#i enjoy my media selectively and am happier for it

[emeraldotter]

lop...

[ilovejevsjeans]

Why '5/10' Ricciardo isn't giving up on his McLaren quest

“Oh, don’t make me do that!”

In a routine McLaren interview with selected members of the media, Daniel Ricciardo is asked to give himself a grade for his performances this season.

“From an on-track point of view, like a results point of view, I wouldn't give myself too much of a flattering grade,” he says. “But I don't want to say what I think! Because that just makes me sound pretty shit.”

After eight races, Ricciardo is ninth in the drivers’ standings. He has finished sixth three times, but never higher. In qualifying, he’s been knocked out in Q2 on three occasions, and in Portugal didn't even make it past Q1. Most importantly, he has less than half the points scored by teammate Lando Norris, who in 2021 has done everything to make Ricciardo's difficult adaptation as glaring as possible.

"On a more positive, on like an off-track grade, I'll definitely give myself a nine," he says. "Definitely, the results aren't through a lack of trying. And I certainly feel like I've put in the work.

"I think it will eventually come to fruition, and it will show. But so far the on-track stuff, I don't know… call it a five out of ten. I'm certainly wanting to improve that."

The start of the 2021 season has been difficult for every driver who's changed teams. But it bears admitting that Ricciardo's struggles are more notable. Sergio Perez has already won a race (admittedly in fortuitous circumstances) for Red Bull, Carlos Sainz Jr is close to Charles Leclerc's points total at Ferrari, Sebastian Vettel is having his renaissance at Aston Martin, and even Fernando Alonso after two years away is now regularly beating Alpine teammate Esteban Ocon.

These guys no longer need to find the words to talk about adaptation, a lack of mileage in pre-season testing and car specifics. They are facing fewer questions of that nature. But not Ricciardo.

"I've been trying to use different kinds of analogies to explain to – without being rude – the outside world, to try and get the words across," he says. "Ultimately, yes, I've been driving F1 for a few years and all the cars are… they're not the same, but it's the same category at least.

"But with some of the way the car is at the moment, some of the quirks and the way it likes to be driven, I'm basically trying to get good at kick a ball with my left foot. My instinct is obviously kick a ball with my right foot, that's easy. But now to really perfect this car, I'm trying to now learn how to kick with my left. That's maybe a good analogy."

Even if it is a good analogy, you'd think a driver of Ricciardo's race-winning calibre should have already figured out that left-foot kick – and he too is keenly aware that it's not a process that can go on forever.

"Once you can kind of balance it on this nice little knife edge, the car can certainly be quick," he explains. "And I think that's probably another way of putting it as well, is that it does have a bit of a sweet spot, but it is just quite small. And obviously, if you're outside of it, then you're not getting the performance.

"Even Lando is saying the car is quite different this year. And, you know, the tyres have changed, and most drivers seem to be commenting about that. And now the floors are narrower at the rear. So there's some changes as well, which maybe even if I was still in Renault or Alpine this year, maybe there would be some similar kind of comments or difficulties.

"But I've got to a point now where I'm also trying not to fill my head with it. It is different, sure. But it can't be different forever. At some point, this is it, this is the car I've got, and 'different' needs to become 'normal' and get on with it."

Ricciardo's difficulties are made more curious by the fact that two years ago he'd already switched teams, and his adaptation from Red Bull to Renault had proved much smoother. But with McLaren it's a different situation, he insists.

"I think, going into a new team, you're always going to have to find or adapt to something," he says. "And I would say adapting to the Renault, I was still able to adapt with a similar driving style or something that was more natural for me. Yeah, the car felt different, but I could still approach it with the same style.

"Where this one now, currently the car feels different. I think the Renault, there was some adaptation but also I could still kind of use my style, call it instinct. Where the McLaren, it's a little more detailed than that, I guess. I look at it as a positive as well, like in the long run if I can learn how to drive with a different style, then I have more tools in my arsenal."

The faster "different becomes normal" for Ricciardo, the better for McLaren. The team is currently fighting with Ferrari for third place in the constructors' standings and needs a strong Ricciardo to hold onto the position it claimed last year.

"I told them, 'I'll be half a second quicker,'" he laughs when responding to a question about whether his expectations of McLaren have matched reality – perhaps hinting that, if there is a side that hasn't had its expectations met, it's McLaren itself.

Yet Ricciardo's broad smile suggests that, for his part, he is satisfied.

"I think, from a team feeling and environment, like I'm very, very, very happy", he says. "I would love to think that they are also happy.

"It's just now really sorting the on-track stuff, and getting, obviously, the stopwatch going. I think we're in a position now where, yes, currently I need to drive this car better. But I think we also don't want to lose, let's call it my strengths and what got me to this position.

"There's also the two-way street of me continuously giving feedback to the team about, 'Okay, what you guys can do better to help me'. They're obviously trying to help me drive the current car, but I'm trying to help them get the car to obviously a happier place [so] that it's not like, you know, [me] overthinking every corner and trying to be with this style here and this style there, ultimately to get to a place where we can drive naturally.

"I think when you're free, that's normally when the lap time comes, so it's a two-way process now. The team has been great, and I want to give them more, absolutely. But I think they also understand that it's a journey. I signed a three-year contract with them. We'd love to have fireworks already, but we know that we've got time on our side to get it right, and go through the process properly.

"I think with McLaren, there's a lot of things I love. They tick every box, and there's always follow-ups. If I ask a question, if they can't answer it immediately, then, you know, I'll be sure to get a phone call or an email or something.

"And they're also very open-minded. There is some new faces in the team. But there's also some people who have been at McLaren for years and years, but they're also not holding on to the world championships from however long ago, they're constantly trying to be better, evolve, stay with the times. The mindset creates a really nice energy in the team and that's really cool."

There's definitely light at the end of the tunnel. Ricciardo enjoyed a strong drive to sixth in the French Grand Prix, pulling off some striking overtakes, while in last weekend's Styrian Grand Prix he could have finished higher than his eventual 13th without a short-lived loss of power that led to him allowing four rivals through on the seventh lap. And, all in all, Ricciardo did score six times in the first eight races of the season.

"It's funny, because I look at Bahrain and I outqualified Lando," he points out. "I think I was the only new driver to do it, you know, in the new team. So it's funny, you look at race one, you're like, 'oh, well this is, you know, a 10 out of 10'.

"But currently, it's probably been a bit of unfamiliar territory. Because normally, especially like qualifying, when I need to pull the trigger, so to speak, I can find the lap time – I don't want to say easily – but relatively comfortable. And it's certainly taking a bit more probably just conscious effort at the moment, so that's where it's been a bit more challenging. But yeah, although my score says 'call it a five' – and it's what it is now – I am uberconfident that increases as the year goes on.

"So panic not, my friends."

In the end, Ricciardo simply has no choice. Whatever it takes, he needs to make it work with McLaren, as it's probably his last chance to go for the title, even if right now it looks like a long shot. Mercedes and Ferrari didn't make a play for his services when he was a free agent, and there's probably no way back to Red Bull either.

If Ricciardo still wants to win the title, he's got to do it with McLaren. And he hasn't got that much time left either.

"I think it was Monaco 2016, where I was talking about my age," Ricciardo, now 32, says. "Now that I've got older, I'm in my 30s, I think the reality is I'll be in this for as long as I want, in terms of the age. At least for now it isn't going to slow me down, not in the next few years.

"If I'm still hungry and determined, I can keep that window open for the title. I'm aware now [a chance] to win five titles is becoming slimmer and slimmer. But still to win one, I think there's time on my side.

"The McLaren one is certainly where my ambition is. And I definitely want to see this one through hopefully with a lot of success." (X)

[secretlittlerandezvous]

Été - Pierre-Luc Dubois

Summary: Pierre takes his love to France where they have the time of their lives. 

Words: 1802

“In this space right here that we have made for each other, you can say anything, and I will not abandon you. Unwrap the worst things you have done. Watch me hold them up to the light and not even flinch.” - tristamateer on Tumblr  

Pierre-Luc Dubois was without a doubt the most romantic and sweetest guy she ever met in her whole life. It was overwhelming at times. The amount of attention he gave her, romantic surprises from dinners to weekend getaways to simply but most importantly being her best friend. He appeared in her life just when she was losing hope there could exist a man who could love her the way she wanted and needed. She knew she could count on him and trust him with everything and no matter how many issues life threw in their way they almost made it out stronger and more in love. What more could she ask for? 

That’s exactly what Pierre wanted to know once the hockey season ended for him and summer was around the corner. He knew how much she had to sacrifice and deal with many things that she didn’t like for the sake of his playing career and he wanted to show her how much he appreciated her patience and support. He asked her countless time if there was anything she wanted to do in summer, anything he could buy her, or make come true but she never said a single thing except for “having you is enough”. It was of course a nice thing to know and to hear but it wasn’t helpful at all. Then thankfully an answer came, quite randomly when they were cooking dinner together and she opened a bottle of her favorite French wine and mumbled the words “oh to be in a winery in France!” And that’s exactly where he was going to take her. 

He planned the whole trip for almost two weeks to make sure everything would go smoothly and that everything would be perfect. He rented a villa on a hilltop surround by land and in a small private winery. The villa was near to historic cities of southwest France, and completely private which was something he craved - privacy. To be alone with his love, away from his teammates and the team’s staff, away from media and fans. Just him and her for once. 

“Are you kidding?” Y/n asked when she opened the little envelope with the details of their vacation in France. “I can’t go to France for 3 weeks Pierre! I have to work.” 

“No, no you don’t,” Pierre laughed and rolled his eyes at her. She could never enjoy a surprise without thinking of a reason why she couldn’t enjoy it. 

“What do you mean? Of course, I do!” 

“You don’t. I talked to your boss already and she doesn’t have a problem with it,” he explained with a soft smile. 

“You’re the best!” She said loudly and jump on him with excitement. “I love you.” 

Southwest France 

When the couple arrived to their rented villa a selection of wines made in the winery they would call home for the next three weeks greeted them in the kitchen and naturally, they opened a bottle or two immediately as a way to start the vacation. 

“Wine tastes better in France,” Y/n announced after she poured herself another glass. “Don’t you think?” 

“I think it would taste even better if we had some food,” Pierre laughed. “Seriously, I’m starving. Let’s go out.” 

“Give me a minute,” Y/n ran to their bedroom, put on a beige silk dress that went below her knees, styled it with a pair of black flats and sunglasses and she was ready to go. 

Pierre waited for her outside in their rented car, a black cabriolet Chevrolet Corvette, the perfect car to discover the city in and for road trips he planned for them. 

A few minutes later they were sitting in possibly the most romantic restaurant they have ever been to. A man was playing the piano somewhere in the garden creating a perfect atmosphere for their first date in France, oil paintings on the walls, flowers decorating all the tables, and the view on a courtyard full of flowers. Could it be more magical? People around them chatted with each other, the beautiful French language almost seemed to be in the rhythm of the piano. And yet as fancy as it was it still felt cozy and homey. Y/n was in complete shock and it took a lot of self-control to stay calm and not to start obsesses over everything and to keep her phone in her bag since she and Pierre agreed not to use their phones and enjoy the privacy but she regretted the promise a little because she really wanted to a take a picture of that place. Pierre liked the setting as well but what made him happier was Y/n’s smile and excitement. Her smile was wider than usual, and her eyes lit up every time she spotted something, she found adorable. 

The sun was slowly setting down while they enjoyed their dinner, the best food they ever had in their whole lives. They’ve been to so many restaurants in so many cities, yet no food tasted as good as the food in France. Needless to mention that the beautiful atmosphere simply made everything better. Pierre although he was a romantic guy, he never truly understood the world’s obsession with Paris and France in general but now that he was there, he finally understood what the world was talking about. Y/n always dreamt of going to France and having a movie-like summer with the love of her life. And as she looked at Pierre sitting in front of her, looking right back at her with so much love she knew with absolute certainty that he was the love of her life, the person she waited for for so long. The only person she could imagine spending the rest of her life with and growing old with him didn’t scare her at all. She knew it was going to be okay. 

