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#i don't know why i was even participating. i think i was just there for the larping
larluce · 19 hours
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Arthur and Merlin travel back in time without knowing the other is from the future too AU
LINKS TO THE OTHER PARTS OF THIS AU HERE: PART 1 , PART 2 , PART 3 , PART 4 , PART 5 , PART 6 , PART 7 , PART 8 , PART 9 , PART 10 , PART 11 , PART 12 , PART 13 , PART 14 , PART 15 , PART 16 , PART 17 , PART 18 , PART 19 , PART 20 , PART 21 , PART 22 , PART 23 , PART 24 , PART 25 , PART 26 , PART 27
In Merlin's chambers.
Merlin: (pacing, anxious and worried)
Gaius: (enters)
Merlin: (turns to Gaius quickly) How is he? Is he going to be okay?
Gaius: (serious) The King had a seizure, but he's stable now. He should be awake by tomorrow morning.
Merlin: (sighs in relief) Thank the gods!
Gaius: Now sit down (takes Merlin to the bed and sits him) I need to check your bruise.
Merlin: There's no need. It's not serious.
Gaius: (sharply) I know. But these are Prince's orders. (Checks Merlin's cheek) It's a bit swollen, but you'll live. (Puts ointment on the bruise) This should do. Now... (Very serious) What happened?
Merlin: (ashamed) I... I think I pissed him off so bad he collapsed.
Gaius: I figured, Merlin. Uther hit you. It's not difficult to put two and two together. What I need to know is WHAT did you do to piss Uther off so bad he collapsed.
Merlin: (more ashamed, mumbles) I...deny but-then he-and I...
Gaius: Merlin I need every detail, word by word what exactly did you tell the King, so I can find a way to defend you.
Merlin tells him exactly what happened and Gaius hears every word patiently, even when he feels the need to yell at Merlin every 30 seconds for how insolent and reckless Merlin had been.
Gaius: (after Merlin finishes) Alright... There's no way to defend you.
Merlin: What?! 😰
Gaius: You did not only defy the King's authority and raise your voice at him, you mocked him and insulted him! What were you thinking?!😡
Merlin: I don't know! I did what you said: deny, be submissive, be respectful, but he still believed I was guilty and then he said he would send me away from Arthur and I just... got mad!
Gaius: You should've been grateful Uther just wanted to send you away! You'll be lucky if he even grants you a quick and painless death now! You think that Uther is Arthur and will put up with your disrespect? He is the King!
Merlin: I know! I just.. forgot it for a moment. (sighs) I'll pack my things.
Gaius: Why?
Merlin: You said there was no way to defend me, so I'm leaving, like Uther sentenced.
Gaius: (lets out a dry laugh) You really don't get it, do you?
Merlin: (confused) What?
Gaius: How bad you really messed up! (stands up abruptly and moves his hands around as he talks in distress) When I told you'll be lucky if Uther grants a quick and painless death now, I meant it! Everyone thinks you tried to kill the King! And, honestly, I don't blame them. You were alone with the King when he "fainted" and have a fighting mark on your face. If I didn't know you, I would've believe it too. And you do realise that's the worst crime someone can be accused of, right?
Merlin: (pales) But I didn't-And Uther knows I-
Gaius: You think that with how paranoid he has been he won't think you provoque this seizure on him on purpose?
Merlin: ...
Gaius: Once Uther wakes up, you'll be enemy of the crown. You'll be hunted down so bad, not even outside Camelot you'll be safe. And when they get you... (his voice wavers, not able to say it, and sits on the bed again, defeated)
Merlin: But... I'm sure Arthur can do some-
Gaius: Arthur! Even he understands the gravity of the situation more than you do. Do you know where is the prince now?
Merlin: Looking after his father. Where else could he be?
Gaius: ...
Merlin: That's where he is, right?
Gaius: ...
Merlin: Gaius, where is Arthur?
Arthur in a reunion with all his Knights.
Arthur: I won't force you to participate. If your loyalty lays more with Uther than with me, I completely understand. He is still the King after all. But I need to know who will be on my side.
Merlin: (enters) Arthur! (runs to him)
Sir Innprudence: (murmurs) The apple of discord has arrived.
Sir Leon: (hits him, whispering) Silence!
Merlin: Tell me is not truth. Tell me you are not planning to overthrow the king!
Arthur: Alright, I won't tell you.
Merlin: Arthur!
Sir Ewan: (murmuring) Like he didn't plan this from the beginning.
Sir Leon: (whispers) Really? You too?
Sir Ewan: (whispers back) Is his fault we are about to do a rebellion! To think we defended him. But now we know what he is. A poisonous snake-
Merlin: You can't overthrow your own father, are you mad?! I won't let you!
Sir Owain: Listen to him, Sire!
Sir Ewan: Yes, he's talking nothing but reason!
Sir Leon: (whispers to Ewan) Didn't you just say he was a poisonous snake?
Sir Ewan: (whispers back) What are you talking about? I'd never talk bad about The Unicorn Catcher.
Arthur: Don't be ridiculous, Merlin. I'm not really overthrowing my father.
Merlin: You are not? 😧
Arthur: You think I'd take my father's throne by force when he's unconscious and therefore incapable of defending himself in any way? That's not just treason, is dishonorable!
Merlin: (sighs in relief)
Arthur: This is just a back up plan.
Merlin: A back up plan?
Arthur: Yes, my first plan is to try to talk him out of executing you as soon as he wakes up. If he forgives your life, everything will be solved.
Merlin: ... And if he doesn't?
Arthur: That's what the back up plan is for. 😊
Merlin: ...
Knights: ...
Sir Innprudence: Rebellion it is.😔
Merlin: You can't be serious. Arthur, you know Uther won't forgive me!
