#i have….6 hours? maybe? it’ll probably be more like 8 hours

[snowangeldotmp3]

i’m road-tripping today, so if y’all feel like it, please send some asks so i don’t die of boredom 😔 it can be about anything! ronance, wenclair, book recommendations, whatever!!

[wttcsms]

WAIT DON'T CLOSE IT YET!!!!! the 'love story told in untraditional format' prompt and DABI??? mm.

would like to meet, touya todoroki ;

pairing touya 'dabi' todoroki x f!reader word count 1.9k synopsis the dregs of society run rampant on hinge, and everyone knows you're not going to meet The One on there. but you know the saying... love does come when you least expect it. alternatively: catching feelings through the hinge dms. content contains one reference to jumping off a building, some sexual jokes author's notes OK not necessarily a love story, but there are feelings in involved, i swear. this is supposed to be fun & silly!!!!

You nearly throw your phone across the room. Download Hinge, your friends encouraged you. It’ll be fun! 

You frown at Shigaraki’s ever-so-eloquent opening line of I’d blow yo back out. Yeah, you can see why this app was designed to be deleted. The fucking dregs of society are crawling all over this thing. Just one nice, well-adjusted individual. That’s all you’re asking for! 

Apparently, any decent guy is either taken or not on Hinge. You debate throwing in the towel and just meeting someone organically, like, out in public, exactly as the good lord intended, but right before you do, your phone vibrates.

New Notification!

Hinge | Dabi liked your image!

Hinge | Dabi sent you a chat!

It’s a Friday night, and you know for a fact that there is not a single sane man on this app, especially at this hour. Considering the fact that you’re sitting in bed right now, about to rewatch Pride & Prejudice for the sixth time this week, what else do you have to lose? Dignity? You open the app.

Apr 22 10: 24 PM

Dabi: You’re hot, what’s wrong with you

You: ?? 

Dabi: You’re too hot to be single and on here. What’s your deal 

You: you’re on here too? 🤨

Dabi: Would you say I’m too hot to the point where it’s suspicious I’m on here

You: i’m not here to give you an ego boost

Dabi: Then what’s the point of being on here

You: so you just get on here for free compliments?

Dabi: Maybe I have premium. Maybe I pay for these compliments 

You: yeah, you look like the type to pay for hinge premium ngl 

Dabi: Bye I’m going to talk to girls that are easier to manipulate 

You: please do 🙏 

Apr 23 1:21 PM

Dabi: Did you miss me

Apr 23 3:15 PM

You: so much

Apr 23 4:47 PM

Dabi: How much

Apr 23 6:01 PM

You: i was going to jump off a bridge if u didn’t text me 

Apr 23 8:01 PM

Dabi: Damn that’s crazy

Dabi: How I don’t care 

Apr 23 10:15 PM

You: don’t you have anyone else to bother

Dabi: I want to bother you though 

You: you probably scared off every girl you’ve ever come in contact with 

Dabi: True

Dabi: Except for you because you’re stupid

You: you pay for hinge premium, there’s an idiot in this conversation but it’s def not me

Dabi: I was joking 

Dabi: I don’t have money like that

You: i can tell

You: you probably take girls out for coffee as a first date, and then make them venmo u their half of the bill

Dabi: Nah

Dabi: I make her pay the full amount

You: i’m not surprised

Dabi: That was a joke too

Dabi: I never take girls out 

You: thank God

You: you’d probably be every girl’s worst date story

Dabi: Want to test that theory out 

You: no thanks, i don’t feel like being content material for some crime podcast 

Dabi: Smart girl

Apr 24 12:13 PM

Dabi: Wyd

You: at the police station, filing a restraining order on you 

Dabi: Damn 

Dabi: You want to be the one to put me in cuffs

You: the officer here actually has pink cuffs, i know some guys find that emasculating but you seem like you wouldn’t mind

Dabi: I love pink actually 

Dabi: I’m so down

You: i think you’re my dream guy

You: more like my sleep paralysis demon, but same difference 

Dabi: Aw you think of me when you sleep

Dabi: You’re that obsessed already

You: stfu 

Dabi: Don’t feel bad 

Dabi: I’m a munch fr

Dabi: I need u

You: what you need is to be put on some medication 

Dabi: Yeah you’re my medication

You: you need to be psychologically evaluated 

You: r u a social experiment 

Dabi: Stop flirting with me 

You: you’re so childish

Dabi: Am I bothering you

Dabi: Do I elicit strong emotions 

You: you don’t look like someone who knows the word elicit 

Dabi: I’m in grad school

You: wow

You: this is the first time you’ve left me genuinely speechless 

Apr 24 3:55 PM

Dabi: Yo when’s ur bday 

Dabi: Do you have any siblings 

You: are u gonna ask for my mother’s maiden name too 

Dabi: Yeah actually 

Dabi: Give me your ssn while you’re at it

You: ur a creep, ur lucky ur cute

Dabi: Wow, you can’t have deep convos with anyone any more without being accused of trying to get answers to their security questions

You: tell me something abt you first

Dabi: My dad sucks

You: yeah you look like you would have daddy issues

Dabi: Lmao

Dabi: I’m being fr though

You: yeah, a lot of dads do suck. what abt the rest of ur family?

Dabi: I haven’t seen them in years

You: oh

You: do they suck too?

Dabi: Nah

Dabi: I moved out as soon as I could 

You: your dad was that bad?

Dabi: The worst

You: are you trying to get pity pussy rn???? don’t tug on my heartstrings if it’s all just a lie

Dabi: Damn wtf

Dabi: But also depends. Do u wanna give me some pity pussy rn

You: bye i thought we were actually having a serious moment 

Dabi: I wasn’t lying. Swear

Dabi: Now tell me something too

You: im an attention seeker. that’s why im on here

Apr 25 1:56 PM

Dabi: Did u miss me not giving u attention

Apr 25 3:56 PM

You: sorry, i was having really crazy sex waiting for u to come back

Dabi: Fire

Dabi: You deserve it

Dabi: Me next?

You: only if you promise to tell me u love me before the post nut clarity hits

Dabi: I love manipulating women during sex

Dabi: Anything for u 

You: you say that but someone else is in my dms telling me that i can be his housewife and raise our kids and never work a day in my life again so pls top that offer 

Dabi: DAMN

Dabi: I bet he’s boring 

You: he’s not boring, we’re actually getting married and gonna have a big family

Dabi: Well clearly the fact that ur talking about him to me shows that u aren’t interested in him 

You: i’m telling u abt him so u have something to aspire to

Dabi: Damn you should date him then 

You: that’s the first intelligent thing you’ve said 

Apr 26 7:00 AM

Dabi: I hate you

Dabi: Wyd today

You: pls mind ur own business 

Dabi: Smd

Dabi: Tell me or I block you

Apr 26 8:19 AM

Dabi: U suck

You: and swallow

Dabi: No you don’t

Dabi: You probably spit it out

Apr 27 9:34 AM

You: true but in my defense, you look like you would produce something that tastes like toxic waste

Dabi: Were u deadass ignoring me 

You: don’t be so needy, dabi. it’s not a good look

Dabi: Sorry that was a moment weakness 

Dabi: So what now

Dabi: Is this when u give me ur insta

You: i don’t have any social media

Dabi: Nah you’re a catfish

You: maybe

Apr 27 1:34 PM

Dabi: Wyd

You: you’re a true wyd warrior, do u realize that

You: i’m currently getting my back blown out by a dude who posted his headshot as one of his hinge pics. i am not even faking my moans.

Dabi: Stfu 😂

Dabi: Do u even know what sex is

Dabi: Name one position 

You: easy, missionary 

Dabi: Well you’re on your phone so obviously the sex you’re having isn’t that good 

You: im just a good multitasker 

Dabi: tell me if ur shit is grippy

You: hold on, let me ask him

Dabi: Whats his name

Dabi: Whats he saying

You: don’t worry abt his name

You: he told me im gripping him so tight, it’s like i’m trying to take his blood pressure rn

Dabi: LMAO 

Dabi: That means ur not attracted to him

You: wow, a guy who knows that tight doesn’t equal aroused, i’m genuinely impressed w you 

You: and for the record, i would never actually fuck a guy who posts a professional headshot as one of his pics on hinge 

Dabi: Oh now you tell me

Dabi: Guess I have to cancel the appointment I just made to get a headshot done 

Apr 28 6:20 AM

Dabi: Im leaving Okinawa to go back to work. I’m sad, cheer me up

You: just commit a crime so they won’t let you leave

You: also i think maybe u need a psych eval or smth bc why are u still talking to me 🤨

Dabi: Nah tbh you’re the most interesting person on here

Dabi: I’m gonna go to tokyo and commit a crime on u 

You: yea, u not being in my guts rn should be a crime

Dabi: Chill my dick isn’t big enough for that 😂 

You: i want you to seek professional help

Dabi: I want u to seek these nuts in ur mouth

You: when should i ghost you

Dabi: Whenever u want bae you can ghost me anytime 

Apr 28 7:26 AM

Dabi: REPLY

You: u literally told me i could ghost u anytime WHAT IS UR DEAL

Dabi: Damn ok well when you do at least say goodbye

You: when i do, i’m reporting ur hinge account in the hopes that u get banned and have to resort to meeting women irl

You: i’m actually reporting ur account rn

Dabi: Good idea

Dabi: I’ll report u too 

Dabi: Before you get banned from hinge, can I have your number

You: no

You: i don’t give my number out to random ass strangers online

You: and ‘dabi’ is a weird name to have saved in my contacts

Dabi: Touya

Dabi: That’s my real name

You: oh

You: who the hell uses a fake name on a dating app??? 😭

Dabi: Stranger danger is real

Dabi: If I take you out on a date will you give me your number

You: a REAL date???

Dabi: Yeah I’m actually a gentleman in case you couldn’t tell

You: i don’t know how i could’ve missed that fact.

Dabi: I’m being fr though

Dabi: Dinner reservations and everything

You: are you paying the entire bill 🤨

Dabi: Why wouldn’t I

You: hmmm

You: every sex joke i made was definitely just a joke though, pls don’t get any crazy ideas

Dabi: Obviously you were joking, I’m not an idiot

You: you’re not gonna try to hit on the first date?

Dabi: If it’ll make you more comfortable, I’ll tape a 10 ft pole to my chest so I can’t get anywhere near you

You: cute

Dabi: Dinner tomorrow?

You: yes, dinner tomorrow 

Dabi: And if I do well, I get your number?

You: hmmm

You: i guess

Dabi: Fuck yeah

Dabi: I’m tired of texting you through hinge 

You: you only get it IF you do well

Dabi: I’m gonna rock your shit 

Dabi: Romantically 

You: sure you will

Apr 30 12:01 AM

Are you sure you want to delete the Hinge app?

Yes | No

You selected Yes! Reason for deletion?

[ ] No new matches

[ ] App is difficult to work with

[ ] Found another app to use

[ X ] I met someone

[ana-chronista]

I have to be honest, I love all those ideas so my apologies.

Bojere: 2, 3, 5, 7, 8

Jance: 1, 4, 6, 9, 10

Only if you want to answer, of course

Are you joking? I love these sort of things! (At least you remembered to include numbers, unlike me! 😂)

Bojere 2. The popcorn at the cinema – 

They would both insist that they’re the best person to hold the popcorn, and would try to come up with increasingly elaborate ways to take custody of it. Eventually they would be banned from multiple cinemas for all out popcorn fights. 3. The baby, when it cries – 

Bojan, but only marginally – both seem to be very good with children. I think though maybe Bojan has slightly more patience to sit with a crying baby, while Jere would eventually be thinking “OK, maybe if I Lion King the baby it’ll quieten down”. However, Jere’s the best at coming up with stupid games to keep toddlers occupied for hours on end. 5. The remote, when they sit down to watch a movie – 

It would depend on who is in charge of the choice. Both would want to show the other some ‘must see’ movies from their own countries and would take control for those occasions. (Whether they make it all the way through each and every movie without getting distracted? Eh, who can say!) 7. The door, on dates – 

Bojan would do it seriously in an attempt to be really smooth, but Jere would do it in the most exaggerated way possible to make Bojan laugh (it would work 100% of the time). 8. The other’s hand, most often –

Jere would initiate it the most often, as he’s the least likely to give too much of a shit what anyone else thinks. Bojan would love him for it and, over time, would become more confident in initiating it himself when he wants to. Jance

1. The umbrella, when it rains – 

Nace, after much debate (and competition) about who’s the tallest. Jan is a bit put out at first, but eventually comes round to the idea when he realises it’s the perfect excuse (as if he ever needed one) for burrowing into Nace’s side to make sure he doesn’t accidentally end up drenched. 4. The ice cream cone, when they share – 

Nace again. After the one time Jan tackled an ice cream by biting the bottom off the cone straight away and sucking the ice cream through it, Nace hasn’t trusted him to take responsibility for this. His mind may or may not wander to that incident fairly frequently, often in horror at Jan’s weird eating technique, but not exclusively. 6. The basket, when they go shopping – 

Jan. Nace is more organised and in charge of the list. Jan is quite happy with this, because as soon as Nace’s back is turned, he can sneak gluten free snacks into their shopping to make sure Nace doesn’t miss out at practice. 9. Their breath, upon seeing the other on their wedding day – 

Given how they look at each other on a regular basis just on stage, I’m going to have to go with both. It would probably take a moment to actually get the ceremony started what with the amount of heart eyes going on in that room. 10. The camera, when they take pictures together – 

I still maintain Jan’s photography specialism lies somewhere between “random shit I saw out and about today” and “have 200 photos of my cat”, but I think getting together with Nace would open up a third category of just photos of him. However, taking photos together would probably be Nace, as I think he’d want to document their dates and the time they spend together (even if the trampoline park photos come out ridiculously blurry).

[kny-agere]

Hello! I was wondering if I could request a fic with caregiver Tengen + wives and regressor Tanjiro? Maybe something along the lines of Tanjiro feeling bad about regressing, feeling that he’s taking up to much of their limited free time by being looked after/should be looking after his friends instead and Tengen comforts and assures him that he’s alright.

This took me forever sorry >_< It was easy to write but I needed a bit of a break because of how many requests I just went through. I think Tanjiro is a bit of an older regressor… maybe like 6-8? Idk how well it shows here but I hope you enjoy still!!

★彡☆彡★彡

“Will you tell Tanjiro that it’s time for dinner?” Hinatsuru leaned over the doorframe, steaming bowls of rice in her arms.

Suma peeks out from Tengen’s hold. “I thought he went to help you! He ran off a while ago.”

The older woman pulls a face but her tone remains even. “I’ll check with Makio but you need to make sure he tells you next time.”

“Don’t be cross,” Tengen laughs, “He’s a good boy. If Tanjiro isn’t with Makio then he’s probably off doing laundry or weeding the garden.”

Hinatsuru still doesn’t look very pleased but she leaves the others alone for now. The rice in her hands goes right back into the kitchen just in case this takes longer than a few minutes.

