#i feel like i might get shit for this somehow but FUCK IT
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Online & Anonymous 10/16
Hangster. Explicit. Years before they meet in person Bradley and Jake strike up a friends-with-benefits relationship online. And then something more like an actual relationship.
Odd year = Bradley's POV and Even year = Jake's POV
>>Bradley chatting (bold and italics)
>>Jake chatting (italics)
2005/2006 2007 2008 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014
2015 – Bradley
He doesn’t have the location feature in Grindr turned on by default. He can’t and won’t pick up while he’s deployed, not considering the fact that they have all sort of security hoops and communication blackouts, the location hasn’t ever been important. Except when he’s on leave and he’s looking at it now and Jas is in the same state as him. Not close by any means, but holy shit he’ll travel if he has to. Jas is meant to be deployed, however Texas is a huge state, and Jas has no reason to lie about being deployed. Unless their luck has changed, and Jas is somehow on leave and they’re in the same state. There’s a chance that Jas is on base, and if that’s the case it rules out the Marines and Coast Guard, but not Army, Navy or Air Force.
He wonders if it’s even possible for them to meet. He would totally fly a couple of hours to finally meet Jas.
>>Not to creep on you, but I can see you’re in Texas.
>>You here long?
>>You have got to be fucking kidding me.
>>What?
>>I’m here for two days. Just here to attend my grandma’s funeral.
>>And avoid my family as much as possible.
>>Okay. Not exactly ideal meeting conditions.
>>Fuck.
>>I’m almost tempted to just ditch the funeral.
>>But I can’t.
>>Of course not.
>>God I hate this entire state.
>>Special leave to attend.
>>Turn around is tight.
>>I’m sorry for your loss.
Bradley isn’t sure what else to say, because he hadn’t even realized that Jas spoke to any of his family members, had left them all behind when he joined up whatever service it is he’s in.
>>Thanks. She was the last decent family member I had.
>>Not that I was the best grandson.
>>Another thing to feel shitty and guilty about I guess.
>>But I don’t think I’ll be coming back here unless it’s for work.
… … …
He studies his calendar and the dates Jas has sent through of when he’s on leave. There’s not more than twenty-four hours of overlap with his own leave and he gets that people come and go and in a twelve-month period it’s fine, however this has been going on for several years now. The world feels like it’s going crazy and he doesn’t know if it actually is, or if he’s just paying more attention now, as he gets older and aware how world events will impact where he might be sent next. Where Jas might be sent next.
Massacres.
Shootings.
Coups.
Wars.
Foreign airstrikes.
And that’s just the first two months of the year. God, no wonder they can’t seem to catch a break. He scrolls back up to the pictures Jas had sent through last night and studies the tan lines, wonders where he might be to develop them. It’s not a comms blackout, but it’s close. They’re time zones apart now and it makes him regret not appreciating all the times when they were only hours apart.
“Is that your guy?”
“Jesus Christ! Natasha!” Bradley presses his phone to his chest and squirms away from where she’s trying to sit on his thighs in an attempt to pin him.
“I mean, I’d be distracted too if someone sent me pictures like that. Maybe worth the money you paid for that ridiculous phone,” she says, poking him in the thigh.
“He’s not my guy. Just… okay. Yeah. I guess it is my guy. He’s also a friend. He doesn’t need you drooling over him.”
“A friend you have pretty regular sex with… And I’m sure you drool over him enough for the both of us.”
“Yeah. But we’ve never met and it feels like we’re never going to. And we don’t even know each other’s names. It’s not a romance for the ages.”
“And yet you admitted it’s one of your most important relationships. And not just because of the sex. That does sound pretty romantic to me.”
“This is why people think we’re sleeping together, all you talk about is sex.”
“I just said it was romantic! But I talk about sex because it winds you up.”
Bradley groans.
“Is it phone sex, when your still just sending messages? Isn’t phone sex when you’re actually on the phone with each other? Have you tried that? Does he have an accent?”
“Why are you so interested?” Bradley replies, because he’s wondering now, and he hadn’t really thought about it before and he’s annoyed at himself. Wonders if they could talk on the phone, hear each other’s voices. Wonders if Jas has an accent, because he is Texan.
“Because I’m bored.”
“What do I have to do to make you leave me alone?”
“There’s nothing you can do. You need to entertain me. Can I talk to your friend?”
“No!”
“I could find him and talk to him. You’ve given me enough details to find him I think…”
“Why would you want to do that?”
“The entertainment value alone would make it worth it.”
He rolls his eyes but pulls a deck of cards from his pocket, because while he doesn’t think she would go through with it he also wouldn’t be entirely surprised if she did.
… … …
His next deployment once again finds him on a carrier with Jake Seresin. Carriers are huge, there are thousands of people on board and yet Seresin seems to be there every time he turns around. Fortunately Seresin’s squadron are meant to leave in two months so at least that’s only one-third of his deployment he has to suffer through, and another squadron is cycling through in one-month, so between them he can at least try and avoid him. It works better in theory than in practice. Their downtime in the rec room nearly always seems to coincide and he’s not really listening to what the others are talking about until he hears Seresin mention going home to Texas.
“You’re Texan?” Bradley asks, eyes shooting up to meet his and Seresin raises an eyebrow.
“Born and bred. How did you miss that fact Rooster? It’s not like you haven’t heard my gorgeous dulcet tones.”
“I guess I just never thought of it before, about where you’re from.”
He doesn’t mean it as an insult, he just really hadn’t thought about it, because he was in Corpus Christi where everyone seemed to sound Texan. And Seresin sometimes doesn’t sound as Texan as he does right now. He’s pretty sure that’s the case anyway.
“Proud Texan through and through, go back every chance I get.”
“Of course you do.”
… … …
Bambi arrives like a breath of fresh air with five others, and he grabs her and swings her around and then brings her in for a tight hug.
“God it’s good to see you.”
“Good to see you too BB!”
“Congrats on the promotion.”
“Yeah, now you can stop being an asshole about it.”
“Only with you. And Natasha.”
