#i have many things to say ill put then after the important tags

[slashersteve]

Next Best Thing to An Angel

requested by anonymous

pairing: Steve Harrington/Henderson!Female Reader

summary: Reader has been cursed by Vecna, and the group has to work fast in order to find a way to rid her of it. There's too many close calls, and just when they thought they had it figured out...it just might be too late.

warnings/extra tags: cursing, mentions of blood, violence due to fucked up visions brought to you by Vecna, near death experiences, >>>ST4 V1 SPOILERS<<<, this is beta read by the bestie @dearneverlander so it should be ~crisp~

note: There's references to the 1984 movie Streets of Fire aka one of my fave 80s Rock and Roll Fables. You don't need to know the exact plot, but just know it's an important movie and soundtrack to the reader <3 This took me a bit to write because I wanted it to be hella good. Thank you for the request and I hope you enjoy!

✧ ✧ ✧

It started just a day after your cheer teammate and one of your closest friends, Chrissy Cunningham, told you she was having problems. You were perhaps one of the only people who was aware of what she was going through, not even her boyfriend knew about her horrible headaches or the growing nightmares.

When she told you, she seemed so scared. It was so unlike her that it scared you to see her act in such a way, so much that you thought you scared yourself into experiencing the same things or that maybe she caught an illness and gave it to you.

The first thing that happened was a nosebleed. You were at the Hawkins Family Video Store, waiting for your boyfriend Steve to finish renting out a video to a customer so you can help him pick out a movie to put on.

You were reading the back of a tape that Robin had handed you prior, since she was trying to broaden yours and Steve's movie horizons because according to her you both were ‘hopeless’ when it came to your movie knowledge.

"I don't know about this one Robin," You called to her.

"What? God, you're so lame, you and Steve are probably just going to put on Streets of Fire again,” she replied from somewhere behind you.

You chuckled to yourself, "Not exactly a bad idea."

"Did you say Streets of Fire?" Steve questioned after the customer had left, leaving just you three and a handful of patrons who were still trying to find movies to watch, "I love that movie. It's pretty damn romantic."

You laughed and agreed while Robin scoffed and pushed the video cart aside.

"Excuse me? Did you say romantic? He punches her in the face," Robin reminded you both. You cringed.

"Okay, not that part, but even then it's taken out of context- just- whatever, it's a good movie," you tried to defend it, "Plus, the soundtrack is pretty killer."

"I’m still not over you both thinking it’s romantic. Context considered and all, but they don't even end up together in the end," Robin replied, you sighed.

"It's about the closure, Robin, he just left her without a word, and after he saves her from Raven, they finally get it, it is romantic in it's own way," you set the other tape down, ready to put it on the video store's TV out of spite.

"Right. Well, at least Diane Lane is hot in it...and yeah, I'll give you the soundtrack, it is pretty good."

Steve laughed to himself, enjoying how much you loved and defended the movie because he knew why you liked it so much. It was the movie you and him watched on your very first date two years ago at a drive-in. Since then, it has been your favorite movie of all time.

"I think you secretly like the movie, Robin, and since it's my turn to pick a movie," Steve had grabbed it from where it sat conveniently under the counter and handed it to you, "Go ahead and put it on." You hopped off of the counter with a satisfied grin while Robin sighed dramatically and crossed her arms.

You removed the tape from its case, and leaned up, ready to insert it into the player when your mind suddenly became foggy. It felt odd, like an invisible force had violently washed over you and caused a pulsing pain in your head that almost mirrored a migraine.

The tape slipped from your grasp, crashing onto the ground as you brought your hand to your forehead. The clatter of the tape hitting the ground was what had brought you back to reality after a few seconds, and Steve was beside you.

"Woah, are you okay-” he stopped when his brown eyes fell to the bottom part of your face. You blinked, still a little disoriented from the random headache.

“Oh shit, Henderson, your nose,” Robin said what Steve didn’t, her eyes on the same place Steve’s were. You lifted your hand to below your nose, instantly feeling something wet and sticky. 

When you looked at your fingers, you saw it was blood.

It didn't scare you more than it had confused you. You hadn't gotten one in so long, and the last time your nose did bleed was when a sophomore girl trying out for the cheer team kicked you in the nose by accident.

After this incident, the days following felt almost like hell. You'd wake up in a cold sweat from nightmares, all of them about either losing Steve or your little brother Dustin, and you were taking Tylenol more frequently for these massive headaches that never seemed to go away.

You could only think of Chrissy, and what she had told you, and wonder if she passed you some kind of illness. You tried talking to her again during practice or in the halls, but she seemed keen on continuing to pretend that she was alright, and maybe she was because she still cheered and ruled the school with a smile on her face.

You thought if she could do it, then so could you. Unlike her though, you had a boyfriend who could see right through the facade and had a brother who could relay to him how weird you've been acting when Steve asked. He had told Steve the nights you’ve canceled on dates or meet-ups with him and Robin in the past few days you were actually locked away in your room. It was very uncharacteristic of you, considering you were out almost every other day, either with your friends or with Steve.

When Steve insisted you let him drop you off at Hawkins High and asked you what had been going on when Robin left first, you didn’t really understand why your first instinct was to withhold the truth.

"I just haven't been feeling well," you told him, while pretending you were fixing your lipstick, "I think I...caught something.”

"Something how?" Steve asked, concern etched all over his features, “It must be bad because you look like you haven’t been sleeping either.”

You pressed your lips together because you were positive you packed on enough make-up to hide those dark circles that had started form. 

You didn't want to tell him about your nightmares, not wanting to worry him for what you thought were just dreams. It made you feel bad because you've never shied away from telling Steve anything, but you were scared if you said anything whatever it was would get him too. Your dreams were too...vivid and real.

It was always about the day you both were interrogated by the Russian Guards, and every time you didn't answer they hurt him and not you. They made you believe they had killed him, that you were the reason he was dead. And there was that…room.

"Just headaches, mostly," you said quietly, shutting the mirror and resting your hands above your Hawkins cheer skirt.

Steve had looked suspicious, and he said, “Should you do the pep rally then? Or the game tonight? I know it’s the championship but…” You had forced a sweet smile his way and leaned toward him.

"I'll be okay, I promise," you tried to assure him with a peck on his cheek, leaving the pink residue of your lipstick there, “I love it when you care so much.” You were gone and out of the car before Steve could say anything more.

Steve had noticed since that day you were different, it almost felt like you were pulling away from him emotionally in a way. For almost two years you've been in this relationship, and when you've gotten sick in the past, you never had done this.

Something else was wrong, but neither of you would find out until after Chrissy Cunningham's death.

✧ ✧ ✧

"The curse of Vecna," Dustin Henderson and Eddie Munson had both said at the same time.

"The curse of who?" Steve asked. You had scrunched your face up with confusion.

"Are you two talking about that wizard from Dungeons and Dragons?" you asked, knowing this information because Dustin always bothered you by explaining all of the campaigns he did to you during dinner mostly.

"Not just a wizard, a dark wizard," Dustin told you, "He uses a magic spell on the players called Vecna's curse."

"Do you really think that's what it is?" Max had asked from beside Robin, "I mean…”

"Only one way to find out. What else have you experienced?" Dustin's question was toward you now, and you uncomfortably crossed your arms over your chest, not sure what to say.

Eddie blinked a few times as he looked between Dustin and you before he asked, "Wait, why are you asking her?"

Steve's hand rested on the small of your back, and you exhaled shakenly, "Because about a week ago, Chrissy confided in me about these...nightmares and headaches she'd been getting. And about a day after that...I started to get the same kind of symptoms and now Chrissy is dead and I-" you closed your lips and shook your head.

Eddie stared at you, "Oh shit."

Steve rubbed your back affectionately, "Okay, so now that we think we know what it is, how it works...is there any way to stop it?"

"Okay, okay, first up, didn't you say something about a nosebleed?" Dustin's question was directed at you again. You looked at your little brother and nodded.

"Yeah, about 6 days ago at the video store...Steve and Robin were there."

Nobody noticed how Max shifted uncomfortably in her spot upon hearing your words.

Robin nodded, "Yeah I remember that...god this is insane. I mean, last time it was insane too, but this is just...yikes."

As they continued to discuss possible ways to stop this curse they believe you had, you started to feel very uneasy. Chills had crawled their way up your back, making you tense up and bite your lip to stop it from quivering.

Eddie had said what happened to Chrissy, how she was in this sort of trance before her body was lifted into the air and...how her bones cracked and how her eyes...how her fucking eyes were sucked back into her skull.

You thought about how it was after Chrissy told you about her problems, you instantly got them too. And you looked at everyone around you, your little brother, Robin, Max, even Eddie, and especially Steve. You didn't know how this thing spread, if this Vecna character had chosen you simply because you interacted with Chrissy, like she passed some curse onto you.

And if any of them were next it would be because you were an idiot and told them too.

The thought made you physically ill and you were leaving before anyone could stop you, ignoring Steve calling after you. You left the boat house with a hand over your mouth to try and keep the rising bile in your throat down.

When you were finally near the trees, you doubled over and threw up all over the grass. You fell to your hands and knees after you emptied out your already empty stomach, panting and spitting onto the floor to get the horrid taste of the stomach bile and acid out of your mouth.

Running out into the darkness was not a smart idea, you knew that, especially now you learned you were probably cursed, but you just needed to run. You needed to get out, you needed to just get away from them.

Then, you heard Steve calling your name. You were shaking and shouted, "I’m okay- just leave me alone right now- please-"

Your name was called again, but this time...it wasn't Steve. In fact, it wasn't any of them inside that boat house.

This voice caused a violent wave of fear to crash through you, making your body go still. Whatever had called your name was right behind you. You turned your head slowly, and saw that your surroundings were different now. 

Different, but very familiar too. Blood stained the floor tiled floor and walls, torture weapons scattered among them. The stench of blood was strong, just as it was the day you remember being locked in there when you were captured in the Russian Facility. 

It was the room they said they had killed Steve in.

Your hands moved to cover your nose and mouth, panic rising in you that you were somehow here again reliving the worst day of your life. 

The loud chime of what sounded like a large clock echoed from behind you, causing you to yelp out a short scream and twist your body around to see the source of the sound.

Engraved in the wall, your eyes fell upon an ominous grandfather clock. It chimed, echoing in your ears and mind, and it ticked almost like a threat.

And it certainly was.Your name was called again, but this time it felt like it was all around you. 

“The time to end your suffering is coming soon,” the voice told you, “Join me and I will spare your friends. If you refuse, I will take them all.”

The clock chimed again and ticked, louder than the thumping of your chest and louder than the voice itself. The lights of the torture room you were in flickered, and you caught a glimpse of…something or somebody. 

It was enough to make you scream.

You were gasping suddenly. And then, you heard Steve’s voice shouting your name.

Steve’s hands were grasped tightly over your shoulders, as he was shaking you in an attempt to get you to wake up. 

Your eyes shot around your surroundings, not looking at Steve at first as you took in that you were where you found yourself before. By the trees just outside of Reefer Rick’s boathouse, and in the grass you’d just vomited in. 

“Hey! Hey!” Steve called to you, “Look at me, I’m right here, what happened? Are you okay? Talk to me!” You finally looked at Steve, and in an instant you remembered what that being had told you. 

“If you refuse, I will take them all.”

You shook your head frantically, and said in a broken voice, “No, no I won’t let him.” 

Steve furrowed his eyebrows at you, and tilted his head and he asked you what you were talking about. That was when you moved away from him, from all of them, even your own little brother who was knelt beside you.

Like Steve, his eyebrows were drawn together, and he said, “Wait- wait what are you talking about?”

You kept your eyes down, being sure not to look at any of them who you realized were surrounding you too. Eddie had his hands in his hair, Robin had a hand over her mouth and Max’s expression was simply unreadable. Nobody spoke for a few seconds, probably because they were waiting for you to speak. 

Steve reached out to you, gently grabbing your trembling hand when you didn’t, “Hey, it’s us, okay? What happened?”

To Steve’s surprise, you pulled away from him the moment his hand touched yours and started to shake your head again, muttering a quiet I can’t underneath your breath.

His heart dropped when you had done so and he only felt more of this fearful feeling since he came out here and found you. After you had left the boat house, Steve was the first to run after you, then it was Dustin and the rest. He found you on your hands and knees, just staring forward with your eyes clear and blinking. 

You were unresponsive, no matter how much he called your name, not even when all of them called your name. It was like you weren’t even there.

It was when Eddie came out and saw the state you were in, things became much more real.

“That’s exactly what happened to fucking Chrissy!” Eddie had said, his hands moving to his ears as he stared with a terrified expression, as if he expected you to start levitating like she did at any second.

It was one thing to hear about it, but another to see what Eddie was talking about in person, especially to someone you care and desperately love. It felt like someone had thrown ice cold water on Steve, and he felt completely helpless as nothing he did brought you back from wherever you were. 

And now, you were awake and you were…terrified. 

“I…I have to get out of here,” you suddenly said in a shaking voice as you moved to stand, “Because of me he’s going to get you- he’s going to get all of you.” 

The words hit them like a freight train, but you were already walking away. Steve tried to catch you, but you were already out of his reach.

“Who? Vecna? You saw Vecna? Did he tell you that? ” Dustin was standing and following after you, “Shit! Tell us what you saw! Then maybe-” 

“No!” you shouted at your brother, “No! I can’t- I-I have to go-” 

Steve remained still for a moment, wondering why you would say such a thing. Because of me he’s going to get all of you. 

What the hell does that mean?

✧ ✧ ✧

“Here’s what we know, my sister said because of me he’s going to get all of you,” Dustin stated as they sat in the trailer park benches, “And she said she interacted with Chrissy before that. So maybe, just maybe there’s some kind of a connection there, right? Like it’s a curse that spreads like some kind of…virus?”

Everyone was there, and so were you, but you were sitting at the playground. They were sure to always look over at you. 

You hadn’t talked much since your experience last night, and it was a choice on your part. If they weren’t going to leave you alone, then you wouldn’t tell them anything, hoping that perhaps that would keep this Vecna away from them too. 

“I mean…maybe?” Nancy had spoken, having joined them after the death of her co-editor Fred. He was killed the exact same way Chrissy had been, and when you heard that, you were shaking with terror because you knew you were next. 

“What do you mean maybe?” Dustin asked Nancy. 

“It’s just…Fred’s never had any interaction with Chrissy or your sister, he’s been at my side for at least…89% of the school year,” Nancy said then glanced over at you, “Has she said anything yet?” 

All eyes moved to you and then to Steve, and his eyes dropped down. 

“She’s…fucking terrified guys,” Steve said, lifting his gaze on you now. You were digging your feet into the dirt beneath you, “And I am too. She hasn’t said a word since last night.” 

He was still haunted by that image of you, your eyes nearly rolled to the back of your skull and nonreactive to anything he or the others had tried. He couldn’t get even a wink of sleep last night because he couldn’t get the image out of his mind.

