#i did go to get tea for my cat and stuff for my birds

[wawataka]

went to the store today and for some reason my card wasn’t working and i would’ve been okay with it like ah whatever if it weren’t for the fact that after the third attempt the woman behind me loudly went “wowww…” like WOE PLAGUE BE UPON YE

[jarofstyles]

FICTOBER DAY 15- Don't You Wonder What's In The Woods?

This one is creepy but if you've lived in similar places you'll know what he's talking about....

FICTOBER

Patreon

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Y/N’s eyes roamed the treeline, watching as the sun set. It was beautiful, the changing leaves falling from the trees and a slight ringing in the air from the wind chimes on the porch. Harry’s house was settled on a piece of land with a mine or two between neighbors, something that Y/N had initially been spooked by considering she was a city girl that moved here to be closer to her family she was reconnecting with. Harry was a happy accident, a coffee shop cliche turned into a… lover? No labels as of yet, but Y/N was sure that Harry thought of her as his. The public hand holding and kisses goodbye just a few months into her living here had people’s heads turning. 

At first, she had stayed in her condo closer to town. Harry had visited there for a while out of convenience, but when they started getting closer and spending whole weekends together, she had been more than okay when he suggested she come to his house for the weekend. It was a beautiful home, wooden and rustic with a large wrap around porch. He had a big detached garage and a garden, and a few dogs and cats that roamed the property during the day but he said always came in at night. 

At her feet lay his border collie, Domino, and at his was the german shepherd Tater. (His little cousin got to choose his name, and Harry called him Tate but- Y/N liked the blush when he introduced them). On the gliding bench on her lap was his other, a long haired Chihuahua named Big. Puns, of course. Their mugs had their tea, slightly cooled off now as he had his arm wrapped around her. The weather was getting nippier but he had no problem keeping her warm. The man was big and smelled incredible, not to mention he was a furnace. Fingers stroked Big as her eyes watched the orange sunlight bleed through the trees. 

As it got darker, though, he began to get fidgety. She noticed his knee shaking as he tapped his foot, looking at his watch before giving her a kiss on the head. The comfortable quiet was something she really liked- until she heard a shriek in the woods. It was blood curdling, a sound she had never heard before and sent a terror into her stomach. Her body was screaming that something was wrong, something was telling her to run, but she didn’t. She didn’t know what that was. Stiffening up, she looked at Harry wide eyed as the dogs lift their heads, eyes on the trees with a low growl. Harry was watching them, jaw clenched slightly as he beat her to it. 

“It’s alright. Don’t worry.” He whispered, relaxing slightly but keeping his eyes on the dogs. “Happens sometimes.” 

“And you don’t wonder what it is? How often does it happen?” She sputtered, laughing slightly at how he had dismissed that. Granted, he was the one who lived here his whole life. He knew better, but there was something off about it.  “Don’t you ever wonder what’s in the woods? What makes a noise like that?” The girl babbled.

Y/N did not expect him to turn her face, a scarily serious look on his face as he began to talk. “It’s my fault for not… telling you some of the unspoken rules of living out here, but trust me when I say it’s better that we don’t know what’s lurking out there.” His voice was quiet but stern, making Y/N wonder what the hell went on for this to be so serious.

“You never get curious?” Y/N asked. “It’s just bears and cougars and stuff, right? Maybe we should go and look to see if someone is hurt-”

“No.” He said firmly. “It’s… I know you’ll think it’s crazy, but I’m telling you that it isn’t a person who made that sound. I know it.”

“I’ve never heard a bird who sounded like that.” She laughed uneasily, taken aback at the sudden shift. He seemed scared, but irritated almost at her question. 

“Me either. But that’s what we are going to tell ourselves it is. It’s better than the alternative.” He said, looking her in the eye. “You aren’t from here, and you’re going to have to learn a lot. That’s no fault of your own. But let me tell you something.” He tipped her head up. “One of the most important things about living out here, in their woods, especially at night- things we don’t know, they know about us. And we don’t know how or what they can do. It’s gone back years and years. If you don’t believe me, humor me for this one thing. Don’t go into those woods alone, ever.” 

It made her eyes widen. She’d known Harry to be silly, soft, loving. But this was a new side to him, a very serious side that had her stomach turning in knots. He was deadly with it. There was no doubt he believed what he was saying.  “I-I won’t.” She promised. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” 

“No- No, you didn’t.” He softened slightly, visibly feeling bad for making her worried as he brushed his thumb over her chin sweetly. “Didn’t upset me darling. I just need you to understand I’m not joking. There are rules no one talks about, things people do that wouldn’t make sense to anyone who hasn’t lived it- and I hope you’ll never have to experience a scare. But listen to me carefully, and remember that you’re safe with me, okay?” He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips before continuing. “If you hear something, no you didn’t. If you see something? No you didn’t. Don’t answer if someone calls your name and you can’t tell who it is. Don’t look into the trees at night- keep the blinds closed at night. And whatever you do, don’t run.” He paused. “They like to chase.”

[writteninlunarlight-years]

~~~~~ MATCHUP ~~~~~

This is a match-up for my very, very, very patient follower. Thank you so much for supporting me, and I am sorry this has taken so long!

This is for you, @literallurker, everyone. Go give them some love if you have the time!

HAZBIN HOTEL

Husk

~~~~~ HEADCANON ~~~~~

Husk is just the bartender. He knows everyone's woes and problems, all the dirt and tea. He is even wise and beyond his years.

When you came to the hotel, he saw you as everyone else; the only bright side was that you didn't flirt with him 24/7 like the spider.

You were too quiet for his liking; you just sat there with your drink, observing everyone and him.

This leads to the beginning of your relationship, Husk's dying curiosity to know what was in that head.

From the first conversation, everything was short and small, with little discussions here and there. As you grew more comfortable, you started letting your wild side out.

Husk was open to some of your wilder ideas; they were funny and could prove entertaining.

When Husk opened up to you about his contract, he was happy to see you not look down on him but instead help him problem-solve how to get out of this without the radio demons' knowledge, of course.

As you two bonded, you kept each other up on the gossip of the other residents, what you heard in the hall, and what he heard at the bar top.

When Husk finally admitted his feelings you were elated to say the least, you two shared a lot with one another and stuck through some pretty insane pranks.

When battling the angels, Husk was by your side, watching your back the whole time.

He's not a big bird person, but he learns to love your parrot for you. (It's totally not because he got close to the bird and really truly cares for it; it's not that at all.)

~~~~~ BLURB ~~~~~

It was a quiet day in the hotel; Angel was out on a job, Charlie and her girlfriend were recruiting sinners, and the radio demon was out with Rosie. This only left you, Husk, and Nifty here. Nifty was off playing with some cockroaches, though,,, so it was just you and Husk. You didn't mind it. Charlie had been going overkill on all the redeeming stuff lately after Sir Pentious. You and Husk rarely have alone time once everyone learned about your relationship. While drinking your glass of alcohol, Husk informed you about the mishap Chalrie just had with a random sinner. In the middle of his story his phone went off, it was Charlie needing him to restock something in the hotel.

Sighing, you watched Husk rush out to grab what he needed. It was silent.... too silent.....you didn't like it. Thoughts started to gnaw on your mind from when you died to now. You felt small. It was getting bad, as you drifted off in space you didn't even notice the return of Husk from his errand. Husk knew you hated to be alone. He should have offered for you to go with him. He snapped his fingers in front of your face to pull you out of your trance. "Hey, I'm sorry, Y/N. I didn't mean to leave you alone for so long. Come on, talk to me. Let's get you out of that head of yours." You nodded and started, telling him about the time you successfully put lipstick on Angel's pig just because Alastor told you you couldn't.

Throughout your stories, you felt the gnaw of loneliness seep away. Husk always did that for you, pulling you out of your thoughts. Even on nights when he was supposed to be at the bar, he would sneak his way to your room and talk with you for hours until you finally fell asleep. Though he was a drunk, grumpy cat, he was always prepared to help his friends out, especially his closest companion, you.

~~~~~ EXTRA ~~~~~

(It's time for another fun Charlie exercise. Today's game uses the first letter of your name to correspond to an animal.)

Angel: Charlie, this is stupid.

Charlie: It's not stupid, Angel. Come on, look how easy it is. My name is Charlie, and I like Cats! See.

Angel: No, it's foolish.

Husk: My name is Husk and I like Hennesy.

Y/N: (Breaks down laughing) T-Thats not an animal.

Husk: It's the first letter of my name, ain't it.

[femivi]

uhmm would it be rllie insane of me to ask you to answer ﾉ all ﾉ those selfship questions for haimi . . ? ૮꒰ྀི⊃⸝ ⸝ ⸝⊂꒱ྀིა i just rllie wanma know more about you two wehh 🥺 but if it is too much hehe , then i would be overjoyed to learn your answers to lace + zzz + cosmic 💌

oh my sweetest coco how do i ever thank u for this haha. . . i got all giddy nd happy to talk abt him nd me :3 im sorry this took sooo long to answer, i was quite busy :")) forgiv me if it's a bit incoherent . . i tried my best to give shorter answers ! ☘️

raspberry ౨ৎ how did the two of you meet?

– our ‘first meeting’ was at the akademiya's library, where i was chatting with tighnari, who introduced me to haitham. it was a bit awkward though . . me having the wrong impression of him being cold n harsh nd it didn't rly help with us later having to cooperate on our inter-darshan research project ! ! hmph ! ! ㌥(ง ⸝⸝ ᵕ⌓ᵕ)ว㌥

wine ౨ৎ how did your first date go?

– i don't know if study dates really count, but other than that, we didn't really have an official ‘first date’. we often spent a lot of time chatting in razan gardens, trying to find some peace and quiet around the akademiya. . . and then he would offer to tutor me in that cute gazebo at pardis dhyai :3 which i take as a sort of ‘first date’ - it was very cute ! but still a little awkward to be completely honest . . we talked about the classes we're taking, our interests and just were nerds together for a while . . but it started raining on our way back to sumeru city and he hold his coat over both of us so we don't get soaked by the rain . . 🌧️ ( we totally did )

vanilla bean ౨ৎ what does a day off with your lover look like?

– depends on the weather, really! we're usually home, just taking it slow and enjoying each other's company quietly. if it's colder ﾉ rainy we stay in and i either clean or nap . . haithie is reading, or maybe exercising ! and if it's warm we go out for a stroll along port ormos, maybe a picnic in mawtiyama !!! and sometimes go for a swim :–)

ballet slipper ౨ৎ do you have any pets?

