#i dont want to try anymore with people especially if they shower others with love and i'm left in the gutter forgotten

[alwayslcyal]

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[bucketspammer4life]

hondo & sandman angst and fluff hcs!!

request by @wierdlesbian!!!

hcs below the cut!!

Fluff

they often do paralel play (basically doing different things around each other) a whole lot

hondo knows how to crochet (im not spelling that right 99%) and makes cute little plushies whenever hes sad

they communicate by silly drawings, whenever sandman is mad at him for something silly (i.e not cleaning up the shower after using it, forgetting the milk outside the fridge) he'll doodle his chibi-self with a pissed off face

hondo usually makes tea for sandman after workouts, in return sandman makes him some smoothies since hondo doesnt eat enough fruit

sandman & hondo cant exercise together due to them constantly making jokes around each other and leaving themselves out of breath by trying to exercise & make jokes at the same time

Hondo will buy sweets everytime he goes to the store because he knows sandman has a sweet tooth and nothing is worse than a sweet tooth left without sugar

Angst

Since both of them cant really express affection & are also direct people they have outright asked each other "are you forcing yourself to be happy around me?" And "do you not love me?" multiple times

both of their parents dont approve their relationship and since theyre family oriented people that hurts them a whole lot, all they wanted was to have their family be glad they found someone they love

both of them cant apologize to save their lives & theyre not willing to use the fruit bowl apology so they end up writing apology notes to each other that have sentences like "i understand if you wanna break up with me." And "its okay if you dont wanna be with me anymore."

Both of them isolate themselves when theyre angry & sad, but they still see each other in the house so they just make really sad eye contact with both of their faces red from crying & eyes puffy from all that, especially after tough arguments

After bad arguments they cant bear to see each other, they just break into tears

[mushroom-ooooooooooooooo]

This is like...sooo tmi so if you see me on a daily basis like,,,irl. Like at school. Pls dont read this.

Cw: weird mental health stuff/ me talking about low motivation

So basically its the time of year where my body just shuts down. My bones feel like lead, it takes forever for me to get out of bed, and I just generally feel like crap. I love winter but the physical toll its taking on me this year is actually driving me wild. I woke up this morning and genuinely couldn't move my arm for 10 minutes because my bones just feel so heavy. And my joints are getting worse too. I can hear my ankles and knees popping every single time I walk, but especially when I walk upstairs. And most of my classes are upstairs at school. And my immune system also gets weaker, and because of that my psoriasis gets worse. I literally just go to school and then rest.

And thats a problem because my parents both have a physical disability. So all the chores go onto me. But guess who can't do them because I'm fucking depressed and in physically pain constantly? Me. My back constantly seizes up and i literally needed my dads help throwing taking the trash out the other day. I can barely stand long enough to do a "simple" load of dishes. (Simple meaning one for the deep clean we do of our kitchen every 3 months. Its gross. I wish they would rinse their dishes out.)

And all of this is affecting my mental health really badly. This probably sounds gross but I'm just now taking a shower. Its been 3 weeks. And I know its not their fault, but one of my friends made an off-handed comment one day and that made me feel a million times worse. And I've been really snappy lately and I feel so bad about it constantly. And my mom and I think I was misdiagnosed with ptsd because I dont exhibit any symptoms and honestly never did. Autism and ptsd share symptoms and I just dont think I have ptsd from whats happened in my past. And my brother also thinks he may be autistic. Autism also runs in our family, so...yeah.

I also feel like shit because I haven't been taking as good care of our cats as I should be. I love them and want to see them happy, but my parents also refuse to help clean their litter boxes. And thats the big thing I struggle with. And one of our cats has been doing their business on the floor. No matter how many times we clean it up,she still does it. And its really irritating, but i also think she just...cant get into the box. She's like...12-13 and I've been trying to get my parents to buy better things for the cats. We have 4. And we dont even have a cat tree for them. And my cats love climbing. They would have so much fun crawling on a cat tree. And I cant do anything about it because im a highschool student who cant even get a job. I don't even have my drivers learners permit yet.

And that's another thing!! I honestly think my parents are done parenting. My brother went off to college, and everything fell onto me. And like I understand that my parents work hard and that they're older (mom is 54 almost 55 and dad is 52 almost 53) and they need to rest but god damn. Im still a child. Most people arent the sole cleaner, cooker, and pet caretaker. Most people my age don't make grocery lists for their parents. Most kids my age focus on their part-time jobs and school. They actually did stuff before my brother went to college. I just want them to understand how I feel about it. I like cooking and I dont mind cleaning, but it becomes a problem when im the only one doing it. And yeah, I get $50 in allowance every month, and I'm grateful that my parents are able to afford to give me that much, but my mom always pulls the "we give you allowance for chores,". Chores is things like un/loading the dishwasher, taking the trash out, cleaning litter boxes, making bed, ect. Not cleaning the entire trainwreck of a kitchen by yourself and trying to make sure the floor is clean before your friend comes over for the first time in months. They're not parenting anymore, and it makes me upset. I feel like im just a random person in their house. Genuinely, my mom spends more times working on her acrylic nails than actually parenting. And she wonders why I get so irritated with her. She says hi to the cat before she does me.

And I don't even know if my dad likes me anymore. I think im just another financial burden to them. Im just a depressed high schooler with chronic illness who can't even go to school everyday. I feel so useless. I dont even know if I want to go to college. I don't even know how I have friends. I'm not a nice person. I get mean and defensive really easily, and my teasing turns mean really quickly.

I don't know why I am this way. Am I cursed? Is someone even reading this? All I do is shut people out and listen to music. I don't know why I became so rude. I just want to be remembered. But at the same time, I don't think I'm worth remembering. I'm not exceptional at anything. Even my once okayish writing has gone down greatly. I used to get praise for my reading skills and now I can't even read a 300 page book.

I feel so gross and useless and im depressed. How worse can it get? Im also extremely paranoid. I constantly feel like people are judging my every move. Even when im alone in the shower. I still feel people watching me. I should've probably told my therapist about that when I was still in therapy but my dumbass didn't even think to talk about that. Just that oh i saw my friend. Oh i started public school again. You know what? No one cares. And I probably wasted my therapists time. And my dads. Having to drive me across houston just to see her. No wonder no one likes me. Im fucking irritating. Thats why I have 3 friends at school. And 3 friends out of school. And one of them doesn't talk to me anymore, and another lives out of city.

The other is wonderful and amazing and I want them to constantly be happy and comfortable but I cant do that at my house because my parents don't help. Im starting to realize im kind of like a live in cleaner. Thats all I ever do in my freetime. Cleaning up after my parents. My mom acts like shes 15 and my dad doesn't rinse his dishes.

Thats another thing. Along with them not really parenting anymore, I think they've given up on me. Specifically on trying to get me to school. I miss school about once a week to once every couple weeks because I have bad flare ups. As I'm typing this, I can feel my legs aching. It hurts. And it makes it hard for me to go to school like that. The last time I did my back starting seizing during UIL rehearsals. And I couldn't leave. But today was one of those days and I genuinely felt like crap. My dad just agreed and didn't argue. Normally he argues with me about it because "I need to suck it up and do what the rest of us do.". I understand that everyone hurts and has bad days, but I genuinely get so bad during those days. And everyday has been one of those days for the last 6 months. But my parents don't really discipline me. They don't track my every move. They dont even make grocery lists anymore. Or really go to the store often. But our fridge and pantry is filled with a bunch of junk. Leftovers, empty foods that need to be thrown away, and literally so much more.

My mom is also a hoarder and constantly buys new things for herself. Like with her nail stuff. Im glad shes got something going for her outside of work, but why does she need 50 different glitters? I guess one could argue that im the same way with paints, but I dont leave my paints all over the living room area. And she literally has so much clothing. And most of it is on her floor. Its almosy unwalkable and I constantly stumble in her room. And our garage is filled with mostly her stuff. Clothes, old books, even her teacher stuff. Why does she have so much??

It irritates me because she'll say she doesn't have money for something, such as a cat tree, but then buy like...$200 worth of clothes and makeup at walmart, when we could've bought groceries and a cat tree with that. She just...irritates me idk.

Anyways, yeah. I think this is long enough for now. Goodmorning, goodnight, good...whatever idfk. Remember to drink water and eat something.

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

17 April 2023 monDay lunes getsuyoubi 10:47 pmpdt

incubus attacked me with a big smelly 👃 nasty 😷 bomb 💣 while I was in the shower 🚿 and I had diarrhea so it was not great. He didn’t like me disagreeing with him about the car 🚗 situation. But I argue, why show me you control me subconsciously to pick a specific parking spot next to a 🚗 car of similar color? And show the choreography of same colored cars coming together in traffic? If you didn’t want me to think 💭 we were friends? And that any subconscious thought 💭 I had was Bcz you wanted me to think 💭 it? Only to turn around to fake me out? That’s sh*tty. So naturally me thinking 💭 he would stop 🛑 the pedestrian 🚶‍♂️ for me was probably originally from him. So he did it so I would be in a weird situation? Set me up 🆙 to fail????????!!!!!!! Not cool 😎!!!! You’re so not cool 😎!!!!! Otherwise, DONT show me!!!! So I won’t be manipulated into thinking the wrong thing!!!!! 10:54 pmpdt incubus is NOT cool 😎. Especially after that move in the bathroom 🚽. Awful. 😞😫😖😭 right shoulder pain 😖😢 nausea 10:55 pmpdt I will never drive again. I think I’m missing half a brain 🧠 possibly!!!! So I’m in a losing position in reality. He wants what he wants. And he doesn’t care by what means he gets it. 10:56 pmpdt 10:57 pmpdt

11:48 pmpdt incubus and Scott simply put they’re not nice. He could have been nice about it but I believe he likes to prey on people who have addiction problems. Alcoholic anonymous people would probably know best. Know to stay away from David Scott cano. 11:50 pmpdt all women should stay away from him, too. 11:50 pmpdt Bcz he comes from privilege so they aren’t going to see things the same way we do Bcz they probably didn’t have it as rough? 11:51 pmpdt they probably have everything! Stuff that a lot of people don’t. 11:52 pmpdt so I don’t think they truly are sympathetic/empathetic. They fake it. 11:52 pmpdt

11:54 pmpdt I admitted I was wrong to do what I did. But some reason my mind went that way to thinking 💭 he was going to do me favors so that’s why he showed me what he showed me. Wishful thinking 💭 too much. 11:55 pmpdt stupid.

12:01 am pdt 18 April 2023 Tuesday I think 💭 I can’t think of any special reason that I would owe Q my life. She didn’t set me up 🆙 with the love 💗 of my life. I don’t recall her saving my life. She wasn’t sympathetic when I told her I had s*x with Scott. Automatically she said it was my fault. I don’t think 💭 I told her (pain sharp right shoulder 12:05 am pdt) any details when she decided to tell me that. And she admitted to me after we had s*x? That she didn’t date him Bcz her mom said don’t date guys who wear hats 🧢. To which I replied stupidly what if they have a bald spot and their head is cold 🥶? Defensively probably Bcz I knew some people who wore hats 🧢 for that reason. Scott had a lot of hair so he wore it probably for fashion? Or maybe some other reason. 12:08 am pdt I should have took it more seriously when she said that. I was stupid. 12:09 am pdt as in more analytical 🧐.

12:40 am pdt I get it now! Incubus was trying to copy me! With what happened with Scott! Bcz he’s his bro 😎! It was revenge!!!! Bcz Scott blames me for us having s*x, and I had told him “I don’t think we should be doing this” that’s like the incubus saying stuff last minute trying to tell me that I should not go hinting he wasn’t going to stop 🛑 the pedestrian 🚶‍♂️ for me. It’s almost mirrored!!! Incubus was setting me up 🆙 to fail as revenge! For his bro 😎 Scott! WOW. That’s dirty!!!!! NOT Cool 😎. 12:45 am pdt incubus punished me in the bathroom 🚽 for a thought 💭 I had so I’m not sure 🤔 if I should repeat 🔁 it he ate the inside of my head with acid again. 12:46 am pdt 12:47 am pdt. Incubus definitely sides with Scott. That’s why he is eating my brain 🧠 with acid. So I think 💭 I’m not going to ask anyone for help anymore bcz it’s futile. I already told a doctor 👨‍⚕️ on the phone ☎️ but I already wrote it here he decided to pretend he didn’t understand so there’s no order? For the things he said he was going to do. I think 💭 it’s Bcz I mentioned Scott and he took offense to it. Maybe 🤔 they’re friends but he wouldn’t say???? It’s hard to take care of myself. Doctors 🥼 ignored it and when they don’t they try to walk all over me. 12:51 am pdt they scare me. Incubus is scaring me saying I should not say that. You made me scared 😟 to talk about Scott and now look 👀 at me. I’m dying 😵 and he knew it was going to happen. Incubus also made me scared 😱 after I wrote about (cramps 😖😣😭😞 12:53 am pdt) right hip bone 🦴 pain) solar panels (left rib pain 12:54 am pdt $ in airplane ✈️ windows 🪟 inside. 😱 what is going to happen?? Is it a bad design. 12:55 am pdt I’m not an engineer 👷‍♀️. 12:56 am pdt 😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😫😞

Le <-incubus? 8:56 am pdt

heart ♥️ pain minute ago. Probably going to have heart ♥️ failure 😞 by the time they’re done ✅ taking bone 🦴 while I’m alive. They have already stabbed it/inserted things and burned 🔥 it. Exhaling hot 🥵 air 8:58 am pdt. It’s not nice 🧸 toying with me with false promises. Autocorrect: gal falling. 8:59 am pdt it was a lie. They’re all d*cks and *ssholes. Last year I thought 💭 they stole my panties and returned a few after I thought 💭 it. Now extra toothbrushes 🪥 are missing and they made me afraid 😱 to use my new one I started using. They’re setting me up 🆙 again to fail. Real bad people they are. To clarify more of what I started writing ✍️: incubus showing me he controls traffic and my thoughts 💭 to control me into parking nxt to a car 🚗 not consciously realizing the decision I was making until I started? Decided? To park nxt to car 🚗 of similar color, that’s like me kissing 😽 Scott and rubbing my butt into his crotch. And then for me to say we should not have s*x is the incubus equivalent of being in my thoughts 💭 a head voice that almost blended into my other thoughts 💭 but it did strike 🪧 me as strangely slightly different Bcz if it’s strength? Timing ⏱? Content? But he did not come out and say this is me I am god talking to you 9:08 am pdt he’s threatening to cut off my legs 🦵 now with accidentally typing 💬 8:08-> bob. For him to say but what if you should not? I forgot the exact words but it was words that probably should have stopped me but I rebuttaled “god will stop 🛑 him so he will let me through.” But the head voice rebuttaled my rebuttal. Am I using this word right? 9:12 fart 💨 (accidentally typed 9:11)(acid throat pain 9:13 am pdt). And then without waiting for verbal permission on without condom and without any prior reply from him on what if I get pregnant 🤰? He inserts w/o condom and I yell again I don’t think 💭 we should be doing this! As he pumped in out into me. This was incubus revenge for me getting angry 😤 at Scott for the s*x w/o protection and for it entirely (left butt cheek burning 🔥 feels sting 🐝 of acid too 8:17 9:17 am pdt) this is so you know incubus Adam Noah Levine is an a sshole and a dick and Scott is the same as him. It’s not a con. They set me up 🆙 to die. I’m dying 😵 now. That’s who they really are. So now you know. 8:18 8:19 9:19 am pdt

9:22 am pdt Scottservo@aol.con com 9:23 am pdt servo has to do with control/slavery. 9:23 am pdt taking advantage of people with addiction problems. Etc.

what is it that incubus do so kings can continue to do “kingly” things? So they don’t have to fear consequences from rape? 10:11 am pdt

7:55 pmpdt 7:56 I am in the wrong 😑 for doing what I did. Drive safe always. Don’t be desperate. Don’t make stupid decisions. I should not have went to that bank 🏦. I put myself in a stupid vulnerable position for a stupid reason. A reason I wish I never had. Why why why (right shoulder bone 🦴 pain. 7:59 pmpdt 8 pmpdt

[spir1tfar3r]

— terushima, sakusa, komori, aone, futakuchi, and daishou seeing you in their jersey

reblogs are appreciated <3

❀ Terushima- He had hinted that he wanted you to wear his jersey but he didn’t really expect you to actually wear it. Terushima has let you have some of his hoodies, his jacket, and even some of his shirts but for whatever reason, he just never expected that you’d be comfortable enough wearing that. Kind of smug about it and definitely bragging to his team that his s/o is wearing his jersey. Like them seeing you in one of his clothes wasn’t a daily occurrence. Almost shaking from excitement because he’s so happy that you’re wearing the jersey. The moment the game ends and after thanking the people for coming, he is running to you and hugging you so tightly. “You’re wearing my jersey!! You look so good!!!”

