#i feel ill and these aren't even my feelings

[acid-ixx]

(masterlist &. synopsis) gn! chronically ill reader with a platonic! yandere batfam who accepts their pampering

reblogs and interactions are encouraged and appreciated.

a/n: sorry for the on and off hiatus ^^ i am very much invested in dc and altho i have only read a few comics, i try to be very close to canon with this one. this was written with POTS in mind but the illness is vague for the purpose of inclusivity !! requests will be open soon enough once i fix my account up and add request rules. keep in mind, the reason why i would be posting separate headcanons is because i plan for each of them to be longer than usual.

just imagine life with platonic! yandere batfam after their initial kidnapping. they've abducted you after a few months of stalking, gathering every bit of information about you from either the long or short times you've talked to them, or from watching you from afar at your most vulnerable state inside your very much hidden-camera-free apartment (lies. they have cameras implanted in every crevice of your room and even tampered with security cameras in the entire building just to ensure ultimate surveillance for you!)— it may be illegal, sure, no kidding it is, but they promise it's for your safety (and well-being) and nothing else! (other than the fact that they needed to know everything about you to guarantee your permanent stay with them would be stress-free and enjoyable not only in their eyes but yours too, especially since you require more needs than the average person but, ah! you just perfectly captured the attention of the most capable people who would bend the rules of the universe just for you.

everything was very much an elaborate scheme to get you to easily submit to their whims without a single fibre of fight in your bones. they have your entire room set up; ones with the comfiest sheets, a room where fresh, unpolluted air is accessible through baby-proofed windows— and you can even keep your (hacked) phone to call them whenever you need something. really, you have everything you need! all you have to do is accept their proposal... though, they wouldn't mind being patient either way.

what they didn't know was that they didn't even need to go through so much effort to keep you from escaping. hell, it's like the moment your eyes blink the tiredness away, and your brain registers the entirely new (and bigger) space you were in, it's like you merely accepted your fate.

you're creepily greeted with almost the exact same copy of your room, except the blanket you know and love with the same color, same design, same smell doesn't feel, or much less have the same texture as your previous blanket. in fact the fabric is way more high quality, the texture doesn't overstimulate you as much as the sheets you were used to back at home. the lights aren't as bright, in fact it was a welcoming shade that blends in well with the natural light that floods through the windows— windows that welcome in the faintest scent of floral growth, fresh and unlike the polluted air of gotham that you were never accustomed to.

before you could even force your body to sit up, joints a tad bit heavier and your mind cloudier than before, a soft knock disrupts your train of thought. the door opens and you are greeted with a butler and... even stranger, bruce wayne with his other children in tow.

[coffeedrinkee]

How the Wind Breaker boys act when they've got a cold

ft. Sakura Haruka, Umemiya Hajime, and Kaji Ren

cw: none

notes: slapped down some HCs for three of my fave boys while half asleep and on lunch break so pardon any mistakes

Sakura

"i can take care of myself, like i always have, so get out!"

he's scared any sickness is perceived as weakness

and no one has ever cared for him ever, regardless of whether he was sick or injured, so you trying to take care of him in any capacity is so confusing

like, is this what normally happens when someone is sick? other people...help them??

softly complains when you do things for him, like making him food or making sure he always has water on hand, but he never seriously tries to stop you

he likes these new, warm feelings he gets when you're around, and it's when he's sick he realizes that he doesn't think he can live without you anymore

will probably do his best to return the favor when you get sick next - he's clumsy at taking care of others, but he wants to do his best for you

Umemiya

big baby, of course

just a huge sookie baby

wants to be babied by you so much

everything is terrible when you aren't around when he's not feeling well

which means everything is terrible for the people around him

he can't get comfortable, his food never tastes right, he aches all over, and he always feels too hot or too cold

but if you are there with him, he feels so much better, even if all you're doing is sitting with him on the couch, running your fingers through his hair, holding him

if he so much as makes a passing comment about his throat feeling a bit sore, you bet Hiragi is finding you ASAP because there's no WAY he is dealing with a sick Umemiya

Kaji

when you aren't around, he's even easier to piss off

HATES not feeling like himself, whether that be with the monster inside of him or when he's wiped out from an illness

basically like a guard dog in pain, lashing out at anyone that gets too close

everyone around him can FUCK OFF

but with you, he's totally docile

your hand feels so nice and cool on his feverish skin

you know what he needs without him having to say it

will probably make a fuss (groan, sigh) if you get him up for a bath or shoo him out of bed so you can change the sheets, but makes no move to actually stop you from doing it

secretly loves you doting on him when he's vulnerable like this (though probably not as secretly as he thinks considering he'll be clingier than usual)

[jasperxkuromi]

Play ideas for chronically ill, disabled, or otherwise bed bound/low energy littles

Hi all! I am chronically ill. I am not comfortable sharing my specific diagnosis, but I am more than okay with talking about disability in general. Everything below is based on my own personal experiences and activities I like to do while stuck in bed. Everyone's body and experiences are different. I may list some things that just aren't an option for you, and that's okay. You are more than welcome to add on to this post with activities you do too!

