#i hate that im basically doing this alone too
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hi i’m absolutely brain rottimg about dr ratio while trying to complete a lab report
just thinking about his partner complaining about statistics and about how they despise statistical analysis. they’ve got this report to do (i wonder where this idea is coming from…) and they’re dreading it
he notices them furrowing their brows as they input data into this analysis program, cursing under their breath.
“aeons, why is this so confusing…? the graphs they use… why can’t i tell if…” they’re mumbling under their breath, absolutely confused. they’ve actually been at it for a while, and ratio *hates* to admit that he’s beginning to miss their presence…
so he goes up and pries the laptop out of their hands, with a soft mumble of ‘you’re an idiot’ under his breath.
“i’ll help you out. it’s better than watching you fumble with the data like an idiot.” he says softly, but he really is too embarrassed to admit he would literally do their whole lab report for them if they asked him.
just thinking of soft fluffy dr ratio begrudgingly helping his partner suffer through their lab work. as a reward they smother him in kisses and he hates to admit he enjoys seeing them so happy and thankful…
GET HIM OUT OF MY BRAIN!!! IM BRAINROTTING!! I WANT HIM DEAD /J
Sorry, it took me a long time to respond to your request. Since you didn't specify gender, I decided to take a female reader
synopsis: [name] was tired and Ratio decided to help his lover
frmale!reader
Sitting on the flock sofa, Ratio looked up from his book from time to time to look at his watch. From the outside it may seem that he is completely calm, but inside the scientist was trying to overcome his own anxiety. Only the rapid tapping of his fingers on the pages of the book betrayed his irritation.
Ratio ran his hand through his disheveled hair and sighed irritably. How long he's been sitting here? Ever since you told him to go to bed alone because you had a lab report to fill out, and Ratio knew how much you hated that, but you hated asking him for help even more. And no matter how much Veritas respected you for this, your absence began to bother him.
And Ratio hates this feeling, now even being alone in the room seems like some kind of torture, he’s used to your more physical displays of affection, cuddling against his side, resting your head on his shoulder..
Quiet rustling noises made Ratio glance displeasedly towards the kitchen. He put the book on the coffee table and headed into the next room, trying to make as little noise as possible.
Already at the door frame, his golden eyes met your tired figure. He could hear you irritably whispering curses under your breath while writing something down, and Ratio began to fear that you were about to cry, seeing your completely confused face and futile attempts to fill out the table.
You didn't even notice his bulky figure standing right in front of you, and his worried expression never reached your eyes. For a couple of seconds, he had the urge to throw the ill-fated laptop out the window.
"Oh, I don't understand...what.."
Here again, Ratio rubbed the bridge of his nose, and with light steps walked straight to the table, before you even had time to come to your senses, as the gadget slammed shut in front of your face, making you flinch.
Veritas stands at the side of the table, keeping his hand on the computer and staring irritably straight into your tired eyes. His whole body was tense, as evidenced by the bulging veins on his strong arms and twitching muscles, you almost thought that he was going to scold you for your idiocy, as if you were one of his students.
"Veritas, what are you doing?"
He interrupted your question and leaned closer to your face, and you involuntarily held your breath, avoiding his assessing gaze and waiting for the next words.
“Idiot, how long are you going to rack your brain over such basic things? If you continue to stare mindlessly at the screen, knowledge will not appear in your head automatically.”
Ratio crossed his arms over his chest and looked at you expectantly. You laughed awkwardly and leaned back in your chair, relaxing for the first time in hours.
“What else could I do but stare mindlessly?”
You decided to joke to diffuse the tension. But your lover seemed to take it seriously and pointed to himself proudly.
"For example, asking me for help."
The look of surprise your face did not go unnoticed, but almost immediately it was replaced by a slight smile. Ratio's face relaxed a little, and his cheeks turned a light crimson shade.He cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure.
"I'll help you. It's better than watching you fiddle with data like an idiot."
In just a second he was sitting next to you, opening laptop to see what he had to work with. For aeons, he wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible and be in a soft bed with you in his arms.
You silently watched Veritas’s actions, listening to his explanations, but your thoughts constantly went somewhere else. Contrary to popular belief, Ratio is quite a cute lover, especially in the mornings when he is too sleepy to try to act cool and confident. And his attempts to hide his need for you are adorable.
