#i cannot rewatch that series it gives me so much anxiety

[crunchycrystals]

does anyone know which episode of total forgiveness has the footage of grant making his breakfast lol

[wyllathepeach]

Ok, so my anxiety really did not allow me to get this out earlier lol. Anyway:

TS songs as Ducktales Characters, part III: Webby Vanderquack

(I would like to apologize beforehand for the poor redaction you're about to read, neither google translation nor my brain was having it)

If I had to explain Webby's character, I would sum it up with the concept of belonging. Having grown up isolated from the world, only with her granny, Webby needs connection with someone. She needs to belong or connect so much that she becomes obsessed with every detail of the life of the only person she knows, Uncle Scrooge, in the hopes she finds her place in the McDuck family. But, even when she starts to become family, she envies the triplets' relationship for she cannot be part of such intimate bond. She then clings to Lena, the only relationship she formed on her own.

Webby also gives the impression that her desire for an intimate relationship is the reason she supports Dewey despite not agreeing with keeping the investigation about Della hidden: it is something that unites them both in an exclusive way. It would also help her even more to be part of the family: if she gets to be just like Scrooge, then she MUST belong to his family. All for at the end being cruelly reminded that she'll never be family by blood, and, even if she was, family relationships are not unbreakable (speaking exclusively from her point of view at the end of Last Crash). This is why she needs to bring the family together at the end of season 1: she has done so much to form a relationship with the family, but if the family isn't together then she doesn't belong anywhere.

On a separate point, it is this sense of belonging that she has with the family that leads her to give so much importance to her friends and gives them her complete trust. It is friendship that allows her to have a family and therefore makes no difference between family ties and friendships. Hence her blind attachment to Lena.

Season 2, although Webby doesn't have an active role, is consistent with the former idea in Golden Armory: again she needs to prove herself as an equal to the new family member to feel validated. However, after Last Crash she is never again pushed away or questioned as family and her belonging is reinforced again and again, as seen in Found Lamp, where Uncle Scrooge trusts her with an essential part of the adventure, the same goes for Rumble for Ragnarok.

I don't remember much (and I don't have anywhere to rewatch the series at the moment) about her role in season 3 outside the plot twist that I so dislike (and that in my opinion ruins the message of found family and makes her entire development seem pointless), but I do remember that her fear of abandonment is consistent for Fight for Castle McDuck.

Anyway, all this to say that the Taylor Swift song that would be Webby's anthem, in my opinion, would be The Outside.

I've seen other people relate her to Seven or You're on your own, Kid, and although Seven agrees with the idea of longing childhood innocence once it's lost by the maturity that comes with experience (as seen in Harp of Mervana), the lyrics of The Outside expand the idea of loneliness and feeling like you don't belong anywhere, as well as learning to observe people to look for ways to connect. The song was written about going to school and meeting all these new people and realizing that you won't connect with them and will end up isolated, no matter how much you can offer to a friendship. Just as Webby would never be blood related to the Duck/McDuck family, even though she began to relate to them at the same time they reconnected and her fear of the family pushing her aside eventually.

"The Outside"

So how can I ever try to be better? Nobody ever lets me in. And I can still see you, this ain't the best view: on the outside, lookin' in. I've been a lot of lonely places; I've never been on the outside.

Thank you for reading. Next one should be Huey, but who knows what will come out of that (ゝω・)ﾉ

[violivs]

NMTDaily: Q&A (Bea and Hero’s first Q&A video)

- Okay, I took a brief break from my rewatch liveblog, but I’m back. Let’s do this.

- “But first, tea!” Cute little teacup cheers animation and sound effect!

- Wait, also, this is another moment of Bea’s hypocrisy and the things she has in common with Ben being exposed! Miss No One Needs Tea actually IS a tea-drinker! (And Ben is still watching her videos at this point, I wonder if he noticed that…)

- Sigh. Content warning: Harry Potter. I continue to be aggressively furious with JKR. Ten years ago I would have never thought HP would become inextricable from a vitriolic hate group, and it breaks my heart every time I think about it. How trans people are suffering at the hands of that woman, most importantly. But also how she took away my ability to enjoy the series that got me through a bleak early adolescent onset of my anxiety disorders, AND she’s retroactively corrupting my comfort media by association now too. Boo. Hiss. Let’s move on.

- There IS some good character work in this Hogwarts House discussion section though. More foreshadowing of Pedro failing to live up to his brave, heroic image. Meg being a Slytherin. Bea thinking Ben would be a Muggle. It is interesting to think about what could replace this discussion today in terms of media references. I really don’t know.

- Hero being uncomfortable when Bea brings up Claudio and her being matching is interesting. I guess they aren’t officially official yet. And then she gets revenge by bringing up Benedick, lol. Perfect.

- Bea makes fun of her a bit again about the holidaying in the South of France, not really sure what to make of that.

- Bea catching that question and refusing to be tricked into saying Ben is her friend, and still refusing to watch his channel. Hilarious and plot-important.

- Arch-nemesis, what a strong word! Remember the fanart transforming Kate Beaton’s Nemesis comic to be about Ben having a photo of his nemesis Beatrice above his bed? I loved that, but now I think Beatrice should’ve been the star of her own version of that, lol.

- I love her making fun of Ben’s channel icon, because I still think that icon was a perfect character choice. Exactly the kind of deeply cringe nonsense that Benedick MuchAdo would and should do in a modern AU, I love it. And I love that Beatrice hates it. Perfect.

- “You have to pick a side, you pick my channel or you pick his!” “You do know you’re not the only two channels on YouTube?” Lol get her Hero!

- Just hollering again because Ben is definitely gonna watch this video and see Bea talking about their past I’m!!!!!

- I know what it’s like to be a kid and have a group of kids you only see during summer but who all see each other year-round, and you never feel as close to those people as they are to each other. So I understand why Bea might feel resentful that all her Auckland friends are still friends with Ben year-round, especially after she had such a falling out with him.

- “Like he does with his newest most bestest friend thing, he latched on to me as the other new kid in the group” MY HEART.

- Ben was clearly still struggling with being the new kid, and saw someone who related a bit to that and wanted to bond over it! Oh my GOD he is just the embodiment of the Puss-in-Boots-being-a-cute-kitten-with-huge-wet-eyes gif to me and I cannot help being absolutely in love. Protect this lonely baby!!!!!

- HE KNEW SHE WAS LEAVING AT THE END OF SUMMER. He was ripping off the band-aid early by pushing her away. We know he genuinely didn’t know his feelings for her were romantic at all at the time, so all Ben knew was Bea was trying to get closer to him right as he was about to lose her, and he was giving them both an out because it already hurt too much to lose her!!!!! (A HUGE parallel to his behavior of pushing her away ahead of losing her to travel in Lovely Little Losers by the way.)

- And poor Beatrice. She’s already used to maintaining friendships from eight hours away. She would have just taken for granted that she and Ben were going to stay in touch after she went home to Wellington, like she always did with Hero and Pedro. But she also knew she had a crush on Ben, and as soon as she tries to put herself out there in a messy 14-year-old way and create more situations where they’re alone together, Ben starts saying friendships die in three days. Because he doesn’t believe it’s possible to be friends from eight hours away, so why try? And Bea thinks he doesn’t care about her at all and she’s heartbroken.

- If Ben had only been able to communicate that he was scared because he liked her so much and insecure because he’d never had a friend who actually bothered to stay in touch before. If Bea had been able to listen without having her feelings hurt, and actually communicate her own feelings. If they both weren’t terminally fourteen years old about this, they could’ve been friends this entire time.

- Beatrice is SO heartbroken by Ben’s rejection that in the past 3 or 4 YEARS since this went down, she never talked to Hero about it before this video. Not once. And she tells Hero everything. That’s huge.

- “You know my life story now.” That’s how she phrases it. This friendship breakup is a defining event in Beatrice’s life so far. It’s the heartbreak of her life. No wonder she’s so adamant about hating him.

- “Traveling is going to be on the agenda in the next few years” and we already have the setup for Lolilo, not even halfway through NMTD.

- Like really, Lolilo is basically Ben and Bea having the same fight and making the same mistakes as they did when they were fourteen, and yet again finding their way back to each other, finally mature enough to never make the same mistakes a third time.

- Art Curator and Queen of the World. These precious girls.

- Beatrice wants to do something that challenges her and makes her think. She doesn’t want easy street. I love that. (Enjoying a challenge, enjoying learning and thinking, another thing that also applies to Ben.)

- Bea and Hero get along because they have the same sense of humor and they grew up together, they have history. Shows what they value in any kind of relationship, platonic or otherwise.

- I love Hero being sad at the idea of a world where she doesn’t know Bea, she’s so sweet. And Bea finding that emotional stuff gross is also perfect.

- “I think you have more in common with Ben that you do with me.” “Hero I’m going to kill you right now.” Perfect.

- Godddddd the pale blue dress I’m already in pain. Knowing what’s coming just ughhhhhh

- The beaded necklace! I love these two so much, we love sisterhood (cousinhood, you know what I mean)

- Ohhhhh St Miranda’s! I just got it, that’s a The Tempest reference and the magician principal is Prospero, or more likely Prospera a la the movie. I don’t think I had seen or read The Tempest yet when I first watched NMTD, so that went over my head. I knew it was a Shakespeare reference but it’s only now that I understand it.

- (About Pedro) “I can be myself around him, we just know each other really well” and again I’m in PAIN augh the foreshadowing

- Do we think Bea really doesn’t know that her name means Blessed? Interesting. Love that they worked that detail in.

- Saying goodbye in German? Well Hero is clearly a Sound of Music fan, lol. Well, that or Cabaret, but she strikes me as a Sound of Music girl.

- Reminding the audience that we don’t really know her outside of this channel, thanking everyone for their kindness and good questions, backhanding the ones who asked about Ben with “MOST of the questions were really good and not annoying at all”. Lol, way to model a mostly healthy relationship with your audience, Bea! I mean that genuinely. Boundaries are important. Even though you’re fictional.

- “Why are you watching us? We’re not that interesting.” This line will be paralleled somewhat in Bea and Hero’s final video.

- And all their favorite YouTubers in the description box! Mostly OG British YouTubers I haven’t thought about in years. That was a blast from the past!

- Thank you comment section for pointing out that Hero chose to include a question sent in by Benedick! She left out his name so Bea wouldn’t notice, but he’s the one who asked “how much of yourself do you put in your videos” and Bea said it was an interesting question. I love that.

- He wants to know how genuine the things she says in her videos are and he wants advice as a fellow YouTuber at the same time, and she lets him know that she’s for real. That has to hurt given the things she’s said about him, but he could also take from this video that he matters to her, or she wouldn’t still be so upset about their falling out. Whether he does understand that from this video is another question- probably not. Not yet.

- Someone in the comments, AlashiaTuol, is a genius, pointing out that Bea jokingly telling Hero to pick a side between herself and Ben is a direct parallel to a much more serious “pick a side” conversation Ben is going to have. I love that call.

- Another commenter said what I’m always thinking when I rewatch this series: “I’m so glad this exists!”

💖🥭🦩

[lastweeksshirttonight]

A few months ago, I was talking with @tellthemeerkatsitsfine and brought up the casual idea of rewatching Last Week Tonight in its entirety and blogging about it. She told me she thought that would be a great idea, and thus, my brain immediately started panicking. "People will SEE your LONGFORM WRITING! You might have to be VULNERABLE and OPEN and people might see you as more than a Pez dispenser for John Oliver content!! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!!!" My anxiety is clearly very fun and very logical.

Anyways, the idea lay dormant, held at bay by anxiety, until recently - I have a brand new computer, free time, and a real desire to try and write something more substantial than "i cannot" on this blog. For real, my longform writing is not that bad! I hope.

