Tumgik
#i hc lilia having raised 3 sons
twstwonderlandstuff · 3 years
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Sleep depravity
You feel like shit.
Flashback
Ahaha, the new year! A time for fun and festivities! Surely, that’s what YOU’RE going to be doing, right?
Wrong.
Well, I mean right, but it’s not fun by what most of NRC calls as. So imagine this, right, you’re sitting in yo damn class doing your damn shit when suddenly, your classmate whispers to you from behind.
“Hey.” You nudge an elbow, to show that you’re listening. 
“You should watch ‘Tales of the Seven Lords’. It’s a really good series.” You nod in thanks at the recommendation and your classmate retreats back to his seat. 
And the day goes on as usual: Running around campus doing your part-time jobs, occasionally talking to your friends and seniors, feeding Grim, appreciating how fine everybody looks today- pardon me.
So now, it’s bedtime and you’re there listening to Grim talk as you do your homework. Then, he says: “Oh yeah, someone said something about a recommendation, right?”
“Right, I forgot about that.” You nod, finishing your homework in time. “We should check that out to watch for New Years. It’s in a few days.” You sigh, bouncing your leg. 
See, unlike from where you’re from, NRC has a different curriculum, where the OFFICIAL tests come out somewhere in the 3rd and 9th month of the year, not the 6th and the 12th, so this is just cooldown time for you to kind of chill and relax. 
“Right, holidays~~~ We don’t need to listen to Vargas anymore!” Grim hums cheerfully, and you nod. He’s already loud and super annoying every time he meets a slightly muscular kid, but add THAT with him rambling about safety protocols? Nah, man, ya can’t.
"Ah yes, the holidays where everyone goes home and leaves us here to wail and stay all alone with nobody- I mean I got you but you know- nobody and probably have to clean the school.” You take a deep breath. “Lovely.”
"That annoying guy is going to do something like that...” Grim complains, rolling over to flop on your stomach. “I don’t wanna!”
“Same...” You reply lazily, fist bumping Grim’s paw. “Hahah... hah...”
Despite your complaining, you feel a little giddy. I mean, come on, you get the FUCK around the school, all day by yourselves! What’s not to love about that? And the series is sure to keep you entertained.
Flashback end.
‘That was a terrible, terrible thing to think about.’ You thought blearily, thoughts swirling around your head as Grim falls asleep on you, *heetos and dorr*tos all over your body, making you feel sticky and gross. 
It’s now the actual new years, where everybody’s gone home and like you predicted, Crowley did assign you to tasks- fucking bird, so you and Grim’s ass didn’t do what he told you. Fucking hell, the school’s been functioning DAMN well without you, surely the tasks not THAT big of a deal, right?
After goofing around for a few days, you’re getting bored, so you drag your lazy self to Sam’s store (where his friends from the other side are tending it for him) and rent out a DVD- Crowley didn’t gift you a phone, unfortunately (but still fixed that old TV set??? Man’s got some weird priorities)
You bring this news to Grim, who immediately begs and whines for you to open and watch the show. So you did.
The first episode, you were intrigued, but only a little bit. The same went for the 2nd and 3rd episode. You’re about to call it a lame series when you hit... the 4th episode.
It was a wild ride of emotions and wow... that scene where Henry helps the king really brought you and Grim to tears. 
You were hooked. Or in other words, you were fucked. Fucked because now, you can’t THINK of anything BUT the series, which forces you to stay at home and watch the entire god-damn thing and now its 2 days after that.
At... you blearily open your eyes and notice the cracks of light shining through the curtain. “Oh god...” At somewhere around 8 am in the morning.
“Fucking hell... I’ve gone and fucked up my sleep schedule... shit...” And for some reason, tears began running down your eyes. What the fuck? Are you THAT tired that’d you’d cry over your SLEEP SCHEDULE?
Yes. Yes, you are.
You hear a knock at the door. “Oh my fucking god.” You curse, rolling down the uneven wooden floors, wincing as you get splinters. You lethargically stand up  and open the door and look up to see...
HEARTSLABYUL
Someone 5 cm taller then you- oh screw off, you’re 145 cm, its okay to be pissed, you know?
“Happy new year, prefect-” You interrupt him.
“Oh.. you’re cute!” You grin gleefully, pinching the red hair’s cheeks.
“U-unhand me at once!” The guy with red hair shouted, forcibly taking your hands away. “Or its off with your head!”
"What, you’re gonna- you’re gonna tie me up~?” You tease, punching the guy’s shoulder. “That’s kinky dude... like tone down the horny ya know...”
2 guys with red-orange hair and other with blue starts laughing loudly in the background and you laugh too.
The guy with red hair STARTS turning red- oh my fucking god, people can turn red?
“OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!” And a collar winds up around your neck.
