#i do not need this specific map at all lmao

[threeofeight]

Lmaoooo listen I bought dungeon draft a while back and decided this week I would just try out some new Crosshead world map assets to see how they were and started up doing Exandria, for science.

It was supposed to be a test, something I didn't need to do at all just to see.

It's been over 30 hours and still going.

There is 0 text on this map for places at all. It's purely just imagery and has moved into photoshop for neatening up and I've started god damn doodling extras on it.

So yeah, I've not yet finished. At this point I don't want to stop lmao, I've put too much effort into it and Yet I have 0 use for it. None.

[samarecharm]

Rotation was so abhorrent im actually going to go to turf to cool down

[iraprince]

gonna show u guys a little opalescent highlight hack i threw together today

rainbow gradient above your main figure (i usually have all my main figure folders/layers in one big folder, so i can clip gradient maps + adjustments to it!). liquify tool to push the colors around a bit. STAY WITH ME I KNOW IT LOOKS STUPID RN I'M GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THIS

THEN: set it to add/glow (or the equivalent in ur drawing program), lower the opacity a bit, and apply a layer mask. then u can edit the mask with whatever tools you like to create rainbow highlights!!

in this case i'm mostly using the lasso fill tool to chip out little facets, but i've also done some soft airbrushing to bring in larger rainbow swirls in some areas. it's pretty subtle here, but you can see it better when i remove the gradient map that's above everything, since below i'm working in greyscale:

more granular rambling beneath the cut!

u could also just do this with a brush that has color jitter, but what i like about using layer masks for highlight/shading layers is how simple and reversible it makes everything. i can use whatever brushes i want, and erasing/redoing things is super low stakes, which is great when i often approach this stuff with a super trial-and-error approach.

example: have u ever thrown a gradient w multiple colors over an entire piece, set it to multiply etc, and then tried to erase it away to carve out shadows/highlights? it's super frustrating, bc it looks really good, but if u erase something and then change ur mind later, u basically would have to like. recreate the gradient in the area u want to cover up again. that's how i used to do things before figuring out layer masks!! but masking basically creates a version of this with INFINITE undo bc u can erase/re-place the base layer whenever u want.

anyway, back to rambling about this specific method:

i actually have TWO of these layers on this piece (one with the liquified swirls shown above, and another that's just a normal concentric circle gradient with much broader stripes) so i can vary the highlights easily as needed.

since i've basically hidden the rainbow pattern from myself, the colors in each brushstroke i make will kind of be a surprise, which isn't always great -- but easily fixable! for example, if i carve out a highlight and it turns out the rainbow pattern in that area is way too stripey, i can just switch from editing the mask to editing the main layer and blur that spot a bit.

also, this isn't a full explanation of the overall transparency effect in these screencaps! there's other layer stuff happening below the rainbow highlights, but the short version is i have all this character's body parts in different folders, each with their own lineart and background fill, and then the fill opacity is lowered and there's multiply layers clipped to that -- blah blah it's a whole thing. maybe i'll have a whole rundown on this on patreon later. uhhh i think that's it tho! i hope u get something useful out of this extremely specific thing i did lmao

[kekeke32]

TOUCHSTARVED trailer theme theory??

Hi guys, hi everyone. Hope we’re doing well!

SO the full version of the trailer theme is finally out on YouTube and holy shit??? It goes so HARD!!! Give it a listen here.

After rewatching it over and over again, I noticed something so I’ll map out which lyrics appear with which character for y’all to see:

Wish I could’ve added more ss but I’m on the mobile app 🥲 Anyways, I really don’t think the dev team added the characters photos randomly ‘cause check this out:

In Ais’s part, the lyrics are about a certain weakness (ik the lyrics “my weakness” refer to a person but I chose to ignore that jskdksk) and survival. This may be a reach BUT doesn’t this reminds you of Ais’s official character description? Specifically of this part: “Ais seems capable of curing you...but a sick sense of dread surrounds him. He's beginning to suspect that he may not be as in control of his powers as he thought. Can you save each other, or will he drag you down to the abyss with him?" This so-called “weakness” could be his very own powers and he’ll need the player to help him, to “survive”.

Now, about Vere’s part, I don’t have much to say tbh other than the fact that the lyrics “Cause everytime we touch” appear for the first time in his part and I guess you could say it’s related to his frequenting at the brothel? (iykwim 😏) Oh! And you could also see him being touched by a lot of different hands in the trailer. Besides that, his part ends with the lyrics “need you by my side” sung softly by the singer hmm…

Kuras’s part on the other hand, starts strongly (I suck balls at describing music so pls listen 4 urselves, you’ll know what I mean😭) and at 1:59 mins the lyrics are “Cause everytime we touch” then his face darkens a little and it stars an instrumental interlude. I don’t know what that really means but he’s sus

Mhin’s part is sung very softly as well and the lyrics “We’ve been through them all. You make me rise when I fall” are so sweet more so because I think in their route they’ll open up more to the player after going together through incomprehensible horrors and we’ll learn how to support each other <33

Finally, Leander’s part!! Now, LISTEN. His part is the reason why I even made this post in the first place lmao This mf is way too sus but first of all, the building synth progression at 2:58???? oh my god I got CHILLS. literal chills. *ahem* Moving on, his part, starts strongly the same as Kuras’s part did. Their parts are the only ones sung like that… Weird, huh? Anyway, after the lyrics “I can’t let you go. Want you in my life” at 3:49, the song gets SUPER intense and starts sounding very desperate ig?? (kudos to Dan! love his voice frfr) and Leander’s part ends with “Need you by my side”. Okayy y'all… Y'ALL. THIS IS CRAZY. In his part we have both the lyrics "I can't let you go. Want you in my life" AND "I want this to last. Need you by my side". AHHHH Leander you obsessed little bitch (affectionate)

In conclusion, there’s no fucking way the red spring team didn’t assign the certain parts of the lyrics very and I mean VERY purposefully to each LI. The parts suit them specifically well so I highly doubt it’s random but it could also just be me reading too much into this

Whatever!!! Good morning/Good night to this fandom only ^_^

[hello-there-cyarika]

Hive Troopers!

But what if the Kaminoans crossed Jango's DNA with some sort of Nabooian or Alderaanian honey bee? It probably helps them communicate on the battlefield, and obviously they get the benefits of not needing a jetpack! I've got a lot of thoughts about these boys, but I'll just give some of the basics for now:

The troopers can use communicate sort of like a hive mind! It's not as sophisticated as using communicators, but they can convey feelings and vague ideas

Their antennae are very sensitive! They can be used to sense touch, smell, taste, some vibrations, temperature, and more! I think that ARFs like Waxer and Boil would probably learn to use them with a lot more skill through their training, in the same way they'd learn to use more complex or advanced HUD modes.

I think that troopers' stingers would be closer to the stingers that wasps have: retractable, and doesn't cause them to die after one sting by getting ripped off.

Troopers' wings are also probably way more durable, I can't imagine the Kaminoans sending them into battle with anything fragile like that, so they probably modified the DNA. I think the wings are pretty flexible instead of being breakable.

I'll go into this more another time, if anyone is interested, but I think that the distribution of internal organs would be significantly different with the addition of the secondary abdomen.

The boys are FLUFFY!!!

I think that the fluff would be kinda waterproof (I mean,,,, they grew up on Kamino and all) but on the other hand I think it'd make fire waaaay more dangerous. I think that blaster bolts could also cause the fluff to catch fire....

Can they make honey? yeah dude they're beeeeeees

They probably made space-mead out of it lmao

I have a lot of feelings about the way cadets are grown in little tubes land sleep in tubes on the walls like bees use honeycomb for their larvae and its all in large curved structures and how the whole thing seems just a touch like a hive......

They can DEFINITELY dance maps like bees can!!!! The ARCs and ARFs are the best at it.

They don't have compound eyes, but they do have hexagonal pupils!

I'm gonna doodle more of this whenever I have time, so let me know if you want to see anything specific, or have any fun ideas from this? I'd love to talk about them!!! <3

I also want to say that I have been VERY heavily inspired by @mothask! Please go have a look at their amazing fluffy moth boys!

@yukipri's winged au is also a huge inspiration for this! Y'all have GOT to go check out "Take Flight, Brothers All" on ao3 it's SO GOOD!!

And finally, a lot of the ideas I've developed about the bees' ARF training have come from the Reconstruction Corps AU (specifically Open Skies), created by the amazing @cacodaemonia!! I've got a lot of plans for Wax and Bo as ARF bees that I'm so excited to get started on!

So much love and appreciation to all of my inspirations!!!!! <333333

I have no idea if anyone's made anything like this before lol, but if anyone has I'd love to know!!

<3 I do not give my consent or my permission for my art to be re-posted or reuploaded on this or any other website <3

[vigilskeep]

wait harker what is your beef with halsin? /gen

so on my first attempt at starting the game, i played a tiefling druid, which was quite an experience as i had no idea the first conflict i was about to walk into was between tieflings and druids. i found talking to kagha very upsetting for my character; it was obvious this was a place my character would normally feel at home, were it not for the bigotry that had taken root. the first thing kagha said to my character, after she was finished hurling fantasy slurs at and threatening a tiefling child who was crying apologies and begging to go back to her parents, was to dismiss my character as a druid on account of their race: “the treefather’s words spoken with a devil’s forked tongue”. if you read what’s on the table next to kagha, there’s a diatribe against tieflings, saying their allegiance is to the hells and implying they should all be sent back there. i also played a failed save where kagha was responsible for the little tiefling girl’s death and her only immediate reaction was to cover it up, and also where i foolishly attacked her and she commanded a full attack against the tieflings where i came back into the hollow to see dozens slaughtered and the rest desperately trying to defend themselves. so i was fully aware that kagha posed an existential threat to this entire group of innocent refugees with whom i shared common ground

(i swear all this context is necessary)

after all this, obviously i was glad to discover there was a quest to investigate kagha. i felt my character’s faith in their druid beliefs was pretty shaken, and they would be hugely pleased to displace kagha, search out the rightful leader of the grove, and see justice done and balance restored. i put some quite considerable effort into investigating kagha, stealing from her chest (and boy is stealth not my strong suit) and trekking all the way down the map to the bog to discover the truth. i was pleased to learn she was some kind of evil druid. she was an anomaly. all i needed was to get rid of her, and everything would be fine again. but i made a crucial mistake: i decided to rescue halsin first, thinking everything would be much easier if i had the true, good leader of the grove at my side before i started making accusations. after all, my character still wanted to believe in the druids, and had not felt like she would be trusted in the grove herself. it was a natural choice.

and halsin... just demoted kagha to novice?

like. that’s it. he didn’t even make her leave the grove that had been willing to support her in all this. kagha was willing to kill a tiefling child. she was willing to kill all the tieflings. if you show up before you go to rescue halsin, she’s willing to attack her own people. you can even tell halsin she was involved with these evil shadow druids, and he has almost nothing to say about it. and right after that, he had the nerve to say to my druid character that in another time they would have been a welcome addition to the grove, as if it wasn’t very clear how unwelcome people like them were, as if they would be willing to be the one exception. kagha wasn’t the only one who’d gone along with it or spat the word devil. then halsin wants to join me and leave the grove to deal with his own guilt, while bringing in some stranger to resolve the grove’s problems and restore its “purity”, as if any druids seem trustworthy neutral parties right now, and as if kagha and her influence wouldn’t still be right there, just as unchecked in his absence. and he got mad at me for the extremely minor questioning of that which the game let me do!

i absolutely do not expect anyone to share these opinions as they originate from an extremely specific experience of the game lmao. in fact, different players being able to have very different opinions based on how you experienced the game is one of my favourite parts of bg3 so far. but personally i don’t seem to be able to shake this opinion despite now playing as a different character—this current one having found out that he personally taught kagha??—and i... don’t think i’m being that irrational. i don’t like him and if i get an opportunity to drop him from my camp i will take it

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Hi! I have a request, if you’d like to write something like it, no pressure! xD

Can I get a Jack Delroy x female reader where he kind of “saves” reader who is abused by her narcissistic mother, and they bond over their shared love of Halloween/spooky things/horror movies? Maybe with some smut?

I’m in love with him and your blog is a gift 😭

I Found Love Where It Wasn't Supposed To Be - Jack Delroy/Reader

Warnings: This one gets heavy. No use of Y/N, female reader, the reader lives a very lonely and miserable life, parental abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, reader saves herself, fingering, soft smut, multiple orgasms, happy ending.

Wordcount: 15294

Summary: You lived for her, and it was all you knew. So when you suddenly start living for him as well as yourself, she can't let you have that.

Notes: This is what happens when requests get specific lmao okay so, leading up to this one I had no idea where to go with it, but as soon as I started I just could not stop. This is my longest request so far, almost tripling my other longest, so I really hope you like how this turned out, because I really locked in this time 😊💗 I also hope you don't mind all the Leo cause I love that guy lol he's always gotta be on my readers' side no matter the fic.

All your life you’d felt like you’d been running from something, and it consumed you again when your mother came into your room to tell you to start packing, you were moving to New York within the month.

You had no choice but to do it, your few possessions all neatly placed in your single suitcase once more before fitting into the moving van, a sad addition to everything your mother owned. You were an adult, capable of living on your own and getting yourself a home to call your own, no more moving, but you knew if you were to bring it up you’d just get shot down again with no chance to try again until the next move. That was just how it’d always been, your future sealed ever since you were a child and your father had walked out, unable to deal with the woman sitting beside you any longer.

She clung to you like a lifeline, draining you of everything you were in order to keep your permanent attention, but still needing more as you grew and drifted away from her. All your life she’d been moving you around as she searched for something that would never be enough, no amount of lovers able to replace that emptiness inside of her just like you couldn’t as her only child, each new city bringing her a hope that you knew could only be more misplacement as you packed up and shipped out. That’s what was happening again as she headed East, just another mark on your map as you stared out the window and took nothing in.

You would be entering your 40s in just a few years, your entire life wasted on your mother in her quest to find what she wanted that would finally set you free, but the older you got the more you accepted that she never would, and you would never be able to leave. You’d tried once, back when you were young and more rebellious, hooked on young love and ready to run away and leave it all behind, but the moment she stood between you and the door, your suitcase in hand and a bunch of miscellaneous bills in your pocket, you knew that you’d never be able to go through with it.

