#i had programed to fight by the megas playing in my head the entire time i drew this

[holograph-skullz]

Goretober Day 24: Dismembered

Down falls Crashman

[ruzek-halstead]

there’s one thing on my mind (it’s all for you)

i didn’t have a wip for jatp fanworks appreciation week, so i made one?? but i got too into it and finished it in a few hours. thanks to @ourstarscollided for sending in the incredible prompt that led to this fic!! 

home didn't seem like home anymore for luke patterson, and so he was desperate to find a new place to write music. after an especially brutal fight with his mother, he finds himself in front of l.a. books. he isn't expecting to get much out of it, it was solely a last resort. but then he sees her, julie molina, and he ends up coming back every week just to keep seeing her.

bookstore au

masterlist

If three years ago, someone were to tell Luke, he would actively be spending his Friday night in a small, but cozy book store, he would have laughed in their face.

He was a rockstar. If he wasn't jamming it out at some club with his boys, he was doing something wrong.

But life didn't always work out in his favour, and it wasn't long before he decided he couldn't write out of his home anymore. Home. Sometimes the mere word made him laugh. Home was supposed to be warm, welcoming and loving, and he felt none of those things every time he walked through the front door. It was starting to take a toll on him. Not only on his mental health, but also in his creative abilities. The songs he was writing in his bedroom had taken a dark turn, so dark they felt more like a cry for help than anything else.

So, he decided it was time to find another place to write songs; somewhere that could get his creative juices flowing. When Reggie first suggested this bookstore on the corner of Madison, Luke pinched his brows, not understanding how that was a viable solution. Reggie defended his suggestion by saying bookstores were quiet and he would be surrounded by millions of words of inspiration.

Luke never took Reggie's suggestion until one brutal fight with his mom left him pulling at his hair, desperate to leave the house. He would go anywhere at this point, but his fingers were itching to grab his pencil and book; there was so much he just needed to get out onto paper. If he didn't, he would explode. So, he grabbed his song book, a few pencils and stuffed everything into his backpack before he hopped out his window. At first, he just started walking to nowhere in particular. In the back of his mind, he was intending to drop by Alex's, but instead he found himself standing in front of L.A. Books.

He walked in with the intention of taking one quick walk around and most likely walking right back out. He was pissed off at the world and he didn't think Shakespeare would solve his issue.

But then he saw her.

She was stocking a book shelf, putting up new books as far as he could tell. Her curls kept getting in way of her vision and she was continuously tucking them behind her ears. He could only see the side of her face at this point, but when she was approached by a younger girl to help locate a book, Luke quite literally forgot how to breathe. She was stunning in every which way; her soft smile to the young girl made an unconscious smile spread over his own lips. There was no specific thing about her that drew him to her, but for some reason, he was rooted to the floor. Even when she started moving in his direction, leading the girl to a new section, he couldn't even move just enough to grab a book and look like he wasn't creepily stalking her.

But she only sent him a warm smile as she walked by.

So, maybe Reggie wasn't so wrong about this place after all.

After that, Luke found himself stopping by at least once a week, maybe twice if things at home were really bad. It was a quiet establishment for the most part, and Luke found a corner table that was perfect for his writing. He knew his song writing was starting to take a hit; he knew that. But since he started writing in the bookstore, an obvious shift was clear in the words he scribbled down.

Even the boys noticed.

"What the hell is this?" Alex had demanded one late night after Luke handed him his songbook so he could filter through it. They'd mostly been playing their old originals while Luke worked on some new stuff, and he was finally starting to share.

Luke frowned, biting his lip nervously. "What? Is it that bad?"

"Reg, look at this," Alex ignored Luke, reaching over to show the other brunette. "When were you going to tell us?"

Luke merely blinked, gaze flickering between the two. Reggie, to his credit, looked just as confused, meanwhile Alex was fighting a smirk. "Dude, I'm so confused. What the hell are you talking about?"

Alex placed the book down in his lap, finally letting the smirk take over. "When were you going to tell us you were in love?"

Luke immediately started to sweat. "What?"

"If you're writing these love songs about me, I'm flattered," Alex teased, to which Luke could only roll his eyes and snatch the book back into his possession. "But you know I'm taken."

"I'm not in love," Luke muttered under his breath.

And he wasn't. He would stand by that.

But he'd be lying if he said he didn't stop by the bookstore solely to see his curly-haired goddess. Every time, he would look at her and a sudden burst of inspiration would blindside him and he would be writing into his book without even realizing. He wasn't going to tell the boys that, though.

After about a month of hidden glances and polite smiles, he figured it was about time to say something. He also figured it could only look a little strange, him being at a bookstore every week and never buying anything. To his credit, many others took advantage of their tables to work quietly; he wasn't the only one. But he was the only one who couldn't take his off the employee with kind eyes and a mega-watts smile. Sometimes she came over to organize the tables, or wipe them down, and so Luke decided it was now or never.

"Hi," he blurted one night when she came to grab a stray book someone had left on his table. Her gaze lifted to meet his. Her face broke out into a warm smile and he nearly broke his pencil from how hard he was holding it.

Luke's eyes dropped to her name tag. He'd never been close enough to read it (with the exception of the first time he saw her, but he was understandably starstruck and couldn't focus on anything).

Julie.

He debated saying something else, it almost looked like she was waiting for him too, but the words were caught in his throat. He merely sent her a pained grin as she retreated. God, that was awkward.

Over the next few months, his confidence grew some, but he was never able to hold a full conversation with her. He was working up to it, but in the meantime, he was content in his corner writing songs about the girl who had unknowingly captured his heart.

This week had been particularly gruelling. School had taken a lot out of him (every mark counted for college admissions) and his parents were on his ass about his grades. He knew he had to do well, even if he wanted to pursue music, he needed the grades to get into a good music program; he knew that. He didn't need his mom yelling at him about it every day. So, this Friday he'd spent the entire evening at L.A. Books, anything to just get away for a bit. He knew it was almost closing time; there weren't many customers left and he could see Julie cleaning up out of the corner of his eye.

He was trying not to spend all his time watching Julie, instead focused on his latest creation. So, he didn't see Julie apprehensively watching someone shove a few books into his backpack. He was young, but probably a bit older than Julie. Why he would want to steal some books, Julie had no idea, but it was the wrong day to mess with Julie Molina.

She hadn't had her best week either, and watching someone blatantly try to steal like he was, severely pissed her off. Protocol be damned, Julie stalked over to the individual and blocked his exit. Protocol insisted on not confronting the shop-lifter by any means, but Julie was too annoyed to care.

"Are you going to pay for those books you put in your backpack or can I have them back?"

Julie was impressed with how confident she sounded. Even when he met her glance head-on, she wasn't the least bit intimidated.

"What? Sorry, I think you're thinking of someone else," he replied, but after meeting her gaze the first time, he couldn't hold it as he spoke.

"Just give me the books and I won't call the police," Julie reasoned. She sounded exhausted, and that was because she was; this was honestly the last thing she needed this week, and yet, here she was.

But as soon as the man noticed her change of tone, his mouth twisted into a scowl. "I already told you, you have the wrong guy."

"I saw you put them in your backpack!" Julie argued, her anger crawling back up her throat.

"No, you didn't, because I didn't do anything!" He replied angrily. "Are you going to move, now?"

Julie stood her ground. It was probably quite comical, considering she was a full head shorter than him, but she wasn't moving. "No. Give me back the books."

The man let out a furious snarl. "Get out of my way, bitch."

His words didn't offend her in the slightest. Honestly, she felt sorry for him, that this was how he was raised to treat women, especially someone as young as her. But she was perceptive, and she could tell he was getting agitated and possibly aggressive. She didn't know this guy, she didn't know what he was capable of.

Luke had kept his eye on Julie the entire time, he always did. But as soon as he realized what she was doing, he swore under his breath. He tried to keep his distance, to let her do her thing, but the second the man called Julie a bitch, Luke was up and out of his chair, ready to throw hands.

There was a point in his life where he wouldn't even think about the consequences of his actions, but as he approached, he caught Julie's eyes and figured punching this random guy in the face probably wasn't the best course of action. So, he hung back, close enough to be noticed, but not enough to be considered a threat.

Or so he thought.

The man noticed Julie's eyes focused on something behind him, so he whirled around to see Luke. What with his height and obvious biceps (that were currently on display because what were sleeves anyway?), the man scoffed.

"Is he coming to your rescue or something? Need someone to fight your battles?"

Luke merely raised his eyebrows.

The fact that he was saying all this to a high school girl seriously baffled him.

When the man tried to step around Luke, he side-stepped to be in his way again. Luke didn't smirk, didn't show any facial emotion. It was enough to unnerve him.

With an angry huff, he reached into his backpack to pull out the two books in question. He slammed them into Luke's chest as he stormed past him, muttering, "I don't need this crap."

The moment they heard the door slam closed, Luke's eyes slid over to Julie. Her face was blank, but her eyes were stormy, angry even. He didn't blame her; that guy was a right dick. He hesitantly handed the books back to her. Her gaze flickered to the books and back to him. She probably had no idea how absolutely intimidating she looked.

But then she smiled. A proper, full smile that had Luke merely staring. "Thank you," she said, reaching forward to grab the books. He was hoping she'd say more, but instead she took the books and walked away to put them back in their place.

It was fine, because she had talked to him and he was so ridiculously happy about that. He had also helped her out in that less than stellar situation, but not overbearingly so that he treated her like a damsel in distress who couldn't handle herself. Julie definitely held her own, but he wouldn't be able to live with himself if something happened to her and he was right there sitting in his corner. Pleased with himself and how the situation played out, he skipped back to his seat in the corner, feeling more inspired than ever to finish the current song he was working on.

He glanced up one more time, surprised to catch Julie's sparkling brown eyes already looking at him. She immediately averted her gaze, mouth twitching as she held back a smile.

That was when he decided, no more pining around; it was time to officially ask her out.

What was the worst that could happen? She would say no. And he'd be okay with that, because it was 2021 and respecting women and their decisions shouldn't even be questioned. He'd be disappointed, sure, but for now, he was still holding out hope that maybe she would be into him too.

It was nearing eight, and Luke could tell when he saw the remainder of customers heading for the door. He spotted Julie making her way over too, getting ready to lock the door behind the last customer. He gathered up his things and shoved them into his backpack as slowly as possible. His heart was hammering in his chest and his palms were sweaty; he was actually nervous to ask Julie out.

How couldn't he be? She was absolutely gorgeous.

Luke made it to the door, taking a deep breath before he met her eyes.

Julie stepped in front of him, blocking his exit.

He stumbled in his step, grabbing onto the door frame to keep from toppling straight into her.

"Sorry," she mumbled, tucking a curl behind her ear. For the first time literally ever, Luke observed the tell-tale signs of her shy and apprehensive behaviour. She was always so confident, so in tune with what she seemed to want, this was unusual to him. Not only because of that, but he'd never been this close to her, and he was suddenly finding it extremely hot (and he was barely even wearing a shirt).

Luke tugged on his backpack strap, because he needed to do something. He needed to focus, or else he'd end up doing something stupid, like blurt out that he was in love with her. "No, it's okay. I actually wanted to ask you something anyway."

Her sparkling brown eyes widened for a split second. "Actually, I want to ask you something — are you free to grab a coffee?"

It was safe to say Luke's brain started to short-circuit.

"Uh, what?"

He was so intensely focused on gathering the courage to ask her out, he didn't even know how to reply when she suddenly flipped the plan on him.

He started to lose his mind even more when a soft blush spread over Julie's cheeks. "I'm just closing up, and I could really use a dose of caffeine. I'd really like if you came with me."

Luke can't do more than simply stare at her; his body was failing on him. Julie held his gaze, biting her lip apprehensively with a nervous smile because he wasn't saying anything, and she really hoped she didn't misinterpret his signals. But then he finally fights for control of his body again, and a soft grin spreads onto his lips. "Yeah. I'd really like that."

She matched his grin, closed and locked the door behind her. "I only have a few more things to do. Just a few more minutes."

"No worries," he replied, shoving his hands into his front pockets. "Oh! I'm Luke, by the way."

Julie mulled over the name for a moment. "Julie," she responded.

"I know," he mumbled, eyes solely focused on hers. Even when she looked to him in surprise, he couldn't focus on anything but her eyes. God, she was so gorgeous. "Your name tag," he added, just to ease her fears about him being a stalker (I mean, he was there almost every week...).

Luke leaned against one of the tables as he waited for Julie to finish closing up. He watched her silently, unable to remove the excited smile from his lips the entire time he waited. When she told him he was ready, he diligently held open the door for her and then waited, hands dug into his front pockets, as she locked up behind them.

There was a coffeeshop right around the corner, and as they both started walking in that direction, there was an unspoken agreement, that was where they wanted to go. Luke hated himself and his weirdly awkward nature on their walk over. He couldn't find any words to say to her, none. He chanced a few glances in her direction, but she seemed content with just walking in silence, so he went with the flow.

Once again, he held the door open for her and smiled when looked at him with amused eyes. Julie headed straight for a table near the window, removing her jacket and setting it on the back of her chair. Luke followed, lingering when she didn't sit back down.

"I can go order," he offered, "What would you like?"

Julie looked up at him with a smirk, and dear God, his knees nearly buckled. "I invited you. It's my treat."

"Oh, come on," he nearly whined. "Let's not do this, please."

Julie pursed her lips. She was a very determined person, and if he didn't know that yet, he'd be quick to learn. "I invited you. It's only fair."

He ran a hand through his hair, shooting her the most charming smile he could manage. "Julie, I've been waiting to take you out for months. Please let me buy you a coffee."

All her determination died there and then on the tip of her tongue.

"Okay," she replied with a cheeky smile. She diligently took a seat. "I'll take an iced coffee, please."

Luke nodded, once again, skipping away from her for the second time that night. He ordered Julie an iced coffee (and a cookie because who doesn't like cookies) and a regular coffee for himself. He was already jittery enough but he could never say no to coffee.

"Here you go." He said softly, placing her treats in front of her.

Julie took a quick sip of her coffee and narrowed her gaze on Luke. "I want to hear more. You said you've been waiting to take me out for months."

Luke had never felt him blush so quickly before in his life. He nearly choked on the coffee he was currently drinking. "It sounds really creepy when you say it like that."

"I know you've been coming to the shop for months," she continued, breaking apart her cookie. She wasn't looking at him, and it honestly made Luke all the more nervous. She made him nervous. "And you've never bought anything, but you're always writing in a book."

"I needed a quiet place to write music and I found your shop."

Julie nodded along, humming. "I catch you looking at me a lot."

Luke scratched the back of his head. "Well, honestly, that's not entirely my fault. I can't help but stare at beautiful things."

Julie looked up at him with a smirk. "That was smooth. I feel like it's only fair I be as honest." She leaned her elbows onto the table, leaning in close. Luke started sweating again. "I always look for you during my shifts."

It was as if the air was entirely knocked out of his lungs. It was the reassurance he was looking for, the acknowledgement that his feelings weren't one-sided, but it was a lot to take in at once.

"You're the reason I come back every week," he admitted, the words flowing freely out of him now that he knew with certainty she felt something for him too.

Julie leaned back in her chair. Her eyes tracked his movements, mostly because she didn't know what to say next. Where do they go from here?

Who makes the next move?

"I'll keep dropping by. But under one condition," Luke reasoned, hiding his smirk with his coffee mug.

Julie found herself leaning in again. There was something about him that was so alluring, always drawing her in for more. "What's that?" She didn't want to give her real answer: anything.

"I'll keep coming by if you give me your number," he told her, running his finger around the rim of his mug. "Maybe go on another date with me?"

Julie didn't reply at first; she kept him waiting until he looked at her with curious eyes. She kept him on the hook, just enough that for a moment, he wavered in his confidence. "I'd love to give you my number."

He let out an obvious sigh of relief. Julie was definitely going to wreck him in the most beautiful of ways.

"And that date?"

Julie clicked her tongue, monitoring the way his eyes absentmindedly dropped to her lips. "I'll decide that after you walk me home. But your chances are looking pretty good."

A delicious smirk crawled over Luke's mouth, and now it was all Julie could focus on.

"Then I guess I should up my game," he winked, shrugging as he added, "Just in case."

When Luke walked Julie home hours later, she confidently latched onto his hand, mostly just to give him an ego boost because he acted like the perfect gentleman all night. And when he lingered at the door, unsure whether it was too soon to kiss her or not, she leaned up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss dangerously close to the corner of his lips.

"How's next Friday night?"

It took Luke a moment to form the words after that, but he was anxiously waiting for her response.

"I'm off at eight, you know where I'll be." Even with all the coy flirting, she couldn't help but shoot him an excited grin.

Luke stuffed his hands back into his front pockets and started retreating down her walkway. "I'll, uh — I'll text you."

Julie leaned against the front door. "I'll be waiting."

And somehow, after months of pining on both ends, all it took was one attempted theft to bring Luke and Julie together.

It would take a lot more than that to separate them now.

x

taglist: @grootsgillespie || @jayhalsteadcpd || @moreflowersthanweeds || @well-hes-just-too-cute || @echocharm17618 || @leopard-print-slippers || @jandthephantoms || @scribblingfangirl || @n0wornever || @simpformolina || @only-trust-fictional-characters || @snowmione18 || @tellurphantoms || @knitsessed || @elitharavenclaw || @wakeupfantoms || @uselessnerdnherblahg || @katie-navarro || @bookwormswillruletheworld || @lmaohuh || @thatsmyverb || @sophiphi || @kybee1497 || @lukewearingbeanies || @sapphireamethystvsco || @constantly-singing || @helloilovejatp || @your-typical-ingenue || @nonickslander || @s-h-a-d-o-w-s || @asdfghjkl-fanfics |

[shirtlesssammy]

14x20: Moriah

The Road So Far:

How is Team Free Will 2.0 ever going to beat Michael, the Big Bad of the season?

Now:

We open right where we left off last week. Jack escaped the Ma’lak box by blowing it to smithereens, and took most of the bunker’s storage room with it. “You lied to me.” And then he blasts Team Free Will before flapping off.

The guys assess the damage and discuss Jack. And by discuss, I mean Dean and Cas continue to fight about their differing parenting choices. Dean wants to kill their son; Cas wants to save their son. Quite frankly, it’s obvious their therapist is done with it all. And by therapist, I mean Sam. #prayforSam. (I particularly liked the last bit of the fight when Dean had to walk closer to Cas then he already was, and Cas had to clip Dean’s shoulder as he walked away.)

Sam and Dean continue to discuss the plan for Jack. Dean insists they have to find him and “do the hard thing.” They have to kill him. Sam is visibly upset by the prospect.

Jack, meanwhile, is wandering around a city, listening to people lie to everyone around them. I particularly liked the lines that were filler for the lines that we were supposed to pay attention to:

“You should have seen it. I caught a steelhead this big.”

“I saw ‘em at Coachella last year!”

“That’s not porn. I don’t know what that was.”

Jack flashes his gold eyes and commands everyone to stop lying. This is going to solve all the world’s problems! (Sidenote: I liked this post by @eveiswaywardaf)

Sam and Dean pull up to a company called Mirror Universe. Ahem. Sam’s on the phone with Rowena (oooOOOOooo) --she’s in on their little plan.

The brothers head inside to hopefully use the company’s facial recognition program to locate Jack.

Dean calls the whole room nerds, but Sam calls him out on that bit of hypocrisy. DEAN WATCHES JEOPARDY!, guys! (ofc, he does.) Dean tries flashing his FBI badge at the receptionist, but instead of giving a fake name and reason for being there, he spills the truth.

Oh, it seems Jack’s truth command works on everyone everywhere. Dean tests the situation by asking Sam who his favorite singer is and Sam responds, “Celine Dion.” Oh Sam, Vince Vincente (and Balthazar) are very disappointed in you right now. Dean tells Sam that they can’t lie.

Then, all hell breaks loose in the company. I mean, what show are we even watching? (iloveitwithallmyheartandamnotsurewhatiamgoingtodowithoutit) The brothers escape to an empty room. There’s a TV broadcasting the news that the president spilled his tax history, deep ties to Russia and North Korea, and a “demon deal” with Crowley. Out of context, this might be my favorite part of the episode. I mean, the absolute shade! I can’t think of another show I watch doing this --especially one with a conservative audience like we know Supernatural has. In any event, the brothers quickly put it together that Jack’s behind it all.

And then we’re gifted with my favorite part in context (if that’s possible):

THE STAPLER QUEEN!

Cut to Cas in the alley trying to get access to Hell. The demon monitoring the door won’t let him him. Blerg.

For I’m Going to Hell Science:

But Chuck shows up! Uh-oh. He says he’s here because Cas called him, and “him.” Jack’s a problem.

Jack shows up at his grandmother’s place.

The poor lost cause wants to talk about Kelly. (bby boy, you’re so creepy rn.) She’s visibly upset and tells him that they made phone calls and no one knows who he is, and that others think that Kelly is dead. “What did you do to my daughter?!” Agh, her screaming makes Jack get angry and he demands that she stop (so much like his other grandmother...AUGH). The next shot we see is Jack fleeing from the house. Oh dear.

Meanwhile, Dean’s living his best life NOT lying and talking about the parenting blog he follows. MY HEART. Cas and Chuck show up. Dean wants to know where he’s been. “It’s a funny story. Reminds me of a song.” And the Chuck proceeds to pull up a guitar, which Dean promptly smashes to bits and pieces.

He shouts at Chuck to answer him, and with equal force Chuck responds, “Don’t!” Ugh, I think Dean just remembered he’s not just dealing with cuddly, affable, nebbish Chuck here. He’s dealing with God. To lessen the tension, Chuck snaps them all back to the bunker.

That doesn’t stop the questions that Sam, Dean, and Cas have though. Chuck admits to being around, but he’s hands off. If they want to <insert bad event> that’s on them. He only needs to step in when there’s an Apocalypse.

He stops the truth tellings and sets all the world back to order. Sam wants to know if Chuck can stop Jack. He tells them not exactly, but they can with a special gun. He just made it and hasn’t named it yet, but is leaning on “The Equalizer” or “The Hammurabi”. It’s a gun that sends a wave of multi-dimensional energy across a perfectly balanced quantum link. So shooter and shootee get the same treatment with this gun. Cas asks why he can’t just fix Jack’s soul. “Souls are complicated, even for me.” Dean says that this is it. Cas utters Team Free Will’s motto: There has to be another way. Dean doesn’t think so, and tells Cas to “get on board or walk away.” Cas walks away. (Spoiler: DID Y’ALL SEE CHUCK’S LITTLE SMILE AT THAT!?!)