❀ Sakusa- Oh,,,, boy,,,, Sakusa doesn’t necessarily mind if you wear his clothes, but he’s personally never gave you any of the things you’ve worn that were his. He saw you pretty quickly, giving you a look that was questioning why you were in his jersey. You flashed him an innocent smile and he shook his head, knowing he’ll just talk to you after the game anyways. Even though he didn’t seem like it, he did feel happier that he saw you in it, even trying a bit harder without even realizing. Whenever he saw you after, he gave a small smile. “You look good in that. Planning on stealing that too?”

❀ Komori- He’s always wanted you to wear his jersey but he hasn’t said it before because he doesn’t want to feel like he’s forcing you. He was a bit too focused on the game so during the break before the second set, Sakusa made a comment about you wearing something that was his. Komori wasn’t sure what he meant so he began to search for you. Whenever he saw you, he’s face began to feel hot and he’s absolutely sure that he’s blushing now. During the second set, he was a little impatient, just wanting to go see you as soon as he can. He went to talk to you as soon as he could and he smiled happily, whenever he was actually able to see you in front of him. “You look really cute in that! Do you want any other clothes love?”

❀ Aone- Definitely doesn’t mind if you wear his clothes, he even told you it was ok whenever you asked. So far you hadn’t worn any of his clothes so whenever he saw you late in the match in his jersey, he was pretty surprised. If it wasn’t for Futakuchi and Koganegawa making a comment about seeing you in a very familiar number seven (7) jersey, he wouldn’t have noticed until after the game. He smiled, happy that you felt comfortable enough to wear something that was his, especially in public. When the match was over and he was finally able to see you, he gave you a gentle hug before pulling away with a smile. “It looks good on you. Sorry it’s a bit big though...”

❀ Futakuchi- Has a shit-eating grin whenever he sees you. He’s never minded if you wore his clothes, he’d even let you borrow some clothes if you’d stay the night or wanted to take a shower at his house. Which normally you return the clothes so whenever he sees you wearing his jersey, he knew that he was going to give you shit for it. Some other members of the team had noticed, Koganegawa even commented on it. Futakuchi wanted the game to go faster, aware that he was trying to rush the game. It’s not like he was trying to it on purpose, he just really wanted to get a better look at you in his jersey. After the match, he gave you a gentle hug and kissed the top of your head. “That looks really good on you. But I do have a question for you. Are you going to steal anymore of my clothes?”

❀ Daishou- Absolutely surprised whenever he saw you in it. He definitely wasn’t complaining, in fact he was extremely happy when he saw you in the stands. He didn’t express too much about how happy he was with volleyball, not wanting to seem boring to you as he was to his previous girlfriend (I love mika dont be mean to me). You knew how he felt though, his eyes always seemed to light up whenever someone was talking about it around the two of you or whenever you had mentioned it. He felt giddy, ready for the game to be over so he can see you. After the match, he nearly ran from the gym, ready to see you. When he did, he pulled you into a hug. When he pulled away, he gave you a smile and gently took your hand. “You look cute. Do you want anymore of my clothes?”

[deleteddewewted]

Incel!Shinsou Oneshot: "Why are you acting like that?”

To keep busy I just thought that a oneshot of Shinsou getting self conscious/needy would be cute since we already have his redemption arc rolling in. The next part of the Incel!Shinsou series (Part 3) will have him proving his worth at the Sports Festival. So in thinking of how he will prove himself to you I thought of how will all of those people affect him, especially you. ( This oneshot takes place pre changes, so Shinsou is still his disgusting self but he's figuring out how to woo a woman, especially of your caliber.)

Incel!Shinsou Series:

Part 1: Incel! Shinsou x F!Reader

Part 2: Incel! Shinsou x F!Reader

Incel!Shinsou Headcanons

"I know what you're doin' here. Made your intentions clear. Oh you, you terrible thing, you. Terrible thing, you. Terrible thing, you. Beautiful thing"

TW: Strong Language, Mild Sexism

People were never an obstacle when it came to the things Shinsou wanted. He’s aware that others would do anything for him if he played his cards right. The right words with the right question did wonders for him. So why the fuck couldn’t he have what he wanted when it came to you? You drove him up the wall with the kindness you showed him. He didn’t deserve it and you’re existence almost felt like a punishment from whatever deity that existed out there to make him suffer. You guys were suppose to be studying for your upcoming project that required a poster, a slide show, and one influential person that would help prove your projects point. You left him running circles within his own mind as to how you were so willing to challenge him. He wanted you to obey him not see through his bullshit. It wasn’t like you didn’t listen to him vent, or didn't give him attention, but he wanted to hold you under his control. To be the person you listened to.

In class you where both seated on the extreme ends of the room on opposite sides. You never realized this (you do), but his head would periodically turn towards your direction to look at you, to figure you out (liar). This time, you managed to catch him do it.

“What are you doing?” You asked plainly. You honestly didn’t care that he was staring, everyone does when you dress like you're attending an MCR concert in the middle of autumn.

“You look different....today.”

“Nice.” It was difficult to care. Shinsou was just some guy in your class that you had to deal with. Nothing special really....ok, maybe it wasn’t fully true. You didn’t really know him all that well or anything (Unless it was mocking and belittling everything you did, that was normal behavior for him so it wasn’t surprising to find out he was like that outside of campus.) but he wasn’t all that bad? If he cared for himself a bit more, hygiene wise he would be considered handsome or at least a competent human being (you weren't going to call him a man, men don't act this childish. At least the ones you knew.) Maybe then you would take his opinion seriously, but for now you’ll ignore his...interesting comments he's been throwing towards you today.

“It’s rude to ignore someone when their talking to you, you know?” The neutral face he had now possessed a frown and a furrow to his brows. You still couldn’t process how he took the time to make sure his hair stayed purple but didn’t care for his body odor. (This man dyes his hair purple yet cant bother to shower or use deodorant for once in his life.)

“I’m not ignoring you, I’m just not interested in anything you have to say.” With that you get up and take your things and leave. There was no point in wasting time on someone who couldn’t even look at you directly and had to also sneak glances at you. "Do I really look that unbearable?" you thought to yourself. In the end you didn’t care anymore, everyone was entitled to an opinion and the last thing you need is feeling self conscious because of your out of place classmate.

Shinsou was fuming. How the fuck did you just get up and leave his ass while he was trying to complement you. You should have been more appreciative that he was giving you his attention for once. A bitch like you wasn't even worth it so he doesn't understand why he even tried with you.

He never goes directly home after school but instead to the local theater. It was one of the few places where he could be around others and could genuinely be himself. It was weird, he didn't feel like himself when he was speaking with his "friends", friends that he's never spoken to verbally, never seen, and never would meet. He knew that he didn't deserve this, to have a safe haven when he acts like an ass, yet here he was.

"Good morning Shinsou! How are you? Are you ready for rehearsals? You did remember to read your lines, right?" Shinsou rolls his eyes at his theater mates antics. Monoma never seems to stop but he does know when to tone it down and when it comes to Shinsou he tones it down a bit. (Because Monoma is canonically considerate of others, look back the Sports Festival and the Joint Training Arc.)

"Im good man, yes i did read and memorized the script, dont worry about it." What an odd friendship, the most chaotic gentleman like man out the bunch with the quietist incel in the group. Shinsou should have seen it coming when he was adopted by Monoma but he's running on 2 to 4 hours of sleep so he doesn't really care.

Believe it or not Shinsou does take showers (only for theater) but very quickly and with no care (no shampoo or soap, fucking why man.) Theater means more to him and so making his character look the best they possible can was his first and foremost priority. He puts on his costume, gets to makeup (the minimum, because it's "gay" for him to wear makeup and since the world is unfair and cruel he has perfect skin for a greasy headed asshole.)

"Everyone get a move on! Kodai, Tsuburaba, and Awase! Go to stage left! Light techs, how's it up there?" One of the tech heads shouted out. Shinsou and Monoma got to their positions on the stage and the rehearsals began.

Love, the play was about love. Love that wasn't rejected but also not accepted. He didn't understand the concept fully. Was it romantic? Platonic? Familiar? Admiration? He loved his dad, but he mostly admired him. He worked long hours and middle resents him for not being there for him, yet he realizes that his dad works to give him the world, a home with all the things he wanted. He never had a mother so he never had parental or familiar, again his dad was there but he wanted a parent that would hold him when he came back from school everyday. He didn't have a girlfriend, so he doesn't know romantic. So far all of his characters where villains, or evil in some way. He was starting to get sick of them. Shinsou wanted something more, wanted to play a character that wasn't how everyone saw him as on his day to day life. He wanted a challenge, he wanted....affection. Just to show it. He wanted attraction. Just to abuse it. He wanted...love. To just...maybe...feel...enjoy...understand it.

"You terrible thing you. My love, you're so cold. You've left me hanging on every one of your words. You've made me loose my self, lose my self-control because of you!" He pours everything into his performance, his loneliness, his regrets, his experience. He's been told by his co-performers and directors that he has a great future in the arts, in theater. If he just took care of himself more he would be an amazing actor, not only incredibly talented but also attractive. He would have the world kneeling, bowing to him just from his words alone. He could have anything he wanted just because of his existence.

" You've made me do things i don't want to do...for you." Kodai stands there looking horrified. He's covered in blood, the blood of her lover, the one she left him for.

"No, i-i didn't-"

"YOU MADE ME-MADE DO THIS FOR YOU! You terrible, terrible, terrible thing! You beautiful thing, I've done this for you!...and you still cant and won't love me." He doesn't see Kodai anymore. It's not her face he sees, nor her voice that he hears.

Its you...its your voice. You. You looking back at him while he slowly lowered himself to kneel and crawl towards you. It's you who backs away from him as he starts to cry and hiccup.

"You wreck me, you made me. You leave me in your wake, please let me go!" He sees you and feels you grabbing his wrists back, pushing him into himself.

"Don't you ever let me go...."

You terrible beautiful thing, you.

And here we are again. This was a lot fun to write since it feels more concrete when it comes towards his personality and his full thought process. In many cases people like Shinsou just want attention or some sense of validation, which there is nothing wrong with wanting those things but it's more about the manner you go about it. You shouldn't pressure or force others to spend time with you, but there is always someone out there that will like to give you those things.

Tag list: @blossominglark

[m4rkiza]

pile of headcanons

bunch of raihan/leon headcanon nonsense from my twit*r

theres alot under the cut, warning : its cheesy, also, i headcanon raihan calling leon "bubu"

Raihan is really good at baking and leon is great at cooking savory & spicy food, raihan likes spicy food and leon likes baked goods, they complete each other

Leon so thick and firm he'd be so good to hug and raihan took advantage of that, holding his bubu until leon complains or whine, yknow when ur pet looks so cute and u hug them, like that

leon contacts name on raihans phone is like "♥💖my bubu♥💕", but raihans contact name on leons phone is "Raihan" with capital R

raihan complained about it, showed leons contact name on his phone, leon is surprised bc he thought his contact name on raihans phone is just "Leon" or "Lee"

then leon changes rai's contact name too "🥰raihoney💖

leon doesnt look like the guy who'd be extra on hair and skin treatment, the reason his hair and skin (especially his hair) is unbearably soft and shiny is bc raihan kept reminding him to do so (and buying it)

sometimes leon act spoiled so raihan will do an entire haircare for him

yes raihan do it bc he loves leon unconditionally and he thinks leon deserves it

raihan has a dirty mouth and uses every swear word but for some reasons, around leon all he can say is "jerk" "ugly" and "dumb"

raihan does that bc all he remember when hes with leon is pet names and how-to-coo-and-woo-your-boyfriend

raihan being leons moral compass feels fitting, not bc leon is dumb but bc leon himself is swallowed by his own title and got the hero complex, making him selfless and have a hard time to say no

raihan is there to "what the fuck are you thinking, dont do that baby, you'll die"

but leon seems stubborn yes? he wont listen if people just say "no", he'd ask the reason why, and if the said person doesnt give a clear answer, he leaves but raihan always tries to explain him in full description, short & long lasting damage, consequence etc

so obviously leon listens, and as time goes by, raihan is.. his moral compass, in a way

raihan playfully growls while squeezing leons body parts but its definitely not so playful in leons mind

raihan always ask leon to wear his freshly-washed-hoodie at sunday so when he go to work at monday, his hoodie will smell like leon

raihans laugh is like "aha haha haha *low volume wheeze* phew heehee" and leon got a laugh that can trigger an earthquake

Raihan sneeze like a kitten while leon sneeze like a buldozer

Leon muffles his laugh by hugging raihan so it wont surprise anyone around them

leon demanding affection from raihan by giving him stupid empty threats

leon : Kiss me or ill

raihan : u will what

leon : i-i will shrink your hoodie and make it mine

raihan : no, now come here bubu

In reality, leon doesnt need to do "things" to get raihans attention, raihan told him he can just ask or "just sit on my lap or tug my shirt and ill cuddle and kiss you till the next day", but leons ego is too high for that so he does stupid shit instead

raihan is very loved by leons family bc surprisingly hes able to stop leon and hop from fighting

if u ask how, raihan simply pick up leon up and walk away

aihan is the only guy who leon will listen too and got called as the "champion tamer"

but all raihan do is just

raihan : bubu, no

leon : no..?

