#i just don’t know what is a healthy level of wanting to be sensitive vs sanding off the edges of any risky ideas you have

[alewyren]

question: how do you guys personally balance “writing experiences that aren’t your own sensitively” versus “writing to appease the critic who will take everything in bad faith”?

This is something I’ve struggled quite a bit with as someone who likes bold/risky narratives but also spent her formative teenage years on tumblr. And also as someone who does want to be progressive and sensitive, but has seen firsthand “listen to people of X group unconditionally when they tell you something isn’t okay” used as essentially an excuse to trash bathrooms, if not an outright emotional manipulation tool.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Old Fandoms

One of my longer-time friends happened to remember an old fandom I was a part of at one point, and tagged me into a post about merch from that fandom on Facebook. Ironically, he’s one of the few people I check Facebook for, so ... y’know, it’s nice that he remembers my interests from that far back. (I think he post-dates my involvement in that fandom, actually - I seem to recall him being a friend from my forum-and-chat Mage: The Ascension days. So seriously, that’s archaeological level knowledge of my fandoms.)

Thing is ... my reaction to that fandom these days is ... kind of not great. I don’t like to think about it. I mean, I really don’t. I kept some of the friends I met along the way, and am grateful beyond measure for them (particularly a certain bestie who I met out of a Six Degrees of Fandom Friend situation and a breakdown-related road trip of epic proportions). I got practice at storytelling, which gave me confidence (and honestly helped me figure out that while I can write, I am a much better storyteller than I am a writer, and I excel at the “Yes, okay, and then what?” game - hence being perfectly happy to Forever DM). But so much else happened in that fandom that, looking back ... I didn’t hate it, and the piece of media itself was what I needed at the time, but there is no going back to that.

I mean, it doesn’t help that it gives me active flashbacks to the ... I can’t even say ‘despair’, exactly, but absolute desperation for everything to just ... stop. I mean, I was depressed, sure, but at the end of the day, what manifested was me alternating between wanting everything to just shut up, go away, and stop hurting me already ... and finding something, anything to hang onto long enough for that “I want it all to stop” feeling to settle back to a level that wasn’t going to involve self-harm or worse. I made some very poor decisions. I misconstrued an awful lot. There was a great deal going on in my head about who I was supposed to be versus who I actually was (and that latter ... well, I didn’t have the vocabulary for half of it) and nothing was helping me figure any of it out so I vacillated between “Maybe this’ll help” and “Fuck this - stop the world, I want to get off”.

I have clarity on a lot of it now - I mean, it’s been two decades - and honestly, even the good times contained a lot of individuals and situations that were not healthy in any way, shape, or form. Cliques formed and I didn’t necessarily want there to be but once you were considered by a certain section of the fandom to be a Big Name Fan for some reason, trying to get out of it was impossible. I didn’t want that; I just wanted people to enjoy what I was writing. And a lot of people did! Unfortunately, a vocal minority of that “lot of people” felt within their rights to nag me about when the next chapter / episode / whatever of what I was writing was going to come out and I felt beholden to those people. Then there were the ones who just hated the entire concept of my writing and put me on blast repeatedly. So on one hand I’ve got people pressuring me about getting things out NOW NOW NOW on top of the stupid BNF label, and on the other I’ve got rejection sensitivity dysphoria working overtime because of bullying ... and I burned out. I mean, none of that is healthy for anybody, but when you’re already neurodivergent in ways you don’t entirely understand, it’s a mess.

I developed some unhealthy friendships. I can’t blame some of them, or even most of them. At that time, they were mostly in the category of, “I want to help you get better but I don’t even know how to help myself get better so...” Which, again, not anybody’s fault. But that kind of thing kicks off my instinct, borne of a lot of what I have to concede is emotional abuse, to set aside my emotional needs in favour of the needs of others. I am in a place now where I can set boundaries in that regard, which is good because it saves my spoons for cases where I can actually help instead of doing all the emotional labour. I differentiate between friends who are trying and maybe failing to get better, and need a bit of support, and those who simply won’t put in the emotional effort and expect people to deal with them on their emotionally unhealthy terms. At the time, though, both were more of a drain than I realised at the time, so it’s probably no wonder that I felt like everything was falling apart, when so many of my friends were.

Long story short - I am not that angry, confused, miserable person who needed that piece of entertainment media anymore. Now I see it as something that I actively don’t need, just because of some of the mental and emotional states it exemplifies. Don’t get me wrong - I’m still angry, confused, and miserable a lot of the time. However, I am angry, confused, and miserable about actual things now, not about how “no one gets me”. I don’t have to hide behind a cynical attitude and a book. I can and will be my own advocate. I will not exemplify what is effectively apathy, or at best grudging, minimal-effort rebellion. Hell, I didn’t even exemplify that in my fan works at the time. Now? Thank you, but no thank you. I would prefer not to have merchandise that reminds me of a time when I glorified showing as little emotion and genuine engagement in the world as possible, and was fighting a war with my own damn death wish most of the time, and clinging to really unhealthy shit as the only weapons I had available to fight off the “Fuck this; I’m done” urge. I have way, way healthier ways of beating that shit off now, even on the worst of days. More fun, too.

Sometimes we outgrow things. I’m really proud to have outgrown that. And am also very happy that it’s been a few years since the last “Are you ever finishing that series?” email. I mean, it was still long after I left the fandom for good, but I’m grateful to have finally managed obscurity and for my old username to be relegated to the “Whatever Happened To...?” wall.

[lilmajorshawty]

The Signs Vs The Houses Sun Edition 🎇

Sun In Aries Vs Sun In First House: 

(Pantheon God Ares Vs Lucifer Morning Star.)

Sun in Aries: Pantheon God Ares

Song: _By. Alexander - Trumpets Ft 070Shake

These Natives don’t readily showcase their independent traits outright but their intensity is actively expressed in different ways from one another almost like reverse parts of a long mirror. Sun in Aries natives are actively nonchalant, impartial and seemingly low energy to those who don’t know their outward appearance is merely a facade. Aries suns aren’t readily expresses of their more generic traits, their impulsive nature is often hidden underneath their calm demeanor. unlike sun in the 1st housers Aries suns are good at playing into a more watered down version of themselves if it serves to aid the type of reaction they will get from the audience of their choice. They much like Pisces can be deceptively charming, disarming and tremendously jovial but underneath this lay a impulsive, reactive and swift minded individual. Aries suns are more observant than they are open warfare types, meaning that their darker side is something revealed in quiet privacy. They are in actuality very polite and keep much of their outward passions in check as to not alert others of their intentions before the Aries sun native has already assessed the consequences their potential action might bring. They are tactitions  in nature much like the war god ares, much of their actions are weighed and planned. much is done in secrecy or in the safety net of a desired outcome for them. They naturally seem disinterested or bored by their surroundings but can also have a testy, or rather flighty energy around being in spaces for longer than they intended. Their frigidity nature is a reflection of mars needing to be in control but the rather prideful way of the sun itself not liking to seem overly brash in order to seem regal. in this sense the sun and mars are in conflict for sun in Aries so they in turn prefer to keep their shadow face a bit more slow burn than people can perceive it to be. Aries suns are sweet and ardent but they can sometimes struggle with telling the truth, unlike their moon counterpart. Aries sun in a more masculine spirit Tends to be the most immature with their desires, mainly being self invested. Aries sun in feminine spirit tends to be most immature with their sexuality, readily wanting to claim the sexual limelight due to their appetite for admiration. on two sides of the coin underdeveloped Aries suns within masculine energy can struggle to see the world beyond “their” needs and “their” wants, the feminine can struggle to separate their over identification with physical gratification making them seem jealous and gluttonous for attention to those looking from the outside in.They are passionate but narcissistic. They care about those closest to them but they also battle between love for others and love for the self. Aries suns are in a never ending battle with the concept of I and how the I relates to Others. Aries sun signs definitely live by the “apart of my tribe” mentality and usually have a hard time dealing with outsiders. That being said they are a thousand times more tame then most give them credit for and only those who have been around the natives for long can ever really see their darker nature that they prefer to keep under raps. Aries suns are very loving nonetheless and dare i say the most emotionally affectionate of the fire suns. They genuinely do try for those they carefor and they honestly live by a strong code of right or wrong. despite what they might want they always recognize whether or not the action they plan on committing is morally correct or morally incorrect.

Sun in the First house: Lucifer Morningstar

Song: _By.Alexander - Stalling 

Sun in the 1st Housers are quite different in terms of their immediate personality traits, because unlike Aries suns they are not under the space of just mars depending on what their sun sign is already in. rather they are swimming in the pool of mars while wearing their sun sign. Sun in the 1st house natives can be Intense, cynical, Dark and brooding. They have this perceptiveness about the world around them that can seem unnerving. People are in their eyes to comfortable with stillness and it bothers them, as they are mentally just as much as physically always moving, 100 steps ahead of everyone. To many this may seem like a blessing but it’s a curse for these natives as it creates a constant inner and outer need for chaos in some way. They want to maintain a certain level of opposition and transformation in themselves and in the environments they find themselves in. For them things could always be rearranged and redone and the more stagnant the view things the more unhappy they become as they see peace as a reflection of “lack” in themselves. in those with a masculine spirit sun in the 1st house can make them impatient, aggressive, aloof and cold in its worst but brave, perceptive, kind and generous in its healthy state. In those with feminine spirit it can make them cutthroat, rigid, blinded by the self and confrontational in its worst but vibrant, childlike, bold, and sharp of mind in its healthier state. Unlike sun in Aries these natives aren't impressed or worried about how they interact with others.  These natives can seem dismissive or uninterested in people mainly because they are only impressed by people with “strength” in the manner of which they perceive strength to look like. much like Lucifer these natives live in the dark and admire those who have suffered or experienced the trenches of life only to rise from its ashes without a single complaint. to them people who can fight without seeking coddling or attention for those struggles are attractive and relatable. people who are attention seekers, overly emotional or dependent are typically what these natives avoid or tend to be the coldest towards. The reason being is that these natives underneath their cold and rather independent face are deeply sensitive and receptive to the feelings of others, but when they were young this receptiveness was often taken advantage of by the world around them. people ate these natives up and forced them to build their own personal hell to build themselves in, because in their eyes the only hell scarier then the one someone makes for you is the one you make for yourself. These natives are ambitious but also deeply full of life and vigor but to those who don’t know them deeper you may never know that beneath this light lay very serious and steady individuals willing to do whatever it takes to survive. these natives are constantly interchanging between Life and Death.

Sun In Taurus Vs Sun In The Second House:

(Artemis vs Higher Angel Metatron.)

Sun in Taurus: Artemis

Song: Ama Lou - Wires 

sun in Taurus natives often represented by the bull are deserving of their steady and rather slow moving personality traits..Though in conjunction one might add in their mental gymnastics that put even the mighty Aquarius, Gemini, Libra Air trinity to shame. These natives are tremendously intellectual, they see and feel everything out just as much as they add a thick layer of rationality and logic to it. To them anything and everything can go wrong and most likely is so they tend to present themselves in a more compartmentalized way as to prevent this. on one hand they are solid and sensual in their approach to life, on the other they are distrusting and closed to outsiders. they value a certain level of work ethic in others and that is typically what softens their heart as opposed to be overly nice or suckups. they tend to be intense and insatiable but these traits are hidden underneath their polite and soft toned Venus haze. For Taurus, Venus serves merely as a cloudy ethereal presence rather than a solid body like it does for Libras which is genuinely why the two are so similar yet so deeply different. Taurus suns value a calm serenity but they value an authentic air to cultivate such serenity whereas Libras value the serenity that is without to much heaviness or demand. Taurus suns are naturally stable and patient folk, not much moves them out of character and once it does all of the magma and debris flies into the sky like radiating solar flares. These natives are insanely aware of themselves and the actions and motives of said actions of others. to them intimacy through the physical realm is the only real way to see someone and in a sense for them touch is their language. these natives are lovers of sex but contrary to belief Taurus suns just like Scorpio sun see sex a soul transaction rather than just “sex.” to them being able to meet every individual layer of a person beyond what they present is true understanding. Scorpios suns look to sex as a emotional collaboration of wounds and vulnerabilities whilst Taurus suns on the yang side of that spectrum look at sex as a Physical collaboration of involved and aware relinquishing of the self in its physical form to another. For Taurus suns they find themselves trapped between the concept of “what do they mean to me vs what do i mean to them.” this mentality often creates a emotional nature that causes them pain in life as they never really know when to let go of people, they hold onto people out of a fear of losing something important to them on a mentally materialistic plane. The men tend to handle the Taurus sun the worst as it often brings out a vain and rather expansive nature that is centered around using their possessions as lay way for their self worth. to them in their worse state their material possessions and their bodies become nothing more than tokens to scale their level of self worth which they ultimately base in the opinions of complete strangers. Taurus women/feminine energy folk tend to handle the energy well, mainly embracing their sensuality and sexuality although sometimes falling prey to their bullheaded and rather single minded advances towards life at times. in their best they can be captivating, preserving, and deeply empathetic of the woes and demons of others taking them on fearlessly. Taurus suns greatest foe as well as their biggest give away is their single-minded nature, once something catches their eye it becomes a mission, a life purpose and at times an obsession.

Sun In the Second House: Higher Angel Metatron 

song: Ama Lou- This Town

For second house sun natives their similarities can often times shadow them after Taurus mainly due to the very calm and rather steady disposition they naturally posses. That being said much like the angel metatron as mentioned in text they have a far more raw energy that ensnares people to them like a spider web. They often times maintain a cool distance emotionally from those around them as to never reveal their inner thoughts but this at times gives them a much darker shade then Taurus suns as they are not as nearly well meaning in their observations of others. these natives are insanely perceptive but they tend to use this perceptiveness to read the crowd so to speak. many of us may struggle to adapt to every personality in the room or shift personas as a means of getting from point A to B in an unwanted interaction where as Second house sun natives can shift personas as will due to their gift for micro analysis. They can read a room, the people and the energy of each individual from mere glances and that makes them incredibly charming but also a tad unreadable as much of what they are showing is far away from what they truly feel. These natives are powerful in the sense that they have a vision that Taurus suns are themselves afraid to truly use. You see second house suns are often in control of their environment because they alter themselves in the necessary form needed to gain the upper hand.Many of them do well in performance art like acting because it allows them to convey their inner world without letting on its source. They often times shy away from commitments as they require the natives to be the real self vs the self they cultivate. Unlike Taurus suns who operate authentically these natives operate in a way that fits the authentic need of the people without having to give up any of their real ego. These natives also aren’t as caught up in the materialistic side of life rather they are obsessed with their self esteem and how that self esteem is equated in the real world around them. For them their biggest fear is being misused or taken advantage of and very often so life puts them in a situation where this happens to teach them a level of boundaries between themselves and that of the people who surround them. They tend to be highly passive when it comes to loss in their life. they factor the loss of people whether by death or by them leaving one another’s life as just another one of the misfortunes of the world, in their eyes it can’t be avoided and is an eventuality but even so they must continue to move forward with or without others. This trait alone separates them from their Taurus sun counterparts. They value people who are gentle and preserving but these people albeit their perfect match tend to scare sun in the second house natives the most as the idea of someone who will love them fully disgust them in a way, mainly because deep down these natives don’t truly identify with their need to be accepted and loved because it is devoured by their need to move forward at all cost. these natives teeter between the collective vs the self and often find themselves inevitably choosing the self yet resenting the loneliness that follows suite

Sun In Gemini Vs Sun In The Third House:

(The Devil Vs Satan)

Sun In Gemini: The Devil

Song: Kendrick Lamar - U

These Natives often receive much bad mouthing and malice as their traits are normally misunderstood or mis-identified as Gemini itself being a mutable sign makes it a sign that mirrors energy that is given to it onto the person sending the energy. Gemini Suns on their own are outwardly controlled and restless but internally they are a landscape of thoughts, that multiply and divide like the cells in the human body. They are like compact computers in this sense because their mental scape at times is carrying Gigabytes upon gigabytes of thought process.They are living in a busy head-space often so much of their day to day involves them tussling with their voices and which side to listen to, which one to ignore, which to dive into and so on. This is often why these natives Live for interaction and communication, the less mental release the darker the head-space and the darker the head-space the more dangerous the Gemini. The lack of stimulation can present itself as addictions, self destructive behavior and outright hatred that seems to have no source. these natives more than most feed of human contact, it provides them a way to see beyond their mind and peer into another’s for a moment of relief. Gemini suns are very tender and affectionate, often loving physical sensations as they bring new understandings and mental curiosity to the native. they often adore sex but not for the act itself but for the many sides of sex, the control, the lack of it, the passion and the lack of it, the intimacy and the lack of it, the desire and also the lack of it, to these natives they all swirl around like aspects of a cocktail. lying and creating chaos is an aspect of their two headed serpent like nature but often times the shadow self of the Gemini is the most damaged version of themselves hidden away to maintain a level of sanity for the Gemini twin in charge. Gemini sun tend to have this dualistic side to them that can sometimes present itself as real bipolar disorder but this is not something that can be applied to realism as all astrology really is, is a map for better self understanding. These natives at times fluctuate between moments of peace and moments of chaos depending on which twin makes it’s appearance.  Much like the Devil these natives can carry a sharp and mischievous tone but they can also have an angelic and rather childish youth to them that is so promising and inviting like white wine underneath dying autumn leaves as summer turns to fall. They represent a deep darkness in humanity whilst also representing the angel the devil was before he fell out of grace. Gemini suns are radiating with knowledge and tid bits that could unsettle the world but they never read the whole story, the whole scripture, they hang on to the small details and create a world around it. Gemini suns tend to struggle in their early years due to the push and pull dynamic of the angel and demon complex and at times a state of passivity is reached where they could care less either way how and what is effected by their actions. These natives despite their struggles are enterprising and gifted with an intellect beyond comprehension. They masculine and feminine energy tend to struggle with this placement as it naturally represents both in both energies. much like the devil they have a rather gender less energy when it comes to the world around them which is often why many Gemini suns are bisexual or pansexual as their desires are often times less about the physical and more about the mental. they can seem to be a chameleon  due to how easily they can shift in and out of personalities but ultimately they aren’t so much so becoming someone else, they’re becoming the other twin. The secondary Gemini face is unlike the devil it is angelic and curious, innocent and loving but it’s pitfall is wrath and spite. As im sure these are traits you would apply to the devil no? well in this case the angelic Gemini twin wears them as a means of not handling their wounds properly. Gemini suns unlike most people put their hurt away by passing it on to the other twin who soaks it like a sponge, as a result over the years whenever the twin rears it’s head and is mistreated as a defense mechanism it reacts in these darker toned ways that can at times be devoid of humanity due to that twin being so lacking in interaction with people. Gemini suns often struggle with the inner and outer mind. for them they desperately search for a mental release of some form and often times it takes precedence over all things no matter how grounded the Gemini Sun. a never ending therapy session full of broadness and intellectual depth is their dream as in their most vulnerable state they desperately want to be seen, not just as one face but both faces.

Sun In the Third House: Satan

Song: Kendrick Lamar- Untitled 07(Levitate) 

These natives can only be described as isolated princesses & Prince solemnly watching the world circle around their creations and crafts like moths to a flame. They are so vastly different from their counterparts in the sense that for them the world is more like a game then it is a cage. They are savvy, quick of wit and naturally street smart. Many of them prance through the world as if they’ve lived in the projects, the ghetto, or the slums as it is what allows them to use the more scarce methods, having very little and even in some cases building from ash and managing to create whole empires in the place of it.  To them the concept of “lack” fuels their desire to expand the concept of having nothing. To them the world is built upon fallacies and they wish to unsheathe them by playing into the role of the underdog, the follower or the easy going lover and friend until they ultimately get to the place they had been dying to reach only to sever ties, turn on, vilify or in some cases tear down those who helped them get there. Now to many of you this may sound like an evil way to get by in the world but you must understand unlike Gemini suns these natives don’t live solely in the mind rather they live in the minds of others, to them their life’s purpose is understanding the patterns and desires of others so they themselves can mold themselves into those desires, so they can predict those patterns..all of it is like chess. For them to have the higher ground on the world at large plays into their need to remain ambiguous and Elite. The masculine and feminine much Like Gemini sun present themselves as the gender or energy type that suites them at the moment. You need them to be passive? they already closed their mouth and you haven’t released you already called all the shots..you want them to be passionate and aggressive, they’ve already controlled the day, they’ve changed the way they grip you, the way they lock eyes with you..these natives can be anything, anyone..because for them the art of playing to an illusion is a survival tactic one the learn at an early age to cultivate otherwise the world will defeat them and that is something they just cannot allow much like the concept of the world peaks Satan curiosity he must constantly venture, among the people to understand them as a means of never losing, never falling short or missing a step at watching the creations of the man he despises so dearly evolve. These natives are alluring, sweet, loving but in many ways they can seem missing, far away and sometimes unavailable both emotionally and physically. the reason being is that unlike Gemini suns these natives do not need to be heard, they need to be ahead and once they feel tied or held down by something they’ve already fleshed out and had their time with their restless need to be ahead comes out and they soon gravitate their focus elsewhere. Their constantly at war with the concept of Do i understand it all vs do i understand enough at all?

Sun In Cancer Vs Sun In The Fourth House:

(Arch Angel Gabriel Vs The Deity Tsukuyomi)

Sun In Cancer: Arch Angel Gabriel 

Song: Daughter - Amsterdam 

These natives contrary to belief are not as lacking in emotional awareness nor are they as gullible as other might like to believe them to be. One of the most frightening traits of cancer Sun’s is their ability to emotionally detach from people and situations in a rather abrupt manner. These natives are emotive but in some ways the emotions aren’t always backing the action. Cancer suns fall into the behavior of sometimes being nice for being nice’s sake and often times care more about the feelings of others than they do themselves. In more underdeveloped masculine energies this can rear it’s head as emotional narcissism, thinking the whole room revolves around their feelings and their feelings only, leaving everyone else to have to play pick up the pieces for someone who refuses to take accountability. in some of the even lesser versions this can cause manipulation of the emotional variety, using someones vulnerability as a weapon  are sometimes tactics of masculine energy cancers and Feminine energy cancers who failed to acknowledge the skeletons in their own closet. Cancer suns often remind me of Gabriel in the sense that they carry his will of doing what is needed rather than what is wanted. Cancer Suns understand the difference between need and want and often times center their life around such inclinations. To them everyone no matter where they come from desires things they don’t truly need and fortify things they want only for a moment. As a result cancer suns tend to prioritize people, things and places under the laws of what they need and what they want and often times they can turn a cold shoulder to the things they feel are momentary even if it’s a person. Cancer Suns can be powerful, enigmatic and divinely feminine no matter their gender due to their inner desire to nurture and care for others, no matter how underdeveloped or developed these natives are the desire to protect and care for others is their base setting. Many as they age become more and more like their mother, often adopting the qualities they admired most and showcasing the negative ones when under stress or moments of trauma. These natives are deeply loving and caring and at times this gets taken advantage of but only briefly as Cancer suns are almost Demonically vindictive. The natives see colors on people and tend to be highly spiritually perceptive of auras and presence within people without even exchanging words. They tend to be closed when it comes to their feelings and contrary to social media cancer Suns do not express their inner feelings readily, much like a crab they withhold and protect their underbelly often coming towards things in a side to side manner much like a crab Even more so when they are a Cancer Rising. They tend to only really open their souls to those precious to them and often times when Cancer Sun’s feel they’ve over shared they retreat and often times disappear unless reassured that the person is kind and honest. Cancer Suns despise fakes and those who are emotionally careless and rude so often times they can become dismissive and down right aggressive in an almost warrior like way when confronted by rudeness or self centered behavior. Cancer Suns have a pronounced sexuality, as they represent femininity in it’s motherly form they often embody it’s glow and sway whilst remaining Innocent and seemingly unknowing. Cancer Sun’s often become more balanced as they age as many of them see their progressed sun move into Leo which aids with the confidence and the ability to balance out their darker head spaces that arise emotionally. They can have Strong emotions and because of this in some cases some people with this placement can struggle with such things such as depression and and or manic depression, that being said this is not a product of having sun in cancer, this can happen to anyone. Cancer Suns do have fluctuating emotional states that can fly between happy weeks and months to times of solemn and lethargic states and this is often more so seen in all cancer Suns no matter whether they are in a good place or bad. the key for them is to learn identification so that way they can deal with the emotion when it comes and let it run it’s course without submerging themselves in it. Cancer suns often battle with the concept of Nurture Vs Nature. To them they feel as if it’s their divine purpose to care for others, and they feel like people should be caring enough to consider more than just themselves but in truth the world isn’t always like that and some people are indeed selfish and often times this realization of self motivation perplexes Cancer suns because on a deeper level they don’t know how to disconnect from their need to solely focus on the well being of others whilst also worrying about their own health and emotional well being.

