#i can't even cry for help because i cant fucking be helped i refuse it all despite knowing i need it despite knowing

[absolutelyzoned]

its me and my inability to compromise against the world

[jonny-b-meowborn]

As time goes by I'm becoming more and more sure that I just can't survive on my own. I can take basic care of myself, but the second I have to go to a doctor or do some formal stuff I get paralyzed. I just can't. Fuck, I can barely even talk to strangers in general. Or even not strangers, I can't fucking text someone back if I'm not close to them, it's just so scary and exhausting. I'm becoming emotionally tired more easily and sometimes even talking with my mom about anything is too much for me and I love my mom. And I really need her, I can't do basic stuff without her pretty much holding my hand all the time. I can't get a normal job. We went to this blueberry plantation a few times but I just couldn't go there without her, and now the job is over and we can't go there at all. If I wasn't such a fucking baby I'd go there a few more times alone and get some money. I can't make calls, there's literally like two people I feel comfortable talking on the phone with. People used to say I was mature for my age when I was younger but I never grew up and now I'm almost 21 and can't do anything with my life. I'm scared of everything, I'm constantly exhausted physically and mentally. I'm like a fucking child. I'm scared that I'm gonna have to live with my mom my whole life. I can't see a future for myself, I'm just not able to survive without help and at some point I won't be able to get help, I don't want to be a parasite living off of my mom's money but I don't see anything else I could do. I hate my brain so much. I hate the way it refuses to work. I hate myself for being such a child.

[lucyvaleheart]

.

[jjoongstar]

𝒔𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒔

angst, hurt | seonghwa x fem!reader | wc: 1084 sfw but there's usage of vulgar words

Your friends forced you to go to this frat party they held at some dude's house. His parents were out of town, so he invited the whole sophomore students. Though those who aren't even a sophomore joined too. For example, seniors. To be more exact, Park Seonghwa.

The main reason why you refuse to come here. You broke up with him for like the millionth time already. You had enough of him, but you still love him somehow. And so does he. His way of loving you is what was hurting you.

"Come on y/n, drink this and forget that asshole already,". Your friend gave you a plastic cup filled halfway with liquor. After taking a few sips, the two of you sway around getting high with the loud music and the dim laser lights. Your laughter stopped immediately when you met the eyes of the man you despise most. His eyes showed you more feelings, anger, hatred, annoyed. Noticing his presence, you tell your friend to go get some food, your best friend and your ex can never be in the same space. She'll kill him.

Seonghwa made his way towards you with angry strides. You knew why he's mad. He hated when you show too much skin in public. He would scold you and ripped all those clothes when he brought you back to his place. And he would rail you so hard you even forgot your own name as reminder that your body is for his view only. "What do you think you're wearing, slut,", he's right in front of you now. Your miniskirt with cow prints wraps snuggly around your ass. Your ass cheeks would jiggle every time you walk. A little bend over would reveal your pink panties. Your blue top, more likely just a bra with a little more fabric and more clips at the back to make it secure tightly around you chest. The front of the top pushes and squeezes your boobs, making it look bigger and juicer. You have no shame at all wearing all this.

"Cover up, whore. Or i swear I'm gonna rip those off of you right now,". He still looks hot when he's angry. His long jet black hair with an undercut, slicked back. A simple black tank top showing off his bare arms. Oh how you miss them wrapped around your throat while he fucks you from behind.

"I'm not yours anymore, hwa. I can wear whatever the fuck i want." rolling your eyes with an annoyed huff at him.

'Not yours anymore'. That made him realize it. You're no longer his. But he still wants to protect you. His tense face dropped immediately. His eyes widen and glistering under the dim lights. Eyebrows furrowing in sorrow. Lips forming a frown. "I'm sorry, baby, please....please forgive me,". He held your hands, tight but soft.

You miss his touch so much, its been so long. You couldn't help but let your guard down for him, again. You know you shouldn't, it'll end up the same again. Fighting. Bickering. Yelling. Breaking up. Crying. Getting back. And the cycle goes on. This needs to end.

With a loud sigh, you take away your hands from his hold. Your eyes welling in tears, you look up at him straight into his beautiful eyes, "Let me go Seonghwa, let's just stop all of this,".

He definitely was taken aback with your response. He brought up his right hand and lets his fingers brushes along your cheek bone, then cups the side of your face. You melt instantly in his touch. His warmth. You love him so dearly. You love this. But this won't even last that long. "Please hwa, i love you so much-".

"Then come back to me, i love you so much too y/n," he cuts you off. Hope? He thought. But his hope crushed down immediately with your confession.

"but your love hurts me hwa. i can't hold on any longer. i have other feelings too. i want my freedom too. Please, please let me go..." tears streaming down your face. You cant keep it in any longer.

'Freedom'. Realization hits him hard now. He's been keeping you in his cage. He was too selfish. He never even thought about your feelings. He kept you all to himself just because he loves you so much, too much. He nodded to you, as a response to your confession.

"ok then, for your sake, I'll let you be then. Please don't cry for me y/n, save your tears for another man that's worth it. One that's far better than me. That would love every part of you, and let's you be who you are."

He wipes the tear on your face with his thumb, without realizing, tears were now going down his face.

He backs off slowly, his scent slowly fading away from you.

"i love you", he mutters quietly at you and turn his back at you and left.

You slid down the wall and sat on the floor. Hands covering your face to stop yourself from sobbing even more.

Seonghwa. You loved Seonghwa.

You went on and tried to enjoy the peak moments of the party. Enjoying the bitter taste of alcohol, the up beat music and somehow you're laughing your heart out with this guy you just met at the bottom of the staircase in the house. He had a mole on his lips, which you were mistaken it as chocolates and accused him for being a messy eater.

A figure walked past by you, you knew him. Seonghwa. He walked past you like you weren't there. He pretended not to even care bout you. Unfortunately, he haven't left the party yet. He was still lingering around, drowning himself in alcohol. He noticed you staring at him. But what made the single teardrop fell from his eye was the guy in front of you. Oh how quickly did you moved on.