raihan : leon. no

leon : no...

then nag him softly while explaining the consequences, sometimes short and long term effect it depends on the situation

leon is stubborn, so it took sometime to convince him that his plan or an action he almost took to partake is very impulsive or doesnt give a good result

the thing is leon is not stupid, infact hes quite brilliant, therefore its hard to convince him if a person who tries to stop him doesnt have a similiar mind like he is, but thankfully theres raihan

for some reasons raihan is able to found leon in any occasion so the league staff ALWAYS calls him whenever leons gone

league staff : mr rai-

raihan : is it leon

league staff : yes

raihan : im on my way

leon likes to ask raihan for hairbands bc he kept losing them

raihan : bubu, isnt this your third time asking for them this week

leon : ....yes..?

raihan spoiling leon bc he feels he wants to make up for him, bc he wasnt available near leon when fought eternatus

leon follows raihan everywhere in the winter and kept pressing himself to him, whenever raihan question whats wrong leon just looked him in the eye and "im warming you up"

leon is small by raihans perspective but he hugs leon tight anyway

raihan is possessive of leon hes THAT hot, charismatic yet very adorable, leon is the one who keeps his chin up and soothe his fears, and hes the champion, everyone wants the champion, u think he'll let go that easily? no, never

and leon is probably possessive too, raihan is a hot nerd, affectionate and gentle, hes the one who push him to his best, the one who also stops him for doing too much, hes his source of comfort and he wont let go and wont let anyone take his raihan away from him for sure

10 years of friendship and healthy rivalry means 10 years of being on each others live, being one of the biggest contributor and supporter for the other, who pushes to the limit yet stopping when one is too close to the edge of the cliff

no matter if its platonic or romantic, they wont let anyone take their rival, friend and lover away that easy, you wont let anyone try to take away one of the important and huge part of your life

raihan big, so hes the big spoon, he loves cooing right at leons ears and kissing the back of his neck, shoulders and sometimes reaches forward to press a sloppy wet kiss to leons cheek

leon crying to raihan when he founds out raihan smokes when hes stressed out, and begging the other to stop and talk to him instead or cope with healthier way

raihan doesnt need an alarm clock to wake him up, leons just need to grin and say "good morning!" its so bright it WILL wake him up

raihan and leon lives together and since then the outfit leon has on his wardrobe is a collection of formal tailored outfits and his battle tower outift, some booty shorts and work out clothing, and obviously underwear and socks.the rest he just stole from raihan

especially t-shirts, hoodies, and jacket, raihan seeing him walking and opening his wardrobe after shower is such a common occurence that he doesnt even need to ask anymore

raihan looks like the type who carries lipbalm and hand cream in his hoodie pocket, he carries 2, 1 cocoa lipbalm for him and honey lipbalm for leon. whenever he met leon, he applies the lip balm on him, it becomes habit that leon even raise his chin up for raihan

leon can sleep alone fine, but when he woke up he felt groggy,but if he slept on top of raihan he'd woke up like he had a perfect 8 hours sleep even tho he slept for only 5 hours

raihan is a heavy sleeper but waking up with leon glued to his chest/back make his whole day better,especially when he woke up to leon peppering his face with kisses to wake him up

raihan being lowkey flustered and overwhelmed by leons beauty/cuteness/sexiness/everything while leon is being clingy and acting spoiled around him

leon cant be serious around raihan, when he saw the gym leader,he automatically let his guard down infront of him, changing from champion leon to leon from postwick, all giddy and happy

leon unzips his champion outfit and once raihan heard the zipping sound he zooms to leon to plant his face between leons chest

if leon wants attention from raihan he will do various things from holding his arm and press his head to raihans shoulders,sitting on his lap and loop his arm around raihans neck,hugging him from the front and put on a cute face

but if raihan wants attention he just, hug leon from behind,put his head on leons shoulder and doesnt let go until leon does SOMETHING

leon has been taking care of others for so long,so when raihan takes care of him ,its a new,yet quite familiar feeling.

its hard to accept since he felt bad about receiving the attention,but raihan kept doing it until leon tend to act spoiled around him

raihan always kiss leons forehead before he sleeps,when raihan is away, he has the urge to videocall raihan so he can coo him to sleep,but hes too embarrassed to do it

he thought abt that and raihan suddenly videocalling him,its noon on the region he visited, and hes like "heeeey, i just want to say good night to my beloved!! good night leon,sweet dreams,sorry bc i cant kiss your forehead but ill kiss u 10x more when im back"

leon was shocked and stared to his camera "lee? fuck,is the connection that bad-" and leon stuttered "n-no! i was surprised...thank you darling, have fun and stay safe okay?"

"of course! dont stay up thinking abt me for too long,i love you so much bubu,good night!

"..good afternoon raihoney,i love you too" leon stayed up for the next 20 minutes rolling around the bed screaming

raihan actually helps leon on taking care of his dragons, which made leons dragonmons actingspoiled around raihan,and sometimes leon thinks that his dragons loves raihan more than him

raihan plays with his dragonmon as if hes playing with a yamper,calling them "cute little babywubby" and playing with their hands,kissing their foreheads and lays with them on the floor,and of course leon joins in by laying on top or next to raihan

even leon have seen raihan carrying his dragapult like a baby with a baby axew hugging his legs, raihan is legit a dragon pokemon magnet

raihan has a habit of cooing or complimenting at leon even when hes doing the simplest thing ever and leon feels giddy like a 5 y.o everytime raihan does it

can u imagine how many pictures of leon raihan have on his phone,its probably more than 1000, he takes picture of leon as if hes a baby pokemon

leon comes to raihans place at 2 am without any warning,i mean raihan DID gave him a spare key so, raihans flat is HIS flat too,and there he goes,going to the bedroom and slip himself under the duvet,crawling to sleep closer to raihan

at first raihan is SO surprised that he jumped from the bed,but now he doesnt care anymore and just kiss leons head,mumbles "goo'nite bubh" and sleep again

leon does it so often that if hes gone from his apartment,people call raihan instead of him

raihan hugging leon from the back while leon is doing stuff in the kitchen while singing,and raihan is there like,peppering smooches and compliments while leon is STILL singing,and giggling bc raihan is smooching him

raihan is BAD at it but he sings along with leon in a joking manner and leon cant even sing anymore bc hes just wheezing while raihan is just "cmOn bAbeEEe SING AgAiiiNNnn"

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Anonymous said:

Heresan angsty fluffy request for Dabi,what if one day it was just a bad day for dabi.His scars were getting to him,the past kept coming to his mind and he was just feeling unworthy,like he didn't deserve his doll.That leads us to now,him standing shirtless infront of a mirror,judging his appearance and him in general so much that he doesnt notice his doll until she wraps her arms around him,gently holding him and telling him that it's not true that he deserves good things and that she loves him

Shit. Absolutely the most shittiest day he ever had on his adulthood so far.

Shigaraki had been a pain on his ass ever since he joined the league of villains, and when he was isolated by that crazy doctor on a moutain he thought was going to get a bit of peace.

Keyword: thought.

His colleagues despite becoming part of his daily routine were cool and all but he got irritated easily with their bullshit. Instead of wanting to expose the corruption and fake hero society all they cared for was being accepted and just watch the world burn down.

Heck, he tried his best to not be like him, but when he was out of pacience he tended to snap at anyone whose even got in his front... including you.

He felt like shit everytime and knew very well that a apology wasn't going to erase his harsh words... neither his own attitude.

Thankfully though he was fucking terrified of becoming the monster that married his mother, so he never once raised his hand at you.

He couldn't even once get a bit of peace on this fucked up life...

He was about to head to a shower he took off his shirt... looking at the corner of his eyes the nasty scars, covering more than half of his chest as the stables clinged and holded his still healthy and burnt skin together.

How the freaking hell you accepted being him out of all people on Japan? He was like a broken vase, couldn't fix it and just... was made to be left alone and on the fucking trash can.

He brought his hands to his camp of vision and saw the scars littering his forearms and hands, attached to staples... his breath started to quickened at remembering especially why he had them, whose fault was that...

Anger and anxiety combined surely wasn't a good thing.... without him thinking his quirk started to heat up and his skin if he could alscream would have already in pain.

He looked, trembling in wrath, at his reflection... and the sign was enough for him to shout and punch the mirror at the point it shattered in pieces and injured his hand badly...

Panting, his senses come back a but and cringed at how much blood it was dripping from his hand and dirtying the carpet of your guys room... for now.

Pieces of glass was still on his flesh but his anger hadn't vanished as he started to punch the wall until he was tired of it... the pain was one of the things that proved to him he was still alive.

So what is more? He felt worse after all...

He punched that wall until it got dirty with his blood and until he was tired of it... Sighing he clenched on the injury and got into the bathroom to take the goddamn shower.

.

.

.

Your voice calling for him and the door being slowly opened interrupted his thoughts... he vringed at the causation tone of voice you used and only waved his hand once to tell you it was okay for you to enter.

"We went out to get some food so.." he felt the lightly slightly short on the bed near him "I got some of your favorite..."

He didn't answer. He knew that one harsh word could leave or even the worst thing, you could get that he was on a bad shape, you could just fucking see when he was overthinking ... damn you for being so blind to not fucking see je is not worth of you.

"WHAT THE- DABI?!" He widened his eyes when you grabbed his hand, your horrified expression at seing the injury "What the hell happened?! I thought you-"

"I made it myself." He spoke on a cold tone of voice that even himself cursed himself for it.

"You're crazy or something?! How?!"

"Why being so dramatic over it? I have tons of scars sweetheart, I'm fucked already and just you who doesn't seem to notice." He shrugged as you looked at him before narrowing your eyes and getting up with a huff.

Just when he was about to sigh, you pocked a chair and put on his front agressively with a first kit aid.

"Aw. Cute seing you trying to fix me (Y/n)." His sarcasm was like venom as you grabbed his hand and started to bandaged.

"Fix and help to cure the wound are differents things and you know it very well, Todoroki." You hissed his last true name as got up and grabbed your wrist as you two exchanged glares for a bit before you gritted through teeth "Sit. Down."

He scoffed and sitted back on the bed as you sit down as well, bandaging him and taking the minors piece of glass out of him with the help of an twessee.

He hissed at one particularly large, stuck on his knuckles as you looked at him, your anger vanishing at seing him biting his lower lip and trying to mantain a nonchantly expression as he refused to look at your eyes.

Sighing in relief when the last piece of mirror left his hands, picking up a bit of alcohol, cottom and the bandages to wrap around the injury.

"... not going to give up are you?" He muttered as you remained silent while doing your work, cringing when he let out a dark chuckle.

"You're such a thick skull... cant even see it doesn't matter and you can do better than this..." you stopped with wide eyes before looking up at him.

"Huh?"

"Oh come on doll... you know that staying with me is a loss. What do I even have to give to you anyway? How do..." he snickered, letting his head fall on the hand you weren't treating "How do you even look at me with those fucking gorgeous eyes..?"

You blinked, words lost in your throat as you saw Dabi on that condition... slowly, you put the supplies aside, one hand holding his as the other barely touched his arm.

"Do you know I love you right?" You muttered as he barked on a laughter.

"Yeah..." he looked up at you in pain but with a maniac smile still present "I just don't know how."

.

.

.

Ever since that evening you started paying more attention on your boyfriend. Instead of replying with a snarky comment whoever joked about his scars he only sighed a "fuck off" and left... how he didn't even let you see him without a shirt.

It was like all the improvement of him thrusting you to not judge him for his past or appearance had come down hills... his usual cockiness and sarcasm aurea was just pushed all inside and eames back the aloof and cold Dabi...

You couldn't just let this continue... Dabi knew you love him but didn't know how? Well, damn him, you were going to show it like him or not.

With determination you walked and opened the door to slow your movement at seing Dabi staring at the mirror, his back at you as his head hung low, supporting himself on his hands on the mirror.

"You listen you bastard..." you listened him talk to himself "Stop being a selfish pig and let (Y/n) go... no one deserves getting stuck with a walking disaster... you wont drag the one you love to hell along with you." He growled the words as tears threaten to form in your eyes.

Saying fuck it, you almost ran into him while hugging him from behind, a gasp leaving him as the muscles of his back tensed and looked at your reflection clinging to him.

"How can you say that to the men I love..?" You whispered, wet cheek resting and nuzzling on him "You're not dragging me to hell if you're not even going there..." you sobbed as his wide turquoise eyes remained on your reflection... frozen body... he couldn't even think to be honest.

"You deserve happines just like everyone does... You make me happy by being you Touya..." you clinged onto him and burried your crying face on his back "I don't want to let go... you're the best thing that ever happened to me so dont you fucking dare to say things like that about yourself!"

You felt his rough and half scarred hand touch yours at first before holding it like his life depended on it.

"You know... if I could cry... pretty damn sure I was weeping right now at only seing you suffer because of me..." his hoarse voice came out and you clinged onto him tighter.

"You're the blind one for thinking that you dont deserve me or you aren't beautiful... scars and all." You mumbled before leaving a chaste kiss on his back, one that made his body shiver.

It was quiet for a moment before Dabi got out of your arms as you whimpered before gasping when he cupped your cheeks and smashed his lips on yours.

When he broke the kiss you hugged him.tightly as he slowly returned the affection, resting his chin on your shoulder as he felt his eyes burning.

"Dont hide from me anymore..." you sobbed as his heart clenched at your crying and hugged you tighter.

"I won't... I won't." He pulled you even closer to his chest as he kissed your temple.

"Get on your thick skull that you're beautiful and handsome you idiot!" You punched his back as he let out a weak chuckle on your hair.

"Only because you make me feel that way doll..."

[angst-fairygodmother]

Girl Talk (The Song of Sway Lake Fic)

A/N: The moment has finally arrived! The first official collab/crossover between myself and @miss-kittys-magical-library​! I’m really excited for how this came out, and how much fun we had writing it together. 😊 Word Count: 3127 Rating: T - mild language, brief mention of blood, discussion of violence

~The Papermill bookstore, Sway Lake~

Selina burst through the door of the bookstore.  She almost doesn't wait for Jess to say hello or ask questions.  Selina is overcome with adrenaline, the exhilaration of what she did. A giant smile spread across her lips.  There's almost a dreamy look in her eyes.  

She's covered in blood: her hands, her jeans, the bottom of her shirt.  Selina held her hands like a surgeon so she didn't touch anything.  

Jess’s mouth hung open while she pointed nervously towards the upstairs.  Her friend knew where to find what she needed.

Selina comes out of the hot shower knowing Jess will be in the room waiting.  She found clean clothes but stopped to study herself in the mirror.  Somehow she felt like her body had changed somehow.  

Selina caught a picture of her and Jess and held it up.  How far they've come from the girls in the photo on her best friend’s dresser.

She glimpsed Jess in the mirror, a strange smirk on her face.  Selina knew something was up.  She handed the picture to her friend and spoke,

“Can you believe this was us?”

