#i could have probably phrased that all better but I'm very tired now I hope my point comes across the way i intended

[darkacademiaarchivist]

ok I am once again having Thoughts on Nimona:

This has been said before but Nimona and Gloreth's backstory is so incredibly heartbreaking especially because it never occurred to Gloreth to treat Nimona differently because she's a shapeshifter, she just thought it was really cool and they kept being friends. BECAUSE THATS HOW KIDS ARE!!! Yes kids can be incredibly cruel sometimes (I got bullied a lot, I know) but they generally don't care about what's "normal" or not. Prejudice because of specific differences is taught. It's not something that people would naturally do and maybe that's the reason this movie hit me so hard right now because there's all these people demonising queer people lately and I've been do frustrated with people saying that having idk, two dad's in a kid's book will confuse the children...

Nimona isnt just a queer story because there's canon representation but because of the THEMES. Nimona and Gloreth just gave me the vibes of children who behave outside of heteronormativity and get told that they're not supposed to do that and then internalise all that hater and direct it at people who refuse to fit themselves into a box...

Also the fact that Nimona was just defending herself again a mob of people and was made out to be the monster???? What the fuck man....

[ghostiiess]

“you’re my red string”

synopsis: because ni-ki called you ‘bro’, you decided to tease him back with a silent treatment.

warnings: petnames (babe and baby), mention of kisses on the cheek and on your hand, i think that's all? let me know if there's more!

type: fluff (ni-ki’s imagines will always be sfw!!)

wc: around 1k

member: ni-ki from enhypen x gender neutral reader (no pronouns used to describe y/n)

reblogs and likes are really appreciated! not too sure about the end, but lmk if you liked it :D

english's not my main tongue. sorry if i made any mistakes!

permanent taglist: @nsb-rkive @firebenderwolf @yawnzzznnn @ghostyycat7

It's been about three hours since your boyfriend jokingly called you “bro”. He knew you didn't really like the nickname, but he liked teasing you. For him, seeing your cute reaction and your smile was probably the highlights of his day. That's probably one of the many reasons why he deliberately teased you…

You weren't exactly the kind of person who would use the silent treatment to get what you wanted, but you were curious to see his reaction. After all, you also liked to see him smile.

- I'm home! he exclaimed.

You smiled a little, then waited. This was going to be fun.

Not hearing your voice, Ni-Ki repeated the sentence he had just spoken:

- Babe? Are you there?

Your boyfriend and you shared an apartment, and let's just say that the times he uttered the phrase "I'm home" were pretty rare... He always came home late because of his hard work, and he had a lot of practice. It wasn't part of your ritual not to greet him when you were both in the apartment. The rare moments you had together that weren't during the night when you were asleep, you usually played video games with him and listened to him talk about his upcoming concerts and projects with his music group.

Still not hearing you, you could hear a sigh from him. He knew you were there: your shoes were in the hall. You heard him walk from the front door to the living room, where he found you on your phone, no headphones, no videos playing in the background, your ears perfectly tuned to hear him greet you a few minutes earlier.

- Hi.

You didn't even look at him.

- Are you deaf? he laughed, running a hand through his dark hair. I was waiting for your hug...

Whenever he came home, you always put your arms around Ni-Ki's shoulders. You knew he didn't like that kind of attention from people he didn't know very well, but from you? He loved it. He loved the gentle attention you gave him, the loving names you called him, the cuddling time he spent with you... He loved it, but he would never dare to say it to your face.

- Are you okay? Do you sleep with your eyes open now?

You moved to let him know you weren't sleeping, to let him know what you were doing: a silent treatment.

- Oh, I see what you're doing, Y/N...

He gave you a faint smile.

- It's because I called you bro, isn't it?

You didn't answer, which confirmed that he was right.

- You know I said that just to tease you, right? I didn't mean it. And if it makes you feel any better, I'd say you're my best bro.

You obviously didn't answer.

- So you won't talk? All right, then I'll have to make you talk.

Without letting you react, Ni-Ki took your hand and gave it a simple kiss, hoping it would work.

- Do you want to talk now?

Seeing your resistance, your boyfriend approached you, then gave you a kiss on the cheek and a small smile:

- No reaction? That's strange, you always smile when I kiss your cheek...

Sighing, he rested on the back of the sofa.

- It's not easy to make you talk...

Then he had an idea.

- If I can't make you react physically, I'll make you react verbally.

You looked at him and immediately regretted it: he was way too cute.

- I'll tell you what I like about you, and I'll stop when you're tired of me.

He cleared his throat, then began:

- First of all, I love your eyes. I could get lost in them for years and never get tired of it.

Hoping you would answer, he sighed. He missed you, your words, your affection.

- Second, I love your hands. They're so soft…, he added, taking one of your hands and kissing the top of it.

He crossed his fingers with yours and gave you a small smile.

- I love your smile. You always light up the room with yours and every time you smile I think it couldn't be more beautiful, but I'm wrong every time.

You had to bite your lips to hide your smile. You knew you weren't subtle, but you couldn't control your desire to smile.

- Is that a smile I see? Does that mean I can live with a real person again and not a statue? he laughed.

Running a hand through his hair, he continued:

- Should I continue?

Still without an answer, Ni-Ki took the opportunity to continue.

- I like your personality. Actually, I don't think the word "like" is strong enough. I love your personality... You're probably one of the people who means the most to me. You always greet me with a smile on your face and you are always understanding about my schedule and my practices.

While playing with your fingers, he went on:

- You're always there for me, trying to make me smile and feel good, and I really appreciate that.

Your lips hurt. You couldn't stop smiling. You tried to hide it, but it was no use: Ni-Ki would always manage to make you smile.

He sighed:

- And I want you to know that even if you're giving me the silent treatment, I will always love you. Even if I don't show it sometimes, I appreciate you and you're one of the people I care about most.

Seeing your smile gradually spreading, he added:

- And if I may say so, I think you're my red string... I don't really believe in signs and myths or anything like that, but I think this is true. At least I think it is for us.

The Japanese myth of the red string: the one you were passionate about. Ni-Ki and you thought it was cute to know that everyone had a string around them that was attached to someone else.

You couldn't go on any longer. You smiled and put your hands in front of your face.

- I can't go on, you're too cute!

He chuckled slightly:

- You're just obsessed with me, admit it.

- Keep telling yourself that.

He smiled, then kissed you gently on the lip before letting you speak:

- Did you mean any of those things?

He rolled his eyes, then smiled.

- Of course, I did, you silly.

[gojos-thot-patrol]

In the Valentine spirit, could you do boyfriend HCs for the jjk men? Thanks 💜

oh, ABSOLUTELY I CAN this is like my bread and butter!!

Now Presenting...

Starring Satoru Gojo, Suguru Geto, Kento Nanami, and Ryomen Sukuna.

Satoru Gojo

The Fool

Listen, you can not convince me Gojo isn't all about PDA

He wants everyone to know that you're his and he's yours.

He shows his love by giving you sweets

"But none of them are as sweet as you, Dear"

Did I meantion this man is cheesey as fuck?

His ideal date is staying at home with you and watching a movie, because honestly, it's one of the few times he can truly relax.

10000% the type of boyfriend that wants to spoil you more than anything else...mostly because he's not sure how to be a good boyfriend outside of that.

He's honestly fairly new to romance. He's only had one other romantic partner in his life, and that ended far less than ideal.

So, he's learning how to love you while also just learning how to love in general.

But, he's excited to learn!

he fully beleieves you desrve only the best in everything, and that includes boyfriends,

Meaning he's not scared to ask you how he can do better.

Also meaning he's not quick to share his emotions. He doesn't want to inconvinence you with them.

Or worse, shatter your image of him. He is supposed to be the strongest after all. Everyone loves him for his strength.

Except for you, probably the only person that sees him for him.

It may take some time and coaxing, but once he knows how he fells (Cause lets be real here, hes not the most emotionally intelligent) he'll try his best to explain to you.

please be patient with him, he's bad at this.

It's a big deal for him that you and Megumi at least get along. As far as he's concerned, Megumi is his son and his son has to come first.

Luckily for you both Megumi takes to you as well as his tsundere ass can.

He's the first one to ask you to make it offical, but waits for you to say "I Love You" first.

Mostly because that phrase scares the shit out of him. Theres no curse more powerful than love, and honestly he would have rather avoided it.

But you were inevitable. He knew it from the first time he laid eyes on you, you were going to be the death of him.

Metaphorically.

he hoped.

Suguru Geto

The Lovers

OK, first things first, his favorite thing is to show you new music.

Not too long after you had stated dating, he promised you he as going to show you all the good music the world had to offer and he ment it.

Honestly he surprised you with his range. anything from Heavy Metal, to Folk Punk, to R&B to Pop, to fucking country, if he could vibe with it, it hit his playlist.

All about words of affection. He's constantly telling you how beautiful you are, how smart you are, how powerful of a sorcerer you are, he won't shut up about how amazing you are.

Not typically one for PDA, unless he thinks someone else is hitting on you.

Then it's like he's been suddenly glued to you.

He's very much the silent jealous type. He'll never straight up ask you "So who the fuck was that?" He's more prone to passive aggressive comments.

"I'm just saying, you two seem really close." type shit.

He covers you in very visible hickys and is very quick to "lend" you his jacket for this reason. He want's to make it very clear that you're his.

His ideal date is an underground concert. He always knows where the best ones are.

The energy of a concert is intoxicating to him, and the effect is doubled when you're around.

It's one of the few places where he'll actively take part in PDA without having to be jealous first.

He's normally pretty Stoic. He jokes around yea, but he's never vunerable in public.

The only place you see his walls come down is when you're alone together.

It's a visible change too, you can see the tired flood his eyes as he collapses in your arms.

You were the first person to notice when he started to grow cold to Jujutsu Society, and the last to know when his betrayl finally took place.

As much as it made you sick to your stomach to admit, you weren't surprised at all. a darkness had been growing in him for a long time.

He spoke all the time about how unfairly society treated sorcerers, and he spoke with such passion, you often found yourself almost convinced by it.

Almost. you we're always able to bring yourself back to reality one way or another.

That was until he came back for you.

He was just as sweet as he always was, pouring affection over you.

how he tried so hard to move on, but he couldn't rebuild without you. No matter what he did, his soul called out for you.

"Please, Y/n, I need you. come back with me?"

Nanami Kento

The Hierophant

Ok, so hear me out. I actually think Nanami has had a few relationships before.

They all ended amicably, He didn't have the time for petty mind games as a teenager, he damn sure didn't have the time for them as adult.

So, he has quite a bit of experience in making things work.

He's AMAZING at communication. He's clear, consice, and careful with his words.

Often times he's able to deesculate a fight before it even becomes one.

And if you're one of those people that will start a fight because you need drama (*cough* me. *cough*) he's quick to notice and shut it down.

"Are you really mad that I lost the remote, or is something else going on Darling? If you're mad that's ok, but I feel like theres a diffrent underlying issue here."

He loves cuddling. Its shocking and strange, I know, but he is touch starved.

Also, he loves kissing. It's one of his favorite things to do, espically with you.

His favorite dates are when he takes you to a facny resteraunt for dinner.

He loves watching you get all dolled up, and he'd be lying if he said it wasn't a nice little ego boost to walk in with you on his arm.

Not even just that, he loves taking care of you in anyway he can. So feeding you the finest foods? Top of his To-Do list every day.

While he loves to take you out, He loves staying home with you just as much.

Nanami is insanely good at Tekken, like God-Teir, this is not up for debate.

Really, he's good at all fighting games, but his favorite is Tekken.

And he loves to play with his SO. you're not that good at video games? He's willing to teach you if you're willing to learn.

One of his favorite date night activities is having you be on mic while he plays some online matches. It's hilarious to watch his opponent get a big head, 100000% sure theyre going to own this soft spoken ninny just to get absolutely BODIED by Nanami.

He tries to make it through movie nights. He tries so hard. but he passes out, every. single. time.

even if he really likes the movie! He just can't bring himself to stay awake.

He'll always try for you though. He would do anything for you.

Ryomen Sukuna

The Devil

Listen to me reader, LISTEN TO ME: you may see his charming smile and his oddly puppy-dog like eyes and think "OH, come on! how bad could this guy be? He's so cute!"

That is the Devil talking.

I am Sukunas number 1 cumslut and I can tell you from personal experience he is The Worst™.

For one, he's cold as fuck. Even if he is head over heels in love with you, he's too emotionally closed off to ever fucking admit it.

His heart could be doing acrobatics in his chest when you're around, his palms sweating like crazy and his sight suddenly switching to Shojo vision when he's looking at you and he would STILL have you convinced he hated your guts.

Hell, he'd honestly be even meanier to you just so no one suspects his true feelings.

But, once again, you are inevitable and there's no escaping you.

But dont start thinking you're going to get a date or even a talk. Nay nay dear reader.

He just kinda decided at somepoint that you we're dating now. You had no say in it, and didn't even know until he caught you flirting with someone that wasn't him and almost ripped their fuckin head off.

Yandere. I will not explain, nor do I need to. Look at him.

He's hiding you away in his temple and never letting you go.

Which, could be worse. That temple is decadent as FUCK

If you do manage to endure him long enough though, I do think he'd let his soft side slip.

Sukunas love is quiet. It's not showering you in gifts or words of affermation. He's honestly not sure how to do that.

It's quietly holding you in the night, pulling you just a little bit tighter when the nightmares start to make you stir.

It's letting you quietly lay on his chest, tracing his markings, letting you get close enough to his heart and neck to kill him.

It's sitting with you while you read in the garden, secretly reading over your shoulder incase you wanted to talk about it later.

Sukunas love isn't shown in grand gestures, it's shown in his lack of violence. it him quitely, without either of you even realizing, letting his walls down around you.

He's never going to talk about his emotions, ew gross. That would make him weak.

What he would do is pull you into a bath with him, or into the bed, or somewhere else safe and comfrotble, and ask you to talk about your day.

Listening to your voice calms him down, and you know you've helped because when youre done talking about whatever, he quietly thanks you.

He has killed to "protect" you, and would die to atually protect you.

Once you've wormed your way into his heart, theres no leaving. he's obessed and even if you manage to get away one day, he's never getting over you.

[amethystina]

A health update (and a general explanation of my long Covid)

So while I've been pretty open about living with long Covid, I realise I've never taken the time to explain what that actually means for me and my quality of living. It's a phrase I toss around but I can imagine it doesn't feel all that substantial to a lot of you.

So I figured that now that I'm feeling a bit better (more on that later) I should do so. Partly because I figure it will make it easier to understand why I sometimes have to disappear for weeks on end.

So, if you're interested, feel free to keep reading under the cut :)

But be warned: It's long and kind of whiny. But also ends on a high note! So there's that.

The first time I caught Covid was around Easter 2020, long before there were any vaccines, which meant that I was hit hard. But no matter how bad I felt during the illness itself, the aftermath has been ten times worse. I've been living with my long Covid symptoms ever since, so for four years now. They worsened for a couple of months when I caught Covid a second time in February 2021, but have otherwise held pretty steady during those four years.

A lot of people experience different symptoms with their long Covid and, sometimes, they'll change as the weeks and months go by. I actually had a very interesting couple of months during 2022 when my sense of smell just went completely whack and everything suddenly smelled differently than it should. Like, I could be smelling an apple but it did not smell like an apple. It was a weird time in my life.

Anyway. My most common symptoms are fatigue, fevers, joint pain, brain fog, memory issues, incoherent speech, and lowered blood circulation.

(The latter actually kickstarted the Raynaud's syndrome I have on my mother's side so now I struggle with fingers and feet that will occasionally go white, bloodless, and completely numb at random intervals. Fun times)

The fatigue and fevers are the worst by far. For the past four years, I have had exhaustion fevers between two to five times a week. Or every single day if I'm unlucky. It's very much tied to how much sleep I'm getting, how well I'm eating, and how many taxing things I do each day. I need eight hours of sleep to be functional and anything less than that will most likely mean I'll end up having a fever before the day is over.

Unfortunately, I've always had issues with my sleep so, on most nights, I don't get eight hours even if I try my absolute best. Sometimes it's because I wake up too early and can't fall back asleep and, sometimes — because my life sucks — it's because my fever is so high that I can't fall asleep. Cue the endless cycle of too little sleep and fevers.

Because one of the main issues with these exhaustion fevers — and what makes them so difficult to manage — is that there's no way to lower them. Medicine has no effect whatsoever. Once I have it, I just have to suffer through however many hours are left until I can sleep and hope that it'll be gone in the morning. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.

And every day my energy level gets just a little bit lower and the fever a little bit higher. Some days, all I can do when I get home from work is to lie on the couch and stare at the wall because I'm too tired and in too much pain to even watch something. And, again, no amount of medicine helps.

It continues on like this for a while and, every third or fourth month or so, the strain eventually becomes too much and I fall ill. My body simply shuts down from the continued stress and exhaustion, to the point where I can barely get out of bed. And, usually, I can feel it coming. On top of the fevers, I start coughing, then get a headache, and then my nose gets stuffy. And, by that time, I know I have about two to four days before I get sick. It's so accurate that my coworkers have learned that when I give the sign, they have to tell me whatever tasks they need to be finished within the near future since I'll probably be out of commission for one to two weeks.