“Well, we should try again,” Nancy urged, then started to stand, “I’ll go talk to her-” 

“No, no I’ll talk to her,” Steve said as he stood up faster than her. They all looked at him again, and he raised his hand slightly, “I got this, she’s my girlfriend, did everyone forget that or something?” 

He didn’t wait for any response from them, especially Dustin, and jogged toward where you sat. You heard someone coming, something you were actually anticipating. When you looked up, you saw Steve, and as your heart always did when you saw him, it leaped, making you for a moment feel…normal and safe again. 

“Hey,” Steve said, and you would’ve smiled had your heart not felt cold again after being warm for the first few seconds you saw him. He leaned on the spot next to you. You stood up and moved away from him, making him frown deeper. 

You never did this, shut yourself off from him and your friends before. Even with your little brother. And it broke Steve to see you like this, broke him that you didn’t want to tell him anything even if it could help them help you. 

Right now, it just seemed like you’d given up and Steve didn’t like that because you never gave up. 

Steve walked after you, and captured your wrist before you could get away. Your face hardened, and tried to pull away, but Steve kept his grasp firm. 

“Stop doing that,” Steve told you, “Please. We want to help, I want to help, don’t let this creep Vecna guy just…torment you and take you away so easily.”

You shook your head, “Steve, it’s too dangerous, I’m next I know it, I know it.”

Steve exhaled sharply, hating that you’ve already actively accepted your fate rather than fighting and trying to find out with the rest of them on how to stop him. 

“Don’t talk like that,” he said, “We’re going to figure this out, okay? We’ve figured everything out in the past and this time is going to be no different.” 

“What’s different is that I’m a target this time, and it’s already been a day since Chrissy, and now Fred- I’m next and then it’ll be one of you and it’ll be because of me.” 

“You don’t know that!” Steve said, his voice getting a little harder, “We don’t even know why or how this wizard guy targets his victims-”

“I was around Chrissy, Steve! She told me about her nightmares and her- her headaches, and now she’s dead and now someone else is dead and-” 

“Hey!” Steve was pulling you toward him now, making you face him completely, “This isn’t helping anybody, especially yourself. You know more than us, probably something that we are missing. You have to trust us, trust me- because I am not going to let some…creepy weird dark wizard fucker take the girl that I love away from me.” 

You stared at Steve in silence, his words striking you right in the chest. 

“And they won’t either,” he gestured back to them, “No fucking way. No fucking way.” 

Steve was mad, not at you, but at Vecna, and you felt almost a wave of calm coming over you for the first time since that nosebleed of yours. You’d forgotten in your mute state that they were your friends, that they cared about you, Steve cared about you. They only wanted to help. You were going to speak, going to tell Steve that you were sorry, that you would help…

But then, a cold air hit you, and the sky above you was covered in gray clouds, submerging you in a gloomy, stormy kind of atmosphere. You didn’t understand at first, eyes flickering upward until you suddenly heard the familiar chime of the clock. 

Your heart dropped, and you looked back at Steve. Except it wasn’t Steve anymore, but this…monster. 

You shrieked at the sight of this thing, this unimaginable horror that looked like it was covered with burnmarks and the vines of the Upside Down you remembered seeing in the underground tunnels you helped the kids set fire to. 

“You’re going to get them killed,” the monster of your waking nightmares told you, “They’re going to die because of you.” 

You stumbled backward and away from him, dry heaves coming out of your lips as you tried to form any kind of words. Instead, you placed your hand over your ears and closed your eyes again, a new habit of yours you didn’t know you had in the face of true terror.

He was chuckling, clearly entertained by the torment he was causing you.

As fast as it came, it had passed and the world around you was bright and warm again, Vecna’s laughter fading away from you, and your face was being held by Steve’s hands. He was panting, eyes flickering all over your features. 

He looked distraught, his lips lightly quivering as he had to watch you go into yet another trance. The others were already running toward you, calling your name as well and asking what happened.

“What is he doing to you? Please tell me, so I can help you-” Steve practically begged you, but you were pulling away from him then and started to run. You didn’t know where you were running, or how far you’d get before them catching you, but it was all you could think of to do again. Just run, you thought, run as far away from them as possible. You run away and you keep them safe. You keep Dustin safe, you keep Steve safe, you keep them all safe. 

They were all calling after you, their voices desperate and scared. 

You thought you could still hear the chimes and the ticking, echoing all around you as you ran as fast as you could.

✧ ✧ ✧

Steve was trying to hold himself together, but the truth was he didn’t know what the hell to do. None of you really did. They of course had caught up to you after you ran, finding you sitting at the edge of the road. 

When they found you, you had said it would be any moment now, any second, and that if they didn’t want to see what happened to Chrissy and Fred happen to you, they should leave now. 

None of them did, and after many attempts, they finally got you to get into the car. 

You were under a strict watch now, whether you had liked it or not. Both Steve and Dustin had to be firm with you. 

You were lucky to have a genius for a little brother, sure he got on both yours and Steve’s nerves on occasion, but his mind was working quickly, and he was somehow able to keep moving forward in finding out more about Vecna and a possible cure for this curse of his. 

He was doing more than Steve, and he felt useless because you were the love of his life and felt that he should be able to do more than just helplessly watch you suffer. 

It was nighttime, and Steve had taken both you and Dustin to his place for the night. His parents were gone, per usual, and Dustin was sure to keep his radio on in case they needed the others for an emergency. 

Neither of them wanted to say what this code red could be, deciding to keep that to themselves.

Steve didn’t want to think about what this emergency could be. They were in his bedroom, you were in the bathroom, unlocked of course and being timed, and Dustin was going over the new information they had learned. 

“Think about it, they all went through the same thing, right? Nosebleeds, headaches, nightmares, everything, and everyone has had these…problems,” Dustin re-explained everything they had discovered together when they broke into Ms. Kelley’s office to Steve as he paced back and forth, eyes moving to the bathroom door every once in a while, “Chrissy, Fred…and…” 

Steve said your name, and Dustin nodded. 

“Yeah…there’s got to be something she’s not telling us, before all of this, maybe if she just told someone, anyone then we could at least weaken the curse, and then if this works than we can help Max too,” Dustin theorized as he made his way to the other side of the room again, and was sure to say her name a little quieter so you wouldn’t hear. 

They had opted to not tell you about Max’s vision because you seemed dead bent on it being your fault somehow, and the last thing you needed was more on your conscience. 

“So, is there anything she’s been weird about?” Dustin asked Steve now. He looked away in thought for a moment, but nothing fast was coming to mind.

“I…I don’t know,” Steve admitted, and Dustin scowled at him. 

“Jesus Christ Steve, she’s your girlfriend,” Dustin sneered, Steve’s face scrunched up and he replied, “You’re her brother. And how am I supposed to know something that she didn’t tell me? I can’t read minds, man. That’s…Vecma’s job apparently.” 

“Vecna,” Dustin corrected and Steve rolled his eyes because he’d been doing it all day, “I think it’s worth a try. I don’t think we have a lot of time here…” he closed his mouth, not wanting to think about how his sister could have the same fate as Chrissy and Fred. 

Steve sympathized with him greatly, because if he was scared then so was Dustin. He was just ironically very collected about it, nevermind the pacing of the room or how he was speaking all in one breath.

“Okay, so…we talk to her then,” Steve repeated and Dustin nodded.

“If we can get her to, which is why I’m asking you to get her to talk,” Dustin pointed at Steve after stopping in the middle of the room, “You said she almost talked to you right? Before she went under his spell.”

Steve nodded, “Yeah, there was something different in her eyes, and she was about to speak, but then…she was just gone.” 

Dustin snapped his fingers, “I think that proves my theory then! She was going to talk to you, open up to you, probably, and Vecna can’t have that…he can’t have her running back to us or letting us help her or else his spell gets weaker!” 

Steve crossed one arm and rested the other under his chin as he thought. It sounded incredibly plausible, and he met Dustin’s gaze once again, “I…I think it’s definitely worth a shot.” 

The door to the bathroom had opened then, and you emerged in one of Steve’s long sleeves, looking at both of them with suspicious eyes, especially when they both went quiet. 

“Okay well, Steve is going to be on the first watch, I’m going to go downstairs and find some food,” Dustin stated quickly to you. You didn’t say anything, and Dustin gave you and Steve a thumbs up before leaving. 

It was all up to Steve now, and he wasn’t going to let you keep quiet until Vecna got you. It wasn’t going to happen. 

✧ ✧ ✧

You were sitting on his bed, your back resting against the bedrest when Steve finally sat down in front of you. You didn’t look at him when he did, keeping your eyes to the wall opposite of you. It looked like you were probably admiring his trophies, but Steve knew better. You were a million miles away, but not in Vecna’s spell at least.

He didn’t know how to start it, how to even ask you, but he knew he had to. Something had happened, and he needed to make you tell him. 

“Did something happen…before all this that you never told me about?” Steve was asking you, you still didn’t look at him. Steve reached over and grabbed your hand gently, “I was talking to Dustin, and he thinks that it’s possible that Vecna targets those with some kind of…trauma, I guess?”

You shifted only slightly, and Steve rubbed his thumb on your knuckles, “Don’t tell him this because it’ll just rub his already big ego,” he rolled his eyes jokingly, for his new attempt to get you to talk was to be humorous, it always worked on you, but you didn’t smile or react at all, “…but he’s usually right about most things.” 

Steve honestly didn’t doubt it. The girl you became since you were first cursed was somebody completely different, somebody who was broken and afraid, so whatever this Vecna was using to manipulate and change you into this person must’ve been pretty horrific.

But you wouldn’t talk to him, and he now knew Vecna wasn’t letting you because of what happened in the trailer park. Like he relayed to Dustin, you were going to talk to him, going to tell him at least something, and immediately you were put into that trance. 

It pissed him off because he was keeping you away from him, and everyone else. He was isolating you, and it was working. You refused to speak, hell you even physically ran away.

“Whatever he is telling you, it isn’t true,” Steve had tried to say these words as firmly as he could, but his voice had cracked instantly when he continued, “There’s a reason this sadistic asshole is convincing you to run away from us, to keep quiet- and I’m sick of it. Talk to me, please, tell me what it is, just please try.” 

Tears slipped from his eyes then, ones that he didn’t notice at first.

You finally looked at him again, realizing then that Steve was crying. He hardly ever cried, but when he did, it always made you instantly upset too. The last time you’d seen him shed such tears like this was when he learned he didn’t get into any colleges and his dad practically called him stupid and almost disowned him. 

Knowing that it was you Steve was crying over, that it was you causing such emotions made you feel shameful. You reached out suddenly, resting your hand over his. Steve was right, you knew he was, and it was time to stop letting Vecna scare you. You had to say something.

“It…it happened when we were taken by the Russian guards under Starcourt,” you suddenly said, making Steve’s eyes lift up at you. They were wet with tears, “Remember how you were marked up but me and Robin weren’t?” 

He nodded once at you, and sucked in a shaky breath before saying, “It was because they were using you against us, specifically me. If I didn’t speak, they’d beat you more, torture you…and I…I didn’t say anything even though I wanted to so bad just to stop hearing them hurt you.” 

Your own eyes were welling up with tears now too at the horrid memory, “I wasn’t going to give away Dustin or Erica, or anyone, and they knew that, so they had taken it a step forward and-” 

Your voice was quivering again, but you knew you had to tell him. 

“They made it seem like they killed you,” you eyes flashed with the memory of the room they forced you into, claiming it was the room Steve had been kept in, the room that Vecna forced you to step into again in your first vision, “I don’t know whose blood it was, it probably wasn’t even human, but I…I thought you were dead because of me.” 

Tears slipped from your eyes as you finally told him what he wanted to know, “I know they lied, but in the hour they left me in there, it wasn’t a lie. It was real, and I-” 

Steve was pulling you into his arms before you knew it. 

You started to cry too, letting apologies slip from your lips for not telling him and letting Vecna use it against you. You felt weak and pitiful, and he knew how to make that feeling worse until you were too scared to be around everyone.

“I’m okay,” he reassured you, “And I’m going to be okay, nobody can take me away from you so easily- I would fight till the ends of the earth to get back to you…I love you way too much.”

You were nodding, understanding that now because the past week Vecna had taken that understanding from you. You sniffled and told him that you loved him too.

You and Steve stayed in each other’s arms for a while until he moved away from you and said, “Can I give you something?”

You looked up at him, blinking away a few years and asked, “What…what is it?”

“It’s an early anniversary gift,” Steve said as he dug through his drawer. You found yourself smiling at the idea of him hiding it, especially when it was about 2 months before your actual anniversary of being together for two years, “I think…I don’t know maybe it will help…show you how much I love you…”

“Steve, I don’t go into your drawers, you didn’t have to hide it like that,” you said, but still peaked over as far as you could to see what it was as you wiped away your tears. Honestly, you thought maybe it was some piece of jewelry because a sock drawer is usually where those are hidden. 

“It’s exactly why I put it here,” he said following a sniffle before he snapped his fingers and said, “Here it is!” He held up a mixtape, and you tilted your head curiously at it. 

“You made a mixtape?” you asked, a smile growing on your lips once again. Steve nodded, then cringed. 

“Honestly, Dustin had to help out…you can imagine how that went,” he said as he shook his head at the memory. 

“Oh god, the story of my life. You ask him one simple question and he does everything but call you stupid to your face. Sometimes he does.”

“Oh my god, yeah, your brother’s a good kid, but wow,” Steve agreed. This time, you laughed, and at the sound of your laughter Steve’s features grew soft and warm. Your laugh was definitely something you both needed to hear, “Want to listen?”

 “Yes,” you said, “Put it on!”

Steve practically pranced to his stereo as he said, “They’re all your favorite songs, some songs that make me think about you, and some I think you’ll just like.” You hugged your knees to your chest, smiling warmly at Steve. 

At the moment, it felt like Vecna was far behind you and after having talked to Steve and shed tears with him, it felt like this massive weight had come off your shoulders. It was possible that talking was the key to ridding yourself of his curse, or at least making Vecna’s hold on you and his other victims weaker like Dustin thought.

For the first time in a long time, you felt calm, you felt more alive. And it was very obvious, especially to Steve. 

It was why you both had let your guard down, even if just for tonight. He inserted the tape, and adjusted the volume. 

Music began to blast through the speakers, and Steve nodded with content. He had listened to it over and over again, knowing the exact order each song was in. He stood up straight now, and turned to look at you. 

You were staring right at him, your lips in that wide smile despite the tears that stained both of your faces. He was going to walk over to you, but you were already moving to stand. You walked over to him, and wrapped your arms around him in a warm and tender embrace. 

Steve pulled you toward him tightly, resting his chin on the top of your head. 

“We’re going to figure this out.” 

He seemed to be saying this more and more often, but after talking to him and seeing how life seemed to return to you, he was sure he was right now and that you had a chance of surviving Vecna. If they can save you, then they can also save Max and find Vecna and destroy him like they’ve defeated so many things in the past.

“I love you,” he said again breathlessly, “And I won’t let anything happen to you.” 

It was everything he needed you to hear and more, but…you were gone before he even uttered those words to you.