------

There had been a time in life where Selina and Jess had told each other everything, no matter what. And yet somehow this summer, one of the most eventful in recent history, Jess hadn’t told her best friend anything. Anyone who had spent any time on the lake knew about tensions between the Sways and...basically everyone, but especially Selina’s mother and her relatives. And more than that, it had been kind of nice to have a good secret all to herself for a little while. But she missed her friend, and would have loved her advice on what to do about the boy who was quickly becoming someone important, and a problem for her heart. 

She was just thinking about the other girl, wondering if she should call her after work, maybe suggest a bonfire or late night rowboat race like they used to have, when Selina burst through the door. Jess’s eyes fell to the blood first, and then rose quickly to Selina’s face and the expression that didn’t match the apparent situation at all. 

A thousand questions raced through her mind as she pointed her best friend toward her bathroom (not that Selina didn’t know where it was by now) and made quick work of closing the shop. She didn’t seem hurt, so everything else could wait. While Selina washed herself clean, Jess dug for any clothes left behind the last time she had come for a visit, and failing that, any old shorts and t-shirt. She left them on top of the dresser and poked her head into the bathroom to gather the discarded bloody garments and throw them into the wash. 

Selina was standing in the bedroom, studying herself in the mirror when Jess returned, and for a moment she wondered, again, if her friend was injured. 

“Can you believe this was us, what?”

Selina laughed, “These girls.  We’re just girls here trying to be grown women.  I sort of treated you like I did Sunny.” 

She waited for Jess to maybe bristle or tense up at his name. “I marched on to the beach, saw the first girl my age who had SOMETHING in common with me, and declared you mine.  We aren't little girls anymore.”  

There was a bittersweetness in her voice.  Selina didn't even care that she was naked. 

Jess laughed. She remembered that day, meeting Selina after escaping her siblings in search of a moment of peace and quiet, far from what actually found her instead. But they had got on so quickly she'd forgotten to be angry about it.  

"No, we really aren't," she agreed with a tinge of nostalgic sadness in her own voice.

She leaned back on her hands on the bed, watching her friend study the picture. "I never minded, you know. It was kind of nice to be claimed by somebody. You'll always be my first for that," she bit her lip, hoping the joke didn't come off as uncomfortable given the situation. 

Selina finally dressed and sat beside her friend on the bed.  Her knuckles caressed the other woman’s cheek before she swept the hair from her face. Without a thought, she leaned in and gently pressed her lips to Jess’s, tongue lingered a bit before she broke away.  

“That's from Sunny too.”  Selina laid on her side tucked under Jess’s arm.  “How is it that I was here for a few weeks, and youuuu have been tramping around Sway Lake with some chick?!  Have you gone FULL lesbian?” she dropped her voice low. 

Jess turned onto her side, propping a head on her arm to face Selina. 

"You two are so weird," she rolled her eyes. "I don't think I'll ever get used to that." 

Her stomach flipped at the thought of Sunny, eyes cast to the ceiling as her thoughts wandered. She loved Ollie, but there was something raw about the idea of losing the other boy, even though he wasn't really hers anymore and hadn't been in quite some time. 

She quirked a teasing eyebrow as she returned to the present moment and the woman beside her.

"If I was going to do that, do you think it would be with anyone else than you? Whoever gave you your gossip needs glasses."

Selina’s mouth dropped open, “There's a guy around here with hair that long?!”  

She linked her arm through Jess’s and pulled her in for a hug.  The other woman now wrapped up in her embrace.  Selina let her chin rest on her friend’s head as she stroked her hair.  “You feel happier.  Content.  Like you're just drifting along.  I know you loved Sunny in your own way, but this is different.  It's the,” she ran a hand up and down Jess’s body without touching it, “this.  Papa would call it your aura.” 

Jess grinned. "I am. I'm really, really happy," she answered dreamily. "Ollie's a really sweet guy. But only here for the summer…"

She swallowed down the lingering bitter taste her argument with Ollie the previous morning had left in her mouth, not wanting to burden the conversation with her fears. Especially not when she still had so many questions of her own. 

"But don't think asking about my love life is going to get you out of explaining yourself, missy." She teased.

Selina sat up, “Oliver Sway?!  Jessica!  Come on.  Any other Tom, Dick or asshole at this stupid lake.  Sunny.  Sunny’s RIGHT THERE.  Just grab him by the ankle and bring him back to Earth.  He needs you.”

She took a breath, “That.. harpie will tear you apart because you aren't good breeding.  It's Sway Lake because that's what those upper crust cunts hold over this entire town.  Sway.  Lakes dont belong to one family, they should belong to EVERY person.  Are Sunny and I the only ones NOT under this family’s curse?  First Tom, then Nikolai and now you.”  

Selina’s voice was full of disappointment more than anger.  She looked at her hands.  Her palms, white and clean, were just caked brownish red not even an hour ago.  “It can't be the both of us.”

"Nikolai?!" Jess asked, staring for a moment before doubling over in laughter. "Oh god it all makes sense now."

She struggled to contain her laughter, gasping for air and wiping away the tears in her eyes from it. 

"Fuck Charlotte Sway, I couldn't care less what she thinks," she said, sobering and then sighing. "It's not like I planned on falling in love with Ollie. But I did, and it kinda scares me. I really really don't want to lose him. And he hates her and the whole legacy bullshit as much as anyone. Let it all rot or burn or whatever."

Jess was silent for a moment. It was hard to say Selina was her only or even oldest friend. But they were best friends, for certain, and they knew everything about each other. There were even times when they were younger that Selina and Sunny had talked about soulmates and Jess had wondered if she were hers. Which is why her stomach twisted with guilt as she realized just how unsettled Selina was, and pretending not to be. 

"But enough about me, it doesn't matter. Are you okay?"

Selina took Jess’s hand in hers.  She laced their fingers together and laid down again.  This time she and her friend were side by side.  She was certain no one in any spoken language had invented a word for what the two of them were.  

Selina knew it was why Leon and Johnny always ended phone calls and visits with long hugs and I love yous.  Why Honey and Klaus showered each other with intimacy and affection Honey showed Leon.  Friendships that made people question your sexual intentions.  It was probably something in the Kostas skin, like a pheromone. 

The 23 year old pushed the thought out of her mind that everyone around them was their friend because they didn't have a choice.  Instead she squeezed Jess’s hand.  

“You know Honey, she holds grudges with a tight grip.  There's only two people she hates: Charlotte Sway and Reginald Hargreeves, and he's the one she really wants dead.  Charlie is lonely and miserable. That's punishment enough for Mama.  Papa always says she would make a great Mafia don. She DID like Tim Sway; 

cried when he killed himself.  He wasn't even Charlot-”  Selina cut herself off.  “Either way Ollie must take after him then.  I hope he does.  I think we played together when we were little?”   

She realized she was avoiding the question and wanted to deflect solely on Jess.  Sunny wasn't the only one who slept around up here, or had a weird effect.  Selina again panicked if maybe, somehow, what was in him was in her.  That the Russian on a canoe in the middle of the night would show up in the Village, screaming at her in the dead of night.  Some of the guys she fucked flopped around on top of Selina for a few minutes, got off while she stared at the ceiling.  Then they laid claim to her like any White guy who thought he owned someone else’s land.

“And don't laugh like that either!  I was doing my duty as a future nurse and helping someone who got hurt.”   

She watched Jess cross her arms, even on her back.  She was giving Selina THAT stare.  Selina threw her hands up. “Ohhh,” she whined, ”I was swimming, floating really.  Probably out further than I should be in the middle of the night, but that fucking moon.  And there he was on his way to get rid of those horrendous jet skis of Jimmy’s.  And he was flirtatious and made me groan, but also laugh?” 

Selina had pulled her knees up to her chest so she could hug them.  A far off look on her face.  “And he's very.. I didn't really pay attention to what he looked like.  WHO, right?  It was just this fire that went through me.  Like I knew him?  

“Mama always talks about the day I was born and speaking into existence this notion. That every version of her will be loved by and love Papa.  She thought it was blood loss creating insanity, but Sunny and I had designs on a love like theirs.”

“And the way Nikolai made me feel, and the way he knew my body?  We didn't even fuck; not like that.  I haven't cum that hard or much ever.  Even by myself.”

“Then he got hurt, and I made Sunny take me to him.  Ollie had saved him, right?  As we're stitching him back together, I see his face.  That face I grew up with three times over.  He's fashioned for me, Jess.  Maybe like Ollie is for you.  But Nikolai is Leon and Nicklaus and Klaus and he's made to be mine.” 

"No, no  I'm not laughing at that, or you," Jess promised. "Just...the first decent conversation Nikolai and I had, he mentioned meeting someone. Matching his description to you is what's funny. And the fact that you two are such opposites." Jess paused, smiling in fondness for both parties in question. "But it's safe to say he likes you, a lot." 

She felt silly now, not putting it together sooner. After all, there was no one else in the world she could think more aptly described as a siren made of the moon. And as funny as it was on paper, something about Selina and Nikolai made sense. 

 And, it made her heart beat giddily. Her faith in fate was complicated, but when it came to the Kostases, the concept was shockingly simple. And it seemed impossible that this was just coincidence, the four of them tied together like this. 

'Or maybe,' she silently scolded, 'it's wishful thinking so you can tell yourself you're not being completely crazy.' 

The rest of what Selina said registered belatedly and she blanched. "Wait. That was a lot of blood. Are you saying that it was all Nikolai's?"

“It was,” Selina replied softly.

"Jesus. What did he do, get in a knife fight?" Her voice was a mixture of concern and annoyance. 

She could see Nikolai doing something like that, to defend his own pride which he deflected onto Ollie, or for some other stubborn, idiotic thing. And now that there were two people she loved who would get hurt if something happened to him, she made a note to have a little chat with him about being so reckless. And to find Ollie later to check on both boys. 

"I know if he had you helping take care of him, I don't have to ask if he'll be alright." She nudged Selina teasingly with a shoulder, hoping to break up some of the heavy, contemplative air settling over them both.

“Knives don't cause QUITE as much damage as you think.  Unless you hit a vein.  Diego showed me how to do it effectively once.  Plus if he's like the others, Nikolai probably prefers fists to weapons.  Or the spider monkey sleeper-hold thing Klaus and Sunny do.  Although Papa stabbed Uncle Jonny once, it was just an artificial wound.” 

Selina suddenly scooped Jess up in her arms so they could go back to a cuddle.  She tangled her legs and arms around Jess to sort of dominate her personal space.  Her forehead pressed into her friend’s neck.

“He and Jimmy got into it, and they were on the boat dock.  Nik slipped and hit his head.  Ollie swam for like, the first time ever to get him up into a boat.  Had pressure on it.  I just stitched him with fishing wire.  They'll do better at the ER.”

Selina sighed, “If he's like them he wouldn't die anyways.  Klaus died like twice in a few days, also head injuries?  Either way, Nikolai would’ve been fine without me.”  

Then almost like an afterthought, “Did you say he talked to you about me?  Probably something about conquests and the Russian army.  But you!  YOU FELL IN LOVE this summer!  I got my pussy licked and think he's this mythical soulmate.  You're in actual, real love.”

Selina propped up on her elbow, “Have you slept together?  No I'm sorry,  YOU get to call it MAKING LOVE!!”  she burst into a fit of giggles around cheeks fired by jealousy.  “I am happy for you.  I promise.  I'm glad Sunny..  I'm just happy.”

"No, actually," Jess said, shifting around Selina so they tucked together more cleanly, like two matched puzzle pieces. This kind of closeness wasn't Jess's favorite thing, but Selina knew that, and Jess trusted that if she didn't need it, she wouldn't be initiating it. "It was surprisingly non-militant. And only one nautical reference."

Jess hesitated, remembering some of the incidents Selina had to deal with and one or two more from the summers that  Sunny, or Jess herself, had headed off before they got far enough to be a concern (or for Selina to even know). She wanted her friend to know just what Nikolai had said, and that he very much did not just see her as just some conquest. But the line between sweet and creepy was a hazy one at best. She brought one hand away from the tangle to fret the corner of her thumb between her teeth while she thought it over. 

"I'm not saying I'm jealous...but I thought it was romantic. And dramatic of course, look who we're talking about. But dramatic isn't always bad. I wish you'd stop dismissing yourself like that. Soulmate or no, you have some sort of feelings for him which seem serious; one might call it a crush at least. And he made you feel good. He made you happy. You're allowed that. You deserve it. And now, for the moment if not more, you have it, savor it." 

"As for Ollie and me..." 

She froze, frowning as she struggled to figure out just what to say. There was a part of her that feared a reputation of some kind (even though it was just Ollie that she'd been a first time for, and Sunny, but he didn't count). And another part that wanted to keep it to herself, even though most of her wanted to share. She bit again at her thumb, searching for words. 

"It's not that big of a deal?" 

Selina bit her lip before a yawn escaped her.  “One: a crush is a crush because you can get hurt.  Otherwise, it would be called a cushion.  I think that's what Papa said once.  Or was it Klaus?”  

Selina closed her eyes now. “Either way, it's a very big deal!  I can feel the difference in you.  I want you to be in love.  To maybe leave Sway Lake.  Come back to the city with me?  Close up this place for a few months.  You can live with me.  Or Oliver for a little while. Oh lovely little Oliver making my sweet Jessica come ‘round again.  All your sadness and little pieces everywhere.  I couldn't stitch you back together with fishing wire, could I?  I shouldn't have let Sunny break your heart.  I just didn't want being around me to remind you of him.  I'm sorry.  But Ollie.. he’ll..  Sorry, I think I'm a bit delirious from adrenaline?  Mind if I nap a bit?” 

But Selina was fast asleep before Jess could give permission.

Jess shook her head with a smile, carefully extricating herself and tucking her friend into the bed. Selina had given her a lot to think about.

[thequeenb]

Who Knew A Car Accident Would Bring Us Closer?

I know that i disappeared but guess who is back😏

My routine is very simple. I get up early, i take a shower, i brush my teeth, i put on a glamorous outfit and i drive in the heart of the city to buy a ridiculously overpriced coffee.

Today i was in a good mood. The gala was near and things with Zoey seems to get better. What always ruin it is Poppy and her attitude whenever she sees me. I roll my eyes turning the radio on and oh my god this my song!

I sing along as my body moves to the rhythm, i am a good driver dont get me wrong but when my favourite song plays i can be clumsy. Driving in the city is an annoying habit i had to get used to. When i was driving back in Farmsville things were less complicated and ugh don't get me started with the bad driving skills some people have

I am near the parking lot of the University when my favourite part comes up and i close my eyes for a brief second to feel the music as i sing along the last verse. But then the music stops, and when i open my eyes i see another car coming with full speed towards me. My instincts kick in as i try to avoid it but soon all i can feel is glass spraying around.

I don't dare to open my eyes as i am shocked and overwhelmed. I try to move but the airbag is suffocating me. Think Bea, think. My free arm tried to reach out for my phone as i hear voices around my car. If only i was more focused on the road, damnit!

My anxiety takes over as i try to breathe and only then a man is on the side of my door screaming

"Hey! Are you okay in there? The paramedics are on their way, please hold on"

His voice fades away and my stomach turns. I didn't even notice the pool of blood around my chest, what the fuck is happening. Zoey, i need to call Zoey right now, but before i try to find my phone a familiar sweet voice calls out to me

"Bea are you okay? Please respond to me" despite the current situation i have a faint smile, how adorable she is worried about me.

