#i care about him so very much (or to the extent this project demonstrates)

[kingofthering]

@moonshynecybin I was about to send you an ask but then it got long and tumblr was all about characters limit and whatever, so, making this a text post.

I was having thoughts about the insanity that must be going on inside of Marc's brain in the forced to come out AU and then I saw your "last Rosquez sex pre-Sepang" ask and it gave me even more thoughts.

In my head, Marc is unable to have meaningless or hate sex meanwhile Valentino can go for it easily (or so he thinks until our protagonist meets Marc, anyway) so obviously, Valentino is the one who guides them into sleeping together again in 2016 (can't decide if it's as early as the tests or if maybe Barcelona makes his last reserve break or something but— details). And if he promised himself in October of 2015, that this was the last time he was having sex with Marc, but then he lets them be together again and that leads them to being caught? Well, I am not an expert in Valentino & guilt but that sure is something interesting to consider.

Do I believe that Valentino is agreeing to the fake dating plan out of guilt? Maybe just a tiny bit. For the most part it's because he cares about Marc and can't stand to see him go through this alone/in the worst way possible (not that he can recognize that at the beginning, of course, but you know).

I loved that you mentioned the idea of Yamaha telling Valentino he could deal with this alone/didn't have to go with the plan with Marc (and it would of course be easier for him). There is a part of me that wants to push things and say the photos identify Marc very clearly but like, there could be ~reasonable doubts about Vale (not to take things too far and make him too much of a "hero" here but, that's an option, I guess).

Anyway, back to what this was originally supposed to be about : Marc's brain. All considerings, things went like this :

the man he idolized all his life became his friend and then they started having sex and Marc thought they at least were friends and understood each other in the fields that mattered to him

same man betrayed him in front of the whole world and basically called him a dangerous rider that he doesn't want to share tracks with him [and obviously this leads to all the backlash Marc had to go through but I think what stung the most, at the end of the day, was the realization that Valentino thought of him like that]

at the end of the day, I don't think Marc is one to hold grudges [or I am projecting my own self here, my bad] and if Valentino comes up to him and wants him in some kind of way? of course Marc is going to take what he can have, even if he quickly realizes Valentino is not open to the two of them talking

Valentino agreeing to the two of them fake dating? it makes absolutely zero sense, there is a part of Marc that sees this as a sign of hope and it's bad because the last time Marc hoped they had a good thing going on, Valentino destroyed him in public without any kind of warning

"Risk Management is new to the Marc Marquez system" is a quote that I absolutely adore and that he let out into the world in 2023 but I can see home boy showing some kind of self-preservation in this scenario [and Marc initially struggling to be close to Vale (like you showed so well in your short post) is part Marc not being a good actor/feeling uncomfortable demonstrating PDA in public and part Marc trying to protect himself from his own feelings for Vale] [is Marc aware of the extent of his feelings? of course not, but still]

also, like, let's be real, this is the whole fantasy Marc never really allowed himself to think about and to "live" it in those conditions? yeah, not exactly easy on the heart and brain

I have no idea where I was going with all that but in any case, I know they have a fight one day where Valentino is like "Marc, you need to put in more efforts" and "I'm doing this for you" [he didn't mean for those words to come out but oops] and that has Marc calling him out on his hypocrisy.

On a very unrelated note, I'm very curious about when they have sex again in this AU (or even when they kiss, will have to think about that).

[momthesearemydinnerguests]

Re: My last reblog

IDK if reblogs were turned off or I've been blocked, so I'm responding here. I hope this doesn't come across as argumentative because i don't mean it to be. I'm just bad at tone. but I promise I genuinely want to have a discussion because i adore this fandom with all my heart.

@virginiaisforvampires Oh, don't get me wrong!! I am in no way trying to justify Armand in this scene. i 1000% agree that his "seduction" of Lestat in that scene is an act of incredible violence and cruelty. Armand DID try to rape Lestat, and Lestat absolutely should have wrecked his shit. I apologize if my wording made it seem like i was team Armand in this instance, because I absolutely am not. Lestat is 100% the victim in this instance. I'm a CSA survivor myself and I am deeply sorry if my wording implied that I was blaming Lestat. But I bring it up because 1) the obvious mirror in the show, and 2) it demonstrates how ridiculously powerful Lestat is even as a fledgling only a couple weeks/months old.

I also want to be clear that I am not saying the ep 5 scene happened in the books. It didn't. Like hands down. I don't even think that lestat is physically abusive in the books. I know it came across that way in my original response, and I apologize. i was in a rush and not separating my points out the best. I agree to an extent that In the Interview!book, Lestat and Louis do get into physical altercations and both parties are at fault. Hell, I'll even concede that in the physical altercations we see in the book, Louis is usually the aggressor (for example, when Louis almost kills Claudia, it is Louis who pins Lestat against the wall and rails at him). However, there is an inherent power imbalance in the Loustat relationship. Of course, i also FULLY believe that Lestat would do his best to hold back because he loves Louis with 100% of his being and wouldn't want to hurt him. But that doesn't mean that the imbalance isn't there. If Lestat's capable of doing that much damage to Armand - a vampire 200 years older than him who was also created by an ancient one - it's difficult to picture Louis and Lestat being evenly matched in a physical fight.

I also want to point out that reactive abuse is a very real thing... When Louis lashes out in the book, it's not without reason. And Lestat himself admits this, multiple times, throughout the books. When I say Lestat is abusive, I'm not talking about the physical violence. I'm talking about the way he targets people Louis cares about (Frenier, for example) - even if he has valid reasons (Frenier's plot to betray his family and leave his sister's with nothing), Louis is never made aware of these reasons and Lestat makes no attempts to explain. i'm talking about the fact that Lestat frequently projects his own trauma around being turned, and mocks Louis for his struggles with vampirism as a way of punishing himself. I'm talking about how he does to Claudia the exact thing he hated magnus for - turning her without her consent, condemning her to a life he didn't even want, without regard for what that transformation would mean for her. He denies them access to information, and even though he has good reasons for it (fear of marius's retribution, fear of the destruction of the vampire race, etc.), he's far from kind in the way he does so. In my experience, most abusers aren't sitting in their chair rubbing their hands together Bond villain style thinking of ways they can hurt you. Often they genuinely think that they are trying to make you stronger or to protect you from the world. it doesn't make their abuse any less real, it just makes it harder to see if for what it is.

As to @nalyra-dreaming's point about proving my own objection... I'm not objecting? My whole point there was that Armand is absolutely twisting the narrative. It's a thing he does all the time in the books. He will do anything to not feel alone, and that frequently involves tampering with memory and perception. The fact that the ep5 DV scene so closely mirrors his fights with Lestat in TVL is intentional. I absolutely believe that it could reasonably (and probably will) turn out that Armand is twisting the narrative and passing his own memories off as Louis's. While I personally don't like it for the reasons I stated , it fits with the narrative. But if it is a deception on Armand's part, the deception is effective precisely because Lestat is capable of such violence, even if it was never directed at Louis personally. After all, he's witnessed the violence lestat has directed at people less powerful than him (the priest in ep1, the tenor, their victims on murder night). I grew up in an abusive household, and even if it was never directed at me personally, I spent a lot of time waiting for the moment when the other shoe drops and it is directed at you. And Louis himself isn't immune to fits of excessive violence! If he himself struggles so hard to contain his rage, it makes sense he would fear Lestat doing the same. And if Lestat is capable of that level of violence, that means that it is also possible that it's not a deception. Rejecting the scene outright to me feels like turning a blind eye on that aspect.

Long story short, I agree that the DV scene in ep5 probably didn't go down the way Louis has presented in season 1, as much as I hope otherwise. I don't think that the story we've been presented so far is the WHOLE truth, but I don't see any reject it as a flat out lie. Even the books (at least the first five) I don't recall Lestat saying that Louis is a liar, but that Louis omits details and context, and/or misunderstands the situation. I do take issue with the idea that idea that Lestat isn't capable of that level of violence (not saying that's what y'all are doing, but I've seen a lot of that on my dash lately), and I do take issue with the statement that Lestat isn't abusive. The whole story is about a cycle of abuse (Marius+Santino to Armand, -> Armand+Magnus+Gabrielle to Lestat -> Lestat to Louis+Claudia) compounded by existing trauma, and the ways in which the characters struggle to break the cycle. And that's why it is so rewarding when they do succeed.

I personally don't want the scene retconned. I don't think it's necessary, and it would rub me the wrong way because of my own history with abuse and not being believed, or being told that I somehow deserved it. I don't think it takes away from Lestat's inherent goodness to have him fall so low in a moment of weakness. I don't think it changes the story either way. I'll also understand if they do, though, because it does fit with Armand's character. I don't understand the animosity I'm seeing between people who want it retconned and people who don't, because either way, it's all just speculation until season 2 actually aires. Both paths are capable of staying true to the characters and the story of the Vampire Chronicles.

[freddie-weaselbee]

Welcome Back❤️

🍎Okay like I somehow see our dear Frederick smitten and intrigued by Slytherin, maybe it’s just me but something is telling me he would definitely date one and a Slytherin would be his type.

So can you do a hc for Fred and a Slytherin💚Thank you

ok babes as a slytherin who’s in love w Freddie I have SO MANY thoughts

ok first of all we all know that they weasleys have their biases

especially Ron

I feel like the twins would still have a bias against Slytherins but they never had like personal fights w any of them like Ron and Harry did w Malfoy

so they’re a little more open

that being said

Slytherins do happen to make great pranking targets

especially in snape’s class

ok so imagine it’s potions w Gryffindor and Slytherin

and you’re sitting across the room with your friends

cuz no fraternizing w the enemy obviously 🙄

and suddenly all the Gryffindors duck for cover and you and your friends are so confused

and then the dung bombs go off

and snape is LIVID

and your friends are LIVID

and you make eye contact w Fred, who you’ve only ever talked to during projects

and you start to plan revenge

ok whoever came up w the idea that Slytherins are all stuck up snobs is completely wrong

they’re just as big troublemakers as Gryffindors but more sneaky about it

can’t be getting caught and jeopardizing their future

so they’re more subtle

no one saw it coming, especially Fred

ok so you’re at dinner

in the great hall

and I’m pretty sure that Gryffindor and slytherin tables are on opposite ends of the room

so it’s even MORE impressive that you did this

but some time when Fred was distracted w George you swap his wand w a replica

a hexed replica

you don’t know why you only chose to prank Fred and not George too

he’s the more annoying one, that’s it

not because you love the cocky look in his eyes

or his loud laugh

or because you maybe want to impress him w your pranking abilities

nope nope

none of that

so you plan this perfectly

the next time he’d probably use his wand is potions in the morning

you’re all filed in and in your normal seats

the Slytherins are pissed about the prank

but what else is new

and snape decides to single out the twins

cuz he’s also still pretty pissed

and Fred has to demonstrate something

and Fred’s smart right?

like he and George might not try, but they invented so many products using potions knowledge

but when he tries to cast the spell and rubber ducks fly out

curtesy of mr. weasleys love for said objects

he’s going crazy

he tries again and suddenly his robes are replaced w the girls uniform

ok but Fred in a short skirt? say less

at this point everyone is cackling

especially George

especially you

even snape has to turn away to avoid showing a small grin

and Fred is so frustrated cuz hE KNOWS THIS SPELL

HOW IS THIS HAPPENING HE KNOWS THIS SPELL

one last time

and his skin was now dyed green

signature slytherin green

you can’t hold back anymore and you practically fall off your chair laughing

meanwhile fred can’t figure out who in the world pranked him

and this well

how did he not see it coming ??

the two of you make quick eye contact

something that had always been common between you before one would glance away

but this time you stare

and wink

THE SIGNATURE FRED WEASLEY WINK

oh boy

Fred doesnt know what to do

you’re a slytherin

you’re supposed to be all mean and a blood purist and blah blah blah

but now that he thinks about it

you’ve never been that way

in fact you’re one of the only Slytherins Fred’s never targeted directly w a prank

oh but that’s about to change

hence the beginning of the Gryffindor/Slytherin prank war

no one else knows it was you

and no one believes Fred when he tells them

which just makes it easier for you to get away w everything

flash forward a few weeks

you and Fred are both out past curfew

tryna set up more great pranks for the other

and then, of course, enter filch

after some very close calls you both wind up in a broom closet

...😏

and you’re arguing as always

whisper shouting as to not get caught

“you ruined my prank, it was gonna be amazing too!”

“oh please, you did the same one last month, everyone would’ve seen it coming.”

“and I suppose you have better ideas?”

“well now that you mention it...”

...

“show me”

and suddenly you two are partners and bouncing ideas off of each other

George would be jealous if he found out

but you and Fred do make a good team

I also feel like since there’s the tension between the two houses you keep your newfound friendship a secret

like you still hate each other

but only in public

in private, you’re best friends

until one night when you pull of the best prank known to man

and you’re both filled w adrenaline and running through the forbidden forest screaming w joy

and Fred just wraps you in his arms

and pulls you tight

and kisses you w no hesitation

and of course you kiss back

it’s been like a minute and you’ve barely taken a breath

so you both pull back and are like

😳...what was that?

but then you shrug and kiss him again

cuz you’ve been waiting years to do that

not that you’d ever let him know

but it’s fine because it’s the same deal for him

and now the secret friendship is a secret relationship

it’s tough at first

your friends would judge you a lot for dating a weasley

and Ron would probably flip if he knew Fred was dating you

but eventually you had to come clean

and by “had to” I mean Draco caught you making out in the Slytherin common room late at night and told the whole school

and you guys were right to some extent

Ron had a rough time w it at first and so did your friends

but what you didn’t expect was how much ppl already knew

“yeah I know you’ve been sneaking off to snog her every night, who do you think has been covering for you?”

“George... WHAT?”

—-

“you have like 3 of his jumpers under your bed, we’ve known for weeks.”

“well that’s fantastic.”

but anyways

it’s all out in the open now

and for the most part everyone’s happy for you

even the teachers

except snape

but who cares about snape anyway

now you’re the school power couple

and everyone loves you

and is low key afraid of you

cuz they know about your pranking habits

and competitive edges

one fight between you two and all hell breaks loose

but overall

you both have never been happier

and it doesn’t matter what people in your houses think

because it’s just a stupid house color

and it doesn’t mean anything to you guys

except quidditch games, cuz then any love you have for each other disappears and you’re willing to rip the other to shreds

true love <3

[takethetrain]

I feel like those of us devoted to the Carstairs siblings have not shown Lucie Herondale enough love for all she’s done for our faves. imo, nobody’s doing it like she is. Look at this.

For Cordelia:

Lucie was a reliable, consistent friend for years when almost nothing else in Cordelia’s life was reliable or consistent. Through their constant moving, through her father’s “illnesses,” through periods of familial tension, Lucie sent her weekly letters and monthly updates to The Beautiful Cordelia.

On the second point: a four-year-long novel project is no joke, and anyone who’s ever written anything has some idea what an insane declaration of love that is.

In general, Lucie is immensely generous with affection, from The Beautiful Cordelia to her attempt to learn Persian to her asking Cordelia to be parabatai! How nice for anyone to have that kind of friend in their life—but especially Cordelia, who also expresses affection so readily and has spent two books now being tormented by unrequited/uneven love.

Lucie always seems to know what Cordelia needs/how to care for her. Let’s take Elias’s death as an example: she sits with her, comforts her and spends time mulling over positive Elias memories with her, which is all really lovely and a considerable step up from James’s rising to an argument with her and Matthew’s placing the burden of emotional labor on her the day her father died, like really, boys, pull yourselves together and take care of the grieving person you love for one evening please!

For Alastair:

Lucie defends him multiple times, which is especially notable given that she has no personal reason to do so—he’s not her brother or her love interest or even her friend, so she has no selfish stake in the Thieves’ treatment of him. She simply cares for Cordelia, and more importantly, she knows her well enough to know that Cordelia and Alastair are a package deal and caring for one means at the very least maintaining civility towards the other. This is something literally no one else seems to get, but Lucie does!

Specifically I’m talking about the wedding, where Lucie chastises Thomas for lashing out at Alastair (and really makes sure her disappointment is clear, rather than being gentle or light-hearted about it), and the scene at the Devil Tavern where she points out how selfless Alastair was to follow Thomas and announces for everyone to hear that she cares about him.

Also, when she runs after him at the engagement party in ChoG! She’s not doing it for him—she doesn’t want him to leave because his absence will sadden Cordelia—but again, this demonstrates a knowledge of Cordelia’s wants and needs that is unparalleled among the mains (certainly nobody else seems worried that Alastair running from the party in tears might upset Cordelia in any way). Furthermore, despite having literally just heard the extent of the rumor business, Lucie retains her capacity for sympathy—she compares seeing Alastair’s tears to the first time she saw her father cry, and it’s distressing enough that she’s glad when he breaks through it to snap at her.

Basically Lucie Herondale is a consistent force for good in the Carstairs siblings’ lives when so much else sucks for them—and I love her for this and many other reasons I could write many other essays about.

[jadedpen]

Welcomed with open arms part 3

Sibling!Half phantom!GN!Reader x Sbi family (+ Tubbo)

Summary: Y/N is now learning to fly, but gets hurt while doing so, so the bois help you :3

For context: Wilbur and Techno are twins, the reader is the youngest of the family with Tubbo being a little older than Tommy, and Tommy is 2-3 years older than the reader. This chapter takes place 2 years after the first chapter.

TW: slightly graphic description of bones breaking, so look out for that

Ao3 link:

“Alright, mate. It’s time for you to learn how to fly.”

As your father said those words, you jumped up with excitement. You’d always wanted to fly on your own, and now the day has come.

“Though, before we start the actual flying, you need to learn the basic techniques and cautions; the first being never fly too close to the ground, less you could accidentally hit it and go tumbling. It would lead to several bruises and possibly a broken bone or more. Trust me. It isn’t fun.” He reminisced on his first time flying, expressing a face of cringe and pain.

“Anyway,” He started by showing you proper take off stances, with you following in his steps. “a good way to take off is to jump off a high place, but the height depends on experience. Since you are inexperienced, we will start with a small hill.”

The hill your father took you to was relatively small; right next to your house. He held you as you flapped your wings, “now, you don’t just want to flap them. Think of a bird. You need to sometimes glide, less you go too high or tire your wings out which is never fun.”

He then sets you down in front of him, with him flapping his big wings in a similar, yet more graceful manner than you. Of course, this action took him a few feet off the ground but as he stopped, he landed on the ground with a thump.

“Now, the actual take off. When you take off something like a hill like this, you first want to do like a running start, but sometimes you can just jump off the edge if it was a cliff. But in our case, it’s a hill.”

He demonstrated a position where his left leg was in front, his back leg behind him, and his arms in front of him touching the ground, like he was about to start running. You quickly copied his movements. “Once you are here, you pull yourself forward like you're running close to the ground, and quickly spread your wings to their fullest extent and glide,” he did as he said, gliding across and landed at the bottom of the small hill, “you think you can do that? I’ll catch you, don’t worry.”

You decided to trust your father, and replicated him. You did the stance, and took off, spreading your wings to their full length, and glided towards him, with him catching you in his arms. “That was great, Y/N!” He yelled with a smile. You smiled back at him, your wings fluttering happily behind you. “You did amazing! I bet that when you grow up, you’ll be able to fly like me!”

You giggled and flapped your wings, your father also flapping in a similar fashion. “Now, let’s do a few more times and then we’ll have some lunch. That sound good to you?” You giggled and nodded your head, agreeing with him.

As the day went on, you and your father flew together. Him teaching you various landing and flying positions, maybe a few tricks, and you following along with him. And eventually, but begrudgingly and a lot of pleading, he allowed you to fly without his supervision. Great idea that was.

So, you flew. Of course, your flying wasn’t perfect. It was your first day, so of course it wasn’t gonna go exactly as planned. And, despite your father’s wishes, you decided it was an ‘amazing idea’ to jump off the highest fucking cliff you could find. But, before your father’s various crows could go and alert him, you had already jumped off and started to glide.

But, because of your speed, you weren’t able to control your direction and you lost control, and slammed right into a tree. It was a tall tree too, unluckily, you also dropped about 30 feet onto the cold hard ground. You're just happy you survived any of that.

Of course, your father came flying at the fastest you’ve ever seen him fly, with the crows cawing beside him. “HOLY SHIT Y/N! I TOLD YOU YOU TO NOT GO OFF ANY CLIFFS. ESPECIALLY THAT ONE!” Your father carried you back to the house very worried and, frankly, very scared.

He scolded you as he and Techno bandaged and healed you up with healing potions. “I am at a loss for words Y/N. Why did you think that idea was going to work?”

Despite your father being at a ‘loss for words’, he continued to lecture you the entire night. At some point, Wilbur and Tubbo had gone behind him and started to copy all of his moves and lip-sync his words, which prompted you to start giggling a little.

Your father looked behind himself, and started to laugh a little too as Wilbur and Tubbo started to mock him now, reciting his words and his movements. “Boys, boys, I’m trying to be stern. It’s not gonna work if you keep making everyone laugh.” Your father says, while giggling.

“Be careful Wil, you might make the old man fall over. You know the years haven’t been kind to him.” Tommy then began to mock father, pretending to be an old man. “Oh I’m Phil. My brittle bones can’t handle all of the funny talk you kids spit out.” Your father laughed more at all the mocking of him.