“Yeah yeah. It really is good to see you. Come on, think we can get a party started up in here and do some dancing?”
“I’m certain you can achieve anything you want.”
“And don’t you forget it! You can play the piano for me later!”
“As you wish…” Bradley says, and she cackles madly and he grins, glad that she’s here.
… … …
Things get a lot less fun for a while, they’re in the air dropping bombs, patrolling airspace and this is what he’s trained for, years of training paying off, and it’s necessary, and he loves flying, and when it comes down to an enemy plane or Seresin being shot down he’s glad that Seresin made the shot. As much as he might find him arrogant and annoying he doesn’t want him dead. He does wish the guy would learn a little humility though, and he definitely snaps when he hears him re-telling the kill.
“Judge, jury and executioner… You’re just a modern-day hangman now aren’t you?”
The nickname of Hangman sticks to him, and he can tell it grates him a little, but then he starts leaning into it and somehow becomes even more arrogant and Bradley didn’t think it was possible but he’s been wrong before. Two weeks later Seresin and the rest of his squadron leave and he lets out a mental sigh of relief.
�� Four months to go.
… … …
>>You ever kill anyone?
>>No.
>>You okay?
>>Probably not. Good enough to fake it.
>>You shouldn’t have to fake it.
>>I’m assuming this isn’t a hypothetical?
>>No. Not hypothetical.
>>I’ve probably been responsible for people dying before.
>>Just never seen faces before.
>>I’m having nightmares.
>>Shit. I’m sorry. Wish I could give you a hug.
>>Thanks. I’ve got J helping me out.
>>They aren’t going to keep me down.
>>I’ll be fine.
>>Jas. Take some time. Talk to someone.
>>And say what?
>>I throw up every time I think about it too much?
>>It’s okay to feel upset about it.
>>Yeah? Then why is everyone congratulating me like what I did was a good thing?
>>War on terror… fucking hell.
>>You’re on leave right now right?
>>Go and get laid?
>>If I could be guaranteed a good lay, I would take that advice.
>>You know what I feel like?
>>What?
>>Just… pinned down and fucked until I can’t think about anything except how I’m feeling physically. Nothing in my head.
>>I mentioned once about tying you up… would you let me?
>>Yeah. Of course.
>>No. Not of course. We can talk about anything and everything, but actually doing it is another matter.
>>You know what I want the most?
>>What?
>>Giving you what you need.
>>If that’s tying you to a bed that’s all well and good, but I can pin you with my body, hold you down while I just rub against you. Get you hard and desperate for it, just rubbing up against each other like horny teenagers.
>>Would be an interesting experiment to try out.
>>Yeah, especially if I was already stretched and lubed up, that potential for more just there on the edge for both of us…
>>But you’d have to figure out how to keep me pinned and get you dick in me.
>>God you’ve gotten so good at this.
>>All the practice with you baby.
… … …
He’s back in a squadron with Natasha and for the first time also Hangman, and it’s a learning curve and a half because he remember Seresin and how he was at Top Gun a few years ago. He seems to have embraced the title of the only naval aviator in active duty to have an air to air kill, and all it does is make him wonder what has happened to Maverick, because surely he’s still active. The idea that he might have died and he wouldn’t know about it scares him, so he sends a carefully worded email to Ice and asks about them both. The response he gets back isn’t overly open or encouraging, but it is still a response and Bradley takes it as the small stepping stone it is. He’s still angry, but not angry enough to not want to know that Mav is alive and well. Ice too. It’s been over fifteen years and what he really wants now is answers. So he sends another email back, shares a funny story about something that happened and hopes for the best.
… … …
“Every turn he assumes I think the worst of him.”
“Don’t you?”
“No! He’s an asshole, but I think he maybe uses that to cover up stuff.”
“Hmm. Deep.”
“Shut up,” Bradley mutters.
“Maybe the two of you have more in common than you think.”
Bradley looks at her sharply.
“What do you mean by that?”
“I can’t say. Just… keep an open mind I guess?”
“Oh my god Nat. I don’t need an open mind,” Bradley says with an eye roll, putting sarcastic quotation marks in the air when he says open mind. “He made a pass at me.”
“Oh, so you know he’s gay.”
“And so do you…” Bradley observes.
“Yeah well, best friend privilege I guess? I haven’t said anything about you though. Other than you being in a long-distance relationship.”
“Oh, great, thanks for that.”
“What?”
“If I go and hook up people are going to think I’m cheating.”
“Oh. Sorry. Didn’t think about that. Wait, how long have you known Seresin’s gay?”
“Uh. Few years. When I was at Top Gun for the year.”
“When you spent a large chunk of time bitching to me about how annoying he was?”
“He asked me out for a drink after that. After most of that…”
“Did he?! Really?” Natasha sits up and leans forward, eyes wide and excited.
“I turned him down obviously.”
“Why obviously?”
“I was sort of an instructor at the time. Didn’t want a reputation of sleeping with people anymore than I want one as a cheater,” he says, poking his toes into her thigh in annoyance, although all she does back is pinch the delicate skin of his ankle and he yelps in pain.
“So… you haven’t slept with him.”
“Nope.”
“Thinking about it now though right?”
He groans and she laughs. It’s annoying because they both know she’s right.
… … …
It wasn’t him. That’s the only thing he can think of when he hears the news. Who ever it was got the target wrong and hit a hospital. He hears all the talk about collateral damage but he still thinks he’s going to be sick. He didn’t sign up to kill injured people and doctors. He sends another email to Ice, wonders if he’ll have any magical words that will help him sleep at night.
… … …
It hits him over dinner one night that Seresin’s first name is Jake. He has the same initials as Jas, is maybe born the same year and is also from Texas. That’s quite a few coincidences. He starts paying a little more attention. He knows Natasha thinks it’s because he wants to maybe fuck him, and okay, she’s not wrong, but it’s not the only reason he’s looking. Then he hears Hangman on the phone talking to someone, his sister he tells Natasha later when she asks (at Bradley’s not so gentle request). It’s that that makes him realize that’s all they are; coincidences. Jas doesn’t talk to his family and hates Texas, Seresin is the opposite. Seems about right.
