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nightmaretyrantvantas · 5 years

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Sleepless nights and a shift in character developments- A homestuck au strider story

I wrote this during a bout of insomnia(partially caused by excitement) and I couldnt stop thinking about it

@turing-tested This comes from one of the MANY things I babbled about this character, so if you see this you might recognize it.

Im going to post more about this character soon its just alot to compile for one post-at least 5 years worth or development and passion so bear with me please

Note before reading : This is in the best put terms, an au epilogue i made before homestuck even finished, and the only thing accurate to any current epilogues is the canon kids ages.

This is long and gets a bit dark and emotional and angsty but I promise it has a happier ending. It also glosses over some heavier themes like mentions and brief discussions of nonspecified eating disorders, so if that makes you uncomfortable you can skip this

enjoy

whrrz….whrzz…..whrrzz….

The damn clock ticking was endless. The figure tossed and turned restlessly on the bed, kicking and pulling up the cotton sheets as they ceiling fan lazily spun uncaringly from above. After another bout of struggling for comfort there was a glance at the nearby digital clock

2:45 a.m

“Goddammit……”

With a angry groan the girl fell heavily onto her back and dragged her hands down her face, staring up at the ceiling with exhaustion. This just kept happened to her, ever since she and all her friends and people she gave any shits about crashed here in a new world. No matter what she did she could never get a full nights sleep, plagued by either ruthless insomnia or vicious night terrors. Pick your poison a night. It didnt matter what the 19 year old did really, nothing eased it. And so she stared at the bedroom ceiling and the spinning fan hopelessly before she finally dragged herself up into a sitting position, head hung low. Even with moonlight streaming in blue light things felt too dark. So one tired Dian Strider fumbled her hand around the room and turned on tv on the other side of the room, wincing and squinting as its bright changing light filled her room. She glanced back at the clock and grimaced at the two minutes that had passed. Then she shut her eyes and listened, muting the tv. The apartment was quiet….too quiet…

Her eyes snapped back open, a new look of anxiety crossing her face.

“ Hes not back yet….its Wednesday…hes late…” She shook her head and looked at the wall by her bed, at the pinned up pages of scribbles hanging there contently

WEDNESDAY : RETURNS BY 1 AM

Now she as on her feet and pacing around on fragile boned legs, absently gnawing on the scarred knuckle of her index finger. Her thoughts drifted and tumbled through her sleep deprived brain worriedly, though she wouldnt admit it aloud just yet.

Dirk wasnt home yet. He shouldve been home by now. But hes not….is he?

She stopped and looked at her bedroom door, unlocked and fully capable of opening and revealing the knowledge she wanted to know, all outside her little space.

But could she handle opening it?

With a new look of tired firmness she padded barefoot across the carpet and opened her door as silently as she could. If he WAS back she didnt want to wake him up. And there it is illuminated by the light in her room and the gently dim moonlight from the staircase and hallway window : Dirk’s bedroom door, firmly closed. She took a few light steps and Dia was now in front of it, hand grazing the doorknob as doubts made her pause. Sure, she had been living with him for almost 5 months now, and sure he had been more than welcoming and generous in his…weird stoic and socially avoident tendencies and eccentricities. Dia couldn look passed those, who was a shattered and violently anti social and mistrusting girl to judge the man who gave her and her little brother a roof to sleep under and a home to call their own when he had absolutely no obligation to? The answer was she wasnt anyone to judge him.

Not after he let her take on his last name to ease some of the trauma.

But were they really close enough to give her the right to just….turn the knob and open his door as if she was really family?

‘ Yes. we…we are? God i dont really know…But Hal gave me an ok to do so if I needed to talk or got too anxious…he said Dirk doesnt mind me leaning on him a little…so…this should be fine…to just peek in and see if hes in there…even if hes not asleep…I can just make some excuse about…fuck…anything…’ With a metaphorical slap to the face and a small huff of “ Just do it already dia stop being a pansy its just Dirk” she tightened her grip with more false confidence and turned it, slowly pushing it open just enough to poke her head in…

Just to find it empty.

She blinked and her shoulders slumped in disappointment. He wasnt there, which mean he just…probably wasnt home yet.

So she re shut the door without venturing further and walked over to the stairs that led down to the first floor and front of the apartment and ended up slumped across one of the sturdy steps, glaring at the wall upset and exhausted….so exhausted that her eyes fell without her realizing…letting her drift into an uneasy sleep….

And fell straight into a unrelenting nightmare.

She was forced out of it by the sound of something slamming downstairs followed by a thump she didnt register. Because she was sitting straight up shaking violently and tearing up, fingers digging painfully into her arms as she hugged herself, breathing too fast. She looked around like a cornered animal until she was able to calm down a little, her surroundings settling back into her mind. But that slam…

Dia was on her feet gasping for breath a little as she stumbled down the rest of the stairs and out into the living room, tripping on her own two feet in her panic. She felt so small and alone and alone was the one thing she didnt want to be for a little while–

And all the spinning in her head stopped when she saw him.

He was sprawled out not all that gracefully on the beat up grey couch, one of his arms hanging off as his legs dangled over the arm. His blonde hair, much lighter than hers was a damp mess of spikes from being outside in the misty rain of before dawn that plastered against his forehead and into his uncovered, shut eyes. On his hand against his chest were his sharp shades, a dim and fading red glow slowly going out on them, a clear indicating Hal was asleep. She watched his chest rise and fall rhythmically and deeply, indicating he was already fast asleep. She figured it was from the past couple all nighters he’d pulled, between work his own projects and his nightly outings. Dia watched him sleep for a few moments then quietly walked over to his side, noting the familiar bags of insomnia under his eyes even in the dim lighting Silently she sighed and walked over to another chair in the room and grabbed a two blankets off it, a soft knitted one Dave left here from someone she was had met two times now named Rose and a thicker fabric quilt thing Dirk’s had since before she arrived, mentioned by Hal to have been a apartment warming present from friends named Jane and Roxy. She carried them over to him and with a wobbly stance and some struggling to not wake him or Hal up draped the quilt over his body, making sure it wasnt awkwardly on him.

Then Dia wrapped the knitted blanket around herself and plopped down on the floor next to his side, facing him and watched over him for awhile.

It wasnt anything special or life changing to her at first. She just…her brain was in a dark place and right now, The man before her was a very real and very present and constant reminder of the good in her situation. She was out of that hellscape, she was free.

She was safe and in a better place. Next to him the these early hours of the morning on the living room floor nothing bad from her past could hurt her or reach her. And that was all she needed.

So Dia made herself more comfortable and leaned on the couch in the space next to his chest and side and leaned her head against the quilt covered space until it barely, just barely pressed up against said bodily area as her body curled and folded into a comfortable spot doing so and her tired clementine eyes drowsily watched the movement of his breathing and the distant tick of a far off clock until she didnt even notice herself falling fast asleep at his side, nightmareless for the first time in months.

‘ Dirk…dirk wake up already.’

‘Dirk I know you can still hear me, wake up’

It was irritatingly bright with the morning sun when Dirk finally pried his eyes open, squinting up in pain at the ceiling. God was he fucking regretting passing out on the couch right now. So he quietly unfolded his only small salvation from the light and slid the shades over his orange eyes, blinking the exhaustion from them after with a yawn.

‘ nngh….Hal buddy you on already?’ He got an immediate, if not amused answer that made him practically imagine the body motion and expression that shouldve accompanied it. He couldnt help but smile a little and crack his neck in an attempt to ease the stiffness….god he needed a new damn couch.

‘ Dirk…dirk look down.’ He quirked an eyebrow but didnt even get a chance to ask

Because he moved his hanging arm and brushed against another solid mass that made him look down anyway.

He didnt dare move for a few moments when he saw Dia curled up beside him on the floor, his hand having brushed against the slim girl’s too bony arm. But didnt wake up, only shifted slightly as her head burrowed into his side a bit, looking more relaxed than he’d ever really seen her.

‘ When did she…?’

‘ I am not sure. she was already there asleep when I first started up this morning. I can only assume shes been there since we got home.’ He dragged a hand through his hair as he looked over her and carefully moved his arm so he didnt wake her up.

Dirk decided not to sit up or move from the couch yet either.

‘ She almost looks happy…’

“ Yeah… I know. Too bad she doesnt always look like this…’ There was a silence between them and Dirk sighed through his nose.

‘…im going to make breakfast.’ Was the only thing Dirk finally said before carefully getting up and heading to the kitchen. ‘ Oh? Thats a first for you…you normally skip breakfast.’ Dirk didnt respond right away, scavenging the simple, cluttered kitchen for anything to cook and scrunching his nose a little when he wasnt really finding anything.

‘ Dirk you KNOW there hasnt been any grocery restocking since you started your latest project…’ He groaned and pressed his forehead against the freezer door and stayed quiet for another moment, gears in his head turning and things lining up in his head. Hal didnt try prodding him too much for an answer. He knew the human too well by now, Dirk was working something out in his head. And on top of that he had barely been awake maybe twenty minutes after a total of maybe four or five hours of sleep, doing three all nighters before that. So Hal wasnt quick to call Dirk all to responsive lately.

Maybe he should contact Jane after all to get him into a healthier…well…anything.

“ ….I really didnt want to go outside this early…but if the kid will be asleep for awhile…hmm…”

‘ Hmm what?’ The blonde shook his head a little and rubbing an eye with the palm of his hand as if forcing the drowsiness away.

“ Hey Hal….mind messaging Dave for me and asking when he’s planning to come back home from Karkat’s this week?” ‘…alright Dirk I am, anything else?’ Hal asked, a bit sympathetic at the exhaustion in his voice. He knew Dirk didnt like to bother Dave with too much, especially when the younger strider stayed with them specifically to make sure Dirk took care of himself. He wanted him to live his own damn life without worrying about him, and so didnt ask him when he was coming back or how long he’d stay.

“…yeah. Ask him if its today and if he could possibly grab some groceries on his way home…” There was a silence but Hal told him he would and Dirk’s shoulders slumped when they got the reply that Dave would show up in about a half hour, and asking for a general list or if he should just wing it.

Dirk said to just wing it. He wasnt picky right now.

Dia hadnt woken up by the time Dirk pulled on a decently cleaner shirt and his shoes, though she had shifted somewhat. He was a little relieved, she’d been sleeping worse than him recently and any rest was good rest. Yeah…it was was all he concluded as he slipped outside into the bright sunlight and sat on the stoop step that led into the apartment, absently gazing over the city lost in thought.

“ Yo Dirk.” He glanced down to see Dave coming up the steps in casual clothing, face mostly neutral as he carried up two big bags of food. Dirk saw the slightly furrowed brows and the way his mouth tugged down in concern and heaved a sigh, standing and walking down to take one of the bags.

“ Gotta be quiet when you go in, the kid’s fast asleep in the living room and I kinda want her to stay that way. Where’s Derik?” Dave shrugged as he followed him up.

“ He was video calling Jay when Hal pestered me, so I left him be and came alone.” He got a nod as they walked in, Dave raising an eyebrow seeing Dia on the floor but not voicing the question.

Dirk probably didnt move her so she’d sleep longer. He knew she had issues with being touched.

Though when they entered the kitchen his eyebrows furrowed again.

“ Dirk when was the last time you cleaned the damn apartment? You’ve got shit lying everywhere again it wasnt like this when I was here last.” The older man shrugged as he shoved junky clutter out of the way and replaced it with the bag of food, not exactly wanting to answer. The knight sighed and resisted any urges to smack the other person he considered family. Because goddamn was it hard to resist when he was falling back into bad habits and going back on months of progress being made.

“ You know what? Dont worry about it Dirk. I’ll help you pick up later or something since I’m here. Lets just get all the food put away and make something to eat, because damn am I starved and Im sure she will be too once she actually wakes up.” Dirk mumbled an agreement and started putting things away and setting stuff up to cook…something, anything.

“ So…what is with the sudden desire to make breakfast? Hal and I usually have to force you not to skip it.” Dave wasnt really expecting an answer, To be honest neither was Hal at that point. Dirk was clearly in a more antisocial mood and that was fine really, but the silence was making the shorter blonde…twitchy. Maybe he just wasnt used to it anymore, when he considered half the time he stayed with Karkat further out of the city in a house that was distinctly more…energetic with two teenagers running around living with them. He had thought having Dia here might break him out of that but she could be just as bad as he was honestly, a sometimes too perfect match in their isolation habits.

He was thinking about it so much he almost missed Dirk’s reply, turning towards him blinking.

“ Wait wha–” “ I said I’m not doing it for me…im making food for Dia.” There was a moment of a much more fragile silence and dirk pulled off Hal and set him on the counter, gripping it with both hands as he stared tiredly at the wall and cabinets in front of him, his eyes a bit distant as if he was seeing something else entirely Dave couldnt. He sighed heavily and continued with a low tone that sounded like he was trying to stay neutral, unemotional about it.

“ She doesnt eat enough. Coming from me already is a big deal but, I…Im almost positive she has some sort of eating disorder Dave. One she just wont tell me about. But I see the signs of it all over her. The underweight, the fragility of her whole body, the fatigue, the way she tries to avoid eating as much as possible, the way she hides herself away after meals…but I cant push her either because well fuck. What place do I have to really say anything? I’m not blood related, I’ve only known her about 5 months and ive barely tried to get to know her that much or get close to her but she’s grown on me a little and im worried one of these days her insomnia and her lack of eating are going to do her off right under my nose and there’ll be no one to blame but myself for not looking out for her enough. Like fuck,” His nails scrapped along the counter as his fingers curled in frustration. “ Im a goddamn wreck half the time and she’s almost worse than me and I just…I dont even know. The kid deserves better than that? She probably deserves alot better than staying up at night waiting and worrying when I’m going to get home and falling asleep on the goddamn floor and–maybe…maybe I should’ve had Roxy or Jane take her instead. Or even Jake. Somewhere where’d she’d-she’d get help for her issues, not a place to let them fester.” The air was heavy as he finished, his shoulders slumped in defeat and his head hung as if it had become too much to stay up on its own, eyes screwed close in a frustrated kind of pain. Dave was a little speechless, he knew Dirk felt a little responsible for Dia and part of that mightve been from himself but…He didnt know.

He shouldve known though.

“ Dirk…Jesus Dirk why didnt you mention any of this sooner? If you’ve been so worried you could just tell me and I’d help you.” He moved closer and put a hand on his shoulder, pushing up his shades and leaning over to try to look the older man in the eyes.

“ Dirk cmon dont shut me out now after that damn word vomit of you actually opening up. You are not shutting down on me, hell no. You opened your own floodgates and we’re going to swim through what the fuck you released together and work this out because clearly help is needed right now. If it wasnt you wouldnt have asked me to come back out of nowhere, and we wouldnt be having an emotional brotherly moment in the middle of your shitty kitchen at nine in the goddamn morning with the kid you’re clearly worried about dead asleep on your living room floor. So, lets talk ok?” With another tired sigh Dirk nodded as they kept cooking, neither noticing the thin figure slip away upstairs to shower.

After Dave left things were awkward. The two sat at Dirk’s kinda crappy dining table with a non microwaved meal in front of them both poking at it in silence. By the time they both decided they were done the house apartment felt delicate and tense. But regardless Dia holed up in her room for the rest of the evening to prepare for another fitful night and around ten Dirk pulled on his shoes and headed out.

Dia checked the clocked a couple hours later, noting tiredly that it was only ten past midnight. So she simply rolled over to face the wall and shut her eyes, trying to shut off her brain. It almost worked too…

Click.

Her eyes snapped open and she lifted her head to look towards the door briefly confused, almost assuming she was hearing things. She glanced at the clock again. 12:13 am. She rubbed her eyes and slowly sat up.

“ No way…I heard him leave at ten…and he usually doesnt come back until at least two on thursday…” She listened for a moment to make sure, and sure enough there was the sound of shuffling downstairs, slowly coming up the stairs. When she heard Dirk’s bedroom door open she got up and shuffled over to her own peeking out of her door to see his back. Before she could stop herself she made a noise to announce her presence and Dirk paused, looking back at her. There was a moment where they both stared at each other as she briefly panicked at the fact she started this conversation.

“ y..you’re back pretty early tonight…” She almost visibly cringed at herself as he gave a small shrug.

“ Didnt feel like being out for long tonight…besides, keeps some anxieties down if im not gone too late.” She stood up straighter and looked up at him stunned. He…he came home early…so she wouldnt worry? Her mind flashed to the morning before and something warm filled her chest. She nodded and murmured that she appreciated it and swore she saw a smile on his face before he continued into his room.

“ Hey um…” She saw him pause again and she took a nervous breath. She wasnt used to this, but…

“ I um…im not that picky when it comes to food…but I dont mind spicy foods, as long as its not deathly spicy. I’m also willing to try most things put out for me to eat at least once…so I’ll at least try to eat most meals…” She glanced back up to see him nod, a small smile now clear on his face.

“ Alright kiddo, I’ll keep that in mind. Try to go to bed before sunrise.” She nodded back and slipped back into her room, somehow feeling a little lighter.

The next couple weeks after that were different for them both. At first it was hard to describe, but things were less stiff so to say. They both came out of theyre rooms more for meals together and…just talked. The talks were awkward as hell at first, but the more they did the more she looked forward to meal time, and the less she dreaded eating. Even though she struggled to open up to the older man she could still find things to talk about. At some point she started cooking again, which she hadn’t done since she took care of her little brother, over five months ago. Dia started when she noticed Dirk skipping meals, lost in his work.So…she started making things and leaving them for him with a reminder to eat. And once his portion was gone she ended up eating what was left for herself, the portion being enough to not make her feel too guilty most nights.

