#i had an idea for july and andrea but i never really know what a characters gonns look like until i put pen to paper

[ordinary-vanity]

one of the families in moonflower. Andrea and Martha are close, and consequently, so are July and Sebastian, who are closest in age.

[everythingne]

marketing ploy ln4 - ch 6

Austria goes to shit. Great Britain follows.

piastri!oc x lando norris, bestfriends brother/fake dating

warnings/notes: inappropriate comments, lando being overprotective, arguments/cursing, mildly severe car accidents (guys its an f1 fic what we were expecting. gotta do the cliche for my first fic), vague descriptions of injury, a few sexual comments, this is SO LONG. like 5k-6k words?

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01 JULY, AUSTRIA.

I woke up with a bad feeling in my chest and an odd headache. My lone hotel room, to give Oscar and Lily some space since she was finally able to tag along again this season, felt so enclosing. Slowly pulling myself out of bed, I groaned and immediately went to get ready when I noticed the time. Luckily, it was only qualifiers today, so I didn't have much to do other than hide in my office and make sure no one's car was going to explode.

But god, on my worst day, everything has to go wrong.

First, Max's tires never got warmed. Something was broken, and I had to do so much boring bullshit paperwork. Then, Checo's brakes got sticky and we had to have him DNF. Then for some reason, half the fucking sensors hadn't even recorded anything so I couldn't even tell why they had gotten sticky. But I did feel a bit better (not at all) knowing it had also happened to a few other drivers so it wasn’t just us.

So I was having the greatest time, sarcasm fully intended. And then I completely missed seeing Oscar and Lily for lunch because I was in an emergency meeting. And by the time I got out of Red Bull's garage, it was nearing five at night and I hadn't had anything to eat or anything to drink after one water bottle and my headache still had gotten worse because of it.

And then got immediately swamped by reporters.

Luckily, I saved some class and patience and was able to make it through fine but by the time I got to McLaren's garage, I was about ready to snap at someone.

"Ollie!"

Thank god.

"Oscar." I hum as he wraps an arm around my shoulder, and then he makes a face as he notices just how exhausted I am.

"You guys had it rough today." He says and I just nod, rubbing at my jaw and rolling my neck as he steps back, leans over, and hands me a packet of some sort of assorted chocolates.

"I love you so much." I sigh as I open the packet and he laughs, dragging me further into the garage where everyone else is settled and just relaxing. McLaren had a really good day, both Lando and Oscar in Q1 and I can see everyone laughing and celebrating. A completely different feel from the tense garage at Red Bull. Lily gives me a tight hug when she sees me and urges me to come sit with her so we can catch up, we end up in a bit further and in a corner so we can have a bit of privacy. All is fine, and Lily is very quickly improving my mood as we giggle and share stories (and I happily answer all her questions about Lando and me) before we're approached by a guy I don't recognize.

"You guys need water?" He asks innocently, and though it's not extremely hot in Austria, I take one from his hands. Lily denies it, showing off the water bottle she's still drinking, and the guy seemingly just blips out.

"Weird." I hum, cracking open the water bottle and taking a sip of the cool liquid, "Never seen him before. Maybe he's new?"

"Or a volunteer?" Lily suggests and I shrug in response, eventually, Oscar comes over and wraps an arm around Lily's waist and she grins, popping a kiss on his cheek. Finally, the two of them were actually looking like a couple in public. Which, is probably what happens when two introverts start dating. I swear they didn't hold hands for months.

"Lando's being interviewed if you wanna wait for him for the media shit." Oscar pokes my hand and I pretend to flick the water bottle at him. The two of us make faces for a few seconds before I nod, taking another sip of my water bottle.

"Yeah, he and I are going out to eat again tonight. Andrea's idea." I sigh, looking over my shoulder where I can see Lando sitting with some people with a microphone in hand. I notice though it's not Sky, but rather ESPN, and I hum before turning back to Oscar and Lily and wishing them on their way. I pull out my phone, answering a few texts before someone walks up beside me. And it's the same guy from earlier.

"Oh. Hi." I say softly as he smiles at me, looking a little flustered for a second before he starts talking.

"Just wanted to say hello, I'm one of the mid-season hires. I'm an engineering assistant, Jordan." He held out his hand and I grinned, shaking his hand firmly.

"Olivia Piastri, Oscar's younger sister. I'm Red Bull's head analyst." I let go of his hand and Jordan nods, he wrings his hands before he continues talking and I feel the confidence he's trying to exhume here.

"Ah, I've seen a bit about you. Kinda hard to miss such a pretty face." Jordan grins, running a hand through his hair and tilting his head with a tiny grin. 

Is he flirting with me? Is this guy daft?

"Well, thank you. But uhm--" I look around the garage, hoping to maybe signal another person in the garage to come over and get me out of this just terribly awkward situation. Lando's wrapping up his interview, handing back his microphone and laughing softly as he shakes hands with the reporters. 

"Seriously, you're by far one of the most gorgeous girls I've seen." Jordan steps a bit closer and leans on the wall beside me with his body covering my view of the majority of the garage, "are you free tonight? I'd like to get to know you better."

I step back, putting myself back into the view of the garage as I try to keep my patience and shake my head no. I'd never had this issue before, how exactly does one stop unwanted advances? I'd never had to, I was never alone when these sorts of things happened to me. 

So, I stammer, "Ah, I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend and.."

"Ay, is he here? Because I don't see anyone staking their claim on you." Jordan grins and I tighten my grip on the water bottle and click my tongue against my teeth. Okay, if he was gonna be like that I could be bitchy too. I glance back across the room one final time, making eye contact with Jon who gives me a sharp nod, but I don't see Lando anymore. Which... could be good or bad.

"He works for McLaren, and is a part of your team, so you might wanna... not... flirt with me?" I turn back to Jordan, make an uncomfortable grimace at him, and end up tightly crossing my arms over my uniform shirt, "So..."

"Yeah, who's your boyfriend then?" Jordan hums, looking over, "Jon?"

"Me," A hand slides across my waist, fingers digging into my skin harsh enough to likely leave bruises as I'm tugged back into Lando's chest. With one hand still firm on my waist, his other hand comes to my jaw so he can turn me to press a soft kiss to my lips before he leans back and whispers, "Hi, baby."

"Hi, Nori." I smile, turning back to Jordan who raises an eyebrow. And I can already tell this is going to be terrible because he hasn't exactly backed down. I see a reporter tilt their camera at us, and I grip Lando's wrist to tell him to back off. But Lando stays close, and my cheeks tint red as Jordan starts to speak.

"Got yourself a good-lookin' girl there, Lando." Jordan grins, winking at me and making my skin crawl. Lando's hands tighten on my waist, pulling me into him a bit more if that's even possible, and now I'm not even mad that he's doing this anymore. I wanted to be doing anything else than being here.

"Mhm. Olivia's my girl, don't you know? She's been my girlfriend for a while, so why dont'cha step back?" Lando smiles, but his threat is not hidden very well. 

"Ay, it's all good Lando, I don't like to share my meals."

"Oh-kay!" I shout but Lando takes over, stepping around me to point at Jordan and get in his face. I see half the McLaren garage turn, and someone shouts to send the media out of the garage as the cameras scramble to try and take photos and videos of the altercation.

"If you know what's good for you--" Lando grits, eyes narrowing as Jordan smirks in his face. His confidence was a far cry from the scrawny guy who had walked up to me prior, Lando continues through his teeth, "You won't say anything like that again or I'll make sure you can't speak anymore."

"Sorry, man. Didn't realize this would piss you off so much," Jordan takes a step back, his smile making it known his apology was fake, and my tight grip on Lando's wrist makes it so he won't follow.

"Bye, Jordan," I say, voice soft but level. A sort of period to the end of whatever conversation Lando and Jordan had silently through their eyes before Jordan backed off and slipped into the crowd of McLaren officers off to the side. I keep my iron grip on Lando's wrist and he slowly turns around to look at me. At this point, my exhaustion and anger from the whole day is bubbling just under my skin. Unlike my twin, I was never good at completely holding myself back when I got like this.

"Lando." My tone comes out much colder than I'm expecting, and I grab his wrist again and forcefully tug him to my side as I hiss, "What the fuck was that?!"

"Did you hear what he said?"

"Yes! But was that worth threatening him?"

"What did you want me to do?" He said and when I peeked over his shoulder and saw everyone watching, I grabbed Lando by the collar and pulled him into Andrea's vacant office, slamming the door shut and pointing at him.

"I had it handled, okay?" I snap, "He was just being a jackass, you didn't have to threaten to make him unable to speak--Lando! Who the fuck says that?!"

"Did you have it handled? That was you having it handled?" Lando asks, incredulously, sitting on the edge of Andrea's desk as I stay at the door, using my heel to keep it closed just in case someone tried to push it open at any point since I knew the door didn't lock.

"You don't need to protect me like that, Lando, it's not your job!"

"It's not, I'm your boyfriend--" And the rest of what Lando says fizzles out in my head. Boyfriend. Boyfriend. The word that had been taunting me for weeks. Lando Norris, my boyfriend for the media. The boy who could never be mine. And something in my chest breaks, I can feel the tether finally snap, and I shout.

"No, you are not!" My volume surprises me, and I know McLaren can probably hear us immediately after saying it, so I drop my voice down to a hard snapping tone, "You aren't my boyfriend, Lando. You aren't! You can't be, no matter how much I love you, or you love me, or if we fall in love after all of this is over--you are not my boyfriend and you will never be because we can't be in love, Lando!"

"We can't? Who said that?!" He snaps back, "Do you think I've been doing all of this for media? For a fucking paycheck? God, no Ollie. I fell in love with you the first time Oscar brought you around! Do you think I agreed with this for a check? No, I agreed to that stupid contract because it's you! If it was anyone else I would've just walked the fuck out of that office, it's you I want, only you, only you, Olivia."

"But you know you can't have me, so why string me along like this? We can't be together, no matter what we want, we're gonna have to break up at some point! So why should we even try?" 

"Who cares what they say? Zak, Andrea, Christian? You're gonna let them run your life?" Lando steps closer to me, taking my jaw into his gentle hold, voice so soft I feel my heart drum against my lungs, "We do what they say, sure, but once we've completed that contractual obligation... can they tell us we can't ever be this again? Be... us, again?"

"I can't do this Lando," I whisper, bringing my hands to my chest and he steps back. The space between us suddenly felt so vast, and something in me clicked and I knew something irreversible was going to be said. That maybe I had started the downfall here, and Lando's hurt expression tells me I have.

He can only whisper, "Why?"

"I just..." I stammer, making a vague gesture to the room. There's no way for me to express the thousands of thoughts that race through my head, a constant loop of some F1 circuit of emotional mess slamming into every reasonable thought and fizzling out reason.

"Because you're scared of being loved? You're scared of what will happen if you fall in love?" Lando accuses and I can't answer those questions, because I am. I'm so scared. But not because of Lando. Because of media. So I shout the next best option.

"I never wanted the attention! I didn't become a driver because I can't handle the media like you all can! And yet I end up here, and--" I go to keep talking and Lando holds up a hand, shouting over me,

"Okay, then back out! You clearly want nothing to do with me, or this, or everything that's happening, so go tell Christian you're done!"

Silence. I swallow thickly because no. I don't want to be done. I want to fight tooth and nail for everything in this relationship, but also, was this what was best? Should I back out now, before everything we've done catches up to us? A hubris that needs to be checked? I knew from the beginning I was going to burn, but not like this. Never did I think it would be like this. 

"Olivia..." Lando whispers, and I feel something roll down my cheeks. I'm crying I realize. The world is blurry, my throat is dry, and I'm crying over a relationship I can now see we both want but... at least to me, we can never have.

Do I ask Christian..?

"No, Lando." I sigh, doting under my teary eyes, "This is why. This is why. We will end up here one day, and I can't do that. I... I'll talk to you later."

"Ollie, wait!"

I turn, leaving the office in a hurry. I shove through the McLaren workers who try to stop me and once I'm in the clear, I run. The Red Bull paddock isn't far and once I get there I can't breathe, shoving through people who now wear the same uniform as me. My office doesn't even feel safe, the flowers on my desk mocking me, and I grab them and in a fit of rage, I throw them across the room. It doesn't make the pain in my chest leave.

“Olivia!” Someone shouts and I turn, Christian just barely in the doorway. I shout, without thinking, without even pausing.

“I’m backing out! I’m done with that media stunt—!” And a hiccup breaks my sentence, “Get me out of it!”

“I—“

“—Now, Christian!”

The garage is silent after my scream, and poor Christian looks horrified as he nods, and shuts the door to my office. I let a shaky breath out as I realize what I’ve done is irreversible, but there’s so much pain in my whole heart I can’t tell if that’s what’s hurting me. I sink to my knees on the floor, a hand on my chest, a hand on the carpet, and I sob.

I don’t even know why I’m crying.

An arm is around my shoulder, a set of hands resting on my elbows as someone whispers to me. I don't even know who the people are when I look up, and the sight of both Max and Checo kneeling in front of me makes the tears double. At some point, Checo leaves, once I've calmed enough for Max to convince me to lay down with his jacket covering my legs as I hiccupped and slowed down my breathing with Max's hand applying solid pressure to my chest.

Charles and Daniel come back with Checo, who then leaves the room entirely, and I end up with my weird little mixed driver support group on the floor in my office.

Something so odd, something that should not be happening in any way, but yet here we are.

Somehow, one relationship shattering had made the other relationships in my life more clear. Relationships that had started casually and professionally, and ended up with me now having twenty or so brothers at this point. 

Brothers.

Just like Oscar.

-

Max drops me at Oscar's hotel room a few hours later when he returns from his date with Lily. She ends up going off on her own, with a few of the other WAGs, to give Oscar and me privacy. I settle on the couch, sipping a water bottle as Oscar looks out the window. I hadn't told anyone else what Lando and I had argued about, Max had kinda picked up on it as had Charles, but they had given me a berth. A space to explain. When I didn't take the invitation, they didn't try and pull me in to say anything. Which I appreciated beyond words.

"What happened?" Comes the soft voice of my twin. I knew Oscar wouldn't have been like them though. 

“I backed out,” I say, rubbing a hand along the fabric beneath me.

"What?" Oscar turns to face me, "You backed out?"

"Of the shit with Lando, I can't do it anymore. I can't have my emotions being toyed with like this anymore. And we both like each other but one day they're gonna come along and tell us we need to break up and we have to listen to them." I find a stray string in the couch stitching and begin picking it. My nails dig into them, making a slightly bigger hole. It feels like the way I'd ripped a hole into my own heart earlier.

"I had a feeling this was gonna happen." Oscar walks across the room to sit on the arm of the couch, looking over at me, "what happened?"

"I just had a shit day, and... and when this guy at McLaren started flirting excessively with me he got super overprotective and threatened the guy. Which... isn't the worst but he could've handled it better." I wave my hands, "But I had such a shit day I just blew up at him over it, and we fought, and he told me to back out if I couldn't handle it... and when I got back to Red Bull I just did it. I didn't even think and now I think I made a huge fuckin' mistake but I can't go back on it now."

"Could you talk to Christian? Ask him to wait?" Oscar hums, his hand coming up to card through my hair again and I melt into his touch as per usual.

"I dunno." I murmured, closing my eyes, "I just wanna sleep the rest of the day off."

"We can talk about it tomorrow after the race, okay?" He says, looking down at me before turning to look at his phone as it buzzes on the table. I look up at him and see his jaw tense, hand pausing on my head as he makes a face.

"Oh, Christ." He whispers, turning his phone to me. I climb up to sit next to him, eyes widening as I look over the post he shares and my stomach falls to my chest.

"This is not what Christian told me would happen," I whisper, Oscar's hand squeezing my upper arm in some sort of semblance of support. Of course, getting out of this mess with Lando wouldn't be easy.

Now I needed to talk to Christian. As soon as possible.

01 JULY, TWITTER ↴

written by Julia Sine, 01 July, 2024.

Cars aren't the only thing racing down the track in Austria this weekend, so are some hearts! In an exclusive interview after the qualifier today, multiple McLaren and Red Bull workers spoke with reporter Julia Sine about what might become the next 'it couple' after Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift.

"Lando and I first spoke about it in Bahrain. He said the two of them have been close since Oscar's rookie season last year and he was worried Olivia's job would be at stake if their relationship ever leaked to the public," Steve Atkins, McLaren's Head of Communications explained while standing in the paddock with Chief Executive Officer Zak Brown and Team Principal Andrea Stella, "I went and spoke with Christian Horner, the Team Principal of [Oracle Red Bull Racing] and we agreed that since they were on separate teams, and Olivia was an analyst and not an engineer, there was no conflict of interest. Olivia did sign an NDA, just to make sure she wasn't leaking race information to Lando but it was never brought to our attention if Olivia and Lando ended up dating."

"If the two of them are dating, which again I've had nothing clarified to me if they are or aren't, I'd imagine they've been keeping it private due to concerns with the media and fans." 

"Olivia and Lando have a very unique connection, and we here at McLaren are all supportive of relations between teams. All our drivers are friends at the end of the day and we support [Lando and Oscar] being friends with any of the drivers outside of racing. However, I will say we have seen some tensions growing between our drivers and Red Bull." Andrea spoke with me and Zak right before leaving for a meeting, Zak agreed with Andrea, and he further stated, "A lot of the tension we've been seeing with Max and Lando on the track stems from this, in my opinion."

When I made my way to Red Bull to ask some more questions about the situation, I was only able to briefly speak with Alice McLoughlin, Red Bull's Head of Communications who said, "The relationships our staff members get into is not any of our business as long as it's not a conflict of interest or damaging to the staff member themselves. I have not been told if there is for certain a relationship, but if there is I wish both of them well but we will be waiting for their announcement before we decide anything.

read more online at popsugar.uk!

--

04 JULY, 2024 - MILTON KEYNES, UK.

My phone ringing breaks the three hour silence I've subjected myself to after my meeting with Christian and Ada. The meeting where I had said me wanting to back out of the contract was emotionally charged and said I no longer wanted to. Luckily, they hadn't started the process of backing me out of the contract yet, so it was pretty easy for me to stay.

Reaching over, I grab my phone and read the contact, pausing before lifting it to my ear, "Lando..?"

"Ollie, hey... uhm, how are you?" He sounds uncertain, almost like he wasn't sure if I was going to pick up. I can't blame him for thinking that, since our last conversation was that big fight.

"Tired." I admit, but don't say it's because I've lost sleep thinking I was going to lose him, "I'm working late again tonight."

"Oh, sorry... do you want me to call you later?" I hear what sounds like a gear shifting, and I briefly wonder if he's on his sim.

"No, I'm just uploading files. And your voice is honestly more welcome than the silence of a nearly empty Red Bull garage... why'd you call?" I turn to look out the windows at the slowly setting sun, watching as the world is beginning to be coated gold.

"I wanted to apologize for the whole thing with Jordan, I shouldn't have threatened him like that." Lando's words come out rushed and squishy, like he's holding out his heart and expecting me to step on it.

I like to imagine gently covering his heart, protecting it, as I speak softly, "No, no you're fine. I was having a shitty day and I took it out on you. I really should be the one apologizing, you didn't do anything wrong. You were protecting me. Thank you for that."

"Yeah, it's fine. I'd do it a thousand times." He says, then theres a long pause. It's not akward, if anything it allows me to feel the emotions roll through me-- embarrassment at my past behavior, nervousness for his call, and a sick sort of love building in my gut that I, for once, did not push away.