Arthur: (in denial) Don't be so negative, Merlin. I can try to persuade him. It might work.
Merlin: Arthur-
Arthur: This is just a last resort! If he doesn't see reason, I'll challenge him into a duel-
Merlin: Arthur-
Arthur: If he doesn't accept the duel, i'll ask the court for their support-
Merlin: Arthur-
Arthur: And if I don't have enough support-
Merlin: (shouts) You won't have it! Why would the court help you save the life of a servant? Especially one that is suspected of trying to kill the King! You can't ascend the throne this way. Your legitimacy to the throne will be questioned and your reputation ruined! It's outrageous enough that you are even considering this. He is your father!
Arthur: (shouts) I WON'T LET HIM TAKE YOU FROM ME!
Merlin: ...
Arthur: For years he made feel unworthy of his love. He made me feel guilty for my mother's death since I was a kid. I did EVERYTHING to get his approval. I trained hard, I isolated myself with tones of books, went to quests, I killed in his name! And then what does he do? Insult me, hit me, imprison me and take every piece of happiness I have! He sacked my first nursemaid because she was too soft on me, he killed my first hunting dog because I was getting too attached to it. "Don't show weakness Arthur, why are you crying Arthur? The darkness of the dungeons scares you? Stop acting like a baby, you are turning 8 tomorrow!"
Merlin: (covers his mouth with his hands, wide eye)
Kinghts: (just as shocked) ...
Arthur: I tolerated him a lot of things. But not this. Not with you. I won't let him take my happiness once more!
Merlin: (thinking in awe and emotional) He... he considers me part of his happiness? 🥺
Arthur and Merlin: (get lost in each other's eyes)
Knights: ...
Sir Innprudence: (coughs) Well, the rebellion is not going to make itself.
Leon: (hits him with his elbow and mutters) They were having a moment! (aloud) You can count on me, Sire.
Sir Owain: And me!
Sir Ewan: And me!
Sir Innprudence: Yeah, we already escaped the dungeons. What's another rebellious act?
Leon: (lifting his sword) For the love of Camelot!
All Knights: For the love of the Prince!
Time skip. In Gaius Tower.
Merlin: (enters, very serious)
Gaius: Did you convince the Prince of not doing the rebellion?
Merlin: In fact, he convinced me.
Gaius: What?
Merlin: Did you know Uther put Arthur in dungeons as a punishment when he was 8? Or should I say since?
Gaius: ... Where is this coming from?
Merlin: (barely contained anger) You knew, didn't you? You knew and you didn't do anything!
Gaius: I did what I could! I can't very well confront the king about his parenting methods, Merlin. Unlike you, I know my place.
Merlin: Parenting methods? That's abuse! He was just a child! And I... (thinking) I never noticed. Those times Uther sent Arthur and Morgana to the dungeons, I just assumed they were isolated cases. But they were routine for them. How much did I actually miss in my other life?
Gaius: Uther wasn't the best father, I won't deny that. But does he deserves to lose his crown for that? Besides, this is not just about him. A rebellion will put the life of many at stake. Blood will be spilled. Do you want that on your conscience? On Arthur's conscience?
Merlin: No! Of course not. But if Uther hasn't been a shitty father, Arthur's mind wouldn't be as set as it is now. He killed his dog for gods' sake!
Gaius: What does that has to do with anything?
Merlin: Arthur is not doing this because of me. Apparently this was just the last straw. (thinking) Though it's odd he never reacted like this in my other life. He never thought of doing a rebellion when Uther wanted to kill Gwen. And Arthur always thought high of Uther even years after he died. What changed to make Arthur stop idolizing his father so soon?
Gaius: The last straw? YOU were the last straw! 😡 You and your audacity, your boldness, your lack of self-preservation-
Merlin: I get it, I get it. This is all my fault. You can scold me and ground me all you want later. Now we need solutions. How can we stop Arthur from doing the rebellion?
Gaius: Honestly, Merlin, sending you to talk him out of it was the only hope I had.
Merlin: (thoughtful) Hmmm... Maybe... there wouldn't be a need for a rebellion if...
Gaius: If?
Merlin: (hesitantly) Uther weren't to wake up?
Gaius: (escandalized) Merlin! Are you suggesting to kill the King? 😱
Merlin: No! Never! I wouldn't do that to Arthur! But you must admit it would solve a lot of thing-
Gaius: Shut your mouth! You are speaking treason! Those words alone could get you hanged!
Merlin: I'm pretty much dead now, Gaius. But you're right, I shouldn't joke with those things. (thoughtful again) What can we do?
Gaius: (brings a hand to his chest) You're going to make my heart leave my body one of these days, I swear.
Merlin: (gets an idea) Leave! That's it! (makes a move to leave)
Gaius: (stops him) Where are you going?
Merlin: I'm going to pack my things and leave Camelot. 😊
Gaius: You think running away from your problems is going to solve anything?
Merlin: No, but it'll keep Arthur busy.
Gaius: ...What?
Merlin: Here's the plan. Hear me out. Arthur told me he didn't want Uther to take me from him because I'm part of his happiness. (smiles a little, blushing)
Gaius: Really, Merlin? This is not the time for blushing.
Merlin: I'm not-It's good to feel appreciated sometimes. Anyways, this means Arthur cares enough for me to look for me if I'm gone, right?
Gaius: I would say that more than enough, actually, but yes.
Merlin: So if I leave and hide, Arthur will be too busy trying to find me that he won't have time to organize his rebellion. There, problem solved!
Gaius: That's your great plan. Playing hide and seek with the Prince.
Merlin: Yep. 😊
Gaius: Yes, he'd probably go nuts looking for you, just as he probably would speed up the rebellion in the hope that you will return as soon as the threat is over.
Merlin: ...
Merlin: Okay, I didn't think of that.