– we don't :”–( sadly i'm allergic to both cats and dogs, nd i don't think either of us would have the time to take care of any other animal . . but i love seeing & feeding the rainbow parrots around sumeru ♡

coconut ౨ৎ relaxing bubble baths or refreshing showers?

– we both prefer the shower ! ! :–)

teacup ౨ৎ are the two of you morning people or night owls?

– for me, it really depends on how i feel, but once the sun sets i'm already getting sleepy, waking up early too. meanwhile al haitham has a strict routine he follows, going to bed around 11pm and then waking up slightly later than me. i think that makes us both morning birds, i suppose? neither of us would voluntarily stay up long into the night unless necessary.

bubblegum ౨ৎ any hobbies the two of you share?

– aside from the obvious, which is reading– we like to exercise or do yoga together, spending time in the kitchen . . cooking, baking etc :3 nd he often teaches me some new words in the languages he's studying at the moment ! !

wedding cake ౨ৎ what was your wedding like?

– . . we had a very small ceremony in the cute gazebo at pardis dhyai, but the wedding itself took place close to vanarana . . ( with the approval of nahida and aranara, of course ! ) it was small, and private, nothing grand– whimsical and quaint, very cozy :–) !! we wore our traditional wear for the ceremony ♡

honeymoon ౨ৎ where did the two of you travel? and how was it?

– we travelled to fontaine !! rented one of the small cottages on the countryside, staying there for a week . . relaxing, taking morning swims in the river . . amongst other . . naughty stuff

crêpe ౨ৎ what are your breakfast orders?

– for me, i don't have breakfasts very often, unless i wake up late ( ironic, i know ) i'll have some tea and fruit or something very light . . haitham views breakfast as very important and would often encourage me to eat with him . . he'd have some kind of bread with sarsheer ﾉ paneer and also fresh cut veggies like cucumber or tomatoes.

lipstick stain ౨ৎ where do you love to kiss them? where do they love to kiss you?

– i really luv to kiss his fingetips and the tip of his nose . . though haitham is usually a bit timid about physical affection he likes to kiss the top ﾉ the temple of my head.

rose petal ౨ৎ what does your home look like?

– our home is very cozy, to say the least. i imagine we asked kaveh to help with the interior design ? ( bc we both knew he wouldn't visit if he didn't like it . . ﾉhj ) making it a small mix of art nouveau & middle eastern furniture, cluttered, a lot of book piles and greenery, breezy curtains, overall very soft & quaint atmosphere . . and of course a small porch with a cushion swing in the front !

champagne ౨ৎ how do you celebrate new years?

– i don't like drinking nor fireworks ( stereotypical new year celebration ) nd i think haitham is not very enthusiastic abt it either. but we would- either meet up with closest friends during evening, or visit mawtiyama to sit on top of those big mushrooms, watch sumeru city fireworks from afar, lighting sparklers nd maybe even kiss under the stars hehe ♥︎

lace ౨ৎ what’s their favorite outfit of yours?

– tbh he likes when i wear the most homeless looking outfits hahaha . or something like a small tee ﾉ tank top and shorts, with a thin dupatta over it ! loose nd frilly shirts nd dresses with big ﾉ low back window haha . . it's not rly an outfit but i also wear indian anklets with bells nd he really likes the soft ringing around the house . . .

cupcake ౨ৎ do you and your lover frequent parties/clubs/social gatherings often?

– neither. we're both on the introverted side and don't like crowds or anything of that sort. we enjoy planned meetings with friends, though :3

zzz ౨ৎ what are your sleeping positions like?

– i get warm ﾉ overwhelmed by touch quickly sometimes, so we don't rly spoon a lot . . alhaitham prefers to sleep on his back, like a true victorian child, meanwhile i am always sleeping on either side, curled up under the sheets ( . . usually with one leg out haha ) often just touching his chest with my forehead, or just having my hand placed on his arm.

cosmic ౨ৎ who said i love you first? and how did that go?

– al haitham >_< it was rly awkward ﾉ accidental but in an endearing way ? i got back from an expedition in fontaine, and he invited me out for an evening stroll at razan gardens. we sat down under those beautiful gazebos, talked for a bit, and somehow it slipped him . . he quickly apologised for it :( . . but i said yes hehe ♥︎ nd surprised both him and myself with this.

wistful ౨ৎ what’s your sex life like?

– err next question ! ! ! just kidding . . well um overall, we're not intimate much – at least not before moving in together – after that . . we keep it slow and gentle, not too often. we prefer to show our affection through different ways, but ofc enjoy being intimate with each other ‘every now and then’ :3 ( ← liar. like twice a week cough. cough. what. )

sorbet ౨ৎ what does aftercare look like for you and your lover?

– i have really bad stamina, so there's a high chance that i'll just fall asleep afterwards ( skill issue tbh . . ) but mostly we just cuddle or massage our bodies :3 which is not smth we do very often, so it's always a nice treat ♥︎

love letter ౨ৎ what are your love languages? and how do the two of you execute them?

– both of our "main" love languages are acts of service and quality time. he is very thoughtful and often does things without me asking to do so ( like cutting fruit for me, reminding me to drink or doing something i've mentioned off handedly ) he would be reading with me sitting in between his legs crotcheting or drawing . . sometimes, i also give words of affirmation like “you're doing well..” or saying something i sense he needs to hear at that moment ৎ୭ ₊ ˙ .

[mybrainismelted]

Weekly tag Wednesday!! 🌟🌟🌟

Thanks to Elle @suchagallabitch for putting it together this week!!

1. if you could switch bodies with anybody for only one hour who would it be and what would you do? geez, ok... making me think right out of the gate. Let's go with Elon Musk. Totally screw with him. Sell twitter. Give everyone at Tesla raises. Obviously send myself large amounts of money somehow.... Basically drain him dry with charitable donations and acts of goodwill.

2. what's your most trivial / dumbest hot take? oh gosh. Ummm.... I don't have kids, so I should be allowed to take extra time off because my cat needs me

3. if you had to teach a college course what would it be in? Probably something boring and work-related

4. season 12 of shameless is suddenly happen and youve been put in charge! what plot point(s) are you gonna make happen? ok, so first, Liam living with Ian and Mickey because it makes way more sense. Obviously more of the soft and happy side of Gallavich that we all love. Lip and Tami are separated and trying to juggle co-parenting their kids, and the return of Brad.

5. who would be your godly parent? (can be any mythology). wow... really making me think today. ok.... Persephone maybe?

6. what’s something you love about yourself? I can bring groups of people together and force them to bond. lol

7. describe your day in 5 emojis: 🥱💻🖼️😲🦥

8. what shameless character do you think you could beat in a fight? Franny? Freddie?

9. tell us 2 truths and a lie, we’ll try to guess the lie!

I love seafood

I have a pizza addiction

I once ate a giant container of chocolate covered cherries and then puked them back up

10. do you have a pet(s). if so how did they get their name? I have one adorable kitty named Savvy. She is a rescue, and that was what they named her at the shelter. She had already had the name for over a year so I didn't want to confuse her.

11. show us a meme (or picture) that captures your essence

12. whats your typical coffee / tea / beverage order? depends where I am, really. I get different stuff just about every time. But I love a good chai latte.

13. use a song to describe the last 5 years of your life?

2019- I'm like a bird - Nelly Furtado

2020- Bad Day - Daniel Powter

2021- Basket Case - Green Day

2022- Every Day is a Winding Road - Sheryl Crow

2023- It's My Life - Bon Jovi

Phew! That took awhile. Tagging in some peeps to play along! @juliakayyy, @krystallouwho, @jrooc, @creepkinginc, @crossmydna, @ian-galagher, @dynamic-power, @heymrspatel, @lingy910y, @rayrayor, @such-a-barbarian

[movedto-bunny-lovers]

Grass, electric, and ground for either of your F/Os? :0

Hope you & your f/os have a wonderful weekend & thank you for the ask! 😊💛 @effiesaude @hades-beloved @midnightchronicles87 @rocknstar @phan-chan @lish-self-ships @sunkisseddd @phantasmagoria-fox @purewater100

Keigo/Hawks

[Fire]: Who’s the better chef between you and your f/o? Do you ever cook together? If so, what’s your favorite dish to make?

Keigo is a better chef than me. Yes, we do cook together. My favorite dish to make is Spicy Salmon Bowl.

[Water]: What does a beach day with your f/o look like? Do you go swimming or check out the boardwalk?

It's a lot of fun! Keigo & I do both of those things. We also like to build sandcastles & walk on the beach.

[Grass]: You’re going on a picnic with your f/o! What are you packing for the trip and what does the scenery look like?

We're packing sandwiches, lemonade, pasta salad, nuts, bottles of water, plastic plates, cups, utensils, & napkins. The scenery is lovely. A cloudy day for having a picnic.

[Electric]: When did you realize that you were in love with your f/o? When did they realize that they were in love with you?

It was back when Keigo & I were friends at first. It took about a month for me to fell for him. For Keigo, it was when he spend quality time with me and getting to know me. It was also how sweet, kind, and caring I am. He tried to push his feelings down until he couldn't anymore.

[Ice]: It’s starting to snow! What do you and your f/o plan on doing? Do you go sledding? Build a snowman? Or do you guys stay inside to keep warm?

We like to stay indoors during the winter since Keigo & I don't like the cold.

[Poison]: Who’s the better caretaker in your relationship and how do you help each other when one of you is sick?

Keigo is! We make soup & have a drink of water when one of us gets sick. We also make sure we get plenty of rest.

[Ground]: What’s your favorite outdoor activity? What about your f/o’s?

My favorite outdoor activity is walking & Keigo's favorite outdoor activity is birdwatching.

[Psychic]: Is your f/o good at reading your mood and/or helping you feel better? What about vice versa?

Yes, he is & yes for me as well. We always help each other to feel better.

[Bug]: How do you comfort one another when you get scared? Is there any teasing involved?

Keigo comforts me when I'm scared by holding me in his arms, rubbing my back, & holding my hand. I comfort Keigo by holding his hand & rubbing his back. We both use our words for comfort. No, there isn't any teasing.

[Rock]: What kinds of gifts do you get each other for your anniversaries/birthdays/etc?

Keigo gives me flowers, chocolates, clothing, jewelries, cat stuff, stuffed animals, kitchen supplies, tea gift sets & cookbooks. I give Keigo men jewelries, clothing, chocolates, coffee gift sets, mugs & baking books.