Finally, Lando whispers, "did you back out?"

"I was going to, but... I talked to Christian this morning when I was a bit more level headed and we agreed I'm gonna stay." I say, and I hear him sigh with relief. A small smile bubbles across my lips, letting the giddy feeling fill my body as I tap my toes along the floor and spin my chair.

"Can you come outside?" Lando's question catches me off guard.

"What?"

"Look out your window." He says, and I scramble up from my desk and walk to the big glass panes that cover my office, looking down into the mostly vacant parking lot and there he is.

"You are something else." I whisper, then look back at my computer. I could finish the work tomorrow, "I'll be down in ten."

I scramble to save my work, kicking off my work shoes for the actual nice YSL heels I'd worn in. Once they're secure on my feet, I touch up my makeup and spritz myself with perfume. The whole time I'm giggling to myself, smiling as I pack up my desk and then throw my belongings into my purse and find myself half running to the elevator. I hurry to text Oscar that I'll be back a bit later than expected as the floors ping, and when I hit the ground floor, I throw my phone in my bag without a care, clock out and scan out, and open the door to the cool night breeze rippling across my blushing, hot skin.

God, it was so good to let myself feel this raw emotions again.

Lando pushes himself off his car, hands still in his pockets, and I bee line to him. Luckily, he kinda gets the hint of what I'm asking, and his hands come to rest on my waist when I reach him.

I pause to put my purse on the hood of his car, and then grab his collar and pull his lips to mine.

He laughs into the kiss, our teeth briefly smashing before I right us and press in deep. His arms wrap around my waist and he tugs me closer, one hand sliding up the side of the dress shirt I wear before tangling its fingers in the hair at the base of my neck. When we pull back, briefly, I giggle as he peppers kisses to my hairline before pulling me back in.

"Fuck, I missed you." He whispers against my lips and I step back, just enough to see him--and he looks exhausted. My hands come to his face and he melts into my touch, almost like he's craving it.

"I missed you too." I murmur back, watching the way he holds his eyes shut. I can see the layers of stress physically peeling away from him and being swept away by the hand I raise to run through his curls and the other hand I slide down to apply that comforting firm pressure to the chest--right under his collarbones, and then his head falls to the crook of my neck. One innocent little peck placed on my collarbone that has me shiver.

We stand like that for a while. Two silent beings in the windy, cold, English night, and eventually I convince Lando to sit in his car when my thinly covered legs start to get cold. We end up just... driving. A silence enveloping us as I rest my head on his shoulder and he keeps that damn hand on my thigh. It's gonna be the death of me. He is going to be the death of me.

But, loving Lando Norris is a death I would welcome with open arms.

04 JULY -- INSTAGRAM ↴

OLIVIAPIASTRI MADE A NEW POST!

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, maxverstappen, and 145k others...

oliviapiastri: my pretty boy <3

landonorris: this mystery guy needs a haircut hes stealing my look >:(

⤷ oliviapiastri: you'll get over it

maxverstappen: i want u to know kelly shouted 'THANK GOD' when i showed her this post

oscarpiastri: OH SO THIS IS WHY YOU MISSED OUR FUCKING MOVIE NIGHT??

⤷ oscarpiastri: ANSWER ME HELLO?

⤷ oliviapiastri: BRO HOLD ON I AM DOING SOMEONE

⤷ opheliapiastri: OLIVIA????

⤷ oscarpiastri: HOLD THEFUCKON??? OLIVIA LOUISE RAY PIASTRI.

⤷ oaklynnpiastri: moment of silence for our mystery guy. oscar is approaching his location at rapid speeds.

⤷ landonorris: rip

⤷ oscarpiastri: shut.

⤷ oliviapiastri: @ oscarpiastri I MEANT SOMETYHIN. I MEANT TOT TYPE SOMETHING. DO NOT SHOW UP TO HIS HOUSE.

christianhorner: geri said 'good that little fucker didn't break her heart' and slammed the steak knife back into the knife holder.

⤷ oliviapiastri: OH MY GOD?? THANK U MOM?? @ gerihalliwell

⤷ gerihalliwell: of course :)! girls stick together!

09 JULY -- GREAT BRITAIN.

"Max, make sure you're giving space here. These turns can get tricky." I hear someone say in the radios, my hands fidgeting with my keychains as I watch the race on the screens, and then glance over to the sensors. All was running well, back tires a bit hot, but nothing we were concerned about.

"Ollie, tell your brothers best friend to get out of the way." Max frustratedly huffs and I laugh, leaning forward to speak into the comms.

"Logan is in P9, actually, not P1." I chime, luckily getting a soft chuckle from Max. We'd been doing exceptionally well this season as per usual, even if I had sort of stopped paying attention a bit. I did note the tensions between him and Lando were really high during this race. The two had been neck and neck since the beginning, and everytime they got a one-up on the other it just made them push harder. They had a pretty good gap between them and the rest of the racers, with Oscar holding his own in P3. It seemed like another weekend with those three on top, but at least watching this race was interesting.

The breaking sensors start flashing, indicating they're running too hot, so I chime, "Max, ease up on breaking. We might want to look into getting your tires swapped for mediums soon."

Max doesn't respond, but he does ease up on the breaking. Which makes me feel a bit better.

"Lando's coming in hot to the pit." Someone says, and I glance up over the computers and my eyebrows knit. He's driving weird. Like... almost as if he doesn't have control of steering. I see the safety car prepare for a possible departure and I stand, looking down at Max's sensors, and then someone shouting brings my attention back up.

"He can't stop!"

There was a moment where it felt like everything froze. My hands couldn’t find my mouth fast enough to hide my shock. Lando’s car slams probably two hundred kilometers into the barrier that leads into the pit lane and skids along the wall all the way inside the lane until it spins and slams into another one of the barriers. Red Bulls paddock is first in the pit this round, and I can see the smoke beginning to billow around Lando's car immediately once the car fully stops. People are shouting, McLaren engineers sort of straggling by the exit to the track as a yellow is waved, waiting for a command. I see Jon amongst them, shouting into his headset, and I hate the silence lets me hear his voice strain as he hollers,

"Lando! Lando, are you alright?"

I can't hear a response from the McLaren driver even if I strain my ears.

“Lando—come on.” I find myself saying, hearing Max and Checo on the radio asking for clarification of what happened, but also hearing someone say it was clear for people to go and get Lando out of a burning car. My headphones are yanked off my head and Christian’s hand firmly pushes me forward.

“Go.” Is all he has to say.

I’m running faster than I can carry myself, stumbling over numb legs as I sprint to the car. My hands scrape the concrete as I nearly fall, but I save myself the embarrassment of wiping out with a quick stumble and keep running. I can hear more people behind me as I climb up, holding onto the halo to stabilize myself.

“Lando!” I shout as I grab Lando’s helmet and slowly slide his head back as I start to detach him from his seat belts. Jon is there immediately, helping my shaky hands undo the devices. I keep looking at Lando's visor, trying to catch his eyes, but there’s no time to waste as I smell and hear the various engineers who'd run out trying to extinguish the car. I get one side of the belt off, starting to detach the hands device from the helmet by Jon's command when two hands grab my wrist.

Snapping my gaze up, I meet Lando’s eyes from where I’m sitting, one leg wrapped around the halo so I don’t fall, one hand on his neck as I hold the clasp to the hands device, the other on the back of the car as his eyes meet mine.

I’ve never seen Lando look so…terrified. His bright eyes are staring me down, pupils small and shaking as his grip tightens on me. I know my own eyes can’t look much different.

“Ollie?” He whispers and I shush him, detaching him from the car fully as I grab him by the shoulders.

“I got you, Nori. Jon and I got you.” I say softly, looking up to where other drivers are stopped on the track—standing up in their cars to get a better view, “get up so everyone knows you’re okay.”

Lando’s hands grab my shoulders, my hands sliding to his ribs as I slowly help him to his feet with Jon on standby. Medical and McLaren officials swarm around us, hands out and ready to help as I slowly unlatch my leg and slide off the side of the car. Lando’s weight on me is nearly crushing, but once we get him out he collapses even further into my arms in a cry of agony. Two hands find my back, medics reaching to grab Lando and I almost fight them in retaliation.

“Ollie!” someone shouts and I turn to see Jon running along to the medics side. I feel stuck, trying to swallow something that makes my eyes burn. Lando’s still got a vice grip on my wrist and when the medics try to separate us—it only tightens.

“Mr. Norris—“ The woman tries.

“Lando.” I finally find the courage to move forward, they’ve got him on a gurney now, trying to lay him back but he keeps fighting them. I can’t begin to understand why, “you’re okay. Let them take care of you.”

They tilt his visor up, and I gently lay him back, Jon reciting medical information over my head as they begin to assess his damage, still pulling us further away from the car which I note is now long extinguished. They stop us at McLaren's paddocks, Jon dipping inside to grab Lando's things as we wait for an ambulance to meet us here.

“Olivia.” I hear Lando’s muffled voice and I feel tears fill my eyes as I lean down, pressing my forehead to where his visor now lays and let out a shuttering sigh that makes my body ache just as much as my heart.

“You’ll be okay, Lando. But you have to let them help you.” I speak in a strained voice, feeling one of his hands come to wrap around my waist. I find his other hand and squeeze it, before that hand comes to rest under his helmet, “I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

“I don’t wanna go without you.” he whispers, my heart shattering into a thousand pieces at his soft plea for me to stay. But I know its useless.

"I'm so sorry, baby." The words feel forced out of my mouth with how much effort it takes it whisper them, "You gotta go. And I have to stay."

"Ollie, please..." He whispers, and I press a kiss to the spot on his helmet where his lips would be, then take his gloved hand on my waist and lift it to my lips and kiss his hidden knuckles. The barrier feels unfair, but I'm doing what I can.

"As soon as I can be, I will be by your side." I say as Jon reappears, the ambulance coming up screaming besides us.

"You promise?" Lando says under the sirens and the shouting and I nod.

"I swear on my life."

That's what ends up being enough, because Lando finally lets go of me after one more final kiss to the 'mouth' of his helmet. The medics and EMTs swarm us, carefully moving Lando who groans and gasps in pain. I can't imagine what injuries he might have as they slowly and carefully load him into the back of the ambulance. Jon speaks with Lando all the while, and right before the doors slam he turns to me and shouts,

"I've got him, Olivia!"

And all I can do is nod, blinking back tears as the doors shut. The second they're pulling away I find myself crying, full body shaking that wrecks me, and I manage to be pulled into the sanctuary of the Red Bull garage by Kylie and a few other employees before it can really be taken advantage of for media points.

But I know I'll keep on my promise. Especially when Christian tells me to just do one thing.

"Go."

taglist (thank you!)

@harrysdimple05 @charli123456789 @fangirl125reader @dark-night-sky-99 @starmanv @ophcelia @buendiabebeta

[narcosfandomdiscord]

narcos fandom smut alphabet - finished!

you know what goes really well with summer sunshine and narcos tv rewatches? SMUTTY FIC!

(they put that bisexual lighting on Isabella for a reason, after all!)

this was our first month of prompts over at @narcosfandomdiscord! for every letter of the alphabet, we had two smutty prompts that fanfic writers used for inspiration. 🥰 our group ambition was to create at least one fic per letter—26 new narcos smut fics during the month of July—and we totally smashed it, in large part thanks to prolific work from @salt-is-a-terrible-currency. happy reading!

if you prefer reading on ao3, check out our collection. all fics tagged as #nffalphabet on tumblr. and it's just that simple 🥰

if you have any questions, you can message us on tumblr or join our narcos fandom discord here!

🍰 Prompt List & Fic Masterlist 🍰

July 1 — A — angry sex, anal

Right For Once by @drabbles-mc — Steve Murphy x f!Reader, angry sex, 2.3k

Infuriating by @salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x Original Female Character, angry sex, 1.5k

Our Man In Mexico by @hausofmamadas — Horacio Carrillo x Andrea Nuñez, angry sex, 2.5k

July 2 — B — blood, bound & begging

Final Warning by @purplesong1028 — Amado x Pacho, bound & begging, 490

Please (with your finger) by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x Original Female Character, bound & begging, 1.2k

blood on vacation by @ashlingnarcos — David Barrón x f!Reader, blood, 1.8k

July 3 — C — cuffs, choking

If I go too far by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x Original Female Character, choking, 737

mentirosos by @narcolini — Kitty Paez x gn!Reader, cuffs, 1.1k

July 4 — D — domesticity, “don’t make a sound or they’ll hear us.”

Taking Care by drabbles-mc — Diego Ramirez (Narcos OC) x F!Reader, domesticity, 2.1k

Lipstick's smudged by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x Original Female Character, domesticity and “don’t make a sound or they’ll hear us", 447

A Few Moments by @purplesong1028 — Miguel Félix/Pacho Herrera, “don’t make a sound or they’ll hear us", 482

July 5 — E — edging, eldritch

The first time I felt a ghost by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x Original Female Character, eldritch, 716

July 6 — F — fight or fuck?, friends with benefits

No relationship talk by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x Original Female Character, friends with benefits, 422

Unbroken Rules by drabbles-mc — Horacio Carrillo x f!Reader, friends with benefits, 2.9k

July 7 — G — gag/gagging, gun play

Paper-thin walls by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x f!Reader, gag/gagging, 361

Whatever He Wants by purplesong1028 — Amado Carrillo Fuentes x Miguel Félix, gun play, 416

July 8 — H — honor bondage, hatesex

Dress blues by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x f!Reader x Gurney Halleck, honor bondage, 1.8k

THE DISTANCE BETWEEN US by hausofmamadas — Enedina Arellano x David Barrón, honor bondage, 2k

July 9 — I — infidelity, in public

Never meet your heroes by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x Original Female Character, in public, 955

Don't Mention It by drabbles-mc — Javier Peña x f!Reader, infidelity and in public, 2.7k

No Strong Suit by purplesong1028 — Miguel Félix x Pacho Herrera, infidelity, 439

July 10 — J — jealousy, "just shut up already"

Unprofessional by drabbles-mc — Walt Breslin x f!Reader, jealousy, 4.3k

A bad idea by @artemiseamoon — Javier Peña x Original Female Character, jealousy, 2.3k

The ring by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x Original Female Character, jealousy, 1.1k

July 11 — K — knotting, knocked up

Which time? by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x Original Female Character, knocked up, 418

Secrets in the night by artemiseamoon — Horacio Carrillo x Original Female Character, knocked up, 3.5k

Someday When It's Over by drabbles-mc — Horacio Carrillo x Original Female Character, knocked up, 2.8k

July 12 — L — luxury, lingerie

Eres guapa by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x Original Female Character, lingerie, 544

Desire by artemiseamoon — Enedina Arellano x Original Female Character, lingerie and luxury, 3.9k

Round-trip Ticket by drabbles-mc — Steve Murphy x Original Female Character, lingerie, 7.7k

July 13 — M — mirrors, "make me forget (all about him/her/it/them)"

Another brick in the wall by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x Original Female Character, make me forget, 812

Favors Owed by drabbles-mc — Maria Elvira x gn!Reader, make me forget, 2.7k

Like Old Times by artemiseamoon — Judy Moncada x Original Female Character, mirrors, 1.4k

July 14 — N — nipple play, "no one does it like you"

No One Like You by drabbles-mc — Javier Peña x f!Reader, no one does it like you, 2k

Sore by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x Original Female Character, nipple play, 580

July 15 — O — on all fours, one night stand

Cascade by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x f!Reader, one night stand, 580

July 16 — P — praise kink, pulling hair

Dress blues, pt 2 by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x f!Reader x Gurney Halleck, praise kink, 404

July 17 — Q — quiet (or trying to be), quickie

Sweet, sharp, addictive by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x Original Female Character, quiet (or trying to be) and quickie, 464

July 18 — R — role reversal, ruined

Bad Guy Treatment by drabbles-mc — Steve Murphy x f!Reader, role reversal, 3.8k

What is she to him by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x Original Female Character, ruined, 444

July 19 — S — submit, "say my name"

Stoke the flames by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x f!Reader, submit, 387

July 20 — T — trapped together, tied up

On company time by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x f!Reader, trapped together, 574

July 21 — U — upper hand, underwater

The Weight of It All by drabbles-mc — Walt Breslin x Sal Orozco, underwater, 2k

he keeps his rules. you keep him. by ashlingnarcos — Horacio Carrillo x gn!Reader, upper hand, 1.1k

Polkadots by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x Original Female Character, underwater, 359

July 22 — V — virginity (loss or roleplay), video

Off the Backburner by drabbles-mc — Steve Murphy x f!Reader, virginity, 4.1k

In this moment of pretend by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x Original Female Character, virginity roleplay, 435

July 23 — W — "we probably shouldn't do this", worship

Stay A Little Longer by drabbles-mc — Horacio Carrillo x f!Reader, "we probably shouldn't do this", 1.5k

Lunch break daydream by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x f!Reader, "we probably shouldn't do this", 497

July 24 — X — exhibitionism, exes having sex

It's complicated by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x Helena, exes having sex, 971

Not Yours Anymore by drabbles-mc — Steve Murphy x Original Female Character, exes having sex, 3.2k

no witness by ashlingnarcos — Walt Breslin x f!Reader, exes having sex, 2.4k

July 25 — Y — yearning, "you look good like this"

Superman (4) by @garbinge — Javier Peña x f!Reader, "you look good like this", 5k

Lost Time by drabbles-mc — Horacio Carrillo x f!Reader, yearning, 2.9k

If he closes his eyes by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x Original Female Character, yearning, 442

July 26 — Z — zipper, zeal

Things Like That by drabbles-mc — Danilo Garza x f!Reader, zipper, 2k

Zealot by salt-is-a-terrible-currency — Javier Peña x f!Reader and Nathan "Cable" Summers from Deadpool x f!Reader, zeal, 4k

(note: we hit the link limit on this post so from now on, links will be to fics + to authors on their first appearance.)

[reasonandfaithinharmony]

2023 writing gif-making round up

Rules (adapted for fic, gifs, art, etc.): Share what you made this year! It can be works you posted to Ao3, Wattpad, Tumblr, or anywhere else! You can share everything you made or just the projects you're most excited about. Thank you for the tag, @thisbuildinghasfeelings!

January

Um. Coming to terms with the idea of 2023? I dunno. But certainly nothing creative happened here.

February

Boyfriend → husband (Schitt's Creek) — A side-by-side comparison of how David refers to Patrick in season 4 and season 6. (Brought to you courtesy of a lovely text post by @jesuisici33.)

David questioning Stevie's motives (Schitt’s Creek) — A fun look at David's expressive face. 😄

March and April

An existential crisis. Or two. Or five. 🙃 Managed to finish absolutely nothing.

I did come in contact with a lot of 911 Lone Star content, however. Which explains everything that follows. Oops?

May

Marry me. (911 Lone Star) — Ah, my first gif set for this show. A parallel of TK referring to Carlos as his husband when he proposes, and then during their wedding ceremony.

Wedding → honeymoon (911 Lone Star) — Holding hands right after they first kiss as husbands. (Promo footage that didn't actually make the final episode cut). And holding hands poolside on their honeymoon.

Note: From here on out, everything in this list is for Lone Star, unless otherwise specified.

