#i cant even catch a normal screenshot

[shinkaishoujo103]

ASK GAME UM. IZUMI

(ask game here!)

RAE. RAE SHAKING YOU. STARING YOU INTO THE EYES. ARE YOU SERIOUS. IZUMI FUCKING SENA OF ALL PEOPLE. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG THAT WOULD TAKE. HOW MUCH I HAVE TO SAY. do you even know anything about whatever the fuck i have going on with him. do you even. well allow me to elaborate then

First impression

The earliest opinion of him i can remember is "I don't hate him but he's extremely funny to bully on" i think so. let's say this is first impression. oh how did it go downhill from now on. this is so funny actually. oh my god. past me had NO idea

Impression now

How even am i supposed to express that. what i feel about that man is so. so MIXED i cant put it into words. basically i hate him but i love him but i need to push him off a cliff but i am oh so extremely down bad for him but he's the fucking worst asshole ever but why is he so fucking pretty and his voice dear god but whY EVEN DO I LOVE HIM DEAR GOD I HATE HIS ASS and it just goes on and on

Honestly. i may act kinda tsundere with him ngl. act like i hate him (which i DO. btw.) but sometimes it slips and hum. we do not talk about that. but its funny since hes a tsundere himself

Also i think he should stop being down bad for leo for at least one second please but also they should make out (saku stop izuleoing everything challenge impossible. im sorry it gets worse from now on.)

Favorite moment

Good question. I have no idea. Does izuleo scenes cou- /gets shot

Oh can i say the like 2 cards where he's a sad pathetic crying wet cat. I love those. I think we need more of this genre of sena. Because he deserves it

Look at him. Absolutely utterly pathetic. I love when he's like that happyele should make him cry more methinks

Im guessing actual snippets of the stories would be more accurate as to "moments" but i dont have any screenshots and no way im gonna go all the way to get those so

...so does anyone still want to see my favorite izuleo moments any- /gets shot

...

WELL TOO BAD! YOU CAN'T STOP ME!

These two are like. My absolute two most favorite izuleo quotes + these two, relating to the second one

...oh my god i izuleoed this ask game IM SO SORRY I SWEAR TO GOD I GENUINELY DIDNT EVEN REALIZE I JUST NEEDED TO TALK ABOUT THESE TWO SOMEHOW OH MY GOD i am way too izuleopilled for this world oh my fucking absolute god i need to be put down methinks

Idea for a story

MMM i have a lot of story ideas but not sure if i have anything sena focused enough to tell about it here mmm.......

So what about something knights focused instead? Is that okay

Well, ideally, it would be more for an otome game methinks...because yeah its like. knights x reader or however im supposed to put it. yeah i think about them normally i swear

But basically its set in a royal setting and like-

Mc is the prince/princess/gender-neutral-term (what is it help) of a kingdom

Sena is their personal knight (and childhood friend)

Naru is their personal maid (and childhood friend)

Tsukasa is the prince from another kingdom and like. his father and the mcs put these two in an arranged marriage so the overall "plot" of the. story(?) would be that mc goes on dates with kasa to get to know him (but ofc the other charas butts in)

I genuinely have no idea what role ritsu is i just need him to visit the mc at night by sneaking into the castle on an almost daily basis does anyone get me

And leo is just your average town bard who one day catches mcs eyes

I already kiiinda have the beginning of a plot but then. i. got stuck on ritsu. yeah.

Unpopular opinion

.......honestly i have no idea help??

Im not even sure what opinion of mine would be considered "unpopular"

...oh my god im gonna izuleo this again im so sorry but

I generally see more people treat leo as the "down bad one" in izuleo and like. yes. he is. but

Sena is just as bad. Just as fucking bad. Just you know that. His tsundere demeanor might hide it better but personally i see right fucking through it

Theyre both so fucking down bad for eachother actually thats the thing. And i hate it. I fucking hate it out here

Favorite relationship

Come on. Look me in the eyes and dare tell me you have no idea. Yes you do. You absolutely know. How can you not.

...its izuritsu of course (JOKE JOKE JOKE)

MORE SERIOUSLY who expected me to say izuleo. Everyone? As you should. I better be known as the izuleo girl here or else i am Ready to become more annoying about them. Hey actually recently i was like this

(its 6:51pm by the time im writing this)

By nothing to express about i meant. No brainrot like. At all. For once. Since usually there's always a brainrot to accompany my izuleo moods. But no there i was simply being crazy about them Just Like That

Favorite headcanon

I generally dont have much headcanon and when i do i tend to forget about them so uh. I dont really have anything much ngl

Ig the first thing that comes to mind is he/she/they agender sena

But even then i usually dont use my gender hcs that much and just stick to the canon. Im simple-minded like that. I greatly support other peoples hcs though!

[sheepinthebigcity]

okay fine. ALL OF THEM. GO.

YOU'RE INSANE (am i even in that many fandoms)

the character everyone gets wrong

mad ducktor. enough said

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

i'm presuming they meant dom or sub in this regard anyway i feel like all my faves are like lame ass switches and honestly i am SO tired of seeing them as always dom. boring behavior.

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

honestly i'm just tired of seeing takes in 2023 about my girl faves and how they're annoying and get in the way of either yaoi ships or selfships...

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

not to go back into ducks again but i remember when the animaniacs reboot dropped i made a mutual with this super annoying person on twitter who kept talking about yakko warner and milk and about a week later an acquaintance of mine asked me how long i knew them and then said "we think that your new mutual is cannedtins"

5. worst discord server and why

im not in bad discord servers im normal 0:-)

i do have a lot of osc and em servers muted tho <:-D

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

a looooooot of shippers are annoying LOL. as far as not freak ships go, i sure do have a lot of hate in my heart for fenro... but are fenro fans annoying.... idk. i curate myself a lot.

WAIT NO JOIKE GOD THOSE GUYS ARE SO ANNOYING

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

i CANT just say mad ducktor again.... but honestly? 4 and X bfdi.....

9. worst part of canon

closing time being canon to catch 22

10. worst part of fanon

i hate when fanon unanimously agrees on a gender and sexuality headcanon for a character especially when it's one i relate to and i could make their gender and sexuality so so so so much weirder...

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

at least a dozen? i dont like a lot of popular fandoms.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

i feel like all my unpopular faves are unpopular for good reason. i may not like the reason but im alone in my happiness.

anyway fanny bfb you should like her because she has a rough exterior and a soft interior.

13. worst blorboficiation

the guys from one but i dont mind too much because it's one.

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time

i see a lot of x reader shit and it always feels like every reader is like. the same 19 year old girl. and man we're different in every way.

15. that one thing you see in fanart all the time

cat ears

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

honestly i guess i get it bc they're both protags but spifan... it's kind of... BORING to me! no offense to ppl who do like it but i find myself more into prufan and pacome x zorglub....

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

sheep in the big city fic and art that doesn't suck

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

honestly i'm in so many fandoms where there's a hero x villain old man ship and in SO MANY OF THEM it is ignored.... SAD!

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

let's just say there's a certain ship that goes against so many of my principles and yet i've shipped it for over a decade and got good friends to ship it too and leaf it there

20. part of canon you found tedious or boring

whatever the hell fireafy was doing in nubfb

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

clive dove professor layton. unwound future has better aspects

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

i think ppl should pay more attention to misa in death note

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

i used to hate mei x red son from monkie kid and now it's my top otp LOL

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

"stop watching kid shows" these ppl aren't watching kid shows they are JUST watching owl house if they were wathcing kid shows i'd have someone to talk about rocketeer 2019 with

[ophiocordyceps]

time for a bunch of screenshots of my ultrakill ramblings because i officially have big time brainrot. will put under a readmore so there isnt a million screenshots with their exact content pasted in just in your face

[text: hey girl i’m putting so much thought into robot circulatory systems you wouldn’t even be able to imagine (reacted to with broken heart emoji)

i stand by the idea that machines in ultrakill often have artificial hearts

refueling (except for v1) is basically the same as getting a blood transfusion

they’ve got special ports for doing it but their major 'veins' (tubes in roughly the same regions as the human veins most often used for IV lines, at least in the humanoid ones) are all made of a self sealing material in case they have to be punctured in an emergency

usually the dedicated port would be on the chest or occasionally the crook of the arm but as long as you can assume it's an analog to a vein its fine. 'arteries' are no-go zones however because they’re just as pressurized as an actual human artery and will pump out blood readily

they’re more durably built than the 'veins' in order to keep them intact but they cant seal back up if damaged badly enough. the veins only re-seal for small punctures like needle sticks anyways

the IV ports can function as their own infusion pumps as well in case rapid transfusion is necessary and external equipment isn’t available

v1 is extremely weird i don’t know how it works except that it's circulatory system is partially modeled after some kind of open system. like how invertebrate circulatory systems work. i have no fucking clue whats up with it but i’m thinking about it now

it’s not totally open though because that would mean there’s a LOT of free fluid just. in there

this motherfucker runs on osmosis

its probably more correct to say diffusion than osmosis but um fuck you

anyways as you can tell i’m (frothing at the mouth emoji) /end text]

[text: tangent time i think there’s probably several 'almost-v1's that were like prototypes that just. kinda didn’t work

v1 itself is a prototype but its the one that actually accomplished what it was designed to do

its predecessors may or may not even still be around

they could have been scrapped. who knows /end text]

[text: every day i am very normal and oh so regular about v2 being a peacekeeper btw. i think about this a normal amount and will continue to think about this a normal, average amount

^i may have completely made up this in my brain but i’m sticking with it

anyways i don’t know how i never found this (’this’ being the second V2 terminal entry, text pasted below) on the wiki i’m rotating it so fast:

“After its defeat and escape, V2 dove deeper into Hell, killing other machines for their blood to help its recovery with the intent of taking revenge on V1 and recovering its original arm.After finding a temporary replacement from one of its victims, V2 used parts from other machines to transform the new placeholder arm into a mobility tool that would allow it to catch up to V1's fast descent into the deeper layers.In order to prepare for their second and final encounter, it researched the combat data from their previous battle to copy strategies and techniques from the older and more experienced V1 to give itself an upper hand.However, despite all its preparation, V2 lost again, and unable to escape this time, was brought to a swift and decisive end by its predecessor.”

yeah i think i totally made up that detail but there’s something about a war machine who's intended purpose became so completely irrelevant that it is instead reworked to function in times of peace in whatever possible role would be available that's so .

as opposed to kill kill bite maim explode v1 /end text]

[text: v2 IS a war machine and totally capable of fulfilling that role whenever but since there was no need for war machines by the time it was prototyped it’s not bound by any singular hard-coded mission. it’s like when the military makes something it absolutely intends on using for killing and then it’s just. no longer necessary, like at all. never gets used as intended. maybe gets recycled for something else entirely but i don’t know if the military does that because i don’t care about the military. but you understand what i’m saying here

i have so many thoughts about. funny robot

put v2 back in there. please. girl please survive

hakita i love your product but i’m gonna have to go and ignore this one (followed up by a screenshot of part of the ultrakill wiki stating “Due to the constant rumors that V2 actually survived the second fight in [ 4-4: CLAIR DE SOLEIL ], Hakita (fortunately or unfortunately) confirmed that V2 is 100% Dead.”) /end text]

[text: so yeah thinking about it again v2 wasn’t built with the actual intent of it being a peacekeeper but it chose to be one and stuck with that for (indeterminate amount of time because the timeline of events in ultrakill is barely anything)

and then things got fucky. and it was kinda like well. shit. and started getting more aimless. and then v1 showed up and put sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much spite into it

go girl give us nothing (apathy and spitefulness)

watch how hard i can make shit up /end text]

anyways im 100% sure these arent proper image ids but hopefully they work well enough if the images cant be read for one reason or another. also the icon im using in the server i sent these in was drawn by @/antibio go look at their art it fucks

[le-gug]