“Eh????” You ask, lightly tugging at the collar. “What the fackin hell is this shit? Y’all really out here puttin’ collars and shit on people... in the middle of the day too... wow...”  You mutter, slipping into a country accent.
Flash! You hear a snap of a camera and turn to look at another person with a feather duster on his head- why does he have a feather duster- you know what, its cute, and you like it. You reach up and begin petting it, effectively blocking the phone he’s holding.
“Eto, prefect? You’re kinda- woah!” You look at him with a glazy eyes from those 2 days of non stop watching.
"Are you a...” You ponder, biting your lip as you blink repeatedly. “Are you... a fuck boy?”
(“CATER’S A FUCK- CATER’S F-FUCK- AHAHAHAHA-” Ace wheezes in the background as Deuce starts laughing harder, neither of them caring that they have collars on their first day back.)
Fuck boy has a bewildered look on his face, but before you could see his reaction, another hand goes to tug you back. You look up and... is that... is that lettuce, you see? No no way, it... it kinda looks like broccoli, though..
“Let’s get you to bed, prefect.” The broccoli tells you firmly, but like hell are you listening to a broccoli! Fuck man, you got higher standards then that, come on!
“No! I’m not listening to a broccoli!” You duck, effectively pulling out of his grasp and ran inside to wherever room you’re in and slam it shut. “YOU’RE NEVER GETTING ME, BROCCOLI MAN!!!”
(”Bro---brocoll-” This time, it’s Deuce’s time to collectively pound weakly at the dirt, one hand holding onto Ace’s shoulder as he looses it.)
Eventually, you slump on the ground and slowly... you don’t hear the brocolli’s voice anymore.. which is good (but like, why does his voice sound so... sexy??? Like, why??? It doesn’t make any... sense...)
---
Ace and Deuce finish from their laughing stock, having to hold on to the third years to get up from their position. “We’ll go check on the prefect.” Deuce tried to say, a snort or two making its way to the sentence.
“HAH- KINKY- KINKY FUCK BOY BROCCOLI--- AHAHAHAHAHA-” Ace was still loosing it as he walked inside, a tear streaking down his face. “I love the prefect so fucking much.”
Laughter bubbles up against Deuce’s throat as he walks in. “F...Fuck...boy...”
“W-where is the prefect, anyway?” They immediately see you, slumped against the hallway, snoozing away. With their strong powers, they gently lift and place you on the sofa, amidst all the gunk and shit that’s piled up.
“Ew, what were they even doing?” Ace cringes, looking at the mess. “It smells like shit.”
“They’re watching ‘Tales of the Seven Lords’- oh.” Deuce nods, in extreme understanding. He too, has pulled all-nighters with his gang to watch this series... oh how they cried like mad.
“Oh, that show... it’s bad. I don’t like it.”
“What?!” Deuce swiftly turns around. “But its really good!”
“No, it’s not, what? You got some poor taste, Juice.”
“It’s Deuce, not Juice! And you’re the one with poor taste!”
They bicker all the way, until they’re lovingly threatened by Riddle to NOT say a word, or its way more then off with your head, got it~?
SAVANACLAW
An extremely good-looking lion man- lion man, the fuck???- who lazily looks around at your dorm. Behind him is an EVEN better looking man, this one with a very fluffy tail and BEEG ears and BEEG body and my god, wow... he also sexy- like, sexier then lion man.
“Furry?” You mutter, your eyes falling onto another boy with animal-like ears and tail, except he’s shorter then the two, but his eyes seem to have more light in them.
“Happy New Year, prefect~!” He cheers on, his small tail wagging- oh that is cute oh my fuck- oh shit-
“...what the fuck? Why the fuck are there furries?” You gasp in alarm, running your hands through your hair in a frantic manner. “HAVE I MISSED A FUCKING GENERATION OF FURRIES?!”
“NONONONO NO NO NO THERE’S NO FUCKING WAY- NO-” You scream, falling onto the floor and grabbing a piece of your hair.
A shadow seems to loom over you, and you can feel something fluffy- or maybe that’s just you. “Prefect, are you okay- not like I’m worried, or anything, but...?” That line seems like something you’ve heard, but from where?
“Has the herbivore lost their mind?” Sexy lion man can be heard asking in the back, his voice quickly slipping into a yawn.
“Are ya worried, Leona?” The smaller guy teases, a ‘shi shi shi’ going past his lips.
“Tch.”
Well they seem like good friends- nice.
“I’m fine-” You look up and BAM WOAH WHAT IS THAT- SOMEONE’S PANTS AREA THING NOPE-
“I’M NOT FINE FUCKKKKKKK!” You scream back. The guy jumps back.
“Prefect, are you possessed?”
