#i cant see them apart i will literally end myself

[willboland]

they're fucking your honour

[mewtwo24]

You know reading vol 5 of mdzs before all the rest (don't ask me why I'm a clown and there were Circumstances) has to be the craziest experience of my life. Because it took all of ten minutes of wwx talking to literally hit me so hard in the gut I had to sit down and listen to really loud music for a while to calm down.

Who needs therapy when mxtx is alive and writing, I guess????? 🤡

Can't wait to get to the actual tragic parts I just know I'm gonna be that "help" frog phone meme

[ilovebuckers5]

*•♡never be like you ♡¸.•*'

nika muhl x cheerleader!reader

"I wanna hold the hand inside you. I wanna take the breath that's true"

word count - 3.4k

themes :

-fluff

-comfort

-toxic rls

warnings :

-arguing

-mentions to abuse

-explicit language

-iowa winning

A/N - did I get you guys. y'all really thought I would wait any longer to post this....

"can we please not do this ash."

i practically pleaded for my boyfriend to not argue with me before a big performance.

it was the day I had been waiting for since I was ever even notified that there would be a uconn game against iowa. I couldn't be dealing with relationship issues right before.

i attempted slipping on my skirt in the bathroom while my boyfriends voice was ringing in my ear no matter how much I tried to ignore it. I hate arguments. especially when they are stupid and have no point in even happening.

"no we are doing this now I don't care! you need to tell me the truth before you leave." Asher growled from outside the bathroom door. part of me wanted to swing the door open and break his nose but I knew that I didn't have time for that. so I gently but swiftly opened the door and forced my eyes into his with probably the most 'i'm not fucking around right now' look I'd ever given him. which is shocking with all of the arguments we've gotten into.

"Asher just fucking stop! I wasn't anywhere, I was literally sitting on the bench waiting for katie to pick me up! why is that so hard for you to comprehend." I pull my face away from his and before I could close the door and continue getting ready I whisper under my breath "its like you want me to cheat on you." the door was about to latch onto the door frame when his pale and veiny hand gripped onto the wooden edge. "what the fuck did you just say?" shit.

he then swung the door open with a force I've never seen before and a wave of fear flushed through my head. there were already tears welling up in my eyes from the yelling and now this just made them fall down my face. inside I was screaming incoherently at his face, slamming the door on his fingers and bashing his head around the room.

this has happened too many times. where we argue and I end up bruised or crying and I have to walk to Natalie's place and cry even more but into her arms instead. there's been too many times where Asher gets away with shit that no other man could get away with. and too many fucking times have I stayed.

his hand was peeled away from the edge of the door and I swear there was hot lava falling out from his eyes instead of guilt tripping tears. "why do you do this to me y/n? it hurts." he dramatically let his hand fall into his palms as more tears fell from his clearly angered eyes. most times I would let myself feel guilty and sorry for him as if I was the one that did the hurting. but this time I was done. nothing was officially over but the moment definitely was. he's going to have to find a way to win my attention back this time.

i tightened my pony tail and grabbed my cheer bag before walking out of our apartment, slamming the door behind me. it was so early in the morning that the sun was only rising as I walked out the door. I'm almost positive that everyone else on the team was asleep so I had to walk to practice. I was only a couple steps into my long walk when a car pulled up in front of me. well not in front but beside me. I continued walking until a window was rolled down and I heard a familiar voice call out.

"yo are you good?"

i was not. I had tears streaming down my face and I probably looked like I was just thrown in a pit of piranhas, but I cant say that.

"huh?" I turn my head to the side to see a white BMW pulled over. the voice I had heard earlier had a very memorable accent in it. Nika Muhl. 5'10 point guard. pretty hair. pretty eyes. just pretty.

"are you okay?" another voice reached out from the drivers seat of the car. Paige Bueckers of course. I finally looked down from my own height and saw a the brunette looking up at me with kinda eyes. her head was slightly tilted to the side while she waited for me to answer her question. "oh. uh." I waited a moment.

just before this I was telling myself that I wasn't going to put up with asher's bullshit anymore. that included hiding what was going on. Asher put me through shit. I mean he curb stomped my head on a pile of shit and dragged my face through it with his bare hands and never felt any regret.

"n-no not really." yeah I did that. fuck you Asher. the feeling of just admitting that I wasn't made the rest of my tears started to drain back into my eye sockets. I could see it in Nika's eyes that she felt bad even if she was smiling and laughing. she popped open the car door and tapped her lap. "well c'mon." she swayed her head, gesturing for me to literally crawl over her lap and get into the backseat, as there isn't a back door. I didn't want to be rude so I sighed and crawling over Nika's lap and into the backseat. I was hovering over her long enough to smell the beachy sunscreen smelling perfume she had on. her hands grazed my thigh that was exposed after my skirt had started to hang down from my position. thank God the cheer uniforms had shorts under the skirts because when I was almost in the back seat next to Ice Brady and KK Arnold, my skirt lifted up right in Nika's face. I almost fell face first into the backseat before I felt Nika's hands grip onto my waist to support me until I was sitting down. I let out a sharp and quick sigh while fixing my hair and and un-ruffling my skirt, I looked into the driver seat to see Paige holding back tears of laughter. I could practically see how red Nika was from the back of the head rest she had her hair pressed against.

i didn't expect the car ride to be as comforting as it was. the entire drive was basically just the girls either singing or asking me questions about cheer. it was all fine before Nika decided to speak up about why I was sobbing on the sidewalk.

"so what was going on with you earlier? before we very obviously saved your ass." I couldn't help but laugh at her remark but quickly got more serious when Paige turned down the music so everyone could hear me. I felt like I was put on a stage with a microphone in a pretty pink dress waiting to win Miss America with everyone's eyes on me while they waited for me to answer.

"oh it was nothing just stuff about my boyfriend...." I tried to shake off the question even though a part of me wanted to scream how much I hated him. I trailed off and glanced to the side to find an unconvinced KK staring at me. KK is funny, I always see her jumping around after a win and shes always filled with energy.

I shrugged and threw my head back before actually giving in. "fine. he's like, really shitty honestly. I want to break up but I can't." the car was silent for a couple seconds while I patiently waited for someone to speak. "what way of shitty? like wants to break up constantly but wont or like- another way of shitty" Paige asked without making any eye contact.

another way for sure. every other way that you could think of Paige.

"guilt tripping manipulative way I guess?" I said, my voice slightly cracking. Nika clicked her tongue as she reached around her seat and looked back at you. "you know you don't have to stay. I know its hard to not stay but you aren't obligated to stay." thank you. that the only thing I was needing to hear in the past year I had been with Asher. I know I'm not obligated to stay with him but Jesus it feels like it. "thanks." the car ride was silent for a couple more minutes before Paige pulled into the driveway of my cheer practice building.

I was just about to get out of the car before realizing that ice was in front of the door I should've been getting out of. I had to crawl over Nika's lap again. I tossed my duffel bag into her lap and its like she could read my brain when she opened her door and gently set the bag out side. but this time she put down her car seat so that there was a (mainly) flat surface for me to crawl over. instead of crawling, I lifted my feet over Nika's body first and then slid myself over her. my ass gently bumps against her lap, almost sending a loud gasp from my lips. there her hands were again. I thought everything was going by quickly but she still had enough time to wrap her fingers around my waist and lifted me from the back seat out the door.

it was honestly hard for me to speak after having to be that close to a practical stranger in the span of 20 minutes but I tried my best.

"thank you guys for the ride. good luck on your game!" as I was waving goodbye while walking down the sidewalk towards the door of the building, Nika yelled out.

"y/n? I'll see you there right?"

oh my fuck she wants to see me at the game. she actually WANTS me to be there.

all I could manage to do without folding over and passing out of the concrete was throw a thumbs up from behind me and continue walking. the moment I stepped or slid out of that car, all the thoughts came back, rushing through my head. how the fuck was I supposed to focus on cheer when my relationship was on the brink of ending. I felt tears well up in my eyes just thinking about it. obviously I wanted things to end but its been a year and a couple months. I don't know how I was going to just break up and be fine. when I swung open the doors to my cheer studio I saw coach and couple other girls sitting down, tying their shoes and fixing each other's hair. coach waved at me once I got through the door. I made my way over to the other girls and gave them each a hug with a very fake warm smile plastered on my face.

"hiii, are you okay you look like you've been crying?" Taylor spoke in a soft, caring mom kind of tone. why is everybody so worried about if I was crying or not. its not that big of a deal just let me cry. I nodded aggressively "mhm. yeah I'm good." the two girls, Taylor and Caydence, looked at each other and they obviously could see through me. I held back even more tears when they shrugged their shoulder continued talking, I knew they didn't believe me but they didn't push an answer out of me like Nika and Paige.

a part of me has always been interested in basketball but the other part kept telling me that I was talented enough or masculine enough. Nika was always an inspiration to me even before I started cheering for UConn. sometimes after practice, as long as there is no performances and I'm not being held back by my coach, I like to go to the public gym and practice basketball by myself. every time I do, I always wish that there was someone there to practice with me. that is part of the reason I went on to cheer for UConn basketball.

i was still stretching when some more girls off the team walked through the door. makeup done, lashes curled ready to go. I still sat in the corner with a couple mascara streaks running down my face. sadly, there weren't any wipes anywhere in the studio so I had to sit with dried cracky mascara on my face instead of my lashes. I stood up after stretching and actually set my bag and water bottle down at some benches before going up to my best friend, Farah, and squeezing her tightly. she had just walked through the door holding a bag with her cheer supplies and another that had a bow tied around it. it wasn't too big but definitely noticeable. my eyes were immediately drawn to it but I waited for her to bring it up after we finished hugging.

"don't act like you aren't wondering what's in here." she shook the yellow back in front of me, letting me take it out of her hands. I scrimmaged through it and found a piece of paper in the bottom. it looked blank until I flipped it over.

mother fucking Farah.

"YOU GOT ME TICKETS TO OLIVIA RODRIGO? WHAT THE FUCK?" I squealed loud enough for the entire team and coach to hear. all eyes were on me but I didn't care. there was literally no reason for Farah to do this at all. shes just a really fucking nice person. she bent over, holding her stomach with laughter pouring out of her mouth. I felt all sorts of feelings rushing through me. confusion, happiness, more confusion, a little bit of sadness because there was only one ticket at the bottom of the bag.

that when everything died down. I realized that she only got one? no way.

"wait did you-" I began to question but Farah stopped me by shoving her finger over my lips.

"nope." she pulled out her hand from her bag and there were two other tickets. why two? why two. two. fuck.

"for Asher!" she held onto my wrists more excited than she was walking inside of the studio. that giddy smile on her face fell quickly. there is no way I'm bringing Asher with to a concert that he wouldn't even give a shit about. all he'd care about is getting in my pants afterwards because my feet will hurt too much to walk away and say no. I pulled myself towards Farah's ear and whispered softly "Asher cannot come with. I'm planning on breaking up with him."

