#i changed one of my days because it was for my goddaughter

[pomfiores]

yea, im not a fan of my days off being separated. it’s not giving living la viva loca.

[really-fanny-longbottom]

Never Yours

Pairings: Azriel x Reader, Azriel x Elain, Lucien x Reader

Summary: Azriel never regretted his decisions so much like he does right now.

Warnings: Angst (like a lot), fluff (also a lot because we need a balance)

Words: 6.1k

You were born in Day Court during the longest and the warmest day of the year: Summer Solstice. Even though it's not a custom to exchange gifts on that holiday, your parents always told you that you were their greatest gift and that the sun shined brighter that day like he knew that you would be entering this world very soon. 

Your father was Helion's best and longest friend, and he had a place in his Court as his second in command and advisor. Your mother was the lead healer of the Court. She was one of the most powerful and talented healers of Prythian, being a very close second to Madja. 

Due to your parents' jobs, you grew up in the Day Court Palace and close to Helion, who didn't just happen to be your High Lord but also your godfather. 

Your parents reconsider that maybe making Helion your godfather had been a mistake because of how much he spoiled you. On your 4th birthday, he gave you a black baby pegasus as a present, which you decided to name him Blackjack. When he discovered that you liked reading, he had a private library built in your room with all kinds of books. When you were seven and heard an old male saying that females should only wear dresses, you only wore pants for the next three months and of course, Helion made sure you had every type of pants at your disposal. 

When your parents tried to scold him, he just scoffed with his only response being, "She's my goddaughter. What else am I supposed to do?" with a big grin plastered in his face.

You weren't Helion's child, but he always treated you like one, and that never changed, especially after your parents' death. 

Your favorite thing about your parents was their mating bond. After you learned that mates are rare and a blessing, it made every single thing about your parents' love even more unique and pure.

You saw first hand what true love is really like. You saw how much they loved, cared, supported, and protected each other. You saw loyalty and honesty in their deepest forms. Seeing your parents' mating bond made you wish to the stars for a mate, and that one day, you would be blessed enough to find him. 

But you also saw how deep a mating bond could go. You saw it first hand, too.

You saw it when your mother died after getting infected by a rare disease while trying to help her patients. Her death destroyed your father. The pain and the grief of losing your mother, his mate, and the love of his life were so big that your father followed her into the next life a few days later, so they could start their next journey together.

Before he died, your father made Helion promise him that he would take care of you, which he agreed without hesitation. He became more protective of you. He couldn't stop thinking how unfair it was for you to lose your parents at such a young age, only eleven years old, when Helion had them for centuries.

Your godfather made sure to provide you with anything you needed from the best education to the best clothes and when your healing powers start manifesting and you decide to follow your mother's steps, Helion called in a favor to Thesan to see if he could teach you himself. The High Lord of Dawn was happy to accept, and so were you at the thought of having him as your teacher.

You moved to Dawn Court for a year where you learned everything about being a healer, not only with the High Lord himself but also with his best healers. 

You became one of the best: talented, powerful, gifted, and wise. Just like your mother.

Madja was looking for an apprentice at the time you returned to Day, and when she heard about your skills, she asked for you. Rhysand reached out to Helion with Madja's offer: you would be her apprentice, work in the clinic with her but you would also assist her if she ever needed to go to a patient's residence, and would learn everything she could teach you. 

It wasn't needed to convince you to agree. You had heard about Madja and her healing, after Thesan, she was the healer you wanted to work with the most, so of course you were more than happy to have a chance to have her as your mentor. Rhysand added that you would be welcome to stay in one of his personal residences, the House of Wind, during your time in Velaris.

You were only supposed to stay in the Night Court for a year, but that was before you met the Shadowsinger. 

However, despite wanting the apprenticeship more than anything, if you had known what would happen when you agreed to go to the Night Court, you would never have accepted the offer.

-

Azriel couldn't sleep.

No matter how much he tried, he couldn't. Not with tomorrow so close, not when he knew what was waiting for him in the morning. 

The past was haunting him tonight, his thoughts hadn't stopped since he had been informed earlier of tomorrow's meeting. So now, here he was, trying to keep his eyes open even though his body was protesting for him to do the opposite.

But he was fighting that need because every time he closed his eyes, you were all he saw. Your beautiful face with your sparkling eyes, your smooth hair, your pointy ears, your sweet voice, and your soft laughter. You were haunting his thoughts like a punishment for all those years ago. 

So all he could do now was to sit on the edge of his balcony with his legs hanging off while waiting for the sun to be born, and remember how things used to be before he destroyed everything.

 -

Everything was perfect in the beginning. Velaris was beautiful, the people were kind, and the pastries were absolutely delicious. 

The only thing you actually missed, besides Helion, was the warmth of the sun like no other Court had but the Day Court. But that was just the Day citizen in you talking.

Your apprenticeship was going amazing. You and Madja had instantly connected, and you were learning so much. Two weeks later, you were already attending your own patients without supervision. You really had a gift, and every time Madja complimented your powers, you gave all the credits to your genes, to your mom. It warmed your heart knowing that the Mother had blessed you with this part of her. In this way, it felt like she was always with you.

The House of Wind felt just like home, and you adjusted perfectly. The Inner Circle had welcomed you with open arms, and you got along with everyone. They thought you and Morrigan would be the closest of all, but they got a big surprise when it turned out to be you and Azriel.

The Shadowsinger was different from everyone you ever met. Everyone in Day was so loud, open, and extroverted. But not him. He was calm, reserved, and difficult to read, but with time, you ended up finding out that the two of you were more alike than you thought. You were able to go through the shell that Azriel had so perfectly built around him over the centuries. 

A friendship was born. Every day, Azriel would fly you to the clinic and then back to the House. You explored Velaris together and made your personal mission to try every single restaurant and bakery from the City of Starlight. 

You walked along the Sidra and even stopped once in a while to dance along the melodies that the musicians were playing. You would read together whether that was in the library, in your room, or in his. You even started training with him and sometimes, Cassian.

You became each other's person. When a day at the clinic was hard or you would lose a patient, he was there to hug and comfort you, and you found yourself doing the same for him about his missions. So you decided to take the next step and spoke about your parents' death, how much still affected you losing them.

And in that moment, Azriel realized how much trust you put in him, so he decided to return it and opened about his past, his family, and his hands. You listened to every word, cleaned every tear, and held him for as long as he needed.

You found yourself falling in love with him a little more day by day, and it only took you a few months to realize that you were completely in love.

The day the bond snapped was one of the happiest days of your life. It happened during the most beautiful celebration in the Night Court: Starfall.

Your hair was tied in a long braid that reached down to your waist, decorating the braid were small yellow daylilies. You were wearing a golden dress that fit perfectly against your sun-kissed skin. The dress had a slit on the left side that went up to the top of your thigh, a single strap held the dress on your right shoulder and when you turned around, whoever was behind you could have a perfect view of your naked back. Golden jewels rested on your ears and neck. 

You looked like a goddess, one blessed by the sun itself. You were shining just like a Day Court citizen should.

Azriel standed next to you in the balcony while gazing at the spirits passing. Both of your hands rested on the stone of the balcony, and when you went to adjust your hand, it brushed against Azriel's. At the new feeling, you looked up to find his eyes, only to see the Shadowsinger already looking at you. In that moment, with the touching of your hands and the meeting of your eyes, the world stopped.

Your hands start interviewing, and everything else just disappeared.

It was just the two of you and the sound of your heartbeats. And then, a golden thread appeared and started tying your hearts and souls.

Azriel held your free hand and pressed it against his own chest, right where his heart laid. You followed his action, freeing your intertwined hands and putting his hand on your chest, above your heart. 

With the final loop of the golden thread around your hearts, Azriel bent down and kissed you. 

That moment couldn't be more beautiful and magical even if you tried. You had finally found the mate that you had wished to the stars all those years ago. 

Everything was perfect. You had everything you wanted and more. You lived in a beautiful city that you learned to love and were starting to call it home. You had the job of your life, working alongside one of your idols. Amazing friends that made you feel welcomed and part of a little family. And finally, your mate, the male you were in love with, long before that beautiful and sacred golden thread. Everything was perfect.

But of course, nothing lasts forever. And all of that disappeared when Elain Archeron came into the picture.

-

Ten years. He couldn't believe that much time had passed. All those years without you.

It had been ten years since the last time he saw you. Ten years since he had heard something regarding you. Ten years since he had broken your heart. And ten years since he had made the biggest mistake of his entire existence.

You had moved back to Day Court after that day, after what happened and after what he did. 

The High Lord of Day had forbidden Azriel from seeing you and from trying to contact you in any way. And months later, when the rumors of a certain Shadowsinger flying above the Palace in hopes to get a glimpse of you reached his ears, Helion banned him from his Court.

Helion had always been a very charismatic and loving person. He's kind, generous, and a very good friend. He gets along with almost everyone, always joking around and laughing.  Some people may say that he's the nicest and kindest High Lord that Prythian has ever seen. 

When problems arise, he always tries to find a solution to solve them or if a solution is not possible, a way to improve them. But not this time. Not when it comes to you and his son, Lucien.

Because your heart wasn't the only one to be shattered that day, no, Lucien's heart was a victim, too. So, from that moment, everything that Helion did was to protect you and Lucien, to make sure that you felt safe, that you had space and time to heal. You thought that was ironic, considering you were a healer yourself.

Azriel's banishment wasn't the only consequence from the events of that day.

That day also cost the alliance between the Day Court and the Night Court, and when the alliance fell apart, so did Helion and Rhysand's friendship.

But Azriel wasn't the only one to blame for all of this. Elain Archeron was guilty, too. She, too, was banished from the Day Court and forbidden to contact Lucien in any way.

But unlike Azriel, Elain's actions cause far more consequences than his. 

The Autumn Court followed the same decisions as the Day Court. The banishment of Azriel and Elain and the prohibition of any kind of contact with Lucien. Eris, now the new High Lord of the Autumn Court after Beron's death, didn't take lightly to what happened to his little brother. 

The two of them had reconnected after Eris became High Lord. They talked through everything that had happened in the last centuries, made peace with their past, and decided to move forward together. Now, the brothers were inseparable and had the kind of relationship they had always wanted since they were younger. So when Eris heard what had happened, he considered those actions as a personal attack. 

He went as far as to offer Lucien the opportunity to choose the Blood Duel, which his little brother refused, saying that all of this had already caused enough pain. Eris wasn't angry just because of Lucien. He was angry because of you, too. You were the first person to give him the benefit of the doubt, the first one to not judge him, unlike the others you tried to get to know him, to be his friend and he let you. 

You were the first one to know the real Eris, to know what he hid behind the mask. Therefore, you had a special place in his heart. Even if you didn't share the same blood, you were part of his family.

But that didn't stop with Day and Autumn.  Spring joined them, too. 

Despite everything that happened and the fact that they were still working on their friendship, Tamlin's loyalty remained with Lucien. Spring had been Lucien's home for decades, and with that came a brotherhood between the two of them. 

Needless to mention that Jurian and Vassa's loyalties also remained with Lucien.

To everyone outside the situation, all of this may seem overreacted and exaggerated. But to everyone involved, it's not.

After all, you and Lucien almost died. That's what happens when a mating bond is rejected.

-

Azriel couldn't believe things had turned out this way. He was so sure that the Cauldron was wrong, that he belonged with Elain. Three sisters for three brothers. How more poetic could it be?

There were signals everywhere: Feyre with Rhysand, Nesta with Cassian, and Elain with him. Elain wouldn't go close to Lucien or talk to him, but she would sit next to him whether during dinners or on the couch, she would talk to him, and requested his company when she went to the garden or to the city. Even his shadows disappeared every time he was with her.

Weren't those signals clear enough? They were meant to be. The Cauldron was wrong. 

So Azriel did what he thought was right. He rejected the mating bond with you, and Elain did the same with Lucien. 

He never thought that the rejection of the bond would've almost cost your life.

That memory still gave him nightmares to this day. How pale you turned, how you sank to your knees with your hand pressed against your chest, tears running free down your cheeks and muffled screams leaving your lips. How much pain you had suffered and how he had been the cause of it. How once, not that long ago, he had been the reason for your smiles, laughs, and giggles.

But that memory wasn't his. It was Rhysand's. Rhys, who had to go through your mind shields, and knock you unconscious so the pain would stop and that memory led him to another memory. 

The memory of that day and the things that had followed after he shattered your heart.

-

Azriel wasn't there the moment it happened. No, he was too busy kissing Elain after admitting how much they craved each other. 

And while he kissed Elain, he felt that golden thread tying the two of you breaking and start slowly to disappear.

Nothing could have prepared him for that last memory of you when he and Elain were summoned to the River House a few hours later.

Rhys had shown him not as a courtesy but as a lesson of how much his actions can affect others. But you weren't just some other. You were his mate. Former mate. Ex-mate.

Azriel made a move to go find you. He needed to explain it to you, and he needed you to understand, but you were already gone.

Rhys told him that after you regained consciousness, Lucien took you with him back to Day Court. 

Lucien. Who you had become instantly friends with since the male's arrival in Velaris. You had treated him just like you were when you moved to the Night Court. You showed him the city, the good restaurants and the best pastries, and also told him about Helion, now that he knew the High Lord was his father and he was his Heir. You wanted him to feel like home, just like you did. 

When Azriel made his intentions clear to go to Day and find you, Rhys showed him the letter Helion had sent. The one that forbidden him from seeing you and from trying to contact you in any way. The one that also had the same indications to Elain regarding Lucien. And that if any of them tried to disobey his orders, there would be consequences.

Azriel knew of protective the male was of you and that he would do anything to protect his family, so for a split second, Azriel found himself fearing the High Lord. 

Rhysand also ordered them to stay away from the two of you, stating that they had already created enough problems and the Night Court could not afford a war with Day. 

After they left his office, Rhys sat down on his chair, trying to think how he was gonna solve this. His mind kept going back to you and Lucien. 

He was there when Lucien came for you, the red headed male was also pale and every few minutes, his hand would press to his chest in pain, his eyes were still red, probably from the tears he had shed.

Rhys knew that Helion's letter wouldn't be the only one he would receive that day. And like he was right, three more letters arrived during it. First from Autumn, then Spring and the last one from the Band of Exiles. 

Rhys passed a hand through his black hair and released a long sigh, Azriel and Elain actions had just cost four allies to the Night Court.

-

When you and Lucien arrived in Day, Helion almost fell to his knees at your sight.

You were in Lucien's arms, your eyes half open with tears still following down your cheeks. One of your hands was against your chest, rubbing small circles in a way of trying to get rid of the pain. Lucien wasn't much better.

Helion headed towards you and started examining you for injuries, but he found nothing, and when confusion made his way to his features, Lucien told him everything.

The confusion was replaced by anger, but the anger wasn't just directed towards the Shadowsinger and the middle Archeron sister. Some of it was towards himself. 

Towards himself, because seeing you like that, Helion felt that he had broken the promise he made to your dad and that this was his fault.

Without giving time for any more thoughts to fill his mind, Helion led Lucien to your room, where the Heir laid you on the bed. You had fallen asleep in his arms with your cheeks still stained. 

Lucien sat on the chair by your desk that was placed in front of your bed and said to Helion that he would stay with you. Helion gave him a firm nod, remembering that Lucien didn't have a room yet in his Palace, but he was about to fix that.

Helion didn't waste any time after making sure that the two of you were okay for now. 

He called two of his servants to prepare a room for the young Heir and went straight to his office where he wrote the letter and sent it to Rhysand.

The next week's were a complicated ones but showed that time was the best healer. 

You no longer spend the days locked in your room alone. You started to eat properly again and went back to work. Day by day, you were smiling more and sometimes making jokes.

Lucien improved as well. He decided to live in the Day Court for the time being and took his place as Helion's second in command. His relationship with Helion was also getting stronger over time. They were making up for the lost time.

But that wasn't the only thing that changed. Your relationship with Lucien also changed.

You got closer than ever, due to the fact you were the only ones who knew what the other was going through.

You found comfort in each other's presence and started spending more time together to the point where you became each other's favorite person. 

Little by little, you start helping each other heal. You started putting back together the pieces that had been broken, and the pain started slowly fading until the day that it didn't hurt anymore.

You two mended your hearts and souls, and for the first time, in a long time, you were full again.

Your friendship grew, and so did your feelings for each other.

-

Azriel couldn't believe how wrong he had been. Because the Cauldron wasn't wrong, it had never been wrong. 

He was the one who was wrong. Right from the beginning.

He and Elain had tried a relationship after yours and Lucien's departure. It worked for six months until it didn't.

Azriel questioned himself why the relationship was starting to fail and why being with Elain was starting to feel wrong.

