#i dont think ive ever binged this hard

[arolesbianism]

Just wanted to drop in and say thank you for finding and posting the ONI logs that you do! As someone who loves the story of the game but absolutely would not have the energy to find all of the logs that aren’t on the wiki legitimately its nice to be able to see some of them. The one w/ nails in it is especially interesting! Nails was already one of my favorite dupes but that log made me like them even more tbh. Everyone say thank you to Human Nails™️ for making dupes like actually cognizant.

Also, saw your ONI stuff on artfight! I am absolutely not plotting and scheming anything at all i swear :]

Oghhhh tysm :')!!!! I've been feeling a bit self conscious abt my oni obsession lately so this means a lot! I still need to get around to making my oni story catalogue actually readable, I started a while back but ran out of steam after the like 50th incident with said one with Nails in it lol. And I actually recognized you from artfight! Saw your oni guys a few days ago and I'm honestly obsessed with them, it would be a shame if I had my hand forced and had to draw them :3c

[mikalame]

Pick- up

going out on a limb here lol havent written smut in god knows but i had this idea like ages ago and just wanted to write it down. please dont judge this kinda made me cringe a couple times lol

warnings: SMUT, phone masterbation, R.I.P Bill

Toms POV

"Fuck ___ pick up, pick up, pick up" Tom mutters into his phone the high pitched call ringing in his ear. The sound turning off and the beeping of a missed call is now echoing in the quiet room. Tom looks over to check if Bill is still asleep, the only think tom can see is his brothers back facing him on the single bed across the room.

Tom breaths a sigh of relief, if Bill knew what Tom really wanted he would be kicked out and made to sleep in the hallway as ___ wasn't picking up, Gustav and Georg love their privacy way to much to want Tom to sleep in their rooms so that was a no go as well.

"Fuck sakes" Tom groans, he lifts his bed sheets to see if his hard on is getting any softer but to no avail. Another time this would be great, he could go sneak into ___ room fuck her to his hearts content give her a quick little i love you kiss then sneak back before Bill and the others wake up.

But no, it just had to be on the day where they all had to get up at the ass-crack of dawn. Looking to his bed side table the clock flashing 11: 15 pm, not to late into the night but everyone is probably trying to get some rest of the big day tomorrow including ___.

Deciding to give it one more call he reaches for his phone chucked somewhere in his messed up sheets. Scrolling quickly to try and find her number in his phone catalogue, groaning quietly when his boxers rub against his sensitive cock.

"Please, please,please, pick up ___, god" he groans feeling a tad bit guilty about waking her up but god did he need help right now. As the beeping sound of a missed call sounds again he groans giving up hope that she would pick up.

'Bing' his phone rings. Toms head whips over to his phone, flipping it open and seeing that he had a new message from ___ his heart pumping wondering if he was actually going to do this, but the quickly making up his mind as he had now dragged ___ into his problem.

___ POV

The ringing of my phone wakes me up again. I roll my eyes getting annoyed at who ever keeps ringing me at such a late hour. One more ring goes off and i groan if frustration and snatch my phone from the bedside table.

I shut my eyes tight as the blinding lights flash me, as i get used to the brightness and can actully see whats on the tiny screen i see its from my boyfriend Tom with like a bazillion calls next to his name.

I get the reason Bill spilt us up, not wanting to her the headboard slam against the shared wall or the gasps and moans as we fuck each other to over stimulation but oh well. It does feel weird not having Toms warm body pressed against my back, his wandering hands running up and down my thing or his soft breath on the back of my neck but i digress.

Texting him quickly the letters on my screen pop up slowing, still groggy from just waking up but i manage to get a go enough sentence to send.

Me- Hey babe whats up why you ringing to late at night??? Tom- Please i need you, ive had this boner for like ages and it wont go away please help. Me-Really Tom a boner you woke me up in the middle of the night cause your horny Tom- Yes baby i know it sound stupid but its so sentitive right now and i cant bare it please Me- Why dont you just jerk off then? Tom-yeah but i dont got any sexy pictures of you on my phone to use and i get to distracted to make anything up in my head, can you just call me please

You furrow your eyebrows in amusement before another ding went off, wondering what Tom has to say now you open the chat log and see Toms cock standing tall, tip swollen and red, pre dripping from it already. You wont lie but seeing his dick even with the shitty lighting from the camera flash gives you that warm feeling in the bottom of your stomach.

Tom- please baby, i cant take it no more

He types in the chat. Your a bit confused as to what to do, wondering if he wanted to come into your room as him and bill are sharing a room and that wound be weird or if he wanted to have phone sext which your havent done before.

Me- So do you want to come over to my room or what?? Tom- To risky bills got some sorta fancy security thing set up on the door to make sure i didnt try and come to yours well just call okay Me- Wont Bill hear you on call though? Tom- I'll be quite baby dont worry

is the last text you get before the phone rings again. Not waiting another second you pick up that call, flicking your bedside table lamp on and sitting up against the headboard, your thighs tightening in anticipation.

Hearing a groan from the other side of the call you assume Tom has already started to try and get rid of his problem. You hear shilick noises which you can guess if Tom working his hand up and down before another low groan reaches your ears.

"Hey baby"Tom whispers a slight chuckle at the end, "Hey Tommy, really that bad is it?" you giggle finding this all a bit to amusing."Fuck you have-mmh no idea" he groans half way through talking "say some thing baby- need to hear- ngh- need to hear you noise fuck please, talk about - anything ugh" tom moans in a hushed noise.

You hear the bed creak through the phone wondering if he was thrusting up into he hand, the same way he does when you give him blow-job. Not having a clue what to say you just repeat things you have heard him say when hes close to cumming, words flowing out of his mouth as the high hits him.

"Fuck~ ___, need you so bad" he voice pitched higher then before his hand jerking him off faster." What do you want tom huh? you want my mouth to suck you off or just my hands maybe both though i bet you would like that" hearing a louder groan from the other side signalling to you that he was getting closer you keep going. "Yeah you like that, face fuck me, making me choke on your dick hmm".

Toms POV

Fast gasps come out of my mouth the knot in my stomach getting bigger, i move you phone to rest between my ear and my shoulder and move my other hand to my balls kneading them slowly. The extra movement adding to the stimulation my body starts heating up and i feel myself get closer.

___ spewing words into my ear, the sanarios of want we could be doing if there wasnt a wall between us carring me furter to my climax. I grip my cock harder aswell as my balls going faster letting out a few loudish moans quickly looking over to bill to see if hes woken up but his body still relaxed and not moving.

"Fuck ___-ngh- im gonna-Fuck!" you groan into my phone, my body tensing, my hips rising further to meet my hand, my back arching with my eyes rolling back as the high hits me hard. I bite onto my bottom lip really not wanting Bill to wake up at this point, fisting my dick again riding out my high i let a few moans out just to let ___ know that i was cumming.

As my body slumps back down onto my bed i let go of my now softening cock letting it rest on my lower stomach. Letting my breath get back to normal and cleaning up my cum before talking to ___.

"Thank so much babe, fuck i really needed that" i say with a much clearer tone "No problem babe, i hope you know that your gonna have to fuck me in the morning i don't care when but this phone sex thing god it hot, but id rather have you fuck me then listen over the phone of you get what i mean" she giggles.