Jack walks the streets replaying his conversation with his grandma. He’s troubled…

So is Dean! He’s tucked himself away in a corner of his bedroom, steadily working through a stash of liquor. He sits Sam down for a special talk. No, it’s not about how two people can still love each other very much, but need to be apart for a while. (#DeanCasBreakup) Dean is, of course, ready to kill himself to take care of the “Jack problem.” Dean. Bean.

Sam refreshingly calls him on his self-sacrificing bullshit.

“We always have a choice,” Sam tells him. He admits to Dean that he’s angry about their mom and a part of him does want Jack dead as well. But they have a responsibility to try to save Jack first. Jack lost his soul to save the Winchesters. Furthermore, he’s FAMILY. “You want my permission?” Sam asks. “You want me to say I’m cool with losing him and losing you all at once? ‘Cause I can’t do that.” GOD, SAM I LOVE YOU. This was the best, most emotional, most needed speech.

Cas continues his desperate search for Jack, heading to the cemetery where Kelly is buried. Jack isn’t there.

But Jack flaps in. He’s been looking for Cas! Castiel, that beautiful, majestic raven, pulls Jack in for a big hug.

Back at the bunker, Chuck’s a giant dork, playing with an AU archangel blade. Sam asks how many AUs exist. Chuck’s not sure, but we do learn about:

Reverse

No yellow

All squirrels (Thanks @consulting-cannibal for your contribution to the world’s cumulative joy)

At the cemetery, Jack talks through his failures with Cas. The lying experiment? Huge fail. Coffee and love with the Klines? Catastrophic strike-out. Grandma Kline accused Jack of killing Kelly, and Jack says that he did, just by being born. UGH that is a terrible guilt to lay on a child, soul or not. (Of course, she didn’t know…) Anyway, Cas is a good dad and talks about Jack’s experiences with him. Jack used to hate himself for Kelly’s death, but the feelings are gone. We also learn that Grandma Kline survived her interaction with Jack. Phew!

Sam asks Chuck an ultra-mega-pertinent question: is their world just another throw-away experiment? Chuck insists that this world is the best and he LOVES following the adventures of Sam and Dean. Sam gets pissed off at the idea of Chuck just watching them suffer through terrible near-ends. “You’re my favorite show,” Chuck says with a little side smile.

Sam demands an answer for why all these world-saving burdens have to fall on them, but Chuck offers up the “non-interference” answer. Anyway, he’s not here to argue cosmic ethics with Sam. It’s time to address the Jack problem. Sam finally asks where Jack is, and Chuck reveals that he’s already told Dean. Dean has left the bunker, gun in hand. Y I K E S.

At the cemetery, Jack and Cas talk.

For Beautiful Feelings Science:

Jack is desperate to do the right thing, but he doesn’t have a soul to guide him anymore. Oh, Jack. Cas will be your Jiminy Cricket! Jack WANTS to love. He wants to feel. But he can’t. “You can’t yet,” Cas tells him. They need to go hide somewhere in the world until Jack gets better.

Enter Dean with his metaphorical gun. Cas stands between Dean and Jack and EMOTIONS ARE HAPPENING PEOPLE. Jack refuses to run. He knocks Castiel away and faces Dean, knowing why Dean is there. Jack kneels. He’s ready. And I’m getting tears in my eyes. Because Dean looks at Jack. He REALLY looks at him while Cas and Sam watch the story unfold.

This metaphorical gun, while almost a joke because of its obvious symbolism, is actually perfect. This death would tear into Dean’s soul just as much as it tears into his body. And when Jack tells Dean that he knows he’s a monster just like Dean’s been saying all along, Dean looks at Jack and sees……...

Sam, meanwhile, has been joined by Chuck who is having the time of his life. Drama! Yes. Despair! Yes. Terrible soul-killing sacrifice! Mmmhmm good. Chuck watches Dean while Sam watches Chuck with growing horror. “Are you enjoying this?” Sam asks and Chuck shushes him like he’s in a freaking movie theater.

Dean cocks the weapon, grits his teeth. Finger tenses. He looks at Jack. And he LOWERS THE GUN. And here, I’m going to take a little crying break. This moment means so much to me.

Dean tosses the weapon aside. Chuck springs to life and orders Dean to pick the gun back up. “This isn’t how the story is supposed to end.” And HERE is where Chuck flips from adorable weird bunny to, idk, red-eyed god-bunny of doom.

The gravitas dies. Chuck goes on a rant about wanting to watch the father-killing-his-son storyline. The epic man paaaaaaain! Sam tells Dean that Chuck’s been playing them for fools. Playing WITH them like they’re game pieces.

“Our entire lives. Mom, Dad, everything. This is all you because you wrote it all, right? Because, what? Because we’re your favorite show? Because we’re part of your story?!”

Chuck tells Dean that if he picks up the gun and kills Jack (and himself) that he’ll bring Mary back. Dean confesses that his mom is his hero (cries) and he misses her (cries more) but she would not want this (cries the most).

“Why the games, Chuck?” Dean demands. The Winchesters unite in outrage. “When does it end?” Sam asks.

Chuck snaps his fingers and SMITES Jack. It isn’t fast, or painless. Cas tries to help him while Jack screams. Meanwhile, Sam picks up the metaphorical gun and shoots Chuck. NOOOOO SAAAAAAM!

(Okay, but the metaphorical gun symbolized Dean’s self-destruction but for Sam, it symbolizes how he fights to protect the people he loves. SAM you have come into your own this season. Truly. I am so proud.)

Sam only shoots Chuck in the shoulder and, as Chuck advertised, gets a wound in his shoulder as well. (At least he won’t have to dig out a bullet?) Pissed off now, Chuck throws a cosmic tantrum. “Story’s over,” Chuck says. “Welcome to The End.”

The sky goes dark. Jack’s dead, wing burns scorching the ground.

Sam’s still injured as they gather around Jack. We fall into a camera spiral, dipping down into Jack’s burned out eye socket (ew?) to the tune of Motorhead’s “God was never on your side.”Jack wakes in the Empty and looks around.

The Shadow greets him and draws a smile on their face. (What Would Mister Rogers Do?)

Billie greets him!!!!!!! “We should talk,” she says. Suddenly, all my crops are watered and my skin has cleared!

Down on the world, shit goes down in the cemetery. As an epic score screams about God’s betrayal, the dead claw themselves from the earth.

The woman in white appears. Gacy resurfaces. Bloody Mary rides again. These souls are all back, despite all the work and the death and loss…

It’s The End, and Team Free Will stand together as the dead converge on them. The camera cuts away and we lose sight of them in the pressing of the zombie horde.

I AM SO EXCITED. What a damn gloriously operatic note to linger on for…months.

D:  h o l d   m e

Quotes Lie:

Dad, none of this woulda happened without you.

You should never have tried to lock him away!

We’re gonna have to do the hard thing. We’re gonna have to do the ugly thing. It’s not like it’s the first time, right?

I’m Dean Winchester. I’m looking for the Devil’s son. This badge is fake.

“Hey I slept with your wife.” “I know. I’m kinda into it.”

And I saw Springsteen on Broadway, man’s a genius.

You want to go up against the British Men of Letter? Little weak, but ok.

Souls are complicated, even for me.

I’ve already lost too much.

What are you?!!

No offense, but your brother is stupid and crazy.

This isn’t just a story. IT’S OUR LIVES.

Writers lie.

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[marauders70s]

So I just watched Crimes of Grindelwald and I have a huge rant list.

Spoilers (obviously). 

Also, I did not like hardly any of it, so I’m sorry. Don’t pick a fight with me after reading a post entitled rant list and then be upset that they are all rants.

- wow AMERICA yeah jo we know what you think of us. it’s obvious in our de-tonguing geneva-convention violating (i know it’s not around in 1927 okay) inhumane treatment of not just grindelwald but apparently all the prisoners and animals we keep in cages (i know our prison system is inherently terrible i’m very aware) but to transport him like a paralyzed stroke victim drooling to a thestral carriage on a Dark And Stormy Night really just is lazy writing on why we should dislike aurors without giving anyone a plot, dialogue, or exposition

- this guy who has been posing as Grindelwald....since the beginning? since when? they cut out his tongue?? but then? it’s just forked? there’s magic? like? could they grow the tongue back?? they can regrow bones in harry’s arm but okay

- this thestral carriage chase scene is really CGI explosion heavy turned actioned film and mostly consisted of me being like what. what. WHAT. wait what. wait who is that. what. why wouldn’t he just disapparate. what happens to these thestrals. okay. what. grindelwald can just dissolve wands since when can people do that why didn’t voldemort do that why didn’t harry do that this presents problems

- okay look david yates and co. you had this incredible opportunity to create an entire wardrobe of WIZARD FASHION in THREE COUNTRIES, most notably the fashion capitol of the world and what did you do you put every single person in trench coats and random muggle garb. Also, not even cool wizard hats. No. Just muggle bowlers and mobster hats.

- Does Newt have a job. If so, what is it? How can he pay for this lovely house with magical modifications? Don’t you have to get a contractor to put that in? Did he do it himself? How does he pay Sad Girl In Love With Protagonist tm? Does he pay her? How did they meet? Why do we never see her again?

- For a movie entitled ‘Fantastic Beasts’ we really gloss over looking at any of the in-house beasts, learning anything about them, or doing anything except a CGI palooza.

- Wow Queenie and Jacob are here ‘hope you don’t mind we let ourselves in’ ah yes rude american trope again. who on earth would do that. also this entire time jacob acts like a goon and newt is like let’s take the enchantment off and i’m like hi that’s hella nonconsensual you’re basically raping and kidnapping him and jacob is somehow okay with this. newt is somehow okay with this. 

- ‘please don’t read my mind’ um dude you’re talking AT her??? 

- movie glosses over how jacob got his memories back with a throwaway line of unbelievable dialogue. If obliviate only worked on bad memories, Hermione Granger really needs to go to family counseling with her parents. 

- mysterious postcard is exposition over really dumb journalism error that could have been easily fixed within seconds by sending an owl because owls don’t need addresses, something queenie conveniently forgets by not knowing how to find her sister

- queenie is a Dumb American for cheap laughs by letting a woman say something in french, laughing, and saying she doesn’t understand anything only for the droll French woman to repeat it in the exact monosyllabic voice. Apparently everyone entering/leaving a country needs to register a visa or something, which is conveniently circumvented by going through a muggle port? It’s unclear. Queenie herself does not seem to have registered.

- French Ministry of Magic is gorgeous. Has a cool roots to iron elevator. It is also probably improperly named as they put ‘American Ministry of Magic’ despite America not having ministries or ministers outside of some serious religious stuff. They put all this effort into creating MACUSA but didn’t use it.

- Is it just me or does the MoM change the interior every time I see it.

- Queenie is devastated she can’t find her sister in a city of millions despite having magic, a means of communication that is foolproof, and enough money to find a hotel and wait to meet up. Queenie is overwhelmed that other people think in their native language. Instead of finding this helpful for tuning out a crowded city (like she does on the daily in New York), she somehow finds it overwhelming even looking for Newt/Jacob. 

- Random woman is Silence In Queenie’s Head. I literally never learned who she was except Hard Bitch Kills Toddler. Or why Queenie can’t hear her thoughts. (Plot twist she’s Bella Swan).

- Toddler didn’t get his own little casket in the French mourning cart. Nice of Grindelwald to give a supposedly muggle family a funeral cart when he could have transfigured their bodies into armchairs or something. (Muggle supposed after he makes the remark about a ‘thorough cleaning.’)

- No one in Paris uses French in spellcasting. Spells are still English-based. 

- Dumbledore is a dramatic bitch for gloves and rooftops. It’s a very specific brand of Gay. 

- Don’t kill me but I don’t...hate? Jude Law as Dumbledore. He was still kind. But he wasn’t auburn and that was dumb. 

- Unclear why Jacob and Queenie have to live in shame and secret when they could move to another country especially when Jacob loves bread and would like Paris. This seems to be Queenie’s motivator which is thin as hell and I didn’t follow her ‘logic’ at all. LAZY WRITING.

- Queenie immediately doesn’t disapparate upon seeing Grindelwald. Queenie somehow gets into this rhetoric. Later Queenie does not get disgusted with apropos wizard-Hitler being like ‘they are lesser beings’ and she, who wants to marry one, is like ‘yeah they totally are because I’m basically Jacob’s mom.’ 

- Grindelwald, in addition to being played by Johnny Depp, is albino, has one mutilated eye with a bad color contact clearly visible in multiple scenes, and is British when it is specifically stated he went to Durmstrang and was expelled for Dark Magic (at Durmstrang, which is noted for its Dark Arts program). As an allusion to wizard-Hitler, I always inferred that Grindelwald was German or Austrian. 

- Wow Paris street magic carnival gave me LIFE and WOW and MAGIC feels. I loved the ducking through the barrier. 

- Weird freakshow circus gets blown apart but Newt only manages to catch one creature that is helpfully foreshadowed it can leap Paris in a single bound. It is a Chinese creature when no mention of Chinese magic, Chinese handlers, or any sort of Asian magic is referred to (except in the cringe-worthy case of the ‘South Asian blood curse of Nagini’ which is a whole other can of worms). In all likelihood, as China is one of the oldest civilizations, their magic and dragon worship would be more paramount. China cat’s serious Great Beast’s weakness is a cat toy. 

- Why is Nicholas Flamel....like that. Sure he’s like 600 years old but (a) is Jacob literally breaking his hand what the hell, (b) as much money and life as you could want does that mean he has to be like 100 years old forever that sucks that’s not even worth being immortal. (c) Where’s his wife. (d) When he goes to battle I thought he’d drink some elixir and be young again but...no.

- Nagini has no purpose in this movie other than to be snake slave and love interest and run around in a circus outfit with tits out bra off. She did not do a single useful thing.

- Wait I’m sorry WHAT you can like...fuck house elves now?? There are half-elves? How....you know what no thanks I don’t want to know.

- Credence, despite the last movie setting up an obscurial as like a suicide bomb, can relatively control mega destruction now and get back into his body fairly easily. No one even wonders why this lacemakers roof apartment exploded.

- Are he and Nagini in love? Are they escaped carnival freak bros? Why isn’t Nagini heading for the hills? She literally has no personality of her own at all.

- Paris is suspiciously white in this film. Especially for the 20s art renaissance. 

- I don’t know why Credence falls into Orphan Must Know Parentage Trope because it’s really overused and boring. And frankly the superfluity of ravens was really beating me over the head. Credence can like...do anything. He could get some money and go to a wand shop. He could just...disappear. I don’t know why he has to be so easy to track.

- By the way who is this weirdo tracking him for Grindelwald/the ministry. It’s very unclear. I never got his name. It’s probably one of the many death eater names they throw in to make sure you know these families great-grandparents are also running around being evil instead of, you know, regular people doing it. So he could be Travers. I guess. LAZY WRITING. 

= Now is a special segment on Hogwarts = 

- The layout of Hogwarts changes every time I see it. Why are the classrooms always different. Why would the wood still have carvings. Why is there a bridge over this lake which is different than the covered bridge leading towards the Forest that Harry and Lupin have a Serious Chat on. 

- YOU CANNOT APPARATE IN HOGWARTS GROUNDS. And don’t you try to tell me Dumbledore instituted that because it’s directly stated in Bathilda Bagshot’s Hogwarts, A History as being a longstanding charm with muggle repelling. 

- Everyone apparates onto the bridge and walks through the castle without anyone bothering them into the correct classroom right away?? Like did they get a copy of the teaching schedule? Did Peeves show them?

- Dumbledore did NOT teach DADA. Dumbledore taught transfiguration. He was still teaching Transfiguration when Tom Riddle went to school. So if Dumbledore is teaching Transfiguration, Minerva McGonagall would not be at Hogwarts because she taught transfiguration after Dumbledore. Pretty sure mcgonagall was too young in 1927 to be a professor. LAZY WRITING. 

- Just looked it up. Pottermore (official JK writing, btw) states that Minerva McGonagall was born in 1934. So she’s officially negative 7 years old and a professor. That’s GOT to be a record. Poor Rowan Khanna will never beat preconception tenure.

- Despite me being ecstatic to hear/see a young McGonagall, the camera never held still long enough for me to see a young McGonagall. Any far away shots only demonstrated despite this being 1920s, she was still dressing in the 1890s. McGonagall, despite the obvious laughs it was going for, would never use magic against a student.

- Haha this dumb neanderthal student is Grandpa McClaggen. 

- Dumbledore, being known for wearing really flamboyant robes, dresses in conservative three piece suit. 

- Why would you not go home for the holidays when you have to take care of a baby raven you can just put it in a box or your pocket for christ’s sake you’re carrying like 6 niffler babies at one time but you never even show them again

- Will say that young Newt’s casting is A++

- WHY ARE THE UNIFORMS NAVY BLUE. WHY DO THEY WEAR RED TARTAN SKIRTS. WHY DO THEY HAVE PHD EMBELLISHMENTS ON ACADEMIC REGALIA? Why do they have colored hoods when the original films (and books to boot) say all black robes. Why are these robes not even proper wizarding robes but just like...cambridge robes. 

- To be honest this boggart lesson is like?? insane?? how did it last for 70 years it’s honestly so unethical and cruel. I’ve ALWAYS thought this even reading it for the first time in POA I was like “people’s worst fears are spiders and mummies?” like my greatest fear even at 12 was people I love dying. The fact that Newt is more scared of a desk than Theseus dying is weird.

- “I don’t want to talk about my boggart” Leta LeStrange means there was an Incident where Dumbledore realized that some students don’t have Great Home Lives and yet persists in this lesson for the next 70 years knowing that multiple kids are going to have their parents abusing them as their greatest fear. 

- Corvus, as a name, just means Raven. How stupid. “Is your house crest a raven?” “Yes. Also my brother. Like if you were named Badger McHufflepuff.” “Oh don’t worry my name is just Lizard Lizard.” “Cool."

- No background or even hints at future background (e.g. they haven’t written it yet) on why Leta gets with Theseus even after the first film where he has a picture of Leta in his suitcase. 

- Theseus and Newt have no screen time interaction. They do not behave like brothers. They have no flashbacks. Even young Newt never interacts with his brother. There is no realism here that Newt says they have a complicated relationship or is annoyed by his brother. This exposition is just lazy writing with nothing on screen to back it up. 

- So you’re telling me Dumbledore had the mirror of erised for SEVENTY YEARS and yells at harry for looking in it for three nights. How did Dumbledore not go mad? Where did he get it? I feel like 70 years is a long time to have it. 

- I guess when you think about it yeah being 40 in the 1920s does put you on the mark to be 110 when Harry meets you but fuck the books did NOT explain HOW OLD Dumbledore was to me I always thought he was like hale and sprightly 70s/80s

- Okay so you’re looking in the mirror and going to just BRAZENLY FLOUT CANON and say his deepest desire looking in the mirror is to relive the memory of the blood oath? That’s exposition. That’s a memory. That’s a pensieve not a mirror. Your greatest desire has ALWAYS BEEN saving Ariana. And even if it was loving Grindelwald this is your GREATEST DESIRE like being together not reliving a blood oath just for the sake of audience explanation. LAZY WRITING. 

------ Back to other rants

- Most of this movie was me squinting being like ‘what’s the plot??’ and if there was a whiff of plot (”we all have to find credence’s birth records!”) most of it was me being confused “why does this matter?” “how did they all get there?”

- The confession of Newt trying to talk to Tina in the records room was painful. Not cute. Not even funny. Just so painful. It was like secondhand embarrassment but like...pity embarrassment. 

- I don’t know why Grindelwald has a map of a Parisian cemetery. I don’t know why he had to give it to Credence except as a big reveal. I don’t remember how Queenie got there. I genuinely DO NOT understand how Jacob got there much less passed through to the secret wizard place as a muggle. 

- No idea why the records lady was attacking them when Leta checked in twice (once as Tina). NO CLUE why they were the worst animated cats of all time or why they became multiple cats or even why when taken out of the French records they became even worse animated ‘real’ cats when they could have just used real cats. The entire chase scene was baffling and unnecessary. The records lady was not an agent of Grindelwald so no idea what’s up with her bee in the bonnet sorry for wrecking all your shit bye.

- I saw this movie less than an hour ago. I’m still confused how Leta, Newt, and Tina all teamed up or why they were cool teaming up or what. 

- This mausoleum has a Greek hellenistic statue of a man reclining for no apparent reason and these shelves are supposed to bear ashes right so why are you putting a dumb pop up book there. Why would Grindelwald’s agent remove the record in drag as an old lady? It was weirdly unnecessary. 

- Yosef’s exposition on how a white man literally imperiused and raped his mother was like WOW NO ONE IS GONNA EVEN TOUCH THAT???? and then for her to die in childbirth it’s like...my dudes wizards have cured so many diseases muggles haven’t you know they’re up there inventing the c-section with Julius Caesar and accio’ing babies out of utero like ‘gimme that catcher’s mitt she’s fully dilated.’ This whole “oh it was the 1900s” nonsense does NOT apply to magic. LAZY WRITING. 

- I immediately forgot what happened to Corvus’ mom. but whatever right? she’s just a disposable woman! this movie does NOT care about consent! much less women! haha they’re just flowers!

- ‘I killed my brother’ yeah i mean we saw that coming she was REALLY SURE he was dead. But I was 90% sure it was going to be a child accident like dropping him down the stairs or shaking him too hard to get him to stop crying and then swapping him with a live baby but no? so i don’t know i feel like you didn’t really kill him.

- this steamer going down is confusing. is it a muggle ship? if it’s a muggle ship than is Credence swapped a baby with...a muggle born wizard? Are their other wizarding families on the ship? If so then why did they drown? you can all magic out of there? your lifeboat wouldn’t go down? why even take a steamer ship to america? you can...apparate or portkey or floo or fly like this titanic nonsense makes NO SENSE. And if Papa LeStrange hates muggles so much why put his only children on an all muggle ship with a half elf (again why) who can’t do magic to protect them

- Finding Credence’s identity REALLY doesn’t need to revolve around the LeStrange’s sordid past. Steamer ships keep passenger logs. So. We really should leave the mausoleum now to go find that. 

- Yosef took an unbreakable vow to kill this white baby and it’s dead so is he released? He was released like...20 years ago. Why does he continue to hang out with these people? Your endless vengeance has rested? No need to team up with the sister you never knew? apparently (their family dynamic was also poorly/not explained). 

- Why is this mausoleum an underground amphitheater. Literally why it makes no sense. Is it supposed to bring up the first David Yates film OotP? I don’t know. It also has a lot of blue fire and people rapturing the fuck out of there (literally when did apparating involve staring up at the sky and blasting off in rocket smoke). Also in re this movie how can you be tracked after apparating (Newt/Dumbledore’s tail). 