Farah's eyes widened once I pulled my mouth away from her ear. all she did was nod and dropped my hands back to my side. we walked over to the bench and continued waiting for the rest of the team to show up.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

practice went smooth. now its about to start. UConn and Iowa. fuck I'm nervous. I've been a UConn fan for years and this game is one of the things I've always wanted to see in person. they start introducing players while the cheer squad was doing our main routine to the rhythm of a random Taylor swift song. I think it's I knew you were trouble. ironic. the one thing I was not allowed myself to think of was Asher. if I wanted to think about him I would just trick myself into thinking about Nika. wait that came out wrong. anyways. I was just let down on the floor after doing a thigh stand and the team continued dancing until it was finally tip off. I scurried off the court with the rest of my team and sat to the side while a couple girls above me kept moving around with pom poms. we got the ball first and stayed in the lead for a while.

as much as I was pretending to focus on the shots all the players were making, I couldn't peel my eyes away from Nika. she was on Caitlin Clark's ass. not even letting her shoot a three pointer. shes doing so good. she had her hands surrounding the ball, barely letting Clark shoot at all. I admire her for her defensive skills. I believe her aggression really helps with that. shes passionate. she obviously wants to win but on court it looks like shes playing with her life on the line. but she does it with ease. the one thing I kept forgetting was that this could be her last college game. ever. no one knows where shell go after UConn. lots of people are saying overseas and I think that would be the death of me. I watched every move she made. not in a stalker way but in an invested in her game way. the way her hair swayed back and forth while she shuffled around Caitlin. the way she already had a couple balls of sweat falling off of her forehead. I would be lying to myself if I didn't think she looked really hot right now.

and I'm up again. Caydence was holding onto my hips before she tossed me in the air, I landed on her and angels palms before flipping off and landing feet flat on the floor. still holding a pretty fake smile on my lips. once it was someone else's turn to do a crazy flip, I took the chance and looked back at the bench, watching as Nika took multiple sips out of a Gatorade water bottle. her hand rested on Paige shoulder while she shot something that probably motivational and worded beautiful to Paige's ear.

the game was going smooth until the 4th quarter. I could feel my blood boiling while watching the timer tick lower and lower without our score going higher. this cant be happening. 3.9 seconds on the clock. I could practically feel the vibrations of every UConn fan tapping their feet waiting for someone to shoot a three pointer and give us the win. but no. a foul was called on Aaliyah. I don't think it was a foul but what do I know.

as much as I was desperate for us to win, I knew we wouldn't be taking home the win this time. 4.6 seconds. now Paige. what is it with these bullshit calls.

i never liked Iowa. in my opinion, Clark is good at basketball but can be conceited and over hyped. of course I didn't want anyone to come at me with that when Iowa "wins the natty" so i'll have to keep that in my head for now.

i started calming down, trying to accept the fact that there wasn't a point going on but they from the far side of the court I saw Caitlin Clark. the basketball player dubbed as the goat and a women's basketball savior, bounce a basketball off of her so called friend? fuck that shit. I almost stood up and sprinted across the court. me and Paige may not be close but I cant take shit like that. Farah rested her hand on my thigh, telling me to not do anything. because its "out of my control"

it could be in mine. just saying.

and just like that, number 20 gets the ball, throws it in the air, and declares the win for Iowa. I could physically feel my face getting hotter with each tear I saw fall from Nika's eyes. Iowa doesn't deserve this. they have everything. and UConn gave up everything. I couldn't stop myself from crying too. I shoved my face in my hands trying to dry the tears that were slowly ruining my eye makeup/ I feel fucking terrible. how could UConn give so much for this and barely get anything back. just the noise of all the Iowa fans cheering and laughing and the sight of them smiling made me sick. I wont even hide it. I was jealous. jealous that they had such dick riding refs.

who said that.

i wanted, so badly, to stand up and wrap my arms around Nika and Paige and Aaliyah and all the others to just give them some sort of recognition but we had to go. coach led us through the tunnel and that was it. I sat on a bench in our locker room, debating what to do.

and I figured out what to do. right then and there.

even with my hands on my forehead, crying and stressing, the inside of me was happy because I knew that someone wouldn't be feeling so bad on April 22nd.

[littlebugs]

𝖌𝖍𝖔𝖘𝖙 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘

established relationship!ghost headcannons warnings: fem reader, reader is kinda couquetteish (tbh i wrote this for myself), fluff, ooc characters, bartender!reader, sfw, not proofread im so sorry ): rafs bloo notes: basically when i can't find what i want to read i write it lmao. also i tried to make the reader british (i said pub once)

.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .

you've been together for a year now

you guys met in a pub close to the base he was staying at, you looked at his skull mask, shrugged, and then didn't say a word about it. he came back every day after that.

little things mean a lot to him

you saw his face after only a month of dating, what can i say the man got comfy quick asf

he's always the big spoon. always. he just liked to protect you )):

he doesn't know how to make any food other than tea (which you argue isn't food but he says "it has nutrients")

he's always joking about the guys at work who have very odd names like soap??? gaz????

which leads to you meeting them (completely on "accident")

because the guys are hanging out in the break room and simon goes to the bathroom

without his phone.

like whats the worst that can happen really?

but then he gets a call from "pookster 🥰" with a picture of you in a pink sundress !!

all the guys are like silent until simon gets back

and he's like "the bloody hell is wrong with you?" and soap points at his phone

so like the guys they are they quite literally follow simon home because what's he gonna do? kill them ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა (probably)

simon drives a truck dont argue with me

and so simon's kind of pissed but also he gets to show his girl off cus ya knows ya fine (;

he's unlocking the door to the apartment and soap and gaz are standing there whispering to eachother

they're discussing the odds of l.t having a girlfriend like she didn't just pop up on his phone.

simon opens the door and you're all up in your matching itty bitty pink top and shorts with pink ribbons in your hair like ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

and you see the two guys in military outfit staring at you like an alien so you invite them in for chinese takeout

ghost is pissed

gaz actually has a good time

soap is kind of perplexed the whole time

"now ghost, how'd ya score a lass like tha-" "shut the bloody hell up johnny"

after dinner ghost decides to be mr grumpster )): so you watch tv with him in bed all night

he radiates a lot of body heat

like more than a toaster

so much that at night you'll actually be sweating but you cant escape him because his arms are BUILT

it doesn't even matter how much you weigh this man can throw you across the room like an entire ragdoll- but he wouldn't ever dream of hurting you //:

he's a big guy. he's huge (hardy har har)

so of course you steal all of his sweatshirts (they're big asf)

he smells like cologne and faintly gunsmoke

you always tell him to use more laundry detergent but you're pretty sure he never listens

other than tea he can only cook one thing which is lamb (and its actually pretty good)

nobody ever really taught him how to cook and you only know how to make drinks so you guys improvise a lot

mommy issues ):

he's so scared you'll leave him you always have to tell him that you would never !!

he's afraid that when he's on deployments he might come back and you just wouldn't be there.

he's always checking on you at work

(if we're talking MWII) this man can bend the rules a little to check his phone. anyways who's gonna tattle on him seriously

always texting "how are you?" "thinking of you" "hope you have a good day"

anytime soap catches him on his phone he goes "texting pookster?"

price overheard one time and was very confused

lets just say by the end of the day the whole task force knows about you

if anything ever happens you've got a military team to defend you so life is looking good tbh

[missy-0-piink]

Hi! I saw that you have open requests for Tokyo Revengers. 👉🏻👈🏻😳

Honestly, my one and only true love has always been Mikey so after finally finishing the manga recently I couldn't help myself in having unholy thoughts about him once more 😩... Just thinking about rimming Mikey has me going feral, so could you please write something about it? 👉🏻👈🏻🥺

Awgh 😫

Which mikey thoughhhhhh

Bc like, my personal fav is Bonten Mikey always 🫶🥺

And godddddd could you imagine?! He’d be so fucking delicious as he stays on all fours, head lowered as he trembles at the way your tongue flicks against his rim

He’s quiet at first, before he gets comfortable, but the way his body twitches and tenses and trembles when you hit the right spots tells you all you need to know

His breath keeps hitching when you lick across his taint, and he knows it’s filthy but it feels so good and the way you knead his thighs and buttocks, spreading them apart makes him mewl quietly

He’s nervous at the prospect of making himself so vulnerable in front of another, years of violence attributing to that, but the way you’re so soft with him makes him melt against his will

He knows he shouldn’t let his guard down, not even to people he trusts, but you make it so hard with your kind words and gentle touches

He jolts when you actually suck his hole, a startled whimper leaving him as the feeling sends bursts of pleasure through his system

“Are you alright, Manjirou?” You ask so softly, so sweet to him and it makes him lose that little thread of self control he had

He pushes hit ass slightly back towards your face, chasing your mouth, a soft whine leaving him,

“Yes.” He gasps out, looking back at you over his shoulder, and god, the view of his glossy eyes and needy face slightly obscured by his hair makes you throb with arousal.

“Please, (name)” he begs so quietly, his voice wobbly and you cant deny him when he looks like that at you

You dive back in, although not without placing a sweet kiss to his rim, and literally make out with his fluttering hole, one hand keeping his cheeks spread and the other fondling his heavy balls and thumb pressing down on his perineum

The sensation has him letting out a choked off moan as his shoulders tense, arms gripping the sheets like a lifeline

“(Name)-“ he gasps out like a prayer, “please!”

His voice is so needy and so is his body, and you can feel him tremble against your mouth

“It’s alright baby, I’ll take care of you,” you soothe, and you swear you can see his eyes watering with unshed tears

————

Sorry it ended so abruptly, but I didn’t know if you wanted him to cum by rimming or not, so I settled with a little snippet instead

Hope you enjoy! I know I did 😏

Also, which mikey is are your guys’ favourite? Mine is Bonten Mikey, but Manila Mikey makes me cry as well, and the og timeline Mikey was actually pretty hot ngl LMAO

[smallestdogswilldie]

ok you know what makes me sad. as like a former self proclaimed misandrist man hater that would cry and scream about how much it sucks to live in a mans world etc etc etc put estrogen in the water fountains (was never a terf. yall can still die)

for anyone who is still… like that… how can you live in that hatred and misery every day. are women paid less yes are we denied reporductive care by old fart men who are going senile and some by some middle aged women yes. are men statistically like responsible for almost all violent crime and child crimes yes. the more you focus on this shit JUST TO GET MAD ? No ACTION? your fucking soul will get torn apart. genuienly whats the fucking point of just sitting in a circle and hating men. its such a stupid fucking “personality trait” to GENUINELY hate all men sorry babe but you are self harming your soul is shriveling. im sorry please cope. i dated a “””bi””” man because i “hated straight men” for 2 1/2 years…

tldr i hated “masculine” men so much i ended up in a loveless touch deprived relationship with a man who wouldnt touch me because he was actually gay (didnt feel the need to tell me this for 2 1/2 years..) nothing wrong with that but you see where my hatred of MASCULINITY landed me. in a relationship that was about to kill me from stress trying to figure out why i was untouchable because i chose the most feminine man in the midwest to date. hitting myself with sticks in the forest hoping someone would come kill me all because i refused to date a straight man. SWORE never to date a straight man. then i fucking did and hes normal. are they all? not at all. maybe i got lucky but im sorry. girls who are attracted to men but hate them genuinely just are in a cycle of not knowing how to pick them or of unresolved trauma. its on you to fix that. are they going to say sorry? no 😂 so YOU fix it because we all have to.

are the majority of straight cis men uneducated, rude, bigoted and kind of stupid? yes! literally yes. if you feel some type of way or anger towards men because of trauma i ABSOLUTELY understand. but we still gonna need a therapist tho girl. i cant even feel bad if you don’t address your issues and spew hatred at half the population for no other reason than to hear your own voice, and making no effort to heal yourself.

i like to believe, ground breaking statement here, that some straight men are actually great fucking people with manners and decorum and emotional intelligence. do you have to risk it to find them? yes. is it worth it? yeah. 1000000x over. there is beauty in TRUSTING SOMEONE. if they hurt you? ok ouch! do whatever has to be done to keep loving. you cannot shut yourself behind reinforced fucking bars because 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 men hurt you. easier said than done yes esp if you have trauma. do you have no desire to HEAL????? and become full of love again???? stop w the bullshit. like actually its tired childish and im going to say it its pessimistic, annoying and posionous. keep that shit to yourself until you resolve that shit. or dont and shut the fuck up!!!

some of us are trying to keep faith which you clearly have lost. and its a sick, stinky attitude to have. keep it to yourself because it makes anyone with a healthy relationship and attraction to men feel like a wet blanket. like sorry that happened to you and you havnt put any effort into healing and that you are seething with hate. its not my problem. survive like the rest of us and for your heart health, literally get help before you have a heart attack or get ulcers.

