#i have 2 interviews coming up (one on sunday; one the friday after next); i got rejected for one job & i have to follow up with 3 more

[fingertipsmp3]

Well lads. I’m 27 now

[ladykailitha]

Not All That Glitters is Gold Part 12

Well, this story is complete. I finished it on Friday and will be fully uploaded in two weeks. With chapters 14/15 next week on the 31st and 16/17 on April 7th.

This has been one hell of a ride. I never thought I would ever do omegaverse. But this one just demanded to be written.

TAG LIST FOR THIS STORY IS CLOSED

Eddie takes Steve shopping and they go the Grammy's.

Pt 1 Pt 2 Pt 3 Pt 4 Pt 5 Pt 6 Pt 7 Pt 8 Pt 9 Pt 10 Pt 11

@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @redfreckledwolf @emly03 @itsall-taken

****

Steve loved shopping. It was his favorite thing in the world. He especially loved it when he went with Chrissy or Robin or sometimes even both. But he was finding out that shopping with Eddie was special.

“I’m going to rock your world, sweetheart,” Eddie murmured when they entered the shop.

It was all high end, naturally. But it was the type of stuff Steve would have bought for himself back in high school.

“Eddie...” he whined a little.

It was sweet, it really was. But he couldn’t wear the ‘uniform’ of a omega housewife. Not anymore.

“Just wait, darlin’,” Eddie whispered, “it’s gonna be good.”

Just then a man came over. He was short, barely 5’5”. He had warm brown skin and silver hair.

“Hello, loves,” he said, voice as warm as his skin tone. His accent was the vaguely British of someone who had lived in the United States for a long time.

“Hello,” Eddie greeted, kissing him on each cheek. “Steve, this is Raj. Raj, this is Steve Harrington, he’s a Starcourt omega.”

Raj clasped his hands together. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Steve.”

Eddie turned to Steve. “Raj is a professional stylist. He’s dressed me for many an event and he’s going to help you find your style.”

Steve smiled at him. Because of course Eddie was only trying to help and not make him feel inferior about liking a style that he couldn’t wear.

“Come on, love,” Raj said, “tell me what you like.”

And so Steve did just that.

They spent the afternoon trying on several different combinations and styles that Steve felt like he was a runway model to the crowd of one.

Eddie sat on a big, white, overstuffed armchair and made comments on everything Steve tried on.

Three hours later, Steve was walking out of the store in a navy blue striped polo and tight fitted jeans and several bags filled with clothes of a similar style.

Steve laughed when he exited the shop, twirling around with his bags. Just so happy.

Xander took the bags from Steve and put them in the trunk of the car to keep the bags from going flying.

Eddie pulled him in for a kiss.

“God, you are so gorgeous when you’re happy,” he murmured into Steve’s neck.

Steve hummed. “Well, it’s a good thing that the thing that makes me happiest is you, huh?”

Eddie looked up at him with a tender smile. “Back attcha, big boy.”

Steve wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him deeply.

“Will I get to see you before the Grammy’s on Sunday?” he asked, softly.

Eddie sighed. “Unfortunately not. I have so many interviews and shit that I just won’t have time.”

“That’s okay. I still have other work I’ve got scheduled this week.”

Eddie kissed him deeply. “You have fun, babe and I’ll see you on Sunday.”

“Bye.”

Eddie watched as the car pulled away from the curb. He had gotten to meet both Robin and Xander, the two people tasked with keeping Steve safe and he found that he loved them both.

And that fact settled one of the worries in his chest about Steve, knowing that his boy was being looked after properly when he wasn’t around.

****

“Troy’s coming,” Robin said, “I’m not asking, I’m telling you.”

Steve glared at her. “He’s creepy.”

“He’s really not,” she defended. “He’s very protective of the omegas in his care and I need a second pair of eyes on you tonight.”

“I don’t see why,” Steve said rolling his eyes. “I’ve done hundreds of events with only one handler in the past. What makes tonight so special?”

“The press.”

Steve huffed. “I literally when to an event for the press with Nancy, how is this any different?”

“Because these aren’t the civilized press, Steve,” Robin said menacingly. “These are the vultures. The bottom of the barrel. Sleazy, gasping, horrible people who will judge you, seek to tear you down, and humiliate you.”

Steve let out a long sigh. “Fine.”

“Thank you.” She kissed his cheek. “Eddie has his own security, but they’ve been coordinating with Troy and me all week. What’s your signal for needing to get out quick?”

“Moving my clutch from my left hand to my right,” he said.

She nodded. That was a good signal. Steve liked his right hand free to shake hands with people.

“What’s your signal if you need to get away from the alpha?” she asked next.

“I take out my earrings,” he dutifully replied.

Again, not something Steve would normally do, so she nodded.

“The code word to get both of you away from someone who is harassing one or both of you is ‘caveat’.”

“As in ‘one of the caveats for dating an escort is to be understanding when something work related comes up’?”

Robin grinned. “Perfect. All right, we’re good to go.”

Steve grabbed his black clutch and matching shawl. It was February in California, but it was still February.

He draped the shawl over his shoulders and walked out to the car.

Troy and Robin got into a white SUV with Troy at the wheel.

Steve slid into his car to find a waiting Eddie.

“Well this is a surprise,” he cooed, sliding up to press himself against his boyfriend’s side.

Eddie chuckled, lifting his arm to wrap around his shoulders. “Benefits of properly courting you, darlin’. Management is letting me know where you live. Ish.”

“Ish?” Steve asked, scenting along Eddie’s jaw.

“Yeah,” he murmured. “The windows were tinted so I don’t know exactly where we are, but I know enough.”

“Ah.”

Yeah, that made sense.

“You look so pretty, baby,” Eddie said, changing the topic. “You look good enough to eat.”

Steve chuckled. “So do you.”

And he did. He was wearing a black suit coat with black rhinestones embroidered into the lapels, with a white button up shirt that decidedly not, tucked into a pair of black slacks. On his neck were several necklaces and chains and his wrists were covered in bangles and more chains.

He had a single earring in his left ear which was an upside down cross.

Steve was enraptured.

“This is all for you, baby doll,” Eddie murmured into Steve’s ear. “I rarely dress up for these things, but I wanted to look good for you.” His hand reached around to cup Steve’s ass. “Especially with you looking like sex on legs in that short dress.”

Steve chuckled. “You keep this up and we’re going end up torturing poor Xander’s ears by having sex back here.”

Eddie’s eyes blew wide. “Shit Stevie, if we didn’t have to be there at a specific time, I would absolutely hold you to that.” And he pulled Steve even closer to him so that the omega could feel the reaction to his words.

Steve couldn’t stop himself from scenting Eddie again.

“Did I tell you that thing the attracted me to you second to you being the sweetest thing,” he murmured, “was your scent?”

Eddie licked his lips. “Right back ya. Together we smell of Christmas.”

Steve giggled. “A little bit, yeah.”

Xander caught Steve’s eye in the rearview mirror and raised his eyebrow causing the omega to blush, ducking his head shyly.

Xander knew something that Robin didn’t as she couldn’t be in the car with him for things like this.

Despite a Starcourt escorts’ reputation for being sex pots, sex wasn’t allowed in the back of the car. Mainly because of the driver, but also because what they did was meant to be higher than just make outs in the back of a car.

It wasn’t a rule, like not giving out their personal number was a rule, but it was a guideline that Steve had adhered to almost religiously. So for him to even suggest jumping Eddie was completely out of character for him.

Eddie raised Steve’s head gently with his forefinger. “You look so pretty when you blush, baby, but there is nothing going on here that you need to be ashamed of, okay?”

Steve nodded.

Just then the car rolled to a stop, signaling that they had arrived at the red carpet.

Behind them Troy and Robin stepped out with Eddie’s two security members. All of them dressed in black suits and ties with pristine white button up shirts.

All of them pulled out their sunglasses and slid them on. Troy walked up to the door and opened it.

Eddie slid out first, waving to the crowd. Then he turned around and helped Steve get out of the car. Steve waved, too, then slipped his hand around Eddie’s arm.

“The first interview is with Vanity Fair, Kayla Brosnahan,” Troy murmured to them. “She’s very fashion orientated so she’ll ask about your clothes first.”

Steve nodded. He glanced at Eddie, who nodded.

They walked up to the beautiful alpha reporter in a long, slinky, red dress.

“Kayla, Vanity Fair,” she said to the cameraman, “here with Eddie Munson, frontman of Corroded Coffin who is up for three awards tonight, and Starcourt escort, Steve Harrington.”

She turned to them. “Wow! You two look absolutely stunning together. Who designed your clothes tonight?”

Steve smiled. “Omega designer, Lola Martinez and the jewelry is by St Giovanni.”

“Wow,” she breathed. “Those are some pretty big names. And how about you, Eddie? Who are you wearing tonight?”

“Jimmy Pantera.”

Jimmy was a known alternative style fashion designer. Chains, leather, denim, studs; basically the metal and grunge scene. What Eddie as wearing would have been very conservative for his collection.

“Very nice,” Kayla said. “I can see it now. Wow.” She turned to Steve. “Have you had any clients cancel on you because you’re being courted?”

Eddie bristled and was about to lay into her when Steve touched his elbow.

Steve batted his eyelashes with a simpering pout. “Oh, Kayla, you know all client information is confidential.” Kayla opened her mouth to say something snide, but Steve beat her to it. “Plus, I don’t kiss and tell. Not like a certain omega who’s been warming your bed.”

Suddenly she was sputtering and back tracking. “Eddie, you’re up for three awards tonight, what are your hopes for tonight?”

“Corroded Coffin and I are very happy to have been nominated for Best Metal Album, Album of the Year, and Single of the Year for ‘Hell’s Lookin’ Better Than Heaven’, but we were disappointed we weren’t nominated for more. Best Metal Performance is a prime example. Even though we made more money then any other touring band last year, we weren’t even considered.”

Again Kayla was forced to back track and try to start over but they had chosen that moment to move on. Kayla turned to her camera and made a slicing motion across her throat to tell him to stop taping.

All the interviews kept in the same vein. They would be chatty, ask about what they were wearing or who they were most excited to see perform and then drop shit like:

“Are you going to make Steve stop escorting once finish your courtship?”

To which Eddie replied, “I’m not so fragile that I need constant validation that my dick is big enough. Stevie is his own person and if he wants to keep working, why would I stop him?”

Followed by back pedaling and Steve and Eddie moving on.

Next asshole:

“Steve, are you angling for a bond to get out of being an escort?”

Steve and Eddie just blinked at him like he was too stupid for words. They just walked off.

Once Troy just moved them past an interviewer calling their name.

Steve looked down and a little behind him. “What was wrong with that one?”

“He’s been sexually harassing omegas that come through,” Troy muttered back. “Making lewd comments, making passes at them, touching them without their consent.”

Steve nodded and Eddie put a protective hand on his lower back. They made it through the gauntlet and into the Radio Music Hall.

They sat down at the table that already had the rest of the band and their plus ones and settled into enjoy the show.

****

Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17

Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369

​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @chaoticlovingdreamer @messrs-weasley @goodolefashionedloverboi

@val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

@justforthedead89 @bookworm0690 @bookbinderbitch @yikes-a-bee @littlewildflowerkitten

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@mogami13 @annabanannabeth @disrespectedgoatman @manda-panda-monium @maya-custodios-dionach

[inthe-dark-tonight]

Falling Into My Sins

chapter three: balled up fists

dbf!joel x fem!reader series - loosely inspired by the song skin by soccer mommy

chapter 1 chapter 2 chapter 4 chapter 5 chapter 6

summary: tommy and joel walk into your new job and you decide to confront joel about the events that took place at sunday night dinner. the only thing is, joel isn't alone.

word count: 2.5k

series rating: E (18+ mdni)

warnings: no outbreak AU, age gap (reader is in their 20s, Joel is in his 40s) no use of y/n, no physical description of reader, tommy and reader flirt a little, player!joel, joel being a gaslighter sorry, ANGST, theres one part where joel grabs readers wrist kinda roughly bc she’s… doing something so be aware of that, if i’m missing anything let me know!!

notes: okayyyyy here we go, i don’t want to spoil anything so… let me know what you guys think of this chapter :) thank you again to my love @shatteredbaby for proofreading for me again, i owe you my life mwah. can't forget my literal mother @pr0ximamidnight for letting me ramble for hours <3

It’s Friday morning now and Joel never got back to you. You didn’t send another text after your last one, afraid that you would seem desperate or annoying. You’ve been busy this week anyway so you try not to let it bother you.

One of the jobs you applied for finally called back, so you went in for an interview on Tuesday morning and they already have you working your first shift tonight. It’s a waitressing job, which isn’t exactly what you were hoping for, but you applied for anything and everything, just happy to be working again. It will also be good to get your mind off of everything that’s happened last weekend. 

You finish getting ready for work. Your shift starts in about an hour but you want to be early for your first day. As you leave your room, you grab your purse and your apron before running down the stairs. Your dad’s in the living room and you shout out to him. 

“I’m leaving! I’m not off until midnight so see you tomorrow!” 

“See ya bud, have fun!” He shouts back. 

You shut the door behind you and walk down your front steps to your car. As you walk to your car, you glance across the street towards Joel’s house. His truck isn’t in the driveway. You haven’t seen him at all this week, not even a quick glimpse as he was leaving for work or coming home. You saw Sarah come home from school a few times, but no Joel. 

You get into your car and turn the radio on, trying to shake the memory of the other night from your mind. You pull away, past Joel’s house and out of the neighborhood. The job you got is at a local diner near your house. Unfortunately though, it’s a 24hr diner which means you’ll probably be working nights most of the time but you’re just happy to be working again.

You pull up to the diner and step out of your car, grabbing your purse and tying your black apron around your waist. The one good thing about this job is that the dress code is simple, all black. You walk in and one of the other waitresses, Betty, greets you as you walk up to the counter. 

“Hi hon, welcome to work!” She smiles at you. 

She's an older woman, probably in her late fifties, and she’s very friendly. She was here the day of your interview and she chatted with you as you sat waiting for the manager to be ready for you. 

“Hi” you smile shyly at her.

“I’m gonna be training you tonight,” she starts. “There isn’t a lot to learn, I think you’ll get the hang of it easily so I’m just kinda here if you need any help.” 

You nod your head and follow her behind the counter. She takes about fifteen minutes to show you the ropes, how to use the register and things of that sort.

“Okay well,” she starts taking a deep breath. “I think you got this, I trust ya.” She winks at you. “It’s gonna be pretty slow for the next few hours, just watch the counter for now, I’ll handle any tables that come in.” 

You nod, acknowledging that you understand and then she walks into the back. You look around the diner noticing that there’s practically nobody in there. One booth in the back corner is occupied by an older man reading the paper and sipping on a black coffee, but that’s it. 

About an hour later you hear the bell on the door jingle as someone enters the diner. Your head whips towards the door and you see a familiar face, Tommy Miller. His face lights up as his eyes meet with yours and he walks towards the counter.

“Hey,” he glances around the empty diner, then his eyes land back on you. “Guess you heard back from some of the application’s you sent out huh?”

“Hi,” you laugh a little at his comment. “Yeah uh, I did. Today’s my first day actually.” 

He takes a seat at the counter and you hand him a menu. “Does that make me your first customer?” he raises his brow and smiles at you. 

