#i hate that i have to work a second job while im in school

[ramshacklefey]

Physically, I am getting through it.

Mentally, I am laying on the ground kicking my feet and screaming that it isn't fair.

[myspacebrat]

Destructive solution

Steddie x virgin fem!reader

summary: after becoming roommates with your high school crush and finally getting out of your crazy strict parents house, you get a little too close to him and his best friend (your coworker) —but they’re straight, right?

warning: SMUT 18+ MDNI, female masturbation, mmf threesome, oral sex (m & f receiving), fingering (m & f receiving), unprotected p in v sex, unprotected p in a sex, dom & sub dynamics, they’re all love sick for each other, controlling parents, one little suicide joke, reader has no game but she’s a pervy virgin, she’s also clueless about sexuality but does admit to having bi thots

A/N: This took way too long, I wrote a whole other story just to hate it and delete it all, Im happy I did because I like this plot way more. Please let me know what you think. I also did way too much “bisexual threesome porn” searches for “research purposes” cough cough for this lmao

It was your second week of working at family video. Instantly falling into a routine of stocking returned tapes back on the shelves and cleaning down surfaces and windows. It wasn’t your first choice of work but with your situation, you would take anything you could get. You’ve been saving up money since summer to finally move out of your parents house, they’ve treated you like a child for far too long and now that you’ve decided to take a gap year and not pursue college like they had hoped you would, they are even worst. If they’re not ramming information about different colleges and courses you should be taking down your throat, they’re criticizing your music taste, your friends and the clothes you wear. Nothing is ever good enough which is why you need this job, so you can find an apartment and break free from your parents metaphorical shackles they’ve placed on you since birth.

The one good thing about your job is your co-workers, Robin and Steve. You usually work with one or the other but the days you get to work with both are always hysterical. Robin is the best always willing to go the extra mile to be sure you know exactly what you’re doing, Steve is sweet and a little bit of a flirt but you know his reputation and well it’s probably just second nature to him at this point, you don’t overthink it since he tends to flirt with the customers too. But god is he gorgeous, you totally get lost in his eyes when he’s talking to you. Not having much experience with boys is the reason you are terrible at flirting back, the most experience you have is making out with Christopher Malone at church camp when you were 15, he might have also cupped your left boob but still, it’s not much to go off of and putting yourself out there to the male species seems a whole lot harder then just being alone.

It’s a lovely Monday morning when you show up to family video. You work one on one with Steve today which always gives you butterflies, even going as far as stuttering like a lame-o when he talks to you, he was always asking personal questions or for your opinions on things and it would always take you by surprise, thus the stuttering

Steve went to Hawkins high with you, both of you sharing a math class where you said all but five words to each other—but working closely side by side was so different. Using a lot of free time to have conversations, and by conversations you mean him talking while you twirl your finger in your hair as you stare into his eyes and at his lips, pretending like you’re paying attention.

“Hello, y/n” his hand waving in front of your face making you snap out of whatever daydream you were having

“Oh, sorry! I-I was thinking about-“ you stahl as you try to make up something on the spot

“About what?” He says as he lifts his eyebrows and puts his hands on his hips

“I was trying to remember if I turned my curling iron off” you spit out

“Mmm” is all he says as he nods his head, giving you a knowing look, almost like he could read your mind. God, you’re so thankful he can’t do that

“So what is it you were saying, sorry” you say as your cheeks turn pink with embarrassment

“I was saying my buddy Eddie is actually looking for a roommate, he just moved into an apartment and I guess his job cut some hours so he’s kinda desperate to find someone, and I remember you telling Robin you were trying to get out of your folks house, so I figured I’d let you know”

“Eddie as in Eddie Munson?” You say as your eyes widen

“Yup that’s him” Steve says as he rubs the back of his neck

“U-um yeah, okay, can I get his number from you?” Your cheeks now a dark crimson red

You had the biggest crush on Eddie Munson in high school, sure he was “the freak” or “the bad boy” but something about him always enticed you, you would look for him in the halls, cafeteria and assemblies. You locked eyes with him on more than one occasion and every time, you felt your heart practically stop, you even contemplated buying weed just for a chance to talk to him, but you chickened out at the last minute

You weren’t sure if living with your high school crush was a good idea but you were also desperate, and maybe this could be your chance to finally get to know Eddie, if not intimately then maybe just as friends

“Yeah, I’ll write it down and give it to you at the end of our shift, just remind me” he says as he gives you a smile

The day drags on and finally at 4:30pm you’re clocking out and gathering your things to head out, as you walk up to Steve to bid him a “bye, enjoy the rest of your day” as you usually do, he turns around from the counter to slip you the number he promised you earlier, as you go to grab it your finger tips touch and you can’t help but get shy, as you look up at him and then look down at your shoes with an embarrassingly big smile on your face.

“T-thanks for this, really it means a lot” you say as you wave the number in your hand

“Yeah no problem, just give him a call and tell him I sent you” he says with a wink that makes your face heat up

“Thank you again, have a good day” you say as you rush out of there, kicking yourself for being so awkward

Once you get home, you head for the kitchen to use the house phone. Your parents never even allowed you your own private phone for your room, and luckily they weren’t home to hear your conversation, they’d lose their minds if they knew you could possibly be moving in with a boy, but for now what they don’t know won’t hurt em’

As you dial the number with shaky hands and a rapidly beating heart, you give your self a tiny pep talk “be cool” “just relax and be cool” as you inhale and exhale a deep breath. The line rings exactly three times before you hear a groggy voice on the other end

“Hello?” -—Wow his voice is so sexy— “no, nope get it together, remember, be cool” you think to yourself

“Helloooo?” Eddie says breaking you out of your thoughts

“Oh, sorry yes um- this is y/n, I work with Steve and he gave me your number because I’m looking to move out and he said you’re looking for a roommate?” You have never wanted to go lay in oncoming traffic so bad

“Mm, Steve gave you my number?” You can hear the smirk on his lips

“Yeah, I’m sorry is that not okay?” — god you wish you could just disappear in this moment

“No, no it’s okay! So when do you wanna come over? I can show you the place and we can go over rent and whatnot” his tone of voice almost sounds eager, but Steve did say he was desperate to find someone

“I can head over in a couple hours, if that’s okay?” You timidly ask

“Cool, cool that works”

After he gives you the address and you hang up, you rush to your room to get ready, you are not going to this meeting in your work uniform

So you freshen up a bit and change into something more you

Deciding on a rainbow band cropped muscle shirt — the shirt your parents always gave you shit for, because one it was “too short” and two “it was the devils music”

You paired it with some black high waisted shorts and a black belt, and then shoved on your white Reeboks, spraying some perfume before you rush out to your little blue ford pinto, the one nice thing your parents did for you—buying it for you your senior year just to get to and from school

The apartment was about a 12 minute drive. You pull up to a brick complex building with a little stoop, it looked fancier then you were expecting, two big pots with beautiful purple flowers on either side of the entrance door— before you are able to walk in you have to be buzzed in by the occupant, so you press the button by B13 and instantly hear Eddie’s voice through the contraption

“Come on up” he says before you’re even able to speak, you hear the door click and you open it— immediately being welcomed by a staircase, you walk up to apt B13, but before you lift your hand to knock you take some deep breaths, Readying yourself for this interaction with a boy you were love sick for almost all of high school

By the first knock, the door swings open and your met by Eddie, and holy hell did he still look as beautiful as he did then, maybe even more so, his hair was a little longer and by what you could tell under the sleeves of his Iron Maiden shirt he definitely filled out more, a little more muscular and maybe even a little taller whatever it was, was turning you into an idiot because you couldn’t stop your eyes from roaming all over his body, his signature black jeans with the rips in the knees and woah is that a bulge? “Okay—okay stop it right now!” You think to yourself, once you look up into Eddies eyes you realize he’s doing the same, ogling your legs and exposed thighs and sliver of skin between your shorts and shirt.

That somehow gave you the confidence to speak first— “hi, I’m y/n” you say as you hold out your hand for him to shake

“I know, we went to school together, right?” He says as he sticks his hand out to meet yours

“Yeah we did, we did— didn’t think you’d remember me” you say still shaking his hand

“I always remember a pretty face” he says back and your panties instantly grow a wet spot— because holy shit, did he just call me pretty?

You want to say something back and be flirty but all you can give him is a little giggle as both of your hands separate from that excessively long hand shake

“Come on in” he finally says as he gestures you in first

You giggle again as you say “thank you”

As you walk inside your eyes scan the place, it was really nice and you could totally see yourself living here, way nicer than anything you could get alone. There’s a few horror movie and band posters hung up around the living room— some fangoria and heavy metal magazines placed on the coffee table, a nice grey couch and a tv setup in front, even a record player with a crate full of vinyls. As you’re busy eyeing the place Eddie is busy eyeing you—looking a little too long at your back side than would be considered appropriate

As you turn around you catch him, eyes still trained on your ass, your cheeks flush and your heart starts beating a mile a minute again, but you give him a smile as you tell him how nice the place is

“Do you want the tour?” He asks, as his eyes are now eyeing your muscle tank

“Yes, please” you say with too much excitement as you bounce from the heels to the balls of your feet making your boobs bounce, which did not go unnoticed by Eddie

But before he began the tour, eyes still trained to your shirt—he points to it

“I like your shirt—I uh, didn’t know you listened to that kind of music” he says as he looks back up into your eyes

Eddie’s nervousness was giving you some kind of boost of confidence because before you could rethink your next words, they’re tumbling out

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Eddie” you say with a smirk as you turn around signaling to him that you’re ready for the tour

As he shows you around, you both can’t help but sneak peaks of each others bodies, you almost couldn’t concentrate on anything else—until he showed you the vacant room, it was a very decent size and could very well fit all of your belongings and then some

“It’s perfect” you say beaming up at him

“Yeah, this place has pretty big rooms, huh?” He says back as he smiles down at you

“So do you wanna go over the bills and stuff now?”

You look back at him with the most beautiful smile he thinks he’s ever seen

“So does that mean I’m moving in?” You squeak out with pure excitement

“Yeah, it does—by the way, when’s the soonest you can start moving your stuff in? You know for rent purposes, the mechanic shop I work at thought it’d be a good idea to hire a couple more people so they cut my hours back” he says with a glum look you wish you could kiss right off

“Oh, well I can start moving little things in by tomorrow, but I need to find someone to help with the bigger things like my bed and dresser”

“Me and Steve could help—if you wanted” he spits out a little faster then he anticipated

“Oh my god, I would be indebted to you both forever, if you did” you say with your best puppy dog eyes

“Yeah I can think of some ways you can cash in that debt” he says with a smirk that makes a chill run down your spine and a place between your thighs throb—you swallow before you smile back at him

“Let’s go sit so we can talk” he says as he does the same “after you” gesture he did when you first walked in

After you both talk about the expenses you’d be splitting and some rules he has which consisted of

Food—you can have whatever of his you want just make sure to ask first and you agreed, that he could do the same. No smoking weed on the balcony, the neighbors like to complain about the smell—but you assured him you don’t smoke, so that doesn’t really apply to you. Last one always let him know when you’re going to have company over, after agreeing and shaking hands he walks you out and before you go to leave he gives you a hug and whispers close to your ear

“I’ll see you tomorrow” goosebumps instantly rising from your skin, you nod and give him a smile before you walk off to your car

As you make your way back home, you try to go over what the hell just happened. You haven’t felt this giddy in your life, you’re about to move in with Eddie fucking Munson, you weren’t sure if you wanted to pull over to do a happy dance or pull over to puke from the nerves that have just swarmed through your stomach at the thought of seeing him everyday, sharing a bathroom with him, holy shit— sleeping in the next room over from him, oh my god you didn’t think about all of this before, what if he sees all your flaws and gets disgusted by you— okay, stop no overthinking, this is your chance to finally be your own person, live your life for yourself and maybe Eddies the perfect person to show you how to let loose.

After Eddie and Steve helped you move your heavier items in—one of your first debts was treating them to burgers and fries for dinner. After grabbing everything from your parents house you left your new number for them to be able to contact you. Moving out the week they were on a work trip, not wanting the confrontation—but you were an adult and you are allowed to move out without permission, you knew once they found out they’d completely cut off contact with you, but you still held out hope that your parents could be decent humans, someday.

But now that you’re settled in, Eddie mentioned a tradition him and Steve have every Saturday, horror movie night. Being around both of the guys you get butterflies for might be a little overwhelming, but you’ve grown to love their company so it should be a good night.

