#i had alot of fun reading this and was feeling nostalgic

[mirai-e-jump]

Animage May 2024 Issue ft. Sakai Taisei x Higuchi Kouhei Interview (translation below)

Publication: April 10, 2024

A battle between the Kings and Dons?!

Everyone in King-Ohger and Donbrothers have died?! The series two most unique Super Sentai perform together in a dream collaboration! Both Reds talk about the unexpected turn of events that await in the V-Cinext!

Standing up to the danger that threatens Chikyu is Ohsama Sentai King-Ohger. Exterminating monsters born from human desires is Avataro Sentai Donbrothers. The members of these two Sentai, for one reason or another, have lost their lives, and have gathered in the Land of Death, Hakabaka!

King-Ohger VS Donbrothers, which is a crossover between "Ohsama Sentai King-Ohger" and "Avataro Sentai Donbrothers," will appear on screen as a double feature with King-Ohger VS Kyoryuger.

King-Ohger is characterized by its fantastic worldview set in six kingdoms, while Donbrothers focused not only on the heroes battles, but also on everyday drama. The one thing in common with both shows, which are completely different in style, is that all of the Sentai members have really strong personalities. Even though the members clash with each other, there's no way they could get away with it if it were any other Super Sentai…

It begins with a life or death struggle set in Hakabaka! From there, what unexpected things will happen to them? We hope you'll come to the theater to see the story unfold between the Kings and Avataros, who are guided by a strange fate.

We're the "only ones" at full power!!

-The chance encounter between two major Super Sentai that "wouldn't be interesting even if you imagined it"-

"When you heard about the details of this film, what kind of story did you expect it to be?"

Sakai: I honestly had no idea what would happen if "Ohsama Sentai King-Ohger" and the unique "Avataro Sentai Donbrothers" were to get involved with each other. I was looking forward to seeing how the script would turn out, and after seeing that, among other things, everyone dies, I thought it was quite an interesting story (laughs). While the setting of the story takes place on the King-Ohgers side, it was more like we had entered the world of Donbrothers, so it was exciting to film.

Higuchi: I couldn't imagine what would happen either, and thought it wouldn't be interesting even if I did try to imagine it. It's the same case with the current "Bakuage Sentai Boonboomger," but I thought that because the staff are thinking about various things and taking on new challenges, they'd produce a work that our minds couldn't imagine. When I actually read the script, it turned out to be as troublesome as ever (laughs). I once again felt that this was the quality of Donbrothers, and there were alot of lines that made me feel, "This is how I felt back then." It was both fun and nostalgic, and made me look forward to filming.

"What were your impressions of each other's team after working together this time? In particular, Gira and Tarou had alot of scenes together."

Sakai: I felt that there were quite a few similarities between them and the King-Ohger team. Kouhei told me that the Donbrothers team had gotten along well for a whole year without any major problems, and just like us, they're very close. I thought that Kouhei must've been a wonderful leader for Donbrothers. Kouhei usually has a playful image, but he's very stoic in his performance. In the scenes where we interact with each other, we were trying to match the emotion the other was feeling, so it was really fun to play.

Higuchi: Since everyone in the King-Ohger cast is alittle older than the Donbrothers cast, I felt that they gave off an extremely relaxed vibe. I got the impression that they fit the colors of King-Ohger, and that there was alot of enthusiasm among them. Also, there was a feeling of "moving forward together," and I felt that it must've been Taisei, who served as leader for a year, who created that atmosphere. Taisei's a cheerful person who's straightforward in his acting, so I think all the cast members in King-Ohger also found him very easy to work with. In the scenes where we performed together, I could feel that Taisei had been thinking alot about Gira over the past year and what he's been fighting for, and that he enjoyed playing him.

"You seemed to also enjoy talking during the photo shoot, but was there anything that brought you closer together?"

Sakai: Kouhei approached me, which was helpful since I'm not really that talkative, and thanks to him, I feel like it made things much easier.

Higuchi: But, that was because I liked Taisei's humanity and wanted to get along with him. As I started talking to him, we became as we are now.

"So you naturally hit it off."

Sakai & Higuchi: That's right.

-Looking at the dialogue and battles of our overpowered heroes-

"Higuchi-san, which character from King-Ohger interested you, and Sakai-san, which character from Donbrothers interested you?"

Higuchi: I thought all six of them were pretty cool, but…..it's still Gira. We're both Red, and I was impressed by the strong appeal of his eyes. I think there are many scenes that were captured well thanks to Gira's eyes.

Sakai: It's Don Momotaro. We're both fellow Reds, and just as I was able to do my best with the support of the people who've been with me for the past year, I feel that Kouhei experienced the same thing as he passed the baton to me, so I respect him for it. Also, Don Momotaro is simply the coolest.

Higuchi: He's cool, huh!

"Please tell us about some of the most memorable moments from filming."

Higuchi: The difference in vibe of the costumes that I felt in the scenes where we performed together was striking. The costumes in Donbrothers have a sense of realism, so when someone like Saruhara Shinichi enters the world of King-Ohger, he really looks out of place (laughs). It was interesting to feel things like the difference in flavor these two productions have.

Sakai: The scene where the King-Ohgers and Donbrothers confront each other was memorable, because while this was our first time meeting them, I felt like we were united. Also, I enjoyed the fact that Gira was able to get into situations that were very Donbrothers like.

"Sakai-san, is there anything you'd like to ask Higuchi-san, your Super Sentai senior?"

Sakai: What would it be……in our case, Kaku So-san is a very caring person who became the center of the six of us and connected us all together. I'm alittle curious on how the members of Donbrothers, who are very close, came to have the relationship they have now.

Higuchi: It probably wasn't just any guy, but everyone in Donbrothers. Everyone had a strong desire to get along with each other, and since no one was putting up any barriers, I felt like we were able to close the distance pretty quickly.

"Conversely, is there anything Higuchi-san would like to tell Sakai-san?"

Higuchi: This is speaking from personal experience, but from now on, when you go to other sets, I think you'll experience not being able to remove yourself from the role.

Sakai: Yeah, you told me about that.

Higuchi: This phenomenon happens only because you've been seriously and straightforwardly tackling the role for more than a year. Taisei, I hope that you'll move on when playing a new role, and to be conscious of, "Is this too similar to Gira?"

"Once again, please tell us some highlights of the film."

Higuchi: Transformation scenes are the real thrill of tokusatsu productions, and I personally look forward to watching their transformations after such a long time. In 10 or 20 years, we might return, but for now, this'll be the last time you'll see the Donbrothers transformation scene. I definitely want you to watch our transformation.

Sakai: As Kouhei said, I want the transformation scene to be burned into your eyes, and I hope you'll pay attention to the dialogue and struggles between our strong characters. Both King-Ohger and Donbrothers are full of characters with strong personalities. I'm also looking forward to seeing the completed footage to see what the two Super Sentai will look like when they unite.

"Finally, a message to the fans who have supported Momoi Tarou and Gira Husty."

Higuchi: I was saved by the line, "We've formed a bond," and experienced a year that made me feel the importance of bonds. The words, "We've formed a bond" also appear in this film, so please come to the movie theater to search for that "bond".

Sakai: I personally think that the character of Gira was created by Scriptwriter Takamina-san taking into account both my own personality and the opinions of the fans. In other words, I feel that this is a character and production that we've created together with everyone, and for that, I'm very grateful. Thank you for your support over the past year!! _

Q: What other heroes would you want to do a VS with?

It'd be ShinkenRed and GokaiRed. Tarou has an arrogant personality, so it'd be better for him to clash with the types of Reds who bring everyone together, as I feel like it'd create some fresh drama and make things more interesting. (-Higuchi)

It's not Sentai, but I loved "Kamen Rider Kuuga" when I was a kid, so I'd love to work together with Kuuga. He's also a stag beetle hero like Gira (laughs). (-Sakai) _

(page 116, bottom first) Encountering Warriors A highlight is the joint performances of the two major Sentai members! Pay attention to the combination of those appearing together, such as Gira and Tarou, whose common point is royalty, and Kijino, who faces off against Suzume and the lovey dovey Racules.

(bottom second) Why?! Face to Face Confrontation! Why are the King-Ohgers and Donbrothers even fighting? The differences in the members personalities are also evident in the way they fight. Don't miss a single moment of this unbelievable super battle!

(page 117, top right) Great Gathering! The Invincible Super Stars In "King-Ohger VS Kyoryuger," which will be screened at the same time, Ohsama Sentai King-Ohger will reunite with Zyuden Sentai Kyoryuger, who they fought together with in episodes 32 and 33. This time, all members, including Kiriyu Daigo/KyoryuRed, played by Ryusei Ryo-san, miraculously come together. What will happen to Daigo and the others who set off in pursuit of the Uchu King Dagded? Can they restore the history of the Royal Sentai that's been changed? Don't miss the fierce battle for the fate of Chikyu and Earth!

(middle left) Golden x Golden = The Strongest! During battle, they acquire new forms, with KuwagataOhger becoming GolDon KuwagataOhger, and Don Momotaro becoming GolDon MomotaroOhger. What will their abilities be?

[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Mini Series

ENHYPEN as Taylor Swift Songs

STYLE

synopsis: sim jaeyun is your style, your type of guy. mainly the reason why despite the complicated relationship with him, you seem to always find it hard to make him leave and finding yourself with the same ending.

pairings: jake sim x reader

word count: 9k.

warnings: a pinch of angst, suggestive (a little). jake being clingy and touchy. hint of cheating. grammatical errors. let me know if i missed some.

fic moodboard › here

note: i'm actually surprised that this fic is not as long as i expected it to be, but anyway i had fun writing it so i hope you enjoy reading. style is one of my favorite queen taylor's songs so i really did think alot about the plot for this and of course the jake sim fits it so well. i love him so much. please re-blog and send me asks. i would really appreciate your kind feedbacks. thank you and ily. stay safe.

“Lee Y/n made it to headlines after the announcement of her partaking in this new big series coming up this fall. She will be the main female lead for this upcoming drama and people are on fire. They are so happy about the casting and couldn’t wait for it to be aired. Wah,” your friend exclaimed with exaggerated look on her face while she reads an article through her phone.

Shaking your head lightly with a grin on your face, you gently moving your wine glass you are holding. The sweet aroma of the liqour made it into your nose causing for you to feel more relaxed. It was addictive and somehow nostalgic.

“You really did it this comeback.” she couldn’t hide the excitement through her voice as she giggles and continued scrolling on her phone.

“Well, my management did a great job on choosing this project.” the humble comment made her scoffed before playfully throwing chips at your direction.

“Oh come on Ms. Humble of Korea, give yourself more credits.” she jokes and smiled widely at you.

“You know you deserve this, right?” her tone this time is softer, letting you know how sincere she is. You can’t help but to return her wholesome gaze as you went close to her for a hug.

These months have been rough for you and only few people in your life knows about it. Your bestfriend, (name), are one of these people. You admit that this project is the biggest one so far that you’ll be working on. It makes you nervous and worry of how it will turn out, but excitement tops all of it. All in all, you’re just happy to be back on track. Glad to finally be back on doing what you love to do.

Being out from the big screen for months was no joke. A lot of questions are formed and articles starts to appear out of nowhere. Vogue speculations and rumors media creats aboutyou to gain attention was horrendous. That’s one of the things you hate in the field you are in. You love your work, there’s no doubt with that. It’s just it drains your energy most of the time. Having your movements being watched by a lot of people all the time sucks big time. Surely, showbiz isn’t for the weak.

“Oh, great.” you snaps out of your trance when your friend spoke again. She looks a little annoyed while still on her phone. Seems like she’s looking at something that caught her attention.

“Look who’s back in the country.” she flips her phone to face you and your eyes squints a bit because of the brightness. Once adjusted, your eyes focused on the article flashing through her screen. Big bold letters caught your attention right away.

‘ENHYPEN back in the country after a successful world tour. The group said to be having rest after a very successful world tour and then prepare for their next come back. Read more...’ it read. You gulped and felt your heart race after reading it. The picture attached bellow the heading was the latest picture of the said group departing an airport from america.

Your eyes locked on the guy with a black mullet hair. His slightly tanner skin makes him extra noticeable when he stood beside one of his fair skinned members. Flashes of cameras reflects through his big doe eyes that makes him look so innocent. Contrary to this was his sinful looking plump lips that lies beneath his pointy nose. Jake Sim, sure is breathtaking.

Its been months ever since the last time you’ve seen him and now that he’s back in the country, it makes you feel a lot of things. Things that only him can execute.

You are snapped out from your thoughts when your friend pulled the phone away, instant regret glints her face. Her eyes are squinting at you, staring as if she just caught you doing a heinous crime. Feeling flushed from being too affected by the article and your friend entirely knowing what’s going on inside your head, you glanced away before clearing your throat.

“Seriously, get over him.” she sighs sounding a little frustrated.

Well, can you blame her? She just knew how things between you and Jake are very intricate. The two of you announced a public break up months ago. The fans, although felt sad about it, didn’t really got too affected by it because that isn’t the first time it happened.

You’re known as one of the rising young actress in your generation. Because of your undeniably talent with acting and your beauty, people sure loves seeing you on screens.

On the other hand, Jake Sim. Oh how to properly start on describing him... It feels easy and difficult at the same time. Easy, because you knew him very well and difficult because you might blabber things unconsciously due to overwhelming emotions.

Jake Sim’s name is very loud on the industry of music. Their group, Enhypen, is making big all over the whole world right now. And you think that they do deserve the fame and all since they are indeed talented.

If he’s amazing on camera, Jake is just dreamy behind them.

He is definitely your ideal type. Tall, handsome, smart, can sing and dance, good physique, have a very sexy accent, soft spoken, loves animals specially dogs, family oriented, financially stable and a complete gentlemen. What more can you ask, right? He’s definitely the one for you. He’s 100%, no doubt, your style.

“Its easier said than done.” your eyes dropped on your glass of wine and slowly, you took a sip.

Awkward silence follows after and your friend could not help but feel slightly bad for bringing up Jake. Her hand moves even before her brain could stop her when she showed you that article. Maybe she just got used to showing everything that has got something to do with the said idol.

To describe your relationship with Jake won’t be easy. Yes, you may agree that the two of have feelings for each other. People always says you two are soulmates, puzzle pieces that completes the whole picture and a very cute couple. You can’t deny that being with him brings tremendous joy within you and that you are happy together, but you couldn’t find the right answer as to why you two always fall apart.

When your gaze drifts towards her, she opens her mouth to say something only to be interrupted by a faint ‘ding’ sound from your phone. A text message from someone just saved you two from an awkward silence. Brows furrowed out of confusion, you pulled out your phone to see who texted you.

And your heart almost drops and palms instantly sweats at the sight of a contact name you haven't seen for a while. After clearing your throat that felt extra dry despite having sips of wine, you sets your glass over the center table to prevent any possible accident.

Jake Sim: Hey.

One word text message was enough to shake your whole system up. To think that he have this much effect on you kind of pisses you off. This isn’t how it suppose to be. His name shouldn’t bother you this way and he should’ve been blocked by now.

You draws in a sigh, trying to calm youself down. A glance over your friend gave you an assurance that she’s now busy with her phone again. You utter your silent prayers that she didn’t saw your reaction just now. She would’ve known what its all about right away.

You: ?

You are biting your nails consciously while (im)patiently waiting for him to text back. It didn’t took him long and you felt a bit dizzy just by thinking he’s waiting for your reply too. Its making your heart beat crazily fast.

Jake: Where are you?

Throat feeling dry once again, you gulped and licked your lips because they felt a little dry as well. As to why is still a question for you.

You: Why?

After the message was sent, the small ‘read’ word plastered below it. Right away, he was typing his reply. He seems eager. To think that it was you he was longing for you is making you tremble in excitement. Even no matter how hard you deny you missed him, you knew deep down that you are feeling incomplete without Jake Sim.

You are missing him too much and having him texting you right now has dug that feeling you've buried the moment you stopped seeing each other.

Jake: I’m at your apartment’s parking lot.

That was it. All it took for you to go stumbling your way to prepare youself was his last text message. Thankfully, you didn’t trip while hurrying over your bedroom to fetch some jacket. Walking pass by your big full length mirror, you went back to check if you look decent enough to make Jake Sim crazy.

You’re currently wearing your usual sexy silk night dress. This is how you dress to sleep or whenever you stay in your apartment so there’s no issue showing like this to Jake Sim. The amount of times he had seen you in these type of clothes was uncountable.

You have to use a jacket to cover up since you have to go use the elevator. Even if this building is usually occupied by celebrities, you don’t want to give a bad impression of dressing scandalously in a cold night.

Your friend who you left at the living room is now crossing her arms at you, head tilted over to the side waiting for the right timing to question your sudden odd behavior.

