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thegeminisage · 5 years

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alright im about to watch 5.03 of merlin for the 2nd time ever

because if i dont do it now i may NEVER GET ANOTHER CHANCE

but first i wanna get out of the way that i thought merlin convincing arthur to keep the ban on magic in 5.05 because he was trying to thwart ~*~destiny~*~ or whatever is the laziest writing ever, it’s unsatisfying for the audience, it renders the rest of the last season utterly pointless, it’s unfair to merlin and arthur, and the tonal shift of the show from farting trolls in season 2 to full greek tragedy in season 5 was completely unwarranted and i feel TRICKED as a human person because i expected the end to be bittersweet and make me sad, not table-flipping angry, and i do not at all have high hopes for the finale

but i can ignore something having a “bad last five minutes” i did it for life is strange and final fantasy 13-2 i will do it for merlin but honestly

speaking on 5.03, after it was over the first time i was like “i can never write my fanfic now because nothing i ever do will be as good as that” but i’m really relieved in that way that that was apparently the last good episode of merlin because now i can continue my work in peace and maybe hopefully even actually finish it

okay commence the liveblog:

love that arthur and merlin are down to just jump off their horses whenever random women start screaming in the distance. season 5 could have been so good, they’re so much more grown up and in sync with one another, i absolutely LOVE their #vibe

it was interesting to me also that arthur DEMANDED a fair trial for this woman despite her being accused of sorcery. god, he was SO CLOSE?? that hatred of magic just can’t really take root in him especially with uther gone...arthur may be an asshole in the early seasons, and he may be quick to anger and quick to lash out in that anger, but it’s just not in him to be cruel, especially needlessly

EVEN THIS LADY IS LIKE “u showed kindness and compassion” arthur is a Good Boy deep down he is he IS he didn’t care a bit about that horn she gave him but still politely said it was beautiful

although lmao the way his face changed when she said it was magic...that’s the STUFF

lowkey losing it at athony head in the credits. i was looking to see if he’d be in the s5 ones since he’s dead and didn’t see him in 5.01 or 5.02 so when i DID see him in 5.03 i was like haha no way did they pay to put him in here i guess i just missed him the first couple of times BUT I WAS WRONG

like, in buffy, they spend an entire episode trying to decide whether or not to necromance their mom or whatever and she doesnt actually APPEAR IN THE EP they never SEE her i thought this would be an episode ABOUT uther i didn’t think uther would be IN it

love that from the get-go arthur’s face screams “i am thinking about making a terrible mistake” and merlin’s face is like “he is thinking about making a terrible mistake”

i’m quite proud of merlin in s5 actually. bad writing aside he uses multiple braincells many times per episode. it’s a vast improvement. same energy as clary from shadowhunters right down to getting shafted in his final season

ive said it before and ill say it again gwen looks SOOO GOOOOD as queen

if this is the anniversary of uther’s death then (if you go by 1 season = 1 year) arthur just turned 30...it’s been nine years and change since merlin met him, and by the end of season 5 it will have been an entire decade

in an otherwise increddibly heavy episode arthur panicking and throwing all the apples out of the bowl so he could cover the horn with it is absolutely priceless. season 5 if nothing else has really hammered home for me what a TERRIBLE liar arthur is - merlin got good at it fast out of necessity but arthur can’t hold a poker face to save his LIFE. “leave it.” “why??” “because i’m telling you to and i’m the king of camelot” buddy......

we were ROBBED. if there had ever been a day where arthur came to accept merlin’s magic but still had to help merlin hide it there could have been an entire episode of arthur nearly blowing merlin’s cover because he’s a nervous nelly and at the end he goes “i cant believe you have had to do this 24/7 for YEARS without a single friend to help you” and merlin goes “well now i have you” anyway.

i love also that repeatedly when arthur goes to do something scary by himself he also brings merlin. they LITERALLY are two halves of a whole

“you’re threatening me with a spoon??” i can’t tell you about the unfortunate fanfics i have seen involving The Spoon. i shall also not mention the ones involving The Glove. we will not speak of it

I CANNOT BELIEVE STONEHENGE IS IIN MERLIN. i got so agitated i did not pay one bit of attention to the conversation following its reveal and me and cathy and had to rewind so i could listen properly

my hate-on for stonehenge goes thusly: stonehenge apocalypse, starring misha collins, is @callowyn‘s favorite movie. i have seen it 45 times. i hate it nearly as much as she loves it. it’s an age-old battle

merlin is so intense when he looks for signs in arthur that he DOESN’T totally hate magic...arthur using magic to see his dad again is one of those signs. he’s willing to turn to it in desperation - maybe he’d be willing in less desperate times too

“my father was taken from me before his time” i mean...he was practically in a coma. so like. he wasn’t

love that when arthur mentions merlins dad ONCE he immediately looks like he’s about to cry. mood. i also want to cry every time i think about merlins dad

up until the moment i laid eyes on uther i was SURE they werent actually gonna do it. i came into this thinking it was a FLASHBACK EP

for the record (and believe me i NEVER thought i’d say this) even though i waited and waited for his demise and cheered when he was gona for good...i really missed uther in season 4. at least with uther you know what you’re getting. agravaine (his replacement as “evil guy who keeps us from being able to solve our problems too easily”) was a slimy cowardly CREEP. and in season 5 i WISH things were as simple as “work around uther’s pigheaded unreasonableness”

for a hot second i really thought uther and arthur would have a nice conversation where they reconciled or said something heartwarming. i was worried about an uther redemption arc - this guy is responsible for the genocide of magic users, he doesn’t deserve redemption - but this show said NOT TODAY and they said it QUICK

ARE

BLESSED

i have A LOT of issues with season 5 but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS WAS DADDY ISSUES 2.0 BROUGHT BACK FROM THE DEAD

repressed trauma returns: harder better faster stronger!! that’s the STUFF

was i not just speaking the other day on my fanfic ask meme about how i love emotionally intense stuff? this is IT babey

uther’s such a bad father! he’s with his only child again for the last time in ever and all he does is tear him a new one! this is why arthur’s such a fucked-up human being (morgana too)

i’m THRILLED we got to revisit this. his eyes get bigger and bigger and he starts fucking stammering and by the time uther’s done calling him weak and a failure he looks ready to CRY. i was HOLLERING. i still couldnt believe uther was even HERE and not only is he HERE he’s a WRECKING BALL

“this CAN’T be the last time i’ll ever see you” oh buddy you’re gonna wish it was

and he looks back, as he leaves. of COURSE he does. just like lot’s wife. so it goes.

you know how at the end of every supernatural episode sam and dean debrief and talk about their feelings in the car? for merlin and arthur it’s almost always done around a campfire at night - sometimes in arthur’s chambers or other places, but usually out here in the wilderness where it’s just the two of them. i’m...really going to miss it, when it’s gone.

“my father doesn’t approve of the way i’ve chosen to rule his kingdom” “you mean YOUR kingdom”

you know i don’t think i really got...like, fundamentally, on a deep level...that merlin fucking HATES uther

i’ve seen him save uther’s miserable life so many fucking times that i thought for merlin it was kind of the way it was with gwen - he feels nothing for him, but he looks after him for arthur’s sake (or as i came to understand later because he’s professor x about the whole thing)

but the way his expression got SO UGLY when arthur revealed that uther just shit-talked him the entire time...holy fuck

between that & some other stuff that happens later it really paints a clearer picture of like...uther’s dead so merlin doesn't have to hold back anymore and he FUCKING HATES HIM?? like obviously he SHOULD bu i just never SAW it before this. merlin LOATHES him. it’s INCREDIBLE to witness when he bore it so silently for so long. maybe even merlin didn’t realize just how much he hated him until now

and not to get too real here but if youve ever been friends with someone who had an abusive/toxic parent or was in an abusive/toxic relationship and you watch them feeling like shit after and they start making excuses for that asshole like “oh yeah he’s right about x” and you just want to find this horrible person and THROTTLE THEM that emotion is like ALL OVER merlin’s face rn. i didn’t actually seriously "”ship”” merlin and arthur until late season 4/early season 5 (i didnt like dislike it i just wasnt actively bothered by a lack of it) and what changed was this vibe. merlin wants to kill uther all over again just because he made arthur feel this way. he’s so fuckijng PROTECTIVE

and he still almost manages to drag a smile out of him via roasting, god bless these 2

ok so i didnt believe this show would actually DO THAT re: putting uther himself in this ep but i was doubly shocked by the fact that he HITCHED A RIDE AND GOT OUT

me shrieking during this entire poltergeist sequence: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IT’S REALLY HIM?? HOLY FUCK HE IS LITERALLY HAUNTING ARTHUR I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE DOING THIS I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE GIVING US THIS etc etc etc

actually most of that was probably muffled nonsense because i was yelling with both hands over my mouth

percival’s the realest motherfucker on this whole show. dude survives a murder attempt in which he got an AXE lobbed at him by the fucking GHOST of a power-mad genocidal king and he’s like: yeah idk i guess it fell

there was thunder in the bg for this WHOLE ep and i’m Big into it

absolutely CACKLING at the bit where merlin has to ask arthur if he looked back at uther’s spirit. it’s one of those nice big heavy questions - so heavy, in fact, that arthur can’t answer, can’t even LOOK at merlin, either because he’s ashamed or because he’s bugging out or both. you thought this shit was over? it’s never over! daddy issues are a lifelong ride, pal! arthur’s just get to haunt him literally this time. god it’s so fucking good

can i just say? merlin reads that damning silence reeeal well. and it’s a big, heavy thing to know about arthur - but then again he knows all the big heavy things about arthur

the score for this episode is really good too...very suspenseful and good, adds a lot to the atmosphere, keeps it from getting too slow

there’s a hint of merlin’s absolute HATRED of uther in this conversation again - the way his face tightens when he says “uther would do anything to protect his legacy and that makes him dangerous, who knows what he’s capable of now”

and arthur dismisses him because he can’t hear this but merlin almost refuses to leave - and when he DOES leave, he doesn’t take his eyes off arthur for one fucking second. he stares him down all the way out of the room. i don’t think it’s because he’s angry with arthur, per se - he’s angry with uther, and he knows uther in a way arthur never can or will, as someone ruthless who will kill without warning or remorse. he’s afraid of uther and he’s trying to get arthur to be afraid of uther too before it’s too late and LSDKFJGHSLDFJH

if you’re thinking “thats a lot to interpret from one look” yes it is but i’m right. IT’S A BIG, HEAVY LOOK. NICE AND LOADED. love unpacking all of that

i cant believe this dude tried to KILL GWEN like he really is coming after everything that makes arthur happy. im so glad it was merlin that saved her. i really do think merlin is her best friend

multiple times in this serious arthur fidgets when he’s nervous or thinking, usually with his hands near his mouth. i am endeared to him. my poor boy

“i always knew my father could be cruel but why would he do this to gwen when he knows i love her” BECAUSE HE’S CRUEL

merlin knows. merlin knows his cruelty much better than arthur. boy does he know. i’m dying. it’s fine

love that at this part of the ep we slide seamlessly into the “merlin and arthur are both scared shitless” section which was truly one of my favorite things about the s4 opener. they’re both so fucking jumpy and giving each other shit about being frightened and continuing to be frightened anyway. the DELICIOUS IRONY of arthur finally being scared of uther in the way merlin has been scared of uther for Y E A R S oh my god it’s so GOOD

do also love the entire silent conversation they have when deciding what to do about the door. this is what i mean by their upgraded vibe.l in the early seasons merlin wouldn’t have understood and his lack of understanding would have been played for laughs. now they’re totally in sync

here’s the thing, gaius could have made this magic “able to see uther’s ghost” potion for just arthur and he didn’t. he made it for both of them. everything arthur does merlin does. they’re partners in all things. they’re COMPANIONS. and this is why i finally now Ship It. tragic.

you know this is a kind of weird comparison but late seasons arthur reminds me JUST a bit of gwaine. he complains so much less that he sort of has that same “roll with whatever” vibe to him. pretend to faint so you can steal some guy’s dagger? why not. take this foul potion that may kill us? sure, let’s do it. come what may he’s not really fussed. much more unflappable

until he starts getting spooked again LMFAO

we do love a good pair of spooked dumbasses. this is charming and entertaining.

leon HAD to know they were lying about poetry. he probably thought they were having.......a tryst,

love also that even in this very dire moment merlin does NOT miss the chance to have some fun at arthur’s expense. that’s true friendship

i got jumpscared three separate times during this ep and one of them was when uther was glaring down merlin and arthur in the hallway after leon left

arthur didn’t jump but he did go hunting after him and to his credit he does not look scared. he looks like a man who is trying to deal with his business and get his shit together

merlin made that FACE again when arthur expressed sadness at hunting his own father because all he ever wanted to DO was make him proud

honestly it’s like since he can’t shit-talk uther he just sings arthur’s praises instead like this here is a guy who is just barely holding his tongue about how fuckin pissed he is. i cant believe it

splitting up was the WORST idea. have they not seen scooby doo??

love that when merlin gets cornered by uther’s ghost and gets scared he yells for arthur and when arthur gets scared because his torch blows out he yells for merlin. you fools, why did you SPLIT UP

uther locks arthur in the room with him, which is already some top tier content, but doubly good? it’s the same room in which arthur nearly ran him through in 2.08. don’t think i didn’t notice. i did notice. i was shrieking into my hands.

seriously this is a pretty calm liveblog but the first time i watched this ep my face was like this the whole time: O O

just kept going “HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK OH MY GOD” over and over. it was greeat

“arthur your fatal flaw is that you put too much trust in other people” do you think arthur, who now has a complex about people betraying him, ever forgot that for one second in his entire life afterward? me neither

speaking of 2.08 arthur dropped some FACTS “your hatred comes from fear” i'm sure they didn’t do it on purpose but #throwbacks

i’m fully experiencing human emotion. “i’m not you, i can’t rule like you did” he’s trying SO HARD to fight his way out of that bullshit

also lmao arthur like “then you’ll have to kill me” and uther like “yeah okay” arthur didn’t KNOW how this man was this could have been SUCH a good awakening

AND NOW IT’S TIME

FOR MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS EPISODE

when i say merlin hates uther. WHEN I SAY MERLIN H A T E S UTHER

HIS LINE HERE. ok. “get away from him, uther. you’ve caused enough harm” he’s furious! he’s GROWLING!

“you are just a serving boy” “i am much more than that” listen. human words cannot express the emotion that ran through me. when they said “we’re gonna bring back anthony head as uther” i doubted. when they said “he’s gonna be the bad guy and reopen all of arthur’s old wounds” i doubted. when they said “he’s still here LITERALLY haunting arthur who now has to HUNT HIM” I DOUBTED. i didn’t believe they’d do any of it until it was happening on my screen. but ONE LOOK at merlins face made a MOTHERFUCKING BELIEVER out of me. i knew exactly what he was about to do. pretty sure i gasped “NO” in astonishment

AND HE DID THAT

HE👏

DID👏

THAT👏

NOT ONLY. DID I SHRIEK ALOUD. FULL SCREAM. WHEN IT HAPPENED THE FIRST TIME. BUT JUST NOW. WHEN I WATCHED HIM DO IT AGAIN. MORE SCREAMING.

how LONG do you think merlin had ACHED to do that

to show himself to uther for what he was, what he REALLY WAS, someone to be reckoned with instead of someone to be overlookedd, without fear of consequences

i can’t even like

like just imagine the triple rush of 1. satisfaction 2. rage 3. lingering habitual terror

i think at this moment merlin was closer to and more like morgana than he had ever been and maybe ever will be again. because the two of them have so much in common but one thing i didn’t really clock until now is how much they both hate uther

it’s so good. uther is SHOCKED and DISMAYED and this is like merlin’s old fear come back from death too (getting found out by uther) while at the same time being a dream come true (getting to tell uther what he really thinks, who he really is - “i was BORN with it!”) he’s so ANGRY! he is LIVID!)

he’s also really SATISFIED like “even while you were king there was magic at the heart of camelot” GOD how long has he been WAITING for this and not even realized it

and like then uther starts spewing his hateful bullshit and stalking forward with the intent to kill and my guy merlin who should be terrified STANDS HIS MOTHERFUCKING GROUND and says right over him “you’re wrong, you’re wrong” for thirty beautiful seconds merlin really got to be free. i know i will keep comparing things to 2.08 until i die but it’s just like when arthur was almost ready to kill uther in cold blood because for one perfect, brilliant moment he really and truly saw clearly the world as it was. i really love these moments...the strength of their respective convictions is so gratifying

merlin yeeting uther through a door is also gratifying although i have no idea what he hoped to accomplish by following without waking arthur first

i. LOVE. that the camera lingered a little on the spears or whatever after merlin walked by them. nice little foreshadowing moment

THOSE SPEARS GOT AWFULLY CLOSE BUT IM PRETTY SURE UTHER MISSED ON PURPOSE BECAUSE HE WANTED TO TAKE HIS TIME. HIS MISTAKE

okay merlin spent the better part of a lifetime dreading uther’s death sentence and here’s uther stalking down a hallway sword pointed at his chest and certain death is IMMINENT and what does merlin’s face look like?

arthur comes in with the rescue and INSTANTLY his expression changes to?

IT’S BETTER IN MOTION BUT HE LOOKS READY TO CRY

my immediate thought: oh jesus what if uther outs him

i knew he wouldnt bc of spoilers but i would bet a benjamin that that was merlin’s first thought too

tbh. i wish he had.

i kind of wonder if merlin doesn’t wish the same thing. like yes being outed like that is terribly violating and he’s terrified of telling arthur obviously or he would have already but at the same time there would be so much relief once it was finally out. no more secret-keeping. no more burden

i mean, if you go back and watch it, dude’s straight up shaking. he’s trembling all over. he’s losing it. that last teary glance they exchanged.......

uther was two SYLLABLES away from blowing the whole thing

and in a better happier canon where arthur knows and was waiting for merlin to tell him this is like double angst because uther wouldve ben blowing something for them both

i like arthurs followup of realizing that he’ll never be able to please uther (step 1 of breaking away from the cycle of abuse) but for the LIFE OF ME

i will NEVER be able to understand why they segued into this GLOVE THING

i’m not talking about the glove thing

i will say however that by the end of this episode i was so hysterical i had to get up and get water and pace around my kitchen for ten minutes fanning my own face

and that’s it. that’s the second-best episode of merlin and the last good episode there ever was

#personal #merlin blogging #it took me three and a half hours to rewatch this episode because i kept pausing to scream #MERLIN DESERVES TO BE OUT TO EVERYONE ALL THE TIME it's not FAIR #that episode deserved to be 20 minutes longer it ended too soon #in a happier world arthur found out about the magic and immediately took merlin's side and defended him against the genocidal maniac but app #apparently this show is a greek tragedy now

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bluejayblueskies · 3 years

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i cannot stop thinking about tma hell's kitchen au

(@f0xesand0wls thank you for enabling me)

- elias is the head chef, and peter and gertrude are his sous chefs. there are 20 total chefs in the competition: red team: jon, tim, georgie, daisy, naomi, agnes, gerry, jordan, helen/michael, oliver blue team: martin, sasha, melanie, basira, mike, jude, julia, jared, jane, manuela

- the black jackets are jon, martin, tim, sasha, georgie, and melanie, and the finalists are jon and martin. the winner is probably martin, but it doesn't really matter, because the actual plot of this is a jonmartin rivals-to-friends-to-lovers slowburn

- annabelle is the one who puts all of the film and audio together at the end. jmart watch the show once it's put on television and go 'what the fuck i didn't say any of that' because that's how reality tv is babey

- martin is one of those chefs who does poorly at the beginning but gets better and ends up in the final two. even though he's not on the same team as jon, jon is like 'this guy sucks' and maybe martin messes something up for jon early on and jon decides he does not like martin.

- jon is so nervous that he's going to screw up and get sent home early (he doesn't have formal culinary training and feels deeply underqualified) so he's very stiff and overly professional at the beginning. he relaxes over time as he becomes more confident in his own cooking and as he does well at challenges and dinner services.

- somewhere around chapter/episode 5, martin tells jon that he doesn't have any formal culinary training and that he said he did in order to get into the restaurant job he had prior to coming on the show. he's been cooking for his mother since he was ten though, and jon surprises himself by saying that that's a lot more impressive than studying technique in france or something. that's the catalyst of their transition from rivals into friends

- somewhere around episode 8, jude (who got switched to the red team a few episodes prior) gets eliminated, but on the dinner service before she does, there's an incident in the kitchen and jon's hand gets burnt pretty badly (not so badly that he has to go home, and he fights through the rest of dinner service because of course he does). he insists he doesn't have to go to the hospital for it, and elias reluctantly agrees and has the medic look at it. in the dorms later, martin helps jon unwrap it and put more burn cream on it and change the bandages and... yeah <3

- daisy and jon do not get along at first, and daisy actually tries to sabotage jon early in the season/fic. jon nearly gets eliminated because of it and he is not happy. then, a good few episodes later, the red team wins a challenge and they go on some sort of outdoorsy award and something happens and jon saves daisy from getting seriously injured. they're on better terms after that.

- when jon, tim, sasha, martin, melanie, and georgie get black jackets, elias (like every actual season of hell's kitchen) brings their family members/friends in for them to see. jon gets his grandmother, tim his brother, sasha her mother, georgie her best friend alex, and melanie some of her ghosthunt uk (the restaurant) friends. the only person martin has is his mother, and they tell him that she was too sick to come, but he can't shake the feeling that she just didn't want to. she didn't even agree to make him a video. it's a very awkward affair, and after the challenge (which tim wins) jon stands by martin while they're... idk, peeling 200 pounds of potatoes or something and they talk about it and they talk about a lot of their personal lives. for most of the competition, they're very aware that they're on camera at all times, but jon decides that being there for martin is more important than worrying about that.

- jon wins the next black jacket challenge and, when asked who he wants to invite on the reward, invites martin. they get to go wine tasting in a beautiful vinyard together and then they get some time to sit in the vinyard and just relax. martin probably realized he had a crush on jon around... episode/chapter 8? pretty soon after his admission that he doesn't have formal training. this episode is when jon realizes that he has a crush on martin, and the wine tasting suddenly seems very romantic and he gets very flustered. martin just thinks he's getting nervous since they're getting closer to the end of the competition.