BUT IM DYING FOR THIS MOMENT HSAGJKUGHNOJV

i mean dying bc its adorable lol

[aeirs-moved]

miyuki is so interesting because we dont get to see most of what he thinks, but from what we do get to see how he thinks and how he acts is so different like theres strategic purpose behind it mostly but i think especially as the series goes on and he becomes captain like i think that gap only gets bigger... the scene with kuramochi and miyuki in the yips arc where miyuki says two different things like its so insane. also the gay reading of that scene makes me lose my marbles slightly like you gave kuramochi sghit for caring about sawamura when he cant pitch right but truly you do want him back you want to cvatch for him again and like all prioritizing the team over individuals aside you really truly care for him like AHHHHHHHHHHHH..... like i think people who over yaoify dna are weird and gross for the most part but not going to lie they are a little gay. sorry. miyuki in particular like when i go through the dna tags and see so many x reader freaks talkinga bout f!reader x him like girl.. a) he's literally a high schooler be normal im begging b) he would be a terrible boyfriend all he thinks about is baseball basically he doesnt even have other hobbies like sawamura or kuramochi or anyone like that guy is kind of a loser and c) HES SO GAY BRO like did we watch the same anime. that guy is. wait hold on

llike cvome on. literally the oikawa effect tbh. anyway like yeah i think his chaeracter is really interesting because hes so interestingly written like HES SO COOL except hes mean and annoying and twisted but like he is so awesome his batting skills his catching skills etc.... like i usually feel a little weird about talking about him in any way that remotely approaches liking him because a) he pisses me off and b) people are soooo fucking weird about him. why does this happen with like every sports anime i like like every anime boy i enjoy is enjouyed almost exclusively by insane weirdo freaks; aomine sakusa etc like bro i would like to see some cute fanart of my favorite guy miyuki lolllll *x reader* *weird yaoi fanart* *x reader* *more weird yaoi fanart* *post that isnt even abour him that was tagged as every dna character* like brooooooooooo..... i just realized how long i made this post by accident omg. sorry my keyboard is so fucking pretty and it amkes sucvh nice sounds like the l8ttle piuece of foamn that came witgh my beads of which i am making lizards and such out of i put it under my keyboard and it makes it a little less slammy siounding and its so nice and it chganges colors and i am definitekly still on the high side but like taptaptaptap etc like its so good. what was i talking about... miyuki yes i know him :-) we need a miyuki spinoff of dna or episode or arc or chapter or whatever bnecause i think more people need to know what hes about... because honestly on a first watch through or if you dont pay enopugh attention you wouldnt see a lot opf miyukis character aspects and treat him like an emotionally intelligent guy and that is NAWT TREW!!!!!.... also like i love how i say i like characters "normally" which i mean while compared to drawing weird yaoi fanart of high schoolers is true but also is anyone who writes this much about miyuki normal. seriously. wait wheres that screenshot i posted the other day of max calling me normal literally so true. my room is very cold like my fingers are kind of freezing as i type this. anyway. hi everyobe

[onlyhereforangst]

WWR

The Talk™️

lololol just kidding sorry Laura I love you here’s the real thing just in time 😘😘

We start with Ellie being veeeeery sus 👀 checking out Eastern Europe and the various countries, I mean yes there are plenty of nice, beautiful places there but this is a procedural aka obviously that area can only be shady. I also love that Nick came up silently and waited, watched what she was doing very intently, before announcing his presence. Almost like he’s been suspecting something is up with her for a little while now and seized on this perfect opportunity to do a little digging. But at the same time he doesn’t let it go on too long, and he almost gives her an out- he doesn’t accuse her of being shady AF, instead he’s like oh clearly she’s planning a trip because she’s always talked about loving Eastern Europe not the Bahamas like we’d just gotten jealous over a year ago…right, Ellie? A trip? And then her response ooo girl. She starts to get uber defensive and then realizes that oh wait, he handed me an out on a silver platter so yeah let me take it real quick. AND HE DOESN’T CALL HER ON IT. That’s the real good stuff in this scene- he’s a trained federal agent with years of undercover work, he can tell when someone is outright lying *especially* when that someone is Ellie. So he takes her defensive hesitation and than blatant lie and rolls with it. Beeeecause he trusts her. He trusts her to tell him when she’s ready. He saw how hurt she got when he kept bothering her after the kidnapping, and also saw her tell him once she was ready to. So yeah, he gets it now. He may be seriously concerned for her underneath that joking exterior, but he trusts her to tell him when the time is right, and also likely feels she wouldn’t keep anything huge huge from him. *cue getting ready for heartbreak in the finale it’s fine everything is fine*

Of course we move on to the flirty stuff because we avoid serious talk here 🙄 Ellie still sus though don’t get it wrong, shutting that laptop real quick when he rounds the corner taking no further chances. And her crossing her arms while he offends her choice of “vacation” hahaha she’s so obvious, honey you got the hots for him it’s ok. Little middle school flirting like oh yeah you can do better? Prove it jerk. And Niiiiiick 🥵 I wish you could see the screenshot I’m paused on right now after he says it depends on who he’s going with before he asks her who she’s going with because DAMN that look. He can think of one (1) person and one person only who he’d go on a trip with. Her little smirk back before she decides to throw all pretense to the wayside and says fuck it I don’t care that we’re in the bullpen out in the open lemme flirt with you ~*Agent Torres*~ AND HE’S LIKE TWO CAN PLAY AGENT BISHOP PLEASE INVITE ME ON YOUR TRIP THAT I KNOW DOESN’T EXIST BUT I’D LIKE TO KNOW I’D BE INVITED IF IT DID. And please her giddy smile afterwards and then she goes from leaning back in her chair to leaning forward towards him because these two are absolutely drawn to each other bitches and I can’t get enough of them and their little playful smiles and body language. AND NEITHER CAN JIMMY. 

Jimmy is the ellick fandom. Because yes, keep going this is ✨just delightful✨ and I never want it to stop unless you’re kissing. Thank you. And pleeeeease them stumbling over their words when they realized they’ve been caught I CANT. They both look *so* uncomfortable and it’s hilarious, and then Ellie can’t help but laugh at Nick’s dumb joke making fun of Jimmy because it’s her man and he’s so *funny*. 

Bring us to Jimmy redeeming himself. But also yes this just confirms to me that he told Nick what he needed to hear back when he said zero chemistry. And now Jimmy’s observed silently, see where Nick has come in the last year and everything the two have been through and knows he ready to hear it for real. Well Jimmy was ready a while ago for them to move it along so yeah he’s like where’s my spoon I’m gonna STIR THIS POT. And then it is born, the slogan of the episode, the point of the WWR (please don’t have PTSD Laura), The Talk™️. Nick’s face oooo man, he initially tries to deflect like no we aren’t talking about that cozy scene nuh uh and then it turns into his worst nightmare- being called out by James Palmer of all people with Ellie literally five feet away. (ALSO MCGEE IS LITERALLY A FOOT BEHIND THEM. He 1000% heard this entire conversation if Ellie heard it. Bro better not try to deny a single thing later I’m watching you sir 👀) Nick’s expression is screaming what the fuck shut UP Jimmy this can’t possibly be happening so let me try to joke and deflect again (small smile because it was still a little funny) and then back to what the fuck he’s undeterred shit shit shit oh thank god McGee has started talking yes we have a goddamn huge problem autopsy gremlin won’t take the damn hint. 

And woooooow the first time I’ve seen Nick at his desk in a while 👀👀 he said shit people are on to me let me put ✨space✨ in between us for like five seconds while we still shoot each other cute smiles. 

Oooooooh now we here for the evisceration. The Here Lies James Palmer moment of the episode. Catch me dYING in the club, not crying. Because holy shit Ellie this was not only brutal and Brian absolutely killed it during this scene with his reactions to Ellie ripping him apart. His “oh…Oh…oooh.” Had me cackling. And Ellie you are the poster child of defensive, pulling out all the stops. Let me deny everything, let me then be a slight hypocrite because people shouldn’t be talking about me (because I’m terrified about considering broaching that topic too) but I can talk about Gibbs and Sloane previously, and then also like sort of admitting to it by asking Jimmy what people think is going on because that’s the question she would *love* to know the answer to but hasn’t gotten yet. All the while cue me laughing hysterically at jimmy, top tier scene right here lets be honest. Because then Kasie comes in and it’s just perfect 🤣🤣🤣 this was his sister, Painful. Couldn’t have said it better myself Kasie 😭💀

Lol at McGee telling Ellie not to tell Nick he was right about it being a coincidence 😂

HOW CLOSE DO WE NEED TO STAND TOGETHER Y’ALL. HOW CLOSE. THERE’S A WHOLE GODDAMN BULLPEN. Remember when I said Nick wanted space for 5 whole seconds, yeah this is why. They’re straight magnets - drawn together indubitably 👀

Quick detour for the continued storyline of sus!Ellie and it makes me even more and more excited for the finaleeeeee. Because honey why do you know it takes 10 pounds of pressure to rip a trachea out and yes we all know it’s Odette and I can’t wait for the aaaaaangst. Also Kasie always coming in clutch with the humor, I live for it. “No you right I got nothing” 🤣🤣

Once again, Nick forgot about his desk, it was short-lived wasn’t it? 😅 

Now to another fun scene, and I feel like there’s a little double meaning to when Nick talks to Ellie about Phineas going through a lot this year, “more than most of us, which is saying a lot this year” - obviously covid but also maybe a callback to the kidnapping/jail cell stuff they dealt with?? Maybe?? Anyways, them being so awkward cute together because there’s a slight lull in the case so they revert back to their middle school selves, “so” “so…” I can’t with them omg. And then, and THEN of the two to bring it up, it’s Nick!!!! Yes!!! The GROWTH. This man used to be so emotionally closed off and now he, HE is bringing up The Talk™️ and he almost chickens out, he almost says haha you’re right we don’t have to have The Talk™️ after Ellie has a minor freakout because good god this girl is on *edge*. Her mind has probably been going a mile a minute the second she heard Jimmy call them out at the crime scene because she’s been living in blissful ignorance the past months/year whatever and now everything is smacking her in the face. But Nick, ugh I love the growth. He brushes it off and then has a moment where his face is like, no, no I’m not a wuss and he admits that yes he’s thought about it (the way he pauses when he says “not that it hasn’t been on my mind…us…” and I’m like yeah you two as a couple has been on your mind hasn’t it Nick 👀) and yes I want to have The Talk™️ with you Ellie Bishop. And not only does he admit this he’s also the one that’s like ok yeah cool BUT WHEN. Let’s nail this down please, I need it in my planner asap. And then she gets all giggly again “I don’t know when do *you* think?” Like omg I’m literally in middle school again. They’re so fucking cute and awkward it’s precious. Especially when they have to end their conversation and suddenly act normal when talking to McGee 😅😍 then they go separate ways and the look Ellie shoots Nick ahhhhhhh it’s almost like a let’s table this but also shit we really did half open that can of worms in the middle of a work day. Nick sighs and looks briefly to the sky like shit what did I do in a good way and bad way haha. 

Back to Kasie with the ✨iconic✨ lines I love herrrr. Ellie being sus again with being resistant to change. I can’t decide if she’s not only talking about the possibility of dating Nick (once again defensive because Kasie about came for her throat hahahah) but also maybe about whatever is going to go down with Odette 👀👀

HERE WE ARE. THE MOMENT WE’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR. Back to being cute little awkward idiots in love that need to have The Talk™️. I mean come on they’re trying so hard to avoid the actual talk and just dancing around it “so” “so” “talk a roo” “talk a reeno” excuse me what the fuck are you saying just SAY IT. And Nick is still ready and rearing to go but also wants to respect Ellie and give her space if needed so he offers to just agree The Talk™️ needs to be had. And of course she counters with “need is a strong word” because damn this girl is spiraling. She’s so terrified of the outcome of this talk she wants to deny it needs to exist but still she can’t help it at the end of the day. And Nick is still like ok BUT WHEN. I WANT TO TELL YOU I LOVE YOU AFTER YOU TELL ME YOU LOVE ME. SO LIKE WHEN ELLIE WHEN. And he once again plays off her deflection (a theme of this episode) with yeah yeah they’re super tired not at all wired just thinking about this talk that is at the tip of his tongue. At least Ellie is finally seeing the light and realizes that they should promise to have The Talk™️ but as she sits there staring at the elevator in front of her she’s like oh fuck, it can’t be soon can it. Fuck fuck fuck I can’t hold this in longer, we can’t keep dancing around it. fuck. So when Nick once again tries to press her to nail down a time she’s like well fuck it let’s do this shit now. Then she can’t realized that shit I actually said it, I actually said that. I said we should have The Talk™️ now. And Nick’s genuine surprise mirrors hers because she’s been the one half-denying The Talk™️ all day and now she wants to do this right here right now??? But at the same time he’s got a little smile to his face because he loves the idea of her being on board and finally getting this done. Finally getting to hear how she feels. 

