#i can't see myself expanding upon this since i do think it works just as it is now...?

[shoechoe]

Last night, I finished reading Purple Haze Feedback. It was a lot shorter of a read than I was expecting it to be; I probably could've sped through it a lot faster if I didn't limit myself to just reading a chapter or two a day. Despite that, I can definitely see why so many people are obsessed with it; it does a lot in a relatively short amount of time. So, now that I'm finished with it, I'm going to give my overall thoughts of the novel. This will be fairly off-the-cuff, so sorry if it's a bit messy.

I think expanding on and giving a sense of closure to Fugo's character was the main purpose of this novel, and it accomplishes this goal extremely well. Fugo falling off the face of the earth was one of my big criticisms with Vento Aureo- I enjoy the concept of a character that's usually intelligent and level-headed but has an anger problem that renders them totally irrational when set off, but the manga just doesn't do anything with that concept. Because of that, I think a novel focusing on Fugo and where he went after he separated from the group was well-warranted.

I adore what Purple Haze Feedback does with Fugo's character. It explores his sense of regret for leaving the group and having his comrades die without him, he thinks about his actions and his thought processes that led him to this point, it expands upon his backstory that was relegated to just a sentence or two of dialogue in the original manga, and it gives him a character arc as he's made to go on a mission to prove his trustworthiness to the organization and he gains courage and strength he never had before. The second-to-last chapter where he thinks about Narancia and finally has the same breakthrough of why he was so willing to risk his life for a girl he barely met gave me chills down my spine.

Fugo is made into a genuinely great character in Purple Haze Feedback- I can absolutely see his appeal now. To avoid being overly wordy, he feels completed in this novel, and that's really what I wanted to see.

The things going on in the novel outside of Fugo are also interesting. The narcotics team served as the antagonists while also giving more insight onto the way Passione worked before Giorno became the Boss and also functioning as Fugo's "test".

The fights surprised me with how quick they were, but Jojo fights tend to get tedious for me with how dragged out they get, so that's not really a complaint. I imagine translating the manga's style of fights to novel format would be difficult, so I don't blame the fights of the novel for feeling a lot different than typical Jojo fights. A lot of the descriptions of the Stand abilities and the gore actually made me squirm a bit- particularly, Vittorio succumbing to his own Dolly Dagger and Sheila's vocal coords being controlled by Manic Depression were scenes that stood out to me.

As for all of the new characters, I definitely liked quite a few of them. I can't say I cared too much about Murolo himself, but I certainly liked his Stand ability. (Though I'm still a little unclear on how he managed to survive the helicopter crash...? Maybe I just missed something, though.) Sheila E. was a really good character; I loved her ability and her personality. At the same time, she reminded me maybe a little too much of Trish; she wasn't just a clone of her, but one of the biggest roles Sheila plays is to be paralleled with Trish, and I would've liked to see her do more, especially since she's supposed to be a skilled member of Passione instead of the innocent girl that Trish was. Her backstory with her sister Clara was also a little weak.

I felt as though the plot was also less than perfect. The ordeal with the Stone Mask kind of went nowhere- so did Volpe's powerup and desire to transcend his humanity in the final fight. That was the one moment where I felt as though the fight could've been aided by being longer.

The additions to Passione's past, on one hand, made a ton of sense (of course Diavolo pretended to be fighting the drug trade just so he could set up the market for his own drugs- of course he claimed to fight older organizations to gain the trust of his members- Jesus, why wasn't this in the manga?) but on the other, kind of just exacerbated the problems I already had with the original story (why are we still hyperfocusing on how the drug trade is evil and bad when we know that Passione was also doing several other things that would hurt the innocent, including directly murdering children? Also, once again, if Bruno has such a soft spot for kids, why was he okay with torture-interrogating and then attempting to murder Giorno, a middle school boy?)

The part of the novel that I have mixed feelings on the most has to be the way Giorno is treated. He doesn't actually appear until the very last chapter, but until then, he's built up by the characters to be this almost saintly figure that can read everyone perfectly and always makes the right decisions. I understand he's already compared to Jesus in the manga, but PHF feels especially over-the-top with it, comparing his voice to a pipe organ played at church and having Fugo literally bow down to him in the end.

To be brutally honest, for me, Giorno already feels like he has a sanctimonious air to him despite not even really being a good person himself, and in the manga, he really straddles the line between being interestingly set in his flawed beliefs and just being annoying. Seeing all of the characters revering him like this does make me roll my eyes a little. To be charitable, it does make sense that a bunch of criminals with no other hope would turn to their leader and see him as someone to look up to, even if the reality is that he is far from an angel himself, but I find it unclear if that was what the novel was going for. Still, though, this is far from a story-ruiner and the last scene with Fugo swearing his loyalty to Giorno was wonderful.

Overall, I really enjoyed Purple Haze Feedback. I think it's a wonderful addition to canon, and while it doesn't fix all of my problems, I would absolutely recommend reading it. I'm mostly kind of mad at myself for not doing this sooner.

[the-bugsnax-journalists]

Alright, little sneak peak!

Although I wanted to finish the piece today, a few things happened that got in the way (hence why I'm posting this, well, this late) That being said though, I have finished the line art of the Journalists as I had promised, and since I wanted to at least post something, I'll post this! Some silhouettes of the characters in question!

Although the first is, well, pretty obvious who it is, I still wanted to make more than just one, and I thought to base them off the colors you can choose yourself while in-game! (Which is why I'm sticking for a reasoning of why the blue is blue and pink lol)

That being said though, under the cut I will write a few things for each of them ahead of time! Thought to make it a week thing where each day I expand a little more on them but that's too long lol, so instead I decided to write little summaries for each of them! Relationships and such will play into them at a later time when I post each one by one with more expanded upon details!

"Buddy" ~~~~ The Main Journalist (They/Them)

The first oc I made for the game, who I've decided to keep nameless since I can't quite stick to one single name lol. That being said, there is so much I haven't been able to really say about them, despite my brain thinking up SO many ways to tell them to you all! Sadly though, life got in the way so I guess we're sticking with text instead!

First and foremost, Buddy is mute. The reason for this is because they speak through signs and recorders. (Think of it like cartoons, were silent characters speak through signs and what have you.) The reason for this is actually because of a movie I saw in my childhood. Idk if any of y'all know about "Tadeo Jones", but one of their movies was the one I had watched through and the bird in it spoke through signs soooo yeah!

Of course, I made it so they naturally defy the laws of gravity as much as they can, to the dismay of the others- but there's more to it and such, I will post the relationship charts and such when the full pictures get released! For details regarding their backstory, I'll focus on those when we get there, but I will say this: Their family is aware of the Triplicate.

"Cleomie Worncloth" ~~~~ The Barista with a part time job (He/Him)

The second OC is part of a duo (the second half being the 4th Journalist) that I made after I had been here for quite a few. Most of you folks may or may not actually have seen their old designs! But I decided to revamp them a little bit, for the sake of my eyes and my MUCH NEEDED redesign era lmao. That being said though, I guess I should go about their usual thing.

Originally they weren't a Journalist OC, but I decided to go ahead and slap them here since in the end they would have ended up in this predicament. But basically, his schtick is rather simple. He likes to blend Bugsnax and turn them into Syrups and use them to make new drinks. Mostly as an experiment effort, of course. They want to expand their horizons of cuisine for the family cafe owned by their folks, and to get a quicker method of going around the world, he took up Journalism! That being said though, he isn't exactly the most social outside of their work, so when they aren't taking interviews and such, they usually spend time in their little corner, awaiting Bugsnax to be sent to them by their friend."

"Cottontail Tinkerlot" ~~~~ The Engineer with a dream (She/Her)

Now this one, THIS one I never really got to draw proper myself. Mostly duo to lack of motivation and such. BUT now that I finally have the time to do so, I get to properly give her a design! Mostly made for a roleplay between friends, she finally comes out of the shadows and into her own spotlight!

Cottontail as an engineer wants to create robots that can assist and support people across the globe with her energetic attitude and outgoing vigor, enough to either revitalize those that see her, or get a migraine. That being said though, why WOULD she be a journalist? Why, to document the discoveries of the scientific world of course! With her reports being mostly on the fields of robotics and such, Cottontail got inspired to take up the wrench herself, and is now on the island to see if any material can be used to create her dreams into reality!

