#i have heard the same 20 songs everyday for the past 4 months and i only like 3 of them

[gayrudeboys]

there’s only so many times i can listen to blank space by taylor swift in one day before i start shooting

[thetierdslytherin]

Its nice to have a friend  Spencer Reid x reader

So this is a Spencer Reid song fic based on its nice to have a friend by Taylor swift. and I saw someone else to a songfic based on this song for another character and i felt inspired. there’s mention of bullying and divorce but other than that just a fluffy fic.

Mostly gender neutral reader x Spencer but at one point the reader wears a dress

School bell rings, walk me home

Sidewalk chalk covered in snow

Lost my gloves, you give me one

"Wanna hang out?"

School was finally over as the bell rang signaling the end of the day my teacher said something but I didn't hear her. No, I'm too excited to get home. It's the first day of winter break and I couldn't be more excited. I didn't really see the point of kindergarten and most of the kids are mean.

           Anyways my mommy lets me walk home by myself alot of the bigger kids do and it's only a 10 minute walk to my house. I finally stop running just outside of the school yard where a lot of the kids color and draw on the sidewalk too icy to do it now which reminds me i'm not supposed to run because I could get hurt.

           As I look up to continue my walk home I see a kinda frail looking boy with crooked teeth and glasses too big for his face, ah Spencer he's not in my class with me but I know him cause a lot of the kids tease him and hide his stuff. I don't really know why but my parents say if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. Besides, I don't know why they do it all he really does is sit by himself and read. 

          He doesn't have any gloves on or a hat and it's snowing and I'm cold with my gloves and coat so I know he is too, maybe he doesn't have any. It's not really common to snow in Las Vegas but it's probably because the kids hid them from him. I run up to catch up with him. It's not that hard, he's not exactly moving fast, he doesn't seem really excited to get home, maybe he doesn't have anything to do. 

“Here take one of mine” I hold out one of my gloves to him so at least only one of his hands will be cold. He looks at me like he's expecting me to tease him or snatch the glove away at the last second but I guess he deems me trust worthy enough and takes it putting it on his furthest hand.

 “t-thanks i’m s-spencer”  

“I know i’m y/n you lost your gloves right?” I know the kids took them but I don't want him to feel any worse about it.

“Yeah I did thanks” he still looks really cold so I grab his hand closest to me and try to interlock our fingers so both his hands will be warm. He kinda flinches at first but then seems to accept that I'm not gonna hurt him. 

“So you won't be cold Spencer”

We walk for maybe a minute in silence before I get another idea 

“Wanna hang out?”

Video games, you pass me a note

Sleeping in tents

It's nice to have a friend

(Ooh)

It's nice to have a friend

(Ooh)

I'm now i'm second grade and Spencer is in third and ever since that day we've been best friends and do practically everything together and this is the first year without him in my grade and I miss him a lot but we still hang out everyday after school. 

          “C’mon Spencer it won't be bad I promise my parents are right inside and if you want to go you can but could you please try it”.

I'm referring to spending the night in a tent in my backyard.Sleepovers were a common thing for Spencer and I especially with his dad having left I think that's why he likes being over so much it lets him forget for a little while.Earlier this week I learned Spencer had never been camping due to his thing with germs but after a lot of begging and secret planning on my part he agreed “okay y/n but if I don't like it we can go in?” 

          I nod happily and lead him to the backyard where everyday after school I've been cleaning it and setting up a campsite in the cleanest way possible. “Did you know that 77 million american households contain a member that camps and 81% of households in America say they want to camp more?”

“No, I didn't Spence, do you have any more statistics about camping for me?’ this is one thing I love about him he can tell you something about any subject you ask him it's because of his Eidetic memory.He found out he had last year and its super cool he can remember and fact I wish I had his memory some times.

          I open the tent to reveal an air mattress with a bunch of blankets and some comic books my mommy bought earlier. It's not the big books like he likes to read but it's Marvel comics that I introduced him to a few months ago and we've been reading them together ever since.

           “w-wow y/n this is so cool, did you know the hulk was supposed to be grey in the original comics but was changed to green after a mess up with printer ink?” 

“No but i'd love to hear more comic facts”

He deserves someone to listen to him after everything with his parents and all the kids at school bullying him. I don't want him to ever feel alone. 

Light pink sky up on the roof

Sun sinks down, no curfew

Twenty questions, we tell the truth

You've been stressed out lately? Yeah, me too

Something gave you the nerve

To touch my hand

It's amazing how two people who are in such different places in their lives can still love each other so much while Spencer is the only 16 year old I know with 2 phds working on another i'm still in highschool. Not from lack of hard work though i’m graduating this year 2 years early so I can go to cal tech to be with Spencer. If i'm being perfectly honest if not for Spencer I wouldn't be graduating early but I miss him too much to stay any longer. I'm sick of highschool boyfriends and football games and dealing with the same kids who bullied Spencer for being a nerd acting like we’re best friends just because I made nice with them.

            Right now were on the roof of my house after a lot of convincing on my part to get him out here 

“Why are we out here y/n do you know how many roof related accidents happen a year?”

“No but I'm sure you do dr.” I think my favorite pastime of recent is teasing Spencer.

He's saying something to me as I nod along but I'm not paying attention to what he's saying. No, I'm too busy staring at him. 

          He's really grown into his features he still has a boyish look about him but now his jawline is very defined and his brown hair goes just past his hair curling at the ends after a long day of hanging out the gel has worn out making his hair as messy as ever and he’s traded his glasses for contacts but i still think he looks for lack of better word beautiful either way. I know I love him, I've loved him since the first day I met him and over the years at one point I guess the feelings went from platonic to romantic but I don’t tell him. I don't have to I know i'll spend the rest of my life with Spencer Reid 

“y/n y/n hello”

“Hmm, what were you saying Spence?”

“I-i’m sorry am i boring you y/n?” the worst part is he's not mad about it he looks upset like he feels bad for boring me.

“No never, i'm sorry I was just thinking” 

“About what?”

“You” why did I say that but it's fine it has to be Spencer won't care but I don't want to see his reaction to my words instead focusing on the pink orange sky 

“You know I love you right that i'll always love you”

I feel him grasp my hand interlocking our fingers and I let out a quiet gasp-but he heard it. We've only held hands twice our whole lives the first day I met him and after the goal post incident so this is well, completely out of character for him and our friendship.

“I love you too y/n”

Church bells ring, carry me home

Rice on the ground looks like snow

Call my bluff, call you "babe"

Have my back, yeah, everyday

Feels like home, stay in bed

The whole weekend

          They call us stupid-young and dumb-that well be divorced in 10 years but we love each other and known each other our whole lives hes just been accepted into the BAU at 20 he has to move to Quantico. I'm gonna go with him I can get a job i've finished my degree there's nothing keeping me here.

“Let's get married” 

“What?” it's rare that I make him speechless but this seems to do the trick.

“Why don't I love you and you love me. We've been dating for how many years now 4? I want to spend the rest of my life with you i've known that I wanted you in my life since that first day on the sidewalk I want to grow old with you and have kids and grand kids so why wait let's get married” I look up at him silently pleading with him to just agree with me.

“y/n 45% of marriages end in divorce and 20% of couples under 24 get divorced in the first year of marriage”. He’s cautious I don't blame him not after what happened with his mom and dad.

“Well this is one time i'm going to ask you not to trust the statistics. I may not know all the facts about marriage and life but i know us and i'd like to think that's enough. I don't want anything big just us we can go down to the courthouse and make it official” 

He moves over to the couch where i'm sitting and grabs my hand “yes”

          It wasn't anything big, him in the only suit he owns and me in a dime store wedding dress. The rings we have are cheap and the diamond in my hand may have been small but it means everything to me. 

          We didn't even tell our parents why his mom is institutionalized, his dad left and my parents don't approve of me leaving for Quantico instead its Spencer and I with 5 of our college friends. We both walk out of the courthouse as they throw rice at us-unnecessary but sweet of them-and get into his car driving off to go home. We aren't having a honeymoon unless you count moving to Quantico.

          He picks me up and carries me through the threshold of the apartment as he sets me down I ask “can we do our vows I know we both agreed not to prepare anything don't worry I didn’t I just want to tell you some things and you don't even have to say anything back I just need to say it. Spencer I just want you to know how incredibly proud I am of you and all you’ve acomplised and overcome even the first time I saw you I could tell we were gonna be friends.I am just so thankful to have you here right now and for sticking with me through all of the chess matches and late night adventure and stupid boyfriends and what I guess i’m trying to say is thank you for always being you I love you.”

          I look at him with tears in my eyes and with tears in his eyes too and he clears his throat “ y/n I will never be able to express how you have helped me over the years from school yard bullies to cal tech and my mom.And I know i'm not the best with words i'm better with analysis and fact but there is no fact or statistic that will let me describe how i'm love with you I am” I put one hand on the side of his face and pull him in for a kiss.

It's nice to have a friend

(Ooh)

It's nice to have a friend

(Ooh)

It's nice to have a friend

(Ooh)

(Ooh)

[a-fritterer]

@mytalkingraccoon ​, I thought I’ll slide it because of the number of questions but ended up doing it anyway 👀 Thank you!!! 🤗🥰gonna tag @literallybina , @purrrrrrr @supergeek1999

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? I think my father said that to me, so of course he meant it.

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? I’m an aro, dating doesn’t interest me. Also that person would be a child compared to me.

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? Can’t recall.

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? I’m quite shy.

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? I don’t think so.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? no

7. What exactly are you wearing right now? a BBC Sherlock t-shirt and trousers

8. How often do you listen to music? everyday

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? jeans

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2014? I hate my life before 2014 (not entirely but mostly) and my life started changing after 2014.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? social with friends, anti-social with relatives and others.

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? does my dad count?

13. What about ‘R’? never kissed anyone other than my family 😶

14. Can you drive a stick shift? I can't drive but want to learn it.

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? I hate myself so fucking much but I can’t care less about others hating on me. 

16. Are you going out of town soon? No

17. When was the last time you cried? Just now. Demons from my past paid me a visit uwu and my life is shit rn.

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? told my friends

19. If you could change your eye color, would you? I’ve black eyes which feels mundane. I wish  I had eyes like Benedict Cumberbatch.

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? for some friends’ I think.

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. Not being enough productive and being caught up in misunderstanding and unnecessary drama.

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? How can I know? 👀

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? I never dated anyone

24. What are you sitting on right now? my bed

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? no

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? BTS Ot7 and Benedict Cumberbatch

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? a friend, on facebook

28. Do you get a lot of colds? I’ve sinusities so yeah

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? an online shop run by a batchmate of mine

30. Does anyone hate you? May be. My brain says that I’m someone to be hated

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? I never drink

32. Do you like watching scary movies? I’m a horror junkie

33. Do you want your tongue pierced? nooooooo

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? I think this one

35. Did you have a dream last night? I forgot already

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? can’t really recall

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? I don’t want to be married in my life

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you? I don’t think so

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? nah

40. Did you have a good day yesterday? nope

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? no

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? no

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? yes

44. What’s the best part about school? nothing. my school life pretty much sucked and I hate that version of me who went to school.

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? I do

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? that was a long time ago, can’t recall.

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? all the fucking time

48. Were you single over the last summer? I’m forever happily single 🥰

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? nope

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? go to sleep

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? nope. He’s a really good friend of mine.

52. Are you nice to everyone? I try to be. 

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? not romantically but yes

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? I don’t want to be in one in the first place.

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? sometimes

56. Do you think you like someone? nope

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? never

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? Boys. I find them cool to talk with.

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? yes

60. Do you hate anyone? only myself and myself only

61. How’s your heart? morbidly fine

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? yes

63. Have you ever cried over a guy? never

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? Really don’t know

65. Are your toenails painted pink? i don’t use nailpolish

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? not interested in kissing anyone

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? I have no idea

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? nope

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? a friend of mine

70. How do you look right now? ugly

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? yes

72. Can you commit to one person? i feel suffocated to imagine it even

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? no

74. Have you ever felt replaced? yes

75. Did you wake up cranky? no

76. Are you a jealous person? no

77. Are relationships ever worth it? i don’t know cause i have no experience

78. Anyone you’re giving up on? no

79. Currently wanting to see anyone? no

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? help my mom to learn how to use the new electric oven

81. Last person you cried in front of? mom

82. Is there someone you will never forget? quite a few

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? I’ve no feelings for anybody 😅

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? Yoongi?  I’d faint 

85. Are you over your past? i think i can never 🙃

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? never.