It didn't take him too long to understand the reason. It was because she wasn't you. He found out that the reason his shadows disappear every time he was with Elain wasn't because they were destined but because they were with you. 

His shadows would leave him and Elain to go find you, like they were stating that they wouldn't betray you, that they chose you. On the day he broke up with Elain, he found his shadows in your old room, which once was filled with colors, books, paintings, and light, and now was empty, dusty, and dark. The shadows were swimming around your Starfall dress, the one you wore on the day your bond had snapped. The sight of the dress was painful, and he understood why it had been left behind.

Azriel had tried to apologize, he flew to Day Court and around the Palace trying to find you but he never did and the next day Helion sent a letter with his and Elain's banishment, making Autumn and Spring to have the same decision. 

He understood why, they were trying to protect you and Lucien, and even though he didn't have the right, he just wanted to know if you were okay. Ironic, considering he was the reason you were suffering. 

He asked Rhys several times if he knew something about you, and Rhys revealed to him that you weren't talking to him or the other members of the Inner Circle either. You had stated that it was too early and still very painful. 

So they respected your decision and kept their distance. 

That had caused Azriel's guilt to grow even more. How he wished for Nesta to still have her powers so he could go back in time and repair all of this.

The light of the sun broke his thoughts. The sun was finally making its appearance in the orange and yellow sky. 

Azriel released a long breath and looked at the clock perched on his bedroom wall. 

The morning was here, and he was only two hours away from seeing you.

-

The Inner Circle stood at the entrance of the Day Court Palace. 

Helion had lifted the banishment for this meeting with yours and Lucien consent.

Both of you said that it had been a long time and that the past should stay in the past, but that didn't mean you would be accepting any apologies today.

Koschei was on the rise again, and Prythian needed to come together once more. Right now, your past didn't matter.

The doors swung open, and the Inner Circle made their way inside. A servant led them to the conference room located in the same hallway as Helion's office on the first floor of the Palace.

They sat at the marble table while the servant informed them, "The High Lord will be here in a few minutes." Receiving a nod and a 'Thank you' from Rhysand, the servant left.

Rhys started, "Y/N and Lucien will also be in this meeting. Now, Helion was nice enough to allow the two of you back here, so do not ruin this." He finished while looking at Azriel and Elain, making them both nod their heads.

Helion entered the room, and the Inner Circle raised from their seats. The High Lord of the Day Court made his way to the head of the table. He turned to the side where Rhys, Feyre, and his Inner Circle stood at his left before offering his hand to Rhys to shake it.

Taken by surprise, Rhys needed a few seconds to process what was happening before accepting his hand. Once they had shaken hands, everyone returned to their seats, but not before Helion sent a disapproving look in Azriel's and Elain's direction.

A few minutes into the meeting, the door to the conference room opened again. And there you were. 

You were dressed in Day attire, a beautiful white dress that hugged your body, with your hair loosen and golden jewelry adorned your neck and ears. Lucien was by your side also wearing Day attire, one that matched Helion's, with your hand in his.

The Inner Circle held their breaths at your sight. It had been ten years, but all the memories came flashing back to them. 

You looked the same, but when you two approached the table, that's when they saw it and shock spread all over their faces.

Azriel couldn't believe what he was seeing. He didn't know what he was expecting to see at this meeting, but it wasn't this.

It wasn't the golden ring that you and Lucien had matching on your left hands informing him that you were married that shocked him.

It was the small and round belly that your free hand was resting on and the sweet vanilla scent that was filling the air. The scent of yours and Lucien's baby. 

"Apologies for our delay," Lucien started, then looking in your direction with a smile continued "Someone had a big appetite this morning." He ended with a laugh.

You looked at his gaze, a genuine smile on your lips. "Shut up." You whispered.

Lucien grabs the back of your chair, pulling it to give you enough space to sit. "Thank you, my love." You said while watching him taking the seat at your right, making you stay seated between him and Helion.

For the first time since you entered the room, you looked at the people in front of you. "Night Court," you greeted with a small smile. 

Feyre was the first to say "Congratulations Y/N. And Lucien." 

Lucien spoke this time. "Thank you, Feyre." He rested his hand on your belly.

"How far long are you?" Rhysand's voice reached your ears.

Looking in his direction, you answered, "23 weeks. Lucien thinks it's a girl, but I think it's a boy," you added. That made Rhys smile.

"I always took you for a boy mom." Amren's voice surprised you and couldn't help but smile at her words. "Congratulations to you two, the Mother knows you deserve it." She finished with a genuine smile.

Lucien looked at Azriel and Elain before directing his eyes to the ancient one "Yes we do. Thank you, Amren." Lucien paused for a second before turning in Helion's direction and continuing. “Let's not keep holding on to the meeting. Please go on, dad." 

Helion proceeded with the meeting, but Azriel didn't listen to a word that was said. He couldn't tear his eyes from you and Lucien. 

There was no doubt of the love you two shared, not when it was written in both of your eyes. He didn't miss Lucien caresing your belly, and pushing a strand of hair behind your ear, passing his thumb over your jaw and kissing your cheek after.

Or how you rested your right hand on top of his on your belly while your left passed through his long red hair before resting around his shoulders and your smile while doing it.

What bigger proof did he need of your love if not for the baby you were carrying? Lucien's baby, he kept telling himself. Not his. Lucien's.

Jealousy invaded his body, but there was nothing he could do. He made his decision ten years ago, and now he had to live with it.

Lost in his thoughts, he only realized the meeting was over when everyone started standing. Rhys and Helion were finishing talking, and when the doors opened one more time, Eris Vanserra walked in with a little ginger boy in his arms. He couldn't be more than five years old.

He looked exactly like Lucien, except for his eyes. Those were yours. 

Azriel's heart sank, and it sank even more a few seconds later, when the little boy spotted you and Lucien. You already had a baby and you were about to have your second.

With a big smile appearing on his sweet face, the little boy almost shouted, "Mommy! Daddy!" The boy jumped from his uncle's arms and ran to you.

You bend down and gather the happy boy in your arms before standing again and passing a hand through his ginger curls and saying, "Hi baby." You peppered his face with kisses making him laugh even more "I thought you were having fun with your uncle." You said looking at your brother in law.

Your son pouted “Uncle Eris doesn't know how to play. He onlys wants to do the boring stuff mommy.”

Everyone in the room chuckled, Eris gasped with fake hurt “Excuse me?”

“Elijah.” Lucien chuckled and said to your son after joining your side “Don't be rude to your uncle.” 

“But it’s the truth, daddy.” Elijah hid his face on your neck. 

Eris approached the little family with a smile directed to his nephew. "Sorry. I tried to keep him entertained, but he just kept asking about you two." 

Lucien noticed his older brother had paint and glitter on his white shirt and laughed at the thought of his son giving him a hard time before exclaiming, "It's alright, brother. We were about to leave anyway." 

The little boy settled in your arms and rested his head against yours, Lucien started rubbing his back when the little boy caught the sight of his grandfather and asked before anyone could stop him "Grandpa, how was the meeting with the idiots from the Night Court?" 

The room went quiet, and a few gasps escaped. At your son's words, you turned to look at Helion, now on mom's mood. "Helion! How many times do we have to tell you not to speak like that in front of him?" 

The room erupted in laughter at your statement.  The air became lighter, and Helion put his hands in surrender, promising you that it wouldn't happen again. 

You gave him an incredulous look, saying that you didn't believe him. Your son wrapped his tiny arms around your neck and rested his head on your shoulder with a yawn leaving his lips. 

You rubbed your son's back while speaking to him. "Cmon Elijah, let's leave before your grandpa comes up with a new bad word for you to learn." 

“Bad grandpa” your son agreed with you while earning new chuckles from the Night Court. 

Even though he was trying to hold his smile, Azriel failed, your son was too adorable.

You turned your gaze to the Inner Circle and gave them a smile. "It was good to see you all." 

"You too, Y/N. I missed you." Cassian replied.

Your smile stretched before telling him, "I missed you too, Cass." 

The nickname made his heart ache. Maybe there's still a chance for you to reconnect.

You turned to look behind you, meeting your husband's eyes "You're coming Lu?" 

A pink blush made its way to Lucien's cheeks "Of course, my love" The Heir looked at his father "We'll see you at dinner, dad. Night Court." He said giving the Inner Circle a small nod before joining you and wrapping his arm around your waist and giving a kiss to your now sleeping son.

Amren spoke again “See I told you were a boy mom.” A smile never leaving her face.

“You're right. If this baby happens to be a boy as well, I'm gonna be in trouble.” You replied with a arm holding your son and while the other made it's way to your belly.

“No your not, you're gonna be great.” Nesta spoke, a genuine smile on her lips “We already can see you are.” She gestured to the little boy sleeping in your arms. 

“Thank you, Nes.” You were grateful for her words.

On your way out, you met Azriel's eyes but you couldn't find the words so you simply gave him a nod with a small smile and Azriel returned the gesture.

When the door closed, Amren was the first to break the silence "Well, the Mother has a sense of humor." 

Everyone turned to look at her but she focused her gaze on Azriel and Elain "You rejected them because you believed you belonged with one another only for your relationship to fail six months later. And now," she released a laugh "your former mates found their way towards each other. Fell in love, got married, had a son and have another baby on the way. Ironic isn't it?" She said with the feline smile returning to her lips. 

It was Helion who spoke next, amusement all over his face "Indeed. I guess karma is a bitch." He sent a disapproving look one more time in the direction of the two people who almost cost him his family before exiting the room.

Amren's and Helion's words stung but Azriel knew it was nothing but the truth. He realized in that moment, that despite your life now and how things turned out, you would never forgive him.

He had lost you forever and now he had to live with regret for the rest of his life.

After all, you were no longer his. 

A/n: Thank you for reading! I'm thinking in making a general taglist so if you wish to be added let me know.

the beautiful dividers belong to @cafekitsune

[lfghughes]

I really hope you aren’t sick of dad!Trevor content cause I have a request for it 🤧

Trevor has a baby with his wife but his friends have yet to meet the baby for whatever reason so they all head over to his house and kind of joke around but also absolutely love that they are witnessing their funny and kind of insane friend finally become a father and be so nurturing and loving to his baby (and his wife ofc cause he is whipped)

a/n: i will never be sick of dad content dont you worry about that happening ever

There were a variety of perks that came with a summer baby the main one being that Trevor had a lot more time on his hands which was very much necessary with a newborn at home. The other perk? Trevor would say it was that a lot of his friends had open schedules to fly in or stop by to see his pride and joy. Having a baby changed Trevor for the better, having a baby girl made him a completely different man. He had always been goofy and down for a good time and his personality hadn’t changed but he had softened immediately.

His daughter and wife came first at all times. Those first few weeks had been slight chaos but he was loving every second of it and if anyone could thrive off chaos it was him. The season was over and he could actually be helpful around the house and with the bay. But today, today was the day that most of his friends were going to meet his little sunshine. Jamie was the first to show up at the house and well he didn’t really count as a first timer because he had come over the first week but he was a lot closer obviously.

Jack, Cole, and Quinn showed up next and right away Trevor could tell they were shocked the minute they saw him holding the small little human in his arms. “I need to hold my goddaughter right now.” Jack said, making a beeline for the baby and Trevor furrowed his eyebrows “Jack we talked about this whole godfather thing.” Trevor led the boys deeper into the house and once Jack sat down on the couch he handed off his daughter.

“You being a dad is so weird.” This time it was Cole speaking up and a small laugh came from the entrance of the room, Trevors wife walking in. “You guys should have seen him on our first day at home, he refused to put her down.” Trevor walked over, planting a kiss on her lips. “You need anything, baby?” He asked, even though it had been weeks he was still attentive as always and he didn’t see that changing ever.

Jack passed the baby off to Quinn who looked up at Trevor “Does he talk her ear off too?” A small chuckle leaving his lips because he knew the thing Trevor was best at was talking. “Oh even when I was pregnant he talked to her all night long.” Which was true because once Trevor learned that the baby would recognize his voice if he did that he started talking to her every night. This time Trevor got a hold of his daughter and the level of gentleness in his actions again shocked the boys. “He’s like a whole other man.” Jack stated to the whole room as Trevor rocked his daughter slowly.

“I was a little worried that he’d be strapping our baby to a skateboard as soon as possible but I think being a girl dad made him so much more careful.” His wife teased and Trevor rolled his eyes. “Do you hear your mommy and uncles picking on your daddy? They’re so mean to me but you’re never mean to me, it’s why you’re my favorite.” Trevor chuckled. “Maybe you boys will understand once you have a baby of your own. Life changing stuff right here.”

[morning-star-joy]

this slope is treacherous, this path is reckless

a stranger's heart without a home Chapter 11

Pairing: friends with benefits Joel x F!Reader, Post-Outbreak

Chapter Summary: A visit to your goddaughter. A moment of recollection from Joel. A familiar midnight call.

Chapter Warnings: Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI) Oral Sex (f receiving), Unprotected p in v sex, Mention of Wet Dream (m), Praise Kink, References to Grief (Mentions of Death of Reader's sister, Mentions of Tess and Sarah), Language

Wordcount: 12.6k

chapter 1 || chapter 10 || chapter 11 || masterlist

ao3 link

Being friends with Joel Miller definitely took some getting used to.

It wasn’t like a whole lot changed in your relationship. He didn’t suddenly warm up to you and tell you his entire life story along with all his hopes and dreams, and you didn’t tell him yours.

No, the shift between you was subtle. Like most developments in your relationship, you didn’t acknowledge it with words. Joel was still grumpy, and you were still bitter, but you were more content to be those things together.

In a way, being friends with Joel Miller was somehow more shocking than the idea of fucking him. But the sex didn’t stop, even with the slightly awkward adjustments you made to accommodate your budding friendship with the surly survivor.

If anything, the sex actually increased in frequency. It was a way for you to seek each other out, to spend time in each other’s company as you both still tried to figure out what this friendship meant. Instead of one of you rushing back out into the night after fucking, you’d sit together for a bit to drink whiskey or coffee in comfortable silence. 

And over the days that passed, you quickly lost track of how many drinks you owed each other.

You still made no move to break your rules. In light of your relationship shift into an actual friendship, it actually seemed like you both held onto those rules even tighter. Life had clearly not been kind to either of you, and that lingering pain that it left on the scars of your souls made it difficult to talk about anything deeper than a shallow topic.

So while you and Joel would sometimes share a word or two about developments in Jackson or frustrations on patrol, you both steered away from the harder topics. Neither of you ever directly mentioned this newfound friendship, or the similar bruises life had left you both with, the matching wounds that seemed to draw you together.

You didn’t mind not talking about it, and you were sure he didn’t care either. The company was nice, and you were a bit less lonely because of it. 

That was enough.

“What do you think?”

You looked up at the gentle words, and you smiled at Maria’s questioning gaze from where she sat next to you. Afternoon light filtered through the windows of the kitchen as she sipped from the mug of tea in her hands, a similar mug in your own hands, though yours was held awkwardly with the splint still on your wrist.

“It’s good.” You nodded, looking back down at your drink, swirling the russet-colored liquid around. “Must’ve been hell to grow it.”

Maria laughed, tapping a finger against her mug as she assented with a slight nod.

“It took time,” she admitted, placing the mug down on the low center counter you were sitting at. “I’m trying to bring more familiar comfort into Jackson—even if it takes a little time, and more than a little hard work.”

Your gaze softens as you watch the woman speak. Maria always talked of Jackson with so much passion. It was easy to tell how much she loved the community; how dedicated she was to not only keep it functional, but to make it a home for the people who lived here.

“You’re doing amazing, Maria,” you said softly, smiling at her even as she gave you a familiar look that said not to push the flattery. “I’m being honest. You do more than enough for this town.”

“Alright,” Maria sighed as she leaned back in her seat, stretching her arms across her chest. “I didn’t invite you here to inflate my ego.”

“No,” you said slowly as you jerked your head towards the stairs, leading to the second floor where you could hear a crying baby that you knew Tommy must be trying to calm down. “You invited me so you wouldn’t go crazy.”

Maria laughed quietly, shaking her head even as you saw how tired she was from the bags under her eyes.

“She’s amazing,” she whispered fondly, gazing towards where she knew her husband and child were. “I love her so much.”

“Of course you do.” You set your own mug down, leaning forward and trying to catch her gaze. “But you’re allowed to be tired, Maria. Taking care of a baby is not easy work. Add running a settlement on top of that, and you have to be exhausted.”

She sighed, pushing her dark hair back over her shoulder as she glanced back at you.

“Maybe you’re right,” she admitted slowly, though she quickly added as she saw your slow grin, “Maybe! Don’t let it go to your head.”

