#i haven't even watched love syndrome yet

[pharawee]

I love Chains of Heart. I really, really do. I just wish they'd had more time or money or idk to have better script editing. This series could be so much better with a tighter script.

This week especially could have been incredible without all the repetition (I get why they did it and I get that flashbacks and circular storytelling are a staple of Asian drama but imo it went way over the top and deprived us of scenes and reactions that could have shown us more of the actual fallout of everything that's been going on.

Slightly off-topic but I love the sfx make-up here. The blues and greens of the fresh bruises and the texture of the scraped skin are so well done (lmao I'm not being creepy, I swear, I used to do cosplay and I love my bruise-wheel). And the bruises actually change between scenes too, showing the passing of time (or maybe Lue has supernatural healing now, who knows).

But yeah, this is what I was talking about. I wish we'd actually seen this conversation happen (rather than just the beginning of it) instead of more flashbacks. And yes, it's not strictly necessary for the narrative. It's just that I want to see more of Hin/Marc Pahun and I was so curious about his reaction once he'd figured it all out.

Same with these two. They wasted a whole scene on Deedee waking up and deciding to go for a hearty breakfast. Instead, he could have called Phayu to make the connection between them clearer. This one short slip-up on Deedee's part is the only hint that he's the one Phayu sent to watch over Ken.

Also, this bit with Nott. I don't know if it's because they're planning a spin-off with Nott and Guy (I'm all for it!) but I don't think anyone who hasn't read the novel(s) will necessarily realise that Nott has genuine psychic powers and that this is a perfectly reasonable thing to happen in the author's book universe.

(It could have been even more confusing, though. There's a bit in the novel where another one of Phayu's friends (it's ok, he has his own novel too) conjures up Peter Lue's ghost because apparently he's hanging around and is understandably worried about why someone stole his whole life.)

This to me was the strongest moment in the whole episode (sorry Ken, I'll get to you in a bit). I was waiting for Hin to figure things out and confront Din about it - even more so since I realised that Hin is actually the oldest sibling (never mind that Marc Pahun is over ten years younger than Boom Raweewit - but I don't even mind since Hin is described as incredibly pretty in the novel lmao. Plus, Din is wearing the face of a presumably older man).

I love the way he chose to confront him via the phone call to make the evidence against Din/Lue even more damning. And I love Hin's (extremely justified) anger, and the way he broke down Din's walls (which must have been something Din was yearning for anyway).

So Lue has an evidence board. Good for him. I half-expected his lair to be filled with photographs and sketches of Ken but apparently he's way more focussed than that (but it would have been super creppy and a nice comparison to Ken's walk-in photoalbums).

Lue/Din also has a whole superhero closet and wtf are you even going to use these weapons for? What, are you going to duel Ingpha with a bat'leth (also do I spot Gun/Fin's garrote)?

But I find this bit even more interesting. Ken is doing something to Lue's phone. Maybe he'll use it to track him down next week? Because it seems like Din/Lue is already planning to leave again. He#s got to see this through, after all.

And then there it is. The big confrontation. Only, I was a bit confused at first until I realised that this is all Ken can do to give in. And at this point there's really no reason to talk about the past anymore. It can't undo the hurt and the pain. It can only destroy what could be a new beginning. There's always going to be an unbridgeable gap between who Din was then and who Lue is now. So Ken finally grants Din/Lue his wish:

And it works, in a way.

Imagine how dizzying and disorienting it must be when your heart feels one person and your mind sees another. But eventually...

I love how this scene is all passion and (re)discovery and as such it mirrored Din and Ken's relationship. But it's also far more gentle and loving and new for them.

And remember when all Din/Lue dreamed about was this:

Well...

It's ok that they forgot the scars. I don't even mind. 😭

Which brings me to Inspector Don aka Poppy my beloved:

And despite the preview for next week I'm still convinced he's a good guy. What other reason is there for him to keep all of this to himself? Plus, he seemed concerned rather than angry (or evil lmao).

So I'm guessing he's actually doing a much, much better (and legal) job of bringing Ingpha down. Negl I'd love for him to save the day, close his case and show that Din's whole quest for vengeance was completely pointless.

Because honestly, was it all really worth it - even if Chief Ingpha is going down in the end?

[etherfabric]

Encouragement from your Spirit Guides

Choose a pile by which picture you resonate with the most.

If your mind is too busy to clearly decide, take a few deep breaths, and use the finger of your non-dominant hand to hover over the images. One will give off the most subtle yet prominent signals, like tingles, a magnetic pull, or temperature. This is your pile. Multiples are also possible.

You are the ultimate authority over your life. I merely provide my perspective. Sometimes the Universe lines you up with something that doesn't resonate with your truth, so you have contrast to find out what does. Never give away your power.

Pile 1

The Fool, 9 of Swords

Ditch the phrase "Do it scared." When you bulldoze through your fear, you hurt yourself. It is a part of you that you will never transcend, because you need it. You can't expect any sustainable outcome from this violent approach. Your Spirit Guides see your efforts and want you to know that you hit the mark a long time ago already, and they are doing all they can to line you up with more positive experiences. They don't want you to use force against your most vulnerable parts for the sake of progress that is not even due yet.

You were told by misguided people that you are too sensitive, too slow, too lazy when you feel comfortable. This is not the case. The Universe likes slow. It likes gentle, loving approaches. It will meet you where you are at. Trust in your innate worth of good things, and don't whip yourself to places and situations you aren't ready for. Good things will come - for example the much calmer state of mind you will have once you don't betray your own trust anymore by ignoring your boundaries. You deserve kindness, patience and everything you need to feel safe. Listen to your fear. It needs your love.

Pile 2

Strength, King of Cups

Standing ovation for your emotional resilience! Your Spirit Guides are so freaking proud of you. You found a place within yourself where you can watch the waters of your soul ebb and flow in sovereignty. Even the stormiest currents can't rock you enough to lose your focus on what's important to you. You exude an air of compassion towards yourself that is inspiring.

What you deemed impossible and beyond your depth not so long ago is now already second nature to you. What an evolution to witness! Take pride in the thousands of conscious impulses that led you here. Let the imposter syndrome swim its laps, you know where it stems from, and you know that's not the whole story.

Beware of your knack for arrogance, the other end of that spectrum, and the future looks peachy.

Pile 3

The World, The Moon

Your Spirit Guides want you to know that there is closure to a deep rooted doubt on the horizon. They way you are carrying yourself in the last few days is amicable, and benefits the integration of one of your deepest wounds. Healing comes in many forms, and you have experienced a good handful of them already. Buckle up for a whole new variant of dimension in this regard - things you deemed lost forever will be ever so close to your grasp again and provide you with a surge of motivation you couldn't imagine before.

When the shadows of the past cloud your judgement, hold onto the smidge of light creeping through, especially when it seems like a lukewarm joke that just can't be true. From the perspective of despair, hope always seems ridiculous. Well, get a little silly, then. Dancing naked might sound like the worst humiliation, but only to those who haven't tasted that kind of freedom yet. Get ready to hear the music soon.

Pile 4

Two of Pentacles, Queen of Swords

Oh how you are chopping down that bullshit quickly! No time for nonsense is written all over your forehead, and for the metaphorically illiterate, you have no trouble spelling it out ever so clearly. Your Spirit Guides are in awe of your determination when it comes to your boundaries. You are loyal to your highest principles, no matter what. You know for certain that your wants and needs have a valid foundation, and you won't tolerate any projected shame on that part.

In the past, people could drag you into psychological tug-of-wars that left you off balance either way, whether you "won" or "lost". Now you smell that game from a mile away and don't even touch that rope. Just one little advice: Choose your battles. Not every boundary has to be set in stone, and not every crossing of one is a fundamental failure on your part you have to avoid at all costs, or else. Humans are multitudes of parts, all with their own unique set of requirements, and context is always a factor.

But still, look at you and how far your shadow work around speaking up has taken you! Who would've thought that one day you would need a reminder that soft is okay, too? ;)

[childrenofcain-if]

Hiii, I hope you have a nice day. I just want to tell you that since I found your story I haven't stopped thinking about it and the characters. The way you write is amazing and I can tell you know what you are doing. As someone who writes in her spare time I must say I am in love with your writing. ✨

But seriously, you write very well, I hope the universe gives you health and lots of motivation to continue with your projects.

Now, C is the most popular Ro and I get it, it's mine too, but I want to know more about the others too. Hahaha

I don't know if you've answered this yet, from what I've read you haven't, and that's fine if you don't feel like answering or don't have time.

What would you say is the Ro's way of dealing with jealousy?

Will there be any characters who are jealous of other Ro's?

And also, what kind of voice would you describe for them? How do you imagine their voices?

Oh oh, and will there be some difference in the way Ro's interact with different MC's?

Thanks for reading and for sharing your talent with us, and sorry for talking so much and asking so many questions. Hahaha

Pd: soooo we already have amazing Ro's but is there a possibility of having you as one of them? pls 👉👈🌸

i’ve gotten so many asks about my writing and ngl, i was very surprised because imposter syndrome is a bitch and i have a hard time being happy with anything i write. y’all have made me so much more motivated and confident in my writing and i can’t thank you enough. this is to let you know that i’ve read all the sweet and supportive asked you’ve sent me and i’m eternally grateful for everybody who have faith in me and this story 🫶🏻

okay, sappy axel aside, let’s dive into the questions:

what would you say is the ROs’ way of dealing with jealousy?

C LACROIX

C’s jealousy is a quiet, smoldering thing, more akin to a slow-burning ember than a raging fire. it begins as a mere flicker, an unsettling gnawing at the edges of their mind, something easily brushed aside in the beginning. but it grows, consuming them in small, imperceptible increments.

they don’t lash out; that would be too obvious, the action of someone too insecure. instead, their jealousy manifests in control—sharp, calculated moves to reassert their dominance, their superiority. a barbed comment here, a subtle maneuver there, each action designed to tighten their grip on what they perceives as theirs.

C cloaks their jealousy in a façade of indifference, even as the venom coils tighter around their heart. the game, after all, is not about emotions—it’s about winning. and C Lacroix does not like losing.

V NÆSHOLM

V’s jealousy is a battle of wills, fought not just with the outside world but within themselves. raised on the virtues of patience and self-restraint, they resist the initial sting, the impulse to confront. V does not crumble at the sight of competition; rather, they internalize it, turning their attention inward, wrestling with the dichotomy nature of their feelings.

they pray, of course—they always pray—seeking strength to overcome what they see as a personal failing, a momentary lapse in their otherwise steadfast faith. but jealousy lingers, seeping into their thoughts like a persistent shadow.

it is a test, they tell themself, one they must pass without faltering. and so, V watches, waits, and suffers in silence, until the day when they can either forgive or be forgiven.

W OSTENDORF

W’s jealousy takes the form of a timid, creeping thing, a quiet dread that blooms slowly and without warning. it unsettles them, making them feel small, insignificant. they know what it is but can’t quite bring themself to acknowledge it. it’s easier, safer, to pretend it doesn’t exist, to bury it beneath layers of strained politeness and mild-mannered smiles.

when jealousy takes hold, W retreats into themself, seeking solace in routine and familiarity, as if by doing so, they can keep their ever-growing at bay. they avoid confrontation, preferring to suffer in silence rather than expose this chink in their armour.

they convince themself that it’s nothing, just a passing feeling, that they’re above such negative and petty emotions. but deep down, they know that their jealousy is simply fear dressed in a different guise—the fear of being overlooked, of never being enough for anyone, much less you.

D DIACONU

D’s jealousy rears its head as a raw, visceral thing, a sudden and overwhelming force that they’ve never quite learned to control. it ignites quickly, like a match struck in the dark, flaring up in an instant and consuming all rational thought. they feel it in their chest, hot and suffocating, and their first instinct is always to fight—to claim what they believe is rightfully theirs.

but D is also scared, terrified of the depth of their own emotions, and so they pull back, lashes out in unexpected ways, the anger masking a deeper fear. they’re torn between the desire to protect what they love and the dread of being inevitably hurt again.

in the end, D’s jealousy is as much a reflection of their insecurity as it is their passion—a volatile mix that will leave anyone restless, yearning, and perpetually on edge.

M WHITLOCK-SINGH

M’s jealousy is a cold, calculated affair, more of an intellectual exercise than an emotional response. they analyze it from all angles, as if it were a puzzle to be solved rather than a feeling to be experienced. they don’t let it show; that would be beneath them, unbecoming of the “paragon of styx.”

instead, M channels their jealousy into ambition, using it to fuel their drive, their need to prove that they are, indeed, the best. it’s not that they don’t feel it—they do, acutely so—but they refuse to be ruled by it. jealousy, in M’s eyes, is a weakness to be mastered, a flaw to be overcome.

and so they play the long game, biding their time, waiting for the moment when they can subtly, almost imperceptibly, reclaim their rightful place without ever lowering themself to the level of those low-level thugs who provoke it.

will there be any characters who are jealous of other ROs’?

i didn’t understand this question fully, but i’m guessing you mean amongst the ROs? if so, C would be more jealous of D if they ended up dating the MC and vice-versa. W is jealous of any ROs who date MC lmao, but they’ll try their best to temper it down.

and also, what kind of voice would you describe for them? how do you imagine their voices?

C LACROIX: silky and husky, with a slightly cold, detached quality.

cédric’s voiceclaim would be tom hiddleston, while céline’s would be ella purnell.

V NÆSHOLM: gentle, warm, and steady, with a soft, almost lyrical cadence.

vance’s voiceclaim would be jordan fisher and for vanessa, it’s the same as her faceclaim, taylor russell.

W OSTENDORF: soft and slightly breathy and raspy, with almost a drawl that surprisingly makes them sound sincere most of the time.

for wilhelm, i’d say andrew garfield comes to mind. wilhelmine definitely has gracie abrams as her voice.

D DIACONU: deep, rough, and slightly smokey. there is also a gritty edge that comes out when their emotions are getting intense.

dumitru’s voiceclaim is definitely jacob elordi, while imma have to give dumitra to sophie thatcher.

M WHITLOCK-SINGH: polished, refined, and posh, very articulate with a natural commanding tone.

maxwell’s voiceclaim would probably be a mixture of benedict cumberbatch and dev patel. i knew from the conception of maxine as a character that i wanted simone ashley to be her voiceclaim.

and will there be some difference in the way ROs interact with different MCs?

ooh definitely. it largely depends on your character’s personality and choices tbh, but don’t worry, there’s no weird stat system for that. you don’t have to kiss their asses all the time for them to treat you nicely, however, you shouldn’t be overly rude either because that’s going to lose friendship/romance points.

i guess what i’m trying to say is that your MC doesn’t have to be a complete doormat to progress with their platonic/romantic relationship with the ROs. some of them, like C and M, might even start softening up if the MC is more of a gentle/shy type.

[absolutebl]

There was a surprising amount of sex in Be Mine Superstar! I really wasn’t expecting it…. Similarly, Love Syndrome had a LOT less sex than I was promised by the trailer…

Are there any BLs that had either many more or many less NC scenes than you were expecting before you started watching them?

BLs that exceeded (or underperformed) sexy expectations

Interesting question. So far, not that many Thai BLs. But I think that's just because I pay attention to the pairs and the actors in Thai stuff, and you sort of get a feel for what they will (and won't) take on. So in your examples: I know JaFirst did high heat so I expected the producers to lean into that advantage as part of BMSS because, frankly, it didn't have much else going for it.

I haven't watched Love Syndrome III yet but knowing Frank I wouldn't expect it to go super high heat in terms of actual physical contact.

I guess the ones that have surprised me are mostly out of Thailand are pulps that I knew nothing about going in. Let me see...

Thai BL that ended up being way hornier/better than I expected

Secret Crush On You - such a weird show but BillySeng brought IT, whatever IT is, they got it.

Love in Translation - yeah, what happened in that sauce isle boys? Very saucy. Whatever pun, more please.

2 Moons 3 - about on par with ForthBeam from 2 Moons 2 but nothing else in the previous 2 series would lead one to expect the horny we got in this show on the main.

Second Chance - yeah it was a throw away pulp and this studio is hit or miss on chemistry but it had one of the best kisses of its year.

Big Dragon - I don't know what I expected form the trailers, but it wasn't as good as it turned out to be. Don't get me wrong, the rest of the show is naff, but the chemistry/heat levels are scorching.

Ghost Host, Ghost House - generally the horror stuff doesn't do chemistry well, but these two have some of the best chemistry EVER put into a pulp. I really hope we see more of them.

KinnPorsche - It's no secret I'm not as wild about this show as most, but I did think the VegasPete stuff was unexpectedly killer in all ways.

Oh My Sunshine Night - yeah it was exactly what one expects from OhmFluke but THE SIDES!!!! I mean... WHAT? I'm not mad, just pleasantly surprised.

TharnType - Okay but remember at the time what we'd had from Mame was LBC (relatively low heat) and other Thai stuff I was familiar with at the time was Make It Right, Love Sick, SOTUS, and UWMA. TT was way higher heat that I'd seen from Thailand before. And then...

Why R U? - ZeeSaint's "away trip to the beach" full on sex scenes plus repping for verse was just crazy at the time. Especially since Saint played Pete in LBC before this and Zee was new to BL. Add that to the very odd and disjointed (and miss-matched) SaifahZon counter story and WRU? was this insane all over the place viewing experience, including the heat levels. There was this "what will they do next?" kind of tension over the production. Not the story (because who was following that?) but the PRODUCTION. At the time, it was welcome, but truly bonkers. What a way to drive narrative tension... pure high heat chaos.

Thai BLs where chemistry failed meet my (relatively low) expectations

My Ride - honestly, if they had just gotten the kiss right this might even have earned a 10/10 from me

Unforgotten Night - ugh

Bite Me - double ugh

Friend Forever - I know I'm the only person who watched this but why could we not have gotten ONE kiss from the leads?

Nitman - studies have since shown us it is entirely not Noh's fault... see Oh My Sunshine Night

Wedding Plan - the leads were fine, but Mame usually fails me in every way except chemistry, so "fine" is not up to her usual standards. Those standards being predominantly "they hawt together" and nothing else. There wasn't even a side dish couple to pick up the slack noodle... so to speak.

Korean BL

For most of 2022 I was consistently getting surprised by Korean BL's chemsitry when it was good but now I've settled into half expecting it yet still being delighted when it happens and is well done.

I do think Semantic Error was a bit of a seed change for them.

The problem is, now we know they can do it, we are starting to get pissed when it's bad or entirely absent.

Taiwanese BL

Taiwan is the opposite of Korea.

