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honeypiehotchner · 2 years

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Will you be my Valentine? (Hotch x Fem!Reader) -- one shot

Happy (belated) Valentine’s Day! This one shot turned out to be a lot longer than I was expecting, hence why it’s being posted today instead of yesterday 😭 (Also the first scene with Garcia is 100% inspired by a TikTok I saw and the idea just spiraled from there)

Summary: Each time a new member of the BAU figured out Hotch had feelings for you...and when he finally told you.

Warnings: tooth-rotting fluff babes. It’s vile how cute this is

WC: 3.6k

Everyone knew Hotch had it bad from the first day you started working at the BAU.

There was a case on your very first day, so introductions were sparse before you boarded the jet. You met with Hotch, and the two of you talked briefly about how things work in general, though he said you’ll pick most of it up from actual experience.

The case was in Arizona, and it was a long one. But it didn’t take long for Garcia to see right through Hotch.

“So, um. How’s it going with the new agent?” Garcia asked, twirling her feathery pen back in Quantico.

Hotch shrugged. “Why are you asking me?”

“What is that in your voice?” Garcia said. She grinned. Say it ain’t so, she thought. Hotch, the Unit Chief, having a crush? This is too good. “Oh my god, you think she’s pretty.”

“Penelope--” he tried to stop her, to tell her she had it wrong because that would be wildly inappropriate, plus, his thinking that you were pretty had nothing to do with--

“Oh, you totally do!” Garcia giggled, ignoring his protests because he was deep in denial. Finally! A crush! “PG out, lover boy.”

He shook his head as she hung up on him, but he knew the blush was evident on his cheeks. He could feel it, so he knew everyone could see it.

Even you, who walked in a second later to ask him a question.

You saw the red tint on his cheeks, but thought nothing of it as he steeled his face once more before listening to your question.

+++

A few months passed since you began at the BAU, and still Garcia was the only one privy to Hotch’s secret. He thought.

“Have a good night,” Hotch said quietly as he passed your desk. You were gathering your things to head out for the night.

“Don’t stay too late,” you teased, shouldering your bag. You noticed he had a fresh mug of coffee in his hand. “You need sleep too, you know.”

“I’ll try,” he said with a smile as he bounded the steps up to his office. “Sleep well.”

Rossi watched (and heard) this interaction from his office. He waited until he saw you disappear into the elevator before he knocked on Aaron’s door.

“Come in,” Hotch said, not looking up from the paperwork at his desk until he realized it was Dave. “Hey, heading out for the night?”

“Not yet,” Rossi said, sinking down into one of Hotch’s chairs. “So…what are your plans for the weekend?”

Hotch eyed Rossi suspiciously. Every time Rossi began with that, it meant one of three things: 1. He genuinely wanted to know what Hotch had going on this weekend, 2. He wanted Hotch to do something with him, or 3. He was digging.

Digging for what exactly, Hotch never knew. Until Rossi caved and outright asked.

“What do you think of Y/N?”

Hotch shrugged. He continued working on the paperwork to distract himself. “She’s doing really well. She adapted quickly. I’ve been very impressed. Strauss has too.”

Rossi hummed. “Well, that sounded rehearsed.”

Hotch looked up from the papers, giving Rossi a tired stare. “What?”

“I asked what you think of her,” Rossi repeated, smiling smugly. “Not how she’s doing at her job.”

“What’s the difference?” Hotch returned to signing off reports.

“Oh, come on, Aaron,” Dave sat forward, tapping the desk. “I’m not that dense. And neither are you. You think she’s cute.”

“She’s very pretty,” Aaron answered without hesitation, regretting it immediately because it only gave Rossi more ammo.

“I knew it,” Dave grinned, sitting back again and clasping his hands together. “Well?”

Finally, Hotch put his pen down. “Well what?”

“Are you going to do something about it?”

Aaron grimaced. “You make it sound like it’s a problem.”

“It is if you never tell her,” Rossi pressed. He had lectured Aaron many times on the dangers of never telling a woman how you feel about her. Especially when it was clear she felt the same way.

“It’s inappropriate,” Hotch said, reverting to his usual defense.

“You’re both adults, clearly capable of making your own decisions,” Rossi replied with a shrug. Aaron knew that Rossi was the reason the No Fraternization rule existed, but he also knew Rossi was the first to say how much bullshit that rule was ladened with. “I don’t see the problem.”

Hotch glanced back down, scribbled a signature on Morgan’s report and tossed it aside, opening yours. He paused. “For one thing,” he started, flipping open your folder. “I don’t know how she feels.”

Dave stared at Aaron, wondering if the man across from him was being serious. As it turned out, Aaron was.

“If you saw what I did earlier, then you’d know she does,” Dave said.

Aaron shrugged again. “She’s nice to me because I’m her boss.”

“She’s civil toward you because you’re her boss,” Rossi clarified. “She’s nice because she feels the same way you do.”

Aaron sighed. He knew Dave meant well, but it was exhausting to listen to him. Aaron wanted to say something to you, but at the end of the day, he was your boss, and you his employee. It didn’t sit right with him. And if he ever did say something, that would be the first topic of conversation. It was too complicated.

Not to mention, he had only known you for a few months, and all of that time consisted of work settings -- save a few nights at bars or restaurants with some of the team.

“Ah, I see,” Dave said, nodding slowly. He stood up to leave.

“See what?” Aaron asked before Dave made it to the door.

“You’re too far in your head about this,” Dave said quietly. “Once you get out, you’ll know what to do.” And he left.

Aaron stared down at your report, your perfect handwriting. It looked far better than his, and miles better than Reid’s. It was very clearly yours, too. It fit your personality.

He closed the folder. The rest could wait until morning.

+++

Not long after Hotch’s talk with Rossi, Morgan was the next to put the pieces together -- and say something about it.

On the jet returning home from yet another case, everyone slept, except Hotch, Morgan, and Rossi. Reid curled up on the couch. Emily and JJ fell asleep in their seats, and you had taken over two other seats to stretch out. No one minded. Morgan gave you his jacket, against your protests. Hotch wished he had given you his, but Morgan had beat him to it.

Morgan noticed Hotch watching you wistfully while you slept, looking up every now and again from his tablet to check on you. Hotch’s eyes shot toward you impossibly fast every time you moved, watching for a moment to be sure you were alright before he looked away again.

After watching this for an hour, Morgan moved from his spot by Rossi to sit in front of Hotch.

“Hey,” Hotch said, nodding to Derek. “Can’t sleep?”

Morgan shrugged, biting back a grin. “I got a cat nap in. You?”

“I’ll sleep better in my bed,” Hotch replied. “I’m a little too tall for these seats.”

“Yeah, you always looked scrunched up,” Derek teased, jokingly mimicking the position Hotch once tried to sleep in. He woke up with one hell of a catch in his back. “Can I ask you a question?”

Hotch looked up, suspicious and a little scared. “Sure.”