Soon the work was almost finished, and you even learned something during this time and helped Veritas, for which you received a dry “not bad,” but pride was visible in his eyes.
You couldn't help but yawn, causing tears to form in your eyes. Your lover shook his head softly. His sweet troubled woman.
"Time for bed, you look like you might faint from exhaustion."
“Thank you, Veritas, now I’ll clean everything up and we’ll go...”
Just as you reached for the mess on the table, Veritas stopped your hand, gently grabbing your wrist, and looked at you sternly.
"I'm pretty sure it can wait until tomorrow."
"But..."
With his free hand, Veritas lifted your chin while the other rested on your waist.
"No "but", we're going to the room now and you won't get out of bed until the next morning."
Ratio said, draw out each word. A deep blush filled your cheeks, for the first time Veritas looked so...needy, and he also seemed surprised by his own words.
Veritas let go of you almost immediately and turned away, trying to hide his red face, but you prevented him by grabbing both of his hands.
“It seems like I never thanked you for your help, does it?”
Your soft hands came to rest on his face, pulling him closer to place a light but passionate kiss on his lips. And Veritas wasted no time in deepening the kiss, leaning into your soothing touch.
If you always thank him like that, then he is ready to fill out thousands of such reports.
You soon broke contact and a few more quick kisses landed on his cheeks, forehead and nose, causing him to protest, but despite the outward hostility, Veritas clearly wanted more, and you were going to give it to him.
#hsr x reader#dr ratio x reader#dr ratio#female reader#hsr#dr ratio fluff#honkai star rail#honkai star rail x reader
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at this point the good news is still bad news. it was just news you were expecting
#the infectous disease doctor thinks they know what it is now#makes a lot of sense#but treatment is going to be very unfun#because its already proven itself as antibiotic resistant#im just so tired and very scared#i hate that im basically doing this alone too#my parents help me financially with getting treatment for the most part#but they have never been comforters#and everytime i try to talk about how im feeling physically or emotionally#they just shut down#mom gets downright mean and nasty#shes always been like that so its no surprise#she worries of course because she loves me#but her worry has always come out as anger#and ever since i was a kid i was the first person to really face her anger#and dad#well his response is to just focus on other things#ignore the issues#and that might be easy for him#but im the one who feels like they been slowly decaying for the past two years#with doctors and nurses either not caring enough to try and find an answer#or simply lacking the knowledge to find a cause#couple that with insurance that wont even cover a simple chest CT#or my inhaler#(which i was denied for 8 time this year)#and a pandemic that makes people afraid of those who are in any way ill#and you have a recipe for a very isolating experience#i havent spoken with friends in a very long time#i want to reach out but i feel guilty for it#i dont want to pop back in their lives while im so sick because im afraid theyd only stick around because they feel bad and i hate it
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mmmmm heyyy👁️. ive basically been gone from tumblr for over two days because ive been feeling like a shitty piece of shit. BUT. i finally saw dune part 2 and ohmygoddddd it was so so good. but yes. i was missing leto so bad the entire time. Father come back pls. i need you.
#it was so good tho#like so cool i was internally freaking out about how cool things looked#the fight scenes🤌#the environments/settings🤌#all of the fuckin machinery🤌#the acting🤌#the everything🤌#yum#also i dont find austin butler attractive but funnily enough feyd was the only time ive found him hot😭 yes i have issues. but like. okayyy..