- it's martin and jon in the finals. martin has tim, melanie, basira, and agnes on his bridage and jon has sasha, georgie, daisy, and gerry. in the middle of the entrees, something goes very wrong in martin's kitchen (not because of martin, because agnes burns like... ten racks of lamb or something ridiculous like that) and it looks like martin might not even be able to finish and he's freaking out just a little bit, so jon does something incredibly stupid and tells sasha to take charge of the kitchen for a moment and goes over into the other kitchen and pulls martin aside and takes martin's hands in his and is like 'it's okay, you're okay, everything's going to be okay. you're extremely talented and an amazing chef and an amazing person and i love you and this is not your fault and you're going to go back out there and get things back on track.'

jon goes back to his kitchen, elias yelling at him the whole way, and martin kicks agnes out and gets his kitchen back under control and they have no other issues that night. and martin's brain completely skips over the 'i love you' until the end of service, when the adrenaline wears off and they start to clear down and jon gives him this smile and suddenly martin remembers and he's like 'oh fuck'

but jon doesn't say anything about it so martin assumes he hadn't meant to say it, because of course he didn't, because they're competing for a job and $250,000 and he probably just heard jon wrong or something. jon probably said 'i love your cooking' and martin's just being stupid and letting his crush get away from him. so they both go back and sit in the dorms and wait for elias to call them up to his office. meanwhile, jon also remembers that he accidentally let i love you slip and he's having a bit of a crisis about it because on the one hand he meant it, but on the other hand he should not have said it then and martin hasn't said anything, so maybe he didn't even hear.

still, martin needs to thank jon. so he's eventually like 'thank you for what you did back there. i don't think i would have made it through service without what you said.' then, after a moment, because it is a competition: 'why did you help me? you could have let me drown and you'd have a secure win'

and jon just shrugs and says, 'because you needed help, and i... i care about you. i didn't want to see you fail. you are a good chef, martin, and i... i know you deserve this job just as much as me. you can go work at elias's restaurant and i can go back to mine and... and that'll be okay, if that's what happens'

and martin realizes suddenly that jon lives across the country from him normally and he doesn't know if he'll be able to see jon after this (chefs are busy people, after all, not a lot of time for family and such) and before he can really think about it he's like 'i wouldn't be okay with that' and then when jon just looks at him he clarifies, 'i... i don't want to just go back to living in [washington?], working all day and coming home to an empty apartment, and you'll go back to [new york?] and i... will i even see you again? because it's been so nice, being here, being with you, and i want to see you again, jon. every day.' he hesitates a moment, then decides fuck it, if i'm wrong, at least i'll only be embarrassed for a little while longer and says, 'what you said during service. did you mean it?'

and jon, tentatively, is like, 'that you're a good chef? yes, martin, i meant it, of course i did' and martin's like 'no, the... the other thing you said. right in the middle of it all. i- i don't know if i heard you right, and i just... i need to know if you meant it'

and it would be easy for jon to say no, to pretend like he didn't. but instead, he sits next to martin on the couch and takes martin's hand in his and nods and says, 'i... i've meant it for quite some time, i think' and he smiles at martin, a little bit shy, and martin's overwhelmed with affection and he reaches for jon's face, leans forward, and--

and the phone rings. unfortunately. because elias made a decision

- martin's door opens and jon's doesn't. jon thinks he should feel crushed, and he does feel disappointed, but mostly he's just so, so happy for martin. martin is stunned, and tim and sasha and georgie and melanie and basira and daisy are waiting for him below to congratulate him. martin's stuck in a round of thank yous when he turns and sees jon, who's run down the stairs to join the celebration and is looking at martin with those same eyes he would get when he was determined to win a challenge or finish a dish that needed two more minutes in one minute. and then jon just hugs martin, so tightly martin can barely breathe, and he mumbles into martin's neck, 'i would very much like to kiss you, but i very much do not want our first kiss to be on national television' and martin laughs and hugs jon tightly in return and mumbles back, 'i love you too, jon. just in case it wasn't obvious' and even though jon just lost, he's never been happier

- (they watch the show when it comes out together half a year later, in the little bit of free time they have around running their own respective restaurants, and they spend the whole time picking it apart

jon: okay i did not say that, where did they even get that from??

martin: god do i really look like that from behind...

jon: oh christ. martin, i- i think they thought i wanted to have sex with you. ugh, they've put on weird romantic music. red lighting. i hate this. i clearly did not--no, martin, don't give me that look, you know what i mean.

martin: wow, this makes us look like terrible chefs

and, at the end:

jon: christ, of course they were recording us in the dorms after the last service. this is a cooking competition, not a romance.

martin: eh, it was a bit of a romance.

jon: hush, i'm trying to watch. they're about to announce the winner. i don't have much hope for this chef martin; after all, he did burn that risotto back in episode 2--

martin, trying not to laugh while he glares at jon: oh my god jon let it go)

#tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #jonmartin #i have so many aus already rolling around in my head begging to be written but 👀#have another incredibly obscure one relevant solely to my own interests lol #my fic #my writing #basically lol this is... a lot

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bestiepetedavidson · 3 years

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Can I request hcs what Pete would do when you're standing in the middle of the night at his door, after a break up with your now ex boyfriend? Thankss ❣

yes! this game me inspo and i’m going to try to do a written-out story if that’s ok! :)

a/n: y’all this is the first story ish thing i’ve ever written so i apologize if it’s really bad/cringey! i feel like it’s extremely choppy but idrk how to fix it. constructive critism/suggestions/etc is ALWAYS appreciated! thank u! <3

song to listen to: i’m thinking adore you by bestie harry? idk it just fits hehe

tw: angst? i think? idk this is my first time writing this much lol. some strong language. ending with fluff :)

it was almost 3 am on a saturday night, pouring rain and thundering, and you were left crying on your now ex’s doorstep. you ran into your car, soaking wet. your boyfriend/girlfriend of 3 years, the person you were gonna marry- had just dumped you. they cheated on you with your best friend.

you had no one to talk to and nowhere to go. you’re pretty introverted, and the only people you really had were your ex-best friend, your ex, and your friend pete. and pete’s friends too, technically. they were mainly his friends but you would all hang out together, none of which you felt comfortable enough to go to.

you called pete- no answer. he probably still hasn’t left 30 Rock. but anyways, he had a lot on his plate. you continued to bawl as tears rolled down your cheeks and your mascara smudged underneath your eyes. you broke down and you couldn’t stop. he/she broke your heart into a million pieces in the matter of seconds. the past 3 years of your life had gone to waste.

you decided to just drive. you didn’t have anywhere to go because you were staying with him/her. you just drove around aimlessly for 20 minutes, still crying the whole time. then, you got a phone call. “pete”, your phone read. thank god. quickly, you pulled into a random grocery store’s parking lot. you picked the phone up and your bluetooth connected to your car.

“y/n” pete said. he sounded tired.

“yeah?” you responded, still crying.

“what happened? is everything okay?”

you tried to explain what had just happened, but you were too much of a crying mess for him to make out anything you were saying.

pete, confused, told you “y/n, i’m sorry, i can’t understand what you’re saying”. he took a deep breath, and continued. “do you want to come over? i just got home from work. we can talk it out”. his voice sounded worried

you agreed and hung up, and set your google maps to his apartment address. you started to blast a random spotify breakup playlist and drove.

a little later, at around 3:40, you finally made it. still soaking wet from the rain, you took the elevator up to his floor. you had somewhat calmed down, but you looked like you’ve been through a trainwreck. you knocked on pete’s door and he opened it to see you in your current state. the moment you saw him you just broke down, and he pulled you into a hug without saying anything.

so there you two were. just standing in the middle of the building’s hallway, hugging. in the middle of the night. he didn’t care that you were getting him and his clothes wet, and he didn’t care that he couldn’t go to sleep. he was simply focused on you and what was going on. he softly rubbed your back, and every time you would start shake uncontrollably again, he’d just hug you harder.

eventually, he suggested going back in. “y/n, let’s go inside and sit. you can tell me what’s going on and i’ll do my best to help.”

he held the door for you to go in, and you walked in and sat on his couch. he sat right next to you and there was a moment of silence before he decided to speak up. “hey.. y/n look at me. please.”

his words only made you cry more. he place his hand on your chin and slowly lifted it, giving you a slight “please tell me what’s going on” smile.

you took his hand off of your face and held on to his thumb. you were luckily able to get a hold of yourself and explained to him what had just happened, crying in between sentences. he didn’t take his eyes off of you for a second. he stayed there and listened to absolutely everything you had to stay, his thumb still in your hand. by the time you were done, any trace of makeup that was still on your eyes was a done deal, and it was all smeared on your cheeks. he took a deep breath and gave his opinions.

“wow.. y/ex/n is a fucking scumbag. no like seriously, what the actual fuck. who would do that? and especially to someone like you.. y/n you deserve so much better than that piece of shit. fuck him/her.”

you cried, and responded with “no, he/she’s right. i wasn’t worth it and y/bsf/n is so much better fit for him/her. she’s so much prettier and smarter and just better”

pete took a second. “y/n that is so fucking wrong. you can’t say that about yourself. you are beautiful and smart and amazing in every single way. anybody would be lucky as fuck to date you.”

you simply shrugged, he knew that he couldn’t technically change your mind and that you weren’t in a state to really believe that, so you just let it be. he took both of his hands and cupped your face.

“you are perfect.” he tried to wipe your cheeks with his thumbs but it only made things worse, spreading it all across your face. you looked across the room at that large mirror he had hanging on the wall and went “ah”, making fun of the way he made it look.

“hey, at least we have matching raccoon eyes now” pete said, smiling. to that you giggled, and he responded with “gahhh, there’s that smile i love”, as he hugged you again.

still sniffling but now with a smile on your face, you whispered “thank you” in his ear.

“anytime. and listen, you don’t get to talk about my best friend like that.” he responded

sending him another smile, you went to his bathroom to wash your face.

best friend, he said. nothing more.

while you still loved your ex boyfriend/girlfriend, you always secretly had a crush on pete. it was ever anything you would’ve acted on though. first of all, because of your friendship. you wouldn’t want to ruin the way things were. second, because you were dating someone. you loved them and you wouldn’t just cheat... but apparently they would. and did. third, you had just had your heart broken. you were in no state of mind to just go and admit your crush. but god, was it tempting. and it’s not like if you were to, you would want to start dating him. he most likely wouldn’t like you back, and even if he did, you wouldn’t want to date. you learned that you needed to take things slow, and pete knew that about himself too.

you walked back out, and you noticed that pete was in the kitchen, making tea. he knows that you love it. he saw you glaring and smiled, going “what? you love it.” you started to giggle because pete is absolutely not a tea person, but the gesture is just so cute. “shut up,” pete jokingly went, “we’re watching spongebob to help calm you and you’re sleeping here tonight”

“oh petey! how you’re just the sweetest!” you mocked him, smiling at each other.

you went to his closet to get a bunch of blankets, and soon enough, y’all were sitting & cuddling on his couch, watching spongebob on his couch, drinking tea, and cuddled up in a multitude of blankets. you were still worn out from sobbing and very tired, but. it was the perfect comfort spot. he always knew what to do. he was your comfort person.

he started smoking a blunt, (that’s pete for you) and he offered if you wanted a hit, but you declined. smirking, he decided to put it out. after an episode, it was already 4 am. you knew he was tired and so were you, so you suggested going to sleep, but pete insisted that y’all finish the episode. neither of you were really paying attention but it was kind of just playing in the background.

pete starts talking about random stuff going on, life stuff, making little jokes, the SNL show that he just did, etc etc. he’s sitting back on the couch and you’re on his side, head on his chest. you’ve cuddled platonically before so it’s nothing new. you’re both watching the screen and going in and out of conversation. at some point, you lift your head up off his chest, and you just stare at him while he’s continuing his story. he doesn’t really notice you getting up, and continues to talk about a recent standup he did.

watching his face, his jaw moving, talking, the way he speaks and the way his voice sounds, something changes in you and you feel the urgent need to kiss him. he notices that you’re looking at him. he turns his head and looks down at you. the second he notices that you’re staring at him, his words slowly fade out and he just looks into your eyes, forgetting what he as saying before. you’re still in his arms, but your head is up and you’re just staring at each other. there’s about 5 inches between your faces, and your heart starts racing. his does too.

“pete” you quietly whisper.

he softly presses his lips into yours and you kiss him back. his hand runs through your hair. his lips are perfect and it’s like you two were made for each other. the kiss lasts for like 10 seconds, and he slowly pulls away. you’re both at a loss for words, and you’re still staring into each other’s eyes. pete, breathless, quickly glances that the digital clock underneath his tv.

“wow,” pete says. “i’ve been waiting for as long as i can remember for this to happen and it happens at 4:20,” slowly creeping up a smile.

“i kno-” you start to respond, when you fully realize what he just said. you cackle out and can’t stop laughing, neither can he.

you pull him back into you as you’re both still giggling and you softly make out for a little longer. eventually you fall asleep in his arms, right on his couch. with spongebob still playing in the background :)

i hope u enjoyed my very first mess of a story <3 requests are open!

🤍🤍🤍

#pete davidson #pete davidson x reader #pete davidson imagine #pete davidson x you

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violet-t-9 · 3 years

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Check in on my (not very realistic) wish list for episode 137

1. Sheepleb interactions, I don’t care with whom - I need sheepleb my beloved to interact with people for reasons. I know the sheep-shifting may only last for 1 minutes but that’s 10 rounds, surely enough to get some sweet RP in.

YES Cad grab the sheep yes YASHA SCRATCH THAT BELLY sheepleb interactions my beloved. Jester yes make sheepleb move his cute little ears I love y’all. YES SHEEPLEB chew on Yasha’s coat. I never knew I would love a sheep but I do now apparently. Yasha continuing to pet sheepleb and continuing to hold Caleb after he shifts back I love her so much-

2. Caleb or Beau accidentally and telepathically speak to people by thinking too loudly. I can’t wait for their reactions, it will be hilarious.

Well, Caleb did so but more deliberately, and it was more enlightening than hilarious lol.

3. Beau and Caleb discover the third function of their eyes (if dark vision is included in true sight, then they are missing one feature).

Nope, the eyes were used against them again to expose their locations, but haven’t ever been used for mind control yet, so I’m okay with that.

4. Beau and Caleb do not gain any new eyes (pretty please, come on).

I mean they have bigger problems but yeah I got what I wanted!

5. Wait no it’s the astral sea there is no wild magic effect anymore :( but can they at least encounter some unique astral sea creatures, features or something as fun as Aeorian wild magic.

Well... That was a lot of astral sea creatures. More precisely creepy meaty enemies. I think it was fun! In a horrifying way, but fun.

6. Someone mentions Yussa and discuss the probability of saving him (honestly though I don’t know how that’s going to work).

Jester mentioned Yussa pretty soon but I think they are a bit... preoccupied to save anyone at the moment, oops.

7. Getting closer to the city and discovering more of its nature/power/how to stop it.

Wow that city description is cool oh boy I got chills from the empty city suddenly bustling with people. Also that Caleb telepathy experiment is so creepy and terrifying. Is the city alive?! With flesh and teeth?! EuughhHHh. Timorei the terrified rebel/Fear they first met (who seemed to be on Lucien’s side), with Elatis and Luctus opposing him? The Aether crux??! Ira/Wrath who acted in a sort of beast-like way and seemed antagonistic towards Mirumus and Gaudius?? It’s good to know the Somnovem are in fact far from one mind - their opinions seem pretty divided. Aether crux might be the way to go, couldn’t they just destroy all the Somnovem, since they want M9 to kill some of them anyways? Does the entire city function like a living body?

8. Beau and Yasha continue to flirt even in the astral sea and travel side-by-side or physically interact.

Twin initiative 21 yeah let’s go- wait when I said physical interaction I didn’t mean it like that come on!! Stop hitting each other. Also Yasha’s small “I love you but” aww. It was still a little bit flirty somehow lol loved it. ALSO the air kiss was so cute I can’t with these two and their awesome PDA. They also searched the building together!

9. Jester really doting on Artagan/Sprinkle like she never did before.

I mean, she paid him way more attention that’s for sure :D

10. Jester and Fjord have a longer one-on-one conversation or fight like a badass battle couple that they are.

Hey they were both great in combat and explored together!

11. Obligatory wish for Essek’s fancy dunamancy or magical items (Bonus: we get to see one of those high-damage AOE offensive spells that he couldn’t cast).

AYY LIGHTNING BOLT HYPE! It was sort of an AOE too! Loved his flair as always. It’s not dunamancy technically but I’m counting it because cool purple-black spell.

12. Obligatory wish for Caleb’s polymorph spell (sheepleb was perfect, GIVE ME MORE).

Nope, but the sheepleb we got was awesome.

13. Tiny Veth interactions with party members (Bonus: with Fjord, or sheepleb).

Nope, the effect probably didn’t last long? Or they just forgot about tiny Veth lol.

14. The party members try to reach Molly through Lucien and Lucien reacting more to things that they say.

They didn’t catch up to Lucien at all, but I have a feeling that they will next episode.

15. They catch up to Lucien and Cree somehow and manage to stop them from returning the city to the world (or at least start the combat).

Combat was started at the end of the episode with Cree! They did catch up to Cree! This is going in the right direction at least.

16. Successful divine intervention from Cad or Jester.

At least Cad and Jester both tried! They weren’t successful, but still.

17. Yasha decides to brute force through a problem and succeeds like the true Barbarian that she is.

I mean, all the combat is brute-force and Yasha did eliminate one of the flesh horror monsters with her cool holy avenger swing!

18. Someone pushes the big red button and derails them.

Nope! They’ve been focused and on task and that’s good!

19. The wizards and their complicated whatever it is being addressed or developed more.

Not Caleb smirking at Essek using fire bolt then proceeding to use one himself and get a natural 20 I- that was so cool?? What?? Have I mentioned that I love those wizards because I love them. They also float the fastest of course.

20. Heroes’ feast/short rest or a long rest that they well deserve (Bonus: they have great rolls on the HP).

Nope, but I mean they probably need one soon.

21. Obligatory wish for Essek’s room in the tower.

Yeah nah this one is just a permanent feature on the wish list don’t mind it.

22. Oblitagory wish for Cad being a MVP in and out of combat.

Cad turned Caleb back (baaaaaaye sheepleb I love you), healed the group and discovered a lot about how the city worked, including using decompose.

23. Veth being thirsty for Davexian still, or for whatever other Astral sea creature they are going to meet.

“Want to do some apple picking?” LMAO I’m not gonna count that of course but it was funny.

24. Obligatory wish for everyone to remain relatively happy and alive by the end of the episode except Lucien and Cree (they can perish, but now I kinda want Lucien to not die since he had some strange reactions), and the episode ends on a terrifying cliffhanger as always.

Score: 12/24

Welp, that took a turn. I did not expect so much Eldritch horror and expected way more humour (which in hindsight was unwise considering how the story is going lol), but honestly I’m not complaining one bit. Matt’s voice acting and everybody’s performance are top notch and the world-building is just *chef’s kiss*, terrifying or not.

Bonus:

The subtitles said “bleating” when everybody yelled before the opening theme I’m dead lmao also “some a bit sheepish”, courtesy pun of the DM.

“I mean... *bleats*” hahahah I love sheepleb so much

Poor Essek had to start the combat on low HP, sadness. To be fair, our wonderful DM was busy playing many characters and giving beautiful expositions and the players were busy being captivated by all that!

“When in Aeor” Fjord lmao making his face into a big red eyeball, as one does.

Torrent of Teeth ughhhhhAHH what an attack name

Caleb casting Widogast’s Web of Fire was the hottest thing I’ve seen, no pun intended - it was hotttt.

#critical role spoilers #critical role #cr liveblog #cr spoilers #c2e137 #the mighty nein #manifest list

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sole-cuore-amore-e-droga · 3 years

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Belgium brings their ex-vocalist back to Rotterdam 2021

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Here we chop chop boys like we chop chop wood

This review space would’ve been reserved for Belarus. Unfortunately, their broadcaster was not ready to make nice, and ultimately refused to serve EBU with anything but not-even-so-thinly-veiled propaganda, so much so that EBU, after all they’ve given the time for them for to snap out of it, finally had to be like “bye bitch” (- Lizzo) with enough push from the fandom, and informed everyone that Belarus will miss this year’s contest <3

Which means that I don’t have to deal with 41, but with 39 writeups to do overall, if my timing permits! The Roop could’ve always used a little less competition, anyway /j

Speaking of The Roop’s competition, time to aim at another one of their semifinal folk with a review. Come forth, Belgium!

ARTIST & ENTRY INFO

Hooverphonic, eventhough they’re not as big of a name as Flo Rida, is the biggest act to compete in this year’s Eurovision, and even had lasted longer as a thing than Flo Rida. He barely even got his proper famous kickstart around in the 2000s. Hoover have been around at least for 5 years more than him, if “Years active” section on Wikipedia is anything to go by. And back then they were just known as Hoover, correct. Their lineup of singers has changed for quite some time, but otherwise the band since its inception is rooted in basically two men: Alex Callier and Raymond Geerts. They used to have a keyboardist too but was he a part of their glory years in 2000? No? Thought so, he’s irrelevant then. In fact, their first vocalist wasn’t even present on their first album, so they went to have another one, who did just one album with them before 2000 and left. Now I’m only constantly and consistently bringing up 2000 because that’s when they had their break out moment in relevancy - after they changed their singer once more before they found someone called Geike Arnaert - the woman you’re seeing on the MV’s thumbnail right now, and not someone certain for whom there was a public outcry for she is the only Hooverphonic component that’s not coming back from 2020 to 2021. But more on that later. I’m here to present you the break-out hit, for those who just don’t know:

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I used to like to think of Hoovers as trip-hop sensations, well not in the style of Massive Attack because they have their trip-hop sound with actual hip hop thrown in, Hooverphonic’s style is that but with a tinge of symphonic.