"Zoey.." thats all i manage to say in hope she heard me

Everything feels heavier as minutes pass by and all i can feel is the blood running down my body. Its a weird sensation really, but i wish none of you ever get to see what it feels like. Everything is sticky and wet but all i can do is try to keep my eyes open.

I wonder who had the audacity to hit my car but then i feel guilty remembering that i am the one to blame mostly. Soon enough i can hear sirens and i am finally relieved.

After several tries the paramedics got me out of the car and the bright light of the sun is blinding. I know i shouldn't complain but what if this is my last moment? Ugh i am sure Poppy is laughing right now with her friends, i can even imagine the conversation

"Did you hear what happened to Hughes? That silly farm girl got into a car accident"

Ugh what am i even thinking. I feel a soft material underneath me and i hardly get a glance around me. I can see Professor Kingsley looking at me with her worrying eyes, then there is Zoey next to me fighting with a woman to let her come with me in the ambulance and is that? No my mind is playing tricks i lost a lot of blood. But no its really her. I see Poppy approaching the man that probably hit my car and she is yelling? Very funny brain, don't mess with me right now. She is happy not sad i am sure

Before i can think more the doors of the ambulance closed but i feel a warmth in my hand

"I am here Bea, please hold on" Of course its Zoey and she is holding my hand tight, i cant imagine how scared she is but i am glad she is here with me. I feel so tired i need to rest my eyes, no no! I have seen to many movies about people dying this way i need to stay awake.

I can feel my heart beat in every sore part of my body, the blood is now dry and uncomfortable, my breath is getting slower and slower. The bright lights above me are painful and the voices around me start to fade. Don't tell me this is the end. I didn't win the crown yet to rub it in Poppy's face, i didn't see her shock after i am pronounced the Queen of Belvoire but wait. Why the hell am i thinking of her that much?

My eyes cant stay open anymore despite my numerous tries, i can hear Zoey encouraging me with the nurses but i give up into my desire to rest. I squeeze her hand one last time before i pass out.

____

How many of you watch Grey's anatomy? Don't lie i am sure some of you have, especially with Sandra Oh that good looking woman god, but thats not the point, don't lie to me. Well despite your answers this is what it feels like. I can hear the machines around me as well as my heart beating steadily

How did things get this sad so fast? It was supposed to be a normal day for me but i guess i had to ruin it. I wonder who's here with me and oh my god i am about to have a heart attack. Next to me is standing who? No guess..i will give you a hint, blonde hair..rich girl..who am i kidding, its the one and only Poppy Min-Sinclair

I blink a couple of times and she notices. Don't tell me she was here the whole time, maybe she came to make fun of me, is Veronica here? Does she film my failure? Oh. We are alone great.

"You are awake" she says as she is slowly approaching

Its hard to speak but i try to do some effort "I guess you are disappointed" i say smiling but she doesn't, she actually looks concerned

"I knew you were bad at almost everything but being a bad driver is so embarrassing Hughes" she roll her eyes, sitting in a chair next to my bed

Oh hell no who says that? Is that what comforting means to her?

"If you are here to make fun of me do me a favour and close the door behind when you leave" i don't look at her, instead i turn around, i am to tired for this conversation

"I was the one who saw the accident" she says and to my surprise she sits up to study me closer

"When i saw your cheap- ah..when i saw your car i was the one who called the paramedics you know"

I turn around to look at her and i can see her eyes sparkling under the bright lights "I mean i didn't have a choice right? I could not help at all but.."

My eyes start to tear up, every word feel more genuine than the other but why? Aren't we enemies? Doesn't she hate me? My thoughts are flooded with painful memories, how embarrassed she made me feel and then it clicks

"But you like me" i say almost breathless. She is shocked and that's how i know i am right, this can't be happening.

I didn't realize that i was crying until Poppy laid her head over my chest carefully. I can hear her sobs, everything that she had been feeling all day come out now and all i can do is cry with her, holding her tight.

"I can't believe i almost lost you" she says as her tears take over again

"Shhh, i am here..i promise" its all i can say. Today was definitely a weird day but in the end it brought us together

After we both calm down she doesn't move, instead i stoke her hair even though i feel weak and i can feel her smiling "the man that hit you is getting sued"

A low laugh escape my lips as she stands up gazing at me "but if you tell anyone about this you will be next" but its her teasing because her eyes say otherwise

I want to thank her, i want to forgive her for all the bullshit she put me through but words aren't enough to describe how i feel. Instead i yank her by her shirt and i kiss her softly. I can feel her body relax against mine but she is careful not to hurt me. I can feel her calm down as she takes a deep breath.

Pulling back she has this grin, its my favourite "Well, your kissing skills aren't as bad as your driving ones"

We both laugh as she takes a sit next to me, we are both talking about various topics and the more we discuss the more we realize we have a lot of things in common. Poppy and i are alike, but unlike her i show my good, kind side. I am greatful she is here because now i know who she truly is.

Tag list: @mvalentine @otakufangirl-12 @princessstellaris @indecisive-choices @i-loveeveryone @kiara-36 @ognenniyvolk @somewillwin @it-lives-in-braidwood-manor @ghalind @sergeant-pepper-loves-choices @dibberdipper @aiswood @alexlabhont @dopeyouth @tyrils-star @alexroyard @uselesslesbianfr

[hollyhomburg]

*bows in your presence* THOSE SANDCASTLE SNIPPETS WE ARE NOT WORTHY

because you most definitly are worthy! here are some more! be mindful of the tags in this one

SANDCASTLES: SNIPPETS IN SEQUENCE (4)(yoonminjoonseok x Reader) (omegaverse au)

TAGS: anorexia, suicidal thoughts, alcoholism mention, themes of addiction, themes of attempted suicide, toxic mindsets, alpha! namjoon, Alpha! hoseok, Alpha! yoongi, Omega! jimin, Omega! reader

summary: after you leave, their relationship falls apart- and each of them chooses a different vice in your absence. 

a/n: please be mindful of your triggers for this snippet, some of its pretty heavy. i meant to be more verbal about jimin’s anorexia in the begining of the story but forgot, so it’s mentioned here because this section was actually written first in the whole story. the chareters in this dont always act in the best way- just fyi, they’re not always going to act well in this part especially. 

- Because the apartment inside doesn’t feel like it used to- try as he might it doesn’t feel like home anymore, because you’re not there and everything is slowly falling apart- has been for months, and now Jimin feels like he’s falling apart too. slowly, the loneliness and missing you cracking open his chest day by day. 

- It feels like he’s been watching a train wreck in slow motion since you left. and he can’t honestly say that he hasn’t missed you or thought about you- every single day. 

- Yoongi still produces songs- but only does so when he’s sober, which isn’t very often anymore. 

- Most of the time Jimin can find him in one of the bars down the street. jimin braves them to get his boyfriend back as The alphas leer at the pretty and tiny blond omega that’s just looking for his boyfriend. Most nights, Yoongi puts himself so deep in the bottle he can’t feel his toes anymore let alone how much his heart hurts. 

- Sometimes, when the rooms spinning so bad, Yoongi can almost feel what it felt like to kiss you like he’s completely knocked off his feet. he remembers feeling so strung out and intoxicated. and even whiskey is a poor comparison to what it felt like to kiss you.  

- He still feels something like that when Jimin picks him up off the barstool and settles his tab. Even when he leans into his omega’s neck and runs his nose across his pulse point. Yoongi giggles. He always giggles when he’s drunk.

- He thinks about the fact that you left them and he laughs,  he thinks about the fact that Namjoon hasn’t been home in 3 days and he laughs, he takes a look in the mirror and he laughs until he can’t breathe because how the hell does someone fuck up this bad?

- Out of all of them Hoseok is definitely the most straight up depressed. At first, he was fine- emboldened maybe, he didn’t stop at trying to find you for the first month, texting you a full-on a letter every day, every time he was reminded of you. pictures and anything, anything to feel like it wasn’t too late. anything to feel like he was doing something- and not just watching the rest of their relationship fall apart.  He even walked around at night in the hope of running into you, even though he knew in all likely hood you weren’t even in the same city anymore. 

- Hoseok has said he’s sorry more times than he thinks he ever told you he loved you, and says sorry to Namjoon and yoongi and to jimin again and again, as many times as he can. jimin ignores hoseok at first, he dosent want to hear it- he dosent want to hear that hoseok loves him even, especially since he knows what that love has cost him. 

- Jimin stays angry at him for the first month, but then one night he comes in from his walk, smelling like the warm summer and the city air, and they both crumple into each other holding on until their fingernails leave half-moons in each other’s skin. Hoseok knows that he just can’t hold hoseok at arms lenght anymore- as much as Hoseok hurt them and hurt you Jimin needs him. jimin can’t hate hoseok- as much as he might want to. 

- But then- with the studio that practically runs it’s self as his only reason for getting out of the house, he starts spending a lot more time indoors, and when he’s home he’s never watching TV, he’s too emotionally tired and exhausted to move, so he just lies in bed, wishing that he would disappear, wishing that someone would lock him away somewhere cold and quiet where he couldn’t hurt the people he loves anymore. He deserves it. even if Jimin hasn’t repeated it since that night, that fucking night, he knows he’s not really worth this love anymore. 

- He knows the others know- maybe he’s just too pathetic right now to break up with. Maybe they’re just waiting until he’s more stable. 

- Sometimes Jimin convinces him to come to the kitchen when Namjoon’s home. Hoseok doesn’t smile like he used to, and Jimin finds him more than once- his eyes lingering too long on something sharp. or he flinches when Namjoon turns the news on- on one of the rare days where he came home to shower or sleep in their apartment. 

- But he only flinches as acts cagey during certian times, Jimin realizes one day, his blood running cold. he only acts that way When they mention suicide. 

- Jimin pays closer attention to Hoseok. 

- Namjoon has basically started living at his office, though he hardly ever sleeps there- or sleeps at all. No matter how many people are in the bed at home it always feels too cold. So Namjoon substitutes actual energy with coffee and as much casework as he can logically handle, it doesn't matter what hour it is as long as he’s working and his mind is free of thoughts of you. 

- Jimin is a frequent spectator in his office as he watches Namjoon slowly turn from anxious and angry to sad. He brings him food when he thinks he might be forgetting to eat and brings him a pair of clothes when he doesn't come home for long stretches. Every time namjoon’s secretary thanks jimin.

-  Until one time she asks about you- it’s been a while since she anyone other tht jimin and Jimin devolves into sobs so quickly that he can't even speak. Namjoon is at the door, pulling off his tie in a single motion. as he answers his secretary with as soft a voice as he can before he takes jimin back into his office. “y/n left us 2 months ago”

- Jimin spends the rest of the day curled up in the hollow of namjoon’s couch, the settet in his office usually meant for his clients. looking out the window as the city slowly turns from balmy summer day into cool night. 

- Namjoon wakes him with a kiss on his cheek and a quiet smile, “let's go back, yeah?” Jimin can't help but notice how not even Namjoon uses the word home anymore. 

- Namjoon comes home with jimin that night, for the first time in nearly a week he steps inside his own home. Jimin quickly goes to use the restroom while Namjoon takes off his shoes and hangs up his expensive suit jacket.  

- Jimin finds Yoongi passed out on the bathroom floor- but peculiarly a blanket over his shoulders and a cold towel on his neck as he snores softly. Jimin’s puzzled for a moment before he realizes that it must have been left by Hoseok. 

- In the darkness of the apartment Namjoon registers Hoseok on the balcony. At first he thinks it’s strange that he didn’t bother to turn the light on, not looking at the sky but looking at the ground with a feeling like longing.  

- Namjoon put’s two and two together- and it feels like someone’s just electro shocked his heart back to life after a heart attack. 

- “Hobi!” Namjoon wrenches open the balcony door, dragging Hoseok back into the living room, arms around his shoulders. He lets out a single aborted whine but   moves with him. Moves lifelessly, his eyes still dropped looking empty and so desolate.

- “What are you thinking about Hoseok? Where you going to-” his throat closes around the word, as namjoon gently sits him  down on the couch and paces. trying not to let his ajitation show. Jimin comes at the shout, and when Namjoon berates Hoseok he watches with wide eyes, and puts two and two togeather.  

- “Where you going to jump?” jimin says in a quiet voice- because fuck, he almost screwed up again and Hoseok flinches and looks away from them- and it’s as much on an admission as they need. His fingers tightening into fists. “i was going to- i was just thinking-” he rubs angrily at the furious tears, fuck this right now- this is also his fault. hoseok just keeps fucking up dosent he. 

- Jimin and Namjoon yell at him but he never gives it up. Never tells them that he was surely thinking about jumping, any more than that. The next day Namjoon takes a day off work and installs a lock on the balcony door. it might not be the most- personal aproach, but he dosen’t know what elce to do. 

- he puts the key next to your old key in your mug that still sits on the mantle, growing dusty. So that if Hoseok wants to unlock the balcony again he’ll have to look at pictures of all of them. And realize what he’ll be leaving if he does it. 

- They sign Hoseok up for therapy, and they make him go, even if its not healthy. 

- Jimin ferries himself in-between everyone, His caregiver instincts are thrown into overdrive in general. Occasionally when Namjoon comes home early in the morning or very late at night he finds jimin cringing over a dinner he’d made hours ago, not a single bite eaten. 

- And every single time Jimin asks Namjoon “are you leaving us too hyung?” and every time Namjoon answers that no, of course he’s not.  But the omega’s sense of self-esteem has been ruined by the last few months, and now he doesn’t believe Namjoon, not the second time he says it or the third or the tenth.

- His emotions are sharp, and in the time since you’ve left- without even a text to let jimin know you where alive-  Jimin starts to wonder if it could be his fault that you left. Maybe he didn’t love you enough- fuck his past self for ever choosing hoseok over you, even in the lsight way he had during your argument. Maybe you were his other half and he wasn’t yours. 

- Maybe if he had been a skinnier- or prettier boyfriend you wouldn’t have left him. Maybe it was too late to get you back, but it wasn’t too late to make sure the others never left. he couldn’t take care of you well enough to keep you then he certainly isn’t going to be careless enough to lose anyone else. 

- Jimin has always been good at hiding things- he hid his feelings for you for ages for peat's sake. And it’s not like it’s really hard to hide the fact that he’s not eating. Yoongi’s too drunk half the time to notice anything but a bottle and Hoseok is so wrapped up in his own self hate that he doesn’t notice that Jimin never eats with him anymore.  The only one who he really has to hide from is Namjoon, but he’s home so irregularly that It’s not hard to say that he ate at a reasonable time, and it’s even easier for Namjoon to believe him when he says that. 

