#i even remembered i wrote a fic a decade ago i never finished

[commander-rahrah]

Talking to the Moon: Part V

Pairing: Astarion x GN!Reader Word Count: ~6200 Warnings: emotional hurt/comfort, arranged marriage, slight family angst aka daddy issues? I'm terrible at these

archiveofourown: here

masterlist: here

part I: here part II: here part III: here part IV: here

Summary: Set at the end of Act II, after Moonrise Towers and Kethric. Reader/Tav leans on Astarion and reveals more about their family and their story from before the Nautiloid.

Notes: I've emerged from my cave I made on the couch in my basement and finally finished this update! I got bronchitis a week or so ago and it kicked my booty, but I'm finally feeling better!! YAY! I have no voice still, but good thing I don't need that to write fanfiction!

So this update reveals more of our Selune blessed Tav's backstory that is based off my original D&D character. I was really hung up on whether or not I should include more backstory and lore for this GN!Tav/Reader, since it isn't very typical for a lot of the gn!reader fics I've read. But it was giving me such writers block if I did not include it, as I honestly have the rest of this fic completely planned out and the endgame I have for this pairing relies on more of this backstory, so I decided to include it! Also, its my fic… and my character sooo I hope you enjoy my baby and the little story I wrote for them five years ago. This character will have a special place in my heart forever, and I'm excited to share more of them with you all!

I also desperately wanted to include a scene of Astarion and Tav/Reader kissing for the first time since his confession and them setting boundaries about physical intimacy and contact. I know the game just lets you click the kiss option right away, but I like to think its something that Astarion would build himself up to again and would maybe even have to relearn — not kissing like it was a performance, but instead an expression.

Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts! It means so much to me and every time I see a notification! It fills me with infinite joy ♡♡♡ I know there is lots of posts circulating about this and tags get filled with it, but reblogs and comments are so so appreciated!! :)

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He wasn’t sure how you did it. Astarion was exhausted, beyond that actually — shattered. His feet were stiff and aching, his mind fuzzy with weariness. Yet you were still smiling, accepting the gratitude of every single person at the Last Light Inn with humble nods and smiles. He’d never had a longer day in his life. The temple, the Shadowfell, Shadowheart, Moonrise Towers, the goddamn Absolute. Gale... Gods, you had talked down Gale from fulfilling the desire and demands of an actual goddess. All in one day. All he wanted to do was to fall into a bed with you, and sleep. To just pretend for one moment that there wasn’t any marching armies or impending vampire masters waiting in Baldur's Gate. To ignore the thrum of anxiety and fear that coursed through him as he remembered exactly what was carved into his back — what Raphael had finally revealed to him. Just for today, he had wanted to rest. But no — the end of this never ending day was to finish with a celebration. An annoying, lively celebration.  The vampire was being stereotypical as ever — standing in a shadowy corner, moody and silent as he nursed a red glass. It was wine. Gale had found a decadent bottle, buried away and forgotten about on some dusty shelf. The wizard had made an eloquent toast to the group gathered on the bottom floor of the inn. But he was now standing with Wyll — the two of them conversing politely with a pair of obviously flirtatious tieflings. Karlach had her arm wrapped around Damon, the two of them chatting enthusiastically and laughing.  Astarion was surprised to not see Shadowheart by Karlach — the two of them inseparable as of late. No, what was more shocking was that the dark-haired cleric was sat next to Lae’zel. Their mouths barely opening as they spoke to each other in low voices, buried under the noise of the celebration in the inn.  He almost choked on the sip he had just taken as his red eyes finally returned to you — where several people were forming a makeshift line to speak with you. The next one more bashful than the last as they leaned in to speak with you, all flushed cheeks and batting eyelashes.  You always had a certain charm about you, an innate ability to draw out easy smiles and laughs from others. You were also undeniably attractive — anyone who said otherwise would be a blind idiot. But other people being enraptured by you had never bothered him before. He had just silently agreed with them — that yes, you were indeed a prize like no other.  But you were his now, weren’t you? As he was yours. Even without the label or words that he still couldn’t figure out how to say. That he was too afraid to say. Regardless, why were you entertaining these fools?

He'd not felt this before — was it jealousy? Gods, he was being like a petulant child who didn't want to share their toy. You were a person, you could make your own decisions. That was the entire point of all of this. 

What was he going to do — follow you around like a lost puppy? Drape himself over you, clutch onto you like a coat so others would see he was with you? 

You must have felt his red eyes piercing through you as you suddenly flicked your eyes over to meet his gaze. Your face instantly brightened, a smile tugging on your lips. An overwhelming sense of relief went through him as you waved apologetically to the small group in front of you, before weaving your way over to his dark corner. 

"Yes, darling?" He drawled as you approached, trying to hide any emotion betraying on his face as he tipped his wine glass in front of it and took another sip. 

"Why are you hiding away in this corner? Not feeling like being paraded around like a hero?" You said sarcastically. 

Astarion rolled his eyes at you, replying dryly, "I am many things, but a hero, I am not."

You leaned in conspiratorially, lowering your voice until it was just a whisper. "I would beg to differ. But you have a reputation to uphold, don't you?"

He barked out a laugh, before flicking you in the nose gently. "You cheeky pup." 

"Ow." You feigned, scrunching your face up at him. "That hurt." 

A wave of courage swept through him as he pushed back the little voice in his head. He leaned forward and pecked his lips onto the tip of your nose. He hoped the tingle that spread across his lips as they met your skin would spread to you. It seemed it did as your skin then flashed a delicious, brilliant shade from surprise. A tiny squeak even escaped you, your eyebrows shooting up. 

You had not kissed, not since his confession. Not since all of this had started. Not a brush of lips against hands or cheeks, nothing. The look on your face and the sudden increase in the thrum of your heart had him feeling light headed. Did he truly have such an effect on you? 

For a moment, he let his gaze from you lapse as he swept his eyes across the inn. To the disappointed glances of a few partygoers, and the knowing looks of his companions, watching the pair of you interact. 

A flash of gratification went through him, satisfied at the effect he had not just on you but at those who had eyed you before. It squashed the jealously that had made a pit in his stomach, instead twisting it with a new, slowly recognizable feeling. 

"There, all better?" He smirked. 

You let out a breathy laugh, nodding at him. 

Astarion rubbed his lips together, the tingling sensation on them lingering still. "How much longer does the Hero of the Shadowlands need to stay down here?"

You looked over your shoulder to the gathered patrons, the crowd thinning out more and more as the evening faded into a dark, late night. "Bored already?" 

He let out a weary sigh, letting his shoulders droop. "Exhausted, darling. And I know you are too." 

You were always a sight to see, holding a beauty he could have never imagined or conjured up in his head. But he could see the purple circles under your eyes, the usual sparkle in them had long gone dull. 

Your eyes flickered to your boots, nodding your head in defeat. "You're right." 

"I believe they have set some rooms aside for us, if you wish—"

"Do you?" You caught him off, trying to hide your own eagerness.  

His gaze softened, a smile tugging on his lips, "Very much so."

The pair of you bid goodnight to your companions quietly, subtle nods and waves as they continued their own conversations or headed to their own rooms. Astarion walked slightly behind you on the stairs, his hand resting gently on the small of your back as you led the way.  The path you took was familiar, the worn floor boards creaking before you were outside the private room the two of you had occupied once before.

Astarion let out a sigh of relief as he closed the door softly behind him, the sounds from the lingering party below muffled and leaving you in a peaceful quiet. But as he found reprieve in finally being alone, you suddenly crumbled.

You dived for the bed, a heartbreaking sob escaping you as your hands covered your face. 

Your name choked out him before he crossed the room quickly and joined you on the edge of the mattress. Gods, what was it about this Inn and room that had you breaking apart on it? "Darling, what's wrong?" He asked, concern etching every feature.

"I- I, didn't-"

He remembered your words earlier today — gods, was that today? How comforting his touch was for you, being reminded of his presence. He placed his hand carefully on your own that was trembling on your thigh as you tried to speak. 

You finally gasped out, "She wasn't there, she wasn't-"

Mol. The little tiefling girl. You had promised those rascal children downstairs you'd find her. And it was you who had told them she wasn't in Moonrise tonight, swallowing deeply as they dipped their heads with disappointment. But you had told them not to give up hope, that she was resourceful and strong. You had sounded so convincing that even he had believed you. 

But here you were, sobbing and breaking apart in front of him. "Oh, sweetheart. Gods, I should have seen this, I'm sorry."

You sniffled, glancing up at him with wide eyes. "Why are you apologizing?"

He gave you a sad smile, his eyes shining with understanding, "I know you better by now. It was a mask you were wearing tonight...," He tucked a stray hair back behind your ear. "I hate it when you wear it."

"I just wanted everyone to be okay, I tried so hard..." Your voice cracked and broke. 

"You've done so much, darling. Look at what we did today, that was because of you." 

You always took care of everyone else. But who took care of you? Astarion thought, perhaps... him. He could… he would.

He had been.

"Oh my little moon, you don't have to carry the world by yourself, you know?" 

You sniffled and nodded, silver still lining the bottoms of your eyes. 

"May I?" He echoed the question you so often asked of him. You'd never touched him without asking the question first. Your consent you'd granted him was a separate conversation, one where you had told him casual, simple touches were okay. A silent conversation and agreement sometimes was exchanged with a look of your eyes. But with him, you had always asked. He thought that now he would return that favor to you, as you opened yourself to him — vulnerable and upset once again on the edge of this mattress. 

He hoped you appreciated the sentiment, as much as he did.

The vampire reached down, hovering his hands over your boots. Your brows furrowed slightly before you were nodding. Your eyes never left his pale fingers as he untied the laces of your boots, gently prying them off before setting them down neatly at the foot of the bed. Then he did the same to his own before he slid his way up the bed, leaning against the headboard before patting the spot next to him. 

"Come here." 

You hesitated, before beginning to scooch over to him. When he opened his arms as a silent invitation you hesitated again. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. Please come here." He nodded solemnly.  

Astarion willed himself to keep steady and clear, drawing a breath he truly did not need. He enveloped you in his arms as you laid next to him, trying to stop his limbs for stiffening. It was all so foreign, it was terrifying. 

But your familiar scent filled his nose, and he could feel the steady rhythm of your heartbeat with your chest pressed to his side. His fingers laxed as you settled into him, bunching into the material of your shirt. Your breaths started calming and eyes fluttering as you laid with him. 

"Is this okay?" You whispered — uncertainty laced every word. 

"I was just going to ask you the same thing."  He said softly, before swallowing thickly. "I don't know what I'm doing." You started to remove your limbs his, but he tightened his hold on you. "Don't, please."

"Astarion if you aren't comfortable—"

"I am, it's not that." He rubbed the soft material of your shirt between his fingers as he spoke, "I want so badly to be this for you, to be what you need. But I don't know how."

You craned your neck up to look at him, "I think you're doing a good job of it."

He looked down at you through his long lashes, "Truly?"

"Yes, Astarion." You sounded genuine, "No one... no one has ever made me feel the way you do."

He let out a sigh of contentment, settling in deeper with you before resting his chin on the top of your head. "I know we have so much left to do... But laying here with you. It makes it worth it."

"Are you scared?" You asked in a whisper. 

"Terrified, actually." He admitted. 

Your thumb rubbed across his stomach in smooth lines back and forth, "I will be with you every step of the way."

"That's part of what makes it all so terrifying." The vampire whispered, "Sometimes, I know that I couldn't do any of this without you by my side. But other times... when Ketheric turned into that thing, that abomination, with you looking so small in front of him..."

"I know." 

Astarion moved his head so he could look at your face, "You were right though." 

"Hmmm?" You hummed. 

"This is nice. Gods, when did I get so soft?" He chuckled, the movement of his chest vibrating your head until you joined him. 

Both of your faces were etched with bliss and contentment as you laid in the bed. On this bed where before he had laid awake, willing himself to fall into a trance, convincing himself to keep his distance from you, trying to protect himself from the inevitably of you. 

Now, you both fell asleep like that, still in your regular attire, wrapped in each other's arms with your head buried on his chest.

The stars caressing their moon. 

• • •

The journey towards Baldur's Gate was turbulent and nerve-wracking while also... hopeful. 

The group was buzzing with energy — the anticipation of returning to Baldur's Gate had made some of your companions restless in more ways then one. 

You were all sat for a short rest, relaxing in a patch of long, green grass just off of the dirt road you were traveling on. It was just your group now, the other parties and groups had begun moving at different paces and times until it was just your familiar companions now. 

Astarion was laid out in the grass, his head resting on your lap and your fingers absent-mindedly playing with his soft, white tresses. His eyes were closed, basking in the glow of the sun that was set high in the sky at this time of day. Occasionally the shadows on his face would bounce as his long lashes flickered, opening his eyes to glance at you with a dreamy expression on his face. 