🐛 Open the curtains and cloud watch! I like to look for clouds that remind me of animals or characters and day dream a story about them. If the weather is nice, consider opening your window a little bit and letting some fresh air into your room.

🐦 Bird watch! I have a bird feeder outside my window that I painted myself from a kid's kit. There are also bird feeders that have suction cups that can be stuck right on your window. You can also make your own seed ornaments. You could pick yourself up a kids book or two on learning to identify birds.

🌷 Get a window planter. You may need someone's help to set one up, but once they are in place they are fairly easy to care for. I like pansies and marigolds because they remind me of childhood, and they are low maintenance and do well in containers.

📖 Audiobooks are great for middles who want to read chapter books. If you have a library card you can borrow tons of audiobook, ebooks, and comics through hoopla and Libby for free. There are some audiobooks for younger kiddo books, but honestly I think YouTube is better for that.

🖼️ Scrapbooks and journals! Being penpals with another little is also an option, but I do recommend using basic internet safety and common sense. (I don't think you should do this if you are under 18). You could always scan/take pictures of your letter and send it digitally to your penpal instead.

🛏️ If you spend a lot of time in bed, and have the money to do so, I really recommend getting items to make your time in bed more comfortable. Extra pillows, or even a reading pillow can be helpful. Lap desks or bed tables can give you space to color or set up play scenes with small toys.

🌟 You can also decorate the area around your bed to make it more child like! Fairy lights, glow in the dark stars, bed canopies, posters, and the like.

🪑 I have a floor chair I use for times I am playing outside of my bed. Being close to the floor helps me feel small, but not having back support hurts after a short while. I have an adjustable one that I can lay flat on the floor as a sleeping mat. Very helpful for the times when I need a quick nap after playtime.

🎨 Check the seasonal and kids sections at dollar stores and Five Below. I usually find fun craft kits that can keep me occupied for a bit for really cheap.

🧶 Do your own crafts! I like the knit and crochet. Some people can do them in bed, but I find it difficult to find a comfortable way to do that. However making friendship bracelets in bed works out pretty well. They make great gifts, even for non little friends. Or you could make matching ones for you and your CG or favorite plushie!

🪀 Make your own sensory bin! You can find tons of tutorials and ideas online. Bonus is you can get most of the items you would use at the dollar store. There are tons of other DIY sensory toys you can make as well if you look around. Glitter/shaker bottles are pretty popular too.

🐇 Cuddle with your stuffed animals. Tell them stories. Play pretend. Read to them. They will appreciate all of it.

🎮 If you have an old 3DS stuffed away in a drawer somewhere, pull it back out. 3DS are fairly easy to install homebrew and there are toooons of kiddo friendly games you could get (check 3ds.hacks.guide for this, do not follow tutorials on YouTube or random websites as they very well could be outdated)

💊 Decorate your medicine organizers with stickers. If you use mobility aids you can decorate them as well! Fake flowers are great for decorating mobility aids and there are tons of ideas you can find online.

🍼 I have stomach problems that makes it hard for me to eat enough. I often drink Ensure to make sure I am getting enough calories/nutrients. I get the strawberry flavor and sometimes put it in my sippy cup and pretend it is strawberry milk 😋

😴 If you need rest, rest! You deserve to get as much sleep as your body needs. Babies and toddlers take naps all the time! Trying to just exist with chronic health issues is difficult enough. You don't need to push yourself.

[rowretro]

𝕄𝔼𝕋𝔸𝕃 𝕄𝔼𝔼𝕋𝕊 𝕃𝕆𝕍𝔼

✧taglist✧: @baevsxii @nikisdubblchococake @lilyofhoon @cakuqe @lvyelleee @caithefly @manooffline @rishki

✧warnings: Yandere themes, toxic themes, unhealthy love, mentions of blood, manipulation(?), shirtless-ish riki

♡synopsis: Nishimura Riki. The Robot created by Yang Jungwon himself, a robot that is insanely human like, inside and out. No one could tell he was a robot. However, the Robot had possessed demonly powers, from Satan himself. So I guess you could see it's a half robot. Yang y/n, the younger sister of Jungwon finds herself stuck to this robot 24/7 no matter what she tried, he will always be by her because she's his muse, his world, his love, his obsession.