I expect good chemistry and almost always always get it. I struggle to think of a time when they've disappointed me (in this arena). Maybe a few? But I tend to cut Taiwan more slack than other countries because they have so few BLs and they are generally so consistent. If they falter at all, at least the side couple will pick up the slack.

Japanese BL

I have no expectations of Japan. Life as a BL fan is a lot easier that way.

(source)

[yanderes-galore]

A romantic concept of Homelander form The Boys if you will? Him as a yandere would be the worst nightmare for anyone....

I've finished season one and haven't started the other seasons but I did do my research and... oh boy.

I feel so bad for whoever is in this situation...

Concept is kept vague and may have some spoilers for the show but not too many. I hope I managed to nail his character :) I really like him as a character so I had fun with this. I just wish I included more tense situations in this as I feel I could've depicted him better. This was just a general yandere behavior observation though.

Yandere! Homelander Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Swearing, Murder, Kidnapping, Stalking, Clingy behavior, Threats, Possessive behavior, Slight delusional behavior, Attempted mind break, Isolation, Stockholm syndrome, Biting/Marking mentioned, Forced relationship, Violence, Sadism, Homelander is unhinged.

Homelander is a nightmare of a man.

Throughout the show we see him get more and more unhinged.

His own darling would feel like they're walking on eggshells around him.

Homelander, John, is easy to set off.

There's no one and nothing that can stop him as far as the people know.

Homelander struggles understanding the concept of love due to his upbringing.

Which makes his darling suffer when he attempts romantic feelings.

Or really any feelings of care at all.

Homelander is Obsessive, Possessive, Arrogant, Entitled, Intimidating, Temperamental, Manipulative, Sadistic, and Childish.

What makes him terrifying is what he can get away with.

Homelander can break the law and no one will stop him.

He can kill... he can kidnap... he can use his darling all he wants to chase this obsessive craving for love...

No one will do a thing.

Why?

He's fucking Homelander.

Homelander would at first try to ignore this obsession he has.

Even more so if you are not a Supe of any kind.

Although... Homelander will begin to crave this obsession he has.

Deep down he's vulnerable emotionally.

He craves some sort of affection, some sort of love...

Which is what pushes him to chase down his obsession no matter how you meet.

Homelander's obsession is moderate in growth, he tries to keep it in the back of his mind but it eventually bubbles up to annoy him.

So he has to do something.

Homelander would try to keep everything under the radar at first.

He is a man that likes to keep up appearances.

Homelander deals with his obsession by stalking at first.

Normally he wouldn't mind killing distractions... but he craves something from you.

Well... this makes Homelander stalk you for the time being.

He knows where you live, where you work, and he's determined to know everything.

Soon playing hero becomes the annoyance as all he wants to do is watch you.

Homelander is possessive but he disguises it as protective.

Before he acts on his obsession he still shows a strong desire to hide you away like some guilty pleasure.

He doesn't want you near Vought, he doesn't want you near Supes, and he certainly doesn't want you among the public.

When Homelander eventually kidnaps you he places you in a remote area.

The idea alone of someone else having you makes him want to level a city.

Homelander both wants to show you off yet hide you.

But he eventually decides to hide his obsession for now... for appearances.

You'll make him imperfect.

Homelander is going to force you to love him when he meets you/has you.

It comes off as overwhelming as The Homelander is obsessed with you.

You're quickly forced to give affection to him as he could kill you any second.

Homelander wouldn't mind if he managed to give you stockholm syndrome.

It only confirms that you're his.

Homelander would probably mark his darling due to being possessive, like biting for example, he's also suffocating with his need for affection.

You're as addicting as Compound V.

He needs you... so he'll make you need him.

Homelander lives off praise.

He allows his darling to call him by his real name when alone.

He also wants you to hold him and stroke his ego.

You can't ignore him.

He gets violent and annoyed if you do try to ignore him.

He feels he's entitled to you.

He's rough when kissing you and he manhandles you when holding you.

He has to be mindful of his strength as he can easily hurt you.

You have to remind him of that before he gets too eager.

His strength and tone alone intimidates you and others.

The moment he seems irritated you're scrambling to either calm him or run away.

You're one of the only things that calms him down.

He is monitoring you 24/7.

He's fast, he has X-Ray vision, he can hear everything you do.

Homelander is part of your life and you're going to like it.

Homelander has charisma due to being the leader of The Seven.

He can make you an outcast, he can threaten you not to leave him, and he can isolate you from everyone with a glare and subtle threat.

He's manipulative and you aren't sure if you can trust him ever at times.

You know he's a monster....

Homelander can be childish.

He'll tease you and force himself onto your lap for attention.

It's strange to see a man such as him act like a clingy child.

But he is not as innocent as a child.

Nothing close to that, actually.

Homelander would do things for you to earn your praise and affection.

He saved some people... he manipulated someone for you... he's killed for you....

He'd call you ungrateful if you hate what he does for you.

Homelander may break you mentally in isolation before showing you off to the public.

If you get too much attention then he has breakdowns and wants to isolate you again.

If someone stole you away?

They're dead.

He'll make it slow, too....

Homelander wants to show you to the public to confirm you're his.

You'll still be living in isolation... but you get to see the crowds, all dressed up in his aesthetic.

There's no escaping him... you can't.

Homelander is outmatched in strength and power.

He'd find you in seconds... and you'll be left to his mercy.

[e-vay]

Evay QA Bulk Post 4

Here's another roundup of questions! I'm sorry if you don't see your question answered here. I tried answering as many as I could handle. Thank you all for reaching out :)

PERSONAL ASKS

Anon asked: I don’t know if this is too personal or not, but if you feel comfortable sharing, what prompted you to make a return after not posting at all for about 3 years?

A: That's okay, I don't mind you asking. To be honest, I just suffered from art block for a very long time. I couldn't get myself to draw no matter how hard I tried. I would sit myself down and try to force myself to do it, but I just couldn't. I don't know why it went away and I don't know why it came back, but suddenly my spark came back with a vengeance! I'm back to wanting to draw all the time! I think that's both the wonderful and awful thing about creativity: you can't force it. It sucks, but hopefully I can serve as proof to others who are going through it that you can spring back from it.

Anon asked: Hi E-vay! I couldn't help but notice a few Coraline references in some of your art work, are you a fan of the film too? By the way, Sonamy 4 eva!!

A: Yes I LOVE Coraline! I never read the book but I love the movie. It fills my spooky little heart and soul!

sonicalover1345 asked: Hey, quick question have you watched Hazbin Hotel Prime video? If you have what is or are your favorite characters?

A: I haven't yet! Honestly when the pilot first came out years ago, I didn't care for it. (I love Helluva Boss, did not care for Hazbin Hotel). But I've heard a million people recommending the series and I've heard the songs because of Tiktok and a lot of the songs sound great, so I have been meaning to check it out.

Anon asked: What is your favourite Tim burton movie? 🖤

A: I want to say Nightmare Before Christmas, but to be completely honest it's probably Mars Attacks! It's so campy and funny and it has that retro horror sci-fi film feel to it, and the cast rocks. It checks all the boxes for me. I even have a Mars Attacks! print hung up at my office at work:

wind-upbaby14 asked: Just curious but what happened to that hell hath series you made and why did you stop?

A: I went through a severe art block and hadn't drawn anything for a long time, even though I had the whole script for it written out. However since getting my mojo back, I've completely re-written the story and am working on it again. You'll see more of HHNF soon and I'm certain you'll like it better than it was meant to be originally!

Anon asked: I’m unsure if you’ve been asked this before, feel free to ignore if so but would you ever consider opening a Patreon? Y’know for earlier access and possibly spicy art🤔?

A: I did have a Patreon once upon a time, but it gave me severe imposter syndrome lol It put too much pressure on me to put out content that I thought was worthy enough for people to be paying for, so I ultimately closed it down. It doesn't mean I won't ever open it up again, but I don't have any immediate plans to do that. Also regarding the spice haha 😅 I appreciate your interest, but I just don't like to share that kind of content.

milangakokoros asked: I know you like sailor moon, I remember that you published a drawing that you did in 2007 somewhere, of Aurora sailor moon version. What other animes do you like? have you seen saint seiya? (it's my current hyperfixation)

A: I don't watch much anime anymore, but I used to be obsessed with Naruto. That's primarily what I would draw back in my dA days, but I lost interest in it a long time ago. I also loved Fruits Basket, Kill La Kill, One Punch Man and Attack on Titan. There are other shows I've watched, but those were the major series. I haven't seen the series you mentioned, sorry!

milangakokoros asked: Have you thought about making more games like the one you made on Halloween?

A: Absolutely! I don't know what the next game will be, but I definitely want to make more!

prophecyhyper asked: Do you post any of your drawings on any other sites?

A: I sometimes post my art on my Instagram and I sometimes post timelapses of my drawings on Tiktok, but I mostly post here on Tumblr!

aviles2003 asked: I've been meaning to ask you this about adaptations, what is your only favorite Video Game Movie you wanna see, already watched, and excited to see? (Sonic the Hedgehog Movies, The Super Mario Bros Movie, Detective Pikachu, Or Five Nights at Freddy's?)

A: So far my favorite game-movie adaptation is the Super Mario Bros movie! I love it so much! I love that they kept the style of the game but made it a little more polished than what you'd get in the games. I loved the characters, I loved all the references within it, I loved the music. I just think it's a perfect adaptation. Of course I'm super excited for Sonic 3! I'm sure it's going to be great, I'm just praying that Amy will be in it! I need her in it :( I'd love to see a movie adaptation of Dead Space. That's one of my favorite games and ooh I think it'd make such a good horror film. I know they made animated movies for it, but I want it done in a proper hollywood horror way!

edwinflores428 asked: E-vay, since you're also a Beatles enjoyer, did you hear the new Beatles song 'Now and Then'?

A: I didn't know about this until you mentioned this in my inbox. Wow that was emotional! I can't believe they were able to make a song out of an old unreleased recording and really get to finally get closure for their band in a way. Just incredible!

Anon asked: hey, i logged in after a long time and i was just happy to see you’re still posting. i’ve been following since the deviantart days and i just wanted to say how much i enjoy your art. it has always brought me a lot of joy :)

A: This isn't an ask, but I wanted to include it just so I could tell those of you who send these kinds of messages to my inbox: Thank you ❤️ I don't know if you all realize how much it means to me to have your support. Whether you're new to my work or whether you've followed me since my deviantART days, it absolutely makes my day when I receive these kind of wonderful, positive messages. My only wish is that you didn't feel you needed to write me anonymously so I could thank you personally! But I'll respect your privacy ❤️ From the bottom of my heart, thank you!

-

MISC SONIC ASKS

Anon asked: I was wondering what your favourite brotherly head cannon would be between Sonic and Tails? :3

A: Even though Sonic's older and technically raised Tails, I love the idea of them sort of "raising each other." Sonic teaches Tails how to defend himself, how to navigate the world, how to do the right thing, but Tails is the one who teaches Sonic how to read and write, introduces him to philosophical discussions that Sonic finds really boring but actually helps him to be a better hero and be a better version of himself. I even like the idea of Tails being the one to teach Sonic how to play music. Sonic has a natural talent for it, but Tails is the one to teach him notes and chords, how to actually read sheet music, things like that.

umbrathehedgehog asked: Hey, I noticed that one piece about Sonic Prime. It's very nice! What did you like or not like about the show? Been seeing a lot of differing opinions on it and I'm really curious about what you thought!

A: Thanks so much! As a whole I'd say it was okay. It certainly wasn't the best Sonic media out there in my opinion but no way was it the worst. I understand it's a kid's show, but it was way too formulaic for me. It got to the point where I could pretty much bet "in 2 minutes Character A is going to seem like all is lost, then a loud explosion/sudden shake will happen, and they'll look up like 'whuAHHH???' and Character B will show up to help." That's fine, but not when it's happening multiple times every single episode. So to be honest, it wasn't a show that I looked forward to watching like I did with Sonic Boom. It was just something I had on because it was Sonic-related. But Sonic Prime had a lot of good character writing and the acting was great. They explored character relationships/dynamics and emotions that some other Sonic content hasn't done before, so I applaud them for that. It's mirroring what happened in Sonic Frontiers and I love that the franchise is willing to dig a little deeper on an emotional level like that. And I've said it before but I'll say it a million times more: Shadow was PERFECT! The positive of having Shadow portrayed so excellently far outweighed any negatives I could say for the show!

chrismantike asked: What’re your thoughts on longclaw (the owl from the sonic movie) does she exist in your AU as Sonic’s mom?

A: Well we didn't get to see very much of her, but I loved her design! She was very majestic and beautiful and kind. None of the characters or storyline from the live action movies are part of my AU.

-

MY OCs/AU ASKS

Anon asked: So when’s did aurora learn that she could turn invisible? And did she use it to pull a prank on her parents making them think she disappeared

A: Aurora discovers her light abilities when she's young (think about preteen age), but she doesn't fully know what all she can do yet. It takes a lot of experimenting and studying with Uncle Tails to figure out everything she can do. He is the one who tells her that if she can bend light, she should be able to use it to cloak herself. Tails and Sonic obviously mean she should use it as a defensive move, but Aurora instantly thinks it's the perfect power for pranks! Picture a lot of objects "floating" around the house with a lot of phony "OooooOOoooOOOO" ghost noises haha

Anon asked: Is aurora a comic book fan? If so what’s her favorite series

A: Aurora can enjoy super hero related stuff, but she's not an avid fan of it and I would say she does not read comics. Aurora is more into fantasy/romance books. Ruff is the one who is into comic books :) His favorite would be Batman.

Anon asked: I love your idea of Aurora and Sage being close friends, I really think that fits! That being said, do you think Sage and CC would get along?

and gale-gentlepenguin asked: I’m curious on how Sage would interact with Aurora and CC? I know it would probably be seperate universes but it would be fun to see how Eggman’s daughter reacts to Sonics daughter and a sentient AI of equal intellect

A: Thank you! I've been thinking about it and I like the idea of Sage and CC being rivals, but in a very cheeky, friendly way. Sort of like Sonic and Knuckles. Sage and CC would make everything into a competition to see who can solve this problem fastest or who can simulate something best, to determine who is truly the more intelligent of the two AIs. But again, not in a toxic way. In a "I have to be the best version of myself in order to beat you because the respect I have for you is insanely high" kind of way. And Sage could playfully tease CC for wanting to become organic because it'd be a "step backwards" in her evolution, but really she'd work to find a way to help make CC's dream come true.

antooogamer asked: Hello, I already know why Diamond is white and Boon's color is for Aurora, but now I have a question about Cinder, why is he Orange? :^

A: Orange is in the same color family as red and pink, so I think it still works. As far as color theory, in my AU Aurora has a grandma who is yellow and Shadow's fur includes red, so by blending those colors you can get orange. It's the same reason why Nova is purple, it's a blend of colors from their lineage. I tried Cinder out in several different colors but orange is ultimately what fit him best.

animefan299110 asked: After seeing your artwork of Sage and Aurora interacting, I got to ask: Do they hang out a lot or is Sage like a cousin/big sister who visits all the time?

A: They're more like best friends than sisters/cousins. I know people draw Sage growing older and stuff but I personally headcanon that she'd stay in the form of a child because she feels no need to grow up. But once she's friends with Aurora, then I could see her "aging" up alongside Aurora so that she always matches her friend. It's just a headcanon of mine for now and that could ultimately change in the future.

Anon asked: Has Aurora ever been to space before if so what were her thoughts. Was she like markiplier with the whole space is so cool song.

A: Aurora DESPERATELY wants to go to space more than anything! But for most of her life she hardly ever left her home. It isn't until she's grown up that she actually starts to properly explore the world. Eventually I want her to go to space, but it would be once she's living on her own.

skywriter97 asked: So I saw this one fanart comic (that I can't remember the name of) forever ago and in it Shadow had his emblem tattooed on his arm and it made me wonder (since you the best Sonic fan artist hands down no contest) does Sonamy/Shadora (or any of your characters kn your Au) have any tats or piercings anywhere? If so, what and where? (If the fur doesn't get in the way for them lol) (Votes go to Shadow being a tatted and pierced edgelord cuz that would be so 🔥🔥🔥👌👌👌😍🤩😍🤩🤩😍🥵🥵🤤🤤🤌🤌🤌)

A: You are just so sweet, thank you! You know I'm very pro tats and I love seeing what people think the different Sonic characters would get. For my AU, I only have two (technically three) characters depicted with tattoos. Amy's dad Clay Rose has two tattoos on his bicep: A heart with his wife's name in it, and then a matching little heart with Amy's name in it. Adult Knuckles has a simple "M.E." tattooed on his bicep. It's a reference to Knuckles' theme and also his dedication to the Master Emerald. Lastly, I have the human version of Cinder (but only the human version) with forearm sleeves that continue down his hands. So far those are the only characters I have with tattoos. As far as piercings, most of my characters have ear piercings but they don't often wear earrings. Blitz and Lulu are the only characters who always wears earrings. I could see Shadow getting at least an ear pierced, but I headcanon that with his rapid healing that it would almost instantly close if he didn't actively wear a piercing at the time.

Anon asked: I totally hope that Piper will have a girlfriend! Do you see her more with a girl or a boy?

A: I currently see PIper as demiromantic. She is currently not interested in anyone romantically or physically, and I don't want to diminish that part of her identity by saying 'Oh but she'll eventually end up with __." Of course, a headcanon is whatever you want so if you personally ship her with a woman that's cool with me!

Anon asked: Hey evay, i was looking at this old info of Amy, and It says that she wans't always at home, did Aurora had any issue with that? Did some part of her childhood she could say that she had mother issues? (Sorry if you can't understand, my english it's terrible 💀)

A: Your English is excellent! I wouldn't go so far as to say Aurora had mother issues. Amy wasn't completely absent from Aurora's youth, she was just working a lot so she wasn't constantly at home the way Sonic was. It would have made things a little awkward/emotional at times because that naturally made Aurora favor Sonic a little more when she was younger, but that also made the times she did have with Amy all the more special. Aurora never thought to herself "My mom has abandoned me because she's never home," it was more of a "Work is stupid and being grown up is stupid because it means Mom can't stay home and play with me all day." Aurora and Amy grow a lot closer as Aurora gets older and better understands the meaning of responsibilities and commitment.