- So if you touch this curtain do you automatically teleport to this amphitheater. Also what if you touched it by accident and were like OH SHIT HOW DO I GET OUT. Like wow this guy wasn’t kidding when he said there’s no wizard that can match him magically. This is like Charles Xavier Magneto Level 1 Mutant Power kind of shit. Not even Voldemort could do that. Big Power Too Big trope. Again. How did Jacob even GET there. 

- Johnny Depp wears leather pants. Costume department, get your act together.

- Grindelwald, continuing to be British, shows clips of the Great War, approx 1914-1918. While the tanks and biplanes were appropriate, there were also lines (assumingly?) to concentration camps and the nuclear bomb of Hiroshima, which wouldn’t take place until 1945. So is Grindelwald also a prophet? Is he a seer? They kept referencing this book of poems and prophecy but without letting us see it? it went along with my general ‘I’m getting the gist of this but not really the why because it doesn’t make sense.’ And then Grindelwald rumor mongers and uses fear tactics when one of the police aurors straight up KILLS A WOMAN like wow can we cool it with use of force/police brutality is this guy going to get written up or is he fire now? 

- Ethnically ambiguous Grindelwald supporter (only person of color) gets immediately incinerated for not being 100% sure of his side. When Credence feels the same way, he gets a couple of gifts. 

- Look, I didn’t start this way but I stan Leta LeStrange. She was honestly one of the only people and the only woman in this film with a personality. 

- Queenie stands still as weak, silly, expositional, dumb American. For those of you about to be like ‘She’s spying on Grindelwald! She’s the greatest legilimens that ever lived!’ I just want to beg you to reconsider because if you’re right and if the writers get wind of that you know they’re going to have her like teach little Tom Riddle something just BECAUSE everything has to connect. 

- Poor Jacob he seems okay with being stranded in another country. Is his bakery okay? Do his friends know he isn’t dead? He is super super super brave throughout this movie despite his main comedic strength in the other movie being nervous. But this time he’s like meh firefights and large monsters.

- Credence I understand going over. Nagini continues to not be a character and did not go with Newt and Crew. 

- Wasn’t even sad for Theseus because again, Theseus had little to no character development except being a Whipping Boy to authority. Theseus and Leta never interacted in any meaningful way. Their relationship didn’t even seem real. I wasn’t even sad.

- I feel like Leta isn’t dead though because who the fuck else is carrying this LeStrange line to give birth to Rabastan and Rodolphus. 

- At this point everyone apparates AGAIN to Hogwarts. This time I guess a ghost went and alerted Dumbledore because he’s waiting. But yeah like come on in for tea Newt but fuck all those kids they can wait here. 

- What is this plot?? Is there a plot?? What is going on??

- Who gives someone a wand like this hi I hid it up my sleeve touch me my boy I long for your touch.

- This is a phoenix, not a Raven. Newt is a sad ordinary bird but you’re a bright beautiful phoenix. Apparently phoenixes can grow up in ONE DAY. Foreshadowing Dumbledore is foreshadowing. LAZY WRITING this is so stupid. The books would have been EXPLICIT about a fourth child. 

- Maybe he’s a cousin. Close relative, perhaps? *Pleakley voice*

“He hasn’t got a brother?” 

Dobby shook his head. 

Literally where I’m at right now. 

- ABRUPT ENDING IS ABRUPT I didn’t even realize this was the end of the film because the score, cinematography, and writing did NOT cue me that this was winding down. I literally was like ‘how long does this last’ and then it was like DAVID YATES. Okayyyyyyy. 

- Anyway my sum feeling upon the lights going on was: what the fuck. was there a plot. there were so many loopholes. i was confused about many things almost the whole time because nothing was fleshed out and if they threw enough CGI at me I’d be patched up. 

Final rating: It matches up pretty well to the middle film of The Hobbit trilogy. 

[incorrectsanders]

What Pride Month Means to Me

I’m going to diverge from incorrect quotes for a post to share this experience with all of you since it’s pride month and that’s really important to me.

I have always been vocal about LGBTQ+ rights. I remember once in kindergarten my teacher told two boys they couldn’t hold hands and be boyfriends. We were at that age that giving kisses on the cheeks and calling each other boyfriends and girlfriends was becoming common practice. The problem was that I lived in BFN Texas with small minded people who couldn’t let children develop such *dangerous* habits. My response to her statement? I threw a mega blok at her head and screamed “THEY CAN DO WHAT THEY WANT”. 

Why was my reaction so strong? Well, on record I lived with my mom, her roommate and her roommate’s son. Really, I lived with my two moms and my older brother.

Personally, I’m straight. I’ve never faced first hand discrimination for my sexuality. But, when I had two moms (they’re separated now) I watched the discrimination they faced on a daily basis. They couldn’t get married, instead they had to have a “commitment ceremony”. We got turned away from almost every house we tried to buy because no one wanted to sell or rent to gay women. They had to hide their relationship from their bosses, from their extended families. My mothers family cut her off because she came out. 

I was born in California. We moved to Texas when I was three and my brother was eight. We moved back to California when I was six and he was eleven. The discrimination didn’t change much between the two areas. In fact, it might have just been because I was older and more perceptive but some things got worse.  

It took us years to find a house. We finally settled on an apartment because the property manager was the sweetest woman ever and we’re still friends with her today, thirteen years later. Her children are like my babies because I’ve known them all their lives. The community was really close knit, we all knew each other and all of the kids were best friends. We used to play red rover in the park together and we’d tie together our jump ropes to make swings out of the monkey bars. 

I loved that apartment complex. No one cared that me and my brother had two moms. No one pointed out that my brother was full Mexican and therefore had darker skin than me, a half Mexican. All of the kids were friends with each other. (“You guys have two moms?” “Yeah.” “Cool! I wish I had two moms, my dad snores too loud”) We were just allowed to exist.

When I was eight we managed to find a teacher who owned a house and allowed us to rent from her. She was the sweetest person ever and she loved me and my older brother to the point where she put in requests for both of us to be in her combination class when we were in 5th and 6th grade (She didn’t get us because we were in an arts program in the school that had special, designated teachers for us. Even if we had been “regular” students though, she would have had to fight with another teacher who adored us and had provided shelter for the two of us for a solid six years when kids were being mean). 

The neighborhood wasn’t nearly as welcoming. There were only three families on our entire street that accepted us completely and didn’t refer to our home as “the gay house”. The rest of them pulled their kids in when me and my brother wanted to play, they glared at us if we were out in the front yard doing something as a family, and they even called the police a few times when we were having parties because we were ‘too disturbing’. (Literally all we were doing was playing Payaso de Rodeo. “Gay and Mexican? In my Good Christian Suburbs?”)

When Prop 8 was being voted on (California’s legislation on gay marriage, circa 2008, that is ridiculous please watch this AD if you have a minute https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PgjcgqFYP4), a man that lived in the house on the end of our street smirked at me and my brother, who were peacefully riding our bikes, as he sunk a big ‘ol “Yes on 8″ sign into his lawn. Ten year old me and my fifteen year old brother snuck out of the house at eleven o’clock at night, ran down the street, and stole the sign. I said our family faced discrimination, I never said we didn’t fight back. 

As for school, my brother and I were constantly referred to as the two kids with the “lesbo moms”. That is an actual expression I heard from kids my age many, many times. People constantly asked me if I was gay (“No” “But you have two moms...” “And?” “So you have to be gay!” “Says who?” “Your brother is gay!” “Okay, if your brother was gay would that make you gay?” “No!” “Well then *jazz hands sarcastically*”) I didn’t have many friends because children didn’t feel comfortable around me since they knew I had two moms. Many of the friends I did manage to make weren’t allowed to be friends with me once their parents found out that I had two moms. Kids used to laugh at me because I would ask my teachers if I could make two mothers day crafts. (I eventually cried about this to my step mother. Me and her did not get along and even now I don’t like her very much but there are a few precious moments I look back on. One of them is her hugging me, stroking my hair and telling me mothers day could be my mom’s day and fathers day could be her day)

I didn’t meet my Dad until I was nine. Two weeks after I did meet him, he dragged me to church with him and had his priest talk to me. I distinctly remember sitting in his office and playing with my little coin purse that my step mom brought me back from Guadalajara (another one of the precious moments) while the priest told me that I needed to ostracize my mom and move in with my Dad who I barely knew. If I did that and had my First Communion then I could hope that my soul would be saved. 

I was nine.

(Another one of those precious moments was when I came home that day crying and my step mom wrapped me in a blanket and she told my mom that my Dad was not on my birth certificate and if I didn’t want to go back then I didn’t have to)

That tainted religion for a long time for me. It wasn’t until freshman year when I started meeting people who were vocal about both religion and social rights that I started to believe that all religious people aren’t bad. 

Pride parades were always a break from the harsh reactions of others. Every year my mom and step mom would take me and my older brother and they would throw beads and candy and flags and all sorts of things at us off the floats (Condoms too, sometimes. Cue the awkward conversation between me and my brother “Bubba, what’s this?” “A BALLOON *grabs it and chucks it away*” “Nooo, I want the balloon!!”) People would get excited when they saw us as a family. I had a rainbow glass pendant that a vendor gave me because she thought I was adorable with my little rainbow flag and rainbow crocs. June makes me happy because it reminds me of all of those wonderful people who were so accepting and just wanted to have a loving space for a while. 

LGBTQ+ Rights are important to me even though I’m not a part of the community. I speak up. If I hear someone being put down for any reason I speak up. All through middle school and high school I had amazing groups of friends who were largely LGBTQ+ or POC or just “outcasts” that banded together and protected each other. 

I watched discrimination for years. I saw the effect that it had on my moms and as the “kids with the two moms” my brother and I felt the discrimination second hand.

Despite the distressing times and the othering my family often faced when we were still whole, I could have never asked for a better way to grow up. It made me more accepting and loving. (In 7th grade, a friend of mine came out to the school as transgender. None of us really knew what that meant. Others were rude. I simply walked up to him and asked “What does that mean?” “It means I’m a boy inside.” “Oh! Okay, do you want me to start calling you ‘he’?” “Yes, please!” “And should we still call you Dani?” “Yeah, but can you spell it with a y now?” “Okay!”) 

Content like what Thomas and his friends produce makes me extremely happy. They’re not afraid to be themselves and that is lovely. No one should be afraid to be themselves.

Pride month means a lot to me, even though I myself am not part of the LGBTQ+ community. I hope everyone has a lovely one. If you read through this all, thank you. Now, back to the content you followed for!

Happy Pride, everyone. 

[ick25]

Rockman.EXE Episode 22 Review.

I have a bad feeling about this episode.

A VERY bad feeling.

We start the episode... with a clock?

Nope, this is Enzan and Blues’s probability of success.  A 97.4% chance of winning in their battle against Rockman.

Are you crazy?! If you do that the whole show will be over!

Enzan and Blues are training for their battle against Netto and Rockman, how can I tell?

A fake Rockman appears only for Blues to slice him, this was cutted out from the american dub, in case kids get confused over this, I guess. Anyway, this scene was played out of order to start the episode with Netto and Rockman’s next scene. 

After the title card we find Netto somewhere outside the dome watching the sunset (and some weird looking CGI seaguls) with Rockman.

This is followed by this adorable moment!

SO CUTE!!!!

But the beautiful moment is interrupted by their friends.

Masa, Miyuki, Saloma, Higure, Mariko, Tohru, Dekao and Meiru appear to cheer for Netto, as well as their respective Navis in the cyberworld for Rockman.

Nobody thinks it’s strange that Sharkman just happens to be there without Commander Beef around? Speaking of Navis without their operators, Yaito isn’t there either.

We cut back to Enzan and Blues leaving for the match, and we see that he was using a training machine inside his very own trailer.

As he leaves his trailer, he sees Yaito running towards him.

She then runs away, only for her to stop and turn around again.

What was that all about?! Just a scene with Yaito acting like a tsundere? This entire scene was cut out from the dub for some reason.

After this, Enzan still wonders about the 2.6% of losing as the scene fades to the tournament, with Midorikawa and Higure-san ready to begin the much anticipated final match.

There is a completety different atmosphere going on as the arena slowly reveals the two challengers rising from the floor.

Everyone awaits the final battle of the tournament, even the World Three operators have a moment to talk about it before the match.

Have we forgotten that you tried to KILL Netto before?! Why are you smiling?!!!

Not only the World Three operators, but Dr. Wily is looking foward to the battle so he can finally see which Navi has the Ultimate Program he so desires.

I’m curious to know what he will do once he finds it.

The match begins, both Navis are plugged in and Rockman starts the battle with a cutted shot of him firing his Rock Buster at the screen.

These shots of Rockman firing his Buster at the screen are always cutted from the american dub.

Blues avoids his shots and attacks with an Aqua Sword, only for Rockman to avoid it by jumping and landing on a pillar.

Blues attacks again with such force that he slices the pillar in half.

At the same time the pillar falls, Meiru and Dekao feel a tremor from their seats, implying that the force of the pillar falling has an effect on the real world. Naturally, this isn’t confirm, but as the battle continues, something seems wrong with the underwater structure of the dome.

The workers detect this, and while they try to find a solution, inside the cyberworld we see a new mysterious Navi waking up.

We return to the battle with Rockman jumping on the pillars so fast that I could barely catch him on screen, and he shoots at Blues who deflects them with his sword.

“They said you have a 2.6% chance of winning, but I doubt you’re that lucky”

Netto starts sending his Mini Bomb chips like a pro, overwhelming Blues with the explosions.

This is followed by Meiru telling Dekao that Netto’s slot in movements have become smoother after practicing for the Program Advance so many times.

After the smoke from the Mini Bombs clears out, Rockman sees that Blues isn’t there anymore, he turns around to see that Blues is behind him, all of this while Enzan talks about how lame Netto’s PET is.

Didn’t YOUR company developt the PET? Yours being red doesn’t make it any different.

Blues does the same swing from before, only this time his attack somehow turns into a giant tornado that moves towards Rockman.

“2.6 % my... WHAT?!”

I like how Rockman is panting after avoiding it.

“You’re not my mom! She doesn’t even care about me enough to be here!”

The battle continues, Enzan sends a Flame Sword to Blues, and Netto sends the Elec Sword to Rockman leading to an amazing sword fighting animation.

But the scene is followed by more underwater supporters breaking and the entire dome begins to fall apart.

NOW THEY STOP THE MATCH! WHERE WERE THEY WHEN THE DOME TURNED INTO A GIANT OVEN BACK IN EPISODE 13?!

The entire Mega-Float is sinking, how exactly? Yaito explains that to Masa-san.

Thanks, Yaito.

Everyone evacuates the tournament before and after commercials. Wow, that’s a lot of people.

Our trusty Net Agents make sure everyone runs away, but shouldn’t they be telling people to stay calm and evacuate in an orderly fashion or something like that? Are the people in Japan this disciplined?

Ha ha. XD

 But wait, if the World Three isn’t behind this, then who is?

Everyone seems to have made it to the mainland safely, because the bridges soon begin to go down.

The N-1 bridge is falling down, my fair lady.

So just like in the game, the final battle of the tournament had to be posponed. I guess we’ll never get to see who is stronger.

Damn it.

The anime differs from the game again, because Netto and Enzan are too stubborn to leave and save their lives! And it turns out that they are not the only ones who stayed behind.

Even in a death threatning situation you can’t shut up, can you Midorikawa?

Don’t encourage him! There is a difference between being brave, and being stupid!

Anyway, the battle continues with Rockman and Blues still sword fighting, with the same animation from before. Meiru, after learning that Netto is still there, decides she can only do one thing, cheer for him, with the others slowly joining in.

Since she sucks at operating she has to be good at cheering for the hero.

We get a new cool animation of Rockman and Blues still sword fighting, only this time making things intense by making Rockman having his cheek scratched, which was cutted from the dub.

Did Rockman try to cut his head off? That’s hardcore.

The intense sword fight ends when Blues manages to push Rockman into a pillar, but our blue heroe wont give up so easily.

They then begin to race eachother when suddenly, they transform into energy and start fighting as ligth orbs.

I can’t make this up. What does it even mean? Is it a way of making the battle seem even more intense?

One last collision from the two orbs creates a powerfull light that covers the whole arena, the light can even be seen from outside.

I still don’t know what’s going on. Can someone explain?

... THAT DOESN’T EXPLAIN ANYTHING!!!

Netto is ready to win for everyone, Enzan finally understands why Rockman and Netto are so strong, it’s because he is fighting for all of his friends who are cheering for him, will understanding this help him get the upper hand?

One last collision ends with Rockman flying towards a pillar for the second time.

The dome is still falling apart, even worst than before, a boulder falls next to Netto with a piece from it cutting his cheek.

SOMEBODY GET THESE KIDS OUT OF THERE! Don’t they realized they’re in danger?!

The time has come to make things even more intense by having a double Program Advance.

For some reason the program advances colission turns into a glowing sword fight that ends in a huge explosion.

After the smoke dissipates, we get a stand off between Blues and Rockman, one of them falls over and a countdown begins from out of nowhere.

The countdown was cut to five seconds in the dub.

You don’t need a dramatic reveal to see that the Navi that fell was Rockman.

But we get one anyway.

Rockman pants heavily on the ground (with a coloring error) and the match finally ends with Blues as the winner.

Netto jumps over the battle machine to go to his fallen partner and we get the second most adorable scene from this episode.

Awww.

And the moment is ruined by Masa and Higure crying as well.

Why was this last shot cutted? I honestly dont know.

Blues helps Rockman up as he tells him that he gave him a great battle.

*Sighs* However... Tragedy strikes.

Rockman senses an attack heading for them and quickly tackles Blues out of the way, with the attack piercing through his body. Complete silence from everyone as Rockman says one last thing before his data begins to dissapear.

Rockman is deleted, leaving Netto in shock.

The attacker then reveals itself before Blues as Pharohman.

Pharohman attemps to delete Blues as well by destroing the entire battle field, but Enzan manages to plug him out just in time.

The entire tournament has finished sinking into the ocean, and Dr. Wily, somehow, was able to keep watching the tournament after everyone had evacuated. Did the cameramen stayed behind too?

As Wily starts laughing, we see that everyone who stayed behind was rescued by some helicopters.

Including Masa who is carring Netto. Netto is still in shock as his PET confirms that Rockman has been deleted and he ends the episode screaming at the sky.

My thoughts?

WHYYYYYYYYYYYY???!!!!

This episode traumatized me, I couldn’t believe they killed off Rockman (even knowing he was gonna return later since he is the main character). The entire episode was stressfull, not knowing who was gonna win, and seeing the place litteraly falling apart around them, but the biggest shock of all was Rockman’s sudden deletion, especially in front of Netto. The way Rockman was deleted was harsh and so sudden, there was no time to react.

The dub cut the parts where Rockman and Netto get their cheeks scratched and also changed the order of the first two scenes. Since they cut out the part where Blues slices a fake Rockman and Yaito’s tsundere moment, they decided to merge the two clips, making it look like Enzan just had a talk with Blues before heading to the arena.

Rockman’s final words were also changed in the dub to keep the lip synking, instead of saying his operator’s name, he says “De-le-ted” as if it was something Navis automatically say before dissapearing.

Enough of this, let’s lighten the mood. Like I mentioned before, the N-1 Grand Prix finals in the third game had to be posponed, it was interrupted by a member of the World Three, who was also the producer of the tournament. He wanted to send a message to everyone by taking Enzan’s father hostage since IPC was the sponsor. During Enzan’s confrontation with the World Three operator, Netto breaks in and knocks the operator unconscious by throwing his PET at him. I am not kidding.

This part always makes me laugh. XD

[nekoladyproductions]

Pacific Rim 2: Uprising Thoughts and Feelings (Spoilers)

First thing off the bat: not nearly as good as the first film but I don't judge things based off of it's predecessors. I like to watch things as individual movies due to a number of reasons, one of them being so I don't overhype myself and end up hating a franchise because of one product not living up to par. Okay? Cool.

I want to get the cons out of the way first because that's the easy part. The look of the film is not nearly as impressive as the original, which is strange considering the previous film came out half a decade earlier. The colours don't pop as much and the camera work has lots left to be desired. There were strange zooms and pans that didn't work out for the movie and made some serious scenes not so serious due to the strange camera work. Most of the time, however, it wasn't interesting at all.

Not enough kaiju. Like. Three kaiju. And a mega kaiju. How dare.

Too many characters I don't care about. Like the nerd kid who died. I don't even remember his name outside of "Boob Job Kid" because his father is a plastic surgeon and the fact that people will proceed to call the movie racist because he was the only Indian recruit. 😐 (Sucks he died though because he was a cute character regardless, even though it was hella obvious he was going to be the one to go down because of how wimpy he was and some foreshadowing.) There's also Vik, a hard ass girl who's friendship works like brawling in Skyrim and who coincidentally looks like my ex girlfriend and has the same haircut. A bunch of others too idgaf. They should have stuck with Jake, Nate, Amara, Shao, Hermann, and Newt. Those were the ones who mattered, not the bajillions of other characters.

I do not judge a movie based on special effects, and here's why: it does not impede my overall enjoyment of a movie. I am a fan of old movies with practical effects, and most of the time, even though real materials were used, they look fake, and most of the time faker than CGI. I also watch almost exclusively animated films, which aren't realistic looking at all. Movies, especially ones that do not take place in our reality (Nightmare on Elm Street, Marvel, etc) cannot look like real life no matter what you do, so I find it tiring whenever someone complains about the graphics. I care about immersion with characters and writing. The visuals are only there to represent objects and creatures. I have never, and will never, judge a video game by it's graphics nor will I for a movie unless it is something along the lines of The Amazing Bulk, in which they didn't put any effort in at all. The CGI was not a problem for me, nor did it put me out of the film.

...

Except for one occassion, when Newt was looking out onto the drones and the camera panned out. It looked very out of place and that was jarring for me, but that was the only instance of the visuals in the CGI department pulling me out. Everything else looked fine to me. Then again, I might be biased because I enjoy much more rough looking films. I don't like too much polish.

The pacing, however, was hot garbage. The action scenes were perfect but everything else was... Not. The kaiju didn't come in until much later. Normal scenes were either too long or too short, and all scenes that were meant to be emotional were much too fast, like with our two gay science buddies and the family getting crushed. Like, bro. With the timing and look of the scene it was borderline comedic.

---

The characters are weaker here, I am not going to lie. Hermann, Shao and Amara are the only good guys with motivations that are easy to follow through without any confusion. Jake isn't a very good protagonist. A lot of his story is quite vague, and his past with Nate is fuzzy and possibly homoromantic if you "turn your head sideways and squint". Amara is a young girl of roughly 15 who labouralsy built her own mini Jaeger called "Scrapper", and became involved in the training program after being caught by the cops for building an unregistered Jaeger. She built the Jaeger because she had a hunch that the kaiju would come back. I mean, being 5 years old and watching your entire family getting stomped on by some macro scalie's wet dream would make anyone paranoid of another attack coming.