We quickly say our good bye as i try and get some sleep, looking back at Bill seeing his back turned i can only pray that he didn't wake up, my eyes drifting to the clock flashing 11:39. I pull my body deeper into the bed my eyes only now feeling heavy as i slowly drift of to sleep.

TIME SKIP

I wake up the sun barely up but lighting up the room enough without lights looking towards bill bed seeing he not there must mean he up and about probably in a very pissy mood but still. Grabbing my socks and slipping them on i walk around to ___ room, seeing shes not there i raise my brow. I walk to Gustavs next, no one there i huff walking down the corridor all the way to Georg room, knocking a few times before jiggling the door handle to see if it was unlocked it was....

Opening the door i was met with everyone's faces: Bills face scrunched in disgust, Gustav mouth hanging open, Georg looking like he was about to die if he kept his laughter in any longer which seemed to be right as he busted out laughing clutching his stomach. ___ face in her hands i get the gist that ether ___ told them about our call or Bill woke up and told them.

"You couldn't of waited!" Bill shouts, my question getting answered. "Hey my plan was to go to ___ room but you had that fancy lock on so" i say not caring to much i grab a coke from the fridge and sit down next to ___ opening it a placing my arm around her shoulder giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I told you he was gonna wake up" she says leaning her head on my shoulder as we watch Bill rant about last night with Georg dieing from laughter and Gustav in shock. "Oh well, he'll get over it" i chuckle taking a sip from my coke.

YALL i hope you liked please leave requests they are open 😁

Taglist @oppopotamus@adissonsss@violentnewmarley@saumspam

[leychin]

PLAY NICE by @sugoi-and-spice may be the best thing ive ever read and im going to talk about it. I binged it all today. its so good please read it

TW: Mentions of r4pe, panic attacks, abus3, and many other traumas

This may be the best characterization of Shigaraki in fiction ive ever seen. Its realistic and it starts off like he does in season one. A brat, untamed, violent, and impulsive. When we meet him its clear he has no goal and hes throwing shots in the dark, waiting to see what hits. But its deeper than that, and i think spice shows that its shigaraki used to getting what he wants, hes never "failed" before and he doesn't intend to start now.

Its messed up, its all a fucked up situation darling lands herself in. She cant say no, she cant do anything, and in many ways shigaraki is no different. He's doing as his sensei instructs, and its what hes been raised to do and he cant do anything about it either, but at he tries to enjoy what he can.

The relationship is built off of him holding this over her head, she has a good life, good family, friends, and a boyfriend. Shes smart but shes not happy, and even early shigaraki may have been a brat but he was perceptive at least. In the short time they spend together he's learned her quirks, what makes her tick, and how she really is.

they both really do bring the worst out in eachother, but it's also the best isnt it? As the story progresses we see Shigaraki give crumbs of his past or what he remembers of it, and we see her learn to let go of the facade she puts up for everyone else around her. Its not even a healthy relationship, its not like theyre "getting better for eachother" its just a passive effect. Their relationship is still founded on shigaraki very openly r4ping the poor girl and holding her fathers job over her head.

Call it stockholm, but she gets too caught up in the routine of being with Shigaraki and its adorable to see, he can fuck her brains out and then tell her to play black ops 2 with him like its nothing. Its a welcomed click because theyre both lonely, they both need someone, and even if they arent the best people, they end up becoming better i cannot stress that enough.

i dont want to spoil too much of it for anyone who reads my little ramblings on it, but shigaraki opening up to her as time continues, learning, and not just seeing her as an npc is something you need to read and i cant possibly hope to explain. He falls so hard its so good. His thought processes, his panic attacks, his itching, its all so perfect.

Spice you need to pursue a career in writing bc you've made something raw, something real. You wrote a story about two bad people, two people who are bad but better and its gross but its also gross in a cute way. i love you and i love this mwah.

[akpinkprincesss]

I'm catching up on woe begone and it just got me thinking about some of the characters, like really thinking about them and damn it hurts.

i was thinking about lieutenant and it made me realize that he was a victim. what he went through was worse then anyone could ever imagine and he had to adapt to survive. Of course that doesn't excuse his actions but he isn't a horrible person doing things our of malice, he is a victim who did horrible things his abuser (the man who brainwashed him into obeying his every word) told him to.

and its not like ANY of the other mikes have it easier, michaels especially. Like i think the reason they (michaels) all hate lieutenant is because they have all been through horrible pain and suffering. They all have lost edgar and i think most (if not all) of the ones who are alive right now were held in the compound and also tortured, they just werent brainwashed.

In general i think the michales have a hard time empathizing with other characters because they dont want to get close to others in case they die. But any version of mike also have a hard time empathizing with lieutenant because they were also tortured and they didnt react like that. However they forget that trauma victims will do whatever it takes to survive and in this case lieutenant had to become the perfect solider or else he would die, or worse. and the only character who witnessed the torture first hand is either dead, doesnt interact with lieutenant at all or doesnt care which proves my point (i cannot remember what happened to that michael)

and after i had those realizations it sent me on a mini spiral about the W.B "villains" are actually just victims, these are usually iterations of the mikes. Like this nobody guy who just appeared (for me) i dont know what his deal is (and i dont want you to tell me) but the way hes talking it cant be good. The way he could withstand a gunshot for as long as he did doesnt give me good vibes. of course that could be of his own design but i dont know yet and when it comes to mike walters i can hope for the best but expect the worst.

of course not every villain in the story is a victim, like eagle he can taste the carbon of my bat as i slam it full force into his face. but some of them are just victim to circumstance and the horrible events that always follow mike walters.

thanks for reading my long ass rant, ive had feelings that i needed to get out. i might have more to say on the topic later but for now i will leave it. also ignore grammer mistakes im not in the mood to edit right now :/

ive been listening to this podcast on and off for about 2 years now? so there are bound to be mistakes in lore as i forget things and ill go a few months without listening then binge the 10+ episodes so if you have any notes please add them (without spoilers please i am only on episode 154 thanks)

note: do not take this the wrong way i love this show and this is NOT a criticism of the writing :D

[blkkizzat]

Kali losing her virginity story time when

sis lmfao it's not glamorous... ngl i 18 and i was crossfaded af at a college party and "superman" by eminem was playing.

LMFAO A MESS, ill talk about it but i don't wanna trigger anyone so under the cut. tw sex under the influence; dubcon

i probably wasn't in the right mind frame to consent or anything tbh (so please dont be like me stay safe). well, honestly now that i think about it, i think it was just that last bong hit that had me out of my mind. although i was already naked atp lol so i was down to have sex. but right after that's when i blacked out and when i came to i was literally moaning as ol'boy had a mouth full of my pussy hjdfasdjhfasdjh. i just wanted to lose my v and get it over with so i was happy to go with the flow. (disclaimer: back in the day when i was drinking hard dark liquor and mixed it with weed i would literally black out, but not go unconscious but just lose that time and not know wtf i was doing for the last 20 mins. But people have told me i was talking/acting like normal so idk.bdjhsdfjh but it happened then too. its only happened to me like 3-4 times tbh all when i binge drank heavy in college and smoked a fuckton of weed. so no it wasn't like i was unconscious and he was hooking up with me anyway).

that said, ngl that was some of the best sex i ever had in college. high sex is always great for me tbh and i dont remember it hurting much (but he had also just ate me out for like 45 min) but i think me and ol'boy just had good natural chemistry. he lived on the 3rd floor and my friends on the first floor said they heard me kfjhsdkjshdfkvjhsd.