“Yeah actually.”

“Hmmm, I’ll have to test ya then.” He opens the menu. 

You let out a small laugh “Can I get you anything? Coffee?” You watch as Tommy glances over the menu. 

He doesn’t look up at you. “Yeah actually, I’ll take a coffee while I wait.” 

Wait for what? You don’t ask. You walk to grab the coffee pot and a mug, setting it down to fill it in front of him. 

“Thanks darlin’,” he looks up at you and your cheeks heat up. 

“No problem, let me know when you’re ready.” You turn around to replace the coffee pot. 

Suddenly the doors open again, you hear the bell but you don’t turn around to look until you hear a woman laughing. You look up and your face immediately drops. 

It’s Joel Miller, and his arm is wrapped around some woman as they walk towards a booth. He doesn’t see you yet as he slides into a booth by the window, sitting on the side that faces you. Tommy turns his head glancing at him, then turns back to you. 

“Christ, when I told him to meet me after his date I didn’t think he’d bring the woman along.” Tommy rolls his eyes. 

Joel was on a date? You just hum in response, not sure what to say. You look back towards Joel, he’s smiling as he leans on the table. Once his eyes meet with yours his smile disappears. You immediately snap your eyes away from him and focus back on Tommy. 

“Ready?” You smile at him. 

He looks up at you giving you a cheeky grin “Yeah,” he rubs the back of his neck as he talks. “Gonna keep it simple I think, just a burger and fries.” 

You jot it down on your pad and then quickly rip the paper off. “You got it.” You wink at him, eyes meeting with Joel’s for a quick second before you turn around to place the order with the line cooks. 

When you turn around, Tommy’s cheeks are slightly flushed. Then you see Betty come out from the back and walk towards Joel’s table to take their order. You try not to stare as you try to catch a better glimpse at the woman he’s here with. She has long blonde wavy hair, and as she turns her head to say something to Betty you catch a glimpse of her side profile and blinding smile. You have to admit she’s quite gorgeous. Then Joel’s saying something to Betty before she walks back and gives her order to the line cooks. His eyes flicker to yours again, and then to the woman he’s sitting with. 

Your blood is boiling but you’re trying not to show it. How was he fucking you the other night and now he’s here with someone else? 

“So, what’ve you been up to this week?” Tommy says, snapping you out of your thoughts. 

“Oh nothing much,” You smile, a bit distracted.

He hesitates for a moment. “Got anything going on tomorrow?” He’s looking at you with his large brown eyes. 

You notice Joel is watching you like a hawk, dark eyes burning straight through you as you’re talking to Tommy. You peel your eyes away from Joel and look back to Tommy.

“Not sure, I don’t think so.” 

“If you’re free, maybe we could go to this bar downtown?” He stops for a second. “I mean, if not, that’s fine just-“ 

“I’ll let you know.” You smile at him before turning to grab his food and placing it in front of him. 

“Thanks.” he glances up at you quickly. 

You nod and then look back towards Joel. He gets out of the booth and the woman follows. As she stands up, he pulls her into an embrace before waving bye to her and sitting back down. As the woman walks out, you finally get a look at her. She’s gorgeous, luscious hair bouncing as he walks towards the door. She glances over at you and smiles before pushing on the door and leaving. You’re frozen there for a moment, before looking back towards Joel. You need to talk to him. 

“I’ll be right back.” Tommy looks up at you with wide eyes, nodding his head. 

You storm over to Joel, blood boiling. His eyes are locked on you the whole way over. When you get to his booth, you slide into the spot where the blonde woman was just sitting a moment ago and stare directly into his eyes. He shifts in his seat as your eyes stay glued to his. 

“We need to talk. Now.” The last part comes out low through gritted teeth and filled with anger as you try to keep it together. 

“What about, sweetheart?” He leans back, throwing his arm over the back of the booth. 

What about? He's got to be joking. You feel like you could snap any second, and you think he can tell by the look in your eyes. 

“Joel.” It comes out as a warning. 

“Okay, okay,” he glances around the diner. “Not in here.” He gets up from the booth and you follow him as he walks towards the door. 

Joel walks outside and you call out to Betty saying that you’re taking a quick break, she just waves you off. You walk out the door and look both ways before spotting Joel leaning against his truck. You walk towards him slowly, thinking about what you want to say. You stand in from of him, practically fuming at the way he’s acting so nonchalant, like he didn’t fuck you up against the side of your father’s home five nights ago and then ghost you. 

“So,” You say, finally breaking the silence. 

“So.” He says back. 

You’re silent for a moment, trying to collect your thoughts. “What exactly is going on, Joel,” your eyes meet his and your stomach flips. 

“Not sure what you’re talkin’ about.” He clears his throat and breaks eye contact with you, looking down at his boots. 

So he’s going to play dumb, you see how it is. “Seriously?” You shake your head still looking at him. 

He looks up at you apprehensively, like he’s afraid to meet your gaze. “Seriously, what are you on about.” His brows knit together as he looks at you.

You take a step closer to him. “You’re going to act like you didn’t fuck me behind my dad’s house less than a week ago?” Your voice starts to raise and he’s just staring back at you now.

“I-“ you cut him off. 

“No, let me finish.” You’re ready to let it all out. “You left abruptly Sunday night, practically ghosted me when we had plans Tuesday, and then showed up here… on a date?” He doesn’t say anything. “And then you have the nerve to ask me what we need to talk about.” 

He shoves one hand into his pocket and the other rubs at the scruff on his cheek. 

“Just tell me, were you lying when you said you didn’t want to forget about the night we met? That you wanted me,” You swallow thickly, afraid that you might not like his answer. “Was I just another girl to add to your list?” 

His jaw ticks as he stands there silently. “Yeah.” He’s still not looking at you. “It was just a fuck, that’s all.” 

You scoff. “You’re sick.” His eyes snap up to you. “Even after you found out that my dad is your best friend, who does that?” You shake your head, he has a smug look on his face that makes you just wanna- 

Your hand reaches up to slap him, but he catches your wrist before your hand even gets close to his cheek. He’s breathing heavily, anger burning behind his eyes.

“The hell are you doing?” He says it through gritted teeth. “Tryin’ to hit me?” 

You just stare at him. “You deserve it, don’t you think?” Your voice slightly breaks as the words come out. 

He grabs your other wrist and spins you around pressing you up against his truck. You try to wriggle away but he’s too strong. You’re speechless as you stand there in his grasp, a shocked look on your face. 

He’s breathing heavy as he towers over you, dark eyes staring at your parted lips now. His eyes meet yours, you have no idea what his next move will be. 

“Do I?” He’s close enough now that you can feel his breath fanning over your face. 

Your heart is racing. “Joel…” you breathe out.

Then he’s slamming his lips against yours, the kiss is needy and rough as he presses himself against you. You start to melt into him and then snap out of it, breaking the kiss. You push his solid chest as hard as you can, shoving him away from you. He slightly stumbles back releasing his grip on your wrists. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He looks like a deer in headlights right now, stunned by your reaction. 

His mouth falls open but nothing comes out. You turn away from him and start walking back towards the door, taking a deep breath trying to hold back tears, not from sadness but from anger. Who does he think he is? 

When you open the door to the diner, Tommy’s head whips towards you. “Hey, were you on break?” He asks as you walk back behind the counter. 

“Yeah,” Your voice cracks a bit as you answer him. “So, about tomorrow,” you clear your throat.

Tommy’s eyes light up. “Yeah?”

Joel walks through the door making his way to Tommy, you glance at him before your eyes meet his brother’s again. 

“I’d love to go with you.” He smiles at your words. 

“Great, I’ll get you around 8?” He says, his dark chocolate eyes gleaming as you nod positively.

Joel’s standing behind Tommy, now staring you down. You’re unsure about how much he’s heard, but honestly, you could care less at this moment. 

“C’mon Tommy, we gotta go.” Joel says as he lightly pulls at Tommy’s sleeve. 

Tommy pulls out his wallet, setting some cash on the table for his meal then stands up. “See ya.” he’s holding back a smile.

You bite your cheek. “Yeah, see ya.” 

Joel’s standing by the door waiting for Tommy as you give him a deadly glare before clearing the counter and you hear the door to the diner close. You’re not sure what you’ve gotten yourself into, but you feel sort of excited for tomorrow night.

thank you for reading! feel free to comment or leave asks, i love to talk about this fic so I will almost always answer/chat :)

tag list and some moots: @ilovepedro @isitmeulookin4 @joelsversion @nostalxgic @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @gracieheartspedro @jenispunk @beskarandblasters @javiscigarette @pedropascalfan221 @mellymbee @kaybee181520 @joeldjarin @akah565 @laurifern @chefchy4 @untamedheart81 @eliza-8 @fellinfromthetop @sofiparallel @znerac

[umgeorge]

george russell ls interviewed during the press conference on media day, monaco - may 23, 2024 (transcript under the cut)

Interviewer: "George, coming to you now, a lot of positive comments coming out of Mercedesa fter the race on Sunday at Imola. Where is the car better after this latest raft of upgrades?" George: "Yeah, the car's definitely more balanced through the lap now. We were struggling a lot, at the start of the year, balancing the high to low speed corners, and I think we have made progress. When you look at the gap to Red Bull, when you look at the gap to the rest of the midfield, we have moved forward, but I do think it's fair to say Ferrari and McLaren have moved forward at the same rate, so we need to keep on working, bringing those upgrades to the car, and the whole team are working flat-out right now to bring those upgrades as quick as possible." Interviewer: "You've finished fifth here for the last two years. Do you have the performance to finish higher than that on merit?" George: "As the guys have been saying, Monaco's so challenging. There's so many disruptions throughout the whole weekend, and you just need to find that sweet spot. The track's evolving so much, it's getting faster and faster; often up to three seconds quicker in qualifying than it is in a practice one, two. Even if you have a good Friday, you need to be ready to adapt moving into Saturday, and we saw today… I was in the engineering meeting and there was bright blue sunshine, and then I came out andit was pouring down with rain, so that could add some spice to things." Interviewer: "Do you think the low speed performance of the car will help you?" George: "I think we've known all season that we struggle to balance high to low speed. We can either get it quite competitive in the low speed and we struggle in high speed, or vice versa, so we are hoping that with relatively consistent corner speeds at this circuit that we should be slightly more competitive."

[time jump] NOT SHOWN: Journalist: "Albert Fabrega, ESPN Latam. Do you think that deleting the quickest lap time of a driver causing a yellow or red flag during qualifying, it could be a good system for a particular track like this one, for example?" NOT SHOWN: Esteban Ocon: "I think, if I'm correct, that's being looked at by the FIA. I think recently we've discussed that in some drivers' meetings, that a situation where a driver would cause a red flag would be monitored. So I think that should be something sensible to be doing, because we've seen in the past drivers causing issues and the others not being able to do a lap. Yeah, that should be something that the FIA monitors, I think." George: "Yeah, I agree with Esteban. We obviously have laps deleted all the time in qualifying for track limits. I think if you were to cause a yellow flag or red flag, you should probably have your best lap deleted. Yeah, nothing more to say there."

[time jump] Journalist: "Roldan Rodriguez from DAZN, Spain. A question to George: Last race your teammate said that he would prefer Kimi Antonelli in Mercedes in next year. I would like to know your opinion, who is in pole next year for Mercedes?" George: "Yeah, I think Kimi's a fantastic driver. Obviously racing in Formula 2 this year, but he's no doubt gonna be a Formula 1 driver in the future. And he's a fellow junior driver, as well, coming through the ranks as I did with the team, so I think it makes for a great opportunity for Mercedes, building into the future. But, as I said before, I'd welcome anybody as my teammate. I feel like I've got a pretty good teammate right now, as it is, so yeah, welcome anybody."

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

March 17th

Emo about Saint Patty’s Day. You’re telling me St. Pattys Day is on a Sunday this year and I’m not there? Fucking rude. Avoiding social media because i can’t bear to see everyone at the parade.

Been busy busy and phone decided to not work so that explains the lack of posts.

Friday we had our second language interviews. Realistically mine was not a good representation of what I know. I’m disappointed that it won’t accurately reflect my capabilities. But I can also recognize that the formal setting of the interview is not how a typical conversation flows.

Friday afternoon the trainees all put on our first community meeting. The goal was to gather members of the community to have a conversation about their environmental concerns. This was a trial run for all of us because we will be expected to do this alone once we are at site. We somehow managed to scrape together snacks, an environmental bingo game, and lead group discussions. I think all of us were surprised that it went as well as it did. And honestly I almost expect it will be easier to organize once we are alone in our sites because we won’t have to try to co-plan with 21 other volunteers.

Yesterday was Saturday and I went into Chorrera for provisions. Chorerra is where joy goes to die. It’s hot and disgusting and way too many people. People keep asking how I’d feel if i was placed in a really remote site, where in reality I’m much more wary about getting placed in a highly populated area. But i got my snacks and headed home.

Yesterday evening there was a fundraiser Bingo party for the guy who got hit by the car last week. (If you couldn’t tell, Bingo is a BIG deal here) To know one’s surprise, about 5 times as many people showed up to the Bingo Party than they did to our meeting. The event was a great way for all the trainees to socialize and build up some good cred. I would’ve had a lot more fun if I could’ve been drinking as much as the locals, 6 hours of bingo sober is about as thrilling as it sounds.

Currently I’m on hour 5? 6? Of a 10 hours bus ride. We’re headed to Chiriqui for a week of technical training. Right now I think Chiriqui is the province i want most for my site and I’m excited to see if that holds true after this week. It’s wicked close to the Costa Rican border and typically it’s a little cooler in the mountains. It ain’t cool right now though, It’s 112° outside and approximately 110° inside the bus. Luckily this is a private bus for the trainees and we are currently all wearing as little clothes as we can. The first 2 hours the AC was so cold that we were huddled up, now we are a flaming tin can barreling down the highway.

Feet infection! I have really fun small pus blisters covering my feet and ankles. Defintely not the ants because all the ant bites on my upper body cleared up within like 12 hours? I’m struggling to keep my feet clean and Dry. I can keep them dry but dirty? Or “Clean” but very sweaty in socks. Not sure what’s best. The flaming bus is horrendous but not having to wear shoes all day is probably best case scenario. Don’t love leaving my house for a week with even less access to medical care. But in typical Zoe fashion I’m self medicating and hoping that the concoction i come up with will help (I know y’all are gonna hate that).

Photos in the next post! Be wary I’m putting gross feet pics!

[thegreenmeridian]

Amazing fucking week:

Friday: Driving to the city and having such intense anxiety about the impending visit from my horrible boss on Wednesday that my vision keeps pinpricking

Saturday: Holiday in Amsterdam for my birthday with the intention of going to a gay sex club for gay sex on Sunday, enjoying vibing with nice old gay men in a very old gay pub on the Saturday. Someone gives me a bump of coke from a little envelope with Dutch blue porcelain patterns

Sunday: See a message from my awful boss at 1.32 am. I am full of alcohol and drugs. I am raging that he is once again hassling me while on vacation/sick leave, and over an issue that I have continuously tried to fix despite him turning down every possible solution I offer because for him, the only acceptable solution is me staying within 15km of the shop and never having evening or weekend plans. Wake up with hangover and hellish anxiety. Too shaky to even consider going to the gay sex party.