You’d had your one chance, and your partner had left you behind, tired of waiting for you to grow up and live your own life.

20 years had passed since then, time leaving you a shell of a person as you just stared out the car window, the moving van in your sideview mirror as it trailed dutifully behind as it always did every few years when she’d get the urge to get up and go yet again. New York was yet another miracle town where she’d surely find what she wanted this time, a mental list of all the others scrolling in your mind as you counted them down, her desire to find love changing to desiring the stardom that so many others were getting with each new city. The latest spur of spontaneity had been brought on by one Jack Delroy, a radio man who’d gotten his own break into television not too long ago, the first half of his first season a sleeper hit as his fans transitioned from audio to video and brought a wave of others with him.

She was convinced she could do the same despite having no particular talents on her own, and that was you being kind in that regard.

When you finally reached your new temporary lodgings, as you liked to call them, because she never let you settle in long enough to call any place a home, you saw with no surprise that it was even smaller than the last. Money was getting thin again, you’d need to find a job even faster than last time, more of your remaining things probably already in her mind to be sold to pay the bills. The more you moved the less she worked it seemed, her goals raising higher and higher and forbidding her from taking anything less than what she wanted, so she relied on you to do the hard jobs, ones that kept you out until the late hours bussing tables or bagging groceries. It was hard work but it kept you away from her, so you didn’t mind as much as you already scanned the newspaper snatched from the lobby to search for any available jobs.

Your room was basically a closet this time in order for her to get the bedroom, just enough room for a bed and dresser, and you just stared at the available space before deciding that a single bed would be more beneficial to you after all, your double bed having supported you for many years and through more moves. You planned on just sleeping on the couch until you could find a cheap place to buy a new one, your resignation well practiced as her queen sized bed was carried to her room, her windows overlooking the city while your single one was blocked by the fire escape crossing it.

‘It looks almost like prison bars,’ you mumbled to yourself as you put away your few drawers of clothes, but there was no sadness in your voice, not for that kind of thing anymore.

One week and 13 applications later, you got yourself a job and a new mattress, it lying on the floor until you could save up for a new frame to go with it. It was another retail job, but with it you were able to switch out some older clothes for newer, thriftier things, so you saw that as a win. Your mother continued to apply for jobs out of her league, so while you tagged new items and folded the clothes you would search the paper beside you for more hirings, jobs with higher pay and late hours so you could fill out your day as much as possible.

It was through this method that you saw that UBC Studios was looking for interns and entry-level employees, people without much experience who wanted to get into television and were okay with being coffee runners and memo takers, and you circled that ad with your marker before getting back to the freshly washed batch of shirts you were currently pricing.

As soon as you were off work you walked the 47 minutes to the studio, cabs were a luxury you couldn’t afford with bills looming over your head, but you still kept yourself looking presentable as you approached the front desk and placed the paper in front of the receptionist. She smiled widely when she saw it, apparently not too many people wanted the job so they were behind on applicants, which was great news for you as you were led down a series of hallways until you reached the correct door. A man sat at his desk behind it, a cigarette filling the room with smoke and nearly obscuring him as he shuffled through a mountain of paperwork, even more files, and three different phones. 

‘Mr. Fiske? I’ve brought someone interested in the job,’ the receptionist told him, and he didn’t even glance up as one of the phones rang, to which he quickly hung it up the moment he saw which button was blinking.

‘What job?’ he asked around his cigarette, the phone ringing again and making him groan before he unplugged the phone entirely and went back to the open folder in front of him.

‘The intern? For Night Owls?’

‘Oh, I’m sorry, I actually need to be paid, are any of those jobs still available?’ you cut in, Mr. Fiske glancing up over his sunglasses at you at the sound of your voice, like he hadn’t even realized you were already there. 

‘What's your name?’ he asked then, and when you told him he snuffed out his cigarette and motioned for the receptionist to go back to her desk. ‘We have one paying job still open for Night Owls, but I gotta tell ya kid, it'll be long, late hours and that pay ain't that good; you're young and pretty, you wouldn't want that eating into your beauty sleep, or prime party hours, would you?’

‘If not here I'll just be working somewhere else, I don't have much of a social life,’ you admitted only because you really needed the job and it was hard enough finding places that were open late and actively hiring.

‘Shame, the city's missing out,’ he mused as he searched for a file and pulled it free, sending the rest of them toppling to the floor without so much as a blink. ‘Here, fill this out and I'll take you up, the place is empty right now but I can walk you around, give you a schedule if you can be here for 11PM tomorrow night to start?’ You nodded, stunned that already you'd been hired as you took the stapled stack of papers from him right as another phone rang, and this time he picked it up. ‘Take a hint already, I'm working,’ he snapped into the receiver before slamming it down again, and while that might have scared anyone else off you were ready to deal with whatever instability he could throw at you if it not only got you more money but also out of the Lodgings for a few more hours a day. 

You finished filling out the application while he continued to go through his overwhelming amount of paperwork, a new cigarette already in his mouth and a glass of whiskey poured the next time you looked up at him. You cleared your throat to get his attention as delicately as possible, another glance over his sunglasses shot your way behind he was standing and taking the papers from you. He glanced over them just to be sure everything was in order, the file then tossed onto the only free corner of his desk before he was herding you towards the door.

‘Alright, your job'll be simple enough, just get here on time, fill whatever stupid request Jack wants to keep him as stress-free as possible, and be ready to do whatever inane bullshit I need in the meantime, you think you can do that?’ he asked as you walked, and again you could only nod as you pushed through a single set in a wall of double doors, a vibrant set coming into view before you. It was decorated in yellows, oranges, and browns, a wavy pattern painted onto the wall panels at the back, and you thought it was cozy and charming as you looked around. ‘You'll just be back here for the most part, it'll be stocked with everything you might need to grab so you won't have to learn the whole building, but sometimes I might need you to grab Jack's drycleaning, he's horrible with remembering that shit, can you drive?’

‘I can but- it's in the shop right now, so I mostly walk,’ you lied, not wanting to tell your new boss right out the gate that the reason you were walking was actually because your mother hoarded the car in case she needed it to answer any of her auditions.

‘You can use mine, I'll bring the Caddy from home and you can start driving the Brougham, you wreck it you're buying it though so keep that in mind,’ he told you before tossing the keys over his shoulder, your eyes widening at the thought of having an escape vehicle; you didn't have to sneak out the keys when your mother wasn't looking like this, a ride to freedom now in your hands as Mr. Fiske kept talking about the job, but you didn't hear a single word as your knees started shaking.

You'd wanted to run so many times when you were younger but that final failure had crushed any future attempts before you could even dream of them, your heart racing just like when you were a teenager as you gripped the keys and resisted the urge to run right then and there. She'd never have to know you'd left, it was a big city and people disappeared in it every single day, and by the time he caught on that you'd stolen his car and hit the road you'd be so far away that you could ditch it and start a new life on foot. A long-quelled hope filled you, one you thought would never return again, and when Mr. Fiske turned back to you to confirm that you were okay with every part of the job you planned on nodding your head, shaking his hand, and then never seeing your mother again.

‘Forgot my jacket, I'm doing an interview in 20 and you couldn't once pick up?’ A voice came from the side door, your hand stopping mid-reach for that handshake as you turned to see a dashingly handsome man with a scowl on his face approach you.

‘Told you I was working, here, I hired you an assistant so she would've been able to drop it off when I was done, now you don't gotta bust my ass over this nonsense anymore,’ Mr. Fiske told him as the man located and picked up his jacket from a nearby chair. He looked you over, his face softening when he noticed his arguing partner wasn't alone, and he took your outstretched hand and turned your goodbye into a greeting instead. Mr. Fiske told him your name when you couldn't speak, the man giving you the warmest smile you'd ever received in years before letting you go.

‘Jack Delroy, charmed to meet you,’ he said kindly, and in an instant your plan to leave disappeared again, not because you had to stay with your mother, but because you wanted to stay near him. ‘I suppose this can be your first task, you're technically off the clock but I'll pay you for the time if you'd accompany me to my interview downtown, I'm still getting used to all this and my thoughts are a little scattered,’ he admitted with a grin, your answer a quick yes as he led you outside and to his car, the Chrysler you were just gifted now forgotten in the lot as you stuffed the key into your pocket.

The interview was a success, the two of you going out to dinner afterwards to get to know each other better, and you understood why so many of his fans had followed his work as he relaxed you and made you laugh in what felt like forever. He wasn't just putting on an act as he talked with you, his genuine self on display for you even though no cameras were rolling, and by the time midnight rolled around and he had to sleep for the night you felt such a connection to him that you were almost sad to see him go.

‘Better sleep up tonight, we go live tomorrow night,’ he reminded you as you headed for the parking lot, but just as he was about to unlock the passenger door so he could drive you home you stopped him.

‘I don't live far, I can walk,’ you lied again, really not wanting to risk your mother seeing you get out of the car of a celebrity when she was trying so hard to be him. 

‘You sure?’ he asked just to be certain, but you didn't budge as you forced a smile and took a step back to seal the deal. ‘Alright, I'll see you tomorrow at 11, then,’ he said before waving goodnight and getting into his car, your arms coming up to hug yourself as you watched him drive away. You waited until you could no longer see him in the crowd of cars before shoving your hands in your pockets to keep them warm, Mr. Fiske's - Leo, as Jack had called him over dinner - keys hitting your fingers and reminding you that happiness was still there in that parking lot. You swallowed it down and started on the walk back home, only getting lost a few times as you navigated the streets for the first time. It took a while but you were getting a better grasp of the place with each new location you traversed, which streets were familiar and which led to Broadway, and how you'd be able to get from your first job to the studio without wasting too much time.

You updated your mental map as you climbed the stairs to get home, no dinner waiting for you since your mother had already eaten hours ago and it was on you to feed yourself as an adult, but thanks to Jack you weren't hungry for once, the apartment dark as you headed right for bed and dreamt about brown eyes and kind smiles.

For once you were finding yourself to be happier as you went between jobs, the retail surprisingly easy despite the influx of customers so you never got a second to think about your mother, and then when you were done you napped in the back of your car until it was time to help Jack. You were never in front of the camera, which was good because that meant you were safe from your mother's gaze as she surely stayed up to watch the success that she craved, but sometimes you almost wanted to go out there to stand with him, take place in something that wasn't just working to live and then living for your mother while she drained every last emotion from you in her journey for attention. 

You didn't indulge, just watching the monitors safely from the back as you munched on crew snacks, your job much easier than Leo had made it seem; Jack was so easy to work with he rarely asked you for a thing, and only once did you end up needing to leave as Leo grabbed your shoulder. He nodded towards the door, silently wanting you to follow, and you set down your little paper plate before getting up and letting him lead the way. He didn't stop until you reached the hallway, no threat of his voice carrying as he leaned in close and lowered his voice.

‘Alright, listen, it's Jack's birthday tonight, and he thinks I forgot cause he's gullible but I need you to run out and grab everything on this list before he's done so we can all celebrate at my place, you think you can do that in the next 45?’ he asked in a hushed whisper, absolutely no one around to hear and spoil the surprise as you looked at your watch and steeled yourself.

‘I can, I've done more in less time,’ you promised, and he gave you a pat before handing over a bunch of cash.

‘Good, leave it in the car and we'll keep it a surprise til we get to mine; I really need you to ham it on tonight, make it seem like this is all your idea until we get there cause otherwise he won't believe it for a second,’ he informed you, and while your acting was rough you still knew you didn't have to feign excitement when it came to him. He let you go then, the two of you separating as you hurried for your car, your heart racing at the thought of finally being able to drive it just for him. 

You made quick work of the list thanks to Leo telling you exactly which store held everything, his soft spot for Jack that he constantly denied having coming in handy as you perused the aisles with great speed and checked everything off one by one. You felt almost giddy for the first time in years as you checked out the cards, this one not on the list, but you wanted to give him something personal as you glanced over them until one caught your eye; it was a child's card, so the age on it was wrong of course, but as you picked it up and looked inside you couldn’t contain your giggle at how perfect it was. 

You added it to the cart and headed for the register, your watch telling you that you were making great time, but just as you got in line to check out you heard something that made your blood run cold: ‘Aren't you supposed to be at work?’ It was your mother, who was supposed to be at home watching Night Owls, her own small cart filled with things as she got in line behind you. ‘What are you doing buying alcohol? Since when do you drink?’

‘I, uh…’ you stuttered as everything was rung up, her eyebrow raising when she saw the card be scanned. ‘It's my boss’ birthday, so I was sent out to get a bunch of stuff for the party, I was going to call and say I'd be home late,’ you explained without going into too much detail, the cashier totaling it up and telling you what you owed. You pulled out Leo's money without a thought, your mother’s eyes widening when she saw it.

‘Where did you get all of that? I've been starving myself so you can afford to pay the bills,’ she gasped angrily, the cashier not saying a word as she removed herself from the conversation and started bagging everything the second your change met your hand. 

‘I got it from Le- Nora, my manager Lenora, so that she'd be sure I had enough,’ you lied for the first time in your life, your mother staring you down with a frown.

‘Well you can use some of that on me, she doesn't have to know,’ was all she said before she left to grab more, and you just sighed without arguing and started to place everything on the register for her in her absence. You didn't want to use Leo's money on her, no matter how much change you had considering he'd given you a blind but large lump sum to cover it all, so you pulled out your own wallet and had it charged to your card when she was done, your watch beeping sadly to tell you that it was 1AM, you were now late. You tried to leave before her so you could speed back, but the moment you reached the door you realized that she'd see you get into your car, something she was bound to take to make herself look more impressive, so you forced yourself to stay behind and wait for her, helping her load her bags into her own car before pretending to hail a cab.

She didn't even say goodbye as she pulled out of the lot, the ice cream starting to melt and making the bag moist, your arms thankfully saving it before it could tear and spill everything onto the pavement. You didn't get back until everyone was leaving, the party still happening but without you there to convince Jack to go out he was focusing solely on your backup, his co-host Gus soaking up all the glory as everyone praised him for his good idea. You didn't meet Leo's eye as he headed for you, your hand already held out with the change as you prepared to take whatever anger he was about to dish out at you, but he didn't yell, just checked your backseat to make sure everything was there.