Since it’s your first, you’ve been put in charge of picking the movies—settling on the serpent and the rainbow and fright night. You’ve decided on a whim that you’re gunna look good tonight, maybe that was a terrible idea but you wanted to be desirable, you want to feel sexy and for them to see you as such, so there’s not harm in wearing some cute little pajamas—enfaces on the little

As soon as you got home from your shift you cleaned up a little bit and then hopped in the shower to clean the long day off, once out you used some sweet smelling body lotion and spritzed some perfume on your neck and wrists—finally changing into an off white silk two piece accustomed with some ruffles on the end of the short shorts, showing off the underside of your butt—the top was very cropped and you’ve decided to go without a bra, it just looked better that way, you paired the whole ensemble with white knee high socks. After brushing and drying your hair, you give yourself a once over in the full length mirror that is hanging behind your door, you felt sexy—for the first time in your life, you could kiss your best friend Rachel for getting this pajama set for you on your birthday. The confident thoughts that entered your head left as quickly as they came, now you’re questioning how this makes you look—“am I going to look desperate” “are they going to know I’m dressing up for them?” Oh god I hope not

Before you could overthink any further, there’s a knock at your door—you were so focused you almost jumped out of your skin

“Y-yeah?” You ask trying to catch your breath

“Can you come set up the movie while I get the snacks ready?” Eddie asks from the other side of the door

“Yeah, of course! I’ll be right out”

It’s now or never, either you stop being a pussy and get some confidence or you’ll be stuck as the little virgin forever— so you take a deep breath and walk out into the living room to set up fright night first. Steve called 30 minutes ago to say he’d be on his way soon, so he should be here any minute. As you’re fiddling with the remote and pausing it on the fbi warning— Eddie walks out of the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn in hand—

“Hey, hope you like butte-“ “woah” he said almost dropping the bowl of popcorn as his eyes descend along your figure in the little pajama set

“You um, you look nice” he says as he looks down, setting the popcorn bowl on the coffee table

“Thanks” you say with a shy smile— can’t tell if that’s a good reaction or not, but you’ll take it

“I uh, I’m gunna go use the bathroom, can you buzz Steve in when he comes?” He says as he rushes off

“Sure” was all you were able to get out before he disappeared down the hallway

About 5 minutes go by and you hear the buzzer go off— it’s Steve, you answer and buzz him through, you open the door and wait for him to come up—but as you wait you get preoccupied with cleaning off the dining table

You hear the door shut behind you, signaling that Steve is now inside, as you turn to look at him, he’s giving you the same look Eddie did earlier before he headed off to the bathroom

“Hey” you say with a little wave

He walks towards you with a 12 pack of beer in his hand as he looks you up and down, making a chill run through your body

“Well hello” he says as he walks up standing right in front of you “don’t you look nice tonight”

“Oh, um thanks” you say as you take the 12 pack from him

“I’ll put these in the fridge” you say heading into the kitchen “Eddie’s in the bathroom—just make yourself comfy”

After pulling out three beers for you and the guys— you put the pack in the fridge and head back to the living room— you see Steve and Eddie immediately stop their conversation once you’ve gotten within ear shot of them, they’re both ogling you as you walk to sit in between them on the sofa— okay these pajamas were definitely working

Once fright night starts playing and you are all sipping on your beer and passing popcorn back and forth— Eddie pauses it to take a smoke break, you pass but they still invite you to hang out in his room, while they partake

You sit up against Eddie’s wooden headboard while Steve and Eddie sit at the end of the bed facing you—passing the joint back and forth to each other while you all get lost in conversation

“So y/n” Steve says as the smoke bellows out of his mouth, looking at your thighs and then back to your eyes “I like these little pjs, do you normally wear stuff like that to bed?” — you feel your cheeks heat at the question, embarrassment washing over you

“Um, no actually I usually just wear big shirts to bed, but these are the only matching pajamas I have, so I decided to wear them tonight for the special occasion” you say shyly

“Yeah? I like ‘em, right Ed, we like ‘em?” He says looking at Eddie, making him choke on some of the smoke he had just inhaled

“Mmhm, we do” he says, both boys looking at you like they were hungry and you were a four course meal

You didn’t say too much after that, now feeling way too shy to insert yourself in their conversations— you guys head back to the living room to finish the movie, resuming your positions on the couch after Steve gets up to grab three more beers for you all

Once fright night is over and all the popcorn and beers have been drunk, you decide to save serpent and the rainbow for another night

“I actually have an early shift tomorrow, so I think I’m gunna get to bed, is that okay?” You ask the boys — noticing the look of disappointment on both of their faces

“Uh, yeah yeah that’s fine” Eddie speaks up first

“Goodnight guys” you say while grabbing your throw blanket and heading to your room— “goodnight y/n” Steve says

Once you lay down and try to fall asleep, it’s almost impossible, things seemed so off tonight— almost like the boys had a secret or were in on something you had no idea about, maybe it was in your head. But you also seen the way they were looking at you — and how disappointed they looked when you told them you were going to bed, you weren’t even sure what you were asking for— there’s no way they’d both want you, so why are you fighting so hard to be wanted by both of them?

an hour passes of you tossing and turning and once you finally find a position you’re most comfortable in, you start to hear foot steps, it’s probably Eddie going to his room— Steve must’ve left.

About 10 minutes later, you’re still wide awake— you start to hear faint moans coming from Eddie’s side of the wall “oh my god, is he jacking off?” You whisper to yourself. The moans get louder and now you hear another set of moans and some slapping noises— “wait, oh my god, is that Steve?” — “holy shit, are Steve and Eddie fucking?” You couldn’t help but get up and place your ear to the wall

You start to feel a tinge of jealousy in the pit of your stomach accompanied by arousal, wow this is turning you on, thinking of both of them together— well this is new, never thought you’d be turned on by two men you’re crushing on having sex. As the moans get louder— your hand descends into your little silk shorts and under your panties, you don’t really touch yourself—probably making yourself cum a handful of times, but woah the instant need is something you’ve never felt before— you’re so wet, you gather the slick that’s seeping out of your hole and bring it up to your clit, rubbing slow deliberate circles on it, as you begin to feel that burning sensation in the pit of your stomach— Eddie and Steve’s moans get a little louder, you hear Eddie tell Steve to keep it down, and then the slapping continues— you reach your peak as you push a pillow into your face to muffle the moans that are coming out of your mouth— holy fuck you’ve never cum so hard, once you’re finished the moaning stops and you hear some muffled talking but not enough to make out what’s being said, after a couple minutes you hear foot steps and the front door close.

As you come down from your high— you start to feel shame for listening in and touching yourself to something you shouldn’t have been listening to, but what the hell?— Steve and Eddie? So what are they like gay?— I mean surely Steve can’t be he’s a ladies man, still flirting and going on dates with the women that come into family video, but I mean Eddie— you’ve never seen him with a girl before, but you’ve seen the way he’s looked at you since the first day you came over, he’s never been subtle in his attempts at checking you out. You’re so confused.

After continuously tossing and turning last night you’ve decided it’d be best to just move on, clearly Steve and Eddie have a thing for each other and no matter how much you like them both, maybe it’s for the best to just start your dating life— you no longer live with your parents thus allowing you to finally go on dates, so why not indulge?

Luckily today you work with Robin, you wouldn’t know how to face Steve if you worked one on one with him, you already feel guilty for getting off to his and Eddie’s moans, the whole thing would just be awkward— luckily you didn’t see Eddie either before you left for work.

It’s nearing the end of your shift, you’re stocking the horror section with some returns when you hear the bell above the entrance door go off, Robins in the back so you’re in charge of greeting and helping customers

“Welcome to family video!” you say as you continue your strategic alphabetical placements, as you’re putting the last movies away, you stand up and head back to the counter— being greeted by a familiar smiling face

“Donnie Anderson?” you say with a shy smile as you look up at the tall, dark haired boy— you both went to Hawkins high together, he was the quarterback and you tutored him on multiple occasions

“Y/n?” He says as his eyes squint “Wow, how have you been?”

“I’ve been pretty good actually, how about you?”

“Yeah, same here” he says with his signature charming smile “wow you look great”

You can’t help but blush at his kind words—“thanks, so do you”—“so is there a movie I can help you find?”

“Right? Movie um, yeah I’m looking for dream a little dream and license to drive, they’re for my little sister” he says as he looks down in embarrassment

“Those are the movies with the two Corey’s, right?” You say as you raise your eyebrows

“Yup” he says as he nods his head slowly

“For your little sister, huh?” You tease

“Yeah, uh, she loves Corey Haim” he chuckles

After you ring him up and get caught up in talks about the past and future— Donnie leans over getting a little close to your personal space, working up his charm

“Hey what are you doing tomorrow?” He asks

“I have another morning shift, but after that I’m free, why? What’s up?” You say as you lean a little closer towards him

“Do you want to go out with me tomorrow?”—“maybe catch a movie?” He says with hopeful eyes

“Sure, y-yeah that sounds fun, I’d love to” you say as you hand him the bag with his movies

“Cool, can I get your number?”

You pull out a note pad and pen from the drawer and jot your number down, tearing out the page to give to him— “okay, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, have a goodnight y/n” he says as he walks backwards to the door, and then turns around to walk out

Oh my god, your first official date! — you can’t help but to do a little happy dance, quickly being interrupted by Robin

“That inventory took way too lon-“ she says immediately stopping as she sees your dancing form behind the counter

“We having a dance party or something?” She inquires

“No, but Im going on my first date tomorrow” you say with a giddy smile

“Really? Was I gone that long?” She says with a snort

After getting home from your shift, you pull your clothes off and put an oversized shirt on to get comfortable— you lie down in bed and start to doodle in your notebook while crazy on you by heart plays in the background— suddenly you hear a knock at your bedroom door

“Come in!” You yell over the music

“Hey uh, someone’s on the phone for you, I think he said his name was Danny”

“Danny?” You say with a questioning look “oh Donnie, okay” you roll off of your bed and head to the phone—as you talk to Donnie on the phone about your date, Eddie’s sitting at the kitchen table nursing a beer, with a sad look on his face

“Okay, sounds good! I’ll see you tomorrow” you say, hanging up the phone

“Who’s Donnie?” Eddie questions still staring at his beer

“Donnie Anderson, he was on the football team. Anyway, he came by family video today and we started talking and he asked to take me out on a date”

“A date?” Eddie says as his jaw clenches

“Yeah a date”

“Oh, that’s cool um I gotta go” Eddie says as he gets up from the table, chair scraping against the linoleum floors, he walks out the front door leaving it to slam— what just happened?

Going into work the next morning, you worked along side Steve. He was distant and barely said anything to you, other than asking about your date—Robin must of told him.

The date with Donnie went really well—but you couldn’t stop thinking about Eddie, all week he’d been hot and cold with you, one minute heavily flirting and the next almost avoiding you. Steves attitude towards you has somewhat gone back to normal, having little conversations here and there— you really couldn’t understand them, it almost seemed like they were jealous, but that can’t be it.

Finally Saturday rolls around and you wanted to invite Donnie to come hang out, maybe after you’ll let him spend the night and who knows maybe you’ll even lose your virginity to him—-But you’d have to tell Eddie since that was on his list of rules

After getting home from work you changed into a little white cami and some red and white shorts you got from summer camp years ago, they definitely made your butt look great, even if they’re way smaller than they use to be— you make your way into the living room where Eddie and Steve are sitting and talking

“Hey, um is it okay if I invite a friend over?” You say as you walk towards the couch they’re sitting on

“Uh, yeah I guess, sure” Eddie says without even looking at you

“Okay, thanks” you say as you turn towards the kitchen to call Donnie

After you hang up you go back to sit down with the guys, they’re deep in conversation about Eddie’s band. He’d stopped playing for awhile after most of the members headed off to college, he’s been looking for new musicians so he was asking Steve for advice — It was so weird, that you knew they had sex, but they were never affectionate towards each other or at least not in front of you, if you would’ve never heard them that night, you would’ve never guessed they’d have an intimate relationship— you wanted to ask questions, but it wasn’t your place and you didn’t want to make them feel uncomfortable or like you were judging— you certainly had your fair share of thoughts about women

But they are your friends so maybe you’d be able to confide in them?

“Hey, I’m sorry to interrupt but can I ask you both a question?”

“Uh sure” Steve says as he turns his body towards you with intrigue

“It’s kind of a personal question, so don’t get weirded out that I’m asking, okay?” You say with hesitation

They both look at each other and then look back at you as they say “okay” in unison

“How did you guys lose your virginity?” You say as you put your palm under your chin

“Um, wow that is pretty personal” Steve says as Eddie laughs

You look away in embarrassment, feeling like you maybe overstepped— until Steve spoke up first

“I lost mine when I was 15, she was 17 and I had no idea what I was doing” he said “it was pretty awkward and I had really just wanted to lose it just to lose it, I never really talked to her after that, must’ve been pretty bad” he chuckles

Eddie looks at him with a knowing smirk on his face, like he wants to say something but decides not to

“And you Ed’s?” You say as you look at him

He blushes at the nickname, he loves when you call him that

“Um, I lost mine at 18, same as Steve it was awkward and I had no idea what I was doing” he says as he looks over to Steve and then you

Hmm, okay super vague but I’ll take it— you think to yourself

“What about you?” Steve says catching you off guard

“Oh um, well um” you stammered—both boys looking at you with raised eyebrows waiting to hear your answer

“Well, see that’s why I asked because I don’t exactly have a first time, and um I kind of want to and I was thinking tonight with Donnie we might you know” your sentence coming out as almost one long jumbled word

“You’re a virgin?” Eddie looks at you like you’ve just confessed to a murder

Steve looks like he’s at a loss for words— you just want to go climb in bed under your covers and never show your face again

“Yes, I’m a virgin” you say as you begin to bite your nails, not wanting to look at either of their faces

“Hey, that’s okay nothing wrong with being a virgin” Steve says

“Yeah well, I never had the opportunity I wasn’t allowed to date when I lived with my parents, it was school, tutor, work repeat”—“I wasn’t even allowed to have guy friends, how crazy is that?” You say still playing with your finger nails

“Donnie was my first date” you whisper

You finally look up at the boys faces, and distinctly see the look of pity written all over them

“It’s fine forget I asked” you say as you get up “I’m going to go get ready” you say as you sulk back to your room

Eddie and Steve were shocked—they weren’t sure what “not looking like a virgin” meant but you did not look like a virgin, you were sexy as hell, they couldn’t believe no one had ever jumped at the chance to fuck you— but they definitely didn’t want Donnie to be the first one

After you freshened up and put on a little bit of makeup— Steve had knocked on your door to tell you Donnie was here— tonight you were all going to watch serpent and the rainbow since you didn’t get to last movie night— you walk out into the living room and Steve and Eddie are talking to Donnie as they all sip on a beer, Donnie sees you and jumps up to give you a hug and kiss, you blush as he takes your hand and walks you to the couch to sit next to him, almost uncomfortably close as he sets his hand on your thigh and rubs it

You can see Eddie out of your peripheral looking at where Donnie’s hand is placed—Steve coughs and says “alright everybody ready to start the movie?” You all agree—feeling a thick tension in the air

The movie was long but by the end you stand up and tell the guys you need to use the restroom really quick—“when you come back you’ll ask donnie to stay the night” you think to yourself

When you get back you see Steve and Eddie but Donnie is gone.