A bright smile is what you flashed to her, trying so hard to hide the fact that you are feeling so nervous to how you will tell her without gaining any suspicion.

“Are you going to be fine here? I’ll just go out to go b-buy something.” and you top it with yet another sweet smile. This type of acts should be easy for you. You’re an actress for Godsake, but maybe she just knew you so well that’s why it clearly didn’t work.

She rolled her eyes before starting gathering her stuff. “Where is he?” she asks casually while trying to put some of her belongings inside her bag.

A pout made it to your lips and guilt came rushing through you. She scoffs and crossed her arm once again after hanging the strap on one of her shoulders.

“Make sure no paparazzi will see the two of you. The project just got released and he just got back to the country. Please don’t make it to the headlines tomorrow.” she strictly reminds you.

It made a smile spread across your face before nodding continuously.

“Don’t worry. We’ll be very careful.”

She rolled her eyes again and draws a strained sigh. She just couldn’t understand why you two kept on doing these things.

After she saw you panicking after receiving a message, she already knew who it was. It almost like a routine already that her mind instantly gave her a hint on who you’re going to meet. Honestly, she doesn’t want to let you go. She wanted to ask you to make him leave or stood him up like how you suppose to do, but she knew it will just make you two sneak up even more.

You two are so crazy for one another that’s why its still a mystery for her why you kept on breaking up. If you both can’t live without one another, why not just be mature enough to deal with your issues? She just couldn’t understand.

With a hood pulled up to the head and a mask covering half of your face, both of you steps inside the elevator. It was silent, but not totally awkward. Once you arrived at the underground parking lot, her car can be seen right away so you two walked over there first.

She glanced at you, still trying to keep the strict face on. It kind of wants to make you laugh, but you tried not to.

“Don’t stay up too late since you have a photoshoot tomorrow.” she reminded you like a parent trying to remind her daughter she have school the next day.

You smiled and did a playful salute, “Aye aye captain!”

She scoffs and gave you a quick hug before letting you off. A small wave is what you gave her before walking towards the corner of the parking lot. You're pretty sure if Jake's really here, he's parked at his usual spot. Its ideal to meet up there since its at the far corner and only a few people walks around it.

His familiar car was parked like you expected it to be. Due to the heavy tinted windows, its a bit hard to tell whether he's inside the vehicle or not. Thankfully, your confusion was soon answered when his headlights opened and the engine roars.

To avoid getting too much attention, Jake always comes here to pick you up with no headlights. But the moment you arrive, he will open it so if ever someone follows you to take pictures they will have a hard time capturing a good one.

“Hey,” you greeted the moment you got inside his car and the lock clicked soon right after.

Your heart thumped crazily as you met eyes with Jaeyun. His fluffy hair a bit disheveled only made him more attractive. His smile looked so sweet yet teasing. You have no idea how he does that, but he sure knows how to drive you even more crazy.

“Hi gorgeous.” his sudden compliment made your cheeks flushed.

“What are you doing here, Sim Jaeyun?” he chuckled lightly at the sound of his government name falling from your lips. Your sweet lips. God, how much he missed kissing them.

He got easily distracted as his eyes settled over your lips that you quickly catch on. After a sigh, your eyes racked down from his handsome face to the clothes he was wearing causing for a crease to appear over your forehead.

“Wait, did you went here straight from the airport?”

You noticed that he was wearing the same clothes he have at the article your friend showed you. It was when they departed from the airport. The shirt he's wearing inside is the same one from the picture and the coat he used to cover it, abandoned at the backseat of his car.

Jake smiles and the way his eyes batted slowly confirmed it. Now you realized how he looked so tired, the circles below his eyes are visible.

“Yes. I've missed you so I figured I go straight here.”

“Are you crazy?”

He chuckles, enjoying the way you sounded so worried. “I might really go crazy if I didn’t came here to see you.” his tone so serious, eyes still fixed at you.

His words and the way his stares lingers made you blush so hard. Still trying to conceal it with keeping a straight face, you cleared your throat and glanced away from him. That's when you finally take a proper breath. You didn't even realized you've been holding your breath since you entered his car.

“Come on, baby.” the familiar pet name awoke something inside your chest, an emotion.

Your eyes trailed from outside his car towards back him. His eyes looked hooded as he gently reached over you, the warmth of his hands over your skin felt amazing.

“Can I at least have a hug? Didn't you miss me?” his lips pouts and its a sinful scene for you. Jake knew how much you love his lips and he's doing this on purpose.

After letting out a sigh, you slowly leaned your body near him so you can give the hug he was asking for, only to be surprised when his arm slid over your waist smoothly carrying you to make you sit on his lap. A yelp escapes your mouth at what suddenly happened. You are taken off guatd and he's enjoying every bits of it.

Your eyes squints and you glared at him, you rest both of your hand over his upper chest to support your weight as you try to get off him.

“Nah, you're not going anywhere.” he mumbles. The grin on his face grew as he held your hips firmly, refraining you from moving again.

“Jake!” you screamed and felt your whole face burning when he buried his face over your neck, nuzzling and inhaling your scent.

The feeling of his lips in contact of your bare skin is making you dizzy. Jake's eyes looks up while he place feathery kisses at your neck. Seeing you trying to conceal the pleasure you feel from what he's doing is making him smirk.

Slowly, you stopped resisting and just let him have his way over you. As usual.

With eyes shut tight, you let out a strained sigh. “I m-missed you.” you admits.

The grin on Jake's face widen, “I know, sweetheart.” he confidently stated.

Now that’s him. Jake Sim is very confident. He knew where he stands in your life and took grounds over it. He knows how to play his cards in the game he already mastered. Like a predator that have his prey captured and just waiting for the right time to take them in.

You bit your lip, trapping it between your teeth then pulled away slightly to see his face. He leans back, eyes settling on yours, looking sleepy and tired. He smirked and both of his hands moves up to hold your waist, thumb softly caressing it distracting you gradually.

You raised your hand to brush his hair making him close his eyes, feeling so good from your touch.

“It's been a while since I have even heard from you.” you mumble, a hint of distress exists on your tone.

“The tour kept me busy, baby.” he reasoned.

“Busy enough to even contact me once?”

He opened his eyes, half-lidded and a big smirk present on his handsome face. He looked dangerously sexy in front of you and you just couldn’t explain why its making your knees weak.

“You broke up with me, why would I bother reaching out?” his tone taunting you. He was being sarcastic and you know it very well.

Jake knew. He knew so well that the main reason why he didn’t try to reach out is because he might miss you too much. It won’t be too good for the tour if he’ll be distracted. Afterall, you are the only person that can drive him full on crazy mode.

A pout made it to your lips, “I,” your words halt, unable to defend yourself from his blow. It was true and there’s nothing you can say to back up your statement.

Jake took notice of your silence so he lets out a sigh, trying to dismiss the heavy atmosphere that caging both of you.

“Can we go up to your unit? I want to spend the night with you.” he touched your chin slightly and you are left with no choice, but to nod your head.

You two walks inside the building and wait patiently in front of the lift. Jake stood too closely behind you, a hand inside his pocket while the other one rests over your waist. He's wearing his hoodie and a cap, face covered with a mask.

Whenever you two splits up, its usually you who calls it off. Days or a week will pass and you two will slowly find yourself meeting each other again then get back together like nothing happened. In between those, Jake's name will be linked with women from the industry, but his company was always quick to deny it. Then you two will enjoy your time together, fight again, then you'll break it off. The same cycle repeating continuously like a routine.

Maybe you two are still immature? You have no idea. But one thing's for sure, no matter how complicated things between Jake and you got, you always find your way back to each other.

Jake's eyes follows you silently, waiting patiently while you go and close the light of the room. He's already on your bed, changed into his clothes he left in your apartment months ago and already prepared to get that good sleep he's been deprived of.

“What?” you asked him as you take off the jacket you're wearing. You noticed how he just laid there and watch your every move.

His eyes moved from your face down to what you are wearing. Jake gulped and felt like sleep is slowly trying to leave his system, another feeling getting awoken by how beautiful you look. The little light emitting from the lamp beside your bed was enough to give him this glorious vision of you.

“You look so damn gorgeous.” his accent popped the moment he gave that compliment.

Your cheeks blushed right away, “No, you will sleep tonight.” your firm words almost made the man on your bed groan out of frustration.

“Come on, baby.”

You shake your head ‘no’. “Jake, you looked so tired. Sleep.”

“One round?” he asked giving you his puppy eyes, pretty lips turns into a pout.

“Jake,”

He chukles and opens the blanket for you, “Fine, come here then.”

You didn't move and kept your eyes at him, a little suspicious if he's not trying to trick you or anything. He giggled sexily, making you almost lose your mind.

‘Oh Jake Sim.’

“I promise not to do anything funny. I just really want to cuddle and feel your warmth.”

You let out a sigh and decided to climb up on your bed joining him. He pulls your body closer to his not leaving any space in between. He lets your head rest on his chest and place a kiss on your temple.

His familiar warmth you longed for felt heaven and you knew right away that you will have a very good sleep. You started wondering if this means you two are back together. Even if you're bothered about it, you refrained from asking him so you wouldn't ruin the mood.

“Good night, Jake.” you said instead.

“Good night, beautiful. See you in my dreams.” and he tightens his hug on your body that fits perfectly to his hold.

You shut your eyes, inhaling his scent that sends comfort to you. Jake's breathing became more stable, light snores can be heard from him making your smile grow bigger. He moves a bit and pulled you even closer, nuzzling over you. You two were so close you can basically hear his heartbeat synchronizing with yours.

“This series will be a huge deal for your career, y/n.” the bright look on your manager’s face says a lot. She was obviously excited about it.

You are too. Only, you’re a little distracted.

“Do you think Jake’s dating that girl?” you blurted out of the blue.

It’s been two weeks ever since he spent the night to your unit. As expected, you got too busy with your schedules while he’s trying to make the best out of his resting period.

And looks like he’s enjoying it very much, specially after he’s said to be seen around with his 'new' girl. A lot of articles spreads around the internet on how the idol seems to finally move on from you.

This isn’t the first time his name got involved with someone else or the first time people suspects him of dating someone else after calling it off with you. But this is the first time his company is not denying any of it.

It’s already been a day after the news broke out and normally, his company should’ve released a statement saying that it was just rumors and that is not true. But, none. Their side is silent and its bothering you big time.

In a speed of light, your manager's face turn into a frown. The hand holding your contact rested lazily beside her. The excitement over her system slowly draining out of her.

“Why are you thinking about him? He should be the least of your concern right now! You’ve been casted as the main lead of this new hot kdrama and today will be the official release of the trailer you two worked on a week ago.”

Your lips turned into a pout and eyes trailed off from her, guilt filled you because despite of hearing her points you couldn’t stop thinking about Jake.

You know how bad your agency worked hard to get you this spot. Of course you take part on doing it since you did the audtion, but you just can’t disregard the effort and time they put into this project.

She sighed, “You need to get yourself busy to take him off from your mind.” she states.

“You have a photoshoot today with your male lead. Focus on how you two will show chemistry later.”

“Ugh.” you groaned.

“You should focus on your leading man! He’s very popular these days and he’s smoking hot.” you almost laugh when you saw how her eyes almost formed hearts.

“He’s years older than me.”

“So? Don’t you think its good since he have more experiences in life and more mature? You can use some maturity in your life, you know?” her words seems very meaningful, like hinting something vougly.

“Do you have a crush on him?” you ask her with a teasing smile now.

She smirks, “Well, who doesn’t? He's tall and handsome. Very well mannered and good at his job too.”

You scoffed and played with the throw pillow beside you, “Jake’s all that too.” you mumbled that didn’t slip from your manager’s ears.

“Move your ass and get in the van now.” she said strictly making you pout even more.

In the end, you had no choice but to get up from the sofa then head outside your company building to go on with your day.

The ride to the set of your photoshoot was short and you arrived in no time. People around looked very busy as they try to make the set look perfect. You roam your eyes in awe, thinking how talented they are for making it so perfectly.

“Hi,” your head snaps to the side and eyes grew a bit big at the sight of your male lead.

He smiles, eyes almost turning into a one line, dimples showing at side of his cheeks. You got a little surprised how his face looked so different whenever he have a straight face compared when he's smiling. Your manager is right. He sure is very handsome.

You gave him a bow and greets him. His eyes stares while he keep his friendly smile. The aura between you two aren’t really awkward. Even when you first met last last week to shoot the trailer, it was easy to get along with him. You don’t know if he’s just really friendly, but he’s so easy to talk to and get along to.

The takes for that trailer was not so bad as well. The directors kept on complimenting the two of you for doing such a great job. The chemistry on screen was no joke, the look on the staffs around was enough to say that the series will surely do good.

“Have you watched the trailer yet?” he asks.

You shake your head 'no'. “I don’t usually watch myself acting because I think its cringey.”

He chuckles and you can’t help but to notice how good he looks whenever he does that.

“I totally relate. I haven’t seen it too.”

You kept your stares at him like as if you don’t believe him. He sighs and smirks, “Fine, I did. But only because my Mom forced me to watch it with her.”

You chuckled after he confessed.

“That’s cute.”

“Me?” the grin over his face made you roll your eyes, pursing your lips to prevent a smile to make its way to your face.

“I meant your Mom.”

“Well they do say I took after my Mom, so basically you are calling me cute too.”

You snorted playfully, “You’re unbelievable.” and you cannot contain the small chuckles anymore.

He smiles even bigger. “I’m telling the truth.”

You nodded your head, “Yeah, okay.”

Eventually, you both are called to your respective dressing rooms to prepare for the shoot. A big smirk plays through your manager’s face when you entered the room. You furrowed your brows, confused.

“What?” one of your make up artists makes you sit down in front of the big mirrors so they can start doing your make-up.

“So,” she starts. “I saw you two talking. You have a crush on him now?”

You rolled your eyes, “We were just making a conversation.”

She nods her head, but it doesn’t look like she’s believing any of your words. “That’s good. That is really good with building your bond and get closer to each other.”

You stayed silent and just let your make up artist do her job. She was called outside by the photographer and you thank God for that because you finally have the peace you’ve planned to have before setting your mind for the shoot.

Unpredicted at all, Jake Sim made his way inside your mind and the recent articles you just read about him. It suddenly starts to make you feel bad, but your manager did oriented you on how you should focus on yourself.

“y/n, try putting your hand on (actor name).” you snapped back to reality and realized that you are in the middle of shoot already.

After your make up, you were called to start the photoshoot and since then you are spacing out. You gulped, feeling embarrased that you actually not focused so you quickly pull yourself together.

Your eyes trailed over to (actor name) and he’s looking at you. “It’s fine, don’t be shy.” he mumbles with a small teasing smile.

With a blushing cheeks, you rolled and rests your hand over his upper chest. While still looking straight to his eyes, you try to keep a pierce look on your eyes making the smile on his face falter a bit.

“That's it! Keep that tension.” you heard the photographer directs, but you are too focused on admiring the man in front of you.

He soon pull himself and felt his hand rests over your waist pulling you even closer to him. The feeling was odd for you. Maybe because this is the first time a different male other than Jake came this close to you.

“I love it! Keep it up!” the voice was so muffled because you are too busy looking at his eyes. You are too drawn by the looks he was giving you. He looked so good with the way his eyes stares and a small smirk playing over his lips.

“You are so beautiful, y/n. Have I ever told you that?” he whispered as he leaned closer making your forehead and nose touch, his breath fanning you.

Your heart thumped harder and could feel your lips shaking a little. For a moment there, you forgot the issue involving Jake and that girl.

The schedule wrapped up nicely. The staffs and directors complimenting you nonstop that sends relief to you. Its good that in spite of being distracted, you still managed to do well.

“You did great today, y/n.” (actor name) came to say goodbye and you just nods your head at him.

He smirks, “You too.” and you gave a small bow.

A scoff escapes his lips. “Come on, no need to be so formal. We’ll be seeing each other more often so let's be friends okay?” and he even messed your hair playfully.

You frowned, “Okay, but first don't do that again.”

He chuckles, clearly delighted seeing a different emotion from you. “Nah, I’ll keep doing it.” he puts his hand inside his pocket as you shoot him glares.

“Bye, see you on monday.” and sends you a small wave as he walks away.

You are still slightly pissed of what he did when you entered your service. Your manager was too happy to your performance that she just continued going on and on about how much you and (actor name) looked good together. Feeling a little tired because of the shoot and her continuous ranting, you tried to shut your eyes.

You got awoken by gentle taps over your arm. Maybe you are really tired because you fell asleep without even realizing it and now you just arrived at your apartment.

“You did well today.” she says and even asked if she should walk you to your floor, which you declined right away.

“Go home and rest, Manager. I’m sure you are as tired as me.” and you gave her an assuring smile. She smiled back and didn’t even manage to stop the yawn from emitting from her lips.