With that context out of the way, here goes a new experiment for me - revisiting every past episode of Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. Will this be any good? Who fucking knows. But we're doing it. Strap in.

Last Lee Tonight (wherein Lee rewatches Last Week Tonight for an undetermined and probably nonexistent audience) Season One, Episode One

(original air date: 4/27/2014) Major topics covered: POM Wonderful vs. Coca-Cola; the 2014 Indian election; the NSA

"Welcome, welcome, welcome... to whatever this is."

My enduring memory of Last Week Tonight starting is my mom calling me and angrily asking me why "that guy you like" was on a billboard, like I'd personally been responsible for him getting his own HBO show. I don't know why she was so angry about it, I just remember responding with something along the lines of, "maybe other people think he's hot too?"

Going back and watching this first episode now is extremely weird. As you can probably tell from the list of topics covered above, the show hadn't yet settled into its now famous format, and instead bounced from topic to topic like an R-rated Daily Show. It's not a terrible idea for a show structure. There's some clunkiness to this early iteration of LWT because of it, especially given that there's no commercial breaks to aid with transitions, but it's perfectly watchable. Its weirdness lies almost entirely in the fact that I (and everyone else watching it now) know it's going to become something very different very quickly.

It starts like most LWT episodes start now, with a recap of random shit that happened last week. There's a lot going on in this section - John talks about the banner week for "unrepentant racists and recording devices" as he briefly covers Donald Sterling and Cliven Bundy, multiple popes being canonized as saints, and Obamacare websites failing to meet demand. This is a very 2014 series of headlines and they are blasted through in about 5 minutes. Weirdly, John doesn't devote any space to what Cliven Bundy actually said to piss people off that week (and if you aren't familiar with Cliven Bundy, the man is rancid so it could have been a lot of different things), but does show a clip of him being introduced on a morning show holding a dead cow. As you do.

The breakneck speed of this episode is startling coming from our current LWT state. The Obamacare website bit, which takes about 3 minutes in total including the Lisa Loeb cameo, is the kind of thing that they would spend 20+ minutes on in future seasons/episodes. I do love Lisa Loeb and forgot she sang a song on LWT telling Oregon how much their Obamacare website sucks. (One of my favorite songs of all time is "Falling in Love". You should give it a spin.)

From there, we go into the 2014 Indian Election (and, briefly, the 2016 Presidential Election, which, at the time, was 926 days away. JEB!), which had only been discussed on the McLaughlin Report at the time despite being the biggest election on the planet. Its primary focus is the two leading candidates, Rahul Gandhi, described by John as "wow that guy is handsome", and Narendra Modi. John does something intriguing with this piece - it starts very jokey and surface-level before taking a hard turn into discussing Modi's potential involvement in a literal massacre of thousands. I wish John did this more often nowadays. I get that it's probably hard to execute when everyone expects LWT to be the most depressing 'comedy' on television, so a sudden swerve like that is far more expected, but it was a really deft turn that clearly left the in-studio audience unsure of how to react. Moments like that are worth seeking out.

A moment that has occupied my brain since I saw this nearly ten years ago - "how dare you say I take money? How dare you say I take money? How dare you say I take money? How -"

Our first "And Now This" is John McCain telling the same joke about Russia over and over and over again. Repetition is a secret theme of this episode.

We now move on to Pom Wonderful vs. Coca-Cola, or "why two beverages are fighting each other in the highest court of the land". I'm calling this segment Pom Wonderful vs. Coca-Cola bc of its Wikipedia designation, but this segment is far more about food labeling, a subject near and dear to my celiac-ridden ass. Pomegranates, as it turns out, cannot help you cheat death, and Minute Maid has less than 1% pomegranates in their pomegranate juice. The kind of health claims companies make with their foods are still batshit, and it's wild that I have to struggle through reading whole lists of ingredients to try and find gluten while companies pretend their Pop-Tarts are actually beneficial to anyone. This also gives us the first instance of John Oliver urging the audience to do random acts of social vandalism, by definitely not advising them to put fake health claim stickers on food products. I wish I could find the "contains 4 whole pomeranians!" sticker, I definitely used to have that.

A second "And Now This" is a taped segment about cheerleader mistreatment in the NFL. This is also infuriating to behold. I hope things have gotten better for cheerleaders, but given that this is the NFL, I doubt it.

This feels the most like a modern LWT segment, in that it could easily be retitled "How is This Still a Thing" and would only need minimal changes to work. Seriously, pay cheerleaders the money they deserve, they're athletes too.

Finally, we move to the NSA, and John interviews General Keith Alexander, the former head of the NSA. It is obviously important for me to tell you that John is in a different suit for this.

(Is there some sort of discount store for weird orange vases)

Information security and privacy was a huge cornerstone of the early years of LWT, and yet I'd somehow totally forgotten about this interview. This is basically a TDS field piece, as John questions General Alexander about what the NSA is actually collecting from the US public. He's pushing Alexander hard, and this makes a great companion piece to his later interview with Edward Snowden. There's even insets of reporting on NSA wrongdoing! It's almost indistinguishable from the things he did on The Daily Show, and since I've been in a very nostalgic headspace for that show, I appreciated it.

John admitting he'd abuse the hell out of NSA clearance is hilarious. As is John saying the Washington Football Team is a slightly less tainted brand than the NSA.

As a collective experience, I stand by saying that it's very weird to watch this now. At the time, though, this was exactly what I wanted out of a John Oliver-led show. It'll be interesting to see how this show shifts into its current form over this first season - since I haven't rewatched these episodes in ages, it'll be a "new" experience for me too.

Random notes:

Lee obviously focuses on important things corner: Light blue checkered shirt with blue solid tie and gray jacket is a solid look for John. He also is between bangs and no bangs, giving me a brief period of time to mourn the loss of #bangsappreciationhours. 8/10. Interview suit is more staid but blue is still a nice color on him, 7/10.

It's funny to see the pop-in social media boxes being used for their actual purpose of sharing links, and not for John randomly calling something "#feminism" or being mad about Fifty Shades of Gray. The show has evolved in ways both big and small.

The parts of this episode I was able to find on YouTube are so bizarre. Neither of the main segments seem to be there, but LWT's YouTube channel had the portions embedded above, which, aside from the interview, are such WEIRD things to highlight. I know a lot of these used to be on YouTube, too, but it looks like they've been culled.

Christ the Tumblr post formatter on desktop really hates when I try to click around to edit long ass posts.

Please let me know if this is actually any good or interesting, I truly don't really know if this is of value to anyone.

[reiverreturns]

Rules: list eight shows for your followers to get to know you better.

Tagged by @aeide and @forsty, thank you! ❤️

1. Parks and Recreation. this is my failsafe, go to, never lets me down comfort show. beyond its genuine humour and charm, i’ve always loved p&r because, at it’s core, it’s about one women doggedly refusing to give up on her dreams and her desire to do good in the world. its tropey and silly and self referential without ever being mean or so over the top with the characters that they don’t feel tangible and fully formed in the world they live in. i love this show. the first season doesn’t exist tho. 

2. Fleabag. genuinely one of the best tv shows ever made and i will fight anyone who says otherwise. it is just SO GOOD as a rumination on love and loss and grief and what the fuck do you do if you don’t really like the person you are. fleabag and claire’s relationship is so special to me (because deep down i am claire.) idk i’ve seen this marketed as a comedy show and while it has jokes its so, so, so much deeper than that. and it doesn’t overstay its welcome either. please watch fleabag i beg.  

3. Black Sails. LOOK. i am not immune to filthy emotionally complex sometimes-horny pirates pushing against a society and a system that they never had a place in. i cannot be blind to the rich historical setting and love that always sits on the line of hate. people willing to die for things that were so fucking real to them, and things that never were to anyone else. man titties. A+ no notes.

4. Arcane. i’m a sucker for good animation and this show is so b e a u t i f u l. i’m also so soft for fucked up father relationships and BOY does this show have ‘em in spades. also sevika and her big beefy arms (arm technically i guess?)

5. Top Gear. don’t really advertise the fact that i’m a motorsports/car fan on here but top gear played a huge part in that growing up. the old series with the og three is another comfort show, particularly the specials. i do watch new TG with chris/paddy/freddie but it isn’t the same.

6. Ted Lasso. hate football, love this show with a burning passion. a gaggle of himbos, bad puns, and hannah waddingham. it’s perfection. 

7. The Orville. i watched a lot of star trek growing up and i’ve found myself really loving the orville for capturing some of that classic sci-fi, episodic adventure magic. its a weird show to watch from the first series (it starts very much like seth macfarlane wrote it as a seth macfarlane show to get it greenlit) before the reins loosen a bit and it really hits its stride. the last series was just so fucking good with how it used common sci-fi tropes to look at modern day issues like trans acceptance and self identity. it’s a gem of a show and i wish more people would watch it honestly.

8. Santa Clarita Diet. STILL SO MAD NETFLIX CANCELLED THIS WHAT THE FUCK MAN. it was so absurd and so funny, a show i didn’t think i’d like at all reading the premise and was instantly hooked. timothy olyphant as a man who really loves his wife but desperately need to smoke some weed is just such perfect casting. man i need to rewatch this show.

Omitting the tags bc the social anxiety has me gripped today but don’t let me stop you from having a good time beloveds.

[cadencekismet]

Once again I am here to post about ten books I especially loved in the last year, in no particular order. In the interest of not picking ten books from two authors, and rather than forcing myself to pick one between several favorites, I am shouting out a couple of authors and series.

In no particular order:

Victoria Goddard’s books have been the backbone of my reading this year. I read one or two of them last year, but I ran through the majority of her books this year. Shout out especially to Portrait of a Wide Seas Islander for giving me a character who had vitiligo (and called that vitiligo by name!). If you enjoy books about queer indigenous elders, I cannot recommend it highly enough. The Redoubtable Pali Avramapul was also fantastic, and gave me one of my favorite protagonists of the year. It’s about an older woman setting off to find adventures once again and learning to admit to scarier feelings and mistakes she has made. (Shout out also to her Greenwing and Dart series, whose characters are my absolute favorites. It’s a rollicking series of unfortunate events, as long as you don’t mind the Christianity that peeks through in this particular series.)

Alexandra Rowland’s books have also shaped my year in delightful ways. You might know them as ariaste of fanfiction fame, in which case you should check out their published fiction too! Special shout out to Lights of Ystrac Wood, which is a delightful novella about an unlikely friendship, dedication, and fear, and to A Taste of Gold and Iron, which in spite of several other strong contenders (Lights among them) was my favorite book I read this year. If you enjoy beautiful prose, humor, so much textual queerness, a carefully thought-out fantasy world based on the Ottoman Empire, and the best portrayal of anxiety I’ve seen in fiction, you should check it out.

The Afterward by E K Johnston was an excellent book. If you enjoy a book about people who fell apart reconnecting, if you always want to know what happened after the quest was completed and everyone went home, and if fantasy student loans pique your interest, check this book out.

Legends and Lattes by Travis Baldree is the coziest coffee shop AU story I have read in a long time. Read this for people (and other creatures) stepping outside of their comfort zones or their stereotypes (an ogre opening a coffee shop!) and building a community for themselves.

The Murderbot series By Martha Wells was just. Y’all, I’ve seen people posting about Murderbot forever and somehow didn’t bother picking it up? I love Murderbot so much. What a perfect character it is. If you love watching a character insist that it doesn’t have emotions and it doesn’t have feelings while making all of its decisions based on emotions and how much it wants to rewatch its favorite show, this is the book series for you. I was wrong to wait so long to read it. Don’t be like me.