Well, “Mad About You” wasn’t really the only hit they had, before that they got a bunch of minor and domestic hits, and their music was used for soundtracks. So it’s a little bit cheating still to think of “Mad About You” as their breakout hit, but that’s still the biggest song of the band. If I were to recommend you stuff from them that aren’t necessarily the biggest hits but still, “The Night Before” with yet another one of their vocalists is pretty good.

So when I tell you that Hooverphonic is a band of a very long career. Well some bands do survive a lot without having their lineup change for 10+ years, but Hooverphonic vocalistes come and go sometimes, and for 2020 forray, when they were first announced, they came in to that talk show studio where they were guests in with a promising little starlet Alex Callier found at The Voice Belgium (for the Flanders region) and was her mentor there, Luka Cruysberghs, as their current vocalist.

Is it just me or her and Stefania Liberakakis look like they could be cousins?

All went smooth and dandy, until Alex started spouting stuff about Eurovision the fans found not amusing, such as calling Eurovision a circus or something, later begging and pleading to medias that his statement was “lost in translation” - now I would say it happens to the best of us, like for Tornike, but deep inside I think I know Alex meant what he meant, inside or outside context. Because everything just went even more sour when everyone found out Hooverphonic were missing from the common song “Love Shine a Light” for the 2020 consolation programme in place of Eurovision, and when they were forced to explain, Alex just straight up said he didn’t like the song, so he decided to not do it. Fuck, I myself don’t adore the 1997 winning song, but I like it, and would’ve still done a piece of that song out of respect. Take it or leave it, god damn. Also they were noted to be the only people plugging in their other material in the time when Eurovision 2020 artists on the consolation programme were either saying inspirational stuff or “hope to see you soon!” or a combo of both, once again, courtesy of mostly Alex. Now I’m not saying his ego is bigger than Kirkorov’s... of fucking course not, no one has an ego bigger than Kirkorov’s. The only thing that can beat him in that regard is if someone booked Kanye West for Eurovision last minute.

Following 2021, they were very excited to jump on the “leave 2020 songs behind” train, while a few artists like VICTORIA and The Roop rallied for to keep their entries in tact if they were allowed to. And with that, in late 2020, they went ahead and celebrated the 20 years of “Mad About You” by getting rid of Luka as a vocalist and bringing back the aforementioned Geike to reprise her part. Seems pretty reasonable, but for the Eurofandom it was simply seen as a dick move, and mostly for the reason that all 2020 artists deserve a 2021 chance, even if they’re band members. What felt more dickish is that Luka was straight up told “byeeee u’re no longer our bandmate xo” on a Zoom call between band members. Like, it’s fine to be told you’re fired in person, even if still humiliating, because what’s the other better way? What’s equally worse is to be told this via email, but the email you were sent was sent like a few months ago and you only read it NOW. At least I guess that proves we know what the “sad and losing game” was that Luka asked to be released from now, heh.

Not to worry Luka-stans, as Alex will still have her, just as not the part of the band anymore. But instead give her a solo career. Yeah well we’ll see how long that lasts.

With the 2000 glory heydays lineup of Hooverphonic we have their entry be “The Wrong Place”, as the completely quite different song they promised (or didn’t) when saying that they will certainly and absolutely get rid of their old one for the 2021 if they had a choice. What they didn’t get rid of is the theme of the worse part of relationships - “Release Me” is about probably wanting to be let go of and released rather than kept by the side when it’s probably not working out. “The Wrong Place” is one of those episodes that probably happened during then - they had a house conflict, she chose to have a smoke to forget about it, the man’s after her Johnny Cash T-Shirt. Not much else to say about the song’s technicality fortunately than I’ve already said so much about the band, so how does it fare in the Hoover-lore, for me?

REVIEW

See, I would like to root for Luka ever having her chance to get to experience Eurovision if she wishes, but maybe it’s lowkey for her own benefit she wasn’t the chosen vocalist for the song, as Geike could do “Release Me”, but Luka wouldn’t be able to do “The Wrong Place”.

“The Wrong Place” is well-suited to the first vocaliste’s melancholic blend-in timbre, and a singer like Luka would sound a little too light on this with her soft-spoken sound of her voice. Besides, I don’t think she could be old enough to relate to the lyrical subject’s domestic struggle issue. Not to say 20 year olds don’t smoke and drink, it’s just that “The Wrong Place” feels a little bit too much mature enough.

Although I think that both of them could absolutely rock the music video visuals.

The song itself is very Hooverphonic. They used to do this kind of standout triphoppy sound back in the days, but as of lately they kind of grew out of the label to do more of the music that kinda sounds like movie soundtrack music. Idek the exact label I could give it to their music so move soundtrack music it is I guess. It has a decently paced structure (could’ve done without the overly repetitive ending where they repeat “you’re in the wrong place” over and over, like ffs I know where I am!!), and interesting lyrical choices. Such as “organic cup of... tea”, as in, WOW! HOOVERPHONIC HAS ENOUGH WITH THE TEABAGS FULL OF GROUND AND GRINDED TEA! THEY WILL ONLY MAKE TEA FROM PURE HERBS AND FLOWERS, AS IT WAS USED TO BE DONE! and acting like her Johnny Cash T-Shirt is the kind of prized possession her man is not allowed to wear to rub it in her face. Imagine if it was something more mundane. “Don’t you ever dare to wear my... pink polka-dot T-shirt”? Damn right it doesn’t seem to suit the mood lol.

It’s not what I exactly wanted from Hooverphonic, but probably what I subconsciously needed from them anyway, ever since they were announced for 2020. I only got into “Release Me” sometime AFTER the contest, “The Wrong Place” is a bit more instant to stand behind. So well done to them to commit to their craft.

Approval factor: I guess I do have to stamp this with my stamp of approval. It’s nice and all. Follow-up factor: “The Wrong Place” follows up as a more of a Hooverphonic discography track after the fairly average and overlookable “Release Me” (eventhough the latter has the tinge of theirs as well because it’s a more symphonic ballad, and they do have symphonic stuff on their discog afterall). As a Eurovision entry, it comes across as even better somewhat, and even slightly more standout, but that might not necessarily work in their favour. Qualification factor: And that’s because they’re absolutely stranded in the semi with too many qualification choices to name. Belgium gets to be a bit quasi-obvious, but they’ve failed with a Hooverphonic-penned song before, plus, the pop girlies of this semi are more likely to eat out a band like this alive, but I wouldn’t exactly say Belgium is doomed to fail either, because I am positive Hooverphonic will think of something. I’m just saying that shocking things can happen every now and then.

INTERNAL CORNER

Well, considering Alex Callier is not running his mouth this time as much as he did so last year’s season, I think it’s safe to say that Hooverphonic have had nothing to write home about.

No, wait...

Well I did mention that Luka got replaced as one of the events that happened to Hooverphonic’s lifetime, but thank God that Alex promised her a solo career, right? Right?

Well, apparently, we’re getting towards it.

And the first lyrics of her first solo forray post-Hooverphonic-vocalist-duties features the lyrics about possibly her making someone “regret it”. Lol now watch this song to be a karma kick into Hooverphonic’s ass if Belgium happens to not qualify this year. Luka forewarned y’all with sharp precision.

Annnnnd that’s pretty much it, besides the band jumping on the trend of turning their entries into a Festivali i Këngës 59 acoustic night European version by presenting their own acoustic version of this track. I did not have the kind of courage to link to the Azerbaijan’s “slow version” on their review in fear of overruning my post even longer than they would usually be for these reviews, but at least it moves people to a certain degree

Well, my question of the days is, does “The Wrong Place” in acoustic make you sad twerk?

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ANY LAST WORDS?

Belgium’s big weakness is when it comes to stage their entries, notably for the last two years where the Eurovision actually happened. Sennek was awkwardly put in the middle and succumbed to the curse of Lucie Jones of grimmacing too much and therefore ruining her score in the process, possibly. Eliot was just simply upstaged by the decision to include big drums on stage. Alex Callier acknowledges all that sort of thing, so if anything goes absolutely right and Hooverphonic manage to make it to Rotterdam (which I think they can do because Belgium and Netherlands are neighbours lol? unless their lockdown rules get super strict in May), he should get on to mending all the flaws that Belgium had in the past for staging, and have a spectacular vision. Because it’d be sadly hilariously ironic if Hoovers miss out on the final due to the staging again. Can’t just constantly blame the vocalist - Geike would be flawless live, if Hooverphonic trusted in her for so many years. Can’t blame the song - it’s not too bad. So staging, I guess.

Good luck Hooverphonic, you’ll certainly need it. Also can RTBF consider that they could send anything else from the Wallonian music scene other than The Voice Belgique acts~

#eurovision #eurovision 2021 #rotterdam 2021 reviews #belgium #hooverphonic #the wrong place

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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Simpsons Review: Simpsons Comics #102 “Uncle Burn$” or Homercore Nudity!

Whelp out of all the commissions Kev has thrown me this one’s kind of a curveball. I mean it makes sense why cover it: It’s a pastiche of Donald Duck Comics done in the pages of the Simpsons long running comics. I cover duck stuff on here, and not only do I love the Simpsons but I tend to reference it for jokes a LOT. I just genuinely never thought of reviewing it till now, likely because earlier on in my new career of reviewing animated shows, I wasn’t really convinced I could do pure comedies. With my regular reviews of Darkwing Duck and as it comes out coverage of the Loud House (I still need to get around to Band Together), that’s no longer a real issue and I should consider doing the show in the future, especially since I have an unabashed love for the first 10 seasons and a few episodes beyond that.

As you can tell, I love the Simpsons. While I do genuinely wish it would end and have no real intrest in the current seasons, though if you’d like me to take a look i’d be willing to. The show in it’s prime was funny, witty and each episode was crammed with jokes. And refreshingly for an adult cartoon show of it’s time, the show genuinely wasn’t afraid to mix things up: Milhouse’s parents divorced and stayed that way for so long that them apparently getting back together decades later is itself a huge status quo shake up. Lisa went Vegetarian which stuck thanks to sir paul mcartney, and then went Buddhist, both of which have never wavered since and both fit her well. Skinner and Krabbable started dating. Barney went sober for a few seasons. Apu got married. These are minor changes but the show does have things happen occasionally and doesn’t just snap everything back and it adds genuine tension to plots knowing they might stay the status quo They usually don’t but the occasional change gives things stakes. I could go on for days, but I couldn’t go on for 8 weeks, point is the Simpsons are awesome, and deserve the praise they get early on I just wish they’d stop as by this point people really have stopped carring and it’s time to pass the torch and Let Bob’s burgers be the wholesome family comedy that runs forever.. and even then that one should stop at 10 seasons. Or if not at least let the kids age dammit. But that aside, while many of you simpsons fans looking at this probably have at least seen the comics, or a collection of them over the decades, many of you like me are wondering what the hell Bongo Comics is and how they managed to last so long. Bongo was founded by Simpsons Creator Matt Groening in 1993. Matt Groening had noticed that at the time there just weren’t any funny books on the shelves, funny books being comedy based comics primarily targeted for kids, with Archie and Disney being really the only ones left at the time. So he founded Bongo to rectify that, and given Fox naturally liked the sound of more merchandising dollars, the publisher was primarily used to produce simpsons comics, though looking at wikipedia there were one or two that weren’t including, of all things, a Coldplay comic tying into their album. Why did Coldplay publish a comic book at a primarily simpsons comic book company?

Though most series seem to be either short lived or one shots, there were a few exceptions: Naturally the company put out an annual Treehouse of Horror issue, there was a Bart Simpson ongoing focusing on him and the other kids of Springfield, I had a trade for that one once, and once Futurama premiered it too got a comic book that held through both cancelations. But standing above them all was Simpsons Comics, a 245 issue long runner that ran all the way up to the company’s closing, likely due to a combination of a lack of profits and the then upcoming Disney-Fox merger depriving them of the very heart and soul of the company.

Naturally being a Simpsons fan I have a connection to these comics having gotten the trades out of the library multiple times as well as the collection of Bartman’s solo series, which was my favorite and I might cover some day. In addition to the Free Comic Book Day issues i also picked up scattered issues over my life since, much like Archie, Simpsons comics were a mainstay of bookstores and super markets and the decline of both comic markets is likely why the Simpsons comics started to peter out in the first place. The quality and memorability of the stories varied but they were a fun thing to have around and it’s sad to see them go, as well as see Disney not even make a remote attempt to bring them back or at the very least republish the vast library they now have access to. Also finally if your wondering yes, there indeed was a Simpsons/Futurama crossover. And no I have not read it. So with that history, most of which I just learned some of which I already knew, in mind, it is very fitting the comic’s did a tribute to the Uncle Scrooge comics. Though it does feel very weird that I have yet to cover any Donald Duck or Scrooge comics.. yet i’ve already covered one of the Ducktales tie in comics and a Simpsons homage to it. I’m going to have to correct that but until then, join me under the cut as I dive into adventure with the Simpsons.

This issue was written by Ian Boothby and drawn by John Delaney, I feel mentiong the writers and artists should be important in comic reviews and I kick myself for not having done that or gone into them as much before. Boothby was apparently the Ian Flynn of these comics, writing more simpsons comics than any other writer according to wikipedia and winning an Eisner for his work on the comic if sadly not this issue. He was nominated for an outstanding Canadian Writer award for it though so that’s good. Point is the guy is a decorated vetran of this series and it shows in how good this issue is and I felt he deserved some recognition as most Comic Book Readers, myself included up till now, likely weren’t aware he even existed nor took over the comic in the 2000′s.

We open with Burns getting attacked by a mummy! Gotta say wasn’t expecting this as where we started out but the simpsons have started with wonkier premises to end up somewhere. I mean there was the time a bag boy strike ended up with them in Africa. Also i’d say Burns should call the police, being the kind of privileged white guy they actually care about protecting and all, but frankly the Springfield Cops don’t have the best track records with Mummies:

But no it’s just Smithers, who dove in heroically to save the company 15 dollars after Homer took a bet to see how many fire crackers he could jam in his computer’s disk drive. Lenny said 20 but he proved him wrong. And yes those are all actual jokes from the comic, this issue is very funny and feels very much like a Golden Age Simpsons episode. They also all gather to sign Smither’s cast.. which naturally is a legally binding contract. Burns takes his loyal minion to get some quality medical care only to find an arcade because he traded the Medical Bay in for one during an outbreak of Pac Man Fever... again I really can’t top that and there may be a good reason why I haven’t covered the Simpsons till now. But yeah as Buns gives Smithers a roll of Pennies, he wonders who to have replace Smither’s on their annual summer treasure hunt.. which would come out of nowhere but we genuinely don’t know what they do most summers. I assumed Burns just road Smithers like a horse to play cricket while Smithers enjoyed it way too much. But a stray comment from Homer getting a Krusty Doll from a crane machine about being king of the treasure hunters leads to this.

I mean it’s an easy joke but damn if it didn’t get a laugh out of me. So later at the old Simpsons place, because this comic is fantastic, Marge and Homer talk things over, but Homer insists Burns said he’d split the treasure, and Lisa wishes she could come along. And Marge says he should, especially for his own saftey.. and when Bart complains, says all the kids should go, she already packed their bags, she’s heading to Rancho Relaxo byyyyeeeeeee. Once again, this comic is amazing, and I would say this is out of character for Marge, but frankly that’s the whole point. Plus it really isn’t when she has to deal with 4 children on a regular basis, and her sisters, and a town gone mad.. yeah can’t blame her here.

The next day at Burns Office, Homer is wearing his navy outfit.. or rather Donald’s Navy outfit. But given I did a quick google and found him having at least 4 different outfits during his time in the Naval Reserves, it’s not a stretch to assume the Simpsons Version of the Navy gave these out too. Seriously Ian Boothby has put more thought into continuity than most writers on the show proper. Also Simpsons Tide, season 9 episode, still very memorable and hilarious and not due to childhood nostalgia. Just looking up this bit had me laughing hard.

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I now want to watch that episode sometime soon so thanks Kev. Anyway Homer seems to have misplaced his plants. Now I could spare you the image since I don’t do things panel by panel anymore and only use panels from a comic when relevant. Buttttt

This traumatizing of my audience brings me to a point about this issue and why it works. While there are tons of nods to the Donald Duck comics and what their homaging is very clear, the issue doesn’t REQUIRE you know them to enjoy it. Knowing them I obviously enjoy it more, but most of the jokes aren’t reliant on you knowing anything about the barks comics and even someone with a passing knowledge of the Original Ducktales can still get the reference if not why Donald is here. It helps this is less of a parody, with the exception of some jokes, and more of an homage, using stylistic elements of those comics while telling i’ts own story as a loving tribute to it’s predecessors. Speaking of one of those jokes poking fun at the source material, Burns is delighted Homer brought child labor, which kept me laughing for a good minute, and when the kids introduce themselves we get this bit.

Not only am I 100% sure every version of Donald or Della did this to make sure they could tell them apart, very much including the reboot with Donald, but it’s a genuine hilarious bit. Donald’s response as they head off is “there’s somehting hooey Dewey and screwy about this. “ Also I will criticize the fact Bart isn’t the one wearing a blue outfit. For those wondering why, after all Maggie wears blue shouldn’t she get it, who haven’t seen this a LOT of merchandise early on had Bart in a blue shirt, due to early Merch being rushed out pre-show and since he wore one in some earlier concept art, he got to wear blue. He also wore it late into the 90′s.

Sidebar: I just found this and while it isn’t a bad joke given his character it is questionable to have a fourth grade boy tell you to buy him. Just saying. But the reason I bring it up is partly because the show itself referenced it at one point.

As well as it’s sister show Futurama

And you remeber that Bart Simpson solo I mentioned? That one frequently, both in and out of story, had Blue Shirt bart show up for some variety.

Also why yes each issue does have it’s own fun “Superman’s Pal Jimmy Oleson” Esque subtitle. And I love it so. Point is Blue Bart is part of the series legacy and this very comic company, so it’s VERY weird to not have that here. That being said there were a few Green Shirt barts apparently as a printing error, so he could just as easily be 80 steps ahead of me. I just don’t know.

Back at the plot Burns and the Simpsons show up at Frink’s lab, Frink rather obviously filling in for Gyro, with his own version of little bulb named F.L.O. who gladly shakes Lisa’s hand.. and releases a Pterodactyl but hey you can’t win em all. It’s a nice nod, though one only fans of the source matieral will really get, but the pterodactyl bit right after helps distract from it. Frink slotts into the roll well, as Frink has no reall affiliation with anyone and is basically, much like Gyro, there for various characters to go too when the story or joke needs him. Frink has two gadgets for them: Some Scuba suits that can go to any depth and a grappling claw that accidently gets him gripped to the pterodactyl. Also homer accidently switches suits with maggie, so we get an adorable shot of her serenely sleeping in a diving helmet while her daddy chokes to death.

So the next day it’s out to the open seas where The Simpsons are doing all the work while Burns lounges.. which yeah this is a typical uncle scrooge adventure all right. While the man unlike Burns does work hard and do things for himself, he spent most voyages talking about the destination while putting all the hard work on Donald, in case you thought there was at least one universe where Donald isn’t miserable most of the time. Lisa wonders what he’s doing and we get this lovely bit.

I just.. can’t stop finding that hilarious or a nice way to get the Uncle Scrooge bit in there while still fitting the Simpsons, and it at least explains what happened to Herb, whose been mentioned all of once in the 30 seasons since he last showed up. I checked. And yes for those unaware, which is fair, or who just now remembered Homer does indeed have a brother, one his dad had out of an affair who showed up twice, once with Homer unintentionally, and largely due to Herb’s own foolishness, ruining his life, the other time with Maggie helping him get back on top and him and Homer reconciling. He’s also voiced by comedic legend and your friend and mine, Danny Devito, whose still making us all laugh to this day and is a wonderful person from all accounts. Rock on Danny, here’s the only way I can think to honor you.

But yeah it’s a good gag. Burns claims to be watching for a Giant Squid.. and turns out to be right. So it’s up to the simpsons to fight the giant squid, a sentence I genuinely didn’t expect.. I thought like the Griffins they’d just ignore it.

I miss that show.. oh i’m aware Family Guy is still running but much like the Simpsons the show it USED to be is long gone. Anyways Bart tells a worried homer octopus suck out the innards and drink it first quipping “It’s not like you haven’t been drunk in the morning before homer. Homer chokes bart only for the squid to choke him which is easily the second best “Homer getting choked after Choking bart” gag i’ve seen.. the best being this one I found on youtube.

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Though personally my faviorite part of that whole bit is Bart’s proud “THAT’S BECAUSE I SOAKED HIM IN SLIME!” Anyways Lisa figures out a way to beat the squid, painting the likeness of each of them on it’s tentacles and letting the thing devour itself. Lisa lampshades it making no sense PHysics wise but with that she reluctantly accepts calling Mr. Burns, Uncle Burns and we’re off to our next location. Next up is Mt. Donrosa, a very clear nod to Uncle Scrooge maestro Keno “Don” Rosa, an avid fan of Barks work who expanded on it and turned it into a solid continuity, most famously, and what got me into the ducks in the first place, with the epic “Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck” which I proudly own and.. well I did say watch this space didn’t I? Enough hinting at the future as the Simpsons scale the mountain with Homer carrying burns up on a rickshaw. Burns however looses his lucky #1 penny, SUBTLE, and cuts Bart down to get it. We then get the best line of the issue:

Bart thankfully survives and we find out the Penny, much like Scrooge’s Dime is how Burns started his fortune.. for this issue and nowhere else but that’s standard for the Simpsons. Specifically loading it into a gun and threatning to kill Jasper’s grandfather with it during the gold rush, a nice twist. At the top of the mountain they find the fabled key of Strobl, which comes from the Taliaferro tribe.. more refrenes this time though I didn’t know them and had to google. Tony Strobl was an artist on the Duck Comics at one ponit and Al Taliforino id forgotten about. He did the Donald Duck comic strip which I had heard of and weirdly hasn’t been collected yet despite Fantagraphics covering mickey, as well as reprinting barks and rosa’s respective works.

