#i don’t even listen to tai

[spirallingstarcases]

sorry but tai… was so right when they said that i’m not in love and that this isn’t your song and also i’m not gonna waste these words about a girl

[weldnas]

-

[springtyme]

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐀𝐢𝐧'𝐭 𝐍𝐨 𝐄𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐲 𝐇𝐨𝐦𝐞 ♡

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏: 𝐈'𝐦 𝐆𝐥𝐚𝐝 𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐘𝐨𝐮

Spencer Reid x f!reader || Series masterlist || Series playlist

Main masterlist || can also be read on ao3 || Next chapter

summary: After having worked for the BAU for two years, you have seen and experienced a lot, but after a series of murders of young married couples, you’re asked to do something that you never had thought you would have to do; going undercover, as an expecting, married couple, with Spencer Reid.

word count: 5.8k

warnings/tags: Eventual smut! (18+, mdni!) Undercover as a married couple. Pretend pregnancy. Language. Drinking. Angst and fluff. Slow burn. Mutual pining. Coworkers to lovers. Not set at a specific time, but definitely somewhere in the early seasons. Reader uses she/her pronouns. Mention of canon-typical violence.

The table is a bit sticky, and the music could be better, but the drinks are decent and you’re just so happy to finally be out with your friends after what feels like forever. Your job is demanding, and being an FBI agent in the Behavioral Analysis Unit means that your work-life balance is almost non-existent. But tonight, you don’t want to think about the gruesome crime scenes or the long hours spent profiling and investigating violent crimes, all you want to do is have a good time and catch up with your friends. And finally having an occasion to dress up and feel cute isn’t bad either.  

Closing your glossed lips around the straw of your Strawberry Daiquiri, you take a long sip and let the sweet, icy drink cool your throat as you sit back in your chair, listening to the lively chatter of your friends. Michaela and Piper are going back and forth about some new movie that you haven’t had the time to watch yet, and you and Janelle, who is sitting across from you, are laughing at their antics as you listen to their debate with half an ear, but you focus shifts as Janelle gently nudge your shin under the table.

“That guy is totally checking you out,” Janelle says with a playful raise of her eyebrow, gesturing towards the bar with her eyes, as she takes a sip of her Mai Tai, while Michaela and Piper continue their discussion about whether the final plot twist of the movie was too predictable or an actual  genius twist.

You can’t help but let out a tired giggle and roll your eyes as you follow Janelle’s gaze, glancing over to the bar and catch the eye of a man who is indeed looking in your direction, but you quickly turn back towards your friend again. “I thought we had decided to just focus on having a girls’ night out tonight, no boys allowed?” you say, giving her a knowing look. She shrugs her shoulders and smiles jestingly.

“You can still appreciate the view, even if you’re not looking to buy,” she teases, taking another sip of her drink. You shake your head, laughing at her antics, but you can’t help but look over in the direction of the guy at the bar again. He catches your eye and flashes you a charming smile. He is cute, sure, but not cute enough for you to want to do anything about it. 

But to be fair, he could be the cutest guy in all of  D. C. and you probably still wouldn’t do anything about it. You don’t really have the time or energy for dating right now and you are not really currently in the mood for meaningless sex with a stranger either. 

Your job consumes so much of your life already, and you’re content with just focusing on your career, or at least that’s what you tell yourself. Sure, it would be nice to have someone to share your life with, but what you’ve learned over the last few years is that most guys don’t understand the demands and emotional toll of your job. They either can’t handle the long hours, and all the time you have to spend on cases, or the gruesome details of your work, or they simply can’t comprehend the darkness that you have to face on a daily basis. And so, you’ve built up walls to protect yourself, to shield yourself from potential heartbreak or disappointment.

“You sure it’s not you who he’s checking out?” you ask, trying to shift the focus of the conversation away from your lack of interest in dating. Janelle laughs and shakes her head. 

“No, I think he’s definitely into you,” she says, nudging you playfully. 

“Well, I’m not interested, so he is all yours, Nell,” you reply, taking another sip of your drink as you give her a playful wink. Janelle just laughs and shakes her head.

“Nah, I’m good. I’m just here to have a good time with my girlies,” she says, raising her glass in a toast, making Machaela and Piper forget their never-ending debate and cheerfully join in. 

Just as you’re about to raise your glass and join in the toast, your phone buzzes in your purse, interrupting the moment. You reach into your bag and pull out your phone, seeing Hotch’s familiar number flash across the tiny screen. 

“Sorry, I have to take this,” you say with a sigh, standing up from the table giving your friends an apologetic smile. Your friends nod understandingly, knowing that your job always comes first as you excuse yourself from the table and head to a quieter corner of the bar to take the call. You feel a wave of exhaustion wash over you, knowing that your night out with your friends is about to be cut short. 

“Yeah?” you answer, putting the phone to your ear, not bothering with any formalities as you know that Hotch is going straight to the point when he calls you outside of office hours.

“Sorry to interrupt your Friday night, but we’ve got a new case, high priority,” Hotch’s voice comes through the line, his tone serious and professional, but you can also hear the tired edge in his voice. It can’t be easy being the Unit Chief and always having to be on call, but you respect him for his dedication to the job. “I’m afraid I need you and the team back at the office ASAP.” 

“I’ll be there as soon as possible,” you say, already mentally preparing yourself to switch back into work mode.

“Great, thank you, agent,” Hotch says, and you can hear the gratitude in his voice before he hangs up. You can only imagine how shitty it must feel to have to call in your team on a Friday night only a few hours after everyone has left the office. But that’s the nature of the job, and you have accepted it a long time ago, even though it means sacrificing your personal life and plans at a moment’s notice. 

With a deep breath you take a moment to collect yourself, trying to shake off the disappointment of having to leave your friends behind. As you head back to the table to break the news to your friends, you can’t help but feel a pang of guilt for having to leave them hanging. They all look up at you expectantly, sensing the change in your demeanor. “I’m sorry guys, I have to go. Work…” you trail off, your voice apologetic, you hate having to disappoint them.

Michaela and Piper exchange sympathetic looks, while Janelle just nods understandingly. “It’s okay, we understand,” Janelle says, giving you a reassuring smile. 

“I’m sorry I have to cut the night short,” you say, feeling the weight of disappointment settling in your chest. 

“Hey, your job’s important, we’ll catch up another time,” Michaela says, standing up to give you a supportive hug. “And we are really proud of you, just so you know,” she adds, giving you a reassuring smile as she pulls back from the hug.

Suddenly you almost feel like you could cry. You spend so much time burying your emotions and focusing on the job that it almost feels overwhelming to be reminded that you have people outside of work who love and care about you. “Thank you, Kay,” you say, smiling back at her. You hug the others and say your goodbyes, before you quickly gather your things and prepare to head out and find a cab. 

· · · · ·

Spencer is abruptly pulled out of his slumber by the sound of his phone ringing. The book he had been reading sprawled open in his lap. The softness of the armchair and the long week of work finally caught up to him, and he must have dozed off. He blinks groggily as he fumbles to grab his phone. He squints at the screen, momentarily disoriented from being woken up so suddenly. Seeing it’s a call from Hotch, he quickly answers, his voice still thick with sleep.

“Hello?” Spencer mumbles, trying his hardest to sound awake and alert despite his groggy state.

“Reid, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but we have a new case, high priority. I need you and the others back at the office ASAP, we will have a briefing as soon as you’re all here,” Hotch’s voice comes through the line, terse and serious, but also tinged with exhaustion. 

Spencer’s heart sinks at the news, knowing that his plans of spending a quiet Friday night at home, recovering after a hard work week is now dashed, but he quickly pushes the book aside, already mentally preparing himself to switch into work mode.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” he replies, removing his glasses that he had swapped his contacts out for earlier in the evening. Rubbing his eyes and sitting up straight, the sense of urgency now kicking in.

“Thank you, Reid,” Hotch says before ending the call, leaving Spencer to gather his things and head out to Quantico without delay.

As he makes his way out of his apartment and towards his car, he can’t help but feel a sense of disappointment at having his night disrupted once again by work. He had really been looking forward to a quiet night in, and finally enjoy a break. 

Spencer watches the city lights pass by in a blur as he begins to make his way out of D. C., the reality of his job sinking in once again. He knows that as a part of the BAU, his work is never truly done. The cases are always waiting, the criminals are always out there, and the demands of his job are always pressing. And while he loves what he does and finds fulfillment in helping to catch the most dangerous offenders, and having his mind challenged, there are days when he longs for a sense of normalcy, for a break from the darkness that seems to follow him everywhere he goes.

With a deep breath, he steels himself for the long night of driving and work ahead, knowing that he may not see his bed again for a while. 

· · · · ·

As you arrive back to Quantico, you rush into the FBI building, quickly making it through the security check. The heels of your stilettos click loudly against the floor as you hastily make your way to the conference room. The short, tight dress that had made you feel so confident just a few hours ago now makes you feel exposed and vulnerable as you walk through the sterile hallways of the building. 

You try to pull down the short hemline of your dress, as you push open the heavy door to the conference room, but it doesn’t change the fact that most of your thighs are on display and that your tits are almost spilling out of the low-cut neckline. It is so rare that you get the opportunity to dress up and feel sexy, so you might have gone a little overboard with your choice of outfit for a simple girls night, or at least that is how you feel now as you’re about to walk into a room full of your colleagues, who aren’t that used to see this side of you, and are about to hear about the details of a violent crime case.

As you step into the room, you see that Derek and Spencer are already sitting at the big round table, waiting for the rest of the team to show up, Hotch is probably in his office getting more details for the briefing before the entire team is here. They turn their heads in your direction as you enter, and you can feel their eyes lingering a moment longer than necessary, seemingly surprised to see you in such attire.

“Damn, princess, you clean up well,” Derek says with a smirk, giving you a once-over. “You had a hot date tonight or something?” 

You roll your eyes at his comment, knowing that he always loves to tease you about your personal life. “Wouldn’t you like to know, Morgan,” you reply with a raised brown and a playful smile, taking a seat at the table and crossing your legs and adjusting your dress as you sit down. 

“Of course, I would like to know, that’s why I asked,” Derek chuckles, leaning back in his chair. “You come in here looking like that, and you expect us not to ask questions? I just need to know, is he more handsome than me, should I be worried?” he teases, earning another playful eye roll from you.

“Can’t a girl just want to look good for a change, without it having to be for a man?” you shoot back.

“What do you mean, for a change? You always look good,” Derek counters with a charming smile, before he turns to Spencer, who has been awfully quiet this entire time. “Isn’t that right, pretty boy?”

Spencer looks up at Derek and then at you, a faint blush rising to his pale cheeks. His hair is slightly tousled and he is wearing his glasses, making him look even more adorable than usual. You don’t know if it is wrong of you to think of your colleague as adorable, he is a grown man and exceptionally capable of his job, you respect him a lot, but you just can’t help but find Spencer extremely endearing. 

“You don’t have to answer that, Spence,” you quickly interject, not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable. You know that Spencer can be a bit awkward when it comes to social interactions and you don’t want Derek’s teasing to make him feel even more self-conscious.

You and Spencer have become good friends over the two years that have passed since you joined the BAU team, you and him are the youngest agents in the unit. You have always admired Spencer’s brilliant mind and his ability to remember almost everything he reads as well as his sweet, quirky personality. You have a mutual respect for each other’s intelligence and dedication to the job. You have also noticed the way he sometimes gets lost in his thoughts or stumbles over his words when he’s nervous, and you have always tried to support him and make him feel comfortable in social situations.

But despite being friends and good colleagues, there’s also always been a slightly awkward tension between you and Spencer, at least on your end, it’s not like it’s there all the time, but you do feel it from time to time. You are not even sure where it comes from or why it’s there, but there’s something about Spencer that can make you feel slightly flustered and unsure of yourself, if you ever stop to think about it. It’s probably just because you admire him so much and don’t want to embarrass yourself in front of someone you respect so deeply.

“No, it’s okay,” Spencer says, his usual rambling tone coming through as he speaks. “You do look very nice, tonight. Wait, no, I mean, Morgan is right you always look nice, but you also look real nice tonight,” he stammers, stumbling over his words as he tries to explain himself. 

You can’t help but smile at his adorable awkwardness, grateful that Derek’s teasing didn’t faze him too much. “Thank you, Spence,” you say, giving him a kind smile and reaching out to pat his arm reassuringly, hoping to ease his discomfort. “I appreciate it.”

“Oh, so when it is him you appreciate it, I see how it is,” Derek jokes, earning a playful shove from you. 

“Shut up, Morgan, you know that I love you,” you say with a laugh, playfully rolling your eyes at him, which makes him laugh, but you don’t get to continue your banter as the rest of the team starts to filter in, Hotch enters the room with a stack of case files in hand, his usual stoic expression in place as he takes his seat at the head of the table to begin the briefing. 

“Thank you all for coming with such short notice,” Hotch starts, his voice authoritative and commanding. “We have a new case that just came in and it’s classified as high priority. A series of brutal murders have been reported in Northern California. Local police have finally reached out to us for assistance after multiple cases after two new victims were found earlier in the day. They have all been double murders, with the assumption that the victims have been stalked for a while beforehand, and are then killed in a very specific and violent manner. All have been young married couples, all under thirty, and in all of the cases, the female victim has been between five and nine months pregnant.”

As Hotch continues to outline the details of the case, you can feel the weight of the seriousness of the situation settle in the room. You are usually able to compartmentalize your emotions and focus on the task at hand, but the thought of innocent lives being taken in such a violent manner always hits a nerve and you feel a chill run down your spine as Hotch describes the details of the case, the gravity of the situation sinking in. This is a disturbing and horrific case, one that hits close to home for you as a woman. 

As Hotch finishes the briefing he turns to Spencer. “Reid, I would like to have a word with you in my office. The rest of you, start looking into the evidence and see if we can find any leads or patterns that may help us track down the unsub.”

You watch as Spencer nods in acknowledgment, it’s clear that he is a bit confused about being called into Hotch’s office alone, as he follows Hotch out of the room, leaving you and the rest of the team to start digging into the case files and evidence.

· · · · ·

“Please take a seat,” Hotch says as he gestures towards the chair in front of his desk, as Spencer follows him into his office. Spencer feels slightly anxious as he takes a seat, his eyes searching Hotch’s face for any clues as to why he’s been called into his office while Hotch takes his seat behind the desk. Hotch clears his throat before speaking, his tone serious and professional. “I have something to ask you to do, and it’s not a small thing,” Hotch begins, his eyes fixed on Spencer. “I need you to think carefully before you answer.” 

Spencer can feel how his heart starts to race, his mind already trying to anticipate what Hotch is about to ask him. “What is it?” he asks, his voice steady despite his growing nerves. Hotch takes a moment to gather his thoughts before he speaks again. 