one awkward asf thing though is the guy did not know i was a virgin and i would have told him if i wasnt so fucked up fjkhrfkdhgkdf.

also just wanna note, im not sad or upset at all. i always gave zero fucks about the construct of virginity (personally, please if you want it to be nice and special that is your preference and nothing is wrong with that). and sidenote thats why other than the one virgin!reader fic i will write (she wont really give af either tho tbh), i dont like writing virgin!reader cause i dont believe in idealizing it.

honestly i just wanted to lose it cause up until that point i was scared to use a tampon and was tired of being in the bloody dirt trenches with pads fhsdfjkhasfjaksh. like it wasnt even about "losing my virginity to a tampon", i was just scared to put it in. but literally got my period a week later and was like "well a dick has been in me" and found the courage to put it in. i was a silly bitch im fully aware LOL!

but i will say, it was this weird thing after where i felt bad for NOT feeling bad. like i had other friends who idealized virginity so much (then were all pikachu face when they found out i didnt want to tell them i had sex), i felt like there was something wrong with me for not thinking it was a big deal. even sometimes now, i wont want to discuss it just because so may people do idolize it its annoying to have to deal with their reactions and reassure them "no i dont feel like i was SA'd, no i dont regret it, yes i actually enjoyed the experience."

however i will say now im in the middle.

these days im alot more selective with who i fuck as personally i subscribe to the ideas of tantra/tantric sex. That while you can have sex without emotions, you can't have it without an energy exchange. sometimes ive felt shitty after one-night stands or liked the friends with bennies for the pleasure in sex but felt off after. i realized that those feelings weren't due to guilt from slut-shaming but the fact that their energy was off and it was now having an effect on me. so rn im DTF 100%—but yo energy gotta be right. and usually i cant tell that just from the bar or first meeting so ive been waiting more.

i rambled again jsdhsdjhbj but oh well.

[youremyheaven]

https://www.tumblr.com/youremyheaven/753054218607329280/httpswwwtumblrcomyouremyheaven75305074662326

i think i am a sensualist? or a lady? i think they both kinda go together but im not too sure 😭😭

ALSO WAIT ive never watched claire nakti properly but thats so interesting?? i ALWAYSSS assumed moon women would have more of that soft curvy build whereas venusians would be more of whatever was desirable in this era (like i get that right now having a model build is most desirable on social media which would be more saturnian/mercurial in my opinion) but i thought Venusians would be more of that + a bit more of a sweeter energy

omg also in western astrology, i’m a cancer rising so the curves and being more hourglass made sense to me ++ the motherly nature, the way i view the world and everything resonated more with a cancer rising, so in vedic astrology ive always found it so hard to relate to the ardra rising because i am chatty but to suddenly no moon nakshatras or anything cancer made me a little off and i only ever felt better with my moon venus and saturn placements (maybe ardra is soft though? or motherly? i dont know 😓😓) and i ended up being like “you know, half my naks are deer yonis so ill just attribute all that to the deer energy”

i had such a hard time figuring out my kibbe type because being southeast asian means im naturally below what is considered average… but so is everyone else around me 😐😒. and i used to be fleshier as a child but slimmed down a bit so trying to pinpoint the romantic part was confusing because all the romantic examples seemed to be more round and full? if thats the word. + kibbe is kinda hard to type yourself with because personally i think we are all a little warped in our perceptions of ourselves (also what do you think tyla is? i think shes very gamine, but has some romantic undertones that also show up in her form and we don’t know her height so 🤨🤨) i also used to think i looked bulky and therefore couldnt be a romantic but after a few comparisons and pictures taken of me i realise theres no way i could ever be classified as frame dominant or bulky, for that matter. being seasian definitely made the process a bit more tedious

no but you’re so right about acting different around people because i have friends i feel softer and calmer with and friends i feel so noisy with and then some where i feel like im the more juvenile one yet more mature and its so good that you have friends who get you and are willing to explain things to you like a baby omg i have some guy friends like that and i feel so much better when they do that at times too (sometimes male tendencies to mansplain are useful)

but yay its so nice to talk to you i feel like im actually learning so much everytime i come on your blog (and now im probably going to binge watch claire nakti vids since i have the time)

also hehe jupiter dk and anuradha placements and i just saw this vid —> https://youtu.be/0xvgMCUOm6Y?si=2-wbp9OEOYGcJJJk

ill be giggling to myself tonight (i say this but im terrified of being powerless to a man and to marry into a richer family because of social life differences and childhood and experience differences, even though i feel like deep down im actually going to end up with an insanely wealthy man— subconscious manifestation? maybe too much chart analysis? or just insanity?

Idk how many of you guys know how to calculate your final archetype, so there's like 7 main archetypes, right? Like The Mother, Maiden, Sage etc and so on and if The Lover is your dominant archetype (over 70%) then whatever comes second will join together with The Lover to form your seductive archetype.

Ex: The Lover (70%) is the highest and The Maiden is second highest. Then you're an Ingenue (seduction archetype)

The most curvy types are Moon, Venus and Jupiter influenced women

Moon is curvy because Moon is extreme Yin

Venus is the height of Yin energy, so 😌they tend to be very fleshy and curvy 😌🥰

Jupiter is the largest planet and has a tendency to expand whatever it touches, so it also makes you very curvy

Saturn rules the bones so it gives you a thin, lanky kinda build

Mercury makes one small and petite

Sun influence usually makes one short tbh,, but not for men. It's the most yang, so it gives you a very thin body and fast metabolism.

Martian women are more bulky imo. They're curvy but I don't often see them have a "soft" kind of build??? Theyre more frame dominant

Rahu gives average height but makes you thin-ish and Ketu influence gives you a loooong torso and very trim but looong looking body?? (Ketu is the body of the demon after all). I follow a Ketuvian model on IG and I feel like her physique is sooo stereotypically Ketuvian, she's only like 5'6 max but look at how long she looks??? (I don't mean tall, I'm talking about how long limbed she looks, like long arms, long torso, long legs etc) and also she has no curves or anything which is also on brand for Ketu

Also girlie Venus is the most yin/feminine planet along with Moon 😭😭😭 it only makes sense if it gives you a traditionally feminine aka curvy or voluptuous body 🤭like Aphrodite wasn't a skinny model??? Look at the Renaissance paintings girlieee

Mother energy is not very Rahu like 😬but nor do I think it's very Venusian 😶‍🌫️ Venusians are hospitable and socially gracious and do everything to make others feel comfortable and good. Maybe it's a combination of that energy, of wanting to make sure everybody's okay and all is well?? Combined with your Saturn influence?? Saturn influence on women can go in different ways but it also does make one traditionally feminine which means being very motherly

Take Salma Hayek for example. I think she's so maternal and sweet. She's Purvaphalguni Sun, UBP Moon and Magha Rising