I also read several romance novels this year (look at me branching out into new genres) starting with Seducing the Sorcerer by Lee Welch. If you, like me, were a horse girl and took it really hard that books for grownups don’t revolve around horses the way books for middle schoolers often do, this is the book for you. If you like a canon queer kinky relationship, this is the book for you. If you like a story about a washed up working class hero saving the day, this is the book for you. It was a delight the whole way through.

Sailor’s Delight by Rose Lerner was. Umm. Reading a book that centered around a High Holiday the way that Hallmark Movies center around Christmas was really special to me. The fact that it was also well-written and sweet and queer certainly didn’t hurt. I don’t think I have a pitch for this one because I’m still feeling a little exposed by how much I like it, but if you’re interested, send me an ask in a month or two when maybe I’ll have processed a little more.

I read several books by Alexis Hall this year and had a great time with all of them, but a special shout out to Paris Daillencourt is about to Crumble which also had some excellent anxiety portrayal. His books are just really fun and really queer and really enjoyable, and if you want well-written queer romance, you should check him out.

Ocean’s Echo by Everina Maxwell absolutely killed me. It’s just so excellent. I love the characters a more-than-normal amount, even for me. Winter’s Orbit was a solid 3.5/4 star book for me. Ocean’s Echo is five. Everything got tighter in this book. The characterization, the plot, the spot the main characters are stuck in and trying to get out of... (To clarify: this is set in a different world from the author’s first book, with different characters, but in the same universe.) I just absolutely adored this book, and you should too.

Lastly, I did read A Sentimental Education by Hannah McGregor, which is my token non-fiction book for the year. I’ve long been a fan of her podcasts, Witch Please and Secret Feminist Agenda, and A Sentimental Education was everything I expected it to be from listening to her podcasts. That is to say: I don’t always agree with everything she says, but she always makes me think. Sometimes I like her end argument but not the way she gets there. However, if you’re interested in musings on fatness, whiteness, (lack of) indigeneity, sentimental novels, and queerness, I definitely recommend this book.

[korradoras]

TOP SHIPS OF ALL TIME:

this is in no order but it will be numbered for my sanity.

1. slexie - mark and lexie/greys anatomy

• i am so attached to this ship, i have never sobbed so hard an my life than when i first watched the season 8 finale/season 9 premiere of greys anatomy. i still rewatch only their seasons quite often.

2. catradora - catra and adora/SPOP

• ultimate comfort ship, i rewatch she ra whenever i am going through it. i first watched it when i was 15 and i still watch it for comfort. 15 is a nostalgic age for me, she ra reminds me of what it was like before anxiety. 😩

3. korrasami - korra and asami/LOK

• another comfort ship, comfort show, etc. lok and avatar are more shows i watched when i was 15, when the pandemic hit i was almost 16. i was locked up in my room, no school, no going out, no friends. i had a basement room with a couch and a huge tv, i spent MANY weeks watching netflix on that couch and the feeling was immaculate. i rewatch the atlau shows VERY often.

4. bellarke - bellamy and clarke/the 100

• once again another comfort show, i rewatch the 100 annually and have been watching it since season 4 came out. my dad started watching it, then my mom, then my sister. it became a show we watched all together, and i had a little ritual when it came to new seasons. i am an impatient person in some ways more than others, i do not have the patience to maintain interest when watching episodes weekly but i have no issue waiting for the whole season to be out. so every year as the episodes came out, i ignored them. when they all hit netflix, i would binge. however, for season 7 of the 100 i waited 2 years. i think i was procrastinating letting it end. bellarke was THE slowburn. i was so sure they would end up together, in a way im glad they didn't, but i loved them so much. i cannot describe the way that i feel when watching them and this show.

5. clexa - clarke and lexa/the 100

• GAY SLOWBURN. y'all i have so many fics i read consistently about clexa. i have like 3 on shuffle that i've read 10 times minimum. i cry like a bitch every time i rewatch s2-3 of the 100.

6. avatrice - ava and beatrice/warrior nun

• so i had heard a lot and seen a lot about this show before i actually watched it, which was actually in january of this year, several months after the 2nd (and final 🥲) season came out. i QUICKLY fell in love w both avatrice and ava/beatrice as individuals. i also read a lot of avatrice fics and cry thinking abt it being cancelled 😭

7. stydia - stiles and lydia/teen wolf

• BEST SLOWBURN OF ALL TIMEEE. it's weird to think teen wolf ended SIX years ago, this is another show i rewatch annually and what's funny is when i was 12 watching this show i did not care for stydia. i liked scott's relationships with allison and kira, never paid much attention to stiles and lydia until i was 16/17 and i rewatched and realized that they are AMAZING.

8. sameena - sam and deena/fear street

• MORE ANNUAL REWATCH SERIES. i LOVE LOVE LOVE these movies, and when i say sam and deena i am also including sarah and hannah. ex's/enemies to lovers in HORROR? forbidden love? sapphics? say less.

9. glaggie - glenn and maggie/twd

• so this was my first ship ever. started watching this when i was 11, i watched it over and over and over, i read the first 3 compendiums of the comics, then season 7 rolled around, i watched three first episode live then never watched another episode last season 6 again.

10. delena - damon and elena/tvd

• honestly they sort of give me the ick now but 12 year old me ATE that shit up, would also like to add they were my sexual awakening. i remember watching one of their spicy scenes and feeling a little funny 🥴

11. wayhaught - waverly and nicole/wynonna earp

• hottest ship ever. i fucking love them and i still need to watch the most reason season which is not that recent.

12. (honorable mention) camren - camila and lauren/5h

• camren gets only an honorable mention bc i don't ship them anymore, but they were MY gay awakening. when i was 13 i discovered fifth harmony and, naturally, i discovered ✨camren fanfiction✨ i literally did not know i was gay until i started reading fics about them. it just clicked when i felt more reading than i ever had for real life boys. :) anyways i don't support shipping real people anymore at my ripe age of 18.

[amtrak12]

Lucifer Rewatch Liveblog: Ep 1.01

Oh god the NERVES I have over doing this. It’s so stupid. Anyway before hitting play, let’s give a little backstory about how I stumbled ass-backwards into watching Lucifer.

It was September 2021 and the sixth and final season was about to drop on Netflix. Both my spouse and my mother were rewatching the series in preparation of this and both had reached S3 when we were visiting my parents for my mom’s birthday. So Lucifer became the de facto show playing in the background of the visit. All I knew about the show going in was a) it was about the Devil, b) he ran a nightclub in LA, and c) it had at one point been canceled by a traditional network and then ‘saved’ by Netflix. Oh and d) I had absolutely no interest in ever watching it.

But circumstances change don’t they? Because between the time that I first heard about Lucifer and the time when it was playing in front of my face while I visited with my family, the following events happened:

the COVID-19 pandemic swept through the world

Anxiety and depression set in making new shows feel like too much work to watch

both my spouse and I rewatched old favorites instead

I got a shih tzu puppy which confined me to the living room for months until she was fully potty trained.

Now, for my spouse, these go to TV rewatches included The Originals and Frasier. And friends, I got hooked on both. Two shows I never had any interest in watching. Two shows my spouse played in the living room so we could still be in the same room while I raised a puppy. TWO SHOWS I GOT FUCKING HOOKED ON AND HAD TO WATCH ALL THE WAY THROUGH TO THE END.

So of course the same thing happened when they played Lucifer right in front of my face. And like The Originals and Frasier, I merely picked up where my spouse was in the rewatch and refused to go backwards. ‘You should really watch it from the beginning--’ NOPE! We’re starting here. Just fill me in on backstory when it’s relevant.

Which is how my first experience with Lucifer was scattered S3 episodes and then S4-6 straight through. I loved it! It was fab! But it was months before I got the itch to go back and watch S1-2 and when I did oh boy.... OH BOY.

Well, I’ll share those thoughts live. :P

*hits play on the pilot*

OMG this little text intro they do during S1 is so trying to be edgy but is instead just cheesy.

I hate this opening scene. I mean I understand it. It does it’s job. Lucifer hates rules but enjoys punishing people! He can pull out people’s desires! Cops aren’t here to protect anyone! Just take money from the rich and terrorize the rest! Oh wait they probably didn’t mean that last one.

Weird move then to open with a dirty cop in a cop propaganda show

I am too asexual for this show in general but I’m especially too asexual for S1

I do love how Amenadiel is nearly always introduced in S1 with time slowing down. It’s a fucking awesome power! Shame he stopped using it.

Though I cannot take early Amenadiel seriously because he is so I’m Super Serious and I have seen S4-6 okay? This version of Amenadiel is a total hilarious lie.

I do love Delilah. Also I lose my mind every time that like 8 minutes into the pilot, they foreshadow the show’s end game of Lucifer helping the souls trapped in Hell to confront their guilt when he calls in his favor with Delilah to tell her to get her life together. It means nothing with the pilot alone, but when boosted by the next six seasons, it becomes a nugget of gold.

And RIP Delilah :( You should absolutely not think about how the poor thing was definitely stuck in Hell until Lucifer had his series finale revelation. :( Definitely don’t think about that.

Cool trick to pull back a very recently deceased soul to talk to it. I understand why that never really happened again (because he wasn’t usually there when future murder victims died) but since I’m a sucker for all kinds of ghost/afterlife stories, I kind of wish it had been utilized again.

~Ooo~ narrative mystery. What’s Palmetto Street????? What’s the deal with these two cops????? I wouldn’t actually care if this was my first experience with the show. Oops.

Now, they did not show that Lucifer’s supernatural charisma draws everyone to him before introducing Chloe but that’s okay. It’s the pilot. In general, they’re doing well with the plot and characters.

And by well, I mean I only like S1 because it’s hysterical after knowing where they all end up. Don’t get me wrong! I completely agree that this is the cast’s starting places. But who they all are before meeting each other and growing together is repulsive to me so in that sense S1 is terrible.

Ooph the anti-black racism in this scene with 2 Vile. I mean it goes hand in hand with cop propaganda but WOW. The rap bashing and pretending that liking blues music means you’re not racist. Wow.

I do love Chloe’s backstory of being an actress who had a nude scene in a movie because that’s the kind of thing that is so far outside my lived experience that I never would’ve thought of that for a character in a million years. But it works absurdly well in the context of this show. So kudos to the writers there.

Okay now we’re starting with the real Lucifer and Chloe banter that we know and love. I had nothing to say during their intro scene because I kept seeing all the fanvids who splice it with the series finale callback to it but here’s the actual good stuff.

“I just threatened his life. He would’ve said, trust me.” *long blink of disbelief* “You did what?” -- Oh Chloe you have no idea what a headache the next six years are going to be for you. (And also the rest of your life because I met Rory, okay. That girl is not going to be easy to raise. Trixie is your easy child.)

“Yeah, isn’t that illegal?” -- “Uh, little bit, yeah.” Finally! Chloe has an excuse to arrest Lucifer for being an ass!

Which lasts all of 0.2 seconds because Lucifer can get out of handcuffs. Which Chloe for some reason was not expecting.

Like I know through internet osmosis that sex handcuffs and police handcuffs are two different things, but c’mon Chloe. Does this not strike you as the kind of guy who would experiment with police handcuffs too? Even not believing that he’s the Devil, I feel like you should’ve seen that one coming.

Ah here we go! The mojo demonstration again... that utterly falls flat because Chloe is a gift from God.

(Oops! Spoilers! :P)

Heh heh heh. That may be the first time Lucifer forgets Chloe is a trained actress and falls for her playing him, but it won’t be the last! lol

TRIXIE! TRIXIE! TRIXIE! TRIXIE!

Lucifer calling picking up her daughter an ‘errand’ is like the 4th time Chloe pictured herself shooting him.

LOOK AT HER TWO FRONT TEETH MISSING!!! *sobs* SHE’S SO ADORABLE!