“By this stage? I might as well fucking be- HAH!” And you snort at that- it’s not even funny, you moron. “Oh, and also sexy lion man- yeah I’m talking to you, yeah you-” You point at said man. “I’m not a herbivore, okay? Like, I’m not a vegan (NO OFFENSE TO THE VEGANS OUT THERE), umm...” You slip into a dramatic accent where everything becomes more pronounced.
“I’m a fucking omnivore, and if you wanna like, insult me, please do it right. Thanks.” You pose, your hands making a heart shape, before slumping onto strong boy’s arms.
“Pfft- AHAHAHAH-” And Ruggie’s gone and lost his shit, because what’d you expect, right?
Leona looks surprised, before becoming very irritated, dragging Ruggie by the scruff/neck and walking away, leaving Jack to deal with you.
His seniors out of earshot and eyeshot, he glances at your sleeping form, which was nuzzling up to him, sighing in bliss as the warmth surrounds you.
He lets out a snicker despite his best efforts not too. Goodness, you surprise him every day.
He easily brings you inside with a princess carry, making sure to respectfully touch only your legs and you back to support you.
He glances at your sleeping form- what on earth were you doing that could keep you up so late, anyways? Oh, he finds out by passing through the living room, TV still on.
He finds your bedroom and lays you down there, not bothering to bring Grim inside- just kidding, he absolutely brings Grim in because he knows how much you love each other, but you didn’t hear that from me~
He glances at your form again and brushes some hair out of your face. The steady rise and fall of your chest eases him. Maybe he should stay here, just in case you wake up and act like THAT again and that’s something he’s sure a lot of people aren’t ready to witness.
He takes a chair and sits in front of you, once again having his eyes trained on you, seeing he has nowhere to look at.
A content smile passes your lips, and he smiles at that. What kind of dreams are you having, he wonders? (Little did he know its about him)
Wait.
If he’s waiting for you like this, isn’t that what you usually do for friends?! He stands up immediately, regretting his actions just as fast as he notices you squirm, sighing in relief as you settle back down onto your dazed state again.
“Happy New Year, prefect. Let’s make more memories together.” He mutters lowly, far too low for you to hear but somehow, you smile at just the right moment.
He leaves quickly, a red blush adorning his cheeks. No, that does NOT make him happy in the slightest! His tail isn’t wagging, his ears aren’t red, you’re lying!
Right?
Wrong.
Yeah, right.
Oh, god damn you and making him so confused!
OCTAVINELLE
An incredibly good-looking gent, with a smile on his face that doesn’t look as nice as it should. And look, he’s got a fedora! That speaks fancy~
“Happy New Year, pre-” You take the fedora and slap it onto your head, to the surprise and subsequent irritation of this man.
Or octopus. Honestly, they radiate the same vibe, so you wouldn’t know.
Then, you began doing the Orange Justice (cringe) as you hum- “Mhph, then you break it down! Down! Down! High! Down!”
“Is shrimpy-chan okay?” Oh what the fuck he’s so tall- THERE’S ANOTHER ONE YOU’RE SEEING THINGS-
“Oya oya.” HE HAS ARA-ARA ENERGY OH MY GOD YOU CAN’T DEAL WITH THIS- NONONONONO-
“Ara ara? Ara ara ara~ ara ARA!” You reply in kind, switching to a weird boogie as you sing offkey about a song.
“Under the sea~~~ under the sea~~ something, something, du do do do, under the sea~ under the grass, and till they fall~ ahhhh!!!” You grab the gent’s hands and drag him to you, paying very close attention to your feet as you attempt to tap dance.
The gent splutters indigation, so you leave him be and focus on your feet.
“Ne, that sounds fun!” The 1st double says, following you to dance- except he’s doing way better then you.
“Wha- how the fuck- that’s good! How the fackkkk... fuck... fucking... fucking fucking wop wop!” You giggle, trying to imitate his dance.
“Hehe, shrimpy’s funny when they’re tired!” Double 1 says, grabbing your waist as you shout in fright.
“Jade, maybe we should-”
“Let them be, Azul.”
Upon closer inspection, you realize that this ‘Jade’ has resonating vibes with Sebastian from Black Butler- wait, is this the twin cliche?! Where there’s the crazy one and the other’s the sane one?! But then again, he has that scary smile on his face... hmm, maybe that theory should be left alone.
You, still Double 1′s arms, shout: “Come on butler man! Join us!!!”
“Butler... are you referring to me?” He sounds surprised.
“Yeee! Come on dude,let’s vibeeee-” You stop mumbling and began singing again. “Oh oh, I’m a rebel just for kicks now! OWAH!!!”
“Owah~~” Double 1 joins, and Jade with a grin, joins in. “Owah~”
“...owah...” The gent also joins, albeit in a softer tone.
“What else, shrimp- eh??? They’re asleep!” Floyd pouts as he gazes at your non-moving body. “No fun.”