Sun In The Fourth House: The Deity Tsukuyomi

Song: Daughter - Numbers

Ah These natives are truly a never ending Dream starting so pleasant and continuously transitioning like phases of the moon into A nightmare, a sunset, a wet dream, a night terror over and over.These natives are Vague in their difference From their sun counterpart. They seem Emotional and Actually are just as emotional as their actions give way for them to be. But in reverse order these natives do sentimental actions in seldom as they prefer to hide their softer side and present a more aloof front. Unlike Cancer suns the idea of being nice for the sake of it isn’t their forte, rather niceness that is earned is more their language. they admire a certain level of genuine feeling but despise it at the same time due to the roller coaster it sends them on. They often remind me of the Japanese God Tsukuyomi for their tenacity, their often proud and pious nature that dare i say is more Leo archetype than Leo is itself. These natives are proud of their home, to them home is a castle but oddly enough a castle they can’t stand to stay in for to long. They are not homebodies and in many cases tend to see a desire for exploration outside their home towns and often times the countries itself. These natives suffer from emotionally impulsive streaks, often entangling themselves in situations without guarding their heart because unlike Cancer suns these natives have no emotional awareness, they play everything by ear including their heart and that often throws them in an inescapable abyss that tends to devour them. Though these natives are kind at times they are also pompous, they are loving but they’re selfish about how this love is expressed. They want everything on their time often forgetting about the emotional side of things for other people and this is where they get in trouble and why people at times find them overbearing or unreachable. These natives are passionate and insanely creative, often the magnitude of this creativity as limitless as their reservoir of emotion. They wear everything loudly but also hide parts that they need when it’s convenient.  these natives are rather childlike in their personality due to the fact that they don’t care much if their blatant about their disinterest or lack of concern and dare i say this is one of their worst and best traits. They don’t fake it and love or hate them they don’t give a shit. They can be tremendously spiteful though which is even more so pronounced in the feminine energy than it is the masculine. Their struggle lies in the concept of To Have and Not to have, they often times fall prey to the desire to feast and never end never once realizing that once it’s all gone they’ll have nothing. They also fail sometimes to except that just because they want to have something the other person or people in question do not also have to want it and this at times is where they minds clash, because they genuinely do not understand why people are not seeing it their way. Their moods are worse than cancer suns due to the fact that they are not aware of they are having them, this means that they can fly into a mean state without realizing they’ve shifted and this at times can make them seem far more unpredictable then they mean to be. These natives are so loving and genuinely do mean well but their ego does get the best of them with this placement quite a bit.

Sun In Leo Vs Sun In The Fifth House:

(The Sun God Ra Vs The God Of Destruction Shiva)

Sun In Leo: The Sun God Ra

Song: Empress of - Should’ve 

In Certain Ways one can always find themselves confused at the hands of Leo Suns, As direct, Honest and bold as they may be parts of their personality are layered in rather elusive undertones. Leo suns are typically Vibrant, confident souls who march to the beat of their own blazing chariot and drum to match, but much of this bravado is burning so fervently as a means of hiding the softer and in many ways more docile side of these native. They pursue life in a zesty and at times rather emotionally flighty manner as to not ruffle the feathers of those who can’t keep up with them though they can’t help but relish in the fact that they themselves create energy and disperse it where ever they go and not one person can take that away from them. Despite this though Leo suns battle with their Ego on a daily basis and it’s a battle they don’t show the world. Much to their lament their heart at times has a goal of it’s own and no matter how hard they try to live by the flame eventually their flames seethe and reveal their true nature which is much more unsure, much more sentimental and compassionate. Leo Suns are deeply feeling and them being a fixed sign makes these emotions hit like an entire solar system when it happens. Though they hate to admit it they are sensitive, they want to be loved and seen authentically but are also scared of this vulnerability. For the masculine energy this can cause a flighty nature especially in the realm of the heart. Many masculine Leo’s will brake up or pull the “it’s a little too much for me” “ i think maybe we should take a brake” “i want to keep things casual,” approach with romance and things can be going great, marriage worthy and suddenly they pull out. Why? well Leo suns in their masculine spirit are deeply fearful of their feminine side, to them the idea of submission in any form even if it’s to their own heart is a weakness and one they would rather avoid. When this happens they trick themselves into becoming more sexual, more in need of the bachelor life style when in reality they know deep down they want your love, to be loved and accepted whole beyond the meaningless ass kissing they receive. This back and forth nature of their’s does continue sometimes but once they truly open their heart their love is that of a thousand burning blue suns turning the most tremendous white. For them love is their weakness and they seek to present this strong and rather disconnected stance for as long as they can because to them maintaining that powerful and free energy is their soul and to give up their soul for love is their destiny albeit one they detest. These natives are insanely willful and will fight tooth and nail to create, explore and build no matter the obstacle but that being said these natives battle their need to “escape” which can often lead them into addictive behavior as they need to run away from the feeling especially once the flames start to die down. These natives tend to be emotionally unavailable and give everyone the most calm and yet sincere showing of love but underneath i promise their is a depth and well of passion. In the feminine Leo energy is calm and proud but it is also more in-tune with the need for emotion and softness despite the universal Leo energy need for emotional tightness as to not show the world their hide. These natives often struggle with the Theme of Acknowledgement vs Rejection. For them the idea of acknowledging a weakness, a love or a vulnerability is death for them so as a result they reject it for as long as they can however they can and in this process they destroy themselves and the relationships they hold dear. they spend much time wrapped in the concept of accepting the way the feel and not running away from the side of the selves that isn’t shrouded in those glamorous flames. They are caring beyond belief despite the way those flames may fool the world, And dare i say out of many of the signs Leo Sun’s genuinely have hearts of gold in every way. Though Much Like Ra these natives are seen by many under many guises and faces many of which are farther away from the true kinded hearted soul underneath that truly is as radiant as the sun.

Sun In The Fifth House: The God Of Destruction Shiva

Song: Empress Of - Need Myself 

These Natives are quite the storm of Passion and at times this can be the very damning thing in their life. These natives live by the code of fire and tend to burn and burn never realizing their flames are eating up those they care-fore just as much as their foes. They tend to be Patronizing, Domineering, Physical, animated, Passionate and driven Though at times they loose sight of those who marched with them once the goal is reached. They Adore gratification but also don’t believe others deserve it out of their idea of what it looks like to dig fingers in the dirt for something. They believe in fighting for the just things but in saying this they themselves resent people who need to feel honored for doing such a thing. See these natives despise yet love praise, to them praise feels like honey and milk but has the after taste of cleaning solution and dirt. They want to feel needed but despite co-dependence. they want to feel it all but get lost in the feeling. for them their world is one big cyclone of events they just happen to take part in but they also don’t enjoy the drama that comes along with it though it secretly fuels them. to them life is to be tamed and those who are tamed by it are simply unlucky. They value intimacy above all else because in their eyes real intimacy cannot be faked, but they have a tendency to over identify with sex and intimacy almost using it as a bargain when in reality sex and intimacy are simply a pleasant moment between people. These natives can at times be addicted to the chaos and the negligence though they try to mask it as a pursuit of fun and liveliness. Much like Shiva these natives Believe that in order to create things must be tore the fuck up in order for them to really ever be real. The arguments, the tears, the ups and downs make it real for them and usually the lack of it can drive them mad. They prioritize their romances because that’s in a sense their focal point, their sun, their divine purpose but as you can imagine it is also their worst trait as it makes them incredibly insatiable for love but it also damages them greatly when they are alone without love in life. in Feminine energy the pursuit for love isn’t as all consuming and many focus more on their art and the beauties of children and theater many times over these natives live in the club as if it is some gorgeous ballroom whilst others paint and dance as if they where in a room with all the may gods. Masculine energies tend to be on the hunt for something, be it sex, be it themselves, be it a mighty battle to delight in they constantly pursue their own ideal of the sun no matter the activity in question. These natives tend to show all their rawness even their heart because unlike Leo suns they are not fearful of their deeper emotions which is a blessing and curse at times. They tend to battle against Wrath and Happiness. For them a constant state of turmoil is their fuel but the idea of happiness in its all scares them as they fear it will bring stagnancy and boredom along with it. they want to maintain their circulation of storms and tribulations and at times happiness intimidates them as it represents completion and often times completion is not yet what they desire. 

Sun In Virgo Vs Sun In The Sixth House:

(Death God Iku Vs King Yan God of Death, Of The Ten Kings Of Hell)

Sun In Virgo: Death God Iku

Song: Brent Faiyaz- Make Luv

Sun in Virgo natives aren’t so much as something you can readily identify, they are not necessarily a thing as much as they are a what. They feel good, but they also surround you like a presence rather than a physical being. They often times feel like something carnal and ethereal but at the same time gravitate away from this by their realistic and rather internally discontent energy. They seem like they are just moving through the world, like a child who found out Santa was nothing more than a fable.They want and need to be needed but this desire is rooted in their early understanding of relevance being tied to usefulness. To be relied on is better than sex for them as it feeds their inner desire to be needed. Though we say this one might also call this their greatest weakness as their dependency on being needed swarms their lives into situations that allow them to be used and rather than be sad about it they seek out more situations until these woes mount a rather steep hill deep in their psyche. They often suffer from their fair share of demons because of their blind ignorance to their own pain, to them the pain is merely a small price to pay for those small moments of being needed, being useful in that moment they are seen more than any hug, child, parental love or sexual liaison can provide. Much Like Iku these natives live amongst the shadows as a presence, fading in and out of situations like a black smoke. They love the idea of being around others but they secretly loathe it as deep down they feel the attention is swirling away from them. most feminines with this placement suffer immensely as they struggle to separate being needed from being used and separating love from hate.To them the occasional grips outlast the major ones but in reality the small ones are the ones that leave the deepest wounds, while the big ones just leave a gaping hole that was already their to begin with.They admire work ethic and creativity in others as its something they too seek to connect with but they often burn out constantly due to their lack of emotional focus. they often jump in and out of happy and down periods with the down periods out weighing the happy ones due to them not genuinely pursuing their own vices of their own free will. though they care for others they don’t really love themselves which is many times over why they purposely play the game of how long can i rip myself apart subconsciously as they systematically replay the same scenarios with the same ending. Sex is another dimension to Virgo suns, they much Like Gemini Suns see it as a curiosity but due to their earthy component the curiosity instantly dies as soon as their sensual mind catches up with what is really happening. They want and need mental as well as true physical compatibility which can only happen when they align themselves with their emotional self. This circus act tends to continue as the biggest struggle for this sign is My pain vs your pain dynamics. They never know when to draw the line and ultimately they get eaten up by it. The masculines suffer the greatest as they are prone to holding on to their past hurts and using it as justification for mistreatment of people that come after. in their eyes the world was cruel to them so why can’t they be the god and return the favor and this is often why they endure the worst as the universe punishes them tend fold.

Sun In the Sixth House: King Yan, Of the Ten Kings Of Hell

Song: Brent Faiyaz - Insecure 

As many of you may Know we look to the sixth house as the house of structure, day to day activities, routines and health yet for a native with their sun here the health and the health of others can be an ongoing theme in their lives.They Are constantly running on an internal schedule one that can seem to make all of the minutes in a day pure agony. They tend to be meticulous in some cases whilst in others they seem to be following some sort of silent bell that tells them the when and where. Time management, organizing and even planning are their hidden talents mainly because when it comes to other people they are like death itself, constantly waiting, passing the time almost excited at the idea of putting everything together. They can seem detached but down to earth, their hallmark is their humility and bluntness but in some lower cases they can seem condescending and emotionally daft. They say and do things according to their mental comprised list of do’s and don’ts. most people fall in reaction and action types for them and they tend to formulate their actions and reactions in response to these but much like life itself many things are unexpected including people and this is often where these natives malfunction, they assume actions before they take place and are totally unprepared for the off chance things operate outside of that box. To them there is a steady cause and effect momentum that life runs by and often very little does life operate off this agenda. For them life can be stages and every stage represents different levels of turbulence for them, at times things are well and other times they seem unstable or at times they can seem rather abysmal but thats much like life no? things can shift in and out of focus. well you see for these natives that shift of focus can be earth shattering as they tend to revolve their life around specific situations at times which can be highly discombobulating for them when they hadn’t the time to prepare counter alternatives. These natives are quick mentally and typically love the idea of nature and it’s animals, many loving to surround themselves with lively animated pets. they tend to care for their pets and plants more than they do people at times as they naturally see nature and animals as their happy place and area of grounding. Work is also important to these natives so they can often be very proud and intense when it come to the job hunt as their job is often what they want to be known for, how good they do is always important to them. In the masculine energy this can make the men rather messy/earthy looking as they pick up their features from nature in a quite literal way. for the feminine energy types the mercurial influence gives that gender less tone once more whilst also adding a soothing and innocent beauty. these natives are often dealing with the theme of Time Vs Place. For them Time is always an issue, when is it the right time? they never know how much time to alot to moments in their which ends up creating states of drain in them, but the place has much to do with this as well as these natives fail to realize that the places they trap themselves in is a cause of their lack of time, very rarely do they set themselves in situations that give them enough time to exercise free time yet they find themselves wondering where all the time has gone when it was never there to being with.

Sun in Libra Vs Sun In The Seventh House:

(Loki The Trickster Vs Dolos/Dolus The Spirit Of Trickery)

Sun In Libra: Loki The Trickster

Song: King Princess - Back Of a Cab

As an outsider looking in it may seem like Libra suns are impartial, Sweet and charming in a way that is both fleeting yet inviting, but among their well meaning disposition lay a certain anticipation of the camera cutting into the more grotesque scene. These natives Live almost as though they were a celebrity, their minds and energy go into the upholding of the idea they present. be it that they are a punk rock don’t need a man type, or maybe they are seen as a high ranking and family oriented politician, or mayhaps they are seen as the athlete or the singer with the smile of a cool summer evening. They wont ever showcase what lay underneath due to the real self being far more ominous then people are ready for. Libra suns are in reality stoic, serious, and unenthusiastic, this may sound bad but its in reality meaning that they aren’t as wrapped up in your shit as you may think. Libra suns present themselves as more caring and more involved then they really are as in all truth being cardinal their real focus at the end of the day is their own independent well being and whether or not anything is serving the purpose it needs within their lives. They are incredibly independent and dare i say even more than Aries suns. Libra suns really go through all the effort of seeming dependent and unknowing because it allows for people to see them as less of a threat, this in term gets them leighweigh in cultivating beneficial situations for themselves without a hassle. That being said they can get into trouble when the mask fades as people begin to realize their true nature. Libra suns are caring and gentle to those around them and this part is honest as they do have an appreciation for the sensual and often the beautiful aspects of relating to others. Though that being said they have a limit of to how much interaction with others they can stand for, to much of seeing someone can bore them and depending on the nature of the continued interaction they’ll often begin to wear their mask more fiercely as they are now beginning to fight their real self from telling you to leave them be. Libra suns are well meaning but at times they do find themselves caught between the mirror of deception, this shows itself as them getting caught up on past performances they’ve up-kept coming to bite them in the ass. They rationalize things here and there but for the most part much of what they may feel is felt deeply as they tend to see emotions as a gift and something they hold onto. The reason being that Libra suns seldom stay in a moment to long so often when a strong emotion catches them off guard they welcome it though if it’s a negative emotion they tend to retreat from it especially if it’s a romantic emotion that is moving along faster than intended. They are uplifting and selfless most times but selfish and rather clouded by their romances when they do come around. Their greatest struggle tends to be The real me vs the Me everyone Thinks is me. These natives play so deeply into their roles that they often times fly so far away from their own inner world that they forget what or how to identify their own feelings apart from the ones they have made everyone believe they are experiencing.

Sun In The Seventh House: Dolos/Dolus The Spirit Of Trickery 

Song: King Princess - Ohio 

These natives Unlike their Libra Sun Counterparts Exhibit traits that i can only describe as seemingly disengaged yet deeply engaged at the same take. They can seem as if they are wandering, mentally shifted in another place yet almost like a trance they heard every word, saw every movement they were analyzing you yet how could you tell? These natives are observant and often times the silence is their way of capturing the moment. They prefer talkative types as they reveal more and make that part of the interaction easier for them, but people who are overly mysterious or quiet tend to offset them as it gives them very little to work with and puts the balancing act on their back. They try to make others feel understood mainly because they themselves resonate so deeply with the process of finding oneself and understanding ones own true inner workings.These natives seem tricky and deceptive but rather its more or less the spirit they give off. They seem deceptive because they don’t reveal much, yet unknown to others they just don’t identify as heavily as most with the things in their life well enough to reveal much. The seem like tricksters because they know the right time to speak and the right time to act which can at times seem like they’re planning or scheming when in reality they are simply good readers of body language and social ques. they often times trail along a sadness that they can’t seem to attach a reason to but this sadness is often the shadow. unlike Libra suns these natives can’t pretend to be something mainly because they don’t really know who they are apart  from their immediate interactions with others. they have an idea but at times they feel like a shadow of something. The shadow self often tries to convince them to play roles, play into things that could possibly be them yet in actuality they know deep down that would only further the disassociation with themselves. love is a big thing for these natives but it always seems fleeting, as if all their good graces are wasted on individuals who never deserved their love. in an ironic twist though it is actually wonderful that these people come into their lives as they aid their journey to self discovery. These natives are genuine and kind hearted despite their rather quiet and too themselves nature. Their greatest battle is between The Loud Heart and The Quiet Heart. Often times these natives play into the feelings they can see but never into the ones they feel but cannot see, to them the emotions need to have a logic behind them and if not they shrug it off as a irrational emotion. They often times are terrified by their own depth mainly because it belongs to a side of themselves they are not yet familiar and this is the shadow.

Sun In Scorpio Vs Sun In The Eighth House:

(The Mighty Marques Aamon Vs Arch Angel Michael)

Sun In scorpio: The Mighty Marques Aamon

Song: Tove Lo - Are u Gonna Tell Her?

ah The mighty Scorpio sun, Riddled in the darker parts of human nature where they themselves seem to find a sense of curiosity and compulsion. These natives tend to be easy to spot, rather not for just their physical attributes but for their ominous and rather soul inquiring gaze. They see right through you and have already dressed every aspect of you soul a million times over as if it were a pull over scarf. They more often then not have an early look into the nastier side of man due to the influence of Pluto and Mars throwing down their intense calamity. See Pluto and Mars are not necessarily on equal grounding and often times Pluto ruffles Mars in just the right way for mars to gear up in aggression which then cause Pluto to polarize and become calculated and manipulative in order to gain the upper hand. due to this these natives tend to express the inner conflict outwardly as a hot and cold/off and on demeanor and approach to all things be it love, family, and even career’s. Scorpio Suns do not want to draw attention to their actions or their inner workings so much of their ego goes into sharing just enough to get what they need from others whilst revealing almost nothing of themselves. In lesser versions of Scorpio suns this can be problematic behavior as they soon become controlling, Gas light heavy and emotionally abusive to those close to them as a means of furthering their need to be in control. Make no mistake though Scorpio suns are typically battling their own demons the main difference being what part of their journey of healing they are on. Scorpio in feminine types tends to be the most afflicted as the overly competitive masculine ruling signs clashes with the more submissive or passive feminine energy. This clash is apart of what makes these natives so alluring and sensual, you can almost feel the war steaming over their skin, the pain in their eyes, the intensity, you feel all of it as if you where there with them. They tend to be very loving and loyal souls but can struggle with opening their hearts to real love, the kind that heals and extends it’s hand. Scorpio Suns have a bad knack for going after their mirror, and this in turn is apart of their journey but also a habit that must be broken. The reason is linked to the fact that Scorpios Suns are drawn naturally to people that force them to Acknowledge their trauma, darkness and inner instability which sends them on emotional benders that can last years if they are not careful. Often times the Scorpio Sun natives are in a constant flux where they must deal with Ex’s, Family dramas and at a deeper level mental brakes but this is all apart of their grand story despite how heavy the lows are. Scorpio suns as a whole struggle with the concept of Destruction and Rebirth. For them everything in their life has a life expectancy and once the time comes all things fall to ruin, only Scorpio suns obsess with the idea of rebirth leading to a form of longevity a way to ensure things never cease nor ware down..But in reality this continuously vicious cycle of Devastation and second life are draining for their spirits and their soul. It’s ok to let go and it’s okay for things to be at peace, just because there is no war at hand it is no cause for worry of an impending ending and often times these natives in their fear of this manifest their own endings. Much like the Mighty Demon Aamon these natives are compassionate and understanding but also careless, wild and wouldn’t hesitate to impose their will no matter the consequence to others. They have a hard time with the white Pickett fence lifestyle and often times find themselves craving the unknown, the unstable, the misfortune..they are drawn to it like mosquitoes to blood.

Sun in The Eighth House: Arch Angel Michael

Song: Tove lo- Passion& Pain Taste The same(Extended Version)

Sun in the Eighth house Natives are Emotionally adept, but noticeably scary in the sense that they always seem as if they are sizing you up, writing in pieces and parts of you personality so they themselves can further dig into you psyche  in a way that prevents you from pulling the wool over their eyes. unlike Scorpio Suns these natives aren’t a walking ball of tension rather they exude a mysterious and rather deceptive energy as if they are a black mist eroding away at the walls silently beyond your sight. They are just as Black and White as Scorpio suns but more dangerous due to the fact that they see the grey area clearly and choose when they’d like to include it in their perceptive analysis. They can have a military like energy to them, seeming authoritative and closed, while also having a rather shady nature to them even if they are not personally out to get anything at all. Often times people around them perceive them in a rather untrustworthy light even if they are the most honest person in the world, the reason being the eighth house squaring the energy of the Sun, it creates a Leo meets Scorpio Dynamic that creates friction in the outside world but not the bedroom. Sex is where these natives feel they can truly glow and shine, where they can truly unwind and express their true nature. Often times sexual addiction or sexual obsession can become apparent if the natives listen to their lower vibrations. They often times see people in a way of value and have a hard time letting go of them due to the bountiful potential they see in them. to these natives everyone on this earth has meaning no matter how small and that makes them irreplaceable. They often struggle with the idea of growing up Vs staying young. They often hold on to their youth, and even sometimes surround themselves by a younger audience as a means of ignoring father time who often forces them to confront the harsh realities of life. They often times battle with their mature side as it represents confronting their rigid more disillusioned side. they want to be optimistic but deep down they recognize the serious rather proud nature within themselves though they may try to shrug it off. They want their darkness to be excepted but simultaneously detest it as if it where a violent storm or pack of hounds set loose. despite this they have a rather intense nature but one that is more calm and mischievous then its Scorpio sun counterpart. Much like Michael these natives are dutiful but ruthless, if it gets them what they need they’ll execute it without issue no matter who is effected. They tend to follow orders and expect the same from others. they have an empress/emperor like energy which can at times seem intimidating and cold.