Anon asked: Hi hi! I'm kinda new in the Sonic fandom and I've seen lots of your comics and content so far (That are great!) The shadora refs of their kids are just so *chef kiss*, when I looked at it, I told myself: "Damn, I wanna make ref sheets this great for my characters too!" I love the fact that you called them an horde! xD And the angst with Shadow's immortality must be amazing! Uh I'm getting out of the subject ^^'' I wanted to ask you if you planned or did anything with Silver? I don't think I saw anything from you with him And another question, if no one asked this before, are any of Shadora's kiddos immortal too? Or maybe they're "half immortal"? Like, they live longer than everyone else but still has a shorter lifespan than their dad I love your work! Keep going! ^^ And have a wonderful day :D

A: Wow, that's so kind of you to say! Thank you so much! I hope you do make ref sheets for your characters :) I haven't planned anything with Silver for my AU yet. To be honest, I don't know his character very well and I try my best to always keep the original characters in-character, so that's why I haven't done anything with him yet. But I recently purchased the volumes of IDW comics and I'm hoping to understand him better and then I will be more confident writing him! Secondly, none of the Shadora horde are immortal. They have stronger immune systems so they can heal faster and are less likely to get sick than the average Mobian, but they are still mortal and still age at a normal rate. Thank you for the questions and compliments!

Anon asked: I love the Shadora babies sm !! My question is..What excactly happend in the fight between Diamond and Cinder? Love your art btw<3

A: Thank you so much! I need to make a comic about it. When they were young they were all exploring the different zones and Cinder was really struggling with some of the obstacles so he was already getting quite aggravated. Diamond noticed this and offered to help because some problems are better solved as a team, and Cinder immediately gets pissed and tells her to buzz off. She gets upset that he snaps at her, and there's some escalation between the two and finally Cinder blows up at her (literally). He immediately regrets it as he did not mean to hurt her, but the damage is already done.

degux asked: What would happen if Metal Sonic ( somehow :v ) met CC ?

A: Hmm. Well, even though Metal Sonic is based on Sonic, I love stories that involve him having an identity crisis and ultimately deciding that he's not just going to be a clone. He's his own entity, right? They're alike, but they're not the same. I don't know where he'd be on that self journey by the time he meets CC, but she'd definitely see him as his own person, not as a Sonic copy. But likely he'd still be an antagonist, so they'd end up having to battle lol

milangakokoros asked: does team chaotix exist in the Aurora universe? and have they interacted with the Rose family?

A: They definitely exist in my AU, but I haven't completely decided what their roles are yet. I can see Vector becoming Cream's stepdad (I'm not passionate about the VanillaXVector ship but I know it's practically canon), and then that leads me down a rabbit hole (pun intended) of how does that affect the dynamics of Team Chaotix? I have some rough ideas but I need to spend more time on it.

Anon asked: Have you thought about introducing Vector or Team chaotix in your sonamy and Aurora comics? :0 I picture him being "Uncle Stanley Pines" from Aurora and the Hyena Boys.

A: I had to add this question immediately after because your idea of Grunkle Stan made me laugh out loud! Oh my gosh I love that!

Anon asked: hola, tengo una pregunta. Hace mucho que no veia tu contenido y veo que estas de vuelta me alegro! :) Mi pregunta es aurora no tenia un hermano? Si no mal recuerdo creo que tenia uno y de ser asi el caso, el también tendria sus propias aventuras? Lo poco que recuerdo de el es que estaba en un dibujo tuyo de navidad con toda la familia sonamy junta y otro donde aurora lo abraza. Me gustaría saber que fue de el

A: ¡Gracias! The character you're referring to was an OC made by my friend Nana, a Sonamy fankid named Spazz. I sometimes drew him interacting with Aurora because my friend Nana and I just liked to draw our characters interacting, but Spazz is not a part of my AU. Nana is no longer on tumblr so that's why there aren't any Spazz art/comics anymore.

Anon asked: Does Sonic’s Uncle Chuck exist in your AU?

A: No I don't include the Archie comics or characters at all

⚠‼️THIS QUESTION MIGHT BE TRIGGERING. SKIP IF YOU NEED TO. TW: INFERTILITY ‼️⚠ Anon asked: Hi e-vay! I’ve recently re-read your ‘Boom Baby’ comic & was wonderin’ - especially with all their attempts - did Sonic or Amy, either one, stuggle with infertility? If so, did they ever have any doubts of that “I’m pregnant” moment ever happening?

A: Infertility is a very real issue that many people (including those very close in my life) deal with. Although I do think it's very important for people to be able to see their experiences reflected in the media they consume to help them remember that they aren't alone in their experience, this is not something I wanted Sonic and Amy to have to deal with for Boom!Baby. The chapter where Sonic references making multiple attempts during a certain window of time was not meant to imply that they were struggling with infertility. It was instead supposed to show that now that they've both decided they want a child, Amy doesn't want to take any chances to make sure it happens lol. TMI - Even without fertility issues, getting pregnant is not always guaranteed so it can take a lot of planning and timing (and frankly, luck) to be successful. Super TMI - I headcanon that Sonic and Amy are already intimate A LOT so now that they're trying for a baby it's above and beyond and that's why Sonic is tired in that chapter lol

fireghost234 asked: Hi this is my first time asking you!!!, does sonic in your AU still have his swordfighting skills from black knight?

A: Thank you for the question! Personally I don't think he'd retain those skills after that experience, so no that's not a trait he has in my AU anyway.

madysonisbae19 asked: Okay so I’m listing to the Encanto soundtrack and when Surface Pressure came on tell me why I instantly thought of Diamond singing this song when she is down about being physically the strongest out of her family.

A: That song (and character) is so her! Thank you for pointing that out to me, I'm going to associate that with her now 🥰

Anon asked: Did Aurora actually got bullied in school?

A: In my stories Mobians don't really go to "school," but yes she was bullied by a group of other kids when she was little. I have a script for a comic for this, I just haven't drawn it yet.

Anon asked: I think I'm pretty sure you based post-Boom to make your comics, but do you think Prime to becanon to your comic continuity too?

A: My AU is a fluid situation haha It adapts as more Sonic content comes out and I get to pick what I want to include. That's what makes AUs fun! Hmmm, ultimately I'm going to say no, I don't think Prime is canon to my stories.

Anon asked: Hi e-vay! Just wanted to ask, will we ever see what happened with Sonic and Amy's wedding in your AU? We've seen Amy's pregnancy with Aurora and their first date, so it seems like another natural relationship landmark to make a shenanigans-filled story out of! Also, keeping on the Sonamy wedding topic, what's their guestlist look like? Are there any surprises in who's getting an invite and who isn't?

A: I definitely have a sonamy wedding comic in the works :) It's going to be multi-chaptered. I would love to answer your other questions but I don't want to spoil the surprise! 😜

SHIPPING ASKS

Anon asked: Not to sound weird or anything, but does Sonic have a go to move that seduces Amy? 💙🩷

A: He simply ✨exists✨

Anon asked: Does Sonic ever dream about Amy?

A: I mean, I think so 😉

Anon asked: Hi e-vay! I had a question for you that I've been wanting to know about. If you read Harry Potter or watch the movies, don't you think that Harry and Ginny's relationship is similar to Sonic and Amy? I know this is kind of random, but it's like Harry is the hero, and Ginny was always in love with him, but their relationship slowly developed throughout the books, especially the 6th book. And that's how Sonic and Amy have been throughout the years

A: Hello! I have seen the movies and I read some of the books, but I don't know the series all that well. Actually, I don't remember Ginny being in the movies much at all, so I was a little confused when she and Harry ended up together. Maybe there was more to it in the books that I just never read. So if I'm going solely based on the movies I've seen, I can't say that I see the correlation. But that's not to say you're wrong in thinking that :)

aurorathehedge6 asked: What's your favorite Sonamy art that you made?

A: Definitely My Gal, specifically the last couple of chapters. I put my whole heart into that story and I'm pretty proud of it.

essycogany asked: Hi! First, I want to say that I LOVE your work! You’re so talented and I couldn’t appreciate your stuff enough. How are you feeling about the new Sonamy material from this and last year? Things are really starting to become more obvious as the years go on. Hope you’re doing well. 💖

A: Thank you so much! I hope you're doing well too :) UGH!!! 😩💙💖💙💖💙💖 We have been fed SO WELL lately! I can't believe it, what a time to be alive! I'm still sure they won't ever make it canon, but I love the sweet little snippets we get and just how much Sonic and Amy's relationship has evolved over the years to be so much closer. And I giggle like a little maniac every time they're on screen together or they're side by side in marketing. It makes my heart SING!

Anon asked: Are you still a fan of of the OT3 hedgies (Sonamyshad) and are still a fan of shadamy? Will we see any dribbles about them. Your art is so pretty 😍🤩 I just wanna see more 🤣😅 sorry if that embarrassing!

A: That's not embarrassing, that's crazy kind of you to say! Thank you! Yes I do still adore those ships and need to draw them more. It just seems every time I go to draw something my hand gets possessed by the ✨spirit of sonamy✨😂 I promise I'll draw the others at some point!

Anon asked: Are there any ships that you just… don’t get? Not dislike or hate or anything, just one that you fully don’t understand the appeal for…? Cause Metal Sonic and Amy is a ship that kinda baffles me. Like most Amy ships have some appeal. Sonic is obvious, you’re Ms. Sonamy after all. But Shads, Silver, Blaze, and even Surge have fun dynamics, and Metal doesn’t really strike me as a character that is able to be shipped effectively… Thoughts?

A: There definitely are ships that I don't understand. But if I don't understand or don't like a ship (or fan theories, or whatever), I'd rather just not talk about them. I used to indulge in that style of arguing discussion when I was a kid but I don't do that kind of stuff anymore. If I don't get something I just say "That's not for me" and move along. I do support the MetAmy ship myself but it's not at the top of my ship list (lol). I like it because Metal Sonic is based on Sonic, and if they're meant to be similar and I believe that Sonic does care about Amy, then that logic would tell me that Metal cares about Amy, too. And even though Metal is a villain, Amy does care about his well being (just like she cares about everyone's well being). Metal Sonic is also one of the main reasons Amy and Sonic met in the first place, so I think she holds a special place in her heart for him, even if it's not 100% romantic. That's my reasoning, but I don't want or expect you to change your opinion.

Anon asked: Will tails and CC ever get married?

A: Whoa now, I've never even drawn them on an official date yet ;)

Anon asked: What tv shows would sonic and amy watch together?

A: I think a lot of feel-good comedies like Brooklyn 99, Bob's Burgers, Modern Family and Schitt's Creek.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora*

Anon asked: What would Shadow and Aurora’s fave show be?

A: They don't have similar tastes in shows, but I could see them both enjoying Only Murders in the Building and cut throat competition cooking shows like Hell's Kitchen.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

gray3754 asked: How old would Amy and Sonic be when Aurora started to date shadow

A: I don't really do exact ages, but Sonic and Amy have Aurora roughly when they're in their mid-to-late 20s. So they would be in their mid-to-late 40s when Aurora and Shadow first meet.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

aurorathehedge6 asked: What's your favorite Shadora art that you made? Also have Sonic, Amy, Aurora, and Shadow ever been on a double date?

A: Hmm, I think my fav Shadora art is the comic where Shadow and Aurora discuss her "wings" (back quills). It started out as just a fluffy piece but I think it really set the tone for their relationship in my stories. As far as a double date -- I could see them trying a double date early on when Shadow first states his intention to date Aurora, but it doesn't go well. Years later when Sonic is more accepting of their relationship I could see them occasionally going out for lunch/dinner together instead of just their weekly family dinners at home.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

ticciticcicendy asked: I don't know if you do this question but has any of Aurora and shadows kids ever walked in on them?

A: Hahaha, Shadow is too savvy for that! He had the Shadora house built to essentially be a fortress, which also means the primary bedroom is practically a vault. Ain't nobody getting in there unexpectedly hahaha

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

lazypatrolpizzapersona asked: One question, is Aurora jealous when Shadow is with these girls?

A: I'm not sure what girls you are referring to? But Aurora is not a very jealous type.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

zero-aurion asked: Quick question, in terms of lap pillows, for Tails and CC and Shadow and Aurora, who rests their head on the others lap more?

A: CC doesn't need to rest, but Tails is so soft that she just loves to lay against him so she'd definitely use him for a lap pillow more. BONUS POINTS for using his tails as a shawl around her shoulders! Shadow is more likely to rest his head in Aurora's lap. The way she strokes his quills is very soothing and makes him feel content. She also has thick thighs so very, very comfy for lap pillows!

--

Thank you all for the questions!

Evay QA Bulk Post 1

Evay QA Bulk Post 2

Evay QA Bulk Post 3

[trancylovecraft]

(KNY) YANDERE PLATONIC! KOKUSHIBO x SISTER READER: You, Shibou. I, Kokoro (CHAPTER TWO)

Previous Chapter ☆♡☆ Masterlist ☆♡☆ Next Chapter

AO3 link

CHAPTER TWO: "You crazy-ass cosmonaut, Remember your virtue, Redemption lies plainly in truth"

(IMPORTANT NOTE): So, Decided to turn this into a whole ahh fic. Anyways, This takes place in my SLAYER+ AU. Which is something I haven't talked about but the general jist is that it expands the story of Demon Slayer

So if anything in her seems a little bit off its either because its apart of SLAYER+ or I've just made a mistake.

Thank you!

Impostor syndrome is an internalised thought process which make people doubt their standing or achievements, Believing themselves to be undeserving of praise.

This can make the person in question believe that they are not as great as they are portraying. This syndrome often comes hand in hand with other disorders such as Depression.

Cut, Slice, Stab, Pierce!

The blade's movements flowed through the air and struck like lightning against the demons neck.

It wasn't even aware it was defeated until its head hit the ground.

Bouncing once, Then twice until it rolled away like a running coin.

The demon's head came to a halt. The soft sun rays of the oncoming sunrise started to sizzle at it's skin, Making the edges burn away into fading ashes.

The words he wished to say died on his tongue, Watching as the man only a few feet away from him sheathe his sword and exhale once through his mouth.

It was like the slayer didn't even make any effort to kill him, Like he was just doing another chore.

The demon's mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, Trying to find the syllables to say yet the only sound he could produce was only a single vowel.

"H-How..?" He choked out. The sun started to reach his face now, Ashes scorching out and fading in a blitz.

The slayer said nothing, He only turned back to the demon. His eyes shown through the small rifts on his mask, The vivid colour looking back at the demon with.. Nothing.

There wasn't any emotion shining behind his eyes, Not like any other of the demon slayers he had faced before eating them.

Disgust, Pity, Resentment.. None of that was present. Not a burning hatred or a disgust for his kind. Instead he seemed tired, Exhausted even.

The last thing the demon saw before burning up completely was the slayer turning back around, Walking off towards the sun.

Then, His remains dissolved entirely, Fading back into the world from where he came from.

Just like all the others.

☆♡☆

The bowl of udon sat uneaten on the table.

[F/N] held a single chopstick in his hand. He circled it around in the bowl, Watching as the contents rippled around like koi in a pond. By now, The noodles and toppings had cooled down, Being now only lukewarm.

[F/N] stared dead into the bowl, Seemingly enraptured by the movements.

It was early in the morning. [F/N] had been called by the crow and arrived at the swordsmith's village only half an hour after sunrise, Yet it was too late. By the time he got there the battle was already won.

It was an Uppermoon attack, Reportedly both five and four were attacking the village. Except from the Entertainment District incident this was the first time an Uppermoon was seen and actually killed in over one hundred years.

If he didn't take a detour to slay a nearby demon he would of gotten there in time to fight the two. [F/N] chided himself for his stupidity.

"Hey.. You're making that face again.."

[F/N] snapped his head up to look across the table.

Mitsuri Kanroji, The Love Hashira, Sat looking at [F/N] from across the table. She had a look of concern on her face, At least as much concern she could show with a clump of noodles stuffed in her mouth.

Mitsuri, One of the combatants in the fight went up against number four and survived. After winning the fight she had decided it was only right to celebrate with a feast. [F/N], Who was already there at the village was invited to join her.

[F/N] accepted, It was convenient. A way to break the news easily.

"What look?" [F/N] asked. The eyes on his kitsune mask widened with the movements below.

"The face-mask thingy.. The one where you look like you despise your food personally.." Mitsuri explained using several vague hand movements to gesture to [F/N]'s face. "How'd you even eat with that thing on anyways?" She added.

"Oh.. Right." [F/N] mumbled.

Moving his hands up to the leather straps reaching behind his head. Unclasping the clip at the back with precision he placed the mask on the table besides his sword, And suddenly he became a she.

The previous build of a strong athletic man had dissolved into the smaller frame of a young woman in her early twenties. The sleeveless slayer uniform and dragon-patterned haori that fit perfectly before had suddenly became oversized, As if she was wearing a rather large blanket.

"Kyah~! No matter how many time's I see it, It doesn't get any less cool!" Mitsuri gushed. The ghost of a smile graced [F/N]'s face and shook her head, It seemed like Mitsuri was back to her normal self.

"..But even though it was cool, It's not gonna get you out of telling me what's wrong" Mitsuri tutted. Shoving another shrimp kebab into her mouth from the dozens of plates beside her, A mountain compared to [F/N]'s anthill of a bowl.

"Really? Nothing does get past you, Does it?" [F/N] mumbled, Trying to gather her thoughts while catching her breath at the hit of sudden weakness.

"Nope! Now spill. You know you can tell me anything right?" Mitsuri said. She set down her fresh plate of food, Her attention now set fully on the woman in front of her.

[F/N] felt her lip quirk, A sudden anxiety chilling her.

"I.. I guess I was just worried about you, 'Tsuri. Are you sure you're okay? A battle with an Uppermoon is no joke, You know?" [F/N] worried, Checking over her form to check for any wounds or bruises.

It wasn't a lie, [F/N] was worried about Mitsuri. She was her closest companion, The woman she could call her best friend yet [F/N] supposed that was why it was so hard to tell her the real truth.

Mitsuri hummed for a second.

"..Of course I'm okay.. Though I do have to admit the fight did give me a run for my money, And you should of seen the mouth on that demon boy!" Mitsuri exclaimed, Recalling the early details of the battle.

"Really? What'd he say to you?" [F/N] asked.

"He called me a tramp! Can you believe that? I've never heard such foul language come out of anyone, Demon or Human!" Mitsuri exasperated. The usual dramatic tone she always wore was present in her voice, Good. [F/N] could confirm she was alright, Atleast in mind.

"Anyways, I swear! If I wasn't strong enough to survive that blast or my if my breathing style wasn't as fast as it is: I would've been a goner." She concluded, Shaking her head.

"I'm glad you're alright, I'm just sorry I wasn't there to help you" [F/N] replied, Sombreness lacing an undertone of her voice.