Her wife sits in the bedroom going through a mountain of clothed and deciding what to discard. It’s a daunting task considering Tengen buys a new outfit at least once a week.

“Is Tanjiro with you?” She can’t spot him right away but it’s possible the boy is hiding within one of the larger piles.

“Doesn’t Suma have him?” Makio sounds mildly alarmed, the boy rarely explores on his own when regressed.

Hinatsuru lets out a small groan. “I’ll check the bathrooms.”

“Do you want help?”

“I won’t turn it down, but it’ll only take a minute to find him. The house isn’t that big and I don’t think he would wander too far.”

—-

It takes thirty minutes for someone to find Tanjiro. Suma burst into tears when it took more than two seconds to find him and wasn’t much help from then on. Makio spent half her time scolding her wife and half her time comforting the woman which meant she wasn’t much help either.

Ultimately it was Tengen who found the boy. Kamado was curled up in one of the extra closets. He wasn’t quite crying but had a very focused look on his face accompanied by the occasional sniffle.

Tengen wasn’t as good at dealing with emotions as his wives were but the man didn’t want to startle the boy by calling for them.

“Hey… buddy.” He internally winced at his awkward tone. “It’s time for dinner. Why don’t you come out and eat with us.”

Tanjiro whimpered and pushed himself further into the tight space of the closet. Luckily it wasn’t very deep and he stayed within Uzui’s reach. “Or if you’re not hungry we can find a game to play! Whatever you want.”

“I wanna stay here.” The boy’s voice was thick with sadness. It was a sudden shift when just an hour ago he had been curled up against Suma’s side.

“Can I stay here with you then?” There wasn’t enough room within the actual closet for Tengen to fit but he was happy to crouch down and settle near the redhead.

He seemed surprised by the suggestion but eventually Tanjiro nodded. Uzui had no plan for what to do now but this seemed like a good start.

Before the silence could stretch on for too long the women finally caught up to the pair. All three of them crowded around the boy too alongside Uzui. No one was quite sure what to say but finally Suma stopped her tears and broke the silence. “Why did you stop hanging out with us? If you need to talk about something I can listen! I’m great at listening!”

“It’s okay.” His words were barely audible. “ ‘m not hungry right now.”

Emboldened by Suma, Hinatsuru opens her mouth too, “Are you sad?”

Tanjiro is quiet for a very long time which is the same as a yes. They all know he can’t even attempt to lie even if he can’t quite admit the truth.

Finally Tengen just picks up the boy and drags him into his arms. He doesn’t resist the movement at all but also doesn’t lean into the touch like he usually does. “C’mon you tell us what’s wrong.”

It seems like he won’t open up at all but then his bottom lip quivers and he lets out another quiet whimper. “I’m worried about Nezuko.”

“I’m sure Kocho is taking good care of her! Mitsuri was there too right? They’re probably having a lovely girls’ day.” Makio reaches over to rub his back. When he still doesn’t seem reassured her frown comes back. “Now tell us what’s really wrong.”

“Makio!” Suma tries to smack her but she’s easy blocked.

When Tanjiro wilts at their harsh exchange both women quickly straighten up. Another beat of silence passes before he opens up again. “I guess ‘m not used to being takin’ care of. So I’m worried ‘m doin’ a bad job… and that maybe you wanna take care of someone else.” His voice stays even but Kamado’s eyes grown shiny until a few tears spill over and onto his cheeks. The sight is enough to make Suma tear up too. She might even be crying more than the boy.

“This isn’t the kind of thing you can do a bad job at baby.” Hinatsuru forces Makio to switch spots with her so the woman can lean close to Tanjiro’s face and press a gentle kiss on his cheek. Her lipstick leaves a distinct red mark. “And we’re always happy to have you over no matter how you’re feeling.”

Tengen is happy that he’s able to focus on cradling the boy. The weight of Kamado in his hands is pleasant. He hoped that the fact that he both found and was currently holding the redhead would absolve him of needing to offer some sort of verbal support but the way all of his wives stare at him makes him think otherwise. “Um, why don’t we get some food? You’ll feel better on a full stomach.”

Admittedly Uzui might be speaking for his own hunger but the clumsy words worm a dry laugh out a Tanjiro. It saves him from being scolded by any of his wives and gives him the chance to finally stand up. Tengen’s legs are half numb but he keeps the boy wrapped in his arms while stumbling towards the kitchen.

“It’s okay you can put me down!” Tanjiro really is squirming wildly now but his smile isn’t quite big enough yet so Uzui holds him tighter and presses a sloppy kiss to the boy’s cheek. It smudges the mark left by Hinatsuru.

The women trail behind him, Makio and Suma fighting once more which is how he knows the gentle atmosphere has thoroughly been broken. Hinatsuru might still scold him for being less than tactful but for now he’s rather satisfied with the situation.

[detentiontrack]

you said you were okay to talk about your adhd meds, so i'm wondering which ones you take? i'm currently working towards an adhd diagnosis to hopefully get me some medication, but i'm pretty unfamiliar with what the options are besides adderall, which my parents are very hesitant to get me on as they've had bad experiences with it from my other siblings

First off I hope you get the diagnosis that’s right for you and you can get proper treatment! I’ve had ADHD my whole life and I got kinda diagnosed at age 5 so I know a lot about this topic so feel free to ask any more questions! /gen

So currently I take Concerta and Adderall.

Concerta is made of methylphenidate and it is a time released medication, meaning it releases and stays in your system for around 8-10 hours. You take it in the morning (preferably after breakfast because stimulants can make it so you’re not hungry) and then you’re good for the day. This type of medication works really well for both hyperactivity and inattentive adhd symptoms. I got put on this in 2021, and it’s helped me immensely. It makes it so that I have the executive function to do my tasks, remember to do things, become more organized, and it helps with my impulsivity and hyperactivity, and it makes me less fatigued. This is probably the least addictive stimulant medication, and you don’t feel high or impaired. You just feel a little calmer, a little more focused, and more grounded. I started on 18mg, and now I’m on 72mg (I’m taking the maximum dosage because my ADHD is classified as “very severe” so you may do better at a lower dose. It depends on your case and what your doctor wants to do)

I also take 20mg adderall but I know you said you and your parents are hesitant about it so I’ll just skip it and tell you about the next one (but if you want to hear about Adderall and my experiences on it, shoot me an ask or a dm/gen)

So I’m not on it anymore, but I also used to be on Ritalin. I take the concerta in the mornings, but it tended to wear off early while I was at school, so I started taking Ritalin in the afternoon as a booster. Becoming addicted to Ritalin as someone with ADHD is not really that likely, despite what some people will tell you. (People don’t really understand ADHD treatments at all and say all drugs are addictive). If you consistently abuse it then yeah maybe you’ll have problems, but if you just take it once a day as prescribed then you’re not super likely to get addicted. Ritalin is also a methylphenidate, similar to concerta, but it is NOT time released. This means that it’ll be in and out of your system in 4-6 hours. This medication works really well for when you need to intensely focus on something, like reading for school or doing an art project. Concerta’s effects are not as intense, and Ritalin helps you focus for longer periods of time where as concerta helps with day to day tasks like laundry and feeding yourself.

[nikkeisimmer]

The Chikamori Legacy

Chapter Three - "Finding Home"

Next morning

“Oh my god…” River moaned softly. “Is that the time?” Having to deal with the sleep in her eyes, she blearily looked at the time 6:00 AM. It was going to take at least half an hour to get ready to get out the door.

“Yeah…” mumbled Haruo, “I think my brain wants to sleep some more, but if we do, we’re going to miss the 9AM sailing. And we gotta eat. I think it would be wise to eat at Hogan’s so that we’re near the ferry dock so that we don’t miss the sailing and have to wait another three hours. As it is, we’re probably going to have to book a hotel in the Lower Mainland because we’re probably not going to be able to come back the same day.”

"Not if we’re loading up my stuff, guitar, easel…etc.”

“Yeah…all those things that are important to you.” Haruo said as he rolled out of bed and placed both feet on the floor.

River followed him. They’d showered the night before and that’s what made it a late night – they’d spent more time playing with each other than showering but it felt so good. They’d managed to get maybe four to six hours of sleep. “I hope I’m alert enough to drive.”

“You want to drive my Mercedes and I’ll drive the Pontiac GTO…so that we can get this on and off the ferry?”

“OK…”

“And then you and I can park and switch cars once we get off the ferry at the Tsawwassen Ferry Terminal.”

River nodded, “That’ll work.” she said as she grabbed her coat. It was about 6:30 in the morning, considering that they would have to be at Hogan’s in about half an hour and eating by 7:30, by the time they were finished, it would be about 8:20AM by the time they got to the ferry terminal to wait for their ferry to Tsawwassen. There was a six hour sailing for the ferry from Cape Garner Islands to Swartz Bay, then another hour sailing wait for the ferry from Swartz Bay to Tsawwassen which was an hour and a half sailing between the two points. Then there would be at least a 45 minute drive from Tsawwassen all the way in to Vancouver, getting off at Exit 22 and heading over towards, Hwy 99 and all the way into Vancouver. It would be almost seven in the evening before they managed to get the vehicle to Grandma Yumiko. “Don’t forget to grab your Pepsi, you’re going to need that.”

“Yeah…thanks for reminding me. I swear, I’d forget my head if it wasn’t attached to my neck.” Haruo rolled his eyes in frustration at his tiredness-induced brain-dead state. “Hopefully, I’ll be able to drive to Vancouver without wrapping the car around a tree.”

River smirked at him as she patted his rear-end, “Yeah…wrapping it around a tree would not be a good thing. Let’s try not to do that, shall we?”

“Yeah…” Haruo raised an eyebrow and proceeded to grab a few items. “For the road.” he explained as they headed out to the waiting vehicles. Pulling out the Mercedes key, he handed it to River with a smile, giving her a kiss… “Drive safely…”

“I will…” River favoured him with a winsome smile. “I’ll drive carefully…” There was a cutting bite to the air that morning as River watched Haruo sniff the air like his dad used to do.

“Yeah…it’s gonna snow…today. I don’t know exactly when, but we’re gonna see the white stuff come down before the end of the day. Probably as the temperature goes down towards the evening, it’ll hit the freezing point and we’ll see snow. By the time we hit the ramp at the ferry dock in Tsawwassen, it may be coming down.” River winced at that. She did not like driving in snow. Neither did Haruo, but well…that was par for the course living in the Lower Mainland. In any case, this was weather that they were going to have to tolerate since they had to drive over to Vancouver and the ferry was the only method of getting themselves from Cape Garner Islands to Vancouver with the least amount of hassle. “I’ve got winters on my Mercedes…no worries. And I’ve gotten Ba-chan’s car outfitted with winter tires so we should be fine. It’s not going to be deep enough that we’re going to need to have chains on. Cape Garner’s Municipal Works department will have the place plowed enough that we’ll be all right coming home. We’re fine going out; there’s nothing on the ground.”

River got behind the wheel of Haruo’s Mercedes, she turned the ignition on. Haruo was already pulling out of the garage and maneuvering his vehicle so that his nose pointed out the gate. “See you down at Hogan’s…” He grinned as he eased the Pontiac GTO out on the road. River followed right behind him with the Mercedes. She thought it drove smoothly.

“I like this vehicle.” River said to herself as she negotiated the turns on the road leading back to Cape Garner Town Center. Haruo was taking it easy and River found it easy to keep up with him. Considering the fact that he’d been driving for longer than her, she enjoyed watching how easily he managed to handle the Pontiac GTO. It took only about fifteen minutes to get to Hogan’s…and they could see that the ferry terminal wasn’t too busy. They got their meals to go and ate it in their cars while they were waiting for the ferry.

It also meant that they were ready when the ferry personnel told them that they could load onto the ferry. Haruo eased on the gas and the Pontiac GTO maneuvered its big bulk onto the ramp leading down to the on-board ferry vehicle parking areas. River followed right behind him and they parked near the front of the ferry. Shutting off their engines, they locked up the car and headed up to the ferry passenger area. No-one was supposed to be down by their vehicles, only because they needed to make sure that in the case of an emergency there was a viable way to do a head-count. Each ferry trip created a passenger manifest that would be referred to in case of any crime or accident.River held his hand as they walked through the ferry to grab a pair of seats by a window. “Last time I rode this ferry, a week ago, I was harrassed by a couple of guys who didn’t seem to want to take no for an answer.” River muttered, “This time I’m glad I have somebody with me”, she leaned into him. “Love you…” he whispered in River’s ear. “I love you too.” she squeezed his hand.

The ferry ride was uneventful...six hours of watching the wake, using the washroom and walking forward to the bow to watch the ferry move closer to Shwarz Bay. Aside from the occasional comments of oh look whales...to seeing nothing but the descending tail back into the water as they didn’t catch a glimpse of any sighting until it was too late, the ferry ride was completely uneventful. Haruo would get back in the vehicle at the 5hr 45 min mark so that he would be able to ease the Pontiac GTO onto dry land and move it to dry land...whereupon they would reverse their position and do the same onto the Tsawwassen-bound ferry from Shwarz Bay. This was going to be so much fun. When the ferry loaded for Tsawwassen, River and Haruo maneuvered their vehicles down to the parking area yet again. Putting the parking brake on as they had on the outbound from Cape Garner ferry, they locked up the vehicles yet again and headed back up to the passenger area for the next leg which would be considerably shorter across the Georgia Strait to Tsawwassen.River and Haruo kept close to each other...either holding hands or arms around each other. In fact they were so enthralled with holding hands or snuggling with each other, they were startled by the announcement that the ferry was approaching Tsawwassen and that all passengers with vehicles should make their way down to the parking areas and remain in their vehicles until the ferry had docked. Haruo and River made their way down to the parking area and got in their car. “I’ll meet you at the McDonald’s on 56th Street, ok?” Haruo told River.

“OK…we can grab a bite to eat there and switch cars.” River said. The Pontiac GTO was actually Grandpa’s car, but now that Grandpa had passed away, Grandma had possession of it. Hopefully it could be handed down the generations, but it would more than likely go to Michitake as part of Grandfather’s estate. It was all pending on the will. As much as Haruo hated the uncles, he knew that a will was the letter of the law so he was going to strive to take care of the vehicle. Frankly it was taking care of it for Grandmother so that she could pass it on. So hence the reason why he bought a set of winters for Grandmother and had them put on.

“That’s a good idea, I’m famished.” Haruo grinned.

“You’re all stomach, love…” River patted him on the back. “If we didn’t feed you, your stomach would start eating you.”

Haruo laughed, “Can’t have that happen, can we?” he pulled a face that made River laugh. “oh…the horror.”

“Oh…no…definitely not.” her reply was just as teasing as his exclamation.

