#death of loved one

[unnocturnal]

guess whos on his shane/elliot bullshit because of a sudden epiphany. this stupid bitch

*!! = content warnings

thinkjng aboht these two depressed fucks finding the spark of life again together makes me 😳😳😳😳

liiiikeee elliot writing poems about shane whenever he sees him and keeps them to himself… until one day… maybe he accidentally sends it off… or shane finds it…. and hes like “wtf who would write this about me” because he believes hes deeply unlovable and meanwhile elliots like oh god oh fuck he saw it OH GOD OH FUCK and is shaking his bestie leah about it while she fully knows they pine after each other but are both so convinced they don’t deserve love that they don’t try to approach the other and she has to play match maker

omg and then elliot teaching the kids english and stuff and jas plays with his hair on breaks and shane picks her up one day to see her decorating his hair with flowers and stuff and wonders why his heart skips a beat

like wowwww hes pretty and charming and good with kids. crazy

they dont cross paths often but i swear they probably also eye each other at the saloon

shane wallowing in self doubt and keeping his distance since he doesn’t wanna approach when leah is around but elliot is too nervous to be by himself when shane’s around

shane hears elliot play the piano one day and just casually brings it up one time at the saloon

he absolutely fucks up the compliment tho so elliot has no idea if he’s saying he’s bad or not but shane kinda goes “i played when i was younger, but i don’t think i was really made for it. my fingers are too stubby” but elliot kinda goes “what do u mean ur hands are really nice” without thinking and theyre both like !1?2?1?1 but shanes like “bro ur joking. look at ur hands theyre nice and long and slender mine are just made for manual labor” and elliots like 😳 he said my hands are nice but also goes “so? just because I have long fingers doesn’t mean I’m automatically a pro. it’s about nurturing a skill, and using the tools youve got, yknow?” and shanes like damn. thats deep. ofc its gonna be deep its coming from a writer duh dum dum anyway but hes like “…yeah” and they get quiet a bit, before elliot kind of shyly proposes, “were you… interested in getting back into it?” shane pauses and is like, “… why not, beats sitting at home doing nothing on my time off.” so then they have weekly piano lessons where elliot re-teaches the piano to shane and may or may not intentionally brush hands as they practice. *!! (warning: mild kink warning) elliots the kind of teacher that uses positive feedback so shanes sitting here. in his praise kink era like. GODDAMN. DO NOT GET A CHUB. and totes has to hold in shivers when elliot whispers by his ear some instructions >:) elliots surprised at how fast shane picks things up and is actually rlly impressed he remembers alot still and just needs practice, thinks hes pretty intelligent and charming but obvi shane doesnt think the same way ab himself cuz he thinks he’s pathetic and thinks elliot is wayyyy out of his league

GOD and then they also think theyre too old for love (even though i hc them as late 20s, mid 30s) since they both kiiiinda peaked in highschool with shane and his gridball days and elliot as a theatre kid and both had some whirlwind romances at that young age that end terribly and made them jaded about love and their self worth… the way they really open up to each other initially is when they get drunk and talk about their shitty lives like how *!! (warning: mention of death of loved one, unhealthy coping mechanisms) shane lost both his best friends in the same car crash that killed his gridball career by giving him a life changing injury and is dealing with their loss while also trying to take care of jas and give her the life his bffs wouldve wanted for her and hes struggling to even be there for himself let alone her and he feels so insecure about being a father to her and how bad she must feel to have a dad like him and how worthless of a human being he is

or like how elliot was born into a family of overachievers and everyone’s done something. he lives in the shadow of his family’s legacy and he’s so so scared of being mediocre. he’s the second oldest amongst his siblings but he feels like he hasn’t accomplished anything when his siblings are famous actors, researchers, artists, and engineers. his father is a wildly successful entrepreneur and his mother is an astronaut. his uncle is out filming documentaries at the bottom of the ocean and his grandmother revolutionized the textile industry. he has so much to live up to and so little time, he had to run away to a small little town to just… breathe. be himself. of the two, elliot has already began to try to improve himself and how he views his worth, and he helps shane realize the same thing for himself. to not be afraid to ask for help. to not be afraid to admit you need help. to take baby steps. to take a step backwards. to not feel guilty about not be at your best 24/7. non linear healing. and all the while they deepen their bond they fall deeper in love and it all culminates when they get caught outside the rain together near the library and just… lean in. 👀