Why is this fifth grader bullying a first grader? I just feel like fifth graders have better things to do like pick on each other in preparation for the ruthless ‘every child for themselves’ warzone that is sixth grade.

Poor Trixie sticking her fingers in her ears while her parents fight :(

Dan really does earn his douche title in S1. RIP Dan.

The cynical part of me that’s bought into purity culture is dismissing Lucifer defending Chloe as dumb hetero ‘This is the couple you’re supposed to ship!’ nonsense, but the rest of me that’s remembering it’s okay to like boy-led shows and junk food can actually analyze it and see that this is just him keying into behavior that isn’t justified and therefore should be punished. It’s not special to Chloe just yet. He does already like her. He is already intrigued by her, and he’s even already slightly charmed by her daughter. But he genuinely cared about Delilah too and wanted to see her turn her life around. The whole pilot is driven by him wanting to punish those that took that opportunity away from her, and I really like that. Again, it’s set up for the S6 end game of saving the souls in Hell.

“Isn’t he funny, Daddy?” followed swiftly by asking Chloe “What’s a hooker?” is some dichotomy. LOL

Oh, Chloe. Just wait until Trixie befriends Maze. ;)

(Just wait until Dan meets Maze ROTFL Okay I will definitely have to keep liveblogging so I can rewatch that ep. OMG it’s hysterical.)

“Daddy will tell you. :)” Oh this separation is not going well. I mean that’s been pretty obvious from every scene that Chloe and Dan have shared so far, but that line really cements that. lol

Chloe and Dan both being different shades of shocked that Trixie likes Lucifer is fab. Chloe is just ‘huh’ about it and Dan is like ‘I want to kill this guy so bad’ x2.

OH I LOVE THIS EXCHANGE OUTSIDE OF LINDA’S OFFICE!

“Planned... sort of.” -- Dude you can’t say that kind of shit to me. I wouldn’t ordinarily care, but this show is already bonkers so now I want the gossip. The full story. What do you mean by ‘sort of’ in this sentence? I *will* pry.

“Did my father send you?” -- !!!!!! NOPE! DEFINITELY DIDN’T! DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT! CHLOE IS DEFINITELY NOT A GIFT FROM GOD!

(Did the writers know already? I mean, presumably they did if they’re dropping giant anvils like that. But writers also sometimes write characteristics like ‘is immune to Lucifer’s desire power’ without having the explanation ready to go in the pilot because it gives them freedom to flesh things out later. But this really feels like they had that explanation formed from the beginning.)

LINDA! LINDA! LINDA! LINDA!

I’m excited for her. I am not excited for this scene. This scene where Linda nearly jumps Lucifer is where I would’ve walked out on the pilot episode. If you had even convinced me to sit through more than that intro scene, that is. This pilot and I are very different people who live very different lives :S

However, it is hilarious in retrospect. Utterly ridiculous LOL

“Oh no he’s horrible! So square jawed, so handsome, so vanilla” -- THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME SUFFER THROUGH CHLOE AND CAIN IN S3! YOU COULD’VE STOPPED IT, LUCIFER! YOU COULD’VE SAVED US ALLLLLL THAT PAIN!

I mean it wouldn’t have made the Devil revelation any less shocking to Chloe and so S4 would mostly be unchanged BUT STILL! MY EYEBALLS! PLEASE THINK OF MY EYEBALLS!!!

Lucifer really doesn’t understand how a movie set works, does he? Just walks right into the middle of a massive and expensive practical stunt and then gets confused why the lead actor isn’t doing the stunt.

“You know you’re gonna have to get much better at lying if you’re going to be President?” -- “I know, right?”

“Why else do you think I’ve been sleeping with Bobby?” -- This marital fight is hilarious, I’m not gonna lie. They do not have a healthy relationship!

“Despite your proclaimed revulsion, you can’t deny that there’s a connection between us.” -- Because she can see that spark of genuineness in you which doesn’t make sense with your everything else, and she’s trying to figure out why that contrast isn’t as conflicting as it should be. You’re both puzzles the other is trying to figure out.

(You two are also a walking, talking soulmate AU which is a quickfire way to make me feral -- but that’s a conversation for a different season.)

It’s always about the money. :/

“I told you, it’s fine. I’m immortal.” -- But that poor band member isn’t, Lucifer! Dumbass.

PFFFTTTT! A fan vid cut Delilah being shot side by side with Chloe being shot here in the pilot and I LOST MY MIND ABOUT IT! I never realized that was a full proper parallel with the falling back onto shattered glass and everything until I saw that fanvid. So good!

This show LOVES using parallels and by god they do it well.

(Except S3. That’s still a hot mess, but I think they were trying for a foil there and not a parallel. Keyword is *trying*.)

TRIXIE! And then Lucifer drops her right on top of Chloe’s wounded side. Good move, Lucifer. A+ lol

“Look forward to seeing you soon, Chloe.” -- “I don’t.” Adorable.

“Glad you’re not dead.” -- my GOD when people splice that with Chloe’s S5 death in fanvids, it makes me tear out my hair. I love it!

And once again, I cannot take Amenadiel or this ‘tense brotherly stand off’ seriously. They’re just babies squabbling in comparison to where they end up. It’s nothing but comedy to me.

Bad news, Maze. Humanity is about to rub off on you too. *Jean-Ralphio voice* You’re gonna get a SO-OUL! :D

And we close with Lucifer going back to hold up his end of the deal with Linda and strike a new one with her: sex for therapy. Which thankfully, she switches to ‘money for therapy’ like a normal person at some point in S1. I mean, sex for therapy -- that’s the kind of thing that can get your license revoked. *glances at S2*

In conclusion, this was fun! I think the act of liveblogging helped my enjoyment of the show. It certainly got me to watch a full episode again. I did keep pausing to write things down which interrupted the flow. Fine for my third viewing of the pilot, but that’s going to bug me for later episodes. I’ll have to either be less wordy or take the bare minimum notes of what I want to say and then go back after the episode and flesh everything out.

[jedidragonwarriorqueen]

2021 Year In Review

(stealing this format from a review I did for last year. It was a tag game I think but I’m too lazy to start that up. I say after writing all this out, haha.)

Top Five Films you watched in 2021:

Your Name, 2016 (the animation! The music! The angst! Ahhhhhhhh)

Dune, 2021 (absolutely stunning, cannot recommend enough, whether or not you’ve read the book)

Wolfwalkers, 2020 (I loved the first two films in the Irish Mythology trilogy and this one completely blew me away)

Black Widow, 2021 (found family, no romantic subplots which is practically unheard of, women kicking ass, and a canon ace character? Sign me tf up)

Weathering With You, 2019 (utterly adorable and I listened to The Great Escape afterwards on repeat for hours)

Top Five TV Shows in 2021:

The Dragon Prince (Yes, we’ve been on hiatus for like 2 years. No, I don’t care. I rewatched it enough times to count)

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood (recommended by @starsinyourskyes in retaliation for getting her hooked on the Stormlight Archive. Well, it worked. I’m obsessed, and I am absolute Royai trash)

Derry Girls (recommend by @iwillhaveamoonbase and her plethora of Sister Michael gifs. I laughed, I cried, good times)

The Wheel of Time (Siuanraine for the WIN. Also we're getting Aviendha next season right? Right??)

Uhhhhhhhhhhh freespace lol

Top Five Songs/Albums in 2021:

The Best Is Yet To Come by Shepard

Sky Full Of Song by Florence and the Machine

Heaven Knows by Five for Fighting

War Paint by Fletcher

Paper Planes by Elina

Top Five Books of 2021:

Rhythm of War by Brandon Sanderson (deep breath) (incoherent screaming)

Educated by Tara Westover

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston (so. Much. Fun)

Artemis by Andy Weir (A rec from @mountainsatellite ! Let Jazz Bashara have her own private bathroom 2k21)(it's funny bc it's set in the future)

Wintering by Katherine May

Top Five Fanfictions of 2021:

Homeward Bound by @numptypylon (The Dragon Prince, an ongoing slow-burn Rayllum modern AU. It’s got fluff, it’s got angst, it’s got hurt/comfort, it’s got Rayllum being dorks--the emotional bandwith is both deep and wide!!)

delicate by @lantur (FMA, a Riza Hawkeye character study spanning from pre-canon childhood to well post-canon. Plenty of Royai, naturally. Words cannot give justice to how good this fic is and how much I love it!)

snipers solve 99% of all problems by silentwalrus (okay so like. I’m not usually a crossover person but holyyyy frick frack this FMA/Harry Potter one is fun. Still ongoing and basically 80 chapters of Edward Elric bitching about wizards and saying fuck 3,000 times. I hadn’t laughed this hard since I read The Martian.)

Son of Thorns by @truthwatcher-vez (The Stormlight Archive; I’m admittedly wayyy behind on this one, but it’s a post-RoW fic centered on Renarin Kholin. He definitely deserves some time to shine after we were robbed of content for him in RoW 😤 The author’s Rlainarin series, Chasms Between, is also excellent!)

Controlled Burn by madelinescribbles @okiedoketm (FMA role reversal where Al & Ed are climbing the ranks of the military and Roy commits human transmutation, blinding himself and getting Riza stuck in a taxidermy hawk. Ongoing fic, the characterization is soooo on point despite the role reversal, and the plot is so intriguing!)

Five good/positive things that happened to you in 2021

Seeing friends again!! I got to go visit a good college friend I hadn't seen in years since we graduated, and another friend I'd only seen once since we graduated came to visit twice! (Why do all my friends live across the country?)

I wrote. So much. Fanfiction 🤣 Hit a major slump this fall when rising COVID cases in my area started to make work hellish again, but I'm starting to get back into it!

Started therapy for the first time back in May. Also recently started a new antidepressant, after a bad adverse reaction scared me off from them for a while. Still have a long ways to go, but I'm feeling much better, and I haven't had an anxiety attack at work since.

Realized I'm asexual! Which explains soooo much about my life 🤣 Still coming to terms with it in some respects, but simply knowing brings so much peace and pride in my identity.

I got a Tumblr in 2020 but this was the year I really started becoming active in a few fandoms and really connecting with people on here! It's been a blast, and I love freaking out about shared interests with you all💕

[rainbowninja00]

my lovely fandoms

I thought I would make a post comprising of the fandoms I'm in, even if I'm not really active in them.the main ones Undertale - specifically UTMV (undertale multiverse)

this is my main fandom and the one I participate most in. the art, writing, and creators are great. are there some bad parts? of course, every fandom has its faults but it's not nearly as bad as others think. bless all the super dedicated artists and writers who work so hard to keep it alive and make everyone smile, cry and everything in between. Edit: I literally cannot escape, if you want a fic rec im your gamer. I will sing the praises of the talented writers in this community any day of the year. Danganronpa this is one I recently joined and I love it and the games so much but JEEZ, people need to chill over the ships and mainly need to stop shitting on characters they either don't understand and mistreating people who have different favorites like their favorite protag or antag. that being said, kokichi is my favorite character and no I will not change that. that being said, there is one character that triggers my anxiety and I cannot even think about them without shaking and feeling sick so that sucks but overall I will be buying the decadence collection when it comes out. Edit: I got the collection, barely played it cause i have a very short attention span and the stupidity of the characters infuriates me. The owl house I promise I'm not joking this series is gold, amazing art, I love the covens and show and characters, it's just * chef's kiss*. the show may only be on its second season but I hope that it gets more seasons. real excited for an actual gay Disney character. I am so excited for new episodes, don't worry I won't post spoilers! Edit: I would literally commit arson for the collector omg. I HATE HUNTLOW WITH A PASSION, why? eh, feels forced and boring as hell. their friendship would mean soooooooo much more to be honest, neither of them should be thinking of a relationship in there current predicament. kind of in this fandom? splatoon I love the second game and I'm super excited for the third, but I never played the first. I play splatoon 2 on and off, but it is the game I have around 500 hours on, on my switch. I have read some comics and absolutely adore the art, but I haven't read any stories on their own out of fear, it's a game with squids and octopi, you can understand why. Edit: I have splatoon 3 and it is my favourite game atm, i love it so much im so excited for the dlc and the fresh season coming up. im very proud of the squid research lab for having gender abolished. My little pony (only friendship is magic though) I can explain. I started watching the show when it first came out when I was little so I just kept watching and got the mobile game, dolls, a big applejack plushie, (she was my favourite) and some of the comics. if you ask me the comics are actually really good and get a lot darker than the show and it feels more expressive and less "the magic of friendship will fix all!" even though that does happen. overall, I just like rewatching the show sometimes and seeing what great works of art people make. the soundtrack slaps though. also, cupcakes, that creepypasta and a couple others traumatised me when I was like ten so there's that. gravity falls?