The following morning, they both woke up in an exceptionally good mood. Maybe it was the sunshine and warmth, maybe it was the fresh air, the privacy, and maybe the fact that everything was perfect, and nothing could ruin their mood. After a delicious breakfast, they moved to their garden to chill by the pool. 

Pierre was on the sunbed watching Y/n swim in the pool happily. He kept smiling at her although she hardly ever looked at him. She looked happier than ever before and Pierre was proud of himself for planning this and doing this for her because it served its purpose; it made her smile, happy and relaxed. 

When she got out of the water she stood still in the grass, surrounded by the never-ending grapevine, the sun made her skin appear golden and she was glowing, looking like an actual goddess. “What?” She giggled when she noticed Pierre staring at her. 

“Nothing,” he answered. “Just adoring my girl.” 

Y/n then lay down on the sunbed next to Pierre, enjoyed the warmth, and listened to Pierre reading her favorite book for her. The birds sang in the trees, the sun was pleasingly warm and they sipped wine and enjoyed each other’s company. 

All shades of orange and pink created a beautiful sky that made everything look warmer and cozier, the last rays of sunshine sneaked into the villa most specifically to the kitchen where was Y/n currently making dinner while Pierre tries his best to help but not move around too much because his clumsiness in the kitchen was no joke. A warm breeze brushed against their skin and the scent of freshly chopped herbs filled the whole area. Soft jazz was playing in the living room and both Y/n and Pierre moved in the rhythm of the quiet music without realizing it. It was simply a beautiful and romantic evening in France.

“I have no idea what we’re cooking,” Pierre said as he added the chopped herbs and garlic he cut with such care after to the meat that was now covered in red wine and beef stock. “But it already smells delicious.” 

“It’s boeuf bourguignon,” she answered with a French accent making herself and Pierre giggle. “And now we wait for an hour.” She said when she put the meat into the oven.

“This is nice,” Pierre whispered into Y/n’s ear when he wrapped his hands around her body, kissed her cheek softly and they slowly moved together with the music and watched the sunset from their terrace. “It’s nice having you all to myself for a while.” 

“I should be the one who’s saying this,” Y/n said quietly. “I’m the one sharing you with all the fans, and teammates. Even the press people see you more often than I do.” She chuckled. 

“I know,” he answered sadly, realizing once again how hard it must be for her to watch him spend time with everyone but her. “I’ll make it up to you.” 

Y/n turned around with a smile to face him, wrapped her hands around his neck and hid her face in his chest. She knew how much Pierre hated being away from her but she understood everything perfectly and although it was never easy she accepted it. 

Pierre leaned down a little which gave her a signal to lift her head up and his lips gently and slowly pressed to hers. She ran her fingers through his hair while his hands were securely around her waist as if he was worried someone would take her away from him at any moment. “I think I’m gonna make it up to you right now.” He announced and carried her to their bedroom.

And so that’s how the rest of the vacation went; they enjoyed the silence and fresh air, went for walks around the town, cooked food together, and made love whenever they wanted. Most importantly their relationship was even better than it was before, and they realized how much they loved each other. 

“Thank you for this vacation, my love,” Y/n said one evening as they walked around the vineyard. “I can’t describe how grateful I am for this. For you.” 

Pierre stood still for a while unable to find the words to say. He would do anything for her just as she would for him and they both knew it. They had no doubts about their feelings for each other and everything that he could say was already said. And so he just took her into his arms and hugged her tighter than ever before, kissed her and they stayed like that until the sun was replaced by the moon. 

[talkfastromance4]

Sunny days--Luke&Lily oneshot

Copyright talkfastromance4 © All works is intellectual property of the author. All rights reserved. Any redistribution or reproduction or any part or all contents in any form is prohibited. You may not, without written expression and consent from the author, distribute works amongst other social media platforms

a/n: just some fluff with Luke and his lil flowers

donate to my ko-fi here :)

Word count: 1.3k

Masterlist

Luke & Lily Masterlist

Enjoy! :)

• • • •

Luke had been promising you and the girls a day at the beach and while he was in his small studio playing around with his guitar and ukulele, Lily and Posy became restless. You had to constantly remind them that while dada’s door is closed they can’t go inside unless he says so. His soft voice croons beneath the doorway while Lily and Posy are playing silently outside of it. 

“Girls, come away from the door,” you remind them sternly. 

“But he’s taking forever!” Lily pouts rising from her cross-legged position. Posy mimics her sister, a little more wobbly standing up as she’s still getting the hang of walking after turning one last month. 

“I know, sweetheart,” you brush your fingers against her forehead then cup her cheek. “But what does dada do in there?”

“Work,” she responds sullenly. 

“He’ll play with you when he’s finished up, okay? Why don’t you go see what Piggy’s doing?”

Lily sighs, small shoulders slumping forward and grabs Posy’s hand. Posy beams up at you, stomping her feet on the floor as her big sister leads her to their playroom. Making sure they’re playing--some musical toys turn on--you open Luke’s studio door quietly and sneak inside. 

Luke transitions his singing to a melodic hum as he continues to strum his guitar, he gives you a smile when you enter. 

“Hi lovie, are the girls down for a nap? Gonna give me some inspiration?” he smirks, eyes motioning to the couch. Your cheeks warm at the memory of breaking in said couch.

“No, the girls are missing you a little extra,” you give him a look, “you’ve been working all day and they really want to go to the beach.”

Luke stops playing then sets his guitar on the floor holding his hands out for you. You take them and let out a soft squeal as he pulls you onto his lap. 

“I’m sorry, I’ve had this tune in my head I’ve been trying to figure out. Tomorrow, we’ll go to the beach,” he promises with a kiss to your shoulder. 

“You better--”

You’re caught off by quiet giggling on the other side of the door. You and Luke both turn and see two pairs of little fingers wiggling underneath the door. Lily and Posy are begging to come in, their fingers moving under the crack. 

“You girls can come in!” Luke calls with a laugh. 

Lily opens the door and your two girls charge the couch and climb up next to you and Luke.

“Are you done, dada?” Lily asks curling into the circle of his arm. Posy is on his other side playing with his yellow shirt. 

“Yeah I am, sorry I was working so long my sweet,” he apologizes by kissing the top of her head. “What do you say about us all going to the beach tomorrow?”

****

You and Luke were awoken by Lily and Posy climbing on top of you. After some morning cuddles, the four of you meandered down to the kitchen for breakfast. Luke gave you a kiss before lifting both girls in his arms to get them changed while you packed a cooler of snacks and other treats. 

Luke and Lily are singing together upstairs and you can’t help but smile at how sweet their voices are together. Posy tries to sing along as well but her sounds are more of an excited scream. 

When you’re all packed and head upstairs to get changed, Luke and the girls are in matching yellow outfits, a little yellow clip is in Posy’s hair to keep her curls from her eyes. 

“We’re ready mama!” Lily exclaims running to you, her eyes sparkling. 

“I see that! I need to go get dressed first. Should I wear something yellow, too?” 

“Yes!”

Once you’re all settled and everything is in the car, Luke turns on The Greatest Showman playlist, it’s currently Lily’s favorite movie. She’s singing along to ‘A Million Dreams’ with Posy who is kicking her legs in her seat. Luke grabs your hand smiling at you while your two girls continue to sing. 

You lay out a large blanket in the sand with an umbrella that Luke needs to wiggle into the sand. You brought books and toys for Lily and Posy to stay occupied. 

“Go!” Posy points to the ocean waves. 

“We’ll go in soon, honey,” you tell her and pull out the sunscreen.

Luke applies it to Lily while you apply it to Posy, making sure to get her cheeks and tops of her ears. You place her hat on top of her head then give her a set of toy keys to play with while you remove your shorts and tank top. Luke lets out a low whistle and you roll your eyes at him, but the butterflies in your tummy don’t go ignored. You both help each other rub the lotion onto your skin. Luke makes sure to kiss your neck.

“Ready girls?” Luke asks and Posy lifts her arms up to him. He lifts her easily into his arms and Lily grabs hold of your hand.

It’s an unspoken agreement to not wade too far in the water, Luke sits on the edge of the sand and has Posy stand in between his legs. Lily is splashing with you and Posy watches with an intensity in her eyes. 

“Go!” she points to you and Lily trying to walk away from Luke.

“No, no, bug, you stay here with daddy,” Luke places his hand on her chest and belly keeping her from going further into the water. 

“We can go a little deeper, Pose is adventurous,” you smile at your baby girl who still has a look of determination on her little face. 

“Yeah! Come on dada!” Lily waves her hand then moves a little deeper. Posy struggles some more wanting to join her sister and mama in the water.

Luke sighs in defeat, in a houseful of women he will always be outnumbered. He stands up with Posy in his arms again and goes deeper with you and Lily who is holding onto your hand tightly. She’s starting to become a bit more brave herself, but she’s still your shy girl and that won’t ever change. 

Posy kicks her feet in the water that stops a little below Luke’s waist, she stretches forward and Luke braces her so she can splash her hands in the water. She squeals in happiness at the coolness of it. 

“We’ve got a little fish, babe,” Luke chuckles, Posy’s arms and legs flailing. The water splashes on his face but he’s adamant on keeping his baby safe in his hold. 

After ten more minutes of being in the water, you all head back to the blanket for a snack and to sit in the shade. It wasn’t too hot out but you don’t want your girls to get sunburnt. The rest of the morning and early afternoon is spent lounging on the blanket with Luke and Posy venturing to the water multiple times. He holds her hands as she stomps in the sand, he lifts her up occasionally to jump over the waves and she’s having a great time.

Meanwhile, you and Lily are reading books, well, she’s pretending to read the stories to you. She’s creating them in her head but moves her fingers over the words on the pages. It’s a wonderful day at the beach until the wind picks up a little and you smell rain. Luke helps you pack up and you finish unpacking at home just as the rain starts. 

“Fro’! Fro’!” Posy shouts from Luke’s arms after he changed the girls from their beach clothes into their comfy clothes. Lily had bunny in her hands while Posy had her little elephant.

“You want to watch Frozen, love bug?” Luke asks, already  turning on Disney+ to select the movie. 

You join them on the couch and just as Hans and Anna finish singing ‘Love is an Open Door’ both Lily and Posy are fast asleep curled up under their blankets. Your eyes start to drift shut when Luke’s fingers start to play in your hair. Luke sneaks a photo of all his girls, even Petunia shows up off to the corner and he’s never been happier. The song that’s been jumbled in his head finally makes sense.

• • • •

Taglist: @galcalirwin​ @cashtonasff5sos @thecurlsofgod​ @myloverboyash​ @rotten-kandy​ @tea4sykes​ @jannimoeller3​ @loveroflrh​ @iovehemmings​ @cxddlyash​ @princesslrh​ @here-for-the-uproars @katiaw2​ @g-l-pierce​ @fairyintheglass​​ @gosh-im-short​​ @banditocth @dezzym17 @koalacal @lukeisbaby​​ @spicycal​​ @mysticalhood​​ @notinthesameguey​​ @wastedheartcth​​ @atlcalm​​ @itjustkindahappenedreally​​ @calumance​​ @babylon-corgis​​ @thew0rldneedsmcreycghurt​​ @lanternlover2​​ @istaywithmyjonas​​ @calteahood​​ @sarcastically-defensive17​​ @another-lonely-heart​​ @devilatmydoor​​ @frontmanash​​ @philthepegacorn​​ @mantlereid​​ @lukedorkyhemmings​​ @addietagglikesbands​​ @kikixfandoms @sanrioluke​​ @mayve-hems​​ @morguelth @haikucal​​ @thatscooibaby​​ @meghanrose05​​ @idontneedanyone​​ @dinosaursandsocks​​ @cassie-sos​​ @suchalonelysunflower​​ @burstintocolor​​ @zhangyixingxing1​​ @dead-and-golden​​ @mymindwide​​ @everyscarisahealingplace​​ @stardust-galaxies​​ @blackbutterfliescal​​ @redrattlers​​ @lovelybonesetc​​ @karajaynetoday​​

Luke and Lily taglist: @harrysfavslut​

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

Social needs are another aspect of self-care, as odd as that sounds since this is “self” – sometimes that can’t all be done on one’s own. We are social creatures, even the most introverted of us (I can attest to that, I am terribly introverted). Particularly during this pandemic time, social needs may not be as easily satisfied. Still, it’s good to have a list! Things will get better!