GOD I LOVE THEM

[theartistaslisalee]

I have been offline since last June due to Mom's health decline and eventual passing just this weekend. Once I pick up the pieces and get back on my feet I will resume my regularly scheduled Twitch streams and other art-related endeavors. Life is too short and unrelenting, spend as much time as you can with your loved ones especially you parents, give them your love and leave no room for regrets later. Peace be with you all.

[fabshroom]

An "analysis" of my playlists to grief Technoblade's passing

The best way I can express/share my emotions is through music so it was pretty natural for me to make a playlist after watching "so long nerds". For some reason I want to share it and explain why I added certain songs to the playlist. Songs in no particular order (also apologies for wonky punctuation, I'm trying my best).

I want put some triggers here (just in case because I know there are many new users on Tumblr and they might not have blocked tags yet): cancer, death, death of a relative/death of a loved one, thoughts of death, depression, bad mental health (if I'm missing something let me know)

1. Wrecked by Imagine Dragons

(Funfact, when I first listened to the song I didn't like it a lot but after my brain started to connect it with Techno I listened to it on loop. Also the album released on the 1st of July)

"Days pass by and my eyes stay dry, and I think that I'm okay 'til I find myself in conversation fading away"

I honestly think this is pretty self explanatory. For most days I feel okay and think I'm finally healing but then all the grief strucks me again and I feel like on day one.

"The time you took to teach me all that you had taught, tell me, how am I supposed to move on?"

Self explanatory as well. Techno taught us as a fandom so much but also on an individual level he changed my life to the better and taught me so much.

"these days I'm becoming everything that I hate, wishing you were around but now it's too late"

I hate this state of griefing because I never really learned how to deal with my emotions and most of the time when the grief gets strong I just feel paralyzed. I know that it's okay and it's important to take breaks but my brain is telling me that it's stupid to grief him because I never actually knew him. (Gotta love parasocial grief /sarc). I just wish he was still here.

"I'm a wreck without you here, I'm a wreck since you've been gone. I've tried to put this all behind me. I think I was wrecked all along"

This one is a more personal one. Techno's death struck me hard, and I think it was not only because I enjoyed his content, but I also felt incredibly safe and somehow understood consuming his content and in his community, and the last time I felt that safe was in the presence of my grandma. She died 2016 to CJD and her passing struck me very hard and was possibly (one of the) reason for my mental health going downhill very quickly. And after losing her a few weeks after discovering her illness, losing Techno in a realtively short span of time as well hurt so much and took me back to a 2016 place of mind. (Luckily I now have a great support system around me and am generally alright)

"they say that time will heal it, the pain will go away, but everything, it reminds me of you and it comes in waves"

Pretty self-explanatory as well. It's been four months and I don't feel different at all. There were like two weeks were I really thought it got better and I survived the first four stages of grief but then I found myself back at stage one and two the next day. It comes in waves, some days are better and some are worse, some days are a weird in-between. But that is okay, you can't just go back to normal after such a loss.

"These days when I'm on the brink of the edge, remember the words you said, remember the life you led"

Everytime I feel down because of his passing I try to just remember the positive things he taught us, I just try to remember the good times we had as a community and most of the time it helps.

"You'd say 'Oh suck it all up, don't get stuck in the mud thinking of the things you should have done"

Yea this is just Techno. I don't think he would want us to get stuck in this place of mind. He would want us to be happy and remember the positive things in life.

