#i feel so fucking miserable all the time what's the fucking point

[acrosstheunivcrse]

taking care (peter maximoff x reader)

cw: smut, afab reader, peter is kind of pathetic

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it had been a week since the battle with apocalypse, which had left your favourite speedster boyfriend in a full leg cast. mostly bed-bound for the first time in his life, he was miserable; except, of course, for the fact that he had an excuse to have you dote on him like he was a sick puppy.

you spent your days in bed with him, watching bad horror flicks as you took care of his every need. endless snacks? got it. getting him everything and anything he needed? of course.

you cared for him with such fierce concern and love, and he secretly found it to be the hottest thing in the world. something about the doting and being cared for so much turned him on immensely, and all he wanted was to give back; it killed him to not be able to fuck you like he so desperately wanted.

one afternoon, you were doodling on his cast as you often did, drawing a little pac-man machine in marker. he grinned down at you as he watched you work, paying attention to all the little details. but he just couldn’t help but notice the way your back arched as you leaned down, hips in the air as you drew. fuck, he couldn’t help but be reminded all-the-more of how badly he wished he could grip those same hips as he rutted into you.

“babe?” he spoke softly, reaching down to run a hand through your hair. you dropped your marker in an instant, looking up at him with with concerned, doe-like eyes.

“do you need something, honey?” you spoke in a quick tone, moving up to sit next to him, on your knees. he pulled you onto his lap, hand settling onto your hip as his fingers dug into the flesh.

“nah, but i think you do.” he grinned as his hand moved to reach down into your shorts, fingers grazing the waistband of your panties. you gasped at the feeling, eyes fluttering shut.

“peter, you really don’t have to-“ he quickly shut you up, leaning forward and capturing your lips with his as his fingers trailed farther down, pressing into your clothed heat.

“i want to. don’t you want me to have what i want? it’ll make me feel better. and that’s the name of the game, isn’t it?” he grinned as he pulled back, leaning against his headboard. his fingers pushed your panties aside, dragging your wetness through your folds. you threw your head back at the feeling, biting your lip to stifle your moans.

peter let two fingers slip inside you, his other hand squeezing your hip as he listened to you moan at the feeling. he moved his hand slowly, drinking in every sound you made for him. because of him.

"that's it, gorgeous." he mumbled, his lips moving to your neck as he sucked dark hickeys into your soft skin. he moved his good leg to gently grind against you, as his fingers continued to move agonizingly slow. he was so, so hard as he watched you above him.

“peter..” you gasped as he gradually sped up, making you clench around his fingers. he groaned at the feeling, feeling your pleasure as if it was his own.

“you take such good care of me, babe..” he mumbled, watching as he pushed his fingers particularity deep, curling them in as he watched you crumble. “always so sweet to me, yeah? makes me wanna take care of you, too.” he bit his lip, pressing his thumb to your clit as he kept finger-fucking you, sending vibrations through your body.

you braced a hand against his lower stomach, struggling to stay upright as he brought you closer to falling apart. he groaned at your touch, embarrassingly almost feeling close himself; between the sight of you in a haze of pleasure all for him, and the friction of his own pants against his pulsing length, he was struggling. in fairness, a week without sex , for peter, was a lifetime.

“you sound so pretty… wanna feel you come for me.” he nearly begged you, fingers moving inhumanly fast at this point as his thumb continued to vibrate, moving in small circles around your clit. you couldn’t hold back a second longer; and after all, he’d asked so nicely.

he watched you fell apart completely, eyebrows furrowed as he felt you clench around his fingers, writhing as you moaned his name. in your ecstasy, you reached for anything to stabilize you, accidentally pressing your hand against his dick.

oh fuck, oh fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck don’t do that-

pathetically, that was all it took. he groaned as he came in his pants, too overwhelmed by everything to stop himself. you pulled back slightly, out of breath. you felt his spend leak through the fabric of his pants, just now tuning into what had occurred.

“peter, did- did you just-“ he nodded, looking down to the side in slight shame as he slowly pulled his fingers from you.

“sorry, babe. it’s been ages, okay? y’can’t blame me.”

“it’s been a week.”