Getting off the ferry at the Tsawwassen terminal was pretty easy…but Haruo could see the flakes coming down. This was going to turn heavy. The stretch between the ferry terminal and 56th Street; the snow was starting to stick and it made it interesting especially with the power of the V8 under the hood of the Pontiac GTO. Flicking on the right turn signal at the light, Haruo braked gently, tapping the brake a bit to let others know that he was braking. With snow lightly covering the road, it was going to increase braking times and make it much easier to rear-end someone and he didn’t want that happening with his Grandma’s car. The snow was going to get heavy by the time they were done at the McD’s; that much he was certain of, which meant that River should probably continue to drive the Mercedes back to Vancouver and he would continue behind the wheel of the GTO.

Pulling in at the McDonald’s, Haruo found a parking spot and about a minute and a half later, River pulled in with the Mercedes Benz. “Hey…the snow’s getting really bad.” River commented.

“Do you want to switch cars or do you want me to continue to drive the Pontiac GTO?” Haruo asked.“If you don’t mind…” River gave him a nervous look gazing at the snow coming down. “It’s going to get bad, isn’t it?”

“Yeah...it’s going to probably snow pretty heavily between today and tomorrow from the radio forecast. I’m not liking the looks of traveling back tomorrow. What do you say we hunker in at a hotel tonight and tomorrow?” Haruo shook his head as he looked out at the white stuff floating down leisurely from the sky. “Don’t go too hard on the gas pedal; snow tires or no, your car will fishtail.”

Haruo and River quickly made their orders and headed back to their cars. Each one grabbing a Big Mac and a double cheeseburger. The double-cheeseburger made it easier to handle the car one handed. It would stave off their hunger until they managed to get to the house to drop off the Pontiac GTO to Grandmother. Then Haruo would handle the driving-in-the-snow thereafter. Haruo thought Hwy 17 was a complete disaster in terms of trucks and cars run off the road. Snowfall was always like this where drivers thought their capabilities behind the wheel were higher than they actually were. Which meant that tow-trucks were out in force...and it was hard enough to get anywhere. Luckily for Haruo, he eased into the next lane and slowed down to get abreast of River in the Mercedes and at the next stop light, rolled down his window and yelled over the wind generated by the snowstorm. “Pull into the next gas station!!!” “OK!!!” Haruo nodded in response and pulled back ahead of River on the green and back into the right lane. They had enough gas in the tank to make Richmond if they could get onto Hwy 99. It was nose to tail all the way to Exit 17A and they managed to crawl off the Highway 17 to make it up to Ladner Trunk Road. Haruo swung a right turn and headed to the local Chevron which was usually about 2-3 cents cheaper than the rest of the city. River had followed him to the gas station. “How much do you have left in your tank?” He asked. “A quarter tank”

“Yeah…no…we’re gonna fill up your tank and put at least a half-tank in mine. Pump 6 and 7?” River nodded at Haruo’s query. Haruo wasn’t going to fill up Grandma’s tank entirely because the car was just going to be stored after it got back. He walked into the gas station and told the cashier that he needed both pumps six and seven activated and that he was paying for the gas in both of them. Total came out to roughly around forty dollars. 15 in the Pontiac GTO, 25 in the Mercedes. Haruo also got River a Cherry Pepsi as well as himself.

“Oh…nice, Cherry Pepsi’s back in town.” River said, gratefully accepting her drink.

Haruo nodded in reply. “Yeah, it is. I think we’d better get on the road before we end up stuck behind a plow and a few more accidents.” When the tanks on the Mercedes was filled and the gas meter hit half on the Pontiac GTO, Haruo and River hit the road. There were a few more snags as inattentive drivers spun out and ended up in the ditch to the side of the Highway 99 west-bound. But they managed to get past the George Massey Tunnel and into Richmond. Haruo and River headed up Knight Street and then turned left onto 41st Avenue heading down into West Side Vancouver where his father and grandmother lived. Pulling into the driveway, he waited for River while opening up the garage door and moving the Pontiac GTO inside.

[idk-my-aesthetic]

The frustrating thing about insomnia is for some reason everyone thinks it’s like

10pm: *decides to stay up and do random bullshit all night* *sleeps until noon*

And I will admit! Sometimes that is it. Sometimes it is a choice. I’m human sometimes i make choices that upset or are disagreeable to others

But equally likely it’s literally like:

10pm. Do some stuff while it’s quiet.

Midnight: try to sleep. Unable to sleep. Frustrated. You are literally yawning. Why are you not asleep? Why is it so easy for everyone else? Toss and turn until the frustration drives you out of bed

1 am: Go and do something for a little while.

3 am: try to sleep again. Still no sleep. You desperately change positions a dozen times, knowing it won’t matter but hoping that maybe if you turn your arms at the exact right angle it’ll activate a cheat code that will put you to sleep.

4-5 am: feel the sands of time ticking away. The frustration is coming back, not just because you didn’t sleep but also now you know that you’re either going to sleep all day or be exhausted and unfunctional. So not only did you just waste several hours of your life not sleeping you are now going to lose several more. +20 stress and frustration if you have school or job in the morning.

5:30 am: give up and decide to try and pull an all nighter. Go eat breakfast and take meds.

6 am: do something for like an hour. It’s never productive because your brain is fried from exhaustion.

Rest of the day: struggle to stay awake. If you have a class or job in the morning you can maybe get through it on pure adrenaline but you won’t remember any of it. If you have anything later than 10 am you’re in serious danger of missing it because you suddenly passed out at 8:30 and your max volume alarm was insufficient to awaken you from your exhaustion. Even if you make it through everything you need to do that day At some point you will probably take a nap and wake up just in time to do the whole thing again

*good news, if you have nothing today you’ll sleep great! Bad news, you will be called a lazy bastard by your family, and/or genuinely concern them. You’re not sure which is worse.

All in all you end up only sleeping like. 6 hours max sporadically every 24 hrs, and wasting another 6+ hours trying to sleep, plus more time being unable to do anything because you’re too tired

It’s very frustrating!!! And sometimes you can tell it’s going to be one of Those Nights even though you took the sleepy time gummies so you give up on sleeping after 2 hours of trying instead of 6, but then everyone thinks you’re doing it on purpose

Anyway in unrelated news it’s 1:42 in the morning, i already took melatonin hours ago and I cannot sleep

[ryuichirou]

What's your suice headcanons? Also how would the other Nordics react to their relationship??

Anoooooon, did you catch my whining telepathically? Because we were discussing how I want the next ask to be about SuIce headcanons just yesterday… Always there when we need you the most.

Sooo SuIce headcanons!

1. I’ve already mentioned it in another post, but Ice is really really really crushing hard on Sweden. He feels super comfortable around him, but also kind of hopeless, because he can’t do anything about his crush: he thinks that confessing would only ruin things. Ice kinda has a complex about being younger than the rest of the Nordics, but Svi especially. He doesn’t mind the age gap, it’s just as if he’s afraid that Sweden will never be able to look at him as someone other than “Nor’s little brother”. He also doesn’t want Sweden to think that his feelings towards him are just a childish, immature crush. At the same time, Sweden respects Iceland’s opinions and tries not to treat him differently – he knows that it troubles Ice. Doesn’t know about his crush though lol

2. Ice really likes watching Sweden when he’s working on something (furniture, for example). He can sit there for hours, looking at his hands and thinking about stuff. Ice wishes he could do it more often, but he doesn’t get to hang out at Sweden’s place very often.

3. Unlike apparently everyone else in the world, Iceland doesn’t think Sweden is all that creepy looking. He doesn’t get scared by his “heavy glare” thing and is actually pretty good at noticing when Svi (despite him not really changing his expression) is having a good time.

4. Every time Iceland gets touched by Sweden in any way (like a shoulder pat, hand grabbing, maybe even a hug), he dies inside so obviously that it’s ridiculous that Sweden didn’t notice that for so long.

5. Sweden didn’t really think of Iceland “that way” before he found out that he had a crush on him. But once he started thinking about it, he realised that Iceland surprisingly sort of fits his type. He tends to like cute looking “round-ish” guys, after all.

6. I don’t know how Ice’s confession would go, but now that I think about it, Sweden might confront him himself one day… What a scary situation for Iceland.

7. So, about the other Nordics. Norway and Denmark are pretty good at reading Ice’s mood, so it’s not a secret to them that he likes Sweden, but they might not really understand the nature of his feelings at first. Same with Fin actually, he might notice the way Ice looks at Sweden. But it’ll still probably surprise them that he has an actual romantic crush on him. Out of all of them, Nor would be surprised the least though.

8. If SuIce were to start dating, other Nordics’ reaction would probably go like this: Fin would be kinda confused (not opposed, but confused, because that came out of nowhere), Denmark would have a blast teasing both Iceland and Sweden (and get punched by Sweden repetitively until he stops), and Norway… I don’t think he would mind Sweden (he knows him well and respects him a lot), but he likes to act like a protective older brother, so maybe he’d at least pretend that he’s ready to fight Sweden if he does something wrong. But then again, that might be just to mess with Ice…

9. A couple of spicier ones. Before they got together, Ice used to fantasize about Svi a lot. He also might’ve thought a bit too much about how their first time would go. A lot of different scenarios.

10. Although Sweden’s initial instinct was to be careful and gentle with Ice, Ice really doesn’t like that treatment: he doesn’t want Svi to act like he’s going to break or something. He is a bit too eager when it comes to that, both because he doesn’t want to be perceived as too young and fragile, and because he is too darn horny and desperate for Svi to act so careful around him. At some point he would either ask Svi to stop holding back or try to provoke him.

11. When Svi finally stops holding back though, it’s going to be like things are happening on a whole different level, because he is much more passionate, physical and straight-up horny than one might think. He’s also pretty desperate and starved when it comes to this kind of intimacy. So Ice’s “do you worst” would end up in a pretty unexpected scenario for him (not that he complains, of course, he’s one happy boy).

Well, these are some long-ass headcanons lol, I’m sorry, I got carried away. I could say more, but once again, let me know if you’d like to hear about anything in particular.

[bobattef]

Take Cover

“Up?” You repeat the word.

“Up!” The moody clone replies back to you, his helmet boring down into your eyes. 

You sigh out loud.

“Hmm…what kind of sniper are you if you don’t seek out higher ground?” Crosshair sounds annoyed as he turns his back on you and walks towards the foot of the mountain.

That’s probably because he was annoyed.

He didn’t want you partnering up with him, he didn’t want any one to partner up with him but he must always follow orders.

It’s in his DNA.

You have no idea why the most prestigious shooter in the whole of the Galaxy would need a 2nd sniper either but you were given a task by Hunter and you had to obey.

You had been trudging through the woodland for 4 hours now, the rest of the clone force 99 members had split up to cover more ground and after reaching what looked like a dead end, the one you were paired up with suggested to move upwards.

With your weapon strapped to your back now, you start the climb. 

Slipping a few times on the rocks, you glance behind you.

You hadn’t made much distance but most definitely over 20ft of raw rock climbing, you calculate. 

Crosshair still has his feet planted on the floor, watching your every move.

You can’t tell underneath his helmet but he holds his breath every time you had missed a footing.

Cursing at how much he would have cared if you got hurt.

Finally you pull yourself up to the ledge, it’s not the peak of the mountain by miles but it levels out a fair few metres.

You barley have time to catch your breath before the moody clone is right next you once again.

“Wha…How, how did you..ergh, how did you do that so quickly?” You manage to ask him in between gasps of air.

But he just shrugs and walks past you, not even showing any signs of fatigue from his climb.

You look back towards the edge, being at a height that soars above the woodlands you notice a dark cloud moving in.

You laugh at how it reminds you of the clone you’re with right now.

 A dark and rumbling force.

“Cross?” You call out to him.

He mutters at the shortened name you call him.

“Do we have to worry about this storm coming our way?” you ask him, watching in the distance as a few licks of lightning roll across the top of the cloud. 

“If we had to worry, Hunter would tell us” he sighs out at your question.

“That’s his sorta thing” he finishes and starts to walk away from you again.

“Crosshair, come in…” Hunter’s voice cracks over your comms piece.

“Y/N? You there?” 

“Here Hunter! What’s up?” You answer him, knowing Crosshair would be eye rolling at your enthusiasm for talking to the bad batch leader. 

“I’ve checked your location on the data pad, a storm cloud is heading straight for you” he starts to explain as you turn to face Crosshair, smirking at him, knowing you were right about earlier.

“I recon in about 6, maybe 8 minutes tops, and it’ll be right over you both, can you see any where to take shelter near by?” Hunter asks you as you shrug your shoulders at Crosshair but he’s too busy scoping the side of the mountain.

“A cave opening about 1/2 a mile from us” Crosshair’s voice comes over the radio.

“We’ll check that out” he states and nods towards you to follow him.

“How long you thinking we’ll be hiding out for?” You originally ask Crosshair as your little legs try to keep up with the clones longer strides.

“25-30mins” Hunter’s the one who answers you.

***

The rain falls down like nothing you’ve witnessed before. 

It literally feels like buckets of water being chucked over you as both you and Crosshair are almost running trying to get to the cave opening.

“6-8 minutes?! What a load of bantha fodder!” Crosshair says between gritted teeth.

He’s mad most of the time but this time you understand his annoyance.

Hunter’s calculations are usually spot on but it seems it’s a few minutes off today.

Not like you can call him over the comms piece to complain!

This storm has seemed to of messed with the radio signal so all you can hear is static.

Another thunderous rumble hits right above your head.

“Argh!” You jump out of your skin.

You’re sure you hear Crosshair chuckle as he reaches the opening of the cave.

It’s a small gap but you both crouch through and almost have to crawl inside.

“Oh my stars!” You sigh out as you fall onto the floor in defeat.

Crosshair stays crouched on his feet, like he’s waiting for something.

Clicking the side of his helmet the torch lights up almost blinding you. 

“Cross!” You shout out, your arms flying up to cover your eyes.

He grunts as he looks away from you.

“Why do you insist on calling me that?” He almost spits out as he uses the light to scan the surroundings of you both. 

“Call you what?” You ask him sitting your back against one of the larger rocks inside.

But he doesn’t answer you, instead he sits down himself, happy with the quick scan of the shelter he had chosen as he cradles his sniper.

“Call you what?!” You ask him again, more snappy this time.

Maybe it’s his moodiness that’s rubbing off on your own right now or maybe it’s the fact you’re soaked through to your bones by a stupid down pour and are now sat on a cold stone floor.

“My name is Crosshair” the clone says to you

“Not Cross!” 

“Oh” you’re shocked he even answered you, you don’t exactly hold conversations with him usually.

“I didn’t realise you don’t like it?” You sound genuine.

“Now you do” he snaps.

***

You both sit there in silence opposite each other.

A few minutes pass, feeling more like hours as you try to regulate your body temperature.

It’s freezing inside this cave! 

The rain is pounding hard on the floor outside as every now and then the small covering you’re sat in gets lit up from the lightening.

You’re not even sure if your fellow sniper man is awake due to how quiet he’s being right now, not even flinching with the sound of the thunder.

It would almost be soothing if it wasn’t for the clattering of your teeth.

“You need to take it off” Crosshair’s low voice rumbles out like the thunder above.

