WELCOME TO PHIO'S EXTREMELY SELF INDULGENT AU HOUR!!!
"Oh, FINALLY, another visitor! It's so quiet in here, it's unnerving..."
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This AU was meant to be posted on halloween but eh.... Happy Thanksgiving? HAHAHHA
still dont have a name for it, but basically, back in october i was suddenly hit with the need to have a halloween au, so now we have ghost-ified prismo and vampire/witch-ified scarab :D ( although didnt finish the scarab reference spread in time because uh, school and i lost motivation unfortunately )
au synopsis and rambling below the cut!!
the premise of this au is simple : scarab is a real estate agent whos known for his manners ( never barges in, always waits to be invited! though it is a little weird how he keeps asking to be let inside even if they already agreed that he was going to come over... ) and efficiency at his job - that is, convincing people to buy high-end housing for a good price. although his social skills need some... work, his ability to persuade people isnt something to be laughed at.
unfortunately for him, persuading the higher-ups is a completely different story - which he learned the hard way after flunking something big for the company. they dont choose to fire him, no. instead, they put him through a trial, assigning him to sell their most unprofitable property : the mansion in a small town locally known for being haunted by an "evil spirit". if scarab manages to sell it (for good profit) within six months, he is excused and is able to go on with his job. if not... well, best not to think about it, yes? after all, he'll succeed with ease - all he has to do is dispel any worries about some fake "ghost" that only exists as a result of filthy rumors. maybe clean up the place. not too hard, right?
meanwhile, stuck inside said mansion is an extremely bored prismo. hes been hangin around this place for like... how many years now? forty? a hundred? meh, all the same, lately the place has been quieter than usual. i mean- of course people dont just walk into a creepy mansion every day, but there would usually be at least a few bold kids or vloggers coming in now and then for him to entertain but even then they wouldn't stay long ( for obvious reasons ). and now, just some unbound spirits or dumb animals would pass by and thats about it. a guy can only entertain himself for so long, yknow?
that is, until today. when some posh-looking business man entered the premises and started snooping around ( whats the deal with that, by the way?? ). must be prismo's lucky day!! this is the perfect chance to pull out all the stops and play the FUNNIEST prank ever! hah!
... oh. looks like things've gotten a little out of hand.
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WOOT WOOT WOOTTTTTTTTTTT!!! im so so happy to finish this because ohhhhh my god this has taken ages for no reason other than the fact that ive been really dragging myself to make presentable art JSNDJSJXNSJX.... i realize that i have never worked in real estate ( or at all ) which means i have probably fucked something up but uhh um ill deal with the backlash later :"D im also realizing how many odd unanswered bits and bobs this au is going to have in the future, which... i am ignoring for the most part for now, but there are SOME things that i DO have figured out like ghost lore... but thats for another time, for now i leave you with this >:)
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I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain
Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it
i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)
really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!
undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.
i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.
people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.
peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.
it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."
so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.
people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.
autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.
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inspired by a hetalia piece of mine i found yesterday. this is actually lowkey kinda long i didn’t mean to do that
mc eating solomon’s cooking
you are hungry.
you KNEW you shouldn’t have turned down satan’s offer of lunch at hell’s kitchen but you were so exhausted and you mistakenly thought there would be food in the kitchen
you should’ve known better. smh.
someone needs to go shopping because there is only a stick of butter and an identified plastic container with something purple inside
not you tho you’re dirt poor. flat broke, even. pockets empty, wallet lined with dust
your stomach growls. your eyes dart between the unidentifiable substance and the stick of butter. the idea of eating butter makes you physically gag, so you turn to the container
the container has a note with “solomon’s” attached to it, and then a bigger note in belphie’s handwriting next to it
why are you clarifying it’s yours. everyone knows. nobody is taking it. WHY IS IT IN OUR FRIDGE
you’ve never actually had solomon’s cooking before
yeah there was that dinner where the pair of you cooked different dishes from the human world, but everyone was voicing their disapproval before you could try it, so you just didn’t.
it IS solomon’s though, so you decide to have a little. just a little. he won’t even notice that someone’s been into it.
pulling the container out of the fridge, you scoop a little bit into a bowl. it’s not quite as watery as you expected- in fact, it reminds you a little of mud. a deep purple mud with stuff inside.
