#i gotta stop making promises to myself tho. if i have time then i have time. if not then oh well!

[kenmaiii]

-w- he is just so cute 🐚🐚🐚

[hoshigray]

Now look here, it's sugardaddy! x sugar baby! reader time >>:3 So here's the rundown: the reader is a college senior who works part-time in a diner and finds out that their favorite customer, Toji, is a sugar daddy and wants to initiate courtship. Although it is a proposition you fail to see yourself saying no to, is this something you can see yourself being in the long run?

A/n: This prompt was picked on a poll to celebrate getting over 50 followers, only for me to get to 100 right after!!?? Y'all...can I give you a hug? ;w; No, oh okay. Anyways, I won't make another poll, BUT I'll be opening thirsts/requests soon!! >:D I just gotta make myself a disclaimer list before we let those lil fantasies of yours fly, lol. But yeah, this is my first time posting a fic over 1k+, so I hope y'all like it. Also, bonus: there's art drawn by Moi (@hoshigaby)?? You'll have to scroll down to find it tho :33 Okay, I'm sorry, go ahead and read!!!

Cw: soft dom! Toji x fem! reader - implied age gap (the reader is in their early 20s, Toji's around early or mid-30s) - mating press - cervix fucking - oral (fem! receiving) - pussy drunk Toji - breeding - daddy kink - overstimulation (fem! receiving) - pet names (baby, babygirl, darlin', good girl, honey, kid/kiddo, mama, princess, sweetie, sweetheart) - praise - clitoral play (Toji pinches your clit) - reader isn't a virgin but, it's the first time you and Toji have sex.

Wc: 4.9k

"Oh look, your favorite is here."

10 o'clock, it's closing time. All the servers and bussers are ready to buss down tables and sweep the floors, hosts at the front split up tips and head straight home, and the cooks clean the kitchen and throw out the trash. All there's left is the silence of the dining area, where not a single customer is in sight.

Well, minus the one Utahime points out to you.

You turn to the bar area, where almost all the tables are empty, and all the high-rise televisions are turned off. All but for one, which was showing a football game.

A man is watching the screen, sitting in a booth at the far end with a glass of beer on the table. He's wearing a black turtleneck covered with a denim jacket, white fur on the collar, and a silver chain contrasting the black clothing. You gaze downwards to his black jeans pants, where his left foot seems to be tapping the ground. He's waiting for someone.

Once his eyes catch your approaching figure, his deadpanned face shows a smile in recognition. He was waiting for you.

And you smile back as you walk towards him.

The familiarity with this man comes from a year working at the diner. His name is Toji Fushiguro, and he's been a regular even before you started working here. And to make things funnier, he was the first customer you served after a week and a half of training. You can recall when you accidentally put milk and sugar in his specifically requested black coffee, to which you apologized profusely ("Heh, it's alright, darlin'" He flashed a smile that was meant to reassure you. "The first time that's ever happened to me.").

It was there that you found yourself being the only person that's served him. At first, you thought of it as some sort of joke after the coffee mishap, but now, unless you're there to take his order, he'll only have a beer or black coffee with all the other servers. The crew often pokes fun at you, stating you're the older man's favorite. And you gotta admit, it makes your heart swoon knowing this is true.

"There she is," Toji watches you approach him with his foot finally stopped tapping the checkered floor beneath him. "My adorable lil' server."

You giggle as you sit on the cushioned booth seat across from him. "It's good to see you, Mr. Fushiguro. I hope life's been good for you." You wave goodbye to the guy behind the bar counter, who turns off the TV still on as Toji focuses on something else. You promised to be the last person to turn off the lights and lock the doors before leaving, so now it's just you and Toji.

"I thought I told you to drop the Mr. Fushiguro, kid." He reprimands you with his playful smile, the right corner of his lip quirking his scar upward. "And I could ask you the same thing. How's college goin', darlin'?"

An exaggerated sigh leaves your system. "It's going alright. Can't believe I'm about to be done after the next semester, but the senioritis hasn't hit me too strong yet, thank God. And I can't wait to graduate with all this debt on my back~!" You flash the fakest beaming smile with two thumbs up.

Toji chuckles at your fraud enthusiasm. "Mmmm, I bet. But I know you're smarter than me and most people who work for me, so I'm sure you'll do just fine."

"Yeah, I'd like to think so, too." Your chipper attitude dwindles, and Toji notices the change in tone.

"What's up? You don't think you'll get yourself a job?"

"Umm, well," You cough to clear your throat from awkwardness. "I tried signing up for plenty of internships. Some of them shut me down, others just haven't replied back. And I guess it's just me overthinking, but I worry that I won't get a job in something I like..."

"Aww, princess," Toji rises from his cushioned spot to move to your side, sitting close to you with his big jean-covered thigh brushing yours. He places a hand on your back to rub comforting circles. "That's just the thoughts in your head."

You groan into your hands. "I know, that's why I don't know why I'm beating myself up about it so much... But it's okay! I know I'll be fine because I still have this job keeping me going for a year."

Toji raises a brow. "You wanna be a server all your life? Wanna serve me my black coffee and BLT sandwich til my last breath?"

You hit his chest in amusement. "Well, no, but if it comes down to it, I don't mind. I'll just take up more jobs or maybe make a side hustle. Either way, I know Mei Mei will help me out. I'm sure everyone here will if they have the chance."

"I could also help you."

Your hands instantly go up defensively. "No, Mr. Fushiguro, I wouldn't want that! I'm sure you're pretty busy, and I don't want my troubles to burden you."

Toji's eyebrows knit together, his sharp eyes surveying your defensive stance. "It wouldn't be trouble if I'm the one offerin' to help you, honey."

"Yes, but even so..." You look at your lap as your fingers dance with each other to ease your anxiousness. "It would feel unbefitting to have a customer — a valuable one such as you — to help me with my financial problems. Seeing you smile at me when I serve you your coffee...I'm perfectly content with just."

Your gaze locks into your fidgety fingers, saying the last part was probably unnecessary. Yet it was true; Toji had always been patient with you whenever he stopped by, even going the extra mile by giving you a seriously generous tip after his meals. You know you didn't deserve it, but he's already at the door before you can argue with him. If his gracious action was just a mere small percent of what he could do, then he's done plenty for you than needed.

Toji, however, didn't see it that way. He hums as he leans back onto the booth seat, his hand now snaking to the back of your neck, his thumb caressing the nook of your neck and trapezius.

"Well," He breaks the silence, you're listening. "What if we take this outside of customer service?"

The brows are pulled together as you turn to him in slight confusion. "What do you mean by that?"

"I've been thinking for quite a while," with his hand maneuvering to rest on your shoulder, he sighs and straightens himself up. "Your manager, Mei Mei, right? I talked with her not too long ago, telling her how much of a hard worker you are and how even while still in school and suffering with assignments, you still smile and make sure the customers enjoy their time here."

You give him a thanks, and he continues on. "Which is why I told her about what I wanna do. So here's my proposition: I'll pay for everything for you. Your debt, bills, clothes, whatever it is your pretty lil' head is worryin' 'bout."

Toji's promise does sound comforting to the ears, but you think about your part in all this. "So, do I have to work for you?"

He chuckles. "No, baby, not working fr' me. But there is something I want you to do."

"Yes?"

Toji doesn't give you a clear answer, staring at your face with a soft smile. You wonder why he's being odd until his face leans forward, and the hand on your shoulder pushes you into a kiss. You let out a yelp into his mouth, but the shock diminishes once you succumb to his warm, intoxicating lips. He tastes like beer, definitely from his drink.

He removes his lips from you, and you faintly exhale in an unsteady breath. "Mmmm, yer too much fr' me, sweetie." Toji groans and kisses down your neck while you place a hand on his chest to grip his turtleneck for support before you dissolve into his arms. And although you shouldn't be at your work at this time of night doing this, it felt too good to end.

"I want you to be with me," Toji says in-between smooches on your neck, moving to paint the other side with his pecks. "You're so good to me, darlin', always being such a good girl." He nibbles on your clavicle, and a soft gasp rewards his eardrums. "Lemme take care of you, y/n."

All that's going through your head is the feeling of his lips on your body and the arousing throbbing sense happening in your nether core.

"Hmm, whaddya say, baby?" His lips are too close to your ear as he playfully bites the lobe. Your thighs rub against one another, and you know there's a wet spot in your panties. "Gonna be my perfect girl?"

If you don't give him an answer quick, you're bound to melt right on this seat, and being a whimpering mess to his touch is embarrassing enough.

"Haaaah...Y-yes," You finally answer in weak whispers, mind spinning and eyes glossy. "I wanna—Ahaaa...I wanna be yours."

You can feel Toji's lips curl into a smile. He lifts his head to look at you, and a hand comes up to cup your face before he gives you a soft kiss on your quivering lips.

"My good girl."

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A few months have passed since you and Toji formed this new relationship. And getting used to certain things is still a challenge.

For one: covering up your new lifestyle is never easy when you're out with people you know. During winter break, you went to dinner with your friends and offered to pay for the whole table. They looked at you as if you were talking nonsense ("Girl, where the hell you get that kind of money to be covering for all of us?" "For real, is this the same diner you've been working at? Are they hiring?").

Another thing that wasn't easy to get accustomed to was Toji spoiling you. Since you're a college student, Toji only sees you every other weekend when he has time. During those days, Toji doesn't hold back in showering you with gifts and affection. Between the fancy dates in expensive restaurants, riding rides at fun amusement parks, or the bags of new clothes you bring back to your dorm, it was something you didn't expect to happen so quickly. Your roommates constantly tease you about this "mystery man" who makes it known you're his special lady.

