#i have a bandaid on my thumb i cannot type

[literallyimthenerdemoji]

i think im really funny actually

[milkweedman]

managed to fuck up my wrist to the point that i can pop the radius back into place but it just comes right back out as soon as i stop putting tons of pressure on it. also it hurts so bad :/

have caught myself genuinely considering breaking my wrist several times now so that i can get some kind of treatment or medication for it. bc the baby tylenol level shit that pain management gives me is um. literally not doing a single goddamn thing. as always.

[gardenhotspot]

b just sent me these pics. .lmfao

[fakeloveaskblog]

['Kay, let's! (Thumbs up) Don't worry, it's easy to forget that kinda stuff.]

A'right. *makes candy cigarette out of thin air and gives it to Remus* Just so we're clear? I don't mind that you were in rehab at any point. Also, you factually cannot start rumours with me; who would even tell? Karen from HR?

As for the thing at the party: It isn't pretty, but if you want to remember that badly, then I can… I don't think saying it is going to cut it actually, Remus, not really. But I can't… yeah, no, won't make you watch that again, so saying it will have to cut it actually.

I'll give you the barebones of what went down—like ripping off a bandaid.

Remy was at the party, you remember that part, right? They went there with their… awful boyfriend, Virgil, who was the one who blocked them from contacting you.

A very much drunk Janus decided to talk to them, accidentally revealed he knew their name (and thus knew them) and said awful boyfriend proceeded to… *deep breath* freak out and abuse them in front of everyone in the room, and also hit Janus when they tried to stop him. Last Janus saw he was drunk driving but, while I can't say they got there safely or… unscathed, Remy did make it "home" I guess. They're still in need of help though, which I hope they get. Do you remember now? (It's okay if you don't, trauma can be like that.)

The candy cigarette landed in Remus' palm. He held it up and pretended it was a person's head as he bit into it.

"Oooh snazzy taste" He sent you a bright smile "See? I'm eating it, with my mouth! Me and Rowan are going to the doctor to get the ng tube removed next week!"

He let up into a toothy laugh at your joke. At the same time his shoulders relaxed.

"I dunno dude. I'd just thought demons kinda had giant gossip orgies or something" He scratched at the back of his head, a small smile was on his lips "Thanks for uh not thinking anything of my uhm rehab stay. That....Those months of my life were just a whole mess so I sometimes get nervous about people judging me for them"

Remus sat down on the hood of the car and crossed his legs in anticipation of hearing you retell what had happened at the party. He continued to chew on the candy cigarette. The chewing slowly stopped and the small smile slowly disappeared from his lips as you spoke, and as he remembered.

There was a vacant look in his eyes as he stared at you. You finished your message. Remus moved his hand up to his cheek and realized he was crying.

"I- I'm sorry-" He looked at the tears that had fallen onto his fingertips "I- I have no idea why I'm crying. I've never- it's not like I've ever been yelled at in a club-"

He buried his face in his hands and didn't speak for a while.

"....so....janus...was bleeding because of virgil..." He mumbled "and....and remy has me blocked because of...him"

He wiped away the tears but his arms stilled in the air after that. For about a minute he was still, only staring forward. His eyes went a bit hazy. Even when he moved again the motions were sudden and jerky, like a malfunctioning animatronic.

"sorry. might be. might be dissociating. its. its very. its okay"

It was silent for a bit longer before he continued.

"....yelling was...very rude...it was very rude of virgil...very....i dont...i dunno if it was abusive...yelling is very....though..its just that..."

Os had never been the type to yell. It was always the looks, the muttered (or worse, whispered) words or bitter laughs that had made Remus feel small.

But he did recognize getting grabbed by the wrist, nails piercing the skin, and getting dragged away against his will. He did recognize every one of his words being ignored or cut off when he'd tried to talk back (sometimes he’d been too high to speak. Too high to realize what was going on). He did recognize the insults, even if they had been hushed, that he was stupid, that he- everything about him- was messed up, that he was a-

He did recognize getting isolated from- from everyone really. But it had never been forced. Never blocking numbers or insulting people. Just low murmurs into his ears whenever he talked to someone else. About how they probably found him annoying, grating, disturbing, gross, a waste of time. Until he willingly turned the person away.

"...but that wasn't abu- it wasnt..." He mumbled.