- But he’s stringing himself out and Namjoon can see that, not the anorexia that’s come back to jimin, but the tiredness. jimin is so exhausted, he always wears one of the alphas sweaters, to keep away the cool chill that hasn’t left him. it could just be his anorexia, but jimin really hasn’t felt warm since you left.    - Even Yoongi can in the few moments that he’s sober anymore and Jimin isn’t running a hand down his back as he vomits his guts up into a toilet, when a hangover isn’t dragging him down into the ocean of sadness like a led weight and Yoongi confides himself to the bed and subsequently, Hoseok’s arms.  

- But he sees the bags hanging on Jimin's eyes. and similarly, Yoongi’s hands start to shake in the morning. Jimin notices.

- They try to convince Yoongi to stop drinking. This results in more than one terrible fight that ends with Yoongi breaking glasses and slamming a door. But Jimin still washes the vomit off of him in the mornings. This time with Namjoon helping him pull the rapper into bed. 

- The therapy slowly starts to help Hoseok get out of bed more. Soon Jimin doesn’t have to bribe him with waffles or pancakes or a stop at an ice-cream store on their way home, (Jimin is determined to feed Hoseok even if he can't quite muster himself to eat most days) and soon Namjoon and Jimin don’t even have to walk him to the meetings too make sure he goes. he gets on medication, and it helps. it really does. 4 months after you leave, hoseok can belive most days, that it’s going to be okay. 

- in the evenings, he and jimin sit on the couch, and talk about you more than they ever did when you where here, the memories that they don’t want to forget, the happy times. both of them make kisses out of their sad smiles. at least until they decide it’s time to go get yoongi. he usually never lets them drag him out of a bar if its before 1am. sometimes, hoseok goes with him just to keep track of him.  

- Namjoon makes the decision to take less casework when he sees how his family is falling apart with Jimin barely keeping them afloat. Namjoon tells him how thankful he is, and apologizes one night when they’re walking to drag Yoongi back from a bar. Only to be startled out of the most intimate conversation they’ve had in months by a tangle of shouts and the unmistakable sound of a fist hitting a face with fervor. 

- They run into Yoongi’s usual bar, Omela’s, to find him grinning and laughing with a split lip and saying, “come on? Didn’t anyone ever teach you how to fight I’m sure you can hit harder than-“ they both watch with horror, frozen as Yoongi gets hit again, the sound a crack as Yoongi chuckles through the blood in his mouth. Namjoon holds the other man back as Jimin picks Yoongi up through his tears and tries to steady him, dragging him out of the door with his limited strength, his arms protesting, atrophied. 

- as Namjoon bites his tongue and manages to placate the bartenders, bouncers, and the other man who’s getting dragged out of the bar too. Namjoon takes Yoongi from Jimin just as black spots start to dance in his vision, in the same moment that Yoongi decides to vomit on Jimin’s shirt.

- “I’m sorry minnie” Yoongi says, so delirious at this point that he doesn't realize that he’s changed hands. looking up at namjoon and licking at his bloody lip, “oh! joonie!” 

-Jimin wipes his hands on the concrete before he groans and just asks to go home. Hoseok materializes in the doorway with a broom when they spill inside. lately, he’s taken to cleaning as a way to distract himself and drops everything to help Namjoon get yoongi to the bathroom without getting throw up on the walls. dabbing at his split lip with a cold cloth. 

- Tired in the entryway, jimin’s so lethargic that he takes his shirt off right there, after toeing off his shoes. He throws it away, electing that the thick sweater was not worth saving, it’s yoongis- so jimin cant imagine he’ll get angry at jimin for throwing it out. He goes to their walk-in closet so delirious as his eyes drift to your side of the closet. 

- It’s still empty after all these months, with only Namjoon’s old sweatshirt hanging, and the shirt of jimin’s that you loved to wear to sleep folded on your shelf. Jimin picks it up, thinking for a moment, wondering if he should let you go and wear It again. maybe holding onto you in his memory is worse then letting you go. 

- In the quietness of his contemplation he doesn’t hear Hoseok walking behind him, he’s carefully holding an overfull cup of tea, as his eyes flicker up to look at jimin’s bare body, he slips, the cup dropping to the floor in shock. 

- its been months since hoseok has seen jimin without a shirt. and Hoseok can see every single one of jimin’s ribs. his sternum a sharp plank, his skinny jeans that used to be so tight they were almost painful are hanging off his hips attached only by the tightest setting on his belt. Jimin turns, sees Hoseok standing there open-mouthed, a single tear slipping out of the side of his face, Jimin scrambles to tug a baggy black sweatshirt over his shoulders and push past Hoseok without looking at him. 

- This starts their worst fight in months when Hoseok follows jimin to the kitchen, and Jimin tries to throw off hoseok’s hands as he shouts at him to stop for a second. Namjoon and even yoongi hear, though Namjoon puts yoongi in  bed (and on his side) before he goes to see what this fight is about. Namjoon and Hoseok argue with Jimin late into the next day, finally convincing him to at least take some supplements before he goes to bed. 

- “I'm really fine- theres nothing to worry about.” And “I’m perfectly healthy Hyung” and “stop being so fucking overbearing” are things that get said before they finally convince him to at least take some supplements before he goes to bed. 

- when he wakes up he finds a plate full of his favorite fruits and vegetables (they know him well enough that they won't try to give him protein this early in the recovery process- the first time they had helped him through this it had taken him a month to even eat something as colorie heavy as eggs)

- Hoseok sits with him until he’s finished at least half of it.  

- Despite the fact that Namjoon’s really the only one left on even ground, Hoseok steps in to watch Jimin, even managing to convince him to go to therapy a few times, though it’s short-lived, because if there’s one thing that Jimin hates more than anything it’s someone that doesn’t know him butting into his personal business.

- Like Hoseok, Jimin slowly gets better. In the mornings: Hoseok slowly runs his hands over Jimin's sides, a way to remind himself that he has people who are counting on him, and he can’t slip into the dark place of self-loathing he was in before. Though he’s not really out- he still has the days where he finds himself staring at the balcony door and the days where he couldn’t get out of bed. 

- Hoseok talks to Namjoon about moving, and they decide that yes- it’s time for a move for all of them. 

- And they find an actual house, one that’s a little way out of the city but surprisingly not so much longer of a commute with the train station being just down the street, with lots of windows and a balcony like before (but on ground level) and even a garage, as well as a small vegetable garden in the back. There's two spare rooms- one that Namjoon plans on making into a studio for yoongi- not that he’ll really use it. 

- Yoongi grumbles through the entirety of it- he’s the only one who’s against the move at first- he’s reluctant to move so far away from the bars, he’s lost a lot of weight too, especially since he’s been vomiting up more than usual. All it takes is a few drinks.

- Jimin understands it- kind of, how expelling food from one's body feels like purging bad thoughts and regaining just a little bit of control of this situation that they’ve all found themselves in. He hopes that restarting their life in a new location will help steady Yoongi. 

- they all have their addictions, for jimin it was starving himself, for Namjoon it was work, for yoongi is was alcohol, and for Hoseok it was sadness and self-hurt so deep he was determined to drown himself in it. to be so far submerged that he didn’t have to face the fact that he fucked up. It had taken him weeks to pull himself out of that- and now he was determined to drag yoongi out of the puddle too. 

- They get to packing up their whole life, the whole apartment. leaving their closet for last. that fucking closet. Jimin sees your sweatshirt of namjoon’s hanging in that god damned closet that’s always been too small. but regardless of that- He remembers how happy you were to move into this place with them. how you looked around every corner with amazement. he remembers clearing out this cubby for you to put a few things, before you’d moved out of your last apartment. 

-  jimin shows up to namjoons office holding it, crying so hard he can barely see.  barging in with a meeting that wasn’t so important, and Namjoon barely catches jimin when his knees give out, as he begs Namjoon to not move, to not buy the house and leave your little box of an apartment below the stars, because if they move out- you won't have any way to find them. 

- Namjoon pulls out of the deal to buy the house that day, with his hands shaking as everything rushes for him, all of the emotions that he’d been shoving down and ignoring over the last few months coming to the surface and no matter how hard he swallows they just bubble up. namjoon rubs at his eyes until his skin starts to hurt.  

- and when they get home and tell yoongi and Hoseok, yoongi tries to leave immediately for the bars, “you're a fucking idiot if you think drinking yourself into an early grave will stop this from hurting” namjoon sobs, and for the first time yoongi stops dead in his tracks, stepping out of his shoes, 

- joon doesn't cry often, but everything been so bad recently and as much as it hurts all he wants is his family to be whole again. And while that will never happen without you- he can at least try to keep what's left of it afloat “can’t you see that we need you? that I need you?” he pleads, his watery eyes filled with longing as he looks at yoongi in the doorway.

-  And for the first time, yoongi turns back around and falls into namjoon’s arms, Hoseok and Jimin join in, and the four of them kiss each others faces trying to brush tears away. 

- Before if they all ended up sleeping in the same bed together it was an accident perpetrated by one or more of it’s inhabitance being so intoxicated, sad or stressed that it hardly felt like the bed was full. But that night Jimin curls up on top of namjoon’s chest and Hoseok and yoongi curl on either side of Namjoon. And he feels a little suffocated but he also feels a little better. Like for the first time they can survive you leaving them. 

- They have peace for around a week before Namjoon gets called away on a case a few city’s away, he’s reluctant to leave his family, especially since they all seem stable for once. Yoongi hasn’t had a drink in almost 6 days, and though he’s spent most of the last week shaking under a heated blanket while he barks insults at anyone who walks through the door with a biting sarcasm. he does go to AA once, maybe even twice a day when he can find a meeting. Jimin goes with him always, and Hoseok has returned to working at his dance studio full time. 

- But Jimin assures him (after finishing a full bowl of cereal without being prompted) that he can handle Yoongi. And Namjoon relents, because it will only take him a week or two.   

- And Namjoon gets on the plane with a week's worth of clothes, unbeknownst to him- heading straight for the city where you currently reside.

----------------

(this is where the majority of my highly edited words for this story stop; and i have a few snippets left but nothing of this lenght)

[seijorhi]

Head empty, thoughts only of your Like Nobody Else fic. I know it's been months but I still haven't gotten over this story 😔💞 (i hope you dont mind me asking) How would the boys treat their s/o? (Especially after what happened in the closet, I think she would be terrified of them) Would they try to act like normal bfs? Or would they use her fear against her?

Hi bby, sorry it’s taken me like a week to get around to this ask!!

TW implied dub-con

So I think that both Oikawa and to a lesser extent Iwa view fear as a useful tool, but it’s not the endgame. They are your soulmates, they want you to love them - whatever you may believe it’s why you have their words on your skin, and why they wear yours.

They don’t want you flinching away from their touches, but fear does have a funny way of making you compliant. It stops you from acting out, from trying to do a silly thing like run away from them. Nobody would believe you anyway - soulmates don’t hurt each other, they love each other - and if memory serves, you were begging for them to let you cum by the end of it. It’s fear in your eyes when they corner you after practice, a smirk on Iwa’s face as he tugs you towards the showers, but you don’t lift a finger to stop them because what if they do something worse? The last time Oikawa had punished you it was because he’d found out you were trying to change classes - you hadn’t been able to sit for a week without wanting to cry. They don’t go out of their way to hurt you, they’re not sadists, but sometimes they can get a little carried away - especially when they’re balls deep inside of you.

But they do love you, and whether you ask for it or not, they’ll treat you like you’re all in a perfect, loving relationship. You don’t go anywhere without at least one of them attached to your hip. Your lunches are spent in Oikawa’s lap, Iwa’s fingers threaded through yours while they chat with Makki and Mattsun. Your friends might as well not exist anymore - the only other people you’re allowed to be around is the volleyball team, and even then, only when they’re there with you. They dote on you, sneak kisses (and sometimes more) between classes, treat you to nice things when you’re a good girl for them - and of course like any good relationship, it’s all about give and take.

Over time, things settle. They don’t need to threaten you because you know you belong to them. You know you love them. It’s better when you’re not afraid of them, when they can shower you with all the love and affection until you’re almost drowning in it without you tearing up and quietly begging for them to stop. They adore you - their beautiful, perfect soulmate. They just can’t help it if they get a little jealous and possessive sometimes.

[shadow-assassin-blix]

Be Still, My Heart

PART 2

Marcus Pike x Tatted/Pierced!Reader

A/n: Pasts relationships are revealed. Possible hints at the future. Did I make up the story about his ex wife and gave it a little extra angst? Yeah. But is all good. Steel will heal him. 

Everything tag: @mikeisthricedeceased   

Pedro tag: @m-1234 @fioccodineveautunnale @artsymaddie​

The next morning Steel was pacing in and out of her closet, trying to figure out what to wear for her lunch date. Nothing fit right, this dress made her look fat, that one made her look like a square. That out fit had too many holes or had a strange stain? She couldn’t figure out from what??

She had thrown out half her closet onto her bed and was growing frustrated as time passed. She had showered that morning and was walking around in a robe with her hair air drying. She fiddled lightly with her lip piercing as she stared at her dwindling closet and the pile of clothes on the bed.

She had an hour left before Marcus would arrive and she had no idea what to wear. Should she wear something cute? Or should it be something comfy since they would be also be working on packing up her house? Why was this so difficult? She sighed loudly, running her hand over her face, exasperated.

She began giving herself a pep talk, “Marcus doesn’t care what you look like. You could literally wear a burlap sack and he’d think you were hot. Just grab some jeans and a cute top and go.”

She did just that after a moment of more debating, finalizing the outfit. She threw on some flats, just as she heard the doorbell ring. She moved downstairs, to the door, opening it with a smile.

Who she saw there was not who she was expecting.

“Valentina. What… what are you doing here?” She asked nervously.

“Heard you were moving. That true?” Valentina asked casually, leaning against the door-jam.

Valentina was a teenaged girl, with long dark curly hair, bright hazel eyes, and tanned skin. She looked every bit of her Latina background.

“Yes. I’m being transferred to DC. What… why are you here honey?” She questioned, her eyes darting around as she looked for any sign of oncoming trouble.

“My brother misses you. He won’t say it, but he does,” Valentina mentioned with a shrug.

Steel didn’t know what to say that. Her brother was named Felix, and he was the reason why she wound up having to leave the gang unit.

She had developed feelings for him while undercover, and when he found out she was a federal agent, he had nearly killed her and her partner.

“Sweetie… does he know you are here?” Steel inquired with a small sigh.

“No. He doesn’t. I just… I missed you too,” Valentina confessed as she fiddled with her fingers.

Steel felt her heart break a little at that.

“Honey… I miss you as well, but it’s… I…” Steel struggled to speak.

As she struggled to find the words to say to her, Marcus had pulled up, and was making his way to the door. He slowed a bit as he reached the two of them.

“Hey, who is this?” He wondered as he stopped near them.

“No one important apparently,” Valentina huffed as she turned and walked away.

Steel tried to stop her, but Valentina had picked up her pace, and disappeared down the street.

“I interrupted something important, I feel,” Marcus said uncertainly.

“It’s… a long story. Um. I can… explain over lunch,” Steel replied somewhat deflated.

She grabbed what she needed for their lunch date, her purse and phone, and locked up before leaving.

They went to a small café nearby that served sandwiches and wraps; once they had their food, they sat outside eating peacefully.