But I eventually recover, go back to work, and so the cycle starts again. And again. And again. And again.

For four years.

All of this has, unsurprisingly, affected my quality of life to a pretty significant degree. I can barely work, let alone spend time doing any of my hobbies. I can't really travel anymore and, if I do, I'll get sick from the exhaustion. Even the 50-minute commute to the office (which I have to do three times a week) usually results in a fever before the day is over.

This inability to travel was how I ended up missing my maternal granddad's funeral. My shitty relatives didn't tell us the date for when he would be buried until there were only two days left and even if I could have put myself on an overnight train to get there, I knew I would be in no shape to actually be at the funeral if I did. So I couldn't go.

I did go to sit with my paternal grandmother as she was dying but, as expected, I got sick and couldn't return to work for a couple of days afterwards.

I also have to skip most birthday celebrations and any events happening on weekdays since I'm usually too feverish or won't manage the required trip to get there. My life has shrunk so much I barely recognise it anymore. I don't recognise myself. I used to be one of those people who could do a million things at the same time and somehow complete all of them. I was firm, organised, and efficient.

And now I'm not.

(... or, well, technically I am — at least compared to many others — but not compared to how I used to be xD)

Point being, a lot of things have changed and I don't like it. But, with that said, I'm also well aware that I'm lucky to be alive and I'm fortunate enough to have a stable job and a roof over my head. So, all things considered, I'm still doing pretty well.

But I also can't lie and say that this hasn't affected me in a deep and fundamental way. My life has changed and, right now, I don't know if it'll ever return to what I used to consider normal. And dealing with that knowledge — and the grief and fear that comes with it — hasn't been easy. I have cried ugly, self-pitying tears over this many, many times. It's frustrating to have no control over what my body does and to constantly have to be careful of what I do so I don't exhaust myself. I am furious that this happened to me.

But, after four years, there's also a certain amount of acceptance. And while I'm annoyed by my new limitations, I try my best not to feel too sorry for myself. Instead, I try to adapt as best I can, even if I might not always do it gracefully.

That does mean that I sometimes push myself more than I should, though. Because, if I didn't, I wouldn't never produce anything. As depressing as it is to admit, everything I've given you in the past four years has been while I was sick. I don't think a single chapter I've written or drawing I've made has been untouched by this. I've become an expert at writing, editing, and drawing even with a fever.

That doesn't mean I regret it, though — quite the opposite. I think that if I hadn't had a reason to write and draw, I would have felt even worse. A lof of the time, the excitement I feel when I'm able to post a chapter or show off a drawing I've made has been the highlight of my week. It's an accomplishment.

But, that said, it's still hard. Writing in particular. It requires a level of brainpower I can't reach when the fevers are too bad. And so, sometimes, I just can't. I literally just can't.

And, back in January, as I was trying to edit chapter 39 of Who Holds the Devil, I honestly pushed myself too hard. I was so determined to finish it that I didn't let myself see just how bad I was feeling — not at all helped by how emotionally draining the content of the chapter was.

It was only once I finished the chapter and posted it that I realised how absolutely wretched I felt. Not because of the chapter itself, but my lack of compassion for myself, I guess? Because the fevers were bad, I was barely sleeping, and I was both mentally and physically exhausted. And, what was worse, I realised that I was displaying depression symptoms I hadn't seen in over ten years.

All of a sudden, I got annoyed as soon as a minor inconvenience appeared. Everything people said to me was dissected into its tiniest component. I feared that people were secretly hating me. I couldn't meet people's eyes anymore when I was talking to them. I didn't realise I was just sitting there, staring at a wall, until several minutes had already passed.

And, as the final nail in the coffin, I stopped talking about how I was feeling.

And that, right there, is my last warning that I need to do something — always has been, ever since I was a teenager. When I clam up completely, refusing to admit to the people around me that I'm feeling bad, that's when I'm about to spiral.

So, the very next day, I went to my boss and told her that I'm getting burnt out and I need to do something NOW or this was going to turn ugly real soon. Thankfully, my boss is amazing and, after a doctor's visit, I was put on partial sick leave. Right now, I'm working six hours a day instead of eight and, let me tell you, I'm thriving.

Or, well, as much as I can while still having long Covid.

I'm almost angry at how much better I feel because, if I had known, I would have done this a lot sooner. I actually have energy now! I've only had a fever about four times in a little over a month! That's insane! It used to be four a week!

So yeah. I'm feeling better than I have in a long time. The downside is that the partial sick leave is still only temporary and there are no guarantees that I'll be able to keep it. Though, if need be, I'll just have to ask my boss to rewrite my contract and change the amount of hours I work because, man, I don't ever want to go back considering how much better and happier I feel. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I feel like I've gotten my life back. It's not quite the same as before, but close enough to it that I kind of want to cry again — but happy tears this time.

And so I've spent the past couple of weeks just... living? When, before that, it felt like I was merely existing. I've been drawing a lot since that helps with the depression symptoms (which are almost completely gone, thank god) but writing has been harder. Possibly because I forced myself to do it during a time when I felt really, really bad and now I'm instinctively trying to shy away from it. But, since I know that's just my mind playing tricks on me, I'm going to give it another try this weekend. I want to write and I miss the stories I'm working on. And, hopefully, since I'm feeling a bit better, I can maybe get back to a more structured uploading schedule. But we'll see. As always, I can't make any promises.

But that's about it, I guess? I'm feeling better and, since I am, I've been doing a lot of things that I wasn't able to before (like taking walks — I take a lot of walks). And I'm still trying to figure out my new routine now that I work less. And while I still get sick sometimes (I am right now, in fact, due to lack of sleep on Tuesday night) I always find my way back eventually.

So yeah. If you've read this far, thank you so much for your patience 💜 I admit that I don't really enjoy writing things like these since it feels like I'm whining — I was very much raised not to take up space or complain when things are difficult (an unfortunate side effect to being the middle child with two disabled, high-maintenance siblings) — but I also prefer honesty and transparency. And I feel a little guilty since there are times when I've given pretty harsh responses when people question why I'm sick all the time or why I don't upload chapters as often as I used to, but without actually explaining why. So I guess it's time to be honest?

And the truth is that I've been constantly sick for the past four years. Not only due to my long Covid, but also the emotional and psychological toll of all the loss, grief, and pain I've been through. These past four years have been rough.

But I'm not saying that to gain pity or make excuses. I actually think I've done pretty well considering just how hindered I've been. I've improved my drawings so much and have written... god knows how many words. I'm honestly kind of scared to check xD But it has to be over 600k by now, maybe closer to 700k.

I think my only regret is that I haven't been able to engage with you all to the extent I would want. I wish I could be a more active and enthusiastic participant in fandom — to seek you out, hold conversations, and give you all even a fraction of the attention you've given me. I feel like I don't offer you nearly enough.

But I also know that I have to accept my own limitations. So, for now, we'll have to settle for whatever I can give, even if it's less than I would want. But I will keep on creating, trust me on that, because I'm stubborn as fuck and even if my pace is slower, I'm still determined to finish what I start.

And that's the note I want to end this on. I have suffered, yes — more so than I may have expressed to you all — but I've still managed to create some beautiful things. And while I mourn who I used to be and the fact that some of you have never known me at my best, I don't think the me I am right now is all that terrible. Do I want things to change? Yes, definitely. But do I want to change the choices I've made and the things I've accomplished in the past four years? No, I can't say that I do. I'm proud of what I've done, especially considering my limitations.

And, if you're reading this, thank you so, so much for your kindness, compassion, and support. Some of you are old friends while others of you are new, but I am grateful to every single one of you. You have made these past four years more bearable. You have made it easier to keep fighting. You have made it worth it.

Thank you 💜

[barbieaiden]

2. [Doorbell rings]

3. Kell: Sam. Fuck. Uh. I totally forgot you were coming. Sorry about the mess, I was going to clean.

Sam: Were you sleeping?

Kell: Yeah, but I should've probably woken up, like, 9 hours ago so it's a good thing you came.

4. Sam: I can help you clean.

Kell: Yeah, no, that's not happening, I would die from embarrassment. Sorry if it's smokey in here, I don't want to give you an asthma attack.

Sam: No, it's fine.

5. Sam: Are you okay?

Kell: Not at all.

Sam: Did something happen?

Kell: Well, I don't know if you know this, but one of my closest friends got himself into a coma?

Sam: Very funny.

Kell: Then it's been downhill from there. How is he? Aiden?

Sam: He's, um...

6. Sam: I don't know. He's acting like the whole thing was just nothing.

Kell: To be fair, he was unconscious the whole time so it was probably nothing to him. Plus, this isn't his first drug-related medical emergency, is it? You, however, were a wreck. Like a total mess.

Sam: I'm sorry, next time my fiancé is in a coma I'll think of being more presentable.

Kell: Good.

7. Kell: No seriously, pretty understandable with the situation and all. I'm glad things turned out the way they did, I'd have no one to get high with if Aiden died.

Sam: Kellan.

Kell: I'm kidding. Also, it wasn't weed that got him into a coma, Sam.

8. Kell: Seriously, though, actually seriously this time, I get it. I mean, I was a wreck too. Honestly, I don't know what I would've done if Aiden died.

9. Kell: Especially not like that. The waiting was the worst, not knowing if he'd be okay or not. I mean, I don't know about you but I had some hope he'd live, but still.

Sam: [Shakes head]

Kell: You didn't think he'd live? Like, at all?

10. Sam: ...no.

11. Kell: In other news, my date last weekend was so bad. Unimaginably bad. Easily top 3 list bad.

Sam: You have a list of your worst dates?

Kell: Well, Sam, some of us aren't super fucking lucky and randomly meet the love of our lives one day. I have to gamify it to maintain my sanity. She was really nice, though, it was my fault. I just wanted to go home the entire time.

12. Sam: Let me know if I can help.

Kell: With dating? You might be in a long-term relationship but you're not qualified.

Sam: No? You know what I meant.

Kell: Dude, you're literally the last person I'd unload my emotional baggage on right now. I'm more likely to do it to Aiden. Aiden.

Sam: Kell, you are not making me feel better.

Kell: I'm not trying to. I'm giving you a reality check.

13. Sam: I don't need a reality check, I'm well aware I've been a mess.

Kell: You literally went straight from a mental breakdown to taking care of Aiden.

Sam: Yes? He was in a coma? He's my fiancé? We live together?

Kell: Okay, now you're just making me feel lonely. You're literally third wheeling me and Aiden's not even here.

Sam: You brought it up!

Kell: Oh. Right.

14. Kell: Have you slept in the past week, by the way? Because it doesn't look like it.

Sam: I have. This is just what I look like.

Kell: It's not.

Sam: Yes, it is. You're just insulting me now.

15. Kell: My point is, you let me know if I can help you.

Sam: You could have phrased it in a nicer way.

16. Sam: Can we talk about something else? I'm getting tired of coma related conversations.

Kell: Oh, for sure. I can tell you about my worst dates list and you can laugh at me. I have it written down and everything.

Sam: What?

Kell: Yeah, with details. Do you want to see?

Sam: ...sure.

[best-titan-7274]

I just got home from the painfull teeth stuff anf my teeth still hurt so much, can I have some hurt/comfort with Jack and BT? ;o;

maybe Jack gets hurt on the mission, but like, not too serious, just painfull, and has to take care of himself untill the medics could get to them (or they to medics?), and BT kinda frets over him and gets lowkey anxious that he can't really help with that. maybe insert "why are humans so fragile" thinking from BT, and Jack getting amused and countring it with some facts about human resilience (like the fact titans need specifically made copmonents/parts to get fixed, and humans just need some food/drug stuff and rest, or something).

oh I love hurt/comfort, hope you're feeling better by now!

Sometimes, shit happened. That was a phrase that he'd learned long before he ever joined the Militia. But lately it had definitely applied to missions and Jack was starting to get kind of tired about it all.

"Pilot, are you sure that you do not require any emergency medical assistance?" BT asked, not for the first time.

"Yeah, don't worry about it, BT. It looks worse than it is."

Not entirely. His arm does hurt like hell, and it is kind of slashed open from his shoulder to his elbow. He should have kept a closer eye on his surroundings, but the scanner hadn't been working, so he'd been staring at that, and he figured BT was scanning the area himself instead of just watching him-

Anyway, they'd both made some mistakes. And now Jack was hurt. They'd finished their mission just fine, and nothing else had tried to eat him, so he figured everything was okay.

Except the part where BT was more of a mother hen than his actual mother.

Jack had patched himself up, kind of, more like he'd taped a bandage over the cut and then another to keep it from bleeding through. BT had judged him for his slipshod job anyway.

"Why are you so worried about me, anyway?" he couldn't help asking. "Is this more protect-the-Pilot protocol stuff?"

"Partially. I am also worried about you as my friend."

"Aw, BT. Don't worry about me, all right? I'm fine."

"I am still concerned about your injury."

"Humans heal themselves, you know that, right? It's not like a Titan that's gotta have a tech crew with special parts. I mean, sure, the medic is going to want to give me an antibiotic shot or something, probably. But I'll be all right."

"My records of the things that can injure human Pilots indicate that their skin and bones are very fragile compared to my chassis, even if it does require special parts."

"Yeah, we break easier, but we get fixed easier, too. It's gonna be all right. A few weeks at base and I'll be just fine. Trust me."

"Of course I do."

"And if you're really worried, you can help me convince Briggs that double chocolate ice cream is essential to my recovery."

There's a pause, and then, "My records do not indicate that this is correct."

Jack laughs despite himself, and stands up, shoving the packaging from the bandage in his pocket. He's not going to litter, he's not an animal. But he's also not above pestering his Titan into being extra nice to him while he's injured.

"You can keep an eye on my vitals while we keep walking, all right?"

"I believe that will be essential to your continued health."

Geez, not a lot of faith in him. But he has done a lot of reckless things in the past, so BT does have good reason to be slightly worried. Jack trusts his Titan to keep an eye on him no matter what problems they run into. Here, or anywhere.

[gouthepro]

okay do YOU have any lynether thoughts i'd love to hear them if you do

why yes I do!

teapot voicelines imply Aether looks after some of Lyney's pets for him in the teapot, so in my mind they're co-parenting a bunch of animals together like cats and birds (specifically doves because of Lyney's 2nd troubles voicelines) by this point Rosseland is the only pet that's still fully Lyney's and not co-parented by Aether

for as much as Lyney flirts I think he gets really awkward when he's being genuine about it, which is why his flirting with Aether is always so overdramatic because if he gave a genuine compliment and phrased it like a genuine compliment then he'd probably trip over his words and die from embarrassment a minute later (Aether would find it cute though)

on that note, the one time Aether flirted back Lyney got extremely flustered

I think they'd be so sweet with each other honestly

whenever Aether gets upset about his travels or not having his sister, Lyney comforts him and looks after him until he's feeling better. he can understand better than anyone else Aether knows what it's like to be seperated from a sibling (and a twin too) even if it was only for a short amount of time in Lyney's case

Aether also helps Lyney with his stage fright before shows by encouraging and reassuring him and helping out with his hair and make-up so Lyney has a few less things to worry about before the performance

Aether (affectionately) hates introducing Lyney to his friends because it's often chaos. you can't tell me Lyney wouldn't perform a magic show for Klee based around her bombs and dodoco or that Heizou or Albedo wouldn't try to figure out how Lyney's magic works. Hu Tao would somehow find out about the court case and try to convince Lyney to become one of her clients, Venti would start sneezing because of all of the cat hair on Lyney from Rosseland and all his other cats and Gaming and Lyney are both so friendly and talkative (or in Lyney's case, he appears to be talkative) they'd chat for hours about anything. Everytime after Aether has introduced Lyney to another one of his friends he feels so tired.

also related but Lyney would be really good with kids due to growing up with younger siblings and all the others at the house of the hearth so all of Aether's younger friends like Yaoyao, Qiqi, Sayu, Klee and even Diona like him. (Nahida isn't technically a younger friend because she's 500 but I think she'd like Lyney too.) Just hear me out, he'd put on magic shows for Klee and Qiqi, he'd chat with Yaoyao and he'd let Sayu and Diona hang out with his pet cats including Rosseland

I feel like they'd have similar taste in literature and would enjoy reading books together or going to watch a play together.

Lynette and Paimon had bets on when Lyney and Aether would confess to each other and on who would confess first.

Freminet was the first to know when Lyney and Aether actually started dating though.

Arlecchino is somewhere between being supportive of Lyney's relationship and also questioning why out of all the people he could've chosen it had to be Aether, the Fatui's no.1 problem.

"Yes I'm very happy for you and your relationship, I hope it lasts and I'm sure you're both perfect for each other.. Now if you could tell that boyfriend of yours to STOP FIGHTING THE RECRUITS that would be excellent."

[applepiesandalibis]

So. A couple of posts ago I mentioned writing an explanation of why I adore each TPC album for a different reason (a thing that makes this specific album unique for me). Nobody asked for it. Here it is.