… … …
>>How are you going?
>>Good. Didn’t need to vomit when a nightmare woke me up this time.
>>That’s what I call winning.
>>You and I have very different definitions of winning.
Bradley walks into the rec room and Hangman is there on his phone, thumbs flying over the screen and he wonders who he’s talking to. He looks happy, clearly not as troubled as Jas is feeling, and he guesses they’re different people and have very different experiences.
“Hey Hangman, you okay?”
“Would you care if I wasn’t?” Hangman says back, and he’s smiling, but his eyes are glinting with a challenge. Bradley shrugs, because he can extend an olive branch, but shoving it down Hangman’s throat pretty much defeats the purpose.
“I just thought I’d check in on you. Some people… struggle, when they’ve killed someone,” he doesn’t mean for it to sound accusatory, or detached, but they’re not friends. Maybe he should be checking in with Coyote instead, asking him if he thinks Hangman is okay. He’d definitely get a more honest answer, that’s certain.
“I’m in the wrong profession if that’s something I’d allow to bother me.”
“Okay. Just thought I’d ask.”
God, he’s such an asshole.
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heyyy can you write some smut where it's like enemies to lovers and you were smoking outside at night and then bill appears out of nowhere and started making fun of you for smoking then you bring up his smoking habits and it wasn't so fun anymore and you started arguing but eventually end up making out and more
Warnings: unprotected sex
Swearing, semi public (in a car)
A/n- Sorry if this like low key sucks I haven’t wrote in a long time and yea😭😭 (hope I did at least partly what you wanted)
Fuck you
It was about 11 pm, and I was currently standing outside of a huge house party that my best friend had somehow convinced me to go to, I’d much rather be home in my room, I felt insecure and just stressed out. I hate parties, but I’m doing it for her. I lit my cigarette and took a drag looking up at the sky, my friend had ditched me again for the fifth time already so I might as well just stay out here. I was lost in my thoughts until, I heard a voice. A voice I definitely didn’t want to hear right now. Bill. Kaulitz.
“Ooo someone’s not having a goodnight, why aren’t you inside loser? Too busy making your lungs black?”
He taunted.
“Can’t you fuck off? And what are you even talking about I know you smoke too, everyday after school coming to the gas station to get a new pack! At least I’m not addicted, I do it for stress relief!”
His face dropped.
“What the fuck, how did you even- you’re a liar!”
He started,
“I think you’re just mad that I know about your little secret..”
Bill grabs my arm looking at me with his angry brown eyes, his beautiful angry brown eyes. What am I thinking? I hate him. Right?
All of a sudden I was cut out of my thoughts by a pair of lips smashing onto mine, I was shocked but I eventually melted into it.
“Let’s go to my car, yea?”
He asks his voice soft and breathy.
“Mhm..”
We headed to his car and hopped into the back her layed on the seat and motioned for me to sit on his lap, we continued to make out, as I felt his tongue sneak into my mouth. I let out a small whimper.
I felt his arm sneak to my back and pull up my shirt, lifting it off of me. I was left in my skirt and my Lacey white bra. He looked at me with slanted eyes.
“You’re so gorgeous…”
He said breathing heavily.
I leaned down to kiss his neck, and I felt his arms sneak around behind me to unclip my bra,as I felt my bra slip off, my nipples hardening I started to feel a bit shy, trying to cover up but bill halted my movements,
“S’okay baby.. you look s’good..”
I looked him in the eyes as he leaned forward leaving harsh kisses on my breasts.
After a minute he lifts up his hips slipping his boxers and pants off at the same time.
Holy fuck.
He was huge. That was not gonna fit inside me.
“You okay hun?”
He asked with a soft tone.
“B-bill I don’t think.. I- that’s not gonna fit-“
I stuttered out
“It will baby.. don’t worry..”
“You’ll just have to get used to it.”
He replied.
“Uh- okay..”
After I replied I felt him ride up my skirt above my hips, and pull my panties to the side. He grabbed his length putting it right at my entrance.
“It might sting just a bit baby, but you’ll get used to it.”
Before I could reply I felt him push me down onto his length,
I immediately felt the stretch, I squeezed my eyes shut, catching my breath.
“You’re okay honey..”
he brushed my hair out of my face. We sat there for a second and then he asked,
“Can we move now?”
I slowly nodded and he helped me go up and down, it hurt but felt so good at the same time,
“Ooo shit… good girl..” he cooed
“Mm!”
Was all I could muster out.
“Fuck!” I squeaked quietly.
We started to go at a faster pace, I couldn’t control any nosies I was making at this point, they were just spilling out of my mouth,
“You’re doing so good honey, keep going, I’m almost there…”
“Ah! Fuck..” I moaned out
“Bill I’m gonna.. cum..”
I squeaked.
“Me too princess, do it with me..”
He said, out of breath
“Fuck fuck!” I moaned feeling the coil in my stomach snap, cumming
as I felt bill thrust into me a couple more times before releasing into me, luckily I was on birth control. We both lied there catching our breath before he spoke.
“You did s’good baby.. we should do it again sometime… would you want my number?”
He asked with a slight smirk.
“Sure!” I respond, and he gets a peice of paper writing it down as I got dressed, I picked up my phone and saw, 20 missed calls. From my best friend I completely forgot we were at a party.
“Shit! She’s probably lost somewhere..”
bill looks at you confused giving you the paper.
“Sorry, I completely forgot I was here with my friend, I gotta go! I’ll see you around and I’ll text you!!”
I said rushing out of the car
“Okay!”
Bill replied, he couldn’t ever remember why he hated her in the first place now.
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A funny detail about Cloak & Swaggart
A common misconception spread around regarding the episode "Cloak & Swaggart" is that Rupert is the theft when in actuality-
he's isn't. While Rupert is definitely not above such petty actions like thievery. In this case, he's very much innocent.