[inmyheaddd]

meet me in the afterglow - averyjameson

a/n: this may be my fav averyjameson fic i’ve written 😕 wc: 1.7k warnings: swearing, our fav parents fighting 💔, angst but v fluffy ending i promise!! masterlist

avery sat in her room alone, reading a book to keep herself busy, but she wasn’t actually taking in a single word. 

she usually enjoyed the coldness of her room, but now it was just a bleak reminder that the one person who always radiated warmth and sent jolts through her with his touch wasn’t there with her.

and the worst part, was that it was her fault.

“what do you want me to do, heiress? act like i have it all figured out?” jameson’s voice grew louder, “well i don’t, i can’t just—”

“—just what?” she shot back, “jameson, i never asked you to act or pretend. i don’t need perfect, i don’t even want it. i need real.” her volume began to match his, even though she hated fighting with all her being. 

the moments from last night played on repeat in her mind like a broken record player she couldn’t stop. she chewed on her bottom lip, and before she knew it, her eyes began to sting. 

she wondered what jameson was doing now —drinking? driving at speeds far too high? blacked out? with his brothers? feeling nothing? feeling everything? whatever, she didn’t care. she didn’t care. 

“i need you to stop acting like nothing matters every time things get hard!”

“oh, so staying silent how you do is any better? fuck, avery, i hate to break it to you, but this is the “real” me. as real as it fucking gets.” he said through a force chuckle, letting go of the nickname and using her name instead. “if thats too much for you, or— or, or not enough for you, maybe you should just walk away.“ 

without realizing, another tear fell onto the page on her book, and it was like the boiling point for her. 

slamming the book shut and chucking it across her room, her hands came to cover her face as she sobbed, and she brought her knees up to her chest. 

she was muffling her sobs like she’d gotten so used to doing when she was growing up, so no one would hear her, but there was no one there to hear her now anyway. 

he took a step back, running a hand through his hair frustratedly as avery blinked back angry tears. “jameson, don’t even say that to me.” her voice quivered, but she wouldn’t let a tear drop. “don’t you dare look for the easy way out. you’re a hawthorne, aren’t you? the easiest answer is never the right one — you’re the one that told me that.” 

she trudged her way out of her room to the kitchen, after angrily wiping at her tears and staring at her reflection for far too long. 

she revised over all the things she would say to jameson when she saw him again, how sorry she was, how she never meant any of it, how she was so out of her mind.

jameson laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “avery, none of this is easy." his eyes met hers, his voice colder than she’d ever heard it. “you want someone i can’t be. you want a version of me that doesn’t exist. i can’t change myself no matter how hard i try, and believe me — i have.”

her throat began to tighten as she struggled to keep her composure. “jameson, no. i want you—whatever flaws you think you have and all.” she exclaimed, the next part coming out much quieter than she intended. “but you…” she trailed off, “you don’t even trust me with all of that. why can’t you understand that i love you for who you are? i want to work for us. i know we aren’t perfect, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t something worth trying for.” 

“heiress,” he paused, “trying isn’t working anymore. down the line we’ll both be miserable and you’ll say nothing until we have one of these bursting screaming matches like this again. you don’t deserve it. it’s not worth it.”

it’s not worth it. they weren’t worth it. she wasn’t worth it.

avery swirled the glass of water she filled up as she leaned against the counter, dim low lighting filling the empty kitchen. the freezing water made her feel as cold on the inside as she was outside. 

she finished her glass and made her way out of the kitchen, making a turn to get to the stairs, only to stop in her tracks and stagger back. 

her eyes met familiar green ones with slight bags under them, and an unruly bed of hair that usually looked a little tidier. 

avery was at a loss for words, jameson hawthorne, standing infront of her, giving up because things got too hard?

she scoffed, but she sounded more dejected than she did angry. “fine then. don’t try anymore.” she swallowed, taking in the way jameson’s brows softened and a flash of something passed through his eyes, though she couldn’t quite place it. regret? anger? satisfaction? 

she let her eyes do the talking for a moment before speaking. “you are the most selfish person i’ve ever met.” she added with purpose, every word like a dagger to him. she didn’t wait for anything he had to say, turning on her heels with one last look and walking out of the room. 

jameson called out for her, but she kept walking. her heart beat faster than it ever had before and it was like every inch of her body wanted to turn around and collapse in his arms. 

