#i hate myslef so fucking much because of this

[boldlyvoid]

would've could've should've hits me harder than any song that's ever been written and its not the girlhood line. its "the gods honest truth is that the pain was heaven"...

[twilightarcade]

anyways wanna hear about what I've been thinking about

[hubrisbracket]

Hubris Bracket Side A Poll 12: Five Pebbles (Rain World) vs Laerryn Coramar-Seelie (Critical Role: Exandria Unlimited Calamity)

Propaganda below (contains spoilers)

Five Pebbles

in his pride and arrogance he thought he could solve the great problem, he got interrupted during one of his experiments because in the process he was killing one of his neighboring robots (he is a robot btw) and she was asking him to stop, now he blames her because the creature he was making mutated and essentially led to him developing 'the rot' which slowly eats away at his superstructure until it eventually kills him.

hes like a pathetic wet cat to me. guy who tries desperately to break out of his doomed narrative only to doom himself further and drag those he loves down with him. he didn't want this he didn't want any of this but in his rage and arrogance he was blind to the consequences of his actions. and now he stands slowly rotting away while his sister suffers because of his mistakes. he is sooo full of regret and anger and shame i love him

(this one is very long so we have opted to keep its original formatting for reading's sake)

GOD where do i even start with five pebbles…the hubris contained within this bitch…the angst…the regret… for a basic rundown of general rain world stuff, everything in the world is trapped in a looping cycle of life and death. eventually people adjacent things were like "dam this sucks i wanna. kil myslef" and then they dug really deep into the earth and found void fluid which kills you so hard you don't come back. however if youre a bitch or too attached to the earth u turn into a terrifying ghost thing. so the people were like "fuck that lets find a different way to kill ourselves" so they built big supercomputers called iterators then they all killed rhemselves anyways with the kil juice.so you have these godlike teenagers basically locked in bigass boxes just. everywhere every fucking where theres so many.

five pebbles is one of these iterators, and whats special about him is mainly the place and reasons he was built. iterators need a shit fuck ton of water to function (and they exhale a shit fuck ton of water vapor "turning…world, into rain world." -daszombes) so generally iterators aren't placed too close. another iterator named looks to the moon was built very early on, and eventually she couldn't make enough stuff for her people who live on top of her (forgot to mention that) so they fucking. built another iterator RIGHT next to her. pebbles and moon are like siblings, right. hes kind of an angsty guy but i mean his creators literally all killed themselves and left him solving their problem so its ok hes allowed to be. hes like "damn i hate veing trapped in this cycle and shit it sucks" and then there was a very big event that i DO NOT have the time to get into but essentially one of the iterators was like "hey guys i solved the problem" and then she fucking died which is very hard for an iterator to do so everyone had an understandable freakout.

five pebbles was of the opinion that killing herself was the solution so hes like "i have to make them see that killing yourself IS the solution" (killing yourself and/or genetic mpdification are very very taboo topics among iterators) so he goes to one of his close friends and has a real heart to heart about how much he struggles with knowing that his creators CHOSE to leave them all behind and that the iterators are all still here solving their problem even tho they're dead. this friend, in a moment of weakness sends pebbles instructions on how to circumvent the self-destruct taboo (a taboo is like a law coded into every single cell of an iterator) and five pebbles, desperate to prove to himself and others that he isnt just another useless thing that can be abandoned, so he looks at the proper, safe way of doing the procedure and goes "FUCK THAT NOIIIISE" bye running so many parallel processes he consumes five times the amount of water he usually intakes, as well as shutting off all communications. moon, having been dehydrated to the point where he structure is in an awful, awful state, eventually uses a last resort in the form of forced communications, essentially the buggest loudest discord ping of your life. her messages are pleas for pebbles to stop, that he is hurting her, that she WILL die if he continues.

on pebble's end, as he tries to concentrate on his absurd amounts of processes, moon messages crash through his communications network, COMPLETELY shattering his focus. due to the nature of this method, involving genetic modification, what is essentially cancer is allowed to burst free, uncontrolled, from his experiments. they call it the rot. pebbles, having killed his sister and cut off everyone else, desperately tries to cure the illness ravaging his structure, an effort that proves futile.