“My head can’t possibly get any bigger,” you joked, and the two of you laughed amiably as the crying of the baby upstairs slowly came to a stop.

You picked your mug back up, taking another sip and just enjoying the simplicity of a quiet moment spent with a friend, when Maria spoke up again.

“You haven’t seen her much, have you?”

Glancing up, you saw Maria watching you curiously. You shook your head, glancing back down at your cup as you swallowed.

“Just when she was born, really.” Your voice was quiet with the words, thoughts pensive as you tapped a rhythm out against the side of your mug.

“Is there a reason for that?” Maria’s words were no less kind, but you saw that familiar look of analysis on her face when you looked up at her now. “Not a big fan of kids?”

“Kids are fine.” You shrugged, wrapping both your hands around your mug now, trying to distract yourself by absorbing the heat from the ceramic into your skin. “Just…”

You sighed, shoulders hunching forward as your eyes closed, and an old memory played on the inside of your eyelids; like a film reel stuck on repeat that you couldn’t stop watching, even though it never changed.

A dirty basement, the door locked and barricaded. “Just in case,” Dad had said. Sitting anxiously in the corner, wincing at every sound of pain, every cry that Mom made. Then a new cry. Turning, a small form in her arms; too small, too fragile. Dad says to come closer, Mom is crying again, but this time it’s happy. The eyes that open to gaze up at you are bright.

Your eyes opened, blinking as you brought yourself back to the present.

Shrugging again, you refused to meet Maria’s curious, questioning gaze and distracted yourself by drinking more of the tea.

“It’s nothing. I do think Jackson needs to invest in some trades for more coffee, though,” you deflected from your emotions with dry humor as you usually did, and Maria sighed with a roll of her eyes, but she didn't press you further.

Footsteps echoed down the stairs, and you turned when you felt a familiar, friendly clap on your shoulder, even as using his arm that was still healing from a bullet wound made him wince.

“Hey, didn’t know you were coming,” Tommy said, smiling fondly down at you before moving over to his wife, leaning down to meet her lips in a quick kiss of greeting.

“You know me,” you drew the words out as you stood with a stretch. “I like to keep you on your toes. Keeps those old man reflexes sharp.”

“Fuck you,” Tommy says brightly without any malice, and Maria smacks him in the stomach with the back of her hand when he moves to stand beside her, leaning against the back of her chair. 

You and Tommy laugh, and Maria rolls her eyes with a bemused shake of her head.

“Tell your friend to spend some time with her goddaughter,” Maria teased, and you shoot her a half-hearted glare as Tommy begins to usher you out of the room.

“Betrayal,” you mouth the word towards her, before giving in and turning to head up the stairs with Tommy to the nursery.

Peaceful quiet had fallen on the second floor of the house as Hope’s crying had stopped before Tommy had come down to collect you. When you reached the top of the staircase, you paused, watching Tommy’s back as he walked ahead of you.

It hadn't taken long for Tommy to seek you out after your argument in the clinic. In fact, you were sure that the only thing that had kept him from coming to you right away was being confined to a hospital bed.

After a few days of pacing back and forth across your empty house—your rooms feeling a bit less suffocating the few times Joel had come to scold you into taking care of your injuries—Tommy came knocking, and you let him in without a second thought.

Had he been out of line? Yes, but you had had your fair share of those moments as well. You knew the words had come out of a place of worry, desperation fueled by love that you would never speak of having for one another, and you couldn’t find it in your cold heart to be mad at him for what he had said.

It didn’t stop him from apologizing upwards of five times as you both sat on your couch, but you let him ramble on until he had nothing left to say. In the silence that followed, you shifted closer to Tommy without a word, dropping your head onto his shoulder as he sighed and rested his head on top of yours.

Neither of you said anything, because you didn’t know what you could say that would heal this wound of yours; one that had been festering for years, the very reason you had left the Fireflies and followed Tommy all the way to Jackson.

Tommy was your rock, a solid foundation to rest your weary feet upon that you would have fallen through a hole in the earth without. He kept you standing, kept you going, even as you continued to hold your pain deep within your heart.

Part of your brain whispered that your reliance on the pain was self-sabotage; a result of unspeakable guilt, the need to punish yourself for the choices you made that had led you here. Led you to a life without her. 

Another part of you, a quieter part that hurt too much to listen to, told you that you clutched this grief in ugly, bleeding claws because it was all you had left of her. That voice was somehow crueler, preying on a deep-seated fear that if you forgot the pain, you would forget her. That her death would mean nothing, and despite your cold cynicism that her absence had left you with, you couldn’t let that be true.

Tommy had held your hand in that moment, his grip tight in a rare moment of physical affection between you, and you realized your hypothesis in the clinic had been right. He was holding you to him so you wouldn’t slip through his fingers, clutching you so tightly to him at times that it was almost suffocating.

You couldn’t blame him, because you could feel yourself slipping, and his hands were what kept you steady most of the time. Tommy and Dina were your anchors.

And now—

“You good?”

You jumped, pulled suddenly from your thoughts at Tommy’s words. He was looking back at you with confusion and slight concern, and a smile slipped easily onto your face as you walked towards him.

“Yeah, ‘course,” you brushed his worry away as your smile didn’t falter. Tommy watched you for a little while longer, but opted not to say anything as he turned to head further down the hall.

“If you say so,” he muttered, probably more to himself than to you, but you arched an eyebrow at him anyway.

“I do say so,” you replied smoothly, and he huffed a quiet sigh, but didn’t press you on his doubt at your words—probably still harboring some guilt for his blowup in the clinic.

Tommy walked through the open door into the nursery, and you followed close behind, your mouth opening to say something else that you quickly forgot about when you saw that somebody else was already in the nursery.

It was almost startling, how quickly you recognized Joel the moment you saw him, even with his back turned and his head bent down. Your feet froze in the doorway, even as Tommy walked further into the room to pat his brother’s shoulder affectionately.

Joel looked up and over at Tommy’s bright smile, before glancing back over his shoulder at you, as if he could recognize you were there just by your eyes on him alone. The thought made you shift in the doorway, a part of you wanting to flee even after you had taken the step forward to call what was between you a friendship, at least through actions if not words.

“Well, now that you’re both here,” Tommy drawled casually, his hand falling from Joel’s shoulder as he moved back out of the room, sliding around where you still loitered in the doorway as he sent a grin back towards the two of you, “get to godparenting!”

You glanced back towards Joel at the words as he turned, noticing that your goddaughter in question was sleeping peacefully in his arms.

Uncertainty rattled you as you shifted again, turning back to watch Tommy’s retreating form as your hesitation became impossible to hide.

“Uh, what does godparenting entail, exactly?” you called out as you leaned out of the doorway, even as Tommy began to descend back down the stairs with a chuckle. “I’ve never been one before. Can you write me a list of detailed instructions so I can review and get back to you?”

But your deflection of humor was ignored as Tommy disappeared down the steps to the landing below, and you sighed as your hand fell away from where you had leaned out of the doorway.

You stayed that way for a moment, facing towards the hallway as you flexed the hand not trapped in a splint, before you heard the soft sounds of Hope’s babbling as she woke back up, and you finally turned back around towards the fate Tommy had set you up with.

Joel held his baby niece carefully, her head supported in his large hand as he gently bounced her, the action seeming to be almost subconscious as you tilted your head and watched him. 

You had seen this man slaughter large groups of hunters and Infected, mercilessly delivering death to dozens without judgment, but you saw no hint of that Joel across from you now. 

It was strange how…natural he looked, standing there with a child held securely in his arms, his movements not marred with any hesitation as he rocked her gently, his voice coming out in a smooth murmur when Hope started to fuss.

You couldn’t help but trace your eyes down his bare arms, able to appreciate the toned muscles as they flexed when he shifted the baby that he was soothing. When you realized you were staring for longer than you would like, you cleared your throat and glanced away, though apparently the sound drew his attention to you.

The feeling of his gaze on your face was nearly impossible to ignore, but you kept your attention stubbornly focused on the pale yellow walls you had painted with Tommy a few months before Hope’s arrival. Evidence of your involvement was all around the room, in the furniture you had helped to build and the decorations you had put up with Maria, but you still kept yourself from looking at your godchild or fellow godparent as your arms crossed across your chest.

After a long moment where the weight of his presence in the room became too much to ignore, you glanced back at him, biting back a sigh when his own gaze flashed from you back down to Hope in the same instant.

“I didn’t know you were here,” you found yourself murmuring, anxiously trying to scratch at an itch buried underneath your wrist splint, and sighing when you couldn’t reach it. “If I knew, I wouldn’t have—”

You broke off, because what were you about to say? That you wouldn’t have shown up at Maria’s request just because Joel was in the same building?

Joel stiffened under the implication that weighed in the air, and he shrugged one shoulder as he continued to gently rock Hope to hopefully settle the fussing child. “We don’t always have to—”

This time Joel was the one to cut himself off, and you arched an eyebrow in silent question as he glanced from the baby back up to you. He sighed, his bunched up shoulders deflating slightly as he looked back down at Hope with a slight frown that was almost imperceptible.

“We don’t have to avoid each other all the time,” Joel finally finished quietly, and you froze up under the sentiment as your eyes darted away again, avoiding his gaze before it could lock on yours.

While you had been settling into this newfound friendship in private, you both were unsure how to translate that into your everyday life. Tommy would no doubt be overjoyed to finally see actual progress in your relationship with his brother, but the thought of spending time in Joel’s presence out in the light of day almost unsettled you. It felt…

You didn’t actually have the words to describe exactly how it felt. It was difficult enough finding your footing around Joel when the ground beneath the two of you was quicksand, and you were sinking further into an undeniable gravity to be a part of his life the more you struggled to pull yourself away.

So even though the ache in your bones screamed at you to tear yourself away, you swallowed down your own doubt, steeling yourself against your pride as you turned back to face Joel’s guarded gaze head on.

Your mouth opened to speak, but any eloquent words completely failed you in the moment as you found yourself trapped in the depth of his brown eyes. There were still so many safeguards between you, so many walls that you couldn’t break through, even as you saw the hint of something behind all of them, a light beckoning you forward through the inescapable darkness ahead of you.

At the sight of it, your jaw snapped shut, your eyes darting down to your feet as you shifted awkwardly in the doorway.

“Yeah,” you finally muttered, wincing at your measly, one word response to his unexpected offer at another step forward in your friendship.

Joel didn’t complain though. His attention was pulled back to Hope as she babbled again, the sound happier and less fussy this time, and he murmured something back to her that you didn’t catch before his nod towards the baby in his arms brought your attention back to him.

“Did you want to hold her?”

You shifted away subconsciously, now standing halfway out the doorway as you shook your head at the offer. Joel frowned at your immediate cowering from the innocent gesture, and you tried to assuage his observation by lifting your healing wrist that was still in a cast, using it as an excuse to say no.

He nodded at your wordless gesture, even as the questioning in his eyes didn’t completely disappear. When Hope’s small, chubby hand lifted into the air, Joel glanced down at its waving with a small, soft smile before looking back up at you.

The smile didn’t immediately fade from his face as his eyes locked with yours, and your heart thudded against your chest at the sight of it.

“You still have a hand, don’t you?”

You arched an eyebrow at the words, your lips tilting up in a smirk as you couldn’t help but reply cheekily, “Oh, you know I do.”

Joel sighed, shooting you a disapproving look at your innuendo before he nodded towards Hope’s little hand that was still waving through the air. When you realized what he was referring to you paused, plagued by hesitation as you stared at the small form in Joel’s arms.

A memory pressed forward in your subconscious, and you steeled yourself against it, shoving it back as your eyes darted back up to Joel’s questioning gaze. You cleared your throat before pushing yourself a few steps forward, not wanting to tip him off that anything was wrong more than you already had.

When you came to a stop in front of him, looking down at the baby in his arms, the sight of eyes as dark as Maria’s and a nose that vaguely looked like the shape of Tommy’s made you soften. Your hand lifted subconsciously, holding your finger out towards her, and you couldn’t help but smile softly as her smaller fingers wrapped around it in a tight grip.

For a moment, the persistent doubts that haunted your every step disappeared. The only thing you could see was the precious new life in front of you, holding on to you tightly, and you knew you would do whatever it takes to protect that.

A sense of familiarity for the situation permeated your subconscious, and you struggled to push it back as you focused on the tiny hand holding on to you. Somewhere in your mind, you realized that Joel was right; this was your family. And that was enough to continue to fight for.

At the thought, you looked back up, seeing Joel’s attention was on you before it shifted down to Hope when you caught his gaze. Neither of you said anything, and when you looked back down, you saw different eyes looking up at you—eyes brighter than the stars, and you sucked in a sharp breath as you instinctively took a step back.

Your eyes blinked rapidly as you looked away, trying to back up further, but the grip around your finger stopped you. An old ache in your chest filled up, the gaping hole in your heart making itself well-known, and your breathing sped up as panic began to flood your mind.

Another hand wrapped around your finger, stopping your desperate plotting to escape and pulling your attention back to what was in front of you.

Joel gently tugged Hope’s hand off of your finger, letting her grab his finger instead as he pulled away from you. 

Hope, you reminded yourself. This was Hope, not someone else.

Not her.

But that ache didn’t ease, and your arms crossed tightly over your chest, as if you could physically protect yourself from the pain that radiated from inside your very soul. You shifted awkwardly, avoiding looking at Joel, even as you didn’t feel his gaze on you at that moment.

When you finally gave in and looked back, you saw the stoic man’s face softened in a way that you had never seen before, his gaze fixed on the baby girl who was clutching his finger tightly. The sight made you pause in your downward spiral of emotions, your head tilting as you observed the man who, even though you now called him a friend, you realized that you still barely knew.

It struck you again, how Joel holding a child gently in his arms like this looked so normal. The way he held her snugly to his chest and supported her head in his large palm was like he was used to this. 

Like he had done it before.

Joel glanced back up at you then, as if he could sense your silent observation, and you leaned against the wall as you decided to take the risk and try to satisfy your curiosity.

“Didn’t think you’d be the type to like kids, Miller,” you remarked casually, and he huffed out a quiet laugh as he looked back down at Hope at the comment that, while still ripe with your usual snark, held no malice or judgment to it.

“When it’s family, I do,” he murmured, turning back to the crib behind him and carefully laying Hope down when she fell back asleep. “Any other kids are annoying as shit.”

You laughed at the out-of-pocket remark, but you couldn’t find yourself disagreeing as Joel turned back to face you, an eyebrow arched at the sound of your laughter.

“Did that include Ellie, when you first met her?” you found yourself asking, not taking the time to think over the question, and you winced as you expected Joel to shut down at the topic.

Instead, you were surprised when the man sighed, resting a hand on the edge of the crib as he gave a short nod.

“Oh yeah,” he muttered, a look of faint, fond amusement crossing his face; something you had never seen on him before, and you couldn’t help but lean forward in curiosity as he continued, “She was a pain in the ass, that’s for sure. Found myself wondering what the fuck I was doing a lot in the beginning, there.”

“What were you doing?” you asked, unable to stop asking questions now that Joel was actually answering them. He looked at you blankly this time though, and you hesitated before clarifying, “I mean, why did you do it? If you were so opposed to it.”

Joel stiffened, a look you couldn’t place passing over his face, and you realized that maybe you had pressed too far, when he surprised you by answering again, “I made a promise to someone.”

You paused, watching as Joel’s expression darkened as you guessed a memory he didn’t want to recall clawed its way out to the forefront of his mind anyway. Somehow, you couldn’t imagine that Joel had ever been any less hardened than he is now—maybe twenty years ago, before the world came crashing down, but certainly not in recent years.

So the admission that there had been someone important enough for him to make a promise to them made you reconsider the man for a moment. Surely it wasn’t Tommy—you knew they hadn’t been in frequent contact for years, other than the weekly radio messages that Maria eventually put a stop to.

It made a lot of sense, in hindsight; Joel wasn’t the type of man to do anything out of the kindness of his heart—if he even had any of that left. The only way you could imagine Joel embarking on a journey to take a teenage girl across a desolate country was if it was out of obligation to someone, even though his heart had obviously softened to Ellie somewhere along the way.

You couldn’t imagine Joel was the type of man to take promises lightly, and you found yourself saying quietly, “Must’ve been someone important, to do that for them.”

Joel’s muscles bunched up tightly from where he crossed his arms over his chest, his gaze averted from you as he mumbled, “Yeah.”

Taking the hint that this was no longer a topic up for discussion, you backed away from the conversation, glancing away from the survivor who you now felt a bit more curious about than before. Given his familiarity with holding a child, and the fact that there had been somebody in his life recently enough to earn his devotion…it made you wonder just who Joel Miller was, under that hard exterior he showed the world that had no doubt fucked him over sideways more than once.