“I’ve spoken with the local authorities in California, as well as our own expert and with the circumstances of the case and lack of leads, we have decided that the best way to proceed is to send in two undercover agents that fits the profile of the victims, and I want to ask you to be one of those agents.” 

Spencer’s eyes widen in surprise, his mind racing with the implications of such a task. Going undercover in a case like this would be incredibly risky, not to mention emotionally taxing and it is not something he has much expertise in.

“I understand that this is a big ask, but you fit the profile of the victims and your ability to think on your feet and adapt in high-pressure situations makes you the best candidate for this job,”  Hotch explains, his eyes searching Spencer’s face for any sign of hesitation.

Spencer takes a moment to process Hotch’s words. He can see the logic in Hotch’s reasoning with the specific details of the case and the lack of leads; it might be the best way to proceed, and Spencer knows that it is only done when absolutely necessary. “And you’re sure I’m the best agent for the job, I don’t have much experience with undercover work,” Spencer says, keeping his voice as steady as he can while feeling the uncertainty within himself. 

“You’re more than capable, Reid. Your intelligence and quick thinking are your strongest assets, and we have full confidence in your abilities. I would never ask this of you if I was not fully convinced that you are fit for this job. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I also know that you have it in you to handle it,” Hotch reassures him, his tone firm and unwavering. 

Spencer nods, taking a deep breath as he processes the weight of the task that has been given to him. This is a very serious assignment, one he knows is crucial to solving the case and bringing justice to the victims. “If you believe I can do it, then I’ll do it,” Spencer says finally, his voice resolute. 

Hotch nods, a sense of relief crossing his features. “Thank you, Reid. This means a lot to the case, and I know you will do a great job,” he says, his voice showing his appreciation. 

Spencer reciprocates the nod, feeling a surge of determination coursing through him. It’s a lot to take in, and it takes his usually so fast thinking mind a second to realize that he won’t be going undercover alone. “Who will be the other agent going undercover with me?” Spencer asks, wanting to know who he will be partnering with.

“I have someone in mind, but I want to make sure that she is on board before we move forward.” 

“Is it, Y/L/N?” Spencer can’t help but ask, his mind already considering the possibilities of who he is going to work undercover with, and you are the person in the unit that would fit the profile of the victim the best. He really hopes it’s gonna be you, even though a part of him also doesn’t want you to be put in a potentially dangerous position. Spencer knows that your skills and intelligence would complement his own in such a high-stakes situation. And most importantly he just really likes being around you. You are always so kind to him and you never fail to make him feel included and supported. 

Hotch nods. “Yes, she fits the profile as well and I believe that she has the expertise for this kind of operation. I will speak with her and see if she is willing to take on this assignment. I trust that the two of you will work well together on this case and you seem to get along well, and that’ll be important in this case. I’ll have to be sure that the agents I’m sending in can deliver a believable performance.”

And that is when it really dawns on Spencer, the two of you are not just going into a dangerous situation together, you will also have to pretend to be a couple, a young married couple expecting a child. He had been so caught up in the seriousness of the assignment and the potential risks involved that he hadn’t even considered that part of going undercover with you. 

The thought of pretending to be a married couple with you, even if it’s just for the sake of the operation, sends a wave of feelings and thoughts through him, too many at once for him to fully process. Sure, it’s all part of the job, but the idea of being so close to you and having to maintain that facade is a challenge he’s not sure he’s fully prepared for. The idea of playing the role of your husband, even if it’s just for work, is both exhilarating and absolutely terrifying at the same time. 

But as Spencer looks into Hotch’s eyes, he sees the trust and confidence that his boss has in him, and he knows that he can’t back down now. He has a job to do, and he will do it to the best of his abilities, alongside you. 

· · · · ·

After Hotch and Spencer left the conference room, you and the other agents moved back to your desks to go through the evidence and case files. You are now wrapped in the cardigan that usually hangs from the back of your desk chair and you feel a little more office appropriate. 

“Damn, this is a tough one,” Derek says, shaking his head as he scans through the crime scene photos. “The level of violence in these murders is just brutal.” 

You nod in agreement as you flip through your own stack of evidence, looking up from the file in your hand as Spencer and Hotch emerge from Hotch’s office, Spencer walking down the stairs to join the team, but Hotch stays back, his expression serious and you get a little surprised when he addresses you.

“Can I have a word with you in my office?” Hotch says, his tone somber before he steps back into his office. 

You can’t help but feel a sense of urgency as you put down the file in your hand and get up from your desk. You pass Spencer at the foot of the stairs, his eyes flicking down to meet yours. “Everything okay?” you ask, a hint of concern in your voice. Spencer nods, but there is something in his eyes you can’t quite read. 

“Yeah, uh… yeah, Hotch will explain,” he says, his voice slightly tense, and a slight crease is formed between his brows  but the look in his brown eyes are soft as they meet yours. 

“Okay,” you whisper, giving him a small smile, before  you quickly step up the stairs, or at least as quickly as you can in your five inch heels. You feel a small knot of anxiety starting to form in your stomach as you step into the office, wondering what this is about.

The door clicks shut behind you, and you feel the weight of Hotch’s gaze on you as you stand in front of his desk. “Please, sit down,” Hotch says, his tone grave as he gestures towards the chair in front of him. You take a seat, feeling a sense of unease settling in your stomach.

Hotch’s expression is unreadable as he looks at you, and for a moment, you can’t help but wonder what all of this is about.

“I have a very big thing to ask from you, agent, and I want you to know that I’m asking this of you because I trust you can handle it. It’s a request, but the choice is fully up to you,” Hotch starts, his voice steady but filled with seriousness. “Due to the lack of leads and the nature of these murders, we have come to the decision to send in two undercover agents who fit the profile of the victims to try and draw out the unsub, and I would like to ask you to be one of those agents. Agent Reid has already agreed to take on the assignment, the two of you match the victim profiles, and I truly believe that with your skills and expertise, you would be the perfect choice for this task.” 

You lean back in your chair as you let Hotch’s words sink in. So this is why Hotch wanted to talk with Spencer. Going undercover on a case as gruesome and high stakes as this is not something to take lightly, but with the circumstances of the case and the lack of current leads you can see the logic in it. It’s a risky move, but you know that sometimes risky moves are necessary in order to catch the unsub and bring justice to the victims. 

“I know that this is a very big thing for me to ask of you, and I want you to know that I fully understand if you have any reservations or concerns,” Hotch continues, his tone earnest. “But I also believe that you have what it takes to handle this assignment, and your dedication to the job is unparalleled. I wouldn’t ask this of you if I wasn’t convinced that you could handle it.” 

“I understand the gravity of this assignment, Hotch,” you say, your voice calm and steady, wanting to reassure him that you are aware of the importance of the task at hand. “I am aware of the risks involved, and if you think I’m the right person for the job, then I’ll do it.” 

Hotch nods, his features softening. “Thank you, agent. I know this is a lot to ask, but I have full confidence in your abilities and I truly believe that you and Reid will be able to handle this assignment with the utmost professionalism.” 

You nod in acknowledgment, a surge of determination coursing through you by your decision. You also can’t help but feel a sense of relief wash over you at the fact that Spencer will be the person going undercover with you. You trust him implicitly and that makes you feel a sense of ease.

“I will arrange for a briefing with you and Agent Reid to go over the details of the assignment. You’ll also have to go through a training course while we set up a location for the undercover operation, and you will of course be given your undercover identities. I’ll inform the rest of the team about the assignment,” Hotch’s words are firm and decisive, and you can see the weight of responsibility in his expression. “But you better get home and get some rest. You have a long and intense process ahead of you, agent,” he adds, a softer tone creeping into his voice.

“Copy that,” you reply as you stand up from your chair. Soon you’re back down in the bullpen, standing at your desk as you gather your belongings and start to make your way out of the office. Just as you’re about to close your purse, you catch Spencer’s eye from where he’s standing over at his own desk, and as you give him a tired smile, which he mirrors, you swing your purse over your shoulder and walk over to his desk. 

“So, Hotch asked you?” Spencer says as you approach him, his brown eyes meeting yours. You nod, the weight of the assignment settling in as you face each other. 

“Yeah, he did. Looks like we’re partners in this one,” you reply, smiling at him once again.

Spencer nods, a small smile of his own tugging at the corners of his lips. You both stand there for a short moment, the weight of the assignment hanging heavily between you, before Spencer breaks the silence. “Do you need me to walk you to your car? I know the parking lot is just outside and that we have security, but still.”

You feel a wave of gratitude wash over you for his offer, and you can see the concern in his eyes as he looks at you, but that is also when you remember that you didn’t drive here yourself.

“Thank you, that’s really sweet of you,” you say, feeling touched by his concern. “But I actually didn’t drive here tonight, I took a cab.”

“You took a cab all the way from D. C.?!”

You laugh at his surprised expression. “Yeah, I was out, I didn’t have my car and I also had had a few drinks.”

“You should have called me, I could have picked you up and we could have driven together,” he says, his tone filled with genuine concern. You can’t help but smile at his thoughtfulness.

“I appreciate that, Spence. Maybe next time,” you say, giving him a grateful smile. You know that Spencer is always willing to go above and beyond to help his friends and colleagues, and you can’t help but feel extra lucky to have him as a partner in this assignment. 

“Well, you have a ride back home now,” he says, offering you a gentle smile.

“That’s nice,” you reply, with a bright smile, feeling very grateful for his offer. You had expected to get a lift from one of your colleagues when you drove out here, it would be difficult, if not impossible, to get hold of a cab this late out here, but it feels really nice that you didn’t even have to ask for one. 

“Of course,” Spencer replies, his smile growing wider. Soon the two of you are stepping out of the FBI building and are met with the brisk night air, your feet are hurting and the cool air makes goosebumps rise on your skin. But almost before you get to register it, Spencer has removed his jacket and offers it to you. “You must be cold,” he says, giving you a kind look. You try to protest, but he insists, draping the jacket over your shoulders.

“Thanks,” you mumble, not feeling like protesting further as soon as the warm feeling of the jacket engulfs you. 

Once you reach his car, he opens the door for you and you slide into the passenger seat, feeling a sense of gratitude for his kindness. “You want this back?” you ask, removing the jacket from your shoulder. You don’t really feel ready to give up the warm garment, but you also don’t want to assume that he offered it for more than just the walk to the car. 

Spencer shakes his head as he settles into the driver’s seat and you watch him start the engine. “No, you just keep it.” You smile happily as you toe off your shoes and curl up in the seat draping the jacket over your bare legs, feeling like it is enveloping you in a comfortable cocoon of warmth and safety as Spencer starts the car and begins the drive back towards D. C.

The landscape passes by in a blur outside the window as the two of you drive in comfortable silence, the both of you seemingly getting lost in your own thoughts for a little while. The weight of the assignment in front of you settles heavily between you.

“I’m really grateful that you’re going to be my partner on this assignment,” Spencer breaks the silence eventually, his voice soft but filled with sincerity. 

“Me too,” you reply, turning to look at him, a small smile tugging at your lips. 

Another comfortable stretch of silence fills the car as you continue on your way back to the city. Despite trying to fight it, your eyes start to feel immensely heavy. Fatigue from a long day and the weight of the impending assignment finally catching up to you, and with the gentle lull of the car you never really stood a chance and soon you are starting to doze off, slowly sliding into the sweet embrace of sleep as you sink deeper into the soft car seat.

Thank you for reading! Reblogs and comments are always greatly appreciated :) let me know if you want to be tagged in the next chapter ♡ edit: it would especially be nice if you reblog when you ask to be added to the tag list ♡

Taglist: @luivisa @babyspiderling @reidsdaisies @eddioto @sadroses98 @lovelyygirl8

[hazelfoureyes]

would Alastor have sex with a girl on her period? I feel like he’d like it cuz the blood but I wanted to ask the expert ❤️❤️

EXPERT?! Look what you did!

Hazel imagines….

Alastor would see your fidgeting, the way you crossed your legs and squirmed in your seat while listening to people talk around you.

He’d catch you in the hall, twirling his microphone staff, “Why the pout?”

You’d frown, “It’s personal, Alastor.”

“Ah so it’s related to your menstruation.” He said it too casually, you stopped so quickly he nearly fell forward when he stopped too. Alastor read your face, “Smell, dear. I’ve got quite an impressive nose.”

Mortified, “Everyone can smell me?”

He shrugged leaning against his staff, “Who knows? I didn’t care to ask.”

Your eyes looked to the left and down, “That almost makes it worse.”

“As much as I love guessing games,” his eyeroll said he did not in fact love guessing games, “care to clue me in to what we’re talking about?”

“It’s per-,” you couldn’t finish.

“A broken record is no fun, darling.” He closed the distance between you, “I can smell many things. So why not be forthright with it, hmm?” His head cocked to the side, a flash of his threatening radio dial eyes beaming down at you.

“My partner wont touch me, but I’m when I’m on my period I get so -,”

“Aroused.”

His blunt reply with that high toned accent was a punch to your gut, “Yeah. I already feel like shit and they wont even let me in bed with them.” Your chin quivered, emotions sensitive.

Alastor lifted your downcast face with the rounded back of his microphone, tutting, “Has the hotel run out of towels?”

You shook your head, confused.

“No more hot water?”

Another shake.

“Well I don’t see the problem then.” His face leaned down, back curving to lower to your much shorter height, “I’ve never shied away from getting a little bloody.”

༻Masterlist༺

I think if he was down to fuck for whatever reasons he had, the embarrassment reader had of their period would just enhance his enjoyment. If they weren’t embarrassed, he’d still not be offended by the sight and smell of blood, quite nostalgic if nothing else. 👀

∰ Summoning the Horny Little Deer Cult (general tag list):

@cxrsedwxrlds , @nonetheartist , @tsunaki , @janchei , @wettiny-in-smutland , @moonmark98 , @hoebihoeshi , @pansexual-opera-house , @polytheatrix , @lorddiabigmommymilkers , @backinthefkingbuildingagain , @harley2223-blog , @coffee-colored-hopeless-romantic , @poinappel , @midnightnoiserose , @spookieroz , @missmidorima , @ivebeenthearchersstuff , @downbadforfictionalppl , @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx , @sleepylittledemon , @aether-th3-enby , @dontfuckbutimfab , @breathlessaura , @aperfectidiot , @certainlygay , @jth12 , @star-kujo-platinum ,

@ivebeenthearchersstuffn, @rubyninja1 , @simphornies , @alleystore , @readergirlstuff , @berry-demon , @chirimeimei , @fairyv-ice , @olive-frog , @thonethatflies620 , @tiredkiwiii , @ilikemyteawithmilk , @whateverlololo , @psipies , @howabouticallyou , @roxxie-wolf , @ive-no-idea-what-to-call-this , @fizzled-phoenix , @fjorjestertealeaf , @phobophobular , @surusurusuru , @mariaclarade-la-cruz1 , @whateverlololo , @simplyonehellofanotaku , @xixflower , @i-am-nonbinary-bean-deal-with-it , @roxxie-wolf , @a-case-of-attachment , @multifandomfanatic02 , @watereddownmilk , @raynerrold , @crazii-saber-wolf , @valkyrie-expeditions , @bontensbabygirl , @sillyb0nez , @oo0lady-mad0oo , @jazzmasternot , @pseudobun , @fraugwinska✨, @alitaar , @straows , @alastorssimp , @angelicwillows , @b-o-n-e-daddy , @one-and-only-tay , @asleeponelmstreet , @tremendoushearttaco , @mutifandomkid , @sapphirecaelis , @itzzzkiramylove  @saccharine-nectarine , @viannasthings

@looking1016 , @ultimate-duck-king-lucifer , @blakeaha , @astraechos , @sailorsmouth /

[katiesbowlcut]

YELLOW JACKETS HEADCANONS | them being jealous

summary: they notice you getting a little too close to another one of the girls, this is how i think they would react to the feelings and emotions that would tag along with it

pairings: nat, misty, taissa, shauna, vanessa, lottie x afab wlw reader

format: headcanons

warning: jealousy, swearing?, suggestive ig

lowercase intended! not proofread! y/n used!

natalie

- stops speaking to you

- starts going hunting without you

- when you would hunt together she’d ignore you

- gets mad if you talk abt whoever she’s jealous over

- you’ll eventually ask her while you’re out why she’s being so weird with you

- she shouts at you

- you shout back

- “what so you’re mad you’re not the only person i talk to???”