“Oya, maybe we should bring them back to their couch. It looks like a nice place to be.” Jade remarks, looking at the pile of chips and snacks on the floor. Floyd shruges, dropping you with a thud, but you don’t seem to wake up. Jade picks you up for Floyd and brings you to the couch.
Azul cringes at the sight of messy chips. “It’s giving me heartburn just looking at it.”
“Don’t lie, Azul. We saw you eating the same thing yesterday~” Floyd teases, a wide grin placate on his face.
“...I could’ve sworn nobody saw me! How...” Azul mumbles to himself, a red flush on his face.
“They’re asleep. We should leave them be.” Jade suggests, walking back to the group.
Azul nods. “There’s nothing I can make a deal about, anyway. And, the benevolent sea witch wouldn’t agree with that, wouldn’t she?”
"Yeah! Goodnight, shrimpy!” Still, you don’t reply, but Floyd looks happy enough since he hoists Azul up from his stand and walks out with him, princess style.
“F-floyd, put me down!”
“Nah, Jade looked really happy holding Shrimpy, so I’ll do the same to you~”
“Floyd!”
Jade walks behind them, watching as they have their fun.
Did I really look that happy? He glances back at your living room and gives a rare, sincere smile to the dimly lit room.
“Goodnight, prefect. I hope to get along with you better.” He whispers to himself, before closing the door gently behind and catching up to his brother.
SCARABIA
Sunshine??? in the form of a... homo sapient???? and a snake??? why the fuck-???
“Happy New Year, prefect! I brought you some food, a few blankets and oh!” The sunshine greets, giving you things, which you don’t have the strength to take, but nod as thanks anyways. He hands you a carpet, incredibly soft, 100% quality. “A carpet- eh, prefect?! Are you okay?!” The sunshine fusses, grabbing your cheeks in worry.
You melt, easing into the touch. “I’m okay now.” You lazily reply, giving him a slow wink. “Haha, get it? Cause- cause you’re here, and you’re the sun, and you’re cute, so like... haha? No?” You don’t let him reply as you sigh and nod, taking his hands of your cheeks. “Alright.”
The sunshine grins at your attempt. “I don’t really know what you mean, but thanks!” Oh my god he’s so cute-
“...hopefully, these things can dress up your broken- er, rustic house.” The snake replies, watching your behavior with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.
You son of a bitch-
“Look, snake-man. No no no no, look at me. Watashi no eyes, you look at eyes- you see my eyes?” You stalk towards the snake, squinting at the bright sun (2 suns) as you trudge towards him. “Y-you see? Yeah, these eyes have tried their FUCKING best to fix up this dorm, so please, bro, please don’t like, mock it cuz like-- it’s really fucking hard- and you know why?!”
“Why?” The sunshine questions, just as you hope (but for some reason, the snake has backed away and is guarding the sunshine. You wonder why.)
“Lemme tell you why- lemme tell you why. So, this bird-man bitch boy I don’t fucking know, right-” The snake sort of laughs at this description as sunshine nods. “This guy, right, leaves ALL this SHIT to me- like BITCH, did you see the fucking state of this... I don’t know, um, SHACK?!” You point aggressively at the house. “Yeah man, it was SHIT! Like, there were holes, rats on the ground, and there were a insects everywhere...” Oho, snake seems to tense up at this, walking towards sunshine in a scared manner.
“The wood was rotting, it smelled like mold... the couches were moldy, the BED was moldy... it was... it was FUCKING shit mate, like the fuck?! You expect me to clean up that shit in what, like...” You bring up your fingers, not even counting. “Three fucking days? Like what the fucking hell, bitch? I’d like to- to- to know what the fuck crossed his mind, like the fuck, you know?”
“That seems hard, prefect. Do you want us to help?” The sunshine offers, but the snake interjects, saying: “Kalim (oh, so his name is Kalim, huh? Cute name for a cute guy!), how many times do I have to tell you? Don’t-”
“But it looks like they’re having a really hard time!” Kalim argues, pouting and looking at you pitifully, and you give the snake a woeful mourning face. The snake glares at you, before sighing heavily. Ah, damn, you feel kind of bad.
“Nah, it’s okay sunshine, I can handle it. Oh, by the way, have ya seen my baby?” You say nonchalantly, describing your feline friend.
“Baby?” The snake pales. “You have a baby?!”
“Prefect, why do you have a baby?” The sunshine panics too, eyes widening, forgetting the nickname you gave him.
“Yeah, I do! Wanna see-” Slump! You fall onto the ground before you can finish your sentence, leaning across the snake’s legs.
“Oh... they’re probably talking about Grim...” Jamil realizes, sighing in relief at the thought.
“Oh yeah, that’s probably it! Hehe, we think alike, Jamil!” Kalim grins, much to the chagrin of Jamil.
