#i don't care if you aren't gonna publish anything with them

[rupturedtaleblog]

Hi everyone, Tile here, under more ideal circumstances, you would have gotten everything I wanted to do for the anniversary all at once, but due to my personal life becoming far more busy than I'd like, the content for this year is going to be spread out over the rest of the month.

The following is mostly going to be a few thoughts of mine, over the history of this project, and about a few personal anecdotes. If you don't care about that, feel free to just look at the art up there, it was made by VeggieUTDR.

I would like to start things off by thanking those of you who have decided to still follow this project. What started out as a stupid joke made to spite someone had transformed into a project that is incredibly personal to me. One that I, come hell or high water, will see through it to its completion, one way or another.

8 years feels like an incredible amount of time. A lot of things happened to me, and some things stayed relatively the same. It's part of why I've decided to never really cancel this. By the time Rupturedtale started, it was during the boom of Undertale AU Sprite Comics, it was a project among many of those, and one that would surely fade just like a good chunk of them.

That never really happened, though, as I'm currently talking to you. As corny as this may sound, there is a part of me inside of this thing. And it's a part of me I cannot bring myself to hurt. This whole story is about hurt, really, it'd be cruel to put it out of its misery when it can become something truly beautiful.

If you're wondering why it's taken so long, besides my life in general being busy, it's because I've spent a lot of time developing some personal projects with some good friends of mine. Ones that for the time being aren't really meant for the public eye. Creating those memories is important to me, and they will also shape how some of the things in this project are going to be.

You might get to catch a glimpse at one of them.

There isn't anything of major substance that I can show right now, the Date itself has things that will be better off being shown in their proper context. And its overall script needs to undergo revision before it can be put into game form. In the event of complete and utter catastrophic failure, you can expect it to come out in comic form instead.

In general, for the projects that are made by my hand (and the very lovely people who help said hand), I will be publishing a roadmap of what to expect in the future. There are a lot of things that I want to do, and I'm very eager to show them to you. I just need to get to them first.

Again, I'm incredibly grateful for your patience, there's not a lot of you out there, I'm aware, but for the ones that still are, I promise you're gonna get what you've been looking for.

If there is anything I've learned the past few years, is that my love for this game will never truly die, I will be thinking about it for the rest of my life.

Though, that doesn't mean I will only create under its own shadow.

You can't just play with the same toy over and over again, you know.

You'd want something new.

Eventually.

[arrowpunk]

If I had a nickel for every time someone was weirdly possessive over my OCs and continued to use them even after we lost contact and got upset with me when I politely asked them to please stop. I would have 3 nickels. Which isn't a lot. But it's annoying as hell that it's happened even once.

[drdemonprince]

to the anon who sent me the message that took them 4 hours to draft.

I think your experience both with organizing and disability has probably provoked you to rethink the entire concept of "success" as our culture has defined it, even if you feel yourself still longing for some of the comfort and ease that capitalistic success can seemingly provide (or that we are conditioned to believe it can provide). im not sure what to say that can match the effort your put into your message, in fact i am galled by the fact that i know that i can't match that effort. i don't know how to make sense of the fact that a person who is finding it incredibly difficult to remain connected and engaged during this time, due to disability, has decided that i was worth that level of effort when they don't have the energy to message people they know. i don't think i am worth that effort. but i also respect that mired in all that you're mired in, it's a meaningful gesture toward engagement and connection to even bother writing such a message. i just think in a lot of ways i am a misplaced target for it, because i am a ridiculously privileged and publicly exposed individual who receives dozens of heartfelt messages that he doesnt find the time to respond to every single day. i think if anything that i've written rubs you the wrong way you'd be right to approach it with cynicism. because what the fuck do i know, banging around on my laptop every day and getting paid for it. how dare i lecture anybody about not unlearning capitalism adequately enough. i am one of capitalisms little milking cows. a massive publishing company makes a weekly profit off of me, off the byproduct of the worst years of my life and my worst traumas, as well as the meaning i've made from the scholarship of others.

i'm so enraged for you that you got a debilitating case of COVID (after several other cases) on an encampment, and that now the community you foster at that encampment is not there for you. i am disgusted at how more seasoned activists and organizations have regarded student protestors as disposable this entire year, selling them out to the cops, cutting bad deals with campus administration, and sending them to yellow and red risk level actions without adequate communication and getting them kettled and beat, or else nullifying their efforts with mealy-mouthed talk about keeping things peaceful. i see so many toothless, neoliberal protests happening here, ones that serve only as fundraisers for massive nonprofit orgs, and i also see literal teenagers being dragged right into paddy wagons by the likes of the PSL or the RCP while the Dems deride them and dance to Brat tracks, not even pretending to care the way they unconvincingly did in say 2020.

It's all making me terribly cynical, wondering where we are headed and whether i can or should encourage people who are younger, stronger, more energetic, more pliable, and more vulnerable to me to give up all that they've got for a cause when it's likely gonna be chewed up and spit out and not met in effort by anyone else. i am mournful of the fact that even i can't match that effort. every time i get a message from a friend or acquaintance who is going through some new awful traumatizing event i want to just curl up and disappear, because i can't even keep up with sending compassionate messages to all of them, let alone actually showing the fuck up and doing anything for them. and so sometimes i slip into the disaffected, blunted feeling that once led me as a younger man into libertarianism, thinking that all i can or should do is look after my own wellbeing, and fuck everybody else. and obviously that is a horrible path that is not by any means moral and certainly didn't help me anyway. it felt like we were on the brink of a great paradigm shift of some kind, a collapse of these evil systems, and now it feels like all of that is as far away as it's ever been, and that there aren't enough people with class consciousness and care for one another to make it happen.

i don't know. i think we all have to abandon our dreams of success, of comfort, of saving the world, the fantasies of everything being fine. i think we need to look to our immediate surroundings and our communities. i think we need to ask for help a whole hell of a lot more than any of us are doing, and to recognize that that is a form of helping. i think we need to get small. and remember we are weak animals. and stop thinking there is anything special or chosen about us. and to remember that nature can often be very cruel and that there is nothing we are owed. disabled people already know this of course, we know life isn't fair. we try to do what we can and yet we wake up feeling even less capable the next day, and it knows no logic and the universe remains indifferent to it. but there are people around us who can care, when we ask them to. and ways that we can just be there alongside one another in the muck of it all. not even necessarily making things better. certainly not being a savior and making the pain go away. maybe just sitting in the muck together.

all of which is to say, i am feeling stuck and overwhelmed and useless myself, anon, and i dont have any more answers than you. but thanks for messaging. im sorry people have taking advantage of you. including in my opinion lots of other activists. looking after yourself and not letting people guilt you doesn't mean turning into a conservative. the kind of anarchy that i am embracing right now is one that goes beyond linear change, beyond making meaning, beyond any idealistic visions of the future, beyond even fighting for some kind of symbolic survival. it's just being. none of it has to mean anything, none of it has to be headed anywhere. it just is. there is plenty for you to be bitter about.

[canirove]

Broken Hearts Football Club | Chapter 28

Previous chapter | Last chapter

Masterlist

"They are literal scum. Posting this article the morning of our most important game so far? Disgusting" Leah said, leaving her phone on the table and laying on the bed next to June.

"Didn't expect anything less from them" she sighed.

"How are you?" 

"Honestly? I don't know. They've published stuff about my relationships before, but…"

"But they've never done it about a relationship you truly care about. One that matters, one that you want, one with someone you love" Leah said.

"Yeah" June sighed again.

They had been caught. Someone had recognized her and Ben on their date at McDonald's, taking photos of them and sending them to the English press. And there was no way they could deny what was going on.

They had photos of them waiting to order, June's arms wrapped around Ben's neck while they kissed and laughed. They had photos of them eating together, smiling at each other. And they had photos of them leaving the restaurant, of Ben squeezing her butt and then hugging her and kissing her. That was couple behaviour, and it was impossible to deny it.

"What has your family said?"

"My dad said that now he understood why I had been looking so happy lately, and my mum that Ben is the most handsome young man she has ever seen and that she is gonna have the most beautiful grandchildren ever."

"No pressure there" Leah chuckled. "So they are ok with your relationship?"

"They are. They said that as long as I am happy, they are happy too."

"What about John?"

"He just worries about me wanting to run away and send to hell the best thing that has happened to me in ages and that isn't related to my career."

"But you aren't running away, are you?"

"The thought crossed my mind when I first saw the article" June said, biting her lip. "But, no, I'm not going anywhere. I… I love Ben. And I'm gonna fight for him. For us."

"Aww, Maxwell!" Leah said, hugging her friend. "You've said it aloud! Finally! I'm so proud of you."

"Yeah, whatever."

"No, this is not whatever, June. This is huge coming from you. This means you've healed, that your heart isn't broken anymore. Though it won't be 100% healed until you tell Chilly how you feel."

"He knows how I feel."

"But you haven't actually told him, have you?"

"Not really, no."

"Then maybe this is the moment to do it, you know? Now that everyone knows about your relationship, this may be the moment to tell him and reassure him that you aren't going anywhere."