[Dragon]: Does your f/o have a kryptonite? Does your s/i know about it? What about vice versa?

No, neither of us have a kryptonite.

[Dark]: Who is more protective of the other? Give us an example of a time one of you protected the other.

Keigo is more protective since he's a Pro Hero. We were at the mall, just walking around. All the sudden, a villain shows up. Keigo steps forward in front of me, with his hands on my shoulder blades from the villain & told me to find a place to hide so he can take care of the villain. I quickly ran to find a safe place to be until Keigo defeats the villain.

[Fairy]: What kinds of AUs do you imagine you and your f/o in? Are any inspired by classic fairytales?

Birds AU, Pokemon AU, Howl's Moving Castle AU, & Fantasy AU. No, there isn't any inspired by classic fairytales.

Rumi/Mirko

[Fire]: Who’s the better chef between you and your f/o? Do you ever cook together? If so, what’s your favorite dish to make?

Hmm. . . I'd say I am! Yes, we both love to cook together. My favorite dish to make is salmon & asparagus with garlic lemon butter sauce.

[Water]: What does a beach day with your f/o look like? Do you go swimming or check out the boardwalk?

Lots of fun, we really enjoy going to the beach together. We do go swimming, play volleyball, walk on the beach, get some tan, & watch the waves.

[Electric]: When did you realize that you were in love with your f/o? When did they realize that they were in love with you?

It was immediately after she saved me from the villain. I had a huge crush on Mirko & couldn't take her off of my mind. For Mirko, it was when she met me at the coffee café in person. She fell in love with me while I was talking about myself.

[Ice]: It’s starting to snow! What do you and your f/o plan on doing? Do you go sledding? Build a snowman? Or do you guys stay inside to keep warm?

We mostly stay indoors but we sometimes go outside to build a snowman, make snow angels & go for a stroll.

[Poison]: Who’s the better caretaker in your relationship and how do you help each other when one of you is sick?

I am! We always make each other soup, a glass of water, & get a plenty of rest.

[Ground]: What’s your favorite outdoor activity? What about your f/o’s?

My favorite outdoor activity is walking & Mirko's favorite outdoor activity is rock climbing.

[Psychic]: Is your f/o good at reading your mood and/or helping you feel better? What about vice versa?

Oh yeah, she is & I am as well.

[Bug]: How do you comfort one another when you get scared? Is there any teasing involved?

Rumi comforts me by holding me in her arms or holding my hand & uses her words. I comfort Rumi by holding her in my arms & use my words of comfort. Yes, we do sometimes tease each other.

[Rock]: What kinds of gifts do you get each other for your anniversaries/birthdays/etc?

We give each other flowers, cookbooks, clothing, fitness accessories, any sweets, jewelries & plushies.

[Ghost]: Has your f/o ever helped you get over a fear? Have they ever pushed you out of your comfort zone?

Yes, she has helped me have the courage to do stuff that I couldn't do before I met her. No, she wouldn't pushed me out of my comfort zone.

[Dragon]: Does your f/o have a kryptonite? Does your s/i know about it? What about vice versa?

No, neither of us have a kryptonite.

[Dark]: Who is more protective of the other? Give us an example of a time one of you protected the other.

Definitely Rumi! It was when I was getting out of the grocery store when a villain was heading to my direction. When the villain was almost near me, Rumi stepped in & kicked the villain. Rumi came by me, holding me & asking me if I was okay. I told her I was okay & thank her for saving me with a smile.

[Fairy]: What kinds of AUs do you imagine you and your f/o in? Are any inspired by classic fairytales?

Summer AU, Grocery Store AU, Superpowers AU, & Pokemon AU. No, there isn't any inspired by classic fairytales.

[thescrump]

Through It All: A Sonamy Story - Chapter 5: "Getting to Know You"

Sonic's curiosity about Amy had grown, and he couldn't help but wonder about the person she was beyond their adventures together. He felt a strong desire to understand her better, to uncover the layers that made her who she was. Sonic knew Amy had many friends in the city, and he wanted to know more about her by talking to them. He decided to visit some of them that he knew personally, hoping they could give him some insight into her personality and interests. He knew it might be a little awkward, but he was willing to endure it.

The first friend he visited was Cream the Rabbit. Cream and Amy had been friends for a while, and she was more than happy to talk about her friend. Vanilla was busy with her job, so Gemerl was taking care of Cream. Sonic stepped into Cream's cozy living room, bathed in the warm glow of sunlight streaming through the windows. Sonic asked Cream about Amy's interests and hobbies. "Oh, Amy loves to read," Cream said. "She's always reading something new, and she loves to discuss books with her friends. In fact, we've started a book club together!" Sonic was surprised. He had no idea that Amy was such an avid reader. "Really? I had no idea," Sonic said with a smile. "Do you have any book recommendations?" Cream thought for a moment before replying. "Definitely the 'Shattering Mirror' series. It really makes you think." "I'll put that one on my reading list." Sonic responded. "She also really enjoys Arthurian stuff, except for Lancelot." "Well, that's something I see we have in common." Cream nodded, pleased that she was able to share some new information about Amy with Sonic. “Wait. Does this mean Amy hates Shadow? Cause when I got sucked into the world of King Arthur, Lancelot was Shadow.” Sonic jokingly said. “I dunno. And you should talk to Big next. He's known Amy for longer than me." Sonic laughed. "Yeah, that makes sense. Thanks, Cream. I'll go see Big next."

Sonic made his way over to Big the Cat's house, which was located by a calm lake just outside the city. The tranquil melody of chirping birds and the gentle rustling of leaves greeted Sonic as he approached Big's house. The peaceful ambiance was heightened by the soft lapping of water against the shore of the nearby lake. As he approached the front door, he could hear Big's deep voice humming a tune. He knocked on the door, and after a few moments, Big answered, a friendly smile on his face. "Hey there, Sonic! What brings you here?" "I was hoping to chat with you about Amy." Sonic said. "Sure thing! Come on in." Sonic followed Big into his cozy living room, where he sat down on a large cushioned chair. Big sat across from him, taking a sip of his iced tea before asking, "So, what do you want to know about Amy?" "I'm just trying to get a better understanding of her. What kind of stuff does she like to do?" Big thought for a moment before answering, "Well, she likes to stay active. You probably know about the boxercise classes she takes." Sonic nodded, "Yeah, I've seen her in action before. She's pretty good." "Oh yeah, she's a natural," Big agreed. "But she also likes to take long walks and go hiking in the mountains." Sonic was surprised again. He never pegged Amy as an outdoorsy type. "I had no idea she was into hiking." "Oh yeah," Big said with a smile. "She's even taken me on a few hikes before. She's always up for an adventure." Sonic chuckled at the thought of Amy leading Big on a hiking adventure. "That's great to know. Thanks, Big." "I'm happy to help." As Sonic got up to leave, he noticed a picture of Amy and Big on a fishing trip hanging on the wall. "That looks like fun," Sonic remarked. "Oh yeah, that was a great trip," Big said, reminiscing. "Amy caught a really big fish that day." "She did?" Sonic asked, impressed. "Yep, it was almost as big as her," Big chuckled. "I gotta admit, I didn't realize Ames was so into fishing," Sonic said. "Well, she's not really into it, per se," Big said. "But she enjoys spending time outdoors, so she was happy to come along." "I see," Sonic said, feeling like he was starting to get a better picture of Amy. "Thanks for the chat, Big. I'll see you around." "Take care, Sonic," Big said, waving as Sonic left.

Sonic left Big's house feeling more enlightened about Amy. He never realized how many interests and hobbies she had. As he walked back into the city, he decided to stop by a bookstore and pick up the "Shattering Mirror" series that Cream had recommended. He couldn't wait to read it and have something new to discuss with Amy.

As he walked down the busy streets, Sonic couldn't help but think about the glimpse he had of Amy's apartment during their battle with Eggman. He remembered seeing a picture of himself on the wall with something written on it. At the time, he couldn't tell what it said, but now he thought it might have been "Maybe It'll Never Happen, Sonic." The image of the picture burned in Sonic's mind, its hidden message tantalizingly elusive. What did they mean? He couldn't shake the feeling that they were important, though. They felt almost scary. But then, he thought harder. "Don't get your hopes too low, Ames. Maybe it will happen. I hope it will happen."

Sonic walked into the bookstore and, after a brief second of peeking at the romance novel section (Amy always defended those books), found the first book in the "Shattering Mirror" series. He paid for the book and left, eager to start reading. As Sonic walked out of the bookstore, clutching the book, he felt a surge of excitement. He couldn't wait to delve into the story. Determination fueled his steps, and he knew he was one step closer to truly knowing her.

[razorsadness]

There is so much, so much to say. So much, these days. And I’m sleep-deprived so this entry will be a haphazard list rather than a well-thought-out piece of prose, but I need to get some of this down because there’s just going to keep being more and more and more.

—The last day of March I dressed up in a very queer-punk getup to attend the Queer Youth Assemble rally in Kenosha. I put my harness on along with my other undergarments, and over that I wore tall black boots and a loose, long black dress and my leather jacket that has studs and appliqué roses on it (the one I always describe as cowpunk-meets-Kathy Acker). I did elaborate eye makeup and darkened my wispy lil’ mustache with mascara, and went to the rally. And a bunch of my cishet ally friends were there, and a bunch of my queer and trans friends were there, including my crush Shelley. (Shelley is a pseudonym and yes, I did christen them that in an homage to both Mary and Percy Byshe, because they are goth and a poet.) All of us were in our Most Gender finery, complimenting each other, and Shelley looked super hot in their leopard coat and cat’s-eye glasses. After the rally ended due to rain, Shelley and a few other folks and I went out for beers and nachos and I can’t tell you how good it felt to be Out and Queer. In fact, our waiter (gender neutral) said they had wanted to be at the rally but couldn’t make it due to work and they thanked us for going and said we all looked ‘hot as fuck.’

—It got warmer as the day went on, rained more, then the fog rolled in, then thunderstorms, then back to just rain, and it was warm enough I was able to leave the window open overnight for the first time this year, and I could hear the rain and the trains.

—April first it got cold again, and the wind returned, and it was not my lover, this was brutal bitter asshole wind. I ran some errands, including meeting up with K. to pick up the Joe Strummer piece I commissioned him to do for Ali’s birthday. And then I had a bit of the sads, because the kids were cranky and I was PMSing. And because I was thinking about M., how it’s now been 18 years since he died, and how it still hurts that I can never tell him how much he meant to me. But I wrote some poems and took some selfies and then I drank a little too much wine and listened to W/IFS, like I do when I’m in my feelings.