Conversing with Friends and/or Family

Road Trips

Going Shopping

Joining Online Communities

Therapy

Physical Intimacy

Activities Together with Friends and/or Family

Activities Apart with Friends and/or Family

Care Packages and Gifts

The obvious ones are, of course, those that involve talking. Many of us can still do that through phone calls, social media, or even visiting a select few friends right now. Most of it has to be at a distance, which can put a damper on some aspects – particularly if body language is important to your communications. Even things like video chatting may not make up for what is lost, unfortunately. Still, doing what we can to stay in touch is important!

Road trips can be another great social tool – they allow you to hang out with your loved ones, and make entirely new memories, while stuck together! What’s not to love? Okay, obviously that may not be for everyone, but I do find road trips to have significant potential for socializing. Even taking a trip on your own, to new places, will allow you socialize with the people in those locales!

Going shopping – I don’t mean extravagant shopping, I mean the regular sorts. I know the people at my grocery store, at my comic store, and at the restaurants that I frequent well enough to be able to hold a few interesting conversations with the people. I may not know their names, but seeing them brightens my day up immensely. I can only hope it goes both ways and I’m not that “annoying regular”.

Joining online communities is also useful – of course, if you’re on tumblr, you probably know that. There are communities for just about anything nowadays, and I’m involved in several for my fandoms. Even if I’m not actively communicating in them, reading what other people write gives me a sense of belonging, like being in a lecture hall and listening to someone speak.

Therapy is another form of socialization, on a level different than that of a friend or family member, but it is certainly social so far as needs are concerned. It may also then go on to help with other things, and that is usually the goal of it, but it can’t be overlooked as a part of social self-care.

Intimacy is another one, in this respect referring to the range from platonic hugs to the not-so platonic sex. Touch is important to many people, and it’s how they retain and know other people care for them. Touch isn’t my love language, and I actually usually prefer to avoid it, but it I know how important it is to others.

Then, we get the “activities with others”, but in two categories. In the “together” category, I mean you are participating in it at the same time, usually at the same place, together. This could be playing a game together, watching a movie together, going out together, or otherwise being with each other as the thing is occurring.

On the other side, there is activities with others, but separate, which may sound odd, but consider: book clubs, or watching shows, but at different times. It usually causes you to come back and converse about the activity, sharing experiences with it, and otherwise enjoying that there is another person going through the same thing with you, even if it’s not at the same time. It’s a shared experience still, just differently shared.

Then, of course, there is the love language of giving/receiving, involving gifting friends and family things, or letting them know that you would like to receive gifts. This doesn’t mean extravagant things, but I do like to take gifts to my friends, usually of candies, or small holiday-related things. I know it brightens some of their days, and it makes me happier, too, to participate in making things a little better. It isn’t a frequent event, but it has gotten moreso in the pandemic.

Now, you may be thinking that some of these are hard, or impossible, based on your social circle.

Generally speaking, I would say to improve your social circle. If your friends are unwilling to help with your social health, they’re not really good friends. If this is a temporary thing/they’re going through some shit of their own, that’s reasonable – we all have moments where we need to step back, but if your friends are always this way, it’s time to work on it.

Social isn’t a quick thing to grow. It can be started with online communities or even apps, like bumble. When the pandemic starts to fade, going to karaoke bars, libraries, conventions, or events related to your interests may be a great way to find some friends that will help. Or, hell, maybe your friend is the cashier at Starbucks – I learned that one of the baristas at a Starbucks I frequent is also a tattooed cosplayer, with an interesting view on death, and I’ve never been more delighted!

You never really know when you’ll make friends, or how. You have to be open to it, and occasionally putting yourself in new places will help to expand your social circles – perhaps not permanently, friends do come and go, but at least for a bit.

If you have an immediate social need, though – do talk to your friends. Arrange something to do together, arrange a time to talk with them – truly talk, truly engage – let them know what you’re needing, and hopefully you’ll find they are there for you.

[tayylormclaren]

Week 7- Progress Start-up Venture

What Is Working In My Business:

Know My Organization-

I compare my organization to industry standards using your CPA’s tools and resources. I know my business is not like anyone else in the industry, but I identify areas in other companies to help my business make different decisions about spending money significantly.

Be Flexible-

Revisiting my budget is a very healthy exercise for my business success. I don’t want to wait until the end of the year to compare my actual results to the budget; I will be behind the loop.

Build The Right Budgeting Team-

It’s essential to build the right team to create my budget. I understand that one person should not make a budget. That’s why I hired some great employees who will be held accountable for the account; then, they should influence creation within my business.

Follow Up, Follow Up, Follow Up-

After losing my first potential client because I didn’t follow up, my mind changed entirely about how I needed to be approaching my sales process.

What Is Not Working in My Business:

Utilize the Right Tools-

Most accounting software has a built-in budgeting tool, but I get frustrated with your Excel budget, so I need to take a step back and check whether I have a current software that has a tool I could utilize to assist.

Working From Home- I wanted some employees to work from home, but I've come to some conclusions on why it is not a good idea. I have to change it, so it is fair for everyone.

It Would Be Unfair to Allow Select Employees to Work from Home-

If I get some of my employees to stay home and some to come to their offices, it will be a problem. It will cause divisions among my staff. Those stuck in the office will resent others who get to work from their homes' comfort.

Lack Of Control

Employees that are not in the office is much more difficult to control. Having everyone work in the same building means being able to have better control and walk from the desk-desk to communicate with my staff.

Missed Opportunities For Collaboration-

Even though there are great technologies like video conferencing. When workers are forced to spend time around each other, they learn to communicate in more profound ways than remote technology allows.

How do I feel about my project:

I love my Home Decor business because it allows me to work on many different, exciting topics, such as designing custom artwork, helping on a budget, and make a family happier or just a single person. My company is very hardworking and decides to help. There is a sense of pride in that. I feel like the luckiest person in the world to be able to run my own business. It's inspired by unique creativity among one or multiple individuals. I love that I get to create things that my clients will use and cherish. Also, I love creating my business because I get to decide whom I am hiring. I ended up hiring my sister to check emails and social media apps. She enjoys doing that, plus I get to see her more often.

What I’ve Learned About Running A Business:

Success Comes To Those Who Work-

Every time I put in work, I get a proportional amount of results and successes from that work. The more work that I put in, the more success that occurs in my life

Sales Is An Important Skill To Learn-

Learning not just to “sell,” but also to communicate with people in a way that makes them interested in an essential skill, not only in business but also in life.

Don’t Be Afraid To Take Risks-

If you don’t take risks, you aren’t going to achieve the level of success you want to accomplish in your business. I understand that risks are sometimes bad, but taking risks that you have faith in might be your path to success.

What I’ve Learned From Myself:

Burned Bridges Stay With You For Life-

I understand working yourself; you realize how meaningful all relationships are. A burned bridge will stay with you forever, and you quickly learn that forgiveness is an essential tool for success.

Beliefs Aren't As Important As Your Behavior-

How you act and talk to others about what you believe in is more important than the actual belief. Treat others with kindness and respect, no matter how different their views are.

Almost Everything Is Simple, But Almost Nothing Is Easy-

As I started to grow my own business, I begin to learn most everything is relatively simple. I recognize that I don't worry so much and that things seem to fall into place. Understanding this and accepting it as truth, however, is never easy.

[stevetervet]

The wow that’s happening now

Children’s television is full of inanities, as every parent reading this will know. For example, who else questioned Madame Gazelle’s qualifications as an early years teacher after she decided the best way to introduce Peppa Pig’s French friend Delphine Donkey to the English language was a rendition of ‘bong-bing-boo, bing-bong-bing, bing-bong-bingly-bongly-boo’? I dread to think what Ofsted would make of such garbage.

But, hidden far beneath the surface, there lurk pearls of wisdom.

The star of Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood is often reminded to “enjoy the wow that’s happening now” and while we in turn sing it back to Ivy when the situation demands, it’s a mantra that applies just as much to us adults, too.

It’s in our nature, mine certainly, to want to plan ahead and shape the narrative of the next year or so. That might be getting a steer on what’s happening at work, booking a holiday, working out travel plans or other, more personal, issues. And with COVID-19 having taken much of that control out of our hands in 2020, a year which for many of us can’t end soon enough, it’s even more tempting to wish the time away until we can do all those things we’ve been deprived of during this annus horribilis.

But with a nod to Daniel Tiger, there are definitely positives aplenty when you put down the binoculars and pop on the reading glasses to refocus on what’s closer at hand. For one thing, we’re fortunate here in NSW to be enjoying far greater freedom than the Victorians just down the road, while those in Melbourne have been doing it even tougher still.

Looking back a year to our arrival in Australia, I was feeling frustrated at driving down dead ends in search of jobs that weren’t there or pay for work that wasn’t forthcoming. Admittedly I am still a sports journalist unemployed in that particular sphere but taking on a new full-time role at Albury North Public School has been one of the best decisions I’ve made. Originally there one day a week to produce the school newsletter, my remit has expanded into more of a PR position with self-taught video production thrown into the mix. It’s such a vibrant environment, being around 200+ kids every day with a fantastic staff to bounce off (not literally, although football at recess can get quite involved) and a real feeling of job satisfaction and making a difference. Much like the newsroom, no two days are the same. Last term I ended up interviewing the Mayor of Albury, producing a last-minute COVID-19 pull-out, presenting the possibility of a new school uniform - complete with a student debate - and liaising with the local media. Having been on the other side of that particular fence, flagging up the story of a swimming champion in Year 6 felt fairly routine but it was a different matter when our NSW/VIC pen pal scheme hit the headlines. There was heaps of interest straight away and I spent a day co-ordinating visits from TV crews and radio reporters, with further interviews taking place throughout the week. Talk about feeling alive; it was so good to see the kids and teachers getting the platform their hard work deserves.

Another unexpected ‘wow’ was a week’s holiday in Jervis Bay, about 200km south of Sydney. We’d been due to fly interstate, like so many others, but COVID put the kibosh on that and forced a rethink. So a place we’d never thought of visiting turned out to be the most fantastic base for our few days there, with Callala Beach every bit the relaxing hideout we’d hoped for. With the sea literally a stone’s throw away from our door, we were there every day with Ivy rather happier to brave the chilly waters than her parents. One kayaking incident aside, our beach experience was terrific. Huskisson was our launching point for a whale watching cruise which delivered not only close-up encounters with the behemoth and its calf but the chance to glide alongside a school of dolphins closer to the shore, away from the huge ocean swell. You couldn’t beat Tilbury Cove, Culburra Beach for shell-collecting or sandcastle-building or Greenwell Point for fish & chips, where the pelicans behaved like seagulls waiting for the foolish tourist to throw them a morsel.

We spent a day up the coast in Kiama, where the spectacular blowhole and company of some dear friends made our crawl through the Princes Highway roadworks worthwhile. The road to Currarong, by comparison, was almost deserted, but drama of a different kind lay ahead. As we entered the tiny seaside town, plumes of black smoke from a hazard reduction burn - crucial ahead of the fire season - filled the sky and swirled through some of the back streets. “This is a stress-free area” insisted the lady serving behind the counter of the convenience store as she confidently assured us everything was under control. But not so, it turned out, as we discovered after exploring the rock pools and getting back on the road. Having traversed the 10km gravel road to and from the imposing Point Perpendicular Lighthouse, atop cliffs overlooking the spot where we had seen the whales, security personnel at the gatehouse warned us against returning to Currarong as the fire was now out of control.

