#i dont believe that ''no time'' stupid ass excuse anymore. i make time. others i know make time

[navramanan]

Sent a risky text. Shaking

[seokari]

He doesn't know what his true feeling are.

Note𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅: Remember that english is NOT my first language so please, excuse my spelling mistakes ♡.

Warnings₊‧: None, just fluff and I think there's no angst, or maybe just a little bit, so, please enjoy.

Accepting his feeling was a no go for megumi, and there's the problem, he knows he isn't good at expressing himself, but he doesn't even wants to try.

And, another problem is that you don't know this, so, he trying to be nonchalant to you made you think he hates you.

When you hang out with your friends, there was Megumi talking peacefully to the rest of them but ignoring you completely, even tho you tried making a conversation.

On mission, he just said you don't need to go do the work because you are going to be a bother for him. (You ended up saving his dumb, egocentric ass)

On training, he says he doesn't want a vs with you because you are too weak for him. (He's trying to sound interesting plus he is really afraid of hurting you by accident).

One time you fell asleep on his shoulder, and he pushed you until you were sleeping seated, he didn't wanted you to think he has a sweet spot for you, but he does.

He knows that, even tho he is an asshole to you, he has your attention. Or well, he had, once you had enough of his demeanor, you started ignoring him, acting nonchalant, being more friendly, touchy, even flirty with Yuuji, and, he (Megs) didn't like, not even a bit.

-------------

You two could be joking during a mission while Nobara did something else, but Megumi's hot gaze was set on you two.

He tried convincing himself that he hated your laugh, but he didn't, he hated that you were laughing at other man's comment, not his.

Until he had enough, "Could you two shut up already, we are trying to concentrate" His brows furrowed.

"I didn't said nun" Nobara spoke.

"Ok, geez, I don't know why you hate me so much" You said.

"I d-dont ha-" He was interrupted

"Hey look here, I think I found it" Nobara pointed

-------------

Yuuji noticed Megs behavior, his suddenly annoyed face when you were near him (Yuuji), so Yuuji started getting away from you (not that much, just being less touchy and stuff), you noticed this and thought he hated you too now.

But he reassured it was nothing.

Yuuji decided to have a conversation with Megumi about his demeanor towards you, Megumi really denied it at first, but after listening to Yuuji's yapping for what seemed like an eternity, he started believing it.

You were a little bit far away from them talking and messing around with Nobara, Megumis soft look has being around your during all the convo with Yuuji.

He started thinking "stupid" things meanwhile, like how is you skin so porcelanic, how soft your hair looks, that dumb smile you have when Nobara said something that seem funny made you look cute, and your hands looked so tiny, how are they compared to his?. He couldn't deny it anymore, he felt, hard, he felt really hard.

He turned his head towards yuuji that is still yapping. "Im an idiot right? Is the first time I feel like this"

"Yeah. I mean kinda-" He kept quiet when he saw Megs serious face.

"Omfg" He got back on his feet. "im having a walk, and then im talking to her"

"Yeah, you should, she told me she thinks you hate her, like, extremely, like you despise her"

"Just shut up you are making it worse, what if she decides i was just being an ass and she doesn't wants to talk to me"

"I think that is what is going to happen"

"Ok, now in definitely not going to talk to her"

"I meannn" Megumi looked at him "I could be wrong"

"Kill yourself" Megumi took his things and started walking towards you.

" If that makes you happy megs" Yuuji took his things too and started walking toward nobara, you and Megumi need privacy.

--------------

Hiii, I dont know how to continue this, cuz I think it pretty obvious what is going to happen.

Confession -> is mutual -> Megumi being a complete tsundere at first -> Getting used to be around you -> Clingiest boy ever -> Happy ending.

Hope yall like it₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

[heziiiiiii]

“The strongest”

Synopsis - uh gojo kinda weird and so is reader 😭 gojo plays with readers feelings and is a manipulator but reader like cant let him go

Warnings: toxic relationship, manipulation, gojo kinda weird like I said, not proofread, written at like 3 AM idrk let me know if anything’s missing

A/n (guys PLEASE don’t take this seriously cus I definitely didn’t 😭😭this was a random ass think I just put together this was just for my friends so we can all test our writing skills but if y’all like this (idk how 😭) I’ll fs make a part 2)

The screen of your phone flashed on as your Lock Screen illuminated your face a picture of you and Satoru. Your eyes went up to the time it was 11:03 pm. Sighing, you put your phone back on your nightstand, thinking that he’s just busy being “The Strongest“ but deep inside you, you knew that wasn’t the case at all.

You knew he was out trying his “strongest” to be away from you. You knew about the other women he out was seeing. You knew he was getting tired of you and he wasn’t that good at hiding it. When he would come home he would greet you bluntly, give you a small peck on ur cheek and leave you there to go get ready to leave again and go out god knows where. Not caring to ask about your day or even a small conversation at least. Satoru’s excuse for leaving was always just a quick “Sorry, got to go something important came up it’s “work” related.” Or “I’m just gonna go out with friends. I’ll call you when I get there. He never called you.

You weren’t stupid nor, were you born yesterday he was dressed up fancy and all, like the way he used to dress when you used to go on dates at fancy restaurants. Maybe you were stupid, stupid for being so blinded by your love for Satoru. Stupid for staying with him and believing his lies. You knew he was falling out of love with you, if he hadn’t already, but you couldn’t let him go even if you tried you held on to the memories of when he used to be so in love with you.

The times where it was just you and him and he would tell you each and every thing he loved about you. When he would tell you how beautiful your insecurities were, and would kiss each one of them. A small part of you still believed he loved you or at least wanted to. You were caught up in your thoughts you jumped when the door opened you didn’t even bother to get out of bed.

About ten minutes later Satoru satoru entered your shared room. You thought about it, you were gonna tell him about how you felt, how you didn’t feel loved anymore, how you were thinking about leaving him. “Satoru.. can we talk please?” You looked up at him with sad eyes, you got up to sit on the edge of your bed. “Hm?”

He asked nonchalantly, not even turning around to look at you as he looked in the mirror. “I don’t feel like you love me anymore. I know you have been cheating on me. I know you have been lying about where you have been going. Why Satoru!? I have done nothing but loved you, is it something that I did? Is it something you don’t like about me..?”

His turned around his eyes were wide “[name]….. what..? What are you even talking about? I-I do love you? I promise baby, I promise I haven’t been cheating on you” this was the first time in a while he told you he loved you. You cursed yourself for folding, for giving in to him. “R-really do you..? Then explain everything, explain the women that you talk to on the phone when I’m sleeping. Explain the not spending any time with me anymore. Explain everything!”

You asked for answers, pleading for them. “What are you even talking about! Do you know how hard being “The strongest” is? The whole world relies on me to save it! I have a duty to do things that regular people like you dont- never will understand. Don’t question or worry about anything I do, kay?” You sat in silence looking down at your floor like a kid who just got lectured by their parents for behaving real bad.

“Being “the strongest” has a lot of responsibilities to it. Maybe there are things that he has to do that I don’t understand. What if im being selfish and only thinking about myself and not thinking from his perspective..”You thought to yourself, hundreds of questions raced through your head. It sure was funny how he was able to manipulate the whole situation and change your way of thinking with only a few sentences.

You sighed “im sorry. I should of just minded my business.. I was close-minded and didn’t even consider what you go through to protect me- protect the world please forgive me..”

He looked at you with a blank stare “Sorry I don’t want to deal with this right now I’m going to go on a walk” he changed his clothes quickly, packed some stuff, and left. He probably made a quick call to some mistress to spend the night there. You were tired, your head was pounding, confused.

Hundreds of thoughts ran through your head as you fell asleep. You swore to yourself by time he would be home, you would leave the house, leave this relationship, leave everything.

[qumiiiquinnquin]

im scared to tell my psychiatrist i tried to end myself twice within a month (sep-oct). i dont know why i am. i have to call the office myself since im an adult now, but im really scared making phonecalls. i have to do it because its been since april that ive seen my psychiatrist but i have to do it. i dont know when ill do it, im too scared. that fear frustrates my family a lot. i feel like im already a failure of an adult and will continue to be like that forever.

today was mostly good, just uneventful until this evening. but now im feeling depressed and i want to cry until i cant anymore, but i cant cry, so i just feel bad. i dont feel tired so i dont want to sleep, but its almost midnight so i should soon. im feeling stressed out about needing to call the psychiatrist's office, so i dont feel like i can relax at all.

ive just been feeling bad a lot lately but thats not new, i say think that to myself every other week or so. whats making me sad the most right now is hating my art. i dont have any confidence in my art but i want to get better, but i dont think i ever will. i will always have mediocre talent, no matter how hard i try. i keep thinking about burning my physical art and either deleting my digital art or just even destroying my laptop, though the latter is very excessive, but i still think about it every now and then out of frustration. i want to give up but i really dont know what else id do, ive always drawn since i was very little, its always made me happy. i really want to not care how upset stopping would make people, including myself, but if i dont stop out of just purely giving up, i probably will stop because i k!lled myself.

every day is feeling the same, it even felt that way when classes were still going. i got so used to the schedule that i got used to the systematic cycle. i partially dont want classes to start again because of that, its boring and the amount of work is stressful, im just going to go back to breaking down and nearly attempting from stress and lack of confidence that i can really do this, that i can really power through and get the degree i want. i keep getting told im smart and always work hard, but that really doesnt mean anything now. being and doing those things doesnt suddenly mean that because of those things, ill survive the stress. it only actually makes it worse, like im ridiculous for feeling the pressure and have the mental health collapses that i do because of college, that im not trying hard enough and am lazy.

for some reason the desire for love has been on my mind and i dont know why, youve seen the pathetic longing things i say about romance. right now i feel like i am missing out and am a failure by societal standards for not even have dated in my life, and i still dont have a partner at 18 years old. i feel extremely lonely to the point that seeing other couples makes me depressed, which is probably selfish of me. i feel like and believe now that i will always be alone. i know i am not beautiful to anyone, i know i am not funny, i am not interesting, im a pain in the ass, im too much to deal with and am just unlovable in general. i hate feeling this way, i never cared about romance or relationships and have always been repulsed at the idea of me ever being loved romantically or being in a relationship. i feel stupid. i feel like a jerk. i feel like i deserve to be alone forever, and i really do. or maybe, just end myself, if im so unlovable in every way, then why not just weed myself out? whoever takes my place will be much more worth it than i ever could be. its so stupid thinking about myself d*ing from a broken heart. "just grow up, sad excuse of a grown adult." (in quotes because its a direct thought to myself towards myself, nobody else)

i really doubt everything will get better, ive felt this same exact way for 3 years now. sad, burntout, stressed, like im nothing but a problem for my family, a burden and waste of time to be around or talk to or care about. i did attempt once in 2021 but failed, obviously im still alive. i really want to try again. im really scared of pain, so im trying to find the quickest way or the least painful option. if i just call, i can get different meds or a different dosage and i wont feel this terrible. im so childish for an adult to be unable to make a fucking phonecall. i feel like next year might be it, im not sure why i get that feeling, but i dont have any reason to keep going. im not looking forward to anything. nothing is really that fun or exciting, i just try to distract myself. i know im not wanted, and im too difficult for my family.

its now a half hour after midnight because im incapable of shutting the fuck up. i might just lay down and watch youtube or cry myself to sleep, whichever happens first

[walkingaftermidnight07]

Kit x Ty Balcony oneshot

ackkk im so bad at writing my little intros to these so i apologize in advance lol

did i wait until new year's to post a oneshot that was requested weeks ago? yes, yes i did. in my defense. im shit at remembering to write stuff. on the bright side, i'm actually pretty proud of this one so....yeah.

anyways, my lovely friend @tys-kitty requested this a couple of weeks ago and I loved the idea so I had to write it!!! i believe it was inspired by a post by @aro-ace-cat-lady but i dont have the original post. whoops.

anyways, this is a KitTy first kiss *and sort of love confession* on the Chiswick balcony.

word count is abt 2k :D

make sure to reblog if you enjoyed it to help get this out to more people thank you very much. I am sending virtual hugs and kisses to all who take the time to reblog :)

if you want any more KitTy content from me, i have a playlist linked here as well as two oneshots of the reunion scene from sobh which are linked here and here. I ALSO TAKE REQUESTS FOR BOTH ONESHOTS AND PLAYLISTS.

anywayssss enjoy :DDDD

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes Kit felt like Blackthorn Hall seemed to be closing in on him. The shadows felt like they were growing, wrapping around him. Suffocating him. Despite everything that Emma and Julian had done to fix it up, there was just something about it…

If Kit was being honest, he kind of hated it here. It gave him shivers and made him feel like he was being watched from all directions. He couldn’t tell if it was because of Blackthorn Hall’s history, or because of the fact that it used to be haunted by a ghost, or because there was something demonic about it, lurking in the shadows…

Or maybe it was because of what happened last time he had been here with certain members of the Blackthorn family. And while yes, parts of that had been resolved, Kit still thought often about that stupid day in the kitchen with the stupid gun. And with Ty.

Speaking of Ty, he’d disappeared. He’d left the kitchen this morning at breakfast, giving some vague excuse to the rest of the Blackthorns and Tessa and Jem about some reading for the Scholomance, but Kit had a feeling that was bullshit. And now it was afternoon and Ty was nowhere to be seen. He didn’t reappear for training with Dru and Tavvy. Nor for lunch. And Kit wasn’t sure whether he should look for him or not. Was this normal for Ty?

It hit Kit yet again, as it always did, that he didn’t know Ty anymore. Once, he would’ve known without any hesitation where to find him, and whether or not he’d want to be found. Hell, he’d probably be with Ty already, wouldn’t have felt the need to look for him because he was already being included in Ty’s bubble.

Now…well…they couldn’t avoid each other. Not with everything that had been going on. But apparently they could still go without talking to each other beyond a basic level. Nothing beyond that. Ty wouldn’t even look at him. He’d been at Blackthorn Hall with his family all week, and he could count on one hand the amount of times Ty had even looked in his general direction.

Dru had been telling him he needed to fucking talk to Ty, but he kept holding it off. This was his chance, he might not get another one.

But he was so so scared. What could he even say to Ty? How could he explain to him how he felt? How could he even ask Ty what Ty was feeling? Did he even want to know what Ty was feeling? Kit feared it would hurt too much.

The door to Kit’s room opened and Dru strode in. She stalked right over to where he was lying on the bed, and she grabbed him by the ankle, yanking him off the bed swiftly. He landed on his ass on the ground, staring at her in confusion. She was glaring at him.

“Hey, what was that for??” He groaned, rubbing his hip. “That hurt, you know?”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re fine, Kit, don’t be so dramatic.”

Kit stuck his tongue out at her and she cracked a smile. She offered him a hand up and he took it.

“Okay, but seriously, why did you do that?”

“Kit.” She stared at him intently. “My dear friend. My darling friend. My favorite person. My—”

“Okaaayyy, get to the point, Dru,” He grumbled.

She sighed. “I can’t find him, okay? I’m worried. He seemed kind of upset earlier, but I didn’t wanna say anything…but when he didn’t come down for lunch…”

Kit didn’t reply. He just looked at her. “Fine. I’ll look.”

She smiled. “Thank you, Kit.”

He shrugged. “Sure.”

As he left the room she called after him, “And remember what we’ve talked about! Communication!!”

He decided it would be in his best interest to ignore her snarky comment and continued on.

