Dead dashboard confessional parasocial hours: it’s been so nice to see Taylor kind of reclaim her place in the world and work out in real time what does or doesn’t feel good in terms of being out there, and she’s clearly flourishing on a personal level by taking in all these experiences! And idk if it’s just the late hour or the post-livestream hangover or what, but it just kinda feels like something shifted yet again last week — like she and Travis did their goofy little skit because Theatre Kids and it was fun and felt good and she’s like “YES more of that please!”
And I’m not saying that as in “omg she’s going to publish her entire life online now” at all, but more in like, it’s kind of endearing to see her try these new things and figure out her boundaries and be like “yes this sparks joy and I want more of it in my life” (or on the flip side, cutting out the things that don’t and protecting her peace). I know that ET article earlier today was just a fluff piece to keep stoking the fires until they can actually Say It, but there’s something about Tree’s the quote saying they had fun coming up with it and were glad they got to share that moment together and want to keep having fun like that was just really sweet. And again, I don’t think it means they’re going to publicize their lives regularly by any means, I really do feel like it was like, “hey you know what would be funny?” And they took it from there — almost like that skit was for them and we were lucky to be bystanders to the bit lol. They just have so much fun together and it shows. I don’t think they’re trying to capitalize off their relationship, I think it’s just the pop star on a global stage equivalent of that one couple you have in your friend group that always goes all out for Halloween with the elaborate couple costume and commits to the bit every year.
It just seems like they’re really settling into things and figuring out as they go along how they can do the things they want to do within the parameters of what feels safe and joyful and is less scary than it once was. Taylor got to take part in her own way in something meaningful to Travis (e.g. the Super Bowl) and he’s gotten to take part in something meaningful to her (the show) and it’s just really sweet how they embrace each other’s worlds. And maybe it was “new and defining” because Taylor’s never been that overt before on stage on a tour of this scale, and not only did the world not cave in, she had a blast and got to have a chuckle. For someone who said she always wished she had someone by her side to share her successes with and never did even in her longest relationship previously, it’s got to be wild to literally have her partner on stage with her on her record-breaking tour.
No wonder she’s probably gagged at all this. The universe really did shift and it was all for them etc.
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so I read this fic, this fic, and this fic lol and it totally melted my brain and then I started thinking and this happened lol.
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Carol hasn’t had a family get together since December of ‘83 and she hasn’t talked to Steve longer. Which would make this get together very odd. Carol honestly wouldn’t have gone if her mother hadn’t made her. She’s fuming because not only is she forced to be here she’s forced to watch Steve be happy, it’s not like she doesn’t want him to be happy it’s just very upsetting to see him be happy without her or Tommy. So instead of walking up to her cousin and ex friend to just talk she sits in her chair and glares at him.
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When Steve had been informed about the get together he internally grimaces, thankfully he didn’t have to listen to his parents talk for long since he had work. Which he then could bitch to Robin about.
“How can a family reunion be that terrible?” Robin questions, popping a piece of candy in her mouth. Steve groans and lifts his head slightly staring at Robin. He’s surprised she hasn’t caught on yet, unless,
“wait you don’t know?” Steve lifts his head up fully staring unblinkly at robin trying to figure out if she is joking or not.
“uhhh no I do not know, but do tell.” She gets this giddy look in her eyes pushing the box of candy off the counter he wrinkles his nose knowing he’s going to have to clean it up later since Robin hates sweeping.
“It’s hard to explain,” Steve starts knowing damn well it’s not hard to explain quit the opposite really. Not that hard to tell his best friend that his old friend is actually his cousin. “Well actually it’s not that hard just difficult- nope still not that right wording-“
“Steve it’s alright if you don’t want to tell me.” Robin smiles at him reassuringly.
“carol’s my cousin.” He mumbles out in a rush. He immediately clocks when robins face goes from confusion to shock.
“Perkins?” Steve nods.
“if you want I could come, be some support or Eddie could come too, maybe the get away driver when she comes near.” She starts to ramble her rambling making Steve feel instantly better.