-OKAY OKAY PUT YOUR TOMATEOS DOWN! I KNOW HE'S BRITISH! Stop booing at me! BUT YOUR HONOUR!
My client is innocent of this specific instance.
(Read more below)
In "Cloak and Swaggart" our favourite Girlboss duo go out partying after Splinter and his boys are off "camping".
They are having the time of their lives, simply gals being pals.Yet something disastrous happens on girl's night leading to being the driving force of today's misadventure.
Sunita's Brooch is stolen by a mysterious assailant.
We know the thief of identity is unknown by judging the shape of their hand.
One could argue that this was an animation decision made by the team to make the twist a little more fun but this makes no sense from a narrative standpoint.
Mr Loose Lips can't be the thief because
A) look at his hands
B) He isn't a Yokai or a mutant- he's never seen dawning a brooch indicating he may have an alternative form.
Rupert can't be the thief because The Pigman has an alibi. This alibi is confirmed by Mr loose lips himself.
"Look kid, my clients suspect a certain level of discretion. Yea' think I'm just gonna tell yea that the brooch was bought by some big guy with a thick neck and an upturned nose an' paper hat, on his way to channel 6 ln a late-model charcoal grey stretch limousine?"
If Rupert was the theft, then why would he bother showing up to Mr loose lips in the first place? it makes no sense.
Even if we were to entertain the idea that this was a commission's work- it still wouldn't make sense.
Rupert Swaggert in this regard, is innocent. He had no clue that the brooch belonged to someone else upon buying it. Keep in mind, that the British bastard had never met April or Suntia before this.
This makes the Episode even MORE funnier when you look through his lenses.
He can return to his old career which he suddenly lost due to his mutation. He finally found the means to take back his old life but within ONE DAY- Rupert was harassed by two teenagers, whom he had never met before EVER in his life. (then nearly got eaten by some yanks)
From his perspective: He got robbed by some teens- for no reason
Before I close this off.
I worry that some folks take away from the post is me shifting the blame onto April and Suntia which... no, I'm not. They're well within their right to take back a family heirloom which belongs to Sunita.
besides They're TEENAGERS.
Do you think April gonna go over to a known dangerous mutant and be like "Ermm, can we have that brooch back? " OF COURSE NOT. don't be insane. These girls deserve a crown.
What I'm doing is pointing out the hilarity of this scenario.
We are all familiar with who Rupert is. He's an oversized porky jackass that has no problem committing extreme acts for his own benefit.
We are SO used to his shittiness that putting "stealing from teenage girls" on his list of crimes wouldn't be out of the question.
The only thing is... he didn't commit that here.
Dude tried to get his old job back only to have some teenager mess with his life again. he never met them and to his knowledge, the Brooch was something he purchased.
So the Verdict?
Rupert is innocent in regards to Suntia's stolen brooch
As for everything else? all his other crimes?
Guilty. Put this man away your honour.
case closed
#character analysis#Rottmnt#rottmnt april#april o'neil#rottmnt sunita#rise of the tmnt#rupert swaggert#cloak & swaggert#Suntia#i feel like i might get shit for this somehow but FUCK IT#ITS FUNNY#Meat sweats#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt#unpause rise of the tmnt#unpause rottmnt#unpause rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles
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imagine if westley rlly betrayed wander n sylvia n stayed in the hater empire jk jk unless
#hmmm how do i make him suffer more#hed live such a miserable life#idk i just like that “character gets all they wanted n then realizes it doesnt fulfill them” thing sm#imagine how getting special treatment n then being instantly demoted back to just private again after wander n sylvia escape would feel#im saying like cartoonishly instantly back#its like everyone forgot abt his stupid medal of evil n stuff its just all back to status quo except westley being less enthusiastic n#more n more hyperaware of all the brainwashing#which is actually funny asf cuz peepers n haters brainwasing n propaganda is so bad it only works on westley n maybe like 3 more watchdogs💀#if the watchdogs still have a home planet i like to think they have the craziest propaganda going on down there actually to the point#enrolling in the hater empire is a lot of watchpuppies' dream#its like our thing w every kid wanting to be an astronaut except its every watchpuppy wanting to serve the hater empire#which was def westley at some point#except bro somehow kept that enthusiasm going for 3 years of witnessing hater fuck up n peepers violate workers rights all day every day#wait nvm the propaganda might actually work rlly well considering the eye on the skullship n andys whole thing abt being absolutely#engrossed w haters whatabouts n shit despite never seeing him up close before#damnn imagine that#imagine their war machine evil empire being actually bad n not just silly cartoon aliens (its still just silly cartoon aliens)#this got long asf idk i just lkke#i wanted to say “i just like propaganda” idk how to phrase it right n not sound fucked up in the head#its all propaganda pro propaganda i have a feeling im not alone 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥#pbj
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bitches be like. i hate vegans so much that i’ve decided i like killing animals and its fine and i dont feel bad and animals dont have feelings and its fine and im cool subversive and different and edgy and like to post fucked up stuff to make vegans uncomfortable bc im just so cool
#you sound like every cishet republican man to me#you're not a Cool Subversive Leftist you're literally regressing by seeing animals as just objects of your pleasure and thats it lmao#im sorry but you dont just get to throw out all of veganism. it does infact have some roots in leftism.#you can sit there and cope with the fact you agree w some vegan talking point by calling it 'animal welfare' all you want#doesnt change the fact that a lot of those ideas in those circles were formed by vegans.#damn woooah vegans arent a monolith and dont all agree on the same shit woooahhh who knew#literally i have no idea how we even got to this point or how this would be surprising.#when i was on vegan twitter bitches were arguing all the fucking time within it. ur really gonna sit ther en tell me they're all secret#eco fash that hates native ppl and people who have to eat meat? ya sure???#you would think the individuals on tumblr- of all places- would understand how frustrating it would be to be grouped in with the worst#members of their community as if you represent them and are the sole spokesperson#you'd think they'd hate when someone jumps to conclusions about them based on their lifestyle#but naur. i think yall take it too personally. as if a vegan just being in a room is somehow trying to force you to be vegan.#literally grow tf up.#if a vegan being in the same room with you triggers feelings in you that you Have to stop eating meat- i really think thats a you problem#bud. homeboy hasnt even spoke to you leta lone look at you and apparently you feel this weird pressure now#idk man dont you think that pressure might be coming within?? maybe.... you do infact feel things and feel a lil guilty abt eating meat?#not telling you to stop... i still eat meat here n there. but at least im honest with myself about how it makes me feel to do it.#its infact normal to take a second to think about the loss someone made in exploitation to provide you with whatever.#if you can let yourself feel a lil guilt about buying a fast fashion thing you can sure as fuck finally extend your fuckin empathy to#animals and stop treating them like objects or toys.