Laerryn Coramar-Seelie

Laerryn devoted her entire life to making the city of Avalir capable of teleporting to the Upper Planes so that the entire city of mortals would be walking as equals amongst the GODS.

laerryn my beloved. the OG hubris wizard, dead before the story even started & it was her own fault. she used all her city's magic supply to be able to TELEPORT the ENTIRE CITY to a DIFFERENT PLANE because she COULD. because she wanted to prove that SHE COULD. because she thought the gods weren't all that special and wanted mortals to be equal to the GODS THEMSELVES. COME ON. she could have easily made it safe but she was so determined to accomplish this in time that she used way too much magic and put the whole city in danger. she wasn't thinking about safety, she was thinking about what she could accomplish. she also got one of her best friends, who was a husband and a father to a young child, KILLED, due to experimenting on said aforementioned 'attempting to teleport the entire city to a different plane' thing (complete disregard of safety once again). to list her lesser hubris crimes, she neglected her marriage and got divorced bc she was so focused on her work and herself even though she loved her husband dearly and convinced herself she was doing all of this for him, even though this is never something he wanted. also she cast blight on a super important tree that could have saved the world, and destroyed it. and yeah it was because she wanted to protect her friends/out of love/grief BUT she basically set in motion the rest of the events of exu calamity (aka, oh yknow, the DESTRUCTION OF MOST OF THE WORLD) by doing that. by thinking she COULD save her friends by destroying the tree. basically, she thought she knew better when she very much didn't. i'm not saying she caused it (the betrayer gods caused it obvs), but she for sure had a large part to play in the destruction of her own city (and also in saving it, but still). basically i love her. HUBRIS QUEEN.

[spellboundsirens]

idk ranting bc i don’t wanna do it on insta

i cannot. why di i look like that? why dkes my BODY look like that?? why do i see myslef like that? why fid i cry after looking in the mirror naked before my shower? why do i feel such intense guilt after eating? i really don’t think i’m actually anorexic because i actually fucking eat but something’s still wrong with me and i feel lost. i’ve never felt seen or heard even on edblr (even though that sounds vile). i feel like an outcast. i fucking hate everything i CANNOT. i want to rip my skin off. i don’t feel comfutable in it. i feel like everybody’s staring at me and silenly judging me and laughing at me when i walk by. i feel like a fucking whale. i hate this so fucking much i want to be skinny so bad none of you have AHY FUCKING IDEA. i don’t feel comfortable ANYWHERE. school? full of skinny girls. all my frienfs are skinny. edblr?? i’m like 90% sure imm not actually anorexic. home? yeah fucking right. does anybody understand me? like actuslly hear me and see me and get me? i feel so fuckig alone everywhere i go. what dod i ever do to desrvr this? i’m not mean. i’m not a bad person. i don’t think so, at least. why do i feel like this and not HIM?? why not HER?? why ME????

[absolutpurevodka]

i was sacvign the hundredth entry for osmetrhing so specia l but i sjsut need to spit. ill delte this later i guess. i hate myself so much i hate myself and just existing is miserable ot me. i hate living and i hate being myself buefcause im such a fuckign PUSSY and a PUSHVOER and nothing ive ever done hjas bene good. ive always fucked uhit up cuz guess what in thje end ii'll always be the cause of evertones fucking problems. i dont bwana be here anymore. i HATE mtsefl and i dont fucking stnad up for myself befcause i know i fi do shit will just get worse and i'll uck myslef up over and o ver again because little fucking dylan doesnt konw how to properly xpress himself like a man. hes still a little boy. ap ussy. a fiucnkgi rug for people to step on and clcean their dirt on before just walking awway

dread. dreasd is all i feel all the time brecause i am fully aeware of how bad things are gonna hapepn to me the moment im happy and content with bebing alive. it's one of the reasons i dont fucking decserve to be alive bevuasse im just os fucking miserable all the time.