Your body betrays your mind as your hand reaches out to him. He left immediately without a single word. His figure disappeared among the crowd. For he used to be the person you look for in a crowded room, you could spot him wherever he was, but now you lost sight of him.

Your heart aches for him. Grief welled up, overflowing in a single tear and streams down your face. Your turn around facing the new guy in front of you.

"i need your help"

[mysicklove-main]

𝐃𝐑𝐔𝐍𝐊 𝐇𝐂𝐬

With: Izuku Midoriya, Katsuki Bakugou, Shoto Todoroki, Eijiro Kirishima, Denki Kaminari, Mina Ashido, and Ochako Uraraka

A/N: Different types of drunks are so funny to me. I love watching some ppls personalities just doing a 180, its always so amusing to me. I also might write one for demon slayer characters, I was on the fence about mha or kny. lmk if i should do it for my other loves :)

𝐈𝐙𝐔𝐊𝐔 𝐌𝐈𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐘𝐀

Light Weight/Sloppy Drunk

Light. Weight. I mean everyone know it, after one drink his cheeks are flushed and he is grinning like a mad man.

His former classmates love to just offer him drink after drink, just to see him get wasted.

Sloppy drunk. Im sorry, but he is. Slurring his words, hiccuping, stumbling everywhere. 

He always ends up falling somehow, you find him laughing on the floor with people crowding over him trying to help him up.

Talks to everyone he can find. Literally they cant even understand what he is saying because he is slurring his words and rambling about everything.

”Im not drunk, Y/N! You're drunk!” As he is on the floor, refusing to grab onto your hands to help him up. He's so stubborn.

He always ends up vomiting. 

You basically have to pour water down his throat to sober him up.

He refuses to go out the next couple of days cause he is so embarrassed of his actions.

𝐊𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐈 𝐁𝐀𝐊𝐔𝐆𝐎𝐔

Silent/Clingy Drunk

His usual scowl disappears, and for once in his life he looks…relaxed?

Just watches his friends do stupid things without any yelling.

Seems to scout for you the second you leave his sight.

Lots of mumbling under his breathe that nobody hears.

Sticks with you most of the time. Only talking when someone talks to him, but even so he gives one word responses.

You only know that he is drunk because of his flushed appearance and slight smile. Its so rare to see him smile in front of people.

Mumbles compliments in your ear, and plays with the hems of your outfit.

Holds your hand the entire night and follows you around.

Randomly will disappear and come back with another round of drinks for the table. Instantly becomes everyones favorite drunk.

Yells at everyone the next day if the mention anything about him being “soft”

𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐎𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐈

Relaxed/Smiling Drunk

Its rare to see Shoto give a full smile, but after a couple of shots he just can't stop grinning.

Is surprisingly much more talkative and friendly towards his ex-classmates.

But the second he finds somewhere to sit, he is stationed there for the rest of the night.

He acts more high than drunk istg

Just sits back and smiles, laughing at everything that comes out his friends mouth.

Its so cute though, because he gets so excited when talking to you.

He def slurs his words but you cant even tease him because he looks like he is having the time of his life.

One of those drunks that finds out they have a random special talent. Like have u seen that video of the drunk dude that finds out he is fantastic at piano?? Thats shoto.

Laughs at his self when he tries to walk in a straight line. “Look Y/N. I cant walk straight!” You just have to go along with it

Doesn't get hungover at all! But also doesn't remember anything lol

𝐄𝐈𝐉𝐈𝐑𝐎 𝐊𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐀

Crying/Emotional Drunk

Something about it just gets him so emotional. He doesn't even know why.

He drinks and cries, drinks and cries, until you have to drag him home.

Most of the time he is crying about like the least important things like how good you look right now or how crazy it is that he is dating someone like you.

Other times he tries to go all “meaning of life” on everyone. It throws everyone the fuck off and you always have to try to get him back into the moment. Its so funny tho 

When he bumps into someone, he apologizes so much it makes the other person feels uncomfortable.

Will randomly go silent and then start crying again. The bartender always looks so concerned. 

You have to bring him home early bc he just ruins the vibe. he is not allowed to drink when you guys are tying to relax and enjoy the moment.

Sober him is way more fun lmaooo

𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐊𝐈 𝐊𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐈

Flirty/Touchy Feely Drunk

Are you surprised? 

Its like every single pickup line is blurted out no matter the moment.

You'll be in the middle of a conversation and all of the sudden you hear some bullshit like. “Hey baby, are you from Tennessee?” “Denki dont.” “Cause youre the only ten I see” scares off every single girl you were talking to.

Tries to get you to do lewd ass dancing with him and acts like you killed him when you decline.

Hand on your waist, or thigh, or neck, or ass if you dont slap him away. Genuine pervert.

You catch him flirting with Bakugou once and you got so much second hand embarrassment from the way the blonde just stared at him in disgust.

Tries to unbutton his shirt, and about every ten minutes you have to rebutton it for him. “What, you cant handle all of this?” You almost kill him.

Overall, at least he is a partier and you know youll have fun with him.

Gets HORRIBLE hangovers tho. You are stuck taking care of him the next day (again)

𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐀 𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐃𝐎

Affectionate/Friendly Drunk

Makes friends with every single person she sees.

The drunk girls you see in the bathroom that hypes you up? Thats her.

Especially if you are her partner?? God damn she compliments you so much.

Ends up helping the DJ chose songs when you guys go to clubs. Seriously it is so funny how she ends up talking to everyone.

So much dancing. So so much dancing. Even if its just the two of you, you guys are dancing.

But also mom too, like makes sure everyone has water and isnt getting too fucked up (izuku). Keeps everyone a their best.

You stumble over, she catches you with the biggest smile on her face. Wont even tease you, just continues to make the vibes just absolutely great.

Holds her alcohol perfectly. Enough to get crazy, but she isnt stumbling nor slurring her words.

I just want to go clubbing with her.

𝐎𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐊𝐎 𝐔𝐑𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐊𝐀

Angry/Fight Picker Drunk

This seems like a shocker. What precious ochako getting mad at people???

Yes. She picks fights.