“Did… did anyone tell you why I was transferred out of the gang unit?” Steel began after a few bites into her wrap.

“No. I heard rumors, but I wasn’t going to pay them much mind. I figured you would explain it fully one day,” Marcus noted with a thoughtful look.

“I was undercover… and I fell in love with the worst possible person. The leader of this up-and-coming gang. Felix. He… could be extremely charming. I fell for him hard. I spent 3 years undercover, and when it was revealed that I was federal agent… he lost it,” She continued, staring at her wrap, no longer hungry.

“What do you mean he lost it? What did he do? Did he hurt you?” Marcus asked, concern growing with each question.

“He… badly hurt my partner and shot me. Left me for dead. I’m not going to go into details, but the damage he did to my partner was so great that… they wound up leaving the agency. I was given the choice to either transfer or take early retirement, at half benefits. We… had disgraced the agency essentially. So… here I am,” She finished with a weak smile.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that. So, the girl who came to see you, she’s…?” He gently prompted.

“His kid sister. Valentina. I adored her. She’s a good kid. Straight A student who wants to be a doctor of some sort when she grows up. I dont know why she came to me today, she heard I was moving, I guess. I was nervous cause Felix usually doesn’t let her go too far without him. Figured he had come to finish the job,” Steel shrugged, taking a somewhat shaky sip of her drink.

Marcus nodded, “She probably cares for you. If you were in her life for 3 years, she’s probably attached to you. Don’t blame her. You are pretty wonderful.”

Steel smiled, looking away at the compliment. They finished their meal, silently. Steel had lost a great deal of her appetite and had only had a couple more bites, before giving up entirely.

They got into Marcus’ car; however, Marcus didn’t start it. He looked at her for a moment.

“Where would she be at this time?” Marcus asked her.

“Huh? Where would who be?” She was confused.

“Valentina. Where would she be at, at this time of day?” Marcus clarified.

“Probably home. Why?” She was still confused.

“Listen. In less than a month, you will be in DC. Do you want to leave here, knowing that she’s still upset about what happened or do you want to give her some sort of closure?” He insisted as he looked at her softly.

Steel was silent for a moment. She quietly told him the address, knowing on some level he had a point.

30 minutes later, they were parked outside a large apartment complex, and she could see many gang members walking around. Toward the center, she spotted Valentina…with Felix. She hated that as she looked at him, her heart still raced.

“Do me a favor… stay in the car please. I can’t lose another partner. Or someone else I care a great deal for. So, no matter what happens… stay here,” She quietly pleaded with him.

She stepped out, taking a deep breath. She strode forward toward Valentina, wincing slightly as she noticed that the conversations all around her dying as people recognized her.

“Valentina,” She called out, once she was close.

Valentina whipped her head toward her, staring at her surprised, before she rushed over to hug her.

“Why are you here? Did you come here to see me? Or Felix?” Valentina rattled off questions left and right.

However, her questions went in one ear and out the other as she made eye contact with Felix, who stared at her with a confusing look. Part of him looked angry, and another part…looked oddly… relieved to see her?

“I’m just here to talk to Valentina for a moment. Is that okay?” She requested as her body tensed when he started to move toward her.

He simply nodded his head. She pulled Valentina someplace quiet, away from the others to talk. She tried to explain everything that had happened between her and her brother. About who she was, her job and such. Valentina listened to her, and when she was done, Valentina said she understood.

“I get it… I also know… you wouldn’t have arrested my brother. You love him. Or you did. But you also love me and know that he’s the only family I have and arresting him would lead to me being in the foster system. And we both know you wouldn’t allow that, so you’d probably adopt me… well. Damn. Now that I think about it that’d be cool…” Valentina rambled.

“Language. And you are probably right… I wouldn’t have arrested him… which is somewhat problematic as a federal agent. I just… needed to let you know… that just because we aren’t together anymore…doesn’t mean I stopped caring about you,” She assured in a low voice.

“In fact…” She trailed off as she grabbed Valetina’s phone.

She tapped in her new phone number, saving it as a new contact.

“If you are ever in trouble, call me, text me, send a pigeon with a scroll. I don’t care. The second you are in trouble and Felix can’t get you out of it, you get ahold of me. No matter how far I am or what time it is, I will come help you, okay?” Steel assured her as she handed the phone back to her.

Valentina nodded rapidly, throwing her arms around her neck, in a tight hug. Steel returned the embrace just as tightly.

“Okay. I gotta go. I have to continue packing up stuff and I’m making everyone a little too nervous,” Steel tells her as they pulled away.

Steel escorted her back to Felix, not saying anything to him as she walked back to Marcus’ car.

When she was safely inside his car, and they were driving away, she took a shaky breath.

“Feel better?” Marcus asked curiously.

“Yeah. Gave her my number in case anything ever happened. One day Felix will wind up in jail or worse dead, and she’s going to be alone. The foster system is a rough way of life, especially for teenagers. I… I don’t want her to feel abandoned,” Steel explained, trying to calm her nerves.

Marcus reached over and held one of her hands, his thumb brushing over the back of her hand, soothingly.

“I’m sure she appreciates it. In some ways, Felix probably does too, knowing you’d look out for her. For now… there’s not much you can do,” Marcus said pressing a kiss to her hand, trying to help her calm down.

She had been so nervous and even as she had spoke to Valentina, she worried someone would try to do something to her. Now that she was out of the life-threatening situation, her body was catching up with her mind. Her hands were shaking, and her heart felt like it was trying to escape her chest. It took a few minutes before she was finally able to breathe easy.  

Marcus took her home, and as promised, helped her pack up more of her house. He laughed when he saw the state of her bedroom though.

“Did a tornado attack your closet, honey?” He joked gently bumping his hip to hers.

“I… I wanted to look nice for you… but I couldn’t…figure out what to wear… Not going to lie… you make me nervous… Keep hoping I won’t mess up and scare you off,” She stated bashfully.

Marcus stared at her in awe for a moment, “I make you nervous? Hell… here I was… afraid I’d scare you off.”

“Guess it’s a good thing that we agreed to take this slow then eh?” Steel weakly joked.

Marcus pulled her close, arms resting around her waist. She placed her hands on his biceps, as he held her to him.

“Look. We both… have had rough time in the relationship department. I’m sure… you heard about me and Lisbon. You may have also heard that I am divorced,” Marcus started, his hands rubbing soft circles into her back.

“Yeah. I have. Still trying to figure out the whys because you are… amazing, and sweet. I don’t understand how 2 different women left you,” Steel ranted slightly.

“Lisbon and me…. It was doomed from the beginning I feel. She was just… in denial about her feelings for Jane.  My ex-wife… when we first started off, I worked at an art museum, I had been an art major in college, and life was… dull essentially. I was recruited by a federal agent that frequented the museum and my wife… was okay with it… at first. She slowly drifted away. She had actually begun to see someone else. I was upset, but I thought… it was just because she was lonely. That if I tried to stay home more maybe that would fix things. It didn’t. So, divorce,” Marcus explained wincing at the faces Steel made.

“She…. Cheated on you. She… what? I… You know… I hope I never meet her, cause I will punch her. Repeatedly. With a chair. It would be one thing… if she left because she couldn’t handle this life. I get it, it’s not an easy life. But she cheated on you,” Steel couldn’t fathom it.

“I’ve long since gotten over it, but I felt since you had revealed something rather personal, you deserved to know something about me. Now that the awkwardness is out of the way… let’s see if we can put your closet back together,” Marcus changed the subject, trying to move away.

“Oh no. C’mere,” She stopped, grabbing him by the front of his shirt.

She pulled him down toward her kissing him. She felt him chuckle a moment before he returned the kiss. The kiss was slow and sweet, slowly building in passion. Her arms wound themselves around his neck, keeping him close.

When they finally pulled apart, their breathes were heavy.

“I don’t know what you are used to, but I can tell you one thing. I would never cheat on you or make you feel second best. If we have a problem, we will talk it out like normal adults, with some pouting and a dash of brooding,” Steel said with a laugh.

“Agreed. I would never hurt you; I hope you know that. Physically or otherwise,” He assured her, looking her in the eyes.

She nodded with a smile, “Now… as much as I would love to just keep kissing you… I really need my clothes off my bed.”

Marcus laughed and began to help her re-hang her clothes. Once her closet was sorted, and she had usable bed again, they made their way back downstairs. They had gotten most of the lower half packed up, the only thing that was left to do was the kitchen. There was a moving company that worked closely with the agency, and Marcus had kindly made sure they added her to the list of people needing to move at the end of the month.

Marcus left before 5, needing to take care of somethings at his place; he left her with a kiss on the cheek, telling her he’d see her tomorrow.

When he left, she checked her phone to see that she had some missed messages. As she looked at them, she realized they were from Valentina.

‘Hi! It’s Valentina’

‘I’m bored.’

‘Felix keeps asking about you. I told him what we talked about. I hope that’s okay?’

She texted her back saying that it was okay.

‘Cool. He might… text you… he keeps looking at my phone.’

Steel quietly sighed, ‘if he does, it’s fine. My concern is you. Not him.’

‘I know. He’d never say it, but he looked relieved when I told him you’d look out for me.’

‘I care about you, even if your brother is an ass. Now, it’s late and a school night. Go finish your homework’ Steel texted her knowing her well.

‘How do you know I have homework?’

‘Because I know you and procrastinating ways. Go do it, eat, and then go to bed.’ Steel replied with a shake of her head.

‘Fiiiinnnneee. Love u.’

‘Love u 2’ she ended the conversation with a sad smile.

She spent the rest of the evening moving boxes around and situating. Making sure heavy boxes were on the ground, and lighter ones stacked on top. She was trying to make it as easy possible, and make sure she didn’t have a 100 tripping hazards.

When it was all said and done, it was close to 9pm. She ate something light before bed, promising herself to get up early and eat a good breakfast to make up for today.

She went to bed, the day’s events hitting her hard. She had been laying down for barely 5 minutes before she was out. Unbeknownst to her… come morning things were going to go downhill quickly.

[skullkid1410]

They saw this huge villa standing still on the middle of the blizzard. Smoke coming out of the chimney, the promise of a warm and cozy place to stay.

"Its late and they must be asleep. If they dont let us in, I'll find a way to break in and maybe we can hide ourselves in the basement"

"Here's the plan Pax. Stay behind me. I'll knock on the door. If nobody answers, we'll check for opened windows around it".

He climbed the steps to the porch and started knocking on the door, multiple times

"I'm coming, i'm coming! Are you guys thieves or activists? Cause I said a thousand times, I WON'T BE CHANGING MY WORD ABOUT THE COASTLINE DEVELOPMENT PROGRAM, this town need the money godamnit. ARE YOU THIEVES OR ACTIVISTS? If not, come inside. If you are, go back to where you came! I've got a deadly dog inside, starving for human flesh" - Answered a distant voice coming from inside the house

Pax was nervous about the whole situation, and the memories of all the psycho horror movies Brodie forced him to watch came to his head. Nothing good happens on situations like this.

"Brodie this guy must be cuckoo. Who would let us inside this time of the night without even checking who it is?"

But brodie is never scared of anything. Ever.

"I know, i know. But know what? We're not in a position to be picky. Let's get inside".

The house was HUGE, warm and cozy, besides empty. Lots of crates all around the room. Some opened, others sealed. Sounds of steps came from the top of the stairs.

"My first night in this house and I'm already receiving guests. Odd tho, you guys are not familiar. But you don't seem to be here to steal, kill or kidnap me. Wait, are you in here for it? Nah you aren't, I'd be knocked out already if that was the case. Nice to meet you lads, I'm Darrell. Town's mayor, at your service. Now come inside, let’s seat around the fireplace.”

"So, what brought you boys to my lonely corner of the town? Not gonna lie, I would hate if a police officer knocked on my door right now. Two teenager boys that I never saw in my life before, at this hour of the night... Which trouble have you guys started to be running away like that?"

"Also, this is my dear friend Toby. And yep, as you can see, he's definitelly not deadly and couldn't even kill a fly. So there's no way I can make you harm, and I hope you didn't come to hurt me as well. And please don't rob me. It's been just a few months since I was elected and I still got tons of bills to pay you see"

The mayor seemed to be a very cool guy, and Brodie really felt like he could open up his heart to him. He told him their whole life story. Like he never met his parents, and lived in the orphanage his entire life. He told him how he met Paxton, and how attached they became to each other ever since. How they lost any hopes of being adopted since they were too old for that, especially Brodie, 17 years old. Darrell listened to the whole story with atention. It was so good to talk with someone that actually cared to listen. Been ages since the boys met a guy like him.

"You see guys, I don't think I'll ever be able to even imagine the pain you have been through. I do understand how does it feel to be an orphan, since I never met my parents too. I grew up inside a boat, and worked with fellow sailors since I was 5. I wouldn't be able to reach where I am right now, If it wasn't for people that helped me before. Maybe that's destiny knocking on my door and telling me its time to pay off...

"I don't have a clue of what am I gonna do to help you two. But, let's do it like this: You guys stay over for the night, I'll cook you some food in the morning, and then we can talk about this whole situation. I don't promise any miracles, but I'll do the best I can".

The boys couldn't even believe their ears. The help they've been asking for such a long time, finally came. And it felt good. Tonight they are gonna sleep under a real roof. On a real comfortable bed.

"Mr. Darrell, I don't think I'll ever be able to repay your kindness. Thank you very very much" - Said the boy with tears of happiness and relief in his eyes

"Nah, that's okay. Brodie, is it? Now follow me boys, I'll show you where youre gonna sleep. And I hope you don't mind sharing the bed. The other guest room is occupied by Toby. Oh, and please, be good lads and don't try to stab me while I'm sleeping right?"

The boys followed Darrell through the big staircase and a long narrow corridor, until they reached a big room with a cannopy double bed and three huge windows, with views to the sea. The snow was falling down but a very blurry ray of light could be seen on the distance - the beam of the old light tower.

"Man, this is FANCY. I don't think I ever walked inside a cool room like this. And this bed man, so freakin soft" - Said Brodie while jumping on the bed

"too bad we have to share it" - replied Paxton

"Aw, so is it? Too old to share the bed with me? I'll definitely remember that next time you wake me up screaming in the middle of the night because of nightmares you had" - Replied Brodie while tickling and messing Paxton's hair

"oh no man, that's not it. You know you are my favourite pillow. It's just that, I'm wondering how GOOD it would feel to sleep alone in such a giant bed like this... so much space you know? Way better than park benches".

"haha I know pax my boy, don't worry. Also you are not the little guy I met anymore. Now, go have a shower and don't forget to brush your teeth. I don't wanna be awaked by your bad breath in the morning"

"I think I got sooo used to things going wrong that, now that our chances are getting better, I can't even believe my eyes. I'm not sure what the mayor will fix to us, but if we are to start a new life, I'm sure I'll have to be stronger than ever. Not just for me but for pax".

"He is too young, too naive, too weak for this world. His heart is too good to be broken. Gosh, I don't even like to imagine the idea of him getting hurt, or people doing bad to him. I don't want him to starve or to sleep on the floor anymore. And i'll work really hard ensure he'll get a better future. Maybe even better than mine".