“Is that really how you see me?” Father asks, looking at Tommy specifically. “Yeah. Pretty much. It’s like looking in a mirror, right?” Responding to your father, Tommy shrugged while smiling. lol.

“Techno, what do you think?” Next to you, Techno promptly looked up from his book, looked your father up and down, “Dad looks like he could be put in an ancient artifacts store.” “Techno why do you betray me like this” “it’s fun, what can I say?”

Through all of the laughing, you still got a lecture from dad. Your punishment was no flying out of his, Techno’s, or Wilbur’s vision. Of course, you literally couldn’t for the time being since they were broken, but that was the rule now.

As the night went on, you, your father, and your siblings played cards. The twins always were head to head throughout the duration of the games, trying their best to outwit the other. Sadly, the night had to be cut short by Father, for if they went longer one of them would end up with a broken limb. Though, it was very entertaining, to watch them bicker and stare at each other with pure rage and perseverance.

Then afterwards, you all went to sleep in the living room, sweet dreams following in tow.

TAGLIST:

@bestioe

[shortnotsweet]

Bakudeku: A Non-Comprehensive Dissection of the Exploitation of Working Bodies, the Murder of Annoying Children, and a Rivals-to-Lovers Complex

I. Bakudeku in Canon, And Why Anti’s Need to Calm the Fuck Down

II. Power is Power: the Brain-Melting Process of Normalization and Toxic Masculinity

III. How to Kill Middle Schoolers, and Why We Should

IV. Parallels in Abuse, EnemiesRivals-to-Lovers, and the Necessity of Redemption ft. ATLA’s Zuko

V. Give it to Me Straight. It’s Homophobic.

VI. Love in Perspective, from the East v. West

VII. Stuck in the Sludge, the Past, and Season One

Disclaimer

It needs to be said that there is definitely a place for disagreement, discourse, debate, and analysis: that is a sign of an active fandom that’s heavily invested, and not inherently a bad thing at all. Considering the amount of source material we do have (from the manga, to the anime, to the movies, to the light novels, to the official art), there are going to be warring interpretations, and that’s inevitable.

I started watching and reading MHA pretty recently, and just got into the fandom. I was weary for a reason, and honestly, based on what I’ve seen, I’m still weary now. I’ve seen a lot of anti posts, and these are basically my thoughts. This entire thing is in no way comprehensive, and it’s my own opinion, so take it with a grain of salt. If I wanted to be thorough about this, I would’ve included manga panels, excerpts from the light novel, shots from the anime, links to other posts/essays/metas that have inspired this, etc. but I’m tired and not about that life right now, so, this is what it is. This is poorly organized, but maybe I’ll return to fix it.

Let’s begin.

Bakudeku in Canon, And Why Anti’s Need to Calm the Fuck Down

There are a lot of different reasons, that can be trivial as you like, to ship or not to ship two (or more) characters. It could be based purely off of character design, proximity, aversion to another ship, or hypotheticals. And I do think that it’s totally valid if someone dislikes the ship or can’t get on board with his character because to them, it does come across as abuse, and the implications make them uncomfortable or, or it just feels unhealthy. If that is your takeaway, and you are going to stick to your guns, the more power to you.

But Bakudeku’s relationship has canonically progressed to the point where it’s not the emotionally (or physically) abusive clusterfuck some people portray it to be, and it’s cheap to assume that it would be, based off of their characterizations as middle schoolers. Izuku intentionally opens the story as a naive little kid who views the lens of the Hero society through rose colored glasses and arguably wants nothing more than assimilation into that society; Bakugou is a privileged little snot who embodies the worst and most hypocritical beliefs of this system. Both of them are intentionally proven wrong. Both are brainwashed, as many little children are, by the propaganda and societal norms that they are exposed to. Both of their arcs include unlearning crucial aspects of the Hero ideology in order to become true heroes.

I will personally never simp for Bakugou because for the longest time, I couldn't help but think of him as a little kid on the playground screaming at the top of his lungs because someone else is on the swingset. He’s red in the face, there are probably veins popping out of his neck, he’s losing it. It’s easy to see why people would prefer Tododeku to Bakudeku.

Even now, seeing him differently, I still personally wouldn’t date Bakugou, especially if I had other options. Why? I probably wouldn’t want to date any of the guys who bullied me, especially because I think that schoolyard bullying, even in middle school, affected me largely in a negative way and created a lot of complexes I’m still trying to work through. I haven’t built a better relationship with them, and I’m not obligated to. Still, I associate them with the kind of soft trauma that they inflicted upon me, and while to them it was probably impersonal, to me, it was an intimate sort of attack that still affects me. That being said, that is me. Those are my personal experiences, and while they could undoubtedly influence how I interpret relationships, I do not want to project and hinder my own interpretation of Deku.

The reality is that Deku himself has an innate understanding of Bakugou that no one else does; I mention later that he seems to understand his language, implicitly, and I do stand by that. He understands what it is he’s actually trying to say, often why he’s saying it, and while others may see him as wimpy or unable to stand up for himself, that’s simply not true. Part of Deku’s characterization is that he is uncommonly observant and empathetic; I’m not denying that Bakugou caused harm or inflicted damage, but infantilizing Deku and preaching about trauma that’s not backed by canon and then assuming random people online excuse abuse is just...the leap of leaps, and an actual toxic thing to do. I’ve read fan works where Bakugou is a bully, and that’s all, and has caused an intimate degree of emotional, mental, and physical insecurity from their middle school years that prevents their relationship from changing, and that’s for the better. I’m not going to argue and say that it’s not an interesting take, or not valid, or has no basis, because it does. Its basis is the character that Bakugou was in middle school, and the person he was when he entered UA.

Not only is Bakugou — the current Bakugou, the one who has accumulated memories and experiences and development — not the same person he was at the beginning of the story, but Deku is not the same person, either. Maybe who they are fundamentally, at their core, stays the same, but at the beginning and end of any story, or even their arcs within the story, the point is that characters will undergo change, and that the reader will gain perspective.

“You wanna be a hero so bad? I’ve got a time-saving idea for you. If you think you’ll have a quirk in your next life...go take a swan dive off the roof!”

Yes. That is a horrible thing to tell someone, even if you are a child, even if you don’t understand the implications, even if you don’t mean what it is you are saying. Had someone told me that in middle school, especially given our history and the context of our interactions, I don’t know if I would ever have forgiven them.

Here’s the thing: I’m not Deku. Neither is anyone reading this. Deku is a fictional character, and everyone we know about him is extrapolated from source material, and his response to this event follows:

“Idiot! If I really jumped, you’d be charged with bullying me into suicide! Think before you speak!”

I think it’s unfair to apply our own projections as a universal rather than an interpersonal interpretation; that’s not to say that the interpretation of Bakudeku being abusive or having unbalanced power dynamics isn’t valid, or unfounded, but rather it’s not a universal interpretation, and it’s not canon. Deku is much more of a verbal thinker; in comparison, Bakugou is a visual one, at least in the format of the manga, and as such, we get various panels demonstrating his guilt, and how deep it runs. His dialogue and rapport with Deku has undeniably shifted, and it’s very clear that the way they treat each other has changed from when they were younger. Part of Bakugou’s growth is him gaining self awareness, and eventually, the strength to wield that. He knows what a fucked up little kid he was, and he carries the weight of that.

“At that moment, there were no thoughts in my head. My body just moved on its own.”

There’s a part of me that really, really disliked Bakugou going into it, partially because of what I’d seen and what I’d heard from a limited, outside perspective. I felt like Bakugou embodied the toxic masculinity (and to an extent, I still believe that) and if he won in some way, that felt like the patriarchy winning, so I couldn't help but want to muzzle and leash him before releasing him into the wild.

The reality, however, of his character in canon is that it isn’t very accurate to assume that he would be an abusive partner in the future, or that Midoryia has not forgiven him to some extent already, that the two do not care about each other or are singularly important, that they respect each other, or that the narrative has forgotten any of this.

Don’t mistake me for a Bakugou simp or apologist. I’m not, but while I definitely could also see Tododeku (and I have a soft spot for them, too, their dynamic is totally different and unique, and Todoroki is arguably treated as the tritagonist) and I’m ambivalent about Izuocha (which is written as cannoncially romantic) I do believe that canonically, Bakugou and Deku are framed as soulmates/character foils, Sasuke + Naruto, Kageyama + Hinata style. Their relationship is arguably the focus of the series. That’s not to undermine the importance or impact of Deku’s relationships with other characters, and theirs with him, but in terms of which one takes priority, and which one this all hinges on?

The manga is about a lot of things, yes, but if it were to be distilled into one relationship, buckle up, because it’s the Bakudeku show.

Power is Power: the Brain-Melting Process of Normalization and Toxic Masculinity

One of the ways in which the biopolitical prioritization of Quirks is exemplified within Hero society is through Quirk marriages. Endeavor partially rationalizes the abuse of his family through the creation of a child with the perfect quirk, a child who can be molded into the perfect Hero. People with powerful, or useful abilities, are ranked high on the hierarchy of power and privilege, and with a powerful ability, the more opportunities and avenues for success are available to them.

For the most part, Bakugou is a super spoiled, privileged little rich kid who is born talented but is enabled for his aggressive behavior and, as a child, cannot move past his many internalized complexes, treats his peers like shit, and gets away with it because the hero society he lives in either has this “boys will be boys” mentality, or it’s an example of the way that power, or Power, is systematically prioritized in this society. The hero system enables and fosters abusers, people who want power and publicity, and people who are genetically predisposed to have advantages over others. There are plenty of good people who believe in and participate in this system, who want to be good, and who do good, but that doesn’t change the way that the hero society is structured, the ethical ambiguity of the Hero Commission, and the way that Heroes are but pawns, idols with machine guns, used to sell merch to the public, to install faith in the government, or the current status quo, and reinforce capitalist propaganda. Even All Might, the epitome of everything a Hero should be, is drained over the years, and exists as a concept or idea, when in reality he is a hollow shell with an entire person inside, struggling to survive. Hero society is functionally dependent on illusion.

In Marxist terms: There is no truth, there is only power.

Although Bakugou does change, and I think that while he regrets his actions, what is long overdue is him verbally expressing his remorse, both to himself and Deku. One might argue that he’s tried to do it in ways that are compatible with his limited emotional range of expression, and Deku seems to understand this language implicitly.

I am of the opinion that the narrative is building up to a verbal acknowledgement, confrontation, and subsequent apology that only speaks what has gone unspoken.

That being said, Bakugou is a great example of the way that figures of authority (parents, teachers, adults) and institutions both in the real world and this fictional universe reward violent behavior while also leaving mental and emotional health — both his own and of the people Bakugou hurts — unchecked, and part of the way he lashes out at others is because he was never taught otherwise.

And by that, I’m referring to the ways that are to me, genuinely disturbing. For example, yelling at his friends is chill. But telling someone to kill themselves, even casually and without intent and then misinterpreting everything they do as a ploy to make you feel weak because you're projecting? And having no teachers stop and intervene, either because they are afraid of you or because they value the weight that your Quirk can benefit society over the safety of children? That, to me, is both real and disturbing.

Not only that, but his parents (at least, Mitsuki), respond to his outbursts with more outbursts, and while this is likely the culture of their home and I hesitate to call it abusive, I do think that it contributed to the way that he approaches things. Bakugou as a character is very complex, but I think that he is primarily an example of the way that the Hero System fails people.

I don’t think we can write off the things he’s done, especially using the line of reasoning that “He didn’t mean it that way”, because in real life, children who hurt others rarely mean it like that either, but that doesn’t change the effect it has on the people who are victimized, but to be absolutely fair, I don’t think that the majority of Bakudeku shippers, at least now, do use that line of reasoning. Most of them seem to have a handle on exactly how fucked up the Hero society is, and exactly why it fucks up the people embedded within that society.

The characters are positioned in this way for a reason, and the discoveries made and the development that these characters undergo are meant to reveal more about the fictional world — and, perhaps, our world — as the narrative progresses.

The world of the Hero society is dependent, to some degree, on biopolitics. I don’t think we have enough evidence to suggest that people with Quirks or Quirkless people place enough identity or placement within society to become equivalent to marginalized groups, exactly, but we can draw parallels to the way that Deku and by extent Quirkless people are viewed as weak, a deviation, or disabled in some way. Deviants, or non-productive bodies, are shunned for their inability to perform ideal labor. While it is suggested to Deku that he could become a police officer or pursue some other occupation to help people, he believes that he can do the most positive good as a Hero. In order to be a Hero, however, in the sense of a career, one needs to have Power.

Deviation from the norm will be punished or policed unless it is exploitable; in order to become integrated into society, a deviant must undergo a process of normalization and become a working, exploitable body. It is only through gaining power from All Might that Deku is allowed to assimilate from the margins and into the upper ranks of society; the manga and the anime give the reader enough perspective, context, and examples to allow us to critique and deconstruct the society that is solely reliant on power.

Through his societal privileges, interpersonal biases, internalized complexes, and his subsequent unlearning of these ideologies, Bakugou provides examples of the way that the system simultaneously fails and indoctrinates those who are targeted, neglected, enabled by, believe in, and participate within the system.

Bakudeku are two sides of the same coin. We are shown visually that the crucial turning point and fracture in their relationship is when Bakugou refuses to take Deku’s outstretched hand; the idea of Deku offering him help messes with his adolescent perspective in that Power creates a hierarchy that must be obeyed, and to be helped is to be weak is to be made a loser.

Largely, their character flaws in terms of understanding the hero society are defined and entangled within the concept of power. Bakugou has power, or privilege, but does not have the moral character to use it as a hero, and believes that Power, or winning, is the only way in which to view life. Izuku has a much better grasp on the way in which heroes wield power (their ideologies can, at first, be differentiated as winning vs. saving), and is a worthy successor because of this understanding, and of circumstance. However, in order to become a Hero, our hero must first gain the Power that he lacks, and learn to wield it.

As the characters change, they bridge the gaps of their character deficiencies, and are brought closer together through character parallelism.

Two sides of the same coin, an outstretched hand.

They are better together.

How to Kill Middle Schoolers, and Why We Should

I think it’s fitting that in the manga, a critical part of Bakugou’s arc explicitly alludes to killing the middle school version of himself in order to progress into a young adult. In the alternative covers Horikoshi released, one of them was a close up of Bakugou in his middle school uniform, being stabbed/impaled, with blood rolling out of his mouth. Clearly this references the scene in which he sacrifices himself to save Deku, on a near-instinctual level.

To me, this only cements Horikoshi’s intent that middle school Bakugou must be debunked, killed, discarded, or destroyed in order for Bakugou the hero to emerge, which is why people who do actually excuse his actions or believe that those actions define him into young adulthood don’t really understand the necessity for change, because they seem to imply that he doesn’t need/cannot reach further growth, and there doesn’t need to be a separation between the Bakugou who is, at heart, volatile and repressed the angry, and the Bakugou who sacrifices himself, a hero who saves people.

Plot twist: there does need to be a difference. Further plot twist: there is a difference.

In sacrificing himself for Deku, Bakugou himself doesn't die, but the injury is fatal in the sense that it could've killed him physically and yet symbolizes the selfish, childish part of him that refused to accept Deku, himself, and the inevitability of change. In killing those selfish remnants, he could actually become the kind of hero that we the reader understand to be the true kind.

That’s why I think that a lot of the people who stress his actions as a child without acknowledging the ways he has changed, grown, and tried to fix what he has broken don’t really get it, because it was always part of his character arc to change and purposely become something different and better. If the effects of his worst and his most childish self stick with you more, and linger despite that, that’s okay. But distilling his character down to the wrong elements doesn’t get you the bare essentials; what it gets you is a skewed and shallow version of a person. If you’re okay with that version, that is also fine.

But you can’t condemn others who aren’t fine with that incomplete version, and to become enraged that others do not see him as you do is childish.

Bakugou’s change and the emphasis on that change is canon.

Parallels in Abuse, EnemiesRivals-to-Lovers, and the Necessity of Redemption ft. ATLA’s Zuko

In real life, the idea that “oh, he must bully you because he likes you” is often used as a way to brush aside or to excuse the action of bullying itself, as if a ‘secret crush’ somehow negates the effects of bullying on the victim or the inability of the bully to properly process and manifest their emotions in certain ways. It doesn’t. It often enables young boys to hurt others, and provides figures of authority to overlook the real source of schoolyard bullying or peer review. The “secret crush”, in real life, is used to undermine abuse, justify toxic masculinity, and is essentially used as a non-solution solution.

A common accusation is that Bakudeku shippers jump on the pairing because they romanticize pairing a bully and a victim together, or believe that the only way for Bakugou to atone for his past would be to date Midoryia in the future. This may be true for some people, in which case, that’s their own preference, but based on my experience and what I’ve witnessed, that’s not the case for most.

The difference being is that as these are characters, we as readers or viewers are meant to analyze them. Not to justify them, or to excuse their actions, but we are given the advantage of the outsider perspective to piece their characters together in context, understand why they are how they are, and witness them change; maybe I just haven’t been exposed to enough of the fandom, but no one (I’ve witnessed) treats the idea that “maybe Bakugou has feelings he can’t process or understand and so they manifest in aggressive and unchecked ways'' as a solution to his inability to communicate or process in a healthy way, rather it is just part of the explanation of his character, something is needs to — and is — working through. The solution to his middle school self is not the revelation of a “teehee, secret crush”, but self-reflection, remorse, and actively working to better oneself, which I do believe is canonically reflected, especially as of recently.

In canon, they are written to be partners, better together than apart, and I genuinely believe that one can like the Bakudeku dynamic not by route of romanticization but by observation.

I do think we are meant to see parallels between him and Endeavor; Endeavor is a high profile abuser who embodies the flaws and hypocrisy of the hero system. Bakugou is a schoolyard bully who emulates and internalizes the flaws of this system as a child, likely due to the structure of the society and the way that children will absorb the propaganda they are exposed to; the idea that Quirks, or power, define the inherent value of the individual, their ability to contribute to society, and subsequently their fundamental human worth. The difference between them is the fact that Endeavor is the literal adult who is fully and knowingly active within a toxic, corrupt system who forces his family to undergo a terrifying amount of trauma and abuse while facing little to no consequences because he knows that his status and the values of their society will protect him from those consequences. In other words, Endeavor is the threat of what Bakugou could have, and would have, become without intervention or genuine change.

Comparisons between characters, as parallels or foils, are tricky in that they imply but cannot confirm sameness. Having parallels with someone does not make them the same, by the way, but can serve to illustrate contrasts, or warnings. Harry Potter, for example, is meant to have obvious parallels with Tom Riddle, with similar abilities, and tragic upbringings. That doesn’t mean Harry grows up to become Lord Voldemort, but rather he helps lead a cross-generational movement to overthrow the facist regime. Harry is offered love, compassion, and friends, and does not embrace the darkness within or around him. As far as moldy old snake men are concerned, they do not deserve a redemption arc because they do not wish for one, and the truest of change only occurs when you actively try to change.

To be frank, either way, Bakugou was probably going to become a good Hero, in the sense that Endeavor is a ‘good’ Hero. Hero capitalized, as in a pro Hero, in the sense that it is a career, an occupation, and a status. Because of his strong Quirk, determination, skill, and work ethic, Bakugou would have made a good Hero. Due to his lack of character, however, he was not on the path to become a hero; defender of the weak, someone who saves people to save people, who is willing to make sacrifices detrimental to themselves, who saves people out of love.

It is necessary for him to undergo both a redemption arc and a symbolic death and rebirth in order for him to follow the path of a hero, having been inspired and prompted by Deku.

I personally don’t really like Endeavor’s little redemption arc, not because I don’t believe that people can change or that they shouldn't at least try to atone for the atrocities they have committed, but because within any narrative, a good redemption arc is important if it matters; what also matters is the context of that arc, and whether or not it was needed. For example, in ATLA, Zuko’s redemption arc is widely regarded as one of the best arcs in television history, something incredible. And it is. That shit fucks. In a good way.

It was confirmed that Azula was also going to get a redemption arc, had Volume 4 gone on as planned, and it was tentatively approached in the comics, which are considered canon. She is an undeniably bad person (who is willing to kill, threaten, exploit, and colonize), but she is also a child, and as viewers, we witness and recognize the factors that contributed to her (debatable) sociopathy, and the way that the system she was raised in failed her. Her family failed her; even Uncle Iroh, the wise mentor who helps guide Zuko to see the light, is willing to give up on her immediately, saying that she’s “crazy” and needs to be “put down”. Yes, it’s comedic, and yes, it’s pragmatic, but Azula is fourteen years old. Her mother is banished, her father is a psychopath, and her older brother, from her perspective, betrayed and abandoned her. She doesn’t have the emotional support that Zuko does; she exploits and controls her friends because it’s all she’s been taught to do; she says herself, her “own mother thought [she] was a monster; she was right, of course, but it still [hurts]”. A parent who does not believe in you, or a parent that uses you and will hurt you, is a genuine indicator of trauma.

The writers understood that both Zuko and Azula deserved redemption arcs. One was arguably further gone than the other, but that doesn’t change the fact that they are both children, products of their environment, who have the time, motive, and reason to change.

In contrast, you know who wouldn’t have deserved a redemption arc? Ozai. That simply would not have been interesting, wouldn’t have served the narrative well, and honestly, is not needed, thematically or otherwise. Am I comparing Ozai to Endeavor? Basically, yes. Fuck those guys. I don’t see a point in Endeavor’s little “I want to be a good dad now” arc, and I think that we don’t need to sympathize with characters in order to understand them or be interested in them. I want Touya/Dabi to expose his abuse, for his career to crumble, and then for him to die.