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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this
#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo#this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed#the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg#but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or#something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who#thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding#very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting#absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is#basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since#i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li#type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to#be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell#'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer#anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi#whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23#except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang#i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue#i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan#to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though#would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y
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ugly maths.
i hate maths, right. i don't usually like numbers, and if i do like numbers it's gotta be an 8 or a 48 and nothing else.
thing is, i've recently caught myself doing maths again. ugly maths. the kind of maths that, really, i've been trying to avoid as much as possible because, well, it's ugly!
you... wanna see?
okay, fine... but don't say i didn't warn you!
ugly, see? look at all those numbers! not a 48 in sight!
huh? what's that? you don't see what i'm on about? oh... oh! hang on, lemme just—
better? yes? no? no? okay, what if i—
mmh, yes. ugly numbers. see it now? can you see why they're ugly?
here, i can make it worse.
these numbers are ugly. the maths they make me do is ugly.
now i'll level with you: the worst ones by far are the yellow numbers. the maths they make me do it the ugliest.
why ugly?
because it makes me ugly.
those numbers turn me into not only a suddenly number-obsessed fool, but a fool who also cannot understand these numbers and what they mean and why i feel like they reflect on me and my ability.
87, 75.
the thoughts are as follows:
• the orange numbers are big, so why are you being ugly about the yellow ones? you should be happy with what you have. so many nice big numbers! not everyone receives that.
• is it that there are two different audiences for these two different fics? perhaps. they are quite different works, with different appeals, and different themes. maybe you are reading too much into it.
• why are you obsessing over numbers anyway? you don't like maths! you left maths behind when you were 16, put it down!
okay, okay, fine! i'll put the maths down. right here, in fact!:
that 87 was an 83 at the start of the year. the 6161 it is attached to was a 5453.
4, 708.
ugly maths.
the 75 is a nice number. in fact, compared to 87, it is beautiful, radiant, enchanting. at the start of the year, 75 was 48. wow. now that is one sexy number!
27.
mmmm.
6161, 1061.
5100.
87, 75.
12.
mmmm.
you know, my most favourite comment left recently on a fic of mine was 2 characters long: :(
it made me :)
well, actually, it made me >:) because it was left in response, presumably, to one of the key scenes in a new chapter which left the exact impression on someone that i hoped it would.
they must be the only one who reacted like that, though.
1.
have i mentioned that that 87 and 75 include author responses?
i won't try to do more maths, there. it might not end well for me. the maths is making me tired enough as it is, and i have an early start tomorrow.
oh! but, that being said, i have another set of ugly numbers to show you, so keep 87 and 75 in mind.
ready?
838, 245.
(want a hint? the green numbers!)
838, 87. 245, 75.
9.6, 3.3.
ugly maths. it's ugly again, see? i don't like it. i'm seeing numbers within numbers within numbers, and i can't seem to stop!
the numbers make me ask new questions:
• why is it not good enough?
• people seem to engage more with one fic over the other, so shouldn't you prioritise?
• is all this maths this really good for you?
no, it isn't.
i want to avoid ugly maths. ugly maths makes me want to tear my hair out. it makes me want to start from scratch. it makes me want to grab someone and scream. it makes me want to cry and press a button that has tempted me many times before when the numbers become too ugly to bear.
ugly maths turn me into an ugly person.
ugly maths make me obsessive, paranoid, anxious, regretful, vindictive, spiteful, alone.
i hate maths. i hate numbers, just like, it feels, the numbers hate me.
#helia rants#cw vent#i'm okay but i'm not#this has been playing on my mind over the last couple of weeks#it's aimed at the sky rather than anyone here#i know i'm not the best myself as commenting. i justify it to myself by affirming i don't read much. which i don't.#since the start of the year i have tried to comment on everything i have read#bearing in mind i may also dm someone rather than comment because i want to scream and ramble about their fic more personally#that being said. i know i'm not the only one who finds themselves doing ugly maths#and in turn starting to feel uglier too#i don't like looking at the numbers#i was doing well at the start of the year#but as i open my drafts and look to a new chapter and at the notes i wrote#i can't stop myself from opening the fic. from seeing where it's at. from seeing if it's changed. from checking my inbox to see if...#if only...#what it's meant is that i've come to a point where a fic i loved has become exactly that: a fic i loved. past tense#the other fic is still a fic i love. but i know deep down that that is tied to the numbers too#i hate that this is what i've become#because i have tiny fics. fics with 50 hits and maybe 1 comment. and i love them. i still love them#but when it comes to the big ones. the multi-chapters. the hefty fics. after a point all i see are numbers#and those numbers have come to determine both my happiness and fulfilment as a writer#and so i am ugly. i am sad. i am pathetic.#and i don't know how to stop.#helia's stuff#this was meant to save back into my drafts. i was editing tags. tumblr decided it should post. so... so be it.#also this is not an attention thing if anyone dares go 'oh but you're a good writer uwu' i might do something we'll all regret#this is also not a 'ffs comment on my fics will you 😒' hell no#it's just about me. and my issue. and my unhealthy relationship with these fucking numbers.#gotta get this shit out of my head somehow :)
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really irritating that the avenue of communication i keep open bc i pay the phone bill keeps using it to inundate me with fucking Ads?