It made your movements stutter each time you noticed it. But the grip he had on your heart — that was steady and true. He had possessed you in a way you still could not articulate, even all these weeks later. 

But you blinked back to reality as Gale's voice broke the silence. "You're a beautiful couple." 

You looked up, a sheepish smile spreading across your face from being noticed. Astarion craned his neck, his red eyes rolling back to look at the wizard before settling back into your lap with a disinterested look crossing his face. 

"Oh, I'm sorry... I'm made things awkward, haven't I?" Gale mumbled, his hands twirling with the blades of grass in front of him. 

You couldn't help the blush that was spreading across your cheeks at the attention. Especially as you realized the rest of your companions were looking over with small smirks. 

Gale continued as you remained silent, "I just meant that... Well, its nice to see my friends so happy. That's all." 

"Thank you, Gale." Astarion drawled, readjusting himself so he laid deeper on your lap. 

The wizard blinked in surprise, "You're welcome. Are you — is it a secret, or?"

"Not a secret, no." The vampire purred with a shake of his head. 

"We are just taking our time." You finished, a soft smile growing on your face to match the one spreading across Astarion's. 

"Hmm, that's nice." Gale trailed off, a wistful expression on his face. 

Before the silence could really settle in again, the rest of the party started a conversation up. 

"Won't be long now until we get to Baldur's Gate." Wyll said, his face hard to read. 

"Are you nervous?" Karlach stretched her long leg, nudging him in the ankle playfully. 

His mouth scrunched and nose crinkled, "I... I don't know how to feel."

"I can't fucking wait! I'll be able to show you guys my old stomping grounds!" The barbarian said excitedly, falling back dramatically into the grass with her limbs spread wide. She addressed you, shouting up to the blue sky, "What about you, Giggles? Excited to see home again?"

"Oh," Your fingers froze, hovering over Astarion's hair. "I had only lived in the city for just under a year. Home will always be in the north."

"The north? I don't think I've heard you speak of your home much." Shadowheart asked quietly, a quizzical look on her face. 

"I, yes— near the Ice Spires." Your mouth twitched.

"You hail from a noble line, yes?" Gale asked. Everyone was eyeing you with curiosity, even Astarion still stretched out on your lap. His red eyes shifting slightly as he studied you. 

You swallowed, painting on a polite smile before speaking, "My father is a Viscount. He is a formidable figure in the region." 

"Ah." The warlock grimaced, his eyes sad. "Why do I get the feeling our stories are more similar than I realize?"

You bristled. "I'm not exiled or anything... It's just been some time. That's all."

"That's all?" 

A humorless laugh escaped you, "I am a second born child. And my older brother is much more obedient and better suited to the game of politics than I am." You couldn't help the sad, bitter smile that spread across your face. The thought of home stung in more ways then one. 

Astarion noticed how tense you had become, his hand squeezing your knee as he pushed himself up with a dramatic huff. "We are never going to get to the city if we sit here lounging all day." 

You shot him a grateful look, and he gave you the slightest nod in recognition as he offered his hand to lift you up. He did so easily, brushing off blades of grass lingering on you both gently. 

"You were the one complaining not long ago about how long we had been walking for!" Gale said, sounding completely exasperated as Wyll helped him up.   

"Me? I said that? I don't think so." The rogue playfully scoffed, shaking his head so his soft curls bounced dramatically. He looked over his shoulder at you with a conspiratorial smile before stretching his hand out for you. His fingers intertwined with yours easily as he pulled you along the dirt path, away from the questioning and burning curiosity of the rest of the party. 

• • •

Your group finally settled down for the night — picking a small clearing just off of the well-worn, dirt path you had been traveling down. Perhaps the last time you would be sleeping in the wilderness. You would be at Wyrm's Crossing by midafternoon tomorrow. 

Astarion had set up your tent on the edge of camp, attempting to give you both some sense of privacy from your busybody companions. He knew they meant well, that they hadn't meant for this afternoon to turn into an interrogation. That, like him, they were just curious to know more about you. As kind and good you were to all of them, you were still somewhat of a mystery. You had revealed the origins of your powers to the group yes, but you rarely spoke about yourself or your home.

Not even to him. 

The vampire had been content to let it lie. He knew it would come with time — and he certainly couldn't make any demands of you. Not after how gracious and patient you had been with him. But he couldn't deny that part of him wanted to know more. Astarion had somehow become an open book with you — revealing and exploring parts of himself that he had buried down so deep that he was surprised he could find them. 

He worried that it all had been about him for so long. His trauma, his past, his goals. That maybe you had kept parts of yourself hidden away, on the back burner for him. 

You had your back turned to him at the moment, the golden flickering of the candles in the tent illuminating the curve of your spine and freckles across your bare skin. Your muscles stretched and tensed beautifully as you lifted your arms over your head —pulling your nightclothes over yourself as you changed in the corner. It was a boundary that was set much earlier, that he had slowly started making less and less strict. 

He wasn't ready for anything more yet — he knew that. But his red eyes couldn't help but roam your figure. He couldn't help the familiar sensation of want twisting low in his stomach, the twitch of his fingers at his side as he imagined running his fingertips over your soft skin again.  

The smile you gave him as you turned around was dazzling, even in the dim light and tight space of the shared tent. You joined him cross-legged in the center of the tent, both of you not quite ready to go to sleep just yet. 

He picked at his nail for a moment, trying to seem nonchalant as he opened his pink mouth to speak. "So... the Ice Spires?"

You raised a single eyebrow, a hard to read look crossing the rest of your features. "Yes?" 

His fingers continued to fidget in front of him. "It's cold... all the time?"

"Not all the time. Our winters can be brutal though." You said with a scrunched nose. 

"Oh, what a lovely sell. I can't wait to go now!" He said sarcastically. 

"Ha." You laughed dryly, before your voice turned wistful. "It's beautiful honestly... I miss it."

The vampire studied your face as you undoubtedly saw visions of your home in your mind's eye. The edges of his lips curved up as he remembered your promise to take him there one day. He broke you out of your daydream with a quiet cough before he spoke again, "You don't have to tell me, if you don't want. But why did you leave there, darling?"

Your eyes flashed to the floor of the tent, your mouth forming a hardline. "Promise me you won't be upset?" Your voice was barely a whisper. 

His eyebrows furrowed together at your reaction. He took two fingers, dipping them under your chin so you would look up at him. "Why would I be upset? You leaving home for whatever reason is why you are here now. With me."

Your eyes softened with his answer, before you nodded. Yet you still licked your lips nervously before speaking, "Well... you know that Selûne told my mother I would be destined for a different path then the life of nobility. My mother agreed to it all those years ago, both my parents knew and yet... they still hoped they could reel it all back in. That enough etiquette and language lessons would shape me into the perfect child they hoped I would be. But it was never me. I tried for them, I really did. Instead I started to fantasize about the people in our history lessons like they were characters in a book, and I spoke too loud and laughed at the wrong moment at dinner." 

Astarion couldn't help the smile that spread across his face as he imagined you as a child — your face round and soft with innocence, your brilliant smile with missing teeth. The havoc that you would have caused, racing down wealthy halls as you acted out scenes from your books and danced in an empty ballroom with your melodic laugh echoing in the space. A piece of himself he had long forgotten about twinged inside him. He couldn't remember his own childhood anymore — it was lost to the last two hundred years of darkness. But something warmed in him as he dreamed up what yours was like. 

He snapped back to reality as you spoke again. "But I had a duty. I'm the second born, I wasn't being primed to one day take over for our father and run the keep, but I could be used in other ways. I've known of it since I was twelve."

His white brows furrowed again, "Known what?"

"When I became of age I would be married off to secure wealth and political ties with other territories. I'm engaged... technically." You admitted. 

His eyes dropped immediately to your fingers, the several jewels that adorned them from the moment he met you. He had never thought anything of them — thinking they were an artful display of rings that matched your personality and appearance well. But there it was — a golden ring of much higher quality then the rest, with a large ruby sitting in the center of it. Gods, how had he missed that. 

"Oh my gods. I'm a homewrecker." Then he burst out laughing, his head thrown back and his hands holding his stomach as he howled.

"Astarion, you'll wake up half the camp!" You leaned forward and hissed. 

"I'm sorry, I just —" He let out between gasps of breath, "It's so funny. Of course the person I fall for is to be wed to someone else."

You joined his chuckles, shaking your head. "It is like a cliché plotline from some terrible drama."

"It is! Or like a punchline to some joke. Did you hear the one about the vampire and the fiancé?" You both laughed for a moment, before he clutched onto your hand and squeezed it reassuringly.  

"So you aren't upset?" Your voice a whisper again, uncertainty flooded every word. 

"Upset? Darling, why would I be upset?" 

You huffed out an exasperated breath, "Astarion, I just told you I am betrothed to another person."

"And you are on the other side of the continent from them. Not married. And sitting in my tent. Is this why you left?"

Your eyes widened in surprise, "Yes, we planned it all out actually— my betrothed and I." 

"Really?"

You nodded, "They had also spent the last years troubling over it, attempting to delay it for as long as possible." 

"I'm assuming getting kidnapped by mind flayers was not apart of that plan?" He said with a smirk. 

"Definitely not. I so badly wanted to travel, to see the world outside of our keep I'd known my whole life. So... they insisted to my family that they needed a spouse that was learned and well-traveled. That I could enroll in a college to become a more suitable match."

Astarion raised a white brow, "And that worked?"

"It did. I think my father was so desperate for it all to work out that they just agreed."

"And how did you attending a college lead you to Baldur's Gate so many miles away from home?" 

You let out a dry chuckle, "I will say that I did go to the college like I intended. I lasted a week. Just long enough to purchase supplies and stationary from the college before paying for a spot on the next wagon out of Silverymoon." 

"Stationary?"

"I've been sending letters home for the past year, using stationary from the college so my family believes I'm still there studying and being a model citizen." 

He raised his eyebrows, a smirk spreading across his lips. "I'm impressed. That's very conniving... I didn't know you had it in you."

You smiled sheepishly, your fingers twisting in your lap. "I'll admit it was a clever idea. I ran out of supplies about a month before the Nautiloid." 

He pursed his lips as he finally understood, "They haven't heard from you since then?"

You shook your head, "No. I imagine my father has sent some of his men to check on me, and they have long discovered that I took back my tuition deposit and left months and months ago." 

"This whole time we were worried about a vampire master storming our camp, when really it could have been a disgruntled father or worried mother finding us?"

A large exhale left your nose as you shook your head, "Oh, my father would never come himself. He would just send his second-best men and a strongly worded letter ordering me back home. My mother though... I can only imagine how she betrayed and worried she feels." 

The vampire squeezed your hand again before running his thumb along the backs of your knuckles. "Why did you never tell me this?" 

"Astarion, the hardship and abuse that you went through...," Your eyes shined with pain, "My story is nothing compared to yours."

"Your story is not nothing." He shook his head, his voice earnest. "Your story is you — and you are everything. Never spare parts of yourself from me." 

"Even the messy parts that years of etiquette lessons couldn't train away?"

He let out a breathy laugh before smiling at you, "Especially those parts, my lovely moon." 

"You have gone soft on me, Starry." You teased before matching his smile. 

• • •

After another day of travel, you stood in the abandoned castle in Wyrm's Crossing, bracing yourself on the stone wall. The skyline of Baldur's Gate could be seen from here, the distant sound of the bell's ringing heard even from here. 

Your party had finally made it — after all of these weeks. You would walk the familiar cobblestone streets of Baldur's Gate tomorrow. The familiar scents and sounds of vendors and citizens, the bustle and crowds would be so different from the wilderness and forests you had been traveling through. 

The group's energy was buzzing as you settled for camp in the abandoned castle — a strange mixture of excitement and nerves. Astarion hadn't hidden his feelings with you — his anxieties and insecurities surfacing with every step closer and closer to the city limits. With every step closer to Cazador and his ritual. Hundreds of different ideas were bouncing around his head, you could tell. 

Yet your confession to him last night was still replaying in your head, especially as your stared at the ring on your left finger — the red gem catching the light. You weren't sure why you wore it anymore. A habit, you guessed. 

The sound of purposeful, shuffling feet announced that you were no longer alone. Craning your neck you looked over to see the man who normally consumed your thoughts, climbing the stone steps that led up to the falling apart battlements you stood on.

"What are you doing up here, darling?" 

"Just taking a moment."  You admitted as you loosed a heavy breath. "And you?"

"Oh, just over pretending to be interested the idle chat by the fire." Astarion waved his hand, before sliding in next to you. He braced his elbows onto the edge looking out over to the skyline. You watched him take a deep steadying breath, his eyebrow crinkled with worry for a moment. 