#i watched it alone and i wish doing things alone wasnt seen as such a weird or sad thing like. theres nothing wrong with it#sorta vent->#but basically ive been feeling like an annoying piece of shit so ive been staying off of here for the most part#because ive been convincing myself no one likes me and everyone in my life would be better off without me😝😝#just tee bee ehch#and idk i was just feeling like ass and was doing nothing and when i finally would go to use tumblr i was already too tired to do shit#so i just went to sleep#and i was busy today#yesterday*#and ill probably be a bit busy today too but idk maybe hopefully ill catch up a bit#idk ya boys just been hating himself like usual but not as usual bc it was worse but it is what it is#i felt a bit better yesterday though#and also my new antidepressants ive been on havent been doing shit for me so im going back to a previous one i used to be on so yea#hopefully that helps soonish idk#i never vent on here so i feel kinda bad for doing so but i just wanted to puke my thoughts here#also since im already here complaining ive just like. not written at allllllll basically like i got into my head and made myself discouraged#so. that sucks. but also nothing out of the ordinary there#why does Everything i say sound so embarrassingly depressing and pathetic hhhhhhhgggggggggggggghhhghghg#anyways yea i was doing bad im still not doing good but hopefully will be a bit better so ill be back and caught up later today or tomorrow#idk if anyone gave a fuck or noticed but i just like complaining into the void so yea#talkin shit
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i dont know how other ppl are such haters all the time i so much as consider dwelling on minor gripes with an experience and feel so exhausted i have to sleep for six days
#rain speaking!#i know that on tumblr constant criticism and litigation of the various flaws in whatever is like. the way 2 prove ur media chops#vs just liking something/acknowledging flaws but not dwelling on them is basic and a sign of lacking media literacy#but like man. i talk about my gripes with the media i like once a month and im like god that was EXHAUSTING#let alone ppl i see who are like And Heres The List Of Things I Hate Today three times a day#I DUNNO. IM TOO OLD FOR THIS I JUST WANNA HAVE SOME FUN#why do i need to convince myself a thing i enjoy is bad actually#someones gonna put this in a call.out post so obviously this isnt abt like. Racism. Transphobia. Etc.#this is abt writing choices or whatever
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im still so tired mang like fuck. fuckkkk
#i dont have anyone in my life who gets it like no one i know is trapped like i am it seems#i just want to know how to fix it all and myself yk#more than that though i just wish i had someonewho could stomach fighting this by my side. i genuinely dont think i can do it alone#like i feel like im slowly drowning in mud#and everyone wants to stand at the edge and cheer for me for a bit but like i dont need that#i need a hand#or 10#but no one wants to get themselves all muddy and it's generally frowned upon to ask anyone to get themself all muddy#and it's also frowned upon to freak out at the people cheering and i dont even want to do that like.#i dont hate the cheerers. I dont want ppl to feel bad. when im slightly better i appreciate it for what it is.#but it just. really emphasizes that feeling of untouchableness ig. and sometimes i feel like a show#ik it's just like. i wasn't properly socialized as a child and i dont know how to experience gratitude or how to place value on the words#and platitudes that seem to really help other people feel better#but like the second i think about it it's like yea i can do a lot of things to make myself FEEL better. for like a second or two#but nothing fundamentally changes in my life so what is that even worth?? genuinely? and for what it costs is it even a fair trade?#idk what im trying to say but basically. if you've offered verbal support to me-- thank you. and im sorry it doesn't have the desired effec#i too wish i wasn't like this. i too wish my problems started and ended in my own feelings.#kindness is kindness and it should be appreciated as such. pls dont let my mental breakdown convince you otherwise#just know that this is me keeping a lid on it and not getting myself another involuntary hold
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sorry for being such a hater but fr would it fucking kill the hades devs to make their buff women ACTUALLY beefy. what are we doing to our beautiful queens 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#i know i said this earlier but with every new gifset another part of me dies 💔#theres so much diversity in the male gods and then the women are either like. dainty waif or muscular but still skinny 💀#i cant do this anymore..... please........#if u know me u know my eternal beef with hades but listen i genuinely do rly love the artstyle and the gameplay had sooo much potential#like i was tentatively looking forward to hades 2 bc maybe theyd fix some of the problems i had w the first one....#but it looks like theyve made it worse. just SUCH a shame bc the art is so gorgeous why have they completely forsaken basic anatomy#sigh. hate feeling so alone in this too like i already know the games gonna blow up all over the dash with ppl thirsting when it comes out#im sure itll still look cool but i dont think i can take 5 million posts abt whoevers gonna be white twink of the day number 79263#may have to block the tag. saaad 😔#.diaries