"Ridamin Northshiver" ~~~~ The Geologist who probably broke something again- (Trans FtM - They/Them)

Alright, THIS one was the second duo to the 2nd Journalist. The reason for their design was rather simple actually. Much like how Floofty is missing a leg, I thought it interesting to go about designing a character with a prosthetic leg. (Hence the difference on the leg on the silhouette). Of course, I wanted him to be unique from Floofty, so I decided to go with a unique route with him:

Much like Cleomie, they weren't originally going to be a Journalist, but my mind decided to say "Screw it!" and go with it anyway! That being said though, Ridamin was going to originally be a Geologist. And while Cleomie still kept their previous title technically, with Ridamin it's a bit difficult to mix them together, right? WRONG! ..Probably-

The way I'm going to go about it is rather simple, Ridamin's family (much like Triffany) was full with people who worked in the historic field, but rather than being an Archeologist, they were Geologists! (I know, REAL smart way to differentiate them) That being said though, given a certain incident that caused them to lose their leg, Ridamin was told to not force themselves given their injury, but that only felt like they were being underestimated by their peers because of a single disability. Ridamin wanted to prove them wrong of course, despite their disability they can still shine much like anyone else! And if nobody is shining the light on them, then they'll get their own light another way. So that's why they took Journalism! Sure it isn't the same job, but in a way it kinda fits either way! To get interviews on how places were born, created, along with the rich history to back it up! It may not be picking dirt and... I don't know, eating it with a spoon to tell how old it is via the crunch or whatever their family does. But soon enough they'll transition to Geology, they just have to plant the base to jump high up to their goal!

[go-go-devil]

2, 34, 68 (or original fiction!), 79

2 - Where do you get your fic ideas?

They all just come to me suddenly, oftentimes when I want to read a certain kind of story with certain characters but can't find a fic already written for it.

34 - How much of your personal life/experience do you include in your fics?

Admittedly I try NOT to include too much stuff from my own personal experiences in my fics. Partially just because I don't want my stories to come across as a "therapy session" for my troubles, but also because a lot of the fics I've written tend to touch upon very dark subjects that I have thankfully not experienced myself.

The one exception to this is my experiences being autistic, in which I'm more than happy to insert my own experiences onto the characters I write (since most original fiction about autism hasn't come close to encapsulating my autism in the slightest). My one fic of Daniil and Murky bonding over their autistic traits probably contains some of the rawest examples of me inserting my own autistic experiences into the characters, and all-in-all I'm glad to have finally put these feelings down in writing :)

68 - Are there any fics that influenced you to write the way you do?

In terms of fics influencing me, the greatest example I can think of are some of the earliest Hylics fanfics I read before I starting molding my own stories, many of which coming from the author Piinutbutter. They did such a great job expanding on the vague worldbuilding of the game and making the characters feel more three-dimensional. It certainly helped convince me to try my hand at sculpting some stories for this weird world I had discovered 🌙

Pretty much all original fiction I read tends to influence my writing in some ways (well except for the books I hate lol). I think it's always a good idea to experiment and compare different styles from different authors to see what kind of writing works best for you!

79 - Do you have any writing advice you want to share?

There is no "one" way in which to write your story. Every author works at a different pace and has their own unique methods for churning out ideas and paragraphs, hence why it's always good to try several different methods until you find the one that helps you be the most productive! It's some advice I'm still trying to follow myself, haha.

[marvus-xoloto]

For what it’s worth, I genuinely love the amount of effort you put into your characterisation or Marvus and how you interpret his possible dynamics with other characters. I don’t even like Marvus that much, but honestly, that’s mostly down to how badly the majority of the fandom interprets him. Your work- even if it’s just intermittent posts- makes me rethink him and consider the complexities of his character that I might not have thought of.

As someone who also puts too much effort into their interpretation/characterisation of one character, any work that expands on the very little were given in Hiveswap canon is a good contribution

Yeah, there definitely used to be a large part of fandom where he was "rich dude who's definitely woke will be the head of the revolution" and like, you said it in a post better than I will so I won't expand upon why that was such a frustrating thing to run into again and again lol.

But thank you for the kind words <3 I do like my interpretation of Marvus; I just wish I had allowed myself to indulge in deep diving in all the sides of him from the get go. I think I had engagement sickness lol I was posting for the maximum audience, but also I was still feeling a little bit like an outsider back then and I felt like I had to carve out a niche to stay relevant. It's difficult to change my mindset: it's not lke fandom is the amigara fault lmao Idk!

I just like characters in general. You're stronger than me; I would love to expand upon more characters, but since the fandom has kind of shrunk, I'm only really doing my own thing. Can't wait to see if act 3 will revive some of the fanbase later, bc it looks like there will be more characters to get our claws into :0 haha

[shortmage]

2022 End of Year Revue REVIEW

So, I used the wrong word last year, but hey just another sign that I've lived and learned and grown since then, lol. But no really, I can't help but really proud of myself and what I've managed to write and publish this last year, despite having a pretty rough time this year, especially these last few months. Every like, comment, and kudos and every kind word from someone in the servers I'm in has helped bolster me through to the end of this year and I cannot thank you all enough. Since I published my first fic in like seven years last year, I've published a total of 16 works! That's wild to me!

Just this year, I published 48,061 words but my word count tracker says that I've written 65,773 in total. So, many more things in the works (26 wips in total, I have to say)! I hit over 1,000 kudos on my works this year and I'm almost at 10,000 hits! Those numbers might seem small to anyone else but I'm really proud of what I've been able to do!

So, under the cut, a quick look at all the fics and chapters I published this year! And again, thank you everyone for reading, for commenting, for brainstorming ideas, and generally yelling about our fandom! Here's to next year!

may death find you alive

The Book of Boba Fett. General. Words: 2.074. Boba/Din.

Basically an ask here on Tumblr got me thinking about Boba's relationship with his armor and this emerged from that. Because I have a LOT of thoughts about Boba and his armor.

Relief in Sharp Lines: Chapter Two

Teen. Words: 5,409. Boba/Din.

This was written for the From BobaDin With Love event for the Commitment, Marriage day but that just worked out so well because it was a chapter I'd already been wanting to write. There's a third chapter that will finish this fic up sometime in the future!

On Honeyed Wings

General. Words: 11,856. Boba/Din.

The first chapter was published for BobaDin With Love event and it was originally just going to be that single chapter. But then the AU Bingo cards went out and it gave me another idea and so the next two chapters/the Summer section was written. And I have large chunks of the Autumn and Winter sections written, we just gotta wait and see when I'll get them done!

This Is Just To Say

General. Words: 3,923. Boba/Din.

A follow-up to last year's Father Day fic, I Want Us To Eat Well. I pretty much had wanted to write this one since I wrote the original. It was hard to recapture the lightning in the bottle that was Eat Well but I just wanted to write this fic so bad and let Din reciprocate.

Who We Belong To

Explicit. Words: 6,446. Boba/Din.

And with this fic I continued the tradition I somehow started with Of Good Use of being the "Public Acts of Fucking" writer. I apologize, I don't know how this fic happened (I do it was the BobaDin server's fault) but fuck, if I didn't have fun writing it.

Upon Silent Tethers

Explicit. Words: 3,868. Din/Cobb.

Not my first foray with Cobb, but first with writing explicit DinCobb, which I was nervous about for so long for some reason? Written for the DinCobb server's Fic Challenge/Exchange Event. It was a new experience writing from someone else's suggestion but I like how it turned out, I just hope the recipient and other readers did as well!

Meandros

Explicit. Words: 7,109. Boba/Din/Cobb.

Someone in the BobaDinCobb server said "Boba gets his thighs bitten by the other two" one day and well, my brain latched onto that SO fucking hard. And this was born. As well, oddly enough, a bit of an exploration of gender for myself. You know, as one does.

duty or privilege and but you care

General. Words: 1,436/816. Din/Cobb.

Two short ficlets that were previously published here on Tumblr. I always meant to go back and rewrite them or expand but I thought this would be a good challenge in just letting my writing exist so I went ahead and published them a bit ago to a nice reception. Helped give me more confidence in doing and publishing some flash fic in the future so I don't get bogged down in making sure my fic are "perfect".