He approached pax' ears, and whispered in a really gentle tone:

"You hear that little guy? I will do whatever I can to make up to you. Life's not being kind to us, I know. But I'll fight even harder and i'll be even stronger for the both of us. I love you too much to see you suffer like I did".

"BRODIE BRODIE WAKE UP! ARE YOU FEELING THAT SMELL? THAT'S PANCAKES!! AND IT'S NOT EVEN CHRISTMAS YET!"

"HOLY CRAP MAN! QUICKLY, CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES! oh boy, I'm gonna eat a WHOOOOOOOLE stack of them".

"Good morning boys! You won't believe what i heard today while grocery shopping on the town. Word is, two boys - a short brunette one and the other taller and ginger haired, ordered two large meals on the boardwalk diner last night, and sneaked out the damn place without paying their bill! Too good for them that I paid the bill and explained the waitress that my nephews are in town visiting their old uncle and, since I am the mayor, they tought it was okay to do it. Funny story isn't it? Now, let's talk business. Sit down, I cooked some pancakes".

"So, I've been thinking about our talk last night, and I think I know a way to help both you and me. I won't call the cops nor the counselors cause I do feel your story and also, that would be bad business for me. Lot's to explain. And I can't take you both under my roof, cause I'm a loner you know? Toby is my only friend and I'd rather things to stay that way. Also, I'd suck as a parent. Too much attachment involved, not for me"

"So here's the deal. There's a very old house in the pier. Very old. It was the death place of Brindleton bay's founder. And people won't allow me to demolish it, folks say it's important to preserve the story of the town. Bullshit if you ask me. But, since the house is useless cause i'm already spending a lot of cash with the coastline development project and can't spare a single simoleon to restore it, I'll leave the keys to you. That's it. You guys can stay there. And as long as you don't give me ANY REASONS to evict you, I won't. Simple as that. Oh and of course, to any matter of effects, you are my nephews now and you'll be frequenting the school. Cause if you DO give me headaches, that's one less problem to discuss with the guardianship counselors. Got it?"

"thank you so freakin much Mr. Darrell. You are the best thing to ever happen in our lives" - Said Brodie, while giving the old man a very strong hug

"Nah, that's okay. But listen to me boys. No mischief. I already paid my debts with destiny twice - by letting you stay and by fixing you this house. Don't give me a reason to regret it. I won't be able to help you anymore if you do. And yes, I'll be checking up on you two. Good grades on the school, don't want folks to think my nephews are stupid"

"Hurry Paxton! It will be school time in just a couple of hours! And I'd love to freshen up before we have to leave!"

The boys runned like they never did in their lifes, crossed the whole city in less than an hour. Their hearts pounding with excitement. A house, to call their own, they couldn't believe it. Too good to be truth.

"Here we are. The only abandoned house of the pier. That's got to be the one".

A big wooden house could be seen in the distance, with old planks covering the windows and dead bushes in the front. As they approached it, they noticed the front porch covered by old letters and overdue bills. In other circunstances, the house would scare the shit out of the boys. But in this day and time, it felt like the most beautiful place they've ever put their eyes on".

"Pax quick give me the keys. Oh never mind, the door is unlocked"

A hot and moldy breath blew from inside the dusty rooms straight to their noses, making the boys sneeze. The house was old, dark and dirty, with a very eery aura to it. But it was home. Their home. With many rooms to explore and a lot of work to do. , making the boys sneeze. The house was old, dark and dirty, with a very eery aura to it. But it was home. Their home. With many rooms to explore and a lot of work to do.

"I am so freakin happy I think I might have a heart attack. CANT BELIEVE IT BRODIE WE DID IT! WE FOUND OURSELVES A PLACE".

With tears falling from his eyes and a lot of relief inside his chest, Pax gave Brodie a long and strong hug. Brodie on the other hand, was holding his tears to the maximum. He didn't want Pax to see him cry.

And with a kiss on his forehead, he dried pax's tears with his fingers

"Come on dude, let's check the place out".

"Hey brodie, look at those muddy paws on the floor... d, do, d.. do you think there's a stray dog around?"

"Chill out pax. Those paws seem to be old. And if we do find a dog in here, we can easily scare him away. Stay inside and look around the house, I'll check the backyard. Oh and if you find the toillet, please brush your teeth. Your breath smells like fart right now, you're gonna scare your classmates".

Brodie, stepped out of the house and just couldn't believe his eyes

"Hello little guy! Watcha doing on this place alone? Lost your mom? Are you an outcast like us?"

"Aaaaw, you couldn't even hurt a fly now, could ya? Sooo adorable. Say what, we are adopting you. Wanna live with us? Good boy, good boy, I like you already. Hey pax, check it out"

"Jesus christ man, that's a wolf cub. Do you really think it is a good idea? I mean, he'll get older.. and hungrier"

"Nah pax, that's okay. We'll train him and teach him to eat only dog food. If we are to live in this house by ourselves, we need a bodyguard to protect us. Right wolfie? That's it my boy, I'm gonna call you Wolfie. Do you know to howl Wolfie? Do it after me - aawoooh!”

[rymndsmth]

**** alphabet (ft. raymond smith)

this was a request from an anon so uhh. here it is! (also i censored it because i dont want tumblr to come for me, and it’s the first one of these i ever did so be nice)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Ray is comforting. He kisses you softly, especially over those spots he tends to grip you hard during sex-your hips, thighs. A quick shower with you afterwards is always preferred, but if you’re too knackered, he just helps you with the essentials. A good snuggle, however, is non-negotiable. Ray likes to be the big spoon, enveloping your body with his as he nuzzles your neck. 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Nothing drives him crazier than feeling your hands touch his back. Your soft fingers caressing from the base of his spine to his neck never fails to make every inch of him stand to attention. As for you, god, it was nearly impossible for him to single out which part of your body was his favorite. Nearly. 

He loved your legs. The curves of your supple thighs, your calves. His favorite feeling in the world was how they felt wrapped around his waist as he drove into you endlessly, feeling your muscles flex and coil. Their silkiness against him as you lied lazily in bed came a close second. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

The sound you made when you were just about to cum was one he ached to record. Breaths going in and coming out, each quicker than the last until they seemed to cease entirely. And then that little ah. With your brows furrowed, and your mouth agape, you’d finish it off with some combination of Ray, fuck yes! or right fucking there, please don’t stop Ray. It took everything in him not to lose it each time you did.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Ray can be submissive. There are times where he pins you to the bed and fucks you mercilessly, but he desires to be led. He likes it when you pull on his hair harshly, when you tell him to stop messing around and take you harder, deeper, faster. A little bit of degradation is fine too; he gets particularly turned on when you call his efforts pathetic. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

In terms of the amount of people he’s slept with, there actually haven’t been many. Ray isn’t one for casual sex, he usually keeps the same partner for a few months if not years at a time. But he’s always been open and experimental, so he knows how to do quite a wide range of things in the bedroom. 

One time he surprised you by expertly hogtying you after you gave him shit about being neurotic. You were left absolutely defenseless, no amount of writhing helped as he teased you from your hardened nipples to your throbbing core. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Cowgirl. He loves it when you get on top, taking control. Ray got to see your beautiful body on display, your breasts bouncing. He could run his hands up your thighs, grab your hips, give your clit some attention. It was the best of all the world’s possible. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He’s definitely serious about everything he does in the bedroom. What could start out as a fun, banter fueled makeout would always end in a heated round (or two) of sex. In fact, oddly enough the ones that started off light-heartedly ended up being the most passionate. Lots of shoulder and collarbone bites, hickeys on inner thighs, bruised hips. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Ray likes to keep himself trimmed, but not completely bald. Sometimes he would leave a landing strip because you told him you think it’s sexy. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

You’ve never had a lover as romantic as Raymond Smith. He would run warm baths filled with your favorite washes and oils, sometimes adding in flower petals. His hands and lips learned and re-familiarized themselves with every square inch of your skin. He was always attentive, listening to cues spoken and unspoken about your desires, and fulfilling them well beyond your expectations. 

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Since you two have been together, he rarely needs to take care of himself anymore. But on the rare occasions that he does, he’s definitely thinking about that time he’d taken you in the backseat of his car. It was at the beginning of your relationship, and you’d just been on a date together. He lightly suggested continuing the fun at his place, and the tension was just too much to bear. 

He would tug at his swollen cock, remembering how you couldn’t even make it inside. Right there in his driveway, you ripped his clothes off and rode him until your eyes brimmed with tears. It always brought him to his release faster than any round of sex he’d ever had. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Spanking! Ray loved the way your ass bounced and reddened under his palm. He especially enjoyed the high pitched cries and sharp inhales you gave in response, not to mention how your juices coated your folds the more his hand met your flesh. 

He was also very into gagging. Seeing your mouth stretched around the ball, full lips slick and swollen, his cock twitched at the thought alone. 

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He wasn’t awfully picky about where you had sex, but preferred it to be in his home. The room or surface it occurred in depended on his mood. Often, if he was frustrated, he’d take you standing, pressed against a wall in the corridor. When he’d come home and you’d just look too fuckable to resist, he’d give it to you on the dining table. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Ray didn’t have difficulty getting aroused. He could think about the way you chewed on your lip while scanning the book you were currently reading, or the way you ran the top of your right foot over the back of your left calf as you made tea and his pants would tighten. 

If he was crossed with you, though, he was a hard shell to crack. Luckily, you knew all his soft spots, so you’d chip away at his walls one by one. Caressing behind his knees, tracing your hands up his back, biting the skin behind his ear. He fell apart every time. 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Like most men, he’s not fond of having sex while you’re experiencing your time of the month. He also isn’t a fan of being called daddy (i just can’t see it lmfao!!). 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

It was 50/50, but only because you were so damn good at giving blowjobs. Other than that, he would lean more towards giving than receiving. Ray was as good as they got, he knew exactly how to lick and suck, when to pull and how hard. He reveled in feeling you twitch against his face, rubbing your core up and down, back arching as you tried to get as much out of him as possible. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It depends on the circumstances. If he didn’t have a lot of time, Ray liked to pin you to, or bend you over whatever surface was nearby and fuck the breath out of you. Otherwise, he liked to take his time with you. Ray preferred to worship your body, to feel your soft to his hard. He loved taking it slow because it gave him the opportunity to really soak in how lucky he was to be the one making you hiss and moan. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

As a busy man, Ray was a fan of quickies. The pace, intensity, and rawness. It was the only sloppy, disorganized thing he liked in his life. They happened more than he liked, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be mad about that when he was driving in and out of you. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He’s definitely open to experimenting. Ray likes to ask you if there’s anything you’d like to try, and suggests a few things as well from time to time. He tried new positions often, bending you ways you wouldn't have known was possible unless he put you there. 

There were times where he pushed the limits to see if you two would get caught. You nearly were that time you did it in Rosalind’s auto shop. Mickey was running late for a meeting and you made the mistake of bending over in that little black skirt. A few seconds more and his boss would’ve seen more of you than he cared for. 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

There was never a time that he’d tapped out first. To you, his stamina knew no end. Ray’s record was four consecutive rounds, each somehow lasting longer than the last. If you had to guess, you’d say he averaged about twenty minutes for duration. If he really paced himself, he could make himself last up to an hour. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He doesn’t own any toys, but you own a vibrator that he doesn’t mind incorporating from time to time. His favorite thing to do with it was pressing it onto your clit while he ate you out. He also enjoyed watching while you used it solo, how you’d get into it, swirling your hips and massaging your breasts as you neared your climax. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Ray is a firm believer in foreplay, but doesn’t stall too much. Not unless you’ve done something to make him upset with you. Then he turns into the most sadistic asshole you’ve ever met. Your throat would be hoarse from crying out and begging, stomach cramped from him bringing you to the edge only to recede at the last moment. He’d look down at you, a hint of a smile on his lips at his handiwork of completely unraveling you before filling you up.  

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Ray tends to be pretty quiet. He’s the most vocal when your lips are wrapped around him. Groans and grunts leave him as he hits the back of your throat and beyond. He also makes the most delightful noise, something between a moan and a sigh when your walls close in on his cock as you cum. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He onced asked if you wanted to try roleplaying. It did not go as expected. You couldn’t keep a straight face for more than a minute at a time, he was such a horrible actor. And the cowboy hat, as much as you thought it would turn you on in theory, only made you want to break out into fits of laughter. 

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

It stunned you the first time you saw him naked. Ray was carved to perfection like a statue, his skin pulled taut over hills and valleys of muscle. Not to mention the length and width of his cock, it was literally the perfect size. Nine inches if you had to put a number to it. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Ray has a slightly above average sex drive. He’s not bouncing off the walls horny, but he’s pretty much ready to go whenever and wherever. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

It depends on how long you take. Ray likes to comfort you until he feels your breathing even out. Only then is he ready to succumb to sleep himself. 

[cleumz-moved]

part 2 aka autistic dottore

uhh i dont think any tws? autistic meltdowns are mentioned for these hcs but idk if thats triggering to anyone

—

Sometimes he gets so involved in his work that he holes up in his lab for weeks and forgets to take care of himself.

People have to bring him food (as well as remind him to drink smth other than coffee as gently as possible lmao) during that or else he forgets

He goes out of his way to avoid going to meetings even as the other harbingers come in to drag him out him

He's blunt without even trying to be and a lot of times he comes off as sarcastic or sassy when he's not directly trying to be

Hates being touched, especially during meltdowns. It makes his skin crawl and he's most likely to punch someone in the face for touching him

Extremely picky with foods. Likes seafood, hates peaches.

Always forgets to shower (and doesn't like it because of the water texture). Also hates the texture of slimy things and gloves barely help

The Tsaritsa and Pierro are his go-to people to get him out of overwhelming situations when he's having a meltdown. Most of the time this involves escorting him to a closet where he can hole up in until its over

Terrible with directions, has a map of the base just because he gets lost so easily

He never looks at people when they're talking, unless they somehow irritate him. In that case he stares until its unnerving. If someone says a metaphor he stares until they get it and explain

Loud noises bother him so much. Childe speaks loud without really noticing and it always makes him want to scream

He loves chewing on things and thats a great way to calm him down, but because of how sharp his teeth are they almost always get destroyed afterwards. Give him a pen to chew and expect it to be chewed right through in a few hours. (To help this problem, the Tsaritsa made him a chewy object out of rubber that acts like a chew necklace but less stiff bc those hurt his jaw)

Dottore hates bright lights. The lights in his lab are always turned off or dimmed, and if he really needs to see for work he uses a lamp

Gets really bad migraines as a result of too much stimulation

He has to have “alone time” to reset daily, and usually its around 2 hours because he's so cranky. After meetings or other social gatherings the reset period is longer because of burnout.

i have so many hcs for this idiot its not even funny anymore

also fun fact thats literally all just projection from myself and others from a server i was in

— specter

pt 2 of specters lovely fatui hcs <33

also.

dude.

ur gonna make me get 2 attached 2 dottore dammit (its a good thing tho)