But things were on a better track, Hal pointed out as much one night as Dirk slipped back into the apartment as the clock read 1:00 am. Dirk raised an eyebrow and got a bit of a half smile. “ oh yeah? You really think so huh?”

‘ Yes I do actually. You havent noticed? She’s opening up to us both more than she has in months.’ Dirk nodded with a hum as he made his way to the stairs, listening to hear if Dia was moving about and noticed it was quiet. Maybe for once she managed to fall asleep.

‘ You know, you two are alot alike, at least with your issues and and some of your traumas.’ Dirk paused halfway up the stairs and tilted his head as he thought about it, not exactly responding. But Hal continued on.

‘ I think at this point, the best course of action for you both would be for you two to try having a deeper conversation. It would benefit you both greatly to try discussing and sympathizing over your similar issues. At the very least it would help you both open up more, something we both know is very needed in this apartment.’ He…couldnt really argue with that one.

“ Ya know what? fuck it why not. I’m not going to push her too much but…I’ll give it a shot.”

And he did. When he saw her at breakfast he motioned for her to listen and took a deep breath through his nose, preparing for the worst. He vividly remembered how she could lash out when she felt cornered or afraid, and that was the last thing he wanted.

So he tried as gently as he could, following some of Hal’s advice and the advice of Rose who he’d talked about this with much earlier in the morning for ideas to approach the subject…delicately. He even vaguely put some of his smaller issues on the table first, made them vulnerable which made Hal rather proud of him for.

“ Look Dia…I get it ok? I get the not wanting to talk to anyone about it and the need to be strong and unbreakable. But I also know how that can fuck you up even more. It has for me for years…and…I’ve lost trust with close friends because of it. I did things I still dont forgive myself for trying to bottle it up.” She listened and nodded. Then Dia looked down and touched one of her scarred knuckles and took a deep breath. Then she looked up with an expression he hadnt seen before, it was tired and sad and vulnerable. Suddenly she looked like her age, a broken and exhausted 19 year old who’d been suffering on her own for too long, and he watched her shoulders droop as she spoke as if a weight was starting to lift off them.

“ I…I-I have alot wrong with me Dirk…maybe too much to be fixed…so much you may not want to bother with me if you knew everything…I’m…Im beyond screwed up and I cant even eat anymore without trying to loss the nonexistent weight it brings…I…I’ve done too much I dont deserve this I dont…” She trailed off and Dirk reached out and hesitantly, understandingly placed his hand on her wrist, making her look him in the eyes.

“ Why dont we start by just being screwed up together kid? You arent alone in it anymore…and about the eating, we can work on that first and get you started on recovery however you need it. But lets start small and see how we survive it.” She smiled a little and nodded, relaxing.

“ Yeah, ok.”

A few nights later Dia was tossing and turning again after waking up from another nightmareThis time a light rain drummed on the roof from a small passing storm. She looked at the clock and glared at the two am glaring back at her before sitting up and pulling on her hoodie. Maybe…

She got up and walked over to her door and stepped out, looking at Dirk’s door and expecting him to be out. But what she saw instead was a soft light coming from under the door, signifying he was still home and awake. With a deep breath she walked over and raised her hand to knock, only to pause and stare at the wood. She started doubting her right to interrupt him when their last talk flashed to mind. He had opened up to her a little and she had done the same, they had shared a moment and she felt…closer to him. She didnt feel like a burden as much.

So with more confidence than she had she grabbed the handle and turned it, letting the light wash over her warmly as she gazed at his back, sitting at his desk across the room making something. She only hesitated for a moment before her body relaxed and she smiled a little, taking a step in.

“ H-hey Dirk…I cant sleep…do you mind if I hang in here for awhile?”

She shut the door behind her when she saw him smile while declaring she can have his bed since he’ll be up awhile longer.

She fell into a peaceful sleep that night, feeling safe and at home.

End

Tadaaaa, this took a long while to write but I hope it was worth the wait! And I hope you guys like it!

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@phantommoonpeople @turing-tested

#My writing #homestuck #Homestuck AU #homestuck oc #dirk strider #dave strider #dirk fanfiction #homestuck fanfic #long fic #hal strider #karkat mention

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thegeminisage · 5 years

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alright im about to watch 5.03 of merlin for the 2nd time ever

because if i dont do it now i may NEVER GET ANOTHER CHANCE

but first i wanna get out of the way that i thought merlin convincing arthur to keep the ban on magic in 5.05 because he was trying to thwart ~*~destiny~*~ or whatever is the laziest writing ever, it’s unsatisfying for the audience, it renders the rest of the last season utterly pointless, it’s unfair to merlin and arthur, and the tonal shift of the show from farting trolls in season 2 to full greek tragedy in season 5 was completely unwarranted and i feel TRICKED as a human person because i expected the end to be bittersweet and make me sad, not table-flipping angry, and i do not at all have high hopes for the finale

but i can ignore something having a “bad last five minutes” i did it for life is strange and final fantasy 13-2 i will do it for merlin but honestly

speaking on 5.03, after it was over the first time i was like “i can never write my fanfic now because nothing i ever do will be as good as that” but i’m really relieved in that way that that was apparently the last good episode of merlin because now i can continue my work in peace and maybe hopefully even actually finish it

okay commence the liveblog:

love that arthur and merlin are down to just jump off their horses whenever random women start screaming in the distance. season 5 could have been so good, they’re so much more grown up and in sync with one another, i absolutely LOVE their #vibe

it was interesting to me also that arthur DEMANDED a fair trial for this woman despite her being accused of sorcery. god, he was SO CLOSE?? that hatred of magic just can’t really take root in him especially with uther gone...arthur may be an asshole in the early seasons, and he may be quick to anger and quick to lash out in that anger, but it’s just not in him to be cruel, especially needlessly

EVEN THIS LADY IS LIKE “u showed kindness and compassion” arthur is a Good Boy deep down he is he IS he didn’t care a bit about that horn she gave him but still politely said it was beautiful

although lmao the way his face changed when she said it was magic...that’s the STUFF

lowkey losing it at athony head in the credits. i was looking to see if he’d be in the s5 ones since he’s dead and didn’t see him in 5.01 or 5.02 so when i DID see him in 5.03 i was like haha no way did they pay to put him in here i guess i just missed him the first couple of times BUT I WAS WRONG

like, in buffy, they spend an entire episode trying to decide whether or not to necromance their mom or whatever and she doesnt actually APPEAR IN THE EP they never SEE her i thought this would be an episode ABOUT uther i didn’t think uther would be IN it

love that from the get-go arthur’s face screams “i am thinking about making a terrible mistake” and merlin’s face is like “he is thinking about making a terrible mistake”

i’m quite proud of merlin in s5 actually. bad writing aside he uses multiple braincells many times per episode. it’s a vast improvement. same energy as clary from shadowhunters right down to getting shafted in his final season

ive said it before and ill say it again gwen looks SOOO GOOOOD as queen

if this is the anniversary of uther’s death then (if you go by 1 season = 1 year) arthur just turned 30...it’s been nine years and change since merlin met him, and by the end of season 5 it will have been an entire decade

in an otherwise increddibly heavy episode arthur panicking and throwing all the apples out of the bowl so he could cover the horn with it is absolutely priceless. season 5 if nothing else has really hammered home for me what a TERRIBLE liar arthur is - merlin got good at it fast out of necessity but arthur can’t hold a poker face to save his LIFE. “leave it.” “why??” “because i’m telling you to and i’m the king of camelot” buddy......

we were ROBBED. if there had ever been a day where arthur came to accept merlin’s magic but still had to help merlin hide it there could have been an entire episode of arthur nearly blowing merlin’s cover because he’s a nervous nelly and at the end he goes “i cant believe you have had to do this 24/7 for YEARS without a single friend to help you” and merlin goes “well now i have you” anyway.

i love also that repeatedly when arthur goes to do something scary by himself he also brings merlin. they LITERALLY are two halves of a whole

“you’re threatening me with a spoon??” i can’t tell you about the unfortunate fanfics i have seen involving The Spoon. i shall also not mention the ones involving The Glove. we will not speak of it

I CANNOT BELIEVE STONEHENGE IS IIN MERLIN. i got so agitated i did not pay one bit of attention to the conversation following its reveal and me and cathy and had to rewind so i could listen properly

my hate-on for stonehenge goes thusly: stonehenge apocalypse, starring misha collins, is @callowyn‘s favorite movie. i have seen it 45 times. i hate it nearly as much as she loves it. it’s an age-old battle

merlin is so intense when he looks for signs in arthur that he DOESN’T totally hate magic...arthur using magic to see his dad again is one of those signs. he’s willing to turn to it in desperation - maybe he’d be willing in less desperate times too

“my father was taken from me before his time” i mean...he was practically in a coma. so like. he wasn’t

love that when arthur mentions merlins dad ONCE he immediately looks like he’s about to cry. mood. i also want to cry every time i think about merlins dad

up until the moment i laid eyes on uther i was SURE they werent actually gonna do it. i came into this thinking it was a FLASHBACK EP

for the record (and believe me i NEVER thought i’d say this) even though i waited and waited for his demise and cheered when he was gona for good...i really missed uther in season 4. at least with uther you know what you’re getting. agravaine (his replacement as “evil guy who keeps us from being able to solve our problems too easily”) was a slimy cowardly CREEP. and in season 5 i WISH things were as simple as “work around uther’s pigheaded unreasonableness”

for a hot second i really thought uther and arthur would have a nice conversation where they reconciled or said something heartwarming. i was worried about an uther redemption arc - this guy is responsible for the genocide of magic users, he doesn’t deserve redemption - but this show said NOT TODAY and they said it QUICK

ARE

BLESSED

i have A LOT of issues with season 5 but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS WAS DADDY ISSUES 2.0 BROUGHT BACK FROM THE DEAD

repressed trauma returns: harder better faster stronger!! that’s the STUFF

was i not just speaking the other day on my fanfic ask meme about how i love emotionally intense stuff? this is IT babey

uther’s such a bad father! he’s with his only child again for the last time in ever and all he does is tear him a new one! this is why arthur’s such a fucked-up human being (morgana too)

i’m THRILLED we got to revisit this. his eyes get bigger and bigger and he starts fucking stammering and by the time uther’s done calling him weak and a failure he looks ready to CRY. i was HOLLERING. i still couldnt believe uther was even HERE and not only is he HERE he’s a WRECKING BALL

“this CAN’T be the last time i’ll ever see you” oh buddy you’re gonna wish it was

and he looks back, as he leaves. of COURSE he does. just like lot’s wife. so it goes.

you know how at the end of every supernatural episode sam and dean debrief and talk about their feelings in the car? for merlin and arthur it’s almost always done around a campfire at night - sometimes in arthur’s chambers or other places, but usually out here in the wilderness where it’s just the two of them. i’m...really going to miss it, when it’s gone.

“my father doesn’t approve of the way i’ve chosen to rule his kingdom” “you mean YOUR kingdom”

you know i don’t think i really got...like, fundamentally, on a deep level...that merlin fucking HATES uther

i’ve seen him save uther’s miserable life so many fucking times that i thought for merlin it was kind of the way it was with gwen - he feels nothing for him, but he looks after him for arthur’s sake (or as i came to understand later because he’s professor x about the whole thing)

but the way his expression got SO UGLY when arthur revealed that uther just shit-talked him the entire time...holy fuck

between that & some other stuff that happens later it really paints a clearer picture of like...uther’s dead so merlin doesn't have to hold back anymore and he FUCKING HATES HIM?? like obviously he SHOULD bu i just never SAW it before this. merlin LOATHES him. it’s INCREDIBLE to witness when he bore it so silently for so long. maybe even merlin didn’t realize just how much he hated him until now

and not to get too real here but if youve ever been friends with someone who had an abusive/toxic parent or was in an abusive/toxic relationship and you watch them feeling like shit after and they start making excuses for that asshole like “oh yeah he’s right about x” and you just want to find this horrible person and THROTTLE THEM that emotion is like ALL OVER merlin’s face rn. i didn’t actually seriously "”ship”” merlin and arthur until late season 4/early season 5 (i didnt like dislike it i just wasnt actively bothered by a lack of it) and what changed was this vibe. merlin wants to kill uther all over again just because he made arthur feel this way. he’s so fuckijng PROTECTIVE

and he still almost manages to drag a smile out of him via roasting, god bless these 2

ok so i didnt believe this show would actually DO THAT re: putting uther himself in this ep but i was doubly shocked by the fact that he HITCHED A RIDE AND GOT OUT

me shrieking during this entire poltergeist sequence: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IT’S REALLY HIM?? HOLY FUCK HE IS LITERALLY HAUNTING ARTHUR I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE DOING THIS I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE GIVING US THIS etc etc etc

actually most of that was probably muffled nonsense because i was yelling with both hands over my mouth

percival’s the realest motherfucker on this whole show. dude survives a murder attempt in which he got an AXE lobbed at him by the fucking GHOST of a power-mad genocidal king and he’s like: yeah idk i guess it fell

there was thunder in the bg for this WHOLE ep and i’m Big into it

absolutely CACKLING at the bit where merlin has to ask arthur if he looked back at uther’s spirit. it’s one of those nice big heavy questions - so heavy, in fact, that arthur can’t answer, can’t even LOOK at merlin, either because he’s ashamed or because he’s bugging out or both. you thought this shit was over? it’s never over! daddy issues are a lifelong ride, pal! arthur’s just get to haunt him literally this time. god it’s so fucking good

can i just say? merlin reads that damning silence reeeal well. and it’s a big, heavy thing to know about arthur - but then again he knows all the big heavy things about arthur

the score for this episode is really good too...very suspenseful and good, adds a lot to the atmosphere, keeps it from getting too slow

there’s a hint of merlin’s absolute HATRED of uther in this conversation again - the way his face tightens when he says “uther would do anything to protect his legacy and that makes him dangerous, who knows what he’s capable of now”

and arthur dismisses him because he can’t hear this but merlin almost refuses to leave - and when he DOES leave, he doesn’t take his eyes off arthur for one fucking second. he stares him down all the way out of the room. i don’t think it’s because he’s angry with arthur, per se - he’s angry with uther, and he knows uther in a way arthur never can or will, as someone ruthless who will kill without warning or remorse. he’s afraid of uther and he’s trying to get arthur to be afraid of uther too before it’s too late and LSDKFJGHSLDFJH

if you’re thinking “thats a lot to interpret from one look” yes it is but i’m right. IT’S A BIG, HEAVY LOOK. NICE AND LOADED. love unpacking all of that

i cant believe this dude tried to KILL GWEN like he really is coming after everything that makes arthur happy. im so glad it was merlin that saved her. i really do think merlin is her best friend

multiple times in this serious arthur fidgets when he’s nervous or thinking, usually with his hands near his mouth. i am endeared to him. my poor boy

“i always knew my father could be cruel but why would he do this to gwen when he knows i love her” BECAUSE HE’S CRUEL

merlin knows. merlin knows his cruelty much better than arthur. boy does he know. i’m dying. it’s fine

love that at this part of the ep we slide seamlessly into the “merlin and arthur are both scared shitless” section which was truly one of my favorite things about the s4 opener. they’re both so fucking jumpy and giving each other shit about being frightened and continuing to be frightened anyway. the DELICIOUS IRONY of arthur finally being scared of uther in the way merlin has been scared of uther for Y E A R S oh my god it’s so GOOD

do also love the entire silent conversation they have when deciding what to do about the door. this is what i mean by their upgraded vibe.l in the early seasons merlin wouldn’t have understood and his lack of understanding would have been played for laughs. now they’re totally in sync

here’s the thing, gaius could have made this magic “able to see uther’s ghost” potion for just arthur and he didn’t. he made it for both of them. everything arthur does merlin does. they’re partners in all things. they’re COMPANIONS. and this is why i finally now Ship It. tragic.

you know this is a kind of weird comparison but late seasons arthur reminds me JUST a bit of gwaine. he complains so much less that he sort of has that same “roll with whatever” vibe to him. pretend to faint so you can steal some guy’s dagger? why not. take this foul potion that may kill us? sure, let’s do it. come what may he’s not really fussed. much more unflappable

until he starts getting spooked again LMFAO

we do love a good pair of spooked dumbasses. this is charming and entertaining.

leon HAD to know they were lying about poetry. he probably thought they were having.......a tryst,

love also that even in this very dire moment merlin does NOT miss the chance to have some fun at arthur’s expense. that’s true friendship

i got jumpscared three separate times during this ep and one of them was when uther was glaring down merlin and arthur in the hallway after leon left

arthur didn’t jump but he did go hunting after him and to his credit he does not look scared. he looks like a man who is trying to deal with his business and get his shit together

merlin made that FACE again when arthur expressed sadness at hunting his own father because all he ever wanted to DO was make him proud

honestly it’s like since he can’t shit-talk uther he just sings arthur’s praises instead like this here is a guy who is just barely holding his tongue about how fuckin pissed he is. i cant believe it

splitting up was the WORST idea. have they not seen scooby doo??

love that when merlin gets cornered by uther’s ghost and gets scared he yells for arthur and when arthur gets scared because his torch blows out he yells for merlin. you fools, why did you SPLIT UP

uther locks arthur in the room with him, which is already some top tier content, but doubly good? it’s the same room in which arthur nearly ran him through in 2.08. don’t think i didn’t notice. i did notice. i was shrieking into my hands.

seriously this is a pretty calm liveblog but the first time i watched this ep my face was like this the whole time: O O

just kept going “HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK OH MY GOD” over and over. it was greeat

“arthur your fatal flaw is that you put too much trust in other people” do you think arthur, who now has a complex about people betraying him, ever forgot that for one second in his entire life afterward? me neither

speaking of 2.08 arthur dropped some FACTS “your hatred comes from fear” i'm sure they didn’t do it on purpose but #throwbacks

i’m fully experiencing human emotion. “i’m not you, i can’t rule like you did” he’s trying SO HARD to fight his way out of that bullshit

also lmao arthur like “then you’ll have to kill me” and uther like “yeah okay” arthur didn’t KNOW how this man was this could have been SUCH a good awakening

AND NOW IT’S TIME

FOR MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS EPISODE

when i say merlin hates uther. WHEN I SAY MERLIN H A T E S UTHER

HIS LINE HERE. ok. “get away from him, uther. you’ve caused enough harm” he’s furious! he’s GROWLING!