—to apologize for everything she did and didn’t do, to look into his eyes and see that glitter of love in them, for him to kiss the tears off of her and simply be there.

unfortunately for avery kylie grambs, she didn’t always get what she wanted, and she kept walking forwards. 

avery felt like she had the wind knocked out of her as jameson stood infront of her, breathing heavily as he looked equally as surprised to have found her.

every rehearsed line and practiced speech she had left her mind in that moment. the only thing that rang through it was his name. “jameson,” she said, almost whispering. 

“heiress, wait.” he said, reaching an arm out to stop her leaving— he couldn’t let her go. she wasn’t going to anyway, she felt frozen in place. she also didn’t want to leave.

“i, i don’t know what to say, jameson, i’m so sorry.” she said with a light shake of her head, “i was so out of line last night, and i shouldn’t have—“

he cut her off, “no, avery, let me just say this, please.” he said with pleading eyes. “i think i should be institutionalized with the way i felt like i’ve lost my mind without you. i know i lost my mind last night, that’s for sure.” 

he chuckled nervously, and avery knew jameson hawthorne never got nervous. “avery, you are worth every single thing on this goddamn planet— in the whole universe. i don’t think i could begin to conceptualize a life without you in it. what i said last night? i lied.“ 

he took a deep, shuddering breath in. “i said i couldn’t change for you, but i know that’s not true, because i have— before my own eyes. every waking day i spend with you makes me want to become better, for you, heiress.” 

avery felt her eyes begin to prick with tears once again, but she didn’t feel a single drop of hurt in her body now. “i’ve never felt so deeply devoted and in love with anything in my life before, and that scares me. it scares me in a way nothing has before because i know it’s so real. but im not letting my fears get in the way, not anymore.” 

jameson’s chest heaved as he looked down at avery, “heiress. you don’t have to say anything.” he said upon seeing her glossy eyes.

there was nothing she could say anyway to express the complete enamored feeling she felt when she looked at him, to express how much she loved him. 

she wrapped her arms around his neck tightly, as his arms wrapped around her middle like if he held any looser she would disappear, his head dropping down to her neck.

“i’m so sorry,” avery sobbed into his shoulder, “i love you so much. i’m so in love with you. i couldn’t ever imagine losing what we have.” 

“you won’t ever have to, heiress. i’m staying forever.” he mumbled, as one of his hands came to run through her hair. when she didn’t respond, and he heard her muffled hiccups, he spoke once again. “heiress,” he he lifted his head, his voice low and almost musical. “don’t get all sappy on me now, i much prefer that smile of yours.” 

she sniffled as she let out a little laugh, pulling back from the hug and wiping away at her tears. “shut up.” 

jameson’s smile only grew at the sound of her laugh, and her now slightly red eyes met his. her smile faded for a second before she spoke again, remembering the events that had just happened the day before. 

“jameson, i— you have no idea how sorry i am.” her brows slightly furrowed as she shook her head, echoing her words for earlier.  

he chuckled, reaching his hands out to grab hers, “yeah? i think if you repeat it one more time, i’ll have a pretty good idea.” 

“stop it,” she laughed, “im being serious.” 

“so am i. you don’t have to apologize.” 

“i do, though. and i’m sorry,” 

“if you say you’re sorry once more, i may have to consider bringing you to rehab for people pleasers.” 

“jameson,” avery breathed out through a chuckle, “i just wanted you to know.”

“heiress, i know.” he nodded with a small grin as he brought her closer, and she let go of his hands and brought them to his chest. 

his eyes flickered over her whole face, frequenting back to her lips and eyes, and there was that glitter of love in his that she loved so much.  

“can i kiss you now?” he mumbled.

“you don’t even have to ask.” her voice was barely audible in the small space between them.

he hummed in disagreement as he leaned in, his lips barely touching hers. the mere act made avery feel like she was buzzing alive as her breath caught in her throat. it would never get old.