“Yeah, yeah, we do. Now come on-” Jamil lifts up your body, princess style and grunts. “Help me open the door.”
“Sure thing!” Kalim hums, opening the door. “What do you think they were doing, looking so tired?”
Jamil shrugs, walking inside ASAP, first giving the dorm a quick sweep with his eyes- he isn’t quite sure how to feel about the bugs you said. They pass by the living room and upon seeing the disarray, nod in understanding.
“Kalim, can you clean it while I put the prefect back in their room?” Kalim nods and gets to work, rolling up his sleeves.
Jamil smiles, nodding as he walks towards your bedroom, opening it with his foot. Surprisingly, it looks WAY cleaner then your living room- you really did stay up all night to watch whatever show was on, huh? The bed isn’t even creased.
Jamil sets you down gently, and you immediately roll to the side, sighing in comfort. He watches as the crumbs of snacks fall onto the bed, and thanks the graces that its not Kalim’s, or his bed that got the food spilled, phew.
Speaking of Kalim, how is he faring? Jamil walks back to the living room, fully expecting to see Kalim get distracted, but much to his ACTUAL surprise, the room is a quarter cleaned. The crisps are thrown in the trash bin and the blankets are folded up, albeit not neatly.
Jamil smiles, a little bit proud of Kalim. “Kalim?”
“Here. Shh, not so loud. Grim’s sleeping.” Kalim whispers back, waving from the kitchen. “I’m trying to clean the dishes, but...”
“Here, let me teach you.” And so, they two do their best to help clean the living room until it’s up to Jamil’s standard.
“I bet they’ll feel surprised when they wake up!” Kalim giggles, happy that it’s clean.
“I hope so, it’ll be a waste if we did all this and they didn’t notice.” Jamil frowns, crossing his arms, satisfied. “I’m sure they liked the gifts, Kalim?”
“Really?! I didn’t go overboard, right?!” Kalim worries, looking at Jamil in concern.
“You always do.” Was Jamil’s snide remark.
“Jamil!” Kalim pouts, and Jamil nods.
“It’s true.”
“Aww... I thought I really... aww...” Kalim shakes his head, cheering up immediately. “There’s always next time! Let’s visit Heartslabyul next, Jamil!”
“Let’s go.” And Kalim rushes out, shouting a ‘Happy New Year!’ to the dorm, despite his previous warning. Jamil says nothing, echoing his behavior as they walk out.
(And it’s true. After 14 hours or so, you wake up, walked towards the living room, and cried the SHIT out of your eyes. It really was nice to see, you know?)
DIASOMNIA
 You can’t distinguish who the fuck this person is, but they’re definitely tall. 
“Who the fucking hell??? Is so fucking tall?” You ask in a whisper. “Hello?”
“Don’t talk to Malleus-sama that way, human!” A guy that looks similar to a cucumber yells. 
“Shut up, my guy. Oh shit, sorry I probably sound really fucking rude hah.” You snort, pinching the nose of your bridge. “Um, what can I do for you? Or something?”
“You look pale.” A softer voice comments. You turn to look at him and oh fucking HELL he looks so... soft??? Princely???
“Woah.” You breathe, grabbing his face. He quickly pushes you off, but you don’t mind. “What the fuck... Your face??? Is?? Nice???” 
“Thank... you...?” He says strangely, stepping away. “Da- LIlia-sama, I think we should leave. ___ doesn’t seem to feel well.”
“Nonsense, ___’s fine. It’s probably just lack of sleep.” You let out a bark at that. 
“Hah, lack of sleep. More like lack of heat!” You giggle at that- why did you giggle at that it literally makes no sense. You turn to look at this ‘Lilia’ person and holy shit, is that a d i l f ?
“...Dilf?” You mutter, stetching out your hand to touch this short emo man. “Emo???”
“What is a dlif?” Emo man’s face contorts into confusion, one that is not often seen in his face. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that phrase...”
“Dad’s I’d Like to Fuck, because damn bro, you look- you look like you raised hot kids and set them on a frying pan do you get me, cuz like you’re also sexy? I don’t... yeah.” You nod  heavily at your sentence. 
Emo man and prince-looking guy’s face contorts into a grin and a horrified look respectively. Tall man seems to have the same face as prince-looking guy, while Cucumber just... freezes. 
“Are y’all okay??? You know what, I don’t- I don’t have- I’m not- I’m- I’VE GOT THE APPLE BOTTOM JEANS, BOOTS- BUTTS- BUTTS WITH THE FURRR, THE WHOLE CLUB WAS LOOKING AT HER~” You break out into a song, changing your voice to a country accent. 
“SHE TOOK THE FLOOR AND GOT THE JEANS AND WENT LOW LOW LOW low low low low...” You sync in with the music, going lower to the beat until you lay your body on the ground and slowly lose sight (or blurry shapes) in front of you.