So they walk into the elevator with a MUCH better vibe than the last time they walked in all serious at night (looking at you dumb Nick with Elena) but I guess the Elena Elevator Talk walked so the Ellie Elevator Talk could run 👀

And Nick while yes he’s ready for this shit to finally happen he’s still vulnerable, still terrified of opening himself up because he’s seen his dad (recently) and how commitment and relationships run in the family 🙄 plus this is all very new to him outside of Sofia and this is definitely not new to Ellie (Jake, qasim). He needs to hear she’s all-in too, needs to know he hasn’t built something up in his head for something serious when she views it as just a flirtation between friends. So he nervously says ladies first and while Ellie gives him a look of protest and wtf man, I think deep down she knows this is all so difficult for him despite how much he’s pushed it over the course of the day plus SHE is ready to get this out in the open. The moment she decided to stop denying and spiraling she went full force head on let’s talk about us. She hedges for a second and Nick continues to be nervous as she’s clearly building up her own nerve. Then she says probably the exact same moment he’s thinking of- or at least one of them- the jail cell. The defining, triggering moment that set this thing at full speed. He can’t believe she’s really saying the words, about to hear what he hopes is his feeling of that jail cell reciprocated in her words and his head turns quickly to look at her, unable to believe his ears that what he’s been dying for all along is going to happen. The Talk™️ is happening and damn it seems like it’s happening in the right direction. 

Of course we have no damn clue what was said and I’m jaded and don’t think they’ll ever tell us- RIP the note. BUT I’m so glad it actually happened (and the cinematographic parallels of course), a STEP towards canon!Ellick I’m fine. 

Now to see where they take this from here in the last two episodes and I can only hope an angst filled canon!Ellick because duh. 

[seduceme-lovestruck-thearcana]

@megatraven

UGHHHGHGH. I keep thinking of Hades angst and yo,,I remember a screenshot from Astraeus route and I think it had Hades holding his scythe (from his Reaper) to MCs neck or something?? OR MAYBE I LIKE,,IMAGINED THAT??? But like,,imagine if that happened...

AND BTW THIS IS SUPER LONG IM SO SORRY JFEWFB.

MC doesn’t want to be Hera. She begs for anything else to happen to her. She’s lost, scared, in despair, and she needs a way out. And Hades knows this. Not just because she doesn’t want to die, but because like I headcannon, when a god takes over, you basically have to be in this abyss and watch what happens, ya know?? And honestly that IS terrifying, it makes sense for her to not want to be there. ESPECIALLY FOR ETERNITY?!?!?!? THAT WOULD BE HELL ITSELF!! AND SHE TELLS HADES THAT!!

So...she goes to him and begs him for a way out. And like...he has tried hard. He has taken the route in his own route (where he’s fought for her with everything) and it’s still not enough. They’re gonna make sure she becomes Hera, no questions, and they’re both scared. And MC has an idea and so does Hades, and neither of them like it. She basically asks him to kill her...And like my mind was like “NO!!!” And that screenshot came to mind (unless its fake and I hallucinated it-) and I was so sad because...in this AU he would. She’d beg and say how she’d rather die at his hands than the other Gods hands. Wants the last thing she sees to be her fiancée. Even if its a sad look, he’s still there. And that’s what she wants. She doesn’t want to be separated, to see him from afar, to see him suffer knowing he won’t hear her last words. 

Which would be “I love you.”

But she will not die at the hands of all the Gods. Part of MC thinks its to spite the Gods and say how they cant control her, another part is fear. And there’s a little part of hope in there, right in her chest, small but bright, hoping that she’ll find her way to him. She’ll be able to hold him again, see his purple eyes look at her with all the love in the world, and see everyone again. Well,,,everyone immortal. And she’s reminded of everyone. Hades sneaks Alex, May, Josh, the boys, and Aphrodite to see her. She tells them what she plans to do. Obviously, none of them like it. They hate it and suggest everything else, but MC can’t change her mind. She will not risk the chance of her keeping Heras power OR being stuck in an abyss forever. Just the mention of the idea makes everyone cringe because she’s right...that IS a hell. So...they spend one last night with her. They keep it quiet, watch a movie, talk, tell her what they all want to tell her. 

Especially ALEX!! ALEXXX!!! They’re scared to tell her. They know they will be denied and afraid to ruin everything at this last moment, but they need to tell her. So, they do. They tell her everything on their heart and she listens with surprised eyes. She was oblivious to this. She thinks its because she hasn’t been relaxed with them in a long time, so she never noticed, but now that it’s in front of her face...she realizes tHAT YEAH ALEX DOES LOVE HER AND HAS SHOWN IT BIJFBKF. And she smiles and “C” comes out of her mouth before she cuts herself off.

They’re not Cyprin here.

They’re Alex.

That’s who they have been to her all the time, and she smiles and pulls them into a hug. “Thank you, Alex. I love you too, I hope you know that Alex. Maybe not the same way, but you are my best friend, Alex. I love you, too.” She said Alex so many times, as if she was learning their name for the first time again. It makes them happy to hear it come from her lips again, and everyone loves the sweet moment. And Cerberus and his brothers give her hugs and Cerberus gets his aura out to cheer her up and keep things happy for a bit. Josh shares funny stories of cooking, his mishaps, and everything! Aphrodite tells her own stories, BASICALLY EVERYONE SHARES SOME WHOLESOME STORIES. EVEN MC!! SHARING HER FEELINGS OF EVERYONE AND HOW SHE LOVES THEMMM ALL!!!

 And when everything is said and done, its about 6 am, and the Gods are coming for her. They’re coming to take her to the throne room, but no.

They won’t get her.

They can’t.

Everyone leaves them alone, but they all give her a kiss on the cheek or forehead and a TIGHT hug because they will miss her. THEY WILL!! And May and Josh basically threaten that she better know that. She knows that and promises that she’ll be watching them from the afterlife and it makes them all cry harder, but they leave and its just Hades and MC. However, to be NSFW real quick, they ‘get together’ before it happens bc honestly,,,idk thats just where my mind went lol. AND THEN,, THE TIME HAS COME,, HE HAS TO KILL HER BECAUSE HE PROMISED HER!! He calls upon his Aura and MC notices the sad look on the Reaper and she gives them both one last smile. The Scythe is at her neck and Hades’ tears streak down his face as she closes her eyes and takes her final breath. He was holding her hand and the grip was tight, and it went limp (Idk what he’d do necessarily?? Just uses the scythe to take her soul). She was falling to the ground but he caught her instantly and held her to him as he cried on the floor. What would he tell the Gods? What would he do? What will he do without her? He has his friends and everyone to back up that she wanted this...but still. 

What will he do without her? Who will be the light to his shadows? 

Zeus and Poseidon come through his door (not even knocking), and they call out for Hades, but they speed up when they hear Hades sobs. They come to the main room (idk I assume the door is a littles away from the main room like the living room) and they see Hades clutching MCs body to him. There’s no blood, no struggle, nothing. Just him holding the love of HIS LIFE in his arms, knowing he just ended the life of someone he loves once again...

Zeus and Poseidon just stand there for a second. Hades refuses to look them in the eye, cant look at them, and just looks at his lover...the one he loves so much...But he can’t avoid it forever. He looks up at his brothers and Zeus is furious and Poseidon is sad. Zeus is so close to attacking him, but Poseidon grabs his arm with a TIGHT grip. Poseidon isn’t even looking at anyone, just at the ground. “Hades...what happened?” His voice isn’t angry, it’s just sad, and worried. Zeus still can’t say a word. Hades looks back up at them. 

“She...she wanted it to end.” His voice was shaky and tears still streamed down his face. “She told me...she wanted it to be me. For me to end it. Not you.” He growled the ‘you’ out. “She didn’t want to be trapped in an abyss for eternity. And it makes sense. None of us want to be trapped...”. He stops there, he can’t continue. He looks back down at her and hugs her body closer to him. 

“The Reaper has taken yet another soul...” he whispers out, and his brothers hear him. This time, even Zeus is sad. He’s never seen his older brother like this (yh I found out Hades is the OLDEST FIREJBFD). This emotional and this heart broken. Or maybe he has and he just never payed attention. That makes him realize his actions and everything he’s done. Its shameful and he stares at MC as well, feeling his heart drop. And its not just because of Hera...its because she was going to be his sister-in-law (I think that’s what they are??? IDK MEG-) and that is an innocent woman. He doesn’t know how to face this (not even my Zeus knows how to face his emotions-), so he just walks to Hades and goes to sit beside him. Hades flinches away from him and his hold tightens on her for a moment, and both brothers understand why he does that. But they just sit beside him, in silence. “She asked you?”

“Yes. I would not take her life for no reason...I would NEVER even dream of it”. Poseidon hears the bite in his voice and the way its darker from his power, the power he tries to hide and not flaunt around like everyone. He just nods and it goes silent. “But at least...it wasn’t painful...”. Hades whispers it out. He knew the ritual would be painful, he knows it is. Not from experience but the ritual takes the soul apart...it’s going to hurt. He wouldn’t wish that pain on her. He would give his life, but the Gods wouldn’t accept it. Hell, he’s lucky they let him have her for one more night. The tears have stopped because they can’t continue. They always rise to the surface, but won’t drop. “I lost her...she’s gone...it’s all our faults...”. Hades made sure they all knew it was their faults. Not them but the Gods in general. They’re desperation for a Goddess who didn’t want to come back, who BEGGED to not come back, led to the death of an innocent woman. Led to a woman wanting to die. And I imagined Hades finally telling Zeus the whole truth like...it’s an emotional moment, and he feels like he should tell him.

“Zeus,” he says, his voice back to normal since he’s reigned his power back in, “Hera wanted to die. She asked me to take her, so I did. But she made me promise her to not let her come back. Never. Or maybe until she was ready, I’m not sure exactly. And when I found [MCs mothers name]...”. His breath catches at the mention of MCs mother who was also taken to early, a woman he loves as well, who was killed by the Gods. Direct or not didn’t matter. “She was Hera’s reincarnation and I...I was a little afraid. I made H.E.R.A with her and Aphrodite and I planned to tell her of her power that she held. But...I realized that I cared for her. Not in a romantic way, but she was a sister to me, I cared for her dearly, yet she was taken away from us because of US!” His voice was louder, and his eyes were shut still facing MCs body. Poseidon and Zeus flinch at his voice, not used to Hades being this angry even if they understand why he’s angry. “And I had to hold her in my arms when she died...and it moved to MC...and I fell for her, and I’ve done everything I can. But none of you wanted to think of her. Think of a woman who has done SO MUCH for us, a woman who has already suffered because. OF. US!” 

When he mentioned that she had done so much for them, they were reminded of his s1 when basically everyone disappeared and was taken, yet MC was such a big factor into helping them...and they forgot that. They shouldn’t have, but they did. And it hurt them all. 