Was it the yelling? Was that the thing that drove it over the edge. Every time he tried to think about Virgil as being abusive the fuzziness in his head got worse. The implications of it hurt. His brain wouldn't allow it.

"....sorry...sorry....just having a headache......i hope remy is okay...even if it wasnt..or it was...or...ow....i can go with janus to the therapy doctor sorry i mean words are so scrambled. to the therapist...on...on uhm...the wednesday i think.....hopefully i can ask if remy is okay then...but it couldnt have been...That....couldnt have..."

Remus shook his head and moved his hands around in kind of choppy flaps to stim some of the fuzziness away. He quickly checked his phone before standing up.

"It hehe it seems...like....like..rowan has forgotten about me. she usually texts when i can come up into the into the apartment....no message....so...so i will go on walk and buy some breakfast and then i will be fine. hopefully i find bottles to destroy or i bang my head so hard to music my brain explodes"

He chewed on the candy cigarette while pulling on his jacket. He gave you a quick glance.

"dont worry. i know how to handle the dissociation....walking helps......i...i hope remy is okay"

[readerficsbyhyaku]

Blank Slate (Kazumichi Irie x Reader - Soulmate AU) Part 1

summary

You do not remember anything about who you are and what you did, and your memories start the moment you are taken in by Sybil’s forces, as an exception. Your Crime Coefficient cannot be measured, yet your hue can. Locked up like an Enforcer, you work as a consultant for the Criminal Investigations Department inside of the Public Security Bureau.

In this society where a complex neuro-psychological system rules the people, there exists a mystery that it cannot solve - soul marks. You were to meet the new team of Investigators and Enforcers when fate falls upon you. How will you react to something the system never accounted for in the first place ?

author’s note

I couldn’t find any fics with my baby Irie so… Here’s my try at writing one. It will be bad, since i don’t know how to write anymore, but here is my attempt at *plot*. Yeah, that and two stupid cliché ideas fused together because why not ? Hope you enjoy !

There WILL BE SPOILERS for Psycho Pass s3 so be warned !

You woke up to a voice in your room. It was your AI assistant, like everybody had nowadays.

« It’s 7 o’clock and we are Monday, your hue is Coral Pink and the weather will be sunny today ! »

Not that it mattered very much to you, since you couldn’t really go out.

« You have an appointment at 8 o’clock today with Division 1, in the Public Security Bureau’s offices. Don’t be late ! » the voice chirped again.

You sat up and rubbed your eyes to get most of the fatigue out. You weren’t used to getting up this early. At least, not anymore. It’s been a while since you’ve been sollicited by the Bureau, even though you were living inside the NONA tower. Jumping out of bed, you remove your clothes and proceed to take a shower to further clear your mind.

« Your energetic intake yesterday was 2000 kilocalories. I recommend a breakfast adding up to 280 kilocalories ! »

« Make it 300 » you mumbled, rubbing your scalp with shampoo. « And i want eggs, bacon, salad, french toast flavours in it. And coffee »

If your assistant could’ve judged you, they would have. You knew you needed to eat something solid before going to meet with the inspectors and whatnot. Some cases were nastier than others, and even though you doubted to be consulted that early on, it never hurt to be prepared. You had encountered a few unpleasant surprises before.

You ate your machine-made breakfast while still drying your hair and body, then went up to the mirror to dress up. There, you saw the bandaid covering your soul mark was peeling off. With a sigh, you rip it off neatly and fetch a new one, your eyes barely lingering on the name there. You didn’t really… care for it. As far as you remember you always had it, on the left side of your torso, on your ribs. Soul marks were not something Sybil could explain, yet it had to deal with them, because it couldn’t get rid of them.

Numerous studies had shown that Psycho-Passes could affect each other via soul marks, and deteriorate. Other studies showed that soulmates that were together had lighter hues, and could recover from clouded Psycho-Passes. So all in all, Sibyl recommended you find your soulmate, and there were a few methods to do so. You could search their name, since it was written onto you. They could also make a check to see if two people’s hues followed the same patterns, but considering area stress and about a ton other factors, it wasn’t a reliable way.

You hadn’t searched for your soulmate, or read any info about them, or even accepted Sybil’s services to find them. You figured it would only hurt you more to know who they were, or weren’t, since you didn’t have the freedom to meet with them.