And like last year, a few works in progress to look forward to. A few may be familiar from last year's WIP list 😬:

Honeyed Wings, Part Three and Four

Boba/Din Knights AU

Haunted (Darksaber) Din

Sarlacc Boba

Plo Koon Teacher AU

Sharp Lines Part Three

Who We Belong To Follow-Up

Boba/Din/Cobb Ailyn Vel fic (POSSIBLY)

Jedi School Visit (following some reworking post-TBoBF)

Baatir Part Two

Boba/Din/Cobb Western AU

Hannibal AU

and as always assorted NSFW fics

[patchesproblem]

Thoughts on each Anti-Entropy member?

It depends on what you mean by thoughts, like if it's just my general opinion or if you're meaning the ideas I have for each one. If this isn't what you meant feel free to send another ask.

Tesla, Einstein, and Schrodinger are my favorites and I love them more than anything. Their relationships with each other and on their own absolutely drive me insane.

Tesla in general is a huge favorite of mine because of just how she is. Her story + how interesting the historical aspects about her are (I won't go into detail because it's a long rambling but it's interesting to me.) Plus I love how she depicts ADHD because it aligns with my own experiences and it makes me happy lmao. Especially with her relationship with Einstein.

Einstein is tied with Tesla just because they're a pair and I refuse to separate them. She's a nice person but is mischevious and and will not hesitate to tease her friends and I love it. There's a shit ton of other stuff I want to say about her but I don't know how to word it, so it'll just be an add on for later maybe.

Schrodinger.. I love her so much I want to throw her. Like yes she attempted murder however we all have our silly little moods. Joking aside I'm so sad that she's not appearing in the main story more.. Her relationship with Reanna, Tesla, and Einstein should've been expanded upon more and the fact it wasn't kills me. Kira came home from war why can't Schrodinger </3

Welt Joyce is good, but he's not my favorite tbh. I don't think about him much. His lores interesting and he's sweet, but I just can't get myself to get attached or really be invested beyond looking into historical aspects (i.e. me starting to read James Joyce's works to see if there's anything relating to him there.) That's not to say I hate him, quite the opposite actually. It's just. He's not a character for me essentially. He's well written and he deserved better tbh. He's also my friends favorite so he's basically a fav in law.

Joachim / Welt Yang I don't really have an opinion on. He's interesting, but I tend to avoid stuff about him for my own reasons. Him and Bronyas father daughter relationship is really sweet to me though.. I love it. Though also I'm still interested on where that man went when he ran away from his moms with ADA. What was he doing during all that time.

Cocolia is someone I want to punt into the sun along with the Welt Joyce clones. I support womens rights and wrongs however she tried over throwing Tesla and Einstein and had full intention on getting Einstein either killed or trapped in the SoQ. I will support your rights and wrongs until said crimes are against my favorites. (I like her character / story I just hate her as a person.)

The Welt Joyce clones unironically remind me of emo boy band members who probably have a few crimes on their criminal records. Wanna be cool kids but really everyone hates them.

Planck and Karl (I know he's technically not apart of AE but he's an honorary member in my book) are my beloveds. I love them both. Insane midlife crisis lady and father figure who is just there. I know Karl has 2 lines and we know nothing about him but I'm delusional.

I hate Edison with a passion. I unironically hate her more than Otto. I'm not elaborating. There's nothing redeeming about her and I wish she didn't exist.

Joffrey is just a child. I don't know what is going on with him At All.

Sin Mal is just kinda. There. I forget she exists in HI3rd tbh. I mainly know her from HG2..

ADA my beloved. I love her. She deserved better. Come back from war I miss you honey.

Reanna Brigantia... I loved her so much. She was such a sweet person and deserved SO much better than what happened to her in the end.

I think this is all of the major characters? I could've put the Schicksal Valkyries in here since they all were apart of AE at some point but they're with Schicksal again so.

[kellachfromthewoods]

What have you been doing lately?

I saw the match between the Second Azuro and Famed Mimic Gogo.

I thought I was the only mimic alive. I'm not. I thought the skills were innate. They can be learned. Self-learned from what I'm seeing because Gogo did not look like someone who'd seen actual combat as himself.

The abilities he used... the ones he learned. High level magic. The kind I can't even cast while miming. I've got work to do.

Maybe accepting my limitations with magic, refusing to ask myself why I wasn't able to cast was wrong. After all, if I can cast Blue Magic, why can't I cast actual magic? Seems like a simple question yet I never asked it of myself. Even if I were to learn just Cure or Fire/Ice/Thunder, it would still be better than now.

Thing is, looking back since I have a lot more time being an assistant to Eamont in healing down in or near Gridania (it helps that I can mime his spells and maybe hold angry patients down), I've never really used my own power. When I first donned the mask and the leathers, I was drawing upon the stories of my people - more specifically Kechire Hunter, the first man (we later learned she was actually a woman but I didn't know it at the time) to be exiled by the Elements for mounting a hunting expedition outside of the prescribed times to slay a massive coeurl that'd gotten taste for the townsfolk and farmfolk.

She gave me that power, and as I grew into my own person, maybe I lost sight that any power outside my own body is not my own. Rather, I should say that I forgot it was, since I made up outright ludicrous alternate egos and drew power from these.

In the end, did I ever grow up from that bedridden kid who wanted to become a hero? I'm still playing at it today, with the people I've read about in these books.

Now that I've travelled the world, that I've experienced so much... Is it still responsible for me to play?

...

Yes. Especially since my playground has expanded so much. I'm not shackled to the stories of my people. I've learned of the legendary Dragoons of Ishgard, including the story of Kain, who abandoned duty for honor. Or Mog, the only moogle to ever simply carry the name Mog and who had mastered the Dragoon skillset without even encountering Ishgard? Palom and Porom, who at the age of 5 were sent to help on a journey to save the world. Tales from the Far East about a summoner, a black mage puppeteer and a plucky thief going on a pilgrimage.

How many of the stories are true? The question is irrelevant. It's what they inspire that matters. At the end of the day, it's all about doing the right thing, and doing what you can.

Besides, if I've ever had good ideas anywhere, it's fashion. Drawing power from the tales of the past and if I ever somehow get the Echo, maybe even heroes from the future? Stories of other shards? Who knows?

Either way, I think I just heard someone yell about their arm being broken, so I suppose I'm gonna have to stop writing this and start wrenching it in place before Eamont lets the healing spell loose.

[the-pregnancy-experience]

I am currently pregnant. In high school I was diagnosed with anorexia. I am 35 and long recovered from that, but have had periods of being overweight and losing it, to gaining it, to trying to lose it again. I got pregnant at 25 lbs overweight while just getting back into the gym and tracking my calories seriously, and am now 22 weeks pregnant.

I will say that my body image has had ups and downs since I got pregnant. It was actually more difficult in the beginning, because I began seeing changes very rapidly, such as my pants not fitting at 8 weeks and shirts being too tight around 12 weeks (my boobs grew a cup size, and my band size 4 inches from my ribs expanding). It was, and still is, difficult to process these changes that you have very little control over. There's also bloating and water retention going on, which can shift from week to week. I feel like my face is very puffy right now which really bothers me when I see photographs of myself. However, I do think some of these changes are more obvious to me than others.

Conversely, and paradoxically, I have felt *better* about my body in recent weeks than I have in a long time. This began when I really started to show. You know how you've spent all those years trying on clothes and hoping they don't highlight your stomach or make you look pregnant? Well, when you are actually pregnant, that isn't a concern anymore. I've always opted for looser fitting tops, but while pregnant, a tighter fit is actually more flattering on me. And I like what I see! I actually purchased a tight dress, sort of body con tyle, for a wedding, that normally I would never feel comfortable wearing, but it's very flattering due to my new shape.

Fortunately, I am still able to work out, albeit modified, which makes me feel good about my body as well. Pregnancy truly is a miracle and a feat of strength of endurance (seriously, look it up; it's basically the equivalent of doing an endurance sport every day for nearly 10 months) and I've started to truly appreciate just how well my body is doing at making a totally new life.