"Maybe. But I don't know how to say it."

"It's just three words, Maxwell" Leah laughed.

"Yes, but the three most important words ever."

"I guess… Have you spoken with him yet?"

"We texted earlier after the article was published. He asked me if I was ok and about how my family had taken the news."

"What about his family?"

"His mum was like, oh, this is old news. I've known since I saw her at the hospital."

"She always was a clever woman" Leah chuckled. "Did you talk about anything else? Are you going to publish something on Instagram confirming it?"

"Nah. We agreed that what matters now is tonight's game, that I should focus on that and on showing those idiots who June Maxwell is, that their shit doesn't affect her." 

"So you basically agreed on bringing back the June who likes to shut mouths with goals."

"Ben's favourite, yes" June chuckled. 

"I like her a lot too. Though not as much as he does. Tough love he called it, right?"

"Yeah" she said, remembering everything that happened since that confession, how she and Ben had gone from not being able to stand the other and constantly arguing to… to being in love with each other and happier than ever.

"You know you have us all by your side right? The whole team" Leah said, taking June's hand in hers.

"I know, Williamson. Thank you" she smiled.

"Great. Then let's go kick some asses" Leah said, getting up from the bed with a quick jump. "I feel bad for those poor Chinese girls but… This is how it works. Are you ready, Maxwell?"

"Yes captain, my captain" June laughed, getting up from the bed and joining her.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"What an extraordinary game of football" Andrew said. 

"Definitely the best we've seen in this tournament so far" Jacob added.

"The way the girls played tonight has been just… Perfection. Look at those stats!"

"And they could have been even better if Sarina hadn't made all those changes after the 5th goal."

"And what a goal that last one was. What do you think, Chilly?" Andrew asked him.

"I think that it probably is the best goal of Lauren's career to the date."

"Agree" Jacob nodded. 

"If you watch it since the moment the ball leaves Earp's foot, it just gets better and better."

"And when it gets to Maxwell… That pass was simply brilliant! And the way James controls the ball and kicks… Urgh, I love it."

"Looks like you've fallen in love with a goal, Andrew" Ben chuckled.

"I may have, yes" he laughed.

"Speaking of Maxwell's pass… Didn't it remind you of one of yours, Chilly? The one against United."

"It was similar, but hers is ten times better. She is a much better football player than I ever was or would have ever been" Ben smiled.

"Completely unbiased comment here" Jacob smirked.

"I'm known for always being unbiased when it comes to Maxwell " Ben shrugged before the three of them started to laugh. "Being serious again, tho… I think the character the girls showed today is worthy of respect. People from the outside tried to make them nervous, to make them fail, and they showed them what they are made of. That they are here to play football and win, and no one is gonna distract them from their goal no matter how hard they try."

"Yes! Our fierce lionesses!" Jacob said, lifting his fist in the air.

"We are very proud of you girls" Andrew said.

"All of you" Ben added, looking straight into the camera, hoping everyone back home got the message. 

They could publish all the rubbish they wanted. He was sure of his feelings for June and of hers for him even if she hadn't said it just yet. And if there was someone who knew how to fight against people who talked shit, making the best of it, that was June Maxwell. 

[lollystocks]

The Strange Case of Amity Park

So, the facts are these:

On April 12th, 2004, Annabelle Louise Robb goes missing during morning recess at Saleham Elementary, Illinois.

“No one realized until we were taking registration after recess, and she wasn't, just wasn't there. We were all calling for her, all over the playground- the panic, the panic actually didn't set in for a while.”

It's her tenth birthday.

Seven weeks later, another young child disappears from their bedroom, just a half-mile away from Saleham Elementary. Their name is not a matter of public record.

“We all of us in the town immediately knew something was up, that this wasn't no coincidence, cos things had been happenin’ for a while, things that made no goddamn sense. We'd been paying attention see, and this whole thing didn't start with the Robb girl, though outta-towners’d been calling us crazy.”

“Actually the curfews and all that, the paranoia, that started after little J- ahem, after the second kid. The cops needed three for a pattern, but not us.”

...

Over the next three years, a further twelve children vanish from the small town of Amity Park, Illinois, all under mysterious circumstances. No suspicious figures spotted, no signs of a struggle or forced entry, and no connection between the victims - other than that none was over seventeen.

“It was misery. Pure misery. We couldn't do anything to, to protect them. They were taken from locked rooms, from crowds, anywhere. Anyone's eyes left for a second’n they'd be gone. I barely slept those years. The whole town got sick from stress.”

Listeners might label this a classic case of serial murder or kidnapping, and officially, that's what it is - an unsolved case, of an unidentified subject taking kids.

But the official account fails to tell you the complete story.

“Amity Sheriff's Office does not provide comment on cold cases, now for the last time, please simply consult the official contemporary paperwork housed in the county library. Good day.”

“You have reached the answerphone of Amity Park Public Library. Please leave your message after the tone. You have reached the a̷͓͝n̷̪̣̾́s̸̗̎w̷̧͇̍ẹ̵̄͆͜r̶̨̬̊͝ṕ̴̢̝̓ẖ̵͛o̵͍͂͠n̸̫̍̓ĕ̵̫ of Amity Park Pu̴̮͚͝b̴̙͚̋lic Library. Please leave.”

…

Here's another fact - of the fourteen taken children, nine were found, all alive. Some within days, some over a year later. Or, as locals put it, Returned. Capital ‘R’. 

None of these children could, or would, talk about what had happened to them or where they'd been. Most didn't remember.

“I ain't giving you their names because they're sealed. You want a story, talk about the dead kids, their names are a matter of record.”

“Don't look for the Returned. Stay away from Them, trust me, and stay outta town too while you're at it. Now are ya gonna pay fer that or no?”

There are other facts, too, that aren't published with the lists of unfound children and redacted names.

Power outages. Outbreaks of violence. Unprecedented levels of crop disease; print and online media rolling to a total halt; a water contamination scandal. A vast and unspecific incident at local employer Axiom Labs, which left thirty dead, and families without answers.

“Sorry hon, the Axiom Thirty weren't, aren't buried here. We didn't really do burials during that time, as a town. You'd understand if you knew.”

…

On the night of August 24th, 2007, the last child vanishes from Amity Park. Daniel James Fenton, age seventeen, says goodnight to his family, and isn't in bed the next morning.

He remains missing to this day, and is presumed dead.

What exactly happened to this sleepy Midwestern town in the mid-noughts? Why has such a dramatic, tragic case been so withheld from the American consciousness? And what can we learn from the way the town responded to this trauma: its unnerving slip into superstition, ritual, and secrecy?

“What, you never seen blood blossoms before? I don't care if you got an allergy, you either sniff the flowers or you stay outside. And besides, ain't you [redacted]’s cousin? Did he not explain all this already? Look, jus’- wait, are you recording me?”

…

Welcome, to The Strange Case of Amity Park.

[infiniteglitterfall]

I just saw that Ahmed Alkhatib is speaking at a synagogue in Berkeley on Friday?! He's my fourth- or fifth-favorite Palestinian activist!! He's speaking with an expert on Palestinian trauma! I have zero idea what they're going to talk about beyond that!

This is what he says is his "platform," which is so long I'm gonna paste it into a reblog:

AND FOR THE CURIOUS, YOU CAN ZOOM IN AT 8 PM ON FRIDAY WITHOUT EVEN RSVPing: https://zoom.us/j/8781040

He has had a LOT of trouble connecting with the Pro-Palestine movement and finding people who'll listen to him, much less who will center and support his work as an activist from Gaza.

So share this with all your pro-Palestinian friends!

I WOULD just assume it's like... a general talk about All The Shit. But I heard this week that a coalition of Gazan activists has been working on a plan for self-rule in Gaza.

I don't know if he's involved in that; I'm behind on all this. They're not in the same activist circles, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. But obviously it makes me curious about whether that will come up.

(OK, I know you want to know the top 5. It currently goes: Hamza Howidy at the top with a big gold star for pieces like this:

Then Bassem Eid; Moumen al-Natour; Mo Ghaoui; Ahmed Alkhatib. Those are all very close rankings that shift all the time. Even now, I'm mentally flipping 4 and 5 back and forth. And 2 and 3.

The Center for Peace Communications deserves a mention too. It's based in NYC, but it's devoted to giving the people of Gaza a way for their voices to safely be heard.)

This is what the synagogue event page says:

Potluck oneg after services, followed by HeartSpace at 8pm, featuring a discussion and Q+A with Palestinian political analyst Ahmed Alkhatib and Palestinian trauma expert Dr. Niveen Rizkalla.

As we approach the one-year anniversary of the deadly Hamas attacks on October 7 and grapple with the ongoing violence and devastation in Israel-Palestine, join us in our efforts to hold multiple perspectives with nuance and complexity, part of our ongoing HeartSpace series showcasing diverse voices from the region.

Ahmed Alkhatib is a nonresident senior fellow with the Scowcroft Middle East Security Initiative at the Atlantic Council’s Middle East Programs. He is also an American writer and analyst who grew up in Gaza City, having left in 2005 as a teenage exchange student to the United States.