“you are just a serving boy” “i am much more than that” listen. human words cannot express the emotion that ran through me. when they said “we’re gonna bring back anthony head as uther” i doubted. when they said “he’s gonna be the bad guy and reopen all of arthur’s old wounds” i doubted. when they said “he’s still here LITERALLY haunting arthur who now has to HUNT HIM” I DOUBTED. i didn’t believe they’d do any of it until it was happening on my screen. but ONE LOOK at merlins face made a MOTHERFUCKING BELIEVER out of me. i knew exactly what he was about to do. pretty sure i gasped “NO” in astonishment

AND HE DID THAT

HE👏

DID👏

THAT👏

NOT ONLY. DID I SHRIEK ALOUD. FULL SCREAM. WHEN IT HAPPENED THE FIRST TIME. BUT JUST NOW. WHEN I WATCHED HIM DO IT AGAIN. MORE SCREAMING.

how LONG do you think merlin had ACHED to do that

to show himself to uther for what he was, what he REALLY WAS, someone to be reckoned with instead of someone to be overlookedd, without fear of consequences

i can’t even like

like just imagine the triple rush of 1. satisfaction 2. rage 3. lingering habitual terror

i think at this moment merlin was closer to and more like morgana than he had ever been and maybe ever will be again. because the two of them have so much in common but one thing i didn’t really clock until now is how much they both hate uther

it’s so good. uther is SHOCKED and DISMAYED and this is like merlin’s old fear come back from death too (getting found out by uther) while at the same time being a dream come true (getting to tell uther what he really thinks, who he really is - “i was BORN with it!”) he’s so ANGRY! he is LIVID!)

he’s also really SATISFIED like “even while you were king there was magic at the heart of camelot” GOD how long has he been WAITING for this and not even realized it

and like then uther starts spewing his hateful bullshit and stalking forward with the intent to kill and my guy merlin who should be terrified STANDS HIS MOTHERFUCKING GROUND and says right over him “you’re wrong, you’re wrong” for thirty beautiful seconds merlin really got to be free. i know i will keep comparing things to 2.08 until i die but it’s just like when arthur was almost ready to kill uther in cold blood because for one perfect, brilliant moment he really and truly saw clearly the world as it was. i really love these moments...the strength of their respective convictions is so gratifying

merlin yeeting uther through a door is also gratifying although i have no idea what he hoped to accomplish by following without waking arthur first

i. LOVE. that the camera lingered a little on the spears or whatever after merlin walked by them. nice little foreshadowing moment

THOSE SPEARS GOT AWFULLY CLOSE BUT IM PRETTY SURE UTHER MISSED ON PURPOSE BECAUSE HE WANTED TO TAKE HIS TIME. HIS MISTAKE

okay merlin spent the better part of a lifetime dreading uther’s death sentence and here’s uther stalking down a hallway sword pointed at his chest and certain death is IMMINENT and what does merlin’s face look like?

arthur comes in with the rescue and INSTANTLY his expression changes to?

IT’S BETTER IN MOTION BUT HE LOOKS READY TO CRY

my immediate thought: oh jesus what if uther outs him

i knew he wouldnt bc of spoilers but i would bet a benjamin that that was merlin’s first thought too

tbh. i wish he had.

i kind of wonder if merlin doesn’t wish the same thing. like yes being outed like that is terribly violating and he’s terrified of telling arthur obviously or he would have already but at the same time there would be so much relief once it was finally out. no more secret-keeping. no more burden

i mean, if you go back and watch it, dude’s straight up shaking. he’s trembling all over. he’s losing it. that last teary glance they exchanged.......

uther was two SYLLABLES away from blowing the whole thing

and in a better happier canon where arthur knows and was waiting for merlin to tell him this is like double angst because uther wouldve ben blowing something for them both

i like arthurs followup of realizing that he’ll never be able to please uther (step 1 of breaking away from the cycle of abuse) but for the LIFE OF ME

i will NEVER be able to understand why they segued into this GLOVE THING

i’m not talking about the glove thing

i will say however that by the end of this episode i was so hysterical i had to get up and get water and pace around my kitchen for ten minutes fanning my own face

and that’s it. that’s the second-best episode of merlin and the last good episode there ever was

#personal #merlin blogging #it took me three and a half hours to rewatch this episode because i kept pausing to scream #MERLIN DESERVES TO BE OUT TO EVERYONE ALL THE TIME it's not FAIR #that episode deserved to be 20 minutes longer it ended too soon #in a happier world arthur found out about the magic and immediately took merlin's side and defended him against the genocidal maniac but app #apparently this show is a greek tragedy now

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nenastrology · 5 years

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you should rate the arcs. share your wisdom with us. (or rank them by craziness /wtf moments)

ok i think rating them is easier than ranking them i can add craziness as a category alright alright

ok this ended up being nightmarishly long so im just putting it all under the cut for anyone who feels like reading giant blocks of text on my opinions on every single naruto arc

land of waves - classic very good i genuinely wish there could have been more arcs like it to show team 7 really bonding and growing together before sasuke ends up feeling alienated its got a really sweet touching story and naruto and sasukes relationship starts off already at a pretty high level of crazy like oh yeah right out of the gate they are trying to die for each other this can only get crazier from here i would have probably liked it more if id read the manga first because the anime murders the pacing of the fights here but overall i do really like it

chuunin exams - i love lots of chunks of it but it did really feel like a slog to get through parts of the forest of death and a lot of the more minor fights because kishimotos really just not very good at writing fights that he doesnt put his absolute most effort into i really love how the anime added to the part where sasuke gets the curse mark and how naruto is separated from him its really emotional and strong sakura actually feels like shes trying to become a character here i love her fight with ino and cutting off her hair legendary and im not a monster gaara vs rock lee still makes me scream the craziness of this arc is actually finally not riding on sasuke being crazy finally gaaras carrying the craziness hello blood drinking 12 year old i hope you get better soon

konoha crush since i guess its a different arc - ok i actually really love all the weird political stuff kinda added in here the hints at some actually interesting village conflict i wish thats what the ninja war arc could have built from and orochimarus definitely the most comprehensible villain in the story and i love naruto vs gaara so much like thats really peak and tbh extremely satisfying to watch the shitty old bitch hokage kick the bucket like killing gaaras evil dad and hiruzen really was the best thing orochimarus done finally gaara has more help with craziness cuz narutos losing his mind too and sasukes getting some crazy seeds planted for later craziness harvest

search for tsunade - i feel like i really like this arc but when i actually read it im like hmm theres all these parts i dont like but i really love all the character stuff itachis introduction is iconic and i really do love tsunade and her fighting orochimaru was like highlight of everything its weird i dont have a lot to say but i do actually like this arc a lot in a way im like not sure why craziness is kinda low except for sasuke whos absolutely losing his entire mind which stresses me out so much and this is where i start getting extremely sad about sasuke

sasuke recovery mission - 80% of it is the absolute worst part of part 1 and 20% of it is the absolute best part of part 1 like this is really where all the warning signs of quality dropping and like kishimotos lack of skill writing fights really really starts to show like really all those fights do is kill the emotional thread running from the hospital fight, sasukes goodbye to sakura and sasuke and narutos fight which are like the best things hes ever written the craziness is turned up as high as it can get the emotional stakes and pain and love are also so high this is peak naruto if we just pretend the fights against the sound 4 never happened just skip them

kazekage rescue mission - this is where all the omens from sasuke recovery mission and the quality drop really like finally start meaning something because really this arc SHOULD be good and its like really really good in certain places like any time naruto and gaara are talking thats just love right there and all those moments really make it almost worth it except that kishimoto really took such a nose dive on understanding how to pace fights the parts that dont have gaara and naruto gazing tenderly at each other feel like pulling teeth like sasori vs sakura really should be absolute peak and its got some truly fantastic moments but it just goes on for so long i feel like im gonna die before sasori ever does that fight could have given us womens rights and the craziness is really high like naruto is just losing his mind about gaara and sakura killed a man with her bare fists

tenchi bridge - oh the love its palpable here and so is the craziness like naruto going to 4 tails because orochimaru just says a few things about sasuke like wow and their whole reunion is so good the passion and weird emotional issues all coming to the surface i love yamato here hes a fun guy and i really like the new team 7 dynamics they are fun i like lots of parts of it but i cant think of anything else to say its what it says on the tin emotional sauske and naruto reunion

akatsuki suppression mission - alright full disclosure i fucking love this arc this arc is the reason i sometimes throw my brain right out of my head and start talking about how much i love shikamaru i prefer all the emotional moments in the anime a lot it felt very rushed in the manga and like that whole episode of team ten processing their grief was so good but god im so so mad that only shikamaru got to have a big important fight like ino and choji should have been helping equally and i really really hate the fight with kakuzu its just more badly paced bullshit for kakashi and naruto to get to be super op when this was supposed to be a bonding moment for team ten this is a little crazy but its team 10 crazy not team 7 crazy which means they are still pretty normal well adjusted people with brains in their heads who are just having a moment

itachi pursuit mission - sasuke killing orochimaru really was so incredibly perfect and forming taka? this arc is about gay rights uum its really short so i dont have the most thoughts but yeah sasukes like maybe at his least crazy until the end of the story like hes got a real concrete plan find gay friends and kill his brother but hes really got a big storm coming

tale of jiraiya the gallant - i really do not like jiraiya all that much hes just boring and weird but i love the chunks of rain trio backstory we get they are really the last bit of complete villain characters we are gonna get very tragic idk the fight is like alright for this stage of naruto but it still lasts too long and pains powers still make no fucking sense and feel just too overpowered you know also zero crazy which is very disappointing all naruto arcs should have crazy

pain fight - ive got lots of conflicted feelings like the fights not very compelling at first because genuinely the pain bodies are just too strong its very weird and narutos got this big power up which is what it is i really love pain as a villain like hes literally right about everything hes saying but it has to be bizarrely undercut by just bonding awkwardly about jiraiya and yeah theres some very cool battle moments theres some good shit in there but long drawn out battles arent exactly my thing but naruto going 8 tails was still pretty fucking cool and god it was such a cop out that everyone came back to life at the end COWARD KISHIMOTO

kage summit - the one the only kage summit absolute peak craziness like sasuke trying to take down the entire world government thats absolutely iconic i love him for it so much narutos having his own melt down about sasuke sakuras decided she doesnt actually need a brain anymore and has also lost her whole fucking mind in the whirlwind of chaos like this arc feels like an anxiety attack at some points but god do i love it naruto and sasukes whole confrontation is absolutely peak ill bear the burden of your hatred and die with you?? the love the tragedy this is truly peak gay drama thats really like hes planning a lovers suicide and we are all just along for this crazy fucking ride love it

war arc - how did we go from kage summit to this like kage summit felt like it was maybe actually going somewhere but the quality drop is just like an elevator was cut and we are now all speeding to crash at rock bottom here what the fuck happened why was this written why is it literally 1/3 of all of naruto why has god abandoned us itachi and sasukes reunion was very good and needed i loved all the parts with hashirama and madara and really for one sweet moment it seemed like madara might just be a dumb sexy villain who just wrecks shit until all that spiraled down into garbage if i think about obito for too long i start to go crazy thats the real craziness of war arc is how fucking stupid it is and that is making everyone whos ever read or seen it go crazy right along with it

wiki is telling me the kaguya bit is its own arc so lets go with that - ok kaguya fight is pretty cool im into it to a certain extent her weird portal powers are fun i like that but thats really not what we are here for now are we no we are here for the conclusion to 15 years worth of crazy we are here for sasukes final massive lose his mind time and naruto to go right along with him the love and the tragedy but the hope it offers as well love was really invented by the second valley of the end fight and the anime said gay rights and made it the prettiest thing you will ever look at and also adding all the extra tender moments between them like this is it this is why you watch naruto you watch it all for this and god do we love it but wow the trying to be serious stuff about hokage really is so fucking stupid lets pretend that never happened

wow i really just typed that all out shout out to u 2 loyal fans who read all this shit i guess it was only a matter of time before i wrote something this long and stupid see i do actually like naruto i feel like i couldnt really hit the balance of complaining or praising so idk it might sound more positive or more negative than i actually am but there are really some good parts yes i watched the whole war arc no you shouldnt

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meggannn · 6 years

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LOL YOUR ROOMMATE?? I can't stop laughing omg

god did i ever share the full story of what happened with my housemate last year? i think i bitched about her a little bit but here’s the full write-up of my six months with that housemate. unedited and probably full of errors and discrepancies sorry cause im going off entirely from memory

i’ve now moved out of this apartment, but i was there for a year with three other girls. two of them i got along with fine, and we introduced ourselves to each other before we moved in because that’s common courtesy to see if we get along right? but basically before any of us could talk or interview candidates for the last spot in the apartment, this girl, i’m making up a name and calling her emily, this random girl named emily basically came in and signed on for the spot on the lease without talking to any of us. uh, okay? so we eventually all get in a group chat and talk and introduce ourselves and plan to move in. day one: emily moved in before me and i moved in a few hours later. i walk in and see the kitchen and she’s already covered the fridge with magnets and pictures and paper clippings featuring…. herself. like, a few of them had her friends, but most of the pictures were of her. basically. am i crazy or is that fucking weird? so from the get-go she just seemed……. if not privileged (which i also knew she was later), then definitely some sort of weird type of entitled but i couldn’t tell if it was maybe just cultural differences? (she was russian but had grown up in the states. idk)

anyway. she had this boyfriend who would come over occasionally, it was no problem since we didn’t talk and just waved hi to each other occasionally. but from the first week she and another housemate who lived on the far end of the apartment were both having trouble sleeping because someone else on the floor was blaring their tv loudly all hours of the night in the room next door. after several weeks of not being able to sleep through the night, they’d pretty much had enough and managed to track down whose apartment it was, and it turned out to be this elderly black woman’s apartment. i don’t really know if the woman understood why they were so upset because i think she might have been going slightly senile as well, so i think maybe the tv, or the volume, was something she wasn’t entirely aware she was doing? but the other housemate, i’ll call her veronica (who is more chill but was still upset) understood that this was probably not a fight they wanted to pick. veronica noticed that the elderly woman had a middle-aged male visitor, who looked like family, come visit the woman a few times a week and take care of her/take out the trash etc, so veronica decided to wait until she saw the visitor again to talk to him about lowering the volume or turning the tv off, or maybe getting his relative headphones or something. but emily, like….. kept pushing it every single night. every single night for the first month or so she’d stomp across the floor and rap on the door loud enough to wake up the entire floor (the walls were thin and it wasn’t a big building). and most of the time the woman didn’t respond, but there was one notable time someone else got fed up enough to wake up at 2am and yell at emily (deservedly so) for waking up the whole hall. all of which i heard very clearly because my room was next to the main door to out apt.

things escalated when i overheard emily talking to her friend on the phone about the situation and then she mentioned that in retaliation, she went over in the middle of the night and put vaseline on the woman’s door handle. i was kind of stunned and disgusted that a grown ass adult (she’s at least a few years older than me, i’d guess late 20′s/early 30′s?) would do something like that???? but anyway a few nights later iirc, once again in the middle of the night, i was woken up by a shouting match down the hall because apparently the male relative had come back to check in on who he said was his mother, and HE WAS PISSED, UNDERSTANDABLY SO, AT FINDING MY ROOMMATE IN THE MIDDLE OF PUTTING VASELINE ON THE FLOOR CREVICE UNDER THE DOOR. LIKE. THAT’S NOT JUST PETTY BUT REAL FUCKING DANGEROUS TO DO TO AN ELDERLY WOMAN. he basically shouted at her and she kept talking about how she can’t sleep for months because of the noise, and whatever, but she stomped back to our apartment and they had this argument loudly at the door (remember, my room was right next to the front door). i listened to it for a couple minutes wondering if she would like, acknowledge what she did was wrong? and it became clear that she was so focused on the noise she wasn’t listening to this dude, so i came out and i tried to be a voice of reason. the guy was understandably really pissed that she would do something like that and i apologized for her and said she was wrong to do that (she had stomped off back to her room meanwhile) and he seemed grateful to talk to someone who wasn’t batshit crazy in the meantime so he mentioned that he had grown up in this building all his life before moving out so it hurt to see someone treat his mother this way who had lived here for 50 years or something. and after that i was just thinking like, jesus, this is so not the kind of fight you want to have with a family like this as a white woman in a gentrified apartment complex. like at some point you need to realize this is not your fucking place and if you must settle things, do it civilly or just dip out entirely.