In terms of weight gain, I'm about 5-10 lbs up from where I started. I have tracked calories this entire time. While it is not advised, generally, to restrict calories during pregnancy, I upped my calories but have still been tracking. My doctor said that *gentle* calorie restriction, given that I started overweight, is okay. However, depending on your history, this can lead to disordered eating so I would caution anyone to have a conversation with their doctor about this. As for me, I have certainly not deprived myself, and always eat at least 1700 calories a day and more often 2,000. My husband has remarked on my rear and legs look smaller, so I believe that some of my pre-baby fat has been used to create the baby and its accoutrements, leading me to actually slim down in some places. I actually like my ass more now than I did before pregnancy! My baby is currently in the 85th percentile for size, so there is no concern that I am not eating enough.

Another thing that keeps me positive is that when you hear weight gain normally--you think gaining excess fat. But weight gain during pregnancy is different. You are gaining weight because your blood volume increases, you grow an entirely new organ (placenta), your breasts typically grow larger, and of course, the baby itself. So when I see the scale increase, I remember that much of the gain will be released upon birth--the baby, the placenta, etc. I am not strictly gaining fat from being poorly disciplined--this is a gain that is intended to happen.

With all that said, sometimes I do struggle with my body image. Sometimes I have days where I feel like an absolute planet. I only wear yoga pants now, with the exception of some loose dresses that still fit. I bought some maternity shapewear that smooths things out. And sometimes it's not really about my body image, but the fact that I can't wear the clothes I *want* to wear and I'm not sure when I'll fit into them again--it's like part of my life is on hold, so to speak. I wasn't much of a shopper, but clothes shopping just like, doesn't apply to me right now? And I kind of miss the idea of just browsing in a store and finding something cute and buying it--but I know I'll be able to do that again soon.

Reddit poster 2023

[merryfortune]

combing through my C&V stuff and I found a not quite drabble (103 words) about Moonblossomshipping which I think works well by itself

   Ruri made Serena feel small.

   Not small as in tiny but small as in vulnerable.

   Serena didn’t know how to verbalise it but if she tried, she would say that Ruri had a gentle presence. A soft smile; kind eyes; hands easy to hold. She always spoke in soothing tones that were healing in of themselves. She was slow to anger but her anger.  It was righteously bright. Serena adored it.

   Hence why Ruri made Serena feel small. What was a sprawling city compared to a self-contained island? What was the existence of the invaded compared to the existence of the propagandized pampered? 

[roostertuftart]

This meta was sent to me during a argument, and while disagreeing with this opinion, I couldn't line up my thought to why. I want to hear ur opinion on this since you're a Kyle fan like OP and has a lot of meta posts about him. thank u for reading this post and sorry for my bad english! https://curiouscat.live/ginzura/post/1191543937

First of all, no need to apologize for your English, and it’s perfectly legible regardless! I’m going to paste the OP’s exact words here because I don’t know exactly how CuriousCat works and I don’t want to original text to get deleted so no one can see what exactly I’m arguing against, so here it is below: 

Ask: What do u think about those ppl who say  shipping kyman is bad bc you’re shipping a jew with a nazi 🧐

Answer: good question! if people really believe that then i can't blame them for not wanting to have anything to do with kyman, however my interpretation is different. buckle up cause this is gonna get kinda long though....

so first of all, cartman is without a doubt, a bigoted person. he's racist, he's classist, he's shown signs of being sexist too (though nowhere as bad as butters lol), etc. the thing is, his anti semitic remarks towards kyle for being a jewish person feel different than his other very backwards beliefs. i'll expand on this. 

take for example the way he treats token, often alluding to the fact he's black, applying stereotypes to him and commenting stuff such as 'your people'. all this because token is black, nothing to do with token's personality or hobbies, it's just because token is a black person. when he shot token it wasn't because token did something to him, it was because token was a black person, and therefore, a threat to him, a white person. with this we can assume that the first thing cartman notes about token is his ethnicity above all else. he doesn't see him as a person but just part of a minority he looks down upon.

now let's address his relationship with kyle. he belittles kyle, calls him a 'goddamn jew', has threatened his life, etc. to the naked eye you would think it's exactly the same to what he does to token but that's where i disagree. he doesn't hate kyle for being jewish, he hates kyle for BEING kyle. is it cause kyle is smarter than him? maybe. is it cause kyle makes has things he doesn't have? maybe. but the point is that kyle's very existence annoys cartman so he has to put him down and the most obvious thing he could possibly remark about kyle is the fact that he's jewish because it's a low hanging fruit. but that's not the only thing cartman has had issue with concerning kyle. cartman tried to make people turn against gingers and emphasized that daywalkers were the worst type. who is a daywalker? kyle, of course. when he found out kyle was partly new jerseyite, he was against that too. he just tries to single out kyle as a menace as soon as he has an excuse for it. and that's why i don't actually think he's a nazi as much as he's a big fucking dick with an unhealthy obsession for kyle. i'm convinced that if kyle wasn't jewish, cartman would still find an excuse to get on his case

furthermore, and this is something that escapes fans a lot, cartman has pretty much stopped calling kyle 'jew' for quite some time now. the development started in s19 where he promised he wouldn't anymore after getting the shit beat out of him by pc principal. he still did in the ninjas episode, same season, but ever since that habit has died. so, in any case, i think cartman is mellowing out…

---

I’m not sure if this is the answer you’re looking for, but honestly, even as someone who really isn’t super fond of both-sided Kyman myself, I kind of agree with a lot of this take and I have for a while, though I don’t think it’s all because of Kyle either. 

Cartman’s feelings towards Judaism seem extremely complicated to me, ranging from fetishizing the religion to outright hating it, and I think in large part this all does come down to his obsession with Kyle. Whether you believe the theory that Cartman is secretly in love with Kyle or not, it’s undeniable that he is obsessed with him and getting his attention. Maybe even having the envy of wanting to be like him in some aspects. 

I’m not going to go into a deepdive into this because I’m not the most well versed about Cartman’s character as a whole, but I can go over how Cartman’s feelings towards Kyle and Judaism seem to work. 

To start off, to say that his anti-semitism entirely comes down to how he feels about Kyle isn’t really true either. In early seasons, Cartman is already spouting out some pretty nasty stuff at Kyle about him being Jewish, and I would argue that this far back, he didn’t yet really hate Kyle or have any real obsession towards him. Not moreso than the other boys anyway- In fact, he even claims to hate Kenny the most, and there seems to be a genuine effort on his part to be liked by Stan and Kyle who tend to pick on him or show their outright hatred towards him- That’s not to say Cartman isn’t an asshole himself, but that seems like how he is towards everyone- He genuinely seems to crave their attention though, especially in episodes like Prehistoric Iceman. We’ve also seen that Liane seemed to have a pretty bad influence on Cartman at this time, teaching him some fairly bigoted shit. It feels likely to me that Liane probably had some if not full influence on Cartman’s opinion on Jews at this time, as she probably did with everything else he believes, leading to his general bigotry towards most minorities that he still holds today. 

What I agree with OP about though is that if Kyle had not been Jewish, Cartman would not be so intent on his anti semitism. I still believe he would probably be in the same way he is racist towards black people like Tolkien, but I can’t see him being nearly as obsessed with it, nor do I think he would fetishize it as much as he sometimes does. Cartman’s hatred of Jewish people in large part is because of Kyle, not the other way around. Of course, this isn’t at all Kyle’s fault and is still extremely egregious on Cartman’s part, but I think it’s important in meta discussions of how Cartman thinks and feels towards Kyle. 

One thing in OP’s post that does bother me however is the last part- Cartman “mellowing out”. I really don’t like the implications that Cartman’s antisemitism becoming more subtle is the equivalent to it being less, or even an improvement on Cartman’s behalf. Like, I do agree that he’s a child who has had a lot of bad influences and that he’s not beyond outgrowing his bigotry, but the show itself hasn’t really given us that just because Cartman doesn’t call Kyle “jew (derogatory)” anymore. We can’t get into his head obviously and see exactly what he thinks of Jewish people now but it’s pretty clear to me that he still holds a lot of antisemitic values and likes to torment Kyle in targeted ways because he’s Jewish. 