For all the beauty of the coast, one of our favourite stops was inland at the Shoalhaven Zoo in Nowra. Nestled between the river and a sheer rock face, it’s uncomplicated and unpretentious but with a cracking selection of animals including a farm section for the little ‘uns. Ivy just loved patting the kangaroos. When in Rome...

Eventually it was time to leave the coast behind - for another 10 weeks, at least. Our route back took us through the mighty Kangaroo Valley, down a series of steep hairpin bends and up even more on the other side. We passed a group of cyclists next to the historic Hampden Bridge. The looming ascent must have looked to them as the Grand Colombier had to an ailing Egan Bernal in the Tour de France just days earlier.

So, one term left in this year of years as we approach the the run-in to Christmas and the powerful heat of summer. One eye on planning for next year, that’s for sure, but also accepting the challenges of today.

Watching our friend Naomi Mitchell run the race of her life to finish 14th at the London Marathon has inspired me to start running again. I’ve been out three of the last four days, further each time, and, coupled with some healthy eating, I’m starting to feel the benefits - physical and mental - already. I’m determined to keep pushing myself and get into shape. It’s not something I’ve enjoyed that much before but if Naomi can do 26.2 miles in two-and-a-half hours, I can get to 5k and beyond.

Positive change is in the air. Who knows, I might learn a new language too.

All together now...

Bong-bing-boo, bing-bong-bing, bing-bong-bingly-bongly-boo!

[informationalessay363]

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[heyyouwiththeprettyface18]

Where I've Been and My Relationship with Social Media

Do I think anyone actually cares about this and missed my presence online? Well yeah. I have friends on here so I would like to imagine they did. I had one amazing and lovely soul sending me memes during my break and I love her for it! Am I screaming into the void in a way to work out my own emotional state? Well, yeah. This isn't for notes. This is for me.

It all started about two years ago. One of my best friends in the whole world, who I will refer to as Amy, messaged me one day before school and told me that she was stepping away from social media. She was deleting snapchat, Instagram, facebook and any other various profiles she had. At the time I felt like King George in 'I Know Him', I wasn't aware that was something a person could do. Why would this gorgeous, college age student want to get rid of her social media? Didn't she want to be connected to the rest of the world? Didn't she want the validation from her peers? Didn't she want to just be able to look up someone and know everything she ever needed to know about them? Keep in mind this was the time where I considered myself something of an internet sleuth for my friends, family and occasionally teachers (Shout out to Mr. Hunter). But she was my friend. And I was going to support the hell out of whatever Amy wanted to do.

To this day she is still off social media and she is happier than ever. And that freedom she felt from society constantly throwing all sorts of unachievable standards in her face all the time? Slowly became more attractive to me as I got older. A while ago, maybe around the same time Amy deleted everything (I really can't remember) I uninstalled Facebook from my phone. It was so freeing? I didn't have to see all the negativity on there and the politics from my father's side of the family. It was so nice. That's when I got my first taste for it. This freedom. But that's about all I did until my first year in college.

December - February were weird months for me. Specifically when I was at school. Looking back on it, some of the reasons why it was so weird seem trivial. But at the time they meant everything to me. It seemed like I was losing some irl friends and a few online ones. Not to mention college chemistry and accounting made me breakdown about 10 times total. I remember calling another one of my best friends, Ellie for the sake of the story, sobbing. I felt so genuinely alone. I felt like all the people up at my school either just barely tolerated me or hated me. I think that's the loneliest I've ever been.

You might be wondering why this has anything to do with social media? Well. Let me tell you. This emotional breakdown of mine happened after I saw a photo posted of two of my friends out getting doughnuts from our favorite place without me. It's so stupid. But I was in a very fragile place. I was trying to figure out a lot of things. Classes, friends, sexuality, past trauma, self worth, whether or not I should have gone to therapy. Looking back on it, Jesus Christ I wish I did. It was just a lot. So in a brash decision I deactivated my Instagram. Didn't tell anyone. Didn't think anyone would care. People did. So after about a week I reactivated it. I couldn't stand not knowing what people (aka Tom Holland and Taylor Swift) where posting. So I chugged along.

And then a fucking Pandemic happened.

It's nice to be home. I'm a total mama's girl and am attached to her at the hip. Which is another reason why I wasn't doing so hot at college looking back on it. But all I was doing at home was my class work and scrolling through the toxicity that is Twitter, the pretty photos of Instagram or Tiktok. I would get frustrated at the people not wearing masks or that people were still going out in public. And it slowly worked at my nerves.

Before I knew it, Black Lives Matter was in full swing because of the disgusting murder of George Floyd by the racist police officer. There are two things you need to know about me: I am extremely empathetic and I have seen some shit. I have never been so distrusted or viscerally affected by a piece of footage in my whole life. After that, I was on Twitter reading and retweeting everything I could. Signing every petition I saw pop up. Trying to educate myself. And I did. I will be the first to admit, I still have a lot to learn what it means to be a good ally. But the negativity and guilt I was feeling, was coming from me. Nothing I did felt good enough. I wasn't able to attend protests because of online classes and I was only able to donate about $20 dollars to charity because I am not working right now. It just didn't feel good enough in my eyes. I wanted to do so much more. And for the record I still want to do more. I'm looking into ways that I can help the BLM movement, even though I am currently off social media.

And that's when something happened that I wasn't expecting. I was rewatching an old episode in Jacksepticeye's animal crossing series where he went off on a tangent about social media and mental health. I was making breakfast while I was watching it. I stopped dead in my tracks and listened to what he had to say. And I kept it in my as I watched the current state of my YouTube life get turned upside a few weeks ago.

That's when I realized social media was really hurting my mental health. That day I deleted Twitter from my phone and deactivated Instagram again. At this point I had already deleted Tumblr from my phone because at the time I thought this site was the soul reason I was unhappy with my relationship on the internet. This was the first time I purged myself of all three of these social medias at that the same time. Also I stopped looking at snapchat stories and privated a lot of my boards on Pinterest. And it was so good. I have been so much happier since cutting the negativity and helplessness I felt out of my life. I was calmer. I allowed myself to focus on the things that made me happy.

I was getting to hang out with my friends a little bit more. I started playing DnD and am in love with my character. I started taking more Polaroids. I was taking drives. I'd sit at the park with ice cream and enjoy summer. Dancing alone in my house. I was writing again and developing characters that I've had for years that are desperate need of a face lift. Baking and cooking again. Watching things that made me happy. I was living for me and finding positivity in my life again.

And I still am. It's still a work in progress sometimes to be happy like I want to be. But I'm willing to put in that work. It just so happened that cutting social media and that tie to society was what I needed. It was a small step, but it put me in a good direction. I've decided to come back to Tumblr and take my blog back for me and ignore some of the personal reasons why I got rid of it in the first place. This was a power move for me, and I'm happy to be back.

I've been debating about making a new Instagram account, to follow a select number of friends but probably not. I'll be damned if I ever redownload Twitter on my phone again. So if you're one of my mutuals and you want to talk outside of tumblr the social medias I still have are: discord, pinterest, and snapchat.

TL;DR: I got really sad and frustrated. So I pulled a Taylor Swift pre REP era and disappeared. I'm doing pretty good and am still working on achieving my definition of happiness. And if I had to give advice, I guess I'd say that take a week break from social media see how you feel. Who knows, you might not even miss it.

Remember: Drink water, moisturize, wear a mask, Black Lives Matter and Always Keep Fighting

W/ Love,

Laura

[jenner-benjamin]

Collaborative COVID-19 Poem (Part Two)

‘Him, Her’ - lino print on paper.

As previously outlined my artist in residence project has been postponed and so I have utilised the time afforded to me to respond to the global pandemic.

The idea for continuing my project was realised in the form of an open call to my followers on Instagram. This took advantage of the story posting function that advertised a ‘word locating system’. This continued the found poem principle of my project but was adapted to suit the confines of social media. This response to the current global situation was a bid to highlight the positive impact social media can have when it is used to bring us together.   

I collated the 44 words and spent some time trying to make them fit what I had regarded to be a methodical poetic structure. After several attempts at constructing a sequence of events I accepted that it was difficult to make a selection of words from 44 different participants’ varied book collections fit what I considered to be a logical sequence. Also who is to say that what I deem to be logical is logical for everyone else? 

The poem became a slightly ambiguous nonsense poem which in the end I actually quite enjoyed, I find that it reflects the confusing situation we now find ourselves living in. 

Him, Her

Bilbo continued caring

then told

cytoskeleton, when it reserves warmth

(some impulsive inner embers)

rules take awa ventures far

podium equipped,

magazine crouched,

forsythia attempted,

more misses few.

Lead, not boss

Think, not joke

Attempt being good.

just in pairs,

just him,

her,

together. 

In terms of creating a print that translates the poem in to an asemic transcription I wanted to convey my idea of a narrative structure. A beginning, middle and end that loses its way in the nonsensical confusion in the middle but comes back to reason in the end. 

The edition was the biggest one that I had made to date and was made using household equipment which I found to be a technical challenge in itself. I do not hold the prints in as high regard as some of the other works I have made this year, as much as I enjoy exploring lo-fi print techniques I struggled to get a consistent edition. The matrix was cut from lino which I am not typically comfortable with, I find the rigidity of the marks restrictive but opted for relief printing as I found it to be the most accessible to print at home that allows for the most consistency in the prints. 

Overall it was an enjoyable experience and I would not hesitate to undertake a similar project in the future. I feel that I would have been much happier in the end if I had access to equipment to make a more coherent edition, however I must remember that the motivation behind the project was leaning more towards the coming together and collaboration of the many as opposed to the creation of a work of art - the latter was something nice to do for the word contributors.   

‘Thank you’ letter that was posted to all contributors along with the lino print. 

Utilising the less successful prints to make fun asemic animations. 

Utilising the less successful prints to make fun asemic animations.

[hollandroos]

The Price We Pay | Five

Series Masterlist

Summary: A one night stand was all it took for your entire life to change. You’re shoved into unknown territory, agreeing to fake date the prince long enough for his parents and the media to get off of his back only there are a few issues… one of them being that you really can’t stand each other.

Words: 4048

Warnings: Drinking.

Amazing moodboard by @sithskywalkers

The next time you went to the castle you’d admit that you were a lot more nervous then the first time.

Because while the first time meant meeting Toms parents and having dinner with his parents– the king and queen, the second time meant that you would have to show off and flaunt in front of hundreds of guests which was something you most definitely did not want to do on a Thursday evening.

No– you’d much rather be curled up in your apartment with a tub of ice cream and a book in hand but instead, you were about to get your hair, makeup and outfit picked out by your pretend boyfriends best friend. You were going to be poked and prodded at with flat irons and curling wands and nail polish brushes and mascara. Great.

It sounded like a child's dream really, but not yours. Nope.

The place was still as big as it was the first time you arrived and you greeted every one of the staff with a small smile, some with a wave of your hand which was something that Tom didn’t do. He kept a somehow straight face.

You had to think about how much the two of you had overcome since ‘getting together’. At first, he seemed grumpy, tense and like you were simply a cover-up for his little games that he never should’ve been playing.

But slowly Tom had allowed himself to relax. He began to let his hair down around you. He learned that there was more to life then keeping up a damn reputation.

You, however, hadn’t changed.

You were the same stubborn girl he woke up to the day after the one night stand that the two of you even refused to talk about. Tom liked the fire in your eyes and skip in your step and the sense of freedom it bought him. He enjoyed the light and love and comfort that your family home bought him that the palace he’d live in for over twenty years couldn’t even bring him.

You’d taken steps. Holding hands now felt okay, even intertwining fingers and him pulling you into his chest felt natural. For a fleeting moment, you’d allow yourself to welcome the comfort he bought.

He was used to your laughter and jokes and you were used to him cursing when things didn’t go his way.

And that gala– the moment you turned up at the palace he welcomed you with a brief kiss on the cheek mere inches from your lips and you welcomed him with a cheesy smile. He was torn moments before that, wondering if it was okay to kiss you on the lips or forehead or temples or–

To anyone else you looked beyond happy– soulmates finally given the word that you didn’t need to hide in the shadows any longer.

