#i dont personally identify as a lesbian bc i just dont feel like it fits me rn but that is subject to change possibly!

[demonicguything]

sigh. need to figure out how to break it to my twitter mutuals im not exclus anymore and am very much a fagdyke

[chicago-poet]

idk i went back and forth on whether to post this bc i dont make a lot of posts and idk why i expect people to care but also i do want to tell someone and have other people know so.

super long confusing musings on my sexuality and stuff under the cut. its long so u dont have to read it but id like it if u could like the post if u wanted please n thank u 💖💖

like ok so for a long time now ive id'ed as an ace lesbian and felt at home with that and now bc of circumstances and reasons ive started thinking again.

but a part of me has always felt so disconnected from other lesbians like they all understood something i didnt and i loved the solidarity and community of being a lesbian but i didnt really understand such a big part of it. wrt being in love and sex and all. like i think i confused wanting that closeness and intimacy as being the same thing as feeling it.

and like i guess the turning point of that is that like i do want companionship and someone in my life but the way i want it is never the way other people do even through casual dating etc like sex and romance...the way i want those things are so specific to me and its feels like a venn diagram thats a circle and no one else is ever going to share that with me. maybe someday but its such a slim window to fit into that i cant expect it of other people right now.

but ive been reading abour qprs bc thats another thing ive been super critical on in the past (and i still kinda cringe hearing it) and i mean on one hand qweerplatonic feels like one of those tumblrisms thats code for "my discord relationship" and i feel like when you have a community based on a lack of something people fill the vacuum with like. fandoms and strawman comics. like im adult that pays taxes i dont have squishes on anyone.

but like that aside. i do get it. i like my independence and not having to compromise on things and it would be nice to have a life partner who is similar in those things but still wants the emotional intimacy and exclusivity and commitment of a partner. and qpr is like the best way to explain what i need to other people ig

and in that way i finally understood that like. being acearo is a very specific way to want a connection with someone and u do need words for that so u can find other people like u bc most people dont feel like that and its not wrong to want words to explain what u want to other people and if qpr is the best way to phrase it then i guess im stuck with it.

and then its like so do i feel attraction??? have i ever? but im still gay?? how can i be gay and also acearo? but it makes sense to me bc like i want a partner someday and it is more than a friendship. like in the past ive had very intense girl friendships that blurred the line where we would cuddle and hold hands and talk abot getting married and everyone negged us about dating/thought we were dating and ive always been the one to shy away from it when it came down to finally confront it.

but then when it comes time to say if were gfs i just....dodge the question forever. and i feel guilty about stringing ppl along like that bc i know they want something more than that and im ignoring it. like ive always been happiest in that gray undefined zone thats more than friendship but not quite dating.

like ive always been free with affection and then uncomfortable when someone (understantably) wants it to mean something more. ive always been the one whos not as into the other person while theyre enamoured with me. like my ex just used to gaze at me and say they love me and id be like .....thanks....you too! bc i did love them and i thought we wanted the same things. but it was complicated.

ALL THIS is to say that if i do enter in some kind of life partnership somehow it would still be with a woman or non binary person most likely bc i feel most comfortable with them and still dont like men in that way. so im still gay?

but u know. i identified as bi before as a lesbian before and then an ace lesbian so right now im in a phase of my life where aromantic asexual lesbian is the best way to describe me and im okay with that. it doesnt have to make sense to anyone else but me. it can be contradictory and confusing and "incorrect" but like if thats what i feel descibes me best then thats how im gonna be. its lonely but its also freeing because at least now i realize that i know what i want and i can have what i want if i meet the right person someday.

flowers for u if u read this far down💐💐💐💐💐💐 thank u to anyone who read any of that.

[hotshotshitshow]

had an (ex) friend go on one time about a friend he had who had identified as a lesbian, and how he was just WAITING for them to come out as a trans man bc to him it was just So Obvious and ngl i think about that from time to time and get myself all wound up hoping that nobody is just Waiting for me to be a man too

i feel like so much of myself isnt “lesbian enough” and it is a constant process of reminding myself that i am not beholden to anyone and that cis standards are not something i need to concern myself with 

(a lot of this worry comes from me not feeling like i fit it with the majority of lesbians, and needing to remind myself that it is cis lesbians that i dont fit in with, which is fine and acceptable; as well as the fact that i tend to find nsfw content made by queer men to be more personally interesting to me than nsfw content made by queer women because i deeply appreciate the depictions and appreciation of masculinity that i see whereas i still tend to find nsfw content made by queer women to be .... soft, palatable, and generally alienating) (that all being said, outside of art and etc, i still dont and never have resonated with queer men and have no desire to be a part of that culture)

the lesbian content that i have found that appreciates masculinity in the ways that actually hit home for me are so few and far between that i am pretty sure i could count the amount the artists i like on both hands

anyway this is all just another part of the journey in needing to understand, for my own emotional health, that i cant and shouldnt spin my wheels trying to find validation and acceptance of myself in other peoples experiences because that is not sustainable and the brand of queerness that i happen to fall into is just inherently kind of lonely and ultimately thats ok

[maskspurpose]

anon asked: https://x.com/maskspurpose/status/1711148987800023365?s=46 i need all your thoughts on where and how wataei fit on the butch-femme scale

okay see i dont really think either of them fit particularly well onto that scale and i would personally argue for the fact that like the scale itself is a somewhat flawed representation of like butch-femme dynamics as they exist?

butch/femme is a specific dynamic/subculture in itself basically and generally speaking butches & femmes aren't particularly big fans of the scale bc it misrepresents this dynamic as a sliding scale that everyone can fall on. i think the best and most concrete example i could use is the way it uses "stone butch" to imply that its just. the furthest on the butch side in terms of gender representation when its historical use is much more about sexual dynamics and specifically describes a butch who does not like to be touched in certain areas during sex. i know people also use it as a descriptor for gender presentation but i feel like not mentioning this would be like. an oversight. 

where were we...

 like it all depends on the person and im all for having fun with it sometimes but i also wanna like. ig preface the entire thing with like "applying the futch scale is fundamentally a bit of a joke" and thats in part why i made the joke about eichi unironically identifying as futch... hes 19 hes maybe not super well-read on the dynamics and mostly just applies them for fun and bc he doesnt feel like femme or butch suit him, he falls on futch.

 i know that in the past i've specifically said keito cares a LOT about this stuff and is really mad at eichi about it but ig this wasnt about keito. 