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? no

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? i never had anyone like that

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? when i was a child i kissed my parents and that’s it 😶that was more than 16 years ago lol

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? no

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? never 😂😂😂

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? in my country there’s no chance to meet someone named like that

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? never 👀

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? I was in a dark place in January 🖕

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? I didn’t like anybody in March

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? she’s beautiful

97. Who do you have texts from? mobile operator, banks and some friends

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? 🤷‍♀️

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? i never kissed anyone lol

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? my profile picture is Min Yoonji 

101. Ever kissed under fireworks? never even if I’d the chance

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? honestly can’t remember

[lovemesomesurveys]

What Rhymes With “AY”? Warning: This survey has 114 questions

1. Do you enjoy listening to reggae music? I haven’t listened to much reggae music.

2. Have you ever rolled in hay before? No. I’m actually allergic.

3. Has anyone ever broken a promise they made? Of course. 

4. Last time you went to a café, what did you order? Coffee.

5. Have you ever been to a matinee performance before? No.

6. Would you like a chance to ride in Santa’s sleigh? Why or why not? Would it be like the one in The Santa Clause that had a hot chocolate and cookie dispenser? ha. Swap the hot chocolate with coffee, though.

7. Have you ever taken ballet lessons before? How about any other type of dance lessons? No. That was actually something I wished I could do when I was a kid and in high school. I thought the dance team was cool.

8. Do you own any sexy lingerie? Nope.

9. Have you ever caught a bouquet of flowers at a wedding before? Nope.

10. Do you know how to do the Whip/Nae Nae? I do, actually.

11. Have you ever played croquet before? Nope. 

12. Has a horse ever neighed at you before? No.

13. How much do you weigh? I’m not exactly sure, but I am definitely underweight. 

14. Do you ever wear a beret? No.

15. When’s the last time you’ve been to a buffet? Back in February. There was a breakfast buffet at Disneyland where you got to visit with various characters while you ate. It was cute.

16. Have you ever attended a cabaret? No.

17. Have you ever eaten at Swiss Chalet? No. Never even heard of it.

18. Do you know how to crochet? How about doing macrame? No.

19. Do you have a duvet on your bed? No.

20. What was the last thing that ricocheted off of a surface? My phone did.

21. What do you put on your ice cream sundaes? I’m good with just vanilla ice cream and strawberry syrup, but sometimes I’ll add chocolate syrup as well. Bananas and whip cream are also great additions. Wow, it’s been yearsss since I’ve had one but that sounds really good right now.

22. Have you ever woken up to the “Reveille” bugle wake-up call at summer camp? No. I’ve never been to summer camp.

23. What is your favorite entrée to order at your favorite restaurant? My favorite restaurant is Wingstop and I always get the garlic parm and lemon pepper boneless wings.

24. Is crème brulee your favorite dessert? I don’t like actual creme brulee, but I like the creme brulee latte at Starbucks that they offer in the winter.

25. Do you know anyone who wears a toupee? I don’t think so.

26. Have you ever made a soufflé before? Was it good? Nope. I like the spinach and artichoke breakfast souffle from Panera, though.

27. Do you prefer ice cream or sorbet? Ice cream.

28. Do you know anyone named Renee, Jay, Clay, or Ray? I know someone whose middle name is Renee if that counts, and I also know a Jay and a Ray.

29. Have you ever had café au lait? Yes.

30. Have you ever gone to a restaurant called “Chez ______”? No.

31. Hey, how’s it going? It’s almost 730AM I should be going to sleep. My medicine I took a bit ago is making me feel a little nauseous, too, cause I took it on an empty stomach. That wouldn’t have been a problem if I just went to bed, but nooo. :/

32. When’s the last time you wore a lei? It’s been several years.

33. Did you obey your parents when you were younger? Yes.

34. Who do you want to hunt down like prey? No one.

35. Have you ever had whey before? No.

36. What message would you like to convey to someone right now? Nothing at the moment.

37. Whose survey did you take last? I don’t know who made it.

38. Have you ever been to a bay before? Yes.

39. Do you have a bae? “Or nah.” Ha, old Vine reference. Anyway, no, I do not.

40. What’s your favorite day of the week? They’re all the same to me, really, since I’m not in school nor do I have a job.

41. Have you ever had to read “The Cay”? Nope. That title doesn’t ring a bell.

42. Are you feeling okay? I’m feeling tired, hot, and kind of nauseous. 

43. Do you know anyone who is gay? Yeah, a few people.

44. Do you like the acting of Tina Fey? Sure.

45. Have you ever listened to The Fray? Yes, I like a few of their songs.

46. Do you have any frayed clothing? No.

47. Do you prefer bluebirds or bluejays? Bluebirds.

48. Is May your favorite month? No. I only like saying, “It’s gonna be May” haha. You know, the NSYNC/Justin Timberlake meme.

49. May I ask you some more questions? Sure.

50. Have you ever voted “nay” to anything before? What? Yeah. I was a board member for a club in college and there were things we voted on. 

51. Have you ever wanted to make someone pay for something that they did? I’m not a revengeful person.

52. Do you ever just lay around all day? That’s all I pretty much do everyday. 

53. Are you a happy little frickin’ ray of sunshine? No. I’m a little black raincloud. 

54. Is there something that you would like to say to someone? “There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don’t know howwww.” 

55. When’s the last time that you were so excited that you exclaimed (or at least thought) “yay!” ? I said that the other night when my brother said he was making his bomb spaghetti. haha.

56. Have you ever felt like you’ve lost your way? I’ve been feeling that way for the past few years.

57. Do you ever wish that people would just go away? lol I’ve felt that way in some situations.

58. Have you heard an animal bray before? What animal was it? Yeah, a donkey.

59. What’s the last thing that you made out of clay? Nothing.

60. Are you starting to go gray? I’ve found a few here and there. D: It was like the minute I turned 30 I found my first one, ha.

61. Are you feeling okay right now? No. I still feel how I felt earlier when you asked how it was goin’. :/

62. Do you pray? How often? Yes, but not nearly as much as I ought to. 

63. What’s the best play you’ve seen before? The Phantom of the Opera.

64. What did you like to play with when you were younger? I was obsessed Barbies, I could play for hours. I also liked playing house and school.

65. Do you know how to sashay? “Sashay away.”

66. Would you like to slay dragons? Nah. I wouldn’t want to mess with a dragon.

67. Have you gotten your pets spayed? All my dogs were fixed/spayed. My doggo was spayed before we could take her home from the adoption shelter.

68. Have you ever begged someone to stay with you? Not begged, but I didn’t want them to leave.

69. Has the room ever started to sway before? I hateeee that feeling. 

70. When’s the last time you ate a meal on a tray? Uhhh. I don’t recall.

71. Do you know how to do math arrays? You’re speaking math so no. 

72. Have you ever experienced a delay of any sort? Yeah.

73. Do you have any tooth decay? No.

74. When’s the last time you wrote an essay? What was it about? Back when I was still in school, so it’s been 5 years now since the last time. 

75. When’s the last time you competed in a relay race? I participated in a few wheelchair race events when I was a kid.

76. Have you ever wondered how you could ever repay someone? Yes. I wish I could spoil and take care of my mom one day for everything she has done and continues to do for me. She deserves so much.

77. What did you do today? So far just Tumblr, surveys, and listening to ASMR.

78. Would you ever take in a stray animal? We don’t really have room for another pet, but I’d want to help in some way. Once we had a stray dog wander in our backyard and we took care of him until we were able to find him a good home. We also once had a cat who often went into our backyard and she ended up having kittens, so we cared for them and found them all homes, including the mama.

79. What’s the last cleaning spray that you’ve used? Lysol disinfectant spray.

80. When’s the last time you splayed your fingers? I’ll do it right now. 

81. Has your airway ever been blocked before? Yes. Such a scary, traumatizing experience. It’s why I can’t take pills now at all unless I can crush them.

82. Has anyone ever led you astray? In some ways.

83. When it’s hot out, do you sleep with blankets anyways? Noooo. 

84. Have you ever felt betrayed? Yep. Not a nice feeling.

85. When’s the last time you listened to a DJ? My cousin’s quince a few years ago.

86. What’s the last unfortunate thing that happened, to your dismay? This pandemic.

87. When is payday? The 1st of the month (disability). 

88. Do good moments or bad moments replay through your mind more often? My mind likes to dwell on all the bad stuff instead. 

89. Do you prepay for anything? I typically like to pay all my bills at the same time each month instead of waiting until the day each of them are due.

90. Have you ever walked on a runway before? No.

91. Do you know a runaway? No.

92. Have you ever ridden the subway before? How about driven on the skyway? Nope.

93. Have you ever used an ashtray before? No.

94.How do you feel about public displays of affection? I don’t mind a little bit, like a quick kiss, hand holding, arms around each other, or a hug. 

95. Where would you like to go for a getaway? I wish I could rent a beach house and have my own private beach area.

96. Do you do any gateway drugs?  Some say weed is a gateway drug, but I personally never had any interest in try anything beyond that.

97. Have you ever felt like someone wasn’t meeting you halfway? Yes.

98. What were you doing at midday? I’ll be sleeping.

99. Have you ever stopped midway through a survey before?  Yeah, I did that with this one. I started it last night, but got too tired to finish it.

100. What’s your favorite holiday? Christmas.

101. Do you like to drive on the highway/thruway? I don’t drive, but yeah I prefer taking the highway over driving through town and hitting all the red lights.

102. Have you ever put something on layaway before? I haven’t, personally, but I’ve gone shopping with my mom and added stuff of my own along with her’s that she put on layaway.

103. Have you ever been cornered in an alleyway? No.

104. When is your birthday? July 28th. 

105. Do you know anyone who was a castaway? No.

106. How long is your workday? I don’t have a job.

107. What do you typically do on the weekdays? I do the same things everyday.

108. Is there a walkway or a pathway to your front door? Yeah.

109. What do you want to be someday? A functioning adult.

110. What is something that you do everyday? Drink coffee.

111. Do you park in your driveway? Do you even have a driveway? I don’t have a car, but yeah my house has a driveway that my parent’s use for their cars.

112. Have you ever won a giveaway? Yes.

113. How important is foreplay? I wouldn’t know.

114. Hooray! You’ve made it to the end! What are you going to do now? Eat my ramen. I was waiting for it to cool a bit.

[a-zebra-is-a-striped-horse]

[wildflowerhigh]

Second Time Around (c.h.) | Part 4

Read part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8

Summary: Sure, Harper is just a friend to Calum, right?

Word Count: 1.7K

A/N: Sorry I posted late! I finished writing this ages ago, I just forgot that yesterday was Friday and forgot to post. I’m just extremely stupid lol hope y’all like this one!

---

“Do any of you wanna come with me to the café?” Ashton asked, looking around the room. Calum’s hand shot up from his position on the couch, and he pulled himself up, after setting his acoustic guitar down. He had been stuck in the studio the whole night finishing up a song, and he really needed to get out.

Ashton and him walked into the café, just like they had five months ago when they had run into Harper; Calum mused about how much had happened since then. He certainly wasn’t expecting to see Harper once again, sitting at the exact same table, in an almost deja-vu like moment. She waved at them with a smile on her face, her phone in her other hand.

Calum stopped dead in his tracks, while Ashton waved back at her. “What is she doing here?”

“Oh, we meet here almost everyday. She’s normally here at the same time to eat breakfast,” Ashton replied.

Calum stood there, taken aback. Michael’s berating had left him with a lot to think about, but as of now she was just a friend. He finally waved at her, after way too long a pause, and walked over to join her.

“Good morning!” she said cheerfully, and Calum greeted her as well, taking the seat opposite her. Ashton was placing the coffee order at the counter. “How’s the album coming along?”

“Pretty good actually,” he said, voice rough from lack of sleep. She seemed to notice, and frowned slightly, but before she could ask, Ashton joined them, steering the conversation in a different direction.

The three friends sat there for quite a while, chatting away about their previous day, Calum occasionally leaning over to eat out of Harper’s breakfast, before she informed them that she had to get to work, and left. He and Ashton went back to the studio, a smile stretched across his face.

The next day, Calum jumped to his feet as soon as Ashton entered the studio. “Are you going to the café?”

“Yeah, I am.” Ashton set down his phone and started to remove his jacket. He waved at the producer sitting at the controls. “Just as soon as I finish recording a bit.” Calum looked down anxiously at his watch- it was close to the same time as yesterday, when they had gone to the café.

“Let’s go now,” he said, moving to stop Ashton as he walked to the recording booth. Ashton looked at him, puzzled.

“Why are you so desperate to go? You normally never come.”

Calum paused, his mind running a mile a minute. “I just… really want some coffee right now.”

Ashton’s eyes narrowed suspiciously at his friend, but agreed. They told the producer, who had watched the whole interaction with amusement, that they would be back in some time, and left for the café.

The minute they entered the small roadside café, Calum’s eyes scanned for Harper, and spotted her at the same table, digging into a plate of pancakes in front of her.

“Get me a vanilla latte, will you?” he muttered to Ashton, tapping him lightly on the shoulder. Harper looked up from her breakfast and waved at the two boys, and Calum grinned and went to join her, leaving Ashton to place the order.

“Could have at least paid for it,” Ashton grumbled, noticing how the two old friends talked, mesmerized with each other.