“So, how’s Tom?”

“What do you mean ‘how’s Tom?’ you spend more time with him then I do.” You snort, taking another sip of cherry red wine. It burns your tongue.

Harrison shakes his head, looking over the selection of nail polishes. “I’m asking because I’m curious as to what you think. You get to see a different side of him.”

He goes for silver.

“You mean the fake Tom? I get to see a side of him that has to pretend to be happy and comfortable. So personally I’d say that he’s okay, fake happy maybe.” You mutter, watching with curious eyes as he picks up the bottle. You hadn’t had your nails done since Carley was little.

Harrison screws his face up at the aroma. “I don’t know about that. I think he’s actually happier around you

“Fake–”

“Not fake.” He interrupts. Haz knew Tom better then anyone and Tom knew Haz– He knew that Tom used to get panic attacks as a kid and possibly still did. Not that Tom would tell anyone that and not that Haz would go around spreading that anyway.

He takes your hand, carefully layering on the polish. You could’ve done it yourself but Harrison had insisted that it had to be perfect– whatever that meant.

You shove the comment off, swirling crimson wine around the glass that’d been handed to you the moment you walked in. “Why are we talking about him anyway? Why can’t we talk about you– what’s it like being his right-hand man?”

Harrison laughs. “It’s fine, I’ve seen the good and the bad.”

“The bad?” You question, watching your nails go from whatever they were before to royally accepted.

“Everyone has bad moments don’t they?”

“What are some of Toms?”

Harrison stops, letting a sigh escape his lips and grits his teeth. Somehow he knew he was going to end up spilling something he probably shouldn’t have. It took everything in him to place the varnish down, even more, effort to look up into your curious eyes. The boy was about to break.

“I don’t think that’s my place to–”

“Please, c’mon. Maybe you telling me will help us get closer– maybe I’ll actually try.” You look at him and push your lips into a pout.

Harrison scoffs. “I know what happened at your place so I already know you’re trying.” He sees the serious look in your eyes and remembers what Tom had spoken to him about only hours earlier.

“I think I like her.”

“I knew this would happen.” Harrison really wanted to rub this one in. “I told you, didn’t I? I told you that this would happen and look where we are now.”

“Shut up you div! I’m telling you this because I trust that you won’t rub it in.”

The boy sighs and runs a hand through his tangled blonde locks. “Why do you think you like her?”

Tom didn’t want to mention her name– his ex, because every time he did it was like a slap to the face.

“I just… I have that same feeling I felt with April.”

Harrison puts his hands up, stopping his best friend from talking. “Woah, you’re not in love with her are you? Mate it’s a bit too soon for that don’t you think?”

“No way! I wouldn’t go as far as love, not even close.” Tom places his head in his hands, letting out a frustrated groan. “It’s what I felt at the start. Like… I want to spend more time with her and get to know her more. I find myself staring at her when I shouldn’t be and picking out the things that I like… which is everything.”

Harrison tried to contain the smile that wanted to take over his features but couldn’t. Tom hadn’t had feelings for anyone since April. He could barely even trust anyone so this was big.

“You’re in deep and I think that this time around, it may be a good thing.”

“She’s stubborn, Haz, she’s so stubborn and has her damn walls up so high.”

“And?” Harrison raises a brow, throwing his arms up. “Don’t let that stop you, it’ll just make everything worth it when she finally lets you in. If you do like her then don’t give up.”

Tom chuckles, remembering that he left out one key piece of information. “And I’m pretty sure she hates me.”

He tells himself that telling you about her is for the best. That it’s helping Tom.

“There was a girl…” He starts, picking up the nail polish again. He needed something to distract the half of his brain that was telling him to stop. “To put it simply, her and Tom were in love– madly in love, everyone thought they were going to get married.” You listen intently. “They went everywhere together, did things that other couples wouldn’t even think of doing and they were just… inseparable. Until they weren’t.”

Harrisons' voice sounded strained like he was forcing this out. He sounded unsure of himself, on edge.

“What do you mean?” You ask, breaking the sudden silence. Though you weren’t sure if you wanted to find out.

“Her name was April and she cheated on Tom– multiple times with one of the uh, the staff here. It crushed Tom, absolutely destroyed him for the longest time and for a while his happiness was fake but what I see with you isn’t that.”    “He couldn’t trust anyone, refused to let anyone in and only ever put on a smile for the cameras. He was ruined and I think he needs something good in his life.”

You knew you weren’t the best person in the world– far from it in fact but you would never cheat. You would never purposely break someone's heart. Suddenly you felt yourself feeling something close to pity.

You listen intently with your bottom lip between your teeth. You chew softly.

“And you want me to be that something good?”

Harrison shakes his head allowing wild tufts to bob around. “No, what I’m saying is that you should try with him.”

“What if I’m already trying?” You stare into the mirror, picking out your flaws and inconsistencies. “This is me, I’m hard to get through to and I’m just… I’m not easy and I don’t want to be. I’m not saying that Tom has to fight for me but I don’t want to lower my walls for someone I barely know.”

The blonde nods, trying to understand but finds it hard considering he’s naturally a very open person. He wasn’t always like that, though. He used to be the type to hide away in the corner if a stranger so much as walked in the room or pretend to be a statue if his grandparents tried to hug him.

“Don’t touch your nails or touch… anything.” Harrison mutters, getting out of his seat. You marvel at the silver and hold it up in the light, watching the way it shone under the vanity. “Just be nicer to him, let him in at least a little bit and see what happens. You two are going to be in this for a while.” He stops, noticing you starve yourself down in the vanity mirror. “Also, you look gorgeous so stop criticizing yourself.”

“I am not!”

He rolls his eyes playfully, meeting your gaze through the mirror. “Please, Tom does the same thing.”

You stop and bite your lip again. “He does?”

“Definitely, he likes to pick out all the flaws in his outfits and body every time I dress him.

You hum softly, staring back down at your perfectly painted nails once again and resist the immediate urge to touch the drying paint. The more you found out about Tom, the more real this entire thing became. The more you realised that he was just like you in more ways then one.

-

The first thing you did when you got the emerald green ball gown was question why Harrison picked green for you of all colours. But the second you slid it on you understood why. The second thing you did was spin around in circles until your head was aching and giggles were spewing from your lips as the end of the gown tangled with your legs.

The third thing that happened was probably the biggest event of the night and that was the moment you took those first few steps down the large palace steps into the ballroom. All eyes were on you as you gripped Harrison's arms. Some glanced on in confusion at the newcomer, others adoration and some people's jealousy.

And you saw Tom standing at the very bottom with his hands behind his back, a mindblown expression on his features.

He too looked amazing but you completely stole the show.

“Wow…”

“Cat got your tongue?” You tease, taking his hand gently. His hand merely ghosted across yours, fingers running across the diamond ring on your right hand that you would have to make sure not to break in order to return at the end of the night.

“No.” He scowls, noticing how your features don’t falter. “You just look really pretty.”

“Thank you, you look amazing too. I like this colour on you.” You run a hand down the front of his suit jacket, the grey cotton smooth against your fingertips. “I’ve never been to one of these things before, what do we do?”

“We smile, dance, and put on a show for the people. Be careful– give them an ounce of attention and they’ll snatch you up, you’ll never get away.” Your face goes shocked, obviously believing everything he was saying. “They’ll start talking to you about how the price of mansions is expanding and asking where you got that dress from because it’s most definitely the most expensive one here. They’re all getting jealous already.”

“It is?” You glance down at the green decorated with specks of glitter– but maybe it wasn’t glitter, maybe it was diamonds.

“Definitely, that’s worth more then hers… and hers, oh and that girl over there.” Tom nods his head at different girls and you marvel at their dresses. But apparently, none equalled yours.

You gasp, “Tom what the fuck? What if I spill something on this?”

He simply shrugs in response like it was nothing. “We’ll throw it out. We have way more where that came from, surely you’ve seen.”

Tom knew he was winding you up. He wanted to laugh at the way your face twisted and turned from confusion to frustration.

“You’re such an ass.” You groan and tug on his hand, wanting to end the conversation ASAP so you could do something other then focus on the dollar sign looming over your head. “C’mon, let’s dance before people think we’re weird for just standing here.”

The two of you meet on the dance floor, an old orchestral song playing and you swallow feeling many sets of eyes on the two of you. You’d never had to dance before, not with a prince or any boy for that matter and now here you were.

Maybe he sensed your nervousness or maybe it was natural, but Tom placed his hands around your waist, giving you the indication to put yours around his neck. It seemed strange at first, but comfort lingered.

You sway back and forth to the music, a comfortable silence settling between the two of you and Tom notices how you don’t ask for help, not once. You follow his lead, keeping a set of eyes on his clothed chest because you didn’t know where else to look. Staring him directly in the eyes seemed awkward and staring over his shoulder would in some way, show the guests that your attention was anywhere but on him.

It remains like that for a few moments, the two of you going back and forth. But slowly he crept closer and his hands relax on your waist, your fingers were warm against his curls and Tom felt anything but nervous.

He was moving mere inches closer, autumn eyes attracting your own until you were the only two in the room.

“I could kiss you right now.” He mutters, lips barely fluttering over yours. You felt his warm breath, the ghost of his words and contain a shudder. He was so close, creeping closer.

You force yourself to swallow, glancing up through hooded, overdone lashes. “What if I don’t want you to kiss me?”

Tom feels his heart stop for a single second– whatever hope he was feeling decreasing and plummeting in his chest. “Then I won’t.”

But you never said it– what was truly eating away at you. You never said ‘kiss me, I’m sure I want it too!’ or ‘Do it, let’s put on a show for them– the paps and your parents that are currently eyeballing us.’

‘Kiss me like the first night we met but softer.’

It was way too soon.

So instead you gaze up at him and watch as Tom takes your hand softly– like a feather and spins you around just once. The two of you move delicately, your heels clicking against the ballroom floor. Everyone watches in absolute awe. Wondering just how the prince had kept you– an absolute gem hidden for so long.

Facing him once more, you swallow thickly. “You know, you’re not actually that arrogant and I don’t actually hate you.”

He tries not to smile but fails miserably. Tom definitely wasn’t oblivious to your sudden change of attitude but he wasn’t just letting it slip right past him either. He furrows his brows in confusion. Wondering how the conversation went from kissing to this. Kissing.

“That’s good to know, I guess.” He coughs.

“You’re actually a big softie.” You laugh gently, trying to make a joke out of what was intended to be a serious moment. “You pretend to like your life but really you wish you could settle down somewhere quieter. You get lonely here sometimes and want someone close. You don’t want all this.”

Maybe you were spewing bullshit.

“Yes, I do.” He grumbles, tightening his grip a little around your hand.

“Okay then, you don’t want the cameras and the eyes on you twenty-four seven. You don’t want the expectations and seriousness of it all.” He looks confused but reluctant to say anything. “Try and tell me I’m wrong.”

Tom refrains from screwing his face up because that’d give the crowd an indication that you were anything but happy. “And what about you, hm? You pretend like you don’t want this– the glitz and the glam but you secretly love it. You’re secretly eating all this up but you’re too stubborn to mention it.”

You raise a brow at the remark. “So what If I do? What if I do secretly like it and I’m just treating you like dirt because it’s fun seeing how much you’ll take until you just explode?”

“I can go on forever, darling.”

You lean in until your wine-stained lips are hovering over his ear, gelled curls slicked back neatly. “Don’t test me, Holland because I’ll win, and I know you don’t like to lose.”

He scoffs, wanting to disagree with you but it was true. Tom Holland didn’t like to lose and after your attitude had been eating away at him for the last few weeks, frustrating him more and more and causing his teeth to grit as you so much as walked near him he wanted to keep the softer side of you around for a little longer.

But then the song came to an end and you pull away from him, leaving him with a slight bow and something told him to pull you back in, to dance to the next song and the one after that t00– not for the crowd but for himself. It was selfish.