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Am I nauseous because I'm hungry or because I triggered myself last night
#my stomach hurts and i need to eat but the idea of doing that is. ack#and i cant tell my parents why because id have to unpack so much spontaneously#like id have to explain i was on the internet before they let me make an account and that i didnt tell them when i was getting those dms#and how its basically ruined any neutrality i had towards sex because ill be fine and then BAM!#everyone else is 12 year old me and im an adult and im my abuser and im going to hurt them if i keep talking about this#just because it was only words doesnt mean it fucked everything up forever. i know back then i was aroace but didnt have the words#but i sincerely think id be just sex neutral if it wasnt for that fucking asshole and now i think about sex for too long and get sick#and i didnt say anything because i thought they were my friend and i dont know if they were 11 like they said they were or not either way#its just. im getting so much off my chest here i wish i could go back in time and tell myself to block after that first message#and i didnt say anything after i realized because i wasnt allowed to have social media and i didnt want to get in trouble over that part#fantasizing alone is one thing but as soon as someone else is involved theyre me and im that person on da and i hate it. i hate it i hate it#i hate it i hate it#is that a common thing. where you feel like youre the abuser in certain contexts even if youre nothing like them#whatever. i have physical therapy and then ask a prof if i can use him as a reference and then finish my application if he gets back to me#and then i can rot all i want#sky vents like amogus
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:^(
#feelin like a big lonely loser tonight teehe ^__^#thought maybe i had plans but then not n everyone else i asked didnt answer or had plans w other ppl too#n i had suggested a plans with stef but she never rlly confirmed or denied but i figured not plus im kinda sick now too but#also called her just to be like hi n i miss u bc idk im SICK n i hate being sick n the way she sounded was weird AaagghGGHHHHH#n im just now realizing maybe she also ended up doing plans w other ppl#just feels like nobody likes me i GUESS which is dramatic but . aagggghhghgh#to be fair a bit of a 180 from i love u so much lemme say it 50 times last night to i call her n say ilu n shes like uhh ok haha#anD I FEEL LIKE EVERYONES GIVING ME RLLY SHORT ANSWERS N LIKE#but i dont know if i have the energy to give a lot of. energy. ?? to expect it back? but its like#an endless cycle of feel bad so less energy or want to bug less so then deserve less in return anyway so feel worse#its kinda feeling like isolation time which i havent done in a hot minute but i tried so hard to get out of it but like . for what yknow#i got to talk to some ppl some more n meet some ppl but at the end of the day i still feel alone n alien teehee#but maybe im just bejng dramatic bc sick. and rsd with the Tones and ppl having Plans With Others#like its perfectly reasonable to have forgotten or just idk had better options or maybe bc i didnt say anything sooner buT . IDK. 😔🥺#im sick n i hate being sick n i want someone to take care of me ugh#instead i just kinda sat here. played some OW. got mad at OW. ordered pizza to engage in basically food self harm LOL n watched some#of a show ive been meanjng to watch. jts neat so far. but yeah now i just feel like shit i guess#idk how to like. not be insane. or like. ask ppl for like. idk. reassurance or smthn or. share feelings. without feeling like i am.... bad#for doing so or itll end poorly or its excess or burdensome or unreasonable. bc it kkinda is unreasonable but idk not entirely ig yknow#and i really need to shower but i especially dont want to now that i ate food bc id rather die than look at myself naked but yea#YEAH. IDK. i feel. like shit. and garbage. and i can almost see this as being the turning point to me sabotaging my ownnpotential future#whatever ive been slowly building that i just. end up giving up now.#god i wanna call stef or pidge or someone n... ig not even talk abt this bc i dont wanna be a bother but. just hear ppl. u_u#feel like i am wanted in the world slepflsjhggbjwjr#It's My Blog I'll Use It As A Diary / Thought Organizing Thing If I Want To !!!!