“Where’s Donnie?” You ask looking around like he was going to come out of another room

“He left” Eddie said

“Left? Why would he leave?” You say with your eyebrows furrowed

“We told him to leave” Steve says as Eddie looks down at his feet

“Why would you do that?” Now you’re fuming

“Because we just didn’t think it was a good idea for him to stay” Eddie speaks up

“A good idea? What?” — “what the fuck does that mean?” You seethe

They had never heard you cuss before

“We just don’t think you should have sex with him y/n”

“You cant decide who I fuck!” — “Jesus, it’s like I’m living with my parents all over again, you guys can’t control who I see” — “I didn’t tell you two not to fuck the other night, so why do you have the right to tell me who I can be with?” You didn’t mean for that to come out so harsh, but this must of been a trigger for you, feeling like you’re being controlled, it made you wanna scream.

“What?” They say in unison as they look at each other almost like they felt guilty for something

“I don’t care what you guys do, or if you guys are gay or whatever— so don’t insert yourself in my business” you say as calmly as you can

“Gay?” They both say again at the same time

“Sweetheart, we’re not gay” Eddie says with a smirk, god he can be such an arrogant asshole

“Okay well whatever you are I don’t care, just stay out of my business” you say as you begin to walk away

“You heard us?” Steve says stopping you in your tracks

“Uh, yeah you were kind of loud and I had trouble falling asleep that night”

“See I told you to keep it down” Eddie says as he shoots Steve a look you couldn’t quite make out

“Hey, I’m not judging you guys okay?”—“I would never do that” you don’t ever want to come off as a bigoted asshole, you don’t want to be anything like your parents

“Thanks” they both say

“Can you come sit down, so we can talk?” Eddie motions with his head towards the couch

“Um, yeah sure” you say as you walk back to the couch

You sit in the open seat between them— they both turn towards you, giving each other a knowing look before their eyes find you again

“We um, yes we have sex, we’re bi”

“You guys really don’t have to explain yourselves to me” you say trying to stop Eddie from going any further

“No, no we want to, babe” Steve says—the pet name instantly making your stomach flutter

“Okay, well why?” You say as you look at both men sitting on either side of you

“We like you y/n” — “I’ve liked you for awhile” Eddie says — “since high school” he continues

“You’ve liked me since high school?” You say as your eyes widen

“Yeah, I’d always look at you and when you’d catch me I’d look away, I figured you must’ve thought I was a weirdo, so I never tried to talk to you” — “so when you called me and I found out you were, you and you were interested in moving in, I knew I was in trouble, that first meeting i couldn’t take my eyes off of you, you’ve always been beautiful” — “but holy shit” he says

“When I seen you on your first day at family video I wanted to ask you out on a date, but Robin told me to keep it professional, and then when I told Ed you had started working with us, he told me about his high school crush on you so when I found out you were looking for a room to rent and Eddie was looking for a roommate, I thought it’d be the perfect set up, even though I really wanted you for myself” he says as he looks over to Eddie—Eddie shooting him a glare back

“That night we wanted to tell you how we felt, I mean fuck you looked so good, we couldn’t help but to fuck each other while we thought about you” Steve says

“So do you guys do that often?”— “No judgement” you say as you throw up your hands in surrender

“Well we have an arrangement, where if we’re hanging out and we’re horny we just go for it” —“it’s more of like a friends with benefits type of thing” Eddie throws in

“I see” you say as you nod your head

“So what? You said you didn’t think I should have sex with Donnie, does that mean you think I should have sex with you both?” You ask purely out of curiosity

“That’s up to you, princess” Eddie says

Jesus this man and his terms of endearment

“So you both would be okay with taking my virginity?” You ask as you raise your brows

“We’d be honored to, but only if that’s what you want” Steve says

“Well if we’re all being honest here, I’ve had a crush on you Ed’s since high school, too. When you’d catch me looking back at you it was only because I was specifically looking for you. I um, I even wanted to buy weed from you as an excuse to talk to you, but I pussied out last minute. I had even wrote you a note to meet me after school, I was gunna slip it into your locker but I was too nervous, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it” you say as you reminisce with a smile

Eddie’s eyes widen at the revelation, he couldn’t believe you felt the same for him, you both could’ve been together this whole time

“And Steve I was reminded how gorgeous I always thought you were that first day and I loved how much you made me laugh, I even thought you were flirting with me but I mean I knew of your reputation and you flirt with the customers too, so I just didn’t want to overthink it, ya know?”

“Yeah, he is a big flirt, aren’t you big boy?” Eddie says with a smirk as he ruffles Steve’s hair

“Cmon man, not the hair!” Steve says smacking away Eddie’s hand

You couldn’t help but giggle at their antics

“Okay, yes I want to”

They both stop what they’re doing and look at you— “we need you to say exactly what you want, baby?” Eddie says

“I um, I-I want you both to fuck me” you stutter out

“Try again sweetheart, say it like you mean it” Eddie continues with a mischievous smirk

“I want you both to fuck me” you say with more confidence

“Good girl, see that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Steve says

“Let’s move this to the room?” Eddie asks looking back and forth from you to Steve

“Yeah let’s go” you say as you get up and hold both of your hands out towards them to take

You drag them behind you to Eddies room

“Woah someone’s eager” one of them says while they both snicker

Once you three enter Eddies bedroom they’re both on you, Eddie grabs your chin and brings your lips to his, Steve starts kissing your neck, his hand slowly moving down your back to your ass, he grabs a handful making you moan into Eddies mouth

You cannot believe this is happening

You’re about to lose your virginity to two incredibly sexy men, who else can say that?

Eddies tongue slips into your mouth deepening the kiss, while Steve sucks your neck and soothes it wish his tongue

You rake both your hands down their chests—as your hands descend along their lower stomach it stops at the huge bulge in both their pants

You cup them through their jeans, gaining a moan from both men

You break the kiss as you look up at Eddie

“What do you wanna do first, baby?” He says as he grabs both of your hips, smiling down at you

“I want you to teach me how to suck Steve’s cock” you say innocently

“Fuck” they both say in unison

“Okay, yeah I can do that” Eddie says

He grabs a pillow off of his bed

“Get on your knees” he says in a tone of voice that almost made you whimper, strong and assertive

“Yes, sir” you say almost as a joke but you could tell in Eddies face how much he liked it, eyes glazing over, now looking at you with an intense hunger, both of them were looking at you like that—it was almost overwhelming how turned on you were becoming

Eddie kneels beside you, both of you between Steve’s legs from his standing position, eyes trained on you and the metalhead. Eddie begins unbuttoning Steves jeans and pulling down his zipper, he shoves his thumbs in the waistband of Steve’s jeans and boxers and tugs them down just above his knees, his cock springs out— your jaw drops at how huge it is, he’s cut and has a pretty pink throbbing head with precum oozing from the slit, your mouth waters just looking at it. You never sucked a dick before and said you never would, but holy shit, you wanted to live with Steves cock in your mouth, it was beautiful

You and Eddie lick your lips at the same time, as you both stare at it

“Go ahead and grab it, baby” Eddie whispers to you— you grasp it at the base, your hand looks so small compared to it, which excites you even more

Eddie puts his hand over yours—“okay, now move it up and down, mmhm just like that baby, good girl” his whispers causing goosebumps to form on your skin

“Now spit on it” Eddie says

You gather all the saliva in your mouth and spit a on the head of Steve’s pink tip

“That’s it, okay now start smearing that wetness all over his cock, baby” — “yup just like that, fuck Steve she’s a quick learner” he says looking up into his best friends eyes with a smirk

“Okay now put your mouth around the tip, and suck” — “nope” you say as you shake your head

“I wanna see you first” you say as you giggle

“You wanna see me suck Stevie’s cock? what does that turn you on or something?” He says jokingly

You nod your head and bite your lip

“Dirty girl” Steve says looking down at the exchange

“I might of played with myself that night I heard you both fucking” you shyly retort

Eddie and Steves eyes widen as they look at each other — “hear that Stevie? Our girls a kinky little thing” Eddie laughs out

Our girl

“Okay baby, I’ll show you how it’s done” Eddie says pretending to crack his neck before he dives in—putting his lips over Steves tip and sucking, slowly putting more and more in his mouth until Steve is in his throat, Eddie must be very experienced because he doesn’t gag as Steve begins to fuck his mouth

You can’t help it, you have to rub your pussy while watching them, it’s way too hot not to—you slip your fingers into your waist band and start rubbing your clit, your pussy is insanely wet already, making your fingers glide over your clit so smoothly, you can’t hold the moans back

“Fuck, she’s touching herself dude” Steve says while looking down at you as he bites his lip

Eddie let’s go of Steves cock with a pop as he looks over at you—grabbing the back of your hair and crashing his lips into yours, tasting Steve on his tongue makes your panties gush even more— the whole thing is so incredibly sexy

Eddie breaks the kiss— “okay baby, it’s your turn”

You grab Steves cock from the base again, it’s now slick with Eddies spit so you give it a few strokes before you put it in your mouth and start sucking, then swirling your tongue around the tip, taking it back in your mouth moving down slowly finally hitting the back of your throat, you instantly gag on it, making your eyes water

“that’s okay princess, we’ll have that throat trained in no time” Eddie says with a smirk

“Keep going baby, your mouth feels fucking amazing” Steve says as he reaches down to grab some of your hair, reaching his other hand down to grab Eddies hair too—“fuck you both are so sexy on your knees for me” he says looking from you to Eddie

Once you’ve gotten the hang of it, you start sliding your lips on the side of Steves cock, you reach out, grabbing Eddie’s hair making him bring his lips to the other side, he knows exactly what you’re trying to have him do, so he puts his lips on the other side, mimicking you and your movements, up and down

“Fuuuuuck” Steve moans out

You and Eddie start making out with Steves tip— making him whimper and groan, the hands fisted in both your hair tightening

“Okay, okay I can’t take anymore” Steve says pulling you both up by your hair

His lips smash into Eddies and they have a heated kiss before Steve pulls away and grips your hair he’s still holding, pulling you towards him and smashing his lips into yours, tongues and teeth clashing, it’s a sloppy but calculated kiss, you finally pull away—looking at Eddie

“Should we suck yours next?” You ask Eddie

“Uh-uh baby”—“I won’t last if I have both your pretty lips on my cock” Steve rolls his eyes as he laughs

“Get on the bed baby, let us take care of you” Steve says picking you up and throwing you down on the bed, as you yelp

Eddie begins pulling your shorts down, both of them looking over your body like they were about to devour you— “take her shirt off too” Steve instructs Eddie

“Cmon baby, let’s get this shirt off of you, we wanna see those pretty titties” Eddie says

“Yes sir” you say again as you raise your arms

Eddie growls as he pulls off your thick camisole, boobs springing out—thanking god you went without a bra

“Fuck, look at that” Eddie says under his breathe

“Those are the most perfect tits I’ve ever seen” Steve says with his eyes blown wide with lust

“Lay back, sweetheart” Eddie says in a sweet but assertive tone

You do as your told, laying back but using your elbows to still keep you propped up—Steve moves closer to you. Eddie grabs one knee and Steve grabs the other as the both pull them apart, exposing the big wet spot right in the middle of your light pink, lace panties—Steve and Eddies hands both touching different parts of you, Steve rubbing your thigh and Eddie playing with the little black bow on the top of your panties, sending you a smirk—Eddies fingers move down to the wet spot, rubbing his fingers over your clothed clit and then cupping your hole pussy in his hand as he grunts

“Fuck you’re so wet for us baby” he moans out

“Can’t wait to stretch that little pussy out, make it take both of us at the same time” Eddie says to Steve making your pussy throb right where his hand is placed

“I-I want that so bad” you moan out

“Not now baby, that’s for another day, we gotta get you use to one cock today”—“but soon you’ll be taking both of us in all your tight little holes, Kay?”