June

TK and Andrea helping Carlos get ready — A parallel set highlighting similar moments from Best of Men and a deleted scene from In Sickness and in Health

We almost forgot. Your boutonnière. — In which I attempt to put a couple pieces of unaired footage back together: the deleted scene with Andrea and Carlos + promo footage of what must be the same scene

Heart tutorial — Danielle Savre and Stefania Spampinato teach Rafael Silva how to make a heart sign with his hands at the First Responders Reunion 🫶

July

🤨 (affectionate) — Listen. I love this dynamic. Had to do the parallel set.

Nothing ever stays the same, Carlos. — A look at TK and Carlos' conversation in 2x04 in parallel with Carlos' wedding vows. The first set I wanted to do for Lone Star. Took me a while to get to it because I wasn't sure how to put it together.

August

TK needs you all to RSVP — My first attempt at this type of post. Incorrect quotes? Text post memes? I don't know what to call them, really. But it was definitely fun. And then it became the thing I did most often. Lol.

And if it never changes? // What if everything changes again? — A parallel set for me and ~5 other people, putting Tarlos in 2x04 side by side with Marcel the Shell with Shoes On

September

You're a menace to society *smooch smooch smooch* — My next incorrect quotes/meme post. And my contribution to ascribing cat-like behavior to TK.

I like him a normal amount — A fandom reaction gif, essentially. Courtesy of Joey Tribbiani on Friends.

Love is stored in humans finding out we can make heart shapes with our hands — Had to revisit the heart tutorial for Rafa. This time as one of the incorrect quotes/text posts.

When you can be silly and slutty with them — Oh, I had fun with this look at TK and Carlos' relationship. 😍

Pretty sure this happened at least once — In which we learn TK was seen trying to catch a frog outside the firehouse. Obviously.

October

Carlos is lit like an angel — Commentary on that beautiful moment from 2x02 where TK falls into Carlos' arms.

I put my emotions into my cooking. // This tastes… horny? — A playful and sexy look at Carlos in the kitchen with TK, and then heading upstairs… 😏

I adore you. Why are you like this? I’m going to kiss you with such fervor… — Oh, just exploring the Tarlos relationship dynamic with a text post and a scene from 3x18.

November

Unedited Gif Game (26 entries so far) — This has been very fun. I think it was good for me to have a bunch of low-stakes gif projects where I was not in charge. Lol. I will spare you individual links to each of them. But they should all be in the tag linked here. I will probably make this an ongoing thing, as long as it's not annoying everyone.

December

Episode vs. Promo: Yee-Haw (1x02) — Let's start diving into some more unaired footage, shall we? And let's start with some alt takes on that first make-out scene.

Missing moments: then and now — From an almost-kiss in 1x02 to an alt kiss from their wedding.

You're a miracle, TK Strand. My miracle. — A rather large close-up gif of that alt wedding kiss. Why? So we can see the teardrop that beads up under Carlos' eye.

Tags below the cut…

Tagging: @rmd-writes, @reyesstrand, @strandnreyes, @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut, @carlos-in-glasses, @lemonlyman-dotcom, @birdclowns, @welcometololaland, @lizzie-bennetdarcy, @rosedavid, @heartstringsduet, @noxsoulmate, @chicgeekgirl89, @paperstorm, @tailoredshirt, @guardian-angle22, @swearphil, @carlos-tk, @three-drink-amy, @orchidscript, @danieljradcliffe, @lightningboltreader + open tag!

[fandoms-in-law]

Militant vs Inquisitor

Summary: Annabelle asks how St Trinians got its security and gets Kelly to give a history of a former head girl to a lot of the St Trinians girls.

Authors note: I'm using July to get my pot of fic ideas emptied out a bit and think I'll include each idea when posting.

My idea for today: Get a random word from the dictionary: that is now your characters surname, write about how they embody or rebel against it.

/\/\

After the school challenge and finishing their heist by returning the painting, Annabelle didn’t wonder at the many codes she’d been briefed on at the start of it. She knew the school well enough by then to understand just how careful they sometimes needed to be over people entering the school, as well as the different skills everyone had for defending it.

What she didn’t understand was how it all got set up. Sometimes one of the geeks would have a new idea or gadget and add it into the security plans but most of the basics seemed to have been in place for years.

One evening a call went round the school as most of them were relaxing in their dorms, nothing needing attention really but enough to make her ask “So how did that become St Trinians security anyway?”

Andrea stared at her, sitting up from where she’d been relaxing in her coffin. “It’s always been like this.” She drawled.

“Yeah, we get inducted and trained, first two weeks, same every year, picking how we contribute to it and when.” Taylor called over, as if goading Annabelle to ask why she hadn’t been added to it yet.

Kelly shook her head at both of them, waving Polly over from the geeks. “Judith Militant, head girl a decade ago, set it up. You’ve got the records on her, right Pol?”

“Of course. No way did any teacher set it up.” She agreed, grabbing her laptop to type something in, presumable to find the records requested.

“Really?” Annabelle couldn’t help sounding sceptical.

Taylor laughed, “I bet it was! I bet Cleaver set it up, then went off to get married and do her army time before coming back to teach.”

“Would any of us do that?” Kelly challenged immediately, raising an eyebrow and looking over everyone ready to tear down any protests that they would. Annabelle suspected she could argue it, but didn’t say anything to break through the chorus of disagreements.

“How often are we bailing Miss Fritton out? We’d never get paid!” Taylor said obnoxiously laughing.

“In the black market we bail her out every other quarter and with the bank we’ve bailed the school out twice in the last five years.” Polly stated, turning the laptop around to show the spreadsheet comparing student earnings, school earnings and money transfers within the two for a moment before flicking onto another spreadsheet that was clearly filled with details and a life history of Judith Militant.

Kelly nodded at her, “Precisely, thank you Polly. Does anyone want to hear about Militant or not?”

“Doesn’t her name say it all?” Chelsea asked, having joined them while everyone was rejecting returning to the school later on. “She was militant and set up school security to be the same.”

“You’d think so wouldn’t you?” Kelly stated, looking over the girls around her, all curling up onto beds curiously as more first years and cliques realised a story time was happening. “Let me explain what we know.”

/\/\

St Trinians as a school has always had enemies, had local police trying to impose laws on us and sometimes they got close. None of us thought Thwaites was going to get anywhere with his attempt because we’ve got the plans, we’ve got decent security, and the chance to put assault charges on him for his invasion of the posh totties dressing room but Minister Inquisitor was a threat.

/\/\

“Did someone put Miss Fritton insulting people in charge of names?” Taylor scoffed, interrupting Kelly.

A few snickers followed her words but at the head girl’s glance silence fell again.

/\/\

For three years Inquisitor was the minister of education and during that time St Trinians had to fend off five under cover teachers, and constant surprise inspections.

Militant was a student through this time, only becoming head girl in his final year in the position and she took the responsibility with the resolution to get rid of him. She had a school trip to government planned within a week of term starting and let chaos reign.

Minister Inquisitor met them, assuming it was the students coming to give him support against everything he blamed the teachers for allowing, but instead found himself trying to explain why his ID was showing as the one that almost led the UK into war on our island.

The geeks of the time were the ones to both start and cancel that, having ensured no losses would impact their businesses at the time for doing so.

It got the eyes of the country on him as well as on the school and under cover inspections were joined with reporters. Militant had to do something to secure the school against them all because the chances of letting the press realise how our school runs skyrocketed.

So she got the first years in on it. Suggested they meet the teachers as they come in for interviews, just that, unless they wanted to do more. Would you all do more?

/\/\

At Kelly’s question, Annabelle shot up, “I’d interrogate but everyone of us would do something different. Just going off the cliques we’ve got, posh totties would seduce the guys, probably force the women into a makeover, claiming they weren’t ready for the interview looking like such a mess. The chavs would fight them, or at least threaten them with something. Emos wouldn’t need to but kidnapping is their first thought, teach arrived three days late for the interview in a rush to get home. So putting first years in charge is probably safest. They go with the easy pranks, glue and feathers, deep puddle, nothing that would reveal how dangerous our school can be, unless they’re in chemistry.”

“Exactly, Annabelle, exactly.” Kelly agreed, “You put the wrong girls in charge of facing the people who might teach us and you’ve got reporters already smearing our school. But is that a military approach?”

“No.” Tania and Tara moaned. “We’d get to march them through airport security checks, strip searches, if we wanted full prison security, or for military bases they’d need ID ahead of time and background checks done to pass clearance. We’re not doing all of that.”

“So how did the rest come into it?” Chelsea asked.

Kelly smiled, returning to the story.

/\/\

For three or four months that was enough. The first years would greet and prank the possible teachers coming in and Miss Fritton would do the further tour, assuming the teacher knew nothing of the other subjects from the one they applied for.

Then an article came out, examining multiple classes of the schools and how much engagement they had.

It was good for the school, decent press and very clearly published by a former St Trinian but Militant hadn’t expected it. The details covered the school as it was and very nearly mentioned half a dozen illegal things they’d been doing at the time so security had to change again; Militant wanted eyes around the school and if it wasn’t possible then trip wires for any rooms they couldn’t see into.

The geeks jumped at the chance then, as they do now, to get all the surveillance set up. It had to do and though bedrooms were respected, girls did inspect them still, or got Matron on side to do them.

Inquisitor was still an issue though, and he’d made comments about coming into the school to disprove the article that had made it to press. The hockey team set up the codes then, insisted on it in fact, spreading the pages around to explain what each colour and term meant and how each class should be responding to avoid the press coming in openly to explore the school.

/\/\

“None of this is Militant setting things up. She’s just letting the girls she had in the school set things up themselves.” Chelsea pointed out, half whining at her observation. “I thought you said Militant did all this.”

Kelly smirked at her. “I did, didn’t I? But this is what St Trinians is all about, we make our own rules and the Head Girl is just there to point out what issues there are to deal with. I didn’t plan that entire heist by myself, did I?”

Noises of realisation went around the group, before Annabelle asked, “So did Militant get Minister Inquisitor out of his role?”

/\/\

The first time Code Red Black Eagle was called through the school, Militant met them outside the front of it, introducing herself and offering to guide the Minister and press around. She was refused of course as Inquisitor believed he could manage well enough alone.

The press didn’t question the fact that no other school would allow that, or that Militant, upon being refused, held the door open and called to the receptionist that they could go through. Before anyone asks, this is a few years before Beverly took on the role.

With the press following Inquisitor around, Militant stayed in the entrance way only a brief time, to adjust the signs now the press had taken their initial photos, specifically swapping the science classrooms and the girls dormitories. It wouldn’t cause too much scandal, except for the fact every year group of St Trinians has their seducers and the press turned up at the hour when the ones of Militant’s day would be manning the phone lines, or getting changed if no calls came through.

Inquisitor never stood a chance to avoid charges of pedophilia and trying to make the press aid him in getting pictures of underaged girls getting changed. He’d approached the room claiming it was supposed to be the schools best subject according to grades only to reveal 4 girls very annoyed at having their room invaded.

I think Militant is still apologising for that also. Among all the head girls who do amazing things she’s still in charge of a beauty firm, all used by the fashion designers those girls went on to be.

/\/\

“If it wasn’t for Miss Fritton I really would have done that to Thwaites.” Chelsea commented. “He even had his trousers down when we found him.”

“That was because of the fire ants.” Andrea commented, “If he got stung by them it could be evidence that he was innocent in all except hiding when he shouldn’t.”

Polly huffed, pulling up his spreadsheet, “If we didn’t respect Miss Fritton’s choice, we could probably get a lot more to stick against him in court than you think, but someone else is ruining his life for us currently so I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“Should send him the articles on what happened to Inquisitor anyway, let him know just how far we could go.” Taylor muttered.

Kelly nodded, “You get the letter written then, Taylor. You’re right, we should get more extreme in how we take down our enemies again.”

“We’ve got the ideas for it after all.” Annabelle agreed. “So the school really doesn’t have a normal security system at all, does it? Just us.”

“We’re all it needs.” The rest of the girls cheered along with Kelly’s agreement.

They’d be back to tormenting and arguing with each other in the morning, but for now, they were St Trinians and that was enough to unify them.

[julietasgf]

I have many ideas for the latam au, but I will answer that later or tomorrow because TODAY IS MARCH 15 JULI.

IT'S THE IDES OF MARCH. THE PERFECT TIME TO TELL YOU ABOUT RAFFLES - and to betray Caesar- 😈

I've been debating with myself whether I should try to summarize it or would it be more useful to send you a post that explained the plot but I have a terrible physical and psychological need to talk about Raffles when asked, so I'm sorry you'll have to endure verbal vomit about these books but before I lose my mind about the cricket boys, I'll lose my mind about your ocs ~

🥰 Vienna!!! My love!!! She sounds so interesting. I really wanted to know more about the journalist, so appreciated getting to know some of her background. Oh buddy, you can feel her frustration, as she tries to escape the dramatic world of racing only to end up stuffed to the bottom jsjsjs literal in a rabbit hole but she won't be able to complain about the lack of gossip

Oh and I read about Rodri. Im fine :)))) I haven't suffered any emotional damage that will leave sequels for life *I'm going to cry next to Ale for the rest of my days*

I only knew him for a couple of days but DAMN I didn't expect to lose him like that, Rodri didn't deserve to leave 😭😭😭😭 (not complaining tho, I actually love the angst and the idea of Ale spending the rest of his days affected by the love he lost AFTER THEY RECONCILIATED 👌 it's BRILLIANT AND TRAGIC)

And I appreciate that you told me what happened between them... I can only say that oh boi I need to hug Ale, at the end of the road he took the worst part although he had a good part of the blame in the argument doesn't take away that his lifetime trauma will not be taken away by anyone and oh poor Rodri, he also had his part of the blame but I can't imagine how much it must have hurt at the moment to realize that Ale wanted him in his shadow although yes it was very dramatic on his part to crash, f1 guys can't fight like normal boyfriends, they have to destroy their cars and put their lives at risk 😭

About the 2000s guys: IM GIGGLIN to the fact that THE STORIES ARE CONNECTING, EVEN IF IT'S SUCH A SMALL DETAIL AS ANDREA END UP ON ALE'S TEAM!!!!

🙏🙏🙏🙏 Andrea is an easy going it kid, vibe of be the sun, charming, friendly but full of pressure (and guilt) to be somebody because of his parents' sacrifice to support him in his career? THATS MY KIND OF GUY, he is my babygirl now. Im protecting him, I WILL FIGHT FOR HIM AND HIS HAPINESS

Also me: but Kimi kinda slay you know?

I LOVE THE MYSTERY, I LOVE THAT HE HAS A HORRIBLE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS PARENTS -I know that sounds bad JSJSJJS BUT I MEAN THE CONCEPT-, I LOVE THAT HE IS FULL OF SECRETS AND THAT HE IS SUCH A PERFECT CONTRAST FOR ANDREA.

Btw although I'm really worried about Kimi's fate because you mentioned "he doesn't mind risking his life" and because he has substance addiction issues *panics* 😊

ABOUT DUNE 💖💖💖💖💖

I HAVEN'T READ THE BOOK EITHER FOR THE SAME REASONS. I SIMPLY BELIEVE DUNE MUST BE READ ON PAPER 🥺, it's worthy of that honor and other than that I read too much pdf already because of college. I need a break when I read something for fun even though I spoiled some things hehehehe

I LOVED THE FIRST MOVIE TOO. A lot of people say it's boring but I thought it was amazing, I can rewatch it a million times and never get tired of it because it's a visual and sound delight 😔🙏

Every day I confirm more and more that one of these days I must read and watch GOT, (I only saw the house of dragon; rhaelicent my beloved) jsjsjsjsjs but I guess you mean the wonderful political plot, and if that's it I agree that it's one of the best done and most interesting aspects that Dune has

Part 2 did not disappoint, Chani my girlfriend, I will treat her right 🥺💜, I really liked that we finally got to meet her, and that while she is Paul's love interest, she is her own person with her own ideals that she is true to. While it broke my heart to see her leave so disappointed, I was so glad that she was able to go her own way ah

OH BOI PAUL. 😭 I have a huge love- hate on him. I guess you've also seen these "my twink boyfriend turns bad" memes where people compare him to Anakin and Coriolanus; and while I see the similarities I think out of the three, Paul is the only one I'm a more willing to defend than the other two. The boy was born without much autonomy over his destiny - and body - and genuinely fought against the idea of being the messiah for the fremen because he was well aware that this was a bene g. project, and that he had no right to intentionally feed the lie any further. And his visions, they were terrifying and you could see the fear Paul felt for them: he really didn't want to unleash a war and was so willing to listen to Chani and fight by her side BUT WELL :)))) WE SAW WHAT HAPPENED AND YES I THINK THAT WAS THE WORST PART.

THE NERVE HE HAD TO SAY HE WAS MARRYING THE PRINCESS IN FRONT OF CHANI (and I think he had told her he loved her before, right?, UGHHHH WHAT MAKE IT WORSE)

The good news is that I have heard that most likely we will have a third part that will tie together all the loose threads that were left. I hope Chani ends well and that maybe she kicks Paul's ass <3

Now it's time.

The time has come *thunder my fingers* let's talk about Cricket AND CRIME!!!!

You should know that before my TBOSAS - Sejanus fever, my blog and my fics and my everything, was dedicated to Sherlock Holmes (the books please, I'M TALKING ABOUT THE BOOKS BECAUSE MY DETECTIVE HAS BEEN TREATED VERY BADLY BY THE ADAPTATIONS), and it was thanks to Sherlock Holmes that I discovered my cricket boys:

AJ Raffles and Bunny Manders!!!!

Pd: Here I leave another post saying why you should read these books

The connection between them and Holmes is that Arthur Conan Doyle's brother-in-law, Ernest Hornung, was inspired by Holmes and Watson when he make Raffles and Bunny and these stories also share a very close temporality (end of 19 century) to the one existing in Holmes stories

But let's begin:

The plot follows the association of Bunny Manders (Bunny is not his name, it's a nickname) with the infamous Arthur J. Raffles, the amateur cracksman.

Bunny and Raffles attended school together, but their paths diverged when Raffles (who is older than Bunny) graduates, until the two meet again years later and end up becoming partners in crime (and maybe they are partners not just in a particular type of crime, laws against homosexuality were a thing at the time...👀)

AJ Raffles is a famous cricketer. He is charming, handsome, and brilliant. He has a reputation for being rich and moving among exclusive high society circles but it's all a facade, because in reality he's broke, doesn't earn a penny playing cricket and can flaunt his luxurious lifestyle because he's a jewel thief. He steals from wealthy people in the exclusive circles he moves in.

And the story narrated by Bunny who has an anxious, nervous, fragile and intense personality. Who is an aspiring journalist and occasional poet, tells us about what he calls his "fall from virtue." (Although as someone who has already read the books, I can tell you that it is Bunny's recounting of the most important person in his life: Raffles)

Bunny is an unreliable narrator <3 I should clarify tha. It's fascinating to see how fickle his memory of Raffles (who we know only through his eyes). There are 3 books made up of short stories:

1. The Amateur Cracksman

2. The Black Mask

3. A Thief in the Night

All by E. W Hornung

You can read them on a page called Raffles redux, on Project Gunterbeng or there is a project called Letters from Bunny where they will send the stories to your email

WARNING: THEY WERE WRITTEM IN THE 1890s BY A BRITISH AUTHOR, I think that pretty much sums up the flaws and criticisms of the text although it is an interesting study of the dynamics of the social classes in London at the turn of the century and a glimpse into the criminal world of the time.