I'm gonna get this out of the way; the Jaegers were not used for normal civilian police work as I've seen at least one Tumblr user put it. That is ridiculous. The only logical way to stop a Jaeger is with a Jaeger. The one time saw the blue beauty bot come out to play is when Scrapper was found by the cops and tried to escape detainment. The drones were also being placed on military BASES around the world in case of another kaiju or more homemade Jaegers started popping up, not to flatten a robber or punt a rogue helicopter in Saudi Arabia.

Back to characters.

Gottleib isn't a fucking mechanic/chemist. Like, I get it. They needed someone who worked closely alongside Newt after he went corporate, but Hermann even said life science isn't really his schtick. He's many things, but that field of science was N-- ohhhhhh. Fuck. I forgot that they linked brains for a moment. Oh my god while typing this I just got smashed with a wave of fridge brilliance. Never mind.

Oh, but as I said, Hermann has motivation and is the only character outside of the main villain to be quite passionate in the movie. He was an absolute treat to see on screen, and was the true hero of the film. But that's a pro, not a con. Sorry.

There is one thing that truly upset me in the film and I am sure most of you know by now, but Mako died in a helicopter crash very early in the film before she was able to get more than a few lines of dialog. I get that they wanted a tragedy early on, but it was just so disrespectful to can one of the main characters from the previous film in such a gruesome fashion. Not to mention her message was more or less a MacGuffin to get the Gipsy Avenger to a secluded space to duke out with Obsidian Fury for that sweet, sweet tomato surprise.

The reason why the kaiju came to fuck shit up is dumb but also makes sense in a way. People have pointed out that Mt. Fuji is not the only place to get ahold of rare elements but the plan was to blow up the mountain and chain react with other volcanoes, so the logic lies that it is easier to go to a volcano that already has the minerals needed rather than meticulously searching for other places with these specific materials and then go somewhere. It wasn't specified what these materials were EXACTLY, so whether or not the monsters could have just kamakzied at Yellowstone is unknown, or rather kept intentionally vague so there wouldn't be even more plot holes added to the pile.

If you want to know what the hell I am talking about, the film explains that the Precursors sent the kaiju that teleported from the rim were all on their way to Mt. Fuiji to cause a huge volcanic domino effect, cover the earth in volcanic ash, and kill all life as we know it for the Precursors' gain, which is still largely unknown. Kaiju blood isn't just pretty, but it reacts violently with certain rare terrestrial elements and minerals. Mt. Fuji is the only place in the world that is not only an active volcano, but has such a high concentration of what the Precursors need that sending these large beasts on suicide missions will guarantee success on killing all life on the planet with as little hassle as possible. It's easier to go to a small grocery store with everything you need in one place versus going to a mall with a bunch of different stores spaced out with everything you need in different places and in different amounts.

Once again, kinda dumb, kinda generic, but it makes sense once you break it down.

---

Some are saying that the movie sucks the military's dick, and yeah I can kinda see that but not really. I might be desensitized at this point due to the sheer amount of military cock-sucking Hollywood does but I am just not seeing it here. Independence Day and Michael Bay films are super obvious with their gross idolization of American armed forces. I don't think a single, real military branch was even mentioned in the film and the fighting was controlled by some military-esque figures, sure, but the movie featured two rascals growing up to being responsible in battle. Once again I just might be desensitized at this point so if anyone has any points they want to give they can elaborate in the notes. I'm genuinely interested.

<b>Okay, now we're getting into some actual spoilers here.</b>

Shao was set up to be the villain of the film. She is a woman who owns a weapons manufacturing company that created remote controlled Jaegers that are safer for use and easier to handle. With how things were going, the film led us to believe that her company was remote controlling other decommissioned Jaegers so that hers would get approved and she gets loads of money.

H O W E V E R

When Gipsy got a hold of the rogue Jaeger, Obsidion Fury, and peeled back the helmet, it wasn't a human or a computer. It was a kaiju brain. Oh dear.

You seemed to have noticed that I haven't really mentioned Newt very much in this little thoughts and analysis. As it turns out, he's the main villain in the film, and boy is he one hell of a bad guy. Whenever he drifted with the brain in the first movie, he got a connection. Then he shared it with Hermann, making it Hermann's first time... But not Newt. In a disturbing/funny scene in the movie, we get quite the shocker. Earlier he mentioned someone named Alice, whom we assumed to be his spouse.

It was that kaiju brain. He fell under control of it.

If you recall from the first film, kaiju work as a sort of hivemind that is connected through both our dimension and theirs. Whenever he connected with it, his brain was shortly apart of the hive. His brain couldn't handle the power of the brain alone. They took him, but slowly. He kept coming back for more and more, for a reason unknown--an urge, perhaps--until he eventually lost himself to the mind and became completely under their control. Possessed, if you will.

The reason why he sold out to Shao and went away from Hermann was to get private access to powerful robots that he can personally tamper without anyone noticing. He took brains harvested and studied on by PPD and implemented them into the robots in secret so that they can destroy the Jaegers owned by PPD and revive the portal into our own world. It wasn't him. It was the kaiju.

Pretty much no one was anticipating that. Some call it stupid, I was on the edge of my seat. Newt is my favourite character from the first film and I love me some villain angst so I was satisfied.

<b>Okay, time for the pros. (Even though I cited some anyway)</b>

The action kicked all kinds of ass. It was fast paced, yet you knew what was going on which is somewhat of a rarity in modern action films. No misuse of shaky cam, no editing tricks, no seizure-inducing jumpcuts that Nolan is infamous for, no 10 million missle follow-throughs like Bay (there was one though). It was fun, it was exciting, and the only colourful moments in the film. The camera work wasn't revolutionary, but it did serve its purpose and made the last/only kaiju battle something epic.

The acting is decent. I am not sure how old the child characters' actors are, but they were good for the roles they were in. Most child actors are quite shit--not gonna sugar coat it. That's actually one of the reasons why I'm avoiding IT and A Wrinkle in Time. John Boyega was of course charming and smooth, even if his character was quite shallow. Everyone knows that Hermann and Newt absolutely stole the whole show. Their acting was marvelous! Charlie Day does very well as a villain and I hope to see him in more antagonistic roles in the future. You believed him to be evil, but not quite there. You knew that he was there somewhere, but at the same time you believe that he means business.

Oh my god, that twist! At first, you think Newt is just kinda being douchey because he got so wrapped up in money but no. Oh no. All of the weird little things, the brushing off of Hermann but still wanting to be around him just later, inviting him to see his "wife". Having little glimmers of his past self but fading away. It all makes so much sense when the reveal is dropped. He said it in a way that he tried to come off nonchalant but his voice cracked and his eyes moistened. That's good ass acting, Charlie. Holy fuck. People underestimate you, and that's a shame. The movie wanted me to believe that he was being controlled by the enemy and I did. I fucking did.

He genuinely cares about Hermann, and confirmed by Charlie he has romantic feelings for him that are reflected by Hermann. During the confrontation he was trying to stop choking Hermann, and thankfully Shao came in and broke it up before he could do any further damage. Hermann stopping Shao from killing Newt because he knows he's still there, he saw it.

The photos on the desk, the yearning, the dialogue. Ten years away. They would have been together if it weren't for those accursed aliens.

The story itself wasn't too great until it got to the third act. Everything came together and everyone brought their all for it and it showed.

Dude the DeSiGnS. Those Jaegers were so sleek, dawg! Each one was really cool! My favourite was Scrapper. Everyone says that she's just BB8 but I say that she is a reference to old-school gundam where the younger members of a team would usually have the smaller bots. A lot of those characters tend to have faster moving mechs with much more evasive maneuvers and with a cuter design. I'm sure people are associating her with BB8 because both are cute and can roll. The kaiju weren't as cool looking with the exception of the Mega Kaiju that Newt stitched together with his machines.

Ohhhhhh, yes. There's a Mega Kaiju. If there were categories in this film, it would have surpassed Category 6. Fuck me man, probably Category 8 or 9! That fucker was HUGE! AND COOL! And scary. That thing took out three Jaegers and it had to take a Gipsy nose-diving from the stratosphere and hitting direct impact to kill it. The only way that Jake and Amara survived was Shao controlling Scrapper to smash-roll them into safety.

Oh yeah. Shao is a badass. Forgot to mentionnnnn.

The music, like with every film it seems, served its purpose to get us hyped when we needed to be and cry when we needed to. I've noticed that unless your score has a different genre (John Carpenter films,) has a catchy melody (Pirates of the Caribbean, anyone?) or has unique instrumentation (anything that graces Danny Elfman's fingertips) it tends to fade out into the generic. Orchestra is fine and dandy and all, but we don't keep flicking back to video game soundtracks because of its supposed grandeur. It gets stuck in our heads, keeps us coming back. Music ties us to our souls, man! And music ties a movie together.

Generic music makes a generic film. But at least it isn't shit, or barely there. Or so loud you can't hear dialogue, another problem most films have during big scenes.

<b>In Conclusion</b>

This film is not a masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination. Most sequels aren't. This is a stepping stone movie. What's that?

A stepping stone movie is a sequel that isn't that great used to setup a bigger, better movie. This is the Iron Man 2 of Pacific Rim.

To be frank, there's a lot of similarities to Iron Man 2 in this film. Military fuckupery, evil corporate masterminds, extremists, drones. Lots of it. Even though Iron Man 2 sucks, it was the tie into Iron Man 3, arguably one of the best Marvel movies in the MCU. They are called stepping stones because most of the resources needed for the better project are used for the finale movie, but you need something to tide over the audience/help go into the other film if the plot needs some explaining to do that can't be done in one movie/set up certain things and concepts that simply cannot be done in one movie lest you want a clusterfuck a la Batman v Superman.

It isn't the greatest film, but it is not a dumpster fire either. It all depends on perspective. If you want your fancy tickled if you like stuff like Tokusatsu and action movies, go for it. If you just want a fun time, go for it. If you want to see something Pacific Rim but not something crazy good, go for it. If you are a die-hard fan, however, you may want to avoid it if you want to see it as perfect as the original. There are PLENTY of problems with the film and I understand when fans express their displeasure, but please for the love of everything lovely, do not attack others who do like the film.

Don't call them names, don't stomp on their opinions, and don't accuse them of being this or that because of two unfortunate deaths in the film involving POC with one of them being a woman. There are lots of POC in the movie and yeah it sucks that two nonwhite people died, but just remember to not immediately assume that something or someone is racist due to this. The last thing I want is someone to feel guilty by being shamed on the internet for enjoying a harmless movie that had an Asian woman and an Indian boy die in it.

<b>All in all, I give this movie 6.5 to a 7 out of 10. Not the best, not the worst. Could have been either.</b>

[that-sokovian-bastard]

Mortal Immortal (14/31) - August 14 - Avengers x Reader

Words: 1434 Pairing: Avengers x (f)Reader Characters: Bruce Banner, Tony Stark, Happy Hogan, Mentions Pepper Potts Warnings: swearing maybe Chapter Summary: Being stuck in bed is boring, so why not sleep it off if you can't do anything? But of course, your dreams only show memories from your past- this time, how you met Tony Stark. Author’s Note: This and the next few chapters are some of my favorites to have written for this. Did you see my "Flashbacks? Do you mean a one-shot in a series?" post? It was refrencing this and maaaaybe some other chapters as well. I love Tony Stark. The end.

Mortal Immortal Masterlist / Full Masterlist

Ao3 / Wattpad Links

Like yesterday, you were still stuck in bed. Bruce was unable to figure out your health patterns, and needed you to still be calm so he could try his hardest. However, unlike yesterday, you were feeling much weaker. As well as, it was a much busier day, meaning no one really came by to see you. Sure, in the morning Tony stopped by with Peter before they went to work on random things.

You figured if Bruce wanted you to stay in bed and you were feeling worse, maybe a nap would help. The fatigue effects from the Silver Shadow came at random times, so this must have been one of the times. And of course, since Tony was one of the only people you had seen before sleeping, he was clear in your mind.

You smiled wide when you watched the press conference Tony Stark held. "I am Iron Man," He spoke, getting all of the reporters to jump up and shout.

You knew he would amount to big things, and to hear he steered his company away from weapons made you happy. After hearing the death of your dear friend Howard, you knew it would be hard to approach Tony.

You were going to visit him as soon as you heard the Iron Man news, but figured it would be best to give him space. He would be bombarded with news and reporters and everyone trying to get to him, not to mention villains were around every corner. Of course, you take care of the small thieves you catch in whatever city you are in, while it seems Iron Man deals with more world threats. Which is why it would be smarter to join forces with Tony Stark- your powers should be used for something bigger than robbers, you could help Tony protect the entire world.

Finally, after nearly two years, you deemed it time to officially meet Tony. He had been revamping his company, not to mention working on Iron Man. You have been busy as well, traveling around the world working with an undeveloped part of the government.

Tony has passed Stark Industries over to Pepper Potts, and Pepper now has an assistant. "I'm here for an appointment with Tony Stark. My name is (Y/N) (L/N) and I scheduled it a few weeks ago."

The receptionist looked at her computer and nodded. "It seems you do. I'll alert him."

Only a few minutes later you headed up the elevator with a man. "Happy Hogan, correct?" You asked, and he nodded, a little uncomfortable. "Hi, I'm (Y/N) (L/N), it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Of course, you too, Miss (L/N)," The elevator stopped and Happy let you exit before he closed it again. You smiled wide when you saw Tony and walked up to him with as much confidence you could muster up.

You sat down across from Tony and reached out to shake his hand. "Hi, I'm (Y/N) (L/N)," You smiled. "I have an...interesting proposition for you," You told him, unsure how he would respond.

"What do you mean?"

"I, this is going to sound weird, I worked with your father back during the Second World War," You told Tony. He seemed very disbelieving, like you expected. He looked you up and down and furrowed his eyebrows.

"That's impossible. Most of the people who worked with my father back then are much older than you, or dead," Tony retorted. "You barely look twenty-five."

You weren't sure how to explain this, but your sass took over. "See, that's where you're wrong. I'm much older than twenty-five, but thank you."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm over 1800 years old, Tony, I'm immortal. Hence how I worked with your father, and how I appear to be merely twenty-five. It's hard to understand, and it's hard to explain. But I didn't come here just because I worked with your father, I wanted to ask about working with you- to defend the world when needed," You rambled on.

Tony sat still, staring at you in disbelief. "Look, this was great. It was a good laugh, but Miss (L/N), I do not have time for silly games. I'll have Happy show you out, thank you for stopping by," Tony ushered you out, not even giving you a chance to explain yourself.

Before you knew it, you were back to standing on the sidewalk with your arms crossed. "Fine- you want proof, proof you'll get," You rolled your eyes. You looked around for anything that could help- coming across a TV playing news, showing Tony in his Iron Man suit, flying. With quick thinking, you mimicked Tony's flight and flew outside to the floor you were previously on. Seeing Tony typing on a computer, you tapped on the glass with a smirk evident on your face.

Tony turned around to have his face turn from frustration to confusion. "What the hell?" He mumbled, and you sarcastically waved. He rushed over to the window and pushed it open for you to allow yourself inside.

"Good thing you did that because I wasn't sure how long I could have held that flight. Strange powers, and all," You shrugged. "Will you listen to me now?"

Tony nodded, actually intrigued now. You began to explain your power, the best way you could. "I can change my age, all right? That's how I look like this, and I can easily turn to be seventy-two," You paused and your age drastically changed, "Like that," And you turned back. You then explained quickly how your power resembles Darwin's theory and you can mimic another's power for a limited amount of time. Tony didn't know what to think, but he was all for working with you.

"I'll be honest, I don't know why you came to me. I don't have a team or anything, it's just me fighting off things when they come my way-"

You shrugged. "I wanted to make myself known. If you ever need help, you can call me. If I need help, can I count on you? We never know what could be coming, so we should start banding together before it's too late- right?" You offered a smile.

Tony was going to reply, but there was a knock at the door that cut him off. "Miss Rushman, not right now."

"This is by request of Pepper, Mr. Stark, it's extremely important," The door pushed open and your face lit up when you saw who walked through.

"Natasha!" You squealed. "It's been years!" You ran over and engulfed her in a hug. "What are you doing here?"

"Me? I could be asking you the same thing!" Natasha replied. Tony stood at his desk, watching the interaction with complete confusion washed over his face. She leaned in and whispered to you, just so Tony couldn't hear. "Fury sent me on a mission to investigate him for the program. That's why I'm here," She told you. "And you?"

You looked back at Tony and laughed lightly. "Trying to get him to work with me. I've done so much in this world that I'm almost sure something bad is going to happen before long. I can count on you and Clint to be there right behind me, right?"

"Of course, (Y/N)," Natasha nodded. "Now, I really need to get Mr. Stark to sign these papers for Pepper..." Natasha dragged on and walked over to Tony. "We'll have to catch up later."

Tony signed the papers without a word to "Natalie." He watched carefully as she walked out of the room and said her goodbyes to you. "You know, (Y/N), maybe you should stick around for a while."

Little did Tony know you two would grow to be best friends. You helped him when Aldrich Killian and the Mandarin threatened him, and any petty little problems. You began to work with SHIELD much more when Natasha and Nick Fury confronted Tony about the initiative for the Avengers. You got very involved with SHIELD, much more than Tony did in the beginning, it was something for you to put your focus on. You grew close with Clint and even more so with Natasha.

Tony not believing you was probably the best thing to happen to you.

Finally, the memory-dream faded to black and you fell asleep with no disruptions. Bruce monitored everything, and it was much easier when you were calmer and sleeping. He wasn't worried at first, but was much more worried when you slept nearly all day.

Maybe that's what you needed, though. Maybe you needed rest to bring your health back up.

@heyitskatrina @marvel-at-bucky@majbritsr@usualblogforanunsualblogger@chloesegalle003@221bshrlocked @this-is-moonfairy @wildberry1 @latrombone @fandomtime-123 @the-trashiest-potato @the-scarlet-letter@winterssoldierrs@bands-we-love-you-sel  @chrys-1029@iamtheonewhocares @thatweirdreadergirl@jaderz-mega-yikes@mehrmonga@xcastawayherosx@lexbugz@allertonn@erinella2656 @supernatural-36@bugalouie@marrvelle@captain-purpledino@erinella2656@lovingmytelevision@pinetree111@feelmyroarrrr@cheyennethefangirl@lovemesometimhortons@artisticgamer@messybl0g@stormyfandoms@darkangel1423@eternalanxious@protontippens@sweetdee198@yellow-cucumber2@avengemenugget@umwhatandrea@thesaraaaaahpfan@illuminatithreat3@harleyquinnandscarletwitch @theboredwriter13 @raindancer2004@chloesegalle003  @gryffinclaw-marauder @beefybuffybucky@pillow223 @thepoet1975

[tyrantchimera]

Megaman ZX: Omega theory

Clickbait version; Omega meant to be the original villain of Megaman ZX all along?? These facts will shake your beliefs to the core!

Long version? After the cut.

Okay so I’m bored and it’s about the right time of night for me to shitpost, er, theorize with some random facts, so here I go. Only I’m putting this in my queue so it’ll show up.... whenever. Lol.

My theory, and train of thought, starts with some interesting tidbits found by people on Sprites-inc. In Megaman ZX, some unused images were dug up by spriters.

At first you might think it’s just the Model O, and it is. But you need to compare it to in-game sprites before the reason it’s in the “unused sprites” section becomes apparent.

Much brighter than what we actually got, eh? And now that they’re on the same page, it’s much more apparent. It makes sense considering the context which the Model O is found in-game. It’s hidden away in an old, bizarre place (if not separate dimension altogether), probably rusted and forgotten. Small wonder too. Game-wise it’s nothing more than a cool bonus and a kickass biometal to use post-game. In fact, it’s not even canonically in-game. Or is it?

In game, Flammole has some... rather odd script when defeated.

“I see now... You weren't the one I sensed... It musta been... Model W? Or... Is it somethin' else entirely!? Aaagh!”

To quote the wiki, which may not actually be a fact, “The Biometal Flammole had sensed in Area [K] was confirmed by the Inti Creates staff to not be Model W, and that his statement was a "giveaway". This strongly hints that Flammole was sensing the presence of Omega, which is supported by the fact that Area K is located above Area N in the game map.” (the wiki actually states it as Area I at first, so therefore I’m not putting too much stock into their fact-checking).

So even if we ignore what the wiki says is true, it’s undeniable that Omega and/or biometal Model O are CANONICALLY in the ZX universe in some form or another. But why would there be two versions of the Model O spirite. The unused one, the cleaner looking one... why is it there? This brings up another question; scripting an Omega battle into ZX is one thing as a cameo. Just re-use the MMZ3 data. But in ZX, he has a different, tougher AI. Why go so far to change him as a boss? For heaven’s sakes, why give you Model O itself??That’s a lot of attacks to script and map to buttons! There’s a lot more thought into his appearance than just a last-minute cameo, and I’ll show you more evidence for this.

The data disks. Mainly, the boss Data Disks.

Data Disk B01: Rayfly

Data Disk B02: Omega

Data Disk B03: Giga Aspis

Dta Disk B04: Giro

Now, that seems really weird. Of the 16 boss data disks, Omega is... number 2?? That’s kinda early for that. It would seem that the disks certainly aren’t ordered by importance or appearance in the game, if that’s what you’re obviously wondering. In fact, Omega’s disk is numbered earlier than even Serpent’s, who has disks B05 and B06 respectively. But why is Omega smushed between two mechaniloid bosses? They’re practically minibosses? It makes no sense... until you watch the E3 trailer that announced Megaman ZX as a game.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agKnMZfvKZk

or, a gameplay trailer,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEo99IXeMZo

Rayfly and Giga Aspis both make an appearance, showcasing that they were ready to go pretty early on in development, at least in my opinion. 3/4 of the first boss Data disks show bosses from trailers, therefore presumably from early development, than.... Serpent’s just kinda oddly in there, then the rest of the other bosses in no speciic order. I can’t quite make head or tail or the reasoning why they’re ordered like that tbh.

Still. From unused Model O sprites, to Omega’s odd placement in the boss disk order, and finishing with the devil biometal itself, there’s easily something fishy going on with ZX. My personal theory is that he was supposed to be a more important villain,  a darker figure behind the scenes, or at least helping advance a villlain’s dark schemes. Obviously he’s arguably tougher than the actual final boss himself, Serpent, and perhaps that’s why he was relegated to secret superboss instead of a main story one.

Don’t blame them, really. Model O is OP.