The music that played had suddenly begun to cut out, going in and out of silence in short cracks of electricity. Steve turned from you to look at it, eyes narrowing curiously for his stereo hardly did that. 

Then, the lights began to flicker as well. He looked up at the flickering light, eyes squinting as it disoriented him for a second. 

Realization dawned on him a few seconds too late, and he noticed you were no longer hugging him and instead had gone rigid in his arms. His eyes snapped back to you, and he let out a panicked breath as he saw your expression for the third time in only a day. His heart sank.

His hands moved to your shoulders, shouting your name even though he knew it was futile. You were in Vecna’s trance again, talking didn’t work.

“Steve! Steve, where did you go!” 

Your words were echoing in your own ears. You were in the room alone now, Steve nowhere in sight. You ran toward the door, grasping the doorknob and trying to pull it open. It wouldn’t budge, as if someone was holding it on the other side, keeping you from leaving the room. 

“Steve!” you shouted again, now grasping the doorknob with both hands and beginning to shake and pull at it. Panic rose in your chest and bubbled up your throat the longer it didn’t budge, “Help! Steve! Help!” 

You were shouting at the top of your lungs, now letting go of it and banging aggressively on the wooden door, and throwing your body against it in an attempt to break it down. 

Back in reality, Steve was desperately shaking you, the tears he had shed coming back full force. Dustin was bursting through the door a few seconds later. 

“Shit, shit, shit, shit-” Dustin was saying over and over again when he saw your rigid body in Steve’s arms, “It didn’t work?! It didn’t fucking work!? Steve!?” 

Steve was shaking his head, “I thought- fuck! She was better, she was-” His voice cracked from the tight knot in his throat. Dustin put his hands on his head, entering a full panic as he thought about anything else, literally anything else to save his older sister. 

“Help! Please! Somebody!” you slammed your body against the door one again, and this time it had opened. You fell through it, and fell to the cold, tiled ground. There was also something wet staining your hands and your knees. You couldn’t see though in the darkness, but you could smell. 

It was a strong metallic, coppery smell…a scent you could never forget. 

“No…” you stated as you realized what was happening and made yourself stand. Vecna had put you in that god forsaken room again.

The clock chimed, sending you into nothing but defeat and dread once you heard it. Like Dustin and Steve had thought…it didn’t work. You were here still, you were still in Vecna’s grasp. Fresh tears spilled from your eyes, and mewls slipped past your lips. 

“Did you think it would be that easy?” Vecna’s deep tremble of his voice shook through you, “I wouldn’t let you escape so easily, not when your time was so near.” 

The lights flickered on joining with a dramatic buzzing noise, and your worst fears were proven and more. Your hands were covered in blood that was not yours and when you looked down and past your hands, you saw something that wasn’t in the room before.

It was Steve. His head was turned to the side and his eyes were open and unblinking. You couldn’t even scream, only releasing panicked, dry breaths as you were sent into a full blown panic attack. Your bloody hands shook, and your skin suddenly became below freezing.

You reached out to touch Steve, beginning to shake your head. It wasn’t possible, this never happened. You escaped Starcourt with him, with Robin, Dustin, and Erica. This never happened. Steve was alive, dammit, he was alive.

“This-this isn’t real! This didn’t happen!” You shouted into the lights above you, “This isn’t real-”

“Oh, but it will happen.”

“What do you want!” you screamed at him into the darkness, angry and afraid. The lights flickered again, and you now found yourself in a long hallway, similar to the one you and the Scoops Troop had to walk down in the Russian Facility. Blood still stained the walls, and Steve’s body was gone. In the distance the lights were flickering off as Vecna was stalking toward you with darkness following behind him. The claws of his left hand twitching and moving with every step. 

“I want you to join me.”

You shot up and stepped backwards until your back pressed against a hard wall as you let out quiet whimpers. 

“What do we do!” Steve called to Dustin, his hands now touching your face.

“I’m thinking!” Dustin shouted back, trying not to cry himself. His eyes moved around the room frantically until his eyes fell upon the stereo that was still cutting in and out of music. His eyes widened as he got an idea, “Will! Will! Do you remember when he was possessed by the Mind Flayer and they- shit nevermind- do you have a battery operated stereo or something?” 

Steve yelled at him that it was in his closet. Dustin ran over to it while he yelled, “We have to talk to her, maybe it can get her out- that’s how they communicated with Will and playing that song he likes-” 

Dustin was in Steve’s closet now, eyes searching for the boombox. Steve heard Dustin and remembered exactly what he was talking about. His eyes flashed to his stereo, knowing that they’d need the mixtape that was still in it. 

“The tape we made Dustin, the tape! It’s in there!” Steve said, looking back at you, “Track 3, track 3 !”

Dustin had found it on one the top shelves, tossing boxes of shoes out of the way and grabbing it. He shouted at Steve that he needed to start talking to you, that he needed to tell you fond memories or something like that because it just might get through to you. 

And Steve did, his voice breathless and panicked as he started to tell you about the first time he saw you at Hawkins High. He didn’t know how he never noticed you before because he knew all of the cheerleaders of Hawkins pretty well, but you- you were new. He told you about how he asked everyone about you, learning your name, anything that could get him closer to you.

Seemingly unstoppable tears flowed from your eyes as Vecna got closer and closer to you. You pressed yourself further into the wall, and wanted to turn your head but found that you couldn’t. 

“Don’t cry for them,” Vecna told you, now only a few feet from reaching you, “They will be joining you and the others very soon, starting with the boy you love.” 

You were trembling in your spot, Vecna now standing before you. You were trying to speak, but no words were coming out, especially when he lifted his left hand up, those sharp, long claws bigger than your own face.

You stared up at Vecna, and whimpered slowly when he began to move his hand closer to you, “It is time.”

It was like he was grasping your mind, an intense wave of pain and fear washing over you like the waves of the ocean during a storm. You couldn’t move. There was no escape, this time Vecna wasn’t going to let you go. It was time for you to join him. 

“Dustin! Hurry up-” Steve's words were cut off when he felt you move in arms. His eyes flashed back toward you, and he watched as your body began to levitate into the air. 

“SHIT,” Dustin shouted as he finally inserted the mixtape into the boombox and began to move it to track 3 like Steve said. The song that began to play made Dustin pause momentarily, and even he knew how much you liked this song. 

‘I’ve got a dream about an angel on the beach…and the perfect waves are starting to come…

…his hair is flying out in ribbons of gold and his touch has got the power to stun…’

The tips of Vecna’s claws were almost touching your face, but he had suddenly stopped when the lyrics of the song echoed behind him.

The grip Vecna had on your mind faltered as you recognized the Fire Inc. song Ellen Aim performs at the end of Streets of Fire. Your eyes moved past Vecna toward the source of the song, and fell onto what looked like a tear in this world Vecna had created in your head. 

You saw yourself in Steve’s room, your body levitating into the air, and Steve and Dustin. Steve was saying something to you. Your eyes narrowed slightly, trying to listen to what he was saying over the music.

‘But I don’t see any Angels in the city, I don’t hear any holy choirs sing… And if I can't get an Angel. I can still get a boy. And the boy will be the next best thing, the next best thing to an Angel.’

Steve’s voice began to break through as well. It was faint, but you could still hear and understand what he was saying. He was talking to you about your first date, and how you went to the drive-in to watch a whole other movie, but ended up watching this one. You didn’t even remember what the first movie was. 

Memories flooded through you, flashing through your mind quickly. You saw Steve on this first date, felt his hand take yours, and felt his lips meet yours for the first time. You never kissed on the first date, and he was the first and only exception. 

You saw Steve’s flushed face when he had climbed out of the pool following a swim race, and his eyes had lit up when he saw you there in your cheer uniform and pom poms cheering his name. You were the only cheerleader there. He had laughed and winked at you while you had blown a kiss. 

“They can’t help you,” Vecna told you, making your eyes shift back to him, “You belong here, with me, with Chrissy…” 

His hands began to inch closer, the tips of his claws barely touching your skin. 

Steve helplessly watched as your body slammed flat against the ceiling, and his first move was to grab Dustin and pull him against him, making him face away from the sight. Because of what Eddie had said about what happened to Chrissy, they knew what was going to happen next. 

“Her bones- they just snapped, and her eyes…it was like something was inside and-” Eddie had said in that boathouse the day before when you got your first vision.

He didn’t want Dustin to see that, especially not when it was his older sister. If he couldn’t protect you, he could at least shield Dustin and protect him. 

‘I’ve got a dream when the darkness is over….We’ll be lying in the rays of the sun.’ 

Ellen aim’s lyrics got to you again and you heard Dustin’s sobbing, your eyes moved past Vecna’s again to see your little brother in Steve’s arms, Steve shielding him from your body that was now pressed against the ceiling. 

More memories flashed in your mind. You saw the kids throwing popcorn at you and Steve at the movie theater during a matinee reshowing of Jaws, and heard Dustin say, “Are you seriously sucking face when someone is getting killed by a shark?”

You could hear their giggling from behind you, and a couple of gags that made you throw the popcorn back at them, but missing. 

‘But it’s only a dream and tonight is for real, you’ll never know what it means, but you'll know how it feels.’

You saw Robin forcing you to watch movies you never thought of watching before, you saw her laughing, and saw both her and Stevea arguing in their ridiculous Scoops Ahoy uniforms. 

You saw Steve running toward you after Starcourt, his face bruised up, yet he was still smiling and kissing you, happy that you were okay and you were alive. 

‘It’s gonna be over before you know it’s begun, it’s all we really got tonight…’

“N-No,” you said to Vecna suddenly, he stopped before he could sink his claws into the skin of your face, “No!” You found the strength to reach up with both hands and grasp the wet, sticky vines that collected around his collarbone and neck. You grasped and pulled, the tendrils squishing between your nails and fingers before you screamed and pulled it off with incredible strength. 

Vecna released you with a groan of pain, and you ducked underneath him, and raced toward them. You were a long way from running away from them at the trailer park, now running as fast as you could toward the end of this hall, back to your reality, back to your life, back to Dustin and back to Steve. 

You didn’t look back, Ellen Aim’s singing and Steve and Dustin’s calls to you blasting your ears, drowning out Vecna calling your name. 

‘Say a prayer in the darkness for the magic to come’

Ellen Aim sang as you inched closer and closer to your world. 

‘No matter what it seems tonight is what it means to be young…’

Your feet echoed with every step you took, your heart beating out of your chest as you ran and you ran and you ran, toward the music, toward your home.

“We have to help her, Steve, we can’t let him take her,” Dustin was crying, his words muffled against Steve’s shirt. Steve was shaking, and didn’t know what to say, and even if he did he couldn’t speak anyways. 

He was too distraught, shedding more tears than he’s ever shed before. He was going to lose you, he failed you, Vecna got to you before any of them could figure out how to stop him. He held Dustin against him tighter, and shut his eyes. 

“Just don’t look, Dustin, don’t look,” Steve even tried to cover his ears with his arms, hellbent on making sure Dustin doesn’t see or hear anything, “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry we couldn’t save you…” 

He clenched his teeth, the thought of Vecna being responsible sending a rage throughout him. His eyes were forced open, and profanities were falling from his lips all targeted toward Vecna. He didn’t know if he could hear him, but he wanted him to know that they were going to fuck him up for what he’s done, for who he’s done it to.

That was when you came back. 

Your eyes were suddenly back to normal, and Steve caught it the exact moment because a loud gasp for air escaped from you. Steve moved Dustin aside, practically throwing him on his bed, and stepping under you just as you became unstuck from the ceiling and fell.

Steve fell on the floor with you right on top of him, hyperventilating and gasping for air as you felt like you ran miles and miles to get back here. Your eyes frantically looked around you, becoming hyper aware of everything around you, but knowing that you were back here, you escaped.

It didn’t seem real at first, Steve’s soft calling of your name that wasn’t echoing and rather in real time.

Your fists closed around Steve’s shirt as you met his gaze, they were puffy and red and full of the greatest relief in the world. You pressed your forehead against his, and whispered to him that you were okay.

“I heard you, I heard you both and the song,” you said between your fast breaths, your voice trembling and still cracking, “I saw-” Your words were becoming less coherent as you broke down in Steve’s arms.

Steve sat you up then, keeping you in his lap and holding you against him. 

“It’s okay, you’re back, you don’t have to talk, not right now,” he told you quietly, his own voice matching yours. 

Dustin had watched in disbelief that you were okay, thinking that maybe it wasn’t even real, but when he heard you speak and Steve respond, he was off of the bed and on the floor next to you Steve. Tears of relief spilled from his eyes, and he wrapped his arms around you as well. 

Steve would ask you how you exactly got out, about what you had seen, about everything, but right now, he was beyond relieved that you were back, that you didn’t end up like Chrissy or Fred, that you finally fought back.

[luvstruckmutt]

RANT ABOUT PEOPLES WEIRD ATTITUDE ABOUT SHANE STARDEW VALLEY INCOMING!!!

saw people complaining about shane today and saying he is a bad and awful husband and they divorced him after seeing his room and that he becomes boring after he starts getting therapy because the interesting thing about him is his struggle with addiction and after you "fix him" what's the point of being with him And just?? Why?? Did you even marry him?? Like?? I dunno, people are allowed to have opinions on characters but so many peoples' opinions are just?? Really bad and rooted deeply in ableism and misconceptions about mental health/addiction and are super saviory??

I have said this a thousand times but you can't fix people. That's literally not how people work. You can, however, be there for people and try and create a safe environment for them to be able to help themselves!! AND THATS EXACTLY EHAT FUCKING HAPPEMS IN STARDEW!! Shane gets help ON HIS OWN because he is being supported by both his family and the farmer. And to see that just fucking fly over peoples heads makes me so mad because DID WE PLAY THE SAME FUCLING GAME?? YOU DONT FIX SHIT!! YOU ACT AS PART OF A SUPPORT SYSTEM!! (Which is very important but like) YOU AS A SINGULAR PERSON CANT FIX PEOPLE!!

I also just hate the "I can fix them" attitude because, at least in this specific situation, the people saying this are the same people who divorce him because his room is ugly or because he is implied to relapse and still is depressed??? It feels like the same thing as when someone has "spread kindness!" or "love each other!" in their bio and then is the most rancid hateful person ever? The room thing in particular makes me mad because LIKE WHAT DID YUOU THINK IT WAS GOING TO LOOK LIKE?? YOU SAW HIS ROOM AT MARNIE'S, WHAT MADE YOU THINK HIS ROOM IN YOUR HOUSE WAS GOING TO BE ORGANIZED AND SPOTLESS???

Idk like, again, you can dislike Shane and even regret marrying him. He's not very nice to you until you really get his hearts up there so he comes off as rude and abrasive. You don't HAVE TO LIKE HIM!! But so many people just spout hateful shit and it's like god, I hope you never have anyone in your life who suffers from mental illness because even though Shane is a video game character, the stuff you're saying and the ideas you have surrounding addiction and mental health are super toxic and weird and I hope no real person ever has to be subjected to them.

edit (put this in the tags but then wanted to add it to the main post):

[antimony-medusa]

Alright, one last post about this for the road.