Gaius: (sighs)
Merlin: You are not giving me many ideas either, Gaius!
Gaius: Well, for now, I'll do the only thing I can. (picks up a potion and starts leaving)
Merlin: What are you going to do?
Gaius: (defeated) Delay the inevitable. To buy you some time.
Merlin: (keeps looking at Gaius, confused)
Gaius: (sighs) I'm going to drug the King. (leaves)
Time skip. Emergency reunion in Morgana's chambers with Merlin, Gwen and Lancelot.
Lancelot: Arthur even asked me to join the knights in the rebellion.
Gwen: He seems pretty determined, Merlin. Reasoning or trying to sweet persuade him is not going to make him change his mind this time.
Merlin: I know, I tried. (sighs) There must be something we can do!
Morgana: (enters) Sorry, I'm late. Someone had to look after Uther. (gives Merlin a look)
Merlin: (guilty) Morgana-
Morgana: Don't. I know you didn't mean for any of this to happen. And I don't blame you, truly. If I told you all the times Uther made me lose my temper.
Merlin: Yeah, the difference is no one would ever believe you tried to kill the King because of that.
Gwen: There are still many Unicorn Catcher defenders between the servants if that's any consolation to you.
Merlin: It is not. (to Morgana, hopeful) You think you can convince Arthur of not doing this?
Morgana: You think I haven't tried? I even told him he would hurt Uther less if he killed him in his sleep rather than force him to fight his own son in battle, that he was being a monster by doing this, but he went all "this is the honorable way" and all.
Merlin: Perfect. Unless Gaius can sedate Uther forever, we are screw.
Morgana: Have you tried seducing him? 😏
Merlin: This is not time for jokes, Morgana. 😒
Morgana: (thinking) It would work if you weren't so blind to Arthur's feelings. 🤦 (sighs and says) Fine. What about crying to him?
Merlin: Morgana, this is serious!
Morgana: I am serious! How do you think I survived Uther's strict education for so long? Crying was my way to get away with some things with Uther and avoid or reduce some of his punishments. Of course it stopped working when he realised I was faking, but my point is: Pendragons are weak to tears and Arthur is not the exception. When I first came to the castle we didn't get along well. Arthur was jealous that I had all of Uther's attention and believed he was softer on me than him. He wouldn't swordplay with me no matter how much I asked, so what do you think I did?
Merlin: ...Cry?
Morgana: I cried so hard Arthur panicked and gave me his own sword to play. There was also this time some nobel kid made me cry and Arthur kicked him in the crotch.
Gwen: Oh, I remember that! It was so funny.
Lancelot: So you are suggesting manipulation, my lady?
Morgana: I wouldn't call it manipulation. I would call it... Plan T!
Merlin: Plan T?
Morgana: T of using tears as a way to presuade Arthur.
Merlin: That's manipulation!
Morgana: Well, we're running out of options. Besides, I sincerely believe that it can work. It's very easy, just look. (purses her lips and then her eyes begin to water, until tears run down her eyes and then she cries uncontrollably)
Merlin: (worried) Morgana?
Lancelot: Are you alright, my lady?
Morgana: (suddenly stops crying and wips her tears) See? 💁‍♀️
Merlin and Lancelot: (totally shocked) ... 😨😨
Gwen: (claps) You are so talented my lady! 😊
Morgana: It's easy. You just have to hold your breath, gag with your mouth closed and then just focus on the burning in your eyes until your eyes water and, finally, you let out all the frustration in the form of tears. Once you master that, you go to Arthur like this: (goes to Gwen and kneels before her, holding her hands. Then she starts crying all over again) "Please, Arthur, stop this! It's all my fault!" (hits her chest rugly) "I've caused all this. If blood is spilled because of me, I couldn't live with myself. (clinges to Gwen's legs) If you do this, I... I'd rather... disappear!" (faints)
Merlin: ...
Lancelot: ...
Gwen: (amazed) She's good, isn't she? 😃😁
Lancelot: I'll never trust the tears of a woman ever again.
Morgana: (stands up and turns to Merlin) See? Just like that.
Merlin: Yeah, I'm not doing that.
Morgana: You have to! If Arthur notices your anguish he will reconsider.
Merlin: Why don't you do it then?
Morgana: I did and he just sent me to Gaius. The problem when you use a trick too much is that people start to build up immunity to it. Besides, this is something Arthur would expect from me, but he would never expect it from you. With you he'll really be struck down.
Merlin: But... I don't want to lie to him. (thinking) No when I can help it.
Morgana: Technically you wouldn't be lying. You feel guilty, don't you?
Merlin: Of course I do!
Morgana: Then you'd just be amplifying your feelings! Now... (pulls Merlin and puts him infront of Lancelot) Lets practice. Imagine Lancelot is Arthur.
Lancelot: What? 😰
Merlin: Morgana this is ridiculous.😒
Morgana: Want to stop the rebellion?
Merlin: Yes, but-
Morgana: Then cry to Lancelot. Now.
Merlin: (sighs and tries to use Morgana's technique, holding his breath)
Morgana: You are forgetting to gag.
Merlin: (starts to gag)
Morgana: With your mouth close!
Merlin: (tries to do that, but fails and starts coughing)
Morgana: Okay, close enough. At least your eyes are a bit watery. Now kneel and hold Lancelot's hands.
Merlin: (kneels before Lancelot and holds his hands)
Lancelot: (puts his hands away in reflex, scared)
Gwen: Lance!
Lancelot: Sorry. My survival instinct. Do we really have to hold hands?
Morgana: Yes, we have to make this as realistic as possible.
Lancelot: And the Prince won't come in at any moment?
Gwen: The doors are closed and Arthur is too busy with this whole rebellion thing. You are safe, love.
