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#i dont know if its just like that or if maybe i missed something here and there that could lead to something more
evocatiio · 1 day
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if chibnall was the one writing this season you lot would be talking VERY differently
#anti rtd#oomfs ur so right#s14 is the kinda mid that people think his era was#and yet#you throw in that razzle dazzle written by rtd and all of a sudden there's no criticisms!#or worse somehow#is how its a polite and gentle reframing of chibs criticism#like with him it was hey he ate this singular one thing But I KNOW CHIBS IS BAD HE'S TERRIBLE DONT WORRY I KNOW IT#and with rtd its oh i disliked this nonsensical and objectively bad writing but ummm guys i lOVED LOVED everything else i swear#its soooooooooooooOOOOOOOOO#it must be studied#but i knew yous were a lost cause when we had 14/15 running around calling men hot bc yes totally something the doctor just does#not ooc at allllll#bc this is how we know the doctor is queer now guys#dont you know it#i have like a million other complaints i miss being like oh hey that was mid/bad and moved on with my life 😭😭#god i think 13 era killed me bc now i do care about u hypocritical losers#rip 15ruby i wish i cared and that you had any development#ncuti millie i would like to hang out with you though#15 maybe you'll cry less next season so that the emotional scenes have impact perhaps 🙏🏾🙏🏾#ramblings of an insomniac#god i just remembered the whole real mum antics#fuck i need to go i gotta go!!!!#ps the ncuti conundrum where he's the most charismatic dr in nuwho whilst also being the worst actor is driving me nuts#idk if its the characterisation or his lack of ability in creating that inner psychology that connective tissue between his louder acting#which he's great at btw!#idk maybe that one monologue in boom made me go yes okay here we goooo#but then every other moment has been like hmmmnnnmtgodhd okay whateve#i think he needed more acting prep before he got this role bc he's got Something he could be Great but the subtle stuff is lacking#sooo hoping he can grow into that but it's giving perfect actor wrong time.... and if ur white ur not allowed to agree with me shush go away
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electricpurrs · 1 month
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sorrowsaint · 27 days
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im going to bed
youtube
heres a song i like goodnight
#......................#.............................................#..............................................................................#thats probably enough of a buffer.#last night i dreamed i was in the hollow below the tree that my body was in. when i woke up in the morgue all i wanted to do was curl up#my bones remember i think. even if i dont. sometimes i feel a phantom emptiness on my chest#like the arrows. like the knives.#its scary. its so scary.#im just a kid#will i remember it forever? how long will it haunt me?#people die all the time. people die and come back. people die and come back and they remember but it doesnt haunt them#i was trapped in death and i think thats... its not gone. maybe it is magically but i still feel it.#all i had for so many months was the vague knowledge that i was dead and this overwhelming sense of sharp coldness#my body remembers. i remember. how does anyone forget things like this? i dont want this. i dont want to remember.#i like it under my bed. ive put pillows and blankets down here. the vent that blows in cold air is here too so it feels comfy#and maybe it reminds me of being under the tree. and i dont know why but thats something im actually okay with#my body was under something for so long. the soil was cursed but i loved those woods. i miss the woods. my body hurts.#my mom is missing a leg and sometimes she talks about phantom pains. like her leg realizes it isnt there and screams#can you feel that way about a hole in your chest and your neck. can you feel that way about a tree above you.#can you feel that way about death#maybe i should get angry. but alone. so so alone so i dont hurt anyone.#i cant prove him right. because he was wrong and everything he ever said was wrong and he sucks and i hate him#im not like him.#im like gertie and my parents.#im so tired. im so tired. i want to sleep in dirt for a few more months. maybe sort myself out somewhere dark and quiet.