Do you like Fandom Exchanges? Do you like Hurt/Comfort? Do you like MCYT? Are you 18? Is this too many questions?

WELCOME TO THIS POST ABOUT THE HURT/COMFORT EXCHANGE. PULL UP A CHAIR.

This, as I just learned earlier this month, is a massive multi-fandom exchange on the theme of hurt/comfort. It's open to both artists and writers, and the expecations is a fic of at least 1000 words, or a piece of artwork that is not on lined paper and is at minimum clean linework that is at least 500x500 pixels. And you have from 16 March to 13 May to work on your gift so like, thousands of time. So easy. You can do that in a weekend, right? So achievable.

Some details: this is a massive multifandom exchange, so like, NSFW is allowed, and that means you have to be 18 to sign up. Also as it's a massive multifandom exchange, the mods are not policing what shows up in the tag set (there are literally 620 fandoms listed, can you imagine policing that, no,) so you almost definitely will see stuff in the tag set that makes you go "huh," but that's when you get to go "boy people sure like some stuff", and then you move on and go on to the stuff you're actually writing.

Tag Set?

Glad you asked. Okay so big Ao3 exchanges normally work off a Tag Set. They run a preliminary section where people can submit relationships and characters etc to a massive list, and then once it comes to actual sign-up time, you are only able to select stuff that is in the tag set for your offers and requests. So nomination period (where we're in right now), is important if you want to join an exchange, cause it lets you make sure that the relationships you actually want to offer, and then write/draw, are available to you.

[ID: An image of what the tag set looks like right now, open to the RPF section which contains SMPs— Empires, Origins, 3rd Life, Dream SMP, Hermitcraft, and SMPEarth.]

Tell me more about those tags?

Okay so, a general exchange works by allowing people to Offer and Request what fandoms and characters they want to write, and then the algorithm matches people's Offers to Requests, so that that person who Requested TMNT art is matched with someone who Offered that yes, they want to draw the turtles.

Within this specific exchange, they go a bit more granular. You both specify the relationship, and because this is a Hurt/Comfort exchange, you specify who exactly is getting hurt.

[ID: photo of the tags set, showing Philza & Technoblade & Tommyinnit & Wilbur Soot (hurt tommyinnit). ]

I know the dash loves hurting tommy, I've seen your exchange sign ups. I nominated that tag for you all. Never say I don't do things for you.

I didn't even think about empires, but someone already put flower husbands in the tag set, here's your chance to whump Scott.

[ID: photo of the Empires SMP tags, showing fWhip & Jimmy Solidarity (hurt Jimmy), Scott Smajor & Jimmy Solidarity (hurt Scott), Scott Smajor/Jimmy Solidarity (hurt Scott)]

And then because this is a FREEFORM exchange, you specify what freeform you want, which is your actual prompt for the fic/art you want. Some examples of the freeforms.

[ID: freeform tags reading: Comfort via food or cooking, Comforted by an animal, Doctor A has to talk B through operating on A, Hugging a person who isn't used to recieving hugs, Human experimentation, Hurt A is too tired/ill to move; calls B to take them home, Retainer lovingly cared for by liege, Reunion after character who was presumed dead returns.]

There are so many freeforms. (Note that the "this is an 18+ exchange" and "this is a dl:dr exchange" rules apply, some of the freeforms are about major archive warnings.)

Yes yes, I know exchanges, why are you telling me this.

Okay so, I'm doing the exchange, and I really want to match on MCYT, so I'm trying to lure as many people as possible to join me. Come on you want to join me so bad. There's 3rd Life AND Empires AND Dream SMP AND Hermitcraft AND SMPEarth in the tag set.

Yes but why are you telling me NOW?

Ah, because the tag nominations closes tomorrow, the 24th, so if you want to get a tag into the tag set— as I type this Scarian isn't into the tag set, so, y'know— your chance is to GO GO GO NOW HERE IS THE LIST TO THE TAG SET CHECK OUT WHAT IS THERE AND NOMINATE YOUR BLORBOS.

https://archiveofourown.org/tag_sets/14131

Whew. Long post. Enjoy your dash I hope you're having a good day.

[artificialcharisma]

The Linked Universe Fandom and Trauma

It's a pretty common theme among fanfiction to explore topics of trauma. Who doesn't like to see the aftermath of dramatic events and life-threatening danger, which are so commonly shown in fiction?

On top of that, fandoms are very neurodiverse spaces, filled with many who have experienced trauma themselves. Using fiction to explore your own experiences is usually more healthy than other methods, but I've noticed that throughout those fandoms, and especially a small one like the LU fandom, the approaches to exploring PTSD range from nuanced and insightful to horrendously tone-deaf and inappropriate.

What's going on here?

(This essay is written by six people. We’ll mention events and feelings from our pasts, say we have a certain disorder/condition, and use I and we interchangeably—this warning is in case you began reading this and thought it was written by one person who was collecting mental and physical illnesses like infinity stones. Also, if you’d like to avoid the child abuse tag, we’ve put markers where the child abuse section begins and ends in bold.

Writers:

@artificialcharisma

@deuynndoodles

@wakingwinds

and three people who wished to remain anonymous.)

Part A. The Legend of Zelda: Abuse of the Child

(child abuse section begins)

What IS it with people and making the 7 year old a soldier?

Seriously. If you've read fics around this fandom, you know the amount of fics with Wild as a child soldier is mad high. 

The story of BOTW is vague, which leaves a lot of room for speculation on backstory. A popular headcanon is that Link pulled the Master Sword at a young age and was raised as a knight since then.

You see a lot of child abuse in these fics. From his father, from Rhoam, from Zelda, name any character and they’ve probably yelled at him for not being good enough.

Someone portraying their child abuse is perfectly fine. Fanfiction, and by extension, writing in general, is a healthy space to explore your trauma. 

These topics aren’t always done by people who are venting, though. These fics, usually written by someone who is only writing child abuse for the sake of angst, read like a morbid fascination with the concept of suffering—which is especially strange when applied to children.

Another thing to note is the way that many authors tend to reduce character's ages in a way to make their trauma seem "more credible", when in fact, any trauma is credible.

Let's take a look at the Hero of Time, the epitome of a child soldier. 

It doesn't come off the same way authors depict Wild, and a key reason is this: It's fundamental to the story. If removed, you lose the lessons Ocarina of Time teaches you. In Wild's case, the only reason for the child soldier plotline is to gain sympathy points.

In Ocarina of Time, Link is a kid just coming into his childhood, and is immediately given full responsibility for something he didn't deserve to take responsibility for. He plays as an adult, and after the Master Sword, becomes an adult in other peoples' eyes. We, as the player, know this isn't the truth.

Link is given an adult role and by the end of the story, he is by most definitions, an adult, and becomes a child in body yet again and the cycle continues.

This is what's so interesting about Ocarina of Time—It’s what makes its story compelling.

Link being young is important to the themes of the story, and the trauma isn't the key focus. If it was removed, OOT wouldn't make sense.

Does Wild being 15 instead of 17 affect the story in any way? The objective answer is no. No, it doesn't.

(child abuse section ends)

Let's return to Wild and how his trauma affects the way fans view him.

Let me frame out a part of a fic for you: after an unexpected event, by accident or on purpose, Wild reveals his devastating backstory. The responses range from appalled to protective to altogether aghast at how someone so young could have undergone such a thing. Cue the comfort. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

It's a fine sequence, but the tone and sometimes even the direct phrasing with which it's written often frames Wild as an incredibly admirable and strong individual who is /perfect as he is./

Let me frame out another fic concept: panic attacks, a popular topic in the hurt/comfort tag. Wild panics, someone comforts him, he reveals his tragic past, and—he gets up and is perfectly fine afterwards. 

Besides having the occasional panic attack, flashback, and nightmare, Wild is sociable, kind, friendly. Ultimately, he's just the kind of person you would want to be. 

However, when characters have an incredibly tragic backstory, experience only the most loud and attention-attracting symptoms of mental illness, and act completely unaffected and normal afterwards, is it really a portrayal of trauma, or is it just an excuse for angst?

Not only does this lead to the character being seen as unlikeable to those who do have personal experience with trauma, but it also gives those fics less of an emotional impact.

Part B. The Legend of Trauma: Asshole Pass

How much trauma gives you the green light to be rude and take it out on others?

Trick question. The answer is none. Trauma is a justification that can influence whether you will be forgiven, but in no way is a free pass that makes your actions right.

Legend has been through 6 adventures, so if there’s anyone who wins the completely arbitrary trophy of Most Numerous Trauma, it’s him. 

One of the most common LU characterizations is that Legend Is An Asshole, which is kind of strange, because he absolutely is not in canon. He’s protective over his items and makes fun of people, but he is not a jerk. (This seems to be a running remark, the way that authors will demean one of the Links to one personality trait and one personality trait only.)

There’s no shorter way to say it than that. Writing Legend as a jerk who doesn’t need to apologize sends a similar message to the readers—that if they have a good enough “excuse,” they can get off scot-free, too.

In fics that center around him, his actions can come off as tone-deaf at best and downright cruel at worst, but it’s justified because he’s traumatized. Furthermore, it comes off like it’s more justified because he’s more traumatized. That’s not how it works.

Fanfiction is a place where people can write whatever they want. But what these authors tend to disregard is that other people can also read what you write. A lot of these readers are young and don’t have other mental health resources that talk about what they may be going through. 

From when I was 13 to 17, I was an avid reader of fanfiction and also had issues in my family life. Because no other source discussed what people do in these situations, I thought the authors on Ao3 knew it better.

Fanfiction is obviously not a good source of information on mental illness, and we recommend that absolutely nobody use it as their resource on what is or isn’t acceptable, but we ask you to remember who your audience is. 

When you subject young readers to these incorrect portrayals of mental illness, you might end up dictating how they view neurodivergence—-and when someone who’s reading has what you are portraying, they might see themselves in a negative light.

Fics that end in tragedy due to a character having a condition, leaving no hope for the character to recover or achieve their goals leave the reader in the same state too. 

I’ll reiterate: Projection is fine, it’s just that when authors who don’t have the illness they’re portraying join in on the party, it starts to seem less like a creator expressing their feelings and more like a person using other people’s suffering as a form of angst.

Veering a little to the side to get to Wild, for a second—-in one of the most recent updates (depending on when you’re reading this) he made… a mistake! How terrible. Parts of the fandom decided that he was either A. Possessed by Dark Link, because Wild could never make a mistake, and it’s just not in his nature to, or B. He was terrible, annoying, and should get beat up by Four.

(I will admit, the Four jokes were pretty funny.)

With both these interpretations claiming that Wild lashing out was evil, the problem we’re discussing here is shown in full.

Wasn’t Wild lashing out due to his trauma? 

This is what the fandom supposedly wanted: a correct portrayal of PTSD. The fandom’s idea of PTSD is less than correct, though, and an unromanticizable symptom isn’t forgivable. 

Fanfiction is, by nature, self-indulgent, and rarely do people want to indulge in the ugly.

Part C. The Legend of The Other Ones I Guess

The Hero of the Skies. Everybody’s beloved soft and lazy boi.

And that's pretty much all he is, it seems.

Ignoring the flat characterization Sky goes through, there's still issues. Namely, chronic illness, and the way it is portrayed through him.

When you depict the only "lazy" character as someone with chronic illness, it reiterates the stereotype that neurodivergent and chronically ill people are lazy.

As an example, when I was on crutches, experiencing chronic fatigue, and asked for a quick favor, I was told to do it myself, even though they would have a much easier time doing it—like I was capable of completing the task, but I just didn’t want to do it.

It gets tiring after a certain point, and to see a fictional character that is called lazy by other people be tagged the chronically ill trait feels demeaning.

I don’t think it’s not a fun thing to explore, though—-I find it interesting to see, but there's a problem when it's only Sky. (I will admit, this is moreso a societal issue where 'lazy' and 'chronically ill' seem to go together, but that's not the point.)

You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place: thinking of Sky as lazy when he’s mentioned to be chronically ill, or thinking of Sky as chronically ill when he’s mentioned to be lazy. 

When you’re able-bodied and/or neurotypical, it’s easy to fall back on stereotypes, and you need to think about why you think a character is disabled. If you’re allistic, why do you headcanon a robot as autistic? If you’re able-bodied, why do you headcanon the “lazy” character as chronically ill?

Another common “trait” people will give Sky is asthma, but I've always found this hard to follow.

As he grows up above the clouds (where we all know the air gets thinner as you go up) his body is already familiar with the strain.

Once he goes down to the surface, it would be noticeably easier to breathe—this is supported by real life children who grow up in high altitudes, who have to acclimate to high air pressure as they descend and, notably, still have to acclimate to the low levels of oxygen when they return, as well.

Instead, I propose chronic altitude sickness—commonly short bouts of illness related to changing altitudes without time to acclimate. This is both accurate and more interesting to read.

Sky is also often portrayed as having narcolepsy, a disorder with many stereotypes. Because it’s something even the medical field doesn’t know much about, it leads to people without narcolepsy who want to depict it in their fic thinking they don’t need to put research into it.

Narcolepsy is, in fact, incredibly complicated—I have narcolepsy, having fully gone through the long diagnostic process and everything and there's still things even I don’t understand about it.

To clear up any misconceptions: Narcolepsy is not a “falls asleep at random” disorder. Narcolepsy is a disorder of a person's sleep cycles, specifically REM sleep, as the brain is unable to regulate when the sleep cycles happen. 

This can cause things like excessive daytime sleepiness, disrupted nighttime sleep, sleep paralysis, hallucinations, having your brain be stuck in autopilot, (meaning your body keeps moving after your brain tells it to stop) and if you have Narcolepsy Type-1, cataplexy.

I won’t go too in-depth, though. I am not a doctor. I just know what my sleep specialist has told me. Please do your own research and talk to people who have this condition (and if you don’t know anyone, you know me now! @wakingwinds on tumblr—I don’t bite, I promise). 

Narcolepsy is not cute, or fun, or something you can use as a tool for angst. Narcolepsy is real. I and many others suffer from it daily. I love the idea of Sky with narcolepsy, but only when it’s done right.

-

The Hero of the Four Sword. The least popular LU character (at least in terms of fics), and the subject of some pretty heavy discourse.

The writer of this section is a system, and I am speaking to the singlets of the Linked Universe fandom. There are a couple things I want to touch on here, and hopefully, I will be able to better educate people who want to learn. 

First off, Four. Specifically, singlets portraying him with DID. 

DID is something that has a lot of stereotypes and misconceptions even within the psych field, which is something I won’t get into here, but it’s safe to say that if you want to portray it properly you’re going to need to be very careful. 

In my opinion, I don’t think singlets should write Four with DID. 

The fact of the matter is that Four… doesn’t have DID. Four’s plurality was caused by a magic sword, not trauma. You can write Four as plural without giving them DID, which avoids issues with an accurate portrayal.