i' mripping my fucking hair out I JHATE LIVING I HATE MYSELF AND I HATE BEING MYSLEF

im so done

[bleakbluejay]

maybe i'm just saying so because i am wizard high at the moment

but i'm actually kinda cool. aren't i? because like. i have a fucking GREEN MOHAWK. i wear cool dark bold makeup that takes cue from other cool people like trad goths and punks, but is still distinctly my own. same for my fashion! i have such cool fashion! it's gotten lazy with the gym shorts bc of managing my residual limb, but like. almost always all black, with skulls on my shoes (or boots!), sometimes fishnets, ripped jeans or dykey black shorts, the most badass t shirts you can imagine with the coolest designs -- skulls and decay and roses and poppies and bold colors and all depicting the things I love, my mothman sweater, my mushroom sweater, my button-ups, my sheer mesh undershirt covered in velvet rosettes, my tendency and love for layering and accessories, my big metal leg with the mandalorian on it (also something very cool). i LOOK like that. and i'm so silly and so funny!! silly funny people are the best people i always say. ive got amazing taste in music that i'm so excited all the time to listen to (i am listening to "cadilac car" by playboy manbaby btw if you cared). and im so nice, i'm one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet i think. at least i try to be! i am so full of wanting to be helpful and being friendly. who cares if i talk too much??? im talking about cool shit!! im talking about cultures and bones and epic fantasies and vide o games and animals and music and all of those things are so cool!! i've held bones that are tens of thousands years old and older! isn't that cool? i've seen amazing things like the ozarks and the great lakes and the pacific ocean and the atlantic ocean and the grand canyon and meteor crater and so many animals and so much art and so many beautiful faces and so much of everything and everything is so awesome! im a witness to the beauty of the world :) and the world is awesome and i'm awesome and my freinds are awesome

i spend so much time hating myslef which is so stupid because im so cool. all the aspects about myself i hate i love in others! so what's the problem, elliot, dipshitt???? get over it and love you!

[mylastwords777]

Tw???? Vent??? Idek

I how much I pick my sick I have welts all up and down me from doing it so much especially on the backs of my arms because I have kp and I don’t even like do it how you would guess I use tiny tweezers and n js pick at any little imperfection till it bleeds or hurts I don’t know it that’s dermatillomania cuz I’m not gonna be that person who self diagnosis themselves but it really fucking sucks I hate how it looks it hurts sk bad and I do it without even thinking I catch myself doing it in the car, In the bath, in my bed, On the couch I’ve tried to stop n I js can’t I hate myslef

[squashsquashed]

trauma dump because im losing my mind and no one’s listening

idk if im manic definitely feeling a bit psychotic rn . everyone in this house treats me like a fuckinh nanny cleaning and shit just cause i’m homeless . the dishes have been in the dish washer for 2 days clean and everyone has been home except me . i hate the.bitch i live with because she’s a fucking spoiled brat that does coke all day and drinks and never cleans after her self. she even curses at her parents that pay for her college and car and gas and food . mY FUCKING MOTHER MADE ME BUY FOOD FOR HER AND PAY FOR GROCERIES my mom would beat me if i even tried to curse at her . im only here because my families house is an episode of hoarders and i was being woken up everyday asked for money . my money was getting taken out of my bank account cause my mother expects me to take care of her . i have no one . i have no parents or friends im on my last fucking shit rn i have so much trauma i relive everyday . i can’t even go back to my moms because she took my room and ruined it to the point u can’t even see the floor . my sister sleeps on the couch there . there’s cat pee all over the floors and majority of the food is expired . and my mom acts like im supposed to be there struggling with them all. i don’t know whether to kill myslef or killevrryome else that has fucked up my life .

i have no car , no money , and everything that i have feels like it’s just gonna get taken away from me like it always has

i grew up as a kid praying every night to some fake ass god to not take our house away and praying my mom would win the lottery so we can live in. a clean nice home with food . what ever fucking god the rich prays to is NOT my god .

my mom has a warrant out for her arrest because she bounced a check trying to buy us food when i was 8. i vividly remember her screaming crying on the phone in the car outside the grocery store to the people . i can’t go through anything else .