“Alright, sleep well.” and then off she goes.

You took a long bath to refresh yourself and try to prepare for bed. Its odd because even having a very long day, you don't seem sleepy.

While staring blankly outside your apartment window, you heard your phone ringing nonstop. A strained sigh escapes your mouth before strutting closer to where you put your phone.

Your breath hitched at the sight of Jake's caller id. Heart thumping loudly inside your chest, your mind went blank once again. You thought it was your manager. This isn't the call you've expected to receive.

“Hello?” you licked your lips while fidgeting over your fingers.

“I'm here.” you heard his raspy voice from the other line as you walk back to the window to look over the view outside to somehow relax your mind.

With jacket wrapped tightly around your body, you roamed your eyes around the quiet parking lot. It was late already so like expected, nobody else is here.

Your light steps doesn't even make a single sound and you can almost hear your beating heart. By the left corner, you saw Jake's car at its usual spot.

He is really here. No headlights and waiting for you.

Hesitation occurs your mind, trying to rethink if what you're doing is a good idea. Countless times you've told yourself you'll tell Jake off and yet here you are again. Sneaking just to steal moments with him. It felt illegal that your heart is hammering so hard over your chest, but it felt good at some ways you cannot explain.

When you are only steps away from him, he opens his headlights like always and waits patiently inside.

“Hey.” he greeted the moment you make it inside his car. His eyes were hooded and obviously tired, but that didn't even lessen his godly visual. For you, Jake Sim always looks ethereal.

You smiled, blushing. “Hi.” you shortly replied.

His eyes racked from your face down to your body. “You dressed for me and damn, red lips? You sure know how to drive me crazy.” he commented after seeing the dress and red lips you decided to put on after his call. His hand reaches out to pull you closer.

You hitch your breath because of the sudden contact from his warm hands.

“W-What are you doing here?” the tone you used felt a little off for Jake. Even if you seem worried, nervous or anxious whenever meeting him here, he can always hears a hint of excitement from you. But today, there's something off.

“Aren't you happy to see me?” he pursed his pretty lips into a pout and shoot you with his innocent look on his eyes.

The wall you tried to barricade yourself with came crumbling right away. Jake and his ways of getting you are seriously a big problem.

“I a-am.” and your hand rests on top of his hand that is now on your bare thighs.

Jake smiles at the sight of your eyes softening for him.

'There it is.' he quietly mumbles inside his mind. 'There's my girl.' he added. The amount of relief that flows through him was just enough for him to flash you his pretty wide smile.

“Oh, I'm very glad to see you too.” he pulls you closer, leaning too close enough for your noses to rub against each other. It sends shivers to your spine and butterflies to your stomach.

His eyes hooded as he stares dangerously at your lips then back to your eyes, like a predator so hungry for his prey standing right in front of him.

“God, you’re so beautiful.” he uttered under his breath that made you smile with a flushed cheeks.

Your hands moves on their own as they snaked over his nape to pull him even closer, making your lips almost touching. It was tempting to just make it touch, but for Jake this is what he enjoys. The thrill and heart-thumping moments he gets from being with you. He loves and enjoys the way you can excite and make him want more. He just couldn't get enough of you.

“Kiss me.” you whispered like a wish.

Jake chuckles sexily, his hand slowly caress your thighs that adds so much tension between you two.

“You don't even have to ask twice.” and so he crashes his lips to yours causing an outburst of feelings that filled your heart.

After the heated make out session, your night didn’t end to right away. He asks you using his soft tone to put your seatbelt on, even placing yet another hot kiss on your lips before he started putting his seatbelts on too. His car then drove out from your building's underground parking lot.

“Where are we going?” you ask giving him a short glance.

He smiles and rests one of his hand on your thighs, “Check the backseat, baby.”

You blushed because of the petname he used, but you obliged and brows furrowed at the sight of a picnic basket. A mat lies beside it.

“We’ll go to our usual spot?” you couldn’t hide the excitement over your eyes when you ask him that.

His smile grew wider, “Yeah. We haven't been there for a while.”

A pout made its way to your lips. “Yes. We’re too busy.”

The two of you arrived at the top of the hill where you can see the pretty city lights from afar. It was honestly breathtaking and the first time you've seen this view, you fell in love. This is a space that is memorable and special for both you and Jake.

“Have a sit now, princess.” Jake snapped you out from your trance.

When you glanced at him, he have this big proud smile as he presents you the now laid down flatly mat that he prepared. You chuckled and thanked him before settling down. He opened the basket and your eyes soften seeing the familiar food that you enjoyed eating together.

“Aw, you didn't have to prepare this much.”

He smirks, “Anything for you.” and lightly pinches your cheeks before setting down a sandwich he made.

The night went on with just the two of you enjoying each other's company. It doesn't bother you that it was already late at night or if its getting really chilly.

Fade in the view, you stared at the daydream looks on Jake's eyes. With that long hair, slicked back and just a plain white shirt. He sure makes you ecstatic.

He leans closer making you hitch your breath. You let him take over, finally giving in to his soft kisses. Your heart almost burst outside of your chest due to the million emotions only him can make you feel.

“I missed you so much.” he confessed so low like it was something illegal.

Your eyes shut as his forehead rests at yours. The feeling of your heart beating insync together was your solace.

“I missed you too.”

After spending some more time under the bright moon and comforting silence between you, he finally decided to call it a night. You wanted to protest and ask if you two can stay for a little bit more, but refrain yourself from doing so. He helped you get up with a smile and he puts back the things to his car while you admire him silently.

So it goes. The drive on your way back to your apartment, he couldn't even keep his wild eyes on the road. Stealing glance at your side from time to time, like as if checking if you're really there with him.

At the arrival in your place, the lights were off and as he takes off his coat you felt your heart thumped out of excitement that he's here to stay for the night.

“Cuddle me?” it came out more of a request rather than as a suggestion.

You nod, agreeing. Jake went to his usual side of the bed and opens the blanket for you. After making yourself comfortable, head resting over his chest while he draws lazy circles at the small of your back, you speak out your thoughts.

“I've heard that you've been going out with another girl.” you starts and you know he heard you because his fingers stalled for a while.

“What you heard is true,” he starts and he draws in a strained sigh. “But I can't stop thinking about you and I.” he added and felt him pulling you closer.

You let out a sigh, nuzzling closer.

“I've been there too a few times.” and you two fell into silence with a mutual understanding that despite the situation you both get tangled with, its with one another where you find the most comfort.

You know you should tell him to leave cause you know exactly where it leads, but for some reasons you always ends up watching the two of you go round and round each time.

It's not right anymore. The two of you had been here before, but you always find yourself with the same ending. You just don’t understand why in spite of being aware of it, you always find yourself running your way back over to his arms.

‘Jake Sim of Enhypen seen out with (girl name) again. The two were seen being intimate with each other... Read more.’

Your mind went blank at the sight of the article that has been trending since last night. Mixed of emotions occured you. The sense of betrayal, confusion and emptiness drawns unto you all at once. It was a heavy emotion.

“Hm, ex boyfriend?” you jolted and snapped back to reality when someone talked beside you.

It was (actor name) and he's curious eyes darts straight at the phone screen. Feeling slightly embarrassed, you glared at him before clicking your phone off.

“Is he your ex boyfriend?” he asks again that made you feel even more irritated.

You already started filming the series so you're basically seeing (actor name) almost everyday. He's nice and easy to get along to, but sometimes he can be annoying too. Specially that he seemed to be fond of teasing you.

“Can you mind your own business?” you rolled your eyes that only made him chuckle.

“So he is.” he concludes and you shoot him glares once again.

It’s been a week since the last night you've seen or heard from Jake. And honestly, you thought you two are doing perfectly fine. That the intimate time you spend together that night was a silent declaration that you two are just for each other. Maybe you are just so naive? So hopeful? You don't know anything at all at this point.

“You want me to help you?”

“Help me with what?”

“To get over him.” he stated innocently.

You scoffed sarcastically like it was the funniest thing you've heard in your life. But he is not fazed at all. Instead, he have this confident boyish smile he always sports that makes him extremely attractive.

“You think I haven't tried everything?”

“Yeah,” he starts and shrugs his shoulder off. “You haven't tried going out with me yet, have you?”

You felt something inside your stomach going crazy for what he said.

“You're crazy.” you manages to mumble despite with a racing heart.

“No, no!” he chuckles, trying to win you over considering his suggestion.

“Come to think of it. There's nothing to lose here. You can get over with your ex, we'll get the promotion for our series. Hitting two birds with one stone.”

You stared at him without saying any words, contemplating. The fact that you are really considering his suggestion is making you wonde if you should stop looking at his beautiful eyes. Makes you think that he's hypnotizing you into agreeing.

“And besides, if it doesn't work then we'll just make it seem like I dumped you.”

Your forehead creased as his smile grew wider.

“Why are you the one dumping me?”

He chuckles, “Okay, you can dump me since you look cute.”

You rolled your eyes at him and glanced at his hand he was offering you to conceal the deal.

And you don't know if it was just because the anger you felt towards Jake or (actor name) just looked so good that moment. But you agreed. Leading you to why you are inside his car now, coming home from your nth date.

It's already been five months and a half since the agreement. You don't know it lasted that long already and honestly you don't care because you are having so much fun hanging out with him.

He was such a fun person. You are completely aware of it before, but when you started spending time together with less people and camera around you, he was so much more. He's so caring, such a soft person which totally contradicts his physical appearance since he shows this manly demeanor, and he takes good care of you. He never lets you overthink at all. He's always there for you and never send mixed signals towards you.

It was scary agreeing to this arrangement. Like taking a big risk that you can end up regretting or loving, like someone coming out of their shells for the first time and finding out that the world has so much more to offer.

“What's making you look so serious there, gorge?” he asks as he taps his fingers over his steering wheel waiting patiently for the redlight to turn green.

You pout and showed him the article you've been reading. “Don't you think I look fat in this picture?”

It was an article about the two of you when you've been seen going out the other day and he didn't even glance at it. His eyes are glued at you completely and his eyes softens at your question. A playful smirk painted his face before he leans and give your cheeks a small peck.

“Damn, you are so adorable.” he whispered but you managed to hear it.

“I asked you if I looked fat here.”

He finally take a look and smirks, “I think you look wonderful wearing my hoodie, love.”

You blushed and smiled. “You are so lucky that you are my boyfriend, (actor name).”

A proud smile spreads across his face while he place a kiss on top of your hand. “I am indeed very lucky, Ma'am.”

You arrived at the parking lot and you gave him a kiss on his lips before leaning away to stare at his eyes. They looked arrogant, people always misunderstood him as intimidating on first look because of his sharp looking eyes. Totally opposite of your types, but he was worth the shot. They might look strong and cold, but they're totally different whenever they're looking at you.

Every time you stare at his eyes, you can feel your eyes heating up and you just want to cry for so many things. A lot of things happened already, but he was there all along. Your past self may not believe it if you got to talk to them months ago from now, but you very much happy right now. Happy without worrying of being left confused the next day or week. Consistent happiness that you never felt for a while.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” he assures you.

With a nod, you left his car and waves. You watch how his car drove off and decided to go inside your building when a familiar headlights went on.

You felt your feet stoned and slowly you glanced at his usual spot. Your heart sank at the sight of his familiar car. Its been months ever since you've seen him.

You blocked him from your phone and tried so hard to avoid him in every possible way. The last thing you remembered that you heard from him is that he announced his break up with the girl he was dating months ago and that he's taking his time off from his group.

His car door opened and you don't understand how to feel at the sight of him. The familiar warmth he gives you was still there, the thumping of heart and stomach churning were all there.

His hair grew longer and his eyes looked so tired and sad reflecting clearly on them. He walks on the passenger side of his car and opened the door.

“Can we talk?” he asks gently. “Please?” he added when he didn't saw any reaction from you.

You let out a sigh and started walking towards him. Instinctively, he rests his hand at the small of your back to guide you inside his car. After making sure you're all set, he went inside and the silence was deafening. It sure is awkward here.

“H-How are you? I heard you're taking a time off.” you started off.

His eyes sets on you and they looked so heartbroken, empty and hurt.

“Baby,” the familiar pet names sends millions of memories on you.

“please take me back.” his voice cracked.

Numerous times Jake attempted to fix what he just broken months ago and failed in all of those times. He knew it was a selfish move to make, but he couldn't take it anymore. At first, he thought that its fine when he saw the first time articles announced you and (actor name) were dating. He was actually briefly happy that you looked happy.

But then as times pass by, he realized that he fucked up so bad. He realized it wasn't him for you anymore when its still you for him until now.

The first time he tried contacting you, his heart sank after he realized you blocked him. You avoided and focused on your career. He tried waiting for you in his usual spot, but you never walked there again, purposely going inside the building through the main door. Everything started to come at him full speed and he wasn't ready for the blow.

Jake’s hope crumbles down when instead of your familiar loving gaze, he was met with a sad look on your face. That’s not what he wants.

How stupid is he to take advantage of you, being too confident that you wouldn’t, in any way, find someone else to replace him? It was his fault. He was denial, but the reality are slowly eating him up and he’s getting weak as time passes by.

“Y/n, please.” his pleading tone almost broke you into bits.

You cannot believe your eyes. The confident and flirtatious Sim Jaeyun was nowhere to be found. All you can see is his soft pleading eyes, tears pooling the sides of his eyes. He looked so... lost and broken.

And you feel so bad.

“I'm sorry, Jake. I think you should leave.” you glanced away and hand reached over the car's door to go out. Coming inside here was a wrong decision.

He was quick to stop you.

“W-Wait,”

You prevent yourself to look at him, afraid that you’ll break down the moment you set eyes on him.

“I know I’m too late already and its all my fault, baby.” he mumbles, sniffing.

'Oh God he's crying. Jake Sim is crying.' you thought to yourself.

“I just want to say that I love you, y/n. I really do and I know to myself that you will always be the only one for me. I can fool myself and try dating someone else, but my heart knows where it belongs.”

Your heart cracked at the sound of his voice and the words that were coming out from his mouth. Never in your life you thought you will here it from him. Too bad, its too late. Love really is about timing sometimes.

You tried your best to glance at him with a small smile. He's in tears and you almost lost control of yourself, but you pull through. A tear escapes your eyes as you cup his face and gently caress it.

“If someday,” he rests as he choke on his own words. “If someday you manage to find your love for me again, come back to me.”

His words were knives straight to your chest, but you tried pushing it out from your mind. You tried hard not to absorb them.

“Goodbye, Jake.” and with that, you left. Since it was so hard for you to ask him to leave, you're the one who left.

Jake was your comfort for quite some time. He was your warmth from the cold, your peace of mind and your soulmate. He will always have a special part in your heart no one else can take, like a childhood blanket that helps you sleep well, a pair of shoe you used to love and wear all the time, a favorite pajamas you wear at night.

You know when sometimes you tend to try out new styles whether its clothes or hair colors, but always find yourself going back to your 'comfort' style. That certain style that comforts you, gives you confidence and destinct warmth, that's Jake Sim for you. He is your style.

But sometimes change is not so bad. Sometimes, stepping out from your comfort zone is a great step for self development, for growth.

Jake Sim is definitely your style, and just like any other phases, they pass. You outgrew them in order to be better. You may leave that phase behind, but great memories you experienced through it, with him, will be cherish forever.