I think her charisma and sweetness is her Venus + UBP influence. Don't get me wrong, Saturnian women can be very harsh and not in the slightest bit charming (Kendall Jenner is also UBP Moon) but evolved Saturnians are so mom coded (Saturn is all about responsibility after all) even Miranda Kerr who is sooo sweet and charming is Ashwini Sun, Punarvasu Moon and Pushya Rising and in her case, I think her Punarvasu influence also plays a big role bc they're very sweet and motherly as well. Even Miley Cyrus, who is Anuradha Sun, Vishaka Moon can be very maternal and sweet. She has like 20 animals and do y'all remember how she was with Ariana at that Manchester concert?? 🥺 She was so sweet and considerate and I've seen her be that way with manyyy people even if it's not something people associate with her 😤

Race/ethnicity and Kibbe is such a needed conversation 😤😤 and I'm not going to blame Kibbe because he wrote the book in the early 80s and he did cite manyy Black women as examples as well but he had no idea it was going to become this big of a deal many decades later and that the examples he used would be some official verified list which is analysed and scrutinized to death ☠️ BUT THAT SAID, I think race/ethnicity etc warps our perception of ourselves (duh) and also obviously affects our appearance. What would be considered curvy in LA would just be average in India. Also we throw words like "curvy" to describe anybody who isn't like Bella Hadid thin 😭😭 when the truth is, you've gotta have curves to be curvy 😶‍🌫️ and that many individuals are just frame dominant and of a bigger build which is underrepresented in the media so they try to dress for curve and end up feeling lost 😔

Tyla looks tinyyyy, I think she's a very stereotypical Soft Gamine. Gamine + Romantic influence = Soft Gamine. She also has a more pear shaped body which is kind of THE Gamine build bc their lower bodies are fleshier than their upper bodies ✨

I love it when men tell me things bc 😍 I'm actually clueless and so are my female friends (we're the stereotype 😔) like don't get me wrong, I'm hella emotionally intelligent but am I always making practical, logistical sense? No I'm not 😌 which is why men who only ever know how to get things done ™ are so great to have as friends like yassss 😍tell me how this works 😍 I once called a friend to ask him which side of an envelope I must stick the stamp on and not only did he give me very precise instructions, he also told me how to post the letter 😎bc he assumed i wouldn't know (he was right)

I also loveeee older women or any women mothering me 🥰 I was lowkey my professors' favourite and yk what it's like when many middle aged women have a soft spot for you??? 😩,, it's so nice, although they do fr be acting like moms and tryna interfere sometimes but I guess it comes with the territory and you gotta take the good with the bad 🥲

I'm glad you're learning new things through this blog 😌 that makes me so happy 🥺

ALSO LMAOOO yeahhh that video is truly something else 😭😂😂 imagine if all you had to say about a nak is that they'll marry rich??? Claire popped off 🤭🤪

GIRL BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. You think you'll marry rich??? Then you will 😌😎

I feel like people don't get this but being delusional is KEY to achieving what you want. The people who succeed in life are the ones who are truly crazy enough to think they can. The difference between the average person and a successful person is the level of delusion 😌

[somer-writes]

What's your personal favourite work you've ever written? Which one are you the most proud of plotwise or writing wise? Why?

MAN this is such a hard question uuuuuuh

my usual answer is Warriors' Last Straw bc i enjoy sibling rivalry the fic but something that *i* personally reread of my own work would be either The Purple Door or Depletion bc they have some of my favorite character things ive written (so far)

Hiding in Plain Sight also gets an honorable mention

bc i dont plot like ever i think the proudest one i can be is Demise which is ofc in its infancy XD writing wise probably The Truth Hangs as a character study

obvs i like pitting the boys against each other but also like theyre brothers. siblings fight like A LOT over NOTHING. and siblings know each others exact weak points but also how to patch things up. idk as someone whos been through a lot with my own siblings, i really enjoy writing them at their worst and building each other up.

warriors last straw is the overachiever who cant understand what he perceives as an underachiever but really, twi and wars just have different strengths. the purple door touches on inherent mistrust and understanding means to an end. depletion focuses heavily on boundaries and triggers. even when they dont mean to hurt each other, that doesnt mean it hurts less! hiding in plain sight bc there is no neat and tidy ending. twi does not wish to open up at that point in the journey and wars cant force it out of him.

demise for the plotting (and the amount of thought ive had to put into it). idk how @hotcheetohatredwastaken, @marcusdoodlesalot, and @wanderlustmagician do it with aus honestly XD its so taxing and i have a peanut brain.

the truth hangs bc again its a tear down build up fic where guess what, the heroes dont always win the battle. chosen by the goddesses or not, theyre still v human. courage only comes from fear. and even the one whos "conquered" his fear still has plenty skin in the game.

this is a longer answer than you wanted probably XD

i will say my writing has improved SO MUCH. i started writing seriously at 10 so its been *checks watch* nearly 17 years of writing. even in the last year ive made amazing strides in my writing. mostly in my composition and syntax, but also ive been messing with the meta via formatting a lot too!

i dont even like my own writing up until really like 2021 in essence XD even then its such a big difference in the last few years lmao

i would chalk this up to me picking up reading a lot more than i have in recent years since last spring. binging through all of heaven officials blessing, reading god knows how much fanfic, etc

good writers are good readers!

[princessdiaries333]

December goals + accountability post

୭ ❄️ ✧ ˚. ᵎᵎ 🎀

DRINK WATER

i seriously need to cut back on the amount of soda i’m drinking its so bad for me. my skin is suffering and ik water is super super beneficial, it will help me achieve all the rest of my goals !! my goal is to drink at least 4 bottles of water a day.

DONT PROCRASTINATE

i have so many things i need and want to do, i’ve been so swamped and drowning in school work i need to spend this winter break to get ahead and study. i also need to get my permit, it’s been almost a year since i turned 15 and im still putting it off. if i keep waiting i wont be able to get my license till im 17. i also really really wanna get a job. my goal is to study for all my classes to prepare for the new quarter and get my permit.

WORKOUT

i’m currently the lightest i’ve been in a long time but i’m not satisfied with how i look. i feel fatter than ever and it sucks because ive worked so hard to get to this point and i can’t enjoy it. i think the biggest reason i feel like this is because i haven’t been working out, over the summer i was working out every day and i was getting really toned. now I’ve lost weight but in not toned at all so it makes me feel like im bigger than i am cuz it’s all soft fat. my goal is to do pilates at least 5 times a week and try to go on walks every day.

EAT HEALTHY

i NEED to stop binging sm crap. i’m constantly eating junk food that doesn’t even fulfill me. most of the food i eat just makes me feel miserable right after. eating healthier will improve my general health but also my mental health and yk that’s great !! i also want to eat smaller portions because my mom always piles food onto my plate and forces me to eat the whole thing. so to avoid this and so i can be completely aware of what i’m putting in my body, my goal is to cook my own food and meal prep healthy and nutritious meals.

GET OFF THE PHONE

i want to spend more of my time doing things that make lasting and meaningful memories and help me grow instead of spending every hour of the day rotting in bed on my phone. i’ve been so busy with school i haven’t been able to finish any of my books so id like to dedicate some of this break to finishing those. i also want to go out with my friends and boyfriend more. my goal is to spend less time on my phone and more time doing things i enjoy and spending time with the people i love !!

ACADEMICS

i’ve been telling myself for so long that i’ll do a deep dive and fully research all things regarding college so i can build my game plan for the next 2 years. i’m a sophomore in high school so i want to know exactly where i want to go from here. i need to know what schools i want to go to, how to qualify for certain scholarships, what i want to major in, what are the best schools for my passions, how will i pay for it. there’s so much to find out and if i make my plan now i’ll save myself sm stress down the road. my goal is to set up a college plan and do thorough research for my future.