The key is suspended in the air by what Lisa suspects to be magnetics, and while Burns plan is naturally “Have Bart swim in it and see if he surivives”, Bart, still pissed from the penny and not wanting to die today, grabs the Penny and uses his slingshot to fire it at the Key. The bad luck from the penny casues an erruption, but Bart once again saves the day and has them surf down, with naturally tons more great jokes. The family enjoys some steamed Seafood, except Lisa whose eating Seaweed, while Homer enjoys a sting ray “It tastes as good as it stings, Ow, Ow.” ON to Goddfrodson Trench, an odd choice given Floyd Goddfrodson was barks equivalent for the Mickey Mouse Comics and not really a duck writer, but he still deserves the honor regardless. Under the Sea, no accusations just friendly crustaceans here.. our heroes are close to the treasure but loose the map to the Jailbird Boys, aka Snake and his cousins, who found out due to Lisa’s blog. She didn’t want to loose any more readers to Sheri and Teri’s Olson Twin’s Fan Page.. which.. it’s 2004.. weren’t they dead by this point? Nope still alive? Still are today in fact? Alrighty then. Also this bit, and some of the other references are a bit heavy handed, I will admit that, but the jokes are high quality enough otherwise that it just comes off as a bit of an adorable wink more than laziness.

Snake and co cut their air with Starfish used as throwing stars.

The gang tie their air suplies to avoid dying, and Maggie, in a clever bit, talks with the starfish, since they communicate via sucking, to attack the Jailbird Boys. Again..

I genuinely don’t know, but our heroes find the fabled vault of Barks Billion.. named after Bark Barks, that polar bear from the sonic games.. no of course it’s named after Disney Duck God Carl Barks, who created the Duck’s share of Donald and Scrooge’s supporting cast: Uncle Scrooge himself, Daisy Duck, a fact I just learned but given he created her first short “Mr Duck Steps Out, shouldn’t of surprised me, The Beagle Boys, Magica DeSpell, Goldie O Gilt, Flintheart Glomgold, Gyro Gearloose, Gladstone Gander, The Junior Woodchucks as a whole, Neighbor Jones, John D. Rockerduck, The Number One Dime, Gus Goose, April, May, June and Whitewater Duck. Just the sheer impact he’s had on the comics on all continents cannot be overstated. He is also the one who refined Huey Dewey and Louie from hellraising little shits to the good little boys they are today.. well okay they were, thankfully the reboot has created much better versions. Point is what a man, what a man what a mighty good man, he is truly missed. We get two great homer gags in the same page, one where somehow he’s put the giant key on a key ring and still can’t find it.. with Bart helpfully taking it from him, and then we get this, which I missed on my first read through.

Naturally Burns betrays them, using a Gold Magnet, kay, to suck up all the gold and naturally planning to leave the Simpsons for dead to no one’s surprise. But thanks to Bart teaching Maggie how to use the spittoons, Homer gets one stuck on his head.. and starts getting sucked up with the Simpsons using them to escape. Naturally Lisa’s first instinct is obvious.

But Burns weasels his way out by promising them free gold after their free lunch. Naturally the next day this turns out ot be a trick as their lunch came from frinks and thus, for now, their weightless.. but Karma gets Burns when he tries swimming in his new gold vault... only for the natural result of what happens when am an who never exercises and who doctors once described as having so many diseases packed into his body at once they tripped each other off and that a strong wind could kill him, trying to do with a similarly aged but still physically fit and well trained at swimming in money man does on a daily basis.

We then close on a quick gag of weightless homer getting caught on fire and we’re out.

Final Thoughts: This was a really excellent comic. It captured the tone of the Simpsons at their best and while stiff in a place here or there, it’s mostly just really funny, entertaining and a nice and warm tribute to Donald and Scrooge’s long comics history, not really mocking it but instead just homaging it, while still throughly feeling like the Simpsons. It honestly feels like the Treehouse of Horor Segement on the shining, a bit that parodies something, but for the most part the jokes still feel firmly rooted in the simpsons and their cast. This was a treat to review and i’m glad Kev comissoned it and I may take a look at more Simpsons in the future. If you guys like this review, you can follow me on patreon at patreon.com/popculturebuffet, or if there’s a specific simpsons or ducktales episode or a specific comic you want me to review, you can comission your own review for just five bucks. Just send me a direct message on here through Tumblr, or take a look at my ask box or submit. However you want to do it. I take payments through paypal and until next time: Happy Days are Here Again.

#scrooge mcduck #the simpsons #carl barks #simpsons comics #montgomery burns #homer simpson #bart simpson #lisa simpson #maggie simpson #don rosa #professor frink #bongo comics #waylond smithers #reviews #ducktales

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wikiangela · 3 years

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my thoughts as I was watching the episode (didn't feel like doing multiple posts, felt easier to do just one lol):

awww Dean has a dog 😍

Dean trying to make his bed cracked me up ngl

actually it's funny seeing them do such ordinary things lol

this dog is so cute I can't 😩😍😍

"Pie Fest" 😂 "this is my destiny" okay 🤣 so dramatic over pie, but that doesn't surprise me 😂

Sam THANK YOU for mentioning Cas (and Jack) 😭

Idk but I'm kinda loving that Dean's trying to live his life? "If we don't keep living, then all that sacrifice is gonna be for nothing" I mean that's true 🤔 (even though I'd love to see Cas back but not getting my hopes up)

pie in the face lol and Sam's laugh is so great haven't heard that in too long

(this post is gonna be long af 😂 it's been just 5 minutes hah)

"Singer and Kripke" aw cute

vamp-mimes cracks me up every time, even though I saw the sneak peak before 😂 and he's so serious when he says it hahaha

I cannot stress enough how I missed that about Dean

okaaay so vampires. cool.

is that the trenchcoat in the trunk? is it? it looks like it? IS IT? or am I just imagining things??!! I paused and I've been looking at it for like five minutes trying to figure out if it's the trenchcoat wtf (I mean would it even make sense? Cas was taken in that trenchcoat? unless he had a few? And, I mean, he had, right? it's all so blurry in my mind now, I need answers)

Sam, let Dean have fun for once, geez 🙄😂😂😂

I don't remember that girl (Jenny, was it?) (okay, I googled it, and I still don't remember her and what happened with her haha all I know is it was in season 1 so 💁‍♀️)

oh nevermind, she dead now (dead dead) so whatever

as soon as I saw the metal thingy (I'm an English major but somehow I can't remember what it's called in English or in my native language??) I knew what was gonna happen but...

NO DEAN BABY WHYYYYY 😭😭😭 he can't die like that noooooo

he's like, accepting that he's gonna die? omg I'm crying 😭😭😢

I'm literally sobbing right now and how is he dying its only been 20 minutes of the episodes what the fucking fuck how am I supposed to get through 20 more minutes

"don't leave me" omg Sammy 😭😭💔💔💔

"I can't do this alone"

"yes you can't"

"well, I don't want to"

where have I heard that before? 🤔😭😭💔

"I love you so much my baby brother" is that the first time Dean said that to Sam in the show? I'm pretty sure I don't remember him saying that before - and I am crying so hard I can barely see what I'm writing thank God for autocorrect 😅

nooo Dean 💔💔😭 my favorite character since the moment I saw him and now he's dead and I wasn't emotionally prepared for that and how am I supposed to just go about my day later this is the worst why are they doing this I hate how attached I got to this show and the characters FUCK

And my mom called me just as Sam was about to burn Dean's body and I had to pretend like I'm okay. I WANT TO GO BACK TO THIS MORNING BEFORE I DECIDED TO WATCH THE EPISODE FUCK

so Sam's alone now, with the dog

but my question is: What the hell happened to Eileen? weren't they, like, in love? didn't she come back? (I feel like we actually don't know so I'm seriously asking) why isn't she there? wtf if I don't see Cas or Destiel, at least let me see my girl Eileen at the end 😭 and Sam being happy with her

baby's grieving and I cannot stand to see him so sad SOMEONE GIVE HIM A HUG (or me, I could use a hug too 😔)

I physically cannot stand seeing Jared cry - I feel like I'm literally falling apart

WHY IS THIS SO SAD wasn't it enough that we have to say goodbye to the show? couldn't those be happy tears about a happy end? THEY DON'T DESERVE THIS

okay, "agent Bon Jovi" made me chuckle through tears, I LOVE DEAN SO MUCH

lights out in the bunker made me cry even more

DEAN'S IN HEAVEN

BOBBY

OG BOBBY

ARE YOU KIDDING

idjit 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I missed him much more than I expected omg

"that kid of yours" I. am. not. okay.

Jack setting things right, I love it ❤️ thank you for Bobby 😭😭😭

"everyone happy, everyone together" is it everyone though?🙃

"the Heaven you deserve" DAMN RIGHT HE DOES

"CAS HELPED" I CANNOT HANDLE THIS

right now I would just like to take a second to appreciate how fucking hot and handsome and beautiful Jensen is because I needed to pause and calm down a little and focus on something else

and Jensen is fucking gorgeous and Iove his fucking smile and his fucking lips - you know, when I started watching it, for about the first season I had to rewind every time Dean was talking because I couldn't focus on anything but his lips hahaha good times, wish I could forget about this show and watch it all over again and get supper annoyed at everything all over again but I still love this show more than any other even though I've been watching it only for the past 2 years haha

I think I'm good, back to watching:

I don't think I can express how I missed the og Bobby ❤️

AND BABY'S THERE OH YEAH

that smile, Dean/Jensen ugh you're killing me

"Hey Baby" ❤️❤️

CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SOOOON THERE'LL BE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DONE

AND I JUST STOPPED CRYING AND NOW IT STRTED AGAIN AAGGHCHFJHSH

"love this song" me too, Dean, me too 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

(wow, too much emojis, bitch, chill)

baby Dean that's too much

and Sam seems so happy 😭😭

but who's the wife, please tell me it's Eileen, I miss her where is she that's not fair

Sam as a dad is just so precious and cute and so fucking great I can't 😭😭❤️❤️ love that for him ❤️

but why aren't there any pics of Cas and Jack? C'mon, Sam 🙄 (I mean, there surely were some pics of them, we know for a fact there was at least that one Cas picture in a cowboy hat so there should me more ugh)

"it's okay, you can go now" why are doing this to me again

I mean, I'm happy that Sam got to live his life to the end and died of natural causes or old age or whatever

brothers togheter again 😭😭

I'm a mess

also, let me just ask, WHERE'S THE ANGEL

WHERE THE FUCK IS CAS

just a cameo at the very end would be great

"and cut" this made me cry again fuck

so that's the end, huh? brothers together again, in Heaven?

well, I choose to believe that at some point they reunited with Cas, too and that's that

overall, it was not what I expected, and I didn't have much hope for destiel but I hoped for some acknowledgment of his confession by Dean or at least a cameo

I mean, he's been one of the main characters for so long and they didn't even have him in the finale? and he was mentioned literally twice?????!?? FUCK YOU WRITERS

so, I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it that much, is was meh, It wasn't a good conclusion to the show and I'll be bitter about Cas till the day I die and I didn't like how Dean died, I mean, he was literally impaled, in my opinion it wasn't "going out in the blaze of glory" like he always wanted

this is a long post, I'm not even gonna reread before posting, but those were my genuine reactions haha

if you read it, wow, I'm so sorry haha

now I need to lie down and cry before I can function again and do my homework so that's fun

I'll see y'all in your notes as I reblog every fucking thing about 15x20 😊👌

just one more thing at the end:

THIS SHOW RUINED ME AND I STILL LOVE IT WHY AM I LIKE THIS

anyway, I'm gonna go cry now hahahaha I'm not okay

I'm gonna live in denial about Cas not being there haha

I hope the rest of the spn family is holding up somehow because I'm losing it and I need some fix it destiel fics asap

okay not gonna make this longer haha

bye, have a good day 🙂👍❤️ (don't mind me, I'm losing my mind)

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alwaysonthemend · 4 years

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Destiel Rec List

NOTE - This is an old version of this post. A newer and more organized version can be found easily on my blog. I will no longer be updating this particular post.

- Works marked with (*) denote my absolute favorites.

-This rec list is mostly Destiel (I'm a clown 🤡, sue me.) Though there are a few that aren't.

-Some are full AUs, some only partially, while others are canon!verse. (I'll appreciate anything as long as it's well written.)

-Yes, some of these works have smut in them, but they can easily be skipped without losing important plot info. (Make fun of me all you want, but I don't like reading smut.)

-This list will be updated whenever I find a good fic, though probably not regularly if I'm honest. (Life happens...)

-I DO NOT own any of the work found on this list, nor do I claim it to be my own; I am simply making this so that others can enjoy these fics as well.

-Please do not hate on anyone or anything. If you don't like Destiel, then don't read the fics. If you hate the author, don't tell me because I don't care about that drama. (Walk AwaaAYyaYAaa)

1. Twist and Shout****** by @gabriel and @standbyme Archive Of Our Own.

Thoughts- I'm sure that there is nothing I can say that you haven't already heard. Just read it. Suffer along with the rest of us. There's fluff, smut, angst (the holy trinity.) This is truly the best fan fic ever written. Period. 20/10.

2. 300 Things by @cautionzombies. (I can't find the original source so you'll have to try and find it on your own...)

Thoughts- What's a Supernatural rec list without 300 Things? This really is an amazing fic and it is written so well!

3. How A Righteous Man Raises A Rose by @swordofmymouth- Live Journal.

Thoughts- This fic really took me by surprise. It's tagged as an AU, but I think you'll find that it's not at all what you think. The author effortlessly sets a mood of loss and regret, yet still gives the light a chance to shine through. I went into this fic thinking it to be an AU, and it was at first. But I soon realized that there was much more to this fic than what at first meets the eye. I shed a few tears over this one.

4. Cleanse the Mirror* by @takadainmate -Live Journal.

Thoughts- Man, this one hurts, but in the best way. I read this fic a long time ago but lost it and couldn't find it for a long time. I am so glad that I found it and was able to re read. Just as enjoyable (if not more so) the second time. Dean gets a better understanding of what it's like being an angel. (And Cas is written so well in this fic! He's just like he is in the show. It's incredible!)

5. A Hole in the World by @bauble - Live Journal.

Thoughts- This one just hurts and hurts and hurts. This is one that you'll just have to read and see for yourself. No happy ending. (You've been warned.)

6. In the Shadow of Your Wings by @EnochianThings - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a really well written fic. There were several times that I almost forgot that I was reading a fan fic because the characters and story are just so well though out. It's a bit of a long one and is set in a (sort of) canon!verse.

7. My Throat is An Open Grave* by @inkandpaperqwerty - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This was one of the first fan fics that I ever read for Supernatural. This one is just so heartwarming, but not before plenty of angst and hurt/comfort. The author seamlessly puts Sam and Dean into a heartbreaking AU and it's all about the love that Sam and Dean have for each other. (NOT Wincest.)

8. Thursday's Child* by @strangeandcharm - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- All I can say is... Ow. Slow burn to end all slow burns, but so worth it in the end. This one is set in the End!verse (which I'm a total sucker for.) Dean and Cas are just so sad and I just want to hug them and make it all better. Imagine, Future!Dean's plan to kill Lucifer!Sam works and now he has to live with the fact that he killed his own brother, devil or not. And Cas has to come to terms with the fact that he survived the epic showdown, despite his belief that he wouldn't, and now has an addiction that he has to get under control. I love this fic and it really is a painfully slow read, but more than worth it in the end.

9. Après by @imogenbynight - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Dean and Cas go to Paris... Need I say more? I love this fic because it addresses the crappy way that Dean always has Cas coming to him and how Dean needs to step up and realize the sacrifices Cas has made for him (shameless bias opinion... Sorry) All us Cas stans will really appreciate this one. Written well, characterization flawless... What else can you ask for?

10. Dean's Days Off* by @MittenWraith - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is just the sweetest, fluffiest fic you could ever ask for. Reading it made me want to fall in love so badly it hurt. Cas and Dean just get some well deserved rest and quiet. I am absolutely in love with this fic and I'll read it over and over again. (Especially if I've had a bad day and need some happiness)

11. Unlit, Unmarked, and Forgotten by @awed_frog -

Archive Of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a beautiful coda for 11x17. There's some Destiel if you squint. It's very sad but somehow manages a happy ending that renews your hope and brings a soft smile to your face.

12. Down Like Water by @museaway - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I really like this fic a lot. It is very sad with a lot of Hurt!Castiel but it does actually have a happy ending. Just grit your teeth and bare through the angst and sadness to make it to the beautifully sappy ending.

13. Till Kingdom Come* by @freckles_n_feathers - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This is a season 11 AU that was written before season 11 aired (the author actually somehow predicted things that were going to happen before they aired!!) This fic gave me really high hopes for season 11 that weren't quite fulfilled. I loved season 11, don't get me wrong (it's actually one of my favorite seasons) this fic was just so perfect and I wanted it to be canon so badly. (I re wrote this review like four times because I kept saying "actually" lol)

14. 12x19 Destiel Ficlet by @Samanstiel - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This was written before 12x19 aired, and if you were upset with how things went down then this is the fic for you. The characters are written so well and it really feels like an actual episode.

15. Contrapasso*** by @takadainmate - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This might be the best fic ever (trumped only by Twist and Shout...) Inspired by Dantes Inferno and so beautifully written! I just... There aren't words. It's very dark, and the ending was not at all what I wanted (but after much thought, I realized that there couldn't have been a better ending.) I really got lost in this fic. I could see exactly what the author described, I could feel what the characters felt. This is true art... This is the fic we've all been looking for.

16. Put Up Your Dukes by @takadainmate - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This fic is by one of my favorite authors (who has featured on this rec list before...) Hilariously dirty. Dean and Cas are bone heads who can't make up there minds. Human!Cas is also a little sh*t and I'm living for it. There's some smutty times in this one... (which can easily be skipped if you're not comfortable without losing any important points of the story. {at least I didn't feel like I missed anything})

17. Then I Defy You Stars* by @speary - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - So many tears were shed while I read this. The plot is just so amazing and a plot twist to end all plot twists at the end. It's full of sacrifice and love and angst and bittersweet moments. I love this fic (and I promise you will too.)

18. All the Nights by @NorthernSparrow - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This takes place after 15x03 episode "Golden Time". A bit of a fix it fic, but canon compliant to a point. I really love this fic (I love anything written by NorthernSparrow). Also a case!fic, which I'm always a softie for. Some big questions that I have since season 15 are addressed in this fic, and I absolutely love the way they are answered.

19. A Winter's Tale* by @NorthernSparrow - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Oh my gosh. So much Hurt!Castiel. There isn't outright Destiel but there is heavy DeanCas relations. This is a season 9 re write and it just hurts so much. If you can make it through all the pain, the happy ending makes it all worth it. Human!Cas just deserves so much better... Ahh! It's just so sad and perfect and awesome.

20. Give All My Secrets Away by @morganoconner - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This is a sweet little fic. Not particularly long, but oh so meaningful. Dean gets cursed and his soul is pushed from his body, leaving him vulnerable and scared (the author portrays the human soul in a very interesting way). Cas looks after him and it's just so fluffy.

21. Plot Holes* by @saltyfeathers - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Holy crap! This fic took me a whole week to finish and I enjoyed every minute of it! Every chance I got I would pull my phone out and read. I was rudely interrupted many many times so I just decided to finish it at night and stayed up until 2AM on a school night. (oops?) It's soooo well written and feels like an actual season of Supernatural. 12/10 all the way.

22. Someone Who's Feeling For Me by @ellispark - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: Here's a fic to kick you right in the feels. I actually really genuinely enjoyed reading this fic because of how well the characters are written! Dean, Sam, and Cas run into Lisa Braeden post her mind wipe in season 6 and it brings up a whole bunch of drama for our boys. (While also helping Dean realize that she was never really the person he wanted to be with 😉) A bit of light smut and a bit of angst but definitely worth a read.

23. Chalk and Chainmail by @angelwingsandthings - Wattpad.

Thoughts : Oh this one is so good... It's very angsty at times and Dean is a lovable dork who can't win no matter what he does and Cas is just a confused little assbutt who doesn't know what to do with himself. (So he's himself if we're being perfectly honest here 😂) There's some light smut but nothing too graphic. This one is a Highschool!AU, so prepare yourself for the delightful drama that comes along with teenage hormones. (And Charlie is a total QUEEN and I'm living for it. I love her so much.)

24. Remember When * by @VioletHaze - Archive of Our Own

Thoughts: Sooo... I've been on a bit of a School!fic kick recently. (Not a little bit. Like a lot a bit thb) This one is just so god da*n perfect (scuse my French) Dean and Cas have been best friends since fifth grade; they do everything together. Then some crap happens and they get in a huge fight junior year. Years later, they finally make it back to each other. (*Cries in fangirl*) Warning, it's sad, it hurts like heck. But there's also so many perfect moments. I promise you won't regret reading it. (And once again Charlie is a total queen and I would give my life for her. She deserves so much better... {SPN writers I'm looking at you.})

25. Everytown, USA by @aileenrose - Archive Of Our Own.

Thoughts : I've seen this fic on tons of recs but never really thought much of it. But I kept seeing it so I decided to give it a read and boy was it worth it! This is just a great fic that has plenty of fluff (And angst... Because what's a Destiel fic without sadness and pain?) Cas is a lot different from his character in the show but somehow the exact same? He's Cas, but it's like he's what Cas would have been like if he had grown up human. I just love him so much in this fic (and I want to give him a hug too... 😢)

26. I Through My Window by @dehavilland - Live Journal.

Thoughts: I've seen this fic on several recs and I finally got around to reading it myself. Some ample Destiel angst to hit you right in the feels. But I love this fic because it is incredibly motivating! Post season 5 canon-divergent and Castiel is permanently rendered human. Dean is a ginormous penis head and leaves Cas to fend for himself. Cas pines after him for a while before realizing that he doesn't need Dean to live his life. Cas stans will love this one. I just gotta include a quote because it's just beautiful. "No, I don't need you. But I want you."

27. A Light for My Path* by @domesticadventures - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts : Oh my goodness. This fic is just... *chefs kiss* Told from the perspective of Cas' Continental. (A.K.A "Connie") Dean and Cas are having a difficult time figuring out who they want to be after the end of the last The-End-Of-Times-We're-All-Gonna-Die, but they figure it out together. There are plenty of Impala!pov fics (and even an actual episode), but I don't think I've ever come across one from Connie's perspective. Definitely worth a read.