“What about you?”

The question made you look back up, seeing Joel was focused back on you, his body a bit less stiff as he redirected the question back towards you, “Never wanted a bundle of joy of your own?”

You barked out a laugh, shaking your head sharply as you sputtered out, “God, no.”

Joel raised an eyebrow at your visceral response, and you coughed awkwardly into your fist as you shifted your weight onto your other foot nervously, the new line of questioning catching you off-guard.

“I mean, there’s nothing wrong with kids,” you stumbled over the words, letting out a sigh as you leaned your head back against the wall and met Joel’s gaze. “I just—”

You cut yourself off, unable to find the words to describe how exactly you felt on the matter, even as you felt the reason as an ache deep within your bones. To be responsible for another life brought into this fucked up world—and to have to live on with the unspeakable grief if you weren’t enough to protect them…

It wasn’t something you could bear to do. 

Not again.

“In case you haven’t noticed, there isn’t a wide selection of eligible bachelors in Jackson,” you finally found your footing well enough to deflect with sarcasm, and Joel arched an eyebrow in bemusement at you when you shot a smirk his way. “That is, unless you wanted to stop pulling out, cowboy.”

“Jesus—”

Joel sputtered, his loud curse breaking itself off as he shook his head in disbelief at your lewd, unminced words. You snickered at his reaction, your expression making it obvious that you weren’t serious in the slightest, and that you had only said the words to catch him off-guard.

You had been successful, and Joel glared at you, even as his lips tilted up in the corner in a familiar smirk you only saw when you were partaking in one activity together.

“I don’t think you want that,” he muttered, and your own sly smirk curled up onto your lips at his low tone that you recognized well by now.

“Not for the higher risk of—well, you know,” you replied, gesturing towards the crib with a nod so Joel would know what you were alluding to, but his dark gaze was fixed on you solely now as you continued slowly, “but the act itself is…”

You bit your lip as Joel took slow steps towards you, a familiar heat spreading through you as he got closer. His eyes dragged down your body in a way that was almost languid, your heart skipping a beat at the connotation behind the dark look as his gaze locked with yours again.

“It’s tempting,” he murmured when he reached you, bracing his arm on the wall above your head as he leaned closer. Your breath hitched in your throat at the action, your gaze flickering over his face as it got closer to yours.

In the back of your mind, you remembered that you were in Tommy’s house, in broad daylight, and that you were much too close to Joel for comfort. You’d be fucked if you were caught like this, but you were distracted by the blood rushing through your head as Joel’s eyes became level with yours.

He was staring at you intently, and your lips parted to try and come up with some sultry, witty remark back, but the movement caught Joel’s attention with how close he was to you. His gaze flashed down to your lips, and you froze, unable to register anything else in the moment other than your heart suddenly thudding wildly in your chest.

You both remained frozen like that, Joel’s gaze lingering on your lips before it flashed back up to your eyes. A hint of something you couldn’t decipher was hidden in the brown depths of his gaze, and you leaned closer an inch to try and decode it when the heavy sound of footsteps coming up the stairs broke the moment.

Joel pushed himself away from you in the blink of an eye, leaving you reeling from the weight of whatever had settled between you before the atmosphere shattered. You remained leaning against the wall, staring at Joel in bewilderment as he turned his back to you, pacing back towards Hope’s crib as the steps echoed down the hallway towards you.

“How we doin’ in here, godparents?” Tommy asked as he popped his head through the doorway, his gaze flickering from Joel’s tense back to your stunned face from where you leaned against the wall next to the doorway.

You threw a mask over your face in an instant, smiling up at Tommy even as he hesitated, looking from you back to Joel as his brows furrowed under the tension in the air that you guessed hadn’t fully evaporated.

Fuck.

“Oh, we got some real quality bonding time in,” you drawled casually, patting Tommy’s shoulder as you moved past him through the doorway he still loitered in. “All three of us.”

You glanced back over your shoulder to where Joel was still facing away from you, unable to see his face at all as you wondered how true those words really were. 

Had you actually made progress with him?

What kind of progress?

And why did you care?

You tried to shake the thoughts out of your mind, knowing it would be useless to entertain them, but they still hung persistently in the back of your subconscious as you made your way back down the stairs. Tommy didn’t follow you, and you cast a concerned glance up towards the second floor landing before turning back around.

On your way towards the front door, you saw Maria leaning against the couch in the living room as you passed by the open archway leading into the room. You paused in your path to get out as quickly as you could, walking towards the woman as a smile flickered onto your face.

“She really is incredible, Maria,” you said softly, and the woman returned your smile with a look of adoration in her eyes at the mention of her daughter. You hedged for a moment before your gaze flickered to the shrine on the fireplace mantle behind her, and you steeled your nerves, your gaze becoming more serious as you added, “You know I’d do anything to protect her, right?”

Maria’s gaze softened, and she nodded gently as her hand came out to grab yours. She squeezed it gently, her eyes only kind and understanding as she said softly, “I know. That’s why we came to you and Joel. We know you’d both do whatever it takes.”

Surprise flickered across your face before you could stop it, but you relaxed, squeezing Maria’s hand gently before you dropped it.

“I’m just happy that you’re happy,” you said kindly, your words honest as you took a step back towards the door. “Both of you.”

Your hand was on the door handle, pulling it open halfway before Maria spoke again, her words echoing behind you, “You're allowed to be happy too, you know.”

Glancing back over at her, your brow furrowed in confusion, eyes questioning as Maria sighed at the look on your face before she added quietly, “Both of you.”

Your confusion only grew, glancing over her face to try and catch any hint of what she meant, when she glanced towards the staircase. You followed her gaze, hearing the deep voices engaged in conversation as they neared the steps, and your entire body tensed up as the implication of her words hit you.

It took only a few seconds for your mind to shut down, your heart closing off in the same instant as you hurried out the door and shut it behind you, locking any lingering thoughts on just what Maria meant back in the house as you walked away.

Joel sat at his kitchen table, eating dinner alone as his gaze flickered from his food up to the window every few seconds.

He had considered inviting Ellie to join him, but her light was off, so he didn’t want to bother her. Still, it didn’t stop him from glancing over every few seconds, a part of him hoping that her light would turn on so he could use it as an excuse to see how she was doing.

A sigh escaped him as her little home remained dark, and he glanced back down at his meal.

Joel hadn’t really felt lonely in years; he had become numb to being alone through Sarah dying and Tommy leaving. And those nights that were the worst, the ones where he did feel the ache of having nobody by his side, were the ones where he realized he wasn’t truly alone.

There hadn’t been much time to stop and think about Tess while taking Ellie across the country. Even when he had settled into Jackson, he tried not to let Tess cross his mind. But the conversation earlier today in Hope’s nursery had finally brought forth memories of his previous partner that he could no longer ignore.

Partner.

Joel mused over the word as he stabbed another bite of food, bringing it up to his lips as he finally let himself become lost in thought over the matter.

There was no doubt that Tess was his partner when it came to their work back in the Boston QZ. They had come to rely on each other through their jobs as smugglers, and as time passed, Joel realized that there was nobody he trusted more than her.

Then came the other side of their relationship. They had something physical, yes; but Joel knew it was more than that, even though he never said anything on the matter.

He also knew Tess’ feelings on their relationship, even as she never talked about it much. Joel was not proud of how he had shot her down or flat-out ignored her the times she had tried to speak on it, and eventually she had stopped trying, settling into the only affection he could give her; watching her back, and sleeping in her bed.

Joel sighed, dropping his fork onto his nearly empty plate as he thought about it now. He rested his forehead against his hand, regret washing over him in waves as he remembered the last words she had ever spoken to him.

I never ask you for anything, not to feel the way I felt—

His eyes shut, as if he could block the memories out by doing so. But they continued to barrage his mind, his head dropping into his hands as his guilt became unshakable.

Joel could picture her in his mind like he had just seen her yesterday; the way her hair fell past her shoulders, the sharp green of her eyes, her unshakable nature and the good heart she hid underneath a tough exterior.

He had never done right by her. She deserved better, and he always knew. Joel was sure she knew too—Tess was too clever, too self-assured to not know her own worth—and still, she had stuck beside him.

Until the bitter end.

Save who you can save.

His head lifted from his hands, looking back towards the garage at the edge of his yard as he became lost in thought.

Joel couldn’t save Sarah. He couldn’t save Tess. There were so many he couldn’t save, so many lives lost—so many lives taken by his own hands.

But he could save Ellie.

And he did.

And he would keep doing so, until his own bitter end.

Joel pushed himself to his feet, taking his dish to the sink to begin cleaning it off. In the midst of his task, his mind continued to wander, and he realized that Ellie wasn’t the only one he could still protect.

Being back in Jackson meant that Tommy was involved in Joel’s life again, along with his baby brother’s growing family. So while his protection obviously included Tommy, it also extended to Maria and Hope.

His niece—his goddaughter—already meant the world to him. While there was an ache deep in his chest at watching his brother live the life he had once had, Joel was happy to have a new addition to the Millers. 

And he may not tell anyone, but he loved those moments that he got to spend with the baby; it reminded him of a time where he had allowed himself to be softer, kinder, before he had lost everything.

Have you ever lost everything?

Joel paused, watching the water run down the sink before he turned off the faucet with a sigh. He turned to pick up a dish rag to dry the plate, unable to stop the new direction his thoughts took a turn to.

Her past was none of his business. He knew this well, but it didn’t stop him from wondering.

A lot of things had come together from what he had seen and heard just from being around her—a child’s drawing, a name Tommy had almost spoken, a look of fear in her eyes just from being close to a baby—but he would never ask for confirmation of his theories.

No, there wasn’t much Joel could do for her at all, even as he could see her pain, though she hid it well. Even as their new…friendship, seemed to blossom.

The thought made him sigh as he dropped the rag, setting the plate in the dish rack to dry before turning to exit the kitchen.

Joel had never been very good at the whole friend thing, even before the end of the world. He was never too concerned about other people, or curious enough to seek out friendship with strangers. He had everything he needed in his family—why would he need anybody else?

But even though the woman was still basically a stranger, she was also family now. And perhaps Tommy’s words in the hospital had hit a bit too close to home for Joel to stand by and do nothing.

She’ll struggle alone, and nobody will know.

That had been Joel.

Hell, that was still Joel, even now. And realizing that she was the same…

Joel didn’t quite understand it, but it made a part of him ache. A part that wanted to include her on that short list of people who he would save.

Even as another part of him said that she was already on that list. He knew it in the back of his mind, and had known it since he had rushed to rescue her the moment he had heard she was in danger.

There had been no time to think about it then, and he still tried not to think about it too hard now. So many things were piling in the back of his mind, so much to unpack, but Joel was content to let it linger in the background as he went about his day-to-day life.

A life that included seeking her out for pleasure at night, but tonight Joel turned towards his staircase, even as thoughts of her plagued his mind while he tried to get ready for bed.

Thoughts of her hands on his neck, of her fingers winding through his hair, lingered in his mind as he pulled off his shirt.

Recollections of her lips on his skin, the sweet bite of her teeth on his collarbone as he played with her, haunted him as he showered.

Memories of the hot, tight walls of her cunt gripping his dick as he thrusted into her played on the edges of his conscious mind as he tossed and turned in bed, fighting the urge to palm his hardening erection or get back up to go find her as he tried to rest.

Eventually, he was able to drift off into the blissful embrace of sleep, but his dreams were no easier on him.

His unconscious mind taunted him with the image of her; her legs spread wide for him, pussy dripping wet as those sweet moans left her mouth for only him to hear. In his dreams, he tasted her, his tongue playing with her mercilessly until she came against his mouth, again, and again, and again.

When Joel jerked awake, he was painfully hard, and he turned over to groan into his pillow as his hips began to roll against his mattress, seeking friction against his erection in a haze of still being half-asleep.

The sensation wasn’t enough, and Joel turned onto his back, reaching his hand down to palm himself through his sleep pants. In the absence of her presence, Joel let himself moan as loud as he wanted to, the sounds of his pleasure long and low as they left his mouth while he continued to get off just at the thought of her.

After a moment of palming himself faster, when the images of his dream kept flashing through his mind—the questions of what she would taste like, of how she would look when she came from his tongue alone, remaining unanswered—Joel pushed himself up with a groan.

“Fuck,” he muttered, throwing the sheets off to stand, rushing through getting undressed so he could pull his clothes from the day back on again.

Guess he was seeking her out tonight, after all.

A groan escaped your throat as you turned over in your bed, pushing the blankets off yourself as the sound of knocking on your door woke you from your sleep. You swing your legs over the side of the bed, sighing as you rubbed at your tired eyes before pushing yourself to your feet.

Stumbling out into your hallway, you spare a moment to flick the lights on before reaching your front door, swinging it open to reveal just who you thought was knocking so late.

Joel was about to push himself off from where he was leaning against the doorway before he paused, his gaze flickering over your half-asleep form with a frown.

“I didn’t realize you were asleep,” he muttered, shifting to lean away from you as you blinked up at him. “I can leave—”

“Hey,” you interrupted him, your voice thick with sleep as you reached out to grab his hand by instinct when he started to walk backwards.

Joel paused, his entire body tensing up as his gaze flashed to where your grip was on his hand, and your gaze followed his slowly, your mind still sleep-addled until you realized what you were doing.

You dropped his hand as if it had burned you, taking a step back to widen the distance between you as you cleared your throat awkwardly. One of your shoulders lifted in a shrug, feeling wide awake now as you turned to walk back down the hallway.

“It’s fine,” you muffled a yawn with the nonchalant words, waving him in to follow you even as you didn’t look back at him. “Who even needs sleep, anyway?”

A snort sounded behind you, and you looked back over your shoulder at Joel, your brow arched in surprise at the sound even as he avoided your gaze.

“You do,” he replied in a tone you had heard from him before, one that said he didn’t want to hear an argument, and you sighed as you walked into your kitchen with him following close behind. “You’re still healing.”

You waved a hand to dismiss the thought after you flicked your kitchen lights on.

“Hardly,” you muttered, glancing back to see Joel’s face was unamused as he leaned against your counter, crossing his arms over his chest as you grabbed your kettle to fill it up with water from your sink. “What? It’s been a month, I’m fine.”

Joel sent a pointed look at the splint on your wrist, and you rolled your eyes as you turned away from him, setting the kettle onto your stove as you reached for the matches you kept nearby. You paused, looking between the matches in one hand and your bound wrist with the other, before looking back at Joel’s smug look with dissatisfaction when you realized his point had been proven.

“Shut the fuck up,” you muttered as you tossed the matchbox to him, which he caught easily as he quirked an eyebrow at your biting tone.

“I didn’t say anything,” he replied casually as he pushed himself off the counter to walk up next to you, easily striking the match and setting a flame under the kettle as you scoffed.

“Your face did,” you said as you rolled your eyes when he looked back at you, his lips pursing to blow out the match with his gaze locked on yours. Something about the action lit another fire inside of you, and you struggled to look away from him this time as you added, “It’s that stupid, smug Miller look.”

Joel chuckled at that, and you couldn’t resist looking back at him, your slight annoyance fading at the unfamiliar sound you had only heard a few times before, but it still shook you every time you heard it.

“Well, that’s not very nice,” he hummed as he took a step closer to you, and you huffed out a laugh as you arched an eyebrow at the palpable shift in the air when he walked towards you.

“Which falls in line with your type,” you replied in a low tone, enjoying how Joel’s eyes darkened as he stopped in front of you.

His hands found your hips, drawing you closer to him as his head dipped down so his mouth was at your ear.

“Mm, I suppose it does,” Joel murmured as his hands slipped behind you, one sliding down to rest over your ass as the other slid up to the small of your back. 

He pressed you closer to him as that familiar heat began to build between you. Your face was inches away from his neck, your breath fanning against his skin every time you exhaled, and Joel’s hand gripped your ass through the thin fabric of your pajama shorts. 

You let the tension build for a moment, taunting him with your closeness without making a move to satisfy the familiar urge that crept up whenever you were together like this.

His other hand on your back pressed you fully against him, and you hummed as your mouth, still just inches away from the curve of his strong neck, opened to speak in a low tone, “The tea.”

Joel’s hand continued to slide up your back, pushing you further against him as his head dipped down towards your neck, and you could feel the erection growing in his jeans as he mumbled, “Hm?”

Your hands found his chest, sliding up to rest on his shoulders as you leaned back, meeting his lust-filled gaze with a smirk on your lips.

“The tea,” you repeated, gesturing towards the kettle with a nod, and Joel blinked as he looked back at it, only now hearing as it began to whistle.

He huffed, letting his hands fall from you begrudgingly as you walked over to the stove with a chuckle.