[streetscountbackward]

doing this challenge cz im bored (long post)

ignore the crap censoring i dont wanna get twordedddddd

day 1: your stats

5’5 and around 50kg right now :( lw was 49

day 2: how tall are you, do you like your height

my height is okay, could be worse but i wish i was 170cm+ instead of being a total manlet

day 3: a picture of your th1️���n$🅿️🅾️, what features do you like about this person

i saved these two on 📌terest the other day. theyve got muscle tone but are still noticeably pretty skinny which i like

day 4: your greatest fears about weight loss

my brain eating itself, having to quit running, refeeding syndrome/being hospitalised

day 5: why do you want to lose weight, are you doing it for you

i want to lose weight bcs im tired of being mad ugly and dont feel like i can be myself when im so fat. im doing it for me and for other people to like me 💯💯

day 6: do you binge, if so explain why you think you do

i binge because i get depressed and used to b/p but now i just try exercise it off. i dont binge super badly

day 7: do your parents know youre trying to lose weight? do they care?

they used to know i skipped meals but they got too suspicious so now i only skip lunch at school. theyre pretty oblivious to calories/what counts as restriction but my sister is on my ass about it sometimes

day 8: your workout routine

i run 25-30mins or do 30-35min interval runs three times a week. i go on a short walk every night. the other days it depends, most of the time i do flexibility stuff and those darebee workouts. usually only for 10-25 minutes. id like to workout way more but my family would definitely be able to hear me if i was doing like hour long hiit workouts in my room + the only ‘equipment’ i own is a set of dumbells

day 9: did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way

nothing to my face that i remember but i know theyre thinking it/people have said things behind my back

day 10: whats the hardest thing you gave up during this weight loss

idk not having an 34t1ng Đ1$0rd3r was pretty neat

day 11: your favourite th1️⃣n$🅿️🅾️ blog

not blogs but @/emothlnspo and @/dailymalespo_ on twt!!

day 12: what do you normally eat

ive been eating like shit atm so nvm that but; ideally my limit is 1270 and i prefer to stay under 950. i try eat high protein but im vegan so its hard😭😭. breakfast is usually <100kcal, then lunch is usually 20-200, then i eat dinner with my family (why my limit is a little high cause i have no say in what we eat).

day 13: are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way

im in a b/r cycle so im not losing weight or being healthy NEXT🚨🚨

day 14: whats your ugw, when do you expect to reach it

realistically: 35-38kgs, bmi 13s-14s ish?

unrealistically/if worse comes to worst: 26.8kg, bmi 9.9

i want to reach bmi 14 by this time next year atleast

day 15: are you vegan or vegetarian, if so has this helped you to lose weight

ive been vegetarian most of my life and only went vegan like 6 months ago. it definitely helps at times but theres a ton of vegan food around today so its not as useful as youd think necessarily 😭

day 16: when did you first decide to lose weight

i cant remember ever not wanting to lose weight

day 17: do you have an 3d

dont think i need to answer this one

day 18: what food is your weakness

sourdough + dried fruit + nuts 😭😭 theyre so gooooooood😭😭😭

day 19: when was the last time you ate fast food

YESTERDAY😭😭 it was only a salad from a fast food place tho

day 20: fav diet

high protein low everything else

day 21: what are your clothing sizes

i honestly dont know for jeans cause i always buy them bigger and just wear a belt but around w24 i think

otherwise xxs in fitted shirts usually and i think i fit a womens 6-8 (which is a USA 2-4 i think?). id probably fit a womens uk4 but ive never tried lolllllllll

day 22: what was your lowest weight, how and why did you gain

lw was 49kg and gained back to 50.8 cause someone was praying on my downfall idk

day 23: did the media play a role in you wanting to lose weight

duh

day 24: how do you feel about the terms pro-@n@ + pro-m1@

i think people dont know what they actually mean/where they came from. i say im not pr0 so i dont get sussed but really any 3d space is a pr0 space. i dont agree with promoting 3ds at all but i DO agree with having safe “pro-@|\|@“ spaces for people who have them

day 25: have you ever pvrg3d, if so describe your first experience

the first time i pvrg3d successfully was after my family got pizza. i stuck my fingers down my throat jumped up and down tried handsfree the whole shebang and eventually puked up most of it. had to scoop some of the lumps out of the shower drain and into the toilet. would not reccomend.

day 26: what excites you most about reaching your ugw

being skinny finally 🤤🤤

day 27: how do you deal with being around food

I DONT THATS WHY IM FAT

day 28: do you want a thigh gap, why

duh!!! i already have a tiiiinyyy one but i would love a big one. itd make me feel thin

day 29: your definition of beauty

i think everyone is beautiful especially if they are on the inside. for me though id like to be crazy skinny and toned (i would rather dieee than keep being skinnyfat i swear). clear skin, no stupid fat on my face and i wish my smile was different but i cant change that by losing weight so i guess im stuck. i kind of hate my eyebrows and my mouth. i think if my mouth was a little bigger and my eyebrows were a little lower id look okayish. is it weird to say i wish my teeth were smaller?? i have total bunny teeth. i wish my shoulders were wider and my eyes were less sunken in. etcetcetc

day 30: ten facts about you

1. im a natural blond even though i dye my hair darker

2. my dream job is to do music but that wont work out so either way i really want to make something of myself. i think id probably try go to medical school if i had the money.

3. ive never broken a bone except one or two toes

4. i want to travel the world some day but im scared of flying super far overseas and its expensive

5. i play guitar because i wanted to play drums but they were too loud and triple the price. im glad i couldnt play drums cause i like playing guitar now

6. my letterboxd top 4 are good will hunting, beautiful boy, ferris buellers day off, koyaanisqatsi

7. speaking of good will hunting, i love elliott smith

8. my favourite videogames are tony hawk pro skater and skyrim

9. i love lord of the rings and have done for like 8 years

10. im literally dogshit at both but i speak english and im learning two languages. ive been learning spanish for three years and polish for around three months

[melis-writes]

i need your cognizance … im kind of new to the al pacino fandom and ive binged watched his filmography in over 3 days and i LOOOOVED EVERYTHINGGGG but mostly just staring at his gorgeous faaaace (im rolling my eyes and biting my fist as i type this)😮‍💨🥵😩 but im rlly having trouble finding my footing with the elephant in the room … and that is him having a baby at his present age and dating a woman 50+ yrs his junior… like im in too deep now, i just watched his nypd episode and that’s how far ive already went😭(not complaining👀) but im also at this stage where idk what or how to feel about him doing that. obviously ive acquired an above-average-more-than-wikipedia knowledge about him (i like him a normal amount, trust me) and i won’t willfully overlook the fact that he’s kind of a womanizer and one that is commitment-phobe, so i guess him having new girlfriends isn’t out of the blue but to date someone THAT young? like that could be ur daughter😭 in fact his eldest daughter is a few yrs older than his current gf