(PART 6)

✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧

"NO! YOU AREN'T COMING WITH ME WEARING THAT.... WE'RE GOING TO A GODDAMN SCHOOL RIKI WEAR NORMAL PEOPLE CLOTHES." Y/n yelled as the robot stared ahead coldly, dressed in an expensive suit, one'd think he were a rich CEO, but the sunglasses and the way he stands beside y/n makes him look like a bodyguard. "I'm simply dressed for the occasion sweetheart. My job is simply to protect you not to sit in a lesson I don't need to learn things I already know." Riki said as the girl sighed

"Don't call me sweetheart that's creepy... plus I don't need protecting, I'm only going to school." Y/n reasoned as Jungwon blinked. "Yeah but you do remember. that, from that exact school, one of the so-called students tried to kill you right?" Jungwon asked as he got ready for work "Oh yeah, yeah, but you do remember that, that exact student got his head popped off his body by this so-called body guard-" Y/n added as the male sighed. "Well you returned unharmed right? and there's a gang on the street that are too high out of their minds to even remember the exact crimes they committed-" Jungwon added as the girl frowned at him

Y/n fiddled nervously with the hem of her skirt as the robot drove them to school. "Can you at least keep your hands on the steering wheel?..." she asked as the robot continued driving, not even turning to face her "I don't need to." he coldly said as y/n blinked. Eventually, the drive came to an end as Riki pulled up into the car school's car park. "NI-KI bo- I-I mean Riki... you seriously don't need to come in with me..." Y/n said one last time, the robot just left the vehicle, and opened the car door for her.

Upon arriving at school, students had already started chattering amongst themselves, gossiping as they saw this handsome, stunning, tall man walk beside y/n, her hand in his. Something about his aura was both alluring yet unsettling. Yet it didnt stop the girls from twirling their hair and checking him out, they needed to shoot their shot.

Upon arriving in class, the robot stood beside her, hands by his sides sunglasses on, Suit perfectly neat. "seems we have a guest... please sit down-" The teacher simply said as Riki remained "Im purely here to keep my fiancee safe." Riki simply said as the students started murmuring. Y/n took a deep breath before turning to him, nudging him "Riki sit down... you're embarassing me-" she said as the male did just that, taking his glasses off.

Clearly it was a pretty stressful day. Teachers holding back every inch of annoyance, towards this male, who isn't even a student, yet has the need to interrupt and correct every tiny, human mistake, and answer every question like a nerd. But he found it boring. "I never knew robots feel bored... I always thought they're boring-" Y/n pointed out as Jungwon rolled his eyes, poking her with a metal robotic arm he had in his hand.

"Of course he feels shit, he's like half robot, half living human demon thingy- plus robots aren't boring." Jungwon defended as y/n rolled her eyes "Get a real girlfriend, or build yourself one. Then you'll get that there's better things than metal dolls." Y/n sassed as Jungwon rolled his eyes. "Ill find a girlfriend when I feel like it, the last 2 used me for money, and none of the girls you chose me actually have an interest in relationships." As y/n nodded, not dragging the subject along longer.

Riki blow dried his hair as y/n sat in front of the mirror, doing her skincare routine, and fiddling with her make up every now and then. "Why do you use makeup when you're already pretty enough?" Riki asks as the girl blinks, turning to him "Because I love doing it, it makes me pretty, sure, but it's very theraputic, and gives we something to do when Im bored" She explained as he nodded. "Can I do your hair?" he asked.

✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧

[linked-maze]

Hey! I'm sending this not because I want to direct hate at you, but because I'm very concerned with how one of your characters is depicted. As someone who deals with psychosis and severe delusions, LM Spirit can be seen as making fun of those delusions. Spirit's gag is that he "thinks he's a train" and as a result "eats coal" because he believes that he is a train. That's really all there is to his character. It does not help that this is excused away as him being "stupid". That's not stupidity, that's delusional behaviour coupled with an eating disorder (Pica) 😭😭

Again, I don't mean for this to come off mean, or hateful, nor do I mean this in bad faith. I just mean this as someone who battles with psychosis and delusions. We're constantly the butt of the joke--and if we aren't, we're being demonised. I know you mean well and I cannot imagine that you came from a place of genuinely wanting to make fun of severe illness; but it is making fun of severe mental illness. I think the lack of intent doesn't take away from the fact that it's still hurtful. I understand that he isn't actually in the main story, but he's still included in your AU and you still have jokes that make fun of his delusions. Even if you didn't intend for it, the effect is definitely still there and it's worth changing so it's a little more sensitive towards mental illness in the future.