The first one, Young Bodies Heal Quickly holds a special place in my heart mostly because of its vibes. And also because I listened to it in the hard times and it really helped me to deal with some things. It manages to depict many different emotions and feelings perfectly: such as fear, anxiety, anger and in the end it even becomes really comforting, makes you feel safe and calm even if the rest of the album feels like the world is ruining and you're absolutely helpless. I really love how it contains both very energetic and very calm songs. I mean, pretty sure all of their records do, but here it's more noticeable and I like that contrast. ALSO, something about the voicemail sample with that agressive instrumental as a background... I just find it incredibly cool for whatever reason. In general, YBHQ has some of the coolest samples.

Hide the Kitchen Knives... Well, I don't listen to that one a lot, sadly :( Mostly because it's not on spotify (at least for me, heard some lucky people have it there) and it's not very comfortable to listen to it on other platforms. Still, I like it for — yet again — its unique vibe, cool instrumentals (God Forgive Us All is just..... mwah /pos) and also some thoughts John expresses on this record. I find the whole concept behind it very interesting.

God Bless Your Black Heart for the story it tells and the fact that absolutely everything on this album is connected. Makes my neurodivergent brain happy, I will NEVER get tired of (over)analyzing it and yapping about it. John said he worked very hard on this one and it really shows!!! I associate a lot of good moments in my life with GBYBH (even though the album itself is pretty dark) and Said the Spider to the Fly will always be one of my favorite music videos to ever exist. It means a lot to me and I rewatched it hundreds of times.

Then, Now You Are One Of Us, which has its SpOoKy atmosphere that is actually trying to hide a very hopeful message behind itself and no, I will NOT shut up about this. Plus, again, the samples are just perfect. It was the first album of theirs I heard and it really made me realize how good this band is. I know how cringy this probably sounds, but it actually changed my life and it only gets better with each listen.

Ctrl-Alt-Delete-U is just crazy. In a good way. I mean, a 40-minute song that is mostly just one phrase being repeated over and over again? Who do you think is eating this up? That's right: me. All of the other songs are great too, of course. I can't fully understand the concept behind this album tbh, but that's what I like about it.

Someday This Could All Be Yours is, as I previously said, the one I listen to the most. The natural disasters concept is something that really got my attention at first and the lyricism on here is INCREDIBLY good. Every song has its own mood and its own 'personality', which makes me want to came up with a character for each one of them (I already have a bunch of TPC based OCs, but still). Also I'm a big fan of the suffering that thinking about Vol. 2 brings me into👍🏻 /hj

And, of course, their older stuff (...And the Machines Are Winning, Essays on Frantic Desperation, singles like Dilbert, a Man If You Will, etc.) deserves being mentioned too. I feel like these guys were really vibing while recording this! The lyrics aren't that deep as they are on later records, sometimes you can't even understand what John is saying, but the instrumentals are amazing. John straight up tortures his guitar sometimes; it makes such a cool sound though, so it's totally worth it. They had a very great start and I love older TPC just as much as newer!!!

Obviously, I can't just not mention Nighty Nite in this. Dimples gives me a nostalgic feeling, but at the same time it's so dark and can easily make you anxious. My fav track from it is definetely Meaningless. Ironically, it makes me feel like life does have a meaning. I don't know. And again, the lyrics are very good here.

Until the Horror Goes is also very nostalgic, but in a slightly more positive way. John said this album is mostly about getting older and dealing with adult life and it does depict this feeling very well. It also has a really pretty cover — my favorite after the GBYBH one. The songs on it are catchy, I know them all by heart. The instrumentals are yummy too (take Animal Rites for example, it scratches my brain in such a good way). I like the more electronic sound it has and I think it was a good way to end John's career as a musician... (sobs)

TL;DR: The pAper chAse is the best band in the entire world and they have never released a single bad song. I love all of their records like they're my children (or even more, cause I don't really like children... you got the point). End rant.

[lipstickstainz]

true lies - s. r. (12/?)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Series Summary: Spencer is furious, when you rejoin the team after a year and after you left him, when he got arrested. Little does he know, that you leaving him was the only option to ever get him out of prison.

Chapter Summary: A collection of letters Spencer and you share while you're gone - and then you're gone forever. At least, that what he thinks.

Warnings: some fluff, angst, angst, angst, smoking, slight ptsd, grief and loss

Word Count: 2.2k

A/N: I'm sososososo sorry. please don't hate me. I love you. gif not mine.

Series Masterlist

previous part

Dearest little bear,

two months have passed since you had to leave, and not a day goes by that I don't think of you and wish you were here with me.

We are trying to do everything in our power to be able to bring you back home. But unfortunately, it seems to be taking longer than I would like.

I was told you were working on it as well. You are strong and smart and even though you can't be with me, I'm sure we can do it together.

Take care of yourself.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest Neruda,

I was very happy to receive your message. I always carry it with me, although I would rather be in your arms, but I can't.

I can't tell you where I am right now, but still I wish you were with me. It is warm and beautiful and I am sure you would like it here very much.

Except for these letters, I'm not allowed to talk to any of you, but I like talking to you best anyway. We've come this far. And we'll make it.

Thinking of you.

With love,

little bear

-

Dearest little bear,

It's been four months and with each passing second it becomes more unbearable. But a light is appearing at the end of the dark tunnel. We think we know who she is.

It won't be long before we can see each other again. And I can't wait to be able to hug you again. To be able to touch you. Or kiss you.

Not much longer. And then nothing can separate us.

Take care of yourself.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest Neruda,

It would have been too good to be with you again at last. But it still takes time.

I have found something that can help us, but for now, just know that I will do everything I can so that I can return home. Back to you. No matter what it costs.

Keep your eyes open. We're closer than you think.

I'm thinking of you.

With love,

little bear

-

Dearest little bear,

I was given time off to take a break. I was with my mother and she told me that a kind young lady had been here. She doesn't remember you, but she knows you are familiar and that she can trust you. As I do.

I am infinitely grateful. And I'm tired of waiting, but for you I do. For you, I do it all.

Take care of yourself.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest Neruda,

I can no longer grasp a clear thought, because whenever I close my eyes I see everything I have done in review. I can hardly sleep and the nightmares plague me.

I just hope that everything will end soon. It has already been a year since we saw each other. I can't promise you anything, but I hope you know that everything I had to do was for you. For us.

Thinking of you.

With love,

little bear

-

Dearest little bear,

it's been a few weeks since I've heard from you. I hope you are doing well.

We have found a trail that will take us further.And brings me a little closer to you. And that will bring you back home. I can't wait.

Take care of yourself.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest little bear,

It's been two months since you wrote to me.

Get back to me as soon as you can.

Take care of yourself.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest little bear,

Words cannot describe how much I miss you. Or how great the pain in my chest is.

I can't eat, I can't sleep. I can hardly breathe without you.

Thinking of you.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest little bear,

they hung your picture today. In the portrait you are smiling, proud to finally be part of the team. I can't look at it.

I was sent home, but everything there reminds me of you.

Thinking of you.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest little bear,

I keep your letters in a small box next to my bed. They are a part of you that I don't want to lose, even though I have already lost you. They are a part of you, just as you are a part of me.

Thinking of you.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest little bear,

I went to our bookstore and found a book of poems that you would like. I'll put it with your letters.

No book in the world could have prepared me for the grief I feel. The pain is too engaging for me to talk about it with anyone but you.

Thinking of you.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dear little bear,

it's been almost two years since we last saw each other. I don't remember what you sound like, or what you smell like. Why can't I remember that? Is it wrong of me not to think it's bad? It takes away my pain a little.

Thinking of you.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dear little bear,

A lot has happened in the two years we've been apart. Too much to ever be able to write down all the things. I just want you to know that this time was not easy for me. Not for any of us.

I put your letters away safely because you will always be important to me. But I have to let you go. And with this, I release you.

I love you. Forever.

With love,

Neruda

-

You pinch your leg to wake up. Your neck is wet with cold sweat and you have to blink several times to realize that you are in a cab. You run your hand through your hair as the driver looks at you curiously through the rearview mirror. He says nothing, which is why you glance out the window.

The drive from the airport to Quantico only takes an hour, but you still take the opportunity to close your eyes for a moment and doze a little. You haven't had a decent night's sleep in ages, you don't even know what a healthy portion of sleep feels like anymore, because you haven't had that luxury in the last two years.

As the car comes to a stop in front of the FBI building, you pay the driver and get out with your small bag. The building seems much bigger than you remember. You used to spend every day here, it had once been your home. But now you're not even sure you have a home anymore.

You take a deep breath and enter through the large doors, but are directly approached by a security guard.

"Miss? Are you visiting?", he asks suspiciously, extending his arm to keep you at a distance - something that wouldn't do him much good if you were actually trying to get past him.He eyes you up and down, which you can't blame him for. In your ripped jeans, dirty sneakers, and loose sweater, you don't look like someone who belongs here. By now, you don't either.

You look at him. "I'm here to see Unit Chief Prentiss", you reply coolly. You know he's just doing his job, but you're too impatient to let all this wash over you. You know Emily is already in the office. You know her too well not to. Why doesn't he just go get her? You just want to see your friend.

"Chief Prentiss?" He raises an eyebrow. "And what is your request?"

Your gaze is rock hard and your tone cold as ice. "Tell her Y/N Y/L/N is here to see her."

You wait outside the building, letting the morning sun warm your skin and the cigarette burn between your fingers before you put it to your lips and take a drag. Afterwards, you stub it out on a trash can. As you exhale the last bit of smoke, you turn around. And there she is.

Emily is standing at the door, and when you see her, you drop your bag and wrap her in your arms so tightly that you can't breathe. You cling to her, afraid that maybe this whole thing isn't as real as it feels, but you imperceptibly pinch your arm. And she is still with you.

"I thought - they said", she stammers, and it's the first time in your friendship that she's speechless. You hug her even tighter.

"I know", you answer softly, blinking away the tears that have formed in your eyes. The moment is too beautiful to cry. As you break away from each other, Emily wipes her own tears from her cheeks, but some have already landed on her blouse. There are dark stains now.

"I don't even know what to say", she says, smiling at you as you enter the building together. The guard gives you a look, but doesn't ask any questions as you walk past him toward the elevator. Inside, she pushes a button that takes you to the BAU floor. "I can hardly believe you're really here."

Neither can you.

The office is completely silent because no one is here yet except for you. Although nothing has changed, everything has changed because you are now someone else. It's been a long time since you've been here. Two years, but everything in this room is all too familiar to you. The coffee machine, the law books, the files. It feels like you've never been away. It's déjà vu all over again.

While Emily gets you both coffee, you sit down at the round table and wait for her. Your friend sets the cups down on the table before sitting down next to you. She smiles faintly. "How are you?"

You pucker your mouth. How are you? You haven't been asked that question in ages, and to be honest, you don't know how to answer it either. How could you possibly be?

When you don't answer Emily, she phrases her question differently. "What are you feeling right now?"

Your lips become a thin line. "I don't know. It feels like all of this," you point to the room, "isn't a part of me anymore. Nothing has changed, but it still feels foreign."

Emily nods. "You've been through a lot, I guess." She takes a sip of her coffee. "You're right, Y/N. Nothing has really changed here. But you're a different one now, aren't you?"

You open your mouth to answer her, but you don't know what either. Part of you feels at home here, but a bigger part of you knows your place is somewhere else. You just don't know where exactly.

"Do you want to see the others?", Emily asks. "I'm asking you because it's been a long time since you've seen them. And they think you're...you know. Are you ready for that?"

Are you ready for that? You haven't seen either of them in a long time, and it would probably be better not to see them for now, but to let Emily sort it out first. But the team is your family - the closest thing you have to a family. And you've missed them all terribly.

You nod and take a sip of your coffee as JJ and Rossi enter the room. When they see you, they glance uncertainly at Emily, as if they're not sure if it's just imagination, but she nods at them. And that's when all the dams break for JJ.

She pulls you from your chair and hugs you like the salvation of the world depends on it, and David has to pry her cramped arms from you so he can put his around you as well. They affirm to you how much they missed you and ask how you are, wanting to know what happened, but Tara and Penelope join them and that's when it gets too loud for you.

Penelope cries with joy and Tara also can't believe that you are standing in front of her. They besiege you and ask you questions to which you have no answers, so you just smile weakly at them. They definitely don't mean any harm, after all, you've just risen from the dead for them, but you've spent the last while in silence and are no longer used to this volume. So you turn away from them. They look anxiously after you as you sort of flee from them. You hope that this will make the headache go away.

Without paying much attention to where you're going, you find yourself facing the wall where the pictures of the deceased agents hang. And yours is hanging there, too. You don't know how long you've been standing in front of it - minutes? hours? -until a familiar voice snaps you out of your thoughts.

"Y/N?"

You turn around and there stands Spencer. His hair is a little shorter and he looks like he's seen a ghost. Well, he sort of has.

You want to throw yourself into his arms, kiss him, and never let him go. Seeing him knocks the air out of your lungs, which is why you can barely breathe. The two years without him had been hell on earth, but you got through them. For him.

For Spencer, who doesn't take his eyes off you as the blonde woman next to him, whose fingers are intertwined with his, looks at him and asks, "Honey, who's that?"

- tags -

@obsssedwithjustaboutanything // @ashwarren32 // @slytherinbth // @rexorangecouny // @candlemouse // @lexymoniqu // @m3sml // @username2002 // @calliecookie // @haylaansmi // @thehuntresswolf // @skyslowalking // @padsfirewhisky // @criminalminds4days // @criminallyoddsocks // @takeyourleap-of-faith // @vladsgirlxx // @justdianaz // @x2moonlight2x-blog // @countingthestarsinfinitely // @box-of-fandom-stuff // @sergeantbuckybarnes // @princesssmooshie // @sassiest-politician // @ littledm2000 // @a-broken-pact // @strawberry-tea // @sassy-hades // @danrad-rdj4ever // @takeyourleap-of-faith // @smell-my-twisted-shadows // @poeticsassandtrash // @wintrrrsoldier // @peaceluvnirvana // @jemimah-b99 // @lokislilslut // @advicefromnixxxx // @panicattheeverywherekid // @my-guilty-pleasures--of-life // @itsdars @pjmjams // @imagine-this-motherfucker // @sasbb23 // @fivedicksinatrenchcoat // @missyoumaybank // @blameitonthenight21 // @s-r-16 // @knee-coall // @hamlewis // @twodirtymindedgirls // @peoplejustcanthandlemywierdness // @imdefinitelyfloating // @crazyloca06 // @gardenroses1 // @saspencereid // @enchantedlove90 // @sizzlingclamturtlesludge // @moondustmemories // @bambi-is-my-name // @beg0neth0t420 // @william-shookespeare // @pancake2603 // @ayo-cowbelly // @herbstmelody // @frnks-stuff // @mimischaos // @lilxnvm // @archiveofadragon // @burnin-passion // @oddobsessionbutotay // @chaoticdreamsss // @ghostly-ginger // @knittingstudyblr // @gorbagreb // @biafbunny // @ayo-cowbelly // @ellyseveronica // @saspencereid // @takethee // @ethereal-stark // @shirayuki1204 // @spencerreidspp // @jesuswasnotawhiteman // @stinkykay // @exzidss // @ifuckinghatepinapples // @youhaveabadconnection // @kaseyjohnson04 // @vampiracontessa // @princesssmooshie // @gardenroses1 // @r0s3mm // @willyoulovemeinthemorning // @rrtxcmt // @softpeteparker // @littleiswhattheycallme // @hoeyadoingbitch // @emmariexx // @oops-all-ajs / @reidemandweep // @oliwisstephhh // @g0lden-cth // @measure-in-pain // @amesandpineapples // @spencerreidat3am //

[sunnysunoo]

Love Letters ; Sim Jake

Pairing: Jake X Reader

warnings: explicit language and cursing

word count: 3k words

genre: friends to lovers au! fluff with tiny pieces of crack lmao

Jake was always known for being this perfect guy in school. I mean, they're not wrong. They always described him as if he's this walking piece of art in the hallways. People would stop to just stare at him. You'd stare at him all day too, but you set priorities first: writing him love letters.

You're no Lara Jean, but I guess you can say that she's what inspired you to write Jake letters. Who needs Peter Kavinsky when Jake Shim exists anyways?

note: Not me completely disappearing off of tumblr for like months and then showing up again suddenly lol. I got really busy the past few months since I was completing requirements for school, and I really didn't have the motivation to do anything at the time so I took so time off to take care of myself first so I hope you understand :) But now since it's summer break, I am given at least 2 more months until I go back to school in August :)) Here's the long-awaited Jake imagine that I completely forgot about lmao hope you enjoy <3

P.S I finished writing this at 1:26 am so please excuse the really shitty plot and grammar ill rewrite it once i wake up

tag list: @cha-raena ( sorry for the rlly late post bestie )

Dear Jake, First of all, I will never call you Jaeyun because calling you by your English name makes me feel like I'm your friend. Calling you by your Korean name makes us feel like we're cold strangers to one another and I don't want that. I want us to be something more than that, but it's hard when you don't even know who I am. I'm surprised how you don't grow tired of me just dropping letters right into your locker every time you open it, and that's one of the things I love about you. You don't just throw away people's efforts and you treasure them with care. It makes my heart beat so fast as if I ran miles away from here.