Season 21 and the first episode of season 23 are pretty obvious signs of that. In S21Ep7, he straight up told Heidi conspiracy theories about Jewish people and basically convinced her that Kyle has been manipulating her simply because he’s Jewish, as well as even going as far as teaching her that Jewish people are always “trying to get ahead of everyone else”. This isn’t some micro aggression he accidentally dropped despite showing vast improvement most of the time, this is extreme Nazi rhetoric, and it’s just as dangerous and damaging as the shit he was saying before Season 19. In S23Ep1, Cartman uses ICE to have Kyle’s family separated and placed in detention facilities in an extremely targeted act of revenge. He knows what he’s doing, and it’s obvious. He’s not stupid, and I don’t know how anyone can fall for his very clearly fake act in the episode that he somehow suddenly forgot Kyle was Jewish and that this situation would be something Kyle would be extra sensitive to. I’m going to give the benefit of the doubt that OP just forgot about these episodes but this is NOT an improvement in his behavior. It’s just more subtle and manipulative on his part which is disturbing and dangerous in its own right.

And then to talk about Cartman in the recent specials, I think there’s a strong argument for his behavior towards Judaism just seeming really fetishistic and even disingenuous, so even if his hatred isn’t there he’s still pretty antisemitic. 

So yeah, TL;DR, Cartman’s antisemitism seems to mostly revolve around his hatred/obsession with Kyle and he has not mellowed out in any positive ways since Season 19. 

[fairycosmos]

chloe, congrats on getting a job!! i really hope you'll like there 💞 when is your first work day?

i'm having a job interview next week. do you have any tips on how to survive a job interview without being like a complety nervous wreck? and do you an idea how to explain the gaps in a resume lol

thank u lovely ur a peach 💞 it's on monday so im currently in a haze of trying to download all the right stuff and fill in all the forms since it's part working from home part in the office ughhhhhhhh

anyway 2 answer your question omg job interviews are the worst but i honestly see them as like, a bit or a chance to play a character or something lmfaoooo. idk if that's helpful to you but yeah i have found that pretending i'm someone else kinda helps with the momentary nerves. playing up all of your achievements/positive qualities, smiling, trying to make eye contact, trying to come across as someone who loves working - it's like embodying a role. you don't have to be anxious because it's just a corporate persona and not you-you, though of course you have to try to come across as genuine as possible despite the fact.

another big thing or perhaps the biggest thing is just being prepared. you've probably already done it, but if not i really recommend looking up general interview questions and then planning out your answers to them in advance. even in bullet points so they're easy to remember. word your responses professionally and use positive vocab. this saved my life on a few different occasions, seems like knowing what to say and how to say it is half the battle tbh. take deep breaths beforehand and repeat kind affirmations to yourself if you get overwhelmed to put yourself in a better headspace. you are genuinely capable and you genuinely have a lot to offer and if that comes through in the interview, that's what matters.

about resume gaps - you can really use the pandemic to help explain them honestly, a lot of ppl have been without work and employers know that. and they might not even focus on it as much as you think they're going to. but i guess my main tip for that is to be diplomatic ab it. like, explain why you think this position is a great way to get back into working so it turns into a positive rather than a negative. if you've done any volunteering or anything at all that has expanded your skillset while unemployed, really try to impress that upon them. if you emphasize that you've still been very motivated and work-driven while looking for a job (even if you haven't lol) then i think you'll be alright. put a nice spin on it to make it look like it was your choice while you were preparing for the career you really want i.e the position you're interviewing for.

i also think it's important to treat it like a conversation more than an interview, too. you're seeing if they're decent employers just as much as they're seeing if you're a decent candidate. so i try to tell myself, alright. it's a 10-20 minute talk and then i'm out of here and if i don't get the job i never have to see these ppl again anyway and life goes on so i'm not going to torture myself over it either way. you know? i feel like this is total word salad because i can't organize my thoughts rn lol but good luck!!!💞💞 if they don't end up hiring you i wanna stress this: try not to take it personally. even though ik it's really hard and i still take it personally every time it happens lol but the reality is they're prob seeing tons of applicants and it's mostly about timing and luck rather than anything to do with you. im rooting for you!! 💞 promise it's not going to be as bad as you think, the build-up is always worse than the actual thing. sending u love and manifesting the job offer!! 💞

[katerinu]

I have arrived at the Yashahime is Over Party! I never, ever wanted a sequel, I was much happier with my own opinions and headcanons as to what happened after the show was over. (As I'm sure many fans were.) InuYasha has always been this great, big sandbox, where you can do whatever you want. Yashahime basically came in and stomped on everybody's fun time, so now I'm just trying to rebuild what I had! This rewrite isn't exactly my thoughts to a T on what I think should have happened at the end, rather, I tried to keep in mind the premise of Yashahime and just... fix it!

I know that my likes and opinions tend to be a bit disjointed from the rest-- for example, I LOVED the filler episodes. To this day, some of my favorite episodes that I go back to rewatch have been filler. I like slow and steady, I like lots and lots of dialogue. But Yashahime? Not like this. Never like this. For my rewrite, this is no longer a fantasy romance action adventure whatever. This is slice of life.

For my rewrite, Moroha becomes the main character. The story follows her as she travels around Japan, basically meeting old friends of her folks, and meeting some new ones along the way. InuKag and MirSan live generally happy, peaceful lives, with the Root Head demon being the last of their major problems for a long while.

I love the idea that with InuYasha and Kagome being a committed couple in an "unusual" relationship with an "unusual" daughter, Kaede's village over time becomes a safe haven for weak demons, half demons, and like-minded humans. It expands into a vast and bustling town, with plenty of colorful characters in addition.

Sango spends a lot of her day training Hisui and Gyokoto. She doesn't go out herself much anymore, and has basically passed the torch to her children and, of course, younger brother. Her time is mostly spent now creating and repairing weapons, though her real passion is in experimenting with fabrics to create stronger, more resistant material. Miroku continues to travel (so long as he stops by to say hello to his wife once and awhile) alongside his daughter Kin'u, who basically apprentices under him. He's so proud of who she's become.

Moroha is at that age where she longs to see the world outside their humble home. She packs her things, says goodbye to her mom and dad, and sets off. I can totally see her keeping the bounty hunter job as it would be a great way for her to make money on her own. And with her being loved and reasonably fed, whenever she loses a head, it can *actually* be funny. She still uses the rouge to become Beniyasha in tough times, but without the red pearl. (No pearls in this, the pearls are stupid.) She made a promise with her momma to only use the rouge in DIRE situations, since it can be dangerous. Of course, she's looked over by grandpa Myoga... and Shippo!

Shippo is much older now, but given that he's a demon (and I do subscribe to the demons age slower HC, despite the shit I give it) he appears to be around, or a little younger than Moroha. They're about equal in power which means they have to work together a lot to get out of sticky situations. They act as brother and sister since Shippo was basically adopted by InuKag, so there's no romance between them. It's purely familial.

Over the course of the series, Moroha meets old characters, both filler and canon, from the OG series. (Some Shippo recognizes, some he doesn't.) They help out with whatever problem-of-the-week is going on, as the episodes are primarily laid back and focused more on character interaction and development. They meet old faces like Jineji, Botan and Momiji, Kanta, Bunza, and even Shiori!

Shiori would have an episode or two, going more in depth on half demons and their human nights.

To keep the "mystery" aspect Sunrise TRIED to do while also putting a long term goal/conflict in the show to prevent it from getting boring, I would include Towa/Setsuna. But here's the kick-- I would combine them into one character.

Zetsumetsuko would sometimes run into our main cast and cause issues, mostly based on what the audience infers is some kind of misunderstanding or jealousy. This character will butt heads with Moroha, similar to how InuYasha and Sesshomaru were, but with her having a bit more sass.

Moroha says they smell familiar, but she can't place her finger on it. Zetsumetsuko tends to say some cryptic stuff, saying she knows some info that Moroha doesn't. This character is basically a wild card, and is to keep the audience on their toes. It is of course, later revealed that this character is the daughter of Sesshomaru. (Not that it's hard to guess, haha.) It happens when the main cast run into Rin. Zetsumetsuko appears to try and cause more trouble, only for Rin to excitedly shout, "Sister!" And begin doting upon her.