He immediately went to the balcony at Blackthorn Hall, because he didn’t know where else to find him. And oddly enough….there he was.

Ty’s back was to Kit, but Kit could see Ty’s shoulders stiffen as he stepped closer. Ty could clearly tell that he was there. But he didn’t turn around.

An awkward silence settled over them both. Kit stared at Ty’s back as Ty continued to pretend like he wasn’t there. He was running through things to say in his head but nothing came to mind.

“Do you need something?” Ty finally said, straightening. He still didn’t turn around.

“Yes—I mean—No. I mean—” Kit couldn’t seem to find the words. “I just…wanted to make sure you were alright.”

Finally Ty turned to him. He wouldn’t meet Kit’s eyes but he nodded. “I’m fine. You can leave now.”

Kit bit his lip. He should’ve expected this, this harsh dismissal. After everything, he shouldn’t have expected anything else.

But he didn’t want that to be it. This was his chance. To try to fix everything.

So he took a step forward.

Ty furrowed his brows. “I said you can leave me alone now.”

“I heard you, Ty,” Kit said softly. He took another step closer. He leaned against the balcony railing next to Ty. “But I think I’m going to stay out here, with you. To keep you company.”

Ty chewed on his lip, his expression torn. He looked confused, and kind of…nervous. “Are you—have you…um. Nevermind.”

“Hmm?” Kit asked, his heart starting to beat a little faster, anxious to know what Ty wanted to say.

“Nothing, sorry,” Ty said. Kit glanced over and noticed that Ty’s hands were clenched on the railing.

Fuck it, here was his chance.

“Ty.”

Ty turned his head a little quicker than Kit suspected he meant to. “Yes?”

“I forgive you,” Kit said softly. Now it was him who couldn’t meet Ty’s eyes. His stomach was all fluttery as he waited for Ty’s response. 

“What?”

“A while ago, you asked me how long it would take for me to forgive you and I told you I didn’t know,” Kit continued, closing his eyes as he remembered that horrible day, remembered his harsh words to Ty. He’d still been angry then. Still been hurt. Still felt like it was impossible to love or be loved. Now he realized how wrong he’d been. He knew now that he still loved Ty, just like he had when they were fifteen. Like he always would. His anger had subsided and all he felt when he thought back to those interactions was regret. He wished he’d been there for Ty when Ty had needed him most. “Well, now I know.”

“Kit.”

Kit turned slowly to face Ty. “Yeah?”

Ty reached out and grasped Kit’s hands. “You had every right to hate me. I know that now. I shouldn’t have expected you to forgive me. You still have every right to hate me.”

“But I don’t,” Kit blinked. “I don’t hate you. I could never hate you, Ty. I—”

“Don’t say it,” Ty said. “Please.”

Kit froze. His hands dropped from Ty’s. If he was honest, he hadn’t expected Ty to say it back. At least not in the way he wanted Ty to. But it still stung, not even being allowed to get the words out.

Ty peered at Kit’s face, and his own face fell. “I’ve offended you, haven’t I?”

“No, no you’re fine,” Kit said, aware how hollow his voice sounded. But he couldn’t help it. He was embarrassed all over again. “I can’t expect you to reciprocate, can I? Some things just aren’t meant to be—”

Ty’s brows furrowed. He looked confused. Then his expression became one of determination.“No, sometimes, I think they are.”

And then Ty grabbed Kit gently, and pulled him in for a kiss.

Every emotion flooded through Kit at once. This was the last thing he’d expected from this conversation. But now here he was, Ty grabbing him by the shirt, their lips pressed together—

And his entire brain was malfunctioning. He couldn’t form coherent thoughts. All he knew is that he liked it (perhaps too much) and that he was kissing Ty back.  He didn’t touch Ty, instead he gripped the balcony behind him, letting Ty take the lead. He only wanted whatever Ty wanted; nothing more, nothing that could be out of Ty’s comfort zone.

Kit had expected Ty to be more hesitant, but he wasn’t. He seemed almost desperate, like he was afraid Kit would push him away. And though Kit had kissed boys before, this was different. This was Ty. And any other person he’d ever kissed was completely and utterly forgettable to him in comparison to Ty. In fact, he had forgotten them. All he could think was Ty.

Then he heard the sound of someone coming onto the balcony. A voice followed the sound. “Kit, are you out here—”

Ty and Kit broke apart and turned to the voice. It was Tessa….with a sleeping Mina in her arms.

Tessa was staring at them, surprised. Her surprise turned into a small smile.

“Am I interrupting anything?”

Ty let go of Kit’s shirtfront and Kit straightened up. “Um, no. Hi…”

“Hi, Kit,” Tessa said, outright smirking now. Kit’s cheeks flushed bright red and he noticed that Ty was looking everywhere but at Kit or Tessa. “Sorry about that. I was coming to ask if you wouldn’t mind putting Mina to bed for her nap…but you seem busy so I’ll do it. No worries.” She turned and started walking away. She called back over her shoulder with an amused voice, “You kids have fun, see you later. I’ll make sure no one bothers you.”

Kit wanted to crawl under a rock and hide. That was embarrassing to say the least.

Ty coughed.

Kit turned back to him. “I’m so sorry–”

Ty pulled him in for another kiss. This one was just a quick brush of lips but it was enough to shut Kit up and offer a sheepish smile.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” Ty said, sounding almost surprised to hear the words come out of his mouth. “So that’s what all the fuss is about.”

Oh.

“It was better than I was expecting,” Ty mused. “Probably because it was you.”

“So that means—”

“I liked it, Kit,” Ty said, moving so that he was leaning on the balcony next to Kit. He brushed his hand against Kit’s ever so slightly. “I like you. I never understood what people meant by that until you. But now, I understand what that means. I understand that feeling.”

Kit rubbed his other hand over his burning face to try and bring the color out of it. “I—I don’t know what to say.”

Ty turned to him. “Yes, you do. You’re just afraid to because I cut you off earlier. But I only did that because I wanted you to know how I felt first.”

“Ty….” Kit said slowly. “Did you really mean it when you said that some things are meant to be?”

“Yes, of course,” Ty replied. “Of course I meant it. I always mean what I say, especially when it comes to you. It’s taken me a lot longer to get there, but I know how I feel now. And I would never even consider lying to you about those feelings, because they involve you too. And because I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I love you, Ty,” Kit said after a moment of processing Ty’s words. “I’ve always loved you, ever since we were kids. I never stopped. And I never will.”

Ty rubbed his eyes, and Kit realized Ty was crying a little bit.

“Can I hug you?”

Ty nodded, and Kit slid his arms around Ty’s shoulders. Ty held onto Kit tightly. They stood like that for a long time, even after Ty had stopped crying. Kit suspected that Ty was trying to make up for three years wasted. And he was completely fine with that. Nothing was better than the feeling of Ty’s arms around him, knowing that Ty felt something for him. He didn’t want to call it love necessarily, because it was Ty’s decision to call it that and he hadn’t yet, but it was something. And Kit would take something.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

thanks for reading, lovely human!! plz reblog, like, and comment if you enjoyed!!!

[ackerpreach]

This ending .... I can name 500 reasons and I will name them right now, because I don’t think I’m the only one who is upset with how things turned out. (Also, A positive message for all of you at the end)

MAJOR LEAKS SPOILERS/ READ WITH CAUTION

Update: after reading more theories from fellow RM bloggers, and sleeping over it one day, this entire chapter might be an april fools... Don't fully lose hope yet beautiful people. It's me just giving a review on a possible fake April fools chapter

After following this franchise since 2013, so nearly a DECADE. this ending is a pure disserve to the entire fandom. I feel like Yams has rushed it just for the sake of being done with the entire manga. So many things are left open, characters and their developemt are reverted back all the way to chapter 1 or are left even worse than that...

Mikasa’s worthless character development/ Aaronmika’s horrible toxic codependent relationship 

Oh honey... Let’s start with how horrible Isayama has treated her. We were all rooting for her, because we all felt like she was so misunderstood. She had a horrible childhood and imprinted on a guy who treated her like trash 99 percent of the story. And then, slowly but surely, she starts to realize she has to stop obsessing over him in the uprising arc with the help of a real man who treats her like a queen, more importantly, he treats her like a real human being. This man sees her for her abilities and that she has the power to be self dependent. She learned parts of herself, that she was able to work together with him like no one else could.  She learned parts of herself she was unable to do so if she kept obsessing about Aaron. All this love, care, mutual understanding and RESPECT these two shared. 

but...NAH FUCK THAT, right Yams?? Throw all this development away, all this bonding. Let’s make the main female lead even more yandere than she already was in the first season. Let her make out with his decapacitated head (like dude, this is also pure disrespect to Aaron’s dead body btw) and let her obsess even more about the guy who has treated her no better than a piece of toilet cloth 99 percent of the time. The guy who was never really appreciative in front of her for saving his ass billions of times, who always pushed her away, who yells at her and snaps at her whenever he can instead of reasoning and talking calmly with her in mature way. (EVEN PARODY YOUTUBE CHANNELS WHO DONT SHIP ANYTHING MAKE IT A TROPE WHERE AARON TELLS MIKASA HE HATES HER GUTS WHENEVER HE CAN) 

Then after all that, suddenly Yams tries to last minute persuade us Aaron’s always been head over heels for her???  He should have build their relationship better which he hasn’t even tried to do so... He must be thinking his fans are stupid for eating this from his hands.    

Like seriously??? What is this??? 

Isayama is just fully contradicting himself. It’s like someone tipped him off with a buttload of money for him to write Aaron like this to satisfy shipping needs and to cash in those extra money’s from it. Even if he tried to cater to Erem*ika, this is not how you write a loving and caring couple which people will root for. 

This next two panels just freaking infuriates me to the core of my soul. I can’t even describe how dissapointed I am with Mikasa. 

Why is she clutching that head so obsessively like that?  Why is she walking and turning her back away from her comrades? After everything they have done for her, after all they’ve been through?! After everything Armin has done? Standing up for Mikasa, beating up Aaron for hurting her. I feel like even Jean, Connie and Sasha have cared more for her in a healthy way.  Sure, Aaron cares for her romantically too apparently (What a twist Yams :)), but has he aided her to becoming a mentally healthier individual? Has he aided in her mental stability? The answer is a big fat NO!  All I see between these two after today’s raw Chapter’s are too Yandere obsessed individuals who have no clue on how to maintain a healthy relationship. 

Love should only go as far as the heart can endure and it seems like her character is not willing to be aware of that. Even Armin was able to let go of Aaron in those latest panels. Why does her entire character resolve around this guy??? I really do not understand. Her Ackerbond and her age is not an excuse for her to throw her life away like this. 

Shonen’s disgusting portrayal of women 

I’ve seen this countless of times in the many years I’ve watched anime. SasuS*ku from Naruto, Ichih*me from Bleach, Shinji and that oranged hair girl from Neon Evangelion.. Why do these women get decreased to simpletons with one single goal? And that is to obsess over a bland male lead who either treats them like trash or doesn’t notice them up until the last last chapter (LITERALLY WHAT YAMS HAS DONE). Some go even as far as the male leading wanting the kill the female love interest and yet the female lead is still in love with them???. It’s disgusting for him to write the MAIN female character this way. 

It’s dissapointing we believed in Isayama doing Mikasa’s character right. That she’s finally being able to let go of her codependency and to live for herself maybe live in Hizuru and find more about her roots???, but every single time she shows some improvement, it’s burried deep in the ground again by the Author. It almost seems like a lowkey kink of some of the male Mangaka’s to write about a girl obsessing over them no matter what. I see this so many times to the point that I truly stand behind it that some of them might have this fantasy. 

I wished he didn’t portray her last panels like this. Everyone else is living their lives while Mikasa is still grieving about him. I’m not saying she’s not allowed to grieve and everyone takes it at their own pace, but cmon... Show her living her life too. This is too much. Her being next to his grave and grieving him as her last panels just shoves it in our faces that YET AGAIN, BEING OBSESSED WITH AARON IS ALL HER CHARACTER STANDS FOR. 

I truly despise how Isayama handles her grieving, kissing his decapacitated head, carrying it around like some handbag, and her last panels being thissss.

The world leaving Paradis alone miraciously after all that??? 

It’s so weird and out of place with so many political feuds and disagreements between the world and Paradis, the entire Rumbling happening and we can see Mikasa just chilling outside in Paradis with no one bothering them. You can see the rings of the walls in the picture below.  I don’t know the exact reason behind as the manga is still in Korean, but from what I see, the story went the route of: throwing a happy ending without enough proper reason and  it was all fixed just like that in a snap! It doesn’t fit the entire narrative of attack on titan for things to be so peacful out of nowhere. When it comes to the narrative, how things work in that world, how hard it is to achieve peace, everything made somewhat sense up until chapter 138. 139 seems so so out of place...  It’s like I’m reading a chapter from a totally different manga. 

Aaron Yoghurt got defeated so easily/ Aaron’s character assassination

The build up on the first part of the rumbling was great, those kids carrying coins. You could feel humanity’s fear and Aaron’s hatred in those pages. As if he truly had a goal and he has turned away completely from his comrades and his closest friends with no return. The world seemed truly doomed, but he  got defeated just like that. He was in the nape all this time (because screw the warhammer power of hiding yourself elsewhere in his ginormous titan body). There is no master plan as we all expected, and in the end he just acts all yandere in the paths with Armin and that’s it... They massacared his entire character as well. Many fan theories created a better ending with his character. Him being reincarnated as Historia’s baby would be so much better. For him to still keep on seeking and to strive for power. It has always been his motive. It’s his personality from the start until chapter 138. Even if things are okay, to keep on going and to seek that adventure, but then.. He’s so weak and directionless suddenly.. It’s so weird... This is not Aaron at all???

Using Aaron for him this entire post, because I don’t want others to invade our tags... :)))

Historia’s baby 

The only panel we got from Historia’s child was this. Just a normal kid, normal life... Why did Isayama put so much effort in highlighting Historia’s pregnancy if it was nothing too spectacular anyway? It seemed he had major plans for this kid and for their development too??? It’s again, big plans, big developments, big relationship dynamic, but all  got thrown out of the window... 

Don’t read the next sentence if you are a minor :’) 

It’s like almost ejaculating, but stopping right before it and repeating that every single Arc.

My energy when writing about this chapter is the same as Nostalgia Critic and his hatred for atla the live action

In Conclusion...

I know us fans should not be deciding on how this story should end, because this is Isayama’s story after all, but I truly wished for him to wrap up things much more rounded. There are so many unanswered questions... Again, I think for the sake of being done with this manga, he rushed all of it. He’s become a millionaire from this story and now his pockets are jammed full, I guess he doesn’t need to put in any effort anymore, right? Perhaps a controversial opinion, but I really wished he cared for his fans a little bit more with this last chapter by giving some answers that make sense at least. It’s his fans who gave him this platform and the opportunity to tell his story and for him to at least give in a bit of effort especially in the last chapter is the least he can do. Rivamika being canon or not, he truly rushed it without thinking much about the entire story line. He expanded it so much, he didn’t know how to bind it all together.