And just like that, going to the café became a daily routine. Calum said that he needed his ‘daily dose of coffee’, but most of the days never bought anything, unless Ashton got something for him.

On one of those days, when they were walking towards the café, both their phones pinged simultaneously- Harper had messaged them, informing them she couldn’t make it that day because of a meeting. Calum just stood there, scratching his head, confused about what to do next.

“We could still go get coffee, I mean, that’s what you came for everyday, right?” Ashton mocked.

Calum noticed his tone, and pushed past him, rolling his eyes. “Asshole,” he muttered, making Ashton laugh. They walked the rest of the distance to the café, and ordered their respective drinks. Calum looked back wistfully at the table where Harper might have been sitting if she had come that day.

He definitely wasn’t gonna admit to Ashton (or to himself) that the real reason he came to the café everyday was for Harper. But the intense disappointment that came over him told him that he couldn’t live in denial for much longer.

---

Calum fixed his blonde hair and pulled on his leather jacket, just as he heard the doorbell ring. He opened the door to a grinning Harper, Ashton and Kaykay.

“We’re going bowling!” Harper declared, and Ashton hooted. She sang the same phrase repeatedly, with continuous whoops from the redhead, and the two danced around each other.

“They’ve been doing this the whole time,” Kaykay said, and Calum chuckled. He grabbed his phone and keys, and stepped out and locked the door. Harper and Ashton’s little singsong and dance finally came to an end.

“Where are the others?” Calum asked.

“They’re coming there directly,” Ashton replied. They all walked down to Ashton’s car, and made their way to the mall.

The bowling plan had been made after Sierra had randomly mentioned to Luke that she had never actually been bowling before, and everyone came to the same conclusion that she had to be introduced to the game once and for all. They also figured that it would be nice to all go out together after so long, and so planned an outing to the mall.

“How good is your bowling?” Calum asked Harper, as they stood next to each other, putting on their bowling shoes.

“Best of the best, baby,” she said, smirking, and Calum’s heart beat a little faster.

“There’s no way you’re better than me,” he challenged, and her smirk grew bigger.

“You’re on, Hood.”

The group occupied two alleys due to their size, and Harper and Calum dominated their respective alleys, having the highest scores.

“This is so much fun, guys, I’m so glad we came today,” Sierra commented, and the group murmured in agreement. But Calum was only focused on Harper- well, on beating Harper. Sports always brought out his competitive side, a characteristic leftover from his footballing days.

“Let’s up the stakes, Calum,” Harper said, apparently also not responding to Sierra’s statement.

“Ooohhh,” Luke said. “Wait, what’s happening?”

“I think they’re having a face-off,” Michael stated.

“Damn right we are!” Calum exclaimed, slamming the bench dramatically and coming to his feet. When he was at the peak of his game, he fed off the attention. “What do you suggest?”

“Ten frames each. Highest score wins. Loser buys everyone ice cream.”

“That’s not exactly high stakes, is it?” Ashton remarked.

“I’m not bringing money into this, Ash,” Harper replied, glaring at him.

“Well, technically-”

“ICE CREAM!” She shook her hand threateningly at Ashton, and he raised his hand in surrender, stifling a laugh. She turned her attention back to Calum, who was tapping his fingers against the bowling ball he had picked up. Why he had an adrenaline rush from a simple game like bowling, he couldn’t understand. Could it be because he was playing against Harper? “Take it or leave it, Calum,” she continued.

“Taking it. Let’s do this.” He smirked, and grabbed a bowling ball.

The next half hour was intense. The others saw by and watched as the two competitors played, both of them getting strikes in a row. “Not bad, Romano,” he commented, when she was gearing up to play her ninth frame, and she flipped him off, making everyone laugh. Seeing the look of concentration on her face, with her eyes squinting at the pins, biting subtly into her lip, Calum could barely resist the smile that threatened to break onto his face; she looked adorable.

She expertly bowled another strike, turning around and bowing as the pins clattered behind her. Everyone cheered, and Calum stood up for his turn. Passing her as he moved to take her position, she wiggled her eyebrows at him, and smiled the smile that made his insides get all jumbled up. He felt like he was floating on air when he stepped up to bowl- and consequently, knocked down only three pins.

His friends gasped at his play, including Harper, who looked at him in shock. Still fazed by his mistake, Calum played again, still managing to knock down only four pins. He sat down, still confused by what had happened. He never got distracted like this. Harper glanced at him warily, but scored another strike, getting her the highest possible score.

By the time his last turn came around, Calum had cleared his head, and bowled a strike; but it was too late, because he was already behind on points. Harper had won.

---

Calum paid for the ice cream, and thanked the server, before grabbing his cup off the counter. Surprisingly but thankfully, they hadn’t run into any fans at the bowling alley or the ice cream shop, so the whole group ate their ice cream, loud and content. Harper slid up behind him and tapped on his shoulder, and he turned around to face her.

“Good game, that was,” she said, and he nodded. He opened his mouth to speak, but she continued speaking. “I know you let me win.”

“What?”

“You were playing so well, then you fuck up in the last round and lose? No way. Don’t know what weird male ego thing this is, but-” She pulled out a 20 dollar bill and handed it to him. “Here. For the ice cream.”

“Well, first of all, have a little more faith in your skills,” he said, taking a lick of his pistachio ice cream. “Second of all, I got distracted, that’s why I lost.” He pushed away her hand holding the bill. “You won fair and square.”

She scanned his face dubiously, before pocketing the money. “What did you get distracted by?” she questioned.

“Just… something.” He shook his head, and spooned out a little of her chocolate ice cream. “Yours tastes so much better, ugh.”

She laughed, her eyes shining bright at him, and Calum got the same feeling at the pit of his stomach as he had at the alley. Nothing to get distracted from this time, though.

---

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[nellpire]

[191010] Nell - Joynews interview (Part 1) (translation)

Q: How does it feel to be back?  Jongwan: We're excited to release our first full album in three years. We've been making music for a long time now, but this album is particularly exciting. We did a lot of new things in the making of it. Since we had many fun experiences, there's also a bigger expectation on it. Releasing full albums isn't a given anymore so we did worry too, but now that it's done there's a different sense of pride than for singles and mini albums.

Q: What kind of song is the title track, See You in Five?  Jongwan: We used to have friends we saw 3-4 times a week. We're still close with them, but as time passes and we each have our own everyday lives, at some point we begin to see them once or twice a month, then once every three months, then a couple of times a year. Truth to be told, we're at an age where we can die at any time. In accepting that, I realized that we might not get to meet that many times from here on out. I wrote this song because that realization was so bittersweet, frightening and regretful. A Turkish friend of mine taught me the phrase "see you in five", and I wrote the song while we (the band) went to Thailand to write. Personally, I find the song terribly sad. Anyone who's part of society will be able to relate to the message. 

Q: How is the album title and the title track connected?  Jongwan: We originally picked another song as title track. This was the first time we ever had a songwriting camp abroad. We set out to make music with a black color over the last 1-2 years, but the direction changed a lot when we were in Thailand. Thinking purely about music, we got up at 9 in the morning, had some food and stayed in the studio until 10 in the evening. After a while I realized it might not necessarily turn into a black only album, that sorrow, despair and melancholy can all come in different colors, too. I was able to accept those emotions more easily thanks to that. So ultimately, we decided to call it Colors in Black.

Q: What's the most unique point of this album?  Jongwan: We picked these nine tracks out of more than twenty, and all nine of them have different colors. Until now we didn't put contrasting styles of songs on the same album for the sake of consistency, but this time all the lyrics had a common side to them, so we decided to make them all in different styles. I think that's what's most unique about it.

Q: What's the background of your camp in Thailand?  Jongwan: We decided on it last year. We heard there was a place where you can absorb yourself completely in music. There's really nothing around, all there is is the studio. The creation process is fun, but there are always many strenuous parts as well. This time we could work comfortably. When we stay in Korea, we keep thinking about other things, so we took only our instruments and left to record. The result was very successful, and we grew closer, as well. It made us realize how precious music is.

Q: Did the songs you created in Thailand make this album brighter?  Junghoon: It isn't bright in meaning, but there are songs that would never have been made in Seoul.  Jongwan: There's a vagueness about it that I like. You can't see what type of music it is from the lyrics alone, because the sound is a big contrast to them, in a sense. I think we managed to mix those two well. The lyrics are very realistic so I think it's a fairly heavy album, but I think the sound we found makes it feel less so.

Q: The change from the temperamental sound of your early career into a more lyrical and warm atmosphere is very memorable.  Jongwan: I think our attitude to emotions in different situations has changed. Whether that's a natural change or something we brought on ourselves, I'm not sure. There used to be lots of things I found hard to accept when they happened. I'd think "why is this happening?" Back then I made it even harder for those around me and blamed others a lot. That's not to say I don't do that now (laughter). I think I changed after Slip Away. Since then I started thinking "what happens happens". Oppositely now I get the feeling that our early albums are immature and combative, but I don't know which is better or worse. Personally I think our current creation processes when I can't spit the truth out as it is are much harder. 

Q: Why did you want to create "black" music?  Jongwan: Lots of things happened around a year after our precious album C. We performed often, but many sad things happened in our personal lives. We built a lot of spite. That's why I think going to Thailand was a good choice for us. Before that, we had so much spite inside, the feeling of hating everything. We thought in order to release all that, we should create "black" music that could express that feeling. But we got so much better in Thailand, barely drank any alcohol and felt purified. But we did make songs I cherish dearly, so I want to make sure we release those too at some point. 

Q: It's been 20 years since Nell was formed. How does that feel?  Jaekyung: Our goal is to make good music. If we were only colleagues, we wouldn't have come this far. We're fantastic at staying up all night to work and we have a passion to see everything through until the end. I think that's been a great help to us.  Junghoon: Our personalities are all different, and I think that's been hugely beneficial to our music. We make up for each other's weaknesses. We don't get stressed out by the same things.

Q: Would you want to go back to the past? Jongwan: Only 5-6 years ago I had this romanticism surrounding staying up all night drinking, talking about movies and dating, but since a few years back that's decreased drastically. Maybe it's because our fiends didn't get married until now. I only long for the time a few years back. Back in the day all we ate/drank was alcohol, so I don't miss it that much. 

Q: You released this album earlier than expected. Jongwan: We made some songs specifically for the album, but there were also some songs we'd finished in advance. 

Q: What were your recent club concerts like? Junghoon: We played small clubs like that a lot when we were younger, but when we started playing bigger arenas we began to miss being face to face with the audience. That's why we did it again after such a long time, and it coincided with our 20th anniversary. It was great to be able to celebrate in a small place like that were we could see people's faces.  Jaekyung: We always wanted to play older songs for the fans who have been with us for a long time. We were able to do that and it brought back a lot of memories for us. Jaewon: I was thankful both to the fans and the members. It made me realize how happy I am to make music, a concert series that made me feel a lot of gratefulness. 

Q: You've said Jongwan loves sound. Jongwan: I want to know all the sounds we create. I think we need to know which sources are used in what way and where they're placed. Even then, I have some regrets. But if I leave it up to someone else and it doesn't turn out the way I want it, it's no one else's fault. With every album we release, this becomes more difficult. Since I know that once the album is out there that's the end, it makes it difficult and the regrets are unspeakable. So that makes me more obsessive. For this album, I bought more equipment than usual. When our engineer friends came to visit, they'd joke and say "you might as well be an engineer too". In all creation, the least amount of regret is ideal. 

Q: How about the sound of this album?  Jongwan: We went through the mastering three times. We did edits upon edits upon edits. We're satisfied, but there are always regrets, too. When trying to express something from inside your head, even if you think you've materialized it perfectly one day it could change when you listen to it the next. I think it's because music is so abstract. Of course the number of regrets shrink as you work, but that doesn't mean the regrets themselves get smaller. 

Feel free to use, but please credit Nellpire.

[natsuxlucyfanfiction]

Superhero Part 3 (nalu fanfiction)

Yo so what’s good, this is Superhero Part 3 but like...what I wanted to write is a longer idea which in no way I could have written with one post. So basically there’s gonna be a part 4 and possibly a part 5. If you read this and think, “wait, how is this related to Superhero?” it’ll all start to make more sense with the upcoming chapter(s).

*********

“Congratulations, your highschool days are officially over! Please leave already!” Everyone’s graduation caps flew up as people cheered with excitement, joy, and jubilation. The caps came down in a flurry onto the ex-students. The celebration continued, everyone too caught up in the moment to make a complaint.

Lucy and I did our secret handshake to celebrate while everyone screamed and hugged and cried and leapt for joy. Through our entire lives, we always knew it would happen one day but now it was real. Neat, I guess.

“We did it, we did it, we did it,” Lucy chanted jovially with a sing-song tone. She was the fourth in our class.

“We did it,” I nearly wept with relief.

“This is the start to a whole new chapter of our lives!”