UMMM beyond this i haven't spent much time thinking about it for them. i like to call wataru butch and i think part of that is because the closest to like a fem counterpart to his general demeanor i can think of is kaoru seta from bandori. like a butch who has a drag queen alter ego. butch who presents like a flamboyant gay guy yknow? its about the gender nonconformity in either direction which is why i personally feel like making wataru into the popular perception of like a "femme lesbian" (aka a feminine woman) would fall flat and ignore a lot of the existing appeal of the character. 

(saying "the popular perception of" because theres plenty of femmes who very consciously and purposefully present in a gnc way but still identify as femme. theres actually like a really interesting... split i guess in "community" perception about this, where depending on the femme it's either straightforwardly about gender presentation or much more specifically about care and love for butches (this doesn't have to be like "being the caretaker for the butch youre dating" and i think that interpretation is pretty reductive too like it's smth that has historical background) who have historically been at high risk of violence due to their gender nonconformity. but like again this goes rlly deeply into these dynamics in a way i don't really expect people to explain and/or understand on fandom twitter LMAO) 

but like very genuinely you can do whatever the fuck you want. sorry for writing a whole essay about it jesus christ 

[Smile or comment on the answer here]

[crusty]

What is the difference between feeling like a butch woman and feeling like a transmasc butch? How can u know? Asking bc am confused about my identity :( U don't have to answer ofc but thanks in advance in case you do

i was identifying as a trans man for about 5 years until i had an identity crisis like. last year and came out AGAIN as a lesbian. the trans man label never really sat with me and i did experience a LOT of internalized lesbophobia and misogyny for many many years due to my upbringing. after taking a while to think and imagine what it would be like to be a lesbian i experienced a lot of euphoria over the butch label and identity. i never felt like a man, but i also never felt like a woman. however the lesbian experience was one that i never allowed myself to identify with and it was the most similar to my actual experience growing up. labels ultimately dont really matter to me, but the distinguishing factor between the butch identity and being a transmasc butch is just those extra feelings of dysphoria about womanhood and euphoria when embracing my transness.

even among other lesbians growing up, i always felt a bit different than the young butches i would see at my school. i also never had an older butch mentor growing up due to my family's rampant homophobia. i had no one in my life to help me answer questions on why i never fit in any category people tried to put me in. girls didnt like me at school because i was too boyish. boys didnt like me because i wasnt man enough.

butches already push the boundaries on gender identity and this felt like just another way i could express myself. i always wanted a beard and muscles. i never liked having breasts or a vagina. i personally wanted to approach masculinity in a lesbian way. i want to be a hot butch with long flowing black hair, a nice well tailored beard and dark body hair. i want a flat chest and a big package. i feel euphoria when i see myself in the mirror a year now on testosterone, my partner holding me from behind, telling me how handsome i look now that my beard has started to come in. even though i still have breasts, the T has caused them to shift and lose the fat, so now they look more masculine. im content with myself and where im going in the future. im content knowing that im a transmasc nonbinary lesbian even though other people might see me as a guy. im content knowing i have enough physical strength to fight anyone that threatens me or my loved ones.

if any of this hits home to you or anyone reading this, know that its okay to feel this way. the trans experience is varied and times are changing. i hope your journey with gender and sexuality goes okay, friend. i'll be here if anybody needs to chat. <3

[kermiekermie]

reminder that i could give less of a shit what labels someone uses. someone elses labels will NEVER and CANNOT "invalidate" or "harm" YOUR labels and YOUR identity. there are some labels that are harmful (likes "MAPs" and "zoos") but those are not harmful for the same reason as others.

if someone is using a label because they genuinely feel it describes their identity, then its none of my fucking business.

heres a rant about my personal stance on things like lesbian definition discourse, xenopronouns/genders, and things of that nature:

please, im begging some of you, go outside and talk to a queer person over the age of 25 and they can tell you about the history behind some of the terms that you guys go fucking feral over!!!!

i have a gay uncle in his 40s, and if i asked him or his husband about some of the things you guys act like are SUCH a THREAT to the queer community they wouldnt give a single shit!

the fact that we as queer people even have the privilege to be worried about things like microlabels and neopronouns and xenogenders and trans peoples labels is insane! we are so lucky that people feel safe enough to be openly queer!!! its not like that everywhere!!!

for me specifically the biggest offender of this is lesbian discourse. its def not as prominent as algorithms make it out to be but it gets on my NERVES!!! we dont need to make up new definitions OR police who is and isnt a lesbian because tbh? its their business, not yours. if someone says theyre a lesbian to me, then theyre a lesbian. im not reading deeper into what definition they use and their gender and how they present. it doesnt mean i have to be attracted to them or they have to be and look and identify a certain way, it just means they think the lesbian label fits them, and thats chill w me.

im also not gonna ask about the microbial sized details about their romantic and sexual labels. even if its doesnt make sense to me, it makes sense to them! and thats okay! saying something is invalid bc it doesnt make sense to YOU is using the same logic who are "against gay / trans people" because THEY dont understand. it doesnt MATTER if you understand or not, they are worthy of your respect unless they are directly harming people.