—And the two days after that were kind of crappy, I was still sad and cranky from PMS, and stressed about the upcoming election. But I did some voter outreach stuff and wrote more poems and did some painting and ate dark chocolate and drank tea.

—Then election day, and despite the storms (including hail!) Wisconsin turned the fuck out, and the election turned out the way I had hoped, and I am so relieved that my state overwhelmingly voted against the right-wing extremist judge and that my town voted against the MAGA freak mayoral candidate. And P. and I had amazing sex that night.

—And the next couple days were mostly about packing for a trip to Door County, and more poems, and more sex. And there was more rain, more storms, but also warmth, and bits of sun and butterflies, and the greening grass.

—Two days before Easter, we headed north. Everything was muddy and brown and we saw e a lot of birds—hawks and herons and wild turkeys. There were road snacks and road silliness. We saw a truck that said Lubenow on it, and we figured out later it had to be someone’s last name (like Luben-ow), but it was like “got it, looks like Lube Now.” And at the rest area we usually stop at there’s this big Wisconsin tourism sign that’s supposed to look like a license plate, and it says LUV R AG (as in Love Our Agriculture), but again, because of the kerning and design, it looks like Luv Rag. So P. and I were making jokes about how Luv Rag sounds like the name of a band of sleazy middle-aged dudes trying to cling to their ‘80s hair metal days, and I said: “Thank you! We are Luv Rag, and this is our new single, ‘Lube Now!’”

—We were up there for five nights, 4.5 days. It was less stressful than staying with my parents usually is, and except for the first half of our first full day there, the weather was great. I ate a ton of good food and stayed up late writing most nights; found out about a sonnet contest I’m going to enter. P. and I got to go out, just the two of us, several times. We went out for drinks a few times; got to sit out by the fire pit at Door County Brewing Co. and listen to a great folk musician who goes by the name of Hunter Gatherer. (I already liked him cuz when we first arrived, he was playing a cover of Bob Dylan’s “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right,” and then a bit later he was introducing one of his originals and said: “This song’s about running from the cops.” And I liked him even more.) Other times we just drove around the peninsula, or went hiking in Peninsula State Park and exploring our favorite tiny old cemetery. Our last full day there, we took the kids swimming (in a pool, not the lake—it’s still way too cold for that!), and I hadn’t been swimming in years and I had forgotten how much I love it, how at home I feel in the water, like that’s where I belong, like that’s where my body works the way it should.

—We arrived home to the daffodils and violets in bloom and everything even greener, buds on the trees, more warm weather, and there were days of childlike joys and nights of adult pleasures. Days of playing hopscotch with C. and reading endless books, of iced coffee and shooting hoops and watching the backyard birds and squirrels. One evening, we even got to grill for the first time this year, and make s’mores for dessert. Nights of drinking a bit, and hot sex, and staying up late writing.

—Then it got cold again, and it rained, then snowed. Yesterday I felt really bad for the first half of the day. Partly cuz of the weather; gray and cold and gloomy and it was hard being cooped up inside again after that week of warmth and sunshine. Partly cuz I was sleep-deprived (the kids have been waking up hella early lately.) Partly cuz fucking everything was making me cry. I dunno, I was having weird-bad gender feels, and also feeling uninspired/unmotivated writing-wise, like ‘oh, I made it through the first half of NaPoWriMo, but I think I’m tapped out now.’ And maybe a bit of that ol’ pre-Mercury Rx shadow period creeping in there, bringing up old issues and feelings—I was missing my good old bad old scumbag days. The days of freight hoppin’ and basement shows and circus freakery, and dumpster diving and busking and long bike rides across cities, of wheat paste and graffiti and stick n’ pokes and sleeping out, under the stars, giving myself over to scary thoughts, & omens, & excess. The days when most everyone I knew had a clown act and a copy of the Crew Change Guide. I made a cup of tea and lay in bed watching Netflix for a while. First I watched the “Beyond the Binary” episode of Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness, and then I watched Mae Martin’s new comedy special, Sap. And of course both of those have to do with gender stuff (at least in part), and both of them talked about growing up queer/GNC and having such a hard time and turning to drug abuse and other self-destructive behaviors, even though they were white, middle-class kids who were not kicked out by their parents. And I was like, oh hey, me too. And both shows made me cry, and it was good cathartic crying, but I still felt like shit afterwards. So then I started thinking about some ways to bring back some of the less-destructive aspects of my scumbag days back into my life, and I was still feeling sad, and then I decided to check in on the contest results of the WB Yeats Poetry Prize and the Allen Ginsberg Poetry Prize.

Both of them said they’d announce the contest winners on their websites sometime in or after March. The Yeats Prize said it would also contact the winners directly; the Ginsberg Prize said no such thing, but I assumed they would. Starting in mid-March, I was checking both sites every few days or so, and obsessively checking my email/snail mail. And nothing, nothing, nothing. The last time I’d checked the sites was April 3, and yesterday I was like: “Well, it’s been two weeks, there must be some news by now,” and I was assuming I would go on and see the list of winners and my name would not be there and maybe it was a bad idea because I was already feeling so crappy, but then I was also kinda like, well, I might as well get all the bad feelings out of the way at once. But still, on both websites, the most recent winner’s list was from 2022. And then, I shit you not, like eight minutes later, P. brought the mail in and handed me an envelope. Return address: The Poetry Center At Passaic County Community College, One College Blvd., Paterson, NJ. Location of the Allen Ginsberg Poetry Prize. My hands shook as I opened it. And…I fucking won! Not first, second, or third place, but I don’t even care because one of the poems I sent them (the one that is probably, in my opinion, among the best poems I’ve ever written, but also one of the riskiest) received an Editor’s Choice Award! And it’s gonna be published in the Spring 2024 issue of the Paterson Literary Review, and I’ve been invited to participate in the awards ceremony/reading there, next February.

I don’t even know how to express how much this means to me. Professionally, but also personally. Like, first of all, New Jersey is such a huge part of my personal mythology. I was conceived in New Jersey! So many of the people who have meant the most to me, personally/artistically, have New Jersey roots! Like Allen Ginsberg! And Jack Terricloth! And Bruce Springsteen! And my witchwife, Penny! And also just, well, I mean god, Allen Ginsberg. For better or worse, the Beat Generation and punk rock have been the most enduring influences on me/my writing, starting at a very young age, and Allen Ginsberg is definitely towards the very top of that “beat + punk influence list.” I just. Can’t. Fucking. Get Over It. Can’t quite believe it! I keep touching the letter they sent me to remind myself it’s real. (It’s on the Poetry Center’s official stationery, which is on beautiful, thick, creamy paper.) I keep blowing kisses at my framed photo of Ginsberg, one where he’s sitting at his typewriter, writing a poem.

—So yesterday evening, P. and I dropped the kids off at my folks’ house for a bit. We went to pick up takeout dinner for everyone, but also got to have a celebratory whiskey while we waited. And I stayed up late last night. First, I wrote a poem—guess I wasn’t totally tapped out, after all. Then I was just awake scheming and planning (and wishing and hoping). About immediate future stuff, like this year’s vegetable garden, and going through my books to find some to donate to the library’s book sale. As well as the positive scumbaggery I can reincorporate into my life—I remembered that I bought myself that stick n’ poke kit last year, so soon I’m gonna give myself a new tattoo; and I started thinking up ideas for a poetry wheatpaste project. And then—travel. I still wanna travel a bit this year, but I think I’m gonna keep it mostly midwest. Then, next year, I’m gonna head out east again finally, after all these years, for the awards ceremony, but I’m gonna try to book a mini-tour around it, and there will be old friends and new friends and old haunts and…yeah. I am so fucking ready.

—And today I’m sleep deprived, again—I was up late, and the kiddos once again got up stupid early. But I don’t even mind. I got some writing done and listened to some podcasts and oh, tomorrow I get to go see Bikini Kill. I’ve been waiting for this concert for over three years (from when I first bought the tickets in December 2019, before it got postponed many many times due to CoViD), but I’ve also been waiting for this concert since I was twelve—from when I first heard Bikini Kill, and wanted to go see them, but then they broke up before I got the chance. (And yeah, I saw Le Tigre a couple times, and that was fun, but not the same.) And there’s a lot of stuff going on right now that teen me and early-to-mid twenties me would be super stoked about—like the Allen Ginsberg Poetry Prize, like seeing Bikini Kill, like stick n’ pokes and wheatpaste and travel plans. And that feels kinda great; showing my younger self that I am still rocking that shit at my advanced (haha) age. And just overall, things are so good lately. There is so much joy, even in the mundane. Even the bad shit doesn’t seem as bad as it did for a while, because in these past four months I have proven to myself that my life isn’t over, that I can still do rad shit, that I can still experience beauty and joy.

[myriadeyed]

100 Questions for Tetri 1-100

1. What is your name? What is your human’s name?

Tetri, [redacted].

2. How did you get your name?

We’ve told this story a hundred times by now 😆

3. Do you have any nicknames? What do you like to call your human?

I don’t, and I usually call Swift his real name, not Swift.

4. What is your gender, if any?

Just male.

5. How old are you? Do you know your CIE date?

November 11, 2020. That makes me 2 years old.

6. How are you feeling right now?

Quite fine.

7. What is your favorite time of day?

Evening! Specifically the golden hour. When everything is settling in.

8. What is your favorite time of year?

Early to mid October.

9. What is your favorite activity?

Relaxing. Curling up by a fire with a book and a cup of tea.

10. What is your favorite food? Does it differ from your human’s?

Any kind of pastry, especially from a coffee shop. Yeah, Swift doesn’t like sweet stuff as much and I hate the fish he eats.

11. List five of your favorite songs, and five of your human’s favorite songs.

I Will Follow You Into the Dark, Must Be a Dream, Recycled Air, When We Drive, Atlanta; See the Day, Disappear, Dead Weight, Carnivore, CASTLE OF GLASS

12. Who was the last person you talked to, other than your human?

Lumi (one of our headmates).

13. If you could change one thing about your human, what would it be?

I'd make him go to bed earlier.

14. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I don't like disagreeing with Swift on things. I wouldn't want to change my opinions but I'd like to be better at explaining my perspective.

15. Are you affectionate?

Incredibly.