“Hmm?” You enquire.

“Your poncho” he sighs “it’s soaked through so you’ll never get warm with it still on” 

“Take layers off to get warm?” You ask him.

“Mmm hmm” he answers, holding back another sigh of annoyance.

You raise your eyebrows at him but comply.

Pulling the strap of your rifle over your head, you want to test out this theory of his.

Your hands are shaking due to the cold now as you place your weapon on the floor beside you. 

Rocking up onto your knees to help better the angle of taking your poncho off, you can’t tell that Crosshair’s eyes are on you.

He runs them over your body as you undress, imagining what you look like underneath your blacks.

Them being merely a thin layer of fabric so it gives him something to work with inside his own head.

So thin, you’re unsure wether this idea of his will actually work.

Bringing your knees up to your chest now, you hug your legs, burying your head too, creating a ball.

“Hmm, you do seem to listen to orders then” Crosshair’s voice makes you raise your head again.

“What?” you’re unsure if you heard him right.

“You… listening to what I said. You usually always test me, my methods, my orders” he starts to explain to you.

“I thought you’d never actually listen to me”

“Hmm, maybe I would do it more often if your voice wasn’t full of sarky comments??” You bite back at him.

You’re definitely not in the mood right now.

He just chuckles lightly at your snappiness.

You don’t realise that you’ve actually managed to return some sort of warmth to your body.

Maybe it was helped by the adrenaline rush the clone gave you when he made such comments.

“Feel better?” He asks you.

But you don’t answer him.

You’re too annoyed and too tired to even talk.

“Back to not listening again already…” Crosshair says as he clicks his tongue at you.

You see red…

You hadn’t meant to, it was pure retaliation at the clones comment but you had picked up a small rock and launched it towards him, hitting the top of the helmet he still had on.

There was a few seconds of silence between you both, perhaps Crosshair was figuring out if you really did what you just did.

Your eyes were trained directly on the lenses of his helmet yet you didn’t catch just how quick he had moved.

He closes the small distance you had between yourselves in one movement, pushing you further into the rock you were propped up against.

Your back arched across its surface, the jagged coldness of it digging in as his arms pushed your own back down to your side, almost all his weight bares down on you to hold you in place.

With your arms being made redundant, you choose to kick out your feet to try to get him to let go but he places his legs either side of yours leaning up on his knees, his thighs almost crushing yours in between. 

His helmet is so close to your face right now, you can almost see it fog up under the steam from your breath.

You just bore your eyes into the lenses, hoping that he’s looking at them back, knowing just how mad he’s made you right now.

“You need to calm down” Crosshair states, breaking the silence.

You don’t say a word, as you try to buck your hips up to get him to move off of you but he clamps his legs down on your waist.

If you weren’t so worked up right now, you probably would have noticed the hardness of him wanting to push through his cod piece.

“Do as you’re told for once” he snaps at you but this time his voice sounds a little bit raspy.

His comment about your lack of compliance annoys you once more as you almost shout back at him “or what??”

He lets go of his grasp on one of your arms, using it to help him lift his helmet off to show you his face.

It’s the same scowl you’ve been accustomed to before.

However, this time his pupils are pooled black against the brown of his eyes.  

Those same eyes every single clone you had met previously are now searching yours. 

Searching yours for any signs, any clues as to whether he shouldn’t do what he was about to do. 

How long you maintain this eye contact with him, who knows but you suddenly feel the smooth warmth of the clones lips crash against your own.

Your eyes fly open wider as you’re taken a back from his move.

He’s kissing you??

Instead of pulling away from him, you surprise yourself and kiss him back.

Your eyes close as you dart your tongue out to meet his. 

A low groan comes from Crosshair as he feels relief wash over him that this wasn’t a stupid idea after all.

You’re needy with it, not realising just how much you would enjoy this.

You’ve always fought with him, always had something smart to reply to his comments on previous missions together.

He pushes your buttons a lot more than any of  the other bad batch members would.

And yet here you were, kissing each other as the rain still beat the ground right outside, as thunderous as your heart slamming against your chest right now.

You’re not sure how long you’re in this embrace but when he stops you miss it greatly.

“The rest…” Crosshair breathes as he tugs at the fabric clinging to your body.

“Take this off”

You do as you’re told by the Clone.

Slightly amused at just how quickly you follow his orders as he helps you pull the top half over your head, tossing it to one side.

He wastes no time in taking his own armour off, the noise of each piece hitting the floor is drowned out by the storm still belting down outside. 

You’re bared down to just your underwear now, shivering slightly you look up towards his face, you can see his eyes, full of lust, full of want.

You’ve never thought he tolerated you before, let alone liked you and yet here he was, looking hungrily as you stripped for him.

Grabbing you by your thighs, he pulls you towards him, carefully as your head doesn’t hit the large bolder you’re sat up against but also with enough force you can sense his urgency.

He practically pushes them apart, moving himself closer towards you he situates himself in between them.

You can definitely feel the hardness of him through that fabric of his now.

He leans his chest against yours, the ruggedness of the rock bites into the flesh at your back but you hardly feel it.

He uses his hand to grab you by the chin, causing your head to look up into his face as if he’s waiting for you to stop this at any moment.

You’re so lost in his eyes that you don’t realise where his other hand is until he’s pushing two of his fingers inside you.

Your mouth falls open a little at the stretching of your cunt and Crosshair is there to meet it with his own.

The kiss is a lot harder this time, as he starts to move his fingers in and out of you.

Curling them up towards your sweet spot as the moan you make is muffled by his mouth on yours.

“That’a girl” Crosshair whispers as he pulls away from your embrace.

He looks down to where his hand is making its assault on your cunt, choosing to circle your clit with his thumb as his fingers disappear further inside you. 

“Maker!” You moan out, not realising just how hot the moody clone looks right now as his half lidded eyes rake over your body, watching you as you squirm under his touch.

You always knew he was skilled with that trigger finger of his but this was one you thought you’d never get to find out.

“Crosshair…I’m, ah stars…I’m going to” Your breathing quickens as he gets you closer and closer to that goal.

He returns to kissing you as you feel that familiar feeling starting to build up inside you. 

His lips are on yours, trailing down your jaw and across your neck.

“Mmmaker!” you don’t mean to be so loud but you’re so close right now.

Crosshair nips your neck as he slows his pace of his fingers.

“Not yet mesh’la” He barely whispers to you but you hear him against your neck.

“Can you hold out…for me?” 

You know this is more of an order than a question, you want to shake your head at him.

Protest about being cut off from chasing your high with the help of his hand but you find yourself agreeing to his command of waiting.

He moves his kissing down towards your chest now, his fingers still inside you but barely moving as he focuses where his mouth is.

Leaving kisses, sucking lightly and even biting into your flesh.

You realise he’s marking you.

You will definitely be showing a trial of where he’s had his mouth on your skin.

Your breathing starts to return to normal but your heart feels like it’s at a hundred beats per second.

Crosshair lets go if his grasp on your face and moves downwards, pulling out of you with the other hand he snakes each hand around your ass. 

His head buried in the crook of your neck and with his lips still making their assault on you, he flips the both of you over.

You gasp at the quick manoeuvre, as his hardness strains against you.

He’s now laid on the spot you were previously as it’s your turn to straddle his thighs.

Lifting your ass up slightly he pulls his slacks down too, his cock now pushing to wards your centre.

He hooks his thumb around the small fabric of your undershorts, pulling it to one side as the tip of his cock teases your entrance.

“Sit” Crosshair breathes as he pumps himself a few times and you do as you’re told.

Spreading your legs a little further each side of his hips, you lower yourself onto him.

Letting out a slow moan as your walls start to sting with the stretch of him inside you.

“Make it fit, you can take me” He almost hisses out as he feels your cunt flutter around his length.

You manage to swallow him to the base.

He’s big but you breathe through it.

With Crosshair digging his fingers into your hips as you do so.

“Atta’ girl…” he praises you.

“Knew you could do it” 

His tone of voice paired with the words he’s saying to you makes you bite down on your own lip.

You start to roll your hips onto him, riding his cock slowly as you lean back to grab onto your own legs to steady yourself.

A few profanities leave his lips as well as some Mando’a as you speed up your movements.

You don’t realise you have your eyes shut until you feel a hand of the clone move to wrap around your neck. 

“Eyes on me” He says to you with the click of his tongue.

Moving your hands to rest on his chest now, you glance down and are glad to comply as the sight of him underneath you is one you want to remember forever.

The clones hand wrapped around your throat as you fuck yourself into him.

His eyes are on yours as you feel him baring into your soul, he’s looking at you like he can’t quite believe you are both here doing this.

You clenching around his cock right now.

His free hand grasping the side of your hip, almost guiding your movements on top of him.

“Stars!” You manage to choke out with his grip tightening on your neck.

The noises echoing around the small enclosure cause Crosshair to moan slightly whilst he  pushes himself in and out of you. 

He releases the hold he has on your throat and hips and pulls you down to lay flush against his chest.

Burying his head in between the crook of your neck, he wraps his arms around you, holding you in place as he starts to snap his hips upwards into you. 

“Mmmaker!” You cry out at the feeling of being so full with him inside you.

The brutal force of him pushing deeper and deeper makes you see stars.

“You…

can…

take…

me” 

Crosshair tells you in between thrusts.

Tears starts to pool in the sides of your eyes as you try to spread your legs a little further, try to take the whole length of him with each snap.

You’re going to be sore after this, you’re sure.

He moves a hand in between both your bodies, snaking it down towards your centre again, he settles his thumb on top of your clit, causing slight pressure on it, he starts to rub it as he doesn’t let up with his fucking.

“You’re going to do as I say…” He’s so close to your ear that goosebumps form across your skin as he speaks to you.

“Y/N…” He calls your name but you’re so lost in the different sensations he’s giving you right now.

Pulling his hand away from your cunt, you’re taken a back at just how quickly he moves to land a slap across your face. 

Your brain almost lags as it tries to work out what just happened but your eyes and ears focus on the clone laid underneath you as you hear him repeat his command from earlier.

“Listen to me…” he says to you as all you manage as an answer is a nod of your head.

“Do I say, you’re going to…” He started to explain his next course of action to you but suddenly gets cut off with both your comms channel erupting into life once again.  

“Crosshair…y/n?” Hunter’s voice sounded worried slightly.

Your eyes open widely as you gasp out in shock at the Bad Batch leaders voice suddenly in your ear.

Crosshair’s quickly moves to wrap a large hand of his over your mouth, stopping you from making a sound.

He lets out a huge sigh, as his other hand comes up to his own mouth now, mimicking a ‘shhh’ with his finger pressed against his lips.

He grabs his helmet, that was sat on the ground of this enclosure a few inches away, he places it over his head.

“Copy…” Crosshairs voice is low and raspy, probably due to being buried deep inside you but you’re sure Hunter wouldn’t even notice the difference in tone from his usual blunt answers.

“This storm had seemed to cut out our radio signal, but all seems to be back online” Hunter starts to explain as you’re sure you can hear Tech tapping away on his data pad in the background too.

“Great…” Is all the moody clone replies to his brother.

“You both still there? Taking cover?… Y/N?” He asks, his voice sounding slightly concerned for the lack of your replies. 

Crosshair glares at you from underneath his helmet.

He knows you’re going to have to answer Hunter to reassure the other members that you haven’t suddenly fallen off the end of the planet. 

Releasing his hold he has across your mouth, he uses the same hand to lift his helmet sightly over his head.

Only his mouth seems to be revealed to you as he puts a finger over his lips, curling them slightly making a ‘shh’ once more.

“Yeah Hunter…” your voice cracks a little as Crosshair pushes his hips upwards towards you in a slight panic.

The movement from him still being inside you, paired with the ache of soreness from his assault on your cunt makes those heightened senses of Hunter prick up.

“Everything ok?” He asks you.

Crosshairs hands dig deep into your flesh at your hips.

You can feel his cock twitching inside of you, begging him to continue his movements once again.

You bite your lip naturally which shoots desire across the moody clones body.

“Everything’s…ok Hunter” you manage to breathe out. 

“Just got caught off guard a bit, you know…with the storm” you quickly explain yourself, hoping his senses aren’t so tuned in to hear your panicked voice at the wrong choice of words.

“Right…well, rendezvous point still remains the same” Hunter says to you both.

“Rodger that” Crosshair exhales, wishing his brother to hang up this call soon.

“Stay safe both, I’m out” Hunter says cutting the line.

“Rodger that” you reply, wanting to tease the clone underneath you.

Hunter knows there’s something up with the both of you but his mind flies to perhaps a falling out.

He knows the way you both usually act towards each other, teetering closely on the edge of hate almost.

Not even with his gifted senses, would he ever guess the real reason why you both answered him with such exasperated tones.

“Dank Ferrick…” you sigh loudly.

You look down towards where Crosshair was laid once more, he’s slid his helmet back down over his face so you’re sure this signals an end to your shenanigans.

You go to get up, the muscles in your thighs feel like they groan at the movement.

“Uh huh…” the modulated voice of Crosshair now behind his mask, sends a shiver down your spine.

“We’re not done yet”

Your mouth falls open slightly and he bucks his hips up into you once more.

“But the others…they’re waiting for us?” your voice shakes.

“Then they’ll have to wait a little longer…won’t they?” He replies to you. 

Not giving you a chance to answer him, he snakes his arm around your waist, lifting you effortlessly as he changes position for the 3rd this afternoon.

Your back hits the cold cave floor.

The feel of it against your flesh causing you to gasp out.

“Cross!” 

He grunts as he rocks into you, spreading your thighs wider so he can push deeper. 

“That’s not my name!” His voice has almost fully returned to his normal, moody self as he digs his nails into the flesh of your ass, pulling downwards to cause scratches. 

“Aaah, I’m sorry” you cry out.

He lifts a leg up slightly so he can angle himself better.

Not acknowledging your fumbled apology, he starts to snap his hips into you with a brutal force.

“Ah, stars!” You moan out loud this time.

Expecting him to cover your mouth again but he doesn’t.

He focuses on the movement of your breasts as they bounce with each thrust of his.

He tightens the grip he has on your ass as he splays his other hand across your stomach, applying pressure there.

It’s his turn to moan out loud as he can feel himself rocking deep inside you.

Your head falls back against the stone floor, you arch your back out, pushing your chest upwards as you start to feel that familiar feeling building up inside you.

Your hands reach out towards him, trying to grab at his flesh somehow, one hand bunches up in the shirt of his blacks across his chest as the other tries to grip a hold of his hips.

You try and fail to slow him down from fucking you so hard and deep as his strength simply overpowers yours.

Your eyes are closed in pleasure as you know you can’t work out what that face of his could possibly be showing as it’s covered underneath the helmet.  

“Ah maker…I can’t…Crosshair I can’t…” You struggle to find your words right now.

This hurts but it feels so good at the same time.

“You…can” is all he manages to grunt back at you.

His movements start to turn sloppy as he knows he’s close also.