Sun In Sagittarius Vs Sun In The ninth House:

(Norse God Odin Vs Pantheon God Of Olympus Zeus)

Sun In Sagittarius: Norse God Odin

Song: Cinnamon Chasers - Speeder 

These Natives do live up to their expansive Ruling planet, They at times are so high up in the sky that they forget there is a whole world around them. They are often distracted, Blunt, Mean, Cut throat, Philosophical and open minded whilst also somehow managing to be vibrant, Sincere and very hard lovers for those they hold dear. They can have trouble holding back their opinions and their ideas and once that mouth of their’s gets going it tends to be a real sucker punch. They adore adventure but tend to find adventure in their day to day life just as exciting. The traveling generalization is often true but for Sagittarius suns it’s not so much foreign cultures as it is experiencing something outside of their immediate normality. they can’t stand someone who doesn’t have any idea what they’re talking about and will dig your grave for you via words if you waste their time, every second is precious to a Sagittarius sun no matter how minor you may think it is. They are often very straightforward in their approach to all things which can be a good or bad thing depending on how strong willed you are to deal with such a strong force. They tend to live in their minds but unlike Gemini these thoughts and desires find their way into the real world which often time can lead them into some sketchy or bad situations due to how little thought or consideration went into the details of the thought itself. They are insanely willful folks and will fight anyone who intends on placing them into a set standard of expectations and rules. They are often creative and fair very well with bringing in their own unique spin to the things they create. certain emotions some of us spend years or days mulling over these natives typically pass through relatively swiftly. Nothing really is that serious to these natives, after-all in their eyes all that could be done has been done. They tend to have a rocky relationship with their emotional hemisphere and thats often where the underdeveloped lot of this sun sign seek out their flighty and or venomous tongue to defend themselves. they often are quite sensitive and loving but struggle to apply this as its a foreign concept to them. Their flightiness is also deeply rooted in their need to chase, to constantly be on the hunt for their divine pleasure. The masculine and feminine both fall prey to this. Similarly to Odin these natives are creative, expansive in their mentality, leaders, explorers and deeply intellectual beings bent on understanding the world and all within it too it’s fullest extent. Their greatest struggle tends to be between the Should i stay vs should i go dynamic. They are always leaving the people and things they have no business leaving behind yet sticking around for the nonsense that truly serves them no other purpose but sex, false validation or presenting a sort of illusion. 

Sun In The Ninth House: Pantheon God Of Olympus Zeus

Song: Cinnamon Chasers -Luv Deluxe 

For these natives the differences can be a little harder to tell, though if anything they stand out even more so than it would for a Sagittarius sun. These natives have a inspirational mind, Dexterous, and very good at micro-managing their own energies. They do suffer from a horrid resting bitch face and cannot hold their tongue when it comes to most things as they prefer to say exactly whats on their mind but this happens more unknowingly for them than it does for their sun sign counterpart. these natives share Zeus’s promiscuous nature, finding it relatively easy to move on from person to person due to the way they look at relationships being stepping stones that further them along to their perfect match. Not very often do these natives find themselves in one position for two long as they suffer from restlessness more than any fire sign or other fire house combined. to them The day is meant to be explored and often times these adventures are completely random as their desire to expand can come suddenly like a blast of cold air. They tend to also enjoy their fair share of tattoos, body augmentations, and hair dyes. Anything that allows them to heighten their experience which in many cases also includes drugs, as the natives love being able to awaken the parts of themselves unattainable during the day. They are partiers but also at times very studious. many are very dedicated to the idea of college while others drop out due to feeling they can find other ways to expand and create on their own. This native is often dualistic in the sense that they can pursue one path for some time and then completely fly off the rail and start a new path abruptly and this personality trait is something that continues as time goes on. They are very giving souls nonetheless and willingly sacrifice and support those they care about with ease be it paying for their food, letting them stay at their house or borrow their clothes. The thing is these natives are good at assessing the boundary and can very easily tell you to leave or that they want to be alone, because although they are kind they also still know their own personal needs matter just as much at the end of the day. They often inquire much about the emotional side of things because they often don’t understand the emotions of others nor what motivates their actions which is their greatest source of frustration. Their main struggle much like Zeus is Abundance Vs Accumulation. They often crowd on things for the sake of having it, but fail to find the the value or usefulness in the very things they are allowing into their life. They must learn to value the things around them otherwise it just ends up being a bunch of furniture with plastic wrap, unused and wasted. They are just as tenacious, gallant, charismatic and strong as Zeus but in hindsight they are just as rude, Oblivious and insatiable as him in their worst.

Sun In Capricorn Vs Sun In The Tenth House:

(Hades Vs Buddha)

Sun In Capricorn: Hades

song: Delilah- Touch me 

If i could describe these natives in a sense i would say they are gifted with a great curse and a Mighty Blessing, and that would be their ability of seeing exactly the deeper nature of an individual without any actual spoken word. They are people readers plain and simple and a great many of them gorge themselves on their hobby of people watching. To them humanity is a big social project and one they are endlessly applying their vast many of skills in decoding. They have an inner earthiness to them that can energetically make them seem slower in their reactions but overly abundant in spirit when it comes to the more physical aspects of life. They have a very emotional relationship with success and money so often times they tend to neglect the other meats of life in favor of money which at times can leave them lonely in the midst of their success. They can have an intimidating aura, one that reaks of sadness and woe in the masculines or one that reaks of intensity and confidence in the feminines. The sun in Capricorn natives have a naturally polarizing emotional state, at times seeming calm, happy or at least passably content to more stoic, lost and emotionally unavailable the moment Saturn’s gloom sinks his teeth into them. they often times find themselves trapped in a current of weight, often times softer things like relaxation, vacations, and even moments of idle are very rarely enjoyed by these natives as often very deep within they feel intense guilt at the experience of any pleasure for too long. to these natives there is a constant nagging voice telling them to “move” and push ahead, the moment they stop the voice becomes a vicious void that can often times give these natives their well known devilish energy. These natives practice restraint subconsciously and often times limit themselves as a means of a deeper rooted paranoia that if they are truly at their best, truly free, everything will come undone. These natives have a life based upon hidden fears that have no real face but often times are tied to Saturn who nurtures the idea in them that things could go wrong at the drop of the hat and that letting ones guard down even for a moment can lead to a very painful lesson. They tend to be loving, and deeply sensitive souls but very hardly ever do they show this face. Masking and false advertising is their forte, pretending to be malicious, cool, aloof, and empty if often easier then showing their bubbly, talkative, and rather softly romantic and tender nature. Love can be a source of pain for them due to the fact that much like all who have Saturn in a prominent place, a lesson is always to be had. these natives tend to learn that love is something that is seldom on par with the level of dedication and patience they exhibit towards their own life, often times fueling their cynical view towards love as a whole. They love intently and with all of their soul, never leaving the side of their lovers but at the same time this love and loyalty comes after years upon years of work and foundation as these natives loathe intimacy or love that seems to flighty or ungrounded in it’s intent. they tend to be spiritual but this is something they grow more intune with the older they get. They tend to be caught in the struggle of maybe it'll be different this time vs already knowing the outcome. The harsh part for these natives is that they deep inside want to give people the benefit of the doubt, they want to be whimsical and naive but it is something to riddled with consequence which they already know and often times they are trapped in a tug of war of was i right to give up on this, to shut down, to close off, was i to harsh, was i to fast to do it? but often times the moment they ignore their intuition the pain is often a violent reminder that they should’ve listened to their gut. these natives much like hades understand the depth of their commitments and find dedicating themselves to things a rigor to be expected but one that is earned not just jumped into head first without proper caution. They live in the dark, ominous and heavy seated parts of life but because of them everything is in order, everything is collected and well placed as it should be. 

Sun In The Tenth House: Buddha 

Song: Delilah - Love you so

Sun In the Tenth housers are drastically different from their fourth house sun counterparts in the respect that where one is Pious, emotionally erratic and arrogant the other is cold, emotionally distanced and humble. These natives prefer quiet as opposed to a loud obnoxious display of the self. To them your work and actions should speak more for your character than some inflated actions or stories. They love intense encounters and often find themselves at the center of powerful people be it bad or good. they enjoy a certain level of unpredictability in thought rather than actually carried out in reality. if i could describe them i’d say they are the emotionally aware bad girl/boy. they enjoy the discretion of the social norm but also have a longing for more structure in their lives. for these natives people are only so interesting to them, once they figure them out the concept presented in getting to know the individual goes out the window. The only real intrigue to them is an ever changing situation, person or thing, anything with a predictable end is often a source of contempt for them. Emotionally they can run HOT like a supernova but then suddenly cool as if all the suns across multiple galaxies vanished into thin air leaving a stark, rigid cold. They tend to adore darkness in others only until this very darkness starts to lose it’s luster. a preference for being a savior for others is present but once again the back and forth nature of this placement and it’s obsession with the idea of disharmony yet simultaneously needing peace. they have a rather neutral perspective in life due to their fluctuating taste, and much like the Buddha they live by a strong law of what you give is what you get, what you do comes back to you and that for every action done, their is an effect waiting for it. Despite this these natives tend to be on the more mischievous side of things seeking a sort of imagined excitement that never ever seems to come. Romantically they are the type to fall hard but also the type to run from anything that is to emotionally saturated. they don’t care for love yet it always finds them anyways, the key with them is that they need it to be paced, anything rushed, anything impulsive or quickly proposed tends to push them deep in their hole. they love sensual affection and touch and often love to place their hands on everything and anything, to feel it in their palms, on their skin, in their hair...they eat up the environment like it were the sea making waves around them. Often times they can have a melancholic sense of humor and seem rather out of touch with their surroundings at times. They prefer loneliness as opposed to bad company and at times the bad company in their eyes is the entirety of human society. They can seem pretentious, Mean, and wildly judgmental with their sharp tongue but if you listen closely at times these natives speak truths you yourself know are true but are not ready to accept. i often call these natives fortune tellers as they speak in foreshadowing tones that allude to future happenings. They often struggle with the heart vs the head. at times they live so much in their mind that the longings of their heart feel like weird wire entanglements that they are not familiar with. They know their heart longs for things but their mind for the life of them can never really make sense of it, to them its all a bunch of gibberish but it often is why they always feel that internal and eternal missing in their lives, as if something should be there but never really is. 

Sun In Aquarius Vs Sun In The Eleventh House: 

(Goddess of Death Hela Vs Moon God Lilith)

Song: SHYGIRL - Freak

So today we speak on one of the most complex and virtually paradoxical sun signs to date, Aquarius suns. These natives are well deserving of their rather multi-layered face, often times seeming like a box with never ending compartments and staircases leading to new basements and by theory new worlds and realities. Often times their level of competency can fly between intellectually dualistic to emotionally dualistic. They can seem like they understand you and at times the depth of this understanding would surprise you despite their seemingly detached nature. Despite this more soft side of their ego make no mistake their god complex is sitting eerily close to the surface. Unlike Gemini suns, there is no second face in the water bearer rather their is only this continuous current that fluctuates between a heavy stream of a light stream and which stream you get depends solely on the level of intellectual enticement the Aquarius sun native can glimpse within you. There is an apparent darkness in these natives but it’s mainly due to their co-rulership of saturn dancing with the erratic demon uranus. These two planets complete each other but they also tug at one another strings in a rather violent and stormy like way, causing a strange ground up and sky to floor motion in these natives moods. One moment they can be rebellious, restless, goofy and rather unbothered and the next moment they can seem stoic, impersonal, detached and down right moody. they love proving others wrong but they also take a great pride in watching a stance someone has held so tightly in pride come crashing down once the sun in Aquarius native corrects them. they take great pride in their mental dexterity but at times can be overwhelmed by the constant and never ending current of thought. They have a tendency to come across as hardheaded and hellbent on their way being the right way as they often despite their airy nature are still intensely fixed. that being said they are deeply curious of society and the world around them, often taking time to learn and study the varying cultures and systems in the immediate environment as well as the environment as others. very many tend to find themselves drawn to humanitarian pursuits albeit a bit shy at first in many cases due to the fact that they themselves don’t always understand their pull to the collective. These natives tend to be loners contrary to belief and find it very difficult at times to cope with their occasional existential crisis as they often find that they don’t really relate or connect to the world or time frame they happen to be apart of. They at times like the idea of being misunderstood while other times they wish atleast one person could peer into their mind and document their beautiful and uniquely grafted mental space but that would be far to available for their liking. Making friends is something that seems like a powerful need for these natives and often times something they struggle with as they often find that they confuse friendship and romance. often projecting more romantic/relationship tendencies on their friendships and projecting more friendship/acquaintance tendencies on their romantic relationships. They do enjoy the idea of being in love or being emotionally connected to others but in a lot of ways they don’t really understand it as much as they’d want to. they tend to in a similar fashion as Hela deem themselves as higher beings who happen to be misunderstood. they view themselves as starving intellects who the world neglects in favor of stupidity and mental stagnancy, a stagnancy that the Aquarius suns believe they can rescue the world from if they listened to them.. Their greatest battle lay in the concept of wisdom vs Virtue. They see these things as separate ideologies, often presented as fallacies rather than something applicable, to them wisdom is unreliable due to the fact that simply knowing something or how it may pan out does not necessarily omit outside factors that alter this variable, and virtue in itself seems like something self assured, but in their eyes something self assured is also prone to change due to the unstable base it is presented upon. so they tend to struggle with letting themselves go to the unknown presented in spirituality, which is often the missing piece to their puzzle. Many of these natives tend to be bisexual, that being said any sign can be bisexual or gay, or so on, the case is that with Aquarius suns, they have such a deeply set ambiguous eternal self that can at times find that it relates more to the energy of others than it does the physical body, especially since for these natives sex and love are not hand in hand as much as mind and body are. 

Sun In The Eleventh House: The Moon God Lilith 

Song: SHYGIRL - Rude

These natives are very unique in the sense that dare i say this is the darkest position for the sun to be in. It creates a tug a war, between the sun and itself as nothing more than a cold white glow. They are charismatic and open, but closed and mysterious. on a hand they can seem welcoming and so entrancing in their approaches, seeming as if they adore the crowd but if you really see them they are intense, perplexed, to themselves and endlessly distrustful. A good word for them is willful and Loudly willful at that. They will not and cannot be moved without their own desire and often times the source of what moves them is unknown to them as well. a complicated requiem of pain swirls within them but the source often alludes them as it stems for a combination of things that have moved around like chess pieces in a chess game with no players in seat. They experience pain but they never claim it rather its seated somewhere and moved around again and again until it origin is blurry to the natives. Pompous at times with their beliefs they are well being, they have an obsessive nature with friendships often deeming them to hold seniority above most things, at times seeing them as extensions of their own ego. the less they understand amongst  their friends the weaker they feel. loving them can be complicated as they are always evolving, changing and dying off ridding pieces of themselves as if they were spring cleaning their souls. They do deal with their darker sides mainly because unlike most of us these natives skeletons never really do go in the closet rather they stand loud and proud in the face of the native so they can face them. They tend to be sensitive but also adaptable so the sensitivity can seem elusive as they tend to firmly glue shut the smallest weakness in themselves the moment it is introduced. They value the feelings of others more then even their own at times but there is often a nice balance between their care for others and the care they have for themselves. They can seem unnerving and captivating as their energy tends to feel like a sultry, in control and rather sophisticated energy though they may not recognize it within themselves. They often times fly in and out of asexuality and this deals more with their emotional state if anything. they at times don’t connect to other people in the way we all do, they see the physical beyond it’s self which can at times cause complete disconnect during moments of intimacy or sex. They often battle the idea of am i complete vs am i incomplete. they never truly know if they have all the pieces aligned and much like Lilith they often times feel an innate need to find the truth, to rebel and quarrel until it all makes sense. they can seem nomadic and ruthless because of this due to the fact that they are willing to do whatever it takes to fuel their desire for self discovery. gender roles and social constraints bore them often times and this makes them feel tense and confined when they are in an overly oppressive or traditional environment 

Sun In Pisces Vs Sun In The Twelfth House: 

( The God Of Creation Brahma Vs Jesus Christ, Son Of God)

Sun In Pisces: The God Of Creation Brahma

Song :Sevdaliza - Dormant

Much Like A dark sea, with waves reaching the clouds and dancing with visible silent but reverberating shocks of light in the sky these natives present a wildly pretty, yet ominous duplicity within their soft and gooey disposition. They can seem rather intangible, yet despite their hard to grasp wetness they can see you, read you and be inside of you like water and dissipate like fog before your very eyes. They are insanely sensitive but unlike the other water signs they are also every other sun sign dressed as one. They have many traits, they carry the impulsive nature of Aries, the sensual and rather harmonious nature of Taurus, the duality and wit of Gemini, The soft and protective nurturing of Cancer, the Amorousness and rather playfully romantic nature of Leo, the Calculated, yet realistic side of Virgo though they fight it.., the Co-dependent yet charming nature of Libra, The emotional intensity and depth of Scorpio, The gun-ho, and rather Flighty nature of Sagittarius, the steady and rigid side of Capricorn, and the Eccentric and rather erratic momentum of Aquarius. thats what makes them so terrifying, they are all things but also nothing at all in theory, a Pisces sun is a reflection of you, their environment, they in theory have no one set manner of being. These natives have a way of seeming completely present, so totally engulfed in you but once reality catches up with them they can seemingly turn into smoke, vanishing into thin air as if they never truly felt anything to begin with. What happened? well Pisces suns are very dualistic in nature, one fish dives in recklessly and the other fish brings them both back to reality and slows things down. Pisces do not readily settle down nor do they readily make any commitments to others be it friends, lovers and even family. everything means more to a Pisces native so they often times need plenty of time to think of the many options, possibilities and outcomes even if they don’t have a clear idea of what they may look like. they tend to be heavily compassionate but can struggle with creating boundaries between their woes and the woes of others. at times they see pain as a shared experience rather than a mission to be experienced solely with the self. in masculines this energy is HARD to handle. it can cause them to get drowned in the Neptune pool, often times making them liars, unstable or emotionally unavailable. in the feminine energy they tend to handle it well though in both energy types the flighty rather slippery side of them is always present, they can seem like they are dodging you or running away but in reality they just shift in and out of feelings like changing currents. they are deeply spiritual and many tie themselves to the unknown as if they were birthed from it. They believe in a higher space, that all things flow in the direction they must with or without intervention. They fear evil in others and often try to save and rescue those who’ve lost their way but many learn overtime that saving is at times not different from enabling. Their biggest fight is flight vs confrontation. These natives much like the god Brahma Are capable of creating and putting together projects and parts of the world in ways that would make all the gods jealous. they have a hand for beauty and making things however they must in a beautifully designed manner...that being said they often shy away from people and things that are good for them due to their fear of themselves and others. deep down they fear the idea of being seen completely as it means all of those 12 faces must fade and the fish must truly present all the parts of itself and thats often when they try to swim away. They fear the concept of being totally seen, totally embraced in the same manner that they do others because then they would have to acknowledge their weakness, Love, receiving honest love scares them as to them the camera is finally on them.

Sun In The twelfth House: Jesus Christ, Son Of God

Song: Sevdaliza - wallflower

We now come to the last of the houses. These Natives have an abundance of mist that shrouds them, much like a cloak or a long blast of light from the heavens surrounding them in its glow. They don’t normally stand out, many times having a rather passive and calm demeanor, seeming polite but not overly open nor connected. Though upon further inspection one can clearly make out their rather attentive eye for human emotion and human desire. they can seemingly pin point the sorrow in others, the dreams, the level of comfort one seeks and once they have scoped it out they often adapt to the particular need in question. See for them it’s more about creating an air of easy peace and the best way to do that is complete neutrality via adaptability. They often times remove all the traits associated with their sun sign and wear a veil, dare is say they become a spitting image of Jesus christ, suddenly they are able to collectively calm the crowd with little to no effort besides a few well placed personality augmentations to fit everyone's individual levels of comfort. They radiate a sadness, a deep sadness that is often glossed over with a false happiness, a ominously passive good natured state of passivity as to not allude to the rather turbulent well of waves and storms going on behind the scenes. Sleeping and a constant state of tiredness often plagues these natives, their energy often always seems half full even if they got a days full of sleep. They never truly feel at 100% which can at times give off a irritable or tired vibe to them. They tend to handle stress well but at the same time they usually can only do one emotion at a time, meaning that much of their inner feelings get compartmentalized into manageable spaces as to not cause them any issue. they like love, but they don’t have boundaries necessary to differentiate being used from being loved. at times they can purposely seek out bad things for them in order to feel needed but in reality they are ensuring that they never really feel happy because deep down they feel it is their fate to take on someone else baggage. They tend to be terrified of good people, stable people, as they represent a missing aspect within themselves. they often push away the good ones in favor of the bad ones because ultimately choosing to be with someone who actually cares about them means they would have to learn to care about themselves which is often something they are not ready to do. Self love is the fear for these natives as it involves uncluttering their inner psyche which is already damaged beyond what they think they can even repair. The struggle here is often do i love me Vs should i even love me? they often times view self love as selfish and deem it as an unnecessary virtue but at the same time they view it as a needed acceptance. hating themselves and self punishment is an easy go to for them because it removes accountability but in the end it always comes back and leaves a wave of carnage in it’s wake. much like Jesus these natives are sacrificing, enduring and deeply of strong faith in humanity but.. humanity always makes endless wounds, and scars in these natives..as they often get to see the worst sides of human nature as they grow mistaking their numbness for compassion. In reality they are kind and loving but this is often a defense mechanism rather than a state of just being. 

Hope you guys enjoy! 

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

why does jean warn up to mc so quickly? ikevamp makes it clear that jean is a pretty reserved person and doesn't open up or let people in easily but he seems to let mc in quite quickly and it confuses me quite a bit.

Oh boy, where to begin with this one.

Well, I have a lot of Feelings^TM about this, but I'll try to be concise. Essentially, I think Jeanne doesn't recover in the other routes--or the general storyline--largely because he's just a lot to unpack narratively speaking. And without some pretty direct intervention, he has a hard time healing. MC’s direct intervention was meaningful because it was focused, consistent, and adapted to Jeanne’s specific needs. She also doesn’t make light of his experiences which is key; she fully understands that she can’t fathom what he’s been through. There is a very weighty respect and acknowledgement, a seriousness with which she treats his wounds that’s important.

It’s easy to make this a “why is MC nOt LiKe ThE oThEr GiRlS” but honestly that’s just not the sense I get when I look at all the information available to us. 

That being said, I also just feel like every person's recovery from traumatic events doesn't really look the same? I mean Leonardo’s cptsd isn’t going to operate the same way Jeanne’s wartime/Inquisition cptsd is going to operate. Some people require very individualized healing, others will often require a large scale group effort to lift them up.

Typically people don't ever just get over what happened to them and never worry about it again, either. It's usually a process of coping; the hope is that with time you find healthy ways to deal with grief and move forward. Therapists aren't magicians, they just help people process painful experiences/thoughts. It's honestly up to individuals to find meaningful ways to implement these tactics. 

Tl; dr: My contention is that Jeanne doesn’t open up or choose to stay alive because MC magically heals him, rather his recovery is a convergence of many people’s efforts and hopes that he stays alive. Gilles (he insists that Jeanne must live, asks him to promise), MC (affirms and bolsters that promise), Comte (makes a second life and recovery possible)--and in no small measure Mozart and Napoleon--all make an active effort to buoy him. As people often say, it takes a village to raise a child.