We're already one year left until we graduate high school, and I don't want to end my high school years without you realizing my feelings for you. I know for sure that you would never reciprocate the feelings that I have towards you, so I want to treat this as closure in case we do forget about each other in the future. Yours truly,

Moon

__

"How is this person not over you? That's like the tenth one this month," Jay said, looking over Jake as he reads the letter from his secret admirer. Jake has always been receiving these letters from the same person everyday for the past four months. He's thankful for the letters because they definitely make his day better, knowing that there's someone out there who loves him as who he is regardless of looks. He's not gonna lie that these little notes and letters make his heart race too. "Do you have any plans with finding the person behind the letters?" Jay asked as he watches his best friend trying to hide the small smile that's been growing. No one really knows who this mysterious person is and why they decided to name themselves the moon, but we don't judge anyone in here. If they want to be the moon in their next life, then so be it. "I really want to find the person who's making these letters," Jake shoved the letter in his backpack, trying to not wrinkle it. "But I don't know where to start." "Who's finding who?" A voice popped suddenly beside the presence of the two boys. You leaned beside the locker beside Jake's, watching him as he grabs his books from his locker. "Did Moon drop your daily letter today again?" "They did as usual," Jake wasn't even surprised. He would expect the letters every time he enters the school in the morning. He would open his locker to see the usual small letter placed inside his locker. He usually arrives at seven or earlier, but he's surprised that he could never even catch a glance of this anonymous sender around the campus. "Should I go to school at five in the morning?" "Five in the morning? Isn't that a bit too early?" You questioned, followed by a shaky breath. "The school doesn't even open until six." "I could just walk to that nearby convenience store I always pass by to grab a coffee." He argues, closing his locker shut before walking towards his classroom.

You and Jay followed beside him, and you sneered under your breath, "You don't even wake up to your alarm clock."

"Why don't you even want me to go early anyway?" He glances as you try to give him an answer. But before you could say something, Jay replies first.

"You’re probably hiding something." He said. You rolled your eyes and narrowed your eyes at him. "You are so weird." You grunted, before walking ahead of them. You feel panicked because you were scared that you made yourself obvious to them.

__

You were inside your classroom sitting on your desk. There were only fifteen minutes left before lunch, but you had eaten your packed meal before instead of going to your school cafeteria. You were fidgeting in your place, conflicted about Jake finding his secret admirer, not knowing that it was you who's been sending him letters the past few months. You're not scared of him finding out that the letters were from you; that was the entire reason why you wrote him letters in the first place. You're scared of how he was gonna confront you about it. Would he like you back? Would he hate you? Would he avoid you?

Your mind was full of scenarios but you were suddenly brought back to reality when a hand planted itself on your desk. You look up and saw Jay standing in front of you, eating sushi with his other hand. His face kinda looks like he knows something, and it's freaking you out a bit.

"What?" You asked, suddenly flustered over how his eyes stared right into you. He took the seat in front of your desk and flipped it so it was facing you. He sat down and blurted the phrase that you were dreading to hear from anyone.

"So, you like Jake?"

You suddenly feel like punching him in the face with his sushi.

"What??" Your body felt like, and you were left a nervous mess. Your heart like it was going to pump right out of your chest any minute, and your hands started to sweat.

Jay's mouth formed into a smirk. He caught you. "Jake may be a bit oblivious, but I can totally see right through you."

“Haha...no you don’t,” You tried to deny, but it was all useless when his expression looked unconvinced.

“Oh yeah? Then why are you all red? You look like a bursting tomato.”

“You don’t know that," You leaned further into your seat, playing with the strings of your hoodie.

“C’mon Y/N, you’re not even trying. Just give up and admit it,” Jay was trying to help you confess your feelings for Jake. Frankly, he knew it was you sending him letters this whole time—how can Jake not see it?

With a heavy sigh, you slumped and laid your head on your desk, embarrassed. “Fine. I like him, okay? Are you happy now?”

The smirk on his face grew wider, feeling proud of himself. You are not dealing with his annoying crap this early in the morning. He grinned and munched on his half-eaten sushi. “I knew it.”

“Congratulations,” It was muffled because you hid your red face away from him. All that was on your mind now was how you could book yourself a flight all the way across the world.

“But seriously, since when did you have a crush on him?” You raised your head to face him, giving him a look that could kill, except Jay finds it entertaining rather than intimidating.

“I started having a crush on him when we were in fifth grade. It was at a friend's birthday party, and he saw me being all quiet and lonely. Honestly, I forgot who’s birthday that was.” You told him the very first time you had discovered feelings.

“He saw how sad I looked so he accompanied me the whole time. He was even trying to feel more included in the games and stuff.” You felt a smile ghosting on your lips as you can still vividly remember how you felt your heart tug the first time. “It was kinda like I fell in love at first sight.”

Jay faked a gag, so you lightly punched him in the shoulder. He may be a bit of an asshole, but he’s one the most caring and kind people you’ve ever met. It honestly felt good spilling out your feelings about Jake to him.

Speaking of, Jake was watching you two play around and laugh at Jay's little jokes from outside, and he felt something burning from inside him. Was it that he felt jealous of you and Jay?

No, he can’t be...right?

Maybe it was because of how he felt separated from you and Jay because of him being a separate class.

Yeah, maybe it's because of that.

__

Dear Jake,

I just had the most bizarre day today, and I felt like telling you about it.

It was chemistry period, and we had to be partnered with someone for a lab project. I ended up getting paired with Yeojin. We kinda created this unexpected friendship, which I love. We would crack jokes at each other, tell funny stories, it was so fun to be with her that we had completely forgotten about our project. So now, we both got a detention slip for making an accidental explosion.

How about you? How was your day? I hope it was just as fun as mine. If you feel like the day just wasn't as happy or you're feeling down, just now that it's okay to feel that way because days like these just lasts for 24 hours. It will be all over before you know it and you'll be greeted by another day. Maybe it will be different, and you would be all happy again just like how my day went. Maybe being with you would be my happiest day yet, and I couldn't wait for that day to come. See you soon :)

Love,

Moon

__

"Yeojin!" Jake called, seeing her walk down the opposite way. "Hey, mind if I ask you something?"

"Hey Jake," She greeted him with a smile. "Sure, go ahead."

"Could you perhaps give me any information about your partner in Chemistry?" He had hopes of getting any kind of description about his mysterious sender, but he was instead given a sad frown on Yeojin's face.

"Sorry Jake, but that person told me not to tell you about their information." She gave an apologetic smile. "I wish you all the best in finding them!"

Jake muttered a small "okay," and sighed before walking away, feeling defeated.

Yeojin knew that he was gonna ask about Moon the moment he called her from across the hall. She couldn't wait to tell you about this.

__

"Hey Y/N," A voice said from behind. You turned around to see Jake with his backup hung on his shoulder. He brought his hand up and raked his hair, and you felt your face grow red. Jake is like a gift from the gods. How can someone look so ethereal even if they're just standing there? You could stare at him all day. You couldn't even understand a thing he said until he started waving his hands in front of you.

"Hello?" You blinked multiple times as you were brought back out to reality. You saw Jake's face grow into concern. "Are you okay? spaced out."

"O-oh..No, I'm completely fine." You reassured him, feeling embarrassed. "What were you saying again?"

"I was asking you if you wanted to go to school with me early tomorrow."

Well, shit.

Your eyes started to go wide, and your hands started to go clammy.

"Tomorrow?" You repeated, voice trembling.

'Well, yeah." He pouted his lips, and you felt like melting into a small puddle in your place. Your heart started to pound heavily.

Oh my fucking god, he is so adorable.

"Okay, sure I can go with you tomorrow," You weakly smiled at him, slightly tense.

How we're you going to give him the letter now?

__

"Good Morning," Jake said as he watches you close the gates of your house. It was past five in the morning, and you were a mess.

"Morning," You replied back before running your fingers through your hair, getting rid of any flyaways.

As you started walking your way to the bus stop, Jake kept on glancing towards you from time to time. He knew you were pretty, but since when did you become really beautiful in his eyes?

The walk was pretty quiet, but it was a comfortable silence. For him, mostly.

Meanwhile, you couldn't stop freaking out. You had written a letter the night before, but you don't know how you were going to slip it into his locker without him taking notice. If he saw you, he would know.

"Are you sure you're okay? You've been like this since yesterday," Jake blurted. You looked at him before heaving a sigh.

"It's nothing," You mouthed, suddenly feeling anxious and gloomy.

"Something on your mind?"

"Something like that." It was hopeless. I guess he would have to miss this letter today. It was the first time you skipped a day, and you're feeling guilty that you would have to see Jake's face sadden that he wouldn't receive it today.

As you two stop at the bus stop, Jake looked slightly panicked as he was rummaging through the pockets of his blazer before looking through his bag. "Hey, do you have an extra pen? I left mine at home and I have a quiz today."

You snickered, "Out of all the days, Sim Jake. The same day you have a quiz is the same day you forget your pen."

"Very funny." He scoffed.

As you unzipped your bag to grab your pencil case, a folded piece of paper fell out without you realizing it. When Jake went to pick it up, he notices that it was folded the same way as the letters in his locker. It looked so identical.

Once you already got your pencil case out, you were about to hand it to him when you saw what he was holding that made your body freeze with your hand holding the case in the air.

"Why were one of my letters inside your bag?" He glanced at you, waiting for you to reply.

If you were freaking out before, this is a whole other thing. The thing that you were fearing the most is happening right before you.

"Maybe it fell into my bag yesterday..." You stammered, making up an excuse to look like it was an accident. You were tightly holding onto your pencil case, chanting many curse words in your head as you watch Jake unfold the letter.

"I don't think I've received this one yet," He said before he opened the letter and read it.

You watch as his expression formed into confusion as he reads through the paper. It only took a few moments before something in him clicked that it was you sending him the letters.

"Y/N," He began, and you started quivering in fear.

You should've known this would happen, but you didn't expect it to happen this sooner. In fact, you believed that this wouldn't happen at all. But it did.

"Let me explain," You eventually gave up and accepted fate and watch as your identity as "Moon" be revealed to your crush. You're now exposed so you didn't have any other choice but to explain everything. "Yes, I am Moon. I was the one writing you the letters that you've been getting in your locker."

Jake's face was unreadable. He looked bewildered and puzzled. He was trying to comprehend what was happening right now. All this time, it was you?

"I started crushing on you when we attended that birthday party before. I didn't want to confess my feelings for you because I was scared that you were going to harshly reject me, so I started writing down letters as a way to tell you how I feel about you without making you feel awkward around me." You continued, eyes suddenly taking an interest in your shoes. They were brand new too.

Jake was silent, and you felt your heart crack into pieces. You were mad at yourself for being so careless about it that he ended up finding out about you as his secret admirer. You wanted nothing else but to run back home, lock yourself in your room and cry with your sad playlist on loop.

You were expecting a harsh rejection coming from him, but what surprised was how he took dangerous steps towards you, minimizing the gap between you two. He placed his hand under your chin, forcing you to look up at him.

"I don't plan on rejecting you Y/N," You stare into his eyes as it reflects the sunlight of the early morning. "I'm actually happy that it was you."

You look at him, puzzled. He lowly chuckles under his breath before leaning over to place his lips against yours. It was a light, quick kiss, but it brought you feeling ecstatic. You've dreamed of this moment before, and now that it happened, you thanked your clumsiness.

As he pulled away, you were sure your face was a red mess.

"Thank you," His smile was as bright as the stars in the sky. It was the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. "Thank you for making me like I'm special to someone."

You felt flustered over his words. You were scared that he could hear the sound of your heart pounding loudly. The butterflies in your stomach were going wild, and you felt like this was all a dream.

"So, what am I to you now?" You broke into a smile as he grabs your hand, intertwining your fingers with his.

Jake acted as if he was thinking, "Hm..maybe my best friend still?"

He bursts into a fit of giggles as he sees your smile slowly disappear, replacing it with a look of disbelief. You removed your hand from his and walked at a faster pace away from him.

He ran to match your pace beside you before holding your hand again, "I'm sorry, I won't ever do that again. Is my girl mad at me?"

"Oh my god, it's only five-fifty, Jake." You too broke into laughter over his cheesiness, but your heart fluttered over the thought of Jake calling you his.

__

HERE’S A LITTLE BONUS! since I've made you guys wait for 4 months :(

"What the fuck?" Was the first thing You heard from Jay as you and Jake entered the classroom. All of your classmates were staring at your and his hands intertwined together.

Jay stood in front of you two, crossing his arms together. "Can one of you explain when this happened?" he motioned towards your linking hands. You and Jake smiled at each other before walking away, leaving Jay in a fit of joy, and confusion.

[happyselves]

Disaster qualification ( A Portimao story ) { Daniel Ricciardo x reader }

You were searching for your best friend Daniel in the paddock and garage of Mclaren, but he was nowhere to be found, you even asked a mechanic and some journalist. It wasn't his kind to leave like that and he wasn't answering his phone, but after that terrible qualification where he didn't pass through Q1, you weren't surprised. He needed a break, he was feeling pressure and anxious and you never saw him like that before, of course he knew that he needed time to adapt his driving style adn himself to his new car to make it one ,but he was starting to feel depressed as it wasn't going as fast as he thought. That's a thing you like in Daniel, he will always have that competitive side in him even after 10 years doing the job. His determination was always there, but he needed things to go as he planned otherwise he was starting to doubt himself and everything was starting to go downhill. You knew that he needed just a little push, a little sign that he was doing something good and he was evolving or going in the right way, it was a matter of time but he was so stubborn and impatient.

After more than an hour of searching for him you find his engineer who told you that he was quiet the whole debrief and just mumbled a quick " I'm going back to the hotel ". So that's where he was, back in the hotel, probably at the gym hitting the frustration away on some punching ball perhaps. His engineer asked you if you wanted to take the ride to go back to the hotel with them since he left you all alone in the paddock. You couldn't believe he let you there, even Michael. You needed to have a talk with him too after you find Daniel and scold him as well.

Arriving in the hotel lobby you ask at the front desk where the gym was and they show you the direction, but when you enter it, no trace of Daniel or MIchael, well there must be only one place he could be and you were heading to eat now. You knock on his bedroom door, once, twice and one last time before remembering that he actually gave you one spare key if you needed anything, you didn't really know why he did but right now you were glad he did as you opened the door. It was dark, all the countain were close and only an ambiance light was on, and then you find him, sitting on the floor, only wearing a long shirt and his boxers, the rest of his clothes messy on the floor. He didn't even look up when he heard someone coming in, perfectly knowing it was you, plus he was to focus on his big tub of ice cream that was already halfway through eaten. You silently sit next to him, your head laying on the edge of the bed, watching the ceiling. You didn't have to wait long for him to offer you his spoon for you to take some of his vanilla ice cream. Vanilla ... so cliche yet you knew that when he was feeling down it was always the one it would choose because it was a safe choice. You took the spoon and dug it in the melted ice cream before bringing it to your lips, where he finally looked at you.

" Are you here to scold me or to witness my misery ? " he asks you, almost lost in his mind as his eyes focus on your lips where some vanilla fell down the spoon, he licked his own lips as he was waiting for you to answer.

" I don't know, I was going to kick your ass for forgetting me at the track then ice cream came into the party so I guess you already know what I think of what you did, right ? " You were now going to sit straight in front of him.

" I fucked up ... " he was defeated, like he lost hope and belief in him and it never happened to him before, maybe once or twice in his career but not recently, not when everyone including him knows how great of a driver he is. It's like your heart broke at the sight of him like this.

" You know that didn't mean anything, you will be better tomorrow, I know you know it too." You tried to reassure him, putting your hands on his knees, searching for his gaze, but you felt it didn't really work this time.

" No, look at the reality, I still can't do anything in this car, I don't know why, that's not them it's me and I'm scared I won't be able to deliver what I promised them" Yes you definitely never saw him like that, the team wasn't really putting pressure on him, they knew he needed time and everyone one else, if there were someone to blame here, that would be the media here, you were sure of it, Daniel isn't someone to give up, even when it hurts, he take the punch and fight back silently if he needs to, showing everyone the flame he had in him the next day. The flame wasn't here right now, you were searching for it as he finally locked eyes with you, but it was nowhere to be found. How will you be able to bring it back ?

" Daniel ... look at me " you took the ice cream tub away from his hands to put it as far on the floor as possible. Your hands find his face directly after that, taking his cheeks in your palm to force him to face you.

" You are Daniel Ricciardo, you are not done at all and you will get up and do better tomorrow, this qualification didn't mean anything even your team isn't mad about it, Daniel don't start to listen to the media again, you know they are just trying to write on blank paper because they don't have better story to feed themselves with. You are better than this and you need to believe in yourself the same way I believe in you, otherwise you might just quit then and we both know you are not a quitter. " This long motivational sentence felt more like a declaration to your friend and by the way his eyes showed a bit of sparkle, you knew you had reached him there. His eyes were focused on yours and you felt they were piercing your soul making you suddenly feel very shy, your own cheeks blushing. You didn't let go of Daniel's face, blown away by how handsome he was in this moment, so vulnerable under your touch. The new emotion you were discovering of him was drawing new lines on his beautiful face, making him even more mesmerizing. Your fingers were caressing his skin like he was the most precious thing in the world. These tired lines make him slightly older than he was but you find it charming. His eyes shut at the touch and he let a long breath he has been holding for long leave his chest. Your index finds his eyelid, touching and examining every little detail of your best friend. You never did that before with him, with anyone else for that matter and it felt so intimate yet you couldn't stop and the most important thing was that you didn't want to anyway.