If they are not challenging the system that we the viewer are meant to question, and there is no thematic relevance to their redemption, is it even needed?

On that note, am I saying that Bakugou is the equivalent to Zuko? No, lmao. Definitely not. They are different characters with different progressions and different pressures. What I am saying is that good redemption arcs shouldn’t be handed out like candy to babies; it is the quality, rather than the quantity, that makes a redemption arc good. In terms of the commentary of the narrative, who needs a redemption arc, who is deserving, and who does it make sense to give one to?

In this case, Bakugou checks those boxes. It was always in the cards for him to change, and he has. In fact, he’s still changing.

Give it to Me Straight. It’s Homophobic.

There does seem to be an urge to obsessively gender either Bakugou or Deku, in making Deku the ultra-feminine, stereotypically hyper-sexualized “woman” of the relationship, with Bakugou becoming similarly sexualized but depicted as the hyper-masculine bodice ripper. On some level, that feels vaguely homophobic if not straight up misogynistic, in that in a gay relationship there’s an urge to compel them to conform under heteronormative stereotypes in order to be interpreted as real or functional. On one hand, I will say that in a lot of cases it feels like more of an expression of a kink, or fetishization and subsequent expression of internalized misogyny, at least, rather than a genuine exploration of the complexity and power imbalances of gender dynamics, expression, and boundaries.

That being said, I don’t think that that problematic aspect of shipping is unique to Bakudeku, or even to the fandom in general. We’ve all read fan work or see fanart of most gay ships in a similiar manner, and I think it’s a broader issue to be addressed than blaming it on a singular ship and calling it a day.

One interpretation of Bakugou’s character is his repression and the way his character functions under toxic masculinity, in a society’s egregious disregard for mental and emotional health (much like in the real world), the horrifying ways in which rage is rationalized or excused due to the concept of masculinity, and the way that characteristics that are associated with femininity — intellect, empathy, anxiety, kindness, hesitation, softness — are seen as stereotypically “weak”, and in men, traditionally emasculating. In terms of the way that the fictional universe is largely about societal priority and power dynamics between individuals and the way that extends to institutions, it’s not a total stretch to guess that gender as a construct is a relevant topic to expand on or at least keep in mind for comparison.

I think that the way in which characters are gendered and the extent to which that is a result of invasive heteronormativity and fetishization is a really important conversation to have, but using it as a case-by-case evolution of a ship used to condemn people isn’t conductive, and at that point, it’s treated as less of a real concern but an issue narrowly weaponised.

Love in Perspective, from the East v. West

Another thing I think could be elaborated on and written about in great detail is the way that the Eastern part of the fandom and the Western part of the fandom have such different perspectives on Bakudeku in particular. I am not going to go in depth with this, and there are many other people who could go into specifics, but just as an overview:

The manga and the anime are created for and targeted at a certain audience; our take on it will differ based on cultural norms, decisions in translation, understanding of the genre, and our own region-specific socialization. This includes the way in which we interpret certain relationships, the way they resonate with us, and what we do and do not find to be acceptable. Of course, this is not a case-by-case basis, and I’m sure there are plenty of people who hold differing beliefs within one area, but speaking generally, there is a reason that Bakudeku is not regarded as nearly as problematic in the East.

Had this been written by a Western creator, marketed primarily to and within the West (for reference, while I am Chinese, but I have lived in the USA for most of my life, so my own perspective is undoubtedly westernized), I would’ve immediately jumped to make comparisons between the Hero System and the American police system, in that a corrupt, or bastardized system is made no less corrupt for the people who do legitimately want to do good and help people, when that system disproportionately values and targets others while relying on propaganda that society must be reliant on that system in order to create safe communities when in reality it perpetuates just as many issues as it appears to solve, not to mention the way it attracts and rewards violent and power-hungry people who are enabled to abuse their power. I think comparisons can still be made, but in terms of analysis, it should be kept in mind that the police system in other parts of the world do not have the same history, place, and context as it does in America, and the police system in Japan, for example, probably wasn’t the basis for the Hero System.

As much as I do believe in the Death of the Author in most cases, the intent of the author does matter when it comes to content like this, if merely on the basis that it provides context that we may be missing as foreign viewers.

As far as the intent of the author goes, Bakugou is on a route of redemption.

He deserves it. It is unavoidable. That, of course, may depend on where you’re reading this.

Stuck in the Sludge, the Past, and Season One

If there’s one thing, to me, that epitomizes middle school Bakugou, it’s him being trapped in a sludge monster, rescued by his Quirkless childhood friend, and unable to believe his eyes. He clings to the ideology he always has, that Quirkless means weak, that there’s no way that Deku could have grown to be strong, or had the capacity to be strong all along. Bakugou is wrong about this, and continuously proven wrong. It is only when he accepts that he is wrong, and that Deku is someone to follow, that he starts his real path to heroics.

If Bakudeku’s relationship does not appeal to someone for whatever reason, there’s nothing wrong with that. They can write all they want about why they don’t ship it, or why it bothers them, or why they think it’s problematic. If it is legitimately triggering to you, then by all means, avoid it, point it out, etc. but do not undermine the reality of abuse simply to point fingers, just because you don’t like a ship. People who intentionally use the anti tag knowing it’ll show up in the main tag, go after people who are literally minding their own business, and accuse people of supporting abuse are the ones looking for a fight, and they’re annoying as hell because they don’t bring anything to the table. No evidence, no analysis, just repeated projection.

To clarify, I’m referring to a specific kind of shipper, not someone who just doesn’t like a ship, but who is so aggressive about it for absolutely no reason. There are plenty of very lovely people in this fandom, who mind their own business, multipship, or just don’t care.

Calling shippers dumb or braindead or toxic (to clarify, this isn’t targeting any one person I’ve seen, but a collective) based on projections and generalizations that come entirely from your own impression of the ship rather than observation is...really biased to me, and comes across as uneducated and trigger happy, rather than constructive or helpful in any way.

I’m not saying someone has to ship anything, or like it, in order to be a ‘good’ participant. But inserting derogatory material into a main tag, and dropping buzzwords with the same tired backing behind it without seeming to understand the implications of those words or acknowledging the development, pacing, and intentional change to the characters within the plot is just...I don’t know, it comes across as redundant, to me at least, and very childish. Aggressive. Toxic. Problematic. Maybe the real toxic shippers were the ones who bitched and moaned along the way. They’re like little kids, stuck in the past, unable to visualize or recognize change, and I think that’s a real shame because it’s preventing them from appreciating the story or its characters as it is, in canon.

But that’s okay, really. To each their own. Interpretations will vary, preferences differ, perspectives are not uniform. There is no one truth. There are five seasons of the show, a feature film, and like, thirty volumes as of this year.

All I’m saying is that if you want to stay stuck in the first season of each character, then that’s what you’re going to get. That’s up to you.

This may be edited or revised.

[katblu42]

Passing the Big Brother Baton pt 3

Part 3 is here! It's a little longer than the other parts, so I've put in a cut for length. It turns out John has a lot to say about being a big brother!

You can read the whole thing on AO3.

Gordon had just turned four, and with a new baby on the way the family had inevitably been throwing around the “big boy now” comments. Lucy had been careful to involve Gordon in the necessary process of setting up the nursery furniture in the room he would soon be sharing, worried that he might resent the impending invasion. Unlike any of the other boys, Gordon seemed reluctant to step into big brotherhood. For over a week now he’d been very clingy, wanting cuddles with Mom on the flimsiest of pretexts, and needing Mommy’s (or, to a lesser extent Daddy’s) help with tasks that he had more than mastered.

Lucy was wondering what challenges today would bring when there was a commotion in the kitchen – a clattering of kid-safe plates, cups and bowls as though someone was rummaging through cupboards and spilling items out onto countertop and floor tiles. Gordon had just gone in there. With a sigh, Lucy heaved herself to her feet to see what was happening. Before she reached the kitchen door the sound of John’s voice prompted her to stop and listen.

“What are you looking for?” the eight-and-a-half year-old enquired with a patience Lucy was sure she could not have mustered.

“My sippy cup,” came the simple reply, accompanied by more rummaging and clattering.

“Why?”

“For my juice.” Lucy could hear the exasperated sigh in Gordon’s voice suggesting this was the most obvious thing in the world, despite him not needing his sippy cup in well over a year.

“I was going to pour yours into a cup just like mine.”

Lucy was relieved her perceptive third child had been smart enough to avoid the term “big-boy cup.” The use of similar terms had been enough to induce tantrums over the last few days.

There were footsteps and a cupboard door squeaked open as John apparently went and retrieved Gordon’s sippy cup from the corner cupboard used to store all the retired-until-further-notice toddler items. Juice was poured, the lid popped on and the cup was slid across the countertop, presumably towards Gordon who had more than likely climbed up to sit on a stool opposite his big brother.

“You know, just because you won’t be the littlest anymore doesn’t mean Mom and Dad don’t love you just as much as they always did.”

Lucy was not surprised John was able to pinpoint the problem behind Gordon’s regressive behaviour, but she was impressed that he was able to articulate it so well, and that he was willing to address the issue head on. There was no answer from Gordon, and she found herself imagining him trying to process what John had said, probably with head slightly tilted to one side and a squinty frown.

“I was the littlest before you were born,” John said solemnly, and perhaps with a hint of nostalgia.

“Really?” The shock in Gordon’s voice had Lucy visualising his russet eyes widening. “But you’ve always been big!”

John laughed. A quiet, contented, closed mouth, chesty sound that Lucy always loved to hear.

“That’s because I’m older than you. And I’ll always be older than you. I’ll always be your big brother, just like Scott and Virgil will always be my big brothers, and all of us, including you, will be the baby’s big brother.”

“I don’t wanna be a big brother.” Lucy heard the pout, and the crossed arms in Gordon’s words.

“Why not?”

“Don’t wanna be sponstible. Wanna do fun stuff with Mommy, like before. Just me and Mommy. No baby.”

Lucy felt the prickle of tears in the corners of her eyes. John let out a sigh.

“Yeah, it kinda sucks that you don’t really get to choose to be a big brother. It just happens and you’re stuck with it. And it is a big responsibility. You need to look out for the little one, make sure they’re safe – like when I had to stop you from crashing the toboggan into the garage. You have to help them with things they can’t do yet – like I just helped you get a drink of juice. But being a big brother can be pretty cool. If you help mum look after the baby you’ll still get to spend time with her too. And you can play with the baby sometimes. Then when he gets bigger you get to teach him stuff.”

“Like what?”

“Well, the baby isn’t going to know anything about the world, or how things work, or being a Tracy. He’ll watch you and learn from you – even when you don’t know it. And when he’s old enough you’ll get to answer all his questions – like I answered when you asked me about how tadpoles turn into frogs. You’ll be able to teach him important things like where all the best hiding spots in the house are, and not to steal grandma’s cookies. Stuff Mom and Dad might not know, and stuff they might be too busy to help with – that’s the kind of big brother stuff you’ll need to do.”

There was a pause, and a soft shuffling and rustling of clothing. Lucy thought John might have moved around the kitchen counter so he could put an arm around his little brother, or a comforting hand on his back with a gentle rub.

“You don’t have to do it all yourself. That’s the best part about being a Tracy – we stick together, we all help each other. You have three big brothers you can come to whenever you need to.”

Lucy wished she could see her boys at that moment, barely holding herself back from entering the kitchen just to see their expressions, to see the demonstration of exactly the big brotherly love John was speaking of. She could hear the gentle scrape and clacking of cups that suggested the boys were sipping their drinks, perhaps even toasting the moment, before cups were tapped back down onto the countertop.

“I’ll tell you a secret,” she heard John quietly continue. “I wasn’t sure how I felt about being a big brother at first.” This was news to Lucy, and she wondered if she had missed something that she should have seen four years ago. “But as soon as Mom and Dad brought you home I knew I would do anything to make you happy and keep you safe.”

“You didn’t want to be my big brother?” The teariness in Gordon’s voice was heart-wrenching.

“I changed my mind really quick. I found out having a little brother is the best feeling in the world. There’s nothing like the way you looked up at me when I held you in my arms, or the feel of your tiny hand wrapped around my finger. And you were fun to play with, especially when you were big enough to laugh.”

“I’m still fun to play with!” Gordon insisted, then doubt crept into his voice. “Will you still play with me after the baby’s born?”

“Of course.” John laughed again, this time a bright chuckle.

It seemed the serious conversation was over and the long silence prompted Lucy to begin to withdraw. As she walked away she heard the beginnings of a whole new discussion.

“Are we sure the baby’s gonna be a boy?” Gordon asked

“Yeah, Mom and Dad and the doctor are all pretty sure. Why?”

“Do you think I could ask if we could have a sister instead?”

As curious as Lucy was to hear how John would handle that one, she kept walking, unable to stop the broad smile spreading across her face, and the swelling of absolute love in her heart for all her boys.

[the-cookie-of-doom]

Some Thots on Black Sails Season 3 Episode 9

Here’s part of Eleanor’s speech to Vane in the fort, after he again confronts her with the truth that she refuses to hear. That her father was just as much a monster as any of them, that Vane was the one man in her life that actually did love her, and that she will betray anyone and everyone as soon as it suits her purposes. Suddenly in the wake of her father’s death, she thinks he was a good man. I think she has to believe that, because it’s the only way she can live with herself, now that she’s become worse than he ever was. She’s whitewashed her memory, and Vane is plainly stripping that away from her.

"You can't comprehend what you took from me, or what it was good, because there is no goodness in you. There is no humanity in you. No capacity for compromise, nor instinct towards repair, nor progress. Nor forgiveness. You are an animal."

I like Vane. He’s a terrible person for most of Season 1, and probably into Season 2 (Although the only thing I take issue with is what he did to Max, honestly.), and he’s selfish and self-serving through everything up to this point. everyone in this show is. Everyone is serving their own ends. But the difference? Eleanor is the only one that lies about it.

So, lets dissect this speech of hers, with the last scene that we saw with Vane, when he was captured. Cut because this will likely get long.

1. No goodness in him.

The most complicated argument, for sure. But I would say through season 2 and 3, he’s starting to show quite a bit of goodness. As demonstrated by the next points.

2. No humanity

Vane is brimming with humanity, and I think he hates it, because in the beginning it was a hinderance to him. Now he’s leaning into it. The first example that comes to mind is with the slaves put to work at the fort. He can’t stand it. You can see it tearing him apart, Jack even tells him he didn’t give Vane the truth of the hunt because he was trying to protect him, knowing how much it would kill him. Vane tries to work alongside them, maybe as some kind of penance, punishing himself for his part in this and, perhaps, to show they aren’t alone.

Another good example is the first prize he takes with Blackbeard, and the dying Spaniard. Vane allows him the dignity of least dying upright, fetches him some rum, and listens to his story, and is very clearly touched by it.

3. No capacity for compromise or repair

From the very beginning, Vane has been forced into quite a few compromises, actually. In the beginning he resisted. But as the show progresses, so does Vane, and he learns to accept compromise. Hell, season 3 starts with the biggest compromise he’s ever made, becoming partners with Jack and Flint for the better of Nassau. ( Which is a great lead in to the next point...)

Vane burned his bridge with Jack. Max bribed him into fixing it, but he clearly has put in work to repair things further, rather than leaving it with their awkward “reconciliation”. At first, it was an act. Now? It’s genuine. Vane cares for Jack, defended him to Blackbeard as the only one that would stand up and defend him.

4. No capacity towards progress or forgiveness.

Let’s talk about forgiveness first. Once again, Vane forgave Jack and Anne. He even forgave Max, to enough of an extent to continue working with her. He put his past with Flint behind him. I think he would even be willing to forgive Eleanor if she could just swallow her pride and apologize to him, because for some god-forsaken reason, he still loves her.

But progress. Vane’s entire character arc has been about making progress. And the biggest mark in that progress is standing with Flint to defend Nassau. The place that he’d previously been perfectly content to let burn, because he couldn’t give less of a fuck about it. In the beginning, Vane was willing to defend Nassau because it’s what Eleanor wanted. Now? He defends Nassau for the sake of what it is.

Now, let’s look at this as a case of projection.

Since the very beginning, Eleanor has served her own interests, against the guidance of others. She ignored key advice to do what she wanted. In the beginning, we were rooting for her. She was supporting Flint, because their interests were aligned, so of course we want her to buck the apparent system.

But then we begin to see that her ideals and Flint’s diverge. She wants to civilize Nassau; Flint wants the same, but he doesn’t want the crown to do it. He wants to establish his own colony free from colonial rule.

Eleanor doesn’t compromise. She either gets her way, or she makes everyone regret refusing to give it to her. The only time she “compromises”, is when it still works in her favor. Such as when she deposed Vane because of what he and his crew did to Max, and then lifted her ban as soon as it became clear she couldn’t maintain her power otherwise. Sure, she looked so sad and hurt about it, because what about Max, what will this mean to her if she reinstates Vane. Fucking nothing. It means nothing, because Eleanor is the one that tipped over that first domino. So what does it matter if this is just another one that falls in line?

Eleanor has no humanity. We are shown again and again that she will align herself with people, use them to meet her ends, and throw them away as soon as it’s convenient. She didn’t even try to ask Vane to come with her, rather than stay and face certain death with his crew. She didn’t try to compromise with him when he promised he would make things right with them, without her needing to leave him for dead.

Eleanor has the chance to repair her relationship with Max countless times. Every time, she finds away to vindictively attack her, and claim it’s for Max’s benefit. Just giving her helpful advice, of course. Not trying to cut in all the ways she knows will hurt.

Eleanor has no intentions for progress. What she’s advocating for in Nassau is a regression. A return back to colonial rule. True progress would be leaving Nassau to self-govern, establishing it as a self-sustaining state outside the rule of the crown. Exactly what Flint has been trying to do from the beginning. Eleanor doesn’t want that because a self-sustaining Nassau doesn’t answer to her. And above all else, all she cares about is maintaining her power. Nassau can burn so long as she gets to reign as queen over the ashes.

[cruelfeline]

All right. So, this corner of the fandom has been in a bit of an uproar after Stevenson had her stream; and while I’m of the mind that anything said outside of the actual show, without any real canon backing, can be safely ignored, I do want to address one odd statement I’ve heard talked about.

Essentially: the idea that Hordak would have pulled the portal lever at the end of season three.

Now, I will confess that I haven’t actually watched the stream itself; I’m getting this from the ripples of discontent in the Entrapdak and Hordak tags. I also don’t really plan on viewing the stream... it’s like, what, four hours long? Mm. No, thank you.

But! My goal here isn’t to address or debunk or pick apart Stevenson’s words, specifically; my goal is to simply address the question: would Hordak have activated the portal? Because it’s an interesting question, no matter what was said on-stream! And because I’ve had a few people express interest in hearing a take. So: ask, and ye shall receive!

Now, we’re going to look at this in two different circumstances: Hordak pulling the lever while still believing Entrapta to have betrayed him, and him pulling the lever in an AU situation, where Entrapta returned to him and warned him of the danger. Ready? Onward!

We’ll tackle the “betrayal” scenario first. Would Hordak have pulled the lever in the situation as portrayed in canon, believing that Entrapta had betrayed and abandoned him? Assuming, of course, that Catra hadn’t pulled it first.

Mm... I think he probably would. But, in my opinion, not necessarily in that moment.

In this scenario, Hordak doesn’t have any reason not to pull the lever: no one has told him that it is dangerous. No one has warned him that it is going to unravel reality and kill them all unless a very specific sort of heroic sacrifice is made. He has no idea that disaster awaits, and furthermore, with Entrapta a “traitor,” he has no reason to doubt returning to Prime. He has every reason to pull the lever, but as we watch the scene play out, it is clear that he isn’t particularly keen to do so right that second.

Catra tries to push him to do it, then and there. He reaches for the lever, but as the princesses rush in, he hesitates, retreats a bit, tries to fight. He’s not nearly as focused on the lever as Catra is.

I think that the reason for this is twofold. First, Hordak is not spite-fueled enough to pull the lever right that second the way Catra is. He wants to open the portal, of course, but it doesn’t have to be right then and there so that Adora can bear witness and be emotionally defeated. He wants to open it, but he also recognizes that his sanctum is under attack. I have the sense that he perhaps thinks it best to take care of the intruders and let everything settle back down before doing something as monumental as opening a portal and potentially entering into communications with Horde Prime. To put it simply: I think he would rather open the portal during more controlled circumstances.

Second, princess attack aside: I just don’t think that Hordak is in the best mindset to open the portal in this moment. He’s... he’s in actual emotional shock, I think. Oh, he puts on an angry front, of course, as he always does when he is distressed or upset in some way, but there’s no missing his look of dejection when Catra informs him of Entrapta’s apparent betrayal. 

This is the woman he has worked with for the better part of a year. The woman he grew close to and fond of and trusted with not only scientific work, but with himself. And now he’s being told that she has essentially been using him this whole time, that she’s lied to and deceived him, and that she is responsible for this terrible attack in the place he’d always assumed was safest.

He’s hurt and stunned to the point of Catra having to pull him away from an imminent explosion. I doubt that this is the emotional state he wishes to have when opening a portal and potentially speaking with his Brother.

So, while I think that, in this scenario, Hordak would choose to open the portal, I don’t think he’d want to do it at this point in time. Contacting Prime just isn’t his main focus in this scene. His main focus is defending himself against the princesses and dealing with this devastating emotional blow. 