"Sometimes I wish I could see you one more day but I can't"

I don't think I can add anything here. I just wish he was here for another day (or two, or three or just a long and happy life)

2. No Surprises by Radiohead

(the main reason I have this on my playlists is one specific tiktok post)

"Bruises that won't heal"

Every time I think about him it feels like the impact is hitting me again with the same strength, like an ever lasting bruise that always gets refreshed and won't fully heal.

"Bring down the government. They don't, they don't speak for us"

Our favourite anarchist c!Techno

"Such a pretty house and such a pretty garden, no alarms and no surprises, [...], please"

This is mainly a personal thing and isn't a reason why the song is in the playlist, but I still fits because it reminds me of the 1st of July. I woke up for school and checked my phone after my first alarm (I have like 6 every morning) and saw Techno uploaded. The euphoria of a new upload woke me up instantly (even tho the euphoria turned into nausea real quick). I didn't need more alarms and I most certainly hoped for no more surprises that day. A few hours later I was sitting at brunch in the garden of a friend and she, in fact, has a pretty house and a pretty garden.

3. Mr. Forgettable by David Kusher

(this song honestly reminds me more of my grandma than Techno but as said above, they both have a special place in my heart)

"I know that you're waiting for me like a dog, but have some patience for the part of me that's lost"

For some morbid reason this just reminds me of "so long nerds". We really waited for a new video like dogs, but not for that kind of video. We lost him that day, but he still lives on in our hearts, our minds and especially in our community.

"There's been a hundred times when I don't recognize any of you that love me, I try to memorize and identify but it's all getting foggy"

In this context it's more about his size as a content creator that actual memory loss, but I feel like Techno tried to make us all feel welcomed in his community. I just hope he knew how much we all loved him.

4. Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush

(It was the third song I added because I had it stuck for the whole morning after watching the video)

"If I only could, I'd make a deal with God and I'd get him to swap our places"

Sometimes I wished I could trade places with Techno so he could be here, alive and happy. The amount of grief in the world would have been way smaller but not really less significant. (This is more or less /nsrs, I know it's not possible and doesn't really make sense but I just want him back)

5. when the party's over by Billie Eilish

(this song song a totally different connotation than the original in the context of my playlists, it's more specific lines that struck me)

"But nothing ever stops you leaving"

We couldn't save him and sometimes I'm really frustrated about it but I know that there was just too much up against us. There was no way we could have made the situation better but it still hurt to see him leave. I felt so little and powerless from the day we knew his diagnosis.

"I could lie, say I like it like that"

I know this sounds bad! But I'm really over-interpreting this part, for me it's more the fact that I barely told anyone that knows me irl. I just tried to push it away and deal with the grief alone. I lied and said I'm okay even tho I was in a totally different place of mind.

"Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own"

Even when I had the support online I felt lost and alone when I came home. I didn't know how and if I should tell my parents. I wanted their emotional support but I didn't know where to start, they don't even know Technoblade existed. In the end I talked to my therapist about it a few weeks later (and she was very facinated by me mourning over a complete stranger, if she only knew there were and are millions who do).

"Once we've both said our goodbyes, let's just let it go, let me let you go"

He said goodbye but I'm not quite ready. I don't know if I will ever be. I don't want to let him go.

6. Injustice by CG5

(This is a short one; it's about c!Techno so yeah. You'll still get some of my favourite lines tho)

"I've been living and fighting in this war of life but it doesn't matter how hard I try, while heroes die, new tyrants rise"

Guess this is pretty obvious?

"history repeats itself over and over"

I think this was the line that really made me add the song to the playlist, made me think of my grandma

7. Meteor Shower by Cavetown

(I really, really love this song)

"making up problems that don't exist, why do I let myself dream like this"

Often I feel like I just obsess over something too much and like don't have my true feelings anymore? It's hard to explain in English. And sometimes I dream and hope that he just shows up again but I know he won't.