‘You really cut it close, just follow the convoy, and don't drink too much, I bet you $100 he's going to drink too much and need a ride home,’ he whispered before heading for his own car, the money ignored as you put it back in your pocket and got ready to follow again.

‘There you are, are you coming with us?’ Jack surprised you right as you opened the door, your body jumping back into his raised hands as you let out a yelp and dropped the keys. ‘Sorry about that, I didn't know my footsteps were so quiet,’ he joked as he picked them up for you like a gentleman.

‘It's my fault, I'm a bit distracted tonight,’ you said without meaning to, everything shoved back into a neat little box once more as you forced a smile. 

‘Does that mean you won't go?’ He sounded almost disappointed, but that wasn't right, no one was ever disappointed when you couldn't join them, your lips parting slightly before you shook your head.

‘No, I'm going,’ you confirmed to him, his resulting smile so big that it could almost break your heart. He handed your keys back with a, ‘Good, I'm glad,’ before going to his car, the crowd thinning as car after car started up and created a parade. You were quick to hop in and follow before you were the last one there, your cheeks red the entire time to Leo's, who, you discovered, lived not only in his penthouse downtown but also had a large house all to himself as well. You learned that he used it for these private affairs and whenever he needed to get away, the address unlisted and why he was so relieved you'd made it back in time. 

Everyone was parked all the way down the street, and the only reason you got a space in the driveway itself was because Leo himself stood in the way and got them to keep right on driving until you arrived. He helped you carry everything inside via the back, Jack already inside and getting many handshakes and pats on the back as congratulations, so he was none the wiser as you both set out the spread in the kitchen. The cake was pre-ordered and already waiting, and you were glad the ice cream wasn't too melted as you placed it, along with countless other treats and a few different brands of alcohol, on the island around it before Leo called everyone in. 

The lights dimmed as the candles were lit, Jack too humble to accept it all as everyone got ready to sing, and you held your card tightly as he blew out the candles and filled the room with darkness and smoke and loud applause. When the lights came back on he and Leo were hugging, the latter once again denying his soft spot for him as he ordered for the cake to be cut before another year came and went.

You snuck out to find a pen before you could partake in the treats, a card already going around when Jack wasn't looking, and when you signed it you made sure to adjust your own before passing it on. You were just about to hand it over when he was snatched away, everyone wanting to talk to him tonight, and you let yourself fall into old habits as you grabbed some cake and melted ice cream and found a seat to yourself. Despite not getting to talk to him, it ended up being a fun night, everyone's hidden presents all grabbed from their cars and stacked in his lap as Leo took a picture, nothing from you in the pile as he unwrapped everything. 

When he saw that Leo had somehow managed to find his favourite film for his U-Matic, everyone gathered around in his spacious living room to watch, and you quickly found out that he was also a fan of horror as you recognized the opening credits. He was a fan, and he claimed to love it, but still he cowered in shock and awe and absolute joy along with everyone around him while you secretly hogged the popcorn to yourself.

The party went on late into the night, Leo not letting you leave until Jack was ready to either crash there or catch a ride with you seeing as he did in fact drink a lot, and it was only when you got your producer alone in the kitchen did you try again to give him his change. He just looked at it before going back to his whiskey with a shake of his head, your head cocking to the side in confusion. ‘I only bet you because I knew I'd win, I don't actually want your money,’ he muttered as he took a sip, and you dropped the cash onto the counter and slid it towards him.

‘That's all your change from the list,’ you finally explained, and he took another sip before pushing it back to you.

‘Keep it, gas isn't free,’ he insisted before walking away in order to stop you from declining, and you felt your throat tighten as you stared down at the remaining couple hundred plus a few random bills and coins; it was more than you'd made in your last paycheck at your first job, and it would make up for what you'd had to dish out on your mother without worry, and you quickly wiped away a tear before putting it all back into your pocket with a silent thank you.

Now that that was settled you could go back to watching over Jack, the man no longer in the living room to your horror as you started to look for him. If he'd gone off to bed then that was all fine and dandy, you could go home and rest for a few hours until you had to work again, but if he'd driven off drunk then you'd never be able to forgive yourself if something happened to him; you checked the driveway and found his car still there, your hunt taking you through every single room in Leo's house as your panic grew and thoughts of what happened to him plagued your mind. 

You thought you'd be used to this kind of feeling, after all, your mother put you through this kind of thing often, but this fear felt new as you threw open the master bedroom’s balcony doors and stepped out to breathe. You were used to the panic of losing her while she sought attention in all the wrong places, but that came with the twisted hope that maybe this time it'd be the last and you could go free; no, you were worried about him as you gulped down the cold, night air, your care for him more than it'd been for anyone you'd ever known. You tried not to cry as you asked the night where he'd gone only to hear a soft splash, your eyes following the yard lights to where a figure was sitting at the edge of the large pool down below.

It was Jack, his suit jacket slung over his shoulder and a glass still in his hand, the ice clinking together as he swirled the remaining contents and tossed them back in one big gulp. You laughed in pure relief before heading downstairs as fast as you could, the way out of this maze nearly getting you before you reached the patio doors in the kitchen and stepped back outside. You approached cautiously, you didn't know if he was out there because of a sudden drop in mood after all, but when he heard your steps on the stone he looked up and smiled just like he always did.

‘Been looking for you,’ he surprised you by saying, and he motioned for you to sit next to him before gazing back out onto the lit up water. ‘I thought you might've left so I came out here to catch my breath before bed, Leo would kill me if I drove home like this.’

‘I was looking for you too, he told me to drive you home if you got too drunk,’ you admitted quietly, afraid of letting Leo overhear you ratting him out even though it was just the two of you out there, but Jack just laughed and kicked his feet through the water again, the source of the small splash you'd heard from above.

‘I've been taking care of myself long before I met him, you can tell him that I don't need a babysitter,’ he laughed, but then his voice dropped to something calmer as his eyes met yours, ‘although, I can't say I haven't been enjoying your company because of it.’

You swallowed, your heart pounding before you told yourself that he was just friendly, like this with everyone, no one ever waited for you once you chose your mother over them.

‘I bet you say that to all the girls who work for you,’ you joked if only to get him to admit that you weren't special, just a tool for your mother to use to get her affirmations that she was still good enough, but when he spoke next the world went quiet around you as even she disappeared from your mind.

‘Just the pretty ones, and you're the prettiest damn thing that's ever worked with me,’ he whispered softly, and when you turned to look at him you saw that his eyes were only on you.

‘Jack, you're drunk,’ you insisted more to yourself than to him, and when he leaned in close you found yourself frozen to the spot.

‘Maybe you should take me home, then?’

Your breath hitched as he placed his hand over yours, clearly too drunk to keep everything in, but you believed him as you nodded and helped him stand. He left his glass beside the pool where his shoes had been waiting, the two of you sneaking around the house to get to the driveway, his body occasionally bumping into yours as you led him to his car. His keys were pressed into your hand the moment you both sat down on the worn leather, his card digging into your side from your coat pocket, calling to you to give it to him while you ignored it, this wasn't the time. You turned on the heat so he could stay warm before taking off down the empty street, his mumbled directions of where to go leading you in a circle as he fought to recognize the houses surrounding you.

Eventually he got it, his house surprisingly small and cozy and not at all what you’d imagined as you parked once more. He was starting to sleep on the way there, hence the trouble with directions, but now that you were opening the door and helping him stand he was waking up again, his cheeks flushing as he watched you unlock his front door. You couldn’t stay, you needed to get some sleep before your morning shift, but he didn’t let go of you even as he kicked off his shoes and dropped his jacket to the ground.

‘Walk me up?’ he asked almost shyly, the lively host you’d gotten to know stripped away to leave only Jack behind, and you couldn’t leave him as you helped him get to his bedroom. The place was completely empty, devoid of any roommates or partners as he crawled onto his bed, and the moment you went to say goodnight so you wouldn’t ask about it you found his hands on your arm. 

His touch was light, he wasn't holding you to keep you prisoner, and when he fell onto his side you joined him without a fight. His bed was big and soft, heat emanating off of him in a way you’d never known before, not even when you’d attempted to date when you had the small freedom of highschool to see other people, and when he touched your face in the dark you closed your eyes and tried to savour it because this couldn’t last, not while she was out there. 

‘Stay with me?’ he asked next, and you couldn’t stop yourself from grabbing onto his hand and choking back a sob.

‘No one wants me to stay,’ you whispered miserably, unable to hold your own truth in since he wouldn’t remember this in the morning, needing to say it just this once.

‘I do.’ 

You blinked and felt the tear run down your cheek, his other hand coming up to wipe it away before he was leaning in, giving you the freedom to turn away, get up and leave, but you couldn’t as you met him in the middle, your first kiss in 20 years only making you hold him tighter as he wrapped his arms around you.

You didn’t wake up the next morning to your alarm clock, but rather to the sound of birds outside your window, everything about that feeling wrong as you tried to roll over and found yourself trapped. You woke up a little more, not recognizing your surroundings as the heat around your stomach turned into arms, and when you looked down and saw Jack still holding you you felt such an ache run through you like you’d never known. You tried to lift his arm off of you without waking him, already looking around to see that your coat was on the floor while your dress was currently hanging off his nightstand from when you’d tossed it over your shoulder the night before, the sight bittersweet as he groaned in his sleep and held on tight.

‘Jack, please, I’ll be late for work,’ you moaned as you tried again, and he cracked an eye open and didn’t look like he regretted this but actually wanted you to stay.

‘Call in, you know the number, right?’ he mumbled into his pillow, trying again to keep you there, and you swallowed and adjusted your bra strap, still remembering the way he’d kissed your shoulder as he’d attempted to take it off, his fingers too clumsy and your heart too greedy to do anything other than climb on top of him and kiss him. 

‘I can’t afford to.’ You’d never talked about your financial status before, too embarrassed and not wanting to weigh him down by your problems, and both eyes opened this time as he shifted close enough to press a kiss to your arm.

‘Then quit, work for Leo full-time, he’s gotta have something good enough to replace whatever you’re doing now, and I know his hours will be more lenient so-’ He paused, rubbing circles into your stomach as his other hand held on tight. ‘So you can stay with me.’

You laid back down, lip already quivering, and when he saw it his touch he was just as gentle as the night before. ‘You can’t mean that, you don’t know what my life has been like,’ you insisted, no more pretending that you were okay now that you were in his arms.

‘Then tell me,’ he almost begged, but when you refused with a shake of your head he didn’t press further. ‘I still want you to stay, regardless of what you’re not ready to tell me.’

It was the next morning, he was sober, he meant this.

‘I’ll stay,’ you finally gave in as you let the sun rise without going home, your first morning away from her as he pulled you to his chest and didn’t let you go until you’d both fallen asleep again.

You weren’t used to sleeping in, the feeling more comfortable than you remembered when you woke up again in the afternoon, Jack still snoring away without a care in the world. You were able to successfully sneak away that time, but not to find your way home or to work, but to make him breakfast, wanting to do this rather than having to for the first time in your life. You cooked quietly so he could sleep, you didn’t get to bed until close to 5AM once you’d kissed him back, and he didn’t join you until the food was almost ready.

‘Smells delicious, I don’t think I’ve had anyone do this for me before,’ he told you before kissing your shoulder, once again sliding your bra strap down as he pressed himself up against your back. It was strange to feel this wanted, but he made it easy as he located the plates for you and helped set the table. You talked while you ate, your breakfasts usually so quick and quiet before you had to run, but now you never wanted to leave as you watched him try to get through his hangover. He swore that more kisses helped, and you couldn’t disagree with that medical diagnosis between bites of eggs and drinks of coffee.

‘Oh! I have something for you!’ you suddenly remembered when he’d gotten his fill, your bare feet slapping against the hardwood and carpet as you raced back upstairs to find your jacket; when you returned his card was behind your back again, Jack looking interested until you presented it to him. It’d gotten a bit bent over the night, and leaving it trapped under your coat all morning hadn’t helped, but he looked like he loved this gift the most as he stared at the large cartoon owl on the front.

‘Look hoo-s birthday it is,’ he read aloud, your hands wringing as he opened it up and chuckled, ‘hope the party is a real hoot just like you, happy 42nd, with love.’

‘It was the only card with an owl,’ you were quick to explain, and he placed it on display on his mantle in his living room before returning to you.

‘It’s the best card I’ve ever received,’ he insisted as he kissed the top of your head, his arms around you in a long hug, your food going cold as you refused to let go of each other before he could kiss you again.

He drove you to work wearing your dress from last night after that, his clothes not quite fitting you enough to go out in public with them, and after you apologized for the sudden quitting and walked out with your final pay you met him right back in his chair so he could drop you off at home. It was past noon, there was a good chance your mother was out asking around every place of show business in town by now, so you risked being dropped off at least out of sight from any windows. He gave you a quick kiss goodbye, a silent promise that this wasn't going to end now that you were going home, and you gave him a genuine smile as you hopped out of the car and let him drive away so he could talk to Leo about your new potential job.

Your smile lasted all the way to your apartment, your cheeks flushing again as you remembered how it felt to be held and desired and loved until the door opened and you saw your mother standing there, waiting for you.

‘Where have you been? You never came home or even called last night, you show up in the middle of the day wearing the same outfit, you stink of booze and cheap cologne, did you lie to me last night?’ she demanded all at once, and usually you’d be groveling just to get her to leave you alone for a little while longer, say anything that would make her focus back on herself, but you still felt his arms around you, heard him whisper that he wanted you to stay in your ear, and your back straightened as you pushed your hair behind your ear and stood your ground.

‘I told you I’d be out late, I had to drive a co-worker home and ended up crashing on his couch, it’s no big deal, I’m home now,’ you scoffed, your tone not appreciated in the least as she then walked over to inspect you.