“i like hearing you want me, like how i want you.” he whispered against her lips, before finally pressing a kiss to them, and they quickly found their rhythm against eachother. 

his hands moved to cradle her face, like he needed her as close to him as humanly possible, his brows knotting deeply as he kissed her.

jameson pulled back ever so slightly, his forehead resting against hers as they both caught their breath. 

his thumb brushed gently across her cheek as he looked at her, his heart leaping at the sight of the her smile.

"see," he murmured, his voice soft, "much better than the sappy stuff."

avery let out a small laugh, feeling light on her toes. she looked into his eyes, feeling the love pouring out of them. “everything is better with you.”  

taglist: @x-liv25-jamieswife @wish-i-were-heather @thecircularlibrary @whatsamongus @sweetlikeanangel

@littlemissmentallyunstable @anintellectualintellectual @tornqdowarnings @maybxlle @sheisntyou

@emelia07 @midiosaamor @sweetreveriee — if you’d like to be added or removed lmk!

[chaifootsteps]

was reading this: https://www.tumblr.com/fantasywater/761286441867313152/a-curiosity-about-stolass-love-for-blitz

and though I wouldn't word it entirely the same way as OP, they've got a point. we're supposed to think that Stolas has found a new lease on life after meeting Blitz, but from what we're shown on screen that isn't true at all and he's still the exact same person (if anything he's worse since he hasn't meaningfully changed at all and is in denial about all his own flaws and how he's hurt both Blitz and Via)

He's still drinking himself into blackouts and pretty obviously not taking his medication properly or regularly if he eats a fistful in one episode and runs out unexpectedly in another. He's still miserable most of the time. He can't make friends because he lacks the ability to form any real connections with anyone (or to be kind enough to make them want to put up with his self pitying behavior)

I tend to reflexively dislike comparisons between Blitz and Stella because it implies Blitz is abusive (which he's not, that's Stolas) but it's clear that Stolas responds to difficulties in his relationships with them in the exact same way. He self medicates with booze or pills, usually after either a serious self-pity session or snapping back at them, or both. He doesn't talk to them about their feelings, just grandstands about his own

And they are superficially similar. They respond to things that hurt them in a fiery way - they don't take shit lying down like Stolas does. As OP pointed out, Blitz struggles with illiteracy - the same thing Stolas mocked Stella for.

the only positive difference that I can see is that Stolas enjoys the sex with Blitzo a lot more than with Stella - and that's a benefit only Stolas is enjoying. we don't really have the evidence to say that Blitzo enjoys sex with Stolas more than he has any other partner he's had who was decent in bed - he responds to Stolas with revulsion, then disinterest, then resignation, then him being horny just because Stolas is convenient and they were having a meetup anyway, then finally anxious codependency and trauma bonding post break up. We never see genuine affection from him

this show doesn't seem to understand relationships need more than a functional sex life to work properly. because if you take that out of the equation, it just looks like Stolas hasn't escaped the pattern of conflict in his marriage at all

all he's done is replace a partner who is closer to his social standing with one who is far beneath it, in order to give himself all the power and leverage. and he does it without acknowledging that consciously or not, that is definitely the case.

the darkest possible reading here is that Stolas unconsciously wanted someone who was on the surface similar to Stella - less educated than him, will fight back and snap if provoked - so that he could recreate the relationship dynamic wherein he is the victim who isn't being given enough love even though he's trying oh-so-hard to make things work and they just aren't appreciating him enough. and it indicates a perpetuation of the cycles of abuse - if you take the reading that Stella didn't care about Stolas' feelings while they were trying to conceive, Stolas is now doing that exact thing to Blitzo during sex with a bucketload of classism on top

Got to say, Anon, it's spooky how plausible that darkest possible reading is. Whether Stolas does the things he does consciously or not, it's insane that anyone can look at all of this and not at least acknowledge the possibility that people might find it fucked up.

[miraclemaya]

.

[justalittlebluetiefling]

I haven't been involved with coaching for almost 3 months now and somehow I am still getting dragged into the drama.