Even after all this, I’ll still ship them in the headcanon type of way. I do give credit to Isayama for giving us a template for such a beautiful dynamic between Levi and Mikasa. He decides to waste it, but that doesn’t mean we have to.  I want to thank all the people with amazing writing skills, the ones who give us beautiful art like @carmenlee @phit chan @vialesana​ and many more. I want to remind all of you that we can create something beautiful of our own and we don’t neccesarily need canon lore for that. The art I’ve seen, the fanfictions I’ve read have touched me deeper than Isayama ever could at times.The Mikasa in our mind is appreciate of Levi, is mature, classy and has a strong will for herself. They spend their remaining days together peacefully. Keep writing, keep drawing, stay creative. 

I love you all so so much, I’ve only been publicly active since March, but thank you Rivamika fandom for giving me so much joy as a lurker these past 7 years <3

[css1992]

could u do more high school au's pls? I was thinking maybe rich popular peter who seems untouchable and then grungy tony who just doesnt care for appearances and hes been pining after peter his whole school life

+

could u make it so that tony is rich and everyone knows it but he just doesn't care about his money and doesnt act rich so it's one of those things that u know but dont acknowledge. also if tony's daddy issues made an appearance id be so happy ty.

I’m so sorry for the delay, but I really do hope this scratches your itch! 

***

He had that sort of beauty that almost hurt to look at. So pure and soft. Pink cheeks, small eyes that squinted when he laughed – which was often –; brown, wavy hair, so shiny and silky-looking; thin, pink lips, always stretched in a smile. He had the most beautiful smile Tony had ever seen, too. Honest and wide, happy.

He was never alone. Of course he wasn’t. He was too magnetic, there were always people drawn to his light, following him around, laughing at his jokes, making him laugh in return. Everyone seemed to want a piece of him, a scrap of his attention. And he, being the lovely human being that he was, made room for anyone who wished to bask in his light.

Jocks liked him. Peter was great at team sports, he was light on his feet and good with his hands. He wasn’t in any teams, though, claimed he didn’t have the time, but he was always picked first in P.E. group activities. Tony knew, watched him at practice way too often – from a distance, of course, as he did his stretches and sit-ups with Rhodes.

Nerds liked him, too. He was really smart, an asset to the Decathlon team, and was always willing to help anyone having trouble in class. Even the weirdos from drama club, glee club and the school band loved him – he never made fun of them, on the contrary, he was always very vocal about how talented they were and how he wished he could be a part of their clubs, too.

Girls swooned at him. He was kind and sweet, a good listener, and gorgeous. Guys weren’t immune to his charms, either. The ones Tony knew for a fact that were gay or bi didn’t even try to pretend they didn’t watch him when he walked down the halls, but even supposedly straight guys, like Steve Rogers, sneaked a peek now and then, face flushed, if he was wearing specially tight jeans.

Tony was jealous of all those people, but he learned to deal with it. He’d been, well, admiring him from a distance for years. He was used to seeing people make passes at him, ask him out. Peter was discreet, though. If he ever dated anyone, nobody ever heard anything about it. He was a mystery, Tony wasn’t even sure if he was gay, straight, bi or whatever – there were rumors that he had made out with Wade Wilson in freshman year, but neither of them confirmed or denied it. Tony hated the guy anyway.

“If you keep staring, people are gonna know you’re in love and not actually dead inside,” Rhodey spoke up right next to him, taking a huge bite of his tuna sandwich. Tony averted his gaze from Peter’s table for a minute and looked at his friend, annoyed. “It’s gonna ruin your whole aesthetic.”

“Very funny,” He rolled his eyes and looked back at Peter. There were so many people around him he could barely catch a glimpse of his smile, which was annoying.

His dad’s company, Parker Innovations, had just released a new phone a few weeks earlier, it was ridiculous how many people thought they could get one for free if they kissed his ass hard enough. At least Tony didn’t have to endure that kind of nonsense anymore. People in that school learned very early on that even though he was related to Howard Stark, he wanted nothing to do with the guy – or his company, or his money. They also learned sucking up to him did nothing but annoy him, so they kind of just forgot he existed over time and he blended right in with everyone else – a blessing in its own right.

“Rhodey is right, you’re drooling, it’s a little embarrassing,” Natasha looked at him with boredom as she nibbled on her fries. “You should just ask him out, you’ve been pining for ages.”

“I’m not pining,” he huffed, irritated, and the redhead smirked, raising a perfectly manicured brow.

“Right, yearning might be more accurate. Bruce?” She glanced at their other friend who scratched his chin, pretending to think about it.

“I think obsessing sounds more like it. Rhodey?”  

“Fuck you guys,” he barked before they could keep the game going, and all three laughed at him. Someone got up from Peter’s table and he caught a glimpse of his beautiful face, their eyes made contact for half a second and Tony looked away.

“No, but seriously, Tones. Just go talk to him, he’s a great guy, I’m sure he wouldn’t be an ass about it.” Bruce adjusted his glasses and said that like it was simple. Like he would have the guts to do it if he was in Tony’s position – he wouldn’t, he’d pined for Thor, an exchange student, for a year, and never worked up the courage to ask him out. The guy went back to Norway or whatever and Bruce never even said hi to him.

“I know, of course he wouldn’t, but I don’t wanna be one of those people begging for his attention, just look at that.” He pointed at the little crowd around him, people were almost literally fighting for his attention, the poor guy could barely finish his lunch. “It’s ridiculous.”

“Yeah, but you’re not them,” Natasha said that like it was the most obvious thing in the world and Tony frowned.

“How am I different?”

“You’re a certified genius, you and him have similar interests and you look hot in a ‘I’m gonna fuck  you raw in the back of my car’ kinda way. I don’t know, maybe he’s into that.” The redhead shrugged, again, saying all that like it was obvious and an unquestionable truth.

“Yeah, right, sounds just like him,” Tony scoffed.

Peter was perfect in so many ways – perfect face, perfect body, perfect grades, Tony was sure he pooped out candy or something – of course he wouldn’t go for a guy like him. He had a bad reputation, he was in detention more often than not and people in general considered him an asshole – all because he didn’t partake in their little games of social climbing or whatever. No, Peter wouldn’t go for his grungy ass. He’d probably go for all American, apple pie, boy-next-door Steve Rogers.

“No, she’s right, I’ve seen him looking at you several times.” Bruce pointed out, not for the first time, and Tony scoffed.

“Oh, yeah? When?”

“AP chemistry class. I’m his lab partner, remember?” How could Tony forget? As Mr. Erskine called out their names, Tony prayed to a God he didn’t even believe in that he’d be paired up with Peter, but no such luck. “He stares at you whenever he has a chance or an excuse. You know, when you blow things up, for example.”

“Yeah, which is why he must stare, he must be afraid for his life.” Tony hated to admit that he was way more prone to causing explosive accidents when Peter was in the room. It was fucking embarrassing.

He sighed, drinking the last of his coke. No matter what his friends said, he knew he didn’t stand a chance with Peter. He was… Untouchable. He was too good for him, Tony wasn’t even sure he’d want to taint him if he had a chance –  no, scratch that, he definitely would.

He chose to watch him from afar, allowing himself a few fantasies and daydreams. He had this really stupid and lame one, where he walked up to Peter in the hall, people just parted to let him through, then he gave him his trademark, lopsided grin and asked him out. Peter smiled brightly up at him, holding his books to his chest, cheeks flushed, eyelashes fluttering as he whispered a shy “yes” and leaned up to kiss him. Yeah. That was the whole fantasy.

Peter was so untouchable to him that he didn’t even dare to dream further than that. Of course when he was alone in his room, late at night, relieving himself, a few… less pure fantasies popped up unsolicited, but he felt so guilty then, dirty even, like he was disrespecting him somehow. It was all very confusing, but he still came, shamefully, to the thought of his beautiful face scrunched up in pleasure as dream-Tony fucked him.

The bell rang and everyone hurried to get to their next period, Peter was no different, he gathered his things and stood up, looking around the cafeteria like he was looking for someone. Their eyes met again for a second, but Tony quickly looked away, grabbing his backpack in a hurry to leave.

It was Thursday, the worst day of the week for him, none of his friends were free to hang out with him until later, so he either had to head home and deal with Howard or he had to find somewhere to be for a couple of hours, until Rhodey was done with football practice so they could go to his place. That day, Tony decided to just stay by his car, smoking a cigarette and singing along to Black Sabath’s Iron Man, it wasn’t like he had anywhere to go. He was so distracted watching the smoke dissipate into thin air that he didn’t notice when someone approached, and jumped almost a foot in the air when they spoke.

“Aren’t you afraid of getting caught smoking on school grounds?” Tony almost dropped dead when he registered the angelic voice. He was already having a heart attack as it was, but the boy was so close and he had that beautiful smile in place, blushing cheeks and all. It took almost a full minute for him to calm himself down.  

“I won’t tell if you don’t.” The older teen answered when he finally found his voice and got his breath under control enough not to make a fool of himself. Peter smiled wider, biting his lower lip.

“Your secret is safe with me.” He fake whispered, leaning a little into the older boy’s space and he almost choked on nothing. Peter’s smell was inebriating, expensive and sweet, but not overly so – perfect. He recomposed himself quickly, though, and nodded, but didn’t say anything else. He wasn’t sure why Peter was talking to him and, frankly, he was too fucking nervous to think of anything cool to say. The younger teen deflated a little faced with Tony’s silence; he looked around, seeming a little lost. “You’re Tony, right?”

Fuck, the way he said his name. His name. It was fucking music to his ears, the most beautiful tune. But how did he even know his name? Sure, he was Tony Stark, so not really anonymous, but people often forgot about it.

“Yeah. And you’re Peter.” Tony didn’t play games, he didn’t even try to pretend like he didn’t know who Peter was. It would be dumb anyway, everybody knew him. The other boy nodded shyly, it looked like he wanted to say something else, but he kept biting his lips and looking around nervously. Tony frowned. “Is everything okay?”

“No. I mean, yeah, sure, it’s fine, it’s just, uhm. I have a flat tire and the wheel bolts are really tight and I couldn’t get them off, so I thought – I mean, could you, uh –“ He gestured wildly as he stuttered out his answer, looking in the general direction of his flashy, cherry red sports car. “I mean, it’s okay if you’re busy, but I –“

“Sure, I’ll help, don’t worry.” Tony threw his cigarette butt on the ground and stepped on it. He was a little more at ease now that he knew why Peter was talking to him – he just needed help – and the best thing was, Tony was really good with cars. Of course, one didn’t need to have a PhD in mechanics to change a tire, but it still made him feel really good that he would be able to help properly.

“Thanks, you’re a life saver.” The chirpy attitude was back, as well as the smile, it made Tony’s heart flutter. He nodded sharply, looking away from his face, and gestured for Peter to lead the way.

When they reached his car, Tony whistled lowly, crouching down to look at the completely flat tire, as he tried to find the source of the problem. He was surprised to notice a two-inch cut on the surface of it, and it didn’t seem accidental.

“Fuck, Peter, it looks like someone sliced your tire.” When he looked up at the younger boy, he didn’t look surprised, but nervous. It was an odd reaction. Tony wondered if Peter already knew that – maybe he knew who did it and was scared of them? It made Tony’s blood boil. Why would anyone do that to Peter?

“Wh-what? How do you know that?” He bit his lower lip nervously, scratching his arm, and Tony frowned, worried.

“Here, look.” He gestured for Peter to crouch down next to him and pointed at the cut. “This is clearly a stab mark. Judging by the size and shape of it, I’d say this was probably done with a pocketknife.”

“Oh. Yeah, of course. Clearly.” He face-palmed, like he felt stupid, maybe for not seeing it before, but Tony still worried.

“If you want, I could go with you to the administration. We can ask them to check the security cameras. I think that one might have caught whoever did this.” He pointed at a security camera nearby, Tony knew where all of them were in the parking lot area – he’d been caught smoking way too many times not to know.

“What? There are –? I mean, look, it’s okay, it’s probably just someone trying to play a prank, it’s no big deal, it’s fine.” He stood up quickly, shaking his head, and Tony was positive he felt threatened somehow, he was acting so weird.

“If you’re sure… But if you change your mind, I’ll go with you, ok?” Tony stood up and took off his leather jacket. The weather was nice, just a bit chilly, so he was wearing a thin, white t-shirt with short sleeves underneath. He thought he heard Peter’s breath hitch for a second, but it was probably just his imagination. “Can you hold this for me?” He held out his jacket and the boy blushed, blinking rapidly.

“S-sure.”

Tony bit his bottom lip to refrain from asking, again, if everything was fine. Peter looked so freaking nervous, he was even sweating a little at the temples. Tony was positive he knew who did that to his car, but didn’t want to tell him for some reason. Maybe he wanted to protect whoever did it, maybe it was a boyfriend, or an ex. He gritted his teeth, hands closing in fists, but didn’t say anything, just crouched down and got to work.

The first bolt came off easily, it wasn’t tight at all, so he thought maybe Peter had already loosened it when he tried earlier. The second and third ones came off just as easily, though, only the fourth one was a little trickier, but nothing the younger teen couldn’t have handled himself. Tony thought maybe he hadn’t tried too hard, maybe he was afraid the person who did that would show up or something. He was so glad he was there to help, he wondered if Peter felt safe with him around, and the thought made him feel oddly proud and protective of him.

He made quick work of changing the tires, making sure not to screw the bolts too tight, then put the sliced one in the trunk of the car. When he turned around to look at Peter, he was looking intently at him, almost hypnotized, holding his jacket close to his chest like it was a puppy.

“All done.” Tony smiled and the boy seemed to snap out of a trance.

“Oh, thank you so much, really, you’re too kind.” He smiled broadly and the older teen scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Don’t mention it.” They were silent for a few seconds after that, but Peter kept holding his jacket and didn’t make any move to give it back to him. “Uhm, could I–?” He gestured towards the jacket and again the boy jumped up in surprise.

“Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, here.” He handed it to him and quickly crossed his empty arms over his chest. “So, uhm,… Your dad is having a gala this weekend, right? Are you gonna be there?” Ah, so Peter did know who he was, not just his first name. The older teen leaned against the car and stuck his hands in his pockets, shrugging.

“Not if I can help it.” He smirked, trying to act cool, but now that he didn’t have anything to do with his hands, he was growing nervous.

“Oh,” Peter looked… disappointed? He dropped his gaze to the floor, shuffling his feet, and Tony stood up straight, frowning.

“Why?”

“Nothing, it’s just – my parents are going, so I thought I’d tag along to, you know... but it’s okay.” He kicked an imaginary rock and avoided Tony’s eyes. The older teen stared at him with wide eyes, heart beating fast – what was the end of that sentence? Peter couldn’t possibly mean–

“I don’t – what, you’d go to, like, hang out with me or something?” He felt stupid when he stumbled on the words, but Peter didn’t seem to notice, his cheeks were burning red and he was looking anywhere else but at Tony.

“I mean, you must have much better things to do, of course, I was just –” He chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head, finally looking up at Tony. “Sorry, just forget about it, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“No, wait!” He rushed to interrupt him and Peter looked back at him with huge, Bambi eyes. Tony coughed awkwardly, blushing a little. “I mean, like, uhm… If you – would you wanna go as my date? To the gala?” He blurted out, finally, because what the hell. The worst that could happen was Peter say no, and he could deal with it. He would survive, for sure. It wouldn’t be a big deal. Really. It wouldn’t.

But he didn’t say no, he smiled broadly, eyes twinkling in excitement.