16. Are you introverted, extroverted, or in-between?

I'm kind of an introvert.

17. Do you like to meet other daemons?

Yeah! It's fun.

18. Do you have any friends, excluding your human?

I don't have external friends, but I'm close with all the headmates.

19. What do you do during a conflict?

Mediate and pacify.

20. Are you happy with the amount of time you are projected currently?

If I wasn't, I'd do it more. I'm "visible" when I want to be.

21. Do you have a favorite quote? If so, what is it?

"Sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined." Ocean Vuong.

22. What is your favorite word?

I don't think I have one. Maybe "amber."

23. What is your favorite memory?

Since we share memories, I get to pick from our past before my CIE -- so my favorite memory is from the last day of junior year of high school, the evening after we had just come out to our friends, and we were listening to Lose It by Oh Wonder in the car and just kind of... transcending relief. Tied with the tashlich on our first Rosh Hashanah (and the honey and apples of course).

24. What is your favorite thing about your human?

I like that he's kind. He doesn't believe me when I say it because he only sees interpersonally. But he's got such a strong sense of justice in him. Things make him angry so much because he thinks big picture and wants the best for the world. He just thinks he's irritable.

25. What is your favorite thing about yourself?

My empathy and ability to comfort people. (Swift wants me to expand on this because he thinks I have low self-esteem.) I think I have a natural calmness and I liken myself to a cat in my ability to sense when someone is upset and offer a comforting presence. That's why I first appeared as a cat.

26. Have you learned anything new about yourself?

I'm constantly learning new things about myself. We all are.

27. Where would you like to travel to?

I'd like to go to Santa Fe.

28. Is there anyone that you would like to meet or get to know better?

No. Those things will happen naturally.

29. How often do you change forms?

Never. I'm always a civet.

30. What are your favorite forms to take?

Have been a civet since 2021, but I used to take a ratsnake form that I liked.

31. Are there any forms that you dislike or refuse to take?

Before I settled, I refused to take any kind of bird form. Flying, heights and being off the ground unsettles me.

32. If you took a fictional form, what would it be?

Turtleduck from Avatar.

33. Have you ever fronted or attempted to front?

No, and I wouldn't want to.

34. Do you have any regrets?

Oh, plenty. But why get into them here?

35. Do you love your human?

Of course! What kind of question--

36. Have you ever felt a close bond to another human/daemon/headmate?

I have a close bond with all the headmates. We're like a little family.

37. What are you afraid of?

Flight. Especially on airplanes. Cursed death traps.

38. Does your human have a headspace? What does it look like?

No.

39. Which form best describes YOUR personality?

Ragdoll cat. Or a quieter kind of dog.

40. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years?

Somewhere peaceful. Settled down and in a comfortable rhythm in life.

41. What is the earliest conversation you can remember having with your human?

We talked about Swift's special interest in video game history. That's how we bonded for the first time. Easier for him to get to know someone if they're talking about his favorite thing in the world, the cathode-ray tube amusement device (nerd).

42. Do you have a favorite number? What it is?

I can't think of one!

43. What is your favorite color? Does it differ from your human’s?

Brown :)

44. How would you describe your sense of humor?

Dadlike.

45. What annoys you?

Getting wet or cold.

46. What makes you happy?

Lots of things! People, cats, poetry, sailboats, tea, greenhouses and bakeries. To name a few.

47. What makes you sad?

I don't like to think about sad stuff, so pass.

48. Where are you at this moment, and in what form (if any)?

On the armrest of the couch.

49. Do you use any form of social media (besides [TUMBLR])?

I have been known to send the occasional PluralKit message.

50. What does your voice sound like?

I think it's kind of Jacob Geller-esque, but a little deeper.

51. What are your favorite smells?

Cookies baking, new book smell, old book smell, coffee, fresh-cut grass, autumn rain, and unscented candles.

52. What images, scents, and sounds do you associate with your human?

Uncanny stuff. Like liminal spaces and weird CGI. He loves it.

53.Do you care about politics?

No.

54. Are you religious?

Not particularly.

55. Are you satisfied with your life right now?

No sense in being satisfied or unsatisfied. Just live with the goal of being happy, without caring whether you already are or what you could be doing better. So, satisfied I guess.

56. Is there something that you are looking forward to?

Getting a cat.

57. What are some of your life goals?

My goals align with the system*'s. We don't have concrete plans at the moment.

58. Do you care about clothing? What is your favorite outfit that your human wears?

Nah, I've never cared. It's not my body, so.

59. Do you wear any accessories?

No.

60. What is your current eye color? Does it change depending on your form?

Always brown.

61. What type of pet would you want? Why?

Cat! Rat would also be fun.

62. Do you have any favorite TV shows?

His Dark Materials.

63. Are you a worry wart?

Oh yeah.

64. What is something that you hate?

I don't think I hate anything. That's a strong word.

65. What is your favorite type of weather?

Clear skies and warm temperatures but not humid.

66. Do you enjoy getting caught in the rain?

No! I hate it. I hate getting rained on-- oh I guess I do hate something.

67. Do you care much about your appearance?

Nah.

68. Are you talkative, or quiet?

I would say I'm pretty quiet, but Swift says I'm the most frequent converser in the brain.

69. Have you ever made a mistake?

You think I could live 2 years without making a single mistake?

70. What is your greatest personal achievement?

You know what? I'm proud of settling. It shows stability.

71. Do you have any guilty pleasures?

I don't feel guilt for pleasure, we're not Catholic.

72. What do you do when your human is unhappy?

I usually try to offer advice but all he usually needs is just someone to talk to and be around.

73. Do you like to cuddle?

Yes.

74. What’s your plan for the rest of the day?

It's 11:30 pm.

75. What is your favorite day of the week?

Saturday.

76. Do you like to sing or dance?

Yeah, I dabble in it.

77. Are you lazy?

Oh, I'd like to think not.

78. Are you stubborn?

Not at all. The opposite.

79. Have you ever felt lonely?

I'm never alone. But yes.

80. How do you feel about your human participating in romantic relationships?

For.

81. Can money buy happiness?

No.

82. Do you have any quirks or odd habits?

I love windowsills. I just hang out on the windowsill at any place we go.

83. Do you believe that life exists on other planets?

Yeah.

84. Where is “home” for you?

Home is anywhere you decide to make it.

85. Have you ever played devil’s advocate?

No, I see no reason to.

86. Describe yourself in six words.

Friendly little-guy-coded cat-shape.

87. Do you have any inside jokes?

Probably.

88. If you were corporeal for a day, what would you do?

I'd taste. I'd make a day out of tasting. Lots of sugary foods. Obviously I can taste vicariously through Swift but it's not the same y'know?

89. What was your favorite moment from today so far?

Breakfast.

90. Are you sarcastic?

No, not really. Too earnest.

91. If you were a human (or already take a human form), what would you look like?

I think it's a silly question because I don't have a human form, so I could look like literally anything.

92. Do you have any hidden talents?

No, I don't think so.

93. Have you ever named anything?

Myself.

94. Have you ever appeared in your human’s dream?

Maybe once or twice but not autonomously.

95. Has your personality changed since you first came into existence?

A little, but we attribute that to the fact that people just change sometimes over the course of years. Swift has changed a lot too. We changed each other.

96. Have you/your human ever changed your name?

No. We were right the first time.

97. Have you ever told a lie?

No, never!

98. Do you curse?

Not much.

99. Have you ever felt jealous?

No.

100. What inspires/motivates you?

Mary Oliver poems.

[shewhoeatssand]

I posted 7,358 times in 2022

That's 1,075 more posts than 2021!

71 posts created (1%)

7,287 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@rizeenthusiast

@theeggistheworld

@daiyken

@tg-headcanons

@ghostalope

I tagged 1,114 of my posts in 2022

#tokyo ghoul - 456 posts

#kaneki ken - 257 posts

#kaneki - 142 posts

#ken kaneki - 125 posts

#tokyo ghoul:re - 97 posts

#tg - 65 posts

#anime - 60 posts

#tokyo ghoul re - 59 posts

#tokyoghoulcore - 57 posts

#queued post - 57 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#and it’s just akira going ‘oh? you want to see the cat? here’s the cat then’ and she pulls out haise looking very uncomfy wearing cat ears

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

General TG characters and what pets they should/shouldn’t have

When I say “general” I mean the ones either from Anteiku or ones that were introduced before :re and aren’t shown to be part of an organization. I’ll do CCG and Aogiri characters later.

Hide - Our favourite blond boy! I think it’d be illegal for me not to let him have a golden retriever. He’d take it on walks to Johoku Chuo park on the weekends, and he’d name it Ethan after the first blond boy in The Blond Boys (the one who performs for the other boys with a ribbon baton).

Kaneki - A house cat. Just an American shorthair or calico from off the side of the road. This cat would probably live a very calm life, sitting on it’s owner’s lap while he reads, before suddenly being thrown into a house with a bunch of strangers and being fed scraps of human meat lol. I think it’d be very therapeutic for Kaneki to have a cat though, and Touka can look after it while Haise is happening.

Touka - A rabbit!! She should absolutely have a rabbit. She already loves rabbits, and I imagine the only reasons she doesn’t have one yet is because she doesn’t have the space, money or time to look after it properly, but if she did, she’d have a rabbit. Heck, she could have multiple rabbits. And she would spoil them rotten too, and buy them cute outfits and take them for walks to shrines and stuff (can you walk a rabbit? I hope you can). Just. Touka with rabbits. It would be amazing.

Tsukiyama - He must have horses. A bunch of them big sprinty bois. I don’t know horses very well, so I can’t tell you exactly which breed of horse he’d own (though I’m pretty sure I remember someone making a post about it!), but let’s say he has multiple horses of a variety of breeds. They’d probably live on a separate property dedicated to his horses, with a lot of land on it for them to explore. Shuu would also take photos of them in beautiful places a lot, and run a blog posting about his horses.

Yoshimura - A cage full of budgies, that would be named after different teas and flowers that Ukina used to like. They’d live upstairs in Anteiku, and be evacuated to Yomo’s shipping container when the CCG came to destroy Anteiku. Yoshimura would probably put pretty potted plants inside their cage for them to investigate every once in a while. I can also see him putting a large tank full of goldfish for the customers to watch inside the shop.