Now, might he possibly open the portal during the battle, under duress, perhaps feeling it is a now-or-never moment? Yes, potentially. But I don’t think he’d be too happy about it. I think it would be a sort of last resort, if he really felt he had no other choice. Again, while I think that he’d ultimately open the portal in an “Entrapta betrayal” scenario, he would much prefer to do it in a calm, controlled setting with his enemies neutralized and his emotional wounds soothed. 

So. With that scenario out of the way, let’s move on to the arguably more interesting one: would Hordak have opened the portal had Entrapta returned and informed him of the danger?

Well, friends and neighbors, I am not an authority on this character. I am not a writer. I have no special knowledge or insight. I only have my feelings and my opinion.

That opinion, however? That opinion is: no. Absolutely not. 

The reasons for this are both emotional and logical.

Emotionally speaking, at this point in the story, Hordak already loves Entrapta. He allows her into his sanctum, allows her to come and go as she pleases, to work closely with him, to work on him. He risks his own life to save her from a failed portal test. He opens up to her about fears and vulnerabilities that are clearly difficult for him to talk about. He trusts her to the point that he allows her to make new armor for him, an action that, should this trust be misplaced, could lead to severe injury and death. He hears her “imperfection is beautiful” speech and is moved by it.

Furthermore, he clearly exhibits doubt regarding going through with the portal solely because it would mean leaving her. This is strongly suggested in season three, when Entrapta and Hordak both grow visibly uncomfortable at the thought of Hordak leaving to rejoin the galactic Horde. It is essentially confirmed in season four, when Prime’s hand hovers over the LUVD crystal’s empty socket while he observes that there had been a time when Hordak wished he would not come for him. 

Hordak has deep emotional attachments to Entrapta by the end of season three. He is at the same level of attachment at this point as he is at the end of season five, when his love for her helps him break free of and kill Prime. Remember: after Entrapta is sent to Beast Island, they do not see one another again until season five. Their relationship development essentially stalls... but it stalls at a high point because they are already a bonded pair, a couple, at season three’s end. With this level of attachment and affection, it is hard to rationalize Hordak disregarding Entrapta’s sincere advice, let alone pulling a portal lever that could result in both her death and his. It just doesn’t quite follow, does it? 

Even if he has some sort of doubt about the danger... why risk it? Why risk the life of the person he loves? He doesn’t do so when facing Prime in season five, when the stakes are so much higher, the need to obey so much greater... but he’d do it over the portal? Rather than just postponing the project (as both he and Entrapta appeared to be considering anyway)? 

Hm. 

To this emotional reasoning, one can add plain logic: Hordak respects Entrapta’s intelligence. He takes her advice regarding sparing Catra. He accepts her help while working on his portal device. He values her opinion and her skills. Before learning of her “betrayal,” he clearly revels in the fact that her hard work has brought their plans to fruition. He consistently acknowledges her abilities and her worth, emotional attachment or not. Even when he barely knows her, he notes that her “tinkering” increases the power of everything she touches. He never expresses any doubt in her talents.

To this sense of respect, one can add Hordak’s willingness to listen to others, even his subordinates. Hordak is shown, time and again, to be very open to accepting counsel: from Shadow Weaver, from Catra, and certainly from Entrapta. Even early on, in season one, when Entrapta is simply an acquaintance, he accepts her claim that the defeat at Bright Moon isn’t a failure, that her experiment was successful. Even then, he is willing to listen to her, to give her leeway in her work. Now, knowing the extent of her brilliance, he would ignore her, reject her? Why?

Why would he? What reason could he have to doubt her, when she is nearly always right and has demonstrated no ulterior motives? He, on his end, has never been bull-headed or reckless about things, never been one to ignore reasonable advice... so why start now? Especially since it is doubtful that Entrapta would ever recommend abandoning portal technology altogether; I would expect that her advice would be to simply postpone and reassess, to “keep working on it until it’s perfect.” Which... well, that seemed an amenable enough option for the both of them, before Catra’s interruption.

So.

I have to admit that I just don’t see it. I don’t see how, between his demonstrable love for her and his valuing and respecting her ability, Hordak would have disregarded Entrapta should she have managed to make it back to him to warn him of the portal’s dangers. Especially when listening to her wouldn’t necessarily mean abandoning the portal project; simply postponing it doesn’t seem like an unreasonable decision in the face of such severe risk.

I mean, I suppose one could argue that he just wouldn’t believe her, that Catra would somehow lie and make him doubt her... but I don’t see how he would believe Catra (a known liar) over Entrapta (honest to a fault, also his wife) if the two were side by side. Hordak is insecure. He is not stupid.

And after all, isn’t that the whole reason that Catra shocked Entrapta? Because she knew that Hordak would believe her and stop the portal? If that wasn’t the case, if Hordak would have gone ahead with it anyway... well, then that makes Catra’s actions even worse, doesn’t it? Takes all the logic out of them. Makes her subduing Entrapta and threatening Scorpia all the more senseless and cruel, if Hordak wouldn’t have believed Entrapta anyway. Kind of messes with her whole arc, doesn’t it? Makes her even more morally bankrupt. Hm.

So while I do think that Hordak would have eventually pulled the portal lever in Entrapta’s absence (though he’d prefer to do it in a more controlled setting), I just can’t see how or why he would have pulled it if Entrapta had actually reached him with her warning. I mean, I’m not one of the writers, obviously; I have no unique knowledge or insight into these characters, but from what I’ve seen in terms of canonical behavior and relationships? It just makes it hard for me to rationalize and believe that Hordak would disregard Entrapta in favor of such a reckless act.

It just doesn’t seem like him. 

And again: I could be misinterpreting his character. That’s always possible. But if that’s the case, then I would need a significant explanation to make such an act make sense to me, rather than seeming like a bit of nonsensical character derailment. Because as things are right now, I just don’t see him doing it. For all of the reasons listed above. 

And that, friends and neighbors, is the "would Hordak have pulled the lever" take. Hopefully some of y'all find it amusing!

[braveskyered]

Knights (Part 19)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18

(Special Thanks once again to @nebulous-rain​ for providing one of the illustrations. Please check her out if you have the time!)

-

Do you understand the severity of these terms?

…

…You know what? I don’t think I should repeat myself if you’re just going to ignore me.

Just like in reality, in fiction, anything goes.

Not everything is all lovely sunshine and daisies.

Life is never fair.

Not to you.

Not to me.

And especially not to them.

I wonder how much you’re willing to believe, or even believe in them at all.

After all…

We all make mistakes, don’t we?

And yet one will always never forgive them, no matter the apologies they genuinely give.

Aren’t you the same way?

I look forward to seeing where your journey takes you.

-

Part 19: Thought I Told Ya Stop Fuckin’ With Me!

- - - - - - -

April XX, 20XX

I don't even know what I'm doing. I'm so scared of what will happen to me, but I couldn't let myself go through this. I don't even know what Vivi was thinking. I can't do it. Not even for her.

I can't stay. I have to get out of here. Get away from the monsters that hurt me. It's nothing more than a prison at this rate.

…

I guess I'm a coward to the very end.

I'm sorry ■■■■■ ■■■■ everyone.

-

May XX, 20XX

It's been two weeks since I escaped that hell.

Somehow, things are getting better for me. I don't know why, but I managed to find a job at an auto repair shop and even a place for me to stay at the same time in Cantabile, Tennessee. The shop, Four of a Kind Queens, is a family owned business that's run by the grandmother of the Knights family, Vivienne. She's the one that provided me a job and a home. I don't know how to thank her other than to do whatever I can.

The Knights family is interesting in that they're almost all women (other than those that are married with a husband). Almost all of the employees at the shop are women, too. I actually felt a bit out of place as one of the few male employees there. You'd think it'd be the other way around. Thankfully, none of them seemed interested in me so far.

I can only hope that I'll be able to move on from the past without them finding me. I don't want the Knights family to get dragged into my problems any more than they have to.

I'm just happy to have Galaham with me. I don't know what I would've done, or where I would be, without him.

-

June XX, 20XX

It's been a month since I arrived in Cantabile. It's surprising that I'm still here.

I got a new phone for myself. It's the kind that didn't require me to get a contract since I bought it from an electronics store. I had already disposed of my old smartphone and the SIM on it after I came here. It was rough to let go of it, but at least my photos and other files for my projects are safe.

I just hope that I didn't compromise my safety when I did the switch.

-

July XX, 20XX

Vivienne told me to stay home for the next few days. All I learned was that something had happened in the city that had police going around crazy. Also, someone's family member had gone missing and was reportedly said to be seen in Cantabile. I didn't dare search my name online. Instead I opted to look up missing persons by state.

...I shouldn't be surprised that I found my name and face as one of those missing in Texas. It said that I had left for a solo vacation and never returned, and that my last known location was somewhere in the mountains of Tennessee. It didn't say anything about which town or city I was last seen in or me being hurt, but I didn't want to take any chances.

I want to let my uncle know I'm okay, but I can't. I'm sorry.

-

July XX, 20XX

Vivienne called me back into work today. The police had found the person that was reported missing, and there hadn't been any more unusual activity, so it was safe for me to come back.

She told me that it's not unheard of for abusers to report their victims that have escaped from their grasp as missing individuals, pretending to care about their missing "loved ones." Those blind to the truth would fall for the sob stories and find the victims that have truly escaped, and then drag them back to their tormentors and not know the difference.

I was worried that I wouldn't be able to make rent since I couldn't work for the past four days, but Vivienne still paid me as if I did. I’ll find a way to make it up to her someday.

I'm worried about my uncle, but I don't want to get dragged back there. I'm sorry, Uncle.

-

August XX, 20XX

The Knights, mainly Elaine (who is Vivienne's youngest granddaughter), have been inviting me to various events lately.

Sure, being invited to the little parties and lunch gatherings meant to keep up employee morale is pretty fun, but now the occasion is attending a Robotics convention. From what Elaine had told me, it was just only her and her family going, but for some reason, I was the only employee invited to come along. Maybe the others didn't have any interest?

Elaine said that it was to get me out of the apartment and the shop. It's true that I don't go out much other than to get the essentials, and even then, most of them were brought to me by delivery, but it's mostly because I don't want to expose myself.

I can't let them find me. I don't want to go back.

-

August XX, 20XX

Elaine and I are dating now, I guess.

I had a good time at the Robotics convention. There were a few moments where I thought I saw someone that would recognize me even though I wore a hat and a different style in clothing and gloves to hide my arm, but thankfully, I was only seeing things. I think as long as I'm with someone I know, I'll be okay.

I say we're dating, but I highly doubt it'll work out between us. I mean, who would want to remain beside someone who has more problems than I care to count? No one in the shop even knows about my arm yet, because I didn't want to get any special/excess attention because of it.

Still, I'm well aware that Elaine has a crush on me (she's not exactly the most subtle about it). I'm not sure what will happen once she loses interest, but I hope we can still be friends at least. Other than Elaine and her family, Galaham is my only real companion right now.

I don't really have much of a choice to stay isolated like I had been, but at least I'm not getting beaten or burned on a near daily basis.

...I wonder if this relationship with Elaine will work out.

-

August XX, 20XX

Surprisingly, Elaine hasn't broken up with me. I just don't understand. What does she see in me? I'm a disgrace to the people I once knew. I feel like a discarded piece of trash that's left out on the curb, and I know I'm still an absolute wreck from all the nightmares of the night that's forever etched into my subconscious.

I accidentally cut my right arm on a rusty pipe at work. Because I didn't have a medical record to provide, Vivienne had me taken to a hospital to get a tetanus shot as a precaution. Although I never wanted them to know, they learned about my left arm and the rest of my injuries. I never saw someone look so horrified. Not at me, but the fact that I had so many wounds still healing and one that never will. To be on the safe side, Vivienne had me go through a complete physical. Examinations, x-rays, even an MRI had been added into the mix.

Even though we reached a compromise in that no one is to ask how I got these injuries back in Texas, I told Vivienne that I wouldn't be able to pay for all of it. She simply said that the director owed her family a handful of favors. Just how much influence does she and her family have? I don't think she would've helped to this extent if I hadn't been Elaine's boyfriend.

...It still feels weird to say that.

-

September XX, 20XX

My wounds from the hell I escaped from are slowly healing. I don't think they'll ever truly fade, but at least they're no longer hurting. I still have to cover my neck with scarves or turtlenecks to hide the very last wound I received, but hopefully that will fade over time, too.

The medication that was prescribed to me last month had worked wonders for me. I no longer have to bear with such crippling phantom pain, and the Knights family, including Elaine, have been helping me move on.

Maybe I can truly start over? Maybe I can truly find a place for myself here? I don't know how I'll ever be able to return the favor for the Knights family.

I think I'll invite Elaine to try out that new sandwich shop that recently opened up with me.

-

October XX, 20XX

Over time, I learned that the Knights family have a side business of sorts. They handle paranormal investigations and even do monster hunting for certain clients. Oddly, only the women of the Knights family do this.

Vivienne had retired from the side business a few years back and runs Four of a Kind Queens after inheriting it from her mother. Her two daughters, Morgan and Caelia, still do the side business occasionally, along with her two granddaughters Elaine and Eleanor. I almost never see Eleanor, since according to Morgan (her mother), she travels with her husband for his job as a contractor of sorts.

Elaine is leaving for one such occasion. She's been hired to investigate an abandoned house since there have been some crazy occurrences here and there. I don't know why, but I couldn't bring myself to stay, so I quickly volunteered to join her. I told her of my past experience as a paranormal investigator and demonstrated my knowledge of it. It was enough to convince her.

I never told the Knights family about the group I used to be a part of. I don't even want to think of the names of who and what I used to know. I was thrown away and cast aside, and I was constantly punished for the things I never wanted to happen.

...I just hope I don't bring Elaine to her death. At the very least, I'll help maintain her equipment and remain in her van. That way if anything went wrong, at least it won't be her getting pushed off. I should probably check ahead of time and make sure there isn't anything that could be used as a weapon to hurt her.

-

November XX, 20XX

I keep telling myself that I need to stop involving myself with the paranormal. That way I won't get hurt anymore, that way I can't be used to hurt anyone. But I couldn't. I can't.

Elaine made the investigations safe. I actually enjoy going on these trips with her.

She listened to all of my concerns, answered my questions, and even took the time to plan ahead with me on what needs to be done. I would help with the preliminary investigation and preparation, and if it became too dangerous for me, I would stay in the van with the protection wards while she went on ahead. In the rare occasions where it was too much even for her, she would back out and call her family for backup.

I love it when one knows when to fold.

-

December XX, 20XX

Elaine and I are still dating here and there.

I still don't know what a date really is, but if the occasional walk around the mountain trails or just having a meal together counts as such, then I guess that counts? (Huh. Redundancy.)

The things I learned about Elaine so far is: She's good at cooking, knows how to work with cars, likes reading science fiction and the occasional romance and horror novels. She doesn't care much for movies unless it really interests her, and even then, that's rare. She loves the family cream stew recipe her grandmother makes.

Elaine started to play some video games with me once I saved up enough money to buy a secondhand console during a sale. I often like to do little commentaries whenever I play, and she started to join in as well.

I'm so thankful to have her as a friend.

-

December 25th, 20XX

Even though I was all but exiled from where I used to live, I still wanted to let my uncle know what I'm fine without anything being traced back to me. Eventually, I came up with a technique that allowed me to do it.

One time I went with Elaine on her trips for the family's side business, I had asked her to buy a stack of notebook paper and some envelopes from an office store while we were out three states over. They were completely covered with wrapping, so there were no worries of her fingerprints getting on them. I made sure to only let myself touch the letters while writing and sending them, so that way there would be no danger for the Knights.

I had written my first letter to my uncle last week. I didn't include much, just that I was fine and that I'm in a much better place, and I asked him in that he doesn't try to look for me. I even went so far as to write it in a way that he would know that I'm not making it up and that I'm actually safe. I won't be able to get a reply from him, and we probably won't be able to see each other again, but hopefully this will put him at ease.

Merry Christmas, Uncle. I'm sorry.

-

January XX, 20XX

The new year. Hopefully it'll lead to a new me.

I'm gradually making a few friends outside the Knights family, but I mainly just stay home and keep to myself. They've gotten used to it; I think. We sometimes get to play some online games together, so that's cool.

-

February 14, 20XX

I got to spend some time with Elaine at a place popular for couples before a job. Granted, Elaine was asked to investigate some disappearances that occurred in that area, but I came with her last minute because I wanted to spend more time with her. It's selfish of me to do that, but I want to prove myself as a person for her. Plus, the last few cases I went with her went okay.

…

The fact that the Knights family are so effective at paranormal investigations and monster hunting, it makes sense now.

The Knights family themselves are monsters.

Elaine ■■■■■■■■ those cultists. Sure, she did it to save me, but she still ■■■■■■ ■■■■.

Dating her was a mistake. Everything has been a mistake. Everything about me has been a mistake.

I broke up with her.

-

March XX, 20XX

I don't know what I'm even doing. I still go to work, but after what happened two weeks ago, I can't look anyone in the eye. I try to avoid them. I know that they can kill me at any given moment. If that were to be the case, I hope they'll at least wait until it's Galahad's time to go, I don't want him to pass after me.

When that incident happened, Elaine begged me not to hate her while crying. After that, she never said anything to me other than when it's time to clock out or the few times her grandmother would buy lunch for the employees. No one in the family told me to leave, but they didn't ask for forgiveness, either.

I fear Elaine, but I can't hate her. What she did was unforgivable, even though she did it to save me. I know I would have died had it not been for her actions, but still. Am I truly worth saving? Enough that someone will kill to do so?

…Real monsters would never save people.

I can't let it be like this. I will talk to her the next time I go to work.

-

March XX, 20XX

I managed to have a heart-to-heart talk with Elaine. I still couldn't bring myself to forgive her for what she did, but I made sure to thank her for saving my life. There are still many things we need to work through, but at least we seem to be on the right page now.

We've decided to give this dating thing another shot. Not to start over, but to pick up where we left off.

I will accept her, monster and all.

After all, the real monster is me.

-

June XX, 20XX

I love her. I love Elaine.

I shouldn't love her. I don't have the right to love her.  I shouldn't let these feelings be a part of me. It's becoming harder and harder to deny it.

Elaine can easily toss me aside should she so choose. But she didn’t. I just can’t understand.

I still confessed to her. Because I didn’t have a ring to give her, I gave her my star spin. She gave me a pin shaped like the moon. The Knights in the night. Heh.

She returned her feelings.

-

October XX, 20XX

Elaine proposed to me.

-

November 11, 20XX

So… I tied the knot with Elaine today.

It feels so unreal. I never thought even once in my life before meeting her that I would ever find love like this. I really don't know how to describe this feeling. I have never felt anything even remotely like this in the past where all I felt was pain.

The ceremony could have been better, though. I wish I didn't have to make Elaine sad when I asked her to keep that one promise for me as one of our vows, but I know this had to be done for everyone's sake, including hers.

Elaine, if you ever read this, I want to say thank you. I love you, and I will do whatever I can to make you happy like you do for me.

...

I love you, too, my star. ☆

- - - - - - -

Red spilled.

Arthur looked down on himself, on his hands, and saw red. Why is the room covered in red? Why are Gwen and Percy covered in red and down on the floor? The clothes of Vivi's son soaked in more crimson. Whose blood is this? He coughed and looked at his hands.

Oh. It's his.

He forced himself to swallow the vomit that threatened to leave his throat. He blinked and saw that the red is now gone. Another hallucination? Definitely not a good sign, but he will have to worry about it later when he took a moment to touch the moon pin on his vest before shifting his focus on the children.

Gwen and Percy, along with Vivi's son Jason, are still standing, looking at him like they're seeing a ghost. The wraith is still floating behind the children, looking like a deer in the headlights. Arthur briefly took note that it's holding something, a blue rectangle of sorts that took one hand for the wraith to hold. A box? Not important.

Arthur knew that he would have to face the wraith again one day. It could have gone in so many ways. In all of those scenarios, it always had the wraith looking angry and vengeful like it always did when it was alone with him.

To think the wraith could hurt him like this.

"Dad…?"

The sound of Percy's voice snapped Arthur out of the fog. It's hard to bear the heat flaring up from his back and neck, difficult to keep the acid bile from bubbling up in his throat, and hard to maintain eye contact with that ghoulish face. It’s not looking angry now, but he knows it’s only a matter of time.

"Gwen, Percy,” Elaine said, “Come over here.”

The three children glanced up at the wraith before the twins subtly nodded to each other, with Gwen quietly gesturing to Jason to follow her as the three left the wraith’s side. The wraith, to its credit, didn’t do anything to follow.

“Arthur, I—"

“Elaine,” Arthur commanded with strain, his fingers barely touching the scar on his neck, “Take the kids with you… and go back to the others. Tell Vivi and Mystery to come here.”

“Are you sure?” Elaine kept her attention to him while keeping the wraith in the corner of her vision, “Isn’t that the one who—”

He nodded. He didn’t want to leave this up for debate. This isn’t her fight, but his. He’ll find a way to fend it off one way or another, and he knows it won’t lift a finger to hurt Vivi.

“Okay,” Elaine nodded back, “But if it tries anything, let me know.”

“There is no need for that.”

Everyone turned to see Niniane with Vivi and Mystery behind her. Arthur had to suppress a shudder as he saw one of Niniane’s hands emit the green-blue aura and point it at the wraith. She looks really mad…!