- “no i’m mad because i’m not your fucking person!”

- your argument turns into a love confession on her part

- she starts crying

- she gets really embarrassed and runs back to the cabin

misty

- would be BEYOND upset

- she’d think that she had done something wrong

- overthinking it way too much

- was she not good enough for you? even after everything she’s done for you?

- would go a little crazy ngl

- she would confront them and basically interrogate them

- would ask things like “what are your intentions with them?” and stuff like that

- coincidentally after that she wouldn’t see them near you anymore

- i’m fact they’d always make sure they are as far away as possible from either of you

- you literally have no idea what happened you just assumed you two just drifted

- yayyy misty wins again!!

taissa

- she’s been watching you from afar ever since you joined the team

- she’s scared to be openly gay, would people resent her? would they even care the she likes women?

- she’s actually been making an effort to talk to you as much as she can

- whenever shauna was the one giving out the cards for the chores that day she’d beg her to make sure she saved her the closest one to you

- however when you start spending a lot of your time with van, everything changes

- van is openly gay, just like you are

- is it offensive of her to assume you’re dating just because you’re both gay?

- whenever she would speak to you she’d ask about van

- “we’re just friends tai, i swear”

- “sure you are” she’d laugh it off as if she wasn’t genuinely trying to figure out what was going on between you two

- one day tai is out getting water and when she turns around to head back you’re just standing there

- you very quickly explain that you have feelings for her and that’s why you’ve been with van so much because you’ve been trying to figure out how to deal with them

- she drops the bucket of water and pulls you in for a quick yet passionate kiss

- “take it you feel the same?”

shauna

- she’d be so jealous

- my god you better watch your back

- she’s so scary

- the glares she’d give you both when you’re talking? lethal.

- the things she’d write about the person she’s jealous over in her journal? vile.

- she would be really quiet and weird around you

- it would make you very uncomfortable

- one day she puts her journal away and doesn’t balance it properly on the wooden beam

- it falls sometime after she’s left the attic and you just so happen to stumble across it while searching for her

- you stare down in shock at the cruel things she’s been writing about someone who was only considered a friend to you

- you are that into the journal that you don’t hear someone coming up the ladder

- shauna sees what you’re doing and charges at you, snatching her journal from your grasp

- she shouts at you for reading her journal

- you honestly don’t really listen, too busy admiring how hot she is when she’s mad

- you eventually can’t hold yourself back and pull her in by her hips as close to you as possible

- you share a lust filled, rough kiss

- god you’ve wanted that for so long

van

- she’s not really a crazily jealous person

- she’s a hell of a lot more chilled out than the rest of the girls

- but when you start ditching sneaking out of the cabin with her to sit and read under the covers with misty? oh boy things change

- she’s never felt like this before, she could feel it in her chest how furious it made her to see you with someone else

- she would make sooo many sarcastic jokes about you both

- “they’re probably off snogging misty somewhere”

- you’d overhear one of her jokes to the girls and actually get pretty upset

- at some point later that night you’d drag her outside to explain the way her comments made you feel to her

- she feels terrible

- it was never her intention to upset you

- she admits her jealously got the better of her

- you have a very heartfelt conversation about the way you’ve both been feeling recently

- obviously a love confession

- let’s just say you walk back into the cabin holding hands, everyone pitching in an “ooo la la” or a whislte

lottie

- we all know my girl got some problems

- lottie is very protective of you

- always wanting you by her side

- so when she starts to notice that instead of attaching to her side, you’re attaching to nats, she goes a little crazy

- she’d honestly say some bullshit about how the wilderness wants you to stay with her at all times

- “lottie, you can’t be serious right now”

- “y/n i can’t ignore my visions”

- “we wouldn’t want to upset the wilderness now, would we?”

- at that you fold and agree to stop spending so much time with nat, even if you know it’s just lottie trying to act like it doesn’t bother her that you’ve been giving someone other than her attention

- nat is just in disbelief that her strategy to get you back worked

a/n: hope you liked this, this is my first ever time writing fanfic so don’t judge pls! lmk what you’d want next :)

[celtic-crossbow]

Whumptober 2023

No. 2: Thermometer

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Fem!reader

Setting: Alexandria Era

Warnings: Illness

“Tay wid meh.”

“Stop talkin’.” 

You threw him your best pout. Well, the best one you could manage with the stupid thermometer jammed under your tongue. Regardless, he ignored it. You sniffled, grabbed a tissue, and watched Daryl move about the room. When the twice-damned thing finally beeped, the archer somehow appeared right in front of you to snatch it up before you could even lift a hand. 

“100.6. Doc says ya gotta be below 100 ‘fore ya can get outta bed.” He reminded you while he walked into the bathroom to put the thing away. “Won’t be gone long. Just checkin’ the snares an’ tryin’ for somethin’ bigger than a rabbit. Few hours at the most. Carol’ll be over to check up on ya.”

You sniffled again and blew your nose. “Can’t you just stay here?” Daryl sat on the edge of the bed to tie his boots. Your perfect time to strike. Crawling your aching body toward him, you pressed yourself against his back, arms winding underneath his for your fingers to clasp over his chest. “Please? I’m sick. I need you.”

“You’re gonna be fine. Go to sleep an’ I’ll be back when ya wake up.” His hand patted the back of yours and gave it a squeeze. Large fingers pulled your hands apart, chapped lips pressing a kiss to one palm. You let your arms fall but only until he stood. You latched on around his middle and buried your overwarm face into his stomach. “Y/N.”

“I’m vulnerable, Dixon. Weak and frail.” The muscles in his abdomen moved against you when he scoffed. “I can’t defend myself like this.”

“I’ve seen ya put down a dozen walkers with a bum leg an’ broke arm. I don’t reckon a cold is gonna stop ya.” You coughed into his shirt, an act he found both disgusting and endearing. The archer ran a hand over your hair and stepped back but not before grabbing your shoulders so you wouldn’t topple forward. “Dog can stay here.”

You finally slumped, defeated. “I guess.” You knew you were being a child but you felt horrible and being alone was not something you were looking forward to one bit. The pillow seemed so far away but you managed to drag yourself back to it, patting the bed with a weak call for your resident canine. Dog wasted no time making himself at home on Daryl’s pillow. 

“Ah, c’mon, Dog.”

“Nope!” You held up a hand without moving your face from its fluffy perch. “If you’re leaving, I get to cuddle the dog in your stead.”

“Fine.” The bowman chuckled, grabbing his vest and pack. “Be back ‘fore ya know it.” He waited but was met with silence. “Y/N?” He took a step toward the bed, listening intently. When a soft snore and incoherent murmur reached his ears, one side of his mouth twitched up. Grabbing the doorknob on his way out, he spared one last look at the lump under the blankets and shook his head fondly. “Silly girl.”

[jinkiezzsstuff]

I absolutely loved the Emily and Charlie ideas you wrote so I was hoping to request another Charlie x male reader with some smut (but not the main focus). Idea being everyone going out for an evening with Charlie staying at the hotel to work, secretly wanting some company but telling everyone to have fun anyway. Reader didn't go out and found her later in the evening (maybe can tell how she's feeling) so offers some company/someone to cuddle. The main smut I'd like to include would be her leaving some scratch or kiss marks and her being quite touchy/hands on.

I’m so glad you enjoyed the others teehee i tried my best with this so i hope you enjoy it but im not too happy with how it turned out tbh, idk why, i guess it could be because i didn’t feel like during the smut scenes i did charlie justice, lmk what you think.

Charlie x male!reader

After Party

warnings: creampie, biting, scratching, kinda rushed smut, angsty charlie, possibly ooc charlie but i can’t tell, charlie n vaggie are friends, im not sure if there’s anything else, oh swearing, NOT PROOFREAD beware of errors.

word count: 2K

Charlie was tired. Between her father disbelieving in her, Alastor picking a fight with him, the failed meeting with Adam, and finding out Vaggie was an angel? She was over and exhausted. She tried to keep up her mood but she just couldn’t stop the spiralling thought process of handling everything on her own. It seemed like every step forward she had to take four steps back, nobody believed or respected her.

“Cmon, we needa little par-tay.” Angel whined pushing himself over the back of the couch dramatically. Charlie hummed, barely listening as the crowd of sinners lingered in the little living room-like area. “We don’t need anymore fuckin parties, spider.” Husk muttered before taking a big swig of his drink. “I don’t know, I think a little bit of recreational activity could really brighten the spirits!” Alastor exclaimed, and as much as Charlie would like to join the fun, if she didn’t finish up the work she had she knew it would only stress her out further, but she knew the others worked hard too and deserved a little treat.

Reaching into her pocket she pulled out some cash and beckoned over Alastor. “Here, why don’t you take everyone out to relax?” She said softly, despite her desire for company and hope that one of the few would stay back to assist. “Aren’tcha comin’ toots?” Angel who jumped up the moment Charlie pulled out money asked, putting one of his hands on her shoulder. “Oh no, i’ve got sooo much to do here, you guys go on without me! Bond a little!” She smiled as brightly as she could, although anyone with a keen eye could tell it was forced. In the back of her mind she was hoping for more punch back, more of her friends to beg her to come out with them, but instead they shrugged her off and left rather quickly.

Sighing Charlie rung her hands together and walked up the stairs slowly, vacant and alone, the hotel now seemed so eerie. She made her way to an office one that had been used by the whole team she had, so herself, Vaggie and Alastor. She plopped herself lazily on the ripped leather office chair, air slowly escaping the cheap foam as she did. Charlie couldn’t help the bitter feelings stirring around in her; she was always happy to help her friends and wanted them to have fun and relax, she just wished maybe they cared a little more about her? It was a confusing sensation, she knew Vaggie cared, but at times she felt more like a personal body guard rather than friend, and Alastor, she knew deep down, didn’t actually care.

Opening her phone she decided to try and ease her mind before sorting out the paperwork she had piling, unfortunately the universe wasn’t kind to her. Opening Sinstagram the first sight she was greeted with was Angels varying posts and stories which included all the crew members piled into a booth enjoying their drink of choice. It made a scorned yucky feeling of jealousy tangle within her stomach. Groaning she pulled open a drawer and stuck her phone in it, slamming it shut after. “It’s better to just work.” The princess mumble pulling the first stack of papers near her; the billing’s for their failed comercial.

After an hour of word Charlie sat back in her seat and messaged her sore neck. Pulling her phone from the drawer she checked the time. 23:48. Having no idea when the others would get back, she shuffled from the office to the second story balcony for some air. “Oh sorry I didn’t know you were here!” Charlie exclaimed, seeing you leant over the balcony railing. Looking over your shoulder you gave the little devil a warm smile. “You can join.” You say beckoning her forward, with a sigh and a forced smile Charlie came up alongside you, mimicking your stance. “What’re you still doing here?” Charlie questioned eyeing you from her peripheral. Your brow quirked and your face turned to confusion, with a quick hum you replied. “Just relaxing..?” The statement came out uncertain and wobbly, but you weren’t quite sure what she meant.

“No, i mean why didn’t you go out with the others?” Your head tilted back as you let out an ‘ah’, now understanding what she meant. “I just, well, this is the only time i get free yknow, always gotta be doing something so it’s nice to be alone, but i also want to have fun with them, but that drains me yknow?” Charlie quickly nodded her head at that completely understanding where you were coming from. “Yeah i know what you mean. I wish somebody stayed back with me.” Nudging yourself lightly into her, she met your eyes with curiosity floating in her own. “Well I stayed back, why don’t we relax together?” You suggest warmly, smiling fondly down at her. Charlie momentarily stuttered, blushing at the way her mind wandered to naughty places.

“Ahem, uh, sure! Yes! Let’s do that!” The princess fumbled, pushing herself away from your hold. You could tell she was flustered as she walked off leading you to whatever part of the hotel she’d choose to relax in, you felt a little voice in the back of your head egging you on to tease her, and who were you to deny your great mind. “Alrighty this it my room! Uhhh, why don’t we watch a movie or something..?” Charlie trailed off leading you into her bedroom.

You took a quick look around enjoying the aesthetic her room held. Charlie kicked her shoes off and pulled her jacket from her shoulders. “You can lounge on the bed if you want, i totally don’t mind!” You grinned and got onto the bed, watching as she frantically ran around “Calm down hun, you look real stressed.” You urged her frantic pacing causing loose hairs to tangle and fly out from her ponytail. “Ugh, i know!” Sighing she finally plopped on the bed beside you and laid back hands folded on her stomach and eyes closed. Leaning over slightly to look down on her, you observed her somewhat relaxed face as you watched her slow her breathing down. Assumably trying to cease the slow crawling panic that was clawing at her. “It may be a little forward but I heard compression and hugs can help stress, you wanna cuddle or some shit?” Your voice came out slightly tight a little unsure of how to go about the request. Charlie’s eyes fluttered opened and blinked toward you, after a moment of silent contemplation Charlie sighed happily opening her arms. With a huff and a smile you scooted down, wrapping your arms around her while laying beside her.

She scooted up into your side, her right hand sliding up your chest and around your shoulder. It sent shivers down your spine, and blood straight to your dick, embarrassingly so. Ignoring the sensation, your hand gently traced shapes into Charlie’s side where your arm was placed. Charlie’s head slowly lifted and shifted from the bed to your chest, tucking herself under your chin. Her hair tickled at your nose and chin, you could smell her shampoo and the perfume she’d used. You tightened your grip subtly, enjoying the warmth she let off, and with a hum she swung one of her legs over your hips, twisting her body entirely against you.