“tHiS iS tHe sTaRt tO a wHoLe nEw cHaPtEr oF oUr LiVeS,” I mocked her. “Lucy, you realize you’re gonna wake up tomorrow and you’re gonna feel zero different and then feel dumb for acting all cliché at your graduation.”

“I hate you!” Lucy whined, hands on her hips. “Why can’t you just let me enjoy the moment for once?”

“What moment? We’re graduating! Why are we all pretending that we liked school? You know how many times I’ve heard people complain about this dumb place?” Giving her a hard time was the best. Her nose always scrunches up and she thinks she looks intimidating, which makes it like 10 times better.

“You are literally the worst, you’re making me want to move to Crocus more and more by the second,” she joked. Freaking Crocus.

“You think you’re soooo much better than me now since you’ve been accepted into Crocus University.”

“No, of course not! Just because it’s the second most prestigious school in the entire world and is extremely hard to get into especially with a scholarship like mine, doesn’t mean that I’m gonna flex that privilege.”

“Very reassuring, thanks,” I say, my voice dripping with sarcasm. It’s not even the best school, it’s the second best. I don’t know why she cares so much. She should just stay here.

“You’re just salty that in less than two months I’m moving hours and hours away,” she said again to tease me, but she wasn’t wrong. There are good universities nearby. Sure, attending Crocus University was a great opportunity for Luce, but she’s leaving everything behind. Even me.

“Yeah, sure. Maybe when you’re gone I can finally get myself a girlfriend,” I said.

“That’s as likely as you attending Crocus University,” Lucy giggled. “It’s the second best university in the entire world, just a quick reminder. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m going there.”

“All bow for Lucy Heartfilia!” I’d miss our little banter.

“You’re kinda right though, I’m over this. Wanna go get wings?” Lucy was bouncing up and down with her typical boundless energy. She’s always so excited and full of happiness.

“Tonight, we eat ‘till we drop.” We bumped fists and left graduation in my truck. I gave her the aux cord and hoped she wouldn’t play trash. To my great fortune, the sweet music by Queen flooded my ears. Lucy grabbed the fake microphone we always kept in the back and began singing along.

“Get your party gown and your pigtail down

And get your heart beating baby

Got my timing right, got my act all tight

It’s gonna be tonight my little school baby”

These are the moments I’ll miss. Her next to me, carefree and happy. It’s not like she’s dying, I don’t know why this is affecting me as much as it is. There’s social media which will keep us connected. And she’ll be happy there. She’s been nothing but excited since the second she read “Congratulations!” on her acceptance letter. I spent all my time hoping she would make it in, so I was surprised by how much my stomach dropped when she read the letter to me.

I need to forget about it right now and savor the time I have left. I sped up, way over the speed limit, and lowered the windows. The wind blew through our hair as we both blurted the lyrics to the next song, Hot Blood by Kaleo. I looked cool as heck, but Lucy’s hair flew in every possible direction because it was so long.

Life is good.

-------------

The airport was freaking huge. It took us forever to find Lucy’s terminal. Maybe this was a sign that she shouldn’t go to Crocus. Stop being selfish, Natsu! I kept reminding myself.

“Flight 442, first class passengers please board.” That was Lucy’s flight. Soon they’d call for coach or economy class, whatever it was called.

“This is actually happening,” Lucy said with an out-of-breath tone. After months and months of excitement, it seemed as if reality just hit her. She looked pale and shaky. “Natsu, I can’t go, I’m not ready-”

“Lucy.” I took a deep breath. “Your dreams are coming true. No one ever feels ready to leap into a new era of their life. It’s the few who leap anyway that are the ones who live their happy lives.” I looked in her eyes and saw the same nervousness that I felt. “This is what you’ve always wanted. There’s nothing more that I could’ve wished for than this opportunity for you. I 100% think that this is a great idea.” I 100% want you to stay home, Lucy. Please don’t listen to a word I’m saying.

“You tryna get rid of me or something?” Lucy laughed while wiping unshed tears from her eyes.

“Am I making it too obvious?” I joked along. Of course I don’t want to get rid of her. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that she’s going and about to live her dream. I just... wish I could be a part of it.

“Flight 442, economy class passengers please board,” the annoying flight attendant announced.

“That’s me,” Lucy whispered with a soft smile on her face. She wrapped me into a hug, squeezing tightly. I hugged her back, knowing this was the last one for a long time. Be happy for her, Natsu. Be supportive, stop thinking about yourself. It was our last moments in person together for who knows how long yet I was silent. I couldn’t think of what to say. Think, Natsu! Come on dude! She pulled away from the hug and I saw more unshed tears in her eyes. I knew she wouldn’t cry here, but the second she sat down in that plane she’d let the tears fall loosely.

Lucy picked up her carry on and pulled out her passport and ticket for the attendant to check. I just stood here and watched her like some creep as she waited in the line. Finally, she was about to go through the gate, I think it’s called, when I shouted out:

“Goodbye, Little Luce!”

She turned around and smiled, a gorgeous smile I’d never forget. “Goodbye my Superhero!” Lucy called out with no shame. She was probably too far away to notice the tears streaming down my face.

The plane left 20 minutes ago, but here I was still at the terminal, as if somehow the plane would turn around and she’d come back running into my arms. A boy could dream. It felt like I was mourning Luce, but she wasn’t leaving my life permanently. We’d still talk everyday.

I drove to my apartment. Usually I’d play some sort of music to fill the silence, but today I just wanted the quietness. Both in the car and at my apartment I just contemplated. What would life look like without Lucy?

A week later I’d start learning at some Automotive school nearby to become a mechanic. I’ve already been working on cars for years so it won’t be too much of a challenge.

I grabbed the remote and switched on Netflix. After a bit of scrolling, I found out all of the Indiana Jones movies were on Netflix. “Sweet!” I selected Raiders of the Lost Ark then grabbed blankets, snacks, and drinks for Lucy and I. It was only when I got back to the couch that I remembered Lucy wasn’t there anymore. Force of habit, I guess.

Man, getting used to this is gonna be tough.

———-

*9 months after graduation, 7 months since Lucy left*

The thing that surprised me the most was that I was actually learning a lot in school, I thought I knew everything. A mechanic at the nicest shop around took me in as his assistant. My schedule was full between school and the shop. When I get my certificate in a year and a half, I’d begin working there full time.

Lucy and I used to talk every single day for hours. We‘d constantly text or facetime or snapchat, but both our lives have gotten so busy. We still talk everyday (streaks) but not one conversation hasn’t been cut short due to one of us needing to do something.

“Morning Luce!”

“Good morning! Dude have you seen the trailer for the new Avengers movie?”

“No, it’s out?! I’ll check it out when I get home. Class is starting, I’ll call you later.”

Looking back at these past conversations made me realize how short and choppy they were. That wasn’t either of our intentions but that’s how it was turning out and it just really sucks.

--------

*11 months since graduation, 9 months since Lucy left*

My phone vibrated from the charger when I was watching Brooklyn Nine Nine. I checked it, hoping it wasn’t anything important and I wasn’t called in to work so I could enjoy my day off. It was an instagram notification from Lucy. Apparently she just posted something. After switching my phone off silent, I opened instagram to check it out but was stopped when I got a call from her.

“Sup Luce.”

“Did you see my post on instagram?!” She practically screamed. I turned down the volume a bit.

“You mean the one you just posted literal seconds ago?” She ignored my comment and continued on.

“Check out the post now! Do it! Open Instagram! Like the post so I know you saw it!” I opened up the app and her post was the first one on my feed.

“‘Mark the day, everybody,’” I read, “‘because today is the beginning of Mark and I’s relationship’? Lucy you have a boyfriend?!” She never even told me she was talking to somebody! I know communication has been tough with both of our busy schedules but I didn’t think we were drifting apart so much so that she wouldn’t tell me something like this!

“Yup, he asked me out today. We’ve been talking for a while now, if you know what I mean,” she said with a suggestive tone.

“Congratulations, though I don’t even know who this mystery Mark is.” Making sure to add a laugh so it didn’t look like I was calling her out, I awaited her response.

“If you did know him, you’d love him Natsu. You guys would get along so well.”

“But I don’t know him.” My voice conveyed the frustration that was starting to stir in me, becoming a little louder and more aggressive. Luckily, it was subtle enough for Lucy not to catch.

“Stop being a little wuss,” Lucy joked. “He’s my boyfriend, not yours. You don’t need to know him.” Her tone was so lighthearted, yet I took the words so seriously.

Is that supposed to sting? This whole conversation really just isn’t doing it for me. Not only that, but for some reason now I feel sick too. My gut feels weird. “Well I hope y’all live happily ever after in that dream castle you’d always draw on the back of your tests. Wanna continue this conversation later? I gotta deal with a client for the shop.” I was currently sitting on my couch with a show on Hulu paused.

“For sure, see ya!” And with that, one of the hardest phone calls of my life came to a close. I don’t know how I feel about this Mark guy. Whoever he is, I don’t want Lucy dating him. It’s not my choice, that’s obvious, but I thought she’d at least consult me about whether she should date him. Or, you know, tell me about him! Is our friendship slowly deteriorating? Maybe I’m just thinking about myself too much, or like, being too possessive of a best friend. She doesn’t have to tell me everything. Lucy can do whatever she wants.

I ignored the tight feeling in my chest and continued watching Brooklyn Nine Nine. The episodes passed by but they didn’t register. My thoughts consumed me. Anxiety about my friendship with Lucy just made that already weird chest pain feel worse. I didn’t cry but boy did it feel like I was gonna. Was our friendship dying? All I know for certain now is that I’m the king of overthinking.

***************

As I said earlier, there will be more. Please leave a comment, for real, I legitimately wanna know what’s good and what’s not and how I can fix whatever to make the experience better for y’all.

[diningpageantry]

tag game(s)

anï (i’m too exhausted to do three separate posts but i was tagged in three tag games over the past few days and i’d forgotten to do the last few games i was tagged in and i feel super guilty so here they are in one go)

i don’t know who to tag to do these rn because my brain is dead i am emotionally exhausted and i’m writing a fic that’s about halfway done so i’m gonna say tag anyone who wants to be tagged for any of these. i’m so sorry that i’m dead, i will be back alive again after may 10th, which is my AP exam day

six questions challenge

tagged by @simon--speaks

rules: answer the questions, then tag 9 people you want to get to know better!

Q1: Relationship status?

single bby

Q2: Favorite color?

maroon !

Q3: Top 3 ships?

snowbaz (wow) and uh. wow. idk who else. i wanna say my own ocs matchstick and summer (is that allowed? i’m making it allowed)

Q4: Lipstick or chapstick?

whenever i get to this question in any ask i freeze up because i use a tinted chapstick so i don’t look dead but like. it can also be seen as a lipstick because it has pigment. but. chapstick.

Q5: Last song I listened to?

Run by Hozier

Q6: Last movie I watched?

uhhh i watched like. 5 minutes of the emperor’s new groove a few days ago, and watched a documentary about obscure houses like 10 minutes before that. so. i’m gonna say the house documentary.

21 questions

i was tagged by @simon--speaks, @angelsfalling16, @wo2ash, @alixanderthequeer, @sharkmartini and @bazypitchandsimonsnow

rules: answer 21 questions then tag 21 people

nickname: anï, munchkin, menina, and my hebrew name is elisheva

height: the doctor says i’m 5′3.5″, but they can’t put fractions on IDs so according to the state i’m 5′4″ and i cling to that

last movie i saw: see above (so like. funky houses)

last thing i googled: (next town over) movie tavern. i’m not saying where it is exactly bc hah i don’t wanna be stalked but. i was looking at movie times because they have $5 movies every tuesday

favorite musician: frank iero. love that funky rat man and his funky music too (i’m gonna see him for the second time next month because i made the executive adult decision to say fuck it to my seizures and go see him anyway)

song stuck in my head: i don’t have one rn but usually it’s a song by the killers (when you were young is a usual one)

other blogs: none, actually! i didn’t delete my old tumblr purely bc i’m a nostalgic dumbass, but it’s a completely different login and it’s inactive so i don’t count it.

followers: 1,666 (originally i wasn’t gonna share the number but it hit this last night and i was like heh. nice)

following: 231

amount of sleep: 8ish hours! (spring break bby)

lucky numbers: 7, multiples of 3 (only in cases of knocking), and multiples of 2 (only in cases like volume)

dream job: writing and illustrating books! i have a variety of dream jobs within art, and even within the subcategory of books, but my top dream job is creating inclusive/diverse children’s books that represent a variety different ethnicities/races, religions, abilities, and identities so that children can see themselves represented in media

what i’m wearing: a black turtleneck, a bra, and marvel boxers. that’s it.

favorite food: soup in general. i make a kick ass matzo ball soup

language: english, conversational portuguese, i know a small small bit of japanese (i should know more given i was raised being taught it but i always struggled with it), and i know some spanish. i also plan on teaching myself ASL.