AND AWAY FROM HADES TELLING ZEUS AND POSEIDON HIS STORY, they have a funeral on Earth. Even Hades will not bury her on Olympus. A part of him wants to since her mother is buried there, but he remembers Josh, May, and Alex. None of them will come to Olympus anymore, he knows it, and he won’t torture them by forcing them to come to Olympus to see her. And its all emotional. And,,,Hades tells everyone (as in her close family,,including May bc she IS family AND THE BOYS!!) that he’s sorry, but they know he did his best. Aphrodite witnessed it, and so did everyone else. And for the few years...it’s all silent. Hades attends meetings and does his work because he knows MC wants him to. MC wants him to keep living, being kind, helping people, and being Hades. But she asked him to promise her something...promise to never love another. And it was promised with NO hesitation. He loves her and no one else and he’s lucky to have had the chance to love her

ESPECIALLY AFTER KNOWING ALEX LOVES HER!! THEY’VE KNOWN HER LONGER AND HONESTLY HADES IS A LITTLE SURPRISED SHE DIDNT END UP WITH ALEX IFBHKRJEBWB. But like I said, everything is silent, emotionless. Everyone smiles from time to time, but it’s mainly quiet. Well, some of the Gods don’t care, and he honestly gets PISSED when he sees that, but he just goes back to his estate or his condo. Probably his condo since he has more memories of her there. She was never one for Olympus. It was beautiful to her, but it made her anxious, so the condo (and her apartment) was her safe place. And he goes to the fridge the day of her funeral and guess what he sees??? GUESS WHAT HE SEES??? He sees MCs baked goods. He takes them out and eats them and tastes how sweet and full of love they are. He KNOWS it will be a long time before he can taste this type of sweetness again, but he’ll happily wait 1,000 years if that’s what it took for her to come back to him. And he’ll keep his promise. 

He will find his light again. He will. And maybe his light will find him. Light needs darkness after all....

UGH MEGGG!!! IM SAD!!! BUT I LOVE IT!!! LITERALLY STILL SOBBING AT THIS IDEA 😭. I JUST!!! LOVE HADES SO MUCH!!! AND HIM BEING EMOTIONAL AND STILL BE SO HARD AT UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS IS SO AMAZING!!!! I love him and hNNNG IM SO SAD. I hope you like this and sorry its so long...

Love you 💙 💙. I’m so sad,,,but I love it and I hope you’re sad as well 😭 😭.

[go-diane-winchester]

A Generational study of Misha's wackydoodle fanbase.

This was the first post I ever did, on my blog.  The post did very well, and that was because the hellers were reblogging and adding their own captions to the post, and other dumber hellers were leaving a like.  So essentially they were creating traffic for my post without realizing it.  Because their nasty fingerprints are all over this post, I want to repost an edited version with updated information and less typos.  I remembered this post because of this interesting comment.

''In Twitter, in their own words, they have from 2 up 10 accounts. A lot of free time, I assume. I barely have time to enter tumblr xD''

Immediately, the Profound Bonds census came to mind.  I remember seeing a prominent amount of children.  And on one page, there was only one 37 year old.  I was surprised.  I wish I could use a screenshot of that page, but the hellers deleted the entire census.  I wonder why.  The above comment and the census, is the reason I am reposting an amended version of this. 

Enjoy!

Impassioned fans can be very annoying.  Like any fanatic, [in the words of Spike Milligan] they don't enjoy their favorite art.  They suffer from it.  However, most of the time, you find a way to chill with them, and you will be able to have a conversation about something or the other.  You might even share their enthusiasm, unless they start behaving creepily and nauseating you.  The hellers are the latter breed of freak.  They are the creepiest, most nauseating but most mobilized and active part of this fandom, because they have a hierarchy that operates their entire system.  There are influencers and drones.  Seeing an influencers will give you the impression that hellers are a group of grown women, however, that is not the case.  Only the influencer are older.  The drones are young.  Sometimes painfully young.

Understanding slash is one of the things that allowed me to understand why these people are so subservient towards Misha, and why they never question him.  There are other factors like his cult leader behavior, however, there is a particular group that he targets and he uses social media to do it.  Slash is almost a century old.  And each generation behaved in a specific way, regarding slash fiction.  The earlier generations were very covert.  It may have had something to do with modesty.  It may also have had something to do with “outsiders ruining our  fun”.  As far as Supernatural is concerned,  three generations of slash fans are represented. 

I am using the word generation here, from a marketing demographic perspectives, because this seems like the most sensible way to categorize slash fans.  Believe me, I am fully aware I am over simplifying this.  I am trying to write a short blog.  In no way, am I throwing shade at your generation.  I just like mine the most. lol!!!

There are three major generations in this fandom, that indulge in slash fiction:

Generation X:  These are slash fans born between 1965 and 1979.

Generation Y aka Millenials:  These are slash fans born between 1980 and 1994. 

Generation Z aka Centennials:  These are slash fans born after 1994. 

Generation X is that last generation of classic slashers.  This is a covert group that doesn’t like to share its artworks and works of fiction with outsiders.  If they remained underground and secret forever, they wouldn’t mind.  And if that mindset remained, nobody would even know that slash fiction exists.  As a member of this generation, I wish that things had stayed this way, but understand that society changes.  Its evitable.  Gen Xers usually don’t ship just one pair because it would seem a little foolhardy to pin all your slashy happiness on one pair that you put together.  There are plenty of pretty fish in the sea and we tend to mix 'n match.  There may be pairings we will like more than others, but generally speaking, we don't have issues with working through a cast like a buffet and enjoying different pairings. 

Younger generations of J2 fans were influenced by this generation's writings and therefore share the same opinions.  If there are any destiel shippers in this group, three suppositions are likely.  First, they are either, hidden away from social media and don't know about this death threat drama, and they don't have any frenzied love for destiel where it blinds them.  Misha is not influencing them via social media either.  They have a life and destiel is just their pass time.  Or, they are influencers who are older and therefore that sway the minds of younger people.  I theorize, however, that most of the destiel shippers in this generation deserted the ship and moved on.

The Y generation or millenial brought two changes to slash fiction.  From a western standpoint, this generation started to become inclusive and politically correct, making their work LGBT oriented rather than hetero/bi female oriented to the detriment of the artform.  The greatest irony is that mpreg [the last remnance of femininity] was born at the tail end of this generation.  My previous theory about this group was wrong.  I thought they were a quiet group.  But no.  All the Lua Jame's, Janelle's and Exorcising Emily's are coming this group.  This means that the influencers, the first users of social media in other words, are from this generation.  Perhaps, the normal non-criminal thinking, nice destiel shippers come from this generation too. 

Generation Z or centennials are the youngest generation, making them the least experienced, with the least filter.  They don’t think before they speak, but boy do they have a lot to say.  They tend to use social justice and politics to push the validity of their ship.  They are like junkies when it comes to their ship and Misha Collins is the only dealer they have.  They look for other dealers which is why they tend to ask all and sundry, what their opinion is with regard to destiel. 

They based their opinion of that person, on how that person responds to destiel.  Its like a pothead who only likes people who say that smoking pot is ok.  And if that person is indifferent to destiel, they will collectively attack that individual.  The only reason is because they are young.  Its only when I looked at their census, that I realized that many of them are as young as 13.  So most of them are children.  In Misha's heller army, these kids are the soldiers, bashing Jensen and Jared online and voting for Misha to win an award.  Lets hope their taste chances as they grow. 

Misha and his influencer, have convinced these people that what they feel is true, and because they are still young, they don't know any better.  Even a non heller might feel insulted by this analysis of an entire generation but believe me.  I am not critiquing you.  I am merely pointing out that your brain doesn't fully develop until you hit 40.  You are not a child, I concur.  But you are not a complete adult.  Get to my age, look back at life, and realize how many times circumstances forced you to change your opinion about various subjects.   I wager that about ten years from now, the hellers will look back at their behavior and cringe.  They don't know any better and the adults around them are not teaching them to do the right thing.

So Misha’s primary fanbase are a bunch of children, who are spread around the globe, and who don't affect of the ratings, have generally no money of their own so they cant buy seats for his panel or photo-ops or raise a decent amount for anything he is auctioning.  They couldn't attend Indycon so it flopped.  Not that he has that many fans to start with.  And they don’t recognize that Misha is trolling them with destiel, because they are too young to understand. 

Misha has the dumbest cult following ever, because he attached him to Jensen and Dean.  And Jensen doesn't even spend anytime with Misha outside of work.  So the shippy calling card Misha waves will catch fire in his hands.  He is also attracting children and they will grow up to eventually change their mind and taste in men.  The influencers are likely to stick with him, unless they get bored with the lack of Jensen and move on.  So consequently, Misha and his hellers wont benefit each other in the long run. 

I have a feeling there may still be typos.  Excuse them, please.

[tumblunni]

Dr Maddiman with cheat codes!

Surprisingly he works perfectly with no glitches, the only problem is that he has no stats as a playable character so he simply stands there unable to attack. But his medal displays fine on the yokai menu, you can add him to your party, he appears fine in battle and he's even fully animated! Seems to have everything i could see from his unfightable state- same animations as his boss battle for taking attacks, dodging, being inspirited. Even if you turn him to face the camera he has his full facials for all those anims! Its a good way to catch higher quality screenshots for animations that werent viewable in his medallium normally.

A fun little thing is that cos his moveset data is blank, it experiences overflow and changes to display the abilities of the yokai next to him if he isnt in the centre slot when you open the page. This is just a cosmetic error though, he cant actually steal their attacks abd become properly playable.

Another fun thing is that those seem to be officially his stats during the boss fight! The messed up nicknames transferred over from whatever was in the slot i hacked him into, and also the level, but the stats always change from the original yokai into these particular ones. And if he levels up his stats never change. He actually has three thousand HP and the game just cant display it except on certain screens that have enough space for the extra digit.

Also odd is that he completely lacks a soultimate meter! It displays as if its empty but because he cant attack he cant recover it normally, and assist attacks and recovery items dont work on him. A weird side effect is that he's also somehow untargetable by enemy Soulltimates! If he's the only yokai left on the fielld the enemy will just get stuck in their charging animation forever. Its not a softlock though, you can still escape if you open your items and use a Getaway Plush

So yeah! Weird! Also it seems the 3ds powersaves cheat device only lets you add boss yokai to your party in yw1 and not yw2. Did the game add extra checks to stop ot happening? Did the addition of online trading make it so that these illegal yokai could brick your game? Who knows!

But whatever at least i can put a madds in my party for one of the games i guess. Even if he just sits there lookin adorable he'll be good moral support! And i mean he's kinda the ultimate tank lol, it would be easy to cheese through boss fights like that.

Gotta check if this cheat works in yw3 when i get it tho!!! Also if anyone knows any other ways of hacking yokai watch aside from Powersaves? Cos it doesnt work on emulators only physical copies. Cant record better footage of maddiman time!

[kotas-dump]

Artist’s muse

You’d been an artist since before you could remember. The thing was? You were an orc.  A big guy with a bigger heart and it killed you people saw you and shunned you from the art scene. So instead you took your skill to the internet.

There no one knew who the artist behind their favorite dirty artist was. Just that he was some dude who lived in some small town where nothin’ exciting ever happened. A place were orcs were slammed with racism and reminded constantly they were more beast than person.

So to say you were a shut-in. A hermit. Was an understatement. You kept to yourself. Worked a low-wage restaurant where you bused tables and cleaned dishes. Easy work and it left you with enough free time to sell your art and comics on the side. Art of love and sex. Fluffy romance you’d resigned yourself to never having. Art of your dreams, the relationships you’d never had but the characters you made had pieces of you in them and it was your outlet. Your escape.

Grabbing your groceries from the beat-up rusty red pick up you slid the bags up your arm and started carrying them up. All the way to the top floor of your apartment. Grunting you made your way up the stairs.

“Do you need help with that?” A feminine voice called out.

Turning you look back toward a human female. Like a wraith from the shadows she appeared behind you.

“Here. Let me help.” She raced up to you, cutting you off to offer her hand and her help.

Staring at her you melted. Clad in all black with chains and spikes and lace with the sweetest smile on her beet red lips. Her hair shaved short on the sides but left long on the top and currently plaited over her left shoulder.