"there's nothing you or I can do, so let the stars fall"

We as a community were just powerless, I think Techno knew how the chances for him were but he still raised a bunch of money so people who come after have better chances.

"I'd sell my own bones for sapphire stones 'cause blue's your favourite colour"

As far as I'm aware Technoblade's favourite colour was blue. This line is the reason I added the song to the playlist. I was building a monument in Minecraft after his passing and looked up his favourite colour for decorations & it said blue.

8. Watching Him Fade Away by Mac DeMarco

(makes me feel like crying 90% of the time)

"And even though we barely knew each other, it still hurts watching watching him fade away"

I can't really add more than what the lines already say. I didn't know him but it still hurt, it was a totally knew feeling for me to lose someone so close but unfamiliar.

"The thought of him no longer being around, well, sure it would be sad, but not really different"

His death shouldn't really change my life since I didn't really know him, but he still had an impact on me. It is sad that we lost him but at the same time it's not...really different?

9. Slipping Through My Fingers by Abba/Meryl Streep

"I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness and I have to sit down for a while"

The news were like a punch in my stomach and I suddenly felt really numb and distance to the actual world, again reminds me of my grandma passing.

"The feeling that I'm losing her forever and without really entering her world"

We are losing him forever and for most of us, he wasn't aware of our existence as an individual and that's okay, I mean, he had like 10 million subs. But I know he'd still appreciate each and every single one of us.

"Slipping through my fingers all the time, ai try to capture every minute"

I feel like especially over the last year we tried to catch every minute we got with him, even when he was saying he's doing better, I didn't want to miss anything, just in case.

"then when she's gone, there's that odd melancholy feeling and a sense of guilt I can't deny"

Some days I feel like I didn't do enough but I know there is nothing I could have done.

"what happened to all those wonderful adventures? The places I had planned for us to go?"

Sometimes I wonder what else he had planned, not only for dsmp lore but also other content. What comedy gems did we miss?

"Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture and save it from the funny tricks of time"

I don't want to forget one good minute I had enjoying his content and interacting with the community. I wish I could just have it all in a photo album to look at in a few years.

10. Atlantis by Seafret

(this song makes me feel like crying as well, I just want to scream it)

"tell me why this has to end" and "I can't save us, my Atlantis, we fall"

I still don't really want to believe it's over and I wish there was a way we could have saved him. Losing him sent many into a free fall (and I really hope everyone was able to catch themselves again)

"the hurt just leaves me scared, osing everything I've ever known, It's all become too much, maybe I'm not built for love"

About history repeating itself. Now I'm even more scared of creating emotinal attachments to someone again because it never ended well for them.

11. Thank You by Dido

(only recently added this and don't know the song well, I'm honestly looking at the full lyrics for the first time rn)

"I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all"

I'm really glad I got the news from the video and not over Twitter or friends who texted me to check up on me, but sometimes I wonder what would have changed if I would have stayed in bed a bit longer that day and didn't have time to watch the video before class?

"but your picture on my wall, it reminds me that it's not so bad"

The Fanart on my wall reminds me of him and makes me remember that life isn't too bad.

"and I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life"

His content meant a lot to me and everyone else in the community. He brightened up so many days.

"and all I see is you"

This is a "everywhere I go I see his face" kinda moment. Not only social media was full of him for the first days but many things just reminded me of him (I took so many pictures of sunsets this summer.)

12. Everybody Hurts by R.E.M.

(this song was randomly playing while I was reading some Reddit posts from Technodad and was just like "that's us" and added it)

"when you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on, don't let yourself go 'cause everybody cries"

As you probably know at this point I have a hard time expressing my emotions and even when I'm alone I have a hard time crying. Like my eyes wet and I feel like crying but nothing happens, it's terrible tbh. After the video I didn't really cry, I just felt numb. It took the 9 year anniversary video for his channel to make me cry and I mean full on sobbing on the floor crying. Had to stop after like 4 minutes and take a break. I think it clicked that day and I have to say that (after that day) I started to feel better and even the harder days aren't as bad anymore.