28. Named* by @RC_McLachlan - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts : Hooo boy. This fic.... This is a complete season five re write and I LOVE IT. It's pretty angsty, but it also has some funny times thrown in. Dean is a sassy girl the whole time and I love him so much. And the plot twist at the end literally blew my mind. (brains splattered on the ceiling and everything.) 12/10.

29. And Even In The Quiet Night by @KelpietheThundergod - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: Okay, this one is pretty sad. Not full on angst, but more fluffy sad. (If that makes sense...) Dean wants to celebrate Christmas but no one else seems interested. I just want to wrap Dean in a blanket and sing Hey Jude until he feels better! But don't worry, an absolute beautifully written cliche and sappy ending will make up for it.

30. Just More of the Same (*??) by @outpastthemoat - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts : There really aren't words to describe this series. It's just so fricken bleak but beautiful at the same time. I really don't know how to describe it. Read it, the only regret is that it ends. I honestly hated how it ended, so unfullfilling. But, that's life sometimes, and I think that's the whole point of the series. I don't know if I love it or hate it but there's no denying that it is absolutely beautifully written. 12/10

31. the cost of a thing**by @quiettewandering - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: Hooo boy! This is a great fic! Fake marriage? Check. Slow burn? Check. Case!fic? Check. Fluff and angst? Check. This fic has it all. This fic kicked me right in the feels. My gosh, beautifully written and the characterization is FLAWLESS. But trust me, bring tissues as you watch Dean and Cas, slowly, painfully, but surely heal the trust that was shattered between them. This is an AU for season 8 in which Dean was the one who undertook the trials, not Sam. Dean is dying and there's nothing Sam and Cas can do to stop him, especially since Dean is insistent on just giving up and accepting his fate. Cas can save Dean's life, but at what cost? Surely a terrible one... Angst insues. 10/10.

32. I'll Dig a Hole and Pull You Through by @JoCarthage - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: If yall hated the DeanCas interaction in season six (didn't we all...?) then this is the fixit!fic for you. In this fic, Dean helps Cas defeat Raphael. And boy, there's some flangst. (Also Dom!Cas is a thing 😏)

33. Stitches by @Askance - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: I wouldn't exactly call this a fixit!fic, buuut it is a sort of fixit for season 7. (Except Cas gets hurt, which I hate. {So does Dean...}) Cas survives the Laviathan taking over his vessal but is rendered blind. Sam and Dean have to take care of him. Loads of whump and hurt/comfort. Definitely shed a tear or two (or twenty.)

34. The Way Out* by @awed_frog - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: *fangirl noises*. I hate to say this, but OMG! This fic blew my frickin mind! The time line is very confusing and the author gives you a way to read it in chronological order, but it's worth it to read the way it was published. Everything starts making sense around the third to last chapter and it is glorious (-ly sad and angsty.) But there is a happy ending and it's soooo worth it. First timetravel!fic I've ever read and it did not disappoint.

35. What is Hidden, What is Seen* by @ExpatGirl.

Thoughts : Wow! This is a pretty long fic but so worth it. The author joked several times about the fact that the fic is longer than her Masters thesis. This is a complete season 11 re write and I LOVE it. It's got some beautifully written OCs, Crowley, Rowena, and a certain someone who needs to come back canonically. (Again, looking at you Spn writers...) This is just written so well and the author was able to put in small Easter eggs the whole way through just like any real season would. Some light smut but nothing too graphic, angst (Hello, my name is angst but you can call me Destiel.) There's even some humour in here too! All in all, an absolutely beautifully written fic.

36. And This, Your Living Kiss*** by @opal_bullets - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: Okay, first off, insert fangirl screams here! I LOVED this fic. (And not just because I'm a clown {which I totally am} but for some personal reasons I'll elaborate on in a sec...) This is an amazingly written, thought-provoking, and heartwarming fic to read. I loved it especially as it featured poet!Dean which I don't find a lot of. Now, I particularly liked this fic because it really hit home for me. The author described exactly how I feel when it comes to poetry. They described how poets often write best in times of sadness and misery and how we often stop writing because we are destroying ourselves in our own heads and can find nothing to write about when we finally allow ourselves to be happy. The author puts it perfectly in this fic. Not only did the fic make me rethink some of the opinions that I've had on poetry writing for years, but it also inspired me to pick up my pen again after not writing for almost a year and a half. So, thank you to the author for getting me back into writing poetry. (I can't thank you enough! ❤️) Please read this fic yall!

37. What We Remember by @Tiro - Fanfic.net

Thoughts : (Not Destiel btw) Oh my Chuck. This is soooo sad. Some nice emotionallyscarred!Dean for ya. It starts out so unassuming too! Totally blindsided me with the angst. But also some brotherly love between Sam and Dean. Definitely worth a read. (P. S, I'm writing this from the floor of my room while I sob in fangirl.)

38. More or Less by @schmerzerling - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Oh my goodness this is such a great fic. Lots of emotional angst and trauma (Just the way I like it.) This fic is so amazing and I loved every minute of it. There are so few stutter!Dean fics out there. This fic is unfinished and hasn't been updated since 2016 but I think it is still worth a read. The point at which the fic is left off has no immediate cliff hangers so I think that the fic can still be appreciated as is. Definitely worth a read.

39. Every Part of the Animal (*?) by @Askance and @Komodobits - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - I hate this fic. I hate how dam* near perfectly written it is. I hate it for the hours I spent crying. I hate it for the hope it gave me before ripping it away like it was a game. This fic was recommended to me on a group chat. I was warned. I was warned that it was a terrifying, horrific, and heartbreaking fic. What did I do?? I read it anyway. (Shocker, I know...) This fic is genuinely terrifying. It's horrific and I have to say, READ THE THE TAGS. Beautifully written, as to be expected by the authors. (Both of whom have featured on this list before.) This is a case fic gone horribly, horrifically, disgustingly wrong. 10/10 would recommend, but be warned: there is NOT a happy ending.

40. Hautley's Bend **** by @ColdInTheStudio - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Okay! So, first of, if you aren't into long fics this is absolutely NOT the fic for you. A whopping 42 chapters, all masterfully written without a flaw or typo in sight. I LOVE this fic with all my heart. I mean, I'm an absolute clown when it comes to Highschool!AUs, but this fic is just... *chef's kiss. * This is the Highschool!fic you have all been wanting. It's got angst, it's got fluff, emotional trauma, not to mention some fan favourite characters. (Gabriel, Charlie, and Kevin to name just a few.) But you should check out the tags before reading as there's some heavy stuff dealt with in this fic: Dean is not a very nice person at the beginning of this fic. There's also underage drinking and detailed substance abuse. Self harm is also pretty prominent in this fic as well as some A+ John Winchester parenting. But the pain is so, so worth it. Bring tissues!

41. Stay With Me, Sweetheart by @MandalaRose - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - The fluff is too much! I mean, we got firefighter!Dean saving Cas' life! (For Chuck's sake...What more could you ask for?) Also some single father Cas caring for a baby Clair, so some cute daddy!Cas for your troubles. So sweet and heartwarming and a very happy ending. 10/10.

42. Season Z*** by @Castielslostwings, @CR Noble, @cutelittlekitty, @EllenOfOz, @fangirlingtodeath513, @heylittleangel, @jscribbles, @MalMuses, and @son_of_a_bitch_spn_family - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - So you might notice that there are LOTS of authors listed above and they all came together to create something beautiful. They started publishing chapters right after the season 14 finale and published a chapter every week until the season 15 premier. This is, essentially, a complete season 15 re write. It is masterfully done! Team Free Will vs. a zombie apocalypse. Also, lots and lots of old faces all brought together to save the world one last time. There's some heartbreak, some love, some smut, some fluff. (Also some Samwena to make everything even better.) 22 long chapters, each feeling like an actual episode, made this fic seem like an actual season. (And I wish the writers would steal from this fic's finale and make some... stuff... finally canon.) Truly a timeless Destiel masterpiece.

43. Something about Pinneaples by @lizleenimbus - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This is an EXTREMELY adorable little DeanCas ficlet. No angst, no Big Sad ™, just sweet sweet, tooth rotting Destiel fluff.

44. Last Night on Earth by @the_communist_unicorn - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Sooo, I'm sure we all remember that disastrous night out, when the first big ol Apocalypse was gearing up, and Dean found out that Cas was an eons-old virgin... And I'm sure we all remember the disaster that was Cas and a prostitute. Anyways, here's what might have happened if Dean had taken a bit more of a... hands on approach. 😏 The chapters are all episodes that took place after the season five episode "Free To Be You And Me" and how they would have unfolded had Destiel become canon. I will warn you, their is smut (easily skippable) and there is DEFINITELY some angst. The whole thing is capped off with a bittersweet alternate ending to season five finale "Swan Song." I can't say much else without spoiling the ending, but all in all it is a very good fic to read.

45. Painted Angels *** by @WinJennster - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- HOLY FRAHOLY. I love this fic. A beautiful take on the classic trope of "We Had Something Good But I Ruined It, Now I'm Gonna Show Up Twelve Years Later And Try To Fix It... Also You're Engaged To Someone Else. Oops?" But seriously, all joking aside, this is an awesome fic. Painter!Dean x Writer!Cas, a match made in Heaven. (Hehe, get it? Heaven? Sorry I'll leave.) HOWEVER, do please be mindful of the tags. There is mentions of suicide and a couple paragraphs describing a rather grizzly accident to one of the main characters. Also, some lovely A+ John Winchester Parenting ™ and several instances of homophobic language. Still, this is an amazingly written fic and I can't stress how much I enjoyed it.

46. Forgotten *** by @NorthernSparrow - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- So, first off, I have to talk about the author for a little bit. I have read every single fic by Northern Sparrow and EVERY SINGLE ONE is a friggin masterpiece. The amount of research and backstory that goes into these fics is truly awe-inspiring. Northern Sparrow leaves no plot holes, no mistakes, no typos, nada. Now, the actual fic in question is no exception. While not particularly a Destiel fic, it can be taken as pre slash. There is a sequel, a Destiel version and a non Destiel version, called Flight that I am currently reading as well. (The Destiel version of course 🤡) There is some serious whump and angst here, both physical and emotional. This fic is a canon divergent from around mid season 9, in which there is no Mark of Cain and is a continual re write of the season. Cas goes through a lot in this fic (my poor baby) and Dean and Sam go through some gnarly stuff as well. This is such a good fic, I really can't stress enough. I wish I was half as talented as Northern Sparrow is when it comes to writing stories. I promise, you will NOT be disappointed. 12/10

47. All is safely gathered in by @randomdestielfangirl - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Here is a cute little coda for season 12 episode 6, “Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox.” It’s mostly Mary-centric and her understanding of the Dean/Cas relationship. I’ve always had a soft spot for season 12 codas where Mary sees that Dean and Sam have grown up. (Especially those that have DeanCas in them.)

48. Bring Up the Deep by @deathbanjo - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Here is a pretty cool case!fic with eventual Destiel fluff at the end. The story line is a little heavy and dark, but nothing more than canon-typical violence. This involves Sam, Dean, and a human Cas traveling to the beach to investigate a “sea monster.” Fair warning, there are moments describing Cas’ depression and struggle with figuring out who he is and who he wants to be, but again, not as bad as season 9... (STILL not forgiving the writers for that fiasco.)

49. Hazy Shade of Winter by @GeekPrincess - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Here is yet another case!fic. This one has Team Free Will and Mary teaming up to solve a case in rural Wyoming in the middle of winter. It takes place not too long after Mary’s resurrection and Sam being freed from the British Men of Letters. At first it seems to be just a normal case, but per Winchester fashion, someone ends up getting attacked. Definitely worth a read.

50. A Little Old Fashioned by @theheartchoice - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Another coda, sorry... (I’ve been going through a faze) This one takes place in the aftermath of 14x13 episode “Lebanon.” I was disappointed that Cas didn’t play that big of a role in the 300th episode. I thought for sure he would considering he WASN’T EVEN IN THE 200TH EPISODE. *Clears throat* Umm, ya. Just some Destiel fluff of Cas taking care of Dean’s wounds the old fashioned way after John’s departure.

51. Same Deep Water by @braezenkitty - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Team Free Will heads to California to investigate a string of mysterious deaths in a supposedly haunted hotel called the Brookdale Lodge, nestled in the redwoods of Santa Cruz. I particularly enjoyed this fic because it has a definite early SPN vibe. Very creepy and eerie and reminded me a lot of No Exit (2x06) and Playthings (2x11). Also a bit of flirty!Cas and jealous!Dean.

52. Looking for a Sign* by @emwebb17 - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- THIS FIC... is sooo adorable. Holy Chuck. Dean meets Cas on his bus ride to work and tries to talk with him. Not realizing that Cas is deaf, Dean just assumes he’s being ignored and goes out of his way to get Cas to interact with him. After weeks of no response he finally realizes that Cas can’t hear him and so Dean offers that they start over with their acquaintanceship. Dean meets all of Cas’ friends and they quickly grow closer and closer. They would be perfect for each other except Cas refuses to date hearing people. (Also, bonus points for the pun in the title.)

53. Peanut Butter-Pumpkin Wedding Cake by @Sparseparsley - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I’ve seen this fic on so many rec lists and I’m so mad that it took me this long to finally read it. Bartender!Dean meets Cas at a bachelor party and they hit it off right away. Then, when Cas’ car breaks down, Dean offers to drive him around to make preparations for the upcoming wedding. Dean has a massive crush, but thanks to Dean’s remarkable ability to jump to conclusions, he thinks that Cas is the one getting married in 2 weeks. Read it just for the sake of watching two idiots dance around each other for weeks on end. They aren’t fooling anyone but themselves.

54. My Marble Guardian by @LadyDrace - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Bring tissues cuz this one hurts like a season 12 finale. (Heh. I’m hilarious.) Dean is killing himself trying to support little Sam after their parents die. Dean is close to ending it all and takes to talking to the marble angel statue that sits by his mother’s grave. I can’t say much else without spoiling the ending so you’ll have to read it yourself to find out how it ends.

55. The Law of Equivalent Exchange** by @awed_frog - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Holy crap! This fic is truly amazing. @awed-frog is one of my favourite authors of all time. (And has featured on this rec list before.) This fic follows Castiel caring for his ward, a man who will one day be called Dean Winchester. Follow Cas through Rome, Greece, Paris, Russia, Germany, and more as he guides the impossibly bright soul that Heaven claims will one day save them all. In other words, Cas is sent to earth to watch over Dan, son of Enoch and continues to do so until January 24th, 1979, the day Dean Winchester is finally born. The fic then becomes canon-compliant all the way until season 11, then stems into a canon-divergent for defeating Amara. All from Cas’ POV, we see how he went from being Castiel, Angel of Tears and Thursdays to Cas, Angel of Dean Winchester. 12/10.

56. A Way Back Home* by @thatpeculiarone - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Another AU with deaf!Cas. Dean is a lonely bakery owner whose past is full of heartbreak and loss. He meets Clair Novak, a mute girl who has no one to talk to, after Jody suggests that they meet. Neither are too keen on the idea at first, but they soon discover a perfect remedy for their predicament. Dean loves to tell stories and Clair loves to hear them. Dean has a story for every pastry in his bakery, and Clair soon realizes that all of Dean’s stories seem to revolve around one person. After finally discovering why Dean always looks sad when no one is looking, hates Valentines Day with a passion, and only ever talks about his best friend in the past tense, Clair is determined to help Dean get the happily-ever-after that he never got to have.

57. Such Familiar Magic by @saltnhalo - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This fic was inspired by the artwork of very talented @lizleeships here on Tumblr. This is the first witch AU I’ve ever read and it did not disappoint. Cas is a reclusive witch with unimaginable power and Dean is one of the most powerful familiars in North America. Both of our boys have some dark secrets and ghosts from their pasts threaten to separate the two for good.

58. I'm fine by @lizleenimbus - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Can I just say, WOW. This one is yet another small ficlet to go along with @lizleeships artwork. This fic, despite its short length, is so potent and amazing! The writer effortlessly blends the canon SPN with the world of Destiel and I am LIVING for it. The somber and quiet nature of this fic makes it an excellent read for a late at night fanfic session.

59. The Shadows on his Shoulders by @lizleenimbus (Yes, I know. Two in a row... I don't care.)- Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Okay, first off, @lizleenimbus has become one of my favourite fic writers EVER. This fic is canon compliant (sort of) for season 6, just when Dean is beginning to figure out that something is wrong with Sam. (In the soul department, that is.. .) This here is a wingfic to end all wingfics. I love the writing, the characterization, the plot, everything, just... *chefs kiss.*

60. The Care and Feeding of Castiel by @MalMuses - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Soooo, another wingfic!! (No, I don't have a problem. YOU have a problem...) I am a total sucker for wing!grooming DeanCas fics. I just, gosh! I love them so much! I love this fic more every time, no matter how many times I've read it before.

61. Asunder by @rageprufrock - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Now, listen here lil clowns. Everyone loves a good "I need a plus one for my brother's wedding" trope and this here fic is the perfect one. And if you don't love it, this is absolutely NOT the fic for you. Sam is getting married and Dean doesn't want to go to it alone, so he enlists the company of his best friend Cas to go with him. Shenanigans and misunderstandings ensue, topped off with a healthy serving of meddling family members. A great rainy afternoon read.

62. Good Call by @sysrae - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - First, please be mindful of the tags as Dean meets Cas by talking him off of a ledge. However, despite the horrible start, this series is still incredibly fluffy and sappy. It also has Therapist!Benny being exasperated by Dean and Cas' utter stupidity around each other. This is a very heartwarming fic that balances the angst with fluff perfectly.

63. 'Tis but a Crush by @Annie D - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Here is an awesome little meet cute modern AU fic! Cas notices that a man with startling green eyes stares at him whenever they are together. Cas is interested immediately but the green eyed man seems too shy to approach Cas. Fluff and awkward moments soon follow.

64. Where There's Smoke, Theres Fire** by @OsirisApollo - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - So, first of, I am absolutely in LOVE with Firefighter!Dean. Cas is an ER doctor who meets Dean after the fire alarm in his apartment building goes off. Cas manages to make a fool of himself but is comforted by the fact that he'll never see the attractive firefighter again. Boy, was Cas wrong. The two men seem to run into each other practically everywhere, and no matter how hard Cas tries, he always seems to embarrass himself with every meeting. This fic was responsible for making me squeal aggressively at 2 AM. 10/10 Destiel fluff.

65. Forget - Me - Not -Blues*** by @noangelsinthegarrison - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a fic that I go back and read over and over again. It’s got a perfect balance of fluff and angst, misunderstandings, and a healthy dose of clueless, meddling family and friends. Bottom line is, Sam is getting married and Dean is going to be the best man. He’s thrilled, until he finds out that Castiel Novak is Jess’ honorary Maid of Honour. Dean and Cas had a... something or other back in high school. Dean would ask to be friends again but Cas is intent on pretending that they never knew each other in the first place. Misunderstandings, awkward moments, and an obscene amount of embarrassment ensues, no thanks at all to the “tradition” surrounding the Maid of Honour and the Best Man. 10/10.

66. Ignore the Butterflies: Best Friend Advice from Dean Winchester by @impatient14 - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Okay, this one has practically every romcom trope out there... AND I AM LIVING FOR IT. (*Clears throat) Ya, soooo. Doctor Cas and Firefighter Dean are friends. Best friends actually. Totally platonic bros. A bromance for the ages. The broist bros to ever bro. That’s it. No homosexual feelings to be found here. None at all... Or so Dean tries to convince himself.

67. Prosopagnosia by @misseditallagain - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Man, this fic is really adorable and quite heartbreaking at times. Cas has a cognitive disorder that means he can’t ever remember faces. He’s given up on finding love until he meets one Dean Winchester, but he’s afraid to tell his hot date the truth about his condition. Assumptions are made and misunderstandings threaten to tear the two apart for good, but maybe there’s a chance for these two after all.

68. Midnight Blues AKA To Hell and Back (Courtesy of Sig Sauer) by @outofminutes - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- As we all know, I am a glutton for damaged!Dean being cared for by Cas. Dean is a war veteran. He’s been discharged for five years but he hasn’t dared to go back home until now. He’s not the same person he was all those years ago and the constant haunting of horrors past threaten to tear him apart. Thankfully, he’s got a loving family and a new friend (Hehe. Guess who. Sorry, I’ll leave) to help him pick up the pieces.

69. Scars by @lemonsorbae - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Okay, first off: WOOOO 69! NOICE! OKay, I’m done... So, this fic stands out to me for the writers unique take on some popular tropes. Dean is a tattoo artist with green hair (Insert Priestly from Ten Inch Hero here.) and Cas is the stereotypical hipster. They don’t get along very well at the beginning of this fic. (Which is a HUGE understatement btw). Then, a drunken party leads to certain... unsavory actions, and both swear that it will never happen again. And that’s a total lie. Lots of smutty times in this one so be warned, also references to past trauma for both of our favourite boys so please mind the tags before reading.

70. The One Thing You Can’t Lose by @MajorEnglishEsquire - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is just a cuddly, tooth-rottingly fluffy little ficlet for some happy DeanCas feels. Warning: Do not read in public place for there WILL be squeals.

71. The Ugly Sweater Verse by @nerdylittledude - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I know, I know. Everyone who’s ever read Destiel fanfiction has heard of the Ugly Sweater Verse. I don’t care! I’m reccing it anyway. A newly human Castiel wants to experience every holiday to its fullest, dragging Dean and Sam (But mostly Dean) along with him. This is an AU for after season 5 in which Sam is alive, Cas is human, and Dean finally gets his head out of his ass. (With a little... okay a lot of help from the rest of Team Free Will.) This is an awesome feel-good Verse that is always nice to read after a bad day. There is a prequel to this Verse that is stand-alone, but you don’t have to read it to get the rest of the Verse. (Also, if you’re only looking for fluffy times then I wouldn’t recommend reading the prequel. You have been warned.)