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i feel rly irredeemably horrible rn...longing for emotional support....anyway vent in tags
#physically i feel so ill etc . and i have to catch up on so much#and i just got a grade back for an assignment and it wasnt a 1st and literally almost . cried bc#it rly was supposed 2 be. i dont have my housing sorted out for next yr and i am rly worried#i look hideous rn bc my face is rly swollen and it was a fat transfer so u dont get to see results for like#6 months but mostly the swelling should settle in like a month but that means i will just look#kind of monsterous for a while. i cant do archery anymore bc it involves heavy weights ig which im supposed to not do#and its like as soon as i find smth i like it is taken away...i feel . like shit. etc. and according to the clinic it is Not Normal to be#so weak. have to get lasik in a few days while still recovering from transfer + nose surgery so i literally#feel like my body is going to give out but also idk if i will find time to catch up on stuff etc i feel likr my brain is rotting#i basically have no support system rn except my gf bc my friends are all so busy w their own stuff#which is also v bad. like i cannot rely on her as my sole source of emotional support#feels like academics etc have taken a backseat this yr so far and that is Horrible like i need that to not be the case#but im too nauseous and weak etc to sit up for prolonged periods of time taking notes#taking 7 antibiotics a day etc..idk . i have to travel 6hrs#tmrw then have lasik on monday then travel back 6hrs the same afternoon or tuesday morning#like i legit already feel like my body is giving out idk how i will do this. and i feel so incredibly alone throughout#all of this . idk.#genuinely i am turning into a black hole and if things get bad again i will lose it . i hate this feeling i hate the#marked loneliness that comes b4 things spiral downwards and this feels like it#that was a lot ✌️ anyway if any1 has any advice or words to share or anytjing to say ever pls do#i need human interaction soooo badly#personal
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Lmao so all of us floor workers are getting shuffled around in an effort to actually make us productive/see how hard we are actually working (which really means: the people who actually work are making their areas decent and we want other areas decent. Don't matter that those previous areas will be bad now. Nope not at all)
And people are SO MAD
But 😏 guess who is the one person who doesn't have to change lmaooo 🥰 meeeee
And he wants the clothing folded a specific way now and everyone is like this is so stupid I don't get it!! And I'm like "oh that? You mean what I've been doing for the past two months? The thing that my coworkers cannot figure out how to replicate and will 'fix' thinking a customer did it? That? Hahaaaaa bitch yesssss"
And [RC] had told BratBoy that with these changes he just can't piss me off bc she has to deal with that and he was like "so um I was SPECIFICALLY told by [relative coworker] to not make you mad... bc you'll get really angry... so I don't wanna get yelled at 😬... by any of you!!! 😟"
Agsgdgdg like he is already at least a little afraid of me bc I've gotten "mad" and bitched ab NewLady and it's like hahahaha bitch you haven't seen me mad. You've seen me irritated. Me being actually mad is worse. :)
Anyway irritating but not upsetting bc we "unofficially officially" have sections now and he's like "nothing will change for you it's fine" sgdgdggd
#basically the fold is tuck it an extra fold so that it evens the stack and idk why it's so hard for people to get bc i figured it out on#my own sgdggdgd like just dicking around one day#i wanna joke so bad that the reason GoodManager is overseas is bc of me like i got mad or something#and hes too afraid to come back sgdggdgdgdgd but i feel like BratBoy wouldnt get its a joke#and think something happened and its like no but he IS a little weasel so it would track sgdgdggdgd#marquilla#work talk#anyways im tired and just glad that my shit wont change bc i was literally praying ab that shit sgdgdggdgdgd#like gods like yeah yeah i heard ya shoo#anyway the lady team lead is in charge of us and NetflixCoworker is SO pissed at everything but especially that sgdggdg#she went WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!? and he looked so scared like 😟 i-i dont???#he's gonna learn fast to not fuck with the clothing ladies lmaoo theres a reason most managers left us alone
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BOOM! KITTY CAT! he do the monch!
i hope you’re alright from that anon, i personally would’ve had a lot of anxiety over it so kitty :) his name is dorian and he do the bite frequently
BEAUTIFUL. I WOULD GIVE MY LIFE FOR DORIAN
And yeah I'm doing pretty good! I've been online for long enough that I think I handled the situation fairly well. If they do end up coming off of anon, I don't want anyone sending them hate or w/e - I want to give them the benefit of the doubt, you know?
I mean, I didn't even know that comments like that were inappropriate until someone else explained it to me; it's sheer luck that I've never been on the other end of this interaction.