Ah yes, the reunion of Bunny and Raffles. The first story in the saga takes place on March 15 and is called:

The Ides of March

🤭

HELLOOO AND HAPPY IDES OF MARCH!!!! (1 day later tho, but still 😭)

(and also, can't wait to hear your ideas for the latam au, bc I'm this 🤏 close to asking you if I can write something abt it bc it's driving me CRAZY)

KSLSKLKS noooo don't say you're sorry, first bc I love hearing when ppl are passionate abt something, second bc I LOVE anything related to sports, and knowing now it's also related to crime and sherlock holmes made me even more interested!!! (but before let me answer abt my silly little guys)

poor vienna, all she wanted was to get out from the formula 1 world somehow because she knows abt how the drama is insufferable, and now she's deeper than ever, you can almost hear her screaming into the void and trying to explode her mom with her mind 😭 BUT at least she starts getting interested because it's really bizarre how the cycle never ends and just keeps going on and on

I'M SORRY ABT RODRI 😭😭😭 but welcome to the "mourning over rodrigo" club, founded by alejandro himself!! rodrigo deserved much better, even though his death was mostly a terrible accident. he was such a young driver with such a bright future ahead... and plus, he just reconciliated with alejandro, he missed him so much. things were fine. they were, really. also, it's worth saying that after this, alejandro spent the rest of his career as a team principal trying to reinforce the security for drivers and proposing changes to make it safer. each time a crash happened on the racetrack, that man was on the verge of fainting. and the worse is that... he could only think abt how things could've been different. maybe if alejandro was more mature, or if he listened to rodrigo, or if he tried to talk to him much before that crash... would it still happen? it's all so tragic (and that's why I made it that way ☝️

ale definitely got the worst, that man got a trauma for LIFE. racing was his passion, before rodrigo died he didn't intend to stop any soon, but after his death, he couldn't get inside a car without panicking. and things just weren't the same anymore, you know? he tried to go out in dates with other people, but he couldn't move on, he felt too guilty, he felt too bad about it ("trends change, rumors fly through new skies, but I'm right where you left me"). rodrigo was so hurt atp, because he believed alejandro wanted him alongside him, not below him; alejandro was treating him more like a decoration than anything and it HURT. but yeah, these two guys should've gone to therapy instead of risking their lives, racing boyfriends really are the worst 😭

(it's so funny what you said abt f1 guys not fighting like normal boyfriends and instead crashing their cars bc this actually happened a couple of times in real lifeKSLSKLSKLKLKS)

YESSSS THE STORIES ARE CONNECTED!!! :D that's also how vienna have it easy to be able to talk to these guys, because everyone kind of knows everyone somehow

ANDREA IS SO SWEET 😭😭😭 he's a sunshine, rlly. like, I always say that rodrigo is the devil, but tbf him and alejandro are kind of made for each other (nobody else would be able to stand them). but andrea is such a sweet guy who was unlucky to be teammates with kimi, from all people. he got a heart of gold, just wants to help and to not disappoint his parents after everything (he doesn't know they are already so proud of him, like, their son is a FORMULA 1 DRIVER, this is already so awesome!!!)

I love kimi so muchKSLSKLSK his whole character is just so fun, even though he's a prick. and yesssss in almost every single aspect, he's a foul to andrea!!! but at the same time, they have a lot in common (ahem, being so insecure about themselves and failing people around them, feeling alone while being surrounded of people, and, ofc, their unconditional love for racing and how it's their life).

(since you asked, and also because I can't keep my mouth shut... I particularly find kimi's fate to be more cruel than rodrigo's. he didn't die on the racetrack. atp of the story, kimi and andrea had a better relationship, and andrea knew more abt his secrets and some of kimi's reasons. kimi had just won this year's championship. he was supposed to be celebrating with the team, after all, they all worked so hard for it. but andrea notices kimi isn't around. he's worried, he knows kimi, he knows abt kimi's deal with his parents. he decided to go to kimi's hotel room. he found kimi so high, so drunk. andrea helped kimi clean up and they had an emotional talk, even though kimi was not sober. andrea promised he would help kimi, that kimi wouldn't need to go back to his parents again. he put kimi to sleep and left the hotel. the next day, andrea woke up with countless calls on his cellphone. kimi eriksen had died from an overdose on his hotel room during the night.)

BUT OKAY, LET'S TALK ABT DUNE, MY BELOVED:

YESSSSS dune is that book to be full of post-its and highlights, I CAN'T read that book on digital 😭 KLSKLSKLS ans yeaaaah absolutely, when you read too much pdf for college, it's just authomatic your brain will associate it with studying, while reading physical books become more associated with fun (plus, this is more personal now, but I love scribbling on my books, can't do that on digital)

yesssss I get why people say it's boring (it's rlly slow), but the worldbuilding is just so nice + it's gorgeous visually + LETO ATREIDES IS IN IT OKAY IT'S ENOUGH FOR ME. idc if it's boring, I would watch it 100 times for that man.

(pls read got, it's so worth it, even though I think we as a fandom collectively accepted we'll never get the ending 🙏)

((and also NO WAY YOU LIKE RHAELICENT TOO, THESE ARE MY GIRLS 😭 you know that when I prefer the adaptation rather than the original work it's bc they did something right, and when it's related to alicent and rhaenyra, I like the tv show sooooo much better actually, they gave so much more depht to their relationship which is basically non-existent in the book))

save me chani.... chani save me.... and yes!!!! I remember that everyone was so excited during the first dune bc of zendaya, but when it actually premiered, there was like 10 minutes of her in the whole movieKLSKSLSKL but I'm so glad we got to know her bc she's such an interesting character!!! and it's just like you said, she's actually her own character, and it's just really refreshing seeing this and seeing how they decided to wrap up her arc (specially in a science fiction franchise)

PAUL WAS SOMETHING ELSE. from the three, he's actually the one I genuinely like as a person; imo, I feel like he tried to resist until the very end, that was not what he wanted. he only gave in when he felt like there was no other choice, specially after the whole thing with the harkonnens..... that's what hurts the most regarding paul, I actually LIKED him. anakin and coriolanus, we knew who these guys were, we knew their end, we knew what was going to happen. but paul? we could have this hope that things would be different, that he could choose or change things. but... yeah, things end the way they do and I felt betrayed over a characterkslsklsk 😭

NAHHHHHHH HE WAS SO WRONG FOR THAT, SRSLY, I was so happy chani left at the end of the movie because she deserves so much better 😭 (I know things in the book are different, but in this case I'm willing to block my ears and go LALALALALA to pretend that only the movie exists)

and yessssss!!! from what I've searched, the first book ends exactly where the movie ended, but the little change of chani leaving can actually make such a big change on the story, and I'm really interested to know where this will lead (and plus, there's the whole thing with paul's little sister, which is also another loose end I'm excited to know more abt).

but now: CRICKET!!!!

buddie, I've seen some of your reblogs abt raffles and bunny, and I was like "oh, this reminds me of sherlock holmes a bit, the aesthetic and all" (even tho I've never read sherlock holmes, I could recognize the close temporality) and I kept wondering if the stories were connected, like some thrillers' I've read, that are on the same universe but with different characters, sometimes with the same detective, so I thought this was the case.

I'm kinda shocked to discover that its setting is about cricketLSKSLSKSLKS I WOULD'VE NEVER EXPECT THIS, AND I LOVE IT

(also, I've read the post, it won me at "it will KILL YOU" and "the incredible adventures of two broke idiots", specially because I myself am a broke idiot, so I related)

I like the concept of this so much???? first because, again, SPORTS, second because it's also mixed with crimes and aaaaaa it sounds so cool 😭 raffles sounds like a demon, I already love him (every generation have their own saltburn /jk). bunny sounds relatable (cries in crippling anxiety language) and the fact that not only he's an unreliable narrator, but we also only know raffles from his pov is really interesting, idk, there's something fascinating abt never rlly knowing a character bc you only know them from a sole point of view...

tysm for telling me abt it and also for telling me where to read it, I'm already writing down to read it ✍️ (I just can promise to read it soon bc I have a pile of books which are here for MONTHS and just today I came back to reading again 😭 BUT I'll definitely read it, the mix of crimes and sports got me hooked + the gay undertones too ofc, but tbf there's nothing gayer than sports)

(also the fact that their reunion is on the IDES OF MARCH, why do I get a feeling that this is not going to end very well for one of them? 🤠)

[conradscrime]

The Watcher

March 28, 2021 

In June 2014 Derek Broaddus and his wife Maria closed in on their dream home located at 657 Boulevard in Westfield, New Jersey. The house was beautiful and included 6 bedrooms, which was perfect because the Broaddus family had three children. It was spacious and the perfect family home. Maria had been raised in Westfield and this new home was only a few blocks away from her childhood home. Derek had grown up in Maine and worked for an insurance company and had worked his way to becoming senior vice-president. 

The Broaddus’ wanted some renovations done and a few days after closing in on the house Derek went to do some painting of his own. While he was there he happened to check the mail and found an envelope with the words to “The New Owner” scrawled in chunky letters. 

The letter read, 

“Dearest new neighbour at 657 Boulevard, allow me to welcome you to the neighbourhood. 657 Boulevard has been the subject of my family for decades now and as it approaches its 110th birthday, I have been put in charge of watching and waiting for its second coming. My grandfather watched the house in the 1920s and my father watched in the 1960s. It is now my time. Do you know the history of the house? Do you know what lies within the walls of 657 Boulevard? Why are you here? I will find out.“ 

Whoever had written the letter seemed to already know a decent amount of information about the Broaddus family including their children, knowing how many they had, though the writer had not yet identified their names. 

A letter from the writer about the children is as follows, 

“Do you need to fill the house with the young blood I requested? Better for me. Was your old house too small for the growing family? Or was it greed to bring me your children? Once I know their names I will call to them and draw them too [sic] me.“

The Broaddus family had no idea who could be sending the letters, the writer only signed them as being written by “The Watcher.” 

Derek was obviously freaked out at the amount of information this unknown person already knew about the family. Also the way the letters are written is very strange and very sinister, it doesn’t really seem like a joke. Derek called the police who were just as confused as him over the contents of the letters and asked if Derek had any known enemies. 

The Broaddus family could not think of anyone that would be sending these kinds of letters to them. They contacted the couple that had sold them the house, John and Andrea Woods and asked them if they had ever received any letters during the time they lived at 657 Boulevard. Andrea Woods claimed that a few days before they moved out of the house they had in fact received a sketchy letter in the mail from someone referring to themselves as The Watcher. However, that was the only letter John and Andrea had ever received from The Watcher and they had lived in the house for 23 years. They did think the letter was odd but didn’t think much of it and threw it out. 

The police felt that whoever this Watcher person was must be a neighbour living near the house. They advised the Broaddus family to not mention these letters to anyone while they investigated potential neighbourhood suspects. 

In the coming weeks the Broaddus family was starting to unpack things into the house and it seemed as though the Watcher was present for all of this. Maria had received another letter this time addressing both her and Derek as “Mr. and Mrs. Braddus.” Though the Watcher spelled their last name wrong they were obviously close enough in earshot to hear. The Watcher also named the three children in birth order and knew of their nicknames. 

The letters started getting even creepier. One letter in particular mentioned the sleeping arrangements and what bedrooms the children would have. 

“Will they sleep in the attic? Or will you all sleep on the second floor? Who has the bedrooms facing the street? I’ll know as soon as you move in. It will help me to know who is in which bedroom. Then I can plan better.“

A suspicious thing happened when one day Derek was showing the renovations they made to another couple living on the block. During the tour the wife said, “It’ll be nice to have some young blood in the neighbourhood.” Young blood is something that only the Watcher had said in their letters about the Broaddus children. 

Closer and closer to move in day and the Watcher was definitely around. 

“I pass by many times a day. 657 Boulevard is my job, my life, my obsession. And now you are too Braddus family. Welcome to the product of your greed! Greed is what brought the past three families to 657 Boulevard and now it has brought you to me.Have a happy moving in day. You know I will be watching.“

The Broaddus’ seemed too afraid to move into their new dream home due to the letters and they were scared for their children’s safety. One potential suspect, a man named Michael Langford who lived in a house nearby and did not work. He lived with his mother, Peggy Langford who was up in her 90′s. Several of Peggy’s adult children lived with her, most of them in their 60′s which seemed odd to Derek. 

The Langford’s had lived there since the 1960′s which the first letter from the Watcher confirmed that’s when their father had started watching 657 Boulevard. Richard Langford died 12 years earlier and it would make sense that Michael took over for him, considering the Watcher’s letter said they had been watching for ‘the better part of two decades.’ 

Michael was questioned but there was never enough evidence to charge him with anything. The police were pretty much tied with no evidence which led Derek and Maria to become quite frustrated. They didn’t feel safe in their new home, their dream home that they just wanted to enjoy. Derek and Maria tried to investigate themselves, finding out that the only family that had lived in the neighbourhood since the 1960′s was the Langfords. They even hired their own private investigator but no new information was found. 

There were a few other sketchy occurrences. For example, one of the housepainters noticed that the couple who lived behind the Broaddus family had two lawn chairs that seemed to be really close to the Broaddus house. One day the painter looked out the window and noticed the man sitting in one of the chairs, facing the Broaddus’ house. 

The Broaddus family did not feel comfortable moving into 657 Boulevard and they had already sold their house so they moved in with Maria’s parents for the time being. They still paid the mortgage and property taxes on 657 Boulevard, but refused to live there and put their children in harms way. 

Six months after buying 657 Boulevard, the Broaddus family put it up on the market. They originally priced it higher than they had paid for because they made a lot of renovations, but no one wanted to buy it because of gossip about the Watcher. 

Derek and Maria filed a legal complaint against the Woods’ on June 2, 2015 about a year after they first bought the house. They felt that the Woods’ should have let them know that they had received a letter from the Watcher before selling them the house. The Woods’ claim that they did not disclose the information about the letter because they didn’t find it threatening, they had never felt ‘watched’ in 23 years, in fact they rarely ever locked their doors while living there. 

The Watcher sent the Broaddus family 3 letters in total, all about details about the house and their life. It was reported that a neighbour living at 633 Boulevard had also received a letter from the Watcher around the same time the Broaddus family did, though not a whole lot of information has come out about that. 

In July 2019 the Broaddus family finally sold 657 Boulevard for $959,000, about $400,000 cheaper than they paid for it. Some people believe that the Broaddus family themselves were writing the letters to themselves as some scheme, to get a movie deal or maybe realized they couldn’t afford to have the house and wanted to get out of the deal, though to me it seems strange that they would do that because they lost their dream home and they lost a lot of money in the process of selling the house. 

No one has ever been charged for being The Watcher and this case remains unsolved. 

[ker-sunshine]

Thanks @vierschanzentournee Eve for tagging me, it's very appreciated <33

nickname: since my name is Kerstin but I'm surrounded by Swabians I get often called "Kärschdin" instead <3 😂

zodiac: virgo

height: i don't know the exact number but it's more or less 170cm

last movie I saw: Mamma Mia! aka my comfort movie(s)

last thing I googled: "Cerise Wood Ever After High Doll" (I can't believe that they cost more than 150€ now :/ I wanted one ffs)

favorite musician: hmm as always i can't really choose but I'll say Avicii or KEiiNO

song stuck in my head: Au Revoir by Mark Forster ft. Sido

other blogs: @ski-jumper-stan is my blog for all things sports, ski jumping, winter sports, football and eurovision <3

blogs following: I follow 890 ppl and have 157 followers (I suspect that a good chunk of the followers are porn blogs :/)

amount of sleep: sometimes 4 to 5 hours, sometimes 7 to 9 hours, it really varies

lucky number: 13 :D

what am I wearing: Hogwarts t-shirt with a big hole in it :'), jeans, socks with bees on them and my glasses

dream job: never had a dream job but I'm starting my job training in September so I'll pick the occupation I'm studying towards as my dream job (I don't know the English word for it and am too lazy to look it up)

dream trip: I'd really love to go all over Europe to a looot of countries by train to a) experience all the beautiful nature and b) meet some tumblr friends. I don't even care which countries I'd go to but seeing one of the Nordic countries in winter would be really cool since snow is really lacking here

favorite food: Spätzle with basically anything

play an instrument: I play the (concert/classical) guitar. I stopped having lessons this year and I miss it. I'm not that great at it but it was fun. But because I don't like to play in front of others or where people could here I just... don't.

languages: native is German but I feel like I'm pretty fluent in English xD

favorite songs: I've got to choose something, huh? I give myself three songs: "Auf uns" by Andreas Bourani for that 2014 nostalgia, "Little Talks" by Of Monsters And Men and "Ignite" by Alan Walker, K-391, Julie Bergan & Seungri because I can listen to these on repeat for ages :)

random fact: my favourite animal is the penguin and i have a silicone thingy for ice that makes the ice cubes look vaguely like penguins :D

describe yourself as aesthetic things: i'm skipping this one cuz I don't have a idea what to write

tagging noone but if you want to do this, feel tagged!!!

[timeaftertime-chriscornellfanfic]

Chapter 35 - What Have You Done My Little Spark?

Seattle Washington, July 12 1990

(Chris is 25, Andi is 20)

CHRIS: I wake up in the middle of the night, my eyes quickly flicking open, feeling my heart pounding. It's been a while since I've had a dream that woke me up like this and the crazy thing is, I can't even remember what the dream was about.

I sit myself up and glance over to see Andi sleeping so sweetly, the sheet pulled up to her ribs with her side exposed, her curls all around her with some strewn across her face. She looks completely at peace, her bare chest gently rising and falling with  the perfect view of her nipples that make me want to wake her up and make love to her again.

Instead I decide to get out of bed, grab my boxers from the floor, pull them on, and quietly make my way out of the bedroom.

"Fuck, it's so damn hot in this house," I say quietly to myself.

We're right in the middle of a heatwave and of course we don't have air conditioning - not that we would be able to afford it right now anyways. I mean we're not broke but the European leg of the tour really took a lot of money out of us so we have to resort back to that beat up old van for the next round of tour dates. I was beginning to like having a bus for a little while but hey, at least when I get bored on the road, I'm usually the one to drive us. I just feel bad for Andi cause now she has to share a van with 4 guys. Not that she would mind, she seems to love it out on the road and I absolutely love having her with me. She's the one who keeps me sane.

I head into the kitchen, grab my pack of cigarettes off the counter and light one up, then open up the fridge and grab a bottle of water, and decide to head downstairs into the little studio that I set up in the basement. It's not exactly high tech or anything, just our guitars and amps and I was able to pick up an old reel to reel tape machine from London Bridge Studios - where we recorded Louder Than Love. It was one of their old machines that they just didn't use anymore and so I just bought it real cheap.

I take a seat in one of the large reading chairs we have down here, place the cigarette between my lips and pick up one of my acoustic guitars. I grab one of the journals that I have off the desk and start to flip through the pages of ideas and lyrics that I've written down. Usually when I have a hard time sleeping, I'll try and see if I can get some words and ideas down.

As I quint my eyes from the rising smoke, I flip though the journal I suddenly realize it's Andi's which makes me smile at some of her ideas. She really can come up with some great stuff so I grab a pen and start writing in some of the margins.

"I'm your disappearing one, vanish when you play your song. But I will come again and you will let me in, and you'll see I never disappear for long... Huh... shit, baby that's good..." I say to myself as I rest the cigarette on the ashtray and write something just above it.