[ghostherlig]

no no let’s get you started on talking about railao breeding kink! (I meant to send that yesterday but completely forgot 🤣 please talk about railao and trans railao and t4t railao please I am so starved and desperate for them. Also, moment of silence for the lost fics, that is literally the worst feeling in the world 🫡🙏😭)

ASDKLJFHDA- railao breeding kink never leaves my brain i wish i was joking-

i really do have to write a fic about them (which technically the western au is gonna be my top priority once the collaring fic is done and they're going to be a big part of that- (and once it get bATTERIES FOR MY MOUSE AND KEYBOARD-))

also thank you, moment of silence 🫡😔

okay here's my trans railao rant bc i cant contain myself (under the cut bc it gets long and also nsfw warning- includes trans raiden, trans lao, and t4t railao)

i love love love trans raiden- i think lao brags about his everything for a reason and i think raiden knows that intimately- trans raiden whose always had a smaller chest and never felt the need to bind and just worked out to get his chest how he wanted it- raiden who has little to no shame about undressing around ppl bc he grew up in a small village and everyone knew and was fairly supportive :) lao who was ultra extra supportive and helped raiden since boyhood feel more comfortable with who he was and how he presented himself- hasldfkjasd they are so soft i love them

anyway- lao def also takes the strap when raiden feels like topping, and you bet lao makes that all about raiden- literally all the praise and affirmations for him as lao absolutely loses his mind as his boyfriend takes him apart like he gets paid to- raiden who had the biggest breeding kink and likes to get stuffed but also loves stuffing lao even more- they for sure have an ejaculating strap on just so raiden can make an absolute mess out of lao aslkdjfhasdf

trans lao had a lot more insecurities as a kid to me, wasnt necessarily afraid of telling ppl bc they would be hateful but was afraid bc he wanted to be only a man in their eyes- like he was scared they would see him differently than he really was- but raiden helped him with his self-confidence (a little too much, some might say-) and that's why lao talks big game- though often he can follow through, there's a limit to the things he's done and can be good at first try

trans lao who absolutely goads raiden into stuffing him full at every possible convenience- before training? why not- we got twenty minutes and an empty closet, no one's coming by here- it's almost five am and we have training in half an hour, that leaves them plenty of time to have raiden stuff him full and clean him up after- lao is so tempting and raiden falls for it every time, the poor man

lao also loves absolutely breaking raiden down with a strap on- whenever he has the energy to he teases raiden until he's fit to burst and then makes him wait while lao goes to grab everything they need- pillow princess raiden is so near and dear to my heart aasldfkjdf he deserves it :)

railao with one of them being trans is always fantastic but t4t railao really has my heart- t4t railao where both of them grew up and learned how to be themselves together, both kind of figuring it out and coming out at the same time, going through the awkward spots together and helping each other through it- asldkfhasdf them having that friends to lovers slow burn where it takes them like five years, three life crises, and almost the end of the world to realize that they love each other-

t4t railao where they both crave the closeness of the other so much so that it's maddening and they end up forgetting where one starts and the other ends-

any version of railao that knows where the other is in a room at all times, even blindfolded they could find each other in dead silence, i swear- railao with that soul tie bc they've spent so long together that they've become basically inseparable, literally a package deal, where one goes the other does too-

asdlfkjasdf i love railao so much i need to spend more time writing them- new year's resolution: write railao-

[sadisthetic]

alarmingly long hanahaki au jaya. i hurt jay quite a bit in this. this is a product of 4 straight days of insanity. im SO ILL. ABOUT JAYA. IF YOU MAKE IT TO THE END OF THIS. I COMMEND YOU. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME IN ADVANCE.

once again adapted from a twitter thread. its. like 165 tweets long. yeah. yeah. im lazy so its gonna be mostly copy pasted and lightly edited so if it sounds like im talking to myself I WAS. AND I WAS DOING IT FOR FOUR DAYS. 

anyways heres the start.

-

so hanahaki.... jaya.... season 3...... jay is absolutely the guy who gets hanahaki theres absolutely no doubt about that like absolutely none. but the world building tho... how should i handle it.... i want it to be canon compliantish. and more importantly. when should i give him symptoms. what would be most interesting

sure. i could give him hanahaki after he find out about nyas perfect match. but haha

what if he get petals earlier tho.

he doesnt understand why at first, why jay starts coughing up petals, he and nya are dating and in love. there shouldnt be any reason for it. its not bad yet so he just ignores it really hard or thinks he mustve gotten a weird strain because theres now way he has normal hanahaki because theres No Way! haha

so when he hears the truth there in his parents trailer, the roots around his lungs constrict and he cant tell the pain apart from his heart breaking in two. his chest hurts so much and he sees cole and just goes ballistic

just imagine. what thats like for him. hes mad but its a secondary response to the heartbreak. hes had signs literally inside all along but to actually find out? like this? jay cant take it

haha. the double date would suck so much HAHA. he holds it in through the whole duration of the movie but when its over he vomits full flowers in the bathroom

ive been mulling over the worldbuilding of hanahaki in this au of mine. i thinking i want it to be a departure from the standard hanahaki worldbuilding thats in fics. just slightly. mostly regarding the fatality and maybe treatments........ i think i want jay to have hanahaki the whole time until skybound. and so i think im gonna have to make hanahaki nonlethal. but kinda like chronic pain. if you cant let go of that love

im partially adopting another fics worldbuilding but i like the idea you can recover on your own if you simply fall out of love. its easier and less damaging the earlier you give up on the love. the roots atrophy and fade and theres not that much scarring. you can easily recover

but you know...... its jay. hes not gonna let it go. he cant. he loves nya.... i think he hides his affliction tho... because he knows nya doesnt want to get back together. and he doesnt want to look you know.... pathetic? desperate? overly clingy?

“you still hasnt gotten over nya?” “dude come on.” “give it up.” he doesnt want to hear it from the others. because he doesnt want to. 

but also he wants to save face in front of nya. hes scared itll drive her even further away. his heart cant take more of that. this distance hurts enough

so for months.............. he suffers the pain of one sided love. quietly. pretending that nothing is wrong and that jay is okay with them just being friends. of course jay could choose to surgically remove the hanahaki.... but he doesnt want to do that

i think im gonna keep a bit of the amnesia worldbuilding standard fics have. but im not gonna have it so that artificially removing the hanahaki makes you forget the person you love. no.... just the love that you felt. i think jay doesnt want to lose his love for nya..... also not being able to fall in love with nya scares him. hes just that fucking attached to her. he has it bad man. dude has attachment issues. hes so clingy. 

anyways. jay chooses to suffer. because hes that badly in love

jay self medicates on over the counter cough suppressants thats meant for the cold and more normal sickness. works surprisingly well. not ideal tho. he also fills his pockets with cough drops and sometimes makes himself sick when he accidentally eats too much on bad days

he gets sick of them. the sweet icky taste and menthol nausea but he doesnt have that many better ways to deal. its just a temporary fix too. considering that coughing is his body's natural way to get rid of the petals. and hes just letting them sit in his lungs

periodically he has to stay hunched over a trashcan to clear out the petals and yes its an awful experience every time. it becomes routine. the petals scratch his throat on the way out and he gets into tea to soothe the irritation. he becomes a regular at mistake's

in general, his ability to breathe starts to decline and he gets winded so much more easily. the plants in his chest limit his airflow and also steals the oxygen from his lungs. his chest is tight always and aches like theres thick needles lodged in his chest. those are the roots

usually its manageable. but it becomes harder to fight. battles usually end up leaving him wheezing. one of the guys teases him about it. that hes slacking and getting out of shape. he sidesteps that convo tho and brushes them off. he certainly cant be honest

im a sadist so im gonna making him pass out after one fairly vigorous battle. one which he has to push himself harder to make it out alive. so hard that his lungs cant keep up with the rest of his body and even when he gets himself to a safe corner or clearing, no amount of breaths is enough and he just blacks out. he eventually comes to a worried face shaking him awake. ill figure out who and when this is set later. either way they just assume jay got knocked out even though they cant find any wounds. theyre relieved he seems fine

but that was very bad. super duper bad for jay tho. he cant let that happen again. but these kinds of things are out of his control tho. but he just has to deal.

things comes to a head in skybound. i think itll be most dramatic if nya finds out in the lighthouse. after she rescues them and they successfully flee. when they settle and in moment jay cant hide he coughs out a gross mass of petals

and nya has a slow step by step realization of the implications. but before all that happens tho. nadakhan. i dont think he knew jay had hanahaki when he first targeted him. maybe. this point might change

but as it is, for the thought i have, nadakhan learns when jays meds wears off, and hes not even able to pop in a cough drop his mouth. and he vomits a messy slurry of petals onto the wooden floorboards of the deck. its EXTREMELY FUNNY to nadakhan, he mocks jay for it! he has hanahaki! that is so tragic! to think jay has known his love was utterly unrequited and yet he tried so hard to win her back. but it was all a hopeless, desperate, pathetic endeavor. so nya truly doesnt love jay, hm? so shes single and free for the taking. no hard feelings, then, when they marry

up on the ship, he coughs up so many flowers. he doesnt get enough sleep from the persistent coughing. and passes out multiple times, for a collection of reasons. from being knocked out, exhaustion, apnea, running out of breath after several matches of scrap n tap

i think it would be really sad and pathetic if there one incident where he chokes on a flower. and he cant cough it out and he thinks gonna die for reals. a pirate helps him out only to add insult to injury (and to torment him more to pull a wish out of him, hes better off alive than dead)

when hes rescued by his friends, theres no flowers around so none of his friends suspect. jay manages to keep the petals in his mouth, catching them behind his teeth, and swallows them back in. he coughs pretty bad but they all think he just got really sick. he looks awful after all

but thats of course only up until the lighthouse. ive been contemplating about how nya handles it all...... how she feels......... what is the most satisfying route here is much more trickier to figure out than just a fixit skybound au....... 

feelings are trickier and much more loaded........ the revelation certainly isnt going to be an easy thing for nya to swallow..... but lighthouse talk has so much potential....... jay might be honest for once..... because he has to be.... forced to be!

ngl lighthouse part of skybound has been super elevated in my head by favorite skybound fic so my perceptions of it and my own take on it for this au is probably going to be influenced by that. not in the sense im copying scenes but in the sense of like. oh yeah writer IS right, lighthouse ep TOTALLY has the massive potential for big feels and honesty. and revealing trauma/hurt feels. anyways. let me talk a bit about nya and the little dilemma i have.....

so like...... nyas part in the story is so tricky to handle.... because she entirely determines the ending of this story. much more so than in the original canon.....