Lancelot: (blushes a little at the use of the nickname) Alright (holds Merlin's hands, though he's still tense)
Morgana: Now, Merlin, your lines.
Merlin: (uncomfortable) Uh... Please, Arthur. Stop-
Morgana: No! You have to do it with more emotion!
Merlin: (raises his voice) Please, Arthur! Stop this! Is my fault (pats his chest)
Morgana: That hand, with more force! You're desperate!
Merlin: (hits his chest harder) I've caused all this!-
Morgana: The tears! where are the tears?!
Merlin: (tries to do Morgana's technice again but ends up doing a weird face) If blood is... spilled... I.... I can't live with myself...
Gwen: Now he looks constipated.
Morgana: The legs! Hug his legs!
Merlin: (hugs Lancelot's legs awkwardly)
Morgana: Tighter! You'll die if he doesn't change his mind!
Merlin: (hugs tighter)
Lancelot: (thinking, trying not to panic) Arthur won't come in, the doors are closed, Arthur won't come in, the doors are closed, Arthur won't come in-
Merlin: If you do this I'll... ARGH! I CAN'T DO THIS! (stands up, frustrated) I CAN'T CRY! THIS IS USELESS! I... (thinking) I lost my ability to cry like that long ago. I rarely cried in years and when I did I did it silently, swallowing my tears. Not even when I believed Arthur would die I cried like this. (Says, sad) We're doomed. The rebellion will happen, people will die and it will be all my fault, because I always ruin everything somehow! Maybe the problem all this time was me. Maybe Arthur would be actually better if I just didn't exist!
Gwen: ...
Lancelot: ...
Morgana: There! You have to hold to that emotion when you cry to Arthur.
Merlin: Didn't you just hear me? I CAN'T CRY!
Morgana: That can be arranged.
Time skip. In Gaius' tower.
Merlin: (enters) Gaius.
Gaius: How was your reunion? Did you find a solution?
Merlin: (hesitanly) I think, but... I need something... from you.
Gaius: (confused) What is it that you need?
Merlin: Do you have something there that can... make someone's eyes tear like... a lot?
Gaius: I think so, but... What's the plan exactly?
Merlin: Literally cry my way out of this.
....
Will Merlin be able to cry to the prince? find out in the next episode of "Merlin: the apple of discord"
Also credits to my best friend Rosangela, who gave me most of the ideas for diolagues in this part and others too.
Tagging @aceauthorcatqueen , @fallenxjas , @smileytrinity ,@lucifertookmyshoe , @an-entity-i-think , @thecornerofbelu , @griffonskies , @odinjm , @cinnabon-sweetroll-tiramisu , @thelady-mary , @bennedict , @nightninjaboy , @st8-of-grace , @star-rie , @error-username-not-available , @dogberryrowan , @jamieweasley13 , @tansyuduri , @tercais , @robynnemrys , @evadne01 , @serasvictoria02 , @hairdryerducks , @hopeaha , @curiously-lazy , @ harriettesthings , @andrealux16 , @wacko-weirdo , @greatdonutenemy , @yougottobekittenme , @anxiousosaurus , @kinkforwings , @someweirdassnamee , @impracticalantlers , @miyriu , @hobipabo , @whitemaskcd , @cute-girl-next-door , @bogslob , @tkmaras
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trainsinanime · 1 day
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I sometimes reblog posts about US Americans being weird here, but honestly I don't love how angry or smug most of these posts are. It's just that angry and smug posts tend to get more traction, and so they get reblogged more, and so I tend to see them and reblog them myself. Hm, maybe there's a lesson for all of social media and for me in particular here.
Anyway, what I want out of these posts is not for any US Americans here to feel bad; it's just "funny" and perhaps, perhaps a tiny bit of consideration for how being US American means you experience the internet on easy mode.
This is not your personal fault. Nor is it ethically wrong. It's just a thing that exists, and it may be worth thinking about it.
Examples of that easy mode include:
It's your language. The vast majority of people on the internet need to know a second language to at least participate passively, let alone actively post. It's not just the internet; for e.g. my job, all documentation for all the tools is only in English, and I was required to listen to English lectures and write both my bachelor's and master's thesis in English, my second language, to pass. That's why e.g. posts about bilingualism tend to cause a bit of a discussion, because knowing a second language isn't a special skill but a necessary survival tool.
It is your world-wide culture. The list of most popular video games, TV shows, movies and songs tend to be fairly similar across the world (in particular the part of it we call it the western world, another discussion that I'll get into below), and they're dominated by the output of US media. There is no equivalent to e.g. Disney anywhere outside of the US.
It's your debates and discussions. Because of the huge importance the US has economically and culturally (not to mention militarily), we tend to discuss US topics a lot, and we tend to discuss them from an American point of view.
This introduces American oddities into a lot of the world. For example, I'm a STEM guy, I have a STEM education, a STEM job and my primary hobbies are also STEM based, so what I notice are imperial measurements like feet and inches. Those are not "one of two equally valid choices", they're the unique hobby of the English-speaking countries, and within them, increasingly only the US. But we still tend to see them here as if they were a normal usual thing, and often europeans (including me) feel compelled to provide translations into these units.
But it's not limited to that, court room dramas are another example where courts in the English-speaking world tend to work very differently from those in the rest of the world. E.g. there's no pleading guilty or innocent in most of the world. There are boundless more examples of that, and these things can be grating every once in a while.
As I said before, I don't think there's any moral value here either way. You're not wrong for being an American (but you're also not better because of it). As I hinted at before, I'm still in a very privileged position myself, being from a wealthy European country, and my culture even without Disney is still far closer to that of the US than it is to most of the rest of the world. I'm sitting in the very same glass house, just maybe a different corner (TODO fix this metaphor before posting).