“I might have a dance with Haz, he looks lonely.” You gaze over at the blonde boy at the back of the room, your previous conversation with Tom suddenly forgotten. Harrison leaned against the wall, a glass of wine in one hand and looked around with wandering eyes.

“You can’t,” Tom replied curtly. “People will think it’s… something more, they’ll start rumours.”

You raise a brow, “You were dancing with another girl earlier, weren’t you?” He doesn’t reply and that’s enough of an answer for you. “You’re jealous.”

He feels called out.

“I’m not!” He retorts.

“You’re so jealous.”

He hides it well, squinting his eyes and crossing his arms across his chest and you were thankful that no one around was paying too much attention to the two of you anymore. If you were alone you would’ve pressed on, taunting him for feeling jealous over literally nothing– besides, it’s not like the two of you were together anyway.

“Whatever, I’m going to get another drink.” You shrug and Tom watches you leave, heading over to the nearest waiter until he finds himself standing alone.

He knew you’d already had one or two and should've stopped you from going for more but he couldn’t because the second he tried to step away, a hand landed on his shoulder, perfectly manicured nails gaining his attention.

-

Not even an hour later, Tom was exhausted. Dancing with you for a brief few songs had been the highlight of his night and making conversation with strangers about things he really didn’t care that much about couldn’t even begin to compete.

He had watched you from the corner of his eye, watching you sit at the back table as you swung your leg back and forth, looking bored out of your absolute mind. Guys whispered a few meters away and to put it simply… it gave him a stomach ache. Harrison had kept you company at one point and without Tom, you had no idea what to do.

He took the first out he could get the second he saw you slam a glass down onto the table earning glances from a couple party guests and hurried over, lip between his teeth. He was nervous.

You watch him, hair now messier then it was earlier and you could tell he’d been running a hand through it which was probably something he wasn’t supposed to be doing.

“You’re drunk.” He says bluntly, watching your mouth open in protest. You were definitely drunk

“I am not!” You snap back, holding up the glass of wine you had been sipping on. “I only had like… five glasses of wine, maybe more?”

He shakes his head, towering over you. He wanted to glare at Harrison and ask him why he’d allowed this but his best mate was long gone. “You’re so drunk. C’mon, let’s go back to my room.” He nods his head towards the series of stairs.

You giggle. “I’m not having sex with you again– the first time was good though but not… not again.” You take another mouthful of the alcohol and screw your face up at the taste, swallowing it harshly before Tom snatches the glass out of your hand.

He really hopes that no one heard that. He was thankful you’d chosen a table at the end of the room to drink at– where little to no one was about to bother you.

“We’re not doing that, you just need to rest before you do something you’ll regret.” He hisses.

“We already know what happens when I’m drunk, it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Let’s go.”

He wraps an arm around your waist to keep you up straight, plastering a smile to those around him and he’s thankful when no one attempts to start a conversation. He’s also thankful when you comply instead of reaching for another glass. Harrison watches on with a coy grin, seeing care hidden beneath frustration practically written all over toms features.

You tumble up the steps to his room, relying on Toms direction and the arm that kept a tight grasp to stay upwards. But as you got closer, your eyes begin to feel heavy and you began to drag him down, refusing to support your own weight. So that was why he lifted you up bridal style.

Tom shoves his bedroom door open with a thud that causes you to stir, heading straight for his bed where he places you down gently. You swore you instantly sunk into the plush, royal duvet, engulfed in a blanket of absolute warmth.

Tessa, who had been kept in the room thanks to Harrison sticks her head up and whines at the person now laying in Toms place, but puts her head back down upon seeing Tom.

“You can have my bed tonight.” He mutters. His voice was soft, gentle and he watched you drift off almost instantly with your head pressed against the pillow, mouth slightly agape. Still, you wore the dress and jewellery and he only moved down to tug the heels off of your feet.

Maybe he was falling. Hard.

Six!

Please remember to reblog or send me an ask telling me what you thought of this chapter!! One reblog goes a long way :-)

Everything tags: @cosmetologynerd @holland-ish @smexylemony @thewiseandfree @zendayacolemen @dej-okay @hollandsletters @ive-got-some-lies-to-tell @liz-gayllen @marvelismylifffe @lovelyh0lland @tomhollandandmarvelsworld @woah-jess @southsidefandoms @justannothermonday @its-claire-louise @sophiatomlinson23 @mockingjaygirl1221 @joyfullyjenny @damnhisfaceisliketheskyatnight  @bride-of-loki-odinson @in-the-corner-coffee-please @futuremrsb-r-main @spideyyypeter @saturn-aka-six @c0prolalia @buckykinz @ashtonsbandannas @dennasaur @amyyleblanc1999 @fnosidam @randomfangirl1701@maybeandperhaps @acciorinn @marvel-language @micki-smiles @justmesadgirl @converseskyline @niall2017 @gavemylifetotomholland @tomuchmarvel @leslieandjensen @painted-soulss @practicallylivesonline @mischiefmanaged49 @its-the-unknownspidey @holyrose96 @for-my-mind @mlxbm @erindillon11 @captainbuckyy @shawnandhisroses @converseskyline @smitten0-0kitten @parkeroos @whileinparis @unicornio-vomita-mierdas @draqcnheartstrinq @rainyboo-posts @mikalaka @petxrpxrker @tony-starks-ego @thedaydreamingwriter @peter-quackson @kateelyse96 @lesbian-jesus-jr @wheresmyquill @elyshugh @hollanderheart @tomshufflepuff @marvelismylifffe @tomsh0lland @obsessed-fandoms @girl-in-the-chair @trashqueenbitch @dramatic-and-young @honey-honey-5644 @parkerluvs @chingonaconcha @captainbuckyy @jes-sica1 @tomsfireheart @Rainbow-marvel @spideysimpossiblegirl @spideys-gurl @thomasstanley-holland @mlxbm @ixchel-9275 @parkerssweb @peter-parkersbb @tom-hollands-eyelash @starlightfound @vldlvj  @paradoxparker @lustfulcry  @mlxbm @musiclover1263 @justatheatredork @peterparkerscamera @fandomnerdsarecool @thequeensardine @cutesy-angst @httplayer @mischiefmanaged49 @loca-lola @softboyparkerr @desir-ae @dangerousluv1 @t-hotland @laucontrerasv @peter-parkersbb @whatdafricklefrackle @thatblondebelgiangirl @fairydustparker @they-call-me-le @jamiemac26 @nephalem67 @underoos-tom @quaxon-holland @lovelyspidey @no-shxt-sherl @xlatinaaxx @starlightfound @mikexpeter @moonandstars-xo @httpmcrvel @evelyn120700 @fromheroestodust @hollandfieldblurbs @ghostlypandacolorpersona @spazclaiire @curlyhairedparker @josierosie @unicornio-vomita-mierdas @icondy @euphoricholland @desir-ae @lovelyspidey @thelazypangolin @ameeravioli @ramen-tically @mellifluous-tom @mrs-webslinger @krazykiara @scottyisthatyou

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[scottfromappdesign]

#5

21 y/o - she/her

1. How often do you listen to music?

Every single day. It’s one of the only things that keeps me sane in my life.

2. Do you use any music streaming apps? 

I use Spotify and Apple Music. They both have different features and music that I like so it’s hard for me to use one over the other. 

3. Do you like to discover new music? (i.e. artists, playlists, genres) If so, what are your methods for finding new music?

I love discovering new music and I have a rather strange way of doing so.  When I am planning to seek out new music, I typically delete all of the music I have on my phone.  I then will go to the discover section of Apple Music or look through some general playlists on Spotify and listen to as much new music as I can find and download what I like on my phone.  I like to try different genres that I am not used to and I have found that this has expanded my taste in music a lot.  I sometimes go back and add some of the music I had on my phone previously, but I always make sure to delete everything before starting this discovery journey. 

4. Some people have friends that connect over a lot of different topics and some have friends that connect on very few topics. When it comes to music, do you find it easy or hard to connect with your friends over it, and why? 

I find it very easy to connect with friends over music.  When it comes to music, I keep a very open mind and would give just about anything a chance.  I love hearing about people's favorite songs and artists and I love learning why they enjoy them so much.  I feel like it gives me insight into who they are as a person and the things that they have dealt with in their life and I love that just simply sharing music taste can tell so much about a person.  Additionally, I truly enjoy sharing songs and artists with my friends for the same reason.  Sometimes I feel as though sharing this can make it easier to express things that aren't always easy to say out loud and it's why I love sharing and connecting with friends over music so much.

5. Have you ever or do you currently use social media to make new friends and talk about interests you have in common? 

Not really and I dont really plan on it. 

6. If you answered yes to the previous question, can you share one or more of your experiences? If you answered no to the previous question, can you please elaborate on why you don’t use social media to meet new people?

I don't use social media a lot to begin with, as I am usually very busy with school, and in my free time I don't always want to be scrolling on social media.  In addition to this, I typically like to meet people naturally.  I am a rather shy person so I never take it upon myself to reach out to someone I do not know online, and honestly I'm not even 100% sure where to begin if I were to want to do so.  I personally find it easier and less intimidating to meet people in person, even though I am rather shy.

7. Do you find that like counts/follower counts/leaderboards discourage you from using certain apps and/or making connections with people online or do you feel the opposite and why?

I used to think this way when I was younger, however as I mentioned in the previous question, I don't use social media a lot anymore.  A few years ago I had logged out of my Instagram and could not remember my password.  I made a new account out of frustration and didn't pay a lot of attention to it.  Before I made my new account, I had a little over 1,000 followers.  I didn't follow as many people on my new account as I used to and only followed those I wanted to share my new account with.  Now I do not have nearly as many followers and don't get nearly as many likes as I used to get, but I find myself to be happier with this now that I only really share with a select amount of people.  Ever since then I stopped caring about how many followers and likes I got and I find that I prefer it the way it is for me now.

8. On a scale of 1-10 how likely would you be to use an app that allows you that connects to your music streaming apps, shows you randomized playlists (based on your preferences) in order to discover new music, and connect with people who have similar music tastes?

10! If it has to do with music discovery, I’m on board.

9. With the app idea presented in the previous question, do you have any concerns about the app or features you would implemented in the app?

I think this is a really interesting app idea.  I like that this app has the intention of connecting people with others who have similar interests.  Even though I said before that I find meeting new people in person was easier and less intimidating, it was in part due to the fact that I find the idea of just direct messaging someone out of the blue without an actual cause to be kind of scary.  I don't find it weird, but I am personally afraid to do it myself.  This app would give people from all over the world the chance to connect with each other over their shared interest of music and it is a great way to learn about other music not only in different genres, but different cultures as well which is really intriguing.  I would implement a feature that lets you post reviews of songs, artists, genres, etc. so people can also read what others think about it when starting their own discovery journey.  In addition, on people's profiles it would be interesting to see what genres they are interested in at the moment and what genres they want to know more about so people can give recommendations based on that and share similar interests if they also like what the other person likes.  This would also be helpful when reading reviews to see how people who like the same music as yourself feel about different music.  Overall I think that this is a really cool app idea that I would definitely use myself.

[harmonyandriley]

Potential Realised.

Twelve years ago the Labour party and the Metropolitan Police attempted to steal Harmony my precious six year old daughter and my beautiful son Riley who was three years old from myself and their incredible and amazing loving and devoted mother Leann.

Today I say to the Labour party we have destroyed you.

Leann my beautiful soulmate and myself Mark Anthony Ward have fought for twelve long years to expose socialist terrorism in Great Britain.

If you ever go anywhere near them again I will come and select various socialist party scum and I will put your shitty worthless political aspirations in the fucking ground.

The Great British electorate has voted for justice against the bent barrister and former corrupt director of prosecutions.

Don't test your luck with me Keir Starmer you live in North London I know your address and I will run you over on a very heavy motorcycle.

Thanks to the socialist media in Great Britain for suppressing democracy and ensuring the backlash that destroyed your own failed vision of a Great Britain enslaved by socialist Labour.

We have fucking destroyed you all and this is my tribute to Leann Harmony and Riley and our Staffordshire bull terrier Ruby Bella.

