#i have in fact written like a whole one shot fic for the ending of it

[wardenparker]

If You Were Mine, pt 1

Javier Peña x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst

Rating: Mature. But this blog is always 18+ Word Count: 15.8k   Warnings: Mentions of sex work, smoking, food/alcohol, mentions of past Steve x reader, angst, yearning, the love in requited but they’re both idiots, there’s only one bed, Chucho is the best, this fic has a cockblocking dog and I’m ecstatic about it. Summary: When you and Javi are both suspended and deported from Colombia pending investigation, the truth about what got you into trouble and the onus of trying to decide what comes next hangs over you like a black cloud. Out of guilt - and maybe something else - Javi invites you to stay at the ranch with him while you wait for your hearings. And that’s when things start to get more complicated. Notes: Part one of two! I told Keri that I wanted to write a little wedding date one shot and it got wildly out of hand. And I’m so glad it did, because I love these two idiots.

“So, uh, call me when you land.” Steve Murphy looks decided unhappy, maybe a little nervous as he looks between you and Javi. It’s all out in the open now, the secret spilled, but he’s still not sure how his other partner feels about the revelation that had been the nail in the coffin for sending you back to the States. “Gonna miss you both.”

“I’ll miss you, too.” What had passed between you and Steve didn’t damage your friendship with him or change your working relationship in any way, although it had threatened to. Now, though? Now that everyone knows? You had no work at all. “I’ll let you know where I end up. Don’t know how long it will take me to get back on my feet.”

Guilt is a heavy thing, weighing around Javi’s neck as he shuffles and shifts his bag on his shoulder. You’ve been suspended indefinitely and he doesn’t know what that means for you. Although there’s a long flight back to Miami to talk about it.

The time is ticking by interminably slowly, but you swallow and give Steve a tight, brief hug. “We should go.” You’re on the same flight, so there’s no escaping having to talk to Javier, but you’re not looking forward to it. The whole thing has been a whirlwind.

Javi watches you hug Steve, wondering if there was anything there beyond what had been said. A drunken, sad night where partners decided to fall into bed together. The pang of jealousy is surprising and unwanted.

"Call me when you get back to Texas?" Steve claps Javi on the back and clears his throat, holding back the fact that he's actually pretty fucking emotional about the whole thing. Both of his partners being ejected from the country in one fell swoop isn't a good situation to be in.

“Get the bastard.” Regret laces his words, hating that he had worked so fucking hard and done so much only to be kicked off the team here at the end. He can feel that it’s close, Escobar is backed into a corner.

"Promise." One more pat to his shoulder and Steve is stepping back to shove his hands in his pockets. Colombia is going to be a hell of a lot more lonely without you and Javi here to keep him sane. Or, at least, mutually insane.

The call to board the plane comes over the airport speakers and Javi looks at you. “Looks like that’s us.” He murmurs, hating how defeated you look.

One more round of goodbyes and you’re picking up your purse to hand your ticket to the gate agent. You and Javi have seats right next to each other because the secretary who booked them had thought she was being nice, but the fact that you’ll have hours to talk might not be the best thing in the world. You don’t know yet. There’s a lot Javi doesn’t know about you still – after all, you’d only been in Colombia for a year. Less time even than Steve.

There’s a certain familiarity with storing the bags, getting settled into a seat. You are on the inside seat with Javier sitting on the aisle; but he wonders if you are comfortable with that. “Do you want to swap seats? Or are you good being by the window?”

"I like the window." It's a kind of meditation, but you don't know if he would understand that or not. "Unless..." You glance up at him from your place a few feet away. "Did you want it? I can deal with the aisle."

“No.” He shakes his head and steps back to allow you to move into the seat. “I’ll put your bag up.”

"Thanks." Your oversized tote bag goes to him and you keep only a book for yourself, knowing you won't be able to concentrate on much. The two of you settle into your seats as the other passengers file in and settle down around you. "So you're going back to Texas?" It's what Steve had said, so you figure it must be the case.

“Yeah.” Javi taps his fingers, wishing he could smoke but they had stopped that years ago. “Where are you headed?”

"I'll find a hotel when we get to Miami." There's nothing for you to go home to even if you did go back to your hometown, so you'll have to figure out how to start fresh. Your job experience is intensely specialized, but you'll figure something out.

“You—I’m sure they will call you back to D.C.” he offers quietly. “You’re too good of an agent to let you go. It’ll probably be some bullshit slap on the wrist.”

"Then I guess I'll find a place in DC if they decide not to kick me out on my ass." You shake your head and sit back, shrugging a little when you look over at him. "There's no guarantees in life, Jav. You know that."

“Give it a month.” He predicts with a very guilty conscience. Barely able to look at you. “You don’t want to go home?” He asks. “Visit with your folks?”

"Can't." The fact that he can't even meet your eyes stings more than it should, and you look out the window at the runway instead. "Sister says I'm ungrateful for not dropping everything and coming home when our Mom died, and Dad left when I was a kid. So a heartwarming family reunion isn't exactly in the cards."

“I’m sorry.” He winces slightly and swallows. “That’s– that's shitty. Not the welcome home I guess you imagined.”

"I kinda didn't think I'd be going back at all," you admit with another half-hearted shrug. "At least...if I did it would either be with a job or in a bag, ya know?"

A real possibility in the line of work that you’ve chosen. He musters the courage to finally meet your eyes. “Why did you do it?”

"Which?" The hammer had come down on you for two reasons, but he hadn't known about either of them. "Why did I get drunk and sloppy, or why did I get sentimental?"

“Whatever it was that made them send you home.” He doesn’t believe it’s all because of fucking Steve. There’s something else that he hasn’t been told.

"I'm surprised we got separate meetings, honestly." Sitting back, you tilt your head at him and wish like hell that you could still have a cigarette on an airplane. Or that they would hurry up and start serving alcohol already. "I went to Judy and Don Berna and tried to bargain for your safety," you tell him quietly. "After you told me...about everything. When it was getting bad. And Judy threw me under the bus right along with you." It had been an impulsive move, trying desperately to get Javi a grasp of freedom after getting in bed with Los Pepes, but it had ended up just backfiring spectacularly and getting both of you kicked out of the country instead. Suspended pending investigation, and then they had tacked on the charge of interdepartmental fraternization to boot. Steve got a slap on the wrist. You got a plane ticket.

“Fuck.” Javi squeezes his eyes shut and sighs. Regret souring in his stomach and he desperately wishes he had a whiskey, or something to drink. “You shouldn’t have risked your career for me.” He responds, voice raspy with unspoken emotions. “I’m not worth that.”

"Too late now." He doesn't need to know why you did it. That you had developed feelings for him slowly but surely over the course of the year you had worked together and had been trying to talk yourself out of it unsuccessfully since you know he has no interest in you. "I did what I thought was right. It's not your fault that it bit me in the ass."

The doors to the plane close and Javi leans back in his seat. “Shit.” He hisses, shaking his head. “I'm sorry.”

"It's not your fault, Jav." It isn't. Not really. He didn't ask you to try to help him or involve you in any of the dealings with Los Pepes. In fact, he had actively warned you against it. "I made my decision and now I'm living with the consequences."

“I’m sorry I dragged you into my shit.” He slides his hand over his face and sighs, closing his eyes as the weight of the fallout from his mistakes bleakly shoves themselves into his face again.

"We're both adults, you didn't drag me into anything." Your own stupid sentimentality did that, but he doesn't need to know it. He doesn't need to know the details. "I'll find something new. Get back on my feet. The DEA isn't the end of the line for me."

“Come to Texas with me.” The offer pops out of his mouth, but in reality, it’s a good idea. It's not like there isn’t room at his Pop’s and that way you aren’t spending money you don’t need to until the DEA is done punishing you.

"You don't have to do that." When you look back up at him he looks surprised to even have said it and the small spark of hope that he might have meant it fizzles immediately. "Pity is worse than hatred, ya know."

“It’s not pity.” He immediately argues. “I just hadn’t – it’s a good idea.” He shifts slightly and turns in his seat to face you. “The ranch isn’t luxurious, but it’s comfortable.” For him, it’s home. “Pop has a spare bedroom that is never used. He’d probably be grateful to have more than my sullen ass to talk to.”

It's not that you don't want to say yes. To spend time with him or at least around him. To get to know his family and see where he's from. The problem is that you want to do those things for all the wrong reasons. "I don't know what help I'll be," you warn him, like reminding him that you grew up in a very different way than he did might somehow deter him. "But..." But you could have just a little more time with him before never seeing him again. You deflate a little, knowing that your only other option is throwing money at a hotel for a while. It's not like you can just knock on Connie Murphy's door when you get to Miami – she certainly won't want to see you. "If you don't think your father would mind too much? I'll stay out of both your hair."

“Nah, he won’t mind at all.” Javi promises. He had too many cousins or friends stay over when he was younger for the elder Peña to care about his house being used as a way station. “I’ll give him a ring when we land in Miami.” He promises. “Just so you know it’s okay.”

"Okay." Suddenly you wish you had a drink even more. More time spent with your partner – former partner? – before you let go of him altogether might be more than you bargained for. But still, you don't think you could pass up the chance. Even just a few more days. "As long as it's okay with your dad."

He relaxes slightly, shooting you a small, rare grin. “Okay.” He nods, feeling better about the entire situation. He wouldn’t want to leave you in Miami by yourself even if he knows you are more than capable. Hell, you’re a better agent than him and Steve, but he would still feel uneasy about it.

******

The flights are long, and you end up buying a new book in Miami just to have something to read on the way to Texas. Being back stateside isn't the triumphant return that Javier wanted it to be and his father didn't seem fazed at all by the idea of him bringing someone back to the ranch so you had nodded gratefully. By the time you land at Laredo International Airport you feel about ready to drop but Javi seems as near to relieved as you've seen him in months.

“I need a fucking cigarette.” The non-smoking rule in the airport had killed him, the idea that you couldn’t light up at the restaurants in the States had been irritating and he anxiously waits for his checked bag so he can hopefully get one before his dad shows up.

"You and me both." At least you'd been able to drink on the flights. A steady stream of scotch had kept both of you from getting too irritable.

He spots your bag first, a hideous maroon color that he had teased you about, but it’s handy for spotting it as the conveyor belt rolls around. Stepping forward, he grabs it and turns back to you. “That all you checked?”

"Yeah." You shoulder the bag before he can tease you about the color again and shrug. "Murphy said he'd ship me the rest of my shit if they decide to fire me." Technically you're just under investigation, but anything could happen. "It's boxed up at his place for now."

Javi nods, frowning slightly as he waits for his own bag. Wondering what prompted you to sleep with Steve. Not that it was his business, but you never seemed like you were interested.

"Here." His nondescript black bag swings around the carousel and you nab it for him, not mentioning that the reason you have such an awful colored bag is so you can actually recognize it. His stupid black bag had probably passed by you four times before you had even recognized it. "We, uh...we're waiting for your father to pick us up?" Surely that's enough time for a cigarette, isn't it?

“Yeah.” Javi guides you towards the revolving door and sighs as soon as the warm night air hits him. The airport was artificially freezing. “He should be here soon.”

"Is it bad that the heat is actually comforting?" Colombia might have varying climates, but you had gotten used to the damp heat of the jungles and busy sunshine of the city. "The office is always way too fucking cold."

“Why do you think I kept a jacket around?” He huffs with a grin, fishing in his pockets for his pack of cigarettes. When he finds it, he pulls out the lighter and offers you the pack to take one if you want it.

Humming in thanks, you take a cigarette from the pack and easily lean forward so he can light it after he does his own. It's a practiced ritual, something the two of you have done a hundred or a thousand times before, and a calming one. The air is warm here but it's dry, and seeing that it's the end of the day you can tell it's going to start cooling off quickly. "So this is where you grew up, huh? The original hunting grounds, so to speak?"

He blows out the first, satisfying puff of tobacco and nicotine and chuckles. “You could say that.” He hums, looking out to watch as the last plane of the night takes off. Watching the blinking lights lift into the sky. “Got into a lot of shit around here.”

"I bet." It isn't hard to imagine him as a charming trouble-maker of a teen, talking circles around the adults in his life and pitching that signature Peña smile at anyone with a grudge. "A whole line of swooning country girls left behind you when you took off for bigger things." It wouldn't be that different from all the swooning women he had left behind in Colombia. After all, he has no idea that he brought one of them with him.

“One very bitter, jilted fiancée.” Javi confesses. He had told Steve about Lorraine but he hadn’t said anything to you about her. It had seemed wrong for some reason.

"No." You practically choke on an inhale of smoke and whirl around to look at him instead of watching the parking lot. "You were engaged?"

“Yeah.” Javi admits it wasn’t his finest moment, leaving her at the altar but it was better than the alternative. “I was.”

It casts things in a different light, to think of him that way, but you nod and pretend that you don't have a single care about it in the world. When you had thought of him as having no interest in marriage before, that had been a presumption based on what you had seen. Now, it seemed to have slightly more concrete evidence to support it. "She doesn't still live around here, does she?"

“Think so.” He rolls his eyes slightly. “Her husband Randy is some kind of investment banker.” He scoffs, never having much use for them. They are right up there with used car salesmen and pimps.

"Randy?" You snort at the name, letting it conjure images of either an idiot in a garish suit or else that actor whose last name you always forget from National Lampoon. "Sounds like she traded pretty far down. Might be glad to see you in spite of the break up." Imagining him with just about anyone hurts at this point, why not add insult to your own injury by picturing him getting back together with his ex?

“Doubt it.” He eyes you, waiting to see your reaction. “Left her at the altar with about a hundred of our friends and family.”

"Madre de Dios, Javi!" The Spanish curses are far more fun to use and roll off the tongue more often after having spent so much time in Colombia, and when you swerve to look at him with your cigarette hanging out of your mouth you nearly punch him instead of just shoving him in the arm. Your usual playfulness comes out when you're surprised, apparently. Even if that surprise is tempered with a bad situation. "That woman is gonna murder you if she ever sees you again!"

He shrugs, having accepted that as his fate a long time ago. “She’s moved on, got two kids with her husband. Better with him than me.”

"God forbid the great Casanova himself, Javier Peña, should ever settle down." You nearly huff when you roll your eyes, but a truck in the distance saves you the trouble. "Looks like your dad is here."

He doesn’t know why that comment makes him frown, but he tosses down his cigarette and grinds it under his heel. Annoyed that your off hand teasing has him defensive. “Can't wait to take a shower.”

"Can't wait to sleep without worrying about getting shot or kidnapped," you gripe before painting a smile onto your face. Is your work important? Of course it is. But they took it away from you and branded you the office slut when that title clearly already belonged to someone else, so you'll take whatever comforts you can get at the moment.

He can agree with that, although he never slept well anyway. There was too much on his mind in a constant stream of worry and regret. The pick up truck rolls to a stop and Javi steps forward to open the door. “Pop.” He greets his dad and then turns towards you for a proper introduction. Telling his father your name and that you are his partner, he looks back at you. “Chucho Peña.” He flashes a small grin. “Just call him Pop.”

“It’s really nice to meet you.” Chucho is jovial and friendly, offering you a hug immediately and getting borderline emotional to see his son after you-can-only-guess how long. He hushes you when you try to thank him, ushering you into the truck instead and promising you that he’s glad to have the company.

It doesn’t take long for bags to be thrown into the bed and for the three of you to be loaded up in the truck. “Thanks for picking us up, pop.” Javi knows he could have rented a car, but he doubts the counter is even open at this time of night and the one taxi service that Laredo has is notorious for not answering the phone after 10pm.

“Mijito, I’m not going to leave a beautiful woman stranded.” The elder Peña aims a wink at you and chuckles as he turns over the truck’s engine. “It’s been far too long since we had a face this lovely at home.”

His brows arch up at the flirtatiousness of his father. For a moment, it’s the perfect example of where Javi learned his smooth moves.

“Don’t look so shocked.” Chucho laughs when his son tilts his head and laughs straight from his belly to see your amusement when you snicker on the bench seat next to him. “Your mamá was much too good for me. I had to get her to stick around somehow.”

“Don’t believe a single second of that surprise on his face,” you tell the older man, still laughing. “The flirting is genetic in Peñas, apparently.” Not that he ever aimed it at you. As his partner you might as well have been completely sexless to Javi - a fact which bothered you far more than you would like to admit.

Chucho chuckles again and looks over at you and his son. He’s surprised that Javi had finally brought someone home. “Then I taught him well.” He teases.

The bench seat of Chucho’s truck keeps you tucked neatly in between the Peña boys for the drive home, and the warm air from outside the truck swirls around each of you while the radio plays ranchera and Javier’s father gives you both a rundown of how things are running on the ranch these days. The ride isn’t long, but it’s enough for Javi to get updates on some family members and such, and to find out that his dad’s got a new pair of dogs that he’s doting on.

“That sounds good.” Javi’s never been opposed to dogs and he knows that Chucho has been lonely the last few years. He hadn’t been able to come home often.

"They tend to get up early," he warns his son, laughing at the idea of his puppies waking Javier up when he knows his only boy is not a morning person at all. "Just so you know."

“Great.” Javi rolls his eyes and sighs. Not even one day to sleep in. “Don’t shoot the dogs when they wake me up, got it.”

“We’ll train them to make your coffee,” you tease, knowing that Javi before caffeine and nicotine is barely Javi at all.

“You’re worse than I am.” Javi reminds you with a grunt. He always treads warily before 9am around you.

���I am not!” The tease does make you laugh, though, and you end up shrugging in between the Peña men. “Maybe a little.”

Chucho grins, admiring that you have no issue with Javi’s sarcastic sense of humor. You’re good for his boy, he can tell.

When you pull up to the house it’s smaller than you expected at first but it’s obvious that the ranch house rambles on. Rather than being tall it is long, a sprawling thing that seems to carry on to room after room instead of room on top of room. It’s welcoming and homey, and the two dogs out front are most definitely the puppies that Chucho had talked about on the way here.

“Home sweet home.” Javi is conflicted, opening the door to the truck and stepping out. He turns towards you and reaches for your handbag so you can climb out.

“And with playmates!” The dogs perk up immediately upon seeing two new people, and rush over to you with tails wagging and tongues lolling from happy mouths. “Hi boys!” Without hesitation you’re on your knees in the dirt giving them all the pets and cuddles they could possibly want.