[famewolf]

feeling a little burnt out tbh so I think I'm going to just try and relax as much as humanly possible to avoid crashing and burning like I usually do this time of year lmao

[marc--chilton]

still losing my mind at the way houses relationship with john would have fucked up the way he sees being an omega. just,,, teen house, young and confused, experiencing these absoloutely brutal heats. not understanding why they are so bad and hard when theyre supposed to be a time where an omega feels good. already feeling broken and wrong, and then having to face john's anger and disappointment over him being an omega

like i can only imagine how it would affect him in heat, a time where he would be less able to think coherently. and constantly remembering how traumatic and horrible his heats as a teen were, the memory making him feel bad and in turn making him feel physically worse. just like,,, a constant feedback loop of remembering and feeling bad -> feeling physically worse in turn -> reminding himself even more of his childhood and feeling worse

i feel like after having to deal with his first few heats without a strong family net to acclimate to the changes, once house is outta there and doing his own thing he tries to never deal with his heats alone. he marks his cycle religiously, makes deals with alphas in med school to help him through them, or even finds street suppressants if he's especially desperate.

man. you just know john has put him outside for some of his heats, too. nothing to nest with, no scent blocking patches, just left him in the yard like a sacrificial lamb. it goes without saying how dangerous that is.

hell, once he's employed i wouldn't be surprised if he stole something from the hospital to bring home in case a heat comes up that he can't deal with, something that'll knock him out for the worst of it.

[possiblytracker]

coughs loudly. scheduling this post for slightly later today so i have time to get lunch and not chicken out before it goes up

firstly i gotta apologise for dropping off the face of the earth. in hindsight it was creeping up on me for a long time I just didn't think anything of it/had enough stuff going on to ignore it for a while, but ive been wrestling with pretty abysmal mental health that just kinda hit me like a truck back in august. i wont get too much into it but things just ground to a halt and in the span of a week or so it legitimately felt like i stopped being a Person- i just stagnated, felt like i lost the ability and will to do anything or enjoy things or create like i used to, all my energy went into keeping it together in front of my family, and it made me way too anxious and ashamed and guilty to want to show my face. like who would want to put up with my stupid bullshit, right (wrong! that idea just made me unbelievably worse and i regret it extremely, but my anxiety was going extremely unchecked at this time). i don't think i've ever been that depressed before and i didn't at all know how to handle it or begin to claw my way out

fortunately, a combination of getting exercise + touching grass regularly and new enrichment/hyperfixations to latch onto like an orphaned duckling are very recently kicking some life back into me so to speak. who wouldve thought. and now where i used to still feel stomach-turning dread and paranoia thinking about getting back on tumblr and discord a week or two ago, it finally feels like i can handle dipping my toes back in. i'm making this post first bc i know most of my friends will see it, and that feels less taxing than explaining myself a bunch of different times over and over and dragging it out, but ofc i will try and get back into conversation when and as i can (askbox and discord is still best to reach me if you wanted). i'm just really sorry, and I hope you can forgive me, for making you worry or otherwise

i'm not sure what to do from here (i'm considering maybe moving main blogs to a clean slate eventually? this one will still be here i couldnt bear to get rid of it, i've just had it since i was 16 there's Baggage attached) but i'll be trying to ease my way back into relative normalcy before doing anything big ofc. in the meantime i will be vaguely floating around here again. see you around and thank you for your time..

[dreamlogic]

2024 year of charlie gets a fucking break (hopefully. maybe. tbd.)

[angelstrawbabie420]

i got such shit sleep bc of that wild ass dream/nightmare and now im all foggy and hazy but not in a fun way and i have shit to do i hate it

[cavity-collector]

i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit

[squishe]

im getting tired of feeling this sad and alone all the time. i literally cant even actually talk about it to anyone bc im pathetic as fuck for still crying over this in the first place. who wants to hear the broken mutt cry over being left behind every single day until it feels less alone anyways

[umilily]

I've been trying to get this fucking degree for 7 years, suffering basically nonstop, taking part in all my classes, even taking extra ones, I think at this point I more than deserve them just giving me my bachelor's. I've done ENOUGH.

[cetoddle-archive]

okay. i was just standing there talking to my mom and out of nowhere she goes 'what's wrong with you why are you breaking out so much?' how fucking rude can you be good god

[belladonnafleur]

🌸

[opens-up-4-nobody]

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