can i play an instrument: yes! i’ve been playing violin since i was 2. i wanna play guitar and i know some chords but i have small hands so it’s hard to find one that’s the right size that isn’t a shitty children’s guitar, and i sing! i’m an alto

favorite song: hnnghg please don’t make me pick................ i’d have to say choke on one another by death spells

random fact: so like. if you didn’t know already, i’m an LGBTQ+ youth activist on a national scale. i disappear on occasion because i’m doing something or another, and sometimes i post about it on my blog (speaking of i have exciting news that i heard, but at the same time, i’m pretty much booked every weekend from middle of next month until middle of july), but........ i hate networking. i loathe it. if i never had to network again, i’d be thrilled. networking is my absolute least favorite thing because i struggle at everyday conversation, much less networking with people at least 10-20 years my senior. sure it’s usually free publicity and i get great connections, but god. at what cost? and like.... it’s always after a really emotionally taxing event, so i’m already drained and then wow here’s a room full of adults who want my 18 year old input. please. just let me steal a cupcake then leave.

describe yourself in aesthetic things: dye stained fingernails and necks. cranked open windows during a spring shower. dried tears and breaking laughs. coffee stains and milky tea splashes. trembling fingers, writing instead of speaking because you’re too afraid, and finally breaking free--running through the rain. scabbing blood, fresh piercings. knowing you’re loved and not saying it because it doesn’t need to be spoken. the smell of a new canvas, paint splattered jeans, and art school sweaters. black skirts with docs, then fairy lights and soft blankets hidden behind sharp profanities and harsh disgust. the unexpected. the unknown. the ever-changing, unstoppable force of the shifting tides. 

carry on questions

tagged by @goodbyedandelion, @isthisisagoodkiss @wo2ash, 

1- favorite type of scone? 

cranberry orange! one of the farms a county over has a market and they sell them there and they’re to die for (altho, i found a sour cherry scone recipe that i’ve perfected and my family loves them so they’re a close second now)

2- london or la?

i’ve never been to london, but i’m gonna have to go with london. i went to la last october to present in an awards show for my organization and i lowkey was underwhelmed. i’m very much a gloom and rain kinda person, and it was too dry and sunny there. although, i did think the huge succulents were sick as fuck. but yeah definitely london. i’m planning to spend a semester abroad there in a few years for an illustration program

3- kissing in a forest or holding hands under the stars?

i’m afraid of forests because we have a lot of wildlife and i don’t want to get mauled by a bear don’t mind me holding hands under the stars :)

4- jeans or suit?

suit suit suIT SUIT suit. i love wearing suits. my chest doesn’t cooperate and my hips always hate them but god i do love suits.

5- loose hair or pulled back hair?

mine looks better loose, and my sides/back are shaved but the top reaches my ears, so it gets annoying sometimes and i pull it up to keep it out of my face

6- vampires or dragons?

i wanna say both. i used to say “yknow a dragon but in human form would be hot” then i got called dragon fucker for like two years so out of pure spite i’m going with vampires.

7- what saying do you wish could be a spell?

(this one’s a very specific reference so hear me out) “i’ve got to go pee on her”  used to disorient and confuse the speech of the person casted upon. it’s one of my favorite quotes from scott pilgrim vs. the world (my favorite movie ngl) when scott’s brain can’t figure out two different sentences and he just says that. it’s so good and just fuckin weird that i love it.

8- which carry on character would you go on a coffee date with if you could?

depends tbh! if we’re talking date date, then penny because i would wife penny in 0.5 seconds, but if we’re talking friends getting coffee then 10000000% baz because i’d talk activism and identities with him

9- favorite carry on quote?

“he told me we would be stars” (i don’t have my book on me so i could be getting the line wrong), but it hit so hard for me. like it’s clear how davy manipulated lucy so much that she fell into it and couldn’t crawl out. it’s such a powerful message of control from those who are charismatic enough to hold it, and how sometimes we aren’t weak enough to let go.

10- how excited are you for wayward son?

lemme paint this picture: i started hyperventilating in the hallway when i found out, and then cried an hour or two later when my friend texted me that he preordered me a signed copy. like. i’ve been pre-planning how to get home from college to come and pick it up (okok the 24th is also my dad’s birthday so i’m. um. “coming home to visit him”, of course) because i’m just SO EXCITED to read them again in a canon way :’)

[beccaboosthings]

1-99 for the random asks 😂💛

This is long so its below the cut 💖

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

(In no specific order) Crush-Tessa Violet, Choke-IDKHBTFM, Still Waiting-Sum 41, I Write Sins-P!ATD, Addicted-Simple Plan, Human-dodie

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Does my gf count? Even tho we have only met in person once?

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“You again?” Jared says (page 23 doesn’t have 17 lines so i continued onto the next page)

4: What do you think about most?

My Gf

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

“I love you from” my gf

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

With

7: What’s your strangest talent?

I can do this

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls are perfect. Boys are hot too. I’m v bi

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Nope

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

Years ago

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

I wouldn’t say that its a phobia but being buried alive

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

Nope

13: What’s your religion?

Atheist but if i were to be religious it would be christian 

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Walking my dog

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Panic! At The Disco

17: What was the last lie you told?

That I was okay

18: Do you believe in karma?

Not really

19: What does your URL mean?

Its my name

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

I would say both would be my empathy and wanting to help everyone. Like obviously its an amazing thing, but i also end up taking it too far sometimes and I end up forgetting to take care of myself. And I put others before me far too often.

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

I have like a full list, but Mike Faist

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Nope

23: How do you vent your anger?

Crying

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

Tickets from a bunch of different random stuff

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Video Chat

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

Yes?

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

Hate: Fingernails on jeans Love: Rain

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

What if thing never change

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

Ghosts: Kinda, Aliens: Hell yes. There is no way we are the only ones in this whole universe

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Right: My fidget cube Left: an Eiffel Tower picture

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

My shampoo

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

I have no clue haha

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

East

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Brendan Urie

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

To make a difference. Even if its just in one persons life, or something super small.

36: Define Art.

Someone expressing something (feeling, emotions, ect.) through a creative medium

37: Do you believe in luck?

Kinda

38: What’s the weather like right now?

Freezing (its 29°F or -1.6°C currently)

39: What time is it?

12:43am

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

Nope, I don’t drive

41: What was the last book you read?

Dear Evan Hansen the Novel

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Yes? Sometimes

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Bec, angel, baby, babe, ect from my gf

44: What was the last film you saw?

Heathers

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

I broke my tailbone when I was like 10 and it still hurts if I ever sit or stand for too long.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

Yes

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

the DEH novel

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

Bisexual

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

No

50: Do you believe in magic?

No

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

No. The is only one person who hurt me super badly who i still refuse to talk to because I’m still mad even tho its been years

52: What is your astrological sign?

Aries

53: Do you save money or spend it?

Both

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

The DEH novel

55: Love or lust?

Love

56: In a relationship?

Yes 💖

57: How many relationships have you had?

2 but the first doesn’t really count

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

No

59: Where were you yesterday?

Home all day

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

Yes my pencil case

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

No

62: What’s your favourite animal?

Dogs

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

I don’t really have one? I guess my niceness 

64: Where is your best friend?

At her house

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

(In no specific order) @slowtownstan​ @woildismyerster @daveyjacobss @robot-anon @meangirlsx

66: What is your heritage?

I’m Half English, a quarter French Canadian, and a quarter of just a bunch of random shit

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

Talking to my gf

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

I have never thought of this and now I’m super curious. idk tho haha

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

Yes

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Yes

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the dog. I don’t care if I get fired. If my boss has a problem with it then fuck them. I’m not letting a dog die over a job

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

A) I would tell my family and close friends B) I would go spend time with my gf and do some fun shit with her and my friends C) Yes but No. Yes I would over all be scared, but tbh I never really thought I would ever even get this far in life

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

Trust

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Carrying The Banner from Newsies

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

Okay I’m not doing this one haha

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Trust and communication 

77: How can I win your heart?

Being honest about your feelings and just being nice

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

Yes

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Starting talking to @slowtownstan

80: What size shoes do you wear?

9-10s

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

I have no clue haha

82: What is your favourite word?

Fuck. Its so universal and can be used in so many ways

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Blood

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

I love you to my gf

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

Do it all the time by IDKHBTFM

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

Currently Purple and Black

87: What is your current desktop picture?

This

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Idk, a serial killer or something

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

What really are the depressive thoughts that go through your head everyday?

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Get the fuck out of there

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Mind reading

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Something fun from my childhood

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

All of my depression

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Does Mike Faist count? Because him or dodie

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

London

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

Not currently

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

No?

98: Ever been on a plane?

Yes

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

You matter, whatever fight you are fighting, you can get through this. Things will get better. I know it sounds cheesy but its all true.

[therealflyingoctopi]

Transition Into 2019

It’s really late and I just want to say I at least started writing this on January 1st. 5 minutes away from the 2nd but I started on the first day of the new year. It’s really not important but there it is. I never fully know what to say when this time rolls around in fear of saying the exact same thing as the last year. And the year before that, and before that, and so on. I don’t know what to say that’s new, though. I’ll try to throw something together. 2018 was most definitely the most important year I’ve had. From start to finish, something always seemed to be happening. And even if it wasn’t, there was always something to look forward to, and that made the dull times more bearable. I entered 2018 having just made a handful of actual friends, real relationships, about 6 months earlier. My life was already so different than it had ever been. 2 and a half months in, I made another, rather large, handful of friends. Something I thought I wouldn’t be able to achieve for another few years. I went to Europe with these 20+ people over spring break and that trip changed my life. People say something changed their life a lot, but I’m telling you, this was massive. Seismic. So I made the best memories one can make while stuck in a group of new and lovely people overseas for 2 weeks. When I came home I felt recharged, energized. (Well aside from being very dead and tired from the trip, I felt like my life had a newer meaning.) After the Europe trip things were kind of slow again. But I had something to look forward to because the month after I got to go to Kelowna and see some of these people again and hang out with them for a weekend (which was also my birthday weekend, so I spent my 18th with some of my favourite people). I got to see most of these people again in June for my graduation, but before that, I was invited to another graduation. Well more of a prom, but I guess it counts. A childhood friend of mine invited me to be her prom escort so I did that. The past couple years I’ve been jumping at opportunities like this more where an old friend of mine that I haven’t seen or talked to in years either reaches out to me or I get to see them at some event. Rebuilding old relationships is something important, I find. Even if it’s extremely slow and probably will take years to grow close again, it shows you still care. And I do. Time, distance, and life just get in the way of those things all too often. So I went to my friend’s prom, made it through dancing with my very minimal knowledge, and overall had a blast. Fast forward to the following month, I was reunited with my Europe trip family (most of them anyway), along with a few other old friends from my online school, and had one of the best days of my life, dressing up fancy, being in the company of such special people, and having the best (and first) barn party I’ve ever had (with only the Europe trip friends). Staying up until 5 am and waking up 2 hours later was so so so worth it. Fast forward again to the end of June and beginning of July, I finally got to go back to my Bible camp. My first true home away from home. I heard someone say last month that home to a person can be where they first met God. Camp is where I first met God for real (in the summer of 2017), or renewed my relationship with Him after it fizzed out. So in that sense (and others), camp has become my home. Anyhow, I got to go back there. Finally, after 6 months of waiting, I was back. I was back on the leader team, I got to spend a week with some of my new friends from the year before and grow those even more, and I made a few new ones too. My life is just booming with real relationships now. After that staff training week I went home and continued to work on schoolwork (because I hadn’t officially graduated yet... and still haven’t... we’ll get to that). Unfortunately I was only able to lead at camp for one week this summer, but it was by far the best week yet. It was tough and may have seemed like a complete failure, with all the hyper kids not listening and whatnot, but we had some real deep and powerful times together as a cabin. I even knew two of my campers from the year before (who were in the same cabin, on the same week, with my same co-leader). Since then I’ve kept the connections with a few of those kids and they’re becoming amazing young men. It’s so cool to watch. After the summer’s end party (where the first group chat I’ve been in since grade 11 that hasn’t died within 3 months was created with 2 other friends and the Bee Movie of all things), I went home for a couple weeks. I worked on some school, did the normal everyday routine, but I also frantically tried to buy supplies and pack and prepare, because I was going on a new adventure. Camp had invited me after my first summer in 2017 to join their internship program when I had graduated (or was at least old enough and close enough to graduating I guess). After initially saying no to myself and thinking nothing but fear about it, I went with it and on September 11 I moved to my new home with my new family. (And oh what a family. I would go on and on about how much I love them and how close we’ve grown in only almost 4 short months but that would take up your entire day. I love them and they’re some of the most special relationships in my life.) Nothing I’ve ever done has lived up to this decision. Oh, so many things are close, but this is a life changing thing. It’s taken my life, my plans, my dreams, and thrown a bowling ball at it. All while God sits up watching me saying “just you wait” with the biggest grin on His face. Not 3 months ago I had a plan for the next chapter of my life. Or at least a rough idea. I was going to go to college this next school year (2019-2020) and get my music career going. While things in my life have shifted, that’s still not been pushed out. It’s simply waiting its turn. At this point I still do think that will be a vital part of my life and probably my career. But right now I’m living at camp, doing amazing things working with youth groups and the camp itself. Camp is where I feel I’m supposed to be right now and so I’m 99% sure I’m going back again next year. Once the internship is done, if I stay, I’ll be a full time missionary there. A year-round staff that has more roles and responsibilities. That’s where my life is headed right now. I don’t know what all it will entail but I’m so incredibly ecstatic. My life is moving forward faster than it ever has and I couldn’t be more excited. I am still held back by school (I know, it’s January and I haven’t finished my crap from June) but it is close, and I think I’ll be done and back on my feet and full time at camp by next month sometime. This is what you get when you spend too much time having fun with other things. Procrastination kills your dreams. Stay in school, kids. 2019 is going to be an insane year. I turn 19 in a few months and will then be old enough to vote (which is valid because we might get a new Prime Minister this year) even though I know absolutely nothing, zilch, nada, about politics. As I said before, I’m probably going to stay another year (at least, we’ll see as we go) at camp. That’s big. I’ve been working on music more in 2018, even put out a few simple instrumental pieces, and I plan to learn and do more. Hopefully I’ll learn how to play a few of my songs and get them out there. Relationships. Those are going to grow more beautiful every day and that’s probably what I’m most excited for this year. It still blows my mind every day that I have these amazing connections that I always thought would take me until my 20′s to make. I think about them all every day and often get emotional because all the love I feel is overwhelming. I don’t know how to wrap this up nice and pretty. Maybe I don’t have to. This one is mostly for my collection. For those of you that care and read my little blurbs, I’m glad I can share with you and I hope you got something out of this. But this one’s mostly for my “online journal” that’s kind of embedded into this blog and woven throughout all the other posts I’ve made. It’s a record of my life through thoughts, feelings, and events that I like to keep. All this mess being said, I hope your 2018 was something you’re proud of and was filled with unforgettable joyous moments. I hope that your 2019 will be all that multiplied by... a really big number. With a few new twists thrown in there too. Merry late Christmas, happy late New Year. Goodbye 2018, you were a gem and a half. Welcome 2019, let’s make you two full gems.