I love the entire series to bits, the art and headcanons but there is little to no new content so I just lurk and wait for more.

Disney gets a mention cause it's not really a fandom (Edit: fuck disney support indie creators and the actual creators of the cartoons they deserve so much more than the platforms give them)

Helluva boss/ Hazbin hotel well, one of these is content starved, and the other is bountiful. still live them both a lot. addict is one of my favourite songs ever, also stolas' song, and ironically vacay to bonetown is a comfort song. the character designs are cool! Edit: Stolas is my blorbo i love this silly owl man and I am hype over season 2 and more episodes, also i have some merch! an alastor pin and some stolas stuff including his grimoure! steven universe since the series ended there isn't much to say other than, I liked the original series, the movie was good, steven universe future was okay but overall felt kinda frustrating to me? the point of it makes sense, showing steven can't take his own advice, doesn't want change, and needs to feel useful, but overall I just wanted someone to try harder to get him to understand? it felt like everyone around him was just watching and barely cared. art is cool, the show is always fun to rewatch, and the SONGS. pokemon pokemon itself has been big for me since I was little so finding a bunch of people who loved it as well was fun. my first game was emerald (which was also one of my very first video games overall too) and I loved X, omega ruby, moon, ultra moon, and shield. the art, nuzlockes, gameplay, TCG, plushies, it's a huge community, but I'm not the most active in it. (my favorite pokemon is shiny sylveon btw) Edit: my favourite pokemon are shiny sylveon, spheal, and alolan vulpix as well as the tandemaus line. Lego Monkie Kid MOOOOOOOONKIE KID! FAMILIAR TALES, NEW ADVENTURES!!! I love macaque and sun wukong, shadowpeach forever. the series is so good the art style is gorgeous just chef's kiss all around. Kirby Love me the round pink boi what can i say. i loved triple deluxe growing up, enjoyed star allies, and adored forgotten lands. it's such a cute, sweet, sometimes eldrich horror-y, fun series. Daycare Attendant (FNAF SB) just this specific part I love sun and moon and all their depictions, animatics, the daycare theme song unironically makes me feel calm, it's like a baby sensory video. I wanna hug all the talented artists who made this very niche part a fandom in the first place. barely in these fandoms Miraculous I may be super into the show, but the fandom? not so much. I haven't seen much but there are some cool comics and predictions, but the whole love square stuff is kinda what puts me off of interacting or really talking about it. Edit: i just want it to end please it's so insane now i have no idea what is going on anymore in this series. i will stick around for fan comics and the finale. Hollow Knight the silly bug game made me smile, cry, rage, and so much more, my furthest completion rate is 107% I believe. still waiting for silksong.Harry Pottertrans rights Edit: FUCK HARRY POTTER NOPE NOPE NOPE NOT EVEN NOSTALGIA WILL SAVE THIS SERIES. I have seen the light and learned about the rampant anti-semitism, racism, shitty plot, etc. I am removing it entirely from my list. (Also i am trans i figured that out wayyy after making this post i think) That's it! I'll add more if I remember more! Edit: I added more :)

[g0reoz]

honestly the mood for like. mid november to whenever the snow stops and the ground thaws is just

-”oh hey, i am doing Spectacular! maybe this year will be different!! :)” *spends an entire weekend sleeping*

-long periods of time in front of the Therapy Lamp with noise cancelling headphones

-*goes outside to get some fuckin vitamin d* “nopeNopeNOPE that was a mistake”

-“whatta hell. it’s already [insert holiday].”

-“whyyyy isn‘t it [insert holiday] yetttt i want my OFF DA Y S”

-*goes through at least two or three cups of tea/hot cocoa/boiled water/etc daily*

-“i’m not hungry! i haven’t eaten anything toda-“ *proceeds to get all food in one sitting at 10 pm for some reason*

-this bad boy can rewatch so many fucking animes

-crochet time! it’s crochet time!! i haven’t touched my hooks for a period longer than 30 minutes in MONTHS but i have decided that winter is crochet time! give me the serotonin you stupid little metal sticks! get on the fucking couch we are making an entire shuckle plushie over the course of 2 movies to distract ourselves from our own mortality

-most of my energy goes into Avoiding Any Kind Of Detrimental Or Self Destructive Behavior ngl

-*gets under 6 blankets* “this is fine”

-Does Not Talk At All

-if you thought 30 degrees was too cold, wait until it’s in the negative 20s!!

-religious trauma is once again activated by a series of long church sessions around the end of december

-Talks Too Much About Literally Nothing

-“hey maybe this season is nice actually? i mean, look at all the scenery” *spends 3 hours laying on the floor with a headache*

-why is everything so fuckign BRIGHT when it snows?? stop reflecting that much sunlight. it kills my eyes.

-need i mention anxiety

-“i am awful i am terrible i cannot believe i made it through last winter”

-always tired. 4 hours of sleep or 11, take it or leave it.

-*ground thaws* oh hey everything is fine now actually :) i will Never have to deal with this again (lie)

[starshine-selfships]

1, 5, 6, 10, and 12!! :>

Hello hello!! Thank you for the numbers!!

1) What's a Hot Take you have about your f/o?

Not necessarily a hot take bc I've seen other people agree with this, but he's pretty mentally ill,, like that man definitely has an anxiety disorder and also looks like he might be depressed as hell on top of that 😞 I guess a hot take would be that the way he acts is kinda reminiscent of how someone who's experienced trauma acts, between his paranoia, the way he didn't really seem to fully trust anyone, self sabotage through setting self expectations way too high and then shattering when they were unreachable, like that's a little uncanny and definitely creeps into projection territory, but I think it's possible to make an argument that the way he was treated at the start of the arc + his own delicate emotional constitution could mean something 🤔

5) What's the dumbest thing you've heard about your f/o, either on the internet or irl?

Any implication that he likes women U_U skdjkdf like!!! That's not a straight man, he only ever interacted with one (1) woman and he actively tried to kill her bc he hated her so much; like there's a very nice edit in his tag of the bi flag color picked from his design and I'll take it! He's definitely queer, like,, , not to run with stereotypes but what heterosexual man looks like this:

It's almost a little funny bc there's not a whole lot of content made for him but I'll occasionally scroll past some reader insert drabbles and I think I've only seen one that wasn't exclusively feminine pronouns, which strikes me as pretty odd considering how he's basically universally read as being gay, but it's whatever I suppose U_U Absolutely no shade to the fem/me aligned people that love him!! It just seems odd that everyone was like "he's gay!!" and then proceeded to not apply that to anything at all lmao

6) What are some tropes that fanart of your f/o tends to follow?

It's hard to find art where he's not sad or crying U_U like to be fair, he spent a great deal of his screentime being sad and crying hysterically but. but what if we just let him be happy 😫 also pining? Him thinkin bout/looking at his king he was pretty in love with, stuck with the knowledge that that man is just too het for him 😔 I mean obviously there's more too it but this is funnier

10) How did you feel when you realized "oh of course I had to like That Character"?

I already wrote a fairly long answer for this one, but the short version is that I didn't want these feelings but lost the receipt and couldn't give em back, then experienced the fastest slow burn on record as I, over the course of 3 months, slowly gave up when I realized that me wanting to kiss him and hold his hands wasn't something that was gonna go away U_U cannot believe how many actually great characters there are in this series and I went for the nasty bug, the mean blonde, it feels like I immediately went for the bottom of the barrel djjfkckf but regardless, I can't say I'm too upset about it now lmaoooo

12) Aren't you tired of being nice? This is an excuse to rant.

People claim to hate him, but I don't ever see any content of that, yall wanna bully him soooo bad but then never do it 😤 I was compiling hate comments during my rewatch of the anime bc a lot of them were hilarious, and I think people on this site need to amp it up a bit 😤 I love this man and 100% refuse to condemn bullying, he deserves it, I just feel like I don't see it enough lmao. I even contribute to it on my main occasionally lmaooooo, he's definitely not as hated as he used to be but enough people find him annoying that you'd really expect to see more people at least discussing that 🤔

[theseerasures]

Conspicuous Media Consumption, 2020

it’s that time of year again! *saddest toot from the party horn*

for those of you just joining us: it’s a “consume a different content every week for 48 weeks of the year” challenge. for a longer explanation, check out last year’s write-up here, and as always, feel free to pop in and ask questions about any and all of this content.

(same disclaimer as last year too: content for this project ONLY here, and not certain...*looks at my billion Sad Cop Lady posts*...hyperfixations.)

(man remember when i was big into X-Men comics earlier this year? better times than these, if only because no one's discoursing about Emma Frost’s woobie/war criminal ratio anymore--her w/w, if you will)

(...i swear at one point i didn’t exclusively like platinum blondes but alas)

Bitter Root (comic, 1 issue finished 1/1/2020): still very cool on a basic concept level, but runs into the Image Comics problem of just not having enough content to keep my interest beyond that. part of that is on me, for picking it up again BEFORE the second arc rolled out, but the first five issues didn’t really follow (or resolve) any cohesive story either, so...meh.

Immortal Hulk (comic, 3 trades finished 1/17/2020): still not gonna be something i care deeply about (maybe one of Bruce’s Hulksonas dyed his hair???), but i do want to give kudos to Al Ewing for sheer consistency in terms of sustaining this level of quality storytelling month by month for more than two years now. working with the dense archive of the Hulk mythos and managing to make it interesting and thoughtful is impressive even if i personally would not expend the same effort.

Disco Elysium (game, finished 1/18/2020): honestly i should have twigged onto what this year was gonna be like when the third thing i drew from the barrel was pure uncut Eastern European flavored depression. i faintly recall people ragging on it for being pretentiously cynical, but i actually thought its core slid more towards idealism than people give it credit for. also gratified that i haven’t heard anything about Robert Kurvitz using slave labor to finish it, which is a thing we have to say about our video games now!!! fun.

Watchmen (TV, 7 episodes finished 1/27/2020): i am a fool who wants to believe in Damon Lindelof and I WAS RIGHT!!! honestly still cannot believe that he pulled off this highwire act with such deft aplomb. might be my favorite TV this year, which is a pretty high bar given how much TV i ended up watching.

On a Sunbeam (comic, finished 2/1/2020): Tillie Walden rightly deserves all the praise for inventive queer storytelling, but i will say that on reread--since i first read this as a webcomic--there ARE some issues with pacing here that clearly come from the foibles of its original intended medium. still just excellent, even if after some plot significant haircuts i was having trouble telling a few folks apart.

Lazarus (comic, 1 trade finished 2/8/2020): it’s so good and i want moooooorrrreee--though obviously Rucka and Lark have the right to take all the time they need. the newer longer issues work really well with the epic prestige drama vibes of the story! i’m into it.