He writes extensively on Gaza’s political and humanitarian affairs and has been an outspoken critic of Hamas and a promoter of coexistence and peace as the only path forward between Palestinians and Israelis.

Alkhatib has a bachelor’s degree in business administration and a master’s degree in intelligence and national security studies. His writing has been published in US and Israeli outlets, and his opinions and comments have been featured in international press. Click here for more information and to support Ahmed’s peacebuilding efforts"

Dr. Niveen Rizkalla is a postdoctoral research fellow at UC Berkeley’s Mack Center for Mental Health and Social Conflict. She specializes in research related to trauma, including PTSD, vicarious and secondary traumatization, victims of torture and war, and gender-based violence. She is also working on the mental health of Syrian refugees and the staff who assist them.

Her most recent project delves into the physical and mental health of aid workers who assist traumatized populations (refugees, conflict, and natural disasters) in Asia, Africa, Europe, Latin America and the Middle East.

ZOOM INFO

Join with video https://zoom.us/j/87810404956

Join by phone 1-669-900-6833, 1-346-248-7799, 1-253-215-8782

Meeting ID 878 1040 4956

Passcode 972073

Notice: Our Zoom recordings are for archival purposes only, and therefore are not available to the public.

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• Donate online chochmat.org/give

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[emeritus-fuckers]

Hi, feel free to ignore. I don’t know why this is making me panic so much but I’m a writer and I write Sodo being called Sodo instead of Dewdrop, some ghost fans seem to be getting a little mad that he’s not being called Dewdrop and I was wondering why you decided to call him Sodo?

Im unfortunately a chronic people pleaser and this is kind of tearing me apart part, I’m so very confused.

(I admire you very much by the way rat for sticking to your own beliefs and Hc’s and not going against your beliefs to please one person you don’t even know through a screen)

hi!

i believe the reason people get pissy about sodo being called sodo and not dewdrop (bleh) is because the man behind the mask is called the sodomizer and even has a tattoo of the word on his stomach, which leads people to apparently lose their minds because "it's disrespectful" to him by "blurring the line between him and the character" which is just nonsense, honestly.

sodo started out as a bassist, which would make him a water ghoul, so he was named dewdrop because compared to the rest of the band at the time, he was relatively small.

however, he is now the main guitarist. a fire ghoul. i do not see how a fire ghoul would be called dewdrop.

it's even more silly when you realize that papa called sodo that (well, sodomizer, which sodo is a short form of) multiple times. hell, at my own ritual, we were yelling out sodo.

the people behind the ghouls masks are very much aware of what we call them. at least some of them (sodo, aether and phantom definitely) are and they have no problem with being called that. sodo reacts to being called sodo.

fun fact, there was also a discourse about how apparently he's uncomfortable with dewdrop, but from what i've read, it wasn't from him, it was just misinformation which spreads in the fandom at a ridiculously fast pace.

for me personally, there are a few reasons i chose sodo over dewdrop.

one, it's a fucking fire ghoul. i'm not calling a fire ghoul dewdrop.

two, i view switching elements as something similar to being trans. partially because i'm trans myself. calling him dewdrop feels to me like deadnaming him.

three, it's a bit similar to mary goore's pronouns for me. while mary can be a he/they or a they/them, calling mary goore a "he" makes me uncomfortable. calling sodo dewdrop also makes me uncomfortable.

and lastly, i just don't like the name, in all honesty.

in the end, i believe that what he's called will depend on your own opinions and maybe when you joined the fandom, but calling sodo anything other than sodo feels wrong to me, so i'm sticking with that. i do accept asks where he's called dewdrop, but i always call him sodo either way.

if people are getting mad at you for this and making you panic, inform them that this is your choice as a writer and they are free to leave whenever they fucking please. it's your art. as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, you should be free to do anything you please with it. and calling a character a different name isn't gonna hurt anyone, trust me.

the people getting pissed at you probably have nothing better to do with their time. if i can skip a post with sodo being called dewdrop and ignore a post with mary being called a "he", they can ignore your posts/fics if they don't like a name or a headcanon. and if they don't and they seek out drama over something so petty, their opinions aren't worth caring about.

i used to be a chronic people pleaser, too, back when i wrote fanfiction on wattpad. and let me tell you, it made me feel terrible. i was pushing out chapters and publishing pieces i didn't like because people liked them. i was genuinely convinced my work was bad because it made me feel bad to write it.

eventually i decided to let go, completely switched out a fanfic in a way that people hated but also made me much happier. it's your writing and your decisions. other people don't get to dictate that. i'm sticking with my own headcanons because it's my blog. i made this blog. i am the main writer. if you disagree with a headcanon, you can move past my blog and go read someone else's fanfiction.

the best piece of advice that i can offer you, anon, is to remember that you're one of the people you're supposed to please. and the only one that truly matters in the end. if you ever wanna talk about those things, send me an ask on my main and i'll dm you (non-mutuals can't dm me for personal reasons) so we can talk more.

people suck. have fun writing.

- nosferatu

[asukaskerian]

🌀Post the fic summary for a fic you haven't written/published yet. It can be hypothetical or something you really plan on releasing...

🌧️Share something angsty from your WIP.

🌀 this is the suburban ot4 summary that reads like a stupid book blurb but it's all i have atm :

Ichigo and Orihime were high school sweethearts and now they're a respectable young married couple with a suburban house and a child. They are sweet and loving and supportive and there is nothing missing in their life. Nope! Nothing.

Nelliel and Grimmjow sure as hell aren't married, and never mind being respectable in any way, but they managed to breed somehow so they're gonna have to deal with that. As soon as they manage to deal with being jobless and evicted.

Surely that pair of naive normies they had a pretty bad run-in with as teenagers are not going to be of any help, though... Wait... Huh. 

Oh.

🌧️ same fic!

Before they know it, it's the weekend. Nelliel and Grimmjow haven't been kicked out yet.

It's coming, she knows better than to think it's not, but so far nobody has brought it up again. 

"Because Princess is scared of confrontation and Hubby's coddling her," Grimmjow mutters. Nelliel scowls, but can't really refute that. She doesn't know them enough, for one thing.

"Or maybe they're just nice," she tries anyway, on principle.

He arches his eyebrow, and doesn't say 'isn't that what I just said?', but she hears it anyway. 

But he doesn't say it. 

Her shoulders slump; the fight goes out of her. "We can't count on that lasting," she mumbles, but really, she has no better idea than to keep being friendly and a good guest. It makes her feel less guilty, but only so much. 

"Who the fuck is counting on it?" Grimmjow shoots back, and sits at the other end of the futon, his back three-quarters turned away and just as slumped. 

He's about to go out and look for a job once again. Nelliel went out yesterday and the day before that to look into administrative solutions, financial aids, social services, but today's a Saturday. None of that will be open, and anyway they're missing so much damn paperwork; it'll take months at best to sort out. 

So far their best option is to play model guests and pray. 

"Worst thing is I like them," she can't help admitting. They're so damn sweet. It'd be easier if she had to put it on, if she didn't have to care that they're going to run out of pity at some point.

She's expecting a snappy retort, or an eyeroll, or a "I really don't", but Grimmjow doesn't say anything, just stands up all at once and goes looking for a fresher shirt. Her chest squeezes with -- something unpleasant, frustrated and off-balance, like she's being ignored. Abandoned. 

"Grim--"

"I know that."

His voice is so rough, it sounds like it should hurt his throat.

"I'm fucking trying, alright? Ain't gonna ruin this for you."

He's not looking at her, just digging into his suitcase with every muscle tight, twitchy movements like a leashed beast.

She has no idea how to sort that out. She just -- why does he keep missing the point, why does he make it sound like he's martyring himself, god, she fucking hates it. She stands, too, fists clenched. Watches his shoulders tense, watches him fail to turn to face her.

She works on her breathing. She's better than this; than always sniping. She wants to be, she knows she is, can be, it's so pleasant and, and normal to hang out with Orihime, like she was never a half-gaijin orphan dragged straight down to the underbelly of society, clinging as hard as she could to what should be. Like they're just two office ladies giggling over the coffee machine, two neighbors with matching little houses trading hair care tips and career advice. 

She wants to be calm, and fair, and happy.

Grimmjow pisses her off so much some days and the worst thing is, she knows it's a habit she has fallen into, taking things he says just a shade worse than he meant them because sometimes he does mean even worse than that. He's a foul-mouthed bastard who revels in stalking around scaring the normies, who takes people's disapproval as a reason to make them disapprove more, so she always expects it of him.

Now he exists like an animal in a trap, all desperate energy with nowhere to go and despair creeping in, and she did it; she trapped him.

"If it's going to be ruined," she says eventually, after several answers have come to her mind and been released, "then it was going to be ruined anyway. It's still a reprieve. You won't..." 

'You won't be the cause of it,' she almost says, but they both know she can't say that and mean it, so she swallows it back. 

"If I were alone it might last a few more days, but that's the same end result." She shrugs.

He's trying. She should... 