Monday-Tuesday: More anxiety, basically doing fuck all with my holiday. Message from bossman on Monday saying we will have a *serious talk* on Wednesday. Frantically messaging my group chat like “ok gang can I sell a car while it still has a loan? Anyone got a sofa I can live on when I get fired?”. Ask therapist for emergency appointment on Thursday.

Wednesday part 1: basically running on pure adrenaline and oscillating between borderline panic attacks and fuck you I quit. The head office people arrive. Bossman is not among them. CEO is. He walks around the shop and says I’m doing a great job. The recycling project lady (who I *love*) whispers to me that bossman isn’t coming so I can relax, I say “yeah I think he’s gonna fire me anyway” and she very vehemently says this won’t happen.

Wednesday part 2: I check my phone at 11.30. Bossman is not coming. Something has come up. He will see me next Wednesday. A reprieve! I’m more jittery than when I was on the Dutch cocaine, my fight-or-flight system is going mental. I hyperactively stock shelves for the next few hours. An email arrives at 14.30, while I’m on the phone to the union trying to work out if I can set fire to some things before I quit because fuck me I am DONE. The email is from my boss, announcing in two stilted sentences that he no longer works for the company, shortly followed by an awkward HR email like “he has ended his journey with the company, we wish him well”.

Wednesday part 3: ngl I have no memory of the next few hours, I think my brain chemistry entered strange new territories. When I come to, I’m walking into the “key meeting” which has been moved from the fancy hotel to a local sports bar in a sort of large shed. There are many, many football scarfs. The manager of the netto pounced on me looking for gossip about my boss. Bitch I don’t know the fuck dot gif. The presentation is in Icelandic. I zone out while staring into the machine knitted eyes of Eric Cantona. Dinner is spent sat next to the brand manager for one of the other supermarket chains in the company, mostly chatting about British football violence as befits the setting.

Thursday: as the great Ronnie O’Sullivan once said, I am up and down like a whore’s drawers. Stroppy email from accounting sends me into a panic spiral. Bouncing between hysterical laughter and pinprick vision. I am Coping. I am also doing an interview with an airport handling agent company for a job as a ramp agent. I think it goes ok? Most of the day a blur until emergency therapy, which is spent rambling like a mad bitch while squishing clay because art therapy slaps. Later, as I’m delivering shite to a boat an hour after I’m supposed to finish, the HR lady calls me. I am, apparently, still mental, because I tell her I thought I was being fired yesterday and when she reassures me I am NOT being fired, I snort and go “well *he* fucking is!”. I also tell her “yay I can stop taking the anxiety pills” and “full disclosure, the prevailing theory in the <boss’s name> support group is that he said let a slut slip while ranting about me in a meeting”. She assures me he would never and he’s just very Honest and Forthright. Ma’am maybe cycle back to the whole “several employees have a support group about this man” and “several employees very easily believe he’s been barely holding back the slurs”. Point of the conversation turns out to be she is *desperate* for me to take another management job out east that I maybe sorta hinted at being willing to do. She vaguely implies that if I don’t agree soon she will have to look elsewhere but they’ve been looking for someone for this job since August so nah ima take this slow.

Friday: adrenaline high is wearing off. I am tired. I hate this job. I have to work tomorrow. One of my apparently three new bosses phones. Man is apparently decent according to people I know who’ve worked with him and my own limited experience but he is clearly trying to Be Assertive now and is talking to me a liiiiitttle too much like ex-bossman used to. Long story short I bought a large tank of helium out of spite today. Phone call from HR Lady as I was leaving work (about half an hour after I was supposed to) and she is seriously desperate for me to take the job out east. They couldn’t get someone up to help me while I was unable to lift shit after surgery with two months notice but they can apparently find someone to cover me for a visit to this shop out east after I said multiple times I wouldn’t say yes until I’d seen the place.

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

It would happen to me that I spend a month and a half job hunting only to then get two jobs in the same week, both of them full time and highly demanding.

So basically I interviewed for a bakery retail assistant role and an unqualified nursery position, and after trial shifts for both I got them both, which I was shocked by. The timing of it all is so unfortunate; the nursery interviewed me last Friday and then invited me to a trial on Tuesday afternoon; the bakery then wanted me to come in for an interview and trial shift on Monday morning and so I agreed in case the nursery one fell through. The bakery offered me the position first on Monday, literally five minutes after my trial ended (god knows why since I felt awkward and didn’t know shit), and so I - rather stupidly - accepted it over the phone and started on Wednesday so I could still do the trial; I thought that I would get an answer about the nursery on Tuesday so I could have the chance to take it while still having the back up choice. Lo and behold, the nursery has accepted me and wants me to start next week, meanwhile the bakery has already put me on the rota for the next week and a half.

And now I’m stuck.

The nursery was my first choice, to be honest, and while I had been hoping to step away from childcare after working in schools and at daycare camp for the past few years, it would be with babies through to pre-school, which is a group I’ve not worked that much with (though I am good with babies it turns out). I have experience in this field already which helps.

The bakery job is selling bread/cakes/coffee as well as prepping sandwiches, cleaning etc. As I’ve discovered over my last two shifts there, I’m fucking abysmal at making sandwiches, keep forgetting things etc., but because it’s only my second shift I figured it’s just a matter of learning.

Hours wise, the bakery is 40 hours over five days, the nursery is 38 hours over five days (3 10 hour days + 2 half days of four hours); the bakery job means doing 6am-2:30pm/6:30am-3pm or 7:30-4pm, and while Sundays are off it means working Saturday with a day off during the week, which is a problem because in November I have a Saturday filled with pantomime performances (three of them!). Meanwhile the nursery is Monday-Friday, and the hours would for a full day would probably be something like 8-6:30 or something(?), meaning if I have a rehearsal at either 7:30-9:30 or 8-10 (evenings), I’ll have very little to no time to prepare or get my stuff ready etc, let alone eat anything, plus it doesn’t fit with performance days where I have to be in by 6pm.

I’m having to get up at 4:45am to every morning, so doing that and then having to stay awake until 10-11pm on days with rehearsals is AWFUL.

The benefits at the nursery (free gym membership, 40% off food/drink, discount at the salon/spa facilities on site) outweighs those at the bakery (free coffee/lunch), and the nursery pays 40p more per hour than the bakery.

The bakery at the staff are just, to my knowledge, so fucking nice most of the time despite me being useless and older than them, the manager is nice, and if I leave them it leaves them in the lurch and understaffed, which is so unfair on them. I don’t really know the staff at the nursery that well but I don’t think they’re horrible tbh, though they seemed absolutely exhausted and done by the time I went in for my trial shift on Tuesday afternoon.

The nursery wants me to start next Monday, but the bakery has a two week notice period so I would have to talk to both places and apologise profusely to work something out. If I don’t work the notice period then I could end up not being paid for the 34 hours I’ll have worked by Saturday evening.

I don’t want to go into childcare for the rest of my life, quite frankly, but the nursery has offered to pay for me to earn a qualification in childcare so long as I work a year afterwards (if I left before a year I’d have to pay them, which I suppose is reasonable), which would then mean I could be paid more in the future as I’d be a qualified childcare worker and not just an unqualified glorified babysitter.

They have a ball pit, a bunny and two Guinea pigs at the nursery - which I know aren’t for ME necessarily but I would get to go in the ball pit with the kids and see the bunny/animals so that’s a bonus

Travel to either isn’t really an issue as they’re both close, though the bakery DOES mean walking 40 minutes at 5am to get there while it’s dark in the winter

So… yeah. I’m feeling quite torn and lost right now, and I have no idea what to do.

[heartsoftruth]

Thank you @l8tof1 for tagging me! 🥰 1) where do you follow a race?  I watch it via F1TV, because I sure as hell won’t pay to hear Dutch commentary😜. For FP and Quali I always have the same set-up: Mainfeed on my tv (with Sky commentary) and on my MacBook splitscreen. So on my left side the F1.com livetiming and on the right side Lewis onboard. Only thing I change for the race day is that I change the F1 livetiming for the F1TV timing board. I like to watch the mini sectors and timing (for long runs for example) a bit closer during FP and quali, but during the race just the lap times are enough.  2) Do you watch by yourself or with others? By myself. When I was a kid I used to watch it with my father (since he’s also the one who got me into this sport), but ever since I live by myself I watch it on my own. It’s because 1) I’m from Max Verstappen land what the hell am I going to do in the middle of all these Max fans? 2) I like my set-up (as written above) and I get a bit anxious when I don’t know why Lewis is slow/not set a lap etc etc. With his onboard I know he’s managing or was held up etc etc.  I did it once for a race in 2021 - when my friend had her bday party in a room full of Max fans - and luckily for me it was a race not much much happened between those 2. And twice during FP in 2022 (one at the office and Lewis was P1 so I said: ‘So we gonna watch together on Sunday again? haha😂). 3) Do you watch every race and all sessions? Yes. That’s one of the pro’s of the new way of working: from home and at the office. So on F1-weekends I always work from home on Friday. I luckily rarely have meetings during FP so I can watch it haha. If I miss something during the F1-weekend I 99% of the time make sure it isn’t raceday. The 1% for this season was last Sunday when I went to the Nations League final haha.   4) Do you have any superstitions? ... *runs* *hides*. OK BUT I AM NOT CRAZY. I have a few ok. I’m already a very superstitious girl in general so...  Ever since the mess in Monaco I have a new ‘ritual’. So we all know it was not a good weekend with Lewis crashing during FP3 as the cherry on top. So I bought a certain drink for quali and Sunday and put on my Plus44 shirt and for quali it worked (at least out-qualifying his teammate). Sunday I put the same shirt on, open up the drink during the formation lap and take seven sips (now don’t come for me with EIGHT EIGHT!!!!). Mind you I watched the start inside a football stadium last Sunday and during the formation lap I took seven sips of whatever drink I had just to be sure. My friend was: ?????? HAHAHHA. And you all be DAMN sure when that formation lap starts in Austria and I’m standing in the stands watching him warm up next week I WILL take my seven sips 😂😂😭

5) what do you do after a race? Put F1TV on on mute waiting for Lewis’s interview and put a Sky stream on.  Besides that scroll, scroll, scrolllllll. On here, Twitter and Reddit. Just scroll and take in the comments/reaction/content. 

[collecting--stardust]

Top-5 moments of the season for you (any sport)

This is extremely long overdue because I have shit memories so I barely remember what happened especially because it's been a painful season for me so more reason for me to delete stuff from my head. (Plus I knew this list is going to be mostly about Celestino so I need to think of other moments that had given me serotonin boost hhh) Anyway, here we go!

5) F1 British GP

No offense but F1 has always been a bit boring to me and I've expected the racing to be closer this year due to the cost cap but welp, that doesn't happen unfortunately. Anyway, I remember watching this race with little expectation because I just want to fill the void of motogp summer break. But it turns out to be really interesting!! And Mick got his first points so that's a really nice bonus. Despite it all, I'm still really grateful Zhou and Alex are fine after that first lap chaos.

4) F1 Austrian GP

I thought it was coincidence and stroke of luck to get a fun race but the next weekend we are blessed with another awesome race! The podium doesn't reflect it much but it is a really fun race I had a serotonin boost that makes me go to class the next day in a good mood lol. Mick got driver of the day that race and all of my family cheers for him from what my sister tells me. It was a coincidence that my twin tunes in for the race since she usually don't and yeah, she had a blast that day especially because she's a huge fan of Mick. It was overall a really nice weekend for me and one that brings a smile whenever I recall back.

3) Moto2 Argentina GP

When Chantra won the Indonesia GP, I told my sister that I need the Idemitsu Asia duo and Cele to be on the podium together at least once this year. And then my wish come true 2 weeks later! I still think that Cele is not in the wrong in that controversial collision with Fermìn and it pains me whenever I see people blaming him for that still which makes me bitter. Yet I love the podium so much and he did awesome in that race! Plus he said in the post race interview that he meet Fermìn after the race and apologize because he doesn't want it to end that way and just hhh. That really reminds me of why he is my fav rider.

2) Moto3, Moto2 and MotoGP Qatar GP

It's the first race of the season and damn what a wonderful Sunday. I only start watching Friday and Saturday session in Jerez so I don't even know Cele got pole hhh. I was gutted for Ayumu but Migno end up winning! And Cele did a dominant race and win from pole! And what an emotional win for Gresini! Basically it's a rollercoaster of emotions and I swear I look like a mad woman that day lol. But really, that moto2 race is such a huge serotonin boost especially when I hear championship leader celestino vietti for the first time and ah, that was a really wonderful Sunday.

1) Moto2 Catalan GP

Okay I will be honest. I needed that win. Especially because Mugello is so painful and seeing him on the bike and looking so heartbroken- okay. Classic Cele having a shit start and need to play catch up. I had my heart in my mouth the whole race and I can barely feel my fingers especially the last few laps. I really thought Canet got it in the bag and that little menace (affectionate) did that last lap overtake and won and I just- I was gaping like a fish, screamed and just broke down. It was relief, happiness and other emotions too and I really, really needed that. I was so over the moon it was when MotoGP about to start that I registered just how ugly that glasses he wore on the podium was lol. But that weekend is so nice it made my whole week and I still rewatch that last lap whenever I feel down because that just how much important that race is to me.

....sorry waru I end up mostly rambling about cele instead hhhh

[28in2024]

I know I have a lot to catch myself up on: the breakup, buying a house, getting my GS-14 promotion, and adjusting to this new normal of being on my own. But that’s a later post because there is SO MUCH HAPPENING ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Need to brain dump this!

Monday, July 22nd - [WORK] Farewell with the team, PMA-209.

Wednesday, July 24th - [VOLLEYBALL] Played first Volo beach volleyball game at National Mall as captain. Carpooled with Charlie, first time talking talking to him and clicking fast.

Friday, July 26th - [BOYS]

1. Zach Fowler (Ohio) texted me at 4am seeing if I was down to come to Cincinnati after not talking to me for 1+ months

2. Charlie from volleyball asked me on a date via IG DM after literally 1 time hanging out. Turned him down and explained that I just got out of a long relationship and also we just met. Down to get to know each other more.

3. Had a “hangout” but pretty much a date with Cam that very expectedly lasted overnight and into the morning. Haven’t seen Cam in 3 months but had a very successful and intimate yet very wholesome date. Had KBBQ, walked around a very romantic old town at night, then I invited him over (stated not to be sus upfront) while he waits for his friend to pick him up. Watched cowboy bebop and samurai champloo then played some board games. Ended up laying next to each other on the couch at 2am and cuddled then kissed. Around 4am we both moved upstairs to my bed bc I had to get some rest before auditions!! He asked to be shirtless bc it’s hot and I told him I was too excited to sleep. He gave me a massage and we kissed some more before eventually drifting off to sleep. Made him filipino breakfast the next day and left him at the spot to Uber while I head to auditions.

Saturday, July 27th - [DANCE] Had Comeback Crew Auditions

Felt confident I did well in this 5 hour long process. Made friends along the way. Definitely got Korean fried chicken then showered and knocked out early after.

Sunday, July 28th - [FRIEND]

Went to church in the morning, ran errands, and finally visited nearby Ed’s plant world. Sean came over for the first time for homemade pasta dinner, Olympics, and good conversation.

Monday, July 29th - [VACCINE]

Got the COVID vaccine booster because I wanted to completely screw myself over for my first week at PMA-290. So sick and on Motrin around the clock the whole next day.