if someone who isnt ace or aro uses the split attraction model, i could give less of a shit! sure, i might not agree with it or support it ir even understand it, but im not gonna tell them to reevaluate their entire identity to find one that makes ME comfortable. labels are about YOU!

ive gone thru completely unnecessary crisises because some of yall dont know how to respect identities. ive hidden parts of my identity because they dont make sense to other people, ive stopped using microlabels because i dont want death threats, etc. im tired of it. we should all just learn to not give a shit and respect each other. discourse does nothing but tear this community apart, when its supposed to be all about supporting each other and being proud of knowing who you are.

im sooo fucking tired of this policing everybody's identitys bs just get over urselves

[blue-eyed-giant]

in return i want to give you resident evil for the whole 001 section for the ask game as well please feel free to ignore anything you dont want to do

fandom asks!!

omg the entire thing sjfnskxmskd thank you!! just like you i don't know the entire franchise (i will indulge myself fully once i am finished with my exams) so this is for re2, re4 and a vague understanding of re3, re7 and re8 (i know, what the hell is this order). the questions are under the cut this got long skcksk

favourite character: with his 27 minutes total screentime and charming personality luis serra navarro takes the cake

least favourite character: FUCK JACK BAKER bro i know canonically he is a victim and all but HE IS SO SCARY OMG PLZ mr x doesn't even compare and i just watched re7 while i directly played re2r

character i find most attractive: i started the whole thing bc i saw leon and luis's chained together scene and i played through the first run of re2r bc i wanted more leon. i think it's clear.

character i would marry: forget leon/jill I AM continuing the redfield bloodline. it doesn't matter which sibling.

character i would be best friends with: jill valentine so far looks like she is like some of my friends i think we would be good

a random thought: ada's dress in re2. why does she wear a bra that doesn't fit the dress. why is she wearing stilettos and a cocktail dress as fbi in the zombie apocalypse. why is she wearing sunglasses at night.

an unpopular opinion: very sorry to ada lovers but i find her a bit too plain she is always frigid so i can't bring myself to feel anything towards her be it love or hate

my non-canon otp: the gang and therapy sessions

most badass character: re4 merchant is peak businessman. quality goods. accessible. not picky about his shop location. killer outfit. amicable personality. best accent ever. the drama when he opens his jacket 👌

most epic villain: lady dimitrescu showed up, slayed cunt for 1/4 of the game, ate men, grew into a dragon-esque thing and left. also she is confirmed to be a lesbian you just don't get a better villain.

favourite friendship: ashley and leon. i don't like to think them as a couple (20-27 is a bit icky to me especially when we consider sherry the daughter figure to be only 2 years younger than ashley) but especially in the remake they made a great duo

character i most identify with: ashley graham. girl in her late teens, scaredy little mouse cat who is more than she seems and i too would try to flirt with leon at any given chance. plus i really felt it when she said THIS SUCKS in her solo session lol

character i wish i could be: claire redfield. she is very badass (not as much as the merchant tho), she is real smart and she is strong and brave enough to survive racoon city at 19 with no preparation and a slow af revolver. also i want her jacket

[seefasters]

Regina spektor anon again (hi!!!) Getting through mash at an unbelievable pace cus ive been putting it on while i ink a 20-something page comic. Im at the end of s7. Margaret being part of hawkeye and bjs little crew is amazing. Her lightening up a bit and also getting more, like, consciously written as sad and hardened by her experiences is soo good. Also i think by s7 theyve finally (correctly) landed on the idea that she does not need to be paired off with hawk or charles or any main cast male in order to justify her presence. Thank god for that cus her Platonic Chemistry with ppl, esp hawkeye, is off the charts. Shes my favorite character i think (her and hawkeye anyhow)- shes just so compelling. Shes also getting a little more masculine sometimes. You see her in fatigues and shit like that which yknow👀. Sapphic hotlips agenda (i know what was up when that old childhood friend came to visit). Btw I love Charles. Hes awful and elitist and a chauvinist but hes definitely a far better foil than frank cus he's capable of holding his own against bj and hawk and he's not a warguy rlly. (I say this with great affection for larry linville and for frank as a character, cus he was great too!! Its just that i like charles more) and watching charles warm up very slowly is great. I tend to not be on charles's side but its very satisfying to watch hawkeye get put in his place sometimes and it also makes it a lot more satisfying to see ppl get one over on charles because its actually a challenge. Speaking of which, i loved in love and war and inga Very Much. What stellar episodes. I demand More slamming hawk into the ground about his misconceptions and fuckups (affectionate) especially regarding women. Also the show made me cry again- when hawkeye tells radar off and makes him cry, margaret's little dog monologue, and especially especially when mulcahy punches that wounded man during the xmas ep??? :,>( the shame he felt was so relatable and touching. again thanks for introducing me to this series, its such a joyful experience to get to know this piece of art and experience it. Ooh oh also, i wanted to weigh in on the Where To Start Debate. While im not a purist and i think any way a person comes to a piece of art is valid, imo the best way to do MASH is to start from the start. The sexism and racism was genuinely very disheartening, and the cornier, sitcom-ier writing does make it feel a little less essential than subsequent episodes and seasons but honestly if you're in for the longhaul it ultimately deepens the experience cus so much of subsequent MASH is invested in interrogating its past, generally thru giving margaret more of a voice and by complicating Hawkeye's role as the guy we the audience are meant to agree with and identify with. The satisfaction that comes with deepening Margarets characterization and taking her problems more seriously is partially predicated on, for example, the early shows casually dismissive attitude regarding instances wherein she was sexually assaulted or harrassed or demeaned. I hope they continue doing that. I know that that isnt an experience everyone wants, but it feels rlly cool to watch the show learn empathy and grow from its crueler, fratbro-ish perspective to something more holistically empathetic. Sorry thats soooo many words dont feel obligated to respond if its too much. I just have thoughts. Thanks.