"Don't worry about it, I surv- WAIT! What I said just reminded me, I forgot to tell you!" Mitsuri squawked, Suddenly jumping up in her seat.

"Hm?" [F/N] lowered a brow, Prompting her to continue.

"Do you remember those Kamado kids? Tanjiro and Nezuko, Doesn't ring a bell?" Mitsuri questioned.

"Erm.. Who?" [F/N] asked in return.

"You don't remember them? The boy with the checkered haori, The absolutely adorable little demon girl?" Mitsuri squealed as if she was a mother gushing over her children's achievements, Fanning her face to cool down her ever-present blush.

[F/N] hummed and searched through the archive of her memory.

"Nope, Don't think I've met them." [F/N] concluded, Her mind drawing a blank.

"Wait. You showed up late to the meeting right?" Mitsuri snapped her fingers, Suddenly recalling.

"..Yep. If you mean the outside portion then yeah, Missed it." [F/N] said nonchalantly, Finally taking a clump of noodles and moving it up to her mouth.

"Ah, Right. That makes sense then. You should really keep better track of time, [F/N]" Mitsuri scolded lightly, Taking another bite of food. "Anyways, I've decided to send them your way!"

[F/N] paused. The cluster of noodles inches from her lips stopped mid-way through Mitsuri's sentence.

"..What?" [F/N] queried, Lowering the noodles. Maybe she had misheard. Mitsuri quirked a lip.

"Erm.. I decided to send them your way..? The boy, Tanjiro has this special breathing technique… And since you've got the most expertise on breathing styles I kind kind of.. Sent him your way?" Mitsuri said slowly, Trying to pique what kind of reaction [F/N] would have.

She watched as [F/N]'s face morphed into a kind of blank stare, The same one she had while glaring at her soup.

Mitsuri let out a small squeak, Waving her hands about.

"I-I didn't really mean to! It just kind of came up in conversation and I kind of let slip that you might have some information since you've helped others before on this stuff- And.. And he just kind of decided to find you- I didn't know you were coming here so he's already on his way to the Kakushi Base, I'm really sor-" Mitsuri's babbling came to a halt at the feeling of a hand gripping hers, Stopping its movement.

[F/N] sighed lightly and looked back at Mitsuri with a small smile.

"It's fine, 'Tsuri. You don't need to explain yourself, It's just.." [F/N]'s small smile dropped.

[F/N] knew that she needed to tell her eventually, If she didn't get it over with it now then it would be more difficult later on. [F/N] just prayed she'd understand.

"I didn't just come here to celebrate your victory.. I.. I need to tell you something" [F/N] started. Her [E/C] irises met the lime green hue's of Mitsuri's. She stared into them trying to gather up the confidence while Mitsuri only stared back with a concerned gaze as she picked up her chopsticks.

Setting her hands on her lap, She took a deep breath.

"I'm retiring."

Mitsuri dropped the chopsticks.

They fell back onto the plate, The resounding clack! seemed so much louder than it did before as it echoed around the room.

"W-What.. Come again?" Mitsuri stumbled on her words, She was in shock as her shoulders tensed up. The surprised reached her face, Disbelief in her eyes and her jaw slack open.

"I'm retiring, 'Tsuri." [F/N] repeated, Confirming her words to Mitsuri. The silence was deafening.

Suddenly two hands gripped onto [F/N]'s shoulders from across the table, Almost pulling her over.

"What?! Did you get hurt? Did someone die? What happened? You can tell me you know, I won't say a word to anyone!" Mitsuri exclaimed, Shaking [F/N] by the shoulders from across the table.

"Aah! Nothing happened to me, Tsuri! I'm fine!" [F/N] blurted out, Still being shaken around.

Mitsuri lifted her hands off from [F/N]'s shoulders, Yet it wasn't a relief as Mitsuri got up from her seat. [F/N] following close behind her as they met face to face.

"Then what, [F/N]? If you're not hurt or anything then why?" Mitsuri questioned, Her pitch lowering down to a low plead as she got closer to [F/N], Gripping her hand tight.

[F/N] raised their entwined hands, Putting her other hand over Mitsuri's.

"Listen, This isn't something I'm doing on a dime, Okay? I've been thinking about this for a long while now.." [F/N] said.

"Since when?" Mitsuri prodded.

"Since Tengen's retirement.. Since Rengoku's death. It's been on my mind for a long time, And I just think it's time." [F/N] explained. Her voice stung at Mitsuri like a live wire, It sounded strained like something was blocking up her throat.

Mitsuri squeezed [F/N]'s hand tighter.

"[F/N], I can't understand but you need to be with us in the Hashira right now.. We still haven't found a replacement for Rengoku or Tengen. You of all of us can't quit, Not you." Mitsuri argued going closer to [F/N]

"Out of all of us in the Hashira it's you who is the strongest out of all of us, You even beat Gyomei in that department. Do you even remember what you did?" Mitsuri continued.

[F/N] frowned hearing Mitsuri's declarations of grandeur towards her. She looked away, Either in shame or embarrassment she didn't know.

"You're the Soul Hashira, [F/N]! You're the slayer who killed a thousand demons in a year, All on your own. Do you understand the weight of that?" Mitsuri announced.

[F/N] Fujimori, The Soul Hashira. She was the woman who killed one thousand demons in a year, A feat done by no other in recorded history. A feat so big that lower members of the demon slayer corps even doubted she existed, Something only possible by both her reclusive nature and her actual appearance during the day.

The mask. A rather old looking porcelain kitsune mask with black and blue markings, It was a trinket [F/N] had acquired long ago. It had a rather unique effect where whenever [F/N] placed it on her face, She could suddenly change her appearance at will.

She didn't understand it nor did she ever know how it worked but she decided like the vast majority of things that it was better to not look a gift horse in the mouth, A sentiment she had carried ever since childhood.

So, Using it to her advantage [F/N] made herself into the peak version she could be, Or he to be more accurate. An athletic masculine body, More muscle mass than a normal person yet only enough so that it didn't weigh down her movements, Making her both strong and agile in a fight.

It was the entire reason she was able to achieve the title of "Strongest Hashira". That and along with the countless hours of training and meditation, That is.

"Mitsuri.. I understand who I am alright? I know who I am and it doesn't matter to me, It never has. Neither my strength or title.. Even if I did change my mind about this I've already sent my resignation letter to Oyataka-sama, He should be receiving it by tonight.." [F/N] started. The look of determination and finality on her face as she stared Mitsuri straight into the eyes.

"I just.. I feel like my time as a Hashira has ran it's course. After I leave I'm sure Gyomei will be just fine in taking my title.. All my life I've been giving my life and serving other people, I think it's time that I be selfish for once in my life and retire like I should." [F/N] finished, Her stance wide and steady, Unshaken from Mitsuri's argument.

Mitsuri looked at her, The final part of her sentence made her frown once again.

She reached out a hand and placed it firm on her shoulder.

"[F/N].. Is this about him?" Mitsuri whispered, A rare frown painting her face as she looked deep into [F/N]'s eyes for the answer.

[F/N] pried her eyes away from her, Trying to find anywhere except her to look at. Her jaw trembled, Only slightly.

"It is, Isn't it..?" Mitsuri continued quietly.

"Shizuko will be fine without me, Mitsuri!" [F/N] said, Whipping her head back round to face The Love Pillar with a sudden angry tone, Like a nerve had been struck.

Though, Her anger dissipated once she seen the taken aback appearance of Mitsuri.

"I.. Sorry, 'Tsuri. You know I didn't mean that.." [F/N] said, Mimicking Mitsuri's movements by resting her hands on Mitsuri's shoulders.

"No, I shouldn't of brought it up like that.. I'm just surprised, Okay?" She consoled.

[F/N] sighed.

"It's just you're acting like this will be the last time we'll see each other. That's not true, 'Tsuri.. You don't need to worry about me.." [F/N] said quietly, The argument before now mellowed into a discussion.

Mitsuri shook her head.

"We joined together as slayers and fought with each other, I just thought one day we'd both leave together. Like we always have." Mitsuri explained. The onset of tears forming in her eyes were quickly wiped away by [F/N], Who walked over to the food table and picked up two cups of sake, Holding one towards her to which Mitsuri took hesitantly.

"I know, 'Tsuri.. Even though I won't be a slayer tomorrow, I trust that you'll be there for Shizuko, Okay? But tonight I am still a slayer, So please. While this is our last meal as comrades this isn't our last meal as companions. So for the last few hours I'm still on payroll, Let's enjoy tonight." [F/N] said.

Holding her cup of sake up to Mitsuri who smiled at the gesture.

The clinking of the cups signalled the festivities. As celebration Mitsuri had called for more rounds of food, As much as she could imagine (Which was a lot). While [F/N] had called for another few bottles of their strongest sake.

By the time they were done the sun was about to set over the horizon. The crystal clear cerulean had long faded into burnt tangerine skies, Soon to fade into a star-speckled ebony night.

[F/N] had changed into a suitable kimono and her signature haori at this point, Her mask carried in a leather pouch and the large medieval sword hauled on her back with surprising ease.

Mitsuri and [F/N] had walked out past the remains of the village, Their celebration being both of the victory, [F/N]'s retirement, And a final farewell to the memories made inside the houses.

They got past the villagers cleaning up the rubble and packing up their things, Mitsuri stopping and thanking them for their help on their way, Hand in hand with [F/N]. They had called for a carriage to be sent which arrived soon enough, One of the rich tokyo-centered one's for rent coming right down the path being pulled by horses.

"Well then, This is my ride then.." [F/N] concluded as she was greeted by the driver, Who bowed once then helped her up onto the footrail of the vehicle. She looked back at Mitsuri with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, Her hand slipping from Mitsuri's hold.

"I'll see you soon, 'Tsuri" [F/N] said her farewells as she turned around and opened the carriage door, Stepping in.

But suddenly, [F/N] felt herself tugged back by the hand.

She turned around to face Mitsuri, Who seemed just as surprised as [F/N] was at the sudden contact.

"Ah! Sorry, My bad. I didn't mean to do that, Apologies..!" Mitsuri half-heartedly giggled. [F/N] returned it with a curt nod.

"Don't sweat it." [F/N] said, Stepping fully inside the carriage now. However, Mitsuri called out to her.

"Just.. When you get to the Kakushi Base, Don't do anything extreme, Alright?" Mitsuri said with a smile. Yet [F/N] could tell there was something more to it, Something that was just out of reach of [F/N]'s hold.

Instead she returned the smile.

"Of course, Nothing extreme." [F/N] said, Waving her off as the driver closed the door, And with a whip of the reigns the horses took off. Eventually, Mitsuri along with the village grew smaller and smaller, Until they weren't visible at all.

[F/N] laid her head against the glass that was rattling along with the carriages movements along the dirt road. But despite it, Either due to exhaustion or the amount of sake she had drunken, Found it rather easy to go to sleep.

As she felt her remaining consciousness slip away her eyes closed, Embracing the darkness until the blizzard faded into view.

☆♡☆

The sounds of heavy footsteps echoed around the ever-changing space of the Infinity castle.

The reverberation of biwa strings and far-off chatter could be heard from far away, Bouncing off the moving shoji-walls and polished wood floorings. The place smelled like fresh sawdust to the point that it left a lasting impression on the scent of anyone coming in or out.

The dim lighting of the paper lamps and candles alit barely gave any lighting to the movement of the two demon's making their way to the centre of the castle.

The larger of the footsteps strode in front, The other lighter pair trailed along behind the larger pair.

All of Kokushibo's eyes were put dead forward, Set on the task ahead of him. His nagagi kimono wove lightly in the short breeze travelling through the cavern of rooms along with his ponytail swaying with it.

Kaigaku sheepishly trailed behind him from a fair enough distance, His eyes were focused fully on the demon in front of him.

They both had been summoned by Nakime, Assumedly along with the other Uppermoons or at least what was left of them. This was the second time in the same week they were called to the infinity castle and Kokushibo already had a suspicion to why.

Kaigaku however, Hadn't gotten a clue.

"Master.. M-May I ask why is it we have been summoned here today?" Kaigaku stuttered out, Fidgeting with his hands as he eagerly waited on his mentor's answer.

Kaigaku, The newest upper rank after the siblings perished and having the honour of baring the title of Kokushibo's Tsuguko. Of course, The title of Tsuguko suggested that Kaigaku would take over from Kokushibo one day, Which was a complete misnomer.

Kaigaku, Despite being a previous breath wielder with potential had absolutely no chance of passing Kokushibo in power.

He wouldn't dare to anyways, He could barely keep himself together in front of him. Challenging Kokushibo for his spot at number one was simply unthinkable.

"Keep your voice low.. You'll find out.. When we get there" Kokushibo hissed, Keeping his eyes in front of him as he spoke out in a deep, Raspy sort of voice.

Kokushibo could see Kaigaku flinch from the corner of his eyes, A chill running down him at the sound of his voice. Kokushibo hummed. Good, He knew his place.

Eventually they reached the centre of the infinity castle, Looking over the clearing.

The faraway chatter had turned out to be arguing. Douma seemed to be pestering Akaza as usual. Douma seeing a friendly bonding exercise with his subordinates while Akaza only saw it as a taunt, Which was most likely the truth.

"Akaza-dono! Why'd you have to be so cold with me, It's been so long since I've seen you after all!" Douma drawled, A grin plastered wide onto his face like a salesman as he placed another hand onto his shoulder.

Akaza's actions spoke more than his words as a single fist shot up, And in a burst of blood and tendons Douma's arm tore from its socket, Falling helplessly to the ground.

However this only made Douma grin wider, As the limb regrew almost as soon as it was severed.

"It's only been a day, Keep your hand off of me." Akaza said through gritted teeth, Taking a few strides away from Douma.

"Ah! No need to get so offensive now. I guess I've just missed you all so much that it just felt like days! Weeks.. Month even!" Douma mused with a dramatic exclaim, Snapping his fingers together as he watched Akaza walk away.

"Whatever.. Nakime!" Akaza called out, Turning the the woman tuning her biwa only a few feet away on the podium. "The rest of the Uppermoons.. Where are they?" He asked, Steady and firm on his feet.

"Uppermoon one and six have arrived, As for the other two.." Nakime cut herself off, But it didn't matter. Akaza had disingaged and already snapped his head around to look up, Spying both Kokushibo and Kaigaku looking down on them.

Akaza's eyes narrowed as he scrutinized the two above him.

"Upper six.. one" He said, Only giving a nod of respect to Kaigaku: Who nodded back rather feverishly towards his superior.

"Akaza.." Kokushibo drawled. All six of his irises stared him down like an ant under his sandal, A stare that made Akaza's muscles tense and his fists ball up.

"I thought I had reminded you.. Last time.. That you ought to show more respect to your superiors.." Kokushibo started. Though his voice was levelled, Akaza could sense the irritation behind his voice. A feeling they shared mutually.

"Kokushibo-dono..! So glad to see you.." Douma called out. Despite the salesman smile still painted on his face, The cheery voice dimmed into a more cautious tone in Kokushibo's presence. Kokushibo ignored him.

"You are continuing to ignore the hierarchy set in place.. As I've said.. Challenge him to a blood battle if you are unhappy.." Kokushibo finished, His calm tone coming to a finality as the remains echoed around the silent atmosphere of the Infinity castle.

He didn't wait for Akaza's response as his overhanging figure suddenly vanished from view, Making Kaigaku yelp from the sudden disappearance of his mentor while Akaza only muttered something angrily under his breath.

Kokushibo manifested a good bit away from the group, Sitting on his knee's in-between one of the hanging castle halls.

What a waste, He thought. Akaza, Even after being as generous to spare him the first time he challenged Kokushibo to a blood battle, Never took his advice.

The first time, He had knocked him to the ground. It hadn't even been five minutes before he had been truly, utterly defeated.

Akaza had lain on the ground, His limbs barely regenerating as he watched Kokushibo slowly walk up to him. His scrutinizing glare burning into Akaza's soul like the suns ray's to his skin. Taunting him, Looking down on him from his unshakable throne.

It would of been better if Kokushibo had just absorbed him, Akaza thought. Even as he was spared it felt like he was an injured bird, Completely dependant on the mercy of whoever came across him.

He hated that feeling, The feeling of him being completely helpless under another's will. He would of rather been absorbed then feel that for the rest of his existence.

Kokushibo on the other hand had felt as if Akaza was wasting his potential.

He had already gotten to Upper three, His potential was there, Almost glowing. Yet he wasted it with his morals, The ones he had carried over from his human life. Akaza refused to consume women, Even went so far as to never lay a hand on one.

Kokushibo had urged Akaza to give up these morals during their fight, It's why it lasted so long anyways. Women did tend to be more nutritious and by not eating them entirely he was cutting off his food source by 50 percent, And Kokushibo had tried his best to convince him of that.

Yet ever-stubborn Akaza refused, While Kokushibo's position was untouchable the same could be said for Akaza's principles. Akaza was weak and refused to change, To get stronger and instead mainly relied on traditional martial arts training.

As the final strum of the biwa reverberated around the castle, Kokushibo knew that it was barely enough. Akaza couldn't protect who he held dear in his human life, Even though he couldn't remember his past he still held his will strong, Carrying on the memory of who he lost.

Kokushibo felt disgusted, Hatred.. And that same spark of green from his human life. And as the meeting finally began, He started to feel like maybe most of it wasn't directed towards Akaza.

And he felt disgusted at that too.

☆♡☆

The cold gusts of wind hit against [F/N]'s face like titanium whips on bare skin, Creating patches of red skin and aching pain.

The blizzard raged on. Both hailstones and large clumps of snow hurled down onto the forest ground, Coating the ground in a thick layer of avalanche. The trees hit each other in the wind, Beating and smashing into each other in the sheer force of the gales.

It was cold. It was so, so cold.

Every inch of [F/N] felt numb, It ached when she moved. Her chest hurt a lot too, So much more than the cold eating away at her. It felt like someone was constantly turning a iron blade inside of her chest, Making sure every sharp end dug into her chest and cut open frozen blood.

It was a reoccurring nightmare. Every time [F/N] fell asleep she woke up in the same place, In the middle of the woods during a snowstorm.

They had started a good long while ago, Around the time she had first became Fujimori. At first she thought it was just another one-off nightmare and decided to ignore it, After all, Nightmares were common in her line of work.

But when they had continued, Night after night after night. [F/N] had had enough and tried to seek help. Doctors, Experts or anyone that could help her she had ran to asking for assistance, Yet nothing that had been provided to her that could help came along.

So after ages of dealing with the Night terrors with no remedy she had decided to stick it through, To see if it would go away on its own.