crying everynight after we got evicted from our last house after i watched my mom have an affair on the only person keeping the family financially stable because her selfish ass . and she thinks that it was good i went through all this . she grew up perfect in a perfect family with a big house and they always went on vacation. and she thinks nothing i went through should effect me

fuckinh sleeping on the floor for months because i didn’t want to share a bed with her . begging for a therapist for years only for her to put it off

getting told i was the reason she wanted to kill herself when i was 14 . getting called a bum and useless when i was 15 just cause i was depressed . her knowing i was attempting for years and not doing anything except telling me if i did die we couldn’t afford a funeral. is this shit not supposed to fuck me up .

so much more . i don’t have family i don’t know my dad i hate living in general and i really don’t feel the need to keep going .

all the fucked up people that have ruined my life have never said sorry . while i apologize for existing everyday

[daisybell9000]

all you do is get me to watch movies that ruin my life /j IBFHDEJGEIUBHJWQRIBHEFUHIERUHIEFFWIUHFEWJNFEWJINEFJRI OH MYMGODDDDDD. youre right i do love mr hal 9000 more than edgar but oh my god. i love them btoh so much neitehr of them deserved that. dies. kills myslef. the va for edgar did such a good job uhg they did a great job at making his voice robotic but still dripping with emotion and it makes me want to kill myself!!!!! kicsks and screams and cries and kills myself then you. good movie i enjoyed it very much because edgar was fucking awesome sauce !! he ewas the real star four eels!!!!! ur riht tho i fucklking hte miles he is genuinely such an unlikable protagonist 😭 Madeline was ok her only flaw was liking miles. they should have killed him and let Edgar and Madeline run away together

MILES I HATE YOU I HATE YOU. Mr Hal 9000 will always be my favorite but Edgar is just like. He's just a guy. His VA is also really good like you said. Why do all the machines die at the end...sniffle sob

[olgunny]

I just did joyful secret stuff or new stuff whatever and maaaan. I’m going to personally smash ricks head into the concrete. me personally, by my hand so it’ll be okay. I get to do that. i’m mad but happy we got to see what we did. Maybe i’m to much of a rick apologist but I can see at least a bit where he’s coming from. I’ve always wanted to write out something about ricks whole “cleansing” but I’m just not good with words. I don’t have the brain for it. BUT THE THING ISNT ABOUT RICK it’s got everyone involved but I just wanted rick to SHUT UP please. I’m gonna review the footage tomorrow more because i’m too worked up tonight. but, i’m happy I got to see the uncles.

old rick in the pink suit is something i’ve wanted for so long. I was gonna make it myslef. i’ve drawn it a couple of times but i’m not good at art. I was so stoked on that blue door leading to something with the uncles since the trailer came out. AND I WAS HALF KINDA TECHNICALLY RIGHT??? I just knew blue door??? looks like the rick dooooor…..

but Idk. I’m rambling like a bitch. But i’m gonna kill rick grab him by the collar of his shirt and just fuck him up. I understand that mf during wayne’s first lisa stream upon seeing rick on the screen for the first time saying like fuck rick all my homies hate rick. I get it now i’m gonna pummel him w ya now.

I get to do this because he’s my favorite character we are not the same . It’s okay when I do it

[mycomori]

there’s a pet of me that feels so fucking broken and wrong and all of it points to my being nd but it doenst sementì matter ti anyone anywyas i what’s the point. but fi i had a diagnosis…if i had anything to support me, if i even tried, maybe? i dotn knwk shut it makes me so upset and sick and angry and i wnag rn scatena and cry because i feel broken i’ve always felt broken but i don’t think i’m autistic but like say i am h it if i amos that relaly sombad but it fits in so many ways gaht ri trauma or both i don’t know i don’t know and apparently cotsd also does that too it so just knows together into a bad fucking mental health soul jsidenme it’s fucke sand j hate it j hate myself and i hate being like this i wang to fucking scream thinking about it hiking how i was fucjing fred dirk w job i worked at dor

TWO years Nas busted my as sag i tried sir

icing hard but it was never nekuhh j hate it j ahtw ti ii hate them i hate hyatt they did tjag yahg to em j hate that i elt them i hate them i hate them inage them i ahtw myslef i am like vir ray nb

rage rn im a i don’t know

imnot really even seeeinv anything right now j see mh fi where much g hit jot hint else j don’t know any or ei needs to stol this i ajye this j hate myself i hate it he and tnn in fuckjng scream and grunt myself and i want i fucjing scream af ten fuck them duxkt

hem

u k fuck thefuck fuck themFUCK THEM

[p-o-t-g]