Raising his brow, Javi’s surprised at your enthusiasm for the dogs. Not like there was much time for animals in Colombia. “She’s going to fit right in.” Chucho hums in approval, getting the bags out of the bed of the truck.

“Shit, let me get those, Pop.” Javi hurries around the truck to take them from his father.

“Leave mine, Jav.” Scattering the dogs’ fur with kisses, you flash both men a smile before reaching to take your suitcase from Javi. “Sorry, I just…I grew up around dogs and I miss them like hell.”

“I’ve got it.” He insists, “The bedroom is going to be the first door on the left.” He tells you, imagining that you would be in the ‘guest bedroom’ rather than the old room Javi had grown up in.

“Second.” Chucho turns halfway to the horse with confusion on his face. “Have you forgotten where your room is?”

“No,” Javi shakes his head, now confused himself. “I thought you would put her in the spare bedroom.”

“Mijo…” The elder Peña furrows his brow in confusion. “Why would I put your girlfriend in a different room? You’re not sixteen anymore.”

Javi’s eyes widen, realizing the mistake his father had made. He thinks you are with Javi. That he’s brought you home to meet. “Pop—”

“Danny is getting married in a couple of weeks.” Chucho remembers suddenly. “I told him that you will be bringing your girl.”

“I don’t think that’s—” Standing up fully, you look between both men and clear your throat awkwardly. Javier’s father has made the jump - the assumption - that partner meant in business and in pleasure, and you’re the only woman in the world he hasn’t tried to fuck. “It’s not…” You should never have come here…

“Don’t worry.” Chucho doesn’t want to embarrass you; but he wants you to know it’s okay. “The boy has been charming girls into his bed since he was sixteen, I know what he gets up to. But he’s never really been one to bring someone home, so you’re special.”

“Less special than you think I am.” You mutter under your breath, looking to Javier for help in clarifying the situation without being rude.

“Pop…” Javi frowns slightly. “I think she’d be more comfortable with her own space. She didn’t, we didn’t live together.”

“The second bedroom is basically a junk closet,” Chucho admits, looking a little sheepish. “I didn’t think you would be needing it.”

Shit. Javi knows you aren’t happy but he can talk about the sleeping arrangements when his father isn’t listening. “Okay.” He agrees, pointing you down the hall. “Last door on the left.”

Standing in that room with him ten minutes later is more awkward than the first time you had to go to a brothel with him in Medellín, finding that he knew the name of every girl there and discovering exactly how jealous that made you. “I’ll sleep on the floor,” you tell him without hesitation.

“Don’t be stupid.” Javi shakes his head. “We can share. Or I’ll sleep on the couch if that makes you uncomfortable.” There is no way he would let you sleep on the floor when you are a guest in his house. Or, technically, his Pop’s house.

“I’m not stupid.” Even if he doesn’t mean it, the offensive comment does make you bristle and you frown. “And I’m not uncomfortable.” Daydreaming is what you’ll be, but you’ll be damned if he finds that out. “Fine. We’ll just let your Pops think we’re sleeping together, if that’s what you would prefer.”

“He already thinks we are sleeping together, muñeca.” He reminds you, tossing his bag down on the bed and rubbing his neck. It’s awkward and he doesn’t want to think about why his father would think he was sleeping with you. “We are adults. It’s a big enough bed to share.” It’s not a king like his bed in Colombia, but he had shared a queen-sized bed with plenty of women before.

“Just tell me you don’t kick or talk in your sleep or anything.” You’ll just stay on one far edge of the mattress and find someplace else to stay ASAP. That’s all there is to it, you tell yourself firmly.

“Not that I know of.” No one has told him about shit like that, but it’s been awhile since he’s slept beside a woman. “I’ll even wear underwear to bed.”

“How noble of you.” You huff and roll your eyes.

“If you don’t care…” he chuckles quietly, wondering if you're annoyed or embarrassed.

“Poke me with that thing in the middle of the night and you’re gonna wake up without it.” Better that he should never know what your real reaction to his cock would be. Let him think you don’t want him like he doesn’t want you.

Javi frowns and looks away. “Don’t worry about that.” He grumbles, never happy with the idea of losing his manhood.

“Fine then.” Even with knowing that he isn’t interested in you, it still stings when he assures you that you are safe from his attention. Why are you the one woman Javier Peña won’t put his dick near and why do you still want him to so badly? It’s like a sick joke from the universe.

He can tell you aren’t happy with the current arrangement and he knows that he will be busting his ass to make sure the spare bedroom gets cleaned out. “It’s late.” He bites his lip. “I’ll shower and you can…settle in.”

“I shower in the morning.” He knows that. You’ve had plenty of long stake outs and hikes through the jungle and fuck only knows what else — shared hotel rooms where Steve always took the pull out couch and gave you the second bed. He knows you shower in the morning. But still, when you open your bag to pull out clean pajamas and your toothbrush, you pause. “Unless that would weird you out? Some people think it’s gross to sleep on clean sheets without showering. And it’s…it’s your bed.”

“Whatever you want to do, muñeca.” Javi murmurs quietly. He tries not to think about you in a shower, focusing on unzipping his own bag to pull out clothes. It’s late, so any unpacking would need to wait until tomorrow.

“Tomorrow, then.” You have a feeling you’re going to need a cold shower after sleeping next to him anyway. “And I’ll write your dad a check for having to call long distance. But I promised Steve I’d check in.”

“Don’t worry about that.” He shakes his head and turns to look at you with clean boxers and his toiletry bag in his hand. “I’ll pay the long distance bill. Phone is in the kitchen.”

“We’ll figure it out later.” You tell him with a shrug, not wanting to think about Javi naked or Javi wet. Or Javi all clean and shiny crawling into bed with you. You’re never going to get any sleep tonight. “Now go so I can put my pajamas on. I’m still exhausted from that kid screaming all the way from Miami to here.”

“Yeah,” Javi winces. “The kid had a set of lungs on them.” He motions towards the bed. “Take whatever side you want.” He offers. “Not picky.”

The awkwardness of changing your clothes in Javier Peña's childhood bedroom is very real, but you stack your things up neatly in one corner and slip under the crisp, clean covers and put your head on one of his pillows without letting yourself wonder too often how many girls were in this bed before you. And for very different reasons.

He doesn't take too long in the shower, even though he's tempted to jerk off. Knowing that it will be awkward if he wakes up with his cock pressed against your ass. It's not like you would want that. You wanted Steve. Once clean, he steps out of the shower and towels off, swiping the deodorant under his arms and slipping on a pair of rarely used boxers to sleep in. It was better than sleeping naked, like he normally does.

Javi returns to you leaning half out of the bed petting one of his father's dogs that had nudged its way into the room while he was showering, and you're giggling like an idiot with all awkwardness forgotten at the way the sweet cattle dog is giddy to be getting so much attention.

Javi shakes his head, tossing his dirty clothes into the basket that is near the closet door and he does double back to open the door to the hallway so the pup can leave again. "Why do I feel like the dog's gonna end up in the bed?" He asks.

"He's a good boy," you insist with the most dedicated talking to a puppy voice you can possibly manage.

He rolls his eyes, but it's not in annoyance. Even offering to pet the pup when he comes over to curiously sniff Javi before rejecting his affections to return to the woman who is just basking in his presence. "I'm sure he is."

"You gonna come snuggle up with us, MacGyver?" Javi's father has a habit of naming his dogs after television characters, and these two are no exceptions. MacGyver the cattle dog jumps excitedly before bounding up onto the bed and wiggling right up next to you. "See, Jav? He's a sweet baby."

He sighs, but doesn't protest as the dog wiggles happily and licks you repeatedly as you giggle. You laughing and enjoying doggy kisses is much preferred over the depressed moping that had come with your suspension. He doesn't blame you, his moping just isn't as obvious. "The 'sweet baby' better not hog the bed." He grunts, lifting the covers to get in beside you. Maybe having the dog between the two of you would be a good thing.

"He won't," you promise, even though you have no idea what this dog's sleeping habits are like. You do know that getting cuddles from a dog is the best and happiest you've felt in months, so you're just going to accept it and let the good boy snuggle up to you. "See? He's my snuggle buddy."

“I see that.” It’s impossible to be jealous of a dog and Javi isn’t that ridiculous. His watch and wallet set down on the nightstand, he sits up in the bed and reaches down to pat him a few times and scratch behind his ears.

MacGyver might be the happiest dog in the world right now, and you laugh again before settling down. Tucked down under the blanket with a sweet dog between you and some distance from everything that has happened today, things don't seem quite as helpless as they did this morning. "Thanks for this." As ridiculous as everything is, it's thanks to Javi that you have a place to sleep tonight and a soft place to land. It's not his fault that sleeping in the same bed as him is your own personal hell.

“No problem.” Javi nods and then thinks about something. Hopping out of the bed. “I’m going to get some water.” He tells you. “Want some? So you aren’t searching in the middle of the night?”

"Sure. Thanks." As long as he's offering, you're not going to turn it down. Especially since a tour of the house was waiting for the morning.

“Be right back.” Javi disappears down the dark hallway, sure of his footing and the layout of the house he had been born and raised in.

The light in the kitchen at the end of the hallway is still on, illuminating the large room where Javier's father is babysitting a pot of milk on the stove with Matlock halfway through destroying a chew toy at his feet. "Javi?" He barely turns around. "Need something, mijo?"

“Getting some water.” He knows his Pop has a problem sleeping most nights. It’s gotten worse since his mamá passed, the warm milk helping the older man settle down. “Don’t want her trying to find the kitchen in the dark and tripping.”

"Probably for the best," Chucho chuckles. "Can't find where MacGyver went, she might trip over him in the night."

“Dog’s curled up to her like they are best friends.” He snorts, walking over to the cabinet next to the sink where the chipped glasses from his childhood still sit on the shelves.

"Well, damn." That makes him laugh a little harder, and he ends up leaning back on the counter a little with a contented sigh. "Might be for the best." He can't resist needling his son a little. "Keeps the moaning to a minimum if there's a dog in the way."

“Pop.” Javi groans, feeling like he’s fucking fifteen again, being teased about Mary Louise from his class. Of course his dad had known about the groping and experimenting in his barns after school, but there’s no chance of moaning with you.

"I'm not wagging a finger at you, mijo, I just don't want to be woken up in the middle of the night." He laughs, taking his pan off the stove to pour its contents into a mug. Normally he carries it back to his room to sip while he reads, but it's so nice to have his son in the house again. "She seems nice," Chucho commends. "And she's a knockout, to boot."

Javi grunts, aware of how attractive you are. He moves over to the sink and fills the glasses halfway with cool well water. “She’s a good woman.”

"Hell of a lot sweeter than that Lorraine." Chucho remarks sharply, but he shrugs immediately after. "But that's just a first impression. I'll get to know her well enough soon. Y'all stay as long as you want or need to. It's nice to have life in the house again."

“Thanks Pop.” He means that. Both of you need a place to lay low and rest. Once he gets you into your own bedroom, the uneasiness will pass. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

"Night, son." The nod Chucho gives Javier as he ambles from the room comes with a pat on the younger man's shoulder, and soon enough Javi's father has disappeared out of sight with Matlock right at his heels.

Javi sighs, carrying the two glasses of water to the bedroom and contemplates going outside for one last smoke. Pop doesn’t condone smoking in the house, a rule set by his late wife and Javi respects it. In the end, it’s the hassle of brushing his teeth again so he doesn’t accidentally breathe cigarette breath into your face if he rolls over during the night, that convinces him not to. “You two look comfortable.” The dog is halfway sprawled over you, greedy for your pets and praise like he was a lap dog.

“I miss having a dog,” you admit with a sheepish, sleepy grin.

He hands you the water for your side and nods. “Grew up with dogs out here.” He knows that it’s common, but there hasn’t been time for a pet with the work in Colombia.

Even a single sip of the cold water is refreshing, and you put the glass down on the nightstand beside you with a hum. “There were always a lot of animals around when I was growing up. Dogs, cats, the horses, a goat for a while, a bunch of chickens…” You shrug a little and settle down under the covers with the dog still sprawled out over you. “Guess I missed it more than I thought.”

“Goats are funny things.” Javi chuckles as he gets back into the bed. The door is still open to let the dog out when he wants but he’s not worried about it. “We used to have some that would fall out, stiff as a corpse.”

“We had one that did that whenever my sister got near it. Funniest fucking thing in the world, it made her so mad.” The memory makes you giggle a little, but you’re also pretty punchy from being tired and upset all day, so you scratch lazily behind MacGyver’s ear and blow out a breath. “We should get some sleep.”

“We should.” Javi pushes down and twists his body so he can turn off the bedside lamp and plunge the room into darkness. “I know you are tired, muñeca.” He murmurs as he wonders how long it will take him to fall asleep beside you.

“Mmm.” You are, but you doubt you’ll do anything tonight but pet the dog and stare at the wall. His age-old habit of calling you ‘doll’ seems so much more intimate when it’s said in a shared bed and you can’t do anything about it. Masturbating four inches away from him on the same mattress is out of the question. “Night, Jav.”

“Night.” Javi shifts, settling into the bed and sighing softly, tucking his arm behind his head as he looks up at the ceiling fan spinning lazily overhead. The next few days until that room can be cleaned out will be interesting.

******

The most interesting part, unfortunately, was finding out that the old guest room bed hidden underneath ten years of clutter was broken in two places, making it completely unusable. After more than a week of pulling things out of that room, you and Javier had stood in dusty clothes and looked down at the frame in defeat, deciding to deal with it when you got back from your hearings in Washington, which would begin after the next weekend. A few more days in that bed together with the dog between you wouldn’t kill you — although you were increasingly frustrated at this point — and you would be in DC for however long they saw necessary. After that? After that you would know if you were headed back to Colombia or another field office. Or if you still had a job at all.

“At least we have Danny’s wedding this weekend.” It will be an opportunity to see a lot of family, although there has been a steady stream of visitors to the ranch after word got out that Javi was home.

“Right.” Wincing slightly, you nod and sit back in the chair you parked yourself in when MacGyver came bounding into the house to demand attention. “I should probably make sure I have something other than jeans to wear to that.” The idea of shopping for Javi’s cousin’s wedding is vaguely outlandish, but you’re not sure you have much of anything in your bag from Colombia that would be appropriate.

Javi chuckles and shakes his head. “I’m wearing jeans, I don’t think you’d be out of place.” He honestly doesn’t know if he’s ever seen you in a dress outside of work.

“I think the ghost of my granny would rise up and smack me upside the head if I wore jeans to a wedding.” You laugh at the image and sigh, pushing up from your seat. “C’mon, sweet boy,” you coax the dog. “Let’s go see what’s left in that suitcase that I haven’t unpacked.” Over your shoulder, you throw Javier a familiar smile. “Maybe I have something from that undercover stint I did a couple of months ago.”

His brows rise and he stares after you for a moment. That undercover stint had not been family friendly and he had tried so hard to ignore how good you looked.

“What?” When Javi’s reaction is the opposite of what you were expecting, you stop halfway down the hallway and turn. “Too inappropriate? I might not even have anything with me, anyway.”

“It was…a nice dress.” He comments, shaking his head. “It will look good.” You would be the sexiest woman there, though that wouldn’t be hard when everyone else is either family or lifelong friends. His problem is that every person there believes that you are his and he will be fielding ribald jokes all day.

“Wouldn’t want you to be embarrassed to be seen with me.” It picks at you in a way you haven't expected, that he has just let everyone believe you’re together. Even Chucho is still convinced of it and at this point there is probably no telling him otherwise. Every subsequent night you spend in his son’s bed is proof to him, even if you sleep with the door cracked open and the dog between you, and have never shared physical affection in any way.

“Never be embarrassed about being seen with you.” He frowns, wondering where that comment came from. You’re a good looking woman and know that. You got hit on all the time, the men around the embassy and the members of the Bloc. You are probably the one embarrassed to be seen with him. “You call Steve?”

“Yeah.” It’s awful when he bristles at you like a cat with its fur standing on end, but since you have no clue what you did to deserve it this time, you just turn into his room to look at what’s left in your suitcase. “He’s gonna hang on to my stuff until I know if they’re transferring me or outright firing me.”

“I’m sure he misses you.” The close proximity to you is starting to gnaw at him. The ache in his cock matches the hollowness in his heart. Reminding himself that this isn’t what you want, he sighs at the broken bed, putting on his gloves again to toss the ruined item into the large pile of junk that’s been amassed to take to the dump.

“Sure. I mean…that’s what you do with friends, right?” Rummaging in the bottom of his closet, you come out of your suitcase with a little black dress and a pair of stylish high heels that you’d bought for the op, using it as an excuse to get something nicer than what you wore for work everyday. Telling yourself that you’d kept them on the off chance that you ever got asked out on a date. “Are these okay?” You ask, appearing in the guest room doorway a second later. “I have some colorful jewelry so I won’t look like I got lost on my way to a funeral.”

“Whatever you want to wear.” Javi doesn’t know much about women’s fashion besides how to peel a woman out of her dress, but it seems fine to him. “You will look good.”

"Okay." It was an attempt to engage with him, to maybe hear an anecdote or get encouragement, but he's closed himself off again. It just makes you want to shrug it off and walk away so you go back to his room to put the clothes away and grab your book off the nightstand. You'll go read and get out of his hair for a while. Clearly spending so much time around you is grating on him.

Javi sighs again when you walk away, watching you and he can’t help the way his eyes tip down to your ass. It’s a nice ass. Making him frown when he remembers Steve saw it. He’s never been a jealous man, but fuck if he’s not jealous of that fucking hillbilly right now.

Finding Chucho out in the garden shouldn't have been a surprise, but when you flop down on the porch swing in back of the house with your book and look up to see him smiling and waving from the herb pots, you still startle a little. "H-hey Pops." You wave back awkwardly and silently congratulate yourself on being dumb enough to accidentally trade one Peña for the other. There's no escape though, because if you flee Chucho's presence you'll just have to explain yourself later.

“Mija.” Chucho notices the unhappy look on your face that you quickly decide to suppress. “My son giving you heartburn?” He asks, swiping his hat off his head to wipe the sweat. “I keep telling him that he does not have to be so glum all the time.”