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[bbarican]

june 04, 2023; 8:46 pm - should we just keep driving?

hi tumblr! how are you guys doing? how was everyone’s weekend? ako, im ready to talk about my date yesterday so if youre bored and you wanna join me in dissecting the events of yesterday’s date then please feel free to read along

we met up in coffee academics and it felt almost nostalgic seeing him again? kasi the last time we saw each other was early 2022 and alot has happened since then and i ultimately felt like “im so glad he’s meeting this version of myself naman”

it was really fun, like it was so good to remember how fun it actually is whenever we’re together; ang ingay niya, pero ako rin, tapos ang kulit namin saka ang gulo ng mga topics namin and i enjoyed every single bit of it, we talked about serious stuff as in we really wanted to know kung anong nagbago samin and also we were talking about aliens and weird stuff like that basta tawa kami ng tawa

he was nice enough to go with me to atc to buy food for my family and back to molito again kasi he was parked there

we ended up hanging out a bit sa car niya for a bit in the same parking spot just talking and listening to music and eventually thinking of somewhere else to go kasi nga we didnt want to go home pa naman; he also asked if i still remember the name he gave his car and ofcourse i still remembered it and i dont think im ever gonna not remember it

we ended up going to a more quiet parking spot away from the malls and just remembering everything now is making me emotional?

he opened up the back door of his car (the type na paside yung open ng door) and we just talked - we talked for hours as in we were there from siguro 7 pm to 11 pm just talking

okay so ofcourse there was some flirting and i loved every bit of it and he was really touchy which i really loved too pero the fact na he initiated converstations really had me feeling really good and fuzzy inside? i was telling my bestfriends na it felt so refreshing to just talk to someone about everything and anything after months of just keeping everything to myself

we laughed lot - i cant explain why or how but this is so important to me, and i think im craving this more than sex?

we did end up making out but again that was just the cherry on top of everything else just being so good

but there are things na i got to take away from my our date last night which i guess would help me from putting a label on how im feeling right now:

he isnt really looking into dating seriously so thats the catch, and tbh i dont know if he ever will be and if im even going to be on his list of people he would even want to consider dating?

with that being said, and i actually told him this din - i actually dont have enough time and energy to wait around for him or for anyone who would be similar to him

kaya ang sakin lang is - im just glad i got to show him who i really am and i hope thats enough for him to see what he could lose if he does end up not pursuing me

im glad na i also got to show him who i am genuinely and im also glad na atleast now, i really know what i want in a relationship

it wouldve been nice if siya yung person na makukuha ko, but atleast he was the one to show me na it is possibe to have the type of relationship na im looking for and that hopefully it will just take some time before i get to have that experience for real and for good

im a bit sad now kasi nga this just proves na stuff like this always and will always rarely happen to me nalang, but im still trying to be as patient and hopefully as i can be

so yeah - i wouldnt say na back to zero ako, but im just glad na everything happened the way it did; its weird too kasi in coffee academics, the neone sign beside me literally stated “youre exactly where you need to be” and i knew that meant something kaaagd

if youve made it to the end of my post, thank you for reading along. ikaw, what do you think? id love to hear your thoughts (tbh just so i stop thinking about all of this) but also id love the company cause everything feels really bittersweet right now

but yeah - i hope the evening goes well for all of us; we all deserve to rest before conquering another week

[afreakingdork]

This is what im feeling rn with CTM (im back with more song sharing as always lol)

Starry Night — Jordan Critz

There is no lyrics just pure instrument- but the feels I get it so much. Its calming but my heart feel at edge(?) I feel it squeeze with sadness or some intense emotion. A melancholic feel. Then you can also get the feel of regret from the song- the type of regret that you are still dwelling in as you remember past memories that make you regret it. A sad nostalgic feel? Its not even bittersweet- its just sad-

It feels like reader/donnie sitting lonely in their room after days/weeks not seeing each other- suddenly their memories just start to play. Like a slideshow? Maybe- could be seen as small little film playing in their mind of all the memories they both had with each other. Just thinking 'when did all these memories start to hurt me' . It used to be full of warmth, but now all of them just feel as if someone stabbed them in the heart.

I tried to find a more happier- or atleast bittersweet feel to it. Well, I did find just the small feel of the 'happier/bittersweet' side to the music. But its more to a what the song is playing "building up" for-. The parts where the instruments start to "build up" and multiple instruments start to have a faster rhythm(?) feels as if there is a chance or hope for both of them. A hope.. that there is a way for it to work out. But then as the music goes back to the slowly, melancholic feel- it feels as if its just a fantasy of one of them (reader/donnie) . A hopeful thinking- imagination? Daydream/dream perhaps. in a more descriptive way- i guess it feels as if they are in between the sad memories- they daydreamed for a brighter path to open up a chance and they cant help but chase that hopeful feeling- maybe even forgetting its all just in their 'dream'. To the music slowing back down to them 'waking up' from the 'hopeful dream'.. only to be greeted back by the reality.. the silence and cold atmosphere feel of their(reader/donnie) room. Alone.

..does it make sense? Lol im so bad with Explaining lol I wanted to say 'wishful' but idk if thats a right word to use lol. Im not a writer unfortunately :'D

Hope you have fun reading this tho! Sorry if this is alot lol- anyways- again cant wait for the next Chapter! Lord bless ya friend 💛 hope you are doing well!

I think you did a great job painting a melancholy picture! It has wonderfully wistful vibes~

Thank you so much for enjoying the fic and never worry about writing 'too much.' These notes have been such a delight to get back to when I can carve out time!

[pixiegrl]

hi em! 💖 no. 2 of the dialogue starter at an art gallery with cake? (or any pairing that you think it fits actually)

Shal! Hi! This was so fun getting to write about Cake. It ended up turning into museum instead of art gallery, but I was feeling nostalgic and was thinking about the time my friend and I went to the MFA so Luke and Calum went on a date to the MFA. (im Luke lol). I hope you enjoy it!

It’s also on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26578555

Calum wakes up to Luke shaking him awake. Calum pretends to be asleep for a little longer, if only to hear Luke huff fondly and lean down to kiss him awake. Calum grins into the kiss, leaning into it and tugging at the back of Luke’s neck to pull him closer. 

“Cal, that’s cheating,” Luke whines, but he returns the kiss with enthusiasm, grinning against his lips until he remembers the reason he was trying to wake Calum up so early.

“Cal, you’re distracting me.”

“Can’t we just stay in bed?” 

“We have a whole plan for today,” Luke whines, tugging on Calum’s hand to get him out of bed. Luke has a point. It’s rare they get a day off, especially on tour. They’re staying in Boston and Luke has been excited to go to the art museum here. It’s a date, just the two of them, even rarer than a day off is. Luke has been talking animatedly about their date for the last week, pouring over the museum’s website, trying to find the optimal day to visit. Calum doesn’t mind one way or another. As long as he gets to spend the day with his boyfriend, he doesn’t care where they go.

Luke’s already up and out of the bed, rummaging around in his suitcase for something to put on. He looks soft in the morning light streaming in through the curtains, all blonde and tousled curls and sleep-soft skin. Luke stands up, clutching his shirt and leather pants close to his chest. Calum sits up, beckoning Luke over to press another soft kiss to his lips. 

Luke giggles. “What was that for?”

“Just wanted to say I love you.” Calum shrugs. Luke giggles again, shaking his head, and heading into the bathroom. Luke always makes Calum a little weak, as ethereal and lovely as he is. Calum is still a little dazed that Luke loves him, wants to be with him too. Luke with his golden heart and voice, who’s special and wonderful, thinks that Calum is just as magical and charming. Michael says it’s disgusting how cute they are, but Calum doesn’t mind if it means he gets to give Luke kisses and see him blush.

Calum gets up out of bed, checking the weather on his phone and pulling out what he thinks is probably an appropriate shirt and jeans for the brisk May day. He’s just finished putting on his boots when Luke breezes out of the bathroom, tucking the ends of his shirt into his pants. He looks up at Calum, grinning brightly when they make eye contact. He presses a kiss to the corner of Calum’s mouth as he brushes by and bends down to grab his boots. Calum takes his turn in the bathroom, brushing his teeth and washing his face, fluffing his curls until Luke starts knocking impatiently on the door, like he’s not the worst offender of taking forever to fix his hair.

Luke already has his jacket on when Calum opens the door, bouncing excitedly on the heels of his boots.

“Are you finally ready?” 

“I’m not the one who had to fix his hair in the mirror and put on all his rings,” Calum teases, just to see Luke smile and flush. He grabs Calum’s hand, lacing their fingers together as he tugs him out the door. 

The trek from their hotel to the museum isn’t far. Luke hums the whole way, swinging their linked hands between them as he goes. There’s a gentle breeze, blowing Luke’s curls around his face and Calum isn’t sure he could describe how in love with him he is at the moment. 

“What are you thinking about? You look pensive.” 

Calum shrugs. “Just wondering what your plan for the day is. You spent all that time online; it seemed like you had an idea.” 

“The Impressionist exhibit. It’s got all the flowers and water scenes. The ballerinas. It’s so dreamy. I wanna see that wing. More exciting than the Revolutionary paintings.” 

“What, you don’t wanna look at pictures of dead white guys in wigs?” Calum teases, bumping shoulders with Luke when he shoots Cal a horrified expression. 

“Don’t even joke, Cal. Not when there’s art on the line.” 

Calum holds his hands up in mock surrender, grinning when Luke sticks his tongue out at him. They pass by some local coffee shop and Calum pulls them in, ordering them both coffees and a muffin to eat while walking. Calum likes this Luke best, the one who shoves the too big end of a blueberry muffin in his mouth, blushing when Calum laughs at how silly he looks with his cheeks puffed out. This Luke is uninhibited, unafraid of what he looks like to other people. It’s rare to catch him like this, but it’s a gift when he is. He swallows the bite, blushing harder when Calum leans over and presses a quick kiss to his lips.

“What was that for?”

“You looked cute. Thought you deserved a kiss.”

Luke ducks his head, failing to hide his grin. Calum turns, busying himself with drinking his coffee. Luke presses a quick kiss to Calum’s cheek, turning away just as quickly to stare straight ahead. Calum smiles, sappy, soft, and in love. 

They continue their walk to the museum, Luke getting visibly more excited the closer they get. He’s fully bouncing on the balls of his feet by the time it comes into view, tugging on Calum’s hand to get him to speed up. Calum laughs, letting Luke practically drag him up the steps of the museum. Calum stops when he sees the statues out front, giant stone baby heads.

“Luke, what the fuck are those?” Calum asks, laughing as he points at them. Luke makes a face when he sees them, visibly distrubed. Calum laughs even harder at that, letting Luke tug him up the steps. Other patrons keep shooting them looks but Calum can’t be bothered, too focused on the look of determination and elation on Luke’s face.

Luke buys their tickets, grabbing a map as they leave the front desk. He stares intensely at it before turning to Calum.

“Cal, I have no fucking clue where to go.”

Calum takes the map from him, turning it until it’s lined up with where they are and pointing them in the direction of where they should go. He takes them up the back staircase to the third floor, realizes it’s the wrong floor, and takes them back down before recognizing that this is a different staircase and he’s not sure where they are. Luke huffs, taking the map from Calum and proceeding to get them even more lost going back up yet another staircase. 

One of the museum guards must take pity on them, watching them go in yet another lap around the floor for the third time, each pointing in opposite directions of where they should go. She comes over to them, asking them where they’re trying to go. She manages to point them in the direction of the correct staircase to the floor they’re looking for and Luke thanks her profusely, tugging Calum off in that direction. He takes the stairs two at a time, bursting through the door and dragging Calum through the wing.

“Don’t you want to stop and see the other stuff?” Calum asks, grinning cheekily and pointing at some Revolutionary War painting. Luke hums.

“Yeah, yeah it’s another painting of a white dude in a bad wig,” Luke says dismissively as he speedwalks through the maze of exhibits until the edge of some ballerina statue comes into view.

Luke barely manages to keep himself from running across the museum floor into the room. He comes to a stop in front of the ballerina, mouth open in a soft “o” of wonder as he looks at her. Calum figures he should be looking at the art, but he can’t tear his eyes away from Luke’s face, full of reverence and joy standing there. Luke stares at the statue for a few more moments until he tugs Calum over to a painting of more ballerinas. He starts reading the little plaque out loud, rambling on about Degas and ballet and the meaning of the painting. Calum continues to stare at him, talking animatedly and enraptured by the painting.

“Did you just hear a word I said?” Luke asks, turning to Calum, huffing exasperatedly. 

“Too busy looking at you and how happy you are,” Calum answers honestly. Luke blushes bright red, ducking his head.

“You’re cheesy.”

“Only for you, sweetheart.” 

“We’re here for the art, Calum.”

“You are art. Besides, you’re much more interesting than any museum plaque.”

Luke blushes, burying his face into Calum’s shoulder. “You’re not allowed to be cute in the museum right now. I can’t take it.”

“Too bad, you’re already the cutest thing in this museum. They should make a statue of you.”

Luke whines, smacking him again, “You’re a menace.”

Calum laughs loudly, Luke smacking and shushing him again when people look over at them. They walk around the wing a few more times, Luke staring intensely at each painting and plaque, pouring over each one. Eventually Calum sits down on one of the benches, waiting until Luke is satisfied with his viewing and comes to sit down next to him. They sit there for a while, Luke still looking around, Calum looking at Luke.

Luke sits up straight, turning to Calum. “Ready to go?”

Calum nods and stands, taking Luke’s hand and they make their way back down to the ground floor. They stop at the gift shop and Calum buys Luke a handful of postcards of the art they’ve seen. Luke protests, but Calum insists that it’s important to remember the day.

They make their way back to the hotel, Calum checking messages from Ashton and Michael while Luke giggles along to the messages Calum reads out loud. They stop at the coffee shop again, this time grabbing sandwiches to go with their coffee. They sit down at a table off in the corner, wrapping their feet together under the table as they eat.

“Thanks for going with me,” Luke says. Calum smiles, reaching over to lace their fingers together.

“Of course, sweetheart. I just love spending time with you, making you happy. I’m glad we got to have this date.” Calum lifts Luke’s hand up, kissing the back of it. Luke giggles, glowing in the light coming in through the cafe windows. Calum loves their jobs, loves the band, but sometimes he loves this more, getting to spend these private, quiet moments with Luke, happy and in love.

[shiningclown69]

This isn't rly winx related as it is about me and my process of getting into winx

This is q a long post w alot of rambling (+ some old artwork) so feel free to skip!

On the note of me drawing Brandon for 2 years, here's my first drawings of Brandon.

I got into Winx in late 2019 when my friends were discussing nostalgic cartoons.

I didn't really have a deep connection with winx, at least not as much as some hardcore fans have.

I watched it sometimes as a child, but my memory is v poor. The only thing I can rmb from the show was how Stella earned her enchantix.

Funnily enough, I also rmb the comic where Bloom & Diaspro get stuck in a dragon volcano together. My only memory of Brandon is a specific moment from a book where Stella got amnesia & forgot her date with Brandon. He waited 2 hrs for her to come :(

I was bored and the specialists design inspired me to try and draw them.

I had too much fun drawing them, and apparently decided I liked Brandon. Then I just spiralled from there.

(Yes I used to be a traditional artist. And then I got an ipad. I should attempt trad art again, but I am v out of practice)

The late 2019 date does not really correspond with when I started watching winx. I only started watching the winx show in about late 2020/early 2021.

I somehow managed to keep my interest in Brandon purely by reading his wiki entries for more than one year. Which is actually kinda amazing. His power. I hadn't even watched the show yet but I alr love him.

Late 2019 when I hadn't watched the show yet was also SOMEHOW the first time I developed an interest in Briven. Yeah. It still lives on 2 years later.

Enjoy the old drawings of Briven from my sketchbook.

I'm honestly kinda amazed I've sustained interest in Winx till now, considering how I often switch fandoms v quickly.

The community still never ceases to amaze me with their talent, for writing & art alike. I was honestly surprised that the winx fandom was even alive when I first entered.

Hopefully, I can continue to contribute to it in whatever little ways I can :^)

[suganovakawa]

𝐒𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐀𝐃𝐄 .

PAIRINGS : tooru oikawa x fem! reader , slight hajime iwaizumi x fem! reader

GENRE : angst , romance

WARNINGS : cursing , car accident , recovery from amnesia

SYNOPSIS : tooru doesn’t understand how special you are to him until he comes close to losing you forever . as he struggles to comes to grips with his feelings and balance it with his future , you still have to recover from your own injuries , but without your memories to assist you .

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐗𝐈𝐈𝐈 < [ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐗𝐈𝐕 ] > 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐗𝐕

can you handle the truth?

word count : 1.2k

saudade masterlist .

SAUDADE

( 𝐧 . ) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant , or that has been loved and then lost ; “ the love that remains ”

⠀your stomach leaped across fields the moment you woke up. there was an uneasy tension in the air as you opened your phone to see no new notifications. what was hajime so nervous about? what could've possibly happened for him to be so... stubborn in wanting to keep it from you? you were beginning to think you were some sort of serial killer, and hajime was hiding you from the government. that wouldn't be too drastic... maybe?

⠀hajime showed up at your door in the afternoon, you were surprised to see the dark circles under his eyes. he hadn't slept a wink. his abnormalcy was making you second guess yourself. did you really want to know everything? or was iwaizumi right?

⠀you shook that thought out of your head before it could become your main worry. you did want to know. that was why you confronted him once and for all yesterday. he, as far as you knew, was the only one who could give you the answers you wanted. no one else seemed to know - or they just weren't willing to tell you.

⠀you clenched your jaw as you opened the door for hajime, who had his hands in his pockets, uncharacteristically quiet. you didn't bother to begin a conversation, and neither did he. you kept your distance as you walked side by side, alongside hajime as he took the lead to his desired location. you didn't realize where you two stopped, until you stood right underneath the doorway - an arcade.

⠀this silence wasn't going to get you anywhere. "why are we here?"

⠀"before... we get to the serious matters," he spoke, noticeably choosing his words carefully, "get your mind off it first. i know you've been tense the past few days, and it's good to wind down, even if it's only for a little while."

⠀"hajime, i swear to god if you - "

⠀"i'm not avoiding it, i promise." his face wavered, but his voice didn't. "before you go home today, i swear you will know everything you want to know."