Fuck Labour and fuck the bent Metropolitan Police @ Marlowe House.

Cowardly child thieving fucking bastards.

Sidcup boys will fight the world for our freedom.

I dedicate my twelve years of battle to all the teachers and students @ Hurstmere Sports Technical College formerly Hurstmere Secondary All Boys School Sidcup Kent.

The place to get a really great education for life.

I'm not new to fighting for justice at Hurstmere All Boys Secondary School supported by Mr Richard Syred my head of year I fought for ethnic group pupils being racially bullied and created a signed petition that broke up the gangs and dispersed them to different form groups within my year group.

I was a first year pupil just eleven years old and new what I stood for.

It was a contribution to equality and fairness and those pupils were able to study peacefully and realise their potential.

They have all probably achieved more than me in life and I couldn't be happier about their success and those are the Conservative values that inspire me to battle for Great Britain.

The Conservative values I am familiar with are about the empowerment of our Great British citizens and the willingness to place others in the best possible position to live the most enjoyable peaceful and rewarding life possible, to realise their potential and to sacrifice my own personal desire to accumulate wealth and social standing to realise my own potential and be true to who I truly am and to be honest with myself.

For all that I may not have I have ensured my fellow citizens have more than they thought possible and Conservatism actually means pride self belief courage fortitude intelligence strength and self belief and the stubborn gritty bold determination to become who you know you are.

People flourish when they have freedom and security people get hurt when they are mislead and endlessly trapped.

Conservatism is get off your ass and be sure to fucking try to believe and achieve.

Labour is stay at home feel and sorry for yourself and we can control you that way by keeping you on benefits.

I give everything I have away to others and that is what I keep doing and I enjoy doing that and that is because I can do that and it pisses the Labour party off because Conservative values deliver the goods and the Labour party only ever talk about delivering the goods.

Labour hate me because I am black and I stick by the Conservative government because I choose to be broke and a philanthropist and Conservatism is about being my black ass self and being Labour party black is about moaning that Great Britain is racist.

White people are no worse than black people the beautiful thing about being mixed race is I can be connected to my white heritage when it suits me or I can connect with my black heritage when it suits me when it suits me I can say fuck both of you I'm not either of you today I'm mixed race and when it suits me I can say I love both sides of my heritage today I am both black and white because I am mixed race so that is adaptable Conservative thinking that cannot be pinned down and entrapped because it is too resourceful and brilliant and expressive.

Therefore I can't be manipulated by the implementation of racially motivated political and socialist division.

Racism and learning why people feel threatened by what they don't understand led me to engage with white people.

Racism and learning why people feel threatened by what they don't understand led me to engage with black people.

What is dangerous is to set social communities against each other for political gain as all it does is create anger resentment and division and the Labour party won't be there to help you in Peckham when you get shot in the head so our prayers and thoughts are with the lady fighting for her life in hospital.

We are all Great British citizens and we can be a cohesive productive prosperous nation we must fight against terrorism however wherever and in whatever form it takes.

I urge the Labour party to please cease the stoking of division in Great Britain you are causing Great British people to suffer and get hurt and even get killed so please take the aggression out of your politics and unite the Labour party.

Terrorising the electorate into voting Labour is not a workable solution.

If you hate the people within the Labour party you spill that hatred into society so the two separate ideological halves of the Labour party must communicate with each other and make the party work as a viable political entity.

Both sides have something to bring to the table it is very possible to improve the Labour party but you all need to be professional politicians.

Original policies are a good start because attacking the Conservative government is backfiring badly the electorate know you have no credibility as a viable option for political power no one in their right mind votes for socialist party enslavement.

Have you considered the fact that the electorate may think you are all fucking crazy??

Mark Anthony Ward @ Harmony & Riley Potential Realised.

[h-pescod]

Why You Should Stop Screwing Around With Low-Energy People

* I should probably say that I'm going to curse occasionally, in this post or otherwise. I'm going to try my hardest to keep my language "professional," but at the end of the day I'm still going to get fired up about things - it happens, but I'll work on keeping it to a minimum.

*****

With all of the fads going on in society, whether it has to do with beauty or health or fashion, there is always someone telling you how to think, how to act, how to feel. And a lot of them are basic, helpful tips, like drinking water and keeping track of appointments by starting a daytimer (something often forced upon us in primary education when we need it the least, and pushed to the point where we hate it until we reach pseudo-adulthood, when we realize how useful they actually are).

Perhaps I won't sound all that different, judging by the title of this post, telling you to drop people from your life. You think to yourself, "why should I listen to you? I don't even know you." And you shouldn't - because you don't. But I will share a personal story, so you can judge for yourself how it works.

I am one of the most organized people I know, and I do everything from highlight to colour-code to run three different calendars to make sure I can keep track of everything. This type of thing is really helpful for when I have off days, when my brain decides all we're going to do is lay in bed, or binge watch the Lord of the Rings, instead of actually being productive and pounding out a term paper or another chapter of my book. I also value my sleep, so I try my absolute hardest to get to bed at a decent hour (as in, before midnight if I can), even if it means that I have to sacrifice finishing up the last couple of things on my to-do list because my eyes are almost literally being held open by toothpicks. What I will say as well is that last semester (full university course load, absolute hell, do not recommend if you can help it) I was also really struggling mentally due to a variety of external issues. All you really need to know is that I was tired all the time, but that I was still managing to get my assignments in on time and do decently well on them.

And I had this friend. She was nice enough, and a good person, and I enjoyed spending time with her. For sake of anonymity, we'll call her Amy. Amy and I had a class together, and while we didn't necessarily see each other all the time that was okay, because we were both busy. At the beginning of the semester, after having an argument, we were still seeing each other for an okay amount of time, going for coffee over break and then texting in the evenings. And that was all well and good.

Now, I struggled a lot over the summer, and even going into the beginning of the semester, but I was working on keeping a positive attitude even though I had a lot on my plate. But even if you're self contained, it's nice to have some sort of support system. The problem was she was a super crappy texter unless she really wanted to talk to you. And that was fine, because Amy also had a lot going on in her life, so I tried not to worry about it too much as far as day-to-day stuff. It really started to grate on my when I really needed her and she wouldn't even reply until several hours later, sometimes in the evening the next day, or two days, and her only excuse was "I was busy," even though I knew she was active on all her social media, and she had hung out with several other people during that time.

I won't go into too much more detail, but let's just say that this put Amy and I on the rocks, big time. Am I saying that I did everything right in the relationship? No, by no means was I perfect. There were plenty of other things I could have done to maybe impress upon her that despite being her so-called "best friend," Amy wasn't even treating me like she liked me very much. But as you can probably imagine, this whole ordeal was unnecessarily draining on me, and it wasn't something I needed on top of everything else going on in my life. I wasn't getting the support I needed from her, despite giving more than enough to her and constantly checking in to make sure she was taking care of herself (she had a bad habit of trying to lose weight by.... not eating... like at all... I'm talking full-blown Tony Stark diet, sans alcohol).

I don't want to bad-mouth her. Amy was a good friend, for the most part.

But she was also super low-energy. Like I'm talking 90% of what she did was complain about shit, even if it wasn't directly related to her; school, her cousin, how tired she was all the time, how busy she was even though almost all of her schedule was self-imposed and when she wasn't fucking around at yoga and taking pictures in coffee shops working she was doing absolutely fuck all until 22.30 when she actually started to study. Sorry, still a little bit salty about that. My point is that she was really negative, and our conversations started to revolve around a couple of select topics rather than a wide variety, if they occurred at all.

We managed to keep our friendship alive, in a Frankenstein's Monster "returned from the dead" sort of way, until December, when I had suffered through numerous depressive episodes that she couldn't care less about because she "didn't have time" even though she could do all sorts of other things, and cared about other people (when I say "didn't have time," I'm saying that she wouldn't even text me back when I wouldn't talk to her for days since I was spiraling and she knew it, no that she didn't necessarily care about me). So I dropped her, and we argued about it. Amy said she hadn't done anything wrong even though we had had no less than three conversations about her shitty attempt at superficial friendship in the span of four months, and things would change or about four days until she went right back to it.

And now - now, oh my gods. It took me a bit to be able to hear her name or think about her without hurting inside, because I cared about her and that wasn't reciprocated, but now I'm so over it that I see her in the hallway sometimes and if I didn't hear her name I wouldn't even have known she was there. I don't feel as tired, emotionally, as I did when I was struggling to keep a friendship together all by my damn self. I'm a happier person. I'm more focused on bettering myself rather than trying to please another person, and I've more or less adopted "equal effort or leave" as my motto. I've stopped fucking with people who are so internalized with their own problems that they couldn't give less of a shit about your feelings or what that's doing to a relationship.

I'm not saying that you should immediately drop someone who isn't giving their fair share in a relationship. "It be like that sometimes" is a good thing to keep in mind, because people go through things that they may not feel comfortable sharing and they may not be able to give 100% to you. Sometimes you have to pick up the slack. But you also have to remember that if you're consistently giving more to them than they're giving to you - like Amy was, taking my support but giving very little attention or support in return in the ways I told her numerous times that I needed it - then you may have to consider letting them quietly out of your life. If they aren't picking up the slack when you need them to and only support you when it's convenient for them, re-evaluate. Have the tough conversations about why what they're doing is hurting you. It isn't worth your mental health to try and keep beating a dead horse, especially if you've expressed your concerns and their behaviour hasn't changed.

Friendships, relationships, and human interaction are all wonderful things. You need them. They're important to social balance and making sure you don't get stuck in your own head all the time and you have people to take care of you. But at the end of the day, your mental health needs to come first. If you aren't happy with something, change it. If something is hurting you, figure out why and deal with it. People who aren't on the same wave-length as you, who are negative and only bring down your mood when you have a conversation with them, are not people who you want to be around long-term. At risk of sounding like all of those infomercials where they guarantee you things, I can guarantee, from personal experience, that if you evaluate every relationship that's causing you pain and let that person go if you have to, you will feel better. You'll be happier. It will be one less thing for you to worry about at the end of the day.

Because you do not depend on the attention other people give you - your health, your idea of yourself, is not dependent on the amount of time people spend on you, and if someone is wrapped up in themselves and cannot see you for your worth, then maybe they aren't as important in your life as you thought they were going to be.

Stagnation is a sign of low energy, and in order to take care of yourself you need to be aware of it. If something stagnates, ask yourself why. If it's a change you can make, then do it. If it's a change they can make, or need to make, talk to them about it. They may not realize they're doing it. But if it becomes a consistent problem, at the end of the day your life only deserves positive energy, and you may need to let them go. You are not responsible for taking care of people.

[thesimplyluxuriouslife]

299: How to Live a Life with Less Stress & Why It's Vital for Good Health

"The lack of meaning in our lives stresses us out, but too much stress makes it harder to find meaning." —Dr. Rangan Chatterjee, author of The Stress Solution

Yesterday, for the entire day, aside from letting my pups outside from time to time and feeding them, I wallpapered. I turned on old British cosy mysteries (Poirot with David Suchet), and went to town (hopefully) transforming my primary bedroom from a gray space to a French/English Countryside cottage space.

After such focused projects, I sleep deeply. Stress? Nonexistent.

Dr. Rangan Chatterjee explains in The Stress Solution how when you've found something you love "time, and even you sense of self, will seem to vanish when you're busy with it." Yep, this is the 'flow state' we've heard so much about. Your emotional brain finds it difficult to grab your attention as your rational brain is being fully encouraged to grow he further teaches. All of this is to say, any negative thoughts, cannot grab hold because you are intently engrossed in something your full attention needs to be engaged with.

Dr. Chatterjee shares more specifically as psycholoist Mihaly Csikszemtimihalyi (who coined the phrase - flow state) found, flow is only fully reached when we are challenged. Which makes it all the more important to find something to give your attention to regularly you not only love doing but also steadily gives you the opportunity to grow.