She circled you only once, her eyes narrowed as she checked you out for any trace of a lie, and when she stopped in front of you her eyes were cold, unloving. ‘You’re not seeing anyone behind my back again, are you? I thought we talked about this, after that boy tried to convince you to run away from home when you were just a teenager we’d agreed that you wouldn’t see anyone again.’ You remembered it well, the promise only kept because the heartbreak had held you back at the time, while her constant search for enough attention to finally satiate her kept you from ever being able to see anyone else ever again.

Until now.

‘I’m not,’ you lied right to her face, and when she didn’t back down you just sighed and went to take a shower and change. She grabbed your arm, refusing to let you go until you told her the truth, but you wouldn’t let her into your new life, not when you knew what she’d do to everything she could get her hands on if you did. ‘I’m not, and please take your hand off of me.’

She let you go, storming off towards her bedroom now that you were back, and when you’d grabbed some clean clothes and headed for the bathroom she cut you off only once more. ‘I heard that Jack Delroy’s birthday is today, they announced it at the end of the show when I got back from the store, what a coincidence that your boss’ was on the day before,’ she wondered aloud, your face not giving anything away as you held your clothes a little closer to your chest.

‘It was a lot of people’s birthdays yesterday, same with today, none of them have anything to do with me,’ was all you said before walking into the room and shutting the door, and when you undressed in front of the mirror you noticed that Jack had left a hickey on the space where your neck met your shoulder.

Even though you’d both attempted to keep it a secret, word got around very fast that you and Jack were now dating by the time the week was out. Leo had come through for you, now paying you - albeit under the table for now, just to keep your bills paid - to be his personal assistant instead, since Jack was now insisting that he didn’t want to be the boss of his girlfriend. You blushed every single time you heard the title, congratulations coming your way when he officially announced it to the crew that Monday, since everyone was already talking about it and he didn’t want your relationship to just be a rumour. 

In front of everyone, he’d stood center stage and held you close, nearly making you cry again as he confessed his love to you, needing you to know that his desire for you to stay was that true, the thought of you not believing him such a worry to him that he’d rather tell everyone than have you go one more day without hearing him say that he loved you.

As such, you didn’t need to be backstage for him anymore, all your orders coming from Leo throughout the day to prepare, but still you were invited to watch each show, and still you went without fail, Jack stealing kisses during each commercial break like he hadn’t seen you in years instead of minutes. You didn’t know how to be this loved, it was almost suffocating, but it was in the best of ways, one that rivaled the way your mother suffocated you for your entire life. So you clung to him, let him drown you and wash you away until you knew how it felt to be cared for, the time when you were forced to leave him so as to not incur her wrath again the most painful moments of your life.

You couldn’t risk another sleepover, not after you’d just barely gotten away with the first and regrettably last, and you still couldn’t tell him why you had to part, but he was patient with you as he drove away and left you to walk home alone, your car once again left in the lot where she wouldn’t see it. Your life had been easy before, a numbness that you were used to, but living like this, where you now had this entirely secret life with small tastes of what you could always have if you finally just left, it was breaking you worse than anything you’d ever experienced before, and you didn’t know how much longer you could last before you ended up having to choose just one to save yourself.

You knew you needed to decide when you got back from work a few Fridays later for a proper nap after spending all day running around for Leo, your mind torn between trying to figure out how to stay the night after Jack’s upcoming halloween party, your shared favourite time of the year, and how to tell him that you were ready to either take your relationship to the next level or break up with him before your heart finally broke.

As such, you weren't paying attention as you walked into your apartment, your eyes on the ground as you mumbled nonsense to yourself, not noticing that something was wrong until you reached your room and saw the suitcase on your bed. You frowned at it, trying to remember when you’d put it there when your mother appeared behind you, gave you a hug from the back as she rested her chin on your shoulder, her grip so much colder than Jack’s to the point that it made you shiver. ‘New York isn’t working out for me,’ she sighed dejectedly, your mouth going dry as your eyes widened. ‘I thought I might catch my break here, but none of the places I’ve tried are ready for me, so we’ll just have to try again, maybe Chicago might be more successful to us this time.’

‘No,’ you murmured before you could stop yourself, your mother not hiding the way she didn’t like your reply.

‘What did you say?’

‘I can’t go, I’m happy here,’ you told her as you started to panic, the thought of being forced to say goodbye before you were ready hurting more than having to watch him drive away.

‘We’ve talked about this before, I need you to keep supporting me, I can’t do this without you.’ It was an old script, one you knew very well, the words only coming out when you became close to thinking for yourself. ‘Will you really keep me here if I’m not happy?’

‘But…’ You’d never been able to win this one against her before, and she didn’t let you win it again as she dug her nails into your shoulders, her hug over already.

‘I’ve already found us a place, the rent will be cheaper, and the theater I sent my headshots to liked what they saw, so I’m going to need you to keep paying the bills while I audition for plays down there, I think I’ve finally found my calling as a theater actress, don’t you want that for your mother?’ You couldn’t speak, Jack in your vision when you shut your eyes and tried to wake yourself up from this bad dream. ‘This will be the last time, I promise, no more men breaking my heart, no more dead end jobs, just the two of us while I become the star I was always meant to be, doesn’t that sound exciting?’

You shook your head, her nails hurting you as she spun you around, your eyes still shut tight until you felt her hit you; you looked at her as your cheek stung, her own eyes boring holes into you as she clung to you until you started to flinch to escape the pain.

‘You would leave your mother to fend for herself in a brand new city, all alone? Don’t you care about me? I’m the one who birthed you, raised you alone after your father left, let you see so many beautiful things across the country, and now you’re going to tell me no when I’ve finally found something I can be happy about? Don’t I deserve to have my dreams come true, you selfish brat?’ You didn’t know what had set her off before she was hitting you again, your arms coming up to protect yourself from her slapping hands. ‘I’ve sacrificed so much to do all this for you, the least you can do is pay me back!’

‘All I do is pay you back, I never asked for any of this!’ you yelled right back, your attitude now greatly unwanted as she pushed you onto your bed and slammed the door.

‘You can stand to miss a night of work, I keep worrying about you when you don’t get home until almost 2AM, maybe it’s high time you found another day job,’ she all but ordered as she shoved a kitchen chair under your doorknob, locking you in and stopping you from seeing Jack until Monday.

‘You can’t do this! I won’t go to Chicago!’ you screamed at her as you banged your hands on the wood, the chair then met with what sounded like the table as well for extra security, the window your only hope as you unlatched it and opened it up. You tried to fit yourself through but the stairs traveled directly across it, that hadn’t changed in the two months since your arrival, and you had to give up as you tore through your sleeve and cut your arm on the rusted metal. You slowly collapsed onto your bed, rain starting to fall outside and making your room chilly as you stared up at the slivers of cloudy sky up above. ‘Just like prison bars,’ you repeated softly to yourself as a raindrop bounced off the rail and hit you right in the cheek, your chest aching as you finally broke down into your pillow, your single bed so small and cold without him there.

You stopped crying by the time the sun had fully set, your mother watching TV just on the other side of your door, no pity for you no matter if you begged for it or not, and you were not about to do that ever again now that you knew what love felt like. You sat up, the rain still going strong and drenching your sill, your eyes tired as you stared at freedom just beyond the railing. You looked down at your arm when the wet chill made it sting, the rain making the blood run again as the droplets splashed onto the dried river running over your skin. You didn’t feel pain anymore as you watched it go, Jack’s hand appearing in your mind and leaving a trail of warmth as he rubbed it all away, a memory you were going to lose if you didn’t fight for it, and your eyes narrowed as you got onto your knees and took off your shirt.

You needed the space as you tossed it beside you, your skirt then joining it before you were gritting your teeth and attempting to push yourself through the gap again. This time nothing caught, your bare skin able to feel everything and help you angle over the rail, and when your torso was free you tried not to yell in relief as the rain washed over you. You used the stairs to pull yourself out, your leg also getting cut when you got too excited and lost your grip, but you didn’t care, your clothes quickly grabbed and tugged back on before you shut your window from the outside and hurried down the fire escape.

You didn’t stop running until you reached the studio, your entire body soaked and the blood at least washed away as you raced for the set, everyone wondering where you were until you appeared. You walked past them all, needing to get to Leo as he talked with someone about if they’d seen you around since that afternoon, and the moment you got his attention he quickly tried to escourt you somewhere you could talk openly.

‘I need to talk to Jack,’ you told him seriously as you stopped him not two feet into your walk, and he looked you over before nodding and motioning for someone to come over and help you. A coat from the wardrobe rack was placed around your shoulders as Leo openly stepped on stage to whisper something in Jack’s ear, no regard for the show at all in the face of your turmoil, and you watched on the monitor as Jack’s eyes grew wide in worry.

‘I’m sorry, we’re having a bit of technical difficulties backstage, so we’re going to take a quit break to hear from our sponsors while we sort this out,’ he told the audience with a forced smile, and the second the cameras were cut he was rushing back to find you; he was dead silent as he took you in, his hands hovering but not touching as you shivered under the coat, but the moment he saw the blood he froze, his gaze darkening to something dangerous, furious. ‘Who did this to you?’ he demanded, ready to hurt whoever had hurt you, but you just grabbed him by the sleeve and pulled him towards the set door, knowing he couldn’t go far as the others gave you some space.

‘I need to tell you something,’ you began as he tried to rub the pain and chill away, your tears unnoticed as they blended in with the rain already wetting your cheeks. ‘I’m moving, tonight.’

‘What? To where? Why didn’t you tell me?’ he asked, the anger instantly melting away to heartbreak, his expression only making this harder in combination with his hands still warming your arms.

‘I can’t say, I’ll call you with the location of Leo’s car when I get far away enough, but I just need to-’

‘Are you in trouble? Is that why you haven’t been letting me visit you? I can protect you, so can Leo, just tell me,’ he tried, but you couldn’t let him, not after your mother had finally crossed that line tonight. So you shook your head, your hands coming up to move his away but he wouldn’t let you go, he couldn’t, not while he was pleading for you to stay. ‘Don’t go, please,’ he whispered as he leaned his forehead against your own, your crying now apparent to everyone as he cupped your cheeks and held you in place.

‘I don’t want to,’ you confessed, your hands moving to his chest so you could push him away and get as far away from your mother as you could, but before you did anything the set door suddenly opened, someone seeing only him and thinking him ready to go back out there. The audience gasped and murmured amongst themselves as they saw you together, Jack shielding you from them as Leo hurriedly shut the door again, the man then stomping off to give someone a very bad scolding. ‘I’m sorry, she might’ve seen me, I have to go-’

Your name drifted through the area as your blood ran cold, Jack feeling the change in you and holding you closer as your mother came into view. You had no time to wonder when she’d gotten there before she was calling your name again in relief, Gus escorting her to you since she’d known who you were and clearly trusting her for that. ‘My sweet girl, so this is where you’ve been getting,’ she cooed as she approached, Jack unsure of what was going on as she soaked up her own personal audience. ‘I’m so sorry for the mess my daughter has gotten into, you see, she’s very unwell, sneaking out in the middle of the night to come here it seems, and no matter how hard I try to keep her safe she just keeps finding a way out.’

It was a boldfaced lie, and you silently begged Jack not to believe her as she held out her hand for you to take. ‘No, no she’s lying, she’s the one who did this to me,’ you insisted as the people who’d become your friends slowly gathered around to figure out what was going on, the show almost forgotten on the other side of the set walls.

‘I placed her in her room for the night and she slipped out the window while I grabbed her dinner, I hope you haven’t been feeding into her delusions- sorry, her fantasies, rather, while she’s been here?’ You couldn’t believe your ears, Jack starting to let go of you as he thought about all your times together, all your secrets in order to keep him safe from her, all of them working against you as she reached for you again. ‘Come now, we’ll get you home and all cleaned up, let’s stop bothering these nice people so they can get back to work.’

‘I work here too,’ you insisted but the damage had been done, everyone looking at you differently as Jack took a step back, handed you over to the woman you’d so desperately tried to escape. ‘Jack, no, please- you said you wanted me to stay!’

‘I’m going to get you some help, I’ll see you tomorrow,’ he promised as your mother began to lead you away, your friends all standing aside so she’d have an easier time, and when the stage door closed you saw Leo yelling at Jack as he just stood there and took it.

You were silent the entire way home, your head resting against the glass as the rain beat against it, your mother equally as silent until you were back in your apartment again. The TV was still on, just a ruse to make you believe she was still there as she waited for you in the only place she was certain you’d go, and she’d been right, you didn’t know how but she was. Now you were back home, forced to move the table and chairs back into place so you could sleep in your damp bed.

‘I’d fix that window for you, but we’ll be moving soon enough, so there’s no point,’ your mother told you as she made herself some tea to combat the chill, your door wide open as you curled back up on your bed. ‘Yes, no need, unless you wanted to stay?’ You flinched but didn’t rise, not wanting to take the bait after what she’d just done to you; she took her cup in hand and sat down at the end of your bed, stirring the sugar in with a spoon as she gazed down at the foamy patterns filming over the surface of the dark liquid. ‘Your little secret is out now, but I’ve known for weeks, a mother always knows when her child is messing around, the mark he left on your shoulder was all the proof I needed.’

‘I’m not a child,’ you muttered numbly, but she ignored it.

‘You really believed he’d fallen for you, but all men are fickle, my dear, which is why we can’t trust any of them in love,’ she continued, her spoon tapping against the rim before she set it on your bed, the remaining tea staining your sheet. ‘Of course, in business, they still have some worth to us.’ You glanced weakly up at her as she took a sip, not wanting her to say what you knew she was going to the moment she was done. ‘I don’t know how you managed it, but my guess is that you seduced Mr. Delroy that night in order to gain his favour, didn’t you?’

‘I didn’t-’

‘You think so, but I saw the dress you came home in, no man could’ve resisted that,’ she stated plainly before taking another sip, your brows furrowing as you fought not to believe her, that Jack had asked you to stay because he’d liked you, not your outfit no matter how many glasses he’d had. ‘So, you seduced him, got on his good side as well as the studio’s, and now you’re going to pay me back with all your hard work.’

You sat up then, her eyes not on you at all as you tried not to cry again. ‘You just ruined my life, took away everything I love, why would I ever want to help you?’ you demanded pitifully, your mother taking another sip before placing the empty cup on your dresser.