“Yes, sir” you say with slight disappointment, although the promise of another time instantly makes your stomach flutter

Eddie puts his thumbs in the waist band of your panties, pulling them down, you let them fall off your legs and onto the floor—Eddies instantly grabbing your knees and pulling them apart exposing your glistening cunt to both men, you slightly flinch as the cold hair hits the wetness of your pussy

“I have an idea” Eddie says — “turn around ass up, now” he demands, you immediately follow his directions getting into what you know as the doggystyle position from the details of one of your best friends many rendezvous

Once in position Eddie pushes your lower back in trying to make you arch your ass more for them, Steve lays down in between your thighs, so you’re sitting on his face, as his back is against the mattress, he licks a long strip from your aching hole to your pulsing clit—you can’t help but to moan out an “oh fuck” as he reaches your clit

Eddie chuckles as he stands between Steves spread legs and grabs both of your ass cheeks with his big palms spreading them and bringing his tongue to your tight second hole—holy shit, holy shit, you could cry from how amazing their tongues feel on you—Steve starts fucking you with his tongue, as Eddie continues licking your asshole, he begins to fuck your ass a little bit with the tip, before he moves down towards Steves, they both lick each others tongues before going back to using their tongues on you, you could cum right then and there, and you want to so bad—you begin to feel that burning sensation in the pit of your stomach, as you’re seeing stars and moaning so loud the neighbors can hear you. What tips you over the edge is Eddie slowly putting his finger inside your pussy, curling it up and hitting something inside of you that felt like heaven

“fuck daddy, I’m cumming!” You scream out

You had no idea where that came from, maybe something one of your friends told you they said to their partner and it probably stuck with you because you thought it was hot

Eddie and Steve stop their ministrations once your pussy stopped clenching around Eddies finger

“Daddy?” Eddie asks as he looks at Steve with the biggest smile

“Fuck princess, and here I thought you couldn’t get any hotter, now we find out you’re a secret little slut, too?” Eddie says teasingly

You couldn’t help but moan at his words and tone of voice—“is that what you want, baby?” Steve asks “you want to be our dirty little slut?”

“Yes, yes please” you say as the mattress muffles your words from your position

“You’re such a good girl, baby, such a good fucking girl for us” Steve says

“She’s the perfect girl for us” Eddie says back as his arm wraps around your lower stomach turning you around with a strength you’d never know he had

“Alright baby, who do you want to fuck you first?” Steve asks as he removes his pants and boxers completely, working on Eddies next—they both rid themselves of their shirts now matching your nakedness

“I don’t want to choose”—“I want you both to feel good” you whine

“Oh princess, we are gunna feel good, one of our dicks are gunna be in you while another one’s gunna be in one of our ass, how does that sound?” Eddie asks

“Oh my god, yes please that sounds so hot” you beg

“You have to pick which one of us fucks you first, remember?”—“don’t go getting all cock drunk on us now baby, we haven’t even started”

“Okay Um, I want Eddie to fuck me while you fuck him” you say to Steve

Eddie crawls toward you on the bed, spreading your legs wider for him as he gives you a deep kiss— Steve opens Eddies side drawer getting out a bottle of lube and pouring it in the palm of his hand and then stroking his cock with it, smearing it all over, he then takes the bottle of lube and pours more onto his fingers bringing them to Eddies ass and rubbing it in, inserting a finger into his tight hole and pumping in and out. Eddie moans into the kiss as he wraps his hand around his cock, bringing it closer to your pussy, rubbing it up and down your wet slit— finally Steve takes his cock and positions the head of it toward Eddies asshole, pushing in slowly, inch by inch making Eddie moan out a “fuuuck”— as Steve is sliding into him, Eddie positions his cock at your entrance. He looks down at you to gage your reaction

“Are you okay, baby?” He ask as his head barely slips through

“Mmmm, yeah, I-I’m okay”

Steve stills inside of Eddie, waiting for him to bottom out in you, not wanting to accidentally push Eddie into you with his thrusts

Eddie goes excruciatingly slow, so you have to tell him he can go a little faster—it hurts but it’s nothing you can’t handle, you’re wet enough for it to be almost painless, just feeling a little bit of pressure

“Is that okay?” Eddie asks as he’s finally bottomed out inside of you—“yeah baby, please move, don’t stop” you whine out

Eddie finally starts thrusting, fucking into you but also fucking Steve’s cock into him

You all three are a moaning mess—throwing out a stray “fuck” and “oh my god” here and there

“Please please, fuck me harder” you moan out to Eddie while his face is buried in your neck

Eddie’s thrusts get faster, making Steves do the same, now Steve is fucking Eddie into you and it feels amazing, both of their hands all over you and all over each other—Steve bends down towards you and Eddie while he’s still fucking into him, hard— Steve takes Eddies hair and yours and brings you all into a three way kiss of just tongues, all of you moaning out into each others mouths—- once Steve let’s go of you and Eddie’s hair he goes back to his position above you both, slapping Eddies ass as he fucks into him harder

Eddie’s losing his mind, yelling out so many obscenities and filthy things, into your neck 

“Fuck yes, goddammit you both feel so fucking good!” He moans out

He picks his head up from your neck, looking down at you—“your pussy’s so good baby, you’re so tight and wet, fuck”—“I’m gunna cum, fuck I’m gunna cum, where do you want it?” Eddie asks you

“In my mouth daddy” you moan out

“Fuuuck”—“Steve move!” Eddie shouts, Steve pulls his cock out of him, he strokes it as he’s nearing his release, too

You fall to your knees underneath both of them as they stroke their cocks above your face, you hold your tongue out awaiting their cum

“Yes baby, open up a little wider” —-“fuck yeah, just like that” Eddie says as white hot ropes of cum squirt out onto your lips and tongue, Steve can’t hold it in any longer as he’s watching Eddie paint your tongue, his cum squirting onto your cum filled tongue, getting some on your chin

Eddie brings his thumb to your chin wiping Steve’s cum off bringing it up to your tongue, you obey by licking it off—your tongue covered in their cum as you show it off to both of them— you instantly love the taste of them in your mouth, sitting on your tongue, you love the look they give you even more—like they could ravish you again—you finally swallow, holding your tongue back out to show them what a good girl you are

“Holy shit, that was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen” Eddie says to Steve as he nods his head in agreement

“Get up here, babe” Steve says as he grabs your arm to help you up

“Go lay on the bed with Eds, and I’ll clean you both up” he says as he goes to the bathroom and comes back with a wet towel to clean you and Eddie off with, after he’s done, he lays down on the other side of you throwing his arm over your stomach and onto Eddie’s

“We should go on a date soon” Eddie says as he lifts his head to look at you and the other man beside you

“Really?” you say with excitement

“Yeah we wanna take you out, show you off” Steve says

“So you both want to be with me?” You ask with a big smile on your face

“Of course we do, you’re our girl”

THANK YOU FOR READING

REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED

•Tag list•

@jordanwalkersworld @local-stoner-bitch

[strwbrryeyes]

𖦹°｡⋆ hanamaki as a best friend

⟡ cw: fluff, friends to lovers, matsukawa and makki fake dating, lmk if i missed anything

⟡ a/n: back from the dead ig i hate school. also im only doing the main four 3rd years for now bc yeah. i'll do any characters that i missed later on.

⟡ best friend series: matsukawa, iwaizumi, oikawa, || masterlist

best friend hanamaki who you met in your first year of high school when he was sat in your seat when his seat was actually the one next to your desk.

best friend hanamaki who you got closer to when he was constantly asking for your notes. you didn't really mind though because he would get you sweets in return.

best friend hanamaki who introduced you to the rest of the aoba four one day after you kept asking him who his "boyfriend" was. apparently it was all four of them.

best friend hanamaki who got bonked on the head by you, oikawa, and iwaizumi. matsukawa actually acted all lovey dovey with him. jokingly of course.

best friend hanamaki who in your second year said that he was finally going to take his own notes. he did so for a week before he returned to asking you for them.

best friend hanamaki who would skip practice sometimes to go grab ice cream with you. this earned him a lecture from the coaches and even oikawa who just acted dramatic and told him that he was grounded.

best friend hanamaki who you and matsukawa would poke fun of after he got his haircut. during a sleepover one time matsukawa drew a pp on his forehead.

best friend hanamaki who chased you both down when he woke up the next morning.

best friend hanamaki who invited you to his volleyball games so he can brag to everyone else that he had someone watching him.

best friend hanamaki who invited you out to dinner after games they lost because oikawa always ended up paying for everyone's meals (against his will).

best friend hanamaki who didn't want to go to college so just moved in to an apartment with you and matsukawa since you both were going to the same school.

best friend hanamaki who got bored of being home alone during the weekdays so he got a job. multiple actually. mans hated working.

best friend hanamaki who would ocassionally take naps in your and mattsun's rooms while you were at classes.

best friend hanamaki who realized his feelings for you when he realized how much he adored the scent of your room and of you in general whenever he was near you. not in a creepy way though, he just found it comforting.

best friend hanamaki who told mattsun about his feelings one weekend while you were away visiting your family.

best friend hanamaki who internally died when the first thing mattsun said to you when you came back was "makki's in love with you"

best friend hanamaki who took a while to process what just happened before finally telling you that it wasn't a joke after you thought it was for aminute.

best friend hanamaki who dramatically hugged mattsun instead of you when you said you had feelings for him too. this was because he probably wouldn't have told you himself.

best friend hanamaki who properly asks to be your boyfriend after mattsun goes for a walk to give you guys some space.

best friend hanamaki who is now boyfriend hanamaki who staged a 'breakup' with matsukawa when he came back because his heart now belonged to another.

[aki-anikk]

Hello! I didn't expect people to enjoy or even read the first part so the feeback was pretty suprising.

I hope this one will live up to the previous part :)

(and again if there is something wrong in it then please let me know!)

People who wanted a second part:

@im-a-killer-queen , @tabloid-junki3

Tw: angst, Simon is a depressed fella

_____________________________________________

Simon was always a quiet person, whenever it was his personality or defence mechanism against the world... He would never tell anyone.

As always, after school he prepared himself to see your face, again. To look at you and walk away, he didn't want you to keep hoping for something that would never happend. He wasn't cruel.

But... You never came again.

It passed one day, he thought that maybe you're mad at him. But you will come back.

It passed a week, maybe you got sick. But you will come back.

It passed a month, he didn't know what the hell could happend to keep you away for so long. But you will come-

"..."

It finally hit him. You're not coming back.

That's what he wanted, right? Well he finally got it.

"..."

For some reason there was a heavy lump in his throat, but he pushed that feeling away. Just like he always does it. He didn't know how, and neither wanted to deal with those emotions.

Even if one day he would break. He didn't care.

_____________________________________________

How much time has passed? He didn't know, maybe 5 years, maybe 10, maybe even more. Not like he counted. And not like the reason for him not counting time was that whenever he thought about it, he felt like he would throw up.

He didn't realise it as a kid, he couldn't know what would happend to him in life.

He didn't expect his family to be gone forever, he didn't expect feeling so... Empty.

Sure, he joined the military. He had companions and even friends but... There was no one who looked at him the same way you did.

He caught himself many time going back to you in his mind. Whenever he felt like he didn't deserve to live, he remembered those soft, affectionate eyes. You wouldn't want him to end it all, right?

And then he would frown involuntary. He had no right to be so selfish. He pushed you away, hurt you and finally made you leave. Maybe you really hated him? That thought made his stomach turn again.

But again, he pushed it aside like every emotion. Even if he called himself selfish and tried to not think of you, he silently begged that he would never forget your face. He couldn't lose another person.

The work went like always, days blurred into one and he just complied to every order. It was easier to deal with all that pain when he didn't have to face it. When he got his mind busy with work.

One day he got hurt, not a big deal. He was never the one to go to hospitals as the wounds would 'heal on their own' while leaving a nasty scar. But he didn't care about it. He stopped caring about his looks a long time ago, because who would want to be with a bloody monster?

He had to be practicaly dragged by Soap to the nearest hospital. He said something along the lines-

"It's gonna be a quick job LT"

Or at least that's what he took out of it, it was sometimes hard to understand his damn accent. But he just finally agreed.

He sat on the bed as some nurse told him to, he didn't even look at her. He could feel the weird look she gave him when he didn't take off the mask. Not like he cared... Or felt like he had the right to care.

There were few people walking through, and he just waited, unmoving, like a statue. For a moment he thought about leaving, but then someone came up to him. Great.

The person seemed to be a doctor, as they sounded pretty professional, but he didn't look up. He only did when there was one sentence repeated over and over again like a broken radio.

"Are you okay sir?"

He finally looked up and just froze.

Was his mind playing tricks on him? Has he finally lost it? He saw a face, a too familiar one. One that always looked at him with adoration but now was filled with worry.

It was you.

It was... You.

At the realisation who it was, he felt every little mistake crash on him, every fiber of his body screamed and every piece of his broken heart was begging to speak. Anything.

But he didn't, of course he didn't.

He just let out a confirming huff, like if he was annoyed.

He hated it, but he couldn't stop. He wanted to apologize, do anything and everything.

But he just watched you in silence as you checked his pulse and talked to him. Oh that voice, it got a bit deeper but it still had that softness to it. He listened every word hoping that it would never leave his memory. That something-

But then you nodded at the nurse and walked to another patient.

Right.

You didn't recognize him. He had a mask.

How stupid.

Just a moment ago you looked at him with care, just like all of those years ago. But then those gentle eyes left him. They now were turned onto another patient. Your smile wasn't only for him to see.

He realised that.. he was no one special to you anymore.

It hurted. Why? He pushed you away. That's what he wanted.

But once you finally left, he missed you.

He missed the way you followed him like a pup, he missed how you tried to make him smile, even if as a kid he didn't appriciate it.

And even worse, he missed those loving eyes.

He needed them.

_____________________________________________

He didn't know why, maybe he knew but also didn't want to admit.

But he kept searching anything about you. He searched where you worked before, to what university you went to. He checked everything, but it still didn't feel enough.