But outside of that, the most significant change was you and Toji. To say you two got closer was too easy to put into words. Sure, the money was there, so you could finally get a good night's rest without worrying too much about your school debt or bills. However, you knew this went beyond the dollar bills and the fancy clothes.

Come to find out, Toji knows and remembers things that amaze you. There was a time he bought you a whole wardrobe worth of dresses because he remembered you had to cancel dates with your friends since you had nothing cute to wear. Or the time he got you a box of your favorite teas, even though you briefly mentioned them to him during a talk way back from recollection.

And even away from the materialistic things, you can feel how much Toji loves you. You can feel it in his eyes whenever he's looking at you. You can feel it when you try to argue yourself out of trying an outfit you don't think will be good on you, but Toji coaxes you into it because he knows — not thinks, knows you'll look good wearing it. You can feel it in his hands when they hold yours, when he places a hand on your thigh and rubs it in loving warmth, or when he caresses your cheek when he kisses you goodbye when you two have to return to your own lives.

It's a type of love you didn't see yourself being on the other end of. The more immersed you are, the harder it is to imagine yourself out of it.

Spring break is now upon us, and Toji has invited you to join him overseas for a business trip. You tried to decline, saying it's his trip and you don't want to intrude on his business. That argument was immediately shut down ("Tch, believe me, sweetheart, you're saving me from bashing someone's head in if you're close to me than not. Plus, I wanna see you wear that cute swimsuit I got you."), so he dragged you on his private jet, and now we're here.

During the day is when he's away for work, so you spend the morning either in the penthouse suite you two are staying in, outside taking pictures to show Toji later or looking around at the little shops nearby. Toji is done with work around the early afternoon, so you two spend time together exploring the country, trying new foods, and taking walks around the area while talking about how your day went until the sun goes down.

Everything goes well until Thursday when Toji texts you saying something happened at work and that he'd be at the suite later than usual. Well, it's 7:45, the sun is starting to go down, and Toji is still nowhere in sight. I hope everything is alright on his end.

You're unsure about going outside for a walk on the off-chance you stay out too late. And if something happens to you while Toji isn't close by, that'll give him more to worry about on his plate, and you definitely don't want that for him.

So, you look around the penthouse to see if there's anything to keep you occupied until Toji's return, and then what catches your eye is the swimming pool outside on the terrace which you haven't tried yet. That'll do!

You go to change into a swimsuit, a cute two-piece that Toji bought for you when you two went shopping together. After a quick shower, you enter the pool and enjoy the calm waters while watching the sunset, leaving a beautiful array of colors painting the sky over you.

Tomorrow is your last day here while Toji will do business, and then you're back to school on Monday. The fact that you'll be graduating debt free still blows your mind. Toji really fulfilled his promise and took care of your worries.

Is that to say that your relationship ends once you touch that diploma?

You lift your feet and lay on your back to allow the water to hold you up, ears covered in the water and face looking into the sky as you're lost in your thoughts.

It wouldn't be too far off if Toji wanted to close this whole thing off when you graduate, as the point was for you to not worry about debt and such. That much you understood from the very beginning. But what happens after that? Do you two just go back to being acquaintances that only meet at the diner? And what about the stuff he got you? Do they stay with you forever? And do you have to fight memories of him every time you see them?

What about all the touches, all the hand-holding, all the cuddles, and all the kisses? Are they supposed to mean nothing to you the next time you see his face?

You're thankful for the water keeping you afloat in the pool, but having these thoughts attack your brain just makes you want to sink in loathing.

Until you feel something tickle your feet, having your body react in a state of panic. No longer floating on your back, you search for whatever is torturing your feet. Only to find Toji in front of you wearing black trunks, he chuckles lowly, and your heart sinks in embarrassment.

"T-Toji," You swim up to greet him. "How long were you back from work?"

"For about 10 minutes," He watches you move through the water, following you to sit in the shallow part of the pool for you two to talk. "I saw you in the pool and thought I'd join. I tried callin' out to ya, but the water was blocking your ears."

"Hehe, sorry about that. I was thinking about something. How was work?"

His face went into a deep scowl with rolled eyes, and you giggle at his nonverbal response. "Had I not known I was comin' back here to see you, I'd probably fucked that rookie up."

"That bad?"

He hums and brings you closer to him with his hand on your shoulder. "But don't worry 'bout it. And you? What were you thinking about?"

"Hmm? Oh, it was nothing," your encouraging response is fictitious.

Toji lowers a brow. "Try again."

"No, honest! It was nothing, Toji."

"Don't make me tickle you again, kiddo." You freeze and look at his face. His sharp gaze and slight grin speak for themselves about his seriousness.

A sigh is withdraw from your lips. "I was just thinking about how I'd be leaving on Saturday and being halfway done with my senior year of college."

"And?"

"And, uhh," You gulp and avert your eyes to your lap, your fingers swaying with the pool water. "I was also thinking about me... and you?"

There's silence, the lack of response eating you alive. Then you feel Toji's hand grip your shoulder.

"Are you scared I won't be with you after you graduate?"

He hit the nail because you don't answer for a few seconds. Your eyes still avoid him.

But Toji still persists. "Do you not want to be with me?"

Your head turns to face him in haste, taking you aback at how fast you were. "No! I don't want this to end. I'm grateful for how close you and I have become. I want... I want..." You fall silent once more as your head moves back to your lap as if you'd find the words you want to express lying there.

Using his free hand, Toji grabs your chin to look his way again. "What do you want, baby? Use your words fr' me."

The intense gaze of his jade-green eyes captures your attention, practically daring you to look away from him. The warmth of your cheeks spreads around your face, and you gulp before answering.

"I really appreciate all that you've done for me. And I...I really like you, Toji. I want to be with you." His face doesn't change as you ramble on, causing you to move your eyes to avoid the awkward stare. "But I wouldn't blame you if you want to stop with where we—"

Your sentence was interrupted by Toji's kiss, and a squeak was suppressed between the two lips. You exhale in bliss as your hands find purchase on his solid chest. He deepens the kiss when his hand is posted at the back of your neck.

You break the kiss to breathe, Toji's gruff chuckles fills the warm air.

"You're too adorable, princess. Do you really think I'd want to let my precious girl away from my sight?" You open your mouth to interject, but Toji lifts your hand and brings it to his lips, kissing each knuckle. "Listen here, darlin'. I didn't offer to take care of your debt on a whim. I adore the fuckin' shit out of you, and I was gonna wait til your graduation to ask if you'd still want this thing to be official."

"But now that I hear you're interested," his big hand holds yours, fingers intertwined as his thumb brushes your forefinger. "Are ya up for it?"

You breathe slowly to ease your heart, beating at an irregular tempo. You grip his hand in return and offer a sheepish smile.

"Yes. I'd like that very much, Toji."

He smirks and kisses your cheek. "Good girl." Toji has his arms placed behind your back and under your legs. Then he stands up while picking up your figure bridal style. He grins hard when you squeal in surprise as your arms sling around his neck.

"Let's shower," he walks out of the pool and into the suite. "And then afterward, I'll show you how much I've been itchin' to make you be my girl for real."

The heat on your face grows tenfold, and Toji barks a laugh when you hide your face. You can only mentally pray for yourself for what's to come.

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That little prayer did absolutely nothing!

Now you're lying on the bed nude and wet from the shower as the water droplets on your body slide down to the satin sheets beneath you. Your hands cover your mouth, trying to suppress the moans and sobs from exiting your lips.

And the cause of this is the man currently nestled between your legs. You can see the raven hair between your inner thighs, but you feel a wet muscle lapping around your vulva. The lewd noises of Toji eating you out fill the room and has you writhing in discomfort, and you try to slowly move your lower region away from his ravaging mouth.

"Aht aht, you're not goin' anywhere, mama." Toji's rough hands grip your waist and pull you back down, his nose brushing your clit as you jerk upwards. He lifts his head to look at you, and the image of your slick smeared all over his mouth and chin almost makes you faint.

"Put those hands down, baby. Let Daddy hear that sweet voice of yours." He uses one hand to play with your pussy, middle and forefinger abuse your inner lips as his thumb grinds down on your sweet bud. Your eyes shoot up for the stars, and you're forced to do what he says, hands gripping the sheets while your cries are out for him to hear.

"Aahhhh!! Haaah, T-Toji!! 'S too much, too—Ooohh!" His tongue returns between your cunt, licking and tasting the sticky fluid coating your pussy. Your eyes are watering, your mind starts to feel dizzy, and your legs can't stay still to save your life. He's been doing this for 15 minutes!!

You clutch his hair and wail out his name in pleasure, earning a moan from Toji as his grip on your thighs gets tighter.

He can tell you're close to finishing, so he helps you. His tongue slides from your wet center to your clitoris, licking and sucking on the extremely sensitive bud, his teeth lightly pressing down on the pearl.

Your release comes instantly, and your walls spasm as you cry in pure euphoria. Your head pushed deep into the pillow below you, letting your body finish reacting to the climax. However, Toji doesn't wait for you when his mouth drinks your essence. His tongue attacked your sore velvety walls, having you gasp for air.

When he's done, he finally withdraws from between your legs and kneels before you, taking in your disheveled figure. Your tear-stricken face and hooded eyes peer up at him as he wipes his face of your excess come, licking the rest from the back of his hand.