You took a deep breath attempting to calm your heart and the tightening sensation in your pants. Like the devil spawn she is, Charlie began tracing your chest, flattening her palm against your chest and trailing down from your neck, to the hem of your jeans, and back up to your neck again. Taking a deep breath you brought your hand up to you with her hair in attempts to distract you.

“Thanks for this.” She mumbled nuzzling her face further into your chest. You hummed eyes lazily dancing around shapes your eyes made up on the canopy above. “Any time.” You replied after a moment. The two of you laid there silently, softly the two of you let your hands drift across eachother innocently. It wasn’t until charlie’s hand ducted under your shirt to touch your bare chest that the air in the room got thick and heated. Breath hitching you zeroed in on her claws softly scratching down your chest. “Charlie,” You warned as her claw nicked the waistband of your jeans. Charlie knew good and well what she was doing, could you blame her? You’ve always been so attentive to her feelings and emotional state, the first to check on her after a stressful situation and give her the best advice you could.

With sudden need shooting through Charlie she straddled your waist bracing herself against your chest. Your hands reflexively went to her hips, eyes shooting up to meet her own attempting to figure out what the hell she was doing. She traced her claws down your tshirt covered chest, and when she made it to the bottom her hands wiggled underneath the fabric to paw at your warm skin. As she did you traced circles on her hips, and quirked a questioning brow at her. “Whatcha up to princess?” Charlie smiled shyly, trying to hide her face in her shoulder. “I just want to repay you for your kindness towards me.”

Your face twisted with worry, abruptly you sat up, making her gasp and tucked your hands behind her back to keep her from falling. “I don’t want you to feel like you owe me,” You quickly say, however Charlie pushed you back down, shushing you as she did. “It’s more then just that, i think you know they though. Let’s relax, desttress.” With that being said, you tossed aside your tshirt while Charlie eagerly undid your pants, hands shaking as she did. Your hands decided not to diddly saddle and undo her pants simultaneously, needing to feel her speedily.

You were already achingly hard, precum dripping down your shaft as Charlie shakily gripped you giving your head a soft squeeze. Pulling her hand away Charlie kicked off the pants that clung underneath her knees, and readied herself against you. You hummed out in pleasure relaxing into the mattress as she sunk down onto you, above you Charlie whimpered and squeezed her eyes shut, clenching onto every vein and ridge. It was delectable, she couldn’t understand why she’d never gone for this before. Bottoming out, Charlie’s legs shook, her body would involuntarily convulse every now and again as she attempted to adjust to the size of you. Falling forward unable to keep herself up she sunk her nails into your chest making you groan deeply, bucking your hips up into hers.

Nuzzling herself into your neck as you took the reigns, thrusting up into her at a steady pace, she began to leave teeth marks and hickies along your neck, desperate moans broken out between nips and bites. Your arms encased her pulling her near as you roughly fucked up into her at a brutal pace, her juices dripping down you. Erotic, loud slapping noises were all that you could hear in the room accompanied by Charlie’s whimpers and please. “Fuckkk, yknow how long i’ve waited for this? They don’t know what their missing not staying around someone like you.” You say splaying your fingers through her hair as you do, at this point Charlie’s body laid limp atop your own, your knees up and angled to continue your rapid pace.

“Please,” Charlie begged clenching tightly around you, you huffed out a moan that you attempted to cover and slid your hands down to squeeze her ass. Groaning loudly, you pushed her over, still inside you hovered over her, pulling her legs up over your shoulders to gain new access. With this angle you were able to hit different areas making Charlie squeal. “Oh fuck Charlie,” You groaned as your balls slapped against her ass, finally you felt the band snapping and slowly you filled her with cum, pumping all of what you had inside her. Charlie cried out clenching, and convulsing against you. She tried to inch away screaming your name loudly as she road out her high against you. When the two of you had finished, catching your breaths, you laid beside her, pulling her into your chest.

She rolled her head from one side to face you, her eyes glazed over barely seeming like she was there. “Didja mean what you said about wanting this for so long?” You nodded at her, the softness in her voice was music to your ears and made goosebumps crawl against your skin. “Yeah, since i got here, you’ve had my eye.” Humming softly the princess said nothing, but buried her head in your chest.

[possibilistfanfiction]

anything surgeons au, especially butch!bea omg

[an accidental 2.7k words of baby tai for the culture]

//

you don’t ask for beatrice to consult on the case just because the baby really does look like her in a tangible way: brown eyes that shine in the sun; gold skin; soft dark hair; a happy smile. tai — an orphan, which you also don’t prioritize when you ask her, but whatever — is small for her three months and quite sick, a bad valve in her tiny heart doing more damage than good. 

it’s a difficult surgery, complicated and intricate and, even though you’re the best in your field, a hardcore rockstar, you’re not a cardio surgeon. you ask beatrice to consult on the case because, even if you’d never admit it aloud in front of her, she is the best in the world.

‘dr. villaumbrosia,’ beatrice says, meeting you outside the picu. she’s not operating today, you’re fairly certain, or at least hasn’t yet, based on her neat navy slacks and oatmeal-colored sweater under her white coat, chelsea boots certainly not what she would wear in the OR, her buzzed hair not hidden under one of her surgical caps, her wedding band still on her finger rather than tucked away, pinned to the inside of her scrubs. you’ve known her for years and years, have watched her fail and succeed and succeed and succeed, have watched her fall in love and get married, have watched her build a home, a life — which includes you, in all the ways that matter, in the ways you will very rarely thank each other for and feel anyway. 

but still, ‘dr. choi,’ you say, ‘thanks for coming.’

she nods. ‘it sounded like an interesting case from your summary.’ she takes the ipad you offer her and looks at the scans of tai’s heart, then her vitals, then the scans again, a little closer and with something like wonder filling her eyes, just at the corners but enough for you to feel a spark of hope in your chest. she looks up at you. ‘we can do this, i think.’

‘yeah?’

‘it’ll be —‘ she pauses, nods to reassure both of you, sets her shoulders, and you know that’s it — ‘it’ll be difficult, but it’s not impossible.’

‘agreed.’

‘can i meet her, then? the patient? i’d like to get an idea of how small this heart actually is.’ 

‘of course.’ you open the door and it’s just like any other consult; beatrice is always brave enough to partner up on any peds cases, even the most heartbreaking, the most hopeless. 

tai smiles at beatrice, who is always good with children the same way you are: you talk to them like human beings, and you listen, and you take things seriously — their pain and their fear and their recovery. tai is too little to tell you anything, but beatrice still leans toward her gently and smiles at her babbling, runs a gentle hand over her soft hair, makes sure to warm the head of her stethoscope up on her thigh before pressing it to tai’s chest. 

there’s no way for you to realize it at the time, but you will swear for years that you knew, even before beatrice and certainly before ava, that tai was special; beatrice closes her eyes and listens to tai’s failing heart carefully. ‘i’ll need an updated echo,’ she tells you and your intern, standing uselessly behind you. ‘and then, if you’re free afterward, dr. villambrosia, let’s meet in the skills lab? i’d like to run through the procedure.’

‘that works for me.’

she nods once, seriously. ‘no parents?’

you shake your head. ‘she’s here through my org, from chengdu.’

beatrice considers this briefly but soldiers on, like she and ava haven’t had quiet, sad fights about children and adoption and a family and a home. ‘if you feel comfortable, i can hand off my follow-ups this afternoon to dr. amunet and we can get this taken care of. it’ll be a long recovery, so i’d rather it not degrade any further if we wait.’

‘as long as the run-through feels good,’ you say, ‘i think it’s the best course of treatment.’

beatrice nods, smiles once down at tai and rubs her little chest while tai squirms and babbles happily. for such a sick kid — on oxygen and a feeding tube, two ivs because her veins are so small — she’s generally happy, bright in a way that peds usually isn’t. she’s not guaranteed to survive so, like all of your patients, you don’t get too attached. beatrice hasn’t had that problem before, either, caring but not too much, unlike ava, who feels each loss as if it’s his own. but the way that beatrice lingers and lets tai hold onto her fingers while she tells your intern exactly what she wants from the ekg and bloodwork — you think this might be different. 

/

it’s touch and go for a while: you and beatrice are brilliant surgeons but, even with all of the tests and scans and practice, tai’s surgery is longer and more difficult than you could’ve prepared for: her heart is weak and so, so small; even beatrice struggles to place the careful, clever sutures you’ve watched her throw with ease, most surgeries, and for years. it takes longer than you would’ve liked to get her off bypass, much longer than you would’ve liked for her heart to start beating again in beatrice’s hands. 

but: it does beat. weak and small, yes, but sure, and steady, and even, all the valves and ventricles ready to heal as they should be. tai’s cheeks, once she’s settled in the picu again, are rosy, her skin warm, her oxygen sats already up comfortably from before. you’d wired her sternum shut and the incision running down her tiny chest will leave a scar, and she’ll probably need another procedure or two as she gets older — but she will get older, as far as you can tell. 

beatrice goes through — a little unexpected for the aftermath of a successful surgery, and far beyond the end of her relatively easy scheduled shift — all of the potential complications tai could face, how she was without a flow of properly oxygenated blood to her brain for an amount of time that frustrated her — maybe even frightened her. for as long as you’ve known beatrice — dr. choi — through undergrad and medical school, then residency and fellowships, into your first few years as attendings, she’s as unflappable as they come, unless it’s someone she loves who might be hurt, who might not get well. you’ve seen it with ava and her back, and shannon and mary after a car accident that looked much worse than it actually was, and even one time camila got the flu. 

it surprises you in the moment when beatrice, carefully taking off her scrub cap — patterned with little otters and rainbows, a ridiculous gift from ava that beatrice horrifically wears with not a single ounce of hesitation or embarrassment — slips into her hospital-issued fleece quarterzip and sits down in the chair by tai’s bassinet once you and the nurses get all of her machines situated. 

‘i’ll stay with her, dr. villaumbrosia,’ beatrice says, soft and formal.

‘there’s plenty of nurses, and dr. amunet, if you want to go home.’

beatrice shakes her head and leans over tai’s sleeping form, heavily sedated for the next few days so she’s not in pain, and runs a gentle finger along her cheek. ‘she — she doesn’t have anyone,’ she says, as much explanation as you need. ‘plus, dr. silva is on call tonight anyway.’

you resist the urge to say something mean about ava; he’s actually very talented and smart and he makes your best friend, your sister, very happy, and very full — even if he is the most annoying person you know. tai is alone, and all beatrice has to go home to, right now, is a beautiful house that’s empty of all of the life ava brings anywhere, leftovers in the fridge, a house that you know has an empty bedroom just down the hall from the primary, holding a lot of ava’s patient, quiet hope in the space.

‘okay,’ you say, not bothering her, just this once: tai is very small and still very sick; you’ve read enough studies to know that comfort, especially with babies who haven’t known as much of it as they should, can be extremely monumental in their ability to heal. ‘i’m sure you can handle if anything pops up, but i’d like to know anyway. text me.’

beatrice looks up from tai to nod, a grim smile on her face mellowed, seemingly, by tai’s steady breaths against beatrice’s palm. ‘will do.’

you nod and don’t bother to ask for anything else from her, taking your leave while she takes her glasses off and rubs her eyes, then slumps a little in the chair but keeps her hand on tai’s stomach, soothing and warm and present. tai has been alone her entire life, even if it’s only been very short; you believe that her body will know that she’s not anymore, at least for now.

/

it’s not often that you choose to come to work early, not often that you allow yourself to have much attachment to patients and their outcomes beyond whether or not you practiced the best medicine possible — no one would be able to do peds and neonatal surgery if they did — but you park far before the sun comes up and force yourself to grab three cups of coffee from the cafe before you head to the picu.

it doesn’t surprise you when you see both beatrice and ava by tai’s bassinet now, beatrice fast asleep, slumped over fully on ava’s shoulder, and ava scrolling through an ipad, probably taking care of charting here rather than in her office. ava smiles up at you, never deterred by your grumbling or eye rolls, and, just this once, you smile back.

‘dr. silva,’ you greet. ‘how’s she doing?’ you ask, handing him the coffee.

‘totally steady all night,’ ava says quietly, sounding far too proud of a baby that isn’t even really beatrice’s patient, let alone theirs. ‘she’s really strong, even if she’s small.’

you look over tai’s vitals from the past night quickly and it’s true, she is getting better even faster than you could’ve hoped. ‘she is.’

ava smiles, then looks over at a fast asleep beatrice, a little aching. ’bea said she’s an orphan?’

you sit down next to them both and nod; you assume beatrice gave ava enough of the details. ‘we’ll work to place her with a good family once she’s recovered well.’ the warning is unspoken: don’t get too attached.

ava looks over at beatrice, who has spent the entire night asleep in the picu over a baby whose heart she massaged until it beat again in her hands. he nods. ‘yeah,’ he says, hopeful despite it all. ‘yeah.’

/

‘i — i can do it.’

‘dr. choi.’

‘no,’ beatrice says, ‘it’s fine. i’m on call tonight, and it’s good for her.’

it is, you both know it, but tai is healing and, if all goes according to plan, will be released in a week or two, hopefully to a family who’s equipped to care for her, to raise her gently and generously and well. beatrice — and ava, whenever they make up a very flimsy excuse — have been in tai’s room often, and you know they’ve grown attached even though you warned them not to. but beatrice taking her scrub top off and picking tai up gently, careful of her leads and her still-tender chest, and then holding her close and settling into a rocking chair. 

‘beatrice,’ you say, sitting down across from her. 

‘have you — has there been a family chosen?’

you’re not the one in charge of any of that, your contributions to the organization being both your sixth-generation-surgeon money and your sixth-generation-surgeon talent, but you know there hasn’t been a decision made yet. you shake your head. 

she nods. ‘we…’ she swallows, readjusts so tai is held even closer, her left ear close to beatrice’s heart. ‘i spoke with ava. a lot, actually. and, well, you obviously know i’m chinese; i can teach her how to speak mandarin and make mapo doufu and she won’t — she won’t miss that part. and ava knows about not having a family of origin, and he’s, like, the best. and,’ she continues, ‘we’re both surgeons. you know she’s going to need care now, but also her whole life, and i — i fixed her heart.’ she can’t even look at you, just looks at tai’s peaceful little face as her voice gets wobbly and she sniffles. 

beatrice, above all, means what she says. she’s maybe one of the least impulsive people you’ve ever met, agonizing for as long as you’ve known her over haircuts and new hiking gear and dinner reservations, as methodical as it comes when she practices medicine. 