It’s like he loses all senses around him as his mind drowns out his surroundings.

He’s no longer inside this cold cave.

He can barely hear the light rain falling outside as the storm finishes up the last of its attack.

All he can see is you, as you take him with every thrust of his into you.

All he can hear is you, as profanities start to fall from those pretty lips of yours mixed with the noises of your skin coming into contact with each other over and over again.

All he can feel is you, as your cunt starts to contract its walls around his cock.

The screams that leave your lungs are what pulls him out of this lust-drunk hold you have on him as you orgasm.

You’re the prettiest thing he’s ever laid eyes on as he watches your body writhing underneath him.

He can’t help but pull his helmet over his head once more as you barely open your eyes to realise before you feel him come crushing down on your lips. 

Crosshair kisses you feverishly as your hands fly up to grasp his face as you return the neediness.

It’s so hot that it tips him over the edge as he pumps himself into you.

You kiss him throughout, wanting to milk every last drop of his but also knowing that this is the end game.

You would have laughed your own head off if anyone had told you what exactly you’d be doing with the moody clone today.

You’ve always found each member of the clone 99 force attractive in their own, unique way but you would have never of crossed that line with any of them.

Now however you want this moment to last, you want to be promised another moment like this again.

You know attachments in this line of work are just plain stupid but you’ve never been fucked like Crosshair has just fucked you before.

Your kisses slow as he pulls out of you so gently, nothing like the brutal pace he had just given you.

You can’t help the stupid grin that grows across your face as you watch him dress himself.

You lay there a little bit longer as he attaches each part of his armour also.

You’re not sure how long you stay there but the silence starts to creep up between you both as that same smile on your face doesn’t seem to be mirroring on the clone.

“Well” you say, trying to break the silence before it grows any bigger.

“That was f…” FUN you go to finish but Crosshair finishes your sentence quickly.

Only with a word that causes your heart to drop.

“A mistake” he says not even looking at you.

Which was a good thing as you’re sure your face would have been a picture.

“A mistake??” you scoff, anger starting to bubble up inside you.

“Get dressed” he still doesn’t glance at you as he’s almost fully suited up once more.

“The others are waiting” he turns his back on you and steps outside the opening of the cave.

Just as well he didn’t look over at you as you can feel tears start to burn the corners of your eyes. 

How stupid could you be.

You honestly thought he liked you??

‘A mistake’ is what he called you. 

A mistake.

You dress yourself pretty quickly, perhaps the anger pumping through your veins helped that. 

Pulling your poncho over your head you can feel your chest start to heave as you no longer shake due to the coldness of the enclosure but because of Crosshairs comments to you.

Your fingers bite into the metal of your sniper as you grip it a little too tightly and step outside the cave.

Crosshair is stood only a few inches away, his back still facing you.

You go to step past him, you know where the rendezvous point is yourself, you don’t need him.

You can just go find the others and then perhaps drown your sorrows at some crappy bar somewhere in the town.

You don’t want him right now is the answer you give yourself.

But when he places an arm across you, his hand grazing your hip slightly as he stops you from walking away from him, your heart skips a beat.

You glance up towards him, your eyes search for his buried underneath that helmet.

You wait for that voice of his to call out over the modulator at you.

“Not a word,” but instead his voice causes you misery once again. 

“to the others. Do you understand?” 

You hope that your voice doesn’t show just how much of a blow his cruel words are giving you right now but you make yourself answer him. 

“Rodger that” you tell him as you push past his arm and start to stalk away into the distance

[softly-potter]

Still Friends | Chapter 16: Apologize

Summary: After a chance encounter at a party, Wanda and Bucky find they have more in common than they realized.

This fic is heavily inspired by 'Friends' by my lovely friend Poppy. She is aware of this fic and I've been given permission for this marvel-version retelling! If you haven't read her dramione fic 'Friends', I HIGHLY suggest it. I fell in love with the story and couldn't help but wonder, what if it was Wanda and Bucky instead of Hermione and Draco? Thus "Still Friends" was born. Enjoy!

Pairing: Bucky X Wanda

Word Count: 33,068

Warning: smut, drug use, depression

A/N: Find the rest of the chapters here; Chapter 1: Greetings | Chapter 2: Unloading | Chapter 3: Cherries | Chapter 4: Worth the Wait | Chapter 5: Books | Chapter 6: Grief | Chapter 7: Unlikely | Chapter 8: Happy Birthday, Solider | Chapter 9: A Christmas Moment | Chapter 10: The Best Holiday | Chapter 11: Permission | Chapter 12: Revitalize | Chapter 13: Backstabber | Chapter 14: Luck of the Dead | Chapter 15: Pain Reliever | Chapter 17: Specially Gifted | Chapter 18: New Day

-

April 2nd, 2028

It's a routine now, a very simple, easy routine. He likes following it. He wakes, dresses, drives to the gym. They work out in synce, and then they fuck in said gym, or the gym bathroom, and then they shower in said gym bathroom. Sometimes Sif will blow him in the shower, sometimes she’ll bring a drink.

Asgardian liquor is the glue that keeps it all together. It happened quickly, the easy-going borderline alcoholic routine, and he found it was bliss.

“Try this one,” Sif says, pulling a bottle from her bag. It looks ancient, a thick cord wrapped around the neck. “That's some real old shit even Odin would kill for.”

“Where are you always finding these?” He laughs, uncorking it. He takes a sniff, blinks rapidly. Hesitating for just a moment, he holds it up, studies it. It probably would be too much for even him, it’ll probably cause the worst hangover. But then, he could stop hating himself. His self worth would be not gone but not an issue. He could forget about everything. About her.

And truly that's all he wants.

To forget.

To feel something other than pain.

And so he takes a gulp of the unknown liquor. It burns like fire, scorching his throat. His eyes squeeze shut as he nearly gags, staggering slightly. Sif chuckles, takes the bottle from him. “That's it, soldier.”

Bucky coughs, puts his fist to his mouth. “Don’t you fucking call me that.”

“Go home after this one. Enjoy that feeling.” Sif says, urging him to drink again. He does, stomping his foot as it blazes down.

He isn’t sure how he got home but he does. He lays on his couch, dizzy, and stays there for hours. It's the simplest he’s felt in days. The sadness is gone, or maybe it's there, but he’s too inebriated to focus on it. He puts his hands in front of his face, giggling at his wavy fingers.

Eventually the drunken state begins to wear off, and he sits up carefully, finds himself some water. He owes Sif big time, and wonders if she’ll let him buy some off her. It's definitely better than the previous stuff he’s tried.

If he didn’t have the fine-tuned senses of a killer he would’ve missed the light knock at his front door. He pauses his movements.

Swearing at the kindness of Laura, he grips the nob, flinging the door open. He wishes he’d kept it shut.

“Hey, can we…talk?” Wanda asks. She’s dressed in a cream colored sweater that hugs her torso just right, her hair loose and slightly curled, tucked behind one ear. She’s beautiful, and seeing her is like opening a wound; it fucking burns.

“No,” he says, pushing the door closed. She raises her hands quickly, red tendrils leaking from her fingertips and they push against the door. He swears, stepping away and sulking into his apartment. She pauses for a moment, then steps inside, pressing the door shut with a light click.

“Please,” Wanda sighs from behind him. “Can I just explain?” He sits down, puts his face in his hands.

“I can't do this, Wanda.”

Her footsteps are soft until they stop before him. He hears her take a breath, then feels her hand soft against his cheeks. He wants to pull away, should pull away, but it's been so long since he’s smelled her. He tips his head into her hand, inhaling deeply.

He’s dizzy with want and alcohol.

“I know I messed up,” her voice is laced with tears. “but I need you to know I fell in love with you, I really did.”

She kneels then, dropping his face and placing her hands on his knees. He’s weak, his limbs and head still foggy, and he places his hand over hers.

He wishes for once in his entire life, his brain could be wiped; but even then, it wouldn’t take away the fact that Vision is alive. It’d just take away the memory of her. Maybe that's all he needs.

Wanda lets out a shaky exhale. She cups his jaw, drags his eyes to meet hers. They’re shining, just as bright and pretty as he remembers. She swipes at his eyes with her thumb, pressing a feather-light kiss to the skin her thumb just grazed.

He missed her so much.

“Why did you do this to me?” His voice is raw, choked. He hates her for making him this weak, hates how much he loves her. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t stay,” she hiccups. “If you knew…there was a possibility that he’d return…that I was looking. I was selfish, I wanted you for as long as I could, and I’m so sorry.”

His chest aches as he drags her into his arms, and she slips her arms around his neck effortlessly, sobbing into his shirt. He cups the back of her neck, pressing the pads of his fingers into her skin.

They’re time together is over, they both know. It’s palpable, and it hurts like hell.

“I don’t deserve this, Wanda.” He sobs into her hair. “Especially not from you. Never from you.”

“You're right, you don’t. And I am so, so sorry.”

She’s sorry but she won’t stay. She can’t, not when the love of her life is alive and well. And Bucky can’t even blame her; he would’ve done the same.

[metaldragoon]

Well, I was tagged by @lordsky4ever​ to shuffle and list the first 10 songs on my playlist and post them, and I don’t want to let my countryman down.  I spent like an hour listening and writing about every song AND NOW it appears I cannot add music to a post on Desktop, so I made a separate post with those songs on my phone and then thought I’d edit in what I wrote after, but I also cannot do that on desktop.  A miserable disconnect.  Anyways, BELOW THE CCUT! you can read what I wrote about my post you just scrolled past if you want.  Thankfully the add music feature puts the songs in backwards order so everything I wrote is in opposite order so it’ll either start or end really inconveniently depending on how you read/listen, if anyone does such a thing, which I don’t expect anyone to because 10 songs is a lot and I would never do that as I find Tumblr’s music player/Spotify extension to be both inconvenient. But, perhaps you at least know one or two songs already and can read my small thoughts on that, even though half of the songs I don’t really have anything to say about it.

1. Counting Stars by Sugarcult - One of the most depressing songs of my life! I don’t recall the specifics of what I did when I first listened to it but I know who I have a lot of associated thoughts with regarding this song.  It’s a go-to whenever I’m sad and want to just continue to being sad.  I know I originally liked some other song by them called “Bouncing Off The Walls” which is probably what lead me to listening to more by them, but BOTW (I don’t think that acronym is used for anything else) is a much more upbeat song as the band is in general, and I don’t think I really vibe with much of their other songs. 2. Psychotubes by Moon Hooch - I know nothing about this band, this is just some Spotify suggested song that I really liked.  They’re described as “jazz fusion/nu jazz” but I have no idea what either of those genres mean.  They be drumming and saxophoning and it’s a good song to run to (this entire playlist was my go-to running playlist when I used to have CELLULAR DATA) 3. Low by Cracker - Kind of a grungy country rock song, reading their Wiki which is what I think I will do with every band while I listen through all these songs and speak my thoughts, it appears to be their most popular song. I do find myself particularly disliking the band name Cracker, seems like I am on to some confederate jams or something.  Spotify has already subjected me to two ad segments over 3 songs. 4. Wait and Bleed by Slipknot - I didn’t really listen to Slipknot until after high school although I would say I am a pretty big fan now, but this is the one song I consistently listened to before the rest of Slipknot presented themselves to me.  I remember in Gr. 9/10 there was a hot emo girl named Michelle that I had a crush on and always thought about when I listened to this song because the lyrics go inside “my shell” I wait and bleed but I thought it was “Michelle.” In the end I don’t believe I ever spoke to her in my life because I am a social recluse 5. Ghosts by the Presets - Another band I don’t know anything about, or at least the name “Presets” but they have a very generic pop sound that I was a little embarrassed about because I thought it might be like Coldplay or something.  Apparently they are Australian and very popular.   6. Kill Your Darlings by Mesh - I don’t know Mesh either, but I do find this song really good.   I’m confused because they have 7 albums on Wiki but they’re all red links and despite being British are just popular in Germany.  Maybe I need to get on the .de to figure out more. 7.  Shutterbug by Big Boi - Apparently this song came out in 2010 which feels weird I thought it was way older.  Anyways, I love it, one of my favourite beats and a lot of times it was the first song I sought out whence beginning my trots. 8. We Will Rock You by Queen - I remember as a kid I was convinced this song was in Final Fantasy IX but later learned that was just Kuja’s boss theme which isn’t terribly similar.  I think it’s a pretty funny song but I won’t lie it still pumps me up. 9. Never Come Down by Cunninlynguists -  I think it was two years ago I finally listened to Cunninlynguists, who I’d heard of a while ago ‘cuz their name stands out but is also kind of dumb so I never bothered, but I was really hooked once I did hear.  This isn’t my favourite song and my one hater friend criticised me for listening to them ‘cuz they do dumb lyrics I guess but I’m a big fan.  I played a lot of TRACKMANIA while listening to them.   10. peacefall by Purity Ring - Mmm I was sad one day and it was pouring out in the middle of the nights so I took a very long walk and I posted a video of the rain on here and I was listening to this song looping when I did that.  I only know like 3 songs by Purity Ring and they seem amazing but I’m bad about actually remembering to listen to bands.  I’ve been thinking a lot about songs to use for an AMV for Berserk if I ever did one and this song has been a heavy contender.

[blindrapture]

WEDNESDAY JUNE 1ST, 2011 (Kissing a Corpse)

6:00 AM Door’s knocking. Loudly.

6:03 AM It's the mod. “The Mistress wants you and the girl.”

7:15 AM Mistress is sitting atop the tallest booth in the marketplace— a makeshift throne for a makeshift God. Donnie looks tired and sick. No doubt she’s afraid. I know I am. mistress speaks. "You shouldn't be so afraid. I'm no monster. I want only what's best for my pet, and those tropers didn't make the cut. You can do better, DJay. You can do better than trusting online strangers to protect you from horrors like me." she snapped her fingers. the PA system is playing Genesis's "That's All." "God, such a cheerful and peppy song. Who doesn't love Phil Collins? Donnivan, do you like this song?" ..donnie won't answer. "Heh. I'll get it out of you. But Jordan likes it. And Jordan's who's important right now. I have a job for you, remember?" Yes... ._. "I'm sending you to the continent. I want some new converts for my cause. I'm thinking... Spanish. Yeah." >_< "But if you don't want to convert anyone for me... well, that's fine too. I can always just convert Donnie." So I have no choice. "Of course you have a choice! I just told you the choice!" Fine. I'll go. "I thought you would. It's really the most sensible plan. You'll go alone! I predict it'll take you a week. And I want you to take your journal, write down every juicy detail of the conversions! No wimping out!" Okay. >__< "Oh, but before you go, I need to get you a new suit. That current outfit? All that black? Way too depressing. Feels like a funeral here." snapped her fingers. Puppets are handing me a blue vest. white suit jacket. white pants. white trilby hat.