[bluestringss]

I thought it was a phase lol

I visited my Tumblr account for the first time since April. I totally forgot I made that post about watching streams. It has been nine months and I’m still watching streams almost everyday. But there has been some updates and I would like to re-answer the questions from last April.

1. Who did you find first? When did you start watching them? - I started watching Sykkuno last November 2020. Then, I shifted on watching Valkyrae because she was on Youtube and it was easier for me to use back then.

2. Who is your favorite in OTV? - I still watch a lot of Yvonne’s streams. I barely watch other members’ streams. 

3. Who do you watch the most? - For the past few months, I have been only watching Natsumiii, hJune, yvonnie, and starsmitten’s. I sometimes watch BaboAbe’s.

4. Which streamer do you act most like? - My answer would still be the same. Natsumiii. There is a reason why I subbed to her and being calm is one of them.

5. Amigops or Salad Gang? - Neither. Update, I barely watch Amigops streams these days.

6. Morning lobbies or afternoon lobbies? - I have never watched morning lobbies because of the timezone.

7. What is your favorite game to watch them play? - I am not a gamer but Valorant was the easiest game for me to understand. - For some reason, watching them play Rust is satisfying for me, especially Harrison and Wendy’s.  - I like watching them play Minecraft too. - Gartic Phone and Tricky Towers are also fun to watch. 

8. Do you have any of their merch? - None. Money conversion and shipping fees are too much for me.

9. Who has the best streaming set-up in your opinion? - I would still say it's Fuslie but I really like Natsumiii's alerts. I like Celine’s set-up too.

10. Your favorite female streamer in OTV & F? - Natsumiii

11. Your favorite male streamer in OTV & F? - Sorry but I wouldn’t be subbed to hJune for almost four months now for no reason lol. 

12. Who inspires you most? - I watch them because of their wholesomeness and friendship. I'm trying to learn how to be a really nice and wholesome person from them. This is cringe but I'm desperate here lol. - Update, I still don’t know how lol

13. What's your least favorite game to watch them play? - I’m not a gamer so I don’t understand most the games they play. I’ve been watching them for months but it’s still hard me for me to keep up with the gaming terms. 

14. Are you subbed to anyone? If so, who? - Natsumiii and hJune

15. Whose music do you like most out of the OTV & F singers? - I listen to Lily's a lot. I also listen to Fuslie and Natsumiii's covers. Since hJune has been “officially” part of the friend group, I would include his covers here.

16. Do you participate in stream chat? - Sometimes but not that frequent

17. Have you ever made any fanart/edits? - Nope. I am not creative.

18. Are you in a Twitter group chat with other OTV & F fans? - No. I have been a fangirl for nine years now. I had enough of interactions through Internet lol. 

19. 100T or OTV? - OTV

20. Have you ever made/read any OTV fanfics? - No. I am not interested.

21. Roomies or Amigops? - None.

22. Have you ever gotten noticed by anyone in OTV & F? If so, who? - Natsumiii, Abe, hJune

23. What is a song that reminds you of your favorite streamer? - None. But I discovered several songs from them. - Are You Bored Yet? I learned from Michael and Lily. It took me a while to move on from this song. - Oh, Death by SUGR? Peter's cover really made me listen to the song. And Natsumiii often plays SUGR? on her streams. - I have to add Ultimately by Khai Dreams. I heard this from QuarterJade during that one duo night with Masayoshi.  - Georgia and Riptide by Vance Joy. I learned the singer from hJune and these songs are my favorite. - Lonely by Justin Bieber. hJune often plays this song on his stream. - I’m in Love by Ra.D. I love Wendy’s cover so much.  - Fast Cars. hJune’s live cover will be forever iconic.

I honestly don’t know if this is still a phase or my work will force me to stop watching streams. I still enjoy watching them and will keep on watching until I have to stop.

[restorerjourney]

Week 3 of 7 in Mazatlán

July 17, 2021

Buenos Tardes amigos! 

I’m starting to realize how different each week has been here in Mazatlán and that God has called us to an unexpected adventure here. Being a creature of habit, it’s been challenging but as long as I had my personal time with Jesus in the morning I’m ok with whatever God sends my way. Literally each week has been so different and unexpected. I will say that if you were to ask any of us who came from Kona, it has been overall challenging just living here. Since we don’t have freedom to have a/c in our rooms, we have nap in public spaces. The mosquitoes are Satan’s minion workers, the HUMIDITY is just nasty, and not having the comforts or personal space that we would like. My back hurts from the ultra thin mattress here and my knees hurt from going up and down the stairs so much. There are so many flies here and during meal time, we have to swat them away. This experience has really made me realize how weak I am when it comes to surrendering my comforts and freedom. Still God has clearly spoken to me that this time is a precious time with my team and what God has in store for me and I would regret it if I don’t give it my all. 

Here are some highlights of what has happened this past week..

Monday: Morning corporate worship was fire. It’s so cool to see how in YWAM they have a similar way of worshipping freely led by the Holy Spirit but with Mazatlán flavor. The base here is much smaller here than in Kona, and since most of the people at the base are from Mexico, the best way I could describe it is there is a theme of passion for the Lord. It’s authentic, passionate, and sweet. I love seeing other nations worship the same Lord, reminding us we are all one big family because we have that connection. We felt led to worship Him, revering Jesus as Holy and that alone took 2 hours but it was so good. The rest of the day was difficult because seems to be lack of organization due to miscommunication amongst the leaders so we had a hard time finding rooms that were not already occupied or we would have something planned and all of sudden our schedule changed because it was not known to the leaders who are young and doing multiple different things. Also our team was struggling with unity as one of the team member was going through personal struggles.You would think personal issues don’t affect your community but being this close with our team in close proximity made it so obvious if something was burdening you. Thankfully it was addressed and we are doing much better. During that period I had to repent of my lack of patience, kindness, and gentleness when I first heard it. God gently reminded me that I am in no place to judge others when I myself make mistakes similar to this person everyday. We then did our first Alpha course for the Stone Island church plant that we partnered with. Alpha course is a platform to make Jesus known. There is a casual invitation to a meal, watching a 20 minute video made by Alpha that is 11 weeks long talk about about different aspects of Christianity and who Jesus is, and an open discussion..,NOT a bible study. The focus is to make Jesus known and that means to allow others to speak their mind and for us to love and walk with them in this journey. This is also to partner and equip the church plant there. The pastor’s name is Efriam and we met 3 other church plant members who will be mostly running Alpha when we leave Mazatlán. This pastor is only in his 30s but he loves Jesus. What moves my heart about him is that his wife is in America with a chronic illness yet he faithfully and joyfully serves the Lord. The Stone Island people here are also so friendly and open to the gospel. I really do feel privileged to be able to help in anyway I can. We were nervous about what to expect on how our first Alpha day would be and my job was to train and help run the entire event. It was stressful since the children were running around, mosquitoes loved my blood, and we had no idea what to expect, but I would say overall it was successful. We only had 6 guests come but it was a blessing in disguise because the front yard of the house that hosted the event was small and with COVID it was safer than having a large group. Most of the guests were new Christians and Catholics and they really enjoyed their time but we could tell during the discussion questions they were more focused on saying the right answer. After Alpha ended at 8:30pm ( which was really late) we debriefed to make it earlier and encouraged the host leaders ( the church plant leaders) to be more vulnerable to create that safe place for the guests to be honest with their thoughts. 

Tuesday: One of our team member, Winnie, got a stomach virus and had a fever. I stayed behind with her since I was exhausted from Alpha yesterday and thankfully her fever went down. We truly believed she healed so quickly because of prayers. In the afternoon we went to a local hospital to give out sandwiches, juice, sing praise songs, and share the gospel. It’s so cool to see how the people of Mazatlán are so open to hearing the gospel and sharing about their lives. We saw a man’s hearing get healed in front of our eyes and while a man saw all that was happening, he approached us in tears. He shared how he was so moved by what we did and that it was so beautiful. He felt the love that we poured on the patients here. We saw another woman have her injured knee healed and leave without crutches. We saw a young girl and her aunt want to do a DTS in YWAM Mazatlán. It really was one miracle and changed life after another. 

Wednesday: I was feeling down since I was supposed to get my period sometime by now and I still haven’t gotten it. I questioned if I was healed and felt frustrated with God. I saw how my identity was rooted in my period and promise of being a mother. After wrestling with this, God reminded me that I was healed, that this was a time of surrendering in His time, and to focus my identity and foundation in Him. I thought of Abraham and Sarah on their promise to have children yet God was not doing things the way they expected...or even when Abraham had to sacrifice his son Isaac yet he know God promised that through Isaac, he would have descendants as numerous as the stars. In the end Abraham obeyed to trust God and I felt the similar call to surrender and to trust in God and His promise that He already said to me. 

In the afternoon we did street evangelism where we wrote handmade prophetic notes with snacks and gave them out to people at the park. We also worshipped and shared the gospel to the people there. The highlight for me was seeing one of my team member’s earnestly share the gospel to this man and he shared some vulnerable struggles with him. Another highlight was when I shared the gospel to a family who was on vacation. At first the father refused the snack but then when I shared them through the Holy Spirit about me and my other team member being doctors and how we realized in our career that life is too short and that without Jesus there is no hope. Surprisingly they all accepted Jesus into their life and I saw the difference in how they acted towards us. 

Thursday: In the morning we had corporate intercessory worship and prayer at the base and we were led to intercede for the cartels in Mexico and Columbia. It was so powerful and so beautiful to hear us declare freedom and God’s original design for the cartel’s. In the afternoon we went to our chosen ministry that we dedicated every Thursday. I chose to go to Stone Island again so that I could continue to maintain and grow my relationship and heart for the people there. At Stone Island there are 3 ministries: Children’s, Rehab, and House visits. We are working with a missionary who decided to live in Stone Island 7 years ago to help him to share the love of Christ. That day we did find out that two of the church plant members found out they had COVID. We were still able to visit the Island but had to be really good about wearing our masks and keeping our distance since we didn’t want the locals to think we were being reckless. Thankfully overall our team is not symptomatic and we are all vaccinated. As Esther, Eunchong, Dayeli ( one of the church plant members), and I did our house visit we met a lady coming out of her house with the friendliest smile. We were cautious because we wanted to respect her if she was worried about COVID but she ended up being less worried about it than us and invited us to her back porch. We all sat in worn out chairs and thankfully we found out that her and her husband are vaccinated but we took precautions. She shared that 3 months ago there was a group of missionaries that came to visit her and her husband. She really enjoyed their company and was excited to see us. Her name is Norma and her husband’s name was Miguel. They are in their upper 60’s and have 4 children but one of them who was 40-years-old died from a boat accident a month ago. Surprisingly she was not a mess and she had the peace of God in her. She is Catholic and her husband is Christian. We felt led to pray for them and they were so grateful and moved. I’m not going to lie, as we prayed, there was a swarm of mosquitoes eating us and praying for them while being still and letting the mosquitoes have full access to my body was DIFFICULT but it was worth it. She gave us a bag of mangoes on our way back home! 