because the crux of this story is the love between nya and jay... the lack of thereof from nya and the undying love from jay. hanahaki. unrequited love. the story is not just about jay making mistakes and being flawed as a person and being tested as a person and learning and growing his mistakes

in this au, the focus is specifically on his love for nya and how hes willing to hang onto it for so long despite how much it literally hurts him. love hurts. its barely even worth it. but to jay it is. this story is driven by his love. however how it ends all depends on nya.....

and heres the thing.... i know the way the "romance" in skybound was resolved was..... whats the word..... forced? it was insufficiently developed.... i cant recall the exact word i wanna use but it was just. tacked on. nyas change of heart kinda came out of nowhere....

nyas line in the lighthouse before she pushed jay through the portal is honestly inconsistent with her characterization that season up to the point. shes really didnt seem like she loved jay back at all. its entirely because the writers didnt write in those feelings

it takes a bit of creative thinking and interpretation to make jays and nyas get together at the end of the season work. you have to fill in the gaps of the romance yourself if you want it and want it to make sense and have it be satisfying

what i do for my fix it interpretation of canon is that nya didnt actually stop loving jay entirely in s3 breakup arc. instead i choose to think is that nyas desire for independence simply grew stronger enough to eclipse her love for jay

also i like to think nya liked jay more casually than he loves her so it was easier to break off their relationship. if youve seen my dream divorce ot3 slowburn get together break up get together fic (concept) (that only exactly two people know what im talking about). and also string of fate au. ESPECIALLY IN STRING OF FATE AU. then you know. my take on them. ANYWAYS.

the problem i have for this au is that i cant do that. i cant use that same interpretation to have them get together again. it doesnt work. because in this au.........nya really did fall out of love for jay. and having them get together again just like canon isnt.......satisfying

its tricky..... because to make nya fall in love with jay now after she learns he has hanahaki..... if im not careful ill be doing the same thing that the writers are doing. writing a careless romance solely because i want them to be together

and i DO want them to be together again.... but it requires a considerate approach if i really do want it. here..... the situation is this..... nya finds out jays has truly been in love with her for months STILL. and its bad enough he got hanahaki. i think she might feel uncomfortable about that. its unwanted love you know? being the object of someones desires still after you long broke up with them. she has moved on but jay hasnt? its super awkward for her...... but also...............

jay knows that. nya isnt stupid. she realizes that jay knows that and thats exactly why he kept it from her in the first place....... shes also uncomfortable because... jay is suffering because of her. she broke it off with him but its not like she doesnt care about jay 

no she still does. jay is still someone important to her. hes not just some ex. hes still a friend.... and her heart aches seeing jay suffer. her heart twists realizing that jay has been suffering this whole time on his own and she had no idea.

and it was out of consideration for her. its not entirely her fault jay has hanahaki..... but also she does feel a little bit responsible. sure jay messed up a lot recently and all of it is because he wanted to get back together with her and she doesnt like that.... but also..

learning about it put some things into perspective for her. like shes uncomfortable but jay has been hurt and is genuinely hurting still and she doesnt want to hurt him more and she wants to be gentle. so she starts thinking first. before she proceeds to deal with feelings

and so she starts really thinking about it. she was mad. she was mad jay kept so many secrets from them and endangered them all. and that he was STILL attached to her after all this time. shes still a little mad about that but also its subsiding a bit now....

if she really thinks about it.... jay had been respecting their break and her boundaries up until recently. in fact she only found out now, months later. jay actually did do a pretty good job of hiding those feelings. and not only that... his hanahaki.

that. she doesnt fucking understand how jay kept that a secret. ITS HANAHAKI. HOW DID HE HIDE IT FROM EVERYONE. ITS THE MOST VISIBLE DISEASE. maybe she did notice jay smothering a cough or clearing his throat every so often but to think it was hanahaki this entire time......

....when did it start even...? she can only assume that it was around their breakup. they eventually have a talk. a really important one that jay cant run away from. it takes a bit for jay to be fully honest and tell her that he started spitting petals when they were still together

she becomes mortified by that fact. and what that means. and she gains a bit of perspective of how the perfect match debacle looked from jays perspective. she really was.... a terrible girlfriend during all that huh.... to nya it felt like a clean break..... but to jay.... it left him pretty raw. 

it didnt hit nya until know how much jay was hurt by the breakup even without considering the hanahaki. jay still loves her despite her cheating on him and making him fight over her because she couldnt decide? it seems that jay doesnt even care about that. doesnt even think she was a terrible girlfriend at the end of their relationship when she very much was. something is deeply wrong with jay (he loves her too much). jay hadnt been the best...... he had been really selfish and self centered. esp with the whole wish thing

but she comes to a realization that she was being really self centered too. its unfair for her to criticize jay for that when the very beginning of it all was because of nyas own selfishness. its unfair for jay to break up over something so stupid like a match making machine

of course part of it was still on jay. he should have still let go. you cant have a relationship in which only one person is in love. but.... she couldve gone about it in a better way. a way that wouldnt have hurt jay so much at the very least

he has apologized for everything involving nadakhan and keeping secrets.... maybe taking on more blame than he should.... nya owes jay an apology too. so at the very least she gives him a proper one. for her own faults

but she doesnt know how to fix jays hanahaki tho...... and to be honest? neither does jay. he tells her this. despite everything he didnt want to force her to love him. he didnt want to guilt her back into a relationship. he didnt want her to give him her pity also

thats part of the reason why he kept it a secret. he wanted to *win* her back. make himself more appealing so that nya would love him again. jay was super misguided in his approach and didnt understand why exactly nya broke up with him in the first place

but thats what he wanted... nyas genuine love. (im ignoring a tiny chip of canon for this. or im considering it a moment of weakness (jays dismay when he learns he cant wish for love). creative interpretation is that seeing his future in the mirror made him too hopeful and a bit desperate) anyways. jay is a hopeless romantic. who is extremely lovelorn. also hes chronically ill like literally. cut him a little slack

anyways anyways. i dont want nya to just get back together with him right after finding out about his hanahaki. its bad romance. it wont taste good. it wont be genuine......... 

as it is...... of course theres multiple options................ but they arent all happy. and i do feel like. a story like this does need a happy ending..... it would be too sad if it remains unresolved. im just gonna talk about the ends that kinda suck first

most unsatisfying but technically still very plausible end: a standstill. nya cant do anything to help. she wants to but she cant return jays love. jay understands but decides keep living with the hanahaki. the two of them keep living in this awkward status quo, knowing.

eventually jays hanahaki gets too much for him to handle and he either dies or nya/the others take matters into their own hands and without his consent, send him to surgery bc hes dying. unethical maybe but they want him to live

its super awkward after that.... but things return to normal and they all forget about it except for nya, where it lays heavy in her mind forever. if he dies its just tragedy. i dont want this kinda of end

a potential good neutral end however can be one in which jay tries his best to simply move on. try to process his one sided love into something... different somehow. because he accepts that nya has fallen out of love with him. he has long accepted that.

but they talk........... and a lot happens (being pushed into the portal, the rest of skybound). and jay has a realization too. nya may not love him in the same way.... it doesnt mean she doesnt love him. she still cares deeply.....

she cares about him a lot as a friend. that love is still worth something. its..... its more than what jay thought nya felt about him. it honestly felt like their relationship get demoted all the way down back to acquaintances, at best coworkers. not technically. they were still friends. but jay felt a yawning distance between them after the break up. its one part nya distancing herself from jay after that whole disaster. its also another part jay keeping his distance so that nya doesnt learn about his hanahaki

whatever talk between them was either just ninja business, surface level casual conversations, or small talk. it was awkward but only when they dwelled on it... (and jay did dwell on it) but in the lighthouse they actually talk Talked about things... about them. and jay learns

nya sacrifices herself to save jay in the lighthouse and he realizes that he still matters to her. the everpresent tightness in his chest doesnt leave but it.... loosens. and he breathes easier for the first time in a while

he still wishes that nya and him could get together romantically. but something about his feelings changes. he feels less lovelorn somehow. his heart still yearns a little. but somehow he feels more okay. he hurts less

and once time turns back and jay and nya share this secret and finally properly reconcile after everything is done. the pain in his chest abates more and more as time goes on. hes not sure if hes exactly cured. but he can live without hurting now somehow

he learns how to live with his unrequited love. and more importantly he doesnt need his love to be requited anymore. because love is love you know? she doesnt love him romantically but she does still love him. and thats still good

they were always a little mismatched in their feelings for each other anyways. jay isnt settling for lesser. nyas love for him now is just different not less. and jay accepts that. and hes content that they managed to fix them. their relationship. hes okay and happy

his own feelings... he doesnt know if they changed themselves also like nyas has. he doesnt feel like his love has changed. but the nature of it mightve become more ambiguous. and it doesnt matter anyways. he loves nya and that will never change

hmmmm i think this became less of a neutral end and more just an unrequited good end. and accidentally poured so much aro juice into it oh my god? i had a good requited end thought up kinda also before this end i just talked about the end first bc i wanted to talk about requited end last

i kinda came to really like good unrequited end........ im still gonna talk about good requited end tho. i kinda want opinions about which end is narratively the best..... even though i only have a confident audience of two

i think requited end is a bit more dramatic..... nya really doesnt know what to do. she broke it off with jay. she wants to fix him. she really wishes he didnt get hanahaki for *her* of all people....

whats so great about her anyways that he would live like this for months on end be just ok with it. she thinks if she was in jays shoes she would long moved on. she doesnt get what is worth the pain and risk

either way she doesnt want to date him out of pity. she distinctly has a feeling that wouldnt actually fix anything. and probably jay doesnt want that too. but also she cant fabricate love

she feels suffocated by just the prospect and it reminds nya about why she dumped jay in the first place. this whole thing reminds nya why she dumped him. jays love was always too much for her. smothering. of course he gets hanahaki. why is she even surprised. if anyone would, its jay. she doesnt want to resent him for it though. hes hurting because of it. and he spared it from nya up to this point and she only found out because jay couldnt help it. who knows how much longer he wouldve kept this secret

but as is. she doesnt know what to do. so they stay in the lighthouse awkwardly together. they were honest with each other but now what? .....actually. curing hanahaki can come later. they gotta focus on saving their friends and all of ninjago first before they can deal with them

HHMMMMMMMM....... i think despite knowing about how much jay love her.... she doesnt really... Get It. HOW he loves her i mean. quantity vs quality. when they were first dating, to her it was really casual. in my mind jay was first attracted to nya shallowly too

but then he fell deeper. more genuinely. and that contributed to a greater discrepancy between their level of affection. nya for the most part has been believing that jays obsession with her is because hes just too clingy and attached. and like he is. but.... its like the product of the intensity of the emotion you know? his love for her manifested in jay in a way that put nya off a little. contributed to the reason why nya dumped him all those months ago.... having a heart to heart gave her some perspective on what it has been like for jay but

thats different from Understanding you know? comprehending... seeing the depth... anyways... so jay had been acting too chivalrous up to that point right? and then nya learns about jays hanahaki and chalks up his behavior to him overcompensating...... a symptom even

nya thinks its just jay trying his best to win her back. she doesnt really have that many reasons to think otherwise. its whats consistent. this all happened because jay wanted them to get together again. whatever, she has decided that shes going to forgive jay for all that, needless acts of chivalry included. even tho. she really doesnt like that. calls it a force of habit and puts it aside. for more Important Things like taking care of jay and taking nadakhan Down

but then they get found and theyre scrambling fast to prepare for the attack and counterattack. they manage to fall into a frantic but familiar routine of collaborative repairs and fixes and asides from jays incessant coughing reminding nya that things are pretty awful.... its nice

she doesnt get to feel that way for long tho. their haven is raided and their prep wasnt enough, theyre struggling, theres way too many pirates and its just the two of them against what feels like an army and theyre on the way to losing and nadakhan is nowhere to be found

they try to stick together to have each others backs but they get separated anyways and they start doing even worse. im changing up the action scene btw. nya manages sweep a bunch of pirates away but doubloon is one of the ones that could actually put up a fight

meanwhile jay isnt fairing very well and maybe worse because he was already injured and also his hanahaki makes it really hard. he fights for his breath trying to hold his own. he gets fucking smashed by dogshank through the floor onto the stairwell below. all the air is knocked from him

and he legitimately cant breathe for a solid moment. hes wheezing and he coughs hard enough to vomit. he doesnt have his breath back when he looks up and sees nya panicking at the sight of him and shes distracted and jay sees doubloon take an opening

jay doesnt even breathe when he instantly fires a lightning bolt from prone towards doubloon. and hes already up and sprinting to nyas side to fill her blindspot.