"It's nothing, Pops, I promise." The last thing you want is for him to be thinking that you and Javi are having relationship problems when you have no relationship to begin with. "I'm just a little anxious." Good. You'll go with that. He knows the hearings are coming up anyway.

“They would be fools not to take you back.” Chucho grunts, although he keeps his opinion on whether you should go back to himself. “If they don’t, you can stay here as long as you want. Javier likes you here.”

"The standards are different for me." It's bullshit, but it's true. Being a woman, you have to out perform every single one of your male coworkers in order to just keep your head above water. And you had let yourself get sentimental over Javier - the one man in your universe who never seemed to care what you thought of him in the first place.

“They know that one day you will be telling them that you are carrying Javier’s baby.” Chucho huffs, shaking his head. “Stupid men believe women cannot carry a child and do a job. Even though women are stronger than men.”

"That—um—" To hear that from his father flusters you beyond imagination, and you nearly vibrate in a very uncomfortable way. "That isn't...Chucho that's not...Javi and I don't have that kind of relationship." You hate feeling like you're lying to the man when he's been so incredibly kind to you. Maybe it's better that he knows the truth. If you're not Javi's girlfriend he might not want you here — and that's something you need to know.

“Not now.” Chucho huffs. “When the boy gets his head out of his ass and decides to make an honest woman out of you, he will want babies.” He leans against the railing and smirks. “He’s actually good with the bebitos.”

"No, that's not what I—" You stop though, tilting your head slightly in confusion. "I've never seen him look anything but terrified in the presence of babies or small children."

“Really?” Shock turns to amusement and Chucho nearly doubled over laughing. “He said he was going to pretend he knew nothing.” He gasps as he chuckles after a long minute. “Mija, Javier is the oldest of all the cousins. He was changing diapers before he was eight. His tía swears he was the only one who could get Danny to stop crying.”

"Really?" The idea of Javi taking care of any kid is unexpected to you, and you hate the way it warms through you. The way it makes you yearn.

“He is a good boy, a bit stubborn.” He chuckles and shakes his head. “But throw a baby in his arms and the boy would light up.”

"Not in Colombia." You shake your head a little. "Our other partner...he and his wife had adopted a baby while she was in country with us. I don't think I ever saw Javi go near her."

“Olivia.” Chucho nods. “Javier blames himself for what happened to her mother.”

"Sometimes the best thing we can do is work toward the best solution for a bad situation." Sweet little Olivia is with Connie now, and although you don't know what will happen between Connie and Steve, you know that baby will be loved and looked after. That's all you can really hope for sometimes. Love and care.

“That is a good way to look at it mija.” He nods, looking back out at the garden. “You will be good for him.” He promises you. “Everything he’s ever told me about you is true.” He reaches over and pats your hand before he turns back to go down the porch steps and back into the garden.

He's talked about you? Maybe Chucho just means the things that Javi has told him since you've been in the house, you really can't be sure. The best you can do is try to push it out of your mind and open your book.

******

Once the bed frame and mattress are tossed, Javi strips down and climbs into a cold shower. Groaning at the refreshing feeling of the water as it calms his overheated skin, he leans against the wall. You are upset at him, and he wonders if he can take you into town for a meal or something to get you to forgive him.

It's been almost an hour before Javi emerges again, looking very much like himself in that blue shirt with the pinstripes that makes him look taller and crisp, clean jeans. The dogs are the first to notice him, woofing excitedly and jumping up onto the porch to get dusty pawprints on his thighs before you can even turn around.

Javi snorts and shakes his head as he scratches the dog's ears. “Do you want to go into town?” He asks casually. “Get a drink and a meal no one in this house cooked?”

Though the voice in the back of your head wonders if he's asking out of guilt, it does sound nice to get out of the house and you had started feeling hungry about a half hour ago. Cleaning the guest room had been a bigger task than either of you expected and you're pretty sure you skipped lunch most days by accident. "Sure," you nod, plucking your bookmark out of the back cover of your book and saving your page for later. "Sure, that sounds nice."

“Okay.” Javi nods and shoves his hands in his jeans. “I’ll — you go get ready and I’ll get the truck keys from Pop.”

"Okay." You nod in return and disappear back into the house to wash up and change into clean clothes. That black dress is the only nice piece of clothing you managed to pack, but the jeans you routinely wore to the office were decent looking and several of the blouses that you had brought back to the States were nice, soft, floral things that you had bought in Colombia. So when you reappear a little while later in clean clothes with your face washed and hair tamed, it almost feels like the date you know you're never going to get with him.

“Ready?” Javi pops up from the rocker and he swallows harshly at the sight of you all cleaned up. He’s going to need a double in order to not say something stupid. “Got the keys.”

"Okay." Yeah, this feels exactly like getting ready for a date, and you seriously hope that wherever he's taking you has a liquor license because otherwise you're gonna make an idiot of yourself. "Where are we going?"

“There’s this bar in town.” Javi saunters down the porch steps and out to the truck. “Looks like shit but they serve the best damn food.”

"That's usually how it goes." You follow him out to the truck and hide your surprise when he opens the door for you. The dogs are pouting from the front door to see you go but you settle back in your seat when he climbs behind the wheel. Town isn't too far of a drive and it isn't like you've never been alone with Javi. You've just been alone with him a hell of a lot more since getting suspended from the DEA than you ever were when you were active agents.

“Wings are good, but the chili rellenos are probably the best in town.” Javi throws his arm on the bench as he backs the truck up to turn it around. “And add it to a burger? I used to live off of them when I was a sheriff’s deputy.”

"A chili relleno burger?" The idea has you nearly drooling, but you tilt your head at Javi as he starts to drive. "You were a deputy? Seriously?" As much as you know him as a law enforcement officer, he's so prone to break the rules that imagining him as a small town cop just seems so unlikely.

“Yep.” He shrugs and continues to guide the truck down the long drive from the house to the road. “A million years ago when I got out of college.”

"I wanted to be Secret Service." There's no reason to tell him this, but you find it rolling off your tongue anyway as the truck rumbles down the dirt road. "I started the process and ended up with the US Marshals instead. The DEA is where I went afterward. We worked a big joint operation with the DEA in LA and they offered me a transfer for my good work." Sometimes you wonder what would have happened if you had never taken that transfer at all, if you had stayed with the Marshals, but it's too late to do anything about it now.

“No shit?” Javi is impressed, looking over at you with a grin before he hums. “No damn wonder you run laps around us.” He had always admired your work ethic. It was one of the reasons he had kept clear of you, wanting to make sure you weren’t smeared by his reputation, although the joke was on him since you were fucking Steve.

"Yeah." You nod your head and shrug like it doesn't matter, because to some degree it doesn't. After all, Javi had been DEA for far longer than you. "Doubt they'd take me back, though."

“They’d been fools not to.” Javi sighs. “I think they will. Maybe some shit hole assignment for a few years. But you’ll overcome that.”

"You'll get to go back to Colombia. I know you will." For some reason you're certain of it. Not only because Javi tends to overcome his own shitty hardships pretty well through charm and perseverance, but because he's a damn good agent. He worked that case against Escobar longer and harder than anybody and he damn well deserves to get to go back.

“Doubt it.” He frowns and shakes his head. “It hurts not being there. Knowing that they are close to getting the bastard.”

"You will." Your hand rests on his arm on the back of the seat and you give it a supportive squeeze. After all, regardless of what else you feel for him, he's your partner. Your friend. "I can feel it."

“Thanks.” Javi sighs again and tries to shake off the glumness. “Maybe after Escobar is caught…you can figure out what you are doing with…Steve.”

"I really wish you would stop bringing that up," you tell him, letting your own sigh loose. "It was one time, we were drinking, and it was a mistake. That's all. He missed Connie and I—" He doesn't need to know, you remind yourself sternly. "I let it go too far."

He didn’t know that. He had assumed that it was something more. At least more than once. “I’m sorry.”

"We were never going to tell anyone." It feels like an explanation is warranted, since you snapped a little, and you sit back in your seat. "I don't know what happened. Somebody found out and it got back to the higher ups." Stupidly, you shrug. "Sometimes you do shit you shouldn't have for dumb reasons. That's all. He's my best friend, and it shouldn't have happened."

“I thought you two were having— that it was something more.” He admits, shrugging slightly. He doesn’t want to admit that he was jealous. He’s not your best friend.

"You thought we were having an affair." You swallow a sigh and wish you had brought your cigarettes. "It wasn't that. We just...neither of us could have what we wanted, so sometimes when that happens you make the dumb decision to cling to whatever is closest."

“Why couldn’t you have what you wanted?” He catches that and frowns slightly. Wondering what you couldn’t possibly get.

"Doesn't matter now." He's perceptive as hell as an agent, but shit sometimes Javi is oblivious. And the last thing you want is to make shit awkward between you by admitting that you want him and pretty much always have. Since you met, at least.

He frowns and wonders why you are being cagey. Unless it was someone in Colombia that you had left behind. “Well, I’m sorry.”

"You didn't do anything to be sorry for." It's not his fault that he doesn't want you. It's not like he sat back and consciously decided not to be attracted to you. That would be kind of insane, to be honest.

“No, I did.” Javi snorts. “Spent so much time making sure no one thought you would sleep with me, I didn’t notice you and Steve.”

"You made it very clear that you didn't want to sleep with me." And it fucking stings that he would be so casual about bringing it up. Maybe dinner was a mistake. Maybe this whole thing was a mistake.

“Oh I wanted to sleep with you.” Javi snorts. “That’s why I made sure everyone knew I wasn’t.” He taps his fingers on the steering wheel. “There was a betting pool on how long before I fucked you when you showed up.”

"You–I–there was a what??" There is no way to disguise the shock in your voice, and you probably should have taken a breath before you opened your mouth, but you're too dumbstruck for logic at the moment.

“Yeah.” Javi shakes his head in disgust. “Bastards, every one of them. Acting like it was just some kind of game. That you weren’t an agent and just another worker at the brothel.”

"Okay, but–" Your mind is spinning a little and you reach to shut off the truck's radio, hoping that it will help you think a little more clearly. "But you–you said that–Jesus fucking Christ this can't be happening..."

“You didn’t know?” Javi looks over at you and wonders why this seems to be rocking you so harshly. “Even the damn ambassador had a stake in the pool.”

"No I didn't fucking know!" And right now it feels like it's going to drown you, the disbelief and the frustration crashing over you in equal measure. "And Steve sure as fuck didn't know. Otherwise he should have fucking said something instead of sleeping with me."

What the fuck does Steve have to do with it? Javi frowns and shakes his head. “They all talked about it in Spanish. You know he can’t fucking understand half of a conversation on a good day.”

"He can't even order in a restaurant." Which was a source of endless amusement, but it doesn't answer your biggest question. The one that has you turning to watch him while he drives with exhausted curiosity. "So...you were protecting my reputation? Is that it?"

“You’re a good agent.” Javi insists. “If they thought you were fucking me, they wouldn’t give you any of the respect you are due.” It’s bullshit and completely wrong, but it’s what would have happened. “So I just….acted like you were a man.”

That makes you groan, and you cover your face with both hands as he drives. “Fucking, of course you did.” That certainly explained a hell of a lot, even if you’re not thrilled about the answer. He had done it out of respect, knowing that you couldn’t get both. Meanwhile, you would have gladly taken the option to be banged like a screen door in July.

You don’t sound happy about his decision as you groan and he is utterly confused. “Sorry?” He practically asks it, unsure why you are annoyed. You know how men act.

"You didn't do anything wrong." In fact, he did less wrong than you had originally thought, which makes it so much more difficult to be mad about.

“You sound pissed.”

"I'm surprised." Pissed is the wrong word, although you're not exactly excited to find out after the fact that you didn't have a chance for entirely different reasons than you thought.

Silence falls in the cab of the truck and Javi feels you shifting beside him as he drives. It’s probably that it was kept from you, he decides. You never like being kept in the dark, but he had never shared anyone’s proclivity for locker room bragging. The awkwardness and discomfort of the whole situation makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, until eventually you shift one too many times and can’t stand it anymore. “I thought you didn’t like me,” you murmur, staring out the window.

“Oh.” Javi is shocked you would feel that way, but he guesses it’s not too much of a stretch. “I thought you didn’t care. You never seemed to think I was anything but a manwhore.”

The times you had teased him about it or made side comments were very definitely not your finest moments, and if you could fold up into a pretzel in this truck as he pulls into town, you would. “Of course I care.” This is barreling dangerously close to a confession, but you don’t know what else to say. The idea that you don’t care about him is absolutely the furthest from the truth.

He had thought that you were judging him for how he spent his time and who he slept with. There had seemed to be an edge of disdain to your barbed comments, so he had assumed that you hadn’t approved. “Well, it doesn’t matter now.” Javi huffs. “I’m not sleeping with anyone.”

“That’s…technically not true.” And the realization makes you huff at your own ridiculousness and even roll your eyes. “You’re just actually sleeping with me, not the euphemism.”

He chuckles and shrugs. “And the dog.” He reminds you, MacGuyver deciding that his favorite sleeping spot is between the two of you. Javi slept on the edge of the mattress most nights.

“I love that dog but he is a bed hog.” It’s sweet, though, and has kept you from doing anything stupid, which you have to stay grateful for.

“So it’s not just me?” Javi grunts. “I’m almost falling off the damn bed by morning.”

“We’re both sleeping on the edge and MacGyver’s got the whole bed to himself.” A half-laugh makes it out of you as he pulls up in front of a nondescript building and you shake your head. “This it?”

“This is it.” Javi puts the truck into park and shoots you a grin. “Just say no to the Hellspawn Boilermaker.” He advises you before he climbs out of the truck.

“Why would you tell me that?” You’re out of the truck and onto the sidewalk in an instant and throwing him a pout. “Now I have to know!”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He cautions, striding up to the door and holding it open for you.

Inside is dimly lit and a little on the loud side, with plenty of people drinking and just as many eating while the jukebox plays and the pool tables in the corner stay active. It’s a hole in the wall for damn sure, but an inviting one. “Do you want to sit at the bar?” Javi asks, spying a small table in the corner of you don’t.

“Wherever.” This is his town - his place - and you are flexible as long as he feels comfortable. You’re going to be in your head the whole dinner now that you know he used to want you anyway, so you truly couldn’t care less.

“Let’s sit at that table.” He would rather not answer a dozen questions on being home. So he guides you over to the small table.

A waitress notices you quickly enough, bringing over two thin menus and taking your drink orders while simultaneously making it obvious that she finds Javi extremely attractive. Not that you can blame her, but she is awfully blatant about it. What if you were on a date or something?

Javi studies the menu quickly before setting it aside and leaning back, reaching for the ashtray. He has been dying for a cigarette and needs one now.

"So this is an old haunt?" The menu is nothing surprising - basically barbecue and some house specialties, but it all sounds damn good.

"Pretty much." Javi smirks slightly. "We all used to drink underage here, back when that wasn't horrible." He explains. "Then most of us became solid citizens. Half the police force in Laredo used to come here."

"Boilermakers for all?" You guess, shooting him a grin.

Javi chuckles and shrugs slightly. "I'm surprised that it wasn't offered when we ordered our drinks. Wonder if they still do it. It was a tradition."

"When I was in the Marshals, we used to do these awful tequila bombs after missions." For better or for worse, you haven't had one in years. Although it almost feels like a sentimental memory now, it was more like hazing back then. "Thank god we could get good tequila in LA. If I had tried that where I grew up, it would have been cheap shit and bad beer and tasted even worse."

He chuckles again and nods. "This is a habanero infused whiskey with a shot of pickled jalapeño juice dropped in it, all dropped into a glass of Budweiser. Have to drink it all in one shot."

"Ugh." The grimace on your face is immediate, but still you're laughing. "So the kind of thing Milgroup would make their boys drink and tell them it's a Colombian specialty?"

"Yep." The waitress swings back by, dropping off drinks and lingering for just a moment, so Javi picks up his whiskey and looks up at her. "You still offer the Hellspawn?" He asks curiously before he downs the shot in one toss of his head.

"Only to people brave enough to try it," she simpers, clearly meaning dumb instead of brave, but not wanting to put him off.

Javi smirks and looks over at you. "Give us two and a basket of cheese fries to cool down with." He orders.

"We're both going to do the barbecue burger." There isn't even a debate on that – the burger boasted cheddar cheese, thick cut bacon, house barbecue sauce, and onion straws with house-made pickles on the side and that has both your name and Javi's written all over it like a neon sign. When the waitress nods and walks away with your menus, you sit back and laugh at his expression. "You didn't think we'd both gravitate toward the same thing? That's the quintessential burger for us."

"I expected you to go for the chili relleno burger." He admits with a small grin.

"I thought about it." You really did, especially since he had mentioned it on the way here. "But...onion straws. You know I'd probably climb through the jungle in high heels for anything having to do with fried onions."

"That is true." He frowns. "Haven't you already run through the jungle in high heels though?"

Only once, but it had been early on and Javi had made you out to be something of a legend for managing it. "Yeah, so I know what a pain in the ass it is."

"I wouldn't want to find out for myself." He picks up the glass of water that had been delivered with the other drinks and takes a sip. "Word of advice, don't try to drink water after the Hellspawn. Makes it worse."

“Noted.” Although that has you morbidly curious, you don’t ask questions. He ordered the cheese fries, that’s what is going to happen after the drink of doom.

The jukebox starts to play and Javi looks around the bar again. Noting that not a lot has changed over the years. "So we just need to get through Danny's wedding." He broaches the subject. "I'm sorry, but I think pop has told the entire family that we are together. So expect questions and tales about the wedding that wasn't."

“Why didn’t you ever tell them that we aren’t?” It is such a point of curiosity and frustration that you need to ask. As much as you don’t want to upset him, you need to know why he never just told his family that you aren’t his girlfriend.

He sighs and shakes his head. "It's–" He doesn't want to admit that he had talked a lot about you with his Pop, giving the man the impression you were very important to him. Because you were. "I don't know." He admits with a shrug, figuring that it was easier to say that than to admit that he wondered what it would be like to be in a relationship with you.

“Bullshit.” It is, and you’ll call him out on it any day of the week. There’s apparently shit he’s been hiding from you, but this isn’t going to be on that list anymore.