Derek opened his mouth to speak and you shifted in your sleep again, causing Aaron’s eyes to shoot over toward you. His eyebrows drew together as he watched you, waiting for you to settle back down.

By the time Hotch looked back over, Morgan was smirking.

“What was your question?” Hotch asked.

“That right there,” Morgan replied, lowering his voice a little just to be sure you wouldn’t catch any of it. “What’s goin’ on?”

“What?” Hotch asked, feigning innocence, but he could feel the heat rising in his cheeks, and the smile he wasn’t able to hold back. “I don’t, uh-- What do you mean?”

“You should tell her,” Morgan said, starting to grin. “You really should.”

What Hotch didn’t know is that exactly two days before this, you confessed your feelings to Morgan. Only because he caught you smiling at Hotch, and you knew he wouldn’t give it up. Also because you were starting to go a little crazy, holding it in. But you called it a stupid crush and said it would go away. Derek didn’t believe you.

“No,” Hotch said, but he kept smiling. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” Derek shrugged. “What’s the harm?”

Hotch stayed quiet, looked back down. He shook his head.

“Hotch, you gotta put yourself out there,” Derek whispered. “And you gotta do it before you’re too late.”

Hotch nodded slowly. He should’ve known you’d have someone else on your horizons. You’re much younger, far prettier than he ever thought to be real. No wonder someone else took notice. No wonder someone else was ahead of him.

“Seriously,” Morgan pressed a little further. “Valentine’s Day is coming up, y’know. Perfect timing.”

Hotch chuckled softly, shaking his head at Morgan’s wicked grin. “Alright.”

+++

Emily and JJ realized it at the same time you did, though you told yourself you were overthinking and making it all up.

Hotch had bought your coffee.

It didn’t seem that strange, or romantic even. You happened to be at a coffee shop down the street, waiting in line to order when Hotch got in line behind you.

The two of you talked while you waited. What a happy coincidence, both of you were there before work. Your heart fluttered with every word he said, every smile he showed and laugh he let slip. Even his jokes, you were flustered beyond belief.

And then he got your coffee for you.

He asked, and you were so shocked that you said yes. You couldn’t stop smiling and neither could he.

Truthfully, Aaron was over the moon. His heart was beating like crazy, and he wondered if you noticed his nervous laughter. (You did.)

When you got back to the BAU, walking in together caught Emily and JJ’s attention. Reid was in the middle of a book, and Derek was nowhere to be found (probably off with Penelope). But Emily and JJ immediately tuned in.

“Hey you two,” you smiled, walking around to your desk.

“Hey yourself,” Emily grinned, keeping an eye on Hotch as he walked up to his office, smiling to himself. “You’re in a good mood.”

“A very good mood,” JJ echoed, propping herself up on the corner of her desk. “You and Hotch got coffee?”

“Yeah,” you replied, thinking nothing of it. “I just ran into him at my usual place.”

Emily and JJ shared a look, raising their eyebrows.

“Just ran into him?” JJ asked, shrugging her shoulders.

“…yeah?” you laughed. “What about it?”

“Did he buy your coffee?” Emily asked quietly, biting back a grin. “That’s…” She cocked her head, giving you a look.

“It’s what?”

“It sounds like he likes you,” Reid piped up, eyes still focused on his book. “It was a romantic gesture.”

Reid had known for a while. He kept it to himself, though, because nine times out of ten, when he first picks up on these things, no one else has yet. And if he mentions it, it’s often invasive and people get defensive, because it’s something they don’t want to think about.

So, he’s kept it quiet. But he has noticed. And now it’s getting obvious.

Your mouth remained open in shock. Hotch? Having a crush on you? That seemed ridiculous. Impossible, even. He’s your boss, for crying out loud. Not to mention, older and…does he even date? He doesn’t talk about his personal life. You know he’s divorced, but that’s it.

“No,” you laughed awkwardly. “I mean, I buy my coffee for my friends all the time. I’ve bought you guys coffee,” you gestured to Emily and JJ. “It’s fine, right?”

“It’s fine,” Emily shrugged. “Yeah, it’s fine, it’s not anything serious.”

“Just a coffee,” JJ agreed, although both of them still didn’t fully believe you.

It was friendly, sure, but the kind of friendly that had romantic undertones and intentions.

But you didn’t want to think about that because it felt impossible. They were reading too far into it, that’s all.

It’s a running joke that joining the BAU is a death sentence for your love life, so it’s a regular conversation, that’s all.

That’s all, you told yourself. That’s all.

+++

The BAU rang in February with a new case, this one in Alabama. It took a week or so to solve, and by the end of it, you were all exhausted. Yet you needed to eat, so the team went out for dinner.

Somehow — you never really know how this happens — the conversation veered toward Valentine’s Day. Derek brought it up, purely because he and Penelope are planning to spend it together watching the worst rom-coms imaginable.

“I don’t know, it just kinda bums me out. I never look forward to it,” you said, expecting to be in the majority at the table, but you weren’t.

“What?” Derek said. “We’ve gotta change that.”

You smiled at him, though it felt like he was pitying you.

“Why does it bum you out?” Hotch asked earnestly.

You hadn’t expected him to say anything, let alone to ask you a question. “Because,” you started. “I guess I just see all these happy couples, and the cards and balloons and flowers and chocolates and it’s— It’s just too much to look at.”

“You know, most of the happiest couples on Valentine’s Day are actually struggling in their relationship,” Reid said, mid-chew.

“What statistics back that one up, pretty boy?” Morgan teased.

“Just an observation,” Reid shrugged, swallowing.

“I know,” you replied. “I know statistically — also just from experience — that they’re not that happy, but still. They still look it. And it’s, you know, it’s sad.” You paused, not wanting to finish your sentence but you knew you had to because you dug this hole for yourself. “Because…I know that I’ll never have that.”

“What makes you say that?” Hotch asked, his voice quiet with concern.

“Yeah, Y/N,” Emily said, her face sad as she shook her head solemnly. “You don’t know that.”

“But…I do.” Your smile was a soft, sad one born from acceptance. “I never have had it, and it just seems so unlikely for me. Besides, I don’t want to be pretending to be happy and in love. That would be worse than being single.”

“Not everyone is pretending,” Hotch said, his eyes soft.

“Maybe,” you shrugged. “I didn’t mean to take over the table, guys. Let’s— JJ, what are you and Will doing?”

The conversation went back into safer territory, as JJ told the table that her and Will would probably do something small after Henry went to bed. Or maybe a dinner, after Spencer offered to babysit.

“Yeah, or I could babysit,” you offered. “You guys should have a date.”

“Uh, you should too,” Emily said. “You’ll find someone.”

“Considering Valentine’s Day is in three days, I doubt it.”

The table was silent for a moment, but Rossi broke it. “You’ll find someone,” he said with his small smile. “You’ll see.”

