#i cannot be your only person in the world. i can't. on a fundamental level i cannot do that

[trans-cuchulainn]

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[babacontainsmultitudes]

I'm not the first person to bring this up but, I do feel that the general response to the gun range scene has mostly failed to acknowledge the context that would call for such extreme levels of self-defense training in the first place. We know from episode 23 that even just a few years after the release of the doodler (when Lark and Sparrow themselves are still just teens) things are already pretty bad (to the extent that in Lark's case the stress of it all has already begun to take a physical toll on him- don't forget that he and Sparrow too were once kids who had the world placed on their shoulders), and one need only look at how quickly the situation with the mayor has degraded to imagine how bad things would have gotten by the time Hero was 12. Training your six-year-old to use a gun in a normal or at least mostly normal world? Batshit crazy. Training your six-year-old to use a gun in a world overrun by an eldritch horror where danger, death, and the possibility of corruption from said eldritch horror are around every corner? Still intense but, much easier to understand the reasoning behind.

oh oops it's a long post woops woops woops

In Sparrow's case in particular, we know that he behaves quite differently under alternative circumstances, and that Normal (Hero too for that matter) lives a pretty different life in a post code purple world:

Not that it hasn't been Sparrow's intent and priority to mitigate the extent to which Normal was caught up in everything from the get-go, as evidenced by his namesake. Recall what he had to say on the matter:

In some ways this extreme self-defense training is a "two sides of the same coin" sort of deal vis-a-vis Grant's extreme isolation of Lincoln for his protection, a major difference being that Lincoln still deals with this in a post code purple world (to the extent that he literally had to pretend to starve himself to get his dad to let him go to public school), whereas Normal and Hero get the chance to live mostly normal lives and do as they please (the disapproving words of a drunken and partially-doodlerized Sparrow aside), now removed from the immediate threat of the doodler.

Hero's case is, at least from what we currently know about the prophecy, more complicated than Norm's. It is easy to reprimand Lark and Sparrow as being the worst parents (and/or uncles) whilst forgetting that their circumstances are fundamentally different from the other kiddads. The first half of this lying in their shared responsibility (and guilt) in releasing the doodler. Grant and Nicky can retreat to their respective homes on the basis that this is the best they can do, resolving to put their energy into protecting their closest ones first and foremost. At the end of the day, they aren't really any more responsible for dealing with the doodler than any other bystander. The same cannot be said of Lark and Sparrow, who can't exactly look away from the fact that they were the ones who brought the doodler into the world. At least from their perspectives- of course Lark (and Sparrow by extension) in reality was a child that was manipulated into doing what he did, which as some people have pointed out is not dissimilar to what happened to Normal at the end of this episode (and if Sparrow felt the need to rid Normal of his memories of this event in particular, perhaps it was to spare his child from feeling guilty about it for the rest of his life).

The second half of what differentiates them is, of course, the prophecy (right- now we can actually get to Hero lol). We must remember that, as far as the twins knew, the only way to actually "defeat" the doodler permanently was through the chosen one, i.e. Hero (probably- after last episode I'm starting to think that Norm may be more directly involved in the prophecy than previously thought, but that's a tangent). "Continue to let the being you released into the world kill and torture millions (very likely billions) of people, which could wind up including both of your children, or put your ill-fated child through very intense and ultimately traumatizing training to put an end to it, potentially losing her in the process", is essentially the choice the twins were given. Hero isn't made to kill a deer with her bare hands for the hell of it, she goes through what she does because Lark (who likely did not see the same thing that Normal did on the throne- or at the very least interpreted things very differently) and Sparrow had no reason to believe that there was any other possibility. This certainly does not negate or undermine the extent to which Hero was deeply traumatized by it all, but it's not exactly a detail that you can choose to ignore when discussing the ethics of Lark and Sparrow's decision-making.

And yet, despite it all, Sparrow and Lark do ultimately chose saving their children over saving the world. Not before significant damage has already been done (to Hero that is), but they do decide to go through with the one plan that allows both of their children to (hopefully) live a doodler-free life: code purple. Code purple, which ultimately reduces to a trolley problem with a presumably near-equal number of people on both tracks, with the important difference of sparing their own children in one case, and likely not the other. And if we want to talk about Henry's ethical stance in the matter and how it compares to the twins, we need to consider what it says about him if he was *not* in favor of code purple, with all of this in mind. Not to come to any hasty conclusions about Henry either- I think there remains too many unknowns on that front to assume much and... Ultimately it's a complicated matter! But that's kind of my point.

Even post code purple, Lark and Sparrow (and the rest of the kiddads) try to pursue that which they believe (or at least hope) will both put an end to the doodler without involving their children and without the enactment of the prophecy. Is blowing up an entire world with the sun to save all the others a plan I'm gonna sit here and defend? I don't think so lol, but you can't exactly look at it and pretend that Lark and Sparrow don't care about protecting their fucking kids.

My point isn't that Lark and Sparrow haven't made a lot of mistakes and questionable decisions, my point is that their circumstances are so much less black and white than the majority of the takes I see on them make them out to be, and a lot of the conclusions I see people jump to when it comes to the twins' feelings and intentions strike me as... Pretty odd? Tangentially-related: if you don't think Sparrow is someone who is affectionate with and deeply loves his kids despite his flaws, I don't really think we're listening to the same podcast. But even in Lark's case, yes he's more subtle about it and yes, Lark can be quick to anger (not that I personally read him yelling in the last episode as anger so much as panic but all the same), but affection can be sewing bulletproof material into your nephew's mascot costume, or secretly taking him out for pizza, or pretending to be his dad so that you can tell him you're proud of him, or putting your gun down when he asks you to. The twins are anything but perfect but, fuck if they aren't trying (and changing, and improving). And yes, they deserve some damn nuance.

Also, okay, I couldn't really find a neat way to bring this up in the above but, speaking of no-nuance and bad faith takes, can we talk about the locks? Or lack thereof, rather. "How could they be so stupid as to leave the door unlocked?" you're right, that does seem odd, and Anthony made a point to explain that every other door was very thoroughly locked, and Normal seemed to have practically been moved into opening the door against his own will so... Hear me out, maybe, just maybe, the door usually *is* locked??? And something fishy or unusual is afoot? I also wouldn't take their immediate, knee-jerk reactions to a dangerous flesh monster being released to come to any conclusions on whether or not Lark and Sparrow "blame" six-year-old Normal for it. In Sparrow's case, I struggle to even imagine it. In Lark's case, though I wouldn't put him above getting angry over it, my doubts on his deeper feelings are still high. Conversely, if he actually did place some of the blame on Normal, at the very least there is an interesting discussion to be had on how this relates to Lark's own guilt over what Willy manipulated him into doing, and subsequently being denied the catharsis of punishment. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Like I said, a lot of important things are yet unknown.

*breathes* okay end of overdue ramble [insert proper conclusion paragraph here lol], thank you.

[ahoyimlosingmymind]

i have compassion for Fitz Vacker in the same way I have compassion for Child stars in Hollywood.

He is perceived as a living dream, while he exists in a nightmare that people have so little understanding and empathy for. There's a level to him that is fundamentally unrelatable to most. He has no perceived lacking. At least, not when you're taking in the situation at face-value.

And this^ way of seeing him is fundamentally isolating. It strips him of depth and realness, and it makes him into an image to ascribe ideas and false perceptions onto. A blank canvas to project all of your worst insecurities . After all, He's not real- it doesn't hurt him, right? In fact, it's trendy among the lower class to dislike him. If you aren't obsessed with him to the point of a parasocial relationship, then you resent him. He cannot struggle or have any issues whatsoever because the perception of what luxury is, is so powerful.

This is reflected in the way Dex saw the Vacker's in books 1 and 2. It's reflected in the fandom's inability to empathize with Fitz is any way shape or form (at least on Pinterest/YouTube/Instagram)

He's socialized more around adults than his peers, because of the idea of giftedness and notoriety. Which just puts him on a higher pedestal, and makes him a larger target to hate among kids his age.

He is known, but he is not known. If anyone pursues him as a friend, it is for the sake of making connections and being popular. It's disingenuous. It's to use him as a stepping stool on a rapid rise to fame. to exploit him for personal gain. His trust issues don't come from nowhere, after all.

He had one friend his entire childhood. and what do you know? It's a kid who is trying so hard to outrun the exploitation of his dad's dreams and wishes for him.

Sure, Fitz's parents are present in his life, but they can only mitigate so much of the outside world before it starts seeping right through the walls of their home.

I just think it would be so strange to have so many people barely know you and either obsess over you to the point that you are more fantasy than reality, or resent you so much that you can't say a word without hearing some snide comment in response. And to know that NONE of it is real. None of these people know you.

Fitz's family obviously represents a really big issue in society. Because Dex, Sophie etc... they are RIGHT, that the standards of their world aren't fair. They are right to call it out. They are right to have anger towards the 'upper class' who does nothing to help the lower class. It's understandable. and it's far more relatable than Fitz's situation. but the thing is, shame is shame. and scorn is scorn.

the upper class may whisper. But the lower class does too.

and that's just it. Therein lies the issue with the lost cities.