Wednesday, July 31st pt. 1- [WORK]

Laid out management style and team expectations to entire PMA-290 ROK P-8 team as new NH-4 case manager.

Wednesday, July 31st pt. 2- [BOYS/VOLLEYBALL/DANCE]

Carpooled with Charlie again and played second volo game. Had Zoom interview for Comeback Crew in the car on the way home.

Got McDonald’s and had good deep conversations with Charlie at my house until 11:30. I never imagined hearing “but they’re not my person” so sweet as his words. He seems like a very genuine, good guy that’s ready for something serious and aspires for marriage. Definitely interested in me and mentioned asking to hang out after volleyball season. He found out my ex boyfriend is khrystian, and I stated having khrystian and my friends on the same team is too messy to start anything with Charlie. He has a nice smile but he’s too short IM SORRY my tastes changed

Thursday, August 1st - [BOYS]

Celebrated Cam’s birthday showing him birria tacos at Mexican. Had ice cream at old town. Did advanced day one class. He texted me at the end of the night that he likes me a lot. I personally don’t feel the same. Not sure if it’s bc my social battery is crapped out or I am attracted to his appearance and not so much his personality. I need to sleep on it.

Angela also got engaged! She FaceTimed me during dinner!

Friday, August 2nd - [WORK]

Interview for FMS job at US Embassy in Rome

- we’ll see how this interview goes. I can’t help but think that if I get it, I really have a huge decision to make.

Friday-Sunday, Aug 2-4 - [FRIENDS]

Kyra and mharc coming over!

[getittogetherk]

November 12, 2023

Today was the first "better" day in a long time.

The last week I suppose was fairly typical. Staying in bed after my alarm would go off, staring into my phone, half working, and half staring at my phone, news, any news, celebrity news, huffington post personal stories, youtube topics that i don't really care for, but are there and have millions of views.

there is little difference between my time working and not working. i go from staring at my phone every other minute to just staring at it every minute, usually from bed. then i go over to the cluttered dining table where i clear a little spot, eat something unhealthy (these days: boxed kraft mac 'n cheese, ramen, or sujaebi), all while staring at my phone some more. i got a notification that my average screen time was over 10 hours last week.

a few updates: mom closed on her new place up the street, and last weekend cindy eemo and christina eemo flew over to help pack her up and move her in. that weekend i went to solvang overnight with lana and mirna for a nice dinner, wine tasting, a little indian casino, and a lot of just hanging out. when i came back, i took the eemos out to sushi gen saturday night, then to church on sunday morning, and then drove them to LAX monday evening.

last week was a pretty typical workweek. a few chores during my telework days, in office all day wednesday, no journaling, no reading, some intermittent messages with a lady on tinder. a lot of phone-staring, zombie scrolling, bed rotting.

this past weekend i had friday off and just slept for hours and hours. 12, per fitbit. and i made and ate just pounds and pounds of sujaebi.

on saturday i made some effort to clean as much as i could, as 1: i had planned to, and 2: rhiannon was going to come over and the place had gotten a bit out of hand. i was able to wash some dishes and pick up a few things, and then she came over, we walked for 1.5-2 hours at the gabrielino trail by jpl while we talked, then ate at roscoe's, then switched our trunk contents, emptying my many many moving boxes and swapping it with her drinks and snacks from one of her last work productions. she had wanted some help bouncing off ideas and listing pros and cons to figure out her next steps, as she had recently learned that she'd be losing her job by the end of the year, and she needed to line up things like: where to store her things, how to get out of her lease when her apartment mate was still on it, whether she could stay here intermittently if she had in-person interviews, what size of a storage unit she'd need. she ended up staying for quite a while, procrastinating, and instead mostly working on and finishing up the puzzle we had started some weeks earlier.

today was the first okay day in a long time. i wasn't desperately texting anyone who would listen. wasn't asking lana or danielle or amir what they were doing, what they're ever doing, if i can join, if i can just peripherally participate.

today i woke up at a reasonable time, did some chores, got out to the local church, New Abbey, cried, worshipped, prayed, held hands, and then went to Bea Bea's in burbank where i caught up with amy and cried just a little more. it was very good to see her. then to walmart where i picked up a few needed items (detergent, toilet paper, a clipboard, etc.) then a 45 minute walk, a shower, and a quick visit to my mom where we tried to figure out what kinds of repairs/services she'd be needing, i briefed her on my church experience, i ate dinner, and then came home.

i had a lot of coffee today, saw people who i loved and who loved me, and felt seen and accepted at church. i also got some very much needed exercise and started up with my lists again. weekly lists, monthly lists. little steps. daily outdoor excursions. one fruit/vegetable serving a day. more journaling. more reading. less screen time.

today felt hopeful. feeling grateful.

[absolutebl]

This Week In BL

Feb 2021 Part 3 

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. 

Ongoing Series Thai 

1000 Stars Ep 4 - so flipping lovely, I’ve come entirely around to this show. 

Manner of Death Ep 13 - the penultimate episode was as angsty & twisty as we could want, but it’s starting to feel a bit stretched. Although new tag #oakcake is the best thing ever. 

Brothers Ep 2 - still a mess but there’s a cute foodie side couple (young college student wants cute older baker). As the world’s foremost ChampDoc proponent I am obviously in it for them. The other couples though... eek. 

Ongoing Series Not Thai 

You Are Ma Boy Ep 6 (Vietnam) - second week running with no new episode and no indication as to why. If it ended at 5 then it ended on a cliffhanger. Grrr. 

Amore Ep 27 (Pinoy) - FINALLY finished its run at 27 episodes! TWENTY SEVEN. I stopped watching it ages ago but it’s done now so if you’re a binger and you need to see the “everyone wants Joey” show, it’s all on YouTube. We salute your bravery. 

Stand Alones 

Finally watched Korea’s Step For You from 2018 (in preparation for You Make Me Dance). OMG it’s SO CUTE. And who says Korea can’t do kisses? Oh wait, that was me. Anyway, no dead fish here. School newspaper journalist has to interview the next big thing senior dancer and falls in love with him. Short af but ADORABLE. 

I got my brains back and decided to FINALLY watch 2015 Japanese BL Seven Days. It comes in two parts: Seven Days: Monday - Thursday & Seven Days: Friday - Sunday. You can watch it eng subbed on YouTube. It’s one of the best Japanese BLs ever made (FIGHT ME) and that’s because it has a lot of the breezy style of something like 2gether (with, sadly the same heat level - low). The leads have a similar comfort level with each other which yields up fantastic on screen chemistry. It’s a charming af high school story with none of the usual stalker/obsession/rapey elements (nor the egregiously cartoonish humor) I’ve come to expect from Japanese BL. Despite the setting, it’s a lot more in the Cherry Magic vain than, say, Takumi-kun. GO WATCH IT. The hair is bonkers, but if that’s all I can think of bad to say, you know it must be good. 

The TharnType Wedding Special PPV dropped last week. Champ & Doc officially got together so I was happy. They hit a bunch of tropes, said I do, and that was that. I pronounce it... 

 Breaking News - So Many Teasers & They Dark AF 

More promos for HIStory 4 keep dropping so I think we can assume this is coming sooner rather than later. (Taiwan doesn’t raise funding the way Thailand does with test teasers, so we only see promo when the thing has started filming.) 

We Best Love 2 dropped its trailer. It’s a doozie. We’re all hoping for a happy ever after but frankly Taiwan means 50/50 chance at best. They love pathos and many of us will never recover from HIStory 3: Make Our Days Count. I’m terrified by the season 2 trailer. 

You Make Me Dance dropped a teaser, that’s our next one out of Korea. 

Lovely Writer showed its dark underbelly with a new angst-riddled teaser... what’s that? A wheaser? 

Secret Admirer the Series dropped its first teaser. I had this one on the rumors list but not actual, so I bumped it up in the upcoming 2021 BL master post. It’s only a taste, it could be gunning for 2022. The director can’t be trusted with happy endings - so I’m not sure about it. 

Gossip 

Wild rumors persist that there will be a new 2gether installment in which someone gets married. I wouldn’t be surprised to see GMMTV milk that cash cow especially if F4 is delayed. (With all these BLs featuring marriage, maybe the Thai government will legalize it on account of the boost destination weddings would give the tourist industry post covid?) 

Bad Roommate dropped a teaser for all you Gen Y Padlock lovers out there (waves at @heretherebedork​). Do we trust Star Hunter after the Gen Y debacle? Maybe? I don’t know. Who cares, it’s fresh content. 

More rumors of a We Best Love special episode before season 2. If they’re true my guess is it’s another behind the scenes thingy. 

Fish Upon the Sky is reported to drop ep 1 on Friday, April 9th, 2021! This is the rivals to lovers BL I’ve been waiting for! 

I am SO FLIPPING EXCITED. 

Initial murmurs about Close Friend - a 6 ep run featuring established BL ships from an unknown director: KimCop (2Moons & Gen Y), OhmFluke (Until We Meet Again), JimmyTommy & MaxNat (Why R U), JaFirst (TharnType 2), and YoonLay (YYY). Either each couple gets their own episode (like Our Skyy) or it will be more like You Never Eat Alone. Ships may or may not be playing the same characters as previous. 

A few more promo shots posted for Y-Destiny. It looks more serious than director Cheewin normally goes for (YYY & You Never Eat Alone). I don’t know if that means anything or if it’s just a mature styling we’re seeing in Thai BL as a result of the actors getting older and the influence of Manner of Death and KinnPorsche. 

Speaking of You Never Eat Alone is supposed to be finally dropping official Eng Subs somewhere, and ep 9 features Prem & Boun. I’m not bothering with this one so I don’t know where it’s posting. 

Next Week Looks Like This: 

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here. 

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something. 

[missymurphy1985]

The Umbrella Girl (part 6)

The Aftermath of your night with Cillian...

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @ntmynouis @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @noctvrnalmoth @ysmmsy

Warnings - language, mentions of baby loss, smut (this got long... Sorry!!)

The morning after your night with Cillian had gone incredibly well, considering. Your mum was surprised to see him the following morning, but she was one of the most liberal people you knew - and she adored Cillian too, especially after the cooked breakfast he'd knocked up. Emily had arrived home with Steph later that day and Steph pulled you to one side to talk to you alone.

"Lisa's gone crazy y/n.. she's already contacted the Sun, the story's going live tomorrow morning... It's all over social media.." You took a deep breath and Steph hugged you tight. The sound of Cillian's phone in the background interrupted you, you had a feeling you knew who it was. He came into the living room to join the two of you so Emily and your mum didn't overhear anything in the kitchen. Steph left the two of you alone.

"All you have is one side of the story Mr Grayson.... No I'm not prepared to give a statement yet..... Yes I'm aware of the implications... Again, I'm not interested in giving a statement... Call me again and I'll have your job Grayson, delete my number!" You could see the anger rising in his eyes and you swiftly took the phone from him before he said something he'd regret and ended the call, turning his phone off. He wrapped his arms round you and held you tight, you could feel the emotion rising in him.

"It's okay. It'll be okay... I promise..." Suddenly two little arms wrapped round you both, Emily looked up at the two of you sadly.

"Cillian crying?" She whispered, and he lifted her up into his arms to give her a big hug. Your heart lurched watching your child wrap her arms round his neck tight.

"I'm better now I've had that hug Emily... Thank you." He kissed her cheek affectionately and smiled at you, nodding. He was okay. For now.

"I'm gonna head home y/n... I have a feeling my publicist will want a word or two. I'll call you later, okay?" He kissed you, still holding Emily who giggled at him as he tickled under her ribs. "You gonna take care of your mama?" She nodded and he placed her back on the floor letting her run back into the kitchen. Saying a quick goodbye to your mum and Steph, he kissed you again before opening the front door. He quickly came back inside and closed it again.

"Fucking press are out there y/n... There's dozens of them... The fuck do I do?"

"Shit... Did they see you?"

"I think so.." he ran his fingers through his hair and leaned against the wall.

"Stay here. Call your publicist from my room upstairs, tell him EVERYTHING. He needs to know before it comes out tomorrow.. he'll know what to do?" Cillian nodded, and headed upstairs, turning his phone back on.

CILLIAN MURPHY IN BABY SCANDAL!!

Former Peaky Blinders Personal Assistant Lisa Tyler reveals she lost her and Cillian's baby as a result of the stress caused when he refused to have anything to do with their baby... even going as far as to claim she wasn't even pregnant. Their affair began six months before Murphy's wife, Cassie, left him, speculating she found out about the affair which led to their divorce last year. Murphy is yet to make a formal statement, however he did threaten to have our entertainment reporter, Len Grayson, fired yesterday when we contacted him. His temper clearly something he needs to keep in check.

Cillian's head sank into his hands, he couldn't read the rest. The front page even had a blurred out screenshot of the sex tape Lisa had made, next to a photo of Lisa holding a baby scan photo - not her scan, clearly, she was only 2 weeks pregnant when the miscarriage happened, but for the purposes of the story the image just added to the drama.

There were reports the tape was now all over the internet - the date mark clearly photoshopped to make it look like it had been filmed months before it actually was, but the untrained eye wouldn't spot that. She'd given the Sun all of the details - nothing left out. His publicist had gone ballistic the day before when Cillian told him. Even his ex wife had called him to berate him. His family didn't believe a word of it - they of course knew the truth and were standing by him unconditionally.

You sat next to him on your bed and held his hand. He hadn't left your house since Friday night, too worried about facing the paparazzi outside, but he needed a change of clothes - he had to face them today whether he liked it or not.

"Want me to come with you?" You asked him, resting your head on his shoulder.

"No.. I can't drag you into this any more than I already have y/n.. this isn't fair.. you don't deserve this. Emily doesn't deserve this..."

"Don't you dare Cillian... Don't you dare push me away now!" He looked into your eyes and put his hands either side of your face.

"I couldn't push you away now if I tried.. please don't leave me y/n?"

"I told you, I'm not going anywhere! Come on. We need to do this sooner or later... Hand in hand, remember?" You stood up, taking his hand and led him down the stairs. Your mum with Emily in the living room. You both walked in hand in hand, and Emily rushed to Cillian. The two of them had spent the weekend playing tea parties and dolls, they'd become thick as thieves. He'd charmed your mum all weekend, cooking meals and helping with the cleaning - you were worried your mum loved him more than you did, because that's exactly how you felt. You wanted him completely, and had fallen for him hard.

He put Emily down and looked to you.

"You sure you want to do this?"

"Shut up, Murphy." He laughed, and kissed your hand, leaning in to kiss your cheek. Leaving your mum and daughter in the living room you both made your way outside to the waiting reporters, statement ready. You wouldn't speak, simply hold his hand for support and let him do it.

Approaching the cameras, Cillian took a breath and told his side. Essentially repeating everything he'd told you that day in Sophie's trailer, but with less emotion. His publicist had warned him not to get emotional - the papers would simply rip him apart even more. You stood to the side, hand in his, squeezing it now and then, as he came to the end of his speech.

"This lady has completely bowled me over. Without her, I couldn't have faced you today," he looked back at you and cleared his throat. "I'd ask, politely, that you give us space. Respect the privacy I've always requested in good faith. Allow us to deal with this privately and together. What's been said about me isn't all true. I was never unfaithful to my wife of 21 years.