Obviously, you still shouldn’t use pluralphobic stereotypes (the “evil alter”, among others), but I would hope that’s a given. Once again, this is my personal opinion. There are probably going to be systems who disagree with me on this, and I am absolutely open to hearing their thoughts on the subject in a constructive conversation. 

If you’re a singlet who wants to write Four with DID, I’m not going to stop you, even though in my opinion, this subject should be left to systems to write on their own if they want to. 

So, how can you do it right?

Talk to systems. Every system will have vastly different experiences, so if you can it’s best to talk to multiple, but not everyone knows that many systems (and if you don’t know any at all, once again, you know me now. @wakingwinds on tumblr etc etc). 

Make sure you do research into the real life experiences of real systems, not just what some singlets have boiled it down to. Systemhood is a very varied experience, so in all honesty, as long as you aren’t being actively harmful and talk to some systems about your portrayal it’s not too hard to do it right. 

The second topic I wanted to touch on is how all of you as singlets can make this community more welcoming to the systems in it. I personally have had some incredibly bad experiences in this fandom directly related to being a system, and I know I’m not the only system who’s dealt with the same thing. 

First off, even though the whole idea of multiple people sharing a body may seem “weird” or “unrealistic” to you, we do exist. 

Do not assume a system you know is faking. You don’t know them, you are not their therapist, you are not inside their head, and quite frankly, it is none of your business. Especially as a singlet. Just let systems exist. It doesn’t matter if you think introjects are “cringy” or think that everyone on the internet is faking for attention. It’s not your place. 

Treat introjects like real people, not characters, because that’s what they are. Some introjects may be similar to their source, some are entirely detached from it, but at the end of the day they are a real person. Not roleplay. 

Next, have pluralkit and/or tupperbox in your servers! These bots are used by many systems to proxy as themselves, with their own names and profile pictures. I know for me, it is so incredibly validating to be able to proxy as myself in a server instead of having to mask as our collective singletsona, and the rest of my system feels the same. 

None of them want to have to pretend to be me, so in servers without pluralkit they feel alienated – like they can’t talk at all. 

Ask the systems you know about their boundaries. Everyone has a different experience, and they will want to be treated differently. Do they want to all be treated as separate people? Cool! Do they all consider themselves facets of the same person? Also cool!

Ask about what language they prefer and most of all, be respectful. A little bit of kindness and an attempt at understanding goes a long way. And hey, if you really want to help make the community more of a safe space, call out the pluralphobia you see in other singlets.

Listen to systems and boost their voices. Stay out of any system related discourse/drama. And most of all, just be nice to people. 

-

The Hero of Time.

Something I've noticed is how many people seem to interpret Time as a stoic, stern heroic figure. There's nothing wrong with this interpretation, but there's something I find lacking about it.

Let's look at the fanon interpretation of Mask, before we get into Time.

Mask is commonly used in Hyrule Warriors fics or as a younger, teenage version of Time. He is typically jaded, angsty, angry and snarky—and I enjoy seeing such characterizations, since it's a realistic way to lash out from trauma. Said fics also explore the consequences of his 'angsty teenager' actions, which is also great.

Now, let's remember that Time canonically has a form of support in Malon, and perhaps other characters we haven't met. While, yes, he can be stony and stoic at times, that's not all he is.

He opens up, he lets himself show his emotions to others, talks about what makes him happy. All things Mask doesn't do—because he has had time to heal from his trauma.

Not to say he isn't perfect. Of course he makes mistakes, of course his trauma hasn't up and disappeared. But he's learned how to be himself again.

I notice in fics where Time is this epitome of a stoic, heroic figure; it feels like his efforts have been erased, like he's still stewing in his trauma. This feels like we're reducing him to a character archetype (which is fine, as long as that's not all it is) and erasing what makes him such an interesting character.

-

We all create art to indulge and enjoy sharing our creations with others, and that's completely fine—encouraged, even.

However, something we must always keep in mind is the fact that while fiction isn't reality, they are symbiotic and affect each other drastically. Propaganda takes example of this by influencing peoples' minds through content, even fictional content. The word may have a negative context, but it can apply to anything—even this essay!

When you write fiction, you must remember that if you share it with other people, the information in it will subconsciously ingrain in their minds.

And when said information is stigmatized, stereotyped, or puts off incorrect ideas of trauma and how to heal, it can hurt many people.

Disabled people are not your tools for angst.

You don't have to take everything to heart here, but we ask that you at least take a second to think critically about yourself and the things you read.

That's all.

[night-dark-woods]

I want to start adding text descriptions to stuff i reblog, do you have any advice? is there a guide or something you use, the style of your IDs is very nice.

hey! thats great that you want to start writing IDs. I've reblogged guides before and ill tag this post with the tag they're in (image descriptions) so its easy to browse!

in addition to those other resources, here's some guidelines i personally keep in mind, & what i structure different IDs like.

for text transcripts: source & type of image, author, date if possible. here are some pretend/template IDs:

ID. a twitter screenshot from user @.[username] dated [date] that reads: "[tweet]." End ID.

i put the period after the @ symbol so it doesnt try to tag a nonexistent (or unrelated) user on this site, and a screenreader will just pause there briefly.

ID. a photo of a page from the book [name] by [author]. text reads: [transcript]. End ID.

if the OP cited the author/book/source, you can just do "Transcript: [text]. End transcript."

for actual images:

type of image is really important!

photograph, edited photograph, reaction image, edited reaction image, painting, digital painting, digital drawing, etc. you should always put what kind of image it is.

keep in mind the purpose of the image!

if its an art piece or a photo of one, its good to describe the medium, style, colors, and subject.

if it's a reaction image or other meme, you don't have to describe the surroundings in loving detail. the "point" of the image is enough.

if its a photograph, it might also be an art piece, or from the news, or someone sharing their pet. the amount and kind of detail again depends on the point of the image.

don't make judgements or assumptions!

dont describe things as badly drawn or badly photographed- and on the flip side, dont describe things as cute or beautiful. describe whats in the image, not how it makes you feel. if you love a certain part of how a photograph is framed, or how the light is painted in a piece of art, say that specifically. "beautiful" means nothing! do you mean realistic? vibrantly colored? "cute" means nothing! do you mean in a cartoony style? or that the subject matter is a cat, which many people find cute? be specific!

dont make statements about the gender or race of the people in the photo or art piece, especially if it's real people (like a news photo) unless you know those things as a fact (celebrities, fictional characters, people you know personally, people where it is mentioned in the article the photo is from). you can just describe things like hair length, skin tone, etc. exceptions to this rule imo are stock photos- eg if im captioning my favorite stock photo of all time, cyber woman with corn, i am going to describe it as "a stock photo of a white woman in a futuristic silver and black wraparound visor, wearing a silver bodysuit and cradling an ear of corn near her face and smiling slightly."

here are some example descriptions, all from images i have on my phone.

ID. a photo of two cats laying head to head on someones outstretched legs, which are under a blanket. one cat is an orange tabby, and the other is a gray and white splotched tabby. End ID.

the point of this image is my cats- im not going to spend time describing the blanket, the couch, the stuff you can see in the background, bc it's not relevant to the image, and adds nothing.

ID. a photo taken through a rainy window at twilight, with the camera focused on the raindrops on the glass, so the lights in the houses across the street are out of focus. the lights reflect on the wet pavement in a warm yellow glow. End ID.

i took this the other night bc i thought it looked cool how blurry it was- id consider this more of an "art" photo, so im describing the aspects of the framing etc that make it that- i wasnt just trying to show how rainy it was, but to take a photo in an interesting way, so those traits are "worth" describing.

ID. a photo of an acrylic painting done on a cardboard packing envelope of a city street at sunset, all the building windows reflecting gold. there are purple fluffy clouds in the sky, lit from below with peach and gold. the USPS tracking number barcode is still visible in the gap between houses at the end of the street. the brush strokes are very visible, the perspective is wonky, and the orange underpainting is visible at the edges. End ID.

this is a new ID for something i painted and already posted and i dont feel like getting the old ID. medium, style, and specific details i think are important are included. the perspective being wonky is a bit of a value judgement i wouldn't make about Other people's art, but it's my own and i think its an important detail so!

ID. an edited catcrumb comic, showing a simple mspaint illustration of a cat happily sorting things into piles with the caption, "sort sort. i love to arbitrarily sort." the cat has been colored in gray and its ears have been colored like homestuck troll horns, and the sorting piles replaced with some classpect symbols. End ID.

this is a good example of a edited image- its important to give (to some degree) a sense of what the original image was, say that its edited, and describe the changes. i dont need to list the classpect symbols i put on there, bc its not relevant to the message of the image- it would do nothing but make the ID longer.

oh- and to cap off the post- here is cyber woman with corn:

ID. a stock photo of a white woman in a futuristic silver and black wraparound visor, wearing a silver bodysuit and cradling an ear of corn near her face and smiling slightly. End ID.

[coldheartsbreakboys]

ill start this by saying i understand @its-actually-minicika said the matter with @blackdreamspeaks is over and done but i literally cant let go of some things she said.

((also english is my second language so im sorry if i make mistakes 🤡 i will put this under the cut but i really think people should read this))

here is the problem. she said that she, takes the blame for what happened but she posts this after not even a full day of calling out that she did something wrong

there are no multiple sides to this story girl like none at all. it is literally the fact that you took content from mini/mina without credit and after you apologised you didnt even own it uppp. you said it was a coincidence and that you maybe took inspiration from her from the unconcious which is such a dumb excuse.

yesterday i sent you an ask with screenshots of compared writing from mini that she posted 2 months ago and stuff you posted 2 days ago. and it was clear you took the sentence from her without even an edit. you also used the same insult she used with hw aemond for your aemond. which is again really shitty and so clear because only she uses it.

i didnt compare everything you wrote in your update to hw because it is very long and i think that even those two things are enough to prove this point. it is not fair that you took from mini but then not even apologise in truth. you cant say this was a coincidence. you cant say this isnt done with intent. she is a very nice person and she deserves a real apology where you actually say that, yes you copied from her but that you re very sorry.

i waited for you to at least answer my ask if you were actually sorry and assuming your blame. because i wanted to give you the benefit of doubt and let you prepare your answer. sadly you never replied but i still have the screenshots even after your edit.

>

so this one is yours.

>

and this one is from minis series.

there was also the insult as i said but i didnt take screenshots of it before you edited. but the insult was 'whithered cunt' which mini wrote in the first part of hw and that was a long time ago.

you guys can cancel me if you want and whatever i honestly dont care because i am a small blog and i tbh dont even post. threaten to doxx or send me mean dms I fr dont careee

this is a post that i made for both mini and me because she deserves a real apology and you didnt give her that and also because i am honestly very angry. i think most people also dont know what happened because you never released the screenshots in my ask and you never actually said what you took from mini. because yes!!! you took from mini. there are no sides to this. there is the right side and that is mini. you play the victim too much and that is not okay. you are 21 and you should know better.

i end this by saying i understand you talked to mini and you say she is okay with everything now. she didnt say anything to any of her followers to do. she actually told me and someone else to not bother anymore with this drama. but i am bothered. and you are very frustrating. what you did is not okay at all

so girl bffr and take the blame. it isnt that hard. i might be back to edit this or to add stuff i think is important but these are the most important things that i can think of right now. i will post with the tags for hotd because people need to see this and i don't have many followers.

[hueberryshortcake]

hellooooo tagged by @delladucker !!!<3 yes it took me two weeks to remember and finish this don't worry about it

how many fics do you have on ao3?

- currently 10

what's your total ao3 word count?

- 52,149..... when did that happen

what fandoms do you write for?

- currently usually ducktales of course but I still mess around in my howl's castle series drafts every once in awhile. everything else is from when I was afflicted with being 14 and doesn't count

what are your top five fics by kudos?

- "giving off sparks" which I did not put much effort into but I guess the people needed more Castle in the Air content

- the singular thing that survived the post-tma purge, that michael mcfuckhands thing, which is allowed to remain simply bc it was a little funny

- "wednesday morning 3am" - yeahhhHHhHhHh

- "after changes upon changes" - I will never forget the day I found out there was a secret sixth verse to the boxer and I think I may have ascended. anyway yeah this one was cute

- "prodigal" yea

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

- I try to but I'm shy and my brain is made out of spaghetti and pop rocks so if you left one and I didn't respond. <3.

what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

- in general? probably one wtnv fic from the Bad Times (freshman year). attached to my ao3 probably "a home she could not keep" I have thoughts about Goldie o Gilt

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

- OUVGHGR idk I think that kind of depends on your definition of happy ending..... wednesday morning is cute changes upon changes is cute prodigal I definitely was writing the end like "this is so silly and sappy. POST!" but like idk I'm largely tired with pointless angst personally. like I'm okay with things sucking really bad for our heroes in the middle but ending a story on an upward trajectory is important to me when I'm writing

do you get hate on your fics?

- sometimes people say weird stuff about della in my comments and it makes me mad because she is just some guy

do you write smut?

- no I'd rather lock my barbies in the house and then shake it and yell EARTHQUAKE than make them kiss or heaven forbid.... anyway I have more important things to be doing personally

do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've ever written?

- no I do like the occasional silly au though like the howl pendragon/ben suliman/sophie hatter Vicious au which appealed to exactly two people and never saw the light of day

have you ever had a fic stolen?

- no can you imagine if someone broke into ur house and then stole only a spiral notebook full of crayon drawings and disney stickers. it would be like that to me and it would be so funny

have you ever had a fic translated?

no that would be sick

have you ever cowritten a fic before?

no but there was a time when ex wife and I were co brainstorming so hard it may well have been cowriting if you squinted

what's your all time favorite ship?

- howl and sophie jenkins-pendragon-hatter........... they were holding hands and smiling and smiling quite unable to stop....... I gotta take a walk

what's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

- hallmark chronic illness sophie hatter christmas..... also I just found a document that's five sentences of Benjamin Chang actually stuck in a time loop in s6e1. cool

what are your writing strengths?

- I completely blanked because I think I suck at everything so I phoned a friend and asked my ex wife and he said "your writing strengths are themes and motifs and also sick ass metaphors" Thank you ex wife

what are your writing weaknesses?

- actually writing

thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

- ummmm like I've written some stuff in French before because I'm proficient in it but I always heavily double check everything I've written so idk. I keep it to a couple lines at maximum because I'm not super comfortable with it

first fandom you wrote for?

- there isn't a way to answer this that isn't incredibly embarrassing so I guess that time I wrote a self insert character who was kind of weird and not like anybody else and got sorted into ravenclaw (I was eleven)

favorite fic you've ever written?