IT"S NO ONES CHOICE. It was not Dex's choice to born into a bad match marriage, it was not Keslar and Juline's choice to be born in a world where a system like mathmaking even exists. It wasn't their choice to have triplets. But it also wasn't their choice to raise them in a society that hates them.

But no more was it Fitz's choice to be born a Vacker. No more was it his choice that his parents happened to be a good match. It's not his choice to be born into a society where that stuff matters. He's a kid.

But because he represents something at face value that people tend to hate, he is undeserving of compassion when compared to a character like Dex. Fitz is dismissed and disliked because he represents something about their society, even though he's a child who has no real way to combat what generations older than him have enforced.

He is the vessel that is easy to target and to hate, because people need to find someone to blame. Even if that person technically has not contributed in any way to the thing that the people wish to destroy.

and it can only cause resentment to build between the two classes.

Idk man the perception of Fitz Vacker will forever have my head spinning.

[celestemagnoliathewriter]

What is the function of AI art/writing? I've been asking myself that lately, while thinking of writer strikes, AI scraping of fanfic websites, and ChatGPT being used for school essays. What do its creators and users want out of it? Why, if it is human-curated (programmed), does it feel so inauthentic?

As a writer of both fiction (fanfic) and nonfiction (academia), the work that I produce is a reflection of the world around me, my experiences, and observations of others. The stories I write, and even persuasive academic works, try to grasp what is important to me or what I find is needed, even if it already exists in another form. We don't understand the entire human condition of sadness by reading one sad story - each story, each account, reveals a different dimension of it and invites us to reflect on it.

I'd argue that when we create, whether fiction, nonfiction, art, etc., we invite others to reflect with us, explore with us, and enter into a space we haven't seen before, if only because we cannot enter each others' minds and experience how we experience in each moment. It's an invitation to enter a part of the world that is, by necessity, new to us, even if we re-read, re-see, re-experience it repeatedly because we are ever-changing.

AI can't do this. AI can't invite us to experience, to laugh, cry, get angry, get sad, or explore a dimension of human experience. AI can learn by algorithm and programming, but it cannot and does not feel. It can only regurgitate an amalgam of human experience out of whatever it's given. It's not authentic because it's not human. AI can't experience the joy of brushing your fingers through a cat's fur, or the painful injustice of human suffering, or the absurdity of human follies. It can't experience for itself, so when it "creates" it isn't authentic or satisfying.

Perhaps one day AI will feel more authentic, but there's a fundamental disconnect, in my view, between what feels authentic and what is authentic. I don't even have to understand authenticity in order to recognize or affirm it (contemporary art falls into this category, for me). But AI won't ever be able to say, with the joy of a five year old, the pride of a twentysomething, or learnedness of anyone, at any age, "I made this. Look at it, read it, let me share a part of myself, my spirit, my life with you." AI has no life, no self-reflection, no human authenticity.

The function may be to assist human living, enrich us in some way, but it should only enrich us to the same level as tools might; they are in service to us. We are not in service to it, and we shouldn't try to replace authentic human experience with it, or else I fear we will lose some of the richness that can only be given through the sharing of one person's life with another.

[marblecakemix]

hey, about your blog intro you said that you don't hate trans people but you hate their ideology, do you mind explaining what you mean?

Not at all! It came out kinda long, I hope you don't mind.

The first thing I hate the most about gender ideology is "trans kids". I'm strongly against stuffing children with hormones that their young and still developing bodies do not need. I believe that children cannot give consent to irreversible hormonal therapy and surgeries. Especially when hormones have a huge impact on their mental and physical development (just look at how different levels of estrogen in a woman's body change how she acts). A lot of adults aren't sure about transitioning and sometimes regret parts of it, how can a child make such a difficult and life-altering decision? There are safer and healthier ways of testing the waters (that should last at least 2 years to be sure), like changing the style of clothes, using different pronouns and assimilating more with the opposite sex. Why is that not the first thing recommended to those kids?

And to the people who deny any of that happening. Today at the mall I saw a 14/15 y/o girl on testosterone (I and my friend could tell by how uncharacteristically low her voice was). She clearly was not doing well, she had that empty look in her eyes (speaking from experience). She was maybe a head smaller than me (I'm 155cm/5'1) and she'll most likely never grow taller and will probably end up obese, because of taking testosterone so early. In my country gay marriage is illegal, but you are free to butcher a child's natural growth with hormones? That does not seem right.

The second thing is how transness is presented nowadays. You don't need to have gender dysphoria (even though it's the first thing you would need to be diagnosed with a decade ago to transition which was the essential thing in transsexualism)! You don't even have to want to change at all! Now all you need to do is to check the criteria of "feeling trans/like different gender" which is deeply rooted in sexism and operates on stereotypes. What does "feeling like a woman" mean? Women-feelers want to wear all pink, revealing clothing, have big bouncy boobs, act stupid, and be annoying? That sounds pretty sexist to me. Same with "feeling like a man". A man is not someone who likes bears, fishing, and cars, we all know that. You can't feel like a man/woman, because sex is not based on feelings, interests, and personality which the opposite is one of the fundamentals of being trans according to gender ideology. The most harmful thing I see that comes out of it is women (usually identifying as non-binary) say things like, I don't feel like a woman, because I have a complex personality and can think on a higher level than a toddler. That's sexism all throughout that gender ideology supports wholeheartedly.

Another thing is borderline occultic behaviors I see in gender ideology believers. They pray on the young and vulnerable and tell them that the irreversible change to their body will fix all their problems (that have usually nothing to do with gender dysphoria). The activity discourages people from looking into research on topics that questions the ideology and show the negative side of it. They vandalize, attack, and kill people who are against their ideology. They expect that their minority rights will have more power than 99% of the world's population. They usually are only or mostly friends with themselves. They advocate for children to be taken away from their families just because the family is questioning their child's behavior. Straight-up lying about statistics and research results like how the newest research says that people who transition are more likely to take their own lives than before transitioning and I don't think you'll ever hear about that from gender ideologist. There's a lot more, but I can't think of another example now.

Those are the main reasons why I hate gender ideology. I hope that this answers your question. If you want to ask about anything more specific, go ahead!

[cherubchoirs]

i am glad you still love your supercomputer au! your fanfiction and the pieces you created once is such masterpieces... your old curiouscat link gave an error so i cannot see the answers you gave to people. can you generally tell the au shortly? akiras relationships with phantom thieves, futaba and akiras relationships etc etc

aaaa thank you!! and im sorry so much was on curiouscat that i didn't back up ;o; but i can definitely give a brief overview as well as go into a little more detail about akira!!

for some background, akira was an orphaned child used in the cognitive pscience experiments, as he showed great potential in preliminary testing (ie, what would become his wildcard ability) he grew up housed in a facility for this purpose, with his main social contact through the ten years he was there being YAL20XX, a supercomputer designed to analyze data related to the field. frightened and eventually bitter toward the researchers, YAL was programmed to speak to him for them, keeping him content in a way they couldn't while gathering information he refused to give. this back and forth went on long enough that, in YAL's complexity, he grew into sentience and so into hatred for humanity - akira understood his emotions and yal, with full control of the facility, was able to plan their escape and the subsequent work they did on creating the metaverse navigator

the test for humanity is the same as in canon, with akira playing the role of black mask with his persona, mephistopheles. he is an unknown entity to the conspiracy, but his brutal efficiency means they don't bother to question who he might be. akira, as a person, rarely goes out and refuses to make connections with others, believing yal to be the only being he can trust or that can understand him - he is too different, too changed from who he could have been and what everyone else is, and he carries a great grudge for his mistreatment. he believes in the world yaldabaoth promises, and he is sure humanity will ultimately fail their test regardless of the introduction of the phantom thieves to stand against shido

his connection to the thieves is mixed, somewhat limited, but grows increasingly over time - goro is of course who he meets first, becoming a regular at leblanc so yal can keep a close eye on him through a more human lens (and have an agent that can direct him as needed) goro is very much taken by akira's bright intellect and unusual perspective, while akira slowly comes to appreciate goro's tenacity and his willingness to risk everything in his work as a thief. it's not easy for him to make connections or believe others, but goro doesn't give up on pursuing their relationship, he puts his faith in akira and refuses to leave their friendship at a surface level despite akira's coldness. and that's. very hard for akira to accept. he so fully believes in humanity's irredeemable malice and his own fundamental brokenness that he doesn't know how to feel when goro continuously defies those expectations. goro, as well as all the thieves, risk their freedom and their lives over and over again for victims they don't know, to build a better world without ever receiving praise or compensation. and goro listens to akira, engages with him but gives him space too, reaches out to see if he ever wants to join them for a day out or just spend time together. even if akira keeps saying no, goro will text him again soon. the thieves are good people, and akira isn't the unlovable monster he believed himself to be.

futaba is very interesting in the supercomputer au, because i like to think she's the one that tipped goro off to akira being much more than he seemed - largely because whatever he's using, futaba can't hack into it. it makes akira VERY wary of her, keeping his distance from futaba as much as he can without attracting attention, but she just knows something is up with him if he's got a setup she has no way into. i do like the idea that she basically fries her computer to catch a glimpse of yal with his mess of esoteric code, but it's enough to unravel akira's identity (in a much more convoluted way than canon got to lol) - she traces him back to a user known as "bowman" that was snooping similar government databases as she did, making his connection to cognitive psience come to the forefront. this is compounded by her finding out all of akira's identification, from his name to his apparent history, is all faked when dug into. at this point they all know he will have to be confronted, and that leads into the end of the game

sorry that was kinda long ;;;; but i think that about covers it!!! if you have any other questions i'd be happy to answer those too ^^

[salora-rainriver]

The Sympathy Problem, or "Why I'm Too Much of a Monsterfucker to Get Into Horror"

I don't know what the fuck this is, but I'm writing an essay about a problem that, as far as I know, only applies to me (but i might be totally wrong, who knows).