72. Cats and Tats by @cryptomoon - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This here is the quintessential Coffee Shop AU that no one asked for. Cas owns a coffee shop that is right next door to a tattoo shop owned by our own Dean Winchester. Dean doesn’t like the pastel coffee shop because it totally ruins his badassery vibe, and Cas doesn’t need another distraction like Dean, and poor Sam never gets a moments peace.

73. Moving On by @BruisedCastiel - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Castiel is a witch who reads fortunes for a living. One day he gets a customer named Dean whose reading has a shocking outcome. Not too much later, Dean’s ghost comes looking for Castiel seeking answers. This fic starts out pretty sad and things look hopeless for Dean and Cas but don’t worry! There IS a happy ending.

74. Into the Fire** by @NorthernSparrow- Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I’ve mentioned on this list before that NorthernSparrow is my favourite fic writer of all time. And their work has been featured several times on this list before. Now, be warned. This fic gets VERY dark VERY quickly. Dean, shortly after the Mark of Cain is removed, is cursed and he kills Cas. The trauma of the Mark, the guilt he feels for killing Cas, and the looming threat of the Darkness sends Dean into a mental breakdown. Sam, mourning the loss of Cas himself, is left to try and put together what is left of Dean’s sanity AND to come up with a plan to defeat the Darkness. Sam and Dean, with the help of several allies, come together to save the universe once and for all. This is a full AU starting sometime in early season 11 and finishes all the way through the end of the season. There is a lot of sadness and guilt in this fic, so please be careful going into it. Bring tissues. I cried gratuitously throughout this fic. But don’t worry because THERE IS A HAPPY ENDING. Bonus points for TrueForm!Cas. 15/10.

75. There’d Be No Distance by @imogenbynight - Archive Of Our Own.

Thoughts- Just a short, feel-good, fluffy Christmas fic for ya. Cas is lonely on New Years because he assumes that he won’t be welcome to the family get-together. But don’t worry! Dean sets the record straight with his angel. (Well...Not straight but... you know what I mean.)

76. Imperfect Proposals by @Fallen_Angel_Meg - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Okay, so, Cas is a total jerk at the beginning of this fic. He’s demanding, arrogant, cruel, and just rude to practically everyone who works at his firm. Dean is his new assistant and needs this job if he’s ever going to make it as an architect, but Castiel isn’t making it easy for him. Things get more complicated when Cas is threatened with being deported so he says that Dean is his fiance. Dean isn’t on board until Cas threatens to fire him if he doesn’t play along. Now they just have to make it through Sam and Jess’ wedding. Easy... Right? (There IS a happy ending it just takes these two idiots a while to get there.)

77. The Novak Hickey Mystery by @FagurFiskur - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is just a short ficlet involving Professor Novak’s mysterious relationship and some VERY nosy students. Nice and quick happy-go-lucky fic with no angst and plenty of tooth rotting fluff.

78. Come Back* by @lizleenimbus - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is yet another short, canon-verse ficlet for you guys. (I know these last couple fics have been pretty short but I have been reading so many long fics recently that I’ve needed a bit of a mental break from the stress of a slow burn lol) Anyways, this is one of my favourite authors. Literally, every single thing by this author is a freaking gold mine of Destiel goodness. This particular ficlet chronicles Dean and Cas sharing an intimate conversation after a particularly nasty hunt. I love these types of fics in which Dean and Cas actually Use There Words™ and talk like Grown Ups™. (Never happens canonically so I’ll take what I can get. Looking at you SPN writers.) ALSO, this fic is inspired by artwork by everyone’s favourite go to Destiel artist @lizleeships! 10/10!

79. And then there were Six* by @lizleenimbus - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I know, I know. Two in a row by the same author... This author rocks okay! (Seriously, go check them out) This right here is a wing fic my friends. But not the type we are used to. It involves a bashful Cas, flustered Dean (And I know we ALL love a flustered Dean), and a very amused little brother. I love this ficlet especially as it is a beautiful take on the fact that Seraphim are supposed to have six wings.

80. Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day by @awed_frog - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Here’s another fic from a “rec list favourite” author of mine. This is a pretty cool case fic with an awesome monster of the week. (Japanese folklore at its finest.) A creature manifests itself as a person’s true love. Sam sees Jess, Cas sees Dean, Dean sees Cas (And has a freakout along the way.)

81. Memories Bring Back Memories (Bring Back You) by @sobsicles - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Hoooo Boy! Talk about an angst fest. Set sometime in early season 15, Dean and Cas get their memories wiped and Dean is convinced that they are serial killers on the run from some tall guy named Sam. Things get awkward when they get their memories back, as they also remember what the two of them did when they were on the run together. Dean talks out of his a*s, Cas gets angry (rightfully so), Sam and Eileen just want a moments peace, and LOTS of bad blood gets let out out into the open for the first time in years. This fic was hard to read because, true to Winchester fashion, Dean and Cas’ communication during this fic is TERRIBLE. Just when you think the two of them are about to hash things out, one of them goes and says something stupid and they have to start all over again. I definitely recommend this fic, but be prepared to brave some hardcore angst before Dean and Cas get their happy ending.

82. Lost in Words, Hand in Hand* by @hallowgirl - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is the fluffiest fluffy fic to ever fluff! (Try saying that 10 times fast.) Dean tells Cas that he never got read to as a child, so Cas takes it upon himself to read to Dean. It was supposed to be a one time thing, but the two enjoy the time together more than they thought they would. Plus, there’s so many books to read, and laying in the same bed is just practical. That’s it. Just guys being dudes. And if Dean happens to fall asleep on Cas’ shoulder? Well, that’s not his fault at all. (Also, bonus points for Sam being the typical smug little bro who lets Dean know that he and Cas aren’t as subtle as they think they are.

83. La Hantise** by @quiettewandering - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Okay so, I have been waiting to read this fic for FOREVER. I read the first couple chapters a long time ago (back when it was still a WIP) and I immediately fell in love. I decided, rather painfully, to stop reading and save it to my Marked For Later until it was finished. I have a hard time when it comes to WIPs because I forget what I read during the previous update and I often times lose interest until I can read it all in one go. I couldn’t wait to read it and I was not disappointed! This fic is BEAUTIFULLY written and the story seems to come to life before your eyes. This is the Destiel we all fell in love with; Two damaged and broken beings finding peace within each other. Warning: these two are complete idiots and there’s a lot of pining and some pretty hefty angst. Castiel’s backstory is truly, completely and utterly, tragic. Dean’s isn’t a picnic either I suppose, but it’s Cas past that comes back to haunt Dean and Cas in this fic. The author seamlessly interweaves the reality with the make believe and it sucks the reader into the story effortlessly. 14/10. A Destiel classic.

84. Cheers, Angel Eyes by @wannaliveindeansdimples - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- As I’m sure you all know by now, I am in love with bartender! and barista!Dean. This fic has a healthy dose of bartender!Dean for you. In this fic, Castiel, known to Dean only as Angel Eyes, is a regular at the bar that Dean owns. The two hit it off during the few conversations that they have and decide to give themselves a chance. Very minimal angst and only just a small bit of pining from Dean’s POV. A very good, quick, none painful read.

85. best friends without benefits by @lizbobjones - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This fic is set between the end of season 11 and the beginning of season 12 and is canon divergent for the most part. This one is pretty funny and enjoyable to read, if only for the sake of poor Sam and Mary dealing with two complete idiots. Dean lets slip to Cas that he finds Cas driving Baby “hot” and Cas admits that he has known of Dean’s attraction for years. Cas proposes he and Dean enter a Friends With Benefits relationship and Dean just can’t say no. But Dean just digs himself deeper and deeper into trouble after he mistakes Cas’ preposition as a rejection of deeper feelings. Misunderstandings happen, Dean is a big baby, Cas is clueless, and Sam is stuck in the middle.

87. Shifter by @@LadyLini - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- There are tons and tons of fics out there where Dean and Cas are the bumbling idiots of the story (Yes, just like in the show) and Sam is the one who has everything figured out. But this fic looks at the idea of Sam being the one out of the loop and Dean and Cas being the ones who actually know what the heck is going on. This is a cool AU in which Sam went to Stanford, John Winchester is still an ass hole, and Destiel is canon. This was a cool take on how the events of the show would have taken place if Sam wasn’t there and Cas had been the one to save Dean from Azazel.

89. diamond star halo by @jad - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a wonderfully light-hearted little fic in which Cas possesses Dean while his vessel recovers from the attack dog spell. We also get some great brotherly banter, Cas and Dean bickering like an old married couple, and other Team Free Will shenanigans. Also, poor Sam.

90. like moses and batman and james dean by @saltyfeathers - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Oooohh boy. This fic is quite the can of worms for me. Here, the author gives us a more detailed account of Dean’s past of turning tricks in order to raise liittle Sammy, and how this past is affecting his current relationship with our Wayward Angel. This is a heavier fic and please be mindful of the tags (Yes, John Winchester’s A+ parenting is one of them...) But it DOES have a happy ending.

91. any port in the storm by @mishcollin - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- If you are looking for a case!fic with Dean and Cas pretending to be dating on a couple’s cruise then you have come to the right place. I love this fic specifically for the care and detail of the case. Even more, there are lots and lots of OCs in this fic and every single one of them has their own personality and backstory. Be warned; there are lots of arguments between the elder Winchester and newly human Castiel. (Most of them because Dean is a big ol idiot in this fic and keeps the possible location of Cas’ fallen grace from him because of his Winchester Fear Of Abandonment ™)

92. Sunset Plaza by @LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Dang! This is a great fic. Cas is practically married to his work and never goes on vacations, so his loving brother Gabriel decides to book him a weekend at a resort. Cas ends up having to share his room with one Dean Winchester the first night due to a problem with the server at the hotel. But they manage to make the best of it (if ya know what I mean...) Everything is great until its time to go home. They could make it work, but our lovable idiots can’t let anything be that easy. (Extra points for a little dash of Sabriel and meddling Gabriel.)

93. Longing by @whelvenwings - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a really fluffy fic set in canonverse. Dean and Cas finally have a discussion that has been long in the making, ending years of mutual pining. The tone of this fic is very sweet and is a great, feel-good, nightime read. Give me Destiel and Impala confessions and I’m one happy clown.

94. Hallelujah! Noel! Be it Heaven or Hell by @EnochianThings - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Enochian Things is one of my favourite fic writers of all time! I can’t believe its taken me this long to rec this fic. This is an angsty holiday fic in which Cas confesses his feelings first and Dean is a total assbutt about it. Dean is at a loss after he realizes that he might of just driven away the one thing that could have made him the happiest: Cas. (Oh, don’t get me started on a rejected Cas... My heart can’t bear his sultry saraphim sadness.)

95. I’ll Cross the Sky for You by @superhoney - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I am going to start this off by saying that I wasn’t really into this fic at first. I had found it through tags alone and it sat in my Marked for Later for months. I liked the tags, but I wasn’t sure about the premise of the fic. I could NOT have been more wrong. This fic was absolutey adorable. Barista!Dean meets Captain!Castiel... but in space! (With space ships and everything!) Anyways, very adorable, very cute. Definately worth checking out.

96. Nepeta Cataria* by @thepopeisdope - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I would literally give anything for there to be more Witch!Cas x Familiar!Dean fics out there. This is one of my top five favourite AUs and I feel like it is so lacking compared to many of the others. In this fic, Cas is a lonesome witch who plants catnip to prevent mosquitoes from being in his garden. Little did he know that it would aslo attract Dean, a powerful familiar, who just so happens to be the love of Cas’ life. (Familiar!Dean is almost always a dog in the fics I find so it was great to get to see him as a cat. Honestly, Cat Familar!Dean might be my favourite.)

#supernatural #dean winchester #spn spoilers #sam winchester #castiel #destiel #fanfic #emotional whump #wingfic #dean winchester fanfiction #castiel fanfiction #im a clown #spn s15 #spn meta #fic rec #ficrec

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nomand-berserka · 4 years

Text

A little openly honest abridged intro in to me and dealing with my head and my black dog.

I am the newly appointed Team Leader for West Yorkshire with the guys at Veterans Hike. @veteranshike

Ive found a love for hiking over the past few months, since this crazy lockdown here in the UK.

I have struggled a lot over the years since leaving the Army, still dont feel like I fit into the bracket called Civvie. I know that may sound a little cliche. But it is exactly what it is.

I joined the forces straight from school. There was nothing for me where I lived, and with a long proud military history in my family, I felt it's what I'd always wanted and knew in my early to mid teens, that I'd join up.

I felt I did pretty well, considering pretty much everyone I knew, thought that I wouldnt even make it past selection. Well I pissed on their parade let me tell ya.

I'm not going to go into the ins and out of my career. But the tours I did, were SFOR (peacekeeping) Bosnia 98 and Op Agricola Kosovo 99.

Now with that, I've seen some pretty fkd up stuff at the ages of 18 and 19.. But you crack on and get the job the done. Get back home and continue as normal.

Now upon leaving the Army, I felt very lost. Ended up going from job to job, due to not being able to fit in with or liking the people I worked with. Often getting pushed out because of having a different mindset... This turned into a serious dislike for people in general. There was no bond, no brotherhood, everyone out for themselves and didnt care who they fkd over to get what they wanted.

This became the time I started with the heavy drinking and the stupid violence, infact the drink and the violence became the reason I lost my family and almost ended up 6 feet under.

The violence continued, as I just hated everyone... for lots of different reasons. This then led to me serving time on a couple of occasions. But it still continued after being locked up... I didnt see it as a problem, as I just thought "I wont take peoples shit", and I'll show anyone who tries to give me shit. That it will lead to getting hurt. Jump forward to being left for dead with 2 stab wounds... Yes it got that bad. Maybe I was asking for my way out?

Jump forward a year or so of living a dark time.

Its then i got into martial arts (Muay Thai under the tutilage of master Ronnie Green 5 time world champion), a friend of mine didnt want to see me locked up again. Or with more perforations than a "Tetley Tea bag". This became my drive again, I'd found something I could focus on and put myself, my whole self into again.

First session in, I was hooked. Had my first full contact fight at just over 6 months and had plenty thereafter, still have the copy of my official invite to the 2013 world championships. This was my crowing glory moment... This is where I'd found the focus to not be that drunked violent ass hat. My fitness went through the roof and I felt good again for the first time in years

Injury got me though, put me right back to not being able to train. Even ended my career, I tried to train again, but way too soon. Causing myself more problems. Taking even longer to get back to 100%

My anger started to creep back, the bad food the drinking... and yes the violence. then jump again forward to going back to prison for a very violent episode in 2015. Where 2 people got badly hurt. I pleaded guilty. I tried to reach out for help before the day in court. But it was too little too late...

However, in prison this time in 2016 I asked for help. Where can i get it, and who can help me the most.. There was a small eager group called Care after Combat, they concentrate on helping Veterans, who are sent to prison. During and after release. (I'll go into them at a later date).

I've kept my nose clean since then, was officially Dignosed with PTSD in 2017, so done a few local therapy courses Anger Management, CBT but still no actual PTSD help as of yet. Combat Stress, I think may have forgotten about me hahaha.

But the thought of prison!!!! id rather not go back ever again. Plus I'm getting on now, and not a 25 year old dick head. Eith a chip on his shoulder about civvies anymore.

Jump forward again, to present Covid 19 times.

I'm a joiner now put myself through College 12 years ago. The outdoors have always agreed with me. But after a work accident last year in August I had 14 weeks sat at home gaining weight. Bordem drinking and eating shit and the head started to go again. But thankfully got back to work early December.

In March 2020 and we get Furloughed. For however long it may take.

So I gave myself THE talking to. Stay off the booze (well not completely hehe). Keep yourself busy. Find a focus in something, anything. Just dont he that dickhead again.

So here I am, I spend at least 3 days a week walking the Pennines and the moors between my beloved Yorkshire and the dark soggy lands of Lancahire. Its literally 20 minutes from my door to where I park the motor. My head still goes south, but more into the low mood and hating myself for allowing what I'd done in the past. I've had depression for years, but it was always over shadowed by my stupidity. So when it does that, i hit my local park and do 10 laps (8 miles) of that. Or just get my pack ready and hit the trails. Often doing around 15-20 miles.

Now I've started with a small Daystack and have started adding weight, carring 15kg. plus 3 litre camelback, food stuff and inclement weather gear. Its north of England the weather does what it wants. "If tha dunt lyk weather, jus bloody wait 20 minutes It'l change". hahaha.

Doing this has given me more drive in my fitness and massively boosted my mental state. Plus the escape from the rat race bollox that we all have to live through. More and more people have started to notice my weight loss. Down from 20 stone to just over 17 stone. Now I'm as round as I am tall, but for a fat lad I've been told I'm pretty fit... Guess all those years in the Army, years of Muay Thai and Kempo Jiu Jitsu. It must have left some form of conditioning and muscle memory. So this again boosts me. I'm now picking up the weights at home and even got a bike... so this new found fitness is a fantastic feeling again... it's not just about keeping busy anymore, it's about showing people. Who I'd alienated during all these years, that I'm not the same guy, and they are wanting to come on hikes with me now

(Its also pushed me to train for the 3 peaks... but that's another story for another time)

It's also the biggest Therapy I can give myself, sometimes I go it alone and sometimes I have company. The outdoors is literally where I feel at my easiest and most peaceful... The benefits are there for everyone who knows me, to see. Its physically demanding, but it's so peaceful. If I bump into other people, there is always a nod a smile and a "morning/afternoon" exchanged. Not all people are nob heads haha!

I cant stress enough how good it feels to keep occupied physically and mentally, buy doing something I never thought I'd do...

It's become my passion... I'm looking into longer routes all the time, and now looking at some proper outdoors gear. Better rucksack even a tent. If being up the hills for a few hours or just a day, makes me feel things are better. Then surely a couple of days and nights will be even better...Right?

I want to thank anyone who takes the time to reads this, however you see it. Be it on insta, Tumbler or FB. So cheers guys and gals.

We all have hardships, we all need that help at some point. Go out and find what makes it all better, please guys. We all deserve to smile for what ever reason.

Who knows, we may even cross trails someday. You'll always get a smile and a nod from me.

Steve

The Nomad Beserka

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rkkyg · 5 years

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MNET GLOBAL AUDITIONS EPISODE 4 ; DUO PERFORMANCES

partner ; @ericxrk song choices ; anything you can do (i can do better) - annie get your gun cast [ 1:06 - 2:20 ] + love never felt so good - michael jackson [ 0:44 - 1:14 ] guy part both times *both dancer choreographed by eric and yugyeom

the end of episode three does not come with dry eyes.

yugyeom thought he would be able to handle seeing one of his friends get eliminated, he thought he would be fine as long as he stayed because he was still getting the chance to work for his goals and he could carry on with the dreams of his friends. thats what he thought going into this. and really, he never had thought there would be a reason to worry because his friends are all crazy talented--more so than him--and they would survive on this show longer than he would.

it was something he was so fucking sure of. something he would have staked this whole show on. no one he considered a friend would leave, not suwoong, not hyunggu, not jinyoung.

then why was jinyoungs name coming up as someone eliminated?

there was obvious shock on his features, his eyes wide and mouth open as he takes in what had just happened. he couldn’t believe of everyone in this room, it was park jinyoung they eliminated.

his eyes watered without his approval, and he furiously wiped at them with the back of his hand as he tried to keep a straight even face. trying to keep calm when really he wanted to stand up and tell them they were wrong for cutting jinyoung. they were wrong for eliminating the best singer on this show. how could they not see that about his hyung?

and then to top it off the next episode was going to be fucking duo’s again. sure, yugyeom is all for routine. he’s all for getting a set schedule going and following it as well as he could with maybe some blips here and there. but this show was supposed to show who had the skill to be an idol right? if they have them do the same shit over and over then how are they going to really show off? he supposes they’re weeding people out well enough but he can’t help but question how the fuck they’re deciding who goes and who stays when a performer like jinyoung was cut---hell, he had thought jinyoung hyung and jeonghan ssi performances were the best of the show.

it hurts more too because he feels between him and jinyoung it should be his hyung moving on. he doesn’t feel like he should even go home and face the older tonight when he’s holding a spot that so obviously belongs to his hyung.

his hand it back rubbing at his eyes and god he wishes hyunggu was here beside him right now. he wishes he could have reached out to clung to the younger as hyunggu always seems to know what he needs. he likes kyungsoo enough but he wouldn’t be turning to the other in a moment like this, wouldn’t show his weakness off to someone who was now just another rival contestant as they aren’t paired up.

speaking of... he supposes he should go and find his partner.

eric turned out to be a bright kid, friendly and talented and a dancer. which yugyeom couldn’t have been more happy about because ( no shade at you kyungsoo, you were great ) it would be so great to be back in his zone with dancing. this kid was, well, a kid was really the first thing yugyeom noticed and focused on and it was absolutely a point of stress for him this week because he’s been known to not be good with kids.

but there’s a time to start and apparently that was now. besides, he could have been paired with someone who was hard to work with or someone who was even a worse dancer but he didn’t and small victories are what he’s focusing.

he is ignoring the growing distress he feels regarding jinyoung and the second chance his hyung has because he really will lose it.

the week practicing with eric is a good time. like he said, the kid was cool--or did he say that yet? well, the kid is cool. his style of dance doesn’t match with yugyeoms preferred style but they make it work. he thinks they managed to get it figured out so that they were both showing off their own skills while also making a balanced performance that would be fun to watch.

his mind recalls the harsh comments he had gotten from nakyung during the third episode. how she said he seemed to bring kyungsoo down and as much as he didn’t believe that he didn’t want to bring eric down as well. he didn’t care what she said--he can’t even remember what she had done last time or the times before that so she must not have been all that good--and he’ll show her she can stuck her foot where her words come from.

with eric and this performance they have figured out he’s sure he can show the ceo’s, the other contestants, and everyone watching the show that he deserves to keep going.

he’s not dragging anyone down.

the day of the next episode comes around and yugyeom meets up with eric a bit before the time they are supposed to show up for recording. he could hear dongmin in his mind teasing him for being a mom as he whips out a water, and an granola bar. “here, eat up. it’s important to stay refreshed and recording last a while.” he speaks as he brings out the container he also packed that had some cut up fruits in it for them.