Speaking of which, there’s some further wonkiness going on with the Biometals. Model W and some of its Mega Men, to be specific. We all know that biometals change form to suit their user (hence the differences in, say, Model H betweeen ZX and ZXA) but they never really change their powers. Unless, of course, you’re model W.

Serpent and Albert both match up Rather Nicely with how Model W should act. Staying out of reach, pelleting you with shots, not actually moving a whole lot, and just generally acting like a typical tyrant stuck on his throne. Just like Weil in MMZ4, and obviously that makes sense. That old crone shot from a distance and stayed the heck away from getting his hands actually dirty. Or, Y’know, within saber range of a pissed off Zero. Weil wasn’t stupid after all.

Then you have Pandora and Prometheus.

In your face, multiple element, variety-of-weapon attacks. Albert and Serpent both used a lot of energy shots, but weren’t apparently proficient with any actual weapons. Pandora and prometheus, on the other hand, were practically infamous for theirs. you might be abloe to say Pandora is decently in Line with a typical Model W user if not for the fact that she uses a weapon and a bunch of elements. True, the pair warp around a lot like Weil did, but thay also move about on their own.

Really, if you could compare their multi-elemental, constant assault battle style to anyone’s, it Would be Omegas. The MAJORITY of their attacks seem to be a play on something Omega and/or Model O can do. Shoooting out ice blades, attacking with aerial uppercuts and fire, electrified weapons, shots that radiate out in multiple directions... need I say more? Compare the two on your own time if you want, you’ll see what I mean.

Add to that Albert’s own Plan. His Destiny of Destruction. Let’s repeat that. A DESTINY of DESTRUCTION. Why on earth would he choose that wording? Was he making a Weil reference? He had to know something about Model W’s origins, after all. Did he really know how far the connection actually went?

Model W and Model O/Omega are inexplicably and intrinsically linked. There’s no denying it, even if none of the major villains mentioned it. Think about it. In Megaman Zero 3, Omega has three additional forms that Weil gave him. A white one, a gold one when powered up, and a giant.

Now look at the Model W ones. A white one + a giant one (serpent) and a gold one (albert) when powered up. But hey, they’re not quite in order, are they? Well... all we needed was a ZX3, and we may very well have been in order. Serpent the white, Albert the Gold, and someone else as a giant. It would have been ridiculously good, if somewhat vague themeing. For heaven’s sakes though, Albert’s and Omega’s gold colours pretty much MATCH. Purple-pink hair and gold armour? Yeesh. That must have been at least somewhat on purpose, amiright?

On top of all that, we have the area Omega himself appears in, Area N.

It’s another case of “why did the developers go to so much trouble” just for an extra boss. Why not just reuse Area M graphics? You can go with the excuse that the artists went above and beyond with the ZX graphics and backgrounds, and they really did, so we could stop with that if we wanted. Still, Area N is a little ridiculous. In fact, it even appears to bleed into and around Area M itself.

Trees turning into data? Check. Oddly geometric rock shapes? Check. Blue-green-and-in-between colour scheme? Check. If anything, it almost sems like Area N is the dominant feature in that cave, not Area M.

TL;DR: Model O’s unused sprite data, the fact that his data disk is numbered alongside trailer boss data disks, the fact that they programmed an almost entirely new Omega fight and a biometal for you to use, Albert’s Destiny of DESTRUCTION being an oddly specific word choice when you remember Model W/Weil’s history, Pandora and Prometheus’ abilities match much more solidly to the Model O than a Model W, and Area N’s design oddly overtaking Area M’s, makes me theorize that Omega would, or could, have had much more serous connotiations for the ZX canon than what he currently has, and that these connotations were planned early on.

Currently, all we know is that he cannonically exists in the ZX universe in some form or another... Athough he seems to be doing diddly squat at the moment. Spike pits suck man.

[ask-the-swapfell-crew]

Angry video game SF!sans (a transcript of a avgn episode with glitches)

*SF!sans inserts "Pac-Man" into the NES. He turns it on, but as soon as the title screen of "Pac-Man" shows up, it is messed up. SF!sans looks at it, and it cuts to several glitches like the messed up "Pac-Man" logo and the misspelling of Player into Playar. He takes out the game, blows into it several times, and inserts it back in, but sees yet another glitch, showing the ghosts names messed up. It even shows the words character and nickname misspelled. All of the nicknames seen are misspelled except for Pinky. SF!sans is surprised. It then cuts to a messed up "Pac-Man" level with a weird "Pac-Man" and weird ghosts, with one of the ghosts staying the same. SF!sans takes out the "​Pac-Man" game and throws it backwards. He then takes out another game, blows on it several times, and inserts it in into the NES. The title screen for "Super Team Games" shows up, but after a while, it suddenly glitches in some weird line style. The music also beeps. SF!sans is shocked.*

SF!sans: DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS? YOU'LL BE PLAYING A GAME, AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, IT STARTS GLITCHING UP! *SF!sans inserts "Metal Gear" into the NES, only to see the title screen messed up.*

SF!sans: OH, COME ON, METAL GEAR'S FUCKING UP NOW?

SF!sans: YOU BLOW IN THE GAME, *SF!sans blows into the game* JIGGLE IT AROUND, *SF!sans tries to use it with the toploader* USE DIFFERENT CONSOLES, BUT IT STILL DOESN'T WORK. *SF!sans tries to use it with the original NES.*

SF!sans: YOU KNOW WHEN THIS HAPPENS, THAT MEANS THAT THERE'S SOMETHING INSIDE YOUR GAME. SOMETHING THAT WANTS TO REDUCE THE GRAPHICS INTO A PIXELATED MISH-MASH OF GARBAGE. YOU'RE DEALING WITH...A ERROR.

*The Error SF!sans appears in front of a glitched image.*

Error SF!sans: *Laughing* GOOD DAY TO YOU, SANS, HOW ARE YOU? GOOD DAY SIR. AS YOU KNOW, I'M THE ERROR SF!SANS. AND, I'VE GOT GLITCHES IN ME BRITCHES FOR YOU, SANS! I'VE GOT- *starts speaking gibberish* *SF!sans gets furious.*

SF!sans: I'M GONNA LAY THE FUCK-SMACK ON YOU! YOU THINK I CAN'T STILL PLAY?

*The Error SF!sans appears again in another glitched image.*

Error SF!sans: WHICH WOULD SAY IT'S A GODDAMN LOAD HARD. ALL THE TONES, THE BROWNS, THE GREENS, IT'S JUST LIKE MOTHER NATURE. I LIKE TO BRING IT IN THE ROOM.

SF!sans: IT'S UGLY, LIKE YOUR MOM!

*The glitched image is so glitched that SF!sans dies. The Error SF!sans laughs.*

SF!sans: *angrily* You son-of-a-bitch!

*SF!sans takes out "Metal Gear", accompanied by the "Metal Gear" Game Over Music, and sees the Error SF!sans emerge from the cartridge.*

Error SF!sans: OH, TRY AND SWITCH THE GAME AS YOU MIGHT, BUT I CAN SWITCH ME GLITCHES TONIGHT!

*SF!sans throws the game, causing  Error SF!sans to fly to the left. SF!sans inserts "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!", but when it gets to the "Mike is waiting for your challenge!" screen, it turns into a glitched mess. Mike Tyson's image turns into a brownie with Tyson's black face, and the background has changed to light blue. Mike Tyson's name is also messed up. SF!sans is surprised. The Error SF!sans appears in the glitched image.*

Error SF!sans: AND HERE WE HAVE PUNCH-OUT!! WITH IRON MIKE TYSON. I JUST IRONED OUT HIS FACE.

*The camera zooms in on Mike Tyson's ironed-out face.*

Error SF!sans: How do you like that? We'll call him Shit-Faced Mike Tyson.

SF!sans: You little fuck-nugget! Get out of my game!

*SF!sans takes out the game, and blows into it. But the Error SF!sans emerges from the cartridge again, this time with a broom. SF!sans is surprised.*

Error SF!sans: Oh, you've been throwing the dust out, I spent all day trying to get it in there! Well, if you're gonna blow it, why don't you blow me?

*SF!sans blows the Error SF!sans to the left and inserts the game back in, but as soon as the match starts, it turns into yet another mess of glitches. Mac and Mario have turned into white, and Bald Bull has turned into black. The background is also mixed with blue and black. SF!sans is pissed and shocked. The Error SF!sans appears in the glitched image.*

Error SF!sans: I shit all over it, with me glitches. *smiles*

*SF!sans is angry.*I SHIT ALL OVER IT, WITH ME GLITCHES.

SF!sans: I ALMOST WONDER IF ERRORS HAD A DEAL WITH GAME COMPANIES TO SELL YOU ALL KINDS OF CLEANING DEVICES THAT YOU DON'T NEED. I MEAN, WOULD YOU REALLY NEED THIS TO CLEAN OUT A GAME? IT'S JUST AS GOOD FOR CLEANING OUT YOUR ASS!

*He takes out the game.*

SF!sans: I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO CLEAN THESE FUCKERS OUT. GET YOURSELF A Q-TIP...

*Error SF!sans is surprised.*

Error SF!sans: OH! NOT THE Q-TIP!

SF!sans: ...PUT A LITTLE CLEANING SOLUTION AT THE END LIKE THAT. YOU DON'T WANT TOO MUCH, YOU DON'T WANT TOO MUCH MOISTURE IN THE GAME.

*Error SF!sans is scared of the Q-Tip.*

Error SF!sans: KEEP THE Q-TIP AWAY! KEEP IT AWAY!

SF!sans: AND, ERROR SF!SANS, BE GONE!

*SF!sans throws the game, but  Error SF!sans lands on the floor.*

Error SF!sans: OH! YOU'RE A REAL ASSHOLE! I'LL BE BACK!

SF!sans: *sarcastically* YEAH. *normally* OF COURSE, SOME GLITCHES CAN HAPPEN BECAUSE OF PROGRAMMING ERRORS, AND CAN BE TRIGGERED ON COMMAND. SO FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO BE A ERROR SF!SANS YOURSELF, HERE'S A TRICK YOU CAN TRY AT HOME.

*Cut to "Mega Man 2."*

SF!sans: IN MEGA MAN 2, GO TO THE AIR MAN STAGE. MAKE SURE YOU'RE EQUIPPED WITH ITEM #1. NOW IT'S TIME TO FIGHT AIR MAN. BUT INSTEAD, LET'S SURPRISE THE FUCK OUT OF HIM. USE ITEM 1 TO TOUCH THE DOOR, AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

*Mega Man touches the door, and the camera then pans to the left to see a glitched up image.*

SF!sans: WOW. HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHAT IT WOULD LOOK LIKE IF THE AIR MAN STAGE AND DR. WILY STAGE, PART 2 GOT THROWN TOGETHER IN A BLENDER?

SF!sans: SPEAKING OF MEGA MAN, I HAD A UNIQUE EXPERIENCE WITH THE 5TH GAME. IT HAPPENED A LONG TIME AGO, AND I DOUBT IT WILL EVER HAPPEN AGAIN. FORTUNATELY, I HAVE THE EVIDENCE RECORDED ON A VHS TAPE.

SF!sans: IT WAS A LONG NIGHT AND I WAS HELL-BENT ON FINISHING THE GAME. I MADE IT TO ONE OF THE FINAL BOSSES. UNDER NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES, I SHOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO SEE THE GIANT PIECES THAT FLY OUT FROM THE ROBOT'S BODY, AND BEEN ABLE TO USE THEM AS PLATFORMS. BUT THE ERROR  WAS PLAYING DIRTY THAT NIGHT. HE KNEW I MADE IT FAR, AND THAT THERE WAS NO CONTINUE CODE FOR THIS LATE IN THE GAME.

SF!sans: THIS WAS MY FIRST TIME TRYING TO BEAT MEGA MAN V. SO, IMAGINE MY CONFUSION WHEN I KEPT GETTING STRUCK BY INVISIBLE OBJECTS. THE PLATFORMS WERE INVISIBLE. BUT THEY APPEARED TO BE STATIONARY ON THE ROBOT. JUST AN ILLUSION. GRAPHICAL DUMMIES MEANT TO FOOL ME AND TO SABOTAGE MY ENTIRE NIGHT'S EFFORT.

SF!sans: MY ONLY OPTION WAS TO RESET THE GAME, BUT I COULDN'T ACCEPT THAT, SO I PUSHED ON. I KEPT JUMPING AT THE AIR BLINDLY. 9 TIMES OUT OF 10, I'D GET HIT. FINALLY, AFTER MUCH PATIENCE, I GOT THE INVISIBLE PATTERN DOWN AND WAS ABLE TO DESTROY THE BOSS. AND THAT WAS A GREAT MOMENT IN GAMING HISTORY.

Error SF!sans: THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! I NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT!

SF!sans: I SHOULD GET A GOLD MEDAL.

SF!sans: Sometimes, games can be unpredictable. Cheetahmen II is a prime example where the whole game is a glitch.

SF!sans: AS ALREADY DESCRIBED IN MY CHEETAHMEN REVIEW, AFTER YOU BEAT THE 4TH LEVEL BOSS, YOU GET STUCK IN LIMBO, SO THERE'S NO WAY TO PLAY THE LAST TWO LEVELS, UNLESS BY A FREAK ACCIDENT. IF A BLUE MOON OCCURS ON FRIDAY THE 13TH AND ALL THE PLANETS ALIGN, THE GAME WILL ACTUALLY START UP ON THE MISSING LEVELS. THE FRUSTRATING PART IS THAT NOW I HAVE NO CHOICE TO PLAY IT. IT'S NOT LIKE THAT THIS IS GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN.

SF!sans: SO IT'S LIKE I GOTTA SIT MY ASS DOWN AND PLAY THE TWO HARDEST TO FIND, MOST MYSTERIOUS LEVELS IN VIDEO GAME HISTORY, IN WHAT'S ALREADY ONE OF THE RAREST GAMES IN EXISTENCE. HAR. WHAT A PRIVILEGE. OH, AND GUESS WHAT, IT SUCKS. YEAH. JUST LIKE THE REST OF THE GAME. BOTH LEVELS ARE CALLED LEVEL 3, SO THAT'S 4 LEVEL 3'S IN TOTAL.

SF!sans: THE FINAL BOSS JUST RUNS BACK AND FORTH, YOU STAND THERE, HIT HIM 'TILL HE'S DEAD, AND AFTER THAT, WHAT HAPPENS? YOU GUESSED IT. NOW, IF I EVER HAVE TO TALK ABOUT ACTION 52 AND CHEETAHMEN AGAIN, I'M GONNA STAPLE MY FUCKING PELVIS  TO THE CEILING.

SF!sans: DOUBLE DRAGON WAS A GAME I PLAYED SO MUCH, I USED TO FIND WEIRD THINGS ALL THE TIME. IF YOU TOUCH THE WALL ON THE FIRST LEVEL, YOU CAN BECOME A HUMAN ELEVATOR. AND IF YOU BRING THE WHIP UP THERE, YOU CAN DO THIS.

*As Billy unleashes the whip, he falls down backwards.*

SF!sans: CALL THEM GLITCHES OR EASTER EGGS, WHETHER INTENTIONAL OR NOT, SOMETIMES THEY CAN BE HELPFUL. DON'T FEEL LIKE FIGHTING THE BOSS AT THE END OF STAGE 2? WELL, DON'T. JUST WALK AWAY. HE DOESN'T EVEN TRY TO FOLLOW YOU AS IF SAYING, "FINE, YOU FUCKING PUSSY!"

SF!sans: TIRED OF FIGHTING THOSE BIG MUSCLE MEN? JUST CLIMB THE WALL. HE'S LIKE, "OH, FUCK THAT! I AIN'T GOING UP THERE!"

*Cut to "Super Mario Bros."*

SF!sans: PROBABLY THE MOST FAMOUS OF ALL VIDEO GAME SECRETS IS THE WARP ZONE IN SUPER MARIO BROS. IT FIRST CAME AS MILD AMUSEMENT WHEN GAMERS FOUND YOU CAN BREAK THE BLOCKS ALL THE WAY UP ON THE CEILING. THEN THE MOMENT OF DISCOVERY CAME WHEN YOU FOUND OUT YOU CAN ACTUALLY GET ABOVE THE CEILING.

SF!sans: WASN'T THAT HILARIOUS TO SEE MARIO RUNNING IN FRONT OF THE SCOREBOARD? BUT THAT WAS ONLY THE BEGINNING. IF YOU WENT PAST THE EXIT, YOU ENDED UP IN A WARP ZONE WHERE YOU CAN SKIP TO DIFFERENT WORLDS. BUT THEN, SOMEBODY WHO HAD WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS FOUND OUT THAT IF YOU BREAK SOME OF THE BLOCKS AND PERFORM A VERY SPECIFIC JUMP, YOU CAN ACTUALLY SLIDE THROUGH THE WALL.

SF!sans: THIS STILL TAKES YOU TO THE WARP ZONE JUST THE SAME, UNLESS YOU DON'T WALK TOO FAR. IF YOU JUMP INTO THE FIRST PIPE RIGHT AWAY, IT TAKES YOU TO WORLD -1. WELL, IT'S JUST AN UNDERWATER WORLD THAT REPEATS IN AN ENDLESS LOOP. THERE'S ALSO AN INTERESTING THING KNOWN AS THE DOUBLE DEATH. IF YOU DIE ON A HAMMER BROTHER, TRY PAUSING AND UNPAUSING.

*The death music starts and then repeats.*

SF!sans: LET'S CHECK OUT MARIO 2.  THIS GAME IS SO MUCH FUN. LIFTING ENEMIES OVER YOUR HEAD AND SLAMMING THEM INTO ONE ANOTHER? SO COOL. *grunts* FUCK 'EM UP!

*Toad throws a Tweeter and throws a Shy Guy on top of the first enemy. The Shy Guy hits the Tweeter, and they both fly up and off the screen.*

SF!sans: WHOA! WHAT HAPPENED? LET'S TRY THAT AGAIN.

*Toad does the same thing again, although Toad throws Shy Guy first and Tweeter second, but this time he jumps on top of the Tweeter and Shy Guy, and Toad dies once he touches the top edge of the screen.*

SF!sans: OH!

SF!sans: I LOVE THESE POW BLOCKS. THEY WIPE OUT ALL LIVING CREATURES IN SIGHT. THERE'S THAT CLASSIC TRICK WHERE YOU GO IN THAT LITTLE DARK WORLD, YOU PICK ONE UP, AND WAIT FOR TIME TO RUN OUT. AND NOW, YOU HAVE TWICE THE POW. IT'S DOOMSDAY FOR THIS PLACE.

*Toad throws the POW into the ground, and the log carries Toad up and the log disappears*

SF!sans: OH, NO! IT CHANGES GRAVITY!

*Toad falls to his death*

SF!sans: THE DESTRUCTIVE FORCE OF THE POW BLOCK IS SO INTENSE, THE REST OF THE GAME CAN'T HANDLE IT. TURTLE SHELLS AND DIFFERENT OBJECTS FLY ALL OVER THE PLACE.

*Toad throws the POW block and Toad tries to lift the Bob-Omb, but it disappears because of the POW block.*

SF!sans: WHAT HAPPENED? WHERE'D THE BOB-OMB GO? IT, LIKE, DROPPED THROUGH THE FLOOR. HMMM, I WONDER WHERE THAT BOB-OMB WENT?

*Toad enters the room and once inside, he gets killed by the explosion caused by the Bob-Omb*

SF!sans: AGH! BOB-OMB, BOB-OMB!

SF!sans: YOU KNOW THAT ANNOYING PHANTO FUCKER? THAT FACE THAT CHASES YOU AROUND WHENEVER YOU GET THE KEY? DON'T YOU HATE THAT THING? HAVEN'T YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KILL IT? WELL, HERE'S HOW. YOU COLLECT EXACTLY FOUR CHERRIES, AND FOUR VEGETABLES. GET THE KEY, LET THE BASTARD CHASE YOU SOMEWHERE WHERE YOU CAN GET A TIME STOPPER.

SF!sans: NOW, GET ONE MORE CHERRY TO MAKE THE STAR APPEAR. AND HURRY UP. TIME'S RUNNING OUT!

*Toad gets the star, and eventually kills the Phanto*

SF!sans: UNGH! YE-HEAH! GOT HIM! FINALLY KILLED THAT ASS-FACE!

SF!sans: MOVING ON TO MARIO 3. YEAH, MIGHT AS WELL. ERROR SF!SANS USUALLY STAYS AWAY FROM THIS ONE. YEAH, IT'S A LITTLE TOO CROWDED WITH DEMONIC POSSESSIONS. BUT, NEVERTHELESS, IT HAS A SHARE GLITCHES THAT YOU CAN PERFORM FOR YOURSELF, LIKE SAND DIVING, AND AIR WALKING.

SF!sans: AS FOR SUPER MARIO WORLD, THERE'S A NEAT TRICK HERE TOO. GO TO CHOCOLATE ISLAND 3, GET TO THE GOAL. INSTEAD OF JUMPING UP LIKE NORMAL, YOU RELEASE YOSHI IN MID-AIR. THE SCREEN IS STILL FIXATED ON WHERE YOSHI WAS, AND YOU CAN ONLY SEE MARIO'S LEGS. BUT THAT'S ONLY THE BEGINNING.

*the colors became negative for the world*

SF!sans: WOW. THE STABILITY OF ALL THE COLORS IN THIS WORLD DEPEND ON MARIO AND YOSHI MAKING THAT JUMP CORRECTLY.

SF!sans: FOR SOME REASON, GAMERS ENJOY FINDING THESE KIND OF GLITCHES. MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE WE TAKE PRIDE IN FINDING FLAWS THAT THE PROGRAMMERS OVERLOOKED. OR, MAYBE IT'S JUST BECAUSE, WE LIKE PLAYING OUTSIDE THE RULES TO GO EXPLORING.

SF!sans: WELL, FOR THE BOLDEST OF EXPLORERS, THERE'S MOUNTAIN KING ON THE ATARI 2600. GETTING TIRED OF THE SAME OLD PLATFORMS AND LADDERS? WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO GO TO A WHOLE NEW HIGHER LEVEL OF GAMEPLAY? LITERALLY? BY PERFORMING A VERY SPECIFIC JUMP, YOU CAN LAUNCH THE CHARACTER HIGHER THAN USUAL. THEN, YOU HAVE TO LAND ON A VERY SPECIFIC SPOT. IF YOU'RE ONE PIXEL OFF, IT DOESN'T WORK. AND SOMETIMES, IT DOESN'T WORK ANYWAY.

SF!sans: YOU HAVE TO KEEP HOLDING THE JOYSTICK IN THE DIRECTION YOU'RE JUMPING, AND RELEASE IT AT THE PRECISE MOMENT.