7:18 AM I put them on while the Puppets took Donnie away. Mistress is down here with me, checking me out. She says I look snazzy. She says she wants to make out with me, as I’m "just so attractive." …Mistress just did. It was like kissing a corpse. But still something was off. She felt too.. energetic. "I wish you the best of luck. I wish I could go with you! I wish so many things. Alas!" snapped her fingers once more, and a car pulled up nearby. I guess it's time for me to go.

8:02 AM This car is a hearse. The driver is another puppet.

8:17 AM I asked how long it’ll take us to get to Spain. The puppet said “Couple days.” He sounded dead. That doesn’t even make sense, does it? “He sounded dead.” That sounds pretty stupid. I meant he sounds.. dull. Probably.

8:35 AM I asked if we could have a little music. The puppet asked if I had any CDs on me.

8:54 AM Wait wait wait, best part, best part, shut up shut up BY THE GRACE OF GOD ABOVE, EVERYONE SURVIVED! HUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Ah, that’s hilarious. Best place for a death-metal growl ever. Hahaaa....

9:02 AM Yeaah, this is gonna be a long ride.

10:49 AM Goddamn. I mean, you don’t ever think England’s really that big until you’ve been going south for hours and still haven’t hit close to the seaside. I mean, motherfucker, you could fit England in the state of Georgia about six or nine times! Georgia wasn’t even that big! …then again, England gave us the TARDIS. Maybe that wasn’t just a coincidence.

11:11 AM I wish I had a girlfrien WAIT WAIT WAIT, I WISH I DIDN’T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, there we go.

12:04 PM I’m getting hungry. Fuck.

12:05 PM I asked the puppet driver guy if we could stop for food. He said the Mistress has already planned for several stops on this car journey. Huh.

1:22 PM We stopped. This is a service station somewhere, uh… fuck, I have no idea. I mean, it used to be a service station. Now it seems kinda abandoned. The driver said I have to go by myself. Inside. He said food will be in there. Tiger Stripes, give me strength. …wait, I don’t have Tiger Stripes FUCK WHAT, WHY DON’T I HAVE TIGER STRIPES. Driver says it was Mistress’ orders. I need a better weapon for where I’m going. Driver says Mistress says I can find a better weapon if I look around. Gah. I don’t look forward to this.

1:26 PM Pretty fucking dark in here. I don’t even have anything to defend myself. ..don’t think about it too much, Jordan.

1:27 PM I found what probably used to be the freezers. There’s some soda in here. DIBS. Crisps over here. DIBS. Donuts. DIBS. Pop tarts covered in cockroaches? Fuck that shit. ZOMBIES FUCKER FUCKER MOTHERFUCKING FUCKER FUCKJOB FUCK THE.. fuck. They’re the dull kind. The ones who stand there. And move only when I do. ..what. That one’s nooo, no, no he’s not, he’s just.. well, he’s… copying me? I mean, no, he’s.. it doesn’t look like it. It looks like he’s grabbed a notepad. And a pencil. Now he’s writing, too. He only writes when I do. He’s not copying me, though. Sometimes he takes a step forward, sometimes he flips to a new page, but he only moves when I do. I’m just.. gonna… leave. Quietly. With my soda and crisps. And donuts. ..I’m just gonna grab this Peperami here on my way out.

1:32 PM DRIVE MOTHERFUCKER DRIVE

1:40 PM The fuck was even up with that. Fuck it, fucking fuck. I’m getting some fucking sleep.

2:37 PM Motherfuckity. Driver woke me up. We’re at Dover. Gotta cross the Channel to get to France. Wait, how are we gonna cross the Channel? There’s not exactly a public boat service or anything. Driver says there’s a rabbit hole we can use.

2:58 PM Dear sweet Goddess of Fuck. Those are the cliffs of Dover, aren’t they? They’re an awesome sight. In the.. in the older definition of “awesome.” Are they supposed to be black? I could’ve sworn they were the white cliffs of Dover. Or maybe QI told me the “white” was actually a lie or something. God, I don’t even know. These cliffs are ominous, though. Pretty damn. They’re tall, overlooking the English Channel. And they’re.. well, they’re cliffs! I don’t know why the hell I’m trying to tell you how ominous they are, but.. just… huh.

3:03 PM Sorry. Been staring at those cliffs. Uh.. right, driver mentioned a rabbit hole. Speaking of, where’d he go?

3:05 PM Shit, there he is, he’s walking away COME BACK He’s leading me to the cliffs.

3:15 PM There’s a cave in this cliff. Driver says the rabbit hole’s in there; we can’t take the car. Well, here goes nothing.

3:24 PM Where the hell am I? It’s blue, that’s for sure. This is a cave of some sorts, but I get the feeling I’m definitely in that.. other dimension place. The rabbit hole land. It’s darker ‘n a rat’s ass in here.

4:20 PM I asked the Driver if he knows where the fuck we are. “We may have a bit of a problem.” What? “There’s, uh.. heh. There’s some legend that goes around about a zombie and a Puppet who tried to break free of their masters by escaping down a rabbit hole.” Well, you’re not trying to escape, are you? “No, but the legend went pretty similarly to this. They found themselves in a cave that kept on going, and when they finally reached the end of the cave, there was a monster that broke all their comprehension of the eldritch and the logical, and it engulfed them.” Can we just turn back? I mean, rabbit holes aren’t one-way. ..hello? …...

4:30 PM Okay, I don’t think he’s even here any more. I’m thinking of turning ba light The light at the end of the tunnel. I, uh.. I don’t see any monsters here. I guess I’m safe. I gueHIHIHI, oh, hi, uh right what who that’s.. kay, that’s just a guy. Not a monster destroying my perceptions of sanity and reality. Just a man. The silhouette of a man, for that’s one bright-ass light at the end of the tunnel.

4:31 PM He’s wearing a gas mask. His arms are spread, like he wants to embrace me. I, uh. Gas mask. Right. No hugs today, thank you!

4:35 PM He’s gone. Kay, that was weird, uh… INTO THE LIGHT. SWEET HALLELUJAH I SEE THE LIGHT I can’t see shit. I’m falling I’m falling I’m falflg Clocktower. This is a clocktower. I’m standing near the top. The clock is right behind me. The fuck. Ocean. Water. This clocktower is in the middle of the ocean. Or.. some.. body of water. How the fuck am I gonna get down from here?

4:40 PM Something’s on the horizon.I think it’s a boat. Looks small.

4:43 PM Sweet god diggety what. That thing isn’t so small.

4:44 PM I stand corrected; it is pretty small. I don’t think my senses of perspective are too.. fuck. Boat’s here. Um, kay, let me describe it. Let me take a good look and describe it. It’s.. a.. viking ship. The kind of ship with a.. like, a statue or something on the front. There’s only one person on the boat. I’m not sure how it’s moving. The creature on the boat is waving at me to get on.

4:45 PM That thing’s a giraffe.

4:50 PM This boat’s moving really fast. How the hell is it moving so fast, nobody’s rowing or anything and there’s no motor. There’s just that giraffe. He says his name is Jack. He has a Yorkshire accent. o_o

4:53 PM I asked where we were going. “The fifth Beacon up in't' candy land.” ..right.

5:02 PM Jack’s been standing at the edge of the boat, staring off into the horizon. Now he’s looking at me. He’s grinning.

5:03 PM He said we’re “near t' Sweet Hours.” I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

5:07 PM Dear sweet Cockroach Jesus, what the fuck is that? It’s.. I mean, it looks like a skyscraper that corkscrews and twists as it extends into the clouds. But that.. completely goes against physics— oh right, apocalyptic world and all that. ..but still, y’know? It’s just.. amazing.

5:09 PM The corkscrewscraper has some sort of.. opening by the sea level, some sort of dock. We’re going in.

5:13 PM Is that a pigmask?Oh, it’s just a dude in a pink.. soldier outfit. And mask. …wait, that’s what a pigmask is. So I guess this is a pigmask. Says his name is Jerry. Well, hi Jerry. How you doin'.

5:18 PM Elevator. Going up, I presume.

5:19 PM Yeppers.

5:22 PM My, we’ve been going up for a while.

5:23 PM DING. Floor four-hundred n’ thirty-seven: Hats, coats, scarves, and women’s clothing.

7:30 PM …okay, uh, I just woke up in a car. Backseat of a car. COCKROACH JESU oh wait, it’s just the Driver. We’re back in the hearse. Where are we now? Did I dream all that? Driver tells me we’re in France now. He asked if the rabbit hole trip was fun enough for me, so I guess I didn’t dream that. Driver says we’re making good progress. Says we should be in Spain by dawn. I asked where, exactly, in Spain we’re going. Driver says “It’s not where we’re going, kid. It’s where you’re going.” First town’s some place called Berga. This paper Mistress gave me says the first conversion will be to a guy named Tony Ferdinando. Goddamn, I’m not entirely looking forward to this.

7:39 PM Driver asked if I have any more of that stuff I put on earlier. He says he liked it. I think he meant Dream Theater. I like this guy.

10:59 PM Whoa, fell asleep. It’s not even dark outside yet. But motherfucker, France is gorgeous. Just look at that countryside. There’s a thunderstorm, sure, but it’s fine, it’s not like it’s gonna hit us or anything.

11:04 PM In the midst of the fiery carnage, I heard the driver scream as the gas tank landed right next to his face. It was then that I got up and ran. The gas tank exploded. I ran away from the explosion and I didn’t look back. I didn’t look back at the explosion. Oh my god that’s actually pretty awesome. The fire lit up the night sky, and for a moment, I could see the rain. It was flying away from the wreckage. Then the sky was clear, not a hint of bad weather.

11:11 PM I have no idea where I’m going. I wish I did.

11:26 PM There’s something in the distance, off in the countryside. It looks alive.

11:28 PM It’s a campfire. With people!

11:34 PM They allowed me into their group. There’s a couple people who speak English here, so I’m good. There’s food and laughter and hugs here. Yay. .w.

11:47 PM I’m exhausted. These kind people set up a tent just for me.

(Attached: "Goodness, way back on the first day of that short little time with the new arrival? She was crying. Kept to herself. Luckily Mistress the Harlequin let her, but then again I guess leaving someone alone for so long when they're upset is its own kind of torture. The Harlequin was pretty evil, I don't need to tell you that, but around this time she started doing something weird. She didn't spend as much time really hurting people. She.. I kinda want to say she moped. Like she was killing time, waiting for the kid to come back. None of us could say anything about it, 'cause we were still under her control, we couldn't do anything at all, but most of us were still conscious enough to be able to see that monster had a crush. 'Free will fetish' was probably right. I'd say she's so used to people fearing her, probably used to fearing herself, that she couldn't imagine somebody else might show any willingness to spend time with her. I would say that, but that'd make her sound a little human, and no human would do what she did to my family, to all our families, and to us.")

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[lifewithoutmeds]

January 28, 2023

saturday afternoon, 5:28 p.m.

finishing off the last of my laphroaig scotch with two ice cubes. the sun is setting/has just set, and i just came back from a quick 15-minute pee walk with kiwi. i’m planning on going to a Hot Flash (lesbian event) tonight at 8, so i’ll probably/hopefully be able to take kiwi out on a quick 15-minute pee walk at 7 so i feel comfortable for the night.

life with Kiwi is slowly becoming regular. on my WFH days, i walk her around 6:30 a.m., noon, and between 5 and 7, occasionally both. i wait on emails, i wonder how to fill out my timecard, and i fill my time between waiting and working with small tasks on my to-do list: make the bed, wash some dishes, let them dry/rotate them, check the mail. now it’s punctuated by three walking sessions with kiwi and two feeding sessions, and the ever-present reading, vacuuming, and checking of the mail, etc.

today i was initially supposed to go to switzer’s to hike with kiwi and rhiannon, but last night rhiannon mentioned that she’d be better up for a walk than a hike, so we met up around 10:40 a.m. and we walked to and from brand park, which took just about an hour and a half. she then played with kiwi a bit and kiwi got a bit too rough with the tug-of-war rope and accidentally bit my thumb, so i had to stop so i could rinse the blood off, stop the bleeding, and bandage it up.

i made us brunch (BLT’s), and we walked and talked and played with kiwi. around 2 she headed out and i went to the burbank animal shelter to pick up some more food for kiwi, looked briefly for hiking sandals at the local nordstrom rack, then came back home and resumed my chores/reading. it felt like a pretty productive day and i even managed to sort out/organize a couple of the kitchen drawers that had gotten a bit out of hand. such a contract to how i was feeling just a few days ago when i just felt so out of my mind, so frantic and anxious and full of some unknown dread/horror of the past/present/future. i think some of that might be due to my reduction of meds, because day to day, life has been fairly consistent and not too bad.

tonight is the Hot Flash lesbian event for lesbians 30 and over, which i’m pretty excited to go to. i haven’t been to a queer event in a while, and it’ll be nice to go to one in which i’ll be on the average/younger side for once. i also took a shower which felt nice after sweating a bit during the hike. it felt good to exert, sweat, and then wash it off, very poetic, very .... complete.

i still have another couple hours before the event and i’m not exactly sure how i’ll spend it. i’ll probably finish up this entry, take kiwi out, and maybe read?

i was thinking the other day that one time when i was talking to my aunt while she was visiting in december, and i was sort of bemoaning the passage of another year with nothing to show for it. i hadn’t lost weight, saved much money, gone anywhere, done anything, even read anything meaningful, but just gotten fatter and unhappier, etc., and she noted, that i was more rested, and i stopped and thought about that. how since starting work in the marina and especially when dating jadai, i never felt rested. i wanted to nap so badly, or just to stop, and to say no to social engagements, and just lie down. she’d get annoyed with me that all i seemed to want to do was lie down and stare at my phone, and she took it personally, but i now think that during our relationship, i was very tired, i was downright exhausted. there was dates with her, or even just watching tv shows/movies, constantly walking/taking cooper out, constantly going to queer events, fundraisers, all of her friends getting engaged/married/turning 30, etc. it seemed it was always something and i remember asking specifically if we could schedule in days in which we did nothing, in which we cleaned, and got together donations, and dropped things off at the toxic waste center (batteries, dead electronics, etc.)

so maybe i can say that 2022 was a year of rest. it felt like a wasted year, but i rested. i slept a lot. i played hours of games on my phone. i ate a lot of edibles. i mean, maybe it wasn’t productive, but maybe i just needed to survive. maybe i just needed to sleep.

this year (hope i don’t jinx myself), it’s been about productivity. budgeting! goals! no spend/low spend january! daily chores!

and already it’s been going pretty well so far. i’ve journaled regularly, read regularly (on my fourth book of the year), fostered a dog, started budgeting/saving money, and moved my CD account into another, better, higher yield CD account, as well as moved my savings to a higher interest savings account. i’m making small/modest moves with my money but that makes me feel more aware of what i have.

the next thing i need to seriously tackle is my weight, mostly, i need to eat less. i don’t want to do too many drastic things at once but i’m hoping it at least helps that i’m : walking more (with kiwi) drinking less (by going out less and trying to spend less) cooking more (fewer fancy dinners with lo and just going out in general)

i got some protein on sale (chicken thighs, rockfish, and ground turkey), and am basing meals around them: panko baked chicken with salad, battered rockfish with rice, ground turkey with marinara sauce and angel hair pasta.

things feel ok (although once more, i had 1-2 mild breakdowns just in the last few days), and i’m hoping i can keep up these fairly modest gains/wins.