'Falling apart, You tell yourself you are, but I am here and you're not far...’

I smirk to myself and continue on turning pages when I reach a page towards the back that had been stuffed inside the cover. Intrigued, I pull out the folded paper and open it to see a letter from Andy, dated January 25 1990

"I don't have any Idea why I'm even writing this down but you were always the one to tell me that I should. You know me though, I like to just fly by the top of my head I guess. Fuck there's so much that I want to say to you, it's just how do I even say it? I know I shouldn't. I should keep it to myself. 'I wanna tell her that I love her but does it really matter?' Yea, I know... it sounds much better in Crown of Thorns don't you think?

All I know is that night in the park by The Moore... that was the most amazing kiss I've ever had in my life. I mean, I knew I was feeling something. You, the birthday girl in all your sadness. I just wanted to take that away for just a few moments like you always did for me.

I know, I know... it's not exactly the best timing for this is it? If only I was the one who could time slip, maybe things would be different. But you were meant for Cornell and I know in my deepest of hearts that he was meant for you. I mean just watching how he is with you... you woke up something inside him that I didn't think anyone would see. But of course he's loved you since he was what - 15? You are for Chris as what I wish Xana was for me. You know I love Xana, I always will, but I just think we aren't right for each other anymore.

Really what I'm trying to say here is that I love you Andrea, more than just a friend. I always have. But I know you are meant to be with Chris and that's ok. Like I said, you two are really meant for each other. I know you two are gonna get married and have lots and lots of beautiful blue eyed babies and I just want you to know that I'm here if you need me. 'Cause I know I sure need you."

As I finish reading the last line, a rush of different feelings all seemed to flood in me at once. Anger, pain, confusion among others. What the hell did he mean about 'that night in the park'?

"Hey baby," I hear Andi's sleepy voice behind me and I turn to see her in one of my button up shirts, her dark curls all around her as she rubs her eye from sleep.

"Hey," I say flatly as I pick up the cigarette burning in the ashtray and take a drag.

"Can't sleep?" She asks and I shrug as I take another drag.

"If you come back to bed, I can help with that," She says sweetly as she comes up behind me and wraps her arms around me, her hands moving over my chest as she places a few kisses on my shoulder. I take one last drag of my cigarette, then butt in out in the ashtray but still say nothing

"What's wrong? Why are you so quiet?" She asks.

"I thought maybe you would want to explain this," I say without much emotion again as I show her the letter I found. She glances at the paper and slowly takes it from my hand while I move out of the chair. She looks it over, pushing her curls behind her ear.

"Where'd you find this?" She asks, furrowing her brow as she still reads the letter.

"Stuffed in the back of your journal," I say coldly as I set the guitar back down on it's stand. I turn back to face her as I see her still reading the letter and wait for an explanation.

"I don't know what you want me to explain, it's just a letter that Andy wrote - "

"What does he mean about 'that night in the park'? What park? When?" I cut her off. She hesitates for a moment and looks back down at the letter.

"Chris... it wasn't anything, It was when I time slipped when we were in Germany. After that fight we had remember?"

"Yea I remember. But what the fuck happened? Did you fuck him?" I say angered and hurt, feeling my heart pounding in my chest again.

"No! No, fuck no - "

"Then what does he mean?" I cut her off again. She glances back at the letter and then looks up at me, her brow furrowing as she tries to find the words.

"I just - "

"You just what?" I cut her off again my voice now louder than before.

"-Ok! I'm trying to tell you alright?" She raises her voice back at me. We then look at each other in silence for a few moments and then she begins to explain.

"... there wasn't anyway that I could tell him what was going to happen. As much as I wanted to, I just couldn't. You and I just had that fight and I was so upset, and seeing him just made me miss him so much. Being able to talk to him and laugh like nothing had happened... it hurts. I was just so sad because he was right there in front of me and I couldn't bring you with me to see him alive again. Like nothing had ever happened and... I don't know it just happened. He kissed me. It was innocent... nothing else happened I swear,"

I could see the tears that she held at bay, explaining to me how she actually was able to go back and see Andy again. I wasn't exactly sure how to feel about it.

"He says he's in love with you in that letter... were you in love with him too?" I ask not sure if I want to hear the answer. She drops the letter on the chair and walks over to me, looking up into my eyes.

"No Chris. My heart is yours. I swear I could never love anyone else as much as I love you," She says and I reach out to cup her face in my palm. Sometimes I forget just how hard it is on her to travel back in time and see the people who have long gone in her life - our life - and to come back and know that they are no longer here.

I lean down and touch my forehead to hers as she moves her hands up over my abs and to my chest.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" I ask calmly.

"I didn't want to make you upset. I didn't want you angry with him... or me," She says.

"I'm not angry, I'm just... I don't know," I say.

I wanted to stay angry. I wanted to stay hurt but she always has a way of making me want her, even when I'm pissed off at her. I suddenly find my lips on hers, my hands on her hips pulling her closer to me, moving around and feeling her ass cheeks through the bottom of my black button up shirt she threw on.

"You should've told me," I repeat softly when I break away from her lips.

"I know," She says sweetly and presses her lips back to mine, her fingers finding their way through my curls, pulling me into her. My hands move up under her shirt, feeling the softness of her pale skin, skipping across her back as she sighs against my lips.

Holy fuck I want her so fucking bad.

"If you come back to bed... I promise... I'll make it up to you," She says in between her kisses. I moan against her lips as she moves her hand down to the front of my boxers, palming me through the thin fabric which almost instantly sprang me to life. She pulls away and bites her bottom lip, raising her eyebrow at me and turns to make her way towards the stairs and as I watch her walk away, admiring that cute ass of hers, she looks back at me stopping at the first step.

"You coming?"

"I will be," I raise my eyebrow back at her and run towards her. She squeals with laughter as I chase her up the stairs, catching her, and carrying her the rest of the way.

[skelffricat]

Good grief, Charlie Brown.

I’ve never owned an electric toothbrush. I’ve never had a dishwasher. I am the dishwasher. I like washing dishes. I never bought an iron. I don’t have a hairdryer. I find it strange that I get advertised these reusable alternatives for things that I never use anyway. Alternatives to cling film. I put another plate over the dish. Alternatives to cotton buds. I use my finger. (Ew, you may say, but surely a finger’s that size to fit in ears and nostrils? Or whatever orifice you please. Wash your hawnds.) Alternatives to cotton wool circles. What? I dont know why these thoughts have come into my head, when I want to write about my youngest child. Really, I’m meant to be working, but an annoying email from my dead daughter’s school sent me down a suicide rabbithole. Perhaps those other thoughts come about as my classic brain avoidance schemes. Like when you hoover instead of doing an essay. Positive procrastination, I used to call it. I wanted to visit some friends last night- a fun thing! but I was feeling all solitary and awkward. I cleaned the bathroom ceiling at first, instead! I had to really talk myself into going to see them. I was looking at my bed and it was saying, “Get into me! and read your book!”

Then I went, and I had a lovely time, of course. I still finished the book I was reading, when I got home at midnight, until three am, making myself ever so tired. I’ve stopped taking the tablets- beta blockers and mirtazapine (more by accident rather than design. They’re still up in the chemist waiting for me. I’m rather disorganised) and so sleep doesn’t come as readily. I have to take deep breaths for ages sometimes, to get over. And I awake in the night hearing things that aren’t there. I heard The Woodcarver calling me, one night, plain and loud as day. Another time, I heard my son knocking my door three times, sharply (or was it a burglar? I said that to someone and they laughed. Burglars don’t knock! Oh, hello there, wake up, I’m robbing you blind!) Bounced out of bed. Heart hammering. Called him. He was fast asleep. Was it her ghost? I don’t believe in ghosts, really. Kind of wish I did. She’d be a mischievous one, no doubt. Is it always 5:57am, when I awake? The same time. Time to find your dead child. 

I’m often in the house alone, now. They didn’t want to leave me alone, and there were so many people in the house, for ages. Then all of a sudden, it stopped. And I changed lovers... I changed to the one I’d been in love with for over a year, the one who seemed too young, the one who wasn’t interested. Suddenly he was interested. Well. It wasn’t sudden. It took a few weeks. Seven weeks? The seven week itch? It coincided with when the Scottish lover asked me to stop letting other people come to the house. He wanted me to himself. Which is kind of fair enough, though I knew it wouldn’t last anyway. (People coming to my house, I mean, not the relationship. I really enjoyed having a relationship with him. He is very sweet, funny, intelligent, and kind. The sex was great. He can cook wonderful food and play guitar well. I liked to sing with him. I am ashamed to say I was bothered by his being smaller than me, though. His face tended to itch me, too- he never quite grew a beard long enough to stop that. As he kept shaving it off, not because he couldn’t. That was the first time he kind of annoyed me, though.)

Lockdown doesn’t help, of course. We were all breaking rules in our grief. Covid is cancelled, my mother said. Masks off. Hugs all round. A friend told me you need extra oxytocin when you’re grieving. I was getting plenty of it. Good grief... 

Now I am frequently alone, and as my new lover is very busy studying (or perhaps less interested in me again now that he has my attention back? Though his reticence in getting with me stemmed from his concerns about the uneven nature of our interest in each other...) I haven’t seen him all week. I feel myself becoming depressed, and withdrawn, and paranoid, yet I still don't feel particularly sad about my daughter’s death. Which is strange. Isn’t it? Here is the email I received from her school this morning (it had her name and class at the top of the email): 

“Good morning

I hope this email finds you all well.

A number of years ago I signed the college up to the campaign against period poverty. I receive and distribute sanitary products to girls, primarily on free school meals, but any who are in need of the products and either can’t afford them or it is difficult to get them. The products are normally distributed by myself, during P.E and games, unfortunately this can’t happen at present.

These products are still available during the school closure. If you wish to avail of them, please contact our school info account (which is only read by one member of office staff) your request will be directed to me and I will contact you directly regarding collection.

These are difficult times for many at present and to quote my favourite supermarket, ‘every little helps’.

Kind regards...”

I was really with her until she quoted Tesco. And said they were her favourite!! Ugh! I mean, it really is a great idea. Though they really should check if the people they are writing about are still capable of bleeding. My heart bleeds....

I replied thus:

“Hello there.

Great idea, but as (my youngest daughter) has died, she won't be needing them any more. I hate Tesco- they ruin many little businesses.

Maybe take me off this mailing list?”

Then I attached one of her seven suicide notes: the one for school. Which I had previously not shown them. I only found it on Christmas Eve. Can I attach it, here? It has no names... 

There we are. Is it wrong of me to find her notes amusing? She is so angry, people say. I wonder how much of it is literal, and how much of it is using the school as a big nameless scapegoat. She was funny in the rest of them, too, and very loving. I found them comforting, like a fucked up Christmas present.

Then I started reading articles about suicide, and they were about how we shouldn’t call the people who do it selfish, about how depressed they are, how they need pity, not anger. I’m tired of the pity (though I’m not the suicidal one). I’m not producing enough sadness from myself when people pity me, either. Where is my sadness? Am I too acceptant of it all? We are all going to die. Is suicide like a C-section? Is it cheating death, like I thought my Caesareans cheated birth? Is suicide self euthanasia? Why do I not miss my daughter more? Is it because she had already left? Was she released, happy, free as a bird, swooping away on an Awfully Big Adventure? Trapezing her way into the æther? I googled to see if I could find any positive reactions to suicide. Is this my nature, to try and find the good in everything? To try and make light of the horrific? Is everything a joke to me? 

I found this blog post, from Andreas Moser.

I love it. Am I trying to take the blame away from myself? The NHS? The school? Should I be reeling and railing against the systems that let my daughter get into that state? Why am I instead trying to find ways to applaud her behaviour, accept it, even enjoy it?! When I read his words, “I admire their courage (because logical as it may be, it’s not easy) and the determination to make the ultimate decision in life oneself.” I felt a strange sensation of relief, that someone else could think those things. I had been thinking them, but trying not to, because it seemed like such an awful thing to think. But then I think, why does anyone else have to be to blame? It was her decision. 

The book I was rereading is called Life After Life, by Kate Atkinson. It’s my favourite book, I have decided, for now. Do favourites stay favourites? I was looking at my old Couchsurfing Profile today (because of Andreas’ blog- he, as a hippy hermit, is, of course, on Couchsurfing). One needs to update these every so often. Explain that you have watched another film in the last twenty years, that there is one less sofa in your living room, one less child on your earth. Even though no-one is allowed to move around, really. No visiting. No exploring. Perhaps she killed herself to escape the boredom. 

In Life After Life, the main character, Ursula, lives again and again. (I forgot that to live again and again, she had to die again and again. It's a very sad and graphic book, spanning two wars- read it. It is, ultimately, uplifting.) I wanted to read it again to make my daughter live again, and again. We need to write her alive. Show her drawings and paintings. Listen to her songs (they're hilarious). Read her poems. Admire her photographs. Tell the stories of her antics.

I know that really she was actually depressed and withdrawn. I know it isn’t a glorious escape. That her wee head was broken, and that sometimes it’s just easier to say, it was unfixable, she was determined, this is what she wanted, than to contemplate it as my (or anyone else’s) failure to help her. I know that she used to be confident and gregarious. She would have danced in front of people, inspiring others. She was always upside-down, tumbling, twirling, cartwheeling. She had a dry, cheeky wit, and rather an amusing obsession with poo and wee. She was kind, and wise. She liked to bake vegan treats. She could draw, and paint, and sing so beautifully. She played the ukelele, but by then she was hiding away. She had started to write poems- songs? She wouldn’t show us them. We had to beg her to perform on the trapeze for her Granny’s eightieth, in July. She did so, beautifully, but you could tell she hated the attention. Four months later, she hanged herself on it. 

Had we all withdrawn into ourselves, this 2020? Was there really nothing else to do? Yet I remember the start of Lockdown seeming idyllic. All that free time, all that sunshine. Was I just trying to convince myself, as usual? The only people we saw were the Woodcarver and the neighbours. She taught the wee boy next door to ride his unicycle. When she died, he brought in a picture he had drawn, of them on their unicycles, she as an angel above herself, a rainbow arcing over the three figures. His sadness affected me. I felt like I could only be sad through other people. Where is my sadness? Where is my grief? Good grief, bad grief, no grief? Alternatives to grief.

[dominic-cruz]

paging dr. pearce-cruz.

TAGGING: @dominic-cruz & @ajpearce

LOCATION: The Hospital.

TIME FRAME: Late July 16th into July 17th. 

NOTES: After Dominic gets mugged, he finds out that he and AJ are still married. 

TRIGGERS: Mentions of: stabbing, blood loss, surgery, etc. Nothing’s descriptive, but there are slight mentions. 

AJ PEARCE 

It was a boring day at the hospital for AJ. She was just lamenting about how she hated doing charts when her Emergency attending comes walking by. Since it was such a slow day in cardio, Emerg asked for her services and so suddenly a boring day turned into yet another hellish day on Earth. She was so glad to be done with Emerge, but now here she is. Trying to fix people up without throttling them. Things were relatively normal until a new call came in, a stab victim, multiple wounds, apparently lost a lot of blood. Well, if she had any plans of going over to Ben's she's going to have to delay them by god knows how long.

DOMINIC CRUZ 

It had been a long day at work and Dominic was ready to go home and sleep until noon, preferably, but he'd stayed at the restaurant longer than he needed to just to help clean up. It was just who he was; he hated leaving extra work for others when he could easily help out. When they were done, he bid them a good night and made his way to his car. Perhaps he would've seen the two men had he not been so tired, but one thing led to the next and suddenly he was on the ground, losing blood along with his wallet. When they were gone, even though he was bleeding, he unlocked his car and pressed the emergency button on his dashboard. Someone would get there eventually, right? Things like this didn't happen in Sander's, and as he sat there against his car, making sure to nurse his wound in a way he'd learned from AJ, he couldn't help but think of her. He was always gonna think of her.

AJ PEARCE 

As the ambulance rolled in, AJ stood out by the bay waiting with her interns and her fellow residents. This was about as exciting as it gets in this town. Rarely anybody gets stabbed, compared to the gruesome things she got to see back in Columbia, this was easy peasy. When the ambulance finally stopped and the paramedics (she noted one of the brunette that kept flirting with her was on duty, Andrea, she thinks that's her name) rolled the gurney out and she rushed forward. As Andrea started on the info spill, she finally took a good look at the person lying on the gurney. 

Well shit. This cannot be happening. Of all the people in this shit hole that gets stabbed, it had to be Dominic. Pushing away the immediate wave of panic and worry and annoyance, she helped pushed the gurney into the ER bay and quickly secured first aid and asked a nurse to book an OR. When the attending came around and asked her to scrub in, for the first time in history, she had to say no. Of fucking course, Dominic had to ruin her chance of scrubbing into a surgery. "I can't. I can't operate on him." When her attending frowned and gave her a slight annoyed look, she sighed and bit out. "He's my husband." Nodding in understanding, her attending named another resident and off they went. AJ looked down at her bloodied hands and just stared. How did this day get so fucked up?

DOMINIC CRUZ 

Dominic didn't remember much as he slowly woke up, groaning as he tried to sit up and immediately realizing he wasn't in his own bed and that he was, in fact, in a hospital bed. He closed his eyes, trying to think back on what happened the night before. He'd been at work, yes, and then he'd helped out after closing... right? Or had that been another day? Whatever had happened to him couldn't have happened at work, though. He was in pain, his abdomen was killing him, and even though he'd had some small accidents at work, he'd never ended up at the hospital. The last time he was at the hospital, he'd... Fuck. In a fresh rush of panic, he looked down at his leg, which seemed... perfectly fine. Or as fine as it would ever be. 

And then he saw a figure next to him. There was no way he wouldn't know who that was. Or perhaps he was just seeing things he wanted to see, especially since he knew she worked there. It was just the pain meds or whatever they'd injected him with that was playing mind tricks. It wasn't her. Hell, AJ probably didn't even know or care if he was in the hospital. It wasn't her. It couldn't be her. It was just a trick. She didn't care about him. 

"What happened?" Dominic asked, his voice foreign to his own ears as he spoke to the nurse who'd just walked in. "How'd I get here?"

AJ PEARCE 

After Dominic was sent into surgery, AJ left to go fill out paperworks for him. She didn't know if he had insurance, but given how he's legally still her husband, hers should cover him. If not, she'll just get him to pay her back when he's awake. She kept herself busy while Dominic is in the OR, she ran between gurneys and finished so much paper work that if she wasn't so stupidly worried, she would've been impressed with herself. When Dominic finally got out of surgery and was moved to a room, she stayed even though her shift was over and she was supposed to be meeting Ben like four hours ago. Fuck, remembering that she was supposed to meet Ben, she quickly fired off a few texts to him and Marissa, claiming that there's an emergency at the hospital and she won't be home. 

Watching Dominic sleep was weird. It's been so long since she's done it, but the more she looks at him, the more he looks like the same man she fell in love with all those years ago. Maybe he didn't really change all that much. Knowing he won't be waking up anytime soon, she brought some charts into the room and settled in the uncomfortable chair next to Dominic's bed. 

Unbeknownst to her, AJ had fallen asleep on the side of the bed sometime last night. When Dominic woke up, he woke up to the sight of AJ slumped over the edge of the bed, resting her head on her folded arms and an older nurse coming in to change his dressing. "Well, good morning to you, mister Cruz." The nurse said with a warm smile. "How are you feeling?"