“I’d love to!” He answered quickly, and Tony’s heart fluttered, Peter looked genuinely happy.  “Could you – uhm, text me what color of tie you’ll be wearing? If you want! I understand if you think it’s lame, but I thought–”

“No, it’s fine.” His heart was beating so loud, Peter Fucking Parker wanted to coordinate ties with him, it was fucking corny and cliché and he loved it. “Uhm, here, give me your number.” He fished his phone from his back pocket and gave it to the younger teen.

“Cool.” Peter typed in his number and as soon as he gave his phone back, Tony sent him a smiley face so he would have his number, too. “Cool, cool, cool...” He rocked on the balls of his feet and looked around, like he was looking for something else to say.

“So… Do you have to be home soon or…?” Tony stuck his hands in his pockets again, wondering if maybe he was pushing his luck, but Peter shook his head quickly.

“Not really, no, my parents don’t really mind what time I get home as long as I let them know. You?”

“They don’t really care.” He shrugged, taking one step closer to Peter. “So… are you hungry, by any chance?”

“I’m starving.” He nodded, looking up at Tony in anticipation. It drove the butterflies in his stomach crazy.

“I know a place where they serve great burgers. We could go in my car and I could drop you off here on our way back, I’m just a little worried someone is gonna try to fuck up your car again. I mean, what if they’re targeting you or something?” Just the mention of what happened earlier made Peter nervous. He stuck his hands in the pockets of his bomber jacket and shook his head.

“Oh, don’t worry about it, I’m sure it’s fine.” He didn’t look worried, though, at least not anymore.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, trust me, I am.” Tony found the sudden change odd, but thought maybe he was just trying to play it cool, so he let it go.  

“Okay, then, c’mon, my car is right there,” Tony gestured to his car and Peter smiled, taking his hands off his pockets. When he did, though, something slipped out and fell to the ground with a metallic noise. Tony quickly crouched down to get it for him, when he noticed what it was. “Wh – is that…?” He frowned, examining the pocketknife as if it was alien material. He was confused at first, because Peter didn’t seem like the kind of guy to carry one around, but then it dawned on him. When he looked at the younger teen, his face was so red it looked like he was about to explode.

“Uhm… If I told you I’ve never seen this before in my life would you believe it?” He chuckled nervously, scratching his arm, as Tony stood up. The older teen raised a brow at him.”Sorry, I just – I wanted an excuse to talk to you.” He said quietly, dropping his gaze.

“You know, you could have gone with the weather or whatever.” Tony answered, amused, and it made the younger boy look up at him.

“You’re just very intimidating,” He looked at him with huge, scared eyes, and Tony cocked his head to the side.

“Me?” He raised a brow.

“Yeah.” Peter answered pointedly, and Tony smirked, offering him his knife back.

“You do realize you just sliced your own tire so you’d have an excuse to talk to me, right? And I’m intimidating?” He joked, but Peter didn’t seem to find it funny. He winced and covered his face with his hands, clearly embarrassed.

“You must think I’m such a freak,” He groaned, voice muffled by his palms.

“Hey, hey, yes, I do think you’re a freak.” He grabbed Peter’s thin wrists and marveled at how perfectly they fit in his hands. He definitely saved that thought for later. “But you’re a really cute one.” He grinned and Peter chuckled, a delicate flush rising onto his cheeks.

“I feel stupid.” He admitted, worrying his bottom lip, but Tony shook his head, working up the nerve to cup Peter’s face in his hand.

“I feel flattered,” He said, honestly, and Peter’s breath hitched. He stared up at Tony, eyelashes fluttering, moist, pink lips slightly open. The older teen leaned down slowly and when the Peter closed his eyes, their lips touched. Just like in his fantasies, Peter tasted sweet, his lips were soft and his arms circled Tony’s neck in a warm embrace. When they parted, Tony smiled down at him, stroking his blushing cheek. “Just promise that if this doesn’t work out you won’t, like, key my car or something.”

“Oh, God,” he groaned, but they both laughed out loud, as they walked hand in hand across the parking lot.

[jrueships]

ok so about ur kawhi/pg fic..... spill 😳

WOW IF IT ISNT MY FIRST ANON ASK A N D IT'S ABOUT MY PLANNED PG/KAWHI FIC! WHAT A TOTAL SURPRISE! I AM IN SHOCK.

Jwbdisbdjd OKAY let me just start off with a quick INFO. It's gonna be long I lied. WARNING 18+ TOPICS DISCUSSED

OKAY so the fic is taking SUPER long to write because I am NOT a horny fic writer guy! I usually stick in the G fics! But porn with feelings has me by the THROAT bro it's the way some intimate words can only be spurned through intimate actions... the complex feelings and different opinions and UGHH kawhi is just a BIG words thru actions guy AND SO IS PAUL kinda!! BUT ANYWAYS... HERES THE SFW PLOT EXPLANATION SO FAR. B U T if you want just the NSFW deets... scroll down for the emojis!!! It's very long...

So it's post clippers playoff loss but like POSTPOST and basically Paul finds out Lou Will got traded and pat bev blames Paul being awful during the playoffs for it. The encounter happens while Lou, Pat Bev, Paul, and Mann were all gambling in Vegas. Theres a whole thing where Paul was trying to teach Mann how to gamble by just telling him "do what I do." AKA bet on me. After pat bev yells at Paul and Lou has to calm the situation over, Mann loses the game AKA he betted on Paul and lost.

The whole situation makes Paul feels guilty but he's still too stuck in his zero accountability to admit it. He goes home and just plays video games to take the stress off. He tries to make excuses that try to avoid blaming/acknowledging his performance, 'The kind of Basketball theyre playing isn't just a fun sport. It's a Business. It's not his fault business happened.' So he's just blocking everything out.

But then Kawhi walks in.

They don't say anything. Kawhi just sits on the couch with him while he games. Every now and then, he'd scoot a little closer. Until he's close enough where he sets his hand down in the space between them and waits. Paul finally speaks and it's basically just a bunch of excuses tumbling out until he runs out and ends up on the verge of admitting that He (paul) messed up (the whole time he's talking, as his frustrations rise into actual anger with himself, he's exerting more and more pressure on his gaming controller). When his anger reaches its peak and almost reveals itself, he stops himself by almost breaking his controller. And he starts shaking. So he takes Kawhi's hand.

And that let's Kawhi know it's okay to touch him now. And, gentle as a light breeze, he does. He asks if he can, and when paul nods, he does. It starts as a kiss that gets deeper until paul ends up laid against the couch with kawhi on top of him.

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

OKAY so. They both want this. But for different reasons and that's gonna clash.

PAUL wants to have sex so they can both let out their frustrations. He THINKS kawhi hates him and can't wait to trade him BECAUSE kawhi gambled on him and LOST so if he let's kawhi vent that anger of losing on him.. MAYBE.. maybe kawhi will stay next season and forgive him. He desperately thinks that MAYBE that's the only way kawhi CAN ever Possibly forgive him. Because Paul can't Say sorry, can't be emotionally vulnerable like that, so he'll just say it with his body and be PHYSICALLY vulnerable FOR kawhi as a twisted form of saying sorry. And a part of Paul WANTS kawhi to vent out all his anger on him during it too. A part of him, that won't ever admit it, internally believes he deserves some sort of punishment for his performance. And what better way than thru hatesex RIGHT??

But KAWHI wants to be gentle. He wants to be slow. He wants to be careful. He doesn't hate Paul because kawhi ALSO blames himself. But he's ALSO too scared to admit it. But he DOES feel bad as well. Paul took most of the backlash from the media. Kawhi Didn't. So kawhi wants to make Paul feel good. Let Paul know that kawhi is someone he can love and trust and that Kawhi is still Strong and dependable, despite his bad season. He wants Paul to say he loves him and that he feels supported and safe.

So there's a big clash between Paul wanting Kawhi to be quick and rough with the sex and Kawhi wanting Paul to slow down and not get hurt. Two stubborn prides trying to both give the other what they THINK they want.

After a kiss, Paul REALLY starts it off by trying to give kawhi a blow job, but A. Paul has never given blowjobs before and B. Kawhi is Big.

So he chokes and gags and still tries to force it down his throat because kawhi DESERVES it. It's the only thing Paul can do for kawhi at this point.

But, kawhi is concerned because OFC HE IS!!! DONT PUSH UR LIMITS WHEN HAVING SEX!!! And he pulls paul off. Paul panics Internally bcus he's like "man not only do I suck at basketball but I also suck at giving head wtf guess stripping is out of my future careers after the nba" and he really REALLY doesn't want to disappoint kawhi anymore than he already did. But paul doesn't SAY that. Doesn't COMMUNICATE that. It's a conflict that they can't solve because they don't know WHATS the problem.

So they cut off the blowjob really quick. Paul is laid out on the couch, on his front because it's the better position for first timers according to kawhis research, and waiting for kawhi to finger him. And kawhi DOES. For a LONG fucking time. It's a good time. Like the BEST. He's very sweet and sensual with it. Wants to make sure nothing hurts paul when he puts It in eventually.

But the whole time paul is kind of fighting that because he keeps thinking "how is kawhi finding any enjoyment in this at All. I mean *I* am but like.. kawhi is the one doing all the work and for what pleasure?? He just has his stupid fingers up my ass?? This is stupid and dumb and not how I thought it was gonna be for him and I don't DESERVE to be the one pleasured."

So he keeps trying to buck back, get his fingers in deeper. And Kawhi has to keep him still, once again making paul worry that he's a horrible partner who's not pleasuring kawhi at all.

Eventually the conflicting actions with unspoken words is too much and they halt the sex and paul cries because he thinks he's awful at it and it was so bad they had to stop because of him. And it's very sad and shit so they finally have a heart to heart where they actually TALK about their feelings. They both soothe each other's worries and exchange praises and EVENTUALLY they end up fucking (face to face, paul IS on his back). Paul cries because it's good and slow but this time he KNOWS it's okay to take it good and slow because kawhi gets pleasure in HIM getting pleasured and YEAH.... it's SOFT SWEET AND SLOW SEX!!!!!! I don't wanna say TOO much about the ending but YEAH man was I waiting to infodump about this shit THANK U anon who I totally did not set up into asking me this 😎👍

[pinkfurygiver]

Rafe Cameron x Reader

This my first attempt, I’m foreign so excuse me if there are some spelling or/and grammar errors. Have fun (Y/N)!

Summary: Rafe and (Y/N) are really close friends (or maybe more?), and he usually sneaks in her room at night but this time something is different: he is covered in blood. (Y/N) is aware about his drug addiction, and even if she is still mad at him she decides to help him.

Tw: mention of drugs, underage drinking, blood. (Let me know if more)

“It’s three in the morning” (Y/N) said, feeling guilty that she left her room without telling her parents a thing. She wasn’t like that, not before him, she was the good daughter. The girl never went skinny dipping in the night, never talked back or neither did something to unplease the other. But since Rafe came in her life she become a trouble maker, always jumping out of her window to meet him and not caring about other opinions anymore. With him she felt so free, so free to be her true self. Always on the edge of time. Rafe made her stomach hurt, especially when he’s gentle touch met hers; she always felt like a dose of serotonin was injected in her vein.

But this time was different: she didn’t want to jump. Actually, she didn’t even considered doing so. It wasn’t strange for Rafe to call her that late in the night to meet her, but since the last time (Y/N) decided that she was fed up with his little game. If he wanted to spent some time with her then he could do it in the day time, maybe at the beach or somewhere else. She started to belive he was ashamed of being seen with her, and that hurted like a bitch.

“It’s home time, dumbass” She said, getting up of her bad with her blanket on her shoulders, because even if it was still summer, that night was pretty cold.

She looked out of her window, looking outside, with her phone still pressed against her cheeck.

Rafe was right next her gazebo, with his back on the wood of the construction looking right at her direction. She couldn’t see him properly because of the darkness, but she felt like something was about to go wrong.

His body language told her that something was wrong. He didn’t call her for some cuddles, he needed her. Even if she was still mad as hell with him now she decided to help him, ready to jump out of the window.

“This couldn’t wait until the morning?” She asked, trying to brake the tension between then with a fake smile on her face and a giggle. She opened her window and proceeded to jump on the green wet grass of her garden. Her window was on the first floor, so it wasn’t that hard to do this action and of course she had become a professional then. Her ankle hurted a bit, but she didn’t care: the goals was to figure out what was going on.

“I left you multiple missed calls” He mumbles, still not meeting her eyes. He was looking at the ground, messing with his own hair.

“Yeah, sorry I was sleeping” (Y/N) said, a little sarcastic. What else was she supposed to do? “Can you at least look me in the face?” She snapped, wanting his full attention.

And when he did face her, her heart almost stop. The beautiful face she always looked up in her mind when she missed him was now replaced with this now image: his mouth was full of blood, and the red stains cover his face arriving even on his cheecks. He didn’t even bothered cleaning him self or covering the blood, maybe thinking that wasn’t necessary. (Y/N) mind wondered if that was his blood or if he had fought someone.

The anger become to grow inside her chest, looking at the boy’s eyes with rage. What the hell had happened to him? (Y/N) knew that if he wasn’t at the police station to report the aggression was because that aggression was either his foult or was caused by illegal factors. And (Y/N) started to belive that the drugs was part of the equipment.

“Tell me this- She started, pointing with her chin to the mess his face was- has nothing to do with that Pugue-drug dealer” She begged, trying to hold his cheeck on the palm of her hand. He flitched, taking a few steps away. He didn’t denied the accusations, so (Y/N) figured out that was exactly what she feared. “Look, I dont need a lecture right now. I just need a place to stay for the night, if I go home looking like this my father will kill me”.

“I’m not helping you if you don’t explain yourself, Rafe” (Y/N) screamed with rage in her eyes. She hated what he was becoming, and she hated more the fact that she couldn’t save him form himself. His drug addiction was going to kill him, in some sort of way. And the first effects of his illness where showing with big red stains on his face. What was he thinking?

“What?” He exploded, not believing that (Y/N) was being such a bitch towards him. She was supposed to be his friend, and friends help each other.

“You heard me. You need to fucking stop getting high” She snapped back, waving a hand right in his face “Can you understand me or the crack burned all your neurons?”.

He left a little laugh leave his mouth. She was becoming really annoying at this point, and he started to regret calling her for help. Why didn’t he call Topper? God damn it, even JJ Maybank would have been more helpful.

“No, You don’t get to tell me what to do. Your not my father!” He fumed, rising his voce while his red eyes opened even wider. (Y/N) wasn’t scared of him (she was scared of anything), and she knew she could top him anytime she wanted with the perfect line.

She knew where it hurted, and wasn’t playing around at all.

“You’re right, I’m not. I actually give a shit about you” She said, lowing her voice enough to make the sentance even colder. His face muted from anger to hurt, showing his most fragile side: Rafe hated feeling vulnerabile, and (Y/N) knew it.

She always liked looking inside peoples head, trying to figure out why they behaved like they did. She wanted to become a profiler or psychiatrist, and Rafe was her favorite subject. (Y/N) knew about his bad relationship with his father, the drug issues, anger issues and had seen that if moved in the correct way Rafe would crumble completely.

“Fuck you, (Y/N). You don’t know what your talking about”

“Then tell me why you called me?” She asked, nodding her head in a sarcastic way waiting for him to explain the reason. “Tell me why’d you only call me when your high?”.

Rafe couldn’t say anything to calm her at this point: (Y/N) had every right to be mad at him.

“Look, I promise I will get better” He tried, looking as the girl in front of him took a huge breath “Yeah, I’m sure you will... do you thing I’m that fucking dumb?”