‘i —‘ she looks at tai once more and then takes a deep breath and meets your eyes. ‘i love her.’

you know, more than anything, ava has made beatrice want to be brave. you let it sink in, let it hit you like a tidal wave of easy warmth, then really let yourself look at your oldest friend and every careful thing about her, lean muscles and long-healed scars, the most careful thing held against her chest — the same skin, bathed in the light of an easy sunrise. ‘well okay then.’

beatrice seems surprised, for a moment, as if you would say no, or doubt her, or discourage or argue. ‘really?’

you nod, brusque mostly so you don’t cry. ‘i’ll connect you with aja; she’ll be able to help you with all the paperwork. i’ll put in my recommendation, of course.’

beatrice adjusts tai so she can free a hand to wipe a few tears. ‘thank you, lilith.’

‘let’s just hope she takes after you, not ava.’

beatrice laughs, and it makes tai smile.

/

‘no.’

‘she’s —‘

‘your daughter,’ you say. ‘you’re not tai’s doctor any longer, haven’t been in months.’

beatrice frowns, arms crossed. ava smiles far too serenely for your liking next to her.

‘she’ll be fine, babe,’ she says. ‘it’s just a post-op, super normal.’ she turns toward tai, happily squealing at a nurse playing peak-a-boo with her while they get her situated on the exam table. 

beatrice glowers but concedes, softening immediately when ava squeezes her bicep. they’re both definitely exhausted but happier than you could’ve really imagined; the empty bedroom now filled with a plethora of toys and clothes, colorful animals on the walls, a safe crib with a space mobile you’d personally given them. it makes sense to you, easily, that they’re good parents — kind and attentive and funny — even if, right now, they’re driving you insane. they’re both in comfortable clothes, not bothering with anything more on their shared day off. 

you have to physically shoo beatrice away as you’re listening to tai’s heart, which is ridiculous because you’re sure beatrice does it at home, probably every night. you’re more relieved than you would ever let on that her heartbeat is normal and steady — perfect, as far as you’re concerned. you go through the rest of her check-up and she’s as healthy as can be, gaining weight well, rolling over, holding her head up, starting to eat baby food — yes to bananas; no to green beans so far — not sleep regressing as much as they’d feared. 

‘she’s doing great,’ you reassure. 

‘fuck yeah she is,’ ava says, then sighs. ‘before either of you start, first of all, language is all relative.’

‘ava, we can’t have her first word being f—‘

‘— secondly,’ ava interrupts, then looks at beatrice putting tai back into her dinosaur onesie, slipping a warm cap onto her head, ‘she’s the best baby of all time.’

‘she is wonderful,’ beatrice says, still a little reverent.

ava elbows you as beatrice carefully pulls socks onto tai’s feet. ‘one of the better ones i’ve met,’ you concede, because you really do love tai, and, all things considered, she’s an easy, happy baby. ‘certainly better than i thought would be possible with either of you.’

ava rolls her eyes. ‘i read your recommendation.’ horrifyingly, she starts reciting it, so you move as quickly as you can.

‘i have a tight schedule today,’ you interrupt, beatrice laughing quietly, smiling at both of you with far too much amusement.

‘bye lil,’ she says. ‘thanks for everything.’

‘yeah, yeah,’ you say, but there’s no bite to it. ‘see you at dinner.’

[theficshop]

Rafe Cameron x !Pouge Reader

Synopsis:

you’ve just moved to Kildare island what happens when the king of the Kooks takes a liking to you?

Warnings:

Under age drinking, swearing

It had been a couple weeks since your family had moved to the island finding a small house on the cut. You went to Kildare county high school, and it didn’t take you long before you made friends with the Pouges. Finishing the last lesson of the day and it also being Friday, you wanted to finally relax. A brown haired girl makes her way over to you.

“Hey Kie!” You say giving her a one armed hug

“Hi, how’s your first week at school been?” She asked reciprocating the hug

“Surprisingly it hasn’t been as bad as I expected, but Mr Lawson is a dick head for giving me homework on my first week here” she groans

“Speaking of your first week, you need a proper Kildare welcome, we’re having a bond fire as a welcome party, practically the whole island is coming and Sarah insisted on inviting some Kooks” she rolls her eyes

“Really? You didn’t have to do that” you smile as you leave school

“It’s a tradition, and we need to get some guys on your radar” she grins

Going back to your place you get ready for the bonfire. In your bedroom you put an outfit together.

“Mum, dad ’m going out!” You shout coming out of the room

Your mum steps in-front of you

“Where are you going? Who are you going with? and What time will you get home?” She questions

“Mum I’m just going down to the beach for a welcome bonfire with some friends, I won’t be out to long”

“Let her go, it’s good she’s making friends so quickly” her dad shouts from the kitchen

“I’ll be responsible mum don’t worry” You quickly kiss your mum's cheek before walking out of the front door.

Going down the front steps you see the twinky pull in front of the house beeping the horn. Jj rolls down the window.

“Y/N get in!” He pokes his head out

Kiara opens the van door and you get in.

“Y/N! tonight’s going to be all about you” she smiles

“I hate all the attention being on me” you laugh

Sarah hugs her “my brothers going to be there to just ignore him if he tries anything”

“Hey Y/N” John B hugs her

“Hi Y/N” Pope and Y/N do their handshake that they’ve made up

“This is gonna be dope” Jj yells out of the window and he starts the car

Eventually, they get to the beach and they all get out. Jj and John B carry the huge firewood logs onto the open sand of the beach, drenching them in lighter fluid and setting the pile alight. From the back of the van Pope pulls out a foldable table and loads the drinks onto it. Kiarra and Sarah lift the two speakers out and connect their phones to them so they can play music. The three guys pull even bigger logs from the sand and place them around the fire for everyone to sit on.

"Now we wait" John B sighs

it didn't take long for everyone to arrive, you were sure at least half the island was on the beach. The music practically shook the ground as you went over to the drinks table. Grabbing a can of mai tai you look up to see three guys standing next to each other. Two of them seem in deep conversation but one of them seems fairly uninterested as he looks up from a beer to make eye contact with you. Holding eye contact he sends a quick wink.Your cheeks turn slightly pink and you look away. Taking her drink you go back over to her friends.

“Who’s that guy over there?” You say discreetly pointing to Rafe when he turns around

Kie’s eyes widen as she follows the direction of her finger.

“That’s Rafe Cameron Sarah’s brother, why?”

“Oh no reason” you say while breaking eye contact. Making it obvious there was something you weren’t telling Kie.

“Listen, Rafe is like the definition of fuck boy he might look hot but he’s the biggest man whore” Kie states turning to face you directly

“He could be good for something temporary” you shrug

“Do you think Sarah would care?”

“I don’t think she’s very interested in her brothers sex life but, if my friend hooked up with my brother I’d kinda want to know?”

“You should just ask her now, avoid keeping it from her if something does happen”

“Kie this is just a hypothetical remember, I haven’t even talked to him yet” you let out a small laugh

“I’m just gonna… talk to him ya know? Get to know him”

"yeah man I'm not stopping you, just know I warned you"

you look over and, Rafe seems to be by himself finally left alone by the two boys who seemed to be annoying him.

once again he makes eye contact with you.

mustering up the courage you think to yourself "If I stay sitting here nothing will happen and I'll waste the opportunity that's practically been handed to me"

you walk over to him, your heart beating out of your chest

"Hey, Sarah's brother? I've heard a lot about you" You smile at him

"All good things i hope" his mouth slants into a smirk

"That depends" you giggle slightly

"I could uh, show you around sometime I doubt those pouges have enough money to get you into the good spots in town"

"What about Sarah she hangs out with them all the time" you raise an eyebrow

"She's not a pouge really, I reckon you'd be one of us if you lived on figure eight"

"you don't know that" you look away from him

"ill bring you around Tannyhill, that'll change your mind"

"you say that to all the girls that talk to you?" you joke

"only the gorgeous ones" he chuckles

"you're too sweet" she blushes

she looks over and Sarah is talking to Kie she tilts her head to the right in a "what are doing with my brother" way

"Truth or Dare everyone!" Topper calls out

"come around, come around"

soon a group of people circles around the fire including you and Rafe.

"I think Y/N should do the honours" Kie smiles

"Truth or dare?"

suddenly all eyes are on you

deciding to be outgoing you choose dare.

"Kiss Rafe " she dares with a smug undertone

you turn to Rafe standing next to you, "You don't have to" you whisper

He shakes his head placing his hand on the side of your head, then pulling you in to lock his lips onto yours. Only pulling away for a split second he places his lips into yours again.

Rafe Cameron just made out with you in front of the whole island

what have you gotten yourself into?

An: do you guys like it?

[t1ts-4-scattorcio]

hii i love ur writing <3! can u do general dating nat hc? pre crash? thank you! 🫶

General dating pre-crash Nat headcanons <3

She loves you so much

I mean LOVES YOU, obsessed

She loves sharing her passions with you, music, soccer, and is enamoured with anything you decide to share too.

She was a little toxic at the start, abusing substances and being a little distant I just think pookie didn’t know how to be open to anyone esp after the abuse the endured at home and how people always judge her for being ‘promiscuous’ (let’s be real she isn’t at all, people just suck) 

She doesn’t want you to get involved in any drinking or smoking, she won’t force you to stop but defently would stop you after a drink or 2, expect her to hover at parties just incase you run into iffy people

Not into pda, will hold your hand when your walking down halls and kiss you on the cheek before having to split ways. But she clings onto you behind closed doors, will walk up behind you rest her chin on your shoulder and wrap her arms around you. Will lift you up on counters and smooch you, will be the first person to pull you onto a couch or bed to cuddle and I think she prefers to be the little spoon but she always wants to hold you in her arms

I think gets jealous easily, will not be scared to tell anyone to fuck off if they’re flirting with you and will makeout with you infront of them if they don’t get the memo. 

Gets emotional when you support her, her parents never cared about what she did and no one showed up for her. So she’s all sunshine when you attend all her practices or a game, she’s grateful that she has you always. 

That said she will always support your endevors, any extra circular activities you’re in, you bet she will be there front and center, need any help with projects she will get anything you need to succeed, will stay up all night making sure you get everything sorted 

Will try to help with home work but is a mess lol, especially if it’s a subject you both suck at. you’re better off asking Tai for help.

You both are very anxious people, Nat has the tendency to close herself off if she’s overwhelmed and will get annoyed if you hover so you learn to give her space until she decides to come to you herself. She also respects your space but will hold when you have panic attacks, she’s a good listener too she will let you rant as long as you need until you feel better. I think is the one person that can make you laugh when you’re upset.

She was at your door the day her dad died, tears streaming down her face barely being able to breathe. You held her that entire afternoon into the night, I think that’s the first time she told you she loved you. 

She will get you to listen to her favorite bands. Nirvana, pearl jam, the cranberries, radiohead ect. You have music dates where you chill in her room smoke a bit and just enjoy each others company. Of course that happens when her parents aren’t around and won’t barge in. 

You both share clothes, I think she steals yours and has the tendency to not give it back lmao, you’re trying to find your favorite top or jacket and see her walking around in it at school the next day. “Nat is that mine?” “yep” pecks you on the lips and skips away. You let it slide because you do the same tbh.

You spend so much time on the stands watching nat practice, coach ben suggests you join the team, one day you walk on the field with a jersey on and the rest of the girl and nat are like ???

The other girls treat you like family too, you were a little nervous the first time you met the team but you fit right in, you will go to sleepovers together, shopping at the mall and they even invite you to go on the trip to nationals…

Nat was shitting herself when you suggested she meet your parents, most adult figures never took her seriously or didn’t look past the bad girl/goth exterior. She’d be a sweaty mess asking you what your moms favorite flowers were and what your dads favorite hobbies were so she’d able to make some conversation

I see her walking in your house super pale one hand gripping yours it feels like it’s going to break and your rents are super chill “come on in honey what snacks would you like?” or “y/n has told us so much about you, she apparently said you’re the best player on the team. The closer yall get the more nat see’s your parents as her own, your parents are so open to her sleeping over if things aren’t alright at home. 

NSFW 

She gets hot and bothered when you wear her jersey, and loves how it smells like you when you give it back. 

I think she prefers private sex but quickies are nice especially in the locker rooms. You got away with it a few times until Jackie walked in on you guys doing something nasty, you’ve been banned since then lol.

She does get more touchy when shes drunk or high, will walk over and straddle your lap kissing your neck, or pushes you against a wall and starts kissing you with no shame and you’re not complaining tbh

I think she’s a switch but will 100% be a dom especially if she’s had a bad day, is into nice degradation (if the the word for it?) “my pretty little slut is so good for me” while shes fingers deep in you ;).  Will be subby if she needs comfort to relax a while, not really think. Just feel good. 

Sleepovers at your place are so fun, shotgunning a blunt together till you end up hovering over her, hands down her pants, just spirals into hours of sex on and off till you both pass out.

[bengiyo]

We Must All Get Louder and Gayer About La Pluie Immediately

I understand that this show only airs on iQIYI and that most of us canceled that after KinnPorsche and/or Love in the Air, but I’m gonna need y’all to re-up those subscriptions and get on this train right now. This and Step By Step have been some of the most intriguing romance explorations we’ve had in the realm of Thai BL in a long time, and you are missing out on this incredibly breakdown of the soulmate and fast romance tropes that I’ve ever experienced.

I’ve seen some consternation about whether this show is honoring or defying conventions within romance and BL, and I don’t think that’s the most enjoyable way to engage with a piece of media in a mature genre. I think it’s more useful to ask questions like:

How is this show using those conventions?

What do these conventions fit?

What new things have we learned about ourselves or the genre as a result?

We’ve been unpacking the soulmate idea from the very beginning (@lurkingshan). The show upended our expectations about that from the opening scenes by showing us a romantic man who doubts in his own romantic destiny because his parents divorced. The show has then gone on to state quite plainly that it believes that the hearing loss connection is entirely coincidental, and that what people do in their relationships with other people is what matters the most.

We are sitting in the audience, and so we know that this is a romance. We fully understand that Tai and Patts will more than likely be together at the end of this story. What that knowledge and expectation allows the show to poke at the development of relationships in dramas. The characters are in a slow burn romance, but everyone in their lives doesn’t think they should be! That’s been incredibly fascinating because we so often see BL characters rushed into a relationship with each other that we are always surprised when they aren’t (Bad Buddy, My School President, Bed Friend). It’s been incredibly enjoyable for me to see a romance refuse to rush their characters into commitment with each other.

My good friend @lurkingshan wrote about this subversion of tropes and expectations this morning as they pertain to Lomfon. She makes the point that we expected Lomfon to be a bigger factor going into episode 7 than he was, and that’s also I think part of the point. He’s not a threat to the core romance, but he does have a role to play in this story. For me, I think he’s here to reinforce that skepticism and doubt are critical to making any sort of relationship or belief system function. Your ability to handle new challenges and things that confuse you are critical to being able to maintain a commitment. It doesn’t work if it’s forced.

As for misunderstandings, this show also continues to be intentional about this. As far back as episode 4, Dream chided Patts for not making things clear with Nara. Patts listened but hoped that his non-answer would be enough for Nara. Likewise, Bow has warned Tai twice about Lomfon’s clear desire for him, and how by not making things clear Tai may also face difficulties.