You don’t know what happens next, but you do know that someone’s riding a small cow. With big horns. And hair? With the bit of consciousness you have left, you reach up to touch the cow horns. 
“Sick...” You mutter, and your hands fall slack on the small cow’s horns and you finally fall into well-deserved sleep.
EXTRA
“Lilia.”
"SEE SILVER, I TOLD YOU THAT PEOPLE WOULD-”
“I DON’T NEED TO HEAR IT, DAD!”
“NONE OF US DO!”
“Lilia.”
“I- I’M A DILF- I- I’M A DILF- HAH, I’M- OW OW OW... ow.. my back... oh, yes... Malleus?”
“I’m bringing the human inside.”
“Sure..- argh, ow ow ow... Silver, Sebek, come help me!”
“Yes, old man...”
“...”
“Pfft... a dilf... a dilf....” Malleus snickers at your naming choices, lighting up candles that you’ve strategically set. Once the lights are on, he can’t help but squint at the messiness of your dorm. He walks past the living room and opens your simple bedroom door, placing you on your bed. You don’t seem to be unbetrubed, but you squeezing something in the air. Ah, perhaps you’re looking for the cat? 
Poof! Grim instantly nuzzles into you, and you both sign at the warm heat between you. Malleus smiles at the sight and leans closer to you, and whispers: “Happy New Year, child of man. Let’s make more memories together.” He gazes at your simple room, and his eyes falls at your bedside table. He smiles fondly at the picture on your bedside table. It’s you, Grim and him in Ramshackle’s living room, you making flower crown as you bitch on about physics, Grim agreeing and complaining as well. 
He gives you a small pet on the head and disappears in neon butterflies. 
“Shall we go?”
“Oh, young whisperer, you’re back. I take it ___ is back in their bedroom?”
A smile blooms on Malleus’ face. “Yes, now let’s go.”
“Dilf.. dilf...”
“I can’t... dilf... I can’t.. no...”
*
I don’t fucking know what this is
I just thought--- lilia... is a dad.... and he sexy
and memes... and i created this fic
please enjoy it
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Ramble away, cause I feel the twisted head rot, I kinda wanna see what you think about our bois. ~ a pocket sized dragon hops in excitement.
A POCKET SIZED DWAGOOOOOONNNN 😭💞💞💞 That’s so BLESSED, and tysm omg, I’m very glad to just spill out my barking on every boy, bc yEAH THE BRAIN ROT SKDHAKDB
THE BRAIN ROT IS SO REAL LOL
Everything I breathe ends up relating to TWST in some way, like at this point just let me take my friends, cousins, and pets, and of course Lulu and Seb, and I will have 1. A Gottdamned Harem, 2. So Many Children, and 3. NEVER WANT TO LEAVE. Kwfhskdhjwek
Ok this is gonna be long bc I gotta cover all my boys, so rip lol.
Dorm Leads:
Riddle
GOD, my Fucking Baby, my CHILD, my SWEET BABY BOY, I’M 👁💧👄💧👁
I would die for him, beetch, he is PRECIOUS ♥️
He reminds me of how I feel Ciel would behave if S/O took the place as Sebastian’s contracee, too, so like 🥺 Lots of feels 😭
Is Son, I have adopted him now. If you mistreat him, don’t ever speak to me or my son ever again. I’ll FIGHT his MOM, don’t TEST me. I’m his new mom now. His BIRD mom. So proud of him, he’s like...one of the few that’s actually shown growth in canon after his overblot kshdkadjs
Leona
👁💧👄💧👁
.....I am a Mere Simp....
Ya’ll.... I swearh to ghOD I simped hard for Scar back when I was a wee thing, I did NOT expect to simp for him AGAIN LATER IN LIFE, what the FUCK aidhskdhskdj
Like shit bitch, damn, you may not be king of Afterglow honey, but you can be king of my heart if you wAnt to bb....