ALWAYS with dudes that her twice her size too. Be prepared to fight istg.

Yells at people who are too drunk (Izuku) and tells them to get their shit togehter. You have to use your hand to cover her mouth before she gets kicked out.

So many curse words. So many.

Literally gets approached by nobody because she has the biggest frown on her face. 

You have to try to ease her up by dancing with her or showering her with compliments.

Cheers her up for a bit, and she goes back to all smiley and happy, but then someone interrupts the two of you, and she goes back to being pissed.

You have to watch her 24/7.

She doesnt drink that much anymore because she knows how she gets lol

[kenlvry]

hiii hello if requests are open again can i request stan, kyle, and kenny making up with reader after a fight? ☺️ i love your works sm!

making up after a fight

an, HELLO YES REQUETS ARE VERY OPEN thankyou sm ���🤞 im reading this while listening to boombayah yall . gn reader ( use od girlfriend in kyles oh and 16/17) also their kinda a bitch but its all good in the end

kenny

you two fought again, i mean it wasn't the first time, you two don't usually fight and when you do its intense. you just found out mans still hasn't deleted some of his hoes contacts and still talks to them like???? you brought it up and he immediately apologized but you wanted to explanation, you bring up how this has happen before and he still hasn't deleted em "look baby i was lazy, i dont even talk to them" he said walking closer to you. you brought this up when he's with the others, and it got heated. it ended with you flipping him off and going back home, " we're not helping you again this time btw". you blocked him everywhere and refuses to meet his eye at school. you thought abt it and maybe you overreacted, you decided to apologize and search for him everywhere, then you saw him talking with alot of girls and you couldn't be more angrier, you confront him then and there "wtf ken?? this is literally what we talked abt? if you want to cheat atleast make sure i dont find out" you ran away, you were so devastated how could he? after everything :(( . immediately running to your room crying and cursing kenny out, your mother then knocks and opens your bedroom door "kenny is here honey, should i let him in?" "no let him die out in the cold ma" your mom shrugged and left, few seconds later the door reopened at it was kenny "what do you want?" you rolled your eyes and he walked over to you on your bed "please hear me out" "im not even kicking you out js talk" you said sitting properly on the edge of the bed "look babe about the contacts, i keep their numbers on my phone because i ask them abt girl tips.." he said while looking down in shame, you scoffed "are u joking? thats so obviously a lie" "check my phone then, you can scroll until the top of the chat" he said giving you his phone, and it's true, its mostly "what do i do if she has her period" or "what do girls like as a gift" and "if she says shes ok but put notation at the end what does that mean" you laughed at how cute that was but then you remember earlier, you immediately glare back at him and he understood "i asked them how to comfort you, im not good at this shit bae" you laughed again and he inches closer to you "i would never cheat on you, i love you too much and you know that" kissing you and you kissed back smiling in the kiss.

kyle

again, you two aren't one to fight bc there was nothing to fight abt, but recently all he talks about is cartman and he won't shut up about him, cartman this cartman that youre sick of it, so you talk it out with them. "what do you mean i talk about cartman all the time? i wouldn't give that bitch any of my time" he said looking at you from his computer, you sighed "our past three convos is about cartman and how you cant stand him, earlier at school when we walked home tgt you talked about him, yesterday all you could say was how cartman was this and cartman was that, am i your girlfriend or is he??" you scoffed, "look can we talk abt this another time? I'm about to 1v1 cartman and loser has to do what winner wants" he said turning back to his computer "this is literally what im talking about! you are so caught up abt him you dont even pay attention to me, have you even see my text to you?" he sighed "i did, about the ice cream right" you couldn't believe him rn "my fucking pet hamster died kyle????" you can't stand this shit anymore you left slamming the door at him. sheila asked you to drink with her but you just ignored her, what the hell is wrong with kyle? he could've atleast replied about your pet hamster, he knew how much it meant to you. at school you wouldn't even stand near him, you talked with the girls and sat near tolkien and you walked home with tweek. you got a call and it was cartman, the cause of your fight "what is it" "yo dawg, kyle asked me to tell you to meet up with him at the pond" you were confused "why" "idk, but bring protection, im sure he didn't bring any" he said laughing and you rolled your eyes ending the call. you put your jacket on and went out to the park, from afar you see him on the bench swinging his feet. "kyle?" he stood up "oh uh y/n, here" he gave you flowers and motioned for you to sit down, "im not good at this um" he played with his thumbs and was looking nervous ,you laughed a little "take your time". he sighed "y/n im sorry, I should've paid more attention to you and not cast you away like some stranger, im really sorry about your pet hamster too, i know how much he means to you." puting a hand on your thigh while looking at you he smiled, you smiled back "well it's going to take alot more than just a simple sorry" you said sarcastically and looked away , he laughed "well then, should we watch a movie?" he stood up and so did you. that day you two watched a movie and had the best dated ever.

stan

recently life has been real shitty for stan, with his dad being a dead beat who won't shut up about his farm, cartman being a bitch in general and kyle not understanding what he's going through, its rough for him. he takes it out on you, he'd randomly lash out on you then say sorry which isnt even a good apology, he would ignore you and your texts and reply in two days time. you have had enough and went to his house to talk about it with him. "i dont get mad at you and i dont ignore you, your making things up y/n" you sigh softly at his remark "stan if i were to ask people what they think about us they would say we're just friends and not in a relationship, thats how much you fucked up" he stood up from his chair at your remark "how much i fucked up?? maybe you shouldn't have texted me so goddamn much , maybe you shouldn't bother me when i'm clearly in a bad mood, how is it my fault?" "this is exactly what I'm talking about, I didn't do anything and you act as if i committed third degree murder" he scoffed "fine then what do you want? to break up? if thats what make you so happy then we are over" he said and going back to his game "fuck you stan, you couldn't even try to communicate with me, i know ur going through some shit rn but that doesn't give you the right to take it out on me im not ur toy." you left his house and went home, can you believe the audacity this boy had? you blocked him everywhere and deleted his name in your bio, when people found out they comforted you, some even flirting with you, you dont want to be associated with him anymore. he however realises how much he fucked up and was regretting every decision he did that day, he tried to talk to you many times but your friends would always block his way to talk to you, you could care less. you went home alone one day and can feel a presence behind you, you walk faster each second and to one point running with the man running after you "y/n!" he yelled and you immediately recognise the voice, you look back to see stan panting with his hands on his knees, you sighed rolling your eyes "what now stan?" "please, just let me explain" you stayed silent. "im.. im sorry, i should've talked to you about the things i was going through, i was just going through a hard time and yes its not an excuse i know, i didn't talk to you about it because i was scared you'd tease me so i isolated myself thinking it was for the better but instead it created something worse" his eyes were glassy and he sniffled. "I can't forgive you just yet yk" crossing your arms, "i know, so please be my mine again i will make it up to you" his desperate face was the cutest and you agreed, he took you out on many dates and was replying often, he opened up to you and you two always helped each other when needed. he couldn't imagine loosing you again and he's going to make sure he doesn't anymore.