He hated those feeling, you were right there just an arm away but still out of his reach. No matter how much he tried to lift his hand towards you, he couldn't bring himself to do it.

So he just let you live your comfortable life that you created for yourself, sometimes watching you work, but nothing more. There was no place for him in your life anymore.

It was until he was injurned, heavly. There wasn't much he could complain about as he was barely concious as he was rushed to the surgery room. The white hospital lights flashed into his eyes like if someone was making a cruel joke on him.

A lamp, light.

No lamp, no light

A lamp, light.

And again and again and again.

As if he already saw the light that everyone talked about when they were near death. The white light to heveanly gates that each lack of the lamp were taken away from him.

He neither did deserve heaven or even death.

He felt a cold table under him, he struggled to move, he struggled to fight when he felt someone's hand on his mask.

His eyes opened wide open, trying to push it away. But he stopped once he saw you. You, who were desperately trying to take off his mask, for what would come next.

He let go, his fate was already sealed.

Nothing he could do.

Once he felt the air hit his face, he saw your expression. He didn't blink even once, just to see every flashing emotion that was going through your face.

There was shock, worry and then so much despair. You couldn't help it, couldn't help how your face almost grimaced in pain, like if someone was stabbing your heart over and over again.

That hurt, but not only your heart.

He finally closed his eyes as he felt like he had died. Again.

He thought he had found something to make him want to live, it wouldn't matter that you didn't know. He would watch you in silence, but now you knew the truth, knew who he was. And you hated him.

He wished he didn't wouldn't make through this surgery.

After many hours they were slowly finishing the surgery, but Simon didn't feel alive. He was mouring the death of his heart.

You hated him, there was nothing he could do.

These words spinned in his head like vultures that waited to dig into his skin.

They hate me.

They hate me.

They hate me-

"I'm sorry."

"..."

What?

Simon once again opened his eyes, you were still there, but didn't look at him. Maybe you couldn't bear to look at his face. Maybe he overheard it.

But your eyes were glossy, hurt.

He didn't know, of course he couldn't know. Through all those years you wondered if he understood your sign of love, that you so desperately tried to kept alive.

You didn't hate him, you never could. You felt so much pain because you felt like you betrayed him. He didn't want to see you, and there you were. You felt like you broke some sacred secret, and all you could do was to apologize.

He understood that... You don't hate him.

How can you not hate him? He caused you so much pain, said so many hurtful words. But you stood there like if you were about to cry because you intupted the way he told you to love him. Like if you were the one who did something wrong.

He should have never said it. He never thought you would really do it.

He wanted to speak up, explain himself, but he couldn't speak. Maybe because of the injuries or maybe out of fear.

Soon he watched you walk out. Again leaving his life. He again let you leave.

No. He couldn't allow it.

Not this time.

_____________________________________________

It passed two weeks- no. Maybe a month? You didn't know. You couldn't really focus on anything as the days started to blur behind your tears, tears that threathened to flood the world.

You felt just like the day when Simon stomped on the boquet you gave him. It hurt so much. You thought you healed, yet every little scar was opening again and felt even deeper than before.

You were so lost that you didn't hear the doorbell rang. The person was persistent, ringing and then knocking loudly which caused you to jump slightly.

A sigh left your lips, right. Your landlord? He was probably annoyed that you didn't pay yet.

You got up and went to the door, everything felt heavy, the dark room overwhelmed any light of hope.

And you opened the door.

"..."

There was Simon. The Man was looking at you as suprised as you were, as if he didn't try to get your attention for good five minutes.

His lips opened few times and immidietly closed again, he wanted to say so much, but also couldn't say anything. He had planned what he would tell you, what words he would use. But everything crubled when he saw you and your shocked face.

He cleared his throat and just pulled a boquet from behind his back.

It was just like the ones you always tried to give him. It was carefully picked, with smiliar colors to the ones from the past.

He was nervous, he didn't remember the last time he was so nervous. He felt his hands become wet and he subconciously fixed his collar as if trying to get more air. He even forgot to breath as he glanced into your eyes, not brave enough to fully look into yours.

And what did you do?

What else could you do, but to finally hug the man that you wanted to love for years?

For a moment Simon stood there sttuned as he quickly extended his hand that held the flowers so you wouldn't crush them, and then without any hesitation hugged you thightly with his other arm.

A loud, relieved and a slightly shaky breath left his lips. You really didn't hate him, something he was afraid of, to the last second.

You accepted the flowers that he carefully picked, the total opposite to what happend when you two were kids.

You didn't crush them, you accepted them as you both finally grew up to care for the feelings between you.

"Stay with me."

These were Simon's words, he gave you another way to show your love for him, so what else could you do but to accept and stay with him?

[omgpoindexter]

more nurseydex fics!!!

i’ve been doing my duty properly and reading some different nurseydex fics on ao3 lately 🫡 i tried to find some that are more recent, however i inevitably found some that are older but slipped through the cracks for me.

here are some of the ones i came across that you need to read! i might make this a thing again if anyone is interested, im sure y’all have been much more on the ball with reading nurseydex fics than i have over the years but i do love reccing <3

suddenly this summer it’s clear by @dessertwaffles

The summer before senior year, Nursey and Dex become closer than ever.

Or, Nursey and Dex's developing relationship, as told through their text messages.

i was absolutely grinning the entire way through this. it’s a texting fic, with images rather than plain text (so clever!) but their personalities are so strong and their interactions are just perfect! and you know i love a texting fic

getting used to letting go by @jennybeantime

Dex was supposed to have a fancy job in some city upon graduation, but his plans changed once his uncle died and left the family home in Maine to him. Without immediate obligations of their own, Nursey, Chowder and Farmer follow Dex up there to help him clear it out and clean it up.

this fic is BEAUTIFUL. if you haven’t read it then please do yourself a favour and do it now. it captures certain feelings and emotions so effortlessly and i felt like i was in a little maine bubble living this story with them. i can’t believe i missed this one before, please please read!!

got the feeling you’re the right thing after all by @bisexualnursey

Two and a half years after he breaks up with Dex to go to grad school across the country, Nursey runs into him again when he visits New York for the holidays. What starts as them just rekindling their friendship quickly turns into a whole other thing: a 100% no-strings-attached friends with benefits arrangement while they’re in the same city.

Which is totally chill because Nursey is definitely over Dex. He swears. He’s going back to California soon anyway.

i seriously CANNOT BELIEVE i never read this before but i think i was in my inactive era when this was posted. it’s just so perfect!!! all the feelings and interactions with not only dex and nursey but all the other characters, friends and family, they all felt so real and i loved them so much. i’ll be rereading this a LOT! you should too!!

here i am (leaving you clues) by @averteddeyes

Will loves Nursey. Nursey loves Will. Will isn’t really quite sure how to deal with it.

(Alternatively: Will learns acceptance through poetry, hesitant communication, and brightly colored sticky notes.)

this is really gorgeously written. angst warning, because ouch!!! also poetry as a love language, like a really good selection of poetry, i really enjoyed it and how it weaves into the story. and the bittydex friendship is so important to me!!!

volta by @plusoultres

volta (n.) a turning point or point of change in a poem, most commonly a sonnet.

Or, five times a poem doesn’t reach its intended recipient, and one time it does; five drafts, and one work completed; five turning points, and one ending.

the second fic was inspired by this one, and thank goodness it was because this one totally slipped through the cracks and i’m so glad i read it. their banter is just brilliant and i love the variation in medium, and the poetry is beautiful! i could quote lines from this but im not going to. just. read it

things got weird (when we made out) by @andtimestoodstill

Nursey is being stupid about this. He knows he’s being stupid.

super fun and really cute, i love it when these two are just being idiots. great inclusion of the other teammates too. read it for this line alone: “[You’re doing] That thing where you forget to look like you hate Dex and just stare at him like some Victorian lady who just saw a hot dude for the first time.” because it made me laugh out loud

things that go bump in the night by @smashthatlikebitty

The first time it happens, Dex rolls over and flings so many obscenities in Nursey’s direction that even his Grandmother would have to sit down — and she cursed so much at Dex’s cousin’s wedding that the whole family has been banned from that church ever since.

Nursey just stills in the dark, one shoe off. A languid, infuriating presence. “Chill, man.”

essentially all the times nursey’s clumsy ass wakes dex up in the night. oh how i love pretending these two roomied their way into a relationship! this is so cute, smiled all the way through

some things take two people to build by @cricketnationrise

“You are the single most dramatic person I have ever met,” Dex mutters, trying valiantly to hide his grin.

Or, 5 times Dex wishes their relationship was real +1 time he doesn't have to

this was so fun, yet again i love them being idiots!!! these two in new york city is so important to me. and i for one would LOVE to read the work party 5+1 fic. just saying

[bensonsbobblehead]

What Angels Fear 

Category: ANGST 

Pairings: Aaron Hotchner x Daughter!Reader 

The aftermath of Aaron being shot by Foyet from his daughters pov.

Content warnings: PTSD, shootings, hospitals, sadness, fear, guns, dad Aaron. Reader is seventeen and jack and haley do not exist

wc; 1.4k

[masterlist]

Seeing him this way destroyed you completely. It was understandable, he was shot while you slept in the other room. As to why Foyet decided not to touch you was loss on everyone. 

You knew about how hard his job was and the challenges he faced. Being unit chief was a hard job but your dad handled everything that life had thrown at him. 

He fought hard not to bring his cases home to you. Always keeping the house as serial-killer free as possible. The house was always filled with laughs and movie nights. All you both had was each other. 

The older you got the more you realized it was hard for him. He’d come in your room after certain cases and just hold you. It was one particular case where he didn’t want you to leave his side. 

Having to spend two entire nights in an FBI building wasn’t ideal but you got to skip school so it was a win. 

Aaron was your hero and you hated to see him this way. You were affected by the shooting also, waking up to just a pile of blood on the floor without your dad. 

Calling his phone just to hear it ringing in the other room, it was nerve racking to say the least. Your Aunt Emily had to search the house for you. She found you in the closet soaked in sweat and tears. 

When they told you he was in the hospital, you didn’t leave his side for a second. By the time he got home things had started to get better. Of course he jumped right back into work but it was expected. 

Everything was fine until two nights ago. It had been late and he was on a case. When you weren’t babysitting for JJ or with friends you were home alone. 

Your dad hated leaving you there after Foyet but he had cameras out and inside the apartment. It made you and him feel safer knowing that Gracia was constantly checking up on you. 

It was around 11 at night when you finally finished binging the latest teen drama you could find. Putting in your headphones, you headed toward the kitchen for a snack. Starting a song and opening your door you walked down the dark hallway. 

Seeing that the faint light above the sink was on you knew your dad was home now. What you didn’t know was that your dad did not hear you come down the hall. Well, he heard you, he just didn’t know it was you. 

Before you could make it to the kitchen your dad was already standing there with his gun drawn. 

Pointed directly at you.

“Daddy?” You said softly headphone now out of your ears with your phone close to your chest looking for some comfort. 

He stood there still as a statue with the scariest look you’ve ever seen on his face. The barrel of his gun still aimed at you.  

“Dad? It’s me! Y/n!” you yelled attempting to get him to stop. 

“It’s your daughter, daddy please stop!” You yelled at him through your tears but he wouldn’t budge. You had never felt real fear until now. Your dad was going to kill you. 

You walked back slowly with sobs, as he began to snap out of it. Aaron look down at his hands and then back up at you. Your face crushed him completely, he scared you. 

“Y/N I’m ——” He said walking toward you slowly causing you to run into your room and lock the door. 

He softly knocked and tried to open the door, “Y/n im so sorry honey, I don’t — I don’t know why please sweets, I’m sorry.” You could hear that he was crying and how hurt he was. You couldn’t do it though because truthfully you were scared. 

How could he? Your dad had his gun pointed at you. A gun you know he’s pointed at some of the worst people to exist. 

The emotions you were feeling was all over the place. Terror which made you angry, which then turned to sadness. 

He’s probably so mad at himself. You know he didn’t mean it. Your dad was your hero he would never point a gun at you, that’s not who he is. 

That’s the thing, that wasn’t who he was. He was a man that was shot by a psychopath in his own home. Not to mention said man was still out there somewhere. 

You still couldn’t face your dad right now, usually you were good at these type of things. Well your dad was, he was always there to help you with everything. 

Mean girls, failing test, period cramps he was there by your side to comfort you. But this time you only had one person you could think of. 

Uncle Spence 

He knew everything and was there for you whenever you needed a friend. Most of the time he was the one you talked to when you need raw advice. 

He was the youngest on the team so he could kind of understand you better. 

You dialed him fast and just told him to come over. You just needed someone to help you because it was like you couldn’t breathe. 

It had been a moment until you heard a knock on your door again. You jumped and your heart was pounding all over again.

“Y/N, it’s Spencer” the voice was soft and your body calmed down.  You unlocked the door opening it to your dad sitting on the floor. 

Distraught wasn’t the word. Broken. You swallowed it down and quickly closed the door. Spencer sat on your desk chair as you sat on the bed. By the look on his face you knew your dad already told him what happened. 

“He told me what happened” he said softly, 

“I’ve never seen him like that Uncle Spence.”

“I know.” He reassured you, 

“He was just gone and it was like nothing there. Just black and it scared me.” You were now full blown crying.

“I know, it’s just harder for him dealing with George Foyet. He came into your home and almost murdered your father with you 75 feet away.”