I have made mistakes. Show me a man who hasn't? I have hurt people. I have disappointed people. I have let people down. What happened with Lisa and the baby was tragic... It was a tragic accident. Yes, I was angry. Yes, I doubted the baby was mine, and no, I'm not proud of my actions. I've nothing else to say on the matter, and I repeat, respectfully, that I'd appreciate privacy for myself and my family now. Thank you." You both made your way to his car, ignoring the barrage of questions from the paparazzi, and Cillian kissed your cheek before getting in and driving away. You walked back into the house, closed the door and fell into your mum's waiting arms, finally letting out the tears you'd been holding all weekend.

That week's filming was, fortunately, smooth sailing. Not a single person on Peaky believed the venom Lisa had been spouting in the media, and even Cillian's ex wife had been convinced of his innocence over a course of phone calls and texts. Anto had instructed that you cancel any media interviews Cillian had planned in order for him to keep as low a profile as possible. For the most part, it was business as usual. You were all meant to have a week's break, but with the situation as it was, it was agreed across the cast and crew that the sooner you all finished filming the better so the week off was cancelled. As disappointed as Cillian was not to be going home to Dublin for a week, it meant an extra week with you, so he wasn't complaining too much.

You were sat in Cillian's trailer, a cold, miserable Friday morning. The story had been out for nearly a week and the media circus was showing no signs of calming down. There were even random women sharing 'kiss and tell' stories now that were completely false, Cillian had never even met these women, never mind had sex with them. His head was laid back on the sofa cushions his hands over his eyes rubbing them tightly. He hadn't slept properly since Sunday. You made your way over to sit across his knees and pulled his upper body into your own, holding him tight to your chest as you stroked his hair gently.

"You need sleep Cill, you're not doing yourself any favours. Plus, Steph is sick of wasting her expensive eye cream on you covering those suitcases under your eyes," you chuckled, making him laugh a little under you. He ran his hands softly up your back making you shudder. You hadn't slept together since Sunday either - his mind too preoccupied.

His hands soon snaked underneath your t-shirt, making you arch you hips slightly closer to his. He lifted you off him, and sat you on the sofa next to him. You were about to ask what he was doing, before his body was hovering over yours, his lips attacking your neck. Your fingers began unbuckling his belt and jeans, pulling them down to his ankles allowing his hard cock to spring in front of you. Without missing a beat, you took him into your mouth, his hands gripping the back of the sofa behind you as you licked slowly up his shaft. Pumping the base of his cock with one hand and taking the tip into your mouth, bobbing your head over him quickly. This was not going to be your usual slow, sensual session, but neither of you wanted that right now.

"I'm not coming in your mouth y/n... Turn around..." he pulled you up and bent you over the sofa, your skirt now hitched up over your waist and your underwear pulled down to your ankles. He ran his tongue slowly against your slit, his hands squeezing your thighs. You were already wet for him after days of no physical contact.

"I need you inside me Cillian, please...." You raised your hips up, he groaned as pushed himself inside you until you felt him flush against your thighs. His thrusts quickly becoming hard and fast, pounding into you as you gripped onto the sofa, panting his name.

"Stop... Wanna ride you... Sit down..." He spun the two of you round, never leaving your warm core as he sat on the sofa, you were now on top of him with your back pushed forwards. You held onto the table in front of you for leverage and moved your hips in circles over his thick length, buried deep inside you. He pulled you back into his chest, his hand now between your legs rubbing your clit as he thrust up into you sharp, hard, and fast. The new angle hitting your sweet spot inside with a new level of intensity.

"Fuck... I'm gonna come Cillian... Don't stop..." Your walls clenched around him as you came harder than ever, your juices flowing from you onto the sofa underneath, his release following quickly with a deep, gutteral groan. He rested his head on your shoulder, and you felt his breathing becoming shallow, before his eyes closed softly into a deep sleep. You eased yourself off him slowly and cleaned yourself up, before laying him down on the sofa with a cushion under his head and a blanket over his half naked body. He barely made a sound as he slept. Kissing him gently on the head, you straighted out your clothes before heading out of the trailer. Luckily he wasn't due on any scenes for a couple of hours at least.

Your phone pinged with a group message to you and Cillian from his sister, Orla, you could see 4 missed calls from her too. Opening the message, you nearly dropped your phone in shock.. a video of Cillian's house in Dublin... Surrounded by fire engines and police cars, smoke bellowing from a window downstairs...

The scream from the trailer behind you could've woken the dead...

[captain-ross-poldark]

Poldark’s Aidan Turner on playing Leonardo da Vinci

Ed Potton

Friday 2 April 2021

Aidan Turner takes on the role of Renaissance polymath LeonardoJUSTIN SUTCLIFFE/EYEVIN

I’m trying to work out where Aidan Turner is Zooming from. Is it London, where he moved to in 2017 after his Ross Poldark became the drooled-over king of Sunday-night television? Dublin, where he grew up, trained as an actor and returned to spend the first lockdown with his parents? Or Rome, where he shot his new series, Leonardo, in which he plays a young Leonardo da Vinci?

“None of the above!” Turner says. “I’m in Toronto.” The enigmatic charm, feline eyes and gleaming locks that he deployed so mercilessly in Poldark, The Hobbit films and Being Human are all there. “My missus is working here,” he explains, and so is he. That’s the American actress Caitlin FitzGerald, his partner of three years, whom he met when they starred in the 2018 film The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot. At first I assume the “missus” is laddish affectation but it turns out that it’s official: Turner and FitzGerald, both 37, got married in secret in Italy in August after filming finished on Leonardo. You can almost hear the sighs of disappointment ripple around the world.

Turner won’t say any more — he is famously guarded about his personal life — but he looks insanely happy in the couple’s rented apartment. FitzGerald — whose grandfather Desmond was a CIA agent and organised several plots to assassinate Fidel Castro — is shooting a series, Station Eleven, in Toronto while her husband works on another project that he’s not allowed to talk about. In their downtime they’ve been watching I’ll Be Gone in the Dark, an HBO documentary series about the Golden State Killer, and, on a lighter note, Ottolenghi and the Cakes of Versailles. They share the apartment with Charlie, an ebullient Norfolk terrier that Turner has to eject from the room halfway through our interview when he starts yapping. “I’m surprised he behaved for so long,” he says.

Eight-part series Leonardo has been criticised for warping historyPA

Like many of his fellow thesps, Turner has been doing a great deal of lockdown painting. “We have a roof garden here and the light has been really good,” he says. “I probably shouldn’t be saying this because I don’t know if the landlord knows. It’s not messy work anyway!” Unlike some of his peers — I’m looking at you, Pierce Brosnan — he has yet to unleash his daubings on the world. How would he describe his style? “I struggle to say abstract, but I haven’t quite figured out what it is yet.” Did it help with playing Leonardo? “I don’t know. If you saw my paintings, you’d assume very much not,” Turner says. He has a studied line in self-effacement, honed after years of “sexiest man on TV” questions.

Leonardo premiered in Italy last month and was watched by seven million, many of them doubtless keen to see Turner brooding in a succession of smocks. The eight-part series has been criticised for warping history, having the artist accused of murder and featuring an apparently fictional muse, Caterina da Cremona, played by Matilda De Angelis from The Undoing. Luca Bernabei, the chief executive of Lux Vide who produced the series, defended it stoutly. “Matilda De Angelis’s character did exist. She was a model Leonardo asked to paint,” he said. “We have been really careful in our research. But this is not a documentary, we are not historians and this is not a university history lecture.”

And if the history pedants are spluttering, the art pedants should be happier — the series goes to considerable lengths to make the painting look authentic. Each episode is themed around a different masterpiece, from the portrait of Ginevra de’ Benci to The Last Supper to the Mona Lisa, and the candlelit cinematography is often sumptuous. Turner’s research included a private view of a Leonardo exhibition. “I spent some time alone with the actual paintings, which was brilliant,” he says. “They’re just like high-definition photographs. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that a human had done this.”

Aidan Turner attended an artist’s boot camp before filming startedVITTORIA FENATI MORACE

The series opens in Florence in the 1460s, with Leonardo a pupil of Verrocchio, played by the veteran Italian actor Giancarlo Giannini. Before the shoot Turner and his co-stars went on an artists’ boot camp (brush camp?) supervised by professionals. He says the hardest part was learning to paint, as Leonardo did, with his left hand. He compares it to learning to ride a horse for Poldark, which he pretended he knew how to do before going on a crash course when he got the part.

Brushwork was the same, he says. “I realised I had to get good quite quickly and look like I knew what I was doing with my left hand, which is more difficult than you would think. It’s keeping it steady — you find it just moves around a lot. Leonardo was very slow and precise — I think I got it down. After a few weeks you start picking up the brush with your left hand, it becomes natural.”

Leonardo was a vegetarian, Turner tells me, “and apparently later in life opened some sort of vegetarian restaurant”. He was also gay, something that, despite reports, the series does not shy away from. Was this Turner’s first time kissing a man on screen? He laughs. “Of all the things I was expecting you to ask next, that wasn’t one of them! In a lot of ways it was just another love scene. The fact that the gender was different — that was never a thing. No, it felt right. It didn’t feel any different at all. But yeah, to answer your question, that was the first time, which I’d never really thought of until now.”

What did feel weird, he says, were the Covid protocols. “Suddenly people are wearing masks and shields and hazmat suits. We had a big sanitisation machine as we walked in that would spray us. You take off the mask when you shoot the scene and it’s a bit strange for a second. Then you realise it’s the first time you’ve seen your co-star’s face that day. It’s not conducive to a very creative environment, for sure. But we made it work and nobody got sick.”

With his wife, the American actress Caitlin FitzGeraldREX FEATURES

Turner spends a chunk of the first episode painting De Angelis, and both actors know what it’s like to be ogled. She has been asked endlessly about her naked locker-room sequence in The Undoing, just as he has been reminded of his shirtless scything scene in Poldark. Before that there was his lusted-after vampire in Being Human and his sexy dwarf in The Hobbit — branded a “dwilf” in some quarters — although that “definitely wasn’t the intention”, he says. “I think I just had less prosthetics on my face. My make-up call was 20 minutes and everyone else was sitting in the chair in the morning for three and a half hours. It wasn’t good to be around the other dwarfs in the mornings, that’s for sure.

“I get why people are interested,” he says of the ogling. “It’s just when it keeps coming up.”

We move on. According to a recent survey Cornwall has overtaken London as the most desirable place to live in Britain. Does he think Poldark played a part in that? He laughs. “Maybe we nudged a few people in the right direction. I think people forgot how beautiful that side of the world is. One of the first reviews of Poldark we read was like: ‘We can’t believe that this is our country, it looks like the south of France.’”

Could Poldark return, and would Turner be in it? If they stuck to the chronology of Winston Graham’s books they would have to leap ahead a few years. Maybe he could play an aged-up Ross Poldark in latex and fake paunch? “I don’t know if I’d be keen on the ageing-up thing,” he says. “It never really works. I don’t know whether they need to be too strict with that gap anyway. There’s the possibility someday, maybe. I enjoyed working with everybody on Poldark, from the writers right down to all the cast and crew. It really is like a family. So I’d be open to chat about it. But not for a while.”

Turner with Eleanor Tomlinson in PoldarkMIKE HOGAN

Before that he will appear as the apostle Andrew in The Last Planet, the forthcoming biblical epic from Terrence Malick, revered creator ofThe Thin Red Line and The Tree of Life. Well, he doesn’t know for sure if he will appear. Actors of the calibre of Rachel Weisz, Mickey Rourke and Jessica Chastain have seen their performances in Malick films vanish during editing.

“You want what’s best for the film. And if you don’t fit into it, you don’t fit into it,” Turner says in the tone of hair-shirt devotion that actors tend to use when talking about Malick. With a cast including Ben Kingsley and Mark Rylance as Satan, the movie is meant to tell the story of Jesus through a series of parables. Turner doesn’t really have a clue, though.

“You don’t necessarily know what you’re signing up to. You’re signing up to Terrence Malick,” he says. The director has “a great way of working. Everything is around ‘where is the sun’ at this particular time. That’s our natural light and it’s all we use. So things happen fast. There’s no trailers, hair, make-up, we’re just all together. You don’t know from day to day what you’ll be doing. It’s quite renegade stuff. That’s the way I always wanted to work.”

It’s closer to the immediacy of the theatre, which is where Turner started out. The son of an electrician, Pearse, and an accountant, Eileen, he represented Ireland at ballroom dancing before falling into acting. After studying at the Gaiety School of Acting in Dublin he acted in plays for five years and in 2018 he returned to the stage to rave reviews in Martin McDonagh’s The Lieutenant of Inishmore in the West End. Rave being the operative word — his performance was bracingly unhinged. “I can’t wait to get back to the theatre,” he says. “That’s what we’re looking at probably next.”

Turner’s character in The Lieutenant of Inishmore was an Irish freedom fighter, but he is reluctant to talk about the prospect of Irish reunification (“So I don’t get shot when I get home,” he told one interviewer). Culture is safer ground, and his native country is going through a purple patch with Sally Rooney in literature, Fontaines DC in music and the likes of McDonagh, Jessie Buckley and Denise Gough in drama. “It tends to happen in waves,” Turner says. “Coming out of drama school, Colin Farrell was such a big thing. When these actors really make it you can feel some of their light begin to shine on the industry back home.”

Like Farrell, Turner is an international star, although it has mainly been in period roles: Poldark, Leonardo, Andrew and his breakout turn as the 19th-century poet Dante Gabriel Rossetti in the 2009 series Desperate Romantics. It must be something about the hair.

That could be about to change, though. Toronto often stands in for New York, which suggests that his current mystery project has a contemporary setting. Does he yearn to act in jeans? “Yeah, you’re right,” he says with a laugh. “After Leonardo, I think tights and knee-length boots are out for a while.” Many would beg him to reconsider.

All episodes of Leonardo will be on Amazon from April 16

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/poldarks-aidan-turner-on-playing-leonardo-da-vinci-wnmqhxqxr

[natromanxoff]

Mercury Roadrunner's Interview about Freddie Mercury with Peter Freestone – Part III

Thanks very much to Mercury Roadrunner (Pavel Strashnyy) for letting me share his amazing interviews! Originally shared here. Check the tag "MR interview with Phoebe" to see the other parts.

Here are the 6 main topics of this interview, beginning of each topic is written in bold:

1. Freddie's clothes and beliefs, drugging story

2. Freddie's family

3. South American tour

4. Memories about Brian, Roger and John

5. Books, plays and opera

6. Before and after concerts, Michael Jackson, first memory about Freddie, what how would it be if he was still alive?

PS: So, here is our third part, and the first topic is about Freddie’s clothes for concerts. On the Hot Space tour, we can see arrows in Freddie’s clothes. What was so special for Freddie about these arrows?

PF: I don’t know. It’s just something that got into his mind. They are also in the video for “Body Language.” I think it’s just something that fascinated him at the time. He just decided he liked arrows.

PS: I see. And where exactly did you source all those arrowed vests and jackets for him, for concerts?

PF: They were actually all made in America, they were made for him. They bought the T-shirts and painted them on. And with the leather jackets and the other jackets, they just made them. There was that one big jacket he had. He only wore it, I think, once or twice. With the actual arrows sewn onto it. He literally wore it two times, I think. The reason he didn’t use it was because he couldn’t take it off on stage, because as soon as he started sweating it stuck to him. So, there was no way he could just take it off. That’s why he stopped using it. But it was just a phase he went through.

