#i had a bad dream the other night
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Girls when they are hit with the overwhelming urge to be held and protected
#obligatory occasional vent post#sorry yall im feeling angsty today#like its chill!!! i will be self sufficient and i will manage on my own!!! but also itd be nice to have my own parents get mad when i told#them i was raped ya know??? like sure i managed on my own but maybe i want to feel like people arent just apathetic to my traumas#like yeah i am in fact independent and cool and pretty much all the progress ive made ive done on my own but also it might be nice to have#somebody who would be willing to beat up someone who hurt me. to have a person outside of me who could hold me and keep me safe and shelter#me from the outside world#i had a bad dream the other night#someone at school grabbed me by the leg and was dragging me#i fought them off and someone else im good friends with came and beat them up and held me and kept me safe#and that dream has single handedly opened up a gaping hole in my chest#but anyways!!!#tag rambles#im tired#im doing fine i promise#tw: vent
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So i had a dream last night which wasn't a nightmare and i even remember most of it! which is super exciting. I barely ever remember dreams that are just simply that so this is a fairly rare occasion for me.
It was weird tho
But it was.. i don't even know what it was so let me ramble about it in the tags a bit
#there was this bioluminescent and also biotoxic creature in a city at night#it was bipedal sort of humanoid shaped but with definitive deep sea features#it had that transparent skin and flesh and body with bioluminescing highlights#which i have no idea how it worked because the entire dream took place in a city enviroment on very much dry land but it's a dream innit#the face was definitely not human more a jumble of fishy features#it was gorgeous btw in a humanoid monster sort of fascinating way#it had this weird feel to it that it's something very old that should not be here now.. some sort of reminiscence of a bygone era#i might try to draw it but i don't know how successful i'd be to be honest#anyway so i was part of a group (don't know what kind exactly) and i never seen any of them i just knew they existed#and there was this innate knowledge that the creature was kind of hunting or more like luring us but we also were hunting it#i don't know if it did something to us before or we just had this unexplainable pull towards it but we definitely were fixated on it#and it was supposed to be a big threat even just by existing and walking around but also would have been bad if it was dead#but i don't know why was it so bad because the “toxicity” of the creature wasn't lethal it just made you stuck in a blissful delirious stat#just by being too close to it and which in most cases would fade when it moved away so the other alternative felt way worse#cuz if it would die something else would have gotten loose which would have been worse than the delirium#it was some sort of unstoppable deadly madness i think.. at least that was what i felt the dream eluded to#and i think we wanted to neutralize it somehow but we had no idea how to avoid disaster that surely would come if it dies#but it would have also revitalize nature on a basically divine scale by giving it's body back to it so there was this dilemma the whole tim#but none of us would have any answers so we just followed this inner draw regardless of the uncertainty#and the entire dream was basically us lureing the creature somewhere but simultaniously it was somehow luring us in as wel#to the same spot#it was a vast moonlit fieald outside of city bounds surrounded with tall dark trees and the sky was littered with stars#and a sharp cliff to one side#so we arrived there and we were standing on opposite sides and look towards each other#but looking into the creatures eyes literally woke me up#there was a noise it made and i know i understood it as words inside the dream but i can't remember what it was after waking just the noise#and that was it#it wasn't long i think tho it felt that way
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can you believe at one point hitoya thought video games were childish but now, not only is he excited to play with his team, he also clears them lmao
#vee queued to fill the void#the arb chronicles#i have a recurring dream where i play arb on an arcade cabinet and had it again last night lol#hence the post lol#i bet i had it too bc of the hypquest event and jyushi dying in it lmao#anyway i still think about the 3gumi splatoon event where hitoya bought that game and was excited to play with kuukou and jyushi#but he traumatised them so bad they actually ran away from him LOL#the continuity bat has in arb (and the other divisions lol) is so much fun lol
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Eight years ago this month, I started talking with a mutual on here (through fanmail of all horrible forms of communication), and it changed me and my life. K had a big impact on anyone he ever met, and I am only one of many people who are missing him, many with more to grieve than me. I have never laughed so much as I did on the phone with you every night, K. You were the most ridiculous, big-hearted man in the world, and my soulmate and my everything. You were that to a lot of people. I wish I could tell you about my house and my garden and my chickens and my little dog, and most pressingly, I wish I could open a conversation with "bidet mate" just to hear you wheeze laugh. I don't think you'd forgive me for that one. We never got that homestead in the mountains we dreamed about when I was 21, and you didn't make it to 30. None of that is fair. I loved and love you, K. Always will.