aaaaaaa hi anon!!!!!! i love reading your thoughts dw <3

margaret's character arc is definitely one of the best things in mash. everyone say thank you to loretta swit for fighting for her character

and yes wlw margaret is so real!!! some ppl hc her as a lesbian, i personally prefer to think of her as bisexual bc her relationships with men on the show are too important to her character to consider them comphet. 2 me. all headcanons are beautiful though love is love

i'm so happy you like charles! he's definitely a more fitting antagonist for the kind of show mash became by season 6. the way his character is explored does add a lot more depth to the show (and at some point i feel you'll find yourself rooting for charles too lol. maybe! maybe not) and dont worry there will be more slamming hawkeye into the ground. maybe too much even

and i think you're right about starting mash from the pilot! part of my enjoyment of mash is about seeing how it changes, evolves and confronts its own shortcomings. for some people that might not be the case though, so i generally think if someone's not vibing with season 1's pacing or jokes but still wants to check out the show, s2 is a solid place to start. it has a soft pilot AND it's one of the best seasons of television ever like literally win win

youre always welcome in my inbox!!! i'm v jealous of you experiencing mash for the first time tbh so i'm living vicariously through you lol

[kakashihasibs]

Out of curiosity, why do you feel like you’re aromantic? I only ask because I’ve been very seriously thinking that I’m aro, but I keep second guessing myself. I think it would help to hear why another person is aro, but I just don’t encounter a lot of people or bloggers who talk about it.

Feel free to ignore if you want, people irl and on this site are still really weird about aros, so I totally understand not wanting to get into it

Ooougha okay so i have thoughts™ and you are about to get them all good luck lol i get to how i feel in terms of being aro towards the end. I promise this is all building up to that even tho it'snot gonna seem like it at 1st x_x.

(tl;dr: it took me 5 years to feel like i loved my husband and I'm not even sure the love i feel is romantic or not bc it feels the same as how i feel for my friends but overall I'm not even sure what benefit there is for me, personally, to ID as aro bc what's even the purpose of labeling our sexualities, political or personal? (it's a mix of both)

There's, from what I've seen, really two purposes to labeling one's sexuality.

1) political coalition building. -> Hi i am a Gay man and you are a Lesbian we are not The Same but we have political interests that are The Same and we are more powerful and safer together let's have each other's backs. And when there's an issue that affects only you I'll still show up for you and when it's an issue that affects only me you'll still show up for me.

And

2) community and communication. -> hi i am a gay man and you are a man also interested in men (gay/bi) lets be in a community and/or relationship

(Please dont come at me these are both huge over simplifications! I'm build up my thought process to a more complex idea!)

Neither of these things are mutually exclusive, of course, and these are only sorta loose ideas I've seen some people express here and there.

I only note them bc people who focus on number 1, political coalition building, are more often (not always!) a little more down on "micro labels," whether they are exclusionist or not, bc it, they argue, in some way muddies the waters in terms of coalition building. If there's so many niche labels now and we're creating more and more niche labels then we're creating more and more divides and not focusing on keeping each other safe under the same umbrella.

I've also seen the argument that making more and more niche micro labels is related to individualism and commoditization under capitalism. Like "look you too can have ur own special flag and identity! Now buy all this merch to show it off! Give us money!!!"

Which, for both of these concerns, i am sympathetic to to an extent. (Except out right exclusionists, fuck them.)

People who focus more on number 2, community and communication, are generally, in my experience, much more in favor of micro labels. Say ur like me, I'm asexual but I'm also gay but maybe aromantic, but then where does the gay fit in? Oh geez idk. But wait! There's a sexuality that breaks being gay while also aroace down! I have a word(s) for myself! Which inarguably feels good. It makes me feel understood and normal. And now i can find other people who experience sexuality just like me. I can find a small community to feel at home in. Right?

---

i have laid out these two general ideas. The possible purposes i might have for naming/labeling/understand my sexuality.

I approach my sexuality from a political standpoint AND from a personal standpoint which I think most people do bc again they're are not mutually exclusive.

I am in some way not straight (and not cis but not talking about that right now). I have faced violence and discrimination for my sexuality. I want to name my sexuality in order to identify myself with a political movement. I name my sexuality so when I take political actions or make political demands, it is understood by others that i am doing so in solidarity with other people who have face similar oppression. I want to name my sexuality so i can better articulate the problems I face. So other can go to bat for me (and I will go to bat for them even if the issue isnt mine!)

For example, back in the day when ace ~discourse~ was much much worse, I was threatened with corrective rape (irl for the record) but instead of anyone standing in any sort of solidarity with me, i was told i was misappropriating corrective rape. (Which still just fucking blows my mind but besides the point.) This is why exclusionist can fuck off btw. Instead of anything productive they just were yaknow evil. Ugh anyway

I also faced discrimination at the doctors when asked my sexuality. I was honest and said asexual which lead down a whole rabbit hole of bullshit. The coalition building purpose would look like, "i have faced discrimination at the doctors for my sexuality and so have you so lets team up and support a bill that protects patient autonomy and rights"

And on the personal side i can talk to other asexuals who have faced the exact same problems i have. I can find empathy and understand in a way i might not from an allo cis gay guy (that's not dunking on any allo cis gay guy! For the record. We just have different experiences and very similar ones too!).

So you can see the benefit of either approach right? Maybe i just wanna call myself just queer or just gay or just ace and be done with. I have my coalition and maybe my community it still very broad but it is there.