Please don't construe this as hate, because it isn't and please don't be demotivated by this either. Everyone makes mistakes, and sometimes they can be hurtful, but at the end of the day; just as everyone is capable of making mistakes, they're equally capable of fixing them too.

Oh, I'm so truly sorry that I hurt any of you guys! and that it made you feel like the butt of the joke. that was totally on me! Spirit doesn’t actually think he is a train, he is mostly just imagining for the fun of it- just like you do when you want to fly or breathe underwater. There is a lot more to his character that I have sadly not shared yet. Spirit does not have psychosis and severe delusions or an eating disorder (Pica) plz do not put mental illnesses on my characters. I did not intend to write that at all for him. His coal-eating obsession is ofc very harmful- but he is a fictional character. just like Wild eating rocks, right? coal is just a fancy rock XD I will of course take this seriously and not make the joke anymore. Thanks for telling me so I can change my actions and do better! and have a very good day/night!

[thurio-edau]

strange things are happening to me lately. i dont know what trigger warning this is but ill still put a read more.

i woke up with an uneasy feeling at like 5 and half in the morning. i just felt... not this. this body isn't mine. i looked at my hands literally in horror. this isn't me. i am not blake. am i? who am i?

i got up. went to the bathroom and hit some water on my face. this isn't my face. it's not me. my pupils were dilated, completely almost. which was weird. my pupils are average in size normally. i looked at my hands again. these aren't my hands. i am not this. am i even real??

i cant remember yesterday properly. i cant remember the other day. i cant remember a few days ago. i cant remember what i said, what i felt, but theres a burden on my mind. there are thoughts inside my mind but i dont know what they are. there's just... something. that i cant explain.

my hallucinations are getting weird. im hearing footsteps. doors opening. laughter. but none of it are... tangible, if that makes sense. i dont know. the weird thing is, i woke up like this the other day or a few days back again. it was the same. dilated pupils and looking at my hands. these hands aren't mine as i type. it doesn't feel like it. these aren't my hands. this isn't my life. i am not blake. am i?? i dont fucking know.

im just hoping i'll return to blake once i sleep again and wake up.

[xxlovelynovaxx]

Breaking down yet another "THIS POST IS ABOUT PHYSICAL DISABILITY DO NOT FUCKING DERAIL." post that is relevant to the vast majority of neurodisabled people.

I don't think able-bodied individuals realize how isolating it is to grow up physically disabled (especially if you're poor, or fat, or a person of color on top of all of these). You miss a lot of milestones and 'once in a lifetimes' because you can't leave your house or you just won't be accommodated.

Neurodisabled people know exactly what this is like. Neurodisabled people are not accommodated, particularly those of us with middling to high support needs. Neurodisabled people often physically can't leave their house without accommodations.

You become a downer at parties or outings because you're pitied for what you can't take part in alongside the rest (and sometimes they just stop inviting you altogether). If your disability isn't visible, you keep reminding people you're disabled and they keep conveniently forgetting until you just give up trying to be seen.

Ah yes, because people with chronic mental illness NEVER get treated as a downer, pitied for what we can't take part in, or forget us altogether until we give up. It's not like this is an extremely common source of trauma for even low support needs autistics. /s

If it IS visible, they'll still never look into it, they'll just make assumptions on it on your behalf until you give up trying to correct them.

Like you do about neurodisabled people?

You know hospitals better than you ought to, and you can't talk about it, because it scares people. You fall behind in school and the next thing you know you aren't graduating or you aren't going to college or your 'gap year' goes on far too long. You don't get your first job when everyone else does; you might not ever get a job at all, that's "weird", you're weird.

Psychiatric hospitalization exists, for everything from anxiety and depression to personality disorders to psychosis to addiction to being "noncompliant" with abusive psychiatrists. I fell behind in school and nearly didn't graduate high school and dropped out of college and never went back as I became more and more disabled. Also, do you know how high unemployment is for autistic people? People with ADHD? People with schizophrenia? People with DID/OSDD/UDD? People with depression? No?

You have so many health scares people stop taking it seriously; you stop talking about it, because again, it scares people. You stop telling people you're in pain because they already know but they never really understand.

Yeah, that's what people did about my suicidality and self-harm and panic attacks and meltdowns. I stopped telling people because they didn't understand and didn't care enough to try.