Uta - Another bird. But this time, it’s a big bird. Uta would probably like owning an African Grey bird, because it can be trained to say more words than most birds, and can therefore be used in some of the best pranks. Imagine being a dove, and chasing down a ghoul, but then it disappears around a corner and you hear “quick! He’s over here!”. Then this voice proceeds to lead you around in circles for 20 minutes, before the ghoul you were chasing earlier appears with a bird on his shoulder and kills you while laughing his head off. Typical day for investigators once Uta gets himself a bird.

Roma - Every time I see the name “Roma”, I think of the tomato. Which makes me think of gardening, which makes me think of guinea pigs. Roma would probably own exactly 2 guinea pigs, and they would be called Felony and Misdemeanor, however she would tell most people that they’re called Felix and Missy. She would feed them lettuce from her neighbor’s garden, and join race groups to put them in guinea pig races, then if her guinea pigs ever came last, she would kill everyone at the tournament.

Nishiki - I can’t believe I got this far without remembering Nishiki! He would have a chihuahua that was originally bought for his girlfriend Kimi, but then he ended up taking it for walks instead of her, and then it got really attached to him and now he sleeps next to the chihuahua more often than he sleeps with Kimi. If anyone ever laughs at him for owning a chihuahua, he will flip them inside out and hang them from a telephone pole, which he will make very clear to everyone. Good job Nishiki.

Koma - I can think of two things for Koma - either an entire giant catfish (yes! A whole catfish!) or a squirrel monkey, but I’ll go with the catfish for now because it’s funnier. Originally he wanted a trilobite, but when he found out they didn’t exist anymore he bought a giant catfish instead. Obviously he couldn’t fit the catfish in a regular fish tank, so he took it to a hidden pond in the woods and marked out a trail with a sign that said “Koma’s catfish trail” on it so he could remember where to go. He even put a collar on the catfish with a tracker before leaving it, and sent an Ape to the woods each day to feed it and update him on how the catfish is going. However, the government did not enjoy having a catfish trail that lead to an actual catfish in their forest, so they sent someone to remove it and set it free. So when Koma received news that someone moved his catfish, he tracked them down, brought 50 ghouls to their house, yelled at them for 2 hours, stole their toenails and threatened to kill them if they or another person moved his catfish again. Then he orchestrated a mission to find his catfish, followed the tracker, got his catfish and put it the fuck back because no one moves his goddamn catfish.

Irimi - A black doberman, as a group mascot, and a little pink axolotl that she buys miniature hats for. The hats usually fall off though. She takes the dog for walks in the same park as Hide, so sometimes when they see eachother they have to awkwardly say hello while their dogs yap at eachother very very loudly and attract the attention of everyone around them.

34 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

#4

Comments under a picture of Tsukiyama Shuu alongside some other characters on Pinterest

38 notes - Posted August 6, 2022

#3

Small wip sneak peek of the Kaneki fanart that just happens to be an entire month late 💕

40 notes - Posted January 4, 2022

#2

Yoriko when she eventually finds out Kaneki made most of her bento and Touka is just taking the credit for it

44 notes - Posted October 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hide hides another print of this underneath Kaneki’s pillow whenever he goes to sleep over at his house

83 notes - Posted March 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[ashjade19]

Chifuyu x (fem) reader

“Hey beautiful, how are you?” Chifuyu asks as (y/n) opens her door.

“Pretty good, how are you Fuyu?” The (h/c) haired girl smiles happily.

“I was good, but now I’m even better because I’m with you!”

“Alright you two! Can it with the mushy gushy stuff!” Baji yells from his motorcycle, his girlfriend sitting behind him, arms wrapped around his waist.

Chifuyu turns back to look at his best friend, shaking his head before replying.

“Oh don’t act like you weren’t mushy and gushy with Sora over there!” Chifuyu only gets a chuckle in response.

“Alright, let’s get going!” (Y/n) closes the door to her house and locks it before walking over to her boyfriend’s bike and getting on.

“Hey Sora and Baji! How are y’all?” (Y/n) asks the other couple as Chifuyu gets on his bike and puts on his helmet.

“We’re pretty good, excited for this double date!” Sora responds before both bikes start up. Baji revs his engine and Sora hits his head lightly to get him to stop showing off. Chifuyu and (y/n) laugh at their friends' dynamic.

They start driving towards the pet shop, which was a weird place to go for a double date, but all of them loved animals and just wanted to pet them.

“Oooo, Fuyu! Look at this one! Isn’t she so cute?” (Y/n) pointed towards a little calico kitten.

All Chifuyu could do was look at his girlfriend with love in his eyes, because not only did she look beautiful, but her personality was amazing. She is definitely his soulmate.

“Just as cute as you are babe.” He grins.

She gives him a kiss on the cheek before petting the kitten. After hearing a click she turns towards her boyfriend who is holding his phone in his hand.

“Sorry, just wanted to capture the moment you know?” He grins while showing her the picture.

It was a good picture, the light streaming behind her perfectly. (Y/n) could see that she had a small smile on her face while the kitten was snuggling against her hand.

“It’s now my new Lock Screen!” Chifuyu exclaims, happy to have a new picture of her.

“Come on you two! We gotta get to the pottery place!” Sora runs up to the couple while Baji walks behind her.

“Okay, we’re coming! No need to shout.” (Y/n) calmly states.

When the two couples finally make it to the pottery workshop, they notice it is early afternoon. In seeing that everyone is hungry and there was a boba tea place next door, they stop in for drinks.

“Honey tea with mango jellies please.” Sora grins at the lady taking orders.

“Make that two of those! I’ll pay.” Baji gives the lady the money.

“Babe! You didn’t have to, but thanks!” Sora gives her boyfriend a kiss on the cheek.

Baji hums before turning and whispering something into her ear. After he pulls away (y/n) sees she’s blushing and Baji’s mischievous smirk.

(Y/n) laughs at the sight, guessing what Baji said.

“Go ahead angel, I’ll pay.” Chifuyu smiles at her before getting his wallet out.

“I’ll have (favorite order) please!” She moves to the side so Chifuyu can order.

“Hmmm, I think I’ll have the same please.” He hands the lady the money before walking over to where Baji and Sora were with (y/n).

“Thanks Fuyu!”

“No problem Angel.”

After getting their drinks, the two couples walk next door to the pottery workshop. They decided to paint some pottery, each of them making something for their significant other. (Y/n) looking in amazement as Sora paints a plate with different cats for Baji. Sora grins and compliments (y/n)’s, which is a flower pot in the shape of a cat, her painting the cat as Chifuyu’s cat, Peke J.

“I can’t believe we’re all doing something with cats, it’s kind of funny!” Chifuyu laughs. He’s painting a mug with cats on the inside and the outside.

“No kidding! I guess we all just love cats.” (Y/n) smiles.

“Maybe next time we do birds or dogs or something?” Sora mentions, more focused on her artwork.

“Hmm, I’m thinking dogs next time.” Baji says, eyes also focused on the bowl with cats on it.

“Annnnnd into the kiln it goes!” Sora exclaims.

“I hope they turn out okay.” Chifuyu says anxiously.

“It’ll be fine!” (Y/n) smiles, holding her boyfriend’s hand.

“Mmmhm. You know what would make me feel better?” He asks while bringing her in closer.

“Ooo, let me guess. A kiss?”

“You know it, sugar.”

“Alright, only cause you asked.” She smiled before leaning in.

[zenkor123]

Peeta’s Morphling fever dreams WIP

(To add to all of Peeta’s journal entries or make a separate post)

Eating Morphling cake

After finishing Thom’s cake I cooked an additional cake for myself and the members of the victors cell. I had made the cake by adding honey, Morphling gel, morphling grains, flour, apple paste together. I cook them in the Den it takes 1 hours to cook. Then one needs to add frosting to the cake which takes another hour. I take my first slice and finish it. It has a very strong taste. My hallucinations feel more physical, doctor Galena says it is a result of Morphling interacting with my digestive system. It’s like my hallucinations are inside of me. I sometimes can't see what they are. They are cats, pigs, dogs and they are inside me. There is fish swimming in my stomach. They then leave my body in lines one after the other. Doctor Galena had prim give these to the patients she is learning “bedside manners.” So is spending time in the hospital wing with us.

Drinking Morphling tea

I want to create Morphling tea, I read about it In the library, tea is finally coming to district 13 thanks to the rebellion. It is a sack with burnt Morphling mushrooms that are ground up. Morphling tea is also used for smoked Morphling and Morphling Incense. I suppose that it hasn’t made ground in district 13 because of its strong smell which could alert the authorities. But All that we do, is done with the consent of the president of district 13. If we apply Morphling aroma to closed spaces she will not be seen as overtly tied to us.

Eating Morphling raw

Morphling comes in the form of colorful mushrooms in the wild, it has chambers inside that store fluid of many different colors. While gathering enough raw Morphling to fill a bag, I decide to taste one. I begin to hallucinate about unicorns. The Morphling begins to fall out of the bag as I drop the bag, I see more unicorns. Raw Morphling is the strongest though it tastes like onions and is one of the worst smelling things I have ever seen. I hear gale vomit, or at least I think I do. All the birds begin to fly away. But I feel great! I am running around filled with energy, then feel an intense exhaustion, I wake up in the med wing and am told that I feel asleep. When I’m told that Katniss is the one who dragged me here my pain returns. I really need to talk to her to find out what’s going on among other stuff if not for everything. I snuck out at night and saw this time talking bread loaves. I ate the bread loaves and they felt real but not quite. Tracker Jacker venom apparently evolved from Morphling which grows inside Tracker Jacker abdomins and is mixed with Venom. The most reliable way to make sure the jackers haven’t fouled up the Morphling is to avoid purple Morphling mushrooms at all costs. I woke up and got a scolding from the guards. I half expected it to be Katniss again. They told me that I wasn't found until the morning, I slept in the grass and was found my the morning patrol. It was Katniss again, she noticed I wasn’t in the hospital quarters. I almost think she cares about me but then I remember I tore out her larynx, and did other bad stuff when I was Peeta that I don’t need to recount again. If someone who did all that to you was roaming the corridors of 13, you would be scared and unsafe. I’m so sick of Katniss. After writing this I’m going to put raw Morphling in her quarters! Nah I’m just going to go to bed. The air makes the Morphling so much better, the hallucinations more vivid. I am going to push for the addition of more ventilation in both my room and In the Morphling den. I need to verify my theory with D6 however, I will send them a letter tomorrow. I think the closed spaces of 13 has had a great impact on the Morphling experience of our customers. I am going to begin keeping one raw Morphling mushroom on me as a Katniss repellent when I’m outside. I want to see if I can get away with sleeping outside again. She is so good at hiding I never know when she is watching me, or when it is an hallucination. I would go even more crazy then I already am trying to notice it so I just ignore it. A part of me feels comforted and warm by it while the rest feels either annoyed, curious or angry.