DOMINIC CRUZ 

"Like shit." Dominic answered the nurse and though he tried to smile, all he managed was a grimace and a weak groan. He placed his right hand on his abdomen, still unsure as to what had happened and how he'd ended up in the hospital. Dominic looked over at the sleeping figure next to him. She looked uncomfortable, slumped over and... he shook his head, glancing over at the nurse. He wanted to ask if he was just imagining things, but he figured he'd sound like a dumbass if he did. "Last time I felt like this I'd been tackled by 300 pound men. Feels different, though. Feels worse. And I'm high as fuck or else I wouldn't be seeing who I think I'm seeing sleeping over there." 

The nurse smiled at him, it seemed genuine to Dominic, so he figured he wasn't seeing things and she was actually there. "Your wife hasn't left your side since you came in." 

"Ex wife." He corrected her, though the nurse shook her head, still smiling at him. Not only was he seeing things, he was hearing things now too. The drugs they'd given him here were apparently stronger than the ones they gave him in DC. "Excuse me? She's my what now?"

AJ PEARCE 

"Dr. Pearce is your wife, no? She's been sitting there since you got out of surgery." The nurse tilted her head in confusion. Out of all the residents, the one with the least amount gossip was AJ Pearce, nobody knew much about her other than that she was from New York. "If you two were divorced, she didn't mention it at all. If anything, she was very insistent on not assisting on your surgery due to the fact that you two were married." The older nurse said as she went about freshening up Dominic. "And I'm very sure you're not high since you're feeling the pain." She chuckled. 

The sound of the nurse's chuckle was what woke AJ up. Snapping up from her slumped position, she looked around in alert. Her eyes snapped right to Dominic to make sure he wasn't dying, and when she saw him staring at her, she narrowed her eyes at him. "What? How much pain are you in right now? 1 to 10, 10 being completely incapable of moving."

DOMINIC CRUZ 

"I mean, she..." Dominic stopped before he even started saying anything, the nurse's words becoming too much as he furrowed his brows. She signed the papers, right? This was just some ploy so she wouldn't assist on the surgery because... she... but it didn't make any sense. She didn't care, so there wouldn't be conflict of interest if she helped out during his surgery. He'd be just another patient. "We..." he started talking again, but his mind was playing tricks on him or something. "I... don't know if she ever signed the papers." Dominic slowly realized, since he'd told his lawyer he didn't want to know anything about the divorce anymore; he'd told his lawyer to take care of everything. He figured since his lawyer hadn't said anything, everything had gone smoothly. Maybe his lawyer hadn't said anything because the divorce had never become official. "We're still married?"

When AJ spoke, all he could do was look at her. He ignored her question, although his pain was probably an 8 at the moment, coughing a few times as the words got caught in his throat. "Are we still married?"

AJ PEARCE 

AJ had no idea what Dominic and the nurse was talking about before she woke up, but judging from Dominic's question and the swift departure of that nosy nurse, it had to do with her marital status. She's kept this secret for so long, well, she's forgotten about being married for a good few years. She was perfectly fine with Dominic thinking they were already divorced, it made life simpler. She was free to do whatever she wanted without worrying about Dominic's feelings -- not that she worries, because she clearly doesn't. 

Staring wordlessly at Dominic, AJ took a deep breath after a few minutes before looking away. "....Yes, we are. Legally anyways."

DOMINIC CRUZ 

This was too much. Not only was he in excruciating pain and still confused as to how he ended up in the hospital, but he was being told that he and AJ were still married. They were still husband and wife. "We're still... we're still married?" It wasn't a bad thing, not at all, it was just surprising. She'd been adamant about the fact that they were nothing to each other, so he figured it was because they were nothing. That wasn't the case, though. In the eyes of God and the law, they were still married. "Holy shit..." Dominic let out a deep breath, sitting back down against the pillow and closing his eyes as he tried to calm down. He was in pain, sure, but this was too much to handle right now. "We're still married." Dominic repeated, jaw clenching, angry that he didn't know until now but simultaneously relieved that they were. "Hold on. Can we talk about it when I'm not... here. Why am I here?" He paused, eyes closed though a smile pulled at his lips. "You were worried about me."

AJ PEARCE 

AJ cleared her throat and ignored the giant elephant in the room. "You were attacked last night, the police will here to get your statement later. Do you remember anything at all?" She stood up from her seated position next to the bed and walked over the end of the bed. "You were stabbed, idiot. I think anyone would worry about their ex-husband if they were stabbed." Frowning at his idiocy, of course he would be cracking jokes when the timing is wrong. He's one of the dumbest people she happens to know after all.

DOMINIC CRUZ 

Dominic furrowed his brows, trying to think of what had happened last night, but everything seemed like a blur. "Not really. Guess I was attacked after work or something. I don't remember anything after I got outta work." And it was true. Though he wanted to know how he'd ended up in the hospital - stabbed, apparently - he couldn't, for the life of him, remember a damn thing. "Husband." Dominic corrected her, similarly to how he'd corrected the nurse earlier. "You were worried about me." he repeated, the smile growing. Dominic turned to look at her, "thank you. Means a lot that you stayed. So... thank you."

AJ PEARCE 

AJ felt like a blush creeping onto her cheeks but she bit down hard on her teeth. So maybe she did worry about Dominic and stayed up all night making sure he was still breathing but that doesn't mean anything. It doesn't. "You should let your friends know that you're in the hospital. I should get back to work anyways." She said in a rush.

DOMINIC CRUZ

"Why don't you stay a little bit?" Dominic said quietly, a soft suggestion that showed where his head was at and how he hoped she would stay. They didn't need to talk, they didn't need to do anything, but having her there would help him feel better after everything. "If the cops are gonna come, you should stay." He was so transparent, anything but subtle. "If they question me a little too much, you could tell them to fuck off or somethin'. No one's gonna fuck with you. We both know that." He paused for a second, thinking back on the conversation they'd had a couple of days ago while he was drunk. That seemed like so long ago, given the circumstances. "Stay."

AJ PEARCE 

AJ really really shouldn't stay. She's got no reason to stay. He's awake now and there are other medical staff who can take care of him just as well. He doesn't need her there -- not really anyways. But to hear him say 'stay' tugged at her heart string. It would be poetic justice if she walked out right now considering how he didn't stay for her. But she couldn't bring herself to really leave him, not when he's looking all pale and broken on the bed. "...Fine." She said reluctantly, slowly walking over back to the chair where she spent the night on. "You'll be fine, you know that right? It's just a flesh wound, you might get a cool scar later to show off but that's about it. You're fine."

DOMINIC CRUZ 

Although he could tell she was fighting some internal battle over this, AJ reluctantly agreed to stay. Dominic immediately smiled at her as she walked back to the chair where she'd stayed the night, making himself comfortable even though the pain in his abdomen made the simple task increasingly difficult. "It's all about the battle scars, right?" Slowly, he reached for her hand, expecting for her to pull away but when she didn't, he smiled to himself. He'd take it. It was a small victory, and he was sure she was staying mostly out of pity and not because she actually cared all that much, but he'd take it.

AJ PEARCE 

She had forgotten how often she would feel the need to roll her eyes around Dominic. Maybe he really didn't change all that much. AJ closed her eyes and tried very hard not to smile, because god, this ridiculous man is still so cute. "Some chicks dig it, some just thinks it's a shoddy job on the doctor's side, so guess you can take your chances." She said, letting her lips curl up into a smile. Looking down at their joint hands, her first instinct was to hold tight instead of pulling away, if Marissa learned about this, she would kill her. "Rest, you'll be doing it for the next week or so, so you might as well learn how to do it now." She said softly while looking into Dominic's eyes. "I'll be here."

DOMINIC CRUZ

Dominic allowed himself to look at her and smile to himself as he noticed every time she tried not to smile. He'd memorized her features long ago, all the tell tale signs of happiness or sadness, but especially the signs of when she thought he was somewhat amusing but didn't want to let him know. This was one of those times. He didn't say anything though, but he refused to look anywhere else but at her. Nothing mattered to him except for this. Though he had other things to worry about, like the fact that he'd been attacked last night, everything took a backseat to the fact that he and AJ were still married. "Thank you" he repeated again, though he wasn't sure what he was thanking her for anymore - for staying? For not signing the divorce papers? Whatever it was, all he could say was thank you.

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 22: 1x07 What Are Little Girls Made Of?

Today was an inexplicably good day?? Weird. Even before the watching TOS part.

My mom immediately pointed out that Christine had her hair done. Well of course! It’s seeing the fiance day!

I can’t believe she hasn’t seen Roger in 5 years.

Perhaps why she feels comfortable drunk-confessing her love for an alien lol.

Another story of a person exploring an abandoned planet and playing around with the stuff he finds there. I gotta say truly and unironically this never gets old for me.

Also another story of Kirk meeting one of his heroes. The boy likes to read, and then imagine meeting the authors.

I always get so excited just to be watching Star Trek that I miss half the exposition at the beginning of each ep.

Mmmm, underground ruins built by past inhabitants.

HavE YOU evER BeEn enGAGEd mr SPOCK?

He’s married right now.

Love how both Jim and Christine are like “I must know, I must know the answer to this.”

Christine so sure that it’s Roger BUT IT’S NOT ROGER like???? This relationship isn’t gonna work.

The cute Christine and Uhura moment in the background (is it gay?? it isn’t on its face but that lip touching moment sure is!) and Spock in the Captain’s chair.

The long shot looks like a realistic ice planet and the close up looks like boxes covered in soft white blankets.

“Beam down..............hmmmm................two security men.”

Look at all those penises.

Oh Kirk, every time a crewman dies, that’s all he cares or thinks about.

Christine is displeased to meet Android Andrea.

Kirk’s face when Roger and Christine kiss is hilarious to me?? Like he kinda makes a kissing motion? So jealous.

Kirk’s tiny little phaser is so bizarre.

Oh no! They’re....androids!! Dun dun dun.

Spock recognizes that it’s not Kirk’s voice talking to him right away like who is the REAL engaged couple here hmmm??

Smart Kirk move #1: adding “or disobey orders from her” to Ruk’s programming.

The idea of this android just tending machinery for hundreds of years is so sad.

This is my kind of action sequence: very obviously choreographed.

“How can you love him if you don’t trust him?” A very perceptive android.

Love the shocked music at the reveal Andrea is an android as if this weren’t the MOST obvious thing from the start.

She has skin and a pulse? “How convenient.”

When Christine asks “Did you [love the machine]?” she definitely means “Did you have sex with the machine?” Otherwise she would have phrased it as “Do you?” as in a continuous action, versus, a past event.

Wish Spock were here to comment on the perfectly logical machines.

Love the green pre-android lol.

So do the androids have to be fashioned after real people and if so, who is Andrea?

Smart Kirk move #2: Programming obviously false sentiments into his brain at the right moment, so Spock will know there’s something wrong.

“I am now programmed to please you also” sounds so ominous. Ominous and a big ol’ admission she and Roger fucked.

Bringing in Android Kirk to prove his believability to Chapel is honestly, watching it now, such a betrayal. Like, sending in someone she trusts to talk to her, knowing she’ll be honest and open with him, and then telling her it’s just a trick or a test? I was never so bothered by it before but watching it now, wow, Roger is AWFUL.

Stop everything it’s SAM KIRK TIME. I love Sam. Find it weird that no one else calls him Sam if George is Kirk Sr.’s name b/c my experience with kids who share family names is everyone in the family/family’s orbit picks up the nickname/middle name/whatever.

Where did his other two sons go?

Did he ever make it to Earth Colony 2?

Sorry just picturing Sam and his family seeing Kirk off and getting EMO.

Roger describing the usefulness of androids reminds me of, mmm, Dollhouse. Altered Carbon. T100.

Either Korby just generally lost his mind or something was corrupted when he became an android.

Oh Kirk. What does he love in humans? Love, tenderness, sentiment. A ROMANTIC NERD.

Mom contends, and I agree that Ruk is very stylishly dressed. I suppose he must look like the Old Ones? I never thought about it, but based on how the androids are made, they must have been physically indistinguishable from the Old Ones.

Kirk is armed now, with a giant pink phallus.

Spock sees the Captain walk right past him, without saying hi, and he is IMMEDIATELY suspicious. Just walks right away from what he was doing like lol whatever.

Now Spock knows for sure... the real Captain wouldn’t be so cavalier with official papers and he definitely wouldn’t use racial slurs!!

Kirk the honeypot. What I say every time he uses his sexuality for a purpose (not the same as being a womanizer btw!!!).

Oh Andrea DEFINITELY had sex with Roger. “I’m not programmed for you!”

Spock would disagree that saving the Captain is illogical.

“They turned us off!” I know there are other stories that go into this type of narrative more (Blade Runner) but... I still want to know more about these particular androids and aliens.

“Survival must cancel out programming.”

These androids, not counting Ruk, are like honestly not very smart at all. Kirk is very much distinguishable from real Kirk. (Just brushing off a weird attempted kiss with “it is illogical.”) Andrea is very easily confused. Doesn’t know who she’s killing, doesn’t know what she’s about.

Spock got the message!

“Your flawless beings killing one another.”

Korby is honestly a lot more interesting than I remembered. I remembered the part about him being an android, and pretty quickly the part about him actually transferring his consciousness, but... he’s so different from the Korby Kirk read about and Christine knew. Would that have happened anyway, just from his experiences? Or was it becoming an android that did it? I think there’s some evidence for the latter, like how he tries to prove his humanity and can only think of actions a machine would take. Plus all the emphasis all the way through on them being “just machines.” And it must be said, we don’t know how different Ruk is from the Old Ones, intellectually or personality wise, but we know that Kirk is a poor substitute, so it doesn’t seem likely Roger was actually all that good at his experiments yet. Doesn’t seem plausible he transferred himself correctly.

“Everything you’ve done has proved it isn’t you.”

I wonder why Ruk was the only android left? Did the others break down? Are there rusted android carcasses hanging out somewhere? Or like... rotting android bodies?

And THEN the little last minute twist with Andrea--DID she have feelings? Was she becoming human in some way?

Look Christine, your other boyfriend Spock is here!

Spock’s expression at the end totally kills me. “Ugh, fine, I GUESS I understand you were in a really WEIRD situation what with being turned into an ANDROID and all.”

I feel bad for him that he had to hear Kirk say such awful things to him. But that was the point! It had to be something the real Kirk would NEVER say!

This was a really good Kirk ep, and I definitely saw nuances in the android story that I didn’t see before/didn’t remember. Like Mudd’s Women, it put a lot of its most interesting stuff really fast into a few scenes, mostly at the end, but still overall a really solid episode.

And I’m still ASCENDING over the “Have you ever been engaged, Mr. Spock?” I can’t help it, I am a simple being.

[afictionaladventure16]

The Pen Pal Project (Chris Evans x Latina!OC)

Masterlist

Previously on The Pen Pal Project... 

Warnings: Mentions of a dysfunctional family, foul language

Word Count: 1,656

Chapter 7

Letter #7

*Gif not mine 

November 11th, 2017

“Wait, so when do you go back to filming?” Scott had asked for about the fifth time today.

Chris rolled his eyes slightly, “in the middle of January,” Chris mumbled.

“And you’ll be gone for about four months, what are you going to do about the girl you’ve been writing to?”

Chris sighed, “her name is Julie,” He stated, “and you guys keep making it seem like if something is going to happen.”

“Because we haven’t seen you this happy in a while,” Scott stated.

“I haven’t even met her, Scott, I don’t want to get my hopes up. Hell, she doesn’t know who I really am. Once she finds out she’s going to stop writing… So, I’m gonna pretend to be this normal guy Chris and I’m gonna help her and she’ll most likely do the same with me. Communication in this thing is the key, it’s what the project is about.”

Scott just smiled at how easily his brother was defending himself, “alright, alright,” Scott said as he put his hands up. He turned to look at their nieces and nephews playing in the yard. “But what if she doesn’t react that way?”

Chris sighed, knowing very well his little brother wasn’t going to let this go, not only him but his older sisters as well, “then you can say I told you so.”

Scott stayed silent for a few seconds, “I spoke to Jenny not too long ago,” he said softly.

Chris closed his eyes as if to hold his composure, “And?” It was true, he still was in pain of letting Jenny go, but they just weren’t a match. They were both so totally different people and he always wondered why they even got together in the first place.

Scott sighed, knowing he shouldn’t have brought Jenny up, “never mind. Shouldn’t have brought her up, I just wanted to change the subject.”

“you’re horrible at that,” Chris said as he let out a small chuckle.

“So I’ve been told,” Scott smiled.

“It’s getting late,” Chris said as he got up, he ran over to his nieces and nephews promising he’d be back tomorrow for a movie night. Walking back over to Scott, who was stuck babysitting for the night, “good luck,” Chris said with a smirk as he walked out the back gate.

Chris made his way on over to the post office, he’d been checking it since the day after he sent a letter, knowing very well that the letter wasn’t going to arrive as fast, he had some hope that it will.

Opening the door for an older lady who was leaving the post office, Chris made his way in. He opened the small p.o. box to only reveal a key and his letter. Chris grabbed the key and looked at the number that had been attached to it, Chris looked around for the specific box the key had been for, finally finding it at the very end of the post office. He opened the box to reveal an orange envelope that read Fragile on it.

Chris was even more excited about this as he noticed Julie’s name on the orange envelope, but of course, it would be her. Chris made his way out of the post office.

Once he was home, Chris made sure he spent some time with Dodger before even reading the letter, giving the lovable dog some food and then some much-needed cuddles. Chris then decided to read the letter.

 Dear Chris,

Hmm, looking back at the letters, I recall that we both said it. As for your nickname…. I sure have to give this a thought, certainly, this is something I am going to have to put into the next letters perhaps, but only three chances? Come on, Chris, that isn’t fair. After all, I only know your first name. Of course, how can I forget that you are an actor? My bad.

You know, I’ve never thought of just sitting down with Mr. William and striking up a conversation, I’ll have to do that one of these days. You’ve opened my eyes, Chris.

As for the photos… attached I’ve included a photo I took for my photography class back in college, I am proud of it till this day.

Chris took out the photo from the envelope, it was a beautiful landscape photo in black and white.

It’s from the hills here in California, near the beach, I was driving to get my mind off things and came across this abandoned silo, the photo was just screaming to be taken. So, I pulled over and I may have trespassed, but I got this amazing photo in the process... I hope you like it. It’s my only hard copy.

Chris looked at the photo in awe, wondering if Julie knew how much talent she had, Chris admitted to himself that he could never make such a portrait. The way you just captured the image, blew Chris away, he didn’t know how but he felt so many emotions. Just knowing that you had given him your only hard copy of the photo, meant so much to Chris. He cherished that photo.

I sure do hope you are funnier in person; it’d be a real let down if you aren’t. I can see myself now, making jokes and you just looking utterly confused because you lied of your sense of humor. Tragic.

Living pretty well, you say? Is that a metaphor or something? Does “living pretty well” mean, “help me, I’m poor.” I swear English class has me traumatized. Constantly trying to find meaning in words that don’t have any meaning.

Yes, I am Latina. I do speak Spanish, pretty fluently actually. Willing to learn? The first word you will be learning is Hola. Ho-la. Probably should’ve started with the Spanish alphabet… this would be easier if taught in person… maybe one day? That way I can see you fail in person, oh the scenarios, they are hilarious! Boston must be nice, Chris. I’ve always wanted to visit. Washington D.C. too and New York. I just love to travel. I visited Europe a couple years back, made me realize that I just don’t like staying in one place.