He frowns, lips curled unhappily and he reaches for his cigarettes again after crushing out the one he just finished. "What the fuck do you want me to say?" He demands, shoving the cigarette between his lips and flicking the zippo open.

“The truth.” Your beer is going to be empty pretty quickly at the rate you’re drinking it, but fuck it. You’re annoyed after everything that got said in the truck. “I’m not gonna get mad, Jav, whatever it is. But I just found out you’ve been keeping shit from me and you’re lying about this and I hate being lied to.”

"I haven't lied." Javi shakes his head, lighting the cigarette and taking a long drag off of it before blowing the smoke up into the air. "Not to you. And I've kept plenty of shit from you." It's not the best argument but you don't let it go, just staring at him and waiting for your answer. He sighs and catches the waitress's eye, lifting his glass to indicate he wants another drink and sighs again. "Because I didn't want to tell them you weren't my girlfriend."

“But I’m not.” The lackluster explanation has only made you more confused, and you drain the end of your beer with your eyes pinched closed. “You just don’t want them to know you’re single? Jav, I would have given you shit about it but I would have played along. You could’ve just asked. I get having an invasive family.”

"I don't give a shit about that." Javi scoffs and shakes his head. Looking away from you in embarrassment. "You– you're the closest I've been to a relationship since Lorraine." He admits quietly, shrugging one shoulder. "It's kind of nice."

“Lorraine is…the fiancée you left at the altar?” If you’re the closest he’s been to a relationship since that, he’s even worse at them than you thought.

"Yep." Javi huffs and leans back when the woman brings over his next drink.

"Those Hellspawns are almost ready." She tells him with a wink.

He nods but he doesn't watch her walk away, finding your eyes again. "Talked about you enough that Pop thought...well, he thought I was hesitant to admit we were dating."

“You talked about me?” All of this is news to you, but at least you can keep your voice down with that no one is looking your way. “Like…before you told him I was coming here?”

Javi frowns again, picking up the new glass of whiskey. "Of course I did." He tells you. "You didn't ever talk about me?"

“I don’t talk to my family.” They don’t want to hear from you and you don’t want to fight with them, so it was just easier to avoid by not calling. “The people I talked to most were you and Steve.”

He rolls his eyes, aware that any conversation with Steve about him wouldn't be a good one. "I–" He tosses back the drink and shakes his head. "It's nice, okay?" He hisses. "Fucking normal. I feel normal. Imagining that we– that you–" He breaks off and slumps back. "I'll tell them."

“He wanted me to tell you.” The words come blurring out of your mouth like you had tried to swallow lava, and it’s immediately too late to take it back.

"Tell me what?" Javi barely pays attention to you, clenching his jaw as he thinks of how to break it to his Pop that the woman who is 'perfect for him', isn't even someone he's ever kissed.

The waitress comes back, this time with a tray with six items on it. Two shot glasses, two whiskey glasses and two beer glasses. The makings of the Hellspawn. "Here we go."

With the moment broken, your sudden burst of bravery deflates and you sit back, very nearly pouting sullenly. “Right. Let’s just drink.”

"Okay." Tessa sets the tray down and smiles at Javi. "You know how this works right?" She asks, sure that he might be the most handsome man she's ever seen. "Drop the jalapeño juice into the whiskey and then drop both glasses into the beer." The glasses of beer were only half full, making sure that it's not too messy. "And those cheese fries are coming right up."

“Can’t take the barely legal waitress home if you’re still fake-dating me,” you mutter after she walks off, feeling bitter at your own stupidity at this point.

"What?" Javi frowns, confused at what you are talking about. "I– her?" He shakes his head. "I haven't even looked at her."

“Until twenty minutes ago in the truck I was under the impression that your rule was anybody but me, so I’m still adjusting,” you tell him curtly before dropping your drink together with determination and putting the concoction to your lips so you can’t say anything else stupid.

"Fuck you." Javi drops the juice into the whiskey and glares at you before he picks up that glass to drop into the beer. "I always wanted you. Still do." He picks up his own drink and starts to down it.

It isn’t until your glass is down – the foul drink being oddly tasty at first but soured by the mood that you find his eyes again. “I slept with Steve because I was depressed that you never looked at me twice.”

Javi grimaces and coughs slightly at the burn of the capsaicin in the drink before staring at you. "Probably because when I looked at you, you were walking away from me."

“He told me to tell you.” You repeat, wishing you had another drink to down, like maybe you could drown yourself in them. “Said you deserved to know. So there. I’m telling you.”

"So there?" Javi reaches for the water out of reflex. "Like I was expected to know you wanted me to look at you when you scoffed every time I left the office." You knew where he was going, what he was doing. He hadn't hidden it. You had made your feelings about his affairs very clear.

“Shockingly,” this time your sarcasm is aimed at yourself. “I didn’t handle being in love with you very well. Being jealous of every other woman in Colombia grated on me just a little.”

The water is halfway gone when Javi realizes his mistake. The burn of the peppers in the whiskey immediately increases and he feels his tongue start to burn. "Shit."

“Shit?” Not having registered the drink or the water or any of it, you sigh only so you don’t scream and squeeze one hand into fist as hard as you can. “Forget it. Never mind. I’ll get my shit out of your Dad’s house and find a hotel tonight. I’ll get out of your hair.”

Eyes watering, Javi squeezes them shut and prays that the fries come quickly. "H-hot." He wheezes after a moment of trying to speak but being unable because of how bad his mouth is watering.

“Wha��oh!” When you finally realize what happened – remembering what he said about water making the drink hotter and realizing that he had half of his glass – you are up and out of your seat in a heartbeat to go straight to the bar for a glass of lemonade or juice or even tomato juice. Anything with acid. The confused bartender gives you a glass of tomato juice with lemon and says he’ll put it in your tab in the same breath that you’re thanking him and bringing it back to the table.

Breathing hurts and Javi's trying not to inhale too much as you rush back over with the glass of juice. Shoving it into his hand as he greedily starts to gulp it down in an effort to quell the burning of his mouth and esophagus.

Acid helps heat. Carrillo told you that once when you had dinner with him and his wife and got in over your head with his wife's fantastic and incredibly spicy salsa. It won't cure him instantly but it will help, and now you're sitting at the table feeling like an idiot for getting mad about his reaction when he was in pain.

Once every drop of the juice is gone, Javi sighs, setting it down and cursing himself for being so unnerved by you and this entire situation and he had fucked up and done exactly what he had warned you again. "Thanks." He grunts, reaching for a napkin to wipe his mouth and wishes he had another beer to wash down the taste of the tomato juice.

"Sure." The awkward shuffle of two people who can barely look at each other is mercifully interrupted by the waitress arriving with the plate of fries and two more beers, and she takes your glasses away silently after reading the tension between you.

"So." Javi takes a large swallow of his beer. "Let me lay this out. I made sure not to hit on you so it wouldn't ruin your reputation. And you were mad at me for not hitting on you?" He asks, finally glancing back over at you.

"Not...technically?" Thank god there's food to concentrate on right now and you can be justified in not looking at him. "I was jealous and frustrated. Not quite mad."

"And I'm jealous that you fucked Steve." He confesses. "When I found out, I figured that was why you never seemed to like me."

"He was upset about Connie and I was upset about you." You poke at a few cheese fries with your fork and try not to curl in on yourself. "I said your fucking name in bed with him Jav, it's not like I'm not fully aware that I fucked up."

"Oh don't tell me that." Javi winces, his own fries halfway to his mouth. "I– that's– ouch."

"I just said I fucked up." You point out. "I did. And we both knew it. That's why he told me I should tell you."

"You have told me." He murmurs, shoving the fries in his still overheated mouth. "And look like you want to be anywhere else but here."

"I'm not chomping at the bit to be rejected, that's all." There is a difference between wanting someone and you just admitting to being in love with him, and you are absolutely as fully prepared to be told that he doesn't feel the same way about you that you have been the whole time. It's just that now he actually knows the extent of how you feel.

He never thought you were dim witted. Out of the three of you, Javi had personally felt you were the smartest agent there. Yet you still have not made the connection despite all the pieces being in front of you. "And you are here because I could not admit that you and I aren't together."

A long moment of silence passes between you before you close your eyes and sigh, feeling even stupider than you had a minute ago. "...fuck."

Javi doesn't say anything. Letting the moment hang between you. If you want to clarify, to ask something, you can.

"I honestly can't decide which one of us is more of a dumbass," you mutter, wiping one hand over your face. "Probably me, honestly. But fuck..."

"Did you work with Los Pepes?" Javi snorts, shaking his head. "I think that honor would go to me."

"No." The shift at the table is only your awkwardness, and you gulp another breath. "But I did go to them to beg them to let you out of your agreement, so I guess I'm specifically a sentimental dumbass."

"You shouldn't have." Javi insists. "They would have just slapped you on the wrist for fucking Steve if that hadn't come out. You would still be there. In the hunt for that bastard."

"Well, I did." The things you do for love apparently include tanking your career. "You had been there a hell of a lot longer than any of us. You deserved to see it through."

"Apparently not." Javi grumbles, shaking off the sense of disappointment. "That's life though."

"I'm sorry." It's not as though you made it worse, but you certainly didn't make it any better.

"It's not your fault." Javi knows he has no one to blame but himself. "I'm sorry." He is the one who is ultimately responsible for you being sent back to the States. He is the one who needs to apologize.

"You didn't make me go to them. For that matter, you didn't make me get drunk and stupid with Steve, either." You sigh, shaking your head. "I did what I did for my own dumb reasons and you have nothing to apologize for."

"You felt like you had to protect me." Javi hums quietly. "You put your career on the line for me."

Picking up your beer, you stare into the golden bubbles for a second before nodding. “The shit we do for love, right?”

"You don't love me, muñeca." Javi shakes his head. "You don't know all the things that I've done. You think you love me.”

“You don’t get to decide that.” You tell him flatly. “You don’t have to feel the same way, and you don’t have to be my friend, or even my partner. But you definitely don’t get to decide how I feel about you.”

That shuts him up. Staring at you for a moment before he frowns, nodding at the truth in your comment. "I am– I am not a good man."

“Does that immediately disqualify you from deserving every morsel of happiness?” Some people might say that it does, but you’ve never believed that.

"I will let you down." He sighs softly, revealing his worst fear.

"How do you know that?" Considering you haven't actually asked him for anything, the possibility is extremely miniscule. The worst he can do at this moment is tell you no, and that's what you're fully expecting. So it can't be a let down at all.

"It's what I do, muñeca." Javi snorts. "My mother, Lorraine, Helena, Oliva, Horatio, Steve, you, I let everyone down."

"And you don't deserve a chance to redeem yourself ever?" That makes you put your drink down again, and actually hold his gaze across the table. "I can't decide for you, Javi. I never thought in all the time I've known you that I actually had a chance at all, so you telling me 'no' is exactly what I expect. But if you want to give whatever this could be a chance, you very literally know where to find me."

“Don’t turn this into me rejecting you.” Javi shakes his head and leans back, folding his arms over his chest. “This is me protecting you.” He insists. “Don’t you see that?”

"I'm not trying to pick another fight." There has already been plenty of that for today. "If forgetting we ever had this conversation is what you want, that's fine. I'll smile pretty and play your fake girlfriend at your cousin's wedding, and I'll get myself out of your hair just as soon as Washington decides what to do with me. Seriously, Javi. It's fine." You've dealt with plenty of heartbreak in your life. Javier Peña won't be the first or the last person to break your heart, but you're a big girl. You'll carry on.

Javi frowns, unhappy with your answer but he can’t blame you. He’s pushing you away. “It’s not smart.” Javi shakes his head. “We’ve been drinking.”

"Fine." Despite the fact that you can feel your heart breaking in your chest, you just shrug and fold your hands in your lap under the table. "The dog takes up the whole bed anyway."

“Muñeca.” Javi murmurs quietly, his dark eyes fixed on you. Sighing softly when you won’t look at him. Hating how much you look like he’s crushing your heart.

****** To say the meal is tense is a bit of an understatement, but you pick up your book for a few hours when you get back to the house and mercifully find that Chucho has had some friends over to play poker tonight so no one is paying much attention to you or to Javi. It's just you and the dogs for a while before you figure it's safe to go to bed, seeing as you haven't seen hide nor hair of Javi since you got home.

The barn has always been a place where Javi has been able to think. The monotony of manual labor helps clear his mind and just work. Even after years away, he knows how to clean out a stall and lay fresh bedding. So the animals are getting it tonight instead of tomorrow morning? What’s a few hours when he can exhaust himself instead of going inside and begging you to let him touch you. To burn off this need that is clawing under the surface and threatening to overwhelm him.

"Looks like it's you and me, bud," you tell MacGyver, placing a kiss between his ears and shutting the bedroom door temporarily so you can put on your pajamas. It takes just a couple of minutes before you pop the door open again and crawl under the covers to give him your undivided attention. Five or ten minutes of devoted petting before shutting your eyes is good for the soul, and maybe tonight you won't end up crying yourself to sleep.

By the time that Javi closes the barn door, it’s late and every muscle in his body aches. Sweaty and needing another shower, he quietly makes his way into the house and into the bathroom. He can’t climb in the bed filthy, that wouldn’t be fair to you. Quickly showering, he wraps a towel around his waist and makes his way to the bedroom.

The dog is snoring soundly but you barely managed to stop the tears when you heard him start up the shower across the hall. With your eyes closed and the blanket pulled up to your chest you hope you look convincingly asleep, just trying not to get into another argument before sleeping.

Pushing the door open, Javi stops, listening to hear if you are still awake. “Muñeca?” He whispers softly. “Are you awake?”

It's better not to answer, you decide quickly. Better to let him think you've already drifted off so he can just settle in and fall asleep. For that matter, maybe pretending will actually help you fall asleep.

He sighs softly, unsure of why he even bothered. You hate him now. Moving over to the dresser, he pulls out a pair of boxers and slides them on. Easing his way into the bed so he doesn’t wake you, he fights for the tiniest piece that he can squeeze onto, pushing the dog over. “I wish you knew how much I love you.” He murmurs after a long moment of staring into the darkness. “How much I want to be with you.”

It's too late to say anything now, but at least you're facing away from him so he can't see that you're tearing up all over again. Of all the men in the world, you had to go and fall in love with an emotionally closed off idiot who talks to you when he thinks you're asleep. And you know for damn sure it's love because you catch yourself thinking it's cute.

“You’re going to be reassigned somewhere else.” Javi whispers. “You’re too good of an agent not to be. And if I’m– if we are together, you won’t take it. You’d give up your career for me. Again. And you’d hate me for it.”

Barely suppressing a sniffle, you squeeze your eyes shut facing the windows and say nothing. You don't move and don't make a sound, listening to him pour his heart out when he thinks you can't hear him.

“Every damn day I want you. Crave you like you’re the purest fucking cocaine that has ever come out of Colombia.” He sighs. “I’m fucking tired of jerking off in the shower, imagining how you would feel, how you would sound. But I can’t touch you and lose you. I can’t, muñeca.”

A tear actually escapes this time, damn him and his sentimentality, but you don't move to wipe it away or even flinch. His confessional is his alone. You're not supposed to be hearing a word of this.

“If it takes you hating me to keep you safe, to keep from hurting you, I’ll do it. I’ll sacrifice my own happiness for you. Anything for you.”

A sob nearly shakes you, and it takes biting your lip to keep still and silent. Thank god for MacGyver, that dog could drown out anyone with the sounds of his sleeping. He's trying to protect you. And as noble as that is, you'd rather have him than safety any day of the week.

He had imagined it would be cathartic to confess this to you. That it would be a weight off his chest, but it’s not. He doesn’t know why, but the hollow ache is still there, the weight pressing down on him. “You asked me why I didn’t tell my family that we were together.” Javi has to add one last thing and then he will bury these feelings. “I wanted to imagine what it was like for a while. Pretend that you are mine. So I could go on without you when you leave.”

Biting your lip, squeezing the pillow, muffling your mouth with your hand, none of it could possibly be enough this time. With those words out of his mouth and the raw sob that wracks through you, the best you can do is hope that he doesn't feel the bed shake - or maybe that he isn't looking at you while he's talking. Otherwise the ruse of being asleep is completely useless at this point.

“Goodnight, muñeca.” Javi whispers again, feeling the dog shake the bed. “I always called you ‘doll’ because you are precious to me.” He closes his eyes and sighs, turning towards the door so he can try to sleep even though he knows he won’t.

______

Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks @athalien @sherala007 @skvatnavle @thatpinkshirt @jaime1110 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @goodgriefitsawildworld @greeneyedblondie44 @katheriner1999 @littlemousedroid @harriedandharassed @churchill356 @ajathegreats-blog @haylzcyon   @beardsanddetectives @kirsteng42 @ladykatakuri @adancedivasmom @madiebear @tanzthompson @emilianamason @bigsdinger @xocalliexo @pedr0swh0r3 @avaleineandafryingpan @charlyrmv @avidreader73 @iceclaw101 @loveslide @elegantduckturtle @becsworld @julesonrecord

My Masterlist!

[ro-is-struggling]

Fireproof Series Masterlist || Johnny Storm x Reader

disclaimer: the pictures above are purely for aesthetic purposes and do not represent the physical appearance of the reader

Series summary: you and Johnny weren't supposed to get along. You were the exact opposite of each other. While he was loud and outgoing, you were quiet and introverted. He loved to be the center of attention and you actively made efforts not to be. He had made a name for himself as one of the biggest players on campus while you stood out for your academic achievements. You hated guys like Johnny, and he had no reason to associate with people like you since you rarely shared spaces. And yet, against all odds, you were able to forge a solid friendship. In fact it was the contrast that made the two of you work so well. You called out his bullshit and he pointed out yours. You were a good influence on each other, no one could deny that. It was a perfect relationship, you knew all the bad things about each other and still chose one another....

But what happens when romantic feelings start to flourish?

This series is a collection of one shots that will give you a glimpse inside Johnny and y/n's complicated relationship.

Warnings: slow burn, friends to lovers, mutual pining, a bit of angst, fluff, lots of cliches (like seriously, I was kinda playing the game of how many cliches can I put in the same story? lol) 2000s teen flick/ rom com coded (so I guess it’s a bit cheesy? read at your own risk!), FEMALE READER

This fic starts a bit before the events of the first Fantastic Four movie, when reader and Johnny are in college (but it gets to the movies don’t worry!)