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mydemonsdrivealimo · 4 months
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ik realistically i never got a lot of love for jensen and bryce bc oh my god a queer pairing of color?????? fucking tragic i know but also i like to pretend its just bc they are too complex for the mere cishet choices player to understand 😌 
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toastsnaffler · 12 days
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wellll everything could be worse.. at least we're not stranded in the arctic for years on end with lead poisoning and a Beast out to get us 😌
#watched another ep of the terror w my roomie.. qhat a stressful show lucky im too zonked so its going over my head#shes alrwady seen so shes trying not to spoil it for me its my first time 😭#i think she might be getting a cold too. so maybe we're both just coming down w smth and thats why we're so tired#not just med crash but the fog was sooo bad i keep not being able to finish sentences and slurring my speech#luckily shes familiar enough to get the gist of what imean when im so out of it anyway so its okkkk#but ahhh..if its bad again tomorrow ill probably still be able to get through movje night i can watch from bed#but might have to miss the gym :-((( we'll see how it goes maybe itll be okay#mayhe ill take 20/20 again on thurs just so i can go.. ah i dont know we'll see we'll see#whenever i hit this stage of tiredness or illness i always just wanna cuddle so bad too ahhhh#tryung to stay focused on qhat shes saying but she kept putti g her hands in her hair and i could smell her nice shampoo#like okayyyy when is itmy turn to stroke your hair im sitting so nicely here#ahhhh okay im crazy im going to sleep#i do need to be brave and ask if we can ljke hug more sometimes or something though ahh i miss being physically affectionate with anyone#and itskind of big for me like verbal affection js nice but im more of a physical person even if i dont allow myself to express it!!!!!#and i just dont want to cross boundaries or anything or get called needy again. but so what if i am needy nothing wrong eith that#anyway to bed before i start embarrassing mysrlf goodnight everyone i love u muah#.diaries
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mitamicah · 25 days
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#I have thoughts about the new tour yet I am not sure if I should share (given why I do so in tags)#I am not surprised to see denmark is absent#I am a bit surprised to see no scandinavian country AT ALL#not surprised to see germany and the uk have most dates (that's sadly something I've seen a lot from bands/artists I like)#a little befundled with the route he has scheduled for both germany and the uk dates#glad to see other countries like switzerland france and the netherlands get their debut#not surprised it is in october since that seems to be around the same time for his europe antics last year as well#all this said I am a bit conflicted what to do myself#I'd like to go to gigs on this tour#yet I've already run out of the country four times these past upcoming five months (three times to finland)#since it is quite expensive and maybe not something I will have time for given I hopefully get an internship in august#with that in mind I feel like I should probably go for only a few dates#and yet last time I felt very much like I was missing out and overlooked because I didn't go to “more than two shows”#and here is where I feel like my thoughts are probably not great#i was thinking about maybe going for hamburg as first priority since it is the closest (4 hours in train)#then have frankfurt and munich as second priorities making it a little mini tour#I am not sure if I'd physically and mentally be able to do more than three gigs in a row#yet if I am I sort of want to go to zurich too because I've never been there#two days to decide is not very long#I feel very stressed tbh#and I hope noone will take this in any wrong way#please I really dont want to feel shit again#I know my last concert related take was on the fence#(even though as it turned out the venue did worse than me in that regard)#but this one is really just me thinking about what would be the smartest plan#other possible options would be to go for zurich since it is in a weekend (sunday) and then - depending on whether or not I have work#either go home or follow jere to amsterdam (then maybe paris and brussels)#another option is berlin then hamburg and then to home from there (so two shows)#or london and bristol since its the weekend (maybe manchester as well if it is not far - so up to three shows)#the latter I am a bit concerned about since being trans in the uk is not great atm
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haven-gum-rockrose · 1 month
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going through it lately. and by it? i mean absolutely nothing actually.