You rolled your eyes. It wasn’t unlike Rossi to talk like a fortune cookie.

+++

Aaron wanted to throw up.

Well, he wouldn’t go that far, but he certainly was nervous. He didn’t even know if you’d show up.

But he waited. Inside the coffee shop, at a table by the window, he waited. The barista kept giving him this look, like she pitied him because it was Valentine’s Day and he was sitting at a table for two. Alone.

He texted you and asked if you wanted to grab coffee, but you hadn’t texted him back — yet. Still, he needed something to do today, so he came anyway.

Why did he give everyone the day off? He felt ridiculous.

What Aaron didn’t know was that a few miles away, you felt even more ridiculous.

“It’s not even a date!” you cried over the phone. “What the hell am I so worked up for?”

“Because you like him!” Penelope gushed. “And he clearly likes you. Oh, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!”

You laughed at her as you worked your boots over your heels. “Relax, Pen.”

“I won’t!��

“Okay, well, I need to go because he texted like…an hour ago and I’m not even on the way. God, what if he’s already left? I bet he—”

“Shush! No more! You have a hot date and no room for self-doubt, now go!”

“Fine, fine, I’m going. Let me text him that I’m leaving— Penelope.”

Your heart dropped out of your ass. There, staring back at you, was your text message that you meant to send an hour ago. You forgot to hit send.

“I forgot to hit send!” you screamed, flying toward the front door. “I’m such an ass!”

“No you’re not!” Penelope yelled back. “Call him!”

“I can’t!”

“I will literally add him to this call right now if you don’t—”

“Don’t you dare!” You promptly hung up with her and called Aaron. “Come on, pick up. Pick up, please, pick up—”

“Hello?”

“Hi!” you sounded out of breath. “Hi, I’m so sorry. I’m such an idiot. I meant to text you back, but it didn’t send, and I know that sounds like a stupid excuse, but I swear it’s true—”

“Y/N—”

“If you’ve already left, that’s okay, God I feel so bad—”

“Y/N,” he said again. He sounded like he was smiling. “It’s okay,” he chuckled. “I haven’t been here that long.” He had. But you didn’t need to know that, because it was irrelevant. He would wait years for you.

“I’m on my way now, I swear to god,” you said, laughing a little. “Give me five minutes and I’ll be there.”

“Do you want your usual?” he asked.

Your heart skipped a beat. He knew your order. Your usual. “Yeah,” you said. “Please. Thank you.”

“No problem,” he replied, still smiling. “I’ll have it waiting for you.”

Relief. “You’re the best.”

By the time you made it to the coffee shop, Aaron did, in fact, have your coffee waiting for you. Along with your favorite pastry from their bakery. Today, it had a pink heart on it.

He stood to his feet when he saw you come in. You looked flustered, yes, but beautiful beyond measure. He didn’t know if he was going to be able to stop himself from fainting.

You felt the same way. Seeing him out of the suit never ceased to amaze you. He wore a nice black button down today with jeans. He still looked unbelievably handsome, his hair fluffier than usual, not as slicked down as he does it for work.

“What’s all this?” you asked, sheepish. A red rose laid across the table, your favorite pastry sat next to your coffee. It was all so…sweet. “Aaron, you didn’t have to…”

He shrugged. “I wanted it to be special.”

He sat down after you did, his stomach doing somersaults. He didn’t want to point you in the direction of his question so blatantly, but he was getting impatient. He just wanted to blurt it.

Before he could, though, you turned your cup toward you and saw the writing on the side. There, in Hotch’s unmistakable all-caps handwriting, was one question: Will you be my Valentine?

You gasped, then pouted, shocked by it all, but so, so happy. Deep down, you wanted this to happen, but you never let yourself believe that it really could or that it really was.

“Really?” you asked him, looking up from the writing.

He nodded slowly, a soft smile spreading across his lips. “I know you said you don’t like the holiday, but I thought you at least deserved to have a happy one. At least once.”

You didn’t know what to say. “That’s… That’s so sweet, Aaron, wow, okay. Yes.”

His eyebrows furrowed. “Yes what?”

You grinned. He’s so cute. “I’ll be your Valentine.”

“Oh!” he laughed. “Right. Sorry, I’m so nervous.”

“Me too,” you confessed. “I was on the phone with Garcia before I came-- She knows, by the way. She insisted this was a date, but I told her not to be delusional and-- Is this a date?”

“If you want it to be,” he said. “I’d like that.”

“I’d like that too,” you murmured. “A lot.”

“Would you like to…” his voice trailed away. “I am so bad at this.”

Instinctively, your hand reached across the table and rested on his. “No you’re doing great!”

He smiled, his cheeks flushing red at your touch. He turned his hand over and clasped his fingers around yours. “Would you like to do this again? I don’t want this to just be today. I’d like to…see where this goes.”

“Me too,” you breathed, so relieved you could almost cry. “I’d love that.”

“And,” he added, enveloping your hand in both of his. “Penelope was the first to know. She saw right through me.”

“When?” you laughed. It was hard to imagine Penelope Garcia cornering Aaron Hotchner on something like this.

“I think it was your first case,” he admitted, the blush seeming permanent on his cheeks now. “I guess how I spoke on the phone gave me away.”

“The first day?” Honestly, it gave you a bit of an ego boost.

He nodded. “The very first.”

“That’s…adorable.” There was nothing else to it.

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fluff #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner fanfic #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fanfic #hotch #hotch fluff #hotch x fem!reader #hotch x reader #Happy Valentine's Day #MWAH #love you guys #fluff

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lionlena · 4 months

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Together in happiness and depression… (no outbreak!JoelMillerxreader) one shot

Partially inspired by the Joel bot I created, partially by what I feel right now.

Summary: Joel is there for you as you go through another episode of depression.

Warnings: depression, disturbing thoughts, anxiety, low self-esteem, self-degradation, sadness, fears, hurt/comfort

Together in happiness and depression

Now I'm slowly sinking, caving, try to fight it

but I can't breathe

Chest is heavy, hands are numb,

I'm tired but I can't sleep

Choking on my own pride my tongue is tied and now

I find myself reaching out for help

I could really use your help right now

You were lying on the couch and staring blankly at the TV. It didn't really matter what you were watching. It doesn't matter if it was an action movie or a documentary about a desert spider. Everything looked the same to you anyway. Your mind was empty and full of thoughts at the same time. When you heard the sound of the door opening and heavy footsteps, your heart trembled. You suddenly realize how much time you had wasted just lying on the couch. Unless Joel came back early, but you knew that was unlikely. You wanted to get up and greet him with a happy smile and a warm dinner, but... You were a failure. At least that's how you felt.

Joel walked over to you and knelt down next to the couch. His large, warm hand rested on your shoulder. This wasn't the first episode of depression you two had gone through together, so he wasn't surprised by your condition.

"Hey, baby girl." He said it so gently and softly that it almost didn't sound like his own voice. "How do you feel?"