You stop trying to make the little plans of your own you can actually take part in. You hear from your able-bodied friends less and less. Life goes on without you, and it feels like the end of the world. You're young and disabled and you will sit alone at lunch because it's better than being gawked at like a circus animal.

Ah yes, famously an experience the vast majority of neurodisabled people haven't experienced. /s

Even those people not forcibly isolated via special ed are typically isolated in exactly this fashion if they ever show or even talk about the actual symptoms of their neurodivergence at all.

You've never seen anyone else like you. You're an adult and still disabled and you'll never stop being the kid in the library. You're an adult and you "should be at the club" and you have never wanted anything less. You're an adult and you're still "too young" to be disabled, so nobody sees you.

I didn't know autistic people existed outside of the Rain Man or "nonfunctional" stereotype until I was 17. I didn't know what DID was until I was 23. I didn't know that OCD and intrusive thoughts could be stuff other than pathologically cleaning stuff. I didn't know that the things I was experiencing were hallucinations and delusions until about age 25-26. I didn't know other people like me existed.

I don't want to be at the club because it sends me into a dangerous meltdown.

The only one I don't get is being "too young", but I don't get that one for my physical disabilities either because people assume that they're from "obesity", since fatphobia overrides age stereotypes in most cases.

You're an adult and you're still being stared at. You come to accept the staring never really stops. Absolutely detrimental to the self-esteem, to grow up physically disabled.

I'm still stared at for the symptoms of my neurodivergence, even if people don't recognize that's what they're picking up on. People just recognize that I'm "off", that I'm "crazy", that I'm a "freak".

My suicidal depression came from growing up neurodisabled.

And we all deserved (and still do deserve) a whole lot fucking better than that.

Yes, all disabled people do deserve a whole lot fucking better, including from you.

People telling you that you're wrong about these things being exclusive to corpodisabled people, that "able-bodied" neurodisabled people do understand - and neurodisabled corpodisabled people telling you that you're harming them and actively spitting in the face of intersectionality to reductively force people to only talk about the parts of their experiences that you accept - is not derailing. It's not derailing unless your purpose in talking about this is to exclude and hurt other disabled people and foster division.

tags reading cpunk cripplepunk actually disabled the demon speaks new banner this time because y'all can't behave ever on my cpunk posts long post

But then you don't want solidarity. You want neurodisabled people - even physically disabled neurodisabled people - to cut off half of our experiences and existence to not make you uncomfortable. You want obedience, compliance, obeisance. You want your lateral ableism to go unquestioned.

Never mind that your statements don't actually universally apply to physically disabled people - physically disabled people with low support needs generally DON'T face these struggles to nearly the same extent if at all. I would know, I had low support needs for the few physical disabilities I had growing up until they exploded into a plethora of severely disabling conditions, with trauma and especially neurodivergent burnout being a huge catalyst for said explosion.

Well, cripplepunk is about not tempering your anger against ableists, right? So fuck you, go fuck yourself, and fuck right fucking off.

If you're here to try and tell me what a horrible ableist I am and how I could never understand as an "abled" or "able-bodied" chronically ill wheelchair using crip, please refer to the previous paragraph. Take your ableism against a profoundly physically disabled person with high support needs elsewhere. Block me, whatever, but my partner is screening my notifications and you WILL simply be blocked and I will never even see your ableist whining, so don't waste your own time.

OP is both physically disabled and neurodisabled, a wheelchair user, has high support needs to the point of needing a caregiver and being mostly housebound, and is not in any way fucking abled, since in the past none of y'all have read the multiple times we've said "we're severely physically disabled".

[definitelynotshouting]

context: ik most of my asks are pretty disorganized, stream of consciousness type of thing but GEEZ this got out of hand. you know that thing cats do when they bring you a dead mouse and *they're* super proud of it and you're just like dude.. why /lh

i usually put whatever my immediate thoughts are after reading the chapter and this time i thought it might be fun to write it out before. can you tell im running on five hours of sleep?? lmk if this made any coherent sense because even i dont understand it!!

so last chapter ripped my heartt out and stomped on it. i am LIVING for the way this whole thing was written, gorgeous prose as always <3. i was very curious as to wether Mumbo would question Grian but i think him NOT doing that was SO in character, and i adore it. I feel like w/ some fics (my own writing included) Scar is the ONLY one Grian relies on for support (in ANY area), and whenever Mumbo is even in the picture, he's just kinda "there", he doesn't check up on Grian or broach the topic of whatever is currently plaguing our little bird guy (basically, he's not involved in Grian's life despite being "his best friend"). And the way you characterized him was just So Real?? I would wager a guess (correct me if im wrong ofc) that part of it is that he just DOESNT know, (because Grian is oh so good at telling half truths and privately justifying his self sabotage) but a part of it is also him being lowkey willfully ignorant. he doesnt WANT Grian to be sick (mentally or otherwise) but definetly knows that SOMETHING is up. he really WANTS to help fix whatever is going on (evident by the gold farm) but he doesnt know what Grian needs or how to help him.