[i-cant-sing]

Everyone asking about the Royal Gay au meanwhile I'm just gremlining in the corner waiting for anything related to Re8:TRP bc I don wanna ask about it and potentially annoy you

Hmm, okay I've got a particular scenario in my mind:

Okay, imagine post re8, when Ethan forgot about saving reader, died, then came back to life with realisation that he forgot about you, so he "saves" you but you're too pissed at him (rightfully) and tell him that as soon you get out of the village, you're moving out because you can't be around him and Mia since Rose will always be a priority for them and you can't risk losing more of your sanity and self respect.

To which Ethan says "Oh... request denied😃" and then proceeds to kidnap you and take you home, where Mia has started to realise how important you are to the smooth functioning of this dysfunctional family and agrees with Ethan about keeping you locked up in your room.

They both think that you're just acting this way because you're "a little jealous" of the attention they've been giving to Rose. And you're being "totally unreasonable" because Rose is a baby, she needs them more than you do.

It never even occurs to them that you hate them because of all the abuse they've subjected you to all these years.

They don't understand why you're being so rebellious right now? Throwing away the food they cook for you, refusing to eat anything, screaming at them to let you go, trying to break the chains around your feet.

When will this "phase" of yours end?

Mia thinks it'd be rather better if they gave you silent treatment and ignored you and your basic human needs- yeah, that'll teach you to not bite the hand that feeds you.

Ethan on the other hand, doesn't agree with that (mostly because he's incapable of ignoring you now that he's become a yandere). He thinks you just need to remember all the good times. So he goes to the store to look through some very old boxes to find your old journals. He remembers seeing you writing in them as a kid, and if memory serves him right, you still used to write in them.

Pulling out the dusty old box with your name on it, he picked out a journal and began flipping through them.

-

Hours later, Mia entered the house, only to find Ethan in the store room, absolutely bawling his eyes out.

"Ethan? Hun? What's wrong? Is Rose okay?" Mia asked, immeadiately crouching down to hold him.

Ethan just hugged hia wife, crying into her shoulder. "S-she hates us, Mia."

"What?"

"She hates us! Y/n hates us!" Ethan cried out, pointing at all the journals. Picking one up, Mia began reading them.

I hate mom. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her-

The words continued for several pages, before moving onto Ethan.

Dad- I never thought I'd hate him, but I hate him even more than mom. How could he- how could he ignore my croes for help? Am I that unimportant to them? Or just unlovable?

I hate dad, I hate him so much.

I wish he was dead. Wish they were both dead.

Mia's mouth fell open, completely in disbelief that you would say something like that. And more than one time. In fact, several of your notebooks were just filled with words of hatred for your parents.

Ethan went out for a walk, telling Mia he just cant be around all of this right now, asking her to get rid of all the journals for him. Mia just nods, her mind somewhere else.

-

While Ethan is taking a walk in the park, wondering how to change your mind about him and Mia, his wife has decided to take a different strategy to make you regret those words.

Currently, your head is being held under water as Mia flushed the toilet bowl once again.

You gasped for her air as she yanked your head up again. "You un-fucking-grateful brat! How fucking dare you wish death upon your own parents?! I'm gonna make you wish you were dead-!" She screamed as she pushed your head back in the water.

"MIA!" Ethan yelled, pulling his wife off you, as you came up, coughing up the water that got in your lungs. "What the fuck?!"

-

You're wrapped up in a towel, sitting in your room, a chain still around your foot, as you hear Ethan and Mia arguing downstairs.

Arguing over their "parental strategies" for you.

Arguing over you.

You smiled a little. You never imagined they'd ever take the time to argue or even talk about you.

And all it took was your sanity.

I just know this how they be arguing:

Mia: What the hell, Ethan?! You said you wanted to try the "good cop. Bad cop."thing!

Ethan:

Mia:

Ethan:

Mia:

Ethan: YEAH! "GOOD COP- BAD COP" NOT "GOOD COP-HOMICIDAL COP" MIA!

Mia, voice breaking because no.1 manipulator: wow, I can't believe you're saying I'm the "bad cop". Is that what you think of me?

[ohbo-ohno]

🪀 - alien!ghost is so funny to me because i cant decide if his behavior being normal for his culture or his entire Who He Is being just as offputting to his own species as to humans is funnier.

I also just. love the visual of reader being So Fucking Done that she just throws her ass to the ground and refuses to move. Soap thinks its funny, and if he weren't so well trained already he'd join her just because he thinks its hysterical how fucking done ghost is the moment he sees it happen. Its the energies of "the first pet who made you want another" vs "the second one." trend on tiktok where it shows a fucking crackhead ass cat doign shit they shouldnt be.

ghost can't train reader the way he traines johnny and its INFURIATING because. it should work. what the fuck. why are you like this. why is locking you in a cage where nobody can touch you a REWARD??? what the fuck???