I think the title speaks for itself, but lemme just elaborate on what the fuck happens inside my brain, and how that fundamentally affects the way I handle horror media, to the point where I cannot truly appreciate it as horror on the same level as everyone else.

now lemme post a cute bat here so that there'll be an appropriate image to represent the whole essay when its link is shared on stuff like Discord:

trust me this was important. Okay, let's keep going.

Part 1: Why I'm a Monsterfucker

Let's start at age 4. I'm a dinosaur kid, like roughly 1/3rd of all autistic bitches. I'm a dinosaur kid to the point of owning multiple Land Before Time movies, and tie-in games, and I think I even had like two plushies at one point.

you know it's serious when this is your childhood.

I also had miscellaneous dinosaur plushies, and dinosaur toys, and a dinosaur book I frequently read front-to-back, and you get the idea.

dinosaur love evolves into dragon love, evolves into "funky monster creatures and animals of all kinds" love. I become a freakish savant of the wonderful world of the animal kingdom really quickly, to the point where my child-brain career prospects include "vet" as a pretty high finalist.

And then I find Starcraft, a game in a genre I otherwise wouldn't have given a shit about... but guess what? it has bug dinos.

it's all over for me.

But like, why? why do I like dinosaur so much?

... because I am dinosaur.

Look. LOOK. I can't give a good comprehensive list on the connections between my particular strand of autism and the state of Being A Dinosaur, because by this point, me being autistic and me being a dinosaur are so completely intertwined that it's often a chicken-egg situation. But the point is,

I make weird noises instead of using my words. I toe-walk. I don't like shoes. Sometimes I like to not wear clothes at all, even. I like to hide in small crevices when spooked. When I'm in a meltdown, I scare people.

Me dinosaur. Or at least, me some type of feral.

So is it any fucken surprise that when I go into an RPG, I latch onto the animal shapeshifter, the furry species, or the person who fights unarmed and/or uses a claw weapon?

Is it any fucking surprise that I am the opposite of spooked by snakes and spiders and other such creepy crawlies?

is it any fucking surprise that I have a fursona?????

is it any fucking surprise that I picked Pokemon Scarlet without the slightest HINT of remorse?!

Part 2: Wait, That's not the Intended Response

now let's talk about horror. Let's talk about the elements that make horror into horror: the fear part.

So what scares people? Well... people scare us. A serial killer, a mad scientist, a cult leader, a corrupt government entity, maybe? or maybe even society itself, its darker side full of atrocities and danger and problems where there's no easy solution and things can often seem hopeless?

... lmao who are we kidding that's not the vast majority of what scares people in horror. IT'S MONSTERS! Monsters scare people!

From Xenomorphs to Jean Jacket to The Babadook, it's monsters! Shit that ain't human and never could be human, and maybe it's pretending to be human, maybe it used to be human, but now it ain't, and it's gonna getcha!

And it just.

I'm a monsterfucker.

I'm not scared of ghosts. Sure he's fucked up and wailing in endless pain and lashing out at everything, but that just makes me feel sad. Like, poor ghost dude. We should help him.

I'm not scared of vampires or werewolves. They're people like anyone else, and sure, there's an inherent danger from being around them, but there's also an inherent danger from being close to an alligator, and I'm sure as fuck not scared of an alligator chilling on the side of the road. Cautious, maybe, but not scared.

I'm not scared of zombies. I mean, if they were real, I'd be a bit spooked, cause I have no combat expertise and would definitely be Fucked. But the same would apply if my hometown became a war zone. And... a war movie won't scare me. So a zombie movie wouldn't, either.

I'm not scared of xenomorphs. I mean I don't want to die, but that just means I should be entering alien environments with all proper safety procedures. TBH I'm more pissed at Weyland-Yutani than anything else.

I'm not scared of the Babadook. I'm worried for the well-being of the family as they try to come to terms with grief, and the monstrous shape that grief has taken. But it seems like they're coping in the end, so that's good.

I'm not scared of Jean Jacket - okay no. I'll be honest. It makes me uncomfortable. I will not be going into detail on the difference between this discomfort and actual fear. That is not a Salora Lore I want to disclose here. If you Know, you Know.

Part 3: Horror ceases to be a genre for me

So the monsters in horror movies don't scare me. And yet... I've watched some horror movies. And I've liked them. From this one list I've been using as quick reference to remind myself of What Horror Movies Exist out there, I've watched a few of these, or am at least familiar with them. You know, I've seen some classic horrors like "The Shining" because I went to film class in high school, and I've watched some installments of classic franchises like "Scream", or oddball picks like "Warm Bodies" and "The Relic", because I was having watch parties with friends.

Even beyond film, I read some Lovecraft once, and I've played plenty of spookier-themed videogames, like... well, like Silent Hill 2. Didn't finish that one. Bcs I'm bad at puzzles. But I loved the atmosphere.

And even when I'm not directly experiencing the horror media, I often look it up, read the synopsis, and watch video essays about it.

I know way too much about Hereditary, Midsommar, Get Out, the Slasher Genre in general, Creepypasta, Resident Evil, and mascot horror, for someone who's supposedly not able to properly engage with horror as a medium.

And I like some of that shit! But uh...

... not. as horror.

I just. Don't engage with them as horror films. I engage with them as whatever other genre you could slot them into. Hereditary is a tragedy. Get Out is political allegory. The Babadook is psychological allegory. Ghost stories are dark fantasy. Alien is sci fi. Slasher films go back and forth between mystery, action, and dark comedy. Warm Bodies is a rom-com. (like. that's not even a weird hot take. I don't know why this Rotten Tomatoes editorial decided it was horror, but I'm not gonna dispute their assertion, Bcs like. this entire essay is about why I'm not a good judge on that sort of thing) Silent Hill is a puzzle-adventure game with light action. Five Nights at Freddys is a time-management simulation game that would stress me the fuck out if I ever played it. Amnesia: the Dark Descent is a stealth game.

You get the idea.

So I'm just... in this really weird position. I'm a huge fan of spooky monsters, strange happenings, stories that engage seriously with the anxieties of mankind through allegory,

but I can't. truly enter the horror genre community as an insider.

Cause I ain't scared.

And honestly, it gets even worse when I start to imagine myself maybe, idk, *writing* a horror story of my own. Because... since I don't get scared by them, how am I supposed to know what scares others? Apologies to my fellow disabled folk for this clumsy analogy, but... it feels like trying to paint while visually impaired. I mean... you can do it. You can do it super well if you push yourself. but it's a strong disadvantage, and it might result in an artwork that could baffle the seeing people in your audience.

And maybe there could be merit in that. In writing my attempt at a horror story from the perspective of someone who doesn't find any of it scary. Maybe it's be intriguing, even surreal or dreamlike or alien to the audience who doesn't engage with this subject matter in the same way I do.

Or maybe it'd just end up similar to that one phase of the creepypasta fad where folks were going "wooo! hyperrealistic blood! isn't it spoopy n fuked up????" and it'll be garbage idfk

Bonus Round: ...Okay I Might've Lied a Bit

There is one movie that for me, truly could be considered "horror".

It genuinely terrified me as I watched it. It shook me to my core and opened my eyes to how other people feel when they see some shadowy monster figure with too many teeth reach out and eviscerate a poor bitch. I fucking get it now, to some extent. I don't know *how* the spiky boy elicits that response in you, but now I understand how it feels.

Because I watched FUCKING M3GAN

[SPOILER WARNING: I'm not saying the exact plot beats of the movie but I AM going into detail about its themes and the character development of the protagonist. It's massive spoilers but they're all vague spoilers.]

Me and my friends didn't pick this movie thinking we'd get spooked. this is the movie where the doll does some sort of modern dance routine while carrying a katana. It's goofy shit! We figured this was goofy ass modern trash and we were gonna laugh.

MOTHERFUCKERS I WASN'T LAUGHING????

Is the premise unrealistic and goofy? yeah. are the characters exaggerated and cartoonish? yes. are there like, numerous jokes throughout this film, that are portrayed as jokes? yes. was the dancing robot doll chase sequence goofy as shit? yes*

*ok but the context of That Scene made my brain gloss right the fuck over how goofy it was bcs I was too fucked up over everything else that already happened!

So like. What? How? How is goofy robot doll horrifying? Salora, you know how many stories about rogue AIs and killer robots there are? Why doesn't skynet scare you?

It's not about the doll. It's about the humans who created her.