The Good Place (TV, 4 seasons finished 2/18/2020): i’m gonna be super honest: i actually wasn’t a big fan of the finale, nor the last season as a whole. it felt like all of Eleanor’s flaws vanished for a majority of the season, and the Chidi-centric episode where they tried to give a legible justification for why he’s Like This was...i didn’t care for it. still, it’s so good and unique on the WHOLE that we’ll literally never get anything like this ever again, and that counts for a lot.

The Old Republic (game, finished 2/21/2020): it’s an MMO so it will never actually Be Finished so long as the servers aren’t shut down, but i caught up on the content i’d missed in the intervening months. Onslaught thus far has mostly been...kinda bland tbh; going back to Imps vs. Rebs after all the shakeups in the previous expansions feels like a waste.

High Road (album, finished 2/22/2020): someone should tell Kesha not to say that word!! otherwise i was very happy with this album, and happy FOR her even though we don’t know each other. being able to find joy again in the same genre of music you made while you were being horrifically exploited is very cool.

Young Justice (TV, 13 episodes finished 2/28/2020): given how much the middle stuff dragged--STOP KILLING YOUR HIJABI CHARACTER IN HORRIFIC WAYS--i was...actually kinda mad by how the end managed to stick the landing anyway. the day being saved by Vic’s self-acceptance and Violet’s sublime compassion was A+, and even the Brion/Tara switchup was a pleasant surprise, though it relied on me caring about Brion MUCH MORE than i actually did.

Manic (album, finished 2/29/2020): do people still care for/about Halsey? i feel like even That One Song that was on every tumblr gifset ever has kinda faded into obscurity at this point. this album was...okay. i feel like people give Halsey a pass for extremely obvious lyrical turns that they wouldn’t for other folks because of her subject material--which is fine. not really my cup of tea, but i also listened to lots of Relient K this year, so that’s probably a good thing.

Jade Empire (game, 3/10/2020): the only 3D-era Bioware game that didn’t franchise out, and for good fucking reason!!! the Orientalism and appropriation really haven’t aged well, and even beyond that the story was...standard Bioware faire. even my usual “my wife’s a bitch i love her” Bioware type didn’t do it for me, and i just ended up romancing no one. it did make me think a lot about what level of cultural borrowing is accepted nowadays, and why: people still look fondly at Avatar and talk about how ~accurate and respectful it was, for example, despite it being staffed almost entirely by white folks, and the Orientalism ALL OVER the monk class in DND is still fine for some reason.

Alif the Unseen (book, finished 3/31/2020): interesting to have read this AFTER reading The Bird King last year, because it highlights how the intervening years have shifted G. Willow Wilson’s thematic interest and improved her craft. i’m actually quite fond of how her characterization work is rougher here--Alif is extremely flawed to the point of being insufferable, but it makes his development by the end more satisfying. Dina is also just good and i love her

Baldur’s Gate (2 games, finished 5/31/2020): well, having finally finished the series i’m happy to say that it...still doesn’t really do it for me, sorry. any awesome story moments were overshadowed by the EXCRUCIATING inventory management system and the combat (i still don’t know what a THAC0 is and at this point i’m afraid to find out). these games crucially lack the Home Base that later Bioware games were so good about, and that (coupled with the huge cast of characters you can drop off and never see again) really hurts the intimacy for me. by the time we finally did get one it was the Hell Dimension in Throne of Bhaal, and i was just...trying to get through it. (yes, i did just say that about one of the most beloved expansions ever to one of the most beloved games ever.) THIS particular iteration of “my wife’s a bitch i love her” was very good, but the game wouldn’t let me romance her :(

The Underground Railroad (book, finished 6/19/2020): honestly what is there even left to say at this point! it was exactly as good as every critic on the planet said it was, even with my usual aversion to hype. draining and horrifying in turns but still insistent upon a future for Black folks.

Steven Universe (6 seasons and a mooooooviiieeee, finished 7/11/2020): yes, i DID finish the show and almost immediately begin a rewatch. this series is now one of my top five most formative things, and the amount of love and respect i have for it is incalculable. that said: i once again did not love how the central conflict of Future was resolved (just the resolution--i loved the finale just fine). for all of Steven’s breakdown was built up, resolving it with “EVERYONE HUG HIM UNTIL HE CRIES” felt...cheap, especially since up until this point the show had been so good about treating trauma and mental illness with the respect and nuance it deserves. it made me wish some of the earlier, less substantial episodes had been cut so we could spend more time at the end.

What It Is (comic, finished 8/19/2020): y’all i love Lynda Barry SO MUCH. for the longest time i was worried that One Hundred Demons was more a lightning in a bottle situation but every book of hers i pick up makes me feel obscure emotions i didn’t even realize existed. the compassionate way she’s able to describe her child self and how weird and fucked up she was (and still is) is honestly aspirational.

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (TV, 5 seasons finished 9/26/2020): so here’s a reversal of what i’ve been complaining about with other shows: i was mostly lukewarm-to-warm about She-Ra, but the later seasons and the finale made me much more into it as a whole. more shows should improve in stakes and overall quality as they age tbh!! i still don’t actively love Catradora (my sole quibble with season 5 actually has to do with the way Adora kept backsliding as a character to make certain Plot/Relationship things happen), but i’m very happy for them nonetheless. i can certainly appreciate a show that will go for High Feeling over tight plot. dark horse standout moments: trees growing everywhere proving that Perfuma Was Right, and Hordak and Adora seeing each other--that weirdly intimate moment of recognition.

Fetch the Bolt Cutters (album, finished 10/7/2020): again i find myself not having much to say that no one else has said. it’s good! once again love it when an artist reclaims something they’d attached with negative affect (anxiety, depression, disordered eating) for better and brighter things.

Solutions and Other Problems (comic, finished 10/25/2020): i was very into Allie Brosh’s ambition with this book, which feels weird to say but i stand by it. it’s cool to see an artist try to make a new medium work for them instead of just sticking to what already works. not all the experimentation was 100% effective, but it was still delightful and occasionally devastating to read, so.

Legend of Zelda (3 games: Ocarina of Time, Majora’s Mask, Link Between Worlds, finished 11/1/2020): this was the third time i’d played Ocarina of Time, which made it the nice, comforting groove i settled into before Majora’s Mask blatted me in the face. i’m not usually a completionist Zelda person because...the gameplay in Zelda is bad, do not at me it just is, but i really felt like i HAD to be one for Majora’s Mask since the whole point is to get attached to the banalities of the town. i’m sure nobody’s surprised that i loved it, even if it gave me an existential crisis about how life goes on in the game for NPCs when you’re not there to save them from it, and there’s not enough time to save them all all the time (also not a surprise to anyone: Romani and Cremia gave Personal Feelings). Link Between Worlds...bad. not like in a “this is a bad story by every measurable gauge” way, but i was already struggling with the 2D playstyle shift enough that for the whole story to end with some “yes it’s v sad that Lorule is Like This but trying to steal Hyrule’s privilege is Even Worse Actually” noblesse oblige bullshit left a VERY poor taste in my mouth, this year of all years. i did audibly gasp when Ravio took off his mask, though. i’m currently playing Breath of the Wild in cautious increments; it’s the first time i’ve enjoyed early Zelda gameplay, but if they wanted fully voiced cutscenes i wish they got voice actors who...knew what words sound like.

folklore (album, finished 11/6/2020): my belief that Taylor Swift is Just Fine continues, i’m afraid. i LIKED this album, don’t get me wrong, and respect her constant drive to innovate, but i didn’t love it substantially more or less than any other Taylor Swift album. mostly i’m just tickled by how she thinks leaning into the indie aesthetic means borrowing Vita Sackville-West’s entire wardrobe, though i will admit to feeling Something when she swore in a song. i think it was like. savage vindication?? you go ahead and swear, Taylor Swift. you deserve it.

Shore (album, finished 11/19/2020): do people still care about the Fleet Foxes? i think there was some Drama with Josh Tillman a while back but i don’t remember where the discourse landed with who was being more problematic. it was nostalgic for me to listen to their new album--made me remember being an undergrad who exclusively listened to men who mumbled and played acoustic guitar all over again.

Star Wars (3 movies: original trilogy, finished 11/27/2020): there is So Much bad Star Wars these days that every time i rewatch the original trilogy i’m afraid that they will suddenly be bad, but guess what! they’re not. i love these children and their hot mess stories, i love that Lando doesn’t know how to say his best friend’s name. what stood out to me this time was the way Obi-Wan described the Force in A New Hope, which strongly implied that ANYONE can be Force Sensitive; that obviously faded with each subsequent movie, but part of me does wish they’d kept it.

X of Swords (comics, 22 issues finished 12/5/2020): i am enjoying Hickman’s X-lines!!! not so much here for the Grand Conspiracy or whatever, but the character work and highkey weirdness is fabulous--they FEEL like X-Men, despite all the shakeups in-universe. this crossover is a nice microcosm of all that: grandiloquently all over the place, but still full of cool standout moments and genuine hilarity. ILLYANA DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO SPELL MAGIC.

Fire Emblem (4 games: Sacred Stones, Path of Radiance, Radiant Dawn, Awakening, finished 12/14/2020): this was the thing that i was closest to giving up early on, but i ended up hyperfixating on it instead. that’s a credit to what the gameplay does to my lizard brain more than anything else, because the story and character writing is...insipid. it was very bizarre to witness this franchise blunder around with its animal-people racism allegory around the same time i was getting back into RWBY, and ITS animal-people racism allegory blunders. Awakening was the first time i felt anything for the franchise beyond “teehee red units disappear make exp bar go up and brain go ding,” so i’m excited for more mature storytelling in subsequent games (they MUST get better. they MUST). the child husbandry thing is...very bad tho, and Apotheosis being “challenging” entirely through the game changing all the rules is also bad.

once again no vidya games that came out this year--i’ll probably pick up Spiritfarer or Hades after the New Year, though (or maybe TLOU II! but probably not. sry Laura and Ashley). more TV and franchises this year, which made me feel In Touch with the Children but was also kinda exhausting. nothing was so egregiously terrible i dropped it without finishing! in a year like this that feels almost like an accomplishment

[neverheardnothing]

rewatching joe iconis and family lincoln center performance at 4 am instead of packing or sleeping just to feel something and i have so FEW and so MANY thoughts and yall are gonna hear em all. no i will not put this under a cut. im going to be an absolute bastard about this.

i love the story joe tells about why he's singing mitb as the first song so much. like. the spite of it all. the defiance of it all. the pride of it all. the dig it or fuck off and disappear of it all. the joe iconis of it all. 

“i know exactly the song im going to sing as my first song at the american songbook series.” i love that he highlights the fact that this is the american songbook series.

then immediately jumping right into broadway here i come with molly hager, the other song he is most known for!!!

every time i think about this performance i think about how this was the first (?) time this song was performed by them since the closing of bmc.

and then lance rubin comes up to sing try again. which is the only time that i know of that anyone but joe has sung this song.

i remember a remark made during watching it live that having someone else sing the song made it seem so clearly more about joe and his career. but also having lance sing it immediately makes me think of bbh closing early which yeah is part of joe’s career but also lance’s.

and also the line “if you’re an actor and another actor gets the part you auditioned for” reminds me of how lance found the auditioning process of acting and the whole [not acting part] of an acting career to be terrible which is why he quit to then become an author and the juxtaposition of him singing try again is Something. but also he DID try again he is just applying his efforts to a different creative field and it’s working out great for him. good for lance rubin.

lol i haven’t even talked about the actual performance aspect of this song anyways it’s very different from the two versions ive seen of joe doing it. he plays it a lot more comical. i love it.

sidenote not specific about this performance, but i love love LOVE the line and the music at “use the stairs, walk to the street. see the people, feel the heat, and apply yourself again.”

and also the line “when they cast you out to sea, there’s a lifeboat manned by me called try and try again” will never not make me think of bsol/last on land and bonus lance was also in that show! it just keeps circling around.

everything about these past 3 songs performed at this venue in this set list order in this moment at joe’s career is honestly so wonderful. like you had a songs about an anxiety attack, a suicide/loss of self in success, and repeated failures before this song all sung by individuals. two of these songs were written at points where joe felt frustrated/sad with his career. one written in the aftermath of specific frustration about the first closing of be more chill. one an actual song from bmc. like what a SETLIST for your first three songs! fucking michael in the bathroom, broadway here i come, and try again. truly something.