So now, [F/N] trudged through the rushing winds. Pulling her foot from the snow and slamming it back down in front of her was a herculean task of its own.

The blizzard seemed to pick up on intensity, The snow hitting the ground harder like thrown rocks and pushing [F/N] around in the winds.

She didn't know why she kept moving forward, Keep trying to go further than the last time. She had no reason to, But inside of her aching chest the instinct resonated, It drove her forward. Trying to escape the snowstorm.

However, There was always a point inside the dream. The breaking point, Where her legs couldn't hold anymore, When the weight of her strength died out inside her, Making her collapse into the snow, Burying her alive in it.

When it happened she curled up into a fetal position, Trying her best to hold on to her life force slipping away. She couldn't cry no matter how much she had wanted to, The dehydration burned at her throat making it impossible.

The last thing she felt was.. Warm. The frostbite finally reaching her heart, A bittersweet heat invading her failing organ system as it shut down. She yearned for something, Weakly calling out to someone with her dying breath.

When she finally closed her eyes, Letting the darkness swallow her whole as the last thing she saw was a man coming upon her. A tall figure amongst the storm, Looking at her, Rushing forward with his purple kimono swaying in the wind.

But before she could see his face, Death had already siphoned her. The darkness being the only thing she could see.

[F/N] shot up, Gasping for air.

She looked around frantically, Heart beating like a drum. Survival instincts kicked in trying to quickly examine her surroundings.

Though she relaxed once she saw the wooden inside of the carriage she was in. The rattling of the vehicle moving along the road comforted her, Confirming that she was safe.

She let out a big sigh, Watching as the exhale turn into cold mist in the morning air.

[F/N] raised an eyebrow, Turning to look out the carriage window. It was snowing, The glisten of white sleet covering the ground shone in the pre-dawn sunlight. [F/N] felt her heartrate pick up again once more when she remembered her dream, Only for a split second.

It wasn't the harsh snowfall of a blizzard, Nor was the mist of cold vapour taking up everything in sight. Instead, It was the soft fall of flakes slowly making their way down to the earth, As well as only a whisp of frozen vapour dancing in the air.

It was the kind of fall where you could stand outside catching snowflakes on your tongue, The kind where you could stand idly by with a cup of hot tea in hands; Watching the beauty of cold terrain. [F/N] rubbed her eyes, She wasn't back in her dream.

Judging by the cold she was near the Kakushi base. She had set off at the first sign of the setting sun and had woken up when the sky was still a deep navy blue, Only the cracks of sunlight making their way through the edges of the faraway mountains.

Moving over to the front of the carriage she tapped on the glass window.

"Hey, How long until we reach our destination?" [F/N] called through the window. The driver turned back to look at her for a moment, But ultimately kept his eyes on the road.

"I'm just about to stop up here, Is that alright with you?" The driver responded. [F/N] mumbled out a yes and lain back in her seat.

She watched the snow fall carefully as the carriage ascended up the mountain.

"So, Urm.. Do you have anyone waiting on you, Ma'am?" The drive asked tentatively.

"..Nope, No one in particular." [F/N] replied, Keeping her eyes outside the window watching the snow fall.

They were left in silence for a short moment, Left only to the sounds of turning wheels and a rattling base.

"Then.. I wouldn't suppose you don't know the man down there?" The driver called out after a while.

The corner of [F/N]'s lips quirked, Twitched for a moment as she was brought out of her stupor and put straight into confusion, Caught off guard.

"What man?" [F/N] asked, Her tone raising a little in alarm. Who could be out here at this hour in these weather conditions?

"Eh.. He's a little bit down the road, You might be able to see him from your window." He replied suddenly gathering a bit more in tone at the sound of alarm in her voice.

[F/N] didn't hesitate to peer round, Craning her head as far as it could to try and get a good look at the ma-

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

[F/N]'s limited vision revealed Gyomei Himejima, The Stone Hashira, Standing a good few metre's down the pathway from where they were headed. He didn't move, But from what she could see he was waiting on the carriage passing them.

"Ma'am? Are you alright?" The driver asked, Concerned. But by the time he had let out the first word the blinds on the windows had already been shut.

"F-Fine! Just slow down and park in front of the guy, You can leave afterwards. Okay?" She called back to him, Sticking her hand through the little window hole with a handful of cash to which was taken immediatley.

"Alright then.." The driver said, But she didn't hear him as she was already pulling out her rucksack. While Gyomei was blind, He had extraordinary senses. Plus the fact that her voice also changed to a more masculine lilt when she put on the mask.

The fact was that [F/N] was actually a woman was suppose to be a secret, With only a small handful of people including trusted handmaidens, Mitsuri, Shinobu and Oyataka-sama actually knowing about the mask.

It was something she didn't tell anyone, Why she didn't want to say is something she didn't tell anyone either. Though it didn't really matter in that moment, Only the quick rapid succession of her rucksack opening and clothing getting flung everywhere.

Gyomei listened as the carriage rolled down the pathway, The cold seeping into his skin didn't seem to bother him and if it did then he did a good job of hiding it. His hands pressed in that same praying position, Haori flowing in the soft breeze as he heard the carriage come to a halt in front of him.

The door opened with a squeak, The thumping of boots hit the snow with a crunch!

"Himejima-san! Great to see you, What brings you all the way out here?" [F/N] called out, A fabricated cheer in the voice now belonging to him. He walked out a few steps toward Gyomei, Now wearing his slayer uniform and kitsune mask as the carriage went away.

"Fujimori-san.. It is good to know that you are in a cheerful mood." Gyomei said, His voice was filled with the ever-present sorrow. Tears eternally running down his face as he rattled the beads in his hands.

"Of course, I always am.. But uh.. What about my question? What brings you all the way out here?" [F/N] asked. In the corps she was only known by her last name, Fujimori. Her first name might be too much of a give away.

"I believe you are already aware of why, Fujimori-san." Gyomei muttered out. Despite [F/N]'s new tall and imposing form, It felt like comparing a tree to a shrub when in the presence of Gyomei. His height easily towering over him by a good foot.

[F/N] clicked his tongue, He already knew why. Though he felt it appropriate to continue his ignorance.

"..Not a clue, Care to enlighten me?" [F/N] drawled out, Feigning stupidity as the clanking on Gyomei's beads came to a jolting halt.

"..Please, May we not go back and forth like this again.. This is a serious matter." Was all that Gyomei said to [F/N], Yet his words held much deeper implications.

The simple truth was that both [F/N] and Gyomei didn't get along, It wasn't due to anything they had done to each other or anything they've said. But it just so happened that they both had rather conflicting personalities and philosophies.

Gyomei was a buddist monk, [F/N] was a shinto shrine maiden. Gyomei had conviction and it showed through his blade, [F/N] had barely any drive when she drove it into a demon's neck. Gyomei was the ideal hashira and someone to look up to, An idol among men. [F/N] couldn't even show up on time to meetings.

It would be wrong to call the two rivals, Though you couldn't deny the tension that followed the two whenever they were in a room together. [F/N] sighed and pinched the temple of his mask.

"Yeah.. Okay, You got me. Nothing gets past you, Eh?" [F/N] started with a rather sarcastic chuckle "Oyataka-sama sent you 'cause of my resignation letter, Right?"

"Correct."

[F/N] groaned lightly through his mask, He knew he should of expected this yet last night's sake and exhaustion kept it off his mind. "And let me guess.." [F/N] raised a hand to stroke his chin, Making an overdramatic motion. "He sent you to try and change my mind?" He gasped.

Gyomei nodded.

"Right now, We can't afford for you to retire from the corps. Two positions in the Hashira have not been replaced and with your retirement especially the corps is surely to take a blow" Gyomei explained.

[F/N] folded his arms.

"Please do understand, Fujimori-san.. It is your duty as a demon slayer to fight until you are unable, To give it your everything. An oath you swore years ago." Gyomei said, Taking a few slow steps forward towards his colleague.

[F/N] groaned, Not even bothering to hide it this time.

"Oh don't talk to me about Oaths, Gyomei. Have I ever told you how much I hate those?" [F/N] started, The fabricated cheer in his voice now gone and replaced with one of frustration and annoyance as his mask mimicked as such.

"Oaths are just words, Gyomei. No matter how you want to put it or how binding it may seem.. Oaths, Promises or Vows.. They're just words at the end of the day. The only thing that matters is the actions that follow, And you know that I've never given it my all, And right now I feel so tired of this damn job that I might as well be unable.." [F/N] finished, The exhaustion haunting the undertones of his voice like a parasite.

Gyomei frowned a little more.

"If you are so tired of this job.. Then why would you come into this line of work in the first place..? We all have motivations here, And I'm sure you do as well." Gyomei asked.

[F/N] scoffed, Who was he to ask such a personal question? An annoyed tinge rose up inside him, However he felt something else come up along with it.

It was true, Being a demon slayer was hard. It was certain death by many horrible and painful ways, The only reason you'd ever want to be one is for your motivations.

Gyomei's found family of eight was slaughtered by a demon let in by one of the children, Betrayal was his motive. Sanemi's mother slaughtered his siblings, Anger was his. Shinobu, Revenge. Giyuu, Grief. Muichiro, His memories. Even someone like Mitsuri had the simple yet powerful desire to help people.

Everyone had a motivation, Everyone except [F/N].

[F/N] said nothing, His body freezing in place not just from the weather.

"I.. I.." He mumbled.

He twitched his fingers, Shuffled around his foot in the snow as he tried to search for a response.

"..It's cold. We can discuss this later, Ideally in a warmer environment." [F/N] finally concluded.

Gyomei didn't make a move, Only for a second. Then he nodded.

"Alright then.. Let's go then.."

☆♡☆

"The first time in centuries, An opportunity has finally presented itself. A way to conquer the sun." Muzan finished his announcement, His voice echoing out to every corner of the Infinity castle.

He stood far off, On higher ground than any of the uppermoons below him--Some kneeling in respect and others listening patiently.

Muzan's voice, Though still the dark commanding tone persisted, It had a new lilt to it. It was something they had never heard before, It was something lighter and almost relieved if they didn't know any better.

"I fully expect all of you to focus all of your efforts into finding and capturing the Kamado girl. Alive." Muzan emphasised from where he stood pacing, The usual lab equipment he had out was behind him untouched.

At the start of the meeting, When the biwa string called- It had been announced that both Uppermoon five and four had been slew.

First it was the previous number six, Daki and Gyutaro. Their death's hadn't been a spectacle as they were the lowest rank and as Muzan had put it: Predictable. Daki was holding Gyutaro back, End of story.

But now that two Upper ranks were defeated together, The tone in the castle had shifted. The onset of worry now seeping into the atmosphere most evident by both Akaza and Kaigaku.

Though by the end the information brought out by their deaths had brought about a new shift in the air, A way to conquer the sun right at their fingertips.

"From here on out you are to act more diligently. You are not to rest until you find and capture Nezuko Kamado, I don't care how you do it nor do I want to know, You get it done" Muzan finished, Turning away from the audience below.

"Do not disappoint me"

And with that, Shoji doors slammed shut and he had gone.

The silence ruminated loud within the infinity castle, Louder than any shout or scream could ever be. The finality of his words being the only thing whisping away at them.

"Ah.. A demon girl resistant to the sun? How interesting..!" Douma exclaimed from where he sat, A fan raised over his face to conceal the malicious smile creeping up on him. "I wonder.. Which one of us will be able to get to her first?"

Douma looked over at Akaza, Who hadn't moved from his kneeling position on the floor. Though the cracked glass blue of his eyes shifted up to Douma at the hint towards him.

Akaza knew what Douma was doing, And he clenched his teeth at it.

"Akaza-dono.. What about you?" Douma teased, The fan covering his face did no good to hide the edges of his grin which was now spread from ear to ear.

Akaza's lips trembled, The urge to say something itched at his tongue yet the warning Kokushibo had gave him earlier made it feel too heavy to move in his mouth.

"Hmm..?" Douma insisted, Leaning closer towards number three.

"Back. Off" Akaza hissed lowly, The threat only made Douma laugh it off. Though his eyes narrowed as he watched Akaza march off, To which he cocked his head to the side.

"Kaigaku-dono, How about you? As one of the newest members I'm absolutely dying to hear your opinion!" Douma hummed. A predatorial glint shone in his multichromatic eyes as he stared down his subordinate.

Kaigaku froze in place, Looking back at Douma like he had snakes for hair.

"E-Eh..?!" Kaigaku stuttered. His clawed fingers fidgeting with the edges of his ebony kimono, The mere acknowledgement of his superior was enough to send him into a nervous halt.

"Come on, Don't give me the cold shoulder now~!" Douma persisted. Kaigaku gulped.

"W-Well I personally am g-going to-!"

A sudden sensation of freezing water ran down his back, Caught off by the sudden presence lurking behind him.

"Douma.. Maybe if you spent more time taking your duties as Upper two more seriously and less time distracting my Tsuguko.. You would find out who gets the Kamado girl first.." Kokushibo said, Towering behind Kaigaku to look down at Douma.

Though Kokushibo was never one to care what Uppermoons did to their lower counterparts, He did get a little irritated at the lack of commitment to Muzan's cause.

"Ah..! Apologies, Kokushibo-dono. I wish good luck to you..!" Douma called out as he walked off.

"Nakime!" Kokushibo called out to the biwa lady. And with a single strum both Kokushibo and Kaigaku had vanished.

☆♡☆

The large doors to the shrine opened up at the arrival of the two Hashira, The hinges creaking as it revealed the courtyard.

[F/N] and Gyomei walked inside, The courtyard grounds recently salted leaving no indication snow had fallen despite the fading flakes still gliding down.

The Kakushi Base, One of the only few demon slayer headquarters along with The Swordsmith village and the Ubuyashiki estate, As well as the newest. The base was made up of an old Shinto shrine dedicated to Inari [F/N] had came across a few years ago, And in her time as a slayer had been made into The Kakushi base. Before then all operations were relegated to the Ubuyashuki estate.

But now after being renovated several additions to the blueprints were added. More rooms and hallways covering the top half of the mountain for storage and activities. A third floor with several Kasugai crows coming in and out of their aviary assigned with missions. And finally was the library, A place where records of all sorts were kept.

Of course, It still being a shrine did still hold importance as most of the slayer operations had been assigned to the lower floors while the main area was used for religious practice. During the day it was quieter, With only a few shrine-maidens walking about. But at night The Kakushi activity was more prevalent.

Still very early in the morning, A lot of Kakushi were still about and greeted both [F/N] and Gyomei with respect as they passed. Either lurking around for business or resting up.

In the springtime wisteria bloomed all around, Yet as the winter came in the wisteria had died and given entrance for snowfall.

Opening the main doors and closing the door they both felt the relief of the shrine's warmth wash over them from the unrelenting cold outside.

"Welp.. We're here!" [F/N] exclaimed, Resting his hands onto his hips. Gyomei nodded, Turning towards him.

"So.. About your resignation.." Gyomei started, But was instantly interrupted by [F/N]'s groan.

"Ah right, forgot about that.." He breathed, Pinching the temple of his mask. Gyomei shook his head lightly.

"There is no avoiding the topic.. It is better if we discuss this over now than later.." Gyomei stated, Despite the walk giving them enough time to think he hadn't shaken in his opinion "If I may ask.. What do you plan on doing once you retire?"

The question seemed to make [F/N]'s lip twitch, A movement that the mask mimicked perfectly. In that moment, [F/N] silently thanked Inari for Gyomei's blindness.

"..Ah, You know. Drink a surplus of sake.. Go for a real long rest.. Maybe I'll take a little trip abroad north, I'll see if I'm in the mood." [F/N] drawled.

"It pains me to know how little you are dedicated to your job.. Fujimori-san." Gyomei mourned. [F/N] sighed.

"Listen, Himejima-san.. I know-"

"Master?"

A voice cut off from down the hallway they stood in. [F/N] peered over Gyomei's shoulder to find the source.

Genya Shinazugawa stood at the end of the hallway. He was dressed in a sleeping yukata and held a pillow under his arms, [F/N] remarked to himself about how much he looked like his brother.

Gyomei turned around.

"Ah.. Shinazugawa-san.. I see you are doing well.." Gyomei greeted as Genya walked down the hall towards the two Hashira.

Suddenly however, A realisation stabbed into [F/N] like a pike.

"Himejima-san.. Did you bring both of your Tsuguko here..?" [F/N] whispered lowly only Gyomei could hear. [F/N]'s expression seemed empty now, Devoid of emotion and instead replaced with a serious demeanour.

He raised a brow.

"Yes.. Both of them are here, I decided to bring them with me.." Gyomei said. Finally letting Genya catch up to the two of them, He finally noticed Fujimori who went hidden due to Gyomei's height.

Genya stopped once he finally saw [F/N], Realisation of who he was and his portfolio hit him hard, Before bowing in respect.

"F-Fujimori-sama! I'm sorry.. Was I interrupting anything?" Genya asked, Realising the position the two were in.

[F/N] looked once at Genya, Then Gyomei.

"No, No. You're fine.. Apparently the snowstorm outside is going to get worse, You two should stay here for tonight.." [F/N] chuckled, His serious expression now turning light once more before walking off.

"Fujimori-san, We are not-"

"Goodnight, Himejima-san." [F/N] asserted with a finality in tone. [F/N] waved once behind him.

"Rest up, You two!"

☆♡☆

The door closed lightly behind her, A loud click resonating out.

[F/N] took a few barefoot steps down the stairs feeling the warm water submerge her ankles. She sunk further, Watching as the aqua parted to make way for her as she reached waist length.

Mist rose up from the pool, Mixing with the cherry lotus incense drifting through the air and crafting a new potent steamier aroma.

[F/N] felt herself sink until the water reached her neck, Bubbles rising up tickled at her skin once they popped. [F/N] let out a large sigh, As if she had been holding her breath for too long.

"I'll miss this.." She hummed. Her wary muscles relaxing as she felt her entire body melt into mush.

Today had been a long day. When she took her mask off she was just known as [F/N], The head-maiden of the shrine, And being head-maiden brought upon a lot of duties such as leading prayer ceremonies or just the daily tasks around the shrine.

As soon as she had slipped off the mask as Fujimori and came out as [F/N], Her day had started. Brushing the floors, Avoiding Gyomei and his Tsuguko's, Handing out orders to the other maidens in the shrine and tending to both the crows and the injured Kakushi; All in her daily work.

Not to mention her daily training. Four hours of meditation in the morning, Her workout in the afternoon and her night-time prayer ceremony had taken a lot out of her.

So as [F/N] let her aching muscles be remedied by the water, She couldn't help but let her worries slip away from her; Her nightmares, Retirement, Shizuko.. Only to be replaced by the foggy steam of the bathhouse.