PS: Speaking about Freddie’s T-shirts, Freddie used to wear quite a few T-shirts with logos of different gay establishments, different gay clubs, such as Haven, The Works. And the question is, how exactly did he usually obtain such T-shirts? Were they given to him as presents or did he buy them?

PF: Most of them were. I mean, obviously, we offered to pay, but then the manager says, “No, no, no. Take it, take it.” Because, of course, it’s going to be good advertising for them, isn’t it?

PS: With such a superstar wearing their T-shirts. Speaking of clubs, have you ever visited the famous Studio 54 in New York?

PF: Yes, we were there quite often. Usually on the Sunday night. And, it was fine, it was good. It was the Sunday, because he went to The Saint on Saturday. It was fun, it was good. It was so very, very different because of the history that was attached to it. But it was good, it was big enough for people to hide in. If you wanted to be seen in a photograph – yes, fine, well and good. But if you didn’t, then there were plenty of places where you could just stand or sit, or whatever.

PS: In what ways was it different?

PF: I mean, the feeling of the place. Because they spent a lot of money on the interior. With all the different lighting, stage, everything was there. It had that, sort of, bit of glamour.

PS: Actually, as we mentioned the holiday of Easter at the beginning of our talk, I would like to ask you, in your understanding, was Freddie any kind of spiritual person? Maybe not religious but sort of a believer, as we can see a lot of lyrics for his songs where he mentions God.

PF: He didn’t follow any organised religion, because it’s something that he never really spoke about, because he felt that and politics were, in fact, very private to a person. But I do believe he had a faith, he did have his belief, but not in any way that we would recognise.

PS: Coming back to our topic about clubs, could you please try to remember the story about Freddie meeting one of the members of Village People in one of the clubs?

PF: I’m trying to remember which club we were in. It could actually have been The Works where we met him, because I know it was just a chance meeting. We then went to some promotion thing that the Village People were doing. And we were there, we met up with David Hodo; he was the construction worker. They became good friends, and they would meet up quite often in clubs whenever Freddie was in New York. But it was just a chance meeting.

PS: There were some kind of rumours that some accident happened to Freddie when he met one of the Village People members in a club. Do you remember anything like this?

PF: Accident, no. There was that time in one of the clubs, there was a group of us and David was there with us. I went to the toilet and told Freddie, “Just stay here.” And he says, “Yes, yes, yes.” And then I went to the toilet and when I came back, of course, he wasn’t there where he was supposed to be. And then David came and found me and said, “You better come and give Freddie a hand,” I said, “Why? What?” He said, “You have to see it.” We went round the corner and there was Freddie jumping in a big, sort of, net container where there were all the plastic cups from the drinks you just threw away. He was just jumping up and down in it, because someone had actually put something into one of his drinks, and he just had gone… happy. [laughs] So, between David and myself, we just lifted him out, took him and stood him by the bar and wouldn’t let him go anywhere.

PS: Coming back to the Hot Space times, you can be actually seen in the backstage footage of the Milton Keynes Bowl show, and you are walking together with Freddie to the stage. Can you please share any special memories about this show?

PF: The show itself, no. But the night before the show, he was bitten on his hand by his boyfriend at the time, Bill Reid. He bit him and drew blood between his thumb and his forefinger. So, Freddie was having a bit of a problem playing the piano at that show. As far as the music goes, it was another big outdoor Queen show.

PS: Speaking about the Hot Space tour, in general, what was the most specific moment or, maybe, your personal memory of it?

PF: No, not really. One tour blends into the next tour, whether it was Europe or America. When you are actually on tour, it’s basically the same every evening – soundcheck, show, out, hotel, travel to the next place. It became very much routine.

PS: As a viewer, you have seen only one Queen show, right?

PF: Yes, the show I have seen was one of the Wembley shows in 1986. It was the Friday night. He had friends over from America and he wanted me to look after them. And then Joe actually took care of him for the show.

PS: And you saw it not from the stage but as a viewer?

PF: Yeah. We were all sat in the royal box, which was, sort of, the VIP area. You don’t get any good view or anything, and this is in any show. It’s either right at the side or whatever. You don’t really see anything. It’s really a place where celebrities can go and sit so that the audience can go and see them. That’s what it was about, really.

PS: What are your memories about Freddie’s family? This is our second topic. What are your memories about Bomi and Jer.

PF: I probably saw them five times in my entire life. He tried very much to keep his music life totally separate from his family. The music side of him did not really fit with their strict Zoroastrian faith. He didn’t want to push their noses in it. He would bring them to one show each tour of Europe when they [Queen] were in London, and that would be it.

PS: Even if you saw his parents five times or something, could you remember, in general, your impression of his father? As we can see his mother, Jer, in some documentaries. But what was his father like?

PF: His father was just quiet, very, very quiet. Which was unusual in that sort of family, because normally it was the male who was dominant, and the females were submissive. But it was very much the other way round with this family. The mother did a lot more talking. I probably had more to do with them after Freddie died than when he was alive, because I talked to them to find out what they needed for the service and everything. The whole world had had him for twenty odd years, he was owned by the world, so I felt it was only right particularly at this time that his parents got what they needed. They should never be burying their son. That’s not supposed to happen. So, for them to be able to deal with the whole thing I felt it was only right to actually accommodate them with the funeral service and everything. So that’s why I say that I probably spoke more with them then than at any time before.

PS: Do you have, maybe, any kind of memories of Freddie spending time together with his sister, Kashmira?

PF: She came to Garden Lodge not even as much as his parents did, because she lived in a different city, she lived in Nottingham. If their parents came to Garden Lodge, maybe, six times, she would have been there, maybe, three. They spoke on the phone every now and then, probably not even quite as much as with his mother. It wasn’t a close, close family like so many people believe families should be, but then I fully understood it, I fully understood his feelings there.

PS: Do you find any similarities between Kashmira and Freddie? Are they in some ways like each other?

PF: I think so. But I found out a lot more in the more recent years than while Freddie was alive. She enjoys her life with what Freddie has given her. And the way she honours Freddie because Freddie gave her 25% of his money. And she’s buying these really classy, good quality jewellery and cigarette cases and everything, and then she lends them to the Victoria and Albert Museum in Freddie’s name. So, she’s enjoying the money but letting the world know that it’s only through Freddie. I admire her for that. If Freddie was to actually be seeing what she’s doing, he would be over the moon because she’s enjoying the money. So many people just cannot, but she is, she is definitely enjoying it.

PS: She has a total right to do so.

PF: Yes, very much so, because she’s doing what, I believe, Freddie would have wished her to do. Because he enjoyed his money, so that’s why he gave it to her so that she could enjoy her life, enjoy things. And, as I say, the things that she buys she lends to museums in Freddie’s name. So, he’s still there, he’s still represented. I think that’s perfect.

PS: Our third topic is about Queen’s first tour in South America, as it was a very special one. What are your favourite memories about this one, if you can try to remember?

PF: The memory that sticks in the mind was the police escort that we had going back from the first show in Argentina. There are photographs all over the place, with John Deacon playing with the gun and them travelling in an armoured truck and that sort of stuff. That was something incredible. It’s something that you could tell your grandchildren you were there, it’s one of those things. The shows themselves were wonderful because Freddie was playing to the biggest audiences that he’d ever played to at that point. And he loved it, he loved being on the stage. The memories I have are more offstage than onstage. There was the very, very quick drive from the hotel to the airport after the show in Venezuela, because the president died that day and they were going to close the country down to go into state mourning. If the band and the set and everything were still there, we would never have been allowed to leave. There were no flights, there was nothing. So, we drove so, so fast through to get out before the lockdown happened there. It was amazing. And then, of course, there was Mexico, in Puebla where there was this old, old stadium. And the backstage, you just wouldn’t believe what was there. It was just broken down, old cement and concrete. No locks on doors. There was one toilet that we had to create a sign for, so when you went in you put “Engaged”, and when you came out you put “Vacant”. There was no lock on the door. And then, of course, that was where there was the problem with the crowd. The band didn’t know anything about, none of us did until afterwards. The reason that batteries and everything were thrown at them on the stage was because, apparently, before the fans could go in, the police took all the batteries out of recorders, cameras and everything, so none of the show could be recorded or filmed. But then when they were inside, the crowd could buy their batteries back. And the crowd thought that this was part of a deal with Queen and that’s why they started throwing stuff at them.

PS: Very extreme concerts, right?

PF: But when Freddie was on stage, he thoroughly enjoyed it. It really fulfilled his dreams.

PS: The fourth topic is: A lot of people ask you about Freddie, but we must remember that actually you were quite close with all Queen members. My question is about each of them. What are your special memories or stories? Let’s start with Brian.

PF: There’s a photograph. There was Brian, myself and Brian’s security. We were down by the pool. I cannot remember which hotel. I was lying on the grass in the sun and Brian was there and we were chatting. And then his bodyguard came and just sat on me. There’s a photograph of it on the internet. And Brian just sat there laughing. He just laughed and laughed and laughed, and didn’t do anything to help me.

PS: Any special memory about Roger in all those years with Queen?

PF: Again, this was in South America where he and I had a go-kart race, there was this amazing go-kart track near one of the cities. I was out there with Roger, there was a group of us out there. We had this amazing race. Because he loves cars, he’s always driving cars. He decided he was going to be champion go-kart driver. That was fun. All the things are fun that we did. John had the family with him [in South America] some of the time. I used to babysit his children. I think there were three boys at the time. There’s photographs round and about of me with John’s children playing around at the airport. I was there to make sure to keep an eye on them. The off-duty times were really good memories.

PS: The fifth topic. Freddie, in one of his interviews, said that he considered reading books not a very interesting activity. Could you please try to remember whether there was some certain book or books that had an important meaning for Freddie?

PF: In the twelve years I knew him, I never saw a book in his hand. He would read magazines, like Architectural Digest, because he just loved furnishing things inside the house, on the properties he owned. But I never really saw him reading a book. But, saying that, with the intelligence that he had, he must have read books. I think probably they are things that he learnt at school. He was very clever. I finished the boarding school at eleven, and he carried on until he was seventeen, so he probably would have learnt so much more that I did. But I never saw him with a book in his hand.

PS: In that case, could you please try to remember any theatre play or opera libretto that he liked because of the storyline or the characters?

PF: It started off as a play but then it was made into a film. He saw the play in London when they put it on. And it was called “The Women”. He found that fascinating. It was a comedy film about how women dealt with divorce and separation and love, and all that sort of thing. It was just very quick-witted. He loved everything. You had to listen carefully to understand the joke. In so many of these films, they do short, quick sentences. He would pay attention to those sort of things. That one he went to because he wanted to see the play. Most of the time, he went to see plays because of the people who were in it. His friends would invite him to a show. I bought the tickets and took him to see the play “Little Foxes” in New York, and not because he would be interested in the play or what’s going on, it was purely because Elizabeth Taylor was the star. A lot of the time, he went to these things because of who was in it rather than what it was.

PS: Was there any opera libretto that he liked the most because of the story or characters?

PF: Not specifically for story and characters, because anything that Montserrat could sing, he just loved listening to her voice. He didn’t have to know the story behind it. It’s just as well because in most operas you don’t understand the story, because this mother lost this son, he was taken away by someone else, or she stole another one, and then this son falls in love with this person but that’s his sister. You know, you really do not want to know the stories of operas, you just want to listen to them.

PS: Speaking about you, what are your favourite books and writers?

PF: It really depends on my mood at the time. Actually, I do quite like Stephen King, but not everything that he’s done. I mean, I like the general style of his writing, of his books. Operas, I have about 1,500 operas in mp3’s and on physical CD’s. And I will listen to one every day. It just really depends on the mood. Mainly things written by Rossini, Bellini, Donizetti and Verdi. The storyline is almost always the same, except if it’s based on a historic fact. It’s always a love story, sometimes it ends happily and other times she dies of consumption or she dies of something else. As I say, generally, you don’t pay attention to the words. I ask so many people, when they listen to a song for the first time, do they listen to the music or do they listen to the words? The vast majority of people listen to the music first. It’s the same with opera. He had to be able to read music, although he might say he couldn’t because he did those piano exams. You have to read music. But I don’t think he was so interested to actually pick up a school. He would not sit at the piano and play something from notes. That he couldn’t do, he just would create it himself.

PS: Speaking about Stephen King, as you mentioned him, do you like his book “The Shining” and the film with Jack Nicholson?

PF: Very good. That one I like very much. I like “The Shining”. I thought the book adaptation was actually very, very good. Another one that I like of his was “Salem’s Lot”; there is a miniseries made of that which actually reflected the book very, very well. Because Stephen King is involved with the films of his books most of the time, they tend to be much better versions of the books than so many films. So many films are supposed to be based on a book than have all of the director’s own ideas and what it should be like and everything else. So, when you look at the film, you actually wonder if you’re looking at the right film.

PS: Must agree with this. As a close friend of Freddie, as a writer yourself and as a book lover, here’s a special question: With whom could you compare Freddie amongst fictional characters from books?

PF: [laughs] Oh brother! There isn’t one. [laughs] Not in anything I’ve read that Freddie could compare with. I mean, maybe, there’s a little bit of Freddie in so many different characters. For example, Sir John Falstaff. I don’t remember which Shakespeare play he’s in, but he’s in a couple of operas. And just that character, I can see a bit of Freddie in there. Anything passionate I can see Freddie in. Anything with a love story in it, because that’s what he was always looking for. Anyone specific, no, I don’t think that exists. So, a book would have to be written around him.

PS: The next topic is: What was Freddie’s excitement like right before going on stage? Was he mostly visibly excited or otherwise calm and deep inside himself before the show?

PF: Really, most of the time when I was there with him getting ready for the show, there was always a rule that everybody, all friends and family had to be out of the dressing room at least half an hour before the show. They would have to sit in the guest room, so the band could, sort of, concentrate. In Freddie’s mind, there was no reason to panic because the show was going to happen whether he panicked or not. He was actually quite calm going into a show. He would pump himself up but on his own. He would just move his arms around and jump a little bit. And it wasn’t the excitement, it was just to get the body moving because he knew what he’d appear on the stage. His body would not stop moving for an hour and a half, two hours. He had to basically warm the body up a bit. Vocally, he would do a little bit of vocal exercises, but not specific exercises, he would just hit notes to try and place his voice, so he had some idea of what he was going to do that night. But there was no visible excitement. I suppose, perhaps, there was more excitement in South America than any other show that I was at, because of the size of the audience and because it was a first. Any of the shows they did in South America were a first, they’d never been done before. There was a bit of excitement because he didn’t know what was going to happen. When he was touring the normal America, Europe, it was things he’d done before, so he knew what to expect.

PS: Speaking about backstage before the concert, we can actually see you walking with Freddie in Los Angeles, and there we can also see Michael Jackson. Do you remember this show and Michael backstage with Freddie?

PF: Again, there’s pictures of it. That was more after the show where Freddie went into the guest room. They actually started in the dressing room, because nobody was allowed in the dressing room half an hour before and half an hour after while they got changed. But once they had come down from the show, a few special guests would be allowed into the dressing room, but then the band would go into the green room where all the artists and guests were. I remember seeing Freddie talking with Michael. It was just interesting for me to see these two who were at the peak of their performances, although they were so different but they were so similar. I know it sounds stupid, but that’s what I felt.