Or maybe i wanna figure out why it took 5 years to feel like i loved my husband. Or why maybe my love for my husband doesn't really feel any different than my love for friends? Should the love i feel for my husband even BE different from the love i feel for my friends? Am i actually even feeling love? We've been together for 12 years what different does it make now anyway?

I feel like I'm probably aro but i also feel like I'm not and I'm "only" asexual.

Things that affect aros affect nearly all of us. We're all impacted by amatonormativity. We all struggle with getting next of kin rights with our chosen family, just to name a couple things. Discussing and supporting aromantism will benefit us all.

But what about discussing someone who is ace aro and gay? Maybe? Idk? Does being aroacegay bring anything new to the table? Or is it just another flag to profit off of for some fucking corporation? I dont know!

For me, is there even any separation between being ace and aro and gay or is it just the same part of me being looked at through too many lenses?

And all of this is what i think and feel when i think or feel like I'm aro x_x which is to say bud i have no fucking clue lol.

All i really know is i will fight for anyone under the queer/lgbtq+ umbrella regardless if it impacts me and i hope and pray that when people like me need the same kind of support everyone else will also fight for us too.

I think I'm done now. Sorry u got this whole ass mess lol. x_x if you have any questions comments or concerns you can DM or anon me any of them :3 I'll happily address them

[bimbobaggins69]

I feel like I enjoy reading about fictional men and being dicked down by them but irl I don't like men like that. Ive had one in person boyfriend that wasnt long distance and I didnt like the sex like at all. I still feel like calling myself bisexual though even though I'm attracted to women way more. I dont know how I should label myself though but I love Eddie and Steve and if they were real I'd let them do anything to me. I just hope I'm not alone in thinking this

you’re definitely not alone love, men who’ve gone almost their whole lives identifying as gay, meet one girl and begin to question whether they’re actually gay all this time, same with lesbians and straights questioning whether they were always hetero. Sexuality is honestly such a mystery and it’s never one size fits all. Do you like the idea of Eddie and Steve, bc the way they’re written in a lot of fics is not how majority of men are irl? Or do you genuinely find them attractive and could see yourself being with them in a relationship and sexually? irl men aside. It’s also not something you have to beat yourself up about, you don’t have to label yourself right now, you can do some more searching, figure yourself out a little more and then pick which label best suits you, you’re never alone and if you’d like to talk more about it, my dms are always open <3

[pseudophan]

happy for you nora! feel free to ignore this bc you are not responsible for my feelings, and joking at the expense of cis people is (genuinely) cool and fun (not that you need anyone's permission or anything lol)! but reading "cis woman (ew)" made me (a gnc cis woman) feel bad :(( to be clear this is NOT that like, "transmasculinity is just internalized misogyny" terf rhetoric. it just made me sad that someone i think is cool and funny thinks being a woman is gross. love and light to you though

omg no not at all!! i know you told me to ignore it but oh my god i dont wanna at all whatsoever !! i think women and cis women and ANY kind of women are amazing and i have zero issues with that whatsoever!! when i said that all i meant was that when people refer to me personally as a woman it's always felt a bit off to me like it never resonated. the word "girl" was fine bc i was so used to it since i as a tiny tiny toddler but as i grew older any "female" "gender" specific words just didnt fit the same yknow? (though, again, im not TOO offended by it, like its fine, dont worry) but ok most importantly: woman or women or anything associated with women, be it cis or otherwise, is SO not gross. like i cannot overstate how much i think being a woman is NOT AT ALL gross if anything it's the most beautiful and amazing thing i can think of. when i said 'ew' to the word woman i meant that in the context of me as a person, as in i don't necessarily identify nor refer to myself as a woman yknow? but that doesn't mean i don't thoroughly wholeheartedly love and adore women with my ENTIRE heart like oh my god i am very much still a lesbian just a nonbinary one. anyway. dw girl i SOOOO do not think women are gross i think women are better than anything whether you're cis or nb or whatever i just think women and all afab people actually are fucking legendary and i LOVE you

[bi-lesbian]

question... could lesbian not exclusively meaning "a woman attracted to women exclusively", could the same be applied to gay and straight...? Specifically straight. I've been wondering if it would be possible for me to ID as mspec and straight. Hope this is okay to ask?

oh yeah absolutely! gay is more commonly accepted as an umbrella label already, and while i personally havent seen it Super often, ive absolutely seen people use labels like bi straight, bihet, or heteroflexible for themselves (and im sure theres other mspec-straight labels as well, i just havent seen them in use myself yet!). can be for split attraction, specifying preference or some sexuality flexibility/exceptions, or whatever else!

bihet has some bad history bc biphobes tend to throw it at bi people to make them out to be "lesser" queers or "basically just straight", but if its a personal identifier used for yourself its a-okay to me! some people even use just straight or gay while techincally falling around a 1 or 5 on the kinsey scale, bc some people dont really care to specify their occasional exceptions in their identity. just all comes down to what someone feels best describing themselves with/what theyd like to convey to others about their attraction!

if you think an mspec straight label fits you then wonderful!! youll absolutely be accepted here :>