So sorry, Chris. Didn’t mean to hurt your feelings there. But I was just trying to defend myself from being hurt. :D

That’s sweet! It’s always nice to see siblings that are close! Reminds me of how me and my older brother John used to argue all the time as children, one day my dad told us that we would end up being best friends. Oh, how we got so pissed at that! But he was right.

What was my favorite subject in high school? Is that really ALL you got, Chris!? COME ON! It was Art. BUT STILL! WEAAAKKKK!!

Now, here’s my awesome, very cool, waybetterthanyours, question: If you could choose one animal (Real or unreal) to be for the day, what would you choose and why?

 Later Vader.

 P.S. No one wants to see my wrath when I am upset.

P.P.S.

No, it’s fine, Chris. I’ve been dealing with my anxiety long enough to know how to calm down these small panic attacks. Yet, there is still sometimes I don’t know how to control it.

I’ve only spoken to this about my therapist, of course, and a couple of my best friends. Irene (who’s also my roommate), Andrea, and Destiny. They’ve been my friends for years, the only people I trust with personal things like this.

I can’t wrap my head around it either, Chris. I really can’t. I’ve tried over and over but I can’t understand it. I wouldn’t do such a thing to my own children. Ugh, they’re not even existent yet and I already know that I want to be the best mother I ever can be for them! When I said guilt for her mistakes I meant, alright when I was a baby there were these rumors that I wasn’t my fathers’ kid.

My father shut down the rumors by lying about getting a DNA test, he didn’t believe the rumors because he thought that my mother wouldn’t do such a thing to him. Fast forward to twenty-one years later, my dad, my brother John and I decided to do this Ancestry test and well when the results came back, my dad and I didn’t have any matches to each other, meaning that we weren’t related. I spoke to my father about it and he suggested a paternity test just to be sure. Those results came back negative. I haven’t spoken to my mother since, especially since when we confronted her, she denied everything. When we provided proof, she said that the DNA test was lying.

That should answer your question about my dad’s son from his first marriage. But my dad, he gave us the best childhood ever. He didn’t have one as a kid, so my dad made sure we got to do all the things he couldn’t do as a child. I loved my childhood. I remember there were times he would be tired from work, but he would still play “nurse” with me, he played a stubborn patient though.

As for me and my stepmother, we get along better now. I guess she just didn’t like sharing my dad. I don’t know. I don’t feel bothered by it anymore.

Ask all the questions you want, Chris and thank you. It means a lot to hear that, especially from someone who doesn’t know me that much, let alone someone I haven’t even met.

 Chris stared at the papers on his hand, he couldn’t believe what Julie just told him. How could a mother deny something like that when there is just proof right in front of her? Chris just wanted to hug Julie and let her know that everything was alright. Yet he couldn’t do that. Not yet, anyway.

So, this one is short and it sucked. Anyway, let me know what you guys think! Love getting all this feedback from you guys! 

Also, REQUESTS for imagines and one shots are open! I’ve been wanting to do a Sebastian Stan imagine just haven’t had any ideas so if you have any and would like me to write it, let me know! Don’t be shy! 

Taglist is open! 

Taglist: @kelbabyblue @cocomel0613 @thejemersoninferno

[scrapyardboyfriends]

Jenny’s Belated Live Blogging - 22nd July 2019

- thought I’d bring this back. I still haven’t gone back and watched those missing three weeks or so of episodes other than the robron stuff though so I have some gaps. 

- I don’t know what to make of this Coira/Nate nonsense. The thing is, I agree with Zak, Cain and Moira have been off for a long time but I still can’t discern the reason why. I made that big post a while back about how I didn’t think that they did a great job with the Coira break up and getting them back together because I still don’t even know what issues really broke them up or that they fixed any of those things when they got back together. I still feel like they just shoved them back together because they weren’t trying to hide the pregnancy anymore and now they could come together over Isaac. But then they never did much with them after that other than letting them get caught up in the Joe mess, which did no one involved any favors at all. 

- All that said, the fact that the show hasn’t known what to do with them for over a year now and the fact that they might split up might make the most sense at this stage, the way they’re going about it is just so strange and contrived. This may relate to my gaps in viewing, but was there an actual reason Cain went away, which is now the sole reason why Moira seems to be mad at him? Or did he just leave for no reason, just for the sake of creating random drama. I guess I just wish that the problems they are having were actually character driven rather just weird plot contrivances to force drama. 

- Also Nate is still super boring and the fact that they had to use Brenda to give him the wiki version of the Coira relationship was super weak. And as much as I do like Amy, anything to do with her wanting custody of Kyle is just...not well done. I’m with people on the idea that Nate has some vendetta against Cain and he’s trying to dismantle his life, his wife, his son etc but so far it’s just really not compelling in any way. 

- Also...how many times has Dawn decided to halt things on the Lucas front? I feel like we just go round and round and round in circles. I do like the idea of her and Amy being friends though. 

- I need to go back and watch the Priya stuff because I was super lost there, but I didn’t mind Andrea today so maybe she’s settling in better. In any case, I’m glad Priya has a sort of story. 

- The Bernice/Liam/Nicola/Jimmy stuff is obviously far and away the best stuff of the episode. That Jimmy and Liam scene was priceless, as was Nicola trying to prep Jimmy for his role. Maybe she should have enlisted Robert. He was great at playing Liam during the break up era with that sleeping pills thing. 

- I’m a little terrified of the rest of wild west murder mystery week, but I can’t wait for the Bernice and Liam stuff!

[surveys-r-us]

it’s 2019 and i still do these

Do you know people with these names? For each name, say if you know someone with that name and how you know them.

Aaron: I know multiple Aaron’s. Two of them are former coworkers. The other one is someone I know of but haven’t really talked to much.  Adam: A jerk face.  Aisha Alanna Alex: Off the top of my mind, I think of someone I matched with on bumble a few months ago.  Alexa Alexandria: A girl from elementary school Allegra Allie: Someone from high school who had a baby.  Allison: A girl from my sorority (that I quit)

Alondra

Amanda: One of my early college friends who transferred. I don’t even follow her on social media anymore.

Amber Amie Ana: Another girl from my old sorority lol.  Anaïs Andreas Andrew: I know a few.  Angela: A girl I used to play soccer with in middle school.  Angelica Anna: Someone from high school. Think she moved after graduating college.  Annie Ari Ashley: Not the biggest fan of because she gets involved in other people’s business (including mine) but we’ve had some fun memories.  Ashna Audrey Austin: cute guy from my hometown who I talked for like a week senior year of high school Becky Ben: A friend I’ve never actually met in person but we talk every few months.

Berkeley: Someone who studied abroad in Ireland with me. She might’ve spelled it differently.  Beth: One of my first friends in college. She’s one of the nicest people I’ve met. Bobby: Another person from college. He can kinda be a dick.  Bolor Brendan: My friend who plays guitar and sings. Super talented. We bonded over our music tastes being relatively similar.  Bridgid Britney: I think it was spelled Brittany but a girl in the grade below me in high school.  Brooke: My little cousin. Cal Callie Cam Cameron: I had a brief crush on him back in high school.  Camille: One of my old roommates’ close friends. I’ve only talked to her like twice.  Camryn Carmen: A distance cousin.  Caro Caroline: I know like 5 Caroline’s. My old roommate is one of them.  Casilda Cecile Cecily Chanel Chloe: The first person I thought of was a friend’s little sister.  Chris: Super liberal, obsessed with Game of Thrones and listens to Talking Heads Christina: One of my sister’s friends.  Christopher: Someone from high school. I’ve known him since kindergarten.  Claire: One of my best friends.  Claudia Claudine Cole: Was just wondering about him the other day since he deleted all his social media. Wonder what he’s up to. I know he’s a pilot.  Connie Connor: He plays football and writes for our student newspaper.  Courtney: She’s hilarious.  Cyrus Daisy Dakota Dana Danielle: Someone from my high school who also went to my college. She was older than me though. David: This cool guy from the Netherlands I met my last night in Ireland. He was apparently super into me according to my sister. He deleted me on snapchat though so now I don’t know how to communicate with him.  Delilah Diane: My aunt.  Diego Donald Doug: A family friend Duncan Dylan: My best friend’s ex. Pretty sure he got busted for selling drugs lol Eleanor Elijah Elise: My sister Eliza Elizabeth: One of my sister’s friends.  Ella Elle: Another girl from my sorority. She tags her boyfriend in things a lot on facebook. Ellie: Another person from high school. She’s like me and got the fuck out of this town.  Elliot Emerson Emily: Man I know a ton. One that comes to mind is my friend who we can go months without talking and pick things up like no time passed.  Emma: Someone from college who deleted her social media recently. I applaud her for it.  Eric Erika: Erica. Went to middle school with her. She’s had two kids.  Ethan: Dude I knew of in college but never really talked to. Faith: One of my old coworkers. I would see her out at parties and be surprised since she didn’t seem like someone who drank.  Fiona Francesca: Franz George: This short kid who’s sorta friends with one of my old roommates. I had class with him and didn’t even realize it until 3 weeks before the semester ended haha.  Ginny Giselle Grace: My beautiful cousin Graham Hadley Hailey: One of the few people from high school I’d still hang out with. 

Hannah: Wasn't a big fan of her.  Havana Helen Henry: Someone else from high school. He’s super smart.  Hugo Huma Ilana Indra Isabel: One of my favorite coworkers from this past year. Such a sweetheart. However, she can talk too much which was especially annoying at our mandatory meetings at 9 PM (college jobs suck) when I just wanted to go home and go to bed.  Isabella Itza Ivy Izzy: Think there was a girl with that name on my floor freshman year Jackie Jacob: Old neighbor. He got busted buying weed before it was legal here. Not sure what he’s doing now James: My uncle Jamie Jason: A family friend. Actually saw him the other day.  Jennifer: My former aunt.  Jenny: see above Jess: One of my closest friends.  Jhadha Joe: My old manager at work. I miss him. He’s so funny.  John: My music soulmate.  Jonathan: He plays football. He and his girlfriend are super cute together.  Joseph: An asshole.  Joyce J.P. Jude Julia Julie Justin: A distant relative.  Kaan Kai Karina Kat Kate: One of my cousins.  Katherine Kinaya Kira Kristie Lanie Laura: She’s from Hungary. She’s low key insane.  Lauren: Aye that’s me. Also one of my best friends.  Leah: My old supervisor. She’s hilarious. León Lexxi Liberty Lisette Louisa Luca Luis Lynette MacKenzie: Spelled differently but this girl who’s somehow a Trump supporter lol.  Maddie: A really complicated friendship but think we’re good now.  Maggie: Actually one of the funniest people you could meet. She uses tinder just to send stupid messages.  Makena Manlio Margaret Margo Maria: My old roommate.  Marianna Mariely Martha Martin Mayuri McKinley Megan: The person I think of is a friend from college.  Meredith Mia: One of my really close friends.  Michael: My ex boyfriend lol Michelle: One of my oldest friends. I’ve known her since 1st grade.  Mike: This dude who gets insanely drunk at the bars and does stupid things. I don’t know how he hasn’t been arrested.  Minah Miranda: This artsy girl from high school.  Molly: Another old neighbor. She lives in Chicago I think.  Morgan: One of my close high school friends. I don’t really see her often.  Nadia Nancy Natalie: A mutual friend with different people. She studied abroad in Ireland when i did.  Nathan Nathanael Neoma Nichole: She was my camp counselor.  Nico Nikki Noah Noelle: Pretty sure there’s a girl from my hometown with that name.  Octavio Olivia: My locker buddy throughout high school. Would see her every day.  Orion Owen: Went to college with him for a bit. He transferred and then dropped out. No idea what he’s been up to. He’s really into theatre.  Paige: My little cousin Pam Pat Patrick: My old high school crush. He unfollowed me on instagram a few months ago which sucks because we were actually decently close friends at one point.  Paul: A family friend.  Paula Pauline Peter: I definitely know a Peter but can’t think of one.  Phoebe Phong Price Quinn Rachel: Another person from high school I’d actually still hang out with.  Rai Railey Raquel Ray Rayne Rebecca: Known her since 2nd grade.  Rebkah Regina Reilly Remy Ren Rhianna Robert: My friend’s brother.  Rohini Roither Rose Ruby Ruilin Sabrina Sakura Salim Sally Sam: This super buff guy from high school. Literally could be a bodybuilder for all I care. Sapna Sarah: This really religious girl I went to high school with. I don’t think she ever left our hometown.  Savanah Sebastian Shani Shannon: One of my good friends from middle school. I haven’t seen her in years.  Siena Snigdha Sofia Sophie Soren Spencer: Think a guy from my high school has a younger brother with this name.  Summers Sydney: She just got married and had like a two week honeymoon at Disney. Taran Taylor: Talked to one for like two weeks. His current girlfriend hates me but we kinda mutually ended things so I don’t get why.  Tessa: One of the nicest people from the nicest family in my entire town. Thea Theo Theresa: I’ve met a couple in college.  Tim: My uncle Tom: I’m not really a fan of him. He likes to show up to things uninvited. Tori Ural Victoria: Someone from my floor freshman year. She’s vegan and is getting married in like a month. I can’t wait to see her wedding photos. Her dress will probably be really beautiful.  Viviane Walter Will: Some kid from elementary school Willa William Yujin Yuta Zac Zoe Which names do you prefer?

Alice or Allana? Alice Allie or Andie? Andie Alexandra or Anastasia? Alexandra Anna or Angela? Anna Annie or Angelica? Angelica Ana or Ashna? Ana Audrey or Ashley? Audrey Ansel or Annika? Ansel Brooke or Britney? Brooke Berkeley or Bella? Bella Bo Chao or Beatrix? Beatrix Camille or Camryn? Camryn Cristina or Casilda? Cristina Chloe or Courtney? Courtney Charlotte or Carol? Charlotte Cleo or Chanel? Chanel Davin or Dillon? Dillon Delilah or Dutra? Delilah Erin or Elina? Erin Emin or Emerson? Emerson Emily or Emma? Emma Erika or Estelle? Estelle Faith or Frannie? Faith Fernanda or Francesca? Francesca Georgina or Gracie? Gracie Gabriela or Gina? Gina Hailey or Hannah? Hailey Hadley or Havana? Hadley Indra or Isabel? Isabel Indiana or Ivy? Indiana Jenny or Jessie? Jessie Julia or Joyce? Joyce Jasmine or Jackie? Jasmine Jamie or Jennifer? Jamie Kimia or Karina? Karina Katerina or Kate? Kate Kira or Kristie? Kira Lia or Lily? Lia Lauren or Lynette? Lauren Liberty or Leila? Liberty Margaret or Martha? Martha Michelle or Mackenzie? Michelle Mia or Michaela? Mia Morgan or Maddie? Morgan Maya or Mayuri? Maya Megan or Makena? Makena McKinley or Margo? Margo Nikki or Natalie? Natalie Nadia or Nancy? Nancy Nicole or Olivia? Olivia Rachel or Rebecca? Rachel Remi or Rosie? Remi Ruby or Reine? Ruby Ren or Sakura? Sakura Sapna or Snigdha? Sapna Sally or Stella? Sally Sophie or Sydney? Sophie Sophia or Solana? Sophia Skye or Sierra? Sierra Serena or Savanah? Savannah Sarah or Sabrina? Sabrina Tara or Taylor? Tara Vittoria or Yahs? Vittoria Yoonju or Yukine? Yukine Aidan or Austin? Austin Alan or Andrew? Alan Aldo or Alexx? Alexx Ben or Brian? Ben Billy or Brodie? Brodie Corey or Carlos? Carlos Coleman or Connor? Connor David or Dylan? David Eli or Eric? Eric Franz or Fernando? Franz Gabe or Graham? Gabe Holden or Hudson? Hudson Jacob or Justin? Justin Jack or JP? Jack Jimmy or Jared? Jared James or John? John Karm or Kian? Kian Lou or Lenny? Lenny Michael or Mickey? Michael Nick or Nathan? Nick Peter or Pierson? Peter Rai or Rafael? Rafael Sanjay or Supawat? Sanjay Will or Wynn? Will Zachary or Zack? Zack

[survivormanhattanbeach]

Episode 1: “...too early to be shady?”-Ryan

There....are so many men and I'm overwhelmed. Also Keaton shading me during his intro is a whole ass mood 

I’m so excited to be playing with majority of this cast... too early to be shady? 

Oooooooofffff what the hell did I just get myself into. Julian’s here. He always finds some fucking way i swear to god... and then there’s Keaton who i pissed off in a prior BB game... which literally ended like 3 days ago for me.... and then i ahve Andreas form Kuang Si and Billy from IdlM.... what the fuck is wrong with my life right now I mean...... i’ll figure this out, let me stop having a heart attack right now

I am SO OVERWHELMED right now! All these messages from people that I think hate me, this is going to be fun! As of right now I'm most nervous about Sarah because I LOVE talking to her, she's so easy to talk to but we always do each other wrong and have never made it far together in anything SO yeah. I'm really hoping that I get on a tribe where I connect with a majority and/or two of them don't like each other so I'm not the first to go! I guess it's time to now... go and be social haha! 

When did talking to people become so hard??? Idk if it's because I've been away kind of for awhile and not talking to people but I feel like I'm the most boring person in the world AHHH. Hopefully things get better soon. I'm about to ignore that annoying red number two by the skype icon and play the game for a bit to maybe give me something to talk about with these people!! 

http://atleastyoumadejury.tumblr.com/post/182902334923 That’s me in this challenge. 

First night = first opinions! Let's go. -called isaac immediately to form a bond with him. He seems super stoked to have me in the season and we agreed to form a f2 deal. Honestly he is funny, adorable and iconic so I am not mad if I go to f2 with him. I will be loyal to him as long as I know he is loyal to me -mark is very social and I know he uses this to his advantage. Every cute thing he is saying, he is definitely saying to the other players -I can easily bond with basically everyone on this season so I feel like this is going somewhere. I can tell ppl are liking me so honestly I am fucking excited to play --went on a one world call with ryan, tom, madison, dani, isaac and myself and they are cool af. I know ryan and tom used to work together from the beginning of mykonos so I am kinda scared they are a definite power duo. Tom has already proven to be a good player in terms of strength and I can tell hes strategic. I REALLY REALLY WANT TO BE HIS #1 SO I WILL WORK ON IT. fuck I need to get on his good side to get far. i can tell. I just dont want him to screw me over - Junior is playing and I guess he is the shadiest person in the game? SO I will be on the lookout for that. -Ruthie needs to leave. -Keaton hates madison so I can use that to my advantage somehow ? well see. -I am going to continue to talk and be social but honestly I dont want to give away too much. Im back after a year so I hope I can go far this time. Fingers crossed

I’ve smelled some fake shit before, but nothing quite as fake as Ryan trying to squash the beef with me. I’m flutter my lashes and play stupid for a while, but in all honesty, I want him gone as early as possible. I don’t trust him, at all. Also, Dan is sneaky as fuck. So I don’t trust him either. Plus I’ve hosted him and I know he’s only in it for himself. He’s vote himself out if it meant he’d win the game. But then there’s Mark, who has played with and been burned by both Ryan and Dan. Between the three of them I’m just not feeling him. I don’t want to be his demise, but I wouldn’t be sad to use him to kill the other two then dump him before he gets farther than me. Kill three birds with Mark’s stone. As for y’all hosts, thanks for dumping me with Madison, Joey and Keaton. Who will keep me around just as a number. They think I’m stupid and I have no idea what I’m doing. Same goes with Brandon. Like I love “OH MY GOD HEWWO”ing my friends. Another main, another season where I’ll just do whatever I can to make it far. Here’s to a good season. 