“No way…” Vivi could be heard whispering, “The seal’s broken?”

‘Seal’? Wait, didn’t her father mention--

“So you’re the one that abused my distant grandson-in-law,” Niniane said as she held it in place with her magic, “I almost couldn’t believe it when I found out that you were still around after nearly eighteen years since your death. Most ghosts typically disappear after a few months,” she narrowed her eyes, “But that’s assuming you had let go of your desire for his death.”

“That’s—” the wraith started before Niniane brought it closer to her face.

“But at the same time, you have been sealed for over seventeen years, so maybe you’ve had plenty of time to… reflect.”

“Niniane, enough,” Arthur said, catching her attention, “This isn’t your fight.”

“Anything that involves my family is my fight, Arthur,” Niniane said simply, “I don’t see why we should leave this one on the loose. I can just easily seal it back to where it was previously, or…”

She let out a cruel smirk just before a dull blue and heart-shaped object flew out of Percy’s grasp and into her own.b

“I can just get rid of it entirely.”

She gave the metal heart a squeeze upon speaking the last word, causing the wraith to wince upon hearing a small crack–.

Arthur managed to hide his shock by swallowing his words. Still, it’s very tempting. Niniane could just easily eliminate the wraith here and now. If she did, then there would be no more burns, no more pain, and-- He glanced in Vivi’s direction and saw how distressed she is. How she looked at wanting to speak up, but unable to defy the one suppressing her. Just like how the wraith had suppressed him in the past. Gwen and Percy look terrified, too.

…This isn’t right.

“Not yet, Niniane,” Arthur said with much effort, “We can’t do that yet.”

Niniane blinked in brief surprise before looking down at Arthur with a glare, “Oh? And why should I delay in destroying this?”

“Because I need answers,” he said, “With what my uncle, the Yukino family, and the Peppers saying that they want all this to end, and why Vivi ‘snapped’ and kept hunting monsters in my name even though she never did anything to this one, or how that ghost managed to earn the kids’ trust, I need to know why.”

Niniane pondered momentarily before shrugging, "I suppose that's an understandable reason. Very well. I will allow you to question them, but I will be watching."

"No, I'll do it," Elaine said as she stepped forward to be beside Arthur, "I need you to watch after Vivian. We can't have her make her way towards us, not to mention that I don't want her to get hurt by that 'dog' again."

Niniane glared at Vivi and Mystery's direction briefly, then nodded, "Very well, Elaine. I will leave this to you. If any of them do go out of line, do whatever you wish," she handed the heart over to her distant granddaughter, "I trust you will make a good decision. And the children?"

"We're staying," Percy said as he and Gwen stood by their father's side, “It may not look like it, but it’s pretty much my fault that we’re in this in the first place.”

Arthur was about to rebuke his son before stopping himself. Like it or not, Percy is responsible for allowing Mr. Yukino to identify him out of an online article by wearing the skull pin and his resemblance to him, and he might be at fault for getting the attention of the Mystery Skulls, too.

But in the end, it’s Arthur’s own fault to allow any of this to happen.

Forget the blame game. Just get this over with. Get the answers I need, and just let this thing die once and for all.

The lives of his three children depend on it.

“I understand. I shall do as you ask,” Niniane straightened herself and shifted her gaze to the wraith and the Mystery Skulls with a narrow glare before walking away, “But like I said earlier, if they were to step out of line, there will be no mercy.”

Arthur watched Niniane leave. A part of him didn’t want her to, but something in his mind is telling him that it was probably for the best that the old woman isn’t involved in this. On a separate note, he could only hope that Morgan is keeping Lance and the Peppers in line, for he didn’t want to get them involved in this, either.

Now, it’s just him, Elaine, the twins, Vivi, her son, Mystery, and now the wraith.

“Jason,” Vivi broke the silence as she kneeled down to her son, “Could you stay with Belle for a while? I need to have a special talk with these people.”

“Do I have to?” Jason asked meekly, “I thought I could play with Gwen and Percy? They’re better than all my classmates.”

“That right?” Vivi gave out an exasperated yet fond smile, “Tell you what, if all goes well, then you can play with them again when we’re done talking.”

Jason looked like he wanted to speak up, but he nodded before giving Gwen and Percy a shy wave. He said something about wanting to talk more about robotics with the twins nodding, then left the living room after looking back a few times.

“Sorry, I didn’t want him involved in this,” Vivi said as she stood back on her feet. She looked at both Arthur and his family, then at the wraith and Mystery before speaking to Arthur, “So… You’re married. With kids.”

Arthur took a moment to make sure that he was between the Mystery Skulls and the twins. It became a comfort when he saw Elaine follow suit and hold his hand like she always did during the nightmares to make sure the wraith wasn’t near the children either. Whatever connection he had with the Mystery Skulls has long been shattered, and he managed to make a new one with the Knights family after meeting Elaine.

“You make it sound like that’s a bad thing,” he said while seeing the wraith slowly fiddle with the blue box in its hands, “Still, my condolences for your husband’s passing. He must have been a great man since your family left a shrine for him.”

Like me, she has also moved on from the past.

“You would’ve liked Harry,” Vivi smiled sadly, “Even though the way we got together was… less than ideal, we were able to love one another regardless. He loved me, and he loved our son.”

Something tells me that I shouldn’t pry further…

“But that’s not what’s important right now,” Vivi started to make a move towards him, only to immediately back off upon seeing his glare, “You know how shortly after you left, this town became cursed? By the demon that ruined everything?”

“You need me to help you break it,” Arthur said, unconvinced with his arms crossed, “You realize that I’m not really inclined to help you after you and Mystery almost killed my children.”

“She what?!” The wraith reeled back before turning to the woman in blue, “Vivi, why would you do that?! What were you even doing all this time that made you go after kids?!”

“They can transform into monsters!” Vivi said loudly, “I didn’t know they were Arthur’s kids!”

“Wait, so if we weren’t Daddy’s kids, you would’ve just gone after us no matter what?” Gwen asked as she glared at Vivi.

“None of this would've happened if you hadn’t attacked us in the first place!” Percy looked down on the fake dog, “We were just minding our own business until you showed up saying we shouldn’t exist!”

“We can only apologize for that. We thought you had done something to Arthur when I picked up his scent from the three of you,” Mystery said to Percy, “If we had seen you as you are now, even we would’ve picked up on the fact that you are his son, or at least someone related to him.”

Seeing his children becoming more involved with the monsters of his past is starting to become too much. Arthur covered his ears and started humming the lullaby quickly to himself to drown out the sound. He didn’t care that the lullaby would hurt him. He didn’t want to hear the madness anymore. No more! Please! No more!

“Arthur, isn’t that my--?”

“Oh, shut up! Don’t think we didn’t forget how that bitch nearly chopped up our sister! You’re lucky that she missed, or I would’ve gone for her throat instead of her hair!” Percy growled as he made the throat slash gesture with his thumb upon saying it, “Unlike necks, hair can grow back.”

“So you would have killed her?!” Mystery bared his teeth upon hearing the thought of Vivi’s safety being threatened, “I’m not sure if that would’ve been a wise choice. If that Gashadokuro hadn’t appeared, I would have made you regret making that move.”

“I’m right here, mutt,” Elaine said slowly as her right arm, the hand holding the heart, became skeletal with a black and purple flame, her left eye also glowing purple as she glared at the fake dog that just realized his mistake, “Care to repeat that in front of their mother?”

There was a long silence.

Or rather. It went blank for Arthur. They’re still talking. Still arguing. He set his arms down.

That’s right.

These three, the Mystery Skulls and a monster, tried to harm his children. The wraith might seem against the idea, but he knew the wraith would take away anything Arthur held dear like it had done in the past just to see him in pain.

Not.

This.

Time.

“ARTHUR!” “What are you--?!” “DAD!” “DADDY?!”

Arthur kicked Mystery away from the kids amidst the screams and glared at the fake dog when he gave him a look of disbelief. He never wanted to hear Vivian cry like she had earlier today ever again.

“Arthur,” Elaine immediately went back to normal and came to his side, “Don’t push yourself.”

Upon seeing it, Arthur snatched the heart from Elaine’s grasp with his left hand. He tried to keep his breathing stable, but it’s getting harder and harder to breathe…

…What is this? Why is it so dark and purple?

…

How long has it been? Days? Weeks? Months? Years? …Centuries? The passage of time has long been lost.

Nothing but regrets, nothing but sorrow, nothing but the memories that used to give him a sick sense of satisfaction that now bring him an even more sickening sense of regret and shame.

It’s what he deserved. He knew that.

He could still sense what is going on outside his prison… somewhat at least. His little helpers, the Dead Beats, that were extensions of himself still wandered over yonder here and there, but even though they’re essentially his eyes and ears, they can only sense so much in their extremely weakened state. He has no idea how long it’s been since he was left here to rot by the old traditional shrine maiden that knew how to use the paper seals and chants that could exorcise even the strongest of demons. At the same time, he didn’t know why she chose to seal him instead of eliminating him entirely.

He is aware that he brought this outcome of ruin upon himself, being sealed with the one that ruined everything. The memories it haunted him with within the darkened green, such as the ones he used to be proud of, only brought anger and disappointment upon itself. Sometimes it would leave him alone, and he made sure to treasure those moments of relief. No moment of peace except for these rare precious moments. Despite this, he couldn’t let his guard down and was always on edge.

The fact that it used him to hurt his parents will… It made him feel violated more than he cared to admit.

He has no doubt that this is all what Arthur went though, as well. He wondered if the mechanic is even still alive.

Every once in a while, he would try to distract himself from the now painful memories by singing his song with his little helpers. Sometimes he would sing it the way it’s supposed to, other times he would sing it more sadly and melancholy.

This time I might just disappear…

He chose to sing it slowly and softly this time. The green hasn’t tried to disturb him for a while.

All of a sudden, he sensed something outside. He couldn’t tell what it was since his little helpers were so weak. He couldn’t see them, but he could feel them. Two… no, three? New presences near his prison’s proximity. He may not be able to do anything from where he is, but he hoped that his little helpers would lead them away to safety.

…They’re not leaving. One can float around. But it’s so small… Unless he is wrong, the floating one is… searching for something? The other two that can walk are trying to pursue the one that floats. What are the Dead Beats doing? They’re trying to get into contact with the three, but something is holding them back. One had enough, and so it used a trapdoor to catch the three by surprise. Why are the Dead Beats trying to bring the three to him? There's nothing he can do.

Oh, the one that can fly took one of the two, while the remaining kept falling.

"--en!"

A young boy's voice. Maybe someone calling out to their partner? He wanted to help, but as long as the seal remains intact, he can't leave, let alone move.

A yelp of pain in a girl's voice. She sounds hurt. Did she fall that badly? Is this the person the other voice he heard just moments earlier call out to? Before he could question it any further, something in his vision changed. It's faint, but light started to crack vertically in front of him. To his surprise, when he tried to reach out, he found that he could move. His fingers came into contact with the side of what felt like a lid. He pulled it to the side as hard as he could.

The lid of his coffin fell off with a loud clatter, and he quickly shut his eyes against the bright light.

Am I… free?

Does this mean that Arthur is here?

"Oh… f-frick…"

He slowly opened his eyes to adjust to the light, which isn't much. When his vision cleared, he saw-- That's not Arthur. It's just a kid, a young girl with dark hair and gray overalls, staring at him with an alarmed expression though her eyes.  But the only way for him to be released from his prison based on what the old shrine maiden had said…

“Only those that come after in blood of whose soul you’ve hurt.”

Although he has no idea how, this child is someone that has fit the criteria the shrine maiden had placed. Maybe she knows where Arthur is, or at least what happened to the world outside after he was sealed.

He looked down at himself briefly before shifting his focus to his heart. Still dark in color, and heavily cracked like it had been ever since he realized his mistake too late. How long has it been? What does he even look like now? He thought about looking into his heart, but instead looked up at the child before him.

"You…"

He started as he began to move forward, reaching out for her. Maybe he could lead her back to her two companions and then out of his prison? He tried to speak except he couldn't form the words other than "You."

The way the girl reacted with alarm before running off… felt familiar. He realized that he could move still, so he started to float and moved to follow her. He had to make sure she didn't fall into a trap or worse, encounter the green.

She saw him pursue her. As she continued to run away, she lifted an arm to his direction. He wondered what she was doing before seeing something sparkle in her hands and realized it immediately. She has magic. Why does it feel so cold? He didn't want to hurt her, so he lifted his hand to burn away the ice and nothing else. He tried to speak, but for some reason, he couldn't remember the words he wanted to say. What were they again? He knew how to say his name and one other.

"Arrrrth…"

"No no no no no no no no!" The girl just kept repeating the word, probably more to herself than anything else. She's a lot faster than he thought. How familiar. Maybe he can still warp the place like he used to before he was trapped here?

He knows most of the doors were basically portals that led to other doors meant to confuse people, so when the girl ran into one of the many doors in the hallway, she came out of another door in the same area just a little further down. When she saw him, she briefly looked annoyed, and then kept running in the long hallway and ignored the remaining doors altogether.

He needs to find a way to let her know he means no harm. It took some effort, but soon he was able to conjure a wall to cut off the girl's path to where only two pathways remain. The first path being the way they came, the other being another hall that neither had gotten to yet. Either way, he managed to effectively trap her in a corner.

"You… Arrrrrth…" Why can't he speak properly?! He just wanted to talk to her…

Something must have caught the girl's attention, as she soon went from a guarded stance to one of confusion.

"Are you… trying to say something?"

He looked up at her and nodded.

“You’re not going to hurt me, are you?”

He shook his head.

“Raise your left hand if you understand me.”

He did so.

She looked hesitant before standing up straight, “You’re definitely a wraith. The only way for something like you to exist was if you died a very violent death, and in your last moments, having a very strong desire. In other words, you have unfinished business here, right? Someone murdered you.”

He nodded. When the girl didn’t make a response, he looked down at his heart. Maybe if he shows her the photo inside, she’ll recognize any of the people in it? He allowed his heart to approach the girl for her to look. Just as if she was about to take hold of it--

“GWEN!”

He couldn’t believe his eyes.

“Back off, you skull ghost!”

Standing in front of the girl, shielding her from him is—! He realized that he is shaking, that he is crying, “Arrrrttthhhh… You…”

Arthur looked taken aback, “Wha--? Why are you--”

Before anyone realized it, he held Arthur in his arms in a soft embrace.

“Arthur, it is you!”

There isn’t any green. He didn’t want to let Arthur go, otherwise it would mean that this isn’t real.

He wanted to let Arthur know how sorry he is and that he learned from his mistake. That maybe things will work out. That maybe, just maybe, things could go back to what everything once was. To be a team again. Maybe get Vivi and then ask Arthur that question with her one more time and hope that he accepts it. That maybe, just maybe, Arthur will forgive him.

And maybe, just maybe… He thought more to himself as he gently held Arthur, who remained still with a look of confusion, by the shoulders to look into the gentle blue eyes he always knew--

…

…

…Wait.

Arthur doesn’t have blue eyes. They’re supposed to be gold like his hair. He’s also supposed to have a patch of dark hair just above his forehead, not white.

Upon closer inspection, he realized that the not-Arthur before him isn’t even an adult, but a child that just reached his teens, just like the girl behind the boy that somehow opened his prison. He took a moment to take in the features of the boy before him. The spiky hair, the way the patch of hair above his forehead looks outside of color, his jawline, his general stature, it’s beyond unmistakable.

It’s not Arthur, but he didn’t doubt this boy is related to him some way.

What sealed it was when he saw a familiar pin on the boy’s vest, one of the Mystery Skulls logo. Unless it’s a replica, only three are supposed to exist, but since it looks so beat up…

Looking at the girl, she doesn’t look like anyone he knew, but he soon found what he was missing. Her eyes were the same gold color as Arthur’s. He then saw her headband with a somewhat beaten blue circle just above her right ear.

“Hey,” the girl asked, her voice shaking, “Do you know this ‘Arthur’s’ last name?”

It took him a moment to answer, “K-King…”

“'Kingsmen'?” the boy suddenly asked, and when he nodded, the two children looked at each other as if realizing something before the boy spoke up again, “Hey, do you remember when you died? Like, the date and year?”

He told them.

“That’s… that’s over seventeen years ago!”

…Seventeen… years?

His heart fell to the floor and cracked.

…

…

…

Huh? 

Arthur blinked and looked up at the wraith. If what he saw was true…

He gritted his teeth. He won’t accept it. He just can’t.

 He glared at the Mystery Skulls while holding on to the heart to the with a tight grip. 

“I don’t know what you Skulls have been doing while I was away, and frankly, I don’t even care,” Arthur seethed as he glared at Vivi, “I let you all do whatever you wanted with me because I know that everything was my fault. Your parents said so, as did Lewis’s family, and as did that monster beside you that you kept because of your damn obsession.”

His grip on the wraith’s heart tightened. The wraith winced. Vivi and Mystery looked taken aback.

“I let that monster have its way with me for the six months we stayed with it because it was the only way you would be happy. I had to learn the rules through trial and error so I wouldn’t go through any more of this,” Arthur pulled on the turtleneck of his sweater to reveal the burn mark on his throat briefly before releasing it, “Just so you could stay happy. But no matter what I did to atone, it wasn’t enough. Not for your family, not for the Peppers, and certainly not for that wraith that’s only been kind to you.”

Vivi is trembling. It would have pained Arthur to see it, but he no longer cared. Not after what she nearly did to his son and daughters, to Elaine’s treasured miracles.

He noticed Elaine’s hand wrap itself around his right shoulder and felt relieved, even though he dared not show it. Not in front of the wraith and the fox.

“What… What were the rules?” Vivi asked with a shaky voice.

Arthur rolled his eyes in irritation. Typical for the wraith to stay silent and play dumb around Vivi like it always did.

“I was not to be alone with you for even a moment, let alone speak to you, even if you were the one to reach out. I was not to perform maintenance on my arm. I was to go first on investigations, entering rooms, crossing streets. After all, you wouldn’t want me to push you to your death, too, now would you? I was not to do any more maintenance for the van, let alone drive it anymore. For all you know, I could’ve tampered with it to stage an accident, even though everyone here knows very well that the mechanic in me would never do that. I was to never sleep past a certain time, even on the few nights where I wouldn’t have nightmares and hopefully, finally, get a full night’s rest for once. Or else I would just be forcefully dragged out of bed and get punished. For all anyone knows, I could’ve been plotting something. ‘No rest for the wicked,’ as the saying goes.”

The Mystery Skulls were looking more and more sick as Vivi looked more and more angry at the wraith with tears starting to form in her eyes. Sucks to be them.

He didn’t dare look at his family right now.

“I was not to eat anything unless all three of us were present. And even then, that had some rules. I wasn’t to eat any of my favorite foods, or anything from the Pepper Paradiso, even if you were the one that provided it to me. Although that one will forever stick after not only getting beaten for it, but also getting tampered food that made me sick at least twice, from cookies with the icing switched to paste to that one meal that had arsenic in it. The only reason I didn’t require a hospital visit for that one was no doubt because I somehow developed a tolerance for it.”

Arthur briefly paused as he noticed Elaine’s fingers twitching at what he just said earlier before continuing.

“Or maybe it was something else, I don’t know or even care. Either way, I had to go without food for days at a time until I had to go to work with Lance, and in the few times I couldn’t I had to resort to eating the weeds outside.”

He felt Elaine’s grip on his arm tighten slightly and heard her whisper his name. He knew that this is the first time she would be hearing about everything he went through in painful detail.

He hated it.

“Your parents, mainly your father, blamed me for your amnesia, when in actuality the wraith was the one that did it to you. The Peppers, on the other hand, told me multiple times that I should’ve been the one who died that day. It’s true, though. Their son’s life had more meaning than mine, after all. I mean, who would you save? A man that has many connections and a promising life ahead of him, or a screwed-up mechanic that was thrown away by his parents with more issues than the stars in the sky?”

Anything I did to make up for what I’ve done, all that I tried to do to heal the damage I caused, was never enough.

“Arthur, why didn’t you say anything?!” Vivi is crying now, “Why?!”

Arthur gritted his teeth, “You were finally happy after everything that went wrong because of me when you were with that ghost. How could I take that away from you again?”

Vivi is trembling, “Even so, you should’ve told me. I could have done something!”

“Not like I could,” Arthur said as he tossed the heart behind him and jammed a finger at the wraith while keeping his attention towards Vivi, “You were pretty forgetful ever since the incident.”

There was a long silence.

“Arthur, are you saying what I think you just said?” Elaine finally asked before furiously pointing at the wraith, “You mean to tell me that he’s been controlling Yukino’s memory the entire time!?”

The wraith looked away. Honestly, its unnerved Arthur that it was showing such human and Lewis-like mannerisms.

“It did erase her memory of Lewis dying, and then Lewis in general. So it wouldn’t surprise me if it could do more than that,” Arthur said, “Either way, so long as I ‘behaved,’ she wouldn’t know. The least I could do was make sure that it didn’t tamper with her memory anymore that it did.”

“Lewis, just why would you—!” Vivi shook her head before turning back to Arthur, “Then why didn’t you tell your uncle anything?! He could’ve done something to help you, instead!”

“All he’d do is pump that shotgun and make things worse,” Arthur spat, “We were lucky the last time that happened. I’m not risking a repeat.”