"everybody hurts sometimes, sometimes everything is wrong"

I kinda see this as the collective mourning we experience. For all of us something feels wrong now, we're all hurt.

"take comfort in your friends"

My friends and this community were really important to me, especially in the first few days. I don't know if I could have handled the situation that "well" without my friends and you guys.

13. In the Stars by Benson Boone

"I'm screaming at a God, I don't know if I believe in 'cause I don't know what else I can do"

Based on true events. I don't believe in God but if I had a nickel for everytime I prayed to a God I don't believe in after the death of a loved one I would have two nickels which isn't a lot but its weird that it happened twice

"I'm still holding on to everything that's dead and gone, I don't wanna say goodbye, 'cause this one means forever"

Again, I don't want to say goodbye, I don't want to forget and I'm scared to forget because of my kind of object permanence. I'm scared that I will forget once I'm done mourning.

"it hurts so hard for a million different reasons"

We all have our own reasonings behind being hurt by what happened, some are individual, some are shared by the whole community.

14. The 30th by Billie Eilish

(this song makes me feel like crying as well, brings me close to tears every time)

"even then you looked so pretty, in a hospital bed"

This reminds me of the picture of him in his bed or the hospital bed and the Playbutton. It was one of the first propper images we got of him and it has a special place in my heart.

"I remember you said you were scared, and so was I"

I don't actually know if he was scared, but I can imagine he was. And we were so scared when the news first came out, like I know we were all like "he's gonna kick cancers ass" but I believe many of us were really, really scared and overwhelmed.

"Usually, I don't panic, I just wanted to be on time"

Again the day where we found out. I had school that morning and I was conflicted between taking my time with processing the news and going to class. I went to class in the and (and I honestly think it was the right desicion and stopped me from spiraling for at least a few more hours)

"If you changed anything, would you not have survived? You're alive, you're alive, you're alive"

This just makes me sad because for us it's the complete opposite. Would he still be alive if they found it sooner? Would it have changed anything?

15. Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens

(I think this song is pretty obvious since it is about cancer, so I'll try and leave out that part of commenting, just look it up, most of my interpretation is just the original meaning)

"What could I have said to raise you from the dead?"

I wish we could bring him back somehow.

"we're all gonna die"

Sometimes I forget how mortal we all are, and how quickly one's life can end, even of they don't have an accident.

"was it all a disguise, like junior high? Where everything was fiction, future, and prediction"

I'm pretty certain Techno was trying to downplay the situation and severity to protect us because I think we would have been really devastated if he would have lost his confidence.

"Did you get enough love, my little dove? Why do you cry?"

This just makes me think about found family fanfictions (and I'm a sucker for found family and technoblade centric Fanfics)

"Make the most of your life, while it is rife, while it is light"

This could be something Techno would tell us when we're sad about someone's passing. I think he would want us to keep going and do what we enjoy.

16. Funeral by Phoebe Bridgers

(A friend of mine posted the first two quotes I'll add in their story and I just instantly felt like this song should go into the playlist)

"I've been taking to his dad, it made me so sad"

I love reading Technodad's Reddit posts and learn more about Techno as a person outside of YouTube but it also makes me feel miserable.

"When I think too much about it I can't breathe"

Thinking about the events make me feel like I'm just trapped somewhere, not really numb but just like... squished.

"And I have this dream where I'm screaming underwater while all my friends are waving from the shore"

When we first found out I felt incredibly alone in real life. Online I got all that support and people mourning with me but in real life I was the only one. My friends were kind of there for me but they didn't know him so they couldn't really help besides comforting me a bit.

"Jesus Christ, I'm so blue all the time and that's just how I feel, always have and always will"

Techno wasn't there when I was at my lowest point, because I didn't know him back then, but he still helped me getting more stable in life and with my emotions, and on darker days he still distracted me. It was a throwback when he died but I'm okay, even tho this constant sadness still clings onto me, weak but it's there.