With tensions eased, the characters manage to sit and chat calmly. Zetsumetsuko feels like she doesn't belong, and struggles to find a place in the world similar to InuYasha. They barely knew their own father, raised primarily by Rin and Jaken. She doesn't even know her own mother. Zetsumetsuko has been following Moroha out of a sense of jealousy, since they're related but their paths have been so different. She basically reveals how lonely she's been, too. Which leads to her joining the group!

I wanted to introduce Zetsumetsuko as the daughter of Sesshomaru at the same time I introduced Rin as her sister, basically cutting Rin out of the running for potential mother right away.

The mother would be Kagura, who... I don't have a design for, ah! I heard a lot of talk and rumors about Kagura having become a goddess and I think I would apply that idea to my rewrite. It would explain why Kagura wasn't around for Zatsumetsuko growing up. Ah, now I have to make a Goddess!Kagura design, hahaha.

In conclusion, my sequel would be made purely for nostalgia's sake. No retcons, barely even touching the original plot of InuYasha. It would be a way to see the old cast through new characters, who would be charming in their own right without relying on their parents, and would allow us to revisit one-off and filler characters again. The sequel wouldn't be a necessary watch to enjoy InuYasha, it would just be a way for fans to go, "Oh, I remember that character! Good times!"

That's about it! I worked really hard on the character designs and thinking about their personalities and how they fit in, so if you haven't yet, it would be nice if you took a look at the links I put in and read a bit more about their characters! Please feel free to ask questions, I'm not the best at explaining myself at length since my mind gets jumbled, haha.

Thank you!

[go-go-devil]

Got tagged by @silenthillmutual to talk about five common things I put in my fanfics

Autism: It seems that above all else I use fanfiction as a means of delving into the autistic traits I see in the characters I enjoy! Not simply saying "Oh I think this character is autistic," but writing detailed depictions of the traits they exhibit (or ones I hc them to exhibit) and exploring how they grapple with their disorder. As an autistic person myself this has been extremely cathartic for me, particularly since I find the grand majority of media that tries to tackle autism to be misinformed at best or downright insulting at worst due to being written by allistics.

Worldbuilding: This point is largely about my hylics fanfics, but in all of the one's I've written I have a habit of trying to expand upon aspects of the characters and world in ways the text itself never does, even in the most mild of instances. One major reason why I prefer writing fics for media with very vague and/or nonexistent worldbuilding is that I can confidently utilize 100% of the canon in my stories while still writing something that basically comes across as original fiction with how much stuff I needed to add ;)

Angst: Borderline impossible for me to write any story that DOESN'T explore at least some deeply hidden dread or anxiety of the characters I write for, even if it's a more wholesome story. I was raised in the 2000's; no matter what I can't shake the edge lol

Familial Relationships: Whether it be found families or those related by blood, I've found I always enjoy exploring these kinds of relationships very often in the fics I've written, particularly when it comes between parents and their children. I find a lot of media and fanfic tend to either sugar-coat or demonize the guardian figures of characters (whether canon or made up for the fic's narrative), which is a shame because that sort of relationship can be just as interesting to expand upon as any other kind, whether the parents have a good, bad, or very complicated relationship w/ their children

Lengthy Descriptions Of A Location: I just can't help myself! I love fleshing out a setting so that the readers can get a clearer picture of the scenes I craft, usually lasting a paragraph at most. Setting is such an important aspect of any story, and I don't think fic authors should ever slack on environmental descriptions just because people already know the work they're writing for. Doing so could potentially lead to bad habits when you write original fiction, so watch out!

I don't know who to tag this time, so I suppose anyone who wants to join in can just tag me as one who suggested they do this ✨

[zentherainbowunicorn]

hey, bet you've got a whole bunch of asks just floating in out of your inbox like this already, buuut do you think you'll ever finish everlasting party? or even just do writing for the fandom again? your writing pieces were all so captivating and so beautifully characterized and JUST INCREDIBLE. even if you decide not to get back into writing it mind maybe giving some hints on how you planned for the story to go BECAUSE IM LITERALLY DYING TO KNOW. binge read the whole thing in one night and can't get over it!

You know, you’ve given me a great excuse to finally write a post about this anon, ‘cause I have a surprising amount to say on the topic ^^ But first, thank you so much for your kind words! I do look back fondly at the things I wrote for the Mystic Messenger fandom and I’m really glad you’ve enjoyed reading them as well.

So, here’s a Q&A-style answer to things I get asked about Everlasting Party and what I’m doing in the MysMe fandom nowadays (after the cut):

Why did you stop writing Everlasting Party?

At the time I believe I’d gotten rather overwhelmed with school work and decided to put off writing the next chapter until I felt like I had things better under control. Weeks turned into months, and because I hadn’t played Mystic Messenger in a while I started to doubt my ability to even finish the story I’d intended to tell. It became easier to just leave it “until I felt like coming back”.

But don’t worry too much about me - I’m doing pretty great nowadays, and I’ve even done a bunch of writing again in the last couple years (just not for MysMe, sadly).

Are you still in the MysMe fandom?

Yes, I am! I don’t post on here so much, but if you’ve been following my Mysterious Messenger posts at all (see the pinned post on this blog) you’ll know that I’ve been working on a Mystic Messenger-style engine since 2018. I tended to work on it in bursts throughout 2018 and early 2019 but for most of 2020 and all of 2021 I’ve been making daily updates to it adding new features, fixing bugs, and maintaining the code. It’s even got a novel-length wiki to go with it lol. I’m also collaborating with a group of people working on a free fangame that will use the engine.

Are you going to come back to Everlasting Party?

All right so this is actually a couple of questions in one. First, do I want to come back to EP? The answer is yes. It haunts me that I’ve left it unfinished and I sometimes get messages or comments about it and I want very dearly to have it finished so I don’t have this loose thread dangling about ^^;;

Will I come back to finish EP? I don’t have a concrete answer for this one because I hate making promises I can’t keep, but I’ll give you some information on my process for this:

I keep telling myself if I remake all the chatrooms for EP with my program (mentioned above), I have to finish writing EP.

I feel like I need to replay the games to re-familiarize myself with canon to properly write the characters again, but don’t really have the same drive to go through all the chats

It’s been a while and my writing style has actually evolved quite a bit (but for the better, I hope!). If I finish EP, there are earlier chapters I’d like to expand upon and potentially modify to flow better. I do worry though that earlier readers might not like the way I change it, but also, I have no idea how many of those people would come back to read the ending, really, anyway.

The good news, though:

I actually wrote 25k on EP during Camp NaNo in July 2020

This is EP’s current word count in my drafts (unedited):

EP is also no longer constrained by my ability (and patience) to make chatrooms at all anymore since I can generate them in mere minutes with my program rather than painstakingly editing them frame-by-frame in Photoshop

I would really like the satisfaction of finishing this story :P

So in summary anon: I am cautiously optimistic about the fate of Everlasting Party. And I actually adore messages like this that let me know people have enjoyed it and would be willing to come back if it was completed! ♥ The odds of me finishing it do, in fact, increase with each person who tells me this, ‘cause part of my worry is that it would be pointless anyway since it’s been several years and what if it doesn’t live up to what people imagined it would be...

Basically, even though I’ve written several additional unposted chapters of EP, I really want to have the whole story complete before uploading again so I don’t get anyone’s hopes up. That said, it’s also pointless to sit on another 25k+ of words if I don’t finish it, so... well, how’s this: if I don’t finish EP by 2022, then I’ll upload what I have written and write a note on my plans so people like you can have some closure.

Thank you again for this message! And if anyone reading this has read Everlasting Party and is also interested in the ending, I’d love if you’d send a message or comment my way with your thoughts ♥

[skittlewaffle]

Heartstrings

Chapter Two: A Sign

☆*:.｡.⭐️.｡.:*☆

A glint of orange light from the sun hit against my closed eyes. Morning had come, its rays flooding the atmosphere. With a sigh, I pushed myself off the concave wall of glass, looking down to spot the layered cliffs below. Thinking about my plan for today’s expedition, I wearily started to pick myself up. But suddenly, as I looked beyond my dull reflection in the glass, something not too far away caught my attention, sending a shock through me. It was a faint glimmer coming from a mountain slightly shorter than mine. I rubbed my eyes, not believing what they were showing me. I went through the facts in my mind. Firstly, I know that it’s not nighttime; there can’t be any stars out. Secondly, I might not be fully awake. Maybe my dreams were trying to make its way into my perception of reality? But thirdly, this has never happened to me before. Could it be…

“Good morning, Ametrine.”