THE WHISKEY SONG!! i love hearing joe sing so much. while i think we can all agree he’s not the most skilled singer there’s something special about hearing a composer perform their own work. he adds like 3 levels of charm to make up for lack of singing skills lol. just a very charismatic guy.

lance rubin back on tamborine for the next bit of the song and he’s like laughing through it. not completely sure what he’s laughing about honestly but this Is a comedic song (after 3 real downers of songs) and also joe was playing it up.

jared weiss down on the floor with his guitar playing along. that’s its own bullet point.

audience cheering as more family members start coming on stage! i love that the band is getting cheers. love that!!!

the camera isn’t on him but from the audio, nick blaemire is presumably running around giving high fives to people in the audience.

i can’t exactly tell with the camera angle and the lighting but i think that more family members get up from different seats in the audience or at least enter in the back and walk through the audience to get to the stage during this instrumental break. reminds me of how joe loves theater that physically touches you. giving you high fives in this case.

love liz lark brown. she plays it pretty like. frenetic and frazzled. love it.

amara, badia, danielle, will, and nick are just chillin sitting on the steps of the stage. 100% contributes to the vibe of this song. top fuckin notch.

SOMEONE screams AH during the drunk part of the song and i cannot figure out who but it gives me so much life.

jared pulling lance down to the floor with him.

jason going “man.... this place is a dump” like i LOVE the irreverence.

everyone actually getting back up and also converging On the stage during the (kind of) acapella break.

and now your whole gang is up on the stage at the fancy ass appel room singing your what sounds like a mostly upbeat fun song but is actually about self medication with alcohol and it’s a fucking jam. i love the 3 solo songs and then bringing in everyone for a big group number.

sidenote not about this specific performance: the lyrics “i’ll pour some more and then—AND THEN?—i’ll pass out and then—AND THEN!” the and thens were not on the things to ruin album and i wonder why not ALL the time. was it just deemed extraneous? or was this an innovation after the album was recorded?

i love that you can see the band singing along.

yesterdays / i can’t relate. i love this song i fucking love it. i love the synthy keyboard that was an active choice made. which means that joe is not the one accompanying jared in this song.

jared: i hate today. joe: *snorts in the background*

“i like music you can hold” -> old records black suits, susannah’s obsession with music which was of course in vinyl format back then

will once said hearing lgw was very exciting because he’s first and foremost a fan of joe’s so he was hearing a new joe song for the first time and the world got just a bit larger and i think about that quote a lot in relation to this song because i was like Oh i Get What He Means now because this is the first new joe song i heard since like getting into his work and i felt that world getting a bit bigger.

jared’s monotone chorus on top of the girls underneath is so good. it’s so fucking good i cannot.

liz lark brown velociraptor fuckin classic. specifically in this performance the weird ass electric guitar noise at “there’s a dinosaur” is SO good. i love it.

i know people say Trans Vibes from next song (jeff) but this song also gives me trans vibes. i think joe inadvertently writes stuff trans people relate to because of his propensity to write for People Who Are Different.

people cheering as will takes off his jacket hell yeah.

i am way more used to the jeremy morse version of this song and really consider it more his so it’s so fun to hear will sing it.

i love the canon of the “oh”s so much.

after will sings “i go to the window looking out and what do i see? myself just staring back at me.” and someone in the audience AUDIBLY goes “oh.” like what a MOMENT. way more subtle than when someone screamed “WHAT” at the “naked korean girl” reveal during the pipe night performance but on the same tier of Great Audience Reactions.

smooth fuckin gliss bro i love it. arms out by side. i love it.

Classic Jason Sweettooth Williams Singing Helen. but this time they added like some REAL like. oh god i have no idea how to describe it. electric crunchy electric guitar noises. and it’s so good.

i havent mentioned this yet but in the background of every song people who are not in it or are backup vocals are just sitting and jamming along and it’s so nice because me fuckin too.

honest to god just have to give a timestamp for this but bullet point for whatever the fuck eric is doing in the background here.

will and katrina circling each other singing directly into each other’s faces. so good.

the Unexpected dynamic change and following crescendo i am Living.

katrina rose dideriksen riffing up top. yes. YES.

joe starting to play helen sharp and then forgetting part of his introduction to the song is so good.

the inevitable laughter at any performance of this song at “it is not lost on me you’re all here at my show”

i know nothing about the movie death becomes her so i honestly always just think about joe when this song gets performed. also thinking about how in the youtube premiere of this song, joe was talking about how lauren was shouting out the names of all the musical theater composers joe is jealous of.

right place/wrong time. i read a bsol review a while ago about how katrina rose dideriksen was underutilized and gotta say i Agree holy Shit let her sing More.

i also remember how joe once said this song felt the most personal to him and that he cried when writing it

police siren piano.

the first time in this entire song they sing in sync is at the line “i wonder if his/her life is just like mine” and i just start screaming.

when eric and katrina turn to each other for the first time and start singing At each other!!!!!!!!!!!

honey! thinking about jen ash tep talking about how Each performance of this song gets Wilder and Wilder.

love it when nick just gets off the stage and starts singing to people in the audience. apparently one of the people was will’s mom lol.

ACAPELLA BREAK!!!!!! joe just fully gets up from piano and starts WILDLY clapping along!!!!

woman of a certain age! i remember when the live show happened the album had not come out yet and then when the yt premiere of it happened it Had been out for a week or so.

piano note elevator bell

the electric guitar is doing some fucking weird ass things in this song and i am living so fucking much for it.

the riffs badia does are so fucking incredible i immediately paused this video to go and watch her sing big fat ruby again just because i wanted more badia content.

the story behind old flame is so good and joe waiting until the last fuckin moment to give her the song is so fuckin funny.

i love love love these types of joe songs that are like 7 minute long story epics like right place/wrong time and the actress and ammonia and old flame.

“the best way to get past the past is to shoot it in the head” and then the audience cheers and i fucking love it. my commentary is getting shorter. it’s 6 am and i’m tired can you tell. i also just had a lot of thoughts about this early on and less thoughts about later on.

revolution song. the deep ass fucking electric bass is So good i Will go apeshit. like honestly that might be my favorite smaller detail of this song. like i imagine if i were in the room it might be loud and deep enough that i could feel it In my chest. like you can Feel the revolution coming.

i love the faster tempo revolution song has in the cabaret version.

i also love the cabaret specific lines of “evolution in the institution”

joey is a punk rocker was honestly not ever on the list of songs i thought would get performed here but im so glad that they did. like the obvious choice would have been veins for annie golden but they went this route. obsessed with this choice. obsessed with the fact that amphibian replaced this song as the act 2 opener. obsessed that annie is the one singing this.

i am never not screaming about wave and yall know this. just throwback to me losing it in the tags in a reblog of picture of the wave passage going on about how it really does mirror joe’s career and bmc specifically. and again this song being performed for the first (?) time since bmc closed makes the “so today on a hill in las vegas” and onward part SO fucking sad i literally just started crying. the entire song being in past tense up until that part. i will just go die now.

will in the yt premiere talking about texting the line “our energy would simply prevail” in the leadup to bmc coming back.

find the bastard. for some reason when this happened live i thought it was gonna be outlaw that was performed. 

i swear to god it is literally physically impossible for me not to AT LEAST mouth along to “what’s your name, what’s your name” during this song

NAMES ARE FOR ACCOUNTANTS.

MY NAME IS AWFUL LONG AS IT’S THE LYRICS OF THIS SONG.

the goodbye song. it’s never not sad. i love love love that this song is the final song every concert. i also love the recent lore of finding out that penny dreadfuls was the encore song at concerts before they became too long and it had to get cut.

finally gonna mention the background car lights. what a beautiful backdrop.

also since im always on my wrol bullshit i love how fucking clearly you can hear him at the end

accelerando accelerando accelerando. insert [joe iconis peaked when he wrote the accelerando in the goodbye song post of mine].

katrina singing an octave up is always SO fucking impressive i am so impressed by her voice she is so fucking good i love her so much

the bows are so fucking sweet i love them.

goodnight it’s 7 am.

[thethirdwheel404]

Med Rewatch Series (#5)

S3 e3: Trust Your Gut. From what I remember this is a big one. I just remember this episode title honestly but we’ll see what happens.

-look at that! ava’s just casually in this scene, minding her own business, doing her job! you would never guess that this is a character who would later have a psychotic break and commit suicide.

-that’s really the point i’m trying to make. I hate all those posts where they’re like ‘i hated ava before, but season 4 has finally shown her true colors’ like not even?? no??? we’re trying to prove that that was never even a thing. i want to eliminate the possibility of s4 happening from your minds. nothing from s3 should ever be used as foreshadowing. that’s what the rewrite is about, ava being a good character. ava was never going to commit suicide. she was never gonna go psychotic. that should be ingrained in everyone’s minds.

-anyways, back to the episode.

-connor takes everything like a personal attack. relax

- i never realized how fun stoll was. like obviously not in the story but as a character he’s hilarious. unattached by everyone else’s drama

-awww. this maggie interaction is amazing. tapping sarah on the shoulder (neck actually but whatever) just to say hi. adorable. and sarah is already super jumpy. come on. her anxiety is already setting in. they really gave sarah two huge storylines in the same season.

-maggie... no one else would ever slash sarah’s tires. i mean honestly

-WHY DOES CONNOR HAVE TO CONTROL OF EVERYTHING - honestly ava was just reading off the chart and he can’t even let her do that he has to take over just to say the same things.

-and the way ava just takes it with her smug smile

-she is such a strong character there is no reason she would have gone crazy over connor she literally needs nothing from him.he has not ever had anything that she needed. 

- SHE’S JUST ROLLING HER EYES, SMIRKING, AND SHAKING HER HEAD AT THIS INSECURE MAN ava I love you.

-okay there’s no way i can explain it but after rolling her eyes at connor Ava turns and looks at the patient and instantly her face changes and you can see such pure concern in her eyes?? s4 ava could never (can someone please rb with a picture of what i’m talking about? it’s uncanny and so so sincere.)

- she’s in control of her emotions. she cares so much for her patients so don’t even try to play that card. the only thing connor has done literally since she got here is get in her way.

-AND CONNOR LOOKS AT HER WITH SUCH DISTRUST AND CONTEMPT. TELL ME HOW. this is insane. exasperating.

-and the way she smiles and comforts the patient. i mean come on. she’s just so amazing. AND COMFORTING. if ava really was as heartless as people say, she wouldn’t take the effort to do that. connor didn’t even do that, he just scowls at ava.

-which just proves my point, ava is only ever mean to people who she thinks deserve it. and, the more that I think about it, she’s never really actually mean. sure, she’s blunt and rude, but never cutting. she’s nice to her patients (and I know what you’re going to say, it’s not because she has to be. she’s a doctor, she still wants to help people). but when her patients are dicks, she’s not nice to them. she’s as snarky with as she’s professionally allowed to be.

-like, take this guy. he seems nice enough. he’s funny, polite, comes across charming, so ava is nice and is polite back to him.

-let’s move on.

