#i cannot keep doing this 💀

[buggbuzz]

alexithymia is crazy bro. gaslighted my autistic ass into thinking i didnt have to worry abt that shit cause im pretty emotionally intelligent but recently ive been thinking and like. yeah lol i dont get excited over things that are objectively exciting and i dont get upset when something should piss me off, but maybe hours later on i'll get amped up or upset about it. i dont get very emotionally invested in things either. i literally only experience my vague background mood, super strong emotions, and feelings that are congruent with what im thinking. like, my thoughts are angry about something, so i can feel angry about it. but if there's a cognitive dissonance between my thoughts and my emotions, i won't really experience the emotions.

but like the emotions are still there, so wells of resentment can still build up until i explode out of nowhere, or i won't realize i'm romantically attracted to someone but i'll still act very gay without realizing it until later lol (which makes figuring our whether you want to date someone VERY HARD btw😭)

anytime people are excited to see my reaction to something i groan internally because i know im not gonna have a strong emotional reaction to it so i'll have to play it up for their sake cause i know how fun it is to show friends things.

i also realized yesterday that maybe this is the reason i get so easily overwhelmed and stressed by literally so much, even if its not that big of a deal or actually a good thing, cause i don't feel those positive emotions or excitement, but i do very clearly feel the stress about new things to deal with. and so there's no excitement/sadness/anger to counterbalance the stress of "New Things and Uncomfortable Situations" which means i have no motivation to follow through and a lot of motivation to avoid it.

like, if someone was like, "dude your favorite thing is happening in this place!!!" there's a very muffled oh wow that sounds so fun and exciting i would love to see that that i cant even feel at the moment and a very LOUD but then i have to go outside and have everyone staring at me and i have to disrupt my schedule and go to this new place with new things and so i end up with this net result of "that sounds like hell" because the excitement doesn't show up to make it feel like it's worth it

ive also just never been the type to care about holidays or outings which does not help💀

anyways not sure to do with this but i feel like understanding this was the next step to getting more control over my life so 💪💪💪 we will figure it out!

[catgirlxox]

me, finishing up my longest defence essay: ok slay now to plan out my upload schedule and edit this over the next few weeks

some stupid guy on yt: oh btw out of the 7 deadly sins Ben is lust because he's a manwhore lol

[cosmicourple]

Hey wouldn’t it be funny / depressing if Zeus acted like Atreus when he was younger albeit more feral?-

[thepunkmuppet]

michael romance you ackshully cannot keep getting away with this “BACK TO IT”??? “BACK TO IT”??? HHHH AUUUGHHH OWHH W HUH??????

[lorelune]

me realizing how if i don’t gatcha game cosplay i can breathe LOL

[narwhalandchill]

No way they had to actually nerf aventurines story boss fight 😭😭

[masquenoire]

Barring any new asks, I think that's the last of those 'icons only' memes and it was very fun doing them all! Thank you so much for sending them in everyone, I'm feeling more confident about activity again and will hopefully be inspired to write a bit more often from now on providing schedule eases up sometime soon!

[bravevolunteer]

finished 2/3 of my Big Tasks For This Week… one more to go

[bitual]

first week of uni overr

[pizzazz-party]

typing smiley faces into my email responses to my pin rep is essential to expressing sincerity in spite of the language barrier. saying “thank you” a lot alone is not enough

[fraternum-momentum]

i should stop putting shit on my queue if i dont want to die of a fucking heart attack

[itsmistyeyedbi]

Why does it sound like there's something in the wall🧍🏾‍♀️

[cryptidspaghetti]

Mantra for frat parties: I will not drugs again. It does not make me feel good in the morning. I will not drugs again. It does not make me feel good in the morning. I will not drugs again. It does not make me feel good in the morning-

[solplease]

im gonna go away again but came on to complain bc im losing my mind LMFAOO

[chisungie]

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[agayconcept]

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