‘Because if I start working there then you’ll be able to see him again, even if you will have to act like what I said tonight is true, there’s simply no way they’ll allow you back after the scene you caused, after all.’ You grabbed her by the shirt and forced her to look at you, tears running down your cheeks as she just stared right through you. ‘It’s been a long time since you’ve been this rebellious, but don’t worry, once I become the star I was always meant to be, just as we planned earlier, then you’ll be able to find a dream of your own.’

‘I don’t need a dream, I was happy there,’ you cried as you just held onto her, supporting yourself more than grabbing her as the resignation started to sink in, ‘why couldn’t you just let me have this one thing? What did I ever do to you to make you hate me this much?’

‘Hate you? My dear, I’m your mother, I could never hate you,’ she consoled you with a comforting brush to your cheek, but it held no love or warmth to it at all, just like always. ‘Loathing you, though, that’s another story.’ Her hand fell away as she stood, her spoon and cup left behind as she stood in your doorway and looked coldly down on you. ‘Who gave you the right to steal my life, parade it around for weeks while I wasted away here? Losing him is the only kindness you deserve after all of that, and when he comes around tomorrow you’re going to play the part of my sweet, sickly daughter so I can get close to him to, earn myself my own segment on his show until I can get an hour all to myself, won’t that be divine?’

‘He’ll never want to work with you, he’s a good person,’ you swore, but all the venom was gone as she just smiled hopefully and walked off for her room, your body growing heavy as you fell back down onto your side and cried until you were numb again.

You were still in bed when he came, someone else letting him in since he didn’t know your apartment number, that same someone more than likely giving him directions up to your lodgings. You didn’t move, too exhausted to get up and have him believe her again, and you wished you had the energy to at least shut your door as you watched your mother hurry to let him in when he knocked. She looked good as she passed through your vision, dressed to impress just as always, and you knew you looked a pathetic mess as you just stared at the wall and tried to block out the sound of his voice when confusion met your ears instead.

‘I’m sorry, who are you?’

‘Leo Fiske, producer of Night Owls and your daughter’s ex-boss, I just need to ask some questions to see if the studio wants her to reimburse all the money she’s been receiving under false pretenses,’ he explained in a tone you hadn’t heard before, your brows furrowing as your mother let him in. He appeared in your doorway and shut the door behind him, and you were in the middle of getting ready to explain that you had no money to pay him back when he spoke first. ‘Thank you for your time, I’m sure we’ll be able to sort through this as painfully as possible! Get up.’ He hissed the last part through his teeth, his voice switching from loud and boasting to as quiet as possible as you just stared, and he motioned for you to stand as he started going through your drawers without making a sound. ‘It’s a substantial amount, but if we explain your case to the higher ups I’m certain they’ll knock some of it off! He’s coming, get up.’

You listened that time, helping him find you some clean clothes before stripping down in front of him when he seemed very unbothered by the sight of your undergarments in the top drawer. ‘Why are you doing this?’ you whispered as you tossed your dirty clothes aside, Leo holding up a blouse to you before shaking his head and going for something else instead.

‘Because Jack’s an idiot, I told you he was gullible, that man would sell his soul if the contract was worded just right,’ he muttered quietly, and you believed him as he picked out an outfit and turned away so you could pull on some clean underwear and a new bra.

‘So, you don’t believe her?’ It was almost too good to be true, Leo turning on his heel to help you do up the zipper on the back of your shirt the moment you had it on.

‘Fuck no, I called that horseshit the second she opened her mouth, that woman is a terrible actor,’ he told you as he zipped you up, a comb coming out of nowhere to fix up your hair a little. ‘Look, he meant well last night, but I kicked his ass for you after you left, so don’t give him too hard a time when he arrives; I left the moment he called me, and he has zero ability to handle downtown traffic so we’ve got about three minutes to talk.’

‘She’s trying to blackmail me into getting her a job.’

‘Yeah, I figured that, a good producer can always sniff out the narcissistic types.’

‘She’s always done this, but I’ve never had the courage to fight back until… I met all of you,’ you confessed, Leo spinning you around to fluff your hair and wipe some smudges from your cheeks.

‘That’s because you’re a Night Owl, knew you were the moment you wanted the job, so you get out there when he comes and you knock that bitch on her ass, you hear me?’ He clapped his hands over your arms in encouragement, and when another knock came to the door he quickly excused himself so Jack wouldn’t see him leaving your room. ‘There you are, already talked to her about the repayment, so you can do whatever business you’ve got with them now.’

‘Repayment?’ Jack’s voice was confused but still sounded like music to your ears as you willed your heart to not beat out of your chest, your feet moving on their own as you stepped out into the living room to face him. He looked tired, his usual joy at seeing you quickly quelled by the shame of how he’d let the night before end, and it took all your strength not to go to him and tell him it was okay, you understood. ‘I, uh, I still want to help in any way I can, are there any treatment centers I can help pay for, or perhaps drive her to?’ he asked your mother, that not the answer she wanted to hear as she swayed her way over to him.

‘It means so much to us that you’ve grown so fond of her, Mr. Delroy, ever since her father left things have been hard for us, money has been tight; if you truly wish to help then a more- stable income would be very advantageous to us both,’ she led, Leo putting his head in his hand behind her back as he just kept seeing right through her. 

‘I can ask around, see if anyone has any positions open?’ he suggested, and for a moment you were worried that he was still buying into it when he looked at you; you saw the switch between showman and himself, his true self that he’d shown you while he laid in bed across from you. He may have bought it the night before but he wasn't now that he was able to see you without the rush of the timeframe and the stares of his crew. ‘But in the meantime, I’d really like to get her in a more suitable place, somewhere she can be taken care of where she won’t hurt herself again, and I’d like to get that done today, if you don’t mind.’

‘Wha- today? But we haven’t discussed all of our business yet,’ she was quick to decline, and when she went to grab onto you to keep you still, Leo moved just as fast to put himself between the two of you.

‘We can discuss it another time, you just give us your contact info and we’ll call you back,’ he muttered flatly as he herded you towards Jack, your mother starting to catch on when he then left you to toss everything you owned into the suitcase still laying on your floor.

‘Wait a minute, you can’t take my daughter away from me,’ she frowned angrily, your hand reaching for Jack when she stepped in front of you to stop you. ‘You can’t leave me, you remember the last time you tried that, don’t you? What child leaves her poor mother all alone like this for someone who’ll only break her heart again?’

‘I’m not a child!’ you yelled in her face, Leo smirking to your right as he leaned against your doorframe, suitcase in hand. Jack just stared, not wanting to get between you but not about to leave you again, and you borrowed his strength as you stood up tall and sucked in a deep breath. ‘I’m a grown woman! I’m almost 40 fucking years old, and I will not let you hurt me anymore!’

‘Hurt you? I am your mother, I would never-’

‘Dragging me across the country, using me to pay your bills, never letting me have a life of my own, and now trying to make it seem like I’m broken just so you can step in front of the cameras? I’m not broken, no matter how hard you try you can never break me, and for once in my life I’m choosing to stay with people who actually give a damn about me!’ Your shoulders shook as you cried, but not in misery this time, you were crying because you were angry, Leo giving you a few slow claps before heading for the door, a cigarette already lit as he carried your suitcase to the car for you, so certain that you’d follow that he never looked back. You’d let her rule your life for too long, and she’d managed to talk you out of it before but not this time, not when he was right there, waiting for you even though he knew everything.

There was nothing left to keep from him, your abuse out in the open and explaining everything you’d kept from him, and he just smiled at you as he held out his hand for you to take.

‘What will you do when this ends? All men leave in the end, and this one’s in showbusiness, you think he won’t find someone younger and prettier than you the moment you hold onto him too hard?’ she demanded to know like he wasn't even there, Jack knowing better than to argue even though you knew he never would. Even if he fell out of love with you someday it would never be for those reasons, and as you took a step forward you knew that he might not even fall out of love with you as he mouthed the words to you again as his final plea for you to stay.

‘I’ll figure that out without you, then,’ was all you said, and then you were shoving past her to throw yourself into his arms. He held you close as he kissed the top of your head, your mother yelling insults and begging you not to go as you cried against his chest, and when he turned and led you out you didn’t stop until you reached his car and climbed into the passenger seat, Jack kissing you properly the moment his own door closed.

You had no idea if your mother stayed in New York after you finally left her, several calls to the studio to find you going ignored, her picture everywhere as she was banned from the premises. You moved into Leo’s house for the first few weeks, that final step between you and Jack making you both blushing messes at the thought of living together so soon and stopping it from happening. Leo was fine with that, his house was empty most of the time anyway so you were free to rest up there while the restraining order was put into motion, one of his many spare bedrooms becoming your own as they, along with your other new friends, took care of you for once.

The matter was cleared up around the studio, the news catching hold of the entire story after the camera had accidentally caught you along with the audience; suddenly you found yourself everywhere, your mother attempting to cash in on that only for Leo to step in and nip it all in the bud. You were constantly surprised by how much influence this random man had, but you were grateful for it all the same as he pushed you out the door and into Jack’s arms so he could take you shopping for some new clothes, your wallet full of his so-called petty cash again.

It was almost scary how accustomed to your new life you became, how fast you got used to stretching out in bed and waking whenever you wanted, Jack always a phone call or a drive away, no more bars or rails stretching across your windows as you threw them open and breathed in the fresh, October air. Halloween was coming up, and this time the party was going to be at Jack’s house after his special Spooktacular show, as he was now calling it. The guests were all booked, you’d bought decorations for the set with him already even though Leo told him to leave it to the set designers, and currently you were chatting about what he was going to wear before his costume change halfway through the show as you sat at the drive-in with him to see the latest horror flick.

He already ate away at your shared popcorn as the screen showed a bunch of cartoon characters grabbing snacks from the concession stand, the turnout not as busy since home viewing was on the rise, but you liked it that way as you leaned in closer to him. ‘I think it’d be cute if you gave away candy to the audience as they arrived,’ you thought aloud, once again attempting to stop him from eating all your treats before the movie even started, ‘or maybe you could do a draw and some lucky people could get candy apples, I hear those are tasty.’

‘You’ve never had one before?’ he asked around another mouthful of popcorn, the sun nearly set and signaling that the movie was going to start soon.

‘Never got a chance to trick ‘r treat thanks to her, I’ve only ever handed out candy if I could afford to buy a bag for the kids,’ you explained, no longer afraid to keep everything to yourself.

‘I’ll set something up at the studio, then we can go around to the different sets and offices and get you some candy,’ he promised seriously, and you laughed as you had some popcorn for yourself.

‘Thank you, but I think I’ll survive,’ you giggled, although the thought of visiting Leo’s office in costume only for him to give you a pack of smokes or a travel-sized bottle of alcohol and then shut the door in your face sure sounded tempting. ‘Jack, can I tell you something?’ you then asked, your hand finding his when he reached for more popcorn. ‘I never thought I’d get out of there, my whole life I thought that that was it, that I’d missed my chance to leave and that this was my punishment, but… meeting you, getting the job on Night Owls, knowing what it’s like to be actually wanted for the first time, I don’t know, sometimes I still think I might be dreaming.’

He looked at you for a long while, really taking you in before getting you to look at him. ‘One of our guests, the illusionist, you remember him? He taught me a little phrase to say when I think that all of this is just a dream,’ he confided in you in return, and you leaned in a little closer as he lowered his voice. ‘Say it with me: Dreamer. Here. Awake.’

‘Dreamer, here, awake,’ you repeated, and when the dream didn’t end he tapped you on the nose as proof before kissing your forehead.

‘See? Sometimes what’s too good to be true is just what we can’t let ourselves accept, so we tell ourselves otherwise until we lose it; now, I don’t want to lose you, so you’d better start accepting that this is reality, okay?’ he whispered gently to you, his buttery hand finding your cheek and making you giggle again because it was too silly to be just a dream.

‘This is reality,’ you agreed, and when he kissed you he tasted of the popcorn he’d all but devoured by himself. It was sweet at first, but the more you kept pulling each other back for more the more you knew you were ready, Jack panting lightly when you finally resisted the urge to kiss him again. ‘Can I tell you something else?’ you breathed against his lips, and when he nodded you shut your eyes. ‘I want you to be my first.’

He already knew about your inexperience by now, how you wanted to move slow with him while you got used to everything, so there was no rushing you as he bit at his lip and looked you seriously in the eye.

‘Are you sure?’ he needed to know, and when you nodded he set the popcorn onto the floor between your legs and started the car back up. ‘We can see this another time, it just came out,’ he decided as he drove away, both of your hearts pounding as he headed back home right as the opening credits started to roll.

You were thankful he lived near the drive-in, a choice on his part since he loved movies so much but never committed to a U-Matic like Leo, and the moment you walked through the door you were kissing each other again. ‘Hi,’ you mumbled nervously, Jack echoing your greeting as you both took off your outdoor clothes and made your way upstairs. You hadn’t slept over since that night, not even when you started stealing Leo’s spare, but his bed was just as warm and comfortable as you remembered as he lifted your dress over your head and laid you down on it. 

You thought he was beautiful as he stripped off his sweater, the weather getting colder and making him switch from suits to warm wool, the thick shape of it doing nothing to hide the way his body curved so wonderfully under your palms. You silently asked for him to join you as he stepped out of his pants, your mouths meeting again as he gently brushed his thumb over your cheek. ‘I’m glad you stayed,’ he finally told you as he lay next to you, his hand resting on your waist as the silent question of what to do next came over you. 

‘I’m glad I did too.’

He pulled you closer, his fingers much more dextrous this time as he undid the latch on your bra, your hands covering yourself before he whispered silent affirmations to you, never to make you do anything you didn’t want to, but just to tell you it was okay, you could stop whenever you wanted. You didn’t want to stop though, your hand finding his in the dark before guiding it down to your breast, and the resulting sound he brought out of you was one you’d never heard yourself make before. He was encouraged to keep going, keep making you feel good as he shifted down enough to take a nipple into his mouth, your fingers tangling in his hair as you shut your eyes and moaned.