Toji snickers hoarsely. "Sorry, sweetheart, you tasted so fuckin' good I couldn't help myself. Besides," you watch his hands trail down to his dick as he places himself on your messy vagina. "Gotta get you prepped up fr' me."

He puts a pillow under your lower back to raise your hips more. Seeing his dick for the first time has you in mental turmoil. Toji notices you looking and sneers, pulling your hips to him so his balls practically kiss your opening, his dick on full display on your lower abdomen. The girth alone has your cunt pulsating in anticipation, and good God, the length of that thing. It's not the first dick you've seen in your life, but it's definitely the biggest challenge you've come across.

I hope those 15 minutes of prep were enough.

You come back to your senses when you feel the tip of his hefty member circling the corners of your folds, and your slick aids him as a lubricant.

"Ready, babygirl?" You exhale a nervous breath and nod for confirmation. "Okay, we're gonna start real slow."

Toji began to push the tip in, your folds being spread open to accommodate the foreign object intruding into your tight hole. You close your eyes and hold your breath, the pain worsening by the second. You take one breath, and Toji pushes further. With another breath, he goes further. Another-

A giant gasp takes over you as the tip of Toji's cock enters you. And Toji takes his time pushing himself further into you, using every fiber of his being not to rut into your tight walls off the jump.

"Haaah, hmmm, oh fuck," That's easier said than done with you gripping onto him like your life depended on it. Once he's pushed his whole cock into you, your words come out as a babbling mess, gripping his arms for support. He looks down at your disarranged self, chuckling at such a wonderful sight. "You look really fuckin' sexy layin' under me, baby."

"God...Toji," Tears stream down your cheeks, wincing at the pain down south. "'S too muuu-ch, too big for—Hnnngh!!" A sudden thrust of the hips has you biting down on your bottom lip.

"C'mon now, I thought I told you about that. I already let it slide once or twice." Toji places your legs on his shoulders and leans close to you, his body weight adding onto yours as the base of his cock grinds into your sex. "What's my new name, mama?"

"Ah!! I'm sorry, Daddy." The title comes through sobs.

Toji grins from ear to ear, wiping your tears with his calloused fingers. "Good girl," he kisses your forehead as you adjust to his girthy length. "So fuckin' pretty fr' Daddy." He takes your lips with his soft ones before moving his hips in a slow yet rough rhythm.

The mating press has your body submit to him, taking in his cock as it sinks deep into your swollen core. And it only gets worse when his pace gets faster, hitting your sweet spots accurately. At this rate, you're bound to cum earlier than necessary.

Then you feel his tip abruptly touch your cervix, and the wail you let out is picked up by Toji's ears. "Oh? Think I found what I was lookin' for." His hips grind deep in you, his tip abusing your poor cervix to the point you speak in tongues. "Feelin' good, princess?"

"Fuck, Daddyyyy, please, I'm-Ahaaah, Ohhh!" His irrational pace has your brain turning to mush, his cock bullying your insides. The sound of his balls slapping against your squelching folds has you squeezing him harder. "I'm gonna cu-cumm!!"

Toji hisses into your ear, the tone of his voice dominating your senses. "Oooooh, don't grip on me like that, sweetie. Gonna end up — Mmmph! Shit, shit, shit, shit...Gonna give you a baby."

You reach to cup his face through watery eyes glazed in a haze. "Please, Daddy, I want it," You know you're talking nonsense, but why care when you're feeling this fucking good. "Inside, I want it, inside!"

"Heh, be careful with what you wish for, mama." He kisses you again as his hips become erratic, and he moves a hand to your clit and pinches it, whining into your mouth when you're cunt clutches onto him one final time.

You cum around his cock and push your head back on the pillows, your gushy walls spasming around his length, prompting Toji to cum inside you after a few more thrusts. You two moan into each other's mouths, riding each other's high until your bodies calm down.

The two of you pant heavily once the kiss is broken apart, and his deep emerald orbs take in your dazed expression. He smiles when he notices drool on the side of your mouth, using a thumb to wipe it off for you.

"My sweet darlin'," Toji kisses your cheek and sighs deeply into your embrace. "You're too good fr' me, baby."

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"Did I say that I want your babies?"

You're resting with Toji, your head relaxed on his chest as you sit between his legs. The television in the bedroom plays an episode of a sitcom, anything for you two to look at and enjoy a moment of peace together.

He snickers at your question, his chest rising and falling as you lay on him feels nice. "Yeah, you kinda did."

"Wow, that sex must've screwed something up in my head."

"Yeah, my dick had you wanting to risk it all." He snorts when you playfully hit his arm. "Don't worry, we can find some plan b in the morning."

Turning to face Toji, still watching TV, you furrow your brows. "We? What about work?"

"I have tomorrow off. It's your last day, and I don't feel like going back to work, or else I'll be sour all fuckin day. Much rather spend it with you than with some morons."

You look at Toji for a little longer before you smile and kiss his cheek, catching the older man off guard as you nestle into his warm body. "Thank you, Toji. For everything."

The thanks carry a deeper meaning. Not a single ounce of doubt clouds your mind now that you've gotten the closure you wanted. Thinking about how your life brought you to this moment, you're happy with your decision to pursue this relationship and more. And it's thanks to this man for making it possible.

Toji still stares at you before he scoffs and kisses your temple.

"No problem, kiddo."

[carmyboobear]

how do you think losing your v card to carmy would be like?

WOW. I have to just share my thoughts in a messy format for now but i will HAVE to write a fic about this. I honestly never thought about this before but now I’m feeling…sweaty!

Read more bc I got carried away, includes: fingering!!!!!!!!!!!!😳

As we all know I’m a virgin Carmy truther… but for this I can’t stop thinking about the idea of like…a newly experienced Carmy that’s really eager to please. Like he’s still been bitchless for most of his life LOL. Ig the specifics aren’t super important tho

He would take it slow, ask you a lot of questions. “Do you like it when I touch you like this?” He would ask, carefully rubbing circles in your clit. “Tell me,” he would say if you didn’t answer. He’s sweet, but I think he likes seeing the effect he has on you. He’s gentle, but can’t resist pushing your buttons (in a good way). He rubs your clit until you come, ensuring you’re wet enough to take his fingers.

What I’m REALLY thinking about is how he would open you up next. Oh my god. He starts with just one finger, pushing in slowly, massaging your clit with his other hand.

“You’ve never been filled up before, so I gotta make sure you’re ready for me,” he’d say, explaining why he keeps fingering you even though you swear you’re ready for him, you promise. One becomes two, his index and middle slowly scissoring you, and then that becomes a third one. You’re far wetter than you ever have been and you’re not sure if he shows signs of stopping. He took his other hand off your clit a while ago so you wouldn’t come, but sometimes it idly traces your folds curving around the shape of his fingers.

“I’ve fingered myself before,” you’d argue, but the argument sounds weak when he’s three thick fingers deep into your pussy. He knows this, too. He’d like to see that another time.

“I know, baby. Just a little longer.” You’re not sure how long it’s been, but the truth is, he’s kept you there for 30 minutes, just slowly working you open. And now he’s sneaking a fourth finger inside. “Does it hurt?” He’d ask gently. “Rub your clit if you need it, but don’t come.”

Finally, finally, after working you up to four fingers, you’re loose and open for him. Sure enough, he fits like a dream, and even then, you can feel why he worked you open the way he did. Carmy is thick, and he fills you up.

You don’t last long, not with how much Carmy’s fingered you. Your come so hard, gasping at the raw feeling of coming on his cock. You’re clenching and so wet that Carmy comes super quickly after. He got pretty worked up, hearing you moan so much for him earlier.

“Was that good for you?” He’d ask after when you guys are cuddling post-sex, like he didn’t just finger blast you. “So I know for next time,” he’d say, and by the look on his face, he can tell the answer you’re gonna have to his question. Smug ass LOL

Sooooo yeah. That is my vision (bows and leaves the room)

[merlinmarvelandother-oneshots]

Hi! Your requests are open right? If so could you write undertale headcanons about a reader who selfharms? Nothing too graphic or anything ofc and totally understand if you're not okay with this :)

I also saw that you did Au's so would it be okay to do this but with the skeleton brother's from undertale, underfell and underswap? (Not the version where people think blue acts like a kid tho please)

Again if you're not okay with this I 100% understand and won't be upset at all :) I write my own headcanons but I prefer reading other people's (I'm not stealing tho dw)

Sorry it's a lot of text and have a great day/night :)

you got it, anon! it totally bothers me when people write blue like he's a child, too.

(my first request on tumblr let's go)

undertale, underfell, and underswap skeleton brothers with a reader who self harms

TW for self harm. if you self harm, there is help. it can get better. talk to a friend or a loved one, or my DMs are open.

Undertale:

Sans:

-he had noticed you acting weird lately.

-distant, almost.

-when he finally pressed you about it, you broke down into tears and told him you self harm.

-"oh, kiddo. c'mere."

-he wraps you tightly in a hug.

-asks you what you use, and asks you to hand it over.

-he tells you that if you ever need anything, or even just to talk, he's free. it doesn't matter what it is, he'll make time for you.

Papyrus:

-he asked you for several weeks what the matter was

-you finally caved and told him

-he was frozen in shock. what could possibly make you do that to yourself? he doesnt understand.

-he suddenly engulfs you into a hug.

-"i will help you get better, human! i promise!"

-he asks you that while you start to heal (both physically and from whatever was going on mentally that made you do it) that you dont do it again.