- oh how to choose! if I've posted it in the last two years I like it. I reread prodigal the most and people seemed to like it a lot but whenever I reread Wednesday Morning 3AM I'm like wait this rocks. wed3am is like my eldest daughter carved immaculately from marble that I forget exists and prodigal is the son I worship despite his formatting errors (they are part of the charm I'm not fixing them. I'm too stubborn)

tagging..... @justaboot @aaandbackstabbed

[craske]

I don't want to sound pretentious when i say all this (and this ended up being really long??), but i really do think you don't need to uphold your online presence so consciously, or even at all. There's nothing wrong with being "inactive" because trying to show up for everything is some sick standard social media made up. Maybe it might be difficult to uphold an idgaf personality, but i can say from my experience it could be better to try a little bit at a time. I can say that they really do mean it when you can have quiet admirers, from my experience all the more. Maybe they're too shy to put silly tags when they reblog or just put a like on your post. And I don't think you have to worry too much about sticking to one piece of media and be afraid the people following you won't like you anymore for posting different content. At most, I just believe they won't really care enough to unfollow you or stop engaging entirely. The most important thing to me is that you stick around doing the things you actually want to do, even if you're just showing up every month or so, or black out for a year or more. Because the people who do care will be overjoyed to see you whatever you post or share, especially when you come back after a long time. It really is discouraging when you don't see that actively, maybe because we're so used to seeing numbers that relate to our worth. But i like to imagine we're waving at each other from a distance or smiling through a window, as horrid as online landscapes can be nowadays. I know i'm running my mouth here but i just wanted to share my experience because i um. 🙋 also think youre really cool and awesome and i love whatever work you do and the fact you share it is an amazing thing enough i feel privelaged and youre humor is funny and whatever new stuff you post is just introducing me to things i'll also think is cool down the line and i really do wish i can share my appericiation more and evolve from being a quiet admirer /inhales/ 👍 i would say this is a sort of love letter from the gas station but i also mean it as kai 👋 i hope you're doing well in uni or that it gets better soon or in whatever it is youre doing now. and whether or not youre online, i hope youre doing the things you enjoy 🫶

okay i needed some time to figure out how to respond to this ask because theres a lot (in a /pos way dont worry) so ill start off with saying that i really really and i do mean it Really appreciate what you said here. Especially lately, ive been struggling with being active online outside of small spaces where there are just me and a few other people. might be me feeling overwhelmed when i say something into the void with a high chance of no response, though i wont fault anyone for that. i myself know interaction is scary so i do get it. ever since i started using the internet ive stuck to my small online bubbles so yeah interaction kind of intimidating online

and though i agree it does feel discouraging to sometimes see no feedback or much of a reaction, i try not to be bummed out about it myself because im also a silent admirer of many artists online. so like ive said before i do understand that sometimes people are shy and dont interact directly and theres no pressure really to change that. just the idea that there are people that like what i make is really nice, even though i suffer from the same issue that maaany other artists have and i need to actively remind myself of that.

about sticking to one fandom its a very recent but big issue to me because ive been DEEP in the persona pit for like 4 years, and i certainly built an audience around that. i know there will always be people that stick around no matter what but despite that theres always that nagging feeling that maaybe things will crumble. obviously thats not true but human mind fucking SUCKS

as the final note ill say it again that your message means a lot to me and i thank you a lot for it <333 im soo flattered by your words and they made my past two days, thank you soo much

[nofacednerd]

You know what I loved the most about My Adventures With Superman? The fact that it's evidence that every serialized story has to be as dark and gritty as burnt toast.

Yeah, sure, it has it's dark moments.

Like when Lois [CENSORED FOR SPOILERS] Clark because he's Superman.

Or when Jimmy got himself [CENSORED FOR SPOILERS] all alone.

Or when the General and Amanda Waller [CENSORED FOR SPOILERS] together near the end of the season.

But it's still a really lighthearted show most of the time. Meanwhile, most serialized shows get darker and darker to the point where you need f*cking night-vision goggles to actually watch the damn thing.

And despite how many shows go down the tubes because of this style of depressing storytelling--Friendship Is Magic, Star Vs, Steven Universe, Miraculous Ladybug, Voltron: that one Loonatics show that's become nothing but a joke to everyone including Warner Bros themselves--despite ALL THAT, people still insist that making shows dark and gritty through serialization is a good idea. And by "people", I mean:

A. Insecure man-children who want to convince you that watching a kid's show about magical ponies makes them smarter or more mature than average.

Or B. Creative hacks in showbiz who want to pander the aforementioned man-children because that's always easier than actually writing a story.

But if all of those shows are evidence as to why making shows too dark is a bad idea, My Adventures With Superman is evidence that having a balance, or even arguably a majority of lightheartedness, is a winning strategy.

anon I prommy it's okay. I, the OP, can tag this post as spoilers. You don't need to censor yourself here bud

2. not to go all animation major on this post but I think that in terms of 'grittiness' in cartoons within the last decade, it's kind of important to think about how media affects our views of the world and how, in turn, world events affect media.

To put it lightly, the last decade has fucking SUCKED. The 2016 presidential election, the sudden shift on social media to give platforms to racists, misogynists, and homophobes, the rise of neo-nazis. Not to mention a global pandemic and multiple major crises around the world. Children these days are VASTLY different to how children were when I (and maybe even you, anon) were that age. They have social media now where they're exposed to the worst of the world at a near-constant basis. It's traumatizing.

Cartoons have always been about giving kids a reflection of themselves. The world is darker and kids are developing mental illnesses and trauma, so the media they watch reflects that.

I also think that it isn't particularly fair to the shows you have listed here to say that they have 'depressing' storytelling and implying the only people who like those sorts of shows are man-children or hacks. I like those shows and I'm neither of the above. It's also unfair to completely reduce those shows to being gritty when.... they really aren't? Not any more than My Adventures with Superman is, really. My Little Pony is especially mostly lighthearted adventures about love and friendship. Miraculous' more serious moments are, at best, a B-plot as far as I'm aware and are only really discussed majorly in fanon spaces. Star Vs was SO much fucking around randomly that I got bored of the show after a while. The only real outlier here that I can comment on (I haven't and will not watch Voltron) is Steven Universe, but when talking about it's core messaging, it's important to remember Rebecca Sugar's identity as a queer Jewish person, and how that affects it's themes of love and oppression.

MAWSM's 'lightheartedness' also comes from an extremely long-lasting era of gritty superhero stories in general (thanks alan moore and also that one guy who called the dc hotline like 40 times because he fucking hated jason todd). It's intentionally supposed to be majorly lighthearted because darker stories is the only (and in my opinion, incorrect) way that Superman has been allowed to be presented within the last few decades.

I think that, perhaps dear anon, what you really are looking for is more diversity in content. And that's fair! But there are plenty of shows that don't (as far as I'm aware) focus too heavily on heavy themes, but the truth is, mawsm does. There are lots of heavy themes of imperialism, identity, diaspora, and trauma all within the first season of the show.

Not particularly sure where I was going with this. Sorry for replying with a full essay.

[bellshazes]

Etho rolls his eyes, acting irritated that his warning’s ignored as if Bdubs hasn’t seen him play against any authority he’s ever come across, more or less. “And so it won’t be your fault things get ruined if you make other people take control. You stay perfect if you never make anything that isn’t.” He sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth, then whistles low. He forgets, sometimes, the way Etho can go for the jugular with casual precision. “Come on, that’s not - you know that’s not it.” Etho snaps his journal shut, gives a one-shouldered shrug as he sets it on the pile on little table next to his chair. The accumulation of papers and storage on every surface were as big as Bdubs had ever seen Etho let them get in all the years they'd known each other, always being coaxed into order against the entropy of daily routine. He could have been here a week; he could have been here before the basement appeared, the stairs twisting out of his way so he could emerge after a century into the monolith, inevitable. Real apologies for things he means are rare, but there’s resignation just shy of gentle pity in his voice when he says, “I know.” It’s close enough to letting him off the hook: not agreement with the protest, but understanding what Bdubs actually means. If Etho minded Bdubs’ tendency to sideline himself or the pedestal Bdubs liked to put him on, he hadn’t breathed a word of it in years and years, too many repetitions of worlds to count now. He spent a long time learning the joy of joining someone else’s woven threads to make a new tapestry, has always understood the utility of artifice that sets something else at its center since he started. The fact Etho doesn’t invent his own enemies anymore and Bdubs offers himself up as one to fall to others makes his criticism as good as a concession; the old pattern is coalescing, Etho taking up against the rule Bdubs advocated for, and the gratitude settles with diffuse warmth across his body. Repetition always helps make it real.

actually i guess i just still want to talk abt this because it's the only part of ruinsfic that makes me grimace when i read it. like i stand by it but i think it's a little... on the nose? originally this led to the comparison btwn redstone machines that don't work the first try and stories.

but like the whole driving force of that fic is that bdubs performs perfectionism to hide his numerous flaws, which are also hiding the fact that he is, in fact, a very very very exacting people pleaser, which is almost the same as perfectionism. villains only need be useful, narratively. but it's also important to me that etho is being mean on purpose as he does, bc it IS easier to sidestep the need to be perfect if you only make imperfect things so nobody can criticize you - but that's also not the like, main driver of bdubs instigating the king arc. the difference btwn self-deprecation & doing something at your own expense for a communal experience. and etho acknowledging he'll be the opposition is as good as enabling bdubs. the weakest part is probably trying to thread the fact that etho used to do little storyline bits with an invented villain but doesn't anymore BUT is happy to tag along with dogwarts in 3L (& again in LL lol) or playing both sides of the mycelium resistance etc.

well it's a lot and i don't love it but i think it's good enough. one day ill write the thesis-in-a-fic i want to. but not yet :(

[samsspambox]

greetings, sam! if i may, i’d like to ask a question regarding a possibility you suggested in the tags of @/surely-galena’s post regarding giann not having a sprite

it was suggested that giann’s lack of a sprite may allude to him having lost his memory and you had raised the possibility of giann wanting to lose his memory. i’m curious as to why you had thought so 👀

although it’s perfectly understandable if you do not wish to answer as it has been some time since the theory was posted!

have a pleasant day ahead!

: ⚜️

good morrow fleur-de-lis nonnie!! that's a fancy emoji u got there jksbdcbjks you're always welcome to ask questions here! and i'm not about to pass up a chance to put my theory-approved tinfoil hat on!

you're right, i did suggest that giann could've wanted his memory erased! now, here's the thing: i guess i can say this is a theory within a theory. this is kinda relating to my giann is a filthy mastermind theory in which giann fakes his own kidnapping in order to hide from... someone idk. but his best chance at survival is hiding.

now, we know dr. richter is capable of hypnosis. this practice can suggest the mind to do different things, it's how some people are able to quit smoking, break phobias, or just change their behavior. (consult ur doctor to see if hypnosis is right for u lmaooo that's my legal disclaimer here). in popular media, at least, hypnosis fucks with your memory. if we take the bit in the giann is a mastermind theory, the one where he's hiding in plain sight at the giannovyn mental research center, then it makes sense for him to get his memory wiped. he's out of the playing field, might as well make sure that he stays out until vyn is ready to bring him back into play (as per a mutual agreement. you can't hypnotize someone into doing something they don't wanna do.)

alas, as you've said, it's been a while since this theory was posted. what are my thoughts now? well, it's not looking pretty, people. so: giann is one of the only people without a sprite that is important to the story. take marius' personal story 4: the main perpetrator of the impersonation was someone who's sprite was introduced that same chapter. giann was introduced in a flashback via marius' rrg card. so, following this logic: i don't think giann is going to get a sprite. i feel like he's dead. galena does a really good job as breaking down why she thinks giann is dead in the post you linked (and i shall also link here) and after a good chunk of the year and how i see the story progression going, i stand firmly with galena on this one.

theres also a thing i've been thinking about related to this and ironically, the fic i'm writing. galena, in her post, talks about how memory is an important part of the game, and also links this post by zak about memory. why is this important specifically? because of the effects of the nxx drug/flora x/X03A. i have a running theory on luke being affected by the drug which then leads to his illness, and in his anni card it states that it's neurological. it checks with how the drug itself works: "It affects the brain in many different ways. In children still developing it causes delays in growth. In adults, it makes them unstable, prone to depression or other mental ails." (that's,,, a quote for the fic i'm writing LMAOO) so who's to say the drug doesn't cause memory loss? what if giann is afflicted with the same stuff luke has, only it's worse on him? that the reason he doesn't have a sprite is because he lost himself?

*shrug* there's a lot of things that it could be. the theory holds up if you look at it through that lens, but i'm more inclined to say that they offed giann. after all, that makes for more conflict in the nxx and sometimes conflict drives the story. it all depends on your point of view.

thank you so much for this question fleur nonnie! i hope you stick around!!!

[fabshroom]

An "analysis" of my playlists to grief Technoblade's passing

The best way I can express/share my emotions is through music so it was pretty natural for me to make a playlist after watching "so long nerds". For some reason I want to share it and explain why I added certain songs to the playlist. Songs in no particular order (also apologies for wonky punctuation, I'm trying my best).

I want put some triggers here (just in case because I know there are many new users on Tumblr and they might not have blocked tags yet): cancer, death, death of a relative/death of a loved one, thoughts of death, depression, bad mental health (if I'm missing something let me know)

1. Wrecked by Imagine Dragons

(Funfact, when I first listened to the song I didn't like it a lot but after my brain started to connect it with Techno I listened to it on loop. Also the album released on the 1st of July)

"Days pass by and my eyes stay dry, and I think that I'm okay 'til I find myself in conversation fading away"

I honestly think this is pretty self explanatory. For most days I feel okay and think I'm finally healing but then all the grief strucks me again and I feel like on day one.

"The time you took to teach me all that you had taught, tell me, how am I supposed to move on?"

Self explanatory as well. Techno taught us as a fandom so much but also on an individual level he changed my life to the better and taught me so much.

"these days I'm becoming everything that I hate, wishing you were around but now it's too late"

I hate this state of griefing because I never really learned how to deal with my emotions and most of the time when the grief gets strong I just feel paralyzed. I know that it's okay and it's important to take breaks but my brain is telling me that it's stupid to grief him because I never actually knew him. (Gotta love parasocial grief /sarc). I just wish he was still here.

"I'm a wreck without you here, I'm a wreck since you've been gone. I've tried to put this all behind me. I think I was wrecked all along"

This one is a more personal one. Techno's death struck me hard, and I think it was not only because I enjoyed his content, but I also felt incredibly safe and somehow understood consuming his content and in his community, and the last time I felt that safe was in the presence of my grandma. She died 2016 to CJD and her passing struck me very hard and was possibly (one of the) reason for my mental health going downhill very quickly. And after losing her a few weeks after discovering her illness, losing Techno in a realtively short span of time as well hurt so much and took me back to a 2016 place of mind. (Luckily I now have a great support system around me and am generally alright)

"they say that time will heal it, the pain will go away, but everything, it reminds me of you and it comes in waves"

Pretty self-explanatory as well. It's been four months and I don't feel different at all. There were like two weeks were I really thought it got better and I survived the first four stages of grief but then I found myself back at stage one and two the next day. It comes in waves, some days are better and some are worse, some days are a weird in-between. But that is okay, you can't just go back to normal after such a loss.

"These days when I'm on the brink of the edge, remember the words you said, remember the life you led"

Everytime I feel down because of his passing I try to just remember the positive things he taught us, I just try to remember the good times we had as a community and most of the time it helps.