You just shrugged because you couldn't find the answer to this question. You just felt empty. Joel simply nodded, trying to understand you.

"Have you eaten anything today?"

His question made you realize that no, you hadn't eaten anything, but you weren't hungry either. But what stuck out to you was that he must have been hungry too, and you had failed him.

"I'm sorry…" You croaked, tears immediately forming in your eyes.

Joel couldn't bear your pain any longer. He pulled you into a sitting position, sitting next to you and pulling you into his strong chest. You buried your face in his shirt and cried.

"Shhh, shhh, I'm here. You hear me, I won't leave you."

You squeezed him tighter and began to blurt out everything.

"I'm sorry... I'm a failure... I can't do anything. Why do you care about me? I'm no good for anything..."

Joel sighed softly and hugged you even tighter. You didn't realize how much what you said hurt him.

"Don't say that. Don't. Don't you dare say that." There was desperation in his voice. "I don't know why you doubt yourself. To me, you are the most valuable person in the world. You don't have to be good at anything. Just let me take care of you when you feel like this."

You wanted his words to bring you comfort, but you couldn't stop all the destructive thoughts in your head and you started crying.

"I don't know... I just... feel so... Not feminine enough... All these tradwives on TikTok... They look so perfect, they take care of the house and the kids... and I... sometimes I have trouble washing the dishes... I feel I felt so numb and tired..."

Joel started stroking your hair and gently kissed your temple. Seeing you like this broke his heart. When he saw you so full of doubt and so vulnerable, he wanted to do everything for you. He wanted to show how much he loved you and that you had nothing to worry about because to him you were perfect.

"Y/n…" He placed his lips next to your ear. "Hey, they're not you. I don't want these TikTok tradwives. I want YOU. With all your imperfections and charms. I don't care if you wash the dishes late or don't do it at all. I don't care if my dinner is not ready. I love you too much to pay attention to it. Believe that you are enough for me just as you are."

You closed your eyes for a moment and kissed his neck. You wanted to show him at least a little affection for everything he did for you.

"I don't deserve you..."

"Shhh... Shhh…" Joel took your head in his hands and kissed your forehead. "Don't say that. I don't tolerate such nonsense. I'm telling you, I love you too much."

You took a deep breath and pushed your nose into his neck again. You didn't care that he came home from work dirty and sweaty, his masculine scent slowly calmed you down and soothed your nerves. Even though you knew your improvement was temporary, you wanted to enjoy it.

You sat together in silence for a few minutes. Joel stroked your hair and kissed your head. When he sensed that you were calmer, he gently pushed you away from him.

"Lay down, honey, and I'll quickly prepare dinner. After all, we both need to eat something."

You had neither the strength nor the desire to argue with him. You also didn't want to tell him that you still weren't really hungry. You knew Joel was desperate to take care of you and get you better. So you forced a small smile and nodded.

"Okay."

Joel stood up and kissed your head one more time before going to the kitchen. Fifteen minutes later, the delicious smell of fried chicken and mashed potatoes could be smelled from the kitchen. Joel hummed softly to himself as he worked quickly and efficiently. He finally emerged from the kitchen with two plates of food. He placed the plates on the coffee table and returned to the kitchen to get the wine. He opened the wine and returned to you. He sat down on the couch, and when you got up and sat next to him, he gave you a warm smile.

"I hope you're hungry. I made you some fried chicken and mashed potatoes. I also brought some wine. Let's watch something, drink some wine, and eat together..."

You looked nostalgically at everything he had prepared. You tried to suppress the guilt you felt and the malicious voices in your head. A small smile appeared on your lips. No matter how depressed you were, Joel's care and attention created a pleasant, fleeting warmth.

"Thank you, babe."

Joel felt proud that his actions had not been in vain. He kissed your cheek, poured two glasses of wine, and handed you one. He sat down close to you so that your shoulders were touching. He turned on the TV and selected a random action movie.

You didn't want to worry him and started eating dinner. After a few bites, the knot in your stomach began to loosen and you realized that you were hungry after all. Joel didn't say anything, but he was happy to see that you enjoyed the food and wine.

When you finished eating, he didn't even bother taking the plates to the sink. He didn't want to leave you. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you to him, looking at you with love. For the next half hour, you tried to focus on the warmth radiating from his body and the movie he had selected, but your disturbing thoughts always tended to attack you by surprise when you thought you had already achieved mental balance.

You looked at Joel and saw the tiredness on his face. Was he just tired from work or... Depressing thoughts flooded your mind again. Your eyes filled with tears and before you could stop them, they were already rolling down your cheek.

Joel was about to ask you if you needed anything, but he felt your mood suddenly change. He looked at you worriedly and grabbed your hand. He looked you straight in the eye and used that incredibly gentle voice again.

"What happened, sweetie? What changed your mood? You know you can tell me anything."

You shrugged and took a shaky breath.

"I don't know… Sometimes I can't explain it. It's so stupid and frustrating... You did all this for me... Dinner, wine, and I... I have these thoughts again... That I'm just not worthy of this all and one day you'll be tired with it... with my depression..."

Joel gently took your hands and kept his eyes on you. His brown eyes were filled with love and compassion

"You have to fight these thoughts, honey. These are false and stupid thoughts. I can promise you one thing. I will never get tired of you and your depression will never be too much for me. Understand me? I will be with you when you are happy, and I will be with you when depression comes and does not go away for months. I will do everything to help you and get you out of this hole."

You nodded and wiped your tears. You rested your head on his shoulder and sighed. You wanted to tell him so much how much you loved him and how grateful you were to him, but you couldn't find the words. So you just squeezed his hand, hoping he would understand.

Joel smiled as he felt you squeeze his hand and he kissed your head gently. He pulled you into his lap and wrapped his arms tightly around you. The feeling of your warm body so close to him and the feeling that you opened up to him and loved him was all he needed.

He kissed your head again and said softly.

"I love you. Please don't ever doubt it. Don't give in to bad thoughts.”

You calmed down a bit and replied:

"I love you too."

You rested your entire body on his chest and closed your eyes. His calm breathing was so comforting to you.

"Sleep, my love... Or cry... Or be silent. It doesn't matter, as long as you are close to me, I will be everything you need and you can be sure that your depression will not defeat me and one day I will put a wedding ring on your finger."

He began humming softly and rocking you in his arms, and you sank into this warm, safe bubble of love he was creating for you. And even though you still struggled with your depression, you were sure that as long as you had Joel, you would never fight alone.

Help, I could really use your help right now

Falling under and I don't know how

Help, I could really use your help right now

Fight or flight, I feel I don't know how

To stand on my own or which way to go

*Anna Clendening - Help

I love these days when nothing bad happens but I just feel depressed and all I want to do is cry and sleep. And I'm frustrated because I can't logically explain why I feel this way. Why does my mind suddenly decide to turn off all positive thoughts and feelings 🥺

I need Joel or Marcus... Or Oberyn... Javier...