This comes to a head this week with Nara. I agree with @ginnymoonbeam that Nara’s return lets the narrative blow up Tai’s uncertainties he’s left bubbling since the beginning. I personally love Nara’s reintroduction here because Tai is romantic and because he genuinely seemed to like Nara. He liked that she still knew how to take care of her ex. He liked the determination she showed to travel all the way to Chiang Mai to pursue him. He was rooting for her! Even if he misunderstands the kiss, it’s not really about the kiss. It’s about the fact that someone he admires cares for Patts, and he likely worries that he’s the reason they didn’t work out. He’s also still questioning if the mutual attraction between himself and Patts can be trusted.

Moving on to the intimacy, I wrote last week about the way this show has made it clear that these are two men interested in each other. Following up on that this week, we entered an incredible liminal space in their relationship. Patts signaled earlier in the episode when they first got to their room that he is hoping to pick up where they left off with their last intimate moment. Both went into this bed fully aware of the sexual tension between them.

Tai is the one who opens the door this time by first offering the massage and then initiating the kiss. Things heat up between them, with Tai again on top to remain in control of the situation, something @shouldiusemyname points out here. Tai once again asks Patts to stop when he moves to escalate the encounter, but Tai shows Patts that he is interested in him. He offers to help him out by performing the act that Patts was most certainly going to do last week. This is incredibly fascinating for me, because I have always asserted that bottoms are the ones in most control of an encounter. I do not read Tai choosing to take care of Patts as him giving up control in any way. In fact, it’s a way for him to further maintain it. He reassures Patts that he is happy to be here and lets them release the tension of the moment.

Also, I just absolutely lose it over the lip flick.

gif by @pharawee​

Once again, I cannot overstate how radical it is for me to see a show saying that the one performing the act is the one in control of the encounter, and has the character who’s feeling unsure use that as a way to explore their own feelings. Tai needed to know that he likes making Patts happy. Please list the other BLs that have done this with sex in the notes. It’s not very often we get this!

Also, look at this man. This is not the face of a man who is being coerced. This is the afterglow of two people navigating their intimate relationship (@ginnymoonbeam).

He’s literally rubbing his hand because as they spoon because he’s so relieved.

I also just absolutely love Patts. I love that he keeps leaving notes for Saengtai to make sure he knows where they are.

Look at him walking around the next morning. He seems pleased...like a man can seem pleased.

We just never get this kind of stuff in genre. This is a classic romance of the Nora Roberts variety that’s allowing us to show two men navigating their romance and intimacy on their terms while also showing that even fated mates must be good partners to each other. This is a story that loves romance and loves the conventions of the drama. It is approaching each thread with clear-eyed conviction, and we as queer viewers deserve this.

So, I’m going to need you all to get louder, weirder, and gayer about this show. We gotta get more people on this one. We can’t let this show be forgotten because it’s not on YouTube.

Once again, thank you for coming to my post.

tagging @wen-kexing-apologist​ and @kyr-kun-chan​ for all the conversation we’ve had about this show.

[nerd-at-sea5]

i have a cold atm. so uh. yellowjackets when they’re sick headcanons!

jackie - will go to school if she’s coughing/sneezing a little, but the moment it gets worse than that she’s in the office asking to be taken home. does make a big deal out of it and is kinda dramatic. is aggressively helpful whenever any of her friends are sick (meds, reading articles, getting homework, telling jokes, whatever she can do to be helpful)

shauna - dislikes being sick to the point that jackie has called her mom for her to pick her up multiple times bc shauna refuses to acknowledge it. will contact teachers at 6am letting them know she’s missing school and asking for the work. hates taking care of other people when they’re sick. will sit outside jackie’s room reading to her but won’t go inside

nat - fucking hates being sick bc she feels pathetic/useless whenever she is. normally when she’s sick she goes 1-2 days ignoring it, then lottie makes her stay over and takes care of her. nat also rarely gets sick. like she’s gone years without having to stay home from school, however when she’s sick, she’s sick. is really good at taking care of people but she only does it to people she really likes (lottie, van, laura lee and akilah)

lottie - has never gotten sick in her life. likes to joke that her brain is fucked enough so her body just decided to never mess with her. is one of the most caring people when someone’s sick. she makes nat stay at her house until she’s better, she’ll bring matzah ball soup to shauna (she did accidentally give shauna salmonella once bc she fucked up making it but it’s fine), gossips with jackie, will binge movies with van, catch tai up on homework, read books to laura lee - she’s the best person to ever be sick around.

van - is a lot like nat except they don’t succumb to it after 3 days. they’ll just keep going till they physically cannot anymore. tai once forced them to stay at her house bc van threw up twice during practice and nat had to drag them to the locker room. will literally only be around tai and nat when they’re sick because they hate it so much. (they’re dysphoria skyrockets when they’re sick) nat and van once got sick together and they just watched movies for 38 hours straight until lottie showed up and made them take medicine

tai - the moment she thinks she’s even a little sick she takes medicine, contacts her teachers and coaches and then sleeps until she’s fine again. refuses to be sick for more than a day so she never is. envy’s lottie for never getting sick, will not be around any sick person aside from van. she’ll just drop off someone’s homework for them and that’s it. the only person she tolerates around her when she’s sick is her mom bc she’ll sing to tai and tai is ok with her mom taking care of her (no one else. ever)

laura lee - just burrows under blankets until she’s better, when she’s sick it almost always means throwing up sick and since she’s the oldest her parents will stay home with her (if they can’t they have the second oldest) she just gets quiet and sad and a lot of the time lottie and nat go to her house to cheer her up (it’s the only time her parents don’t judge nat). (in the case of my nb laura lee hc - i think their dysphoria also gets worse when they’re sick, bc they’re whole body hurts and they’re hyper aware of their chest)

misty - freaks out and thinks it’s WAY worse than it actually is, had taken herself to the ER for a head cold before (she was fine). normally will just hangout with her mom and listen to show tunes until she’s better

[kaminocasey]

Drift This Way

Summary: *SEASON 2 SPOILERS* Tech wins the pod race. You can't help but express your worries.

A/N: I was gonna wait to post this tomorrow but I was just too excited. ALSO, @space-girl-and-droids-art inspired the tattoos mentioned, with THIS art!!!! STILL OBSESSED!!!!! <3

Pairing: Tech x Reader

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI; None

WC: 1K

TAGLIST FORM

Gif Credit: @starqueensthings

Tech won the riot race. It was both thrilling and terrifying. After seeing what happened to Tay-0, you were horrified. If that happened to Tech… you don’t know what you would have done with yourself. It’s not like you could put Tech back together like you did with Tay-0, twice.

“You’ve never done this before.” You grab Tech before he starts to walk over to the pod. “What if you crash and die?”

“The odds of that happening are-” He starts but the announcer starts to tell everyone to make their way to their pods.

You tighten your grip on his hands. “If you die, I won’t forgive you.”

He smiles ever so slightly. “Do not worry.” 

Your worrying was surprisingly for nothing. He was actually a natural. Which shouldn’t surprise you at this point. 

When you get back to Cid’s ship, Omega starts to talk about how they should go to more riot races but you quickly shut that idea down. When Hunter finds out, he’s probably going to blow a fuse. 

“Are you alright?” Tech asks when you sit down in the co-pilot seat.

You nod. “I’m fine. You?”

“I’m fine as well. I was referring to your earlier comments about not forgiving me if I died, though.” He raises an eyebrow as he looks at you.

“Oh. That.” You feel yourself go warm in the face with an awkward chuckle.

“That.” He nods. 

You shrug. “I don’t know… I shouldn’t be surprised that you’re so good at pod racing.” 

“You shouldn’t.” He teases, lightly and you roll your eyes.

You both are quiet for a bit, listening to Wrecker and Omega ask Cid more questions about pod racing. Cid starts to tell her about the legendary pod races that they had on Tatooine and Omega asks if you can go see them next. 

“NO.” You and Tech say, simultaneously.

Looking at each other, you can’t help but laugh. 

“You know… I have to admit, seeing you be confident in your racing was something.” You tell Tech when you get back to Ord Mantell. 

“Always the tone of surprise.” He tuts. 

You grin up at him as he sits at the bar in Cid’s. 

“It was nice to see you confident, is all.” You shrug, taking a sip of your drink.

“Do you prefer it when I’m confident?” He asks, leaning on the bar so that he can look at you.

Is Tech flirting? With you? “I think I like any version of you.”

“Noted.” He nods, drinking his own drink.

Later that night, you pace quietly in front of Tech and Echo’s room above Cid’s multiple times before giving up and starting to walk back to your own. 

“Is that you pacing outside my door?” Tech peeks his head out.

You look over at him, nervously. “Uh, yeah… sorry.” 

He walks out in just his sleep pants, his bare chest showing his tattoos that he’s gotten over the years. You’re taken by surprise. You didn’t peg Tech as the tattooed type. Also, how have you never seen him shirtless before now?

Your mind goes slightly blank at the sight of him. “Um…” He steps toward you, letting his door slide shut behind him and you meet him halfway, as if you can’t help but gravitate toward him. You always do.

“I’m sorry if it seemed like I didn’t believe in you today. I should have been more supportive.” You lean against the wall in between your doors. 

“It’s alright. I understand you were just worried.” He nods. “Even if I still don’t fully understand why.”

“Do you not?” You want desperately to reach out and trace the markings on his skin, to touch him.

He shrugs. “I have a couple of guesses.”

“Tell me.” You step closer to him. 

His lips part slightly as he looks down at you with fidgeting hands, as if he wants to reach out and touch you as well.

“My first guess is that you’d be upset that you would be down a pilot if something happened to me.” He murmurs.

You chuckle. “I think Echo and Wrecker could manage piloting.”

“Have you ever flown with Wrecker?” He asks and you know he’s being serious but you can’t help but laugh.

“Guess again…” Your fingers brush against his.

“Well…” He fixes his glasses with his other hand. “My next guess, I suppose, would be… you would be emotionally compromised or have some sort of fondness for me…”

You roll your eyes, amused. “That’s one way to put it.”

“I… also have a fondness for you.” He glances down at your lips. 

Your heart skips a beat at the goggled genius’ confession. A confession you were sure you’d never hear. Tech feels about you the way that you do for him. 

“Really?” You ask, feeling brave enough to slide your hand up his warm chest, settling over the skull and 99 tattoos.

“Really.” He takes your hand and holds it there… over his heart. 

Reaching up on your toes, you brush your lips over his lightly and timidly. Tech slides his arm around your lower back, pulling you close to him, deepening the kiss. Being confident, you realize. He sighs softly into the kiss, as if he’d been waiting for this just as long as you had. 

You both hear a throat clear and quickly pull away from each other to look in time to see Echo walk into his and Tech’s room. With a roll of his eyes, Tech shakes his head at the intrusion.

But when he looks back at you, it’s full of adoration and kindness. “Maybe I ought to risk my life more often, if it incites a reaction out of you like that.”

“Very funny.” You pull him back to you so you can kiss him again. 

“Do you two mind?” Hunter’s voice is in the hallway next. 

“Maker…” You groan. 

“I’ve got an idea.” Tech smirks, walking back to his room to put on a shirt and then coming back out. “The Marauder is currently unoccupied.” 

“You’re a genius.” You kiss his shoulder as he leads you down the back steps that lead to the outside.

“Of course I am, darling.” He smirks.

TAGS: @twistedstitcher27 @rebel-finn @grievouus @madameminor @dumfanting @rain-on-kamino @corona-one @tecker @ladykatakuri @brynhildrmimi @the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond @zoeykallus @maulslittlemeowmeow @littlemousedroid @arctrooper69 @rexxdjarin @agenteliix @padawancat97 @hated-by-me @sleepingsun501 @crosshairmylove587 @idlenesses @redheadgirl @dnxgma @themcuwriter @ashotofspotchka @sunshinesdaydream @crosshairsimp73 @ariadnes-red-thread @rosmariner @heyitsaloy @starstofillmydream @high-ct5555 @echos-girlfriend @sleepywych @nekotaetae @justanothersadperson93 @brownstalebread @aconstructofamind @book-of-baba-fett @chopper-base @palliateclaws @501st-rexster @dead-poolz @greaser-wolf @moonstrider9904 @tubble-wubble

[star-girl69]

Ultraviolence

Natalie Scatorccio x Fem!Reader

—-

a/n: i don’t have an explanation for this either. enjoy it while it lasts. i hope you all enjoy!!

side note but this is the chapter that started it all!!!!!!!!! it’s gonna be a long one. i thought of the title ultraviolence and then what happens and this chapter title is what came from it.

*if you’re curious, the title comes from the lyric “jim taught me that loving him was never enough”

warnings: reader gets punched (sorry i had to give y’all a true y/n moment), lottie gets brutally beat up by shauna, mentions of blood and such, i’m sure you all remember this scene….., swearing ofc, kissing, allusions to hot and heaviness lol, mentions of infant death, then actual described death, knives, attempted murder, like a lot of violence, cannibalism!!!!!!!, ritualistic sacrificing, ITS HERE Y’ALL, Y’ALL KNOW WHATS HAPPENING, tell me if i missed anything!!

Chapter Thirty One - Loving Her Was Never Enough

Chapter Thirty One - Loving Her Was Never Enough

—-

1996-

The days after the birth are startling. You know what is should feel like. You should be fussing around the baby, you should be complaining when he wakes you up in the middle of the night, but it’s just not.

The cabin is silent, you think maybe for the first time since you’ve been here. Silent. Eerily silent.

Shauna lays in the same bed she gave birth in, Tai sits next to her, and it’s all shrouded in this hazy layer of grief and anger and death. Everyone is just silent.

You sit on the chair by the window, Natalie at your feet, laying her head in your lap and you run your fingers over her blonde hair. Her roots are so bad now, but there is really nothing you can do. You wonder if it bothers her. She’s always hinted that she dyed her hair for a reason. You wonder if it haunts her now.

You watch Tai mutter forget Shauna about drinking something, but she turns around, he’s still in her arms, and she’s still silent. She hasn’t spoken a word since she woke up and held his little frozen body.

“Lottie?” you hear Tai ask. You look up from Nat’s blonde hair. “Do you see something?”

Lottie stands from the chair next to Shauna. “The snow. It finally stopped.”

Everyone sits up, now slightly eager to at least get out of this cursed and death-riddled cabin.

Travis and a few other girls quickly move, grabbing onto each other and the door, pulling and pulling while you grab Nat’s hand and wait for it to finally just burst open, like a bird waiting for their cage to open. Even if the hand coming in only brings food, you will bite and bite to get out.

And it does, it cracks open with a sickening crunch, snow spilling out like a tsunami.

“Holy shit,” Nat smiles, and you squeeze her hand, someone mutters about grabbing a bucket, and God at least you’re out. At least you can flap your wings, even if they’re not strong enough to get you out of the wilderness.