hes on the cusp of an asthma attack, he can feel it, but he doesnt have the time to worry about it (as if he had any control over it) his chest is tight and his breaths are too shallow and it hurts but he pushes through it to protect nya. hes slipping though

assaulted from all sides, between doubloon and dogshank and all the pirates, jay knows theyre going to lose. mostly because of him. hes dragging the two of them down and why did he ever think the two of them had the chance and why did he ever think that nadakhan would even come (hes not gonna this turned into a full divergence now) and even if he wasnt flagging hard now, he can feel it his chest that hes going to pass out if this goes on for any longer and leave nya to fend for himself and get them both captured and he cant let that happen.

nya is at her wits fucking end she can feel them losing too and nya refuses to think about how at this rate both of them are going down, but she wont let them. but, among the harsh clangs of weapons, the rush of floods, and the cracks of lightning at jays fingertips,

through all this discord, at this proximity she can hear jays struggled breaths and its the most terrifying sound in the world. then suddenly shes shoved to the side and hears a crash and a cry and when nya looks jays sliced through by doubloons sword

then something glows by her feet and nya realizes what jay did. he broke the teapot. clutching at his wound, jay gives nya a strained smile. he says "sorry" and kicks her in before she can object. before the portal closes she watches jay take a stand only to be subdued

she lands in the junkyard with a bad tumble. she just lies in the dust and dirt in shock. it happened too fast. jay sacrificed himself for her? jay risked himself even though he was the one who needed protecting and got himself hurt to pull that stunt.

and now hes in their clutches again. rage begins to well up. why! why?! why did jay do that?! is he stupid! there had to be a better way, they couldve escaped together and regrouped! tears begin to well up as well. nya gets up and smashes a bunch of junk

jays parents come out after that. and nya realizes where she is for the first time and forces herself to calm down. she sorts out her feelings over ednas soup after shes pulled into the trailer..... 

at first she doesnt get it. shes too upset to think about it. she vents to jays parents about what he did. "why did he do that?" and it was meant to be a rhetorical question for herself but edna gives her an answer thats way too simple.

"because he loves you." 

and nya is hit with another rude realization. shes been having too many of those

jay..... loves her. deeply. truly loves her genuinely, more than he cares about himself. its not just lingering attachment. its a deeper, more sincere love than nya could ever fathomed. nya knew how much jay loved her. but at the same time she didnt. she didnt get how he loved her

she feels a way about that. all this time jay loved her this bad? bad enough to catch hanahaki, bad enough to keep his hanahaki, bad enough to hide it. bad enough to *wish* for her love, to suffer, ang to get hurt for her...

she thinks he loves her bad enough to die for her. she really feels a way about that. her heart starts beating fast. she doesnt want to put together why. she kinda wants to cry.

why was she so mean to him... sometimes he deserved the little things he had coming but why was she so harsh. why did she fall out of love with him..... well she knows but also.... she was really unfair to him huh. jay wasnt perfect and he was too much but... she doesnt know.

all she knows is she feels a lot of regrets right now.. and moved by jay what did for her... along with this third unplaceable feeling. 

(she started falling in love again)

its a slow gradual thing tho. nya doesnt place it immediately. she doesnt think she wanted to after she broke up with him herself. didnt even think it was possible.

but eventually nya feels very embarrassed by it when she realizes. because 1) oh my god shes falling in love with him after falling out of love and dumping him? is she shameless? and also 2) flustered because shes For Reals in love this time now beyond the casual kind of love she held for him before. this realizaton doesnt happen anytime soon. probs a good amount of time after everything resolves

so for narrative purposes i swapped jays and nyas roles for this last part of the story only. i think its safe to say jay is not treated kindly when he reboards the ship. in fact i think theyre even crueler for letting nya get away. before he was just roughed up to play with him

a form of coercion to get him to make his last wish. this time theyre taking it out on jay as punishment. nya assembles a rescue party like jay does in canon and somehow rescues jay and she hates the state that she finds him hes in

i think he'll be easier to rescue than nya because hes not like.... nadakhans bride. but wait..... WAIT NO IT COULD HARDER BECAUSE THEY COULD SET HIM UP AS BAIT FOR NYA TO COME GET HIM.... FUCK CURSE MY WHUMP DRIVEN BRAIN!!!!!!!!!! ITLL BE SO MUCH HARDER TO GET HIM LIKE THIS BUT— 

THE IMAGE OF JAY BEING TIED/STRUNG UP IN PLAIN VIEW.... fuck. figuring it out is too hard and i dont even need to figure it out for the romance do i like goddammit. fucking sequencing..... maybe they get their friends out of the sword first.... somehow.

as for how they beat nadakhan..... i havent thought up a good way. i dont think it should go the same way as canon. i want nya to actually have her agency and not take it away again after ive given it to her. 

i however dont know what jays wish should be. thats like so hard to figure out. this end is a significance divergence from canon. oh also jay has been thoroughly gagged so he cant say his wish. and also maybe because the pirates got sick of his coughing. nadakhans goal for torturing jay has changed.

he doesnt want him to break and submit and wish himself away anymore. he has better use in making sure nya comes to him. well he can still break him. its extra motivation. an incentive for nya to be a bit more faster and careless in her desperation to save him. he just shuts jay up also.

also im a sadist. anyways back to defeating nadakhan.... its a little tough ngl! for me and for nya! because this story has diverged so considerably. it cant have the same climax as canon. it just doesnt work. not even when theyre roleswapped

nya cant make a wish. she doesnt have anymore wishes. or hmm maybe she does have one left like jay does in this timeline but i dunno.... technically i could do that bc nya used up her wishes in only stupid ways so its not that hard of a change. 

it changes their game plan in the lighthouse just a bit but in this version nadakhan doesnt even show up so story wise its a nonfactor. they both couldve made a wish and stopped things. but they dont get the chance to do that.

but either way nya having a wish is an option, not something thats set in stone. also i think nya gets a hold of the venom. either jay had passed it to her when he pushed her into the portal or it stayed on his person and was confiscated and nya obtained it because clancee told her about it. which ever works. man is jay doing rough in this au. hes suffering so many consequences....i think as hes bound and helpless, hes gonna have a lot of thoughts... and a lot of regrets

he wishes he never kept secrets, he wishes he didnt make things worse.... i think he wishes nya doesnt come and rescue him. because if she does and she gets captured and nadakhan marries her for infinite wishes then itll all be his fault. again. because nya risked herself for him

so jay hopes nya doesnt come. he wants her to be safe even if it means hes forever captured. its better than the worst case scenario. 

but a tiny tiny tiny part of jay that is wishful does hope that he is rescued. because hes weak. he selfishly wants nya to save him

he shouldve learned by now that his desire for nya doesnt do him any good. but the part thats terrible and in love still wishes for better. he wants to be saved. he wants to be forgiven. he wants to fix things. he doesnt want to hurt anymore.

he thinks he can accept nya never loving him again. but he wants to stop aching in his chest. but he cant let go of his love. at this point its a part of who he is. so even though hes resigned to suffer and part of him foolishly hopes. he wishes

but jay doesnt get it. nya HAS forgiven him. she wishes she has never hurt jay like she did and if she could she would take it back. shes determined to fix things one way or any other. she has to save him or shes the worst. jay never deserved *all* of this.

once she saves him shes going to fix them. somehow.

and somehow they do. with a wish i cannot fucking figure out so SPARE ME. but i think... they dont go back in time. things arent undone and theres damage everywhere. so much repairs to be done. and theres a start to everything

i think i forgot to mention but at the end of unrequited good end, which honestly i think friendship end is a more fitting name, jay and nya hug at the end of skybound when time rolls back. no kiss. i think the same happens at the end of requited end too. time doesnt roll back but they have moment... hug.. but still no kiss. not yet. nya hasnt realized her feelings are changing. actually she might it takes a bit for them to develop. jay and nya start having a very honest relationship with each other tho

nya doesnt want to ignore jays hanahaki and jay comes to a similar conclusion as friendship/unrequited end. he realizes nya still cares for him A Lot as a friend, she cared so much she risked everything to walk into nadakhans trap guns blazin. and he doesnt want to jeopardize their friendship by distancing himself.

he wants things to be normal between them despite his hanahaki. and the funny thing is that... in this end, jays hanahaki gets somewhat more manageable too.... but its for a different reason in this au. lol. lol. because his feelings are becoming requited.

his hanahaki isnt suddenly gone one day because nyas feelings are so ambiguous tho. and when she does finally realize that shes fallen for jay. she actually goes into a bit of denial. for a mix of reasons. 

its not because nya doesnt want to cure jay of his hanahaki. she just didnt think thats a thing that can happen. falling in love again. she was also so very sure that she didnt have feelings for jay anymore before so its also a pride thing she has going on. subconsciously, she doesnt want to take things back because shes stubborn.

and its also one part nya feeling like shes doing jay a little bit dirty somehow (her brain making her overthink in a twisted way) and that she wouldve been toying with jays feelings if she returns them now. after all this time has passed.

is she that fickle? (its not her being fickle) and nya cant quite place why she has feelings for jay again. nya feels like jay probably deserves someone better than her, someone who hasnt hurt him so bad.

nya has trouble understanding herself so she thinks shes being flaky and worries her feelings are flaky also and she doesnt want to hurt jay again with such uncertain feelings. i am making nya feel so fucking complicated and conflicted. FEELINGS ARE OFTEN AS SUCH!!!

but despite nya's internal turmoil, her feelings for jay are very genuine. she might think they are arbitrary but thats not quite the case. well her love is arbitrary as any other love is. but anyways. she fell again because jay did win her over, not even when he was trying to.

his sincere love... his dedication. when nya saw it in a different light it was attractive to her. she appreciates that jay loves her the way he does now. also before (the breakup) her love for jay was a bit shallow. it was just that casual. but now what she feels for jay is more genuine. and more equal. eventually she sorts it out. there might be some of romantic drama to get her to get there though. a bit more accidental hurt.

i had the tangential thought that jay might tell nya that his hanahaki is getting better causing her to go "on no". jays finally letting go of his feelings over for her and nya doesnt want to mess that up. hes finally recovering when she catching feelings again?

of course this would happen to her. shes glad but shes wistful she missed her chance at having a boyfriend who truly cares about her like jay does.... serves her right. .... nya is an idiot lol... jays is getting better bc of her skdjhtrglksdj. anyways

eventually... they talk. and sort it all out. all the hurt and feelings and love. nya opens up and confesses and jay cries about it lol. because this is all he had ever wanted ever since he fell in love with nya. the elation he feels is unparalleled. and tightness in his chest finally vanishes all together and he feels better than he has in ages. of course he says yes. he tells nya things to erase her doubts. and it took a lot of trouble to get here but theyre here now. together again for reals. and neither of them can believe it. 