You covered the name with another bandaid, the cream color a bit off from your skin. You didn’t need to cover it, but you felt better not having someone’s name branded there, like you belonged to them. But even with it covered, you knew what name it was. It had been impossible for you to evade the sight of your own body for so long, and when you caved in and read, you only felt about as lost as before. It was just a name. It’s not like you could guess what type of person was behind it.

The clock showed it was 10 minutes before your appointed meeting, so you dressed up quickly in a pair of thighs, formal shorts, a dress shirt and a vest. Right before exiting, you slipped inside a pair of black combat boots. The door slided, locked behind you and you headed towards the upper floors, where the meeting was held.

You arrived in the office, and everybody was there, or at least you assumed so. You were 7 in total so there must have been 4 Enforcers, and 2 inspectors. Excluding Karanomori Shion, whom you already knew, and Shimotsuki Mika the chief inspector. You greeted everybody with a curt nod, bracing yourself for the exclusion, and reminding yourself to not get attached to any one of them, especially the Enforcers. They had a bad tendency to get killed here, and you didn’t want to relive that. You had seen a few other generations of the division one staff, and only a few left unscathed, if you could even call it that way.

“Now that everybody’s here, I’d like to present myself and my colleague. His name is Kei Mikhail Ignatov, and I’m Arata Shindo. We’re very excited to work with you !”

The shorter of the two men was the one who spoke, his yellowish eyes glittering underneath his fluffy brown hair. He looked so… innocent. The other inspector named Kei was taller, sported a short cut of black hair and felt definitely colder… Especially with those blue eyes. What an odd duo, you thought to yourself.

The Enforcers then decided to say their names. The only other woman from the lot was Kisaragi Mao, and the timid-looking red haired boy stuttered out a “Hinakawa Sho, pleasure to meet you”. The older, white-haired man said he was Todoroki Temma, and pointed his thumb toward a grumpy-looking tall man with a goatee and an earring. You already felt like these two were troublemakers, and you sighed internally.

“And this guy’s name is Kazumichi Irie”

What

A loud buzzing noise had overcome everything else when you heard the name. Your mind was reeling, you knew that name, you knew that name ! You felt engulfed in a fog, everything veiled around you but that, and that loud, shrill sound in your ears. Heat rushed to your head, numbness to your body, and a physical pang of pain to your gut.

All the members of the first division were looking at you, expecting you to maybe say your name and present yourself, but you were too stunned to do so. Simultaneously, their watches activated and warned them.

“Attention, a hue is degrading quickly in your vicinity. It has exceeded authorized values. Please take action.”

The ringing in your ears became unbearable, and with a quick “excuse me” you rushed out of the office towards your room.

A few instants later, a call came in from Karanomori to one of the inspectors, and addressed everybody present.

“Sorry about that, she’s a bit special. I’ll do the presentations for her since she couldn’t.”

She pitched in your name with a drag of her cigarette.

“The alert is normal, as I said, she’s a bit weird. She’ll tell you more if she want to, but basically she’s confined like Enforcers are. She’s not a criminal per se, but her Crime Coefficient cannot be measured.”

Eyes widened in the room at that revelation.

“Her hue can be measured, as indicated by the alert, but it fluctuates a lot and usually settles in the clear tones, so no worries. She’s just an oddball and Sybil decided to keep her close because of that. She also has Mentalist abilities, so feel free to ask her for help about your ongoing cases.”

Behind her screen, Shion sighed again. Why were you letting her do all the hard work ? You’d have to repay her for that.

Back into your room, you frantically undressed and ripped the bandaid you so carefully and casually applied earlier, this time scrutinizing your mark in the mirror. Studying each letter, you compared it to the name you were just given and there was no doubt left. It was the same name. Fear, dread and anguish washed over you as the information settled in, like a stone in your gut.

“Of all people he had to be an Enforcer, of all people he had to be an Enforcer !”

You held your head in your hands and wanted to curl into a ball. Way to make first impressions too…

Feeling a bit cold, you put on the oversized sweater you wore during the weekend and laid on your bed, retracting under the covers. Why now ? Who is he ? Did you really want to know ? A myriad of questions rushed into your mind, until you managed to calm down a bit and popped your head back outside of the confines of your duvet. You checked your hue and yep, it was definitely darker. You let out a sigh and thought about the whole situation. What a shock, to hear that name out of all of names. As if sensing your unease, the marking on your ribs itched a bit, reminding itself to you in a way it had never before.