She feels kind of like shit that a part of her is surprised at how hard he's trying. She knows him well enough, she hoped enough, but another part is used to their old rhythms. There's something savagely free and so noble inside him that she wants to tear out of the defensiveness and the cynicism it's buried under. So they get together like a car crash; there are tender moments in the dark, little slices of terribly aching vulnerability, and then it builds up; she pushes him too much, too far out of his comfort zone and they break up. 

The break-up sex is always amazing. Then she's angry at herself for a while. Tells herself it's the last time she takes him back. Tells herself she was nosy and judgmental; no wonder he bailed. Tells herself next time she'll be more understanding, more patient. Tells herself he's not interested in getting over his shit and she shouldn't date projects. 

Tell herself it'll just be a hookup. 

And then he's wild and fun; neither of them ever says sorry, but they don't leave the party when the other one shows up, and then the next party they fuck, and then the next fuck they spend the night. Breaking up like a pressure valve before it gets too much, unsalvageable; not a real ending.

But they're not breaking up now. 

She wants to build him up, drag him back and away from the looming implosion; she doesn't know how. 

"... I'm going."

She wants to tell him good luck but that's going to sound doubtful, like he needs it. She wants to say she knows he can do it, he's smart and has plenty of skills; he'll hear it like a lie, or like a binding expectation. She wants...

She wants a hug.

She dredges up a smile into her voice, watching him walk through the door. "I'll massage your feet when you come back, yeah?"

He pauses in the corridor, glances over his shoulder, gives a faint, unexpected chuckle. "Oh, I'm gonna hold you to that."

[nekropsii]

so you've said a lot about how andrew hussie was a really racist person am i'm not gonna challenge you on that but like, what should be done about that. what do you want me to do

Technically I'm not asking anyone to "do" anything. I'm just discussing the topic, I'm not really making a call to action. At most I'm just asking people to be aware of it. At least, the people who have read my posts and agree with them. I'm not going to magically change everyone's worldview and habits or anything. That would be silly to expect.

You can't fix or change the story, because it's already been published. You can't fix or change Hussie, because they're their own person, and those actions were already committed years in the past. Being aware of the bigotry displayed in their works allows you to have a more critical eye for anything potentially harmful, so that you can avoid perpetuating it in your own conversations or fanwork. I want people to be aware of it because being aware of this kind of thing makes online communities a safer place for people who would be affected by bigotry. Plus, there are many people who aren't very perceptive- I say that neutrally- but still don't want to contribute to that. It's incredibly valuable to know and understand the context behind why an author wrote something the way they did, and some people do want to know these things, but do not have the tools or energy at their disposal to dig for that context themselves. I'm basically just doing the dirty work here.

At the end of the day, though... I'm not the arbiter of anything. I can't make you do anything. I also can't make you care. I'm just some guy with a blog talking about a webcomic I like.

Do with the information what you will. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[d999666]

Galactik football S1 ep2 review - (1/4)

a New Home

D'jok : well mom, do you see anything?

Maya : I see 3 boys who keep moving and breaking my concentration.

Mice : what are you looking for a good-looking girl treasure a good-looking girl with treasure?

Thrans : We looking for Aarch

Ahito : but he said he was going to form a team

Mice : and you think he's gonna consider you to be his player

D'jok : Why not? we're good right?

Mice : good for nothing.

>comment : D'jok, Ahito, and Thran are positive about the future. But microice is not positive. Why is his pessimistic attitude like that?

The three believe in their football abilities. But Microice is not. The difference between them is that Microice's house is poor. It seems that he did not believe in his talents and dreams because he was poor...?

Mice: Aarch has that gang leader bellow hot on his heels you know? I'm in a good position to know that doesn't make you want to stick around too long in the same spot.

D'jok : Why? you gave him his tickets back didn't you?

Mice : yeah, but that doesn't mean he's my best friend or anything.

>comment : The story behind this is detailed in The Rival of Akillian, which was officially published.

Rocket : Why do you still resent your brother? after all these years?

Norata : I resent them because of all these years

Rocket : everyone deserves a second chance

Norata : WHAT ABOUT ME? DID I GET A SECOND CHANCE? not a day doesn't go by that I don't suffer being a martyr. Aarch still ha his two legs..... I hope he uses them to walk over a cliff

>comment : Norata's family business is a florist, and Norata does research to improve flowers of unusual colors. Norata hopes that his son will continue his work. So he gave him a snowmobile to deliver flowers. The backstory comes in detail in the novel. Norata doesn't send Rocket to school, but homeschools him. So, Rocket is a loner without any friends of his age.

Aarch abandoned his planet, where the disaster began. He abandoned his brother, who had one leg amputated, and left to fulfill his dream. Norata had no one to turn to. his wife leaves, and the son is a newborn baby. In the novel, it is mentioned that his parents were crushed to death when the stadium collapsed. The only remaining brother, Aarch, had to stay in Akillian and take care of his brother and nephew. However, he abandoned everything for his dream and moved to The Shadows. This is Aarch's sin.

I understand Norata's mind.

>comment : Mice is very good at riding magnt boards. Four childhood friends + Sinedd all have their own personal boards, and they are mentioned to be good at boards.

>comment : Akillian's stadium was crushed to death during an ice age incident, so it is mentioned that no one comes near here.

Aarch : yong man you have a habit of falling from the sky.

Mice : another thing I'm good at is slipping out the window but I'll take the elevator this time.

Aarch : hold on kid. there's something you can do for me

>comment : Microice's joke is funny. It's interesting that Aarch's name for Mice changes from Young man to kids.

D'jok : we finally had our chance to do something with our lives something big

Thran : one thing's for sure the red tigers sure aren't gonna take us bunch of snubs

Mice's mother : So boys, microice isn't ready? you know a boy, your age, short, sly, nervous, always has an answer for everything? they say he's a friend of yours but somehow I still can't believe that

Mice : perhaps you're looking for me because when people look for me? they find me not like aarch's case except that i managed to find him without even looking for him.....

> Comment : D'jok wants to get out of his reality. Same with twins. I think I know from whom MICE's jokes were inherited.

> Comment : 4 childhood friends who spread the news to their friends for Aarch's test. They seem to have a lot of friends they know because they used to go to school. The boy Ahito broke the news to is a friend who goes with Sinedd. He immediately delivers the news to bald leader Gang.

Mice : I'm out of here. nothing left for me to do

Aarch : you don't want to stick around for the test?

Mice : Tests aren't really my things. just hearing the word makes me think I'm in school.

[The moment when Microice falls in love with Mei at first sight]

Sinedd : what's up with you microice? you look more stupid than usual.

Mice : Sinedd! what'd you come for to keep an eye on your friends bags? oh I forgot! you don't have any friends!

Sinedd : I'd rather have no friends than have yours!

D'jok : That's not nice Sinedd! you disappoint me?

Sinedd : I'm gonna destroy all of on the playing field. I got more talent in my little toe than all of you combined

Mice : That's what we're here to see buddy.

> Comment: What happened to Sinedd, Mice, and D'jok? Sinedd always quarrel with Mice. D'jok protects his friend. Why did you fight? I want to know why.

Ahito : Are you staying for the tryouts?

D'jok : It wouldn't happen to be because of this girl by any chance would it?

Mice : gils? what gilr?

D'jok, Ahito, Thrans : laugh

> Comment : I think everyone knows that Mike likes girls. I think he wants a girlfriend. And, that Mice didn't know a pretty girl like mei, it's likely Mei was homeschooled like Rocket. Her mom would have homeschooled her.

To be continued....

[hey-must-be-a-devilbetween-us]

Everyone seems to be jumping on this shitting on the writing of Good Omens 2 band wagon and I just...don't see it?

I mean I am a person who values my own opinion and taste, (knowing its definitely not for everyone, I have some acquired weirdness), I'm no scholar but I think I have a fair amount of media literacy, I've been to a few classes and in some advanced creative writing when I was in high school and I've just ya know, read a lot of books and a lot of books about writing so like...

Idk maybe I need to go back and watch it again with a more critical eye and less of a fanatical eye, but I've read Good Omens many times, and I've watched the first season many times, and to me S2 seemed to be pretty on-par with the quality of writing we've seen so far, nothing jumped out at me as low quality?

Its just a different kind of story, the stakes weren't as high, we're starting literally in the middle (you can see that without anyone having to tell us) and the expectations being built up of how close Crowley and Aziraphale have become in comparison to Gabriel and Beelzebub and Nina and Maggie, and maybe the subversion of 'oop they're actually getting split up' was maybe obvious, but wasn't it supposed to be? Isn't that what the bridge season 2 is supposed to be, leading to how they start the true sequel split up?

Sure it was very fanservice-y but that's because its...truly for the fans, I don't see anything wrong with that.

I think a lot of you guys aren't remembering that Good Omens was always a book built around two buddies sending each other bits and pieces of a story through a floppy disk in the mail with the express goal of making the other ring them on the phone to laugh until they cried.