-he starts cooking for you. like, a lot.

Underfell:

Sans:

-it was an accident that he saw it. your hoodie sleeve rolled up while you were grabbing something and he caught a glance of your injuries.

-he harshly grabs your wrist.

-"who the hell did this to you?"

-you were barely audible when you said that you did it to yourself.

-the harshness in his eyes softened.

-"kid... c'mon, there's better ways to cope."

-he won't admit it to you, but after the monsters were freed from the underground, the stress of it all brought him to self harm for a period of time, too.

-which is why it's all the more important to him that you stop.

-becayse he knows what a slippery slope it is.

-"kid, you gotta promise me you'll cut that out. we can get you help. i ain't much of a therapist, but goddamn it, for you, i'll try."

Papyrus:

-he had to pull an aggressive monster off of you.

-he knew that because he was a member of the royal guard, and therefore disliked by many, that you would be a target.

-he had to take your hoodie off so he could tend to the wounds on your arms.

-"it's fine. don't worry about it," you had said.

-"no, you must let me do this. it is my fault he hurt you. you must let me help you."

-knowing he wouldn't give in, you relented.

-it was when you took your hoodie off that he saw your injuries, even though you tried your best to hide them.

-"human, these have been here for quite a while. who did this to you?" anger was evident in his tone, though he tried to hide it, so you wouldn't think it was directed at you.

-he obviously didn't believe you when you said it was an incident with a stray cat.

-"it's... i do it to myself, dammit!" you said. tears filled your eyes and your voice wavered.

-"that is unacceptable! you must quit this right now, do you understand me?"

-he didn't mean to sound so harsh, only stern. but if it got the point across, it didn't matter much to him.

-"now, tell me, why is it you do this?"

-he listens closely as you open up to him. he'll make you feel better, one way or another.

Underswap:

Sans:

-he knew something was off about you. what it was, though, he couldn't quite figure out.

-so, he asked you.

-"it's nothing," you had said. "nothing you need to worry about."

-"but don't you trust me?" he asked.

-that made you hesitate.

-a few days later, you told him. you didn't show him, but you told him.

-"but why would you do that to yourself? you are amazing, human! you have so much good in you. can't you see that? can't you see that you don't deserve it?"

-but you told him that you didn't know what he saw. you didn't see the good in you. and you're you! don't you know yourself best?

-he started listing off your great qualities, arguing with you when you wondered what the fuck he was going on about.

-he vowed that, no matter how long it took, he would make you see yourself as worthy again.

-but until then, he just made you promise to stop.

Papyrus:

-he had his suspicions for a while.

-the way you always wore long sleeves, no matter how hot it was.

-how distant you were, never telling anybody how you felt.

-he knew something was going on. so, he decided to see if his suspicions were true.

-it took a little coaxing, but you confirmed them. you were, in fact, self harming.

-he (like Fell Sans) also used to self harm. and he told you that.

-he asks you why, and he listens carefully as you tell him.

-he rubs your back from his position next to you on his couch as he says, "i need you to stop, okay? i understand it's going to be hard. i understand that it feels like you have to. but you can't, okay? you just can't. only once you stop can you start feeling better about yourself."

-he takes whatever you use away from you, and watched you closely, occasionally asking you to let him look for more scars.

[bu-blegh-ost]

A Niklaus Hendrix theory (spoilers for the entire series up to 110)

So, I've been meaning to share my thoughts on Niklaus Hendrix for a while now, and seems that there won't be a better time than now, but you gotta bear with me cause there's a lot I wanna say, and hopefully it'll be interesting enough to read.

So, there was a theory going around a while back that Niklaus might be a warlock, whose patron is a Fathomless. I'm new to DnD myself, so for anyone in the same situation as me, let me share what I learned. Fathomless is a sort of almost god-like entity that lives in the ocean depths, and a warlock can make a pact with it to borrow its power. What made people think that this is something Grizzly might have been influenced by, were very familiar black tentacles that seem to be associated with the creature. Of course, Grizzly's campaign is very much homebrew, so if it is connected, it was merely an inspiration, cause, though the Nameless Prince might be a creature similar in power to the Fathomless, it is a seperate entity with its own goals and abilities. But the gist of the theory, is that Niklaus is a warlock and The Nameless Prince, his patron. I'll do you one better tho. What if I told you, that The Nameless Prince WAS a patron, but not of Niklaus, but Captain Hendrix. And you may ask next: Wait, are they not the same person? Well, yes. But no. Lemme explain.

Let's go back about ten years, before the Hole in the Sea. Let's assume that by that time, Captain Hendrix is a simple warlock. Very powerful, but nothing as otherworldly as he seems to be now. He is described by Drey as a man who can never be content, he seeks more power, more control. He has a powerful patron, one of the most archaic and dangerous beings that exist, and as we learned in ep. 110, the entity that took the power of the entire world to seal away. And somehow, the same creature reached out to him. That's why Drey mentioned, that Finn would often warn Captain Rose, that Hendrix seems to be hiding something about the true power of his arcane. But, as said, Hendrix was never happy with what he already had, and one day he came to an agreement. He was promised something, he wanted most, no idea what it could have been, maybe to rule the world or something like that. In turn he was to help free The Nameless Prince from the shackles he was chained by, below the ocean. I believe that years ago, the Nameless Prince, in his fascination with the mortals, in his desire to corrupt, to know, and eventually to destroy, made his way to Mana. Here is where he was stopped permanently, somehow imprisoned with no way to leave. He wants his freedom back and he wants Hendrix to help.

Captain Rose is about to retire, but when talking with his crew, he mentions that he's unsure. That there's something that always makes him want...more. A desire. Hendrix can use that. Whatever Rose did on this last journey of theirs, it opened the hole in the sea. From then, Rose got corrupted by the Nameless Prince which led to his death, and when Drey touched the egg...something was released...but not fully. Drey was not the key, not the right person, not the Chosen One, so The Nameless Prince's release was incomplete, corrupting only a single ocean, but also releasing wild magic across the rest of the world. With what little freedom it had, the Nameless Prince did not have a way to influence the world. No body, no face, no voice. But it did have Captain Hendrix. In ep. 100 we can see that Hendrix looked much more human than he does now. His eyes turned fully black, the very shape of his face changed a little. I think what The Nameless Prince proposed to him, was a fusion. A merge of their consciousness, personalities and goals. The Nameless Prince received Hendrix's memories, his talents and knowledge, his emotions, his body and his face. A name. Niklaus Hendrix. His host in return received power beyond any mortal's imagination. The power to grant wishes and corrupt people from within. But I have no doubt, that most of what Captain Hendrix used to be, belongs to the Nameless Prince now. And he finally has a way to influence the world in order to work towards freeing himself.

There are so many things that make me think that. His deal with Chip, his desire for him not to touch the egg. In his own words "Not him, anyway." Gillion. The fact that the new prophecy makes it feel like his release is inevitable. Naturally. After all, The Nameless Prince granted himself a favor from the Chosen One as early as the 8th episode. His fascination with people, so similar to what we heard about in the book Goobleck found. His nearly absolute power, so strong in fact that he can alter the reality itself. And yet, seemingly a person with a past, experiences and even friends. That's because he's not one being. He's two. And it was very clever of Grizzly to lead us astray like that.

When Chip asks him what he desires most, he says freedom. Naturally. Cause of all the things in the world, this one thing, freedom, is what both of them, the entity and the Captain, whose body was stolen, do not truly have. And they are ready to do anything to get what they want. They are pirates, after all.

I could be going on forever, with quotes and excerpts and even more details to my thought process, but I'm afraid to bore you, so I'll leave it at that for now. But hey, do let me know if you find that little theory of mine interesting, and if you'd like to hear more of my thoughts. For now, take care <3

[dykeferatu]

Hi, River! :)

What's your favourite NIN song(s) my dude? (If I may call you my dude.)

hello! god this is like asking me to choose a favorite child except i think that would be easier. if i was a parent. it's hard to chose only a few faves but it will TRY to keep this limited... (note from future river: i failed)

fuck this is actually so difficult... ok i have to get closer out of the way

obviously..... predictable choice but it's a hit for a reason ok!! it was my top song on spotify last year and i literally only started listening to nin in october. so good... i saw u respond to my post about track transitions and the transition from closer into ruiner makes me go crazyyyyyyy. i love ruiner as well but again. trying to keep it limited..

ok nearly every song on tds is a favorite so i'm just going to highlight a few more and then i'll give other releases a chance 😭

reptileee.. UGHHH. yeah this one just does something to me. the machinery sounds. yum. that guitar bit that lines up with that one machine sample that's playing throughout (3:43 if u don't know wtf i'm talking abt)... and i like the muffled yelling in the outro

there are songs on tds i guess i technically like listening to more but there's something about this one that makes it special to me. it's comforting somehow! the intro is meditative, and the meat of the song is cathartic. i like how we get the same muffled effect as on reptile, but here even the instrumentals are muffled

BURN!! one of my first favs. so good and aggressive. grraaahhhh

ok gonna try to limit myself to one song per release from here on out bc i really do love so many.....

so fun and funky. the nursery rhyme lyrics are a little silly but i love it. also love the part where he just screams

so many good things abt this one... the first things that made my ears perk up were the synths on the chorus

there's just a weight to the sound of this one that i'm obsessed with atm. also, the crunch is real good

ok already breaking my promise but the fragile has so many songs and i haaave to highlight please. underrated as hell!!! hearing that chorus for the first time changed my brain chemistry (<- could say this about a lot of nin stuff lmao)

breaking my promise AGAIN because LA MER...... such a beautiful song. does things to me. has made me cry. whatever........

gotta love only. the beat. the rambling verses. the chorus. the reference to down in it. fun!

i ran out of embeds but THAT WON'T STOP ME...