PS: What is your favourite memory of you and Freddie visiting Michael?

PF: There’s too many, I suppose. For me, it’s playing video games with Michael Jackson, because he had this big room where he had the arcade versions of video games. He just picked one and called Freddie and me over, and we were playing. There was this old-fashioned tennis thing. An oblong screen and on each side, you had a pedal that you moved up and down to hit the ball. We were playing that. It was wonderful. It was actually in Encino, the house before Neverland, the house that his mother lives in now. But, I suppose, the thing that I took away with me from that day was purely the fact that Michael didn’t treat me any differently than how he treated Freddie. Whatever happened in his life, whatever the truth is, the way that man treated me will stay with me all of my life because, as I say, it was no different at all from how he treated Freddie.

PS: He was very open to you, right?

PF: Yes.

PS: Speaking about the opposite of the before stage time, what was Freddie like after the concert? What was his mood mostly like?

PF: Mostly, he was up. In the dressing room, immediately after the show, there would be shouting and screaming for anything that went wrong. They always wanted to give a perfect show, and when they couldn’t it was hard. They would really get it out of their system. But once that had been done, he was generally always in a good mood. He just couldn’t wait to get out. I understand why he was out every night, because you cannot go to bed after a show like that, you’re just so full of adrenaline it just wouldn’t work.

PS: It’s like the second wave coming?

PF: Yeah. All the adrenaline that appeared during the stage show had to go somewhere, it doesn’t drain off in five minutes. That’s why he was out until four or five in the morning.

PS: At what time did Freddie usually go to sleep?

PF: It depends on what we were doing. I would think that average time would be between three and four.

PS: Three and four in the morning, right?

PF: Yeah. Sometimes he might go at two, and if he was in the studio, sometimes he might go to bed at six.

PS: How many hours did he usually sleep?

PF: He was usually awake by nine o’clock, so he would normally sleep for six or seven hours.

PS: Did he have any kind of repeated night dreams that he, maybe, told you about?

PF: No, nothing like that. He never told me anything. He would say he had a good night or a bad night but wouldn’t really go into description of dreams.

PS: You mentioned many times that your favourite Freddie song is “My Melancholy Blues.” Could you please try to describe why it is your favourite song?

PF: Yeah, because it’s so very, very different, because as soon as you mention the name Queen you automatically think of big harmonies, multilayered guitars, just huge songs. And this was just the total opposite. It’s just got a piano, a bass, a bit of drums and a voice. It’s all so partly autobiographical of Freddie’s party. He used to have so many parties, but in the end the party’s over, he would find someone else. The party doesn’t have to be a party with drinks and all the rest of it, it could just be a good time he had with someone. It’s just the total opposite of your classic Queen song. It’s just so quiet, it’s so personal.

PS: Could you please quote your favourite line from the lyrics?

PF: I suppose it has to be the opening line. “Another party’s over and I’m left stone cold sober.” It’s just Freddie, it sums up Freddie.

PS: Was he really a bit sentimental and sad when the real parties were over?

PF: Sentimental, maybe, but not sad, because most parties that he had were usually a success, so he would be happy and sentimental. The thing is, if that one’s over, there can always be a next one. There’s no need to be sad.

PS: What is your very, very first memory and image of Freddie when you first met him?

PF: Oh, that’s easy, I know exactly. He’s not very tall, is he? He was 175 cm and I was 187 cm. I looked down at him. You look, everybody imagines Freddie to be a giant because of the videos, because of the way he is on stage. He just looks huge. So many videos are shot from just a little bit looking upwards which makes him look taller. It was great, just looking at him and thinking, “He’s not tall.” His personality, his aura certainly made up for that, because he could walk into a room and every head would turn. They could feel Freddie Mercury had walked into the room.

PS: The very first moment you saw him, did he walk into the room or did you walk into the room where he already was?

PF: I walked into the room because he was already there talking with some friends. This was after the Royal Ballet Gala. And then he, sort of, looked, he wasn’t talking and looking around, and I just went to him and I just had to tell him how wonderful I thought the whole evening was. It wasn’t like he was this massive great superstar who I was scared of, because I’d been dealing with stars for the last four years and people who he considered were real big stars. He often used to say how proud he was of the fact that he took me away from the opera house where real big stars performed.

PS: What was his response to your comments about his show? What was your first conversation like?

PF: It was strange because I expected it to be rock’n’roll, rough, the way he talked on stage, but he was polite, he was a gentleman. That was all totally unexpected, because you expect a rock’n’roll star just to have the words ready on the end of his tongue for this and that. And the only reason that he spoke with me, because normally he would not speak to a total stranger, was because his friends were around him. One of them could easily have taken him away if he wasn’t happy. That’s all he needed. But then we started talking and it was it. I mean, it was just a three- or four-minute conversation, not a lot. As I say, from the very start, I could not be over how polite he was.

PS: So it was enough for him to spend, like, four or five minutes with you to later contact you and ask you to work with him on tour?

PF: Yes. As I say, whatever happened in those four or five minutes obviously worked because of that phone call a week later. I can imagine, he would be talking with Paul Prenter because they were going out on tour and they didn’t have anybody looking after their costumes because Dane had walked out. I can imagine him, “Look, I was talking to someone, he does costumes at the opera house for the ballet. Why don’t we try and call him?” I can imagine how it was because I know him and what he was like.

PS: As you mentioned Paul Prenter, was there anything good in Freddie’s relationship with him? Do you remember any good moments with Paul Prenter?

PF: He kept Freddie happy for a lot of the time. He kept Freddie company. Freddie was never alone when he was around. Paul was always there. But he’s got that bad reputation and all the rest of it, which sort of he’s deserved. He did care about Freddie.

PS: Concluding our final part, Freddie Mercury would have been 75 years old this year, but if we imagine Freddie was born, let’s say, in 1986 and if he was only 35 years old today in the year 2021, in our modern times, what do you think he would be like today?

PF: That’s so hard to say because life is so different. At that age, he would have grown up with computers. If things still carried on like they have done, I don’t think he would be happy because people don’t buy albums anymore, they don’t buy CD’s, they don’t buy physical, everything is “download.” Part of the joy for him was designing the album covers. He hated working at home, he refused to work at home. But nowadays you have to work at home and then take your music into the studio to get it mixed. I don’t think he would be really comfortable in this time. Because there’s no music like Queen have done, that doesn’t exist anymore. There are no bands who do things like that anymore. Or the bands that do, they are all in their 70s. His music would go nowhere. I also personally believe we are all here where we’re supposed to be. I think, if Freddie had a real big choice, he would have been born fifty years earlier because he was that sort of Victorian, Edwardian gentleman. He was a real gentleman. And that sort of existence wasn’t around when Freddie would have been able to enjoy it. But then, how many rock stars do you know that have had at one point the largest private collection of antique Japanese woodblock prints? That just isn’t rock’n’roll, is it?

PS: And if he was 75 this year, in his 70s, what would he be like today?

PF: He would be miserable because he never ever wanted to be old. As you get older, you cannot physically do what you used to do. A 70-year-old cannot, in the very, very best of health, do what a 30-year-old can do. It’s just physically impossible. That deterioration would have upset him so much.

PS: If Freddie could talk to the new generation, our present teenagers and young people of today, what would his message to them have been?

PF: The thing I always got from him was that he cared for others just as much as he cared for himself. He did not put himself first, above anybody else. He just wanted to treat everybody nicely. That’s what he was like. And I think that’s what he would try and tell people nowadays because that doesn’t exist very much either anymore. Because this now is a world of “me, me, me.”

PS: So his message, in general, would be something like “You should take care of each other more”?

PF: Take care of each other, yeah.

PS: And if he could talk to exactly Queen fans, what would his message be today?

PF: “Well, just carry on and enjoy the music.” Because that’s something that all the Queens fans did. They loved the music. They’re the ones who are keeping it going now and creating new fans. So many students say to me, “My mother and father were huge Queen fans.” It’s going through the generations. Freddie has been gone thirty years, but people are still listening to his music as much now as they ever did.

PS: And we all hope that people will continue to listen to his music.

PF: No reason why not. We still listen to Rimsky-Korsakov, we still listen to Mozart. And they’re long gone.

PS: And he will be remembered for thirty, fifty and more years.

PF: I remember, this was a few years ago, when it was Mozart’s 250th birthday or something. And I did an interview and I said it would not surprise me at all that if in two hundred years people would still listening to Queen music, as they were still listening to Mozart. Because good music carries on.

PS: Let it be this way in years to come.

SPECIAL THANKS TO VALUREX FOR CONTRIBUTION AND ASSISTENCE

[shewillreadyou]

Me before you: Chapter 5: Love on the Brain

A/N: This is a TRR AU. Liam is already married, but see’s Riley and wants his cake. Drake takes an interview and surprises Riley. Enjoy!

Disclaimers: Most characters are property of Pixelberry

Warnings: Language, adult content, sexual content, IF YOU ARE NOT 18 JUST DON’T. 🍋🍋🍋

Word Count: 4849

Catch up: 

Haven’t met you Yet  

For Real 

Excuse me Miss

It’s Getting Late

Prompts: None

Pairings: Drake & Riley

Song inspiration: Love on the Brain- Rihanna

Be Kind: Hit the heart button, leave a comment or reblog. It makes a writer so so happy.

There was a knock on his door as he moved around his room to pack for his weekend trip. “Come in,” he said with a raspy voice. It was one of the things she liked most about him. She wanted to hurt Liam, she wanted him to feel the way he had made her feel everyday for years, like she wasn’t enough.. When she stepped inside his room she closed and locked the door. She sauntered over to his bedpost where he looked to be packing a bag. “Carsyn, what’s up?”

She felt her nerves gather in the pit of her stomach. She needed to just say it before she lost her nerve. “Drake, you know that I have always had a thing for you.” He stopped what he was doing and looked at her incredulously. “Yeah right, you’re the queen of Cordonia. Why would you ever give me a second glance?” 

She moved around the post and let her baby blue robe slip off of one of her shoulders. “Why wouldn’t I? You are strong, loyal, brave, smart, and sexy. You seem like a man who has it all figured out.” He laughed humorlessly. “Carsyn, what can I do for you?” he asked. “Right, straight to the point,” she cleared her throat. “Drake, I just want to feel good, desired, like a woman. If you know what I mean.” He didn’t. “What does that have to do with me?” He was oblivious. She let the robe fall to the floor as she stood uncomfortably close to him. She ran her finger down his lips. “Fuck me, Drake.” 

He swallowed thickly as he took a step back. “Carsyn, that will never happen. You are my best friend's wife.” She pulled the ribbon that unlaced the front of her lace teddy exposing her breast. “Come on Drake, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Besides, Liam is a big boy.” She moved closer to him and he rolled over the top of the bed to put some space in between them. “Listen, Car, this is all very flattering. But really, I can’t. I have a girlfriend. I think you should go.” She rounded the bed grasping his strong arms. “All that proves is that you like sistas. What does she have that I don’t?” He couldn’t believe this was happening. He was sure he was being pranked. “Uh, my heart. I’m a one woman man Carsyn.” She pouted. He passed her robe to her and walked over to open his door. “Bye Carsyn.” With an exasperated huff she made her exit. 

     Drake put his ear buds in and closed his eyes. The 747 took off smoothly and before he knew it he was in the air. He was on the way home, to the States, to her. It had only been a few days but he missed her like crazy. He wasn’t ready to show his hand to Liam quite so soon. He had thoroughly impressed Robert from DHS. They called him back the next day. They wanted a second in person interview with him on Friday. After a conversation with Bianca, he agreed to come back under the guise of Bianca being sick. He only packed casual clothes and planned to shop for something to wear to the interview when he arrived. He had told her about the video interview but didn’t mention the in person interview. He wanted to surprise her. They had spoken on the phone, texted, or video call everyday since he’d left. He took a redeye, timing it perfectly so that he could text her to say goodnight right before she laid down. He hoped she wouldn’t get suspicious when he didn’t text her first thing in the morning. 

When he landed he noticed that he had several missed texts from her. 

He responded while he waited for his Mom. He only ever packs a carry on. He figured he’d be back on a plane for Cordonia by Sunday night. He rolled his luggage to the curb when he saw her blue Chevy Silverado approaching. She would take him back to the ranch and then he would be able to drive into the city to surprise Riley. He was happy to see his Mom. Their relationship had grown so much closer the older he got. She was still the same ole Bianca though, she wanted to know when he would settle down, get married and give her some grandbabies. 

“Mom, you have Bartie. Besides, if Riley and I get married she might not want kids right away. So you are just going to have to be patient.” 

Riley started her day listening to voicemails and checking emails after grabbing her coffee from the coffee shop in the lobby of her office building. She had a couple of conference calls and a marketing meeting about the  new handbag account she was leading. Her morning was routine by all accounts until she returned from the restroom to find an edible arrangement on her desk. 

She pulled a note from the pick and it read:

I REALLY MISS YOU,

But probably not as much as you miss me. I’m pretty fucking amazing.

-Drake

She smiled from ear to ear as she plucked a pineapple flower from the arrangement. She picked up her phone as she settled into her plush desk chair to text her thanks. This time he responded immediately.  Maybe she was really in her head. Maybe her friends were right. She was really trying to convince herself that they were moving too fast and maybe subconsciously trying to create some space in between them. It would be easier to push him away. It was her most toxic trait. But it was different this time. Being with him felt different. It just felt right. 

He roamed the aisles of Jos A. Banks. It’s where Riley had suggested when he said he needed a new suit. They looked at the website before he had left for Cordonia and she thought that he would look great in a blue suit, so blue it was. Maurice, a clearly fashion forward gentleman helped him and he was able to get rushed alterations. He left the store with a Kenneth Cole navy blue herringbone slim fit suit, white dress shirt and several ties. He knew that the tie could make or break his look. He wasn’t big into image but he knew that it mattered in this circumstance. For some reason he felt lucky around Riley and he thought she should be the one to make the decision about which tie he wore.

He glanced at the gunmetal fossil watch on his wrist and noticed that he had just enough time to swing by the florist and make it over to her office. He had never gotten her flowers before and wanted these to be special. Maybe moving forward flowers from the supermarket would be acceptable, but not today. She got his edible arrangement earlier today and had sent him a text to say thanks. She didn’t suspect a thing. He’d hoped that she would be as happy to see him as he was to see her. He’d left in such a haste before that it had been constantly on his mind. 

“That will be $124.83,” the bubbly blond squeaked from behind the counter. 

He quickly paid before retreating to his Jeep. His Mom would have a fit if she knew how much he spent on the same flowers he probably could have gotten for $40 down at the Kroger. He shrugged off the thought as he pulled into traffic. His phone rang and he sent it to voicemail when he saw Bastien’s number. He was off the clock and did not want to concern himself with the crown at the moment. He had 28 minutes before she would be off work. He drove through an automatic car wash before taking a couple minutes to dry him off. Jax. It’s what he called his Jeep. It made him feel connected to his late father. When it was all clean and shiny he hopped in and headed to her office. He had driven by earlier and noticed that her car was parked in front of the building instead of inside the parking structure. This meant that she was running late this morning. He smirked as he maneuvered into the parking space directly in front of the door. He ran his fingers through his chocolate mane, used breath spray and the cologne he stashed in the glove box. He rolled down the window and played Bruno Mar’s, “Just the way you are” on repeat. He walked around to the passenger door to retrieve the roses from the front seat before leaning against the vehicle and waiting for her to appear. 

