#i don’t even know myself

[pixlokita]

Love your new pfp lol

THANK YOU!! 💖🎃💥✨ Halloween season is upon us, happy Halloween choco✨✨✨💖🎃🎃🎃

[prapo237]

Oblivious volume 5 Seigi

[ninjago-x-lmk]

Before I start making the cover art for ‘Ninjago Reborn AU’

Here’s that Quanish x FSM animation.

Yeah, even I don’t know how me and my sister came up with the ship.

Btw credits to my sister, she’s the one that made this.

[bodega-catto]

Gonna buy a pathetic little treat like the pathetic silly guy I am because if I don’t I’ll genuinely go psychotic

[floofysmallbob]

I worked so fucking hard, so fucking hard, and I’m stuck behind everyone again.

I’ve always been so far ahead, I’ve always prided myself on being the best, that’s my whole fucking value, that’s all I fucking am. Other than that, I just make my whole personality being being a retarded ass faggot. I have no character, I just make dirty jokes and hate myself, and that’s all I ever do. I’ve always thought I was an artist, but now I can’t even make the simplest things, the things I was best at look like they do in my head, or even decent. I got rejected from art school, I can barely finish a single piece, and haven’t for months. I’ve prided myself on being the smartest my whole life. I started reading chapter books at 4, I was always gifted, I was always a grade ahead in reading and math, I had to skip a grade when I transferred schools and they didn’t have the same acceleration program because it was so frustratingly easy, I had to prove so many fucking times that I belonged in the class that they didn’t put me in, I got all As while being suicidal and depressed, I would cry when I got 94s, because I had to be smart, because that’s all I know I am.

I had to take a month off of school due to mental health, and it felt like I failed. I felt horrid when I ended that year with a B in math, I felt like I didn’t deserve the class that I had pushed to be put in. I got kicked out of school last year, and the homeschool program just felt like they were ridiculing me, underestimating me, putting me down. It felt terrible, it made me feel the way I did when I had to skip a grade, when I left my one friend at that school behind and had to deal with being made fun of behind my back, just so I could take classes that were my level. I may have finished that homeschool program with As, but I felt undeserving, unworthy, and useless.

And then my friend texts me, my friend who has always said they were in higher level math courses despite not doing so in school, and says that my old school, the one I was kicked out of because the teachers were ableist pieces of shit, has changed up their math program, that they’re now in a math curriculum I haven’t done yet. My friend who has always been in classes below me.

And they told me our mutual friend, the one I’ve always felt inferior to, the one who has never had her grades drop below a 90, who is so incredibly smart and works so hard despite being there on financial aid, is now two grades ahead of where I am, which is already 1-2(depends on the school) years ahead of average. That our mutual friend has to take an optional course because if she didn’t, she wouldn’t have a math class for senior year.

Because despite my efforts, despite being younger than everyone in my grade, despite all of my dumb fucking irrelevant struggles, I’m still being surpassed. By people that I thought I could compete with, that I thought I could be on the same level as. But I’ve been stuck at home since November, I haven’t seen any of my friends in months, I’m lagging behind now because of how shitty that homeschool program was, and I’m afraid I’m just going to get kicked out of another school, because my mental health is terrible and people talked behind my back(and right in front of me), and one of my only good qualities is disappearing, because I can’t do basic addition or remember anything, let alone do duel fucking enrollment.

What the hell was I thinking, planning to take a French III class at the community college this year, and try and do math with people two grades my senior, and try to keep my friendships when everyone is either changing schools of moving and my old school has just gotten worse and I can’t trust anyone and I have to TALK TO FUCKING INTERNET BASTARDS BECAUSE I CANT TELL ANYTHING TO THE PEOPLE I’M SUPPOSED TO BE CLOSE WITH and I can’t cry or scream because I stopped being able to a while back, and I can’t even trust my own feelings or this fucking tumblr rant because of hormones, and menstrual cycles, and being a teenager, and I can’t do anything because it just feels neon orange and I don’t even want to kill myself anymore and I wish I did because then I would at least have something to blame and hope for but if I don’t want to die I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to be stuck like this and I can’t

I can’t be stuck here with terrible mental health and silent tearless sobbing and people who are leaving me and surpassing me and a lack of being able to do anything and feeling horrible and terrible and like I’m about to start convulsing and stuck with a sibling that screams and a dad who has to have his teenage child clean his apartment and a retarded brain that just hates me and I can’t

and I’m stuck on my device all the time because I can’t do anything else and and d jchejxihdjskndnxnannsnc dna dnd andand how is it that I’m such a mess and I can’t do anything and it feels like my heart is trying to escape my body and maybe I wish it would and nothing had to be like this and I could have been better and I could have dont better and I know I need to be better because how the hell did I end up here having to spill all my worst thoughts onto a screen and everything is bricked up and it’s that color too and it just feels like something is knocking against that wall so hard and I wish it would just fall over already but it won’t and it won’t just fall and I just won’t fucking die and I want to want to die and I’m just some incompetent little shit and I don’t know anything about myself and I’m just trying to grab fucking attention because I’m desperate just like I’m desperate for validation and I’m desperate to be the best because I need to be the best, I need to be the best at something, just one thing. And I tried to go to the climbing gym because that used to be my thing, too, I was a climber, I was good at it, and I used to be good at gymnastics, too, when I was little, and now being smart is becoming the ‘used to’ and my younger sibling is doing all those things now and doing them so much better than I ever did and now I’ve just got reading, and I’m just barely holding on to that feeling of intelligence and now I don’t think I could beat a 5th grader in an academic competition and I’m just losing everything and I can’t fucking deal with it and I’m overreacting and I’m being dramatic and this isn’t real just like how I’m probably lying about everything else too and I’m doubting the words I’m writing right now and I can’t.

I’ve said it so many times when people try to tell me to just do but I can’t

I can’t

[stuckinapril]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

[ducktracy]

there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love

[ewwww-what]

Just watched boys night. Will never be normal again.

[tsuchinokoroyale]

Happy new years… let’s stay hydrated together ✨

[cable-salamder]

Mad that they removed seemingly every trace of Misako do you know how badly I want to see her interact with Arin so they can bond over being spinjitsu-doers without elemental powers. Off to make five billion hcs now goodbye

[iamthemaestro]

what is it about the secret history that makes you unable to do or consume or think about anything that’s not the secret history. you would think it would wear off after reading it four times but it doesn’t. I need to eat it or something. they put drugs in that book I think

[haunteddollgender]

Let’s hear some noise for femme lesbians who are kind of guys

For those of us who have short hair, facial hair, body hair, who use he/him pronouns, who want to be handsome more than beautiful, who are overtly gnc, pls affirm our masculinity too.

Just as some butches find their femininity in their masculinity, some femmes find our masculinity in our femininity. And we desire it.

Like I’m a femme dyke who often dates butch dykes. And I’m also a transmasc person who often dates other transmasc ppl, those being the butch dykes. The amount of lesbians who are just kind of gay boys is rly insane. Go to a lesbian bar and i promise you a bunch of those women are twinks and bears.

And don’t make assumptions about that either, because in basically all my past relationships, I’ve been the bear

Celebrating lesbian visibility week means acknowledging transmasc/multigendered lesbians. Even if we don’t fit your idea of what a transmasc/multigendered person looks like

[cuttyflammm]

these outfits man, I am so back

[corrodedparadox]

Also hi take these

[st-hedge]

It wasn’t on my 2024 bingo card that I’d draw V again. Anyway I’ll go ahead ramble in the tags

[stuckinapril]

Being a perfectionist is actually the worst thing to have happened to me because why am I chronically all or nothing about everything in my life