English is not my first language

Author’s Note: I recently rewatched the old Fantastic Four movies and I had so much fun I just had to write something for Johnny. Yes it's terrible plot wise but I love the early 2000s vibes of it. So I tried to keep a bit if that vibe with very overused tropes/scenes and stereotypical characters (yk like the annoying popular girl, the playful fuck boy love interest with a heart of gold and the ‘I'm not like other girls’ main character). I have a soft spot for those kinds of stories and I thought Johnny was perfect for it! I tried to keep a balance as to not make it too over the top, I hope I did a good job

The idea for this fic is to make a sort of collection of separate one-shots that show different moments in Johnny and reader’s relationship, if that makes sense. I have most of the story planned and written, but it is not completely closed. What do I mean by that? That I have a beginning, conflict and ending thought out, but that doesn't mean that once I post those parts the story is over. 

I'm structuring this fic more as plot points than anything else (i.e. how they meet, when they have their first kiss, what the big love confession is like, stuff like that). Beause of that, there are parts of the timeline of the relationship that aren't shown. And that leaves me time to imagine a lot of things, if that makes sense? So if I have a random idea about a silly thing that happens between them in the middle of "the plot" (or if you guys think of something!), I can add it and expand the context without changing the whole story.

ALL PUBLISHED PARTS:

Part 1: First Impressions

Part 2: {COMING SOON}

[winterrrnight]

BESTIE, CONGRATS ON 300 !! i’m so freaking happy for you. you deserve this so so much 🤍. i’m so in love with all of the fics you’ve written so far.

i’m here to request: meet me in the hallway. choose out of drew, rafe, & zach + a prompt.

ofc i’m gonna choose my bby zach with #29

i luv uuu 🤍

thank you so so much anna!! I love you so much, thank you for all your love and support <3 this request has me on my knees with how cute it turned out to be, I hope you love reading it!

a beautiful, drunken mess

PAIRING: zach maclaren x gn!reader

SUMMARY: your best friend needs to call your knight in shining armor when you get a little too drunk

WARNINGS: alcohol consumption

EDITH SPEAKS: OH MY GOD yes we're kickstarting my 300 celly fic requests!! I've gotten so so many requests and I swear I'm so excited to write each one of them. I got late to starting on these because my hectic schedule and my writer's block got the best of me, but I'm back :))

Please reblog if you liked this!! feedback is always appreciated 🫂

PROMPT REQUESTED: "you sleep with the stuffed animal I got you?" "of course."

300 followers celebration || navigation

You've never been one to party hard and get so drunk you can't see clearly in front of yourself. But when you finally pass some of the toughest exams you've ever had to give, you knew you wanted to party till you can't breathe.

And that's what you did. The biggest frat party happening in a rich kid's home from your university has adrenaline coursing through your veins as you don't think twice before taking a shot.

In fact, you got carried away so much, that your best friend Tessa who is literally known to be the biggest party animal in your whole university, is concerned for you.

"Give me that," she grunts, taking the millionth cup you were about to down. You pout, trying to get it back, but the alcohol has made your mind all fuzzy and you aren't very sure what exactly you're trying to do.

"Who knew you had this hidden side?" Tessa says, shaking her head as she takes your hand and leads you out to the garden of the big house. You try your best to stop her from dragging you, but your drunken power is no match for her quite sober one.

"Tess come on! I'm not done yet," you huff, your arms crossed across your chest as you see Tessa is basically blocking the door.

"Nuh uh, not today," she says, pulling out her phone. "You need to get home, like right now,"

You groan out loud, and you attempt to simply walk on the lush grass you're both standing at, but you greatly miscalculate your steps and fall on the grass, head first.

Tessa rushes up to you, asking you over and over if you're okay. You just look up at her and start giggling constantly.

"I'm okay," you say in between your giggles, your own mistake having you amused. Tessa sighs at you and quickly finds the contact in her phone she was trying to find, before you decided to take a fall.

She impatiently taps her foot, waiting for the person who's supposedly on the end of the phone to pick up.

"Hello?"

Finally.

"Zach hi!"

"Tessa, you okay?"

"Yeah, I just need you to come and get your... thing," she says, looking at you lying on the ground and looking up the stars as you hum to a melody.

Zach laughs on the other end. "What happened?"

"Too drunk, can't even see straight," Tessa groans. "You need to come over right now."

"I'm on my way."

Tessa lets out a sigh of relief on hearing those words. She turns towards you, and lets her hand out for you to grab onto.

"Come on, Zach is coming to pick you up," she says, helping you stand up, in a not so graceful fashion.

Hearing the word 'Zach' lightens a light bulb in your head. "Zach? Where's Zach? I need my Zach," you slur, trying to run around the garden, as if he's standing right there and you just can't see him. Tessa has a hard time but she finally catches up to you, firmly grips your hand to make sure you don't run off and do something stupid again.

"He's coming, okay?" She huffs out, holding onto you tightly. She's expecting you to throw some sorts of tantrum, to complain how your boyfriend actually is here and she's just hiding him on purpose, but instead, you only nod obediently.

Tessa hears footsteps approaching you both, and just as she turns around, she swears she could've have cried out of happiness.

Zach is standing there, looking at the two of them with a smile on his face.

"Zach!" You yell excitedly, as you run (or, try to run) to him. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you in a hug, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

"Hey baby," he mumbles, leaning in to kiss you on your lips. You sigh at the feeling of his soft lips on yours, your eyes fluttered close and a million butterflies prancing around in your stomach.

"Thank you Tessa, we'll be going home now," Zach acknowledges the girl standing at the back, letting you both enjoy your moment. She nods with a smile on her face and goes back inside to the rest of the party, and Zach leads you back out to his car.

He definitely has a struggle settling you in the car seat and buckling your seat belt, as you've never been this drunk before and it's also his first time taking care of super-drunk you.

But, he doesn't hate it or finds it to be a difficult task. You're sitting in the seat next to him, saying little cute things that have his heart racing.

"You're so cute Zach, you always take such good care of me," you pout, poking his bicep. He laughs at you, and you continue to praise him.

"You're just," you sigh, "perfect. I couldn't have someone as perfect as you."

You definitely weren't aware of what you were saying, but Zach knows you being drunk isn't the only time you'll say these words to him. You love to constantly drop little phrases to let him know you do appreciate him and every single thing he does for you.

Both of you being relatively a new couple, it does take a big toll on you both because you aren't used to saying or listening to such kind words so often, but you both also know you wouldn't want to share this with anyone else.

"We're home," he looks at you with a smile on his face, as he gets out of his car, runs up to your side and helps you out. With an arm looped around your shoulders to help you maintain your balance, he leads you in to your home.

He takes you in to your room, and gently lets you lay down on your bed. It's a bit of a struggle, but he finally gets you to remove your outfit and replace it with a more comfortable one.

"Thank you Zach," you say, as he tucks you in your warm duvet. He leans in to press a kiss to your nose, and makes a mental note to leave a glass of water and an advil on your bedside table before he leaves.

As he is about to walk out, you call him out and stop him from leaving.

"What happened?" He asks, his hand on the light switch.

"I, I need Arlo, can you find him please he isn't here," Zach is confused on hearing these words, but when he sees tears starting to brim in your eyes, he knows this Arlo is important.

"Arlo? Babe I'm afraid I don't understand," he asks you, walking closer to you.

"Can you check under the bed please?"

Zach isn't sure what he's looking for, but he'll do anything for you. He leans down on his knees and looks below the bed, and of course, he makes out a silhouette of some stuffed toy under the bed. He reaches his hand out to grab onto it, and when he sees it, he realises he knows exactly what it is.

For one of your first dates, Zach took you to your local city carnival. He was determined to get you a good toy from any game, just like any good boyfriend would (his words, not yours), and after loads of struggle, a lot of pennies and many comforting hugs and words from you, he finally wins you one.

It's a little brown colored dinosaur stuffed toy, and Zach had no idea how attached you would get to it.

"You sleep with the stuffed animal I got you?" He asks, handing it to you as you take it and brush off the dust off it.

"Of course, I love it," you smile, tucking in the dinosaur with you. Zach can't help but give you another kiss, gently caressing your cheek as his lips trace yours.

He leaves the room to get the water and the pill, and when he comes back, he sees you already passed out. Arlo is tucked safely under your arm, and Zach knows he can watch this for hours on end.

Because you're his beautiful, drunken mess, and he wouldn't want you in any other way. (Well, maybe not this drunk, but you know what he means.)

↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-

TAGLIST: @runningfrom2am @saccharinesammie @maybankslover @totalswag @madelynie @chenslucy @ietss @elle-mp3 @viawritesstuff @wallsdreams @tahliac11 @sadfury @newsies-pape-girl @jamesbuckybarneswify @xxxlaura @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles

[anincompletelist]

2024 wips! :D

hi all! taking a page out of @inexplicablymine 's playbook and compiling a list of my current and (hopefully) future wips for this year since I haven't revisited this list in a few months!

also, please feel free to consider this an open tag if it's something you'd like to do as well! I think it's a wonderful way to get organized and to share some excitement!

[and before we start, here are all of the fics posted in 2023!]

Something Borrowed, Something Blue (aka bridesmaids!) is posting now and currently has three out of thirteen parts posted. it will be fully published by the end of the month! you can read here:

Something Borrowed, Something Blue

When June gets engaged, Alex, her brother, and Henry, her best friend, are asked to be the official Guys Of Honor. There’s a month to plan the whole thing, which would be near impossible anyway, only made worse by the fact that being around each other the last several years has only ever led to petty fights and useless competition. Unfortunately, as the two most important men in her life - aside from her fiancé - they don’t really have much of a choice. Alex has a lot of feelings about this. As it turns out, Henry does too.

[the following works have at least half or more of their goal word count completed and will likely be posted sometime in february if all goes to plan]

dom!alex part two to this fic [5k]

soft dom!henry [10k]

five times henry doms alex on accident and one time he does it on purpose [4k]

angsty alex 5 + 1 / 'sticks & stones' [2k]

[redacted] 'verse prequel

[wips that have significant word counts or have been fully outlined but still have a ways to go before they're finished]

poetry au / 'speak easy' [23k]

canon divergent anonymous server fic [5k]

vamp!henry + vamp hunter!alex [2k]

hitman!alex au [15k]

diabetic!alex au [6k]

a/b/o au set in canon verse [20k]

truman show au [1k]

boxer!alex au [1k]

escort alex / private club au [2k]

cha cha real smooth inspired au

canon divergent thriller inspired by 1984 / knives out / nine perfect strangers / the menu / the hunt

Jeff (Bottoms) x Shane (Minx)

professional gift giver non-famous alex au

mary and george inspired one shot

[ideas and snippets I have written down but don't have a significant word count yet]

quantum of solace inspired one shot (bond)

google au

drunk dial canon divergence

happiest season au

rival wineries au

alex is medusa, henry is midas

museum guide henry + substitute teacher alex

one shot about henry's antidepressants side effects

severance au

a/b/o au #2

+

please feel free to come and yell at me (kindly) about any of these or to send requests! this list changes constantly but I tried to round up everything I could think of for right now :)

xx

[aftgtandn]

We’ve been saying it this whole time but let us repeat just once more: you are INCREDIBLE. Your support of the fest and of everyone’s works is what made this possible.

We are so so grateful for your support and the reception the fest has had — we can’t take you enough for it.

It’s really been a blast, and you guys made it all possible. The guessing game and all of your attempts have been incredible to see (not to mention the bingo cards and all the memes you made!) and we know you’re all excited to see which of your guesses were right and who managed to fool you all the way until now…

We know it’s been a lot to keep up with (7 stunning art pieces, over 270k words worth of fic!!) so please continue to leave comments and kudos for our incredible participants and keep giving them ALL the love they deserve as you catch up post reveals. 🧡

To our amazing creators: Be sure to tag us when you're posting your work on your Tumblr & Twitter accounts, so that we can keep promoting you!

You can find all of the fest works in our AO3 collection, but we know what's you're really wondering right now... WHO MADE WHAT??

Without further ado… here’s the full list of works and their creators:

(JOHN 16:24)

by jinjjasyuga Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard Explicit // 0 words Summary: Andrew asked so he received. (Literally.)

You Know I'm Good On My Own

by sambutwithbooks Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard Gen // 4568 words Summary: Andrew breaks his arm two games into the season and it feels a little bit like Neil’s world snaps with it. (A snapshot of Neil and Andrew between Andrew coming home from the hospital and going back home to Palmetto State.) ------- Written for the AFTG Then & Now Fest prompt from alecgo: Andrew breaks his arm. They deal with everything that follows.

10 Times We Fell a Little More in Love with Kevin Day

by gleefulfoxes Kevin Day Gen // 2897 words Summary: Ten times Kevin Day stole our hearts and earned his rightful place as the internet's jock bf

Hold Me Like a Knife

by Moondal Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard Teen // 1068 words Summary: What touch Andrew can tolerate he has wrestled from the minefield of his past, fought a one-man guerilla war against long-gone ghosts. The ground he has gained for himself is massive as is. He can stay within known spaces and be safe. And yet. - Thoughts on touch and an exploration of new intimacy.

nocturnal animals

by animediac Abby Winfield, Betsy Dobson, Gen Gen // 11621 words Summary: “He was an addict,” Taylor says roughly, turning away to unplug the blender. “He wouldn’t accept help and he didn’t care who he hurt with it by the end.” “He was our brother,” Abby says, sadly. “I know,” Taylor tells her. “That was the worst part."" — Memory takes the graveyard shift. Abby Winfield works nights.

Peaches and Cream

by Random2002 Aaron Minyard, Katelyn Explicit // 7119 words Summary: It's certainly well known that Aaron Minyard was head over heels for his girlfriend, Katelyn. In fact, when they are inspired one evening to try something new in the bedroom he's all for giving it a shot even though he's nervous. Who knows, maybe he'll discover something new about himself? Or: Aaron gets Pegged

Reaching Out

by TogeMythia Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard Explicit // 6154 words Summary: ‘What are you thinking about getting?’ Neil smiled as he propped his chin in his hands. Andrew sat himself back against the leather of the booth and gestured to his chest. For a moment Neil didn't understand, but then the realization hit him all at once. ‘Oh.’ - or Andrew gets his nipples pierced

Invisible Smoke

by ScornedEthnographer Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard Mature // 1233 words Summary: Smoking was one of the very few things in Andrew’s life that he could count as his. One of the very few constants that he allowed himself to rely on, to expect, to trust. It came from years of repetition, the same billowing taste of acrid smoke on his tongue, the stale stinging in his lungs. It was the same, over and over and over again. It was a rare constant. One of the ""few and far between”s. Unusual. Uncommon. Peculiar. But not the only one.

Quit Horsin’ Around

by JosenlovesMinyard Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard Teen // 2486 words Summary: Kevin persuades the Foxes to take part in a trail ride whilst staying at the cabin. Neil finds it a lot more enjoyable than he thought he would.

Victory Lap

by justadreamfox Kevin Day, Jeremy Knox Explicit // 7665 words Summary: Kevin gets two things he's always wanted: Olympic gold and Jeremy Knox.

Truck driver POV

by Habakos Neil Josten Gen // Art Summary: First truck driver that lets Neil tag along at the gas station

on the cusp of getting it right

by orionauriga Aaron Minyard, Andrew Minyard Teen // 11145 words Summary: “So,” Neil begins, with a smirk that informs Aaron in the space of one syllable that his mood is about to take a running leap out the car window and splatter gorily across the interstate. “Is it true that you don’t have a license?” -- Andrew teaches Aaron to drive. It goes...about how you would expect.

The Golden Pipe Dream

by Gforce Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard, Kevin Day Gen // 8564 words Summary: Neil, Andrew, and Kevin compete in the 2012 Summer Olympics.

Last Straw

by mrskrementz Neil Josten, Mary Hatford Teen // 3478 words Summary: What happened in the Wesninksi household in the week leading up to Mary taking Nathaniel on the run? A look at the pre-canon events from Mary's POV

Goner

by gus_47 Kevin Day, Aaron Minyard Mature // 4871 words Summary: Aaron is the first to notice that Kevin’s alcoholism is an actual problem. He’s an addict, too — he never misses the signs.

I hate you

by itsdill01 Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard Mature // 1233 words Summary: Andrew finds out about Nicky’s sexual assault on Neil.

Trials and Tribulations of Wrangling Foxes

by HalfpintPeach Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard, Gen Gen // 8419 words Summary: When the girls graduate, Neil is standing on his own as Captain of the Palmetto State Foxes.

I find you a little distracting

by lazarusthefirst Neil Josten, Kevin Day Explicit // 6562 words Summary: Kev and Neil fuck on the foxhole court

Weight Bearing

by Justthislazy Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard Explicit // 4385 words Summary: Prompt: Andrew is Strong He carries Neil around and Neil is not ok. Can lead to NSFW but mainly I just want Neil being flustered about how strong Andrew is.

probably be fine

by foodforthot1 Allison Reynolds, Renee Walker Explicit // 8978 words Summary: Once they go pro, Renee and Allison end up on the same team. Now that they’ve made it out of the college/mafia drama, they can finally stop denying the spark between them

Andrew Minyard has no problem carrying around Neil Josten

by emry_stars Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard Gen // words Summary: Three images (two full/one chibi style) of Andrew carrying Neil in various situations. One image (chibi) of Neil attempting to pick up Andrew

in the middle

by stabbyfoxandrew Andrew Minyard, Neil Josten, Kevin Day Explicit // 9900 words Summary: After a night of drinking has them talking about sex, Andrew reveals that his biggest fantasy is taking Neil and Kevin at the same time. They're both surprised, but very willing to make it happen. Andrew just has to decide if he likes the idea now that it's out of his head. [Set ten years post canon. Kandreil are married and living together and sooo in love.]