Leona: *smiles once, even if it’s smugly*
Me: *WEEPING* Look at hiiiiiiim!! My sunshine booooooy! 😭
Does this make me a furry
Probably
I am too Simp to Care Anymore
I HESITATED TO GET ATTACHED BC THIS BOY LOOKS LIKE A FUCKIN WOMANIZER IF I EVER SAW ONE, BUT HE DRINKS HIS RESPECT WOMEN JUICE EVERY SINGLE MORNING AND I WAS A GONNER SNDJAJDHSJ
FUCK
Call me a Herbivore again, bully me //SLAPPED
Azul
He secretly a lil shit sometimes, but tha’s ok, it’s mostly in a silly way, especially post overblot~ UvU
The sweetest bby everytime I read fanposts on him, like god, ah 💜💜💜 WHOMST COULD BULLY SUCH A CUTE CHUBBY OCTOBABY I’LL FIGHT ALL OF EM!! A sweetheart 10/10 would be his friend 💗 Not making contracts with him tho, lol
...ok maybe SOME after his overblot, but they’re able to be easily reversed now, so it’s way more chill andhsjdj
Kalim
FUCK!!!! F U C K!!!! BABYYYYYYY!!!! BABY!!!! I HAVE ADOPTED HIM IF YOU TOUCH HIM YOU D I E
He is literally so sweet, anytime anyone was like “you’re so nice it’s annoying” I WAS READY TO COME FLYING IN TO BITCH SLAP THEM LIKE AJDHSKDHSJ (even if I also loved them lol)
Like NO you are WRONG whfksjd
He has also grown so much, and I am proud ♥️🧡
Vil
Jesus Christ, canon Vil is Hurting Meeeeee ajdhskdhsj
My fave fanon Vil is the one that recognizes all different types of beauty, though~ uvu and is v encouraging to anyone that may be struggling with self hatred 💜
Canon: Vil is pretty~.
Me: Wow, wtf???? He IS so pretty... How rude I didn’t think you were serious! Wow him??? Pretty??? Wow??? Wow...
Idia
I’m not sure yet, as I haven’t seen him very often, but of the few times that I have: BIG same, huge mood, and Me FUCKING Too, goddamn akdhakdj
Idia is my Anxiety and Anime Nerd personified tbh lol
What Ortho is to him are what all my comfort characters are to me, honestly.
Like what would you like bby, you want that singing voice?? Ok here comes a synthesizer just special for you~. Ily, mwah~ u3u 💕
Malleus
HEAVY BREATHING
Ok maybe it’s just the lack of story/info out on him yet, but I don’t currently simp as hard for him compared to Leona, I’ll admit jajdkajd
BUT BOY HOWDEY DO I EVER STILL S I M P...
He Is Baby... And I Lob Him....
I am going to smooch those horns and forehead crown of beautiful scales 🖤🖤🖤 I am going to do it!!!! Here I go!!!
HE CAN HAVE ALL THE ICE CREAM AND TAMAGATCHI DATES HE WANTS I’M- 😭
This man is too precious for words, and I have so much childhood nostelgia to ‘enchanted’ woods, and being in the mountains, so he has Old Fae Friend vibes to me~🖤
DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON F-
Ngl I ship him and Leona a lil bit lol
No, not just bc that makes a poly with my two faves easier, but that is a bonus factor jadhajdj
Vice Dorm Heads:
Trey
Oh my god, the Daddy to my Mommy with all these newly adopted lil kids of ours, ya know??? What a wholesome sweetie and funny lil shit jahdksdh~
I love him, I would gladly make tarts with, AND for him 💚💚💚
The kind of boi who I’d ship HARD with anyone he started dating bc My God it would warm my heart So Much 💞💞
Ruggie (unofficial but may as well be at this point lol)
He took a while to grow on me kadhskdhsj
But I think he’d be a sweet, if a trouble-maker of a friend to have~.
Dank you for taking care of my sweet lion bby, honey, I’m sure Farrena is a sweetheart, but boi I hope he gets his shit together to fix up where Ruggie lives 😭
I think if I met his granny, I’d CRY jadhajsh 💗💗
Leech Twins (?)
Idk if they’re vice leaders, but who cares lol
THESE are the older Big Brothers in every sense of the word. (My canon ages most everyone up just a bit, save for Riddle, Ace, Deuce, Kalim, Jamil, Cheka, and anyone already 20+)
The ANNOYING older big brothers, lol.
The ones that hug you to death (Floyd), or use you for an arm rest (Jade), and specifically Do the thing you asked/told them NOT to Do.
This is fine with me tho, I’m an only child, please give me the experience of annoying older brothers lol 💙💚
Jamil
I used to hate you bby, I’m so sorry akdhskdhs
I’ve adopted him now, and I’m v proud he’s trying, but making clear what his boundaries are, and trying to come out of a shell he was made to be in for so long 😭
AND HIS DANCING IS SICK LIKE HONESTLY I’M SUCH A PROUD MOM 💗💗💗
Rook
God. FUCKING Rook, lol.
IDK IF I SHOULD TRUST YOU, but I also kinda wanna be your friend akdhakdjs
HE CONCERNS ME but he also seems nice and v sweet sometimes, lmao
Blz don’t stalk me tho 😬
STOP SHOOTING YOUR ARROWS AROUND SCHOOL YOU BLOODY HEATHEN FRENCH PRISS, YOU ARE GOING TO KILL SOMEONE
Also, if he DARES hunt cute animals around me, especially BIRDS, I am going to GRIP him jahdkahdsk
He’s like if Lord Druitt was a Little More Nice and a Little Bit Less Creepy ajdhak
Lilia:
GOD.