#also i cannot believe i wasn't following u yet? like wtf? anyways that's fixed now#also also i know i said id name your character but life has been absolutely off the shits lately so like. idk when im gonna get to it#the post is saved in my drafts to remind me to do it! i still want to do it! i just. ¯\_(😅)_/¯#also may you never have to deal with anons that give you anxiety#i wish that for u#but yeah im basically desensitized to anon weirdness by now. i've gotten told to. well. you know.#i've gotten fatphobic nonsense#i've gotten transphobic nonsense#i've been told that i talk too much about being an exmo and had it implied that that's why mormons wont leave me alone#which like. ??? where is the correlation lmao#but yeah i just laugh bc like. fr u got a limited time on this planet and ur so vexed by my very existence#that u spent actual real time putting together hate to send my way? my brother in christ (gn) your life is not forever!#hypothetical u which is referring to anons that send anon hate btw. not. you know. you dkgljksdgj#but that anon was just a little awkward yknow? i don't think they were being malicious i think they were trying to have fun#and i had to stop and tell them 'hey im not upset but this could upset other people please course correct for their sake'#nbd really#the only concerning bit now is their silence like. ??? if they wanted to flirt with me mission accomplished#just. you know. they need to not do it on anon bc i need to know that they're not a minor#it's a basic safety thing#if they were trying to make me uncomfortable then like. that's the least effective way to go about it so that wouldn't make sense#my dms are open? they could litcherally just message me?#i just. im so confused. what was the point.#did i embarrass them? are they worried that they're going to get hated on for what they sent? are they stalking my blog to find info?#were they in fact a minor and didn't realize im 20? or they did and just didn't care until i made it their problem?#flirty anon if ur still watching my blog u can just message me? im not mad at u?#?????#¯\_(ツ)_/¯ regardless. i appreciate this very much!#byrd chirps
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im only bearable when im drunk. its only bearable when im not sober
#how do other people do this genuinely asking#why is it so much easier to exist that way. why cant i be the person i am at parties and clubs#where is the switch in my brain. where is it#because it all feels so inpersonal. a performance. an act. and i hate it im tired#i dont want to be alone so im putting in the effort and i am genuinely making connections#but its not enough. this isnt enough to me#i left school today and i nearly cried and went doom spiraling again#and nothing BAD happened#maybe subconsciously im comparing myself too much to others. like oh this guy is way ahead of me already so ive basically lost at this point#oh im not in everyones dms in class that means they hate my guts and they think im weird#its exhausting to live this way. it is exhausting to live with a brain that is so allergic to changing. that is SO against me all the time.#nothing bad happened. why do i want to die anyway. what did i do. why is it never enough to me. why am i never enougu#i wont. get into substance abuse i promised that#but i cant lie when i say it makes me miserable that seemingly i dont even feel like a person without it#i iust dont know. i dont like being myself.#i am too tired too bitter to mean too avoidant too emotionless too uncaring#can i be anyone else. someone whos in love with the world and they dont have to try to love it#whatever#do i just have autism. or bpd. or am i actually just inexplicably broken forever in ways ill never know#is this normal. am i normal and i just cant handle it like everyone else can#or is there something that describes me. or am i forced to live feeling like this forever and just pretend its not there#i dont know which id hate more#i just want to stop feeling alone in it. i want to help myself more than anything#and not give in to self destruction. its just been really really hard lately#vent
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i actually really did fuck myself for realsies. i am truly starting from the bottom of the abyss. this is where i can make the choice to continue letting it unravel and get even worse or i could try to build up again. neither sounds attractive. i'm paralyzed by so much anxiety in my body and mind and i can't make any decisions for myself. i can't believe i fell back down to this point again. i start classes so soon, if i can afford it. so much of my future is so uncertain. my health is in shambles but how much of it really is attributed to my mental illness (likely a good portion of it). i really did isolate myself so much from others that i have strengthened absolutely none of my connections and instead have either strained or completely damaged them. i have no one close to me anymore that i am able to go to because i abused the empathy. i completely fucked it. what i really want is a hug and to have a friend stay the night with me so i feel less alone but i lost that privilege. this whole summer has been horrible, nothing like i anticipated. and i really really don't know what to do from here.