You nodded knowing how scared your dad was in that moment, not knowing if you were alright. He continued,

“I know it’s no excuse but he has ptsd from it but we both know he’ll never admit. I think he’s more upset that he hurt you.”

Tears grew in your eyes again thinking about your dad and how he felt. 

“I have to see him” you quickly got up heading to the door with Spencer behind. You opened to see your dad standing outside the door. He still couldn’t leave you without knowing if you were okay.

“Daddy” swinging the door open and running into his arms, he held you tighter than ever. You both were crying 

“I’m so so sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking.” He explained, “I don’t know what’s  gotten into me,” 

You were still hugging him buried into his chest “I’m fine dad I know you didn’t mean it” pulling back to make eye contact with him. 

Once Spencer left you and your dad sat on the couch snuggled into each other. It was still a tense feeling with you both but it didn’t matter. You loved your dad and you knew, from your Uncle Spence, what trauma can do to a person. 

“If you don’t feel safe here I can arrange for you to stay with Spencer or Jennifer, I don’t want to .. hurt you.” 

His voice was the smallest you’ve ever heard it, and it broke you a little. The strongest man you know at his weakest. 

“Dad” 

“Y/n I almost shot you. I pointed my gun at my baby girl.” 

He looked over at with tears falling from his eyes same as you. 

“I know dad but you would never hurt me. See I’m fine” showing him that you were perfectly fine cause truthfully you were.

“I know you went through the unimaginable and I want to stay here with you cause you’re my hero.” Smiling up at him as you continued,

“You’re just having a hard time right now and I can’t blame you for that. That’s what you always taught me that people aren’t their bad days. I love you dad. Always.”

Laying back on his shoulder choosing to leave the conversation at that. Hard days, weeks, and months always happened and today was his. 

“I love you too sweets, always” he said wiping his tears and placing a soft kiss to your forehead. Better days were coming for the both of you. 

[matthewsbaby]

The worst he could say

⋅ ─ in which she confess her feelings to her long time crush, only to find out he likes someone else

Matt Sturniolo x Fem Reader

✦ ⋅ ─ ───────── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅

Matt and y/n were currently working on a school project at her house.

“How’s the research going?” Matt asks while typing away at his computer. “I found a few websites but I don’t trust the— y/n?”

She snaps out of her longing gaze of admiring the brunette boy. “Oh— yes?”

He gives her a look. “Did you find anything?” His tone was soft when speaking to the girl, making her heart flutter in madness.

Right, the project!

“Yeah here,” she scoots closer, giving him a view of her laptop screen. She uses this as an excuse to sit closer to him. “These good?” She asks.

Matt leans closer to get a better look, oblivious to the blushing girl right next to him. “Yeah,” he chuckles, “Nice job y/n these are way better than the ones I found.”

She smiles giddily at his praise, returning back to her spot on the couch.

After working for what had seemed to be a couple minutes, y/n let out a yawn. Matt faced her, “we can continue tomorrow if you want, we don’t have to rush ourselves—“ He spoke as he shuffled his pile notes into a clean stack and starts throwing them into his backpack

Y/n’s eyes widen with a frown. She didn’t want him to leave. “No! I’m not tired like sleepy. I’m just tired of working on the project.”

“Oh.” He says.

With a sudden boost of confidence she decided to ask, “do you wanna watch a movie?”

Matt thinks for a second. “Uh, sure. Let me just text my brothers and tell them that I’ll be home late.” Matt pulls out his phone.

Y/n’s heart fills with joy and she quickly runs to her room to grab a few extra blankets before returning to the living room.

Matt gives her a small smile as the duo got comfortable on the couch. Y/n settles on the movie “10 Things I hate about you.”

Around 20 minutes in y/n lets out a yawn and subtly leans her head on Matt’s shoulder, making the boy tense before leaning into her embrace. Her heart fluttered at his movements, and more so when he placed his arm around her shoulder.

Halfway through the movie she felt nothing but comfort in his arms, not wanting the moment to end.

She felt a small vibration on her lap and pulled out her phone, pressing on the text she had gotten from her bestfriend Tara.

Tara: YOURE WITH MATT RN???? WATCHING A MOVIE??? AND I FIND OUT FROM NICK?

Y/N: it’s not like anything crazy is happening.. we’re just cuddling

Tara: “Just cuddling” MHM

TELL HIM HOW U FEEL ALREADY

Y/N: ABSOLUTELY NOT

IM SCARED T

Tara: hey, the worst he could say is no

Y/n set her phone down with a sluggish smile. Tara was right. The worst he could say is no. She was already in his arms, so that must mean he likes her back right?

The movie was coming to an end. Y/n and Matt slowly found themselves drifting off into a slumber.

It’s now or never, y/n thought to herself.

“Matt?” She mumbles, looking up to meet his heavy eyes.

“Hmm?” He replies tiredly, giving her that soft stare that made her stomach flutter.

“I— can I tell you something?” She mentally curses at herself for stuttering, now propping herself up.

He answers with a nod, making her go on “Well,” she swallows, “I’m just gonna go right on and say it— I like you, Matt. I’ve liked you ever since the day Nick introduced us to eachother, I just—“ she stops her words to look at Matt who only stayed stunned in silence. “I like you.”

He stared at her, trying to process the words that came out of her mouth.

No, no, no. Y/n thought.

If there’s anything she knew about love confessions, it was that silence is never a good sign.

She took a deep breath. “Please say something.” She mutters, trying to meet his eyes but Matt only looked away.

“I— uhm.” He scratches the back of his head.

She fidgets with her sweaty hands, waiting for him to say something— anything.

“You’re a pretty girl… and you’re sweet and— and I’m sorry but I can’t.”

There it was. Those words alone were just enough to slice through y/ns heart. “But I thought—“

“I like someone else.” He blurts in almost a whisper. Y/ns breath hitched for a moment, and her stomach churns in heartbreak. For the first time, she was speechless.

What did Tara say?

“The worst he could say is no”?

Yeah, fuck that.

“I’m sorry if it felt like I was giving you the wrong impression, I really am. I— you deserve the world and I can’t give that to you if I’m in love with someone else—“

“Just stop.” Y/n sniffles, getting off the couch. “I think its best if you go.”

Matt nods, avoiding her gaze as he grabs his backpack, taking one last glance at the girl before leaving out the front door.

That was when y/n broke.

He loved another.

He loved someone.

And that someone wasn’t her.

✦ ⋅ ─ ───────── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅

LMFOAOOOOAOOAOAOAO

God help us all I’m never writing again I’m done it’s over this is the end

I dedicate this to Bubs @mutualsafe

[rose-l-20]

Dad Head-canons - T.I.K

Master-list

Warnings: Mentions of childbirth/pregnancy, Dad jokes

AFAB reader. fluff.

Summary: How I see Tom as a Dad with the help of my current wave of baby fever 😂

Sorry if it’s a bit all over the place!

1000% takes as many days off as he can both during your pregnancy and the first couple of months after you give birth. 

Two words “GIRL DAD!!!!”. I’ve seen SO MANY other peoples HCs on multiple platforms saying the same thing and i’m so glad im not the only one that thinks this. I see him being the “as long as they’re healthy” type, but the minute the doctor announces “it’s a girl!” he (respectfully) would burst into tears of joy and bounce around the room and mumble “I knew it”.

As well as helping take care of the little angel, he would have the eye of a hawk when it comes to your recovery. Always makes sure you’re taking the right vitamins, drink plenty of water, have eaten all 3 meals of the day plus snacks/fruits, helps you with postpartum care and gives you cuddles, love and praise. 

Has a million different nicknames/terms of endearment to your daughter. some are sweet like, “My Princess” “My World” “Munchkin”. some are funny like, “Miss wriggle-giggle” “Milk-coholic” “sassy-gassy” which you laugh at every time.

I see Ice doing local or base related jobs (like teaching) instead of missions because he wants to be as close as possible to his family. 

When it comes to milestones, if he misses even one of them he will be excited but feel both jealous and utter disappointment. When it comes to your daughters first word, he makes it his mission to have her say “dada” first to the point he hides a photo of himself in the flat surface of the mobile above the crib. 

If he succeeds, he will brag about it for months until she eventually says “Mamma” and then he will stop. If he looses, he would mope around the house for a while in self pity and say “how dare you” as soon as the “Mmm” sound starts.

I see him being good at: dressing wounds (of course giving it a kiss), morning routine, school lunches (you write the note), homework help, bike training and first swimming lesson.

I see him being not-so-good at: night time routine, school drop off, being serious when his children have done something bad and keeping his wallet closed (his weakness is the puppy eyes and will spoil).

Invites all his Naval friends over to meet the bubba and they all refer to themselves as “Uncle ____” to which the both of you love and melt over. They all are super respectful by making sure they wash their hands and arms before getting the all clear to hold her.

as she hits 3 years old, her personality/mannerisms shows up in full swing and its the perfect combination of the both of you. His cockiness, compassion, and smile are the main ones. 

At this point you are pregnant with your second child, and Tom is on the way to becoming Admiral. Both being equally as important and exciting. 

Your daughter is already calling herself “Big sister” and wants to let every person she encounters to know and feels prideful when she gets told “you will be the best sister!”.

The two of you take her to her first day of kindergarten and even though your body has double the amount of hormones, Ice cried the most/hardest and once she was out of site and settling in you had to drag him out because he would stand there all day if he could. 

Soon you welcome twins. Another girl and a boy, which delighted you both and made your first born very excited.

Ice loved getting to experience the growth of 2 children. he loved seeing all the similarities and differences between them.

Ice made sure to be equal and take care of you the same way he did with your first pregnancy/birth, but would admit he found it harder as it wasn’t just the three of you. Tom hated to admit that he needed assistance some days and both sets of grandparents were more than eager.

When all of them were old enough (ages 8 and 5), Ice took them to work and showed them everything and there was not one bored face out of the three.

When taking them into his office so he could get an hour or two of work in, the oldest daughter asked “why aren’t there any pictures of girl Pilots or Rios Papa?” and he went on to explain why and how that was going to change soon. This ignited a flame in the 8 year old, and she got to work on her call sign, which at that age was “Snowflake”. 

Tom may not be taking professional missions anymore, but in the back yard with a DIY cardboard MiG-28 he was on at least 4 a week and for the first time in his career he was a Rio.   

All your children love Career’s day at school as they get to bring in Admiral Tom “Iceman” Kazansky! and because of the amount of times he was asked to come in, he was gifted a display in the school and he gave them some of his medals and gear for it. 

When Tom became a Dad, he became a Dad. this means he does the “i was watching that” when he looked dead asleep, gets off the couch with a “woah” and his Dad jokes were enough to make his children want to run for the hills. Tom evolved more as the years went by to the arms crossed legs shoulder width apart when speaking to his “daddy’s group” friends.

When the kids are tweens-teens he switches from the “trying not to laugh” dad to “I give you these rules because I care (but still trying not to laugh)” dad. Definitely does the “who, what, when, where, why?” When they start hanging out with friends and partying.

Takes his children on joy rides with his Admiral privileges. He even gave them their own helmets designed and custom to each child.

Would 100% help with them wanting to apply into flight school, would shine his rank in the absolute worst case scenario.

Gives a speech at all the graduation ceremonies, but cries when it’s one of his kids class and the audience and you “aww” at it.

Always makes sure that he takes you on date night throughout the years and spoils you like he always does.

Just a genuine and amazing dad

If you want more or another list of Headcanons feel free to request

Lia 🤍🧊

[finnitesimal]

Ordem Paranormal Quarantena fucking knocked it out of the park it was insane Im grappling with so much I'm so insanely tired

There was a funny bit I was thinking of around the whole second bit where I was going Carol you hallmark protagonist fuck

Because first of all her name. that was the main part it's on the same level as Noel and Nick and Holly but there were also certain aspects of her character that in my delirious mind reminded me of the hypocrisy and drama of the typical independent business lady in a christmas movie as well as the I-can-do-no-wrong mindset of a romantic fantasy shoujo romance protagonist

And I thought. Man. There was a very clear path this story couldve taken with these characters and setting if it were not roleplay.

(note: not talking about the ccs or the actual characters but the Tropes the characters fall into and Could've been in generic science fiction horror)

A plucky new scientist with dreams to make a difference in an evil monster-ridden world and prove her skills despite being underestimated and looked down on by her friends and colleagues, and her direct senior with whom she has a negative relationship with due to his demonstrated lack of practical skill but mysterious higher connections to the board and therefore is ranked higher while she falls behind. She has moments of butting heads with him before the disaster breaks out in the facility and she has to struggle to stay alive and hidden until she's rescued by that same suddenly impressive senior with whom there's multiple tight spaces to be stuck with and convenient makeovers and sudden cold they have to share body warmth for. It's overWhelmingly easy to guess the plot

The plot in which None of the gang are mentioned. Because in this hypothetical B-list horror romance, they don't exist as people, but plot devices and tropes

They're there to provide funny moments and emotional weight as well as conflict to the overdone plot.

You have Luis, tank, everyman strongman with a soft heart and unclear but dangerous living conditions (poor). Probably the backup boyfriend in case the thing with Mikael doesn't work out, ends up sacrificing his life to save her due to some completely preventable situation cause she was too stubborn to listen, and gets a future project (maybe even a baby) named after him.

You have Jeffrey, funnyman, scapegoat, coward with zero friends and terrible priorities, multiple jobs (poor). Kind of useless, constantly infuriating and taking up space and meddling with things he doesn't know Anything about when she could've made a solution if he'd handed it over and dies to the zombies for the crime of irritating our protag.