I LOVE THIS FUCKING GRANDPA.
I. FUCKING. LOVE. THIS FUCKING. GRANDPA.
I absolutely hc him as nonbinary w/masc pronouns, I absoLUTELY do.
I adore him, I love him, I haven’t gotten a squish (hardcore desire to be someone’s friend, lol) this hard for a character since AngelDust, I-
Pwease be nonbinary friends with me, Lilia 🥺
THE ONLY PERSON HERE SHORTER THAN ME, BUT I’LL TAKE IT AJDHAKDHJS
Anyone know Corpse and how he plays Among Us? That’s how I see Lilia playing his video games with friends and I JUST I JUST I J U S T
The Spencer to your Carly.
He and Crowley are free to compete as Dad with me too like honestly kshdkadjjs
He’ll always be granpa tho uvu 💚💖🖤
Extras:
Ace
God, the Fucking Annoying Middle Brother that pranks you ALL THE DAMN TIME, but I love him andhakdhsk
Deuce
THE BROTHER THAT WILL BEAT UP YOUR BULLIES 💙💙💙 SWEET BABY BOY
The Josh to Ace’s Drake. The Cody to Ace’s Zack. The Freddie to your Carly and Ace’s Sam.
If he and Ace started dating, tho, I would CRY.
But regardless who they end up dating, it’ll be slow burn friends to lovers, and literally the most adorable shit to watch EVER 💞💞💞😭
Cater
Seems Like A Womanizer But Actually Drinks His Reapect Women Juice And We Stan That 🧡
Can always count on him to help tou get the best Magicram shots, bless you Cater 🧡🧡
Also rly wanna be his friend, ngl 😭 Even IF he pranks me a lot kadhakdhsj
Jack:
H E AV Y BR EA T H IN G
Ngl my feelings for him are in the air IDK IF I WANNA SMOOCH OR NOT YET I JUST KNOW I LOB HIM HE GOODEST BESTEST BOY 💛💛💛😭
If all three Savannaclaw bois got in a cuddle pile with me, I would Not Be Mad
How can I give this boy love, tell me and I will Do It
Gift him all the cacti’s he WANTS💛
God he drinks that respecc women juice bright and early on his run every morning, you KNOW he does 💛💛💛
I wawnt to pet his ears an tail an fwuffy wolf form 😭
I WAWNT TO SEE THE BOY SMILE AND BE HAPPY 💞💞💞
Sebek
CHILL CHILL CHILL CHILL CH-
He is a v devoted guard tho, we love to see it UvU
I don’t have more info on him hekdhskdj but his fanmade content seems v v sweet~ 💚
Silver
HE ATTRACTS BIRDS AND I CRY ABOUT IT PLEASE BE MY FRIEND AND TEACH ME HOW 🥺🥺🥺
Him being raised by Lilia and Malleus literally gives me so much Fucking Seratonin....... God 💞💕💗💗💞💞💗💗💕💞
Ortho
IS BABY????? IS BABY!!!!!! I’M LOVE HIM I’M ADOPTING HIM IS BABYYYYYYY 💙💙💙💙💙
Cheka:
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
He is so FUCKING CUTE what the FUCK!
Leonaaaaaaa... 🥺 Your NEPHEWWWWW 😭
I might steal him from Farrena tbh, lIKE MY CHILD NOW~ 🧡🧡
I just sob and hug him every time I see him honestly 😭
Teachers:
Dire Crowley
Ohhhhhh god oh god oh god
Be my dad. Please. Be my dad. PLEASE be my dad. Ya’ll think I’m joking, I’m not. Please adopt me. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.
This man as a father gives me so much dopamine and oxytocin and seratonin??? I have been weeping for WEEKS, please adopt me, Sir
Fathers with zero braincells being wrapped around a daughter’s little finger makes me so weak, and I am just here with Daddy Issues like ajdhakdhsj BLEASE ADOPT ME MISTER BIRD MAN
Crewel
Ew.
Forgive me, I haven’t seen much content with him in it/that could be considered wholesome, bUT JADHWKDJSJ
UncoMFORTABLE
Please keep the kink talk out of the classroom, S I R
Call me puppy one more time, see what happens, I’m not scared to fight a teacher akdhakdhsj
Trein
The Dad Figure that tries to be the stern part to Crowley’s blumbering kahdkqrhsjdj
Don’t feel as much attachment to him emotionally, but I like him~
Just let me pet your cat sometimes and give you holiday presents, and we’re cool~ ♥️
Vargas
Found the womanizer //SMACKED
And of course, I can’t forget Grim~!
He’s grown on me, and if anything happens to him I will kill everyone in the room, and then myself 😭
I will pet and snuggle and hold him all he wants and feed him all the tuna his heart desires uvu 💙
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