i think emily eventually apologized and he accepted and they found out that the tv wasn’t even coming from the woman’s room at all, but from someone on the floor above who THEY also had had problems with for months.

veronica was away on a trip i think during this climax, but before, while it was still escalating, i was talking with veronica and veronica mentioned she and emily had bitched about the noise to each other often, but veronica said she drew the line when emily basically started making her complaints race-themed ever since she found out the elderly woman was black. etc the complaints turned from “it’s too loud” to “this neighborhood is so ghetto” and “that’s what black ppl are like” and stuff like that. veronica wasn’t cool with that, so she planned on handling any other complaints herself directly so she could resolve things like a normal person, but ever since veronica mentioned that i knew emily was a pos

emily also complained about people partying/drinking on the street outside till ~11pm, which imo isn’t too unreasonable, like normal people do, and basically being too loud or whatever. on some level i get it cause she had to go to sleep early to go to work early, but also at some point i was just wondering how she functioned as a human being in the real world

ANYWAY THE STORY I TELL AT PARTIES IS THIS ONE, THE ONE IN WHICH SHE LEAVES (i will try to keep this as short as possible while still giving you all the details you need to understand just how fucking weird it was):

in early november, emily group messaged everyone asking if her boyfriend could come live with us. to her credit she said she wouldn’t do it unless everyone was ok, and she waited to hear back from all of us. i was out of town at the time but i remember being really put off by this idea and i was going to say no, when i noticed that my two other housemates had ALREADY said yes in the chat. just like that. i was stunned. what? like, no follow-up questions or “we dont even really know him” or “how is this gonna work”? were they fucking insane?

i messaged her privately saying i really wasn’t comfortable with it, for xyz reasons. among those being 1) rent, because nowhere did she offer to split the rent five ways instead of four (they were basically going to split her room between them, which, no). 2) fridge/living space, which was small enough with four people to one apartment as it is, and 3) just overall “i dont fucking know him” atmosphere. she messaged back saying she understood, and i got to asking why this was so important to her to do now, because she mentioned she wanted to do it “asap” if we’d said yes.

and this is where my “no” turned into “hell fucking no.” she told me this:

in response to my question of if she’d want to put him on the lease, she said no, she wouldn’t want her boyfriend on the lease in case “something happens so she could just tell him to leave” (raising my question: what, exactly, do you expect to happen? maybe the landlord, who lives in the building, finding out someone’s living here illegally? bc THAT WOULD DO IT FOR ME)

she was marrying him in december which is why she wanted it to happen “soon” so they wouldnt be living apart. i asked why she couldnt just wait until the lease was up to do all this, to which she said:

her boyfriend’s green card (he was russian) had expired so he was now paying month to month and that’s when i realized, oh. bitch he’s using you for a green card marriage and you’re trying to inconvenience all of us instead of owning your life like an adult, or something

at some point during the conversation she like tried to bribe me with a couple hundred extra dollars per month “to cover the cost of the extra utlities/wifi/inconvenience,” which i politely declined. this was when i said basically “look i never got the sense you particularly liked living here (massive understatement) and i think that it’d work out best if you moved out, which you’re clearly already planning to do”

and she did start looking immediately. at some point while she was looking i overheard her talking to veronica mentioning that he was a huge fan of putin and she’d asked him to like, politely, stop?, lmao because she didn’t like his entire yknow politics, and he basically said “i’m sorry, i can’t betray my personal/national identity, i just really believe in putin” or whatever the fuck and i thought to myself, this bitch is marrying him anyway for some godforsaken reason

i don’t know why i hoped that she would be any more considerate moving out than when she moved in, but somehow i was still surprised when the sublet she picked out was someone she never introduced us to or mentioned before, she literally just said “hey here’s your new housemate and when she’s moving in” and dropped us a phone number and facebook page.

one last thing: while emily was moving out, veronica mentioned to me that she was really pleased i stood up to her because she felt massively uncomfortable with the situation too. i asked why she didn’t say something, and she said she talked to emily privately airing out her problems, and emily had managed to talk her into accepting that sort-of bribe privately off message, and emily told her ‘just say yes’ in the chat, so she did and was kind of kicking herself for it after. (our other housemate was off doing fuck knows what at this point; she was gone for weeks on end leaving us to take care of her guinea pigs for her with little to no warning.)

but then, veronica says, the big thing that astounds her is that this wasn’t even the same boyfriend who she’d had when she’d moved in. six months had passed by this point. SHE HAD BEEN DATING GREEN CARD GUY FOR LIKE, THREE MONTHS WHEN SHE DROPPED THIS ON US

and then she moved to fucking harlem, one of the yknow most diverse neighborhoods in the city known particularly for its black heritage, so i guess have fun honey

(her replacement somehow turned out to be just as bad as she was, so you can imagine why i was eager for my lease to end in may)

#stuff #Anonymous #askbox

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mechagalaxy · 3 years

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Sten Hugo Hiller - 627184: Mountain Climbing Mecha Combat #1402

(By Sten Hugo Hiller - 627184) Mountain Climbing Mecha Combat #1402 Brought to you by ANN Highlighting the November 3366 Axe Attacks This time the Gaming Authorities decided that the time had come to put the 20 ton Axe Bot in the limelight again. On the eight highest tops it would be the only legal model. As usual, those fighting on K9 faced no restrictions, and had an unlimited event instead. The format was on the face of it pretty bad news for my colors, as there only was a trio of Axe Bots in the hangar. In reality, it was probably a gift from above. Very few Commanders in the upper echelons have Axe Bots in numbers, -if at all. Reason? Well, the Axe Bot is one of the oldest models, and have been falling steadily behind as newer models have appeared. Even fully upgraded its single Cockpit and Shield gives it scant Precision or damage reduction, while the double Chassis at least let it have some evasive abilities. Its saving grace is the four Engines that lets it shot first, but even facing a Shocklite it might be in trouble. Then there is the Commissar, the 20 ton Unification knockoff whose double Cockpit and quadruple Chasis gives it much better Precision and Dodge. The Axe Bots sole edge lies in its higher speed, but as the Commissar have a higher weapon aquisition rate, this edge gets duller over time. And the odds of a Commissar landing a hit on an Axe Bot is much higher than the reverse Given a choice, most Commanders would much rather bring a Commissar along than an Axe Bot. Except of course for these Axe Bot events. My trio were smoothly integrated into my existing main. There were no competition for equipment, and the three rides they displaced had just the weapons I wanted on the Axe Bots. So a few minutes before the scramble was to kick off, we left for the arena and signed in on K3. As usual on K3 we were heavily outlicenced, but that was of little concern this time. The opponents either had Axe Bots in numbers, -in which case we couldnt beat them, or my trio would face little to no resistance. A couple quick strikes saw us on the top slope position, but then we paused. Chong Chin of the Heroes held the top. And while his formation clearly had at least one non-AxeBot in it, some alarm bells started ringing in my head. Hadnt we faced him in the Circuits just recently? And there had been at least a full line of Axe Bots to overcome. Discretion seemed to be the better part of valor in this case, so we went into laager mode and waited for the other opponents to bring their Axe Bots online and charge us. Those of the crew who had brought heavies to the mountain, -and therefore would be out of any conflict, started getting footage. And when the light flashed some time later we still held the spot. And the footage taken showed that this events winners had been: Div 1 485+ (10 Commanders): Ben Rail, Winters Coming (28m,12s) 2: DarthSpidus 3: Gary Muenzel 4: Sal Vezzosi Jr 5: Bernard Johnson 6: Claude Poirier 7: roward 8: Shawn Wretham 9: David Buchanan 10: Chad Leon Baker Div 2 -484 (20 Commanders): Sherriff Leary Wretham, W&D HQ (19h,23m) Div 3 -373 (10 Commanders): Chong Chin, Heroes (5h,59m) Div 4 -244 (15 Commanders): Ales Hasala, B.S.L.R. (1h,27m) Div 5 -178 (12 Commanders): Scott Eggers, Death`s Revenge (4h,1m) Div 6 -146 (12 Commanders): JohnM723, Defenders of Bunny (16h,51m) Div 7 -112 (18 Commanders): Spartia Mechapoulos, T.I.o.M.T. (1h,43m) Div 8 -79 (17 Commanders): Ila Mari Antonsen, T.I.o.M.T. (16m,39s) Div 9 -46 (25 Commanders): Jill Reiki, JC`s Rowdy Bunch (16m,27s) On the eight tops where only AxeBots were supposed to fight, only 0+3(G,1S)+0+2S+2(G,S)+3(G,2S)+4(3S)+1(G)= Four Golds, nine Silvers and two Bronzes went to Commanders who might have pure Axe Bot formations. Total Contestants: 139 Total medals claimed: 119 (of 135 possible) Compared to the previous (Chrono) event, the participation was reduced by thirty Commanders. This reduction, -as well as some imbalance between the tops, resulted in quite a few unclaimed medals. Some of them might be laid at the door of the Gaming Authorities (who set the bar very high for admittance to Mount Olympus). But in the end, sixteen Bronzes from four tops were returned for resmelting. The last half-hour saw a trio of Gold changing hands at least once, while four other Golds were held for at least two hours. Given the format, the odds are high that this was a case of haves vs have less. But was the struggle for the rest of the prizes closer? To find out we just need to count the number of medals held for more than 30 minutes in this event: .............Silvers......Bronzes Div 1 ....0 of 4.........4 of 5 Div 2 ....2 of 4.........4 of 10 Div 3 ....1 of 4.........4 of 5 Div 4 ....2 of 4.........7 of 10 Div 5 ....4 of 4.........6 of 7 Div 6 ....0 of 4.........4 of 7 Div 7 ....3 of 4.........5 of 10 Div 8 ....1 of 4.........5 of 10 Div 9 ....3 of 4.........6 of 10 There was at least some action on all of the tops this time. On Mount Olympus, K2, K6 and K8 the action was fierce enough to redistribute most of the medals. Twenty Silvers (55%) and twenty-nine Bronzes (39%) changed hands, a higher percantage for both than the 33% for the Golds. The only clan to secure a double Gold in this event was The Isle of Misfit Toys. They won on K7 and K8. None of the unaligned Commanders managed to win a Gold this time, neither did any of the Chrono winners manage to get a follow-up Gold. Upcoming event: Limited Tonnage Here we get an event where the restriction lies not in what Mechs we can use, how many of each, or where in the formation they are placed. No, the only restriction this time is the combined tonnage of the formation. On the lowest top (K9) the limit is 445 tons. For each successive top this limit is increased by 135 tons, until theose fighting on Mount Olympus are allowed to bring a total tonnage of 1525 tons along. Be aware! This limit will be enforced, and the craftsmen will cull your formation if you dont do so, in a way that is bad for you. But if you are OK with having say five lines of two Mechs each, instead of two lines of five Mechs each, there is no need to adjust the formation, and a low chance of getting (good) prizes. Event ends January 2 between 2200 and 2230 New York Time

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wwoofcsa · 4 years

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My time with karla

Ok so bali’s good for the first two weeks, we have some wonderful adventures, and we eventually find our way to ubud for the first of many times, and we find a flyer for this free ocean yoga festival in amed a few days later (on the east side of the island) we’re super intrigued and we head to canggu for a few days before we go out to amed. In canggu, this wonderful girl (who will soon change my life) shows up and we hit it off. Shes orginally mexican, but she, like me, left her home country. In her journey, she moved to the states for a few years, and then flew out and has been in chiang mai for the last year or so. We sat in the pool for a bit upon meeting and spoke for a long while. It was almost a magneticism, karla and i, we just really enjoyed eachothers company. So we kept hanging out over the next few days. We slacklined, did some yoga, and really just connected. Meanwhile the gang and i went and saw FKJ, NIghtmares on Wax, and Slow Magic at this bougie festival at the W hotel and we met up with rain and fox (for the first of a few times) from the burn. The festival was hilarious, as we just got plastered and had a fucking blast, pulled some shenangigans, and were the life of the party...or should i say the life of the super fancy hotel.

Anyways we told karla about this festival we found out about and she asked if she could accompany us. It made me super happy how direct and open she was. And i remember being a bit nervous, but i wanted to let her know that i was interested in sharing a room together if she was into it. After we talked, and agreed to share a room, we all made our way out to amed on the 4 or 5 hour ride.

Arriving in the evening the hotel lost our reservations and through a 45 minute process of events, we eneded up getting upgraded to an unbelieveably beautiful sister hotel of theirs, for the same price. This place was an actual temple, It was incredible. We shouldnt have been allowed to stay there, it was directly on the beach and had 3 enormous rooms with two outdoor showers and a kitchen and living room. So karla and i got our own private little villa in back where over the course of the week our relationsihp and bond deepened as we explored each other and ourselves in the form of love making, sharing, beautiful workshops we explored and amazing ecstatic dance partys. She was a brilliant and lovely companion. She was excited to try new things, she loved meditation and she was so hilarious. She was kind and gentle and loving, and she had my back. It was the first time id ever really felt that a companion could really provide support for me too, a true partner, and equal. I very quickly fell into an ocean of love, but a love this time, without infatuation. A love with (as the community of tamera would define) my blue ball in tact, and still with me, and a love with true contact. A love that seemed to carry intention, awareness, gentleness and consideration. A love to be proud of, with no shame, guilt, fear, or demands. Would this girl play a role in my future? I didnt know, and didnt really dwell, i was just happy for the time that was happening.

We decided, a few days in, to trip on acid together. It was ultimately a really incredible experience and i went pretty deep into my own mind. I took away a few things. First off, i deepened my connection to trees, as in many ways i felt as if i embodied a tree and grounded myself into my life and into those around me in order to support them. But i also experienced something else interesting, i felt the support of karla, it felt that because she was fully able to take care of herself, and even had extra to give, that i could finally feel supported in my own journey as opposed to focus on taking care of someone else. It felt almost as though i was so much stronger because i had someones support behind me. This was definitely something new for me in a relationship and it became very clear during our trip together. In the past, ive been used to feeling like i am consistantly taking care of two people, and with karla, it felt as if i i both of us were watching out of both of us. At the end of the day, it was super nice that she was open to tripping and i see that the manifestation of a psychedelic lady is coming to fruition which makes me so happy and excited for the future

In the next two weeks we contintued connecting, checking in and exploring. We dealt with the challenges of me balancing my time between her and my group of friends and i learned a great deal. I learned how important a group is to me, and how hard it is for me to feel seperated while im spending in a group. I think it triggered feelings, like i must choose between people i love, when i really love them all and i want to dedicate time and energy to everyone. I know for part of the time mikey expressed feelings of “losing” me to karla, and feeling like our trip was starting to diverge from what we had originially planned (ill go into this more in depth at a later point)

Through these challenges, we grew, and communicated and so to lighten the mood ill share some funny stories that happened along the way.

Scooter story

So one night during the ocean yoga festival, there was an ecstatic dance experience. Ecstatic dance is an awesome forum for expression through movement. Its basically a 2 hour dj set where everyone has the space to dance however feels good for them, they can do yoga, meditate, dance together, dance alone etc etc. It’s basically a space that holds the freedom to move and enjoy without alcohol or drugs. So the location of the ecstatic dance was a bit far out, but we had done some acro yoga there a few days before so we knew the route, the night was amazing and we danced our faces off, and i got a bunch of new songs via my shazam addiction.

flash forward a few days, there was another dance party out on the beach right in front of the yoga shalla where we had danced only nights before. Because the journey was so long (30 minute drive) and it was already night time, one of our friends that we had met offered a short cut. He owned one of the restaurants in amed, blue earth, which and INCREDIBLE charcoal pizza. Like, this pizza was so good we got it seven times, thats how good it was. I would give the rest of my lifes savings, just to eat a life time supply of this pizza. Anyway, so we get this short cut where we basically drive to the beach and walk 20 minutes down the beach. We park the bike and for some reason decide to lock the key hole, just in case there are theives by the beach and we didnt want our bike to get stolen blah blah blah. So we lock the bike and something weird happens where it seemed like the lock was stuck. No worries, we headed down the beach and started our treck to the party. The walk was lovely, along the beach at night, and we finally arrived to the bonfire party combo. We stayed for a while and danced and chatted, but after a while we both felt the call to get the fuck back home. As we walked back came across some bio luminscense!! The plankton in the water was so beautiful so we played fora bit, as it was the highlight of our evening. So we contintued on and after some time arrived to the bike which we would find out soon, was inevitably locked forever. Its not that the keyhole lock was messed up, its that the back of the key itself which unlocks the keyhole lock, was worn down and stripped. It was at that point i realized that i had no more internet on my phone plan and after about 40 mins of tryign to look up youtube videos of how to break into our bike, and about 5 people coming by and failing to help us, we decided to try and contact mikey or max to help us out. It was about 1:30am and after about 6 tries, max finally answered, thank fucking god. I tried to keep him on the phone, explaining to him the mild emergency, and thank god about a half hour later, mikey and he pulled up and took us back. After a long, exhausting evening, we slumbered into the night, gearing up for the next days journey to kuala lampur for my visa extention.