While Jeanne seems to respond most powerfully to MC’s attempts, it feels more like a product of chemistry/compatibility than it does a random cop out. There is no insinuation that only romantic love can heal; after all, MC gets close to him without any romantic intentions at first. They’re just good friends? It’s more that their feelings simply moved in a different direction after a point, which doesn’t necessarily happen all the time. Jeanne is also incredibly moved by Mozart’s love for him as a friend, Comte’s love for him as a father, and even Gilles’ love as a comrade to an extent. If anything, without their input Jeanne’s capacity for romantic love would be questionable at best.

Now, because I can never for the life of me stop analyzing, I have a more large scale outline of my thoughts below. Spoilers for Jeanne’s route:

If we look at Jeanne's life history, he has pretty specific trauma. Most of the harm he endured was a direct result of human rights violations after the war itself. He didn't enjoy fighting and killing people, but he's also very much a man that sees the reality of his position: it's either kill or be killed. His entire goal was to defeat the enemy as efficiently as possible in the hopes of ending conflict, and with his enormous resolve turns the tide. He had no innate interest in inflicting harm, or lack of control when engaging. He isn't pathological about it, and doesn’t dehumanize the other side. He was more "this was an act of necessity, but those are still human beings." So as far as I can tell he has a very strong moral compass and sense of duty, he doesn't show much delusion/confusion in that regard. (Also evident in his conversations with the young orphan boy.) Furthermore, he has been shown to have a sense of humor--cracking jokes with Gilles and boosting morale for his fellow soldiers.

His childhood abandonment is significant (he left his home because he was "not an adequate farmhand and they had no ability to feed all their children") but I don't know if I would consider it a huge trauma point for him. It seems as though he deemed it an act of necessity--not spite. It was simply the way of things, and he couldn't help his wiry constitution. You'd be surprised how common that was once upon a time, tbh... While it's certainly not right or fair, it does appear that in his perception it was the choice he made and he moved on after he became a soldier. Just focusing on what he could do, rather than everything he lacked. For people in his position, they often feel it is useless to linger on what should have been. There’s no time to linger or doubt, life hangs in the balance.

That leaves us with his time under the Inquisition, just before he was slated to be burned alive. I think this is the keystone trauma point for him, because there are a lot of moving parts to his powerlessness here. The first part is that his entire life's mission--ending the war so that people would no longer have to die and/or starve as a result of senseless violence--was just sabotaged. All those years of doing things he never wanted to do (wartime violence) and being forced to leave his family to ensure they didn't all starve, all of it treated like some kind of joke. Like he didn't sacrifice years of his life and sanity to protect a people who were happy to call him a monster and watch him burn alive. The second part is the overt gaslighting and rewriting of Jeanne's personal history (and overall French public perception) for the sake of the King's political agenda. To call him a treasonous danger to the country when he was once lauded a hero. The third portion is the actual physical helplessness of being arrested, starved, and continuously maimed for no reason beyond pure malice. While it's never right to do that to any human being, this was done to a man who prided himself on his stalwart moral code. To abuse and torture him for something egregious that he would never do (at the risk of death) is just another slap in the face to everything he is and believes in.

I just feel like the context clarifies why that period of time would be the tipping point. His entire moral code and life’s work is being called into question and swept aside, as well as his agency? He believes very powerfully in a sense of right vs wrong, what's fair and what isn't fair. Somebody else deciding that for him--and deciding in a way that is openly unfair/incorrect--further makes him lose himself and his sense of reality. A person in that situation begins to doubt if they are good or bad. His belief in god all the more pressing; if he was a good person, why would fate bring him so much suffering? Honorable soldier or not, his blade has drawn so much blood...

People often reference his stilted social skills (and I am of the belief that he is on the autistic spectrum) as a reason why he is so "people-adverse" but tbh? I don't agree. His memories before the onset of this trauma reveal that he was actually a very warm person, and that people were more than willing to fight under his banner. He had friends, and he had comrades--his country loved him. He was the picture of well-meaning civic duty. Just because he doesn’t integrate smoothly into larger social groups or adapt well to socially shifting circumstances, doesn’t mean he just hates people lmao. When people give him the space to exist within his comfort zone and don’t take advantage of him, he thrives. Compounded by that, we also have his actions in the present to further prove what is true and what isn't.

While he is stern with the orphan boy (I'm sorry I can't remember his name, damn it) there is no malice or cruelty in what he has to say. He doesn't punish the kid or do anything out of line. It may not be fair in terms of the adult level of discretion he asks of him, but the kid also didn't have a lot of options realistically speaking lmao. Same thing with MC, she and the orphan boy are nearly identical in how Jeanne treats them. He's a little rough, but the route reveals that his intentions are just a reflection of what he's been through. He truly believes that if a person isn't strong, they won't survive--because his entire life was a series of trying to be strong/reliable because nobody else would. There was nobody to protect him, and nobody to care for him went things went south. It was him and his sword against the world, and even his exceptional skill as a fighter did not protect him from the Inquisition's arbitrary torture. He has lived in a world where good acts can become absolutely meaningless, where following rules and helping people still gets you slaughtered. That's going to take a considerable toll on his mental health: where do you find the will to go on when the next second of your life could mean the devastation of everything that matters to you?

Spoilers: you don't. Or if you do, every minute of the day is a fight to stay alive. That is the point at which we meet Jeanne. Caught in the hellish whirlpool of wanting more, wanting better--but being terrified of the cost. The cost of hoping, only for his entire world to go up in flames again. It's not a small thing, in my view.

If you have any doubts as to whether or not that is the case, I direct you to literally every singular instance in which Jeanne's emotional sensibility goes visibly dark/south. When do these instances happen? When it rains, for one. And when Shakespeare deliberately starts pressing on his sensitivities: about the soldiers he was forced to kill, about the nation that spurned him, how he's truly "wicked" at heart and doesn't deserve to be happy--seconds before flames erupt for the festival. Does that really sound coincidental? I mean lmao. The rain is a painful reminder, but MC transforms that memory into something a little lighter with her bet. He has nothing to lose in her game, all she does is ask for time with him or offers him something if she loses. There's a playfulness there, a restoration of agency and ease that's invaluable to his recovery.

As for Shakespeare's deliberate retraumatization...I can't even begin to explain how damaging that event was. Shakespeare is undermining Jeanne's agency in that he--not unlike the corrupt monarch of Jeanne's era--is twisting Jeanne's beliefs to work against him. He knows full well that Jeanne doesn't feel like he deserves somebody so bright and understanding (we need to remember it's not really a luxury he's had much in life, especially after the war ended). He knows Jeanne has a tendency to impose that strict moral code on himself even more than he does on others. To reaffirm his every worst fear and lurking terror only throws Jeanne into a vicious downspiral. Jeanne doesn't reject MC out of disgust or hate. He rejects her because he literally cannot handle the concept of trying to be happy again, or of burdening her with his constant struggle to move on while he’s in the middle of a bad episode. He knows he won’t be able to stop reliving the past, that every second of his life and breath will be colored by his gruesome memories. He's trying as hard as he can to keep the intrusive thoughts quiet, to move on. But I'm not going to lie to any of you, that is incredibly difficult to do alone.

The next obvious question is, well why can't the other men help him? This isn't to say that they can't--we see how much solace Jeanne finds in Napoleon and Mozart. Even Isaac is gentle with the veteran. But there are limits to how much they can do. Napoleon is struggling with his own wartime trauma, and it's not identical to Jeanne's. Plus there’s a distinct difference in their sensibilities? Napoleon is the type to habitually seek comfort in helping others when he can't help himself, he's not as in tune with answering his own personal feelings and regulating them. (I mean just look at his new ES: he knows what he wants, but it takes a nudge from Isaac for him to go through with it.) He’s very communally reliant in ways Jeanne isn’t; Jeanne is a very private person, and typically prefers one on one from what I can tell.

Mozart is the definition of repression, and if you look at their interactions it's usually Jeanne that's smoothing over Mozart's rough edges. Mozart says as much himself: that he feels like a rotten friend because he knew Jeanne was struggling with a lot of intense trauma, but he didn't know how to unravel it without hurting him in the process. Mozart calls it personal cowardice, but honestly I just feel like they both had too much going on to be able to help each other effectively. (And Jeanne expresses this sentiment too? This idea that he's not angry with Mozart? He knows they're both carrying a lot, he's just touched Mozart cares about him in return.)

Okay, briefly unrelated, but like. Am I the only one that wheezes uncontrollably when Mozart is like "?????? Idk what it is about MC...I don't want her to be scared of me..." in his own main story in the baths. And Jeanne. IS TRYING SO HARD. NOT TO SPILL THE BEANS ABOUT HIM O B V I O U S L Y BEING IN LOVE. THE HILARITY I CAN'T DO THIS. Jeanne was like "yeah....yeah that's rough buddy.......[screams internally, give your boy time Jeanne he's fragile]"

Honestly? That's the thing about Jeanne too--he has incredible self-awareness and hyperarousal-related (I mean the PTSD kind, get your head out of the gutter) awareness to the people around him. He's very, very conscious of the fact that he is surrounded by geniuses when he can't even write his own name. Just because he has the fortitude not to lash out with his insecurities, doesn't mean he never feels stupid or inferior. And it doesn't help when there are people in the mansion who call him--a fucking war veteran from 500 YEARS AGO--nAiVe. He's not naive lmao. He just doesn't know how the world works so many years later, and it's a ridiculously steep learning curve? Leonardo and Comte are nearly 500 years old, but they lived throughout every hour of that time in a linear fashion. It is a big deal to be moved from 1430 to 1890 in the span of a second asynchronously, and then be expected to function without a hitch??? Given the circumstances he adapts well.

That atmosphere--this constant impatience with what he doesn’t understand, his inability to be caught up to speed quickly--is going to hinder his recovery lmao. He feels like a burden most of the time, and agency and freedom are crucial.

Another thing that occurs to me about the mansion's arrangement is that there is a power dynamic, just as any space with people in it has some level of hierarchy (unless you live with miraculously chill people). Jeanne is acutely aware that Comte is the most powerful being in that space, and he is not only hatefully angry at him--but likely afraid too. We have to remember that the biggest betrayal he witnessed in his life was at the hands of a monarch; it was the aristocracy that turned on him and erased the truth. Comte is openly a child that resulted from both that era and that type of lineage, I don't really blame Jeanne for being wary. He intimately knows how willing rich people are to throw normal folks under the bus to suit their ambitions/whims. Comte, while not deliberately threatening, also seems to be painfully aware of this impression he gives off. His "chad persona" as I've mentioned allows him to navigate his life in secret by necessity, but it’s actively damaging to his son. He can't reveal the truth because of Vlad's betrayal, and he's openly unsettled by what it could mean to be honest. Will they wonder about Vlad and find themselves ensnared under his mind control as Charles and Shakespeare are? Will Comte himself be subjected to the mortifying ordeal of being known only to lose them?? That's a risk he isn't willing to take--and that leaves him in a double bind.

What is it that they say, the truth will set you free? This is where MC and Comte come into enormous play when it comes to Jeanne's recovery. One thing to keep in mind is that most of the people in the mansion have their own traumas they're trying to carry, and I feel like a lot of them are unsure how to approach Jeanne. Or if they do, he's very guarded. It takes a lot of consistent effort to get through to him. What does MC do when Jeanne unleashes his harsh worldview on her? She's understandably frightened, but Jeanne isn't malicious (so she chases him around). In fact, he openly avoids and runs away from her--well aware that what he's done is wrong. If anything, he did it on purpose, bringing us right back to Shakespeare's verbal undoing; why does Jeanne attack her in the first place?

LMAO. He attacks her because she essentially says "oh thanks for helping me!" "I am not nice. Watch yourself." "But you seem like a nice guy to me?" "REEEEEE" Does the pattern become a little clearer? When people think kindly of him, his instinct is to shatter that illusion with an impulsive reprehensible act. When people think poorly of him or lash out, what does he do? When that orphan boy starts yelling and screaming, Jeanne is nothing but calm. He explains the situation, and offers the kid a choice, perfectly happy to be the bearer of bad news. This operates on many levels I’m sure, but I have a feeling it has something to do with him being hailed a saint and a war hero only to be tortured and branded a monstrosity (and he probably thinks being a vampire is doubly monstrous). He’s more comfortable being hated because he feels it’s what he deserves in a lot of ways.

Jeanne has a lot of internalized self-hatred because of what he's done, and because of how much harm was inflicted on him outside of his control (he's Catholic and he was tortured, come on this writes itself). If I'm honest, I think that's actually the greater part of why he hates Comte lmao. Comte refuses the very concept of being cruel no matter how much Jeanne lashes out. Sure he lectures him and scolds him, but he never actively limits what's important to him or controls or harms him. Comte fully realizes the tragedy of how Jeanne's life was used by a nation in dire straits, and knows he needs time and acceptance to heal. No matter how dismal or unhappy, Comte doesn't stop--he fully believes Jeanne should have time in his life where he can really live for himself for once. But therein lies the issue, Jeanne doesn't know how to live for himself.

Which brings me to how MC and Comte "heal" Jeanne. I feel like they give him the space he needs to recover, and that's what results in his gentled temperament and happiness. Remember that so much of his main story is MC endlessly chasing after Jeanne. No amounts of his hissing or running or threatening stops her. Even if his refusals are empty of real dislike, they're enough to deter most people. Not MC. She's able to see through to the depths of who he is, and doesn't just use him for her own ends? She actively seeks to teach him (to read and write) to help him settle better in this era, she actively tries to ease his distaste for rain with a well-meaning bet, and she never gives up on him. (Actions mean so much more to him than words in general too, tbh...). Love is more easily defined by work and effort than it is by attraction.

When he has his episode at the festival, sure she's rattled; but that's because she truly believed that he didn't want to be around her anymore. When she notices he really doesn’t want to be followed, she stops like any normal person would. It’s only when she reads his notebook and sees the truth for herself (that he’s given up despite having the same feelings for her) that her determination is rekindled. She doesn't approach him fearfully, doesn't treat him like he's made of glass either. She just wants him as he is--accepts and loves him as he is. Scarred, bloody, exhausted, abrasive, terrified. She doesn't define him by how easy he is to love. That is a huge issue with traumatized people lmao. Because of their maturity, people always just assume they don't need help, or they rely on them to an extent that isn't sustainable. The second they reveal need or that they struggle, people walk away or victim blame them because it’s easier than taking them seriously.

While MC's attempts may be a little more obvious (cherishing his lily field, wearing the hair pin he gave her, careful about his gruesome injury, really listens when he talks about the horrors of his life and accepts that he experienced a level of agony/terror she can never understand, tries to express her feelings no matter his evasion) I think it's also important to consider Comte's large scale effort. I don't say this to undermine MC, I say it because Jeanne's life was defined by a complete lack of security. He left his parents to make their lives easier, he lived in a war that meant life or death any second, and his country's leader branded him a traitor which lead to his endless torture and public execution. Jeanne does not know a life in which safety is the norm. Point blank. He does not understanding going outside and not expecting the worst anymore.

Comte not only understands that level of despair, but treats it with dignity and respect. He fully accepts being hated if it means Jeanne can use that hatred to live on and find a way to heal. And most importantly, when Jeanne begins to move forward with MC and Mozart's help, Comte never once holds it against Jeanne when the truth is revealed. He's not angry, this isn't about reprisal or reparations or revenge. It's just love.

Jeanne doesn't really have a concept of this? His entire life was mostly transactional, defined by strength and efficiency. Nobody gives a damn about your feelings. You either hurl yourself at the problem or die. Nobody is going to help you or carry you or save you. While he may have had a little more support while he was in the military from his fellow soldiers, that support system was ripped away from him during the Inquisition.

One very common sentiment regarding elongated imprisonment and torture is that survival occurs in pairs. It is an undeniable fact that people need others to survive. It is the nature of who we are. Individualism has never proven to be successful, or if it is, its dividends are astronomically minimal when compared to people working together.

What does it mean to be the most reliable, steady person in the room? Usually it just means you don't know how to ask for help when you are no longer capable of maintaining that stance. Napoleon is guilty of it. Leonardo, Comte, and Jeanne all are too. It's part of why MC and Comte's capacity to see what he needs and provide as much as they can is such a big deal. That sort of consistent support (without a constant necessity to beg for help) allows Jeanne to be able to re-integrate into his new reality and find joy. Even if his nightmares and memories never go away, they are now being actively overrun by positive experiences. That's the thing about recovery, really--it tends to be more about drowning out the negative as much as possible and coming to terms with it, than it is about forgetting or never feeling it again. It’s about softening the sharp edges of pain like sea glass.

So is MC magical and randomly got Jeanne to open up? Nah, I don't think so. I think it was a series of persistence and real acceptance of who he is that made him warm up. People really seem to underestimate how deeply affecting understanding is, but that's how damage is undone. Jeanne can't really linger on the idea of his own monstrousness, his unworthiness, a lifetime of misery, when the person in front of him actively listens and cares about him. Makes him laugh and smile and lose himself in warmth for the first time.

If I'm honest, I feel like people also just...underestimate the level of traumatic resurgence that's perpetuated and inflicted by society’s standards in general lmao. This rhetorical structure in which good and bad exist in moral extremes, this idea that people should be able to recover and never experience relapses or periods of sensitivity. The refusal to radically listen to people and their problems, and make active attempts--not matter how small--to mend/ease those hurt feelings. Granted there will always be people in the world who do not want to improve, but I feel like most people want to. It's hopelessness, silence, and stigmatization that remain the true enemies of traumatized/mentally ill people everywhere. And among that population are always war veterans...

[zuzuslastbraincell]

mai & the rest of the gaang:

mai & aang: a bit awkward, at first? not on aang's end of course, he's totally unflustered and in fact quite keen to get to know zuko's girlfriend and I actually think mai doesn't know what to do with this attitude, given she spent six months or so trying to hunt him down, and that's very present in her mind. hanging out with aang is a very pleasant culture shock in how he casually diaregards half the norms she was raised to strictly follow, speaking with warm enthusiasm and genuine curiosity to all, be they dish washers or tea servers or the Fire Lord's girlfriend, disregarding barriers of social class that are so carefully upheld in the Fire Nation. It's refreshing as it is bewildering. I think mai does develop a fondness for aang - although she can find him and his antics a bit much at times - and deeply respects and cares for him if only for how valued his friendship with zuko is. she claims to tolerate his goofy antics but she enjoys them far more than she lets on (his flying marble trick does elicit a rare smile, although it only appears for 0.02 seconds before returning to the most deadpan expression). I think mai respects him most politically actually - aang grows up to be an excellent diplomat, an excellent mediator who does not lose sight of the importance of various different perspectives, especially those who are forgotten or maligned, even when in circles of power.

mai & sokka: as discussed, they have a rocky start. sokka, my darling beloved sokka, has a tendency to be a bit abrasive, if we're honest, in that his humour and his puns are a little in-your-face, he has a bit of an ego aboht being the funniest/smartest person in the room, and he can take it personally when people don't like it. mai doesn't have much time for that. mai doesn't care much for sokka's jokes if only because they're attached to this ego, but also and finds the puns a bit flat (whereas she finds aang's mischief making genuinely funny, though she tries to hide it), and sokka takes this deeply personally and tries really hard to elicit a laugh from her. this just ends up with him aggravating her more. I think mai has little time for sensitive male ego games and that's partially why her and sokka clash- she won't blunt herself for him, even if he is one of zuko's closest friends. I think sokka, to his credit, doesn't dismiss her as a 'bitch' and keeps trying - in fact, the reason he comes on so strong is because he actually really wants her to like her - and i think that's because of boiling rock, and because of that alone sokka deeply respects mai on many levels (and was extremely surprised by how all that played out, and knows from that alone that mai is a layered and complex person who contains multitudes). I think what might cause mai to warm to him is politics - sokka's a pragmatist, who is skeptical of idealism without material backing and is refreshingly realistic for one of aang's friends. he keeps the fire nation on its toes at the negotiating table but he's also the first to point out when a potential proposition - when anyone's potential proposition - has more logical holes than a piece of honeycomb. i think mai appreciates that perspective. and i think they could slowly and gradually go from personality clashing to building this begrudging friendship where mai will never openly admit that she likes him, where sokka will still grate but in a way that becomes almost familiar and comfortable because of that, and where - especially in a situation where they have to work on a project together - they're a formidable team. a difficult friendship but eventually could be a dear one.

mai & katara: another personality clash that becomes a really fascinating friendship. katara wasn't there for boiling rock and is perhaps a bit cool towards mai even understanding what she did there, and the grounds where they most often meet is politics, and they largely are at odds there too. they're interesting parallels, in terms of role - both partners of powerful world leaders, but while mai positions herself as a vital support and power behind zuko's regime, furthering that goal, katara loathes to be associated with aang simply because of their romantic relationship, and does not envision their relationship to be a political one: aang and katara stand independent, but with shared values and goals (and perhaps katara simply does not understand why mai takes the position she does regarding politics and relationships). their actual political approach wildly differs, with katara being an impassioned idealist who is the most radical out of the gaang, whereas mai is a pragmatist - much more concerned about the feasibility of the radical ideas proposed and sees herself occupying the role of a much needed skeptic who asks 'okay, but how are we going to do this?' in a group of radicals. this does lead to some fierce clashes actually - some of katara's proposals appear outlandish to mai, and katara interprets this as fire nation indoctrination and ideological conditioning limiting her perspective (and honestly neither are completely wrong - mai can be on occasion perhaps too conservative and cynical and that is often because her upbringing has limited her scope, and katara sometimes isn't fully aware of how feasible her ideas are and leaves practical concerns to others). I think despite this they have such a deep respect for each other - and that's in part why their arguments are so impassioned, because they both fundamentally know the other comes from a good place. mai saved katara's brother's life at boiling rock, and katara saved mai's partner during the final agni kai - they have both proven to each other the extent of their commitment and cared for another they care about deeply. they're the biggest idealism vs. cynicism clash but honestly over time i think the respect only grows over time despite periods of hot and cold. I'd like to think if katara ever has relationship difficulties with aang, after her gran's, it's mai whose advice she might respect the most - after all, it's mai who understands what it's like to date someone who is a world leader, and mai absolutely believes in having firm, healthy boundaries and little tolerance for sufferring for men in relationships. I think given their positions they're often in dialogue and in conversation and end up building the most unexpected but also rock solid friendship. they *would* take a bullet for each other, i am sure of it.

mai & toph: i love these two. an incredible friendship. mai takes to toph the quickest out of aang's friends. it makes sense - toph comes from a similar class and upbringing as mai, albeit has taken a different life path and expresses herself completely differently, and i think while surprised and thrown at first by toph's bluntness, mai sees that and not only respects but honestly just loves how toph is a little crass, and doesn't hold decorum as the be all and end all. I think the age difference here actually makes a difference - mai very much sees toph as a younger peer (and eventually, much like zuko, a younger sibling), and while it can be sad to see someone from a younger generation express themselves freely in a way that mai feel she can't, i think her joy at seeing that takes precedence here over any mixed feelings. mai pretends not to be amused at toph's antics (but quietly delights at them) and absolutely is the person who will get the authorities that be in the fire nation to look away from whatever misdemeanours she's committing at any given time (indeed, mai as often been a partner in crime - actually, speaking of, she's been surprised before to see katara also partake with toph, and it was an ice-breaking moment for them, probably one engineered by toph). that said, mai absolutely does not patronise toph, gives it to her straight, will also tell toph when she's going too far or pushing the limit, something toph deeply respects and values. mai can see toph's wisdom and her strong intuitive understanding of how others feel, and admires that, as well as the kindness toph shows (i would not be surprised if mai looks at toph and wants to be a little more like her). I also think mai's sardonic and biting sense of humour is best appreciated by toph out of aang's friends (sokka also finds it very funny, but sokka is also trying hard to get mai to like him, as aforementioned). mai and toph vibe together *so hard* and *so well* (something i think zuko is quietly deeply grateful for, since mai hasn't clicked as well with the rest of the gaang, but also because he views toph like a little sister too).

mai & suki: right! so this one is complicated. mai does not see suki as often as the rest of the gaang - she sees katara and aang often for political reasons, at summits and keets and so on, sokka keeps in touch often and is constantly sending letters, and toph will just turn up unannounced and will stay for several weeks to "relandscape" the fire nation gardens (so she claims) every year or so. I am sticking to show canon here but reject the comics canon - there is no way in hell suki ends up as a bodyguard for zuko, the kyoshi warriors have better things to be doing. so! while mai absolutely saved the teal at boiling rock and suki knows this, the fact that they see each other relatively little mean things are a bit... cool between them? Not quite cold, but there's a degree of awkwardness that mai works past with the others that takes longer with suki. I honestly don't know if suki knows how she should feel about mai? like ty lee not only helped at boiling rock but then went on to work with the warriors and suki very much sees someone who wants to prove herself and right those wrongs in ty lee (as well as someone who is running away but. that's another post). mai completed step 1 and 2 with boiling rock, but hasn't... done anything after that. and on paper they're cool and she knows it but... idk if she knows how to feel? it's a bit weird. a bit awkward and weird. it's possible suki holds more of a grudge than she's willing to admit (she's been most directly wronged by mai and ty lee after all) and the fact that mai has returned to the fire nation, and been, according to katara, disappointingly conservative at times, makes her question what boiling rock meant. suki is cordial and professional around mai but doesn't really know her that well and doesn't trust her as much as the others. mai doesn't particularly care either way and will take or leave friendship with suki (though mai, to be clear, does respect suki immensely as a warrior). the key factor here is ty lee, honestly. i think the two of them could have an excellent relationship if so inclined but it would apmost definitely be due to ty lee trying to prod them into getting along and hanging out and getting to know each other - because i think they're both practical minded, no-nonsense girls who are exceptionally skilled in martial arts and if nothing else they could bond theough sparring sessions, but i think they'd also just get along splendidly if they had the chance. suki just doesn't quite trust mai and mai making those personal amends isn't a priority when she's trying to stop zuko running the fire nation into the ground.