Your watch buzzed and you took the call, it was from Shion.

“What are you doing ? I had to present you to the new inspectors myself. God, what happened ?”

“Yeah sorry, I was feeling kinda shy meeting the new team” you lied “I’ll tell them I’m sorry tomorrow”

“Tomorrow ?!” Shion’s voice screeched at you “There is a case today, and if you’re not in my lab in 30 minutes to hear about it I’ll send someone drag you there !”

Gosh, she wasn’t cutting you any slack.

“Please ? I’d risk clouding their hues with mine” you pleaded, showing the crimson indicator for your mental state. The analyst narrowed her eyes.

“You know as well as I do that your hue fluctuates a lot because of your emotions. So either you tell me what was really the problem” she took a drag of her cigarette “or it was just a temporary stress and you’ll handle just fine in 30 minutes” she ended with a smile.

Defeated, you grumbled an “Okay” and ended the call. You didn’t really have a choice, did you ? You didn’t want to tell anyone about your soulmate. You didn’t even want to admit it yourself ! But for the sake of Shion and the trouble you had given her all those past years and today, you crawled out of your bed and prepared to go out, again.

[unowritingabroad]

Not sure what to pack? Here's a handy guide.

(Contributed by Christy Lorio)

One of the perks of this program is that we get to live in Ireland for a month (!!!) while we study and write. Packing for such a long trip can be daunting. How do you know what to bring, what to leave at home, and what to buy when you’re here? A few students share their tips for figuring out the art of packing.

Which items did you bring from home that you’re glad you did and why?

Christy: I brought enough underwear to last me 15 days so I don’t have to laundry as often. I’m an avid roller skater so I brought my skates with me. At 7.5 pounds they were definitely a splurge item in terms of airplane weight limits but it’s so much fun to skate around Fitzgerald Park.

Corey: A bottle opener, a laundry bag, earplugs (for nights at the pub when the band is a little too loud but you don’t want to leave), battery pack (so you can charge your phone or other device on the go), Kindle (takes up very little space in your luggage and you don’t have to worry about any new books you buy while abroad taking up even more space in your luggage).

Anna: Bandaids. Great for blisters when you’re first getting used to walking around as much as we do.

Sofia: Reusable tote bag (no free bags at stores here), a neck pillow because there is only one pillow in the dorm, comfy shoes because we walk like 6-10 miles each day, a notebook and pens so I didn’t have to buy them here.

Cam: I’m glad I brought some cold medicine with me, but I still ended up having to buy more when I started to get a sore throat. It’s good to have some with you so you don’t have to buy a whole pharmacy here in case you start feeling sick. I also wish I’d packed more protein bars as they don’t have the type I like here and what they do have is very expensive. I’m glad I brought a mini speaker with me as well.

Michelle: A portable charger to keep taking pictures on outings.

Which items did you bring with you that you wish you didn’t and why? 

Christy: I wish I would have brought less workout clothes. I walked over 54 miles last week alone so I don’t feel the need to workout as much while I’m here. I also brought a bluetooth speaker that I cannot get to sync with my computer. It’s lightweight but I wish I would have tested it at home first before I came.

Corey: So far I’ve got four long sleeve/sweaters and I’ve only worn one. The weather this summer has been quite warm and I’ve had no need for them, so perhaps instead bring a light jacket that can be worn as needed.

Anna: Full sized shower materials, because Victoria Mills provides toiletries to us (that could have saved some space in my suitcase).

Sofia: Nothing. I underpacked.

Michelle: Too many shoes. All I wear is a comfy pair of flats and short boots. Sandals aren’t good for walking and heels are useless. 

What do you wish you brought from home, or ended up buying here and why? 

Christy: I should have brought more socks and I wish I would have brought laundry detergent with me. I bought a big bottle here for €2.70 and I’m never going to use it all. Also, and this is important, I have a prescription medication that I forgot to refill before coming. I take it as needed (so it isn’t a huge deal) but I don’t have enough to last me through the program.

Corey: An extra pillow would be nice, though cumbersome. Perhaps an extra sheet to serve as a curtain, or a sleeping mask if you can stand things on your face in your sleep. I wish I’d brought my guitar. Also, more shorts. Again, the weather this summer has been quite warm, and add to that the amount of walking we do during the day, shorts are a very welcome piece of clothing.