Last last lastly, we had a fun experience one evening that is particularly worth noting. We were starting to explore a bit of intimacy one evening and as we got a little deeper into it, my earing got caught in her nose ring and karla and i got stuck for like five minutes cause our faces were so close together that we couldnt see how to undo it. it killed me and heres some evidence belowww

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wewontliveforeversomakeitworthit · 7 years

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My Story

Hi, my name is Lisa and I am an alcoholic. My sobriety date is January 3rd 2017 I have a home group, love and service in Rochester NY, i have a sponsor, i have a service position and I am currently working the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Today I shared at the forensics unit at our psych center and nothing came out right and i didn’t actually know how to share my story so I’m going to try to gather my thoughts and share it on here before my next share. I grew up in what would appear to be just a totally normal middle class home in Henrietta NY. I have 4 older sisters and 2 incredibly loving amazing supportive and sometimes absolutely insane parents. While i was growing up I felt exactly how alot of people say that they did too, i felt different, left out and not good enough for anybody. In elementary school I was already a compulsive liar, telling people that i had boyfriends and stupid stuff like that. I turned to food to hide my feelings and to hide myself and that turned into me being bullied for being over weight. And even from that young age i took the things that those people said to me straight to heart and it was gospel and they were right, I was fat, i had awful acne, i was ugly and nobody would ever love me because of my appearance. I decided I wanted to lose that weight when i was going into 8th grade and I lost some of it and was actually pretty normal for the most part at that time. I then thought i was completely in love with a guy in 8th grade who was also my best friend and we hung out over that winter break and i thought something was going to happen, like obviously we were going to be in love and get married but instead he told me that he didn’t want me in that way, turns out hes actually gay now but it sent me on a downward spiral into mental illness that was lurking in the shadows of my life since I could think. I developed anorexia and starved myself every day until i got down to about 100lbs, my family and I went on vacation and being around them i wasn’t able to eat (well not eat) the way that I was. I cried every single night on that vacation because of how utterly disgusted with myself i was. I then came home and developed bulimia because the control of the starving was completely gone. But the night that boy told me he didn’t want me, something else happened. I drank, it was NYE at my sisters house and I was 14 years old, her friends asked me if i wanted a drink and god did i want a drink. I wanted to feel the careless joy the people around me were feeling. They made the mistake of showing me where their green tea vodka was and i started drinking and didn’t stop until it was gone. I remember while i was drinking that something inside of me started to change, i wasn’t shy and concerned with what other people were thinking of me anymore, i didn’t care at all about anything. I remember my tongue and my cheeks getting numb and i was on cloud nine. After that night i was too preoccupied with my ED to give a fuck about drinking or drugging until bulimia came into play. I started snorting adderall so that i wouldnt eat and that went on through ninth grade until i went to program for my eating disorder and those people saved me from dying from that disease. But after i got out of that program, life got real. I had about a year of decent normalcy but at the beginning of my junior year things started to progress. I started to not give a shit about school at all, i started skipping classes and going to parties on weekends and drinking whenever it was an option for me. I started dating guys who were really just not good people and i had only one friend. We went out when we could but it never dawned on me that I was drinking any differently than any of the other kids i was around because really I wasn’t but the way it was affecting me and the way i was thinking about it was COMPLETELY different from those kids. They would stop drinking so they could drive home or they literally had DD’s but to be honest i dont remember much about those couple of years. I graduated highschool early because i hated literally everyone and i was convinced that they all hated me and judged me because most of the time they did. In my senior year i started using the tinder app and i would go over to random guys houses and meet them and every time that happened id get to drink, in my bio it even said “alcohol enthusiast”. boy was i wrong. I thought it was normal to do what i was doing, i really didnt think twice about it. Meeting these guys and being able to get black out drunk and then maybe sleep with them just seemed like a normal thing to do. Until my parents started asking questions about where i was going and why there were alcohol containers in my car and i would lie and say they were someone elses but theyre not stupid they knew they were mine. Things slowed down a little while i was in my first couple semesters of nursing school, i still drank but just on weekends with my boyfriend at the time and his roommates, and i thought i was drinking normally but i guess blacking out and starting fights on purpose because of your drinking isn’t neccesarily normal. I wouldn’t walk around the park ave area with him at night time unless he wanted to drink and that became a norm for me. I needed a drink if i was going to do anything at all, go to the movies? drink. hang out with literally anyone? drink. watching some tv? drink. While my boyfriend at the time went on vacation for christmas i decided to go to a party because if i saw anything about anyone drinking on social media i was on top of it, i made sure i had a way to get drunk whenever and i went to that party and i did cocaine for the second time in my life. the first time i really dont remember much but it was before i had met Kenny. So he went away and I went to a harmless party and kept my drinks near me like they were my children. I heard they were doing shots downstairs and i went down there and took probably 7 tequila shots in a row and blacked out, i came too when i started doing lines and by the time it was 7am i was calling him asking him to help me. That was a thing of mine, was to get drunk one place and then message or text as many people as possible to help me because i needed to go somewhere else or do something else because i didn’t want the fun to end. I kept on drinking the way i was drinking but because of how sick and awful i had felt i didn’t touch drugs again for a little while but i did wind up finding them again. but then all of a sudden over the summer of last year, shit hit the fan. I was drinking every single night and one night i went and hungout with a guy i had met probably on tinder and he said he needed to stop by a friends house for a birthday gift and i was like oh yeah ok cool, turns out his friend was the supplier for the whole town he lived in and she offered me some and i actually said no. i scolded him for his awful decision making and we went to Durand beach to get drunk and by the end of that night i had at some point asked if i could have some of his drugs so that i could safely drive home and obviously he said yes and then life went crazy. i went back to durand with that same person but met a whole bunch of other people and some how met a small group of people another time on that night and i wish i had clearer details but i was really a black out drinker and i wouldnt come to unless i had something else in my system. So we met this other smaller group of people and my life changed. some how i started attracting people who had what i thought i needed and wanted and id switch back and forth between these peoples houses getting free drinks and drugs and staying up for days at a time and not coming home and moving from job to job trying to keep my head above water. I wouldn’t stop thinking about being able to get the next drink or drug. Id go to morning classes after not sleeping in two days and be completely strung out or just not go at all. I got to a point where i couldnt drink without putting a drug in my system and i tried. I tried to stop myself from getting too drunk by switching drinks or not having as many and i was convinced i didn’t have a problem because i didn’t drink during the day so i clearly wasn’t an alcoholic. I would try to drink around people who didn’t approve of me doing drugs and i still somehow managed to go from house to house to house getting drinks and drugs until there was nothing left. One night i was at a house with all of these people i had been drinking and drugging with who i thought i really was just living the life with and i went upstairs and had a panic attack. I wanted to go home because something in me created a feeling that told me i no longer belonged there. So after 3 days of not being home and countless cries for help to my therapist and other people i called my parents at 4am and told them i was coming home and sobbing i told them i needed to talk to them. That night i told them about what i had been doing and got myself an intake appointment for outpatient. And i still at that point thought i probably only had a drug problem and that it wasn’t the drinking. i really didnt think it was the drinking. But once i started outpatient, i couldnt for life of me stay sober but i wanted it i really did. and when i tell you that night i went home that i was desperate for help i mean i wanted to die. i spent so many days of coming down just praying for god to take my life because truly i couldn’t live it anymore. Times id come home so sick and dehydrated my mom would have to run IV’s through me and id lay on that bathroom floor wishing it would all just end. I had known about AA but it was introduced to me through a girl in my outpatient and she told me she was going to a meeting and i told her i wanted to go. I had just relapsed for what would be the last time and i wanted to be sober more than anything and i couldn’t handle the constant relapses. My first AA meeting was wits end when it was upstairs at Rosedale and i was not buying any of it. I was convinced that all those young people car pooling were getting drunk directly after the meeting and that they were all just liars and fakes. I was texting someone ABOUT getting drunk at that meeting but luckily nobody would comply because on that Sunday i went to a womens meeting in fairport and i felt so engulfed with love and acceptance it was incredible. These women gave me a coin and hugged me and even though they talked about god they were something i hadnt experienced in a long time and that was happy without needing a drink or a drug to do it. I was handed that 24 hour coin and I decided maybe I’d do a couple more of these meeting things but i wouldn’t get involved like they were. My friend and i started going to a 5:30 meeting that was mostly old people or people off the street who were drunk but i stuck around for long enough to meet Pat and he was the FIRST person i heard share within my 2 months of meetings that i could actually relate to and for the first time i went up and talked to someone after they spoke and i told him how much i related and he told me to go to his home group Love and Service and that he wanted to introduce me to someone and that someone turned out to be my sponsor. I had no idea what i was doing and i knew that if i didn’t start to actually do something other than meetings that i was going to drink again and i didn’t want that for myself anymore. So my sponsor and i didnt even discuss her sponsoring me it just happened and she told me to get phone numbers and find a home group and a service position and it took me a couple weeks but i did it. meanwhile, my friend who introduced me to AA asked me if i was calling my sponsor every day and i was like uhhhh what do you mean call her everyday?????? and my friends like yeah duh thats like an unspoken aa rule and i called my sponsor right after that i was like OMG IM SO SORRY I DIDNT KNOW I WAS SUPPOSED TO CALL YOU EVERY DAY. Mostly i just didn’t have any idea how the hell to communicate with people anymore without being drunk. My social awkwardness was at level 100 and im still working on that lol. but we met up and she started to pray and she said “hey god” in the beginning of the prayer like he was just a friend and i was like oh good i got a crazy one idk how well this is gunna workout. but she started taking me through the book and something else changed, i started to grow. this is the longest ive ever done literally anything in my life and it has changed my life drastically already even just at almost 6 months sober. Today I have a full time job that i actually go to every day, today I’m able to be a daughter, a sister, a friend. Today I am learning who i am and how to deal with life on lifes terms and im becoming patient and im just in this constant growth and its absolutely amazing. I’ve found a higher power that i dont understand at all but I know its there and im able to learn things about myself every day and get called out when i’m wrong and just begin to actually live and its amazing. I’m still a work in progress but I am so beyond grateful to be here. Thank you

#AA #Alcoholics Anonymous #my story #12 steps #god #recovery #rediscovery #learning #life

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qgaje8wz-blog · 5 years

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home insurance quote amica

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :PROTECTIONQUOTES.NET

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mytechnologyinfo · 5 years

Text

An Awesome LOVE STORY

Could you remember vashu(name of a guy)?

Yeah... He is the one who has fullfilled his sisters's last wish.

Rekha married praveen and both are working as a government doctor.

In vashu's home (conversation between him and servant ravi).

Vashu: Ravi anna

Ravi:Yeah vashu, Tell me my dr son!!!

Vashu: I will be late today so u will go to your home early and dont prepare anything for me as i am having some work outside anna.

Ravi:Ok vashu..

Ravi is 30 yrs old.Ravi is the person who knows completely about vashu and his past.Vashu didnt treat ravi as servant and he used to think him as brother and always keep on sharing about his happiness and also sadness.Now Ravi had a doubt that why was vashu sad? Will vashu go to meet vasanthi? why was he hiding his problems??

Want to know about vasanthi?????

Vashu went to his office.He couldn't concentrate on his work and he said to his sub-collecter that he would see the files on monday.

He was eagerily waiting for evening and he forgot to have his lunch too. He was slightly closed his eyes and remembered his old incidents with vasanthi.

He was hearing vasanthi words that "Vashu, u are the worst person in this world.....Dont come in front of my eyes once again. You are such an idiot. I don't want to meet u once again ..." then suddenly vashu opened his eyes and wiped his tears.

After 2 yrs, vasanthi came to chennai from US.She used to visit lskshmi temple on friday evening and she updated his facebook status also that she would visit her favorite temple after a long while ,so vashu is eagerily waiting for evening.

At 5:30, vashu has started from office. He asked his driver to take a car to home . After college days, Vashu has started to drive his bike and remembering his golden moments in college with his friends and loved one's.

When he was studying at first year in college, he had some close friends circle ravi, kalai ,rakesh and vasanthi.The special friend of vashu is always vasanthi because she is the one who can be humble at tough situations too.The gang of vasanth became close at the end of first year. Vasu is next roll number of vasanthi. More over vasu is the topper of the college and vasanthi used to get atleast one arrear per year.

��Kalai is the girl who used to criticise others always.She don't like vasanthi but also she used to act like that she was close friend of vasanthi.

Kalai likes vashu and they both are schoolmates too, but vashu dont know that kalai would destroy his dream.

What has kalai done? Why did vasanthi refuse to marry vashu???

During Second year, Industrial Visit had planned by their professors.

Vasanthi : Hi vashu....going to Bangalore for IV??.

Vashu : Yeah .Planned to go...what about u vasanthi...

Kalai: no vashu...vasanthi cant come as some function in her home... we will go.

vasanthi: i would like to come with our friends...dont know what to do but sorry....actually i wanted

kalai: Its okay vasanthi..We will go one more time.

Vashu: One minute kalai..Let her speak with her dad first...Is it important function vasanthi?

Vasanthi: No vashu..My dad's business deal party

(kalai's happiness changed due to vasanth. Vashu forced vasanthi to come for a trip.She cant show angriness frankly .She had a doubt that are vashu and vasanthi more than friends)

Kalai: Ok vashu..bye.let us go

Vasanthi: Bye vashu..text u once i reached.

(kalai has seen vasanthi's reaction while she said bye to vashu.They both started to walk )

Kalai: Vasanthi..now a days ...are you hidding something from me????.

Vasanthi:No kalai...what happened??? why??? What did you mean?

Kalai: Let's time come..i will say ,but don't believe anyone blindly.

Vasanthi: Kalai...tell me yaar... really i didnt get from you..

Kalai: lets go on.see you tomorrow..bye.

(vasanthi didnt understand kalai's wordings and just she went to catch her bus.Kalai was so disturbed because she didnt like the behaviour of vashu with vasanthi. )

Did vasanthi enjoy a trip? what has kalai done???

After reaching home, Kalai was so sad . She didnt like that vashu was forcing vasanthi to come for a trip.

kalai didnt get sleep at night.She was thinking to make a plan for breaking vashu and vasanthi's friendship.Next day ,They have arrived to college. Kalai was watching vashu's conversation with vasanthi.

vashu didnt even notice that kalai was sitting near by vasanthi.He started to speak with vasanthi.

Vashu: Hi vasanthi...What have u decided yaar?

Vasanthi: I think so that i would come vashu.

Vashu: K..then i will add your name in the list

Vasanthi: wait ..dont add now..i will update u tomorrow

Vashu: No way, I have added ,so u cant even take other decision..

(vasanthi liked the way that vashu has spoken with her but kalai cant tolerate those conversation..Her angry level has reached till sky)

vasanthi: then your wish

vashu: Thanks mam...By the way ...where is kalai?

Kalai: Ho...what a blind man you are !!!!! can't u see me??? silly question vashu...

Vashu: sorry kalai...just kidding yaar....I have seen you...are u happy now about my decision???

kalai: yeah...felt very happy.then what else..

vashu: will u always be with vasanthi???

kalai: why??? if i would be with vasanthi....what's your problem man???

vashu: nothing mam...simply asked

(His mind voice told that that's the biggest problem idiot)

kalai: Ho Ho....lets see....what a word nothing....means ...

vashu: go and search the meaning of nothing in dictionary kalai...he he he

(His laugh was irritated to kalai)..

Kalai: I can't read your mind dictionary man....

(vasanthi interrupted and told)...

vasanthi: hoi....today am i the topic for you people??? lets go to lab..else discuss some other things....not about me

(Kalai has felt so bad .Now she got to know that vashu liked vasanthi.but kalai wanted to marry vashu at any situation.Her mind had full of thoughts to break their friendship.She had a plan for tomorrow to start the problem between vashu and vasanthi)

The next day, kalai went to college so early and she has written some love letter with x-name and kept it in vasanthi's place.

Vasanthi has arrived to college and she has taken that letter then started to read ...

(kalai was sitting next to her and she was laughing inside)

" Dear Vasanthi,

I am your collegemate.I dont want to mention my name but i have to tell something that ..." I like you".I wanted to give so much surprises to you thats the reason i didnt mention my name...Bye....".

kalai has started to tease her . Vashu arrived the college at the same time. Vasanthi has called vashu and fought with him without a reason.

Vasanthi: Hi vashu...come here..

Vashu: Yeah came mam...are u angry on someone?

Vasanthi: Did u write any letter for anyone??

vashu: Why??? what happened???

Vasanthi: First answer my question...

Vashu: K..No...now tell me..

Vasanthi: I am asking frankly...Did u write love letter to me?

(His mind voice told that "yeah vashu !!! use this time...what ever inside the love letter..nothing a matter...but tell...yeah it has written by u...dont give opportunity to think about someone by telling no)

Vashu: Its me ...Nothing wrong in that.

(Kalai didnt expect these situations ,she thought that vasanthi might be busy to find that person...then kalai thought to gossip about her activities to vashu..now everything has reversed in a second..)

Kalai has interrupted...

Kalai: Vashu...is it u???Don't play with her..just tell man

Vashu: Kalai!!! Its me only yaar....Put your specs and see....you just be quiet kalai.

Vasanthi: How can i like u???

vashu: Why??? Whats the problem with me???

Kalai: Everything is a problem man...

Vashu: Ho..Thanks kalai ...U answer my question vasanthi not your friend...

(Kalai again felt bad)

Vasanthi: U don't know how to write a love letter and how to maintain a suspense then what man????

Vashu: Is it you vasanthi??? U dont worry ....see my performance regarding writing love letter then decide.