You fiddled unconsciously with the golden ring on your left hand as you watched him. The movement caught the vampire's attention, his red eyes snapping to it before looking up at you. He chewed the inside of his lip, before speaking, "Can I ask you a question?"

Your stomach tightened with sudden nerves, "Of course."

"This wedding... Your arranged marriage." 

"Hmm?" You hummed. 

His pale throat bobbed as he swallowed, "Would you have gone through with it? If there was no Nautiloid, no tadpole — none of this. Would you have gone through with the arrangement?"

A heavy sigh escaped you as you pushed your elbows off of the stone edge and stood up, "I would have... I would have tried. It felt inevitable before — inescapable."

He shifted around, so he was facing you — standing to his full height and looking you in the eyes. "And now?" He whispered, his long fingers reaching to brush the insides of your wrist lightly.

"Astarion... I never could have imagined any of this. I spent my whole life fantasizing and daydreaming of an escape and grand adventure. Nothing I've dreamed up has ever come close to being with you. I have fought mind flayers and ogres, refused Gods and marched across the country so that we can keep going. So that we can have a chance. I will take my father's disappointment and wrath for ruining his plans for financial security." 

"Heh — We can add him to the list of people we've angered along the way." He joked, but his eyes were glimmering with unspoken emotion after your declaration. 

You studied the handsome man before you, your lips parting slightly as you took him in. He was radiant in the moonlight, his white hair and pale skin shining. The way his usually sharp eyes softened and rounded as he looked at you.

Gods, you loved him. You had known for sometime now that you did. The words had been crawling up your throat, lingering on your tongue and swirling in your mind for days. But you would be patient for him. 

One side of his pink mouth turned up, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Your head cocked to the side, "Like what?"

"You..." He seemed like he was at a loss for words for a moment. He shook his head at himself, before he admitted in a whisper, "They way you look at me... you make me feel like I'm poetry."

"You are, Astarion." You said simply. Courage suddenly flooded through you. You knew you would be fine, no matter how he answered. You wouldn't dare rush him. But you wanted to ask tonight. "May I — May I kiss you?" 

He blinked in surprise before his red eyes flicked down to your lips and he unconsciously licked his own. Then he locked eyes with you, nodding breathlessly. "Yes," He whispered back, his long lashes fluttering. "Yes."

Moving your hands up slowly and gently, your fingertips gripped the side of his strong jaw. You heard his breath sharpen as you moved your face to meet his — slowly, giving him time and space, allowing him to change his mind and pull away. But he didn't. Instead his eyes closed softly, his head tilting towards yours as he waited for you to kiss him. Then your lips locked as your mouth pressed softly against his, carefully as you waited to see if he would kiss you back. A low noise escaped you as you felt his lips press harder against yours, returning the kiss. 

You had long thought of your first kiss with Astarion in the woods near the Druid's Grove all that time ago. You thought you had memorized the sweet taste of him on your lips, the scent of leather lingering from his armor and groans that made the hairs on your arms stand up. 

But this — this was so different. Not practiced, not ritualistic like he so often said. 

This new first kiss was so painfully soft and tender. He tasted like wine, rosemary and honey. His hair softer then you remembered as your finger toyed with the curled tips at the base of his neck. The happiest of sounds escaped him as he parted his lips for you, allowing you to deepen the kiss as your tongue slid across his teeth. You both stood like that for a moment, relishing in the feeling until you both felt dizzy. Your lips stuck together slightly as you pulled away. His forehead was pushed against yours, like he was no longer content to not be touching you. 

Astarion's eyes were ablaze in the moonlight as he looked at you, his mouth falling open as he caught his breath. "Again. Kiss me, again.” “Starry?” You asked, your brow twitched. “Kiss me. Please. I miss it, I've missed you." One of his hands gripped the tip of your chin as you moved your mouth back towards him, halving the movement as he pulled you back in for another kiss. The other intertwining with yours in between you, squeezing your fingers gently. 

His sharp teeth dug into your bottom lip, causing a shudder to run down your spin. "Slow down, my love." Your groaned out.

"I have — weeks of this — to catch up on." His voice was breathless and he continued to interrupt his own words as he pressed lips to yours over and over. 

You pulled away, studying his face — the skin around his mouth pink from kissing, a slight flush crossing his complexion. But his eyes were fixed on you, filled with want and need. "I'm not going anywhere, Astarion. We have time." 

"Good. " He beamed, resting his forehead on yours again as you both breathed each other in. The two of you silhouetted on the crumpling battlements as you held on to each other for a moment longer.  

Read Part VI here

[acacia-may]

For What It's Worth (Black Clover Fanfic)

A shadow looms over the dining room when the Golden Dawn gathers for the first time after tragedy threatened to destroy them. Even Yuno who has strived to remain emotionally detached feels its bitter sting, but his attempts to push it aside are thwarted as soon as it becomes abundantly clear that a certain flower mage is in desperate need a friend.

OR

Yuno has always considered himself ill-equipped to deal with emotionally charged situations, and, despite Langris' apparent insistence to the contrary, he doubts that he is in any way qualified to act as consoler. He finds, however, that, for Mimosa at least, he is willing to try.

Yuno & Mimosa’s Friendship and Hurt/Comfort. Also, Yuno & Langris’ Friendship and the Golden Dawn as family.

Characters: Yuno (POV Character), Mimosa Vermillion, Langris Vaude, Klaus Lunettes, William Vangeance, and the Golden Dawn (David is mentioned which is important to me)

Relationships: Yuno & Mimosa Friendship, Yuno & Langris Friendship, Yuno & The Golden Dawn Friendship

Genre: Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Golden Dawn as Family, Post-Spade Arc, William Vangeance is a Softie (Change My Mind), and Yuno Can't Feelings But Is Trying His Best.

Warnings: Implied/Referenced Canonical Character Death, Grief, Black Clover Spoilers for the Spade Arc.

Rated: G

Word Count: 2,612

A/N: This fic is the first and only time I ever wrote in Yuno's POV (apologies in advance to all my Yuno enthusiast friends. I hope I've done him justice 😅). I mentioned this fic in an answer to a recent ask and realized I never cross-posted it to Tumblr. After rereading it on AO3, I thought it was deserving of a home here too. I hope you all enjoy it.

Link to Work on AO3. Full Text Below the Cut. Thank you for reading!

With a sigh, Yuno pushed the food around his plate. It looked delicious—far more decadent than anything he had experienced growing up in Hage Village where most meals consisted of only potatoes. Yuno sighed again. That seemed so long ago now, and so much had happened since then leaving Yuno feeling hardened and weary—old, his mind finished for him.

He placed his fork at the side of his plate. He didn’t feel like eating.

Neither did many of his squad mates, it seemed, as the dining table was filled with picked over plates of food. Klaus, who was seated to his right, had barely touched his besides to take a few bites of steamed green beans and Yuno couldn’t help but wonder if that was only to be polite.

The seat to Yuno’s left was vacant as was the seat to Klaus’ right, but place settings had been laid out in front of them anyway. The sight made Yuno’s stomach churn, and the quiet conversations of his squad mates faded as Yuno’s gaze drifted to the many untouched place settings and empty chairs around their table. His chest grew tight, and he swallowed hard.

Klaus gently nudged his elbow as he reached for a knife and gave him a sympathetic smile before returning to his green beans. David’s voice carried from the other end of the table telling a story not nearly as exuberantly as Yuno had heard it before. Directly across from him, Langris pursed his lips together and grabbed for his glass of wine. He met Yuno’s eyes with a slight tilt of his head. Yuno knew he was thinking the same thing. They all were. 

It was the first time the Golden Dawn had shared a meal together since rescuing Captain Vangeance from Spade, and it was palpably quieter than it had been before. Something twisted in Yuno’s chest as he remembered some of the meals they had shared together in a past that was growing more and more distant—the clanging of glasses as Hamon made a toast; the applause as Shiren stepped in to cut generous portions of turkey for everyone; the raucous laughter and friendly conversation. Now there were only hushed tones, the sounds of silverware scraping against fine china, and a somber pall hovering over the dining room.  

Langris coughed drawing Yuno’s attention. His look conveyed more sympathy than any words and asked ‘Are you alright?’ Choosing not to think too deeply about the question, Yuno nodded with a slight shrug of his shoulders. Langris’ face softened, but he gave him a brisk nod before pointedly tilting his head towards Mimosa who was seated on his right. Though she stared intently at her plate, her gaze was glossy as if she wasn’t staring at anything at all. She hadn’t appeared to have eaten anything.

Langris looked back at Yuno then to Mimosa then to Yuno again. Yuno did much the same and they continued their nonverbal back-and-forth until Langris, seemingly exasperated with Yuno’s blank blinking, sighed and met his eyes with a pointed look that screamed ‘she’s your friend.’ Yuno sighed. He supposed he had always been closer to Mimosa than Langris was but that did not mean that Mimosa wasn’t Langris’ friend too. Yuno decided now was not the time to argue about this, however, and conceded that, yes, even though he still wasn’t entirely sure why Mimosa had adopted him as a friend in the first place, she certainly was now and he should probably do something—anything, his mind corrected—to help her. The only problem was, of course, that he had no idea what that ‘something’ or ‘anything’ was.

With a wish and prayer that the words would eventually come to him if he just started talking, Yuno cleared his throat. “Um…Mimosa?” 

It took her more than a few seconds to look up. Something panged in Yuno’s chest at the sight of her usually laughing eyes so dulled by grief.  “Yes?” she asked.

“Um…” Yuno’s mind suddenly went blank as she gave him the slightest most heartbreaking bittersweet smile. It was then that he noticed something glistening in the corners of her eyes. His heart sank. She was blinking back tears. 

Panicking more than he cared to admit, he glanced over at Langris who merely offered him a look that said, ‘Why in the world are you looking at me of all people?’ before he reached for his wine again with a bitter shake of his head. Yuno supposed Langris had a point. As much as Yuno had never considered himself adept with feelings due to his generally blunt and standoffish demeanour, Langris was much the same way and had insisted time and time again that he was cold, callous, and utterly ill-equipped to deal with these kinds of emotionally-charged situations. In other words, Yuno presumed, he was likely feeling just as helpless.

“Um…” Yuno repeated. “Are you…?”—his heartbeat pounded in his ears and something twisted in his stomach—“feeling okay?” The words felt stiff and unnatural as they fell out of his mouth.

Mimosa turned away from him abruptly but nodded. “Just not very hungry…”

Yuno swallowed hard at the pitiful hitch in her voice, and Langris having reached the bottom of his wine glass tilted his head towards Klaus, presumably suggesting that he would be better at handling this than either of them. In his best attempt to do so without appearing like a backwoods bumpkin from Hage or alerting Mimosa who was once again staring at her plate, Yuno gently nudged him with his elbow.

Klaus turned to him in confusion before Yuno tilted his head just slightly in Mimosa’s direction. “Are you alright, Mimosa?” he asked immediately with an ease that both baffled and impressed Yuno and, judging by his expression, Langris as well.  

Mimosa’s cheeks flushed almost as if she was embarrassed. “I’m fine,” she stumbled in an obvious lie. 

“Can I get you anything?” asked Langris who, Yuno presumed must have finally felt compelled to at least try something. 

“Um…maybe some butter, please?”

Dishes and silverware clanged as Langris, Klaus, and Yuno all bumped into each other reaching for the nearby butter dish at the same time. The room grew thick with silence, and Yuno became painfully aware of where all of his companions had suddenly turned their attention. A faint blush filled Langris’ cheeks despite his stern frown, and Klaus flushed as he cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses, which had been left askew in the kerfuffle. Yuno who had managed to reach the butter dish first, simply blinked at his squad mates before turning back to Mimosa and handing her the butter she had requested.

Her mouth had twitched in the corners though her blush had deepened. “I’m sorry, she whispered. “I didn’t want to cause…”

“Well, now that I have everyone’s attention,” said Captain Vangeance clearing his throat and, Yuno presumed, kindly trying to save them any further embarrassment while having no idea he had cut off Mimosa. Everyone turned to their Captain and raised their glasses as he tapped his for a toast. 

“I know this has been an incredibly difficult time for everyone. I don’t have to tell you all how hard it is to look around this table at all of the empty places and to think of all of the people who couldn’t be here with us tonight." As the Captain paused, Yuno’s eyes burned. Across the table from him, Langris stared at his glass and Mimosa’s fingers gripped the butter dish until her knuckles turned white. “Even though they may not eat at this table, they will always be a part of this squad.” Captain Vangeance’s voice hitched, and Yuno could have almost sworn he heard him sniffle, but he couldn’t bring himself to look up from his plate. “And as I look around at all of you here—my comrades and my friends—I am reminded of what an honor and a privilege it is to serve as your captain and I know that the Golden Dawn will endure”—he raised his glass—“To the Golden Dawn.”