Good Omens has always been pretty cheesy and punny and goofy and playing off 'wow being human is weird, lets put a lens on that' with a great dash of wit and sarcasm and affection in there, sure some bits are pretty exciting but that's just the bookends of all the lovely nonsense, but well crafted nonsense, like a fairy tale almost.

I'm not trying to start a flame war or anything (though I'm not anyone I doubt anyone will care), but I've seen a lot of posts mocking fans who enjoyed the second season and making fun of fans sending Neil Gaiman asks being all excited and just calling him and everyone who worked on it a shitty writer and idk it really brought down the party for me, seems a really...interesting take when there's a writers strike going on but idk I don't see why people have to be so mean and callous about our silly religion fanfiction show but that's probably expecting too much out of the internet.

That's not to say I'm gonna sit here and say you have to like it and think its perfect because that's silly, its not perfect, everyone has different tastes, and of course its okay to make jokes about writing goofs, people have been making fun of Good Omens in the Good Omens fandom since its publish date.

I just genuinely don't see the quality dip, it seems like the same Gaiman Pratchett-y Goodness I've known, just new and more of it, with more modern jokes.

If anyone wants to have some friendly discourse I might not always reply to this thread but my asks should be open I just wanna understand where everyone is coming from, if anyone has some insight on the consensus that its 'bad writing.'

[arcaneoddity]

Writer Interview Game

Thanks again for the tag, @torterrachampion <3

When did you start writing?

I've pretty much been writing forever tbh. Started taking it more seriously when I was like... idk, 12ish? I still have a cringe ass German Sonic self-insert OC thing lying around on a hard drive somewhere I'm sure. Only started publishing my fanfic at age 15 or so, that's around the time I switched to writing in English too. I don't really do original stuff, my planning capabilities and attention span just aren't enough for that.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

When it comes to non-fanfic stuff I enjoy a good thriller and things involving murder investigations. Don't enjoy visual gore but can handle it well in written form, usually.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I dunno, I'm just kinda making shit up as I go lmao. There is one fic that I kinda see as The Pinnacle of everything I care about and want to portray in my writing, this absolute Break/Reim gem by calliope_love on dreamwidth. I'm not actively trying to emulate the author or anything, I just feel like this piece has shaped me in several ways and I need to lie tf down about it.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

That's either at my PC (that's where most of the proofreading/editing takes place at any rate), or... pretty much wherever I have my phone on me and inspiration strikes. Most chaotic place I've written fic at was sat on the grass somewhere in the very back of the crowd at a concert during a metal festival. I'll let that speak for itself.

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

To be honest... I've stopped trying to force it. I used to beat myself up about not getting anything done, but that didn't work out and only made me feel more miserable. These days it can indeed take a good while for inspiration to strike, or I get five ideas at a time, but I'm feeling better about it this way. It's not like I'm writing for money or anything, so it doesn't really matter in the end.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I'm a big sucker for romance and characters finding trust and unconditional love in each other, especially in a hurt/comfort kind of context. It's all about that emotional catharsis. Also... I tend to write sex as a character study. That's the niche I've carved myself out and I'm comfy in here.

What is your reason for writing?

I enjoy exploring characters' motives behind their actions, their emotional state, their connect to those around them. Writing's also my idea of an outlet for myself, in a way, it helps to process certain themes through a different lens.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I'm told I'm pretty good at capturing nuanced emotions, especially the heavier and conflicted kind. This is backed up by my friends telling me I hurt their feelings, which I count as an achievement.

How do you feel about your own writing?

I'm pretty happy with where I am tbh. Ofc there's always room for improvement I guess, and not everything's gonna come out the way I want it to, but I don't explicitly strive to get anywhere in particular. I will say though... I do have my moments that have me going, I wrote that?? Damn. B)

Gently sliding this across the table to @morocosmos (no pressure whatsoever tho) and anyone else who wants to take a stab at it!

[kerryweaverlesbian]

2023, cawis created...

Last year I made a post (which I cannot find) delighted to have published 81,932 words to Ao3 over 20 fics. This year I beat that with 111,227! 25 fics new last year! and that's not including poetry or things I only posted to tumblr! How wonderful!! I'm gonna do a little commentary on each of them (and I will thoughtfully put it below the cut because as I said there are 25. There is a "horny" section with some explicit quotes so just scroll past to the next heading if you don't want to see that lol.

Comedies I like to go hehehe hahaha

Stakes Aren't Just For Vampires Cas and Dean get high and silly "You're repulsive," Dean says by rote, and he isn't sure if he meant it to but it comes out cloying and sweet, like an affectionate nickname.

The first one I posted last year! It took me until March :0 I wrote this one. For maybe a slightly mean reason haha. I saw a fic where Cas did a bet for money and I was like ?? why would CAS care about getting money?? So I tried to think of a situation where he would make a bet and this one materialized!

Did you notice! I used the old reliable Rule Of Three to make the ending of Dean not sure if he said "I love you" or just thought it more potent? He thinks and then immediately says what he's thinking twice before: Cas is perfect/"You're perfect" - Dean wants to kiss him/"I want to kiss you" - and then: "I love you Cas," he thinks he says. I chose "1000 dollars" from the CBBC comedy sketch show Stupid sketch where 2 old ladies ask how much something costs and it's a normal amount and they mishear as "A thousand pounds?! You can't expect me to buy a bun for a thousand pounds. Shame on you!! I am taking my business ELSEWHERE!". The comments won't all be this long lmao (<- edit: she's wrong)

I'll Drink To That Sam and Dean both come out as bisexual at the same time late in life and they're both flabbergasted "What, do you think about how every friend we have would be in bed?"  Dean tips his head to the ceiling thoughtfully and Sam wants to melt into the floor.  "You're horrible. I hate you. I hate spending time with you." 

The SECOND one I posted last year!! I had to cut off a joke where it's suggested that Cas may have had sex with Jesus Christ (but it's very possible he's just messing with Dean) for the sake of flow. First fic I chatted with @homoangel about so I always think of him when I think of this fic <3

I'VE CRAWLED FURTHER INTO THE VCR Cas's dream of being vored by the VCR machine is finally realised Intricate, high effort collaboration, all for the relatively unimportant end of entertaining other humans for somewhere around an hour and a half. The entire enterprise amounts to making pleasing shapes and noises for each other. Fruitless. Pointless...To spend months, years even, producing something, the only purpose of which is to waste more time…the decadence was astounding. [horny]

Speaking of fics that make me think of my friends! Wrote this for dear @castielsprostate's 1k event. Get weird get wild!! He is THE teevee angel and I love him I love him I love him for it!!!!!!

Tragedies Auogh ouch ow ouchies. Hehe <3

The Aftermath Dean and Cas have sex. It was great. Dean can't let it happen again. "He wonders - and he shouldn't, but - he wonders if Cas will sit here again, later, feeling out the absences that Dean is going to leave behind."

The THIRD one I posted this year!!! I went directly from silly silly silly to "[Dean] is a practical man, always has been. If there's something behind you that would kill you to look at it, you just don't look at it.". I think this is one of my best (<- guy who is going to say this about most of her fics sajbfhsv. I wouldn't post them if I wasn't proud of them!!)

Time/Body Problem Cas and Dean make out in the car before Cas's date in Heaven Can't Wait. It doesn't change anything. he's all sensation now, mind-body-time melted together like carved figures on a wax candle.

I wrote this and Aftermath on the same day. I was THINKING about how Dean and Cas so so so often ALMOST have it. Dean, here, is enthralled by the idea that Cas is human now and could want him (although, Cas definitely also wants him as an angel lmao but this is what Dean thinks) but also put off by it. When they kiss, he sees Cas as angelic, with a streetlamp halo, able to melt time, but when Cas is walking away from him, he's just some human guy who, crucially, can't save Dean anymore. Cas had reliably been the guy who could blast into any dangerous situation and come out on top (hot) and while that's not the only thing Dean likes about him, it WAS such a relief for scaredboy dangerlife Dean to have a guy who makes things SAFE. And now he can't. So the risk of making their relationship deeper feels even greater. Perhaps it is a selfish thought for Dean to want Cas to be able to rescue him still, but they're both in such perilous positions. He's worried for Cas too.

Oh did yous get the title by the way? It's like the mind/body problem which is, 'is the mind separate from the body or are they completely inextricable'? 'If I think of something sad and start crying while I'm hormonal, is that feeling from by body or from my mind' is how I understand it, but I'm not a philosopher haha. So time/body problem is like, all three of: Does their relationship need human senses and physical touch in order to be meaningful? Does Castiel's new experience of linear time (aka not being an angel) change how he and Dean relate to each other? And also, the more straightforward, they don't have enough time. Not to say I thought all that when the phrase came into my head, it's just bc I knew the phrase mind/body problem and mind slant rhymes with time, but that's why I liked it enough to use as a title haha.

Smoke Breaks series Dean and Cas share cigarettes at different points in their lives. Cas trails off, taking another long pull. He's going to smoke the whole thing at this rate, rude and overindulgent. Dean doesn't begrudge him, neither the cigarette nor the silence. He knows what he means. 