(Y/N) felt so sorry for him. She knew it wasn’t her job to drag him out of his messy life but she couldn’t leave him like that. Not him feeling like he wasn’t good enough and alone in that cold summer night.

“Im trying to change your mind” She said again, more softly. Begging him to listen to her without actually telling him to. Rafe looked at her with a confused sight, not understanding the suddenly change of her behavior. Was she still mad at him or not?

“What? You want to help me now?” He asked with hope in his voice, taking a step forward. “When you look at me like that, what else I’m supposed to do? Your face looks like shit” (Y/N) tried to say, while looking behind her back. They had screamed like two gorillas before, and now she was afraid someone was going to catch them with their hand in the cookie jar.

(Y/N) took her car’s key from the pocket, waking in her pajamas towards the spot she usually parked it. And Rafe followed her silently, watching every moviment of the girl. She walked slowly and well aware that if they get caught she will never be able to see him again.

Rafe couldn’t help but think how much her skin seemed to glow under the moon’s light, making her seem like an angel. He didn’t know if it was because of the drugs, in fact he still had a great dose inside his body, but, while she was looking behind her shoulder for him, he caught the desire to kiss her.

“Why the fuck are you looking at me like that? Move your stupid ass inside” She snapped, pushing him inside the car while she took the driver side, putting his belt on as soon as she sit down.

“I’m not a child, (Y/N). Stop treating me like one” He declared, looking outside putting the car’s window down “Well, you sure act like one”

“Where are we going?” Rafe asked, still pretty confused “Are you taking me home? (Y/N) you said you wouldn’t!”.

“I know what I said” she snapped, topping him once more “I’m taking you somewhere safe. It’s a mansion my dad bought last summer, we go there almost every Christmas. So for tonight no one is going to disturb your beautysleep, princess” She said, making fun of him just a bit “Damn, you’re so mean” He commented, making her eyes roll with nuisance.

“Mean?” (Y/N) mocked him, looking at the guy with a little smile on her mouth. How funny. She was the mean one now. “Don’t act so bossy with me, I’m not your stupid boyfriend” Rafe continued, showing once again his jealousy towards her. Since he saw (Y/N) and Pope talk in front of school, last weekend, Rafe was dying to beat his ass.

“Shut up, you don’t even know what a relationship is. All you know is smoke weed and drink alcohol with your stupid friends. Too afraid of being seen with me, apparently” She broke out, not even looking him right in the face. Her eyes now glued on the road. Why the hell did she said that out loud? He wasn’t supposed to know how much his behavior metter to her.

“Nonsense” He responded slowly, as if someone else was listening their conversation. He was so tired he couldn’t even keep his eyes open, lying his head on the passenger seat “I’m in love with you” He continued “I just don’t want anyone to know I have feeling” Then explained, feeling his cheeck burning for embarrassment “I’m too messed up, my problems would effect you and I dont want that”

“Seems like it already does” She noticed, not wanting to belive he just told her he was in love with her.

“(Y/N). Do you like me like that?”

“Your high Rafe, I can’t have this conversation with you”.

[llendrinall]

So i got another fic idea in my head The dates are very important. 1 (May 1998) Percy was a Ministry spy and he worked closely with Albus. He saved a lot of lives no matter their blood or if they were creatures. And at the battle of Hogwarts he saves Freds life but hes in crit condition George is a total ass (He's angry and takes it out on Percy) going off at him saying nasty things along the lines of that Percy isn't welcome at the Weasley home anymore.

2 When he tries to go to the House to talk to them he's not treated very well ("Dont wanna hear excuses Percy"). He just give up, packs his things in his flat, & the next morning he goes, gives his mission reports that date from the start of his Ministry career along with his resignation letter on Shacklebot's desk. Then he's off to America to start over he snuck into Freds hospital room & used Snapes healing charms as a way to 'set things right' before leaving.

3. Percy is now in New York, gets a job, and then spends the next 6 months working diligently and whatnot. Then he meets Audrey Smith, they end up going on a few dates and she introduces Percy to her local gym and they become gym buddies and soon start dating. (Aug 2000) After 2 years together (They're married) Percy and Audrey find out they're expecting. And then the twins are born on the 2nd of May 2001. Percy laughs a bit as Audrey pats him the shoulder and says "They sure chose the date"

4. Sep 11 2001) Audrey dies in the 9/11 attack (she was a muggle) & Percy is left a widow with 2 daughters to look after. (June 2002) He bumps into Oliver who's on a quidditch training exchange. They catch up. (Oliver doesn't bring up the fact that Percy's fam has been looking for him for years and that he's saved so many lives) As December rolls around Oliver spends it at Percy's, meeting the kids and hearing Percy tell him everything (His wife, his family and the war)

(I think this is part 5? Idk its 2am here) (Jan - May) They spend a lot of time together after Xmas and slowly Percy begins to heal a bit more after Audrey's death. Oliver ends up going back to the UK and Percy misses him. (July) Oliver comes back with news that he's transferred to an NY team "They might not be big on Quidditch here but they're extremely good, Perce" (Its not because Oliver has been inlove with Percy since Hogwarts. Neither is it because he loves Molly & Lucy to death either)

6 (Feb 2004) The UK Papers get a picture of Oliver, Percy the twins out and it BLOWS UP. Charlie (The only one who even heard Percy out back after the war ended, He knows the others did wrong by him) floos in and then warns Percy about everyone knowing he's here and that they're gonna be coming in 2 days. So He ends up having Charlie take the girls. He ends up meeting with his fam and it takes a long long time for them to heal and fix things.

7. His Fam only get to meet Molly and Lucy when they're 6. When they're 7 he and Oliver gets married. Idk why but i seem to only send you these fic ideas when im hella tired and at 2am. T_T Why am i like this? So Audrey named Molly and Perce named Lucy (After each others moms)

 Honestly, What can I say at this point? You have the whole story thought out. Go for it and write it!

It’s not the kind of story I write, though. But since you dropped the materials here, I can share how I would assemble it.

I would avoid New York. Big cities have a character. They are characters and you have to treat them as such. In Life skills, London is a character, complex and big and hard and beautiful. In Secret language of plants, even though Draco and Harry end up in London, I had them stay in the house because London was too big of a character for that stage of the story.

So, no New York. If I had to use a well-known city I would go with Boston, I think. Otherwise, a small one with a nice name.

Audrey doesn’t die on 9/11. Well, she dies on that day, but not on the attack. It’s something as simple and dull as a traffic accident. Percy wasn’t with her, not that it would have mattered. Yes, wizards have potions to mend bones instantly and protective charms and spells to stop the momentum, but Audrey died instantly, and no one could have seen the car until it was on her.

The driver was an old man, fumbling with that new invention, a mobile phone, trying to call his daughter who worked in New York.

Magic Law on the States is a bit… over the place. It would be extremely simple to put a curse or a hex that man. If Percy was clever about it, it wouldn’t be too illegal. But he doesn’t. Percy realizes it wouldn’t make him feel better.

 Percy doesn’t particularly like the States. The tea is terrible, the coffee is weak, the spelling is painful and people are entirely too talkative. But it’s sunnier than England and the orange juice is good, so he stays.

He goes to Romania every summer to visit Charlie. The girls love it there and it was always easy to talk to Charlie. Charlie who had such a promising career in Quidditch and rejected the fame and fortune for a thankless career working with dragons. Not even training dragons for bank security, which is a cool and profitable career, but fighting that very same use.

Charlie only goes back home for a week during Christmas, so he gets it. They don’t have to talk about it, never mention that weird state of loving your family and not wanting to be with them, to fight, to have to explain and justify your very existence and your life decisions.

He meets Oliver in Romania. Supposedly Oliver is there to see the sights and rest his left shoulder, that was injured at the end of the league. But he is not the first Quidditch player who has a crisis of faith and comes to Charlie with questions. So far, none of them had taken up dragon-protection, but one became a broomstick racer and another is the head coach of an Italian team.

Charlie only thinks about dragons. Oliver only thinks about Quidditch and is in the middle of an existential crisis. So it’s perfectible understandable that the topic of Percy, his war heroics and his semi mythical status is never brought up. To be fair, Charlie doesn’t know much about it because he doesn’t read English newspapers and his family never talks about Percy when he is around. Oliver just thinks that Percy is the first Competent Adult he has ever met and is much more interested about this Figuring Life Out than any hero status.

So it’s fair to say that the headlines come as a surprise.

Someone snapped a picture of Oliver and Percy sitting very close together in a park, with twin stupid loving smiles. It was all perfectly innocent. Molly was doing something cute out of frame and they never kept any physical distance between themselves, not even in Hogwarts. But it doesn’t matter. The picture is sold as proof of the mysterious war hero and the dashing sport star carrying a secret love affair. It’s a beautiful story, powerful. Percy is the tragic handsome hero and Oliver the right person to bring love back in his life after years nursing the wounds of war. Or perhaps Oliver is the sweet and honest good boy, the boyfriend every mother wants for her daughter, seduced by the man living a life of exotic and daring adventures.

Whatever it is, the world wants to believe in it. So much so that bloody Draco Malfoy pops up to warn them that there is a dozen of rabid, ruthless, paparazzies coming their way. He knows because Malfoy owns the most read magazine in England and has put a bounty on a photo of the two of them kissing.

Paparazzies don’t have a concept of trespassing, but breaking and entering into a dragon reserve has certain difficulties that can’t be bypassed with an alohomora and a lack of morals. Percy and Oliver spend the rest of the month in the reserve, not daring to go out. Twenty-two days in each other’s company, hiking in the mountains and playing with the girls. Molly and Lucy have decided that Oliver is similar to Charlie in all the right ways, so they like him.

On day nineteen, they kiss. Someone gets a picture of it, but, in his excitement, the photographer wanders into a nest of young dragon carps. He is recued three hours later sans pants or shoes. The photo of their first kiss is lost.

Oliver says he is almost done with his existential crisis but now Percy has one of his own.

You see, there is something Oliver hasn’t said. Something he didn’t mention at all. And Percy doesn’t know if Oliver just hasn’t noticed (it took him two years to realize all the Weasleys were siblings) or if he noticed but… doesn’t care?

There is more than one reason why only Charlie has met the girls.

Even now that Percy has received letters from every family member (including Freaking Aunt Muriel) and even a surprise visit from them (he has a life debt with Charlie for the heads-up) and they have begun the unpleasant work of fixing their relationship; even now, they haven’t met Molly and Lucy.

It’s because of the Weasley cousin they never talk about. The accountant.

Percy knows that it’s perfectly normal. Many wizarding children don’t exhibit any magic until they are at least seven. But he also knows that every single person in his family was levitating toys (Bill, Ron and Ginny) or stopping spilled milk in mid-air (him) or shooting sparks (Charlie and the twins) by the time they were three.

Molly and Lucy had done nothing magical so far. Nothing at all. And Percy knows, in his heart of hearts, that if anyone makes them feel inferior, if anyone dares to say anything against them, he will go the Dark Lord route and kill every single person prejudiced against squibs. He might kill every single wizard and witch and eradicate all magic, so his girls won’t feel inferior to anyone. He found in himself the strength to forgive the man than took Audrey’s life, but he won’t do the same for the person who speaks against his children. He can’t.

 On Christmas Percy reluctantly agrees to go to England with the girls because Charlie promises he will be there too. It is not easy. It is, in fact, very, very difficult and tense. He is forever grateful at Lee Jordan, who is glued to Fred’s hip cracking jokes and defusing tension. Also, Angelina Johnson takes George and Ginny to the kitchen and informs them they are the biggest idiots she has ever had the misfortune of meeting and that helps to avoid anyone saying something unforgivable they will regret their whole life. On Christmas’ Eve Harry Potter takes everyone’s wands because he is Harry Potter “and I do what I want” which means no one hexes anyone and they can overindulge the punch.

Oh, why bother? The whole thing is terrible and awkward and it hurts. But it is a necessary painful step, either to fix things with time or to say that he tried, actually tried, and never look back at this moment with regret.  

Also, he gets to meet with Oliver. It turns out that Oliver hadn’t noticed the girls’ lack of magic, but he also doesn’t care. Why would he care? Are you- are you supposed to care? Is this another thing Oliver missed because he only thinks about Quidditch? What’s wrong with not having magic in any case? Oliver’s mother is muggle and it is agreed that she is wonderful.  

(Even Potter says so. Percy has no idea of when Harry Potter met Oliver’s mum, but he speaks of her in the highest terms).

 You can read about what happened next on issues of 32, 33 & 34 of Alakazam as well as special issues 17, 21, 22 and 25. Draco Malfoy earns 1.5 million galleons with issue 33, setting a record for most successful print in wizarding history. Then he obliterates that record with a single stolen picture of Percy and Oliver’s wedding. He committed around a dozen crimes to get that picture, got drunk on champagne and victory and asked Harry Potter to marry him.

(He also donated all the money to a newly created society for the support and trade education of squibs, but only two people in the world know that).

[rebelliouslala]

Min Yoongi

creative writing is fucking KILLING you

so, on advice of your professor

you go to the frat boys poem cafe

like rly

a poem cafe?

it was stupid, but you really liked it

they also had bomb ass coffee

the boys that worked there were much more than you could describe as god like

and there were actually poems that they made

these boys made

even though they also did sports, like dance and tennis, one even doing soccer;

they were very creative

made you actually believe in men again lol

anyways you were sipping some rly dark coffee

like black as coal and the hells of tartarus dark coffee

when the curtains open, “and here, we have the poet, Agust D”

what a cute alias, but the man himself had to be the cutest

He had a round, well shaped nose, glowing skin, and shy eyes, however, he wore a leather jacket with rather vulgar patches on

your favorite was the one that said “a-g-u-std”

He sat down, and looks across his audience

“ice. cold as your heart.

heart? well I guess I once thought it was art.”

The man takes a rose out of his jacket, “well isn’t everything? Oh what is truly love?”

He plucks the petals and he scoffs with a smile, “I thought we fit each other like a glove

Laughing under the dim lights,

I swore each time I was near you, you gave me a high

As I was falling deeper for you,

Your mind had a different view,

You took part of my mind, less or some,

While you had your mouth around someone’s dick with a hum,

What the fuck am I to you?

I, alone and making excuses,

While you and other men were introducing,

I cannot stand it anymore,

What do you mean you’re hurt and sore?!

I am too! You’re not special- It’s over!”

The man, as he spoke had such raw emotion, his voice breaking, until it cracked on the first vowel on the last word he spoke. He pants heavily, before sitting down,

Slumping, shaking his head as he breaks the rose and toss it to the ground,

“Oh. . .you’re well?

I’m. . .let’s just say, I’ve been through hell.”

The curtains slowly close, and you can catch the glimpse of a tear falling from his eye

As snaps and your accidental claps fill the cafe, your mouth is ajar,

Holy

Shit

Holy shit

holy shit

holy sHIT

He was so good, his emotion in his voice, the rhyme, the story;

You had tears in your eyes

So, after he performed, he sat down, lighting a cigarette as you look at him in wonder

Some people pass, bowing as you sit across from him

You’re just desperate, so you just smile and wave

“Hi, my name is y/n,”

He looks over, his eyebrow raised, “uh, hi”

His voice was quiet, easily repaired from his emotional art

“Y-you were . .spectacular. I have never seen anything, or even HEARd anything like that, Agust”

He laughs a little and shrugs, “thanks”

“Can you teach me?”