The sound of the shotgun is not something Arthur would want to hear again, that’s for sure. Not to mention that in the present, as much as Lance means well, Arthur knows that his uncle could very easily kill the children by accident should he mistake them for monsters like Vivi had, or worse, getting caught in the crossfire.

…He shuddered and struggled not to picture any of his family having big gaping wounds or being outright headless.

If anything, this just means that he can’t trust anyone from Tempo. No one.

It hurt. More than he cares to admit.

“That thing wanted me gone. That thing wanted me to disappear. But you didn’t, Vivi. You had me stay, and so that wraith had to make do with things like this,” he pointed at his own neck before pulling at his right sleeve to show the faint hand-shaped burn on his forearm, “And left me with more reminders of my inability to do anything more than I care to count! But I accepted it. It is my fault, after all. That demon took hold of me and had me kill Lewis. His blood is on my hands even though I never wanted it to happen!”

Vivi fell on her knees and kept crying. Mystery immediately went to her side to see if he could offer any comfort

Arthur can’t deny that seeing her in such a state is rather unsettling, but he can’t look away from it anymore. Upon seeing some movement, Arthur looked up and saw the wraith starting to lift a hand as if it wanted to comfort Vivi, only to immediately back off upon seeing Arthur’s glare.

“…Arthur.”

Something cracked.

“You have every right to hate me.”

Crack.

Arthur shuddered upon hearing the wraith speak and held on to Elaine for support. He looked around briefly to see if Gwen and Percy were still around, and briefly saw red as he noticed his son cradling the wraith’s heart in his hands.

“No number of apologies will ever make up for what I did to you, but I still want to say that I’m sorry.”

Crack.

What is this feeling of… sorrow(?) welling up in his throat. Arthur didn’t want to maintain eye contact with the wraith. That’s how it gets people off guard.

“Before you and your family destroy me, I just want to know. If you hated me that much when you left…”

Crack.

Arthur gritted his teeth.

“Why did you name your children with the names I suggested?”

Crack. Crack.

He didn’t.

- - - - - - -

“Oh wow! Look at this view, Arthur!”

The Mystery Skulls had decided to take a rest stop in Tennessee from their drive home after roughly five hours of riding. The rest stop also happened to have a scenic overlook where one could enjoy the scenery of the mountains from the interstate. It has a good view, Arthur had to admit as he leaned himself forward against the stone fence.

“Although I hear it can’t compare to what the Cantabile Mountains at the other side of the state have to offer,” Lewis laughed, “Maybe in the future we can go look?”

Arthur hummed in agreement, even though he remained more focused on reading a robotics tech magazine he had managed to obtain from a convention when they passed by a larger city the day before. The pages held some interesting ideas for prosthetics, which was something Arthur had taken an interest in as of late. He made sure to fold the corners of the pages he needed to look into later when he gets home.

Upon hearing the sound of a dog barking, Arthur looked behind him to see Vivi and Mystery running around. Mystery had been rather restless, and Arthur didn’t doubt that the bespectacled dog is more than relieved to have the opportunity to stretch his legs.

Upon seeing Vivi look so happy, something ached in Arthur’s chest. He didn’t know what to call it, but he knew better than to talk to her or Lewis about it.

“I know you’ll find someone who will love you, Arthur. I know it.”

“Yeah, right,” Arthur said as he continued to read the tech magazine in his hands, “You know how to cook while having the strength to do pretty much anything. And with Vivi’s appetite, any family you’d have with her will probably enjoy that to their heart’s content. Me? I’ve got none of that.”

“Well, actually, we still had some things to sort out before Vivi and I go that far,” Lewis said after some silence, “I mean, there’s still some stuff to work out before we can do that.”

Arthur looked up from the tech magazine he was reading and saw Vivi doing something with Mystery from the corner of his eye. He didn’t bother to pay full attention to them before shooting a glance at the man next to him. Way to be redundant, Lewis.

“Ah, sorry, I’m losing track. You see, you know I’m adopted, and I have no idea who or where my birth parents are. Don’t get me wrong, I love Mom and Dad, but sometimes I just wonder…” Lewis trailed off before giving Arthur a fearful look, “Ah, wait, that didn’t…! Crap…”

A dark cloud formed over Arthur’s head, and his mood felt worse than it already is.

Although Arthur never looked back when he went to live with his uncle after the nasty divorce between his parents, it never stopped being a sore subject for him. He didn��t deny that he would occasionally feel envious of the families Lewis and Vivi have, but Lewis just sounded so selfish there. At least he had loving parents at all, blood related or not.

Sure, he has his uncle, but sometimes Arthur wondered just what exactly a complete and loving family felt like. Arthur knows that Uncle Lance would do anything to protect him, but he isn’t exactly the best at showing affection, often displaying a gruffer side more than anything else. Arthur sighed, maybe he’s the selfish one.

“Gwen and Percy.”

“Huh?” Arthur gave Lewis an incredulous look in response to his friend’s comment out of the blue.

“If, ah, you ever have a son and a daughter, we could name them that,” Lewis laughed while leaning against the railing, “Not only would they fit in with your name like in the legends, but they’re great names by themselves, I think.”

Arthur blinked in confusion before turning his head away from Lewis, hoping that the latter wouldn’t see the blush forming on his face, “I-I guess, but you know that in order for me to even do that, I’d have to get together with someone first. And even then, I don’t know if I’d be good enough to be a father.” Let alone be a good enough partner, he mentally added with a heavy heart.

This isn’t helping his mood.

Lewis hummed in thought, “I don’t know about that. You’re actually pretty good with my sisters, and you even helped us with Paprika back when Dad and I had that car accident shortly after she was born. Mom even said that if it hadn’t been for you, she might have gone to the hospital herself from overwork. Since you’re a great babysitter, I’d say you’d make a great dad.”

Well, he can’t… deny that. Somewhat.

“Still, you’d make a better parent than me, though.”

Lewis didn’t respond immediately, which made Arthur wonder if he had said it with more bite than he intended. Having to watch Lewis and Vivi being all lovey-dovey and virtually ignoring him outside some quick glances throughout the entire drive to where they are now didn’t help matters. Sometimes, he wondered if they even wanted him around anymore. It hurts more than he’d like to admit.

Still. Him? A father? Someone’s significant other? That’ll be the day.

As far as Arthur knows, he’s most likely ace or aro or whatever the heck the label is called. He had tried to figure out what exactly it is through online research, but with so many terms that seem to get added every week, combined with the rather toxic influence with people saying on what is acceptable and what is not only to find the whole thing turned around on its head, or what is “something-phobic” based on what his initial assumptions on the two (or more) terms were, Arthur never bothered consulting any of the online communities and gave up entirely. To him, it was just more trouble than it’s worth.

Then again, it’s probably not wise asking online strangers for help on something like this anyway. Especially once he started finding posts that essentially held the basic message of being something akin to “this label is like this with these very certain criteria or fuck you and go die,” and even blogs that are said to be devoted to supporting these labels just can’t seem to agree with one another. Do they accept this? Do they accept that? He could never find a consistent answer.

He had thought about finding a counselor that specializes on the subject, but not only are there not any reliable-looking ones within a reasonable driving distance from Tempo, their hourly rates without proper insurance is way too high for someone like him. It’s not that Kingsmen Mechanics doesn’t provide insurance for their employees, it’s not exactly the best for those with mental needs. Lance would sometimes make an annoyed comment about that.

And then there’s the fact that Texas itself, and maybe a good chunk if not all of the remaining forty-nine states, most likely wouldn’t accept anyone outside of whoever is perceived as "hetero-normal" or whatever people call it.

Why the hell am I wasting my time thinking about this. Arthur growled to himself in frustration while trying to be quiet enough for Lewis to not notice.

After struggling to comprehend it all, it just felt so pointless. But he still wants to know why and figure it out for his own peace of mind.

As far as he knows, his name is Arthur Kingsmen, a twenty-two-year-old car mechanic and Lance’s nephew. To him, that’s all that mattered. He knows that he desires a companionship of his own like how Lewis and Vivi have for one another, but he just can’t feel the desire with any of the people he has met so far. Not to mention seeing those two together… hurt. He didn’t know why.

Maybe something is wrong with him, but he can’t impose on Vivi and Lewis like that.

And as far as Arthur also knows, he will be alone for his entire life once he goes out on his own.

He briefly entertained the idea of meeting someone, falling in love, getting married, and starting a family… but he knows that’s a mere pipe dream.

His heart ached.

…

One last case.

Just one last case, and then he will leave.

And finally go out on his own.

- - - - - - -

“Or… more accurately, why did you name them after Vivi and… after me?”

Gwen Vivi, Percy Lewis, and Vivian Lulu. The first and middle names he had given to his three children in memory of the two people he cared about.

The wall broke.

“How dare you.”

“What?”

“How dare you claim those names,” Arthur’s hands balled up into fists as angry tears leaked from his eyes, “The one who suggested those names is dead. Dead and gone. Buried!”

He glared at the wraith. He won’t fail to keep eye contact this time. He has Elaine with him, she can stop the wraith if need be.

“You can’t have them,” he seethed, “You’re not taking them to be your playthings. I won’t let you hurt them like you hurt me.”

“I would never hurt them! Why would—”

“They’re not just mine, but Elaine’s, too. Unlike me, she has nothing to do with you or any of this. I’m not going to let her get hurt because of me.”

As soon as Arthur said those words, a loud audible crack could be heard. When Arthur looked to see the source of the noise, he saw Percy still holding the heart, now nearly black in color, and open. Annoyed, Arthur took the open locket from his son’s hands and looked inside to see what it was that made the children’s faces so pale.

...

…The thing felt putrid in his hands. Filthy.

“Gwen. Percy,” Arthur said calmly, “Go to your nana. Stay by Vivian’s side. Don’t let her come in here.”

The twins looked at one another nervously.

“Please.”

It was clear that they didn’t want to, but they obeyed. After waiting a moment to make sure the twins were out of sight and hopefully out of hearing range, the fury Arthur felt slowly started to rise. Gwen and Percy, and maybe Jason, shouldn’t have seen what was inside the locket. They are not to be involved over past issues such as this.

Arthur tossed the locket at Vivi and Mystery’s feet in disgust before clutching the moon pin on his vest, “As soon as you asked me that damn question, I couldn't take it anymore. That’s why I left.”

Vivi’s eyes widened, looking torn and shaken as she picked up the locket, “Wait, you mean tha--that was all it took? Just because that we--, that I asked you out on a date?"

“That’s right,” he said as he made the move to hold Elaine’s left hand with his own, knowing that her wedding ring was visible for Vivi and the wraith to see. He then took a moment to glance at the wraith to make sure it wouldn’t get any stupid ideas before choosing to ignore the look of guilt on its face, “Lewis was your boyfriend, not me. I never wanted you projecting on the third wheel when Lewis went missing or died to be more accurate. You belonged to him.”

“Hey, I belong to no one by my own damn self, thank you very much,” Vivi snapped, “No one but I can decide what my relationships are, not some random person I don’t have any memory with anymore!” She sighed with frustration, “Did you seriously think I would flirt with someone I wasn’t interested in?!”

“Playfully, maybe. Since that’s what friends do,” Arthur shrugged as he held Elaine’s hand closer to himself, “It was still wrong, though--”

“I wanted us to be more than friends even before all that, Arthur!”

…Arthur really wished Vivi didn’t just say that.

“Wait, hold on. Let me make sure I got this straight,” Elaine raised her free hand to point a finger at Vivi, “You, Vivi Yukino, wanted to make Arthur your boyfriend even though you were already taken, and you had your memory of Lewis back when you asked Arthur that question?”

“You can have more than one significant other in a relationship,” Vivi explained, “Sure, there was a huge stigma for polyamorous relationships even back then, but we weren’t going to let that get in the way.”

Arthur risked a glance at the wraith. Curiously, it kept its head hung down, not looking at anyone. He really, really didn’t like the way it’s presenting itself right now, looking like a scolded child. Lewis would have that exact same expression in the few times he had been scolded by Vivi for some reason, and that disturbed him more than he cares to admit.

When Arthur thought about the past, he knew what it was that had become so painful for him whenever he saw Lewis and Vivi being together as partners. He wanted to be a part of that circle, but he knew that deep down, it was entirely selfish of him to want such a thing. What made it worse was that he didn’t even realize it was love he was feeling for Vivi and Lewis until he had realized his feelings for Elaine when she won his heart.

Well, even then, it’s too little, too late. Lewis is gone and dating Vivi after learning of the former’s fate would just be an insult to the dead. Plus, he didn’t want Vivi to project Lewis through him. In the end, there is no point in reminiscing the past or wondering about how things would’ve gone had Lewis not died, had the Mystery Skulls not gone into that cave.

What’s done is done.

“Before I died,” Arthur stiffened upon hearing the wraith speak, “Vivi and I had discussed our feelings for one another and for Arthur once we realized it. We even tried giving him hints and even flirted with him at times, but he always seemed to miss them every time. We were beginning to think he was ace/aro at that point.”

It took a lot of willpower on Arthur’s part to keep himself from shuddering. Shut up. Stop talking.

“Um, yeah, as far as I know, Arthur never knew how to flirt,” Elaine said with a somewhat exasperated breath, “I just kept inviting him to weekly dates and tested the waters little by little with his consent until I knew how he clicked. We were friends first, then we started dating casually, then seriously, and then to where we are now.”

Unlike what happed with Vivi and Lewis, Elaine was never subtle about her feelings for me. Even though I never knew how to flirt, even I could pick up the cues she was giving me. She always told me that she liked me, that she cared, and that she wanted me around. She invited me to cafes, to parks, to the mountain ranges, to peaceful places. She acted like my life mattered. Whenever she took a step forward, she would talk to me. She would communicate with me. I would have never confessed to her had she’d not done that.

I stopped bothering with the labels. It’s pointless. All that matters is that I know my name, and I love Elaine. That’s it.

“Eventually, we decided to just outright tell him after we finished exploring the cave,” Vivi averted her eyes with a sad expression, “But you know that never came to pass.”

Upon hearing those words, Arthur’s chest ached with a familiar sensation of doubt and a heavy tightness as he looked at his left arm. The awful feeling of loneliness, conflicted feelings, and a heartbreak that never completely went away. Arthur quietly took a deep breath. He would be lying if he were to admit that he didn’t feel anything for Vivi and Lewis anymore, but most of the desire had faded. He felt nothing for the wraith.

He gave his heart to Elaine. He won’t betray her like that. He won’t let her go through such heartbreak ever again.

“I see,” Elanie sighed as she gave Arthur’s hand a squeeze, letting him know she’s still with him, “Since we’re on the subject, perhaps you can actually answer this question since both your parents and the Peppers didn’t give me the full story. From what they told me; things have ‘gone straight to hell’ when Arthur left your lives.”

Arthur could’ve sworn he saw one of Elaine’s eyes glow when he saw her narrow her gaze at Vivi.

“What happened in Tempo after that?”

Neither Vivi nor the wraith responded. They just looked down in shame. Arthur didn’t see a reason to pity them anymore.

“I guess it’s my turn to explain things.”

Arthur nearly jumped when he heard Mystery speak. Had he seriously forgotten that the kitsune disguised as a dog is still around? Even though he was right beside Vivi the whole time.

“Go on,” Elaine looked down at the dog with contempt, “And do not leave out a single detail. Tell me everything.”

“Very well,” Mystery took a deep breath, “As we’ve said before, it all started when Vivi got the phone call from Lance. None of us knew that Arthur had left for a ‘solo vacation’ after he finished his work here. So when Lance called police to help locate Arthur, he came to our place. That’s when he found all the evidence that clued us in that Arthur had been abused by Lewis ever since we reunited. While Vivi’s memory issues is one thing, I do not have any excuse for not noticing Arthur’s pain. I was too focused on watching out for Vivi’s health as I am bound to her.”

A hitched breath from Vivi caught Arthur’s attention. She looks angry, “After you left, when I found out about what my parents and the Peppers… and Lewis have done to you, I was livid. I told them all that if they had to blame someone, they should’ve blamed me.

“I am the leader of the Mystery Skulls, so the wellbeing of everyone was my responsibility. I failed to do that when we went to that cave. If I hadn’t brought us there, or if I hadn’t brushed off your concerns, or had I not suggested we split up,” Vivi sighed before continuing, “Or had Lewis and I talked with you about our feelings before instead of after that cave, then none of this would have happened to us. The one that caused the series of events that led to Lewis getting killed was me. So it’s my fault, Arthur. Not yours. If anything, I should’ve been the one receiving all that abuse from Lewis and the others instead of you. Not that it makes things any better, of course, but still.”

Don’t say that. Don’t say that Lewis is--

“Continuing from where we left off, Vivi and I were trying to search for you by checking whatever leads we could get. All we knew from the police reports was that you had taken a bus to a route leading out to the east of Tempo, transferred a few times within the span of two days, and then boarded a bus that was reported to have dropped you off somewhere in the mountains of Tennessee,” Mystery said, “We elected to have Lewis stay behind since we couldn’t trust him with your wellbeing, but that became our worst mistake.”

The wraith looked at the blue box in its hand, “The demon that killed me… was still around. It took hold of my father and almost killed Paprika by putting a knife to her throat. If I hadn’t been around, then she would’ve died. Vivi was able to save him by,” the wraith shuddered, “By freezing his hand off, but then the demon took hold of me. My mother got caught in the crossfire when she was taking my father and sisters to safety.”

A chill went up in Arthur’s spine. He knew that experience firsthand. A human falling under possession is one thing, but anything that actually has powers that normal people like him aren’t capable of doing? He glanced at Elaine to see how she’s faring and could only feel somewhat relieved upon seeing that she hasn’t changed her scrutiny of the Mystery Skulls.

Although Arthur shuddered that the wraith just kept talking, he didn’t know if it was from hearing it speak or finally knowing why Mrs. Pepper’s body is so full of burn scars. The burns he received from the wraith were tame in comparison. For him, he could just hide them under his clothes. Mrs. Pepper, not so much.

“Vivi and Mystery were able to expel the demon from me, but then Vivi’s grandmother sealed me within my home.”

“Obaa-san said that the seal could be broken by ‘only those that come after in blood of whose soul you’ve hurt,’” Vivi quotes with her fingers, “Since Arthur was hurt by Lewis, Mystery and I knew that we needed him to break it. But there’s one thing I don’t quite understand, Arthur didn’t go anywhere near where Lewis was, so how was the seal broken?”

Vivi, stop calling that thing Lew—

“…Arthur’s children,” Mystery perked up in realization, “If we take ‘only those that come after in blood’ to mean his descendants, then they easily fill the criteria since they’re descended from his bloodline. I do remember Fuyuko-sama once saying that Arthur is an ‘herbivore,’ so to speak. She may have intended for the conditions of removing the seal to be impossible, as she may have thought that Arthur would never have a child, let alone get together with someone. It makes sense.”

Arthur and Elaine looked at one another briefly, the former feeling very uncomfortable. Neither of them liked the fact that Gwen, Percy, and Vivian have more involvement than they thought.

“Well, either way,” Vivi sighed before crossing her arms, “Since Lewis is here, that means all we need to do now is find the demon that tore us apart and cursed this town, and then we can finally end this nightmare. And then once we take that thing once and for all, we all just… talk. Hopefully patch up things and then just,” she let a hard breath, “I don’t know, go from there.”

Getting rid of that wraith would be a real good start.

“About the demon,” the wraith said, “Before your grandmother sealed me, I managed to take it down with me. It was actually because of it that I… ended up learning of everything it made Arthur do to kill me, and then how it caught up to us before we managed to briefly defeat it.”

There was a silence.

“Wait, what the fuck?” Vivi’s voice is steadily rising in volume, “Mystery and I were looking for that thing ever since Arthur left, and you mean to tell me that it’s been with you the entire time?! That thing was torturing the town for over seventeen years!”

“I didn’t even know it’s been seventeen years until Gwen and Percy told me right after the seal was broken! Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to process that?! They were will filling me in on what I had missed and were just about to get to my sisters until you all came in!” It held up the blue box in it hand, “I held on to this ever since Paprika gave it to me!”

Who gave you the right to call them by their names? Arthur bit his lip in anger. They’re not yours.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, hold up, hold up,” Elaine let go of Arthur and put herself between Vivi and the wraith before giving the latter a pointed look, “To make sure I have this straight. You had been sealed by Yukino’s grandmother, along with the demon, right?”

“Yes...”

“And my and Arthur’s children had broken that seal, therefore freeing you.”

“That’s… right.”

“So if you’re here, then where’s the demon now?”

Arthur’s blood went cold. He looked behind him before running out of the room.

The kids!

As he ran, his anger could not be contained. As a father, he will do whatever it takes to keep his children safe for their sake, and for Elaine’s.

The wraith is too dangerous to keep around.

- - - - - - -

The hunt is over!

And now you are mine!

Hide in shadows give you safety, baby...

But not this time!

...

...

...

You really like to think the contrary, don’t you?

Part 20: Your Enemy???! 

[hchan-main]

Artificial Love | Chapter 1 | C₁₀H₁₂N₂O (Serotonin)

Chapters: Preview - Serotonin - Chapter 2 (soon i hope)

Pairing: Haechan x Reader

Genre: angst, fluff, dystopia

TW: tba in every chapter if necessary

A/N: Posted earlier than I thought since I had more free time than expected! I’m sorry there’s no reader x donghyuck interaction here yet since I wanted to focus a bit more on explaining what’s going on in the universe where the story takes place :)

“Why did you apply for this internship?”