“You’re a tease,” he murmured as he watched you go, and you could feel his eyes lingering on your ass as you bent down to blow the flame out on the stovetop before you looked back at him with a wider smirk.

“And?” your voice was as teasing as he accused you of being as you raised an eyebrow, and Joel shook his head as he glanced away from you.

You pulled out a couple of mugs and the tin of tea Maria had given to you, and after a moment of quiet when you let the tea steep, you heard Joel speak up behind you.

“Tea?” he asked, a hint of distaste in his voice, and you turned around to see he had walked up behind where you were facing the counter.

His hands came to rest on either side of you, caging you in, and you could almost laugh at the familiarity of the situation before you turned back towards the steaming mugs.

“Yeah, it’s a new crop in the greenhouse. Maria’s pretty proud of it.” You look back at him, looking over the slight crinkle of his nose with amusement as you asked, “Why? Not a fan of tea?”

“I prefer coffee, is all,” he muttered, and you couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head as you busied yourself with straining the tea leaves and preparing your cup the way you liked it.

“Me too, but I haven’t been able to get my hands on any in weeks.” An eyebrow raised in question as you picked up your mug, turning around to face him directly. “You?”

Joel shook his head, reaching around you to grab the other mug. He made no comment about the moose engraving on it, even as his lips twitched slightly as he answered, “Me neither.”

He took a sip of the drink, his face contorting briefly into a grimace before he quickly neutralized his expression, and you couldn’t help but laugh again. Joel looked back at you again at the sound, his lips twitching again, but this time they actually did curl up into a fragment of a smile before he took another sip of his tea.

“Maria’s proud of this?” he asked, his tone almost akin to joking, and you shook your head with another chuckle as you tried to hide a small smile behind a sip of your own drink.

“Shut up, you old asshole,” you sassed back, his smirk growing as yours did when you added, “Not everybody likes their drinks to be as bitter as them.”

“Well goddamn,” he drawled, his deep Southern drawl making the harsh curse sound smoother than it should, his palm sliding further back on the counter as he leaned down towards you. “You got me there, don’t you?”  

Joel’s eyes darted between yours, and a different kind of tension that was slowly becoming familiar coiled in your body again, even as you still couldn’t name it. Still, it made your heart leap into your throat, your grip tightening on your mug before you put it down on the counter beside you.

Your hands found his shirt, fingers curling around the soft, dark-blue fabric as you leaned up to whisper in his ear to try and turn the situation into one you were more familiar with, one with only the heat of desire, “Somehow, I get the feeling that you came here for something else tonight, cowboy.”

Joel hummed, placing his own mug down behind you before his hand came to rest between your shoulder blades. He pulled you against him, his erection pressing against your thigh as he bent down to press his mouth to your neck and murmured against it, “There is something that I think would taste better than this.”

Your eyes widened, but you had no time to think as Joel’s arms wrapped around your waist and easily lifted you off the ground. He turned, stepping towards your small dining table as your legs wrapped around his waist by instinct, holding onto his shoulders as he lowered you on top of it.

He didn’t say anything about the surprise on your face—you didn’t even think he noticed it, as he became focused on pulling your shorts and panties down enough so that he had access to your pussy. Joel’s gaze darkened once you were exposed to him, licking his lips as you shivered from pleasure at the sight of it.

“I tried to stay away tonight,” he whispered hoarsely as he knelt down between your legs, and your heart pounded in your chest as you watched him with wide eyes as the night was going in a direction you hadn’t dared to go in with Joel before. “I really tried but, fuck, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”

He pulled your shorts down the rest of the way, the fabric landing on the floor to be forgotten as he tugged you closer to the edge of the table. Joel glanced back up at your face, taking in your shock for the first time, and he blinked a few times, the lust clearing partially from his face as hesitation crossed his features.

“I—we don’t have to,” he muttered, his hands falling away from where they had been inching towards your thighs. “We can just—”

“Please,” you found yourself begging as he began to push himself up, not able to bear the thought of him pulling away now that he had been so close to going down on you. You licked your lips as Joel’s eyes met yours again, your legs spreading further for him, and his gaze darkened with lust again as it darted back down to your pussy. “Please, Joel, eat me out—”

You were barely able to get the words out before Joel was back on his knees, his hand wrapping around your uninjured thigh, his other hand on the knee of your injured leg to keep you spread for him as his face disappeared between your legs.

When his tongue dragged over your folds, you gasped, your head tilting back against the table as the sensation shook you to your core. Joel licked you slowly, as if he was exploring your pussy with his tongue, mapping you out as you reached down to tangle your hand in his hair by instinct.

A grunt left his mouth from where it was pressed against you as you grabbed his dark curls, and your hips jerked forward as the vibration of his voice was so temptingly close to where you wanted it to be. Joel seemed to take the cue as you tugged at his hair, his mouth lifting to find your clit, licking over it once before sucking it into his mouth at the wanton moan that left your lips at the sensation.

“Fucking hell, Joel,” you whispered, your back arching as you tried to roll your hips up towards his mouth, but Joel kept you pressed down against the table easily, even with just one hand pressed to your thigh. “God, that feels good.”

Joel hummed around your clit, the vibrations along with his tongue flicking over it making you whimper from the steady climb of pleasure his mouth was building you towards. Just the feeling of your clit completely enveloped by his warm mouth was enough to make your mind spin, grabbing his hair tighter as you pushed his face further between your legs.

“Fuck, how long have you known how to eat a woman out?” you muttered more to yourself than him, but the sound of his chuckle vibrating against your sensitive bundle of nerves as he continued to flick his tongue up and down over it at a rapid pace made you moan with abandon.

You still tried to roll your hips to get impossibly closer to his mouth working on you, and Joel replied by pulling away momentarily just so he could hook your legs over his shoulders, tugging you closer before he descended upon you again. His tongue was flat against your clit now, rubbing it from side to side in a motion he knew drove you crazy, and it didn’t take long before he finally pulled an orgasm from you.

A loud moan left your open mouth as your thighs tightened around his face, your chest rising and falling rapidly as Joel moaned against your clit, the sensation prolonging the waves of pleasure that he pulled from you.

You groaned once you came down from your high, your hand falling from his hair to try and push yourself up, but Joel didn’t stop. While his tongue had slowed down during your orgasm, it began to speed up again, and your panting returned as you fell back against the table, back arching as he shoved his face further against you.

“Fuck, Joel,” you moaned, mouth falling open as he didn’t let up the rapid flicking of his tongue.

Every now and then, he would suckle on the swollen bundle of nerves, murmuring incoherent noises around it when he did, and you knew then he had picked up on how the vibrations of his voice while he was eating you out was making you cum faster.

You were almost startled by how fast he could pick up on your body cues, sensing what gave you the most pleasure, before you were distracted by his fingers lightly dancing over the smaller bandage over the healing stab wound on your thigh. Your breath caught in your throat at the gentleness of his touch that contrasted the lewd, wet sucking noise his mouth was making around your clit.

“Joel,” you moaned again, not able to think twice about how you were saying his name more than you ever have during sex in the past, too distracted, too lost in how good he was making you feel. You gasped his name again as your pussy clenched and relaxed in another orgasm that overtook your entire body.

His mouth finally left your clit, his tongue dragging down along your folds to dip inside your entrance, and you whined loudly as Joel began to lap at the evidence of your release as it coated your folds.

“Holy—” your words cut off, unable to even speak as Joel’s hand on your thigh wrapped around your waist, slipping under your shirt to slide up your back, and you groaned at the feeling of his rough fingertips on your bare skin.

Somehow, you found the strength to place your free palm against the table, pushing yourself up so you could finally get a glimpse of Joel as he refused to let up the pace.

And, fuck, you wouldn’t forget that sight for as long as you lived.

Joel’s face between your thighs, his dark brow furrowed in concentration as he focused on the task of eating you out, his graying curls a mess from where you had been grabbing them, was nearly enough to make you orgasm a third time. A breathless moan escaped you as you watched him thrust his tongue in and out of your entrance, his eyes flashing up towards yours at the sound and, holy fuck, you didn’t think it could get any better, but it did.

His gaze locked with yours, his eyes darkened with only the most sinful desires, and you moaned again as you resisted the urge to tangle your only free hand in his hair, not wanting to lay back down and miss the sight of Joel Miller’s face between your legs, his facial hair damp with your release as he continued to fuck you with his tongue.

“Oh, fuck. Joel, I—” you broke off, your chest heaving with heavy pants as your thighs began to shake from another approaching high. “I don’t think I—”

His hand on your back moved to wrap around your side, his nails digging into your skin as you bit your lip to hold back another moan. Joel’s eyes didn’t move from yours, his intent clear even as he didn’t remove his mouth from you, instead moving his other hand to your clit to stimulate the nerves while his tongue kept thrusting in and out of you.

He wanted you to cum again—he knew you could cum again, that he could pull another orgasm out of you, and you were helpless to resist, but there was no part of you that wanted to do anything but let him have his way with you, anyway.

Your eyes remain locked with Joel’s as you orgasmed this time, your thighs shaking and clenching around his face as you cried out from the intense pleasure he had pulled from you for a third time that night. There was a shift in his eyes, the look of intense satisfaction on his face before his eyes fluttered closed, shoving his tongue as deep inside of you as he could to catch any and all of your release.

Eyes drifting closed, you let your head finally fall back against the table again, your muscles relaxing as Joel drank you in as much as he could before he pulled back with a gasp.

“Fuck, you taste…” he groaned, his hands stroking your trembling thighs, and you moaned softly as he continued to murmur to himself, “So good. You’re so good, darling.”

You slowly blinked your eyes open to watch him as he stood, his hands coming to rest on either side of you as he leaned over you to look down into your eyes. The muscles in his arms were coiled tightly beside you, and you nodded at the question in his eyes before spreading your shaking legs further as much as you could.

“Come on,” you murmured, knowing what he wanted, and you were more than okay giving it to him after how amazing he had just made you feel.

Joel sighed in relief, his hands coming down to fumble with his belt, pulling it from his jeans before unbuttoning them and shoving them down with his boxers. He stepped closer to you, his movements shaky with an eagerness you had never witnessed from him before, and you realized that he may just have a thing for oral sex as he collected the release dripping from your folds on his dick.

He slid in remarkably easy, and you sighed as your walls adjusted to the size of him. You nodded at him in confirmation of his silent question when he began to thrust into you slowly, telling him wordlessly that you were okay, that he could fuck you as hard as he wanted to. Joel nodded back, picking up the pace rapidly at your approval, until he was fucking into you hard and fast with reckless abandon.

“Fuck, so good,” he began to mumble to himself again, his head tossing back, the veins on his face and neck bulging from the effort of his quick, hard thrusts. “So good for me, you’re so good for me…”

You bit your lips at the words, watching him lose himself in the throes of pleasure as Joel grabbed your hips. He was careful to avoid your healing injury, and some part of you softened even as you watched him bend over you, his strong face contorted in ecstasy as he chased his high with more desperation than you had ever seen from him before.

Fuck, he really does get off on going down on someone, you thought to yourself as it didn’t take long at all for his cock to begin to twitch inside of you, his jaw slackening as he groaned and quickly pulled out, leaving a trail of cum along your thigh as he did so. 

You blinked, almost concerned he had begun to cum inside of you before he pulled out, but you relaxed as you realized that you trusted Joel not to do so without your permission.

You trusted him, you repeated the thought to yourself with no small amount of surprise at the sentiment.

Fuck, when had that happened?

“God,” Joel whined softly, bracing his arms against the table as he leaned down, the furniture catching his weight as his legs began to buckle. “That was…”

“Yeah,” you murmured, reaching a hand up to dance your fingertips across his bare forearm as you managed a smirk up at his startled face, amused at how shocked he seemed to be at the intensity of his orgasm. “Please don’t say anything ridiculously cliché, though. You’ll ruin the moment.”

Joel chuckled quietly, his bemusement turning into something else, a look you couldn’t recognize as he returned your smirk with a small one of his own. “Oh yeah? ‘The moment’?”

“Mhm,” you hummed, wiggling your eyebrows as you teased, “you know, the gloriously awkward moment when you cum so hard after going down on a complete stranger.”

Joel laughed again, louder this time, and you were surprised by how much your heart lightened just at the sound of it.

“Is that what you are?” Joel asked, raising an eyebrow in a question that you suddenly realized you didn’t actually have the answer to. “A stranger?”

You hummed again, more in thought this time, your head tilting as you looked up at him. Your fingers continued to graze up along his arm, your lips parting to turn the question back on him, “You tell me.”

He sighed, the muscles in his arms tensing before he finally pushed himself up, his gaze passing over you as he assented, “You are a mystery, I’ll give you that much.”

Your attention piqued at that, and you tried to push yourself up when he reached his hand out to help you up, which you took without a second thought.

“Oh, really?” you asked, your amusement evident in your voice as you sat on the edge of the table while Joel pulled his pants up and moved to grab a rag, getting it damp before moving back to you. “I’m curious: what else am I, Joel Miller?”

Joel shook his head, wiping the wet rag over the tip of his leaking cock before passing it over to you so you could clean your legs.

“You’re bad news, for one,” he muttered, and you couldn’t resist laughing at that as you wiped the cloth over your thighs to clean up your combined release.

“And?” you asked, dropping the cloth on the table beside you before you rose to shaky legs.

“And I definitely shouldn’t be fucking you, since you’re my baby brother’s closest friend,” he sighed with a shake of his head, like he still couldn’t believe your arrangement, even months later.

“And?” you drawled, and Joel fixed you with a skeptical look at your persistence to draw more out of him.

Another, deeper sigh left him, glancing over you as you bent over to pull your shorts back up.

“And…”

Joel trailed off, glancing over your face before he shook his head. He tucked his dick away, zipping up his pants and reaching down to pick his belt back up before shifting away from you while muttering, “And nothing.”

You held back a sigh, almost able to see the walls being rebuilt in his gaze as he walked back to the counter where the tea had no doubt gone cold by now.

To be honest, you didn’t know what you were expecting—or what you had even wanted to hear in the first place. The torrent of emotions that washed over you in that moment were confusing, but they were gone just as quickly as they came.

You didn’t say anything else as you sank down into one of the chairs at your table, unable to keep yourself standing with how shaky your legs still were. Joel rested his palms against the countertop, staring down at the mug you always subconsciously grabbed for him when making him a drink, before his gaze suddenly snapped back to you.

His mouth opened for a second before it closed again, groaning as your brow rose at his rare loss for words.

You had to admit, it was nice to talk to him tonight. The atmosphere between the two of you was more amicable than it had ever been, the conversation flowing easily when you had been making the tea. And sure, you had been talking a bit more with your newfound friendship confirmed, but not as much as you had tonight.

But now it seemed you were back to the usual as Joel pushed himself away from the counter, turning to walk towards your back door without so much as a second glance back at you.

“Are we really back to this?” you found yourself asking before you could think about stopping yourself, and Joel froze with his hand on the doorknob.

He didn’t say anything for a moment, and you began to wonder if he was just going to ignore you and leave, before he repeated without turning back around, “This?”

Joel seemed to hesitate after saying the word, his grip tightening on the doorknob before he appeared to force himself to look back over at you and ask, “And what is ‘this’, exactly?”

The question made your mind blank, and you frowned.

You knew he was talking about your remark, but you found yourself wondering about this weird relationship between you as a whole, and you struggled as you tried to find the words to explain it, eventually stuttering, “It’s a—well, you know…”

Joel watched you blankly as you trailed off, clearly waiting for you to say it, and you huffed as your arms crossed across your chest, your face morphing into one of frustration as he forced your hand.

“A friendship,” you finally said the word flatly, almost snapping the term at him as you resisted the urge to look away from his harsh scrutiny as it focused on you, realizing that it had been a while since he had observed you so coldly. “But right now it’s not, because you’re acting like an asshole again for no goddamn reason. Hell, aren’t you the one who said we don’t have to avoid each other?”

You couldn’t believe that you had dared to believe that you were actually making progress with him. But it seemed like any step forward with Joel was followed by at least five steps back. It was incredibly frustrating, but what pissed you off the most was just how much he managed to draw a reaction out of you.

The thoughts in your head continued to spiral, your anger festering, until Joel’s sigh of defeat shattered through your haze of annoyance.

Joel pulled out the chair across from you, collapsing heavily into the chair even as he avoided meeting your eye.

“I’m not…” he sighed, rubbing a hand over his chin, and you realized his beard was still a bit damp from when he had been between your legs. For once, you felt a hint of something akin to bashfulness flare in you as you glanced away, your cheeks flushing from the intense memory that had only happened moments before.

Luckily, Joel was also avoiding looking at you, not catching your blush, and you only looked back at him when he finally admitted quietly, “I’m not good at the whole…‘friend’ thing.”