Me, I'm Not - i woke up with this song stuck in my head once and then i listened to year zero and finally Got It

Discipline - just a banger

Various Methods of Escape - hesitation marks is CRIMINALLY UNDERRATED

The Background World - i do kinda with there was a version with a shorter outro bc i looove this one but it's hard to put on playlists. great way to end the ep tho

God Break Down the Door - PLAY THAT SAX TRENT!! i also love his voice in this one

OK i'm done. i agonized over this and i still wanted to include more 😭😭 tysm for asking and thanks to anyone who got to the end of this post <3 ily

[taegularities]

Hiiii, new follower here.

I stumbled across 'ruined' a while back, it's been my first fic of yours and now I'm really curious about your other works!!! I'd been a somewhat silent reader tho, but I'm hoping to change that!

Honestly, ruined was such a ride. One of the best works I'd read, hands down. The build-up between the characters, their exchange, had me on the edge of the seat the whole damn time- like the way you portrayed the atmosphere between them; It was tense yet relaxed, like I knew they surely wouldn't make a move on the other, even if the thought was constantly bugging them in the back of their mind, and its effect only made the air thicker. Idk if I'm making sense lmao but I personally loved how that played out, the build-ups, explosions, lows, highs, jeeez. And Tae's ptsd just felt so real, it was as if I saw those memories flash past, your use of imagery is just *chef's kiss*. You did such a great job on it, like I was kicking in my seat aksjkwkdjjdkf.

I've been a writer myself for quite a long time now, but have never really posted my works on public platforms (scared of plagiarism ig?), but having said that, I encourage you to keep doing what you do. Ik how audience response varying over time can be discouraging, but gotta push through it ig.

I'm hoping to cover your other works real soon and post my thoughts on it if you don't mind!

omg hi!!!! you can drop by anytime (i promise i usually answer quicker 😭), and it's so genuinely sweet of you to want to reach out!! ruined was one of the best works??? stop, this is so nice 😭 as far as i remember, i had such a wonderful time writing it and i loved them so much, so it's crazy that it reached you just the same 🥺 you're so right!! there was an unspoken tension for sure, and she was trying, but tae had to heal a little :') idk if you have yet, but if you want, you can read the backstory – the entire ruin you series! i think all those emotions you're feeling now will be magnified by a dozen :') no pressure ofc hehe!!

i will try my best!! 🥺 it's very cool that you write as well, though, and i hope it's been fun for you. plagiarism is always a worry yeah ugh… but if you ever want to show the world what your mind conjures, def go for it <3 thank you for reading, and i hope you like my other stuff just as much, if not more, if you do get to it 🥺 i don't mind at all hehe always here to chat 🤍

[toinfinitywinning]

How it Began? As a kid, until something bad happens all you know is innocence. Bounce back. Resilience. Words and thoughts your growing mind can’t get its synapses matured yet. And by bad, I mean it rocks you. You’re crying. You’re asking why for the first time poor thing it’s forever; you’re confused. You cannot process the magnitude of the incident and sometimes may even require Counseling to help guide you through it…NVR goes away.

And then.

I mean it’s sad, Right? Being born isn’t your introduction “hey!” realization and rationality Day, it’s your Birth Day. Period. Everyone’s glad you’re here. But you’re not going to know anything for a Long time. Everyone’s with me. Hopefully, b/c I don’t know nothin’ ‘bout no babies. And Well, most people R glad you’ve come unless you’re..ok no not that rn.

BUT

First time you are hurt and are able to process and internalize that new feeling it’s like welcome to the jungle we got fun and games! And I remember that moment for me. It wasn’t when I smacked my head and got hit with bats and sliced my fingers open trying to whittle (Dad’s fault) to make a teepee which now I’m not sure should be a thing. Also tried to make a tornado bottle like those science fair ppl had. The ones that won. B/c they actually figured out how to puncture a hole in a plastic 2 liter top without stitches and having to explain what in the Hell you were doing (Heather u said you might be here so I know you’re with the gear Shift trauma rn)

For me until now it’s never been me physically hurt or incapable that’s defeating me—defeating—adjective : defeated—also adjective but untrue. This is different and I hate it b/c of that. I was born with vampire senses at least that’s what vampire diaries says. I feel everything so intensely that often it has trickled over to affecting me physically. I suppose a Good example is a panic attack but I’ve moved onto bigger things. I’ll be one of those ppl on ppl magazine whose ღ ended hearing bad News. This could get dark so I’ll Stop at bad News.

It’s funny -I have all this time. And most of the time I don’t enjoy the time but I’ve thought a lot of that time some about when I was a kid. Just free fallin’. Before I got the anxious bug again I was fine being serendipitous and sporadic. One time I put a Friends name in my calendar even tho I knew I knew the time. That stuff. So back to the carefree kid. Like, 8+ I have to clearest memories. I want to take a sec to say how sad that is!! There is no question that I was the kid with the most bandaids. There are pictures and I Love them. Pain didn’t really bother me. Not like this. And I’ve had a lot of very serious injuries and surgeries. Why can’t I be her?

It’s all about control.

Sometimes staying in a State of any negative, sad emotion or trying time becomes comfortable so it becomes routine. Safe. This can Go downhill quickly. But I promise something from my psych minor talks about this my sister would know. Anyways you gotta get out and can’t.

I was in this State Right before I got sick but I pulled myself out of that creepy Ass Edgar Allen poem pit and swing thing b/c I didn’t like it anymore. But this is a Choice promise. And there’s not statute of limitations on how Long it takes you or if you even get to make a Choice time which is already a Mountain.

I tend to be really open and candid. I would be a horrible Celebrity. First of all they’d only have pictures of me in sweatpants. But the openness isn’t for me or really anybody unless someone does see it and be seen. I never had that. And that’s no one’s fault. We didn’t have Smart phones which ironically give us cancer and often stupidity from the crap you read due to that algorithm. A few people reached out in my DM’s and on posts to just do this I guess and throw in a Basketball time to time.

I was stuck. And I had well…a very eye opening bad experience. I don’t think I’ll ever share that publicly. But I was terrified. Something came over me when I got to my car and it wasn’t a Voice it was a direction. To home. Safety. Familiar. Routine. I knew sooner than immediately that I was done. That’s it. There’s a pattern in this pattern. You see?

So all that is taken care of and now we will work on my eating Disorder. Anorexia, restrictive ED/exercise bulimia and body dysmorphia. You get it. Add this in with Addiction. Talk about stuck. All I can think of to compare it to is that scary book w/ a wizard and a whirlpool and IDEK how it ends but that was always enough for me to be done w/ that story. So, You’re bound to have one after losing 150 lbs over two and a half years and now can see your bones and muscles. Hey you’re confident again Good for you. This will not sustain. You lost weight probably all the wrong ways anyway but it worked. And you’re still in control. Things have changed and u know what to do to keep your skeleton up. One gust of wind or fainting and head stitches again having to hurry and tell your Apple Watch not to call the rescue’s and you’re an inch closer to hospitalization. Doin’ fine.

All I had Left was my eating Disorder to work on and I’d made so much progress. I’ll expand on this but you actually have to eat when you’re sick. I won’t thank COVID-19 for that tho. Sometimes u can follow all the rules and still get *BEEP, explicative!* sooner or later it would have risen. So that infamous Day I’d just finished my hour walk and like had been doing about to eat w/ my Parents. I remember it like it wasn’t a 26 month old toddler Day away. One sniff. Mom -please get COVID tested. I remember being annoyed. B/c I have taken all the precautions. Well so do a lot of people and things still happen OUT of our control. This became the problem. Two saddest things about that next few days is I made my Dad say Shit when I came up positive then gave it to my Mom. I cannot tell you the guilt I would be carrying had this been the other Way around.

I had lived my Addiction free Life and started to heal my ED rest of my Life. For 3 weeks. I felt so light. Felt so free. Brave and proud. More authentic. B/c being stuck and not being able to fix things yourself takes a lot of deleted Pride and bad bad bad experiences apparently. Wakey wakey. Why’s it gotta be that Way? At least it’s the Gentry way. I’d rather not keep that up.

Crushed. Pre healing I couldn’t Exercise for 2-4 hours daily. Wake up at 5 am still kinda dazed and do 100 push-up’s then 10lb weights, several sets. Not one thing from a video or trainer but i can see everything chiseled so gotta be doing something right. Then walk a mile and a half or 10000 steps before you even answer a call at work. All this to have your evening free. To see your ribs and sometimes ✔ the camera Cloud to make sure that 10 pound added weight doesn’t happen. Showering at lunch break. Oh it was a machine. And ppl knew. I’m very aware. I lean toward empathy as well.

I was very very sick. Different sick. And TBH as much of Hell this is and might forever be I’d rather this. Even a broken ღ that was your stupidity and blinders anyway. Although I cannot control this it’s not an intensity of emotion in those skinny Ass bones I can’t turn off anymore. Need size zero and xs. Ghastly. I can answer a question of would you rather in this Case. My ღ literally aches. It’s all of the omnipresent and then some. So intense and relentless. I could change my mind tomorrow. Right now.