anyway what im rlly trying to say is, i need u to weigh in on this and pls tell me ur opinion. ive read ur impressive work and it encouraged and inspired me to read the godfather as a book, and not just settle on watching it. and with that in mind i thought u were the right person to provide insight on this. as u can see i love al so much, im actually thinking of making myself a bday cake with his picture on it, similar to a pic i reblogged a few days ago, but im soooo conflicted on this. like i truly am. i know it’s bad to have parasocial relationships w celebrities (especially younger versions of themselves OMG) (but im rlly not i just love him sm and admire him) but im at this phase where im afraid that finding out more of his humanly desires would disappoint me? and yes ppl might say i shld avoid putting celebrities on a pedestal bc they rlly dont give a fuck abt who u are😵‍💫 and i would definitely love to be one of those ppl that could simultaneously admire a person for their achievements and recognize their kind behavior but also acknowledge their wrongdoings … but if i do that isn’t it kind of telling on my end, of my behavior and shaky moral compass😫? or, now that im in too deep, maybe im just trying to maintain this idealized version of him in my head and this is simply a reality i refuse to accept😭? bc honestly when the news broke out a lot of ppl were divided, with most responses pandering to eerie and just odd reactions, but a small minority claims a different take, along the lines of ‘if two consenting adults wanna make a family then why not’ and this rlly bugs me bc ??? apart from it being an awfully lazy analysis there’s just SOO much to unpack about this situation. like theres just way too many layers and there’s nuances too. one of the replies actually said men at the age of 60 should already be neutered to prevent from procreating ever again and why i kinda agree to it ?? 😶 like im so conflicted … like i rlly am … this is eating me out and consuming me i honestly dont know what to do.

anyway IM SO SORRY FOR THE RAMBLING AND FOR HOW LONG THIS WAS … im sorry for the overcomplication … pls take ur time in answering this im rlly sorry id rlly appreciate ur stance on this … I LOVE UR WORK SO MUCH IT KEEPS ME SANE. especially with the gifs🥰🥰🥰🥰 bc of u i still get to fuel my indulgences. THANK YOU

Ah my dear, welcome to the Pacino fandom, first of all. 🤣❤️ We Pacino girlies welcome you with open arms here lmao I know exactly how that intense ass Pacino brainrot can hit and how hard too. 🥵

You're right first of all about the fact that there's a lot to unpack beyond the "it's two consenting adults in a relationship" piece but here's the thing, it's not meant for us to unpack. At the end of the day, all we can do is hear news, gossip and read articles about Al's relationship and this and that but we don't know how much of it is actually true and what's really going on, and we can't know. It really has nothing to do with any of us, and those two don't care what the public think either. It's Al and his gf's private life and judging on how shit broke out, they seem to have a lot more to worry about on their plate than anyone else's reactions.

Al is basically a womanizer from what I've read lmao. He always really has been and I know things obviously changed when he got older but an early article that came out saying Al and his gf are dating mentioned the age gap doesn't bother either of them and his gf has dated men around the same age and even older than Al. This is their personal and private life, after all. Men can have children at a very old age, this is just how science works lmao although it can be baffling at 80+, it's still a thing. From what the gossip online says, it looks like this was an unplanned thing and Al isn't doing so good. He doesn't seem to be jumping over the moon about everything from what I read either. I think this is hard for him, tbh.

And some people may think it's weird someone as old as Al is still having sex but given his track record, I'm not surprised at all lmao. To avoid disappointment from celebrity parasocial relationships and putting them on pedestals, you need to come to an understanding that you're also recognizing and putting up (in a way) their flaws on that pedestal too. Al is not a perfect human being, nobody is, but he isn't out here trying to be perfect or live up to anyone else's definitions either nor should he.

I love that you admire and love Al like the rest of us, but you also need to come to an understanding about the things he's done or said or whatnot that you don't agree with or necessarily like. He's just a human being at the end of the day, it's so complex. Don't think too hard on it, because everyone has their flaws and mistakes and as we recognize this, we can still love them for the great things they do. That's really the only thing you need to do.

I think the fandom as a whole looked way too far into this man's personal life. It does not effect us whatsoever and it's honestly none of our business. Al doesn't owe us anything and he's not trying to be a role model to us; we shouldn't be this held up about his personal life. I know it can be hard not to care, but sometimes all you need to do is acknowledge it, accept it, and move on.

I would also recommend reading the biography "A Life on The Wire" by Andrew Yule. It has a lot about Al's life from early days, to romance, to his personality and everything inbetween. It's seriously extremely detailed and gives you a whole new insight on just who that man is!

Feel however your heart wants to feel. You don't have to get held up in Al's personal life like others or form a strong opinion just because someone else has. Something like this doesn't need to stop you from admiring what a phenomenal actor Al is and how he's a fine ass man too. 😭

[starlostseungmin]

ATE KEISY 😇✌️ i just binged ur works i missed over my hiatus hihi and i want to say that i loved them all !!! i think i only have empyrean prince cascades left cause its a bit long, so i decided to save it for my bedtime story today or tomorrow

but ate. lie to me.... it was so good 😭😭😭 YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW I MUCH I PHYSICALLY REACTED READING IT???? jaw dropped. its such an interesting read, like i dont think ive been this excited over a story structure in so long AND I LITERALLY HAD WRITING CLASSES FOR TWO SEMESTERS LIKE I WAS SO INVESTED IN READING IT

i dont think ive ever read a fic structured like that before? i mean ive encountered similar stuff but not in fics ... overall im just hyped at it ur so big brain ily and i love your works and i love your writing and its so huhuhuhu i cant stop thinking about it !!!! my other reactions on the story are in my reblog tags but still i think i'll keep that fic in my mind a lot (kinda wanna do smth like it too... ur so my inspiration coded)

OMG!! hi cielle! i'm currently reading your other feedbacks and i'm so happy you love my works. there are only a few since i haven't been so consistent with my writing after graduation hsksksk tbh i'm entertained (hard on that kauyabon core because me too TT) i'll reply to the rest in a bit.

i hope you enjoy empyrean prince cascades tho! it's one of my favorite fics and it took me weeks to write it! i know it's pretty short for a 10k-worth of words to write in weeks, i was so busy when i wrote it and i had to squeeze in during my work days HAHAHA and please take your time reading the story. it's kinda long tho 🥹

AAAH yes lie to me.. i wrote that fic for like a day or two days before the deadline for the collab? i forgot, i was also occupied that time. kdramas influenced me on writing that too and there was a song that was assigned to me to be able to make a story out of it! yung story sana eh masaya na sila sa piling ng iba chuchu but then i realized, cheating will make sense so i had to write it with that. i just finished my thesis that time too so maybe nadala ko yung pagsusulat ng thesis namin sa fic na yan? believe me i don't really have experience to these romance and cheating stuff, i just wrote what i see in other people talaga HAHAHAHA and lie to me felt like a rushed fic that time?? i didn't know it would turn out to be good for the readers since i wasn't confident with the result but thank you for your warm feedback cielle! and lucky you for having writing classes tho, i envy you!

thank you so much for appreciating me and my work even though sometimes my brain is not working properly. i just write whatever the hell my brain tells me and i hope i have a big brain to cater everything that i want to write! maybe soon, more future works to come HEHEHE i have an upcoming seungmin and chan fic this month sooo i just hope it will turn out good.

you flatter me cielle! i can't thank you enough 😭🩷

[madisonrooney]