“To the Golden Dawn,” repeated Yuno in unison with the rest of the table. As he held his glass to his lips, he noticed Mimosa hurriedly folding her napkin and rising from her seat, quietly excusing herself. Yuno’s stomach dropped as he caught sight of the tears which broke free of her desperate attempts to dry her eyes. He swallowed hard and watched her leave the dining room before he exchanged equally concerned glances with Klaus and Langris. Before either of them could say anything, however, Yuno’s body seemed to move on its own and he stood up from his chair.

Klaus tilted his head and Langris quirked an eyebrow at him, but Yuno somehow managed a reassuring nod that he could only hope conveyed, ‘I’ll go talk to her.’

*-*-*

Yuno found Mimosa sitting alone in the courtyard illuminated only by the light of the moon. Her shoulders were shaking as she buried her head in her hands. Yuno felt that familiar pang in his chest as he realized she was crying.

He stopped in his tracks unsure of what he should do. If he was being honest with himself, he hadn’t thought this far ahead. Leaving the dining room after her had been an impulsive thing—something Asta would do, he thought with a tilt of his head and the slightest twitch in the corners of his mouth—and he hadn’t given the slightest thought as to what he would do or what he would say when he finally caught up to her. What would Asta do if he was here instead, Yuno wondered.

For the next several moments, Yuno contemplated walking up to Mimosa and offering her some motivational pep talk about ‘never giving up’, giving the idea much more consideration than he knew that he should have. Mimosa probably didn’t need reassurance—she probably just needed a friend.

“Oh, Yuno?” she asked as she finally noticed him standing there. She wiped at her eyes, not that it made much of difference. He already knew she had been crying.

“Hey,” he said taking a seat next to her. “You okay?”

Mimosa nodded though her tearstained face and bloodshot eyes said otherwise. “Yeah…um…I just needed some air…”

Yuno blinked at her obvious lie. “Everybody’s worried about you,” he said in his blunt, matter-of-fact way, and Mimosa’s face blushed a beet red.

“I’m sorry,” she said twisting her hands. “I didn’t mean to worry anybody.”

Yuno shrugged. “It’s no problem. We’re your squad.”

Mimosa whimpered, and her shoulders began to shake again.

“Hey, please don’t cry,” he said—the even tone of his voice not at all reflective of his level of concern at seeing her cry again. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized frantically swiping at the tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I just can’t stop thinking about—” Her voice hitched as if the words were getting tangled in the back of her throat. Yuno swallowed and nodded. She didn’t need to finish.

“I know,” he said softly. “Me too.”

“It’s all my fault,” cried Mimosa, no longer even trying to stop her tears.

“No, it’s not. It’s Zenon and his generals’ fault for attacking our base.” The words felt as forced and mechanical as they did when he told them to himself over and over, and he knew better than anyone that they were going to do very little to make her feel better.  

“But I wasn’t even here,” Mimosa argued. “If I was, maybe I could’ve saved them.”

“Mimosa…”

“You saw what happened at the end of our battle in Spade,” she cut him off with a forcefulness that almost startled him—it was so unlike her. “All those people—they almost died…”

“And they would have if it wasn’t for you,” Yuno interjected.

Mimosa caught her breath—swiping at the tears cascading down her cheeks, and the words tumbled out of her mouth so quickly Yuno struggled to keep up with them. “But that’s the point isn’t it? If I could save Captain Yami and Gadjah and Nacht and all of those other people, why couldn’t I save Shiren or Hamon or the rest of our squad? They needed me, and I wasn’t there. If I was, I could’ve saved their lives too.”

“You don’t know that…”

“Yes, I do,” she argued curling her hands into fists.

“No, you don’t.” Heat rose in Yuno’s chest. He could hear it infecting his words as he spoke. “If you had been here, they would’ve just killed you too. We all would’ve died if it wasn’t for Captain Vangeance’s magic—back then…back then, there was nothing any of us could do.” As Yuno’s words echoed through the courtyard he wondered if he was speaking more to Mimosa or to himself. She must have been wondering the same thing because she turned to stare at him with kind and sympathetic eyes.

He turned away from her with a sigh. “Listen,” he said. “I know it’s hard not to second guess yourself. You’re an amazing mage, and you have incredible power—but this was not your battle to fight.”

Mimosa huffed and stood up from her seat—a fire and determination in her eyes that Yuno wasn’t used to. “I’m as much a part of the Golden Dawn as you. If my squad was fighting for their lives, I should have been there.”

“If you had died there, nobody you saved in Spade would’ve survived. Nobody, Mimosa,” said Yuno bluntly. His face softened. “And I know that’s not what our fallen comrades would’ve wanted.”

Mimosa sighed and took her seat again. She wiped at her eyes, but her shoulders had stopped shaking. After what felt like an eternity, she finally conceded in a small, quiet voice, “You’re right.”

Yuno felt no satisfaction in having won the argument. He certainly didn’t feel like a winner as he gave her a curt nod, and they sat side-by-side in the courtyard as she quietly cried—Yuno’s own eyes burning all the while with tears held back only by sheer force of will. He wasn’t sure how long they had sat there when he felt her hand brush up against his. He took it—giving it a gentle squeeze as if to remind her that he was still here, for whatever that was worth. When she squeezed his hand back, he wondered if she wanted him to know the same.

The words began to tumble out before he could stop them though they were so quiet he wasn’t sure she could even hear him. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you weren’t there…” His voice trailed. “I don’t think I could’ve lost you.”

Mimosa sniffled, and Yuno turned to her with wide, concerned eyes. How had he made her cry again?

He was wondering how he could take back what he had said when she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into a hug. “I don’t think I could’ve lost you, either,” she said as she pressed her chin to his shoulder. 

Yuno’s eyes widened, but before he could even begin to process what was happening, she pulled away from him again. Though her eyes were teary, she smiled at him.

“Thanks, Yuno,” she said before she sniffled and wiped her eyes. 

“Are you ready to go back in?” he asked.

“I’m ready if you are,” she said as she slipped her hand into his.

Yuno sighed with relief and nodded at her before they walked back into the dining room hand-in-hand.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

i have a confession

recently i had some trouble and had to delete an email

problem is, i used the google docs there to write my fics. and i thought i downloaded them all, but only one of my major ones did, and i lost everything else

literally all of it

i am anonymous because i lost my tumblr acc but on ao3 i am veetheree, and i had this longer dilemma regarding my potterlock fic (pretty disillusioned with rowling and all.that, unsure whether to continue) but even so i saw that a lot of people subscribed to it and i wanted to at least see where the story leads, i had over 300k words apart from the 40k i published

and i domt hve it anymore :') i didnt check the process because it seemed okay and i had other uni and work stuff to take care of, and now i check it and :') it's gone :')) im not doing well, and i am going to delete the fic i think

i dont have the energy to maintain it and i dont want it to be left in the dust either - i have lost all hope for it, and this is just a punch in the gut. and i was proud of the plot and how i intertwined the 2 worlds too

this is mostly just a rant because i dont really have anybody else who can relate to the pain of fic writing and the challenges that come with it

also, as to why i had to delete the email - it's complicated, hacking situation and such, but it happened over 2 months ago so im not able to retrieve it and neither do i really feel like looking into it, im done with that fic for good 😭

that's all, thank you for being a safe space for me to go to, and i apologise to anyone who was waiting for that fic to be updated :(

Hey Lovely *HUGS*

OH GOODNESS, I'm SO sorry you had a garbage time with your email, and even more so, accidentally deleted fics from your Google Drive without saving all of them. I'm TERRIFIED of losing my own fics from my G-Drive all the time (I do actually write and have about 15 "snippets" of fics on there) and back them up religiously.

That said, I can understand how life can overtake literally everything and just make being online Too Much™ – happens to me all the time 💜🖤. And I know how disheartening it can be to just... not have the motivation anymore to continue on with something, heaven knows I've done that plenty in my 40 years, LOL. And Lovely, we have to remember to do what's best for us in the long run.

When I was a teen, I wrote a fairly popular Sonic fanfic series that I never completed, literally left it on a cliffhanger. This was back before even FFNet, and fics were distributed in the Sonic fandom on our Geocities pages via Webring, LOL. After life took over, it still remains unfinished over 20 years later. I recently found the original word docs of all 9 of the stories (with the 10th one half-finished) and while I cringe at my bad writing from back then, I still love immersing myself in that world. One of these days, maybe I'll finish it, because I do think it was a great concept and intriguing storyline that dealt a lot with humanity and sentience, just obviously written by a teenager, hahaha.

The point of that anecdote? We can still love the things we wrote, and still want to engulf ourselves in that world from time to time and not feel bad about it. And if you decide to come back to it a decade from now, that's okay too. You're only human.

And never EVER hesitate to come here for a friendly eyeball to vent to. I try my best to make y'all feel not so alone. Glad to see you are okay, Vee, truly. That's what's most important.

*SNUGGLE BUGGLE HUGGLE* I hope you have a beautiful, prosperous day. And I'm sure your fic-fans understand <3

[eyra]

20 questions for Fic Writers

thank you to everyone who tagged me and I'm sorry it's taken me a month to do this.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

25 plus a few that I've posted anonymously. bonus points if anyone ever finds them.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

348,031

3. What fandoms do you write for?

just HP/marauders these days

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

A Brief History of Dragons - people like this Remus I think.

Beneath a Big Blue Sky - my love letter to Yorkshire.

Statten Park - an old one but I do actually still like this, it's a lot of fun.

Sunshine on Leith - can we knock this out of the top five already please.

And a Hedgehog in a Pine Tree - I'm so surprised that this is here, it's such an inconsequential little thing. people like Christmas I suppose.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

oh god I try I really do, every email that comes through with a new comment makes my day but I'm terrible for leaving them all unanswered in my inbox. I'm sorry to everyone who has ever left a comment that I haven't responded to.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The Proctor House for sure. A Winter, Forever Ago is pretty bleak too.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

most of them! probably the most joyous is something like Beneath a Big Blue Sky because you've been on a decent journey to get there. that goose threatening everyone's happiness and all.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not really. one comment I do get sometimes is that the way I write Remus/Sirius is OOC and yes I agree, it absolutely is. Remus in Beneath a Big Blue Sky has nothing to do with e.g. Remus in Ullswater. those men have never even met in a bathroom. James in A Brief History of Dragons is an arsehole compared to living legend James in Beneath a Big Blue Sky. Sirius in Statten Park is a complete stranger to Sirius in Heartstones. none of them, really, have much to do with their canon counterparts. just bits here and there but I haven't read the HP books in well over a decade and I don't really remember what these characters are actually like beyond the surface-level stuff, so a lot of what I write is fairly OOC. it's all done knowingly and intentionally and I'm not going to change that.

9. Do you write smut. If so, what kind?

oh gosh a little bit a little bit. please understand that I'm a repressed Englishwoman and I'm trying my hardest. Seventeen Hours and Statten Park are both fairly smutty. I'd like to write more but I'm awkward af.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

no not really my thing but I do like to take other stories and plonk marauders characters into similar worlds - Ullswater was very much inspired by If We Were Villains.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no but people keep nabbing them to get them printed and then apparently sell them? so actually maybe yes. grow up.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no because I'm a control freak and I don't allow my work to be replicated. sorry about it. I think people have done it for personal offline projects though and that's absolutely fine.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

back in the day I used to co-write with my then-partner but it was just bits and pieces, not full fics. again, I'm a control freak so I'd struggle with this. I need to get my own way always.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

right so I should say Remus/Sirius but honestly... Remus/James just reaches places other pairings simply cannot. so it's a toss up.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

oh god how long have you got. I think one of the reasons I dislike Sunshine on Leith so much is because I put that stupid note at the end promising a third part in a few weeks. that was in 2020 and I've still not done it. help.

16. What are your writing strengths?

description, particularly when it comes to: natural landscapes, buildings, food, weather. I think I'm alright at witty dialogue too.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

actually writing anything down. also action, can't do action to save my life.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I don't think I've done it but I'd give it a go.

19. First Fandom you wrote for?

I think it was LOTR and yes it probably still exists somewhere on an old desktop computer at my dad's house and yes that thought keeps me up at night.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

The Proctor House and Beneath a Big Blue Sky

[mimicteruyo]

A quick project update because my insomnia's making writing very difficult but it's still on my mind.

So I'm currently trying to muddle my way through:

Multichapter project 1: a.k.a. the hell WIP. I actually haven't touched it since incorporating my notes into the project, but considering what a hot mess the rough draft is it could use a longer rest anyway. The general structure is likely already as good as it's going to get, but fixing everything else… oof. I'm bracing myself for a preliminary rewrite to precede my usual editing passes. At least I finally came up with a likely title! (tfw I already used what would've been the ideal title nearly a decade ago, but at least the current title is also appropriate & even rhymes with that title 😂).