(Thousands of butterfly was flying in his head and Millions of snake was bitting in kalai's ear due to those conversation)

Vasanthi : Expecting your letter on tomorrow then i will decide.

(vasanthi accepted his proposal and chumma playing with vashu)

Kalai:K...bye...I am leaving now

Vashu: U come on kalai...sorry yaar... today i want to give u big treat as u r my well-wisher

(Kalai mind voice scolded him very badly.Idiot... if i wrote...u can propose... u fool... dont have sense etc)

Kalai: No thanks..Why i want to be in between you both??? You people enjoy the day.

Vasanthi: Hey kalai...nothing is going in between us my dr...U are always my first and best friend dear.

Vashu: kk....come lets go to canteen .

Kalai: its k..U people carry on.I want to go to home .

Vasanthi: Why are u leaving so early kalai???

Kalai: My mom asked me to come early so.

Vasanthi: Vashu, can you drop her??

Vashu: I will ask raja to drop her.He also planned to go to home for lunch.

Kalai: No thanks..I can go ..Bye...

(Kalai has reached home and was crying loudly inside her room by opening the water tab. )

Vasanthi scolded vashu that she is our friend so u couldnt ask someone to drop.You should got to drop her else you should be quiet.

What will kalai do now?Will she take a big revenge???

Kalai thought to be quiet for some days, but she can't be quiet because she wanted to know what would vashu write a love letter for vasanthi? Will vasanthi show that letter to kalai? Will they meet on every weekends ? etc running in her head.Her bad luck that Weekend has come so, she could get answer for all questions on monday only.

Usually she used to watch some movie with her sister at friday night.Her sister called her to celebrate the weekend arrival.Kalai refused to see and she shouted her sister unwantedly then she went to sleep. Her mind was not allowing her to sleep.She was remembering those incidents very badly. She got up from bed and she has assumed that pillow as vashu and she started to shout," Hoi idiot man...Stupid...Didnt u have sense" and she started to beat that pillow. The sound has reached till hall. Her mom, dad and sister came and stood behind window and they were watching kala's activities.

Then she has assumed the same pillow now as vasanthi and shouted..." Hare Madam ji...No one in that college will write a letter for u except vashu...wow idiot...stupid etc..." She started to beat again pillow.Her parents didnt know what kalai was doing now? But they have laughed loudly.Kalai has realised that everyone was there at window.

She shouted at them madly " What happened to you? Why are you people standing here?". Her parents replied that ," Are u mad kalai???'. Her parents are kind-hearted and they like vasanthi much.Kalai thought not to tell anything regarding vashu and vasanthi so suddenly she changed her face reaction and told that," Dad!!! I will go to act one drama during Industrial Visit so practising now". They have belived her words and they went to watch the movie but her sister asked," Hoi...Now u are doing drama with our parents..they can believe but i wont...tell me kalai".

Kalai got angry then she replied,"You are younger than me...you keep quiet idiot...I will assume u as pillow then i will beat.. go to hell else i will call dad". Her sister replied," In future your hubby is very unlucky or pity to have a mad wife like you". Kalai ran behind her to beat and somehow she escaped from kalai.

Kalai again tried to sleep.She didnt get sleep so she also went to watch movie for sometime. In that movie, hero used to text heroine at 12:00 pm etc.... So kalai assumed vashu and vasanthi as that movie lovers. When ever, Villan part will come..kalai used to clap and encourage the villan.Her sister and parents got laugh and her father asked " Will you play villan role kalai in that drama".

Kalai replied yeah dad..Main Villan,...(Her mind voice told real villan).Her mother told that villan part is too difficult dear.Her sister replied that" Mom and dad...come on...she dont want to act....Her reality remains the same mom..so its not difficult for her to act..she can live in that villan part...Ha ha ha...".Kalai has shouted at her sister and she went to bed again.

Kalai texted to vasanthi at 12:00pm from new number...Hi vasanthi...but reply didnt come from vasanthi...so again kalai texted that hi this is x person but that x-person is not vashu..he has told lie.... u should find me..All the best..if u want ,check with him"...

Kalai was waiting for her reply and slept...

Will vasanthi get angry on vashu?

Vashu has suddenly got the sound that this was not a parking place from temple security. He had just remembered his past for a while and came to know that he had reached the temple.

Even he was a collector, he didnt show that attitude and he went to park his bike in parking area and waiting in a queue to go inside the temple.His eyes was searching for vasanthi .

One girl came out of the car and she wore green colour saree with full traditional look.That's no one !!! Vashu's vasanthi. But vashu didnt notice her. He was searching here and there. Vasanthi saw that vashu was in the queue.

Vasanthi didnt want her to speak first. She also followed in a same queue.Vasanthi felt happy inside, Her eyes was watching vashu continuously.They both went inside the temple.

Vashu turned back and noticed the girl who was watching him continuously. He just realised that's vasanthi. His eyes filled of tears and his voice didnt come out to call vasanthi. He has felt some pain inside him.

Vasanthi noticed that and She started ...

Vasanthi: Hi vashu. How r u man?

Vashu: Yeah vasanthi...fine..How about you???

Vasanthi: Yeah doing good...How is Rekha sis ??

Vashu: She is fine mam..How about your parents???

Vasanthi: Fine then...Married???

Vashu: (His mind voice badly scolded her that idiot...stupid...what ac hilly question ???) No..How about you???

Vasanthi: No... but waiting for a guy who should love me only...that too truely...

Vashu: Ho... U didnt find that guy till now vasanthi?????

Vasanthi: Yeah man.. Lies were around me so..

Vashu: Yeah correct vasanthi...then what else

(Vashu felt inside hurt very badly...He was hiding his emotions and told himself that he was not the reason for anything...why cant u understand vasanthi).

Vasanthi: Nothing..Then how is your lover kalai??? Is everything going good???

Vashu: K enough. Stop it. Dont irritate me..

Vasanthi: Ho.. are u be in relationship with someone else??? Left kalai??? Pity girl who dont know about you.

(Vasanthi felt bad inside but also she cant digest the incident that happened during final year, still she is loving vashu but didnt express her love, because angry came out instead of affection )

Vashu: Yeah.. I am cheating 1000 girls per year..Get lost

Vasanthi: You dont have rights to shout on me...go to hell.

She has told and went back.Both were cried and Vashu has reached the home, He has parcelled one diary to vasanthi's home which had all the true incidents about kalai. That dairy is kalai's diary, Kalai's friend had given that to vashu to save vasanthi's relationship.

What that diary has??? WIll vasanthi read??? Will she realise about vashu???

Vasanthi reached home and felt very bad.

The next day morning, diary has arrived to vasanthi's home. She received that diary along with a letter.

In that letter,

"Hi Vasanthi,

This is vashu. Please read the diary then realise the truth. Don't believe anything blindly. I know that you have gone to US because of angry on me.

I never blame about kalai or anyone other than me. Its our problem. You should find the solution for the problem. Last chance for me.

Please read this. If you dont want to read, just fire the diary which consists the truth. It was written by kalai who is having the habit of writing diary.Its not mine so ,I think u can read."

After reading the letter, Vasanthi didnt feel good. She didnt have passions to read from first, so she directly opened the last page.

Last page had that:

" Yahoooo.....I proved myself..Well done Kalai....Now vashu is fully belonging to the one and only kalai...No one can seperate us...Vasanthi idioty..Let her go as mad....

Now I am the person who is near by vashu...Vashu also cant predict the truth...

Its the great of kalai....No one can but I can....".

After reading the last page, Vasanthi cried a lot . She cant believe herself. She want to read fully.

She thought to read it tonight without any disturbance.

At the same time, kalai came to know that vasanthi returned from US. Kalai was working as a lecturer in the college. Still she wanted to marry vashu. She didnt know that her diary was with vashu and she thought that she had missed some where in the train.

Kalai thought that she never give opportunity to vasanthi to meet vashu. What would happen??? Will vasanthi take revenge on kalai???

Vasanthi had dinner with her parents and she went to her room at 8 'O' clock itself. Her mom noticed her from morning then Her mom told vasanthi's dad that vasanthi was disturbed by someone. Vasanthi was the only daughter to them , so they have worried about her.

Vasanthi switched off her light and she turned on the table light only for diary and she has started to read from first.

Diary:

" This is kalai..Yeah...Its me...I started to write this because of vashu....

Vashu is the one who is sitting near by me during my 11th standard. He is such an idiot who used to pull my hairs and make me laugh during class hours, so teacher used to think me as bad student and he used to act as very good student in the class.

At first , I thought him as a rich guy who doesnt know any importance about life. But once Rekha sis came to my school to meet vashu. I cant forget that day. Vashu called me and introduced me as a friend, he didnt introduce anyone other than me. I thought her as a own sister of vashu.

Rekha sister wanted to stay one day with me because her train would be on next day. So we have gone to temple and restaurant at evening then vashu dropped us to my home and he returned to his hostel with tears. I didnt get why he has cried. I didnt see once also his sad face. I felt very bad inside me without a reason. Rekha sis also cried for a while.

After reaching home, I introduced her to my parents and my sis then I made her to fresh up. I have given our guest room to her to sleep. But I had so many questions inside my mind. I have gone to her room at near by 10:30. She is not in the room , so i went to terrace to search her.

I saw her holding some photos and deeply crying. I went near by her ,she hugged me and started to cry more. Because that's the day of vashu's sis and father has passed away. One year happened. She has told about shalini who is vashu's sis and also rekha's close friend. After hearing, about their death due to fire accident in their home town. I also cried like a mad.

Rekha sis consoled me and asked me "is vashu doing good and how about his studies ?". I told her that he is the one who used to be always the top ranker in our school. He never told about his family. Rekha sis told that he is such an awesome guy who used to hide his pain from inside, make others to smile as a wide.

I made rekha sis to sleep. I went back to my room. I felt myself as a new. I dont know why. Why have i cried for vashu???

My mind is having so many questions. I just waiting for a morning to meet vashu. I felt to go to his hostel right now but its 12:00 clock. As a girl, i cant go out of my home at this time.I didnt get sleep too.

I have to share this new thing to someone or have to take a chance to record it thats the reason i have started to write this diary.The very next day, I wore the vashu's favorite color (blue) dress and Rekha sister also got ready for a train. She told bye to everyone in my home and we both started together from home to bus stop. Vashu came to bus stop to pick rekha sis in his bike. He asked me to go to class and he will drop her at station.

I didnt agree for that ..So rekha sis has taken auto for us and vashu has followed the auto by his bike.Train has arrived and rekha sis got into train. When train is about to leave , Vashu holded rekha sis's hand and told that be happy sis..I am alright..I will become an IAS as per shallu's wish.

I have impressed like anything..I want to hold his hand but i cant do anything right now. So i have expected him that he would take me in his bike because once he told that he will take only his future life partner in his bike not everyone...so i expected but waste fellow..stupid...idiot..he made me to travel in bus and he followed me by his bike.

Anyhow i like him...his honesty...now on wards vashu is kalai's ...He never be anyone else's"

" After reaching the classroom, vashu was too busy for preparing final 11th board examination. But i am not in the situation to study. My mind had so many questions inside at that time. We had study holidays for preparing exams.I didnt even concentrate on studies and didnt utilise study holidays at home , so i used to go to school and i made vashu also to come to school to clear my doubts.

Exams had arrived. We wrote the examination and Holidays are very less for 11th standard due to 12th classes. We got only 7 days as holidays.Vashu went to chennai to meet rekha sis. My parents had taken me and my sis to my grandma's home.

After arriving my hometown, I had felt very bored. My grandma(Vani) started a conversation between me and my sister(suguna)

Vani: Hello Kalai...U have grown up my child looking pretty too....

Kalai: Is it so??? thats sweet of my grandma..Thanks...

Suguna: I want to order one good specs to you my dr grannie ....!

Kalai: I know suguna...Burnning smell came out from your stomach..

Vani: See my drs...You both are very beautiful...Be friendly manner drs...

(Suguna starred at kalai.They used to fight like anything at home. They cant fight right now because they were in relations home)

Suguna: Yeah....I will obey your words grannie...but i dont know about her ....

Kalai: Lets see.

Vani: Ok...Leave this topic..Suguna u go and play with your friends...

Suguna: Ok grannie..Take care of your pretty elder grand daughter..Keep her safe in cupboard.

(Kalai got angry and she started to run behind to catch suguna, but some how suguna escaped from that place)

Vani: Funny girls...

Kalai: Ok grannie..What else..

Vani: Be aware of 12th standard dear because it will decide your future.

Kalai: Yeah sure my dr grannie..Vashu is there know

Vani: Who is vashu? What do you mean???

(Kalai mistakenly mentioned about vashu..Her grandma reaction has changed .)

Kalai: Grannie..I meant Vashuki...My school friend who used to be first always...She is my close friend.

Vani: Ho...Ok my dr child...Be aware of guys..concentrate on studies..U should be always first .

Kalai: Yeah ji...as per your wish...I will try my level best."

Diary Continues

"Two days in my holidays had gone , out of seven days ,but i had thought that two days as two years. I didnt know what to do. I were totally upset while counting remaining days. My sis and parents were enjoying like anything.

Third day had started. I had gone mad.I didnt bring vashu (or) rekha sis number with me and i didnt have any of my schoolmates number too. My mom has noticed me and identified the sadness on my face.

She asked me that what happened to u kalai?. I have replied "Nothing mom but..... boring here".. My sis replied that " U r idiot kalai...Dont be stupid..We love to spend our holidays in our village right ...that too we used to count the days for long leave...". I shouted at her like," Be quiet suguna...I am not speaking with u ". My mom consoled me and asked my sis to go to watch TV.

My mom told that my dad had planned to return to home back due to his business deal and she asked me to join if i want. Without thinking, I said immediately yes to my mom.My mom didnt expect that and she predicted something went wrong with me. I understood by my mom's reaction.

I hugged my mom and said "Nothing to worry mom, i am in the situation to decide my higher studies because only one year will be there, So only little tension and forget to bring book too...so only agreed to go to home with dad".My mom agreed with me and my grandma was very happy due to my explanation.

They have packed so many things to eat for me and my dad. My grandma had kissed on my forehead and said " I am very happy about you kalai, while coming to know about interest on your studies" then she said bye to me and my dad . We both got inside the car.

I have laughed at myself while thinking about beautiful lies to my mom and my grandma. I have told myself that," Yeah more responsiblity kalai not on studies but on future with vashu....". I laughed loudly too and my dad asked "What happened kalai???".

I didn't know what to tell. I told "no dad nothing...simply.".My dad didnt ask much about that. I was just waiting to reach home soon and wanted to dail to vashu .I just open the car window and enjoying the nature and i never done this thing before and some songs also playing in my mind..

My dad forced me to close the window to switch on AC...but i refused to close, even i got scoldings from dad..

I didnt even know how i passed 6 hours in a car..."...

Diary Continues

As soon as we reached home, my dad forced me to have dinner so i had eaten and i were waiting my dad to go to sleep, but my bad luck that my dad was preparing some presentation for tomorrow's business meeting and he was asking me to go to sleep.

We were having only one telephone which was in the hall and i didnt have any mobile to call to vashu. The time was near by 9:30 and I fed up off sitting in hall , so i went inside my room. Our telephone was ringing at that time. I thought that the call was from my mom and i asked my dad to pick the call. My dad has shouted at me that the phone was for you idiot, come and speak. I have shocked, because the call was from vashu.......

Me: Hai, Vashu..How are you?

Vashu: Yeah kalai...fine..how about u...

(inside i felt very happy)

Me: Yeah good...then

(i didnt know what to speak)..

Vashu: Yeah great time happened in my life...

Me: Is it so???? What's that great time???

Vashu: U r the first person to share this happiness as a friend..

Me: Really....ho great...Tell me yaar..

Vashu: Actually....You should not think me as bad...

(I felt very happy that he will tell something to me...I would be waiting from other end of the receiver to tell yeah.. me too)

Me: Yeah vashu...tell ....dont give much surprise as i cant wait so long....

Vashu: Actually...I had met one girl at chennai...

Me: Who is she??? what happened???

( Angry came inside from me but i hided)

Vashu: Yeah kalai...She is vasanthi...Rekha's sis cousin...what a girl she is???

Me: then what else....

Vashu: How is the name combination of vashu and vasanthi????

Me: Yeah not bad..

( I almost cried by hearing this)

Vashu: She is the one who make me to laugh almost around 2 hrs kalai..such an idiot girl...you know one more thing...

Me: Yeah tell me..

Vashu: Actually ..she came to rekha sis home and she didnt notice me...she thought that no one was in that hall...she tried so many cute reactions and some fashion shows in front of the mirror..almost one hour she had done...i just standing behind the door and observed her childness kalai...

Me: Okay then...

( I cant hear thosse conversation from vashu)

Vashu: Yeah...i decided to propose her...

Me: Think and do...but not now

Vashu: Why kalai? am i doing any wrong...

(Actually i dont want him to propose to any other girl other than me)

Me: First focus on your 12th board exams then u will tell...

Vashu: Yeah that too correct....so only u r my best friend always for suggesting good ideas..One more thing kalai ...

Me: Yeah vashu..

Vashu: Rekha sis introduced her as a dull student like u kalai and she asked me to teach some syllabus for 12th board exams thats the reason vasanthi came to rekha sis home...

Me: ho.. is it??? kk all the best teacher...'

( Rekha sis also became one kind of enemy to me because she introduced that vasanthi idioty).