Someone told me in the comments that reading the first one fit exactly into their actual smoke break I was like WOAH :0!!! Smoking is, unfortunately, really sexy.......I keep trying to think of a way to add another fic to make this thing end on a positive note but the theme of smoking thwarts that haha. Inherently, it is about doing something you know is unhealthy and grey and makes you feel worse, like hunting, like endverse Cas's relationship with endverse Dean, like coming back to see the lover you hurt when you can't touch them or change anything, but it's always bitter sweet because you sometimes get that burst of relief. (That's not a commentary on smokers, just on the theme of smoking as used by this series!)

The last one I think drives that home most bluntly, "No amount of talking is going to change anything." but they still hold on to each other. Also in the last one, I just wanted them to be in kind of miserable surroundings and decided on a weird, dank, alice in wonderland themed motel room, which is a) something interesting to describe when I need space between dialogue and b) the ill-advised freaky looking murals of half-humanoid Wonderland characters is a reflection of how Castiel feels - not human enough, not Other enough, twisted out of shape and c) it 'reflects' (I'm about to do a pun) their relationship has gone 'through the looking glass' (teehee) from the understood 'brothers in arms' to a strange, uncertain place where the rules have changed.

Shaking Out The Nest John gets frustrated by Dean asking to visit Sam at college. "I talk a lot of shit, but [Sam]'s always gonna be family. He's..." the only reason I'm alive, same as you, John can't quite get to come out of his mouth, so instead he repeats, "He's good."

In the demon plane episode where it's revealed that John would rave about Sam getting a full scholarship to Stanford. I think about it SO MUCH. John loved his kids but that didn't make him a suitable parent. I wanted to explore those complicated emotions and the thought patterns that might lead him to what he does. Like I don't think it's deliberately thought out scheming malice that makes him say things that make Dean feel worthless. But he only sees him as a kid when he "fails" at being an "adult" (as in, when Dean disagrees with him) and he thinks it's his job as a parent to tell Dean to knock that off. He wouldn't see his reframing of Sam leaving to "He left both of us because of his pettiness" as playing them off against each other, even though he IS, he'd see it as telling the hard truth and trusting his son to be a grown up about it. John is very emotional and parenting just via your own emotions rather than being able to step back and go 'am I being fair? is this a reasonable response to what's actually happening?' leads to situations like John blaming Dean for the Schtriga incident or saying he should 'rot in jail' for stealing peanut butter.

Horny ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Close Zoom (too close) Dean and Cas make out for the first time while watching a movie. Cas gets overexcited. [Cas] replays the experience of holding Dean; the way his eyelids had fluttered shut with relief when their mouths first connected; the lean in by increments that ended with Dean on top of him....He wants to touch him. No, he amends the oft repeated thought, he wants to touch him again. 

I also wrote this inspired by going huh??? from another fic where they watch a movie together on a date on a first date and DON'T make out like. What are we doing here gang. If they are "watching a movie" and enjoy making out, then they ARE making out before the credits roll lmao. (In MY humble opinion!!!) Obviously chose The Mummy bc Dean's bisexual and I KNOW that man is showing Cas all his Formative To My Sexuality movies as a move to try and suss out what Cas's preferences are. The Lost Boys, Mr & Mrs Smith, Van Helsing, Labyrinth, Indiana Jones, Charlie's Angels, the list goes on.... Also my first installment with Cas having a bit of a pain kink (excited by the thought of a shock collar lol which I havvve been thinking about doing something more with.)

I have. by the way. a second work in progress where Cas gets wayyy more worked up than he was expecting and Dean is similar to here, slowing him down so it's not overwhelming, so look forward to it!!!!

Thunderstruck Cas has them struck by lightening while Dean sucks him off. HELL YEAH. Emanating from Castiel are intermittent bursts of white electric light, shocking across the black sky, sketching outlines of six invisible spread wings. That same light forms thin circular halos behind Cas’s head, some small, some so massive Dean can only see them in pieces. His eyes too - completely obscured by brilliant white light. He is radiant in all senses of the word. 

hehehehe. If your boyfriend can make it safe to be struck by lightening like you GOTTA do it just for the experience. I decided to have Dean not be like, blown away by it (but he is blown away by seeing a bit of trueform Cas) and instead find it just kind of weird but not bad to try and be true to life. sometimes you try something and don't love it or hate it and that's okay! Normal part of having sex. Sex is just another activity with lots of things you can do with it. That, and, it can't all be high points lol. That's why Cas is a little subdued when Dean says he only has 6 wings. peaks and valleys :)

The Feeling Is Enough Service top Dean :) "Cas - Cas, please...please can I come?" Cas doesn't say anything, just smiles up at him adoringly.

This one was bc @faithdeans lamented the lack of service top Dean destiel and I raced to his aid. Literally Dean would LOVE doing this.

Red Velvet Lines The Black Box Vampire!Dean sucking Cas's blood :) Cas is the only angel human enough to have workable blood.... And even if there were anyone else, Dean wouldn't want them. His is the only blood in Dean's veins.

This one was bc @domesticatedangel lamented the lack of vampire destiel smut and I raced to her aid. Castiel the rebel angel being horny over being given an order that he chooses to follow of his own volition? It's more likely than you think! The unmissable return of Castiel's pain kink lmao, even moreso in the second chapter. His penis! in peril!!!!!

The Girl Is Dead. Long Live The Woman. (Anna/Pamela*) Anna visits Pamela to find out what she wants and they have sex :) "I'm not used to - being part of things still. Being touchable. I didn't make the most of it, as a human. I didn't do enough. I was afraid. Embarrassed of my own feeling. I think I wasted my life."  "Be fair. You were a kid for most of it. You didn't know who you were." 

THIS one was because @honestlyhaunted lamented the lack of Pamela/Anna smut and I RACED to their aid. You may be noticing a theme. It's quite possible that if you sigh forlornly over a lack of erotica and I see it that something will be done about it. No promises though lol.

I tried to go for a more season 4 and 5 "everyone just fully states their unique moral philosophy out loud" vibe. And a "Pamela's disability actually affects her life in a practical way" vibe that the show itself elected to ignore. I DID get distracted a few times from my goal of "they have hot sex" because I got too invested in Anna's weird life. As I said in a comment response, Anna is the butterfly that wants to squash herself back into her cocoon. She went from being very emotionally present in her body as a human to having a very flat affect as an angel again (in part because she didn't feel the need to mask her autism anymore. Anna's autistic just like Cas and Hannah and people are not saying this!!!!). And, finally. I wanted a woman to have sex with a woman using a strap on because I hadn't done that yet LOL.

*If this ship was more prominent we could be calling it Pamelanna which is very fun to say.

The Dog, the Lamb and the Butcher Dean and Crowley are having sex during their summer of love and Cas is caught watching them >:3 Then again, fairness doesn't seem to be the watchword here. Dean's looking up at him with what could be adoration, but there's a wildness to him too, a sparkling mischief that undercuts any implied promise of loyalty.  "You like me, don't you Cas? You like me. Uhhn -" A groan born out of Crowley picking up the pace again, making Dean rock into the mattress, "You like me. You like me all the time, no matter what I do. You even like me now." 

Nobody asked for this I have no one to blame but myself. I love and adore the Dean who cannot speak his feelings no matter how much he wants to but there is always room in my heart for an overemotional Demon!Dean who says and does whatever he wants because he's lost the ability to care about the consequences. We could have had it alllllll.

Ask for it Cas caught casturbating by Dean. What happens next WON'T surprise you. His breathing is labored, and he's making quiet sounds of effort, which probably have something to do with the fact that his fingers are pushing in and out of the wet, open pussy between his legs. The pace doesn't slow at Dean's interruption, giving Dean ample time to absorb the image of Cas’s long fingers being swallowed to the last knuckle. 

I am asking here now. I am the one sighing forlornly. I don't CARE that there are already 232 accidental voyeurism destiel fics. MAKE MORE. SHOW ME MORE. SHOW ME MORE. I WANT TO READ MORE. MORE SHAMELESSLY SELF-PLEASURING CASTIEL AND/OR DEAN AND THEY DON'T HAVE A SOCIAL SCRIPT FOR THIS SITUATION SO THEY'RE JUST GOING ON INSTINCT AND THEIR INSTINCT IS TO BE CRAZY HORNY ABOUT IT. SHOW ME MORE!!!!!

Ahem. Or don't teehee. This was my most self indulgent smut (and that's really saying something!!!!). I highly recommend just fuckin going for it because it means I get to reread something all the time that is exactly suited to my tastes!! Hell yeah!!

Fluff :3 this is uwu-hat uwu've aww been uwu-ating fow :3

Pretty Wife Closeted to even himself genderqueer Dean inadvertently insists that he's Cas's wife. Neither of them are opposed! "I think I understand," Cas says, nodding to himself with his 'I got it' smile, "Yes. We are playing roles. I will 'take out the trash' while you 'sit there and look pretty'."

My kingdom for genderqueer dean. He's literally butch. Helloooo!!

Okay that's all for fluff. LOL. SORRY. I post most of my fluff directly to tumblr!!