[violencebian]

this could be somewhat late but in response to your ’nmlnm’ post and whether it is exclusionary, i’d like to let you know that it’s sometimes not preferred because it implies that men cannot be lesbians, and this goes for the regard where non-binary men (especially those who are multigender and identify as other genders alongside being men) identify with the lesbian label. i dont think the focus should be put on whether they are men specifically, however this statement implies that multigender lesbian men cannot be lesbians because they are men, which could be harmful (unsure if this is helpful to add but i am saying this as a boygirl lesbian so i’m not just some binary person/a non-lesbian throwing this at you to be annoying /gen) your point is understandable, though! lesbians should not be forced to like men and that should be acknowledged. i am also not stating you have to like multigender lesbians or people in general because they identify as men too, that is not on me to be bitchy about! i would simply like to inform you of this, and i do not mean harm in sending this. if you are already aware of it then i apologize! you can ignore my ask or delete if you feel intruded upon by this, that is up to you

sorry but how can a man be a lesbian.... like idk maybe if u identify as multiple genders but thats still like idk how i see it like ur not JUST a man. its different from a binary man who identifies as being a lesbian. like how bigender while still being 2 genders falls under the nonbinary umbrella term because you dont fit into one of the gender binaries.

and its also just. im sick of lesbians not being able to have words to describe our experiences. like i dont WANT to be an exclusionist or use exclusionary language but thats so hard to do when lesbians are constantly having our language being torn from us. like the word lesbian for example is being pushed to mean just attraction to women and that u can be bi and still be a lesbian bc its being used to mean the same thing as sapphic. or now how nmlnm is being pushed as exclusionary. it just really feels like us lesbians arent allowed to have words to describe out experiences without being shamed for being an "exclusionist" and we all know when we DO come up with a new word that'll end up being hijacked too or that we'll be shamed for wanting our own words. like at this point i really wouldnt give a shit if ppl offered us lesbians words we can use as alternatives instead and still let us have unique words for our unique experiences (things like comphet, men saying they can "turn us", straight (usually cis) binary men telling us they're lesbians too, etc)

[uncloseted]

do you think some people can just never be in a committed relationship, or loyal? i've come close to, or cheated in every relationship i've been in (not been in a lot of relationships, but still). idk what drives me to do this, i feel terribly guilty after it happens and i KNOW there's no excuse/justification for it but i just dont know why i do this

Anonymous asked: To the person asking if Effy ever grew attached to the ppl she slept with... I read somewhere that after three times of sleeping with someone, the brain starts considering it "a relationship" (don't @ on that, I'm still not sure if it's just pseudo-psychology although even being that, there could still exist some truth in that statement bc of the way we're socialized) and like Christina said, she probably never slept with the same person more than once (which also probably contributed to her aura of mystery). She started to "fck (Cook) occasionally" like she said herself and she did end up kinda developing feelings for him.

Anonymous asked: So i’ve recently watching https://youtu.be/6LDP_SyswNk @Aba & Preach v 10 Girls (Fresh&Fit After Hours) and it’s interesting to hear your opinion about this discussion?

Anonymous asked:

Do you believe ‘in fact’ that all (heterosexual) men cheat (sleep with other women without their “regular partner” consent) is untold rule ? That men in nature are polyamorous and they can fuck without emotional attachment, but when it comes with women it’s not the same ?

I've been getting a lot of messages like these lately, so I want to do some myth busting about sex and sexuality. Research on sex and sexuality is relatively limited and tends to be done from a heteronormative, white, male perspective, leading both to gaps in our knowledge about sex and sexuality as well as misleading conclusions from the research that has been done. Further, there are all sorts of cultural and societal factors that complicate these types of issues, meaning that anyone who makes claims of "all men..." or "all women..." should be treated with suspicion. It's almost not worth trying to untangle the data because so much of it is just kind of bad... but bad data is better than believing people who make claims without any evidence, so let's get into it.

First things first, let's talk a little bit about sex and gender.

An estimated 3.5% of adults in the United States identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual and an estimated 0.3% of adults are transgender. An estimated 8.2% report that they have engaged in same-sex sexual behavior and nearly 11% acknowledge at least some same-sex sexual attraction. About 1.7% of people are intersex, although the number of people with ambiguous genitals or who are "not classifiable as either male or female" is more like 0.02% to 0.05%. of people. About 1% of the population is asexual. These numbers are increasing as marginalized gender and sexual identities are becoming more discussed and more accepted. For example, one study found that worldwide, 13% of Gen Z identifies as homosexual or bisexual, while only 3% of Boomers do. And these numbers are higher in Europe and North America.

Other studies suggest that the number of people who have sex with people of their same sex are higher than the number of people who identify as LGBT. The International HIV/AIDS Alliance estimates that between 3-16% of men worldwide have had sex with another man. An analysis of 67 studies found that the lifetime prevalence of sex between men, regardless of their sexual orientation, was 3–5% for East Asia, 6–12% for South and South East Asia, 6–15% for Eastern Europe, and 6–20% for Latin America.

I mention all of this just to illustrate that studies of sex and gender are really complicated. There's a significant percentage of people who are partially or completely left out of the conversation about sexuality, meaning that the idea that "all men" or "all women" act a certain way is fundamentally limited. And the idea that there's a "male brain" or "female brain" that react different ways to sex is incredibly simplistic and not really productive.

Sexual Desire

Sex can mean a lot of different things to people, and it means different things to different people at different times in their lives. It can be an expression of romantic love and intimacy, or an emotional roller coaster, or a way to relieve tension, or a way to procreate, or something that's fun to do in the moment... it's hard to paint all of these different experiences with a broad brush. To compound that difficulty, women's sexuality has historically been cast as something dirty or shameful; societies have historically been more critical of women's sexual desires than heterosexual men's. So when discussing desire, especially female desire, we have to consider the social and cultural factors that impact behavior as well as the biological ones. The number of women who "report" feeling a certain way in research studies may not be an accurate representation of how many women feel that way due to feelings of guilt and shame.