The cold surface of the metal table burned the skin on your wrists, your fingertips gently tapping it without following any particular rhythm as you organized your thoughts. Your back pressed straight against the white chair and eyes fixed on the ones of the interviewer in front of you.

“The duration of it. If I got accepted here I would finish the internship required period earlier than other graduates, since it’s an intensive program, I’d have some time advantage to find a stable position to work in after this” you answered honestly, not like you could find any benefit in lying or sugar coating your intentions anyway. “and the experience of working here would give me a better chance of achieving a district promotion”

“Efficiency is highly valued” the interviewer said, tone flat as well as his intonation. His eyes fell on the documents in front of him, scanning them with no rush. “What did you major in again?”

“Psychology”

“Interesting. What’s your district?”

“District 3”

“That’s already fairly high” The man in front of you commented, fingers quickly working with the pen they held to scribble on the paper he had on his other hand after checking your answer with the number stuck on your clothes near your right shoulder.

The room was small, but not to the extent to make you feel trapped. The walls tinted with an extremely light baby blue which some could argue resembled more a cold gray, and one large one-way mirror behind the interviewer giving off vibes of you being interrogated rather than the actual situation. You tried catching a glimpse of what the man was writing, but the bright lights shining above both of you had already tired your eyes.

“What’s your opinion on oxopressyn?”

Your body tensed so lightly it was almost impossible for you to perceive it. You knew that was a very controversial topic, not only in your area of study, but in society as well. You had to choose your words very carefully.

“Was that too hasty?” He asked. His empty eyes went back to yours, head slightly tilted to one side; actions done more like a drill than an actual demonstration of caring. “Tell me what you know about it then” Your eyes wandered towards the tag on one side of his chest, a bright number ‘4’ stuck there letting you know he was one district below you.

When people were born, they were placed on different districts numbered from one to eight. Each level had different job opportunities, lived in different areas, and had different environments. Each level you scaled offering more privileges as well. One of them was information. And a very important rule was not to share what you knew with people from other districts. It was your first time in this kind of situation since it was very rare that people from different districts interacted with each other. “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t be in this position if you couldn’t talk freely to me”

His sentence came so naturally that you were sure this was not the first time he had this encounter.

You intertwined your own fingers, the coolness of the table now attacking the side of your palms. “It’s a suppressant. Created more than a few hundred years ago to help people make logical decisions” your answered almost as if reading the definition from a book, taking one more glance at the number on the chest of your interviewer and then at the one-way mirror, doubting for a few seconds before continuing “by cutting out their emotions…”

“but?” He said, pressuring you into adding more to your answer.

“It’s not perfect. There’re still people who are partly immune to its effect, they can still feel some things other than fear. They desire, hurt, and care. Most of the time they end up as part of the resistance”

“And that’s why we are here” the interviewer suddenly interrupted, gathering all the documents on both hands to fix them straight with a few bumps against the metal table before standing up. “I think you could be useful in this investigation. You match the profile we were looking for to add in the team” he adds, a fake smile decorating his plump limps as a sign of friendliness while offering you his hand. “I’m Jeno”

“y/n” you follow, shaking his hand as you mirrored his expression.

“Welcome, y/n”  

You reached for the sensor on the doorframe of your unit, pressing the wristband on your left arm against it to successfully unlock the door. The temperature was definitely lower than outside, vaguely reminding you of the room where you were being questioned a few hours ago.

Pristine walls surrounded you. The white blinds partially forbidding the sunlight to get inside the room created a stripped pattern on the opposite wall and on part of your body as it accomplished its task. You took a last glance at how the place you have been living up to now was organized. Wooden floor, white furniture, tall windows. Tables and desks clear, making you doubt of their usefulness.

It looked empty.

Lifeless.

Aimless.

As you turned off the power in the unit, you wondered how much different or how much similar it was to yourself.

It didn’t take you long to arrive back in the building where you would be living during the investigation.

Its height wasn’t what made it look so imposing; it was only three stories tall at first sight, but you knew it basement floors went much further than that. The grip on the handle of your silver suitcase tightened, taking the final steps to enter through the mirrors covered doors after scanning your wristband on the sensor.  You weren’t expecting to find someone waiting for you right on the other side, shaking hands with the taller man as you introduced yourself.

“Nice too meet you, I’m Doyoung, leader of the investigation team” He said, his voice cold, but oh so pleasant to the ears that you were sure anyone listening to him would be charmed if it wasn’t for the effects of oxopressyn. And of course you knew him. Despite his age, most of the modern thesis on human behavior where written under his name. Kim Doyoung, district 2, you noted. “I believe Jeno didn’t give you the details of our current investigation”

“He didn’t say much” you agreed, following him close after he signaled you to start walking down what seemed like an endless hallway; carpeted, well illuminated (so much that you’d doubt the lack of windows), and shaped by glass walls which allowed you to see inside each separate cubicle, every single one of them with a person working inside, eyes fixed on their screens and fingertips busy tapping the digital keyboard on their desks.

“This way” Your eyes went back to him at the sound of his voice as he guided you, black suit pants and a white shirt under his lab coat and a pair of rounded glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. “We’ve already added your ID to the data base, so you’ll be able to freely access the facilities in the building. Please study the floor plans we have sent you so that you don’t get lost”

You nodded and quickly went to check your wristband, a small screen projecting from it at the press of a button that showed you your latest messages where you found the mentioned map.

“I hope that even as an intern you work hard for the sake of the investigation. I’m sure you know how advantageous it would be to have our recommendation in your resume if you plan to apply for a district promotion” He mentioned as the elevator you both had stepped in closed its door.

“I’ll do my best. My undergraduate thesis work was based on human emotions so–”

“I know. That’s why we chose you”  

“So” Doyoung started speaking once you met him again on the garden of the residential floor after visiting what would be your room and left your belongings there. The greenhouse in the middle of the area contrasting the green leaves and multicolor flowers against the monotonous white and gray of the walls and furniture. The ceiling showing a holographic projection of a clear summer sky while the singing of birds filled the space as white noise. “As you already mentioned in your interview, oxopressyn is not completely effective. Some people are partially immune to it, other develop resistance over the years, and we are still bound to taking it on a daily basis and constant monitoring of its use” He further explained, taking a seat on a white bench next to a small pond, you soon imitating his actions.

“Just in case, I’ll remind you of the non-disclosure agreement on the contract you signed. But I am certain you know better than ruining your future” his words made you wonder how much of a warning or a threat they were. “The objective here is to complete the missing information on how human emotions work, what chemicals and physical responses are involved, and how we can use that knowledge to fix oxopressyn’s flaws. I know you must be thinking that this is something that must have already been discovered, but if that is the case, district 1 leaders are not willing to share that information with us”

“What does the experiment consist of?”

“We’ll have people all from different districts paired up, and slowly reduce their doses of oxopressyn. From then on, we’ll follow a series of steps where they will be exposed to different stimuli. We intend to gather the information on how and what triggers each emotion, as well as their corresponding physical reaction. I assume you know of the basic eight emotions?”

“Yes; fear, disgust, anger, sadness, anticipation, surprise, trust, and joy”

“We plan to start from them and build our way towards secondary emotions, and if possible, go even further. We’ll be constantly monitoring the participants since they could react violently either to the stimuli or to the interaction with their partners. You’ll have to be ready any time to help us stabilize the subjects’ mental state”

“What will they be exposed to first?”

“I’ll send you the full plan and schedules, but we are going to start with–”

“Doyoung-ssi” a woman who looked to be a few years older than you interrupted him after getting there in a hurried pace, some documents grasped in her left hand while she used the other to answer the persistent messages appearing on her wristband. An eye catching 4 on the side of her right arm. “We have a problem. We have lost one of the participants”

“Resigned?”

“We received a notice that she has been taken to a rehabilitation institution”

Doyoung lift one of his hands to run his fingers through his hair, the blank expression not matching with the troublesome situation. “Which district was she from? Can we find a replacement fast enough?”

“District 3, Sir” The woman answered, clear to both of you that she avoided to answer the second question.

“Share her profile with the team. Everyone is to find a replacement as fast as possible”

You checked your wristband immediately when you received the file, opening it with one touch on the projected screen in front of you, your eyes quickly scanning the information. “How much time would the experiment be delayed if we don’t find someone?”

“At least two weeks considering all the paperwork. One to three months if we are unlucky, not many people in district 3 would be willing to put themselves though this”

Your eyebrows furrowed slightly, an old habit for when you were in deep though that you have not been able to quit. You considered the options, since you were there mostly to finish your internship required period earlier, the delay wasn’t convenient for you. Of course the recommendation from a major researcher and the working experience added a plus to it but you needed them fast.

“What if…” you started, gathering the attention from both the woman and Doyoung who were discussing the options seconds before “what if I replaced her?” you suggested. The profile you read showed you were almost an identical match to take her place. You were sure Doyoung also knew this as it didn’t take him long to speak.

“Y/n, are you aware that being inside there is completely different from monitoring?”

“I know”

“Well, you could certainly gather interesting data and give us a completely different perspective that we didn’t consider in the study. But this entails an incredibly heavy emotional distress that you did not sign up for”

“I think I have the required knowledge to deal with that”

Doyoung seemed in deep thought for a few seconds, no one saying any other words as the birds singing took over the silence. “I’ll make sure you are rewarded accordingly” He said, offering you his hand to shake and decide on the new agreement.

“Go write a new contract for her”

[dingoat]

“He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”  That’s the snapped answer one would get, if they asked Watcher Five directly about the ‘flagpole incident’ that Thirteen so delighted in alluding to. “It’s not my problem if he still doesn’t understand that he needed to better compensate for the possibility of a shifting updraught, or that half of the point of the exercise was to prepare for the chance that during a hazardous mission I could be taken out of the picture at any moment. But he likes to behave as though he can hold this over my head, as though he can influence and therefore threaten my reputation, as if every opportunity currently presented to him didn’t hinge directly upon my direction…”

Five would shake his head with a tight little scowl, an artfully perfected act. “I’ll have to have another word or two with him. I daresay there’s something he’s trying to gain, if he’s gone back to spouting that old story around the place. Pay it no heed.”

But Five’s memory of the incident paints a decidedly different picture.

No matter how hard he tries to smother it, rewrite the events in his own mind, he hasn’t yet managed to do away with the sick, tight feeling in his guts whenever that particular exercise is brought up.

---

Every Cipher has to put a great deal of trust in their Watcher, if they are to meet any measure of success. They have to trust that they don’t need the full picture, that they will be given what information is relevant and necessary, they have to trust that they will be directed toward what they need to focus on, that the parameters set for them, difficult or painful or unpalatable as they may seem, will always be with a bigger picture in mind that they need not be privy to. Always for the greater good.

And Cipher Thirteen was part of a program that necessitated an unprecedented level of trust.

Watcher Five reveled in it. He was just as delighted as his new charge to explore the new possibilities that Imperial Intelligence had to work with, just as hungry to push the limits and test the boundaries. But his excitement came with an edge; a new avenue of power, a new method of control. One couldn’t exactly call him reckless, he was far too methodical in the planning of his exercises for that. But some might consider the fact that he preferred to test Thirteen’s abilities in situ as an unnecessary risk.

Five would argue that utilizing the full extent of terrain that Kaas City and its surrounds had to offer was invaluable in regard to training purposes, and he’d argued long, hard and frequently enough, with impressive enough results to back up his words, that Keeper no longer tried to curb and redirect his enthusiasm.

He was expecting the flight to run through without a hitch, as every other one had. Thirteen had been put through every area before, after all, just not following the particular route Five had mapped out for him this time around. Five had assured him he’d calculated it down to the second, boasted that if Thirteen could maintain a steady speed he could operate his side of the exercise with his eyes shut.

Five was confident, and Thirteen trusted him.

Five was confident, and he didn’t think the comm call from a fellow Agent would impact his response time in the slightest.

---

Thirteen had been given the option of a running start, or to be pushed off the ledge. He’d chosen to be pushed, if for no other reason than to see the look Five got in his eye when he shoved him backward, naked, into the yawning chasm beneath them.

There was as much glory in falling as there was in flight, and Thirteen was able to experience the best of both worlds and everything in between as Five tracked his progress from his monitor and controlled his shapeshifts to best fit the situation. A man one moment, tall and lean and fit, a brilliant beast the next, impossibly huge and brimming with strength and chaotic energy. Then small and lithe, building up speed and angling his wings and body vertically to slot through a narrow pass, feeling the change come on again as he exited the crevice at the precise moment that let him kick off the rocky wall with legs that were both humanoid and reptilian, and land with precision on a scaffolding beam overlooking one of the great unfinished Sith monuments being worked on below. Wings turned back to arms, human feet found purchase on the textured metal surface, and then he launched again, ready for the agile hawkbat shape again that would let him catch a thermal and send him once more skyward.

He was ready.

Any second now.

Five was really cutting a fine line with this one, wasn’t he?

If he wasn’t careful someone working down there was going to see-

Five Five Five where are you what are you doing that pole is coming awfully cl---

Thirteen had trusted, trusted implicitly that Five knew what he was doing, that making such a close call was all part of the exercise. He encouraged it half the time, after all, the element of danger being something they both enjoyed to a slightly irrational degree. It was impossibly difficult to believe that his Watcher would actually allow him to become skewered on a flagpole over half a klick up, even if, in the last half second, that absolutely looked to be the case. He should have reacted sooner, but the idea that Five would knowingly let him be damaged was so unthinkable… Thirteen shouted voicelessly into the rush of wind as he tried to twist away mid-air, suddenly not knowing if the plan was for him to simply keep falling or to try and grab a hold of the pole; in that half second his body contorted, shrunk down, his holler turning into an animal screech, but he was already moving wrong and the next thing he knew was a shock of pain that nearly blacked him out on the spot, and he suddenly couldn’t move.

Reflexively, he tried to flap away, but only one wing was moving and that action blistered so much agony through his chest that he immediately gave up and hung limp, only for the pressure of sagging in place to become rapidly unbearable as well. He wrapped his good wing around the post, clung desperately for purchase with his legs and beak, and waited while stars spun in his vision.

---

“Well make sure you send it along as soon as y-“

Five stared at his tracking screen and immediately ended the call as his heart leapt into his throat.

Thirteen had stopped moving.

Why had he stopped moving? For a few furious seconds Watcher Five’s eyes, wide with unprecedented uncertainty, roved his monitoring equipment. The shift had gone through successfully, all of his Cipher’s readings demonstrated that he’d reacted properly to the implant’s signals, his heart rate was up though and his…

Five didn’t bother looking any further to try and determine remotely what might be wrong. He was in his speeder in a heartbeat, traveling at a speed that would earn a six digit fine to anyone else in any other circumstance. And he knew; he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’d made an error, that he’d let his attention lapse for a few crucial seconds, that he’d cut it too fine and he’d triggered Thirteen’s change too late. He knew, when he saw his precious hawkbat wrapped around a flagpole, that it was his fault. Shame and loathing twisted his insides into churning acid, and as he set his speeder to hover his hands were shaking. Thirteen’s normally green eyes were bright, solid silver, and he thrashed and cried out and hooked his beak into Five’s hands as his Watcher attempted to pry him free. His beautiful sleek body patterned in purple and gold was wet and red, and Five realised that the pole had gone through him twice, one of his wings wrenched and twisted and stuck taut behind him.

Five realised that pulling the bat free was not an option, not if he wasn’t going to bleed out in the time it took to get him to the med labs.

It almost took too long to laser cut through the top of the flagpole as it was, and there was smoke pouring from underneath Five’s speeder when he skidded up to the landing pad outside Intelligence headquarters, bowling the taxi droid clean over the edge.

Guilt was not an emotion Five knew how to handle particularly well, and in the days that followed he was absolutely intolerable. His temper was hot, and his was just as quick with his fist as he was with the sharp edge of his tongue. He made sure that the recruit who’d commed him during the training exercise was fired, for perfectly sound and unrelated reasons. The Fixer who’d asked too many questions about what had happened found themselves stationed on Balmorra for seventeen months. The workers in the expansion district, upon whom Five had officially laid blame for the incident in his report, found themselves with pages of new documents to fill at the commencement of every day’s work outlining all of their communication relays, so that their signals wouldn’t ‘interfere’ with Intelligence work ever again. The project manager who argued about it being a waste of time had a nasty fall the following week.  Keeper finally agreed to Five’s insistence that they fast-track development of a system that allowed the Ciphers to control their implants internally, and Thirteen was to be the first fitted with the new tech.

Thirteen himself was left wanting for absolutely nothing during his recovery in Five’s Citadel apartment.

And Watcher Five’s comm was set to silent. Never again was it answered during any mission in which he was overseeing Thirteen’s work… not that he had to, after long. Balmorra was getting awfully full of recruits who’d tried to contact Five at the wrong time.

[ @halibellecter​, ask and ye shall receive! Five, of course, is my horrible character and Thirteen belongs to @askshivanulegacy​ who maintains all right to veto/retcon as necessary! These guys exist in our werewolf au where Imperial Intelligence has some very specialised technology and procedures for their top Cipher agents. Five and Thirteen are the best of the best of the best, sir, with honours... which means that for anyone on the other side of the conflict (or, frankly, on the other side of Five’s moods) they are the absolute worst. ]

[bella-gunn]

More Blue Exorcist conspiracy theories!

I apologize, first thing for this "Wall-O-Text"(tm), anyone who knows me reasonably well knows I have a lot of thoughts that turn into mountains of words.

Unfortunately I still haven't found a way to toggle from rich text to html on my phone app (if such a thing is even possible). I do pretty much everything with my phone, so I'm sorry, no pretty text cut here.

Without further ado...

yuri-egin-123 asked some fantastic questions and this is my humble attempt to answer them, theoretically.

"...going back to Yuri's past, when Rin first saw satan, did Satan feel it? because it has already been proven that Rin can feel powerful demons nearby and Satan also in chapter 107. Now, does Satan know that Rin has been in the past?"

Rin is powerful, true, but I don't think Satan would have noticed Rin for two really good reasons and one kind of theoretical reason.

Good reason #1:

Satan is incredibly arrogant. He can sense all demons, weak and powerful, but frankly he doesn't care because he knows he far out classes anyone else. So it doesn't make sense for him to take special notice of Rin in all the mess of demonic activity around him.

Good reason #2:

Rin is powerful, but he isn't more powerful than Lucifer, Mephisto, Egyn, Iblis and Asteroth, who are also in close proximity to Satan. Mephisto has been acting as Rin's personal tour guide, even Lucifer has ignored Rin in Mephisto's presence and they were in the same room practically face to face.

Theoretical reason:

Satan may not be able to tell the difference between Rin and his own power. The other demons respond to Rin's power just like it's Satan's, until Rin asserts control over his flames there is even some concern that they are actually Satan's flames. So I think it's unlikely that Satan would notice Rin because he would feel familiar and "same".

What. An. Ass.

"...and in question the shiemi, at first I thought she was a clone of Shemihaza but nevertheless in chapter 99.5 they said "your mother awaits". I do not think Shemihaza is the mother of Shiemi, maybe Shiemi is Shemihaza herself, do not you think?"

I agree with you 100%; I do not think Shemihaza is Shiemi's mother in the traditional sense. It's clear there is a connection between Shiemi's birth and Shemihaza but I think it is less direct than Shiemi being a Shemihaza clone.

As far as Shiemi being Shemihaza let's examine what we already know from the story so far.

There are two upper demon ranks, the Baal and the Sol, Satan is above all.

The Baal are the 8 demon kings, the Sol are the emperors of nothingness and creation, Armumahel and Shemihaza respectively.

The most recent chapter has given us suprising information; Armumahel is the source for holy water. Armumahel's influence "hollows out" humans, eventually making them "soul less", his influence on demons seems to cut their spiritual connection to Assaiah, sending them back to Gehenna.

This is wild, the whole thing from holy water to the experimental Illuminati weapons had me thinking:

If this is the power of nothingness made manifest in the material realm of Assiah, then what would the power of creation do!?

I have been turning this over in my mind since the Grigori representative called Shemihaza interacted with Lucifer in section 13.

Lucifer acknowledges the Grigori representative as Shemihaza but also appeals to their humanity. It is apparent the the Grigori representative was at one time human, but has put aside their humanity to take on the role of actually being Shemihaza in reality. This is no mere playacting, all signs point the the Grigori representative of Shemihaza as being a manifestation of Shemihaza.

Certainly there is some limitation, Shemihaza the Grigori isn't all powerful, but she is certainly well respected by Lucifer, who only respects power greater than his own.

Then there is the matter of Shemihaza the Grigori's seemingly unaging enterouge of obviously related people. They are all different shapes and sizes but they have very strong common traits, traits that are shared with the Lucifer clones.

Which brings me back to the question of Shemihaza's power in Assiah.

Creation much like Nothingness are broad concepts, without indulging in much philosophical navel gazing, I think the most obvious power of Shemihaza in Assiah would be making something exist spiritually that didn't exist before, perfectly opposed to and balanced with Armumahel's power to erase something spiritually from material reality.

As we learned from Reiji Shiratori and numerous other reminders, demons possess things that are spiritually aligned to themselves. It's somewhat problematic for the higher ranking demons, especially the kings, there is difficulty finding someone who is compatible, then they have the issue of their power destroying their host body.

So the section 13 researchers had two problems to solve:

1. Make the body resilient to demonic power.

2. Make the spirit compatible with the demon who will take possession.

The first problem was solved by taking tissue samples from Lucifer, Samael and Azazel, the three most powerful of the Baal.