Anna: A laundry basket, and more pairs of shorts (I didn’t anticipate the weather).

Sofia: More clothes and an extra pair of shoes.

Michelle: A throw blanket to use instead of the hot comforter and then you can add the comforter as bed padding.

Any advice on what to pack? 

Christy: Comfortable shoes. I’d go so far as recommending to test your shoes out at home. You’re going to do way more walking in Ireland than you do back home. I’ve heard several people complain that the shoes that they thought were comfortable back home are killing their feet here. I’d definitely recommend bringing lightweight jackets and sweaters that you can layer. It can get hot during the day and cool in the evening. 

Corey: Comfortable walking shoes are a must. I was also glad to have brought my house shoes/slippers, because it makes it easier at the airport to slip them on and off for security, not to mention that on the long overseas flight they were much more comfortable than tennis shoes and warmer than sandals. Sunglasses are handy to have as well. Good headphones or earbuds are great, again for the flight because the engines are quite loud. A neck pillow for the flight would be super useful also—my neck was killing me by the time we landed. For the lactose intolerant like myself, I’m incredibly glad I brought lactaid with me, and while I haven’t needed them yet I think it’s also a good idea to go ahead and bring common medicines (Tylenol, burn cream, neosporin, etc.) and bandaids. Better to have them on hand ready to go when needed than to need them and have to worry about going to get them.

Anna: Bring those crazy shirts that you don’t think you’ll ever wear. Europe has a great fashion scene and you’ll fit right in, even in a smaller city like Cork.

Sofia: Make sure you have at least five outfits and pack plenty of underwear!

Michelle: Layerable clothing that can go from classroom and then out to a bar.

What are some of your little creature comforts that have made your stay more pleasant?

Christy: I brought an eye mask but I mostly used it on the plane. I brought all of my toiletries from home but last year I bought everything here. You’re going to be here for a month so go ahead and get full sized products. I brought two scarves from home that I use to decorate my room and I also brought thumb tacks and turned the cork board in my room into a makeshift jewelry organizer.

Corey: A small portable fan would be quite useful, at least here in Ireland during the summer.

Anna: I keep a journal of things that remind me of home and things that I miss. It helps me process those feelings a little more. Also, my stuffed giraffe. Sentimental and a nice decoration as well.

Sofia: I bought most of my toiletries here so I would not have to lug them to and from Ireland. I also bought some comfy pants to lounge in.

Michelle: An eye mask for night time.

Anything else? 

Christy: The rooms have a closet but don’t come with hangers. You can get hangers for free at Penney’s, a small department store, if you just go to the register and ask for them.

Sofia: Laundry is expensive here in the dorms. I bought a few things from Dealz that cost €1.50 each: laundry line to tie up in my balcony, clothes pins, and a wash basin. All my laundry for the whole trip can be done with €4.50 and a little extra effort (and laundry detergent of course).

[ao3feed-danganronpa]

My Loneliness is Killing Me

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3gcdzro

by amawritesmediocrefanfiction

Mikan Tsumiki is 25 years old, a nurse, and completely under the thumb of her boss. These are the labels that define her. She understands these. What she cannot understand is Ibuki Mioda. The news would have you believe she's the scourge of the earth. Idol fans think she's too much, even for them. She's confusing, an anomaly. And she's best friends with her roommate. Everyone seems to think they know Ibuki Mioda, that she's a done deal. So why can't Mikan stop thinking about her?

Words: 1930, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/F

Characters: Mioda Ibuki, Tsumiki Mikan, Hinata Hajime, Komaeda Nagito, Other Character Tags to Be Added

Relationships: Mioda Ibuki/Tsumiki Mikan, Minor or Background Relationship(s)

Additional Tags: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Author Is Sleep Deprived, author projecting onto her two favourite lesbians, I just really like bandaid what can I say, medical stuff is mentioned so stay safe :), Enoshima Junko Being An Asshole, Warning: Enoshima Junko, mikan needs a big ole hug, ibuki is a bit oblivious but it's okay we love her, meet ur idols but only if it's ms ibuki mioda, Girls Kissing, slow burn (until i get bored), Hugs, hand holding BEFORE MARRIAGE :0, Non-Despair Enoshima Junko, Not Canon Compliant, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), junko being a pos, some plot (in between the overly detailed descriptions whoops), based on a some notes I wrote in my phone at like 22:00, Confused Hinata Hajime, My First Work in This Fandom

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3gcdzro

[xottzot]

2017-11(NOV)-20th---Monday (night)--my internet is so slow its useless.