This film is as subtle as a fucking anvil when it comes to it's social commentary. Like, "opening sequence is a kids commercial for Deranged Knockoff Furby" and "a therapist character explains attachment theory for a whole scene" levels of unsubtle. and honestly that makes the horror fucking worse. in this bizarre cartoonish parody of society, we're seeing a laid-bare and raw allegory for the real harm we are inadvertently delivering upon real fucking people. Weirdly enough, the exaggeration just makes it feel more real.

and what's "It"? Not the uncanny valley of a too-perfect silicon face, the gruesome deaths, the murderous AI,

No, "it" is the commodification of childhood, the degradation of familial ties and human connection through overwork, the way we try to patch these broken ties with product, the outsourcing of parenting to toys and machines, the disastrous consequences of allowing an orphan to vanish into wish fulfillment fantasy instead of being given space to work through her grief,

the exploitation of her grief in order to market the very thing that's spiraling her further into an unhealthy dependency, to do the exact same thing to children worldwide, all because of profit.

Look. Monsters, ghosts, demons, serial killers, zombies, predatory animals, rogue AI, they're not scary to me, because I know them. and if I don't know them, I want to know them. The solution to the threats things like that pose are simple. Keep your distance from the crocodile. Punch the shark's sensitive nose to make it back off. Invest in security measures so your house doesn't get broken into. Don't anger the ghost. Exorcise the demon. Shoot the zombie's head.

How do you, an overworked engineer for a toy company, find the time to connect with your orphaned niece on a human level?

How do you take away said niece's beloved doll when you slowly come to realize that her attachment to it has become unhealthy?

What the fuck are you supposed to even do when you realize that you might have created a murderous monster and marketed it to hundreds of kids, and your overzealous boss is in your ear pressuring you to get it ready for launch?

WHAT A FUCKING NIGHTMARE.

Conclusion: But fr am I like the Only One

so uh. yeah.

My fear response is mucked around by an unusually high level of sympathy for the monsters that tend to populate horror media. I'm Too Kinky To be Tortured, and it puts me in an awkward relationship with the horror genre, where the only things that can well and truly terrify me are unhealthy relationships and capitalism, and even then, only if those topics are presented in just the right way to make me feel like this shit is Real.

And like you know how there's a whole language of like, scares and signifiers and shit that's been well-researched, all these tiny tips and tricks to exploit primal fears in humans? (I dont know if language is the right word but im just gonna call it that until further notice)

well, a lot of that Language of Horror doesn't quite work on me, because it's all related to monsters and physical threats, and I love the monsters too much,

and I imagine there is a whole different Language out there of the shit that can be exploited to scare me,

but fuck if i know what it is. I only got a single movie as my frame of reference. How the fuck would you even find a movie that handles social anxiety like that?

Like idk, do y'all think Carrie would spook me? Carrie's about societal ills, right?

[leveractionlesbian]

i've been playing fallout 4 a lot recently, and i've come to realize the story is actually good if you're willing to meet it halfway. it's only crime is being a story that's just "good" in a franchise with three (fallout 3 isn't real it can't hurt me) of the greatest stories ever told in any video game

elaborating under the cut:

you cannot play fallout 4 as an RPG. you will hate it. there is very little roleplaying outside of the very few avenues the game gives you for it (roleplaying as "generic member of the faction you're playing as" is actually pretty fun) because character builds don't build character narrative and the dialogue options are miserably limited. fallout 4 is a looter shooter with a branching story, and if you treat it like that, you'll have a good time.

the Minutemen questline is cool but underdeveloped. you should play it with the mod We Are The Minutemen for an improved experience. but generally, it does a good job making the player feel like a goody two shoes minuteman running to help the farmers and settlers, and building a small idealistic republic. it ties the narrative into the settlement gameplay very nicely as well. imo, they should have just made Preston Garvey the general so that him giving you orders makes more sense

the Institute are good villains. they remind me a lot of Caesar's Legion (though significantly less interesting and well written), mysterious and frightening until you reach their home base and learn more about them. they're also pretty evil, but you can at least understand them on some level: they're the greatest minds of the modern world, controlling things from the shadows using kidnapping and violence because they think being scientists makes them better than everyone else. it's not great, but it gives them enough depth to be more than just "the evil faction who is evil because they're evil." giving the player character the personal connection through Shaun was a good idea too, since it adds a layer of complexity to the question of if you should destroy them

the Synth issue in the game is misinterpreted by a lot of people, but that's because the game does an extremely poor job of communicating it. it's not "are synths human," because we interact with them enough to know, with absolute certainty, they are. the question is moreso "if this group fundamentally poses a threat to literally everyone around them, can you justify letting them exist?" this is pretty well outlined by Maxson during the BoS questline and the situation with DiMA in Far Harbor. the choice of accepting synth baby shaun is a decent resolution to this theme: do you accept this child as yours? it ties into how you feel about synths but adds the extra weight of it being your son. it's pretty cool!

the Railroad questline is kind of terrible, but it ends up being pretty fun, and i don't think it's by mistake. the characters and quests and interactions with the other factions are so absurdly goofy that it just becomes a sort of "fuck all the other factions" playthru in the same vein as Wild Card. it's not very good, but i like it for what it is.

the moment to moment writing kind of ties it all together for me. obviously the extremely limited dialogue options are awful, but it wasn't the end of the world for me, although it is definitely the worst thing about the game. but the companions are pretty likable, and the NPC dialogue has enough character to not be boring, and the side quests are mediocre at worst. there's some good writing in them, but for the most part they're extremely basic motivators to go shoot things, and the gameplay is fun.

its by no means perfect. the dialogue option sucks. the Railroad, while very funny, still kinda sucks. Preston Garvey sucks, and he's the main dude for the Minutemen questline. the reason the Synth issue is so often misinterpreted is because the writers are bad at properly explaining it outside of a few specific scenes. these are just a few problems, and most of the problems are actually extremely detrimental, and a story where you have to meet the writers more than halfway at least half the time is a poorly explained story but i still like it. it's overhated, and when you're just playing the game and actually are meeting it halfway, it's fun to take part in

[slocumjoe]

Actually, I'll take a moment to describe what my image of Gage is, as someone who has never played Nuka World and can't (poor), and hasn't dug through all of his in-game lines (time consuming)

My 'fix' of Gage was exclusive nuka-world (I think that was their user) and another tumblr user who posted Gage specific reacts. Nuka-world was the Preston stan who had Tracy, pretty popular artist. You've definitely seens remnants of their work, but they deleted i believe. They portrayed Gage as, like, a weird, lemme teach you crime kind of uncle/older brother who liked lizards and simple mischievous pleasures.

The other tumblr who I do not remember the name of portrayed him as this...very nuanced individual, full of contradictions that he justified to himself? So, that Gage was closer to Canon Gage, from what I can tell, but he was written to very clearly not belong with raiders.

That Gage had good people in his life, growing up, that taught him strict morals; some of which he kept. He held doors open for women, he hated raiders as much as he thought that way of life was the only viable one, he was loyal to those who earned his respect and trust. He wasn't a good guy, but he could have been. If you scraped off the raider shit, underneath that jaded exterior was just a normal guy.

So, my interpretation of Gage is a somewhat weird, off-kilter, but no-bullshit man who didn't want to be doing what he was doing deep down, but was never shown a different way to survive, and even if it meant being the problem, he refused to sit and let himself be a victim. If he had a choice between problem, victim, and solution, he'd have picked solution. But he never saw that choice. And maybe if there was a choice like that, presented to him now, and that choice had some real spine to it, he very well would still choose different.

Now, that's almost certainly OOC. But that was still a character I liked; it reminds me of many people I know IRL. Not people I'd call good, because they've made questionable decisions and have odd views of the world. But they aren't bad either, because they have heart and try to do their best with what they have, which is little. This version of Gage isn't a good person, or a bad one. He's just a person.

More specifically, the way I always described him, mentally, is that he's "a wolf trying to become a sheep so the sheep stop headbutting him."

So, my Gage doesn't care for any raider shit. He's concerned about hygiene, he has tastes for the finer things in life that you can't brute force, he wants to do his own thing and be left alone, and doesn't necessarily want to bother anyone else. My Gage thinks economics are important, understands politics, supply and demand, the benefits of raider life VS the life of peaceful communities working together. He just sees that the raider way comes on top.

The way it would play out in my Sole's story, if she ever went to Nuka World, is she'd fuck with him, and force him to make that choice again.

Isadora would go in, kill Colter, talk to Gage, and realize: Oh. This guy doesn't belong here. This guy doesn't want to be here at all, really. He wants something this life cannot provide and couldn't sustain, because it opposes it on a fundamental level. But my Minutemen and my cities, they could. But he won't come willingly.

So she kills Colter, and tells Gage: I am going to come back with my army, and do whatever I have to do to save the people you are oppressing. I have the ability to do this as a weekend vacation; my men outnumber yours 20 to 1, and they don't share my compassion and understanding for your kind. But I can see that you are not like 'your kind.' I will give you the chance to unite and prepare for a siege, or to leave Nuka World and come back with me, as one of my personal unit.

And Isadora walks while Gage laughs her out of the room. He hates that he's left as Overboss, now, but that's his only worry. Farmers with guns? Pfft.

Then he starts hearing talk of the Minutemen, the first bit being "one of our guys spied on one of their bases and they have a lot of sentry bots."