Reader is shameless, too - he can discipline you in public all he wants and you just keep doing it. makes you even MORE stubborn when he makes you cry and you just limply sag into him. Maybe he figures out disciplining you has to look more like a reward - fingering you in public, making you cockwarm him while he's at the restaurant, etc. It gets reader to react a hell of a lot quicker than anything else he's done

i like the idea that ghost is Weird compared to other aliens, but normal for his species. so since he's probably on some weird space station thing, they probably think he's decently weird

i think ghost would've trained johnny by giving him lots of physical attention and giving him actual tasks to complete, but johnny definitely allowed himself to be trained. he could disobey ghost at any point and be totally fine, he chooses to obey for snuggles and treats and pampering

reader isn't quite so willing. she wants away - from both of them, because fuck johnny - and she will absolutely not be tempted by sweet words and snuggles. the only thing that even slightly sways her are the alien candies she's never had before

ghost 100% expected johnny to help teach his new human the Rules, too. he figured his new human would be able to mostly learn how things are supposed to work from johnny, but obviously that didn't happen. instead he's got a new brat and a laughing johnny. he's Unamused

[sserapic]

maybe in another world, my dearest.

summary. getting into a relationship with the balladeer was your greatest mistake, though you don't regret anything that had happened between you. after taking the side of the good guys, he just never felt the love he used to feel every damn time he sees you. but if you couldn't handle the pain then you shouldn't feel it anymore, altering your memories of him is such a great idea. you say.

character(s). scaramouche/wanderer, gn!reader

tw. angst, no happy ending.

"come on, traveler, lead me to him."

you had convinced lumine that you're the lover of scaramouche, well, ex-lover. she hesitated despite the fact that you're a harbinger in which you couldn't be trusted very easily.

scaramouche sat there, under a tree, in the grass where he admired the view from up there. "wanderer." wanderer? had he changed identities?

he was certainly in shock to see you, well he should be, he left you in the dark and never came back which led you to search for him.

"oh, it's you."

you noticed how the traveler had left as you sat next to the former harbinger who you used to fought alongside with, who loved you so dearly but changed so damn quick.

"so, wanderer is the name you go with now?"

"yep."

even up until now you wish that he'd just fall in love with you all over again and come back to you, but you both know it wouldn't even work out anymore even if he did come back to you, the feeling left him but yours never escaped.

"y/n, you do not have to make yourself suffer like this. just go back to being the harbinger you are, but im afraid i cannot stand beside you any longer."

you fought back the tears trying to break free from your eyes, "but i cant. i always need you by my side." you sniff, refusing to even look his way.

"you have to, you can't just cry about me all the time. you're the 5th of the fatui harbingers, there's a chance that we might be each other's opponents someday."

the thought of him taking the side of the good guys while you stayed with the villains hurts like fuck. but somehow, you also cannot betray the tsaritsa.

"why does it hurt so much.." your voice muffled from covering your face with both hands, not wanting him to look at you, crying.

"because the love you had for me was genuine, and so was mine. but ive already moved on, neither will mine come back even if we get back together."

he stood up, lending you a hand.

as soon as you got back to your feet you pulled him close and sobbed in his chest, he let you sob your pain out, ignoring the fact that you're ruining his clothes.

"the traveler has mentioned that nahida can alter memories, is she telling the truth."

"yes, but wh-"

"can you please just make her erase mine?"

"y/n i don-"

"please.."

although he had to make sure that the God of Wisdom was alright with helping a harbinger, he agreed and so did nahida. she was honestly touched and wounded from hearing about you and sc- the wanderer.

he wished to stay and observe how nahida erases him from your memories and will forever be an enemy in your eyes once this finishes.

"one last time, y/n. are you okay with this."

you nodded, glancing at your ex lover one last time. if the Gods ever allow you to live once more, at least let it be with him.

"here we go."

tears started streaming down on your cheek as you closed your eyes, and felt weird seconds later. your eyes opened and observed the unfamiliar place you were in, turning your attention to a certain man beside you who was on the verge of tearing up.

maybe in another world, y/n. i will love you with all i have, that's a promise.

now he just has to watch you from afar, knowing that he would forever be the opponent of the side you've always been with. as much as he wanted to grab his feelings back, he couldn't.

note. hey !! this has been sitting in my drafts for weeks now, and this is actually inspired by a genshin oneshots book in Wattpad ! also about the smau, i commented on the second chapter. please take a look at it if you're waiting for an update on the smau !

[kaeyx]

Does anyone else think that Atsushi would accidentally manipulate his love after they try to find a healthier relationship? Atsu's darling realizes that he NEEDS therapy and his refusal(?) to seek therapy or let you sign him up has taken a HUGE toll on your relationship, so you try to leave him. But like, he doesnt MEAN to use his past abandonment and trauma against you (accidental clingy yandere maybe?) but how could you leave him like everyone else!? He thought you were different! That youd stay and not toss him aside like garbage!! The poor boy would probably end up sobbing over it until you cant anymore! You feel so bad for making him cry, he looks so broken and upset you just cant help but pull him into a hug full of kisses and sweet words! You shouldnt have been so mean to Atsu! Hes right, youre a mean and awful person for making him feel that way! But thats okay because as long as you promise to stay and PINKY promise not to scare him like that again he might forgive you!! And maybe you can apologize (IS IT SPELLED WITH A FUCKING S OR A Z I DONT KNOW-) by letting him sleep inside you tonight after you let him cuddle you durring dinner as EXTRA compensation for the emotions you put him through!! If you tell him no to cuddles or cockwarming him he might just start sobbing again, claiming you dont love him still! "Am i really that repulsive you need to stay with me out of pity?" What better way to show Atsu you love him dearly and that you wont leave him by letting him slip into your gummy warm walls while you both sleep~! He loves you so so much he just cant STAND the idea of being tossed aside because hes useless again! (this lowkey was supposed to be like kinda angsty and not at all "cockwarm him to make him feel better" but here we are- lowkey thought of this less because im head over heels for atsu (although he is a darling and i do love him-) and more so because i dont see much about him in contexts like this even tho he FULLY has the potential-! chuuya still is superior tho tbh-)

Oooooh this is good, I don't think he could ever do it intentionally either! He's so cute and sad and lovely and needy, you can't quite pin down why you'd want to break up with him in the first place. Atsushi does everything right, he's so sweet to you, takes care of you and loves you so much, always puts you first even though all those horrible things have happened to him. And that wasn't his fault, so why would you break up over that? It makes you feel like a horrible person just thinking about it. Whenever you distance yourself even a little he notices and gets so meek... tiptoeing around you but not wanting to confront you in case you're angry at him, apologizing for little things, looking at you with fear and sadness. How could you ever think of leaving him?