Friday: Because of the recent news of two of the four church plant members having COVID, we decided to pray and hear from God what we should do. Although the base director said according to CDC guidelines since we are all vaccinated without current COVID like symptoms we are not required to be tested, we felt led to get tested to protect the locals. We also felt led to postpone the Alpha course until Efrian and Danna are fully recovered. Because our primary goal for Alpha is to partner with the local church, we felt led that during the next two weeks to pray and help the church in any other way they need us to help. We won’t be able to get tested until tomorrow so for now our schedule will be up in the air and we need to remain flexible to wherever God calls us to do. We decided to not go to Stone Island last night, so yesterday and today it ended up being a day of rest for us. It is hard because we are not allowed to leave the base and it is similar to a quarantine. We believe however it is a time to focus on our intimacy with Jesus which we all felt convicted needs to be first before ministry. 

Prayer requests:

1) Intimacy with Jesus before ministry

2) Healing and no complications for Efrian and Danna. Danna also was in a car accident and injured her neck and arm. Right now Mexico’s cases of COVID are high and are at full capacity. Please pray for quick healing, no complications, and resources to be sent to the hospitals here.

3) That none of our team members would be COVID positive tomorrow when we get tested. We have one of our leaders who we think has the flu and fatigue. We will be getting tested tomorrow.

4) Unity in Christ and direction to what God has called us for the following week. 

Gracias! 

Alicia

[rebelmeg]

Let's Get Personal

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?  Recently, it's been "Secret Love Song" by Little Mix, "Poison" by Rita Ora, "What Ifs" by Kane Brown and Lauren Alaina, "U and Ur Hand" by P!nk, "Perfect Matchup" by Kenny and London Holland, and The Greatest Showman soundtrack 2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?  Robert Downey Jr. 3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.  “When was the last night or day you took time off?” 4: What do you think about most?  Writing.  A new idea, a current idea, something I need to jot down, something I need to fix, the one I want to read. 5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?  I'm fine, unless you want the time. 6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?  Underwear. 7: What’s your strangest talent?  Personalizing or adding to things that probably do not need to be personalized.  (The beige Calvin Klein purse was BORING so I defiled something expensive to make it more “me”.) 8: Finish the sentence.  Girls… are strong; Boys… are allowed to be soft. 9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?  Not that I know of. 10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?  I'm not an air guitar person, I have a THING about looking stupid and I’m certain that I can’t pull off looking cool doing air guitar. 11: Do you have any strange phobias?  Nah, just the regular ones. 12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?  Don't think so? 13: What’s your religion?  LDS 14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?  Walking to my car. 15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?  Behind, definitely. 16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?  I do hate this question.  I'll go with Queen, it's the first one that popped into my head. 17: What was the last lie you told?  I don't recall. 18: Do you believe in karma?  Eh, sorta 19: What does your URL mean?  I am and have always been a little bit of a rebel. 20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?  Weakness, personal motivation and time management.  Strength, creativity. 21: Who is your celebrity crush?  RDJ and Sebastian Stan 22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?  Yep. 23: How do you vent your anger?  Stewing about it, venting to other people. 24: Do you have a collection of anything?  Soooo many collections... I collect shot glasses as my travel souvenir. 25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?  Phone. 26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?  For the most part. 27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?  Permanent markers on cardboard boxes give me the heebie-jeebie shivers, the sound of a soda pop tab opening a can makes me swoon with happiness. 28: What’s your biggest “what if”?  I'm not sure.  Maybe what if I'd married someone else (not a desire at all, but something I've wondered about from time to time), my life would be entirely different from what it is now. 29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?  No and yes, but not in the traditional sense. 30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.  The chair next to me on the right, the child that is being clingy on the left. 31: Smell the air. What do you smell?  My house and my perfume. 32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?  A casino. 33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?  I've never been to the East Coast, so I can't really say. 34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?  Oh geez, I don't know. 35: To you, what is the meaning of life?  To do your best, be kind, and be happy. 36: Define Art.  Life made viewable. 37: Do you believe in luck?  Not really. 38: What’s the weather like right now?  Rainstorm is heading this way. 39: What time is it?  9:31 am 40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?  Yep and yep.  Not a big crash, though, minor one.  Fixed the alignment! 41: What was the last book you read?  Currently reading "Blood Fury" by JR Ward 42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?  Don't mind it as long as it's not too strong. 43: Do you have any nicknames?  A fair slew.  Meg, Megs, Rebel, Mom, Mama, and then standard endearments. 44: What was the last film you saw?  Geostorm, I think. 45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?  Not sure if this counts as an injury, but I ended up in the hospital with a miscarriage that required surgery.  If that doesn't count, I broke my foot falling out of a tree. 46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?  Yep!  I found one on the grass once during recess as a kid when it was raining, it was close to getting crushed by the other kids playing ball. I held it cupped in my hands so I could show my teacher, its wings dried while I held it, and it flew away while we all watched. 47: Do you have any obsessions right now?  Fandom ones, heck yeah. 48: What’s your sexual orientation?  Straight. 49: Ever had a rumor spread about you?  Probably. 50: Do you believe in magic?  Everyday magic, yes. 51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?  Yeah. 52: What is your astrological sign?  Libra 53: Do you save money or spend it?  I spend like it's burning a hole in my pocket. 54: What’s the last thing you purchased?  Lunch last week. 55: Love or lust?  Love 56: In a relationship?  Yes 57: How many relationships have you had?  Just one serious one. 58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?  Not quite. 59: Where were you yesterday?  Home. 60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?  My elbow is resting on a pair of my daughter's pink underwear. 61: Are you wearing socks right now?  Yep, I love socks. 62: What’s your favorite animal?  Bears, penguins, peacocks, owls, dogs. 63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?  Being kind and friendly. 64: Where is your best friend?  Teaching school. 65: Give me your top 5 favorite blogs on Tumblr.  Oh geez, I can't narrow it down to just five! 66: What is your heritage? Mostly British, good mix of other UK and European ancestors, I’m a 2nd generation American. 67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?  Watching Gilmore Girls and folding laundry. 68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?  Don't think he has one. 69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?  Of course. 70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?  I hope so. 71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?  Save the dog quickly. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die?  Yes, everyone. b) What do you do with your remaining days? Be as happy as possible and spend as much time with the people I love as possible.  c) Would you be afraid?  Heck yes. 73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.  A huge part of love IS trust, so love. 74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?  Goody Goody by Julie Lavery, it's an upbeat, bouncy song.  (Which is funny, because the lyrics tell a sad story) 75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?  Nope, I use it as a passcode for stuff sometimes. 76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?  Humor, taking care of each other. 77: How can I win your heart?  Interact with me. 78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?  Yep. 79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?  To start writing again. 80: What size shoes do you wear?  7 81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?  *shrugs* Something nice. 82: What is your favorite word?  Popcorn.  I love the sound and the visual appearance of the way the letters are arranged. 83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.  Love, courage, strength. 84: What is a saying you say a lot?  "Best thing ever!" 85: What’s the last song you listened to?  "Hey Soul Sister" by Train 86: Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?  Purple! 87: What is your current desktop picture?  Shamrocks 88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?  I don't know enough to be able to make that decision.  Also, too many corrupt world leaders to narrow it down, I think. 89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?  I can think of many. 90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?  "I am too tired for this nonsense, either sit down and chill or go downstairs and wait until morning." 91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?  Time manipulation without accelerated aging.  I just want to be able to nap whenever I want and have time to catch up on my Netflix list... 92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?  The first time my hubby and I held hands when we were dating.  It was perfect and absolutely adorable. 93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?  Ugh, I'm not sure, there are two that immediately spring to mind that were pretty awful. 94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?  I have no idea. 95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?  Europe.  Anywhere in Europe, but particularly the UK. 96: Do you have any relatives in jail?  I don't think so? 97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?  I'm sure I did when I was a kid, but not that I can remember. 98: Ever been on a plane?  Finally went on one for the first time a couple years ago! 99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?  Be kind.

[beautifulblueeyedwarrior]

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? I don’t think so. 2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? Maybe possibly 3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? No idea 4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? Yes 5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? Not talking to anyone right now  6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? No. 7. What exactly are you wearing right now? Pajamas :) 8. How often do you listen to music? Everyday 9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? Leggings/Sweats 10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2020? Not dramatically no 11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? a little bit of both 12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? Yes 13. What about ‘R’? Yes 14. Can you drive a stick shift? No 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? Lil bit 16. Are you going out of town soon? I don’t think so 17. When was the last time you cried? today 18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? yes 19. If you could change your eye color, would you? idk maybe  20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? probably  21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. The Fosters wasn’t on :( 22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? yes yes yes 23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? no lol 24. What are you sitting on right now? my couch  25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? no  26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? yes  27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? mom? 28. Do you get a lot of colds? no 29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? old navy 30. Does anyone hate you? idk 31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? not hidden lol 32. Do you like watching scary movies? Yeah sometimes 33. Do you want your tongue pierced? no 34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? the year my parent’s got divorced 35. Did you have a dream last night? no  36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? idk 37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? i hope so 38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?  no 39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? no 40. Did you have a good day yesterday? yeah ig 41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? no 42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? idk 43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? yeah 44. What’s the best part about school? being around friends 45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? yes, lots 46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? yes all the time lol 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? yeah pretty often 48. Were you single over the last summer? I think so 49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? no 50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? nothing lol 51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? No not at all 52. Are you nice to everyone? i try to 53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? yeah i think so 54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? yes  55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? ehh 56. Do you think you like someone? sorta 57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? I don’t think so but not 100% sure 58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? girls? 59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? yes all of them have 60. Do you hate anyone? No 61. How’s your heart? Its fine 62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? Yeah  63. Have you ever cried over a guy? Yes 64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? I don’t know, hopefully no one 65. Are your toenails painted pink? No 66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? No  67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? idk 68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? no 69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? my mom? 70. How do you look right now? okay 71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? yeah my best friend 72. Can you commit to one person?  yeah 73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? no 74. Have you ever felt replaced? no 75. Did you wake up cranky? no 76. Are you a jealous person? I am a little bit 77. Are relationships ever worth it? Absolutely 78. Anyone you’re giving up on? No 79. Currently wanting to see anyone? Yeah 80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? Work 81. Last person you cried in front of? Idk, my dog? my mom? or my best friend? 82. Is there someone you will never forget? yeah 83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? no 84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? probably cuddling idk  85. Are you over your past? ehh 86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? no 87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? yes 88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? it depends 89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? no cuz it was a random guy at a bar lol 90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? idk  91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? Idk i hope so 92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? Yes, my uncle  93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? Nope 94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? Nope 95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? idk who i liked in march and it hasn’t been march yet this year 96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? yes 97. Who do you have texts from? best friend, mom, tattoo artist friend... 98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? okay 99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? yes 100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? Alex Aiono...Love him 101. Ever kissed under fireworks? No i wish  102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? Yess

[notalk-justthought]

all

oh geez scoobert

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? -im pretty sure my mom meant it

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? -preferably, no…

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? -idk

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? -yeah!

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? -don’t think so my dude

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? -uhh no?