He inhales more and hums, “what?”

“I am a creative writing major, and i’ve been really bad at poems. I. . .I need a tutor. I don’t have much money,”

“Suga.”

You look up, as he gently gives you a soft smirk. . . or smile

“Call me Suga”

So that was how you two met

u would meet him at his frat, and study in his office

It was small, more like a studio to create beats

You felt a little weird since it was always you and him

Nevertheless he was really good at creating things off the top of his head, and even gave you tips

He often even treated you out, letting you eat his secret stash of snacks

Once you even fell asleep while he was “lecturing” and woke up with a pillow underneath your head, and a blanket on you, and him sleeping on the couch, facing you

No doubt feelings arose when you saw him laugh

when he would have a small smile and enjoy a work of yours

nicely and expertly giving you criticism

sometimes he would send u memes

but he was especially the cutest because he would snore quietly in his sleep

that made ur everything go uwu

Soon came about the day came when you were out of creative power

it being exams week, the last one for the year, where you’re so mentally exhausted and you can’t even write

So yoongi is there, hugging you

He’s been clingy

Oh yeah did i mention maybe once did you sleep together

AS CUDDLES

disgusting mind

f i l t h y

Anyway so you’re almost in tears

While he’s half awake from all of his exams

“Suga?”

“mm?”

You gently feel his new mint hair

It’s something he just likes to do

another reason to wuv

“I dont have an idea for my free project”

“Mm. . .” he gently cuddles into you, “don’t you have the old journal your dad gave you?”

You gasp and you look down, before you can say more, say anything appreciative

You see him snore, and a tint of blush on his cheeks

Of course the signs were there

But you never saw them

He did care about you

With slight regret, you kiss the earring on his ear and whisper, “you’re the best, Suga~,”

The tint on his cheeks grows brighter, and you both huddle close as he whispers, “yoongi”

“huh??”

he only chuckles and gently holds you close like a stuffed animal, “you’re a very amazing writer, y/n, u little sweetheart~”

that is all he says before he visits dreamland, letting you flustered and stroking his hair

more lovingly than ever

[arlakos]

Why Season 3 was a Rollercoaster of a mess. (Spoilers!)

 Oh boy

Oooooooh boy where do I even begin

Lets start from the beginning i Suppose

When Miraculous Ladybug first came out i fell in love with the series. I thought the premise was nice, the characters ok and the story interesting. Well, to be fair I didnt expect much of the story due to being in its first season, but I loved it. The finale was meh (the last episode, not the mid-series Origins story, I watched it on Netflix). I liked the series. I loved the fandom. And i Couldn’t wait for season 2 at the time.

Then season 2 came out

As i started watching the first ep of season 2, it started out strong, answered a question i already knew, but then... it didn't go any further. See, when I expected season 2, I expected the story to be taken up a notch, the plot to become stronger, new and interesting characters to be introduced, and for someone to replace Hawkmoth as the antagonist (bc in my mind, he always felt like a season 1 antagonist to be replaced one season later by the actual main antagonist, and the mayura leaks did not help). 

But it never came. The story remained simple and eventually started to become bland. All episodes were all single-story eps with no correlation to each other other than the characters in them. Every single character in the show that wasnt Marinette had any sort of character growth, and I could take any one of the episodes out other than the first and last two and it wouldn't have any impact. Maybe not all of them, but some.

(This was the same time I learned that all episodes in the series were meant to always be single episode storylines. It was the same time I learned the the shows creator was also an ASS-truc, but thats a story for another day)

So for season 2, I ended up starting to find the show boring and lackluster. Most of the episodes were boring and unentertaining, and aside from a select few, such as the finale, the new hero eps and a few others, the entire season was boring to heck. 

Worse still, Marinette went from an ok nice girl (who was at times a bit of an arse) to a stalker asshole who was at times worse than Chloe. 

(Then again, the first episode of the entire series literally had Marinette have a planner used to track Adrien's every move, so what the hell do i know)

The fandom, however, was still amazing at the time, so I stuck around. The fanfics were amazing at the time and the fandom was still so kind-hearted

Luckily for me, Season 3 would manage to have some much better episodes.

But at what cost.

WHAT. COST.

See, while Season 3 was undoubtedly better that season 2 overall in episode quality, this season was probably also the worst of all 3 at the same time. This season was not only the worst in overall season quality but the one that entirely ruined the fandom for me. The plot was again non-existent and there was still no character development, but they manage to make this season better by making a plotline that required all characters to be an idiot ball, then ditch it at the end just so Thomas could again insult people on twitter.

Lets start with the first episode of Season 3: Chameleon

Sometime before the production of season 2 and 3, Asstruc learned how to write someone as a martyr people would feel pity for that character and want to protect (read: stan) them.

So naturally, Ass-truc would abuse this a lot.

In the first ep of season 3, Astruc would create the worst episode ever made. 

The premise of the episode is that Lila has returned to school and has been telling lies, which makes Marinette mad. None of the class believes her due to everyone being written as an idiot (seriously the someone gotta has google on their smartphones everyone has), so of course, Naturally Mari confronts Lila, who swears to ruin her life before and after an akuma battle which doesnt really matter for this episode, aside from the fact that Lila fully works with hawkmoth because being a bad kid means that working with a terrorist is perfectly reasonable if you can get revenge on the good guys.

So, including the fact Ass-truc reintroduced Lila back into the show as a Chloe 2.0 to making everyone an idiot ball so that the writing could even work, this will be the episode that I will hate the most. And not just for the episode itself. We’ll come to that later. But the point is, this is how most of the season would go:

-Lila: *exists*

-Marinette: *cries* im suffering so much, my life is ruined!

-Fans: stan to the point of insanity

-Me sipping my salt flavored tea: b*tch calm the f*ck down.

Speaking of Marinette, the Miraculous team had already been hellbent on making Marinette more of an asshole, stalkery and creepy and passing it off as cute in season 2, so they decided to fix that by dialing all that shit up to 11. Episodes like Weredad and Oni-chan really showed this, with the former having Marinette Literally manipulating Chat Noir to be stuck in a bad situation just for her own sake, and latter literally having her try to break into Adriens house because Lila is there. All for the excuse that Lila is a Liar and totally not because she is with Adrien, Marinette cant be jealous because Marinetteisperfectandamazingand-

Yeah, she really sucks as the main character. TBH I'm waiting for the spinoff show where Alix and Kim dare each other to do stupid stuff each episode like its MTV’s Jackass, it's gonna be fun.

Now onto the Other episodes!

While I will admit that compared to season 2, there were a lot of good episodes. Gamer 2.0, Feast, Ikari Gozen, Party Crasher, and of course the heart-wrenching Oblivio come to mind. These episodes are amazing and show how good the episodes are when you make sure the garden gnome is locked in a closet somewhere during episode development.

So out of the 26 episodes, 5 of them were really good.

The rest were either kinda ok or complete shit. That's not to say they were all bad, but there were just some parts... at best there was either a part of it I found cringeworthy too much for me to consider it as one of the good ones, such as Pupetteer 2 with its Adrien Statue scene, or at worst all of it was just written so badly, such as the entirety of Stormy Weather not actually being an episode and acutally being just and episode recap.

Now for the plot. Oh, wait, what plot?

First of all, Miraculous never had one. At best it was just a bunch of single-episode stories that Ass-truc wants you to think are connected somehow and somehow all work together as a cohesive story. A lot of the characters in Miraculous Ladybug

You mean the overarching storyline where Marinette becomes a Guardian just because she can pick a hero? Yeah, just ignore the episode where Fu said he had to spend an entire childhood learning how to even be an apprentice Guardian, or ignore the fact that picking a person to be a hero doesn't make Marinette qualified to be Guardian in a slightest!

(If someone literally has to ask me this, ask yourself if a pharmacist is fit to be a doctor just because they hand out your meds.)

What about the storylines about other certain characters in the show like Lila, who the show has been building up to be a villain while casually destroying characters' intelligence to be able to do so? The story about Chloe accepting that she can’t really be a hero anymore and moving on?

Ruined by the Finale.

Oh yeah, the finale.

This season Finale was probably the worst finale out of all the seasons and half the stuff done in the last two episodes did not make sense. I dont want to talk about it much because I want to do a blog post about it later on, but for the sake of the finale, they ruined a bunch of characters, martyred Marinette for the 100th time, and created some stupid plot ideas for the sake of coolness. And by coolness i mean stanning Marinette again and making her extra special. Doesnt matter if it makes a contradiction or makes no sense. Stupidity has won this episode!

To be fair though, all the reasons above aren’t the reasons I hate this season. 

No.

The reason for season 3 being the worst for me is how it had ruined the fandom.

Ever since the first episode of season 3, the fandom has become a cesspool of salt and anger. Character bashing because the class didn't straight up agree with Marinette instantly, Over the top Marinette stanning, fanfics that go over the top crazy, it has gone insane. On ao3 most fanfics of ML that i have seen have been about ‘Chameleon Fix-Its’ where Lila is metaphorically shot with a GAT, ‘Marinette protection Squads’ which basically involve her moving schools because Lila exists, and the Maribat ship that has made my head dent my desk (seriously where the fuck did it come from?!). Worst still, as a result of Season 3, the Adrien hate has started to go crazy as a result of the Chameleon episode and similar eps resulting in Marinette being shipped with Luka (aka the better Adrien as stated by Marinette stans), Felix before the Felix episode dropped, and even Damien Wayne in the Notorious Maribat ship (no seriously where did it come from i want answers!). To put it simple, thanks to Ass-truc all of ao3 is filled with salt fics and no more original and interesting stories.

BTW while i have your attention and am talking about good Miraculous stories on ao3, go read Miraculous Tales by JED1 on AO3 its soo damn good.

To be fair, I myself am angry at the episode, but only because everyone was written to be an idiot ball for the episode to work, and because of the fact Astruc used the episode to rile up the fandom to be almost as toxic as him.

If anything, its the number one reasons why i hate seasons 3 and the reason why it has ruined the fandom for me.

And that, overall, is why i think Season 3 was a Rollercoaster of a mess.

[hyunsracha]

path of night — seo changbin

word count: 2.4k

summary: changbin thinks you’re really great.

it’s 2018. witches are … Okay.

like ppl aren’t KILLING them anymore but a lot of people don’t even believe in them and like witches don’t go around Telling people they’re witches

but ppl wear them as halloween costumes and the real witches just have to :)

speaking of witches … seo changbin!

he’s only half witch but shhhhh

his mother is a human, but she studied witches so obviously when his dad was like “uhh yo i'm a warlock ?? lol” she was like “ok yea.”

and they fell in love and had a changbin!

they live in a big ass victorian house on the edge of town, which basically screams, “we’re the only family of witches in this town! look at our big, spooky house!”

changbin doesn’t understand why they didn’t just get a fuckin house in the suburbs

his familiar is a raven named Prince of Darkness (he was like 14 ok he was going through his emo phase) and they're bros

sometimes Prince just shows up and caws and changbin caws back and it’s cute !

changbin’s mortal best friend, chris, thinks it’s fucking weird

“u have a pet raven.”

“yeah.”

“why?”

“like raven.”

“freak.”

so when changbin was 16, he had to choose between his mortal and his witch side.

and obviously he chose the witch side

why tf would he give up such epic powers?

the downside though … was that he had to leave

since he decided to go down the Path of Night, he would move to salem and go to the largest division of the academy for witches

and he Thought about telling chris that he was moving to an Elite Boarding School For Smart People but chris would not believe that .. so it was time to fess up

“hey so uh ….. i may or may not be a warlock”

“a who”

“u know . like sabrina the teenage witch . but …. changbin”

“OH ???? IS THAT HOW U PASSED BIOLOGY???”

“i mean yeah but u DONT HAVE TO SAY IT OUT LOUD!!”

so with that loose end tied up, changbin packed his shit (and his bird) and moved to salem !!!!

there, he meets minho, a year older, and hyunjin, in the same year (i'll do ages as i want thank u very much) and they all become bros !!!

ur only allowed to bring One familiar to school . and minho has Three . so his familiar is ……………. all three of his cats

he put on a spell on them so they all just became one cat but it’s completely reversible !! when he goes back to his room he frees his kitties from their kitty cell

“minho wtf do u mean that’s Three cats there’s only one.”

“OH YEAH?? OK! *mf does reversal spell*” *three cats appear* *they start running all over the common area* “FUCK!!!!”

and hyunjin’s is a lil pup named kkami

“kkami is an ugly name for a familiar”

“UR BIRDS NAME IS PRINCE OF DARKNESS?? SHUT THE FUCK UP??”

changbin does Okay in school . he does better than he did in Mortal School

“wtf do u mean we still have to learn algebra”

“we still need witch accountants, mr. seo.”

“i still need a Will To Live, mrs. kim.”

changbin liked to keep quiet about his family.

he knew that “half-breeds” got made fun of a lot, and were treated as lesser witches, so he just kept his mouth shut and avoided family talk.

it took about a year for his secret to get out.

he was sitting in the dining hall with hyunjin and minho Minding His Own Goddamn Business when a mr Jaebum walks in

jaebum was a few years older than minho; he would be graduating soon

he slid into the seat across from changbin, sending him a sinister little smile,

“hello, half-breed.”

the dining hall went silent.

changbin froze.

“i don’t know who the FUCK you think you’re talking to-”

“it’s okay, min. he’s right.”

minho and hyunjin: JFSGJBDB;L?

of course, that didn’t Change anything

changbin was their FRIEND

and he was a good warlock so ??? who fuckin cares

jaebum, apparently

changbin stared down at his tray, tears blurring his vision

he’s sensitive :(

minho saw his eyes watering and almost fucking HEXED JAEBUM

hyunjin held his hand under the table what a good boy

jaebum didn’t stop there, though

“you should go back to your mortal school and learn your stupid mortal things you useless-”

“what the fuck did he even do to you? why do you care?” omg minho u legend

“he’s not like the rest of us. he doesn’t deserve to go here.”

“hey jaebum have you ever tried shutting your fucking mouth?” a new voice spoke

everyone turned to face this new voice

oh look! it’s you! with ur lil entourage (it’s literally 2 ppl) behind u

“excuse me?” jaebum stood. he wasn’t the tallest guy, but he could be Quite Intimidating. u didn’t back down though.

“you heard me. you might want to watch your tone, though.”

“oh yeah? and why would i do that?”

“you shouldn’t speak to a l/n like that. who knows what would happen if my father found out.”

another hush fell over the dining hall.

everyone knows the l/n family. they have to, the l/ns are only one of the most powerful witch families in the whole World.

your father was on the Witch’s Council, along with the fathers of your two friends behind you, seungmin and jisung

the three of you grew up in salem and were homeschooled by seungmin’s mom, so the three of u have been best friends for ur whole lives

and the three of u turned 16 this year so !! here u were

today was ur first day, and when u walked into the dining all, u saw jaebum teasing a poor kid

and that doesn’t fly with u

the three of u put ur trays on the table when jaebum leaves

“tell me if he gives you a hard time again, yeah?”

changbin is??? JSKLGJS???

A L/N?? JUST STOOD UP FOR HIM??

minho, changbin, and hyunjin all look like :0 and you, seungmin, and jisung are just staring back like :]

and that’s how ur lil squad forms !!!

u, jisung, and seungmin are the youngest so u don’t have classes with them, but it’s fine !

lunch exists for a Reason

“for eating.”