#and i still can't fully articulate it#sowwy for the griefpost on main#i had a bad dream last night that i was always a few steps behind him#and i always will be#k#he gave me the knife new years day 2016#and of course he cackled while I pulled it from its sheath and said NOW THATS A KNAIFE grinning like an idiot#i oiled it the other day and hung it up#it's a colt bowie and it's the most useless knife in the world#you dundee motherfucker i miss you like an evisceration
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Thinking so much. About Zooble being okay with reassuring me that they won't leave me. They don't care if they have to remind me a thousand times. They just want to make sure I know they love me and that they genuinely do want to be with me <:]
#thinking about how they know I have a major fear of being abandoned again and know that I need the reassurance#seeing them shipped eith others so often is. Not great for my mental health lol#also had a bad dream the other night about them leaving me so that didn't help me at all :[#but imagining them helping me to Not spiral and reassuring me that they would never leave me for anyone else helps me feel better <3#it's definitely made it easier to cope with this stuff#also it's probablg easier to cope now because I'm not like. having an unspecified mental illness moment lol
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.....
#i just think after like the 3rd feast hades hosts in the underworld#a real bad fight errupts between the olypians that destroys half their dining hall#and later zagreus comes up to his parents like whew those olpyians can be a lot huh#and hes hit by that royal underworld stare 😐#anyways#2 things#hades knows hermes and hypnos gossip....'well So and So had a dream the other night about sleeping with SOMEBODYS wife!' ' and then HERA...'#and during feasts hades has hypnos sit next to a god who currently going thru some beef with someone#like a ticking time bomb that u detonate in the middle of dinner by loudly coughing to wake up sleep incarnate#so he can turn to his neighbor and go 'crazy seeing u at this party. given what ___ said about u the other day#and it jump starts a fight that gives hades an excuse to kick out his family earlier#persephone could pit an end to it but.....theres just some nights her mother is too overbearing#and she has to shoot her husband a look so he can start coughing#hypnos gets paid overtime at these things AND gets extra breaks during his normal hours#hermes doesnt know this is what his gossip is being used for because hes always with charon at these events
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read the scratch upd8. little too close to home
#tw vent#in tags at least#when i was reading hs like 3 ish years ago i related a lot to vriska and terezi cause i was in what i think was a really destructive#friendship qpp thing with my best friend online and a boy who liked both of us but mostly her.i was incredibly isolated irl as was my friend#and all my other online friends. i really should have seen that something bad could happen but i didnt and i got into a really deep#depression for like 3 months after but. my dearest friend girl decided to start befriending a 30 yo man and i. like an idiot. followed her#like a lovesick puppy even though all the warning bells were going off. we were in a gc with him that we texted in at all times of the day &#night and we shared selfies and dreams and our daily problems with isolation or hw or whatever. he got more and more creepy and my dearest#friend lashed out at him because she was scared while i sort of stopped talking as much because i was scared but. he still talked to me lots#in dms. he talked shit about the authority figures in our lives and isolated us from our ither online friends he made creepy picrews of me &#my friend getting married and he talked about moving in with us one day. we blocked him but sometimes he still tries to contact me. after it#blew up my friend left me and discord which is probably best and after my depression time i eventually got an irl friend or two but. i never#got over it. he did it to other people too we found out later. he always complimented me on being so sharp and talented and it was nice caus#it was really my first compliment from an adult who wasnt my family and. ig it got to my 14 yo head. anyways. the update made me cry. i had#read that it was bad and knew it would be bad for me specifically cause doc scratch always reminds me of that time in my life but. i didnt#think it would be that bad. i dont blame hs2 creators or anyone else and ig im glad i braved the storm but it was really painful to read#gonna go watch a more light hearted thing now.#if anyone sees this dw ill get over it#anyways. believe the warnings this update is very triggering and you can skip it if you want#glad i have like 5 followers rip
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Not my ex being spitefully childish online about me having the small Blahaj while they have the big one 😭
"Oh my god yours is so small compared to mine lmao someone got scammed" he is my SON and I LOVE him even if he is short!! I'm short too, [REDACTED]!!! He is BABEY!!!!!
He is such a soft lil guy and I'm glad he's the size he is cause I can take him EVERYWHERE you southern fried FUCK--
Bonus:
#I'm extremely obsessed with my Blahaj#I waited for him for 2 months cause he got stuck in China#he's friend shaped...#I suffer really bad from insomnia and I fell asleep for like an hour at 2pm the other day after staying up all night#and my mum woke me up#and was like#“Corpse your shark is here”#and I remember unwrapping him and then just immediately passing out again with him in my arms#I woke up a few hours later after I had dreamt he'd turned up#so I was really sad like “dammit it was all a dream :( I wish he was here”#and I moved my blanket and!!#he!!#he was there!!#I was so so happy I love him so much it's unreal#I've heard Blahaj is great but this is my emotional support shark now#I've only had Blahaj for a day and a half and if anything happened to him I'd kill everyone in this room and then myself#tw swearing#blahaj#actually trans#trans#transgender#transmasc#shark#ikea blahaj#excuse my messy floor I'm really fucking depressed#... /hj#also adhd that doesn't help
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This is also something that happened yesterday on the drive up to Perry. It was a genuinely close call. 😳😵💫
#it was very surreal to watch that crash occur in the rear view mirror#i did not pull over to help and feel bad i hope other people did#i was too busy speeding forward to get out of the way#i was in the rental when this occurred not new wanda#anyway this is my reminder to you to never drive in someones blind spot#speed up or slow down a little to stay a safe visible distance ok#wear your seatbelts secure your pets luv u#i had dreams last night that new wanda got hurt in an accident
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i wake up to find that i just got a salary increase out of nowhere
........