“Uhmmm...” She laughed and there was a flash of cute crooked teeth.

Shaking your head you snap yourself out of it. “Right uh.. Thanks...here.” You hand her the bag of apples and she scoffs. Sliding a few bags from your arm she motions for you to lead the way. “Go on. Lead the way.”

“T-thanks.” You mutter, continuing your accent to your apartment. Reaching the top floor you fumble for the keys, dropping them.

“I got it.” She chimes, bending to pluck them from the ground. Her skin tight black jeans doing wonders for her womanly curves. Oh man.. she had a great ass.

No!

What were you thinking?!

“Th-thanks.” you mutter as she pushes the door open.

“Don’t mention it. Didn’t know I had an orc neighbor. I live right across the hallway. Always kind of wondered who lived here. You’re as quiet as a doormouse.” She drops the groceries off right inside the doorway.

“You can come in if you like.” You say softly. “Kitchen’s to the right.”

She squeezes around you, brushing up against you on her way. Blinking you close the door behind her and follow her slow steps toward the kitchen.

“It’s like... an art gallery. Did you make all these?” Her voice is filled with wonder and you nod before you realize she can’t see you behind her.

“Oh uh.. Nah.. A uhm...”Quick you needed a lie.” A human friend made them for me. He sells art online.”

“Really? That’s so cool. The style looks so familiar...”

Your heart drops. “W-what?” You sputter, quickly catching yourself as she glances back to you. “I mean he lives locally.. so maybe you’ve seen his stuff?” Nice save.

Setting down the bags she walks toward the piece in the living room and you suddenly regret inviting her in. What if she recognized your style? What if she was a fan? Quickly you shed the bags and gently guide her shoulder back around. “I’ll let him know you like his art. I’m sure it’ll uh.. really get his heart pumping.” ‘out of terror’ you add in your head.

“Hey woah. Hey!” She cries as you push her out the door

“Thank you so much again. I appreciate it!” You slam the door shut and spin around, resting your back against it. That was a close one.

If you were outed as an orc.. Shit.. all your followers would leave.

Sighing you push yourself back up and put away the groceries.

---

Later that night you’re streaming when a comment catches your eye.

“Ever draw goth girls?”

You hadn’t. You’d always thought your type was the cute normal girls. The girls who loved sunshine and the beach.  Sundresses, long hair and smelled like strawberries.

Pecking at the small keys you reply.

“That’s a good idea. I’ll draw that next! Thanks.”

You had the perfect girl in mind. Finishing up your drawing you clear the canvas and start over. Time flies by as you’re painting her. Getting more and more detail in with each and every digital stroke until there’s a light knock on your door.

Writing a quick BRB on the canvas you hop up and head to the door. Oh man you hoped it was the girl scouts selling cookies again. Maybe this time they wouldn’t scream. Stay long enough for you to buy some thin mints.

Opening the door you open your mouth to say hello but your eyes settle on the goth human across the hall. The woman from before. She’s holding a tablet to her chest, screen facing you with a big smile on her face. It was your stream.

Quickly you shut the door. Oh no. Nononononono. Wait.. That closing the door wouldn’t help. Slowly you open the door again and she’s still standing there. Like a little ray of darkness smiling up at you. Death. Come for your soul. This was the end?

“Sorry about that.”

“I knew it was you.” She says, rolling onto the ball of her foot and leans forward. You can’t help but take a step back, scared out of your wits.  “That’s the same art isn’t it? You’re the one who draws the porn and stuff online right?”

Mortified your eyes grow wide. “Listen. I-”

“I won’t tell anyone. I mean I get it why you don’t tell anyone. Being uhm...”

“Orc.” You supply, defeated.

“Right.” She blushes but pecks at her tablet. “You’d get a lot of crap for it I bet but that’s not why I came over here.”

“i-it’s not?” You stutter. Why was she here then?

“Is this me?” She asks,showing you a screenshot of the painting you’d been working on before writing the brb.

Wilting you sigh. God you looked like a creep now. Even if the painting in question was just a bust up portrait.

“Ahh.. uh well. It’s inspir-” You begin.

“It’s amazing!” She cheers. Her head canting ever so slightly to the side as her eyes wondered over the digital painting.

She was beautiful.

“Wha-?” Realizing she’d sat down on the desk you swallow. “I uh..It’s not done so...”

“Really? It looks so good already.” She glances to you and your heart skips a beat. “You did miss a few things though.” Her eye scan your face and those red lips pull into a smile again. “Wellllll... Care for a model then? I’d love to watch you paint and it’s better to work from real life right?”

Your brain is screaming ‘no’ in epic slow-mo like in starwars but your head nods before you have the chance to stop it.

She squeezes by you, practically prancing by. “You got my nipple color wrong by the way.” Her voice carries but it’s a million miles away.

“The...n-nipples?” You whisper, holding the door frozen in place as she tosses the tablet onto the couch and starts to peel away layers of her black clothing.

“Paint me like one of your french girls~“

Should I continue? This has sat in my drafts for months.

Money talks <3

[ego-centrick-moved]

EGO MAYHEM THEORIES: II

THIS IS PART II. CLICK HERE FOR PART I.

OK FUCKERS LET’S FIRST COVER SOME STUFF:

Jack posted a photo to his instagram with red lights shining on his face as he wore chases shirt and marvin's mask was spotted in the back

he livestreamed some fortnight and @lisasepticsuperplier spotted marvin’s mask hanging on the whiteboard. @maggiemaemoo also noticed and pointed out when he went on a “pee break” the mask went missing. this same mask was on the whiteboard in his new “am i colorblind” video.

it’s important to note that the red lights were in every video between chapter one and the colorblind video.

RGB lights/lens flares in most thumbnails.

he wore a black shirt in every video up until today (5/9) where he switched it out for chases shirt in “try to fall asleep” and a fairly normal tee in “am i colorblind”

i don't think “am i colorblind” is important to our theories at all, i actually think for once we got a normal video? besides the mask, nothing off happens the whole video and there’s no red lights. did jack go back to sleep?

CHAPTER 4: “IT WAS ALL CONNECTED”

"you see a man in front of you. this man looks strange, not like any man you have seen before. suddenly, you realize you were looking in a mirror..."

by this point we know all of the intros are connected/parallel events having to do with jack/the egos. this intro doesn’t end with “stories untold.” it’s likely the case because in game, we learn what the characters “untold” story is- and we start to uncover jacks. 

all of his egos have a similar likeness to jack, so he could be referring to coming face to face with any of them. i think, however, this is more of a “i don’t recognize myself” statement. jack has lost his memories, he hasn’t been himself and his subconscious knows. that’s why he doesn’t recognize the man in the mirror, why it looks strange to him. mirrors have been a common theme over time regarding anti/broken!jack, and mirrors were also involved in the second video this day.

i really think jack did a good job choosing stories untold to be The Game(tm) where all this shit goes down. there’s a lot of very obvious connections you can make with jack/the ego’s stories and this game, and i enjoy it a lot. i took some notes while watching the video, it would take to long to expand on them individually so i'll just share this screenshot. it’s a lil messy:

now let’s jump to that ending. i’m still reeling from it; wig evaporated. 

i still have NO SOLID IDEA what he could’ve been referring to. does he remember everything or just some things? does he blame schneep or anti? does he remember who everyone is again? SO MANY QUESTIONS! gif credit

@fear-is-nameless pointed out he looks directly at the camera, not through it. almost as if he's talking to someone. i think he’s either talking to us, or talking to schneep/chase considering (i think) they were the ones trying to get him to wake up to begin with. 

@no-strings-puppet pulled together the whispers that you can listen to slowed here, slowed and reversed here.

@damienisverygood made a transcript of the whispers, i have a hard time hearing it so i cant rly confirm for 100% that this is accurate, but definitely worth noting.

@monochromemedic had a really interesting theory about schneeps involvement in it all, it’s definitely worth taking a peek at.

@booperdoopcr has a theory that really got me thinking as well.

i really do think someone has been “pulling the strings,” choosing what jack can remember and locking away whatever memories either a, hurt him or b, doesn’t serve their agenda. it’s hard to tell if it’s anti who’s in control of what jack knows or if it’s our doctor. 

i don’t think schneep is evil or malevolent. if he’s keeping jack from remembering it’s for jacks health or the well-being of the other egos/himself. it’s an outdated theory that anti thrives off of attention (i can’t remember but i think jack said that wasn’t quite the case) so it would make sense for henrick to lock away memories that involved anti, it would also explain why jack doesn’t remember him (considering he was corrupted last time we saw him). the thing that doesn’t quite add up with this theory is why schneep was so frazzled to see jack playing his role, when he knew jack didn’t remember him or really know what he was doing. schneep looked scared when confronting jack, he knew something was wrong. overnightwatch happened after schneep left for “vacation,” yet jack seems to forget about that too. i don’t dismiss this theory completely, it just leaves a lot of questions.

anti, however, would benefit from jack having amnesia about him. if he doesn’t know who anti is and doesn’t know there’s something fishy going on, he can’t stop it. it would make sense for anti to make jack forget schneep, considering he tried to save him. it also could’ve just been a casualty of trying to get jack to forget everything regarding the glitch demon himself. it would also make sense for schneep to be frazzled in this case when confronting jack, because he likely didn’t know who he was talking to. he recognized jack, but he didn’t know jack. if that makes any sense.

i stand strongly by my theory that memory-lacking jack is just a puppet of antis, being controlled by him without really knowing. schneep has experience with anti, he was likely afraid of the unknown possibilities that stirred around confronting an unstable, unknowing puppet!jack. i honestly believe schneep came back to try to save jack. after he confronted puppet!jack, i think he started some sort of therapy to get him to remember, and had chases help. (like a parallel to the dr. alex/mom and james in the game ya feel?)

@chronically-illustrated pointed out that all of the endings could be a bit of interpretation of what happened to jack over the years. James Ation had a hard time interpreting reality so the truth manifested in complicated and symbolic ways. the outros could’ve symbolized jack’s memories coming back to him/events that have been actively happening. 

we see jack “wake up” periodically (i think the jack that remembers is conscious, just locked away, being tortured and watching everything unfold) , leaving hints and cries for help littered here and there. they almost ALWAYS get removed though, seemingly by anti trying to get things back under control. the tags on the DDLC playthroughs that got deleted (canyouhearme, i remember what happened), the entire overnightwatch stream getting deleted (seemingly from memory as well), the random tags showing up on posts only to get deleted later (the sos in morse code). anti doesn’t want jack catching on, he deletes all signs of him he can and all of jacks cries for help while simultaneously taunting us and fucking with us (like overnightwatch as whole). thanks to @fear-is-nameless for reminding me about the tags on DDLC.

no traditional outro or intro

CHECK PLEASE

this video just seemed very off. i don’t have a lot to say about it, but i’ll let my notes sum it up:

i don’t really know what to make of it, other than it’s suspicious as all hell. the red light was in this video as well. 

he mentioned magic 6 times, made a blood/knife/threatening comment about 5 times, and got injured/burned twice. 

that mirror speech was all fine until he said “you got this- we got this.”  i just don't trust like that.

if anything, i think this just helps solidify the idea that memory vacant jack is just a puppet of antis. it might also reveal that anti’s whole plan is to become one with jack and be the foreman (host).

“papa” sounds a lot like anti in the closing scene lmao. i don’t think there’s much to read into, its just something funny. if he is a puppet i wonder if he sees anti as dad?

there IS a traditional outro/intro

TRY TO FALL ASLEEP

i hate this man. i absolutely despise him. im kidding i love him and his creativity and torture knows no bounds. this mother fuck really did this to us.

before even watching the video, i knew we were NOT in the clear, after jack seemingly “waking up” yesterday and then this video? i love hate him. 

here are my general notes on the video. i added lines to make it easier to read cos this was a Lot:

i take the notes during my first watch through so i'm sorry for the meaningless comments/reactions throughout. 

let’s break this down a lil bit. the video starts off weird. there’s no normal intro, and the red lights are there- just dim (this was brought to my attention from this post by @markired), “jack” fades in through static. 