#toy txt post#I DONT WANT A NEW PHONE. I DONT WANT AI. LEAVE ME ALONE UNLESS THERE IS A FUCKING PROBLEM. GO DIE IN A FUCKING HOLE#@both SAMSUNG AND VERIZON. ROT#the best part is that they ALSO keep sending me shit like 'agree to opt in to whatever the fuck new terms and conditions to continue#recieving offers! LAST CHANCE!#it never is the last chance and not interacting with it or actively opting in somehow never makes them stop sending me the fucking#offers! youre a liar and piece of shit#youre not getting my fucking s10. im not trading in jack shit. i will keep it until it is fucking bricked#i still have my old HTC one maxx or whatever and i am only now considering send that to some sort of erecycling place if i can#bc it is reaching fully non functional levels despite turning on still so ig i should wipe it and see if it can be taken apart and things#reused. hopefully. i know its inefficient and expensive to do that but idk i think maybe we're looking at the cost wrong. idk. no nvm#i was gonna say maybe it doesnt have to be if you actually valued the human lives youre throwing into the precious metals mines#but quite frankly it does feel like theyre gonna make it cheaper to recycle parts by doing the exact same shit and juat having someone they#see as worth less as a human being paid pennies to hunch over a stupid bricked device and pull miniscule amounts of precious metals out#instead of the mines. that might be marginally better working conditions than The Mines idk. theyll find a way to make cruelty the point#tho im sure. god#also#256gb???? 256gb??? are you fucking kidding me??? die#the s10 has over 500 and ive discovered i CAN in fact fit 1tb microSD card. rot and die. you are nothing to me. useless.
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I find it kind of interesting that we have a couple of delusions (and the hallucinations that come with those) that just kind of involve gruesome stuff happening to us, especially because they weren't as gruesome at first but have gotten more so over time.
the hallucinations are all somatic ones (sensations instead of visuals or audio) but they're stuff like I guess what our brain thinks it would feel like if our organs were decomposing, or being eaten by maggots, or just stuff with a similar vibe to that?
I can put up with it for the most part, but like I did nearly throw up on the bed because of it earlier and I'd really like to not experience that again
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#emetophobia tw#vent post#<- I guess? I mean it kinda sucks but I'm not that upset about it right now#anyway this is partly from the Cotard's delusion and partly because we also get delusions involving being parasitised#I think they're kind of linked together for us. like there's a similar vibe to them somehow#anyway the Cotard's delusion is like... it flares up every so often and gets really intense#but otherwise it's mostly just there in the background as like ''yeah that's a thing we experience'' but not affecting us that much#it's hard to explain how we usually feel about it when it's not flaring up really intensely#but at the moment it is flaring up so it's like... okay I guess this is what we're doing for the foreseeable future#idk we might just wake up later and be like ''oh never mind'' or it might flare up for a few weeks or whatever#also talking about this is wild because like I've definitely mentioned us having it but I'm still aware that everything says it's super rar#even though we've met multiple other people who have it and we had it for years without knowing it had a name or anything#but I'm still paranoid about getting fakeclaimed because people like to be like ''that's so rare. there's no way you can have that''#like idk what to tell you buddy my brain is convinced that I'm dead and that my organs are decomposing. I'm not happy about it either#being able to double-bookkeep and know we're experiencing a delusion also makes it weirder#because it's like yeah I know it sounds ridiculous and is technically impossible but my brain has decided that none of that matters#and me being like ''well that can't be true'' feels like being in denial so even though I know it's a delusion#a lot of the time it's easier to just lean into it and go ''okay sure I guess I'm dead. who gives a shit''#anyway let's see how I end up feeling after talking about this because either I'll post it and be like ''yeah this is fine''#or I'll get paranoid about being fakeclaimed or people being like ''what the actual fuck'' and end up deleting it
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in finland our biggest pride event canceled their partnership with our biggest political party because the party hadn't voted in agreement about our new trans law (to allow self-ID and remove requirement of being sterile (yeah really)) (the party had ruled it a “matter of conscience” and abt 1/3 voted against), and now our news are full of the members of that party being pissed abt it and our likely next prime minister commenting how this is “sad and offends many people”, and ppl are flocking to lament and mock how pride is so intolerable and how u have to have 100% correct opinions in order to participate and i'm
#rat.pov#i KNOW cis ppl who don't care really don't care and can't even pretend to care but somehow it still shocks me how unbelievable this shit is#they're literally like#''OH SO WE AS A PARTY HAD TO BE unanimously against forced sterilisation to be welcomed to your lil gay festival?? you ungrateful shits''#NBSFBEJFBEHJBHRNJETNJRMGNRGRGNERM#THEY DON'T EVEN GET THE ABSURDITY OF WHAT THEY'RE SAYING#some MPs of the party have literally said they won't now attend pride because of this#ok that's cool really don't care except that#yes we know you really Really REALLY don't care abt human rights but could you at least think of a less ridiculous way to announce it#can you imagine your members voting against our human rights might also have offended some people CAN YOU IMAGINE H BHBHRH#(they can't bc ppls brain are full of ''this is not an issue that touches normal real life people'' and ''your everyday person doesn't#even understand trans issues''. if only trans people were real everyday people :/)#also the future prime minister just said ''this is very sad and it does feel like a political move instead of an appropriate one''#??????????????????? i'm at a loss#what the fuck do you even mean.#how. HOW do you expect politics to not be political what the. fUCK is wrong with you grow a GODDAMN BRAIN?#and ppl in general like ''oh so pride is full on political now''#I'M BEGGING YOU.WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN WHAT HAS IT EVER BEEN EXCEPT POLITICAL#i know people think it's a funny gay carnival just to piss off straights and conservative christians but I WISH I COULD LAUGH.#it would be funny if it was#.#sorry to rant on side but i had to scream into a void somewhere
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I know I should just block (and not OPEN) tags and posts ab '24 but my brain is stupid and likes to be informed even if it makes me worse
#marquilla#im not even joking when i say this next election makes me wanna kms so bad. im fucking terrified and i feel like we already know what's#gonna happen. not bc people arent voting or organizing i mean bc of how far the right has gotten and how angry they are that a#dem won so theyre gonna show up in droves and it's like god i wish we could idk have some safegaurds in place??? like oh idk you#incite an insurrection you Can't run for president?? but also that wouldnt fully stop shit bc florida has its own neo nazi running and#theres more behind him in the wings. but like idk man i just get so fucking suicidal thinking ab the future#and my drs. are like well then dont look at the news??? 'i sure dont' mkay thats great (not) but um i CAN'T not watch bc i need to#be informed i need to know. and they're like well then stop worrying ab it til election day?? LIKE THAT HELPS#so i just dont bring it up. and i just spiral and have breakdowns in the shower and think ab making a will and shit yknow normal stuff#bc this is fine! just dont engage! stop worrying it's like a year away! it MIGHT get better! idk Join in your community then??#like yes yes thats a start but with what fucking energy when im bedbound most of the time im not working and that doesnt stop these fascist#s like me helping the community garden would be good for the community and probably my mental health in general BUT that doesnt deal with#the actual fear that makes me wanna Kermit#like it really fucking feels like all i can do is pray and hope god somehow intervenes (rapture anyone?) and that things do go well and#that the outright outspoken nzis don't win but like I really just wanna die man#i know the outcome more than likely will not directly affect my life bc im white. cis passing. and can go back in the closet regretfully#but like that doesnt reassure me any bc i have friends and loved ones and generally just give a shit ab other people and how this WILL#affect them directly and that terrifies me. it really feels like we cant ever have a moment to just exist yknow??#idk man i just wanna die bc im so scared haha how fun (: how normal (: this is fine. everything is fine.