His hands find yours, placing them on top of it and taking them in as he opens back his eyes, his lips brushing your fingers to kiss them as what you find to be a thankful gesture.

" You always know what to say to me, no matter what you are always here for me even when I am trying to push you away far to not hurt you " His sincerity knocked you, was he thinking that he was hurting you ?

" You didn't hurt me Daniel, what hurt me is seeing you like this and not being able to do much to make you feel better, I want to do so much for you, that might sound selfish, but just to be able to see that beautiful smile of you, I would do anything " You were entering a dangerous category here and you didn't know if it was something a friend would say in normal term. The last phrase piqued his curiosity and you saw it had his eyes change radically.

" Anything ? " Your hands were still locked in his, he was caressing your skin with his thumb until the pressure felt more firm and he brought you closer to him, making you lose balance and almost fell on his chest. It was dangerous and you like it, you never thought of him this way but the possibility of something more with him just smash open a door in your brain. You didn't know if you should let everything go as it comes or stop it right now before it's too late. Your brain couldn't think at all, not like your pounding heart in your chest.

" anything ... yes " He didn't have the time to act before you close the gap between you two and catch his lips. It was just a peck but that was enough for him to freeze, not moving an inch before he realised what was happening.

That's where his lips react on their own and kiss you back, deepening the kiss, releasing all the passion he didn't know he had for you. The texture of your lips throwing him off the edge, the vanilla taste of the ice cream still on your lips. He let go of your hands to catch your thighs, making you uncross them to straddle him and being even more close to his body. Your hands find their perfect place on the back of his neck and head, playing with the dark curls of his hair. You feel like time has stopped and all the anxiety was leaving Daniel's body, you were like a medicine to him. Healing him from all his worries, nothing matters in this instant, not the race tomorrow or the qualification that he had today or even the consequences of it, just you ... only you. It took you all the courage in you to break the kiss and make him look at you, because he didn't know why you stopped it since it was feeling so good and so right.

" Daniel ... " The words were stuck in your throat, you didn't even remember what you wanted to say as his eyes laid on you, if you didn't know him better you would have said that he was very adorable, but no he was doing his puppy face with his swallowed lips from the kiss. .You know exactly what he was trying to do and it's not the change of dynamics in your relationship that will erase his behavior when he wants something. He wanted you to write on his face, he could even try to hide it and he didn't want to, that's why his hands were now finding their way sneakily under your shirt, like you wouldn't notice.

" You need to rest, we have all the time to continue << this >> another time, but it's late and you need to rest " You were poking his chest, making him giggle. If he was asking you if you wanted to continue this, you weren't sure that you would be capable of saying no, but he gladly asked something else.

" Then, stay with me, sleep in my bed tonight, just tonight ... I don't want to be alone " Puppy eyes ... again and your heart melts ... again. How were you able to resist him before ? Since your lips touch his it was impossible now, your brain wasn't thinking and your body couldn't be in total control around him.

" Okay I will stay ... if you promise me to behave '' He lifts his hands up in the air looking like an innocent baby, mimicking with his fingers an invisible zip on his lips.

You both got in bed, you borrowed one of his shirts and decided to only wear it with your panty. You fell asleep easily in each other's arms,but it's later in the night when you turn that you felt Daniel spooning behind you, grabbing one of your breasts with one hand, the other one grabbing you by the waist to get closer. His breath in your neck, sensing your scent before leaving some butterflies to kiss. He was definitely awake and was now lifting your shirt to feel your skin. You were in a state where you weren't awake but aware of what was happening. You tried your best to hide the smile that was forming on your face but it was impossible when your new lover was making it very clear he wanted you. Slightly opening your eyes, it was still dark outside which could only mean it was too early to wake up and that you should both sleep again, especially him since he had to race tomorrow and he couldn't lose sleep even if you both wanted to explore each other's bodies for the remainder of the night. You hummed a quick moan before turning to face him, you could barely see his figure in the dark but you could imagine how he was hungrily watching you. Touching his lips with your fingers you feel his teeth biting his down lips. He was definitely leaning toward your touch like he never had someone come in physical contact with him tenderly.

" Daniel ..." was the only thing your tired voice could say before the breath you were holding released itself. " You have the race tomorrow ", you poke his chest with your finger, trying to distance yourself from his warm embrace.

" I don't care, what matters to me now is you ", he caresses your cheeks from the palm of his head before letting it hang on the side of your neck. One movement toward him and your lips would meet again.

" You don't think about the race because you are tired, and that's exactly why I've made you promise to behave", you whispered that last part, thankful the dark was hiding your cheeks burning at the idea of him and you. After what felt like an eternity, but just a couple of seconds in real silence you heard him lick his lips and he moved away from you, putting a physical distance between your two bodies like an act of resistance from him.

" You're right ... ", it wasn't sadness or disappointment in his voice, more like his inner voice of reason making an apparition in his blurry thought,blind by lust until now.

" Trust me I want you just as much, I've just find you, we are finally on the same page, and I promise you that I am fighting just as much as you right now not to touch you and have you only for me ", you rambled and he shush you just as quick as your word coming out of your mouth.

A sigh came out of his mouth and you felt him sniffing his body on the back, his eyes looking at the nonexistent ceiling in the dark. He searches your hand to tranglying your fingers together and keeps the contact between you. You soon after did the same and you were now two idiots looking at nothing, your eyes not finding anything to focus on and they shut themselves to rest.

You fell asleep like this, side by side, holding hands, frustrated to not have given to the pulsion you both had.

The brightness of the room was what woke you, it was hard to open your eyes and when you did, the light and the tiredness of your eyes blinded your vision, a tear forming on the corner of one eye was soon to be wrapped away by a finger. His finger, he was awake, sitting on the side of the bed, already ready to leave for the paddock.

" Hello beautiful ", he said and his voice could be compared to that of an angel. " I've got to run for debrief but you can stay in a bit longer if you want, I ordered breakfast for you it shouldn't be long to arrive ", he was so careful, you hadn't really clarified the relation between the two of you, but was the word couple needed when he was already being so perfect ? You knew it wasn't an act for your new dynamics because he was already like that before. He kissed you on the cheek and stood up, you were already missing him and he wasn't even gone yet.

" mmh, give me an hour and I will join you ", your sleepy voice made him smile so bright that it was competing with the sun to know which one will warm your heart the most.

" See you there ", was the last thing he said before he disappeared in the hallway, closing the door behind him.

That day he end up p9 which was a huge work from him and the team after the knock out in q1 from yesterday. You felt proud of him even if he wasn't feeling the car like his own yet. You Saw him briefly after the race, when he offered you a hug and a small kiss on the lips, a kiss that felt like a thank you for always being there for him and putting his needs before yours. Thank you for being the best friend he needed, the ears who listen to his complain and the voice of reason in his head. The person that will make him feel better no matter how down he feel. You both didn't needed words to express how last night change everything in your relationship but not so much in your friendship. You were evolving together and it was only the beginning of something beautiful that didn't need an end. A book you start reading but never end because there is no end. The only end you knew so far was the promising end of the day. He took time to whisper in your ears before leaving for his post-race interview.

Yes it was definitely an end you were looking forward to indeed.

MASTERLIST

[beomeli]

A normal October night || C.SB

Warning: mention of drinking, underaged drinking, mild swearing

Genre: Angst, unrequited love, heartbreak

Non-idol!Soobin X gn!Reader

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

As the cold night of october settled with beautiful autumn leaves and quiet streets, one specific house didn't bother keeping the nice aesthetic at peace.

People were dancing, drinking, making out, all while loud music played in the background. They didn’t care about the complaining, they only wanted to make as much possible of their youthful days. Even though the house was fairly big, every space was crowded with drunk people having the time of their lives. Making the rooms feel small and claustrophobic. As for you, you were standing alone towards a white wall.

Your best friends had convinced you to come, and since one of them kept on insisting, you couldn’t do much but to agree. That one was Choi Yeonjun, an excited extrovert that always acted out on whatever came to mind, as for the other.. his name was Choi Soobin, the more quiet and calm one. Even though they were different personality wise, they complemented each other very well. Always seeming to get along and joke around, Yeonjun pulling stupid antics and Soobin laughing alongside. they were very good best friends. And they were your best friends.

Your first encounter with Yeonjun almost felt unreal. You being a first year and him being one year above, saw you quietly sitting alone outside the school building. you were eating your lunch by yourself next to the school gymnasium. And as he walked past you towards the gym, he couldn’t help but walk up and greet you.

Ever since that day you've been great friends. Even though you had different classes that also were on different floors you managed to hang out with him quite often. And after a few weeks Yeonjun introduced you to his so called other best friend. That person was Soobin. A freshman just as you, who was in a different class, hence why you hadn’t talked nor seen him before. But still, you fell for him, hard. Not only was he intelligent, funny and kind, he was extremely beautiful. His whole demeanor and appearance was breathtaking. You couldn’t help but take notice at his every feature, slowly ascending into a rabbit hole with nothing to stop you. The more you talked to him the more your love grew. And the fact that he actually saw you as his best friend made your heart skip.

You had hoped for this party to be a great time for you and your friends to dance and have fun. But as soon as you stepped through the wooden door and into the sea off people, you understood that, that wouldn't be the case. Yeonjun made his way towards the kitchen talking to his friend from other schools. Soobin on the other hand, awkwardly made his way towards the living room, trying to keep a low profile. You knew Soobin wasn’t very fond of parties, hence the biggest reason he tried so hard convincing you to come.

“Come on Y/N, I don’t want to take care of Yeonjun alone! Plus, I really like your company..” his words stuck with you, he enjoyed your company? He wanted to spend time with you? You couldn’t help but repeat his phrase in your head. Fixating on every word he said, happy that he wanted to have you around him.

You followed behind closely, trying to not bump into all too many people as the rooms were tightly crowded with all the drunken people. The smell of alcohol being unavoidable. Soobin found an empty wall and leaned towards it, inspecting everyone. While you closely snuck your way past all the people and also leaned toward that white wall.

The music was even louder, the atmosphere humid, as all the drunk sweaty people were jumping up and down to the music. But you couldn’t help but feel an comfortable aura as Soobin stood close to you, smiling a bit to himself. Your heart skipped a beat.

"It's not even 8 pm and people are already wrecked." You started casually, as you looked at all the drunk people roaming around, dancing.

"Yeah, And in about 20 minutes, Yeonjun will become one of them" Soobin answered, looking over at you with a small smile. You let out a chuckle at his funny remark, looking up at him and seeing that beautiful smile of his. Your cheeks felt warm as a smile crept up on your lips.

"Oh well, good thing there's two of us cause we all know that Yeonjun is a two-man-job" you replied, which made Soobin let out a little laugh. The beautiful sound ringing so perfectly in your ears.

"Yeah.." he looked back at the people, keeping that smile. Your heart skipped a beat, and slowly, you felt the urge creeping up on you. You wanted to confess. You knew confessing in a party with music blasting and people being all crazy wasn’t the most romantic, but you couldn’t hold back these feelings anymore. this was the time. You wanted to tell him how you felt.

"Soobin I have something to tell you.." you felt nervous, as your voice evidently shook a bit. your heartbeat speed up, as small sweat drops formed on your forehead. This was more nervwrecking than you thought.

"What is it Y/N?” the way he said your name so softly and how he kept that smile on his beautiful lips. You loved it.

Before you could continue your sentence, a sudden distraction occurred when someone accidentally bumped right into Soobin, falling head first into his arms. Quickly, he grabbed the person by the arms, trying to help the person in question finding their balance. Before you knew it, they looked up. She was stunning, absolutely gorgeous. You almost blushed when you saw her beautiful features complimenting her in every way.

"Oh my god! I am so sorry!" She was evidently embarrassed, her voice not sounding slurred or anything, she was probably a bit more on the sober side. She looked apologetic as she kept apologizing for literally launching at Soobin, but Soobin was kind. Giving her that dimpled smile and telling her that everything was fine.

"No it's okay!" Soobin quickly replied, he took a good look at the girl in front of him, even he looked stunned at her beauty, you noticed a small blush forming on his cheeks. You were paralyzed.

"I was just trying to get to the kitchen and suddenly someone came out of nowhere and pushed me.." the girls voice was soft, and she seemed so sweet. Soobin couldn't help but stare at her fondly, inspecting every bits of her. He was truly mesmerized.

You heart took a turn, this was the last thing you wanted. You confession directly flew out the door. There’s no way you could confess now. Maybe this was for the better..? Never had Soobin ever looked at you that way. You felt defeated.

"Don't worry. We all know being sober in a room with drunk people are bound to cause trouble." Soobin said, making the girl laugh.

"Yeah haha, they love coming out of nowhere.." She continued, and to that you were just watching intently as the girl and Soobin made conversation. It seemed so casual, like they've known each other their whole life. And you could see a faint blush on Soobin’s cheeks.

"My name is Soobin, and yours?"

"Yujin, nice to meet you Soobin" they shook hands, looking at each other with adoration. While completely ignoring you.

You couldn't handle the sight and slowly slinked your way out of the situation. Sure, meeting a new person is fine, especially if they seem as nice as her. But why did they have to ignore you? You were standing right there, watching their moves intently. Couldn’t you at least get a ‘hi’ or an introduction from soobin? No, your presence was too invincible.

You could feel tears pricking your eyes but you tried your hardest keeping them in. You didn't want to cause a scene and especially in front of Soobin. You didn’t come to this party for your own entertainment, you came to support Soobin. If he was happy without your company, then you had to accept it.

Slowly you made your way to a new bare wall, a bit afar from Soobin and Yujin, you could still observe them talking. And so you did, occasionally looking down at your phone and texting a few people. You wanted to go to Yeonjun but he was dancing crazy on the dance floor which you had expected. so you just decided to keep leaning towards that white wall. Luckily, you had your phone, you could distract yourself easily by playing on it for a few hours. Still, the growing feeling of sadness didn’t ease of your mind. You were disappointed to say the least, this was suppose to be a night you confessed. But everything changed so quickly, in a heartbeat.

As time ticked, Soobin and Yujin were still talking. for the first time in a long time, you looked over at them. surprised to see Soobin holding a red cup. When did he get that drink? I didn't even know Soobin liked alcohol.. You shrugged it off, knowing that Soobin is a responsible person and you were just too tired to even think straight.

Quietly, you tapped on Soobin’s shoulder, he looked down at you with surprise.

"Oh hey Y/N. What is it?" His voice was a bit harsh, as if he didn't want to get interrupted talking to Yujin at this time. It made your heart sink, you just wanted to get out of there quickly.

"Hey Soobin soo,” you paused and looked up at him more clearly, he was anticipating your sentence, clearly wanting to go back to whatever him and Yujin talked about. Eager to keep hearing whatever she had to say.

“..I'm really tired and I think I wanna go home now so.."

"Oh.." he didn’t know what else to say, but it was enough for you to understand that you would leave this party alone. You felt you hear crumble, tears pricking your eyes. He had promised to walk you home that night, since he knew it was quite a walk and being a Saturday night it might be dangerous. But now you knew that walking home together were no longer an option. You nodded and made your way out the crashed house, ascending into the dark streets of Seoul.

As soon as you had turned a block, tears fell down you soft red cheeks, and a quiet sobbing followed by that. Thinking back, it was good that you never confessed, cause it was obviously one-sided all along. It was clear that he liked Yujin. You couldn't stop feeling such pain in your chest as you thought back to that scene of him and her talking, just letting you stand by all alone. How he never once, looked over his shoulder to see if you still were there, or even hesitating when he noticed your small disappointed face when he waved you off. He said he enjoyed your company, and he’s suppose to be your best friend. How could one girl make everything change so drastically?

Now you were walking home, alone. Crying, freezing and heartbroken.

You were angry at Soobin for letting this happen, but also angry at yourself. For thinking that you even had a chance with him in the first place.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Finally you came home without incident. You locked the door and slipped of you shoes before sluggishly making your way towards your bedroom. The crying had stopped now, but the depressive aura was still there. And so you fell onto your bed letting out a loud sigh.

After playing with your phone for almost 3 hours at the party, it was dead, so you plugged it in and made your way towards the shower. It was nice letting some steam off as you took your time in the warm shower.

You hair now wrapped around in a towel, along with you dressed in a pajamas. You made your way back towards the bed, reaching for your phone on the nightstand and turning it on. Your screen flashes the notification box, showing 5 missed calls and 11 messages from Soobin. You were chocked, why had he so desperately tried contacting you? Quickly you dialed him back.

He picked up immediately.

"Y/N! Aahh, Finally you picked up!” He sounded hysterical, but you heard how his voice tried calmed down, trying to compose his breathing again.

“Where are you? I thought we were going home together." Had he forgotten the whole ‘I want to go home?’ Conversation? This was ridiculous.

"Soobin. I told you that I wanted to go home and you just told me goodbye before continuing talking to that girl.. so I went home alone." You couldn't believe that he actually forgot that conversation because he was so invested in Yujin, which only made you more upset.