i have been OBSESSING over how Grian saying goodnight to Mumbo was ACTUALLY his goodbye to him but Mumbo DOESNT KNOW AND ITS EATING ME ALIVE. (also thought it was super interesting how Grian sort of took Mumbo leaving to sleep as "permission" to do the deed)

side ish note: how tf does Grian even plan to do that?? ik he's got the spider eyes and i *think* he's planning to turn the healing potions into weakness potions but like?? how is he going to do that??? i would assume that the gang would be watching the potions AS they were brewing, and even if they weren't, healing potions and weakness potions are.... vastly different colors. (unless im mixing them up with something else). also aren't they going to walk in on him prepping or already being in the middle of it and just save him like last time? the team as a whole has done a pretty good job on keeping an eye on Grian (from just a "this person can't walk" standpoint) so far. is he waiting for a chance when everyone is busy or does he plan to use MORE weakness potions to make it stronger or quicker?? im interested to see if he's even going to follow The Plan, because up until this point he's been pretty careful with trying to make plans and sneak around EXCEPT for the spider eyes basement adventure, which makes me wonder is he'll get more frantic/desperate as the appointed time draws closer.

Real talk though, Mumbo (and everyone else) is going to be beating himself up over not noticing when stuff goes down (which i would assume would be next chapter, but idk). Also, the fact that Grian asked him to stay means A LOT. To me (and idk if this is what you meant to convey) that signals that a part of him WANTS to stay. theres a part of him that wants to continue to experience the comfort and joy he gets from his friends, but he feels like he's only going to continue to hurt them, so to him this is the ONLY option to keep them safe. also the majority of his existence is just misery and pain so thats probably not helping. (PLUS the whole slew of mental health issues, this is not purely self sacrificial).

anyway, i LOVED this chapter as always, it was like chicken noodle soup for my overworked little soul and i savored every bit of it!! (also, no need to apologize for not having enough spoons!! i dont have any chronic illnesses but i know that shit sucks. this is a particularly long ask for me so dont feel compelled to answer everything in it, or answer right away. hope ur doing well <3)

-🐛

BUG ANONNNN THIS COMMENT IS SO SWEET AND I LOVED READING IT OMGGGG

you hit the nail exactly on the head for where im going with mumbo's characterization-- there is 100% a level of willful ignorance there. Ive always felt like mumbo is the kind of guy who has a thing about avoidance-- he feels very much like a character who will absolutely do his best to ignore things that hes decided arent his business (right up until he stops LMFAO) and part of that in hunger au is him being so anxious for grian to get better that he stops looking at the red flags grian is aggressively waving around. It'll work out!! He's sure of it!! Grian even directly said he's trying to get better!! And i think if he looked at that for longer than it takes for him to flinch away from the entire subject, he would see how much of a bald lie that is.

But he doesnt, because thats a LOT to deal with, and hes never really??? Seen this side of Grian before??? Not the way Pearl and Scar have. Theres a lot of intricacy there that i feel im skimming over but like Mumbo is very much keeping his own sanity in mind here too and thats another painful factor to the whole situation. Idk i have lots of thoughts about it and about the choice here to depict Mumbo giving in to that willful ignorance, and how its going to affect his and Grian's relationship in the future of the fic

(Quick tw for frank discussions of suicide below)