"...how many?"

"He cant count past ten, since that's all the fingers he has."

Because Isadora is a robots expert. She makes robots. She did this for a living before the bombs. 1 sentry bot? Bad. 2? Fucking bad. Three? Nope, you're dead. 4? 5? 10? More? Overboss Gage is worried about the bots, but they can outsmart them, use mines, maybe get an EMP thing going...the farmers will drop like flies then.

"Farmers? No, we're hearing its a military."

"Pfft, a military."

"They have trucks and shit. Tanks. Vertibirds."

"...w-well, those sure do explode nicely...which they will..."

"They're all wearing combat armor and are armed with guns that make our pipe shit look like kids toys"

"...fine. We'll partner with local raiders and take them out as one unified force"

"They killed all local raiders. There are no raiders over there."

"Fucking what."

"There isn't even merc groups anymore because the Minutemen deal with everything"

"Fuck sake. Okay. Well their economy and whatever has to be shit"

"They have no poor people, no rich, no one goes hungry, everyone is clothed, and has access to Healthcare and education. They're having a lot of kids and people get old there. Some people are writing books and music and stuff. Making art again."

It takes maybe a few people reporting back with info before Gage realizes who has plot armor and who doesn't. And Gage, as much as he hates everything that is happening, wants to be an essential NPC. He gets the gangs together, tells them they're fucked if they don't do this right, and they kinda just blow raspberries at him.

Gage is at the Castle doorstep cussing out Isadora's name within a week, and he's the newest adopted adult within a few days.

He fucking hates Isadora and she just kinda treats him like an aggressive purse dog. "Oh, don't mind Gage, he doesn't bite!" (GAGE SNARLING AND FOAMING AT THE MOUTH IN THE BACKGROUND)

"Isa. Is that a fucking raider"

"yeah I found him on the front door I think someone left him :( and it's so cold lately and he looked hungry" (GAGE PISSING ON A MINUTEMAN FLAG AND MAKING BARF NOISES)

"isadora that is a grown man who is a fucking raider"

[stormyoceans]

okay I woke up and chose violence today SO

TOP THREE VV EPS. IN ORDER. AND WHY.

...*squints for a long time*

FINE, TOP FIVE. BUT!!! THE OS2 EPS ARE INCLUDED.

[[mine would be:

5. ep 4 (the first serious kiss, the formation of friend credits, the communication of boundaries)

4. ep 10 (the emotional goodbyes! the nomnomnom! fuse's doggo! the pink!)

3. os2 ep 1 (the 30 day challenge! the cute soft domesticity of it all! the surprise bebé!)

2. ep 8 (the greyllery confession and kiss! the single tear! the cats!)

1. ep 11 (the angst! the yearning! one of the best reunion hugs to ever! the way I cry every damn time!)

...now you!]]

ANON I HOPE YOU KNOW I THREW UP ALL THE BLOOD IN MY BODY WHILE TRYING TO ANSWER THIS AND THAT A MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS INTERVENTION TEAM HAD TO KEEP ME SEDATED THE ENTIRE TIME BUT ANYWAY HERE’S WHAT I GOT

1. episode 11: real red. CHANGED ME MY LIFE MY OUTLOOK THE FOUNDATION OF MY PERSONHOOD THE CHEMICAL MAKE UP OF MY BRAIN AND MY ENTIRE BEING ON A MOLECULAR LEVEL. it also fundamentally changes the entire narrative of the show starting from episode 4 and it forces you to go back to rewatch everything that happened and look at it with a whole new understanding of the characters, especially puen. the first part of this episode alone is such a masterpiece in both writing and acting and should be shown in every single filmmaking class around the world as an example of incredible storytelling techniques. not to mention how the reunion in the glasshouse is the epitome of parallelism romanticism soulmatism the me before and after this scene are two completely different people.

2. episode 04: deep magenta. I CAN'T BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS EPISODE IM SORRY I SIMPLY CAN'T. every single scene just makes me mentally deranged in ways so profound they will only become apparent years down the line like shy!puen!!!!! the glasshouse!!!!! "so, will they fall in love?" "i guess they will"!!!!! puen comforting talay!!!!! THE WEDDING!!!!! the way they look at each other at that wedding!!!!! THE KISS!!!!! I KNOW I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BUT I LOVE THIS KISS SO MUCH!!!!!!! truly the way this was one of my least favorite episodes while the show was airing and now it's at the top of my list and i could literally spend the rest of my life writing essays about it is, quite frankly, fucking insane.

(LOOK AT ALL THE VERTICAL LINES SEPARATING THEM THROUGHOUT THE EPISODE UNTIL PUEN CLOSES THAT DISTANCE AND THE DOOR OF THE GREENHOUSE IS LEFT OPEN IN THE BACKGROUND TO SHOW THEIR HEARTS OPENING TO EACH OTHER THIS EPISODE MAKES ME WANT TO SEEK PSYCHIATRIC HELP)

3. episode 09: midnight black. no other episode makes me experience every single emotion present on the spectrum of human consciousness every time i rewatch it quite like this one does. the fight!!!!! talay being triggered by the water!!!!! the beach reconciliation!!!!! doctor jimmy displaying unprecedented unparalleled unmatched levels of derangement and improvisation by taking method acting to a whole new level and reinventing tenderness reverence adoration wonder LOVE with the look of his eyes alone!!!!!! THE BUCKET HAT REVEAL BEING THE MOST SCENE IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION!!!!!! no one has ever been this in love this connected this linked AND I FEEL SICK ABOUT IT

4. episode 03: soft blush. another episode i just cannot be normal about like drunk!puen!!!!! talay trying to cheer puen up and giving him advice on how to fix things with up and aou!!!!! the date-not-date!!!!! the pinky promise and the helmets at the end!!!!! NIVEA BATHTUB SCENE MY BELOVED!!!!!!! there are people who don’t need to be forcibly escorted into a padded room every time they hear puen say “if this can be used to wipe away dust, i should use it with your heart. i think your heart hasn’t been used in a long time” AND GOD I WISH THAT COULD BE ME. my own personal equivalent of the famous pride and prejudice hand flex scene: a moment so delicious i instantly knew i was fucked.

[PLEASE ENJOY THIS BRIEF INTERMISSION AS I GO THROUGH YET ANOTHER EXISTENTIAL CRISIS BECAUSE EXPECTING ME TO CHOOSE BETWEEN EPISODE 6, 8, 10, 12 AND OUR SKYY 1 SHOULD BE ILLEGAL]

5. episode 12: crystal clear. okay i had to go to this one in the end because there's just something so deeply satisfying about this episode, about puen and talay finally getting to be puen and talay after such an insane journey. there's also just SO MUCH LOVE in it: the quiet domesticity at the beginning, the joy and playfulness every time they're together, the sacrifices they're willing to make for each other, the comfort the understanding the tenderness the contentment, "where there's you, there's happiness", "without work i can survive, without him i can't", "i don't want time to go by without you from now on"..... THEY PAINT EACH OTHER'S LIFE PINK FOREVER!!!!!!!! also i don't care what anyone says the lay's marriage proposal was PERFECT.

(NOW EXCUSE ME AS I GO DIE IN MY BACKYARD OR GET DRAGGED INTO A PADDED ROOM WHICHEVER HAPPENS FIRST)

[bookwyrminspiration]

i do wonder sometimes! i think having so many desi friends here also reminds me of it too because like. idk it feels similar, some people grew up in the mother country, and then sometimes people talk about how they grew up in places where there is an abundance of street food, which is something my dad talked about getting when he was a kid... but like. i can't really fathom what cambodia would be like now without the khmer rouge. like. there's so much history we wouldn't have lost? so much music and so many movies and like all of this art and history and all these statues that were destroyed? it kind of just makes me feel angry when i think about it now lmao because as much as i wish i could be wistful and imagine what it might have been like. i don't even KNOW. and we can't know because of how many records and films and documents were burned to ash by the cpk. that shit was stolen from us and it wasn't from europe or the wider civilized west, but our own people who decided that they were better than everyone else, and now we are a third world country that is basically just a tourist attraction 👍👍👍 it kind of sucks a lot haha. there's a lot my parents lost too since they were really young when they left, so it's just like, even if they met they wouldn't be the same, so i don't know if i would actually be able to go up against the beauty standards and stuff the way i do now. and also i don't even know if i would have met you guys which would be a whole different kind of sucky tbh!!!! net loss!!! even as much as i wish i knew all those languages from a young age i don't know if it would be a good trade. even if i got to grow up with chickens :/

No yeah that makes a lot of sense! It's like...you want certain aspects of both, the now and the what could have been, but some of the way things and who you are now as a person are are only possible because you lost the what could have been. And trying to reconcile the two and imagine what you lost is still present is near impossible, because they fundamentally cannot exist together. But you still want them to? If all that makes sense

And being around people does remind you of it, because you each have different experiences, different pieces of the overall community/identity, and you can see pieces you wish you had but if you did have them. You wouldn't be you. Yeah I wish I grew up with more mexican foods at home and was taught them instead of learning on my own, but that wouldn't be me, because the me I am has learned the language from scratch on my own and found resources and recipes on my own and etc. so like...to want those pieces and the different options is like wanting to be a different person, and do I want to be a different person? very complicated feelings

Then at the end of the day it's like should I even bother thinking about it when there's literally nothing to be done about it, history and my connection to everything is already in place. I can't change what languages and food I grew up with, where I was born and raised, etc.