[loyaltykask]

Chapter 33

@journeythroughjourneytothewest

WHO HAS PICKLED PORK?????

Wukong: He's fiiiiiiine Bajie being pickled: HELP

Sanzang has such good boy energy juice he be ruining their location with his fucking clouds, thanks for nothing

Demon: There is he! Sanzang: I can feel someone pointing at me Wukong: Stop being a fucking baby, there is nothing

WUKONG LISTEN TO SANZANG! YALL HAD A WHOLE ARC ABOUT TRUSTING EACH OTHER

I swear people say Sanzang doesn't listen to Wukong but WUKONG DOESNT LISTEN TO SANZANG

Twice now Sanzang has said something feels wrong in this mountain, and yeah he is a coward, but also Wukong like 'you're just being a baby' and NO THERE ARE DEMONS RIGHT THERE WUKONG

Wukong: how can I comfort him? Ah yes, I know. I'll flex so hard that of course, he will feel safer

I cant believe Wukong flexed so hard they even thought about just GIVING back Bajie like no fight

Hmmm exploiting virtue is my favorite thing

It is crazy that during this time Daoist and Buddhist monks were very much having issues with one another, even to the point of sabotaging each other monasteries. It kinda sweet that even though being tricked AGAIN Sanzang does wanna help whoever he comes across

Okay I know you're faking it to get to Wukong but fucking rude

Wujing has FEELINGS DAMNIT

DAMN WUJING XD LIKE YOU RIGHT BUT NO NEED TO SAY IT LIKE THAT! Wujing is funny 2024

He was just pissy that the guy called him names

Wujing: If you think I'm bad you want the literally ex-warlord Wukong: yeeees let me carry him~ I promise I'll be good! (already plotting how to kill this demon)

Even now Wukong makes jokes like: If you wanted to eat him, you could have at least bribed me with a large half

Wukong: Even if you were a human I would have killed you, you're annoying to carry Silver horn: This guy kinda fucked up

This is actually Wukong's greatest feat check as these mountains are considered to be the heaviest and most prominent locations in China at the time, and even now, he is literally carrying the weight of the universe on his shoulders at this moment

So on a one-on-one Bajie could fight Silver Horn but Wujing couldn't interesting enough I can't power scale because I aint about that life but it is to note that the comparison of saying Bajie is the second strongest in the group isn't an exaggeration

I wish I can find that one tictok of LMK Wukong under the mountain again with that Eggman voice over

That was funny af

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

He actually REALLY UPSET UNDER THAT MOUNTAIN

He getting PTSD

Even says to having pity on his brothers who got caught up in it

He such a good bro

HE ACTUALLY CRYING AGAIN

NOT FAKE CRYING LIKE BEFORE

These mountain gods are like: Oooooooo we fucked up....

HE SAID HE WONT BUT HE STILL SAYING HE WANTS REVENGE BRUH

Wukong: Listen I may have caused havoc in Heaven but NEVER have I ordered another local spirit, THAT IS UNFORGIVABLE Spirit: Weren't you a warlord? Wukong: With STANDARDS Fuck! Demons these days! No respect I tell you!

STRANGEST PRIORITIES

Wukogn: Tripping people is my culture, don't judge me

AGAIN THE STRANGEST PRIORITIES

REFUSES TO STEAL FROM DEMONS LIKE BRUH YOU

You know what as least he knows stealing is wrong lets be happy with that

You say, he says 'let him know' but also 'if you say anything but no I will start beating you to death' This fucking guy I love him so much

THIS GUY REALLY HAMMERING HOME THAT "hehehe you guys going to lose"

WUKONG YOU SNICKERING

[diabolikpersonals]

is there any Shuuma scenarios/headcanons/ something like that you have recently been thinking about?

yeah, always!! in the yuma CL route labyrinth ending, shu (and everybody else other than yuma and yui who live, and kino who dies by Murder) dies by getting trapped in a burning building right? I love me some hurt/comfort so I've been imagining the Recovery Process if things were really bad but shu and the others managed to make it out alive. (bonus points if not everybody survived lol)

details under the read more B)

while the mansion is burning and there's a magic barrier keeping everyone inside, I like to imagine shu and yuma both trying unsuccessfully to break it from both sides. like they're face to face, both pounding on the barrier with their fists to break it and escape from the fire, but to no avail. and they make eye contact and they both look so scared, because they think shu is going to burn to death right in front of yuma's eyes.

BUT HE LIVES OK there's probably some bad injuries but let's say it doesn't result in everyone's death ok?? ok. but yeah maybe somebody dies, idk who though to be honest >_>

we get yuma on the receiving end of some "my friend (almost) died in a fire and it was my fault" angst!! after 4 games of being the friend that almost died in a fire, it's his turn to be the powerless survivor! thanks, chaos lineage! I love u!! (of course, in the game, his friend really did die, but........yknow)

there's something so terribly cruel about recognizing how much recovering that shu has done over this series (less afraid of fire, less guilty, less afraid that his loved ones will die as a result of getting close to him) and then putting him in such a horrifying situation that it all goes away and he's back at square one. it's awful, I love it.

after the scarlet mansion burns down, everybody packs into the orange or violet house to figure out what to do next. shu freaks out anytime someone lights a candle, uses the stove, etc. he's struggling to talk to people or help out with anything. he's such a wreck that nobody really knows what they can do or say to snap him out of it. it feels like, because he had recovered so much, he fell even further and it's even more painful this time.