Pernament tag list: @harriedandharassed

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller #the last of us #angst #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #tlou fanfiction #hurt/comfort #kinda depressing #depression

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marv3l-drag0ns · 10 months

Text

Technoblade cosplay planning (top secret) (my eyes only) (unless you wanna talk to me about it :eyes:)

Ok so im the biggest pignoblade supporter but thats gonna be technically hard and ill need to make a mask. Previous plans involve modifying a dinomask ala skulldog fursuit to make a boar skull and then have longer pink mane around it. merit!

However i already have tusks and i kinda wanna do a long hair wig for him so i might cave and do human techno. choices.

I want to give him a thigh chainmail (drawing to follow) because i think that sounds awesome. I also need to see if I can find calf high brown or black boots that actually fit my calf so. ill probably have to order them full price. sad. but i can make the chainmail! glad :D (new skill tree to pursue)

I'm probably also going to delve into making a cow-lion-boar combination tail (i have drawings with what i want, itll probably be thin felt a little stuffing around a wire core with a tuft of fur (maybe brushed yarn?) at the end to make it fluffy)

AND THEN THE BEST PART THE ONE IVE BEEN COLELCTING PARTS FOR!!!!!!!! I have this awesome red coat that i actually. cannot find who made it. but its so awesome and i want to use it for the techno cosplay, with either a rabbit fur ruff (white fur) or with the sheepskin scraps i got at the rummage sale a month ago. HOWEVER. new idea emerged recently.

I saw. a GORGEOUS. half cloak with a very full and fluffy pure white fur ruff (however i think it was fox fur which ive heard is a) more expensive and b) often fur farmed?) at the ren faire it was such a gorgeous deep wine color and the fur was so flufy AND!!!! it had cloak clasps that were golden chain and had blue crystals in the pin part and i immediately thought ''oh eyes of ender for sure!'' !!!!!!!!! and i also recently saw a tiktok from a shop advertising a longer red cloak that had a super cool pattern and way of securing it but thats also really expensive so i might have to learn how to make a combination of all three by myself (i love diy and im also not rich enough to get this).

Also the eye of ender amulet i painted would be really good, and i want to search for a dangly green jewel earing as well as some other ones either to put in the techno ears id have to make (this is seriously going to be the cosplay i learn to make fursuit gear lmao) or decide which ones to put in my ears (so also potentially clip on earrings since i only have the lobes).

was there anything else.... OH PROP MAKING i cant decide on what prop i want to make so we'll see what happens.

but yeah!!!!! im super excited and theres so many cool skills for me to learn and also a really fun cosplay ive been wanting to do for 2-3 years iirc. so we'll see!

#cosplay plans #dragon's discussions #technoblade #ive also been meaning to learn foam crafting skills so i might make foam armor bracers for it? but i also might get leather ones #because those are durable and i think theyre cool #alas. renfaire if i had money you would have been so helpful

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iwonderwh0 · 1 year

Note

Any more microtonal music recommendations? I'd rather get recs than hop blindly into the youtube unknown lol

YES, of course! I'm so glad you asked since now I have an excuse to share here more of my micro-obsession

Little disclaimer - at first most people find it absolutely unlistenable and some even find it deeply disturbing, but it's only because they are not used to it. It takes time

So it might be reasonable to start with

"King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard" - this is Australian indie rock band that often uses microtonal instruments for their music -- not all of it, but enough to be a good starting point to get used to some of it. I'd start with "Nonagon Infinity" - this album is FIRE, and the cool thing about it is that every song of this album flows flawlessly into the next one, and the last one flows almost flawlessly into the first one if you listen to them on loop. Other album I'd recommend is "Flying Microtonal Banana", and one specific song that I was absolutely obsessed with that I also want to link is Crumbling Castle This band is where microtonality is mixed within familiar type of music, so it feels comfortable and familiar and not intimidating

Okay, moving on to other microtonal examples on the beginner-friendly side

I remember really liking this one in 19EDO, here it's really gentle microtonality, just enough of it to be noticeable without overwhelming someone who'd listen to it for the first time. Also perfect example of how microtonal music can convey the kind of mood that would be impossible in 12EDO

Next, this one is really nice, and it's a pity there's not much more from this musician as I find it adorable.

Brendan Byrnes - Cave Dance I just realised I completely forgot that he exists, I only remember that this songs slaps, should probably dive into his discography myself

Now getting closer to my absolute faves - Xotla and Sevish. All of my following recommendations are just individual songs and albums of theirs. Xotla is probably more beginner-friendly, so I'll start with his songs

Xotla - Surprise me This was the song that made me obsessed with microtonality, here is where it started. I remember listening it on repeat just because 4:15 <-- MY GOD I can't even describe how amazing this place felt when I listened to it for the first ten times or so

Xotla - No Longer 2:50 ❤️

Xotla - Cosmic Microwave pure goosebumps the first listening

Xotla - Dance of the Forest Lights (Reimagined) - the new version of this song. I love both of them

Xotla - Robots Dream To Dance absolute bop

Xotla - Sipping Tea By The Sea already familiar to you, It's from "Seeds of Moonlight" album. If you liked this song maybe you should check out the rest of the album. My favourites from this album (other than that): Metallic Lilypads and Losing Connections. Although this album is not my favourite.

Okay, I realised maybe I should just recommend albums. All of them (except Planting Seeds of Microtones, it sounds too much like pop music and it's not the Xotla I love), my favourite is Science Fraction

Lastly in regards to Xotla I wanna note Funkrotonal (0:56 !!!)

Also Between Space (3:24 !)

Okay, now I'll link THE WHOLE SEVISH DISCOGRAPHY (no, but really)

But really, this is the most important place of this post

SEVISH

Sevish is the kind of microtonality that you probably shouldn't jump on when you're just getting used to microtones, because this is where most of my irls noped immediately. But if you're ready and your heart is open, his music is literally out of this world

Sevish - Outside (!!!!) - this is where my head exploded when I listened to it for the first time. The moment I realised that microtonal harmony is absolutely unearthly GEORGEOUS

Sevish - Better Left Unanswered - more of absolutely gorgeous microtonality

Sevish - Gleam - if you're using tiktok there's a possibility that you've actually heard this one, it was trending at some point. The moment from 0:50 specifically

Sevish - Horizons - I just want to leave here this comment that was written under this song on youtube:

Here I'll just link the whole Morphable album - I listened to it more times than I could count, but here are some songs from it that I like more than others:

Tritavium (absolute insane percussion at 1:17, I'm not normal about it at all)

Launch (1:29 is 🤌✨😩)

Smashing, actually damn I can just link every single song from this album, they're all uniquely amazing

Songs from other albums

Sevish - Freathy the end of this one is heaven-like (3:12) and I mean it, it's like church-choir

Sevish - Desert Island Rain - this was one of the first I listened by sevish and it scratched my brain in a way no other song ever did, also 4:34 here is a completely different vibe. This is also the song I tried to show to my irls that made them make such a face expression as if they're in physical pain. Well, definitely not the best one to familiarize anyone with microtonality, as this one is amazing if you're ready, otherwise it's miserable

Also check out "Formless Shadows" album if you love ambient

Damn

I LOVE microtonal music

I got so used to it that when I now listen to usual 12EDO it feels like something is missing

#microtonality #sevish #xotla #microtonal music

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saraastyles · 3 years

Text

"Uhm hi"

Summary | You and Peter have a crush on each other. When he comes over on a late night your relationship might progress into something more than friendship.