Vashu: Anyhow i will make her to pass 12th exams and i will join the same college where she will join...

Me: Okay fine...getting sleep...call u tomorrow...

After cutting the call, I have cried a lot...".

Diary Continues

"After his call, i were not feeling like to speak with him, Holidays had gone and our school also reopened.

This time, I changed my place . I sat with priya . During lunch break, vashu had a spicy conversation with me..

Vashu : Hi kalai mam??? how r u???

Me: Fine then...

Vashu: I want to show you one thing..

Me: Is it??? whats that???

Vashu: See this photo...

(I had seen the photo and the girl wore pink chudi and she looks cute, I predicted that she is vasanthi...I want to throw that photo outside the window)

Me: Ho...your lover vasanthi??

Vashu: Yeah...My dream girl...How is she???

(I have scolded him and wanted to slap him also , i supposed to tell that u r such an idiot but i didnt)

Me: Yeah ...not bad...

Vashu: Hello madam...She is the most beautiful girl...girls never say that other girls are beautifiul except themselves..I know..

Me: Ho...she is average ...nothing more than that

Vashu: For me...she is one of the most beautiful girl...no one else

(I cried inside but hided from him)

Me: Its k...Does she love you???

Vashu: No..first she called me as a bro...i scolded her and make her to call me as vashu.

(I felt like flying because one side love from vashu...i am sure that i could stop their's conversation by doing something)

Me: ho... Let's see bro...then..

Vashu: i will join the same college where she joins...my target is that onlyas of now..

Me: Ho ...Ho she is dull student right then..how is it possible ???

Vashu: She can't join in the merit colleges but i can join easily in her college..

Me: its not worth vashu??? Remember Rekha sis words...

Vashu: Hello madam ji...studying in a non-merit college doesn't a matter but how are we studying??? that's the matter..

(I thought that i will also join the same college)

Me: ok ...then bye...

(Again he pulled my hair )

Me: What???

Vashu: Nothing..you changed your place right so i didnt have opportunity to tease you from morning so..

Me: Stupid..bye..go to hell... classes will start shortly...

" Diary Continues

I started to concentrate on my studies and also Vashu was damn sincere about his studies.

One year passed so early. We had written our exams well and also waiting for the board exam results.

Asusual vashu went to meet rekha sis and also vasanthi and i were back to my grandma's home for holidays.

This time i had received a call from vashu and he was very sad that he didnt get a chance to meet vasanthi but, i were very happy .

Result came . Vashu got state rank , i have passed my higher studies with 80% and vasanthi passed her studies with 70%. As vasanthi parents didnt expect that she would pass so they were very happy about her scores.They came to know about vashu whom helped for vasanthi's studies. So her family became very close to vashu which made me very upset.

Vashu rejected all merit colleges and he joined the same private college where vasanthi joined so i also pushed my parent's to obey to join with vashu. Finally my dad agreed with me and my dad got transfer to chennai .

We moved to chennai as my parents didnt agree me to stay in hostel.First year, we had a friends gang and also vashu tried to become close with vasanthi.

I thought that vasanthi never treat him as a lover as she called him as bro at first meeting. Everything had happened in a reverse manner. I thought to divert her by sending the message from unknown number but vashu idiot told that the unknown person was him no one else.

During weekend, again i had sent the message to vasanthi from new number says that "vashu lied to you because this was x-person not vashu" .

I got reply from vasanthi at morning and saying that,

" Yeah ...i knew...

This is not vashu...

anyhow i dont want to know about you..

because i have written vashu's name already in my heart...

you just go out of my life".

I shocked and can't be feel free. I had made a big master plan during my Industrial trip ."

"Diary Continues

I don't know that why did vashanthi fall for vashu???"

During our second year, our industrial trip had planned. I had a great plan to play a innocent role which used to hide my villan face .

One fine friday evening, we started for a trip and everyone got into the bus.I planned to sit next to vashu but that stupid made me to sit with raja then he sat near by vasanthi. I hate those moments in my lifetime . It might take 6 more hours to reach bangalore so i didn't even know what to do...More over i can't watch them. So i had a mind calculations to interrupt them and a big silence in bus.

I have stood and shouted that ," Lets break the silence dear friends...we should have a entertainment till we would reach blore".Raja idiot told that all could watch some thrill movies . That idea made to beat him but vashu suddenly replied to raja that yes.I disagreed and replied them that " couldn't you people get some good ideas other than movie...All could watch movie in their home(or) hostel too...Think differently"..

All were agreed with me and they were happy. I asked them to split as a boys one side and girls another side. Vashu interrupted me and asked for a reason. I knew that he didnt want to miss the chance to sit with vasanthi but i never allow that.I told that its was a competition between the girls and boys where they can sing ,dance and debate. All were eager to participate and i had splitted boys and girls with in a minute.

As soon as i went near by vasanthi and occupied vashu's place. Some villan background music were well-played in my heart and mind.I conducted some small events between boys and girls finally they had a fight regarding winners ao our staff convenienced them and they told to be quiet for sometimes. So suddenly i act like that i slept so no one can wake me up from that place . I were very happy and i didnt even open my eyes till we reached blore.

Once we reached blore. Our HOD told to get down from bus . Vashu had a very spicy look at me. I disappointed both vashu and vasanthi. More of my classmates came as couple ,because of competition which was conducted by me in bus made them enemy for a while.

I remembered my dad words that "Playing villan role is quiet difficult"...But i told myself that i can play easily my dear dad because of vashu....I laughed at myself..."

Diary Continues

Our staffs allocated room for us. I and vasanthi stayed in one room. Vasanthi told that she wanted to take rest for a while.I expected the same situation.After she slept, I had taken her mobile and checked her call history and messages.That vashu stupid sent more than 300 msgs per day . While searching call history, i found the name only vashu.

I got so much angry. Then our staff told to get ready to visit some places in bangalore. All girls planned to wear saree but i refused as i counldn't see the romance of vashu and vasanthi.Vasanthi told our classmates that don't force to kalai ,we would wear.I got shocked and i also agreed to wear saree.

Vasanthi laughed at me. I got ready first and vasanthi started to get ready. Vashu was waiting to see vasanthi and he didnt even give a look at me, when i was in saree. I moved out of the room and sat near by vashu.His eyes were eagrily waiting to see his lover.I cant digest those moments.

Vasanthi came out from the room. She wore a pink color silk saree , free hair, small black sticker , eyes were filled with kajal, light pink color lipstick, long earrings which made her more beautiful, small chain and totally appeared like a bride. But i didnt look that much great as i were not interested to attract anyone. Everyone had a wide look at her. so many boys fell to her. I didnt care for them but vashu also one among them in a queue .

Vashu didnt blink his eyes till i pulled him from chair.He scolded me for my behaviour and he was speechless to vasanthi. I cant see those shyness from vasanthi and romance from vashu.Its all were my fate to tolerate those chilly moments.I wanted to divert those moments.

Suddenly i act that i had some severe headache.I asked my staff that i wanted to stay back in hotel, i requested them to enjoy.But my staff didnt allow me to stay alone ,vasanthi interrupted and said that she could stay with me and if any emergency , she would call them ( i expected those situation that vasanthi would stay).Vashu asked lakshmi (who was one of our classmate) to stay with me but vasanthi didnt agree with vashu as i were very close friend of her.

These and all drama made by me as per my plan. In this drama, i never include anyone except me , vashu and vasanthi because my grandma used to tell that secret is the secret till it will be inside you and you only.Vashu told that he also would stay with us but our staff didnt allow him to stay in hotel. As soon as they left, i went inside my room and i kept some greeting cards and some letters outside which would be easily visible to vasanthi eyes. I act that i slept.

This was the first master plan which would give a small break between vashu and vasanthi"

(Still can't u predict...kindly wait for next epi :-))

"Diary Continues

I closed my eyes very tightly then vasanthi entered inide the room. She noticed those greetings and she took the greetings and started to read,

"Hi Kalai,

This is vashu..You are my close lovabe friend always...Wish u very happy friendship day....

I am very greatful to have a friend like you.

My wish is to be with u always...I like u....I love u too

With love,

Vashu".

Vasanthi cried like anything and she read that letter card too...

" Hi Kalai,

You are one of the most beautiful friend for me...

I never forget u easily ...i love u

With love,

Vashu".

Vasanthi was very upset and she was crying continuously. I thought not to get up immediately.Actually those greetings and letter card was given by vashu during friendship day when we were in eleventh std . He wrote only two lines in that greeting card and one line in letter card and he didnt even tell once also that ,"I like u (or) I love u(or) I need to be with u". These lines were written by me , that's the reason i read the messages from vasanthi's phone to add the similar message in greeting cards.

Slowly i got up from bed and i saw vasanthi with full of anger on me. I really expected those moments but i wanted to make her to believe that vashu loved me. then she asked me ," Are u friend (Or) enemy to me???Why didn't you tell about vashu??? Still i can't belive my eyes". I hugged her and said that ,"See my dear vasanthi, If i tell you also, you won't believe more over i don't have idea to show these greetings to you...Actually i had taken these greetings and read it for a while , but i forget to hide from you vasanthi".Vasanthi shouted on me ,"Are u idiot kalai???why cant u say these before???". As per my plan, I replied that i would like to teach some good lesson to vashu.

Vasanthi replied that yeah...she too join with me in that plan..I were jumping from sky to earth..More Musics were playing on my mind with rythms that ,"Vashu is Kalai's always"....Vasanthi shown the messages which was sent by vashu. She told that he repeated the same msgs to me also as per in your greeting card.

Vasanthi didnt have belief on him." Love should have belief on each other else anyone can play nicely the villan role like me".I advised her to be casual with vashu as per my plan. I told her that you could cheat him like the way he did with me. Without thinking, Vasanthi idioty said yes.

Now i got some relax.I were waiting the arrival of vashu.Vashu stupid didnt get to know these things. All arrived the hotel at evening.Without knowing his fate, he came with bunch of roses to give surprise to vasanthi...

My mind voice said that ,"How romantic my lover??? kalai u r very lucky dear"...but i were also waiting to see vasanthi's reaction..."

"Diary Continues

Vasanthi came out of room.She didnt even look at vashu. I expected those situation but i wanted her to be casual with vashu so, i went near by her and gossiped that you should be normal with vashu as we wanted to teach some good lesson to him.

She agreed with me. Vashu came near by her and given her a bunch of roses with a romantic smile. Vasanthi smiled at him and said thanks to him.Everyone got ready to have a dinner at outside. We had gone a restaurant and vashu tried to sit near by vasanthi but vasanthi pulled me to sit near by her and vashu sat near by me.

Vashu was pending and trying to see vasanthi but she was trying to hide herself from him by using me. I got much angry.I told vashu to sit near by her as i can't eat properly because of them.After had a dinner, all were returned to hotel and my classmates had planned to do fire dance in the hotel terrace.

I loved to dance but vasanthi loved to sing. I knew that vashu also a good dancer. I calculated the plan as soon as they have told about fire dance.The person who don't want to dance, they sat as a audiance , vasanthi also one among them.but pity vashu wanted to show his talent(heroism) to vasanthi as he didn't aware of the things happened around him.

My staffs played the songs. All started to dance and vashu compelled vasanthi also too dance but she didnt. While dancing, I know that he would hold my hand simply in a friendly manner. But vasanthi didn't aware of that. I danced like anything....what i expected that happened...just he hold my hands and left. As per my plan, Vaasanthi seen those things.Suddenly i stopped to dance and made my face so dull then i went to sit near by vasanthi.

Vasanthi idioty holded my hands and said that yeah kalai...I could realise your pain. How idiot vahu was!!! Really i had seen that he holded your hands and left.We should not allow him to hold the hands of one more girl.

I felt very happy. but i didnt speak (Or) reply anything because sometimes over action will destroy entire things.My mind voice replied..." My dear vasanthi....you cant get the man like vashu...so only you dont have hope on him...if the god comes and says wrong about vashu also i never believe idioty".

Vashu was dancing like anything and i loved to watch him but vasanthi went inside the hotel.

The next day was awesome morning to me but bad morning to vasanthi as i didnt expect that...even i couldn''t believe that morning".....

Dairy continues

The very next day was my birthday even i didnt remember. Vashu had arranged the cake cutting at midnight with our college staff permission in hotel. He knocked my room door at 11:55 pm then he tightly closed my eyes . All of our classmates were singing the song that ," Happy Birthday to you kalai .......". I cut the cake and i felt to feed a first bite of a cake to vashu , but i feeded to vasanthi idiot as i wanted to act that she was only the good friend to me.

Vashu had given a card and gift to me and vasanthi presented a watch.I knew that vashu would give card to everyone in our school so i wanted to use these situation also on vasanthi.Vasanthi couldn't tolerate those gifts and all my birthday arragnements from vashu so she left the place immediately with tears.Vashu went behind her and asked for a reason of leaving. She replied that she had a headache.

Everyone went for a sleep at 1:00 am .I went inside the room and vasanthi slept very deeply. I had started to read the card,

"Hi kalai,

You are my best friend...Be happy always and God will bring all happiness throughout your life..

May god bless ...

Great Signning off,

Vashu".

I added the lines that " I miss u ". I kept the card on the bed and slept. As expected, vasanthi read the card and she had thrown into the dustbin. Once i got up, i felt like to slap her as she thrown my hero's card to dustbin.I wanted to take that but i supposed not to do that in front of her.

Vasanthi scolded me not to be nice with vashu and she advised me to be rude with him. I begged her to be normal with vashu to make him realise his mistakes. Today was the last day of our trip and we wanted to visit the Robotics industry . We had gone to industry and learned to do some basic robotics programming code.

We returned to hotel and packed our luggages. Our staff urged us to get into the bus. I made vasanthi to get out from room and go to bus first as i wanted to take the card from dustbin.Once she moved out, i took the card and kept inside my dresses .Vasanthi tried to avoid vashu. Vashu kept his bag near by vasanthi's seat and she asked him to sit with raja. I got into the bus and i found vashu with a dull face.

Vasanthi asked me to sit with her . I didnt want to make my hero's face dull during my birthday. I wanted him to be happy so i requested vasanthi to sit with vashu as i had confidence on vasanthi that she cant be casual (or) romantic with vashu.

Vashu laughed at me and he was happy for a while . Everyone were so tired so all started to sleep except me. I started to notice vashu. Vasanthi slept and vashu closed the window, he was watching her continuously without disturbing her.I had imagined myself as vasanthi at that situation and i felt like flying on the air.

After a while, i came from my imagination and i found that vasanthi was sleeping on vashu's shoulder. I suddenly shouted that ,"No...its not me"..Everyone got up in bus and asked what happened. I replied that sorry!!!!Bad dream....Really very sorry.

All were laughed and Vasanthi realised that she slept on vashu's shoulder and she looked at me harshly. I understood and i asked vashu to sit with raja. We interchanged our place and vasanthi scolded me very badly to made her to sit with vashu.

"Diary Continues

After reaching back to our college, Everyone were busy for preparing semester. This time vasanthi didn't take vashu's help. All completed our exams and our holidays also just gone like that.

Third year has started. Vasanthi became cool with vashu but i didnt know what happened between them????. Results arrived. Its Miracle that vasanthi got first place in university and vashu got second place.

I didnt even predict the magic of result but i scored 80% . Vasanthi cleared her back papers also with good percentage.She told me to come to canteen for a treat. Vashu was little upset that he got second place first time but he was very proud about vasanthi.

She gave a treat in canteen. Vashu left early as he wanted to meet rekha sis . Vasanthi asked me to come to her home.I asked her that how did she got first place???. She replied that she concentrated only on her studies...nothing else.. and she wanted him to pull backward in each and every place ..she wanted to be first always...she wanted to teach" what is life and relationship to vashu???".

But i were not happy. My vashu should be first and who was she to take revenge on him. I asked her that what was her plan???. She told me to wait and watch. I had spent more sleepless nights due to vashanthi because she occupied first place everywhere ...dance,music,sports,studies...etc..

I predicted revenge power in her eyes. But i were wondering that she was very normal with vashu.Vashu went to IAS coaching for necxt six months so he didnt have much time to spend with vasanthi and also with me.Vasanthi was thinking very abnormally to take revenge on him.

We completed our third year also and we were super seniors of our college. We had a junior welcome party at that time. Malavika who is looking very cute, gorgeous , joined as a junior in our college. Because of malavika, Vasanthi market came down in campus.. queue increased for malavika and decreased for vasanthi . In welcome party, vashu introduced everyone , while introducing malavika, he mentioned her as a mini doll in college .

Vasanthi got much angry ,she pinched me and gossiped to me that,..."Vashu's next target is Malavika". I used these situation to seperate them by end of the final year. After a party, i met an malavika and i had given vashu's number . I told malavika that vashu was a very good student and he could make dull student as a top scorer and i mentioned the example as vasanthi.

Malavika responsed me and she wanted to meet vashu. I asked her to meet him during lunch period and i requested her not to use my name .I knew that we all be together during lunch. Malavika came to canteen and met vashu.Vasanthi was watching them without blinking her eyes.

While leaving, Malavika asked vashu to drop her as she didn't bring bike today. But my hero replied no as that bike was only for vashanthi.He managed that he would leave early as he didnt want to give explanation.Malavika habituated to come to meet vashu during lunch with her note books.Vasanthi called malavika once and she told that she could clear malavika's doubt. suddenly malavika replied on the vasanthi's face directly that,"No thanks!!!! sis".