⠀he had that finalty in his tone that told you, indefinitely, that it wouldn't go any other way. might as well see this through. you had your head set like steel, no distraction would let him get under your nerves. whatever game iwaizumi was trying to play with you, he wasn't going to win. the truth was so close, you could reach out and feel it in your fingertips.

⠀"i was... hoping this place would trigger some memories, you know." you shrugged your shoulder off as hajime placed a hand on it to help you inside. "this is actually the place we first met, before your accident."

⠀"oh?" you looked around and examined the arcade - retro, dark electronic aesthetics painted the building, with counters of prizes and games galore. however, nothing special came to you about it. "nothing stands out to me. are you sure this is where we first met?"

⠀"well, not actually meet." he put air quotes around 'meet'. "rather, this is where we first got to know each other. since we were on the same team and never spoke, we all came here and this is where we all got a bonding moment." he laughed, rather fondly, but you didn't react to it. "the entire team came together after practice one day, and we spent a good few hours here."

⠀"sounds fun." you didn't feel like playing at an arcade, of all places. the neon lights hardly piqued your interest; hajime seemed to be the only one excited to be here. or maybe it was just a front, and he was merely trying to pass the time and make you forget. you almost laughed at the thought of it. with how desperate you were for answers, any attempt to make you forget would be pathetically futile.

⠀"it was. you had a nasty flick when it came to air hockey." as if right on cue, there was the air hockey table, right in your line of sight. "want to play?"

⠀you really didn't. "i could go for a round."

⠀placing the tokens in a slot, iwaizumi took a side, and you took yours. the plastic of the little paddle was cold against your hand, but the clang of the puck had already begun to slide against the table before you could pinpoint any nostalgic feeling to it. each point seemed like a drag, but hajime seemed to be telling the truth about one thing - your flicks were pretty damn good.

⠀before you could get into the game, the table had stopped, the puck disappeared, and the scoreboard read 7 - 4. you gently bit the side of your cheek to conceal an oncoming cheeky gloat as your company simply brushed his loss off with a huff.

⠀"come on, i'm hungry. let's go and eat. it's lunch time." before he could drag you off somewhere else, you began to walk off, hoping to make it out of the arcade.

⠀"already? but we just got here and only played one thing - "

⠀"i'm hungry, hajime." by the looks of your glare, you knew that iwa knew that you weren't hungry.

⠀a walk around the block and a restaurant later, you two ended up sitting down in a booth in the back of the same place you two had gone to not long before. you sat him down before he could go up and further procrastinate. he was a deer trapped in headlights - he was genuinely scared of what was to come. but enough was enough, you were tired of him relentlessly beating around the bush. you wanted answers, and you wanted them now.

⠀"just get it over with," you pleaded. "i want to remember. i want to know, hajime. don't you understand? why won't you tell me? what are you so afraid of?"

⠀"it's more complicated than that, y/n." he kept his voice low, but his hands were balled up into tight fists. "if it were so easy, i would've come out and tell you the moment i saw you. but it's much more complicated. i'm trying to protect you."

⠀"forget protecting me!" your sudden outburst caused a turn of heads, but you sank down in your seat long enough for everyone to continue their own daily agenda. you leaned forward to stare iwaizumi right in the eyes - you had never seen him so scared before. "i'm not your damsel in distress," you whispered, "enough is enough. you need to stop the hero act. i'm grateful for everything you've done for me, but keeping something vital to my memory for your own personal gain? what do you even get out of keeping me in the dark, hajime? just what?"

⠀hajime was silent. his eyes had turned away from yours, the gears in his head visibly turning. you sat back and crossed your arms, not knowing what could possibly be running through that head of his. it was on the tip of his tongue, all he needed was a push to get him to confess.

⠀"what do i gain?" he muttered, after continuous moments of ongoing silence. a strange smile appeared on his lips, expressing something you had never seen from him before. "a second chance."

⠀a what?

⠀"a second - "

⠀"we were in a relationship before, you and i."

⠀and just when you didn’t think it would get more complicated than this, the cat had been let out of the bag.

a/n : for my own health (and possibly yours), i am never writing another angst series with hajime iwaizumi ever again 🧍🏻‍♀️

taglist ( closed ) — @ot127 @rena0921 @karlitabi-rrito @psychicpercyjacksonfan @crescentbitch @amelimiles @damnirina @pasta-warlord @blossomingbangtan @clinomanians @i-am-kinda-in-alot-of-fandoms @manq-fandoms @cirtruss @sugar-wara @haikoo @anime-simp @kairostatue @awkwardspontaneity @iwantapoptartqwq @aquariarose @softestdreamer @plantisnotplant @avylee @froppysgirl @that-animebitch @wisepandaslimeland @samanthaa-leanne @dumplingzumispam@0hakaashi @captain-janeway @afterglowkuroo @bellabelieveme @attixca @chickenrest @tycrackculture @ynjimenez @karaseijoh @lavieenblancetnoir @dabilove27 @cuddlesslut @crypto-s @keigosbitch @readeretal @shittykawaa @donghyuckster @adriloen @ella-solei @emiyummy @kukiisan @catyuyuyuu @sillykittt @dolan-mendes @kiritokunuwu @the-third-wall @yammers @todohawki

— continued in the comments! starting this new year off strong <3

[purekesseltrash]

My Fic List

Whelp, decided I should do one of these.  I have mostly written for Hockey RPF and BNHA, as you have likely already seen!

My BNHA Fics

Bury Them Deep

- “Shouji Mezou's entire life has revolved around being a goalie and playing hockey since he was five years old. After being drafted in the third round in the NHL, Shouji has two more years of college before moving on to playing professional hockey like he's always wanted. Or at least like he always thought he wanted. An injury that ends his season throws him into a tailspin, forcing him to take a look at his life and how he is going to live it, especially after meeting his fascinating new goth history tutor.”

(This bad bitch is 81k total and is chock full of my red hot hockey takes and midwestern references.  I love it very much and it is a sweet baby.)

The Rooftop Necromancy series AKA my black metal band AU:

Downhill from Here 

- “ Hizashi just wants to tour the country with his best friends with their metal band in their shitty van like they've been planning for years. He'd successfully hidden his crush on one of them for years, after all, he would definitely be able to make this work and keep things fun and uncomplicated. Until Aizawa decided to start acting weird. “

(In which I take you all on a nostalgic trip to 2006-2008 metal culture and you can see the black metal love song that my dumb ass wrote.)

The Perfect Mistake

- “ It wasn't as though Hizashi had planned on breaking up with his boyfriend while they were on tour in a tiny cargo van with no room and no peace. He would have much rather preferred to do it when they were home and he could easily go and crawl back into his mom's basement. But he didn't have a choice. “

(As relationships tend to do, theirs goes through problems.)

Rooftop Necromancy

-"He’d even ended up leaning into the crowd when someone’s elbow had connected solidly with his nose and thrown him back. They’d gone quiet as Hizashi got himself up to his feet, ripped off his now bloody ‘Within Temptations’ tshirt from 2004, whipped his hair back from his face and screamed, “That’s what I’m FUCKING talking about.” into the mic.

They went wild for it, cheering as blood ran down his nose, past his mouth and dripped onto the stage, leaving him feeling like an otherworldly monster performing an occult ritual. Metal, he thought dazedly to himself, why in the fuck had he ever stopped doing metal."

(I hyperfocused so hard at the idea of Mic as a metal head that I wrote this in seven straight hours and WROTE THROUGH THE ATTEMPTED COUP ON DEMOCRACY WITHOUT KNOWING IT.  It’s a bit rough, but it’s got some good parts and it spawned the whole damn series.)

Hands Up

- "But of course he had, they had always been able to read each other and what they meant. That had often been their problem, if he was going to be honest."

(In which they figure their shit out.  Basically it was written when I was thinking alot about how my own mental health had evolved through the years.  It’s basically the story of two people who are both very good for each other and also very bad and how they deal with that.  It’s probably the most personally meaningful thing I’ve ever written.)

The other BNHA fics:

Waking Up With Ghosts

-"Hizashi opened his eyes to a world that belonged to ghosts. His headphones were gone and the gray, grimy world that he felt more than saw was muffled and still. This was bad, he hazily thought."

In which we follow Hizashi shortly after the events of 296. How he's found, how he finds out and how he has to tell.”

(I fished this one out of the garbage of my Google Docs because I’d written most of it and forgotten about it.  I dragged it out, prettied it up a little and threw it up on AO3.  It is by far my most well read BNHA fic, go figure.)

Leave Her Johnny

-”Captain Hizashi Yamada has combed the Seven Seas looking for the elusive smuggler Eraserhead. He has spent years searching for him, tracking his movements and trying to anticipate where he would be next. But he had never considered what would happen when he finally found him. “

(I wrote a paragraph of this and was immediately like ‘I MUST CREATE THIS’.  I take some chances writing wise in this as the whole thing is done in a Victorian Era ish style of writing.  But I think it’s effective and the ending is likely one of the best that I’ve ever managed.  I’m proud of it.)

Gold Rush

-”"That earned him a laugh and Mashirao’s smile made something in his chest ache, something that made him want to hurt. Why had he ever left?

“I’m really not,” Mashirao was saying but Shinsou just shook his head and kissed him once, twice and wished he could take the sunny afternoon and make it stay forever. Make it stay forever like Mashirao somehow had, while the neighborhood had adjusted without Hitoshi’s permission.

“You are,” he said, “And I love it.”

I love you, he should have said.  But as Mashirao’s eyes softened and the blonde pushed him back against the bed, Hitoshi knew he didn’t need to say it."

(You know how sometimes you listen to a Death Cab for Cutie song about gentrification over and over until a fic comes out?  Because that’s basically what happened here.)

Black Sun

‘"But then he remembered the way that Shouji had eaten the night after, one hand curled into his hair as he hung back in the corner. Shouji hid when something was wrong, like a wounded cat trying to find a dark place to either live or die and he was being released tomorrow. Now was the time to push or he’d find Shouji right back on his bed, staring at nothing."

Something happened to Shouji on the beach. Tokoyami is sure of it.‘

(Aaaaaand Death Cab for Cutie strikes again.  But heyo, my first published ShouToko and it is SOFTTTTT)

In the Far and Mighty West

Mic came closer and despite himself, Shouta could not find it in him to feel afraid. “You won’t understand, not really. I’ll try, though. I’m like Pecos Bill or Paul Bunyan or a jackalope or that fish that your friend caught that he swears he brought in but that you’ve never seen proof of. I’m the herd of dogies moving sweet and steady in the right direction, I’m no stragglers to worry about, I’m that perfect dog that’s there to keep them in line. I’m that group of good friends that you would kill for, I’m the woman who you’re dying to come home to, I’m that promised home of milk and honey. I’m Mic.”

Shouta stared at him dazedly and licked his lips, feeling drunk and stupid as he stared at the man. “You’re… magic?”

“I suppose you could call me that.”

(Cowboy!Erasermic.  Inspired heavily by American Gods and my own love of folk heroes.)

In Your Violence

- “'Mezou frowned, eyes narrowing. “Are you trying to say that you’re scared that I’ll be killed by having faith in you?”

“It would be in your best interest to stay away from me,” Fumikage finally said, his voice falling flat and quiet. “I am destined to be a monster.”

'Mezou gets the call he fears, the one that says that Fumikage has lost control again. But this time it's different, in more ways than one.”

(I listened to Silence by Marshmello until I went insane in this is the result.  Featuring some of my super depressing headcanons about Shouji!  But it’s not awful.)

My hockey fics that I still like:

Hufflepuff Halfwit  

- ““Zhenya, the wind is coming from the west, I will not remind you again. You shut that window before the house stinks of factories!” She snapped and Geno stared at the owl as though maybe it would know what to do. But instead, it had given a little hoot and wiggled inside, only to drop it’s letter on the counter.

He turned his head very slowly back to look at his mother, who had suddenly gone very quiet. “It… just showed up, Mama. And um. It brought a letter.” He waited again, looked back at the owl who had begun to nose at the pirozhkis in interest and then looked back at his mother with the best puppy dog eyes he had ever attempted. “Can I keep it?”

(This is a part of my hockey/Harry Potter au that still legitimately haunts my dreams.  It’s basically a Sid/Geno in Hogwarts but I really love the world building I got to do with Koldovstoretz, the Russian school of wizardry.  Don’t read ‘On the Word of a Slytherin’ though, I’m not as proud of that one.)

The Prince  

- “What the fuck.” Matt breathed out, sitting back heavily onto his hotel bed as he stared at his phone.

‘This is Henrik.’ The text read. ‘I would like to meet you. I will book a room in Pittsburgh at your convenience. Let me know what time will work for you.’  - 

(Listen, it’s Henrik Lundqvist/Matt Murray smut, I feel like that is novel and interesting and worth your attention.  I wax poetic on goalies in this, as you do.)

The Zoo of Toronto 

- “No one missed it when a massive porcupine had shuffled in between the reporters with a single minded focus, pushing media away until it was able to grip onto Phil’s suit pants and try to pull itself up. He hadn’t been able to do more then besides pick the animal up before it could shred his pants to shreds and walk out of the locker room before the decision had been made with the Toronto media.

Phil Kessel was guilty.” 

(Not gonna lie, this is probably my favorite of the hockey fics I’ve written.  And it’s Phil/Carl, which is never found anymore but it was a good pairing.)

[about-a-girl-me]

Record store day 2021

Record store day 2021 was like no other. 

I live in SoHo NYC close to Generation Records in The Village and almost always find everything I want & need there. I’m hesitant to say I don’t patronize their store nearly as much as I should but my only real purchases these days are Record Store Day collectibles & releases as I have so many records. As I live close by I get up early to stand on line by 7:30am and I’m often first or one of the first there. 

This year I live on a different block, same SoHo neighborhood so I walked a different route through the village to my usual record store day spot on Thompson, this year the journey was like entering a different world. Turning onto Bleecker St from 6th was usually like arriving at the party after most people had left, in 2021 it was like entering a lost city of abandonment & broken dreams. The unmistakable and breath-taking stench of stale sweat, last nights pee, lingering clouds of smoke & weed, forgotten food, trash & reckless summer in NYC mixed with abandonment of decency, humanity & common sense; a street of lost souls & broken dreams and flies, so many fucking flies. Half naked & barely dressed homeless people stretched out in doorways, on street corners and in the street shacks. I started to criss-cross the street to avoid them then got dizzy so I just strode past them ignoring the putrid stench of trash & pee as only a hot NYC summer can produce. 

Upon turning into Thompson at 7:30am it was like stepping into a different world than the usual thriving village streets which now looked like an island shanty town desperate to stay alive. The vibe was proceed-with-caution and was reminiscent of stepping back in time to the crime ridden 70’s but not the nostalgic romanticized version. 

For the first 30 minutes the only other people on the street were the lost souls of which very few noticed me and luckily only 2 approached me where I ignored 1 and interacted with the other as quick as I could get him to leave when I told him I had no money. It was then just me and the flies, still so many fucking flies. 

Just as I started to feel more comfortable a trash truck decided to pull up directly next to me and the putrid stench made me want to vomit, I didn’t want to leave as I was the only person on line except for the old, shirtless, long haired homeless guy cruisin’ for abandoned cigarette butts on the steps of the building next door. 

As the village started to wake up I was joined on the street by restaurant workers cleaning up the night before’s wild abandonment of fun & frivolities and a few dog walkers. 8:30am, still just me online, damn I could have slept in or atleast bought breakfast! I know if I leave a car full of wide awake NJ boys will turn up ready for action to stake out the place and fondly recap their previous night drinking conversations, every sports moment they remember (clue, it’s alot) then I will be tortured by having not only lost my place but to have to listen to their conversation over my crappy headphones- all in the name of a stale breakfast bagel! This story happened one previous year and thankfully not this year so I guess there are upsides to the aftermath of a pandemic! 

8:45am 2 guys arrived to officially make it a queue and not just a weird girl hanging out outside a closed record shop, they chatted amongst themselves while I read my magazines (smug grin). The street felt less threatening and more normal as it awoke. 

9:20am one more person arrived with a fold out chair and breakfast, a plan that will make him happy until he has to lug it around the city all day and schlep it on the train when he will wish he hadn’t brought it and could have just stood on line for 90 minutes! 

A few more people arrived & the early morning smells started to get drowned out by bleach and cleaning supplies as the street came back to life.

The first staff member arrived 10:25am and optimism trickled down the small crowd, opening time was approaching!! 

10:30am 3 more staff arrived, the lights were on and excitement was building! 

Hot hot hot, the sun rose, the heat increased and my glasses steamed up. Just as it started to seem the opening was getting close the air conditioner on one of the top floors started to drip that New York rain that over-worked a/c’s do, the comfortable crowd dispersed to avoid being dripped on. You never can be too sure in NYC!