“don’t worry about the performance, okay? just go up and have fun, thats most important.” sometimes its funny how a year ago he probably wouldn’t have been as supportive or helpful even if they’re partners or teammates.

soon enough they’re inside and finding a seat. he’s making sure not to lose eric the whole time, while also checking for hyunggu as he hadn’t gotten the chance to check in on his best friend today yet. too focused on his duo partner. not that he has to worry much about hyunggu, the other male isn’t that much younger than him and he’s more than capable of looking after himself. blame it on the time he’s been leader and also his relationship change with dongmin.

he lives with concern for those around him. always making sure they have what they need and making sure they’re taking care of themselves.

throughout the recording and the other performances, yugyeom is making small comments to eric the whole time. mainly trying to keep the teen smiling, or keep him relaxed. the two of them look cool in their matching black outfits and now it was important to keep that vibe going.

especially when their names are called.

cool vibes... cool vibes. thats what yugyeom kept saying to himself because what he’s about to do is so not cool.

they get onto stage and stand side by side, together they recite. “bang bang! shoting for your heart, we are sharpshooters!” while doing finger guns at the ceo’s. yugyeom even pivots on his heel slightly to face the side. raising his finger gun up and blowing it off like they do in cool moves. “i’m kim yugyeom, please look forward to our performance!”

so lame.... so corny...

but fun. and yugyeom wanted this stage to be fun.

and then its time to begin their performance. they step to opposite sides of the stage, it’s eric who starts as he has the female lines in this song. they’re doing something so different than what they’ve all seen so far from this show. a musical number and then a classic song from the world famous michael jackson. both times they are dancing--but for the first song they were also going to lipsync. with all the needed facial expression.

Anything you can be, I can be greater. Sooner or later I'm greater than you.

their whole act is that they are trying to one up one another. which, isn’t that really whole this whole show is about? one upping the others on the show, trying to show and prove how youre better than they are so that the judges keep you around. there’s a sense of irony in his performance with eric today, he thinks.

it’s a little hard to not laugh or break out into a grin as he lipsyncs along with the song. it’s a funny song, and the dance that him and eric had choregraphed was fun and amusing all at the same time. he had a lot of fun performing it.

it had taken a lot of practice for them to get it down, in all honesty. some of the moves were not up yugyeoms alley of dance--at least not for their first choice. the second was the one where he would be showing off more.

the first song came to an end with a bang, the two of them posing and trying to pose in front of each other. they were only about a minute and fifteen into their time limit now. and it was time for the small mock argument which him and eric had talked out. they would mostly mime looking angry at each other before yugyeom tugged eric back to him with a grin.

“let’s do it together then, yeah? “ he said as the next song faded in, the familiar michael jackson song he had listen too a million times before needing to hearing it a million times more when choreographing for it. this one didn’t have all the needed facial expressions or lipsyncing. this time they were just supposed to look like they were having a good time when dancing which.

for yugyeom, not hard at all. he always tends to have a blast when he gets to dance and he’s sure that showed as he dance. his expression was bright, energetic, and he looked as if he was really enjoying himself on the stage.

and as the song fades, his smile only grows. not a grin as he normally has but a bright smile as his arm comes to sling around erics shoulder once the music ends. he feels proud of what they’ve done. like they really came onto this stage and showed off a fun performance. he thinks, for real this time, he did something that was creative and different. he thinks how was that nakyung? despite not even looking her way. instead he just smiles, and ruffles erics hair as they make their way back to their seats.

“you really killed it just now kid, that was awesome!” he cheers, bright and happy.

#rkmga5 #rkmga5duos2 #ericxrk #rkpjy #rkkhg #rksuwoong #rkkyungsoo #rknak #rkdongmin #wc;1830

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theuniversitychallengereview · 5 years

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UC 49.7-49.10

Every so often I manifest an incoherent plan to stop watching YouTube, borne out of some inchoate idea to do with productivity, but then I’ll watch a video so mundanely profound and inspiring that gives me more of a creative boost than any amount of time I would save by not watching 20-minute explainers on Game of Thrones lore. On this occasion that video was this, on the toolbox fallacy.

Simply, as the Passion of the Nerd puts it in his video, its the idea that one can’t do (x), until one has (y) - or, the lie one tells oneself in order to put off doing something, whatever that something may be. In my case, as is so often the case, the (y) is time. I haven’t written a blog for early two months, and in that period I told myself repeatedly that I was just waiting for that big long stretch of time where I could sit down and get everything done at once.

But that never happens, and the longer you go without starting, the bigger the pile gets, so eventually it becomes impossible to get through everything at once without a parcel of time so monstrously huge it is terrifiyng in its own right.

And thats where the fallacy comes in - you don’t need everything to be perfect in order to get started, and once you’ve started, you don’t need everything to go perfectly either. You just need to start. So lets get started.

Episode 7 - Jesus, Oxford vs Manchester

I live in Manchester now (aside: before I got my job here I applied for a PhD at ManUni with a guy called Dr Kiss, a sliding doors moment which could have resulted in my failing to qualify for a University Challenge team for a record eight times in a row, assuming it was a three year doctorate), which should make them my second team, but to be honest they’ve probably held that title for a while anyway. Like Michael Schumacher in his glory days, or Roger Federer in his prime, the University of Manchester produced consistent levels of supreme performance in the Challenge between 2005 and 2014 that gained them many fans, myself included.

They reached nine out of ten semi finals in that time, and brought the fight to the Oxbridge duopoly with four series victories. Jesus haven’t had anywhere near as much success in the Paxman Era, but won the penultimate Bamber series against Imperial in 1986.

Manchester are mascotted by a bee, the buzzy symbol of the city; and Jesus are sponsored by a jumper? Thats what it looks like anyway, it might just be a bit of draping with the college logo on it. A lot of the Oxbridge teams do this, but there may as well be nothing there because its pretty half assed.

Its the Jumpersquad who unravel the night’s first clue, with Cashman taking the ten points for the Cashmere Collective. Manchester equalised with the next Starter, and moved into the lead with a full set on the third. A delightful picture round on Premier League football team finishing positions followed, but Manchester could only manage one (I took the hat-trick, naturally). I always enjoy it when the setters put the sports questions into inventive UC formats.

The Mancunians would get into triple figures before Jesus could build on their opening points, but two Starters in a row got them out of the quagmire, and a third, the music round, brought them within thirty points again. However, they were helped out a little bit by Paxman allowing ‘They Must Be Giants’ in place of ‘They Might Be Giants’. I guess accuracy doesn’t matter as much when its merely pop culture.

This would prove the end of Oxford’s comeback though, as Manchester surged ahead with eighty five of the next hundred points to seal the victory with plenty of time to go. They must have known they had it in the bag as well, because at this point they sat back and let Jesus race for a high scoring loser spot, which they may well get.

Final Score: Jesus, Oxford 145 - 185 Manchester

Episode 8 - Durham vs Trinity, Cam

Durham reached the semi finals last series, the third time they have done so since they won their only title of the Paxman Era in 2000, having also claimed a Bamber Trophy in 1977. Trinity won under Jeremy’s stewardship in 1995 and 2014, along with a victory in 1974, making this a match-up between two of only three teams (the other being The Open University) to have won the Challenge in both of its iterations.

Adding further weight to the not-so-mythical myth that Durham is a surrogate for Oxbridge, the Northern team have also got a jumper-y object as their mascot (at this point I have realised that there is a proper word for what those things are, but I’m in too deep with this jumper thing. Is it just a banner? A sigil?). I’m glad to see that Trinity have tried though, and are proudly displaying what looks to be a hand-knitted bear (possibly Sooty from Sooty and Sweep?).

Durham charged out of the blocks with four of the first five Starters and ten of their first twelve bonuses. Trinity would have to wake up soon if they didn’t want to get blown completely away. Fortunately they heard their alarm clock when it next went off and in the blink of an eye they were ahead.

Wait, surely not... *checks notes* No, I was right first time round, following a 90-20 opening stint, Trinity went 80-0 to turn the game on its head. Now it was Durham’s turn to feel shell-shocked, but they took the next Starter and we were level again. A hundred each. The game was being played like rugby, with one team smashing forward until the momentum could be stopped, at which point the tide would flo the other way. Scintillating quizzing.

The turnovers started coming faster, with a frenetic back and forth developing. It was Trinity who finally managed to stamp their authority on proceedings, opening up a significant lead with only a few minutes remaining. Durham would need to work even quicker than in the early stages to add further topsy-turviness to this topsy-turvy match, but they couldn’t manage it. A brief spurt at the death may however be enough to drag them into the play-offs.

Final Score: Durham 145 - 200 Trinity, Cam

Episode 9 - LSE vs Courtauld Institute of Art

Like I said in the introduction, the longer you leave something before starting, the more difficult it is to start because of how much you’ll have to do once you start. Another issue with this blog in particular, is that the more you have to do at once, the more difficult it becomes to not just write the exact same things over and over again. If I do one per week then even if I do repeat myself word for word then I don’t realise because seven days if far too long to remember anything for, and ignorance is bliss etc. With a big batch like this one then it becomes painfully obvious how many times I use the word Starter, even if it is somewhat necessary.

Oh well, lets start with a recap of the two teams previous appearances... LSE made the final in 1996, losing a high-scoring match against local rivals Imperial. They made the semis two years later, and the quarters in 2009, meaning that they’ve been elimiated at every stage of the competition apart from the second round. For Courtauld, it would be a success to be knocked out at that stage, having lost their only two matches, in 2015 and 2018.

Courtauld took the first points of the evening with the amusing fact that the Nobel Peace Prize hasn’t been awarded on a number of occasions due to a lack of deserving recipients (could they do the same with the British Prime Minister?). LSE fumbled a science starter, leaving the board (in this case the circuit board which makes up the buzzers) wide open, but Courtauld can’t even guess, which amuses Paxman no end - “they don’t study a lot of that [at an art institute], do they?”.

They know Shakespeare though, and take the picture Starter on one of his ‘lost rhymes’. The match ambles on slowly, at a far more leisurely pace than last weeks (a good thing about this batching is that I can reference the previous games with the confidence that I’ll be understood), and its Courtauld who are ambling slightly faster than their London counterparts.

With a few minutes remaining, LSE decde to give it a go, with Engels cheekily waving Paxman on after another science Starter was left unanswered. I just spent about fifteen minutes trying to make a gif of this, but the websites kept crashing and the one I did make was only loading as a picture here. So if you can just imagine it that would be great.

Final Score: LSE 90 - 145 Courtauld

Episode 10 - Goldsmiths vs Southampton

Goldsmiths lost on their first Challenge appearance, and made it to the second round last year, the only other time they’ve made it to the televised rounds. If they continue their current trajectory they’ll make it to the quarter finals this time out, which is the furthest their first round opponents Southampton have made it in the Paxman Era, in 2014.

The Southampton mascot, a fluffy deer, has fallen off of the table between the middle players and has consequently gained some camoflague so you have to squint to figure out what it is. I don’t know if it was placed there on purpose, or if they simply didn’t notice that their mascot resembled that scene from Bambi. Goldsmiths have a teddy bear who is wearing graduation robes, indicating that they award degrees to cuddly toys - where will the liberal agenda take us next?

Paxman informs us that Goldsmith’s Sibley hails from the same Canadian town as human PA system Eric Monkman, and when he introduces himself you can detect a similar lilt to his accent, but without the sense that you’ve accidentally sat on the volume button.

It is he who takes the first Starter of the evening, and indeed the second too - perhaps he does bear some more relation to his noisy neighbour. Goldsmiths took two more on the bounce to go 70 points clear. They were unlucky not to be further ahead, having guessed wrongly between both York and Leeds and Southampton and Portsmouth on the picture round (with no other clues its pretty hard to tell the difference between 20 miles on an unannotated map).

Maybe it was the mention of Southampton (and its misidentification) that woke the Southern side up, but they claimed their first points on the next Starter, along with two bonuses on the Lake District that I knew too, but only because I was literally in Windermere at the weekend.

Once they’d figured out that you need to buzz in and answer questions in order to win the game, Southampton were actually pretty good, and their confidence seemed to grow with every point they put on the board (in this case the circuit board which makes up the - hang on, I’ve already done this one, haven’t I? See, I told you this whole repeating malarkey was difficult), and they polish up two of three bonuses on haikus which describe chemical elements (I missed the explanation of the question format when I watched this the first time, so was astounded that they had even been discussing anything with any conviction. “Just doing your job holding plants together. No fireworks, no fuss”. I mean, what is that on about?)

In fact, just as Southampton remembered how to play, Goldsmiths forgot, and they only managed to shake themselves of this malaise twice more for the rest of the match, allowing Southampton to canter away, mostly unchallenged.

Final Score: Goldsmiths 95 - 175 Southampton

Phew! That was a big one - well done if you made it all the way to the end. I still have two more to catch up on, but I haven’t even watched those episodes yet so I’ll just do them as regular posts, hopefully tomorrow.

I’d also like to give a huge thanks to Tough Soles who are supporting me on Patreon! (sorry for falling so far behind - I’ll catch up soon)

#university challenge #bbc2

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artificialqueens · 6 years

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You're a Winner, Baby? - Echo (Craquaria)

Hi everybody, long time no see! Welcome to whatever this is. I hope you enjoy this mess I call a story! Also - I made a side-blog thing under the name Echo-AQ so go check that out. Love y'all (Also I thought I’d let everyone know I’m having trouble with tags but I am working it out so sorry!)

The past three weeks have been something for Max. After having to face his elimination all over again, then immediately taping the finale and reunion, having to see the top four episode without him, and attempting to deal with the mess that is the reunion, he was exhausted. He hardly wanted to get in drag just to go to a gay bar and watch someone else win the crown. Max didn’t know how he wanted tonight to play out. Like he said on the show, he wanted Aquaria to take home the crown, but he also knew that she would never be home anyways if she won. Max had seen it with Bob and with Sasha, once they win they’re so busy that the only time they’ll have for other people is when getting ready for a gig together. Of course, he wanted Aquaria to win if he wasn’t, this was her big chance at everything she ever wanted. He was just upset at the idea of losing this friendship they had just recently fixed.

Max sighed as he pulled himself off of the couch, going into the bathroom to get ready. He wasn’t jealous of the attention, the money, the title, or the respect that Aquaria could gain in the next couple of hours, no. Max wasn’t jealous of Aquaria, he was jealous of her interviewers, the queens hosting her gigs, girls who got to go on tour with her, the fans meeting her at meet and greets. Max was jealous because at least they would get some time with Aquaria, Max would have none. He didn’t know why this idea scared and upset him so much, as that was basically the way it was for so long for them before the show, but he told himself repeatedly that it was just because they were so close now, though a small part of his brain kept shouting the inevitable truth.

As Max was finishing his makeup, slowly turning into Miz Cracker, he thought about everything that could happen tonight. He already knew Asia had no chance but there were three other girls who could win tonight, and he wasn’t sure who to root for. Based off of the lipsync Max thought that it would be either Kameron or Aquaria, but if it was based off of overall performance, it was Aquaria or Eureka. In his mind, he knew that Aquaria had the best chance of winning and deserved it the most but that didn’t make him happy about it.

As he struggled to put on a dress over his giant hip pads, he realized he was being irrational. This was his friend - one of his best friends - and here he was, moping about her getting everything she ever wanted. He pulled on his wig, which probably weighed 30 pounds on a good day, and headed out the door, grabbing some money and going. He knew Aquaria would be at a bar just two or three blocks away tonight, so he doubted anyone would really be at the one he was headed to anyways. He decided to walk there as it was only 5 blocks. Katelyn was already there, so Max shot her a text letting her know he was on his way. Despite being stopped by two straight girls with their boyfriends standing awkwardly behind them, Max was able to walk to the club undisturbed by anything but his thoughts.

He thought about losing Aquaria, losing Giovanni, and why it bothered him so much. He thought about Giovanni, a lot. He thought about their time on drag race, and he thought about the time after, before it aired. He thought about how they got up almost every “morning” (usually around 12) and got coffee together, one of them taking an uber or cab to the other’s apartment and them walking there and back, always hanging out until they had other plans or gigs. He thought about watching the All-Stars finale together, a bet of 10 dollars or whether Shangela or Trixie would win (Max won). He thought about the movie nights they had when they both didn’t have a gig, and he thought about how Gio canceled his gigs for a week when Max’s boyfriend broke up with him, despite Max claiming he was “fine” (he wasn’t). He thought about how that all changed as soon as the cast was released.

He soon was at the bar, smiling like an idiot from the memories. He wiped the smile off his face as he walked in, remembering what was about to happen. Max knew that Aquaria was probably worried out of her mind right now, so he sent her a quick text saying “good luck”, not much, but he knew she would appreciate it. They’d barely been able to talk the past few weeks, not counting while they got ready for the reunion and after when everyone went to grab drinks together. Max snapped out of his thoughts as he saw Katelyn waving across the room. He put on a fake smile and walked over to join her at the table. Max had missed the first two lipsyncs already, but he had been there to see what happened. He awkwardly ran over to the table so he could get there before everyone started freaking out about Monet winning Miss Congeniality.

Just as he was able to say “hi”, the whole bar erupted in cheers. Katelyn and Max clapped but stayed seated, as they had known this for a couple of weeks. It wasn’t long until the final lipsync started. Max smiled a little as he saw his friend’s eyes light up as she performed, the way they always did. Max loved to see that rush of emotion, that was his favorite part of the younger queen’s performances. The lipsync was great. Despite the camera men not showing her nearly as much as the others, Max couldn’t take his eyes off of Aquaria.

It was really no surprise when Ru crowned Aquaria. She deserved it, she worked for it, she earned it. This was all she ever wanted, so why wasn’t Max happy? He froze as her name was spoken, looking once to Katelyn and clapping once or twice. He knew why he was so upset. He was so god damn blind this whole time. He got up as soon as her speech ended, knowing that right now she was giving an acceptance speech.

He quickly asked a local queen for makeup remover and was given paper towels and dish soap. It would have to work, for now, Max supposed. He thanked her and called an uber. Max got home as fast as he could, ripping his wig off and throwing it on the floor as soon as he was in his apartment. He had managed to remove his makeup in the uber, so all that was left was clothes. As soon as Max was able to get his boy clothes on, he called an uber and ran a comb through his hair once, pulling it up into his normal bun. He ran downstairs, out of the building and into the second uber of the night, telling him to head to the bar that Aquaria was probably still inside.

Max rushed in, searching for the newly crowned queen. After being unable to find her, Max ran to the backstage area, knowing exactly where to go as he had performed here many times. When a security guard stopped him, he thought he was completely fucked, until Aquaria stepped out right on time, telling him to let Max through.

“Why are you here,” was the first thing that Aquaria - now mostly Giovanni - asked. Max was surprised by the coldness of his tone. When Max took a step away, Giovanni’s eyes softened slightly.

“I just wanted to say congratulations I guess, I know it’s all you’ve ever dreamed of,” Max said, suddenly losing all the courage he had built up in the last 20 minutes. Giovanni looked at him confused as he took off the last of his makeup. He could obviously see that there was something Max wasn’t telling him, but Max just didn’t have the guts to say it.

Max knew that this may be his last chance to do something before everything got too crazy. With a quick “fuck it” under his breath that he knew Gio heard, Max walked towards him and grabbed his face, (having to stand on his toes to do so) pulling him into a short kiss. Max knew two things right now: One, that he would regret this as soon as it was over, and two, that the feeling of Giovanni’s lips on his was intoxicating, and he wanted more immediately. The kiss probably lasted less than five seconds, but it was everything Max needed to know that this was why he had been so upset about the concept of Aquaria winning, of Giovanni leaving.

Max uttered a quick “sorry” and began to walk out of the room when he felt someone grab his arm and pull him back in. This kiss lasted much longer, was much more passionate and loving. There was no sparks flying or bells ringing, but it felt right like their lips were made for each other. It was unlike anything Max had ever experienced, and he wished it would never end.

“You’re so stupid,” was what finally came out of Giovanni’s mouth as they parted. Max looked at him confused and Gio laughed quietly. “I’ve been trying to kiss you since the day we met!” He shouted and Max laughed too.

“You were like 18 when we met,” Max reminded him and Giovanni just shrugged.

“Didn’t make you any less hot,” Gio said and Max’s face turned bright red. Giovanni just laughed and kissed him again. If this was what it was like for Gio to have the crown, it couldn’t be nearly as bad as Max thought.

#please remember your tags!#echo #craquaria #rpdr fanfiction #submission #canon compliant #you're a winner baby #aquaria #miz cracker

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overthinkingkdrama · 6 years

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Old Souls

{A Scarlet Heart: Ryeo fan fiction}

Set immediately after the end of episode 20.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

The fleeting moment of relief Jin Woo had experienced, holding Ha Jin in his arms like this, left him almost at once. Replaced by white hot shame and the painful awareness that he had made another mistake. That he was still making that mistake. Right now.

But he couldn’t let her go at once. His body didn’t want to obey him. She’s real. She’s here in front of me. I can touch her. I can feel her heart beating. His felt the tears threatening to fall again. Only by closely controlling his own breathing did he keep them in check. A rational part of Jin Woo was screaming at him, over the centuries’ ingrained impulse to hang on to her with everything he had, to never let her out of his sight again.

Stop. Stop it. You have to stop this now.

The rational voice won out. He let go and quite nearly shoved her away from him, afraid he would fold her into another desperate hug. He took a quick step backwards, looking anywhere but into her eyes.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t…I, uh…” He stumbled over his words. “Where is the …or…I need a restroom.”

She blinked at him, visibly confused. Who could blame her? She pointed him back towards the pension, and he moved past her in the direction she indicated. Leaving Ha Jin and his luggage behind without any further word.

As soon as he stepped into the room he closed and locked himself into the en suite. The space was too narrow for pacing for pacing, but he managed to turn around fully three times in a private moment of mania, before bringing himself to a stop, grabbing hold of the edge of the vanity, face to face with his own reflection in the bathroom mirror.

“What the hell was that?” He growled under his breath. “This wasn’t supposed to happen”

He brought one shaking fist down hard on the counter, wincing at the unexpected pain of his knuckles scraping against the porcelain basin of the sink.