Because it's a very emotional topic! There's anger, like you mention, but also so much grief and loss...it's quiet overwhelming. And of course the specific histories for each of us is very different, so I in no way mean to speak for or over your own experiences. This is just what you reminded me of based on what you said and my own reflections. I try not to think about it too often because when I do...oh boy is that a nasty hurt on so many levels

[annyankers]

also hot take (?): but vampires DO have souls. the creation of a vampire in btvs lore is literally that a demonic essence/spirit/spiritual energy (in this instance a vampiric one and not some other kind of demon) enters a human corpse and parasitically latches on, altering the human corpse to better suit it with an initial burst of spooky evil demon magic (which is part of why i never think any lore that says vampire can't do magic makes sense like, how do you think they even function fam?). it then uses the info and identity of the former inhabitant that's all still locked up in those dead synapses to help it acclimate to the new dimension and build a sense of identity. you can argue that the vampire is not your dead friend but what is a person if not their memories and thoughts? all of which the vampire now shares too. so that's a fun little thing to puzzle on in philosophy class.

vampires in the buffy world are pretty explicitly a manufactured creature built of a demonic essence/entity grafted into a human cadaver which merge to make a new species which is why they're so low on the demon hierarchy. they're the most mongrel-y of all the half-breeds. what is the soul if not a spiritual essence that fuels and motivates the body? the metaphysical component that makes the system complete? what is the vampire of not a perversion of the human condition? does it not then stand that the vampire soul is the twisted mirror of the human one?

the thing is that while this is Kinda Common Sense when you sit down and just look at objectively how the vampire is made it's a dangerous concept in universe and we fall pray to believe the same propaganda built to ensnare our characters.

the slayer was made in almost the exact same process as a vampire only with a living subject-- a demonic essence grafted into a human host. there is no magic leash on a slayer, there are no words that can be chanted to bring her to heel, the watchers have to use standard psychological manipulation to control her. a slayer who realizes that she has more in common with vampires on a fundamental level than she does humans (tho not on a moral or motivation level obvs) is very dangerous to their control and to the concept of "slayer as sheepdog" as a whole. conditioning them to see vampires as animals and not sentient humanoid beings with thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams, who have souls that while demonic are no less valid in their existence then any human one is integral to keeping the machine working and keeping your young emotionally/mentally vulnerable weapon from having a nervous breakdown because she just you know, massacred a whole bunch of people. fangy people, but people none the less.

btvs and the watcher council mentality the main btvs cast is tainted by is incredibly human centric, watch even a little of ats and it becomes glaringly obvious. ats is extremely flawed but one of it's strongest points was letting us see the expanded world of demons and non-human culture. the issue is then that buffy and co come off as rabid human-centrists because of how they talk about vampires and demons as a whole. there's a reason tara didn't want them to know she was half demon when she thought that line was true. the scoobies spout anti-demon rhetoric like it's their jobs. the way they treat anya is horrendous and it's because she has the Taint of demon and neurodivergence coding (which is a whole different kettle so).

the continued talk about spike like he's a subhuman while he's either at their mercy or on their side is galling. you cannot be called the good guys and then treat other sentient creatures like animals and vermin to be killed or mocked for your amusement. full stop. you cannot claim a moral high ground and behave like this which is what the scoobies consistently claim. they believe they are in the moral right and have the moral high ground consistently. when in reality they are pretty fucked up and have done repugnant immoral shit multiple times (hello all the various scoobie caused invasions of personal autonomy!). you can be a protagonist and have uh... Dodgey Morals™ (ex. the punisher) but when you claim you are better because you have better morals but also refuse to see the other side as even worthy of being seen as a truly living creature with like feelings and shit now i'm treating you with contempt.

there are people who will say that buffy was the sole victim of the toxicity that is s6 spuffy but if you believe that you also are tacitly agreeing that her belief that spike is an "it", an animal with no bodily autonomy to respect or feelings to hurt or be manipulated is true. and why? because he's a vampire? he has a soul, a demonic soul. he literally would not exist if a metaphysical entity/force hadn't entered william pratt's fucking corpse and make it theirs. this is an inherently repugnant act and even if we all sit down and agree she did nothing else to contribute to this toxicity she still looked another sentient being who she knew had some kind of feelings for her, used his want and his desperation to abuse herself with and spent the entire time considering him as something between cattle and a lamp. i'm sorry but that's wildly fucked up at it's core and if you can't see that i worry for you.

what if she was dating a nice half-bracken guy and she did all that shit to him? if he tried to stop her from turning herself in for a crime she didn't commit and then beat him bloody and called him an it, a thing, not a person, not real? are you still okay with that because he's a demon? are humans the only species in your eyes with the right to personhood in this universe? do you, like buffy and co, prefer to take the words of a group known to manipulate everything and who treat girls like buffy as things themselves over the evidence you see before your eyes on screen and the actions and words of the demons themselves? buffy's actions towards spike from s4 to s6 are repugnant because they're no longer enemies and she's no longer the council's attack dog but she still refuses to give him the basic decency of personhood.

and you can get into all kinds about shit about how vampires are evil and he's done terrible things and i will not respect you for using any of that to try and say it's okay to treat someone who you relay on or are in any kind of relationship with like they're a thing. otherization and depersonification are tools used to make it "okay" to commit atrocities. for every spike who you say it's "okay" to treat like an animal, there's a harmony who isn't really all that bad and happily switches to bagged blood and integrates pretty peacefully into human society when given the chance. and she will get put right next to spike as an animal to be killed because she doesn't matter. using his past actions to deny him the right of personhood is a lazy tactic to divert the discussion and absolve buffy and co of moral failings.

the nazis are also evil, but i will not deny they are people. doesn't mean i wouldn't take the shot if i had one if i was put in that position. it just means i acknowledge i ended a life that probably meant something to someone. and that's my issue with buffy and co. that's my issue with "vampires are soulless" and buffy's treatment of spike in s6 and how people talk about it. regardless of literally anything else either of them did, denying another sentient being the right to be acknowledged as one while still demanding things from them is inherently a core repugnant act. she is willing to use his feelings and body for her advantage but also refuses to respect them as real and just as valid as hers. again, how would you feel if she treated lorne like this? if she demanded things of him but didn't respect his basic right to be seen as a valid sentient being just like her?

in btvs vampires have souls, demons have souls, and they all deserve the basic decency to have that acknowledged. even by the slayer. especially by the slayer frankly since she is also in her own way One Of Them and if she's going to hunt them down and kill them she can at least acknowledge that she ended a life and didn't just flip an off switch. if you can't get with this whole concept of the validity of non-human life in a universe where the MCs humanity is frequently questioned and the Other and Otherism is frequently a theme then i really am not interested in talking to you.

[achillianacedemia]

Neil Abraham Josten‘s Birth Chart Analysis

Neil is a never endingly entertaining character, to read about and analysis. As a self proclaimed astrologer I've taken up the task of reading some of Neil's birth charts to better understand our beautiful Junkie. This might seem like a waste of time to most people, including myself, but I have no life and I need divination intuition practice. 

*Note: the information we were given about Neil’s birthday is he was born January 19, 1988 in either Alexandria, Virginia or Baltimore, Maryland. We do not know his time of birth so I can’t tell you his rising (If I had to guess: Aries?) or houses. I just go over his big 6 in this post. Nora if you see this… what time was Neil born?  

Sun: Capricorn

Your sun sign is considered your core self, that’s why everyone knows their sun sign (and because it’s the easiest to calculate). Fundamentally Capricorn suns are defined by their need for structure. They are people who are very skilled and ambitious and focused on this material plain. For Neil this manifests as his fixation on Exy. When Capricorns want to be good at something they will stop at nothing to achieve this goal to the point of self destruction. Capricorn is ruled by Saturn, planet of fortune, which basically means Capricorns are almost destined to go through some sort of great misfortune, normally involving money in some way. Neil's money problems are deadlier than most but it's classic with this sign. Similar to how your Moon sign represents your relationship with your mother, your sun represents your father. Fun fact about the deity Saturn or Kronos: He ate his children. Need I say more? Capricorn and daddy issues are basically synonyms. Capricorn's aren't necessarily social, mostly because their trauma leads them to avoiding people to protect themselves. They put their goals ahead of all else, including love and connection. Neil rather talks about Exy then sexuality. Some say this make’s capricorns boring but these people clearly have never met a capricorn. Capricorns might be rough around the edges, but in my experience they are great friends, even if they don’t realize it. 