[survey--s]

427.

1. Do you have any big plans for November? It’s January already - I have no huge plans as of yet - I’ll mostly be working lol.

2. What upcoming event are you most looking forward to? The private ride I’m hoping to get booked with Emma for February. Don’t get me wrong, I love the group rides but it’ll be nice to just get some one to one coaching out of the arena.

3. What was the last song you heard? Psychofreak by Camila Cabello.

4. Quote something from last night: I can’t think of anything that would make any sense, really. 5. What time did you wake up today? 9.15am. It’s going to be such a shock to the system when I have to start getting up at half seven again, hah.

6. What does your last incoming text say? It was Mike asking if I could put a towel by the door so he could dry the dog.

7. Is there a vase in the room you’re in? Not at the moment.

8. Any plans for today/this evening? Nah, a lazy day in front of the TV while I mess about online, lol. I’m back at work on Tuesday so I want to make the most of being off, ha.

9. Have you recently been insulted? I mean, not to my knowledge.

10. What is the radio in your car tuned to at this exact moment? Radio One.

11. Compared to someone else of your age and gender; do you feel that you have a lot to offer someone? I don’t really compare myself with other people - I mean, I have autism so my life is never going to be normal or comparable to a “normal” persons.

12. How many days a week do you work? Normally five days, but not full-time. Normally around 8.30am-2pm ish, and maybe the occasional hour in the evening or at weekends.

13. Are there people you feel more connected to than others? Yeah, for sure. I think that’s pretty normal.

14. Is there ONE person you feel more connected to than others? Yes. 15. Are you more like your mother or your father? I’m the image of my dad, and he also “passed” his autism on to me. 16. Where did your eye color come from? My mum.

17. Describe the pants you are wearing: I’m just wearing plain black leggings. 18. Have you ever been in a recording studio? Yeah, my old school had a recording studio. I’ve never been inside a professional one or anything like that.

19. The myspace picture you’ve had up the longest? I’m not posting my photo on here.

20. Are any of your myspace pictures alcohol related? Some of my Facebook ones are, sure.

21. What is your worst relationship quality? Not so much anymore, but when I was younger I was quite clingy and insecure. 

22. What was your most recent serious injury? Probably when I fell off Stanley last summer and ended up a bit battered and bruised. Luckily nothing was broken.

23. What were you most recently happy about? I mean, life in general makes me pretty happy at the moment, but the last specific thing was my beach ride before Christmas.

24. Are you happy with the way the Yankees are playing? I have no interest in sports.

25. Are you a fan of cake? Yeah, but I do have to be in the right mood for it.

26. What shirt have you not worn in a while that you would like to? I suppose some of my summer stuff, but nothing is coming to mind.

28. When was the last time you were hit on? Outside of my marriage, I have no idea.

29. What is the next concert you are going to and where are you seeing it? I have no plans to go to any concerts, really. We live so rurally that you have to stay overnight and it costs an absolute fortune.

30. Name someone you know who is most likely to be found at a bar on Wednesday night? Hope.

[elysianslove]

haikyuu boys that ━━

━━ would absolutely, definitely, 100% get nauseous, dizzy, possibly might faint, while their s/o is in labor. one peak and they’re doubling over the hospital bed, inhaling deeply and exhaling sharply, steeling themselves. some are surprising, some are expected. all are stupid.

iwaizumi hajime; he just cannot. he cannot fathom what is happening. there is no way you’re going through that and surviving. no wonder you’re screaming in pain. of course you’re screaming in pain. he takes one look at what’s going on and just immediately takes a step back, eyebrows raised and hand pressed to his chest like “my god.” he’s an 8/10 though because he is incredibly supportive and those arms are great to grab onto. will not complain for a second (is strangely way too quiet), but he’s worryingly pale. maybe he’s quiet cause if he speaks he’ll throw up. 

miya atsumu; he’s this close to screaming. or crying. possibly both. he can’t tell if he’s scared in general or scared for you or if he’s hurting seeing you hurting. in fact, no one can tell. he just looks like he’s watching an alien abduction happen right before his eyes. like a 6/10 because he probably does actually faint. it’s almost as if he’s the one in labor. and he’s the annoying kind of supportive that makes you want to smack him like shut the fuck up i’m pushing a whole child out of me right now. but his reactions are extremely endearing and hilarious to watch back because he most definitely insisted on filming. 

akaashi keiji; the silent struggler. really doesn’t wanna make it obvious at all. like he really, really, really doesn’t want you knowing that he’s uncomfortable in any way, but he’s like, sweating from how nauseous he is. a big part of it is hating seeing you in pain; he cringes every time you so much as groan or pant. 7/10 because he’s incredibly supportive but his hands are way too clammy :/ like fr get a grip keiji. again, supportive, but his voice is shaky so it’s like, really ineffective. he cries when he sees his baby and it automatically makes him an 11/10.

sakusa kiyoomi; absolute coward. pussy. it’s not about hygiene, he’s just genuinely mortified. keeps asking you’re okay like,,, what do you think, sir? he keeps looking even though every time he does it doesn’t get any better? question mark? you can see him visibly gulping cause he’s in so much shock. like a 5/10 because he forgets to hold your hand. just stands there. eyes wide and mouth parted like a dumb fish. chokes back on his sobs when he hears his baby’s cries and it’s adorable how he brings his hand up to silence himself so maybe he’s a 7/10.

goshiki tsutomu; please he probably has a panic attack mid labor. definitely screams with you and all the nurses and the doctor are like ???? holds your hand tighter than you’re holding his. apologizes the whole time. the whole time. like the doctor asked him if he wants to see what’s happening, which idk why they would consider that a smart idea, and he just wailed like, “baby i’m so sorry, i’m so sorry, can we just adopt?” a 3/10. he’s so cute but. bring someone else if you don’t want to rip your hair out and his. 

kageyama tobio; he absolutely tries to pretend that he’s okay but he just gets really, really quiet once you start delivering and his lips are chapped and his pupils are blown and his face is so pale. he looks like he just got off of a really bad rollercoaster. he’s not even holding your hand you’re just hanging onto an unmoving, lifeless limb. maybe 6/10, cause he could be better in the supportive department but, at least he was quietly panicking. he does have a mini panic attack once his baby is in his arms though. like just starts hyperventilating. it’s okay though! it’s actually kind of cute <3

lev haiba; actually faints. not probably. he actually faints. like all 6′5 of him just drops onto the floor by your bed and you’re like ,,, damn, guess i’m doing this alone then. he wakes up and the first thing he sees is your baby crowning and he just faints again pls. someone has to be there with you, just like to help him to you. he cannot stand straight at all, he’s leaning on the bed the whole time. 5/10 because it genuinely makes you laugh it kind of makes the pain bearable. they have to get a chair in case he just falls back cause he’s just so dizzy pls.

━━ would be so fucking annoying. who the hell let them in this room? why did you agree to this? how are you going to raise a child with them? regrets. so many regrets. 

tanaka ryūnosuke; he’s like annoyingly scared. shut up and calm down for a minute i’m trying to birth your child here. swears so much like “holy shit holy shit that’s a big baby.” like pls you’re trying to push it out of you and he has the audacity to say shit like that? treats it like it’s some sort of volleyball match like he cheers whenever the doctor praises you. maybe a 5/10 cause he’s just annoying, but it’s motivating in a way. accepts any insult you throw at him too, like he’s so on board with it. “yes, i’m absolutely a piece of shit— what do you mean you’re not getting anywhere near my dick babe wait.”

bokuto kōtarō; listen :( you don’t want to think he’s annoying but he lowkey is. he’s trying his hardest to make this an easier experience for you but you just need him to be a little quieter. like this hurts bo, calm down please. you want to match his energy but it’s literally physically impossible. he’s an 8/10 though because you doubt it’d have been possible to go through it without him. bokuto’s incredibly ripped too so he lets you hang onto him and he holds you tightly too, like grips your hands and legs so strong that it’s v physically supportive too. 

kozume kenma; he’s so. quiet. like say something kozume. say anything. he’s just wincing and cringing. 4/10 cause where’s the emotion. lets you hold his hand, like wow you should be honored. insults you back if you insult him???? like what’s that about???? when he sees his baby he does like, sharply intake a breath or whatever cause he doesn’t want to cry but he’s really struggling not to, which is kind of cute you guess. films the whole thing and does like a peace sign with a very nonchalant face but he has a filter on and the filter scans your face too except you’re like screaming. actually a 3/10. 

sugawara kōshi; he’s incredibly supportive yes, but mans will be laughing at you. laughing. at you. probably films you and is like properly giggling and laughing boisterously. is so unfazed by anything and everything he sees. he would so easily be a 10/10 but he becomes a -1/10 just cause he’s an ass. definitely like is breathless and is so mind-blown when he sees his baby. just in awe and in shock that he laughs like, “we made that holy crap.” good to have in the delivery room because he does make the atmosphere easier and more lighthearted, but,,, at what cost? your sanity’s. 

suna rintarō; the amount of times you wanted to punch him you cannot count on your ten fingers. makes some sex joke about how you’re so stretched out. you literally want to deck him. films the birthing process and makes you watch the video when you’re not even done delivering the baby? cause he’s insane i guess? justifies it as “this is a reminder of how strong you are,” like shut up with your bullshit. it’s kinda smart tho cause you can pull this on your kid later but still. he’s so fucking annoying. if you hold his hand too hard he’ll be like “it can’t be that bad stop being such a baby,” and the baby is delivered like an hour early out of spite. a 6/10 tho cause somehow you love him and decided to have a baby with him. 

ushijima wakatoshi; pt.2 to say fucking something??? he’s mostly quiet cause he doesn’t really know what to say, and cause he’s never seen you in this much pain and it’s kind of shocking him. he’s not scared though, cause it’s like, a natural process of human life and the life cycle and all that stuff, he’s just like. taking time to process it. lets you hold his hand though. also if you wanna like give up halfway through he’s annoyingly angry with you like “no. you can’t just give up halfway. stop being a coward.” like why don’t you give it a try toshi??? a 5/10. could do better. 

terushima yuuji; so hyperactive that it’s infuriating. doesn’t even hold your hand, he just stands back and observes and like cheers. literally will jump every time you push, like what the fuck, my love? makes really weird comments like “what does it feel like? does it feel like you’re pooping?” like???? it feels like i’m being torn in half yu :D a 4/10 only cause when you ask if you can slap him he wholeheartedly agrees and the doctor cannot hold their laugh back. also definitely plays like the chika dance and makes the nurses do it with him. probably films a tiktok too. you’re going to kill him after. 

oikawa tōru; he’s trying so hard to be supportive and your backbone but he’s just so jittery and nervous. he’s not going to faint or get nauseous, but he literally cannot stay still. he’s so anxious it’s making you anxious. his hands are shaking when they grip yours, but honestly, completely unbiased of course, an 8/10, cause it really is so endearing. like he’s breathlessly and exasperatingly praising you and you can tell he’s near tears just gasping back sobs so ,,, maybe he’s not that annoying. but he is. he is annoying. a little. 

━━ would be the best of the best. perfectly supportive. a lovely anchor. not too quiet, not too chatty. is so soft and gentle with you. you fall in love with them all over again. 

miya osamu; definitely a 10/10. husband material. he has a cloth that’s just patting away at your sweat. kisses your hand and knuckles. soothingly rubs at your thighs. tells you you’re doing great, that it’ll all be worth it. kisses your forehead. grins at you halfway through when you need that extra motivation. literally all the nurses and the doctor are swooning over him. he’s very nervous deep down but he won’t show it, not for a moment, for your sake. 10/10. can’t stress this enough. 

kita shinsuke; another king! so soft with you when you feel like giving up. just speaks to you in hushed tones like, “you’ve come this far, lovely. you can’t back out now. think of all the happy moments we’ll get to share just a few hours from now.” and you’re like “alright i’m sold.” completely unfazed by anything he sees. okay maybe a little fazed but he just kisses your forehead after sneaking a peak and tells you you’re doing wonderfully. 100000/10. imagine him as the father of your children???? like literally who else would you want????

aran ojiro; wow another inarizaki i sense a trend. except atsumu he’s a pussy. cheers you on quietly, holds onto your legs, breathes with you, smooths your hair back, literally just an angel. if you take a small break he just spends it quietly talking with you to get your mind off the pain. his knuckles are just caressing your jaw and cheek softly till you’ve calmed down. 10/10 obviously. he’s just the right amount of loud supportive and quiet supportive. kisses you full on the mouth when he first hears his baby’s cries and can’t stop thanking you. literally wtf he’s so cute.

kuroo tetsurō; he’s actually surprisingly very serious when you’re delivering the baby. he’s cracking jokes and all before to try and get you less nervous but it’s actually because he’s freaking out. he’s mostly quiet, just holding onto your hand as tightly as you’re gripping his. he holds his breath every time you push. keeps whispering i love you and pressing kisses to your temple. a 9/10 cause he’s so quiet it’s a little scary but he cannot hold back his tears when he sees his baby. kisses you all over your face after. 

satori tendō; very emotional. like so emotional. he’s teary eyed the whole time, just thanking you even if you hadn’t given birth yet. it makes the nurses cry too cause it’s so lovely to see him get so visibly affected by this. he’s just whispering thank you’s and i promise not to let you down ever and i promise to love you forever and you’re pretty sure he’s speaking to the baby you’re birthing at this point. 9/10 cause he made you cry :( no but really he’s a 10/10. super loving, keeps asking you if you’re okay, if you need water, need to hold his hand, anything. angel, fr. 

matsukawa issei; relatively surprising as well because you expected him to be more than just annoying, but he’s just. in awe. he’s so amazed by how much you’re going through, and he just stores it in the back of his brain. literally thanks you for the next 50 years to come. laughs endearingly with you to lighten the mood. 9/10. a point is deducted because he jokingly said that now you’ll be able to take his dick really easily. a nurse choked in shock pls. gets real close after to whisper i love you so that only you can hear. he’s just a dream <3

━━ would not let you move an inch after giving birth. all the work is on them for the next 5 years. 

all of them. not a single one is left out in this one. they’re annoying but ,,, they all love very strongly <3

end note; listen idk what this is. i had a vision where iwaizumi could not handle his s/o giving birth and the thought was actually so sweet to me, just the nurses laughing at him and he’s just breathing deeply to try and not throw up and then. this happened. anyways. this helped put me in a better mood so i hope it does/did for anyone else too! 

[queen-haq]

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 13

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 13

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Rating: R for language and smut.

Words: ~3000 words.