[amindofstone]

Match up, No. 9

@starlightbydaybright hat gefragt:

Hello! Saw you were taking match-ups and I was wondering if I could request one. Only done one before for another fandom, and I was wondering who I’d align with for One Piece ^^

I'm an INFP and generally an introvert, finding it difficult to express myself when I'm around people I'm unfamiliar with or just not close to. I can be both quiet and shy; quiet when I have no interest in making good impression on that person (a stranger I'll see once and never again) and shy when I'm genuinely trying to make myself acceptable to them. But, I do trust easily, so it's not hard to get close enough with me that I'll open up about almost everything, so long as they understand have my boundaries (that'll shift depending on how close). I'm also very affectionate with people I'm close with, particularly through physical touch, since I've been pretty touch starved. If you're close friends with me, you can find me constantly looking for a hug, but I can respect boundaries since not everyone enjoys contact.

The situation would be a bit different romance wise, since I’d revert a bit back to my introverted side, but also very affection-seeking at the same time. I say affection seeking as in I’d crave time and activities spent together with them, but I’d be afraid to ask/initiate, at least during the early beginnings of the relationship. I’d be constantly seeking affirmation of their love, and since I’ve never been in a relationship before (but desperately wanted one), they’d be constantly receiving my love too ❤️

While being an introvert in reality, I find it much easier to speak with confidence online. as I actually have time to contemplate what I can say. It's when I'm either with close friends or on the internet, that I can go on passionate endless rants or show my passive aggressive side. I'm usually pacifist, but if something irks me enough, I can and will pitch in snide/sarcastic remark or two, or if it's more serious; I will write out whole sophisticated and well worded paragraph that'd sound all polite with a hidden snarky tone.

I'm pretty much a hopeless romantic, so there's lot of couple things I want to try when I find someone. Back hugs, bridal carry, tickle fights, you name it. While I do enjoy these displays of affection (comes with the happy kind of embarrassment aka. I feel embarrassed that others sees it but I’m happy because I know they’re not doing it out of maliciousness and because they truly love me), small gestures are appreciated too; a gentle squeeze of the hand, a passing smile, etc.

As for hobbies, I enjoy reading, writing, (occasionally) drawing, but most of all; probably singing. I enjoy a wide variety of songs, depending on what mood I'm in, but I particularly like songs about love. Looking for someone to sing the duet love songs with me, doesn't matter how good or bad they are at singing. They can be tone deaf for all I care, it's the thought that matters 😊

I'm very emotionally sensitive, and can both laugh and cry easily. A random stranger online wished me good day? I'll be in good mood for awhile. Watched a 'mildly' sad movie? (Extra emphasis on mildly) I better have new box of tissue on the side just in case. It'd be nice to have someone that can either comfort me or at least tolerate my emotions, so I wouldn't be irking them 😞

I don't really have a type when looking for significant other but being an INFP does make the romance thing complicated. It'd be nice to have someone that's far along on the extroverted side (just not happy go lucky and can be serious) since, despite being introverted, I like to experience new things. I'm just too afraid to try alone and prefer it if someone else recommends it first. Someone to prompt me and nudge me to do something, but won’t take it too far if I really looked uncomfortable. (I’m also a procrastinator so they gotta find out the right ratio between pushing vs. taking it too far 😅) In relationship, I'd value trust and loyalty the most, since both are important in keeping the healthy relationship. If both sides could equally trust and be trusted, then there wouldn't be place for insecurity or fear. This ties in with another part of me being an INFP; I want a relationship that lasts forever. While it's weird to decide how long lasting the love will be early in the relationship, I don't think I can fully commit myself to someone, knowing that it'll end (through the other side falling out of love with me, finding interest in someone else, etc.) (natural causes like death are fine, even though I will still be sad 🥲)

As for appearance, I’m a 5”4 female with slightly wavy black hair that reach nearly to my waist. I don’t think I’m particularly short, but then again, every anime character seems to be straight up giants XD (Man, I was born with the wrong genes) I’m overall very plain, with black hair, brown eyes, but I’ve always been told I had pretty long eyelashes and big bright eyes. Average weight for my height, and flat chested :’)

As for the preference for gender, I’m mainly attracted to guys. I had some (very few) crushes on a small selection of female anime characters, but that were very rare, like 3, compared to my (insert large number) male crushes

Thank you in advance and sorry for how long this is 😔

P.s. I feel like I need to emphasize I’m still an introvert, since the personality I described is only limited to my very small friend group

a/n:

Hey there? How are you doing? Thank you so much for requesting. First off I should be apologizing for making you wait so long. I hope you´re not mad at me but lately there is a lot happening in my life. In my private life but also in my college life. But let´s put that aside and get to your request.

I have to thank you for the detailed info about you because that helped me to choose a match up for you so much. Like I instantly could think of someone. Not only did it help me to match you up with someone but also to come up with a plot. So I came up with this little imagine/hedcanon… I really don´t know what to call my work for the imaginies so I go with work. XD Anyways I really don´t know what to do at this point. Your request and your personality gave me such a good idea for a plot that I tried my best to keep it short because I decided to turn this request and my ideas and thoughts that are flying around in my mind to an actual FANFICTION! AHHHHHHHH. I can´t stop thinking about it. The idea sounds so damn good in my head that it makes me smile like an idiot right now! Uff I can´t wait to find time writing it down. AHAHH, but I fear that I already gave aways so much with this!!!! *pouts Doesn´t matter I´ll do it anyways. AHHHHHHHHHHH Thank you so damn much for requesting!

Anyways! Back to my work now. If there is anything that bothers you or you simply hate please make sure to tell me so I can change it and give you whatever you´d like. Other than that happy reading my dear!

Match up rules can be found HERE.

Warning(s): Maybe grammatical or spelling mistakes since English is my third language and I´m still improving in every aspect (Please have mercy on that.)

!!! Please do not steal my idea or work. Credit me if this is shared or published in any other platform or any other way. Please respect me as the writer and my work. Picture is not mine. Credits to: I sadly don't know. Please tell me of you know so I can give credits. Thank you in advance. !!!

· I decided to pair you up with KILLER

· Like am I the only person that thinks that he is not getting the screen time and appreciation he deserves? Because that is the damn case! ODA GIVE THIS MAN THE LOVE AND APPRECIATION HE DESERVES. And while we´re at it I wouldn´t mind if I would get a bit more of Eustass Kid too… Thank you in advance. <3

· But that’s not the point. Please dear requesting beautiful human being give this man and me, your hopelessly dreamy author a chance. Thank you, I really appreciate. <3

· aNyWaYssssS.

+

· “y/n? Are you still awake?”, asked the blond man softly. “No worries I won´t make you carry me to bed again.”, you said with a giggle. You couldn´t see his face but you knew that he was smiling. “I don´t mind that you know? I like having you close to me without having to fear to see you hid under the blanket for who knows how long.”, you rolled you eyes and hit his arms. “That only happened because that idiot captain of yours annoyed the hell out of me. That was embarrassing Killer.”, you slowly put one leg over the railing and then the next one. Making sure you don´t fall down the ship. “What happened? Didn´t you drag me out our cabin to watch the stars?”, asked the muscular man who held you close to him while making sure you didn´t fell. “I did but now I´d like to look at something different. Something even more beautiful. Something that gives me warmth and happiness. Something that keeps me alive and always makes sure I am doing fine.”, talking to the blond pirate while sitting at the railing was one of the rare moments you were close to an eye level with him. “You mean my mask?”, asked the man with a tiled head that got you to roll your eyes and hit his chest. “Great you destroyed the sweet moment. I hate you. Make a step back so I can get down. I want to go back to bed and drown in regret of dating you.”, you tried to push him away but he was obviously stronger and threw you over his shoulder. “Of course you hate me. That was also the exact same thing you were moaning a while ago. Let´s go back to bed nerd.”

· As sweet and loving your relationship was now with the pirate it also started like that. Wanna know how? Alright let me get comfortable in my bed and get started. Story TIIMMMEEEE!!!

· An island well known for their universities and scientist. An island full of top ranked doctors.

· Physics, chemistry, biology, astrology was well thaught in the schools of the island. An island well known around the world. An island ruled by a powerful devil fruit user.

· An island in which every civilian had a talent in another field. And you? You sadly had an impressive talent for languages.

· Why sadly you wonder? Well the amount of times you had to run for your dear life because some pirates could come and kidnap you and make you read the poneglyphs is immense.

· Once even the infamous Red haired Shanks came and asked you with the hope to have someone who could read them. But sadly you couldn´t. You told him that you were done with pirates coming for you or your best friends. You regretted learning all of that and hated yourself for that. Shanks and Beckman to whom your were talking to really felt bad for you and claimed the island as their territory after they had a chat with ruler and made a deal.

· That was that saved you and your friends for years and made you happy. You were thankful to the red hair pirates and always treated them with meals and drinks when they came visiting the island. You were happy for 5 years. 5 years until these stupid reckless pirates came.

· And now? Now you hated yourself all over again

· You knew that not every pirate was like the red hair pirates. Nice and respectful. They didn´t kill innocent people and destroyed civilizations only to get some gold and diamonds. But these? These were horrible. Cold and cruel.

· “Someone make this btch talk otherwise I´ll do it by cutting her into pieces only stropping when IT actually starts to answer my god damn questions!”, screamed a tall and guy with red hair.

· You were scared. Tied on a mast on their ship, you feared for your life. Screaming for help was not an option since you were already on the sea since a while now.

· The man that was yelling at you none stop was now holding a blond man with a mask at his collar and growling at him. The man might have a mask on but you somehow had the feeling that he was talking to the man with the red fur coat. “Clear the deck! NOW!!”; yelled the man before he left inside the ship. Slowly every man on deck was leaving you alone. You wanted to ask them were or why the left but you knew that they wouldn´t give you an answer. You were a prisoner. A captive. A pathetic human they took on board. With the last pirate leaving you behind, a door that was located behind the mast you were tied on closed while the need to cry grew inside of you. How long am I here by now? One hour? Two or three? Was anyone missing me back at home? Were they already looking for me? Thoughts that occupied your mind were blurring your vision. You were looking right in front of you but also not. Your eyes were wide open but your vision was back at home. Home were you belonged.

· “Hey. Hey can you hear me? Hey you alright, woman? Hello?”, a man was squatting in front of you and waving with his hands in front of your face. You were deeply lost in your thoughts that you neither heard him coming nor saw him sitting right in front of you.

· But the moment he touched you tight you screamed and got back to reality. “Please don´t touch me. Please don´t hurt me. Please I beg you. Please.”, fear was written all over your face. You saw yourself death with a huge puddle of your blood. “Alright I won´t touch you. It´s just that I´ve been sitting in front of you for 5 minutes now and the only thing you did was breath and say no. Anyways here is something to drink. You´ve been her for four hours now. Half of the time unconscious and the other one either basically mute or in a trance.”, the guy in front of you was the same one who got the mad man to leave and clear the deck. It made you wonder who he was that he had such a power but you didn´t dare to ask. “Here I hold it for you and you drink.”, the glass was put on your lips and you drank. You didn´t knew how thirsty you were until your lungs were wetted by the water. Finished drinking he put a blanket over your legs since the position your were in didn´t allow you to cover yourself properly. And the fact that you were wearing a dress wasn´t helping at all.

· “Alright. You had something to drink I got you a blanket now tell me are you able to talk to me and answer my questions?”, you nodded. “Good. Now listen to me. There is this language that is called Krisanasy. As far as I know there is a tiny amount of people who are able to speak that and you are one of these. Am I right?”, you nodded. “How well are you in it?”, you gulped and looked at the man with the mask “I know the most important basics. I remember basic grammar rules and a good amount of vocabulary but I´m not that good in it. I didn´t worked with anything that included this language since years now.”, the masked man nodded and fully sat down now. “Would you be able to get back in it if you had some books and scripts to work with?”, slowly you understood where this was supposed to lead. You knew that if you said yes they would keep you as their prisoner and make your work for them. And if they had everything they would kill you because there would be no more use for you. But if you said no now and refused to talk to him he would probably also kill you. You were in a dilemma. You didn´t wanted to die but also didn´t wanted to die after you helped them. They were criminals. Feared and hated by the government and any human around the world. You looked down on your lap and let your head fall forward so your long black hair covered your face. “Hey I asked you something. Would you be able to do that?”, his voice was deep and rough but in the same time soft and gentle. That irritated you. it make you realize that him being nice to you now was just a way to get under your skin and make you do whatever they wanted. And then they simply would kill you in the most brutal and cruel way. “Hey, woman. Are you listening?”, you felt helpless. “I don´t want to die. Please let me go. Please. I beg you. Please.”, tears were streaming down you cheeks you couldn´t hold back anymore. He came closer and lifted you face. “Listen here you are a smart woman. Stop crying for fcks sake. If I would be you I would have made these pirates work for me. Use your damn brain and stop crying. Do you really think anyone in here would kill you? Heck no! They need your help. They need your brain because all of them are basically stupid. Like damn I need you to answer all of my questions before my captain with anger issues comes and beats the sht out of me. Now answer me woman. Are you able to get back in it if we got you some scripts to work on?”, you nodded while more tears streamed down you cheeks. You felt pathetic. You felt worthless and used. Helping them would turn you into a criminal too and ruin everything you worked on. Everything the emperor did for you and the island would be wasted. “See wasn’t that hard to answer.”

· The questioning went on for a while you didn´t know for how long but you knew that a long time passed since the sun stared to set. “Alright. Now I give you two options. One, stay here. Tied up on the mast no matter what kind of weather we face. Two you swear to obey me no matter what kind of order I give you and you will be able to sleep on a bed. You will get food and tomorrow you will start working on the scripts we give you. You choose.”, with your head hung lowly you said number two and instantly got released from the chains and handcuffs. He helped you stand up and covered you in the blanket before he led you into his cabin. “Wait here. Sit there and don´t do anything stupid as long as I´m not here. If you do anything stupid I won´t be able to help you. Got it?”, he didn´t even wait until you answered or gave any reaction he simply left and closed the door after him. So you waited while sitting with a lowly hung head. Minutes passed and he came back. “Your clothes are dirty. The bathroom is empty so you can take a bath or shower. Anything you want but I´ll be in the room with you. Because of one I have to make sure no one is coming in and secondly to watch over you and make sure you don´t do anything stupid. Got it. Fine. Take this towel and these clothes. We don´t have any female crewmates so you have to be wearing with my clothes until we dock on another island and you get to buy clothes.”

· The man with the mask took care of you for the rest of the day. He took you to shower and gave you fresh clothes. You had dinner with him alone in the kitchen when no one was around and got back to sleep. And no matter what you did he made sure to keep a respectful distance towards you. Whenever he had to come closer or touch you to take care of your wounds he would warn you. The day kept going like that. Nothing else was said about the following days and the thing they wanted you for. Only necessary things were said that were needed at the moment. And you only gave short replays or only answered with a head movement.

· Slowly the day passed by and the night took over with the moon putting the world alight. You were back in his cabin with him sitting on an armchair and you lying in bed sleeping with one hand tied up on the bed.

[thanksjro]

More Than Meets the Eye 2012 Annual - None of These Guys Know How to Be Nice to Others or Themselves

Hey, so you remember how every kids’ show until basically 2006 had a Fantastic Voyage episode, where they explored the inside of one of their friends’ bodies? We’re opening up with that.

Rodimus and a few pals are busy trying to clear out a nanocon infestation from none other than Ultra Magnus himself, and are doing it in the most convoluted way possible because Brainstorm wanted to try some new invention out, and I guess Ratchet just can’t say no to that faceplate. Whirl’s in there, which seems like maybe not the best idea. Wonder how Magnus feels about all this.

Oh my god he’s been asleep this entire time.

There’s this thing that doctors are supposed to do before performing any medical procedure on a lucid patient, and it’s called informed consent. It would appear that it didn’t happen here. Ratchet, your medical license, please and thank you.

Things start getting hairy for the Fantastic Voyagers during their throw-down inside Magnus’ mouth, and Ratchet’s forced to do something drastic: he has to ask Ultra Magnus, king-sized stick-in-the-mud, to smile.

Woof, that’s rough. Don’t worry, buddy, you’ll get the hang of it eventually.

The sudden engagement of the smiling pistons is so violent that they explode, thus destroying the nanocons entirely and utterly. Great!

Word gets out that Ultra Magnus smiled. Not so great.

Atomizer’s all about them crossbows, so I’m going to make a call and say his design aesthetic is probably rustic chic. Of course, rustic chic for a bunch of space robots probably looks a hell of a lot like brutalism. What I’m saying is, I don’t think Atomizer’s work before the war was too hot.

Everyone Magnus runs into and tries to inflict his job upon makes fun of him. Magnus is a sensitive soul, so he takes it to heart. Poor baby.

A bit later on, in the double page spread with layering issues, Chromedome wakes up from a nightmare.

Rewind has to think about this and double check his database to make sure that Chromedome hasn’t in fact tried to commit suicide by way of ingesting space napalm, and I think that says a lot about Chromedome from a mental health standpoint that even his husband isn’t 100% sure what all he’s tried.

Chromedome hasn’t tried this particular avenue of suicide, which means that his flashback nightmare is the result of one of the many mnemosurgery autopsies he’s performed over the years. Turns out digging around in someone’s memories has a few side-effects.

Meanwhile, Tailgate’s inviting Cyclonus to his Autobot graduation ceremony, because while Cyclonus pulled a real bastard move last time we saw him, Tailgate still seems to think he’s worth having around. Tailgate really wants to be liked by people. Cyclonus doesn’t even respond, and Tailgate decides to leave him alone to stare out at the free-to-use image of space that’s currently in their window.

Then there’s Swerve, who’s down in the engine rooms looking for his roommate, Red Alert. Yep, that’s right; Red Alert somehow ended up sharing a room not just in general, but with Swerve, who we established in issue #1 as being maybe not his favorite individual.

Swerve stops by the corpse of Ore, who I guess they haven’t scraped out of the side of the quantum drive yet for whatever reason, and he take a moment to pay his respects.

OH MY GOD.

Everyone looks like they’ve got retainers in for this issue too! What an oddly specific design choice to see repeated by multiple artists. And on that note…

The 2012 Annual was drawn by two people, Jimbo Salgado and Emil Cabaltierra, both of whom seem to only have this singular contribution to the Transformers franchise. Salgado appears to have been employed by DC Comics, and Cabaltierra’s most recent work seems to be on  the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comics. There isn’t a ton of information on either of them, so I suppose we’ll have to take the art here at face value.

Over in Rodimus’ inexplicably not-pink room, he and Drift are discussing talking points for Tailgate’s graduation ceremony. Well, Drift’s talking while Rodimus half-listens. We get a taste of Rodimus’ motto for the series.

Drift thinks that less might be more in this case, but the saying, much like a majority of Rodimus’ personality, is based in feelings of inadequacy. Optimus says it- though not nearly as often- and if it’s good enough for Optimus Prime, surely it’s something to emulate. Rodimus, feeling a bit snippy over being called out on his hero-worship, accuses Drift of not actually caring about the ceremony and just wanting to get to the part where they hit up Crystal City to join up on the Knight Quest. Drift, admittedly, is excited to see the Circle of Light again, which is surprising considering what happened the last time he was in Crystal City.

I dunno, I just feel like things would be awkward.

Magnus walks in, demanding the whole crew be thrown out because they’ve been making fun of him. Rodimus tries to help Magnus see the lighter side of things, saying that a little harmless ribbing means that the crew is starting to warm up to him, but Magnus doesn’t see it that way.

There’s also the issue of the Lost Light still not having made contact with the Circle of Light. Magnus is concerned about the sect of religious zealot-pacifists having been attacked, but Drift fills Magnus- and the reader- in on the bad-assery he witnessed back in the Drift miniseries.

It’s later now, and Tailgate’s ceremony is about to start. In the audience, Jackpot takes bets on how long it’ll take for Rodimus to say the Thing, and Whirl confides in First Aid about the graffiti he left inside Ultra Magnus. Wonder what sort of violation that is. Defacement of personal property? Medical malpractice? Assault?

Rodimus kicks things off, Whirl wins a bet, and we get word that all the dead bodies they just keep stacked up in the medibay started moving and clutching at their heads as if in pain. Apparently First Aid doesn’t know proper ceremony etiquette, because he’s fully leaned over the seat in front of him, in a crowd that honestly isn’t nearly big enough to hide what he’s doing, to whisper to Skids about the whole thing.

Well well well, if it isn’t Mr. Grumpypants himself watching from the wings. Glad you could not-join the party, you night-creature. If you’re attempting to be a nice person, Cyclonus, the person you’re attempting to be nice to needs to be aware of it.

Rodimus makes his speech, reflects on his own right of Autobrand, and Tailgate gets his very own temporary Autobot badge.

Or not.

Rodimus, who didn’t mean to fuck up Tailgate’s paint, doesn’t even know what he just did. Rewind steps in to translate the gobbledygook, while Tailgate has a minor crisis over his ruined beauty, saying that it’s Old Cybertronian for “let me out.” Drift and Ratchet run out of the white void behind the stage, both touting their own theories on what just happened, and both at odds with one another. Skids interrupts the debate of science vs religion before it can start, stating that Swerve’s on the horn about that Duobot not being dead.

Ore being alive poses a problem, because he’s still stuffed into the quantum drive, and if he freaks out he could set the thing off and having them bouncing all over space. They just got to Theophany, home of the Circle of Light, so bouncing around would be really inconvenient.