they hold hands. and they finally kiss

-

I THINK. THATS THE END OF REQUITED END. WOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT MY THOUGHTS FOR THIS END WERE INITIALLY MUCH SHORTER, SHORTER THAN, UNREQUITED/FRIENDSHIP END? ON GOD. WHAT HAPPENED. ITS BECAUSE I FELT LIKE REQUITED END REALLY NEEDED FULLY BEAT OUT DEVELOPMENT. OR ELSE I COULDNT BE SATISFIED WITH IT. IM A LITTLE EMBARRASSED BY WHAT I CAME UP WITH FEELS KINDA SAPPY BUT I CANT TELL IF IT IS. IM ARO. THIS ISNT MY HOME TURF. BUT I WANTED REQUITED END TO BE ACTUALLY VIABLE WITHOUT FEELING FORCED.... I WANTED TO BE AS SATISFIED WITH THIS AS I AM FOR UNREQUITED END. AND ENDED UP NEEDING TO PUT IN 100 TIMES THE WORK SDJKTUFHIGTLSDKJ. I THINK I ACCOMPLISHED WHAT I WANTED THO...... I THINK ITS OKAY..........

okay. im finally picking flowers. ive been thinking about it a bit while i wrote this whole thing. it wasnt a priority. but i do wanna pick some flowers that fit this story....

had the thought that depending on the end of this au (... i have aus within my au huh....) jay actually has different flowers. different meanings and symbolism.

i want jays primary flower to be an anemone for the record. “forsaken love”. nods. thats pretty representative of jays love for like. 3 seasons. also.... shares a name with the ocean animal. water... small connection with nya... not directly representative of her but it does a little. anemone has a few other meanings as well and i think those can fit too depending on the end. but the primary meaning im using is forsaken love (apparently its specifically the red and pink ones that mean this. please do note all these flower language resources are pretty inconsistent from each other)

tragic death end- anemone (specifically red- also means death), red poppy (remembrance in death), red spider lily (am i going too ham with the death flowers? yes. would jay see this as an ill omen? definitely. however. symbolism. also this bouquet is just So red. with blood lol)

tragic lost love (surgery) end- anemone, yellow chrysanthemums (broken/slighted love), black dahlia (betrayal), narcissus (unrequited love, selfishness), rue (regret), i would add forget me nots if i didnt think it doesnt fit with the colors

friendship/unrequited end- anemone, yellow rose (bros the meaning of the yellow rose is so fucking loaded LMAO. friendship, infidelity (nya), undying love? the wiki sure lists a lot), dandelion (overcoming hardship, growth, hope, and healing, friendship)

requited end- anemone, sea lavender (remembrance/memory, sympathy, i love you), sea holly (independence (nya) and attraction (jay)). okay so i dunno if a bouquet of these would look good together per se but.... ocean theme.... and also i wanted the flowers to rep both jay and nya in meanings.... since this is the end in which theyre together after all....

flower language is fucking hard. but i cant NOT put sincere thought into it. its fucking hanahaki i feel like i Gotta. btw these arent 100% set in stone i might change my mind about them? but i do really like anemone tho.... and tangential thought hgtjbnfjkghl sea holly would be fucking AWFUL for jay to cough up. esp when he starts spitting full flowers. those look like they hurt. just like what its like to love nya (lol). flower that would definitely make him cough blood

anyways..... if you made it to the end of this..... thank you.... this post is literally over 7600 words. thats like a long one shot. this is more like a fic outline tho. anyways anyways.... madness legit descended upon me while i wrote this all. i hope you enjoyed. i did this for my self satisfaction but if other people enjoyed this also i kinda wanna know

holds up a glass. cheers to jays suffering and heartbreak

(og thread here)

[daniyanii]

YANDERE KILLMONGER:

‘Slow Death’- Episode 1

I was hiding from Erik in my apartment. I never told him where I lived so I figured I’d be safe at home.

My phone was literally pinging so much the dings weren’t even able to fully ring out before another one cut it off. Finally picking it up, I realized it was hot to the touch.

+1 (473) 372-3639: Y/n please, just talk to me

+1 (473) 372-3639: I know you felt what i felt last night, you don’t have to deny it. I swear I want you

+1 (473) 372-3639: Why the fuck didn’t you go to the bar??

+1 (473) 372-3639: I fucking swear Y/n if you dont pick up your phone, I will find you and it wont be pretty.

Great, now he was threatening me. I had seen Erik half naked last night and I knew that whatever I could do to him, he could do back to me 10x harder. There were too many scars on him for him to be affected by my weak attacks

So, I picked up on his next call. Anything to stop him from looking for me further.

“Baby??” His frantic voice rung out before I could say anything

“Hello?” I mustered the courage to talk back

“Thank god you’re ok. Baby why did you leave me?? you scared the shit outta me.”

“I-I had work…”

“Baby, stop lying to me. I know you don’t gotta work till tuesday, today’s saturday.”

“H-How did you know that?” I was now super worried because if he knew that then he definitely knew more.

“I know everything about you love. You cant hide it from me, I’m the one for you.”

“Erik please, I’m not looking for a relationship at all right now. And I’m sorry if I didn’t make that clear last night.”

A moment of silence flew and then you heard Erik’s deeply disturbed chuckles.

“You don’t get that choice anymore baby, you just don’t understand the love I have for you. I licked it so it’s mine, and i’m coming to get what’s mine.”

“Erik you’re not understanding. I dont wanna be with anyone right now. Im sorry if you thought I wasn’t serious about that but I need time to heal from my last relationship still.”

That was a lie I am 110% over my ex. I wouldn’t go back to him even if every other man on this earth spontaneously combusted. But I am still uncomfortable with relationships and the level of vulnerability people have to display in a relationship.

“Heal? What the fuck did that nigga do to the point you gotta heal? I swear just tell me who he is baby and I’ll get him out the the way… forever.” he sounded much too serious

“Look Erik, I really had a great time but last night was the end of whatever we had. I…I think you took it the wrong way so let me be very clear. I do not want to be with you or anyone. I really just want to get to know myself more and im sorry if it’s hard for you to detach from someone you’ve had sex with but I need you to do it. I’m just not the girl you’re looking for right now and i’m really sorry for making you think I was.”

“You done?” Erik responded boredly, like what you were saying was just an unnecessary manual.

“Um…yeah?” I was skeptical about answering because honestly I didn’t know how he would react

“Well then, I guess it’s time to make myself very clear. We are together, and people that are together don’t leave. You don’t wanna be with me right now, and that’s fine. But we are dating. Shit at this point we might as well be married. Because I love you, not only that but I’m in love with you. I think about you all day, and when I sleep I literally fucking dream about you. I needed you, so I got you.”

There was an extremely long silence after that.

‘If I were still that young and romantic teenage girl the words themselves would’ve made me swoon. But i’m not dumb and young anymore, I know men are dangerous and see women and people like me as trophies to just sit on a shelf to collect dust, only pulling them out when they want to.

But apparently I am still dumb. Why did I even do this to myself or him? He’s clearly insane and something I did just set him completely off.’

I had no words to say. Not only has anyone ever said anything remotely similar like that to me but even if they had I would still have no clue what to say. The only thing I could think was:

‘Should I hang up?’

“I know you fuckin heard me. I love you, and there’s nothing you can do or I can do to make me stop. Now please, stop being difficult and just open the door baby.” He started aggressively but ended with a soft serenading tone

“Wha-.” You couldn’t even finish before you heard it

It being the sound of a knock at the door.

[wa3jetisbestpony]

okay spicy hot revolutionary girl utena take in the year of our lord 2024 but

I genuinely do not think Anthy likes roses/flowers. they're literally the symbol of the oppressive abuse controlling her life. and I see so so many people make like fan art and stuff of her post ending like growing a garden or working as a florist and truly dont think she'd want to do that once shes free. I think everyone is taking the line in the cantarella scene where shes like "I'll be happy as long as i can grow roses" at face value. but thats so baffling to me because the whole point of that scene is that she is not being honest about her feelings. and everyone seems to be on the same page about that? like its blatant. she promises to still be friends with utena in 10 years and then tries to kill herself almost immediately after. she's not being honest in that scene everyone talks about how much they love the tension and symbolism of that scene with neither of them telling the truth and they're saying one thing but they mean another, they say they poisoned the tea and cookies as a metaphorical way to admit theyd hurt eachother. but then they take the roses line at face value??

to me what shes saying in that line is basically "I'll be happy as long as I stay useful to Akio" because she still thinks thats what she wants, shes still telling herself thats what she wants. she cant bring herself to hate her brother despite how much hes hurt her (which is another thing is see get weirdly ignored by a lot of people BUT THATS NOT WHAT THIS POST IS ABOUT IM STOPPING MYSELF FROM A TANGENT) and thats like the whole reason shes going along with the duels and all that right? because she is trying to do what he wants.

If you were to ask me what I think she would actually want to do I think she would want to do something with animals. she seems to really like animals, an animal serves as a symbolic expression of her true feelings throughout the show, the moments where she seems most happy and at ease often involve animals in some way. if i were to pick something specific I think shed become a wildlife rehabber because i like what that would say symbolically about her character arc.

and it really seems to me that a lot of Anthys despair towards the end of the series comes from her seeing that Utena has a real chance of changing the status quo and that scares anthy. i dont think she has any hope of things getting better with akio or going back to the way they used to be with him as dios. I think she was trying to keep things the way they were, where she could cling to some sense of still being important to him, even if its just that hes using her. and thats what shes saying when she says "I'll be happy as long as I can grow roses"

and so if the revolution, the triumph at the end of the series is anthy finally accepting she doesnt have to let him hurt her anymore and walking away, her realizing there really is a whole world outside of him for her to find meaning and joy in, then why should she still want to grow roses?

anyways stop drawing utenathy reunion scenes where utena just like walks into a random flower shop and sees anthy and start drawing them where utena has like a fucking raccoon inside her apartment at 2am just absolutely trashing the place and calls animal control and anthy shows up to catch it

[exauhstedsunflower]

I dont even have real thoughts. Just,

When I was 10/11 and forced myself to move on from playing with my Barbie’s because I was exposed to society and growing up and it seemed like something I had to do. Going back for my dolls one day after months deciding I needed to do something I loved only to find out my mom threw them away because I stopped playing with them. Being devastated. This reinforcing that there is something wrong with me because I shouldn’t want to play with dolls anymore anyway. The barbie movie not quite healing that wound but softening the blow when I think about it now.

Getting my nails done in hot pink every time at 12 and then at 13 getting them in blue. Painting my nails pink two weeks ago because I was excited about the barbie move and feeling at peace.

Seeing my best friend since I was 9 in pink for the first time in I cant even remember and us both feeling nostalgic and free and beautiful.

Me being 14 and my brother being 11 and him discovering the patriarchy. Him making sexist jokes. Me screaming at him. My grandmother laughing at us fighting. Me crying about it to this day, even though I’m 22my brother is now 19 and nothing like that anymore. Me seeing myself in Barbie and my brother in ken as they grow apart and then back together. Realizing that even though Ken hurt Barbie, barbie is the one to tell him its ok in the end. Ken not apologizing. Seeing us in them once again and feeling an ache in my chest.