You whispered his name as he then trailed his hand over the expanse of your stomach, fingers brushing against the lace of your underwear but never going further, and again you guided him to do more, your breath hitching as he touched you for the first time. Your hips started to move as he began kissing your neck, his index pressing just just hard enough to part you through your panties, a longing like you’d never known overtaking you as you weakly asked for more. He obliged your every whim, finally reaching in to touch you even more intimately, your brain torn between the way he sucked marks into your skin and how he was making your thighs shake with each circle of your clit.

‘Please, I want you…’ you murmured as your head fell back, the tears already starting to fall because you’d never known warmth like this before, and he kissed every one away as he reached down even further to enter you. It was strange at first, your back arching as your mind fought to understand how something could feel so good, Jack still whispering those affirmations to you about how good you were doing for him as he gently stretched you open for him. When he added a second finger you almost couldn’t take it, everything so good that you didn’t know how it could feel any better, a careful but constant brush of his palm against your clit pushing you over the edge as he swallowed down every noise.

‘You did so well for me,’ he praised you as he slowed to a halt, but you weren’t done, you could feel his hardness press needily against your leg, your eyes glazing over for just a moment as you reached down to not only stop him from removing his hand but to also start to push his boxers down his hips.

‘I said I wanted you.’ You swallowed heavily when he couldn’t help but groan, he’d been content with helping you and then taking care of himself at this step, but there’d be a time for you to return the favour later, for tonight you wanted to be one with him. He asked you if you were sure again, and you answered him by taking off your panties and tossing them to the floor with the rest of your clothes. He swore under his breath before doing the same, Jack then reaching into his nightstand to pull out a small bottle of something. He popped the cap and poured a little into his palm, and you couldn’t help but watch as he groaned again and began to coat his length with it, his hand next to your arm fisting the sheets as his breathing started to quicken.

He looked down at you like you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen as he parted your legs, lifting them to your chest for just a moment as he lined himself up to you. He preferred to brace his hands under your thighs as he slowly pushed in, his choked off moan filling the room along with your own as he leaned down until you were almost chest to chest. He needed the closeness, wanted to be so near to you that it almost hurt, his hips still as he let you adjust to him. When you wrapped your arms around his neck and gave a small squeeze to his shoulder he knew he could move, his pace just right as he let his head fall to the pillows right beside yours.

He rocked into you, making love to you more than fucking you, and you didn’t let go of him as he kissed your neck and cheek whenever the angle allowed him to. He mumbled promises of forever into your skin, and when you wrapped your legs around him he was finally free to let go of your legs to hold you elsewhere instead, one hand braced on your hip while the other massaged and felt and clung to whatever he could reach.

‘I love you,’ he breathed into your ear, more tears falling as you felt your orgasm approach again, the preparations from before feeling nothing like this as you felt complete for the first time in your life. ‘I love you so much, stay with me, here, from now on.’

‘I will, I will,’ you promised him, Jack finding your mouth to kiss you and seal the deal as you came again, the way you clenched around him only making him come that much faster right after you. It felt like an eternity of bliss as he hips slowly stopped, Jack taking his sweet time rolling off of you and making you think that he would’ve spent all night with you underneath him if he didn’t think it would be uncomfortable for you, so you gave him the next best thing by draping yourself over him, leaving no space between your slightly shaking bodies.

‘I love you, too,’ you confessed against his chest, another kiss to the top of your head making one final tear fall as you felt nothing but pure, uncontained happiness.

‘I wasn't kidding, I want you to move in with me,’ he revealed as he stretched out, his arm wrapped around you and keeping you close when he feared you might get up at his words. ‘I’ve been talking to Leo about it all week, after the Halloween show I want to introduce you to all the Night Owls out there, and then we can move all your things over here before the party.’ He went quiet for a moment, unsure by your silence, and when he looked down at you you took a moment to kiss him again, never wanting it to end as he cupped your cheek. ‘I want you to make this place your home.’

‘I want nothing more than that,’ you just barely kept from sobbing, Jack’s smile wide as his relief made him sigh.

‘We’ll do that, then,’ he confirmed, your head back on his chest as he rubbed circles into your shoulder. ‘Don’t forget to dress up for the show, it is Halloween, after all.’

‘I’ve never dressed up before, what should I go as?’ you asked, Jack pretending to think about it for just a moment before biting his lip.

‘How about Dracula’s bride?’ he suggested, knowing fully well that he was already going on set dressed as a vampire, his costume picked out earlier that day.

‘That sounds perfect to me, we can pick it up tomorrow.’

Again, he held you until you both fell asleep, the previously neverending feeling of running finally at an end as he nuzzled against you in his sleep; you were happy there, the bed large around you as you both took up just the middle, the windows wide open and allowing in the night air as you were lulled into your own comfortable sleep.

You were free.

[autisticandroids]

are u a down to agincourt guy at all? i notice it’s not on any of ur rec lists (which is valid even if u do like it lmao it’s everywhere so there’s no need to let the people know about it) any chance ur a hater and want to let loose a little 👀

i mean, i'm not really a hater? i'm more an ambivalent.

first of all, to be clear, i've only read map of the world. i tapped out after that, partly because i just wasn't that into it but mostly because there was some unspeakably stupid stuff about godstiel at the end and i was in my sensitive era about godstiel things.

i also tapped out because i had heard some rather withering reviews from two friends who both tried it and had the same reaction, which is that the narrative of dta lacks tension and forward-movement. i, having only read map of the world, agreed with this, because that's certainly true of map of the world. most notably, it's true that dta actively removes tension by taking the basic premise of the story - that cas' dean and dean's cas are both gone - and just.... removing as much friction from that as possible. endverse cas and endverse dean, in dta, had so little positive relationship that seperis had to invent a way of being soulmates (also. cinemasins ding. i hate soulmates. partly for exactly this reason: they're a copout in terms of the messy and therefore narratively interesting work of relationship building) in order to justify why cas was attached to dean. dean seems perfectly happy to stay where he is and is not panicking about losing his sammy at all, samlucifer haunting him in the white suit doesn't even bother him that much! and he's actively happy to start over with a different cas, because he comes from a post-godstiel time and doesn't like his cas anymore.

personally i really disliked the whole dean and godstiel element for obvious reasons, not least because it annoys me that seperis chose to portray dean as *afraid* of godstiel and not just. enraged at him. however i think the much bigger problem, narratively, is the lack of love lost between endverse cas and endverse dean.

the first reason for this is pretty simple. dta dean is not my little guy and he has no relation to my little guy. he's a nice dude for cas to glom onto. and this isn't a crime, generally speaking fics will do this to one or the other of the dudes, and i'm happy to see it done to dean instead of cas for a change. but it means that dean's characterization doesn't matter as much.

the second reason is that dean didn't just lose cas, he lost literally his whole world. his entire timeline. and he should be upset about that, not cas in specific. i would still say he's insufficiently upset, but it's not as specific and personal.

but like.... if dta is about anything, it's about dta cas. and that means the tensions at the heart of cas' character matter. and he should have WAY more trouble slotting new dean into his life!!! like, the reason for thing #2 on this list is basically just me vagueing dta. in canon, the point of divergence for endverse is ftbyam. when cas and dean already have an intense, close, and sweet relationship. it's soured by the time endverse rolls around, but there was something to sour, inititally! and like to me it's also an excuse to like. use the classic deancas trope of having dean give cas a bunch of mundane firsts that he receives with childlike wonder. like in dta dean teaches cas to enjoy food. and like, that's against the spirit! of endverse cas! the point is that he's already HAD all those experiences with another dean but then things went sour!!!! AUGH.

anyway. making endverse dean Just A Bastard With No Redeeming qualities is like. a serious copout. imo. and it's symptomatic of a broader aversion to conflict and therefore a broader aversion to tension and movement and change. and so what you end up with, (again in map of the world at least, but from other people's reviews i suspect the rest remains the same), is a hundred thousand words of portraiture. it's beautiful, and it's lovingly painted. but it's not a story, because nothing happens in it or is being set up to happen.

but also, i wanna be clear. i REALLY liked elements of the portraiture. i think generally speaking people in fandom get their heads easily turned by pretty prose. like if the story is poetic at a paragraph level, they will give it wildly undue credit. but dta's prose really worked for me in a way a lot of other celebrated poetic fics' prose doesn't. like the density of it really adds something meaningful to the story i think. as a character portrait for cas, it really pulls you in.

and the cas characterization is so..... like it's so powerful, to me. for me i think it's more a characterization for canon cas than for endverse cas but also endverse cas is just canon cas with a few different experiences so like it still completely works. like i love the cas stuff.

the magic worldbuilding is like awesome to me. the thing about me is i love a magic system. i will risk it all for a good magic system. one time i was like, to my friend who liked dta, hey is seperis a programmer? and they were like yeah. and i was like yeah i figured. anyway. magic system <3.

and then also i like that endverse cas Lives In A Society. i like all the ocs and the relationships and the history. i wish that was more consistent, like i wish the endverse cas on the page felt more like he was situated in his history, rather than a new man born into his circumstances (so for example, i like that dta cas Quit Every Drug immediately at the start because endverse fic is so weird about drugs so not touching them is a nice choice imo, but it's also a symptom of this disconnect: cas is not weighed down by old habits and old wounds the way he should be. he's not stuck in place. and like that's the POINT of endverse cas: that he has history. and dta cas feels disconnected from that. and this is also wrapped in with my main criticism of how endverse dean and endverse deancas is handled). but i still like that he lives in a society and i think over the course of map of the world seperis becomes a little better at situating cas in a history in small ways instead of disconnecting him.

anyway in the end, dta is simply not my bag, and this is why. but i also get why people like it, because i also like parts of it.

[mikelogan]

torturedpoets*tumblr*com/post/738611754795466752 hi! do you mind sharing what steps you use to color gifs like this? Some could assume that gifs with just one colour will be boring, but your colourings is always so nice 🥰

hi there!! i'd be happy to! i've never regretted saving a psd yet 😂 this is the post in question and honestly, for as... not great as the quality of my dl of the movie is, i'm still really happy with how it turned out! also i love women 😍

nothing too wild going on here, but even when i do "simple" coloring like this (gradient maps, my beloved), i still color the base gifs. once i have all the gifs made and plopped onto the canvas, this is what my coloring layers look like:

working from the bottom up, i almost always start with a brightness/contrast layer. i don't adjust either value, but instead set the layer's blending mode to screen. this movie is pretty dark, so i left the opacity at 100%, but sometimes, i'll drop the opacity as low as 20-30%.

i follow that up with a curves layer, where i utilize the black and white eyedroppers. click the black eyedropper and then click the blackest point on your gif. then do the same with the white eyedropper. it's a good idea to play around with different points, especially when you're working with super tinted scenes. curves layers can be a lifesaver!

on the levels layer, i did the same exact thing with the eyedroppers, but oftentimes, i end up increasing the black value, like you see here:

next, my FAVORITE adjustment layer: selective color! i like to color code my selective color layers, especially when i'm working on a super colorful set like my recent lisa frankenstein set. i always start with adjusting the blacks and usually the neutrals. you can right click on the eye/visibility icon to select a color. i use grey for these colors. here were my adjustments:

i'll occasionally adjust the white values when working with a really tinted scene, but these were fine, and it wouldn't make much difference anyway since we're putting a gradient map over top.

the next curves layer is just a slight adjustment for the top row of gifs to make the eventual gradient map layer more vibrant. i added this after the fact, but wanted it positioned here.

the subsequent brightness/contrast layer is the same thing. the top row just needed some more work. same as the original b/c layer, i didn't adjust the values and set the layer to screen. on this one, i dropped the opacity to 45%.

finally, the pièce de résistance, the gradient map layer! i just slapped on a gradient map adjustment layer. the color on the left should always be your darker color, and in this case, i want it true black. the color goes on the right, and bc this was a lesbian flag set, i just googled the specific hex codes for the lesbian pride flag and used those colors for each row! here's what that looks like for the orange portion of the set:

to change the colors, you just click on the lil square guys on the bottom of the gradient and you can choose a color from the color picker or just copy and paste a hex code.

and there you have it! i lovelovelove using gradient maps for big, vibrant pops of color, but also for gifs of scenes that are just. so hard to color lmao. call it a cop-out, but it makes my life a lot easier 😂

let me know if you have any more questions on this set or any others!!

[yumikitten]

Request: Idk if you've seen on tiktok (the booktok side) where this girl finds a motorcycle in the parking lot of Barnes and Noble and tries to find the man riding it in the store??? And when she does, he's in the romance sections and UwU's at him! Eheeek! But then he makes his own account to find her and even goes as far to say he's never been UwU'd in the wild before. Lmao But anyway, it kind of gives me Ruffilo vibes! I feel like he'd be in the romance section for sure!

A/N: Omg I have!! They have a date Tuesday! And I guess she recommended ACOTAR and he's totally reading it now. Legit its own romance novel in the making! But I agree, this has Ruffilo vibes! So, without further ado. Ahem.

Warnings: None, only fluff. 💕

You were on your way into Barnes and Noble at 9am sharp to grab your copy of Iron Flame before they sold out. You'd waited at least six months for it and you weren't about to be hindered by not only them selling out on release day, but finding a misprinted copy. For whatever reason, there were hundreds of misprints out in the world and you would not be one of those people getting one. You were about to inspect the living hell out of each copy you could so you brought home the perfect one.

Walking into the romance section, you immediately see a man with his hair pulled up looking at Fourth Wing, stopping in your tracks and pulling yourself behind the end aisle shelves. Standing in shock at not only finding a man in the romance section of a book store, but a man that was entirely too hot for his own good. Was he gay? Was that what was going on here? Men who openly read romance novels were usually gay. Never before had you seen someone of the opposite gender as hot as he was looking into one of your favorite books. It had to be a ploy, right? Maybe he was getting it for his girlfriend, you reasoned as your eyes averted down and to the right where a few copies of Iron Flame were. With a last glance at the man who had his back turned to you, you made your way to his right and began looking through the first copy.