It is obvious by the massive scale of the project, the images of the rows of birthing tables and cribs, that they tried surrogacy initially. It doesn't seem like that approach was entirely effective as they had begun using cloning vats/cylinders (Lucifer still uses that method currently so that indicates that it was a later and more successful method).

Out of the hundreds of clones there were only two successful clones (as in they suppoted posession): Ambrosius, a clone of Samael who was spontaneously possessed by Amaimon. There is some subtle indication Mephisto meddled, Amaimon certainly seems to owe him for something.

The other was Goro, the Azazel clone who was eventually possessed by Satan. Goro was not a perfect clone, he was damaged (if we go by Shiro's reactions) and was ultimately put in a semi vegetative state in a cloning vat because of his regenerative abilities.

There is something about that which is off putting to me. I kept getting hung up on the idea that this clone, Goro, who was essentially fully developed was placed in a vat and he didn't decay, didn't degrade. Bodies don't work that way, they begin to adapt to their environment on a cellular level, his skin at least would have been extremely damaged from years of submersion and any liquid medium he could have been placed in that would arrest that process is not conducive to keeping him alive.

With the revelation of where holy water came from it smacked me in the face; the liquid in the cloning vats is derived from Shemihaza.

This "water" derived from Shemihaza may be the base of the "elixer" and a sort of fountain of life but I wouldn't be in a hurry to fill up a cup! At best it is very unpredictable and difficult to control such a broadly active substance, after all you would want to grow new cells at a controlled pace, otherwise you end up with something cancerous like and truly monstrous. Michael Gedouin and all those poor people he experimented on are a cautionary tale.

Also, it seems that long term exposure to Shiemihaza's "water" may have the opposite effect of Armumahel's "water" and make things in Assiah more susceptible to possession.

Of course this is conjecture, there is nothing in the book that says I'm right, but it makes sense and explains why Shemihaza, the Grigori, is so involved in something as reprehensible as section 13.

Granted, the entire Grigori would have needed to approve and be involved with the project to some extent but we never see the other two, only Shemihaza.

Shemihaza is also deeply invested in Lucifer's decision and the outcome of the project in a way that indicates personal interest, which makes sense if you consider the spiritual and emotional connection of being the source of life for all those poor clones as well being, well, the Emperor of Creation. Even the misshapen more demonic clones that Lighting and Sugaro encountered would have been her progeny.

Going back to Shiemi, she shares certain characteristics with the Lucifer clones, namely blond hair, green eyes, a mysterious past and amnesia. Shemihaza's entourage identifies as her family so there is s very real possibility that Shiemi is a successful clone, not necessarily for Lucifer, but to be the next Shemihaza.

I think Mephisto was hiding her in plain sight, as it were, to keep her out of Lucifer's hands until the time was right for her to be brought to Shemihaza. She seems to have some disordered memories from her early childhood that relate to the garden she is taken to so it is very likely she was never in section 13. It is possible Shiemi was created directly by Shemihaza in the garden, which would explain the mother comment and her inclination towards growing things.

So I posit that Shiemi was created by Shemihaza, possibly from the Lucifer clone lineage, to be the replacement for Shemihaza the Grigori.

She is already most of the way to being able to channel Shemihaza, which she demonstrates by manifesting a forest to contain Rin just after his immolation. Obviously Mephisto knows something about it (poor Amaimon doesn't figure it out until it's too late for him to make a real marriage proposal, lol) and Shiemi's mom knows something because she told Sheimi enough for her to be prepared when the Grigori representatives came for her (very creepy people by the way, just a shade too perfect to be entirely human).

It will be interesting to see where things go but what really has me twisted up right now was Lucifer's casual demonstration that he has perfected the cloning method.

Up to this point we have operated under the assumption that the elixer was the only thing sustaining him and all of his efforts were going towards the creation of viable clones.

Now we know that not only does he have perfect clones for himself (which implies he appeared before Mephisto in a compromised body as strategy to keep Mephisto from knowing how effective his cloning process is) but he also has been collecting demons with regeneration abilities and is planning on cloning a body for Satan.

I have so many questions about this.

Satan seems to think his perfect body is running around, inconveniently occupied by his demon son, and would like to take it. But he is hanging around with his wimpy human son for some reason. Yukio is immune to the flames, all flames, has a temptaint so bad it's a wonder he wasn't posessed by a demon years ago except that he can't be possesed...

What do they want with Yukio?

Even better, why the hell did Lucifer give Yukio the Armumahel guns?

I think the answer is twofold.

They, Mephisto and Lucifer, are setting Rin and Yukio up for a showdown, a sort of battle by proxy.

Mephisto and Lucifer are playing chess to determine the fate of the world because they cannot fight each other directly.

So Rin and Yukio are pawns that are poised to become queens on the board.

My magic 8 ball says "as I see it, yes":

*Yukio will confront Rin, because Rin can't let Yukio go.

*When that happens Yukio will use the Armumahel guns and damage or partially remove Rin's soul; in that moment of weakness Satan will have his opportunity to possess Rin.

*Yukio will immediately realize he has fucked up and will try to fix his mistake by killing Satan, or at least removing him from Rin as much as possible.

*More Armumahel gun action......

If everything goes Mephisto's way Satan wil be reduced to a shade of his original power and banished back to Gehenna (serves him right for being such a prick and dropping a helicopter on Mephisto's head), Lucifer will have to concede defeat and back down as per their wager.

If everything goes exceptionally well Rin's soul may even be restored to his body (I have a feeling Shiemi would have something to do with that).

But either way the balance would be restored and Assiah would be preserved.

If Lucifer gets his way Rin's soul is forfeit, Yukio is a way more fucked up Abel than the original bible story, Satan gets his groove on, Samael has to step back, allowing Satan and Lucifer remake reality unopposed.

I think the reason why Lucifer needs Satan is because Lucifer has the power to collapse everything back to the moment of creation but that's the best he can do on his own.

Essentially that is suicide.

He threatened it before, when he was trapped in a decaying shell, unwilling to allow himself to return to Gehenna. But now that he has a viable means of sustaining himself, and Satan has entered the picture, his plans haven't changed so much as they have shifted.

He still wants to end suffering but now he wants to remake the world, not destroy it, and to do so he needs Satan's power.

To Mephisto, destroy to create anew or destroy permanently, is all the same. Everything that makes him demon king of Space and Time, everything that makes him himself will cease to exist. He *has* to oppose Lucifer's plans, to do otherwise is to negate his own existence, which is something Mephisto is not capable of.

@yuri-egin-123 , thanks again!

Which is cool by me, otherwise this story would have been over before it began!

[the-cookie-of-doom]

Some Thots on Black Sails Season 3 Episode 9 

Here’s part of Eleanor’s speech to Vane in the fort, after he again confronts her with the truth that she refuses to hear. That her father was just as much a monster as any of them, that Vane was the one man in her life that actually did love her, and that she will betray anyone and everyone as soon as it suits her purposes. Suddenly in the wake of her father’s death, she thinks he was a good man. I think she has to believe that, because it’s the only way she can live with herself, now that she’s become worse than he ever was. She’s whitewashed her memory, and Vane is plainly stripping that away from her. 

"You can't comprehend what you took from me, or what it was good, because there is no goodness in you. There is no humanity in you. No capacity for compromise, nor instinct towards repair, nor progress. Nor forgiveness. You are an animal."

I like Vane. He’s a terrible person for most of Season 1, and probably into Season 2 (Although the only thing I take issue with is what he did to Max, honestly.), and he’s selfish and self-serving through everything up to this point. everyone in this show is. Everyone is serving their own ends. But the difference? Eleanor is the only one that lies about it. 

So, lets dissect this speech of hers, with the last scene that we saw with Vane, when he was captured. Cut because this will likely get long. 

1. No goodness in him. 

The most complicated argument, for sure. But I would say through season 2 and 3, he’s starting to show quite a bit of goodness. As demonstrated by the next points. 

2. No humanity

Vane is brimming with humanity, and I think he hates it, because in the beginning it was a hinderance to him. Now he’s leaning into it. The first example that comes to mind is with the slaves put to work at the fort. He can’t stand it. You can see it tearing him apart, Jack even tells him he didn’t give Vane the truth of the hunt because he was trying to protect him, knowing how much it would kill him. Vane tries to work alongside them, maybe as some kind of penance, punishing himself for his part in this and, perhaps, to show they aren’t alone. 

Another good example is the first prize he takes with Blackbeard, and the dying Spaniard. Vane allows him the dignity of least dying upright, fetches him some rum, and listens to his story, and is very clearly touched by it. 

3. No capacity for compromise or repair

From the very beginning, Vane has been forced into quite a few compromises, actually. In the beginning he resisted. But as the show progresses, so does Vane, and he learns to accept compromise. Hell, season 3 starts with the biggest compromise he’s ever made, becoming partners with Jack and Flint for the better of Nassau. ( Which is a great lead in to the next point...)

Vane burned his bridge with Jack. Max bribed him into fixing it, but he clearly has put in work to repair things further, rather than leaving it with their awkward “reconciliation”. At first, it was an act. Now? It’s genuine. Vane cares for Jack, defended him to Blackbeard as the only one that would stand up and defend him. 

4. No capacity towards progress or forgiveness. 

Let’s talk about forgiveness first. Once again, Vane forgave Jack and Anne. He even forgave Max, to enough of an extent to continue working with her. He put his past with Flint behind him. I think he would even be willing to forgive Eleanor if she could just swallow her pride and apologize to him, because for some god-forsaken reason, he still loves her. 

But progress. Vane’s entire character arc has been about making progress. And the biggest mark in that progress is standing with Flint to defend Nassau. The place that he’d previously been perfectly content to let burn, because he couldn’t give less of a fuck about it. In the beginning, Vane was willing to defend Nassau because it’s what Eleanor wanted. Now? He defends Nassau for the sake of what it is. 

Now, let’s look at this as a case of projection. 

Since the very beginning, Eleanor has served her own interests, against the guidance of others. She ignored key advice to do what she wanted. In the beginning, we were rooting for her. She was supporting Flint, because their interests were aligned, so of course we want her to buck the apparent system. 

But then we begin to see that her ideals and Flint’s diverge. She wants to civilize Nassau; Flint wants the same, but he doesn’t want the crown to do it. He wants to establish his own colony free from colonial rule. 

Eleanor doesn’t compromise. She either gets her way, or she makes everyone regret refusing to give it to her. The only time she “compromises”, is when it still works in her favor. Such as when she deposed Vane because of what he and his crew did to Max, and then lifted her ban as soon as it became clear she couldn’t maintain her power otherwise. Sure, she looked so sad and hurt about it, because what about Max, what will this mean to her if she reinstates Vane. Fucking nothing. It means nothing, because Eleanor is the one that tipped over that first domino. So what does it matter if this is just another one that falls in line? 

Eleanor has no humanity. We are shown again and again that she will align herself with people, use them to meet her ends, and throw them away as soon as it’s convenient. She didn’t even try to ask Vane to come with her, rather than stay and face certain death with his crew. She didn’t try to compromise with him when he promised he would make things right with them, without her needing to leave him for dead. 

Eleanor has the chance to repair her relationship with Max countless times. Every time, she finds away to vindictively attack her, and claim it’s for Max’s benefit. Just giving her helpful advice, of course. Not trying to cut in all the ways she knows will hurt. 

Eleanor has no intentions for progress. What she’s advocating for in Nassau is a regression. A return back to colonial rule. True progress would be leaving Nassau to self-govern, establishing it as a self-sustaining state outside the rule of the crown. Exactly what Flint has been trying to do from the beginning. Eleanor doesn’t want that because a self-sustaining Nassau doesn’t answer to her. And above all else, all she cares about is maintaining her power. Nassau can burn so long as she gets to reign as queen over the ashes. 

[precuredaily]

Precure Day 150

Episode: Yes! Precure 5 02 - “Full Throttle Passion, Cure Rouge!” Date watched: 2 October 2019 Original air date: 11 February 2007 Screenshots: https://imgur.com/a/xjAlUBg Project info and master list of posts: http://tinyurl.com/PCDabout

Ah, man, what a good episode. We learn a bit more about Nozmi and Rin’s bond, about Coco’s past, and about the villains. Plus there’s some great character beats. It’s still kind of a dense episode like last time but since it’s not introducing everything there’s some room to enjoy the moment. Let’s start!

The Plot

Nozomi can’t wait to tell Rin about becoming a superhero but Rin thinks she’s just playing around and is a little concerned at how spacey she’s being. Nozomi continues to insist that she’s telling the truth as they wait for class when Coco, in his human form, walks in, introduces himself as Kokoda Kouji, and announces he’ll be their homeroom teacher for a while.

(Notably, his family name basically amounts to “It’s Coco”, or you can derive “Coco” from the first syllable of each name)

After class, Nozomi drags him outside, and he explains that he wanted to stay close to her for the sake of Precure. Rin overhears this and asks what’s going on, so Coco explains to both of them about his homeland which has been devastated by the Nightmare Corporation, and how he needs the Dream Collet to restore it. Rin is understandably skeptical, but after Coco accidentally transforms back into his true form in front of her, she begins to believe his story. Nozomi asks her to become a Precure with her but Rin declines.

At the same time as this is happening, we get to see Nightmare headquarters for the first time: a giant, spooky skyscraper. Girinma announces to his boss that he’s found the Dream Collet but it slipped through his hands. The boss, Bunbee, mocks him and tells him that he needs to find the Collet for the sake of their boss, Despariah. 

Back in the classroom, Komachi and Karen come looking for Nozomi to ask her what happened in the library the other day, but Rin tells them she isn’t around. Later Rin flashes back to a time when she and Nozomi were young children, and Nozomi got hurt. Her worry is that Nozomi is impulsive and will hurt herself without Rin’s help. Nozomi also recounts the event to Coco, explaining that with Rin’s help she was able to forget the pain and keep moving forward. Coco segues this into an explanation that his best friend is trapped in the Dream Collet, and they need all 5 Precures gathered to release him, as well as to gather all 55 Pinkies to make a wish and restore the Palmier Kingdom. A Pinky happens to show up right there, but Girinma has been antagonizing Rin, chasing her to where the pair are, and Rin begs Nozomi to stay out of this Precure business, it’s too dangerous and she’ll get more than just hurt. Nozomi, however, is confident now, and tells Rin to watch her as she fights for Coco’s dream. She transforms into Cure Dream and begins to fight Girinma,

At the same time, Urara is sitting on a bench, practicing her lines: “I don’t want to put my friend in danger.” At that moment, a red butterfly flies past her, and her curiosity gets the better of her, so she follows it.

On the battlefield, Girinma has turned a lamppost into a Kowaina and uses it to grab Dream while taunting Rin for being scared, as he says that this is what happens to the fearless. Rin flashes back to her childhood again, this time she and Nozomi were walking down the street at night when a large bird flew in front of them and spooked Rin. Nozomi wishes the fear away and helps Rin stand up and keep walking. Rin says that of course she’s scared of the monsters, but what she’s most afraid of is losing Nozomi, her best friend, and she wants to do anything to help her now! At that moment, the butterfly appears and lands on Rin’s wrist, transforming into another Pinky Catch and allowing Rin to transform into Cure Rouge! Rouge battles Girinma, insisting that she and Nozomi have always been together, and will be together forever, and then launches her special attack at him: Precure Rouge Fire. This takes the form of a butterfly trailing a rope of fire, and it knocks Girinma into the Kowaina, freeing Nozomi and allowing her to use her finisher to destroy it.

Girinma retreats, the girls reconcile, and Rin says being Precure was too dangerous to let Nozomi do it alone. The Pinky is still around and Coco instructs Nozomi in how to catch it in great detail.

DX Pinky Catch in stores now, only ¥2000

As the two girls and Coco celebrate their victory, we see that Urara was spying on them from behind some bushes, and she asks out loud to herself “What’s a ‘Precure’?” DUN DUN DUN.

The Analysis

Rin is my favorite character in Yes 5, which is why she’s my avatar while I work through this series. This episode really demonstrates what I like about her: she’s very down-to-earth, kind of snarky, and gives Nozomi a lot of crap, but it’s because she truly cares about her and Nozomi isn’t exactly a clear thinker. She worries about her friend, and worries that she’s overstepped herself. Rin was surprised to see how Nozomi had matured without her realizing it, because she met Coco and found something to work towards, but she was still getting into trouble, so when Rin saw the extent of the danger she was in, she couldn’t do anything but to save her friend. Remember this down the road.

This is our first proper introduction to the Nightmare Corporation in their natural setting. Unlike the ANCIENT EVIL of the last three seasons, Nightmare is just a business, and their business model includes opportunities for advancement and presumably higher pay. Instead of being destroyed, failure means termination. Their secret base isn’t a cave in an alternate dimension, it’s a conference room in an office building, and the board is made of a bunch of people with Kowaina masks on.

Since the major theme presented so far is finding and chasing your dreams, having an oppressive corporation as the villain faction makes an interesting foil and a very interesting commentary on Japanese society, where conformity is everything and corporate employees are often expected to work brutally long hours at the detriment of their health.

We get to see just how much of a dreamer Nozomi really is in this episode. As soon as Coco says he wanted to watch over her at school, she blushes and assumes he means he wants to date her, which she’s certainly amenable to. Then, in a gag that results in him falling on top of her in a compromising position, she blushes deeply before pushing him off and declaring that she has a very specific plan for her first kiss: under a Christmas tree with her boyfriend. (remember this!)

Another good gag is that Urara has a penchant for reading scripts that tie in quite nicely to whatever is happening at that time. In episode 1 she reads “You have to find your own path yourself!” right as Nozomi is running by wondering what she should do with her life, and in this episode she says “I don’t want to put my friend in danger” at precisely the moment Rin is thinking that about Nozomi. I don’t remember this gag from my previous viewings of the show so I’ll be eager to see how frequently it happens. 

Speaking of her, I really like how they keep the other cures-to-be involved in the show before they actually get to transform. Urara is usually sitting alone, practicing her lines when someone or something comes along that grabs her attention. This is how she wound up spying on Nozomi and Rin’s fight, and will play into her becoming a cure. Komachi and Karen are also fun. They were baffled by the magically restoring library the previous day and want to ask Nozomi for an explanation. Their slightly different reactions betray their personalities: Karen is concerned about the wellbeing of the school and students with unexplained phenomena occurring, while Komachi views supernatural events as an exciting change of pace. Karen calls her “curious” for that, but Komachi says she prefers the term “inquisitive”. She’s similar to Honoka in that regard. Anyway, since it’s still a few episodes before either of them gets to transform, I’m glad that the writers thought up a natural way to have them around and incorporate them into the story, which makes it more natural when they do finally get to go. There have been shows that basically introduced the new cure the same week as her first transformation, not counting pinks for obvious reasons, so going back and seeing a show where they laid the groundwork is retroactively refreshing.

It’s interesting to me that despite being nearly 20 years old the first time I watched Yes 5, I didn’t really recognize how blatant the product placement was. The Dream Collet is clearly a toy, although unlike some artifacts from the previous seasons it at least looks like it could reasonably be a sacred artifact from a mystical civilization. The Pinky Catches are fairly small toys compared to the phones of the last three shows, being essentially large digital watches, or wrist-mounted v-pets. I always thought the fact that you have to open the glass cover to transform was a little weird but it’s not the end of the world. What really gets me, in the sense of “how did I not realize they were peddling toys”, is the bit at the end where Coco gives Nozomi a very detailed lesson on how to catch a Pinky, which for all intents and purposes is just opening the lid to the watch, shaking her wrist around, and then closing the lid. I assume there were some interactive elements in the toy where you could play with the captured Pinky but I don’t really know. Within the show, opening the lid gives Coco an instrument to lure the Pinky over to the Precure catching it. For Nozomi, this episode, it’s a bell. I don’t remember if it changes by cure or by Pinky or what so we’ll find out together.

Catching 55 Pinkies constitutes our Macguffin quest of the year, but since there are so many of them, each individual one isn’t a major event like the Prism Stones, Heartiels, or getting seven Miracle Drops and I’m pretty sure a lot of them get caught offscreen after a while. So far they’ve done a good job of not making it seem like the Pinkies are the be-all end-all of the plot.

I would be remiss if I neglected to mention that Rin’s seiyuu is Takeuchi Junko, who notably voiced Kenta in Splash Star immediately preceding this, but is probably most notable for being the voice of Naruto. Rin’s voice is a little higher pitched than in those other roles, which I assume is closer to Takeuchi’s natural speaking voice.

Additionally, Girinma is voiced by legendary seiyuu Nobuyuki Hiyama. His list of credits is extraordinarily long but he’s recognizable for his high-pitched voice. Notable other parts include Freezen in the second Max Heart film, Viral in Gurren Lagann, and Ikkaku in Bleach. Something I like about Girinma that I almost forgot to discuss is how he sounds very sly and confident when speaking to the girls, but pitiful when facing Bunbee. He stammers a lot in the office because he’s afraid. Also, his name is derived from kamakiri, the word for a praying mantis. Now you know!

Also there was a funny Kamen Rider reference near the beginning and that pleases my toku-loving heart.

I do want to talk about the music, and the clothes: both school uniforms and Precure outfits, but I will save those for a later post. Next time, things are going to get lively and lemon-scented as Urara takes center stage. Look forward to it!

Pink Precure Catchphrase Count: 1 kettei!