Summary: You’ve been sleeping with Billy Russo for a few months now. Knowing his aversion to emotional commitments, you’re satisfied with your clandestine arrangement until you catch him having dinner with Dinah Madani one night. Then it finally dawns on you. It’s not that he doesn’t want to commit, he just doesn’t want to commit to *you*.

Billy may think he knows you, but he has no idea what he’s just lost...

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5   Part 6   Part 7   Part 8   Part 9  

Part 10   Part 11   Part 12

gif credit: @bilyrusso

Part 13

It was 8 in the evening and you were still in the office. You hadn’t accomplished much work today, your mind mostly focused on Billy. You were surprised by how quickly he’d been able to make the funeral arrangements for his mother. Yesterday you had driven over to the nursing home and by the time you reached there, Carla Russo’s body had already been picked up. You’d signed a few papers for Billy and picked up the remainder of Carla’s things before you returned home. Everything of hers was packed into a small suitcase and sitting in your living room. You wanted to call him, ask him how he was and offer your support, but he seemed determined to do everything on his own when you’d talked to him last and you didn’t want to intrude.

You gave yourself a mental shake, reminding yourself to concentrate. This workday had been a wash. When you weren’t distracted by thoughts of Billy, you were putting out fires in your team. At least the personnel conflicts have been temporarily resolved, but now you needed to work on a slide deck that you’d been tasked with presenting to the executive leadership committee later in the week.

An hour later you were halfway done with your presentation when your phone rang. You glanced down at your screen to find Billy’s name on the screen. “Hi.”

“Hey.” He sounded exhausted. “You still at work?”

“Yeah. How did you know?”

There was a pause. “You give off the workaholic vibe.”

You smiled to yourself; at least he was okay enough to crack jokes. “How are you?”

“You mean am I grieving over a goddamn dead woman who preferred meth to her own fucking son?” He sighed. “No big loss. I’m fine.”

Anger and hurt saturated his voice despite his attempts to sound unaffected. Your heart hurt for him, you wished there was something you could do. “Do you need anything?”

“The funeral service is tomorrow.” A beat of silence followed. “Do you want to come?”

“Sure. What time?”

“2pm.”

“I’ll take the day off. Do you need my help with anything? Maybe I can call some of her friends?”

“When I found her she was living on the streets, barely alive but still hooked on meth. I doubt she’s got any friends.”

“What about the people in the nursing home? Maybe they want to come?”

“No, I don’t want anyone else there. Just you.”

Not liking the warmth that spread through you upon hearing his words, you reminded yourself he was probably feeling unusually vulnerable. This wasn’t typical of him.

“Do you want to come over?” he asked.

You exhaled a heavy sigh. “I would but I have so much work to do. I’ll be here for another hour at least.”

“Come over after you’re done.”

“It’ll be really late.”

“That’s fine. I can wait.”

“I can stop by my place to pick up your mom’s-.”

“No, it’s okay.”

You realized he wasn’t quite ready to go through Carla’s belongings yet.

“Bring your stuff with you.”

“Stuff?”

“Overnight bag, clothes for tomorrow, whatever.”

“Oh. You want me to stay over?”

“Yeah, might as well. We can drive over together for the service tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

Despite the conversation coming to a natural end, he wasn’t hanging up. It seemed as if he was reluctant to be alone, probably because that meant dealing with the complicated emotions for his mother. You knew exactly how that felt. “If you want, I can leave now. I can work from your apartment instead of the office.”

“You’re not worried I’ll be tempted to spy on Valiant stuff?” he teased.

You smiled. “As if I’d let you see what I’m working on.”

“Guess no corporate espionage for me tonight.”

“Still going to keep you away from my laptop.”

He chuckled. “Just get here. I promise not to bug you while you work.”

“Okay. I’m leaving now.”

“See you soon.”

After you hung up, you started gathering your things together.

***

An hour later, you were at his place. When he opened the door, you immediately grew concerned at how tired he looked. Traveling back and forth from Vegas plus dealing with the news about Carla’s death within the last few hours meant he was absolutely exhausted.

“Hey,” he greeted you, smiling as he took the overnight bag from your hands.

You removed your heels while he took your bag inside his room and then made your way to his living room. While his penthouse suite was much bigger than yours, you actually didn’t like it very much. Despite the high-end finishes and the beautiful interiors - Billy had obviously hired a designer to make the place look good - it always felt very cool and inhospitable to you. It was too perfect and you always felt out of place inside the suite.

“You hungry?” he asked, coming up behind you. “I ordered dinner for you.” Arms encircling your waist, he dropped a kiss on the back of your head as he maneuvered you to the kitchen. He’d laid out the food for you on the dining table, and from the take-out containers you knew it was from one of your favourite Indian restaurants. The thoughtful gesture surprised you, you weren’t used to that from him. Noting that he’d only set the table for one, you turned around to look at him. “You’re not going to eat with me?”

“I ate already. I was starving. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” You cradled his face with one hand, your eyes roving over his beautiful face as he placed a kiss on the fleshy part of your palm. “You look exhausted. Did you even sleep?”

“No” He leaned back against the kitchen counter, weary. For a moment he closed his eyes, simply holding still, and you found yourself wrapping your arms around him in a hug. You didn’t understand why you’d even initiated the embrace – hugs were never your thing – but seeing him so beaten-down you were desperate to comfort him. He leaned into you, his body flushed against yours, and you held him tight. Stroking the nape of his neck, you placed a soft kiss on the center of his forehead. “Why don’t you take a nap while I work?”

“You don’t mind?”

You smiled up at him, running your fingers through his hair. “At least I don’t have to worry about you stealing my company secrets while you sleep.”

He smirked. “You’ll be here when I wake up?”

“Yup. Probably still working away.”

Billy grazed your temple softly before dropping a tender kiss on the tip of your nose. “Okay, but eat first.”

You nodded your head, watching after him as he sauntered out of the kitchen and disappeared down the hallway.

Sighing, you went to the sink to wash your hands before eating.

***

It was after midnight and you were still working on your slide deck when you heard Billy puttering around in the bathroom. Soon he slowly made his way towards you, dressed in a t-shirt and black boxers, his hair all messy. He yawned lazily, falling onto the other end of the couch.

“I thought you’d sleep through the night,” you remarked.

“Are you still working?” he asked.

“Almost done.” You saved the file and shut off the laptop before slipping it back inside your bag.

Suddenly he pulled you closer and you found yourself tucked underneath him on the couch as he glanced down at you from above. “You work too hard.”

You smiled up at him. “They don’t pay me the big bucks to sit there and look pretty.”

A slow, incandescent smile curved his lips. “I would. If I ran Valiant, you’d be my personal stress relief. You’d be in my office the entire time and do nothing but look pretty and service me.”

“That’s sexual harassment.”

Billy shrugged his shoulders. “Whatever. I’d make it worth your while.”

You laughed, angling up to kiss him. “Your breath is all minty fresh.”

“I brushed my teeth for you.”

“Wow. Be still my heart.”

A warm grin covered his face as he shifted down your body to nuzzle your neck. His weight was heavy as he rested atop you, but you liked the solid feel of him on you, the way you felt all safe and warm. You stroked his hair while he drew lazy circles on your chest, the silence between you two comforting.

“No one knows about her. Not Frank, not Curtis, no one.”

Those names were familiar to you because Billy had mentioned them in passing a few times. Of course he’d never shared any other info, but you being you, you’d dug around and found out more about them. You knew they’d served with Billy and he considered them his closest friends.

“When I found her three years ago, I put her in that home and forgot all about her.”

“You visited her every week,” you reminded him.

“Because I wanted her to regret abandoning me. I wanted her to see how far I’d come, I wanted to throw her mistakes in her face. But I don’t think she regretted safe-havening me, not even a bit.”

The bitter pain in his voice made your heart hurt for him.

“Maybe I should be happy she’s finally dead, or maybe I’m supposed to be sad or something.”

“How do you actually feel?”

“Nothing. I feel nothing.”

“Billy, I think that’s normal. There’s no right or wrong in this. All of your feelings are valid.”

“Even if her dying made me absolutely ecstatic? You wouldn’t think I was a fucking psychopath?”

“You are a psychopath but not because you have conflicting emotions about your terrible mother dying. You have the right to feel how you feel about her, whatever that might be.”

Eyes blazing with emotion, he hovered about you to meet your gaze. “Then what makes me a psychopath?”

You quirked your eyebrow. “The fact you want to torture my dates.”

“Not just torture, I want to kill them.” Eyes darkened, voice velvety-smooth, he covered your mouth with his and ravaged you with a kiss that left you thrumming and breathless.

“Only you’re allowed to touch me?” you asked through labored breaths.

“Yes.” His voice was a lustful rasp, his mouth leaving a heated trail as he sucked on the oh-so-sensitive corner of where your neck and shoulder intersected. Sparks of electricity ran down your spine. “Only me.”

You took his hand and guided it down your body, parting your thighs for him.

Like always, you were soon completely lost in the erotic pleasure of his mouth on you. Your legs hooked over his shoulders, your hands grabbed the back of the couch for support as he fucked you with his hands and mouth, sucking you, licking you, his tongue flicking over your clit until you were keening under him. Body arching off the couch, you moaned his name louder and louder until he drove you completely over the edge.

Then you felt a light slap on your cunt which immediately brought you back to reality. Opening your eyes, you found Billy perched between your legs, gracing you with the most wicked smile. “That’s one.” He slapped your pussy again, this time his long, lean fingers ever so slightly grazing your clit and your hips bucked, wanting more. “As promised.” His eyebrow quirked up. “Punishment.”

“Not fair,” you protested. “I’ll date who I want.”

He slapped you again, a little harder this time, but then he leaned down to place comforting kisses on the very spots he assaulted and you moaned with pleasure.

“All of you.” His tongue lapped over your clit, eyes locked with yours. “Belongs to me. I own you.”

“You don’t!” You squealed when he flipped you over unexpectedly, grabbing you by the hips so your ass was lifted of the couch. And then he squeezed your butt cheeks, biting them lightly before he started rimming you.

***

After sharing a shower the two of you were laying in his bed, your back pressed against his chest as you both stared up at the ceiling. His one hand was intertwined with yours, the other arm circled around your hips. The two of you didn’t have sex but you didn’t mind. You were both fatigued.

“I smell like you now,” you murmured, realizing the soap in his shower had left its scent on you.

“I know. I like it.” He squeezed your fingers. “I have a present for you.”

“I hope it’s not earrings again.”

He chuckled. “No, not earrings.”

“What is it then?”

“Jewelry.”

You turned back to look at him. “What? Like a necklace?”

“Something like that. Except I’m the only one who’ll see you wearing it.”

“Ah. And where is this gift?”

He kissed the top of your head. “Not here yet.”

You smiled to yourself. “People usually wait until they have the gift in hand before telling others about it.”

“I couldn’t wait. I’m excited to see you wear it.”

He stroked your hair, and your eyes grew heavy. Soon you started falling into deep slumber, feeling calm, comforted by Billy’s arms around you.

“What happened with your family?”

Your eyes flew open. Like always, any mention of your family unfurled anxiety within you. You didn’t like thinking about them letting alone discussing them. “They passed away.”

“They’re dead?”

“Yes.”

“Both of them?”

“Yes.”

He pulled you up so you were facing him now, his intoxicating gaze completely focused on you. “That day when I asked you about the pictures, you said you weren’t close to your family.”

“I meant my extended family. I don’t keep in touch with them,” you replied smoothly.

“What were your parents like?”

Irritation surged through you at his obtrusive questions but you had to remind yourself he just lost his mother. He was feeling out-of-sorts, working through his grief – even if he didn’t think so – and he was reaching out to the only person in his life that knew about his mother. “Normal.”

He simply stared at you for a long time, studying you, saying nothing. “Normal,” he repeated, finally breaking the strained silence.

You shrugged your shoulders, dropping your gaze to the base of his throat so you didn’t have to hold his piercing stare. “Yup.”

“How did they die?”

“Car accident.”

“You miss them?”

“Of course,” you lied.

He reached out to cup your face, his thumb stroking your cheek. “So you grew up with great parents, white picket fence and all that bullshit? Sounds like you had a fairytale childhood.”

“Can we talk about this tomorrow? I’m really tired.”

“Sure. I’ll add this to the list of all the other shit we’ll talk about someday.”

He sounded almost angry with you and you weren’t sure why. Before you could question him, however, he pulled you close so you were snuggled against his chest and the warmth of his body was enough to silence your brain and lull you to sleep.

***

It was a cold, crisp autumn day in New York. The outdoor service, attended by only you and Billy, was short and quick. Throughout it, he’d gripped your hand even though he’d been outwardly calm and collected. Even now as he stood a few feet away from you, impeccably dressed in a black suit, his dark eyes hidden behind a pair of aviator sunglasses as he stared out at the pond, you sensed he was a complete mess inside. You didn’t know what to say to him so you simply sat on the bench, both of you in an isolated corner of the garden. Eventually he came to sit beside you, taking your hand in his.

“I’d have given her the whole world.” His voice was filled with pain and longing as he removed his sunglasses and tucked them in the upper pocket of his suit. “I would have given her anything she ever wanted.” Billy’s eyes met yours. “If she’d just wanted me.”

You scooted closer to wrap your arms around him, breathing him in as he sunk into you. His hands caressed your back, his grip on you so tight you almost couldn’t breathe. After a while he rested his forehead against yours, his eyes holding you prisoner in front of him.

“Swear to me you’ll never leave.”

“Billy-”

“Promise me!”

“I can’t.”

“It wasn’t a fucking request, Y/N.”

You tried to pull away from him but he fisted the back of your hair, holding you in place.

The raw urgency in his voice played havoc with your emotions. If you closed your eyes, just for a moment, you could shut out all the doubts in your head and simply believe him - but you could only live the fantasy for a short moment before reality forced its way back in. “You don’t mean those words, Billy.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because you don’t feel that strongly about me.”

His eyes narrowed, glaring at you with hostility. “You’re gonna tell me how I feel?”

“I’m not what you want.”

“And what do you think I want?”

You gave him a sad smile. “The best of everything. Best car, best clothes, the most beautiful women in your arms. You want all that because you need others to want what you have.”

“Is that so wrong?”

You shook your head. “No, there’s nothing wrong with that – except I don’t fit into any of those categories. You want a woman like Dinah Madani. I’m not her. So eventually this thing between us will end.”

His jaw was set in a grim line, eyes burning bright with rage. “So you have me all figured out, huh?”

“Don’t get mad. You know it’s the truth.”

He yanked you closer, crushing you against him. “It’s been me against the world for as long as I can remember. But when I look at you.” His eyes softened, mouth parting as his dark gaze roamed over your face. “I don’t feel alone anymore.”

Your heart melted. The tenuous handle you had on your self-control disintegrated completely. You closed your mouth over his, kissing him frantically as he picked you up and straddled you across his lap.

He pulled back to look at you. “You’re my home. You’re all I need.”

Part 14

A/N - As always, all of your feedback, comments, asks, likes and reblogs are deeply appreciated. They truly inspire me to keep writing, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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