Soobin was quiet, probably trying to find his words. After a while, you could hear a tired sigh.

"I- I'm so sorry Y/N. God, I'm such an idiot. Please let me make it up to you.."

You could hear regret in his voice, he felt guilty for sure. but still that sourness didn't disappear,

"I can come over and we can watch a movie or have a sleepover.." you heard the desperate attempt to make his situation better but only silence fell from your lips.

"I don't think that's a good idea right now. I'm really tired so I'm going to bed but, but I guess I'll see you around." You were harsh in your tone, just like he was an hour ago. And to that you hung up before he could even answer you. For some it may seem harsh, but to you it felt like a good start to try forgetting him.

Cause you were now a 100% that being with him would never happen.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Early morning came, and you felt the sun shining on your skin. It was a nice October morning, one that you’d have the urge to sit by a cafe and watch the beautiful autumn leaves flow by as the wind drifted them away. The apartment was quiet. And you comfortable woke up to the sound of the city waking up. As you made your way toward the kitchen, wanting to get started on some breakfast. The doorbell rang. Quickly you made your way to the wooden door. Turning the handle without checking who it was first.

"Soobin?" Was the first word that came out, you were chocked to meet eyes with your tall friend. He looked tired, had soft eyebags and messier hair, but he stilled looked stunning. You imagined if that would be how Soobin looked like waking up next to him. Feeling his soft skin and touches.

"Hey can I come in?" Soobin looked at you with sweet eyes while holding up a bag of snacks. You knew this was his way of redemption, trying to make it up to you.

Before you could answer Soobin spoke up again,

"Please, I really want to make it up to you.." his voice still calm, but showing so much emotions. And his eyes pleading with guilt. You couldn't resist him. You were close caving in, inviting him inside and letting him win over you once more. But you had to refuse,

"I'm sorry Soobin, but I'm busy today.." you didn't look up at him to see his reaction, but you noticed how he let out a loud sigh.

"Okay then.. well you can just call me whenever you're free." And with that he set the bag of snacks down and made his way from your door. You promptly closed the door behind him and sighed to yourself. You didn't want to reject him like that, but you also couldn't handle being so hopelessly in love with him. This the best way to dismiss your feelings, in better words. Stop loving him.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

"Hey Y/N! I’m waiting for you by the ice-cream store already!" Yeonjun’s positive tone made you feel better.

"Okay sure, I’ll be there in 10 minutes." A faint chuckle let out from your lips.

"Okay! Bye!" And to that you hung up the phone.

It has gone by a few weeks since that party. And your terms with Soobin wasn't the best at the moment. He had stopped trying to make it up to you, which seemed like a good thing, but he started seeing Yujin more and more. Apperantly they exchanged phone numbers and they've been going out together. Jealousy overcame you, you didn't want this to happen. But still, you can’t control how Soobin felt towards other, this was your problem to bare. Your selfishness was the reasoning for this. So you had to make up for it by yourself.

You quickly slipped on your shoes before heading out the door.

After a 5 minute walk you saw the mentioned Ice-cream shop that you and Yeonjun wanted to try out. Yeonjun stood outside the shop, tall and handsome, and along side him was... Soobin.

You cursed Yeonjun for not telling you that Soobin also were invited, you were in the middle of operation-forget-Soobin and it was impossible if Soobin was in your presence. You knew that as soon as you met his beautiful eyes you were bound cave in once more. But there was no turning back now, Yeonjun spotted you and loudly shouted for you to hurry. And so you did. Soobin looked at you, his eyes inspecting your every move. you could feel your heartbeat quicken. This was awkward, you haven't answered any of Soobin’s texts or phone calls and now you were on your merry way to meet him face to face.

"I'm so excited, I've been craving Ice-cream the whole day!" Yeonjun put his arm around you before happily entering the shop. It was a lot of people there, hence it being a new place. You stood at the queue and waited. Soobin was behind you. you could feel his gaze watch over you as you tried your best to ignore him. His presence was unbearable, and your heartbeat kept quickening.

Slowly he leaned closer to you and bent down towards your ear.

"You look nice today.." his tone was sweet and soft. Your breath hitched at his action. Dammit Soobin. You tried your best to continue ignoring him, instead looking over at Yeonjun and tried starting a conversation.

“Should I get Oreos or caramel as a topping?”

......

After 10 minutes you all had finally gotten the ice-cream you craved and stood outside the shop in the nice October sunlight. Digging in immediately. Yeonjun enjoyed his ice-cream loudly, complimenting it every second he got. Soobin on the other hand was gentle and licked small portions, not making any sound at all. It impressed you that such different people can become such good friends.

There was an awkward silence between the three of you, which only you and Soobin noticed. Yeonjun was too invested in his ice-cream to even notice the tension you and Soobin had built up.

It was uncomfortable, feeling Soobin’s eyes pierce onto you, trying to get your attention. At this point you knew he was desperate for winning you back. He missed his best friend. But you didn't oblige, you kept the determination to ignore him and stared at the ice-cream, trying to wave off his intensive stare.

Yeonjun finished of his ice-cream with a loud sigh and looked at you with a big smile.

"Best mint chocolate ice-cream I've ever had!" He chuckled as he made his way towards the door.

"Wait, where are you going?" You asked quickly, he pointed towards the inside and mumbled about tissues. Before you could intervene and follow him inside he closed the door behind him.

Making you and Soobin stand outside there all alone.

Curse you Yeonjun for being so ignorant, there's no way you can make it out of this situation without awkward tension.

You let out a loud sigh and looked down at the ground. Continuing to lick your ice-cream. Soobin was quiet, but he kept his stare. You just wanted this situation to end as quick as possible.

"Y/N, I know you're angry at me.. I know I screwed up.." he started, you could hear his voice cracking a bit. But you didn't dare to look up at his expression. You kept listening,

"But please, listen to me when I tell you that I am genuinely sorry. I miss you, you know.." his tone was desperate, he truly meant every word. You knew him long enough to know how he sounds like when he's at the point of breaking.. At this point, you couldn’t take it anymore. The feeling of neglecting everything you have inside your heart was breaking you slowly, and you just couldn't take it.

You were quiet for a bit, but you let out a small sigh before starting,

"Soobin, I just feel so betrayed and disappointed.. you left me.. because of this girl, like this new girl was more important than your.. best friend.." you sounded so selfish and pathetic as your strong voice ended with a quiet whimpering as tears prickled your eyes. Soobin looked confused, his lips were trembling, so were his hands. But slowly he reached out to your hand. His soft touch feeling your cold hand. He held onto it and started caressing it with his thumb.

"I am sorry.." his voice was low, and he cursed at himself for not giving you a better respond, but he didn't know what to say. For being such a cool headed guy, he never knew what to do in situations like these. When someone was deeply hurt and the reasoning for it, was him.

As he looked down at you, something in his mind wasn't adding up. He still couldn't put a finger down why you were so disappointed as you were. Sure, the situation at hand was not something to just look past, but your demeanor and reaction was a bit different for a thing like this.

"Y/N, I am truly sorry.. I'm sorry for leaving you, ignoring you and forgetting you.." you just nodded as a response, keeping your head low.

“I will never do that again, ever. You are so important to me, and I don’t want to hurt you again.” He once again sounded desperate, but you knew his words were genuine. He really did treasure your friendship. Before you could respond, he started,

"But I need to know.., is there something else that I've done towards you?" His question took you by surprise. You knew Soobin wouldn't be satisfied with nothing but the truth. So you opted the only option left, It was time to say it. Your voice was trembling, and you slowly looked up at his eyes, tears prickling at your own. Slowly you opened your mouth, wording.

"Soobin.. I'm in love with you.."

you voice was shaking, and your heart at this point was about to burst. His eyes widened at the statement, and he let go of your hand.

It fell quiet between the two of you, only the city ambiance filling the quietness between you.

Say something dammit.. this was nervwrecking. He was just staring at you with wide eyes, not expecting to hear such deep words coming from you. You couldn’t help but fiddle with your fingers, waiting and waiting for his answer.

Just say something! Anything..!

He was quiet, shocked. You couldn’t take it anymore. You spoke up, tears now falling.

"I know you don't like me back, because of the way you.. look at her, I just know.." Soobin was quiet, his mind was in chaos trying to register and analyze what you just said.

"I'm.. sorry.." his voice was trembling, just like yours. He once again cursed himself for not giving you a better answer, here you are spilling you heart out, being vulnerable. And all he could do was say sorry. idiot.

you gave him a small nodded, as a appreciative smile crept up on your lips. You were grateful that the answer was clear as day, and that you could finally move on. You backed away a bit.

"It was nice while it lasted, you were a good friend Soobin.. and I hope you treat her well.." you couldn’t be there anymore, there was no reason to keep seeing that face he made. He looked shocked, almost in disbelief. It was too much to bare.

you turned around and threw what was left of the ice-cream into the trash bin. Before quickly walking away, leaving Soobin alone. He knew following you was pointless, it would just make the situation at hand worse. But he couldn’t help but to feel guilt and regret creeping up on him. Why couldn’t he say what he really thought..?

Yeonjun finally came out after a couple of minutes.

"Sorry for making you wait so long, I went to the restroom as well soo.." he trailed off when he noticed that you had left.

"Where did Y/N go.? Did they also go to the restroom?” Yeonjun looked over at Soobin, who was now looking down onto the pavement.

"They didn't feel well and went home.." Soobin said, a very blunt and obvious lie. Yeonjun sensed it, but he didn’t want to further question, this wasn’t his business. A loud sigh escaped his lips.

"That’s too bad, I really like hanging out with them.." Yeonjun was visibly upset. Scratching his head roughly.

"Yeah, Me too..”

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

A/N:

God I absolutely love pure angst, and I’ve always had a thing for unrequited love. Idk why

I wanted to end this in a sad note once again, hope you don’t mind :,)

I’ll probably do a more fluff next time and I was leaning against Yeonjun or Hueningkai. But I’m not sure.

If you have any ideas or suggestions, go ahead and send them in my ask box! I’d love to hear your ideas!

Either way, I want to say thank you for all the amazing response I got from Rainy Days. I was so nervous when posting but you all are so sweet!

Ty for reading, Byeee❤️

This work belongs to @Beomeli on tumblr. Please do not trace or copy my work ©

[whimsicallyreading]

Dark Roast, No Sugar

“Last night I woke the hell up. I realized I need you here, as desperate as that sounds, yeah.” - Jon Bellion

Masterlist

Chapter Nine-

Aelin showed up to the police department in a pair of leggings and an oversized shirt. She didn't even bother putting on the new-ish sneakers she owned, opting for the ones with holes because they didn't squeeze her feet. It wasn't the first impression she wanted to give, but you deserve a little forgiveness when making a whole-ass human.

Leaning over the dash of the car, she presses a friendly kiss to the side of Chaol's face. "Thanks for the ride, boys."

His cheeks redden, and Dorian leans as much of his body as he can into the front of the car, "No sugar for me?"

Aelin laughs and kisses his cheek good-naturedly. "Feel less left out now?"

"Much better," the corners of his happy smile dim, his blue eyes dart to the doors of the precinct. "Are you sure you don't want me to call you a lawyer, Aelin?"

Chaol nods his agreement beside him, his hands clenching the steering wheel despite the car being in park. "Do you want me to go inside with you?"

Aelin feels a bubble of warmth blossoming in her chest. Their worried faces and eagerness to help her- it was almost enough to warm an assassin's heart. "Don't worry. They just need me to clarify a few things in my statement. Nothing serious. Paperwork issues."

Dorian and Chaol had shown up right as she was walking out of the front door of The Stag. When they realized she was leaving and offered her a ride... Aelin couldn't say no. Not with how her feet were aching.

It took some more reassuring, but they finally agreed to let her leave their caring grasps.

Fenrys met her at the door with a smile, "Hey, Baby Mama. Looking beautiful."

Aelin is surprised to find she's genuinely happy to see him. She can't help the toothy grin he brings out in her. "I'm well. How are you this morning, Fen?"

Fenrys lights up at the nickname. "I bought us some donuts. We have a hard day of work ahead of us, and I figured we would deserve a treat in advance."

Donuts sounded phenomenal and vastly improved her outlook of the day.

He steers her through the PD, and several heads turn to stare as she passes. Aelin didn't particularly care. Whatever they thought they knew about her, they probably didn't.

When they finally reach Rowan's office, they find him slumped over a laptop at a desk piled high with neatly stacked papers. The room is minimalistic. Only necessary office items were visible—no personal effects, knickknacks, or pictures of any kind adorning the space.

Rowan himself is also in his usual state of neatness, minus the dirt she could see staining the underside of his nails. He must have been gardening this morning.

Aelin doesn't bother with greetings. She grabs a chair opposite him and sits down. The last few days, she'd been feeling more drained and quick to tire. At first, she attributed it to the baby getting larger and demanding more of her body's resources, but now Aelin started to think that she caught a bug galavanting through the night.

Fenrys set a blueberry donut and a cup of hot tea in front of her. Bless him. Aelin mumbles her thanks before stuffing her mouth.

Rowan shuts his laptop with a snap and replaces it with a yellow notepad. "Alright, Aelin. I need a name. Who do you think is doing this?"

"When is Aedion getting released?" She says around a mouthful of glazed blueberry.

Fenrys slumps into an office chair at a tinier desk in the corner of the room. "This afternoon."

"If all goes well at this meeting," Rowan tacks on the thinly veiled warning. "I need a name."

Aelin leans back in her seat and takes a deep breath. There was a strange heaviness in giving his name. As if speaking it would materialize him into existence in front of her. Her goal when she moved to Ornyth was to forget about him and push her old master as far from her mind as she physically could, but she supposed it was naive to think he wouldn't come looking for her.

This wasn't just for her, Aelin reminds herself. Aedion would benefit from this conversation.

"His name is Arobynn Hammel. He's thirty-five, red hair, grey eyes, and an utter asshole." Aelin lays the name of her childhood tormentor out on the table. A bad taste sours her mouth.

Rowan tosses the notepad to Fenrys, who relays what she said to the paper. He looks at her over his desk with an unreadable expression. "What is your relation to Mr. Hammel?"

"Why?" Aelin chuckles as if the stress is trying to escape her with each half-hearted chuckle. "Do you want to know if he's my baby daddy?"

"Yes," Rowan and Fenrys say simultaneously.

Aelin's smile falls, and she scowls at both of them. They didn't know better, but she still felt insulted.

"He isn't, but I suppose he probably would have liked to be. Make sure to underline that," she points at Fenry's pad of paper. "Arobynn raised me. I don't think he was legally a foster parent, but he is who I was given to in the shuffle after the occupation."

Rowan dips his chin. Green eyes focus on her intensely, as if he's trying to absorb and commit her every word to memory. "How old were you when they put you in his care?"

"Eight," Aelin breathes out, a sharp tingling of grief comes with that admission. "I lived with him from the time I was eight until I turned nineteen."

"Why do you suspect him of producing and distributing Synth?" Rowan asks the nail-in-the-coffin question, and Aelin has to bite back old instincts to lie and conceal this information. It makes her feel vulnerable to expose Arobynn.

Vulnerability isn't an emotion she handles well. After all, when you bare your neck to someone, it becomes within their power to cut their throat.

"I've seen where he makes it, and I oversaw some of his high-risk contracts and dealings with the distribution," Fenrys chokes beside her, but he smothers it with a cough. Even Rowan looks a little taken back, eyes narrowing.

"At what age did you start assisting with his-" he struggles to find the words. "-His business practices."

Aelin blinks, "Eight."

This time, neither of them covers their reactions. They both freeze in their seats, an air of disbelief hanging over them. Aelin feels a chill and tugs at the hem of her shirt, wishing the sleeves were longer.

"What?" Rowan is the first to break the tension.

"I was displaced in the occupation," Aelin begins the watered-down version of her sob story. "I was carted into Adarlan and placed in the care of Arobynn Hammel. Within a couple of months, he was already using me as a mule to get orders across Rifthold. He trained me in various skills to carry out larger jobs, along with a few other children."

"There were others?" Rowan looks saddened by that tidbit.

Mentally Aelin wants to laugh.

Of course, he would be upset at the prospect of other good children suffering from such a fate.`Ones who had the potential he thought she lacked.

If only he knew what bastards they all grew up to be, and she by far was not the worst of them.

Fenrys' eyes were gleaming with more pity than Aelin was comfortable with because, unlike Rowan, she knew it was directed towards her. Gratefully he didn't dig too deeply. Instead, Fenrys picked up the next question. "Can you name the others?"

Aelin bites her lip, leg fidgeting under the table. "Tern Fletcher, Archer Flynn, Adam Mulligan, Lysandra Ennar-" she swallows past the lump in her throat. "Samuel Cortland and myself."

"Lysandra was involved?" Rowan leans back in his chair and crosses his arms. He hasn't looked away, barely blinked, since the questioning began. Aelin feels naked as his eyes seemed to be raking in her every movement.

"Not-" she tries to think of how to phrase it in a way that respects her friend's privacy. "She wasn't involved in the same capacity I was."

"Are the others you know still working with Hammel?" Rowan asks, and Aelin gladly lets them move the conversation away from Lys. She wasn't comfortable digging into her friend's wounds when she wasn't around.