Moon: Aquarius

OH THE MOMMY ISSUES!!! So your moon represents your emotional self and your relationship with your mother... and Aquarius is ruled by Uranus or Ouranos in Greek myth. You thought Saturn/Kronos eating his kids was bad? URANUS SHOVED HIS CHILDREN BACK INTO HIS WIFES WOMB!!! I see this play out in how mother was highly disattached from him, leading him to respond to emotional situations in a disattached and uninteresting way. This is shown in how he grieves for Seth. Contrary to popular belief, Aquarius is an air sign, meaning they have the characteristic Air sign aversion to feeling feelings. They prefer to logic their way through situations and to use their coping mechanism to deal. Yes they have emotions but they don’t like to share them (‘iM FiNe”). In contrast with Neil's Capricorn sun Aquarius moon needs to be able to communicate. Not about feelings but about what they do like talking about what they enjoy. This leads to a personality that craves human connection but doesn't know how to ask for it. Aquarius moon people also don't really give a shit about labels. It's all semantics for them. Now here is my unpopular opinion: Aquarius placements are sarcastic and temperamental. I know I said they don’t really like to share their emotions, but I feel Anger in aquarius is a natural consequence of not sharing their emotions. TL;DR Aqaurius placements we know you use sarcasm to mask your feelings. Talk about it. 

Mercury: Aquarius

So your Mercury is how you communicate with the world and your logical mind. again Aquarius is a logical air sign. These people are natural intelligence. Yes this does explain why Neil is good at math. He doesn't necessarily have to study to understand things as much as he can just get things from intuition. This explains his playstyle being largely intuitive and hard to explain how he knows things. Mercury in Aquarius people are active protagonists in their lives and do things to change the things in their lives (see him bringing together the team) as the humanitarians of the zodiac it comes naturally. Also going back to his capricorn sun mixed with his Aquarius in mercury means he physically cannot not talk about Exy and opening up about feeling’s is actually painful. 

Venus: Pisces

BOTTOM!!! No but seriously, Your Venus is how you relate to people, the things you value, and your romantic endeavors. Pisces is something else really. Pisces is the last sign of the zodiac giving them a spiritual, almost not their quality.  They don't like large groups typically prefer smaller social gatherings. When a Venus in Pisces love you they don't have boundary (you literally can't make this shit up it's literally the astrological embodiment of "It's always yes with you") they love you wholeheartedly and when it's just the two of you it's just two souls alone in an endless universe. If this sounds like an Andriel kiss scene then good because that's the vibe Pisces energy just gives off when they're MAKING YOUR DAMN HEART MELT WHAT THE HELL!!! So like most water signs THE SAVIOR COMPLEX IS REAL WITH THIS ONE!!! Neil values sacrifice and he rather be hurt then let someone else get hurt (*cough* running away to Evermore for Andrew *cough*). Pieces  will see you as your best self and likes to imagine you as your best self (Kevin and Neil both want Andrew to achieve his full potential in Exy). Venus really likes it in Pisces so pisces people are wholehearted in how they love. Basically they will love you with their entire soul and it will feel like a real life pipe dream. The only thing that can shatter this is when the other person tries to sabotage themself and their highest potential. Pisces wants the best for everyone and it hurts them to see other people not reach their fullest self. This is why that scene in TKM where Neil felt really hurt after Andrew didn't want to celebrate after winning the game and belittled Exy ment to much. More mushy gushy stuff, they believe in true love. They don't need to talk in order to feel that love. They rather just feel your souls connect on a higher level.

Mars: Sagittarius

So your Mars is akin to your Id. It's base animalistic desires. The things that make you tick. Sagittarius being the mutable fire sign is more mellow than your leos or aries. Sagittarius likes experiences. They tend to travel a lot and enjoy travel and experiencing new things. This sign is known for having commitment issues (being ruled by Jupiter) and likes to run from shit. This placement hates people who don't practice what they preach and hates to feel like they're being talked down to. They really want to try new things with you, be it traveling to new places or trying stuff out in the bedroom. Speaking of which… I mean they will try anything once. Definitely adrenaline junkies. The sign most likely to be down for a threesome. Also associated with the hips and thighs so definitely an ass man 

Damn that's really where i'm ending it. Here's his chart if you're curious...K bye

[jentlemahae]

Justin Bieber is a really sad case, because the entertainment industry traumatised him during childhood, which led to abusive behaviour and addictions, but one cannot just excuse his actions because of his upbringing. And yet, I'm always wondering: if the circumstances were different, if he had a normal childhood, would he be a good person now? How much of who he is can be blamed on his own person? How much can be blamed on the industry? Is it too late for him to change? Will he? Can he? Of course, it's his duty to become a better person, but even if he does (which he might not), can he ever make up for the damage he's done? Child stars are, in a way, different than us on a fundamental level. The base of their personality, of their identity, the foundation of who they are is damaged. Can it ever be repaired? How much better would the world be without the cycle of abuse? More and more, every day, I wish children would be better protected in the industry. Or better yet, I wish they wouldn't be allowed into the industry. Because I look at this disgusting, repulsive asshole and can't stop thinking about the child that deserved better. And the people who deserved better than to have relationships with who he is today.

i definitely agree with you, that a lot of external factors in his upbringing contributed making him how he is today. but i still think that when bad things happen to you, you can choose how to place them in your life. he chose to let unfortunate experiences shape him (whether it was a conscious or an unconscious decision) and chose to not better himself once he grew up. i mean we can surely spend time pondering on whether he would be a better person if xyz didnt happen, but the thing is that he did grow up. only his mind doesnt seem to have :/

[intersex-ionality]

Yo, regarding the "I can't help it because I'm sick" thing - I'm unsure how familiar you are with TA, but iirc that's one of the 'games' outlined in it, namingly wooden leg. Wooden leg is so called because it's based off the phrase "what do you expect from a person with a wooden leg?". The game itself is most commonly used to avoid responsibility and such, from what I understand. I don't know much about the community, but from what you've said it sounds like that game?

So before I begin this post, I want to acknowledge that yes, transactional analysis has historically had Freudian roots. However, today’s transactional analysts are primarily informed by cognitive behavioural analysis. At this point most (but not all!) TA is basically a type of cognitive therapy/study that helps you to recognize two major things: other people have just as complex and complete a set of internal mental processes as you do (theory of mind), and that all people--yourself AND others--have inherent worth and value (I’m okay, you’re okay).

The wooden leg game is a type of cognitive distortion that is first described in older forms of TA, and while it is sometimes described in condescending ways, I think the general concept has value.

The archetypal example of a wooden leg game is someone with an anxiety-related stutter, who cannot find employment. He blames his stutter, and technically this is correct, because he only applies for public speaking jobs which are incompatible with the symptoms of his anxiety. An easy fix to the problem would be to apply for work that does not set off his anxieties or require him to speak to large groups of people with low fidelity audio equipment in a clear, concise manner that is incompatible with his stuttering. But, by blaming his stutter itself and refusing to take any further action, the man becomes trapped in a sort of cognitive loop wherein he either thinks of himself as increasingly worthless or the world around him as increasingly hostile and broken.

That’s the simplest example, and the one that most closely parallels the obscenely large number of people on microblogging and highly public social media platforms who excuse their own misbehaviour as “symptomatic,” saying things like, “your paragraphs are ableist because I have ADHD” or “I have to insult anyone who disagrees with me because I’m cluster-B,” things like that.

But there are other equally obnoxious examples that people use to excuse themselves from making any attempt at growth or at basic courtesy to others, such as, “no one can be expected to perform unpaid emotional labour on top of the other unpaid labours expect of us by our employers, therefore I have no obligation to be kind to others, therefore being extremely mean to others is justified,” or, “under a patriarchal society, women are always hated for existing as women, therefore any criticism I receive is not because I’m being a right bastard, but because I am a woman.”

It’s basically a way to shuck any personal blame for one’s circumstances. A blame-shifting cognitive distortion. Now, of course, everyone has some level of blame-shifting behaviour. But for some people, this becomes an immense distortion in the way they perceive themselves and others around them.

And since there are a ton of circumstances one can end up in that legitimately aren’t one’s own fault (eg: becoming poor as a result of layoffs at work, being bown non-white in a white supremacist culture), it is very easy for people who have these distortions in extreme, to functionally justify anything they want.

When presented with someone who has the exact same “excuse” as them, but does not take it, this cognitive distortion often motivates people to further justify their inaction by saying that those others are unique and extremely fortunate examples who have other benefits that make taking action easier, are actually just really mild cases who shouldn’t be compared, or are faking.

Of course, one must take extreme care when dealing with this distortion, because the fact of the matter is, although it’s not objective fact, the person in question legitimately believes that they cannot change their circumstances for the better, and that instead the world must change first. As such, interventions that aren’t careful and gentle enough as guidance will be seen as attacks on the person’s sense of reality. Obviously, that makes things worse, giving them new anxieties and reinforcing destructive beliefs.

Furthermore, for some people, it’s not a distortion. They legitimately cannot change their circumstances, because the trouble really is coming from an outside source. In those cases, the therapist’s duty is instead to help a person realize their fundamental self worth, and help them learn not to lash out at others who also are not responsible for the pain unfairly.

So yeah, in as much as this distortion can be said to exist, I would agree that it applies readily to this situation.

[nicoforlifetrue]

Summery:Dee Roman and Remus practicing a dead religion has some hiccups when it comes to history

Notices:

none of these are in any real timeline yet!

Yes the other sides are here

More then one person wrote this

There is a prologue! Read it here

The History Class Incident-

History was taught by Professor Thomas Sanders, he was a bright, cheery guy who never called Remus out for the 'juice' in his water bottle. He was a great guy by the standards of the three. That is, until the mythology course started. 