But wait, there’s more! The Galactic Council has come calling, wanting to know just what the hell everyone’s favorite war-mongering race is doing on their turf. Rodimus is a rude little shit, because bonding with the Matrix doesn’t really do much for your skills in traversing delicate political situations. Luckily, Magnus steps in before Rodimus can cause a galactic incident.

Magnus, because he’s the Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord- Tyrest being seen as a neutral party by both the Cybetronians and the Galactic Council- is received much more warmly by such a bureaucratic organization. They have what might be considered playful banter to them, and an agreement is reached.

Ooh, that’s a spicy take there, Rodimus!

We get a brief explanation of what exactly the Galactic Council is- a coalition of sentient races who organize treaties between species and police the galaxy in an attempt to keep the peace. Obviously, they don’t much care for the Transformers.

Before we can get terribly deep into the history of galactic politics, there’s a bright flash of light that consumes Rodimus-

-and we cut over to Swerve and his zombie pal.

Hey, who wants to see some high-level self-sabotage of one’s sense of worth? Because if you do, you’re in luck, because Swerve’s apparently got it down to a fine art. After failing to identify himself, Ore- who cannot see or feel anything at present- thinks that he’s speaking with Pipes, and Swerve proceeds to offer up that thing that happened in issue #6 on a silver platter to the guy who apparently doesn’t like him a whole lot already.

Swerve, please, practice a little self-love, my dude. Don’t subject yourself to this.

Down on Theophany, the boys are driving towards Crystal City, and are none-too-impressed by what they find.

Rewind, what the fuck do you think you’re doing? You can’t do that, it’s been established.

It’s looking like Crystal City’s been proper fucked, and Drift’s none too happy about it.

Back over at the pity-party, Swerve’s ruminating on the difference between peace and happiness, and how he doesn’t think he’s cut out for either of them. Ore adds that they’ve only just ended the war, and it may take some time to settle into the new normal. Swerve worries that he’s wasting his bold new tomorrow by playing pranks on Red Alert when he could be using his medical degree for something useful and important. Poor Swerve, caught in the trap of “you’re only worth something if you’re productive”. We’ve all been there, man.

Because it’s trauma, and you don’t owe anyone to be perfectly healthy and fine when you’re traumatized by warcrimes and atrocities! Every single member of the Cybertronian population is chock-full of trauma, and they need, just, so many more mental health services in order for it all to be processes and dealt with.

Also, Ore is very scary and bad to look at, so I’ve cut him out of the capture for this little bit of dialogue.

Back in Crystal City, the boys have made the rounds, and determined that a fight did indeed happen, but there aren’t any bodies to speak of. Odd, that. Drift is a little on edge, as he snaps at Rewind that he’ll cut his camera off of his head if he doesn’t shut up, then decks Whirl for playing the name game.

Then Drift gets mad at god, and things go about as well as you’d expect.

Later, bitches!

Over on the Benign Intervention, the Galactic Council ship, we see where Ultra Magnus’ gotten to, as he has a meeting with a representative. The Council is offering Magnus a seat at the table, because he’s about the only member of his race the Council respects.

Back with Drift, the lads have picked themselves up from the fall and have found themselves a nice little surprise.

Ratchet and Skids up there just straight-up disrespecting gravity. Can you tell I’m not a huge fan of the art here? Because I’m not.

The fellas climb up on this giant’s face, Swerve shows up for a panel, and Rodimus has everyone jump down the Metrotitan’s throat to go find the thing’s brain.

Lot of vore-adjacent action this issue. Gotta love an Annual.

Once inside, they find a very big brain, and Cyclonus reflects on his faith. See, back when Metrotitans weren’t so rare and Cyclonus hadn’t spent 6 million years in the Dead Universe, he would worship in their shadow. Rewind, because he’s a history nerd, asks for a taste of that action, and Cyclonus indulges him, probably because he’s once again realized that he misses connecting with other people, and still doesn’t know how to handle the Tailgate thing.

This is where the Guido Guidi art kicks in, and it’s so friggin’ pretty. So pretty, in fact, you might almost miss Roberts slipping this into the lore dump.

An urgency, you say, which- stop me if I’m wrong- resulted in the creation of life.

Honestly, I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner.

Anyway, this is where the Guiding Hand came to be- the five gods of Cybertron.

Now, back in The Death of Optimus Prime, it was established that the Guiding Hand were ancient, lost knowledge, only known to the Matrix and its bearer. Cyclonus is really fucking old, but I’m thinking that this discrepancy is simply a case of early-installment weirdness that’s now being rectified, so it isn’t too odd when members of the crew are revealed to have faith.

So the gods hung out, made a bunch of babies asexually, gave them the gifts of thought and feeling and being able to turn into tanks and shit, and it was pretty sweet for a while.

The Mortilus got a bug up his butt about killing things, and the Transformers found their true purpose in the universe- war. Mortilus was eventually defeated, but only after every other member of the Guiding Hand had been reduced to abstract sculpture art; Primus became Vector Sigma, Solomus became the Matrix- which, considering what happened to that thing prior to MTMTE, uh, yikes- and Epistemus and Adaptus became the basis on which the modern t-cog and brain module were built.

Because the god of death is no more, the Transformers were made immortal, which explains why it takes so much to fucking kill them. A bunch of the first generation of Transformers decided to fuck off into space to spread the good word about their pretty-much-dead gods, coming to be known at the Knights of Cybertron. The end!

Ratchet doesn’t appreciate the tale that Cyclonus just told, because Real Atheist Hours are 24/7 for him, and that fight that Skids managed to put a stop to starts up again.

Then Drift brandishes a sword a Ratchet, because this is how we deal with our problems when we’re Drift, and hiding behind a façade of being a happy-go-lucky flowerchild fails. Rodimus breaks the two of them up before someone gets stabbed, and drags Drift away as Chromedome sets up to do his thing on a brain the size of a school bus.

Skids comes up and starts chatting him up, and Chromedome reveals a little bit about himself as a person.

Chromedome, I’m happy that you found someone you love who loves you just as much, but I’ll go ahead and say it- I don’t think telling the dude with short-to-midterm memory loss to look for a relationship is the hottest idea you’ve ever had.

In a place that isn’t the inside of the Metrotitan’s skull, Drift asks Rodimus about his faith. Rodimus is a believer, then proceeds to put the guy on a pedestal as he make the claim that “everything will depend on him.”

Then Chromedome stabs his needly little fingers into a giant brain- much to Rewind’s chagrin- and all hell breaks loose.

Oh man, y’all are going to double space-prison for that one.

Magnus’ meeting gets interrupted, of course, and the Council’s automatic response is to assume they’re being attacked, and they break out the big guns to take down to the planet’s surface. Magnus, seeing the writing on the wall, teleports back over to the Lost Light awith the intent to call Rodimus to try and see just what’s happening now, when the entirety of the ship is encased in a forcefield, and not one courtesy of Trailcutter.

Back planetside, Chromedome’s flat on his back as he explains that the Metrotitan is screaming its friggin’ head off in a frequency they can’t hear, mad as hell that it can’t answer the call of Vector Sigma to come home. This frequency can also apparently raise the dead, and do a bunch of other really weird shit. Chromdome wants to dive back in.

Chromedome, are you sure that statement about being suicidal should have been past-tense?

The whole planet is a-rockin’ and a-shakin’, as the Council troops make their way towards our dear friends. Rodimus, thinking quickly, orders Whirl to take a few friends and keep the Council busy while Chromedome wraps up. Rodimus wants all that good, good Cybertronian history, and figures that they need to rip it all out of the Metrotitan’s brain while he’s still kicking. Brainstorm offers to shrink the guy, seeing as he brought along his mass-displacement gun, but Rodimus seems intent on using the method that could kill Chromedome and might not even get them what they need before the Metrotitan dies.

Before a decision can be reached, Ultra Magnus gets through to Rodimus. Turns out that forcefield the Lost Light’s in is an incineration shell, and things are about to get spicy for everyone on board. Said shell is also draining the power cells, so they can’t quantum jump to safety. Rodimus has an idea though.

Over with Swerve and Ore, the conversation turns to religion. Swerve is a man of faith, whereas Ore has a much more straightforward view of life- you live, and it’s odd and wonderful and terrible, and when you die that’s it. Ore does not believe in the afterlife, and believes that what you get is what you get.

This is about the time that Rodimus calls Swerve to have him set off the quantum drive by killing Ore via shock, by telling him the truth about his predicament.

Swerve just shoved those orders so far up Rodimus’ ass, he’ll probably blow them out of his nose in a minute.

So, the Lost Light’s done for, thanks to the power of standing up for yourself. I guess Scott Pilgrim got that one wrong. Chromedome asks Rodimus what he wants to do with the Metrotitan, and Rodimus says to let him free.

And then everyone died. That’s a series wrap, folks!

What do you mean we’ve got 49 more issues? Okay, let’s see where this goes.

So Brainstorm blasts the brain, everyone is enveloped in a bright light, and we smash-cut to Swerve talking at Rung’s headless body in the medibay, as he recounts the outright religious experience he had.

Ore’s gone, and Swerve believes that Primus came and took him to the Afterspark, the Cybertronian afterlife, and so it was that Swerve’s faith was strengthened.

Over in Rodimus’ office, we tear down that miracle with some equally unrealistic sci-fi bullshit. Brainstorm’s mass-displacement shrunk the Metrotitan down enough to allow himself to teleport, and some theorized psychic link with Ore allowed the Lost Light to piggyback to safety.

Still no clues as to what happened to the Circle of Light, though, which is troublesome. Probably kidnapped, or some such. Going off of that hunch, the Lost Light will be following some reports on Decepticon activity- because we haven’t gotten to the point of nuance with our former enemies just yet.

Rodimus has decided that winging things isn’t really working out like he’d like it to, so he’s going to try to be a better captain. Which, y’know, thank god. Let’s make an effort to keep everyone kicking.

We get a brief flashback to just what happened during Magnus’ meeting with the Galactic Council, and as it turns out, he turned down their offer, saying that he was needed on the Lost Light.

The Council is disappointed by his decision.

Oh well dang, I wonder who that mysterious figure could possibly be. Surely he will in no way factor into the entirety of every single problem ever faced or made by the planet of Cybertron and the galaxy it resides in. Oh, surely not.

While I got you here, let’s take a gander at the section blurbs.

We’re getting yet more mindsets about god and faith, from folks not in the narrative but adjacent to it. Alpha Trion is a well-respected, learned robot who has no doubt spent a vast majority of his time taking in literature and theory on the subject of religion. In contrast, we have Beachcomber, who in this particular continuity doesn’t have a ton of characterization, but does seem to be pulling from his hippy-dippy persona from the ‘80s cartoon at least a little for his excerpt here. New-age, we’ll call him.

And then there’s Megatron, who’s just straight-up torn the cover off of Karl Marx’s A Contribution to the Critique of Hegel's Philosophy of Right and is trying to pass it off as his own, but let’s look more at the actual meaning of such a quote.

Now the problem with that is, much like in real life, we aren’t seeing the entirety of the quote, instead having only kept the last little bit to play with. 

"Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people".

Now, for Megatron here, we should assume that the front-end of this quote from Marx isn’t applicable, seeing as we seem to be operating as if it doesn’t exist. 

So, “Religion is the opium/engex of the people.” It’s a comfort, a drug, something to keep one docile. We’ll see the logical conclusion to such a mindset much later on in the series. As is, it gives us another glimpse at the creature that is pre-war Megatron. 

And now you know why the Annual subtitle was Primus: You, Me, and Other Revelations.

[thepermanentrainpress]

THE PERMANENT RAIN PRESS INTERVIEW WITH MADELEINE SIMS-FEWER AND DUSTY MANCINELLI

Violation is one of the most stirring films we’ve seen over the past year. Since making its world premiere at Toronto International Film Festival last year, the Canadian flick has been busy on the film festival circuit; now available through digital-cinema on TIFF Bell Lightbox, with Vancouver International Film Festival (VIFF) Connect to follow beginning March 26th. 

What inspired the story behind Violation?

We were both dealing with our own personal experiences of trauma at the time, and wanted to make an anti-revenge film that deals with female rage, and emotional and psychological unravelling that trauma gives rise to.

We really wanted to make a revenge film that pushed the boundaries of the genre, challenging the tropes of the scantily clad woman becoming empowered by violent revenge against a menacing stranger, and that revenge is the cathartic climax we are all seeking at the end of the movie. Yes, it is a film about seeking retribution, but also about the cost of that retribution. It is a film about violation, but also about lack of empathy and selfishness, and how both can erode your morality and the relationships around you.

It’s been described as “twisted,” “feminist-minded,” and a “hypnotic horror.” At its core, how would you describe the film’s genre(s)?

Those three descriptors fit perfectly, actually! We weren’t thinking too much about genre when we wrote the script, mostly about the story and about how we portrayed Miriam’s journey. We were inspired by films that don’t sit comfortably in a genre box, like Caché, Fat Girl, Don’t Look Now. Films that are dramas with elements of horror.

When you were writing the script, can you elaborate on the dynamics between the two couples that you wanted to portray – Miriam and Caleb, and Greta and Dylan?

Miriam and Caleb are very much at an impasse in their relationship. The spark has gone out and they don’t know how to reignite it. Instead of doing the work it might take to get through a rough patch Miriam is very much running away. There is a real transience to modern relationships that we wanted to capture in their dynamic - this idea that when the romance is gone the relationship has run its course. Miriam wants to fix it, but doesn’t know how - she clumsily tries to fix it with sex (on her sister’s advice), and this echoes how she tries to fix her trauma too.

Greta and Dylan have a seemingly healthy relationship. But when you look a little deeper their outward affection and codependence masks a deep distrust. Dylan is having his ‘grass is greener’ moment, and he’s totally selfish to the impact this has on those around him. Greta can sense this, but she’s too enamoured by him to risk rocking the boat. It’s all a recipe for tragedy really.

Miriam and Greta have a complex relationship, to say the least. It’s natural to have distance between siblings as they grow older, did you always intend to have a sibling relationship be a centre of your story?

Yes, we always wanted to make a film about a person who suffers sexual assault and is not believed by their sibling. That was one of the first parts of the story that came together. There is so much to unpack in a sibling relationship like theirs. A rich history of mutual failures and resentments as well as so much camaraderie and love. The more painful betrayal in the story comes from Greta, not Dylan.

We wanted to explore the idea of trauma within families, and how abuse and violence affects everyone in the family, not just the person who suffers it. Everything else orbits around these two sisters — Miriam and Greta — as Violation mines the little resentments, commonalities, shared joys and sorrows that weave together a truthful portrait of these women.

A lot of the horror and dread in Violation comes from the way the sisters interact, and in the ways they react to each other from a place of fear. There is no filter in these close sibling relationships (we know this as we both come from big families!) which can be wonderful, but can also lead you to hurt and be hurt in ways that leave permanent emotional scars.

The non-linear editing engages viewers into the story, as do the jarring intercuts with imagery of nature, animals and insects. Tell us about the editing and post-production phase, and what you hoped to accomplish with the progression and symbolism.

The way we have edited Violation is very deliberate. We are forcing you to experience things you might not want to in a very specific way, guiding you through this post traumatic landscape where the past and present are constantly speaking to each other.

We chose to weave two timelines together — the 48 hours leading up to the betrayal and the 48 hours surrounding the act of revenge. This forces the audience to re-contextualize what they have seen, challenging their own opinions of the characters based on what information we choose to reveal and when.

Violation is told completely from Miriam’s perspective — we watch her emotional and psychological unravelling as she struggles desperately to do the right thing. There is a sequence in the middle of the film where we see this act of revenge. There is no dialogue for a long time, we just follow Miriam as she goes through these meticulous actions. And what we realize is that her plan, though well thought-out, is unbelievably emotionally and physically taxing. She’s not prepared, and we watch the real horror of her actions play out through her visceral emotional responses. It was important for us to really force the audience to experience things as Miriam does. The editing is focused and relentless; never letting you stray from her experiences and emotions.

Madeleine, for you, getting to play Miriam and connect with her pain and turbulent emotions through the course of the film, can you share your thoughts on that experience. How did committing to this character challenge you as an actor?

It was the most challenging role I have ever played, and in many ways was absolutely terrifying. I wanted to push myself as far as I could go as an actor and challenge myself to really find the truth of who this woman is, and reveal that to the audience. There are so many quiet moments where Miriam’s journey is so internal, so the challenge there was in truly living each moment as if I was her — getting lost in the role — so that I was not indicating what she was feeling, but living it.

What was it like having Anna, Jesse and Obi as screen partners?

Very liberating. They are all extremely dedicated, layered, engaging performers. They elevated me and challenged me every step of the way. Jesse and I have worked together before, and we have an ease that makes scenes with him very fun. The comfort level we share allows us to really experiment. It was my first time working with Anna and Obi, but it won’t be the last. They are both so open and sensitive that I felt our work was incredibly nuanced.

An overarching question is whether revenge is ever justified. Tell me about Miriam’s mindset, and the struggle between morals, motives and her actions. For you as individuals, is this something that you have had conflict with in your own lives?

In a way we wanted to make a sort of revenge fairy-tale. Fairy tales provide ways for children to think through moral problems, and to wrestle with life’s complexities. They aren’t depictions of reality, but reflect ideas about morality and humanity. We wanted the audience to think about consent, the rippling effects of trauma, how we judge women vs how we judge men, and perhaps consider those things more deeply.

In the end Miriam’s desire to punish those who have wronged her hopefully leaves the audience with a compelling ambiguity to be unpacked as they scrutinize her actions.

Tell us about the trust built between the cast and crew on-set, especially during the more intimate and grim scenes and tense conversations. How do you build that comfort level?

It’s really just about having open, honest conversations. We spent a lot of time with the actors during prep and rehearsals just talking, and building friendships. We are dedicated to creating a comfort level where actors can be completely transparent and open with us, so that when we ask them to go somewhere they know we are there guiding the process and aren’t afraid to take big risks.

To survivors of trauma, what do you hope this movie provides in its story?

We hope to provide a new take on the revenge genre - one that explores rape from a different angle and context - with the focus of the narrative much more on the psychological ramifications of trauma. We aren’t looking to tell anyone what to take away from the film, and we made Violation as much for people with no experience with trauma as for people who understand these murky waters. Really we hope the film sparks thought, discussion, and empathy.

You met at the 2015 TIFF Talent Lab; what drew you together as a filmmaking team? What advice do you have for artists/filmmakers looking for their own collaborators?

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what drew us together - it’s sort of an intangible thing. We developed a very candid friendship that we thought might translate well to a working relationship. Luckily it did!

Shortly after the Talent Lab we decided to work together on two short films, Slap Happy and Woman in Stall. Until directing these shorts neither of us had really had ‘fun ’making a film. Filmmaking was a drive, but it wasn’t a joy. These shorts gave us a totally new perspective, where we actually had a good time workshopping the script, creating a visual style, and just challenging each other. By the time we were making our third short, Chubby, we had decided to officially form a creative partnership.

We definitely approach filmmaking from different perspectives and with complementary strengths, but we don’t say ‘this is your thing and this is mine.’ We work collaboratively on every part of the process, and we built this unique way of working through our shorts, so that when we got the funding to make Violation (through Telefilm’s Talent to Watch program) we already had a solid method that works for us.

In terms of advice it really helps to know how you like to work before looking for a collaborator. Then it’s just about experimenting. It is very much trial and error. Don’t try to force a collaboration that isn’t working for you. There is no shame in a creative relationship not working out. But also it is important to be flexible and open to compromise - that’s how ideas flourish and grow. If you are too rigid then maybe collaboration is not right for you.

Going from short films to your debut feature with Violation, what new challenges did you face and how did you overcome them?

The endurance required to make a feature was something we weren’t prepared for. At about day 3 we turned to each other, totally exhausted, and were like: “there’s 30 more days of this.” It was brutally draining. Honestly every day brought its own unique challenges and problems to overcome, but we had such a strong, supportive team that it made each mountain a little easier to climb.

Aside from yourselves, who are some other up and coming Canadian filmmakers viewers should keep their eyes on?

Grace Glowicki and Ben Petrie are both doing really interesting work. Grace’s film Tito is a disturbingly good character study that builds a terrifying sense of dread. Ben’s short Her Friend Adam is one of our favourites, and he’s about to make his first feature.

Is there anything further you’d like to add or share, perhaps what you are currently working on?

Right now we are writing a slow burning mystery thriller and a twisted dark comedy. That’s about all we can reveal at the moment!

Thank you to Madeleine Sims-Fewer and Dusty Mancinelli for providing us with further insight into Violation! Visit their official website for more information on their projects. 

[tothedarkdarkseas]

What type of things do you think 2d wouldn't be able to do with a man? Sexually and emotionally?

Woof. That’s a heavy question. Behind a cut for sensitive material.

This side of it is overlooked sometimes and I haven’t always done the best job representing it myself, but there’s absolutely an element of emotional isolation with another man for Stu. Having any sort of romantic (or undefined, in this case) relationship with a man is… uncharted and uncomfortable. There’s a whole evolving process in his response to Murdoc, though. Stu can and does throw his emotions in Murdoc’s face a lot when he’s around the 20-23 range, particularly when those emotions are about how much Murdoc sucks, but if anything that only highlights how little conscious thought he’s put into his relationship to Murdoc vs, say, Paula. In the beginning he’s not acting dishonestly to Murdoc, and in fact is less honest toward the girlfriend he cares about his image in front of; it’s just that it’s still an immediate surface level “honesty” with Murdoc, a heat-rises kind of honesty. He reacts to what Murdoc’s shown him up to that point and now follows that angry “owed” instinct Murdoc unwittingly split off himself and drove into Stu’s head. You don’t get a sense of Stu being cold, but you don’t get a sense of him being comfortable with any level of vulnerability either, he’s still asserting himself as a winner even when he’s dripping spittle and rage tears. He’s pretty emotionally immature which tends to involve a type of selfish honesty, and in my imagining he gets kinda tetchy, kinda defensive, especially so with Murdoc. He is overall less reserved than a certain stiff-lipped British stereotype, which just kinda supports him not actually being raised any higher than mid-working class– as always I’m not the best source to discuss this stuff, I can’t emphasize enough how much @elapsed-spiral keys me in on the class divide (spoken and unspoken) and the fairly unique relationship Britain has with class. (Also can’t emphasize how much I’ve ripped ideas from them in general, and how much more knowledgeable Danni is on everything about the inherent Britishness of the characters. And on most things.)

All that crap about his emotional profile to say– there’s a shift when that relationship changes into something with sexual undertones, whether they’ve actually had sexual contact or not. To simply exist and be gay is not inherently sexual, but… Stu isn’t exactly a guy I see having an enlightened understanding of the world and himself, not at 20 at least. To Stu, who went to school under Section 28, who was at least complicit in some schoolyard homophobia (regarding the pic in ROTO with the “I’m gay” sign stuck on another boy’s back), who does not feel confident in exactly who he is but has some ideas of who he does not want to be, who has only ever been with women and doesn’t accept those experiences being mocked and invalidated because the conversation about sexuality for working class men was so black and white, who does not know if it’s possible to separate his identity as a man from the fear of being “less of a man” that he’s internalized, who knows he isn’t the ideal of “what a man can be” and feels more doubt about his head traumas and “disfigurement” than he admits and doesn’t want to add another uncertain thing on top of– yeah, to that Stu, his worldview is still rather narrow. The thought that his life, both going forward and his memories until now, would be forced to change in a way he has not reached a healthy place with yet is upsetting. After things take on a certain tone with Murdoc, I think Stu pulls back emotionally but can’t help still spilling over. I do think there are times, very panicked raw times when Stu would be open about what he’s feeling, he’d deliver stream of consciousness anxieties or maybe accuse Murdoc of things, he’d cry while shouting because Stu is simply prone to crying in frustration, he’d certainly show emotion in some form, but day to day things would become more terse. Murdoc would probably prod him until he forces Stu to lash out, but Stu would not put himself in the more threatening, more vulnerable position of maybe being… kinda okay with it. Letting himself feel connected to Murdoc the way he has to a girlfriend. Talking to someone about Murdoc, including Murdoc, in more than just insults. Treating their relationship as a relationship. These are things that I do think could shift around over time. After Phase 3 I think the emotional relationship takes on a much more direct and bitter tone, things go from heated to quite icy, and their relationship stops entirely for several years. When they come back together it’s just with this resigned understanding that they’re part of each other, that no amount of living healthier has ever flushed Murdoc from his system.