This Pain is Physical. Not my fault. Wasn’t abused. Can’t control this either and I’d never wish it on all but one person but idk. I feel things that intensely. I’d be the X-Ray Report that says torn or damaged in about nine places after my ACL tear. The Report was an entire page LOL. That is not common I don’t think. Should’ve just said everything is bad take your 2nd of now Four ambulance trips with your Dad to the ER.

Let me be clear. This is very hard to put into words. It’s less I guess that I wouldn’t barter but sometimes you’re just like please give me that Pain instead, just for a while.

Right now I am comfortable in Pain. Isn’t that pathetic yet tragic? I meannn. Whole body Pain. It’s emotional too trust me but this it takes first. Imagine…the control freak. This is not acute. Feeling without Pain even temporarily is kinda scary and better word unsettling. You want to get better of course but your body has done such a 180 that it becomes what you’re worried about and what makes you nervous. It’s an evil Domino set mouse wheel. Let me also add that long-haul Covid and dysautonomia and pots all of them happened because my body had gotten so healthy again it went in overdrive to try to help me and then couldn’t stop. How nice. Kindly. I’ve learned things about my body and about what people can experience and I didn’t want to. I will never again scoff at someone for saying that they are debilitated because, they are in constant pain or too “tired”... They can’t be safely aware. I’m ashamed I ever thought that about people because there is no take a Tylenol and lay down. There is no taking a nap and you’ll wake up refreshed. That’s all bullshit at this point, and it hurts if you have to ever explain it because you can’t, like so many other things until it happens to you you don’t really know how you feel like a lot of things you can swear that you’ll react one way or the other but when something happens to your kid or someone you love (dare i say abortion as a topic) all the sudden it’s personal and you’re thinking something you never thought you would. Or not. The struggle is actually real.



There is a lot of trauma or some type of PTSD with being this sick for this long as well because you sit comfortably, you know exactly what’s going to happen. If then, then that some of which are terrifying I shake I can’t believe anyone has to deal with this and yet I’m not even one of the most serious cases if you can believe that. Then there’s the Gaslighting. Go to stone ridge and admit yourself for anxiety. NAH. Thankfully all of my docs have been first class with no doors blown off.

I want to say I’ve learned a lesson.. karma. I deserve this. I should’ve seen it coming. Let me be clear again. No one deserves this and yet we’re human and stuff still happens to good and bad people. losing control has been difficult, but I feel like I’ve learned so much about, literal heartache and pain that only someone who was going through the same thing can identify with. there aren’t words. I’m not trying to paint a picture of someone who is on oxygen and dying or taking chemo, but I think that you can hold sadness in several different ways without feeling guilty. you can own What you’re going through. it’s OK to be angry at God at anything and I’ve had to realize that and it’s taken a long time and I think I still am working on it because I think I’m over here. not famished. not taken hostage. not bombed. I have a bed to lay in when I feel bad. U can’t compare things like this and you shouldn’t anyway. I think in doing that it’s never productive anyway. I don’t like being helped which is ironic because I have some co dependencies still and yearning to stay close to what is familiar and home and safe I’ve had to put my or whatever aside and my confidence out the window because yes, you will gain weight not exercising that much but you literally can’t do things at first. I was using a cane to get to the bathroom. I would pant no exaggeration like a dog for at least an hour sometimes after walking 10 feet, ask my mom she was on the couch across from me and we’re both thinking what just happened. or you have to use spoons because you’re shaking so much. Don’t even try a fork w/ rice. or you’re so confused that you always have to have what I would say and interpreter at this point, and praise God that there r doctors surrounding me. I have needed so much help and I think part of accepting help is also allowing someone else to practice stewardship and I think somewhere possibly the Bible at some point you can’t continue to deny someone’s help because they have to have the experience of helping and we both know each feeling. Frankly need it sometimes there are things that not even Gentry will speak of that I’ve gone through but somehow I’m thinking wow Pooh bear was correct. I really am stronger than I seem and I thought that the last time I was in a bad place life is nuts except help, if you don’t have the hope or faith let your family hold it for you. It’s still there. You just can’t get it yet and I cringe to say it, but I have learned so much and whether I heal completely or not writing all this again is therapeutic one, but two when people can identify with someone else, it is a very intimate experience the kind of intensity I feel with everything. I tell people I don’t want to hear ‘you’re going to get better’ because you don’t know that. we can pray for it, but I’ve given prayer a hard time as I’m able to complain, not going to church routinely. Then again going to church is just the building. Sadly tru 4 2 many. a reflection of your yearning for community and a place of hope and routine. we know from the current state in this world that going in a church and coming back out there’s nothing Christian about it, but I’m thankful that I have been held. I’ve even asked. Dad has even had to hang onto me. I’ve been in a wheelchair. I’ve had a bed pan. things that would normally humiliate you. You get humbled immediately. You may have your arms and legs, but there will be times you will need to be pried off the floor, there will be times that your head stays on a cold marble kitchen counter for hours because you don’t have the strength to walk 20 steps to your bed. Covid sucks. it has ruined lives, marriages, people have gone bankrupt. People have died. Mistreated. People have had experiences much worse than mine, and they didn’t deserve it either even if they didn’t take precaution like I did which is part of why I was so frustrated with getting sick. and again i was at that point I had gotten healthy. So ofc, the more prone your body go into hyperdrive. Trying to heal you. and that’s still where I’m at.

[ghost-town-story]

Hokay, I already know this isn't gonna be a fun update :P

TL:DR: I'm taking a sorta hiatus from writeblr. Basically a hiatus except for a couple of events at the end of November/beginning of December, and FebruarOC. No clue when I'll be back.

Longer version:

If you've been around here for any NaNo season since 2020, you may have noticed something weird happening, aka I stopped posting daily snips, and stopped giving excuses for it after the first two times. It was just a lotta hitting roadblocks with Knighttime Dreams and not wanting to push myself into writing something I'd be okay with sharing, and then falling out of the habit by the time I was writing stuff I'd be okay with sharing.

Which is probably because of the mild/major problem I've been having for at least the last year where me and actually writing down the shit I've plotted in my head have not been getting along. At All. And it really fuckin sucks! I took a break after last year's NaNo and after FebruarOC, and that didn't seem to do shit, and I tried writing every day and that still didn't do much (tho the fact I stopped when I went on vacation probably didn't help, but also. they were contextless snips. I like writing those, but there's a difference between that and Actually Plotted Shit), so. yeah. I dunno.

So yeah. Gonna step back from writeblr and make it official this time rather than just vanishing. I'll still be lurking as usual, I might try and fill some of the Find the Word tags and other assorted not-last-line tags I have sitting around, but I'm gonna be pretty quiet in terms of my own stuff. I'll do my usual NaNo roundup at the end of the month, I wanna do some Spotify Wrapped drabbles again, I have a thing planned for Dec 1 that I've been looking forward to since like... July, and I'm gonna come back for FebruarOC bc if I want it to become a widespread writeblr thing then goddammit I gotta do it myself (also it's fun. I'm not just doing it outta obligation lmao it's just a longer form of the contextless snips), but yeah. Other than planned events that I'm actually hella excited about despite this burnout/whatever the fuck my brain is doing to me, I'm just gonna dip for a while. Can't say when I'll be back for good, I don't wanna make promises and then feel bad when I can't keep them.

I'll be hanging around Discord tho, with my usual level of lurking/occasionally popping in for a comment, so in order of my likelihood to engage, you can still find me in CANS, North Haven, or WTW. I have channels in all those servers and I've been using the CANS one more for stuff that hasn't made it to tumblr, so uh. If you really wanna keep up with my writing you might have better luck there lol

So yeah. Sorry for rambling. There's a reason I put this under a cut lol

[piraticusdorm]

Hello again! I have come here once again because I’m really starting to enjoy going to people’s ask box and being less scared! (I’m actually starting to have fun)

I just wanted to know about Piraticus’ opinions on Sullivan and Kai (and if you’re up to it, maybe a little bit of Kei because…yeah I have no good reason). Haven’t really asked earlier on because I was a tiny scared little worm of a human being.🙄 Now I’m just…worm💀

Awww that's always good! Haha I should take a page out of your book myself ; v ; sets u gently onto a tasty leaf... oh to be a worm, god's gentle's creatures. Ok onto the opinions!

"Sullivan certainly has promise! Why, I bet he'd steal an old grandma's golden tooth if the chance arose! I'm so proud of him. Now that his graces have been sung, he ought to learn to.... see the bigger picture, as it were. Reputation is about all a pirate lives from at sea. Ah well, as long as his crew has his back, I'm sure he'll manage through any obstacles! Part of the fun, isn't it?"

"Now now, our precious Kai! Where would we be without him! So hardworking, I'm almost afraid Riddle will try to swindle him right from under my nose. You'll understand, then, the necessity for this man to take a break. I've facilitated as many breaks as I've could for him to enjoy, but he becomes antsy when not put to work. Had I some more time to come up with a proper scheme to give him that much needed vacation... (sigh) It's been on my to do list."

"Sweet Kei, so polite and SO inquisitive! Nothing gets past her, no sir. Makes him all the more entertaining. What's the fun in being a sea rat without a cat or two trying to catch onto you? ...Games and fun are all good, but I've been asking around his mother. Strange things happen in the Neverseas, among them having visitors who might as well be from another world! That is not quite the sort of news that makes the rounds, though. I've not promised Kei anything, can't do so if I'm not sure I can deliver, but whatever information I can get will be hers. I said for a price, but don't her know said price is just a smile. I've got a reputation to uphold!"