You see; Roman, Remus, and Dee hadn't yet told their roommates why they burned their food or why Remus was always inebriated or high. They hadn't said why Roman was so focused on appearance or why Dee's knee jerk reaction was to lie. Because all that was normal to them. It was how the three followed their respective patrons. But after the first day of mythology, the boys dragged their roommates out to meet the people they grew up with and rage over the inaccuracies of the course; expecting said roommates to rage with them. 

Dee had talked Virgil into going the entire way to the little coffee shop a friend of theirs worked at. The college student was seething the whole way there; you see the first unit in the course was Norse mythology and dear Professor Sanders had called Loki, his patron, the main villain of all things! Now Virgil, the good but anxiety ridden person he was, finally asked Dee what was wrong about halfway to the coffee shop. "Dude, what's your deal? Why are you so pissed?"

Dee sighed at that, rubbing his face before he stated, "You sat next to me in history; I know you heard what the professor said. He insulted the gods themselves and insinuated that Loki was a villain! That's why I'm pissed; he's a disrespectful cunt!"

Virgil laughed. "Dude, chill; he's just talking about an old religion. Like, sure, Loki is a cool superhero, but he's still pretty crazy in the myths."

Dee leveled his gaze at Virgil upon hearing that; disbelief written across his features. "Are you fucking with me? Please say you are; ‘cause if you aren't, I might have to kill you."

Virgil raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Oh really? Why are you taking it so seriously?"

"How are you not?" Dee snapped back before he sighed, trying to calm down. "I'm sorry I just- good gods and goddesses he called Loki a character, flattened his story's into two dimensional cluster fucks, left out all of the good Loki did; and all around disrespected him; thus disrespecting me and all other wards of Loki! I have no idea who your patron is but imagine if that happened to them. It physically sickens me just remembering that 'lesson', ugh."

"Wait wait wait," Virgil said, putting two and two together. "You take mythology seriously? Like it's actually your religion?"

Dee gave him a look. "Stop calling it a mythology and what; you don't? I always thought you followed Hades or Nyx," he hummed. "I grew up learning about the gods and goddesses, yes."

"Oh that's cool, I didn't know anyone still believed in that religion. I've no clue who my patron would be though," he said, laughing a bit.

"You don't?" Dee questioned before pausing and humming. "That actually explains some things…. But he's still a fucking cunt."

Roman, on the other hand, felt more betrayed; though not quite nearly as much as when he had watched Hercules. He knew what Loki meant to Dee, and to hear such a grossly incorrect retelling of the gods stories? It was devastating. And to hear not just that, but Loki being reduced to his greatest mistake and flattened into an evil villain? He was brokenhearted at the fact that his favorite teacher could be so ignorant and brash, to the point of calling Loki a character! Now Logan, despite his ineptitude with emotions could tell the class had upset Roman. So as at least a good acquaintance of the man he felt obligated to ask what was wrong.

"Roman? Why were you feeling upset in class?"

"How could I not be?!" he responded, throwing his hands up. "The professor grossly distorted one of Loki's stories and refused to tell any others! Instead he just honed in on his greatest mistake and made Loki seem like a Disney villain!” 

“I still don't see why you are getting angry over a retelling of a simple character's story."

Roman’s gaze flattened at that. 

Staring at his roommate angrily, "Logan. You did not just call Loki, the trickster God of Asgard, a character from some fictional work. If you did, may the gods and goddesses help you when Dee finds out."

"Gods and Goddesses are not real, they are simply imaginary characters people created to explain the causes of natural phenomena, they are useless now that we can define the world with science."

Roman stared at him dumbfounded. "Logan, my friend, blessed by Athena, unless you wish to end up being mauled by my brother; I suggest you change that perspective before he runs out of wine. And perhaps pay more respect to those higher than us mere mortals." 

Logan sighs. "You will not understand that one cannot praise something that is just a fictional character, so I will end this pointless conversation."

Roman rolled his eyes at that. "You’re going to be punished for ignoring the gods, you know."

And the last pair was Remus and Patton. Patton wasn't a fan of Remus, the only reason he was coming along was so the drunk didn't hurt himself.

 

"I just can't believe the guy!" 

"What?" 

"What do you mean, ‘what?’ He shit-talked the gods!" Remus huffed, well more like pouted. That statement basically ended the conversation.

The door to the cafe slammed open, an angry Dee storming in and over to their table. The other four were already there as Virgil trailed behind him. He slammed his palms against the table staring down at the wood, eyes full of fire.

"Fuck Professor Sanders."

Roman and Remus made noises of agreement as Dee sat down. "Who does he think he is! I mean, he's so clearly biased against trickster gods. Holy fucking Underworld!"

Roman nodded in agreement aggressively, and Remus kinda hummed as he took another sip of his drink. 

"I do not understand why you three are getting so riled up about what Professor Sanders said, he was merely telling the story of a mythological character." Logan said, monotone.

All three looked at him askance. "Because he retold it incorrectly, and refused to share any stories that would make my patron seem like he wasn't a complete shithead," Dee snapped; Roman frowning and Remus giggling drunkenly.

 

"Your 'patron' is a complete shithead, as you say, he wasn't a good person at all."

Dee stared at him at that "I'm sorry, did I hear you correctly? Did you, one, put air quotes around the word patron and then secondly, follow it up by calling my patron a villain?" His voice was cold and dead serious, angry to the point of pulling a Remus and ripping the next person who insulted Loki to shreds.

"Yes, I was speaking clearly, so unless you are deaf; you heard me correctly. Secondly, I did not call him a villian; you called him that."

Dee took a breath, then sighed. "Logan, you dumb fuck. How has Athena blessed you?" he stated, mostly to himself. "Ok, here. Think of it this way. Let's say someone explains something as simple as the water cycle in a grossly incorrect manner. Wouldn’t you be pissed?" 

"I would fix their falsehood and move on. Yes I would be mad, but I would be right and they would be wrong."

"Now think of it like that, but it’s fucking stuck with me because I was also personally insulted with this falsehood. It would be like someone explaining how colors work to you as if you’re five; but they do it so very incorrectly. That's why I'm pissed off, get it?"

"Yes, I'm now partly understanding, but how were you insulted by this 'falsehood'?"

"’Cause it's also a fundamental part of who I am," Dee responded blandly. "Loki being my patron shaped who I am today; and what I present and act like, being Loki's ward, has made me who I am. And to insult him? It's a personal attack on who I am as a person, as well as an attack on someone who I hold higher than myself." 

Logan places his hands on the table. "So let me get this straight, you hold Loki in the same esteem that, say, a Christian would hold God?"

"Kinda; unlike Christianity though my patron, though unlikely, might change. I don't know how but it can happen. But basically, yeah." 

Logan nods. "And Roman and Remus are the same?" 

"Different patrons, but yeah." Roman chimed in, Dee nodding.

"Big ego, loves his own appearance; Roman is your patron Aphrodite?" Logan asks.

"Got it in one, Teach!" 

"Teach?" Logan says confusedly. 

"You act like a teacher. So, Teach." Roman responded with a smirk; Dee chuckling, Remus watching him with his loopy tipsy-but-not-quite-drunk grin. 

"Thank you for explaining, Princey." Logan says holding back a smile

"Ooo! I like that one," Roman hummed; Remus's face scrunched up before he grinned.

"Can I be Dukey then?" Logan ignores that. 

Virgil, who had previously been quiet, snickered. "Sure, why not?"

Dee sighed, relaxing.

"Now I'm worried about what he'll do to the rest of our patrons, especially Aphrodite." Roman shook his head. "I might just file a complaint, at this rate."

"I mean, Aphrodite was a little bipolar in the stories. And no, Roman, I'm not insulting her." Logan said, trying to stop Roman from getting mad.

"Good," Roman huffed; Remus giggling again.

"Yeah, but with what the professor did to Loki; he'll turn her from bipolar to outright batshit crazy."

"Yeah; that's my job!" Remus cheered. 

"Wait, drunkenness, insanity…is your patron Dionysus?" Logan said.

"Bingo!" Remus responded.

"You could just offer to teach things the right way around, since you have first hand experience with the stories," Virgil offered calmly.

"They could; but wouldn't that be taken as slander to Professor Sanders’ teaching?" Logan said, pulling a Rubix cube out of his pocket.

"Yeah, most likely not worth the risk," Dee hummed with a sigh. "We'll just have to grit our teeth, and hope he doesn't damn us all by insulting the gods and goddesses too badly..."

"Yeah, oh! Why do you have the snake tattoo, Dee?"

Dee raised an eyebrow. "I like snakes, and they’re a sign of my patron; tattoos are also a sign of rebellion against higher ups, especially on the face and areas of high visibility, so..." he gestured at his tattoo. "I got one."

"We should get back to school."

"But we have the rest of the day off! Don't tell me you need to study that badly," Roman whined; Dee nodding.

"Nothing to stress over…"

"You can never be too behind on your work. Also, seeing how we have to do something about Loki, I would suggest you get it over and done with."

Dee groaned at that. "I'm going to put in the truth, not whatever nonsense the professor was spouting." 

That promptly started a 'discussion' on work ethics.

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