Pairing | Peter Parker x Stark!reader

Warnings | swearing, maybe a little bit of smut

WC | 2.4K

It was no secret that you had a fat ass crush on a certain spidey boy. It wasn't like you tried to hide it or anything, you just hadn't made that big of a deal out of it.

Peter being the oblivious bean that he is, obviously didn't notice your attempts at flirting with him. He just thought that your actions towards him, were purely that of friendship. He noticed you were always worried about him, but then again, you were worried about all your friends.

However, what you didn't know was that Peter also had a not so little crush on you.

Everyone could see it. From the way he hugs you like it's the last time he'll be able to touch you, to the way his gaze would linger on you just a tad longer than a 'normal' friend's would've.

In conclusion you are two very oblivious idiots who are very madly in love with each other.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Maybe I should do something productive for once.", you thought to yourself. It wasn't a bad idea, seeing as you had quite a bit of homework that you needed to catch up on. "I'll just finish this one episode of friends and then I'll get started.", you say that every single day and never, and I repeat never, have you actually done that. "No, fuck it, I need to get up right this second and do it!" you said to yourself as you sat up, determined to get some shit done. First you walked over to the fridge. "You can't do work on an empty stomach." You made some food and walked to your room. You've always liked the big windows and of course the amazing view your room held. New York really is beautiful. You sat down at your desk and got out your laptop to get started. You decided to start with physics, it's easy so why not get it done first? After finishing physics, you decided to catch up on your Spanish homework and after that just wrap up that essay for English, that you were actually quite proud of.

"Y/N DINNER'S READY!"

"OKAY, I'M COMING!"

You hurried back to the kitchen, excited to see what you had for dinner. You were really hoping on that amazing pasta Steve sometimes makes, with the expensive cheese that smells so horrible, but tastes so damn great. Your mouth watered just thinking about it.

As you walked into the kitchen you were met with a different sight though. Not one that you would've expected, but entertaining nonetheless. On the floor you saw taco shells, sliding down the cabinets were beans, you think, it kind of looks like shi-. You know what? Let's not get into that.

"I TOLD YOU THE SHELLS WERE HOT, BARNES. WHY DON'T YOU EVER LISTEN TO WHAT I SAY?"

"BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE YOU, THAT'S WHY, STARK. ALWAYS ORDERING ME TO DO STUFF. I'M NOT YOUR MAID, YOU ASSHAT."

"CALM DOWN MORTALS, I'VE GOT THIS."

"NO, THOR DON'T!", you said as he was about to cast a whole ass lightning bolt to somehow fix the broken taco shells. You didn't really see the logic behind that one, but then again, it's Thor, so there's never really much logic.

After stopping Thor, which took quite a few "THOR YOU CAN'T FIX BROKEN TACO SHELLS WITH LICHTNING". You all decided to just order some pizza and eat it on the couch.

You were watching the nature channel, for some godforsaken reason you did not know, but it was all okay. You chuckled at the way Steve, Bucky, and Thor were staring at the screen, mesmerised by all the animals they saw. After you all finished your pizza, you decided to go back to your room to finish the last of your homework.

It was around eleven, when you decided to stop working and just chill in your room for the rest of the night, scrolling on TikTok. Around twelve you had fallen asleep, your phone still in hand. After a while you woke up because you heard some rustling in your room.

"Hello??" "Who is there?"

"It's me, Peter." "Parker"

"Jesus Peter, you scared the life out of me. You could've texted me, or knocked, like a normal person, you know.", you say, in a hushed tone. You take a look at him, sweet lord he looked good. Wearing the spidey suit, his hair a bit ruffled because of the mask. He looked like the most cuddly thing ever

"I did text you y/n. You just didn't answer, so I decided to just come over anyways.", Peter spat back at you, quickly moving over to the bathroom to change into some comfier clothes.

"And why exactly are you here? If I may ask?", you ask as he walked out of the bathroom in some plaid pyjama pants and a t-shirt with some dorky science pun on it. He looked so comfy and relaxed and kind of hot but that's besides the point.

"I couldn't sleep, so I decided to just patrol for a few hours, but then I thought about you and decided to come over to watch a movie or something. I thought you would still be awake."

"Well, you were wrong.", you say, a blush creeping up on your cheeks at the thought of Peter rather spending time with you than patrolling.

"But it's okay because you're cute.", you say, smiling at him.

Whenever Peter gets a compliment, he gets all blushy, and you swear it's the cutest thing you've ever seen.

"Well, you're cute too.", he says, coming up to your bed and laying down next to you.

You take out your laptop to set up the movie.

"What movie do you want to watch?"

"Can we watch Harry Potter? Please?", Peter says, giving you puppy eyes. You can't help but cave, I mean, look at him. Doesn't he look like the sweetest person ever right now?

"Okay, but next time we're watching something else. We've watched Harry Potter eight times already!"

"Okay y/n, sure.", Peter says, knowing full well that you're going to watch Harry Potter the next time.

After a while you get sleepy and lay your head on Peter's shoulder. He lays his head on top of yours.

When Peter sees you're asleep he closes the laptop and slowly slips out of bed. The loss of warmth makes you wake up. Peter is always so nice and warm. He's like your personal heater.

"Where are you going? Aren't you going to stay here? You can't go back home now! It's way too late to be out on the street!", you ramble on, worry evident in your voice.

"Relax y/n, I was just putting your laptop away, so we wouldn't crush it."

"Oh, okay."

"So, you are staying over then?"

"Yes. If you don't mind of course. I mean, I can go home, it's no big deal, it'll take me like ten minutes. I should just go home, you know what I'm going home.", Peter rambles.

"Peter. You're staying over. It'll be fun! Besides, I don't want you to go out into the city at this hour."

"Y/n. I'm Spider-Man. I think I can handle myself."

"Yeah okay, maybe that's true, but I would also just like it if you stayed over. We can do some fun stuff. OH! WE SHOULD DO FACE MASKS! PETER, LAY DOWN I'M GOING TO GET THEM!", you practically yelled at him.

Peter laughed at the way you went from sleepy to wide awake in a matter of seconds.

Storming out of the bathroom with a dozen face masks in your hands, you pushed Peter down on the bed, forcing him to lay still. You sat down on top of him to apply the face mask.