For example, I'm talking about court rooms and inches versus meters, but if we're thinking about history and ethics, there's deep issues in both of them. When it comes to measurements, it's ultimately the question of whether you use the measurements of London or those of Paris. For most of the world it's a colonial imposition either way. You can make arguments for why one is better for technology than the other (and as you can probably guess, I have strong opinions here), but in the grand scheme of things, neither of them is more "ethical" or more "universal", not really anyway. Same with the way legal systems work, where again, countries either adopted (and more often than not were forced to adopt) either the English system or the French system (with quite a few countries choosing to adopt the German version of the French system as well).
I know that's a boring digression but it's something that's usually missing from these posts, especially ones written by europeans, including some I've written myself. I don't really have a conclusion to any of this either, except perhaps that this is something that's worth being aware of.
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Changes chapter 24
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It had been three days since Star had run from her home, taking her little brother along with her. She'd left in a rush, not wanting to alarm the people inside. No bags were packed, and no things were taken - they just left with the clothes on their back. Star sighed as she looked at her reflection in the broken mirror of the motelroom she'd broken into. Laddie was fast asleep, snoring loudly.
She tucked him in, making sure he was comfortable before quietly leaving the room. She had to go back. She had to go and get her mom and get answers. How could her grandfather be doing something so horrible that his own daughter was terrified of what he could do to his own grandchildren?
Star quickly walked across the parking lot towards the busy road. Even now, in the middle of the night, cars sped past. She stuck her hand out, standing underneath a streetlight, hoping someone would see her.
She stood there for a while. Cars rushed past her, no one bothering to stop. Only when it began to rain, and she was completely soaked, did an old rusty red car stop. A woman in her late thirties sat behind the steering wheel.
"Are you alright?"
"I need to get to my mom!" Star called out over the heavy rumbling of rain.
"Get in!" The woman popped the door open. "She must be worried sick! What are you doing out here in this weather?"
Star got in and shut the door, shivering slightly. "I got lost on my way home, I lost my wallet, and I've been trying to hitch a ride with someone for the past three hours, but no one stopped."
"Oh dear," the woman looked shocked, not noticing the lies Star just told her. "Well, I am glad I stopped for you, dear. I'm Lucy, by the way. Where do you need to go?"
"Star, and thank you, really." She smiled, directing the woman down the road, leading her all the way to COL.
As the car came to a halt, Star quickly stepped out, thanking Lucy as she did so. Before the kind woman could say anything in return, Star had taken off, running into the woods. She just hoped no one would see her. No guard would spot her and drag her back inside. She needed to get in and out unnoticed, making sure she could take her mom with her and-
She fell backwards as she ran into someone, a large man with angry yellow eyes glaring at her.
"Shit, who are you?!"
"Who am I? What are you doing here? This place is bad news."
"As if I don't know that," Star got up, wiping the dirt from her skirt. "My mom's in there. I need to get her out."
"You know a way in?"
The girl nodded. Max grinned. Ever since the boys had left to go inside, he hadn't been able to contact any of them. David and Dwayne were God knows where, Max really had no clue, and Marko and Paul nad disappeared into the building. Ever since that happened, he had lost the feeling of being controlled by someone - which, on one hand, caused him to feel a little more at ease, but on the other hand worried him. The lack of control on him meant - most likely - that that control was exercised on someone else.
"I'm Max. They got my daughter in there and my sons. I'll make you a deal," he looked at the girl, glad to see she was open to his proposal. "I'll help you get your mom out if you help me find my kids."
Star thought about it for a moment, looking at him. "Why would I do that?"
"Because, dear," Max' face changed shape, becoming more batlike, "I am the muscle you need to get past the guards."
Star nodded, thinking to herself, not allowing herself to get freaked out by the man in front of her. She needed to fix this, and she could freak out later, when it was more convenient. "Alright. But we get my mom out first."
"We get them all out in order of who we come across first." Max said, a finality in his tone making it clear to Star that there was no point in arguing.
Lucien sighed disappointedly as he saw Julie. Her dazed expression, her lack of fear or emotional recoil - it saddened him. He enjoyed his games, and when a participant didn't want to play anymore, it was simply time to clear the playing field.
"Juliebug, " he crouched down in front of her, forcing her to look at him, "I really don't get why you're so afraid. After all, I never hurt you. Doctor Gregory did. Not me."
Julie glared at him, trying to look away, but his hold on her chin got only stronger. She winced in pain as she felt the bone protest against the force practiced upon it.
"No, I only ever brought you sweet release. I brought you life," he grinned, showing his fangs, "I brought you a family."
Julie pushed him away. No. He did not give her life. He did not give her a family. He fed her lies, he messed with her minds and memories, and he ruined what was supposed to be a wonderful human life. She got up, taking in a deep breath as she tried to steady herself. This was it. She needed to concentrate.
"Ah!" Lucien laughed, getting up himself as well. "I hoped you'd be willing to fight more."
Julie didn't bother to listen to him, instead attacking the second he moved up from the ground. It was easy to get him off balance, to pin him on the ground. She pinned him down. He trashed against her, hands pushing against her chest, her throat, her face - but Julie didn't let go. She pushed back. When a hand wrapped around her neck, she gasped for air. She snarled at him. She lashed out, her long, sharp vampire nails digging deep into his eyesocket. Lucien screamed, clutching his eye. Julie slashed again, opening up his wrist. Again. Opening up his chest. Once, twice.
She was covered in blood, covered in sweat and tears, but Lucien didn't give up. He didn't back down. When she looked away for a mere second, distracted by a loud thump above her, she was thrown across the room. Before she crashed against the wall, she redirected herself. Flying up into the air, she tried to jump Lucien, but he was on to her. He grabbed her foot, dragging her down and slamming her into the ground.
A silent scream escaped her as she felt her arm being ripped out of its socket as he lifted her up and slammed her down again. She gasped for air. Lucien grinned as he stood over her, lifting her up and slamming her against the wall.