Hi yes hi hello, your Secret Santa has returned! Hopefully you'll get to do more stuff with your parents this month :) I'm going to be very busy seeing all kinds of family in the coming weeks, please lend me some vibes that are good if possible💀 Aside from that, happy Alchemical P1 release! (Screams) !! Now that you've spent a few days with the new tracks, how are you feeling? I'm quite taken with the new stuff but my top I think remain Sand and Lethal Woman⏳ Speaking of music, sorry to pile on multiple questions, but what are your favorite songs to come from Disney Channel projects?? Have an excellent day! - GCWCA Secret Santa

good vibes are sent lol

i really like lethal woman and sand possibly even more. i dont tend to gravitate to the sadder stuff but its just so beautifully done.

as ive said, i do not claim white glove bc im a mostly sex-repulsed ace lol, but i like the other ones a lot and roughly on the same level as one another. maybe ill have a more decisive ranking later on but as of now ill put them at gods game, fragile things, and still, tho theyre all very close. like sand, theyre all somber but still have a beauty to them, which sounds like what she was going for. i have learned i need to limit my listening of them or they make me too sad tho lol.

firstly ill direct you to this playlist i made lol

as far as shows - ofc anything from l&m but my fav is say hey (and gotta give it to froyo yolo) - same for hm, plus that has a lot more songs lol, my fav is rock star - i was thinking about make it happen from wizards when i was in the shower for some reason lol. that slaps and its sad its not on streaming (sure streaming wasnt a thing when the episode premiered but singles were) - WE DONT CARE FROM TVOVV. and to a lesser extent this is where the partys at and a place for everyone, but especially we dont care. that was my #2 song of the year lol. - i dont talk much about my shake it up phase but it did happen. i got two soundtracks from it at disneyland shortly after i finished binging it and i listened to them a ton that summer. my favs were blow the system, beat of my drum, and bring the fire. - THE KC UNDERCOVER THEME SONG. show biases aside, this is my all time fav theme song as i have mentioned in the discord before. it has no right going as hard as it does - partial to step up from the lodge bc dove - let me make you proud and ready as ill ever be from tangled the series bc varian best boy

id ask you the same question but it might give you away lol, unless you have any answers not tied to major favs of yours i.e. me with keep it undercover. your call.

broader question, have you been up to anything fun since we last talked?

[grasslandgirl]

oh damn uh top 5 fics you’ve written or top 5 cot3 fics you’ve read. you can do both if you want just thought i’d offer options

tysm anon!!! embarassing confession moment i have NOT read many cot3 fics yet- and by "not many" i mean i've only read faun and casey's fics that they've written and only those because i edited them skfvjnfksjbn IM SORRY. IVE BEEN MEANING TO BINGE READ BC SO MANY OF THEM LOOK GOOD <///3 ive just had a brain block about it thus far but i WILL deep dive into the tag soon and i have a bunch all saved to my marked for later that will be the first i read <33

anyway. top five fics ive written. aa help !! this is so hard ive written so many ksfjnkfsjb (im gonna limit myself to fics ive Posted so i dont start talking abt niche dna fics or charlieverse or noble pining even more than i already do ksjfnb-)

[in no particular order]

if i only could make a deal with god (i'd get him to swap our places) (aka slasher <3) [slasher movie au. fantasy high/d20. fig & gorgug centric] -- this fic is so special to me. its one of the clearest, most thematically concise and effective works i think i've ever written, i think it's emotionally devastating and just what i wanted it to be when i sat down possessed by some horror writing spirit to write it fskjbnskfb it's so special to me forever <3

you could have my heart (and I would break it for you) [by jamie @gilears and myself. fantasy high/d20. fig/gorgug.] -- the original jamsav figgorgug fic <3 the fic from which figgorgugaversary day originates from and it's so special to me forever <3 we brainmelded and wrote it together and it's crazy and clean and soosooooo dear <33 it just makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside when i think about and reread it xoxox

that was my heart, the drums that start off night and day [cafe/bookstore meet cute au. fantasy high/d20. fig/ayda.] -- wrote this as a gift fic for a dear friend even before they became a dear friend and i just think the pacing and characterization in it is so lovely and fun and it has some wonderful fig and gorgug bandmate bffship <33

the answer to an unspoken question [get together. leverage. eliot/parker/hardison.] -- they are so <3 i think my characterization and voices for them are just. spot on in this and it's such an indulgent thing to reread which i do Frequently <3

and it's warm and real and bright [kid fic. the unsleeping city/d20. sofie/dale.] -- kisses to asher @myclericalromance forever for the inspo this fic drew from <3 i just think hot single dad dale is so fun and the kid oc grace is really special to me because i drew a lot of inspiration from my dear baby cousin when i was writing this so <333

honorable metions: it's friday i'm in love (my ace riz/ anti fabriz spite fic with bonus figgorgug). darling i'd wait for you even if you didn't ask me to (grepre keiko fic for casey @aberfaeth 's birthday last year <3 so silly and fun). i've waited and watered my heart til it grew (a jonmartin magnus archives scottish honeymoon get together fic that is sooooo toothrotting). and what it's like to shine (my eldonado american vandal/stardust au ksjfvnkb <3)

xoxoxoxox tysm for the ask anon!!!

feel free to send me other "top five ___" asks !!

[lousybren]

ive never watched any indiana jones movie

but since theres a new one coming out i thought about binging them all to see if i like the saga enough to go to the theater

these are some of my disjointed thoughts as i watch them. there was a lot of oooh so thats where thats quote/meme is from

lost ark.

its set in the 30s?? if youd ask me id have guessed 60/70s. wait he steals artifacts from other cultures to sell to museums???? i thought he was like a big hero jgdfjhggjh. marion started lowkey as a badass but by the end she was like all over the place,,, was it the trauma. she couldnt catch a breath and kept screaming all the while. man shallam was right, not a single brain between all these nazis. indiana's little grunts are so funny. locations are cool but theres like a million extras, this must have been kinda hell to film. id seen a total of three scenes from this movie: the idol and boulder, the ark lightning up, and this man just shooting sword guy because the actor was tired or something. also interesting way to end the movie lmao

temple of doom.

a lot of screaming. again. dont drink from that cup what if its poison. it was poison. stop flexing just get on with the job and go!! hubris is gonna kill this guy the moment his luck runs out. dude you bring your women to like the worst(best) places. i dont recognize like anything from this one, other than the hat under the sliding door scene which i hadnt seen the og before. oh dear theres. more torture and gore and stuff that i would have thought, this one is raw. shorty makes the whole thing worthy tbh. not taking the shit to the museum CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT??

last crusade.

oohhh backstory time. daddy issues,,,,, should have known. ah theres the 'woman' character for this movie. she also screams quite a bit but this time shes a baddie. obviously sus looking guy: dont trust anyone. jones: bet * forgets this immediately*. not nazis agan jeez. the scene with the fire in the castle is hilarious tho. so far this is the funniest one, henry jones is a hoot and a half. oh thats. thats just petra lol. the cup scene i do remember somehow must have seen it back in the day when i had a tv. theres a solid ghost there its cool

now that i think about it i feel there wasnt really a resolution to the 'we never talked' issue. not really

crystal skull.