Buzz cut season

by H_bee69 Neil Josten, Aaron Minyard, Nicky Hemmick Teen // 2192 words Summary: Neil's bored but Nicky and Aaron keep him company

Complexity of the aftermath

by tathatisbrightassun Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard, Allison Reynolds, Kevin Day, Dan Wilds, Matt Boyd, Aaron Minyard, Nicky Hemmick, Renee Walker, Betsy Dobson, David Wymack Gen // 6545 words Summary: Betsy didn’t know what to say. When David called her after the holidays and said that some of the foxes would require an extra session with her she got a bit concerned. However, when every single fox, including Neil, booked a session, she had only one question in mind. What the actual fuck happened in Baltimore? Betsy learns about Baltimore events and she has thoughts.

Dream clouds, ghost ground (I’ve been looking at the sky to show me where I went wrong)

by Ateiluj Gen Mature // 11457 words Summary: Cass Spear deals with her son’s death, the truths that it reveals, and how it all reshapes her past with Andrew.

The Foxes go to Disneyland

by KittKatAttack Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard, Dan Wilds, Matt Boyd, Nicky Hemmick, Kevin Day, Aaron Minyard, Allison Reynolds, Renee Walker, Katelyn, Erik Klose Gen // 1547 words Summary: The foxes go to Disneyland and chaos ensues

Give, Bequeath & Devise

by the_greater_grief Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard Teen // 2502 words Summary: Neil inherits the Baltimore house.

worth it

by mostly_maudlin Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard Teen // 1960 words Summary: ""What makes you think I want you fighting on my behalf?” Andrew asks. Neil pulls the ice pack from his face, features tightening with a new spark of anger. “What makes you think I care if you want me to?” he asks. “It’s my choice. And I will always choose to fight for you.”

Andreil Marriage

by TeoMoy Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard Gen // words Summary: Andrew and Neil getting married in the woods, with Wymack officiating and the foxes there.

right here every day

by rwnjun Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard Mature // 8855 words Summary: Neil's new cat does not like Andrew.

i needed someone i could run to

by seasy33 Kevin Day, David Wymack Teen // 8608 words Summary: The idea of a father didn't occur to Kevin until after his mother died. The story about a letter, and the terrifying ordeal of finding your family.

The Later Parade

by hourafterhour Kevin Day, Jean Moreau Mature // 41152 words Summary: No such thing as a bad pass to Kevin Day.

andrew gets his nips pierced

by maddervanilla Andrew Minyard, Neil Josten Mature // words Summary:

What Makes a Family

by Aquared46 Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard Explicit // 9671 words Summary: Post-Baltimore, the Foxes take a vacation in the mountains. During that time, the Foxes get to know Neil better, and Neil gets to know himself better too. OR 8 times Neil is taken care of by his teammates and +1 time Neil learns what it means to take care of himself.

Andrew Doe, Juvenile Delinquent (Art)

by WymackAndCheese Andrew Minyard Teen // 0 words Summary: Digital illustration of Andrew Minyard in a Juvenile Detention Center, pre-The Foxhole Court

Mind over Matt-er

by Twolipsliterature Dan Wilds, Matt Boyd Teen // 2633 words Summary: ""The first time the girls saw Matt shirtless, it was distraction enough to forget their conversation."" -AFTG EC Dan likes to pretend she's unaffected by Matt's charms and unbelievably hot body. Even she knows what bullshit that is.

A wall at your back

by djhedy Andrew Minyard, Neil Josten Teen // 4628 words Summary: Foxes get married

our gentle violence

by foxbyeol Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard Explicit // 1996 words Summary: The opposite of cruel is always gentle and that is what everyone expects from you when you care for someone else. They treat it as a delicate, breakable thing. But the connection between them wasn't hanging on my thread of porcelain. Hands that were never taught to be gentle only know how to ground by a firm touch. A touch that is not punishing like so many of those who preceded them but a pushing want which is not only welcomed but desired. And there is a freedom in that, getting the space to be rough without ""cruelty"", a gentle violence they have made their own. OR, Andrew and Neil roughhouse and play around together without much consequences - the only being the rewarding kind.

Against The Wall

by Mystrana Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard Explicit // 2882 words Summary: After years together, Andrew's finally gotten to a point where he can request exactly what he wants from Neil. And in this case? He wants to be railed up against the wall.

transferable skills

by decaflondonfog Jeremy Knox, Jean Moreau Explicit // 11111 words Summary: It’s the way Jean watches his own hands as he guides the thread through the paper, pulling the gathering tight to the spine. It’s the way Jean bends, strong and handsome, over a tiny embroidery hoop to get the details exactly right. Jeremy Knox is supposed to be spending his senior year worrying about what comes next. Instead, he’s mesmerized as he watches each stitch come to life and finds, there in between the threads, something completely unexpected.

a mother's love

by Greenfallleaves Neil Josten, Mary Hatford Teen // 9259 words Summary: In the hell that was Neil's childhood, there were good moments too. Almost all of them included his mother. Mary cared about her boy. Or 5 relatively peaceful moments from Neil's childhood.

we're one (there's nothing to be done)

by wesawbears Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard Teen // 2345 words Summary: After Neil is injured, he and Andrew come face to face with how quickly everything they've worked for can be taken away when the Moriyama's check up on their investment. The two will be forced to face the emotions created by the deal that was made so long ago.

When Did You Learn That?

by Geneat Neil Josten, Gen Teen // 2635 words Summary: ""I thought Andrew was the lockpick to watch out for,"" Matt said dryly. ""It's a Masterlock,"" Neil said dismissively. Then, with no finesse at all, he jiggled the rod violently and the lock popped open. ""A toddler can open it.""

glittering eyes, sweet smile

by starscrossingfates Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard Gen // 0 words Summary: Whenever Neil laughed, Andrew looked at Neil as if he was the sun itself. And Andrew was a planet unequivocally caught in his orbit. [Art]

Not fast enough

by OhThePain_333 Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard Teen // 2797 words Summary: Andrew has a violent nightmare in which Neil dies. It unsettles him a lot. He needs comfort and Neil's hugs. They talk about their respective nightmares and cuddle.

Layover

by justadreamfox Andrew Minyard, Neil Josten Explicit // 3064 words Summary: The geography is fucked, but he has Neil tonight, even if it's barely more than a layover. Or, prompt #17: Andreil bang ON the mas.

hot girl bummer (we've shipped kevin to california it's fine don't worry about it JUST KEEP GOING)

by alcego Kevin Day, Jeremy Knox, Jean Moreau Explicit // 9258 words Summary: For the first time in his life, Jean has the opportunity for a quiet, uneventful summer. Instead, he has with two (fake) boyfriends who keep flirting with each other by proxy, a bone-deep weariness that's doing more to his skin than the sun, and a looming sense of inevitability about it all. He can handle one of those problems.

dashboard saints

by nanatsuyu Kevin Day, Andrew Minyard Explicit // 7750 words Summary: Andrew stands in his own way when it comes to most things in his life. Kevin Day is not an exception.

Local Man Gets Injured Getting Friend (?) Off, Says “Worth It”

by kunimi Kevin Day, Aaron Minyard Mature // 7645 words Summary: “I didn’t know you were seeing anyone,” Neil says. There’s something thoughtful in his tone, and it takes all of Kevin’s willpower not to immediately glance at Aaron. Instead, Kevin lifts his head slowly, scanning over all his friends’ faces with a deliberate casualness. As soon as his gaze crosses over Aaron, though, he realises he has no idea what to say. They haven’t – talked about it. Not really. (Two hours ago, Aaron was teasing him about being in a rush, and Kevin’s focus had been on how flustered he was in the moment. Now, all he can think about is Aaron’s first comment. Romantic, Aaron says dryly, shaking his head. Romantic, romantic, romantic. Kevin wants. Kevin aches.) There are probably worse ways to reveal new developments in your love life than getting benched, baffling your team’s medical personnel, and accidentally announcing your sex-related mishaps to your entire professional team’s management and several members of your college one. Kevin can’t think of any right now, though. —is it a 22-night stand or a relationship? kevin day's guide to soft-launching your new man [it’s long 💀💀💀 so the bottom part is more useful for a summary, the top bit is excerpt]

hypocorisms

by mostly_maudlin Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard Teen // 2183 words Summary: Three times Andrew calls Neil “rabbit,” and one time he calls him “bunny.”

Thank you all SO MUCH!!

With all the love and appreciation in the world,

Your Then&Now 2023 fest mods

[raina-at]

Year in fic review 2023

Total number of completed stories: 4, I finished Spare Parts in 2022, just finished posting in 2023.

Total word count: About 50 k (published, god knows how many words of unfinished WIPS and abandoned one-shots)

Fandoms written in: BBC Sherlock, I'm a one-trick pony these days ;-)

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?

Hm, I suppose less? And not the things I expected. I started writing a lot of long, plotty fics but apparently, it wasn't the year for long and plotty fics. I suppose I didn't have the brain space for long and plotty.

What’s your own favorite story of the year?

Probably Nothing Gold Can Stay, because I had this idea months and months ago, of John having a bit of a crisis before his wedding. I had this one piece of a core of a fic, the whole nucleus where John tells Sherlock nobody ever sticks with him, ever. And then I had three different fragments of fics trying to make it work, and every one had something amazing in it, but I just couldn't make it gel. And then I thought of the famous The thing you wanted to say, say it now, and the scene on the bench in TSOT, and bam, I had a fic. It came out in stops and starts of 200-word chunks, while John laboured with whether and how and when to trust enough, to have faith enough to actually say how he feels. I'm really proud of how it came out in the end, and I'm very happy you guys responded to it the way you did.

Did you take any writing risks this year?

I don't know about risks, but I wrote 31 ficlets in pretty much a month, which came out to 26000 words, and that was no mean feat. And I actually still like most of them. Gave me a bit of writers' burn-out, I won't lie, but what a ride!

Do you have any fanfic goals for the new year?

I want to finish my Christmas fic. I would like to re-visit the Nothing Gold boys because I think there's meat on these bones and I always wanted to do a series of shorter fics that hang together. So maybe I can do something with that. But last year was so stressful at work and I don't see this year going any better (we have three big conferences this summer, so it's probably going to be So Much Worse). So, I'll be grateful for what I can accomplish, and accept that it might not be everything I want.

Most popular story of the year?

Nothing Gold Can Stay for sure.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

Hm, I got a lot of lovely feedback this year, so I generally feel loved and appreciated by fandom. My May ficlets especially got a lot of responses here on tumblr, and I loved that dynamic interchange between writing and reading and commeting, especially with the others who did the challenge.

If I had to pick one underappreciated story, my Spare Parts 'verse January 29th fic The Stars Walk Backward didn't get a lot of eyeballs, but it's understandable given that it's a one-shot in a 'verse that not that many people are famliar with in the first place. It's a bit of a stepchild of a 'verse, but I love it, and I love this story for its unabashed sentimentality. It's very sweet and very calm and has a lot of 'we're back together and I don't want to fuck this up again' energy. I love re-visiting this fic if I need a quick pick-me-up, so. You know.

Most fun story to write:

Most of the ficlets were fun to write, and Tipping Point was somehow the opposite of Nothing Gold Can Stay in that it came out in a big rush over four days, like a writing tsunami. But my Christmas fic is also super fun to write, I just hope I can sustain the fun and actually finish it.

Most unintentionally telling story:

Probably Nothing Gold Can Stay, I suppose. Grief is really complicated, and it's difficult to come to terms with the fact that you can sort of stumble into pockets of it, and that you sometimes grieve things that are technically still there but have changed a lot. Essentially, the story is about a John who has to stop running away from his grief and turn around and face it, and a Sherlock who sees that if he wants to truly get John back, he has to face it with him.

Biggest disappointment:

With myself for being unable to finish the many, many, many fics I've stared but didn't remotely finish. But also gracious to myself for letting life happen.

Biggest surprise:

Not surprise but gratitude for the love and support of this fandom. You guys are awesome. I'm so grateful whenever someone tells me that something I wrote made them Feel Something(TM). It's the greatest compliment a writer can receive, and I feel truly blessed that I heard this a fair bit this year. I write because it makes me happy, and if people reading my fics experience something similar, then that makes me even happier. So thank you, fandom.

[bettsfic]

hi beth! i've got a fic that i've been struggling with for some time, and i think i could feasibly it scrap for parts and come out with a few smaller and (more likely to be finished) oneshots. i loved your advice that nothing is wasted when writing and not to be precious about ideas/words, so do you have any advice on whether it's the right idea to scrap a fic, and if so, how to do it?

i think if you're considering scrapping a fic for parts, it's worth it to try, just to see if you like the result better than what you already have. you really have nothing to lose, you know? either you'll get some good one-shots out of it or you'll get some new insight into the form you've already chosen.

one of the hardest skills to develop in writing is being able to feel and acknowledge when a story is working and when it's not. it's so amorphous and clouded by either doubt or enthusiasm, and you never know for sure until you get to the end.

going back to my knitting analogy, it's the point at which you realize the sweater you're knitting is not going to fit its recipient. so do you undo the whole thing and start over? use the yarn for socks to give to multiple people? or do you find someone slightly smaller to give it to, knowing you'll be a little disappointed in yourself for not doing what you set out to do?

i think the activity i'm about to lay out is good to do not just in this situation but also any time you feel very lost about a big project that you've been working on for a while. i've done it many times and i hope it helps you as much as it has me.

step one: go through the piece and highlight all the parts you like. this can be anything from entire chapters to maybe just a single sentence. these are parts that make you go "yeah this is working" or that you're particularly proud of. your darlings, if you will.

optional: in a different color, you can do this also for the parts you really don't like, that you'd be embarrassed to show someone else. what's left un-highlighted is what you feel neutral about.

step two: either zoom very far out on the document or do a multi-page view, however you can to see as much of the work as possible at once. notice the ratio of highlighted to un-highlighted text.

step three: brainstorm. i have to do this part with pen and paper, but however you get your big-picture ideas down is fine. at this point you haven't made any major decisions yet. it's just an experiment. IF you were to scrap a story for parts, what would it look like? and so you can start writing down your one-shot ideas.

at this point, you should have a better idea about how you want to proceed. maybe the highlighting activity brought to light the fact that there are really only a few spots you don't like and maybe you can rewrite or cut those; or maybe you have an idea for some restructuring. or you really like the one-shot ideas you've written and want to start the first one.

it's important to remember that there's really no loss here. you can write the one-shots, post them, and then come back to the longer version of the fic maybe years later and finish it. it's fanfiction; your audience will not complain about overlapping parts of stories. they'll just be happy to have more to read.

so if you've decided to play around with the one-shots, here's how i've done it in the past.

step four: open a new document. i call this document the stitch draft. the stitch draft is used for situations like this, but also for major structural edits. you need a bridge between the old draft and the new one. the sole purpose of this draft is to copy and paste over the parts you've already written that you want to keep for your first one-shot, in roughly the order you want them in.

step five: open another new document. put it side by side with the stitch draft. start writing the one-shot by bringing in the work from the stitch draft while also writing the connective tissue of the new context of the story. this may involve editing the stitch draft elements at the same time to make them relevant to your new story.

the stitch draft method has never really steered me wrong. in fact when you're very stuck i think highlighting and moving stuff to a new document is a way to help inspire new ideas, simply because you're fiddling with the text and getting out of your own head about it.

[walkingstackofbooks]

Trying to decide what I want to work on right now and so to procrastinate I thought it'd be fun to share my current WIPs with you all (omg how did I get so manyyyyy)

Feel free to shout encouragement at me if there's any that particularly pique your interest! :P

Anyway, in order of how recently I've worked on them:

1. Prompt - what if Kukulaka got broken and Garak repaired him?

Coming soon? 80% it'll be done in the next week: I'm hoping to just bash it out at some point, but even though it's short and self-contained, it's hardddd...

2. Unexpected Chapter 2 of Imprisoned. Absolute Sloanshir rot: Sloan provides Julian with more "help", Julian gets increasingly confused/grateful/flustered/fucked

Coming soon? Almost 100% you're gonna see it next week - I am hype and should should should get to the end once I have an evening to myself ;)

3. Prompt - "I don't trust myself to be good to myself right now, but I need someone to be good to me." Conversations between Miles and Julian at various points in the series when they've hit rock bottom and need pulling out.

Coming soon? No... I've written one post-DBIP scene but I'd at least want the post-Argrathi scene and the rest of the DBIP stuff to be done before I put anything up, if not the whole thing... It's definitely a long fic I'll be returning to in fits and bursts. (sorry, prompter...)

4. Prompt - Garak and Julian's first conversation post-IPS/BIL.

Coming soon? It's a strong contender for next week - I was super hype for it when I started but then work interceded and I just haven't got back to it yet. It is a priority, though!

5. Pre-DBIP: a few moments where Julian's unspoken issues with his parents cause friction for him but go unnoticed by his friends. Post-DBIP a similar moment happens and is recognised for what it is. Featuring Julian + beets.

Coming soon? I really don't know. I've got a strong vision for it and scene one (of four) is done, but it's kind of stuttered since then.

6. Julian starts to neglect his self-care, leading to him passing out in the infirmary. Sisko would like to know what the hell happened.

Coming soon? It's already on tumblr in a rough and ready form, so editing to put on AO3 might well happen in the next week - and I'd say a 50% chance of something extra with that?

7. Chapter 2 of At Their Mercy. Alpha!Garak takes over with Omega!Julian where Kira left off... 😉😉😉

Coming soon? Gahhh, I have written this several times over in my brain, but getting the start of this chapter has been proving difficult. Definitely not until after the Imprisoned chapter is done.

8. Why Leeta Kept Kukulaka And How Julian Did Try To Ask For Him Back. Just cute, fluffy gap-filling; I love both of them.

Coming soon? Probably not. Only the outline has been written tbh and this hasn't caught my fancy in a while.

9. "Acts of God": A runabout crashes on a planet where medical intervention is outlawed. Unable to help his injured friends and forbidden from alleviating the suffering he sees around him, Julian has a very bad time...

Coming soon? No, I think this is probably going to be an after-VIsion-Awry project rather than a can-i-get-it-done-first one.

10. "Sloan's planet": Sloan is Julian's s31 handler, sending him out on all sorts of missions... but the missions are fake, Sloan using the holosuite to manipulate Julian pretty much any way he wants...