Multichapter project 2: oh look it's structural issues all over the place. This one is the simplest one of my current projects, so hopefully I can wrangle it into shape without too much pain, but it definitely needs some more polish.

Multichapter project 3: this time the structure is fine, but I'm worried I'm not doing enough to include all the necessary information: it's kind of dense and I worry the pacing is too fast to convey what I hope to get across. If nothing else, I know the most crucial dialogue scene in the fic is hopelessly broken (it's one of those things where I had a fully formed idea for the scene and simply wrote down some markers because I was convinced I'd remember…and then I didn't.), so that certainly requires some extra attention.

Multichapter project 4: I never even finished the rough draft and now have to toss out most of it anyway (the pacing issues alone were just yikes). However, at this point I'm confident that once I write new chapter summaries and start over, I'll be able to see it to the end.

Misc. shorts: one of these has a serious structural issue I still haven't solved, but hopefully the rest will be relatively easy to edit once I've let the drafts be for a while. 🤞

Hopefully everyone's doing well! I can't wait for my sleep deprivation to ease so that I can think straight again. Fight!

[suzteel]

🍓🍬🐝 for the ask game!

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

Well I've always been inclined toward telling stories, I can't even remember how young I was when I started writing my own. Never had much follow through though. I would come up with an idea, write down some, get bored and then drop it. Some things never change, I guess. But naturally once I discovered fandom and fanfic, I tried my hand with it too though I had the same problem as with my original fiction: either I would get bored, or it would take so long to write that it got jossed in the meantime. So for the decade and an half of my fandom I mostly wrote on and off, bits and pieces for myself in various fandoms, never finishing or publishing anything. Then one day five years ago, lightning finally struck: I joined a new fandom, was struck by an idea for a short one-shot, and managed to write enough of the scene down in the mania of new fandom high that I had a full complete skeleton of a fic. Then I spent that weekend parked at my local Starbucks finishing and editing it enough to post on tumblr. And after successfully completing one fic, it's gotten easier to force myself to continue writing my initial ideas. Though obviously, it's still a struggle.

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

Oh man, this one is hard. I just feel like I'm comfortable enough doing my own thing that I'm not entirely sure what is or isn't popular. Idk I maybe lean more in the Vegas is a sexual sadist camp than most people I know (and conversely don't think Pete is a masochist, though he has his own things that still happen to work), but I'm not married to that interpretation or anything. Oh also, Vegas does not have a praise kink. As in, I think Vegas's relationship with praise is complex and messy and is as likely to be a trigger than something that feels good.

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

Oh my gosh, @lu-sn has been my actual rock more times than I can count, especially when I've been in some of my lowest lows, holding my hand and dragging me through some really nasty breakdowns. I have no idea how I managed to get so lucky as to befriend her, but I know I'm better for it. And she's an incredible writer too; I'm still amazed when I remember this is the first fandom she's written for.

Also, little shout outs to @kissporsche @fleet-off @thepetesimp for their constant support and cheerleading, and also @thatblackdress who was my first cheerleader and beta for Vegaspete fic even though she doesn't even go here 😆

Thanks for the ask!

Writers Truth or Dare Ask Game

[madsworld15]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @lostcol

How many works do you have on ao3? 70

What's your total ao3 word count? 704,657

What fandoms do you write for? Mostly Queer as Folk, Schitt's Creek, and Teen Wolf. In the past, I have written for Shameless, Good Omens, Our Flag Means Death, Dead Poets Society, and Maze Runner.

Top five fics by kudos: I Can Be Your Hero (Teen Wolf, Sterek), To Me, You Are Perfect (Teen Wolf, Sterek), Mend My Heart (Teen Wolf, Sterek), Trying To Make Sense Out Of This Confusion (Schitt's Creek, David/Patrick), and Mother Knows Best (Schitt's Creek, David/Patrick)

Do you respond to comments? I try my best to reply to every comment I receive, but sometimes, it can be overwhelming, so it takes me a few months to get back.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? If we are going back to my fanfiction dot net days, there is a fic I wrote there that was post-major character death within the As The World Turns fandom. That fic, Never Alone, was about Noah dealing with the death of Luke.

However, on AO3, the fic with the angstiest ending has to be my David/Patrick, Schitt's Creek fic, where Patrick is diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's. It doesn't have a happy ending due to the nature of the disease. (Weep Not For the Memories)

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? For the most part, my fics are angst with a happy ending, but I think the one with the biggest payoff is actually a tie between two different fandoms. The first that comes to mind is Everything That I Am, which is David/Patrick from Schitt's Creek and covers both of them recovering from a major car accident. The other is On The Page of History, which is Sterek from Teen Wolf and covers Stiles being a teacher at a school experiencing a school shooting, and Derek is a deputy on call to respond.

Do you get hate on fics? Yes. When I wrote Patrick Brewer as asexual for a few fics, fans in a certain social media group were extremely nasty toward me and then stalked me to other platforms to continue their vitriol. It broke my inspiration to write any kind of fan fiction for a while.

Do you write smut? No. I don't even try. I usually do fade to black/illusions.

Craziest crossover: Going back to my fanfiction dot net days, I did a crossover where a gay character from As The World Turns (Luke Snyder) and a gay character from Days of Our Lives (Will Horton) ended up at the same bar one night and got drunk together. It was called A Night They Won't Remember.

For AO3, my craziest one was one where I had Thomas from Maze Runner and Stiles Stilinski from Teen Wolf run into each other on the beach. Seeing Double was just me poking fun at two roles by the same actor.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of.

Have you ever had a fic translated? No, but I would love for that to happen someday.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? YES! My best friend, Karyn, and I met through a Teen Wolf convention almost a decade ago. We then decided to write a fic together where the POV changed from chapter to chapter. It was called Objects in the rear view mirror (May appear closer than they are) and centered on Sterek as parents of twin boys. It was unfortunately never finished because of medical issues on her part, but maybe someday we will go back to it.

All time favorite ship? If you look at AO3 it would seem the answer is David/Patrick from Schitt's Creek. And while I do love them, my favorite of all time is actually a tie between Sterek (Stiles Stilinski/Derek Hale, Teen Wolf) and Britin (Brian Kinney/Justin Taylor, Queer as Folk).

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Right before I received a lot of hate within the Schitt's Creek fandom, I started a fic called Every Thunder That Came Was One More I Might Not Get Through. It centered on Patrick being an adopted child with past abuse trauma and David being a young man who witnessed a death in his early 20s. Both meet online and strike up a bond, only to find out that they are actually in the same therapy group IRL. Unfortunately, I only got through the introductory/story-building chapters before I lost all inspiration for Schitt's Creek fics.

What are your writing strengths? Introspection and dialogue are pretty evenly matched. Most of my fics are heavy on one or the other or a combo of both.

What are your writing weaknesses? Smut/Sex. I don't write it because every time I've tried, it comes out sounding extremely cheesy.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? I have used a line or two in different languages (I once wrote a Days of Our Lives, WilSon fic set in Italy), but I always make sure to have the translations in the notes at the end of each installment/fic.

First fandom you wrote in? The first fandom I wrote in was As The World Turns (Luke/Noah or Nuke)

Favorite fic you've written? I can't decide just one, so I will tell you my favorite one I've written from my biggest fandoms.

Queer As Folk: There's Beauty When It's Bleak

Schitt's Creek: Trying To Make Sense Out Of This Confusion, which is linked above, so instead, I'll pick my next favorite, Waves Crash With Anxiety.

Teen Wolf: Return to Beacon Hills

Shameless: Inquiring Minds

Tagging: @winderlylandchime @thotpuppy @vulcanscully and any other writers who see this and want to do it!

[five-and-dimes]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

I was tagged by @seiya-starsniper! 🤘

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

38 currently, but I orphaned a few in the past and am considering orphaning a couple more of my older ones, we'll see ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

220,579 - holy shit, when did that happen??

3. What fandoms do you write for?

At the moment just Sandman, although I still have some Umbrella Academy wips that I might try to go back and finish before season 4.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

lol I think just due to the nature of them being fics that have been on AO3 for a decade (which... holy shit I'm old 😂) my top five are four Teen Wolf fics and one Voltron fic

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Not really. I'll respond if someone, like, asks me something in a comment. I know I should respond more, but I often get overwhelmed and don't know what to say. So, uh... sorry everyone 😬

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hm, none of my fics have, like, angsty endings... I think the closest might be Now I Lay Me, just because it's more of a hopeful ending as opposed to explicitly happy (although I'm writing a sequel specifically so I can write the explicitly happy ending, so... that's me in a nutshell lol)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I would definitely say Smile Like You Mean It. That one is the most fluffy happy ending for sure.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nah. The worst I ever got was way back in the beginning on some of my Teen Wolf fics I'd get those comments that were like "you should have written it THIS way-" which were annoying but nothing I'd call "hate".

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

lol I wrote actual, explicit smut for the first time a few months ago with Undisclosed Desires. My fic famously will have almost-sex before something tragic happens and gets in the way lol, and even my one smut story is still very hurt/comfort. As much as I appreciate reading smut of all kinds, I think if I ever wrote more it'd be the same h/c vibe. I'm a one trick pony.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nah, the closest would be in my bandom phase? But I never fully understood if those counted as crossovers or not lol

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

As far as I know I have not

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yup! I can't remember which ones, but I remember approving requests to translate a couple fics.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I did once, and I had a lot of fun with the idea part, but the actual writing a coherent, publishable fic together was stressful. I love just bouncing ideas with people, expanding on topics together, yes and-ing with friends, etc., but I think fully writing a fic with another person isn't really my thing.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

lol it's hard to say I have an "all time" favorite. I tend to just have my favorite at any given moment. Obviously I'm super into Dreamling right now, but I've had tons of ships that I still love and reread stuff for.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Honestly, there's a bunch of batman wips that I started ages ago and still really like, but I just haven't been able to get into them (Sandman took over the brain real good lol)

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good at the emotional parts- it's why I like hurt/comfort so much. I will gleefully spend half a story ripping your heart out, but then I'll work hard to give it back. I think I'm good at writing inner thoughts in a way that helps evoke whatever the character is feeling. And I think I'm good at imagery.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Well for one thing I write out of order, so if I ever do multichapter fics I have to finish the whole thing before I can post it lol 😂 Also I think I struggle with action and plot. My writing is very heavy on character introspection, and I like my fics, but if you take a step back from them not a lot really happens in them.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I personally prefer not to, just because I'm monolingual. I'll either just do the italicized words and "they said in x language" or just say "they spoke in x language" and have the pov character not know what they're saying type of stuff.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Heroes. Does anyone remember that show?

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Oof, I will reluctantly narrow it down to three lol. Now I Lay Me (I love the concept), Sloom (love me some family angst), and Recoil/Release (A Voltron fic that is currently my longest fic, and was another one that I was really proud of the concept and characterizations)

I don't know who's already been tagged, but I'll tag @gabessquishytum @cuubism @softest-punk @magnusbae and @pellaaearien

[marshmallowgoop]

heishin for the ship bingo!

Them!! 😭

They are EVERYTHING to me: Okay, so, I've been familiar with Detective Conan for about a decade, yeah? Ten years ago is around the time that I first started watching the anime, and let me tell you: I don't remember caring for Heishin—or even Heiji!—like, at all back then. (The Reveal (Episodes 57-58) was fun, but I wouldn't say my feelings really went much deeper than that.)

But I've been rewatching, and getting way further than I ever got the first time around, and my fictional taste buds must have changed because these two have now absolutely destroyed me. I wrote my very first DCMK meta about them, and, well, I put this together for another post also about them that I've been working on, the intention being to highlight all the Heiji-Shinichi relationship analyses on my Ramblings page in order emphasize my utter infatuation with this duo, and... yeah.

Of all the Detective Conan essays listed here, 17/43 of them concern Heiji and Shinichi to some extent... and since I only update this page periodically, this list doesn't even include my last Heishin post, which would make the count 18/44.

So, nearly 41% of my writing about this series involves discussion on them... and one of these characters is only included in maybe 10% of the story.

They really, truly are so much to me.

They drive me crazy/insane /pos: Clearly! "Miss Mystery," Opening 33, has me screaming, crying, and throwing up with its depiction of their relationship...

And I flipped through the manga version of Episode 174 for the first time recently (Files 225-230), and the way that Conan imagines Heiji's smiling face when he fears that the worst happened to his friend utterly destroyed me (File 228)...

And one of my GIFs (from Episode 277) got passed around some more a bit ago, and I was once again reminded of how gently Heiji places Conan on the ground, how careful he is regardless of the minimal distance, and I once again felt like the pleading face emoji...

And have I mentioned "Conan's Dream Vacation" enough yet?