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If ur waiting on a reply from me (and i know a couple of folks are rn) thank u for ur patience in waiting. I'm working on typing things up but today is just. idk how to put it but i keep winding up grumpy and my replies i feel are suffering for it. Pls know i do wanna chat and exchange ideas, I'm just trying to make sure the Grumpasaurus Rex side of my brain that's v loud today isn't mucking them up before i send them 🫂🫂❤️❤️
#text post#like it's genuinely nothing just bad takes online some shitty messages in my inbox on here and reddit and not sleeping well at all#attempted a nap i woke up from like tenish minutes ago and it was all a realistic nightmare#in which ct house was somehow connected to nd condo & i kept getting caught on one side or the other at a time#unable to touch or talk to anyone until i was fully on either 'side' for a good while#made the flow of time feel fucked up and i fully expected this to have been a longer nap considering how time felt in there lol#but yeah. I'm trying and im v grateful to y'all waiting for being patient with me. thank u & i promise ill have my shit together soon#(aka might take an edible and just. idek. bake maybe? my brain isn't happy doing anything rn but cookies are always good)#have a potential call with mum later i need to prep for#...worst case scenario i try to nap a bit more and hope i don't wind up stuck in that weird hallway from my dream again#worst bit was the nd cats and my mum and ct cats and Housemate on each side both trying to get me out but couldn't#really don't wanna feel as stuck as i did in this dream but hey!! maybe it's trying to tell me something lmao#not entirely sure what but that's nothing new for me lmao#normally wouldn't post like this for replies but everyone waiting follows me so i figure this reaches everyone easily enough#& hopefully is better/more useful than me going radio silent bc my brain is being a baby abt shit that means nothing lmao
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I never asked for the burden of existence.
#stuff sarah says#i keep thinking about work yesterday#im so sick of worrying about every little thing and the butterfly effect it might create#i hate being perceived and knowing my avtions have unknown consequences#like i just want to vibe and live my life and do what i can to better myself and be happy#but that feels impossible#someone might get upset. someone might get sad#i might unknowingly be contributing harm to the world and others by doing something#how am i supposed to live when im scared people will hate me bc someone else appreciates that im a hard worker?#what am i supposed to do? start being shit at my job? thats also not an option#i miss when i could just do my best and enjoy my hobbies and not worry about people getting upset#i just want to live my life without the overwhelming fear of unforseen consequences#and i know i know my therapist would tell me that im not responsible for how other people react#especially since im not trying to upset people. im not intentionally antagonizing others#but i dont have him to tell me logically correct things anymore so like#and also its fucking bananas that this is ocd#obsession: worrying about others' wellbeing. compulsion: refusing to be happy bc that protects them somehow#people are like but ur room is so messy like karen that is not the only manifestation but okay#i want to scoop the bad bits of my brain out with a melon baller. i think that would do wonders for me
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sometimes these days i think about who I was in 2017, compare them to who I am now. i've come so far, in so many ways, and I can't help but see that person as someone else entirely. They were so helpless, too proud to accept help or even that they needed help. They couldn't cook, couldn't keep a single thing clean - the guy I was dating back then once found a not-quite-empty half gallon of milk ready to explode behind my desk - and they couldn't make it to class, hardly ever. They went to OSU for two semesters, a different major each one because they couldn't decide what to do with themselves, and promptly failed out because they could not make it to class. There's similarities, I was still there under the skin; I've always been a fighter, never willing to give up, but back then I didn't even have a vision of what I wanted. I was just flailing around, determined to keep my head above water and convinced that was the whole end goal of my life.
It's like to that person, nothing better was even imagineable, which is probably why this year has been so surreal. Am I making any sales yet on my stock art? No, lol, I'm not even marketing enough for half my friends to know I'm in the ttrpg sphere professionally, as it turns out. But I'm doing it. I'm doing regular releases, actually keeping to a professional goal - I have a trade name, I'm networking, I've already had one paid project this year. I fought tooth and claw to finally get my degree, and now I have a salaried job. It's not perfect, but I finally fucking figured out what I'm fighting for, and it's not settling for being able to breathe. The last few years I've been so much happier than like... any other time in my life, even while dealing with some seriously crushing medical issues that STILL affect me today, and while I've been sort of confused but not questioning it this whole time, I think this is the root of it.