"You'd say 'Oh suck it all up, don't get stuck in the mud thinking of the things you should have done"

Yea this is just Techno. I don't think he would want us to get stuck in this place of mind. He would want us to be happy and remember the positive things in life.

"Sometimes I wish I could see you one more day but I can't"

I don't think I can add anything here. I just wish he was here for another day (or two, or three or just a long and happy life)

2. No Surprises by Radiohead

(the main reason I have this on my playlists is one specific tiktok post)

"Bruises that won't heal"

Every time I think about him it feels like the impact is hitting me again with the same strength, like an ever lasting bruise that always gets refreshed and won't fully heal.

"Bring down the government. They don't, they don't speak for us"

Our favourite anarchist c!Techno

"Such a pretty house and such a pretty garden, no alarms and no surprises, [...], please"

This is mainly a personal thing and isn't a reason why the song is in the playlist, but I still fits because it reminds me of the 1st of July. I woke up for school and checked my phone after my first alarm (I have like 6 every morning) and saw Techno uploaded. The euphoria of a new upload woke me up instantly (even tho the euphoria turned into nausea real quick). I didn't need more alarms and I most certainly hoped for no more surprises that day. A few hours later I was sitting at brunch in the garden of a friend and she, in fact, has a pretty house and a pretty garden.

3. Mr. Forgettable by David Kusher

(this song honestly reminds me more of my grandma than Techno but as said above, they both have a special place in my heart)

"I know that you're waiting for me like a dog, but have some patience for the part of me that's lost"

For some morbid reason this just reminds me of "so long nerds". We really waited for a new video like dogs, but not for that kind of video. We lost him that day, but he still lives on in our hearts, our minds and especially in our community.

"There's been a hundred times when I don't recognize any of you that love me, I try to memorize and identify but it's all getting foggy"

In this context it's more about his size as a content creator that actual memory loss, but I feel like Techno tried to make us all feel welcomed in his community. I just hope he knew how much we all loved him.

4. Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush

(It was the third song I added because I had it stuck for the whole morning after watching the video)

"If I only could, I'd make a deal with God and I'd get him to swap our places"

Sometimes I wished I could trade places with Techno so he could be here, alive and happy. The amount of grief in the world would have been way smaller but not really less significant. (This is more or less /nsrs, I know it's not possible and doesn't really make sense but I just want him back)

5. when the party's over by Billie Eilish

(this song song a totally different connotation than the original in the context of my playlists, it's more specific lines that struck me)

"But nothing ever stops you leaving"

We couldn't save him and sometimes I'm really frustrated about it but I know that there was just too much up against us. There was no way we could have made the situation better but it still hurt to see him leave. I felt so little and powerless from the day we knew his diagnosis.

"I could lie, say I like it like that"

I know this sounds bad! But I'm really over-interpreting this part, for me it's more the fact that I barely told anyone that knows me irl. I just tried to push it away and deal with the grief alone. I lied and said I'm okay even tho I was in a totally different place of mind.

"Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own"

Even when I had the support online I felt lost and alone when I came home. I didn't know how and if I should tell my parents. I wanted their emotional support but I didn't know where to start, they don't even know Technoblade existed. In the end I talked to my therapist about it a few weeks later (and she was very facinated by me mourning over a complete stranger, if she only knew there were and are millions who do).

"Once we've both said our goodbyes, let's just let it go, let me let you go"

He said goodbye but I'm not quite ready. I don't know if I will ever be. I don't want to let him go.

6. Injustice by CG5

(This is a short one; it's about c!Techno so yeah. You'll still get some of my favourite lines tho)

"I've been living and fighting in this war of life but it doesn't matter how hard I try, while heroes die, new tyrants rise"

Guess this is pretty obvious?

"history repeats itself over and over"

I think this was the line that really made me add the song to the playlist, made me think of my grandma

7. Meteor Shower by Cavetown

(I really, really love this song)

"making up problems that don't exist, why do I let myself dream like this"

Often I feel like I just obsess over something too much and like don't have my true feelings anymore? It's hard to explain in English. And sometimes I dream and hope that he just shows up again but I know he won't.

"there's nothing you or I can do, so let the stars fall"

We as a community were just powerless, I think Techno knew how the chances for him were but he still raised a bunch of money so people who come after have better chances.

"I'd sell my own bones for sapphire stones 'cause blue's your favourite colour"

As far as I'm aware Technoblade's favourite colour was blue. This line is the reason I added the song to the playlist. I was building a monument in Minecraft after his passing and looked up his favourite colour for decorations & it said blue.

8. Watching Him Fade Away by Mac DeMarco

(makes me feel like crying 90% of the time)

"And even though we barely knew each other, it still hurts watching watching him fade away"

I can't really add more than what the lines already say. I didn't know him but it still hurt, it was a totally knew feeling for me to lose someone so close but unfamiliar.

"The thought of him no longer being around, well, sure it would be sad, but not really different"

His death shouldn't really change my life since I didn't really know him, but he still had an impact on me. It is sad that we lost him but at the same time it's not...really different?

9. Slipping Through My Fingers by Abba/Meryl Streep

"I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness and I have to sit down for a while"

The news were like a punch in my stomach and I suddenly felt really numb and distance to the actual world, again reminds me of my grandma passing.

"The feeling that I'm losing her forever and without really entering her world"

We are losing him forever and for most of us, he wasn't aware of our existence as an individual and that's okay, I mean, he had like 10 million subs. But I know he'd still appreciate each and every single one of us.

"Slipping through my fingers all the time, ai try to capture every minute"

I feel like especially over the last year we tried to catch every minute we got with him, even when he was saying he's doing better, I didn't want to miss anything, just in case.

"then when she's gone, there's that odd melancholy feeling and a sense of guilt I can't deny"

Some days I feel like I didn't do enough but I know there is nothing I could have done.

"what happened to all those wonderful adventures? The places I had planned for us to go?"

Sometimes I wonder what else he had planned, not only for dsmp lore but also other content. What comedy gems did we miss?

"Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture and save it from the funny tricks of time"

I don't want to forget one good minute I had enjoying his content and interacting with the community. I wish I could just have it all in a photo album to look at in a few years.

10. Atlantis by Seafret

(this song makes me feel like crying as well, I just want to scream it)

"tell me why this has to end" and "I can't save us, my Atlantis, we fall"

I still don't really want to believe it's over and I wish there was a way we could have saved him. Losing him sent many into a free fall (and I really hope everyone was able to catch themselves again)

"the hurt just leaves me scared, osing everything I've ever known, It's all become too much, maybe I'm not built for love"

About history repeating itself. Now I'm even more scared of creating emotinal attachments to someone again because it never ended well for them.

11. Thank You by Dido

(only recently added this and don't know the song well, I'm honestly looking at the full lyrics for the first time rn)

"I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all"

I'm really glad I got the news from the video and not over Twitter or friends who texted me to check up on me, but sometimes I wonder what would have changed if I would have stayed in bed a bit longer that day and didn't have time to watch the video before class?

"but your picture on my wall, it reminds me that it's not so bad"

The Fanart on my wall reminds me of him and makes me remember that life isn't too bad.

"and I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life"

His content meant a lot to me and everyone else in the community. He brightened up so many days.

"and all I see is you"

This is a "everywhere I go I see his face" kinda moment. Not only social media was full of him for the first days but many things just reminded me of him (I took so many pictures of sunsets this summer.)

12. Everybody Hurts by R.E.M.

(this song was randomly playing while I was reading some Reddit posts from Technodad and was just like "that's us" and added it)

"when you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on, don't let yourself go 'cause everybody cries"

As you probably know at this point I have a hard time expressing my emotions and even when I'm alone I have a hard time crying. Like my eyes wet and I feel like crying but nothing happens, it's terrible tbh. After the video I didn't really cry, I just felt numb. It took the 9 year anniversary video for his channel to make me cry and I mean full on sobbing on the floor crying. Had to stop after like 4 minutes and take a break. I think it clicked that day and I have to say that (after that day) I started to feel better and even the harder days aren't as bad anymore.

"everybody hurts sometimes, sometimes everything is wrong"

I kinda see this as the collective mourning we experience. For all of us something feels wrong now, we're all hurt.

"take comfort in your friends"

My friends and this community were really important to me, especially in the first few days. I don't know if I could have handled the situation that "well" without my friends and you guys.

13. In the Stars by Benson Boone

"I'm screaming at a God, I don't know if I believe in 'cause I don't know what else I can do"

Based on true events. I don't believe in God but if I had a nickel for everytime I prayed to a God I don't believe in after the death of a loved one I would have two nickels which isn't a lot but its weird that it happened twice

"I'm still holding on to everything that's dead and gone, I don't wanna say goodbye, 'cause this one means forever"

Again, I don't want to say goodbye, I don't want to forget and I'm scared to forget because of my kind of object permanence. I'm scared that I will forget once I'm done mourning.

"it hurts so hard for a million different reasons"

We all have our own reasonings behind being hurt by what happened, some are individual, some are shared by the whole community.

14. The 30th by Billie Eilish

(this song makes me feel like crying as well, brings me close to tears every time)

"even then you looked so pretty, in a hospital bed"

This reminds me of the picture of him in his bed or the hospital bed and the Playbutton. It was one of the first propper images we got of him and it has a special place in my heart.

"I remember you said you were scared, and so was I"

I don't actually know if he was scared, but I can imagine he was. And we were so scared when the news first came out, like I know we were all like "he's gonna kick cancers ass" but I believe many of us were really, really scared and overwhelmed.

"Usually, I don't panic, I just wanted to be on time"

Again the day where we found out. I had school that morning and I was conflicted between taking my time with processing the news and going to class. I went to class in the and (and I honestly think it was the right desicion and stopped me from spiraling for at least a few more hours)

"If you changed anything, would you not have survived? You're alive, you're alive, you're alive"

This just makes me sad because for us it's the complete opposite. Would he still be alive if they found it sooner? Would it have changed anything?

15. Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens

(I think this song is pretty obvious since it is about cancer, so I'll try and leave out that part of commenting, just look it up, most of my interpretation is just the original meaning)

"What could I have said to raise you from the dead?"

I wish we could bring him back somehow.

"we're all gonna die"

Sometimes I forget how mortal we all are, and how quickly one's life can end, even of they don't have an accident.

"was it all a disguise, like junior high? Where everything was fiction, future, and prediction"

I'm pretty certain Techno was trying to downplay the situation and severity to protect us because I think we would have been really devastated if he would have lost his confidence.

"Did you get enough love, my little dove? Why do you cry?"

This just makes me think about found family fanfictions (and I'm a sucker for found family and technoblade centric Fanfics)

"Make the most of your life, while it is rife, while it is light"

This could be something Techno would tell us when we're sad about someone's passing. I think he would want us to keep going and do what we enjoy.

16. Funeral by Phoebe Bridgers

(A friend of mine posted the first two quotes I'll add in their story and I just instantly felt like this song should go into the playlist)

"I've been taking to his dad, it made me so sad"

I love reading Technodad's Reddit posts and learn more about Techno as a person outside of YouTube but it also makes me feel miserable.

"When I think too much about it I can't breathe"

Thinking about the events make me feel like I'm just trapped somewhere, not really numb but just like... squished.

"And I have this dream where I'm screaming underwater while all my friends are waving from the shore"

When we first found out I felt incredibly alone in real life. Online I got all that support and people mourning with me but in real life I was the only one. My friends were kind of there for me but they didn't know him so they couldn't really help besides comforting me a bit.

"Jesus Christ, I'm so blue all the time and that's just how I feel, always have and always will"

Techno wasn't there when I was at my lowest point, because I didn't know him back then, but he still helped me getting more stable in life and with my emotions, and on darker days he still distracted me. It was a throwback when he died but I'm okay, even tho this constant sadness still clings onto me, weak but it's there.

"Wishing I was someone else, feeling sorry for myself, when I remembered someone's kid is dead"

Sometimes the thought of me overreacting appears because compared to the pain of others I'm having a good life, but I've learned that the pain of others shouldn't make me invalidate my own.

17. TV by Billie Eilish

(this is pretty far fetched but it just makes me emotional okay?)

"I don't wanna talk right now, I just wanna watch TV"

Talking about it is fucking hard, I still haven't told my parents, even though it happend five months ago.

"I'll stay in the pool and drown so I don't have to watch you leave"

No because I think everything would be easier than knowing he won't come back.

"Maybe I should get some sleep"

Idk what to say about this line, it just resonates with me.

"Don't know where you are right now"

I just hope you're somewhere, feeling happy and healthy.

"And I'll be in denial for at least a little while, what about the plans we made?"

I think these are the lines that made me add the song to the playlist. I don't want to accept it, it's fucking hard.

18. Enterlude & Exitlude by The Killers

I think you can all guess why this is here

"We hope you enjoy your stay, it's good to have you with us, even if it's just for the day"

The way I sobbed when I heard this for the first time. I'm really glad Technodad shared this with us, even if it wasn't in So Long Nerds.

"Outside the sun is shining"

Reminds me of how the news really made my day hard, even when everything else when well that day and it was really good weather.

"It seems like heaven ain't far away"

I really love this line because we didn't really expect it to happen so soon...or at all. And it just kinda pulled me back and reminded me to enjoy the little things and interactions in life.

"Regrettably time's come to send you on your way"

Wasn't ready to let him go, but we have to (at least at some point).

"It doesn't even matter, don't you worry, it'll all work out"

This was (and still is) so comforting for me to hear, typing this part almost 10 months later and it still helps me a lot to listen this verse.

19. Yes to Heaven by Lana Del Rey

This song just touches my heart in a spot I didn't know it needed to be touched.

"If you dance, I'll dance and if you don't, I'll dance anyway"

Techno was a role model to some of us or just helped us through tough times but now we have to continue fighting without him being at our side.

"Give peace a chance, let the fear you have fall away"

Again about letting him go, fighting through anxiety and negativity, finding peace after all that happened.

"I've got my eye on you"

I see it both in us looking after each other and looking after Techno and Technodad as well as them looking after us.

"If you go, I'll stay. If you come back, I'll be right here"

I would have waited for him, but I'm also staying here.

" 'cause I got my mind on you"

Most of the time, no matter where I am he comes back to my mind. It's the little reminders, the little thoughts that pull me back down into grief.

"And if you fight, I'll fight"

About him being our teacher in so many things. I'll continue fighting, even now he's gone.

"It doesn't matter, now it's all gone"

Sometimes it feels like it doesn't matter anymore, but it does. It does matter a lot and I just hope things get better.

Thank you for reading!

Wow this took longer than I expected, but I really liked it. Helped me phrasing my emotions a bit. I hope it helped some of you as well, even if it's just in the form of finding a new song you like or finding comfort.

Again if I missed any tags please let me know, don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable.

Take care guys.