All of this is to say, we can alleviate and solve the problem of unnecessary stress in our lives. And when we do so, not only will our overall health improve - in the short and long term, but we will deepen the daily contentment we experience and improve our everyday lives.

Part of struggle in America with eradicating stress is whether the culture will admit it or not, it (and I am choosing a non-human pronoun intentionally as we unhelpfully give the culture control over our lives as though we cannot change it - as though it is concrete) thrives when we are stressed. Economically, when people need something, or feel they need something (remember 'false needs' from episode #298), they feel inadequate or lacking, so they do or buy or change which requires 'something else' which keeps us out of the present moment.

Back to the pronoun of it to describe the culture which we think we don't have control over. We do.

Morrie Schwartz, the man of insightful wisdom about living and dying well introduced to readers through Mitch Albom's book Tuesdays with Morrie, expressed and beautifully exemplified the need to cultivate your own culture if the one presented by the world does not work for you.

"Morrie, true to these words, had developed his own culture—long before he got sick. Discussion groups, walks with friends, dancing to his music in the Harvard Square church. He started a project called Greenhouse, where poor people could receive mental health services. He read books to find new ideas for his classes, visited with his colleagues, kept up with old students, wrote letters to distant friends. he took more time eating and looking at nature and wasted no time in front of TV sitcoms . . . he had created a cocoon of human activities—conversations, interations, affection—and it filled his life like an overflowing soup bowl." —Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

Alleviating our lives of stress will take courage - in grand, but many seemingly small ways, practiced every day until they become a healthy habit of being present.

So how can we resolve the stress problem? Dr. Chatterjee has created an acronym L.I.V.E.

L —Do Something You Love, find your flow state and engage in it regularly (often)

I — Do Something With Intent, be present fully in each day and revel in the pleasures of the little details of life which are everywhere if only we'd look. Being present enables our sight to improve and thus elevate the quality of our everyday experience. (I share an example of one such everyday moment in the conclusion of this post.)

V — Develop a Long-Term Vision, Chatterjee sites Viktor Frankl, an Austrian psychiatrist whose approach to psychiatry, the world of psychiatry calls the third school following Freud and Adler. Frankl’s theory is that “the primary motivation of an individual is the search for meaning in life and that the primary purpose of psychotherapy should be to help the individual find that meaning.” Frankl, having survived Auschwitz, found the key difference was the ability to focus on what needed to be done to live because he had a sense of purpose, a long-term goal. Chatterjee sums up, "When we know the 'why' of our lives, we automatically reduce our stress load. Research indicates that we're able to endure short-term struggles with much more resilience if they're helping us achieve our long-term goals."

E —Do Something That Makes You Engage With Others, the engagement need not be a large social event, in fact, the engagement Dr. Chatterjee references is of giving to others - doing something that is helpful, useful, contributing positively in some way that is meaningful to someone else, someone who may really need what you can give.

Of course, there are MANY other choices and habits needed in our daily lives to reduce our stress and Dr. Chatterjee details them all with helpful specifics to incorporate into your routine. Below is a general list:

First and most important: Find your purpose and meaning. How? "Find periods of calm space to stop and think and then pursue one or more new activities that you are passionate about . . . People with a strong sense of purpose enjoy significantly better health compared to those who don't including less likelihood of developing heart disease, strokes and depression. Research also shows that they sleep better and live longer . . . and live happier lives."

Discover your raison d'être (reason for being). Give yourself the time to come to understand your true purpose, not society's, not your parents', not your spouse's, not your boss's. (explore TSLL's 2nd book to unearth your unique journey and direction)

Get enough sleep each night (what is 'enough'? what you need to leave you refreshed and rested when you wake up)

Prioritize regular exercise - aerobic, strength and mental (yoga, meditation, etc.)

Eat a diverse, rich, whole, unprocessed diet of food - Eat the Alphabet he emphasizes on p. 144 in the book

Find time to be intimate with those you love and care about - put down your phone more often and have 3D connections - eyes, touch, voice.

Exercise your gratitude muscle every day - journal at the end of every day or anytime for 2-3 minutes, and ponder the 3-Ps - Person, Pleasure and Promise (someone who you are grateful for from your current day; something that brought you pleasure - a cup of tea, a beautiful memory made with someone; think about something that holds promise for a beautiful tomorrow/future)

Attentively select the soundtrack of your days - relaxing music, silence, turning down the 'noise'

Let yourself feel your feelings - have a good cry if that is what you need and then follow with deep breaths afterwards to move through whatever needs to be released.

Find healthy ways to release stress - becoming self-aware and strengthening your emotional intelligence will enable you to notice when you are stressed. Often, it is simply paying attention to how you are breathing. Have ready practices which help you to reduce or release what has built up (such as the item mentioned above - have a good cry). Having a good uncontrollable laugh for example or coming back to your breath and breathing deeply.

Create healthy rhythms in your daily life - sleep, eating, exercising, connecting, winding down

Limit your time on your smart phone and especially social media sites - Dr. Chatterjee explains how with constant exposure to social media sites, he calls it 'Facebook Brain', our emotional brains become overreactive. "Your brain starts to sense danger even when there's no danger present". But keep in mind, this is not just for FB. Come to understand how social media is designed (building the uncertainty addiction, so we keep 'checking'), and put yourself in the drivers' seat. Turn off notifications, set phone limits, remove your phone entirely from social time with others (out of sight), take notes in an actual small notebook rather than putting it in your phone, try using 'greyscale' on your phone to make it less desirable to view, consume less news - remove those apps, respect others personal boundaries of weekends and work hours and don't fill their inbox or their incoming texts except during hours reasonable for the relationship you have with them, and when it comes to music - buy a record player or CD player to step away from the tech, but still enjoy your time with music.

Delay gratification - exercise your self-control muscle - the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex area of the brain. Doing so will reduce impulse decisions when temptations appears. How to strengthen the muscle? Engage in tasks that require effort and practice - learn a new language - French perhaps? :), be inspired by The Queen's Gambit and learn chess, and yes, even play a computer game that requires skill and patience.

Welcome more nature into your daily routine - step outside to walk, to gaze at the sky, to feel the sun's warmth on your face and let yourself feel it. My dogs are my constant destressors and their companionship is priceless.

Switch off regularly and without apology.

"Your world is defined not by the books you've read but by your actions. That simple intervention is your first step. Take it." —Dr. Rangan Chatterjee

Sunday morning, five am. The boys ask for their first outdoor exploration while I prepare their breakfast. Tapping and trotting back into the house, they dine. I turn the stove top burner on to full heat to boil water. I select a teapot, the tea and wait while music from a favorite playlist transports my mind to beautiful memories of France. The beloved old copper tea kettle rattles and steam rises from its spout. Pouring the hot water into my teapot, I simply delight in my boys, their presence, their good health at such advanced ages, and I smile.

Savoring the everydays, finding peace in knowing the direction I have chosen for my life and being grateful for the opportunity to immerse myself in activities I love has given my life the strength to purge the stress which used to weigh it down. Understanding how stress presents itself and whittles its way into our lives is crucial to being able to free ourselves from its pains. I highly recommend The Stress Solution for clear, easy to understand insight into stress and what our lives truly need to feel good and buoyant and fully human as we live our one and only life.

Step one - find your raison d'être and travel forward from there. :)

~explore Dr. Rangan Chatterjee's The Stress Solution: The 4 Steps to a Calmer, Happier, Healthier You

Petit Plaisir

~Recipe for Brown Butter Lemon Sugar Crêpes

~explore Martha Homberg's cookbook - Crêpes: 50 Savory and Sweet Recipes

~Watch how to flip a crêpe here in episode #6, season 3 of The Simply Luxurious Kitchen

Tune in to the latest episode of The Simple Sophisticate podcast

[heatherlarsonarted]

The Art of Immersion and Teaching

In The Art of Immersion Frank Rose draws parallels between nonlinear immersive media experiences, utilization of the internet, and the idea that we no longer live in a media culture as mere spectators but as active participants. Interestingly enough, for educators and students who have muddled through 2020, many of Rose’s examples of immersion, or the lack thereof in the educational system, have come into sharp focus in their lives over the past year. Covid-19 has affected us all, and forced a desperately quick and imperfect change to an online learning model for many Teachers and students. In reading The Art of Immersion I realized that many of the participatory devices Rose discusses could be utilized to great effect inside teaching strategies where distance learning lacks the “immersive” experience teachers and students are used to as a baseline standard for in person teaching.

Rose asserts, “Crucially, Why So Serious? was nonlinear...it could lead you along different paths...Or they can take you into alternate storylines, showing what would happen if you, or the author, made different choices along the way.” Not only did this idea take me back to the beloved Choose Your Own Adventure books of my childhood, but I also thought about asynchronous online teaching, and it’s nonlinear nature. Not all students learn all subjects in a linear way - it has even been argued that learning in and of itself cannot be linear - I believe this pandemic to be an opportunity to rework the way we look at teaching, and how we teach.

This pandemic has brought to the forefront pertinent questions about our educational system, and how to measure the effect of online learning on our students, as suddenly this is an issue for every parent, not just the select few that may choose virtual or homeschooling. There’s been great upset over coursework, testing, “keeping up”, rigor, access and participation to name a few items of concern. I believe we can utilize nonlinear learning and immersive experiences to provide students with a better experience both in the classroom and virtually.

Ditching the standard notion of what learning looks like and implementing a nonlinear system would be a blessing for most students. Instead of having “grade level” and course Regents exams, the ability to demonstrate hands-on knowledge of a subject to earn a diploma would provide students with the ability to show what they have learned, and provide educators space to create lessons that are engaging, hands on, and immersive. An immersive experience is infinitely more engaging than one that requires the student to sit at a desk for eight hours a day. Why do we not think of education as a natural ally to entertainment? Entertainment can be made rigorous!

Weisman muses about his early experiences with Dungeons & Dragons, “Here was entertainment that involved problem solving and was story based and social… It totally put my brain on fire.” Divorcing students from the standard tracks of the education system, and from standardized tests would be the first step in creating an educational model that engages students and teaches them on multiple levels. If a student is excellent in reading, but does poorly in math, what do we do to support that learner? Will that student be left back because they are behind in math? Behind whom? How do we socialize students in a time where getting together in groups could put whole families in harm’s way? In the midst of Covid the educational system has sought to keep the cogs in motion by releasing students from standardized tests, SATs and ACTs will not be required to enter colleges. This should be used as the catalyst for change, clearly the testing is not the only means of showing proficiency if we are able to ditch it so quickly. I propose that immersive interdisciplinary teaching is a better fit for all learners - with the bonus of reducing test anxiety and allowing students to demonstrate their active knowledge base. Allowing for greater socialization through group experience, much like those participating in Why So Serious, would foster a much needed diverse socialization for those who are virtual.

In this vein I am reminded of the Choose Your Own Adventure books and Weisman’s observations about our humanity and culture. “What do we do on the Net?...”Mainly we search through a ton of crap looking for information we care about, like an archaeologist sifting through dirt.” People enjoy investigating and discovering. I would argue that making learning an immersive experience that asks the participants to build their knowledge in a game and clue-like structure would create a richer and deeper desire to continue learning. If we were to provide students with the feeling that they were choosing their own adventure, as this is their life after all, would we not see an increase in engagement? In a world where we are ever increasingly finding ourselves in a virtual teaching environment, would it not be ideal to foster as much engagement as possible? Ideally leveraging the lessons found in The Art of Immersion would also create a culture of media literacy. In order to use virtual learning to the fullest extent, we must also be able to “sift through a ton of crap” to find things both of interest and also of substance.

As time marches on and the world, and communication, continue to change it would be in the best interest of all students to as a society stop and really evaluate our educational system. I believe it is outdated and does not reflect the various issues students, or even adults, contend with today. We know more than ever before what the best ways to teach and learn are, and yet we cling to standardized tests, and place almost no emphasis on issues students will need to focus on for the rest of their lives, like media literacy. If we stopped during this time of great upheaval and took some guidance from platforms people at large love to engage in, such as immersive experiences, I have no doubt we would be creating happier and more productive students.