I'm not trying to go it alone, I'm not accepting anything less than happiness. I'm setting goals based on what will make me happy and satisfied with my life, instead of what I think I can convince life to give me. It's not easy, nothing worthwhile is, but I think I'd actually rather die than go back to who I was back then, wallowing in my circumstances and telling myself it was enough.
#this feels pretentious somehow but im literally just trying to get my thoughts down so whatever#i always feel a little dumb saying shit like 'i clawed my way to where i am' because i do have a pretty privileged background#but it turns out health does not give a shit about that and is an equal opportunity asshole#most people say it and mean theyre fighting society but i mean it like i fought myself and god and won#or at least am winning#very much still fighting the good fight#but i refuse to stand still#i refuse to just let things happen to me if i can do literally anything about it#we keep moving#one foot in front of the other#yelling at the void#also if you're wondering the use of they is very intentional#because honestly part of the divide is that back then i was iding as nb and avoiding thinking about gender any further#i didnt WANT to think about it. i blocked out the idea that i might be anything else for a long time#it was like two years ago now that a fucking. tiktok. shattered that shell#idk im just living more authentically as myself nowadays in like a million ways#and i am so so glad#i dont like... hate my old self or anything though#if anything i pity them#imagine if they had been able to pick themselves up off the ground sooner#what could they have done at OSU? what could they have done with their life?#well. they didn't. so they're me now#and I'm doing this now instead of whatever they'd have done#suddenly understanding the idea that life is a series of ego deaths
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You fucking idiots dont fucking get it. ive been taking care of plants since i was 14. Ive tried FUCKING EVERYTHING. Fungus gnats are just apparently gonna exist around me no matter what i do or try, apparently just like these yerfs who also seem to be breeding like maggots.
#please! non plant experts stfu forever.#please! if you dont take care of a grden or live by a heavily wooded areas and dont have any plants inside too that arent succs-#shut the fuck up forever!!#whatever you're about to suggest! ive fucking tried it!!!#but of course. like the yerfs you are you cant ever take me at my word for my own experiences. its always that yall know whats right always#and never that im actually fucking correct about the shit i talk about. like maybe its just really fucking hard to control their population#did you ever consider that sometimes you have to make sacrifices if you want to take care of something like plants? i have to wake up at 6#in the morning now JUST to keep the squirrels scared away from my planters. bc if i sleep in at all i risk letting my plants die bc of#their bs. unfortunately theres just shit that comes with plants that you have to decide whether or not your love for plants is greater than#whatever bs you might encounter while you take care of them. and unfortunately one of those sacrifices is having to deal with fungus gnats#and bugs in general. yall think its so easy to control bugs in my apartment. im poor. nothing is sealed here.#i had a fucking mosquito infestation. how does that even happen? i dont fucking know! but it did.#ive had a meal moth infestation. how did they get in? they were breeding in a little bag of old food i had for my hermit crabs.#how did they get in and somehow get to that bag all the way in my room? WHO FUCKIN KNOWS! I SUSPECT THOUGH ITS BC IM FUCKIN POOR#AND THIS SHIT AINT SEALED IN HERE WELL ENOUGH. i have bug problems all the time.#and you're gonna tell me its just suddenly so easy to get rid of gnats.#this is why ik none of yall *actually* take care of plants. like actually truly. outside of what. your succulents and the one palm you have#im really happy that you have plants you can deprive of water for a few days but i have marsh plants! i have swamp plants! I CANT deprive#them of moisture acrually! so its really not that fucking easy to get eid of the fucking gnats! i feel like i should have to fucking#explain this. if you actually took care of plants forreal forreal you would know they are just not fucking easy to get rid of.#but naw. im trans. so that means i never know what im talking about about anything or whatever and yall gotta act paternalistic about#everything i do. meanwhile im sitting over here ripping out my hair about how dumb and juvenile YALL are bc ik for a gotdamn fact if any of#yall ugly fucks ACTUALLY took care of plants outside of the ornamental ones you have this wouldnt be a discussion.#but naw ya saw a jokey post of mine about how i felt defeated in my ability to get rid of the gnats and decided i wasnt actually trying#bc for some reason yall gotta assume that no trans person actually just knows wtf theyre talking about literally on anything.#anyways i hope yall get plagued by gnats forever and all your planrs die from them devouring the roots.#its like yall are new souls coming in acting like you're an old soul and im the actual old soul tryna tell you what it is but yall are just#*so convinced* you're right because everyone says im the crazy old man on the corner so that means i dont know anything or some#dumb reasoning like that. like idk maybe this old man has seen some shit and knows some shit but sure im sure yall little asses know wrf#ur talking about. totally.
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in my mind there r two majors spheres of interest ive accumulated over the last several years. one of them consists of cartoons & lighthearted comedic media, bright primary colors, clowns, rubber ducks, toys, etc and the other one consists of horror, red black and silver things, violent crime fiction, gore, symbolic cannibalism etc. and my brain wants to connect them SO bad but the only connection it allows is to get rly excited over the fact that bugs bunny is in skinamarink
#also horror clowns as a connection is NOT acceptable for me for some reason i just fucking hate horror clowns#like i dont find them scary i jus hate them n think they r lame. get that blood off that clown doll little guy needs a bath what r u doing#i feel a bit self conscious abt the 'edgy' stuff i like sometimes bcz i feel ppl might see as like. cringe#like woah edgelord over here sure likes weird dark stuff like the pg-13 anime death note and the most popular fictional cannibal of all tim#but then i realize how inherently funny it is that a guy who feels literally no shame whatsoever abt playing w wind-up toys and clown makeu#would b embarrassed to tell ppl that he likes silence of the lambs an shit#like somehow THATS the thing thats gonna make ppl think im lame an immature. like. girl. b urself or dont what is this#also if u dont know what im talking abt im talking abt how prest-o chang-o plays on the tv#an influences the demon/monster things actions bcz it copies proto-bugs#an yea ik he hasnt made his official debut yet but i mean ben hardaway had already drawn that guy. that's Bugs' Bunny. directed by chuck jo#ok no more#should i have a rambles tag#charlie words#hows that
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