Sex is both harder and easier for Stu depending on the context. This is a shortcoming on my end, as I have the characters exist in kind of a nebulous alternate reality more than like a full plotted “AU” so I do tend to… jump around a bit. I’m not married to certain things, and this tends to be one of them. I’ve written Stu being unable to have full penetrative sex with another man, and I’ve written him regrettably having full penetrative sex with another man, and I can’t say I hate either idea or think they can’t work.To be honest, I still sometimes feel like it’s a mistake to have their relationship be quite as explicit as it’s been, and I fall back on the idea in Midnight Coward– that they just can’t. Stu just can’t. I find the concept of “incompatible sexuality” really compelling, even if in this case I headcanon them as the same orientation but just very different places in their comfort with sex… but for admittedly shallow reasons it can be hard to stick to that for every story. In my head, the followup to Ampersands is Stu and Murdoc continuing to smoke and indulge in no-direct-conversation mutual masturbation together, or Murdoc performing oral on Stu (not receiving it in return), but while Murdoc would have anal sex on offer– despite the fact that they’d already done that with Paula– Stu would not be able to repeat it under the new circumstances for a long time. It’s different without her as a buffer. He was able to justify the threesome as “sex with his girlfriend” while Murdoc’s just there, he compartmentalized what that moment could mean in order to act on it, and now he’s able to compartmentalize Murdoc “servicing” him as just… sort of using Murdoc in a masturbatory fashion, something Murdoc’s gladly offering and gladly accepting. It’s not really rational, but it’s something tenuous he can get himself past this threshold for– the threshold for “really” shagging (according to a heteronormative guy’s experiences and what “really counted” as shagging with girls vs what was having a bit of fun) is much further out, and would take a longer time to get past. But on the other hand, it can also feel believable to me that they’d just go way too fast and end in Stu’s brain being a little broken (psst, this is what I’ve taken a break from a more serious unsexy story to write, so I’ve gotta cover my tracks now and defend it.) Now that I think about it, there’d be a meeting point between sex and emotion– I think Stu would have a much easier time getting in physical altercations with Murdoc that allow for sex to happen, being in rougher or less emotionally compromising situations than talking about things like identity and history would be. He’d be… this is an awkward way to phrase it I realize, but he’d be more open to being made aware that sex with Murdoc is just something that could happen. He might get defensive at a lewd joke but he wouldn’t exactly spiral at it. Having an explosive relationship allows room for things to just… explode, as it were. I think that sort of distance from the emotional side (apart from “normal” emotions like anger at Murdoc) makes him feel safer and less like he’s in a vulnerable position, even if he’s in a compromising position. It makes following the cues Murdoc is giving less scary and more instinctive. I think a hard line for Stu (at least for a very long time) is giving oral sex, or kissing Murdoc in a non-sexual environment (as in kissing at breakfast or something.) These don’t feel like things he’s being gratified by and therefore distracted enough to do; these feel like things you do when you want to please someone besides yourself or share intimacy with them. Either of these ideas with Murdoc trigger a flight response in Stu, so he’s out.

(I realize I just talked about Murdoc and not another man in general, but I don’t think Stu had any sort of romantic relationship with another man before Murdoc and unfortunately for him I don’t think he ever seriously has another relationship after. I can’t decide if I think Stu might sleep with another man when the two are separated during the hiatus but I tend to lean toward ehhh, maaaaybe only once, just to jolt himself from the numbness with something that terrified him so deeply once, to see if he’s capable of caring about anything that much again… but I could also easily see that never happening, so.)

[piamii]

JP joker / KS sangwoo

hi, this is my word vomit about the comparison between joaquin phoenix joker and killing stalking sangwoo because i adore both characters. they’re similar in a lot of ways but also different. similarities: -both victims of physical abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect by their families -both abused by their mothers -both exhibit what would arguably be considered “psychopathic traits” (symtpoms of Anti-Social Personality Disorder). i haven’t looked into the DSM criteria for ASPD for awhile and i’m also not really interested in trying to diagnose these two nor do i specialize in personality disorders. even so, i want to distinguish between having ASPD and exhibiting the violent traits commonly associated with ASPD in the media. there are many nuances to this distinction. if we conceptualize ASPD as a neurological inability to experience empathy, we can distinguish the receptive, passive aspects (e.g., not understanding others’ distress, not feeling the need to comfort, etc) from the “active,” more “conduct” aspects (e.g., killing animals, physically hurting sentient beings just to see what it’s like, etc). in that sense, it’s much different to simply not have empathy than to act in ways that significantly hurt others because of it. it’s indeed common for those who don’t have empathy to hurt others, but the degree to which ASPD individuals hurt others is not fixed. tl;dr not everyone with ASPD is a serial killer. so Arthur’s and Sangwoo’s development into people who callously kill others is a journey that is ripe for debate and learning in regards to the topic of the nature of ASPD. -an idiosyncratic aspect: i fell in love with the storytelling and richness of background history of both characters but i didn’t particularly LIKE either of them as a person. -both of the stories don’t address how either character got to the current stage of their life (did arthur just drift until he found his clown job? did sangwoo finish school and then live alone at his house - where did he get money to sustain himself? inheritances?). obvioiusly these details arent’ vital to the plot, but i was actively curious about them  -i believe that for these two characters, severe discrete AND developmental trauma events formed the basis on which these characters developed maladaptively. i felt very deeply connected to both stories because i viewed both series from a developmental trauma perspective, which is an area that i think about and work with on a daily basis. -work-related soapbox: it breaks my heart when kids don’t have a flying chance in hell to live a decent life from a young age and furthermore have very little chance to foster and find the type of interactions that would bring slow and gradual healing to their lives. it’s a vicious cycle that feeds into itself - the more violent and fucked up shit that happens to you, the more violent and fucked up shit you do. the more violent and fucked up you get, the less you get chances to have prosocial interactions because your actions make people not want to treat you well. and as a result, you live in a world where it doesn’t seem like genuine and positive human interactions can possibly ever occur, because they have not ever, for you.  -it’s not enough for us to just UNDERSTAND arthur or sangwoo - could we have helped them enough? helpers are only human as well in that we can only crawl inside so much pain and must maintain the right emotional boundaries in order to survive and keep doing what we do. -hypothetically speaking, we could have ALWAYS helped more. that’s not the point. the point is, the way we are as a society and as individuals, would we have been able to help enough? and what is enough - no killings? (i live in the US, so i guess i’m speaking from US society perspective). the saddest part of these series is that i don’t know the answer to my own question.

differences: -sangwoo appeared to be socially functioning at a  much higher level of than arthur. social: arthur didn’t seem to pick up on many social nuances or display strong social skills other than his bright and receptive demeanor.  - it was unclear why that was: was he never exposed to appropriate social interactions in his developmentally sensitive periods? it’s possible that with a mother with Severe and Persistent Mental Illness (SPMI) that school attendance/engagement wasn’t particularly a priority, which would have significantly reduced his social exposure. his mother does not seem like she would have facilitated healthy peer interactions anyways if he did attend school. this is complete conjecture. (this could have been the case for Sangwoo too, making my point moot) -Sangwoo’s mom definitely had some issues, but we aren’t sure what they are, while we at least know that Arthur’s mom received diagnoses by the forensic system (Schizophrenia and Narcissistic PD, if I remember correctly). as a person who works in the field, i don’t take diagnoses at face value without further consultation/records/personal assessment, especially Personality Disorders. but i’m inclined to believe that Arthur’s mom was psychotic- there’s likely going to be less diagnostic ambiguity/differentials to consider when someone is experiencing psychosis. -unlike sangwoo, we got to see how arthur became joker; in contrast, we saw how sangwoo’s shitstorm, significant turning points of the in between, and the psychopathic result - we never got to WATCH the moments of internal shift for sangwoo (think refrigerator scene, bathroom dancing scene, getting fired from his job, finding out that his coworker fucked him over). - which begs the question: WERE there discrete points of internal shift for sangwoo? the even bigger question - are there always/usually discrete points of internal shift for serial killers? put in another way, if they had gotten help earlier, would they have killed people? i think we can make educated guesses in both cases that if they had come from loving and attentive families that they likely wouldn’t have become serial killers - we see clear links between their traumas and their violent behavior, even if it’s not completely clear why. but HOW much earlier? -furthermore, i think arthur’s lack of social skills fed into how his transformation played out (vs sangwoo). this view will become clear as i rant more but just hold on we’re going home - i felt angry at society for letting down Arthur, while i only felt a pervasive sense of sadness towards Sangwoo’s mom for letting down Sangwoo. i say this because this guided my very different reactions to these two characters when they started killing people -we don’t know when sangwoo started acting with Callous-Unemotional (CU) traits, but we DO know when arthur did. there were many turning points throughout the movie, some small and some big. the first big one that immediately comes into my head is the subway shooting and subsequent bathroom dance.  Lol fuck im tired but i m not done yet. WIP

[everydayanth]

I’m gonna just go ahead and say a LOT of types of people have this, just at different tolerant levels according to their... well, mood for lack of a better word, though I suspect current identity is a more accurate description. 

Jake is super extroverted, but put him in an echoey room with reverberating sound, lots of people talking to him or each other, and ask him to focus on a repetitive task for a non-given amount of time and bam, he’ll run out of energy in a minute. Remove any one of those things and he could go for hours, frickin’ energizer bunny. But just one small thing, generally involving his ears, and he’s tapped out pretty fast, utterly exhausted by the time he gets home, doesn’t want to be social in any way, derives no energy from human engagement. 

For me, my overstimulation comes in, I think, doses of multitasking. When I’m trying to think about an idea, write it, thinking of another in the back of my mind, mulling my list of errands or to-dos, and trying to comprehend some media playing in the background or noisy people at the bakery, I just lose it. Not in a snapping way, but in a draining way, I get irritated and exhausted and I don’t want to do anything with anyone or alone, I lose all focus ability.

I’m glad there’s research about the idea that’s starting to become more common and understandable, but it’s still important to relate to the reality that we probably all exist on that spectrum of sensitivity, depending on our identities at that moment. Neurodivergent individuals, and maybe many introverts, will be closer to the sensitive side of overstimulation, while others might be further away. But as with any spectrum, I would wager there’s an inverse as well, I know plenty of extraverts who thrive in chaos, Jake is often one of them when his sensitivities aren’t being overstimulated. He can exist in seemingly any type of chaotic environment that is death for me, and too much non-stimulation makes him edgy and restless, a lack of stimulation gives him the same symptoms. 

I don’t think we live in an “extroverted” world, because I’ve seen plenty of extroverts struggling with the same kind of hangover - social scorn for being too energetic or wanting too much attention or pushing too hard to connect with people (not in a creepy way, just asking a sad person if they are okay, or being willing to talk about it). I think we have a misconception about what is or should be normal that no one really fits but some are better at blending into. And that, to me, is the problem. 

Where other social misconceptions and expectations have a norm that exists as a majority expectation (white privilege, classism, etc.), the personality norm is diverse, based on a whole slew of individual identities, and in every case, it is not the majority, because it does not exist and does not have power over others except through the perception of blending. A superpower among social creatures, the real thing we are judging as an “extroverted world” is an individual’s ability to blend into that expectation, gain the right amount of attention, and flatter others with charm and charisma that makes people like them and therefore do things for them. But that’s not a real person, that’s a character, how many films do we have about that exact thing. Ted Bundy was the social slap-in-the-face to the expectation so we keep making films about murderers who fit that norm - ahhh so unexpected! While The Greatest Showman used that caricature to smooth away the sharp edges of history and show a social theory of what a good guy looks like, what a deserving hero embodies - charm, talent, determination, charisma, a leader, look at this great human. There were no flaws in his pursuit, there were no questionable ethics, he’s just an extroverted man, charming, charismatic, loves his family, you want to be his friend, what a guy!

This conversation about navigating the norm as a person of [insert adjective - like introverted] identity keeps making the rounds in different spheres, and I know that it’s part of the steps to representation, that we first have to acknowledge diversity before we can treat it as the desired expectation, but when it comes to things we all share or embody that can’t be so easily put in a clear taxonomy, let alone a dichotomy of intro/extra version, I do think we need to start shifting that conversation to questioning the norm in general.

Does the world favor extroverts? No, no it does not. Extroverted girls want too much attention, they are to be mocked or desired or feared, they are always too something (often dramatic) to be judged fairly and are dismissed for that simple flaw of being too much. Extroverted men are the same but in different ways, often too friendly to get ahead or be trusted, too boisterous, too unpredictable, too something-else. It our world of false connections and internet activity, it is neither the introvert nor the extravert who wins, it is the person whose energy is self sustained, who doesn’t need peace or connection. Sometimes this is a good thing - their work embodies their goals or a mission larger than themselves which fulfills some internal gratitude, or they found a way around those social norms and found fulfilling roles that fit their personalities. But mostly, it’s a mentally unhealthy (I suppose that’s just my opinion) mindset that navigates society by adhering to the purported norms in order to get what they desire - murder sure, but also fame and fortune, stability and wealth, vengeance or recognition. The drive is not the motivation of energy or social facilitation, it is to fit an expectation of “normal” in order to “do as thou wilt” so to speak. 

Anyway, that was a long rant and I’m cutting myself off. The author of the article does briefly acknowledge a few of these ideas, but it’s still focused on the us vs them mindset when the real subject is: over or under stimulation can cause hangover like symptoms and that sucks, especially when obligated to personal responsibilities that change without notice, like work or family.

The idea that American society praises extroverts is a bit bullshit to me and the thing we actually praise as “normal” in personality is a character that doesn’t exist in anyone, and those who utilize it as a defense are often doing so in pursuit of personal gain, relying on neither introverted nor extraverted motivations. To dismantle that, we need to stop having dichotomous conversations, but start looking at the real world through that spectrum of ability, stimulation, social connection, and how we individually manage or give value to those ideas in our lives so we can stop expecting them and begin to move toward the freedom of diversity being the expectation in being uniquely ourselves. That way, the expectation is not that you fit a norm to navigate, but that you take the time to be introspective and know thyself, and then communicate that outwardly to those around you, so you know when you are being over or under stimulated, or in some cases, those who love you, who you trust, can communicate to you that this might be the case and offer the time and space to recover and get back to a healthy place.

Anyway... thanks for coming to my TED talk. 

[legendaryobservationpuppy]

The Most Effective FRESH DOG FOOD DELIVERY IMO: HEALTH AND CONVENIENCE FROM THE FARMER'S DOG

At an occasion years ago, I talked with somebody who was a quite pet-savvy person. We spoke about dog food, as well as I mentioned adding fresh veggies-- carrots, beans, peas, etc.-- to the young boys' food. She looked aghast. "I don't feed my dogs individuals food," she said. "I don't want to transform them into beggars."

OK, the habits issue apart, when she stated "people food," I could not assist yet question: Well, what is dog food made of otherwise ... food? A minimum of, shouldn't it be constructed from food, genuine food, like the kind individuals eat? If a bag of kibble states it has carrots in it, exactly how's that various from providing your dog a carrot?

The discussion seemed ridiculous to me, and now, say thanks to benefits, it's come cycle ...

THE FARMER'S DOG FOOD REVIEW

WHY FRESH DOG FOOD?

This is the large, underlying concern: Why feed your dog fresh dog food?

At the end of the day, food is food is food is food. What makes one meal different from another eventually comes down to just how it's made, right? Take the carrot example. Boiling and also steaming both prepare the carrots, however steaming protects its nutrients while steaming sheds 60% or more of the carrot's nutrients. Eating a raw carrot may not be best, either, though due to the fact that study shows that some food preparation techniques may really boost the carrot's antioxidant power. Basically, a steamed carrot is a carrot, a boiled carrot is a carrot, a raw carrot is a carrot, a dehydrated carrot extruded right into kibble form is still a carrot ... however they're not all nutritionally equivalent. I believe we can all settle on that, as well as I believe we can all concur that there's absolutely nothing grosser than a boiled carrot. (Actually, perhaps steamed asparagus is grosser?).

Anyway.

If you're mosting likely to eat food, which of course you are, and also if you're going to feed your dog food, which of course you are, wouldn't you want it to be the most nutritionally-rich food readily available? Obviously you do! We all do! And the advantage to our dogs is that they don't have to pick between, claim, a smoked poultry bust vs. drive-thru chicken nuggets because we make the decisions on their behalf. So, it stands to factor that if we know fresh food is best, as well as we're in position to make a decision the most effective food to feed our puppies, we 'd wish to go fresh, yeah?

There are a TON of fresh foods hitting the market (more on that particular in a minute), however we've found The Farmer's Dog to fit our way of living, spending plan, and Coop's belly peculiarities.

Backing up one fast action: When I wrote about The Farmer's Dog previously, we switched foods after getting the results of Cooper's allergic reaction examination. At the time, I really did not write a complete review due to the fact that I wasn't certain how handy it would be given that I was so focused on food allergic reactions. We were so pumped to find a recipe that really did not include a single allergen from Coop's list, and also while he's restricted to among the three solutions for that extremely reason, it's made measurable, obvious distinctions in his stubborn belly. I wanted to sing that from the roofs! However, SO numerous of you have actually connected with details concerns I really did not answer in that blog post that I believed I would certainly draw them together in a full evaluation nevertheless!

Note: Because I assume turning proteins is so very vital, we're still rotating in The Honest Kitchen due to the fact that 2 of the three solutions from The Farmer's Dog do include irritants on Coop's list.

The other large point is that our food manufacturing system is deeply flawed. Romaine lettuce, any person? I'm certain you've all seen the congeries as well as gobs of dog food remembers as a result of tainted active ingredients, too. Actually, there's a significant one underway as I kind this: FDA Alerts Pet Owners concerning Potentially Toxic Levels of Vitamin D in Several Dry Pet Foods.

It's critically essential to me that we're feeding Cooper a food where the active ingredients are properly sourced as well as the production is smaller range for much better quality assurance. I fully recognize that no food manufacturing system is excellent. For that, we would certainly have to expand as well as make our very own, which allowed's be straightforward, isn't taking place.

THE VERY BEST FRESH DOG FOOD DELIVERY.

I assume we can all concur that fresh food is the method to go, however that's not without a substantial list of pros vs disadvantages when it concerns pet food. It's not like you can stroll right into the produce area of your local pet store and also pick up a fresh dish, ya understand? Let's take a look at a few of the evident advantages and disadvantages of fresh dog food as well as fresh dog food delivery services:.

Price: Equal parts PRO/CON. I enter into this carefully below re: The Farmer's Dog, yet these services are definitely more costly than getting an average store bag of kibble (though there are several superior kibbles that are similar or even more costly). I do assume it's worth taking a look at the expense of health-related issues from fast food vs. wholesome foods. However you men understand me: I'm NOT somebody that says in a covering declaration kibble is bad. It's not. Although I advocate genuine, whole food, these solutions could not fit your budget plan. #noshame It's my viewpoint that The Farmer's Dog is priced at a reasonable worth. It's most definitely a stretch if you've been feeding normal kibble, however not if you've been feeding premium or, as we were, a dried alternative like The Honest Kitchen.

Packaging: PRO! Alright, you guys. You know I'm consumed with searching for green remedies to every animal care problem. Well, The Farmer's Dog can be found in recyclable packaging AND the insulation is corn starch that you liquify in your kitchen area sink! The brand is dedicated to sustainability, as well, so you can trust that their production techniques are gentler on the setting.

Website/ordering: CON. You can not see the formulas till you create an account. I feel like that's a disappointment for those people that have dogs that are SO sensitive to active ingredients that we can't choose till we see every last active ingredient.

Ease: PRO! Extra on this below, yet having the food automatically shipped is a life saver.

Small-batch manufacturing: PRO! For all the factors mentioned above. And also each packet comes identified particularly for Cooper.

THE FARMER'S DOG VS OLLIE (OR NOMNOM NOW, PETPLATE, ETC.).

Fresh food + shipment is the future, y' all.

Hopefully by now you're on board with the fresh food item, yet shipment?

OK, so I know that you're busy. I'm hectic, you're active, we're all essentially extended so thin it's difficult to maintain. Grocery store pick-up has actually changed my life! I truthfully can't stand entering into the shop-- really, grocery buying is my single most despised chore-- so buying online then driving over and having a person tons it right into my auto is, in my opinion, the best invention of my life time.

At the very least it was.

Till ... Delivery!

Distribution is the next wave of convenience foods, which is SO much better than "comfort" foods like McDonald's or microwave meals since you can pick all your very own healthy and balanced foods and have them given your doorstep. My neighbors, who have 5 youngsters, obtain their groceries provided, and also I'm certain it's altered their lives right! Well, that's just how I really feel regarding fresh food distribution for my pets. I think more people are demanding delivery for more and more things (I have 3 different apps on my phone for takeout/delivery services ...) so you can expect to see tons of fresh dog food shipment brands appear to fulfill that requirement.

After my previous article, I got a lots of inquiries regarding exactly how The Farmer's Dog compares to Ollie. Truthfully? We've never attempted Ollie. I did Google a bunch of the brand names that are currently around, and also almost everything I read placed The Farmer's Dog towards the top for convenience, expense, and also alternatives. Right here's a testimonial from a food blog site I like if you want to check out some particular contrasts.

Just How Much DOES THE FARMER'S DOG COST?

It varies. It depends on the dimension as well as age of your dog as well as his or her everyday calorie requirements. Let's say you enjoy a sedentary pug. Well, your price is going to be reduced-- and also appropriately so!-- than my high-energy, perma-pup Am Staff mix. He needs a great deal of calories in the day to stay up to date with his skittering as well as cat chasing!

That said, they do supply arrangements to do the dish as a mattress topper, which I believe would be an ahhhhhmazing means to blend whole foods right into a kibble or dehydrated diet plan in a cost-effective method.

My recommendations? Try it at 50% off as well as see. It's either going to work wonders for your dog as well as his diet plan (which I truly do think it will certainly) or it will not! But, it can't hurt to try, specifically at such a reduced cost.

ALL-TIME LOW LINE.

At the end of the day, every person wants to do what's finest for their pup. That's it. All of us do the best we can with the criteria we have. No, this isn't mosting likely to be for everyone. It might not be a square meal option for you, either, yet the topper situation might work. Or, possibly you're ready to dive into something brand-new. Everybody's doing their ideal, and as long as you're caring your pet dogs, you're doing terrific. If part of that includes attempting The Farmer's Dog fresh dog food shipment service, I would certainly enjoy to assist you start with a discount: Click below to try it for 50% off!

What rocks have I left unturned? I attempted to answer the inquiries I had obtained via email as well as DM, but in case I missed something, or if an additional question cropped up for you as you were reading this, please leave them in the remarks! I 'd love to supply as much info as feasible, and if I do not understand the solution, I'm always satisfied to connect to the business to find the right information!

[boganodawns]

i would just like to say that any au which removes restrictions from a character to allow them to reach their full power is GOOD SHIT i am a little hesitant w the huxtis bc i see a little abusive relationship business there BUT i think it is a very very very good way for mr kestis to FINALLY shirk that jedi morality bs and toss his lightsabers around like the master assassin i know in my heart that he is ok thanx i’m out of characters ily bye

LOOK I LIVE FOR MORALLY GREY CHARACTERS OK??? 