2017-11(NOV)-20th---Monday (night)--my internet is so slow its useless.

My internet is so slow its useless.

It's been going at bits per second......NOT bytes per second.......and THAT'S SLOWER.

8 bits makes up a byte, or don't you know that? THAT'S HOW SLOW.

And that's my 'download rate' speed. The speed that webpages load and display at. (IF they do because quite often they're just blank and timeout.)

Things that normally take anyone else seconds, takes half and hour or MANY hours for me. And most of the time they do NOT even make it. They they'll give up displaying after showing a few parts or just stop dead in their tracks.

I've long been forced to read text-only versions of NEWS sites, local, Australian, and overseas, and they barely are able to load and be read.

And THIS text is written offline, and after it's written I copy & paste the text file. That has been my routine forced upon me for YEARS now. That's why there's so many typing errors because there's nothing to catch and correct them. AND my hands and arms are still injured from dog attacks, and one of my thumbs has a great loss of feel to it after being crushed TWICE in a car door that CLOSED completely upon my thumb and I had to open it to extract my thumb out. That happened twice in a week or so. The doctor who attended me thought I was doing it on purpose I think but of course I was not doing not on purpose. But he did a good job. Months later, that entire thumbnail came off. (I still have it in a little plastic box for proof). I actually had to VERY painfully rip it off myself because it was hanging VERY painfully by strands of my bloodied flesh attached underneath and was giving me sheer hell because ANYTHING would give me agony if it touched my finger, even the slight wind from a fan. - I had my hand and finger(s) bandaged up, then covered in bandaids for many months. Nobody believed me about any of it if I told them about it, not than hardly anyone did. Consequently I learned not to tell anyone. The same for the many terrible scars on my hands and arms. They'll be upon my dead body and nobody will know why they are there.

NOBODY belives me about ANYTHING about dear Fliss I have tried to tell anyone either despite it all being the truth. So I have long given up ever trying. It's totally beyond their comprehension of understanding of the situation. A situation that even I DO NOT UNDERSTAND BECAUSE FLISS HAS NOT TALKED OR CONTACTED ME FOR A OVER TWO YEARS NOW AS I TYPE THIS. - That coming from the dear woman I love with all my heart and soul and who said to me by voice and PROMISED we would be together again soon. And now she has vanished off the face of the planet it seems. And NOBODY we knew such as our friend dear Cath in Queensland will communicate with me. Everyone else has forgoten dear Fliss ever existed. But dear Sam and dear Max have not forgotten Fliss......

If after I am dead, anyone dares to try to speak about or for me, then I can assure you they are LYING. Because NOBODY knows the horror and hell I am in, much less anything else. Nobody cares. Absolutely NOBODY.

And you wonder why I have nightmares......

And you wonder why dear Sam and dear Max have nightmares.....

And you wonder why I cannot (and have never before) stand to bear anyone cry or be in pain of any kind, emotional or physical.....

That thumbnail of mine on my hand has finally grown back but is deformed and may still take months for the deformations to grow along to the end, and hopefully I can trim them away. Or maybe they'll stay with me for life and to my death, I have no idea.

Poor Max one of Fliss's dear dogs and mine is sleeping on the bed and loudly snoring. (but not as loud as Fliss snored). So is his brother Sam and he is having nightmares...AGAIN. They are HUGE dogs and they protect me. I cannot sleep the scant amount of terribly broken nightmare of my own that fills my sleep that I struggle with EVERY 'night'.

I often speak in this blog about my nigtmares but I never write about them. Nobody would understand in any case. Well here's another little taste of one.......share a tiny snippet, a very mild and gentle piece of the hell of my dreams......