Diego, hippie allegory, lives out of his backpack he literally calls his home, his life (poor) and has herbs (weedhead) that she'd try to be Fixing and eventually succeed in 'reforming' and sending him back to school due to her natural disposition in helping those in need.

You have Lucie, finally another girl, unfortunately in both horror and tropey romance, we Hate any other woman besides our all-powerful and beloved protagonist, so she's the nerd archetype but not the cute, efficient way our protag is nerdy but in the weirdo unnecessarily jargon-filled and Unappealing (unattractive) way. She dies the same way in the movie.

Benito was Made to be hated. It's the sly evil smirk and sunglasses and a beanie with the unprofessional labcoat and talking about things he doesn't understand like he does and taking her accomplishments and mocking her life as a scientist fighting to save the world and how he always seems to be looking down at her and definitely wouldve been the one to hide an infection and endanger the group he's the character whose death you're Meant to starting cheering for when he's dragged kicking and screaming onto the rusty laden, jagged roof and played with and pounced on till his insides squeeze out of him like toothpaste

Mattias was there so our protagonist could have her badass "I'm not like you I won't take a life because you're a coward" speech before he turns and nearly gets the group

Emi and Anderson were there so we could have a real man-to-man fatherly conversation about what it means to protect the ones you love and to pass on the torch as 'Leader' before he succumbs to the virus and begs to die before he hurts his girl, and so they could have wholesome pseudo-parenthood with a confused but reasonable child who absolutely understands that they're doing the right thing because they're the good guys and calls Carol mom when she's in danger near the end

It could've been a zombie survival plot about two arguably well-off individuals facing the consequences of a project they still believe could change the world and their tag-along group of meatshields to throw at the problem until their glorious melancholy escape where they're hailed as heroes for containing and eventually completing their groundbreaking research

and a horrific experience for a group of people who just wanted to make an easy few bucks till the next paycheck. They could've split those 50 dolalrs and jumped each other in the parking lot they didn't need to go through all that

Carol is driven, she's serious, she's ambitious and believes in the good that her research (the team's research) will bring and she's surrounded by people who don't understand that they're the good guys and are trying to find fault in her So she's willing to make sacrifices so she's willing to take it upon herself to decide who the team needs more she doesn't care if she dies as long as the world knows she saved it she needs to hear anything and everything people say in case it's about her or something she might care about it she's got braided hair and easily breakable glasses

Mikael is keeping things to himself to preserve his level of control over the situation because who knows what these guys are really like and he Saved them by telling them everything they need to know and they repay him by chopping his arm off? they're ungrateful and unserious So he kept himself safe while they had numbers and clues on their side They Managed Didn't They? Aren't they alive right now? they don't understand how important it is that he lives no one understands how important it is that Nidere lives he's got stylish curly hair and a fitted turtleneck

They both have a need to be heroes in a sense, to matter in the grand scheme of things they need to be at the forefront they need to be the ones who saved Everyone. Everybody is Only Alive because of THEM.

It's just really fascinating to me how. A different perspective of things kind of switches their roles as protagonists and cannon fodder

[milo-webp]

Maybe Friends Aren't So Bad

FIRST FIC!! This was a request by @fefe-the-cat! I hope you like it :D

TW for: Canon typical violence, a good amount of swearing (cmon it's Dallas Winston)

773 words

Dallas's day was not going well. Hell, his whole life wasn't going well. He had woken up with a hang over, which was never enjoyable, but he could survive that. It wasn't until he found out Sylvia had cheated on him once again had things really turned to shit.

Dallas needed to pick a fight to release all the pent up emotion he felt. And he did end up finding some random soc to rile up; what he failed to realize was that this particular soc wasn't alone. In fact he had several freinds that Dallas had failed to notice. Friends who were much, much larger than Dallas.

So here Dallas was, limping his way to the Curtis house with blood dripping into one eye. God I hate it when blood gets in my eye Dallas thought as he roughly wiping his eye, just agrivating the wound further.

His plan was to just go in, get cleaned up, get out. No one should've been thereat the moment. Soda and Steve were both working at the DX. Ponyboy, Johnny, and Two-Bit were all at school. Darry should be at his roofing job. Life, however, had other plans. Or rather Darrel Curtis had other plans.

" Glory, Dal, what the hell happened to you?!"

Dallas flinched when he saw that Darry was in fact Not at work. Squeezing his eyes shut for a second to ease the pain from Darry's hollering bringing back that damn hangover headache. Dallas shouldered his way past Darry, trying to get to the bathoom where all the first aid supplies were.

"I'm fine Darry. Now shut it, will ya'? I've got a migraine." Darry wasn't having it though. Stepping infront of Dallas, Darry gripped Dally's shoulders trying to examine his injuries.

"You look like you got the shit beat outta you. Did you get jumped or something?" Dallas glared at his friend… wait…friend? God Dallas really was getting soft. When did he start thinking about the gang as his friends? He never thought about his old gang members back in New York as friends. Why is this any differant. He needed too change the perspective of the gang . They weren't friends. They were allies. Only al- Jesus fucking christ, could that cut stop bleeding?! Blood was dripping into his eye again. He hated when blood got in his eyes.

"-allas? Dallas!?" Dallas was shot out of his thoughts by Darry's worried voice. "Are you ok? I asked you if you needed help cleaning that cut up? it looks like it needs stitches…"

Right. Dallas needs to clean the cuts that littered his face. One of those cuts kept getting blood in his eye. He hated having blood gets in his eye. He wiped his eye again. "Jesus, Darry, I told ya'. Im Fine. I just don't keep any first aid shit at Buck's."

Darry's eyes scrunched up in worry. "Are you sure? Because it looks pretty bad… I've done stitches a few times. They may not be pretty but it'll get the job done."

Dallas gritted his teeth. Why couldn't Darry just let it go? It's not like he should care! Dallas Winston was a no good JD. A hood. He was a bad influince on Ponyboy. He never did anything that was good or useful. All he did was mess up.

In his emotion, Dallas hadn't realized that he was saying his thoughts outloud. But what he did notice was Darry's pained expression. Fuck. Darry wasn't supposed hear that.

"Dal…" Darry's voice was strained with worry. His eyes were soft. Softer than anyones eyes should look while looking at Dallas Winston.

Some emotion that he didn't recognize started to build up in Dallas. And of course Dallas turned that emotion into anger. Because anger is all Dallas knew how to feel.

"What the fuck is that look? Are you pittying me? Dont fucking pitty me Darrel. I'm not some little kid who cant handle himself. I don't need you to worry about me. And I don't— GOD DANMIT WHY DOES BLOOD KEEP DRIPPING IN MY EYE!" Dallas furiously wiped his eye, just worsening the cut that was causing him his strife.

In pain and in a shit emotional state, Dallas began to do something he hadn't done in years. Cry.

It was as the first sob hit that Dallas felt a pair of arms wrap around him. Dally started to cry even more. He hadn't had a hug in… he doesn't even know how long. He melted into his friends arms. Maybe Darry did care about him. Maybe having friends is a good thing. Maybe friends aren't so bad.

[chiquititaosita]

maki with a teen mom reader

osita note: I swear working at daycare has given me so much more energy to come up with ideas to write for myself and to post ofc

contents: wlw, teen pregnancy, single mom reader adorable baby girl!! , wholesome shit, (reader and maki are 20)

tags: @euphofic @luffyinlove @hangeslovers-world @abbyslev @hangespublicist @neptunes1nterweb @zarihaaa @yeagerzprettyblnt @sanjisblackasswife @roronoaswifey @roronoacherries @hqkalon @br4tphobia @kazushawty @ginger4sugar @noawithlove @backwzzds @killxio @mommypieck @etherealxmaya @chocolatetheoristcloud

- you work at the local daycare in Tokyo.

-knowing how maki reacted to y/n having a baby when she was in high school is very shocking to her.

- your first kiss with maki was super romantic because they took you out on a date. y’all instantly clicked fr fr.

-she didn’t even expect you to be a mother, of a beautiful little girl

-“Wait you have a kid!?” It was shock to maki’s eyes, as you told her during y’all’s dinner date.

- “I do.-“

- maki knowing that she growing up didn’t know what a family is like. Her clan is so fucking dysfunctional she doesn’t even understand, how a baby is. she’s heard a few things about babies ngl.

- Really it doesn’t bother her that you have a baby. It just shows that to her that you’re more capable and stronger than she thinks you are.

-so in order to reassure you while she dozed off “Maki??” And then she just shuts you up by kissing you again when y’all are staring at the moonlight near a park. holding your face cradling your head, as she embraced you.

-“do you have a picture of them?” your eyes smiled gently as you have sparkles in your face brightening your world.

- when she first meets you with your baby girl Hana who is 18 months old (she’s a year and 6 months old) she’s in shock by how tiny she is.

-Hana looks just like you, and knowing you had her at a young age it’s crazy, she says mama and DADA!

-Maki loves her and you. When she finds out how much you’re willing to protect her from curses.

- That’s when maki fell in love with you even more of course

- but when Hana is eating in her high chair. She’s watching maki cook and wash dishes.

- “damnit it’s cute.” maki hates to admit that, but she finds your baby to be the most adorable out of all babies.

- “bring Hana.” that’s one time maki sent a text and you brought her. Y’all went to the aquarium together. Hana loved it fr..

- even when you had to close you asked Maki to pick hana up from daycare aka your job that you work at. she doesn’t even say no.

- the minute hana saw maki, she’s smiling happily, and yelled “MAKI!” her black eyes sparkled. When one of the infant teachers saw maki. They were so happy for you fr

- “hi princess.” maki will say in a motherly like tone hugging Hana. She’s is like one of her own. “mama?” Hana is calling out softly and looking at Maki. With those big dark eyes.

-“Mama is going to meet up with us.” Maki is super reassuring to Hana, like her mother always was before she passed (Makis mom btw)

-“you wanna go see the deer??” Maki will ask Hana, as she says yes, hugging Maki. Like a second mama. “I love you maki-san.” That was the very first sentence that Hana has ever said to Maki. She full blown cried and hugged the baby. “I love you too Hana-Chan.” She’ll smile happily.

-“im gonna take care of you and your mama okay?”

- when maki confesses you. You start crying because you’re overwhelmed at the fact that maki loves your daughter. She melts her stone cold heart.

-maki is always including Hana into ways y’all can spend time together. Like a family.

-“ but you’re not her father.-“

-“so, he’s a shit bag. He left a responsibility that I’m willing to take upon myself.”

-“I rather be the cool stepmom anyway.” She’d give that sexy smirk, and also would sometimes eat you out when babygirl is asleep in her room.

-“look y/n I know this is very sudden. But I want to be there for you and Hana.”

- the moment they told you they’re willing to step up they’re going to make it. And be the best second Mother to ever exist.

- let alone they’ll be so sweet and kind to their child

-“Maki-chan!!” Hana will be running to see her and hug them tightly just to be showered with kisses.

-“Hey pumpkin, everything good??”

-“yeah! I got to be a dinosaur!!”

-moments with them are super pure. Maki only has pictures of you three. Hana, You and Hana. Maki and you. Even some with maki and Hana.

[artracoon]

PJO SERIES HOT TAKES/UNPOPULAR

OPINIONS. Sorry if I offend anyone, it's just an opinion. NO HATE I LOVE RICK AND THE ACTORS 💙(I just don't like Disney directing tbh)

The Athena kid in me is screaming at the top of their lungs because they think they could make a better script than Disney. BRO FINISH 2

Chapters in like 5 minutes- AND THE FIGHT SCENE BETWEEN MS DODDS AND PERCY

WAS RUUUUSHED Slow down Disney that was a good bit. They also made it happen outside instead of having her lead him inside. How hard did the mist have to work with all those people there???

Is it just me or is Sally kinda mean, where's our mom figure? Im crying over Luke's acting it was so good but also why are you dropping bombshells on us the second episode??

No offense to the actors but some of the lines felt like they were from Disney channel in the 2000s. It feels almost like a completely different story I understand why but I thought it was going to be more accurate

Love Annabeth’s "you drool when you sleep" but why was the scene setting so weird??

1 I drastically miss the Hellhound scene. It was one of my favorite scenes. They should have made the first two episodes *| accidentally vaporized my math teacher" and "My mom teaches me bullfighting" then they wouldn't have had to rush it so much. So much information was thrown at us in the first episode I couldn't process it. Also the convo between Percy and Sally in the Cabin was really unrealistic... Why did she have to drop that on Percy so fast I thought Mr. D and Chiron were supposed to have that conversation with Percy.

The bathroom scene was fine but I really wish Annabeth could have been there, instead of making her look like a huge stalker. We could have had her show him around camp like I get we want to build that relationship with Luke so it hits harder but Idk I personally wouldn't want her on my team if all she did was go "Im stalking you to see if your worthy" ditch me and watch me fight 3 v1 and then push me in the ocean. The Ares kids bashing... but Clarisse's acting was great. That scream of anger was amazing.

I feel like they took the first book and went

"eh don't need this, or this hmmm nah that doesn't seem important" and then shook it all about. They changed so much to save time but they didn't even make it a movie so there wasn't much point??