Damp & sweaty I was getting impatient, In previous years the doors opened and customers were directed downstairs to line up and form an orderly queue to ask for items required in stock from behind a counter therefore the nearer the civilised front of the queue the more likely you got your wanted items from limited stock. I saw the staff putting out what looked like RSD items in a corner rack and began to panic. I was first in the queue but what if I stood in front of the wrong row and did not get my items, what if they only had 1-2 of the items I desperately wanted and someone else got them, then my time would have been for nothing. I started eyeing up the people behind me trying to determine if they looked like PJ fans and confidently convinced myself I was good and had this sorted. 

The doors opened and I eagerly entered the store. I asked the guy at the door if the corner display was RSD releases and he confirmed it. I began to flick through rows of records and found Pearl Jam (hooray!!) a girl next to me asked where I found it and I helped direct her to it, asking for help with the Foo Fighters if anyone spotted it. My years of flicking through record crates served me well and within less than 5 minutes I had found all I wanted and headed to the counter. I picked up a 7″single and a cassette at the counter and by 11:06am I headed home happy with my purchases and $86 lighter. 

Was it worth it, absolutely. 

Do I have a record player to play them on, nope but one day soon! 

Happy Record Store Day 2021.

[dreaminpeaches]

Humble Pie AU Headcount!

Aye, here's a cool concept I saw from @paraesthetics

and @maddgicalgirl two really cool creative peeps who posted about their AUs for their paracosms, Memento Amouri and Zombie Lane! I don't have as many as them and they're not as cool as any of those but we go:

Humble Pie - OG paracosm, Beau, a former high school bully and star football athlete returns to his home town after flunking college, coming home brings back both nostalgic and bitter memories of his past, his memories haunt him so bad that they manifest into a alter ego of himself called "Stye" who makes a deal with Beau that if he can get at least half of the people he bullied to forgive him, then Stye will leave Beau forever, but if Beau fails Beau has to leave forever (either by running away, isolating himself from others even his friends and family forever so he doesn't hurt anyone else never to be seen again or ........), at the same time he finds himself falling in love with the new dorky girl in town

Bodyswap AU- this isn't really an AU more like a weird dream Beau has after eating some weird cake his little sister made for him and he was too nice to say no (it had glitter in it), the events only take place for about a day, but its basically a Kimi No Nawa (Your Name) parody just with alot of more comedy where Beau and Bonnie swap bodies, Beau spends the day in Bonnie's body as an angry gremlin woman, and Bonnie spends the day in Beau's body as a pretty boy. They both struggle with each other's usual tasks Bonnie struggles to fix cars and Beau having to wear a maid outfit, and doing anime dances on the spot while having to playfully flirt with a bunch of nerds at Bonnie's maid cafe job. Bonnie in Beau's body has more heavy moments because she can see Stye and meets him for the first time, Stye knows its not Beau in his body so he can't have as much "fun" toying with him as usual, but kind of with the "help" of Stye Bonnie is able to hop through Beau's memories (mostly his childhood ones), a lot of the memories stop halfway through or are purposely faded because how heavy they weigh on Beau's mind. Devin is the one who tries to research and help Bonnie and Beau get back to each other's bodies because while most of Beau's family welcomes Beau's brighter attitude, Dev is the only one who knows something is up.

Genderbend AU- In this AU Fem! Beau was a star cheerleader as a Regina George type of bully, telling lies, spreading rumors, and subtle causing chaos throughout the school while being seen as a beloved queen at the same time, she too flunks out of college, and returns with regrets, but as where Beau takes on a more punk cowboy aesthetic, Fem! Beau adopts a more gothic rockabilly witch aesthetic, Fem ! Beau always had an interest in witches/witchcraft since she was little (because her dad would read her a bunch of fairy tales and Fem! Beau always found the witches to be the more interesting characters in the stories) but was often made fun for it to the point where she kept it a secret, but now returning to her hometown, Fem! Beau decides to fully embrace her interest she dyes her blonde hair black and starts to study witchcraft in an effort to combat the bad vibes she's been feeling. Whereas original Stye is more of an evil Jojo Stand, Fem! Stye is more along the lines of a mix of Tomie and Junko Enoshima, she still enjoys toying with Fem! Beau and doing a noblewoman's laugh, the deal between them is still the same. Whereas Beau's bio dad left him, Fem! Beau's bio mom left her family and Fem! Beau has a really close relationship with her Dad, Lou , who works at the town's library as a libarian, he remarries a nice woman who tries to spend time with Fem! Beau by doing traditional girly activities (a thing that reminds Fem! Beau too much of her past self, but she still tries to grin and bear it), Fem! Beau works part-time at her step mom's boutique helping customers pick outfits and find the perfect outfit for them. Dev is the same tho, but Fem! Dev is a bit more into comics than games but still basically the same nerd (like Futaba from Persona 5), Fem! Beau stilll gives Fem! Dev advice on school and boys (but kind of subtlely telling Fem! Dev that most guys are pigs anyways), Carrie who is now Carter in this is a very rowdy but loveable little boy who is always seen with a cape and a wooden sword that his big sis made for him in shop class, he carries that thing with him everywhere and will fight anyone who's mean to his sisters. Like Beau, Fem! Beau loves her siblings to death and likes spending time with them

Beau has an interest in wild west media, Fem! Beau is more interested in stuff like Grease, Rebel Without A Cause, Bewitched, and West Side Story.

Male! Bonnie is mostly the same like with Dev is more into comics than anime, he has a bigger interest in clowns than mascots and wants to show kids that not all clowns are scary, he works as a children entertainer at a local fun center (like a Chuck E Cheese or Discovery Center), whereas Bonnie was taught ballet at a young age, Male! Bonnie was taught to play the piano, but he enjoys playing instruments like the keyboard, talkboxes, and one of those things that look like a musical note with a face on it (idk what they are call), he's trying to make a one-man-band performance to go along with his performance as a clown.

Whereas Bonnie and Beau meet a lot to work on Bonnie's car, Male! Bonnie and Fem! Beau met up a lot because Carter really likes to play at the fun center where Bonnie works, and when Male! Bonnie first saw Fem! Beau, he thought she was Raven from Teen Titans.

Bonnie and Beau's relationship is like Beauty and Beast, while Fem! Beau and Male! Bonnie is more like Jessica and Rodger rabbit.

Resident Evil Village AU: This one is basically Beau is Ethan, and Carrie takes the place of Rose, and that's it! To be honest, I didn't think how everyone else would fit in this AU (an older Dev might be Chris?? maybe), I just like the idea of Beau going through a ton of crazy spooky stuff to save his little sister, and would totally sacrifice himself like Ethan did at the end if all the chips were down, and older Rose is what I think an older Carrie would look like

Walking Dead (the game) AU: Same thing as RE but Beau lives through all the seasons with both of his siblings, I just dont really dig the idea of Carrie ending Beau like how Clem had to do with Lee (that's too much man), but I could see Beau trying to teach Carrie to defend herself during the apocalypse as she gets older he tries to distance himself a bit letting her be more independent but still nearby if she gets into trouble, I could also see Dev joining another group for a bit because he doesn't enjoy his brother bossing him around so much, he ends up returning but I could see tensions raising between those two in this situation, they would end up meeting Bonnie along the way, Beau would find her a bit annoying at first but end up catching feelings for her. I could see them making their own settlement, and trying to find other lost individuals.

[056crowshit6556]

Disillusionment in the characters of Mitzi May and Mordecai Heller

I wanted to discuss what I find to be a fascinating relationship between Mitzi and Mordecai.

There’s no better place to start than with Ivy Pepper’s dream sequence in “Nightmare”.

Okay, so breaking this scene down. The three characters Viktor, Mordecai, and Mitzi surround a tree which represents Atlas, or at least, a conceptualized version of what Atlas has become, everything he built, and everything he represented. Ivy calls the thing they’re surrounding a “ghost”, and asks why they don’t turn around, i.e. move on with their lives. Why don’t they leave?

Mitzi and Mordecai are attached to the tree by a blue ghostly mist. It’s specifically attached to their eyes, showing how their connection to Atlas gives them ‘vision’, focus, purpose, and foresight.

I find it particularly fascinating that Mitzi and Mordecai are the ones attached to this tree by the soul sucking/soul giving light, but I think it’s appropriate considering that Atlas was their entire world. He is what connects Mitzi and Mordecai, which is what I’m going to try to explain through this post.

Both characters were born and raised in abject poverty (appropriately enough, one came from ‘northern’ poverty, the other ‘southern’ poverty— a subtle but efficient dichotomy between the two). Both had talents that Atlas fostered, both of them liked how Atlas made them feel special, both of them vied for his attention, which is the main source for the animosity and connection between them in the first place.

I’m interested in their relationship because I find it fascinatingly bitter, complicated, mysterious, and for some reason, very tender. Not tender as in affectionately warmhearted, but tender because both of them are a soft spot in each other’s memories. Mitzi acknowledges Mordecai as “a helping of salt to rub in her wounds” and Mordecai states that he has “mixed feelings” about this meeting. That I’ll explore in a moment, but first, it stands to mention what Mitzi says to Asa in “Heartstrings”:

“You only know someone until you don’t”

Which to me, might be a little tongue-in-cheek on Mitzi’s part, suggesting that she knows something about Mordecai that no one, not Asa or even us, the readers, fully understand. If there’s something about Mitzi’s character that has been shown so far it’s that she goes through the motions of social grace and banter while maintaining a sense of condescending, underlying humor about the irony of situations. This line went over my head until I went back and read it, and the subsequent scene of them talking in the car further adds to the implication that they know each other more intimately than expected.

Being taken in by Atlas, they were exposed to each other as a consequence of circumstance. They both shared Atlas to a degree which bordered on the unhealthy, because I don’t think they formed identities beyond the ones they formed in relation to Atlas. With the added fact that they were both fairly young and impressionable when Atlas took them in, and the subsequent familial rivalry and resentment their relationship created, there’s no surprise that they’re both disillusioned and blindly clinging to the dead tree as seen in Ivy Pepper’s dream.

The problem I see between Mitzi and Mordecai is that because of circumstance, they had to be vulnerable with each other, and even though jealously may have created resentment between them, I think the two flashback scenes in “Hamstring” and “Confessional” state multitudes about that resentment. It’s not just jealousy, (Mordecai asserts that he has no interest in defending her, which sounds petty and jealous although he could have valid reasons— it’s unclear at this point), but I figure that the other layer to Mitzi and Mordecai’s resentment of each other stems from the assumption that they were vulnerable with each other at some point. Whatever happened at this moment, which Mitzi refers to as a “bad memory”, altered their relationship in some form or another.

“What’s left to question between you and I?”

“That remains between us.”

I can’t imagine Mordecai taking too kindly to anyone he has to be vulnerable with, and I don’t think Mitzi would enjoy admitting she has weaknesses or flaws either. It’s one of the reasons I find their characters to be so similar. Neither of them like dropping their protective facade but I think in the past they did with each other. (Mitzi’s facade being a socialite debutante, Mordecai’s facade being a cold-blooded sociopath). I think they perform traits of those facades, but the problem is I think those traits were fostered and encouraged by Atlas, maybe without him even meaning to. It’s like...two children will act a certain way because they can tell those actions please their parent. It’s really sad and really distressing but that’s the way these two characters operate in the realm of the story.

The man Mordecai is interrogating, Grombach, states that Mordecai doesn’t seem like the “cake-eater” type, but he does fit right in with that crowd.

And Zib, who knew Mitzi before she met Atlas, states that she’s not the sleepy eyed girl he found in Georgia anymore in “Blood-money” (although I think Zib might be looking at Mitzi through nostalgic rose-colored glasses).

Case in point, Mitzi and Mordecai’s characters are alot more multi-layered and complex than simply a socialite-flapper and a triggerman-cake eater, although they did perform those roles reasonably well.

(That’s one of the reasons why it’s difficult to tell who is taking the gun in that particular flashback. Mordecai claims that Mitzi didn’t shoot anyone, so it’s reasonable to assume that Mitzi is handing the gun to Mordecai. (I could be completely wrong but it’s fun to speculate). She taught him how to maneuver, or at least interpret, social situations. In turn, he could have done something, or helped her, commit a murder. It’s ugly but that’s his speciality. If Mitzi is handing the gun to Mordecai and asking him to eliminate someone, then in such an instance she stops being “Atlas’s little wife” and starts being a boss. Maybe Mordecai trusted her judgement on it and the plan went horribly wrong, and so he blames her for it. There’s alot to unpack there so I’ll just leave it at that).

This idea of creating a persona is even perpetrated by Mitzi, who claims Mordecai to be her ‘little project’ in the mini-comic “Photoplay”— and although I’m sure he was reluctant at first, Mordecai allowed Mitzi to help him integrate into Atlas’s society— the 1920s flapper way.

(Not to mention that line from Mordecai: “You like it because he likes you to like it?” That sums up perfectly what I’m trying to get at— I’m not saying Mitzi’s interest in photography is a facade, or Mordecai’s interest in being a bookkeeper or a hitman is a facade either, but what I’m getting at is those interests were directly correlated to Atlas and were absolutely influenced by Atlas. They call each other out for using Atlas’s money or clothes, and I imagine there’s been other times where they purposefully nitpick the other when Atlas gave them a gift. It’s jealousy in its most blatant form).

That one line by Mordecai is so good because it encapsulates the way their relationship was at the beginning before “things visibly deteriorated.” They were both butting heads with each other, nitpicking the other because they knew how Atlas changed both of their lives. It’s so childish but definitely prevalent among siblings— Mordecai thought he had some sort of upper hand, that he was his own person, but Mitzi reminds him that he’s wearing Atlas’s shirts, inevitably reminding him that he can’t escape Atlas’s influence. We want to think we’re our own person, free from influences, but those closest to us inevitably remind us where and what we came from.

And neither Mitzi or Mordecai can hide from each other the fact that Atlas took them in and gave them financial security, food on their plate, clothes on their back, and a sense of purpose. He made them feel different than how they actually feel about themselves. This is expressed by Serafine to Mordecai in “Redivivo” and “Keepsake”:

“And like dat, he’s lit up a path out de black mire you got yourself in. Shinin’ a direction for you, real clear. His direction. But once you take dat direction, once dat light is on you, dat’s all you got. De other loa leave you. You are obliged to him only, always. Or else you are lost again.”

And in “Vestige”, Mitzi admits that she liked how he made her feel special.

Serafine sums it up pretty well: Mitzi and Mordecai found someone that ‘lit up’ the path in front of them.

I want to briefly mention their interaction in “Hamstring” and “Monomania”. Mordecai speaks very differently to Mitzi than the three other male characters in the story (I’m referring to Zib, Rocky, and Wick). It could be the mysterious nature of their relationship but the conflict it adds to the story is intriguing nonetheless. More so, I always got the impression that he spoke to her as an equal. Zib doesn’t like that Mitzi’s capable of deceit, Rocky places her on a pedestal and views her as a damsel-in-distress, and Wick sees her as the elegant flapper widow of the late Atlas May (and a romantic interest, not a business partner). The difference between the aforementioned relationships is that Mitzi and Mordecai don’t want anything from each other, and they call each other out quite bluntly— Mitzi tells him he can’t treat her as both an enemy and a confidante, Mordecai places some blame on her for Atlas’s death. So when I say that their relationship feels equal to me, it does seem that they have an equal amount of dirt on each other, but at the same time, they tell each other the truth. Two cats in the same boat and the boat’s name is Atlas? Such close familiarity means they can’t hide things from each other, not really, and they can’t raise their expectations of the other person when they already know that person’s limits. In contrast, Zib wants Mitzi to run away with him and forget Atlas, Rocky wants her approval, and Wick wants her because of his romantic interest in her. I’m not saying their intentions are wrong or mistrustful, in fact, they aren’t. All characters have motive, it’s what drives the story. The thing is, they’ve all created misconstrued personas of Mitzi, but I don’t get the impression that Mordecai has, and I don’t get the impression that she’s construed a false premise of him either. 

That’s the consequence of “growing up” together, building an identity alongside someone, and then, as Mordecai puts it, they witness each other’s identities “visibly deteriorate”— whatever happened between them before Atlas’s death was the incident which revealed each other’s vulnerability. Mordecai tells Mitzi to “keep her charade” out of the way, insinuating that he knows she’s capable of putting on appearances, but it’s a possibility that he’s trying to remove her from the bootlegging business because he doesn’t want to see what happened to Atlas happen to her. Personally, I would love to see the narrative ironically drive Mordecai to lose his current composure (a kind of karmic retribution for looting Lackadaisy’s storeroom, even if his underlying intentions were to push Mitzi farther away from the business, he still did a great job of putting her life in danger). I don’t know if that voodoo sigil Serafine carved on his chest is going to do anything, but if it did, it could make him behave in a way that would expose his charade as Asa’s hired gun as well as his persona as a cold unfeeling triggerman.