"Wishing I was someone else, feeling sorry for myself, when I remembered someone's kid is dead"

Sometimes the thought of me overreacting appears because compared to the pain of others I'm having a good life, but I've learned that the pain of others shouldn't make me invalidate my own.

17. TV by Billie Eilish

(this is pretty far fetched but it just makes me emotional okay?)

"I don't wanna talk right now, I just wanna watch TV"

Talking about it is fucking hard, I still haven't told my parents, even though it happend five months ago.

"I'll stay in the pool and drown so I don't have to watch you leave"

No because I think everything would be easier than knowing he won't come back.

"Maybe I should get some sleep"

Idk what to say about this line, it just resonates with me.

"Don't know where you are right now"

I just hope you're somewhere, feeling happy and healthy.

"And I'll be in denial for at least a little while, what about the plans we made?"

I think these are the lines that made me add the song to the playlist. I don't want to accept it, it's fucking hard.

18. Enterlude & Exitlude by The Killers

I think you can all guess why this is here

"We hope you enjoy your stay, it's good to have you with us, even if it's just for the day"

The way I sobbed when I heard this for the first time. I'm really glad Technodad shared this with us, even if it wasn't in So Long Nerds.

"Outside the sun is shining"

Reminds me of how the news really made my day hard, even when everything else when well that day and it was really good weather.

"It seems like heaven ain't far away"

I really love this line because we didn't really expect it to happen so soon...or at all. And it just kinda pulled me back and reminded me to enjoy the little things and interactions in life.

"Regrettably time's come to send you on your way"

Wasn't ready to let him go, but we have to (at least at some point).

"It doesn't even matter, don't you worry, it'll all work out"

This was (and still is) so comforting for me to hear, typing this part almost 10 months later and it still helps me a lot to listen this verse.

19. Yes to Heaven by Lana Del Rey

This song just touches my heart in a spot I didn't know it needed to be touched.

"If you dance, I'll dance and if you don't, I'll dance anyway"

Techno was a role model to some of us or just helped us through tough times but now we have to continue fighting without him being at our side.

"Give peace a chance, let the fear you have fall away"

Again about letting him go, fighting through anxiety and negativity, finding peace after all that happened.

"I've got my eye on you"

I see it both in us looking after each other and looking after Techno and Technodad as well as them looking after us.

"If you go, I'll stay. If you come back, I'll be right here"

I would have waited for him, but I'm also staying here.

" 'cause I got my mind on you"

Most of the time, no matter where I am he comes back to my mind. It's the little reminders, the little thoughts that pull me back down into grief.

"And if you fight, I'll fight"

About him being our teacher in so many things. I'll continue fighting, even now he's gone.

"It doesn't matter, now it's all gone"

Sometimes it feels like it doesn't matter anymore, but it does. It does matter a lot and I just hope things get better.

Thank you for reading!

Wow this took longer than I expected, but I really liked it. Helped me phrasing my emotions a bit. I hope it helped some of you as well, even if it's just in the form of finding a new song you like or finding comfort.

Again if I missed any tags please let me know, don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable.

Take care guys.

[hearth-fucker]

It's weird the way we can have a little digital monument to passed loved ones. Looking at my followers list on tumblr It's mostly people from my college and dead accounts, which is fine. People drift away from mostly dead blogging sites. But I know one of those dead accounts is a dead friend. And I miss her.

[noknowshame]

why is religious Christmas imagery all so joyful and pleasant? where is the inherent horror of the birth of Christ? A mother is handed her newborn child, wailing and innocent. Her hands come away sticky. Red. Simply by giving her son life she has already killed him. He is doomed from the beginning. Her love will not save him from suffering. Because the thing cradled in her arms is not a baby, it is a sacrifice: born amongst the other bleating animals whose blood will one day be spilled in the name of what demands it. the night is silent with anticipation. Mary, did you know? That your womb was also a grave?