You've also completely nailed the subtext i was getting at with Grian asking Mumbo to stay-- smth ive always felt is a bit underrepresented in narratives like these are how at its most base core, suicide and suicidal ideation are often about needing something to fundamentally change in your life. It takes a LOT of both hopelessness and sheer willpower to actively try and overcome your body's instinctive will to survive. That instinct is baked into our very cells; when someone commits, it means their hopelessness for meaningful change to happen in their lives was so strong it overpowered everything else. And that is something deeply, deeply tragic, and also something i really wanted to respectfully highlight in this portrayal-- how bad things are when you spiral that far. Grian is starving to death. He wasnt lying about maybe having a week to live-- the intermittent feeding has kept him alive longer than anticipated, but its like trying to wall off an avalanche; theres only so much you can do in the face of all that :( and that hopelessness, in combination with how guilty he feels for what he did to his friends, has manifested in him feeling like his only recourse is to kill himself... but at the same time, that instinct to survive and KEEP SURVIVING is still blaring in his veins, and that manifests as him asking Mumbo to stay. Its a bit paradoxical, but its meant to really show how bad his mental state is, that he is willfully ignoring all the frantic signals his body is screaming at him to try and stay alive rn 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Also, with the potions-- without revealing too much about how this is going to happen, Grian is planning on making fermented spider eyes and using them to turn the healing potions into harming potions, which he'll then drink in the in-between to make sure he dies immediately. Now.. i know how this is gonna go, and i know the exact mechanics around how this is gonna shake out, but smth to keep in mind is hes not thinking logically anymore, he has FULLY capitulated to his own storm of emotional wreckage. So yes there are DEFINITELY some questions to be asked about how hes gonna try and get this done, but in all honesty they mostly boil down to "sheer opportunity" which you'll see a bit more of in the next chapter >:] but yeah its meant to be a bit illogical skdbwkdjskd since he just isnt thinking coherently anymore at this point :(

Bug anon thank u for my entire life this comment was so sweet and so wonderful to receive, i really love it when my writing is analyzed like this and seen and understood!!! Its amazing its such a wonderful feeling to have your work be seen like this and its something i very much do not take for granted :]]]❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ tysm for the ask i am seriously treasuring it SO MUCH rn (and also thank you for the well-wishes!! Im doing my best to stay silly out here HEHE)❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[cannibalisticlove]

why don't you go date them since they're your favorite so much..

[butchviking]

i hate being a mentally ill adult actually. i hate that there’s always groceries to be bought and housekeeping to do and work in the morning i hate that we have no space to feel it all i hate that we walk around acting normal. there are so many people i know who are clearly deeply unhappy with their lives and we make silly little jokes that allude to it but sometimes i want to grab them by the shoulders and scream ‘i know you are miserable!! we can’t keep living like this!! this is why people break!!’ im sick of this drudgerous apathy i want us all to be dramatic like when we were teenagers i want us to sob together and scream bloody murder at each other and tell each other we want to kill ourselves not as a funny post-ironic joke but because we all feel like that sometimes!! i want us to get fucked up on god knows what til we can’t open our eyes i want us to take care of each other instead of always taking care of ourselves i want us to be vulnerable i want us to hold each others hands in the ambulance!!

[tatck]

DO SONAMY PLEASE (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

No!

Sorry but I'm not interested in romantic ships so I won't do any pairing. Especially with Sonic himself, he is just so aroace to me.

In fact, Vagabond Sonic IS aroace and will never be in a relationship. The only romance in my comic will be the romance of adventure!

[spookythesillyfella]

" Losing battle of loss "

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

ever since i was a small child the adults around me have treated any boundaries i set as me being a selfish bitch and i think that definitely did something to me

[eclaire-went-bam]

hey, what happened to the left believing in second chances? what happened to the belief that if somebody's tangibly doing better, they deserve that chance? you guys realise how common problematic beliefs were when the internet was younger? like, when gamergate was a thing? not that long ago? you guys realise most people on the internet are not from the same moral background as you? you guys realise keeping people out who have changed their beliefs, is only going to discourage more people from doing better? are you guys crazy? why are y'all bringing moral purity into this? it's a powerful thing to recognise things you've been taught were wrong & to then move away from it, especially when you're in a community around it either irl or online. being in a community is such a powerful force in most people's lives. not everyone had the perfect background & not everyone had access to being as educated on social issues as you did. it's fine to personally not forgive someone's problematic history & not interact with them, but to actively exclude them from the cause? get off your high horse, you're harming the movement by gatekeeping it to those with a perfect moral background.

[the-cookie-of-doom]

for a while now, I've really been doubting my career choices with nursing. I know a lot of it is burn out and depression, and being so overwhelmed between work, school, and clinical, that I didn't have time to breathe. I was in the hospital/on campus for 60 hours a week last semester, and that's not counting the time I had to study outside of that. It was awful. I quit my job because of it, I was almost involuntarily committed because of it.

But the scariest part for me has been how much I've hated clinical. It makes me miserable. And that's terrifying, because once I graduate? That's what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life. So if I already hate it now, what does that mean for my future?

Sometimes, though... Sometimes I'll have a clinical that is just so good, it reminds me of why I'm doing this. Why I'm putting myself through the pain and suffering of becoming a nurse, which is honestly one of the hardest careers a person can have. It's mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. It destroys your body and your mental health. Most of the time it's thankless. It doesn't pay nearly enough for what we go through.