I think I fixated on this so much because usually, yuma uses tough love with shu, right? yuma kind of has a thing about showing emotions (like he doesnt think men should look weak or "uncool") and I think that contributes to why he treats shu the way he does. he can act very, like, "you're fine, walk it off!" "dont make a big deal out of this thing, let's just brush it off and go back to normal!" yknow?? and I wanted to create a situation where yuma absolutely cant do that. because right now (especially if somebody else died in the fire) yuma is also grieving, he's also afraid, and he doesn't want to be acting cool or brushing it off right now.

so even if the others are trying to go about business as usual, I want yuma to realize that he can't do that this time. fuck his "men shouldnt cry in front of others" thing, shu and yuma both need to cry. fuck all that toxic masculine stuff, they need to hug it out and be there for each other until they both realize "at least you're here, at least you're safe, at least I didn't lose everything." and with that bit of hope they can start the recovery process again

for a while shu refuses to leave the living room and go to sleep, and the others are bothered by it. he doesnt seem like he's getting any sleep at all. yuma eventually coaxes him into saying whats wrong, and he finds out that one of shu's compulsions after the fire is that he feels he needs to stay awake and alert in the living room In Case Something Happens. I think it would be a rly big moment for them if, instead of getting annoyed, yuma was like "okay then we can take turns as lookout. you go to sleep now, I'll stay up and keep watch."

and as time passes they gradually get less anxious. they're getting better little by little. they dont feel so high-strung about it that they cant sleep. so they start dozing off together in the living room during lookout duty lol

[hello-jumping-in-puddles]

mid-year book freak out tag

tagged by @bloody-wonder, thank you!

1. Best Book You’ve Read So Far in 2023? 

Deathless by Catherynne M. Valente. i dont even know what to say. i want to sit raptly while someone smarter than me explains all the history and symbolism in this book that i missed. haunting.

2. Best Sequel You’ve Read So Far in 2023? 

partially just because i've read few sequels this year, The Golden Enclaves by Naomi Novik wins. I maintain that Orion is boring as hell after book 1 and I don't care about him but the rest of the book? Delicious. El is so snarky and dark. Ooooh im an evil witch princess im so scary my friends have to hold me back from committing evil (devotes her life to protecting other people) (refuses to live in an enclave because it feels like cheating) (shows up whenever people ask for help even if they suck). also the reveal with the mawmouths was just. such fucking 10/10 writing. the punch of understanding. the way the text gives the reader space to figure it out themself and just go HOLY SHIT.

3. New Release You Haven’t Read Yet, But Want To?

Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle. I have it downloaded. I am ready.

4. Most Anticipated Release For Second Half of 2023? 

I have no idea. I just find books when I find them, y'know?

5. Biggest Disappointment?

ironically, the sequel to question 6, The Return of Fitzroy Angursell by Victoria Goddard. after a book which is about a guy whose whole thing is "really good civil servant" this book was just...not what i wanted. it was about a classic singing robin hood style hero who is charming and cool and magical and does adventures and maybe otherwise i would have enjoyed it but how can i read a book set in the world of my favourite bureaucrat Kip and not read about bureaucracy??? only book so far this year i just straight up didnt finish. also, you can only tell the same vague story about how kip made a joke that one time without actually telling the joke before it stops being "backstory" and starts being "the author never actually figured out what the joke was".

6. Biggest Surprise?

The Hands of the Emperor by Victoria Goddard. absolutely bizarre book. there is no real plot other than the emperor preparing for retirement. the first three hundred pages the emperor just. goes on vacation?? i was expecting political intrigue but the political intrigue is 90% just "the rich guys dont like it but our guy, Kip the bureaucrat, is the emperors specialist guy and also extremely stubborn so everyone has to go alone with UBI". the biggest conflict is literally just interpersonal miscommunication but good. i was so hooked it was ridiculous. where did the heterosexuality come from i am perplexed

7. Favorite New Author?

i was about to say catherynne m valente but i actually cant claim that because now i looked her up and ive read other work by her! she did The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making and sequels which were extremely delightful also. so this one goes to Victoria Goddard on the basis of i have apparently read a lot of authors i already know this year

8. Newest Favorite Character?

Cliopher (Kip) Mdang my beloved

9. Newest Fictional Crush?

¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

💕Best Ship💕

¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

okay i guess maybe kip + the emperor? or maybe el + liesel because i was surprisingly a big fan of liesel by the end. though maybe thats just me wanted el to be with someone more interesting than orion.

10. Book That Made You Cry?

i can't actually remember if i cried but Driftwood by Marie Brennan was quite haunting and beautiful and bittersweet

11. Book That Made You Happy? 

Tress of the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson. now, all brandon sandersons are at least 30% power of friendship by weight but i really do appreciate that this one was like "yeah no we're saying that part out loud. people are heros because they love their friends anything else is just set dressing"

12. Favorite Book Adaptation You Saw This Year?

i...dont think ive watched any book adaptations this year

13. Favorite Review You’ve Written This Year?

don't write 'em, so n/a

14. Most Beautiful Cover?

im going to say Deathless tho i think i am biased because the book hypnotised me

15. What Books Do You Need To Read By The End of The Year?

so many. Ancillary Justice. I also really should read Nona the Ninth but book 2 was so...eugh. i ravenously devoured a bunch of Pratchett's last month and i am waiting on several more from the library. apparently theres a new murderbot out soon? i should check that out.

tagging @a-fish-bee, @foxsoulcourt if you want to do this one :)

[fag-on-goth-action]

🔪 KNIFE - how do they react to injury / misfortune befalling their loved ones (significant other, family, friends)? do they put themselves at blame?

🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?

🙊 SPEAK-NO-EVIL - what is something your oc will refuse to stay quiet about?

🙉 HEAR-NO-EVIL - what is the worse thing your oc could hear from someone?

for all your OCs <3

🔪

ok so all of them but wes has dealt with that. so this is easy

Lilith- denies it happens doesn't put herself at blame and acts like nothing changed

Marr- shuts down and does a lot of stupid things to fix it but makes things worse

Am- takes all the blame feels guilty and then inflicts the same pain or what she thinks is equivalent pain upon her self

Wes- drinks. a lot.