just time to buy (more) crystals for wrio! <3
#rin rambles#im so sorry im so down bad i cant i'm oh gods hearing him in the trailer made me fall so hard jskfjsldjlsjdls#this is more of a /j bc i probably will have to use it for other stuff but#the timing#and just when i got some artis for him yesterday too hskfjskjfls#man wants to come home I JUST KNOW IT#also i had a dream about him last night so
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ok actually i think kova would like tennis quite a bit
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not to get personal and talk about my mental health but im getting personal and talking about my mental health bcus i need to get this off my chest in an indirect way where there is a degree of separation between myself and whoever is listening to my plight. im currently in a strange predicament where i obviously need medical help for my severe anxiety but my anxiety is so severe that i cannot contact any doctors about it
#i am experiencing heart palpitations pretty frequently due to my anxiety#i can often feel my own heart pounding against my ribcage#and feel my heartbeat in my arms & neck so hard that it distracts me#i couldnt sleep last night bcus of how hard & fast my heart was pumping#it was at 100+ bpm while laying down & trying to sleep#and then during the nap i took this morning i had stress dreams of my worst fear rn#and my worst fear is people i am not familiar with entering my home#not even just strangers. the other week my cousin came over but i havent seen my cousin in years#and i avoided her so fucking much that i didnt even SEE her. i didnt apeak to her. i heard her voice ONCE from another room#and hearing her voice was enough to set off my anxiety so fuckin bad i ended up taking a double dose of my meds that i cant get refilled#the last time i had a physical check up in like. 2022. my pulse was at 117bpm while i was sitting down making casual conversation with them#i cant tell if im actually developing a heart problem or if its all stemming from my anxiety#even just typing this all up my hands are shaking and im starting to sweat#krav talks
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going on a clothing website because the youtuber I'm watching was sponsored by them for a video and knowing I'll never look good in any of these clothes >>>
#listen inside me is a fashion girlie because my whole general vibe and build does not match it. has never lined up#whenever I wear cute feminine clothing I feel like I'm playing pretend and ugly and shit like I want so bad to think I look good in that#kind of stuff but I can't and I never will it's fucking EXHAUSTING... like I want to wear all these cute outfits I see and can make up#in my head and wear cute makeup but I feel like such a fraud and a fake while done up like that#I had a dream the other night my hair was longer again and I was in a dress and flat chested and it was referred to as drag#like me in those clothes and makeup it was said I was in drag. like hi hello#IT FUCKING SUCKSSSS I want to be able to wear all this stuff but I just. fucking hate how much of an imposter I feel when I wear them
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*has a dream about falling in love with this random made up person and happily dating* Maybe i should try hinge again...
#been bad fellas. had just a make out dream the other night which is so much worse than just having a sex dream.#i can handle those just fine. but a making out...falling in love....Desperate.#news with isaac
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youtube
#diana's music diary#good evening I'm a bit fucked rn#last night was so fun but my body feels like complete shit#would do it again but next time I need to drink more water I think cause oughh the pain#psychedelicks are based as fuck though I never felt any nausea even though that's supposed to be common for what I took#did my extraction and removing of the nauseating compounds well i g 😊 ...or my nausea meds helped idk... ahaha...#as for today I'm... playing lethal company with some friends which tbh idk much about other than it being a monster game#supposed to be like phasmophobia or something?#anyway yuh it seems fun enough but I'm a bit out of it still both from pain and just the side effects hitting @@#hopefully that passes for our project moon ttrpg later... took three diff pain medicines cause it's p bad awawa...#excited to play Frei again... it has been so long... i hope he gets poisoned and dies cause he's the worse OC I have (affectionate)#anyway let's try and make today good friends... love you all... ow...#oh yeah I passed out listening to draining love story and ohgh... was such a good experience while so fucked up... had such vivid dreams...
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I don't care about the long-term negative effects of chronic stress, I care about the short term one of all my dreams being horrendous and bad and full of situations that I can't win
#em overshares#this is like the 5th night in a row that i have had dreams where i set out to fulfill a task and am unable to! or the end result is off!#sang a wonderful folk song about a whale but was ultimately unable to find and befriend it#became the proud owner of a Car that is Big Enough for my Belongings but lost them all and now i live there#had terrible sex :/#helped watch someone's cat but they told me he eats plain pasta for dinner and i got sad#on a road trip with my parents and my tires were flat but we couldn't exit the highway and I got pulled over#i am sure im missing some other weird scenarios that my mind has created to make sure my sleep is as unfulfilling as being awake#anyway sorry for over sharing and mentioning sex (a thing many people do and have. except when /I/ talk about it im Gross)#oh wait no i remembered another scenario#having to have sleepovers at people's houses that i barely know so im always uncomfortable and feel bad asking for a glass of water#anyway dream Me is going through it
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