Her voice startled me into a standing position. “Stratus, what’s going on out there?” I said, pointing to a large platform of pinkish rock. From the middle of that point stood one of those small pedestals. Right above it rested a floating octahedron. But what was normally a dormant white was now a mixture of colors joining into one blinking light.

“I am detecting signals from the Diamonds’ palace. The communicators still appear to be functional and are receiving these signals as well.”

Without another word, I nodded and dashed off to the elevator.

I knew in my head that whatever was going on with the communicators had nothing to do with me. The Lilac Plateaus had no place on any living being’s map; by extension, there was no reason to be contacting anyone who lived here. Whatever they have to say to me will probably mean nothing. But there was still that desire in me to see something more than rocks and flowers. One current event going on somewhere in the universe, many of which I’ve missed out on until this very moment. The chance to see something actively unfolding elsewhere the barren mountains in which I’ve been isolated.

I ran across bridges, climbed some rocks, and jumped between cliffs. Hundreds of years of living here provided me extensive knowledge of this place, like every feature was part of a map built into my brain. Not only that, but I was very skilled in traversing terrain as difficult as this.

It wasn’t too long before I finally made it to the communicator. The message had long since stopped playing, but the light was still blinking. Up this close, I could see the exact colors the device was made of: the colors of every Diamond. With every flash of light, the device made an electronic beep. For the first time in my life, I took the communicator into my own hands. I simply let the light flood me… I don’t know how to work these things.

But with just one light tap, the octahedron became two pyramids, drawing away from each other to pull out a screen. It expanded slowly, letting out short glitches before blurry images on the screen began to take a sharper form. My eyes widened.

“Once upon a time, the Gem Homeworld was ruled by Diamonds: White, Yellow, Blue, and the littlest Diamond, Pink.”

…Was?

“While the other Diamonds conquered many worlds across the galaxy, Pink had only one — the planet Earth. One day, Pink fled the comforts of Homeworld. On Earth, she made a new home, new friends, and finally, new life, giving up her form to bequeath her gem to her half-human son.”

Majorly confusing, but… intriguing.

“Without Pink, gemkind entered an era of despair. But when Steven Universe learned of his heritage, he reunited with his fellow Diamonds and championed a new era of peace and freedom across the furthest reaches of space.”

The view shifted to reveal the face of the very owner of my home colony, White Diamond. I eagerly leaned forward, taking in every single word.

“And now, dear gems everywhere, I’m pleased to announce that Steven is finally ready to take his rightful place on Pink Diamond’s throne!”

I tilted my head as the screen showing White Diamond’s face went down to a strange new gem called Steven.

“How’s it going, everybody? I know you all might be thinking of me as the new Pink Diamond, but you don't have to put me on a throne.”

...?

“I already have a rightful place, and it's on Earth. It's a beach house where I live with my friends, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl. As much as I loved dismantling the empire and saving all your planets, I can't wait to get home and spend some quality time with my friends.”

She- I mean.. he... had a friendly sparkle in his eyes as the broadcast ended, shortly after a few murmurs were exchanged by a couple other gems in the background. I was honestly so full of questions. This is a feeling I haven’t had in a while.. curiosity. The kind that really makes you think. Somehow, this one short message was enough to power on my imagination again. How long ago was this? What all happened during this supposed previous era? Who exactly were Pink’s friends? ...Where was Pink?

The communicator immediately shut itself closed. I looked up at the morning sky and pondered these unanswered questions in my head. When stumped, I replayed the message from Steven and the Diamonds, trying to pick up missed clues.

All the buzzing thoughts were hard to keep track of. From out of my glowing gem I pulled out a device visually similar to the communicator. This is a projector, a tool invented exclusively for Ametrines to take notes on and write their thoughts. I compiled my questions and possible answers on organized slides. I kept the communicator and brought it back to my Cloud, knowing I’d have a lot of thinking to do.

☆*:.｡.⭐️.｡.:*☆

This new occurrence actually brought me and Stratus something worthy of discussion. I exchanged my own theories to her about the history of the eras I have missed. She replied with approval of my creativity, as well as with a bit of knowledge about the roles of higher ranked gem authorities. For the rest of the day, instead of exploring again, I remained on my own mountain, pondering the message from this Steven.

On my own, after writing down everything I thought about the message as it applied to history, I began to wonder how this applied to me.

The main point of the message I picked up was that, for some reason, Pink was no longer part of the Diamond Authority; and the empire was dismantled, rendering the conquered worlds independent. This was the doing of Steven, after he took her place.

I don’t know Steven. I don’t even know the Diamonds. I don’t know a society or friends. If I’m being real, I hardly know myself.

But if there’s something I do know, it’s that none of these people had any effect on me. I was never obligated to answer to anyone, or even to follow the Diamonds’ established laws. As a result of Steven’s newfound authority, the colonies were set free; but this one never mattered. I had always been free to do as I pleased in the plateaus.

So… The new event was fun while it lasted. It brought about exciting development, even if only for a moment.

But I think I’m happy where I am now.

☆*:.｡.⭐️.｡.:*☆

(A/N: Surprise, fools >:D New chapter is out!! uwu I need advice tho.. at some point should I switch to third person omniscient? If possible, please reply / reblog and lemme know ur opinion! Feedback on the fic overall is also welcome~ I hope u enjoy 💖 Have another Ametrine you’ve already seen cuz I still don’t have a cover-)

[radical-revolution]

There is a certain question that people ask me continuously. People from this group, people I've never saw before that call me on the phone, people I meet in the park, homeless people, aliens, wretched people, people of all nationalities. What they ask me is this: As I am practicing atma-vichara, self-inquiry in the process will my humanhood improve. In other words what they want to know is while they're doing this sadhana, whether it's the I am meditation or self-inquiry, it may take weeks, months, years, will my personal life improve. If I am sick will I become healthy, if I am poor will I become rich, if I am miserable will I become peaceful so forth and so on.

The way I answer this is, first tell me what you mean when you say, "Improve your humanhood?" What do you mean by that? And the answer is: I mean to make myself a better person. To get a better job. To be able to buy a new car. To be able to get rid of the cancer that is eating up me. To get a companion, a mate that is compatible with my way of thinking. Will all these things happen while I practice.

We'll discuss this for a while.

This question presupposes that you are a human being and you wish to improve your humanhood. What you are really doing is building up your ego making it more powerful. What is a human being to begin with?

If you looked at a human being under an electric microscope you would find something very interesting. You would see billions of molecules and if you look deeper you would find trillions of atoms, that make up the molecules. You would see space in between the atoms. If you were as small as an atom, the space between the molecules would be the equivalent distance between the planets, between the earth and mars, the earth and jupiter, the earth and the sun. There is space between the planets also. That space is consciousness. And the space out of the body is also consciousness.

What I am trying to say is that there is one space and you are that space. Your body is in a state of flux. Your body is not what you think it is. It only appears to us to be solid. Just like every other thing on this earth, the chair, the radio, the rug, the wall. These things appear to be solid but they are not. What determines your body as compared to the wall is the movement of the atoms. How fast they move or how slow they move. The atoms of the body are moving at a certain speed. They become a body.

But again if you see what I'm talking about you're really space. You are not the body because the space between the atoms is larger, more than the atoms themselves. And the space becomes expanded taking up all of space. What is behind space? What causes space? What is the substratum of the space? You are, your real nature, absolute reality. So you see you are not what you appear to be. By trying to improve something that does not exist brings upon itself suffering. For you are identifying with the appearance rather than with the reality. As long as you identify with the appearance you go through all sorts of living conditions, all sorts of experiences. And you try to improve your living condition, as it were.

You are wasting your time, for in this world you have to experience both sides of the coin. When you improve your human condition something happens sooner or later so that you may improve an experience the other side of the coin. For every up there is a down, for every forward there is a backward.