The book jacket looked pretty solid, the font perfectly aligned. The title page plainly said it was Iron Flame as did the spine. You even noticed the map wasn't upside-down and you weren't losing a hundred pages or better. From what you could tell, chapter seventeen still had the dragon printed on it and you didn't see any duplicate pages. Satisfaction rolled through your body as you stood up and smiled widely to yourself. It was the perfect copy of Iron Flame. Now all you needed to do was check out and you'd be on your way home to binge read the ever living fuck out of it.

Turning, you noticed the man still standing there, now with another and much darker romance: Haunting Adeline. It wasn't for the faint hearted and not something someone should read their first time. You weren't positive this was his first time reading smut, but the signs were there. If he was trying to choose between those two specifically, he wasn't aware of the differences in romance.

"Get Fourth Wing," you spun around to tell him, light gray eyes piercing through you as a smile crept between his cheeks. "Haunting Adeline is a very dark romance whereas Fourth Wing is fantasy romance."

"How dark are we talking?" He asked, putting it back on the shelf to grab Fourth Wing again.

"Dark enough to know you might cringe at one of the chapters in there if you haven't read dark romance before. Trust me, get Fourth Wing." You clutched Iron Flame to your chest in a vice, not wanting it out of your sight for a second. "The second book, Iron Flame, just came out today. It's worth the hype, believe me."

Raising his eyebrow, looking between you and the shelf, he picked up the second book as well. "Well, if you insist it's as good as you're wanting me to believe."

"Oh, it is absolutely amazing. But also, let me see that." You reached your hand out for the copy he grabbed, the man giving it to you without question. Once again, you ran through the mental checklist of misprints and found no problems with this one either. Both perfect copies were USA published, not Italy. Part of you was beginning to suspect the Italy copies were the problem. "Long story, but there have been a wide-range of misprints this release. Probably the biggest I've ever seen, but it looks like this copy is perfect."

He accepted it back, "Thanks, I don't even know if I'd notice a difference or not."

Shrugging, you said, "You'd know if you were missing a hundred pages toward the end."

He seemed to be taken aback. "No shit?"

You nodded, "Yea, it's crazy ugly with some of them. The list kept growing with how many different problems people were finding."

"Well, I appreciate it. I'm looking forward to reading it." His smile was warming as one of his hands held the two books at his side. Honestly, he was much too pretty not to be gay. Quite, seemingly reserved, and wanting to read romance. Either he was gay or he was the perfect man. And the tattoos? Seriously, the universe was playing with you at how rare this occasion was.

"You definitely will, promise." Instead of introducing yourself like a normal human, you really wanted to get home to read. The more time spent lolly-gagging, the more spoilers you'd have to dodge online. You waved, smiled, and turned around to check out. Was what you were doing dumb? Absolutely. This was a once-in-a-lifetime chance presented before you and your focus was on a book about dragons and Shadow Xaddy.

You stood in line to check out, women shuffling in to grab their own copies as you saw the mystery man walk toward you. Well, not you per say, but the line. You truly hoped he'd like your recommendation as it really was one of your favorite series now. Who didn't enjoy it? The book had everything you could possibly want. Characters were fleshed out, dragons could communicate with you, Xaden Riorson. The sarcasm could put a person on their knees alone. Xaden Riorson.

You swing the door open to leave, your car in one of the first few spots as you hear someone behind you. Turning, you see the man walk toward you, books in hand.

"Here," he hands you a piece of paper with a number on it and the name Nicholas across the top. "This way I can tell you what I think about it later." Cheeks flushed you stood there perplexed. Was this happening right now? Did the hot man just give you his number?

Without thinking, you grabbed a pen out of your purse and pulled his hand toward you to write your name and number on his palm.

"There," you finished the last digit, capping the pen and putting it back in your purse, "now you can text me any time it gives you a crisis."

"Crisis?"

"A good crisis, but crisis nonetheless." His eyes were glistening in the morning sunlight, eyes looking into yours like he had found a gem. "I'd get to reading before you get any spoilers. It's a dangerous time right now."

"I'll be sure to keep a lookout if you promise to be the person to discuss theories with." Hand outstretched, Nicholas waited to see if you'd accept his proposal or not.

"Sounds like a plan to me." You took his hand in yours, the fingers calloused yet somehow still soft as you shook hands. Eventually, the two of you parted ways, your mind questioning if you had a fever dream or not. Regardless, you had a book to start. Time was ticking.

Four hours later, you get a text from Nicholas saying, "I don't know, but Dain sounds like a tool." And thus your relationship with Nicholas Ruffilo officially started.

[hazy-egg]

ALRIGHT EVERYONE DAVE IS REAL AND IN MY HOUSE!

I had some vague interest from people wanting to know how to aquire one of these fuckers, so I’ve made a (slightly jank) tutorial on how to make one of these yourself! (instructions and materials below)

Materials are mostly self explanatory, but the chalk is for drawing the pattern on the felt, the glue gun is for attatching the mouth, eyes, and security badge to the plush, and the wire is to go through the body/neck/head so his head isn’t floppy. ALSO you’ll need scissors to cut the felt out (forgot to draw that lmao)

This is the pattern to draw out on our lighter felt for the head and body! This is specifically for Dave, but if you’re making Jack you can adjust the proportions on the body to be a bit shorter and wider. These are in centimeters because I am not American.

Cut along these lines, you can cut out each panel but I’m lazy so this works just fine.

You’re kinda turning these into cubes, think of it like one of those paper maps you probably made in elementary math class. Fold along the lines and use a whip stitch to attatch the pieces together AS WELL as stitch along the chalk lines-- that will make it look like you actually cut all the panels out and define the different sides. 

should start to look like this! Make sure to leave one side open so you can flip it inside out!

Once it’s inside out, you can stuff it and use a ladder stitch to close the last side. I reccommend leaving a shorter side open so the ugly stitch is less noticable. 

Once you’ve cut out the mouth, eye, and badge shapes you can glue them on!

Here’s where it gets. a little jank so buckle up!

This is the general pattern for the arms, legs, and neck. You’ll have to futz and adjust it... a bit because I am not stellar at making patterns, but this is good to get ya going!

This time cut out each panel

Also to note- If you’re making Jack you do not nead that much neck lmao

OKAY sO for stitching, this time it’s less straightforward. For the legs I folded each rectangle in half (Ugly side out!) and just stitched along the edge to make a tube

Kinda like this

Then flip it inside out, stuff, and fold and crease it to look like a foot using a whip stitch. To extra secure it I did a ladder stitch along the top to keep the foot upright

Then just pull the thread tight and boom you got a leg. Repeat that on the other leg and now he can walk.

Attatch it to the ass with a ladder stitch (and also secure it along the top with another ladder stitch to keep him in a sitting position if you want)

Now for the arms

So this is probably the most jank part of the tutorial. For the arms I ended up adjusting the pattern I had cut out to look more like this.

Then you just kinda

fold and pin it to get a boot-like shape. Use the extra fabric you cut off the bottom of the arm to make a little oval for the palm and then stitch it all together (leaving the top open). Then flip, stuff, and attatch with a ladder stitch!

mans kinda built like an Ugg boot. 

Lastly the neck is literally just a tube. If it’s Dave make it long. Just stitch along one side and leave the two ends open so you can put the stuffing and wire inside. Now for the Wire! To make sure it can’t puncture through the felt, bend the ends to look like this

Now to run it through him just take some scissors and snip two lil holes, one at the bottom of his head and one in the middle of the top panel of his body and have the wire go through his body, neck, and into his head. that’ll make his neck bendable. Then just attatch the neck with a ladder stitch and you have your man! For Dave just bend the neck into the desired potition aaand you’re done!

And if you follow the steps carefully you should end up with this mother fucker in your house!

[kimeoshi]

‘Twas both 👁👁, but yeah honestly I’m very interested cause damn- (sorry if I seem awkward I’m not good with online interaction 😭😭 LMAO)

NAH no worries you're doing fine!!

It's a pretty wide array of topics but touching the surface of it, I'll go into my art process.

Here's a short thread where I went into this similarly!

I pretty much follow the steps of what I mentioned there, but it varies a little bit based on the style I go for too: painting whole illustrations or design or more simple fun things.

I could describe what I did in each frame of my process gifs which I've posted before but I would need some time. With big pieces, the steps I go by (read slowly, it's a pretty dense text):

thumbnailing -> sketching with bigger shapes to get the line of action/feel (that is, I'm just blocking out the composition) -> refine that a bit -> hide BG, draw the characters (lineart) and add the base colors of them. (then merge & rasterize a copy of it for later) -> put them back in the environment (unhide BG), make them grey -> add shading in greyscale style (multiply layers, glow dodge layers, you name it) -> get that previous rasterized layer back and put it on color mode -> those characteristic shiny parts get a new layer with overly saturated + high brightness colors -> color BG with a new color layer -> then rendering/refining for concerning amounts of time -> add effects and change color/brightness/contrast curves + gradient map -> profit???

For software, I generally use Paint Tool SAI (I adore blending/painting here), I use Clip Studio Paint for the 3D posing library/sketching/lineart, and Photoshop for final effects. (Update: I mostly do all things in CSP now)

(if you have CSP, try out this brush... it saved my life)

As for improvement:

I experiment, watch a lot of youtube videos (I personally like the ones which analyse an artist). I suggest thoroughly understanding how something moves and works (for anatomy I can recommend the book 'Anatomy for Sculptors'), I also study and jot down important pieces of advice or insights to a collective document, rather than saving them to my device where it is highly likely to be forgotten.

I believe if you put great importance on colors and composition, that can cause the most noticeable, 'fastest' improvement, at least if you view it from the lens of social media. (While online environments provide significant reassurance, it must be engaged with in moderation, as it is easy to fall into a lot of negative mindsets, taking the enjoyment out by perfectionism, comparison, or seeking validation, etc.)

Another improvement technique you can try is to slow down a speedpaint video of your choice and follow along with the artist. Extremely useful, I recommend, put your artist under a microscope.

Of course I don't do all of these things every single waking hour, it's just a side hobby to my unrelated studies in real life. Even if you don't actively draw your visual library and knowledge can improve passively, I find that so fascinating. I don't touch a paper for months and there's a sudden jump, like damn what. (Not saying you should do this, active learning is still better ofc) Either way my point with that is, that improving does and did take a lot of time for me as well.

Apologies if this goes all over the place, I tried to touch upon every subject that came to mind at the moment, in not too much in detail, overall I hope it makes sense

If you have any specific questions related, feel free to ask! Or if there's any specific problem you'd like to tackle but find yourself lost, same applies!

[hikennosabo]

#tristampparty day 6, episode 6: once upon a time in hopeland

THE HALFWAY POINT OF @tristampparty BABY!!! this is another episode i've watched multiple times on its own so... LET'S GOOOOO

and we start right out the gate with

wolfwood vial count: 2

i don't think i need to keep saying that masaya onosaka is the radio dj... he's been a constant...

LOL, LMAO, EVEN

"disposal," though... we know all about the last run, but what else does disposal entail. like what do they do with the. um. the corpse? and the word "disposal"... yeesh...

so they say, even though it's obvious bullshit. but i do wonder. conrad is in charge of july, EoM's base is in july, etc etc... but how many people actually know what's going on? who does "the july government" consist of besides conrad? what about the civilians living in the city? EoM's cover is flimsy at best, they're suspicious as hell, so how deep and how far does the propaganda machine reach that this can just... keep going on?

all this planet has is radio and newspapers, no TV, no internet, and everyone is struggling just to survive... we saw just last ep how EoM had a grip on one village to the point where it was normalized to sacrifice children... just how good are they at controlling information? jeez. roberto and meryl's job as reporters is more important than ever.

we see that part of wolfwood's designated role is to go after deserters and traitors, so that's another way of controlling information, but. he's just one guy. so they probably have more assassins than just him. maybe the rest of the ghg that we haven't seen yet? there's livio, too, but... how long has he been with EoM at this point? the timeline's so unclear on this, i don't know... we know it took "months" between wolfwood being taken by them and his escape attempt + livio(/razlo) joining, but we don't know how long ago that was either... presumably it would also take "months" for the experiments to be done on livio, or maybe even less time? uhhhhh (steam comes out of my ears from thinking too hard)

......i'm less than 3 minutes into the episode. let's continue.

it's cute that they shrug simultaneously. mad at each other but still in sync... :')

no idea why the orphanage would be highlighted on the map except for foreshadowing purposes, but it looks like the steamer stops at... uh... *squints* taradiddlescoast... deucedump?!... orange bazoo... who tf is naming these places?!

:') aha. ahahahahaha. ahahhahahahaha. ah. uah. ue. ueeeeeeaaahhh

we already know that the sandsteamer route passes by the orphanage. so i like that there's a sandsteamer visible in the distance. very nice subtle attention to detail here

i feel like people are always quick to point out that livio and wolfwood being siblings is specific to stampede only but i DON'T care, this is my FAVORITE interpretation of their relationship, i really love it so much and think it enhances the narrative and nicely contrasts the relationship between vash and knives. orange was SO big brained for this and i'm not kidding. they're brothers in the manga too, to me.

the dub line here is "stop, livio! he's not who hurt you!" which just tears me into a million pieces, thanks!