SF!sans: NOW, WELCOME TO GLITCH HEAVEN. A VAST WORLD WITHOUT LOGIC. A PLACE OF NOT ONLY OF SIGHT AND SOUND, BUT OF MIND.

*the "Twilight Zone" theme plays as the camera zooms in on the character*

SF!sans: BY PLAYING WITH ALL THE SWITCHES ON THE ATARI CONSOLE, YOU CAN CAUSE THE LAYOUT TO CHANGE. YOU CAN ALSO PLUG DIFFERENT CONTROLLERS INTO THE SECOND PORT LIKE THE PADDLES, OR EVEN THE KEYPAD.

SF!sans: YOU CAN EVEN TRY THE COLECOVISION CONTROLLER, OR SEGA GENESIS. IT'S LIKE A MAD SCIENTIST EXPERIMENT.

SF!sans: I TRIED FOR HOURS, AND I STILL HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO FIND EVERYTHING. THERE'S BEEN REPORTS OF THE SCREEN FLICKERING, THE CHARACTER CHANGING SIZE, AND STRANGE UNKNOWN OBJECTS.

SF!sans: WILL YOU BE THE NEXT ADVENTURER TO DISCOVER THE UNEXPLORED SECRETS OF GLITCH HEAVEN?

*the character puts his arms up in an "I don't know" kind of way.*

SF!sans: FROM THE OLD DAYS OF GAMING UNTIL THE NEW, IT SEEMS LIKE GAME GLITCHES WILL ALWAYS BE AROUND.

SF!sans: IN ZELDA: TWILIGHT PRINCESS ON WII, I WAS JUMPING AROUND WHEN, SOMEHOW, I GOT STUCK IN A ROOF. UNFORTUNATELY, I DIDN'T HAVE IT RECORDED IN THE ACT, BUT I SURE DID TRY TO RECREATE IT: IT COULDN'T BE DONE.

SF!sans: LET'S PLAY ROCKY ON THE PS2.

*Error SF!sans enters, and laughs evilly*

SF!sans: NOT YOU AGAIN!

*Cut to the match, where the audience has turns into transforming squares.*

SF!sans: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE AUDIENCE?!

Error SF!sans: WELL, YOU SURE PACKED QUITE A CROWD TONIGHT, SANS! YOU SURE DID! STANDING-ROOM ONLY, FULL HOUSE OF GLITCHES! *IMITATES BOXING MATCH RING* IN THIS CORNER, WE HAVE, WEIGHING IN AT ZERO POUNDS AND ZERO OUNCES, NOTHING! IN THIS CORNER, WE'VE GOT MUCH OF THE SAME: NOTHING!

SF!sans: NO...

Error SF!sans: CAN YOU HEAR THAT?

*The line, "Next up is a fight" repeats.*

Error SF!sans: WHAT'S THAT SOUND? HUH? HMM? IT'S A SOUND OF A GLITCH. YOUR GLITCH. ENJOY IT.

*SF!sans keeps hearing the line "Next up is a fight" repeat, until he resets the PS2*

Error SF!sans: NO. NO USE RESETTING. NOT GONNA DO A THING.

SF!sans: YEAH, FUCK YOU. IT'S WORKING NOW.

*As the announcer introduces Spider Rico, he collapses to the floor.*

SF!sans: WHAT WAS THAT?

Error SF!sans: I PUT HIM TO THE FLOOR! THAT'S A GOOD ONE. GOOD ONE, ERROR SF!SANS!

Announcer: ...from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Rocky Balboa!

*Rocky also collapses, only to find his body messed up after he collapses. SF!sans is shocked. Cut to various Rocky boxers collapsing to the floor.*

Error SF!sans: OH, YEAH! I'M GLITCHING! GET DOWN, YOU BAD SELF! GET DOWN! GET DOWN! GET DOWN! WHOO!

SF!sans: WOW, I'VE NEVER SEEN A GAME THIS FUCKED UP.

*SF!sans cleans the game, as we see the Error SF!sans in the disc.*

Error SF!sans: NOT GONNA WORK. NOT GONNA WORK. WHAT TIME IS IT? NOT-GONNA-WORK-O'CLOCK.

*Cut to Rocky with his eyes popped out and a weird mouth.*

Error SF!sans: IN THIS CORNER, WE HAVE BUG-EYED BALBOA!

SF!sans: WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS MOUTH?

Error SF!sans: HIS EYES ARE POPPING OUT! *cut to Spider Rico with his jaw missing* AND IN THAT CORNER, WE'VE GOT SPIDER RICO, WITH NO JAW!

SF!sans: THEY'RE LIKE ZOMBIES. WHAT IS THIS? ROCKY: THE UNDEAD EDITION? YOU ARE REALLY ONE SICK FUCK, YOU KNOW THAT? I'M GONNA TRY CLUBBER LANG.

Error SF!sans: OH, CLUBBER LANG! THAT COULD BE A GOOD ONE. LET'S SEE WHAT ELSE I GOT UP MY SLEEVES. OH, I'M NOT WEARING ANY, BUT FOR MY FINAL SHOWSTOPPER, FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS!

*Cut to Clubber Lang, in a tall, glitched version. His shoe and boxing gloves are on top of his head and he is walking on one leg. The Error SF!sans laughs, while SF!sans is shocked and drops his controller*

SF!sans: *shocked* IT'S A CLUBBER-FUCK!

*The Error SF!sans folds his hands and shakes them in a celebratory fashion*

Crowd: *Chanting* Clubber! Clubber! Clubber!

*While the crowd is chanting "Clubber!", he falls to the floor and turns into a pile of glitches. Having had enough, SF!sans takes out the disc. He looks at it in anger. The Error SF!sans gives him a piercing stare.*

Error SF!sans: *Hums*

*SF!sans breaks the disc.*

SF!sans: *Sighs in relief* I NEED SOME MILK.

Error SF!sans: OH, YOU WANT TO PLAY DIRTY, DO YA? PING!

*The Error SF!sans turns his milk bottle into pixels.*

Error SF!sans: HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT? SIP ON AN ICE... COOL BOTTLE OF GLITCH. PING!

*The Error SF!sans turns his couch into a bunch of nonsense words.*

Error SF!sans:A NICE COMFY COUCH OF PIXELATED GLITCH! GLITCH! GLITCH! PING! *turns his ceiling into a wave like movement* Ping! *turns his arcade toys into pixelated words* GLITCH! *makes the DK toy's eyes big* GLITCH! *makes the head of the Mario toy huge with multiples coming out* GLITCH GLITCH GLITCH! PING. PING! *Makes his TV and NES collection disappear* PING! PING! GLITCH! GLITCH! GLITCH! GLITCH!  *turns his door into an eye, turns his room into one big glitch, and also SF!sans.*

(this entire fanfic was made just to showcase errorswapfell so enjoy it anyway errortale belongs to @loverofpiggies @askerrorsans )

[kuuxkat]

[EN]Seiyuu Bible 2017 - Interview with Uchida Aya

Translated and Typeset by: @kuuxkat / QC by: ~mega @ #teamonibe

Originally Sourced from: 可丽饼小王子  here

Original TL by: 阿暄校对 Original QC by: 乔君 

Images and Typeset by：鸡蛋仔小王子

DO NOT USE THE SUBS FOR COMMERCIAL PURPOSES!

I would like to thank the CN TL for taking the time and effort to clarify multiple areas in the interview. They are a great bunch so if you know CN, definitely do follow them for more content for Ucchi

Contents under the Cut!

Interviewer: “Nippon Broadcasting System, Inc” Announcer Yoshida Hisanori

The first thought after seeing the proposal for <LoveLive!> was “This is so interesting!”

Relying on her determination to fight hard in the front lines of being a  Voice Actress and a Singer,

Uchida Aya!

 If we are talking about Uchida Aya-san, as expected she is most famous for her performance in the hugely popular <LoveLive!> as the moe-type, healing character with that trademark ponytail: Minami Kotori! In one bound she leapt straight into the spotlight for a huge amount of fans by being a member of μ’s. She took part in 2015’s edition of <NHK Kōhaku Uta Gassen>, and afterwards took the stage of the Tokyo Dome and hosted the Final Live which was held for two consecutive days.

 Actually, after taking it step by step, Uchida Aya-san's solo music career had started to pay off. Her first single <アップルミント>(Apple Mint) was released in 2014, and in February 2016 her two concept albums (Sweet Tears/Bitter Kiss) both achieved good results in the weekly Oricon Top 10. (Ranked 8/9). And later in August 2016, she will have hold her own solo concert at Nippon Budokan. Achieving such results barely two years after her solo debut is really astonishing…!

 With an appearance similar to the gentle and generous Kotori-chan, Uchida-san turns out to be super interesting when she speaks, (contrasting with her appearance.)

Her true colors show a more overconfident self, often compared by others to a stubborn child

(TL Note: The CN TL mentioned that the original context was of a “利かん坊” An incorrigible child?)

The atmosphere of the interview was very energetic, and the duration of the interview ended up being double what was estimated initially… so, the contents of this jam-packed interview will begin now...!

​

 ​I want to see Totoro!

 Yoshida: Among the many candidates to be interviewed among the Voice Actresses, this time I told my superiors: “You definitely have to ask Uchida-san to come.”

 Ucchi: Thank you very much.

 Yoshida: But personally, what I really want to know is whether. “Uchida Aya being called an [unruly child]” is really the truth (laughs). But in summary, I feel that you aren’t a “yes-man” who is lacking of opinions.

 Ucchi: I’m definitely not (laughs).

 Yoshida: Interviews with guests who take the initiative are the most interesting after all. If it is possible, I hope that we would be able to get a story as good as Yazawa Eikichi-san’s. (TL Note: Yazawa Eikichi is a very important figure in Japan popular music.)

 Ucchi: I wonder if that’ll happen.

 Yoshida: Speaking of which, this interview isn’t limited to your experiences since you became a voice actress, but will also contain contents from your childhood. Currently Uchida-san is a tourism special envoy for the Gunma Prefecture (1), that means, you are born in Gunma? Did you love anime, manga since you were young?

 Ucchi: I already liked them at that time. When I was young, I especially liked to watch <Kiki’s Delivery Service> and <My Neighbour Totoro>, I kept playing dress up with my sister with the characters from Totoro. My mother told me, at that time I played as Mei and my sister was Satsuki (TL Note: The main protagonist of <My Neighbour Totoro>), and we memorized all the lines. Other characters like Kanta’s Grandmother we left it to our mother. But mother kept getting the wrong lines; it seems that she kept on being corrected by me and my sister with: “It’s not like that! At ‘that’ part it should be like ‘this’”. Each word and line can’t be wrong. I kept rewatching the taped program <金曜ロードショー> (TL Note: A program on Japan’s NTV where they play Animation related programs every Friday.) to the extent that the tape got damaged.

 Yoshida: At that time you haven’t thought of becoming a Voice Actress right?

 Ucchi: In comparison, actually I had more thoughts of “I want to see Totoro” then. Like going around picking up acorns, using a piece of fuki leaf as an umbrella (TL Note: In the movie, Totoro carried a huge leaf as an umbrella), if I discover a circular hole in a log, I’ll poke my head in to look for small Totoro’s etc.

 When I was fourth grade, <Pokemon> was released, and at that time anime and games were a part of life that appears normally, but after I entered junior high there was a huge shift. Classmates in class would be reading anime magazines, and so I got to know some knowledge related to the subject. Before then I didn’t even know Anime would be broadcast late at night.

In addition, besides what I had read before: <週刊少年ジャンプ/Weekly Shounen Jump>, </なかよしNakayoshi> and <りぼん/Ribon>, I got to know from them that there are other Manga magazines.

 Yoshida: It’s just like knowing that in this world there are companies out there which are like Square Enix… something like that? (TL Note: Square Enix is a Japanese video game developer, publisher, and distribution company. It also has a publishing department which serialises <Saiyuki> and other series under its name.)

 Ucchi: Everyone were watching <Prince of Tennis>, <Bleach>, <ONE PIECE> and related Jump series. At that time I went over to a childhood friend’s house to play, as that child’s mother likes them too, so their home is filled with Manga. I’ll go there every day to read manga, and it was there that I first encountered the series <Saiyuki>(2). It is especially popular among the girls, so I borrowed it to read, I didn’t think it’ll be that interesting, in the end I was totally obsessed with it. With that as the trigger, afterwards I even found out that the project have fan clubs too. I previously knew that Idol Groups have fan clubs, I didn’t think that <Saiyuki>’s anime would have a fan club too, and after joining it you could even attend a meet and greet with the voice actors… My friend said: “I will be going, you come along too”, and just like that I was dragged there too.

 Yoshida: Who were the Voice Actors that attended that event?

 Ucchi: Hoshi Sōichiro、 Ishida Akira、Hirata Hiroaki、Seki Toshihiko, these few. When they entered, the entire place rang with screams of support fit for an idol.

 Yoshida: It definitely would be like how you described it.

 Ucchi: Although I did watch Anime and Manga, but when I actually saw in person a voice actor reading the lines live, I still couldn’t help but feel affected by it. And they really looked like they were one with their characters. Afterwards I borrowed from my friend <Seiyuu Grand prix>, and I started paying attention to the names in the cast list at the end of Anime.

Yoshida: So at that time you started having interest in the career of a Voice Actress?

 Ucchi: In Anime Magazines you’ll be able to read ads on training centres and selections, and I got to know that there were ways to become voice actors, and it’s not like how entertainers/actors would be scouted out by talent scouts out on the streets. As previously, I always thought that voice acting wasn't for ordinary people like us, but is a career only for those who were given that talent by the heavens, so after knowing that one could become a voice actor by studying, it’s the first time that I realized the truth (of the voice actor profession).

 Yoshida: It felt like you were being tied to the world of Voice Actors huh?

 Ucchi: When I was in my third year in junior high, I signed up and joined a selection that was published in <Animage>. If I won first place, I would be able to obtain a chance to study for free at “日ナレ/Nichi Nare” (日本ナレーション演技研究所) (TL Note: It’s a voice actor training school that is owned by Arts Vision Incorporated, many famous VAs studied here). After I passed the local preliminaries, I set off for the Nationals.

 Yoshida: Did you go by yourself?

 Ucchi: I only told my family, and I went by myself to take on the challenge. From there I had to go through the Kanto convention before squeezing into the Nationals, alright?

 Yoshida: That’s amazing! Did you have any acting experience before that?

Ucchi: As at that time I only took part in the children’s local theatre club in my hometown, so I was very surprised at the result. In the end when I finally won at the Kanto Convention, I started to feel: “Eh? Maybe I could do this?”....

 Yoshida: So the final outcome was?

 Ucchi: I wasn’t even in the running for the winner or the runner up, just as I was starting to get depressed, I heard: “This time we’re giving away a special prize,” and my name was read out.

 Yoshida: Oh Oh!!

 Ucchi: But as it was a prize decided in the spur of the moment, so there weren’t any additional prizes for it. Even if I did win an opportunity to be an extra (ガヤ) and the privilege to take part in the recording of an Anime, but at that time no matter what I really wanted to win the chance to study at a voice actor school for free. After the selection was over and as I was interviewed, I even said words like: “I am very resigned that I couldn’t win first place” then.

At the summer vacation before I was promoted to high school, I got notified about the opportunity to take part in a recording as an extra, but at that time I had already clearly said that I will attend a volunteer activity that was organized in town, I was taking younger children to a camp and there were clashes in the time table, so I had to push away the recording session as an extra.

 Yoshida: So that is the project that you were unable to debut from. After attending high school, were there any preparatory works that you did to become a voice actor?

 Ucchi: I had forgotten all about that.

Yoshida: Did you attend a normal high school? (TL Note: There are differences between a vocational based high school and the traditional ones)

 Ucchi: Yep, as the uniforms were very cute. So with this as the deciding factor, none of my friends in high school were from the same junior high as I was. At that time I joined the tea ceremony club, but I didn’t have much passion for it. In comparison, I was even more willing to take part in a volunteer group that had been active for 30 over years in my city, at that time I was very passionate about the activities there. And when I go over, I could meet with my childhood friends from other high schools, I was especially happy. So I totally forgot about all the things related to voice actresses.

​

Additional Notes:

1) Gunma’s special tourism envoy for the entire Gunma Prefecture. Ucchi hosts a FM Radio station in Gunma with the title [うちださんのおうっちー] and [内田彩のおひるのほーむるーむ] - a music program that is centred on Anisong.

 2) Saiyuki: A series created by Minekura Kazuya, it was serialised in <G-Fantasy>(Square Enix). Its characters are very bishounen like, and it makes use of many whacky elements, and as such is hugely popular with girls from junior high onwards. It was first animated on 1999 in an OVA and following which, a TV series and Movie.

 ​Graduation and attending voice actress school

  Yoshida: So from when did you start on the road towards a voice actress again?

 Ucchi: It’s on the eve of graduation; I was looking through the information of many different specialized schools. For the beautician and costume design schools, I heard that there were people who after becoming ‘office ladies’, went to take on jobs as a manicurist or designers. If that was the case, I felt that there isn’t a need to rush to study there. What I wanted was to take on a challenge that I “had to do it now”, so I went to enrol in a specialized school for voice actors. As I didn’t have enough money to live by myself, so I had to take a roughly three hours one way journey from my old home in Gunma to attend school.

 Yoshida: If that’s the case, you surely would have took on many part time jobs right?

 Ucchi: I did take on quite many of them. I don’t need to talk about weekdays, but in the weekends I would also be sent to some events too, talking on a handset and all that.

 Yoshida: Did you know Miyamori Sachiko-san(3) from that specialized school?

 Ucchi: Yes. Our personalities match very well, so we became very good friends.

 Yoshida: Currently the two of you are very active in the industry; it’s really quite an incredible chance that let the two of you meet. So from that, I feel that you would have started taking part in auditions along with taking classes in the specialized school, right?

Ucchi: I didn’t do that… in my first year I had the image of an honest and studious model student; I did my best to get the privilege of having lower school fees. Although I did my best at school, but that didn't mean I could debut, as the moment when I thought I could, I'd be informed that the operation of the specialized schools had failed... I didn’t have a choice but to transfer to another training centre, but that too closed down...

 Yoshida: It never rains but pours huh?

 Ucchi: In the specialized school you could see many different agencies’ recruitment qualifications, and among them there was one company, an agency who was recruiting fresh candidates. That would be JTB Entertainment, and that was also the agency of Ogata Megumi-senpai's (Voice of Ikari Shinji from <Neon Genesis Evangelion>). After seeing the recruitment notice I thought that this agency could be a nice choice.

(TL Note: Ucchi is referring to JTB Entertainment Academy which was founded in 2007 and she was one of the pioneer batches of students)

 Yoshida: Why was that?

 Ucchi: Because I felt that if I entered a big company as I am now, being able to stand out among hundreds of other applicants and being selected by the agency would be quite difficult. Since that was the case, then joining a new agency that's just starting out, thirsty for talent, wouldn't that be an opportunity in its own right? If I couldn’t make it even in that environment, that means that I didn’t even have an ounce of talent in this area, so let’s just forget it.

And since the senior that I admired was in that agency too, as I thought about that I decided: Let’s just go there.

 At that time the teachers in the specialized school did advise me to go for other different kinds of agencies, but in the end I still decided that I wish to go to JTB. And with regards to the “Going to a newly founded agency, it’s really a big gamble.” stuff like that, I turned a deaf ear to them.

 Yoshida: At such a crucial time, you made the decision just by yourself huh?

 Ucchi: It’s because there were children who were younger than I am who were enrolling one by one into the school, I was feeling a little anxious as I thought to myself that: “But I’m starting from zero again, huh?” and also at that time I was putting my all working to earn some money. So I moved to Saitama, and I firmed my resolve to work hard and move towards my goal.

​

 The realization on the live set of <おでんくん/Oden-kun>

  Yoshida: After that you finally debuted right? What was your project debut?

 Ucchi: My debut project was <おでんくん/Oden-kun>.(4) Just by chance this project’s sound director Nagasaki Yukio was invited to JTB to teach, and he approached me whether I could do the voice of a passer-by, so I debuted then. This project gathered Tanaka Naoki of ココリコ Kokoriko (ココリコ Kokoriko is a Japanese Comedy Duo consisting of Endō Shōzō and Tanaka Naoki) and many other individuals who weren’t voice actors all, taking part in it. Everyone were all smiles on site, and as they conversed finished the recording. All of these happened in front of my eyes, it was so fun and so interesting to the extent that I couldn’t help but be all smiles the entire time. But, I wasn’t able to finish my voice acting the way I imagined I could… The professional actors could actually create characters which were so lively and interesting, akin to giving them life. Even the few, who weren’t voice actors, also managed this. It’s because they were actors and actresses who had trained themselves in their own technique that allowed them to be able to make every line from the characters seem so interesting. At that time I thought in my heart that compared to them, I couldn’t grasp the trick of it… I deeply understood the harsh reality of the world of the voice actors. I even started beginning to feel that perhaps I didn’t like performing, I wasn’t sure where my hard work was leading to, and I was a little lost.

 Yoshida: You just started out and encountered such negative thoughts? But after this you did receive another job right?

 Ucchi: Yes, I took part in <Munto>(5) a project by Kyoto Animation. The producer for the <Suzumiya Haruhi> and <Lucky Star> series Itō atsushi-san inquired about me after hearing my voice sample. It was my first time having a role as a semi-permanent character, I was cast as the role of the protagonists’ brother.

 Yoshida: Were you cast as a boy?

 Ucchi: Yes, as a boy called Chikara-kun. And along with Aizawa Mai who was cast as the main protagonist and Shiraishi Minoru we performed together in the Web Radio for this Animation. The recording was once every week, and each performance was only for one or two lines. But I was really happy to be able to participate in this project together as one of the hosts for the radio. But as I wasn’t very used to conversing, I was criticized by Lantis producer Saito Shigeru-sensei to say more. (TL Note: The broadcast’s distributor was Lantis, and the Director was Saito Shigeru) In the broadcast program I was being forced to take part in improvised performances, and there were many scenarios where I had to make up replies on the spot, and that was extremely fun.

 Yoshida: I originally thought that Uchida-san would be the type suited to such types (impromptu performances), it looks like it’s actually more of it being stimulated out of you, huh?

 Ucchi: I accumulated lots of very precious experience indeed.

​

Footnotes:

(3)Miyamori Sachiko (宮森 幸子), current stage name is Miyamori Seira (宮森 セーラ). Her current agency is IKUSHIMA PLANNING INC. She debuted as part of the Idol Seiyuu Group “Baby POP School” as one of its new members (2006). She is currently active in the industry as a VA, in stage plays and advertisements.