I could go on and on and on. (And considering that I've, uh, written a whole Heishin masterpost, I guess I kind of already have.)

Relationship goals <3: They've got problems, absolutely, but the way they just... sync? The way they Vibe? #Goals for sure.

They get each other. Immensely. They finish each other's sentences, come to the same conclusions at once—they both serve as a reminder to the other that they're not alone.

It's easy to meme on this panel of Shinichi in the manga (File 520), but it is beyond sweet to me that he's so eager and excited at the notion of someone just like him.

Heiji and Shinichi are genuinely a place of comfort for each other, and that is the definition of "relationship goals."

I need a 30k hurt/comfort fic on my desk by Monday: Detective Conan seems all but entirely disinterested in depicting its heroic men as vulnerable. Heck, if the "Murderer Shinichi Kudo" case (Episodes 521-523) is any indication, there's the message that a person like Shinichi would never do something like cry. He's too "strong" to.

Needless to say, the sentiment leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Relying on others and crying aren't "weak" things but human things, and one of the biggest draws of Heishin—for me, anyway!—is that Heiji and Shinichi do allow themselves to be vulnerable with each other. Shinichi admits to some of the trauma he's suffered in as soon as his third encounter with Heiji (Episodes 77-78); later, he completely opens up about the pain of hiding his identity from Ran, and he even asks Heiji for advice (Episode 189). Heiji, similarly, isn't too afraid to reveal that he cares deeply for Shinichi to Shinichi's face. He easily conveys how haunted he was by a nightmare in which Shinichi dies, with minimal prompting, in Episode 118. In Episode 479, he also lays his insecurity bare in Shinichi's presence and asks if all the criticism and mockery he's received is warranted.

Canon gives us these crumbs. Fanon can take it so much further. Shinichi spilling out details of how scared he is to Heiji, trying desperately not to freak out or cry, all while Heiji tells him that he can cry when he feels like it, just as Shinichi told Ran when they were in preschool (Episode 854). Heiji actually working through his unhealthy tendency to make everything a competition with Shinichi's help and support.

I think the focus of my last Heishin post, about how the nasty attitude Conan gives Heiji on occasion stems from his resentment that he can't be Shinichi when they're together, also lends itself well to hurt/comfort fic. What if Heiji calls out Conan's cold behavior, and he doesn't act like it's a joke or a minor nuisance for once but really communicates that it hurts to be treated like that, and Shinichi reveals the truth? Or what if Shinichi has a moment of self-reflection and regrets his cruelty when Heiji winds up seriously injured or dead on his behalf?

If you throw in potential romantic feelings, other possibilities open up. It kills Shinichi that he can't hold Ran in his arms (FUNimation's English dub for Episode 42), that he can't tell her he loves her with his own voice (Episode 3), but he doesn't think Ran's aware of his predicament. With Ran, Conan can put on an act and lie and pretend like none of his romantic feelings for her exist, and maybe that provides relief.

But Heiji is well aware of Shinichi's predicament. There's no playing a completely separate, unrelated child with Heiji; Heiji's already broken the illusion, and there's no going back to it. When Shinichi's by Heiji's side, he's by someone whom he can be himself around, whom he can't be anything but himself around, and that's got to make the impossibility of a romantic relationship a pain that festers like an open sore. There's no putting a Band-Aid on this one. No separating himself from the situation. No covering up the sting with an invented personality.

Okay, maybe that's more hurt no comfort, but there is so much potential here, I swear! Heiji isn't just the goofy, silly comic relief guy with the Osaka accent, and his relationship with Shinichi deserves more serious exploration and treatment. I think there's especially a lot that could be done with Heiji's jealousy, and—in my eyes, anyway—it stinks that canon plays Heiji's obsession with one-upping Shinichi's confession to Ran as a joke rather than the sad, insecure thing that it comes off to me as.

They're going to be the death of me: I bought a movie guidebook for The Crimson Love Letter, the 21st Conan film, which I haven't even seen yet, purely because I liked the cover art (and included poster) showing Conan and Heiji being unabashedly happy together...

And I am so tempted to get this Heishin mug set...

And I'm looking to add some Treasured Selection Blu-rays to my largely DVD-comprised DetCo collection, and while I don't believe the Treasured Selection Blu-rays for traditionally animated episodes really increase the quality that much, I'm still thinking I'll get #5 because it has The Boys on the cover (and also includes one of my favorite cases, Episodes 277-278)...

And there's also that merch from Carddass...

If nothing else, these two might be the death of my wallet!

(It's maybe also worth noting that I mostly store my DVDs for this series in 6-DVD cases, so only a select few covers are actually displayed. I purposely ordered things in a way to display the majority of the Heiji-and-Conan covers—5 out of the 7 that I own. I'm love them.)

They,,, kimss,, holde handss,,,,: I used to be like, "I don't really ship them; I just like their relationship!" And got, "Sure, Jan" in response.

But heck with it—while it's never, ever my intention to undervalue platonic bonds, I do like romance, and I'm tired of being ashamed of it! Shinichi and Heiji should open up their own detective agency and also kiss and hold hands, yes.

Which can absolutely be platonic, too! I love them either way.

[nicoline1998enilocin]

Yours, Forever | Chapter 6

PAIRING | Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

WORD COUNT | 2.7K

SUMMARY | Eve and Y/N have spent the last two months in Italy living their best lives, and catching up after not seeing each other much during the last decade. Bucky planned a surprise for Y/N's birthday, and can't wait to see how she will react.

WARNING(S) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Swearing.

A/N | Hi everyone, thank you so much for reading my first ever fic! I would like to start off by saying that English isn’t my first language (I’m Dutch after all 😉) so every mistake you find – spelling or otherwise – is completely my own. I would appreciate you spreading the love about this fic, and I ofcourse hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

I recently celebrated my own birthday and that is when I came up with this idea, so I hope you will have fun celebrating as well 😉 I will be using my own birthday in the story, but you can always imagine your own!

Likes and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💜

Main Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist | Series Masterlist | Chapter 5 | Chapter 7

Y/N and Eve have been in Italy for 2 months now, and they went sightseeing, shopping, swimming, going out for dinner, just everything you could ever want to do without having a single car in the world. In a few days they would arrive in Pisa, the day before Y/N's birthday, and they were going to stay there for a week before finishing their trip on a campsite by the Garda lake in Italy. Y/N was under the impression they would just spend her birthday going to explore Pisa, grabbing lunch and dinner and finish with an evening of clubbing there, just like she said she wanted. Oh how wrong she was about that.

She had kind of forgotten about the surprise Bucky talked about in her journal, even though she wrote it in basically every day, which only worked in Bucky's favor. He had contacted Eve when they were in Italy, explaining that he had a surprise for her, saying he would love for the two of them and all the Avengers to meet up at the leaning tower of Pisa. They all had presents for her birthday ofcourse, but Bucky had especially chosen one that he knew would mean the world to hear, knowing how much she would love it after discussing it with Eve.

Soon, it was June 7th, the day Y/N would turn 27 years old. It started off easy enough, she could get ready in silence since Eve was still fast asleep in her own bed. She got up and took a shower, after which she got ready to do her make up, choosing a rainbow look on her eyes today for the special occasion, with her usual winged eyeliner, mascara and red lipstick. She wore a pastel yellow sun dress that went just past her knees, which she picked out a few weeks ago that had a deep neckline and thin straps, showing off every curve of her body. Underneath she was wearing a lacey set of white underwear that she picked up in Italy as well, giving her an extra boost of confidence today. She paired it with a pair of low top black Converse and did her hair up in space buns combined with braids. When she walked out of the bathroom, Eve had gotten up and managed to decorate the hotel room with some balloons, and put a small box on her bed, which would serve as a hint as to what they were doing later today.

''HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE! You're finally 27 now!'' Eve said while pulling Y/N in for a big hug, after which she would look at the outfit she was wearing and beaming with pride when she saw it. ''You look absolutely to die for! I'm still so jealous of that curvy body of yours, my fucking god!'' Eve said with a big smile. When she heard that, Y/N got a deep crimson color on her face, she wasn't used to being complemented on her body like that. ''Well, you should get ready, it's already close to noon and we have a lunch reservation, remember?!'' Y/N said when she sat down on her bed with a book, so she could read until Eve was done, but there never was a lunch reservation, only a group of Avengers waiting for them.

At 12.45 Eve got a text from Bucky that they were at the tower, ready with the presents to surprise Y/N, and he was very giddy about it. By now, all the Avengers knew about his crush on her, otherwise they wouldn't have come to surprise her, but they fully supported the two of them. Everyone could see how happy Bucky was in her presence, even though they aren't together yet. But hopefully today that would change, as he was planning to ask her to be his girlfriend. Eve and Y/N walked towards the tower, and Y/N was wearing her big sunglasses, so she wouldn't be that easy to recognize, not that she knew anyone there ofcourse.

They got closer and closer to the tower and Y/N was taking a few pictures with her camera like she has done the entire vacation, and then they arrived at the tower. She shot a few photo's of it, and when she went through them, she suddenly saw something in one of her photos that couldn't possibly be real. In one of the photo's, she saw the Avengers standing with a banner saying ''HAPPY 27TH BIRTHDAY Y/N'' on it, and she looked around until she saw them, her jaw dropped to the floor. Tears were forming in her eyes as she ran up to the group, who she missed so dearly these last few months she was gone. This was the best birthday surprise she could have wished for.

''OH MY GOD YOU GUYS, WHAT ARE ALL OF YOU DOING HERE?!'' Y/N practically screamed out at them, and she couldn't believe her eyes. Everyone was there - Bucky, Steve, Scott, Sam, Thor, Loki, Clint, Wanda, Natasha, Tony, Pepper, even Bruce had come along for the trip. She turned around to Eve who was filming the whole thing, and she said ''You knew about this, didn't you?!'' with a big smile while trying not to cry to preserve her make up. ''Ofcourse I did! Happy birthday babe!'' she said, and Y/N started giving everyone big hugs. Everyone wished her a happy birthday, and Scott, Sam, Clint, Thor, Loki and Bruce gave her a hug. Then she turned her attention to the girls, who she was happy to see after so many missed girls nights, they practically jumped up in the air in a triangle while screaming like little kids. Steve, Tony and Pepper gave her all the biggest hug they could, and Y/N couldn't resist touching Pepper's belly, she was around 6 months pregnant at this point. ''And, do we know what it is going to be yet?''

''Yeah, but you'll have to open your present later in order to find out! Right now, there is someone else waiting for your attention though, and he seems rather impatient.'' she said, gesturing towards Bucky. Y/N got flustered and quickly turned around, looking at him, the shorts and tight shirt he's wearing doing absolute wonders for his buff physique, and Y/N needs to make sure she doesn't melt into a puddle right then and there. ''Hi doll, happy birthday!'' he said and he picked her up and swung her around a couple times when they hugged. When he put her down, he softly whispered in her ear that he really wants to kiss her, if that's okay.

She put one hand on his face and the other around his waist, pulling him closer as she closed the gap between them to feel his soft, full lips on hers. The Avengers were all clapping and woo-ing at the sight, but neither of them cared in the slightest, they were just happy to be back in each others arms, to feel like home again there. This time, Y/N swiped her tongue over his bottom lip for access which he gladly gave, and their tongues connected for a beautiful dance where they could explore each others mouths forever. When they pulled away, Bucky put his forehead against hers. ''Doll, would you please do me the honors of making me the happiest guy in the world by becoming my girlfriend?'' he asked in a deep voice, and all she could do was nod, before feeling his lips crash against hers again.

''Okay guys, it's enough now! There's plenty of time to kiss later!'' Tony said, and they reluctantly pulled away from each other, smiling with the biggest, goofiest smiles on their faces. She turned around to Eve, who was still filming, and waved her over to come meet everyone. She stopped the recording and first ran up to Y/N and Bucky, to congratulate the two of them, she obviously had to meet the guy who made her best friend so happy first. ''Hi, it's nice to meet you, I'm Eve!'' she said while shaking Bucky's hand, who pulled her hand to his lips to give a soft kiss. ''Hi, I'm James but you may call me Bucky.'' he said and Eve almost melted into a puddle right there. ''Damn girl, you're one lucky bitch!'' Eve said to Y/N.

After that, she introduced herself to everyone, and was very happy to meet the famous Tony Stark. ''I have heard a lot about you Tony, all good things ofcourse!'' she said. ''I'm glad to know she has someone to fall back on when I'm not always there for her due to the distance,'' she said with a wink and congratulated Pepper and Tony on their pregnancy. ''Okay, time for lunch now!'' Tony said, and they went to a small pasta restaurant, where everyone enjoyed the best pasta they had even eaten. When the pasta was gone it was time to open presents.