[aadmelioraa]

one line, any fic

rules: pick any 10 of your fics, scroll somewhere to the mid point, pick a line, and share it! Then tag 10 people. I just went with my most recent 10 fics, which were all for Rings of Power, but this was super fun!

tagged by @monroesimons <3 tagging @volvaaslaug @weavemeamyrtlecrown @destinationtoast @catja and @forasecondtherewedwon

All This and Heaven Too (Isildur x Isildur's Wife, Isildur x Valandil)

Elendil sighs and looks towards the heavens. “I wasn’t asking after food for the horses, Isildur.”

Moonrise (Isildur x Valandil)

Valandil stands next and offers Isildur his hand. Isildur accepts, though he doesn’t meet Valandil’s eyes.

Alone (Eärien x Valandil)

In another life, perhaps he would have loved the one who’d lived. In another life, perhaps she would have loved him too.

Ready to Serve (Elendil x Míriel x Valandil)

“Indeed, I wish you had seen it, my queen,” Elendil says, stepping nearer Valandil in a measured way, as if he were performing the steps to some dance Valandil had never learned. “Perhaps you may attend our next training session, if you can spare the time.”

Predictable (Isildur x Valandil)

Isildur’s mouth twitches, but he instinctively turns his palms upward, wrists together for Valandil to bind. It was as if they’d done this a hundred times before. Valandil cinches the leather tight enough that Isildur draws a quick breath through his nose. Valandil’s pulse jumps at that. He lets his thumb linger on the inside of Isildur’s wrist, where the skin is soft and he can feel the strength of Isildur’s heartbeat, hammering as quickly as his own.

Understanding (Galadriel x Míriel)

Míriel kisses her first, her touch firm and eager, and Galadriel responds in kind. They had shared a bed twice before, once in Númenor, and once aboard the ship. The first time had the thrill of danger, like a sparring match against an unfamiliar opponent. They had circled each other, certain of nothing but the spark they shared. The second time had been a different sort of thrill. They were more known to each other, both full of joy and excitement for the battle to be waged. This time is different again. There is no joy, but there is an understanding which transcends words.

Ash (Valandil Character Study)

Elendil doesn’t need him to speak the words. His fear, cloaked in anger, fades, and despair sets in. Valandil’s voice cracks, and he abandons his attempts. There is no way to put voice to this grief.

Preparations (Elendil x Míriel)

Míriel holds his gaze for a long while. Her countenance, composed as always, is not the mask he’d presumed at first. Instead, it appears as the still surface of a lake, untouched by any ill or worry. He is more keenly aware of his own unease, concealed though it may be, the longer he gazes on her. Finally, she steps away, moving towards the desk that lies between the table and the door to the captain’s bedchamber, now her own. Elendil turns towards her new position as if his shoulders were tethered to hers.

Forgiven (Isildur x Valandil)

“I don’t need an escort, I’m sure you have many important lieutenant things to do,” Isildur replies, a hint of bitterness in his tone as he wrings water from the hem of his tunic.

Match (Isildur x Valandil)

Valandil unties the neck of his tunic and squints up at Isildur. “You should join me. Clearly you need to cool off.”

[scalpelsister]

its oversharing hour on tumblr. cr3 spoilers below but im not tagging this bc i dont want it in the main tags. (again, really oversharing on this one, don’t reblog obvi haha, but feel free to comment or whatever)

god i have so many thoughts. too many thoughts. i think most people know that I am a laudna stan + have def done my fair share of projecting onto her w/ mental illness (schizophrenia and a little bit o ptsd). Like as part of schizophrenia, I experience cotards- for me specifically I often have both delusions and hallucinations surrounding my body rotting, or about me being undead- this was something that started in my second psychotic episode ~ 2020. I connect with undead characters, especially ones who show any sign of goodness, because I often perceive myself as being literally undead. Seeing an undead character in my favorite show- especially after seeing Sylvanas Windrunner being utterly fucked over and villainized wrongfully- was such a comforting thing for me inherently. Like Laudna was a source of hope for me- shes undead, shes weird, people might judge her for being weird or monstrous, but shes loved so deeply. Like it was a reassurance that people like me could be good and kind and be loved and have friends. That there really was hope for traumatized corpse people after all (again, keep in mind, that the last traumatized corpse person I connected with ended up having the writing team say no actually, shes evil for being a traumatized corpse, and deserves to take her own life and go to hell).

My energy rn is not letting me word things how I want to, but I can’t stress enough how important it was to see an undead who had severe trauma and heard voices in her head and was weird and off putting to most people who didn’t try to get to know her. To see her unashamedly love weird morbid creepy shit and see her embrace at least some of her weirdness. And to then see her be genuinely, deeply loved (esp by another woman. hashtag lesbianism or whatever), and be appreciated for being who she is, not despite of it. Like idk maybe its the trauma / abandonment trauma in me showing, but seeing Imogen go back to her, seeing others be unafraid to share a bed with her, seeing others show concern about HER rather than fear of her when Delilah shit happened. Like the amount of times I’ve opened up about my voices- not even bad things they say, but just having them to be met with ‘are you like... homicidal? like are you going to hurt me?’ or the gem of ‘yeah I care about you but idk if I can trust you now that I know that. You will never be allowed around my future kids if I’m not there, because you’re dangerous. Like thank you for sharing but I’m going to go now and think about it before you hurt me or something’. Like its such a low bar but shes honestly the only character I can even think of or name that wasn’t villainized or hated or otherwise had the narrative imply their life was meaningless / wrong / they where better of dead just for being like me. Like I know this may not connect with many others but its so alienating and isolating to see other people like you demonized again and again and again in fiction and seeing the same message of ‘the death of people like you is worth celebrating’ all over the place. I can’t possible put into words how meaningful it is to have even on character break that mold. To hear /anyone/ much less one of my fave actresses on my fave show (which-has been my favorite since long before I experienced cotards to clarify) that being like this and just being alive and trying to love others regardless was worth celebration. That there is hope and love waiting in the future.

I think thats why her death is hitting me so hard. I just want to see ONE character like me make it to their happy ending. Just one to say that my life doesn’t have to be a tragedy.

And I think thats why people are pissing me off SO BAD by insisting she will come back alive / not undead, that it would so cool and fun to see all of that erased. I don’t want that to be erased. Its utter total bullshit to say it would be more interesting or more impactful to see her ‘properly’ alive and not have voices anymore and forget her loved ones and how much they love her. I want her back as she was. I don’t care if others think shes broken or gross or that she should get to be alive again or whatever. She’s been alive this whole time. She’s had a soul this whole time. There’s nothing fucking wrong with her, stop trying to fix her or uno reverse her being different. It was already interesting and meaningful that she WAS different and that it wont go away and that that’s fucking ok and doesn’t make her worthless or bad or unlovable. Shut the fuck up please.

[stupidsimfairy]

Alright TS4 Community. Let’s Talk.

I have seen an insane amount of backlash and drama still going on even after EA changed their TOS to fit cc creators demands. Drama is inevitable in general, there’s always going to be some sort of drama happening regardless of where it falls on the severity spectrum. ( This post is only about SIMS. Don’t bring other games or content in this, As well as MY OPINION since it is MY blog. Thank You. )

I’m going to be addressing the following:

1. CC creators early access abuse

2. CC creators ignoring EA’s new TOS

3. EA’s decision’s with their TOS being mistakes

4. Egotistical & Victim Mentaility cc creators 

CC creators early access abuse

For background information, EA put out an updated TOS update. One of the main things people immediately started posting about was a permanent ban on all forms of paywalls, permanent, Early access, VIP, etc. This was quickly changed after EA recieved heavy backlash since cc creators were upset. They changed it to a ban on all permanent paywalls whilst early access was now acceptable for a “reasonable amount of time”. Of course most cc creators were quick to jump right back onto the early access train. Because of EA’s limitless time spectrum when it came to early access many people ( non & cc creators ) said that 2-3 weeks max behind a paywall no more than $10 should be the maximum thats considered acceptable. Althought this is an unwritten rule by EA and is one made by the sims fandom, many cc creators chose to ignore the acceptable time frame and chose to go for a month+ behind paywalls. A couple creators i’ve seen have priced their sims cc $20-$70 for a paywall that will never be taken down regardless of what they say. 

Let’s get this straight.

I’m pretty sure i speak for most if not all of the respectable sims community when i say that the 2-3 weeks if any for early access is this MOST it should be. Whilst being charged no more than $10 max. Personally the $5-7 range is the best to go if you’re charging for your cc.

CC creators ignoring EA’s new TOS

I’m sure its no surprise that this is happening as well as not even being talked about much. In reference for background information to the previous point. some CC creators are pretending that they aren’t noticing EA’s TOS or anything thats related to such. EX: ignoring comments, dm’s, tweets, posts, videos, tags, etc. Now, EA has a report a creator system ( which ill link at the end of this whole post ), that actually seems to have been working. EA isnt allowed or is going to go into detail about what they’re going to do with the creators but we’ve seen creators whole pages being completely removed after ignoring EA’s TOS and being reported. There are certain creators continuing overcharged permanent paywalls regardless of what people say or EA in general. I should make this clear that EA is the whole reason why you have a income from these paysites, without sims you would not be able to do what you’re doing. So why disrespect them in such a rude way. Profitting off of EA’s game and listing things in defence such as “ CC creators are using their own designs, their own models, & their own textures “ is such a weird loophole you’ve found around EA’s TOS. Yeah sure they use their own things but they are making them for a game, its not licensed, its not needed for the sims, its not made by EA, its an add on to a game that other fans are creating. If you’ve made or seen YouTube videos about CC you’ll notice that if you want to make a HQ finished product, an easy way that a ton of sims 4 CC creators gatekeep is simply exporting offical sims 4 base-game meshes to Blender from Sims4Studio to keep the weight for their new products. Many sims 4 items are stolen from other games and simply imported and converted to sims and sold to CC consumers. Many people are making more excuses such as maybe the creator doesn’t speak english. Then why’re their posts and replies in full english? Also just so we’re clear EA has a translated page for these rules into many languages, not only that but im 100% sure that many people who speak their native language are talking about this too because they saw it somewhere, people who speak other languages other than english aren’t from another planet where they cant work social media and translators. Trust me. THEY. KNOW. THE. RULES.

Heres My Take.

Sims 4 is and will forever be a game where people make custom content, EA, like any other game company has rules to follow and you must stick to them, If you are wanting income for your work do it fairly or dont do it at all. Nobody, NOT A SOUL is going to pay $60 for mediocre cc you made in a free program that is plain and boring, that is the price of five human t-shirts from a box store during a back to school sale. It’s crazy how they think its okay. You can’t and will not be heard out for your weird loopholes you thought of in the shower during a shower thoughts moment. EA says reasonable amount of time for early access and anything other than that is illegal. THEN thats what it is. Some people act like making a tumblr post about EA’s rules being unreasonable and unfair is going to make EA insantly change their rules to fit their fragile needs. 99% cc creators are fully grown adults with lives of their own, If you are able to get a job and work then do so? instead of scamming kids and young people as well as doxing them for your income.

EA’s decision’s with their TOS being mistakes

EA should have thought what they wanted thoroughly before hitting post in a panic. Making a huge statment of banning all paywalls was an instant drama causer and pissed a lot of people off including CC creators. Many CC creators insantly deleted all their cc out of anger. Now don’t get me wrong the same amount of CC creators altered their blogs and patreons to fit the rules and lifted all paywalls and was incredibly kind to everyone. These kind creators listened and understood that some people can’t afford their prices monthly on such an unstable website such as patreon ( which literally charges you again at the beginning of a month if you bought a subscription at the end of a previous month.. whaaat?? ). This whole situation in itself should have never happened if EA just thought it through a little more and ignored social media press. 

Egotistical & Victim Mentaility cc creators

A dozen CC creators are sitting on very high horses. You aren’t entitled to extreme payment, you arent entitled to having everyone listen to you whine about your pyramid scheme being broken down in the span of a week. It’s really sickened me to see many cc creators i once supported, get aggressive with people who gently confronted them about their ignorance. They either get angry or play the victim and it can be very manipulative for people who dont know how manipulative people get you in their grasp. This is such a huge topic and its very difficult to keep it short because i’m going to make a seperate post prior to this one about this specific topic. But just very breifly i’ve seen a lot of creators post about how they feel they have the right to get angry since its their content and their property whilst being a their only form of income. Another topic ill touch on in the later post is the fact that i’ve seen creators use their disabilities as an excuse for their anger towards EA. Combining all this together the one thing ill say now is that no matter what their excuses or reactions are towards this situation it will always be a “okay?” situation. I’m disabled myself and i would never bring up something like that in order to manipulate people into feeling bad. Yes it sucks for you if you are disabled that this was once a stable form of income but its now not and instead of being insanely rude to people who dont control EA’s TOS find something else to get paid for. Many including myself have made posts about how CC creators can get income without paywalling or breaking TOS. I suggest you look at other things you can do instead of pumping mediocre overpriced paywalled CC out like a factory.

Conclusion 

Before you get irritated with me for voicing my opinions take into consideration that you are doing the exact same thing. Im a autistic person with a learning disability on top of other physical and mental illnesses and im not going to use it to get sympathy from people to gain attention. I SUGGEST you do the same. I’m in no way hating on every person in the community, 99% of these takes are aimed directly at problematic CC creators. 

I’ll make a part 2 to this post as well as a seperate post for point 4 in a later date talking about the problematic CC creators that i’ve seen ( racism, anti-LGBTQ, abelism, abuse, manipulation, scamming, illegal activity & more. )

Report A Creator:

To report Mods, give us the details right here on EA Help:

Click Contact Us from any page on EA Help.

Select The Sims 4. If needed, use the search bar to find the game.

Select your Platform.

For Topic, select Report concerns or harassment.

For Issue, choose Report website.

We recommend logging in to your EA Account.

[endexe]

It is extremely heartbreaking when you acknowledge the fact that in some timelines, [ redacted ] can completely forget about anyone xe interacts with at any time, or at least some to most significant memories xe had made with them, when, not only would xe had been around for a massive amount of time for xyr brain to no longer grasp old and / or new memories well, but also, xe would go through many serious to traumatic events that would negatively impact xyr brain. It is quite easy for xem to forget other great to small details that occurred in xyr life, such as how xe went to a special event a few years to even what xe would eat for breakfast today.

Xyr memories are generally known to be extremely fragmented to the point that xe can sometimes feel and think that the memories xe can remember doesn’t actually belong to xem and believes that xe, without realizing, happen to copy after people’s memories so xe can have something to feel connected with an item, place, or person that xe had lost before. ( This can be an actual case as well, as xe may create false experiences either as an attempt to form a connection with someone xe interacts with, or xe wants to feel like xe can be part of something as well. ) Either it leads to xem holding that belief or experiencing a dissociative episode.

Therefore, there is a common pattern across [ redacted ]’s variants that R would try everything xe can to help xem remember the people xe interacts with better, from associating them with certain senses ( sights, smells, touches, etcetera ), to making songs about them and singing them, do art of them often, and so forth. Any of these methods can help xem to at least some degree, though for some of xyr variants nevertheless, from everything xe would face and how they would affect xyr brain and memory processing, there is still a likelihood that xe would forget a lot of important memories of them, if not completely forgetting about them.