Wanting to watch the scene where Barbie says she doesn’t feel pretty anymore and why she doesn’t feel pretty. Why she doesn’t feel like who she is supposed to be. Her face. My face as I start crying. My heart breaking as I realize that I have felt that, and that if its being portrayed here that it’s a universal experience to have that breakdown, to have a friend say ‘you are beautiful, you are enough. You’re not wrong, the world is.’, to not believe them fully, though you do accept that they’re probably right. The fact that she’s not wearing makeup in that scene. She’s broken down into her barest form, and her barest form is wrecked because the world has fucked her up and made her think she’s not enough.

Barbie panicking as Mattel tries to literally put her in a box. The people that are technically responsible for her, the people who she believes will help her, are not only not who she thought they would be, but they try to put her back in a box. Her not being able to be put back into a box. She knows too much now. She’s seen and felt and thought too much. She can’t be what they want her to be even when they try to force her. Impossible standards not even ending with people you’re meant to trust. Barbie being alone in that moment. Barbie finding a friend who gets it and not being alone anymore. Barbie not realizing that until the friend refuses to let her drown. The friendships that women make under the pressure of the world being something so beautiful and heartbreaking and necessary.

Sasha being exposed to something good and nice in pink for once instead of something hating on whatever the pink thing is and slowly smiling more, becoming herself. How this exposure can help young girls so much. Before this not only hurting herself by distancing herself from her mom and feminism but also hurting other women in the face of the pain society has slowly caused her because she has given up on herself and on society the way society has given up on her and itself.

in the end, Barbie not even advocating for herself even after everything she’s learned about feminism and what the world with do to women who let it swallow them whole. Sasha, who previously was not much of a girls girl, being the one to say “What about Barbie?” Everyone saying “Yeah, actually, what about Barbie?” Because she deserves a happy ending too. Barbie was standing in the back and out of the way not only in this scene but in most of the ending scenes actually, which is a wonderful portrayal of what all of these things that have happened to Barbie can do to a woman, regardless of how strong or empowered she was or may have seemed. Barbie, the main character of the movie, becoming quiet and contemplative and unsure, and relegating herself to the background because of all of this. Barbie being surprised to see people wanting something good for her. Barbie not knowing what she wants. Barbie absolutely knowing what she wants the whole movie but dancing around it because as a woman you are put in a box and you’re not supposed to say what you want. Even as a barbie. (“I have never wanted anything to change!” “I only ever wanted things to stay the same!” “I don’t know what I want anymore.”) but “It takes two to open a portal.” And so many more sly comments about how Barbie caused all this too. Barbie not even being proud of her accomplishments by the ending when they’re in the void. Ruth only figuring out What Barbie wants because of a comment, a self effacing comment. Barbie asking permission to be herself. She’s been affected negatively by the world, and yet is choosing to live in it anyway. As are the women of the world. Barbie didn’t need permission. But she asked anyway, she probably wouldn’t have done it is Ruth said no. If anyone had protested at all. Because as a woman she is self sacrificing and making sure everyone is ok with things before doing it. Ruth not showing Barbie life as a woman in the end, because Barbie already knows what that’s like. She’s not asking to be a woman, she is a woman, she’s asking to be human, for which life is nuanced and beautiful. As is being a woman, though in very different ways.

[smute]

whenever i see "poor people shouldn't have [thing]" discourse i always think back to about ten years ago when i had just been fired from my shitty airport job and i was waiting for my unemployment benefits to be processed and couldn't pay the rent.

because i was desperate, proud, and stuck in that same "if you're poor you cant have nice things" mind prison, i made the very difficult decision to give up my favorite hobby and sold my dslr and camera gear for i believe 700 or 800€ (under value of course since i was in a bad position to negotiate). my camera was the most (the only) valuable item in my possession, so in that moment of crisis it was a no-brainer to get rid of it. could i have asked my friends and family for help? of course. not that any one of them would have been able to pay my full rent, but with combined efforts im sure i could have made it through that month somehow. but because i was desperate and proud and needlessly judgmental of myself, i sold my stuff to a very nice guy (im sure he was ecstatic about having made the deal of a lifetime).

now. 800€ is a lot of money. of course it was a big help. i could finally pay my rent and i was able to get my bank account out of the red. but the thing is... in the end, it was just barely enough. the following month my unemployment money came in and i found a new job soon after that, but ultimately, the sacrifice of giving up something that had been such a big part of my life, something that had brought me so much joy, was out of all proportion to the financial relief it brought me. it literally bought me another month with a roof over my head, and i guess the comfort of being able to tell myself that i'd "tried everything" before asking anyone for help. and thats it. just one month later i was back to square one – job, apartment, just enough money to make ends meet – only with one less thing to do in my free time.

[ilovebuckers5]

*•♡never be like you ♡¸.•*'

sneak peek!

nika Muhl x cheerleader!reader

word count - 811

themes :

-toxic relationship (for this part at least)

warnings :

-arguing

-mentions of abuse

A/N - bad news. I still have to finish that essay so I'll give you this while I work on that.... ENJOYYYY

"can we please not do this ash."

i practically pleaded for my boyfriend to not argue with me before a big performance.

it was the day I had been waiting for since I was ever even notified that there would be a uconn game against iowa. I couldn't be dealing with relationship issues right before.

i attempted slipping on my skirt in the bathroom while my boyfriends voice was ringing in my ear no matter how much I tried to ignore it. I hate arguments. especially when they are stupid and have no point in even happening.

"no we are doing this now I don't care! you need to tell me the truth before you leave." Asher growled from outside the bathroom door. part of me wanted to swing the door open and break his nose but I knew that I didn't have time for that. so I gently but swiftly opened the door and forced my eyes into his with probably the most 'i'm not fucking around right now' look I'd ever given him. which is shocking with all of the arguments we've gotten into.

"Asher just fucking stop! I wasn't anywhere, I was literally sitting on the bench waiting for katie to pick me up! why is that so hard for you to comprehend." I pull my face away from his and before I could close the door and continue getting ready I whisper under my breath "its like you want me to cheat on you." the door was about to latch onto the door frame when his pale and veiny hand gripped onto the wooden edge. "what the fuck did you just say?" shit.

he then swung the door open with a force I've never seen before and a wave of fear flushed through my head. there were already tears welling up in my eyes from the yelling and now this just made them fall down my face. inside I was screaming incoherently at his face, slamming the door on his fingers and bashing his head around the room.

this has happened too many times. where we argue and I end up bruised or crying and I have to walk to Natalie's place and cry even more but into her arms instead. there's been too many times where Asher gets away with shit that no other man could get away with. and too many fucking times have I stayed.

his hand was peeled away from the edge of the door and I swear there was hot lava falling out from his eyes instead of guilt tripping tears. "why do you do this to me y/n? it hurts." he dramatically let his hand fall into his palms as more tears fell from his clearly angered eyes. most times I would let myself feel guilty and sorry for him as if I was the one that did the hurting. but this time I was done. nothing was officially over but the moment definitely was. he's going to have to find a way to win my attention back this time.

i tightened my pony tail and grabbed my cheer bag before walking out of our apartment, slamming the door behind me. it was so early in the morning that the sun was only rising as I walked out the door. I'm almost positive that everyone else on the team was asleep so I had to walk to practice. I was only a couple steps into my long walk when a car pulled up in front of me. well not in front but beside me. I continued walking until a window was rolled down and I heard a familiar voice call out.

"yo are you good?"

i was not. I had tears streaming down my face and I probably looked like I was just thrown in a pit of piranhas, but I cant say that.

"huh?" I turn my head to the side to see a white BMW pulled over. the voice I had heard earlier had a very memorable accent in it. Nika Muhl. 5'10 point guard. pretty hair. pretty eyes. just pretty.

"are you okay?" another voice reached out from the back of the car. Paige Bueckers of course. I finally looked down from my own height and saw a the brunette looking up at me with kinda eyes. her head was slightly tilted to the side while she waited for me to answer her question. "oh. uh." I waited a moment.

just before this I was telling myself that I wasn't going to put up with asher's bullshit anymore. that included hiding what was going on. Asher put me through shit. I mean he curb stomped my head on a pile of shit and dragged my face through it with his bare hands and never felt any regret.

"n-no not really." yeah I did that. fuck you ashe

[fruit-sy]

Finished watching the Soul Eater anime

AND I LOVE MAKA AND SOUL HOLY SHIT, YOUR HONOR THEY ARE A DUO . NEVER SEPARATE THEM AHSJBXKZHSB

After watching jjk, Nobara was my 2nd favourite character because of how she's both badass and girly, but I was bummed that she didn't appear as much as I wanted her to in the anime, so I looked to other animes where a girl was the main character and saw Soul Eater had a female main protagonist.

The first episode and I was HOOKED. LOVED IT AAA MAKA KNOWS HOW TO KICK ASS AND SHE'S SO COOL AGSJWWJCOQLFJWK

At first I was kinda on the fence about the art style, but after getting into the first episode I positively ADORE IT. So much charm and style and exaggerated poses which kinda reminds me of ROTTMNT in a way. I see people mentioning it was Tim Burton-esque, and I see it too. A lot of halloween vibes which was very fitting at the time.

Anyways, the fight animation was great, I loved Maka (and Soul) and I was very invested,, until the fanservice came out. I felt like bashing my skull against the wall and just dying inside because of how much I couldn't handle the cringe. But I held out because Maka was my light in the darkness.

Super glad I did because Maka is so fun to watch as a character huehehe. Her dynamic with other characters is really fun, she's a capable fighter and knows how to get around in a fight. She even goes off the hinge and if you know me that makes me giggle excitedly ehhehehehehe (poor crona tho ;_;)

My brother told me "It's an oldie but it's a goodie" and (for the most part) I very much agree. I was late to this anime by 14 years but better late than never amirite?

Anyways, Soul and Maka are everything to me and they should NOT be separated. Though Maka looks like the reasonable one, they're both equally dumbasses. They bicker a lot and sometimes have serious arguments which cause them to split apart, but their friendship runs very deep. I love how I feel like they stand equal with eachother, both pull their weight and one's presence completes the other's, whether literally through the weapon-meister relationship, or figuratively through their friendship and uplifiting eachother when they're down in the dumps.

Soul genuinely really cares for her. Like, he shields Maka in the fight with Stein, Crona, and when she fell, he's there to pull her out the deep end when she's gone into Madness or when her knees buckle under the pressure of a battle or when she's furious beyond belief, and he's loyal as hell and will go through hell and back for her

And the feeling is very mutual! Maka is devastated when he took a hit for her and is determined to get stronger. The scene where she picks up Soul although her hands were burnt by him was hype as hell.

Their whole schtick of like "staying cool" is also so adorable i cant my heart-

ANIME SPOILERS

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.

.

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The first half of the anime was fantastic. Though it pains me to say the second half was rather lackluster and the ending was disappointing imo. I've heard whispers of spoilers that they fumbled with the ending but I wanted to make that judgement by myself.

It baffles me why these studios don't just put the series on hiatus until more chapters from the manga releases.