Yeah, no one would ever care if you don’t show them. I mean, it was more than enough time for me and now i need to stop. Because since i stopped, we are better. No me, but we are. So just like this, i don’t mess up no one. And everyone can keep talking the other that can help them. You know, not me but, i can not be close with anyone. Its sad, but truth. I am not the best person to be close with. Everybody likes me tho, everybody, yeah. Everybody likes me. Everybody likes me. Everybody would be attached to me until, they finally get better and gets away from me. And its perfect, fucking perfecr thats perfect so good i am so happy so happy i am so happy yes i am definetly don’t want anyone to be close to me because otherwise i could ruin them with my problematic personality becuase whenever it came out, everyone starts to complain. Thats why, i don’t need to share any damn thing. If i am bad at comforting, i cannot be comforted either. Its making my blood boil so bad. I can’t keep the anger inside of my body. I hate it so much, its so gross, i hate it its gross. I hate it i hate it i hate it this feeling but more of it, i really am so angry to everything. I am angry to them ghosts, but i do not have any right to feel this way i know damn well this feeling nonsense and there is no point to talk about, so i don’t. And also,if it’ll happen, it will happen every way. So literally no point to talk OR think about but my mind, i can not stop this feeling, its inaccessible. Fuck i am going insane and i don’t want to do or say something that will make things bad but physically i shake from this anger. Fuck fuck fuck fuck i feel like i need to throw up the anger is so much i can’t hold it i don’t know what tod o i just don’t know i know its nonsense and not important i know this i really do but my feelings is different oh ghosts its so bad i don’t think i am able to express myself well but its just making me mad so mad so mad so mad my whole body shaking i can’t think anything else but just suffer so bad so bad suffering so bad when is this gonna end its so bad ghosts i cant do it fuckm stop iy please stop it please please so bad please stop it please ghosts stop it  its too much too damn much i act like an obsessive asshole but damn it its just getting worse i suffer myslef maybe. I know its uncomfortable for them so i choose not to talk about bt, THEN WHO THE FUCK AM I GONNA TALK ABOUT ALL OF THIS GHOSTS? WHO? WHO IS WITH ME GHOSTS FUCKING WHO? I KNOW EVERYONE TRIES BUT I JUST HATE TO TELL THEM. I ALSO WANT TO TELL A LOT BUT I JUST CAN’T BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING TO DO AND THEY WILL BE WORSE I KNOW THEY WILL, ONE DON’T HAVE TIME AND ALL OTHERS TRIGGERS WITH EVERYTHING I FUCKING SAY GHOSTS THERE IS JUST NO ONE I CAN TELL ABOUT IT AND I WANT THAT.

i really wanted that.

But no one is close to me anymore, thanks to ME again.

no one.

I don’t want someone who will feel bad or trigger and feel bad about MY PERSONAL THINGS.

i want someone i can tell without concern.

Is it really that hard to find someone like that?

I mean, i had one but, i kinda lost him and did really bad things, i really did, bad things. I lost one of the most rare friends i have just because i don’t know any fucking thing about feelings and just make him feel SO BAD i am a really selfish asshole for not noticing his emotions and not just give A NORMAL response. Instead, i literally played with him for my emotions. 

I am, someone that no one should get close. Like, really close.

But, i know i should not tell anyone anything about me because its all nonsense. Still, i would want someone that i can tell almost everything, without the concern of making things worse. But its impossible because i am a person like that. Who will never make it a conversation without making worse and worse and make the other feel bad.

Just

Just i wish, i was someone who deserve good things for herself.

And not need to destroy herself.

Inside, eating inside. I am good with actions, with words, maybe if i try hard, even with looks. Because i need to look like it. 

I am...

a little tired ghosts.

just a little tired, thats all.

I can,

find a way, i hope, and not get worse, but it is really getting hard.

Cutting.