Carefully Plotted!!! These are the big ones!!!!!!!! All three of these are "One of my best".

A Light Above Descending Cas gives Dean his Grace to calm his Mark of Cain rages. He assumes Dean doesn't remember what he tells him when he's being fed, so he allows himself to be kind. He assumes Dean would prefer that he quietly sacrifice his life for him. He assumes that he hasn't got any family left who love him. He's wrong. A rat gets what a rat gets, is the phrase that repeats in his head, although he can’t speak them over the pounding of his heart, a rat gets what a rat gets.

I have talked about this one at great length in my #cawis commentary tag so I will not reiterate here. Other than that I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo so so so so proud of it and I love it so much.

The Voice In My Earpiece Thinks You're An Idiot (Jo/Bela) JoBela heist fic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“If anyone touches you again, I will cut off their fingers.” The fierce darkness of the promise plunges into Bela’s stomach, like a punch. Nobody has ever made her a promise like that before. Not one she believed, anyway.  “Do you believe me?” “That would -” Bela clears her throat, finding her voice croaky - “That would blow our cover.” “I don’t care.”  She means it. Bela remembers what Jo said when they properly introduced themselves - “I make a promise, I keep it.”. Stupid, it is, to throw away their plans over a few moments of discomfort. Ridiculous. Childish. “Do you believe me?” Jo repeats, and Bela nods, jerky, unpracticed. “Yes.” She takes a breath, then says again, “Yes.”

They get the biggest quote because theyyy mean so much to meeeee. I'll probably do another cawis commentary on this at some point bc there are too many things I did on purpose to say them all here. For now: when the woman who's learned to never trust anyone comes to trust the woman who's never felt trusted. And they banter and have hot lesbian sex. ROMANCE.

In Case of Emergency S1 Faith!Dean gets a new roommate at the hospital who's weird and intense and unexplainable things happen to him at night. I wonder who it could beeeee surely no one who's significant to Dean!!! (It's S5 Cas when he did the angel banishing sigil on his own chest) One of the machines on the other side starts going crazy with noise just as the curtain is cast back in a dramatic swish. The shadow of a man looms, sinister and ominously silent. He's watching Dean, but Dean can't do the same, his face impossible to make out. A red light flashes off kilter to his head from his monitors, and Dean gets the absurd thought that it looks like a knocked off halo. 

You know it you love it it's In Case Of Emergency. I just think. They DON'T have a supernatural soulmate connection but they just get on as people. If they met at any time in each other's lives for the very first time (aside from Godstiel lol) they would end up getting along! They click! They LIKE each other!

I thought a lot about the Sam role in this fic. If you have 3 people and 2 of them want something (to hang out all the time) then the 3rd person SHOULD be getting in the way of that (closing the curtain) for a believable reason (Dean needs to rest and stop tiring himself out with this random stranger!!!). Sam comparing Dean's imminent demise to Mary's death and Dean eventually asking what he'd want Mary to say to him (with the subtext; what can I say to make it better that I'm dying) made me cry as I wrote it and every time I reread it. It's making me cry NOW lol. augh fuck im rereading i'm crying. turns out. when you write exactly what touches you emotionally. you feel touched. emotionally. to read it.

Also this fic now makes me think of darling @forestofsprites bc they've left such wonderfully kind tags every time they've reblogged it :') ily

Misc I dunno. These don't fit in the other categories lol.

6th Life's The Charm! Sarah Blake/Bela Meow!!!!! Sarah gets a mysterious commission to find a painting, and a strangely perceptive cat follows her home the same day. But those can't possibly be connected I'm sure. Smiling with her eyes closed, Sarah puts a hand on B's back and touches. Skin.  She startles awake and jerks her hand away. By the embers of the fire, she can see the woman lying on top of her....The woman is watching her, smiling, and her pupils are strange. They creep a little too far into her irises. She's also the most beautiful woman Sarah has ever seen. Stunning, in both senses of the word.  "No questions?" The woman asks eventually, as Sarah's silent stare ticks on. Her tone is a) British and b) faintly mocking, like she knows something Sarah doesn't. 

Little turned into a kitty cat romcom!! I do fun little asides in footnote format! Middle aged yaoi ummmm but what about middle aged YURI??? Sarah references Sex in the City and is having a midlife crisis what more do you want from me!!! I did want to have a little moment of Sarah saying "sorry about the collar attempt" and Bela flirtily going "hmm, I think it'd look better on you" and Sarah spontaneously combusting but it didn't quite flow. Maybe in the horny sequel I kinda want to write...

MEOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello, Sun In My Face Cas realises he's in love with Dean. The natural thing to do is to tell him right away. "Don't," Dean pleads, and it's not clear whether he means don't love me or don't tell me. Either way, Cas is going to let him down.  "I love you," Cas repeats, firmly, "I have loved you. I will love you. That's all."

Too angsty for the fluff section, too sweet for the tragedies. What are you. As may be clear from previous works, in MY world, Dean and Cas platonically sleep together every night and snuggle the whole time :3 even if it's a world where they're aromantic I firmly believe this would be the case. When I say platonic I am not saying it with a wink and a nudge, as a few scattered comments seem to suggest they think. But also in this one they are also romantically in love haha.

How Do You Go From Wanting To Having? When Cas stumbles back to life after escaping from the Empty, Dean can't speak the words in his heart. But he can write them. You can have it, and variations thereupon: You can have it, damn it; could have fucking taken me, asshole; what do you think is supposed to make me happy now, you arrogant, stupid son of a bitch?

I don't know if I made the most of this premise lol but I had fun building the evidence of grief into the Bunker. They pushed a heavy object in front of the door to the dungeon so they didn't have to see it, Dean filled his room with lights so he didn't have to be in the dark (a general post-canon headcanon of mine that both Dean and Cas have lamps on all night), Dean's stiff position during his nightmare. Little clues that Cas does NOT pick up on bless his heart.

This Is A Love That Lasts Forever It's about Claire giving Cas a haircut. It's about grief. It's about love. Cas remembers - though he shouldn't, ethically - sending Claire for a time out for saying the word 'damn' when she was 6, though she surely couldn't have known what it meant. Swinging her hand on the way to church on Sundays. Clapping for her awkward turn at playing Mary in the Christmas Nativity. Loving Claire had only deepened Jimmy's love of God, and this was the love that Castiel had taken advantage of. He doesn't deserve even a moment of Claire’s forgiveness. 

Last one! I uploaded this on the 29th of December but it ISSSSSS absolutely 1000% one of my best. Cas and Claire's relationship in canon is so WEIRD. One doesn't typically accept grumpy cats from the guy wearing your dad's corpse as a skin suit??? Even if he's kind of nice to you?? So this is my way of figuring out how to make it make sense. She can't ditch Cas because that's where all her dad's love is stored and nobody else in her life knows her dad anymore. And they both have to try and make that work.

I had a different ending in mind for a little while - Claire completing the haircut and then going oh my god. now you don't look like my dad anymore. what have I done now I won't remember him I'm so stupid!!! put it back how it was!! and Cas is like um I can't do that though I'm low on Grace and Claire cries herself out about it and they talk about having to get used to new, unfamiliar circumstances. But I like what I went with more (obviously. because I wrote it lol).

Little headcanons that I carried across from other works: - Claire will allow Donna to be as cutesy and affectionate as she likes and Donna calls her "Claire-bear" and nobody can figure out why it's a shy little happy smile when Donna pats her cheek and beams at her and she would kill anyone else who tried it with her laser eyes. I do though, I know why. It's bc of Donna's easy open affection that genuinely isn't trying to hide anything. Claire knows Donna isn't faking it because Donna is kind to everything and everyone. She would have a harder time with Garth though even though Donna and Garth are very similar in this regard, just because. Well. The girl has been traumatized and betrayed by so many "nice" men. God how did I get onto this. Donna is the mom/aunty figure Claire has needed for a long time. I talk about this in Growing A New Half Soul - Angel's were never children I talk about in A Light Above Descending.

THE END.

If you've read this. Are you sure you didn't have anything better to do with your time avhsbv but thank you!!! Go follow all the friends I've @'d because then they might do follower events and I might write more things as a result!!!! Also go and write some dean walking in on cas masturbating fic and then send it to me.

My challenge for you is to think about women falling in love with other women. Wow, beautiful, right? And also to think of ONE thing you did that you are proud of this year. Even and in fact especially if it's something you're not "supposed" to be proud of. Did you find something new you liked. Were you kind to someone. Were you kind to yourself when you didn't have to be. All these and more are things to take pride in.

I, for one, am proud of having written 111,227 words of complete short fiction!!!!! So much so that I wrote another 4936 words talking about them here :)

[mermaidsirennikita]

Thank you so much for all your detailed recommendations!! I'm a picky reader and often disappointed by recs from my real life friends so this blog is like a gold mine to me.

Given how much you've read in the genre, I'm curious what makes a really great romance in your opinion? And are there any flaws in a romance novel you just can't look past?

You're so welcome! I enjoy doing it. I too am often disappointed by RL recs lol. Currently, I don't know that my tastes always align with what's happening in trad publishing, so I kind of have to look off the beaten path for books myself.