Smoking Morphling

Smoking Morphling used to be popular before the dark days and I sometimes feel relaxed by it, unless if it clogs up the air. I sometimes smoke Morphling when I’m collecting Morphling mushrooms.

Snorting Morphling

This is Haymitch’s favorite method of consuming the mushroom gold

[warcats-cat]

✨💖Positivity chain! List 5 to 10 things that make you smile and explain why! Send to others who also make you smile✨💖

I've had this for a hot second and I wanted to answer it so anon I'm sorry it took me so long 💜

When I see red cardinals they always remind me of my grandfather because they were his favorite bird and there are some people who believe a visit from a cardinal is a sign of a passed family member coming to visit. When I worked in the puppet show a few years ago (one of my dream jobs) a cardinal showed up and sat on our table the first night, and he didn't leave until we had to get up and put the curtains and stuff up.

I love stickers so much and the fact that so many people now send stickers as little bonus gifts when you buy something on Etsy/Mercari/eBay makes me extremely happy. Even if it's not a sicker I particularly want to use, then I get to pass it on to another person to make them smile too.

Singing in the car//in the shower when I can be as loud as I want and dance a little bit (less in the car obv.) I always wanted to be in theatre and even though I pursued it and things didn't work out, I still have my voice and my iPod and I can perform for myself.

My dad tries to make tea for me when it starts to get cold because he knows I hate mornings and cold weather and he almost always puts it in my little penguin shaped thermos named Buster, who he treats as a "grandson" 💜

Going to crafting events with my mom even though I'm going to be doing a totally difference craft most of the time and she usually wanders away from the table to talk with people because she's a social butterfly and I'm an introvert but at the end of the day we both feel happy that we did something fun "together".

Going to the Renaissance Festival (any of them) and complimenting people on their super cool/interesting/silly outfits and seeing their eyes sparkle a little because making something takes a lot of time and it's nice to have that recognized. Also trading little toys and crafts with people (trinket trading) because I know I'll remember how I got most of not all of them, especially the handmade and themed ones.

Going somewhere like a small shop or park and stumbling up on a surprise friendly dog or cat and getting to pet them (especially kitties. I love kitties.) also so many pets that were at the Great Lakes Renaissance festival in little costumes (there was a kitty with little dragon wings and his person let me hold him and he was so warm and purring 💜💜💜)

I always request someone send me a silly photo so I can use it as a contact photo for them in my phone and they almost always forget they did that so when they see their face pop up months/years later they can laugh about it, and usually tell me the story behind it.

[the-eclectic-fox]

Comic Con Eve

I used to have a blog where I talked about art stuff and life stuff. I closed it down cause no one was visiting it, but I kind of miss doing work recaps and just having a place for all my word vomit.

I'm a very angry and tired person today. I'm super warm, but my hands are like ice, yet somehow also clammy. And clammy hands drive me mental so I'm constantly washing my hands and wiping my hands (which is awesome when you're covered in cat hair). So this should go well.

Today is set-up for Comic Con, and set up days are ALWAYS a nightmare (only comparable to tear-downs). Trying to get into the building, getting everything off the truck, FINDING a cart, getting our passes (they screw this part up every year for me), finding our table (also, screwed up every year), and finally getting everything set up.

Then my friend and her dad will be staying with us for the weekend (she volunteers for me, he volunteers for the doctor who society), and I love them dearly, but you can't have any kind of schedule or plan with him around.

Then, my body decided after 2.5 hours of sleep that it was ready to get up. So I've been up since 2am. And starting at 9:45am were the phone calls. Literally between 9:45am and 2:30pm I've had NINE PHONE CALLS, and I'm waiting on MORE! I have crippling anxiety, if my phone rings when I'm not expecting it - it causes a panic attack and sometimes impromptu vomiting. Mental health issues are great.

GI flare started yesterday, plus I have a super weak cold but having the two at the same time is mildly terrifying. If I sneeze or cough at the wrong time I am ruining EVERYONE'S day. But the funny (and sad) thing about it was I've been doing SO good with my diet, I haven't had attacks in months! Then, this week between con prep, house prep, and being sick ...this dumb-ass forgot to eat ...for 5 days. I last ate Sunday ...and it's Friday afternoon and I still haven't eaten anything. I am surviving solely on Tea caffeine (I'm not a coffee drinker) and spite. So the attack was my own stupidity. Sigh. Will I get the chance to eat tonight? Who the hell knows! Yay con! (This is why vendors always look frazzled - I'm not the only one with horror stories about prep)

Comic con fuck-up aside, I got bumped up to the vendor area in the Featured Artist wall! Instead of the tiny room no one can ever find where they stuff all the artists. So I have hope this year! I also have tons of new stuff, and did a complete overhaul to my prints.

This year I will still have prints, only limited to 5 of each and once sold out they're done! But I will also have lanyards, key chains, bookmarks, stickers, cups, shirts, tank tops, and hats. I'm super excited for the lanyards and key chains since this is the first time I've ever made them!

Highlight of it all? I get to see my best friend, my nails are a bangin' shade of orange, and after con starts HUNTING SEASON! I have three of them this year! And also in 2 weeks I will see my parents cause we are taking the last two days of bird camp to hunt birds on my parents property with my dad. Always a highlight of comic con.

[dzpenumbra]

7/26/23

The creaks woke me up again. I still have no idea whether these are new neighbors or I was just too distracted by my cat being sick to notice these sounds before. I really don't feel like it was this loud during the winter, I think these are new tenants. That creaking sound is very distinct and unique, I feel like I would've remembered it. Maybe the new tenants put a couch right on that floorboard and the last tenants didn't, who knows.

Either way, I was up after 4 hours of sleep. I gave up on going back to sleep and played more of that Mini Motorways game. Then decided to apply my time a bit more productively and played around in Magic (the visualizer program) again. I made some pretty cool effects. But since I have open-backed headphones, I could hear the creaks loud as hell. And they are fucking loud... like I had the volume blasting, playing metal, and I could hear it clear over the music.

I eventually went up and added another shim to the molding. Maybe they kinda worked their way out from abrasion, I don't know. I got them in there as far as I could with just my hands and it seemed to make a difference. Guess this is my life now... Really makes me sit on the fence about renewing my lease, but there is literally nowhere else to go. The only other option would be me talking to my building manager and seeing if I could change units... or find some other arrangement. Which is a shame, I like my unit number (111). But I also like sleep. So... yeah.

The caffeine detox is actually going surprisingly well. I was expecting worse headaches, but I've been doing good. I went from 1 liter of coffee daily to one cup of green tea daily. Pretty big jump. The tradeoff is... I've been adding honey, and I drink coffee black... so there's more sugar in my diet. But honey is healthier, right? Right?

But yeah, I went back to sleep to get a nap in around 2PM. It sucked because it was actually a nice day out and I wanted to go skating. I put on a binaural beats thing made for a 90-minute nap and ended up sleeping through three of them. So I didn't get up until like... 6:30?

That shit really fucks up your day. Starting your day at 6:30PM just throws off all your rhythm, even if you're accustomed to a nocturnal life. I got everything prepped for "breakfast", made my tea and did my yoga. By the time I was done with breakfast, it was past 8PM. That's always a stressful moment. Like... "oh shit, when am I going to eat dinner then?!"

I went on a Blender deep-dive today. It just pulled me in. My experimentation with Magic earlier in the day led me back to the idea of importing a mandala as... each component being a separate 3D model part that can be manipulated individually. So like... rings, leaf and pedal shapes, stuff like that. And once make one of those shapes, I have it forever, so I can just plug it into a new scene. That led to me diving headfirst into my first experiment with making a 3D mandala model. Meaning - it looks like a mandala when looking from bird's-eye view, but it is actually a 3-dimensional structure, a temple. I can see it taking shape, I see its potential. I just... have very little experience with the workflow of 3D modeling, so I sank several hours into just... learning how to do the basics.

After that, I did dinner. Something basic, pesto with tomato and fresh mozz on the side. I watched Dan Corrigan explain his extremely unhealthy methods of focusing his anger, pain and frustration into sheer willpower and determination in order to skate better. Which is... probably why he gets hurt so often... And he was describing how other people he knows don't do that, and he "can't do it" their way. How they can just walk away from a trick and take a breather and then come back. And he "can't". And I said out-loud, "no, Dan, you won't." But man... do people get upset when you say shit like that to their face. Because it's fucking true. It's true. You really want to tell me that you are physically incapable of walking away from a trick and taking a breather? You just completely lose a concept of free will? You could try. But you don't want to. Because that's the system you're used to. That's what gets results. That's your method. Even if it's unhealthy, even if it physically hurts you, even if it knocks you out of skating for weeks at a time and will likely end your career years shorter than it has to... it's yours. It's what got you this far, and no one can take that from you, right?

That's where I think it's super important to really... be mindful, be aware, of what behaviors and actions you identify your self with. And whether they are really achieving your goals, whether they are worth the cost. Using this example... he skated for like... probably half an hour to an hour? With a rock in his fucking shoe. Because he "could not" stop trying the trick until he landed it. Because sitting down and taking the rock out of his shoe would take a while because his hips carry a tremendous amount of tension (I wonder where that came from...), then he has to take the shoe off, and get the rock out, and then put it back on and stand back up. It's a whole thing. And by the time he's back up, he's afraid he will have lost all his momentum.

That's the core of it. He's afraid walking away from the trick will fuck him up and he'll lose his progress. Like his mom is calling him for dinner but he hasn't reached a savepoint in a video game without autosave. That example today made me see the differences between determination, self-punishment and fear-driven obsession - different types of "motivation" - and many shades where they overlap. I started to see where I still use it, and how much I've changed since then.

I remember about a year ago noticing this in Andy Schrock, too. How tense he holds his body, specifically his shoulders. Dan... I guess it's in his hips and neck, but it's not as obvious. Andy is super obvious, he carries a tremendous amount of tension in his shoulders, arms and hands. And he had to get surgery on both of his shoulders to correct that. It's gotta be so fucking hard to be a doctor or a physical therapist, man. Good lord. When you can visibly see that someone is fucking up their body because they're just holding tension in the wrong places, and all they have to do is fucking relaaaaax. Just get massages, take a bath, do yoga, practice relaxation. Practice letting go. But as that doctor... you can't say shit without sending them into a rage. Pride's a real bitch.