Mitzi continues to run the Lackadaisy Speakeasy out of commitment to Atlas; Mordecai continues to take out targets for Marigold out of commitment for obtaining the truth about Atlas’s death— but the problem here is that they’re doing these things in service to a ghost. Neither of them can make things go back to the way it was. Atlas is dead, and without him, they’re lost. Their current commitment to Atlas is commitment to his memory, which is why in the dream sequence they stare blindly into his ghost, tethered to the dead tree.

And clinging to a ghost is a dangerous path to choose.

The lines “You’re obsessive” and “You’ve brought [losses] on yourself in your persistence” stands out to me.

In my opinion, Mordecai is projecting when he tells Mitzi she’s bringing shame to Atlas’s memory, because in an ironic way he’s kind of doing the same thing? This is coming from the same cat bastard who was running ‘round the woods stripped down to his underwear killing people on Marigold’s behalf like he ain’t got no goddamn sense. Literally our first introduction of Mordecai’s character in the comic paints him as an incredibly unhinged individual, so I think the irony of him saying Mitzi is embarrassing is just as hypocritical as Mitzi saying he’s obsessive. It’s so poignant and so deliberate how they project these things onto each other.

(Mitzi accuses Mordecai of being obsessive and she’s right, but her reluctance to give up the Speakeasy is borderline obsessive too. On a brief side note, it’s sad to think about but I genuinely think he’s going to get himself killed because he can’t let go of Atlas. And likewise, Mitzi is going to get into some kind of trouble (either with Wick or the law) because she’s clinging to Atlas’s memory and everything associated with his memory. They’re both obsessive to a degree and it’s showing through their self-serving choices throughout the story thus far. I could be wrong about this but my assumption is that Mitzi refuses to give up the Speakeasy because she feels some sort of underlying guilt, and Mordecai refuses to give up searching for answers because of a sense of obligation; but as stated above, Mordecai projects his feelings of guilt onto Mitzi, and Mitzi projects her feelings of inadequacy onto Mordecai).

The big elephant in the room is whether or not Mitzi and Mordecai conspired to murder Atlas. Personally I think no, but I do think they did something that indirectly caused his death. Perhaps they took out someone together, and that created a chain of events which led to Atlas’s demise. That would further instigate their obsessive guilt over what happened, but it’s a mystery for now.

It’s because of their fixation on Atlas’s memory that they’re both attached to the dead tree in Ivy Pepper’s dream. If they weren’t, they’d be lost in some desolate exodus across the desert landscape, a wasteland similar to the one conceptualized by T.S. Eliot in his work “The Waste Land.”

A few lines from the poem paint an eerie landscape similar to Ivy’s dream:

and

lastly

“I was neither living nor dead”

It’s a common theme among modernist literature that, as William Butler Yeats stated in his poem “The Second Coming”, the “center cannot hold.” After the horrors of World War I, combined with the rapid growth of consumerism and materialism as well as a decline in religious faith, things seemed to “visibly deteriorate”, people in the early 20th century were so disillusioned with the state of things that they felt they had no “center” to keep them tethered to this world; in a sense, what could give them a purpose or sense of meaning? At the end of the 19th century, Nietzsche famously quoted “God is Dead”, but it wasn’t in praise of humanity for turning towards science and reason, but despair because it begged the question: If God is Dead, then what the hell do we believe in? What do we put faith in?

In the case of Mitzi and Mordecai, that faith was in Atlas May.

Trees make excellent visual representations of “centers” in storytelling because our ancient ancestors considered the tree to be their home, their safe haven, the “center” of their world. Why else do trees continually reoccur as symbols of centrifuge throughout mythology, storytelling, and religion? Why else would it be called the tree of life and the tree of knowledge in the book of Genesis, or the World Tree Yggdrasil in Norse mythology, or the Kabbalah in Judaism if it wasn’t alluding to the fact the we evolved as a species alongside the trees?

It makes sense that the story’s center is Atlas, represented by a tree— but that’s the problem— Mitzi and Mordecai are centering themselves around a dead tree. But the memory of Atlas is what continues to give their eyes “light”, and so they don’t look away to face the reality that they are lost in a habitual wasteland.

With Atlas gone, both characters experience disillusionment with either themselves, the world, and maybe even their perceptions of Atlas. Basically, they built their identities around him, and I think they gave each other their most honest representations— which resulted in a sort of strained tenderness between the two which defers foremost to bitter resentment.

[e8luhs]

Okay I know like every song is important but what are the ceebee kids 1 character theme songs

ugh this is the most difficult question ive ever been asked in my entire life. I KNOW that this is still in twos but its so hard for me to pick only one so i had to take a lot of time wittling down to which AT LEAST TWO would fit best. heres the absolute essentials, all of these i chose strictly from their playlists still of course, under the cut because it got really long. 

i went with the first songs i chose for all of them as Vibez like Musical Aesthetics i guess, and the second for like major actual themes in all of their arcs with some rambling from me as well ^_^ because i love getting to talk in depth about the ceebees and also like… combining music? and cb? and expecting me not to infodump? bold. its all a little self indulgent but we like to have fun i think.

rivian:

lemon glow / beach house (wizard rights. need i say more)

are you satisfied? / marina and the diamonds (first off no i will never call marina and the diamonds by just marina thats a fucking crime against humanity. SECOND off this song literally has it all like rivians so chronically unhappy with herself that really leads to a sense of emptiness and lack of connection with her own reality. shes emotionally constipated… its her scorpioism but also a lot of like insecurity and repression and trauma and the like.)

lyreni:

time for us / elsiane (orchestral adjacent. determined. but like… still gentle and tender and full of heart. shes baby.)

ship to wreck / florence and the machine (this song gets me in my feelings about lyreni because its such a deconstructer for her. like she can be so composed and rational but is so like… brimming with emotion and feeling and passion underneath the surface so much that it can be hard for her to contain and she gets so frustrated and hurt by things and also so passionate and invested in everything as well. no matter what she does theres always like Emotion behind her actions because she cares so deeply about the people around her)

kapreo: 

wait a minute! / willow (i love how like dreamy and atmospheric this song is its very kapreocore i cant explain it. its also just very chill. somehow a lot of kapreos music is so like.. chill despite the fact that they can be a very nervous wreck sometimes)

still feel by halfalive (you will see. i actually cant say anything about this one either but its good for them because of like, the fact that alot of their arc i think is about accepting change and also about persevering in the face of hardship. theres just such a like… “everything is going to shit but im still here” vibe)

sebran: 

touch tone telephone / lemon demon (duh. if you dont think sebran is lemon demon core you are in-fucking-correct, okay)

new york i love you but youre bringing me down / lcd soundsystem (i have sent paragraphs of sebran meta to my girlfriend because of this song and therefore i think its very important. but its also because its kind of sadly nostalgic in a way and i think thats very reflective of sebran… especially with his feelings about the game and his own life. like hes stuck and he doesnt really enjoy it but then he gets unstuck only to basically get restuck again, in a situation thats probably equally as worse as it is better than before)

crylus: 

easy tiger / portugal the man (SO FUCKING SEXY AND LOUD AND FAST PACED AND THATS CRYLUSCORE BAYBEE!)

masterpiece theatre iii / marianas trench (i cant get into this one too much as well due to spoilers but like this is. on god. IT. the sacrifice and over-altruism and concern and recklessness and frustration at himself and at the game like… UGH! crylus is like overabundant in like themes all at once and i think that makes a lot of sense for him because of just how adaptable+intensely empathetic he is. this is really the creme de la creme of crylus songs. when i die you will all realize.)

vergas: 

exxus / glass animals (spooky? i dont know. vergas’ musical aesthetic is like… weird because it swings violently from like old goth music to absolute bangers to like, weird and of course edgy because He Would. i dont know how i found so much music for him. i promise i have good taste but when you have to put together a playlist for an antagonist… you have to go to terrible places.)

the sticks / mother mother (i think vergas is a lot of awful things put into one person but like a theme thats popped up with him a lot in my little brain is like, singularity… isolation, which i think is a lot more different from loneliness? like i think that reading comes from the fact that vergas is so full of pride and thinks of himself as so above the people hes around that hes in his own metaphorical tower (do you see now… do you get it. the playlist title. were symbolisming) and he absolutely refuses to come down)

[roses-and-oceans]

Amicitia Twins AU Playlist

Spotify | Youtube

These sweet boys are filled with passion and pride. Its only fitting that their music reflects some of that~ This was mostly a grab bag but it suits them, I don’t see them being overly picky about a certain type. Playlist headcanons down below!

Heart-Shaped Box by Nirvana ~ Aster loves this song. It’s got nostalgic value from when he was younger. He actually gave a valentine a heart-shaped charm box long ago. Gladio plays this song when Aster’s away cos he used to play it so much.

Innervision by System of a Down ~ Aster listens to this song alot when he’s away from home. It reminds him of sparring with Gladio and training hard, figuring out how to warp. It was tough time but he managed s best he could.

Amsterdam by Imagine Dragons ~ This song to Aster carries the weight of him being in the Kingsglaive. He knows how dangerous it is and how scary it can be, not knowing when he’ll be able to see his family again. Each mission is getting more and more perilous. Aster counts his lucky stars each and every time he manages to get home in one piece.

Bleeding Out by Imagine Dragons ~ Aster knows how unfair things are for glaives. He knows how they’re treated, and he kindly corrects the rude people. He listens to this song and he pictures all of the blood, sweat and tears the other glaives put into their jobs everyday.

Do For Love by 2Pac ~ Gladio and Aster are well versed in dating. They’re smart about it but they like to enjoy themselves. Doesn’t mean that someone didn’t work their way into Aster’s heart. It was a painful breakup because they were unfaithful, but it was better that Aster found out before his deployment. This song helped him quite a bit and he learned from his mistakes.

Lava Lamp by Cuco ~ Both boys know that love is waiting for them out there somewhere. They’re young and very busy with work. Gladio isn’t a very big fan of this song but Aster likes it well enough. He likes to listen to it while reading.

One and Only by Cuco ~ This song Aster saves for special occasions. He wants to experience deep love but knows that he won’t be able to for a very long time. He wants to settle down with someone. After dancing with death several times, he knows what kind of life he wants to lead. He wants to grow old with someone.

Feel Good Inc. by Gorillaz ~ Gladio learned this song on the guitar. He played it badly but he didn’t care. He was excited to learn and Aster cheered him on. When Aster plays this, he’s immediately taken back to his teens. He remembers the chords only because Gladio called them out as he tried to play.

November Has Come by Gorillaz ~ Aster tried his very best to memorize the lyrics to the rap bits of this song. But he failed many times. He plays this every November and he thinks back to the previous November and where he was. He’s either home or away on a mission. 

Leave Out All the Rest by Linkin Park~ When Iris sometimes calls, he feels a pang in his heart for his baby sister. He misses her so much and one time when she called in the dead of night to make sure he was alive after she had a nightmare that he died, he cried with her. This song is a reminder for him to send his love to his family more often.

Sucker for Pain by Imagine Dragons, X Ambassador, Logic, etc ~ Aster realizes how crazy he was to sign up to be a part of the Kingsglaive. He is an Amicitia, he could have chosen to do anything else, yet he chose this. And he doesn’t regret it at all. He listens to this song while getting ready for battle, for a sparring match.

Cool With You by Her’s ~ Gladio secretly loves this song. He won’t admit it but it grew on him. He and Aster imagine romantic scenarios with potential s/os often to pass the time. They’re complete doofuses in love and these love songs are just feeding fuel into the fire. Main reason why Gladio doesn’t really listen to music that much. Main reason why Aster does.

Lo Que Siento by Cuco ~ Think we found Aster’s favorite artist.Also i hc that the Amicitias can speak spanish hhh. Aster, once he finds a good someone to settle down with, wants to play this song on repeat for them. He loves deeply and wants them to know it. Gladio makes fun of him for liking these ypes of songs, bust Aster gets him right back by playing them on repeat and getting them stuck in his head.

Suga Suga by Baby Bash and Frankie J ~ Both Gladio and Aster loved this song when they were younger. It was when they listened to it again and understanding the lyrics as they got older, they busted out laughing. They both still dearly love this song though, its a timeless classic.

Hail to the King by Avenged Sevenfold ~ Once while in the training room, someone put this song in the speaker system and almost all the glaives started to laugh. Aster laughed it off but he ended up liking the song enough to find out its info and listen to it on his early morning jog. 

Kind of a weird selection of songs? Let me know what you guys think or if theres any songs that you feel might fit them! Thank you for reading!

[allisonswrittenwords]

Or “Bee” My Valentine.  No one is judging your cute, pun-filled Valentine card.

Way Back, In Allison’s Past…

When I was in elementary school, from Kindergarten until fourth grade (I don’t remember the exchange happening beyond that, or it was totally optional by then), there was the time-honored tradition of creating a mailbox and passing out Valentine’s Day cards to the other kids in class. Store brought or home made, we carefully printed our recipients’ and our own names on the back of the cards.

On February 14th (or thereabouts, if Valentine’s Day fell on the weekend, or the Friday of President’s Day), there would be a designated time to deliver the Valentines during a classroom party. Junk food and card exchanges, it’s like Christmas, but with hearts!

A few weeks before the holiday, the teachers would give us a list of the names of our classmates, and we would go about purchasing the Valentines for our class.  I don’t remember what I gave out prior to the final year I handed out Valentines, but in fourth grade, my mom ordered Valentines from the Current catalog.  They came with envelopes – how cool! I can’t remember specifically what they looked like (I’m sure pink and red with hearts, nothing totally obvious), but they had envelopes.  They were like real letters!

I used to love giving out Valentines to my classmates – even if the little brats in my class didn’t deserve a Valentine, they still got one, because it was the rule of elementary school Valentine’s Day. Fourth grade was the last time I did it, and I had no problem not having to fill out Valentine’s cards anymore.  It was fun while it lasted, and while kids were appreciative of them.  It’s a shame that kids stopped being appreciative of them, but hey, kids.

Can’t imagine what this tradition is like today.  Probably involves digital something of some kind.

So Many Ways To Say “Be Mine!”

The Valentines themselves were always cute – some came with candy (a card with a lollipop tucked into holes on the card), licensed characters, cute animals holding hearts – it was always fun to dump out the mailboxes and read the Valentines after they were delivered.  Having grown up and gone to school during the late 1980s through the 1990s (I graduated high school in 2001), the best licensed character Valentines were a few years before my time, but the beauty of the internet is that wanting to see what kids gave as Valentines in the 1980s (and even into the 1990s) is a Google (or Pinterest) search away.

Because you know I live for looking up these kinds of treats, here are a few of my favorites, culled from multiple Pinterest searches.

Robots In Disguise…Of Their True Feelings!

I was trying to find Transformers Valentines, preferably Generation 1, because that’s what I was raised on.  Optimus Prime holding a heart, Megatron and his bromance Starscream saying “be mine,” stuff like that.  And just when I thought I came up short on finding the perfect Transformers Valentine, I found this one…

My happy geeky heart squeed a little bit – ok, alot – over seeing Bumblebee on a Valentine.  I love Bumblebee the way I love Optimus Prime, if only because…he’s super adorable.  True story – my husband and I watched Bumblebee over the summer, and when Bumblebee lost his voice and his memory, I screamed out (probably a little louder than I should have, but it’s the nostalgic geek in me) “Oh my God!  That’s how he lost his voice!!!!!!”  My husband, who is not really a Transformers fan, stared at me over my reaction.  Like I said, it was louder than it should have been, but it answered what I didn’t already know about Bumblebee!

But this Valentine…he’s cute!!!

Gahhhh!  So cute!!!!!

Heroes in a Half Shell, with Big, Full Hearts!

In addition to a deep love for robots with personalities and mad fighting skills, I was also into turtles with personalities and mad fighting skills. Michelangelo was my Turtle of choice, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was on my TV, in my brother’s toys, and currently part of my Funko Pop Collection.

And the best part (for my brother) about Christmas 1989.

“TURTLES!” (Christmas 1989, age 7). Photo Credit: Venezio Family Collection

I remember the Turtles being on Valentines given out by little boys in school (I’m pretty sure I got at least one in elementary school), but I found this one on Google, and Dudes, it’s time for Hugs and Kisses!

The Seas Are Shining Bright with All the Colors of The Rainbow On Valentine’s Day…

Rolls off the tip of your tongue when you think “what belongs on a Valentine’s Day greeting,” right?

Rainbow Bright and her friends (well, Canary Yellow, Buddy Blue, and Red Butler, because apparently they double date) love to share in some Valentine love. If I were in school when Rainbow Brite was popular, you can guarantee I would have been giving out Rainbow Brite Valentines to my classmates. They’re not too girly, since there are boys on it; therefore, these are the ones you give to the boys!