Cracks formed in the concrete where she'd collided, pieces of rock falling down. Julie laid there between the ruble, struggling to get up. She leaned on her arms, one of them giving out the second she put any force on it.
"Are you done yet? You can't win from me, fledgling. I am your sire, I control -"
Lucien flew backwards. Julie landed on top of him, a large red brick in her hands as she pinned him down to the ground. Lucien laughed loudly, noticing how desperate the girl seemed. But then the brick hit his face, his damaged eye officially popping out. Then she hit again, his nose breaking. Again.
Again.
Again.
And again.
David silently cursed to himself as he realised he had lost sight of the van. He and Dwayne had promised her that they'd be there for her every step of the way, but now? As quickly as they could, they drove through the streets, making their way down the highway. They sped past cars, moving left and right to avoid crashing into them.
"We'll get there in time!" Dwayne called out. He was a couple of feet behind David.
"We better!" David sped up even more, moving off the freeway as he saw a sign stating Berkeley was close by. Dwayne quickly followed. They dropped their bikes in the woods near the main street, deciding to fly the rest of the way. It would be faster, and the chances of them being seen would be minimalized.
Quickly, they flew through the night, seeing a building rise at the horizon. It was the same building Max had described to them hours before, the same building Julie was held at.
Dwayne was the first to land, landing on the edge of the roof. "She's here," he said, sighing with worry. "Max is still outside, but the others are inside as well."
"Max was supposed to go in," David hissed, annoyance lacing his voice. "Motherfucker."
"Let's make sure we find Julie first. Afterwards we can deal with Max."
They walked across the roof, David easily ripping the metal door of the roof entrance of its hinges. Quietly, the two men stepped inside, swiftly walking down the stairs, making sure they didn't make a single sound. They opened the door at the end of the stairs, ending up in a dark, carpeted hallway.
David was about to say something when they heard a man's laughter. They looked at each other without saying another word.
They flew down the hallway, crashing into the room where they'd heard the man. David and Dwayne looked up, seeing the same man whose head they'd seen in that box days before. Seeing him laugh as his face was being smashed to pieces by Julie, who was crying tears of anger as she smashed the brick in her hands down and down again on his face. Pieces of blood, skin, eye and brain stuck to it, creating a sickening noise as she pulled the rock away only to bring it down again with such force that the remainders of the skull scattered to pieces.
Next chapter > available on September 29th
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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clonehub · 10 months
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nobody can talk to ridge about fighting for the republic once he's succesfully escaped it, he's gotta be probably the most critical of the republic government out of all the clones. saying "our purpose [as clones] is to fight!" will get you "who told you that? The Kaminoans that 'bred' us for money or the government that won't pay us and won't let us vote?"
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Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family
#fucking hell#it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister#who was equally dreading the day#my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt#then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present)#multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way.#combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high#weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells.#this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing.#then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on.#my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence#i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum#who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?)#me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting.#Which amuses the bored and the deaf#but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed#they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes#finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism*#still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously#(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something)#me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room#and made things appear that should not be there#I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go#you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room.#i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear#I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that.#the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well#she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer#maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk.#can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important
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another day another "applying the concept 'disposability' to 'someone withdraws from a personal relationship, & that wasn't signed off on by the other'" kill me
#literal acknowledged interpersonal abuse Needing to be ''mediated'' (implicit premise of preserving that relationship >>>)#and if the victim doesn't participate they're treating their abusive partner / abusive relationship as ''disposable''#like in what meaningful way. getting away from an abuser is ''disposing'' of them like imprisonment / killing From A State?#dropping an abusive relationship is ''disposing'' of it? like uh yeah i sure hope it is#this is always Vaguely Applied to ''ppl don't want to HANDLE CONFLICTS or DO THE WORK'' & then connected to political actions#like well someone's just a bad person In The World / All Things if they stopped being my friend and i don't know why#like of course that Can Be good faith. it's a personal business#but if someone ghosts you and you truly don't know why Yeah maybe there's something going on but like okay let them go#if they want to do that for reasons you don't think are Compelling or they just aren't interested / putting in that Effort then like#what Friendship is really being lost here. but then tweet about it with no context & a zillion ppl like SO TRUE kys randos#[fart reverb Conflict Is Not Abuse] standard abuse apologetics which are easy & a zillion ppl go SO TRUE b/c It's Abuse Culture#someone HAS to Answer My Texts / Calls / In Person Confrontations As A Bold Clearsighted Political Actor are you kidding#someone really doesn't. even if you Really are like ''and i'm not even consciously malicious'' what a high bar#one gazillion abusive parents will tell you And My Estranged Child Won't Even Tell Me Why / Doesn't Have Any Good Reasons / Won't Talk....#what am i supposed to doooo i'm at a losssss And Really I'm The Victim#''i want to break up'' / ''okay i don't :) let's talk through Your Feelings :) [waffle around until insisting on Same Access To Person]''#someone can rescind interpersonal access to themself For Any / No Reason. on a dime no explanation necessary. for god's sake#and friendship is not actually some magically pure & Neutral relationship either. same things#anyway just unfollowed some rando for their thread spinning off a vague qrt ''ppl are so AFRAID OF CONFRONTATION they unfriend u''#going on & on abt how You Need To Put In The Work & Effort & You're Just Probably A Bad Person Otherwise & Disposability like#the disposability is my three points wastebasket toss. death via the state =/= someone won't talk to you. can we be at all serious#every day i reach out further like aplatonic people [some emblem gesture] lovelessness [same] help me#thinking of a Good Tweet i saw abt framing everything re: interactions with others around Consideration first & foremost#wildly enough the way you treat people doesn't need to have Fundamental Assumptions re: like ah Friendship / Community / Love / Family &ccc#how do you treat a stranger. how do you treat someone who you don't personally like &/or vice versa. how do you treat ppl you don't Meet.#it's all so vague it could mean Anything but a) often hints towards [abuse victims are framed as Bad Political Actors]#& b) then that's what people read into & respond to for sure lol#as ever ''oh everyone's just little bitches who can't handle any discomfort. yes; this was prompted by my being discomfited''#wait yeah lol i did not Confront this stranger to try to Posit this to them in twttr's character limit; just unfollowed. disposability smh