Sam, Clint, Bruce, Thor, Loki and Scott all gave her different books that had been on her wishlist forever, and each time she opened one she gasped again, not believing what she saw. When it was Steve's turn, he got a pretty big box, and gave it to her with a kiss on her cheek, wishing her a happy birthday again. When she unwrapped it, she couldn't believe her eyes. Steve just gave her the special house edition of the Harry Potter books, specifically the Hufflepuff version. ''NO. FUCKING. WAY.'' Y/N exclaimed and immediately got up from her chair to give Steve a big hug and endless kisses on his face as a huge thank you. Wanda and Nat both gave a box that had a voucher for a girls trip of her choice, so all three of them could get away for a weekend when they needed it, which she gladly accepted, already thinking of everywhere they could go.

Next up was Eve, knowing Bucky wanted to go last because he had a very special present for her. Eve got out a small box, in which she put a voucher to get a best friend tattoo with her, once she would visit the Netherlands again. Eve already had quite the array of tattoo's all over her body, but this one would be extra special since they would get the same one. ''The next time you're gonna visit me at home, we will get matching tattoo's, so we can always be close to each other, even when you're on the other side of the world.'' Eve said and she started to cry, which led to Y/N crying too. She quickly wiped the tears away when it was time for Bucky's gift.

''Doll, at first I wasn't sure what to get you, because you deserve everything in this world and more, but then I remembered something. I know how much it sucks to not be able to celebrate your birthday with the person you want there the most, but when you open this present, you know she will always be close to you.'' Bucky said. He gave her a box from Tiffany & Co. with a beautiful white ribbon around it, and when she opened it, she saw a small silver necklace with her mom's name engraved in a small round hanger on it. ''I know you miss her so much on days like this, but this way you will always have her close to your heart.'' he said, and he put it around her neck. Y/N slid her fingers over the small hanger that said 'Lily', and she had tears streaming down her face again. ''Bucky, I can't tell you how much this means to me. Thank you so so much.'' she said in a soft voice.

She placed her lips on his again for a soft, tender kiss in which she poured all the love she felt for him, and all the thanks she couldn't get out of her mouth. She was eternally grateful for him, and she was so happy she could finally call him her boyfriend. ''You just made me the happiest woman in the world, Bucky.'' she said when she let the hanger go for now and sat in his lap for a sweet embrace. Tony cleared his throat, and said she still had one more gift to open, the one from Tony and Pepper. ''Does everyone know already, or are we all going to find out today?'' Y/N asked, and they confirmed everyone would find out right now.

Pepper handed her a big rectangular box, with blue and pink wrapping paper around it, which was very fitting for the occasion. When she took it off, she saw a t-shirt that said 'Godmother to the best goddaughter in the world' in pink letters. ''You're... you.. you're having a.. a girl?'' Y/N could barely say, and they both nodded yes with proud looks on their faces. ''She's gonna be the most perfect little girl this world has ever seen, I just know it!'' she said and everyone started to congratulate Tony and Pepper. Y/N was happy that the attention wasn't on her for a little bit, and she excused herself to Eve so she could go outside for a minute and catch her breath.

When she got up, Bucky went after her, wondering if everything was okay. ''Doll, are you okay?'' he asked when he walked out the door after her, seeing her outside with a lit cigarette in her hand. ''I'm sorry Bucky, it's just all so overwhelming today. It is the best birthday I have had in years, but it is all becoming too much so I had to step outside and smoke. I haven't smoked in years, but it was getting too much and I needed some distraction.'' she explained. ''I understand, and it's okay. I'm glad you're telling me this, it means a lot. Do you want me to stay here, or shall I go back inside?'' he asked. ''I would love for you to stay, if you don't mind. I could use some more cuddles now,'' and so they stood outside for a while in silence, just enjoying each others presence.

The rest of the week that the Avengers were there, they decided to go to the Garda Lake earlier so they could all go together and stay there until they had to go back. When they were there they enjoyed each others company, went swimming a lot, played lots of games, drank a lot of alcohol and shared lots and lots of embarrassing stories. By the time they had to go back, Y/N didn't want to let Bucky go, but she knew it would only be 2 more weeks until they got to see each other again. ''I know doll, but Eve hasn't seen you in forever, so you should enjoy those last 2 weeks with her. I absolutely enjoyed getting to know her, getting to know the girl behind all your childhood stories, and I can tell you have so much love for each other. Go enjoy those last two weeks with her, and I will pick you up at the airport when you're back in New York, allright?'' he said before kissing her goodbye one last time and walking onto the Quinjet.

Both Y/N and Eve waved goodbye to everyone, and kept waving until they were out of sight. ''You are so lucky to have found your family in New York, babe. I knew you would ofcourse, but they are the best kind you could ever wish for, they all care about you so much and it shows! Although I do have to say I'm a little jealous they already took most of your stuff with them, so you only have 2 suitcases left, lucky.'' she laughed. ''I love you babe, and I'm glad I got the chance to spend these 3 months with you.'' Eve said. ''I love you more.'' Y/N quickly said back.

''Speaking of love, is Steve seeing anyone maybe?'' Eve said with a twinkle in her eye. ''I hate to break it to you, but he isn't into girls. He has a lovely boyfriend at home in New York, sorry babe.'' Y/N laughed, thinking back to when she thought Bucky was Steve's boyfriend, but she's incredibly happy he's here boyfriend. She touched the necklace Bucky gave again and thought about him, and they went back to the campsite to enjoy the last 2 weeks of their trip together.

[wine4thewin]

Hello from ao3, I just finished the dungeon master pt 1 and oh my goodness 😭😭😭 I'm in absolute shambles and I'm so fucking thankful that there's a part two and that's probably gonna wreck me even more tbh. I've been reading your works for a while and I love them all so much, your writing is incredible!! I've just started writing fic myself and you are certainly a huge inspiration to me, like I'm in awe of everything you put out. I have the deepest fucking thramsay brainrot and even though I'm in a tumblr/ao3 echo chamber I know that it's extremely unpopular so I'm even more greatful to everyone who makes content about them, especially the longer works that explore their dynamic. Anyways lemme stop rambling, thank you so much and I can't wait to read Phantom!!!

Awww, thank you for your very sweet words! 😄I’m glad you’ve enjoyed my writing and am super flattered to be an inspiration! I’ve been writing for over two decades, so I can definitely say that every year you work at writing, the more you learn and the more you find your own style / voice! I look at things I wrote ten years ago and scream “cast it into the fire! destroy it!” simply because my style has changed so drastically. Everything you write is a lesson learned, even if you finish it or not!

As for thramsay, I remember when the tag was totally empty on ao3 🤣 it was deeply unpopular (for good reason, yes) but I was always drawn to the terrifying psychological aspects of the characters. Even in fiction that I read, I tend to be drawn to books with darker themes and painful psychological implications. I like to be emotionally challenged when I read, so I like to incorporate that in what I write as well. I prefer to work with challenging characters Ramsay is certainly a dark, raw AF character and should never be taken lightly IMO.

[onwriting-hrarby]

A goodbye from fandom.

I said this on Twitter, but I am not going to write for the eremika fandom again. Trigger warnings about harassment, pedophilia and more, to come.

Back on April, 2022, out of the blue a big account of the fandom (they had 4k followers; I had barely 150) “outed” me as what they called “a proshipper”. They were blaming writers in the fandom who wrote EM having sex underage, telling them pedophiles. I had not written anything of the sort, but they still felt entitled to label me as such because I read fics of Levi/Mikasa. I had been in fandoms for longer than they had been born, probably, so I was baffled that this was a problem: Because, at the end of the day, proshipper or not, I was reading stories of fictional characters. But if we take a moment to consider that the difference between fiction and reality doesn’t exist, it still baffled me, because I had never written anything underage, nor Rivamika: No, I was a pedophile because I was reading it.

This lack of media-literacy surprised me to the point of beginning to study more about it. I read this article by Viet Thanh Nguyen which said that books in USA libraries are getting cancelled because of “racism” or “homophobia”, books that were written decades ago. You should read the article, but it fully comprises my view that we need to create a critical mass, and we won’t create it if we ban those types of readings. But even if we do read it: does it mean that we share the same morals as the story? Does it even mean that the writer shares the same morals as the story they are writing?

After the tweet, I was being massively unfollowed on Twitter, blocked. Some mutuals even responded to that tweet, saying “Blocking her now”. I tried to argue with that person that I was not reading a fic in which Levi and Mikasa were related, nor underage: they didn’t even debated with me, they insulted me. I blocked them. I got an ask on Tumblr asking what had happened, and I explained my POV. They went to my Tumblr (somehow they found me), screenshot it and shared in their Twitter for everyone to see.

I had an anxiety attack, and for some days, I was deciding whether to end RJ at (just) chapter 2. Because I loved the story I was creating, I decided to pull through. When I came back on Twitter after a month out, nobody remembered me: it was like I had never done anything, I gained the same followers that once unfollowed me. I was… There, again. But I was not the same, in real life: I didn’t know what to share, how to share it. I was afraid of bookmarking something on AO3. Tumblr felt safer, so I went there (thank god). I didn’t know how to answer when people commented, about this fic, pearls such as I was an homophobic, a racist, Grisha was out of character and I was a devil to write Grisha that way. I didn’t find these comments like well-written debate in my inbox: I found it as tweets, without quoting me, of course. I began to wonder whether I was a good writer, until I decided that maybe it wasn’t the right audience to begin with. So, saddened, I wrapped my mind about stopping writing for the Eremika fandom (because, yes, it is the eremika fandom) after Rotten Judgement was finished.

Since then, I have been harassed in my inbox during months. First, for writing Erejeankasa. Comments and comments everyday, telling me that I’m a horrible writer, that I’m boring, that what I do is garbage. Then, spamming hate all over my fics, again, saying that I’m a pedophilic and garbage myself (to their credit, I have now written a Levi/Mikasa fic, in which they are actors and over 30, but alright). The thing is that this is not only a matter of myself.

Lots of my friends and colleagues here have been harassed constantly over what they write. The haters compare them to other well-known writers in the fandom: they advocate for the “purity” of Mikasa (but have no problem in Eren being a manwhore), for the “purity” of the fandom, for “only writing Eremika”. If you don’t, you’re just a “false fan”. They have their fights and sides, but let me tell you: probably one 1% of people will find a teenager attractive after reading a fic, but probably more than 80% of harassed people over the internet will feel bad, triggered and anxious about it.

I know this is (mostly) a Twitter thing: I know we’re prompted to have discourse, to argue our views, to fight for our canon couples or not… in fictional characters. This is the cursive I want to throw in here: that in being so “woke” and fighting for the “injustice” in your little bubble, you’re really not being better than an alt-right defending their stance with yelling and hating. In being so woke, you really act and think like a fascist. Because, in the end, there is a true anti-intellectual belief in the fandom: you are not to put your own views on things that are set. Do not make us think more than the original work. And for now, intellectualism (in Mill’s sense of reflection, and understanding of others, of putting yourself in others' shoes) is the true root of democracy. And the EM fandom is anything but democratic. It reeks of a one distinctive trait of oligarchy, said by Socrates: "one assumes the status of a highest good".

But, in my mind, doing good would not only mean asking the readers to defend their authors; it would mean stopping authors from blasting harmful or harassing opinions on other authors (sometimes, smaller authors than themselves); it would mean that they would understand that while someone can feel triggered by some views, anyone is free to express and write about whatever they want, as long as they, as humans, don’t fight for wrongness; that the moral in fiction doesn’t equal the moral in the author and vice versa. It’s not only to answer hateful tweets towards creators: it’s to pinpoint the tweets of that mutual you always see bashing on other ships or tweets out of the blue, just for fun, or because they really think they will make a change.

It is to signal that we, as a society, are being deactivated at our response in true, real-life problems, thanks to the arguments in social media. That while we can all share and spread help when something big happens, and social media gives us the means to spread awareness, throwing hate to authors who’ve written fictional stories about fictional characters and that you don’t like it doesn’t equal justice, but cyberbullying.

However, I will not be here to fight for it. Differently to the majority of the people who has not uttered a single constructive criticism to my fics, but have found the time to comment, put up bashful tweets (without mentioning me) and without reading the story, I do have a life outside the internet. I have beautiful friends, family, and writing—because I will never, ever not write—to which I want to dedicate my energy. If you care about this fandom, stop spreading hate and negativity of all kind. Remember that you can think you fight for freedom and justice, and end up being a Jaegerist.