VL Confessional: This is my greatest chance to FINALLY make an impact on Tumblr Survivor. The minute I was casted, my ranking average went up. What I want to do this season is to take advantage of the time that I have. I want to do well, I want to finally prove how good I CAN be. This is my opportunity to bond with a ton of other players, and I’m READY FOR IT. My mood rn: https://youtu.be/roJ5NSfmxvs

I feel like this game is lowkey a test of Madison and I’s relationship...

VL CONFESSIONAL I’m sitting here on my couch watching the TV They’re picking all the numbers of my favorite lottery I am so excited when fortune calls I’ve never been so happy with someone picking my balls.

Oh god, I shouldn't write any of those weird and unsettling oneliners that I have in mind right now, so.... Hello! Just hello! I'm back for another Tumblr Survivor fun time and I have no idea what to expect from myself for this season. Will I have motivation? HELL YEAH! Will I have the time to back it up? NOPE!!! So... let's start with a little cast assessment, shall we? I already know that I am lucky to have LUCY around, because I know her from another community. That being said, she is a great player, so if she is active this time around, she'll definitely make it further than last time... So far though, it doesn't look like that... :sadface: I am also THRILLED to see RUTHIE playing. I love her, and we only got to play once (in a BB game that ended after 2 weeks) and I happy to see her and I really hope we can work together this season!!! I have mixed feelings about MARK and BRANDAN rn, because I've played in TS with them previously. I pissed off Brandan a lot in Kuang Si when I told him that I wanted him out. I hope he's gotten over that, but I feel like he's not the type of person to forget. But I think he'll be willing to give playing with me another try, but he'll keep me on a short leash. Mark, I voted off in Flops, and then I flipped him to vote for me in the worst FTC of TS history. But the guy is strongheaded and idk how well I can work with that. I've had great conversations with TOM and KEVIN and I feel like they're people I can talk to a lot more, and maybe build a relationship with. I had some decent chats with SARAH, DANIELLE, ISAAC and MADISON. I can't place them yet, but I think I can get along with them. I got off the wrong foot with ISAIAH and RYAN a little, but they seem fun and I can see myself working with them in the future. Or maybe I am just imagining things here? Who knows.... KEATON, JOEY and BILLY, I tried talking to, but I am really not sure yet if we're on the same wavelength. But they seem active enough and open, and it's not even been a day yet. ;) JUNIOR, DAN, JAKE and JULIAN, I haven't spoken with at all so far. rip? --- Let me tell you that I really like it being 4 Tribes of 5 to start the season off (at least that's what it looks like). I don't care too much about being a top-placing player here. I don't think I'd be immediately at the bottom right off the bat, so I don't need that unneccessary potential challenge threat target right away. I think I've spoken to enough people and got a little bit of that Andreas personality across, so I at least have a foot in peoples doors, you know? Let's see how things shake up! I am confident for starters, but that's the point of it, isn't it?

I’ve only talked game with a few people which kinda scares me. I also think a lot of this cast has previous relationships and I only know like 2 people. I love Isaac, Jake, Ryan, and Mark. I need to start socializing more.

hellurrrrr we're back and better than ever! first tumblr org since like... July so I'm feeling pretty rusty. Thankfully I have a couple familiar faces in this cast so I'm not too nervous. I was pretty excited to see Dani cast... we literally went to middle school together LOL. I want to keep that a secret, but Joey already knows because Dani has her location set to my city UGH. So now I gotta hope that Joey doesn't blow that cover. I know Kevin from Zwooper but idk how loyal he actually will be to me. I know Dan, Ruthie, Isaac and Madison from previous games but I don't think we worked well together in them so whoops. RYAN is here which I'm excited for. I want to work with him, he seems sweet. I also know Sarah because she made Eddie cry so I already love ha. But Eddie told me she's crazy in games so maybe I should tread carefull with her for now. I think everyone else is a fresh face to me? So this should be interesting. Half of them haven't even added me yet though so they need to step their pussies up. I'm here to win since that's the only placement I could get that will beat my last placement LOL. But I'm not trying to let an ORG make me go cray cray like Crossroads did... but it probably will <3

Ok, so. This whole picking tribes thing, has just got to go. I have multiple people telling me they are putting me first and although I love being first for once, this might not be the best thing for my game. If a random person I haven’t played with picks me, that looks shady. If one of my MANY previous allies picks me, that looks shady. Oh and there’s that thing where Billy and I squashed beef, and hopefully that can stay because I don’t need a giant target on my back for billy being my only enemy in all of the games I’ve ever played. If this tribe swap is 4 tribes of 5 then I need to make sure my people pick wisely and make sure that they have the 3 they need to keep a majority. The only issue with that, is I’m essentially in the middle of 5 groups: Mykonos, Bermuda, Unova (Pacific Island), Guyana, and then anyone I haven’t played. Take the union of those sets and you have the entire cast Manhattan Beach (yes I did just use math language, no I am not ashamed).

Imma make Jake think im his bitch. “Oh Jake, ill vote out my best friend, and someone who I respect as a host to boost your ego!”

Alright, Day 1 is nearing its end and I've made some progress I feel? So to get right to it: I've spoken a bunch with Danielle and Kevin and they've spoken a lot with each other too, so we're trying to get together on a tribe of 3. The plan right now is to hopefully get one of us in the top 4 (me), I pick Kevin, Kevin picks Danielle, and we've got an easy majority if it's tribes of 5. Now, we don't know if we actually split up in 4 of 5, or 2 of 10, or 4 of 5 but we have Tribal Councils with 2 tribes together. It's impossible to call right now. As a small addition to my first confessional, some final cast assessments: JUNIOR: A very friendly guy. I feel like he's genuine, but he's definitely VERY friendly, and I am not used to that level of friendliness in TS. But I think we good rn DAN: We spoke about Germany and that's about it. We have a little basis. JAKE: We spoke a little about politics, so at least we spoke and have a basis. Not much more than that. JULIAN: Dude... you seem so nice, but you are giving off no confidence in yourself. I don't have much more to say than that right now. I fear that he'll be used as a number by someone rn --- I got some good chats with KEATON and ISAAC going. And that's about it! I hope that I get put on a tribe with KEVIN, DANI, LUCY, RUTHIE, TOM, KEATON... and maybe SARAH. Just bring on the tribes, so I can finally start playing this game. One World is too big for me.

I'm pretty confident with my score for this challenge, I think it's enough to at least show my future tribe that I can do my part in the challenges, and hopefully I get somewhat of a say in who will be on my tribe. For my social game, I'm definitely planning to use me being the first boot on Guyana to my advantage. I've heard from Andreas and checked a bit as well that there's some fierce competition in this cast, and I think I can slide by for quite a while as long as I make some good connections. I know Dani, Andreas and Ryan from outside of this season, and those will be some people I could rely on from the beginning (not sure about Ryan though for that one since we don't know each other that well). Also I don't know what it is about Ruthie, but she seems so sweet and I'd love to get to work with her further down the line.

I love my tribe so much! It is PERFECT! Literally they are all people that I've talked to since the game started and I don't have any issues with any of them. I'm really glad especially that Andreas is on my team and I think that all in all we will have a strong tribe going forward! I don't want to get too cocky but I do feel confident in my position on this tribe! Nowwww if only we can win and stay away from tribal council! 

Honestly, what is wrong with me? Another main season and it's One World? Negative. This is how I will die. I would rather eat glass than have to fucking message 25 people I don't care about. On another note, I love my tribe high key. Aesthetically, we're a really great looking tribe. We could all be models tbh. We all get along really well so if we go to tribal, I'll probably just tell everyone to vote me out, for my mental health and theirs hahahaha save them the trouble. Nah, jk I'll fight, but I don't want to think about like voting any of them out? I def feel closest to Mark, but I really enjoy Dani and Ryan's banter. Junior is so cute too ugh haha. I'm just happy I'm not with the other ugly asses on other tribes

ugh i hate doing these things but im gonna try and be better if i flop this season im deleting skype tbh. This cast is going to give me a solid chance to go deep i feel like. Ryan Billy Dan all want to be my F2, madison is close with me, dani and sarah have both expressed interest in going deep together tribes were picked and holy frick is this tribe incredible. Ryan and Dan and Dani all were in my top 5 of who i wanted to be in a tribe with and junior is actually dope as fuck. i just hope we dont lose and have to vote someone out. especially the first round bc junior is safe so id have to decide between dan dani and ryan and id probably self vote if that was the case

So now I’m like 200% not even gonna try to work with Mark or Dan or Ryan. They’re all on the same tribe. Which means they’re gonna make a final three and that’s something I don’t want to be anywhere near. That’s a dumpster fire that I do not want to be a part of. What sucks even more is, Mark told me I was number one of his list. But Dan was picked by him before I was. So clearly he lied to me. But to add insult to injury, I was picked last for a tribe. So I was literally no one’s number 1. So that sucks, a lot. I guess that’s a fun way to start the season. “Way to go! No one likes you enough to be your #1!” Always a bridesmaid, never the bride. It just makes me have the “anyone but me” mindset even more than I already have. 

Hello new tribe. I am content with the outcome. On one hand, it sucks that I ended in 5th or 6th place, but on the other hand, the draft was rather revealing. I planned to pick KEVIN while he picks DANI, but Dani is soo fucking popular, that she was the absolute first pick - and then she picked Ryan over both Kevin and I. That definitely alerts me, but oh well, I don't blame her or anyone, she's lovely. I am happy that I wasn't the last pick of my tribe, because that would have sucked a lot. Instead, I get to be around BRANDAN, who I actually want to work together with for the time being. RUTHIE picked me, which I am really grateful for, but there is no guaranteed to know how far up I actually was on her list, but at least 6 others were behind me. Now I picked LUCY. Which is a good thing. She rocks at challenges. But she's definitely on the bottom of the totem pole here. I would prefer to vote out JULIAN first if we ever go to TC as this tribe, but for that, Ruthie needs to like Lucy more than the guy who picked her... Either way, let's win challenges somehow and not worry about that. The people I care for should be okay..? Dani will be safe. JUNIOR will be safe by default. Orange tribe will be fun to watch, because I care about everyone but BILLY on there (sorry honey). I am actually scared for my #1 Kevin rn, because JOEY and MADISON are together, which is scary, and neither of them picked him... So he could go first :( Either way, I need to stay on Brandans good side and I need to build up a strong bond with Ruthie, so I can keep Lucy around...

VL CONFESSIONAL HOLY MOTHER OF GOD NVGHHYGCSZAAAWSDDXF I’M SAFEEEEEEEEEE. I’m honestly so happy about it. I gave it my all and I’m honestly shook. And then I realized Madison and I are on the same tribe... Welcome to the plotline of the season.

I have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair

VL CONFESSIONAL So yeah for this challenge Pussydestroyer69@yahoo.com is taken. Fun.

I'm not really sure how I stand with my tribe. Currently my main connection is Andreas, but I know I can't just rely on him. He was picked before I was and he could easily just let me go if I'm in the way of him getting to the first tribe swap. We seem to be doing well in the challenge, and I hope we do win. I personally at least kind of feel like the outsider, and I don't know the connections the others have with one another, so hopefully this gives me time to build a connection with them before we go to tribal.

alright so first off, fuck y’all for giving us this challenge. you’re gonna make me sit here all day reblogging a post because i’m competitive, but we’re probably going to lose because my tribe sucks. like i was the only one doing it for 2 hours. kill me. let’s talk about my tribe real quick. i think kevin is genuinely with me with is good. but when i got put on this tribe, dan messaged me saying that joey, madison, and isaiah are a friend group. i knew that joey and madison were “dating”, but the isaiah thing worries me because if it’s true, then um they have the majority. i’m trying to stay close with joey too since we played zwooper together before. i just really need to bank that him and Kevin would stick with me over the others if we go to tribal. um but i wish i was on a tribe with my same city sister, dani, or with Ryan. let me just say something about Ryan... yo why he gotta do me like this? when i saw ryan in this cast i thought omg that’s the cute ryan but he probably won’t pay me much attention... flash forward to last night when we ditched the main call to call one on one and basically called all night. ummm, are we about to have a survivor showmance? probably not, boys like to ghost me all the time so i don’t expect much but that boy is about to have me WHIPPED i just know it. anyways let’s hope i don’t lose the first challenge because i literally ALWAYS go to tribal first in orgs 

YAY! My tribe pulled out a win. I wish we would have gotten an idol clue but a win is a win and I will take it!! In all honesty it seems like Brandan, Andreas and I did all the work, but maybe Julian and Lucy did things too and just weren't... vocal about it. Lucy has talked to me one on one a bit but I don't know if she knows what she's doing haha. As for Julian, I really like him but he's been SO quiet, not talking in the tribe chat and not being very talkative via PM so we'll see. Right now I feel the closest with Brandan and Andreas and I hope that the three of us can maybe form some kind of alliance. I really hope that Kevin and Jake will be safe! I like Madison and Isasiah (I spent five minutes trying to remember how to spell that name and I still can't get it GRR) but I haven't talked to them as much as the others. I guess we'll see what happens haha! 

so julian can talk in the one world but not our tribe chat... interesting... although i can't talk. i BARELY ever talk in the one world aSLFJLSF

Well we came in first for the first challenge! I tried sooooo hard and I have never reblogged so much in my entire life. The tribe that came in last has two of my allies on it and I’m pretty sure they are in the minority. Madison, joey, and isiah have an alliance apparently. But Jake did tell me that Joey came to him and wanted to get Isaiah out. I really hope he isn’t fucking with him because I need Jake and Kevin to stay in the game!! So far I really love my tribe. I wouldn’t even know who to get rid of if it came down to it. I think Dans the least person I’ve talked to on my tribe. I should probably keep talking to people who aren’t on my tribe aside from jake/Kevin/Tom/Sarah. And I should probably start talking strategy but I like where I am so far social wise. 

My tribe is so fucking united it’s scary. We all just gel really well and literally called for an obscene amount of time this weekend. I really love Dani, we haven’t connected too much in pms yet, but she gives off such good vibes. I feel like she’s definitely a social threat, but maybe by aligning with her she can bring up my social game a little. I desperately need to talk to more than just my tribe mates, but honestly the only other person who attempts to talk to me is Tom, and he’s just kind of forward and weird. Like he asked to share idol clues and I was like....okay sis out of the blue. Idk just seems kinda shady. Pennekamp, or as I like to call them Pasta tribe, losing is honestly my kink. I really hope that someone from the friend group goes home, but honestly it might be Jake or Kevin going. Madison and Joey are for sure an alliance bc of hos22, and then I know Isaiah is friends with Madison bc she was talking about him on call one day in another game, so. Let’s hope one of them flips and one of those 3 gets the damn boot. 

Being on the Robinson Riptides tribe is lit af. Why? Mark and I are on the same tribe, so I have my number one, and then Dani picked me and I know she is a close ally as well. Plus now that we won the first challenge, Junior does not have immunity in the next round and in the event we go to tribal next round, he would be my first target on our tribe. I like Dan, but def not someone I want to take deep in the game, seems like a large threat. Who knows, could easily use him for a number. Also, I love Tom. I am so happy he is back with me in this game after playing in Mykonos. I don't think people understand how close we are, and I want to down play that as much as possible. He is my secret go to persona and I'm going to keep that hush hush for now. We are trying to get our sides to merge into an alliance while the one world business is still going on. Goal: Tom gets Sarah to want to make a chat with either myself, Dani, or Mark. And if this happens, then we have five people with great connections outside but also people I would want to work with for this portion of the game. Also, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THIS IDOL CLUE BEING USELESS AF? CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN? LIKE ACTUALLY EXPLAIN? HOW IS THIS CLUE SUPPOSE TO HELP ME? CUZ IT DOES NOT!

Yay, Immunity. The Pacific Panthers are so boring as a tribe. The chat is dead. Is it because of timezones? Is it because of age diversity? This tribe has it all! Lucy is still new to TS, Ruthie is busy most of the time when I'm around. Brandan and I don't mean too well rn.... And Julian? He is wearing Harry Potter's Cloak of Invisibility! Either way, I hope Kevin survives F20 TC, as he is a valuable pawn and friend to me already. I'd expect Isaiah to go here, even if Madison might be the smartest move, but it's too early for big moves I feel. See ya next round!

Okay this game is NOT back to basics Johnny, it's back to hell. Schoolyard pick tribes, messy players, ONE WORLD, it's just an absolute cluster truck. I'm doing well for myself though. Getting 4th gave me the opportunity to set myself up well with Sarah and getting lucky with Billy should make me safe on this small tribe for awhile. How I'm not happy to see Madison here though. I'm afraid there's going to be a gun pointed at me by her the entire time, so I'm thinking I'll be forced to go after her before anyone else when given the opportunity. I just have to keep conversation high, keep game level talk at a medium, and eventually get taken out by an idol/twist

https://youtu.be/wpsiisk5lQQ

So big surprise, I'm going to tribal first. Joey is getting on my nerves idk why he even signs up for these games if he's always working but anyways. He's safe so I have to play the role of the devoted housewife to save face. As of now the vote is on Isaiah which sucks because he is definitely an ally for me, but at the end of the day our tribe and the game in general needs strength and commitment. Ugh why must my tribe be so iconic. 

OK SOOOOOOO Basically my paranoid ass has convinced myself I’m going home already, but let me walk you through why SO Isaiah is just super inactive, not to the point where he is NEVER here but just considerably less when comparing him to myself or others and so me jake Madison and joey all talked among ourselves and in various 1 on 1 and came to the conclusion we are voting him out, ALLEGEDLY! but ever since this tribe started the rumor of Madison Joey and Isaiah being friends has been brought up SO many times so that is just engrained in my head, now I’m probably over thinking this part but it makes sense to me, if Isaiah purposefully was being less responsive to provoke the instinct in me and Jake to vote him out, perhaps he has an idol or perhaps he is just fine being the decoy vote among the three and it helps that friend group manage the votes if they know who/how we are voting and it makes me and jake feel “safe” which could lead to the not playing of an idol SHOULD either of us have one and get suspicious. THEN after we have this “set” plan I guess Isaiah told Madison that he was voting for Jake, and Madison told him to continue the lie of being open and honest to the 2 of us so we don’t suspect anything, now if he WERE voting Jake and Jake had an idol I think he’d be impulsive and paranoid (like me) enough to play it and THEN those 3 would in all actuality be voting me, leaving me defenseless and alone, flushing Jakes non-existent idol (it exists theoretically though) and then I go home first boot 3-2. So yeah I don’t feel good but I’ll never feel good I also just scarfed down from chick fil a and now I have to poop. Anyways I will be casting my vote was Isaiah later tonight because that is the only move I can make and pray that my show watching, self loathing attitude has made such a positive impact on Madison and Joey that they want to keep me around ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

apparently isaiah wants to vote me out after being inactive for 2 days... bitch suck my taint. everyone else says they're voting isaiah so umm fingers crossed?? a bitch is nervous af regardless bc i will cry if i flop and get 20th