#my anxiety is bad i am physically unwell from it i am unable to eat or have any trust in anything or anyone and i do not sleep#i also can't talk to a friend about it because well... there's no one now who is able to listen and thats fine i guess i should have known#i haven't done laundry or cleaned my room in a long time i am running out of money i cry so much for so long#i am looking forward to nothing i can't even make myself emotionally available for a girl who is actually interested in me#she met me at the worst time#i can't remember the days im forgetting to take my medication and refill it and go to appointments and be responsible#i am dissociating again my hands are going numb i am getting migraines i ache all over i have no interest in sex i have no hope no trust#i wish i was better than this i wish i could be better i wish i had help i wish i could stop ruining everything#i wish my body stopped hurting i wish i was happy i have not been happy in so long i don't even hate my life#i basically have no life now i fucking burned everything and i really truly am alone in it now and i am so afraid#i really don't know if i can get better and help myself theres so many baby steps to do#the last 72 hours have been intense too intense way too much
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#vent post lol ////////////#i NEED to quit my job its destroying my mental health my emotional stability amd its genuinely putting a lot of strain on my relationship#but. i make like 2k aud a week. and im not paying any rent or bills so most of that goes straight into savings#we're saving for a house we only have tp get through another year anyway and then our visas run out#and if we get through it we'll be able to put a massive downpayment on a house and have a really small mortgage and basically be#chill financially for the rest of our lives. (i hope). but we have to get through it first#idk idk idk like is it actually worth it? yes obviously its worth it we're gonna be able to buy a house#but is it worth it?#it genuinely might not be#but idek what we'll do for a living when we move to europe and idek if i want to live in the country we're planning to move to#so i should have as much money behind me as possible when i get to that point to make it easier#but its destroying me. i hate it i hate it i hate it#i work 10-12hr days 5-6 days a week. outdoors. manual labour#and the main reason we save so much is bc we choose to live year round in the onsite accomodation they have for seasonal workers#most ppl stay onsite a bit but have homes in the area they go back to at the weekend or if they arent working too far away#amd we move sites a lot so we only stay places for a couple months tops#its alright rn bc we're staying at a site we really like that does feel like home (even tho the accom is just as shitty and industrial as#the rest) (well not quite as shitty as some but still . shitty) and we're here alone just me and my fiance#but next week other ppl are gonna come stay here and we'll probably be sharing the hut with 1 of them. our best guess is itll be#this one dude who is like . nice and all but hes like 65 years old. and i dont want to share a house with anyone apart from my fiance#especially not a man!!!!! but this is the price to pay for no rent#no privacy no personal space no putting down roots no sense of home no sense of community. no decorating my fucking house#idfk what to do.#delete later
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let's show the world ꨄ carlos sainz smau
carlos sainz x wife!reader
warnings: hateful/mean comments, cyberbullying
in which carlos has to make it clear to the world how much his wife means to him, and how strangers on the internet know nothing about them or their relationship.
f1drivernews
liked by username, username, username, and 11,209 others
tagged carlossainz55 and yourusername
f1drivernews it appears ferrari driver carlossainz55 and wife yourusername spent the summer break in style, rumours have it that the resort they stayed in ibiza was almost €7500 per person a night. sainz and his wife have been notorious for staying in extravagant hotels and resorts during both summer and winter breaks. the lifestyles of the rich and famous continues!
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username oh the things i would do to be a millionaire
username just be like yourusername and bag yourself a rich husband, constant flow of money lol
username that's a polite way of saying just be a gold-digger and you'll be set babes
username lol the fact b4 he met her carlos used to spend breaks with his fam and friends??? has no one told him how much of a red flag this is???
username girl since when is a driver spending their break with their WIFE a red flag???
username €7500 PER PERSON???? aint no way that was carlos' idea lol what a joke
username i'd be so embarrassed to be yourusername like what does girlypop even do??? other than mooch off her husband ofc
username she's actually very successful in her own line of work? not sure what you're alluding to but yeah
username she could be the top 10% of whatever she does and still not be as successful as carlos, hop off hunni
username guess f1drivernews was too nice to post the hideous closeups of yourusername... girly's not looking too great nowadays poor carlos
carlossainz55 has posted a story
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landonorris your mrs told me she got a hole in one, how's it feel to suck carlos
yourusername 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
username bet you paid out of your ass for her for this round of golf too smh
username embarrizzing sorrrrryyy carlos
yourusername has posted a story
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carlossainz55 thank you for dinner amor, you spoil me as always
username girl delete this rn this is so embarrassing
username loool ur not fooling anyone sweetie
username red nails for a golddigger? typical babes
yourusername
liked by carlossainz55, landonorris, scuderiaferrari, and 2,343 others
tagged carlossainz55
yourusername i'm amazed by you every single day, even more when you come back to our room stinking of champagne 💗
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landonorris no special post for me?? you told me i was ur son the other day and this is the treatment i get ? emancipation right now
landonorris before you say it, i know that's a big word for elmo. thanks.