I still have an EM oneshot I was writing, but I lost motivation to. I don’t know if I’ll ever keep on writing it, but if I do, you will most likely find it in here. As for Rotten Judgement and I did not live until today, you will still find them here. As for Instead, they said: it is hidden, as it has been for some months, because I want to turn it into an original story. Whether you’ll find it reuploaded in some months, who can’t stay. I am happy to delve into other ships and fandoms for now. Writing two years in these conditions has completely drained me. I urge you to think of all the creators whose works you cannot find anymore, whose Twitter and media got deleted, who put up letters of goodbye to the fandom, and rather than crying about this loss, I urge you to protect the writers we still have. I will keep reading the stories I enjoy, so this is not totally goodbye.

For now, relieved that I’ve finished but angry that this is how I’ve finished, always yours,

Hera.

[kingedmundsroyalmurder]

Tagged by @batrachised. Thank you!

1-How many works do you have on AO3?

102. We will not discuss the number of fics posted on the ff.net account I maintained in high school.

2-What's your total AO3 word count?

298,956. Lower than I would have expected, actually. My longfic days were primarily, again, in high school, so on AO3 it's mostly shorter one-shots.

3-What fandoms do you write for?

Currently on a Blue Castle kick. Previously my main fandom was Les Mis, mostly bookverse, and prior to that I spent a decade or so as a Harry Potter girl. I have dabbled in other things, but none of them deeply enough for me to consider them actual fandoms that I am in.

4-What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

In the darkest time of year -- Hadestown, post-canon. I believe this is also the fic with the most notes on tumblr.

The Black Sheep and the Mad Muggleborn: a love story -- HP, post-canon. I really liked writing this one and, like all my HP work, now have deeply conflicted feelings about it.

And I could be enough -- Power Rangers 2017, character study. I only wrote 2 fics for this movie and I adore them both so much.

Stormforged -- ASOIAF, alternate ending. This was written for Femslash February and represents the sum total amount of time I have spent thinking about ASOIAF since reading the first four books in a week during standardized testing week back in high school.

We rose with voices ringing -- HP, alternate post-canon. Can you tell I default to song lyric titles a lot and also enjoy musicals?

5-Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I am trying to be better about this! For a long time I didn't because I hated everything I wrote the moment I published it and the only way I could publish at all was to throw a fic out the door and never think of it again.

6-What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

You know, I'm not sure. I haven't done full on angst in a long time. Probably either Waiting for sunrise (LM) or With nothing to remember (also LM). Honorable mention goes to Real in its consequences (still LM) which exists solely to take a ridiculous premise seriously.

7-What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

It's new and still my beautiful child, so this one goes to Ties That Bind, Bonds That Strengthen (TBC).

Oh! Honorable mention to The title of citizen (LM Animates-verse). It's... it just has to be read to be understood, tbh.

8-Do you get hate on fics?

Not since the old aforementioned high school era ffn account, where I once got flamed for writing het. Ah, the good old days. (It wasn't even endgame het, lol.)

9-Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Nope. I've played with some fade to black and a couple, like, sensuous bed scenes, but I find it boring to read so I don't write it.

10-Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have come to love crossovers, honestly. I like putting characters into Situations. Can't think of any particularly crazy ones though.

11-Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I've ever found or been told about, although realistically with how much I've written and how long I've been doing it I'm sure there are some out there.

12-Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, but I can't off the top of my head remember which ones, unfortunately.

13-Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No. I am a dreadful co-writer. I will, however, build a world with you at the drop of a hat. Shout out to @steelplatedhearts for the PoTC mermaid worldbuilding we did years and years ago that I still think about fondly.

14-What's your all-time favourite ship?

It varies. Right now unfortunately it's the two leads from the Forbidden Hugs story, which is unfinished original fiction. Fandom wise, I still like me some Logic and Philosophy.

15-What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Anything started earlier than this year, unfortunately.

16-What are your writing strengths?

I like to think I have gotten decent at having an entertaining narrative voice without it being too distracting.

17-What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot? What plot? Plot is when people sit in rooms and have conversations about their feelings, right? What do you mean Events must occur? I'm calling my manager, this doesn't sound right at all.

18-Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Mostly feels needlessly pretentious, honestly. I don't know if I've ever really even considered it.

19-First fandom you wrote for?

HP, starting at age, oh, 14 or so.

20-Favorite fic you've ever written?

Again, Ties That Bind is still my beloved child, but I have a huge soft spot for both Power Rangers (2017) fics. Oh, and underdog fav status to Never go anywhere, never see anyone, the nichest of niche crossovers where Mary Bolkonskaya befriends doesn't-even-get-a-canonical-first-name Aunt Gillenormand.

Tagging @lemeute, @manyswarmsofbees, @amarguerite, @ohhgingersnaps

[oceangirl24]

15, 38 and 48 for the asks!

Hi! Thanks so much for the asks!

15. What’s your favorite AU that you’ve written?

Ooo, I haven't written an AU in ages. Years ago, when I was big into the seaQuest, I despised the direction the show took in the second season and came up an AU for it. The first attempt was... not good. lol I did start a rewrite a few years later but unfortunately, I never finished it (although I still have the handwritten notes for it). Do I remember a lot of details? Nope! But it's still up on FFN.

38. Did any of your fics get surprisingly popular (whatever that means to you)? Which ones? Why do you think they were so successful?

Warning: Long response, may veer off-topic slightly 😆

This is an interesting question. Honestly until I joined AO3 in 2021, I never thought about popularity or stats. I really didn't know it was thing. I was always on FFN so maybe that's why.

Based on stats across the board on the three sites I post on, it's easily Autumn in Philadelphia.

When I began AiP in 2002, it was one of a kind. No one else wrote Jonathan Turner as a central character and, to my knowledge, Audrey was the first published OC love interest for him. The popularity of the story back then surprised me as it was the era where OCs were heavily criticized and almost every one was labeled a dreaded Mary Sue. I still tear up over those OG comments wanting J and A together, some a decade plus after the last chapter was posted.

Coming back after 19 years away, the BMW fanfiction scene is very different. There are a ton of Jon & Shawn fics now, although I'm not sure how many are Jon-centric. Once I crossed over to AO3 and saw popularity was a thing I noticed that readers seemed to want extremely specific tropes handled in very certain ways for Jon and Shawn in order to bring in the kudos and comments, especially. Since I go in a very different direction with these tropes and have a very different story to tell, I knew I was fighting a losing battle but trying to get out of stats chasing mode was so hard.

Side note: When I started to write again on FFN I contacted everyone who supported me on the story back then, knowing they were likely out of the fandom and their accounts inactive. I just said thank you so much for commenting back then and it was rereading those comments that brought back me back to this story. The response was surprising because I didn't expect to hear anything. Some people responded right away with excitement. Some I heard from months later saying they never check FFN anymore but when they saw who the PM was from, they had to respond. Many said they would be reading. One person said AiP was the first fanfic they ever read and how much they loved it. Audrey was remembered fondly. Someone remembered the RPG I had forgotten about. How cool?

Now when I look at stats, I tend to focus more on FFN due to the detail of their stats and every month I have 5-10 people going through the whole story. Which floors me as it is not a short read. It is a complicated story.

Somehow, it's even closing in on 3K on WattPad which amazes me. BMW is largely Reader X or SI. (Are those the right terms? lol).

Maybe popular isn't the right word here. Longevity. I'm really surprised by AiP's longetivity.

Why? The level of detail maybe. Character development? How different it is? No clue.

48. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

In a previous answer, the last read was Darlin' by @mrsmungus. Just before that, I read (am reading) Aftermath by  MantaI305ApollosChariot. I dropped off on the MCU movies a while ago, but I really love her Wanda-centric fix-it story. She's amazing at filling me in on canon and what her changes are and why. Very enjoyable to read.

[sga-owns-my-soul]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thanks @wonkyelk and @esteefee for the tag!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

21 currently!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

27805! which is insane to me

3. What fandoms do you write for?

stargate atlantis 🥰

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Rodney McKay Has Worth (and not just for his brain) and Not Dating, but More Than Friends

Names Have Power

The Scientist and The Soldier

Expressions of Love and Trust

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i try to! i don't always see comments but i definitely try to respond, even it's just to say thanks for commenting i'm glad you enjoyed it! it means a lot to me when people take time out of their day to not only read my fics, but to also leave a comment. i always appreciate it!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

for posted fics, probably Bludgeoned, it's very angsty and ends with an vague insinuation that rodney may or may not survive his latest off-world incident. for fics in general it's definitely my Bad Timeline au wip where nothing happy happens

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Ronon Gets Mad at Sheppard, i think. i've got a lot of fics with a happy ending but i'm really proud of this one and how it turned out. it was a bit of a challenge bc i don't write ronon very often but it was really fun to get into his character and i'm happy with how things got wrapped up in that one, i think it's a very cute fic

8. Do you get hate on fics?

thankfully, no!

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yesss i love writing smut 🙏🏼 im honestly surprised at how little smut i have on my ao3 honestly, i don't think i even have a kink fic posted which is my favourite kind of smut to write. i should fix that 🤔 (feel free to send me ideas!!)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i have written exactly one crossover in my life, i posted it unfinished on wattpad like a decade ago and it was a bones/one direction crossover where the boys got kidnapped by the gravedigger. i think i wrote like 4 chapters total before i abandoned it 😅

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of, and i really hope i never do. i have no issues with people sharing my fics but please don't claim it as your own!!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

not that i know of, but i would be so honoured if someone did!!!

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

i'm currently co-writing A Big Project with @the-mushroom-faerie but shhh it's a secret no spoilers

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

this will come as no surprise to anyone but it's mcshep 🥰🥰

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

so i had this idea for a fic about radek visiting rodney everytime he's in the infirmary, and it starts off with like a "hey can you sign off on these things cool thanks bye" but then after the storm he visits him and sees his arm and it progresses to radek getting very sad and stressed every time rodney gets hurt so he visits him in the infirmary. i've written a few scenes for it but it's such a big project that i doubt i'll ever finish it

16. What are your writing strengths?

i'm very very good at writing angst and sadness, probably bc i am a void of angst and sadness 😂

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

endings i'm so bad at endings i can't write endings for SHIT i feel like most of my endings suck lmao i also cannot do technobabble i'm not smart 😂

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i only speak my bastard native language so i have to rely on other people or google translate so i very rarely do it, but i think it's so cool when other writers can do it!!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

uhhhh i don't remember if it was one direction or dan and phil that i first ever wrote for, i wrote for both of them right around the same time

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

i really love all the fics i've written, both published and unpublished, but i think my absolute favourite fic i've written was this ficlet i posted here for a kiss prompt between ronon and jennifer (i just think it's so adorable and i love them and the little team dynamic/interaction is so sweet it's just so cute okay i love it)

Tags: @the-mushroom-faerie @spurious @frostysfrenzy @colonelshepparrrrd @frankthesnek and anyone else who wants to!!!

[sirenicc]

7, 17, 27?

Hello Hafsa! Thanks for the ask! 😊

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

This is always a difficult question for me, because I'm so critical of my writing and have a hard time letting go of things and letting myself stop editing and tweaking. So I will throw out a disclaimer that this is still a first draft, and give you this snippet from a (not yet published) piece about Remus receiving anonymous love letters.

Remus, I used to believe that the big moments in our lives would be visible, measurable, that it would draw a clear line in the sand between your life then and your life now. But now I think that maybe the big moments are even bigger than I ever thought, so big that you can hardly see them, like the curve of the earth. Because there was never a line in the sand, never a giant sign pointing me onward saying “Here. Him. This is it.” This moment, this change, it came upon me like a sunrise, where you’re sitting in the dark and the cold and you’re comfortable — as comfortable as you’ve ever been, at least. And then you look around and it’s light out, and you feel so warm, and you think “when did this happen?” And it’s baffling, because you were sitting there, watching it happen, and somehow it still snuck up on you. And you try to remember that moment when dark gave way to light, but you can’t, because it doesn’t exist. Because there is no before and there is no after, there’s only ever during. The sun was always there, ready to weave itself into the day, because that’s how the sun works. And so, I believe, does love. I love you. You deserve to know as much.

This fic started when I wrote a bunch of love letters all in one sitting and began building a story around them. So they aren't very polished, and they get stream-of-conscious-y sometimes when it's maybe better that they don't. But, I like them because of that. It doesn't feel constructed to me.

Those are my favorite moments to read in other peoples' writing, where the structure and pacing and syntax and all that other stuff, as well done as it is, falls away, and it's just you and the emotion behind the words, the absolute heart of the story.

I don't know if that makes sense, and maybe I fall completely short of the mark here. But that's what really stands out to me.

17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

Out of order. It's terrible, I jump all over the place with no rhyme or reason. I jump between wips, too. A few sentences here, a paragraph there. Wherever my brain wanders, so do my fingers.

27. How do you feel about collaborations?

I used to rp on tumblr, a decade ago now, which is collaborative writing in a way. I really enjoyed it but it's not something I would ever do again. But other than that I've never collaborated or co-written with anybody. I'm open to it, though! So maybe one day.

Send me a number!