 (4) <おでんくん/Oden-kun>, is based of the original concept of the author Lily Franky’s <おでんくん> (Published by Shogakukan Inc.). Since 2005 it was broadcasted on NHK’s educational TV Channel (Currently NHK Educational TV)  as <天才ビットくん/Genius Oden-kun> and subsequently released as <天才てれびくんMAX ビットワールド/Genius Oden-kun MAX Bitworld>.

 (5) <Munto> is a project made by Kyoto Animation. The main character Yumemi Hidaka is a junior high student who is able to see the floating islands in the sky. One day a celestial, MUNTO who claims to come from the heavens appears and tells her: “Please save the two worlds…” Ucchi is cast as the main protagonist's younger brother, Hidaka Chikara-kun. The OVA was broadcasted in 2009.

  The first time being casted as a main character in an original series.

  Yoshida: Afterwards, finally you performed as the main protagonist in <KIDDY GiRL-AND> (6).

 Ucchi: That’s right. This time I was cast as a girl. It is the sequel to an earlier series <Kiddy Grade>, but it didn’t have a base to work with, it was an original project. The characters too were also all new. Previously I was very uneasy, but after finishing the recording for one episode, the original creator rated it as “Straight up suitable”, and so I became more relaxed.

 Yoshida: Who were the producers then?

 Ucchi: This project’s director was Gotoh Keiji, and the sound director was Satō Jun'ichI. I grew up with <Sailor Moon> which was directed by Satō-sensei, so to be able to read lines under his guidance, to me it’s really like I owed something a great favor in some way, it really was just incredible.

 Yoshida: Although one might say that it’s being given a favor, but at a crucial turning point, it was you yourself who made that decision decisively. In that project you released a song for the first time too right?

  Ucchi: Yes. I sang the animation’s opening song, and released a CD. And it is because of this project, that I was able to take part in an event for the first time; and at that time it was my first time wearing the same clothes as the character. It really was a project that allowed me to take in lots of experience.

 Yoshida: Before that you liked fashion, right?

 Ucchi: That’s right. When I was attending the specialized school, there were classes relating to fashion. But at that time the teacher told me: “Uchida already has her own “Uchida World”, so there isn’t much that needed to be taught”. It’s the same for hair styles too; I modelled for a beauty salon at Harujuku. I challenged the Wolf Cut and other advant-garde styles, and there were incidents where I couldn’t take part in auditions due to that. (TL Note: ウルフカット/Wolf cut is a hairstyle where your hair crown is cut circular similar to a mushroom shape, but the back of the hair is cut in slightly thinner layers. As the layer of hair at the back of the nape resembles that of a wolf, it is named as such.)

 Yoshida: So you weren’t able to attend auditions due to problems with your hairstyle?

Ucchi: It seems that those with straight and long black hair, those with the delicate feel would be better. So there would have been incidents like this where due to my own wilfulness I would muck things up.

Yoshida: Just in passing, you paired today’s outfit by yourself too?

 Ucchi: Yes. As it’s an interview by <The Nikkei>, there would be young adult readers, so I tried a combination that’s more relaxing.

​

 (6) <KIDDY GiRL-AND> Is original animation set in a sci-fi world in the future where human beings had colonised space and is the sequel to <Kiddy Grade>. Uchida-san was casted as the protagonist Ascoeur. This Animation ran from 2009-2010.

 ​

The possibilities of <LoveLive!>

 Yoshida: Your encounter with <LoveLive!>, it was after <KIDDY GiRL-AND> ended right?

 Ucchi: Yes. I had been under the care of Lantis’s producer Saito Shigeru-sensei before, as I had this layer of relationship it led to me talking with him about the <LoveLive!> project, finally I was given the chance to appear in it. And before that during <KiDDY GiRL-AND> I had experience singing.

 Yoshida: From right at the beginning did you know that this project would be releasing an animation?

 Ucchi: It’s not like that, at the beginning there was only one proposal plan. I had gotten and finished reading a file that had the contents of: “The Minami Kotori that Uchida-san would be performing as would be like this”, but at that time I already felt that this proposal was very interesting. I originally did really like AKB48, and had gone to the AKB theatre at the Don Quijote Akihabara Outlet. (TL Note: There is an AKB theatre on the 8th floor of the Don Quijote Akihabara Outlet.)

 Yoshida: Did you go there to see a performance too?

 Ucchi: I did. During the early days, girls just need to spend 500 yen and they can watch one performance.

 Yoshida: That was the time where they (AKB48) started being well known right?

 Ucchi: On the streets there were trucks driving around which were printed with “AKB48”. I felt curious, so I went with my close friends, in the end after watching one performance I was in idol hell sank so deep that I couldn’t extract myself free…even if it was just the performance itself, it was terrific. No matter the outfit or the dance were very cute. So after receiving this project <LoveLive!>, rather say that I wish to be an idol, why not say that the fact that I was being able to be casted as an idol that made me especially happy.

 Yoshida: You really like idols huh, after performing as an idol anime character, you caused explosive repercussions in society didn’t you?

 Ucchi: It was like that, yes.  But from the beginning the staffs has been very optimistic. At the time when they were first selling the PV, it gave a feel like the girls really existed. They blurred the names of the voice actresses, and they stopped me from releasing news that (I was a voice actress in this program.) But at the start only slightly more than 400 CDs were sold.

 Yoshida: Indeed...

 Ucchi: Afterwards it was revealed at <Dengeki G’s Magazine> (7). I was very happy to be able to take part in a planned project of this particular magazine. (Previously serialized in this magazine) <Sister Princess> is a project that I have always followed since junior high, the first item I bought from Animate was also one of its side-goods.

 I had to take part in a project called <Baby Princess> in almost the same period as <LoveLive!>. When I met Kimino Sakurako-sensei when I was working there, I even implored her to sign an autograph for me. So, if <LoveLive!> was a project that is planned to be serialized in the hands of Kimino Sakurako-sensei, it definitely would be especially interesting! At the very beginning I had a very different expectation about it,

 Ucchi: When <LoveLive!> held it’s very first event, I didn’t know how many individuals would attend, I was extremely uneasy. At the end I heard that the all 80 seats of the event grounds were all filled up, it really shocked me. At that time, I even said words like: “For the people who attended this event here today, I will work hard so they would be able to say in the future that “I was one of the people who had attended this event!”..

Yoshida: And you went to perform at Tokyo Dome, so that is really incredible. But, it’s not just performing for the voices, even you yourself would have to sing and dance right?

 Ucchi: Yes, but I guess it does suit me, right? As I had liked AKB48 before after all. Kotori-chan belongs to a type that has lots of girlish charm, so I looked at AKB48 member Kojima Haruna-chan and used her as a reference. But rather perform by myself on the stage, in the end creating a character through performing turns out to be more fun.

 Yoshida: Whether it’s performing a character, or as an idol you seem to enjoy it both. So naturally the sense of your distance between you and your projects was unusually good right? Speaking of which, your music activities could be called smooth sailing too. After debuting as a singer for just two years, you have already released 4 albums; it really makes one feel at awe. And finally, you will be performing a concert at Nippon Budokan.

 Ucchi: I, right at the start didn’t want to debut as a singer at all.

 Yoshida: And why is that?

 Ucchi: Having a solo event with the name “Uchida Aya”, it makes me feel that it’s unsophisticated/dumpy. I have always been grumbling about how “It could clearly be part of a group or as a member of a band, right?” even till the end. But when I recovered my wits, I discovered that the die was cast.

​

Footnote:

(7) Dengeki G’s Magazine, the first issue was released at 1992, published under ASCII Mediaworks under Kadokawa Dwango Corporation’s Umbrella. It is a magazine that focuses on news for Anime and Games. <LoveLive!>’s manga started serializing here, <Sister Princess> and subsequently <Baby Princess> which Uchida-san took part in are both original projects headed and designed by novelist Kimino Sakurako. Kimino Sakurako herself is part of <LoveLive!> as well.

 ​

Increasing comrades during music activities

 Yoshida: The Album Company is ZERO-A huh? Having a producer like Kudo Tomomi, she can be said to be one of the leading individuals in the industry and everyone knows her. So for Kudo-san to select Uchida-san from the entire group of voice actresses from <LoveLive!>, I find it very fitting, and very interesting.

 Ucchi: Ah well, I have started activities without even realizing it. From my first meeting with the staff, the time frame between the first album and the second album was especially quick too… I have released 4 albums so far, but single record releases are still zero. And there haven’t been any tie-up projects. (Correct up till August 2016)

 Yoshida: Even without a tie-up, you still managed to surge all the way up the Oricon charts right? That’s very amazing! Even if you have results like these, are you still nursing an attitude of unwillingness?

 Ucchi: Yep. I’m not really creating music by myself, I’m just simply singing after all. It’s like all the products were stuck with the label of “Uchida Aya”. Would that cause problems for my image? I really worried about it a great deal, I even cried because of it.

 Yoshida: But, looking at it now, you’ll discover that regardless of those worries, haven’t the audiences accompanied Uchida-san all the way up till now?

 Ucchi: I’m an individual who before doing things is extremely cautious and prudent. But once I actually started doing it, no matter what the result is, I’ll always be happy. With Kudo-san as the leader, the entire staff organized itself to be a very spectacular team; I really hope to let them enjoy being a part of it too.

 Yoshida: Preparing with an attitude of pessimism but when actually doing it, meeting it with optimism huh?

 Ucchi: That’s right. When I’m with <LoveLive!>, as I’m one among many in the group, it should be okay if I do my part right; but in an individual event, one would have to take everything into consideration. The staff members have put in lots due to me, so I feel that I myself have to work hard too. But from the results, by the time I recovered my wits I already have comrades with me.

 Yoshida: In summary it feels like a private firm where the people around you had forced you to the position of president...

 Ucchi: You might have hit the nail on the head. It’s like I received an assessment of “Osh, President! You singing was great.”, “Then I will sing a little then.” - like that. If one isn’t careful, perhaps there would be a feel that I’m being forced to sing (laughs).

 Yoshida: You have the credentials to be a president alright? Those who become presidents are those who are fighting for many individuals, and as you can make the final decision yourself, you have to combine both perseverance and determination.

 Ucchi: Thank you for your praise. First of all I have to work hard to prepare for the live at the Budokan (Happening on August 2016).

 Footnote:

(8)ZERO-A Corporation is a company that was specially set up specially for Anime Music and the Voice Actor market. Besides Uchida Aya, the producer Kudo Tomomi is also in charge of the seiyuu team “petit milady” comprising of Yuuki Aoi and Taketatsu Ayana.

[huntermun]

Road to #AD21XX: Maverick Hunter Fighter

Once upon a time, I was a student at Wren High School in upstate South Carolina, and I owned a TI-86 Calculator.  It could download games just like it could download applications for doing math equations and such… not unlike what you can do in a much more advanced sense with modern day smart phones—holy shit, I am referencing back to an age before I had a cell phone… I am old—and it could be used for entertainment or homework.  Like most people should, I chose to use it for both.

I discovered that even though there were games running on the device that were as complex as Doom and Tetris, that it also had it’s own BASIC Language before I even knew what BASIC was.  TI-BASIC taught me the power of Goto and Labels, Variables and Output.  But the calculator couldn't do all the teaching, no.  I’m Huntermun, and I’ve got to learn things backwards apparently… stripping down something that already exists and discovering how it works.

Most applications’ code couldn’t be viewed… or, at least, none I had seen yet.  All these games, I would learn, were self contained… inside an executable file of sorts.  They were whole things that could run on the internal programming of the calculator, but they couldn’t actually be made on the calculator.  As a result, they were nebulous things to me, just like programs were on the computer, in that I knew someone had to make them, but I didn’t know how it would be done.

I wanted to know how.

And then I found this simple little game called “Hick Quest III”.  I don’t even remember all the details of this game, but it was a very simple fighting game of sorts.  Very much a “press button, attack badguy” sort of affair, with your name on screen to one side and your opponent’s name to the other not unlike Pokémon.  It was simple, but simple gave me hope.  Long before I would complete the game—in which I recall my blood turning into alcohol, and dying—I would go into the programs on my calculator and discover it was my first TI-BASIC game.

The key difference between the other applications I’d downloaded to my phone and this one was that I could actually open up game as code rather than simply seeing it sitting there all "yup, I'm a program".  Not only could I look around through all the code, I could read the code… because BASIC is super-basic, and it’s not hard to figure out “This Number is in X variable” and “This Goto tells the Code to skip to X Line”.  At least, it wasn't hard for me to figure that out…

But far more importantly than simply looking at how the code probably worked and how the calculator read it was the quick realization that I could edit it.  And with years of lost data experience behind me, I knew I needed to back the game up first, and I did.  After that, I start fiddling with things… all the things.

At first, I replaced the names of the baddies, and that was neat.  But shortly after that, I figured out how to add more… thereby doubling the number of enemies in the game by creating a second location.  I altered the title screen, and changed up how the information for you and the opponent was laid out.  I altered the opening plot and even added additional pages to it to set up the story.

And thus Maverick Hunter Fighter was born.

But was it?  I was making this game for myself and my friends on a calculator at school, so I wasn't at all worried about copyright issues because, if nothing else, I was a minor.  Suck it, Capcom!  But, seriously, I loved Mega Man X then and still do now and I'd already been creating FanFiction in its universe long before this game.  But the idea that I could make my own text-based Mega Man X game was crazy to me, and yet… here it sort of was.

Some of you are thinking about how you've done this same thing while others are thinking what I was thinking at this moment: you didn't really make a game… you gutted someone else's.  And that got to me only a little, because I was already beyond the start of MHF.  I'd learned.  I understood all the above, and even started using Output to draw graphics onto the screen.  Text-Based Graphics.  I even animated them, and I was so proud of myself… still am.

The original MHF didn't last long, and it would fit the model of a different Capcom game of the fighting-variety, Street Fighter.  Street Fighter, the first one, sucks, and that sort of became MHF.  And just like Street Fighter, nothing carried over when I opened up SimpleText on my Performa 6220CD and started writing a new MHF from scratch.  In a very short amount of time, the first version of that game came out and it was a hit.

And that's no joke.  Maverick Hunter Fighter II had an animated Title Screen; It had Save Files for multiple playthroughs; there were Weapon and Armour Upgrades; Heart Tanks to expand your health; multiple locations to visit and different modes of transportation to acquire in order to travel to them; there was a stat screen and character sheet; and I even animated "READY!" to appear on screen whenever you started a new fight.

Instead of version numbers, the game's title mutated as a purposeful spoof on Street Fighter.  Maverick Hunter Fighter II became II Turbo, II Hyper, III, Z, Zero, Alpha II Turbo, and any number of other permutations.  It was great!  And, best of all, it turned out the game also ran on the TI-85, a less powerful piece of hardware that was a lot more populous at Wren.  And it was here I learned two additional things about my game: it was fun, and it was bloated.

It being fun was great… people I didn't even know or know people who knew them were sitting in the cafeteria playing MHF when I came in.  I cannot express how amazing that feeling was.  But that feeling was quickly stunted by a revelation that I'd put too much into the game… not for the 86, but for the 85.  It was literally running out of space to hold the game and anything else.

This is how MHF taught me to code better.

You better believe there was a lot of junk code in the game.  Every villain having a slight alteration to the fighting system?  Check.  Their own stats, even if they were duplicate?  Check.  Multiple variables for each linear upgrade item?  Check.

Suddenly, my code was a mess again.  How could I not have seen it?  But I went after it with dedication, writing entire new swaths of code simpler so that more parts of the game could utilize the same variable and draws.  But even as I hacked out unnecessary parts, I still ended up hitting that wall that was the TI-85… and like any good game dev, I both wanted to keep my install base while also giving those with the bigger memory and more powerful 86 something more.

This is how MHF taught me to code for cross-generational gaming.

Look, it may be simple, but it is a vital skill to learn.  By keeping the items linear in the 85 Version, I could keep them in.  Meanwhile, on the 86 I added a shop and expanded it to allow for multi-linear gameplay.  Rather than always having a single weapon, you could swap out weapons.  There was an additional area of the game to move to and fight.  The 86 Version of the game was just a bigger experience, and each time I could shave off some little thing in the 85 version and put in a new feature, I would.

Way back in the late 1990's, this was a huge deal for me.  Not only did I know coding—simple coding still counts!—but I had learned it all on my own.  I felt really good about my product, and people at my school enjoyed it.  I had, maybe, twenty or more people actually walking around with it in their pocket, enjoying their experience… and I always made sure to make it so Save Files would be able to carry forward into the next release.

All in all, I was very happy with what I had done… but after I graduated and went on to my first college, I quickly learned that TI-BASIC might have been a good primer, but it wasn't very fitting for the types of games I wanted to make.  In time, I would hit my head against QBASIC and Visual Basic and C-Sharp and C++… and it wouldn't be until this time last year that I stumbled into something that would let me finally make a new and more expansive game than I'd ever made before.

But that's a story for a different day.  For now, please join me in sparing a moment to recall that it was today, last year, that the first version of #AD21XX was typed into.  While I had poked and prodded at the idea of Adaptation (20XX) before then, I had not really gotten my own hands to make my own code again until February 16, 2016.  Yes, I had tried.  All the above as well as Xcode had landed on my plate over the years, but nothing quite felt as much like home to me as TWINE and SugarCube 2.

Today I, if no one else, celebrates the One Year Anniversary of the first Code I wrote towards the game and series I hope will become Adaptation 21XX. 
See you in the Future, —Huntermun / Tyler N. Sewell

[anavoliselenu]

anchor me chapter 7

“Desperately,” I admit. “But I think this is one of those things I should do alone.” Frank Dunlop—who used to go by the name Leonard Frank Fairchild—may be my father, but I haven’t known him for very long. He left when Ashley was a little girl and I was just a baby, and he recently made a somewhat tumultuous re-entry into my life. Though it took Justin longer to trust him—and that trust was earned following some intense background checks—my wariness vanished pretty quickly. Possibly faster than was smart, but I’d desperately wanted to believe that Frank had returned only because he wanted to get to know me. And after he explained that he’d left because of my mother, we’d forged a truce that has since grown into a deep friendship. Maybe even love. I’m not sure yet. All I know now is that he’s in our life, and both Justin and I genuinely believe that he’s a good man who made a mistake by leaving his children behind when he left his wife. I take Justin’s hand and put it on my abdomen. “I’m still getting used to him being my dad, you know? But maybe telling him he’s going to be a grandfather will make it all seem real.” “Do you want it to?” His voice is hesitant, and I understand why. Even with all the horrific things my mother has done, I still have moments when I think that maybe, just maybe, we’re going to turn a corner and everything will fall into place. She’ll feel like a mom, and not like the wicked witch. I think it—I hope it—and time and again I’m disappointed. And Justin, I know, is afraid I can’t handle more disappointment on the other side of the parental wall. Honestly, I’m a little scared, too. But I also know that I like Frank, and I respect him. And unlike my mother, he wouldn’t intentionally hurt me. He deserves to know he’s going to have a grandchild. More, I think it will matter to him. And I want to know what it’s like to share special news with a parent and have them be really, truly happy for me. I’ve never had that experience before. And I really hope to have it today. I left the house before Justin, who’s spending the morning working at home. Now I’m sitting in Coop, my convertible Mini Cooper, at a congested intersection on the Pacific Coast Highway when my phone buzzes. I grab my phone with trepidation, afraid it’s going to be a new vile text, then immediately sag with relief, my mood shooting straight back up toward awesome when I see that it’s from Justin. Miss you already. See you tonight. Until then, imagine me, touching you. I smile the rest of the way to Santa Monica, and I’m still smiling when I step inside the studio that my father shares with Wyatt Royce. My father’s a photographer, and when I first met him, he was looking for a studio to sublease. I hooked him up with Wyatt, a photographer and friend who’d been looking for someone to share his massive studio space. “I’m so glad to see you’re looking good,” Wyatt says, entering from his private office with a telephoto lens in his hand. With his tousled golden hair, chiseled jaw, and confident air, he looks like he should be the model rather than the photographer. “I saw that you fainted in Dallas,” he adds. “Just the heat,” I say, fighting a smile. “And it’s always unpleasant to have the tabloids getting in and reporting stuff without your permission.” He cocks his head, obviously considering my words. “Then you’re really—” “Here to see my father,” I finish. “I’ve got some important stuff to tell him.” He grins, and I look away, because I don’t want him to see the smug acknowledgement on my face. As I do, I notice that with the exception of the few prints that have been on the walls for as long as I’ve known Wyatt, every work surface is covered. A few months ago, he’d told Jamie and me that he was working on a project that he thought would make a big splash, and now I assume these covered walls are part of it. The weird thing is that if he wanted to, Wyatt Royce could make a big splash simply by breathing. He’s the grandson of Anika Segel, one of the last living mega-stars from the Golden Age of Hollywood. And his great-grandfather founded one of the studios. In other words, he comes from Hollywood royalty. All he has to do is snap his fingers to have publicists drooling over him, and yet he’s never once played the family card. He doesn’t deny them—and as far as I know he has a great relationship with all of them—he just never mentions them. Instead, he’s consistently flown under the radar. He started at the very bottom of the heap as a photographer, then climbed through the ranks by skill and talent alone. I admire him for that, but it’s also a bit baffling. Especially in a town like LA. He’ll even be at the premiere on Friday—but that’s because the Stark Children’s Foundation has hired him to be the official event photographer. Which means he’ll be wearing a tux to blend in—not because he’s going to be the one in the paparazzi’s sights. I gesture to the draped prints. “So, this is the secret project? Any chance you’ll give a hint to a good friend?” “None at all. I trust you, but I don’t want to risk a leak before I’m ready.” He looks at me meaningfully. “I’m sure you understand.” “Yeah,” I say, putting a hand on my belly. “I do.” I’m smiling as I head to the back of the studio and the stairs that lead to the much smaller areathat Frank has sublet. He’s standing over a light board, using a magnifying loop to review strips of negatives. He’s in his early sixties, with hair that’s gone gray at the temples. He has the ruggedly handsome, weathered face of someone who spends a lot of time outdoors. And when I look straight at him, I can see my own blue eyes looking back at me. “I thought you shot digitally,” I say as I cross the room to look over his shoulder. Photography has been my hobby since high school, and though I love working with film, in this day and age, it’s become impractical. I also hate dark rooms—too many memories of my mother locking me in my room at night and disabling the light switch. And while I know Justin would build me the biggest and best darkroom in the history of photography, I do so little behind the camera that it doesn’t seem worth asking. Besides, I’ve gotten pretty proficient with editing on the computer, and that’s fun, too. “Mostly digital,” he says, as he passes me the loop so that I can take a look. “But sometimes you just need to go retro.” I laugh as I bend to look at the lush photos of Santa Monica at night, and even from looking at the negative, I can see that he’s captured an aspect of dark and shadows that you simply can’t claim with a digital format. “These are wonderful,” I say, returning the loop to him. “Are you going to print them?”