[acupunctures]

Planting Season

Seed I would spend hours out among the collection of Arkansas pines that hugged the eastern edge of the property, breathing in their ethereal presence that seemed imbued with a bygone, forbidden magic. Instead of unloading the semi, assembling the dining table and chairs, doing anything to further the idea that you and I were now permanent, stationary creatures trying out that thing called…

[norvicensiandoran]

[lazylittledragon]

you know what fuck it we’re doing dadstarion

[learamorris-clark]

Panic Attacks and Tarot Cards: a book review and recommendation

I just started reading a new book and I realized that it is the second one in a row that has a main character managing panic attacks after the loss of loved one(s). I thought I should mention them in case anyone is interested in this particular mental health challenge. Both books have main characters that use tarot cards as well, in case that’s your thing (may or may not be relevant). Both books…

[stil-lindigo]

the fox god.

a comic about a trickster.

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creative notes:

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all my other comics

store

[babydarkstar]

honestly no wonder harrow forced ianthe to lobotomize her so she could save gideon. listen…LISTEN…if i was a secret-war-crime cult nunlet princess worshipped by my entire planet and the only person that (barely) kept me in check was my childhood nemesis—a butch a year older than me, towering over me in stature and physical prowess, and so hot it made my teeth hurt from how hard my jaw clenched in her presence, who wielded a two-handed seven-foot sword and had irritatingly huge biceps and told very lewd stupid jokes and also learned how to wield an entirely new weapon and be my bodyguard with startling accuracy in three months—only to have us finally learn to trust each other because we got invited to a magic murder mystery and then before the bubble burst i spilled the worst secret about myself that i was born because my parents murdered an entire generation and tried to Kill Her along with them and she just wouldnt die, and i told her this expecting a swift death i believed i deserved, only for her to fucking cradle me in her big butch arms and kiss me on my forehead with her soft butch mouth and just. forgive me for a shameful weight ive carried my entire life and then MAKE AN ACTUAL NECRO/CAV VOW with me despite every evil thing i have done to her……to have her tell me, in the end, bleeding and broken after putting up the most beautiful and glorious fight of her life, that she understands purpose and she understands duty and she knows loyalty more fiercely than ever now, that she knows who she is to me, that there is no her without me….to have her backed into a corner and make the ultimate sacrifice…..for me…..to recite scriptural wedding vows of eternity to me in her last wisps of soul-consciousness…..if i thought there was even a snowflake’s chance in the pyre that i could save her by turning myself into her very own locked tomb, i’d be begging ianthe tridentweirdius to crack my skull open and turn me to mush too, goddamn. i understand you harrowhark girl you don’t have to explain a thing to me. god said you couldn’t undo the lyctor’s bond bc it’d kill you. you told god and his angels that not even a lyctor’s bond could outshine the power of female spite and lesbianism and they didn’t listen. they didn’t believe you. but i heard you loud and clear and i was 17 and hormonal and hopelessly romantic not too long ago unlike those fucking dinosaurs and i’m saying it’s valid it’s what i would have done and really everyone should be thanking you for not being worse and more wretched about it, all things considered

[egophiliac]

don't think I'm not still deep in the episode 7 brainrot. because OH BOY AM I

(also one more extremely, obnoxiously self-referential thing, I'm -- I'm so sorry)

[mumblesplash]

in honor of last season’s poem being called “”end poem”” (all quotes mandatory) this season i made one out of pieces of the actual end poem

[haunthouse]

todays wikipedia rabbit hole has gone some places

[dwuerch-blog]

Camp Brave Heart

Don’t you just love that title? It is more than a title. It is a place of hope and refuge. My friend asked if I’d like to volunteer with him to help with getting children and teens off to their summer camp. I wasn’t hesitant at all, but WOW, did I get a boatload of inspiration when those kids were making their way to our table to register them. The parents and children from ages 6-17 started…

[ofmd-ann]

I'm Your Captain!