heard theres aliens in this one. still being kicked around i see, whens this man gonna retire. is that cate blanchett with an accent. i like the time period we're in, nice aes. interesting we get a boy companion now, hope he doesnt scream too much. 'i got stung by a huge scorpion!!' me: 'youll be fine the bigger the better'. indy 2 seconds later: 'the bigger the better' me: :D!! oh shit marion is here. mutt is HIS SON??? indy: 'all these women had something in common' me: '...they werent you?' indy: 'they werent you' me: :D!! oh man these action sequences are so ridiculous and go on forever lmao. what. what were these people doing inside the walls and columns, just waiting for intruders?? oh shit alien corpses. anyway this mac dude gonna get killed so hard. gurl all the knowledge ever is like, too much, its gonna kill you. aaaaaaaand it just did. i can excuse an alien ship being buried underground for millenia but i draw the line at these two dumbasses marrying after all, like whats the point of getting married sigh (im bias). i do like that there being aliens was never questioned too much by the characters. i appreciate this a lot

it just dawned on me that one of the boxes in area 51 broke and showed the ark from movie 1 and it was never acknoweleged in the rest of the film. huh

wilhelm scream count: 5 minimum

[olivieraa]

I went to bed really upset last night

I think there was a variety of factors that made me into a bit of an emotional mess after finishing attack on titan

Its like "its just an anime" or "its just a show"

Firstly, it was the anime/show that's been in my life the longest. 2013-2023. I associate a lot of my tumblr posts with the show. I called any character Kaji Yuki voiced in any other anime 'Eren' for fun. My time watching the first season is so vivid to me. I remember so much about analysing this show, and talking about it with friends.

Secondly, due to my OCD, the O stands for obsessive, and that connects to a lot of things, but its extremely hard to get me out of my Obsessive mode. I actually planned to make this rewatch last a couple of months. I was like "ah yeah Ive seen season 1 three or four times so its not gonna be that entertaining watching it again, I'll try watch a few a day". ...That didn't happen. I dont know why or how, but season 1 felt v different to me. I still got chills, I still got shocked when something happened, I would finish an ep and have the urge to scream from the adrenaline that went through me when something intense happened before a cliffhanger, almost as if I didnt know what was gonna happen next.

The reason I put off watching the show immediately after it ended is bc I'm aware this happens to me and its hard to get out of it. In my head I thought my obsessive nature wouldn't come around until I got to season 3 which I hadn't seen before and I thought I'd get to season 3 by mid-January. But from the absolute get-go, it kicked in, and from 7pm on the 21st of Dec to 4am on 26th of Dec, I binged the absolute fuck out of the show, taking breaks to do essential things like eat and shower. I barely slept.

So needless to say, I've only just come back to reality.

Third, I'm emotional af. Stories impact me on a really high scale, and I start to get stomach aches and chest pains bc of it. Esp if the story is magnificent. I finished that show last night and when I saw "The end", I was still crying, I hurt all over, and I just happened to be lucky that a friend who has seen it (and shockingly, doesn't watch anime) replied back to me and we talked about for a little bit. It helped to rant it out a bit but my sleep deprivation caused me to make so many typos and I officially had to sleep, which was hard, due to the chest pains.

And fourth, I believe what I just watched was perfection. To ever rewatch the show again, I'll see everything differently. Everything. The first 5 seconds of the show will be different. And when I'd had that realisation, I started crying again.

Like, I'm thinking of moments in the show that are literally just "characters swinging around and slashing titans" which is what the show was first known for, and now I'll be thinking "holy shit, these scenes have a bigger significance than you realise".

And for a show that's not about romance, the romantic tragedy that ties it all together, is what got me more than anything.

If this show gave off a vibe that the creator never knew where he was going with it, then I dont think it would be as impactful. As someone who loves Stranger Things, not everything ties up perfectly. And maybe the creators had an idea of their ending and then had to figure out how to get there, but it doesn't show. I've a feeling that by the end of that show, I'll be thinking that they ran through different drafts for their ending and finally settled on one and brought back a few tiny moments from the other seasons that ties it in and boom, done.

But almost every moment of attack on titan comes full circle, to the extreme point that I believe he wrote this whole thing out, almost every millimetre of it, and then released it at a specific pace up until recent years, and then obviously the anime adapted it. Yes he could have made slight changes along the way like "I originally wanted this character to say this line but changed it to this character cause it was more fitting" or something like that, but nothing that would really change anything about the direction he was heading with it.

Do I regret binging it? Yes, bc I have loads to do that I now have get stuck into with v little breaks (SnK was SUPPOSED to be my breaks), but also, mainly, bc I felt like I was there. Like when you're away from home for a month and you come back and everything feels weird and sorta wrong. So that's a learning lesson to myself. Never binge again.

Last time I did that was with Succession, but I'm just lucky that Obsessive mode kicked in about 20 eps in (so the first 20 I watched one a day), and so when Obsessive mode came in, it was for the second set of 20 episodes).

Unlike SnK where I watched almost 100 eps in 5 days :')))

Anway, I'll be thinking about this fucking show for a while, especially Eren. Especially Eren. He's just too complex, and I like to analyse, and that's some long analysation.

Also Mikasa and Levi impacted me too (Hange is my girl tho).

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, I'm glad I wrote this out. My thoughts are going through my head way too fast for my typing to keep up so I've had to slow down my thoughts and so my breathing is a little better this time around lmao

I'ma miss this show, and I look forward to the day I rewatch it and take every speckle of the show in again. Knowing my ass, it'll be on my next break which is sooner than I'd like it to be, cause I know what my addictive obsessive ass is like. Ugh, I'm a wreck

[tomboyyyaoi]

hmm ed/dysphoria/dysmorphia tw i just need to talk abt this somewhere, just general body insecurity issues ahead

summer gets so hard for me coz i really really struggle with my weight, body dysmorphia, dysphoria and it doesnt help ive also noticed my posture getting worse (ive basically got a hump in my neck and its really making my insecurity issues worse)

ive had a bit of weight gain recently which i thought id recovered enough to be okay with but im really not, the main issue being its really noticable at my chest, it also doesnt help my posture is abysmal so it really only serves to make me feel worse about myself and feel more insecure in clothes that are loose around the neck, i thought i was okay being my bigger self but god ive fallen down a bit, ive been eating healthier (much needed since ive been unemployed and going out less) and ive really enjoyed it but ive been eating like shit and feeling like shit the past few weeks n it doesnt help my mum took a video yesterday which im basically front and centre in and god. my posture, my double chin, my face has never looked rounder it was awful, i cried, ive never felt such a disconnect between my brain and body, it made me really dysphoric too, i didnt think i looked like that.

ive been in a hoodie all day despite sweating my ass off, i cant take it off without thinking about my boobs and neck and posture, i feel terrible, i really thought i was doing better than this.

the problems less so that i look fat its that i look feminine when i get bigger, i can only think abt being this cute round little girl and its not me anymore, i dont wanna feel tied to that, i know its so unrealistic for me to ever be skinny but if i could just look a bit more androgynous, my chest isnt exactly small enough to get good binding results, its just really putting me back in the mindset i was in when i was at the peak of my ed in high school on this vicious cylce of starving myself then binge eating, i cant go back to that, i dont wanna go thru that again, but i can feel it creeping up on me and im really scared

ive also been really stressed about my birthday coming up where my mum gets all sentimental and embarrasses us by putting baby pics up everywhere and she absolutely does not respect how deeply insecure it makes me (she insists our birthdays are equally for her as they are for us which, i guess, but still) im just terrified to have so many eyes on me while im at a really bad place with my insecurities rn, im just really having a bad one