She wished she could stay like this forever, To be swept away by the warmth and never get out.

So [F/N] sunk lower, Soon enough the tip of her chin was submerged, Then her mouth, Then her nose. All the way until she could no longer be seen from the surface.

[F/N]'s body floated in the water. Watching as the bathhouse lights become blurrier and blurrier as she descended further, It distorted until it was only a glowing overlay in the aqua.

She heard the sound around her be muffled by the water, The sound of talk in other rooms, A slow click and the soft sound of the bubbles ascending.

Her lips parted, Letting her breaths come up in air pockets and rise back up to the top. Straining her eyes in the water the pressure of it comforted her like a blanket on a cold night, Eternally staring up at the distorted light as her breath was taken away.

Her lungs depressed, But it didn't matter. To [F/N] this was Nirvana, Heaven or Valhalla, Whatever you believed to be waiting for you after death. Her lungs depressing wasn't important now.

In truth, [F/N] was a shintoist, She has been for as long as she could remember. She believed once people died they returned to nature, Their souls energy going back to where they came.

It sounded peaceful to her, Warm, Never cold. The last bit of oxygen escaped her trained lungs; Lips finally closing.

The water only got hotter, Bubbles rising up quicker and quicker before suddenly her eyes bolted open, Now aware of the presence in the room.

The light she had been staring at was obscured by a hazy figure. She rose up quicker than she had sunk gasping for air.

She surfaced with a large splash, Making the figure flinch away from the sudden movement. A loud desperate inhale let out only interrupted by coughs erupting from her throat.

She flung the top half of her body over the edge of the pool, Hanging on as if her life depended on it and coughing up spurts of water.

"Ah! I'm so sorry, I thought..-" The figure stuttered. [F/N] hauled her head up to find that it was a young boy clad in demon slayer uniform, A checkered haori hanging off him.

"W-What the.. Who are you?" [F/N] wheezed, Wiping her lips. She could of sworn she had locked the door, How someone got in here evaded her.

"Ah.. My name is Tanjiro Kamado, I came in here because I saw Fujimori-san's haori on the hook outside.. Um.. I'm so sorry, I must of been mistaken.." Tanjiro apologised, Quickly turning away.

The checkered haori, Right.

"N-No.. No.. What is it that you want Fujimori-san for?" [F/N] asked, Spitting out the last of the water.

"Oh, Uh.. I was told that he had some information on my breathing style from Kanroji-san, Do you know where he is by any chance?" Tanjiro said, Not turning around.

"No, But I'm the head shrine-maiden here, I know just about as much as he does.." [F/N] said.

"Really? Would it be alright if I talked to you for a bit?" Tanjiro asked, Back still turned to the woman digging her nails into the floorboards.

"Sure.. Just, Why aren't you turning around?" [F/N] asked.

"U-Um.. You're sort of.. Naked?" He responded nervously.

"Ah! Get out, Get out!" [F/N] screamed out, Grabbing and holding up one of her sandles to throw.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! AHHHH-!"

☆♡☆

[F/N] sat herself down on the tatami mat, Fixing up her haori.

"Well then, I apologise for my indecency earlier.. I believe you had some information you wanted to know about breathing styles?" [F/N] asked. Picking up the cup of sake-infused tea she took a sip, The boiling liquid not affecting her as it ran down her throat.

Both Tanjiro and [F/N] sat in one of the rooms of the shrine, Sitting on parallel sides of their little table with a tea-set hot and ready.

At the back on [F/N]'s side was a handmaiden watching over them with the teapot in hand, Ready to serve.

"Yes! I've been to several places around including Mr. Rengoku's old estate, However their records were unfortunately.. Damaged. I was hoping you would have any records or information for me." Tanjiro explained, Picking up his own cup of tea he blew on it before he took a short sip.

[F/N] hummed.

"Describe your breathing style to me." [F/N] asked, Setting her cup down.

"Like.. How it looks?"

"Yep.. How it looks." She confirmed

Tanjiro took a second to think.

"Well.. It's kind of like Mr. Rengoku's breathing, But it's more.. Bright. It's hotter.. I learned water breathing from the old water hashira and this one from my father… He called it Hinokami Kagura." Tanjiro said, Snapping his fingers at the end in recollection.

[F/N]'s finger circled the rim of the cup.

"Hinokami Kagura… I see.." She drawled "Well, Nothing exactly comes to mind.." She finished, Careful to pronounce every syllable while distracted by her thoughts.

Tanjiro's smile dropped ever so slightly.

"Ah.. Alright then, Thank you anyways for your help.." He said as he bowed his head down.

"..But the library may have something that could give you some insight" [F/N] continued.

Tanjiro perked his head up, Eyes slightly opening in interest.

"The library?" He queried

"Yes, The library. It's on the other side of the shrine, First floor. It holds the vast majority of information collected over a few centuries, Both relating to demon slayers and not. If there is any info about your breathing at all then it will be there in the library." [F/N] said. She recalled the several nights mulling over the information in there for her nightmares, If anything was it would be there.

Tanjiro nodded, The smile reappearing in his face.

"This is very helpful, Thank you so much… Um.." A look of puzzlement came over him. "I'm sorry.. You never told me your name?"

"Oh.. My name is [F/N-"

A sudden throb came from her chest, An ache making her keel over on the table, Dropping her boiling hot tea all over the tatami mat.

[F/N] yelped out in pain as The Handmaiden from behind her rushed over to [F/N]'s side with a napkin. Tanjiro also got up and ran to her adjacent side.

"[F/N]-sama! Are you alright?" The handmaiden asked in concern, Trying to dry the stains left on her kimono.

[F/N] only gripped the core of her chest, Pressing down hard and grabbing a fistful of her kimono in the process. She coughed up liquid from within her throat, To which her handmaiden, Maika, Provided a handkerchief for.

"Is it your chest, [F/N]-sama?" Maika pleaded as [F/N] wiped the last of the residue off her mouth.

[F/N] nodded.

"I-I'll go get some medicine! I'll be back soon!" Maika exclaims. She suddenly gets up from her position comforting [F/N] to rush out of the room in search of a remedy.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Tanjiro asked with concern, Resting a hand on [F/N]'s shoulder.

"Yes.. I'm fine.." [F/N] said through clenched teeth. This must of been an after-affect of her bath earlier, A small bit of water probably still lingered in her lungs causing her body to cough it back up.

Tanjiro's nose twitched, His expression only got more wary. [F/N] noticed, Catching the spasm easily she waved him off.

"I'm fine.. Just, I'll take you down to the archives tomorrow alright? I need a bit more rest tonight.." She said. Looking up to the younger boy's singed eyes, Who stared back into hers with a sincere truth.

"..Alright then, Thank you for your time anyways.. [F/N]-san" He bowed his head lightly and got up from the kneeling position on the floor.

"Goodnight, Tanjiro." [F/N] called out to him as he left, He smiled and bowed once more before closing the shoji door entirely.

She was once again left alone in the solidarity of the tea-room. Lukewarm tea splotches dried into her kimono and the tatami mat around her.

The slow throbbing ache in her chest remained in her chest, Small wheezes coming out under her breath every time her lungs decreased. [F/N] chided herself for her stupidity, She should of been more aware of her surroundings, She should of checked.

The shoji door slid open once more, Revealing Maika standing awkwardly in the doorway, Fiddling with her hair.

"So.. Erm.. It turns out due to the current winter.. We're out of the necessary ingredients to make a herbal remedy and.." Maika stuttered, Avoiding eye contact with the woman hunched over infront of her.

"It's fine, Maika.." [F/N] said. However her words didn't do much to stop Maika.

"..H-However the nearest village should have some in stock, I'll go down and gather the right ingredients for you!" She explained.

"..Maika, The snow outside has picked up. I don't want you to get hurt so it's probably best if you stay inside before it gets any worse." [F/N] explained.

"But.. Uhm.. Uhh.." Maika stuttered, Trying to stall enough time to come up with a good reason.

Maika, One of the newer, Younger shrine-maidens. A small mousy sort of girl with untidy golden hair shepherded with ribbons into a ponytail, Complete with the shrine maiden uniform of red hakama trousers and a white kosobe. She had passed final selection yet had refrained from becoming both a slayer and a kakushi.

So she came to the shrine instead to become a maiden, It only made sense that she would want to prove herself to [F/N]. To do her best, To be of some help to people she cared about.

[F/N] supposed she could understand.

"Alright then." [F/N] cut off Maika's babble with two single words. Her eyes widened and sparked up in the light.

"R-Really?! Okay! Uhm.. I'll go do it then..!" Maika exclaimed, Turning around to move outside the room.

"But!" [F/N] interrupted. Maika turned back around.

"If you are to go out, You must find some heavier clothing. And don't try to descend the mountain alone, Find a Kakushi to come with you, Okay?" [F/N] laid down the rules to her like a mother explaining them to her child.

Maika nodded rather feverishly.

[F/N] smirked, Only slightly.

"You'll do good here, Maika." [F/N] mumbled, Maika's face lit up in a large smile ear to ear.

"Thank you, [F/N]-sama! I won't disappoint!" She exclaimed. And with that, She was off.

☆♡☆

[F/N] lay on her futon, Her eyes heavy with drowsiness and stress. She waited on Maika coming back. She didn't mean to lie down, But unfortunately the dragging weights of exhaustion had brought her to her futon, Defeated by the day.

She didn't want to fall asleep. The ever-present threat of the nightmares ate at her mind like Oneiroi. If she could choose to stay awake forever, She would.

However as [F/N] stared up at the ceiling and saw the dark curtains close over her eyes, She could feel the singe of the chill on her skin. The crawling cold sweat running down her neck as the darkness left and the blizzard faded into view.

Closing her eyes she took a deep breath in, Letting out mist as she exhaled.

And as she opened them back up, The storm had risen.

☆♡☆

Kaigaku trudged through the snow, The cold tickling his sandals barely affecting him as he navigated his way through the dark alleyways in search of a meal.

The village had barely anyone in it. He knew as Uppermoon six he could of easily wiped out the entire town, But he liked the game, The hunt for prey, Not the one and done destruction.

His artic coloured eyes scanned over the group of people over at the market, Though dwindled by the storm the crowd was still there, Gathered round the snow covered stall.

He looked at everyone of them, His teeth bare and wide not being able to contain his giddy smile.

He wondered how he could lure each of them individually, How easy it would be to make them cower in front of him, Squeezing out all the superiority from them and consuming it like a parasite.

Then he'd bite into their limbs, Tearing them apart as they screamed and cried for help. Kaigaku couldn't hold back much longer, The mere hunger pounding at his stomach ached for him to feed.

But then, One specific person came into focus.

They had ran over to the stall he was staring at in a hurry. A look of urgency in their eyes, But that's not what drawed him in, No.

It was the kakushi uniform they had adorned.

He seemed to be accompanying another girl, Of what looked like to be a shrine-maiden. They both had ran up to the merchant, Asking for herbs.

His eyes widened at the sight. If he couldn't hold back his grin by now then he was smiling like a madman in a straightjacket at this point.

Kakushi, Rarely seen yet held such worthwhile information for demons. He licked his lips, He could hold off his hunger for just a little while longer.

This was a chance to prove himself to Kokushibo after all.

Next Chapter

[mondstalgia]

BL ships that I will never forget:

In a few weeks it's gonna be 14 years of obsessing over queer media, especially BL, so here are the ships always on my mind in no particular order.

Arata & Shingyouji (Takumi-kun Series 4: Pure, 2010): Listen the Takumi-kun Series from 2007 to like 2011 was my life as a (pre-)teen. In hindsight really sketchy but anyway haha. Those two really caught my eye back then though (especially their racy kisses) and I was happy they got their own bigger part in one of the movies.

Evan & Isak (Skam Season 3, 2016): Was there a queer European teen that wasn't obsessed with this season of Skam? I remember re-watching it so many times I could recite their text without speaking Norwegian. Plenty of beautiful Skam universe parallel couples out there but these two will remain the iconic blueprint.

ChenAi (Kiseki: Dear to me, 2023): Almost unfair to put them on here but seeing how I haven't been able to think about any other ship every single day for the last 3 months, I feel like it's justified. They just have everything I want and need to get hyperfixated on.

Seiryo & Yuzuru (Seven Days, 2015): Oh my, the way I loved this silly concept and how funny it was yet they managed to get me all emotionally involved in the span of two movies? Insane chemistry and just..everything I needed back then. Especially since it was then one of the very few BL's I saw without a sad ending.

KornKnock (Bad Romance 2016, Together With Me 2017 - 2018): Listen, plot wise Manner of Death is the absolute height to me but when it comes to MaxTul I will never forget them as Korn and Knock in these series. Forever grateful to all the fanvids that led me to finding my BL fathers. Chemistry forever out of this world. Also shout out to Yiwha, best female character in any BL and my wife.

WinTeam (Until We Meet Again 2019, Between Us 2023): The couple that made me aware of what second lead syndrome was because I waited so long for more of them, it felt eternal. I don't think I will ever get tired of these two.

VegasPete (KinnPorsche, 2022): Who said I couldn't like a toxic ship? These two took me by surprise, I didnt even know they were going to be a ship in the series. Definitely acknowledging how fucked up they are yet at the same time it's the forst toxic ship that really got me. I love them, in my own weird way.

HaoGu (HIStory 3: Make Our Days Count, 2019): I mourned them like I have mourned no other couple. I should have known from the title but they really lead me astray. My beautiful boys, the star crossed lovers. They still get me emotional now, I might go cry now.

Hira & Kiyoi (Utsukushii Kare, 2021 - 2023): Before ChenAi there were Hira and Kiyoi who absolutely owned my heart. I love how misunderstood by BL fans they were who claimed their toxicity. Meanwhile I simply love how weird their relationship is and getting to see a real Tsundere in action. I'm obsessed with them.

Honourable Mention: Kim Jae Wook as Min Sun Woo in Antique Bakery, 2008. The very first gay character I saw in Korean media. Forever iconic, forever in my heart.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Anonymous asked: I find myself in a terrible rut where I want to read things from my favorite writers, but I compare myself too them and get discouraged feeling like my work will never be that good. I know comparison is a thief of joy, and people say they enjoy my writing, but I can't seem to get out of my own way. My other question is how to take a step back and remember we're doing this because we enjoy writing?

[Ask edited for length]

It can help to bear in mind that all writers--even your favorite ones--felt the same way at some point, and some of them still do. There are successful, famous, best-selling, award-winning authors who still get imposter syndrome. So, on some level, that's just brains doing brain things.

Also, though, it can help to know it's actually a good sign when you feel like your writing isn't quite where you want it to be. It means your taste... to quote Ira Glass (see video below), "the thing that got you into the game, your taste is still killer. And your taste is good enough that you can tell that what you're making is kind of a disappointment to you..." And that matters, because it means your brain knows what's good, even if you haven't quite gotten your writing skill there yet. But knowing... to quote something else... "is half the battle." If you know your writing could be better, you have the ability to get it there and you will.

So, read the post linked below and watch the video:

Comparing Self to Others, Insecure About Writing

And here's another post that might help:

Guide: Dealing with Self-Doubt & Impostor Syndrome

Ultimately, you get back to the joy of writing (and reading) by remembering that writing isn't something you instantly do well. Good writing takes time and practice, and you get better with every book you read and every story you write. So, keep loving what you're doing, because it's getting better and better with time, and there will come a time where you feel more confident in your writing and struggle less with comparing your writing to others. ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[ethanlvndry]

Title:Fuck you too.(part 2)

Warnings: kidnapping, Stockholm Syndrome, toxic relationship, slapping, depression, angst, yandere!ethan, childbirth, you don't feel the sun for a while.

Pairing:Ethan Landry xfem!black!reader

Summary: After your blackout in the Ghostface shrine, you find yourself chained to a pillar in a basement. Are those footsteps, and to whom do they belong?

😨🔪ꜱᴄʀᴇᴀᴍ ᴠɪ ꜱᴘᴏɪʟᴇʀꜱ🔪😨

You've got to be fucking kidding me. Why do I always have to be the one to get split from the group?

Last thing I remember is Ethan's face changing while my visit started to dim.

Oh shit.

ETHAN

I forgot that I was literally carrying the babies of a vengeful serial killer. I have to get out of here. Who knows when he might come back. My statement is answered with footsteps coming down the stairs, dust falling off of them.

Unclean, dusty, old.

I try to remember what the house is like, so when I escape from this hell hole, I know where to direct the police. As the door opens, I pretend to be asleep, laying on my side with the less injured shoulder and avoiding my stomach.

I hear a sigh. The footsteps are coming closer. I hear a sharp whip-like echo resounding through the basement.

My hand finds comfort on my cheek that suffered the impact. My eyes start to water, and my lips start to quiver as I look up and I'm faced with...Ethan.

"Don't try and trick me, I'm already not in a good mood."

I'm at a loss for words and can't even get a whimper out as he unlocks the chain and drags me up the stairs. My legs dragging over a few screws and nails.

"You fucker! You're hurting me!"

"You should watch your mouth, considering how you don't know where you are or how to defend yourself."

I realize he's right and opt to keep my mouth shut as he leads me higher up the stairs till we're in front of a door. He pushes it open to reveal..a normal looking bedroom? It's kind of crazy, considering how he's a literal killer, but whatever.

He goes to sit on his bed, flicking his head up towards me, patting the seat beside him.

I laugh in disbelief at how he really expect me to act like nothing happened. Act like he didn't literally kidnap me. Act like didn't hurt my frie- no family.

"Go to hell you motherfucker.

He scoffs at my vulgar language.

"I didn't do anything wrong [name]... it was that bitch, Sam-"

"Richie fucking deserved it! So did your little slut sister, and your pathetic excuse of a father!"

He gets up, faster than I can blink. As he gets in front of me, he encloses his hand around my throat and squeezes.

Hard.

I claw at his hand, trying to get free, but his strength is no match for my weakened, injured limbs.

"My patience is running thin [name]. Don't run it out. I don't want to hurt you or the baby."

He finally let's go, and I crash to the ground, trying to catch my breath.

"It's two, you asshole."

"What?"

I gasp for air again.

"It's twins."

His face morphs into one of shock at first, then to a sly smirk.

"Guess you'll be eating for two, then."

"Yeah, when I get out of here."

He laughs in disbelief at my statement. He was literally clutching his stomach.

"You really think starving yourself is gonna get you out of here. I thought you were smart [name]. If you weren't smart, I wouldn't have fallen in love with you."

"Damn. Really wish I was stupid now."

He rolls his eyes.