🙈

oh this is easy they r all hiding sooo much

Lilith- the fact that she's a trans woman obvi but she is trans and queer and all that shit as Lea so that's a cop out. Hers is how she has never truly processed things. ever since she got bit the years have blurred and she doesn't know 78 from 09 well because Am had the same haircut or whatever and she thinks she's been going crazy for so long she's horrified about how bad it is

Marr - Ever since she got cursed to be unable to do the things she loves ( makeup, hair, acting, singing ) she has acted really chill about it and she knows that she hasn't done them in so long so she's fallen out of love but god when things get bad she will cry for hours after trying to sing a song. it devastates her even if parts of that curse have become regular parts of her life, like her makeup being messed up is part of her brand, some days she wants to just look classically pretty and she wants to feel like the woman she used to be and it breaks her.

Am- Context is in my world vampires acquire parts of their greatest fear and desire. for this you gotta know Am's biggest fear is dying alone and without true love. she has taken refuge in platonic bonds but oh my god the day she found out Wes was her soulmate she broke down. She was incapable of having the love of her life ever. she said she would never meet her soulmate and if she did she would kill them, but you can't kill another vampire as a vampire. it's an act only witches or humans can do. And then shit, they are best fucking friends. the worst part is Wes is bound to her until the world ends. he will never experience love that is true, and because Am is always around he's constantly subconsciously comparing his romance to how he feels for her, which is impossible to beat. she can't tell him.

Wes- he's my least fledged out little guy but oh my god he is so incapable of anything past first base and like that wasn't a part of his curse! he doesn't know what's up he just can't feel a lot of things for people man. only time he remembers being good at sex was with Am but she's probably a sex god or something. he can't figure out love and it's pissinf him off

🙊

Lilith- she seriously needs to stop talking about how she helped with jfk in bars she's gonna get arrested soon

Marr - one of these days she'll finally get someone to believe her and be sober enough to see her magic in clubs shes sooo bad at hiding being a witch

Am- WE.DONT.CARE.YOU.WERE.AT.9/11.SO WAS EVERYONE ELSE IN THSI HOUSE AM AND YOU RAN LIKE A PUSSY WHILE WE WATCHED

wes- im so sorry shut up about yr highschool band it was soooo bad u did violin covers of beetles songs

🙉

Lilith- the details of what happened to marr when she was deported and had to live in russia from 57-73. that would break her so hard.

Marr- What happened to the kids who cursed her

Am- Where her brother is ( she thinks he's dead )

Wes- that his fuckinf band sucks shit

okaaayy that was so long sorry but i'm on mobile i cant do cut :(

[blackxmagick]

.

it really is So fucking exhausting living in my body. it really is. just constant fucking crisis mode, constant fucking emotions and turmoil and im so fucking sick of it im sick of LIVING

and for what huh. For Literally What. What's the fucking point anymore when there is Nothing to look forward to.

I have a marriage that's hanging on by the fucking sinews and my wife refuses to leave me because she swore an oath on her honor she would not leave me For Sickness and Health, Till Death Do Us Part well fucking let me die just let me fucking die so hse can be free of me

dont even get me started just dont even I am not worth it. im not worth it. im not worth almost 15 years of time im not worth any more time and im certainly not worth putting in an effort anymore

im done

i just wanna pass away i just want to fade and go in a coma and be left to dust im so sick of living of being this way of this constant fucking ache in my chest and emptiness in my head

its gotten to the point where i want to drink it away and god i know alcohol is the last thing i should turn to but god i just want oblivion

i want nothing to be Nothing

god lets not forget my doomed fucking relationship! lets not forget that fucking hot mess just why do i bother why do i torture myself why can't i just fucking die and let go and be forgotten

theyve got family and a marriage and im just there. im just me. im nothing. not worth a damn and certainly not worth jeopardizing a marriage they care about so fucking let me go please god just let me go so i can die please its better than hanging on to a hope that i know is a lie

and i fall for it every fucking time GOD

i cant stand myself when will you learn you stupid fucking cunt when will you learn huh?? when will it get through your thick fucking skull that it will never be more it will never be what you want it to be so fucking give up

just fucking. cease.

maybe i just need to be fucked. maybe thats it. if i just let myself be passed around and used then maybe ill burn out this fucking ache inside and be done with it and then maybe ill have relief or die

god i just please let me just Stop

i don't want to be better i dont want to keep going i dont want to try anymore because there's nothing that will help me anymore not a goddamn thing

what reward do i get for trying when what i want is impossible huh? I can't get the body i want or the mental health i need or the lover i desire or the fucking money to live so what's the point huh. whats the fucking POINT

WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT IN MY EXISTENCE ANYMORE BUT FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S FUCKING PLEASURE AND AMUSEMENT HUH. WHAT ABOUT ME. DO I GET A FUCKING SAY IN ANY OF THIS DO I GET TO BE HAPPY? NO. FUCK OFF FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING WORTHLESS CUNT GO DIE ALREADY.

JUST CRY IN YOUR ROOM AND PRAY YOU DON'T WAKE UP IN THE MORNING EVER AGAIN

[thevermingod]

Bought a cage for a mouse my bro and I saved outside but let the thing go before it came. Instead i just set it up in my room cause I had a bunch of the stuff and maybe one day might want one.

Mom saw it today, freaked the fuck out, and instantly went on the defensive trying to make me feel guilty. I was planning on getting a pet hamster/fancy mouse one day but was planning on waiting until my betta died before I did so.

And like, i should have explained this to her, but at the same time the second she started snapping at me I just clam up. It's always like this because Im so used to her having a break down with no way for me to fix it that I just shut down now. She'll yell at me even when Im trying to help. There's no way for me to fix it and I refuse to get therapy at this point. I fucking hate it, I can't even cry for feel any negative emotions in this house because if I do she'll be the one suffering more and Ill have to stop feeling to make her feel better. Hate it.

Now Im too stubborn to explain it to her and I refuse to move it because I'm pissed and that would be her winning. Bet you shes gonna cool down tomorrow and try to apologize to me but Im still going to be so fucking mad. I can't do this. I fucking cant.