In my dream I was at a bus terminal (East Perth?) awaiting a bus that was bringing dear Fliss to me from New South Wales who I was so VERY anxious to come back and join me. My dear much-loved (deceased) mother was with me. (Fliss in real life often said she would have loved to have met my mother). And my mother and I were waiting there for dear Fliss. My mother asked about Fliss and I was telling Mum about all the good things Fliss does and Mum eagerly wanted to meet her and become her friend. - The bus arrived. All the many passengers got off, collected their luggage from underneath it and spent a great deal of time doing it all. But dear Fliss was not on the bus. She never was. And she was on no other bus. Mum and I checked each one and waited for them all to come in until the bus station closed down and turned off all the lights. And then my dear mother was somehow gone and I had no idea where she was. And despite me having driven us there, I had no way of getting 'home'. The car I had (Fliss's new car) was gone. - I was more terrible than alone. It was VERY cold. I began walking and NOBODY helped me. All about I could hear people in their houses I passed being gently happy and eating their dinners that I could smell. And on and on I walked getting more cold. Alone. I woke up in real life and just lay there in shock. I tried to get back to sleep but it was impossible. I fed dear Sam & dear Max very early about 1am I think, and went back to bed and lay down. I think I got another 2 hours sleep before dawn but it wasn't a real sleep, just broken pieces and fragments of sleep as always.

In real life, more than a decade ago, I caught a bus from that place in my dream late at night and it was to travel RIGHT ACROSS AUSTRALIA and go to Queensland and meet dear Fliss for the first time. (My dear mother had been deceased for some time before that time.)- I had no idea what lay ahead of me, and all I knew was that dear Fliss was in terrible trouble and needed my help and so I had rushed to go to her using the only tiny amount of money I had (the very last and even a few coins) and travelled with no sleep for 2.5 days or so day and night and next to nothing to eat all the way because I had no money. - Fliss knows all about that. I told her all about that when we met. But Fliss doesn't know the absolute sheer physical agony I was in on that trip that I tried to cover up and hide with painkillers just so I could continue the trip to her to save her. I knew the trip was going to be agony for me. But I love dear Fliss and so I did it for her and us. -- Just rememeber all that when I'm dead. And even then you don't know anything. And you will have lied to yourself and tried to convince yourself ANYTHING than to believe me about ANYTHING.

'Nights' have no meaning to me. It's just a brief period of darkness where the criminals lurk about and prowl about outside at this hellhole area.

As I write this, it's nearly midnight. - I cannot sleep. - And everytime I ever dare to ask the doctors to give me sleeping pills, they try to deny me and most often do. Perhaps they think I am going to suicide with them and they'll get blamed? So I take other shit to try to stun my mind and body into collapsing ito unconsciousness, to try at least to get an hour or so of sleep. It hardly ever works. Most of the time I get no sleep.

I dread sleep. I once used to enjoy sleep. But all my sleep totally stopped in late 2015 when dear Fliss had a mental/physical breakdown and she fled in imagined terror in her head and left me here to suffer worse than if I had been thrown into the deepest pit in any ancient jail. - Instead, all there is here is hell.

The 'new' neighbours have found that out for themselves I think.

In the afternoon of today, one woman was mowing her yards grass with a lawnmower. (being houseproud perhaps). It took quite awhile. After which she went away into the yard or house. But what she DID NOT SEE was the criminal aboriginals on the streets outside, and one of them went INTO her yard and stayed here in amongst the hedge growth, the yard she had just previously mowed and walked away from. - THAT is how blatant criminal they are. - I don't know what happened afterwards.

But afterwards at night, the front porch/verandah light has been left on for their security. AND one of the inhabitants was using a flashlight to inspect all about one of their vehicles, and under it. - The place does not have a fence around it (not that the abo criminals care in any case about fences), but the place is literally just across the road from the road for the 'main' criminal household, and one house away from another criminal aboriginal household, and 2 houses away from another abo criminal household....and abo criminals all day and night walk past their house and even enter their yard. The innocent inabitants don't know that. I'm sure they wouldn't believe me if I tried to tell them. - They're just going to have to experience this hellhole for themselves to know and believe it all despite them only living there for a few weeks now after they moved in so happy and joyous and full of hope I'm sure.

THIS HELLHOLE AREA IS THE PLACE WHERE DREAMS AND HOPES AND TRUST AND FAITH ARE KILLED AND MURDERED.

AND PLANES FLY OVERHAD ALL THE DAMN TIME AND YOU CAN'T CATCH ONE AND GO AWAY FROM THIS HELLHOLE AND MAKE IT DISAPPEAR.

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I love you dear Fliss and so want to be with you. - When I am dead I will be with my mother and father and all our pets that you and I have had as our much-loved friends and protectors and companions. - I love you dear Fliss and so want to be with you. You promised. You promised that to me.