@lizziebirb made this gif where you can see marvins mask show through the static:

then that creepy grin is back as he introduces the game. he stares directly at us as he makes his “speech” about going to sleep. when he makes the comment “when you drift off, that’s when the fun begins,” i half expected to hear anti’s laugh. bone-chilling to say the least.

the character in the game is someone who just went through an accident of some kind, and memory loss is mentioned (another parallel?). jack glosses over that, and instead focuses on brain damage. now hear me out; what if jack doesn’t want to remember? what if he wants to stay asleep because he’s afraid? i feel like due to the theme of the last game egos aside, he normally would’ve pointed it out or made a connection? i could be wrong, im just thinking out loud.

he also, out of place, brought up “why are all these people in my house” which reminded me a lot of a post he reblogged a few days ago.

he says “i don't know if i need a mask” (referring to gas masks in game) but that line stuck out to me, due to the fact two egos have masks and one of them even popped up in this video. the other ego (jbm) we haven't heard almost anything from since this all started. 

i found a lot in the TV snow. we see marvin, JJ, and a hidden message. ill link the post with all the pictures here, but i would like to highlight a few screenshots in specific.

in this one, jack’s webcam seems to glitch out when marvin pops up. i don't know if that was something that messed up in the rendering of the video, but it honestly reminds me a lot like the glitches that popped up during the antipocalypse days. with the way the color fades and there seems to be hints of color over his face. i wonder if there’s a second image there we just can’t see?

and then there was this:

i traced over the words, but that’s all i saw. i’ve seen people claim it says “you need to wake up” but i just... don’t see that. it would make sense, but i never see the end of this sentence and i very clearly see an “A” in the 3rd word, so it doesn’t say “need”. it could say “you have to flee,” considering that is the next word we see after this. if that’s the case, who is he fleeing from and why? 

it could ALSO be someone telling jack he HAS to wake up. like they’re telling him he doesn’t have a choice, he can't just keep acting like things didn’t happen and put off confronting his memories/his egos. after waking up yesterday, and then this video today, i wouldn’t be surprised if he’s deliberately trying to fall back asleep.

we also see JJ. but why? this is the only time i see him, and as far as i know jack doesn’t even reference him in this video, unlike how he referenced marvin with the abundance of magic-related comments. what’s the significance of JJ being in this video/making an appearance?

he also makes a face worth mentioning after reading the phrase “loose lips spit sekrits.” (i’m p sure it’s spelt that way because in dreams it’s common for things to be a little off, especially words. it wasn’t a typo by the developers, it was deliberate). this face goes entirely full screen and only lasts for about a second. it could be for comedic effect because he thought it was a typo, but it could also be a certain someone throwing some shade, yanno? someone's been slipping us hints, “spitting sekrits,” and another someone is probably not very thrilled about it.

he then makes a comment about “revive” due to the word being on a podium. he picks up a fuse and says, “can the doctor revive me after this” (as JJ pops up on screen) which could be a direct reference to schneep “reviving” jack- or at least his attempts to.

fear was a big theme in this video, he repeated that he “wasn’t afraid” many times even though he was very obviously afraid. i wonder who he was trying to convince he wasn’t afraid? who are we even watching in this video, and who are they trying to prove something to? he breaks the fourth wall towards the end and tells us “no fear, im repeating it so you guys remember it.” does he want us to have no fear, is it important that we aren’t afraid? or is he trying to convince us/whoever he really isn’t afraid, just cautious for our sake? 

there were about 5 mentions of magic i caught throughout this video.

no traditional outro/intro

i’ll add more as the days go on, but in another two days (if there’s still ego stuff goin on) i’ll make another one. :D if you have any theories to add lmk by tagging me, messaging them to me, or just replying here ! i’ll throw them in where/if they fit and tag you. thanks for all the positive responses on my first theory post, i hope this one is as helpful. :D

Tags (im sorry): @jacksoopticboop @jacksepticeye-protection-squad @lum1natrix @puppet-master-anti @kasper-the-ghost @septicjacks @mrcamillaa @hufflepufftrax @rogue-of-broken-time  @marielgum @markired

[sachi-pon]

free! dive to the future episode 12 liveblog/review thing

*loud sigh*

i am DREADING watching this episode. one reason is that i don't know if this is the end... the end, forever??? i don't know!!! i really hope not!! ;__; the other reason is that because this is the season finale, i know it's going to be emotional!!! there's no way a free! season finale will not be emotional. the other two were. XD

but i have to watch the episode. as much as i am terrified to watch it... i must. i've got to do it. >__<UUU

so here we go!!!!!

please read my previous liveblogs as well. i've been reacting to everything this season!  (episode 1) (episode 2) (episode 3) (episode 4) (episode 5) (episode 6) (episode 7) (episode 8) (episode 9)  (episode 10) (episode 11) and THANK YOU VERY MUCH to anyone who reads my liveblogs. thank you for taking the time to read them!!!! <33333

watch ep 12 officially on crunchyroll: http://www.crunchyroll.com/free-iwatobi-swim-club/episode-12-dive-to-the-future-775643

***

the episode starts out with some BEAUTIFUL animation!!!

i think it's so cute that haru was fascinated by water ever since he was little.

yesssss i was waiting for that shot of little haru smiling!!! i already posted that screenshot here on my blog. XD if that doesn't absolutely melt your heart, then... you have no heart!

makoto cooking??? THAT'S SO ADORABLE <3

i would be happy to eat burnt toast if makoto made it. <33333

;___; omg omg omg that is so sad. he didn't help his friend. so i bet that is a major source of guilt for him. and, i wonder if that's some kind of foreshadowing...??? maybe haru and/or rin will be forced to make some kind of difficult choice between swimming and something else. i'm not saying that'll happen in this episode but maybe in the future (well, that's assuming there is another season)

hahaha, the muscle lovers have brainwashed ayumu!!! XD

yaaaaaay i am actually seeing ikuya and hiyori again!!!! i love them! ^__^

rin's surprised face at seeing natsuya again hahahaha

"you're late haru... just like me lol" -rin

"it's been so lon--" SLAP. what a warm welcome???

i feel like there should have been a theme song by now...

ikuya and natsuya about to race each other while remembering all those memories ;__; this episode is so emotional already lol.

*very dramatic music*

HAHAHAHAHA that out-of-date phrase came back. those random laughing people are like "who is that old fool??"

that little screenshot of ikuya and natsuya sleeping while leaning against each other UGGGGHHH that was a really sharp knife in my heart <3

hiyori is so excited for ikuya, awww.

*awkward panting*

yay i was hoping ikuya would win, just because i think it's funny that natsuya lost to his little brother!!!

THAT HANDSHAKE TURNING INTO A HUG I AM DONE. I AM DONE WITH THIS ANIME. IT'S BAD FOR MY HEALTH. I CANNOT BREATHE WITH ALL THESE EMOTIONS GOING ON. ;___; ;___; ;___;

NATUYA'S CRYING?!?!??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!!? WTF WHY ARE YOU CRYING, STOP THAT, NOOO THIS IS TOO PRECIOUS. he really is so proud of ikuya!!!!! ^___^

lol now ikuya's crying and his little shaky voice, aaaaaaggghh. i hate this show so much. this show is too dangerous for my heart. i can't survive all this. why are all of these characters such wonderful angels???? WHY???????

i think asahi is starting to cry too lol

all right, that's a good stopping point. well, i'm done. ...wait... whaddaya mean there's more time left in this episode??? whaddaya mean that i haven't even watched half of the episode??? oh no, i have to keep watching!!! i don't think i'm ready for this you guys

"haruka-senpai and the rest have really dived into an incredible world." no, rei, they have DIVED INTO THE FUTURE!!!!!! =)

you couldn't have just walked AROUND them???? -__-

this guy's bright orange hair bothers me...

that confident look you get on your face when you are aware of how awesome you are and how powerfully bright your hair is:

"you cant gain that kind of strength without throwing something else away." uhhhh well that's creepy. what did kinjou throw away? (his sanity???)

ryuuji believes you basically have to give up everything, even your friends, to make it in the competitive world =( he's obviously still feeling guilt about what happened with his own friend. what's interesting is that we don't know how haru feels about what ryuuji just said. does haru agree?

rin is so cool that he has his own cool new music now hahaha.

haru looks suprised that rin did so well??? he shouldn't be surprised! rin is amazing <3

haru looks nervous??? (to be honest, i am nervous too lol. my heart is beating fast...)

he had a late start? i couldn't tell. XD

i am seriously freaking out over this animation. i just love it. the animation in this show is wonderful in general, but i feel like the animators take extra care in doing haru's swimming scenes. those scenes always look gorgeous. (even when haru's swimming isn't as fast as normal...)

everyone looks so sad about what happened with haru =(

asahi is so cute. XD he's so awkwardly funny!!!

sousuke startling rin... hahaha

hmmm, rin and sousuke are talking about sousuke swimming in a race in the future. does this mean there will be another season???

"nagisacchi" ^__^

"kissme?" looooool

omg there are so many more races tomorrow. but there are only a few minutes left in the episode!!! a lot needs to happen in just a few minutes!!

"bye-bye!" ugh why is every single thing that happens in this show so cute???

what was makoto about to ask haru???

marinka date???? <3 <3 <3

hmm, so haru really is bothered by what ryuuji said earlier

makoto and rin are laughing like "our son is so precious." XD

the three seagulls are on a date too??

rin saying he'd support makoto, awww that's so sweet!!! <3

haru yelling and scaring the birds away... what did those birds do to you, haru????

and omg, rin and makoto were totally caught off guard by that!!!! (well i was too o___o)

haru is running into the ocean... in order to turn into a merman?!?!?!??!! (i have been thinking about mermen all season, you know.)

"what kind of teen drama is this?" it took you this long to figure out that you are in a teen drama, rin?? XD

ummm for real where are they going though???

there are seriously like three minutes left in the episode. ... ... how is everything going to fit into three mins?

haru's speed surpassed albert's?!?!? wasn't albert the alien god?? wow...

ryuuji is trying to sit there and analyze why haru lost, but... dude, it's kinda your fault!! you're telling haru some weird stuff about "giving something up" and it made him nervous! =(

"he keeps talking about stupid stuff like friendship and bonds..." IT'S NOT STUPID, IT'S FREE!!!!!!

okay. so i'm at 21:40 and the entire episode is 23:40. rin and haru have not raced yet?!?!?!?!

finally!!! here it is!!!!!!!

hey, there's some new song sung by the voice actors playing in the bg???? i'm feeling emotions again...

let's dive... to the future!!!!!!

hmm, crunchyroll must be having techincal difficulties. instead of playing the rest of the episode, they are showing random pictures of the characters. this technical glitch must be fixed immediately.

...

...