“When I get back. I have the trip, remember?” He glances up at me. “That’s when I’ll shoot digitally. And when my app comes in so handy. I would have come to your office today. I’m the client, remember?” “True enough. But I wanted to see you here.” Frank is a travel photographer, and so he spends most of his time bouncing around the globe. He recently hired me to design an app by which he could display and sell his work even when he’s on the go, and I came today ostensibly to go over some of the tweaks in the programming with him. “Is something wrong?” He looks at me with a furrowed brow. “I’ve got a lot of subscribers now—we’re not going to have a chunk of downtime while I’m in Europe, are we?” “The app’s fine. Honestly, it doesn’t even need any tweaks. I just wanted to talk to you.” “Oh.” He stares at the loop in his hand, then puts it down on the table before looking at me. “Are you okay? I heard about you fainting. In Dallas.” I make a face. “On the front lawn of our old house.” “You’re sick?” There’s so much concern on his face that I’m certain he hasn’t heard any of the other rumors. “I’m not sick,” I assure him as I keep my eyes fixed on his face. “I’m pregnant. You’re going to be a grandfather.” At first, his expression is entirely blank, and I’m afraid that I’ve made a horrible mistake. That he’s been fine knowing me—a daughter who’s really more of an acquaintance. Someone he can point to and say that he has some connection with, but nobody real. Somebody he can just walk away from again if he feels the urge. But a grandchild will be different. So small and trusting. So easily hurt. My breath hitches in my throat. I’d been a baby when he walked away. And it’s with a sudden burst of horrible clarity that I realize the risk I’ve taken opening my heart even a little bit to this man. It’s one thing for him to walk away from me, but I don’t know that I could survive the pain if he eased his way into my child’s life, and then blithely turned his back. “I—” I’m planning to say that I’m sorry. That I shouldn’t have presumed he would care. That I never should have come at all. But he cuts me off, and when he speaks, I see that his eyes are glistening. “Selena—oh, Selena, that’s wonderful. I can’t—” His voice breaks and he clears his throat. “I’m very, very happy.” A wild, crazy relief cuts through me, and I realize a tear is trickling down my own cheek. I wipe it away, sniffling a little, but smiling. “Wow. We’re kind of a pair, aren’t we?” He chuckles, then pulls me into an awkward hug. For a moment, I’m limp, and with a quick shock, I realize that this is the first time that he’s really held me like a daughter. I draw in a breath filled with hope and love, then squeeze him tightly. “Thanks,” I whisper. “For what?” I lift a shoulder, not really sure myself. “For coming back.” “No,” he says. “Thank you for letting me back in.” I sit down on one of the gray, folding chairs, feeling a little wobbly and emotional, then wipe my nose. “I thought I saw Mother yesterday.” It feels like a complete non sequitur, but Frank seems to understand the way my mind works even better than I do, because he cocks his head, pulls a chair close to me, and says, “Do you want to let her back in, too?” “No.” The word is sharp and fast and firm, but even as I say it, my heart aches. Now that I’m going to be a mom, the absence of my own mother seems doubly painful. “No,” I repeat, this time with less certainty. “But I want to know what she’s doing. She left Dallas. I think she came here. I think she’s watching me, and I don’t know why.” He rubs the side of his mouth with his thumb, something I’ve noticed that he does when he’s about to say something he’s not sure I’ll like. I first noticed it when he asked me to change the menuconfiguration on the app. I didn’t mind doing it, but apparently he thought I’d be irked that he didn’t care for the way I’d laid out all the elements. “What?” I press, when he stays silent. “Now, don’t take this the wrong way, but maybe you imagined her. Your mother’s not exactly the type to hide in the shadows, is she?” I hesitate, because the times I’ve seen her she’s seemed so real. But he’s right—Elizabeth Fairchildis not the kind to hide. “I don’t know,” I say. “But you might have a point. I’m not keen to think I’m hallucinating, but that’s better than having her be real,” I tilt my head from side to side. “So thanks. I think.” He chuckles. “That’s what fathers are for.” As soon as he’s said the words, I can see that he wants to take them back. He is my father, but we’ve never really gone there. And in this one conversation, I’ve had a fatherly hug and this paternal support. Obviously, he’s thinking that maybe he’s taken it a step too far. But he hasn’t. Just the opposite, in fact. And when I say, “Yeah, that’s exactly what dads are for,” I hope he understands. He clears his throat. “So, ah, I know you don’t need me right here—you did just fine over the years without me—but I’m wondering if now, well, with you being pregnant and all—” He pauses to take a deep breath. “Well, I was just wondering if I should postpone my trip.” “Oh!” I hadn’t even thought of that. He’s leaving for Ireland tomorrow morning, and from there, he’s going to the Cotswolds and then Paris and Prague and a bunch of different destinations in Germany and Italy. It’s a six-month-long itinerary, and he’s not just traveling to shoot stock, he also has some specific gigs lined up. “No,” I say. “You should go. I mean, I want you here, of course, but it’s not like anything much is going to happen for a while. And you’ll be back before I’m due.” “I don’t know . . .” “I do,” I say. “This is your livelihood. I’m not going to stop working. You don’t need to either.” His mouth thins and he nods. “All right. If you’re sure.” I nod, but part of me isn’t sure. Part of me wants him here. Part of me thinks that’s what parents do. And part of me wonders how I can actually be a parent without understanding the nuances at all, having never really experienced them. “I’m sure,” I repeat, and then nod, because I know it’s the right decision. “And thanks, Grandpa.” 14 I spend the rest of the afternoon tweaking Frank’s app because I want it to be fully functional before he leaves the country. Fortunately, I finish it at the office, because by the time I get home and am ready to settle in with Justin, I’m pulled under by exhaustion again. I end up dozing on the couch with my feet on his lap while he alternates between reading science journals and financial reports. “This is tops of my list,” I murmur when I manage to peel open my eyes. “What’s that, baby?”

“Questions for the doctor. This one is at the top. When does it end? I feel like I’m only living half a life.” “Ah, but it’s a half with foot massages,” he says, putting down his magazine and rubbing my swollen feet and ankles in a way that makes me think I’ve discovered heaven. “And I looked it up. It gets better after the first trimester.” “I’m not sure this massage can get any better.” “I meant the exhaustion,” he says with a laugh. “How about the swelling in my ankles and feet?” I’ve switched to flats, but it’s still uncomfortable. “It’ll get better after the first trimester, too, right?” “Actually, it’s usually worse later. Apparently, swelling is normal early in a pregnancy, just not common.” “Great.” I frown as I prop myself up on my elbows. “You really looked all this up?” He looks at me like I’ve just asked the world’s silliest question. “Of course I did.” I sigh, feeling satisfied and loved. Yes, I think before I drift off. Of course, he did. I wake in bed to the sound of a helicopter landing in our backyard and remember that Justin has a breakfast meeting in San Diego. But he’d told me he would be back by noon if I needed anything. I can’t imagine what that would be since my entire day is going to consist of working on the Greystone-Branch project in my office, something I fully intend to jump into after I eat the pancakes that Justin left warming for me in the oven. So far, I haven’t had pregnancy cravings, but if I do, I hope it’s for chocolate chip pancakes, because the ones Justin makes are almost as orgasmic as the man himself. By the time I get out the door and into Coop, I’m in the kind of good mood that even the pile-up of traffic on PCH can’t shatter. I make it to my office with a full hour to spare before my interview with Laura, a recent engineering grad, who I’m seriously hoping is going to be as awesome today as she was when I did the first interview. Because if so, I’m offering her the job. I keep Laura’s resume on my desktop while I start working through my list of action items. I’m on number eight by the time eleven o’clock rolls around, and Laura is officially an hour late. I skip lunch, just in case she’s stuck in traffic and her cell phone is dead. She doesn’t show. At two, I call her. She answers on the first ring with, “Yeah?” “Laura? It’s Selena Stark.” “Oh, hey. Hang on.” She must be putting her hand over the microphone because I hear a horrible rustling, then her muffled voice. “No, no, that’s going to Goodwill. But that box needs to go into the truck. Sorry about that,” she says, her voice returning to normal. “You’re moving.” “Um, yeah.” “You know we had an interview today.” “Oh, man. I’m really sorry.” She doesn’t sound sorry. “I’m moving to Silicon Valley, and I need to—no, no, not that box.” “I’ll let you go,” I say. “Good luck.” “Oh, thank—” she begins, but I’ve already hung up and tossed the phone on the desk in disgust. Shit. I’m reaching for the phone to call my second choice when it starts to ring. It’s Frank, and I snatch it up. “Hi. Aren’t you on a plane?” “Delayed. I’m at the gate. What’s wrong?” “Just work stuff.” I’m surprised—and a little impressed—that he could tell that I was irritated. It’s nice in a weird way. Like he really is a parent. “Why are you calling? Just so I can wish you a good trip again?” “Your mother called me.” I’d been rising out of my chair—but now I plunk back down. Hard. “Oh.” “You were right. She’s in town.” He clears his throat. “She—she’s rented an apartment. And she wants to see you.” I clutch the edge of the desk so hard the wood cuts into my hand. “I don’t want to see her.” “I don’t blame you, kiddo. But, ah, I probably shouldn’t have, but I told her you were pregnant. She got wind of the story out of Dallas, and I just—” “It’s fine,” I say, even though it really isn’t. I don’t want her to know. It’s too intimate a secret. Too special. And I’m too afraid that she’ll ruin it. More than that, I’m scared of that tiny part inside of me that—despite everything—wants to hear her congratulations. “Yeah, well, I’m not so sure. I regret it now, anyway. She said—well, she said it would destroy your figure.” The words sound heavy. As if he wishes he could drop them and let them just sink away. “That sounds like Mother. What else did she say?” “She wants you to call her.” “I didn’t call her after she moved. I don’t know why I’d call her now.” “Not arguing. Just passing along the message.” He hesitates, then says, “I’m going to cancel the trip.” “The hell you are. You’re already at the airport. Your bags are already checked.” “I should be there for you. What if she comes to your office? To your house.” “I have Justin,” I say. “Plus, I can take care of myself.” The silence on the other end of the phone is heavy. “I should never have left you. Never left Ashley.” “Stop it. Just stop it.” I manage to keep my voice steady even though my insides are churning merely from the thought that my mother is in the same town as I am. “You’re here for me now, and that’s true even if you are in Europe. You cancel, and it’s like you’re giving her the power. Trust me, Dad. I spent way too much time shifting my life around because of that woman.” “Dad,” he repeats, his voice so soft I almost can’t hear him. With a small shock, I realize it’s the first time I’ve called him that. “Yeah,” I say, my voice just as soft. I clear my throat and force a smile into my voice. “So, anyway, I’ll see you in a few months, okay. I’ll be the one waddling toward you in the airport.” I keep my voice cheery—and I mean what I say—but at the same time, I’m all twisted up inside. She’s here. She’s really here in LA. As soon as we hang up, I start to dial the phone again—then stop. Because it’s not just Justin’s voice I want. It’s the man. I glance at the time—already three. I know he’ll be back from his lunch appointment, and I also know that even if he’s in the middle of a conference call or another meeting, if I ask Rachel to interrupt, he’ll come to me. I hate that I’m even considering interrupting his work. I hate that I’m truly that weak. But where my mother is concerned, dammit, I am. And if I’m going to get through this—if I’m going to keep my head and my emotions on straight—I need him. Dear God, I need him.

I’m not entirely sure how I get to my car, but the next thing I know I’m on the 101 and I’m headed toward downtown. Honestly, my head’s in such a mess, I probably should have called a cab or had Edward pick me up. But I make it downtown without causing a horrific accident, and then take our private elevator all the way from the parking structure up to the penthouse on fifty-seven. I get out of the elevator on the office side, then head straight past the reception desk for the closed door to his office. “Is he alone?” “He’s not here at all,” Rachel says. “I’m catching up on paperwork.” “Not here?” I think back, trying to remember what appointment I’d forgotten. “I thought he was coming back after his lunch.” “That was the plan, but some sort of crisis came up and he had to go to Santa Barbara. Is there a problem? Do you want me to call him?” “I—no.” I must look more shaken than I thought if Rachel is offering to call Justin for me. “I just finished work early and thought I’d entice him into the apartment.” She laughs. “He’s going to be sorry he missed out on that.” “Well, I’m going over there now. When you see him, tell him I’m waiting.” I force a light-hearted wink, and she laughs. “Will do.” I make a point of seeming nonchalant as I head back to the elevator. Normally, I’d walk down the corridor that connects the office side to the apartment’s rear entrance, but that keeps me in Rachel’s sight for longer than I think I can handle. And right now, I’m certain my legs are going to collapse out from under me, and I really don’t want her to see that. The elevator has doors on both sides, and I know that it’s sitting right there, just waiting for me. I want to scream and cry and rant, but I’m pushing all that down, forcing myself to look normal. To act normal. To give absolutely nothing away to Rachel, whose eyes are burning into my back as I press the elevator call button. The office-side door opens, and I step on, then punch in the code to operate the opposite door that enters the apartment. It glides soundlessly open, and I step into the familiar foyer, and as soon as the door closes behind me, I quit fighting. A wave of tumultuous emotions crashes over me, and I sink down to the tile with no goal other than trying to control my breathing. The only ornament in the foyer is a round marble table topped by a stunning flower arrangementthat the office staff replaces weekly. The vase is pottery, and as I climb back onto my feet, I imagine myself ripping at those flowers. Pulling them out and strewing them across the floor, the thorns on the roses scraping my skin and raising a thin line of blood. My arms, lashing out to send the vase crashing to the ground. My knees aching as I kneel on the hard marble floor. As I reach for the shards. As I trace the ragged pottery deeper and deeper along the path the rose cut. As I finally—finally—cling to the pain and let it pull me away from thoughts of my mother. From my fears. From all of the anxiety that swirls around inside of me. My mother. I don’t want her in my head. I don’t want to see her. Most of all, I don’t want to lose myself simply because she’s near. What I want is Justin. I want him here. I want him next to me. And I hate that I’m unreasonably irritated that he’s not here beside me when I need him. I swallow, breathing hard, then pull my phone out of my purse. I start to dial—and then with one violent sob, I hurl the phone across the room, then watch with pleasure as it smashes against the far wall, bits of glass and plastic scattering everywhere. I gasp, choking on a sob. I should be stronger than this. I am stronger than this. But as I crawl to the living room and curl up on the couch, my hand pressed against my abdomen to shield the baby, I know that I’m not. And as the tears stream down my face, I can’t deny that no matter what Justin says, I’m not really strong at all. 15 “Goddammit, Charles, I’m not interested in your best guess. I want some fucking answers. I need to know if she’s really—” Justin’s voice stops, and I stay perfectly still on the sofa, my head still fuzzy from sleep. I realize he must have come in through the rear, and now he’s passing the archway that leads into the foyer. The foyer where the shards of my phone are still scattered all over the floor. “Just get me answers,” he says, his voice low and distracted as he ends the call. I wait, perfectly still, as he whispers, “Selena,” under his breath. Then his footsteps continue, and I realize he hasn’t seen me and is heading for the bedroom. A moment later, he’s back. I’m still on the sofa, my arms clutching a pillow and my eyes toward the floor. But even without seeing him, I can tell that he’s standing behind me. “Oh, baby,” he whispers, then reaches over the couch to brush my shoulder. The touch lasts only a moment, but I soak it in like a tonic, and by the time he’s come around the couch to sit beside me, I’ve propped myself up on the pillow and am reaching for his hand. “I called you,” he says. “I guess now I know why I only got voicemail.” “What time is it?” “Late,” he says. “I came back to pick up a few things, and then I was going to head to Malibu. And to you, I thought. What are you doing here, baby?” The question is simple, his voice steady. It doesn’t matter. I hear the worry in his tone. And I hear the unspoken question, too—What happened, and are you okay? I push myself up, my head full of fuzz. “I came to see you, and Rachel said you’d gone.” I rub my eyes, grainy with sleep. My head aches, and I know it’s the hangover-like effects of a crying jag. “What was in Santa Barbara?” He waves a dismissive hand. “Just work. Just one of a hundred fires that never seem to go away.” “You didn’t text me.” Usually, Justin sends me a text whenever he has to head out unexpectedly. “Sorry about that. I didn’t expect to be gone that long, and I had Charles on the phone for most of the flight there. But I did call. You might not have gotten the message, what with your phone being in a million pieces. Selena,” he says, his tone shifting from light to firm as squeezes my hand. “Are you okay? You didn’t—” “No.” I cut him off firmly, because that answer is absolutely one hundred percent true. “But I wanted to,” I admit, because this is Justin. And because he needs to know. His body goes tense, and his eyes cloud with worry. “What happened?” It takes me a second, but I manage to say, “My mother’s here. In LA, I mean. Really, positively here.” I wanted the words to come out strong so that it at least sounds like I have a handle on this. Instead, my voice is choked. I sound lost. And the moment I see the mix of anger and loathing and regret on Justin’s face, my throat fills with tears, and I sit up so that I can cling to him, letting his body shield me from a reality I really don’t want to face. “Baby. Oh, baby, are you sure?” I nod against his shoulder, damp with my tears. “She called Frank. She wants to see me.” “Fuck that,” he says, his voice so harsh that I actually smile. “Yeah,” I say. “I guess.”

His brow furrows as he studies my face. “Do you want to see her?” “No.” My answer is firm and automatic and true. But then my shoulders sag as another truth follows. “But I want to know what she wants.” “Nothing good, that’s for damn sure.” I draw a breath and sit up straighter because I know he’s right. There is no happy reunion scene in the making. No running across a field to hug my mother. No shopping montage. No tender moment where she helps me paint the nursery. I want that, though. Despite everything, I want it. And the fact that I will never have it weighs heavily on my heart. “Baby—” “No.” I hold up a hand. “You’re right. And I don’t want to think about her anymore. I’m done.” I plaster on a smile, in the hopes that my actual mood will follow. “Why don’t we go away after the premiere tomorrow?” he asks. “Really? Just run away?” He laughs. “Why not? From your mother, from horrible text messages. From everything,” he adds firmly. I should protest. I should point out that I have to work on the Greystone-Branch project because our little peanut is sapping my energy, and I need all the coherent working hours I can gather. I should mention that I need to keep interviewing, and I should spend part of the weekend culling resumes. I should be responsible and just say no. But the idea of escaping for a few days sounds too much like heaven. So instead, I nod. “All right,” I say. “I’m in. Where should we go?” “I was thinking the bungalow,” he says, referring to our darling vacation home at The Resort at Cortez. It’s a Stark Vacation Property that Jackson designed, and it’s amazing. It’s also accessible only by boat or helicopter, and just the idea of getting there makes me ill. “Veto,” I say. “Maybe after morning sickness passes. Not until.” “Fair enough. The Lake Arrowhead house?” I’m tempted, but now that Santa Barbara is on my mind, it’s too enticing to ignore. “Why don’t we go back to the Pearl?” Stark Real Estate owns the Santa Barbara Pearl Hotel, and we’d stayed there recently for Justin’s birthday. But that had been a whirlwind trip. “I feel like we only got an appetizer on your birthday,” I continue. “Now it’s time for the main course.” “A nice thought,” he says. “But let’s put that off for a while.” I lean back to see him better. He hasn’t said anything specific, but I know this man too well. His expressions. His tones. His posture. “Did something happen there today?” “What could have happened?” he asks, which isn’t an answer at all. “What’s going on?” I ask, because now my curiosity is roused. “What was today’s trip about?” “I told you. Just some business with Charles.” “And you don’t want to go to Santa Barbara because . . .?” He stands up. “Dammit, Selena, why don’t you want to go to Lake Arrowhead?” “No.” I stand up, too, my hands on my hips as I stare him down. I’m not sure if my certainty that he’s holding something back is real and rational and based on the fact that I know him so well, or if it’s some sort of pregnancy-induced psychosis. All I know is that, in that moment, I am absolutely, one hundred percent convinced that he is keeping something from me. “Do not try to turn this around on me,” I say, my voice rising. “Tell me what the hell is going on.” “Nothing,” he says in a calmly infuriating way. “There’s nothing going on.” “Bullshit.” I slam my hands up against his chest and give him a light shove. “Do you think I’m blind? Deaf? That I can’t see your face and hear the tone of your voice. I love you, remember? And I know you think you’re protecting me. But dammit, you’re not. All you’re doing is pissing me off.” “Selena . . .” His voice is tight with emotion. “You say I’m strong, but then you build these walls to protect me.” “No—” “And you’re so busy protecting me that you aren’t even here for me.” The words burst out, the anger behind them surprising me as much as Justin. “I came back here needing you, Justin. And you were off chasing some secret bullshit that you won’t even tell me about? No—I’m sorry, but no.” I draw a breath. “We promised each other no secrets—and over and over again you’ve told me that I’m strong enough to handle all the shit that keeps getting piled on us. Was that all smoke and mirrors?” “You know it wasn’t.” “Is it the baby? Do you see me differently now?” “Not differently,” he says, stepping closer, so that I have to back up to keep some distance. “More.” He’s right in front of me, so close I can feel the energy buzzing off him. “You’re the mother of my child, Selena.” “And that makes me weak? That gives you the right to keep secrets from me?” “No—God, Selena, no.” He starts to run his fingers through his hair, but stops and reaches for me instead, looking more lost than I’ve ever seen him. I lean toward him, wanting so desperately to fall into his arms. But I know what will happen. I’ll lose myself in his touch. I’ll drown in his embrace. And I’ll forget my fears and my anger and my worries because the bottom line is that I do know that he loves me. But I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to be coddled. So I shake my head and lift my chin. I look at him through tear-filled eyes. “You made me a promise once, Justin. No more secrets.” I press my hands protectively over my belly. “And no matter what you think, this shouldn’t change that.” I wipe tears away as I rush to the bedroom, expecting him to follow. He doesn’t, though, and my insides twist even more, this time with fear. There’s a gulf between us right now. A gaping chasm filled with uncertainty and secrets, and it’s one that I don’t know how to cross. I don’t even know where it came from. Except I do. And as I press my hand over the baby, my tears start to flow in earnest, because how the hell can we manage as parents if we can’t even manage a pregnancy? It’s a horrible, terrifying thought, and the weight of it pulls me under as I lie there for I don’t know how long, listening to Justin pacing in the other room, then his footsteps coming closer and closer. He pauses in the doorway. “Selena?” His voice is soft. “Sweetheart?” I keep my eyes closed and my breathing steady. I’m tempted to lift my head and roll over so that I can see him, but I’m lost in that space between sleep and wakefulness. And the truth is that I don’t want to emerge from it. Not yet. Not even for Justin. And so I keep my eyes closed and my breathing steady.

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