The intro was fine. I didn't really like the dialogue between Percy and Sally at the beginning. The museum was okay but we didn't get a lesson about Kronos so no foreshadowing for that at all. No one really seems to remember this but Percy didn't keep the pen and it doesn't make sense for him to as-well with getting kicked out of school. In the Book Percy was given the pen while fighting Miss Dodds. Afterwards he was still unknowingly clutching the pen when he went to talk to Mr.Brunner who took his pen back saying he should bring his own pen next time, making Percy more confused because Mr.Brunner had given him the pen.

Later when he's leaving for the quest Chiron gives him the pen saying it was from his dad. That means Percy wouldn't have had the pen during his time at camp and his fight with the minotaur. So it wouldn't make sense for him to defeat the minotaur with its horn rather than his pen if he had the pen. In the book he HAD to defeat the minotaur with his own horn because he had no other weapon.

He had a hard time on the beach and during sword training because no other sword felt right. I could rant forever on everything they overlooked.

Sorry no one asked for this rant i'm just so upset because Rick said it was going to be accurate and he chose these Actors because they would be able to play the parts more accurately but the script doesn't work so I there's no point in having actors who would do a good job if the script doesn't do a good job

[play-rough]

hello mx playrough.. ik u are working very hard at life at the moment and i am very proud of u

my senior year of high school just started, and i remembered that i really really hate school. It's very big and loud, and I've never been able to keep friends, so it's very lonely. also, it's illegal (by law) for me to have my phone in class, so i can't even read or listen to music while im there. i have to get a second job to help pay rent soon and im really really tired all the time, so i want to thank u for writing this fic series, ive been following it for the past couple years and it has made life a little more bareable.

anytime ive had a too hard time at work or a really bad day at school, i just think.. at least there is always baby otter and chuuya at the end of the day.. so thank u lots.. i hope your medication thing goes your way and that things get easier for you as youve made them for me 💖💖💖

School sucks so bad, I had a really hard time in hs and college so I totally feel you. Please believe me when I say life gets 100x better when high school ends, and if college is something you want to pursue don’t be afraid to take it as slow as you need (one class a semester, one class every other semester, do your pace). You’re in the home stretch of high school though and you’ll be done soon, I believe in you! I hope you are able to find jobs you enjoy 🩷

Chuuya and Baby Otter will be here 🩷 writing these has a positive effect in my life too, and I will continue to write them as long as I continue to have inspiration for more (I’ve got a lot of ideas haha I don’t think I’ll run out anytime soon)

[hwangjins00]

Johnny Lawrence and the self-fulfilling prophecy

so i've been thinking about this for a while and also because s6p1 just came out but i think that johnny is one of the best examples of a self-fulfilling prophecy in ck.

SO we've seen multiple times that johnny's been told he ruins people, by danial, robby, shannon, and carmen, even terry. And i'm not gonna disregard his actions, i agree that he has done a lot of stuff that negatively affected himself and those around him, not limited to becoming a functioning alcoholic, teaching kids aggression, drunk fights, being an absentee father, etc

BUT we also see him try a lot of times to get his act together and do better for the people around him, such as teaching miguel mercy, cleaning up his apartment and trying to limit drinking for carmen, and trying to get along with daniel for the sake of his students, but he's still criticized even for trying his best, the only character to consistently have been on his side through his highs and lows has been miguel.

out of all the characters the one who refuses to see johnny's change the most is probably daniel, and this is NOT a daniel hate post, i love daniel and he's one of my favourite kk and ck characters but that doesn't disregard the fact that he tends to have knee-jerk reactions and gets unbalanced easily when it comes to johnny. A lot of the characterization in the show can be attributed to writing choices but i'm going to try my best to not make that my main focus.

alright lets start!

when johnny first opens up his dojo its partly because of the anger he feels towards daniel for succeeding in life but mainly because he doesn't want miguel to keep getting beat on and miguel probably reminds him of himself before he met kreese. Daniel is the one to come to johnny and tell him to close cobra kai and this is completely valid seeing as how daniel's experiences with cobra kai were in his youth, however its also been 30 years and its reasonable to assume that johnny isnt still a high school bully. He tells miguel that if he doesnt leave the dojo he'll end up 'just like' johnny. Right off the bat we have someone insinuating that johnny is a terrible role model. Then when daniel starts training robby and discovers robby's homelife he goes to talk to johnny just to immediately turn on him the second he sees kreese, he doesn't talk to johnny to clear up the situation and he doesn't tell him about his son, and yes johnny has been a shitty dad but he deserves to know that his kid is going to be living with someone else (i honestly thought it was crazy that daniel never mentioned that he had johnny's SON IN HIS HOUSE??)

when robby takes sam to johnny's apartment when she was drunk daniel literally kicked down his door and got into a physical fight with johnny because he couldn't believe that johnny was being considered a safe space for his son to bring his crush to in order to sober up and wouldn't listen to johnny rationally asking him to calm down. and S6 SPOILERS but i think that out of the two of them johnny was trying much harder to be accomodating to daniel, he gave up the name cobra kai and eagle fang for miyagi do, worked kata into his teaching and geniunely tried to not be so hard headed and quick to fight. He tried to get a job (daniel making him switch from using karate as a job was honestly crazy, that was literally how he was paying bills and putting food on the table, johnny asking to be paid for his time and effort wasnt an insane ask especially considering that daniel owns multiple dealerships and chozen comes from a rich family as well, johnny is the only one that actually needed the dojo as a way to make money) and just overall be there, im not saying hes a great dad right away but its obvious that he's trying to be there for both miguel and robby without making either one of the boys feeling forgotten. (ex, telling them both he's proud win or lose, tying robby's headband, listening to miguel's college essay)

HOWEVER, it seems that no matter what he does, johnny is almost never seen positively by anyone other than miguel and devon. daniel switches up on him instantly (he drops people at the first sight of their flaws, as soon as johnny takes even a single step backwards instead of acting rationally and looking at the situation + offering support he tells johnny he'll never change and drops him immediately, he did the same thing with robby and doing that to a teenager dependent on you for food and shelter is honestly crazy), carmen has been pretty much sidelined due to the baby (i have THOUGHTS on this), kreese is his only supporter and he was literally tripping balls and snapped hallucination johnny's neck like a stale breadstick so johnny doesnt really have much in the way of a good support system

now for those that have somehow stuck around lol lets get to the actual point (i realized here that i literally just blabbed for so long without making my point lmfao)

a self-fulfilling prophecy is essentially: you become what you are told. if i told you everyday that you will never amount to more than what you are right now, ive 'prophesied' your future and to self-fulfil it you would just stop trying because you know that nothing you do will ever change my mind.

in a similar vein i believe that deep down johnny DOES believe that no matter what he does or how hard he tries he'll never be able to move past the image of him thats already been made up in peoples minds (society for all it talks about rehabilitation does not tend to actually support those who want to rehabilitate- more thoughts below) and so he goes through a constant cycle of disappointing those around him again and again because no one believes he can be any better and he's internalized that, i honestly have soo many thoughts about johnny's character in kk1 and ck and i would love to chat with anyone interested about it

re: society and rehab

so people talk the good talk about how rehabilitation is important and necessary, in the show daniel is able to form good friendships with both chozen and mike who were arguably much worse than johnny was to him (chozen fought in a literal DEATH MATCH against him and mike harassed him, dangled him off a cliff, forced him to compete in a rigged match where he pretty much just whaled on him on the mat), why was daniel able to forgive these guys but not johnny? my theory is that its because to him chozen and mike have their lives together and have also properly apologized for their actions (JJ&H im still waiting on that johnny apology where we address the 'you're alright larusso' line) meanwhile johnny has obviously gone downhill since HS, but daniel never takes his attempts to get it together seriously and along with a lot of the toxic ideals put into him by kreese, johnny doesn't take his rehabilitation seriously either, he can't afford rehab for his alcohol dependency (plus rehab isnt viewed positively by him either) and he doesnt have a very steady support system so that makes it even more difficult. unlike daniel he's never had a positive father figure in his life which makes it difficult for him to act as a father without fear of becoming kreese, i just wish that the show would take johnny's journey to becoming the man he wants more seriously

[pastelpousay]

Hi again…I’m sure we all know what the hell this is for 😭💀

Sorry ik I keep coming on here about my stupid personal problems but lowk I think I might take another break I still wanna draw and write and stuff but that junior year depression hit me so hard I literally can’t rn 💀 I feel so isolated and alone and I feel like my friends hate me ( except for like one but still I don’t even get to see them cuz we have no classes together anymore.) I’ll still post art when I feel like it but I think the depression actually hit me so hard I don’t even care about how many people like my art anymore 💀 that’s saying a lot and school is not a help- I’ve felt like this for a while even before school but like at least I can write it off now I can’t and it’s literally only the second week 💀💀😭 this shit is sad as fuck.

So yea I might just go offline I hope to come back on here and I may like stuff every now and again and check in on some people but other than that idk I just feel so unmotivated I haven’t done much of any digital and the ones I did I hate or I just don’t feel like working on them, like I legitimately feel awful 😭 Hades and Rina is my only comfort it makes me so happy I love talking about them idk why I made it feel like such a job when literally no one gives a fuck about this shit but me. It’s why all my friends hate me, why everyone thinks I’m weird. And literally I already know no one in my school fucks with me they legit look at ppl like they’re some science experiment. This is basically a fucking repeat of last time but yea. I literally can’t it’s about to be my birthday and I feel so ass I’ll post for my birthday but that’s it I can’t do this anymore I love Hadina with all my might I want them to be real I wish they were I don’t understand why I have to here at school practically completely isolated I feel like I don’t have anyone anymore, like I don’t even feel important whatd the point do I even matter at all?? Like what if people just pity me or something idek why I care I feel so stupid saying this but I need to get it out and I can’t go to my friends because 1. I feel like most of them don’t like me 2. I’m so sick of them trying to reason with me I’m grateful for the help but it’s the same every time it feels insincere or like they don’t even care anymore. It lowkey might be karma but yea.

Sorry for the vent I don’t even know if I’ll leave I’m literally so desperate but I don’t even care. I miss when i started this blog when I was actually having fun and stuff now it just feels like I’m working I don’t want to do that it sucks all the fun out. I never complete any writing or anything and this is why. I hate school I hate everything about it.

OAKY AGAIN SORRY FOR THE VENT IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO STUPID

[heartache-otbs]

daylight - lrh (songfic)

an: this song is stuck in my head and i figured it'd be an ouchie fic so im sorry

summary: songfic, daylight by maroon 5 (first verse / chorus)

pairing: luke hemmings x reader

warnings: angst maybe? it's sad.

word count: 767

Here I am waiting, I have to leave soon. Why am I holding on?

Luke lays under the cool silk sheets, your body close to his as he lightly caresses your face under the moonlight. He can't sleep.

He hasn't been able to sleep for weeks. He's been stressing about going off on tour, without you. He loved his job, he loved travelling the world and he loved his fans.

But he also hates his job, because it takes him away from you.

Tomorrow is the day he has to leave, you had fallen asleep pretty early, tired from helping him back and prepare. So Luke had been staring at you for hours, memorizing what your face looked like and touching every square inch of skin he could, trying to hold on to you.

We knew this day would come, we knew it all along. How did it come so fast?

Luke doesn't know why he's desperately trying to hold onto you when this day was inevitable, how could he be so upset when this day had been coming for months? Shouldn't have he accepted it by now?

He thought it was just yesterday that he came home to you, announcing that he could finally go back on tour after the pandemic. How happy you two were and how proud you were of Luke. There was so much love and happiness in that moment, yet that memory in Luke's mind has faded into a blue hue of hidden regret.

It's too soon. Luke begins having second thoughts. I can't leave.

This is our last night, but it's late. And I'm trying not to sleep. Because I know when I wake, I will have to slip away.

Luke has hit the point of exhaustion, he can barely keep his eyes open but he refuses to go to sleep. The moment he wakes up he has to get in the car and get on the road, you couldn't take him because you had a school priority that you couldn't get out of.

"That's okay," Luke had sighed when you told him that you wouldn't be able to see him off "you need to do what ya need to do YN"

Inside he was torn to shreds, knowing he couldn't kiss you at the gate made him not want to go through it.

So Luke kisses you now, soft kisses all over your face while you sleep, his soft lips lingering on your warm skin every few seconds as he makes sure to kiss every inch.

And when the daylight comes I'll have to go, but tonight I'm gonna hold you so close. Because in daylight we'll be on our own. But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close.

You actually cried so much before bed. Once Luke got in the shower, you lost it. You were in such hysterics that Luke heard you from the bathroom and came out to comfort you, tears escaping his face as well.

As you held each other, Luke kept promising that he was never going to let you go. That he'd never let anything come between the two of you, that he'd hold you forever if he needed to. He made a slight joke that he wouldn't go if it made you stop crying.

Was it really a joke though?

What the big thing was about the next day, was that you two had never necessarily been separated for each other for a long period of time. You two had gotten together right before the pandemic started, so you spent all of your time at each other's houses. Moved in together pretty quickly, he hadn't gone anywhere for work and if he did you went with him, because of the pandemic you had online school.

But now with societal normalities back in place, you and Luke had to be separated from each other. Something that you both would have to learn how to deal with.

You two really didn't know how to exist without the other one on hand, some would say it was an unhealthy codependency but you and Luke were just happy.

What would you even do without Luke? It'd be so quiet. So empty. You'd no longer have his comfort coming back from class. No more making pancakes for him on Saturday mornings. Your routine will be all out of sorts, what will make up for it?

You tried not to think about it once it crossed your mind, instead, you let Luke hold you as you drifted off, sinking into the last night you had him next to you, dreading the daylight.