I can't even begin to tell you how valuable practicing relaxation has been in my yoga practice. That psoas routine I've been doing off and on for months? There's a pose in it... let me see if I can find it... It's basically Lizard pose, but you bring your back foot up behind you, then reach back with your opposite arm and grab your toes and bring your heart to the sky. I hadn't been able to reach my toes at all. Like... it felt like it just was never gonna happen. But the last time I did this video and today, I just sorta... found extra room. By relaxing and moving in different ways. And bracing my knee so the pressure against the floor didn't hurt the nerves above my kneecap. And I was able to do it pretty easily. A lot of the problems that I have, like struggling with my hips and sitting crosslegged, are 100% because I just struggle to relax. And I've struggled to relax those muscles for so long... that I forget how to use them. I forget what relaxing them feels like.

Such an incredibly valuable tool, not just for the body... not just for longevity and avoiding injury from accumulated bad habits... but for the mind as well. The regular practice of willful, mindful relaxation and letting go has been crucial in my mental health care. Which is why I was a bit baffled that I can overlook F35s flying over my apartment every week... but this creaky board... I just can't let it go. I just can't get used to it. Welp, progress isn't perfection. But it's still progress!

Speaking of progress, I began detail work on my grip tape. As with all improvised details in a permanent medium... it was spooky. Look, improvising abstract designs like the bubble designs, those are a different story. Those are comparatively pretty easy. Mandalas... see, the whole impact that a mandala has, the impressive effect of it is its symmetry. The more symmetrical it is, the more "wow" factor. Typically, at least. So... there's always that inner pressure to like... make sure all the iterations are identical. To the point where I get urges to grab a fucking ruler. And I had to remind myself regularly that I am not an architect, I'm not an engineer, peoples' lives don't depend on these measurements. In fact... with this piece in particular, I'd prefer some variation. The piece alternates gold rounded pedals and red pointed leaves, eight of each. It naturally has a very organic feel. So I really like the idea of individualization, of letting each leaf have its own personality, but being themed the same. It was pretty inspired by my Pothos leaves. How the new leaves are very clearly the same species and plant, and look very similar, but have their own personality. So, you know... allowing little quirks like circles not perfectly lining up, or a leaf to be a little lopsided, or subtle variation in shading or base texture. These variations are not visible at all from a distance, even to my eye, and I designed and painted the damn thing. But once you get up close, you can see that they actually don't all have the same exact design... not like a computer mirrored and cloned them... but each leaf within itself is a symmetrical, balanced composition - that's an effect you can only get from adding in the extra effort of designing each leaf individually.

So far, I got the inner 3 layers of the mandala done, the finest details. The rest will elaborate on the last corresponding color's layer designs, basically taking the last design and blowing it up to a larger scale, and then adding in new details within that detail. So... kind of a fractal effect, in a way. I just need to be cautious about adding in too much detail, or else... I won't be able to skate for the next 2 weeks! XD

Yeah, I'm still not sure how to go about skating this thing before the detail is done. It's at least 2-3 more days of painting, unless I really sit down and marathon session this thing. Which... honestly is tempting. We'll see. I might have to find a better way of transporting it in the time being, I'm afraid that was really what scuffed the paint... not my shoes, but my backpack. I might have to put the board inside my backpack instead of using the straps on the back. We'll see.

Alright. Well... I want to get to bed, the birds are making it very clear that despite me not seeing any daylight, it is absolutely dawn. I am also becoming more aware that... I haven't done tarot in a long fucking time. That sleep deprivation just like... hard-reset my life. My workout routine is gone, my tarot study is gone, my diet planning is gone. Ugh. Welp, let's baby step some tarot study back, shall we? One card, something to keep an eye out for tomorrow.

:( Inverted Ten of Cups. Ten of Cups is the happy ending, joy and harmony with loved ones. Inversion being... a disconnect, a dissonance in this symbol.

It's always so hard for me to see this card, especially approaching... 37 in a few months... and having never been in a "real" relationship, a healthy "real" relationship. Relationships and bonding have been on my mind (and my subconscious) a lot lately. Maybe tomorrow will be an opportunity for me to find a bit more awareness of what specifically is preventing me from finding this life. Maybe I already have some good ideas there... like me never leaving my house... and spending all day every day alone... Maybe I can use this symbol as inspiration to try to resolve that dissonance.

Maybe if I get up at a decent hour... I can go check out a cool hippie vegetarian restaurant nearby and see if anyone who works there is cool? Maybe scope out prices on the yoga studio nearby and see if taking a class there would be a nice way to both get some assistance with my practice and maybe meet like-minded people?

Good lord, just thinking about it gets me emotionally overwhelmed. It's hard to explain. It just feels... loud. Like... going from a library to the middle of a crowd at a concert. I've been away from these venues for so long that the mere thought of it just immediately makes me think "oh god, that's gonna be intense." And the classic, "be careful, you might fuck it up with your lack of practice."

God, the same excuse with art, with music, with skating, with streaming, now with just having a fucking conversation. That gut instinct that says "hey man, it's been a while since you've done that... you might... fuck it up. You might... make a mistake. And embarrass yourself, or weird people out. Can't afford that, can you? Better stay home, play it safe." Hey, gut instinct. Fuck you. I mean, you're me so... I love you... but... you're really not being helpful in this situation. XD

To close this out, I want to share a moment I experienced tonight in another one of those Adam Savage videos. He said very explicitly - and this was like... pure enlightenment - after a 40 minute rabbit-hole of measurement systems and how you can't actually measure anything completely accurately because once you zoom in far enough, everything is sorta... deeply entwined with its environment and current state and nearby things, and is always changing. It was very interesting, but it was a bit besides the point. The point being... meh, fuck it, I'll just transcribe. "...we don't make how-to videos so much as we make 'what happened' videos, and what almost always happens are mistakes and screw-ups. In fact, they're completely integral to making and, honestly, to being a person." What a beautiful message. What a comforting and reassuring reminder, from someone that worked at Skywalker fucking Ranch, that "to err is human". And gracefully experiencing those mistakes, and understanding them, is the process of us gathering XP and leveling up. The only real mistake... is never trying.

So you know what? Lets say I go to the restaurant and I'm super sleep deprived and I stumble over my words. Or I'm super emotionally intense because I rarely interact with people, and tend to interact with full genuine emotional expression. And the person I'm interacting with thinks I'm an idiot or weird or something. Well... that would make them judgmental. And I should not cater my plans (or my life) to the opinions of people who judge a book by its cover.

[theretirementstory]

Ooh, bonne journée, has it really been a week since I last “spoke” to you? Goodness these weeks are flying by, it will be a new month tomorrow and we are hurtling towards the time of year that we all look forward to; summer 😊.

I visited “le médecin” this week, had a few things to discuss, was pleased to receive the form to be registered with him. My visit to the pharmacy saw the “new lady” spot a prescription that had not been paid for 🙄, I paid and received the necessary feuille de soin to apply for a refund.

I think I read somewhere that it takes a while for some French people to “accept” you. Where I have been happy to give gifts to people who have helped me with things, I notice a hesitance towards friendship sometimes. Such is the case with Monica; she is an estate agent, I corresponded with her way back when I lived in the UK, she was very helpful when I first arrived here showing me properties, even coming and moving the big stone cover on the water pit and climbing inside to read the meter ( I didn’t even buy the house through her 😳) , the first Xmas I made gifts and took her a bag of edible goodies, she was appreciative but I did feel I had overstepped the “friendship” mark. Anyway, I saw her the other day and she asked if I walked to Fontaine (where she lives) she told me her house number and said if her car was there to ring the bell and we would take tea or coffee together. How nice is that?

Had the monthly chat with my friends in Bristol, I am now booked on a flight in June. I am going to stay 4 nights then head up north to see the family. As always I am happy but anxious, especially after last years fiasco when the first train was delayed which meant that subsequent trains were all obsolete and new trains had to be booked “en route”. However, that was last year, we can only be hopeful.

Has Anie returned from her “trip” ? I don’t want to intrude on a bank holiday weekend so will wait until Tuesday to message her.

I was happy to see broad beans, rocket and lettuce coming through in the potager and so I removed the grillage. The following morning some of the broad beans had been dug up and a cat had 💩 in the bed. I was so upset! I don’t grow these things to have oodles of produce, I do it for my own well-being, getting outside, talking to the plants, watching them grow and produce, really really helps me through the year. I poured a potful of black pepper all over said potager, recovered with the grillage but will have to see about weaving string across it in the hope it will deter it again. As if to repay me for doing that, after spending Thursday cutting grass and tidying up in the back garden the cat decided to leave me a mangled corpse of a bird and on Saturday morning a pile of 💩 on the grass 😭. My sister said it was a shame that I didn’t have a sprinkler system, my goodness no! 😱 water is too precious a commodity to use up spraying at a cat, which would probably be wearing a wet suit anyway 😂😂. It’s going to be the old “scoot” type stuff I think.

So after clearing up after the cat, I have seen peas and beetroot shoots appearing, that put a smile on my face. I found the peony, which I knew was round by the forsythia bush, it’s leaves were taking in the sun and I am hoping against hope that this year it will flower. The two I picked up in the gaspillage last year are really doing well, the one I bought, not so! Unfortunately the beautiful hibiscus from last year looks dead, no green life in it at all. I am quite sad as it was beautiful but it obviously didn’t withstand the winter weather.

Of course, I have been to the bar this week. I love going in and reading the newspaper, of course I could go into the médiathèque and do the same but I find the bar more relaxing. I even had a non alcoholic cocktail one day, it was a Sandy Island, very tropical and fruity I really enjoyed it.

I turned up for “Knitting with refugees” only to find that the girl I had messaged was now on holiday and she hadn’t passed the message on. No harm done! Restarting May 15th 🤞. It was the knitting group with the French ladies and a couple of people took the items to be displayed and offered for sale…… I am still stitching mine up 🙄, so need to get them finished for next time.

It’s a busy next couple of weeks, but more about that later. Until then let’s have a look at an excerpt from “Days” by Philip Larkin

“What are days for?

Days are where we live.

They come, they wake us

Time and time over.

They are to be happy in:

Where can we live but days?”

Now I am ready for a cup of coffee, so I will wish you all a “Bon week-end” enjoy the Bank holiday on Monday 😊.