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fathers day is this month how am i going to inflict psychic damage on myself
#snap chats#we were cute and sillay even for mothers day last month#but unfortunately i actually love my dad and i miss him so the possibility of doing something a lil moody is very real#i love how i always say i miss my dad as if hes dead. hes not dead hes just scared of my mom which. fair we all are LMAO#anyhow esp when im leaning towards doing something focused on jo since last month was more for arakawa...#i dont have anything in mind yet but i have the semblance of an idea... its budding but i dont have it refined in the dome...#because i also wanna see if i can do something for arakawa too so idk if i wanna knock out two birds with one stone for one comic#or make two separate posts (whether those are pics or comics idkidk)#i always really like to imagine quiet moments between jo and masato- however rare they might have been in canon#oh wait im gonna throw up what if i posted that prison comic on fathers day#if i dont get any ideas i just might.. unless i get too impatient and post it earlier ☠️#anyway this is just a promise i will be goofy on fathers day. except instead of Actual Goofy i might post something Cereal for once#nothing i say makes fucking sense unless you know my lexicon fucking 'cereal' is my Cute And Quirky way of saying serious#because Im Cute And Quirky alright moving on#Being Serious and Emotional isnt my forte. im very bad at doing both so i of course try to be funny instead#bu maybe this once..... the jo and masato feelins are strong this month......#its cause my moms giving me a harder time than usual so of course im just thinking of my dad more and Now We're Here#alright im finally gonna finish my comm then i might get to cooking bye
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luciality · 6 months
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iggypan
#shut up luci#delete later#i cant keep thinking of alice going to japan for a meeting but deciding to arrive early to do some casual tourist things bc its been so long#since shes done tourist things. anyway this is like the early aughts or late 90s whatever. she goes to the bridge to see all the cool fashio#fashion and maybe take pics like a rude tourist. maybe even check out the shops and buy something cute. and shes like WOAH so many cool styl#styles. heavily inspired by me england i am england i invented punk me personally i did that. and goth. whatever the hell this lolita is#is also clearly inspired by european fashion. and vw's mini crini line.#she just thinks jfash is neat. doesnt rly get all of it but she likes it. its cool. but then as shes taking picture like a rude person#she notices one girl look straight at her and then duck and turn around and speedwalk away. and iggys like oi wait im sorry i'll delete the#picture im sorry miss i didnt mean to be rude! and when she catches up to her shes like ?!?!?! sakura??? why are you dressed like this???#and sakura is like ahhhh i didnt know you would be here. sometimes i dress up when i am not working. it is fun i have some friends who like#to meet up here. yes humans. ahhhh >_< i really didnt mean for u to see me like this..... and iggys like oh its no big deal i dont mind.#i think this whole lolita thing suits u. hahaha remember when i used to dress all punk and gothic and whatnot? what you wear outside of work#is your own business. plus its cute :3 like u :3 hey maybe next time we can dress up together and go clubbing or to a concert. er...#a live as u say. haha lol. and sakura is like mmm perhaps. that might be fun. and then alice is like Right now how do i get to the maid cafe#from here. and sakura is like >_> ok um which one.#i love them
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dreadfuldevotee · 7 months
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i am just...so profoundly tired of being me
#char.txt#there is something that is so revolting about me I am incapable of shaking the shame of it#Theres nothing i can do to make myself happy its just not possible i think i have to accept that#but im tired of pretending for other people its so stupid#everything feels fake even when im being honest i dont know who this person is anymore#its just stupid idk im thinking about too many things#my life feels like it exists for other peoples entertainment and if im not interesting im failing and im wasting peoples time and energy#but i can't be alone anymore I legitimately cannot be alone anymore ive tried so hard it only makes things worse#I need to feel wanted and maybe its something im missing thats keeping me from feeling that way#but I feel so deeply that when i stop being funny or when the person ppl actually want to talk to comes around ill stop being relevant#i dont exist to people when im not infront of them and...idk i have to be okay with that because im never anything more#and like this genuinely isnt a dig because there are people who I am friends with who have access to see this and I don't want you to feel#like its something youve done cause its not your fault its kind of not even about any of you or the ppl wholl never see this#Its something im missing its something about me and i dont deserve cruelty ik that#but i can't make anyone want me more than they do and thats alright#i just know that ill always be second fiddle at best and it just exausts me sometime#its be easier if I liked me but I wouldnt wish my presence upon anyone#but im selfish and i need the attention or ill actually self destruct so here we are this is my boulder
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catboyfurina · 7 months