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piplupod · 4 months
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every day i see people talking about things that I simply do not understand no matter how much I look into it and think about it and try to figure it out. i cannot tell if it's brainfog and fatigue or if I'm just ,,,, incapable of being intelligent enough for it all :[
#i sure do feel like a fucking idiot lately!#I wish I wasn't (weren't?) aware of how stupid i am but unfortunately i am acutely aware of it and I can't seem to do anything about it#like... why am i unable to comprehend things. why can't i figure it out if I go learn about it. why does it just not Click for me.#becoming increasingly aware of just how little i know and how naive i am and i have to say ... its frightening me fhfkdl#i feel like i am going to be fucking mauled if i say anything ever or if i try to participate in any conversations of worth#so I've just been staying quiet constantly. but then I just feel disconnected from everything and everyone#because i never participate! i just stand in the bg and listen and watch!!#but what's driving me crazy is i dont even seem to be learning in any significant way!! even though im just listening all the time!!#why can't i make any progress in understanding shit 😭 why is it all still just as out of reach as when i started !!#i really feel like there is something very wrong with my brain but idk what to do about it dhfjdkl#I've been isolating a lot more than usual the past couple months because i just feel so useless and stupid compared to everyone else#but then i talk to ppl irl and i feel like I'm operating on a higher level of social awareness than most ppl#which then makes me feel bad bc i worry im somehow thinking im better than other ppl but its not that fhdkdl#i just get tired of like... guiding the conversation for ppl and smoothing over social potholes#like im always the one driving the conversational vehicle. and if i stop driving then we crash. idk if this makes sense#but then online im always the one who is one step behind everyone else and making blunders#so ... I don't know what to do anymore fhfjdkl i think smth has gotten very broken in my brain and idk what it is or how to fix it#UHMM ANYWAYS. this is ... a rant and a half. oops.#im the worlds most average joe cool though 👍 nothing to worry about or see here! (<- sarcasm i think)#this is one of my worst vents of all time actually fbfjdkl this one is just a real stinker#just kind of incomprehensible and way too self-pitying methinks. oh well! I'll delete it if i think better of it later dbfjdkl#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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finexbright · 5 months
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#i haven't really participated in any discourse as of late but watching that movie kinda made me think about dwd and mp#like. we know the holivia mess was such a shit show and i know that they wanted to make it look like they met on set or whatever#but i think that that stunt was in the works way before the movie deal even happened#we know that harry was seen with the mp novel in 2019. which isn't out of the norm for him because he has previously owned art by queer#artists. so in that moment of time it passed by easily. however now that we know that harry literally read that novel letter to letter and#convinced the director/producer that he would be best for the role it means that he's wanted to be part of it since 2019 itself#knowing that i think his team was already on the lookout for a role for him where he could play the straightest man possible to cover up his#role in mp. dwd was also in the talks for quite some time before that given that the script#was out in 2019 and olivia acquired it in the same year too. while yes shia was originally cast for it and we all know how that ended#but i'm just thinking about how mp started in 2019 too and dwd started around the same time his team was definitely aware of it#and it aligned perfectly that shia fell out of the movie and harry got the role and olivia got the contract of her lifetime#like. i don't think that harry organically got the role and then the stunt happened. i think harry getting the movie was FOR the stunt to#happen so that it could overlap his role in mp#i fully think the contract was ''you get an actor and a public boyfriend and we get a beard and a public straight narrative''#so like tldr version : harry wanted mp badly enough that his team found the most straight role for him and saddled him with a beard to cover#up his role in mp. and it worked too because his scenes in dwd blew up and people still thirst over that#even though mp got way more success than dwd did#which is also why they were pushing so hard for it to be a theatre release first and then onto streaming unlike mp which went to streaming#straightaway. apart from the select few theatre releases they did#and also like. so many actors who have played queer roles in media get asked about their sexuality repeatedly. like kit connor#or nicholas galitzine to the point where it becomes an obsessive need for the public to know about it#and by doing this harry doesn't get asked about it explicitly (maybe he has them banned idk) and still gets to do whatever he wants however#he wants. okay byeeeee#my policeman#don't worry darling
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fearandhatred · 7 months
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meowstix · 1 year
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had a dream where a bunch of people were doing a mix between a beyblade tournament and larping (mostly mfb characters but there were others too) except everyone got swept by some dude named troy who looked like the guy on the left in this stock photo i found (but with more cyan/yellow in the outfit)
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literally only one person (an olivier cosplayer) was able to beat him. i challenged him right at the end because i got there late but then i remembered i haven't touched a beyblade for over a decade and then i just woke myself up bc it was kind of really awkward.
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peaceblank · 1 year
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The med school primary application asking if my work and activities are meaningful, like by simply going out of my way to do anything doesn’t have some kind of impact on my life.
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kuhatoarchive · 2 years
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tifa jumps off the train first btw. always, always.