You sighed quietly, the tension in your shoulders evaporating as you glanced back towards him.

“I’m not exactly an expert at it either, in case you hadn’t noticed,” you mutter as you gesture vaguely around you, as if making a show of how nobody was exactly lining up the block to spend time with you.

Joel huffed out a laugh, looking down at his hands as he rubbed over the scars on the back of his knuckles—a habit you had noticed him doing when he was nervous or in thought.

“Look, Joel, I’m not looking for anything from you,” you said with a sigh as you leaned forward in your chair. “All I’m trying to say is…”

You trailed off, searching for the right words, and it was only when Joel looked back up at you, his gaze locking with yours, that you found them.

“Just…don’t be a stranger,” you murmured, your lips tilting up in a rare, true smile. It was hesitant, and barely noticeable, but it was there, and you swore you saw something shift in Joel’s eyes as he looked at it.

After a moment of silence, he pushed himself to his feet, still gazing down at the scars on his knuckles before glancing back up at you.

“Yeah,” he murmured, giving a small nod. “Yeah, I think I can manage that.”

You rested your chin on your hand, your smile melting into a more familiar smirk, one Joel gazed at before turning around.

“I’ll see you around, then,” Joel said, glancing back at you one last time, and you gave a lazy, two-finger salute in response, like you had that first morning he had shared his coffee with you.

“See ya around, cowboy,” you replied quietly, watching him disappear through the doorway.

In the back of your mind, you realized that this was the first time Joel had said goodbye before leaving. And even more than that, he had implied he would return.

Despite your best intentions, you couldn’t help another small, genuine smile at the thought.

[shurislover]

It’s A……

riri x black fem reader

pure fluff - you and riris gender reveal 🤭

“ Titi Y/N may i have cake please ?”- your Goddaughter asked

“ Yes Amaya don’t eat too much. save some space for dinner.” - you nodded

“Now why does my child comes to you for everything , like i’m not her mother “- your best friend Laila laughed

“ It’s because I say yes to everything. “- You smirked

Today was officially the day of the “ Williams Family “ baby shower. A baby shower for your first born and you couldn’t be more excited. You didn’t really care what the baby was as long as they were healthy but you were lowkey wishing for a girl. You’ve always dreamed about having a little girl & have always thought you were “ a girl mom”

“ Y/N I’m truly excited for you to join the mommy club. The last one in our group to have a baby. You and Riri will be amazing mommies. “- Laila smiled

“ I can’t wait, I know Riri definitely cant wait she’s been excited as hell since the positive pregnancy test, I’m grateful i found someone who I not only love but my family and friends love too.”- You added

You watched as Riri interacted with your parents. They loved her as if she was their own. They always wanted Riri at family events , trips & dinners. She just fit in so well with your family and you couldn’t be happier.

Riri happily skipped over to you giggling

“ Baby I’m really excited for today .“- she smiled.

“ What do you think you’re having Riri ?” - Laila questioned

“ A girl for sure , i can just sense it”- Riri smiled as she bent down to kiss your stomach

Ever since you found out you were pregnant Riri has been wanting a girl. She INSISTED the baby was a girl, she’d go out and buy girl baby clothes anytime you both went shopping. She’d buy onesies with sayings like “ Mommy’s Princess “ “ Mamas Little Girl “ “ Mamas Girl “. She’d buy the cutest hair bows and cute little dresses.

“ If this baby isn’t a girl I will jump you, cause the way you’ve insisted my lil bean is a girl since day 1.”- You laughed

“ Listen i can feel it in my bones she’s a girl. Lets go get changed so we can get this reveal started “- Riri smirked

—

You opted on wearing an all white dress because you could not decide on what to wear and this dress was one of the only things you could fit in at the moment. Riri of course wore something pink. She decided on a pink t-shirt and a pair of white jeans.

“ My baby mama so sexy. “- Riri grinned as she came behind you and wrapped her arms around your stomach.

“You’re going be the best mom ever, lil bean will love you so much, and I really hope they come out with your beautiful smile and your kind heart .” - Riri smiled as she kissed your cheek.

“ You’ll be an amazing mom too baby. I can already see them walking around the house with those little gadgets you build .”- You smiled and kissed her on the forehead

“ Let’s go find out what our baby is “- Riri laughed excitedly

—

You both are standing in front of your family and friends holding a huge balloon, while both your mom and Riris mom are standing behind you ready to press to two canons.

“ Welcome to the Williams Gender Reveal, we are genuinely so grateful to everyone who showed up, to everyone who brought our little baby gifts, to everyone who’s shown love since day one of us announcing this pregnancy, we both just really appreciate it and love all of you. Now let’s get this started “- Riri smiled

“ Also to save us the troubles , we decided on telling you the names we picked. If she’s a girl her name will be “ Zayla Grace Williams” Zayla meaning “ dark beauty” . Grace being a middle name passed down from my family’s generation and Williams being our last name. If he’s a boy his name will be Cairo Demetrius Williams. Cairo meaning “victorious one”. Demetrius is the name of Riris father and again Williams being our last name. Now let’s seeing what the Williams are having, I’m going to need you guys to count down for us. “ - You smiled

Riri looked over at you and pressed a kiss against your temple. “i love you baby ” Riri whispered against your cheek as she placed another kiss there. You smiled and kissed her lips.

Both families stood there in awe at you guys.

“Ready to countdown!” - Laila cheered as she took her phone out to record

FIVE

FOUR

THREE

TWO

ONE

At this moment it felt like everything went in slow motion. You suddenly looked up seeing pink smoke and pink confetti everywhere . Family and friends jumping around in excitement.

“ HOLY SHIT ITS A GIRL “ - Riri screamed and she ran over to hug you

You were lost for words because your dream actually came true. You were going to be a girl mom. Tears started running down your cheeks as you felt everyone coming over to hug you

“I told you it would be a girl. We’re going to have our own little princess” - Riri whispered

——-

i was reading someone else’s story in a completely different fandom and got inspired.

[shadowdaddies]

hello! Dorian and reader had a bad argument and reader acts like she's right but then she understands she's wrong and now she has to make it up for him? And it's very hard for her. (And Dorian teases her a little about it?)

Thank you

I don't know what came over me when I wrote this. I couldn't write a serious argument with Dorian so I changed it a bit to be a prank on Chaol. It's so silly, it's low-key a crackfic. I giggled the whole time I wrote this

The Bet

Dorian x Reader silly fluff

You gave Dorian a deadpan stare as he arched a challenging eyebrow at you. Rolling your eyes, you scoffed at him. “You cannot convince Chaol that you’re a ghost! He’s not that stupid, Dorian. You’ve seen him so many times since you and Aelin forged the lock - you’re the godfather to his children!”

Dorian simply gave you an arrogant smirk, shrugging a shoulder. “Do you want to make a bet, then? I say that I can convince Chaol that I died and I’ve been ruling Adarlan as a ghost, you say that I can’t... Whoever is wrong has to go down and listen to Mort rant for one hour without interrupting him.” 

With a sound of disgust, you shook your head and sighed, “Dorian, that’s horrible.” But you couldn’t help the smirk on your face as you shook his hand and winked, “have fun with Mort.”

~~~

Chaol and Yrene arrived with their children that evening, their little girl Josefin giggling as you scooped her up in your arms. “You’ve grown so much since I last saw you!” You said, giving your goddaughter a kiss on the cheek before giving Yrene and Chaol hugs. You were rocking their baby boy, Brullo, in your arms when Chaol pressed, “where is Dorian? You think he’d be here to greet us by now.”

Confusion crossed your features as well as the question, and you became slightly worried as you yourself wondered where Dorian was. Before you could answer Chaol’s question, Dorian entered the room, looking more solemn than you’d ever seen him, a bluish light flickering around him. Chaol rushed over to embrace him, but Dorian merely held up a hand, halting Chaol in his tracks.

With a dramatic sigh, Dorian clutched his chest as he turned nearly transparent, a faint glow around his form. The rest of you stood frozen in shock, Dorian looking up with a sorrowful look on his face as he spoke softly. “I did not know how to tell you in writing, Chaol. We had only recently discovered that nothing could be done.” With a shaky breath, Dorian continued, “I died that day that Aelin and I forged the lock. I’ve been able to appear for some time in my old form, much like Elena, with our similar raw magic. But it seems to be fading, and I don’t know how much longer I will hold onto this spirit form.” Dorian choked out the last part with an overdramatic sob, crashing to his knees before Chaol to hide his fake anguish.

You gave Dorian a flat look from where you stood behind Chaol and Yrene, about to speak when Chaol himself started crying. “We’ll get through this, Dor. Yrene and I will help, we’ll figure this out together.” You cut him off, “Oh. My. Gods. What is wrong with you, Dorian?”

Chaol and Yrene whipped around to look at you, shock on their faces at your insensitivity. Dorian fell over laughing on the ground, returning to his normal appearance - Yrene quickly understanding Dorian’s stupid prank. “You’d better be glad that your goddaughter is playing out front, Dorian,” she scolded through the smile that tugged at her lips. 

Chaol looked at Dorian, tense for a moment before playfully shoving him in the chest. “You asshole,” he said as you all laughed at Dorian’s antics and Chaol’s concern. You stomach dropped when you realized what this meant for you, though, and Dorian flashed you a charming smile as he declared that he had won the bet. 

“There was a bet?” Yrene questioned, and you sighed. “Yes, because Dorian convinced Chaol FOR A SECOND that he was a ghost, I have to go listen to Mort talk for an hour.” Chaol let out a rough laugh, clutching his stomach as he shook his head. “No way you’re doing that on your own. Dorian deserves that punishment too for pulling that shit.”

~~~

And that was how you found yourself with Dorian, sitting on the damp floors outside the tomb as Mort droned on, making snide remarks about how the kingdom was once so great, now ruled by two idiots. You snickered at Dorian, pushing past him to run up the stairs when the hour was up only for him to catch you around the waist, pressing a kiss to your cheek as he teased, “I did win the bet, and I’ve yet to claim a prize since I had to join you... I’ll be thinking about what I want.” You rolled your eyes as Dorian took your hand, tugging you along as you went to join Chaol, Yrene, and your godchildren for dinner.

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Trouble at Hellfire

maybe Reader and Arwen are going to see Eddie at Hellfire and you hear them (Eddie’s not in the room obviously because he would end them) talk about how annoying it is to have you constantly there (not Dustin though bc he’s an angel) & you’re already suffering with PostPartum Depression, so you go home and cry your eyes out, when Eddie gets home, you cry to him and he has a LONG chat with them and they all come over and apologize?

Warnings; angst to fluff, mentions of postpartum depression. Eddie being a sweetheart and an adorable girl dad.

Likes or reblogs are always appreciated. 💞

Repost as the tags are being a complete dick right now 🙄💞

I do not give anyone permission to copy my work.

💞💞

Having a baby was a wonderful thing, it brought her and Eddie even closer, and Arwen brought so much joy into their lives.

What no one told you about having a baby though was postpartum depression.

It's something that yn never thought of but when she started to suffer from mood swings, increased crying spells, anxiety and a feeling of hopelessness that she would never be a good mother.

She confided her feelings to Eddie and he let her cry it all out and then they went to the doctor who suggested therapy to talk it through.

It did take a little while and sometimes she had that feeling of not being a good mother but she had Eddie and all of her family and friends around her to help.

Today she was going to see Eddie at Hellfire like she did every week. He loved having Arwen there to listen to him and now that she was a bit older was fascinated by everything Eddie did.

She was a daddy's girl through and through, though she did love her cuddles with mama too.

Eddie was just finishing up work and then joining Hellfire. He should be here very soon, though he might go home to change, etc.

Yn thought he looked sexy as hell when he would come home in his mechanic uniform, slight grease stains on his body, hair in a bun and she told him so.

( and showed him too ;)

As she slips into Hellfire she pauses as she hears Mike's voice.

"It's so annoying having a baby around" Mike moans.

"No one else's partner comes here, El doesn't or Max or Suzie so why does yn get special privilege?" Mike asks and Jeff frowns.

"Yeah, having a baby crying can be annoying but what can we do?". Jeff shrugs.

"I like yn a lot and Arwen is sweet but come on! It's Hellfire Club, not a babysitting club? How can we do mega campaigns with a baby crying and Eddie gets distracted sometimes" her heart sinks even more as Gareth says this and she sighs.

She's pissed off but at the same time what they are saying is right and she feels tears pool down her cheeks.

Dustin bless him, the sweet angel glares at Gareth, Jeff and Mike and huffs.

"Shut the fuck up, none of you has kids or wives so you don't get to say what yn should be doing of not. She's one of my best friends and Arwen is my goddaughter! Enough!"

She smiles hearing Dustin stick up for her, even Lucas is nodding along with what Dustin is saying and Will.

But the words still stick in her mind and she drives home.

💞💞

Eddie is glad to be home, he just wants his two princesses by his side, to enjoy Hellfire and then spend time with his girls.

The minute he walks through the door he hears quiet sobbing and panics that maybe yn is having symptoms of postpartum depression again and rushes through to comfort his love.

"Sweetheart? What's wrong?" He asks her thinking that if anyone has upset her then he will kick their ass.

He's always been protective of his princess but he's even more so now.

Eddie listens to what Yn says, she won't name names but he is pissed. He came home from a shit day at work to his Princess crying and then trying to say it was nothing.

He knew her better than that and once he had greeted Arwen who was sleeping like an angel.

"There's my sweet girl, daddy missed you and your mama so much sweetheart" he kisses Arwen on the cheek and then settles beside yn.

"Princess, what happened?" That's when it cams out what the others at Hellfire said, she wouldn't name names just that he was probably sick of her and Arwen being there like some of the boys were.

"No! I love having you there princess and Arwen, it's one of the highlights of my week having my two princesses at Hellfire" she smiles softly and snuggles into him.

"What are your other highlights?" she asks him and he kisses her forehead.

"Coming home to you and Arwen every day, waking up with you in my arms in the morning" she melts and kisses him.

"I love you, Eddie, you big softie" he grins and cuddles her closer.

"I love you too beautiful, ooh I forgot about one last highlight! Homemade waffles on Sundays with my girls" she giggles and nods, of course.

"I think I'll still stay in if that's okay Eds?" She tells him and he nods sadly.

He understands but it doesn't stop the anger he feels at the boys. He kisses yn on the head and she smiles.

"Are you sure princess?" She nods and cuddles up on the couch.

"Yeah, just wanna spend time with Arwen, and headache" he nods and strokes her cheek softly.

"It isn't because of what some of those buttheads said is it?" she shakes her head and he relaxes.

"No, just a headache". She reassures him and he kisses her again.

Oh, he was going to give these assholes hell.

💞💞

Eddie enters Hellfire and the minute the boys see his dark look they stopped talking.

"Where's yn?" Dustin asks disappointed and Eddie glares at them, not at Dustin though he knows it wouldn't be him that made yn upset.

"She's not coming. I found her at home crying and she wouldn't tell me who but some of you upset her with what you said, she heard it all before she came in".

He looks around and notices that Jeff, Gareth and Mike look uncomfortable and he scowls.

Bingo!

"We didn't mean it, it's just sometimes it's annoying that none of our partners can come along but yn can and Arwen!". Mike says and Eddie loses it.

"She's my wife! Arwen is my little girl. Hellfire is important to me of course but nothing is more important than my girls, Yn has been struggling for a little while on and off, she's better now but she likes to be close right now and I'm not going to deny her that because you have a problem Wheeler!"

Gareth bites his lip.

"We are sorry man, we know yn and Arwen are important to you".

"The most important. I love them both so fucking much and I want them here. Do you know what it's like seeing yn look so proud during my campaigns? Arwen watching her daddy so enraptured. There's nothing like it man".

Mike looks contrite but still groans out.

"Yeah but when Arwen starts crying and you get distracted" Eddie rolls his eyes.

"She's my baby you dipshit, of course, I am going to comfort her and she's just little. Of course, she will cry sometimes".

They quiten looking abashed.

"Gather everything. We are going to do Hellfire at my house and you three are going to apologise"

Dustin is glaring at them.

"Told you Eddie would be pissed! And you gave yourselfs away!" Eddie ruffles his hair knowing Dustin would always stick up for his girls.

💞

Yn is surprised when Eddie comes home with the boys. Dustin and Will give her a big hug and Lucas too who asks if he and Max could babysit for them again.

"Of course, Arwen loves you two. I made muffins and m&m brownies would you all like some?"

Everyone grins happily and Gareth and Jeff step up and immediately apologise.

"We are really sorry about what we said earlier"

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier, that wasn't fair. We all love you and Arwen" his apology is sweet and sincere and she hugs them and gestures them both into the kitchen.