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myah
my paimon age headcanon* is that she is like dave from kipo. she's technically a super old immortal** but also she Is a kid***. i was originally framing it as a phoenix sort of situation but dave from kipo has the same vibes plus like. being a person and not an animal and also being the same person (which, if i likened paimon to a vidyahara a la hsr, would not really be the case) *i flip flop between a few headcanons, namely the seelie one and this sort of phoenixy one. i really like paimon i have so many thoughts about her shes so interesting and sweet and ridiculous **i think the reason her memories are so inconsistent could be erosion at play. sometimes she can remember things and sometimes she is actually a really helpful guide but mostly she doesn't know what is going on and what she can remember seems so random. i also think theres some paimon lore in the wrio story quest so im actually gonna play that one just. not until the finals are done beating me up. so maybe this is all disproven there and i can stop flipflopping ***her interactions with other child characters (klee, diona, qiqi are the big three for this point) are definitely mentorly but in a fellow child sort of manner. she treats them like younger siblings typically. adult characters (albedo is the one i remember the best) often think of her as a child and she hasn't really objected to that, that i've noticed? she gets cranky about being called a pet, or food, or a toy (but still plays along sometimes because being in disguise etc etc, but she is noticeably unenthused about those labels) but i haven't really noticed her get upset about being called a kid. however, she is noticeably more helpful and more advanced than the littler child models. she seems to be similar to nahida (and they get along really well)(i really liked the paimon nahida interactions it always feels like paimon is trying to fit in with adults or babysitting kids but with nahida it felt like they matched better. despite nahida being well,,, a lot smarter). i think nahida is also a technically immortal but also kid sort of situation, but not in the same way as paimon is. nahida reminded me a lot of the aranara, with her reincarnation looking the same yet being someone else, with all the stuff about dreams, etc.. also the aranara are childlike and only knowable to children (and certain people with special circumstances) so . yeah. i think nahida is permanently in that kid but not state and paimon is currently in that kid but not state but i do kind of think paimon hasn't always been a kid, maybe possibly. i do definitely think shes existed for way longer than twenty years. but also shes kiddo.
anyway i love paimon. shes my son. id feel kinda bad for paimon haters cus she is in Every Single Thing except that like if u hate paimon why are u playing the paimon game? just to gamble???
#beeep#i also think klee is yet another genre of immortal baby. but still different. i think shes like 50 or something in a baby yoda sort of way#well maybe not precisely 50 and shes farther along than the baby yoda i think????? idk much about starwars. but like that sort of thing.#she ages but she does it reallyyyy slowly. and then qiqi doesnt age bc shes a zombie so shes yet ANOTHER type of immortal baby#but like. a human baby that became immortal. and well by baby i probably mean likeeee idk 8? 10? not Infant yknow#oh but also. also too. i think my klee headcanon paired with my diona headcanon can be a lil silly funny. or maybe sad#okay actually yea its a lil sad#i think diona ages at the normal human rate and maybe met klee earlier but now shes developmentally a bit older than klee...... and shell#probably be an adult and klee is still a kid.....#one cool thing about genshin is how the kids are actually like. interesting. admittedly i get more invested in kids storylines than other#ppl i know even if theyre mostly there just to Be A Kid Tee Em but i like that in genshin the kids matter more than like. an accessory?#idk if that description makes sense but sometimes in media kids will exist mostly to make u be like omg single father my heartttttt uwahhh#anyway my tags got way off topic from the main post. basically. i miss kipo and like paimon#oh also? paimon nobiney. i had 'proof' once but i dont think i have enough tags left on here to type it out and tbh most cis people would#not consider my proof as proof. as well as many aimon haters of the trans sort#but its proof to ME.
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audiovisualrecall · 1 month
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Love how I can ruin something so easily
#actually id say love how depression can do so but i dont have to behave irritably just bc my brain feels unmoored and unhappy for no good#reason. i dont have to make it everyone elses problem#i wasnt trying to! but i cant communicate hey i feel like x and thats making me feel y and i dont know what to do about it#i just.. why dont they ask 'Why?' when i get like that. i want them to notice that I'm acting uncharacteristically and say something so that#i can go oh yeah thats dumb and idk why sorry yeah#but theyre reacting like its not obvious when i pointed out that this happens and that i want them to ask me 'why'#yeah is it fair to expect that if them? no. but idk what else to do abt it bc i am incapable of makingany other decision#im ANGRY#I'm disappointed i didnt get to be here for the yard sale and help them#I'm frustrated i had to be at work even though i was superfluous there today#I'm disappointed and frustrated that they dont want to try a yard sale again another week#like maybe a warmer and nicer weekend and puttinf more signs up will result in more traffic to the yard sale!