#it's not about girlbossery it's about asserting her conviction as an established avalanche member#it's about courage as an act of being afraid yet doing smth regardless#the og handles the scene so well.. tifa calling the situation scary‚ cloud questioning if she really has the nerve &#asking why she came in the first place#which prompts her to get out of her own head. all it takes is a question‚ a nudge#at the end of the day‚ by participating she Consents to the fact unforeseen events can always happen during a mission#glimpses of tifa's mixed feelings shouldn't come at the expense of weakening her resolve to /push/ past her fear. squenix are u DUMB#that is arguably one of her most defining character traits in the ENTIRE narrative??!?!#otherwise it leaves the player thinking‚ 'what if cloud hadnt been there?' which..girl. She Has Been Doing This Well Before He Came Back#or worse‚ 'why did she agree to avalanche‚ again?' and not in the character-examination way#which is Such a rich question under the right lense..#yes‚ she wishes she didn't have to do this. even if it's not her first mission it still makes her nervous. she's allowed to‚ she's human#but shinra is so oppressive and she holds so‚ so much Hatred that it manifests in unpalatable ways#and she's Willing to do all this morally dubious shit‚ not to mention RISKY#jumping off a damn moving train is not the exception!!!!!!!!#um. this was supposed to be a simple 'tifa jumps first‚ the remake skinship moment is‚ characterization wise‚ a let down' post#but it got out of my hands JGFJFG#just.. know that i don't really acknowledge it on my remake verse. the implications r not worth the fanservice#chara study.
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imwritesometimes · 2 years
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really wrestling with "writing fic is my hobby and I do it for fun and sharing it is fine and fun why shouldn't I share something I had fun doing" and "writing fic is a hobby sure but it's really only fun for me there is little point to actually sharing it with anyone though and therefore very little point in actually writing anything anymore" today 🙃
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just remembered how in the sixth grade there was a fucking riot in the cafeteria that ended in the entire grade getting silent lunch for like 3 months
#I think it was 3 months but it felt a lot longer. my god middle school was the school to prison pipeline at its finest#on one hand I think its unfair that we were all punished but to be fair the entire grade participated in this riot. I don't even remember#what we were rioting? I just remember a girl named whitney was involved and 1 thing led to another and whitney ran out of the cafeteria#and THE ENTIRE GRADE WENT AFTER HER 😭. myself included I didn’t even know why either but WE WERE AFTER THAT BITCH 😭#it was so bad I remember everyone was heading one direction and then everyone started running back the other direction.#and I got knocked down in the process looking back this was really dangerous. but after that we got silent lunch for what felt like forever#like not only were we forced to sit with our homerooms (and some us didn’t even like our homeroom) but we couldn’t even talk to each other#which is honestly not good for socialization?? but again I can’t entirely blame them cause the situation was out of control.#but also shouldn’t the adults have had that thing under control??? anyways the person who ran silent lunch was the vice tyrant dr levine#he fucking hated us like that man was PISSED OFF and he made it clear cause if you made a sound during silent lunch#that man was gonna threaten you with detention extended detention ISS (aka in school suspension)#he didn’t even mean it but it was pretty good for instilling fear in us good kids. but one time I remember there was a kid who didn’t buy i#he didn’t give into levine’s fear tactic and levine started yelling “ISS!! OSS!! EXPULSION!!!!!” like calm down#I feel bad thinking about how so many kids who would ACCIDENTALLY make a sound were punished. and they were so damn terrified#cause it was like you were on your best behavior all of the time and then one noise and suddenly you had an out of school suspension#one time a boy named jc’s phone went off and he picked it up and it was his grandma asking him if he wanted ice cream 😭 no fucks given#and levine was screaming at him to hang up the phone and jc was like “this is my grandmother I can’t hang up"#and there came a time where we were finally off the hook and I just remember people in the cafeteria were clapping 😭#like this was school sanctioned oppression and we were finally liberated... but then we were back to silent lunch and I don’t even know why#I remember once even I ended up in Levine’s office but I dont think its cause I was talking during silent lunch??#I think it had something to do with bullying idk?? I just remember levine had my back during it and made the other kid cry and apologize#so shout out to levine. always good times goodbye!
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lunar-wandering · 2 years
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every time i open tumblr i end up seeing a post or something or other that triggers my intrusive thoughts again. i really wanna come back but it’s becoming really difficult to manage to open up this site and feel happy about being here.
#vent#kinda i guess#you know. i used to never see negative posts or discourse or anything. now it seems like that's all that's ever on here.#and that's really not why i joined and stayed on tumblr#now its like every time i open this site or turn there's some argument and usually it's stuff i agree with#but sometimes it's stuff that's good on a surface level but underneath has MAJOR red flags#i've blocked more people this year than ever just because their ''informative'' fandom posts would get reblogged and end up on my dash#because they're so good at hiding their red flags under stuff that seems reasonable#i just. like yeah. there are some good posts that i agree with. but that doesn't mean that i want to be thinking about the arguments and-#and the people who are genuinely in the wrong/just straight up bad people all the time#tumblr was my place to relax but now it seems like everywhere there's an important take and someone who's clearly someone i should block#and bad news and bad events and things in like fandoms and stuff i'm not even connected to#and theres no engagement either. its just likes and likes#no reblogs with fun discussions#THATS what i was on tumblr for.#i miss it. having conversations through reblogs. created fun fandom theories and discussions and AUs#i miss doing that#i miss seeing that#now it's like nobody ever does it. or at least doesn't do it on here.#i don't feel like i've had fun participating in fandom on here in months.#it's just stressful now.#there's good people and things yes but the bad (which is actually a minority of things and people) is somehow overpowering it#mainly through good people not realizing they're encouraging bad people by trying to fight it#just. when something bad happens. block it and don't let it spread.#that's what you're meant to do. arguing or harrassing only makes things worse#but its just. it' really is all i ever see now#i miss my dash only being filled with art and fun fandom theories and headcanons and stuff#only there's no way to curate it to that now. im always going to end up seeing something i could've continued on not knowing about.#and i used to be better at coping with it#but after t h a t happened in july.......
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