...

oh. it's not a glitch. it's the ACTUAL EPISODE. THE ACTUAL EPISODE CUT OFF RIGHT BEFORE HARU AND RIN'S RACE. WHAT THE F@#^@$&#%%!%#^@^#^$#^@!@#$#%#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE WAITED ALL SEASON TO SEE THIS RACE!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING, PEOPLE WHO CREATE THIS CRAZY SHOW???!?!?!?!?!?! WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO US?!?!?! WHY????? WHYYYYYY????????!?!?!?!!!?!?!?!   >=(

*tries to calm down?*

"blue destination," that's what this song is called.

haha i like the samezuka guys doing the same silly-looking pose.

huh? there's a scene with just a few seconds left in the episode? what could possibly happen in this amount of time?????

nanase is in the lead?? okay, but... that doesn't really answer the question of who won the race. it's possible that rin could catch up. but i guess if he did catch up, they would have said it?

the god alien sees that haru is setting a new record! hmmm are you jealous??? =)

"see you in 2020" ?!?!?!?!?!?!? so i have to wait two years to find out who won the race??? -__-UUU

wait, wait... that means... FREE HAS NOT ENDED!!!!!!!!! IT'S NOT OVER!!!!!! THIS ISN'T THE END!!!!!!! omg omg omg omg!!!!!! you guys. i didn't know this. i didn't know if there was going to be any more. wow wow wow!!!!!!! i finally got my reassurance!!! <33333333 oh my goodness!!!!!! this is extremely important to me!!! like i have said before, free! is my #1 favorite anime ever. i didn't want it to end right now. i need more!!! i'm so incredibly happy that it's not over yet! that makes me feel a lot better.

okay now. it's time for me to sum up not only this episode, but the season. first, the episode. this was an exciting, heart-thumping episode. i was nervous about everyone's races!!! especially rin and haru's, but... it was a disappointment that the race wasn't actually shown. i'll assume haru won because they mentioned that he was in the lead. but i'm not 100% sure!!!

ikuya and natsuya were lovely. i really liked that scene when they were hugging and they were clearly so proud of each other!!! it was so touching!! this is why i love this show. <3 and i was happy to see hiyori again too. everyone was reunited. everyone was realizing what their dreams are and finding their confidence. so it was an important episode;.

and... MARINKA!!!!!! i will be honest and say that i really wanted a makoharu moment. but i've gotta say, marinka is nice too. =) it was really funny to me how rin and makoto were both laughing at haru at the same time. they each gave haru the encouragement that he needed in that moment. they really got him fired up. when he suddenly yelled into the ocean, i was like "O__O uuuuhhhhh..." but it's good to see haru feeling motivated!! ^__^ the shot of the three of them lying together in the water was something that i think instantly became iconic.

the scene in the theme song (which didn't even play today?!?) where haru is screaming and looking like he's turning super saiyan (lol) was about haru's scream in this episode!! mystery solved. =)

so how'd i feel about this whole season? umm... EXCELLENT!!!!! everything was amazing!! the characters' relationships and emotions!!! the music!!! the animation!!! the voices!!!! just... everything. i am impressed with this anime, as always. i have so much appreciation for all of the people who put it together, because i like everything about it. that's why i didn't want to think about it ending. when i saw that it was coming back in 2020, i became very, very eager to know what would happen in the future!!! i want to dive to the future...

[erosjeon]

A rant; most of you will relate in a way

First of all, to all bullies out there just know that you're insignificant and a waste of air. Spread love not hate.

Okay so here we go. To help you get a small idea of my personality, I'm a mixture of Suga and Jungkook and I have severe trust issues when it comes to specific things I will touch upon later. I am a shy person needless to say and very quiet and observant so I'm able to pick up people's personality quite quickly.

To start of, I study a very competitive course at college/university so a lot of the people i meet and work with either are friends with me for mutusl help and benefit or to just simply use me. From my previous experience at school, i had developed trust issues with people regarding how well i do when it comes to exams becaude I was bullied LOADS for getting an A, people would ask me "Why the hell would you say you're stressed? You were just lying" & "You probably eat your book and you tell us your procrastinating" and bla bla and I really was, back then I'd used kpop as a way to stress relief but i managed to understand things although never finishing revision which makes me really stressed for the exam which is normal for any test taker right?

Anyhow! Fast forward to first year college, as a few would know it's really big and you dont usually get to make really personal friendships or relationships, i had focused that year to do really well since I had failed to get into medical school due to a stupid entrance exam, i wont deny that I'm a bright person in science so I managrd to do really well (after seeing my results) that year with however, much difficulty.

This one girl which i was acquaintances with had approached me that summer and kept sticking to me and clearly was using me for something i didnt know well, so when she asked me how did you find the exams? With honesty i said really difficult because i found all the exams difficult and hadnt managed to complete my revision. When i had gotten my results, I was like oh wow thats an amazing average but since I had told her I didnt do AMAZING, my phobias kicked in and i asked my best friend who didnt attend the same university for advice, and she said " if you dont even know her then dont tell her you can trust anyone because the course your in is practically the hunger games for people who want to do medicine " so i was like your right and i dont owe this girl anything, she kept bothering me for my exact % so i couldnt actually tell her the truthful one because like o said...' i didnt do amazing'

Fast forward second year after that, she stole a friend of mine that i made in my first year and i confronted her that she's pissing me off and i dont appreciate her trying to keep people away from me but i left them both anyway to focus on my studied cos they got so much harder, i suffer from anxiety and through summer it had slipped from my mouth to her and so she knee something about me, we made up 4 months afterwards and we helped each other by giving recordings of lectures if the other couldnt come and helping with assignments and let me make this clear (i had helped her when she asked me for help and i helped her when she asked me and I knew the question or something) i had also made another friend who knew sara, i liked her personality but again everyone in this course wants to know how everyone did and i had to keep my grade consistent. Like any normal human i struggled a lot and complained when they complained and etc, i was in a lot of stress but thankfully second year went alright not that good but its okay, the same story goes i had came up tp many exams knowong 3 or 4 topics out of 20 but i was lucky for most of the questions coming up on them, im good at picking out questions. The two girls had become friends also towards that summer.

Now in my third year, as always they've bothered me with my grades and I had no trust for them, because if you tell them you did well they will cast you out and try to make you fail. I didnt talk with any of them outside college and we were no where close, we just worked in groups and etc if it had to come to it. Just today i had sent an email to my tutor for a presentation i wouldnt be able to attend because of my illness, i had screenshotted the email and sent it to them because i wanted to let them know of the situation and that its all good cos the tutor said its fine.

One of the girls had looked up my grades using my id and found my grade, i am not feeling well and they both know but for some reason they cornered me just like i got bullied at school and got accused of using them? I had never used them because when you ask someone for something and they also ask you and you give, its called mutual benefit, so i was like if you were my friends you'd be happy, i didnt mean to lie about it but then i got accused of making up times i struggled and stressed, when they said that I knew saying anything more was useless and I was just getting more ill and anxious from it.

It was so funny to see how they completely switched a 180° on me, if i had used them and never helped i would be able to understand but i didnt trust any of them, the girl who had stolen both my friends and she made me unable to trust any, i just sat down and thought why couldn't anyone mind their own business? We all got similar coursework grades and they'd usually get higher but my exams balanced it.

This year i am struggling more because of family issues and my illness so obviously before this drama i had complained when they did that i had a lot to do, so much to catch up with which is piling up till today since I'm taking rest.

It had upsetted me, i wont deny that because I'm not suffering from a flu or just some fly by sickness, they were aware of it and knew that my anxiety would probably spike but they didnt care. Sadly, i had cared whenever they had a "flu" and stayed home and would be worried sick about them.

Ahh..Since this blog is completely anonymouss it helps to get things out and even with 1k followers which is an impossibly micro fraction of the world's population I want to let as many people as I can to never let someone control how you feel, no matter how much or little they mean to you.

All of my friends had laughed about how little trust they had to search for my grades and my family are as speechless as I am, I'm mad that I got hate for doing well, i write on this blog, keep up with BTS 24.7 and watch kdramas... i procrastinate a lot and its not a lie to fool anybody so ughhh. I dont care about them but it makes me angry and sad that i was wronged and accused of using them... i cant even.

I just need a hug, being a person who had self loath and depression which is evident in many of my works it's becoming hard for me to love myself.

[quackspot]

i am interested in dragon cookie..

here’s all i have of him on the wip i forgot a couple details but that’s normal for me JDKLSJFKLSJLKF whenever i doodle i normally forget things like the wings or the horns or even the teef,,, below the cut is more info about him

OK i usually just shitpost roleplay on ponytown and yeah i still do so its like his actual character, but not as evil as he could possibly be because im too kind to think of evil things or even get into said mindset

SO since i cannot think in an evil way i just made him a meanie who wants to be a villain 

as you can tell by the spelling on the wall he cant spell and he learns from comic books i dont even know how he learned how to read since apparently he doesnt know what a school is (that was a fun time to roleplay being dumb is fun)

i mean if you can’t tell from the cave he sleeps in his parents dont really do much for him and that makes him annoyed but he’s moved on from that 

he’s 17 and he’s always wanted to be a villain AND he never really matured that well so its kinda like a childlike goal

idk what happened in his childhood probably comic book reading and walking around and looking for food and looking for cookies to just hang out with 

he is mean to a cookie he really likes its my friend’s ship kid p mint (we both been knew there’s already a peppermint cookie but real brave people make ship kids/ocs with the same flavor) and that one’s a mintherb ship kid who smokes

he really likes to inhale the smoke because it smells like smoke… but mintier 

another ship kid who’s a firewind ship kid i made there kissed p mint a few tiems but he kisses everyone he’s maple 16 and he never learned boundaries but hey he was just made to b that age. hes actually like 2. hes babey in adult bodey,,,,,,,,

maybe dragon is too idk 

AND something i thought of yesterday in algebra when i was doodling and not getting progress (i was too nervous to ask for something anyways i did it at the end of class tho so yay???? i remember what i need to remember from my mistakes) i was like “what if his tail’s fire instead of his hair being somewhat fire somewhat hair” and now im thinkin about what ifi t’s both. i also thought of the fact that if his TAIL gets put out (its much more fire) then he poofs like his dad but it’d either be into his tail or into one of his teefs,,,,,,

personality-wise he’s very much more like his dumbass fire dad than the one that rides a dinosaur there’s very little difference BUT dragon is smarter and meaner than fire spirit who’s just tryin ta have fun

here’s a screenshot of somethin i did for a few characters (3 ship kids and fire spirit i roleplay them all but mostly dragon and fire spirit) it was done the day i learned about GOTE (Goal, Obstacle, Tactic, and Expectation) 

i remember that one time he saved someone from a lake and then realized he saved someone and said “wait im a villain sorry” and put them back into the lake which was cold and still is its ice on ponytown

i might finish the first picture because i got a bit of time before i go to school (its bc neither my brother nor i have to be there the first chunk of periods bc. tis what we call a block day,,,,)

also both this ref and a lil doodle ref (which i made first) were made in math my computer was almost dead JDSJLKFJSKLFJKLS

so basically:

hes mean but somewhat dumb (he’ll catch on to manipulation but only later)

this guy just wants other cookie’s approval in his villainy. their notice.

im actually surprised they haven’t noticed him he burns buildings down and steals from them beforehand and he does this a lot

one time he stole bandages from a hospital to help another cookie (who did look evil to him) and burned down the hospital 

anyways yeah that’s all i’ll share of him for now i guess 

[redvelvetvenom-blog]