"That Sullivan brat's too cocky. Makes it more fun to sink all that ego, ha! 't least he's not s snitch. Sure, we fight, but we don't tell anyone shit about it. Last thing we need is some lecture from the teachs."

" I've seen him around. Hard not to. Guy takes like half the dorm, I swear. Helps around, babysits, don't let him know but I try to stay outta his way. Thanks to him I don't gotta change the ship's banisters every week because of one of Sullivan's stunts. So Kai's good on my book."

"Kei, that nosy brat... Kids these day don't understand privacy! Ok, sure, it's been useful for the blot s🔔🔔🔔show happening around, but a fairy's entitled to his privacy! 'sides that, I can think of worse people to have around."

"Mmhh... He's funny~ Sully says silly things. But his hands are too grabby, ya know? If he tries to touch my stuff.... well, you know. It's that.... I really will bite them clean off. So he should stop."

"I like Kai~! When he's on, um, cooking turn, everything tastes great. There's never enough for thirds... some time I carry the stuff he, uh, cook, onto the ship. Less trips. I get bigger plates then~ Tho he doesn't let me do it often..."

"Key... she's nice. Sees a lot of tiny things around. She was very, um... decided? to know stuff from here. Seems smarts to me. She was looking for something.... if I don't have a scent I can't find it tho. Sorry."

[jordancallowayswife]

Dating Jordan Calloway

Requested: ✅

Warnings or triggers: none( there are cuss words tho)

Characters: jordan Calloway/ J.C, y/n, jayla(bestfriend), destiny (captain) (other side characters will be included)

Excuse any errors and enjoy the story!

≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫≪•◦ ❈ ≪•

Omniscient pov:

Jordan and y/n have been dating for a few months now. Jordan (known as J.C by his friends) was very popular around the school. He ran track and also played on the schools football team. Y/n on the other hand was very shy and quiet and that's what jordan liked about her. Most of the girls in the school envied her because the two of them were together and some even went as far as trying to break them up by spreading rumors. Despite their efforts no one was able to break up the beautiful couple. Y/n also became a cheerleader.

Y/n pov:

Today was a very busy day for me at school. The boys had a football game tonight which started at 7:30pm, I really enjoy going to football games because I get to see Jordan play but it also meant long hours of practice. I looked at my phone and the time read 3:15 and practice started at 3:30. I entered the bathroom and quickly changed into my uniform. I was making my way down the hall when suddenly, I felt myself being lifted up from the floor. I turned around quickly to see who it was only to see it was Jordan. "You play entirely too much" I said looking at him. "Oh come on baby you gotta admit it was a little funny" Jordan replied. "Ok it was a little funny" I said laughing at what happened. "I really wish I could stay here with you longer" I added. Jordan pulled me into a tight hug. "I know babygirl. I promise we'll see eachother after the game." He said kissing my forehead. "Yo J.C we gotta go to the field for practice" one of Jordan's friends yelled. "I'll see you later baby I love you." Jordan said. "I love you too" I responded.

*timeskip to practice*

We were currently going over the last cheer we were going to do when suddenly, the captain known as destiny came toward you. "I think you might wanna work on that backflip. I don't think jordan would like you if you bust your face on the floor and make a complete fool out of yourself." She spat. I smirked knowing I was about to say something to her . "You know destiny, thinking isn't something you're good at. By the way jordan will never ever want you so stop trying." I said. Destiny picked up a Pom Pom and tried to throw it at me but missed. I turned your back on her and headed out the door. "See you just proved my point." I said laughing. " how are you gonna try and hit me with something soft and expect it to hurt." I added. "Fuck youu!" Destiny screamed and walked off. I flipped her off as I walked out the door.

Jordan pov:

The time was 5:00 and i still had time before the game started. Coach didn't mind us leaving and coming back before the game starts there was only two rules: be back in time for warmups and don't be late otherwise we'd get benched. Warmups were at 6:45 which means I had time to spare. I thought of an idea and made my way to y/n's house. Shortly I heard some movement which meant that y/n was home. Once she made her way up the stairs, I heard her sit her backpack on the floor next to her room door. When she walked in, she immediately ran up to me and hugged me. "I missed you so much" she said. "I missed you too my love" I replied. Y/n was clingy but I love her clinginess. We ended up watching a movie, cuddling, playing a few games and also talking and laughing. The time was now 6:20 and I didn't wanna risk being late. I prepared to leave when y/n came up to me and gave me one last hug before I left. "You coming back after the game?" Y/n asked looking up at me. "Yes my princess I'm coming back. Is it alright if I stay the night?" I asked her. "Yeah my mom and dad are out of town on a business trip but they're coming back in two weeks" she told me. I made my way out of the door and headed to the school for warmups and shortly after, y/n did the same.

*timeskip to the game starting*

Y/n pov: me and the rest of the cheerleaders went out and performed the first cheer. Our team had 10 points and the other team had 5. We did two cheers and when we reached halftime we took a break and let the band perform. My bestfriend jayla came over and we talked for a little. "Girll jordan has been eyeing you since halftime started. Y'all so cute together" she told me. "I know right. I can't even lie he looking so fine in that jersey." I said staring at him. "I'm telling him what you said" jayla said laughing. "No no jayla hush dat mouth I'll tell him myself " I said laughing.

*after the game*

Our team won 78-53 and the boys and other people were celebrating the win. But as for me I was tired and just wanted to go home. I met up with Jordan and we both rode home together. He had previously gave me his hoodie to wear because I was cold. I ended up falling asleep in the car and jordan carried me into the house. We both took a shower, ate, and fell asleep cuddled next to each other.

[phrootsnacks]

a chaotic language studying update lol

the urge to just dabble... in so many languages.... all at once

I really should not be allowed to have free time bc there are just too many things to do!!! im gonna do them all tho I promise

Ukrainian, German, Japanese, gotta get back into Arabic and ASL too, might return to Chinese (probably not yet tho)

I feel bad for not having done more arabic and asl during the spring semester but. i barely made it thru the semester anyway no point in beating myself up over it

at some point im gonna post the big toki pona post that's sitting in my drafts :)))))

oh and obviously I have my summer courses to do as well. and some video editing. and a coding project.

one of my courses is a spanish course!!! so that's good. I've been not gr8 w making Anki cards but it's ok bc seeing words I've seen b4 but not recalling their meaning is motivating me to make Anki cards. tho gotta say a lot of these words are very literary and I don't know how useful they are to me. but it's still fun.

actually I want to learn more engineering/science/math vocab in spanish anyone have any recs. I've been looking at some podcasts. might listen to podcasts and take notes on the podcasts.

anyway since the end of the semester I've rested and now im restless. im like a shark in that if I stop moving I die. im gonna have so many little notebooks and that duo bird is gonna haunt my dreams. better than the dreams I've been having ! !

[john-barkston]

Me venting about life:

you know i don't consider myself queer even tho I am Aro / Ace and can find either gender attractive. I have short "boy" hair because I think it finally makes me look like /me/. I am comfortable in my body. I don't believe in marriage or having kids. I don't believe in god. I think religion (yes all of them) is a poison. It took me until my late 20s to realize this about myself. And ever since I've never felt like I couldn't be this person except I am heavily reminded every time I talk to my mom, that she wouldn't like who I am....or at least who I am would devastate her to the point of physical heartbreak.

There's a loooot of family drama going on in the background right now and long story short, im the only person my mom feels comfortable unloading to. which is fine. my dad is dead. her parents are dead. her siblings are insane so not a lot of options, oh, problem, shes also mega christian and she still thinks (or at least hasn't told me otherwise) I am also some what christian. She weeps to me, tells me she doesn't think she can go on like this, how she is hurt by my brother's actions. And I get it. It sucks. It seems like her own son doesn't want to be around her / wants to keep the grand kids from her. There's a lot to unpack about his marriage but we won't go into that either. but I can only offer her an ear. I cannot give advice. The advice I would give would be too harsh, or in the case of GO TO A FUCKING THERAPIST, too secular or something. She never really believed in therapy even though she desperately needs one. (There is A LOT more to this i am not sharing but i promise i am not trying to make this about myself lol even tho it ends up about me T v T ah)

anyway......drama aside She continues the conversation and makes a silly little comment about a conversation she had with my childhood bestfriend's mom about why neither of us are married. (its a joke about how we were scarred for life from a heinous and impromptu "sex ed" bible study thing at an event we went to. We were in 6th grade and they had the whole "you're gonna die and go to hell and get stds and here's some nasty pictures on a fucking projection screen." She tells me how mad I was about it, and how it upset my friend so much. And how they can laugh about it now but obviously it was upsetting and uncalled for. -the did not know it was happening btw. gotta love church events just doing whatever they want in the name of god) This may be a joke, but I know she thinks something wrong must have happened for me to not be married and have kids. She blames her bad relationship with my dad. She blames silly things like this. She blames ....well idk what else, but she's never stopped to consider I don't want that life, because hmmm I just don't!

ugh anyway I lost my steam....point is, I can never be true to my mom. She is way too emotionally unstable for me to come out with it. I want to. I want to be me. I see my friends getting to be themselves around their parents, talking about queer shit, just being human, but i'm always keeping my mouth shut or dodging conversations with my mom, and of course I will always be there for her because I love her but, man, it's rough. I am so sorry for everyone who has ever had to keep their true selves from their family. AND I DON"T EVEN HAVE IT BAD LOL. I am the most vanilla queer you can be.....but man even then....

thank you for coming to my ted talk. it is very lame that this tumblr post is my vent blog L O L but oh well. typing it out helped and publishing it makes it go out into the void and away from me so yeah.....= v = bye.