"Whatever, just get on the bed. I need to keep an eye on you because clearly you haven't earned my trust yet."

I stay where I am, tense, but steady. He raises his eyebrows at my act of resistance before he latches his arm out and onto my arm.

"Wait!- I need to take a shower"

"Awww, does momma bear wanna take a shower with me?" He taunts

I hold myself back from flicking him off

"I need to wash and brush my hair. So I don't know if you're up for staying in the shower for 2 hours."

"You don't know how far I'll go for you."

"You're crazy."

"I know love, I know."

He leads me to the bathroom, the comb and hair stuff already set up in the closet. He even got me a bonnet... that looks similar to the one in my dorm.

Fucking creep.

I get shivers just thinking about how easy it must've been for him to get in my dorm. How easy it would've been for him to kill me. I think about the thought more, but then I feel harsher shivers. Those aren't shivers. I think I'm gonna vomit.

I hurry up and hurl myself over the toilet. Barely missing the floor. As I'm throwing up, I start to feel soothing hands on my back while I dry heave all of my stomach content.

I hear slight cooing through the sound of me vomiting. I know that voice. It's the same one that brought me here. Ethan.

Why is he being nice to me all of a sudden. I swear less than a month ago, he was trying to kill me and my family. Does he really want these babies?

My thoughts are interrupted by Ethan setting a toothbrush and a tube toothpaste out.

"After you're done with your shower, brush your teeth. I know you don't wanna sleep like this."

I accept his help and brush my teeth after I take my shower. I walk back into the bedroom to find Ethan on his bed, a book in his hand.

He looks up at me, mouth growing into a smirk. He pats the place by him in bed. I give him an 'are you serious?' Look, and he gives me a 'you know I am' look.

I smile at him walking, towards him just to make a sharp turn on an empty part of the floor and lay down. Faced away from that killer.

I hear him shifting in bed, then a sigh.

"You're gonna end up forgiving me. You know that, right?"

"Fuck you."

He laughs before turning off the lamp. Finally, letting the room morph into a room of darkness.

"Goodnight to all 3 of my babies."

♡♡♡

I start to cry once I hear his snoring. Am I ever gonna get out of here. Unscathed? With the babies alive? Gosh, why did I have to go with him to his dorm that night. I was so stupid, stupid, stupid.

I feel my eyelids getting heavy. Sleep starting to overtake me, I let it, though. It's the one thing I can get right now that I need.

♡♡♡

It's the third day since I've been with Ethan.

He won't even let me look out a window. Not because he doesn't want to get caught. But because he doesn't want me to escape.

"Ethan, please! I just want to feel the sun again! This might even be hurting the babies."

"No means no, [name]. Quit asking me you're getting on my fucking nerves."

I begin to tear up, my anger getting a hold of me.

"Why do you hate and love me?! You do stuff like kidnap me because you 'love' me, but you keep me from being happy because you hate me."

He whips around so fast, I flinch. But slowly open up my eyes when I feel him embrace me. I try to push him off me, screaming and clawing at his arms, but find myself exhausted.

I let myself fall into his embrace, fall apart. Feel him warm me up from the inside.

God, I'm disgusting.

He tried to kill Anika.

He tried to kill me!

But here I am in his fucking arms. Crying?

Making myself as vulnerable as can be?

Making my babies as vulnerable as can be?

This

Is

Sad.

♡♡♡

Day 32 of being with Ethan. My bump has gotten bigger. I get tired faster than before, and I have to pee every second. Ethan finally let me go outside. It felt amazing to feel the sun on my freshly bathed skin again. I felt so clean. So happy and energized.

I'm not as easily disturbed by Ethans presence as I was before. He treats me well. He doesn't get as mad at me as Mindy did when I accidentally ran into Anika. Even though I literally broke a vase him and Richie made it when he was in elementary school.

I don't feel as betrayed with him as when I was with the rest of the Woodsboro group. I feel good. Really good, he treats me well, checks up on me. I even get to choose what we can eat on Fridays- Sundays.

Sometimes we go to the doctor outside. The first time we went out, I noticed how the houses were similar to the ones in Spain. I tried to keep quiet about my observation, but when we got home, I let it slip while we were watching Deadpool.

He told me that we were, in fact. In Spain. I wouldn't talk to him for 3 days until I realized I couldn't just live with him and not speak to him forever. That was the worst argument we've had since I've been here with him.

The doctors give me thorough checkups, and Jack is really involved with the babies. I find it cute. I guess I won't be struggling with them by myself anymore.

♡♡♡

Day 258

My belly has gotten huge. To the point where I use it as a tray for my food, when Ethan and I have movie night.

Ethan proposed to me 4 weeks ago. I accepted, and I'm so happy that I did. I can finally start my new chapter in life with my husband. I do really well in Spanish. Ethan has been paying for my classes.

The doctor says I'm due in 22 days. But I'm so nervous, I'm not sure if I want it to come. I have to do a C-section. I have to, I don't think I would even be able to do a natural birth with two babies.

Ethan went out today to get some stuff for movie night and his birthday. We wanted to do it only together because we know that all we need is each other.

I've been getting a lot of contractions lately. I have a fear of it being the baby coming, but I brush it off in fear of me jinxing it. But that last contraction was something else. I was on the floor crying for Ethan for 10 minutes. Then, I struggled to get up for 10 minutes.

I feel another contraction, then all of a sudden a free feeling between my legs. I look down to see the floor, and my skirt wet...

SHIT. THE BABY IS COMING.

I go to the house phone to dial Ethan's number only to find it disabled. Of course, he still doesn't trust me

I try to open the front door open to find it locked shut. Shit I can't do it naturally. I might die!

I cup my hands around my mouth to call for help when another contraction send me to the floor. I clutch my stomach hard.

I then feel something trying to get out of me, I cry from the Neverending pain happening to me. I push as hard as I can trying to make the pain stop. But whatever it is. It doesn't stop. I go through periods of pushing until I'm on my 10th push and something comes out. I look down to see the smallest living thing I've ever seen. A baby. I clutch her to my chest, beginning to cry as I hear her small coos in my ear.

I then feel another sharp pain between my legs, and remember I'm not done.

I place my baby girl down as I brace myself for another round of pain.

I repeat what I did the first time, but unlike the first time, she came out on the 8th push.

I cradle both of my babies to my chest, crying at the sight of them. My two little girls. I begin to stand up only to feel a sharp pain between my legs. I almost fall right down, but switch one of my girls to my left arm. Grabbing on the couch for stability. I waddle over to one of the drawers to get out a fresh pair of clinical scissors out of a bag. I stabilize my hand before cutting off the umbilical cord of one of my girls. I stabilize my hand once again before doing the same to my other girl.

It takes me 20 minutes to get up the stairs. I opened the nursery Ethan prepared for them and went to the drawer with the smallest size of diapers we could find. I grab 2 of them and head to the sink we installed for baths. I place the net that helps them float on and lay them both down. I rinse them down with Lukewarm water and watch them shudder at the new feeling.

I finally lay them on their diapers that are placed on a towel, and fasten their diapers on them.

I feel myself getting tired, so I begin to get them ready for bed. Feeding them, burping them, and laying them down for bed.

I keep myself awake enough to get ready to take a shower. I would take a bath, but I would be bathing in my own filth. I inspected myself to see that there was no ripping. I deem myself safe for a bath and get to washing.

When I'm done, I end up taking my hair out from my 3 month old braids that Ethan helped me do. I didn't have time for my hair when I hit my 7-month mark.

I put it in twist, then wrap it with my satin scarf and finish it up with laying my bonnet on top. I waddle out back to the nursery and watch my girls sleeping peacefully. I smile, but then it shifts to one of anger. What is Ethan doing? He missed the birth of his daughters. The store is quite a good distance away from us, but he usually makes it back faster than this.

I shake my head, then choose to sleep in here tonight, pulling out the trundle bed. And moaning at the feeling of sinking into the cushiony matress. I feel myself dozing off, and i let it take me. Today drained me, but it was fun.

♡♡♡

I wake up to the feeling of something embracing me. Water? Hitting my face. I open my eyes to see Ethan standing over me.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there - I saw an old friend and we stopped for a bit to talk. I hurried back here as soon as I could afterward."

I quickly put my hand over his mouth when I heard my babies move around.

"Shh, you'll wake them up." I whisper

He just looks at me with a teary doe look in his eye, causing me to roll my eyes, and pat the other side of the bed where he quickly moves over to, and spoons me massaging everywhere I'm sore. He whispers apologies into my ears. But stops when I shush him, asking to just be left to sleep.

He listens and massages my torso until I doze back off to sleep.

♡♡♡

We had a talk in the morning. Well - more like him apologizing and being my slave, as he should. But I forgave him, and we chose to name our girls Samia and Sa'niyah. The names of my friends back in Woodsboro who helped me through everything.

We took turns on who would wake up in the middle of the night to feed them, but it was mostly Ethan since I did the pumping. We took them to the doctors who not only gave them a checkup, but me too, and found that we were as healthy as can be. And deemed okay to return home.

As I'm feeding the twins, I'm left to think about life back in NYC. We're they trying to find me. Or did they honestly not care about me. Whatever one it was, I didn't care because I'm just fine where I'm at right now. With my family, my husband Ethan Landry, and our daughters. Samia Landry and Sa'niyah Landry.

I'm just fine

Just happy

And Just glad where I'm at.

And nobody will take it from me.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Well, that's done.(or is it)

I actually might end up continuing it. But right now, I don't think so.

But let me know what you guys think!

Taglist:@lauratstrange @sx57

@lavenderandvelvet99

@baby-alien11 @ilovechickenwings @astrelvs334 @alice121804

I put a line through those who it wouldn't let me @.

[lovely-maryj]

warnings: spoilers for xavier, zayne and maybe rafayel's anecdotes and just spoilers for love and deepspace in general; cursing like usual lol

so i finally unlocked xavier'a 2nd anecdote, and it's so sad??? like so fucking sorrowful and the angst???

i mean, i was already spoiled about it cuz my sister saw a tiktok about it and she told me but the writing??? that, i did not expect omg

so xavier is definitely really old lmao. i didn't expect it to be told in mc's pov so i was expecting it to be jeremiah or some other person xavier knows but i'm definitely not complaining.

i expected that the 'mc dying in xavier's arms' moment to be in his 3rd anecdote so i was surprised

[edit (10 Feb 2024): the anecdotes apparently switch places when one gets unlocked lmao. so this is actually his 3rd anecdote and it just became the 2nd one because i unlocked it first. sorry for the confusion TT]

can anyone explain to me what kind of being xavier is cuz like it was implied that he isn't human??? he (and jeremiah) is giving long-life species from the xianzhou loufu. or is it only mc that "doesn't have a hundred years" because of her protocore syndrome?? so if it weren't for that, she'd live as long as the others or??

someone pls explain TT

i tried reading the deepspace message thingies but maybe i was really sleep-deprived when i read about philos so i didn't absrob and comprehend a single thing

while we're talking about anecdotes, what the hell is up with zayne's second???

like is it an au or is it further down the timeline (i.e., the future)???

(i actually unlocked zayne's still in dark anecdote first and i'm just only talking about this now lol)

but how is he getting dreams of our present timeline?? and how did he break the 4th wall during that one dream?? all he did was reach for mc's cheek and she was suddenly like "you're not zayne". and can we talk about how people are turning into wanderers?? and zayne is a wanted serial killer. i mean, not for the reasons one would think without any context but he is definitely wanted by the law. also he's so sad?? his apartment is so bare he only has a bed and a dresser in his room?? he wants to be a doctor because in his dreams, he is one?? and even in this universe/lifetime, he is still an orphan. he was orphaned twice??? in the same life??? damn

anyways, ppl, pls explain what the hell is up w/ these anecdotes. spoil me all you like cuz i really wanna know

i haven't unlocked rafayel's yet, sadly. idk how lmao. i mean, it says i should have at least 10 4*/5* cards so that would means it's the same criterion for the others right?? but i don't have 10 4*/5* of zayne nor do i have that many of xaviers?? like i don't get it TT

but i did hear (from my sister ofc) that he became an art teacher in mc's high school??? to like see how she's been?? and he hired a p.i to like watch her from afar?? and he told said p.i to stay away from her when p.i sent him a pic of mc??

does that mean rafayel is older than mc? cuz there is no fucking way he became an art teacher if he's younger than her. and it says on his profile that he's 24?? if he was way older than he looked, then his age would be listed as "???" like xavier's but it isn't. so he's actually 24? that make mc at least 21 i think?? cuz if mc was like 18 (senior year) in rafayel's 2nd anecdote, he's be 21 and that's believable for an art teacher rt?? i actually dk how old mc is in his anecdote but my sister said she was a student.

[edit (10 Feb 2024): he actually became a lecturer at mc's university, not high school lmao]

what i'm sure of is that means he definitely recognized her when they first met (again in his pov) with the goldfish in the main story. why the hell did he walk away so fast tho?? he didn't even let mc finish speaking :( (i will forever hold this over his head)

[edit (10 Feb 2024): so there's a reason for this and i'm thinking it has to do with how mc "betrayed" him in their past lives or smth. that makes me sad]

i know he's a merman from lemuria cuz i finished all available chapters. but why the fuck did i gasp so loud lmao cuz i also already knew he was a merman both from spoilers and the "nightly stroll" chapter in his "falling for you" thingy

i also just wanna know how exactly they met the actual first time?? and how did mc forget?? if i met a merman or someone equally as magical when i was a kid, i'd never let anyone forget it.

anyways, i guess i'll keep pulling for more cards 'til i unlock his anecdote so i can finally (hopefully) piece things together

(i hope none of this was confusing to read. if so, i'm so fucking sorry TT)

[2braincellslz]

Hello! Here are some ideas for requests:

- Bucky Barnes with male reader where reader lost his voice after a traumatic event, they both live together to help each other come but one day Bucky has a brutal breakdown or a nightmare, reader tries to calm him/wake him up but nothing works, so he tries to say Bucky's name and that's the only sound that forces Bucky to open his teary eyes.

- Jason Voorhees and male reader where they have this soft moment, Jason still feels a bit weird around reader, because he thinks he's with him bc of fear, pity or Stockholm syndrome, that he's a monster and monster can't be loved by a human and vice versa, reader notices it and does the "I look at you and I see two eyes, like mine, two ears, also like mine, *boop* a nose which I also have, one mouth, here and here as well, and what else, hmmm, two hands *puts their hands against each other and see the huge size difference*, two legs, Jason is still feeling off and reader takes his hand and places it on Jason's chest "One heart. A heart that beats for me and..." *hugs Jason while standing so Jason could hear his heartbeat* "...same heart as yours, that's beating for you".

- Billy Hargrove and male reader where reader gives Billy a necklace for Christmas (reader was on vacation in California and found a sea shell with pearl) and says "One day, you'll find one there for me as well".

Sorry for such lame ideas, you can delete them if you want, totally ok with that. It's also a mess...😬

Anyway hope you'll have a good day/night. 💕

Better Late Then Never

Ship: Billy Hargrove x Male!YN

Notes: probably not my best but whatever lmao.

Billy's birthday had come and gone. He had thrown a big party at one of his friends' houses. The cops were called. It wasn't an awful birthday, like some of the other ones, but it could have been better. It could have been a lot better. Better how? Well, for starters, his boyfriend could have been there.

It wasn't YNs fault, really. His parents had surprised him with a trip not too long ago. They couldn't blame YN parents either. They don't know when Billy's birthday was and they didn't know that it would be important for YN to be there. It was just on a big quicadince. 

But that wasn't even the worst part of it all. The worst part, at least for Billy, was that he was going to Cali. he would never tell YN to his face but he was a bit salty that he wasn't in Cali with him. Or just in Cail in general. He really does miss California.

But all of that didn't matter because today was the day. Today was the day that YN was coming home. That YN was coming back to billy. 

It felt like it had been years. At least to YN it had. He enjoyed his time in Cali but he was antsy the whole flight back to Hawkens. He and Billy had planned a whole alabrote day to spend together as a kind of “sorry my parents forced me to go to Cali on your birthday.” not only was YN antsy to see his Boyfriend but while in Cali he had found this beautiful necklace. It had a small blue shell on the end of it. It was simple but YN knew that Billy would like it. 

The plane ride was never ending. Thank god YNs parents spent the extra money on the first class. It made the trip at least a little bit more bearable.

When the plane finally landed, the worst part was yet to come. Actually getting off the plane. While YN wanted to rush off the plane, his parents held him back. They wanted to wait till everyone was off the plane before they got off.

“You don't want to be shoved off the plane, do you?” YNs mom, who was sitting next to YN in the window seat. “You don't want to be rushed.”

“Mom, Billy is waiting for me…” YN sighed, fidgeting with the box in his pocket.

“I don't understand why you want to spend your first day back with him. I haven't heard great things about him from your brother.” YNs mom sighed, watching the people that left the plane.

“He's kind to me.” YN could see his mom give him an off look out of the corner of his eye.

YN knew that other people, mostly people in his family, had a sneaking suspicion that YN wasn't as entirely straight as he let on. No one said anything but it was kind of obvious.

“And you are going to be with him all day? Are you spending the night?” YNs mom asked. YN trusted their mom. If he was going to tell anyone what was going on between him and Billy, it would be his mom. She coved for him. If YN wanted to spend the night at BIlly's house, though they usually got a hotel so they wouldn't have to deal with Neil, then YNs mom would cover for him.

“Yeah, I'm staying the night.”

“Getting a hotel again?”

“Yep.” YN could see his mom smile. Even if she didn't know what was going on between him and Billy, she was happy for YN. even if Billy was just a friend.

But he wasn't just a friend. 

He was more. And his more was waiting for his boyfriend and probably getting irritated.

“Alright, let's go.”

YN and YNs mom stood up, grabbing their book bags from under the chair in front of them. 

YN practically ran out of the plane, passing his brothers and dad. He ran past people in the airport and weaving by suitcases. He ran all the way to the baggage claim. 

He looked around, panting. It took him a bit but he found him, the man that he ran through a whole airport for. 

“Billy!” YN yelled, practically knocking over the basketball player when he lunged at the man. 

“Jesus, calm down.” Billy hugged YN back. It was rather quick though so that no one would get any bright ideas.

“Hey.” YN smiled, hands itching at his side to reach back out to Billy.

“Hey.” Billy looked over YN. “You got a tan.”

“Wow, it's almost like I was in the sun for a whole week.”

Billy rolled his eyes. “Shut up, let's go get some food.” he smiled, wrapping an arm over YNs shoulders. 