alexandrasaintmleux im still obsessed with that jacket 🫶🏻
username you looked so pretty this weekend! carlos is so lucky
carlossainz55 always more special when we're both coming back smelling like champagne hermosa
username i think its like so childish u deleted 75% of ur followers like u wanna be in the public eye but dont want what comes with it??? weird but alright
username im so over you honestly carlos deserves better
username ur acc the worst wag like yikes
f1gossip
liked by username, username, username and 75,903 others
tagged carlossainz55
f1gossip the streets are saying carlos was in suzuka alone this week, his wife of two years yourusername reportedly took a flight home instead of following her husband along to suzuka after the singapore win... trouble in paradise? 👀👀
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username omg it's happening
username FINALLY GOOD RIDDANCE
username my man is back on the market!!!!! time for someone prettier, hotter, better, basically anyone opposite of his wife lol byeeeee
username ur all insane, she has her own job??? she can't follow her husband to every end of the earth
username waiting for the ig stories 'we've decided to split amicably, please allow us privacy'
username LOOOL i bet it's gonna say that word for word!!!! not like we'll see hers tho cause she locked us all out
username this acc made my day ahhhhhhhh
yourusername has posted a story
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replies
carlossainz55 amor what's wrong??
yourusername i just dont understand why people have to be so mean.
landonorris carlando to the rescue dont worry y/n
carlossainz55
liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, landonorris, and 1,399,402 others
tagged yourusername
carlossainz55 this last week has been extra special for me, to know it is the anniversary of the first time i met my best friend, and that she was able to be with me when i lifted the trophy in singapore is a wonderful feeling.
but to see all the ignorant, unkind, and hurtful comments that are regularly directed at my wife has put a negative twirl on this time. my wife, to me, is the most beautiful woman in the world. she is kind, and loving, and has given up the world for me time and time again. no one knows our relationship more than her and i. many of you speak things that are so ignorant and false it is disgusting. if you are one of these people, please know, you are not a fan i find myself caring for.
i beg those who continue to speak poorly of my wife, to think about how your actions can harm others. thank you. and to yourusername, you are the most important light in my life. i cant wait to see you amor.
comments on this post have been limited
landonorris 🧡🧡
charles_leclerc be kind always!
yourusername te amo, always and forever.
carlossainz55 has posted a story
liked by yourusername, landonorris, username, and 55,399 others
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yourusername i didnt even see you take that photo... ur so cute ily
landonorris tell her i got 50 of the flowers for her
username omg i love that book!!!! y/n has great taste what a queen
username i would die to be ur wife, but i would also die to be y/n's wife so lol
ahhhh this is the smau part 2 i promised to my last carlos written story! thank you to the lovely person who requested it, i hope it's what you wanted! please let me know what you think, i hope you all loved it 💗
taglist
@leclercdream @myescapefromthislife @princessria127 @iloveyou3000morgan @love4lando @asfaraslifegets @decseptapril @somanyfandomsbruh @fangirl125reader @imagandom @motorsp0rt @jspitwall @sarahedwards16 @glitterf1 @christianpulisic10 @carlandonorri-s @smoothopz @eugene-emt-roe @epitios @ihrtdan @myloverjk-blog @glow-ish @goldenmclaren @mercunty
if your name is bolded/striked tumblr wont allow me to tag you! ive tried multiple things, but it's unfortunately giving me a very hard time with a few people. im so sorry! please let me know if you'd like to be added to the list!!
#carlos sainz#carlos sainz x reader#carlos sainz x you#f1 x reader#f1 x you#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 x you#f1 smau#carlos sainz smau#carlos sainz imagine#f1 imagine#f1 fanfic#f1#formula 1
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#why is it when i get like 10k in to a fic#i regret writing it at all#is feeling this inadequate as a writer in the pedro fandom a normal thing#or is it having no friends on here and basically tossing my work out into a void#when i know everyone else is just passing it by beacuse im not good enough#like idk no one i know is ever interested in what i enjoy#so i am so alone and silent about my writing and it just hits at the worst points#always feeling like im writing joel wrong#worried i have too much of my own plot and not enough pairing fluff#i like entwining mysteries into them that the audience has to slowly piece together and idk if ppl fucking hate when i do it#is it just badly written or boring#idk#sometimes people irl tell me#'oh you have such a unique sense of humour and comedic charisma you should do something with that'#but writing is what i fell in love with#but now adays im constantly filled with anxiety of not being good enough and maybe i should just#idk delete my stories and stop writing#sorry for the rant its 1am and i dont see my psychiatrist until next week and i dont have the money to pay for my med#so my disgusting gross ass selfish thoughts about posting my fics on here just keep spilling out
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