#theyre giving up on it and i wanted to do a yard sale and didnt get to bc i had to be at work instead and now i wont gwt to again bc they#dont want to plan another yard sale bc theyre exhausted by it#i missed out and i wanted to do a yard sale so bad and didnt get to be here for it!#I'm frustrated that qe wont do another yard sale#and I'm unhappy that they didnf trust that i could clean up and brinf stuff inside at least like theyre tired so why are they doinf the work#let me help! i want to feel like i helped! I'm useless i dont do anything! but i was fold i cant do it on my own and wouldnt know where they#wanred to put stuff#like yeah i cant move the tables on my own into the shed. fine. but the boxes of stuff??? she could have come and directed me instead!#so like. fine i wont help. and then i got up and came to fuckinf help anyway even tjo apparently i wouldnt have done it right on my own#and shes like that attitude wasn't helpful like neither was what you said!#i know I'm not smart or helpful and just an annoying tag-alonf overgrown child but i wanted to do something#if it was my oldest sister insisting she could do it they wouldnt have protested!#whatever I'm stupid and reactive and i could have said like that makes me feel like u think i cant help and that feels shitty#whatever#I'm just. i hate existing its too frustrating and complicated and i havw no choice in the matter and i want to just curl up in bed and do#nothing and go nowhere and not talk to anyone and not do my medication bc i wont have insurance if i dont go to work bc i wont have the job#which means i can never do that bc unfortunately the result of not taking my medication scares me more than i hate having to be a person#i hate being a person but being sick is infinitely worse so
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polaraffect · 3 months
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venting in the tags yippeee
#damien.txt#gender talk time 🤪✌️#....................................................................................#screaming crying throwing up rolling around on the ground <- said completely deadpan#uhm. as always. thinking abt gender. and questioning. my whole life. bc. i cant stop doing that#soooooo like. my big thing. abt gender. is as much as im like. he/they-ing it here and irl. its kind of... complicated?#as ive gone on ive realized more and more that i dont. really. feeling Anything towards those pronouns#neither do i she/her. or they/them.#and just generally the whole Concepts of male/female? so like. im always like hmm. whats happening here#and other completely incoherent statements djbdhdbf sorrry anyways#i keep having these moments where im like. hmm. maybe. im leaning too hard into the masc. maybe i am not. he at all.#but ive like. really full committed to the bit yknow? like esp irl. all the ppl ive introduced myself to in the last 2 years have known me#as 'he'. and as someone who wears mostly masc clothing and generally attempts to present masc#and like. i bought a skirt a while ago and i was trying it on today and i was like oh. wait.#and before u @ me i KNOW!! clothing does not equal gender!! but there was just something abt it#and recently (the past like. year lmao) ive really been contemplating like. what i actually want out of transitioning or whatever#bc like. increasingly its become more obvious how... fucking difficult that is.#and the more i think abt it the more im like. bro its not even worth it for me? tbh? also like. sometimes i look in the mirror and am like#hmm. this does not feel better than it did when i hadnt transitioned at all. yknow?#like the last 10+ years ive been existing in this state w my body where im basically just. tolerating it. ignoring it. even.#and that hasn't... changed. after t. and ik thats not like the fix-all but its got me wondering if some of it/a lot of it#is just body dysmorphia? rather than dysphoria? bc like. god knows i have that too.#and just. idk. i feel Really Really anti-gender most of the time. would in fact. not like to be conceived of at all.#but on some level im trying to think abt it practically bc if that ^ is my thoughts on gender fr. i have to decide whats worth it#and like. i miss cool clothes. god men's clothing is so fucking boring. holy fuck.#and AGAIN i KNOW gender doesnt equal clothes but also like. i am Aware to the wider world it still works like that#and truly if i rocked up to work/class in a skirt everyone would be like What The Fuck#and i kind of want to!! but im also scared of that reaction lol#AHHHH why must gender be so complicated. i want to lay on the floor#lol there was literally more but i ran out of tags LMAOO sorry everyone. gender complicated. peace ✌️
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the-kipsabian · 4 months
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i should be writing and instead i just spent a good while reading through some of my old lynn fics cause someones been leaving kudos on them on ao3 and now i miss her and sami so much good lord
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snekdood · 6 months
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people always gotta lot to say about comic artists and about how they need to be "posting more frequently" but you sit them down and tell them to do the same shit and suddenly they're "unprepared", etc. 🙄 yknow this shit doesnt get shat out over night, right? find a hobby in the meantime while you wait, goddamn.
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