"I suspect Mulligan, Flynn, and Fletcher. They were extremely loyal, and as of the last time I saw them, very active in the business." Aelin fondly remembers the beat down she laid on Archer before their parting words. He sold them out, and she hopes for his sake that they never run into each other again.

Fenrys looks up, "What about Samuel?"

"What?" Aelin flinches, the question taking her back.

"Samuel Cortland," Rowan reiterates. "You named him as one of the employees in Hammel's custody but implied he's no longer active in the business. Where is he then?" He leans forward, and Aelin wishes she could shrink back. "Would he be willing to speak with us?"

"Children." Her voice comes out as gruffer than she intends. "We were kids. Not employees. It wasn't a mutual agreement. None of us could consent to what became of us."

Aelin is surprised by the emotion that makes itself known. She swallows back the tears that want to fall and stuffs her trembling hands under her thighs. The implication any of them had a choice in serving Arobynn was disturbing and utterly wrong.

The taste of skin between her teeth, blood crusting under her nails, and being surrounded in pitch-black darkness consume her. Aelin suddenly feels more ill than she had this morning.

"Of course, Aelin." Fenrys placates. "That's understood. We just need to know where Samuel is. He could be very useful to the investigation."

"Dead," Aelin throws the word out like a dying fish on the table. "He died."

It hurt to say that. Tears burned in the corners of her eyes. Sam dying was worse than talking about Arobynn. A million times worse.

Aelin tries to swallow the lead rock in her throat. Arobynn didn't deserve to be known. His legacy was of blood, abuse, and control. It belonged in the sewer alongside his corpse.

Sam, on the other hand, deserved to be known. He abandoned by the system, forgotten by his family, and still chose kindness above all else. Sam's story deserved to be told, and it killed Aelin that it hurt her so much to share it.

"How did he die?" Fenrys prods delicately.

"What?" Aelin asks dumbly, heart accelerating in her chest.

"How did Samuel die? Any details you can give are beneficial. and you agreed to cooperate." Rowan reminds her sternly.

Mala save her, she couldn't go into detail about how she found him. She couldn't. Aelin feels blood rushing up to her head, and the room seems to sway.

"Sam. He liked to be called Sam-" Is all Aelin manages to choke out. "Excuse me."

Pushing herself from the desk, she shakily bolts for the office door. Their complaints are silenced as the glass shuts behind her. Outside, Aelin can feel the trembling beginning in her hands and spreading up her arms.

Sweat beads on her forehead in the oppressive heat of the building, but when she rubs her face, it feels damp and cold to the touch.

Aelin frantically strides down the hall, eyes darting around madly for a bathroom door. Nausea was creeping up her throat, and she really didn't want to throw up in someone's trashcan. She knew she was moving quickly, that someone might see her and become alarmed, but anxiety made everything feel like it was moving in slow motion.

A dainty hand grips her elbow and tugs in gently. "Follow me, dear. I can help you."

Aelin's head is swimming, and she allows the calming voice to steer her back in the other direction. When the person pushes open the bathroom door and Aelin sees the navy blue stalls, she rips her arm away and falls to her knees before the porcelain bowl.

Long, slender fingers pull her hair back from her face and rub her shoulders as Aelin loses her breakfast. "You are okay," the voice consoles—a hand massages up her spine and soothes the aches there.

Aelin's whole body is shuddering now. Her stomach rolls over itself, and the muscles of her diaphragm are quaking with exertion. She doubts she could get to her feet if she tried. A strand of drool hangs from her lips, and Aelin would be humiliated if her head wasn't still reeling.

Gouged eyes. Bent fingers. Blood on her lips.

A wad of paper towels appears and dabs at her cheeks, which Aelin hadn't even realized were wet with tears. She failed to notice that her body was shuddering under the intensity of the sobs coming from her. The woman continues to pat her cheeks and nose. Then to her mortification, it swipes at the spit hanging from her mouth.

Mala end me now, she mentally pleads.

Aelin looks up to find a woman with raven hair and onyx eyes looking at her sympathetically. "I'm sorry, dear. I don't mean to overstep. I've been where you are before. Please don't be embarrassed."

Opening her mouth, Aelin makes to apologize, but another crackling sob breaks from her chest instead.

She's just tired. Tired of being sad. Tired of feeling sick. Tired of being unable to even say his name without breaking down.

Arms wrap around Aelin's shoulders and tug her into an embrace. She allows her face to burrow into the woman's blazer as the grief racks through her body.

"Oh, sweety. It's going to be alright. I promise whatever is going on right now will work out." Fingers rake through Aelin's hair soothingly. It turns her to jello in the woman's arms. Her presence was just so motherly in a way that Aelin sorely misses.

She holds Aelin tight until she's calm enough to hold a plastic cup of water without dropping it. The woman helps her stand and wipes the mascara smudges off her cheeks with a damp towel. "There you go," she tosses the towel in the trash when she deems Aelin presentable. "Brand new, again."

"Thank you," Aelin breathes out at last. "I don't even know what to say."

"Say nothing," the woman waves her hand. "I've been pregnant before. Hormones. Nausea. It isn't an easy ride, dear. Besides, no one comes to a police station for a good reason." The woman pulls a stick of gum from a purse sitting on the sink and offers it to her. Aelin accepts it gratefully.

"Has anyone told you that stress isn't good for you?" Her kind eyes bore into Aelin worriedly. "You look very pale."

"I've been told. Many times." Aelin rubs her forehead, an ache already forming there. "I just don't have much of a choice."

"What's your name? I'm Maeve." She smiles and extends a hand for Aelin to shake.

Aelin takes the hand, happy that they aren't trembling so badly. "Aelin."

"Do you have any name ideas for the baby?" Maeve's eyes glance down towards the slight swell of her belly a little wistfully.

Names? Aelin periodically forgot that the human growing inside of her would pop into the world and require such a thing. It was a far-off event where she had plenty of time to accommodate for things in her head. In reality, she was halfway through her fourth month.

Time was ticking.

"No. I don't have any ideas yet." Aelin admits.

Maeve pats Aelin's shoulder kindly. "That's just fine. Ignore my curiosity. You have plenty of time if-" she emphasizes, "you take better care of yourself."

There is a knock on the door. "Aelin, are you alright?"

Rowan.

"Yes. I'll be back in a minute," Aelin says through the door.

She waits until his footsteps echo back down the hallway before she makes towards the exit. Eager to leave the bathroom and the memories of her awkward breakdown with it. "Thanks again. Really. I appreciate it."

Aelin truly meant it despite the utter humiliation she felt.

"Let me walk you back to Rowan's office?" Maeve asked. "It's easy to get turned around in this building."

They walked in a comfortable silence back to the office. Maeve's demeanor is so tranquil it surprises Aelin when the demure woman pushes the door open without knocking. "I have a delivery for you boys."

"Chief?" Rowan stands up, confused.

What? Aelin blinks and turns back to the woman, noting the black and whites and the metal badge on the breast of her blazer. The same blazer Aelin had just cried on.

Blood rushed to her face, and her brain curdles in her skull. Of course, it was the law of Orynth whose arms she just broke down in. Adarlan's Assassin reduced to a ball of hormones clinging to the chief detective of Terrasen like a baby clinging to its mother.

"Has she caused trouble?" Rowan's eyes glint with steel.

If you've done anything to degrade me to my boss, the deal is off.

"Not at all. We ran into each other in the bathroom and had a lovely chat," Maeve brushes an invisible piece of dust from Aelin's shoulder. "I will let the three of you get back to business. You are in excellent company."

Aelin's lip quirks. Just the opposite. She loves me. Congratulations, you are already reaping the benefits of my presence.

"Oh, and Fenrys?" Aelin looks at Fenrys, who is actively ignoring them. "The reports you promised are late. Have them to my desk by the end of the day, please."

"Will do, Chief." Fenrys' reply is dry and lacks his usual pep.

Aelin notes the worried glance Rowan throws him, but he swiftly covers it with an expressionless mask. "I will make sure he gets it done."

What was that? Aelin tries to pry an answer from Rowan, but he avoids her look.

When Maeve leaves, the tension eases from the men's shoulders.

"You are trouble," Rowan tosses at her without venom.

Aelin picks up the cup of tea she left at his desk, glad it's still warm. "Yes, but only the best kind."

"We haven't laid out a single plan for weaseling out Arobynn," Fenrys makes an irritated face at them. "If either of you could focus for ten minutes, we can do the rest of the questioning later, but we need to start throwing out ideas."

"Did Rowan piss in your tea in the last ten minutes I was gone?" Aelin shoots back, not appreciating his sudden attitude.

"Thirty," Rowan says. "You were gone for thirty minutes. That's why I came looking for you. Also, ruining beverages is your thing, not mine."

Damn, had she been gone that long? A glance at the clock confirms he was correct.

When she turns back to Rowan, there is almost something like worry in his eyes? That couldn't be right, Aelin rubs that aching side of her head again. She needed to stop reading so deeply into things.

"We can continue with questioning later," Rowan announces. "Fenrys is correct in saying we need to start making plans. You've given us enough to work with for now."

They sat back in their chairs, pulled out more notepads, red pens, and sticky notes. Together, Aelin helped them form a list of potential places Arobynn would be laying low. Hotels, rental homes, and vacant manors. He had a taste for luxury Aelin knew he wouldn't sacrifice for anonymity.

Test results were still running on the Synth. Technicians had let them know it showed highly abnormal properties compared to average street drugs, and they promised to send them an extensive report when they were through.

Rowan had hushed any potential news stories about The Stag shooting. He didn't want anyone who may know Celaena to catch wind and start snooping around. Aelin was his best lead, which afforded her a certain level of discretion he acknowledged.

They didn't know about the Bane patrolling her block at night, keeping their eyes on the streets for unusual activity.

The clock ticked, and the light beaming through the winders grew warmer as the afternoon trickled away. It was nearly five o'clock when Rowan declared then done for the day, and Aelin was utterly exhausted.

"Come on," Fenrys offered her a hand to help her stand. "I can drive you by the prison. Aedion should be getting checked out as we speak."

"Thank you," Aelin accepts the help. Her feet ached, and she felt entirely drained. It was good Fenrys was offering a ride, or she'd have to call Dorian to come and get her.

Together, the three of them made their way to the parking lot. Conversation between them was sparse but not unpleasant. They'd fallen into a rhythm at some point while working together. It helped break up some of the awkwardness between her and Rowan.

Aelin hustled a little bit when she spotted Fenry's luxury car. She wanted to claim the front seat before Rowan did. Her gut couldn't handle the stress of riding the back.

Her fingers barely grazed the polished handle when Fenrys started yelling.

Arms wrapped around her waist, and Aelin's face throbbed as it found itself slammed into the asphalt. A loud explosion rattled her ears, and chunks of debris went flying through the air. A thick foggy smoke started filling the air, and she immediately started choking on it.

A dense weight lifts off her back, and hands grab her shoulders, rolling her body to face the clouded sky instead of the ground. Rowan is in her personal space immediately. He's speaking to her, but no sound is penetrating the ringing in her ears.

His hands are running along her arms, the side of her face, checking for injury. Aelin tries to ask him if he's alright, but he doesn't seem able to hear her either.

Suddenly, Fenrys is there, and he's grabbing them both by the arms. They are moving away at a sprint. Fenrys is yelling, but the smoke is stinging her eyes, and even seeing is becoming hard.

There is another explosion, and Aelin can feel the tremors beneath the soles of her shoes as the three of them hit the ground once more.

People are pouring out of the precinct. Aelin spies Cheif Maeve at the front of them, ordering people out of the building. Red and blue lights reflect off the smoke, and she knows that ambulances must be on their way.

Rowan is lying beside her. She hadn't noticed the rips in the back of his suit jacket at first, but there were long gouges in the material, and smoke wafted off a couple of scorch marks. The fact he'd thrown himself over her body and shielded her from the explosion was only starting to register when something warm squeezed her hand.

Are you okay? Green eyes were scouring her body for wounds.

I'm fine, Aelin assures him. She's more concerned about the spots on the back of his suit growing wet as he bled.

"Someone blew up my car," Fenrys is gaping at the spot where his vintage ride used to be. All that remained was a roughed-up frame that was lit ablaze like a campfire.

"Gods," Aelin breathed out, the ringing in her ears dying down. "I almost died."

Rowan hadn't let go of her hand and made no move to do so as his eyes fixed on the burning car. "That was meant for us."

He didn't have to elaborate for Aelin to understand. Whoever had placed the bomb hadn't been targeting her, but Rowan and Fenrys. They arrived and left work together. The bomb wasn't there when they got to the precinct this morning, so someone must have placed it while they were inside.

"What have we gotten ourselves into?" Fenrys runs a dirty hand through his hair.

Sirens wailed as paramedics filed into the parking lot. Other detectives and officers were starting to approach them. Firefighters approached the car with extinguishers and began to tame the burning fire.

Aelin didn't have an answer. Just the sinking feeling that the game they'd entered into had more players than she'd thought.

Here is part one of the mass updates! Thank you SO much for reading. I’ve gotten so much feedback and love on this fic it’s been so wonderful 💚

I do have an ✨IMPORTANT QUESTION✨

Would you all prefer I have tag lists specific to certain fics or an overall tag list for ships? So one tag list for all of my rowaelin fics, one for all my quinlar fics, or would you like me to keep it as I have been? Please let me know! ✨

Tag list- Let me know if you would like to be added or removed. :D ( names in bold won’t tag)

@thisismylibrary​

@highladywhitethrone​

@bee55​

@royalsqueeze​

@rowaelin-cressworth​

@booknerdproblems​

@sjmships​

@ladyfireheart-and-buzzard​

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@live-the-fangirl-life

@ghostlyrose2

[simonalkenmayer]

Hello Simon, I hope you are doing well. I wanted to ask you something since I consider you the most wisest and experienced person, and probably you already felt this way and did something productive about it. You have lived a very long time so maybe you know how to deal with those feelings. I'm 30, I'm trans, I have a good life (better than most like me at least), I have people who loves me, I have good health, I have 2 friends and a girlfriend, I have a future. And yet... I still feel like I'm desperate for finding a reason to kill myself. I think I'm not loving enough to the ones that loves me, I know I'm not good enough to actually be a good person, I'm tired of pretending I'm a good person, I'm not. I feel trapped, angry, I wish I could just give me a moment to explode, but I can't, whenever I let my true feelings out even just a little, I destroy too much, I hurt too much. I tried antidepressants, sleep all day, being complacent... nothing works. I love my family, my gf and friends... but everytime I just want to say goodbye and... die I guess, idk, I don't want to die, I wish I could just take out all my feelings and thoughts and connect intensely with whatever pure energy out there. It's been years since I don't enjoy anything authentically. I think I'm just grumpy, angry and just a toxic person in general. I care, I really do care about my fam,gf and friends but why I can't just be the perfect person they deserve? Sorry for bothering with all of this, I thought that maybe you felt like this at some point... and I know you discipline yourself to be kind and good so you might know more about this, when you just feel like you don't want to be good and just want to destroy everything for whatever reason. What you do, Simon, what you do to keep going? To have honest good feelings? I wish I could be as collected and patient as you, I wish I could have your strength, but I'm just a human and I wish to learn how to be more human from you. If you can, you don't have to if you don't want of course, but could you share some tips of how to overcome those feelings and keep going?(Sorry if my English is weird, it's not my first language, hope you still can understand)

Let me first say, I am not wise, unless it be to know that I know not much at all and am always learning. I am not a therapist. I speak only as an objective observer and as a friend, if you choose to call me that.

My friend, it sounds to me as if your mental health isn’t actually being managed effectively. It may be time to seek out other help or new medicines. Your problem may not yet even be accurately identified. I know that when the machine is not functioning correctly, however, it can be difficult to use it to analyze, so allow me to give you some rational things to hold onto.

If you were a “bad person”, you wouldn’t care what happens to anyone. You’d just be that person, without apology. When you say you want to let go and just be “bad” what I hear you saying is that you have feelings and stressors you don’t know how to express constructively. And that’s alright. That’s normal. We all have that. Even me. For you it may be even more complicated, and that is why you need to trust that logic and seek the right help.

Bad and good are not real. But destruction and construction are. I have done many destructive things in my own miseries, before I realized this. It took me a long time to recognize that when I did these things I never felt an better and nothing ever actually changed for the better. And so now, even when I am feeling huge things I cannot articulate, I try to do something constructive with them. That’s a phrase we hear often these days, but understand me when I say, I do not mean “productive” as in “be of use or you’re without purpose”. I mean what will help you grow? What is that thing? You can draw boundaries, and tell people that you need space. You can say you need a moment to cope. You can spend time researching and looking not just for coping mechanisms, but for things to learn about yourself. Turn fear and worry into actions, and let those actions build something, however big or small—a relationship, an understanding, an identity.

The truth of the matter is, death comes fast enough. You do not need to speed it up. You are here for now, and you have this time, not merely to exist and suffer at the hands of the universe, but to determine how you see things, how you think. You have a right to be who you are, and maybe that person needs to do things differently. When you are dead, you end as you were. There’s no peace, because you cease to be. You don’t get to look back and say “thank god it’s over”.