After these incidents, Vasanthi messaged me to meet her in coffee shop. I asked for a reason. She replied that We would be having farewell on next week so that farewell night be the last day for entire thing. I didnt clear what she meant. Again i asked her to explain me.

She got angry and asked to come directly to coffee shop for explaining the plan. Without knowing these things, vashu told about his love to rekha sis . Rekha sister was very happy and she called me to share her happiness with me .

Rekha sister asked me to pray for them.i were not getting that what was happening around me. In my home, My parents didnt want me to do job. Without telling to me, they have started to search a match for me. I came to know through my sister that they were searching a guy for me.

Unexpected thing happened that malavika was having crush on vashu . She asked me for a help to propose to vashu. How can i alone face these situations????It was avery difficult time to me and i didnt know ,"Malavika????is she really loving vashu???"

At any cost...i want to marry vashu...My love should be success...But as soon as hearing all of these at one day,,,, suddenly i fell down . My dad lifted me and he admitted me in hospital.I got up and found myself in a hospital. Doctor told that i fell down due to tension. All of my classmates came to hospital as i admitted serious. We had a fun inside the hospital so nurse warned our classmates to meet me in home. I discharge from hospital at evening.

As soon as i went to home. I got ready to have a cup of coffee with vasanthi then dinner with malavika".My mom warned me not to go. I consoled her and started my scooty to pick rekha to the coffee shop.

" Diary Continues

We had gone to the coffee shop.Vasanthi asked me for a help to take revenge on vashu.I said ok but my mind voice was saying that, " It shouldn't affect my vashu much as he is my real hero". She gossiped some idea in my ears. I was damn happy about that idea and waiting for the day to play the drama.We had a cup of coffee.

Vasanthi got into the bus and i started my scooty to pick up malavika for dinner. I felt very thankful to vasanthi as she thought about my future.I met malavika and we both went to a restaurant. Malavika frankly said that she wanted to be a vashu's girl friend.

My mind voice scolded her badly but i didn't show my reaction at that critical situation.I remembered my grandma words that," Be quiet for sometimes while getting angry, then the relationship won't break". She asked me an idea for her proposal to my hero. I asked her to propose to vashu on our last day (farewell party). She asked me how to propose to him???. I told her to take a greeting card and bunch of roses to impress him. She said yes to me and left the restaurant very happily .

But i can't tolerate those moments when i was with malavika.She was mad on vashu.As soon as i reached my home, My mom scolded me very badly as i were very late then she had thrown some guys photos with their details on my bed and asked me to select one among them. I shouted on her ," Am i looking like a girl/selling doll...to select one among them???". After hearing those words, My mom came forward to slap me but my dad came in between us and he consoled my mom.I went inside my room and closed my door.

I were crying .My dad slowly knocked the door but i didn't respond. He asked me to come out once. I went out . He asked me a reason for opposing the proposals.I didn't reply anything as i were having little fear on my dad about my love on vashu.He slowly asked me," Are you in love with someone kalai???".

I supposed to say yes but my mind voice controlled me that,"No kalai...Dont believe anyone untill everything is fine....". I replied to him that i wanted to do job atleast for a year. I saw some shadow behind our window. I analysed that the shawdow was no one else ,my mom and my sis.They were hearing our conversation behind the window. I wantedly shouted that,"If u people want to throw me out of the home...You are welcome...I dont have any problem....I will go out of this home....I dont want to be burden to anyone".

My dad said that..." You are not at all burden to us...but remember one thing....You are responsible for your younger sister"..Indirectly he meant that he wanted to do marriage for both girls and at least some gap should be there for marriage savings.My mom came to me and said that," I never ask you to marry untill u ask about your marriage".

I knew that she got angry on me. My sister came forward and said that," See these mad parents kalai...I am ready to marry but they are not asking to me....they are asking to you..pity parents....". I said her to leave and not to irritate me. she shouted that," If you are going out of home...Dont expect money from dad" and she ran away. I ran behind her to beat but she made me to cool for making such kind of fun.

The next day i met vasanthi to prepare for farewell party plan. The main role was malavika and sub role was me. I were waiting for farewell day. But the funny thing was..."She made my hero as villan for a while that day".....

Farewellday had come. Malavika came like wow..Red color choli...long earrings.....pink color lipstick..small black sticker..Red stone necklace..while she was entering inside an auditorium, even girls had a wide look at her....no words....I came in white saree asusal simple and neat...Waiting for vashu and vasanthi"

"Diary Continues,

Vasanthi came to an auditorium. She wore dark green color saree, White color long neckware and long earrings, black sticker, kajal to her eyes which make her more awesome etc... I felt that i came for marriage as their over make up. Now all had a wide look at her too...

I felt like a beauty competition between malavika and great vasanthi. Vashu came asusual like me," Simple and neat"...Events had started. Vasanthi asked me to signal malavika as per plan. Pity malavika didnt know that vasanthi created the plan. I pinched malavika to propose to vashu. As per plan, She went to the stage and requested to a small speech on the stage to co-ordinator.

Our co-ordinator allowed her to speak for a while..The drama came to on the screen...She stood in front of all without any fear as girls couldn't do that in front of all...My heart realised that i was doing wrong but my mind was only on my target. Lights on ," Only Malavika was on stage..... She started like....."

(Malavika Speech)

Hi dear friends,

Good Morning and Warm Welcome to everybody....

I would like to congrats once to all of our seniors and All the best for their great life..

Can anybody guess why do i come here

(From crowd) singing , dancing, vote of thanks...

No friends....I came here for proposing one guy on the stage...I can propose him personally but i didn't suppose to do that as he is my special person.

(From crowd) Yeah soon...come on..very eager and interest to here...

I love to call that person on the stage now....

Please vashu come on the stage......I Love you and i want to be your wife......Will you marry me?????".

Our staffs and co-ordinator asked her to come down as they didn't like these kind of activities on the stage. So she came down and went to vashu's place..She had given the bunch of roses and greeting card to vashu. I knew about vashu that he never insult anyone that too he thought malavika as his friend then. He had taken that card and roses. As soon as these kind of things, i and vasanthi wantedly left the place and came out from an auditorium.

He came behind us and Malavika also came. Our HOD called malavika and warned her for her behaviour but she didnt mind that. Vashu tried to speak with vasanthi about this. But as per plan, vasanthi shouted on him face that," You are such an idiot...You are cheater...I dont want to meet you in my life again". She told and she left the place immediately.

Now its my turn that i consoled him and asked him to be cool. He holded my hand as a friend and he told that, " Thanks for believing me kalai as a friend". Again vasanthi came and shouted on me that," You too idiot and he will cheat you also stupid kalai". As per plan, everything happened.

Everyone in ouir college had seen these things because we fought on the ground. Our collegemates gossiped that," vashu has a three girl friends ....kalai, vasanthi and Malavika". These gossip things which we can hear it clearly inside the campus on that day.

Really I felt very bad and apologise to my hero. I knew about him that he never give even space to some girls in his bike but now all were speaking bad about vashu.. I remembered that," Getting good name will take long time but we can get bad name immediately".

I also one of the reason for destroying his name. Everyone knew him as a dancer, topper, singer, cricketer but now i made him as a cheater as for my wish.Vashu didnt react and i seen tears from his eyes and he left the college. We also left.

After all these drama, Vasanthi hugged me and cried like anything. As i didn't have face to console her. She asked me to marry vashu and asked me to make him cool and happy . She told that she wanted some gap for these incidents so she would be going to US for her studies.

Malavika came to us forcely and asked about vashu. Vasanthi slapped her boldly and said,

" You are junior....How dare did you have to propose one guy one the stage???

If kalai gave idea...couldn't you think???

Vashu never treat you as a girl friend as i knew. He is your friend not more than that.

He loves kalai".

Malavika shouted at vasanthi that kalai only gave idea to propose. Vasanthi told all these our drama things to malavika. She felt sorry to us and she left the place. I hugged vasanthi like a kid and i thanked her.

She told me that ," You are the perfect match of my vashu sorry your vashu". She also left the place with tears.

I felt very guilty to face even me in mirror. Two days i didn't come out of that incident. I cant find vashu now. i didnt even know where did he gone. I called to rekha sis and asked about him. Rekha sis replied that she also searching for a vashu.

I came to know that vasanthi left india but i were started to search my vashu .....I were travelling in the bus to his home town

Diary ends"

(Wait and watch for vasanthi reaction)".

After reading the diary, vasanthi cut her hands and fell down.

Her parents knocked the door for a long while as she didnt come out . So her dad broken the glass window to notice her. They found that she tried for a suicide attempt.They called for an ambulance and they had taken her to the hospital.

She had admitted in to emergency ward and all nurses were walking here and ward by doing something. Her parents came to know that her situation was very critical. They couldn't find a reason.

One of the doctor came and said ,"Let's pray to god and nothing in their hands and they tried their level best". Her dad got a first attack as they were having one girl vasanthi after so many years. Her mom was speechless. She couldn't realise what was happning around her because both her child and husband were hospitalised.

Her mom conveyed about these critical situations to relations including rekha sis.Rekha sis called vashu and told about vasanthi's suicide attempt. Vashu eyes were turned into red and filled with tears.

He had gone to kalai's home and asked her to come down. Kalai was so surprised and came down happily. First time vashu slapped and insulted her in front of all. He shouted on her that ,

" What have i done for you???

Is treating you as my friend went wrong ???

You are very special to me

You had good place in my heart....

no one can occupy that kalai even wife/kid...no one will occupy your place...

because you are my great friend...

that's the value of friendship...

I never treat u as a third person kalai..

Most of the things which vasanthi didn't aware of me....u aware..

Why???? even i came to know about your diary...

I didnt ask one word on that....

because i want to be with u as a good friend...without making u as guilty...

now my madness....everything gone...

vasanthi was in critical...".

He cried loudly on the road. Kalai felt more guilty and she also cried much. Kalai's parents took them inside and kalai's mom slapped her as her behaviour went wrong.

Now what will kalai do??? Will vasanthi recover????

Kalai cried a lot and she didnt have words to speak. Vashu went to hospital .Vasanthi was in need of blood as she lost so much blood. Her blood group was O-ve. Vashu approached the need of blood donation through social media instead of blood bank .

More persons came forward to donate their blood. But kalai didnt come to hospital.Three days had gone just like that.Vasanthi's father felt better but her position was still critical.Vashu didn't even concentrate on anything other than vasanthi.He was remembering the past fire incidents which was happened to his sis and dad.His eyes were red and face was so dull.

Vasanthi's mother asked him to take a rest for a while but he refused to leave hospital.Rekha sister had gone to home to take some things. She found a diary on vasanthi's bed and she read the diary completely. At last page she found the letter which was written by vasanthi...

" Hi vashu...

I am very sorry and i am one of the most idiot in this world..

At the time, You will get this letter...I wont be anymore...

I am very possesive on you as i know that you are mine...

But sometimes..situation made me as fool..

You knew that " During our small age , our parents used to black mail that if we didnt eat properly then they will handover us to devil (or) something".

It never happen but As a kid...we used to believe....

After a while...as soon as we grow up , we used to get laugh and we will update these things to kids..

When i were love with you...I felt myself as kid so more possesiveness darkens my eyes and mind...

After a while.... i realised but here i felt ashamed of me...

I didnt have gutz to meet you (or) again ask you to marry me..

Kalai had a lot of hope and love on you but in my case...everything goes wrong...

Actually I didnt even get angry on kalai...i got angry on myself ...I felt more ashame on me...

Yes vashu... i am feeling bad on myself...

Kalai loves you truely even she knews about me...She didnt think to leave you .

But i left you for a chilly reason that too for drama.

I am feeling more guilty on me vashu..I can't see you by remembering all these incidents..

My heart had broken and filled with dust so...better solution is that leaving this world...

Bye vashu...Sorry kalai....Sorry vashu...

Take care of my parents rekha sis..."

After reading this, rekha sis had lot of angry on vashu,kalai and vasanthi. She hided these diary to their parents. Vasanthi opened her eyes and realised that she was in hospital. Nurse ran out and called a doctor to come and check a pulse of her.

Doctors checked her pulse and its better than previous . Doctor allowed one person to see Vasanthi. Rekha told that she wanted to meet her as she knew that vasanthi would try for suicide again. Vasanthi's parents and vashu agreed for rekha sis words. Rekha went inside to an emergency ward , she couldn't digest the situation of vasanthi.

Because... She was fully covered with green color dress .....oxygen therapy through oxygen cylinder...CT scan which is prdecting that still she was alive etc...Rekha couldnt see her in that situation. Rekha went near by her and Her anger came to peak to slap vasanthi regarding her merciless suicide attempt but she controlled herself.

Rekha touched her forehead and vasanthi slowly opened her eyes and tears were rolling around as a drop from her eyes as she couldn't express her feelings in words.Rekha understood the feelings and slowly started to speak which would turn her suicide attempt decision. Rekha slowly spoke that,

What is this vasanthi???

I read all the things in diary???

Is it correct what have you done???I felt ashame on you...

Only the person who doesnt have courage to lead their life ,those only will decide to make suicide...

I didn't expect this stupid suicide attempt from you vasanthi..

You have been there in US and all...Are you educated???

You didn't cheat anyone ...You are cheated by someone...

You people were played like kids..

I didn't even see the maturity with all three who involved in this...

Kalai....I will teach some nice lesson to her..

As you know that you are the only daughter to your parents then how dare can you take these decision???

Your father got first attack only because of you .

As they dont know these diary matter.

You are not trying for suicide..You are making murder of your parents also by taking stupid decision...

If you leave this world....Do you think about vashu and kalai???

Kalai never be happy and life long she will roam as a alive dead body due to your decision..

Already vashu didnt have any relations...Hope so...You are making him also to do suicide...

Now also you are behaving like kid...

Still you didnt come out of your anger...

Angry make anyone to spoil their life even think that Lord siva fired his wife shakthi due to uncontrollable anger ...then later he felt the truth that wife and husband are equal ...

While angry comes just hold on vasanthi...Suicide is not at all the solution..

Think before act my dear...".

Rekha completed her sayings with tears. Vasanthi holded her hands and she had given good expression by waving her eyes as she can't speak due to oxygen theraphy.Rekha turned her decision and got some peace of mind. Nurse asked rekha to leave for a while to give some rest to vasanthi. Vasanthi had hope on her eyes and Her will power made her pulse better.Vashu eagrily went forwad to check about vasanthi's status to rekha sis .She replied positive to everyone and she forcely taken vashu to meet kalai to make everything clear.

After reaching kalai's home. They couldn't believe their eyes.

They found the TOLET board outside the gate they couldn't belive themselves. Vashu and Rekha enquired about them to neighbours. They replied that they vaccated the home at midnight without telling to anyone. Vashu and rekha were confused.

Rekha searched kalai's hometown and her grandma's home. They couldn't go anywhere. So they had returned to hospital.After reaching hospital, Vasanthi mom said

One muslim girl came and saw vasanthi but she didn't even show her face.

She went to doctor directly and got a permission to see kalai in emergency ward.

She stayed in that ward for half an hour..

While leaving...She said to me that vasanthi will be back..

Dont worry aunty...

God is with u and she holded my hands tightly...

Her tears were touched my hands as drops then she left immediately".

We guessed that was kalai. But Vasanthi's mom asked about her deeply to rekha and vashu as she got some confidence on vasanthi that vasanthi would be back as per her words. Rekha lied that the girl was jessy who was vasanthi's collegemate. Immediately rerkha checked her details in hospital visitor's book but she found an old kalai's house address.

Rekha and vashu confirmed that the girl was kalai only. Days were running up. Vasanthi slowly recovered from critical.Till vasanthi changed from emergency ward to general ward, vashu didn't go and meet her even he was in hospital 24 by 7 as he couldn't digest her situation.

Vashu met rekha finally ..Speechless and happiest moments with little painful environment ..Vasanthi started to say sorry but vashu closed her mouth and said...

" Please be quiet..

No more bad memories...

Past is past..

I didn't remember anything other than you...

I had written everything on sea's water what was happened around me on during my past...

Now I couldn't find anything there...

I want to build my present and future like mountain....will u be the stone on that....

Will u marry me vasanthi???? will you love me again???? will you hold my hands???".

After his saying ,He gave a bunch of roses with greeting cards ..As soon as he gave this shock surprise...Vasanthi got up from bed and hugged him and said...yeah we will marry soon ....

Everyone in general ward was watching them without blinking their eyes and they clapped loudly for their happy decision...

Vasanthi discharged from hospital...They had done the grand marriage...

Years were running up....Vasanthi and vashu had two kids ...one cute girl like vashu and cute boy like vasanthi ..

Once the parcel reached their home...They opened and found their life story book as a book which was written by kalai with one photo....

Yeah...Kalai's family settled in DUBAI...She had taken time to forget vashu near by 2 years..then she became a story writer. one fine day she wrote vashu's story...before publishing the book, she sent that book to the lovely pairs...

Rekha and vashu felt happy because kalai married the business man and now she was living happily with one cute girl kid ...But still kalai mentioned the end of story is that...

"Vashu Is Kalai's always".

After seeing that...rekha pinched vashu and laughed loudly.....Vashu kidded her that please don't do suicide...Vasanthi started to run behind him to beat up and cute kids also were following to beat their dad.....

"Thanks for everyone for reading the story soon i will meet u with the story..."FIRST LOVE".....

#love story

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beardedwinnerobject-blog · 6 years

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