Eddie pushes Mike her way and he looks down.

"Yeah, I am sorry too. Was out of line" she accepts his apology and hugs him.

Arwen wakes from her nap and is very excited babbling away and yn cuddles her close breathing in that baby smell that is so lovely.

Then she sees her daddy and babbles even more making grabby hands at Eddie which makes her smile.

"There's my little angel. Hi, baby girl" he holds Arwen close and blows raspberries on her cheek which makes her giggle in delight and it's such a sweet sight.

Hellfire begins and she settles down with Arwen in her arms feeling a lot better and ready to watch her husband as The Dungeon Master which was always very sexy if she did say so herself.

💫💞

[faithhopeloveandtherapy]

Urgh you guys! I have not written about this on here until now for reasons of respect and privacy, but my goddaughter, who is also the daughter of my best friend, was diagnosed with an eating disorder a few months ago and is now under the care of the local eating disorder team for early intervention. It is early days in the stages of an eating disorder, if that makes sense. I don’t really want to say mild, but that is where it is.

So back when all this started I said to my friend (who supported me through my whole ed recovery journey and who at one point I had to give my house keys to and ask her to go and remove the weighing scales because I couldn’t bring myself to do it), take the weighing scales out of your bathroom. And she said, oh yes they don’t work anyway because no batteries. All good on that front then.

Fast forward to this week. Goddaughter has had her first therapy session and the number one thing that came out of it is that she is not to weigh herself except in her weekly therapy sessions. (Goddaughter does not speak very freely to her mum, but she talks to a teacher who relays to her mum who relays to me). Cue conversation:

Me: I wonder where she’s weighing herself?

Friend/mum: In our bathroom

Me: wtaf?? I thought your scales didn’t work

Friend/mum: oh I had to put batteries in them to weigh her for the referral and then I just left them there

Me *internally screaming*: Remove the scales

Friend/mum: her dad spoke to her and she said she didn’t want them removed

Me: of course she didn’t! She’s got an eating disorder! But leaving them available is just enabling the eating disorder!

Friend/mum: Oh I just don’t know what to do

Me: aaaaagh!!!

Omg I was lying awake last night feeling so frustrated with this situation. I have spoken quite frankly with my friend about how her daughter is not going to like any of the changes she has to make because the eating disorder develops as a coping strategy to make a person feel better, and undoing that is not going to be comfortable and is going to involve doing things that don’t make her daughter feel good straight away. My friend, for reasons I don’t fully understand, finds it very difficult to actively “parent” when that involves anything uncomfortable or that might cause upset, even though my friend is a very functional adult with a responsible job where she sets boundaries in all sorts of ways.

[yaachtynoboat711]

Coffee Bae

Pairing: Kevin Atwater x Black Med! OC (Karis Z. Brown, M.D., F.A.C.S., F.A.C.C.)

A/N: Hey y’all! Happy New Year! After the love “Just One Round” received, I wanted to give y’all an origin story. Also, I wanted to modify something. While Black women wake up phenomenal beings, we can’t do everything. That being said, Karis is just cardiothoracic surgeon, rather than both a trauma AND cardiothoracic surgeon. I’m sure she’ll thank me for lessening her load. Y’all ready? Cool, here’s the story!

**I had to re-upload because the rough draft uploaded rather than the finished product. I apologize**

Summary: A chance meeting at the local coffee shop get Kevin and Karis together.

Word Count: 1384

Warning(s): Black Love, language

Pressurized steam, clinking porcelain, shouted names, and scattered conversations were the soundtrack to Karis’s morning trip to her favorite coffee shop, Jahva Coffee Bazaar. Her godparents’ coffee shop had been her safe haven since she moved to Chicago nearly a year ago. Karis traded in Hand Grenades and beignets for Harold’s mild wings and miserable winters. However, with the dramatic change in environment came unprecedented professional and personal growth.

Today was her first lecture at Chicago Central. She would be speaking to the med school students as a part of their cardiology education. Nervous was an understatement; she spent most of the day before revising and rehearsing the lecture. Now, she was at Jahva in her usual spot: the corner booth in towards the back.

One of the unique elements of Jahva was the element of community. Bruce and Juanita— Karis’s godparents— insisted strangers sit together when it got busy. For some reason, today was that day. The Friday morning traffic was busier than usual; more students and professionals stationed their electronics on the tables and counters. To make matters worse, it rained throughout the morning.

Kevin braved the rain to make it to Jahva. Wayward droplets cascaded off of the sleeves of his black puffy coat, falling to the welcome mat at the front door. He scanned the coffee shop for an available seat as he stood in line, cursing to himself as he failed to find a vacant spot.

Sure enough, he spotted Karis in her corner booth. Just as he confirmed his intended destination, Bruce, her godfather and shop owner, caught Kevin’s attention.

“Kevin, my man! What’s good witcha this mornin’?” The two men dapped each other up.

“Can’t complain, Unc. I don’t have to be at the station until later on…,” his eyes wandered back towards Karis,”…so I’m here.”

This time, her gaze met his. She grinned and returned her focus to her MacBook.

Kevin resumed his conversation with Bruce, “Aye real quick. Gotta question for ya, Unc.”

“Shoot.”

“Do you know who that beautiful young lady is over there?” Kevin nodded in her direction as to not gain attention to himself.

Bruce chuckled to himself, “Of course. She’s my goddaughter. She’s a surgeon and just moved into the city bout a year ago. If you want to sit by her, just go over there. I’ll send your usual that way.”

Kevin patted Bruce’s back in appreciation, “Good lookin’ out, Unc.”

Karis watched the tall, handsome man strut towards her. In a panic, she re-opened her lecture notes on her laptop. She had to look busier than she actually was. Her commitment to the diversion worked. She felt a presence in front of her. Her eyes met his once again, this time, she smiled, revealing the thin gap that nestled between her two front teeth. His gaze intensified.

“Is uhh…,” Kevin began to fumble over his words, “is this uhhh…seat…taken?”

Karis chuckled at his schoolboy-like nervousness, “Actually, I was hoping you sat next to me when you came in.” She picked her work bag out of the empty seat across from her, “Please, have a seat.”

Kevin bit his lip as he sat down, excited that she accepted his request. He thanked her, to which she graciously welcomed him. As he sat down, he reached his hand out towards her, “I’m Kevin by the way. Kevin Atwater.”

She quickly shook his hand, “Karis Brown. Pleasure to meet you.”

“Karis? I like that,” a grin spread across his face, “Beautiful name for a beautiful lady.”

The next twenty minutes were spent with a lively introductory conversation. He was shocked to hear that she was born in Colorado Springs and raised in North Memphis. Like most people, he observed that didn’t seem to have a Memphis. “Oh no, honey, I’m just not around my peoples. God knew not to let me work at home,” she joked.

“Oh, so you from Memphis?! North Memphis?! Project Pat, ‘Today you'll hear the story of Russell Resthaven and the day he tried to save his girlfriend’, Nawf Memphis?!” he jokingly replied as he pulled his coffee closer to him.

Before she could acknowledge his knowledge of Memphis rap, her phone lit up with the reminder of the engagement in 45 minutes. “Shit!,” she yelped. She put her laptop and tablet in her “professional” work bag—a large bronze Telfar shopping bag. She took a napkin and scribbled on it. “I’m sorry, but I gotta go. It was nice to meet you, Kevin. Have a great day,” she called out as she walked out.

A defeated Kevin looked to Bruce, who just shrugged his shoulders. As she reversed out of the parking lot, a knot of guilt pained Karis’s stomach. She didn’t want their conversation to end so abruptly. However, it had been years since she held an entertaining conversation with a man. “Don’t worry, he’ll be at Jahva another day,” Karis assured herself as she drove to Chicago Central University. Only time would tell.

Sundays were for church, sports, and cleaning. Karis made it to church, even after working an overnight shift. After church and a quick nap, it was time to complete the weekly cleaning reset. Karis changed out of her scrubs in favor of the new fuzzy lounge set her mother sent as a house-warming gift. She then lit a fresh linen scented candle before calling on her Google home device, “Hey, Google. Shuffle my holy ghost cleaning playlist.”

“You got it. Shuffling Holy Ghost Cleaning Playlist on Spotify.” Her Nest got things started with Fred Hammond’s “We’re Blessed”.

Song after song, she rid the house of the passing messes made during the week. She re-homed the pile of boxes that crowded the foyer to their respective places. She swept and cleaned her floors. Finally, she gave the kitchen a deep clean: mopping the floors, disinfecting the newly-installed granite countertops, and washed the dish towels and carpets. Maintaining a clean house as an on-call surgeon was hard; but the thought of cleaning during the week was laughable.

The praise and worship cleaning service faded out to an incoming call from a 708 number.

She jogged to the living room to see the unknown number. She initially wanted to push it off, assuming it was a scam call. Yet, something told her to answer.

“Karis Brown,” she answered with reasonable hesitation.

“Karis,” there was a sigh of relief on the other end, “Girl, you had me worried you wasn’t finna answer.”

“Kevin?,” she asked.

“Not gon’ hold you, I was scared I’d never talk to you again until I looked down and saw your name and number on that napkin.”

“I was hoping you’d gotten it. How was your weekend?”

The two engaged in small talk once again, he asked how the Friday lecture went and the weekend went overall. All went well by her account.

“Listen, I uh…was wondering…if umm…you wanted to…go to brunch in about an hour? It’s a place I’ve been meaning to go that’s in Bronzeville. I wasn’t sure if you were in church or sleep or anything like that.”

She chuckled at his consideration, “You’re so cute. I went to 7:30 Eucharist after my shift this morning so I’m good to go. I would love to continue our conversation.”

“Bet, so it’s… 10:45 now. Say I meet you at noon?”

“Sounds good. See you then, Kevin.”

Karis couldn’t put your finger on it exactly, but something about talking to Kevin refreshed her soul. Karis’s walk to her closet was a scurried shuffle. She was elated for the outing with Coffee Bae.

Fin.

My Lawwwd! A Taglist Turlaaaaaaa!

@muse-of-mbaku @kumkaniudaku @goddessofthundathighs @mbakusthrone @mbakuwife @crushed-pink-petals-writes @forgottenthoughtsandmemories @jackburtonsays @randomwordprompts @bakarilennox @wakandan-flowerz @ljstraightnochaser @babygirlofwakanda @eerythingisshaka @turn-thy-paige @darqchilddaydreamz @doublesidedscoobysnacks @wakandas-vibranium @oshasimone @destinio1 @sonofnjobu @teheeboo @sarahboseman @itsjustyazz @iamrheaspeaks @chaneajoyyy @lovelynervouschaos @katasstrophey @mareethequeen @jozigrrl @jellybean531 @awerkofart @storibambino @blackgirloneshots @royallyprincesslilly @certifiednatural @orchiddreamz

[moonshine-nightlight]

2023 Writing/Stories Look-Forward

thanks to everyone who's read and liked and commented and tagged and sent in asks for my writing this year!

today i sat down to sketch out a vague--and definitely not set in stone plan for 2023--and I thought i'd share it with you guys, from a very high level and with the caveat that it will likely not be followed to the letter as i always inevitably bite off more than i can chew

but i lik to shoot high! lol so here's what i've got

Main goal: finishing the first draft of Nothing's Wrong with Dale and getting it all posted. this is the goal i'm most confident about and will lik, cannibalize other parts of my plan to achieve. i also have some like bonus offshoots for Dale, but those will likely get posted after the story is over and so are not part of the plan

Short Story goals: I plan to finish both Selfish (f!naga) and Free Piano: Haunted (m!spirit). I want to put out my Sci-Fi oneshot Snapped (m!alien) and the three part Seen (f!deity) - both of which i posted sneak peeks of a little while ago for that 'WIPs u didn't finish this year' ask meme.

Then it gets a little fuzzy - i'll either do two shorter 5 parts fics (both with winged monsters f&m) or one longer fic (probably Goddaughter or Quid Pro Quo - both m!demon fics), depending on what i'm feeling like for lik April-May ish. My summer fic will be about a runalong. In the fall/winter, I'll post the rest of Free Piano: Haunted and Feral (f!hellhound).

Choosing these from all my ideas was super hard, but I think i'm happy with what i picked (and all are technically subject to change).

At least, that's the plan.

As far as the short term, i plan to finish off some shorter things now (Selfish, Snapped, and Seen - idk y they all start with 'S' lol) in January. After that February and March are literally the busiest time of year for me at work and this will not be an easy busy season so I might literally post nothing (which is another reason that part of my plan is so up in the air). I will be working a minimum of 6 days a week, 55 hours a week - likely more than that so my brain will not be up for much writing during that time.

Hiatus: Last year I was able to keep posting Nothing's Wrong with Dale for some of January, but that's not going to be the case this year - putting up half of the next 4 part arc and then not finishing it until April would be unfair imo - both to you for the cliffhanger and to me because i will be able to write them far better if i write all oft he at once/in a row. So no more Dale until April, I'm afraid. The only reason I'll be able to post some of the other things at all in January is because most of them are already partially done where as next Dale is not started.

Feel free to send in any asks about upcoming/current stories! Happy New Year!

(please note that this is me, if anything, overestimating how much I'll be able to write and asking me to change my mind about say, Dale, to be more frequent etc will not work)

[jlf23tumble]

Hi, Jen! Feel free to skip this if you don’t feel like discussing but I feel like you’re one of the few people who actually allows for ambiguity / the unknown, and the only thing I know for sure is that we can’t be sure of anything. If I had to guess, I’d bet the HL reality is messy and complicated and not the « soulmates who met as teens and have only ever slept with each other since 2010 (or period) » narrative that so many people have just accepted as truth. That said, do you think H is queer? I really can’t get past all of the signaling over the years, and I realize he could be queer and still with women, I just have never thought he seems straight, or even convincingly attracted to women. I never thought Holivia was real, but (1) an upper thigh tattoo is so intimate, it’s not likely going to be for a theoretical goddaughter, you know? And (2) the whole thing was just so messy and embarrassing. I don’t know, just wondered if you think he’s queer/bi/pan or leans mostly straight and has probably just fooled around with men a bit over the years (maybe Louis, others). 👀

My own belief is that Harry is not straight--what that looks like in the day to day is anyone's guess because people change, grow, experiment, etc., and it's a deeply personal thing, plus he's lived a lot of lives in less than 30 years, the shit he has seen and/or done, wowzers! I put a lot more of my thoughts in the tags, but he's way into cock, like WAY into it, and I think that's a lot of the that on the it's what it's of it all. But to one of your points, I honestly don't think the relationship with Oliva was all that messy or embarrassing, I think a lot of his fans were fucking messy AND embarrassing, people casually observing it all didn't have that vibe (and if you want to come for me on that, come for me with some actual non-larry facts about it). Anyway, Harry Styles having the most rigidly binary fandom in the world is an irony for our time, lmao (and also, ouch).

[displayheartcode]

May I please ask what went down between halley and greengrass in your genderbender Harry Potter fic lore 😂😂

it was baaaaaad.

according to my notes for you’re where the edge began, it went like this -

damian greengrass isn’t like other slytherins

spoilers: he’s worse (worst? one day i’ll get this right on the first try)

sure, halley is drawn to how mature he seems compared to their fellow classmates, but all his talk about being “neutral” and causal pureblood snobbery makes her grit her teeth

but he treats her like a “proper lady” and that makes her feel nice

“okay, but maybe I can change him?”

in a fit of vulnerability, she tells him about sirius

but the problem is that when you’re a certain type of pureblood, you’re used to getting what you want. and maybe halley calls him out for being a dick, maybe she says no to having sex again because she feels like she’s losing her mind, but it doesn’t matter because she does break up with him right before exams

and damian tells his voldemort-sympathizing parents about sirius, and word spreads that the man would do anything to save his goddaughter and vice versa

(being a self-absorbed teenager, damnian doesn’t think his actions have any consequences, but uhhh, oops)

returning to hogwarts after seeing her godfather murdered, halley curses damian in a way that has him staying in the infirmary for a solid week

down, down the line, damian nearly suffers a heart attack after hearing the news that his nephew scorpius is dating that potter-weasley boy

[sassymajesty]

Rascal would like to know your top 4 other favourite cats, he knows he’s number one!

luna, my #1 girl, my french goddaughter. i've known her since she was a baby and would hide behind every piece of furniture because she doesn't like people, i've watched her grow up and she's just amazing, okay, i love her so much 🥹

2. leona. she's a balinese cat and so fluffy i break out in hives just sitting beside her. she moved to a farm and loves exploring, and she also loves being carried back home when she gets tired.