He looked at you with admiration in his eyes, as he saw the way you were so concentrated on applying the face mask neatly. Biting your lip, something you always did when you were concentrated, you looked adorable, he thought.

After applying the face mask, the close proximity of your faces became evident, your noses only a few inches apart. You looked him in the eyes. Those beautiful honey brown eyes, that you've grown to love so much. His eyes meeting yours. It was like time stood still for a second. You were in your own little world. Just you and Peter, forever.

After what seemed like forever, he swiftly looked down at your lips. You took the hint and slowly leaned in. Your lips now almost touching. He looked at your lips again and that was all you needed. You slowly pushed your lips on his, completely forgetting he was still wearing that face mask. You didn't care. All you wanted in that moment was to just kiss him. Kiss Peter. Kiss your bestfriend.

KISS YOUR BESTFRIEND.

HOLY SHIT, YOU WERE KISSING YOUR BESTFRIEND, WHO YOU'VE HAD THE BIGGEST CRUSH ON FOR MONTHS! IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING!

After a while you moved away. Peter's face mask now also your face mask.

You looked down at him. God, he looked cute, grinning like an idiot.

"So..."

"I really like you.", you both said at the exact same time.

Slowly it sunk in, relief washing over the both of you, knowing that your feelings are mutual.

"Well, I'd love to keep this up, but we have to wash of the face mask, or your face is going to be stained blue for the next couple of days."

"Oh okay, yeah let's not do that."

You both got up and skidded to the bathroom, eager to get the face mask off of Peter, to continue your previous activity.

Once it was all off, you walked back to your bed. Sitting next to each other, you glance at Peter. There are still a few blue speckles on his cheeks. You wipe them off, Peter leaning into your touch. Your hand stayed on his face. Slowly the both of you lean in and before you know it, you're making out again.

You slowly move to sit down on Peter's lap and straddle him. Your hand stuck in his hair, softly tugging at the loose curls at the nape of his neck.

Peter's hands are planted firmly on your waist. Squeezing a bit and slowly rubbing up and down. After a while his hands move to your thighs, slowly massaging them a bit.

You decide to grind your hips lightly on his. This results in a low grunt from Peter. Immediately loving the sound, you decide to do it again.

Peter's hands slowly move from your thighs to your butt. He gives it a light squeeze, which makes you jump up in surprise.

You can feel him smiling against your lips. "That sneaky bastard did that on purpose!", you thought.

Well, two can play this game.

You decide to, slowly but surely, grind down on him harder. Peter grunts against your mouth, which makes your smile.

You want to take this further.

You're tugging at the hem of Peter's shirt, hoping he'll get the hint and take it off.

Peter pulls back and in one swift motion takes of his shirt.

"What the fuck! You never told me you were like, I don't know, totally ripped!", you say to him, admiring his abs.

A compliment.

Peter doesn't know how to react so he just kisses you again.

After a while you decide to take of your shirt too. You pull away from Peter, a seductive look in your eyes. Slowly you take of your shirt, not breaking eye contact with him. Seeing as you were just chilling alone in your room before he came over, you didn't bother to wear a bra. Why would you? No one would come over at this time, right.

As you were about to pull your shirt over your head, still looking into Peter's eyes, loving how eager he looked to see your chest,

The door opened. The fucking door fucking opened, what the fuck.

"Hey y/n, do you know what a- what. the. fuck", Bucky walked into your room, abruptly stopping when he sees you hurrying to put your shirt back on, straddling a half naked Peter, with his hands on your butt.

"Uhm hi", you both say, looking at Bucky, who had the most shit eating grin on his face.

You and Peter looked at each other, both completely panicking.

"Hi. Having fun?", Bucky breaks the silence, obviously knowing what was about to take place.

"Yeah, no, uhm, I was just showing Peter where I would - if I ever decide to - get a tattoo. That was what we were doing.", you say, mentally slapping for yourself for that horrible excuse.

Peter tried to say something, but he was completely frozen. Internally completely shutting down.

"Yeah, no, I absolutely believe that. That's completely believable.", Bucky says, with small smile on his face.

"Please Bucky, please don't tell dad. He'll kill me if he finds out. Please.", you say, practically begging him to not tell your dad.

You know how he gets whenever a boy is mentioned. His, as you like to call it, 'protect my baby girl' protocol activates and he gets way too overprotective.

"Okay, I won't tell him. But! You have to promise me you'll do my dishes for a week.", he says.

"I promise, I promise. Thanks Buck."

"Yeah yeah, okay. I'm going now, byee!", Bucky says, turning around and walking out the door. "Use protection!"

"Bucky. Shut. Up."

"Okay, I'll go now."

When Bucky's gone, you finally look at Peter. He still looks shocked, but after a while he says: "Oh my god. We kissed. Wow"

"Yeah, we did.", you say.

"Do you maybe want to go on a date or something? I mean if you want of course. I just thought that ma-"

Before he can say anything more, you cut him off by kissing him. He freezes, but after a while he kisses you back.

You slowly pull away.

"I'd love to go on a date with you, Peter.", you say smiling at him. He smiles back at you before slowly leaning in and kissing you again.

"Okay, it's really late and we should probably go to bed.", you say, as you're pulling Peter down to lay next to you.

You lay your head on his chest and cuddle into him. He cuddles you back and after a while you fall asleep. A permanent smile plastered on both of your faces.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bonus!

The next morning you and Peter walked into the kitchen, immediately getting stares from everyone.

"So, did you and Peter have fun last night?", Sam asks.

You see the look on his face and you just know he knows.

"Where. Is. Bucky?", you say, sounding calm, but exploding inside.

"Oh, he's dead.", Nat says, with a dumb smile on her face.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope you all like it! This is the first thing I've ever really written, so I apologise if it's not that good, but I'm sure I'll get better over time!

I hope you enjoy this! Let me know what you think!

xx Sara

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter x reader #peter x y/n #peter parker angst #bucky barnes #natasha romanoff #tony stark #steve rogers #sam wilson #avengers #fanfiction #fluff #peter parker fluff

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honey-coloured-passion · 4 years

Text

Surprise! (Sapnap x Reader)

Request: “Sapnap X Reader where he surprises the reader while she’s streaming”

Words: 1.5k

“Hello chat how are your days going? Good, bad? Finals!? Oh my gosh I hate finals dude I’m so sorry f to pay respects,” you paused to stretch and adjust your headset as you had just started your stream. “I’m kinda just bored today chat so what should we do? Mods can you all run a poll or something?” You glanced at your discord and saw messages from Sap.

“Hey angel!”

“Oh you’re streaming!”

“You look cute on stream”

You rolled your eyes but chat caught you blushing and saw that Sapnap was viewing the stream, and immediately lost it. They’d been shipping the two of you for months, but little did they know you guys had been dating for three months, since you met up in person for the first time. It hadn’t felt like the right time to announce to the world and you’d wanted to establish your relationship privately before telling the fans, but that didn’t mean you’d had a couple slip ups leading the fans to theorize.