Then who are you? Who is it that wants to improve their condition? That is the first thing that you should ask yourself. Who wants to improve the human condition? And the answer is always I do. Then "Who am I? What is the source of the I that wishes to improve the human condition?"

As you begin to search for the source you will find that the I disappears. As you begin to realize the truth about yourself, that you are not the body-mind, you are not the doer, happiness ensues. This happiness comes all by itself as a result of your realization that you are not the body-mind. But you still ask, "If I'm not realized why can't I live a total harmonious life in my illusion?"

It's impossible. Everything that is born, so-to-speak, must die. You begin to die as soon as you're born. But what does happen to you, to the extent that you begin to know the truth, to that extent do you begin to transcend the so called human condition.

In other words your body may still have cancer and you're no longer trying to heal it of anything. You're simply identifying with the reality. To the extent that you identify with the reality, to that extent do you no longer feel a body with cancer.

So to other people you may appear to have cancer, you may appear to be deteriorating. Like Ramana Maharshi did before he left his body so-to-speak. Like Rama Krishna and many others. The people see a deteriorating body, but the Sage does not have a body to deteriorate. He just has no body. The body does not exist for him. This is the problem because when I speak of this I know a lot of you get lost.

How can there be nobody when I see? Ask yourself, "Who sees? What do you see?" You see poverty, you see man's inhumanity to man, you see this and you see that. The seer that sees has to be transcended. There has to be a seer to see these things. When you ask, "Who is the seer?" Both the seer and the object seen dissolve into the nothingness from whence they came. This means you should not accept what is seen.

Let the world spin, let people go through their karma, leave things alone. Let the higher power take care of the world and universe, but you identify with the real Self. The

Self that is the omnipresence. The Self that is the higher power. Know that you are that. You are no longer a limited personality. You no longer are a frail human that's dying of cancer or experiencing lack or limitation or experiencing happiness, human happiness, or experiencing vibrant health.

Even Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to waste away. He may believe in his body but he's getting weaker as he gets older. He's wasted all this time identifying with the weightlifting room. When he could've become free and identified with reality.

Nobody lives forever. No situation remains the same forever. Everything ends in this world so it appears. Everything has a beginning a middle and an end. But you are not that, you have nothing to do with that picture. You are immortal, you are nirvana.

You must begin today to stop judging by appearances. The more you begin to feel this the less you talk. For what is talking all about. Except to talk about the world and people and things. Think how long you've been talking since you were born. You started with dada, mama and you expanded your vocabulary. You thought you were doing something great, you've wasted your time. The more words you know the larger the ego. The less words you know the closer you are to the Self.

What has the Self to say, to whom shall it talk to, itself? The Self is self-contained consciousness. Aware of itself, itself is omnipresence. So to whom shall it talk to, itself? It is perfect bliss consciousness. There need be no words, just a look, a touch, a glance is all you have to do.

Yet you say, "How can I do this? I work for a living, I have to eat, I have to earn my bread and butter, I have to talk." Don't worry about details. If you dive within yourself and you spend most of your time thinking about the I am, practicing self-inquiry, the details will work themselves out. You must not believe that it is up to you to work out all the details of life.

There is a higher power that knows where the appearance of your body is supposed to be and what work it's supposed to do. Trust that power. You will find out one day that the power is none other...is you. That power is your Self. But until then trust the power. I like to call this power, "The current that knows the way." It's a beautiful power, it only knows love. It wants you to become a living embodiment of love. It wants you to merge with itself.

Yet as long as you identify with the world you can never know reality. As long as you identify with your personal I, by always voicing what I feel, I feel hurt, I feel angry, I feel sick, I feel depressed, I feel happy because somebody gave me something, I feel good because I'm getting my own way. That I has got to go. The whole world, the whole universe, people places and things are attached to the I. If you follow the I to the source the whole universe will disappear.

And the question arises, "Then what? If the universe disappears will I be in outer space? Will I be in a fog?" It's a paradox. The universe disappears, yet you exist in the universe. Your body will continue going about its business but you will not be identifying with your body any longer. You will not even feel that you are in the body. But you will feel the body is in you. You will feel like a gigantic screen. Where all the items of this earth, trees, plants, flowers, bugs, murderers, lovers are all superimposed on the screen. They are on the screen and you are the screen. The screen is not in them.

So it's a misnomer to say that, "God is in me." The body that you think you are is in God and consciousness. Just like the body you draw on the blackboard. But the body you draw on the blackboard is not the blackboard. The blackboard is self-contained and you may draw items on the blackboard and erase them and draw new items on the blackboard and erase those. That is like life going from one life to the next life, from one experience to the next experience.

The whole universe is superimposed on consciousness. When you change identities and identify with consciousness everything disappears. Yet you continue experiencing not as an ego but as the Self. And what do you experience? Pure awareness. You are aware of the truth, the reality. Your body will continue its sojourn through the world doing whatever it came here for, but you will not be your body.

Again this is paradoxical for you appear to be your body but you are not your body. You become a living embodiment of pure happiness, total joy and bliss. The world can no longer fool you or disturb you. You have a feeling of deep immortality. You know without words that nobody dies because nobody was born. You understand and realize without words that there is no causation for the universe. Nothing ever brought it into life.

It has no cause.

If it has no cause, again you ask, "Where did it come from?" And the answer is it didn't come from anywhere. It's like hypnosis. You are hypnotized into believing something is real that is not and to you it's real when you come out of the hypnotic trance, you are part of the waking world again and that something that appeared real is gone. So it is with this world, it appears real, yet it's like a dream. You wake up and the dream is finished. When you wake up out of your mortal dream the idea of body-mind, doer is also finished.

Now is this teaching practical? Is finding your real nature practical? Of course it's practical. Remember you do not become a burden on society by practicing self-inquiry and coming closer to the truth. Many people still think that they will stay home everyday and just meditate. I remind you again it doesn't work that way. If you were meant to be active you will be active. If you were not meant to be active no matter how much you try to be active you will not be able to do anything.

Again do not concern yourself with details. Simply practice everyday. Be aware everyday. See who becomes frustrated, see who feels slighted, who is hurtable, see who is trying to give a one upper-ship on somebody else, see who competes with others, see who you are. Find out the truth. Become free.

It's wonderful to realize that your real nature is parabrahman. Beyond consciousness, beyond words and thoughts, beyond human experiences of any kind. That is how you bring peace into the world. Not by trying to make up peace slogans or demonstrations, but by becoming self-realized, awakening. Then automatically your consciousness expands and people feel it and they too automatically begin to turn within. In the beginning do not concern yourself with these things whatsoever.

When you awaken then see if you want to bring peace to this world, because I kid you not, there is no world to bring peace to. We are looking at things from both sides. When you still believe in your humanity you want to do good deeds, you want to bring peace to the world, make this world a better world in which to live but the further into truth you go, the more you become self-realized the more you are able to see, "I am the world. All this is the Self and I am that." And you live a wonderful life.

Again it begins as soon as you wake up in the morning. Try your best to see the fourth state of consciousness beyond waking, sleeping and dreaming. The fourth state is between sleeping and awakening. Try to catch yourself there.

People tell me they try and just can't. If you keep trying you will. That place where there is no thoughts. A place where there is no thinking of any kind. That still place, that is bliss consciousness. Before the I comes out and starts to do it's dirty work. Just before the I wakes up ask yourself, "Where did the I come from? What was its source? Who am I?" And the last thing before you fall asleep, same situation. When all thoughts stop and you are about to sleep, catch yourself in that state and ask, "Where did the I go? The I seems to be disappearing as I fall asleep. Where is it gone? What is its source?" And yet as you sleep as you dream as you awake there appears to be another I that is the observer of you sleeping, awake and dreaming. That is the real I, that is consciousness.

Actually there is only one I but as long as you identify with the body it appears to be a personal I. As you begin to become aware of the higher I the personal I simply disappears, for it never really existed. And the large I comes into play, which is pure awareness.

(tape break)

You will find something very interesting happening to you. You are becoming happier and happier for no reason. Your fears just melt away. Your past dissolves. The new man is born. All the guilt dissipates. You have awakened. Try it, it works.

— Robert Adams