Despite all of the reasons there are not to become a nurse, there are some patients that will remind you why it's all worth it anyway.

Last week, I had a crotchety old bitch of a patient. She had been in the hospital for 10 days, was refusing all of her treatments, screamed at anyone that came in her room, and demanded dilaudid around the clock, despite having no injuries to justify it. Everyone hated her. Her own nurses went in her room as little as possible; I think in the entire 12 hours I was there, her nurse spent maybe a total of 20 minutes in her room. I was in there for hours. A couple minutes at a time in the beginning just so she could warm up to me. Then I spent 2 straight hours at her bedside just talking to her. Letting her tell me her life story. Which was tragic, of course, and no wonder she was so run down and bitter and wanted to get high off narcotics. She was miserable, lonely, and in chronic pain from a body that was deteriorating around her.

So I spent as much time with her as possible. Sure enough, she didn't ask me for any pain medications a single time, once she realized she could trust I was going to look after her. I Explained her medications and her treatments, and the reasoning behind them. I offered to reach out to out chaplain when I noticed she was hyper focused on some televangical broadcast. I got her to call her son to come visit her. I got her to agree to take her medications and allow us to take blood sample for her labs, which were days overdue. I got her up and working with physical therapy so she could start walking again.

By the end of the day, that patient loved me. Not a single complaint all day, she wasn't screaming down the halls and cursing everyone's existence. She was still crotchety and mean in that way old hillbillies are, but she wasn't angry. She wasn't lashing out. She was finally being cooperative. All because I took the time to talk to her and offer her company.

Tonight, I had a shift in our mental health unit. There was a patient who I noticed was very withdrawn and avoiding everyone, mostly just standing in a corner at the end of the hall, by a window. I went down and talked to him. Kind of stilted at first, but slowly he opened up to me. I really only meant to talk for a few minutes, mostly for my own sake, to get used to interacting with mental health patients like this.

Instead, we talked for hours. Nearly 3 hours straight at the start of the day alone, and then more throughout the day. My feet were killing me by the end of it, but it was completely worth it to see the way this poor guy came to life. We talked about everything from social topics like music and movies, to his medications and treatments, and how to manage his depression once he leaves. Something I was able to connect with him about on a personal level in a way his nurse hadn't, because I've been living with depression for a decade, I've been on antidepressants, and I understand. I think that was the point it clicked for him, when he really started reaching out to me, instead of answering when I prompted him. Because humans need connection and understanding.

By the end of the day he was talking freely and smiling nearly non-stop. We'd made plans for him to get back into an old hobby he hadn't touched in years, and he seemed genuinely excited to start it back up again. He was nearly bouncing in place when I went to say goodbye to him at the end of the night, and thanked me for talking to him all day. Even the staff nurses noticed the way his demeanor had completely changed.

Another patient (my actual patient for the night) started the day very combative. To the point she had to be redirected to her room (not locked up, just strongly encouraged to go and cool down). She was screaming at everyone, having some very serious and severe delusions. Same story; I talked to her throughout the day, little bits whenever she was feeling calm. I noticed she had a tattoo from an old semi-niche XBox game I used to play, and we bonded over that. By the end of the shift she loved me. Kept asking me if I'd gotten lunch/dinner, made sure all the other patients on the unit got their snacks, told us all to get some rest once it was curfew for the unit (we had to stay another 2 hours) and said we could use the spare bed in her room if we needed. Which sounds really weird but coming from her was incredibly sweet. Again, total attitude change.

I am very cognizant of the fact that the way I approach my patient care is largely a privilege of still being a student. It's easy for me to stand at a patient's bedside for 2 hours straight and listen to her life story when I have nothing better to do, let alone 3 other patients to take care of. But that nurse didn't talk to her at all. Even when she was in the room, she dismissed everything the patient said. The mental health nurses? Most of their time is spent in the nursing station gossiping and messing on their phones. There's no reason for them not to put in the extra effort of spending time with their patients. And especially there, it can have such an impact.

All of that is to say, I love the relationships I'm able to build with my patients. It's so important for me to be able to connect with people like this, to make them feel seen and cared for and important. No one wants to be treated like an inconvenience, especially not while they're in the hospital, sick and hurt and exhausted and in pain.

Nights like these are why I'm going into this field. I love medicine and I always knew I would end up in the hospital, I've always wanted to be able to save someone's life. But I think now that I've grown up and I'm actually working with these patients, I've come to see not only how rewarding it is to save someone's life, but to nurture that life, too.

[iftitah]

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