Coming soon? Possibly. This has more of a series vibe maybe with a few distinct one-shots, so if I get a short idea I might bash it out 🤷‍♀️ Sloanshir's often just so easy to fall into.. 🤣

11. Keiko + Molly + Julian + drawing post-DBIP. Julian's not very good at it, and it's a bit feels but a lot of fluff.

Coming soon? Well I haven't touched it since April but I do smile whenever I remember it exists (and looking at the file, more was written than I remember!)

Welp - and that's not even counting the myriad other ideas floating around my tumblr/ in my head! Or the fact that I have probably another 15-20k of Vision Awry to go... Well, here's looking forward to my August of writing!

(Which I'll definitely have... if I stop procrastinating! :P)

[kinnporsche]

here’s yet another kinn & porsche rec list! just like with the first two, this list is ordered according to length (from longest to shortest), and each is written by a different author! also, all currently incomplete fics have been marked with (wip). listen, when i tell you kp fics are literally piggybacking me through this year, i mean that shit. there are an insane amount of talented people in this fandom, we’re honestly so blessed. anyway, please be sure to read the tags, and show the authors some love! [part 3/?]

— echoes in my dreams by nuwildcat – explicit / 92k words

It’s been 10 years since the first Kaiju attack, humanity built the Jaeger program to fight them, and Kinn Annakin Theerapanyakun is one of the top Jaeger Pilots in the world. There’s just one problem—none of his co-pilots have lasted past a year with him. Enter Porsche Pachara Kittisawat. Somehow, this disaster of a bartender with no Drift experience shakes Kinn’s understanding of the Drift and changes humanity’s fate at the same time. Well, as long as Kinn doesn’t kill him first.

— instinct by thewayside – explicit / 90.5k words (wip)

Not everyone has an instinct, an animal self that lives inside a person, born from their souls and forged to live in their flesh. Hundreds of years ago it was common to have bears, rabbits, fish, and lions, a menagerie of animals—but now, as time and dilution of bloodlines has increased, the most common thing to have is nothing at all.

— two shots by martynax – explicit / 81.8k words

“So I’m supposed to end a mafia dispute?”

“Something like that,” he mutters, wondering if he’s making a mistake, revealing it to Porsche so soon. Nothing is set in stone, after all. But he has a gut feeling that the man appreciates honesty and simplicity much more than intrigue and schemes.

“Then why don’t you kill him yourself?” Porsche questions, but that is going to stay a secret from him for now. He won’t give Porsche ammunition to get away from the deal. If he says he’s trying to keep it a secret from his father, he could find a way to get in contact with him and fuck things up for Kinn. It may be far-fetched but Kinn’s not taking any chances.

“How about you answer one of my questions?” He asks, cocking his head slightly to the side.

“Oh? You show me yours, I show you mine?” Porsche teases him. The raised corner of his mouth and the twinkling in his eyes makes it clear he’s making allusions to their dicks.

“I know mine is bigger, there’s no need to compare. You would just embarrass yourself,” Kinn tells him with a smirk of his own, helpless against the pull Porsche seems to have on him. Porsche laughs, clearly surprised at the comment.

— ‘til the fever broke by vesna (mrsronweasley) – explicit / 63.6k words

In a world where having a sex slave is a status symbol, Kinn’s father gifts him with a slave.

— stumbling to the edge ‘series by firerisingoverthehills – mature / 51.4k words

Kinn doesn’t kiss. He just doesn’t. Not since Tawan and how that whole shitshow ended. Porsche must read something on his face, because he actually bridges the gap between them. He sets a hand on the seat next to Kinn’s thigh and leans into his space. His knee is up on the seat, the other leg hanging off it. He leans in close enough that Kinn can feel his steady breaths on his face.

Kinn is going to tell him. He’s going to lay down the rules. Tell him that he doesn’t kiss. That he doesn’t like to be challenged. He’s going to—

And then Porsche kisses him and Kinn... Kinn doesn’t stop him.

(Or: An AU where they meet in a slightly different way, Kinn still falls head over heels though.)

— xxx curious straight boy ‘series  by mirrorofprinces – explicit / 34.2k words

“Porsche is extremely close to signing. In fact, he has a final meeting with the execs on Monday morning. The only condition is that he wants to request his first partner, and it’s you.”

Kinn takes a long drink of his whiskey, sets the glass down, and runs his tongue over his teeth. “So you had to meet with me, urgently, to tell me that a beautiful boy wants me to fuck him, thinking I’d say no.” He drums his fingers on the bartop. “Which means there’s a catch.”

— the house don’t fall (when the bones are good) by bytherirveriwept – explicit / 11.3k words

The reality of Kinn is at times a grasping, hungry thing even when he is standing still.

(Or: Porsche and Kinn are the Theerapanyakun agency’s best team. They live in each other’s pockets and share their deepest secrets. But when Porsche takes on the role of bait in their latest mission, it throws their entire relationship into a spiral.)

— gone was any trace of you by kurtstiel – explicit / 11.1k words

Kinn is looking at Porsche like he’s seen a ghost. Porsche blinks and the haunted expression is gone, Kinn smoothing it over with something neutral, but there’s still something fragile at the edges of it, like a crystal figurine balanced on a ledge. Kinn’s body relaxes in a way that’s purposefully casual, tucking his outstretched foot back onto the bed.

“You were in the bathroom,” Kinn says. He phrases it like an answer rather than a question.

(Or: Porsche left Kinn in their bed with nothing but a note. In the aftermath of the shootout, Kinn can't stop thinking about it.)

— quis custodiet ipsos custode by concernedlily – explicit / 8.1k words

Porsche props his chin on Kinn’s chest, on his favourite spot in the valley between his pecs, and peers up at him. “Tell me? I’ve never seen you have a nightmare like that.”

He toys with the edge of the bandage wrapped awkwardly around Porsche’s shoulder. It’s a knife wound, scored shallow but long down from his collarbone towards Porsche’s nipple, which is certainly in Kinn’s top ten parts of Porsche’s body and probably top five, and not to be endangered under any circumstances. Porsche had tried to treat it himself and Kinn had dragged him to the medical wing and supervised the stitches and the bandaging himself, mentally cursing out the minor family’s men for a crowd of incompetents the whole time. “Deng. He was… the first bodyguard who died for me.”

— cliff jump ‘series by airgiodslv – explicit / 7.3k words

“You know the rules, then?” Kinn asks.

Porsche looks amused, like he can tell how badly Kinn wants to wreck his composure. “No kissing, no marks on you, bubble bath first,” Porsche recites easily. “I read your notes file.”

Kinn is almost certain Porsche isn’t supposed to tell him the escort agency keeps a notes file.

(Or: An AU in which Kinn requests an escort for the night, and gets Porsche.)

— love on the water, love underwater by butterflylungs – explicit / 7.3k words

The golden light of the sun washes over him, rays catching in his dark hair, caressing his skin. Porsche would do unspeakable things for this man, and the fact that he’s been neglecting him in favor of work bothers him more than he can put into words. He misses Kinn with every breath, with every heartbeat, and he wishes he didn’t have to spend so much time away from him.

(Or: A day off, a surprise trip, and the dreams they’ve had to let go.)

— forward is the doing by daltoneering – explicit / 5.5k words

He exhales an acrid lungful, and opens his eyes. Right here, in the electric scarlet of the evening, they had made their choice. Design had shaped them for too long; now, the broken glass on the floor shimmering like a thousand stars to wish upon, Porsche lives by decision.

The door into the bar spills a shadow out into the light of the yard, and Porsche reaches for Kinn with simple instinct: their hands meet in the gloaming, and Kinn folds himself around Porsche’s side like a coat, or a blanket.

(Or: In the red-blue neon of the lights behind Hum Bar, Kinn and Porsche chose each other—and what better way to explore the meaning of that than through devastatingly tender-horny sex?)

— i’m the only one at the end of the day by kinnpornsche (bloodyinkwells) – explicit / 5k words

“I know this is a revolutionary idea, but maybe you could trust your boyfriend to not be cheating on you every time you see him with another man.”

“What is it from?”

“Instead you just assume I’m a slut,” Porsche barks, and then his voice softens. “When I’ve only ever been loyal to you, and you know it.”

(Or: Porsche flirts with someone for a job. Kinn doesn’t take it well. Porsche talks back.)

— no one does it better by midnightfreeway – explicit / 2.8k words

Kinn takes comfort in being in control. Control is power; control is freedom. It allows him to act on his own initiative. It brings him pleasure in a world where danger lurks around every corner. Kinn has no idea who he would be without it. An empty shell of a man, a puppet with someone else pulling the strings.

But it gets tiring, always having to fight for your own survival.

— cravin’ by yeetlegay – explicit / 1.8k words

It’s only when Kinn is two knuckles deep in Porsche’s ass, his teeth buried in the meat of his thigh, that it occurs to Porsche he probably isn’t that straight.

[chilling-seavey]

favourite f1 angst fic?

Hi anon!!

Surprisingly, I haven't read too many angsty fics since joining the F1 fandom. I'm always open to suggestions!

Out of those that I have read thus far, however, the very few that fit the criteria would be as follows:

While It Lasts (Lando x Reader) by @thef1diary ↳ It's such a well written piece that really pulls you in and makes you FEEL so many feels - the good and the bad - like a true roller coaster. It's a longer read (which I love!!!) and well worth the time. I had the privilege to help edit this one for Di and I couldn't get enough. This one is something really special.

Fleeting Flames (Landoscar) by @starlightiing ↳ Jess carries such a power with writing angst where she really forces you into the characters shoes where you feel exactly what they feel without fail. This one is no exception. Shot but sweet piece that leaves you on the edge of your seat the whole time. I was almost screaming at my laptop screen reading

Car Crash Hearts (Pierresteban) by @starlightiing ↳ This wouldn't be an angst rec post without Jess being featured twice. This is her current WIP and I'm trying to be okay with the fact that it's currently left on a cliffhanger. Pierre and Esteban are HER duo - literally her brand - and I'm hoping more people want to read about them through her because her stuff is so so good; a great entry into an underappreciated ship.

For As Long As We Both Shall Live (Lando x OC) by @grandprixwinnerlandonorris ↳ OCs need more love in this fandom and this one is absolutely no exception. Another WIP that I'm clawing at the bars of my enclosure for more of tbh. Written so eloquently, it takes something so dark and makes it feel like artistry, forces you to feel and empathize for every single character, and those damn chapter end cliffhangers, bro, I cannot

[binaryjayne]

More Venko. Forever Venko. I am STUCK on this pair.

First off, I wrote a thing. It's this thing right here:

After the war, the Alliance and press catch wind of their relationship and decide to "redo" their wedding, making it an enormous event in the process. Both James and Kaidan want just a tiny bit of it for themselves.

Pairing: Kaidan Alenko X James Vega | rated G | 2.5k words | Part of the Honeymoon series

CUE THE OVER ANALYZING OF THESE CHARACTERS AND THIS FIC.

Spoilers for my Honeymoon series (and this fic in particular), but honestly, if anyone read the first smutty one-shot, there's nothing new or surprising below this line.

Okay. So, in this fic, both of them have an idea of how they want their proposal and wedding to go. Let's walk through Kaidan's first:

He got his suit tailored.

He made a reservation at a fancy restaurant.

He hired a violinist.

Does any of this sound like something James would be into? No, I really don't think so. I'm not saying James is simple, but he certainly has simple tastes. James values his connections to people over anything else. It's important to him that the people he loves are happy.

Would that proposal make Kaidan happy? Absolutely.

James? Not so much.

That approach to him would be stuffy and too much. Kaidan would find it romantic and understated, while James would find it over the top. He'd find more romance in an impromptu proposal on the back porch of their home while stargazing under a blanket. Granted, he's never going to not be thrilled at whatever Kaidan's proposal was, because at the end of the day he was always going to say yes (ignoring the fact that they're already married). But a little more consideration for what he might like would be nice.

I mean, a violinist? Really, Kaidan?

~

Now James' wedding plans:

Backyard BBQ

Only friends and family

Tattooed wedding rings

There's no spectacle, no expectation, just good food and good company. Would James love it? Yes. Would Kaidan love it?

ALSO YES!

So why does James think he'd hate it? Well, he doesn't, but he feels like Kaidan deserves more than something as casual as a backyard get-together. Kaidan deserves the violinist and the fancy dinner and the ring in the champagne flute. Those are big gestures that show just how much you love that person. Just because he doesn't find it particularly personal, doesn't mean they aren't traditional gestures for a reason. James doesn't want to be on the receiving end of that kind of affection, but Kaidan certainly deserves that type of luxury.

He doesn't realize that Kaidan would be thrilled to be surrounded by his friends in a tiny ceremony. There's no expectation to be a certain person or act a certain way. Moments like an exchange of vows should be private and only shared with your loved ones. He might want something a little more than a backyard BBQ, but under no circumstances would he hate a small reception at the orchard. No cameras, no titles, just love.

Oh, and he'd want real rings, but could be convinced to get a tattooed one as well.

~

So why am I highlighting this? Because they've only been together for a year, give or take a few months, and they're still learning about each other. It's why the whole thing turns into a fight because they don't truly know where they stand with one another, only knowing they're in love. They're trying, they want it badly, and yet they keep missing the mark.

It takes time, sooooo much time to truly know your partner, and they got married in the middle of a war, as figureheads in the middle of that war. There wasn't any time to do anything besides cling to the fact that what they had was real and would fight tooth and nail for it to survive.

They have more in common than they think, but are two very stubborn people. I've written them specifically to have trouble communicating, because I'm a dick like that. But if Kaidan would stop interrupting, and if James would stop acting on knee-jerk reactions, they'd find more success at getting to know each other.

So they keep screwing up. They're going to stumble, they're going to be selfish, they're going to misinterpret the needs of one another. And you know what? That's okay. They've decided they want to be together and are willing to put in the work to make it successful. They're not perfect, no relationship is, but growing together is what is going to make them woven together in a way that makes sense for them both.

Will it work? Who's to say, but they're trying. They want to make each other happy, but it takes time for them to truly know just how to do that.

But there's time now, hard-fought and well-earned time. Giant spectacle of a wedding or stargazing at the orchard, as long as their together, it's time well spent.

~~

So that's my thought process. The explanation is probably longer than the three or so paragraphs that it pertains to, but there we go.

[batwingsandblackcats]

close the door & set the day down

Read on Ao3

Co-Written by @sageobo31

Rating: not rated

Archive Warnings: no archive warnings apply

Fandoms: Critical Role (Web Series)

Relationships: Laudna/Imogen Temult

Characters: Laudna (Critical Role) Imogen Temult Deanna Leimert

Other Tags: Fluff, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Christmas Fluff, Winter's Crest (Critical Role), Headaches & Migraines, Pining, Mutual Pining, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Pie Shop AU, Imogen owns a pie shop and Laudna owns a coffee shop, we really tried to get this out in time for christmas you guys, it didnt work

1/1, 9,228 words (complete)

Part 1 of Imodna Pie Shop AU

Summary:

Imogen loved the holidays. She really, really did, especially in this new home she'd found. Especially since meeting her new friends, meeting Laudna, since getting to introduce Laudna to all the holiday traditions she didn't get to grow up with. The look of absolutely unfettered joy on Laudna's face when she'd brought her to the tree farm just outside Westsruun to go cut down a tree for the first time was permanently etched into Imogen's brain. Not to mention the snow that seemed to blanket everything here in the winter, something she never saw back in Gelvaan. But, inevitably, the holidays are loud, in every sense of the word, and her lovely little pie shop is no exception. — Or, Imogen owns a pie shop, and she's completely in love with Laudna, who owns the coffee shop across the street. A pilot episode.

Notes:

We really tried to get this up in time for Christmas, y'all. Ah well. Sage and I have been playing with this au for over a year, just a fun little thing to keep us occupied while at work, and I've been keeping track of our notes for it in case we felt like actually writing it out sometime. But then, I really wanted to write something for the holidays, and we'd recently been headcanoning holiday scenarios, so we decided to just sorta snip this one night out of the au and make it a one shot for the holidays. We've been calling it the pilot episode. (Scenes subject to change when the whole thing is written out.) In a lot of ways this au really is Sage's baby--she fuckin loves Waitress, and my knowledge of Waitress begins and ends with the fact that pies are involved, so while I wrote this chunk, she's really gonna take the reigns with this au. Thank you all so much for the recent comments on our other fics, I'm so slow at answering them but please know that I literally screenshot every single one and send it to Sage so we can scream about it. Y'all are awesome and we hope ya all had a great holiday season! Thanks again for readin and we hope you enjoy! (Bonus points to whoever catches the Ask a Mortician easter egg.)

[widebrimmedhatsblog]

Nights for the Ask game!! 💕

(I’m still behind on OTRA so don’t want to get spoilers 😭)

I'm doing one night and then another for this ask, and the one night one shot on another ask!!

Favorite Scene: I would say the bit with Liam in the library, where he kisses the top of her head. I have NO idea what chapter that is because I haven't re-read the whole fic in full, but that was the first scene that popped into my head. I also love every scene in the Xaden POV flashback, but especially the Imogen scene because that's precisely how I imagine their pre-apostasy dynamic to be.

Favorite Chapter: The original one shot or the epilogue! I love the dynamic in the original one shot, the confined setting, the lap sitting, all of it!! And in the epilogue, I love the symbolism of them having such a calm moment. Also, ALL of my 14k Xaden POV chapter (I should not have started answering this when AO3 was down, because I have no idea what number that was...8?)

Everything else is going below the cut because I'm yapping!!

Hardest Scene to Write: Mmmm, every scene involving the actual plot? Is that a good answer? Specifically, that first conversation she has with Xaden about Naolin and Brennan and the forcefields. I forced my IRL friend to read it for me because I was SO nervous about the plot making any sense. Also, the scene where Vi reads Brennan's letter, and Xaden helps her through it. I got really hung up on writing that one, because I really wanted the emotional intensity to be there. For some reason, at that point I was really struggling to judge the emotional intensity of my OWN writing, but in everything I've written since that has an intense emotional component (OTRA, looking at you bestie) I've been significantly more confident!

Favorite Character to Write: Nights Xaden my beloved. In terms of comparison to my other fics, I seriously prefer nights Bodhi to OTRA Bodhi.

Favorite Dynamic: Riorgail!! I was constantly on edge about it not being in character for Xaden to be mildly emotionally available, but since decided I don't give a fuck! They were so fun! Especially at the end. Some of the comments I got quoting things Xaden said in those last couple chapters baffled me.