“I think I need to do this alone and my family would immediately think you were my girlfriend.” Steve smiles at her.
“I’m okay being your girlfriend to make you feel better.” Robin rolls her eyes as to say he’s being a dingus.
“aww thanks Robbie.” He coos at her which immediately makes her hit him on the shoulder.
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Carol has managed to not talk to anybody at this get together. Avoiding meeting Steve’s eyes, she was successful until her aunt(Steve’s mother) decided they needed to resolve their differences. She sees her mother snickering with her. Carol rolls her eyes when Steve sits next to her.
“Y’know I don’t want to be here as much as you do.” He isn’t looking at her when he says this.
“That supposed to make me feel better, because it doesn’t, great to know your only cousin closes to you doesn’t even want to see you.” She rolls her eyes and blows a bubble with her gum.
“right sorry, look I’m sorry for how I left you and Tommy.” Steve still doesn’t look at her when saying this and it pisses her off.
“it’s in the past, past it.” She shrugs, she isn’t past it far from it actually. She wants to shake Steve and ask him why he doesn’t talk to them anymore, to her. Carol hates to admit it but she misses her cousin he was one of her best friends growing up, them both growing up as only children. She didn’t have anyone else sure she had her mom and dad but Steve was her only friend before he met Tommy and she fell for him.
“just know I’m still here if you need me.” Steve taps her shoulder three times like when they were younger then gets up and goes across the room to talk to one of their cousin from out of state.
Carol frowns and goes back to moping.
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one thing about hbo is that when they get a journalist coming up to them and going “man do i have a fucked up story i want to follow” they really do let that person go wild. i’ve mentioned the way the ronan farrow one really moved me emotionally and that’s just because ronan knows how to investigate and tell a story to get you righteously angry for who it is he’s defending. he’s good at his job!
but this one, quiet on the set, has genuinely made my jaw drop a few times, even if i think some of the framing could have been better in the last episode. of course i know about all the rumors about dan schneider and the abuse on set, it’s hard to have been into the teen nick scene and not notice, and it’s pretty easy to figure out which kids were being harmed through too much attention and which were being harmed through not enough attention, and there’s been all sorts of rumors floating around for over a decade!
but the build up to the drake bell reveal was well handled, i thought. i was initially skeptical because i think it’s hard to make a documentary about child sexual abuse without leaning into being exploitative in some way. and at first, where you have the actors who left early, like katrina, or who you remember but weren’t mega famous like giovannie, and they’re all saying “this set was so weird & inappropriate, i knew something was wrong but i didn’t have the experience or vocabulary to say what” it feels a little too schlocky. like, oh we’re just kind of speculating on the inappropriate nature of dan’s “friendship” with amanda bynes for two episodes? yeah it is fucked up that two pedophiles were on that set, but did they hurt anyone on set?
and then drake bell walks into the room dressed like timmy turner and says it was me. he hurt me.
i can’t stop thinking about the choice of clothes here and the way it helps drive home the point of the doc. he’s sitting there in fairly odd parents colors as an adult and can’t describe the sexual trauma he experienced as a child still, has never spoken about it, had his mom lie to his father over it because he was so screwed up. really driving home the point that he was just a kid who had a knack for physical comedy and it got him preyed on by dan, a man who should have protected him, set up and handed over to a monster who traumatized him for months and years.
but when that reporter said she got a judge to let them unseal the court documents because drake bell told her how much support peck had? my jaw dropped, like yeah this is reporting, this is someone who saw this story and finally fucking cared not about the salacious details but about who knew what and why they did nothing to stop this from happening. it’s not about forcing drake bell or katrina jackson or alexa to live through the worst moments of their life - it’s about how so many people knew what was going on and didn’t do a god damn thing to stop it. it’s about how these monsters, these convicted pedophiles, were given access to little kids to hurt and traumatize and everyone knew and didn’t just look the other way, they actively helped cover it up. THATS the story. Not that it was an isolated tragedy but that it was a clinical, purposeful environment built by people who wanted to harm little kids.
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