I hope you don't mind me publishing my answers, because I find this really interesting.

As for what makes a great romance novel--for me, I think that big feeling is what takes a romance into greatness. Taking the love story that extra mile, taking the risk that really moves me? That's what takes it to another level. And I do tend to love big swings and risks; that does often make a book appeal to me more. But that's because those big swings tend to yield a higher volume of emotion.

And that doesn't mean every book has to be like... As dramatic as Dreaming of You, or Mafia Madman, or Lothaire. Heated Rivalry is a novel I love with all my heart, which I've re-read multiple times. It is, in many ways, a slice of life book. The plot is the character development and emotion. However, those emotions are challenging, and not easy, and I found myself completely and utterly invested in the character development as a result. I could say the same of a book like The Duke Gets Even--really, more of a character book than a plot book. Nobody does anything INSANE. But it feels like people have their hearts on the line, and that's what I want. To me, you can have a good romance without that sense of "oh my God, I am losing my head to this" in the story. But I don't know if you can have a GREAT one without it.

I think some of the BEST romances have a moment where you're genuinely like "I know there's an HEA, but I am kind of sweating it right now".

There are flaws I can't look past. Aside from the more political ones, I'd say what I can't really get over is:

--A lack of tension. To go back to Heated Rivalry--nobody is in danger of dying in that book. But people do have their careers and personal lives at stake. Even a "brother's best friend" contemporary romcom can have stakes (what if someone finds out) though... in some ways, I think a contemporary romcom is kind of more difficult to write than some of the alternatives. Because it is harder to add stakes to scenarios that aren't really THAT big a deal. You need to pitch the emotion in a big way.

But yeah. If a book is just two people feeling relatively comfortable, I don't want it. What am I reading for?

--Conversely, if the tension is forced... we've got a problem. Again, this is a tough needle to thread with contemporary romcoms, and the threading is usually in the character development. I'll use a non-Heated Rivalry example lol. In a contemporary romance I recently loved, Kristen Callihan's The Friend Zone, nobody is going to die if Gray and Ivy ruin the friendship and get together and then break up. But Callihan spends a lot of the book making you recognize how much those two value and lean on each other, so the stakes feel higher. Additionally, she gives both Gray and Ivy backgrounds that shape how big and risky crossing that line feels for them. She WEAVES these aspects into the story, rather than word vomiting at us. She writes good chemistry.

All of these things add to the tension. Whereas tbh, a lot of books I've read recently have had this incredibly forced sense of stakes. These are books wherein I'm like "okay, but you're a grown woman, why do you CARE if your brother finds out you're fucking his bestie" (this is just a tough one to pull off with adult contemporaries, let's be super real). It feels incredibly contrived, and I'm gonna be real. The only way you can handle this is with good writing. There are subpar writers who can make books work if the story itself is a good concept, even if it's not as good as it could've been had a better writer been working on it. But to me, if a story is simple, the writing needs to be good to beef it up.

--Going back to contemporaries... Oooh, boy, I can't do the "he's kinda conservative and learns the errors of his ways when he falls for her" thing in recently published books. It's not that the guy needs to be perfectly on the up and up (more on that in a minute). But when I read a book set in 2024 and the guy calls women "females" (and it isn't a demon/vampire/whatever lol) and talks about how crazy women are, whatever... Nah. That's a no from me. It's like--what's his excuse? He's not in the 1800s. He's not a warlord. He's FRED FROM WORK. I deal with that shit enough in real life to know that it's not something I want to have to fix.

--Conversely, I also think there's something really boring and bad about books right now, regardless of the genre, that feel like they're ticking Acceptable Behavior Boxes. Like, the amount of times I've read books where... and I'll be honest here... there is TOO MUCH asking for consent? Yes yes, it's all nice and good.

But is it something that feels authentic to human behavior? Yes. A quick "you sure?" is one thing. When a hero sits back and is like "[heroine], I want to make sure you're comfortable and that we're both fully consenting" I'm like... who the fuck talks like this during a random hookup lmao.

And this is FICTION. When I constantly see the rhythm of a scene--not even a sex scene, all the time--interrupted so that a character, usually the hero (which in itself feels kind of weird, as men aren't the only ones who can violate consent) can give a spiel about how very aware he is... It feels so fake lmao. FAKENESS is the big flaw here.

A really good example of this sort of... over-awareness, imo, is Lisa Kleypas removing the kiss in the dark scene from the prologue of Secrets of a Summer Night. The scene before literally just has a quick kiss--nothing more--between Simon and Annabelle when a room goes dark. He doesn't ask for consent. He kisses her. She doesn't flip out. It's intriguing. It's fine. To me, the fact that this was overthought to the point that the scene was removed... You FEEL that kind of calculation, and the calculation and artificiality that comes with it really fucks with a book for me. (See: the changes to It Happened One Autumn, on a bigger scale. Those changes ruin a great book.)

I'm sue there's more I can't deal with lol, but those are some of the issues!

[cerberuscaeli]

Hii everyone!

As you may have seen, I've been slowly revamping this blog and I have some reasons as to why.

1. I have lost interest in Genshin a lot. I don't feel the enjoyment of playing it anymore, I don't enjoy grinding and while I used to be an Archon Quest player. I haven't touched the new one at all. I've been missing out on a lot of events. I even lost interest in ly favorite characters. Genshin isn't just it for me anymore. Yes, I do still cosplay some Genshin characters but it isn't that often. (Con's aren't closely to my town. It's always a roadtrip to get one, but I have a lot of cons on my list I wanna go too.)

2. I've been busy with irl. Focussing on finishing my education, doing my internship in health care wich isn't easy. Lot's of work and how health care for seniors is in Belgium is horrible but the Gouverment doesn't fix it. It's energy draining but I'm doing it with my heart, rven though I know my loan won't be great when I'll finish my studies and would fully work in health care. But I love it and that's all that matters, right?

3. I haven't been able to write anything in so long. I haven't continued any of my series and I won't continue them either. I'll might even delete them or put them on private. Who knows, maybe if I ever roll back into Genshin I might (re)publish them again. But it's an "if" and to say it in Max Verstappen his words: "I mean, it's always if, if, right? If my mum had balls, she would be my dad."

4. I've been more and more into the Resident Evil fandom (never left in the first place. Ya girl is even gonna cosplay Ada Wong and in the future as Leon too.) And ypu may have noticed that by the way I've been reblogging a lot of Resident Evil (fan)art. (+ slowly progressing in Resi Ev 4R lmaoo) it's also an interest a few friends of my are into as well. Me and my friend are going to do a duo Resi Ev cosplay. (Mother Miranda and Karl Heisenberg. We both are putting the cosplays together ourselves.) So, if I do end up writing again, you can bet it'll be Resident Evil centered. (Literally didn't spend hours in making RE characters into the Sims 4.))

5. What about my blog? I'll still keep the name but it will be more centered around Resident Evil and will be straying away from Genshin. It's the Ebg's that helped me realize how much interest I lost in the game. The first EBG, I was heavily active, the 2nd one I had to push myself so hard to participate that it was so mentally draining for me. Forcing yourself to do things you are no longer interested in is really demotivated. (+ bunch of mental health issues as well.)

Anyways, I'll be privating/deleting all my Genshin works. Thank you all so much for the support on each of my fics. Wether it was by liking, reblogging or commenting on it. I appreciate all of it a lot. ❤️

Thank you all for everything! ❤️

[greetingfromthedead]

Sooty's dilemma

I feel both inspired to write and like I can't write at all so instead of wallowing in self pity I try to decide what to do next since otherwise I might just stop completely.

You'll find extra info about the options below the cut if you care.

yes, I reposted the poll cause I managed to forget a project. whoops.

1. I still have quite a few chapters to edit of Tempest Wind and one more chapter to add to the story as planned from the beginning and then I'll publish everything at once on the other platforms (don't want to spam on Tumblr, will probably increase to publishing 3 chapters a day or so).

2. I have some more ideas regarding Tempest Wind that aren't in it.

3. Write a part 2 for the God AU Shepherd (God!Knives x Reader) and make it smut like it was gonna be anyway (perhaps even a sneaky part 3 for some angst?).

4. Keep writing Vash's Moving Castle and make it into a series following loosely the plot of Trigun Maximum, but it has a Howl's Moving Castle spin on it.

5. Don't tie myself to series and start writing more OneShots, but since I don't have that many ideas then I would probably have to find myself a promptlist or writing challenge. It would include different cast (mainly Vash, Wolfwood and Knives tho since I feel most comfortable with them), themes would vary from angst to fluff to smut. I will probably write some oneshots regardless of starting a series, but there would be a lot less of them.

6. Basically want to use a lot of the common enemies to lovers tropes because it looks fun to me, it might be cliche, but watch if I care. I have a very rough idea of it, reader would probably be an independent born on no-mans-land. Not sure on the direction. I did make a poll, but I messed it up a bit so the results are a bit iffy.

Interested in anything I write? Go check out my MASTERLIST and drop a follow for any and all future projects!