the only thing i could be jealous of you for is your is your 10k fake tits

some days it hurts more than others but today it hurts more than anything to write, i dont want to do it/ todays like one of those days where i dont feel like myself. but today is also one of the first days this year that i have woken up and known what day of the week it is. todays also one of the first days i was productive. yeah, i cant believe it. actually i can. i mean look where i am. writing is the only way i can communicate effectively with people... when im talking i feel like im always searching for words or saying to much or not saying how i really feel. i feel like im annoying the person which honestly i dont really care about but in relationships where it matters i usually just isolate myself and ignore them because the thought of being misunderstood which is my reality scares me to death and makes me furious and just give up.  i havent been writing and i feel like my brain is in this disgusting knot i dont recognize. im focused on irrelevant shit like jen and her lies and my nails and bleaching my asshole (actually that one  is important) and making peter not think im 12, and stewart losing interest in me, when im completely apathetic about my future and my physical and mental heath and making friends or having a job. its gross. i am gross. although i am the most attractive i have ever been i am also the most ugly and un put together on the inside as ihave ever been. its funny cause a year ago when i was writing and also dealing with a lot of loss, and going for days without sleep, dealing with my rape (more than one unfortunelty), and completely losing it due to the dope, i was somehow okay because i was writing. its like my own self medication. without writing my thoughts, its like i cant speak or think. and so maybe that sounds stupid but i cant explain how good it feels, as scary as it was to start, to speak again. i was so scared. i wouldnt admit it to myself, i just would ignore it all together. but i was so fucking scared to write, to type to be more specific. i could write in my diary, that would be slow and my hand would hurt and id NEVER be able to catch up to my thoughts. and thats been this whole year. its been a whole year. tina is a bully. i dont like her, but i feel like i cant live without her, and being an ex heroin addict, i feel pretty stupid saying that. but i am not a functional drug addict. some people are. infact, most people on here tumblr, “tumblr tweaker girls” or whatever or hashtag tweaker nation seem like they are doing more than just fine. like it hasnt completely destroyed their life like it has mine. but its funny because i was one. atleast until some dude decided to start blackmailing me because he found my page but he is irrelavant and so is that and not worth my time to talk about. moral of the story: dont bitch if you post videos on tumblr of you smoking meth in your bra. its not private, even if your tumblr is. anyone can figure out how to get the software to download your videos or pictures or whatever. well besides the obvious screenshot. anyways, ive come to the long and painful but unavoidable conclusion that stewart is not worth my time and wasnt since he moved up there. i should have never talked to him after the car incident because as much as i love him and it hurts, that was not fucking acceptable and me doing meth isnt an excuse for him to take it personally and lash out on me or punish me by pretending i dont exist. i just had so much happen and with all of that came low self esteem and with all the lies i was telling it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to feel good about myself. i guess it comes with borderline personality disorder but all that shit is nonsense to me because theyre going to find anything they can wrong with people and slap a name on it and then tell you your not normal. everyones fucked up, i am extremely fucked up and im okay with that. i cant understand it all now, fuck im only 20. up until this year i was ashamed of everything i did and everything that made me who i am, and its so hard to break out of that. in all honesty, i still dont really believe i am beautiful with or without makeup and thats fucking not true but i am insecure. but in the grand scheme of things, life is way to short to feel bad about yourself the way i do. i know that. life is to short to be in a haze trying to forget about everything and going through the motions, as lame as that sounds. ive been doing that and ive been waiting to die subcontiously because the truth is i dont really value my life like i should and i havent learned how to be happy on my own. i am the most materialistic person i know, and that unlike everything else i am not ashamed of because i know that it is so far rooted me that theres no use in denying it or being embarrassed because its not my fault, its the only way i know how to feel better. its always been. but the fact that i constantly feel like i need something to fill this hole is getting ridiculous and so is my shoplifting. i am way to fucking good at it and i have gotten away with it to many times to where its become my biggest addiction. i didnt really even notice it till a few months ago. ive noticed that everyone who does dope has a hustle, well almost everyone. atleast of the people i know. some of them are stupid, others are brilliant but not thought out as well as they could be or excecuted in the right manner, and some are like the expected, selling drugs or your pussy. i kind of am ashamed because my “hustle” is retarded, and i want a job more than anything. unfortunately my social security card has been stolen 3 times already this year and i cant get another one,  i cant even dance. i dont know how it started, but for about a year now, ive just been living off whoever i could, and the bare minimum. bare minimum is a broad term, because somehow i still have a car and a cat and expensive makeup, an iphone 7,hair products and my drug habbit supplied, but i dont know for how long. ok. honestly time. i dont like it anymore than i like the fact that i am a slave to this chemical but i have spent the last year filling my days with going from store to store stealing shit. anything from iphone cases to shoes to greeting cards to lingerie, you get it. ive gone into several stores and filled up my shopping cart and then just walked out. im not bragging.. its pathetic. in fact im sure no one is reading this anyway and im more than okay with that. the point of this page is for me and to be able to keep a record of my thoughts without having to worry about anyone i know reading it and so i can go back and read it, like an online diary. i got the idea from jenna from awkward but im not sure what she used for hers. i used to have one but had to delete my page because of all the drug related pictures and videos i had posted of myself, which unfortunately i can still find on youtube or here if i really try. i am ashamed, but a little less then before i wrote all of this. this is my truth. and my voice and my last little shred of sanity i have to cling onto because its the only way i know how and i dont even feel like i know or trust myself anymore. if you dont want to read this then please dont waste your time, the less followers the more i can make sense of this war inside my mind.. also please no messages trying to help me or anything, its annoying and i dont need your help. thanks, its 9am and im passing the fuck out. goodnight. more for nxt time <3 bbygrlldz

[tumblunni]

Oh yeah I TOTALLY FORGOT to talk about environmental monsters lol

Okay well what I mean is.. in games with enemies roaming on the map, why don’t we ever see them doing anything? They only ever home in on you when they see you. Everyone in the entire world does nothing except run screaming at you to initiate a battle. No matter what the enemy is, no matter what the story is, no matter the genre. its even rare to see minimal differences like some enemies running and hiding, or whatever.

And like.. i can understand this in some genres, at least. In some genres ‘creating a vivid world’ isn’t really a priority, or there’s an actual reason for all the enemies to attack on sight, like if its a stealth game infiltrating a base. or it might just be hardware engine limitations of the time. i think the majority of this trope used to be because it wasnt possible to do anything else on those consoles, and its stuck around even on more powerful consoles just cos its “a tradition”... I think this idea could specifically be very useful in monster-catching games, where the goal is to find them and gain their power. Having ones that appear on the map and run away or hide would be a better form of challenge than some of the bullshit in pokemon where there’s a 0.5% of fishing up a certain fish only on five tiles out of 140. And like.. the weaker more basic ones could just stand around doing cute animations instead of chasing you down. Chasing you down is only a challenge instead of an annoyance when the chaser like.. actually poses a threat. For minor monsters where the aim is literally just “allow player to enter this encounter” then.. do that. They can stand still in a predictable spot so its easier, and they can have cute animations so it doesnt draw attention to the fact they’re just standing there. Plus there’s loads of other ways you could make it difficult to get them! like ones that camoflage with the scenery or have different movement patterns for their escape, or only appear under specific conditions!

but BASICALLY the concept i mean here is that... I want to run through a field and see monsters everywhere I want to be able to run past ones that don’t attack I want to see them interacting with their environment as if it’s real I want encounters that’re possibly completely optional I want to be able to find little secrets of monsters being cute that i can take a screenshot of i want a world that’s memorable as if its a travel trip i want all the fun of actual animal-watching!!! ^_^

IDEAS!

* Peaceful grazing herbivores in a field. * Shake bushes or flip over rocks to find smaller bug monsters. * Flying monster that can only be caught during a brief window of time when it swoops down to eat smaller monsters. you have to find which small prey is marked as its next target, by seeing a shadow overhead. And then when you engage that prey in battle, instead you get the rare flyer! kinda like the shaking grass that gives you audino in pokemon BW? * Monsters hiding up in trees who only emerge when they cant see you, and jump back up when they can. So you have to avoid their line of sight and wait until they appear, or set traps for them. * Similar sort of thing with monsters in burrows? But you could perhaps get a shovel item to bypass this restriction, at the cost of permenantly destroying that monster spawn spot. You’d get a horde battle with all of the rabbits at once and they’d be angry and harder to catch.

* Possibly having to balance ecosystem stuff like that? you can only fight a certain amount of a certain monster during a single adventure, and have to wait various different times for them to respawn. Perhaps areas have sorts of levels for the ecosystem too, so stronger monsters with higher chances of rare abilities would start appearing if you favor a certain area a lot. And maybe a few choices at certain levels where you could kinda customize it? like go on a quest to improve one part of the ecosystem which will increase the amount of one monster and decrease another. Or there’s two rare species that have just been sighted but theyre competing for the same territory and only one of them will stay- you get the choice of which side to help out.

* Possibly monsters who have rivalries! If you happen to initiate a battle with one monster while its predator is within eyesight, it’ll join the battle and help you fight against it. or you might have certain monsters that’re rare because they spawn near their predator and you have like a time limit to catch it before the other monster does. or maybe lesser rivalries instead of eating each other- like two different patterned variants of peacock who do elaborate dance battles! Thei AI could switch from peaceful to aggressive whenever there’s more than one of them together.

* Possibly monsters could have schedules? like, a time-based system of changes for this ecosystem. More than just only finding certain ones at night, they’d all have their own set walk-routes of being available in different sections of the area depending on the time of day. Figure out the brief time window for a very rare creature, and enjoy that satisfying feeling of pulling off a successful ambush. And maybe different cute idle animations that make you feel like they have a life outside of when you’re there. See the wildebeast herd making their daily trip to the watering hole, see birds digging up worms, see baby lion cubs playing chasing games together while mama and papa watch~! This would work really well with having an integrated screenshot system, and maybe some achievements for getting certain rare photo ops? * Maybe this could also relate to the rivalries? like, have two monsters whose schedule runs on wildly different timescales, and only matches up once in a full moon to have them both competing over the same food source in the same area.

* A good hints system would probably be necessary if we’re gonna pull this off. Or at least a logbook that keeps track of details you’ve already found about each monster. Encounter it at a certain time of day and its written down now, etc. And have a general idea of how many different times and different behaviours you havent found yet. * Could have various npcs who reward you for different things instead of just for catching X monsters or defeating X monsters. Like ones who just want you to find out what time you can find that monster, or what its favourite food is so they can lure it. these could help give you the hints towards finding rarer secrets!

* Hoarder monsters. A rare archetype which can reward you for finding their nest during a time that theyre NOT there! Like squirrels burying their nuts or magpies stealing shiny and potentially valuable things. You have a chance of scoring a bunch of useful items, even if it makes you feel like a bit of a jerk. * Monsters who’re sleeping on the world map and you have to sneak past them to not wake them up (if theyre dangerous) or sneak up to them instead (if theyre ones that normally run away) * Possible ability to lure in monsters by throwing food, or chase them away with stuff like smelly salts or items theyre scared of. (Giant cat: *no like banana*)

* Pet button. not many monsters are tame enough to just accept it immediately, outside of the ones in the basic tutorial area. But it can be super rewarding to win a monster’s trust and be able to do this! It’d be like a small chance of capturing them without a battle, and be boosted by taking various actions that particular monster likes. * Maybe not all of them are as simple as just giving them food they like and being unthreatening? There might be monsters who respond positively to ‘bad’ actions, like ones who respect you for seeming tough and simply think you’re too boring to deal with if you seem unthreatening. Maybe even ones who want to see you prove yourself in battle? So if you fight enough other monsters in the area, suddenly all these ones start following you around cutely and practically forcing theirself into your team! Oh, and also maybe if you defeat the predator or rival of a certain monster?

* Similarly, other forms of affection and temporary allyship you can have with monsters even before you catch them. Like maybe monsters that’re teetering on the edge of trusting you might display certain behaviours to try and convince you to catch them, and then you can benefit from that for a little while before they get frustrated and leave. The ones who respect your toughness might join you in fights as a guest party member, or reward you with an item for every fight you finish within their time limit. * Probably the most common and useful temporary allyship would be mountable wild monsters! Cos I’m thinking maybe how many mons in your party would be determined by ‘party points’ or something, rather than each taking up one slot. mount monsters are bigger so you could take one of them or like six small monsters for the same amount of upkeep. Finding a good reliable mountable wild mon and bringing all the stuff you need to befriend it will help you cut costs on your adventure! Tho probably they have more limited abilities compared to a tamed mount, like worse obedience and stuff.

* The design of this monster is something I’m gonna enter into a kickstarter backer reward thing, so i probably won’t be able to still use it in other projects afterwards. But here’s the idea I had for that Sombul monster if it was in a game style like this! I was thinking it could be one of those sleeping on the map type monsters, but also it fights back with sleep magic when awakened. So it just puts you to sleep and then falls back asleep next to you XD There could probably be other monsters that evade you using other techniques instead of regular fighting. Various sorts of stunning or weakening your attacks, so they can run away while you’re distracted! But I think Somnul in particular would be super cute if it doesn’t even run away afterwards. Its just like the ultimate no-sell “NO FIGHTING” monster who you can only catch by befriending it. And even its no-sell just has it cuddle up to your sleepy self and take a nap too~ Probably its befriending technique would be to just sit down next to it and go to sleep on your own. I know i’d really wanna just lay around and watch the monsters frolicking in a game like this~ Weird ghostie friend admires your napping technique! It joined your party! Woo!