—-

You spend most of the day just floating around with Natalie. It’s peaceful, as much as you can get out here, your feet crunching through the snow and her hand in yours. Shauna buries her baby. Lottie, Misty, Akilah, Mari and Tai go out to search for Crystal after Misty conjures up some speech about their duty to find her even in the wake of his death.

You can’t do it, you can’t do anything except for ignore it and be here with Natalie.

—-

Much later, you’re all gathered around the fire, the search efforts abandoned for the day. Your hand is in Nat’s lap while she stares into the fire, and you’re listening to Misty go on about Crystal.

It made you feel bad for her, her cries and her speech, no matter how many looks Tai sends you about entertaining her, you can’t stop. Can’t take this from her. Even if the rumors being spread are that Misty murdered Crystal are true… you can’t. Because you don’t know.

If the rumors are fake and she’s really hurting… it doesn’t kill you to let her talk.

“And she was always singing,” Misty coos. “Always singing.” She starts humming along to a song you don’t recognize, but it is catchy.

“I’m sorry, Misty,” you say when she done. “Crystal is so wonderful… I hope you know that we’re here for you, and I’m sure she’s out there.” Lies taste bitter on your tongue.

She presses her hand to her chest, suppressing another cry, grabbing your hand and squeezing. When she moves onto the next victim, Natalie bumps your shoulder.

“You’re so nice to everyone. It makes me sick.”

“I’m just an angel, really,” you hold your hands above your head in a circle, a faux halo.

She smiles and grabs your hands, kissing your knuckles. “My angel. My nightshade.”

You grin stupidly because this girl really is your everything, and draw her in for a sweet kiss. Her mouth against yours is the same and yet wildly different every time. The way you fit together is always the same, like puzzle pieces, like you were made for each other. But the way she makes you feel each time your kiss varies.

Some times, like this, you’re just so happy you smile against her and your heart is just warm. Other times, your clash together hot and heavy, mouths open and teeth smashing, and she makes your entire body feel hot. Sometimes she just holds you so tight you know that there will never be anyone else for you- you just feel so completely and utterly hers, and better for it.

Van makes a gagging sound on the other side of the haphazard circle. You pull away with matching smiles, Nat shooting Van an unimpressed look.

“You and Tai are just as bad.”

The two girls look at each other before dramatically grabbing each other’s faces and pretending to roughly kiss, making you laugh. You adjust to turn towards them and not just Natalie, accidentally knocking over your cup of water onto the floor.

“Oh, shit,” you murmur. There wasn’t a lot in it, but still enough for you to warrant grabbing a spare rag to soak it up.

Nat rubs your knee as you stand, the door opening as you do and Shauna filing in. She obviously doesn’t want to be talked to. You feel bad, but you won’t force her to do something she’s not ready to do.

You stand up, humming Crystal’s song to yourself, heading for the rag on the table Melissa sits at.

“Why are you singing that?”

It takes you a second to realize Shauna’s talking to you. She’s turned completely towards you, something like hate festering in her features. It scares you.

You look towards Natalie, who looks just as confused as you.

You stare at Shauna like a deer in headlights.

“Where did you hear that song?”

“Um, uh, Crystal,” you breathe. “Misty was telling me-”

She comes towards you so quick no one can do anything to stop it. Her fists connects with your cheek, hard and uncoordinated because of her anger, and God does it fucking hurt.

You yelp and curl in on yourself, pressing your hand to your face and falling against the door.

“You killed my fucking baby!”

The sentence is the most terrifying thing you have ever heard. You barely even helped. You barely even helped.

Natalie is next to you in a second, you’re crying, she’s yelling and Shauna and whispering- Stop, Shauna! She did everything she could- Y/N, Y/N, baby, are you okay? Are you okay? Where does it hurt? Where does it hurt?

She presses her hands against your face, you hear the rage in Shauna’s voice and you’re terrified, you can’t catch your breath.

“No, shut up! You all fucking ate my baby!”

Shauna is beyond rationality. You look past Nat and see the pure hatred, the insanity in Shauna’s brown eyes. Van and Akilah are trying to hold her back.

She’s making no sense.

“I saw you! You were covered in blood!”

“Shauna, stop it!” Tai screeches. “You’re acting insane!”

Van suddenly yells and pulls her arm away. “Ow! God, she fucking bit me!”

Akilah let’s go of her, but Lottie is in front of Shauna now.

There’s tense moment. The entire room breathes heavily. She stops for just a moment.

Shauna grunts and punches Lottie in the face.

You flinch on principal and Natalie presses herself closer to you.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” she says, craning her neck to watch. You stare past her, entranced by the piece of rage that seems to have taken over Shauna.

Where did it start, you wonder? Her heart? Her lungs? Her liver?

Lottie brushes her hair out of her face and locks her hands behind her back.

“Travis, take Javi to the bedroom.”

You realize what’s about to happen.

“Lot?” Van asks, but she knows too.

“Shauna…” Lottie breathes, “I know there’s a lot of pain right now. Let it out.” No one moves. “Shauna, we need you, let it out.”

She swings. She meets her mark. Lottie staggers back but comes right back for more.

You breathe in.

Shauna hits her again and Lottie falls to the floor. She kicks her in the back. Again, again, again, again and again and Lottie jolts each time.

Natalie’s hands are shaking against you. Her nails dig into your sides where she now holds you. You’re breathing so much and not enough you don’t know how your lungs are still working.

Shauna climbs on top of Lottie and flips her over. She hits her. She hits her. She hits her. She screams and screams. And she hits her. She hits her. She fucking hits her until Lottie is passed out and unrecognizable, her face is bloated and bloody.

And no one does anything.

Finally, Shauna falls next to her, breathing heavily. She lays there and breathes. You’re not sure you breathe. Shauna sits up and looks at her.

“Lottie.” She doesn’t move. Of course she doesn’t. “Lottie.”

Lottie spits out blood. Then she breathes in. Laying on the floor, covered in blood, you swear you see the shape of white antlers in the fire behind her.

Shauna stands up and walks towards you. Natalie throws you behind her, but Shauna doesn’t look at you, she just walks past you and out the door.

Everybody rushes towards Lottie.

“What the fuck,” Nat breathes. “What the fuck.”

You press your burning face against her chest, cheek still imprinted with Shauna’s knuckles, and you cry. You cry.

—-

Akilah finds a mouse. She talks to it and it brings her comfort. She cries when Taissa shows her it’s not real.

—-

There’s blood everywhere. This wasn’t like Jackie. This is raw and disgusting. It tastes so bad and feels so good. You don’t stop until you’ve eaten what must be his entire arm. You’re all eating, you’re all moaning and groaning like you did that cold night with her.

There’s no smoke in the air this time to hide your sins.

Shauna runs in, there’s blood on your face and metallic in your mouth. She knows what happened. You don’t bother to wipe your face.

Shauna screams.

You wake up screaming, everyone is annoyed with you and groaning. You cry into Natalie’s arms. She says your name over and over again.

“I’m sorry, Shauna. I’m so sorry, Shauna. I’m so sorry.”

—-

You lean against Nat, the two of you sitting on the long bench against the wall, Coach Ben on the other end. The two of you have felt like a package deal lately. Sometimes you look at Shauna and you remember her rage and you feel your aching cheek- and you’re scared. You’re so scared.

Natalie looks at Shauna like she’s poison.

You don’t know why, you don’t know how, but you know the dream you had is not just what your mind conjured up. Somehow, someway, you know you saw what Shauna saw.

And that scares you so bad you don’t even tell Natalie. But she doesn’t ask, she just holds you through the nightmares, she holds you when Shauna’s near, she holds you when you remember.

You feel useless and stupid but you can’t get it out of your head. She doesn’t make you. You savor it a little longer until the next tragedy happens.

Nat squeezes your side unknowingly. You follow the sight line of her harsh glare and find Shauna picking up a blanket at Gen’s feet. Nat grabs your leg and hooks it over hers, she brings you closer.

“Sure,” Gen says sarcastically. “Go ahead.”

“You’re not using it and Lottie’s cold.”

“Now you give a shit about Lottie?” Melissa asks.

“Hey!” Van shouts, standing slowly. “Lottie took it from her to protect us. Don’t let that be for nothing.”

Shauna looks down. She looks at Gen and Melissa, and then she walks away.

Natalie’s voice is hushed when she speaks.

“Maybe Lottie dying wouldn’t be the worst thing.”

She moves her hand from your waist to the side of your head, pressing you further into her shoulder. Like she can just fold you into her, eat you up and keep you safe from this cruel wilderness. You wish you could do the same to her.

You know she’s not talking to you. You listen anyways.

“I mean, if she’s in pain, then… yeah. Maybe for the best,” is Coach Ben’s answer. The wilderness has forced you to talk about life and death like it is nothing. You wonder what special hell awaits all of you for squandering this gift.

Nat scratches your scalp. “Everyone’s just so… I don’t know. They’ve changed, because of her. It’s like she has some weird control over them or something.”

“Sounds like you’re jealous.”

“Right,” she says, and you could almost smile at the sarcasm in her voice. “Even Javi’s gone to the dark side.

“Oh, come on, Nat. He doesn’t even talk.”

Remembering Javi and everything he’s been through makes you feel sick.

“He doesn’t have to.” You feel her turn to look at Coach. “I saw him, like, bowing to a symbol tree the other day.”

“Which tree was it?”

“Hm, not far from the creek.”

You can feel Coach Ben realize something that terrifies him.

—-

Mari hears the dripping again, the dripping she’s been hearing for a while. Mari sees something. She screams. She says they’re dead. She cries when Taissa tells her nothing is there.

—-

When Natalie tells you of her plan to make Javi gloves, you say the first words you’ve said in three days that’s not panicked whispering in the middle of the night after a nightmare.

“Let me help.”

You do one glove and she does the other, managing to scrape together the materials- you’re grateful for Home-Ec classes now.

Faintly, you realize that Nat was in your class too. She sat in the back and was barely there, to be fair, but she was there. She was there before you knew to look for her. And that should seem sweet but it’s cruel, because it’s less time you could’ve spent looking at her.

You sit by Nat’s feet as she gives him the gift.

“They’re not that pretty.”

They’re beautiful because they were touched by her.

“And they don’t change color in the cold or anything.”

There’s magic in just being able to make Javi smile.

“But they might help.”

You watch him smile as he puts them on. You gesture towards him and he holds out his hands, letting you admire your handiwork on their final resting place. You smile. You smile and he smiles back. You turn his hands over before folding them up and squeezing them.

“Beautiful,” you whisper. Nat smiles.

You look up at her, but she’s not smiling anymore. She’s staring at him. At Travis.

“Need something?” she says. He leans against the doorway.

“No.”

He brushes his hair back and sits in Javi’s old place. You hate how uncomfortable Nat looks.

“You’re a good person. You’re both good people. And I’m sorry for… for ever making you feel otherwise.” Nat stares off over your head.

You stare at him. You grab his hand. Travis, Travis and Nat and you. That’s it.

It takes her a second, but she places her hand over yours and his.

—-

Not quite asleep yet, not quite awake, you lean against the wall together while you wait for someone to turn off the lantern. Nat is already asleep, her head in your lap, your hands again in her blonde hair.

Misty creaks down the ladder, Akilah scrambles from her sheets.

“Hey, how’s Lottie?”

“She’s, um…”

Your stomach drops, everyone sits up. Nat sits up, your hands fall from her hair.

“She said, um, if she dies… she wants us to make use of her. To stay alive.”

“Did she really say that? She must be really fucking sick.”

“I can’t imagine being here without her,” Van says, like it’s final. Like she won’t accept it.

“Me either,” Shauna says.

“Then let’s not.” Mari sits up. “Lottie isn’t gonna die. The wilderness won’t let her die.”

“It may not want her to, but if she’s starving… there’s no way she’s gonna live,” Travis says. He’s now sitting up next to you. You look at him.

“The same is true for all of us.” Nat says, her hand finds yours.

It’s for you, the way her fingers intertwine with her say. It’s for you, it’s for us, it’s for what we have.

Taissa sits up after a moment.

“Okay. We need to find a way to stay alive.” There is a deadly sort of focus, of a promise in her eyes. “And it can’t be her.”

—-

They set up the bone, the candle, the knife, all of it the same way they did during Shauna’s birth. That time, you were trying to save someone. This time, you’re trying to kill someone.

You watch them. You lean against the wall with Natalie.

“Nat,” you whisper, and it startles her because it’s been so hard for you to talk. “I’m scared. Why are we doing this? I… I dont want to die, Nat-”

“Shh,” she whispers, her hand on your face. “Not you. Not you, never you.”

And for some reason it comforts you.

Going into this circle means the chance to eat and the chance to die. But the hunger, hunger that you never thought a person could feel before, it hurts so bad you would do anything to stop it. It’s not you, it’s survival. It’s the primitive part of your brain your starving body reverts to, the part that would do anything to stay alive.

Most of the time that means fighting and killing animals. But there’s no animals to kill in these woods. There’s only humans. There’s only your friends.

The circle forms. Van flips through the cards before finding one. She holds it up. It’s the Queen of Hearts. The implication is silent but deadly. Whoever draws that card is the one who dies.

You watch her shuffle them. You’ve never been religious, but fear will turn you into whatever you have to be. You pray, even though some part of you thinks it’s no use, and a bigger part of you is too desperate to stop.

The circle is eerie and silent.

Some deep part of you screams to stop this. Screams for rationality, screams for any other way.

But you are beyond rationality. Nothing about this is rational or normal. This hunger is nothing short of a God-like experience- how can you want something so much that you would kill for it? How powerful could an emotion be that you would do this?

You’re staring down the jaws of death, the scent hitting your face, and you’re throwing someone else into the endlessness of its throat.

Van holds out the cards, face down, and Misty steps forward. She grabs the card at the top, her head level, eyes pointed down, she smiles and breathes in.

Misty spins around with her card, and everyone can see that she’s safe, this time, that it’s not the Queen.

Misty grabs the deck from Van and turns to Akilah. She stares at Misty, innocence in her eyes, but she grabs the card.

She doesn’t outwardly show what card she drew, not until she flips it around and places it over her heart.

Misty turns to Van. She isn’t subtle about it, she doesn’t wanna wait, she grabs the card quick and shows it to everyone. Not the Queen.

Shauna’s turn.

You can’t breathe. The hesitance is gone, everyone just wants to get it out with. You can’t breathe. You can’t breathe. You find Nat’s hand and you squeeze so hard it must hurt, but she just squeezes right back.

Shauna does not draw the Queen.

Travis’s turn. You’re scared. You’re so scared, you love Travis- but he doesn’t draw the Queen either.

Tai doesn’t.

Melissa doesn’t.

Javi doesn’t. He runs to Travis, who hugs him and says it’s okay, but it’s not okay. You all know this is no okay, this is insane, but you’re too far in it to stop.