[stainlesssteellocust]

I know I’ve been saying I’ll update my Agnes Montague / Jack Barnabas happy ending fic for months and months now, but now a fixed laptop and the actual ability to write is on the horizon I’ve gotta set myself some targets and get the chapters cranked out.

People speculating about Agnes showing up in TMP puts me on edge, ‘cause if they joss my silly pairing I’ll be kinda sad (can always chalk it up to alternate universes tho). So I need to get as much content made as I can before TMP comes out.

I want at least 10 chapters of Firestorm done by the time TMP airs, along with the continuation of Boiling Waters that I promised to write forever ago. That way, whatever happens, I can go into TMP happy with the state of my stories.

For those not knowing what the hell I’m on about, I suppose I should advertise: I wrote a bunch of stories on Ao3 featuring Agnes, including two shipping her with Jack Barnabas, her short-lived boyfriend from Burning Desire.

I can’t link them Because Tumblr, but if you want to check them out they’re written under the pseud Merovignian (it’s misspelled on purpose bc the proper one was taken, I swear) and are:

The Firestorm and the Moth, a nobody-dies AU of Burning Desire where the tree on Hill Top Road never quite fell, and Agnes’ odd little dates with Jack deepen into a slow-burn romance. Ongoing, with six chapters at present. So far they’ve reached the ‘holding hands through very thick gloves’ stage…

The Boiling Waters of Asag, a Season 5 era fic complete with statement where Jon and Martin stop at a strange cafe in the burned-out ruins of Sheffield, and meet the Avatar couple that runs it. Jack/Agnes, if much more twisted than the fic above. Also Jon/Martin.

Also the one shots Before the Fire is Lit and Burnt Offerings, a pair of Agnes-centric vignettes. There are hints of pairings, but nothing major. They’re canon compliant, but could fit the above fics easily (if you ignore or creatively interpret the last line of Offerings to make it fit Firestorm, anyway).

So…yeah, if those are concepts you’re interested in, check them out! There’s lots of lovely fanart from Burning Desire and a lot of people like it, but relatively little fic, so I’ve decided to do my part in filling the hole. I’m not the only one of course, so if you do take a look, please also check out the pairing tag to see the lovely works done by others. Have fun!

[twinstarlovers]

You know… I’m wondering if I’m meant to 100% like disconnect from you not literally but like from here & shit like not post. In a way I refuse to but I wonder if it’s like an attachment thing. I don’t want to stop posting here. I think part of it is me people pleasing cus I’m caring about your feelings & I don’t want you to feel like I don’t care or whatever or I’m just moving on. It feels as if I’m doing you dirty basically. Plus my libra ass doesn’t feel like risking getting my ass beat from the universe but also I don’t want to leave because I like it here but I’m literally talking to a ghost but still. You a cute ghost 🥹👻. Anyways, since I have attachment issues.. I think this is like the final lesson (not like ever but for rn) like to fully detach from you but still loving myself outside of here. I’m still loving you.. just not showing you by living my life in peace & shit & not self sabotaging. I’m kinda sad cus I don’t want to leave. I think it’s lowkey lack of trust in the universe too because I feel like if I detach then I won’t have you. I don’t have you but this account is what I have that’s close enough to you. I wanna cry rn omg. This is so sad. I know the universe will bring us back & shit but it’s more scary not posting because it’s like I’m forgetting about you & if I’m forgetting about you then you won’t come back. I had this similar experience when I first had to let go of your ghost, I still remember that day. You were gone but I was still living w your ghost & that was the only thing keeping me somewhat sane. I didn’t want to let go even tho you were already gone. 321 but why am I lowkey crying. It feels like a goodbye or sum. I know my ass is gonna have to delete the tumblr app to stay away. Im doing well tho. Did womb healing today. Very intense, lots of tears. This situationship is good too. He’s great but he’s not you so it makes me feel detached. I feel like I could fall in love if you didn’t exist. I’m working on my trust issues w this guy. He’s great but I think that’s what triggers me. Especially because all I’ve ever attracted was shitty people, it’s confusing energy like for someone to be genuine. Even tho there’s a lot of ‘firsts’ w him, it’s better this way because the ‘firsts’ are not the best because of my wounded self & the universe & I wouldn’t want to put you through that. I wish I could feel more but I do not but I think that’s my sacral chakra which is the reason for me doing womb healing. I feel like shit tho posting on here & talking to him cus I feel like I’m cheating lol. I ain’t cheating cus I’m talking to me ☝🏼🙄. Anyways I am pretty sad now. I like to come on this account & just re read shit or see the videos that I posted as a form of comfort but as you can see it’s also some sort of attachment. My friend be like “let him goooo” & in my head I’m like… I’m not meant to but she’s right like I gotta let you go by not posting you & stuff like I can’t actuallyyyyy let go if I wanted to. In a way I’m being delusional cus I’m not actually talking to you but then I always feel like I am because I lowkey am so that doesn’t necessarily make me delusional, it makes me intuitive? Idkkkk but yeah I have to say goodbye now.

I hope to talk/see you very soon. Ima always miss you & want you forever & don’t let me not posting or me detaching make you think otherwise. You gotta remember our purpose Lamo ☝🏼🪐. Lamo gotta be a strong boy 💪🏼🧸. I’ll be a strong girl for you too 💪🏼💓. It us FOREVER ❤️‍🔥. You know I promise to do the work cus I wanna be w you. These situationships have NUN on you 🫵🏻🙄🤚🏼, they ain’t mamo & they never will be ☝🏼😒 but this account ain’t gonna die. I’ll come back when the time is right. This account for da books 📚💞🎞️ soooo hell yeah I’m coming back. Take care of our account for me tho 🥺🙏🏻. I’ll take care of Goresi, Mamosi, Chickira & the bunny. Maybe not Goresi 🙄. I’ll keep her alive tho 🤷🏻‍♀️. Stay safe 🫵🏻🥺💖. Kissies & huggies for dovey always ♥️. I love you forever ❤️‍🔥 my lovely twin.

Bye bye Lamo Mamo 👋🏼🥺🧸💗.

[leonsliga]

for the ask game: 8, 15, 22, 62, 88 and 99 if you feel like it 💛

Omg thank you Judith!! <3

8. So here’s the thing: I’m such a bum when it comes to my nails lmao…no clue why. I’ve still got a little bit of leftover teal polish on my toes, but my fingers are out here goin nude 😵 we love some good commando fingernails ig

15. Apparently there’s two #15s, so I’m just gonna answer ‘em both lol.

For 15a, god, I’m torn. I’ll tell you this much tho: you won’t ever find my introvert ass in a nightclub, and that’s a promise! As for the other three, I love museums as much as the next girl, but it’s gotta be between a forest and a library. I’m a bookish bitch, but I also love being out in nature and vibing amongst the trees, especially in the fall when the leaves start to turn or if that forest ends in a mountaintop :)

For 15b, my style is definitely pretty comfy and casual. When I’m not wearing football shirts, what I wear really just depends on the season. If we’re talking fall and winter, pretty much sweaters, leggings, and boots every day (think Rory Gilmore from Gilmore Girls or Eva Mohn from Skam only more extreme). These are MY motherfucking seasons. I’m a sweater slut…there, I said it. For spring and summer, I don’t care what I wear as long as I can wear flip flops on my feet 🤷‍♀️

22. I haven’t made any super big decisions recently, but I’m about to make a really big one: I’m about to apply for grad schools, and in the process, I’ve got to decide whether I want to stay in the states and round out my studies here or if I want to wrap things up over in Europe (I’m thinking Scotland, since I left a piece of my heart there a few months back). And when I tell you have I have no idea what I’m gonna do, I’m serious lol. I mean, if I decide to go to uni in Scotland, I’ve basically gotta commit to at least spending a couple of years there. And idk, I’m nervous about the weight of that decision and the unpredictability of the outcome. I might love it more there as much as I did the 4 months I studied there previously, or I might not. It’s tricky. Should I stay or should I go, ya know? Decisions, decisions…

62. The first thing that comes to my mind when I hear the word “heart”? Probably a feeling: passion. Giving your all to something—pouring your heart and soul into something you truly love. It doesn’t have to be a job; it can just be a hobby, something to pass the time. What better way is there to live life than with passion for whatever it is you’re doing or however it is you’re living?

88. First, a lil bb anecdote: my body loves sleep. I sleep like a bear hibernating for the winter; 9 hours is simply insufficient. I’m entirely convinced I could sleep a year if left unchecked or without alarms to stop me. But apparently this morning my brain decided to stage a coup d’état against my body, and I woke up randomly at 7am. Not sure why…I just did, I guess? So that’s fun. But my first thought of the morning was literally: “holy shit, what time is it?” And then when I realized it was the ass crack of dawn, I trust-fell back into my bed (good thing my bed is the most trustworthy inanimate object in the game), trying fruitlessly to will myself back to sleep for the next 2 hours. Eventually I fell asleep…I must’ve, cuz when I woke up again it was like 1pm 😵 moral of the story: my circadian rhythm is damaged beyond repair and not even that cute little thing called sleep can fix it.

99. Even numbers all the way, and it’s not even close! Do I know why? Absolutely not 😂 they’re just more satisfying and pretty idk