You need help, and that’s alright! That’s normal. I encourage you to seek it out wherever it lives. Don’t let people tell you who to be. Be who you are and teach that person to always learn and grow and construct who they are. The rest of the world be damned. Their ideas do not define you. And if they aren’t helping you, then don’t waste time on them.

[brasskier]

@badthingshappenbingo​ trope #4!

Trope: Concussion

Summary: Jaskier feels like a detective, albeit a clumsy, scrambled-eggs-for-brains kinda detective. He has two mysteries on his plate at the moment - why is Geralt in a bad mood, and why won't his brain cooperate? (Hint: perhaps it has something to do with hitting his head that morning.)

Read on my ao3 or below the cut:

Jaskier probably should've told Geralt when he slipped and smashed his head into a rock on the riverbank coming back up from his morning bath, or should've at least known it was bad when bright worms of light started squiggling in his peripheral and words suddenly got a lot harder to string together. And maybe he would've, if he wasn't so intent on figuring out why Geralt was in such a piss-poor mood that morning. He felt like a detective - albeit a clumsy, scrambled-eggs-for-brains kinda detective - stringing together clues and occasionally nudging the witcher along with leading questions, at least when he could get his brain, lips, and tongue to all cooperate. 

Unfortunately, Jaskier was doing about as well at solving the mystery of Geralt the extra-grumpy witcher as he was figuring out what was going on in his own skull. It'd happened once when he was a boy, falling out of a twisty, too-tall tree. His father, may he rest in peace, didn't notice until Jaskier, uncharacteristically silent, stared vacantly past him— until that point he'd been more preoccupied scolding him for ruining yet another fine pair of trousers. (His parents paid good money for those things, but he was pretty sure maybe they should've learned by that point and stopped dressing him up in finery before releasing him into the world.) 

Speaking of, he could use a new pair of pants. Maybe once they made it to the next town he could find a seamstress, maybe even invest in a nice new doublet as well. Geralt always pretended he found such purchases frivolous and vain, all huffy and monosyllabic, but Jaskier knew full well it put him in a good mood to have something to tease Jaskier for.

Good mood. Right. He was supposed to be figuring out why he was in a decidedly not good mood. He was supposed to… well, he really didn't know past that. His thoughts flitted about his head like a chicken desperate to escape its coop, and this thought made him giggle to himself, picturing his squishy brain with a beak and feathers squawking about.

"Jaskier?" He glanced up at the witcher that had reclaimed his attention, finding it distinctly difficult to track his movements as he bobbed along on his horse. "Did you listen to a thing I said?" Well, that was a silly question, Jaskier thought, because in order for him to listen, Geralt would've had to have said something. His mind trapped like a stuck cog on how to put this minor incongruence into words, and the witcher glared at him in the space of his tenuous silence. 

"How could I?" He asked finally, head tilted to parallel the uncertainty etched in his tone.

"With your ears," Geralt deadpanned, and Jaskier grimaced under the frustration of his misunderstanding.

"No, that's not— I meant— you didn't—" he attempted to elaborate, but once again found his brain, flighty as a hummingbird, refused to put thoughts to language. Geralt slowed Roach to a halt, and only then did Jaskier realize he'd at some point stopped walking. He wasn't too sure when that happened, but he was sure he had to start again, because Geralt was already in a bad mood and the uneasy threat of abandonment always loomed thick. 

This, in hindsight, might've been a mistake. The trees spun, ground tilting ominously like a ship caught in a storm, and Jaskier staggered with the rhythm of it. This, finally, mercifully, seemed to tip off Geralt and his fancy-schmancy witcher senses that something wasn't right. 

"Jaskier?" He called, and he still sounded decidedly disgruntled. This wasn't good; Jaskier was supposed to be getting him in a better mood, not making things worse. He'd even been quiet for a change (moreso due to his tongue's uncooperativeness than any conscious choice on his part, not that Geralt needed to know this detail). 

The witcher swung a leg off the saddle, dismounted with the grace of a cat. (Which was funny; wasn't Geralt supposed to be a wolf? Didn't Geralt's brother know a cat witcher? Maybe cat witchers were even more graceful, like ballerinas; Geralt would never do ballet.) This thought would've also made Jaskier giggle, but he was hesitant to unclamp his jaw at the moment, fearful that more than words might spill past it.

"Jaskier?" It was more urgent this time, which Jaskier vaguely recognized was not good, but couldn't quite recall why. When he managed to force his eyes to focus for a split second, Geralt was in front of him, before the forest swelled again and swallowed him with it. He pressed a hand over his eyes, in the vain hope blindness might put an end to the spinning; he had no such luck, and found himself drifting even in the darkness. 

"Mmm?" He hummed, which was usually Geralt's line, but he was determined to keep up the tight-lipped defiance of his own body. He felt a hand scrape his forehead, shifting his carefully mussed hair, and then move down to cup his chin between two fingers. It was a gruff, economic movement; Jaskier, in his self-imposed darkness, pretended it was tender.

"What's wrong with you?" Even Geralt's voice seemed to be swimming, tilting forward and back with each strangely distorted syllable. What isn't, Jaskier wanted to joke in return, snicker a little at Geralt's frustration. But he couldn't, at least not without giving into opening his mouth, and besides, Geralt was already in a bad mood. Instead, he shrugged, a turn of phrase about tables that turned flitting through his thoughts, and he surely felt like he was on a turning table, not that any tables Jaskier had ever seen were exactly known for turning. 

"Is it your throat?" It was a reasonable line of thought for Geralt to stroll down, to be fair, considering the whole thing with the djinn. Gods, how he wished he had a djinn right now, less-than-stellar experience aside. If he had one, there'd be none of that bloody Valdo Marx bullshit; no, instead the forest wouldn't spin anymore, his brain and tongue would cooperate, and Geralt would be in a good mood. 

Jaskier really was doing a shit job of uplifting Geralt's spirits, wasn't he? At the very least, he'd managed to tease out the source of his foul temper; at present, it was Jaskier himself. He risked a peek out into the world again, found concerned amber eyes tucked under a tight scowl tilting like a leaf in the wind, and promptly squeezed them shut again. Oh, yeah. Geralt had asked him a question— what was it? Ah, it was gone now, too late. He shook his head, hoping he was actually answering. This was a mistake, because it sent stars erupting in the darkness and an unbidden groan worming its way past his lips. 

"What, Jaskier?" Geralt sounded even more exasperated, if such a thing were possible, and Jaskier flung a hand up to press over his mouth, as if that might help whatsoever; it didn't. 

"No— fuck, I'm—" In one clumsy motion he managed to tear himself back and away from Geralt, jerk to the side, and stumble over his own two feet and onto his knees just in time to escape vomiting on Geralt's boots. That was good; vomit on his boots would've really pissed him off. The weathered hand that had earlier cupped his chin (Jaskier could still feel the ghost of it on his skin) came to sit heavy between his shoulder blades. This touch not even Jaskier could make feel gentle.

"Okay," Geralt hummed, somewhere to his side. "Alright, okay." Was this Geralt's attempt at being soothing? How Jaskier wished he could tell him he appreciated it; maybe later, when his stomach wasn't still bucking uncooperatively like a spooked horse. This was funny, too; Roach in his stomach, kicking and snorting, but Jaskier was beginning to get tired of silly tangents.

Come to think of it, Jaskier was just tired, his limbs suddenly heavy, pounding in his skull coming into sharp focus. The hand migrated up to his collar, no doubt to tug him back upright, but he wrenched free and let himself drop to the dirt before Geralt had the chance. A nap sounded absolutely divine at the moment, and he was beginning to think he couldn't care less whether the witcher stuck around to wait it out or not. (This last detail was, patently, an absolute lie, and Jaskier knew it full well even as the thought first pattered into his consciousnesses.)

Geralt rolled him over, flipped him on his side, and this was both a small mercy (he hadn't been abandoned) and a horrendous blight (the sun glaring directly into his eyes, even as he pressed a clumsy hand to cover them again.) Another callused hand swiped across his forehead, his cheek, made its way down his neck and pried back his doublet. Jaskier wasn't sure what Geralt was looking for, and he also didn't particularly think he'd find it, whatever it was. 

"There's no fever," Geralt announced, as if this were some grand discovery, a breakthrough in medical sciences. "Something you ate?" Ah, so now Geralt was playing detective, and Jaskier had all but given up on his case; another reversal of roles. Well, maybe at the very least Jaskier could give him better clues, or at least try.

"Head," he groaned, rolling back onto his side, cool dirt not unpleasant against his skin. This time, no hands tugged at him, but instead Geralt gave a soft hum, barely distinguishable from the ringing in his ears. "Hurts," he tacked on because, while it might've been implied, with Geralt it never hurt to be explicit. 

"Now we're getting somewhere." That thrice-damned hand returned again, worked its way through his hair, dragging along every bump and curve until he scuffed against a half-healed scab and a sharp pain ricocheted through Jaskier's skull. He recoiled, writhing for a moment before curling even tighter into himself. "When did you hit your head?" That was a good question, because Jaskier wasn't all too sure anymore if he even had.

"Dunno," he mumbled. Now if only Geralt could put a pause to the interrogation so he might be afforded the small mercy of dying in peace. “River?”

"Helpful." Footsteps, echoing through the dirt and drilling through his head with each heavy footfall, further and further and further away until he could only feel, not hear, them. This was fine. Not the end he felt truly befit a heroic bard of his renown, but humble enough to satisfy him nonetheless. Just him and the trees as he returned to the earth from whence he was borne. 

Then those blasted footsteps returned, those hands hoisted him, and he was face-first on the scratchy wool of his bedroll. He nuzzled against it, like a cat (he really needed to ask Geralt for the name of that cat witcher his brother knew). 

"You have a concussion." A light flickered to life somewhere in his brain at this revelation. One of his grand mysteries, finally come to its disappointingly anticlimactic conclusion. He still didn't know why Geralt had been in such a piss-poor mood, but he decided that was a puzzle for another time, letting his breath even out with impending sleep.

"Jaskier, I need to know you understand me, okay?" As soft as his words were, Jaskier couldn't help but find it incredibly rude of him to interrupt his much-needed and well-deserved rest. If he kept pushing it, Jaskier thought, perhaps Geralt would be having to solve the mystery of why he was grumpy.

"Mmm, okay." This earned him another pat on the shoulder, as gentle a touch as anything Jaskier could ever hope for. 

"I'll need to wake you periodically to make sure you don't lose what little wit you have," Geralt informed him, "but you can rest now." He felt like a sinking ship, overcome with warmth. Loose-limbed and giddy, he jutted out a clumsy hand and flailed blindly until it flopped against Geralt's arm, and he latched on. "Just tell me next time you hit your head."

"Thank you," he managed to get out on the tail end of a breath, slurred with exhaustion, disappointed when the witcher carefully extracted his wrist from his grip. A blanket settled on top of him, and he fumbled to tug it closer. 

"Just sleep." Needing no convincing, Jaskier did as he was told. And in his dreams, Geralt was in a good mood, and he could still feel the ghost of his hand on that patch of skin on his chin. 

[thecipherlegacy]

Okay, I realize there's nothing in Noiren's tag so maybe you don't play him very much, but I'm a sucker for a SW so hurt-comfort prompt #1- Person A is feeling down and Person B does not like to see them this way, so they start to bring them food, a nice cup of tea and their favourite blanket.- wherein A is Noiren, maybe after a nice lightning session with Baras, and B is a dubiously-worried Vette, possibly doing a terrible job of this comfort thing?

So these are taking me forever and I am so sorry about that x.x my college work takes up so much of my time.

So in the story I've written for him and his siblings, Noiren actually doesn't have Vette(or any of the swtor companions) on his ship. BUT I love Vette and love writing my OCs in all sorts of situations and AUs!

I apologize if this is terrible btw, I have been so tired lately from school, but here's a little Noiren based drabble! Enjoy!

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Everyone was confused. Noiren had always been stoic and quiet, but today was different. He was fumbling and muttering and trying to hide away from anyone that wanted to talk to him. Something was wrong. 

Vette knew that it had to do with the sith's recent visit with his master. Baras was a monster, but honestly what does one do to cheer up a sith lord? 

The small twi'lek managed to get her hands on a nice Alderaanian meal on their last trip and was quick to grab it with a nod to assure herself that this should do this trick. Once that was in hand she made her way to his quarters "Hey, ya busy? Or can I barge in?" She asked, though they both knew, no matter his answer, she was going to come in.

Noiren was sitting slumped over on his bed. He looked a little worse for wear. She frowned. Baras had always been tough on the male twi'lek, but he had never hurt him before. "I brought you some food. Knowing how you are, you probably haven't eaten." She continued to speak and sat beside him.

His yellow eyes glanced at her, then went back to the floor. It was hard to tell if he was seething, sad, or just plain frustrated. "Hello? Anybody in there? What happened?" She pressed. 

He rolled his eyes and turned his head to look at her. He had burns all along his ruby skin, littering the right side of his face and lekku. "I don't want to talk about it." He muttered. She tried to hide her offensive gasp, but failed. 

"That looks… yikes-" was all she managed to get out. He glared and turned away again. "I'm sure we can make sure it doesn't scar! But maybe you should eat first, huh?" 

"Not hungry." He replied. She frowned again.

"Come on! Where's the sith i know and fear! You're never like this" Vette tried again. He tensed a little. 

"You fear me? Even after I've done all I can to free you? You're not my prisoner or slave" he sighed "Honestly I would rather be in your position than my own…" he muttered. 

The woman almost felt bad for saying what she did, but it was true. She was still a little afraid of him, especially after watching him kill people ruthlessly. But seeing him now, he looked as fearful and tired as she had been when they first slapped a slave collar on her neck. "I thought you wanted to be sith" was all she could think of to say. 

"No." He frowned "I wanted to grow up on Ryloth with my sister and brothers. I never wanted to be sith. And now I'm tied down by a master and an oath. I have never feared for my life more than I did in that room. He threatened my life because I didn't agree with him right away." Noirens golden eyes narrowed. "I was taken away from my family so long ago by imperials and one day I plan to break free of this. Even if I have to kill baras and one thousand imperial soldiers. I'll do it."

Vettes eyes widened as he opened up to her. They were more alike than she had initially guessed. His slave collar was just a fancy title, and the shocks were just as painful. "Wow…" she mumbled. She had no idea what to say. 

"Wow?" He scoffed. "Vette, why did you come in here besides to try and force me to eat a meal that's not even warmed up"

She looked at the plate and her cheeks deepened in colour slightly. "I dunno I just, saw you were all droopy and wanted to help. And don't knock it till you try it. This stuff is great cold!"

Noirens eyes rolled yet again. "Then you eat it." He insisted and suppressed a snicker as her eyes shifted left to right.

"Nah I'm good" came her reply as she moved the food away "I'll get toovee to warm it up for you later." Once the plate was gone she got more comfortable, crossing her legs and looking at her partner expectantly. "Sooooo, sister? Brothers? Gonna share?"

His brow arched and he realized she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. Though this was working as a distraction, so she was succeeding a little in her attempts to cheer him up. "I have no choice do I?" He asked. To this she just scooted closer. He sighed and got as comfortable as he could with his new wounds. "Yes I have three siblings." He started "a twin sister-"

"You have a twin?!" She gasped and interrupted immediately. "Is she all sithy too?" 

He scoffed "No. She was separated from us and sold off as a slave. They told me she made them a lot of credits to fuel my hatred." His fists balled angrily. "She was a little pink twi'lek. Skin lighter than mine, and eyes brighter. She had our mothers eyes." He was surprised to see vette actually listening, so continued. "Shes strong, so I'm sure she wasn't a slave for long. But I hope to find her someday." 

"What about your brothers?" Vette asked. "Do you know where they are?"

"Yes, more or less" he shrugged. "Only slightly younger than me, Aidesan, is training still on Korriban. Now that I'm a lord I've requested to have him as my apprentice. I want to keep him safe. And the youngest, Orkra… He was imperial military but I heard he was transferred to intelligence. So.. I may never find him with how well they hide their agents." He sighed sadly and looked at his burned hand. He had almost forgotten about his grievances of the day. Talking about his family was always a little bittersweet for him, but it was better than what he was feeling before.

"Thats all really sad.." Vette pouted. "Sorry, sith. I'm not very good at this stuff." She sighed "but uh- I can at least go get Toovee to come patch you up then we can-"

"Thank you" he silenced her with that simple phrase. The blue twi'lek blinked at him for a Moment.

"What?-"

He gave her the smallest of smiles "i'm not repeating myself." He teased. "But I really should get  a kolto pack." 

She was silent, looking a little surprised that just letting him talk, even about something so personal and sad, helped. Then what he said hit her and she hopped up "oh! Yeah! A kolto pack! Let me go get the droid!" Vette replied quickly, but before she rushed out she bravely gave him a gentle hug. "Baras is a jerk, but you're alright, ya know that?" She said softly before finally leaving to grab 2v-R8 to take care of him.

Noiren felt oddly at peace now. His master may be harsh and untrustworthy, but his crew was filled with people that would do anything for him, and that put his mind at ease and made him feel better about where he was. No matter what Baras had in store for him, he'd at least have good people behind him.