He saw her before she saw him. She looked like a goddess. She was wearing a pink 2 piece suit with pink pumps. She was talking to her assistant, Lexi when Lexi spotted Drake. He held the roses up to conceal his face before he thought to himself, “what am I doing? She is going to recognize the Jeep.” Lexi touched Riley’s arm before she motioned to Drake. She froze. He would give anything to know what she was thinking at that moment. He wanted to run to her and gather her in his arms but he decided to play it cool. When she gathered herself she hurried out the revolving doors before pausing. “Couldn’t stay away, huh?” Clearly, she was trying to play it cool too. They both burst out into a fit of laughter. “What can I say? Maybe I missed my girlfriend.” He handed her the roses. Before she could say thank you he tugged her close and took her mouth in a desperate kiss. The roses laid securely in the crook of her arm, her free hand found its way under his shirt. When he broke the kiss she was breathless. When she could speak again she simply said, “my place.”

He walked her to her car and opened the door for her. Once she was inside she rolled the window down. “I’ll beat you there,” he challenged. “You sure?” she smirked and he leaned inside to sweetly kiss her lips. He was sure that the route she took home added a few minutes to her commute. He got to her place before she did. He was waiting at her door when she approached. She bit her bottom lip and looked at him with hooded eyes as she undid the button on her blazer. His length stiffened and his eyes went wide when he realized that she wasn’t wearing anything underneath. “You know I let you win, right?” He looked around and made sure no one else was watching before he pulled her close attempting to cover her nakedness before he took her keys from her hand and fumbled through opening the door. 

Once inside she jumped into his arms wrapping her legs around his waist. Riley kissed his neck as he panted,”slow down il mio amore. You have me all night. Let me take care of you,” he said as he lifted her petite frame onto her quartz countertop. She shivered, head lolled back with her eyes clenched tightly. Her body quaked when he ran his hands down her legs to remove her strappy heels. He peppered her with kisses from her feet to the inside of her thighs. White heat pooled in her center as she twitched with anticipation. His strong hands flanked her hips, sliding her thong off. He pecked her thigh and looked up at her with a teasing smirk knowing exactly what she wanted him to do. He could feel the heat radiating from her center. He stopped and her eyes sprung open. It was unbelievable how ready she was. They had an undeniable connection. Her body was responding to him like it never had to anyone else.

He slipped her blazer off and tossed it over his shoulder before Riley reached for him pulling his white t-shirt over his head. She drank in his chiseled chest with hooded eyes and began to blush furiously. “What?” Drake said in a low raspy tone. “This is happening.” He smiled at her, “Oh, hell yeah, this is definitely happening,” he said as he kissed from her tummy up to her breast. She ran her fingers through his hair watching for a reaction when he saw the stretch marks on her waist hips and tummy. He didn’t seem to care. He took her stiffened nipple into his mouth. Noticing the apprehension on her face. “What’s up?” he asked before he went back to sucking the other breast. “Nothing, everything is perfect.” He moved back down her stomach as he threw her leg over his shoulder. “Good.”

He spread her thighs and plunged his tongue into her center. “Drake!” she screamed, caught off guard by the sudden movement. “Oh my God!” she belted as his tongue and fingers worked in tandem. “I’m gonna..ohhh shit Drake!” Her voice echoed in the large apartment. “Do it!” He encouraged her. He used his free hand to unbuckle his belt and pants, freeing himself. He stroked himself as his pants slipped around his ankles. He kicked them off as he pulled her to the edge of the counter. “What are you--” she quickly figured it out. He rubbed the head against her entrance and she gasped. “Fuck, go slow,” her suspicions were correct. Not only was it not small but it was easily the biggest she had encountered. 

“Relax, you’re definitely ready.” He wrapped his arms around her waist lifting her before slowly impaling her. He grunted as she stretched around him. He thrust several times before pinning her against the wall. “Raye, we have to change positions. You’re so fucking tight, I’m not going to last.” He walked her over to the living room draping her over the arm of the couch on her side. “I told you it’s been a while.” Drake rested her leg on his torso as he entered her again. She noticed that he was going even deeper in this position and moved up a bit. “Are you scared?” She was. “No,” she lied. “Then, stop running from me,” Drake said gravelly as he picked up speed. “You could have told me you know,” she whimpered as she whined her hips. “Oh, you knew,” he quipped.

He pulled out, “what are you doing?” He easily lifted her body and re-positioned her on the couch. “On your knees,” he demanded. “No, you sit.” He liked that idea even better. He sat on her couch stroking himself as she straddled him. She slowly settled on top, guiding him into her. He hissed when they connected. She began to bounce on his lap and his eyes sparkled as he watched her perfectly perky breast slap against her torso. He took her breast into his mouth as pure pleasure coursed through her body. Their bodies were sticky with sweat and she screeched every time he thrusted roughly into her. They heard a loud thumping on the wall before he placed his hand over her mouth to muffle the screams. She bit his hand, and he pulled it away. “I can be quiet,” she said as electric pleasure shot through her body. “Sure you can.” She began to contract around him as he grabbed her waist to slow the tempo. “Shit, Raye. I’m close.” They finished together with one final scream. They cuddled for a while in silence before Riley spoke. 

“That was...well damn. I’m famished.” She rose, going to the kitchen before tossing him a cold water from the fridge. I took out some chicken but only one breast. Drake joined her approaching from behind opening the freezer to check out their options. “I have shrimp. That thaws quickly.” He snaked his arm around her waist, kissing her neck. “Let me cook. Relax, you worked all day.” She turned to him, noticing that he was erect again. “Are you sure you can cook like this?”  He smirked. She stroked him, he twitched and hardened in her hand before she fell to her knees and took him into her mouth.  

Later

Drake prepared a decadent pasta dish with shrimp and chicken before they showered and headed to bed. As her head lay upon his chest he ran his fingers through her hair. She listened to his heartbeat and felt comforted by his breathing. “What was that look about earlier?” he asked quietly. She lifted her head to look at him. “What do you mean?” He shifted to look her in the eyes. “You looked nervous. You said everything was perfect but your eyes said something else.” She closed her hazel eyes and took a deep breath. “Yeah, that. So, I know it’s a little late for this, but I forgot to eat my birth control this morning.” He went pale as a ghost. “Jesus fucking Christ, Raye!” She started cackling at his response. “I was joking, I have an IUD. I’m sorry babe, I was trying to lighten the mood.” He exhaled. “You are trying to give me a fucking heart attack.” “Oh, no kids, noted. I looked like that because I used to be a bit bigger than I am now and when I lost the weight… well, I have stretch marks you know. I didn’t know how you would respond.”

 “Il mio amore, I don’t care about that. You are breathtaking. Don’t worry about that. A real man wouldn’t worry about stretch marks, and I absolutely want kids, but after I’m married.” A soft smile spread across her face. “He wants to be married and have kids. Check and check,” she thought to herself. She wanted to ask him about that before but didn’t want to scare him off. She also didn’t want to get into a committed relationship with someone who didn’t want to have children.

“But Raye, while we are communicating there was something I needed to talk to you about. Something happened and I want to be upfront about it.” Her blood ran cold. She leaned back to look him in his eyes. “I’m listening,” she said in a brittle voice. 

He could see the tears forming in her eyes. “Carsyn came to my room to seduce me before I left.” She felt instantly nauseous. Was this all a mistake? Did she just give him her precious gift for him to turn out to be the very thing that made her cautious in the first place? Did he wait until after so that he could score before breaking her heart? Her thoughts raced. She was not even sure she heard the rest of what he said. When she was able to focus again she uttered, “did you sleep with her?” in a defeated voice. “What? Fuck no! Absolutely not. I wouldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t do that to Liam. She’s hurt and lonely and confused.” Riley gasped for air. She didn’t even realize that she was holding her breath. Drake wrapped his strong arms around her, reassuring her that she was safe with him. That he would handle her heart with care. She was relieved. She felt like she could breathe again. 

When she thought about it logically and took the emotions out, she couldn’t imagine that he returned Carsyn’s affections. He didn’t have to tell her. He is not her past. He could be trusted. She quickly went to the kitchen. He sprung from bed following, to find her in the  liquor cabinet where she poured a tumbler full of bourbon. She swallowed it in one gulp. “You ok Raye?” She looked at him thoughtfully, “yes, I just need a moment. But tell me this, is it the first time this has happened? Like has she made a pass at you before?” 

He moved to the couch pulling her into his lap. “No, it’s the one and only time that it’s happened. I shut her down and put her out of my room.” She was quiet for a moment as she twirled his hair around her fingers. “Wait, then why are you here? You never said, did you quit?” her eyes lit up with hope. 

“No, I didn’t quit.” She deflated.  “I have an interview with the Department of Homeland Security in the morning. Actually, I need you to pick my tie. “Drake!!! That’s awesome. Her voice boomed excitedly. There was another thump on the wall. “Fuck off!” Riley yelled. “That’s my girl,” Drake laughed. “What time is your interview?” He stood and pulled his shirt back over his head. “11 am.” He looked around the room. “What are you doing?” Riley asked. “Where are my shoes?”

She lowered her head and bit her bottom lip. “Raye? Do you know where my shoes are?” he asked in a husky tone. She didn’t answer; she smiled at him and nodded her head. He tackled her, pinning her to the couch. “Drake!” she squealed. He nipped at her neck before kissing her sweetly under her ear. “What have you done with my shoes?” he growled.

“Don’t laugh at me. I’m emotional right now. But I hid them. I figured you couldn’t leave me again if you didn’t have shoes.” 

“Il mio amore, you know I have to leave eventually, right? But, also know that I don’t want to leave.”

She pointed to his shoes, they were on the balcony. “I know, but do you have to go right now?” 

“Raye, I was just going down to my truck to get my bag. I’ll stay here with you all weekend if you want.” He untangled himself from her and moved towards the balcony to retrieve his shoes. 

“Yes please,” she could hardly believe she’d have him all weekend. “I called into work on Monday. So, I have to go in tomorrow. I pushed my Monday meetings until tomorrow. But I can wrap up early. “You don’t have to do that. I am sure I can keep myself busy, I will go see my Mom and maybe take my favorite girl to lunch,” he smirked as he headed out the door. 

She closed her hazel eyes and tilted her head backward and took several cleansing breaths. She’d say a prayer that Drake got the job. She was still getting to know him but she was pretty sure he was it for her. She only hoped he felt the same way. She would have never thought that she would fall so hard and so quickly. But there she was, sitting on the verge of a panic attack at the thought of him leaving again.

He let himself back into the apartment rescuing her from getting lost in her own thoughts. He had his rolling bag, a garment bag and a shopping bag. “There is room in my guest room closet,” she took his rolling bag into her bedroom. “You, uh have a lot of clothes. When I move in you’ll have to make space for me,” he joked. Her heart warmed at the thought and for a moment she wondered how it would be to have him there all the time. “Do I need to try on the whole suit for you to pick the tie?” he yelled from the guest room. She entered the room to find him standing with his belt unbuckled, his jeans hanging low on his waist. She leaned against the door frame admiring him. He turned to her, holding up 5 different ties. “Navy with white diagonal stripes.” she could picture him confidently entering the interview. 

“Wait!” She disappeared into her bedroom. When she returned she was holding a small black box. “Here, these are for you. I was going to wait until you formally accepted the position, but they would be the perfect finishing touch tomorrow. He opened the box to find a set of Gold Christian Dior cufflinks.

 “Gee, thanks Raye. But these look expensive.” She smirked, “of course they were. I can’t have my man walking around in cheap ass cufflinks.” They both laughed before she admitted to getting a deal on them.     

After laying out his suit, shirt, tie, socks and shoes, they headed back to her bedroom where she watched him strip down to only his boxer briefs. She bit her bottom lip as he pulled his shirt over his head noticing the deep V that disappeared into his jeans. 

She thought to herself, if she took away the clear physical attraction, would they have enough to make a go and a real long lasting committed relationship? She thought that now was as good of time as any to bring it up. “Drake?” she said innocently. “Yeah Raye?” He settled into bed next to her, his Sauvage by Dior cologne wafting in the air. “You smell great,” she smiled shyly. “Thanks, but that’s not why you called my name, I know it.” She smiled thinking of how well he seemed to know her already. She also couldn’t think of the last time she had smiled this much. 

“You’re right. I didn’t want to bring it up so soon, but do you think you’d be up for talking about where you see this relationship going, or at least your hopes, desires?” she asked as she nuzzled into his side. He cleared his throat. “Well, I honestly was waiting on you to ask. I didn’t want to scare you off. I think since Liam got hitched, my family, our friends have been expecting me to settle down. I always thought I’d settle down when I met the right person. I thought it would be in the future, like years from now. I never thought that I would meet my person in the States. I assumed I’d be in Cordonia forever.” 

“And now…” 

“Now, I can’t really imagine life without you. I want to be where you are. Raye, tell me, honestly, if I get this position, I mean my Mom is here and my business is mostly here. I could personally check on my investment properties, but that is all a bonus. The biggest part of why I’d take it would be so that I can be here with you. Is that what you want? Should I move back to the States?”

“Drake, I would like nothing more. I had Wyatt put in a good word for you. I have to be honest. I want to get married, and start a family. Like soon. Does that scare you?”

“No, well how soon were you thinking?” he asked as he gently stroked her bare arm.

“I don’t know. I never thought I would meet anyone who would be worth giving myself to for the rest of my life. You have been a breath of fresh air. But, I am getting older. Maybe married in the next year or two, kids almost immediately after. How many kids do you want, Drake?”

“Uh maybe 3 or 4.” 

Her eyes widened in shock. She choked on her saliva and started to cough.

“Are you ok?” 

“Yeah, that’s a big family.”

“I know. It’s always just been Sav and I and I always thought it would be fun if we had a couple more siblings.”

She was floored. She knew that she wanted to be with Drake and if it meant a big family she was sure that she would get used to the idea. She only ever considered 2 children because she never wanted to struggle to take care of them. She never considered that her partner would be wealthy in his own right.   

“I mean, I guess. So, back to you taking this job as DHS? Where would you live? On the ranch with your Mom?”

“That would probably make sense financially, but it would be an hour of driving everyday.”

“You could move in with me,” she blurted. She immediately regretted her words. “He is going to think I am rushing him,” she thought.

“Well, I was going to say I could start looking for places nearby, but if you don’t feel like it would be too much… I mean I don’t want to impose. I would cover the rent and utilities.”

“I don’t need you to do that. But thank you.” 

“I know that you are an independent woman and that’s hot and everything, but if we are talking about marriage, you are going to have to let me lead. We can make decisions together, but I won’t have you taking care of me financially.” His voice was calm and low but authoritative. She had never been with a man who wanted to take care of her. It turned her on. She straddled him and sweetly kissed his lips. “Is this happening? Am I dreaming? Are we talking about moving in together and getting married?” He smiled against her lips. “This is happening.” 

They made love again and she fell asleep in his arms for the first time and she couldn’t wait until it was her reality every night.

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