That said, we do have some idea of where, statistically speaking, female sexuality is similar to male sexuality and where it differs. A 2019 meta-analysis found that nervous system responses to sexual and erotic images weren't tied to the biological sex assigned to participants at birth; men don't have a stronger reaction to erotic images than women do. Despite this, there's a distinct discrepancy between male pleasure and female pleasure, with women experiencing orgasms less frequently and engaging in sexual acts without feeling sexual desire. Women are often not taught about their bodies and are discouraged from exploring their own sexuality, meaning that there is a significant group of women who are having unsatisfying sex out of obligation to their partner. These are just a few reasons why women may appear to be less sexual than men, even though this doesn't pan out in non-subjective research.

In terms of attachment, I couldn't find any literature suggesting that men don't form emotional attachments after sex or that their brains react differently to sex than women's brains do. While sex absolutely can lead to emotional attachments, there's no hard and fast rule about how long it takes for that to happen, and seems to have more to do with how the individuals interact with one another than it has to do with the presence of sex in the relationship itself. Some of the research I could find actually suggested that men fall in love more readily than women do, and that women fall out of love more quickly than men do, but again, these studies are limited in scope and relatively old.

Polyamory and Open Relationships

Now let's talk a little bit about polyamory and open relationships. For the purposes of this discussion, we're talking primarily about people who consensually have sex with multiple partners outside of their primary partner, although "polyamory" can be used to describe romantic relationships as well.

As with everything else I'm talking about here, research on polyamory is limited. One study found that 16.8% of people desire to engage in polyamory, and 10.7% of people had engaged in polyamory at some point during their lives. Another study found that as of 2019, about 20% of the US population has, at one point in their lives, engaged in some sort of consensual non-monogamy. However, while these numbers are striking, they seem to mostly reflect a fantasy or desire. According to the 2012 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, only 4% of respondents reported currently being in an open relationship. Another study found that, out of 903 people who had an agreement with their partner allowing extramarital sex, only 24% had actually engaged in extramarital sex in the previous year. These statistics also do not account for people who were engaged in non-monogamy alongside their partner (such as in a threesome).

A number of things can motivate polyamory or open marriages. These include liking or being attracted to another person but not wanting to end the primary relationship, one partner not being able to fulfill the other partner's emotional needs, differing sex drives, one or both partners wanting more freedom and variety, a need for a challenge or a change, distance, social, and economic factors. While some people view polyamory as a sexual identity similar to being gay, the idea that some people are non-monogamous by nature is difficult to substantiate. It may be that monogamy is a spectrum, with some people being totally monogamous, others totally polyamorous, and most people in the middle in terms of their desire for and comfort with extra-relationship affairs. Some research actually suggests that monogamy is more difficult for women than it is for men, possibly because it is culturally accepted that men will struggle with monogamy, while women are expected to desire or value it.

The outcomes of open relationships range from the positive to the negative and neutral. 76% of couples in open marriages described the quality of their relationship as "better than average" or "outstanding". However, one study found that 80% of people who initially had open relationships shifted towards sexual monogamy over time. 60% of people who said that non-monogamy was their ideal form of romantic relationships changed their views to being sexually monogamous by five years later. There are many reasons why this may happen; 80% of couples in open relationships experience jealousy over their partner's relationships. Some felt that non-monogamy was too time consuming, took too much energy, was too complicated, or got in the way of developing love, trust, and more intimate relationships with a partner. Open marriage is perceived as a primary cause of divorce in approximately 2% of divorces, although couples who were non-monogamous were not at a higher risk for divorce than monogamous couples. The open relationships that are most successful are ones with communication, trust, the maintenance of boundaries, and good time management skills.

Cheating

Approximately 12% of men and 7% of women admit to having an extramarital affair in their lifetime, although women may be less likely to admit to having an extramarital affair because it's seen as more shameful for them than for their male partner. Women may also be less likely to engage in infidelity as a reflection of traditional gender-based differences in power that exist in society. Women who were more financially independent and in positions of power were more likely to be unfaithful to their partners. Another study found that when the tendency to engage in risky behaviors was controlled for, there was no gender difference in the likelihood of being unfaithful.

Why do people cheat?

People cheat for a variety of reasons, many of which have nothing to do with sex. In addition to being sexually unsatisfied in a relationship, being emotionally unsatisfied in the relationship, a lack of communication and understanding within the relationship, feelings of being disconnected from their partner, and a need for affirmation or an ego boost can lead people to cheat. Men may also cheat "because they can"- it's socially and culturally permitted (and expected) in a way that it isn't for women.

Some researchers theorize that the discrepancy between male and female levels of cheating may in part have to do with culturally influenced sexual attachment styles. More men are reported to have insecure, dismissing, avoidant attachment styles, where they attempt to minimize their emotional experiences, deny their need for intimacy, and maintain their autonomy, which can lead to more sexually promiscuous behavior than their counterparts with other attachment styles. Individuals who grew up in an environment where cheating was common are more likely to cheat themselves.

Some genetic predictors for cheating have also been suggested, although more research needs to be done in this arena. A 2015 study found a correlation between expression of the AVPR1A and predisposition to infidelity in women, but not in men. People with a genetic variation of the DRD4 gene called 7R+ were more likely to engage in "thrill seeking behavior", including infidelity. However, gender doesn't play a role in genetic variation- a similar number of men and women have the 7R+ mutation.

Are some people incapable of being loyal?

The short answer is no. Plenty of people have maladaptive attachment styles or genetic predispositions to negative behaviors, but that doesn't mean that they're bound by those factors. For example, plenty of people are genetically predisposed towards alcoholism, but only a small percentage of those people actually become alcoholics, and about 35.9% of those people recover from their alcoholism within a year. Other factors are always at play. Even if you take the evolutionary psychology view that men will always cheat because "that's what they're designed to do" (which...you shouldn't take that view. Evolutionary psychology is an incredibly controversial field, and even within it there's a ton of debate on this topic), humans do all sorts of things every day that we're not "designed" to do. We live in cities and work 40 hour a week jobs and watch TikTok. None of that is "natural", but it doesn't necessarily mean that we shouldn't be doing it. And on the flip side, there are all sorts of "unnatural" things that are good for us. Modern medicine is great. To create an even more literal parallel, tons of people are vegetarians- between 1.2% and 39%, depending on the country- even though meat is readily available and we're "designed" to be carnivorous. The decisions that we make are a product of all sorts of factors, not just biology.