-why is connor always so suspicious of ava. come on. he’s the one who should be sus. she literally said ‘Don’t worry, Ray, we’ll take good care of you’ and he’s giving her this weird side eye.

-ethan and will being in this board meeting is really adorable to me. like, just, bros.

-oh godddd sarah please relax. sweetie. please.

-sarah fucking tranqed him oh my god

-oh my god noah asking people for help literally shut the fuck up

-straight people are gross. not to hate but how does anyone sit through manstead

-connor literally needs to chill. I know this bit (they’re arguing over menial things in surgery) plays more to them just picking on each other, pulling each other’s pigtails on the playground if you will (i didn’t like that analogy but I used it anyway), but if you look at it, ava was only trying to help connor (suggesting a wider possible target and an easier to handle stitch) and connor took it wayyy to personally. sure the second bit of advise is just poking at him, but she suggested a better spot on the base and he shut her down without any thought.

-and then latham points out that there is no point in arguing, to which ava defers, then connor snidely says ‘Thank you, Doctor, Now, how about from here on out we keep the background noise to a minimum’ and ava just shakes her head, scoffing.

-at this point ava just likes annoying connor because its fun. it’s entertaining. he gets so upset. everyone’s done that, just be annoying for fun (its bad to say but i mean come on everyones done it)

-another point, ava immediately deferring to latham might read to some as her being a suck up but that’s not what it is.

-ava really likes seeing how close to the line she can get. she goes right up to it, but she never crosses it. the same is true with her interactions with other people outside of surgery.

-I really like this story of the girl who passed out and hit her head, and her brother’s a wreck, and her parents obviously think the brother’s a disappointment. and it was finals week so of course she wasn’t taking care of herself. and the brother knew that, and you can tell he cares so much and feels so bad. it’s nice

-complication on the surgery they were working on. ava comes in with a solution (off of connor’s mistake during surgery after not following her advice) but I have a sneaking suspicion that by the end connor will be back on top

-the effort it took connor to say ‘it’s a good idea’ come on man just fucking let it go

-i’m glad we’ve all agreed that connor’s just a dick

-aw look at that she even held the door for him. connor would never

-i don’t want to overly push the ‘med is sexist’ thing but how is it that in a storyline between nat and ethan, characters who have never been romantically involved, they still pull the woman thinks one thing, man refuses to believe it and is right dynamic. i mean come on med seriously. what the fuck is wrong with you.

-the look of annoyance and disbelief on ava’s face that connor hadn’t actually messed up. comedic, but also i get your pain.

-glad that latham sides with ava, ava advocating for a riskier procedure so they could ensure the blockage is removed)

-(something could be said about ava’s high-risk, high-reward ideals. you could even draw the parallel to events in s4 and s5, even though I really don’t want to. it’s an interesting and notable character trait to say the least)

-YOOOO I FORGOT HOW METAL THE PSYCH STORY GETS

-dude straight up cuts his abdomen open and his intestines spill out

-the fear and shock and emotion on sarah’s face make me feel so bad for her

-WAIT IS THIS THE EPISODE WHERE SHE LOSES THE END OF THE INSTRUMENT? IS THAT WHAT THIS IS? i am not prepared to watch an ava bekker breakdown rn.

-the shock on ava’s face when connor said nice job.

-ava actually tried to apologize to connor. well, not apologize but she feels a little bit bad for just how abrasive she’s been to connor. (connor didn’t necessarily have to make it super competitive). Ava said “Look, I know i have the tendency to step on toes. it’s nothing personal”

-and now they’re not arguing and are this close to actually working like a team

-and i cannot believe connor’s big one-liner is ‘Murphy’s law’

-the emotion on april’s face when the girl’s parents won’t even let her brother grieve for her. I feel it. astounding. its so painful omg

-ava: “your optimism is enchanting.” when i was writing earlier I was worried I wasn’t being accurate with her dialogue and making it sound too overly formal but i guess I nailed it. also, this line reinforces how much I love her (so does every other line)

-connor just refusing to give ava anything, no credit, no nothing. doesn’t even give her credit for earning the surgery saying “you may have elbowed your way onto the case, but he is still my patient” (I JUST TRANSITIONED INTO A QUOTE SO SMOOTHLY WHY CANT I DO THAT IN MY LANG RHETORICAL ANALYSIS ESSAYS YOU’RE KIDDING)

-hey it’s joey!

- i can appreciate him so much more when he’s not chasing after reese

-do you remember their first meeting? bickering over who gets the last splenda? (real meet cute amirite)

-dr. charles remarking how all the scientific advances can’t beat human instinct, nice little tie in to the episode title

-ava just smiling while connor waits for her to apologize. she. takes. no. shit.

-i literally hate connor’s face so much. it fucking looks predatory like stop looking at her like that. it’s almost like you were planning her psychotic break

-ava’s cunning, saying ‘we’ instead of ‘i’ when talking about the decisions being made. she’s smart. she knows what to do. She knows how to present herself. (and yeah, a little hypocritical that she said to connor ‘when you fail, I will make sure that it is noted that it was your fault and not mine,’ but like I said, she just knows how to present herself)

-latham: “Dr. Bekker seems to enjoy this discordance.”

-rhodes’ face when changing his mind and saying ‘maybe I do’ when asked if he enjoyed it too - he literally makes the dumbest faces. please. stop. (is it a straight people thing?)

Alright. Another episode down. 17 to go. This was actually a pretty good episode all around. Ava took none of connor’s shit and you’d have to squint to find any sort of romantic subtext in their interactions, which is huge win in my book. reese’s storyline wasn’t too bad, she didn’t go through too much trauma, which, the bar for watching med is incredibly low i guess. This was a really good episode for ava. like I said before, very little romantic subtext, and she had a redeeming quality in the way she obviously cared for her patient at the beginning of the episode.

The main point is something I’ve been reiterating again and again. Ava cares about her patients. Ava is mean to connor because she knows someone needs to put him in his place, and she is glad that it is her.

All in all, this was a pretty good Ava episode. Very happy.

thanks for sticking with it.

-

read the rest here:

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra

[butterflydm]

2020 (what a weird year)

I did not get very much done this year at all. The business I work for got us all classified as essential workers which... tbh, I did not agree with as a categorization. It’s meant that hours per week stayed the same, but my anxiety levels at work skyrocketed. And most of the time, after getting home, I basically had enough energy to check some stuff online but I mostly needed to decompress by doing something familiar, which I’ve been doing by replaying FFX and FFX2, and my brain mostly hasn’t had room for anything new. Which is a shame for all the plans I had to watch tons of new media! I had a long list of things I wanted to check out and I haven’t really watched any of it.

I did get a chance to watch a few new things (as always, tbh, any recs of mine are basically ‘you will like this thing, if this is the kind of thing you like’):

The Old Guard: Really enjoyed this movie. It’s been out for a while now, but if you haven’t had a chance to watch it, it was a fun, easy watch that also made me think some interesting philosophical questions about life. A good time! It’s honestly the only movie I watched during the 2020 pandemic period, unless I get around to watching anything else in the next couple of days.

MXTX’s Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System: I love love this story. I’ve watched the donghua (looking forward to S2!) and read the translation by BC Novels, and the story just has so many things that make my heart go ‘yes!’: it’s funny, with a charming PoV character who both doesn’t take himself too seriously and also seriously misunderstands himself in a lot of ways -- very relatable. It’s dramatic AF, with romantic lead Luo Binghe at the heart of a lot of that drama. It’s clever and I love the way the premise is used for both humor and pathos.

Tone-wise, it reminds me of works like Galaxy Quest or Northanger Abbey. Honestly, that light tone helps in some of the later chapters, which have content that is actually very dark and very heartbreaking if taken seriously, but because of the momentum of the story and the tone of the narrative, I didn’t feel like I got lost or bogged down in the darkness.

And I love the relationship between Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe a whole heck of a lot. I think the way it’s structured is clever and sweet and sad and makes for an interesting story. There is an element of an unintentional romantic obsession that SQQ created by the way he flipped between kind and cruel (against his will, which is what makes it forgivable for the audience, imo, because SQQ wanted to always be kind, though not always for the most selfless of reasons) and how LBH had to try to mentally justify/rationalize how the same man could act in such completely opposing ways. And the narrative symmetry between how SQQ thinks of LBH as the center of the universe because he’s the OP Protagonist (!) but LBH thinks of SQQ as the one that everything revolves around and how that’s narratively true because, of course, in the story that we’re reading, SQQ is the protagonist and LBH is his love interest.

I also actually really appreciated the bad sex near the end of the novel -- sex-to-save-the-world is a trope that can easily get romanticized but here it’s (literally) painful and ugly instead, as all of LBH’s trauma pairs with the influence of Xin Mo on his mind. Even through the translation, it definitely feels like bad sex written well, rather than badly-written sex that is supposed to be good, if you know what I mean. Sex can be an important narrative tool in stories and I feel like MXTX uses it very effectively here.

I think I burnt through the entire translation in just a few days. I’ve been reading a lot of fanfic afterwards and I think my favorite so far is I Wish You Were My Husband by Feynite. It’s an AU but it keeps the same kind of vibe as the original story.

Bridgerton: Goodness, so enjoyable! Julia Quinn is not My Most Favorite of the various romance writers that I read but she was one of the first writers that really got me back into reading romance and it was delightful to see her world on screen. I don’t picture people when I’m reading novels; I have to have a visual first and then I can carry that into the reading, so it was nice to be able to assign faces to some of these characters that I’m already very fond of. Simon and Daphne had a nice amount of chemistry and I loved the Bridgerton family relationships.

I hope they get to cover all the romances in the series and continue to do some updating as well -- I generally liked the changes they made to Simon and Daphne’s romance (a few I wasn’t as into but could see why they’d done it -- mostly For The Drama). And I really loved what they did with Simon and Lady Danbury’s relationship. It took me some time to tell the three older Bridgerton brothers apart but that’s pretty much canon, lol. Anyway, I was invested enough in it all that I stayed up all night on Christmas eve to watch it all and I had no regrets afterward.

I started watching S2 of TharnType but then my work schedule changed and I was working on Fridays and (see above) I just didn’t have the energy to watch anything after work. I might wait and binge the rest of the series once it’s all out, now that it’s gone this long without me being caught up.

I do think I’ll take a break from Critical Role for a while, after it comes back. I’ve just come to an unfortunate place where the show literally cannot win with me re: the romances, as I’m annoyed when they happen but also, perversely, annoyed when they get ignored because my brain goes “they gutted beaujester for this limited amount of inferior romance? At least commit to giving an adequate amount of the romances that I dislike!”. And so it becomes a vicious circle. Good sign that it’s time to take a break. My unhappiness with one part of the show is overshadowing everything else and maybe some time away will change that. Or maybe I just need to pick it up again with campaign 3. I guess I’ll see how it goes. I also admit that I’d hate to pick up the show again only to have Lucien get killed off in a few episodes.

I want to try to watch some more shows in 2021, and maybe I’ll have time, if I’m freeing up several hours every Thursday.

I want to watch Heaven Official’s Blessing and I’ve had a translation of the novel on my phone for the entire year and I really do want to read it as well. I’d like to watch Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo’s new shows (The Wolf & The Legend of Fei) as the gifsets I’ve seen have been interesting and enjoyable, and there are a bunch of shows that I’d gotten recommendations about after watching TharnType that I still want to check out too. Plus, I have the new Stormlight Archives book and I want to read that as well. So, there’s quite a list.

It’s still probably gonna be quite stressful at work for a while, at least until I’ve had a chance to get the vaccine, but at least I am going back to Thursdays & Fridays as my days off at the start of the year, so I’m looking forward to that. I’m also hoping to get back to my detailed rewatch of The Untamed, because that was so much fun but I did not have enough brain this year to do any more of it.