“shut up, jisung.”

but you guys spent all your free time together ! and u guys really clicked !

its like u were destined to be friends (◕‿◕) it was written in the stars (◕‿◕)

but out of your three new friends, you were closest to changbin

maybe it was bc you stood up for him on the first day, but there was just Something Different about him, yk?

sometimes the two of you would sneak off campus at night to go watch the stars in the woods

u guys would cast dumb little spells at each other

one time u turned him into a goat ON ACCIDENT but he was

So mad.

so he turned u into a chicken and it was.

a fun night!

your familiar was a bat, so she would go and fly away with prince and i’m sure they had a good time

you just felt so? nice with changbin

you could talk about anything and everything for hours on end and never get bored

little did u know, changbin felt the same way!

but he came to the conclusion faster than u did:

“oh man i think i like y/n.”

“i know.” hyunjin said from the bottom bunk.

those two were roommates. yes it’s just as chaotic as it sounds.

“WH- WHAT DO U MEAN U KNOW?”

“bro its so obvious? y/n breathes and ur like omo look how cute!”

“i don't say omo.”

“omo!”

“ur literally useless.”

“AM NOT.” hyunjin sat up, “I could help you two get together.”

“hell no.”

“omg we’re all going to hell so i’m taking that as a yes! see u later, binnie!”

“WHERE ARE U - ok he’s gone”

hyunjin ran over to ur dorm, Aggressively knocking on the door.

“hyunjin ur gonna make ur knuckles bleed if u do that any harder.”

“SEUNGMIN ! THE LOVE OF MY LIFE !”

“W-W-W-yes?”

(seungmin is kind of in love with hyunjin but honestly who isn’t)

“i’m looking for y/n.”

“you found them.” you said from behind hyunjin, making him nearly Jump Out Of His Skin.

he dragged you away from your dorm, leaving a very confused seungmin in the doorway.

“this is super important sneaky sneak business, okay?” hyunjin sat you down at a table in the library. he sat across from you, taking your hands in his.

“you’re being weirder than usually, hyunjin.”

“i need you to be honest with me,” he stared down into your eyes, using that glare he used when jaebeom was Anywhere near you guys.

“are you trying to cast a spell on me right now, hwang?” you glared back, pulling your hands away.

“N-No!”

“YOU WERE TRYING TO DO THE TRUTH SPELL!”

“THIS IS A LIBRARY BE QUIET!”

“Fine. Why are you trying to put the truth spell on me?”

“do you like changbin?”

“of course i do, we’re friends-”

“no, y/n, you dumb bitch,” hyunjin sighed, pressing his palms against the table, “like. do you Like Like him?”

you furrowed your brow, wondering why the Hell he would ask you something like that.

i mean … you had never thought about changbin like that …

and it wouldn’t be Terrible to date him …

he was funny … and nice … and a good warlock …. and cute …….. and you’ve held his hand before ……….. that was nice ……………… and maybe you’ve thought about kissing him but Only once or twice !!!

oh man

“oh man. i think i like changbin.”

“oh thank fucking god, it would’ve been really awkward if you didn’t.”

“HUH???”

“i have 2 go.”

and hyunjin left you. very confused. in the library.

so hyunjin NYOOMS back to his dorm

yk how he does with his long ass legs

“hello tiny roommate.”

“absolutely go fuck yourself.”

“ok….well i have tea…...and i guess ur not getting it…..”

“hyunjin you fucking local its 2019 why are u still saying that.”

hyunjin pouted, “so u DONT wanna know that y/n likes u back??? ok FUCK u then!!” he climbed into his bed.

wait for it…..

“oh fuck.”

“Y/N LIKES ME????? HUH???? HWANG HYUNJIN!!!!!!”

“oh my god ur so loud JUST. confess or sumn u big idiot.”

hyunjin be like [ napping noises ]

changbin be like [ PANICKED NOISES ]

how is he supposed to just CONFESS??? that's not EASY

hyunjin thinks its easy bc he’s never confessed to Anyone

everyone confesses to Him

its scawy :(

but changbin Is Not A Coward

(yes he is)

the next day at lunch, changbin is …. Off

“hey binnie!” u put ur tray down next to him and send him a Big Big smile

the butterflies in his tummy go HFJSKGGJ and he goes “hey!” but his voice cracks

he flushes a bright cherry red and u think he's the CUTEST BOY EVER

but he keeps squeaking and blushing and can't exactly look u in the eye :(

how is he supposed to when he knows that U Like Him !!!! u like him !!!!!

he’s in his last class of the day (algebra - gag) when he thinks of an idea

and it’s a good one too !!!!

“that’s the worst idea i’ve ever heard.”

“shut up seungmin if hyunjin did that for u u’d literally cry.”

“WH - I - get out of my room.”

u get a text from changbin that says “meet me in the common room!! it’s importante (that’s spanish for important)!! ^.^”

his little emoticon u go <3____<3

so u text back “okie!!” and get ready to go to the common room

it was like . 11pm . but u didn't really think about that

u and changbin hang out a lot at that time so !

the common room was Empty when u got there

“Hello??? binnie???”

no response

u cast a lil spell to make a light appear on the tip of ur finger (u literally could’ve just . Turned on the lights . but this is more fun) and sit by the big statue of Satan himself and Wait.

ur only waiting for like 30 seconds when u hear It

singing???

hello???

u instantly recognized the song bc U Loved The Song

it was zion.t’s no make up and u went [ caveman spongebob ]

WHO IS SINGING

WHY ARE THEY SINGING

the light on ur finger went out as you clenched your fist, looking around for the source of the voice

the lights in the common room came on; dimly, but still on.

and rose petals started to fall from the ceiling

this was weird

pretty! and u were kind of on the verge of tears! but pretty!

and then u saw him

Seo Changbin.

why is seo changbin singing to u

since when can changbin Sing like that???

“changbin-”

“SHHSHSHSHHSH let me talk before i lose my confidence!!!

so…..you’re…..really great.”

“thanks.”

“I SAID LET ME TALK. you’re really great. really Really great. and i think …. i think we get along really well. like……..we’re bros, right? wait- bros probably isn’t the best word for this- oh my god.”

“changbin...are you...trying to say something?”

“i like you !!! and i know you like me back-”

“HUH”

“hyunjin has a big mouth.”

“oh my god.”

“yeah.”

there was silence for a moment.

what are you supposed to do now?

you were happy.

u were fricking Ecstatic!!! changbin liked u back!!!!

u were gonna kill hyunjin but!!! yippee!!!

“so do i just….are we- are we a thing now?” changbin broke the silence

“oh!” you stood from your spot on the floor, “y-yeah!”

“ok sick …. so i can do this now-” he made his way towards you, grabbing you by the waist and pressing his lips against yours.

his other hand came up to hold your face, and you were glad that he was holding your waist so tightly or you might’ve fallen down, your knees were so weak.

since when can changbin Kiss like that

“i-in front of satan and everybody, huh…” you giggled after he pulled away.

“satan’s fine. i’m sure he loves a good teen romance.”

“you’re an idiot, seo changbin.”

“but i’m your idiot :DDD”

and your first order of business as a couple : Operation Seungjin.

[jewpacabruhs]

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020! 

[a-merman-not-a-guppy]

It will be alright, alright, alright | Carrotflakes

Finn reaches out to Nemo and Tae after an argument with Ariel. The conversation sort of devolves from there. Talk of prom, goats, etc. Group chats man.

@justkeepdancing-nemo​ @moon-yeongtae​

Finn: hi Nemo! hi Tae! I hope it's not weird to put us all together in a chat like this.

Finn: it might be weird Nemo: course its not weird ahah we've group chatted before :heart: Finn: :heart: Finn: I want to ask you guys Finn: well I want to talk Nemo: yeah? whats up!

Finn: i got in a fight with Ariel? Finn: i mean not physically Finn: though she did. got in a physical fight Finn: with ASHLEY A! Nemo: ohhhhh yeah i heard Nemo: at mei's party right??? Nemo: but wait why did u fight ariel then Finn: everyone's heard. Finn: well she just Finn: she's just so Finn: reckless? i mean she told me not to panic Finn: and I know I panic a lot okay. but whenever she says that I swear my heart rate picks up ten times because I know something's happened Finn: and that she's gonna be super casual about it and laugh about it while I have my tenth heart attack of the year Nemo: oh i see Nemo: she's not taking your worry seriously, thats why? Finn: I guess? I mean she never does really. Which I get kind of. Finn: I worry about everything. I know that. Finn: but the ashleys are really awful and I'll cry if they do something awful to her. Finn: I mean it's one thing if it's me, I mean I get it and I'm used to it. but she's my best friend Nemo: :/ ok well she should take your worries seriously Nemo: i get why you'd be upset over that Nemo: and the ashleys arent a joke! they seriously messed with robbie for months under everyone's noses Finn: I've never fought with her before! But this is so... Finn: god and Robbie! Finn: she talked about how you and Robbie were in the burn book too and were 'doing okay' and acting like none of what the Ashleys do is a big deal. Finn: I reminded her of what they did to me and she said it was more reason to stand up and fight them! Finn: I wouldn't ask anyone to do that! Nemo: i mean i think it is important to stand up... i dunno about fight... Nemo: i just mean that we cant let the ashleys rule our lives but yeah purposefully antagonizing them is bad haha why sneak into a falcon's nest you know! Finn: they've ruled my life for years so I guess it's hard for me to even think about that. Finn: i don't want them antagonized and doing awful things to you or to robbie or to ariel. Nemo: :/ Nemo: i mean i get where ariel is coming from Nemo: and you too Nemo: is she really planning to...uh...fight more? what would that even mean? didnt she like punch ashley a or something Finn: I don't know. I think so? Finn: she didn't give me details which made me a little more suspicious but after I reminded her about what the ashleys did she said Finn: ' Youre only giving me more reasons to stand up to them and not let them get away with all of that' Finn: and Finn: 'I cant just stand by anymore and im sorry if that makes you upset and that i didnt do something sooner' Finn: i'd rather be homeschooled again than be the excuse to pick more fights Nemo: aw jingles i hope she isnt gonna involve you Nemo [deleted]: i already feel like i made you a target as it is D: sdlfkajs Nemo: maybe give it a day?? she could calm down! maybe it wont seem so important anymore Nemo: to her, i mean Finn: I asked her not to but there's really no telling with her sometimes. Finn: she really makes rash decisions! Finn: i hope she will but I don't think so. And now we're not talking so I don't know what I'm gonna do Finn: besides maybe idk Finn: do you think Tae would make sure Ariel stays safe? I could make cookies Nemo: course he would but Nemo: ...i dunno if ariel would uh, like that Nemo: i dont know much about her but from everything you're telling me i mean Nemo: though maybe she could eat lunch with us if that would make you feel better! Nemo: except ur fighting Nemo: well after you make up! Nemo: though maybe having three burn book victims in one place is a bad call.... Nemo: hm Nemo: hold on let me think ahah Finn: I just want her to be safe. But I guess you're probably right. she'd hate it Finn: and I feel stupid for not being able to do anything to keep her safe either Nemo: well no matter what we would ALL be there for her if she needs it Finn: I'm so lucky to know you guys. Nemo: im so lucky i know you finn :heart: Nemo: im sorry there's more ashley drama ugh Nemo: if i could go back to new years eve and do it all over again i really would Finn: there's always drama with the ashleys. Finn: next year they're gone though from school! and then it'll be fine! it'll be good. Finn: but I wouldn't change New Years Eve. I did something I'd never do otherwise and I had a lot of fun with my friends before everything Finn: Ashley A can...she can....ugh I can't insult her yet not even like this Finn: but you know what I probably mean Nemo: i can Nemo: she's a wartface who can choke on tree fungus Nemo: and ashleigh q is a literal monster who needs to be exorcised from the planet Finn: I can't believe I giggled at that. Finn: that's a very unique insult Nemo: ii got plenty more where that came from! Nemo: but i  will keep them to myself and this group chat!

Finn: hahaha that's probably smart. No need to cause more fights. Nemo: all i wanna do iis get through school without getting grounded again im really trying not to get into trouble lol Finn: a good goal to have too. Finn: it'll be fine. We've all got each other. It should be. Yeah. Nemo: yeah! Tae: I CANT BELIEVE I WAS WORKING Tae: ARIEL FOUGHT ASHLEY A? Nemo: omg u didnt hear yet?? Tae: no I was in Jun's all work and no play orbit Nemo: lol did he take ur phone again Tae: yes next time I'm gonna axe murder him Tae: THE POINT IS THAT ARIEL KICKED ASHLEYS ASS YAAAAAAAAY Tae: sorry I hate her Nemo: join the club aha Tae: I can't believe he took my phone at such a critical time I'm gonna point to this as an example that u cant just take a teens phone bc their friends might need them Nemo: well the fight happened like a day ago Tae: does he have to know that? Tae: no Nemo: i dont think this is a very convincing argument anyway tae yah Nemo: say someone was dying Tae: right yes also I'm really sorry finn Tae: I'll protect ariel Tae: if I can Nemo: just dont get in trouble yourself Nemo: can we all try not to get in trouble??? Nemo: we gotta go to prom in a couple of months ago we need CLEAN RECORDS Tae: sometimes trouble just finds u neems did John mcclane ask for trouble Nemo: (prom is real right thats not just in movies..........) Tae: prom is a real (stupid) thing yes Nemo: tae yah u r going to prom Nemo: sorry not sorry Tae: I dont have a suit and we are poor I cant go Nemo: i dont have a suit and im even more poor and im still gonna go Nemo: i bet you can wear jun's suit Tae: jun is an oddly proportioned dorito Nemo: and you're not??? Finn: pfft Finn: I'm not going to prom Tae: I am a beefcake with angelic proportions thank you very much Finn: oh god Finn: no Finn: i mean respectfully Finn: no Tae: wow rude

Nemo: what!!! finnyyy you gotta Nemo: we'll all go together Finn: please no Nemo: D: Nemo: but why not? Nemo: its not an ashley party, its school sanctioned Nemo: there will be chaperones right? Finn: yeah but they'll be there Finn: they have to to get their devil horns Finn: i mean crown Nemo: but there will be grown ups! Nemo: also lol Tae: we could carrie them Nemo: no Finn: isn't that the scary thing with blood?