Like I love canon Cal and would not trade him for the entire galaxy but c’mon! There is so much potential there to explore the downsides of a rigid Good vs Evil view of the force, and how personal experiences shape our worldview and decisions. 

Cal has so much power at his fingertips, and he’s seen so much? Why wouldn’t I want to explore the What Ifs… of his character?

Play with us! play with us in this space!! Come play with us in this cloudy moral space!!

And you are 100% right to be hesitant. It’s not a healthy relationship by any means (To make it completely healthy and still in a canon-ish setting would require some. woobifying. which i am… okay with - in moderation- in complete aus where you’ve literally just taken base characteristics - personality, appearance - and applied A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SET OF RULES AND ENVIRONMENT to them, but if you’re keeping with everything else canon, recognize villains as…. villains? maybe? just a thought. they’re awful, recognize that.)

But I get it. One character is someone who I think a lot of people can connect to on a deep level, and feel some pretty strong emotional attachment over, while the other is, no joke, A Terrible Human Being Who Ordered The Destruction of An Entire Star System And Thinks Mass Murder in the Name of Order is Valid.

That’s not a pairing that is universally (or even really kind of) appreciated. It makes people uncomfortable, and that’s completely valid. If it upsets, you do whatever you have to, to keep your experience safe. If that means blocking all mention of a particular ship? do it!!! block creators if you have to! Don’t let anyone tell you you’re too sensitive for not wanting to seeing content that you, for whatever reason, find upsetting. your experiences and the effect they have on you, whatever form that takes, are valid.

My specific ideas of this particular AU involve the eventual balance of power, but at the beginning its very much onesided.   And its NEVER fully healthy, but I recognize that, and don’t hold it up as a romantic ideal by any stretch of the imagination.

I don’t write it to express my wants, or what i think is right. I write it to explore concepts that I know are grey or, problematic, in a way that lets me examine my assumptions, ask questions, and educate myself as I do it.

[idinink]

keto

HI THIS POST WILL CONTAIN TALK ABOUT FOOD AND FOOD PLANNING, specifically my experience with the keto thing (i deliberately don’t call it a “diet” because that word is soooo loaded) so scroll on if you don’t wanna read, i will tag it as “keto” if you wanna blacklist. THERE WILL BE NO TALK OF WEIGHT LOSS, THIS BLOG IS ANTI-DIET CULTURE, ANTI FATPHOBIA, ANTI WEIGHT-LOSS-AS-GOAL.

details under cut

So it’s been just over 6 months, and I wanted to make a list for A) personal record-keeping reasons, B) a huge “thank you” to @swolerbear as he is the main reason I tried it, and C) in case anyone else is interested.

Disclaimer: I have not been even CLOSE to staying 100% low-carb. I’ve had carby periods, sometimes lasting up to 3 days, at least once a month. I knew when I started that I wouldn’t be strict with myself and I have no regrets and will likely continue being not-very-strict at all. However, I’ve stayed about 99% off desserts, which has been surprisingly easy as I’ve always had a major sweet tooth? I dunno why it’s been so easy and I’m not questioning it for now.

The expected/hoped-for good:

Migraines reduced from 1-3 per week to 1-3 per month

Noticeably stabilized mood 

Increased energy*

The random/unexpected good:

Incredible improvement in singing voice. The past few years I truly thought I was losing my voice, but it’s totally back and I cannot express my joy and relief. Music and singing is a HUGE part of my identity and self-worth. I assume it has something to do with decreased mucus and inflammation.

Vastly improved body temperature regulation. I’ve always been cursed with hyperhydrosis (excessive sweating) and horribly icy cold hands and feet. Often at the same time. Yes, my feet would be simultaneously painfully cold and dripping sweat. Absolutely horrible and has ruined many a night’s sleep. What a relief! To sleep with warm dry bare feet under the skimming weight of a soft, clean pair of sheets -- such bliss! 

Decreased tooth sensitivity. I have the good luck of very strong and healthy teeth, but the past couple years I’ve felt twinges when drinking/eating very cold foods, which was a totally new and demoralizing experience. Now am almost back to previous levels of imperviousness! Though the memory lingers so I’ll probably never crunch away obliviously at ice cubes again...

Regular periods? What? I have never ever EVER in my LIFE had regular periods. Anything from 30 to 90 freaking days was fair game. Now I’m every 33 days, Boom. Again I say, WHAT. They are also shorter: 1 day of bad cramping then 5 days of bleeding with slowly tapering cramping (as opposed to 3-4 days cramping then 7-8 days bleeding pre-keto). I put this in the “good” because surely it must be healthier to have regular cycles, right? It will also appear in the “bad” tho, ha.

The expected bad:

keto flu at first, tho it was very mild. A tiny bit of weakness the first week,  then about 3 days of low level gut-ache. Increasing fat and electrolytes cleared it up. Zero issues since.

Increased sensitivity to carbs. They now will usually make my palms itch and I can expect some sort of mood meltdown, specifically a sudden attack of helpless despair and feelings of worthlessness. (This is going in the “bad” because it’s annoying, but obviously I was feeling these bad things before, they were just my “normal” so less noticeable.)

EXPENSIVE! Ugh. And frequently inconvenient.

Sometimes guilt-inducing. Especially bacon. I initially said “no pork” as pigs are dog-like and it’s much harder to find affordable humanely raised pork than beef/lamb/poultry/eggs/dairy. But....it’s such a valuable fat source that I’ve given in. For now. I love animals and have no “meat-drive” but all the research I did convinced me that current science A) unequivocally indicates humans are animals evolved to eat meat, and B) the agricultural complex is destroying the environment (and of course necessitates killing masses of wild animals). The evil and torturous factory farming of livestock must end. We must bring back the grasslands, populated by all its attendant wildlife PLUS herds of (humanely treated) grazing ruminants, to restore soil and ecosystem. I’m truly sorry, animals. And I thank you sincerely. But I am one of you and I deserve to eat.

The random bad:

Crazy back acne???? Idek if it’s even related but honestly it’s been CRAZY. it’s not like I’ve been working out and getting sweaty. I honestly have no fucking clue what that’s about. No uptick in facial acne...a downturn, if anything. ??????

....Regular periods. I now have periods more frequently (every 33 days as opposed to roughly every 45). The cramping doesn’t last as long, but is more intense. I did some cursory research into that, and several sources say saturated fats can increase menstrual pain, BUT it was usually attributed to inflammation from the fats, when I know I have far less inflammation in general than before. So idk.

That’s it, really? honestly feel like my body took to it like a duck to water.

**For me, “increased energy” means the ability to keep my home reasonably clean, grocery shop regularly, cook regularly, perform basic adult tasks with less dread, and not be quite as exhausted by work. I still struggle immensely with fatigue and am coming to accept that perhaps I always will. I had high hopes of socializing and exercising more (i.e. a non-zero amount) but so far that hasn’t happened. I have been able to write and paint a tiny bit more.

FINALLY, respectful questions are welcome, BUT:

im not interested in debating human carnivory or the environmental impact of livestock vs agriculture. 

weight change was not my goal but I MAY consider PRIVATELY discussing that aspect on an individual basis, if anyone is curious.

[edelgoth]

conquest matchup

@the-alpahaca hi hi!! happy new year to you too!! also, it’s good to see you back with another request <3 sorry it took me so long to get this to you; i’ve been in a bit of a writing slump hhhh (the fact i’m saying happy new year goes to show how long i’ve kept you waiting i am SO sorry jlgdfdgfklj)

also i felt that “tend to waste my life away daydreaming” and having it be more of a defect down to my gut skljdfslfk. 

also, since you wrote me such a lovely matchup (and now headcanons), i’ve made this a little longer <3 

so, i match you with...

leo!!

listen, the contrast in this relationship. the balance that contrast brings. i’m living for it. 

you’re the bubbly & friendly to leo’s calm & somber. i think you two just have such so much to offer each other? 

for example, i think leo could help you keep your scatter-brain in check. or, if that’s out of the realm of possibility, he’s just so organized & purposeful that it balances out (watch me write the word balance one too many times dslkjfd) 

but on the other hand, leo could really do with having someone who likes cheering other people up around (hell, all the nohrian siblings could dskljflfkj) someone’s gotta make him smile, and that person is you!! 

leo needs some kindness to stoke his intensity; it’s an intensity that’s developed quite naturally out of the circumstances of his birth and his upbringing. so, i think your personality would help remind him how to be kind, and he’s very grateful for it 

furthermore, you two would have a good balance when it comes to understanding & forgiving too easily vs drawing the line too harshly; i think you two could really learn from each other and come to a healthy equilibrium!! 

leo can come off as quite cold, but honestly? i reckon he’s got a bit of awkwardness too. so sometimes he finds your own awkwardness adorable (good luck getting him to admit to that, tho), and sometimes he finds it painful because it hits too close to home. idk if that made sense dkljfsdsflkj

he’d find you quite intriguing at first (probably a bit suspicious of your motives, but that’s just how he is), because of that mysterious vibe you give off; finding out that you’re actually quite kind and scatterbrained would be quite endearing to him 

furthermore, because of the sort of person he is, he can help bring you back down to earth when you’re daydreaming 

but, at the same time, he admires your creativity!! it’s something he cherishes in you, and he never wants you to lose that streak

your wish for romanticism (the most traditional sense) in the everyday may just wake something up in him? the want to see the beauty in the world around him, to find meaning; and while your romanticism has caused you some strife in the past, i think leo’s very logical, analytical and observant nature may help you unpick that?? because it’s a very precious thing to want to find that which is worth loving, but he might be able to help you do that in a way that doesn’t cause you pain (i feel like this made NO sense i’m so sorry) 

nerd that he is, he’s impressed by the fact that you’re trilingual!! (so am i dflkfjf) i can see him being interested in learning key phrases from each of your three languages 

he loves your cooking!! (it’s taking everything within me to not make a tired joke about tomatoes hhhh) i can’t remember if his opinion on sweets is stated anywhere, but you can bet he’s going to appreciate anything you make for him  

definitely a documentary guy in a modern au

leo’s very observant, which means he always has something nice to say about every outfit you put together. it’s usually about your attention to detail  

pls use your fashion skills to fix his collar i’m begging you-- 

also!! the contrast in your tastes in fashion. high art.  

leo’s an introvert himself (i think), so he’d respect your need to recharge and will give you that space. it sounds like your energy levels match quite well!! 

leo knows what it’s like to isolate himself; with a childhood like his, it’s no surprise that he tends to hide himself away in his studies. i think that’d help him identify when you just need some time alone to catch your breath, or when he should be concerned. 

because he’s had such a different upbringing (one that’s like,,, sheltered, and yet also the opposite of sheltered,,, wtf is going on in nohr) he’d offer you quite the different perspective on life and the world and our place in it 

leo would really enjoy talking about philosophy with you!! or, rather, existentialism; he doesn’t have anyone to even touch on those subjects with, so you’d end up getting the full brunt of what he’s really thinking and feeling 

it might get overwhelming at times (boy’s been through some Intense stuff), but it also means he’d be very attentive in return; he genuinely enjoys hearing you talk through your thoughts and how you’ve arrived at them 

he’d definitely be able to talk for hours and hours with you about life, and actively encourage you to share your thoughts with him!! 

in general, i think he needs someone insightful and perceptive, not only to keep up with his own mind, but to understand him 

he’d love that you’re so interested in the world and people and that you just want to know about it all; it’s a part of him that he’s pushed down after prioritizing learning just to survive 

leo can be very no-nonsense, and from one melancholic to another, that can be very helpful at the right time asjkf 

he’ll constantly be telling you that you’re smart and intelligent and he will not hear otherwise; if there’s something you’re not getting, he’s going to do his best to try and explain it to you in a different way 

he’d point out when you were being too harsh on yourself. he thinks it’s absurd that you can be so cruel to yourself when you’re so kind to him and the people around you. he just can’t wrap his head around it 

he admires your kindness in general; especially the way you... think of other people and their place in the world, if that makes sense?? the reason being that, once again, his childhood didn’t leave much space for that sort of mindset (i’ll literally pay myself to stop talking about his childhood i askjfdfldkj)

funnily enough, i feel like leo is the opposite of you when it comes to the cold/warm dichotomy; where you’re very good at taking care of people and being a good friend, you’re able to let them go when the time comes. leo strikes me as the opposite; distant and hard to reach, but gets quite attached (i’m mainly thinking of his retainers and his siblings). i wanted to say something #deep about it but i’ll go back to the fact you have great contrast yet again 

i feel like leo would be okay with the fact that you’re not super affectionate, too; he’s a bit of a romantic, but i don’t see him being big on physical affection? like of course he enjoys it, but it’s not high on his love languages. i have nothing profound to say, just thought it was of note skljffdlj

but, he’s proved time and time again that he’s capable of being quite the romantic; so, he’d be able to meet you in the middle when it comes to finding a life full of romance!! 

i feel like he’s a big gesture guy, and he prefers using them to express how he feels over words

he’s very good at complimenting you (especially if he thinks you’re being hard on yourself), but he struggles to get frank with his own feelings; so instead, expect a lot of thoughtful gifts and dates

loves your writing. is always asking if he can read it. has a particular love for your essays, just because he’s also got an analytical mind

likes getting you to brainstorm with him whenever he’s stuck on a particular problem!! he just appreciates how your mind works and it can be such a contrast to his own (i get the feeling he’s got tunnel vision), so it’s a big help!! 

he’s not very artistic himself, but he loves seeing whatever you create, be it drawings or written pieces. i feel like he’d be surprisingly good at motivating you, without making it too obvious that that was his goal?? i’ve made less and less sense the further down this matchup we go

because he struggles with his inferiority complex, i feel like leo would be quite understanding of your own insecurity. of course, he disagrees (he thinks that being a jack of all trades certainly has some benefits over specializing, like him), but he’d be able to handle it with a sensitivity and thoughtfulness beget only by someone who truly understands 

and finally, he’d be grateful that you’re good at understanding people. leo’s got a lot pent up, and i think someone like you would be the perfect partner for someone like him!! honestly, he probably needs a bit of help understanding himself (same thing could be said about the rest of the nohrian siblings tbh), and i think you’d be able to help with that 

essentially, you connect on a lot of your core traits, but there’s still a contrast which could help incur growth!! bless this couple it’s such a high tier concept 

alternate matches

kaze: a big reason i chose leo over kaze is that i think you’d have more of a intellectual connection with the former? i think your personalities would mesh quite well, as you’re both kind and thoughtful and yet also a bit stoic. there’s still a good bit of contrast, where he’s reserved and you’re quite bubbly, which’d make this pairing quite cute. the general vibe i get from this pairing is ‘uncontrollably fond’, and i really like it? regardless of if you were romantically involved or not, i think you and kaze would get along wonderfully (and would likely end up as best friends?) 

laslow: now this guy is quite different from the other two. firstly, he matches your more bubbly side, while also being prone to moments of introspection. i think laslow has a certain maturity to him in fates that’d make him a good person to rely on. but, he’s not too serious and mature, so he’s still someone you could have a lot of fun with. but, while i said he’s prone to moments of introspection, i don’t think he goes quite as,,, deeply, as you do?? i can’t see him debating philosophy, tbh. but, i think he’d still be a really good match!! leo is just better

also silas was being VERY LOUD so he’s here too, i guess 

[centralparkpawsblog]

Blue Buffalo vs Fromm

https://www.centralparkpaws.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/519Mf59Ta9L.jpg Whether you’re looking to switch up your dog’s food or not, I think it’s always a good idea to know what’s available on the dog food market.

You never know when you might discover something that could be a healthier option for your dog.

For Maggie’s sake, I like to research the companies that have the most popular dog food blends.

In today’s market, that means Blue Buffalo and Fromm are major brands to be aware of.

Check out what I’ve learned about both brands and how they compare to each other.

You’ll learn which may be better for your dog and what stands out about each company.

Fromm’s Company History

Buying quality dog food is what’s most important for every dog owner, which is why Fromm was started five generations ago by the Nieman family.

Still run by the family today, Fromm cooks grains and meats together during the baking process for all their dog food blends[1].

This makes their dog food a true blend of kibble rather than a mix of ingredients that are thrown in together at the end.

Best Sellers

The blending baking process means that Fromm has more room to experiment with different grains and meats.

These kitchen experiments have resulted in many different kinds of blends that ended up being best sellers[2]. Some consumer favorites are:

Fromm Classic Adult Dog Food

Fromm Beef Frittata Veg Recipe Dog Food

Fromm Puppy Gold Dog Food

What may help make their food popular bestsellers is how they name them.

Instead of calling a flavor by the beef or chicken that it’s made of, Fromm names their kibble like it’s all on a doggy menu.

It makes the kibble and the brand much more appealing to consumers.

Curious how Fromm stacks up against other dog food brands? Check out our comparisons between Fromm and Acana or Orijen!

Blue Buffalo’s Company History

Blue Buffalo’s history tugs at my heartstrings.

When the founding family’s dog, Blue, got sick with cancer, they decided to be more proactive with his care than just taking him for treatment.

They investigated how a dog’s nutrition can help his health and came up with a kibble blend specifically to help Blue through his diagnosis[3].

Today, they sell their BLUE Life Protection Formula to dog owners around the world, so all dogs have the chance to receive optimal nutrition.

Best Sellers

While they have many different kinds of dog food, their BLUE Life Protection Formula is the top selling dog food in the country[4]. That’s why they’ve created different versions of the formula, so every dog can try it out.

Some of their best selling products include:

BLUE Life Protection Formula Adult Chicken and Brown Rice Recipe

BLUE Wilderness Nature’s Evolutionary Diet with Chicken

BLUE Life Protection Formula Small Breed Chicken and Brown Rice Recipe

I love that there’s a protection formula blend for dogs at all life stages, so your dog can grow up on the same kind of food and enjoy the different flavors.

You can find a more in-depth review of the Blue Buffalo brand here!

Recalls

As popular as these dog brands are, recalls are inevitable.

This is especially true when massive brands have so many different kinds of food being produced at the same time. Before you buy any dog food, always check to see what kind of recalls a company has had, and how many.

As far as recalls go, this one was relatively benign!

Fromm

Fromm has a relatively clean recent history.

In 2016, they issued a recall on their Gold canned foods[5]. The canned foods were found to have levels of minerals and vitamins that were so low, dogs wouldn’t actually benefit.

They adjusted the food as needed and continued producing it.

Blue Buffalo

Blue Buffalo has had quite a few more recalls in the past six years.

They issued recalls for chunks of aluminum metal[6], traces of salmonella[7], high levels of vitamin D[8], and even mold being present in food[9]. In 2017, toxic levels of lead were also found in their wet dog food[10].

What’s Important When Choosing a Dog Food?

Now that you know more about these two brands, here are some factors you should consider before choosing what your dog will eat.

Ingredients

Dogs with sensitivities will need their ingredients to be specific to their needs.

Owners should also look for ingredients that don’t contain fillers or chemicals, which bulk up cheaper food but aren’t actually good for your dog.

If only your dog could get a job to pay for its own food instead of lazing about!

Price

Consider your long term budget for dog food.

Figure out what’s best for you, given how often you’ll have to restock.

Also, be aware that cheaper dog foods are the ones that will have the lower quality ingredients.

Availability

You don’t want to get stuck having to buy your dog’s food at a high end boutique on the other end of town for a higher price.

Make sure that whichever food you pick is available in a place that’s easy to reach or can be delivered to your home.

Taste

Your dog may be the kind to go nuts on a full bowl of food, but they should still enjoy the taste of what they’re eating.

Read reviews on each brand to see how other dogs are reacting to the food to gauge if your dog will like it or not.

You can also see if the new brand has a flavor similar to what they’re currently eating.

Brand Reliability

Dog’s can’t change food easily, because their stomachs can get very upset if that happens too quickly.

They’ll probably stick with their food for a while, so make sure you can rely on whichever brand you buy from for quality food in the long term.

Comparison of Fromm vs Blue Buffalo

So how do these two brands compare to each other? Read on to find out some key factors about each of their products.

Ingredients

  Winner: Tie   

Both companies say they use only the best ingredients, but is that true? A closer look at the ingredients list will tell.

One of Fromm’s best sellers (Gold Adult Small Breed) lists duck as their first ingredient, which is great.

That means that’s what makes up most of the food. However, their second ingredient is “chicken meal,”[11] which is basically an all-natural filler that’s created by grinding up chicken flesh and skin[12].

Blue Buffalo has almost the exact same issue.

They have many recognizable ingredients[13] in their best selling blend, but their second ingredient is “chicken meal.”

Again, it’s different than the traditional by-product meal filler, but it’s surprising to see these quality brands not have at least a few more whole ingredients first.

Price/Value

  Winner: Fromm   

Some of Fromm’s fancier offerings are more expensive, though

Blue Buffalo, while being a major player in the quality dog food world, adds up to about $2 per pound.

That’s pretty standard, which means they’re actively trying to feed dogs healthy food at prices that many owners can afford.

Fromm is even more affordable. Their bags average $1.67 per pound.

This could be the better option for dog owners on a tighter budget, while still avoiding all the traditional chemicals and fillers in other mainstream brands.

Availability

  Winner: Blue Buffalo   

This wolf has stared at me from many different stores

Both brands are available online, so it’ll be easy to order a bag and have it shipped to your home no matter which brand you prefer.

If you’d rather pick up your dog’s food in person, it’ll be easier to find Blue Buffalo.

Fromm is more likely to be found at specialty pet stores, instead of the major chain brands where most dog owners shop.

Also, while you can find both Fromm and Blue Buffalo on Amazon, you can find only Blue Buffalo on Chewy.

Taste

  Winner: Tie   

There are many posts online that say dogs enjoy the taste of both Blue Buffalo and Fromm.

You’ll have to let your dog try them out too.

Stick with the same flavor they enjoy now and try to buy the smallest bag possible at first, in case your dog doesn’t enjoy the brand you get.

Brand Reliability

  Winner: Fromm   

Blue Buffalo has had many more recalls on their dog food than Fromm, which would make me trust Fromm more.

The longer a brand can go without a recall, the more comfortable I feel about buying their dog food.

Overall Winner

  Winner: Fromm   

After comparing these two brands, Fromm is the winner for me.

It’s more budget friendly and the company rarely has recalls.

That’s more important to me than going to a specialty pet store to purchase a bag in person, although depending on where you live, that could be the deciding factor for you.

Weigh the options that these brands present to figure out which one is better for your dog.

You’ll be able to make a decision that you know is researched, so your dog will be eating the best food possible.

Resources

https://frommfamily.com/about/our-history/

https://www.gofromm.com/dog-food-best-sellers

https://bluebuffalo.com/why-choose-blue/blue-story/

https://www.wsj.com/articles/meet-blue-founder-of-americas-top-natural-pet-food-brand-1519416803

https://www.seattletimes.com/life/pets/fromm-recalls-some-of-its-canned-dog-food/

https://www.consumeraffairs.com/news/index/2017/03/

https://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2018/02/24/FDA-issues-2-more-pet-food-recalls-listeria-salmonella-found/5171519499067/

https://news.vin.com/vinnews.aspx?articleId=51391

https://www.seviernewsmessenger.com/2016/05/31/blue-buffalo-dry-dog-food-recall/

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/does-blue-buffalo-contain-toxic-levels-lead/

https://frommfamily.com/products/dog/classic/dry/adult/

https://www.petmd.com/dog/nutrition/evr_pet_food_for_your_pets_sake

https://bluebuffalo.com/natural-dog-food/healthy-holistic-blue-life-protection-formula/dry-food/lpf-adult-chicken-and-brown-rice-recipe/

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