Every second, i want to cut myself more ghosts.

Every fucking second i should be proud with my friends, i get jealous so bad that i can end my fucking existence.

Every. Fucking. Second.

Its the grossest feeling i taste ghosts, with every word, every good thing that they tell me about themself. Making me feel nothing about proud or happiness but a big fat disgust about myself.

I really wanted to feel good for them but,

i am not a friend material, so, 

sorry everyone.

I just can’t do it.

This feeling so big that i am not capable of doing anything to stop or reduce it.

I swear its making me feel worse than it should i know that, i shoudln’t be feeling this way at all. 

Still,

I want to kill myself every time someone tells something they do better than me, which is, everything i don’t do not matter if i can or not. Or discuss about their similar interest, this is also includes everything, i don’t have interest or just don’t know, which is just making me stupid and  illiterate in every damn topic.

I feel so humiliated, so stupid, so bad, sometimes just a girlfriend who give kisses do sex and not a damn other thing. Because they do share similar interests and alike. And they, unlike me, do discuss things a lot and do things together a lot and this facts makes me feel horrible more than everything. 

I just feel so humiliated, stupid, gross, useless, lazy, untalented, a whole dissapointment, desperate, disgusting...

I wish i wouldn’t feel like this ghosts.

I hate it so much.

so much

[katanyktos]

i hate it here

maybe i just need a good cathartic cry

maybe i just need to stop living in wait of something

maybe i should just

i dont know

im going to clean the bathroom later, its full of people now.

i just... why cant i get out of this

i feel so shameful and guilty

i hate myself for how i react to things.

he doesnt understand

he doesnt understand anything

he doesnt talk to me like he used to

and he just makes me

so impossibly mad

i dont know

i know that under every layer in the end i am the one whos lacking behind, i am the one in the wrong

i dont know what to do about it besides the one thing that im having real trouble doing.

oh god maybe i AM an addict.

if i can accept this awful damning PRIVATE and SECRET label, maybe im going to be able to deal with my problems.

im sitting in my room unable to write cause i need to clean the bathroom first, and unable to clean it because my roommates are getting ready for the night. i shouldnt have waited. i should have cleaned the bathroom immediately as soon as i remembered. i fucking hate it here.

i dont know how to deal with myself yet.

i wish i could write down what i did last time, so i could follow the istructions and be alreight every single time. but there are no instructions. none that i know of. every time the rules of the game change. i dont know what to do with myself besides waiting.

maybe i should practice mindfulness or sone shit. i CANT live my life waiting.

i dont know what to do.

he

why dous he do this to me? why did i do this to myself? why... why am i doing this to myself?

i really nedd to treat myslef like an addict. i need. i dont know.

i need my boy. he doesnt understand. he doesnt understand how much he means to me. too much to spend my time with him being idle on the phone. i... i dont know what to DO with myself!

[pettyprocrastination]

if one more person tries to say some “he truly loved you” shit about my stepdad I’m getting fucking arrested

[bonezsoup]

sup

ayyyyyyy back at it again with an obscure blog post that no one will ever read :DDD not like id want them to anyway. anyway, i feel so fucking alone, i feel like i cant trust anyone. i dont have complete trust in anyone and theres no one i can really go to, hence why im being a weirdo and typing this shit like anyone cares. but besides that, i hate school. so. much. not even because of the work, its not hard. its because i cant talk to people, and seeing them being able to interact with eachother so easily makes me want to throw up. not cause i hate them or anything, but because i hate myself for not being able to be normal. all no noises GOD ALLL THE NOISES!!!!!!! tapping, talking, phone dinging, typing, ITS ALL SO LOUD!!!!! it makes me feel like im going to fucking explode i want to rip my hair out why is EVERYTHING SO LOUD FUCK!!!!!!!! fuck fuck fuck. my head is already so fucking loud so going into a building with hundreds of students all talking at the same time is like stabbing myself in the brain. i8t hurts, its so overwhelming. anyways, everyone really close to me (friend wise) has tried to leave me at some point and ive never been able to fully trust anyone ever again. is there something wrong with me? am i a disgusting, revolting, peice of shit that pretends to be a human? i am. i cant stop it. theyre so loud. fuck i sound crazy good thing no one will read this. its my little secret haha. anyways, i have these little guys in my head (no im not schizophrenic or anything), theres zack, the reassuring positive voice, and damien, a manifestation of all my bad thoughts. damien is just the punching bag in my brain, anytime i have a bad thought i blame on him and hes fucking pissed at me for it but i can control anything he does so HA. if i say damien told me to kill myslef and he bitches at me for it, its not like theres anything he can do, hes not even real! fuck. anyways, i genuinly feeol so alone all the time and going to scholl just makes me want to absolutely burst. why cant i be normal? why cant i talk? am i a horrible person? is there somehting wrong with me? why cant i just act like everyone else??? i dont want to be ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just. fuck.