Anyways, I'm currently picking up from the manga and I'm hoping for a better ending and story there ;u;

[magnolia-sunrise]

WAIT I read your tags abt the latest illustration being in Matteo's apartment, if you're willing to share how that came to be (from a canon or your process perspective) I would love to know hehehe

omg i went to sleep like 5 min before getting this ask hfhdksf thank you for reading my tags and picking up on this!!

from the process point of view, in the first sketch the scene was supposed to take place in the clinic since its kinda. the most common and logical place for some severed arm hand holding to be going on. and instead of the window there would be the board with anatomical illustrations and surgical tools behind them plus some shelves and such (not visible on the sketch since i ended up erasing a bunch of it before merging it for painting OTL)

but the indoor lighting just didn't hit the feeling i wanted to achieve and i ended up going for the window and the view of the setting sun and skies aflame for a more symbolic depiction of their mutual burning desire to jump each other right there :^) buut the clinic doesn't have a window like that, and doesn't have seating like that and eventually more and more of the initial background fell away as i was painting i realized the other location this could be (i cant explain why its internally important to keep the details of the clinic layout etc at least somewhat intact for me when noone else knows what it looks like. sometimes i really have to fight my brain on this stuff to allow myself for a bit less realistic approach hfjshfj). but yeah painting the seat and the nice curtains and the picture frames on the walls, it became more and more clear that its Matteo's and Bastien's apartment, and Wolf's first time being there.

story wise, it's a point of "escalation" as at the time they would both be aware of their feelings for each other without the ability to act on it, but Wolfgang is not patient and constantly tries to incrementally push boundaries of how deep Bastien will let them in. so picture Wolf being injured, seeing the clinic closed and deciding to try and invite themself to Bastien's private space (who doesn't even bother asking how they know where he and Matteo live). Bastien is dressed very casually, so this was always going to be "after hours" in the clinic when they're no longer expecting normal patients, in his home just putting on a pair of gloves and glasses to quickly clean and dress the wounds and examine the arm. i think Wolfgang being in this space, that Bastien only shares with Matteo, brings a very specific tension to the air between them, not to mention the fact they both become very aware of Wolf feeling the touch of Bastien's hands on their own severed arm (they can't move it, but they can still feel it. this is not usual for other androids).

it's like this forbidden, stolen moment, being invited to Bastien's home, seeing him in this sunset light, feeling their warm touch when his boyfriend could come home any moment and it feels like these few moments stretch forever. they won't talk about it, but both of them will think about the intimacy of that touch for a long time.

(the sunset light itself is also a symbolic but a significant thing in terms of literal time of day this takes place. it seems minor but the two of them really only see each other during hours of the night and in artificial lighting. and a very important point of their relationship comes when they actually see each other at sunrise and full daylight for the first time properly :" ) but that's ways off hhf)

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

Lmfaooo I know I already yapped my way into ur inbox earlier but. Sighhhh aroace reader has been on my mind again and I’m literally screaming clutching my torso rolling around on the floor crying thinking about it no joke <///333

I think that aroace reader + stsg comes with SO much comedic potential I physically cannot 😭😭 especially with reader who’s pretty much romance averse with satosugu (secretly) being their exception… like maybe shoko and utahime end up talking about their love lives and ask reader about THEIR love life and reader just deadpans “oh I don’t do romance. Doesn’t interest me” and satosugu (particular toru) are just like “….🙁ok but but but but but but-“ LMFAOO BUT THIS ALSO WORKS WITH READER WHOS COMPLETELY UNAWARE OF HOW STSG FEEL ABOUT THEM DESPITE IT BEING OBVIOUS TO EVERYONE ELSE???? imagine being with them out in public, being all affectionate n shit and then a cashier asks “oh are you guys dating? :)” and before either of them can get a word in ur just like “oh no, we’re just close friends haha!!! I know it looks like we do but none of us having feelings for each other at all haha!!!!” And they just look so fucking dejected like satorus shoulders slump and he puts on such a babyish pout…… and sugus just nodding and smiling along (he’s trying not to start screaming and crying on the floor) or maybe someone comes up to you and asks for your number before noticing suguru with his arm wrapped around your waist and satoru who’s got his arm around your shoulders and is looking at you like you hung the stars with your bare hands n the person is like “oh sorry I didn’t notice you guys are dating!!!” But reader is just like “huh?? No we’re not dating u can have my number!!” LMFAOOO I CAN SEE SATORU PULLING THIS FACE

They’re so funny I actually cannotttt 😭😭😭 another thing that’s been on my mind is that if sugu didn’t leave and stsg + reader sorted out their feelings for each other, they could all be teen parents to little Megumi ☹️☹️ satoru gets some money from his rich aah family (cause no way they aren’t rich cmon he was spoiled as a kid) and buys a nice apartment for you all, maybe somewhere by the sea… firm believer that suguru is the mother of all time like. He absolutely makes pancakes with syrup and blueberries and whatever else for u all in the morning……. U guys wake up early in the morning sometimes when it’s still a little dark with Megumi in his tiny little raincoat and take him out for walks by the beach….. collecting pretty rocks and seashells….. megumis dogs swimming in the ocean and satoru skipping stones while sugu reminds him not to go too close incase the tide comes in unexpectedly and he gets his shoes soaked…… I gotta stop myself now or else I’ll go on the lengthiest sugu rant you’ve ever seen but. You get the idea. Sugu being a caretaker mommy for one actual baby and one baby that’s actually a tall pouty bastard that’s so insufferably charming <//333 and you ofc!!! (His favourite baby) (joke he adores you all equally) (even if he lovingly pretends satoru is his least favourite)

HAAHHAAAAA I SERIOUSLY CANT STOP THINKING AB THEM I NEED HELP 😭😭😭 AS ALWAYS I HOPE UR DOING ALRIGHT N TAKING CARE OF URSELF!!! AND ARIIIII the merman sugu asks you’ve been getting have actually been making me laugh my ass off everytimeeeee 😭😭 sugu flopping around like a seal and hating all humans except reader is so fucking funny to me like he’s just straight up dissing the human race but just looks you dead in the eyes and says “but you’re one of the good ones” GOODBYEEEEE 💀💀💀 ANYWAYS HOW HAVE U BEEN???? UP TO ANYTHING INTERESTING??? :3 🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤 gives u a flower + pancakes (sugu made them) u deserve it mwah mwah hope ur ok <333 🌷🥞

OLLIEEEEEE IT’S ALWAYS GREAT TO SEE U IN MY INBOX DW !!! we are yapping together 🫂🫂

PHDJDGDHDH THIS CONCEPT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME I HOPE U KNOW THAT 😭😭…. aroace!reader makes us all insane god bless. u are so REAL for mentioning the comedic potential bc it’s literally so beautiful….. i think i’m biased towards this option:

reader who’s pretty much romance averse with satosugu (secretly) being their exception… like maybe shoko and utahime end up talking about their love lives and ask reader about THEIR love life and reader just deadpans “oh I don’t do romance. Doesn’t interest me” and satosugu (particular toru) are just like “….🙁ok but but but but but but-“

IT’S JUST SOOOO FUNNY AND SWEET…. but i think stsg would also be so smug abt being reader’s exceptions 😭😭 losers. lovesick fools. utahime is just like… don’t you and those idiots have a thing 🤨🤨 and reader just goes well yeah but that’s different. they’re satoru and suguru. <- as if it’s just the most obvious thing in the world and stsg are sitting there all quiet and smug….. mentally squealing……… idk i just lovelovelove the idea of reader being very blunt with their emotions because they just don’t view romance in the same way others would and it flusters stsg Every Single Time. they used to always daydream abt being teasing bfs and making them flustered by acting all lovey-dovey but as it turns out they’re the ones who keep getting caught off guard by reader….

this is rlly just a random thought but. i’m just imagining them in the future, living together, not necessarily labelled in any way but they very much Love each other… suguru is smoking by the balcony late at night (he’s planning on quitting bc he doesn’t want to worry his babies <3) while satoru & reader are keeping him company… and reader just casually mentions that they want to live with stsg forever. that they’re happiest like that and don’t ever want it to end. and they’re just bluntly telling the truth but suguru and satoru are genuinely Losing It bc????? did we just get proposed to ????????? satoru is oddly quiet bc he’s trying to stop himself from blushing and suguru just clears his throat and tells reader that they feel the same way ….. but he’s not nearly as suave as usual bc he is in fact getting choked up LMAOO i love them sm they’re so silly ….. T—T

ok but back to ur lovely thoughts !!!! the idea of aroace!reader being oblivious is also rlly charming to me 😭😭 SATORU MAKING THAT FACE LMAO HE SOOO WOULD ……. i picture suguru just kinda twitching lol like he’s trying sooo hard to keep it together but a part of him kinda wants to kiss reader all over their pretty face so that they get the message. (jokes on him bc reader would somehow still assume that it was just … platonic kissing … just kissing the homies goodnight …..) sigh. it’s tough out here for stsg BUT i think they’d also be really endeared by it …… their oblivious lil reader….

AND WAHHHHH LIL BABY GUMI 🥺🥺🥺🥺 OLLIEEEE YOU’RE KILLING ME a nice house by the sea…….. taking walks by the beach…… and . mommy sugu ..,, our lord and saviour ……. makes u breakfast every morning and wakes u up by kissing u :(((( lets u cling to him while he cooks .. sighhhh. sigh sigh sigh. being a househusband could’ve fixed him idc 😔😔

Sugu being a caretaker mommy for one actual baby and one baby that’s actually a tall pouty bastard that’s so insufferably charming <//333 and you ofc!!! (His favourite baby) (joke he adores you all equally) (even if he lovingly pretends satoru is his least favourite)

AND THISSSS PLS u know the way to my heart….. caretaker mommy sugu 🥺🥺🥺 he would thrive off taking care of his babies like truly. he’s the Mother ever. and now he has one lil baby to Actually Mother and two overgrown babies to coddle and tease…… his dream life tbh. now i’m just imagining reader, toru & gumi waking sugu up on mother’s day to celebrate LMAOO they made a cake and everything….. he’s exasperated but secretly very touched :’3 maybe tears up a lil later when he’s looking at the world’s best mommy <3 cup u guys bought him LOL he’s such a sap …..

AND ARIIIII the merman sugu asks you’ve been getting have actually been making me laugh my ass off everytimeeeee 😭😭 sugu flopping around like a seal and hating all humans except reader is so fucking funny to me like he’s just straight up dissing the human race but just looks you dead in the eyes and says “but you’re one of the good ones” GOODBYEEEEE 💀💀💀

PHDJDJJD NO BECAUSE SAMEEEE i still have a couple more mer!sugu asks to get to actually… they’re all so great…… my anons have converted me fully into a mer!sugu stan and now i can’t stop thinking abt him 😭😭 HE’S SOOOO FUNNY U GET IT COMPLETELY LIKE …. he’s just a grumpy little seal man ……. ”you’re one of the good ones” NO BC LITERALLY!! THAT’S HOW HE FEELS…… reader is his emotional support human <33 he doesn’t like anyone else and WILL consider drowning anyone who gives them trouble but then reader gives him a Look and he’s like. sigh. 😒😒😒 you’re no fun. <-… he’s insane actually BUT WE LOVE HIM <33333 silly lil fishy !!

WAHHH URE SO SWEET OLLIE 😭😭🥺🥺 thank u for the flowers and sugu’s pancakes…….. i am munching on them gratefully…… here are some nice sunflowers 🌻🌻🌻 and croissants 🥐🥐🥐 for u <333 I’M DOING WELLL trying to catch up on asks + cooking up a lil sashisu/reader thingie.. 👀👀 i haven’t been able to post fics as regularly bc of uni but hopefully i can get it out by next weekend :33 and thennnn i think i’ll focus on mer!sugu…

ANYWAY WHAT ABT U ???? how have u been ?? tell me tell me 🎤🎤…… i hope it’s sunny wherever u are, here it’s still cold n gray T—T but spring will be with us soon … stay strong …….