Wrapping Up

People are just people. They're complicated and they want different things, regardless of sexual identity or gender. But ultimately, we have a choice in what we do and don't do. The only real rules are that we should express our needs to any partner(s) that we have, and to be honest with them about what we want. The only thing that's not okay is crossing your partner's boundaries.

[crusty]

dont look at my carrd i have to fucking. eviscerate it.

remember when i said i was having gender troubles?

https://twitter.com/crustylord/status/1389010486415577090

BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT IT. BEEN THINKING REALLY FUCKING HARD ABOUT IT.

my gender expression is something insanely fucking personal to me. my experiences are not going to match anyone elses. me and my partner were both identifying as trans men, but weve been able to talk a LOT about it and it really helps that both our experiences are so similar. personal. im still a gay transmasc whos looking to transition, but pinning the right label is something ive struggled with for a long time. i dont really think i was ever really attracted to men in the way i thought i was... supposed to be.

not every (cis) lesbian will decide theyre actually a man and not every trans man will decide theyre actually a lesbian

for me personally, the idea of being seen as a woman just. never fit. however, i later realized i didnt really care much for embodying the real image of... manhood. whether thats because of how cis men ruined it for me or i just stopped caring about appeasing cis men and wanting to fit in with them as a whole... idk. its a lot.

sexual orientation and gender identity are inherently just. concepts. preferences. if we get real philosophical, they dont actually exist, and they dont matter in the grand scheme of things aside from the ability to form your own unique identity and be a part of a community.

the way that i view gender is my own, and the tldr; it doesnt matter. whether im seen as a man or not doesnt matter.

im very attracted to women and ive tried to hide that aspect of myself for a very long time. i could never call myself a lesbian because i, personally, was so fucking scared of it.

my partner told me he feels very similar to me, and that if i wanted to try out the butch label... see how it feels.... it would all work out. i fucking love him so much for that like. yall dont even know.

so more blathering here bc i cant really type much on twitter.

im trying out this label to see if it really fits, but tldr: im not a guy. im something fucked up and evil and insane. wahoo

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

i realised i wasn't straight when i was in 5th to 6th grade when i started exploring/questioning (?) my sexuality. i used the label pansexual which i still feel a connection to bc i still fit the criteria (attraction regardless of gender/not caring abt gender, etc) but after realising i wasnt cis either its more complicated now? and i was hoping u could help me?

i get attracted to different genders differently. to oversimplify it : im more sexually/physically and emotionally attracted to women and fem-aligned ppl, and more romantically inclined to men and masc-aligned ppl. i can still get romantically/sexually attracted to someone regardless of their gender but the ratio? the intensity? idk what to call it, the likelihood/frequency (?) is different.

but regardless whether the ppl are mascs/fems/nbs etc i feel like its in a gay way?? i personally identify as genderqueer slightly masc leaning but i feel like a lesbian when liking girls/fem aligned's and like a homosexual man when liking men. which is rly confusing to me. im afab and thought me liking men would feel like a girl liking a guy way but its different.

its frustrating bc i cant exactly categorise my attrraction in a way that i understand and it keeps me up at night. i know i dont have to have labels but having one would be more comfortable for me bc i like feeling like im in control and it just makes me feel like i know who i am or at least have an idea of who i am that way.

there might not be an actual term for smth like this but i just wanted to hear your thoughts as someone who's had more experience and has knowledge about the community.

any kind of help is very much appreciated and i thank you so much for doing this for us ryan <33

Heya mate :D

Ayyyy fellow masc genderqueer 😎 

Hmm, I’m not sure if there’s a specific word for sexual attraction to mostly women, but it sounds like you might be sapphic alterous (attracted to mostly women/fem aligned people in terms of alterous traction) and achillean in terms of romantic attraction!

Another label you may want to check out is varioachilromantic (click for link to wiki page) 

Varioachilromantic is defined as someone who uses the split attraction model and whose romantic orientation is achillean, but isn't achillean in sexual orientation. They are considered varioriented. 

You can always call yourself both a lesbian and a gay man, people have identified with both those labels in the past so you can use both labels!

In terms of the “gay for all genders” thing, you might wanna check out the term sapphic achillean (click for link to wiki page) which is sometimes shortened to sapphillean. 

Sapphillean is a term for when one considers oneself sapphic and achillean due to being both male or masculine-aligned and female or feminine-aligned (fluidly or simultaneously), and being attracted to men and women. 

They identify as MLM and WLW however, they do not identify as WLM or MLW, one only feels attraction to women as a woman and only feels attraction to men as a man. One does not feel attraction to women as a man, or attraction to men as a woman. A sapphic achillean person may or may not be also attracted to other genders.

And as you said, yeah, it’s always good to use umbrella terms if you want to, but it’s also totally valid to want to have a label to feel in control of yourself! These are the only labels I could find, I hope you can find smth you resonate with! And you can always coin your own terms if you want to!

Sjfjjf it flatters me that you see me as someone who’s had experience and has knowledge about the community considering I’ve only known I was bisexual since January this year and trans since May, and all my experience with the queer community has come from tumblr since it’s not safe to be out where I am

JDJFJF (sorry I just love being called Ryan lmao)

Hope I could help you out, and I wish you luck with figuring out your sexuality! Lmk if you have any more questions, and have a great day/night!