3. romeo. taken from us too soon, my baby boy. he was my best friend's cat, all grey fur and yellow eyes, gorgeous. he was the chillest cat i've ever known. he'd lie down on anyone who walked into the house. he got kidney issues, but he was so loved

4. my neighbor's the three cats that chill in the hall every now and then. i'll tell you, getting home from a long day and finding those three girls ready for cuddles? life changing

[books1031]

Dancing in the Kitchen

Harry and Draco had been listening to the wireless as they were making breakfast. They had been secretly seeing once another for about a year, and although his friends had been dying to know who the ‘bird’ Harry was seeing was, he refused to tell them. Not our of shame, not out of fear to how they would react to him being bent- although there was fear of how they would react, but because he was enjoying having something that was just his. Someone who was just his. 

It was all because of Robards honestly, if the man hadn’t assigned them as Auror partners after Ron had quit to help George with the shop full time, the two men would never have properly put their past behind them and move on. Granted it had taken them almost a year of being partners, dancing around their feelings for one another. 

He remembered it as though it was yesterday, one of the most scared he’s felt in years, since the war. Draco had almost died on the field before Harry decided enough was enough and kissed the him in the hospital after he had woken up. The nurse who had walked in during it was naturally rather surprised but didn’t mention anything, deciding to be profession and just act as though they hadn’t seen the chosen one snogging his Auror partner. 

When the nurse had walked out Darco turned to him and asked what the bloody hell that was for, but he wasn’t upset- hell their hands were still connected (Harry was holding it while he was unconscious and refused to let go the entire time he had been there). 

Harry just shook his head, he still had tears in his eyes. “You almost died Draco. We can’t keep going on as if we don’t like each. Because I do, like you. And I don’t can’t go another day acting as if I don’t.” 

Draco frowned but leaned forward to kiss Harry again. “I like you too you moron.” He told Harry against his lips, the brunette kissed him again. 

And that was it. That was how the two had finally gotten together. And although everyone knew they were friends, they didn’t know that Draco had officially moved into his flat a week ago- although technically the ministry knew because Draco had to change his address on it, but no-one had mentioned anything so he didn’t think that Robards was aware. 

Harry’s friends hadn’t been around since that had happened, not that they had come round all that much since they’d had Rose a few months ago. Harry loves his goddaughter but merlin she could be a handful. Harry had been at their house at least three days a week just to help out with Rose, feeding her or playing with her while Ron and Hermione tried to catch up on sleep or laundry or whathaveyou. 

“Harry? Are you in there love?” Draco asked and Harry turned to look at him, the blonde gave him a smile. “Where were you?” 

“I was just thinking about how much I love you.” Harry didn’t often get all boring and mushy but he couldn’t help it. He was currently making pancakes with the love of his life, listening to muggle radio, wearing their pyjama bottoms- both shirtless with messy morning hair, and just enjoying his company. It was a perfect Sunday morning. 

Draco gave him a smile and walked across the kitchen and gave him a kiss, just as a love song had come on. “Dance with me.” And put his hand out for Harry to take. 

The brunette smiled and took the outstretched hand and immediately found himself pressed against Draco, them swaying and dancing dramatically. He even was twirled a few times. 

The music was loud, the singer -Elvis, Harry was pretty sure- talking about how they couldn’t help falling in love, just as Harry had for Draco. They were so engrossed in one another, dancing around the kitchen, sneaking kisses, that they hadn’t heard the floo light up and his two friends enter into the flat. 

Take my hand. Take my whole life too. 

For I.. can’t… help… falling in love with you.

It wasn’t until the song had finished and the radio person started talking about the weather in London that the two shared a final kiss before separating from each other. Harry turned back towards the pancake mix while Draco turned the other way to grab some butter from the counter when the blonde had paused mid step. 

“Erm, hello Granger, Weasley.” Draco said in a slightly panicked voice. 

Harry turned immediately and his face warmed, standing in the door of the kitchen were Hermione and Ron with surprised looks on their faces, Ron’s mouth dropped open but Hermione had a knowing glint behind her eyes. 

“Good morning Draco, Harry.” Hermione responded. “Draco it’s fancy seeing you here.” She said and Draco laughed. 

“I think you three need to have a conversation. I’ll go get dressed.” Draco then gave Harry a kiss on the cheek as he walked out of the room, Hermione stepping out of the doorway to let him through. Once the blond had left the room Hermione leapt on him- figuratively of course. 

“Harry James Potter!” She sounded scandalised but there was a smile on her face, “And when did this happen?” 

Harry let out a cough and rubbed the back of his neck. Draco knew he was telling his friends right now, in fact he had supported it by walking out of the room- although Harry had a feeling that could’ve been him hiding from Ron- and letting them talk it out. 

“We started dating about a year ago… He moved in last week though.” He didn’t dare look in her eye, he also didn’t double dog dare look at Ron- who was still standing there shocked, well at least he was until Harry mentioned that they had been dating a year. 

“A year! Blimey Harry! How come you didn’t tell us?” Ron started out upset but by the end of his sentence he sounded almost betrayed, Harry understood why. He’s his best mate, how could he have kept something so important from him. 

“I mean, it’s not that I was never going to tell you guys, but I was just enjoying having something to myself if you understand? And not to mention I hadn’t even told you I like blokes let alone that I’m with Draco.” 

“Oh Harry! You never need to worry about telling us anything, you know we will always love and accept you- even if we did have to watch you snog Draco Malfoy at ten in the morning.” Harry let out a laugh. 

“Yeah I know, it’s just well- you know how it is in the muggle world ‘mione. And although I know you would always accept me- Ron too- I don’t want the entire to world to know yet. I love Draco, and It’s no-one else business.” 

Ron walked over and gave Harry a bone crushing hug, Hermione joining a fraction of a second later. “Don’t worry mate, if you ever decide to tell the world you’re bent we’ll hex anyone who gives you even the slightest look the wrong way.” The redhead mumbled against Harry’s shoulder. Harry let out another laugh. 

“I’ll let you know if anyone ever does. And by the way- it’s defiantly not my fault that you entered our flat and caught us snogging.” 

The trio pulled apart just as Draco walked into the room looking weary but Harry gave him a smile, don’t worry. They’re okay with it. He tried to tell Draco with his mind, the other man seemed to get the message because he let out a cough. 

“So, anyone want any tea?” He asked. Hermione and Ron nodded, the latter looking sceptical as Draco grabbed the kettle and filled it with water the muggle way and then turn on the hob to heat the water. 

“So Draco, Harry tells me that you’ve moved in. How do you enjoy the flat?” Hermione asked conversationally. 

Draco was grateful for the acceptance of conversation, “It’s quite nice honestly. I mean I’ve been here countless amounts of times but there’s something special about it now officially being my home too.” Hermione smiled as though that was the answer she was looking for. 

“That’s wonderful! And what were you two cooking before we walked in.” 

“Oh! My mother has become rather taken with cooking and has been forcing me to learn along with her, teaching me recipes whenever I go visit- and so I suggested we make pancakes for breakfast. Harry already knew how to make them of course but he still humoured me about it.” 

“That sounds quite a nice time honestly. I remember my parents allowing me to help cook as I was growing up.” Hermione smiled at the memory. 

“Wait a minute- where’s Rose?” Harry asked suddenly realising that the baby was nowhere to be found. At this moment the kettle started screaming and Draco poured them all a cuppa, and then he took a seat at the table with Ron and Hermione. Harry was standing leaning against the counter. 

“She’s with mum. Can’t believe you’ve only just noticed mate. Actually that’s why we came round, mum’s upset you’re missing another brunch and practically shoved us into the floo to come bring you.” 

And right on cue the floo flared again and he heard Ginny’s voice come through firecall, “Ron! Hermione! Harry! Come on! Mum’s becoming insufferable over here!” Ron and Hermione looked at one another, Harry looked at Draco. 

“Just a minute Gin!” Ron shouted back and they heard her huff before ending the firecall. “So you guys coming? Not that you really have a choice mind, mum really is going to kill you if you don’t come.” 

“ ‘You guys?’ ” Draco asked suddenly paling realising that he was being invited to the Burrow.

“Well yeah, only if you’re okay going of course, but I’m sure mum would love to see who’s been making Harry so happy the last while.” Ron grinned. “Come on Malfoy, you’re not scared are you?” 

“To be in a house full of Weasley’s who certainly aren’t my biggest fans- absolutely I am.” 

“Hey, that’s Weasleys, Weasley-Grangers, and Potter’s to you.” Ron said in false aggression pointing his finger at Draco, a shite-eating grin on his face as he said this. 

Harry glanced at Draco who was already looking at him, saw the look on his face and then took the few steps over and wrapped his arms around him, talking quietly in his ear (though Hermione and Ron could defiantly hear), “Come on Draco they’ll love you.” 

“I don’t know- I was never nice to most of them, I can’t blame them for hating me and not wanting me there.” He mumbled back. 

“Oh hush Malfoy, you’re coming- no-one will have an issue with you being there, we all love Harry too much to mind who he’s shagging.” Ron shushed Malfoy and then took a stand from the seat he had sat in while he sipped his tea.

With one last look at Malfoy, reading his expression, Harry turned to Ron, “Aright give me a minute to get dressed and then we can all head over together.” 

[motownfiction]

dirty blade

Sadie stands in the kitchen of her new apartment, chopping up a tomato. She’s making pesto penne for dinner tonight. It’s Thursday, the night when Daniel’s mother used to make the best dinner of the week – the night where she still makes the best dinner of the week, just not for Daniel anymore, on account of his marriage to Sadie two months ago. But Sadie wants to make it feel the way it used to, so she puts on “That’s Life” and gets to boiling water and chopping up tomatoes. Daniel will be home from his last class any minute now.

Really, Sadie should have started making dinner an hour ago. But Lucy dropped by with Elenore, and she’s not one to turn away from an impromptu visit with her best friend (and her best goddaughter). She probably would have had them stay longer if she hadn’t looked at the time. In fact, she knows she would have.

It’s not that Daniel expects dinner on the table when he gets home from school or work. He didn’t grow up like that, except for on Thursday nights. He didn’t grow up like that, and he didn’t decide to get married for the antiquity. They might be the only couple in the world who proposed to each other. Sadie thought that when they got married, that’s how life would be: equal and even, just like when they got engaged at the mall. Most days, it’s just like that.

But then, there are Thursdays.

And Sadie finds herself playing the role of a mother hen with no chickens.

She finishes chopping up the tomato and looks at the dirty blade before she drops it in the kitchen sink. She’s not sure how much time passes as she stares at the little red flecks. Probably not that long. It doesn’t matter because it feels like an hour. She can hear Frank Sinatra in the back of her thoughts.

I’ve been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet / a pawn and a king …

As she stares at those little red flecks on the knife, she wonders how many little hats she puts on during the week – during a single day. She wonders if anybody even notices her changing those hats … if it’s appreciated, or if she’s doing it all for nothing. Nothing but the expectation of Sadie. That’s just what Sadie does, she thinks, feeling almost out of her body. Sadie is whoever you need her to be.

Daniel’s happy to see pesto penne on the table tonight. He tells Sadie she didn’t have to do that. Sadie can tell he really means it, too. He’s not the kind of guy who needs dinner on the table as soon as he walks through the door. He wouldn’t even know how to be.

But Sadie thinks she has to be the kind of woman who can put it there.

And she’s just not sure what she’s supposed to do with that.

(part of @nosebleedclub february challenge -- day xx! it is technically still monday in my time zone, so i am technically still on time)

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

THE 1 YEAR REWATCH CONCLUSION POST

AND THERE WE GO, I REWATCHED THE ENTIRE SHOW!!!!! AND THE TAG IS ALMOST LIKE 900 POSTS NOW HOLY FUCK

Where to begin, where to begin... you're never finished talking about dcla shows, there 100000 things I wanna discuss and I have forgotten them all.

I've realized that I like Lutteo when they are friends. When they're just buddies joking around. I also only like their scenes in s3. Again, when they're just being friends.

I really change my opinion depending on the episode. If you ask me pre-s3 about who I want Luna to end up with, it's with Simón. I'll write 10 emotional posts about it. After 3x10? I want her to end up single. She'll be thriving as single.

I am grateful for all the context I've gotten for @soylunaoncrack. That blog will update much less now. Every day I change the queue, so sometimes it's 15 posts per day, other times 4, other times 28, other times 10, etc.

Luna, Ámbar and Simón really are the core three. The show is not the same without them. All three have a very special relationship with each other and I'd argue all three are soulmates - but I honestly think, as i've mentioned before, Luna is soulmates with Ámbar and Simón, but it's a little unclear if Simbar are soulmates. Maybe they're "accidental soulmates" aka, they weren't supposed to end together and then just fell for each other and became soulmates by chance.

Sharon could have done so much worse. So, so, much worse. But she didn't. She just sat in her car and stared at them. Like, when the adults got arrested and Luna was alone with Maggie and Rey? Sharon could have come and taken her. She could have come and kidnapped her or anything. I mean, I'm also happy she didn't, and she did commit arson, but I mean... yeah.

Emilia deserved better… but especially Amanda deserved better. Really really did not like what they did to her.

Ámbar!! My girlboss! I love analysing Ámbar's scenes tbh. How she acts, especially how she acts differently in all three seasons. How she wants to break free from Sharon already in s1, but she also goes back to being her perfect little goddaughter again, and again... until eventually, once Sharon's not around, she snaps and then breaks out and can become her true self.

But you know what scenes I love analysing too? JIM AND YAM'S SCENES!!!! :D I hope you will miss my little comment-analyses where I write little comments on screenshots, cause i'll miss them and I wanna use them in the future again. God, it's so fun just seeing them having their little love story in the background and how they slowly realize they're in love.

And I do think that, one reason Yam was so rude to Ramiro in s3 was because she doesn't like boys, and he was the boy everyone told her she was in love with - everyone else convinced her she liked him, everyone else said "you should date him". And so I think that, perhaps, if she was nice to him again, other people would think it was because she had a crush on him and try to make her date him again - and she didn't want that! It was much more about her than about him. And every time I say this, I feel so silly cause the only ones who does analyse Yam in s3 are Yamiro shippers, so they always come with "but she really loved him and was hurt". Which, valid! And I don't want to step on that! But, I also stand with my take on it. Yam is a lesbian and is in love with Jim.

I've really taken a swing on my headcanon of Nina's sexuality. I've really changed it so much. On the one hand, it makes sense for Nina not to be straight with the whole "hiding who you are", "discovering who you are", "coming out of your shell", etc. On the other hand, she's probably the straightest of the bunch. I remember a year ago, I liked the concept of her liking girls, simply because I had the idea of "oh her parents are so nosy but what if they think that she has a crush on a boy when she actually has a crush on a girl and they get surprised". But the further I watched, the more I realized "nah she likes boys". For an entire year I had an ace headcanon on her, but now after rewatching?? I don't think she's ace anymore. For starters, the way she just moaned "ROLLER TRACK!!" out loud, how she's always the one cracking dirty jokes and wiggling her eyebrows... I'd make the argument that, of course an ace person can enjoy and feel all that, but Nina... yeah, I feel like... no, she's not ace. Right now I see her as straight but perhaps... biromantic. Simply because I do like some small scenes with her and Luna.

But Luna to me? Will always be pan. And yes, it may be due to her whole color scheme being the pan flag and the pan flag even showing up in the intro everywhere and in the logo... but it's also that I feel like she's just such an... open spirit? Open for anything, you know? Plus, I have seen chemistry with both boys and girls for her. But I know that this headcanon really won't matter, cause in the end, she always will prioritize roller skating and friendship above anything else <3. Some people see her as ace, and I really get that. I've even considered that she's perhaps ace but panromantic. But... just taking myself as an example: I'm bi, but i'm not really... actively seeking romance. It's not that I don't want it, cause I do feel intrigued by it and I really see myself one day being in a relationship, it's just that... well, no one has really caught my interest and I also introverted and have never been someone who puts myself out there. If it happens, it happens. In the meantime, I love hanging out with my friends (who all are introverted and interested in romance, but too awkward to put themselves out there lmao). And when I am getting a crush, which has happened, then I go into a "haha nooo I don't have a crush whaaaat" spiral - similarly to how Luna is. She's literally the last person to know when she has a crush x)

Even if I bascially don't ship any of the canon ships besides like 2 of them, I do love how supportive the friends are of each other. It's so cute to see.

Well now I have been sitting and writing this for 1 and a half hour, it's fucking 3:30 AM!!! I gotta sleep!!

I'll definitely add stuff. In the meantime, how have you enjoyed my rewatch? Was there anything in particular you enjoyed me talking about? I wanna hear your thoughts!

And thanks everyone who has followed me on this liveblogging journey! It's been so fun! We'll see what's next! All I know now is that it's time to work on a new out of context video, as well as hopefully starting on that new AU...