Misty holds out the cards to you. Oh. Oh, it’s your turn.

Natalie shuffles closer to you. You take it, you take it and you pray and pray that you’re not the one who’s throat will get cut today. You want to live, you want to live so bad it’s like a fire in your bones.

You flip the card over.

Eight of Hearts.

You hold the card up to your chest, you feel Natalie let out a breath. Your lips quirk upward. You’re safe. And Natalie will be too.

Misty holds out the cards to her. You hold her hand. You know it won’t be the Queen. You know it won’t be. It can’t be, because you love her.

You love Natalie, so she can’t die.

She takes her time. She breathes in heavily. She’s slow to draw the card, like she’s pushing through something invisible in the air. But she’s not fighting to get it, something is pulling her back, rationality.

She draws the card close to her. She flips it. You can’t see it. She holds the card up to her chest.

You love her and it can’t be the Queen. You love her and it can’t.

Everyone gasps in horror but it takes a second for it to sink in for you. Time doesn’t work in the wilderness. Your lungs don’t work now.

The theory that oxygen is poison that takes a hundred years to kill a human? It must be true. And the origin of that poison must come from these woods, because you can’t breathe.

“No.” It’s the only word you can think to say. “No, no, no, no, no, no,” you repeat, frantic, you’re climbing up the walls, you press your hands to your face.

Natalie doesn’t look at anyone. She accepts it, she takes a step forward.

“NO!” you yell, you grab onto her, she grabs onto you. You thought it wouldn’t be her. You knew it wouldn’t be her. What is the point of this mess of the future being slowly revealed to you if you can’t save the girl you love?

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” she’s shaking and crying, you’re sobbing against her warm body. “It’s not you, it’s not you.”

You dig your fingers into her shoulder’s, she has to keep you standing.

“It’s not you. It’s not you. It’s not you.”

“I won’t eat you,” you cry into her neck.

No one bothers you for this one moment. They let you have this.

“Yes, you will.”

“I won’t!” you shout, but it fades out and you’re just crying again.

Van and Mari grab your arms. Natalie let’s go of you. It’s the worst betrayal you have ever felt.

How can she do this to you? How can she do this?

“Please, please, please,” you cry, but their grip on you is too tight. You watch her walk forward.Shauna meets her in the middle. You can hear her breathing heavily, it’s silent for a moment, your mind hasn’t realized this is happening yet.

“Turn around,” Shauna says.

“I love her,” you cry. “I love her, I love her and you can’t do this, please don’t do this, please don’t-”

Nat turns around and looks at you. You can barely see her through your tears.

Shauna wrap’s Jackie’s gold necklace around her neck. She grabs the knife.

“I love her,” you say, almost resigned. “I love you.”

She looks at you. Shauna brings the knife to her throat.

“Wait. Wait,” she grabs the knife. She turns around. Her words are shaky. She’s scared. She’s scared too.“You’re gonna have to look me in the eye.”

Shauna presses the knife to her throat, they’re both crying, you really truly can’t breathe. Your mind catches up.

“Travis! Travis, Travis please, please, I love her you can’t- you can’t-” he stares at the floor and doesn’t look at you. You dissolve into sobs. That’s all you are. Sadness, grief, rage, insanity.

Misty walks over in front of you, you can’t tell what she’s feeling. You can’t decipher her face through the tears clouding your vision.

“I love her, I love her… please…”

Misty’s face hardens. “It’s not enough.”

Your heart breaks, you swear you can feel it break.

“We need food more than we need love.”

“You sick, twisted bitch! You fucking psycho! I know what you did, I know what you did!”

The sound of metal breaking. Misty’s labored breaths. The sound of a body hitting the ground. Screaming.

Who am I? You have no answer. Not anymore.

“You stupid fucking bitch,” you laugh, you cry, “You stupid, stupid girl. They’re gonna know, they’re gonna find out-”

“Shut up!” Misty yells, slapping you and you’re suddenly silent by the shock of it. “Shauna, go.”

You cry. You cry, because Natalie is not here to hold your cheek. She held you until the next tragedy happened, and you never expected this next tragedy to be her.

The knife is at her neck. You love her and the knife is at her neck.

Travis yells and barrels into Shauna. The next moment is a whirlwind, Van and Mari let go of you in favor of Travis, Misty takes their place.

Nat meets your eyes in the second of chaos.

“Run!” And she does.

“No! No, she’s getting away!” Misty screeches.

She runs right out the door, Travis fights and fights, but eventually the girls manage to pin him to the wall. Mari holds the knife to his throat. They all run out the door. Misty drops you and you fall to the ground.

There’s a sound.

You realize they’re howling. This is not a chase, it’s a hunt.

Travis is breathing heavily, you’re slumped against the ground, you look at Javi.

He survived. He survived for so long.

You stand up, you stagger towards him, you place your hands on his face.

“You know, Javi. You know, you know where she can hide, under- under the tree, you have- you have to-”

He looks into your eyes. He looks at Travis.

“Javi,” he breathes.

And Javi runs out the door. The girls don’t even recognize the danger. They don’t stop him.

There is an advantage to bring so young. You are never perceived as a threat. You are never really seen, not for what you are.

“Y/N, w-what’s under the tree?”

The girls holding him to the wall are frozen in time.

You stare at the floor.

“Sanctuary,” you whisper.

—-

You wait outside. You hear her footsteps. “Natalie, Natalie,” you day her name over and over again, running into her open arms.

“I knew it wouldn’t be you. I knew it wouldn’t be you.”

You press her so close against you it’s like you’re glued together. You breathe out and look towards the wilderness.

“Natalie!” Travis shouts, you here his footsteps behind you.

You watch as they carry his body like a dead animal, hanging by a stick.

Natalie presses her hands against the back of your head. “Travis. It… it’s happened so fast…”

“No,” he whispers. You can’t look at him but you can feel him.

“The wilderness chose,” she breathes.

“No. No! No!” he runs past you and towards where they have dumped his frozen body.

He was wearing the gloves you made for him.

You press your face against her neck. You can hear her breathe. You can feel her arms around you. For right now, that has to be enough.

Travis screams and cries as you and Natalie go inside.

—-

Natalie feels guilty. That’s the only emotion she can name. She feels more than that, of course, she feels this deep devotion to Y/N that’s more than love, she feels grateful but not quite that she’s still alive, and she feels scared but also knowing.

Y/N keeps saying that she knew. She knew it wasn’t Natalie. And Natalie doesn’t know why but she believes her. She’s starting to realize that too much has happened in the wilderness for there not to be something more. Something here.

She doesn’t tell Y/N, but she talks in her sleep. Little whispers, so only Nat can hear them. She talks about antlers. And you’re scared, you’re shaking, but you never quite wake up. And most of the time Nat just touches her face and wonders what she’s dreaming about.

She needed to be out here in the cold woods, gathering firewood. She needed to be out here, away from everyone in that cabin who tried to kill her.

When she offered to go and you grabbed her hand, looked up at her eyes, she suddenly realizes that she almost lost herself- and you almost lost her too. She would go crazy if you had been the one to draw the Queen card.

But she needs to think.

She tells you she loves you, because she heard you, while Shauna had that knife to her throat, she heard you. She wraps the blankets around you and leaves and says she’ll come back and she will.

She makes her way back to the cabin. The smell of blood is so strong, she wants to turn back but she doesn’t.

She hears him just as she sees him. His breathing is terrified. He turns around and starts hobbling as fast as he can, away from the cabin.

“Coach,” she breathes. “Where have you been?”

His eyes soften. “Natalie. W-what happened?”

She stares at him. She knows he sees the horror in her eyes. The memories in her eyes. She can’t say it.

“O-Okay, okay, okay, listen. I figured out where Javi was hiding, all right? I-I think that you, me and Y/N together could probably survive the winter.”

She looks him up and down.

“Hey, do you hear me?”

Her face hardens.

“You don’t have to stay here. You’re not one of them. Both of you aren’t like the rest of these girls.”

“Actually, I’m worse.”

It feels good to say it.

“How can you say that?” he says, genuinely confused, almost betrayed.

“I let him die in my place.”

There are tears in his eyes.

“It was supposed to be me.” He stares at her. She feels guilty, guilty for shattering her perfect vision of him.

“F-fine. Fine, fine. You don’t- you don’t have to go. Y/N and I-”

“She knows things, Coach. She knows things. Doomcoming, Lottie told me that soon, we’ll all see if the way she sees it. She whispers in her sleep about antlers, she gets scared when nothings there, and she… today, she told Misty that she knew what she did. And Misty was scared.”

She can see everything crash around him.

“You’re a good person, Coach. You really don’t belong in this place.”

She stares at him and he stares right back. Something breaks, the friendship they had.

Something breaks.

—-

1997-

Your hair is knotted, matted in places. You cannot remember the last time you touched a hairbrush. They made you shower but there’s still dirt under your fingernails and in between your toes.

You keep your head towards the ground, the flashing lights of cameras ringing in your eyes and ears, feeling her hand in yours and someone’s hand on your shoulder, guiding you forward, shouting for everyone to step back.

But they don’t listen. The are journalists. Paparazzi. They want this new story like you wanted meat. They are hungry, just like you.

You don’t even realize you’re climbing the steps of a plane, just like you did that day in 1996. The worst has already happened to you.

Lottie screams and you do not even flinch. Even while the cameras stop flashing, everyone falls silent. It doesn’t scare you, not anymore.

You have heard this scream a thousand times before. From a thousand different mouths.

—-

taglist:

@sweetdayme4427 @dreaming-for-an-escape @peachydoki @happysparklingshadows @zhivaxo @maraudeerrs @karsonromanoff @onlyangel-444 @subastronaut @iheartnatscatorccio @yourlocalloser-core

everything taglist:

@emilynissangtr

[afranticsonicperson]

alright this has been on my mind for hours so I’m just gonna say it

GUYS, I THINK TAILS AND SHADOW ARE FINALLY WARMING UP TO ONE ANOTHER IN CANON!

(!DISCLAIMER! I am talking about the MAIN timeline with the MAINLINE games and NOT the Sonic Boom timeline, and in sonic boom yeah shadow and tails fight like cats and dogs there and there’s no denying that, BUT THIS IS NOT ABOUT SONIC BOOM. THIS IS ABOUT HERE)

now, why do I think shadow and tails are starting to form a bond? A couple of new things actually:

First, Twitter Takeovers:

hold on, stAY WITH ME HERE OKAY??

in that one part where shadow kinda sings antihero with amy in one of the questions and yes that actually happened holy shit-

literally everyone, EVERYONE, didn’t know that shadow listened to taylor swift, not even SONIC knew that shadow listened to taylor swift EXCEPT TAILS

im serious, tails, in response to everyone’s confusion and surprise, says “shadow loves tay-tay!”

the little fox couldn’t have heard it from someone in the group because literally NOBODY knew about it? not even amy??

shadow and tails had to have had atleast a one-on-one casual convo about it! SHADOW WAS COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO SHARE HIS INTERESTS WITH HIM!

ok ok, don’t consider the twitter takeovers as canon? that’s fine! there’s other stuff!

Next, Murder Of Sonic The Hedgehog:

now, most of this is near the end of the game, but hear me out here!

first, shadow and tails talk very casually with eachother!

shadow and tails address and talk to eachother not very enemy or unfriendly-like, and tails isn’t afraid to chime in with shadow from time to time!

that’s also the thing, shadow and tails aren’t afraid of sharing their interests with each other, I don’t think that’s very “arch-enemy” of some people to do, y’know?

and one of my final points:

shadow praises tails in this game!

no, seriously, he does.

“It’s true, you could drive this train flawlessly.” <— keyword!

and keep in mind, he genuinely didn’t have to say that, amy before that only said “I’d trust you drive this train!” to tails, shadow could’ve just said something like “yeah, you could.” or maybe just not have said anything, but no, shadow decided to praise him in that sentence, and he doesn’t compliment people a lot, so honestly it’s kinda sweet to me!

(also, tails being very flustered at the compliment is super duper cute.)

And yes, the murder of sonic the hedgehog is canon. It may be an april fools game, but it is not something like the twitter takeovers where the VA’s may just be messing around, tmosth is a game made by sega. it is quite gladly canon.

Overall? Shadow and Tails aren’t exactly friends yet, but they are reaching the stepping tone of it! Their friendship seems to be building off respect and trust, and honestly, I love that a lot with them trusting eachother to be a hand to lean on, especially in the shadow games..

I look forward to them being friendly allies or even mutual friends if that ever happens.

I love these two. <3

[simlit]

Chosen of the Sun | | dawn // fifty-seven

| @amuhav

next / previous / beginning

KYRIE: Tay. TAYUIN: Hm? KYRIE: Before tonight, um… I need to tell you… I mean, there’s something you should know about me. TAYUIN: This sounds particularly ominous. You know, if you’re about to admit to being a serial killer I’ll only be validated. KYRIE: What? TAYUIN: Nothing. Well, go on then. I’m listening. KYRIE: I… have this ability. TAYUIN: Wow. Groundbreaking stuff. KYRIE: I’m being serious. TAYUIN: And I’m lightening the mood. I can tell you really don’t want to do this. KYRIE: It’s not that I don’t want to tell you. I’m just afraid of what you’ll think. TAYUIN: It can’t be that big a deal. KYRIE: It’s a very big deal. One I think you’d understand, considering how much you hold back. Has it never occurred to you that I might care how you see me, too? Banter is one thing, but your trust means something to me. No, it means a lot to me. So, I will tell you now before whatever happens tonight will happen. Because I don’t plan on holding back. TAYUIN: Alright, if it’s my attention you want you have it. KYRIE: Clairvoyance isn’t the only gift the Moon gave me. But it’s not a power I flaunt willingly. I can… compel people. It’s an ability I’ve had most my life, and one I’ve been explicitly forbidden from using. For good reason. Until recently, I’d never needed to use it. Even if things were difficult, I rather avoided it. Now, that choice is beyond me. TAYUIN: Compel people. You’re talking about… TAYUIN: Mind control. KYRIE: In a way. TAYUIN: There’s not really two ways about it. It either is or it isn’t. So which one is it? KYRIE: Yes. I can force people to do things against their will. For so long as I can channel it. TAYUIN: That’s not simple. KYRIE: I warned you. TAYUIN: Yeah, but I didn’t think you were about to tell me you can— What does that even mean? “Recently”? So, what? You’ve used it on all of us? KYRIE: No. I would never do that. TAYUIN: How can I believe that? KYRIE: It’s not something covert. You would know if I had. They always know. Even if I compel someone not to speak, as soon as my concentration wanes, there’s nothing stopping them from doing so. If I could compel them to forget… well, that’d be a different story. TAYUIN: That’s… absurd. Am I just supposed to take your word that you haven’t been messing around in my head, too? KYRIE: Well… yes. But then I guess, why would you trust me? TAYUIN: Ah, that’s not— wait!