...if i remember correctly... the "great sand ocean" is called as such because things just sink into it, right? (hmm... wonder how many crashed ships sank into the sand ocean...) hence the boat-like vehicles that are used to cross it. as we can see, the bad lads gang uses what look like windsurfers. and yet wheeled vehicles seem to fare just fine...?!

we never see what the test is. huh... i'm reminded of the promised neverland all of a sudden

nicholas gets selected and the bell rings... can i point something out? the bell's presence in scenes... what the bell represents... it has the EoM logo on it. well, so does the building. but notably, we see the bell in the scene with livio and wolfwood on the roof at night and also in the scene of them cuddling which i posted above. they're bonding and they love each other but the eye of michael is quite literally looming over them... and over the orphanage as a whole...

i've already talked about this in my bookclub posts but i want to talk about the orphanage's relationship with EoM again. it's literally run by them... there's NO cover story here, they're CLEARLY suspicious as hell. in the manga, chapel came by himself to pick wolfwood up and the cover story was that they would be repairing churches, right? and everyone genuinely believed he was going off to live a better life. here it's just. a bunch of guys in suits and masks. obviously suspicious. they run the place, so i guess there's no need for a cover story...? but iirc in the manga EoM was also using the orphanage as a "source" for soldiers, right? like i think chapel says something like that, doesn't he? am i misremembering?

i have so many questions. there's no confetti. what does that mean. this is a lot more lowkey than wolfwood's departure in the manga. no cheering, no invitation to come back/saying this is always his home, just... polite waves. and melanie looks... unhappy. how much does she know? how much of a choice does she have here? ...huh. i'm reminded of the promised neverland again.

what does this mean for... y'know. The Scene. like. the confetti is important. the kids loving nicholas so much and cheering while saying goodbye is important. why did orange take those out what are they planning what does it MEAN!!!!

wolfwood is "test subject HL1-06" and i have no idea what that means and we can't determine from this how many kids came before him either.

wolfwood vial count: 3

hi sweetieeeee i love youuuuuu i love youuuuuu

see this gets the gears turning in my head regarding the timeline again. legato says this, and we see some flashforwards (i guess in this context that's what they are) to wolfwood killing people, including the guy from the beginning of this episode and monev from the last episode... (over which legato calls him a loser, lol?! even though that's very much not the reason why wolfwood killed him, and we know it) so how long was wolfwood working for EoM before he was given the job to "babysit" vash?

i already talked about this in one of my bookclub posts but there's the change in livio's motivations, too... he's chasing after wolfwood... as opposed to (razlo) wanting to be needed... what does it mean. man, i really hope orange doesn't do razlo dirty whenever he shows up for real.

THIS CLEARLY ISN'T STRINGS. WHY IS LEGATO'S POWER DIFFERENT IN EVERY VERSION OF TRIGUN I SWEAR TO GOD like it's telekinesis, right?! what does this mean for legato?! and his backstory?! strings are so fitting for him thematically, so i don't know what they could be planning here!!

kouki uchiyama will see a guy with blue hair covering one eye and say "is anyone gonna voice him" and not wait for an answer (and then fight akira ishida over it)

CONRAD I'M GOING TO THROTTLE YOU. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR EXPERIMENTS ARE DOING HUH. HUH!!!!

HGORHGHGHG.GHG. AHGHGGG.HGH.

thinking about the previous episode and eating rocks

livio hears wolfwood's name and that's when he opens his eyes and kicks vash off him... i initially thought maybe he just took the opportunity because vash was distracted, but he was distracted by the military guys right before this, so...?!

say that to knives and see what happens. also hello pretty boy you are so pretty i love you i'm blowing you kisses mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah

whenever legato talks about his confusion over fraternal love i can't help but remember nightow's comment about him maybe having a younger sister. which is interesting to think about but has never been relevant for any version of legato ever... buuuut... with orange's attention to detail, hmmm, who knows...

also i'm obsessed with legato driving hands-free and I AM ONCE AGAIN ASKING HOW HIS POWERS WORK IN THIS VERSION.

*wipes brow* let's end it there i wrote too much. i know i'll have a lot to say about the next episode too. they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming

[mercymermaid]

well here's my full season 5 (nezha edition) rant bc what did i just watch

obvious spoilers 💀

what the fuck was that

blah blah animation, blah blah main character sacrifice, wowee

first off, the mechs?? yeah, i know it's just product placement, and i've never actually liked the concept. in a world of mythology and magic, something to technological belongs in a sci-fi movie, not among gods. and in season 5 especially, they feel *so* out of place. the only people who end up actually using their mech are nezha (twice) and mei (once.) i can't be mad at mei, since yeah it's just one time to have an epic moment and goes away after that, but it's nezha that i'm mad about. that standoff at the festival? okay, product placement, epic moment, never brought up again. but then during the battle thing against the chaos guy??? he's the *only one* using a mech and it ticks me off. i wanna see the third lotus prince not the third lotuce mech!! i wanna see him being all badass with his staff and firewheels (like sealing off the jade emperor's power in s4)

i'm gonna be so honest, i only watched the season (and show) for nezha, as i tend to do to medias when i have a top unbeatable absolute favorite. and the show did not deliver.

tldr; nezha had so much potential and all of it went right down the drain

speaking of the power

so you're telling me that mr. "my job is super duper important and more important than my life" would take lightly to his dad going "lmao no" and just taking his seal and reinforcing it with his little magic house?

OH. THE LI JING SITUATION.

"i've always been proud of you" NO YOU HAVE NOT??? YOU HATED NEZHA SO MUCH YOU BURNT DOWN HIS TEMPLE AND LITERALLY YOU GUYS HAVE A BURNING HATRED TOWARDS EACH OTHER?????

i wanted a fucking fight scene SO BAD. SO FUCKING BAD. but noooOOOOOO you're DEFENDING YOUR BITCH DAD??? okay, i get it, power imbalance or something! give nezha a *reason* to be so buddy buddy with his dad, because he sure as hell wouldn't do it without one!!

that ties in to the whole pagoda thing, how fucking hurtful must it be for your dad, who you are far from on good terms with, to pop in, take the power you've put on your shoulders, deem you not good enough ("you got demoted!"), and push you around?? very! very very!

you do not understand what i would've done, what war crimes i would've committed in order for nezha to get some focus on HIM. specifically angst. with the shit that he went through in s3, being nerfed and having his long-term position as guardian of the map pulled out from right under him by his little friendly rival, and then *s4*, getting his ass absolutely kicked by the shit that went down with azure, being the most injured and put under the giant strain of containing the jade emperor's power, you're not gonna elaborate and give him some depth besides "big brother energy but distant and super 'regal'"?? (btw if you've ever EVER written nezha angst (or even some nezha-centric stuff in general) on ao3 i've probably read it and oh my god i love you so much for gifting it to the world, and if you read this far recs are always appreciated 😭)

actually on that note, mk is the one constantly making trauma jokes, and while i get that he's the main character, everyone's gone through shit. s5 at least kind of works with that, with mei's samadhi fire thing and wukong/macaque's death memory thing, along with pigsy's insecurity moment and sandy's little "i'm very very angry but i control myself" spiel, but like come on ☹️ (not a ruse to get nezha some angsty focus wdym)

ALSO mk breaking the seal? yk how in s4 we had that little thing where their eyes flashed and they felt the jade emperor die? i was lowkey expecting a little similar shot of nezha feeling his seal on the power break but no we needed the emotional moment 😒

i was so excited in the festival scene for nezha to go "yeah, okay, i see you", fight against his father, and join the MCG, but nooooOoo he gets sent to the celestial realm to not be seen until the end of the world

OH SPEAKING OF not nezha but red son??? what happened to the poor guy i feel so bad for red son enjoyers because he had ONE EPISODE of screen time. that's worse than us nezha fans. that little bit about the dog videos meaning help us could've so been used later, he literally joked about how this time he was invited and just. didn't show up?? there could've been such a sick moment of mei sending the dog video, and red son seeing it and coming in and being all badass with them but no he was just literally not featured again except for the 'world is ending/being saved' flash shots. (unrelated but please i want canon big brother nezha lil bro red son content those guys are Iconic)

ANYWAY it's coming to an end now, and boy oh boy

basically i have futile, naive hopes for s6 - please, PLEASE give nezha focus that lasts longer than 1-2 scenes. it literally does not have to be angsty, nor big brother energy, not even a badass moment!! just make it mechless and put the camera on *him*, and i will die a happy woman. (another badass moment, in which he wins for once, would make me cry for joy. a big brother, to literally anybody, specifically red son or mk, would make shake and snarl like a feral animal. an angsty moment would make me force the world to be puppies and rainbows. a nezha episode would make me implode and take the world with it.)

bring back li jing and do it *right*. make nezha bring up their horrible past, and at that point, i'd even settle for a corny talk-it-out session with wise words and an issue that gets resolved way too quickly, though an epic fight scene would be preferable. angst not optional, because you can't tell me that interaction would end without tears and breakdowns on nezha's end. (at this point, i'll write it myself)

LET NEZHA WIN. i do not care what he fights, who he fights, when he fights, why he fights, how he fights, let him actually cop a win for once. this fearsome general who was entrusted with guarding the samadhi map, is a protector deity, and managed to singlehandedly contain the jade emperor's power has never won a single fight within his show screen time?? bull fucking shit i tell you. stop treating this guy who carried the end of s4 like some shit side character who never gets his way, and start treating the guy right.

can you tell i'm mad about this

also ACTUAL s5 thing, not gonna lie, mk's decision is stupid. nüwa is trying to protect her creations like a good mighty goddess, and you go "erm actually me some random guy who you created to save the world and was about to do so is gonna undo all of your work and decide to make my own path and simultaneously create a massive crisis where i not only flip normal on its ass and give everyone magic but also potentially unleash the same cosmis horror you're protecting us from"

i'm kinda curious about this new magic tho... (pls have a negative effect or some sort of effect) (pls let nezha win)

yeah okay i think that's it if you've stuck around to the end here's a selection of desserts because you need it after the crash of the season ending 🍮🍭🍬🍫🥧🧁🍰🍪🎂🍩🍨🍧🍦🥠🍡🥮🍥

[mochiwrites]

hiii!!! im not even anon posting today ur getting my real account

i LOVEEEE your scarian fic (and like an arrow, you broke me down) like u don’t understand. i read it pretty much in one sitting and it made me SO UNBELIEVABLY SICK.

u write grian and scars dynamic PERFECTLY!!! you dont have them fall into the protecter/baby 🥺archetypes a lot of hurt/comfort fics seem to dub them as. they’re both people with their own issues and they both help and rely one one another LIKE RELATIONSHIPS USUALLY DO!!!!! its perfect i love it so much i cannot wait until the next chapter drops 🩷🩷

grian falling in love with scar in every universe makes me so sick😭😭

^ speaking of which, if its not spoilers, are you ever gonna explore the conflicts that come with grian falling in love with both LL and TL scar?? cuz oh boy… the angst…….. if u need any ideas hmu dawg i can yap ab all the thoughts this fic gave me

anyway tldr I LOVE UR WRITING WHAAHAHSH IM EATING THAT SHIT UPPPPP

UWAHHHH THANKIE 🥹💕💕💕 it’s a very beloved fic to me and I enjoy writing it so much — it also drives me absolutely INSANE while writing it (for. Obvious reasons LMAO)

but ueueueue ty!!! I try to specifically avoid the whole “protector/baby” thing because that just isn’t them… and they’ve both got their own issues going on and ;A; they gotta lean on each otherrrr (something grian will learn Soon) and hehe I just started chapter 18 today :3c

grian falling in love with scar in every world is just so,,,, ;w; and it’s the same with scar as well. it ties back to a theme I’ve got threaded through the fic that’ll make itself known very soon hehe :3

in response to your question though !!! there is an angle that I do want to look at with 3l!grian and ll!scar having feelings. it’s certainly inevitable but other than that I’m not too sure !! I haven’t mapped out much of their romance yet considering uh. Everything. but I’m not sure how angsty I’ll really get with their romance since I’ve set it up with the idea that no matter the universe, scar is scar and grian is grian. it’s still them

but hehehe thankie!!!! 🥺

[vinc3nnt]

The many things I have to babble about: Furina de Fontaine

this is dumb, idiotic even, I've written this all by my mind, I did not stay at a single topic specifically, and ZERO professional thinking sooo plus this has rarepairs n silly shit at the end

FURINA DE FONTAINE ! (random rambling incoming)

why furina and fontaine is the best (satire??? idk but I just really like fontaine as a whole)

FIRST OF ALL.

right before sumeru archon quest, fontaine is the absolute BEST. Inazuma kinda just felt like.. filler idk. sumeru is a LORE DROP??? but for me it just felt like a chore to do, and PAINFUL if you don't have the teleport waypoints unlocked??? i mean like so is fontaine but it isn't THAT big

but like, I'm really lazy when it comes to quests so mqybe its just a me thing??? but ever since fontaine released and I saw furina. (and the twins ig) I FELL IN LOVE. MONDSTATD? NONEXISTENT. WIPED OFF THE MAP. VENTI? HATED. /j i dont use him anyway (not that i got more motivation to do the archon quest anyway, i dont even think ive finished the fortress of meropide part LMAO)

(furina gives so nb since they came out it's crazy?? even the jp va thought furina was a boy im pretty sure??)

I don't even know bro I've loved her so much ever since she was shown in the start of fontaine's archon quest like not evne romantically its purely platonic like??? they're so my fav????

all of my new favorites in genshin are literally fontanians like,, LYNEY?? NAVIA??? AND FREMINET??? ALSO INCLUDING WRIOTHESLEY???? DAMN!!! I need to see more clorinde though

notice how furina stands out from majority of female genshin characters all sticking to/ "workaholic/ overworked girl that is nice and sweet but other than that other parts of their backstories are not elaborated on" idk like???? i dont nknow how to describe them but they are EVERYWHERE.

I am furina, furina is me

rarepairs/shipping dynamics?? !! (w/ furina, obviously smh) :

silly royal furina !! act to impress :3 (x gn reader material ?? where both are royals, but furina always acts their best in front of reader and whenever reader is amazed by furina, the silly feels like they're on cloud nine AUGHSG)

komirina/furikomi : but as ariel and that prince guy???? princey-princess furina??? (stars/sun, when she feels down in the dumps and gloomy, the other always goes to lighten their mood or smth hehehfhjfs)

furiyaka/ayarina : BUT THEM SILLIES !!! can also be a mermaid x princess au too :3 (also as the 1st part !!) sparring partners too (moon/sun?? strangely enough, ermm )

(not fatui scaramouche, it js depends what you like to call him) scararina/wanrina : i dont know they're just silly together (i dont know what kinda dynamic they'd have, maybe smth like komirina w star/sun ??, they were js both my fav characters ig !!) they're like quiet kid x theater kid/JJ

MORE about wanrina this one is random but like... they're kinda opposites??? wanderer wasn't human, but he wanted to feel human, likr... and.. focalors loved furina for her humanity (unlike ei LMAOO) now that he learns about what it's like to feel human, but just spending time w her makes him feel special ykw like,, IDK ????? they're just pretty characters (PLUS !!! light hair x dark hair) (satosugu referenc??????)

and I, thank you