“Ow!”

“Are you alright in there?” He heard Ha Jin’s voice from the other side of the door.

Damn it. “Yeah, fine.” He ran some cold water in the sink and splashed it over his face repeatedly, trying to come back to his senses. Blinking away water droplets he stared himself down in the mirror again. In his head this time he said, you promised you wouldn’t do this. You weren’t going to make this harder on her.

He’d been steeling himself against this meeting for weeks now. Trying to turn his heart to stone. Telling himself every day, a hundred times a day, he wouldn’t be shaken when he saw her again. He’d thought he was almost ready. But in his head it had been different. In his head he had picked the place. He’d rehearsed his first words to her. His last words. Every word in between.

But seeing her like that. Looking like that. He’d completely fallen apart. What had he said? I missed you? Asshole. He cussed himself out. Min Ki as well…he might have to kill him when he got back. Now he had to somehow walk this back. To stick to the resolution he’d made without looking like a total lunatic. Yeah, good luck with that.

Straightening up and setting his jaw, Jin Woo gave himself one last warning look before he left the bathroom and joined Ha Jin. She’d carried in the luggage and had placed the suitcases next to the bed, waiting for him to unpack.

“I would have gone back for those.” He said. “You didn’t have to carry them.”

“Oh, I don’t mind.”

She wasn’t looking directly at him. She was flitting around the room like a bird, looking for non-existent busy work to do. Tidying things that weren’t out of place. She had sensed the drastic change in his demeanor and was trying to divine its meaning.

“No…” He said quietly, “I really should have done it.”

A tense silence followed, as he tried to decide what to say next. Eventually she spoke first, “So, uh, I’ve been thinking about what we should do with our night. What do you think about leaving our things here and grabbing a quick bite to eat? We could—”

“I’m really not hungry right now.”

“Me either really,” She laughed nervously. “A drink then? It’s still early but…”

“No, Ha Jin, I—”

She ran over him with her words, each new one tripping over the next as it rushed out of her, “Oh, you’re probably tired from your trip. Silly of me. I should have realized. Why don’t you change or shower or you can lie down for a bit while I’ll go for a walk—” While she chattered like this, Ha Jin had already begun to drift toward the door, as if she would make her escape before she had even finished speaking.

He went after her, gently taking hold of her hand to stop her.

“Ha Jin. Stay. For just a few minutes. I need to say something.”

“Okay.”

He led her back to the foot of the bed where they both sat, tensely, side by side. Absently his thumb brushed across her back of her hand. Catching himself, he let go and pulled his hand away.

“You are mad, aren’t you?”

“No. I’m not mad.”

“But you’re not happy either.”

“Ha Jin I—I really wish this had happened another way. I was waiting for the right moment. And I didn’t expect I would see you this way. But I’m afraid the longer I wait the harder this will become…”

Her back became rigid as she cut off his rambling, “No, you’re right. If there’s something that’s hard to say, you should say it now.”

“I didn’t lie when I said I’ve missed you. I did miss you, desperately. I’m sure I will miss you even more in the future.” He paused, trying to remember what he was meant to say next. He thought she might speak again. But she just sat waiting as her hand, recently relinquished, curled slowly into a fist. There was no other way than just to say it straight out. “I want to stop now.”

“You want to stop—?”

“Let’s stop seeing each other. Yes.”

To his surprise she gave a bitter little laugh, “Min Ki was wrong…I was right. You really were planning to break up with me.”

“I know this is the worst possible timing. If there was any way I could have—I’m really sorry it ended up happening like this.”

“Why should you be sorry? You had no idea I was planning to make a fool out of myself.” She said. Her voice was startlingly cool and steady. “I suppose I’m allowed to ask why?”

He glanced down. His knuckles had turned an ugly red and were already starting to swell. He covered them with his other had so Ha Jin wouldn’t see. “I don’t know what we’re doing anymore. I can’t imagine a future in which you and I are happy. All I can see is a thousand possible heartbreaks and one obvious conclusion. I should never have started something I didn’t have the courage to see through.”

“When I sent you to Yoon Jung you told me not to worry. That nothing was going to change between us.”

“I know. I told you a lot of things I couldn’t follow through on. I thought I could handle it. I was wrong.”

Suddenly she turned toward him, placing both hands on his forearm, her eyes bright. “Is it just because of the memories? If I made it seem like all I wanted was for you to remember…if I placed too much of a burden on you…”

“No…that isn’t it. Looking for my memories me think about choice. Whether I still have one or not. If my path has already been determined by some long dead tyrant, or if I still control where it will lead me. I wondered whether I was only here because of a choice that was made for me a thousand years ago, in another life. And I thought about how unfair that would be. To both of us. I’ve decided I want to make my own choices again.”

“And so," She said, "The first choice you’ve made is that you don’t want me anymore.”

“Of course I do. This isn’t about that.” He said, shaking his head.

“What it’s about then?”

“I don’t know myself when I’m with you. I can’t…trust myself when I’m with you. And I will never become what you need me to be. I’ve finally realized that.”

“Jin Woo-ya…It’s my fault for not expressing my feelings sooner. You don’t need to change for me. The way you are right now, I—”

“No,” He said. He’d found his way back to the words he’d meant to say to her at last. Each one carefully chosen, like a finely honed blade aimed for the vital spot. He knew how they would echo in her mind. “It’s not enough. Sure, I want you now. I love you now. I do, but…this kind of feeling won’t last. It will burn itself out eventually. And I will start to resent you. I may even come to hate you. Before that happens, I want to end things here.”

All the while he’d been speaking, he could feel her struggling. Searching for the perfect words to counter him, to change his mind. But at his last sally, he could see the fight go out of her. Her shoulders dropped and she became so still he wondered if she was holding her breath.

After a long silence she said, “I understand.”

He’d planned up to here. Right up to this moment. What he had not expected was how much it would sting to see her concede. He hadn’t expected the wave of regret that hit him almost at once and made him wish he could take it all back. “I’ll…I’ll give you some time alone. You should keep your things in this room. I’ll speak with someone about getting another and—”

Before he could continue though, she stood abruptly, “I need some air. I think I’ll have that walk now, after all.”

All Jin Woo could do was watch Ha Jin’s back as she tried to hold herself erect and take steady steps away from him, out of their room. But she couldn’t hide the tremor in her shoulders that told him she was barely choking back a sob, trying to hold in the tears until she was out of his line of sight. She closed the door soundless, without looking back at him.

Once she was gone, Jin Woo felt himself slip helplessly off the edge of the bed, sinking onto the floor and burying his face in his hands. His whole body shook, but tears didn’t come. He wouldn’t let them. It wasn’t as though he deserved to cry over her anyway. The inside of his head echoed with the cacophonous roar of centuries, the bitterness of disappointment, and the unquenchable hatred of the self. They all threatened to crush him, to drive him back into the blackness. He felt like he was back again, staring up at the darkened ceiling of Professor Choi’s study, lying paralyzed on that hard leather coach, where he’d nearly lost himself.

He almost wished he had.

Jin Woo thought back to how he’d come gasping back to consciousness, without enough breath even to scream, disoriented in that dimly lit room. He’d jerked upright, his skin slick with cold sweat. There was someone next to him, stand over him, hands on his shoulders. Speaking to him. The voice anxious, the name it called was unfamiliar.

“Calm down, Jin Woo. You’re safe now.”

The sound of his own heartbeat had seemed dreadfully loud in his ears. Though he had come out of his trance, the flood of memories had not stopped, nor even slowed. They kept on coming, one crowding in upon the next, until it seemed like his head would burst from the sheer quantity of them. Visions from the distant past mingled with recent memories, until he didn’t know who or when he was.

“I couldn’t wake you. I thought something had gone wrong.” The older man had dragged over the ottoman and was sitting square in front of him, looking into his face with eyes full of concern. “Jin Woo-ya, are you with me? Lee Jin Woo-sshi?” Then slowly, in a different tone of voice he said, “…Pyeha?”

It was the title that finally snapped him back into focus.

“Ji Mong…I’m here.”

The old astronomer froze. His hands slipped from Jin Woo’s shoulders, and he sat back staring at him with a fixed gaze. “Did you remember something?”

“Everything.” He sat there, clutching either side of skull. His head throbbed. He could still see fragments from the last moments of Wang So’s regression. The smell of blood was still in his nose, so real he could somehow taste the metallic tang of it on the back of his tongue. Speaking was still difficult, but he managed with grunts and gestures to communicate what he needed. Ji Mong put the tiny wicker waste bin into Jin Woo’s hands just before he was violently ill.

When the dry heaving subsided he managed in a rasp, “I think…I think I fucked up.”

“It’s okay.” Ji Mong patted him several times on the back, his voice low and gentle, “You can take your time. This part gets better. I promise.”

After a while, when Jin Woo had regained his bearings, Ji Mong had led him downstairs and brewed him a blend of loose leaf tea. It tasted like something Soo used to make in the Damiwon. “I had it made special. In case…we ever met again.” He explained. He was using that very formal tone of his, as though he was standing at the foot of the throne. For some reason that made Jin Woo nauseous again.

“You don’t have to do that. Let’s call each other by our present names and speak comfortably, okay?” He said, “Professor?”

Ji Mong seemed a little taken aback but at last he nodded, “Yes, of course. If that’s what you want.”

Jin Woo’s head swam. Too many years in too little space. But it wasn’t like he’d feared. There was no loss of control, nor did he feel like a passenger in his own body as when he’d first allowed himself to go to Ha Jin as Wang So. Instead it was as though his mind was an old familiar house where he’d been living for years, and he’d happened to take down a curtain in a back room to discover there was entire other wing there, as big as the rest of the house by itself, that he’d never entered or even known about. And each new room he explored frightened and repulsed him more than the last.

“Do you want me to call Ha Jin for you?”

“No. Don’t call her.”

“I think she could do more for you than I can—”

“I can’t see her right now. She can’t know about this.”

“I don’t understand. Isn’t…isn’t this why we went through all this?”

Jin Woo’s eyes were stinging, his throat burned. “I thought if I remembered…I thought I would understand him. I thought I would understand why she loved him. But I still don’t understand it at all.” I was even worse than I’d feared, Jin Woo thought. A wolf that devoured her whole. “She wanted to forget. She wanted the chance to live as Go Ha Jin, as though we never happened. And I took that away from her too.”

Professor Choi’s face was grave. “So what do you intend to do?”

“I’ll have to try to make it right somehow. I want to give her what I couldn't give her back then.”

"And what is that?"

"Her freedom.”Jin Woo felt that old despair creeping up inside him, coaxing and familiar. It was inviting him to fall back again into the same senseless cycle he’d lived in before Ha Jin had appeared and upended his life. Though this time it would be worse, because this time he knew exactly what he was missing out on, and he knew it was entirely his own fault. He thought he could have probably remained on the floor for hours, curled up like that, prostrate with self-pity, until night fell outside.

But he couldn’t even do that. This was meant to be their room, after all, their bed. Not being there whenever Ha Jin got back was the least consideration he could show her. Getting to his feet was a struggle, and when he finally managed he couldn’t seem to gather his thoughts.

What do I do now? He wondered, where do I go?

He stood there staring blankly around him for several minutes before, disgusted with himself, he let out a shout of frustration and lashing out at the first thing he saw, aiming a kick at the luggage near his feet. The impact broke the flimsy latch on the top of one of the suitcases, causing the contents to go flying across the room.

Almost as soon as the outburst was over Jin Woo regretted it. He was still afraid that Wang So’s memories had come, ready fitted, with all Wang So’s demons. With a heavy sigh he set about cleaning up the mess he’d made. Setting the damaged suitcase open on the bed he realized it was the one he’d believed to be Min Ki’s. Pinned to the lining he found a note from his friend:

By now I imagine you’ve realized I tricked you. Mianhaeyo, Hyung. Believe me when say this is all for you own good…

Jin Woo didn’t finish reading before crumpling the paper in his hand and tossing it into the trash. Repacking the case he realized that Min Ki had assembled a veritable “steamy getaway care package” for his trip. There was massage oil and scented candles, a tiny bathing suit that definitely wasn’t Jin Woo’s, a pocket guide on how to talk to women with several dog-eared pages, as well as several items that Jin Woo didn’t examine closely, but tossed back as quickly as he could. I really am going to kill him, he thought.

He couldn’t manage to get the thing latched again, and end up tying the handles together with one of his socks and stuffing it into the corner until he figured out what to do with it. There was still no sign of Ha Jin. Jin Woo found the spare key on the bedside table and left to find the proprietor of the pension to see about securing another room.

The pension was a pretty old hanok that had been converted and updated in places with Western touches, a fusion of traditional common areas with modern amenities. Under other circumstances, Jin Woo thought, it would have suited his taste perfectly. There was no one manning the front desk, and he wound up wandering the house aimlessly for a while before another guest directed him to the kitchen. There he found the pension owner, rinsing a huge portion of uncooked rice, preparing for the evening meal. She was a lively ahjumma with a generous quantity of graying hair pinned into a bun at the back of her neck. She looked up when he walked in, but didn’t pause in her work.

“Hello,” Jin Woo said politely, “I was wondering—”

“You’re one of my new guests?” She said before he could get his question out.

“Yes. I just got here today. I’m Lee Jin Woo—”

“Ah, Lee Jin Woo-sshi. Room four right?”

“Right.”

“I knew it. The newlywed couple.”

“Uh…what?” Jin Woo blinked at her. It took him a few moments of stunned silence before he realized what must have happened. She thinks we’re on our honeymoon.

“Your pretty wife was waiting around for you all morning. You should have come in together. Is your room okay? You have everything you need?”

“The room is fine. Actually, I needed to ask…”

She finally straightened up and faced him, drying her hands on her apron, craning her neck curiously as though she expected someone to be standing behind him. “Where is she?”

“She…?”

“Your wife.”

“Uh…I don’t really know where she is right now. That’s what I needed to talk to you about. I was wondering if you have any empty rooms available.”

“Empty rooms?”

“Yes. We’d like to sleep separately.”

The woman narrowed her eyes at him. She wasn’t a tall woman, only coming up to the middle of Jin Woo’s chest, but there was certainly something intimidating about that frown of hers.

“Sleep separately? Why? Did you fight?”

Jin Woo gritted his teeth, wondering if it was worth it trying to tell the truth, or if he should simply allow the woman to believe what she wanted. He ended up merely nodding.

“Married couples quarrel.” She said, sympathetically, “Trust me, the best way to work it out is in the bedroom.”

Jin Woo started to protest, “No, I don’t think you understand, we just—”

She snapped, “I have no spare rooms.” beginning to shoo him bodily out of the kitchen. “Go find your pretty wife. Bring her in for dinner. Chicken ginseng soup is the best thing for you. Good for stamina.”

And with that he was summarily shut out of the kitchen. He knew he should walk back inside and explain himself properly, like an adult, but he couldn’t muster the will. He already felt like a dog as it was. The idea of explaining that he and Ha Jin weren’t honeymooners, but instead she had surprised him with a romantic trip and he’d thanked her for it by breaking up with her right after he arrived was too mortifying to endure.

He found his way back outside and sat for a little while on the porch, watching strolling vacationers moving up and down the beach. Unconsciously he found himself watching for Ha Jin’s return. There had to be another option. He started scrolling through other hotels on the island, but his service was painfully slow and the few that he could find were completely booked for the night. Maybe if I’m lucky Ha Jin will let me spend the night on the bathroom floor, he thought, I can figure out something else in the morning. But the idea didn’t sit well with him.

He caught sight of a man dressed in the attire of a fisherman and ran up, waving to get his attention.

“Excuse me, sir.” He called, “I’m looking for a way off the island.”

“Ferry won’t run again till tomorrow.” He replied.

“I know. There has to be something other than the ferry. Could I charter a boat for instance?”

“Expensive.”

“That’s fine, as long as its tonight.”

The fisherman glanced up. After a few moments of thought he pointed out at the horizon. “Do you see that?” Jin Woo looked up and noticed for the first time that the sky had begun to change. Dark clouds were rolling in and even the beach was slowly starting to empty of tourists, “Nobody should be out in a small vessel when that storm breaks. Sorry, son, you’re stuck here until morning.”

Jin Woo was still trying to come up with an alternative when the man nodded to him impatiently and continued on his way.

“Thanks anyway,” Jin Woo said after him, though he doubted he was still listening. The wind was starting to pick up too. He decided to head inside himself, wondering if Ha Jin was back in their room already.

He found his way back into the dining room at the pension, half expecting to meet her there. But there was only a smattering of other guests, gathered around the low tables, seated on cushions. He found an empty place and sat down. After a while the owner came out with two younger women, all carrying steaming trays of food. When it came his turn to be served and the ahjumma saw him sitting alone, she wouldn’t hand over his bowl at once.

“Where’s your girl?” She asked.

“She hasn’t come back yet. She must be out walking somewhere.”

“I told you to run after her, didn’t I?” She said, tutting at him.

All he could do was shrug, “She wants to be alone.”

He watched a look pass over the owner’s face that said she was seriously considering walking away without feeding him. But after a moment of hesitation, she handed over his food, setting down the rice bowl with a little more force than was strictly necessary, glowering at him all the time. She retreated back into the kitchen without another word.

He sat alone at the table staring at his food dubiously, before forcing himself to pick up the spoon. He hadn’t eaten anything since the morning but he had no appetite. What right do you have to act all heartbroken? He started shoveling in big mouthfuls of rice and soup, though it didn’t taste like anything to him, fighting to swallow it all down, and then beginning the whole, mechanical process over again. After a little while the two younger women—they bore more than a passing resemblance to the pension owner and he’d taken them for her daughters—asked if they could join him at his table. His mouth was full but he gestured for them to sit. Thankfully, they were more interested in the meal and in the weather outside than they were engaging him in conversation.

They spoke in the unfamiliar satoori of the island, and he listened to them with an idol ear.

“The sky looks bad.” The younger one said.

“It’s going to be a nasty one,” The older replied, mixing her rice into her soup. “I would hate to see someone get caught out in that.”

Jin Woo looked up, “Is it really dangerous?” He asked, thinking of what the fisherman had said.

“For someone who doesn’t know the island? Absolutely.”

The younger nudged her eunni gently, “Oh yeah, you remember what happened to those surfers last year.”

“What happened?”

The elder looked up and answered him seriously, “This past summer there were some vacationers who died on a night like this. They tried to shelter in a cave and it flooded, trapping them. Before anyone could get to them they drowned like that.”

As if to give the story a sinister punctuation, there was a flash of lightning followed by a low growl of thunder. Jin Woo could almost feel the color go out of his face. “Don’t worry.” The younger sister said, perhaps thinking he was superstitious. “They weren’t staying in one of our rooms.”

Wiping his mouth Jin Woo stood up hastily, “Please excuse me.”

Jin Woo hurried awkwardly out of the dining room, through the hall and back to the interior door of their room. Surely she’s back by now. Where else could she go? Despite that sensible sounding voice in his head he was shaking. He fumbled with the key, and had to force himself to take several deep breaths in order to successfully work the lock.

The room was empty and everything was just where he’d left it.

He pulled out his phone and called her. It took a few rings before he realized he was hearing the sound of her ring tone from inside the room. Her phone was lying on the bed. He didn’t have any idea where he would look for her, but Jin Woo was already rifling through his luggage looking for the jacket he’d packed. He didn’t bother putting it on, tucking it under his arm; he headed for the exterior door, which slid open onto the porch.

Although the storm hadn’t quite arrived, heavy drops of rain had begun to fly through the air at intervals. The atmosphere was electric, and each time the sky flashed with lightning and there was an accompanying roll of thunder, apparently growing nearer, Jin Woo redoubled his frantic search. He didn’t know where to start so he walked back through the village, looking in the windows of restaurants, cafes and corner shops, hoping she’d decided to shelter inside one of those.

But the streets were nearly empty, and most businesses had closed early, shuttered up ahead of the storm. Eventually, not knowing where else to look, he found himself heading back in the direction of the shore. He spotted someone at a distance, standing stationary at the end of a stone jetty, facing seaward. At first he couldn’t tell who it was, he only hoped. By the time he reached the jetty he was sprinting, he’d recognized the skirt she was wearing.

The waves had started to rise and roil around her, at times crashing against the rocks, but she just stood there, hugging herself, careless of the turmoil around her.

Jin Woo was winded by the time he reached her. “We…we need to go back…the storm…” He panted, leaning forward with his hands on his knees.

Ha Jin turned around slowly, gazing at him as though she didn’t know him.

Straightening he said, “Did you hear me? You have to come back now. It’s not safe out here.”

She seemed to drift there for a moment. And he thought she wasn’t going to answer, as though she hadn’t understood what he said. Then her eyes focused and she stared hard at his face.

“Explain it to me again.” She said.

“What?”

“The reason we have to break up. I don’t get it.”

“I…I told you already—”

“I know what you told me, but need you to explain again. It doesn’t make any sense. One of us has changed. It wasn’t me, so it must have been you. So what changed, Jin Woo-ya?”

Her eyes were red-rimmed—she had cried, but she wasn’t crying anymore—and bright with fury. Jin Woo was taken aback, but he tried not to let it show in his face. “You really had me scared, do you know that? And now you want to do this here?”

“Why? Can’t I?”

“We can talk if you want to, but let’s go back first,” He said, setting his jaw. The intermittent droplets were becoming a steady drizzle. He shook out his jacket and tried to put it around her shoulders. She brushed him off.

“No, stop. You don’t get to break up with me and then try to keep looking after me. That isn’t how this works.”

“Fine,” He said, shoving it into her hands. “I’m not interested in playing this game with you. Stay here if you want to. I’m going back.” Turning away he made his way back up the jetty, trying hard to ignore the sound of blood rushing in his ears, making fists out of his hands to control their shaking, hoping like hell that she would follow him.

Over the sounds of the storm he heard her shouting, chasing him back onto the beach, “You’re not you. I’ve figured it out. Not just Jin Woo anymore. You remembered something! You remembered don’t you, Hwangja-nim!”

[Chapter 12]

#scarlet heart #scarlet heart ryeo #moon lovers #old souls #fan fiction #chapter 11 #happy anniversary Moon Lovers #wait for it....

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