This included you calling Sapnap various forms of babe, bubs, Nick, love etc. Same went for Sap who gets teased for endlessly rushing to your defense on the SMP and responding casually when you call him a pet name, almost like he does it all the time... yeah, chat was on to the two of you.

“Shut up guys and tell me what we’re doing today! We could go grind netherite tools and chill? How does that sound?” the SMP always got a resounding yes, and just like that you were off, the SMP had won the poll anyways.

You messaged Sap in discord, “wanna call for the stream?” and quickly he was on the call with you.

“Hello Mr. Sapitus Napitus, how’s your day going on this fine Friday?” you laughed as you ran through the nether, having just collected enough wool and planks to make beds. “It’s going, I was bored as heck so I wound up here, what about you?” You knew the longer end to that story, his family was out and he thought editing would take longer but now he was stuck at home. “Same same, I’m chillin and got bored after scrolling on Tiktok for like two hours so now I’m here!” You moved on, blowing up the nether hunting for netherite scrap while talking with chat.

A familiar notification went off, “water check from, um ,GogySupremacy420,000, oh my god what a username. Alright everyone drink some water! This is good I haven’t drank water since like breakfast.” you heard Sap pipe up, “you’ve eaten since breakfast right?” you rolled your eyes, “nope I’ll eat after stream don’t worry Simpnap” tacking on the nickname earned a scoff from the simp himself. “Not a simp,” he answered, giving you a punch in the game making you hit him back. After a mini fight ending in you threatening to place a bed and effectively kill the both of you, you were back to mining.

“Hey I’ve gotta go drive and grab something want me to stay on call though?” your head whipped to discord to look for another message, knowing Sap didn’t have anywhere to be tonight. But there was nothing. “Oh I don’t mind, chat and I enjoy your company!” you said with a grin. You’d made it to enchanting now, having found all the netherite you needed.

As you sat on the spider spawner you heard Sap get in the car, the familiar beep of him unlocking his car and the revving of the engine making you laugh, “you’re car is literally so old I’m surprised it starts,” you heard Sapnap scoff, “old?! don’t you dare speak to her like that, she’s beautiful,” you rolled your eyes, Callahan who must’ve been on your stream quickly piped up in the game chat “Y/n is jealousss!” now it was your turn to be offended, “you think I’d be jealous of a bucket of rusty bolts and oil? No chance,” you laughed, checking chat as they were spamming JealousChamp. “Whatever you say ba- Y/n,” Sapnap played it off with a cough and you quickly changed the subject to how much XP you would need for all your tools.

“Hey I’ve gotta go on deafen real quick be back soon!” Sap’s voice flooded your mic, he must’ve brough the mic close to his mouth because his smooth and deep voice curled around the mic perfectly, sending shivers down your spine as his warm tone filled your headphones. “B-bye” you choked out, pretending to adjust your headset as you continued killing mobs. “So chat, got any questions to pass this alone time?” you watched the chat speed up, hoping your mods would filter out poor questions. “Favorite. color? Easy who knows? Yup! You guys know me too well. Ooh favorite fast food place? This is hard cuz I don’t wanna say something you all don’t know but I can tell you guys my McDonalds order because it’s immaculate. Do I know Sapnap’s order? This is a good test you guys, I’m pretty sure it’s like an ungodly amount of spicy McChickens and a Dr. Pepper but I swear he changes it like every day.” you laughed, reading out other people’s orders then moved to debating if the icecream machine is actually broken or if the workers are just lazy. They’re lazy, confirmed by workers in chat apparently.

“I’m back but I have to go in like five minutes, did you miss me?” Sap’s voice flooded your headphones again. As you adjusted his volume you teased, “hmm nope!” to which he began pouting making you laugh at his “baby rage”. Just as you were finishing with enchants on your axe he had to go. “Don’t miss me too much I’ll talk to you later, chat behave yourself I know you all will miss me but just leave y/n open in a muted tab,” he teased making you roll your eyes, “whatever we’re gonna have a super secret conversation after you’re gone about how we only let you on the stream out of pity right chat?” you couldn’t stop smiling and laughing through the teasing. “Okay okay, I actually gotta go, see you soon,” you bid Sapnap farewell and returned to joking with chat, turning on media share to pass some time as you reacted to animatics, hilarious compilations, and the occasional y/n x sapnap video making chat light up as you laughed through the videos.

As you watched the videos and killed cave spiders you got a text from Sapnap.

You still streaming?

Yup! Where’d you end up going? you replied.

Open your door and find out

Your breath hitched. “One- one minute chat,” you pulled your headset off and heard a small rustling in your hallway. As soon as you tabbed out of the game you stood up, rushing off camera to fling your door open and,

There he was. His smile was infectious and you couldn’t help yourself from screaming and running into his open arms. As he held you, rocking back and forth, you heard him mumbled. “I missed you” Into your ear while you clung to him. “I missed you more,” you whispered back, Finally, you released him enough to peck his lips, unable to wipe the grin from your face. “I got food cuz you said you didn’t eat and I figured if I had time I wanted to spend it with you!” your heart practically melted, taking a bag of food in one hand and holding Sapnap’s hand with your other you realized you forgot to mute or end stream.

“Um, so I’m still streaming... what do we do?” you glanced up nervously but Sapnap just started laughing, “oh my god I guess I can say hi so chat doesn’t lose it’s mind,” you swallowed nervously, glancing down at your phone you had been tagged in endless clips of you running off camera then screaming about 15 seconds later. “Yeah better give them an answer,” you giggled.

Rushing back to your setup you saw chat blowing up as you put your headset back on. “Heyyy guys! So yeah, um I guess I can just show you that, we have a special guest!” You gestured to Sapnap to come into frame, pulling up a chair as he sat down next to you. “Yeah I gave y/n a visit cuz I was bored. Hi chat, hello, hello! You guys are going really fast dang,” Sapnap gripped your hand under the table, you squeezed back, leaning into his embrace. “So um, I think Sap and I are gonna hangout, right?” you glanced at him and he nodded, he really hadn’t stopped smiling since he got to your place. “Yup! Maybe if there’s time we’ll go live again I’m not sure! Kinda spur of the moment yeah?” you finished your thought. Saying goodbye to chat you ended stream just a few minutes later.

“We’ve really gotta tell people soon, I wanna be able to hold your hand on camera not just off,” Sapnap said between bites of food. “Yeah, I think it’ll be okay right?” You had always been nervous about stans hating you or people trying to get in between your relationship. “As long as I’ve got you I’m more than fine, I’m- I don’t know I guess I’m pogchamp,” you shook your head, “god you are such a dork,” Sapnap scrunched his nose with a laugh, “I’m your dork though so I’m so special!” and you couldn’t agree more. <3

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