Billy had grabbed YN luggage while he was waiting and, like the gentle man he is, was carrying it for YN.

“Where shall we eat?” Billy asked once you got to the car, throwing your luggage in the backseat of his Chevy. 

“It's your day, you pick.” 

“Starcourt Mall. We can eat in the food court.”

“Sounds good to me.”

YN slipped into the passenger side as Billy got into the driver's seat. Billy started the car and rock filled the car. The song was easily recognizable. “Love Of My Life.” by Queen. It wasn't Billy's usual music but it was YNs.

“Is this the mixtape I gave you?” Yn asked as Billy pulled out of his spot and drove out of the airport parking lot.

“Maybe. What did you name it? Something sappy, right?”

YN rolled his eyes. It was sappy. It made YN cringe whenever he thought about it. “Melted candy hearts or something.”

“Exactly, really really sappy.” 

“Yeah, whatever you say Mr. Tough guy.” YN let his head lul back, closing his eyes as the ballet filled his ears. YN rested his hand on the center console which was quickly held by Billy.

It was one of the few things YN and Billy could do in public, kinda, to show each other affection. No one could really see their hands while in the car so they always took the opportunity to show each other a little bit of affection. Another thing they would do would be walking with Billy's arm around YNs shoulders. To the outsiders, they just saw it as a guy leading his friend somewhere but they knew. Billy and YN knew what it really meant and it was kind of special for them. 

Billy pulled into the mall parking lot and shut down the car. He stepped out and waited for YN who quickly followed. 

Billy reposished himself back with his arm back around YNs shoulders. The pair walked around a bit before they settled down to eat some shitty Chinese food. Honestly though, it was better than the food they gave YN in first class.

“How was your trip?” Billy asked, shoving some more rice into his mouth.

“Boring. It wasn't any fun without you there to get us into trouble.” YN looked up from his tray with a goofy grin to watch Billy's face shift to fake shock.

“How could you! I thought we were friends!” Billy dramatically placed a hand over his heart.

“You hang around Eddie too much.” YN rolled his eyes, taking a bite of his orange chicken.

Billy just chuckled and turned back to his food, stuffing some more into his mouth. 

After the pair was done eating their food, they walked through the mall. Occasionally, entertaining the idea of stopping by Scops Ahoy to see if Steve would let them in the back way.

After everything the Hawkings kids have been through, no one really cared about childish things like popularity causing all rivalries to become unimportant. Sure, people still remembered what Billy has done but they also know he is working on himself. He is becoming better. He has made amends with Max. he is better.

YN took Billy's wrist, pulling him into the ice cream place. They walked up to the counter, interrupting Steve's pitiful attempt at flirting while Robin held up a shigh from the back that read ‘SOS’ in bright red.

“Steve!” YN shouted, drawing Steve's attention away from the two girls who used Steve's moment of being distracted to make their escape. 

Steve's face lit up. “YN!” he shouted back. 

“Hey! Nimrod. How many kids are you friends with?” Robin asked from the back.

YN knew Robin and Robin knew YN. basically everyone knew everyone in their big group but Robin was not one to pass up a monet to make fun of her friends.

“We are your age.” Billy smiled, slipping through the divider to get to the back with YN close behind. 

Steve jumped through the window and closed the shutters. “How was Cali?” 

“Not that great. We didn't get to go to the beach or anything, just spent a lot of time at my grandma's house while my parents ran off to have fun or something.”

“Or something?” Robin asked, ignoring the sound of Erica abusting the bell.

“Or something.” YN repeated with a shrug, sitting down at the table.

“So where are your kids, stevie? I thought they always hung around here for the free ice cream?” Billy asked, placing his hands on your shoulders. The two of you could be yourself around the gang, they all knew.

“Well first off, they aren't my kids.” 

“Yes, they are.” Robin said, cutting off Steve.

Steve glared at Robin “And secondly, they are at the movies.” 

“Speaking of movies…” YN said with a smile. 

Steve groaned and rolled his eyes. “Yeah yeah, sure.” he moved from his spot leaning against the counter and pulled open the door for the couple.

“Pretty sure they are playing Dr. Zhivago.”

YN stood up and walked out the door, thanking Steve on his way out. Billy wasn't too far behind him. As soon as the door shut, their hands were interlocked together. It might not be a long walk but might as well take advantage of one of the few moments they have alone together.

They sat down near the back, no one really sat in the back so they could enjoy their moment together. The movie had already started, about twenty minutes in, but it's not like they could complain, they did get in for free. 

YN fidgeted with Billy's hand the whole time. Whether it be rubbing circles into his hand with his thumb, moving YNs promise ring to Billy's hand then back again, or just holding it. It was another one of the few moments they could be affectionate in public. Everyone was watching the movie, anyway. 

The movie ended and the pair went on to the next activity and the next. The last thing they did before turning into the hotel was bowling where YN absolutely destroyed Billy. 

Settling into the hotel for the night, Billy and YN laid in the massive bed together while watching some random documentary on TV, though neither of them were really paying attention. 

Billy had his arms wrapped tightly around YNs waist with YNs head resting on his chest. YN clinged to Billy like a baby otter clinging to its mom. 

That's when YN remembered. The necklace.

“Billy?” 

“Hmm?” Billy hummed, rubbing YNs back.

��I got you a birthday present.” YN pulled away from the warmth, sitting up on his knees.

“Really?” Billy asked, sitting up.

“Alright, close your eyes.”

Billy closed his eyes, chuckling softly.

“Ok, Now. stick out your hand and open your eyes when you feel the box.”

Billy stuck out his hand. YN fished the box out of his pocket and placed it in Billy's hand. Billy blinked his eyes open, looking from YN to the box in his hand. He pulled off the small lid and looked over the necklace.

YN watched carefully, fidgeting with his hands. He prayed to whatever god there was that Billy liked it.

“Wow… this is perfect…” Billy smiled, leaning forward and placing a kiss on YNs cheek before pulling out the necklace and putting it on.

“Does it look good?” Billy asked, playing with the small blue shell.

“You look good in everything.” Yn said, scooting forward and resting his head on Billys shoulder. 

“Someday, when I visit California again, I'll get you a matching one.”

“Vist? Don't you want to move back there? That's your home.”

“My home is wherever you are.” Billy hummed, kissing the top of YNs head.

“That's so sappy.”

“Shut up!”

[presleyannn]

advice from Taz - 9.25.23

One thing about me is that I am a big fan of anime. Not only that, but my brain loves to hyperfixate on things. Therefore, I am often hyperfixated on anime.

My latest hyperfixation is One Piece. It really is crippling in law school when your every waking moment is consumed with thoughts of One Piece lol.

So as you might imagine, as a One Piece fan, I was extremely excited for the live action. I really admired all the time, effort, and love that was put into the show from Oda and the cast and crew, so I could feel it in my bones that it would be good. It was btw. If you haven't seen it, you definitely should. Even if you're not a One Piece or anime fan. I got my best friend to watch it and she loves it. It has been a true joy to see so many new people get into One Piece.

But anyway, being a fan of the live action, I feel that it's only natural that I fell in love with the cast too. The time and energy they put in and the dedication to the accurate portrayal of their characters is extremely admirable. If nothing else, watch the show just for them.

Although I love all the cast members, Taz Skylar really captured my heart. There is so much to love about him. I could go on about him all day, but that's not what this diary is about, so I won't.

ANYWAY, my point in mentioning this is that I booked a Cameo from him awhile ago, and he gave me the sweetest message and advice that really stuck with me, so I wanted to share it here.

I am in law school at only 20 years old, so I am one of the youngest in my class. I know that there are a few other 20 year olds in my class, but I have yet to meet any of them. As a result, I have been suffering from some pretty severe imposter syndrome. I often feel like a baby sitting in class, and I generally just feel out of place.

So, I shared this with Taz, and he reminded me of the quote, "Be less impressed and more involved," which I believe was coined by Matthew McConaughey. He said that he deals with imposter syndrome every day (as many of us do), but he repeats that quote to remind himself to be less concerned with everything that is going on around him, and more involved in what he needs to do to accomplish his goals and truly enjoy the experience.

Specifically, he told me to be less impressed with how smart everyone is around me, and more involved in what I need to do on a daily basis to achieve what I want to achieve. This really struck a chord in me and put things into perspective.

I find myself comparing myself to my classmates all too often. Seeing them seemingly prepared and on top of work knowing that I am behind has only put me more behind. I convince myself that they're already leagues ahead of me and I have no chance of catching up, so why even try?

But this quote really stuck with me and has helped me to detach myself from everything that's going on around me in order to focus on what I need to do in order to do my best on all my exams.

Of course the imposter syndrome has not gone away completely, I still have my moments where I feel like I'm not cut out for law school. But I also have moments where I remember what I'm here for in the first place, and I am able to remind myself that all the other standards I've been setting for myself don't really matter at the end of the day.

All I want is to be is a good lawyer that can help people who need it. However, law school loves to push the competition of it all, and it's hard to not get caught up in it. There's so much pressure to finish at the top of your class, and while that would be wonderful, as long as I can finish school with the ability to successfully represent my clients and achieve their deserved justice, nothing else matters to me. This is what I have to remind myself of each day when I find myself applying too much pressure to be “better” than my peers.

I need to be less impressed with how well everyone is doing around me–because I only end up thinking that I could never measure up to them and should just give up–and the fact that I even ended up in law school in the first place, and instead be more involved in my dreams and what I have to do to achieve them.

If you have a dream, a goal, something that you really want more than anything in the world, you CAN, and you WILL achieve it. Just remember to be less impressed with what is going on all around you (whether it be what other people are doing or even the awe of being in the situation you find yourself in), and be more involved in the work that must be done in order to achieve your goal. If you remain concerned with what people are doing around you or feeling like you are undeserving of the opportunities you are given, and fail to take advantage of those opportunities and put in the required work, then you will remain right where you are while everything else outgrows you, including your dreams.

But I believe in you, and I am manifesting it for you. You WILL achieve your dreams. You got this!

And here’s Taz for you :)

[tinystrawberryshifter]

How’d the Heartthump crew handle being isekaied into dungeon meshi?

For clarity sakes: I'm an anime watcher and haven't read the manga yet so sorry for any inaccurate info and the crew will not be getting any new powers as it'll be just themselves from canon being isekaied. Natasha: Since she reads manga and watches anime, she would first be ecstatic to be teleported to a magical world, with her friends no less! Though quickly she'd realize how dire the situation is when they eventually get attacked by monsters. Though I think if they run into Laios' party, she'd get along well with all of them, esp Laios because of shared hyper fixations! While hesitant at first, would try the weird dishes they make.

Jason: Now I've tried to do research on any giant encounters in the series so far and it doesn't look like it didn't cover giants being any uh... 'courses'. So I think in that regard he'd be safe since he's not only human, but also sentient. His growth powers would come into use for defending his friends though, he isn't an experienced fighter. I think he'd love cooking with Senshi because he shares a love for making food too even if the ingredients are from strange creatures. He'd think it'd be normal for a 'weird fantasy land' to have weird fantasy food.

Ellie: Oh no. She would have the hardest time adjusting. She'd be hiding behind her friends for most of the journey as her therapy skills would only be used to keep herself together in a place where not only monsters are real but they're not even in the same reality. Though I think she'd be besties with Marcel as they're both 'tired/anxious college graduates who are trying to just survive out there okay?' The food that the group makes would gross her out and she won't even try it until she sees everyone else eating it. Motor: Bro's living the dream. While he hasn't faced real combat, the guy goes to the gym and has, in fact, learned how to weld a sword just incase he ever gets whisked away to a magical world. Though he didn't account for the reality of still needing to eat, rest and not have a 'main character' syndrome. He'd be ecstatic to eat monsters so him and Laios would get along great! Chilchuck would hate him.

[absolutebl]

Hello. I was wondering if you have a master list of all the shows that got released this year? I've looked through the 2023 upcoming list and there are some missing and some that never premiered.

I wanted to see what I may have missed.

Thanks.💜 my-rose-tinted-glasses

Sure thing, hon! Here ya go!

All BL 2023 releases

So far, that I have on the spreadsheet. Not sure how you want it organized so I did it by country and then alphabetically.

Japan

Blue Sky Complex

Can I Buy Your Love From A Vending Machine AKA Sono Koi, Jihanki de Kaemasu ka?

Candy Color Paradox AKA Ameiro Paradox

Egoist

I Cannot Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai

If It’s With You AKA Even If I Fall In Love With You AKA Kimi to nara Koi wo Shite Mite mo’

Jack o'Frost

Let's Eat Together Aki and Haru AKA Aki wa Haru to Gohan wo Tabetai

Minato's Laundromat Season 2 AKA Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2

My Beautiful Man 2 AKA Utsukushii Kare Season 2

My Beautiful Man: Eternal AKA Utsukushii Kare Eternal

My Personal Weatherman AKA Taikan Yoho

Naked Dinner AKA Zenra Meshi

One Room Angel

Our Dining Table AKA Bokura no Shokutaku

The End Of The World, With You AKA Bokura no Micro na Shuumatsu

Tokyo in April is AKA Shigatsu no Tokyo wa

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2

Korea

A Breeze of Love

A Shoulder to Cry On

All the Liquors

Bump Up Business

Happy Merry Ending

Individual Circumstances

Jun and Jun

Love Class 2

Love Mate

Love Tractor

Our Dating Sim

Our Winter

Sing My Crush

Star Struck

The Director Who Buys Me Dinner

The Eighth Sense

The New Employee

Unintentional Love Story

Why R U?

When it was good it was very very good, when it was bad they were dying.

Taiwan

HIStory5: Love In The Future

Kiseki: Dear to Me

My Tooth Your Love

Stay By My Side

VIP Only

You Are Mine

Thailand

609 Bedtime Story

7 Days Before Valentine

A Boss and a Babe

Absolute Zero

Bake Me Please

Be Mine Super Star Superstar

Be My Favorite

Bed Friend

Between Us

Beyond the Star

Boyband the series

Cafe In Love

Chains of Heart

Cooking Crush

Crazy Handsome Rich

Cutie Pie 2 You special

Dangerous Romance

Destiny Seeker

Dinosaur Love

For Him the series

Friend. Boy Friend

Future the series

Hidden Agenda

Hit Bite Love

House of Stars

I Feel You Linger in the Air

I Will Knock You

La Pluie

Laws of Attraction

Love in Translation

Love Syndrome III

Low Frequency

Make a Wish

Man Suang

Middleman’s Love

Moments Of Love

Moonlight Chicken

My Biker

My Blessing

My Dear Gangster Oppa

My School President

My Universe

Naughty Babe

Never Let Me Go

Only Friends

Our Skyy 2: A Boss and a Babe

Our Skyy 2: A Tale of Thousand Stars

Our Skyy 2: Bad Buddy

Our Skyy 2: My School President

Our Skyy 2: Never Let Me Go

Our Skyy 2: Star in My Mind

Our Skyy 2: The Eclipse

Our Skyy 2: Vice Versa

Pastsenger

Pit Babe

Playboyy

Remember Me

Senior Love Me

SHADOW

Step By Step

The Luminous Solution

The Promise

The Sign

The Whisperer

Till the World Ends

Tin Tem Jai

Tin Tem Jai special

Twins

Venus in the Sky

Wedding Plan

The Philippines

Ever After

My Story

Our Story

Stay

The Day I Loved You

Tie The Not

(underreported, I don't keep track of Pinoy stuff anymore)

Singapore

Pure Vanilla

Hong Kong

Stay Still

Myanmar

The Love Ring

China

Stay With Me (Addicted + moar censorship)

I bolded anything I rated over a 7/10. Although some of these I opted not to watch and others are still airing (and thus as yet unrated). So don't take an unbold as necessarily a negative.

I haven't assessed how many are releasing in December

(I probably should deal with the "The" but I lazy.)

[khaleesiofalicante]

i've noticed that even in tsc no one ever talks about lucifer. we know so little about him. did that kinda inspire you to explore his character? and if it didn't where did you come up with the idea to develop his character so much before we actually get to see him?

i fucking love that btw. that you've written so much about luci and there's so much discussion about him but we haven't even met him properly yet. i'm going to lose my shit when he comes.

one of the most terrifying scenes in fmf was when david found out about lucifer's creepy cameras. it felt so violating (something that david is constantly suffering with). and even in lbaf, he is kinda omnipresent. he's not not here but we know that he's still there.

also in all your stories lucifer is somehow always associated with david. rn we're focusing so much on luci's connection to lance but i'm pretty sure he'll be connected to david too. idk how but i'm sure.

i'm really looking forward to see lucifer's arc. i can't even imagine these people defeating lucifer. because how can you defeat someone you don't even know!

Hope this isn't creepy, but I have always had a weird fascination with Lucifer. The idea of rebelling against God(!!) has always made go a little feral so it's a character I think about a lot.

FMF was definitely one way to explore his characterisation a lot. I know we all know that Lucifer is "powerful" (obviously) but what I wanted to explore was how he uses that power and what he uses it for. Like what his motivations and strategies and fears. It's one of my favourite things to do when I create a character and I was able to do a lot of this in FMF.

So, what do we discover about him based on FMF. We know he isn't loyal to anyone, but he expects loyalty from others. We know he enjoys control - whether it's to know what everyone is doing all the time, or whether it is simply to manipulate someone physically - Nico or emotionally - David to keep them under his thumb. We know he is not obedient and does not like authority figures (youngest child syndrome for real).

One of my favourite things is that he isn't messy. I feel like most villains and princes of hell are. They are either too greedy or too impatient or too chaotic. Lucifer is none of that. He knows exactly what he wants and only goes after it. He has a plan for everything. And he doesn't get emotional or irrational. That's what makes him powerful and dangerous.

My task was to explore ALL of these dimensions in the lbaf world which is a lot easier said than done. One way to do it was...for him to do nothing at all.

Because so far (if you are following the story well and remember what we saw in Azazel's pov ) everything is going EXACTLY how Lucifer wants it to go. He's not even intervening. He's just letting things happen because he knows/sees what will happen. He is letting other people do their job for him while he watches/monitors. That's control. That's power.

And yes. He has a connection to David. Not a literal one. But it's something I came up with for plot reasons because I see David as the character Lucifer would be most fascinated with because David exerts the same kind of control/influence over Max. Despite all the shit he goes through, David always gets what he wants and that's definitely something Lucifer finds powerful and curious - as mentioned in FMF. We'll explore this dynamic in one more fic actually. But more in that latter.

AND YES I CAN'T WAIT FOR HIS ENTRY EITHER. I AM SCARED TO WRITE IT BECAUSE OF THE SELF-PRESSURE.