Nemo: we'll just mind our own business ok Tae: :))))))))) Nemo: we'll dance and eat food and look fit in our suits and be home before 10 because thats my curfew it will be so lame and fun! Finn: alternative plan: we could not go and have an anti prom hang out Nemo: but i wanna go to prom :/ Finn: oh. that's not fair Nemo Finn: i can picture your sad face Nemo: :(((((((((((((((((((((((((( Tae: you cant go with us anyway nemo u have to go with rooooooobbbbbbieeeeeee Finn: NEMOOOOO DDDD= Finn: that's true too Tae: finn do u wanna be my date? I'll fight everyone for u Nemo: i wanna go with YOU LOT TOO Nemo: c'mon Nemo: i wanna do the big group thing Finn: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Nemo: we have to go to prom at least once Finn: remember the last party we went to? Finn: it can't be that soon to be forgotten Nemo: if not this year then next year when the ashleys arent at school??? Tae: I cant believe I just put my WHOLE HEART ON THE LINE and finn ignored me ya_bae_nemo [this is a snapchat]: 

Finn: WAIT I'M SORRY Finn: TAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Finn: dgpsodjpgojgspdgjdsg Nemo: i meani really wont make you guys go if you dont want Finn: if i were a prom person i would definitely go with you tae of course Finn: wait Finn: why do i have to feel GUILTY Finn: meanies Tae: nemo I'm asking for a date shut ur mouth Nemo: sorry i just realized i was doing the same thing i did at new years!! Nemo: im the worst lol Finn: omg NO Finn: no you're NOT Nemo: nevermind nevermind we'll do anti prom this year that sounds fun too Finn: stooooop it right there Nemo: seriously you're right anti prom could be cool Finn: Nemo Nemo: i mean it! Finn: Nemo: i could go to prom prom next year! Finn: 

Finn: stop Nemo: WHAT Finn: ugh i don't wanna fight with more than one friend today and Finn: who's to say prom wouldn't be fun if Finn: and ONLY IF Finn: Mr. Hot Date over there doesn't leave for another hot date ever Finn: during the time of this Nemo: we arent fighting Finn: it feels like we could and i don't wanna make you sad Tae: I'll stay by your side the whole time Finn: wow Nemo: no im not sad at all Nemo: you arent making me sad Finn: you sure? Tae: only bc u called me hot ;) Nemo: its too early to be talking about it anyway!! who knows maybe robbie will dump me and i'll be too depressed to go to prom lol Finn: omg. you're both going to kill me Finn: here lies Finn Finn: rip Finn: and if Robbie ever dumps you Finn: he'd be the BIGGEST IDIOT ON THE PLANET Tae: nemo u r literally so dramatic ok robbie is so far up ur ass hes like coming out ur throat Finn: that's gross tae Nemo: im just saying its literally three months away Tae: WHERE IS THE LIE FINN Finn: too vivid a mental picture Tae: what's our color scheme picasso Nemo: the theme hasnt even been announced Nemo: u cant decide that yet tae yah c'mon even i know that Finn: can i make our clothes? Tae: oh hell yes you can Finn: :heart:

Tae: also nemo u can always decide first if ur not a coward cmon Nemo: i think the theme makes it fun Tae: ok fine ur right bc I could be something cool like die hard then I could wear a tank top and no shoes Nemo: id just go shirtless Finn: nooooooo Nemo: rub myself up in blood and oil Tae: hahahaha Finn: sounds like the most terrifying form of prom Nemo: its HOT Finn: blood and oil? Finn: gross Tae: yeah Finn it's for the aesthetic Nemo: its so i can take out the germans Finn: ...... Finn: what Tae: have you never seen die hard either Finn: no? Nemo: omg you dont know my husband john mcclane!!! Tae: do I have to do all the work around here Finn: i guess so Finn: you've never invited me for a movie night this isn't my fault DDD= Tae: nemo we have to make him watch die hard with us Nemo: duh! Finn: is it a scary movie? Nemo: yes Nemo: but cool Tae: no Finn: .... Nemo: there's guns and stuff Nemo: and death Finn: ahhh intense Tae: yeah and a really ineffectual police department Nemo: people die hard lolol Tae: I learned that word today Tae: ineffectual Nemo: i dont even know what that means Nemo: tae yah dont get smarter than me Nemo: its not fair lol Tae: good because I probably used it wrong LMFAO Finn: no Finn: you did fine! Finn: :smile: Nemo: see finn is already smarter than me Tae: jun bought me a word of the day calendar bc I called myself a dumbass last week Finn: wahhhhh Nemo: ahhahaha Tae: so maybe I wont sound like a dumbass while still secretly being the biggest dumbass ever Finn: you are NOT Tae: UNDERCOVER DUMBASS HAHAJAHA Finn: D= Nemo: i'll still sound like a dumbass Finn: DD= Nemo: hopefully i'll be cute enough to make up for it Finn: you guys are making me sadddddddd Nemo: :kissing_heart: Tae: nemo ur the cutest it's ok tell him hes cute finn Nemo: im kidding finn i mean im not super smart or anything but im a fairy so who cares Finn: you're smart and funny and kind and cute? Nemo: oh jingles Nemo: i really wasnt trying Nemo: i didnt mean i mean i really was kidding !! Tae: yeah and I wanna be a cop and if you've seen any movies you dont have to be smart to do that either Nemo: now im blushing Finn: my friends are great! i just wanna hug you guys when you say stuff like that about yourself Finn: and we can talk about pots and kettles but i won't hear it Finn: today at least Nemo: also thats tru tae yah all cops are terrible except for hopefully one day u Nemo: well finny you ARE also smart and funny and kind and cute too Nemo: and kind of a bad ass wow Nemo: i promise i wont call myself a dumbass anymore Finn: i'll try to believe everything but the badass part lol Finn: but good :heart: Finn: YOU TOO TAE Tae: I promise I wont call myself a dumbass out loud anymore Tae: lmfao sorry Finn: -.- Finn: fine i guess Finn: sorry. i just really love you guys a lot Nemo: i love you too :slight_smile: Nemo: tae is just okay :slight_smile: Tae: that's me ok tae Nemo: what we call it Nemo: u Nemo: tae just ok moon Nemo: wow saying it like that was weird Tae: lmfao Finn: tae a great friend moon Finn: moon great friend yeongtae Tae: yeah I hate it too just put moon first white people it's not hard Nemo: omg ok is in tokki Nemo: tOKKi Finn: people should figure out how to say names right though Nemo: mine isnt actually hard im lucky Nemo: people butcher my appa's its awful Tae: tae is easy it's like Taylor's swift Finn: I think they'd butcher mine Nemo: Taelor Swift. Finn: but only my mom and aunt called me it anyway Nemo: tae yah thanks for giving me so many great nicknames for u Finn: taelor swift is good lol Nemo: wait finny u never told me your birth name? Tae: if u call me taelor swift i might kill everyone Nemo: i didnt realize you had one Finn: yeah I don't go by it so most people wouldn't xP Finn: dad said it was 'too hard' to say Finn: and they named me Finn Nemo: yeah i get it i dont go by nammin either Tae: i'm gonna pull a power move and use my goat's name Nemo: omg dont Nemo: tae yahasdfja Finn: isn't the goat just Finn: no wait never mind Nemo: dont get him started Tae: MY GOAT HAS A BEAUTIFUL NAME NEMO Nemo: i know that tae yah Tae: i'll just walk into class one day and pronounce myself Hanuelbyeolimgureumhaennimbodasarangseurouri Nemo: theeeeeeeeeere it is Finn: my eyes Finn: what am i trying to read Nemo: ha nuel byeol im gureum hae nnim bo dae sarang seurouri does that help Finn: i wish it did Tae: HAHAHA it's basically the most genius sibling win ever Tae: i named my goat something that basically means more lovely than the sun sky and stars which are, coincidentally, my sister's names HAHAHAHA Tae: it is my legac Finn: oh my god. i'm a lot slower on trying to read hangul and I got some of it Nemo: it IS pretty hilarious Finn: but not all Finn: wow Nemo: and the goat IS pretty sexy Tae: the sexiest goat Nemo: i want her to call me oppa Tae: HAHAHAHAHA Nemo: >) Finn: oh my god Finn: so is this gonna be Finn: 

Finn: not judging Finn: lol Nemo: whoa is that a movie about a romance between four men and a goat Nemo: humans are wild Finn: i honestly don't know. I just know this movie exists Tae: that's one i've actually never seen so i can't help Nemo: im gonna believe its a romance between four men and a goat Finn: should we find out? watch die hard and then Finn: a goat movie Nemo: i will watch anything so sure!! Tae: that's true he is a slut for movies Nemo: hey Tae: um i've seen more than u so Tae: i'm the biggest movie slut around Nemo [deleted]: well u werent called a whore so Nemo: lol true Finn: we could do a movie night at my place? Finn: or yours if you want Tae buttttt Tae: no yours is fine Nemo: if its yours i can play with pannieeeee Finn: i was about to brag and show a picture again Finn: i guess i don't have to Finn: xP Nemo: were u gonna show a picture of pannie!!! Nemo: you read my mind!!1 Finn: i mean Pannie is a treasure! i will definitely cuddle him for all scary things! Nemo: guess that means i gotta cuddle tae yah Nemo: sorry tae yah ur stuck with me Finn: guess so. we could both cuddle pannie too, i could share i guess Finn: check this out Finn: 

Tae: HIS SHIRT Nemo: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Finn: he gets to be stylish with me Nemo: U DID NOT Nemo: did u make that! Finn: of course! Tae: there is no way nemo will cuddle me now look at him Finn: well if nemo desperately wants to cuddle pannie i gueeeeess i could cuddle you tae if you're sad Tae: it's okay i'm a big strong man who doesn't need cuddles lmfao Neems: I CANT BELIEVE U MADE THAT Finn: oh. so you don't want to cuddle me? D= Finn: so very sad Finn: nemo cuddle me with pannie Neems: i will cuddle anyone who needs it tae yah knows im a big rotten coward Neems: HE LOOKS LIKE A GENTLEMAN Neems: sorry im still not over it Finn: =DDD Neems: u should make him a little tie :((( id cry Finn: ooooo that's a good idea Finn: i'll make him a black tie so he can feel fancy Finn: or black bow tie? Neems: both! Neems: one for the office one for special occasions duh Tae: tie the tie around his head so he looks like a karate master Finn: i think he'd just chew that off Finn: but i like the creativity Tae: thank u i'll be here my whole life Neems: tae the tie master moon Tae: omg that sound cooler than taelor swift i'll take it Finn: a bit wordy though. TTTMM Tae: just call me tm Tae: traDEMARK BITCHESSSSSS Finn: hahaha

[katecarteir]

"It's okay to cry" - Reddie. I need some Reddie fluff please. :)

Pairing: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier

Rating: General 

A quiet Richie was a bad Richie. A very, very bad Richie. The Losers could often have complaints on Richie’s noise, his constant babblings and dirty words. Eddie could be the first- or maybe the second, under Stan- to express how much he hated most things that Richie had to say. The dirty flirting, the your mom jokes, the terrible nicknames. 

When Richie got quiet, though, Eddie got anxious. A quiet Richie was too lost in his own head, a quiet Richie could only mean that bad things had happened. Eddie had been trying to get it out of Richie all day, from the very second Richie had shown up to school wearing his glasses. Getting contacts had been a consolation prize from Wentworth when Richie had been forced to get braces in their freshman year. Come the near ending of senior year, Richie’s braces were long gone but the glasses only ever made appearances on Richie’s face when he was sick or he was sad. 

“Come over after school,” Eddie said as Richie moved to walk away as the school day came to an end. He watched Richie bite down on his bottom lip. In the past few weeks, Richie had gotten more and more experienced in avoiding the Losers Club without looking as though he was doing it. Always an excuse, something just reasonable enough that it would be believed and accepted but not a strong enough one that anybody would grow concerned about them.  Nobody except Eddie Kaspbrak, it seemed, who has always had the ability to see right through Richie’s bullshit.

“Ah, Eds, mighty fraid that I cannot do such a thing,” Richie said in a such attempt at the British Guy that Eddie was sure that he wasn’t even trying. “I told the rents that i would-”

“Another lie,” Eddie said, his anger seeping out against his will. “And a bad one. It’s Thursday, Rich. Your parents have their cooking class on Thursday nights. If you’re going to lie to me, at least tell a better lie next time.” 

An odd, questioning expression came over Richie’s face as he moved to scratched the back of his neck. “I’m not lying to ya, Eds. My parents aren’t going to go to the cooking class anymore. I guess they learned everything they needed to.” 

Eddie frowned, eyes dancing over Richie’s face. “Rich… you’ve been crazy quiet all day. I’m not going to question you in front of everybody else, because that’ll just lead to stupid deflecting until I get mad at you and let it go so-”

Richie reached out and pinched Eddie’s cheek, forcing a sharp grin. “Aww, my little Eddie Spaghetti knows we so well! He’s worried about little ol’ me-”

“Yeah!” Eddie swatted Richie’s hand away and forced himself to keep his composure. “I am worried about you! You’ve been acting off for days and I.. please come over after school. I won’t even make you talk about it if you really dont want to but we… we could have an EddieandRichie day. We haven’t had one in a long time?”

Richie smiled bashfully, glancing down at the ground as he cheeks warmed slightly. EddieandRichie days had been introduced back when they only in kindergarten back when Frank Kaspbrak was alive, and Sonia Kaspbrak hadn’t dammed Richie Tozier as the coming of end of days. It had originally been little things, whims of childhood and scraped knees. As they’d gotten older, and Sonia had tried harder to Eddie ad Richie apart, the style of EddieandRichie days changed. Started including sneaking Richie into Eddie’s house- or sneaking Eddie out of it. Had changed from games of Crazy Eights and hopscotch to passing joints back and forth while spewing out information they’d never be brave enough to tell anybody else. EddieandRichie days were no longer regular occurrences- but now something that was only was suggested when it became obvious the talk was necessary. 

“Alright, fine.” Richie agreed, still giving Eddie half a smile. “We can have some EddieandRichie time today- but I’m going to sit in your stuffy bedroom and risk getting my ass handed to me by Sonia Kaspbrak in the least sexy way possible. We’re going out.” 

Eddie stared wide eyed at Richie before coming to the conclusion that it wasn’t utter bullshit, and nodded. 

--

Eddie took the stairs downstairs three steps at a time, and barely called a goodbye to his mother as he took off out the front door. The longer he spent in her presence, the more likely she’d be to try forcing him to stay. And Richie’s nasty old pick up was already parked outside. 

Eddie let himself into the passenger seat and greeted Richie. His best friend gave a thin smile and took the vehicle out of park. Eddie’s stomach tensed slightly, and the drove in silence until Richie pulled them over up the Quarry. Eddie watched him with careful eyes. 

Richie tapped his hands against the steering wheel, exhaling hard and feeling meeting Eddie’s gaze. “No bullshit?”

“No bullshit.” Eddie confirmed. 

Richie let out another loud sigh, eyes fluttered shut. “My parents are getting a divorce. My mom moved out last week.”

Eddie blinked, more than a little caught off guard by the statement. Maggie and Wentworth might not have always had an amazing relationship, Richie had given small illusions to arguments when they were younger but that had all but stopped since they entered high school. 

“It’s stupid,” Richie said with a hard swallow. “To be upset, you know? I’m not a little kid. I get shit. Like.. they weren't’ in love with each other anymore, they still love me, blah blah blah. There’s no reason to get all emo and cry about it.”

“It’s okay to cry,” Eddie said slowly. He reached out and wrapped his fingers around Richie’s wrist and pulled it into his lap. He tangled their fingers together. “I’m pretty sure it’s a rational reaction to your parents splitting up, it’s changing your whole life.”

“Aw, nah, it’s not the serious,” Richie chuckled, but Eddie could see the tears dragging in his eyes as he ruffled at his hair. “‘Sides, I’m leaving for school in a few months. Won’t make much difference, you know?” 

“You’re upset about it,” Eddie squeezed his hand. “And you’ve been upset about it for days. I could tell, I’m sure all the Losers could tell something was wrong. Whatever you’re feeling is okay. You know, you can have emotions.”

Richie barked out a laugh and wiped at the tears that had dripped down his face. “They didn’t even fight anymore, I think that’s... you know, the worst part. That they didn’t even care enough to fight with each other.  Promise we’ll never stop fighting, Eds.” 

Eddie ignored the way his heart hammered at Richie’s comparison and smiled softly. “I can absolutely promise you that we’ll never stop fighting.”