Why I Chose The Title: I can't remember! In terms of nights-verse as the series title, I thought it was a silly in-joke for me, because the whole fic until the very end only takes place at night. This was supposed to limit me and make it shorter so I could get back to writing original stuff/my plane crash AU sooner, but that actually didn't work! Evidently.

A Fun Fact About The Fic: I think this is something most of you partially know, but it was NOT supposed to be a long fic. I wrote the one shot for Alli and Amy's birthday bash, and a lot of people asked for me to continue it. I think they meant like...add a sex scene. But, I started thinking about writing my own long fic, especially because my favorite long fics in the fandom were both on hiatus at that point. Anyway, all that was backstory. The fun fact is that I sort of spontaneously came up with the force fields idea, and then I decided it was bat shit insane and no one would read it, so I told my IRL friend about it, and she encouraged me to write it!

[lifblogs]

Rookie Flight Maneuvers

@summer-of-bad-batch Week 13 Prompt: "Stop touching me!" // "I'm not touching you!" Alt. Prompt: Crashing Hard Rating: General Audiences Word Count: 513 Summary: Hunter is taking a flight test with his squad, and brotherly chaos ensues. Author's Note: Here it is! My last fic for Summer of Bad Batch. This has been such an amazing time, and I have written some of my favorite one-shots ever for this event. This tested me in some ways, expanded my writing horizons, and has even led to me making new friends. I deeply cherish this event, and can't believe it has come to an end. And especially since I started the event in a cast, healing from surgery and only able to write and post by painstakingly using my phone. I've come a long way during this. I had so much fun. I don't want to stop typing about how great this was because then it'll really be over. Wow. Just wow. Thank you to everyone who has been reading my fics! (No, I won't cry when I mark this series as complete. *is lying*) READ ON AO3

“Stop touching me!” Wrecker cried.

“I’m not touching you!” Crosshair argued back.

Both cadets were in fact touching each other, shoving, shoving…

Wrecker fell right into Hunter, nearly against the console of the ship they were training in.

“Hey!” Hunter cried as the ship lurched. “Are you trying to get us all killed?”

“Pull up,” Tech ordered.

He gritted his teeth, and tried to do as his brother said, and the ship lurched to the left.

“I said up,” Tech told him, “not port.”

“Why don’t you fly it?”

“Pick on someone your own size,” Crosshair demanded in the back.

“Hey, that’s not fair,” Wrecker whined, already much bigger than all of them.

“Sit down,” Hunter told them.

“I can’t fly it,” Tech responded, distracting Hunter from some of the chaos. “This is your test.”

A massive wave came up from the ocean, and Hunter tried to avoid it, but too late, and the wave hit the ship, rattling and rolling it. Hunter tried to go with the wave rather than fight it.

Wrecker and Crosshair, who weren’t strapped down, ended up falling, and Crosshair shoved Wrecker, who hit the console, and buttons sparked and flashed, and warning lights bathed them in red, an alarm blaring.

“Great. I knew this would happen,” Tech sighed.

Hunter tried to right the ship, to at least get it bobbing on the surface of the angry ocean. The amount of stimuli he was taking in was close enough to make him blow.

He tried flying the ship, but something burst, they were launched forward, Hunter hitting his head on the console. It was like there was a flash in his brain, and then a momentary blackness, and what he next knew was that something hot and wet was dripping down his face.

The ship was shoved back, and crashed hard into a wide support pillar.

Hunter leaned back, putting a hand to his head, and Tech looked up from his datapad—had he been on that the whole time?—to say, “I’ll fly us back.”

Hunter groaned, and Wrecker, and Crosshair collapsed into their seats.

“What a mess,” he voiced aloud.

“Don’t worry. We’re special ops,” Tech said. “Or will be. It’s not like they can decommission us. I don’t think.”

Hunter used his sleeve to mop the blood from his face. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Tech.”

They started to switch seats, Hunter unsteady as the ship bobbed in the waves.

“You’re welcome.” His tone was completely deadpan.

“They still feed us if we’re decommissioned, right?” Wrecker asked as Tech took the ruined training vehicle out of the water.

“No,” Crosshair lied… potentially.

Wrecker growled, and they started fighting all over again.

“I told you not to touch me!” Crosshair shouted.

“No, I told you!”

Hunter just held his throbbing head. Usually he loved his brothers, but they were pushing him to the limit today.

“Just get us home,” Hunter said to Tech.

“Yes, sir.”

The two-fingered salute he gave him was sarcastic. Fine. Whatever.

A commotion sounded behind him.

Wrecker cried, “Stop touching me!”

[softguarnere]

Hi, Dove!

I saw your post on not doing ship requests anymore, I apologize, I didn't know that you had stopped. I really enjoy reading your work, fic request or one-shot, etc.

I'm not quite sure how to describe this request but it's a Winters x fem!reader oneshot.

I've had this idea in my head that the reader (fem) is a private, or one of the lower ranks (possibly NCO towards the end of the war). Reader pretended to be a man to join the army (like your "Like A Man" fic), and after Winters found out, they started a sort of relationship.

The one-shot request is basically Winters keeps trying to promote her/give her special treatment (allowing her to stay at CP rather than the foxholes, giving extra rations, trying to stop her from going on the patrol from Part 8, etc) because he wants to protect her, but the whole time she expects him to treat her like every other soldier under his command. She loves him, of course, but she doesn't want the special treatment. So yeah, Winters has good intentions (and also wants to show his love because he's a man of action), but she doesn't want to be favored or treated any differently despite their romantic relationship.

I hope this makes sense.

Thanks! Have a great day!

Lucky Stars

Dick Winters x reader

A/N: Somehow this ask temporarily disappeared from my askbox? But it's back now, so we're gonna post this fic while we can 🥳 The entire time that I was writing this, I worried that it would end up being too similar to LAGLAM, since that fic was written as a reader insert at one point. However, because the interactions are with different characters, I'm hoping that I avoided making them feel the same 🤞🏽 Fingers crossed (This is written for the fictional depictions from the show - no disrespect to the real life veterans!) Thanks for the request Anon, and I hope you like this! Warnings: language, improper binding techniques, mentions of war

“This – “ you gesture vaguely and unconvincingly. “ – is not what it looks like.”

Lieutenant Winters drops the box he had, until a few seconds ago, been carrying into the nurses’ station with a real sense of purpose. Now though, it slams to the floor with a painful, heavy slapping noise. Winters himself instantly averts his gaze, but whether from respect for you or embarrassment for himself, you can’t be sure.

You, for your part, stand frozen in the center of the room with an armload full of bandage rolls and health sponges. Which wouldn’t be so bad and could possibly be explained away with an uncomfortable lie of some sort . . . if it weren’t for the fact that the bandages beneath your PT shirt have come undone, leaving your chest decidedly not as flat as those as the other men of Easy Company. In fact, it doesn’t look very manlike at all, as the good Lieutenant had noticed upon entering the room and startling you.

After fumbling for a moment, Winters finally finds his words. “I – uh, I’m sure that there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for this, Private . . .”

“Smith,” you lie.

A gingery eyebrow quirks itself in doubt. Yet, maybe it’s your imagination, but the corner of his mouth twitches, like your fib almost – almost – made him smile.

“Is that your real name?”

On instinct you start to lie again, only to catch yourself. What’s the use, at this point? Lieutenant Winters has been in the room for less than a minute and he’s already figured out that you are not the man that you’ve been claiming to be. Not a man at all, actually – just a woman who’s been disguising herself as one in order to join the army and make those Nazi bastards sorry that they ever killed the wrong girl’s older brother.

“No,” you admit with a sigh.

Winters nods. “Okay, well then.” He picks up the dropped box and sets it on a table before he himself takes a seat beside it. Since joining Easy Company, you’ve noticed that Winters is a pensive man, but he doesn’t take long to come to his decision this time. “Where do you want to begin this story?”

“Sorry?”

“Well, if I’m going to help you keep your secret, I figure that I should probably at least know why you’re doing this to begin with.”

Keep your secret. He’s not reporting you, or having you court martialed. It takes everything in you not to jump for joy.

“Okay,” you say instead. Where’s the proper place to begin this explanation? Winters is watching you expectantly. You clear your throat. “One afternoon, my family got a letter . . .”

. . .

“You know, you don’t have to call me by my rank.”

Alone with Winters, it still takes you aback. He may know your secret, and he may be kind enough to let you come to the home where he’s billeted whenever you need a moment of privacy, but why wouldn’t you call him by his rank?

If you’re being completely honest with yourself, you have imagined it – just not in the way that he’s talking about. Despite your gap in rank, you’ve spent a lot of time around Winters since he learned your secret. And honestly, who wouldn’t find themselves thinking about him as more than a secret keeper after getting to know him? Or even going as far as you have, after one day catching yourself daydreaming about calling him “Dick” and about what the dynamic between you might be under different circumstances. The answer, it would seem, is something that is unattainable under the present conditions. Dick Winters is a gentle soul, and you would hate to see him get hurt because of you.

“You’re my superior officer,” you remind him.

Winters shrugs. “But things are . . . different between us than they are with everyone else.”

“So I get to be an exception?”

Again, he shrugs. “If you want.”

“I don’t want special treatment,” you clarify. “That’s not what I joined up for.”

“Of course.” Winters turns his attention back to the desk with the papers he’s been working on. It sits in front of a small window, and the cool air of the English night blows into the room, fluttering both his hair and his papers ever so slightly. Maybe it can also blow these tempting daydreams from your mind as it passes through.

Without looking up from his paperwork, Dick nods to himself. “Offer still stands.”

You nod before realizing that you’re sitting just out of his peripheral vision. “I’ll think about it.”

. . .

Looking back, it’s hard to pinpoint the time when Winters stopped being Winters and became Dick. Probably at some point between the night when he told you that you didn’t have to call him by his rank and D-Day. After all, it was between those two events that you kissed for the first time – and then several times after that, always in private so as not to be caught.

The same thought from way back in Toccoa echoes through your mind – you would hate to see him get hurt because of you. Although that thought carries more weight to it now with the way that things have changed between you.

Dick being in – and being the one to suggest – a secret relationship is the last thing anyone, including you, would have expected from him. Yet, here you are.

“We’ll keep a low profile,” he suggests.

“We can manage that,” you agree. The secret has been kept safe this long. Now you’re just keeping one more hidden away with the original.

. . .

Keeping a low profile, it would seem, is the herculean task that never seems to get easier. Especially when you have to hide your identity and a secret relationship. So much for going unnoticed.

“We can’t keep doing this,” you sigh.

Startled, Dick looks up from the papers he’s been shuffling through. His eyes go wide as your words sink in.

“That’s not what I mean,” you rush to explain. Attempting to keep your arms crossed for warmth, you manage a vague gesture. “This. Where you give me the special treatment. Someone’s bound to notice.”

“It’s not special treatment. Not really.”

“Because of my – er, circumstance?”

Dick’s face pales. Or maybe it’s just the cold.

“I’ve asked lots of the other men from Easy to be my runner when I think they need a break. Liebgott was here yesterday.”

“But did you tell Lieb that he could spend the night here?”

Of course not. Dick glances away, his cheeks tinging pink. Point proven, then.

You move forward, closing the space between you and taking his hand in yours. You give it a quick squeeze before letting go. After all, there’s always the chance of being caught, which you really can’t risk.

“I appreciate it. Really, I do. I just . . . I’ve got to be treated like all the other men.”

“To make them believe you’re a man?” Dick asks with a raised brow.

“Well, that’s kind of the point of all this.”

That’s it – the secret that makes everything so hard, so necessary to stay off the radar, to hold your cards close to your chest. Disguising yourself as a man to join the Airborne had seemed like such a simple idea when you first came up with it. Putting that idea into practice, though, has been decidedly less straightforward.

Dick – back before he was Dick, to you because he was still Winters – finding out fairly early on may have been a blessing in disguise. For one thing, it brought you together, first as friends, then as a couple – even if your relationship has to remain a secret. But on the other hand, your boyfriend, the kind man that he is, won’t stop trying to take care of you, and you’re worried that someone will notice the special treatment and get you caught.

He's just trying to help in the only way he knows how to show he cares, you remind yourself.

With no one else around, you give him a quick peck on the cheek before stepping away and heading back to the door.

“I’ll see you later, Dick,” you assure him.

He nods, offering you a weak smile. “Stay out of trouble, (Y/N).”

. . .

The word travels quickly: a patrol, tonight, across the river. No one is happy about it – except maybe the new Lieutenant who’s just shown up – and some men have an easier time resigning themselves to their fate than others.

Liebgott is donning one of his trademark smirks when he joins you and several others who were picked to stay behind. You’ve just finished setting up the machine gun on a balcony, aiming it across the river.

“Thought you were on the patrol?”

“My lucky day,” he says with a shrug. “Webster knows German, so he got sent along as translator instead of me. Now I’m here with you lucky bastards.”

A few of the men allow themselves a laugh, either at Liebgott’s description of the events, or in acknowledgement of their own good fortune. You, however, stop short, a question tickling the back of your mind: Were the men picked to go on this patrol totally random? Or is there another reason for your own stroke of luck?

Dick Winters is a lot of things, but a liar is not one of them. You can ask him next time you see him and get your answer, you decide.

You gaze across the river, heart torn as the men around you pass jokes back and forth. You’re incredibly lucky to be on this side of the water.

. . .

There’s nothing in this life that you can’t do. Except, it would appear, ask Dick if he’s been intervening on your behalf.

Every time that you think you’ve worked up the courage, the words become stuck in your throat the second that you attempt to speak them, coming out as nothing more than a barely audible puff of breath.

Today, though, with the war over, it cannot go unacknowledged any longer.

Smiling, you let yourself in to the tent that Dick occupies. He looks up when you enter, smiles when he sees you.

“So . . .” you begin, taking a seat near him.

“So,” he echoes.

You can’t help but let your smile grow. “We did it. We made it through the whole war, secrets intact.”

Dick nods. “It would seem that we have.”

“And no worse for wear,” you add, tapping your sergeant’s stripes on your arm. The promotion should fill you with satisfaction. From the way that Dick looks at them, he feels the sense of pride that you’re missing. It feels like a hollow victory, because you can’t be sure . . . “Was it your idea to promote me?”

Your boyfriend blinks, taken aback. “What?”

“Did I only get this promotion because of you? Please don’t lie,” your voice is quiet, fragile, even. This is an accomplishment that you want to be proud of. However, you can’t feel that way unless its something that you truly earned – on your own with no special treatment.

Dick stands, taking a tentative step toward you. His expression has never been anything but open and honest. That’s true even now.

“No,” he says. “This is something that you earned on your own. Lipton was the one who suggested it.”

Lipton?

“Oh.” Shame washes over you, uncomfortable as a wool sweater in the middle of summer. “I’m so sorry, I just assumed – “

“I know,” Dick interrupts. “It’s okay. I can see why you would think that, considering – “ He makes a vague gesture that somehow encompasses all the times that he’s tried to give you special treatment, only for you to brush him off. “Not me this time, though. Although I wish it had been. Either way, you deserved the stripes, (Y/N).”

The pride you’ve been lacking sneaks into your heart, warming your chest. “Thank you.”

“Not me,” he reminds you with a sly smile. “It was Lipton.”

Playfully, you shove his shoulder. “You know what I mean.”

There’s got to be someone you should thank – not only for the promotion, but for getting you through the war with all your secrets intact. Your lucky stars, maybe. As you grab Dick by the jacket and pull him toward you for a kiss, that’s who you send your gratitude to. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Both of you are breathless when you pull away. For a moment there’s nothing but the peace that settles between two people who are in love as you try to catch your breath. Dick moistens his lips, about the say something, only to be cut off.

“I knew it!” A voice from the entrance of the tent exclaims, startling you both back into reality. Nixon takes a step into the tent as he repeats, “I fucking knew it!”

Well, maybe you thanked your lucky stars too soon.

[snowcoffeee]

Thank you for the tag @rhodophoria!! :D This was fun!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Just one (but there will be more soon ;))

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

127,025! I think Ashen Wishes is the longest story I've ever written (and it's still going, holy-)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly Undertale. In fact, I haven't written for anything else in years ^^' I need to have a lot of passion for a fandom to get myself to write. Unless the characters live 24/7 in my mind rent-free, no ideas will pop up.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Yes.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yeah, I love to! I really appreciate when someone takes their time to leave a nice message :] I always try to reply as soon as possible, or at least within a day.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I currently have a few one-shot ideas that have rather angsty endings, but I couldn't bear writing a whole longfic that ends on a sad note. ...I think.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Ashen Wishes will have a pretty happy, positive ending, so I suppose that counts (?)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully, I never have :)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Well... not really. I've given it a shot a few times and I have a couple ideas, but I don't think I can bring myself to post anything too explicit at the moment.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I've never written one! I've always found them too difficult to execute well.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so...? Though I never looked for it.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, but I wonder what that would look like! Although when it comes to writing fics, I'm much more comfortable writing in English than my native language.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet, but it sounds fun. I have friends who help with brainstorming sometimes, if that counts :)

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

I've never been into shipping characters that much. Sometimes I come across a ship and I genuinely like it, but then I move on. My reader-insert craze just never left me enough, I guess.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I strive to finish everything I start, even though it might, uh, take a little more time. I really hope I won't ever abandon my fics.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogues? Maybe? Those are usually the first things that pop up in my head when I'm trying to figure out a scene, and I build everything else around them. But I'm also really obsessed with pacing and trying to find a healthy balance between the events in a story. I'm not saying it's necessarily working, I just tend to pay more attention to it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm very, very slow. I can linger on a single sentence for ten minutes because I can't get over how awkward a sentence feels, so I just stare at the screen trying to figure out how to fix it. Also, describing environments. I can't make them sound fun for the life of me. I feel like they always end up being very dry and unimaginative :/

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't run into them often, but I think they can spice up a dialogue sometimes. I especially like special short phrases that give the conversation a deeper meaning.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oof, uh, Hollow Knight, if I remember correctly. I don't plan to post any of my older works though ^^'

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Ashen Wishes is probably the fic I've put the most effort in so far, and it's currently my favorite, too!

@imtrashraccoon if you'd like to join, but as always, no pressure! :D