hey, this is capsicum (bell pepper)! where’d he get this from? okay, now you have to try it- finding such difficult ingredients must mean it’s worth eating, right? right???
do you heat it up or just eat it cold… you decide you’re in the mood for a hot meal and open the microwave, shoving the substance inside
(“uh actually the house of lamentation doesn’t have a microwave” if u don’t think they’d get one because mc mentioned it once in a conversation you’re severely wrong)
pulling it out and now it’s bubbling. but like the bubbles are so slow in popping the surface because of how thick the purple stuff is
you lift your spoon. are you having second thoughts? coward behaviour. truly a wimp. you can jump in front of lucifer on a rampage but you behave like this in front of food? cowering before what could vaguely be described as soup?
apprehensively, you put the spoon in your mouth and swallow. if you spit it out you might stain the carpet
“oh.”
a pause.
“oh, what the fuck?!”
this is GOOD.
you slurp down the rest, now rather mad. everyone else was going on about how it was the worst thing they’d ever had, and you’d just believed them?! you are NEVER making that mistake again,
you moan embarrassingly loud. thank god nobody else is left in the house because how would you explain to them that solomon’s cooking is so amazing that you are involuntarily making noises
if it was just one person, you’d think they were just lying so they could have more for themselves. but it was everyone, which is probably why you were so convinced in the first place
lesson learnt; demons and angels have weak tastebuds, because you’re going back to the kitchen for seconds.
as the microwave heats up the bowl, your D.D.D. buzzes. it’s lucifer asking about your activities- you tell him you’re having a snack before studying
he says he didn’t know there was any food left in the house
you decide to ignore this last message because the microwave beeps and you go back to scarfing it down, sating your stomach and silencing its growls
“shit.”
“he won’t even notice it’s been eaten,” - you, about half an hour ago
IT’S ALL GONE?? HOW HAVE YOU EATEN THE WHOLE THING AND NOT EVEN NOTICED??
HOW ARE YOU GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO SOLOMON??
well you ate it all, so the least you can do is clean it, you suppose…
later that night, when everyone is back, and someone has gone shopping, solomon comes sauntering through the door and opens the fridge
“wh- who ate my soup? did you guys feed my cooking to the rats again?”
satan doesn’t look up from his book. “yeah, like anyone would eat YOUR cooking.”
you sink a little into your chair, suddenly becoming very interested in devilgram
“mc might tolerate your petty little comments, satan, but none of that changes the fact that there is no soup in this container that i specifically put in here. look, belphie even wrote a note!”
mc might- you stifle a laugh as your favourite cat fan scowls. asmo and mammon are not quite as successful as you. belphie stirs from his sleep, and mumbles something like “get it out of our fridge…”
solomon sighs. “i’m not mad, i just wanna know. mc?”
you don’t answer. maybe he’ll move on? yes? yes?
“hellooo? mc?”
no. okay, out with the truth then
“i ate it! i’m sorry, solomon! i got really hungry and there was seriously like no food left in the house, so it was between a stick of butter and your cooking, and i thought i’d take a risk, and i only wanted a little bit but it was so good and i accidentally ate the whole thing-”
you can feel your eyes welling up with tears at the thought of solomon getting mad- or even worse, being disappointed- at you. you cross your fingers and hope that he forgives you,
you totally miss the horrified and disgusted looks from the brothers. even belphie has properly woken up at this point to stare at you in disbelief
“well, mc, if that isn’t one of the most romantic things i’ve ever been told,”
what.exe
container forgotten, he comes around to your spot on the couch. puts a hand on your cheek and just pretends the others are not there
staring into his eyes helps you to drown out mammon, who knows how he’s doing it
uses his thumb to brush away your tears, there’s a small smirk on his face but would he really be solomon without it
he kisses you quickly and gently
when i tell you. the room goes into absolute UPROAR
mammon rips him away from you, that boy is dragging him away to who knows where in the house. belphie and satan are following, you suspect solomon is going to be taught a lesson he won’t forget
“if i cook more for you, i can have more kisses, right?” he calls out- mammon’s frown grows deeper
“okay!” you call back, your cheeks warm and a giddy smile on your face that simply just won’t go away
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