But if Rainbow Brite is just too girly for you, perhaps some colorful bears with hearts do more for you?

Care Bears Care About Valentine’s Day!

These are ridiculously cute, and so simple in their approach.  I watched The Care Bears Family, and the movies they starred in (as well as those two early animated specials that still weird me out to this day).  They’re not fancy, not throwing some huge, long-winded message of Valentine’s Day at you, but rather, a simple sentence and a few hearts.  They’re not saccharin, not at all.

But, if you prefer something sweet…

Little girls, boys, and pets named after desserts deserve plenty of 1980s love.  Strawberry Shortcake not only was cute and cuddly in her own special way, but if you ever had a doll from that collection, it smelled freakin’ amazing.  My best friend gave me a Strawberry Shortcake (along with Custard) Funko Pop a few years ago, and she smelled so good.  So did Custard.  That smell lasted a long time, way longer than it had any right to last.

Again, these are the kind of Valentines I would have given out, without regard to the fact that boys were always included in giving out these cards.  And to them, I say…

Huckleberry Pie WAS A BOY!

Pop-Pop-Popples!

I loved Popples when I was four years old.  I had three Popples – one big plush, one smaller plush, and one of those pocket-sized plushie/vinyl hybrids, and I had pajamas.  I’ve watched the “movie,” the cartoon, and I still think they’re cute to this day, even if I don’t have any of my Popples to prove my love.

I have come to the realization that I would have been hard pressed to pick a freakin’ set of Valentines Day cards, had I been given the choice.  For me, 1985-1986 was all about Rainbow Brite, Jem, Popples, and She-Ra.  I would have been all about giving out these choice Valentines to my classmates.

Oh, and did I say She-Ra?

She-Ra: Princess of Powerful Stickers!

Image: Etsy

*Brain explodes*

I think I’ve chosen the Valentines I would have given out to my classmates.  She-Ra and stickers…you can never go wrong with bonuses on you Valentines!

Of course, knowing me, I would probably have given out Valentine with California Raisins on them. Apparently I was into that when I was five, because I had a California Raisins nightgown.

I’m serious.

It’s over 30 years later, and I don’t understand why this was so popular.  Were five-year-olds into Motown or something?

And Now, You!

What kind of Valentines did you give your “Valentines” at school?  Did you have the tradition of making mailboxes and delivering your mail to the other kids in class?  Did you give out any of these Valentines?

I’d love to hear your stories of Valentine’s Day past!

We’re a few days away from Valentine’s Day, as the Month of Love keeps on going.  I’ve got commercials and a Valentine’s Day treat coming up for you this week.  As for the rest of the month, I have more music and nostalgia-heavy articles coming.  When I celebrate a holiday, it overtakes the entire month!

Have a great day!

        Be My #Valentine - Do you remember the Valentines you gave out at school to your "Valentines"? Or "Bee" My Valentine.  No one is judging your cute, pun-filled Valentine card.

[hikarimitsuko]

Middle of the night thoughts

What I realized was...it’s not my nickname that made me feel this bad... Actually it does make me feel bad...BUT not as much as getting rid of it...So perhaps my name will change some day...or maybe not. I’m indeed sad and affected by the fact that I deleted my instagram after 4 years of working hard on building an audience...but said audience of 12k people were ghosts and mainly inactive towards anything I post. Not to whine...nothing like that, the world doesn’t owe me anything...but I do not like wasting my time or speaking in the void. I do feel bad about the fact that some of my followers were following me and encouraging me since the very start and I will definitely be nostalgic for that part and for those amazing people. Hopefully they’ll find me elsewhere.

I’ve been realizing since about a year ago that whatever I tried, to change my style, to cosplay new things, to post some art, to join new networks that would touch more people who could be interested in what I do, I realized that in the end...it’s internet people. They are not friends, never will be. I’m realistic, people follow/followed me for Levi. And anytime I’d try to do something else as well, the difference in interaction was beyond bearable. Now I never wanted to stop cosplaying Levi, but this sort of situation sort of pushed me away from him. The last few times I’ve been him, I had absolutely no fun doing him. 

I think also the cosplay community has changed alot in 4 years. Not only that but there is alot of SJWs now and it’s making the community toxic... Cosplay used to be fun. I will still be doing it on my own but low profile. I will post my pics as posts but if anyone wants to see all my pics they will have to go to my fb page as this is more of a closed space where I can easily deal with toxic people and don’t really care as much if it produces absolutely no reaction.

Some will say...oh she’s still in depression. Well no, actually I’ve been off antidepressants for two weeks... and withdrawal is very bad, like VERY VERY BAD, but I know I can make it. I know I can feel good and happy once I work on things that don’t make me happy anymore.  I always said: when cosplay will stop making me happy, I will stop.

It’s not really the case. I love cosplaying...but I just don’t like to do it for an audience anymore. Especially an audience that is 80% ghosts. Sometimes I wonder what steps I took that were wrong or what I could’ve done differently. Of course you compare yourself as a cosplayer and sometimes seeing people who would put about the same effort as you and started waaaay after you did or even some people who didn’t put any effort at all get so much feedback on their stuff while I was sitting there wondering if what I did was worth sharing or not. Guess insecurity, anxiety and need for validation do that, but I won’t excuse myself for being how I am.

I stopped being excited about sharing photos (photography is one of my main passions so that’s very bad)... And I started feeling like conventions didn’t give me that feeling they used to. It started feeling fake and forced and...it started feeling like a competition all the time. Without even noticing I started comparing myself and finding flaws after flaws in my things...so much that I began to hate most of my cosplays.

As you know, all of this is expensive, it’s expensive to maintain and I tried really hard to keep it going because god knows I love to cosplay...I tried ko-fi, I tried patreon, I tried commissions, I tried tutorials, I tried plenty of things...but it simply didn’t work. I know some people go ebegging all the time but frankly it gets on my nerves so I never intended on making people access my stuff for a price. I always loved seeing people smile and appreciate what I do. A simple thumbs up would make my day, but all these were gone after a while... While my wallet was getting emptier as I kept on going.

I’ll always love cosplay...but I’ll keep it for me. I’ll do it for me. I’ve been cleaning up the 40k pics I have of cosplays. And you know what? I know I did a good job. That’s all that matters. I don’t need anyone’s input on that because most of them are just pixels on a screen looking for easy and free entertainment (which is fine), but I expected too much. I didn’t want people to lurk, I wanted people to interact.  In the past few days I needed help, still do but I’m done asking for any so don’t bother... And out of the approximate 18k persons following me around all social networks i’m in...do you know who helped me? 3 people.

@kozumesenpaii My closest friend. 

@angelica200555 One of my most faithful followers since a long long LONG time ago and an angel

And another person who just started following me.

I know...I know that the world owes me nothing. But you’d think after 4 years of doing this...someone would care enough to offer a 3$ ko-fi. But no.

It’s fine, it’s totally fine I’m not mad (anymore cause i have to admit I was mad when I was panicking about not getting a fucking paycheck this week)... But it did make me realize that....like Max says...it’s only internet people, they don’t care.

It makes way more sense now. And I’ve accepted that. I’m in peace with it. Yesterday was a revelation. I guess I needed something to kick my ass to actually finally make a move. Deleting my instagram made me sad...and once I saw ‘’permanently deleted’’ appear... I immediately cried for 15 minutes.... It took me so long to build this. I’ve loved this so much. But I’ve loved a dream, I’ve loved a bubble and it’s been burst for a while.

Now I will love it differently. I will love cosplay/anime/art and whatever else only for me. I will post but only if I want to.

I will maybe write more fanfics or one shots if I feel like it... I do feel confident about my writing in fanfics but I don’t want to go around parading and promoting the shit out of it. They’re little hidden AO3 treasures that ereri and klance fans might stumble upon and fall in love with.

I will not censure myself either for the sake of having ‘’followers’’ that might not like what I do... I’m done living for people. I’m still not sure about name changing my stuff because my youtube and facebook pages are still under hikarimitsuko and I am keeping these so don’t you worry about that. I re-changed my tumblr and twitter back to hikari but if it makes me feel bad, i’ll just find something else later on. I changed my twitch username without noticing u have to wait 60 days to change it again so if you are looking for hikarimitsuko on twitch...it’s actually ephemere87...for the next 60 days...lol...I’ll probably change it back to hika.

SO hum I guess I wanna say thank you to those who followed me so long and kept believing in me even when I was deep in depression. I know it wasn’t always easy to read my posts because I have very negative phases towards myself...but I try to stay away as much as possible when it happens. Thanks to those who cared no matter what. Thanks to those who get genuinely worried about me. My final request would be : IF YOU ARE A GHOST FOLLOWER, PLEASE, unfollow me.

PS: For future references, I will be posting videos of ALL my cosplays on youtube eventually as compilations. Pretty sure Levi’s will last half an hour or longer lol...But anyways... I keep my youtube too for CMVs and such if the inspiration strikes.

Plan - without timeline:

-Deadpool and spidey skit (with max) - youtube

-Costest of Viktor Nikiforov (gotta style the wig) - on here and facebook

-Cosplay Keith Kogane (when I feel like it) - on here and facebook.

Thank you for these 4 years! It’s not over.

[lifeafterbts-blog]

Whistle to my soul

So I wanna talk about the upcoming BTS comeback song, DNA and its possible connection with previous concepts. If you've seen the teaser, then you probably saw 7 good looking guys doing suddenly some smooth moves to a whistle tune and before you realized what was happening it was over. Oh yeah, they are looking really nice for this comeback. But what I wanna talk is about the whistle as a symbol and how it can relate with previous concepts.

First, let's make clear what a whistle could symbolize: On a positive light, if done absent-minded its an expression of cheerfulness or happiness at that given moment. On another hand, it can also symbolize a call for attention and in it's more negative form it could represent an alarm or signal of danger.

That being said, let's focus on the last two meanings which are used alot through other symbols (soundwise) in previous BTS songs.

By other symbols I mean ringing bell sounds, sirens and the like. A ringing bell for instance can be heard in NO MORE DREAM as a call for attention to the youth that has no goals or dreams for their life. Similarly, you can hear a police siren in N.O. But, let's skip ahead to I NEED U cause otherwise it'll take me forever.

Btw, I advice you to read my previous post (although Jimin focused) on my interpretation connecting HYYH era until upcoming Love Yourself, since my following ideas exposed are complimentary.

So I NEED U starts with this synthetic drop like sound and as Suga's rap progresses it becomes higher pitched and it resembles more a synthetic singing/whistling bird. And well, you all know how birds play a big part in BTS MVs, so I'm not gonna go too deep in this but if we consider that "synthetic/whistling bird" = "unnatural/fake bird" then it would fit with the whole idea that in that era, they were still at a transitional point were they hadn't fully grown their own "wings" as birds that can fly, and so they were just "pretending" (check out Jimin running with spread arms in the gif above)... and thus it's a call for attention, which leads us to the whole "fake self" portrayed in Love Yourself Highlight Reel.

Forgetting about the M/V storyline though, it gives off this nostalgic cry vibe which fits with the loneliness the overall song and lyrics portray. In that sense, it's similar to Whalien52 high pitch staple sound. Let's talk about RUN though.

RUN has similar sounds to I NEED U (like other songs from the same album) but what I wanna highlight is the sound resembling a faraway police/ambulance siren. It's best heard right at the beginning (around 0:05). Storyline wise, this siren would represent an alarm or signal of danger and throughout the MV you can see various instances fitting of this meaning with Suga & Jungkook fighting, V and Rap Monster getting chased by the police, Jungkook's car accident, etc.

From an exclusive lyrics point of view, they basically talk about being chase by the truth: that (their) love was a lie and thus they run, because they're still not ready to accept it. So the sense of being chased by the truth is accentuated by that faraway sounding siren, like when a police unit turns on their siren when chasing someone. On the other hand, we can also interpret it as an ambulance siren comming to get them because they're ill from their love.

That being said, both interpretation wouldn't be too farfetched if we also apply it to the MVs storyline, as we see V actually end up in a police station in STIGMA; Jungkook in a hospital in Love Yourself HIGHLIGHT Reels; and not to mention Jimin's and J-Hope's multiple introspective hospital bed /psychiatric ward scenes in RUN itself and LIE/MAMA short films.

And speaking of the Wings Short Films, throughout the series we can clearly hear sirens and eerie whistling that work as alarm/danger symbols and overall adding to the dark tone of each member's story.

Let's jump ahead to Blood Sweat & Tears though where you can also hear a siren that progressively becomes louder. The first instance it appears is through Jungkook's part right in the beginning.

For story purposes, it works as a symbol signaling that "something is about to happen". That "something" being the awakening/revelation that each of the members experience throughout the MV. Lyrics wise, that "something" is their surrendering to temptation. And speaking of temptation, alternatively that siren could be interpreted as the mythological creature "siren's voice" enchanting them. On that note, sirens were mostly depicted as a woman with bird like features that with a very sweetly voice would lull sailors to sleep and then kill them. And their name origin my come from the word "bind" in greek. Sounds familiar?

"My blood sweat & tears, my last dance take them all. My cold breath, take it away [...] Sweeter than sweet/ and Chocolate wings but your wings are those of a devil"

And the Japanese ver.: "Tie me up already baby [...] Please end it with your own hands"

Skipping further ahead into Spring Day, in the MV we can hear the departure bell for their "train of thought" which's destination is probably "where did things went wrong?" But speaking about the song itself, during practically the whole song you can hear this synthetic chord progression (is that what you call it?) Personally it was jarring to my ears at first, it's kinda like another kind of modulated siren (sorry I don't know how else to describe it). Anyway, it keeps repeating like how they keep going in circles inside their thoughts. This applies both lyrically (as RM mentions it in his part, and because of the persisting longing expressed in the hook) and visually through the members moving across different settings with each door they cross. Also, in the mv, towards the MV we can listen and see a train passing before Jungkook which could symbolize how his "train of thought" changed lanes and is no longer in a vicious closed circuit. Such change is reflected in the MV when they get off the train and lyrically in the last hook when they reach a decision (to meet on spring day) instead of just lamenting and wondering like previously.

Last stop before our final destination is NOT TODAY. For this one, you can listen right before Suga's rap a high pitch sound that fades away similar to when you have the sensation of a buzzing/ringing/beeping sound in your ears. This condition is called a tinnitus and according to google there's various causes but for storyline purposes, the ones fitting are:

-Natural aging (we see them all transition into adults)

-Certain drugs (J-hope in I need u/Mama/BST jp ver)

-When fainting (I Need U/ Save me: "save me before I fall" / Lie / Love yourself reel 3) Furthermore, it mentions drinking, smoking and stress can worsen the symptoms. In that sense, the ringing sound would represent a reminder of their "injuries and hardships" but since the sound clears out then they're "overcoming it" and Suga's rap right after matches really well with this interpretation. He goes: "No, not today, Today's too good to let it end"

So, back to my original reason for this post: the whistle in upcomming DNA. The teaser might've made it look to some that it might be unrelated to previous concepts. But personally I see a storyline progress throughout all of BTS concepts, it's just that they're just not necessarily in order and because they tend to focus more on the feelings rather than the actual events that cause them, people tend to find it confusing because they concentrate more on trying to understand the order of events rather than the feelings that are being portrayed.

But getting back on topic, recapping: in I need U there was a "synthetic whistle" which symbolized "fake love /un mature birds". Fast forward to DNA, and this time the whistle might be a representation of "real love" hearing how it's a natural sound and also holding a more positive meaning compare to previous similar types of sounds. And if we take into consideration the song title, the song could be about how "this love" defines each of them their uniqueness and/or how it's intrinsically part of them that they cannot change, in other words "unconditional".

Or I could be totally wrong and it's really just about Daegu's New Agust d (DNA) lamb skewers shop opening while Hobbie Eats Ramyeon(HER).

No, but seriously no matter whatever it turns out to be I can't wait for it. Anyway, this has been a long post of many ideas I've had for a while. Take note I don't have any formal knowledge in music nor a great hearing, so all this rambling is very subjective. So the way I described the sounds might be totally different for you, and they're not necessarily and most likely not deliberately produced that way by BTS and BigHit for the reasons stated above. So yeah, don't take it too seriously either. For me interpretations/theories are fun not because of deciphering out every single thing of what's happening and what the creator's view was but figuring out what it represents to myself.

Quick edit:

Did you all listen to the second teaser? There's that same growing siren from BST and some high fashion/classy vibes soundwise. There's some beeping sounds resembling HYYH era (check RUN and Dead Leaves for instance) and the experimental sounds in BEGIN. Visually too it looks very clean with backgrounds aesthetics similar to the wings short films. Well that's it for now, gotta get back to work.