7. What exactly are you wearing right now? -black jeans, black and white shirt, black and white flannel (so a gay emo)

8. How often do you listen to music? -everyday (*Everyday from hsm2 plays*)

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? -jeans, tho I wish i had more sweats

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013? -it actually did… not in the best way but ive resolved that now

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? -uhh both? idk

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? -nope never kissed anyone (but i wanna)

13. What about ‘R’? -nope

14. Can you drive a stick shift? -i havent driven a car in over a year

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? -kinda, but i’d rather not hear it

16. Are you going out of town soon? -uhhh no

17. When was the last time you cried? -i cant remember

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? -not in a romantic way, but family/platonic way, hell yeah 

19. If you could change your eye color, would you? -no, i like my brown eyes

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? -ha no

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. -uh idk its been pretty good

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? -yeah (also girls)

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? -nope

24. What are you sitting on right now? -a swivel chair

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? -no

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? -yeah

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? -…uh either Erica or Alex… i cant remember

28. Do you get a lot of colds? -no, i get a cold like once a year

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? -uniclo 

30. Does anyone hate you? -i dont think so? idk

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? -nope

32. Do you like watching scary movies? -YES

33. Do you want your tongue pierced? -hm no

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? -….idk 2017? that was a year for me

35. Did you have a dream last night? -already answered

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? -like 2 hours ago to my mom

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? -nope

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you? -i dont think so but who knows

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? (X) Doubt

40. Did you have a good day yesterday? -yeah

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? -nope

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? -not like a date, but just chillin yeah

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? -…maybe? idk

44. What’s the best part about school? -highschool, not much. college, do things without asking, you can just do it

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? -yeah

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? -no

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? -yeah

48. Were you single over the last summer? -Oh yeah

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? -barely

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? -nothing really

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? -no

52. Are you nice to everyone? -yeah

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? -there’s at least five people i liked i didnt think i would 

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? -yeah, cheating is a shit thing to do my dudes, don’t fuckin do it

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? -more or less

56. Do you think you like someone? -not currently,,, i dont think…??

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? -no

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? -both, but it’s been a while since i’ve been good friends with a guy…

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? -when i was like 7

60. Do you hate anyone? -eh idk if i hate him but i wouldn’t want to talk to him now

61. How’s your heart? -already answered

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? -yeah

63. Have you ever cried over a guy? -maybe?

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? -idk

65. Are your toenails painted pink? -nope

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? -hope no

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? -i dont want anyone to cry unless it’s happy crying

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? -no

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? -my mom

70. How do you look right now? -uh probably tired

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? -uh idk,,,

72. Can you commit to one person? -yeah

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? -hmm no

74. Have you ever felt replaced? -yeah

75. Did you wake up cranky? -no

76. Are you a jealous person? -i can be

77. Are relationships ever worth it? -im sure they can be

78. Anyone you’re giving up on? -no

79. Currently wanting to see anyone? -i wanna see Daria, i miss her!! also my cat Ti

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? -finish coding a thing for my comp sci class

81. Last person you cried in front of? -uhhhhhh dunno

82. Is there someone you will never forget? -well im currently forgetting everyone that i know so ummm …yeah

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? -i dont like anyone

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? -laying on the floor looking at the ceiling and talking about something or on our phones and enjoying each other’s company

85. Are you over your past? -eh more or less

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? -once upon a time….

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? -no

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? -okay idk if he would be my first love and if so, definitely not

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? -so no one?

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? -no

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? -who knows my dude

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? -uh this one guy at the summer camp i volunteered at

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? -nope

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? -nah brah

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? -have i liked anyone this month? idk

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? -Erica is gayly attractive *wink wonk*

97. Who do you have texts from? -A fair amount of people..

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? - “oh nice!”

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? -no ;-;

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? -whomst?

101. Ever kissed under fireworks? -no fireaughreia BIRTHDAY GOALS

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? -yeah

[rhoewrites]

a thought everyday since you left.

legends:  DAY N - grieving/moving on DAY N - getting better/trying to be better DAY N - moved on and/or healing

DAY 1

You told me you’ll never be like them, but you turned out to be just like everybody else. 

DAY 2

Did you let me go because you didn’t love me enough to stay?

DAY 3

I’d give anything to have you back and for you to love me like how you used to.

DAY 4

Are you coming back? Do I wait for you?

DAY 5

Too many thoughts and questions that I can’t put into words.

DAY 6

Do you cry yourself to sleep too?

DAY 7

I loved every single inch of your body and soul yet you still left.

DAY 8

Barely holding on to life because the one thing I’m looking forward to left.

DAY 9

What do I have to do to be enough for you?

 DAY 10

Realized that the next time I see you, you aren’t mine anymore. 

DAY 11

Why do you act like you still care about me in that way when you’re the one who left? 

DAY 12

You told me you’ll always pick me, every hour, every minute, and every second of every day, I was never informed it had a deadline.

DAY 13

I’ll miss the feeling of your lips in mine, with nothing in mind but love.

DAY 14

I miss you.

DAY 15

Your world only lost its colors, mine lost everything.

DAY 16

I hope you’re doing fine, but I also hope you’re as miserable as me.

 DAY 17

I wonder if you still love me. Maybe not. 

DAY 18

I’m tired of being sad but what can I do about it?

DAY 19

Sulking and sulking, while you’re getting better. Sucks to be me.

DAY 20

Everything hurts at this point and I really can’t do anything about it.

DAY 21

Please come back, I can’t take this anymore. Love me again, just like before.

DAY 23

I need distractions, I need you out of my head.

DAY 24

I keep dreaming of you and it sucks. You already left, can you leave my head and heart too?

DAY 25

I wrote a song about you, a song you’ll never hear, of course.

DAY 26

Am I even making progress?

DAY 27

I miss the way you look at me, full of love, full of admiration, will you ever look at me the same way?

DAY 28

I love you more than anything, that will never change.

DAY 29

I miss your random I love you’s, I really took them for granted, huh?

DAY 30

I need to be better, I need to move on too, like you already did.

DAY 31

I made a move, I gave myself the biggest distraction I could give myself, I hope it works out.

DAY 32

It’s been a month, huh? I wonder if you already moved on.

DAY 33

I don’t honestly if I’ll be able to move on, maybe soon enough, I will, but I think my love will continue even without you here now

DAY 34

You told me things you hate about me, you said you hate me. Even if you said it’s just the slightest, it really hurt me.

DAY 35

You’re really good at hurting me, maybe you can add it as a professional skill of yours.

DAY 36

I wish I could turn back time and make myself less of a bother back then, or maybe turn back to the time of not meeting you at all. 

DAY 37

It hurts so much, listening to Harry Styles reminds me of you and I hate it. You made the most beautiful of songs sound painful.

DAY 38

I hope you’re finally happy.

DAY 39

The moment I think I’m doing okay after some time of sulking you HAVE to show up again and make me lose my progress. AGAIN. Why won’t you let me recover?

DAY 40

You are confusing, do you care or you just don’t want to see me happy?

DAY 41

I hate that I can hate you in the morning but still love you wholeheartedly at the end of the day.

DAY 42

You’re just a friend now. You’re just a friend now. You’re just a friend now. Repeat until true.

DAY 43

We could’ve been 8 months now, but we didn’t make it.

DAY 44

I hope I can just quickly forget you like how fast you dropped me.

DAY 45

I hate that I’m still not over you, and you’re even pushing me to others now just clearly shows you’re over me.

DAY 46

I wonder how you’re doing, your mind, your heart, your emotions, are they okay?  Are you okay?

DAY 47

It’s been so hard today. When will this pain stop?

DAY 48

Every day’s the same. It’s so tiring, I don’t want to feel like this anymore.

DAY 49

Heard you’re already talking and getting attached to someone new, fuck you and fuck her. It’s so unfair.

DAY 50

I blocked you, please let me heal. Enough with the pain, I have to heal, I have to grow, I have to be okay. For my sake.

DAY 51

I’m trying to be better, trying to be more involved in creating stuff or writing, this works.

DAY 52

I was doing fine in the morning but it really hits hard at 4 am, I miss you, so bad. If only you knew.

DAY 53

Feeling a little better today, but I can’t deny that I miss you, and I know you don’t and it sucks.

DAY 54

You went private. I can’t stalk you anymore, maybe it really begins now.

DAY 55

I’m the biggest clown I know, I can’t believe I still love you after all.

DAY 56

Did you forget that I was even alive? Did you forget, everything we’ve ever had? Did you forget about me?

DAY 57

Sometimes I’m feeling better, sometimes I don’t, but it’s okay. It’s a progress, my progress. I’ll be fine too, one day.

DAY 58

I deleted most of our pictures on IG, you know how hard it is for a memory hoarder like me but I need to stop romanticizing the pain, I need to let you go.

DAY 59

I burned the roses, along with some of the love I still have with you. You already let me go, and I should too.

DAY 60

I tried to look back on our chats post break up, we did talk a lot, maybe that’s why it’s hard now, it’s just about to sink in real deep.

DAY 61

I feel a little bit better today, I hope it continues.

DAY 62

There are really some days that I just break down, this is one of those days.

DAY 63

I don’t feel the need of stalking you and her anymore, and honestly it feels great.

DAY 64

There are sad moments, but it doesn’t take a whole day for me now, and I think that’s progress.

DAY 65

I’ve deleted the videos on YouTube, it was a lot. I left 6 of them, for the sake of memories. For the sake of remembering the good times when I finally heal.

DAY 66

I keep burning pictures when I’m reminded of you, and let me tell you, shits therapeutic.

DAY 67

I’m proud to say that I’m doing better, I’m happy I’m learning to let go.

DAY 68

I love you and I miss you, but I also do not want you back.

 DAY 69

I’m outgrowing you, and honestly it feels good. I’m not mad at you anymore, you’re just a beautiful part of my history, my memory.

DAY 70

I tried adding and following you again, but it seems like you ignored me, I don’t really mind if you really want me out of your life now.

DAY 71

You appeared in my dreams though, like everything’s back to before, but I also know it will be just a dream.

DAY 72

Thursday, 11 days before I become an adult. It sure feels good to be better every day, without anybody’s help.

DAY 73

Letting go is hard, but once you’ve started it, it just gets better and better from there.

DAY 74

You still pop up in my mind before I drift to sleep and the moment I wake up, but looking back, I don’t feel as heavy as before.

DAY 75

You can really do something if you really set your mind to it, and telling myself to actually let go of you is hard, but it sure feels great.

DAY 76

Realizations hit you hard when you’re no longer in love, all the bad things I’ve done, all the bad things you’ve done, I guess we were really on the same page.

DAY 77

Something is still bothering me, I have to do something, I think that will really help me drop you off and get on with my own life.

DAY 78

I apologized to you, no hidden messages, no reading between the lines. Full transparency. I’ve kept my promise to be honest and true up to that last letter.

DAY 79

So that’s what’s keeping me in the pit, that’s what is pulling me down; my guilt. Now that I have apologized, I feel free. A prisoner in her own cell found the key and freed herself.

DAY 80

From a thought about you every day to listing out my progress, I think that’s growth.

DAY 81

Loving you was amazing, I’d tell you that, but loving me is marvelous.

DAY 82

I’ve never been this happy for a long time. It feels unbelievable. I thought I can never be happy without you but I forgot there’s a lot of people who love me, having myself and them is more than enough.

DAY 83

Less of those down days, I’m completely getting better, and I just love it.

DAY 84

I miss you, but not the person I once loved romantically, but the best friend that I had.

DAY 85

I missed being young, I miss not giving a fuck about anything because I’m just a kid, nobody can ever make me feel that way but One Direction.

DAY 86

I had flashbacks today. Folklore is just THAT album. It reminded me of you, of myself, in so many ways I can’t describe. I think I’m going to have a relapse.

DAY 87

I can’t stop listening to Folklore even if it hurts, but at the same time it’s also nostalgic to listen to. She fully described the emotions and thoughts of the person I was on day one.

DAY 88

You cross my mind sometimes, but it doesn’t hurt anymore.

DAY 89

Friendship breakups are hard, but if I got over you for leaving me, I’ll move on for losing my best friend too.

DAY 90

It feels surreal sometimes that I went through a lot for the past 90 days, but I’m really glad that I did. It just proves nothing really lasts forever, even your pain and sufferings.

DAY 91

I miss my old enthusiastic self, but I’ll get her back. I’ll find her again.

DAY 92

Did a list of to dos and don’ts, I’ll live up to it.

DAY 93

I’m loving myself, a little by little, every day.

DAY 94

Just realizing the things I wish I realized sooner, and maybe I could’ve saved both me and you some time.

DAY 95

Surprisingly, I’m content with being alone now.

DAY 96

You are still important to me, I’m not gonna lie, but I don’t love you that way anymore. You’re just a dear friend to me and a beautiful part of my past that I’ll surely never forget. Remembering you doesn’t bring me pain anymore.

DAY 97

Hearing news of you being not who you used to be, changing into a bad version of yourself. I know before I also bad mouthed you publicly, but that was because I was hurt, now that you’re doing it, is it because you’re in pain right now?

DAY 98

I can get mad at you for acting the way you are right now but I can never hate you. 

DAY 99

I’d fall in love over and over again to the version of you that I first met, but you’re a completely different person now, that’s not you anymore. I don’t love you anymore.

DAY 100

Hey, I made it. Just months ago I thought I wouldn’t but here I am, standing strong today.

DAY 101

I can’t deal with the news I keep hearing about you, I really want to help you but I can’t do that now, since I’m not a part of your life anymore. I’ll leave the job to experience, I guess.

DAY 102

I’m going to finally cut you off too, I hope you’ll realize things and grow out of your bad habits like I did. If this life would be kind and reconnect us some time in the future, that would be great, too. I hope you really find that inner peace now.

DAY 103

I blocked you everywhere. I don’t want to associate myself with you anymore, maybe not right now. See you when I see you, I guess.

DAY 104

You cross my mind every once in a while but I think that’s normal, because I once loved you more than anything and anyone else, and I never lied when I said you’ll always have a special place in my heart, and even I say I don’t, a part of me will still care about you. I hope you completely heal soon, I hope we both will.

DAY 105

Thank you for everything, for the smiles, the joyful days, even for the tears and the sorrowful days. Thank you for being a part of my growth. 

I’ve learned that someone could be the whole song for you but you're just a line on a song for them. 

 I’m ending it all here.