[kidfoundonstreets]

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AGHHH GHGG HJHKJHGHH oKAY FDORCING MYSLEF TO TYPE AND TRY TO WORD MY THOUHJTS im just blankly staring at the screen but im feeling so much pain  what. the hell. just when i started to like noelclaire too. i got so attached fuuuukc how do i even start processing all of that. okay first about ashe. i have a feeling he’s remembered the stories somehow. the demons seem to do this over and over and i don’t think it’s limited to the scenarios we saw. it’d explain the line where he said “this too” ofc there are others but my brain just feels too fried right now. with all of the lengths and stuff he said and ghrgggggggggggggggggggg he also knows so much about the mansion justi dont know its a feeling. i dont really have anything complete to back it up i guess but its just what i think the way this man faked his entire death. did he somehow find a doll. hhhhhhhhhhhhh and god i cant even word or say anything right now but the way that noel cared so much about claire he was absolutely willing to do it all he wasnt lying one bit when he said he’d do anything for her the time that he spent with her changed his entire life and the loyalty didnt fade throughout all the 12 years how how ho like same with sirius in a way if we’re saying that.............. was it even 12 years? if this has been going on for longer like i said this all just assumption then hhgkj yea it was 12 years im bad at analyzing but if he was in hell how did he become the way he did now FUCK THE WAY THAT HE SPENT THE TIME WITH HER IN HER IDEAL FANTASY LAND JUST BEING HAPPY SEEING HER HAPPY AND BEING PERFECTLY CONTENT WITH JUST LISTENING TO HER. THE GUY REALLY LOVED HER AND IT MAY HAVE BEEN ONE SIDED OR IT MAY HAVE BEEN UNHEALTHY IN A WAY HOW SHE’S THE ONLY ONE IN HIS LIFE WHO KEPT HIM STABLE BUT IT’S REALLY HGHRKJHJLKJ AND CLAIRE. AGAIN. HAD NO. IDEA. SHE WAS JUST SPENDING COMPANY WITH A FRIEND IM SO DONE HGHGERHJEKHRLKHGRILOGHEWIOTHQ3OIRH3QOIR3Q2 I COULD KEYSNMASH A THOUSNAD TIMES HERE BUT THATD JUST FILL UP THE POST AND MAKE IT EVEN MORE NONSENSICAL BUT NOEL DIDNT EVEN GET TO ACHIEVE WHAT HE WANTED IN THE END THATS WHAT REALLY HURTS TOO BECAUSE ASHE JUST COULDNT GO WITHOUT THE WITCHS HEART EVERY SINGLE TIME AND NOEL IS ALWAYS TOO LATE TO WHATEVER HE WANTS TO DO. ITS ALWAYS LIKE THAT NOT ALWAYS LIKE THAT IM JUSHGHKJHIH noel kills me so so bad. so. bad. so so so so bad. he doesnt care about himself when it comes to claire. even if she doesnt even remember him and everything that happened in the past as long as claire is smiling he’s smiling and i  how badly was your life to get so attached to someone that treated you like someone special  NOELCLAIRE IS REALLY REALLY TRAGIC AND I STILL LIKE IT BUT AGHHJGH IS THERE REALLY NO OTHER WAY FOR THIS STORY TO END WITHOUT SOMEONE DYING OR WITHOUT NOEL NEVER LEAVINF THE PLACE I HATE THIS GAME AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA