#i just love linda mothering her kids and having a happy marriage

[atakeflight]

i do love romantic ships, but recently i've just really enjoyed writing platonic dynamics like siblings having each others backs and moms ... being motherly. does anyone want any platonic dynamics?

[zoeyslament]

linda is a lesbian and i can PROVE IT

We know about the abuse Linda had to endure, with her father always belittling and insulting her and never actually caring about her. He doesn't take her seriously, doesn't listen to her, doesn't bond with her.

Linda grew up just wanting her father to love her, which reflects in her deep desire to be "adored" she develops in later stages of her life after (probably subconsciously) realizing that her father was never going to be the one she wished for him to be, the one she needed him to be.

She continuously cheats on her husband (who *surprise surprise* doesn't seem to be enough for her), going so far as to get pregnant by two other men, which was confirmed by Wilbur Cross in Black Friday. Heck, she becomes the leader of a cult dedicated to an ancient, dark god, only because of her desire to be acknowledged, to be loved. She kills a man and is ready to doom humanity as long as she's adored.

But she never quite finds what she's searching for.

Her marriage with Gerald, her affairs, even the cult aren't enough. Or rather, they're not what she actually wants or needs.

Maybe Linda Monroe has never felt loved or loved enough by her husband and affairs because her relationships with them are only desperate attempts to recreate something she thinks she can never have.

Maybe Linda Monroe thinks that if she just wins enough pageants, satisfies enough men, has enough money, sails on enough boats and impresses enough people, she'll be fulfilled without ever actually having to acknowledge that she is a lesbian.

That she is not who every woman in Hatchetfield wants to be and whom every man in Hatchetfield wants to be with. But that she is a disappointment to her family and that she is disgusting, a mistake, a reject, unfit to be a mother, unable to be loved by her father. That it is her own fault he didn't love her.

Think about it. Linda's dad, the old capitalist guy who rewarded his underage grandson for reading a Playboy magazine with money. I mean, this guy's the cliché bigoted uncle at any family party. He's not gonna be happy about his kids of grandkids being gay.

When Linda was young, she couldn't even realize her weird feelings for girls because she was always taught it was wrong.

So, raised without love and any kind of example of a healthy relationship in her life, she becomes the Linda Monroe we all know today - unfulfilled, dissatisfied, unhappy. A typical 'mean girl' who brings other people, especially women, down because if she doesn't get to be happy, why should anyone else?

And without wanting to romanticize the canon relationship between them in the slightest, I also believe this explains her relationship with Becky Barnes. The nurse that everyone loves and everyone is kind to without her having to bribe or threaten them.

I believe Linda has feelings for her.

Linda revels in knowing Becky has suffered through abuse because she not only thinks that she deserves happiness more than Becky does, more than anyone does, but believes (or rather wants to believe) that it's Becky's fault she's attracted to her, a woman, that it's Becky's fault she's in love with her, a woman, and that it's Becky's fault her true self is not who she desperately wants it to be.

Whether she would actually date Becky in another life or just chose her as the first best scapegoat is up to each individual viewer to interpret.

Really, it's an "I hate you for making me feel things" situation but it's not a silly, endearing text from your partner but what Linda sobs in front of the bathroom mirror at 2am with shards of glass from a broken bottle of wine on the floor and mascara running down her face while thinking about Becky Barnes because she will never be happy, she will never be enough and she will never be herself.

OOOOUGH YOUVE DONE IT AGAIN

MY HEART

MY LITTLE HEART

im sobbing shes so, hsessss

i never even liked linda that much until meeting you and now she justt. It meansSSS a lot OKOK.

so me </3

[lindalung]

Meet the Lungs: TVB’s Very Own Roy Family

I’m not sure how many people watch both Succession and Come Home Love: Lo and Behold, but I wanted to write about the similarities between the Roy family and the Lung family on the respective shows. In fact, I’ve made 4 parody trailers featuring clips from Lo and Behold paired with the audio from Succession trailers, and they fit pretty damn well. (See below)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVCL2G43zbk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDacsg3rnGA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_brbg6kLDu4&ab_channel=lotuspond

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMFx2EFAccI&ab_channel=lotuspond

At first glance, it is pretty easy to spot the striking similarities between the two families. The Roys have Waystar Royco, the fictional American media conglomerate powerhouse, while the Lungs have Zip Lung, a company that started out as the Wai Lung Department Store, and now has ventures in practically every industry. Both companies are spearheaded by the paternal figure, Logan Roy (Brian Cox) and Lung Kam Wai (Law Lok Lam) respectively. Even their family names are meant to reflect power — Roy, deriving from “Roi” meaning “King”, and Lung, meaning Dragon, the symbol of imperial power in Chinese culture.

While the Roy children and the Lung children aren’t exact equivalents of each other in terms of birth order, the core three (if you don’t count the Connor Roy (Alan Ruck), who has a different mother than the other Roy kids)— Kendall (Jeremy Strong), Roman (Kieran Culkin), and Siobhan aka “Shiv”  (Sarah Snook) can be compared to Max (Hoffman Cheng), King Fung aka “Fung Siu” (Andrew Chan), and Linda (Mandy Lam). There is also the difference wherein the Lung siblings have different mothers, and therefore come from competing “Chambers”, but the comparison still stands nonetheless. They also have similar characteristics as the narcissistic and power-hungry son who desperately wants to inherit his father’s position at the company, but in reality, lacks the skill underneath. Roman may not actually be the youngest sibling, but he exudes the energy of the youngest child. He is the comedic relief with a lack of interest in taking over the company compared to the other siblings, and is actually suffering beneath the jokes and happy go lucky attitude, just like Fung Siu. Lastly, although Shiv isn’t the eldest daughter like Linda, being a woman with great leadership qualities yet the only daughter in the men’s business makes them both targets of misogyny. Both fathers also have a history of treating their wives (plural) and women in their lives poorly. Though Linda has a younger sister Vivian (Katherine Ho), she’s both written out of the show and was never interested in the family business. All three children in both shows crave their father’s approval and validation more than anything, due to the lack of love received from him growing up. In both cases, their father loved the company more than they loved them, which is why they want to become CEO so badly.

(Side note: I’ve written about Linda and her father’s relationship previously https://medium.com/@doneforme/daddy-issues-face-and-filial-piety-in-come-home-love-lo-and-behold-42014bbaeaf ).

Shiv and Logan’s relationship reminds me of Linda and her dad, though perhaps there is more genuine love between the latter due to the nature of the sitcom. Still, every time I watch a scene in Succession where Shiv feels powerless as she seeks attention from her dad, or gets ignored or belittled as the only woman in the room, I can’t help but be reminded of Linda. Both Shiv and Linda have to fight their way to the top, to prove that they are just as, if not more capable than their brothers. Linda and her husband Sung Shui Fai (Jack Hui) aren’t exactly the “fail marriage” trope like Shiv and Tom Wambsgans (Matthew Macfayden), but there are still some similarities especially early on in the relationship. Tom and Fai both come from lower status backgrounds, and marry into a powerful and rich family, where their wives have more success than them (at least in the beginning for Tom). Both men are frequently seen as accessories of their wives rather than their own person. Fai dips into his darker side briefly, but ultimately Fai and Linda’s genuine love is far less toxic than what Tom and Shiv have going on. Fai would do anything for approval from Linda’s father, but his goal is to be accepted into the family so he can marry Linda, not so he can gain the position of CEO. On the other hand, Shiv had a career in politics and initially didn’t want to get into the family business, whereas Linda was vying for a leading position at Zip Lung since birth. In the final season, Shiv also feels trapped in her unexpected role as a mother, something that she did not ask for. There, Shiv being reduced to a daughter, a wife, and now a mother, is the show’s way of showcasing the misogyny against her. The lighthearted sitcom is different, portraying Linda as a caring and willing stepmother to Fai’s young son Philip (Dylan Leung).

Succession asks the question of whether the cycle of generational trauma and toxicity can be broken. Even after Logan’s death, the siblings are still haunted by his looming presence, afraid that he’s still upset with them for every move they make. They’re so afraid of becoming their father, whether as a leader or as a parent. In the end of Succession, Tom becomes CEO of Waystar, and Shiv is merely the one next to him. Linda always assumes that her chances of being successor to Zip Lung are slim due to her gender, because her father has always favoured sons over daughters. While Lo and Behold hasn’t reached that point in the storyline (yet), there’s no telling what may happen to the future of Zip Lung. Fai may be the Head of the Restaurants department, but I could not see him leading Zip Lung. Of course, there is no telling what will happen and I guess we will have to wait and see…

[evita-shelby]

Cursed

An Au where Grace never gets shot, Charlie is someone else's kid, Tommy is as shitty as a husband as he is in canon (a man with three girlfriends who don't know about each other as he dates them at the same time isn't likely to be monogamous after marriage even if he did love his wife)

Part two

Much like Eight Pounds, this will be a two part story with no happy ending

Gif by @kaq-4

Cw: mentions of suicide,cheating, murder, blood and ghosts

They were happy the first few months.

She tries to be the wife she was with Clive, she tries to be the mother her was, but it doesn’t work.

He isn’t happy with her no matter how much he lies and tells her otherwise.

“Did you think Karma wouldn’t find you?” Clive mocks her as she sees the looks and the touches going on between her husband and the Russian Duchess.

“You killed me, Grace, me, the only man who wanted you as you were. Have fun being the frigid wife and the piss poor mother, love.” The ghost laughed at her pain.

“Tell me, Gracie dear, does Tommy Shelby know your bastard is not his, or even mine? You’re gonna join me when he finds out that Charlie is the seed of my best friend and my best man at our wedding, Jack.”

“Mrs. Shelby, I was just telling Thomas how great you look with my sapphire on your neck.” Tatiana says with a sickeningly sweet voice.

She talked as of Thomas was hers and she’d just loaned him to Grace for the moment.

It hurts, hurts more when she sees Tommy is annoyed that she’d come and join the conversation.

“The sapphire was part of the payment for his services.” The innuendo isn’t lost on her.

He is fucking her; Clive laughs at her from behind. The Russian aristocrat. Do you think the man who was fucking the whore and the horse trainer while fucking you was going to be loyal to you?

You shouldn’t have come back; a voice tells Grace. Could’ve been happy with Charles in New York.

Weeks turns to months and when her husband is shot in the head, Grace finds out that Lizzie Stark knows all the codes and is to be the one who runs the company with Michael and Polly while he is ill.

He trusts a prostitute more than he will ever trust you, a voice tells her.

“I love you, Grace, but you wouldn’t be able to handle all of it. I can barely keep my head out of the water on a normal workday.” he says when she asks him why he hadn’t allowed her to step in and help.

“Did you think he was going to trust you after what you did?” Clive appears over her shoulder as she tries to help Tommy only to have the office door shut to her face.

So, Grace devotes her time to charity and Charles who is starting to take after his real father, Jack Nelson, each day.

Jack had been her comfort in New York, he had reminded her so much of Tommy that she began an affair with him. An affair that she continued when he followed her to London and his wife none the wiser.

Same Jack that had been Clive’s best friend since they were both children in Scituate, Massachusetts. They were like brothers, and it had been knowing that Grace had been fucking Jack for the past two years what drove Clive to his death.

She had felt confident that Tommy was the father of her son, but Tommy had been careful each time because of his distrust of her. Jack did not care, Jack had six children with his wife and more with the women he frequents.

Charles Shelby was his ninth child out of wedlock.

Something Grace will take to her grave.

At the opening of her charity, she is distracted by the gossip she hears while she is in the powder room.

“My cousin thinks no one knows she lied to Thomas. Everyone can see the boy doesn’t look like him. He suspects, his aunt told Michael who asked me if Grace had been with other men aside from poor old boring Clive.” Charlotte tells Linda, same Linda Shelby who has a bone to pick with her.

Linda had taken the female workers on strike with Polly’s permission two weeks after Tatiana Petrovna let everyone know the sapphire Grace had worn had been in her cunt, just like Tommy.

“We weren’t going to ask you for permission, we know what you think about people like us.” Arthur’s wife had said as she stood her ground. “You think that because he married you, we would forgive you, but the people of Small Heath will never fucking forgive the cruel bitch who set the coppers on Freddie Thorne the night his son was born.”

“She was seeing this man named Jack, oh he was so good looking, just like Tommy. You know, dangerous gangster type. He was in London too when Clive died, his wife, Rose said the men had argued the evening before. Something about a great betrayal, but Rosie Nelson won’t say anything.” Charlotte goes on and Grace is forced to hide in the stall until they leave.

If Linda knows, if Polly Knows, then Thomas will find out.

So, the Irish woman races against time, praying that Linda won’t open her bloody mouth before she gets there.

And because she was too busy covering up her sin, the Catholic Irish Priest takes her boy.

Grace cannot breathe, the room spins as the cacophony grows louder and the flashing of the cameras make her see Clive hanging from a noose every time she closed her eyes.

“Did you think Karma wouldn’t find you?” the dead man says as the world turns black.

Charles is to be returned to her by Michael.

Tommy refused to allow her to help after he caught her telephoning the police.

“They won’t help us; you are their enemy now.” Lizzie tells her as they hide out in Tommy’s Digbeth office.

Home isn’t safe.

Until the job is done, they are to stay at 6 Watery Lane.

It could be between a day or a week.

That is all Tommy tells her before leaving her with Lizzie Stark who knows Tommy better than Grace ever will.

“I could’ve gone with Michael and saved my boy.” She tells the tall green-eyed woman who only looks at her with pity.

Her lover, some Italian named Angel, had been killed and yet, Lizzie Stark looks at Grace Shelby with pity.

“He wouldn’t have let you. Tommy doesn’t want you involved, he said you agreed to that when you got married. You’re his wife, just that.” The whore turned secretary shakes her head.

“Imagine when he finds out that baby boy is some other man’s bastard.” Clive whispers as noon turns to evening and evening into midnight.

If you give me my son back, I will tell Tommy the truth. She swears to who ever is out there.

Its nearly dawn when Michael brings her baby boy hidden inside his bloody coat.

Tommy shows up hours later, having braved a tunnel for the son that isn’t his.

It’s then she knows he can never know.

When the police break into the house and takes his family away, Grace knows that a deal is a deal.

“You’re not the father, Grace fucked another man in London while she was fucking you on the side! Charlie’s real father is a married man named Jack!” Linda shouts at Tommy as she fights for Arthur with all the strength she has.

“I can explain, Thomas.”

And so, she does. Grace comes clean as they watch his family be punished for job, she never will know the details of.

[storiesforallfandoms]

save a seat ~ yelena belova x clint barton;marvel

word count: 2067

request?: yes!

“Could you write a Yelena and Clint fluff where they’re getting married and left a seat for Natasha at the ceremony”

description: on the best day of their lives, they decide to leave a seat for the one person they wish could be there

pairing: yelena belova x clint barton

warnings: swearing, mentions of death

masterlist (one, two)

The last thing either of them expected was a marriage. Especially since the first time they met, Yelena was trying to kill Clint while he was trying to get home to his wife and kids.

But life is unexpected.

Shortly after their first meeting, Clint and Linda decided to separate. Clint was visiting Kate to tell her about the separation when Yelena walked in. The former assassin had grown close with the new Hawkeye and found herself spending most of her time at Kate’s place.

“Why is he all sad?” Yelena asked, gesturing to Clint.

“He has a name,” Clint responded. “And it’s none of your business.”

“Come on, Clint, it’s not that serious,” Kate said. To Yelena, she added, “He and his wife are separating.”

“Oh.” Yelena was shocked to find that she actually kind of felt bad for Clint. “I’m so sorry.”

Clint shrugged. “It’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

It was a short conversation and neither of them expected it to lead to a relationship within a few months, or a marriage a year and a half later.

On the special day, Yelena was stood looking at herself in a full length mirror as Melina fussed over her dress. Her small bridal party consisted of Melina, Kate, and Clint’s daughter, Lila, while Clint’s consisted of his sons, Cooper and Nathaniel, and one of few friends of his who wasn’t an Avenger or a former S.H.I.E.L.D agent.

Yelena could hardly believe the person in the mirror was her. She spent her entire life as a weapon for someone else. She was lied to, tortured, mind controlled. She wasn’t someone who could get married. She wasn’t someone who could be loved.

Now, not only was she getting married, but she was marrying a man with children. She was going to be a mother - or rather, a step-mother. Another thing she could only dream of.

“The dress is fine, Melina,” Yelena told her mother figure. “You are going to make it a mess.”

“I’m just making sure,” Melina said. “I want everything to be perfect on your special day.”

“Everything is perfect,” Yelena assured her. “You are here, Alexei is walking me down the aisle, I look beautiful in the dress we picked and the makeup Kate did for me. I can’t imagine anything else that would make today perfect.”

A thought crossed Yelena’s mind. She and Melina locked eyes through the mirror and she knew they were thinking the same thing. The one thing that would make this day truly perfect for Yelena: Natasha.

It was ironic because Natasha was the reason Clint and Yelena met. Granted, Yelena was trying to kill Clint because she was led to believe Clint had killed Natasha, but that was besides the point.

Natasha was the reason they had met and she wouldn’t even be at their wedding.

Kate stood. “No sadness. This is a wedding! It’s a day of happiness! Come on, let’s take a group photo.”

She set up her camera and the four women huddled together. Yelena smiled as the flash went off. When she looked at the picture later on, she could see the genuine happiness in her face.

Meanwhile, the guests were starting to arrive. Clint was at the end of the aisle with his Groom’s Men, welcome everyone as they came to speak to him.

He was surprised when Nick Fury walked up to him, wearing an actual, formal suit.

Fury chuckled at the look on his face. “You sent me the invite. Did you really think I wouldn’t come?”

“I’ll be honest, Yelena and I sent the invite as a joke,” Clint admitted. “I am glad to see you, though. I don’t exactly have many people to invite considering everyone I knew is...”

“Dead?” Fury finished for him.

Clint nodded.

As much as this should’ve been a happy day for him, Clint could only feel bittersweet. Yes, he was very happy and excited to marry Yelena. He loved her with all of his heart and he couldn’t wait to be with her for the rest of his life. However, when it came to planning the wedding and deciding who to invite, Clint finally realized how many people he had lost in his life. Tony, Steve, Natasha. Thor wasn’t dead, but Clint had no way to reach him on Asgard. Bruce was the only original Avenger left and one of very few people Clint had to invite to the wedding.

“There’s a hard price to pay for what we do,” Fury said. “And it’s times like this we truly realize that.”

Clint nodded again, unable to speak.

“I am glad you invited me, though,” Fury said. “Maria and I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.”

Clint gave Fury a knowing look. “Maria, huh? I don’t remember sending her a personal invite.”

Fury smiled, a rare occurrence for the former S.H.I.E.L.D director. “She’s my plus one.”

Clint smiled back at him. “Congrats then.”

“I think I’m the one who should be saying that to you.”

Fury took his seat next to Maria Hill, who also surprised Clint by wearing a beautiful black dress. He had never seen his former colleagues dressed in such formal wear before.

When all of the guests arrived and were seated, Clint felt himself becoming nervous. It was almost time for Yelena to walk down the aisle and to finally, officially, become his wife.

Back in the Bridal room, a knock came at the door as each of the women were taking some more pictures on Kate’s camera. Melina called for whoever it was to come in, and the door opened to reveal Yelena’s father figure.

“It is time, honey,” he told Yelena.

Her heart began to race as she realized what this meant.

Melina kissed her daughter’s cheek as she, Kate, and Lila went to take their places. It was just Alexei and Yelena left. Alexei looked over his youngest girl, dressed in white on her wedding day and Yelena was almost certain he was going to start crying.

“You look beautiful,” he told her.

She smiled at him. “Thank you, Alexei.”

He offered her his arm and she took it, ready to step into the next chapter of her life.

The pianist began to play the song Clint and Yelena had chosen for her walk down the aisle. The guests stood and turned towards the beginning of the aisle, where Nathaniel was stood holding a pillow with the wedding rings. He walked down the aisle first, joining Clint and his Groom’s Men. Lila followed, acting as the flower girl, followed by Melina. The Russian woman smiled at Clint and he smiled back at her.

Then, Alexei and Yelena appeared. Yelena clutched Alexei’s arm, praying that she wouldn’t fall as she walked down the aisle. She hadn’t worn heels before, especially not ones where the heel was so small. She cursed Melina and Kate for going against her original decision to just wear her boots under the dress.

The two former assassins slowly made their way down the aisle. All eyes were on Yelena, but her eyes were on Clint. She could see his eyes starting to mist with tears and she had to try and stop herself from crying as well as to not ruin her makeup.

When she got to the end of the aisle, Clint stepped forward to do the symbolic gesture of taking the bride from her father. Yelena let go of Alexei’s arm, but turned to kiss him on the cheek before going to Clint.

“Thank you,” she whispered to him.

As she expected, Alexei was crying as well. “If he hurts you, he’s dead.”

Yelena let out a laugh before taking Clint’s arm and joining him at the alter. Their officiate told everyone they could be seated, and that’s when Yelena turned and glanced the empty seat in the front row.

When planning their wedding, there was one person that both Clint and Yelena had wanted to be there that couldn’t. When talking about it with Kate, she suggested leaving an empty seat in the front row, a symbolic spot for the one special guest that they couldn’t have there.

They had chosen the seat next to Alexei, which was where Yelena figured Natasha would’ve sat if she was there. They had a sign on the chair that said “Reserved” and a picture of Natasha below the sign. She was front and center, smiling at her best friend and her sister, like she was supposed to be.

Yelena felt another tug at her heart as she continued to gaze at the seat. She wished more than anything that Natasha could actually be there. That her adopted family could be whole on the most important day of her life.

“Yelena?” Clint said, softly.

She snapped out of her trance and turned back to Clint. “Yes, sorry.”

“It’s okay. I understand.”

It was a loss they had both experienced, which made things a bit easier for the two of them at least.

The official wedding things started then, with the officiate talking about the importance of marriage, having their witnesses sign the official documents, so on and so on. Yelena was almost excited to get to the vows since that meant the ceremony part was almost over. As excited as she was to be married, she really just wanted to get to the reception.

They decided to go with the traditional vows where the officiate would speak and Clint and Yelena would repeat after him. Yelena went first, vowing to love and cherish Clint in sickness and health till death do them part.

“Do you also vow not to kill me again?” Clint joked as he started to slide the ring on Yelena’s finger.

Yelena chuckled and responded, “No promises.”

“I’ll take that.”

Clint went next, making the same promise to love Yelena until he died. She had no snappy comeback as he had. She was too emotional at this point to even try to speak without the fear of the dam finally breaking.

“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”

Clint took Yelena’s face in his hands and pulled her in for a kiss. The audience cheered for the newly wed couple, however they were so lost in one another that they could barley hear them.

Clint took Yelena’s hand and they walked out of the ceremony, their guests following closely behind. They waited for a few minutes, greeting everyone and thanking them for coming, before getting into the limo they had arranged to take them to the reception. As they sat together, alone, waiting for their respective parties to show up, Clint kissed Yelena again.

“I’m so happy,” she said when they pulled away.

“I am, too,” he said.

“I never thought I would be married. This all feels like a dream.”

“Well, I promise not to wake you up then.”

They both chuckled. Yelena held Clint’s hand, running her thumb over his new wedding ring. It was so shiny, like her own. So new. So perfect.

“I could feel her there,” she told Clint. “I know that sounds crazy, but I swear I felt Natasha there with us.”

“That’s not crazy. I could feel her there, too. I had a dream about her last night, actually.”

Yelena looked at her new husband with curiosity. “What happened in the dream?”

“We were at the reception hall, but no one else was there just me and her. I was sat at that long table where the bride and groom and their parties sit, and she just walked up to me. She leaned on the table and looked down at me and she said, Clint, you know I love you, but if you hurt my sister I will put you through the worst hell imaginable.”

Yelena started to laugh, which led to Clint laughing as well.

“Of course she did! Even beyond the grave she is threatening you,” Yelena laughed. “A big sister even in death.”

“I’d believe her, too. She’d probably come back and haunt me, or when I die she’d throw me off of a cloud repeatedly.”

“I guess you’ll just have to make sure you won’t hurt me then.”

Clint cupped Yelena’s chin and leaned forward to kiss her gently. “I could never dream of hurting you.”

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

I read an interview where Linda said she loved Paul but if he didnt treat her right she'd take the kids and leave and she also screamed at him to ne a man when he was in his depression slump. I think there's an idea that Paul walked all over her but that interview made me rethink. She's a lot tougher I reckon. I feel like Paul had no choice but to get his act together cause she would have left him in the dust if he didnt shape up.

*I should preface this by saying that im not the most knowledgeable when it comes to Linda and Pauls relationship - I know quite a bit about it, but this will definitely be one of my less informed takes.*

I tend to lean towards this belief too - though nothings cemented for me regarding my opinions on Paul and Lindas relationship, because I feel its quite difficult to gain a real insight into it. But it seems like Linda wasn’t the helpless figure that some people might view her as, to some degree.

I think that Paul was attracted to that independence Linda had about her; I guess if you wanted to get a little Freudian you could link it back to his mother, Mary, because she was effectively the breadwinner of the family. But even straying away from that, you can see that Linda wasn’t necessarily the most conventional woman. She didn’t wear makeup often, she didn’t shave her legs, she was a single mother, and she had established her own career. She was really just sort of doing her own thing (good for her!) and I remember Stella saying in an interview that she really admired how her mother was married to one of the most famous rockstars on the planet, and she rarely ever wore makeup. Linda was definitely a bit of bad bitch!

I think if Paul had expected just a broad, generic “wife” figure who he could just treat however he wanted too, he would not have got with Linda, because Linda just wasn’t that. It appears to me that Lindas self-assurance and independence is what perhaps attracted him to her in the first place. So personally I don’t really buy into the idea of Linda being helpless or anything - though from what ive read from other peoples blogs, I think the majority of people recognise her as a pretty independent figure.

Then again though, I think she’s only human - and so she probably did make sacrifices to her career in favour of her relationship, because whilst she was a really strong and independent personality, everybody will at some point falter, favouring another persons wants over their own. Thats just how relationships work really. But I think if there was something she really didn’t want to do, she probably just wouldn’t have done it; maybe im being idealistic here, but I think that if she really did not want to tour with Wings, I think she just wouldn’t have. I know some people might say she only toured with Wings to ensure Paul wasn’t cheating on her and to keep the family together, but I dunno, I think largely it was that she (and Paul) wanted a real family unit, and that meant keeping their family together, not just in a physical sense, but also in an emotional one too. (That last line was so corny, sorry!)

Overall, for all their faults, I think that they had a pretty healthy marriage. Ive made this point a few different times, but ill make it again: that Paul and Lindas children have grown up to be, from what I can tell, pretty mentally and emotionally stable and strong people, I personally think is a sign that they Paul and Linda were good parents; and a healthy and happy marriage is I think a vital role in good parenting (of course though, that is not to say single parents cant be good parents or anything - only that if you’re parents are gonna stay married, it is crucial they cooperate and aren’t bitter and resentful to one another, to provide a loving environment for their children)

So yeah - bit off topic (but we know im incapable of staying on topic lol) but yeah. I don’t think they had a fairytale ending or anything, but to me it appears that they had a happy and healthy marriage, albeit still an imperfect one. Pauls co-dependency and search for a maternal figure is still problematic, and im sure that there are other issues surrounding their marriage. But I guess everybody has baggage, so I dunno.

[charlieconwayy]

D3: The Mighty Ducks (1996) is the best Ducks movie and a flawless coming of age movie

It’s no secret that The Mighty Ducks are a beloved trilogy. The three films spawned a professional NHL team named in their honor, 2021 sequel series, as well as many knockoff films released in the 1990s. But with any movie series, fans tend to rank the films and have passionate opinions on which is the best. For most Ducks fans, the answer is simple: D2. It has the Bash Brothers, Team USA dominating, the iconic “Ducks Fly Together” scene and two Queen songs. What’s not to love? But upon a rewatch of the trilogy, I came to realize that it’s not D2, or even the original, that is the best in the series.

It’s the criminally underrated 1996 D3 that for me, is the most mature and has the most heart. Perhaps it’s that the Ducks are now old enough to carry their own weight on screen. Perhaps it’s that the film takes a look at trauma, specifically trauma in teenagers, and how that manifests itself. Perhaps it’s that the film is maybe ahead of its time, in the way it discusses classism, racism and sexism. There is so much about this overly hated film that makes it the best Ducks movie and a perfect coming of age film.

The movie starts presumably a few years following the Ducks’ win against Iceland. They all look noticeably older - definitely older than the middle schoolers we left behind in 1994 - and all of the male Ducks’ voices have dropped a few octaves. Gordon Bombay, played by Emilio Estevez, is presenting the team (except for unfortunately, Jesse Hall, a leader among the Ducks who would’ve made for a strong presence in this mature film, as well as Portman, but we’ll get to him later) with scholarships to his alma mater, Eden Hall, a preparatory high school in Minnesota. Charlie Conway, played by a young, pre-Dawson’s Creek Joshua Jackson, is the Ducks’ captain and unspoken leader. There’s been much debate over the years over whether or not Charlie is the true captain of the Ducks. Adam Banks, played by Vincent Larusso, is far and away better than practically every Duck combined. Fulton Reed, played by Elden Henson, has shown more maturity and leadership at this point. It’s probably true that the Ducks as a team think that Charlie is Captain because of Bombay’s favoritism towards him (and his mother), but I think that this film makes it abundantly clear why Charlie is the captain. 

D3 is Charlie’s story. We see that in the opening scene, when Bombay tells Charlie he will not be following the team to Eden Hall, accepting a job instead in California. We learned in the original Mighty Ducks film, that Charlie and his mother left a bad situation in Charlie’s father when Charlie was very young. We also hear about Charlie’s mother, Casey’s marriage to a new man in the D2, who we can assume from what Jan says, that Charlie doesn’t like. We see in that first film, Charlie’s reaction to Bombay announcing that he is leaving the Ducks after the two of them have formed a bond. It is very clear that Charlie deals with abandonment issues, stemming from trauma in his early childhood. Charlie freaks out when a D3 Bombay announces the same thing, and storms off. 

Change is the biggest theme in D3. We see how change affects each of the Ducks, even those who don’t get many lines. Some, like Russ Tyler, played by SNL’s Kenan Thompson, think it’s a good thing. All of the Ducks don’t come from good neighborhoods and we assume that most of them don’t have the best home lives, especially when Charlie tells their new coach, Orion, played by Jeffrey Nordling, that the Ducks are the only good thing that any of them have had. Going to a preparatory school should be a good thing for them. But for most of them, it’s not. The new Ducks (who by the way, three of which are people of color, and one of which, is a woman) are immediately told that “their kind” is not welcome at Eden Hall. The Varsity team claim that they feel this way because the captain’s younger brother was not admitted onto the JV team because of the Ducks’ scholarships, but it’s very clear what they really mean. Russ commented that he’s the only black person on the whole campus earlier, and he, Luis Mendoza (The Sandlot’s Mike Vitar) and Ken Wu (Justin Wong) are the only people of color we see in the film. Change takes a toll on each member of the team. We see it the most in Charlie, but we also hear from Fulton on how the separation from his best friend, Dean Portman (Aaron Lohr), who decided not to enroll at Eden Hall, is taking a toll on him. Connie (Margerite Moreau) and Guy (Garrette Henson) have presumably broken up, as the two small scenes we get of them, they are arguing. It’s a transition period, one that the first year of high school often is. But it’s also a look on how a rich, white privileged world is vastly different than the one that the Ducks are used to. 

Coach Orion seems like a hardass, especially when he tells Charlie at their first practice that he will no longer be “Captain Duck” (as coined by D2’s Gunnar Stahl, played by Scott Whyte, who now plays the level-headed Varsity goalie Scooter). This, to the Ducks, is a line in the sand. Ever since Bombay turned District 5 into the Ducks four years previous, Charlie has been their captain. They’re in a whole new environment, where the man who gave them so much happiness and so many friendships isn’t, and their “little Duck tricks” won’t work anymore. Orion thinks Charlie is a showoff, and perhaps he is. This Charlie is vastly different than the sweet, shy Charlie we see in D1 and D2. But this Charlie is older, has just been abandoned by a man he considered a father, and is being harassed on a daily basis for being, as Varsity Captain Reilly puts it, “white trash.” I find it hard to believe sometimes that fans can look at Charlie from the outside, and not see who he is on the inside. All of Charlie’s closest relationships that we see portrayed in this movie, are with women. His mother (who he, as a teenage boy, says “I love you” to in the final scene of the movie), his teammates, Connie and Julie, who he gets a lot more screentime with, and with new love interest, Linda (Margot Finley).

I think now is a great time to talk about the shockingly impressive way all of the female characters are portrayed in this series, particularly this movie, especially for a 90s sports film. Connie has always been a leader on and off the ice. She’s in a relationship with Guy, but it’s not her only character trait. Dubbed “the Velvet Hammer” by Averman (Matt Doherty), she stands up for herself, and for her shy teammates (she literally shoves Peter Mark - a character cut out of D2 and D3 for good reason - in D1 when he insults Charlie) and stands up to the entire Varsity team despite them telling her that they hope they can “fight” with her later. Julie “The Cat” Gaffney (Columbe Jacobsen) is the second best player on the Ducks, despite the little ice time (thanks, Bombay) we see her have. She is the first person to tell of the Varsity, telling Captain Reilly that his little brother “just wasn’t good enough.” She’s a huge facilitator in the fire ant prank and despite the very weird and out of character game she had against the Blake Bears, shows that she deserves the number one goalie slot that Reilly gives her - despite what Goldberg, and the obvious underlying sexism there, have to say. I’ve also always been very impressed with Charlie’s mother, Casey (Heidi Kling). Although she has a romance with Bombay in D1, she makes it clear from the get go that her first priority is Charlie. We know that she took the two of them away from an abusive situation, and she’s a goddamn hero for that. Her scenes in D3 are limited, but they always show her chastising Charlie’s antics and encouraging him to stay in school. It goes unsaid, but it’s clear that she knows that he’s not going to get an education this good in the problematic public school system. But according to Linda, Charlie’s love interest, the private school system is no better. The first time we see Linda, she is protesting the “outdated” Warriors team name. This was in a 1996 kids movie, no less. She holds her own against Charlie, calling him out when he’s wrong. No one aside from Charlie, and maybe Fulton, get much screentime or lines aside from Bombay and Orion, but her presence and the point of her character is clear - not every rich person agrees with the horrible things that wealthy people do. 

Back to the plot.

When the Ducks receive their positions, they learn that Banks, as a freshman, has made Varsity. From an outside perspective, they seems obvious. Banks is the best player we see in any of the films, definitely miles better than the losers on Varsity, so it seems obvious that he would be promoted. But Banks is unhappy with this. Adam Banks is a fan favorite character, definitely due to the sweet, understated performance by Larusso, but we don’t see much of him. From what we do see of him though, he underwent a huge character arc from D1 to now. In D1, Banks goes against his father’s protests and joins the Ducks, claiming that he “just wants to play hockey.” Here in D3, we see that Banks is utterly miserable despite playing with some of the best players in the state, purely because he’s not with his friends. At the end of the film, he makes the (questionable) decision to rejoin the Ducks and go against the Varsity. But Varsity seems to feel that Banks fits in with them, for obvious reasons. He’s the only Duck who comes from an affluent background, and he’s definitely the most clean cut. Captain Reilly is visibly angry in the final showdown with the Ducks that they no longer have Banks on their side, as if he’s betrayed “his kind.”

The turning point of the film comes when after Charlie has quit the freshman team (no longer the Ducks), Hans, a father figure to the Ducks and Bombay, suddenly passes away. It’s an insanely dark moment for a Disney film, especially when Bombay returns to the funeral and reminds the Ducks that it was “Hans who taught them to fly” and Charlie storms off, crying. I think Joshua Jackson, in the Ducks films, as well as in Dawson’s Creek, is phenomenally good at portraying teenagers who wouldn’t normally be seen as leading men. Who let their emotions overtake them, who have anger issues, who deal with familial problems. Characters like that in leading roles were almost unheard of in the 90s, and in the upcoming scenes, it reminds us why this side of Charlie that we’ve seen throughout the movie is not the only side of Charlie.

Bombay takes Charlie to the rink to see Orion skating with his disabled daughter, who was injured in a car accident. He reveals to Charlie that Orion quit the NHL to take care of her, and this immediately changes Charlie’s opinion of him, but he’s still unconvinced about rejoining the team. The next scene is without question, the greatest and most important scene of the trilogy. The last two films spent way too much time telling us how great of a person Bombay was, how he was the Minnesota Miracle Man,despite us seeing so little of that onscreen. We see him making mistake after mistake, hurting the team, being an unjustified dick to those around him. But this scene more than makes up for all of that. I’ve put the quote from this scene below.

Bombay: I was like you, Charlie. When I played hockey, I was a total hot shot. I tried to take control of every game. I wound up quitting. So I tried the law. I ruled the courtroom, but inside, I’m a mess. Start drinking. Man, I was going down. But then this great thing happened, maybe the best thing ever - I got arrested and sentenced to community service. And there you were - Charlie and the Ducks. And as hard as I fought it, there you were. You gave me a life, Charlie, and I want to say thank you. I told Orion about all of this when I talked to him about taking over. I told him that you were the heart of the team and that you would learn something from each other. I told him that you were the real Minnesota Miracle Man. 

Charlie: You did?

Bombay: I did. So be that man, Charlie. Be that man.

It’s a callback to D2, when Jan tells Bombay “Be that man, Gordon. Be that man.” This scene is flawless. Every good thing that has happened to the Ducks, came because of Charlie’s heart. It came because of that game when Charlie refused to cheat, and made Bombay see his wrongs. It came because of when Bombay first tried to quit the team, and seeing how hurt Charlie was, agreed to stay. It was Charlie who stepped out of the game against Iceland so that Banks could play. It was Charlie who found them Russ. Giving the credit to a young, emotionally unstable teenager, rather than their Emilio Estevez, hotshot Bombay, is the best thing this series ever did.

This movie, in my opinion, is nearly flawless. Every moment has been planned to make the same point - change sucks. Especially when you’re a teenager. Even more so when you’re a teenager with trauma.

[wefoundloveunderthelight]

Skyline Manor by GleefullyCaptainSwan Chapter 11/13

Read on AO3: | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11

Or on FF

Stacy's Tortured Crew: @teamhook @kmomof4 @stahlop @lfh1226-linda @ilovemesomekillianjones @itsfabianadocarmo @mariakov81 @qualitycoffeethings @zaharadessert @jrob64 @jonesfandomfanatic @natascha-ronin @tiganasummertree @xarandomdreamx @therooksshiningknight @batana54 @superchocovian @onceratheart18 @ultraluckycatnd @snowbellewells @karlyfr13s @the-darkdragonfly @xsajx @deckerstarblanche

Chapter 11: All I See is You

Emma woke up and stared at the text message she received the night before. She didn’t know what to make of the request from Killian to meet her tonight. She wasn’t sure what he wanted to talk about that he couldn’t just come over and tell her now. Why would he need to wait until 7pm to meet her on the roof?

She tried to stay busy throughout the day, cleaning her house, making her grocery list for the following week, while also fielding calls from her brother to find out how she was doing after her relationship with Graham had ended. He couldn’t understand what had gone wrong, but then Emma knew he had been too caught up in the possibility of Emma settling down that he never once stopped to ask her if Graham actually made her happy. Emma couldn’t fault him for that, she should have stopped and asked herself that question before it got to a place where Graham found himself on one knee in front of their friends.

Honestly, Emma hadn’t felt more at ease since ending things with Graham. She knew she could have just told him she wasn’t ready to get married without ending the relationship, but when he asked her to spend the rest of her life with him, she knew that it wasn’t just getting married to Graham that she was unable to do, it was in that moment that she knew being with him at all wasn’t right for her.

That evening, she wasn’t worried about her own feelings; she had mourned the destruction of her relationship with a glass of wine and a bar of chocolate. She was more concerned about Henry. She hated taking away yet another father figure from his life. However, the boy hardly seemed phased, and she realized that perhaps Henry wasn’t as taken with Graham as she wanted him to be.

“So, things seem to be going well with Belle.” Emma tried to ask without sounding too interested in how Killian’s ex was doing with her new relationship.

“Well enough that she’s not going back to him, if that’s what you’re worried about.” He teased.

“What?” Emma asked in shock. “My statement wasn’t about Killian. I just wanted to know how my best friend was doing with his new relationship.”

“Well then, your best friend is doing amazing. She’s bloody brilliant Em.” Emma could tell that Will was smitten with Belle. He hadn’t stopped smiling since they started going out and she loved seeing the smile permanently on his face. Will deserved someone who treated him as special as she had always seen him.

“I’m happy for you.” She responded, trying not to feel a pit of sadness forming in her stomach. She was happy for him, she just wondered if she would ever feel as happy as he did.

“Killian seems pretty happy for Belle, too. He even gave me some advice on her favorite foods and flowers so that I could cook for her this weekend.”

“That’s odd.” She chuckled.

“Not really, I mean the way Belle tells me, they never really had a serious relationship. They seem like really good friends though.”

Emma nervously cleaned the table, putting the dirty dishes into the sink, she looked down at her watch and realized it was almost 7pm. “Can you watch Henry for a little bit, I need to do something.”

“Yeah, everything alright?” Will asked.

“Oh yeah, I won’t be long.” Emma left the apartment and made her way to the roof, anxiety and curiosity starting to build up in her mind.

~*~

Killian wasn’t sure what Emma would need to discuss with him or why the need to wait until evening.

He had been surprised to find out that she declined Graham’s marriage proposal, but Henry didn’t seem to know anything about his mother’s text asking to meet with him. He resisted responding to her after he tried four different responses, none being satisfactory. In the end he opted to just leave the phone sitting on the counter. He would simply show up at 7pm and hope for the best.

At around 6:30, he found he could no longer sit in his apartment watching the clock. Instead, he headed to the roof to wait for Emma.

At 7:05 she walked through the door; an anxious worry written all over her face.

“Hey.”

“Hello, Swan.” He greeted the woman when she approached him.

“So…” She said as if she was waiting for him to start the conversation.

“What is the reason for all the secrecy?”

“Secrecy?” Her eyes narrowed. “You tell me.”

Killian chuckled. “I haven’t a clue, I assumed you would know the reason you asked me here.”

“I asked you here?”

“Aye.”

She shook her head. “That’s ridiculous. You asked me to meet you.”

“I can assure you I did no such thing, love.”

Emma dug into her pocket, producing her phone, a nervous laugh leaving her lips. “I’m not crazy.” She mumbled under her breath. “See, right here.” She held up the phone and Killian squinted to read the message on the screen. When he saw it came from him, he reached out and grabbed the phone from her hands.

“No that’s not possible.” Reaching into his pocket, he pulled his own phone, finding his message from Emma and holding it to her. “You can clearly see that you sent me the message last night.”

Emma looked at the two phones. “What the hell.”

“How is this possible?”

“I haven’t a clue, love. But it appears that someone is messing with us.”

“Who would do that? Besides, who has access to both of our phones?” Emma asked.

They both looked up at each other simultaneously and spoke. “Henry.”

“But why would the lad send this message?”

“I don’t know, but I’m about to go find out.” Emma said angrily, turning to leave when suddenly the boy in question appeared in the doorway. “Henry. We need to talk.”

“Sorry mom, I love you a lot but you’re too stubborn for your own good. You and Killian need to talk.” He looked at Killian. “You both need to stop running from each other. Killian, you don’t have to be alone, but you need to believe that you are worthy of being loved. And mom, true love can conquer anything, but you have to be willing to open yourself up to it.”

“Henry David Swan, this is not one of your fairytales, you can’t just…”

“Love you guys. I’ll be back in a bit.” And with that, the door slammed shut.

~*~

Henry pulled the door shut, turning the lock, effectively trapping his mother and Killian on the roof.

“Are you sure about this kid?”

Henry turned around, sitting on the step next to Will. “Mom always needs a little push when it comes to being honest with herself.” There was a bang on the door behind him and he heard his mother yelling, flinching he turned back to look at Will with a nervous laugh.

“Aye, I know this, but you also know that she’s gonna ground you until you turn 18. You weighed that risk right?”

He shrugged. “It’ll be worth it.” He said with a grin.

“I owe you a huge debt, Captain.” The King reached out to pass the bundle of coins into the man’s hand. “Should you ever find yourself in our Kingdom again, please make sure to make our acquaintance.”

“It was a pleasure meeting you, your highness.” Captain Jones paused. “I’m sure you are anxious for things to return to normal, with Baelfire behind bars, your sister is free to marry the Duke.”

The King laughed, “I’m afraid my sister is anything but normal. She has already informed me that she has decided not to marry the Duke.”

“Emm…Princess Swan does indeed appear to do things her own way.”

“I never did get a chance to apologize for my sister’s interference with your mission.”

“Apologizes are not necessary, she was of great assistance.”

“Emma has always wished for more than these stone walls.”

“You can’t cage a bird forever.” The Captain stated before rising to leave. “I must take my leave; I fear I have stayed too long, and the sea is calling my name.”

“Thank you again, Captain.”

Killian left the King, heading out of the castle to retreat to the Jolly to prepare her for sailing in the morning. As he rounded the corner he saw Master Henry waiting at the end of the corridor.

“Captain Jones!”

“Master Henry, so happy to see you well.”

“Are you leaving already?”

“Aye, this is not the only kingdom in need of my assistance, my crew and I must be on our way to Arendelle by first light.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Anything, lad.”

“I was wondering if you were in need of additional crew on the Jolly Roger?”

The Captain laughed. “Is this inquiry personal? I’m not certain your mother would approve.”

“I’m not a child. I’m not even officially a royal. I have no claim to the throne. My place here is unnecessary. I want to explore new worlds, find adventure, learn to sword fight like you.”

“Henry, I would be honored for you to join my crew, with your mother’s permission of course.”

“Really?”

“Aye, I’m always in need of good men who are willing to have my back. But I fear your mother may not be in agreement with you leaving the nest.”

“My mother might surprise you.” He said with a smile.

“I believe that. Your mother is not like many I have met.”

“Have you spoken to her?”

“Not since we turned Baelfire over to the Sheriff. A man of my stature does not seek out the company of royalty without being called upon.”

“I’m sure she will be sad to find that she missed you before you left.”

“I’m on my way to the Thirsty Lion; I need to rally the troops before we set sail in the morning. In case anyone would find themselves interested in joining my crew or needing to speak to me, that’s where they will find me until sundown.” He said with a wink.

“Thank you Captain.” Henry took his leave as the Captain left the castle, a nervous excitement taking over him.

After dinner, Henry found himself confronting his mother about the man they turned over to the Sheriff. “Why didn’t you tell me the truth about my father?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you, to make you think that you weren’t wanted. Your father may have left us, but you have always been loved Henry.”

“I never felt unloved, mother.”

Princess Emma wrapped her arms around her son and hugged him. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way.” She pulled back, looking at her son. “Why did you follow me to the Jolly Roger?”

“I didn’t. I was actually following Captain Jones. After he came to my room that evening, I just wanted to see what it was like to go on an adventure. I’m always stuck here in the castle.”

“Being royalty means we have responsibilities. It’s our duty to be here, to be seen.”

“But I’m not royalty. You are though. So why did you follow Captain Jones then?” He asked with a smirk. “That doesn’t seem like part of your responsibility. Uncle David says that you are supposed to be choosing a husband.”

“I suppose you are very much like your mother; I don’t like being told what to do either.”

“Do you not intend to marry the Duke?”

Princess Emma crinkled her nose, “I always thought my life would be so different than what it has become.”

“You wish for adventure too.”

“Why does a Princess have to stay in court, bound to a man of royal blood?”

“It’s a shame that Captain Jones isn’t sticking around.” Henry said with a sly smile.

“You’ve talked to him?”

“I saw him this morning when Uncle David met with him, he said that he was to set sail for Arendelle at first light.”

“Oh, is that so?” Her tone was full of disappointment and longing.

“I believe he was headed to the Thirsty Lion. He was sure to make mention of that in case anyone needed to speak with him before he lifted anchor.”

“Did he mention anyone specifically?”

“Of course not, that would be improper, would it not, Mother?” She kissed her son on the forehead, standing up and rushing to the door. “Mother.” She turned back to face him. “Wear the green cloak, it matches your eyes, and is less recognizable in public than the gold frock you tried to hide in when I tracked you.”

~*~

Killian watched as Henry stepped away into the stairwell, the large metal door slamming shut in slow motion.

“Shit.” Killian ran for the door, tugging on the handle but it wouldn’t budge. “Sneaky little bugger, he’s locked us out.”

“What? Are you kidding me?”

“I can assure you, love; it won’t budge.” Emma pushed past him and yanked on the handle.

“Oh, he’s grounded for a month!” She screeched as she kicked the door with her foot and Killian couldn’t stop the laugh escaping his mouth. She turned quickly. “Do you think this is funny?”

“Of course not, but I hardly think the punishment fits the crime.”

“He locked us on the rooftop because he thinks we are running away from true love. You realize that’s ridiculous, don’t you? There’s no such thing as true love, you find someone you don’t want to kill, and you hope for the best.”

He couldn’t hold in the sad laugh at her comment. Their eyes locked and Killian swallowed, his throat suddenly feeling dry. The boy did have an active imagination, that he was sure of since the literacy fair. However, his assessment that Killian was running wasn’t exactly a lie.

“Aye, I admit that the boy has a flair for the dramatics, however he makes a fair point, at least on my account.” Her eyes widened.

“You’re not telling me that you agree with him?”

“I didn’t say that Swan. I’m just saying that he makes a fair point. I’ve hurt more people than I care to admit in my quest to escape my past, Belle included.”

“I don’t understand, what are you escaping from?” She paused, horror framing her face. “Oh God, you aren’t a serial killer are you?”

“Bloody hell woman, you immediately jump to serial killer. The boy isn’t kidding, you do have trust issues.”

“He told you I have trust issues?”

Killian rolled his eyes. “Is he wrong?”

“No, but that’s not the point.” She pouted angrily.

Killian paced his spot on the roof, watching the woman seated in front of him. He was in dangerous waters here; he knew that opening up to her could lead to ramifications for their friendship. He wasn’t sure he could afford to lose both Emma and Henry in his life. However, not talking to her could also drastically change things anyway.

“I’m not a serial Killer, Swan, so you can stop planning your escape.” He sighed and sat down next to her. “However, I’m not proud of my past. My previous relationship was the definition of muddy waters at best.”

“I was married to a man who took me clubbing on our first date only to come back and rob it later that night. Trust me, I get muddy waters.”

Killian narrowed his eyes; this Neal character was dumber than he thought. “Perhaps you do.”

“We all do stupid shit; it doesn’t mean we are bad people.”

He took a deep breath, “I dated a woman while I was in the Navy. Milah. I was consumed with her the moment I laid eyes on her at the bar. She had the mouth of a sailor, the body of a goddess, and I swore she knew me more than I knew myself.” Emma squirmed in her seat beside him. “I fell in love with her the way most people do, feet first with my eyes closed. I gave her everything I had, my entire soul.”

“Is she the reason you moved to Boston?”

“Aye, though I wouldn’t call it a move, more of an escape. I intended to ask her to marry me. Liam didn’t approve, he felt she would not live up to my mother’s expectation for her son, he refused to give me his blessing, or my mother’s ring, but it didn’t deter me. She was my world.”

“So, you asked her anyway?”

He nodded. “It was the happiest day of my life, and sadly the day my entire world exploded around me.” He paused. “Milah was unable to accept my proposal, because she was already married.”

“Oh wow, that’s... I’m sorry.”

“I wish that was where the tale ended, however I’m ashamed to say that my part in the story continued.” He hung his head, taking his eyes off her. “As I said, she was my world, and I could not let her go. My brother always told me that a man unwilling to fight for what he wants, deserves what he gets.” He laughed. “I never stopped to question if what I was fighting for was worthy of my time and effort.”

“You wanted her to leave her husband?”

“Aye, she told me she was going to leave him, he was abusive, and things escalated. Many nights I spent cleaning her up, tending to her wounds, begging her not to go back to him. She always told me it was the last time, I would send her home to pack her things and return to me. But she never did.” He laughed. “I was a fool. I should have ended it, walked away. But the last night was worse than anything he had ever done. He had broken her arm, threatened to kill her. It was the last straw. I went after him, gave him an ass beating he won’t soon forget.”

Emma gasped beside him. “It sounds like he deserved it.”

He chuckled. “I got arrested for assault and battery. Turns out her husband was an up-and-coming politician.”

“But what about his wife, surely there was evidence to prove she was being battered?”

“It was her word against mine.” He said sadly.

“What? She lied?”

“She told the police I was a jealous ex-lover, and that she had begged me to leave her alone. I went to jail for a time and when I was released, I had been dishonorably discharged from the Navy. Everything I had built and dreamed of since I was a child was gone.”

“Killian that’s terrible. But that hardly sounds like you were the bad guy.”

He sat up in his chair, “Perhaps not, but I knew I brought this on myself. I allowed Milah to continue to cheat on her husband, I should have stopped it. I should have walked away. I deserved the punishment I got.”

“And I made you do it again when I kissed you while I was dating Graham.” She said sadly.

“I couldn’t allow anything to progress with us, no matter how much I wished it.”

“You wished for it?”

“Aye, but after Milah, I got shit faced and made a promise to my brother that I would never have a relationship with a woman again.”

“But you were just dating Belle.”

“Belle and I were merely existing. I never called her my girlfriend, a fact that I believe hurt her more than I could comprehend. Belle is a good woman and someone I consider a cherished friend. She deserved better than me.”

“So, you’re just going to keep running from feeling anything because of a drunken promise after making a mistake?”

“Can I ask you something, Emma?”

“Interesting, asking a question to avoid answering one.”

Killian pushed forward. “Why did you turn down Graham’s proposal?”

She frowned. “Guess I didn’t feel like getting married again, seemed like a lot of work.”

“I just told you the thing I am most fearful of people learning about me and you return the favor by being less than honest in your answer.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Try the truth. Why does your boy think you are running?”

“Why does Henry think anything? He has an active imagination.” Killian rolled his eyes. “Ok fine, you want the truth? Graham was a good guy, he treated me well, he was good to Henry. I could have married him and let him take care of me for the rest of our lives.”

“And you think that’s a bad thing?”

“Of course not, but he didn’t make me feel anything. I loved him but I wasn’t in love with him. I just wanted to feel alive, desired, wanted.”

“So, you kissed me?”

“You make it sound like I was using you. I wasn’t. I kissed you because I wanted to. Because you scare me. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before.”

“Scaring a woman hardly sounds like a good thing.” He laughed.

“When I was younger, I was a different person. I wanted adventure, excitement. I was the type of person who wanted to get up at 3am, take a boat out into the middle of the ocean, and watch the sun come up. I took trips without even knowing where I was going. I was 18 years old when I met Neal, we ran hard and fast and we almost destroyed each other. We were married and divorced before I even knew who he was. By the time I figured it out, Henry came. And then I had responsibilities and someone else depending on me.”

Killian watched her face, imagining what Emma must have been like back then. She would have been the type of woman he would have fallen for in a heartbeat. Perhaps if they had met back then, neither of them would have gone through what they did.

“I started playing things safe. My ex, Walsh, was a banker, you couldn’t get more boring than him if you tried. And then there was Graham, I’ve known him since I was a child, he was a friend, a security guard who took care of old people.” She laughed.

“And then one day, this man in a leather jacket rode up on his bike, I could practically smell danger and adventure and excitement from the moment I met you.” Her eyes never left his as she spoke. “And I was ok just fantasizing about it because I don’t date men like you. But then you went and did the most aggravating thing anyone could have ever done.”

He couldn’t stop the smirk. “What’s that, love?”

“This man who was supposed to be dangerous and terrifying became friends with my eleven-year-old son.”

“He’s friends with Will too, love, I fail to see how that’s aggravating.”

“Will doesn’t count. He’s been my best friend since before I even realized what boys were. But you…you became friends with Henry because you wanted to. And it was aggravating because you did it without even trying to get into my pants. You just hung out with him. Despite my protests, my distrust, even though you had no reason at all to even pay him the time of day, you talked to him like he was a human who deserved an audience.”

“Perhaps I’m missing the point.” He said with a chuckle.

“Dangerous men don’t become friends with my son. They don’t listen to him when he’s having a bad day. They don’t show up at his literacy fair to watch him recite a poem that he wrote about him and his mother.”

“Why Swan, are you saying that you are the Princess, and I am the Pirate from Henry’s tale?” He teased with a grin.

“Stop it, you already knew as much.”

“I had my suspicions, yes.”

“That’s my point, even after all that, you still hung around. You babysat him, I mean you almost set my house on fire doing so, but, even after Henry faked being sick just so I would end my date early with Graham, you still stayed.” She shook her head. “You let him come to your house to play with your dog every night before he went to bed, you eat my food, and you never complain that it’s burned…” She closed her eyes, words almost coming out in a whisper, “and sometimes I catch you looking at me and it takes my breath away.”

Without even thinking, he reached out, his thumb tracing a line against her cheek. “Sometimes, when I look at you, I swear my heart is going to pound out of my chest and everything around me ceases to exist. Because all I see is you.”

Her eyes opened, locking with his, and in a single heartbeat, she was in his arms, her lips crashing against his mouth, and the world stopped.

[mxpseudonym]

Everything There Is

Pairing: Tommy x OC

Summary: Florence and Tommy are in this together.

Request: “Hi! Can you do a Tommy x oc or reader as his wife in an arranged marriage where she is also a business woman and their marriage was a sort of contract and their relationship is mainly professional apart from sex n all, and Tommy comes home all worn out and she asks him to share with her and tommy is reluctant but she assures and reminds him that she is capable of protecting the family, Charlie and Tommy too. And then they just kiss and Tommy leans into her or something. Thank you!!” 

Length: 1650 words (allegedly)

Warnings: Underlying tones of forced/arranged marriage

A/N: Hello sweet, tender anon. This was a joy to write, especially Charlie 🥺. What a sweet angel.

--

Florence Heywood had been meeting with Tommy for two years about his investments. At first, Shelby Company Ltd simply needed advice from her property management company about renting and leasing. However, Florence and Tommy quickly found they were both as ambitious and calculating as the other. Unlike her other clients, Tommy didn't gaff at her suggestions of overseas ventures or buying big. It was a joyous union. Even Florence's mother didn't understand her dedication to the company. However, it was the senior Mrs. Heywood's father, who left the business to his granddaughter.  

"Don't you have enough, dear? You've come so far, not just as a woman, but as a business owner," her mother said after being told that grandchildren were not a priority. Florence wanted more. She was a modern woman who craved a legacy and a family name that honored her grandfather's work. 

"Enough of that," Tommy said, sliding a few signed documents into a folder before turning to her. "I told you to stop being so easy to read. Now, what's wrong?" 

Florence rolled her eyes but was thankful when Tommy went to pour them some whiskey. The upside to meeting at Tommy's home was that the rules were nonexistent. She didn't even have to leave her shoes on.

"My mother wants me to get married soon, probably have kids," she groaned. "She's set me up to go to the pictures with a banker on Friday."

"Isn't that what most women want?" Tommy walked over and handed her a glass of amber liquid. 

"You'd be surprised," Florence said, then sighed. "I'm just scared." 

"Florence Heywood is scared of something? Hard to believe." Tommy shook his head. 

"My grandfather left me his business when it was just one tiny office on Victoria Street. He put everything he had into it to make something of our name and pass something on. What if some prick weasels his way in and ruins it all? It’ll be his to gamble away. Or starts mistreating my employees. It's the stuff of nightmares." She shivered and looked to Tommy, who nodded in understanding. 

"We Shelby's want to do the same thing. Work hard enough to have what the toffs do- the opportunities and good fortune. My brothers and I fought side by side with those fuckers in the war. We get the shell shock, blow our bloody brains out, fuckin' live with demons, don't we? But they got everything, and we got nothing. Nothing changed." Tommy said. Florence was surprised to hear him talk with her like this but certainly didn't stop him. "But I have my family and my son. Anything less than success is unacceptable. You're right to be critical. You've got to know who's on your side." 

"Easier said than done," she mumbled. "How is Charlie, by the way?"

"He's with his tutor now. Won't stop talking about that train set you told him about last time," Tommy chuckled. Florence's grandfather's spare room that had the most extensive train set she'd seen. She was happy to tell Charlie all about it, but now he was intrigued.

"I'll happily take the blame."

"Hope you've got something planned to remedy this in the near future."

"I will talk to Father Christmas," Florence offered with a laugh. She sighed and thought of all of what Tommy has worked for and her as well. "You know what, Tommy? You and I are doing it. We're making a name for ourselves. Even when no one understands what we want, we have a vision." Tommy smirked, noticing that the strong drink was already making her eyes a bit glossy.

"And what is it that we want?" He asked. She raised her glass and motioned for him to do the same.

"Everything there is." 

In life, Tommy wasn’t often surprised. Sure he was blind sided now and again, but his cynical nature taught him to expect the worst. A few weeks after his optimistic toast with her, Florence arranged a meeting on the grounds of having a new venture for him that would challenge his ability to be two steps ahead. The last thing he expected was a marriage contract. Like any other venture, she laid out the facts, including Tommy needing to do something good for his image as a new politician. 

"This is really...something." Tommy looked over her detailed work in a slight daze. 

"I know, and please don't think I take this lightly. I'm just thinking about Shelby Company Ltd and Heywood Capital, establishing a bloody empire," Florence explained. Tommy could see the stars in her eyes as she thought about the possibilities. It was her promise that locked him in, however.  

"Tommy Shelby, I will protect you if you will protect me. That's as good as any marriage, isn't it?"  

Tommy thought about it for a few days. Florence Heywood, a woman he'd call his friend and one of the savviest people he knew, wanted to get married in the name of a legacy. He could hardly believe it when he picked up the phone and called her office.

"Everything there is, eh?"

It took several hours of negotiation, a prenuptial agreement, and the presence of a lawyer. Still, in the end, he said yes. 

For a while, the Shelby's referred to Florence in the form of the question, "isn't she that woman who manages Tommy's properties?" And Mrs. Heywood gave Florence an earful for getting engaged without ever bringing Tommy around for tea. But after a bumpy start, the rest went rather seamlessly.

One year later, Florence was sitting in her own lovely office in Arrow House with Charlie on her lap. She hadn't planned on reading to Charlie every night, but Charlie would sooner sneak out of bed in his pajamas and ambush her in her office than miss her reading to him. And he did. 

"Both parties should review the completed document carefully to ensure that all relevant deal points have been included," Florence read softly. Charlie was nearing a deep sleep, so Alice in Wonderland was sneakily replaced by the contracts she was in the middle of reviewing.  

When she heard the front door close, she stopped to check her watch. It was a quarter past 9 PM already. She followed the sound of Tommy's footsteps going up the stairs then quickly descending moments later. He was panicked, she could tell. If not from his steps, from the way he burst into her office. 

"Sh!" Florence placed a finger to her lips. Tommy let out a breath of relief as he ran a hand through his hair. Tommy came over and placed a hand on Charlie's head, then a kiss to his forehead. Florence was surprised she received one as well.

"He couldn't sleep?" Tommy asked quietly, eyes looking to the papers in her hand.

"He wouldn't allow it without a story. Tonight's is Once Upon a Time There Was A Walk-Up in Camden Town," she mused then pressed her own kiss to Charlie's head. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's fine."

"Is it fine, or is it nothing?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"It's," Tommy sighed once again, thinking about his day, his week even. The Russians, the Irish,  hell, Arthur, and fucking Linda. Christ. 

"Tommy," Florence's voice cut through the smoke and mud, bringing him back into the present. She stood smoothly, expertly shifting Charlie to her hip. "I know you're stressed. I just want to remind you that we promised to protect each other, right? Whatever it is, we figure it out together."

Tommy reached up and cupped her cheek.

"You're right, we promised. I promised." He leaned forward and kissed her softly. It took everything for Florence to remind herself that there was no place for weak knees when holding her child. "Let's put him to bed, and I'll tell you it all, Mrs. Shelby."

--

Tommy Tag List: @soleil-dor; @amysteryspot

[princesssarisa]

“Beauty and the Beast”: Belle’s beautiful discontentment (warning: long)

In my Feminist Defense of the Animated Belle, I addressed most of the issues I’ve heard people complain about regarding Belle’s character. But there was one I didn’t touch on, because it has very little to do with gender roles: the common complaint that Belle is a “snob.” I’d like to discuss that topic now. I’d also like to use it as a springboard to discuss a valuable aspect of Belle’s character that sets her apart both from certain Disney princesses who came before her and from depictions of Beauty in other Beauty and the Beast retellings: her willingness to own her discontentment.

I do understand the “snob” accusations. After all, Belle’s neighbors are poor peasants working hard to eke out a living. It’s only natural that they have little time for books or dreams of adventure and think Belle’s passion for those things is impractical. It’s reasonable to sympathize with their perspective more than the movie seems to want us to. It’s fair to argue that the movie has a (probably unintentional) classist undertone by portraying the villagers as small-minded and bigoted and by having Belle only find a kindred spirit in a prince, albeit an enchanted outcast prince, and find her ultimate happiness by leaving the town in favor of a royal castle. I’m grateful that other BatB retellings exist (e.g. Megan Kearney’s webcomic, or Robin McKinley’s Rose Daughter) that portray Beauty’s peasant world in a more positive light, depict the historic cruelty of royal court life in the Beast/Prince’s backstory, and have him leave the castle in the end to become a peasant rather than Beauty becoming a princess.

But none of the above is any reason to criticize Belle.

I don’t think she looks down on her neighbors. She most certainly doesn’t shun them, as some critics claim she does. Just look at her meeting with the baker during the opening song: she tries to have a friendly conversation with him and tell him about the wonderful story she’s read, only for him to rudely brush her aside with “That’s nice... Marie! The baguettes!” I don’t interpret her subsequent shrug and eye-roll as showing disdain for his “low-class” disinterest in books – just as “Oh well, as usual, no one shares my interest.”

Nor do I buy the claim that she shows disdain for the “I need six eggs!” woman (and by extension for all struggling mothers) when she rides past her. It’s true that she does seem to be smiling, which might imply amused contempt, but she might also just be enjoying her ride on the wagon while at the same time wistfully yearning for a new life, with her expression having nothing to do with the woman. I don’t know what the animators meant to convey. And even if that overwhelmed mother does represent the life Belle doesn’t want for herself, and if Belle sings “There must be more than this provincial life!” in response to seeing her, what’s wrong with that? I don’t think it’s an insult to women who choose to have big families. Even a woman who chooses to have five kids shouldn’t be expected to wrangle them all by herself while also doing her grocery shopping, with no help from her husband or from anyone else. That’s the kind of unpaid labor women have too often been forced into and it’s not “insulting other women” for Belle to yearn for something different.

Belle has the right to be bored by her small town life and want something more. She’s not some rich girl looking down on the poor peasants; she’s a poor peasant too. A person trapped in a dull, stifling lower-class existence has every right to long for a different life. Would we accuse Cinderella of being a “snob” and “ignoring the value of domestic work” because she dreams of escaping from her enslavement by her stepfamily? Of course Belle’s life in the village is more comfortable than that, but it’s still reasonable that she should want to break free from its limits.

“But Belle is clearly richer and more privileged than her neighbors!” some critics argue again and again. “Most peasants in those days were illiterate, so the fact that Belle can read shows she’s had a higher-class education, and in the stage musical, Maurice tells her she’s ‘class’ while their neighbors are ‘the common herd’!” I don’t buy that argument. I’ve never bought it. Not one bit. The movie’s setting isn’t the real late 18th/early 19th century France – it’s the Disney version of it. The village has a bookshop in the animated version and a church library and schoolhouse in the live-action remake. There’s no indication whatsoever that Belle's neighbors can’t read. (Gaston holding her book askance as he looks for pictures in it and Le Fou’s inability to spell Gaston’s name don’t count; the first is a “parental bonus” gag implying that Gaston is looking for a centerfold, while the second is a “Le Fou is stupid” gag. Gaston quotes Shakespeare in “The Mob Song,” so he’s clearly had some education.) Belle just stands out because she has a passion for books, instead of only reading now and then during breaks from “more important” things, and because she would rather read than engage in smalltalk about practical everyday matters. Belle is shown borrowing her books, not buying them, which I presume implies she can’t afford to buy them, and Maurice builds his invention out of ordinary household items (e.g. a wood stove, an axe, a teapot), so he presumably hasn’t spent much money on it either. Nor are they any better dressed than their neighbors, nor does their house look any fancier. They certainly don’t seem richer than Gaston, who apparently owns the village tavern and can afford to arrange a wedding party on short notice and bribe Monsieur d’Arque with a bag of gold to help him blackmail Belle. As for Maurice’s remarks in the stage version, they’re clearly about her personality, not about social class.

Belle also has the right to be an individualist and a misfit. That’s part of the whole point of her storyline. It seems to me that critics who complain that she “looks down on normalcy” are doing the same thing the villagers do, which is supposed to be wrong: saying “It’s a pity and a sin she doesn’t quite fit in.”

It’s no surprise that people should complain about Belle’s complaining, though. Traditional fairy-tale heroines aren’t supposed to complain. As much as we can joke about the cliché that the “I want more” heroine became during the Disney Renaissance, we shouldn’t forget how innovative that kind of heroine was in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s. Just think back to Snow White: at the beginning she’s dressed in rags and forced to work as a scullery maid by her stepmother, but we find her smiling and cheerfully humming as she scrubs the castle steps. Then there’s Cinderella: a bit more complex and openly discontented than Snow White, but in general she still goes cheerfully about her chores. The heroine who lives in unhappy circumstances but “bears it cheerfully and without complaint” is a mainstay of classic, old-fashioned fairy-tales (and other stories too). The early versions of Beauty and the Beast are no exception. After Beauty’s family falls into poverty, we’re told that her sisters constantly wail and cry over their lost wealth and status, but Beauty swallows her grief, resolves to be cheerful, patiently shoulders all the household chores, and devotes her days to consoling her father and siblings. For this she’s held up as a role model, in contrast to her complaining sisters, who despise her and insult her for it, but whom she always loves and forgives.

Of course there’s value in that kind of character. Resilience in the face of adversity and finding happiness where others find none is a strength in its own right. But it can be overdone. The more that women, poor people and outcasts are encouraged to be cheerful, patient and uncomplaining, the more they’re expected to “stay in their place.” Any righteous desire or demand for a better life or better treatment is labeled “rude,” whiny,” “petulant” and “selfish.” It doesn’t always cross that line, but it can.

Linda Woolverton, the head screenwriter of Disney’s BatB, knew that she wanted Belle to be different both from the traditional Beauty and from the likes of Snow White and Cinderella. So did lyricist Howard Ashman, whose experience as a gay man did much to influence the outcast heroes and heroines of the three Disney movies he wrote for. As noted in this Time Magazine article, they resolved to create a heroine for “the next century,” who wasn’t “based on being kind and taking the hits but smiling all the way through it.”

They definitely succeeded.

As far as I’m concerned, it’s wonderful that Belle owns her discontentment. It’s beautiful that she doesn’t try to fit in or put on a patient, cheerful mask, but unabashedly yearns to escape from her dull, small-minded village and find adventure in the great wide somewhere. It’s wonderful that she has no patience for Gaston’s rudeness and arrogance and that she loathes the thought of having to give up her reading and intellect in favor of a mundane marriage and raising a gaggle of children. It all leads beautifully into her friendship and romance arc with the Beast, where she refuses to tolerate his bullying, refuses to let him control her even though he’s the master of the castle, only forgives him when he earns her forgiveness, and inspires him to change for the better. The happy ending comes about precisely because Belle was willing to be discontented and shamelessly wanted more than she was given at first. This makes her almost the opposite of the original tale’s Beauty, whose story was written as an allegory for arranged marriage and whose purpose was in part to convince girls to submit to unwanted circumstances for their families’ sake. I love that instead, Belle refuses to submit to what she doesn’t want, and her refusal becomes the catalyst for all the positive growth and transformation in the story.

Let’s hear it for heroines who want more!

[megalony]

She’s a good girl- Part 9

I hope you’re all enjoying the amount of updates I’ve been doing for this murderer! Ben Hardy series, it is quickly one of my favourites to write at the moment. There is a lot of angst and some fluff here for you all, feedback is always lovely.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem​ @butlegendsneverdie​ @langdonzvoid​ @jennyggggrrr​ @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah​ @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6​ @rogertaylors-lipgloss​ @sj-thefan​ @omgitsearly​ @luckytrashgooprebel​ @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac​ @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @peterquillzsblog @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh

Series taglist: @onceuponadetectivedemigod​ @lelifesaver​​

Series masterlist

Summary: (Y/n) is a good girl from a church-going family and her brother, Joe, is trying to put Ben behind bars. But when (Y/n) starts to fall for the dangerous killer, things get complicated.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leaning her head on her brother's shoulder, (Y/n) tightened her hand around his and wrapped her other hand around his upper arm to secure herself to his side. She was thankful that both their parents and Cora were walking quite a few paces ahead of them as they were all making their way home from sermon. It meant that (Y/n) had a chance to talk to Joe without anyone hearing and no one ever commented on her and Joe whispering to one another because it was a normal occurrence like they were always plotting something together.

"I need your help."

"Why, what's up?" Joe ducked his head down to be closer to (Y/n) so he could hear her better, knowing instantly that she was whispering so that their family didn't overhear.

Talking in whispers like this always made Joe feel like they were little kids again, plotting ways to get back at Cora whenever she did something or when they were planning out their lives and trips they wanted to take together without their annoying sister or overbearing parents.

"I have to tell you all something but I... I need you to keep the peace. They're gonna flip when I tell them."

It was now or never.

(Y/n) knew she had to tell her parents now because if she waited much longer it was going to be very clear and visible. She was four months pregnant and she was starting to show and baggy clothing wasn't going to work forever. There was also the problem of getting married, if she wanted to marry Ben without having much of a noticeable bump it had to happen very soon and they had already been talking about it but that meant her family had to know soon.

It had always been set in stone for (Y/n) that she would marry someone when she was well into her twenties or even later and it would happen in her father's church with him performing the ceremony and all her family there. It was always planned to be something out of a fairy tale, but real life was so much different. (Y/n) already knew it wasn't going to be in a church, it would be hard to find a booking at such short notice and it wouldn't feel right somehow, Ben didn't believe in God so making him stand at the alter in the home of devotion to a God he didn't believe in was cruel.

(Y/n) also knew her father was very unlikely to do the ceremony once he found who Ben was and what he was like so that was another part of her childhood crushed. But deep down (Y/n) didn't want a wedding with all the fuss, just going to a registry office was fine because she was still marrying who she wanted and it was still marriage which revolved around her religion and faith. She also didn't want a big dress or a veil or loads of flowers, she wasn't sure if she even wanted a bouquet.

Something small, plain and simple would do perfect.

"Alright, give five minutes when we get in for everyone to settle and then you can make your announcement." When Joe winked at (Y/n) just as they walked inside, she felt her heart both calming down and juddering in her chest. He had no idea what she was going to say and it would be something he wouldn't see coming for miles.

When they stepped inside, the siblings unchained themselves from each other and took off their shoes and jackets. Joe made his way straight into the living room with Cora whereas Paul headed into the dining room and Linda and (Y/n) both went into the kitchen to get some drinks.

(Y/n) could feel her heart bursting in her chest with every beat and if she were to faint right here, right now, it might be a blessing in disguise. She didn't know how on Earth she was going to do this and she knew all of the reactions she was going to get, none of which were going to be very pretty. But this was her life, this was how it was going to go and her family had to know and accept this or they couldn't be in her life anymore.

She was going to start off small and easy, tell them she was moving out and having a baby because the baby was the bombshell here. Telling them exactly who Ben was and what he did and telling them where she really worked would be an information overload for all of her family and it would be too much for her too. She had to break the news into pieces that were easier to digest.

(Y/n) downed half her glass of water in one gulp as she headed through from the kitchen into the living room with her mother in tow behind her. Her eyes scanned the room for a moment before she sat down on the sofa next to Joe which placed her between him and the armchair on her left in the bay window where she knew her father would sit. (Y/n) didn't want to be next to him. Once she told them her news it was likely he would lash out or shout like he had done when they argued before and she didn't want that.

She wanted to be as far away from him as possible when he found out because she was closer to him and his reaction would cut her to pieces and it would be taken to her heart.

Cora was sitting on the foot stool in front of the fireplace opposite the sofa where she normally sat when everyone was here at home. Leaving the other small armchair near the door for their mother to sit in, everyone had their respected seats that had been the same for years and it was automatic to sit in them, no one would change the routine now.

When their father's footsteps could be heard, (Y/n) could feel her heartbeat pulsing under every inch of skin on her body and it made her feel sick. She'd had no breakfast this morning and only a small glass of juice before going to sermon. From the moment she got up her stomach had been doing somersaults at knowing today was the day she was going to wreck her family into pieces.

This was it, this was it. She had to do this now or never, she had to do this today.

(Y/n) could feel her body coming over in a cold sweat and she had to lean forward a little to stop her chest from hurting due to her deep breaths and her rapid heart. All she wanted was to disappear but the moment she decided she would wait five or ten minutes before making her announcement, Joe steeped in thinking that she needed a little help to get her announcement started.

Her only brother nudged his elbow lightly into her side and ticked his head in a silent signal for her to speak before he motioned his hand to Cora to tell her to quiet down when her chirpy voice was about to go off on one about something no one would really care about.

"Do you want to say something, Joey?" Linda smiled, grazing her fingertips against the glass she was holding in both hands as she watched her eldest when he was trying to politely get everyone to be quiet.

"No, I think (Y/n) has something she wants to say, right?"

Deep down she was thankful Joe had gotten her started or else she knew she wouldn't have bothered trying to get everyone to be quiet, she would have just gone with the topic of conversation and deflated. (Y/n) would have lost her nerve to speak, she knew it.

"Go on honey, what do you want to tell us?" Paul sat in his usual stance, slightly slouched down in the very old armchair with his knees bent to the sides and his hands clasped together in his lap. No matter what he wore, where he was or what he said, he always gave off an aura of calmness and peace. It was clear to anyone that he was something to do with the church, he just looked like someone that you would want to confide in and tell all your sins to. He looked like someone who would have all the answers and be able to give comfort and reassurance.

But (Y/n) knew he was going to give her little comfort and reassurance today.

"I have some news to tell you... but please, just hear me out and try to understand before making a fuss, okay?" (Y/n) wrung her hands together like she was trying to ring the water out of a piece of washing and she almost jumped when Joe rested his hand over hers to try and calm her down.

"Of course, go ahead." Linda leaned forward as if to make sure she could hear (Y/n) properly but (Y/n) knew they weren't really listening. They were going to interrupt and comment and speak over her and get angry because they wouldn't be happy and this was always about them.

"Okay... I'm moving out in a few weeks, I'm going to be moving in with someone."

(Y/n) took a deep breath after speaking carefully and slowly so she didn't rush through her words and make them hard to understand. That was the first part of this over but the next part was going to be much worse. She watched the way her mother's smile completely disappeared and her jaw went slack and she saw how Cora's upper lip curled in distaste. When she looked over at her father as if for a sign of his approval, his jaw was very tightly locked and his hands were white from how hard his knuckles were pushing to the surface.

The only person who looked happy was Joe. He was smiling gently at her with an encouraging look that would disappear in a minute or two. He knew getting away from home and moving out would make (Y/n) feel more independent and it would make her more at ease and grown up. Staying at home was sometimes a good thing but in their case, the sooner they left, the better.

"Moving out? Why, you're not old enough to be on your own- who are you moving with, is it a boy?!" Linda's voice got increasingly higher pitched the more she spoke and the more she seemed to realise what (Y/n) had said.

"Just let her explain." Joe's voice was pleading with their mother to stay quiet but it was like talking to a brick wall.

"I've met someone and I'm going to move in with him because... b-because we're having a baby."

(Y/n) could feel the tears building up behind her eyes before they even fell down her features. She felt how Joe's hand tensed around her own, she heard her mother's glass slip between her fingers and bounce on the carpet at her feet. She heard Cora's shocked gasp and saw the way her features contorted into such an unattractive, angered and annoyed expression that showed she was angry only because she wasn't the first to settle down and have kids and a family of her own.

But when (Y/n) dared to look at her father, she didn't recognise the man sitting beside her anymore. He was looking right through her like he didn't recognise her and that hurt (Y/n) like a knife through her chest.

"No, you're joking. My youngest daughter is not pregnant out of marriage, you are not moving out and you are not having a baby, do you hear me? This is some cruel, sick, twisted joke!"

"Why would I lie?"

(Y/n)'s contradiction left her mother speechless but her expression was far from content. Her eyes were blazing with fire and her lips were snarling like a rabid dog about to attack. (Y/n) could see how this would go down at the church when people found out, there would be whispers about the Reverend's daughter having a quick marriage because she got pregnant at nineteen. Linda would be ashamed, she would be killing those rumours and not accepting the truth or any kind of defeat.

It wouldn't show the best example in the strict religious community that they lived in, especially when Linda was prone to boasting about her three wonderful children. Now she would only be boasting about two of her three children and she might go so far as to act like she only had one daughter instead of two.

"You're not seriously doing this? You're really gonna have a baby at nineteen when you're not even married? That won't make you look very good."

There was something in the way that Cora spoke that made (Y/n) feel like her sister was trying to guide her. Like she was trying to quietly tell (Y/n) that not having the baby would be best for her reputation and her life, as if (Y/n) had no right being a mother because it didn't fit in with their family's plans for her.

"You could always get rid of it-"

"Cora for fuck's sake shut up!"

"What? It's not the worst idea in the world, is it? Joe how is she gonna be a mother, she can hardly tie her own shoes." Cora waved her hand in (Y/n)'s direction but her eyes were focused on Joe just waiting for him to contradict her as if her words were true. But she didn't know her sister, she knew nothing of (Y/n)'s life for the past year, she didn't know how (Y/n) had changed or how she had met someone and had gotten so good at lying to them all.

"Cora that is enough. She cannot have an abortion, she may have gone against her own faith by having a child out of wedlock but I will not have my own daughter commit such a sin as murder."

Paul leaned his head onto his hand that smothered his mouth like he was trying to stop himself from saying anything worse, it clearly hurt him to talk about (Y/n) like she wasn't even there but he couldn't find it in himself to address or even look at her.

Abortion was a sin to him and to (Y/n), it was as high up as murder and (Y/n) had no quarrels with other women having abortions, she could understand their reasons. But personally, for her, it would feel too much of a sin and too much pain for her to actually do that. She didn't have the will, the heart or the lack of faith to get rid of her own child. (Y/n) would have no redemption from God if she did that.

"Well you can't keep it, you know that, don't you?" Linda's voice caused all eyes to look at her but only Joe and (Y/n) had horror and confusion in their eyes. "There is no way you can be an unmarried mother, abortion is not an option and neither is an unmarried nineteen year old mother."

"He proposed." (Y/n)'s eyes looked nowhere but at her father this time when she spoke up, controlling her voice enough to make sure it was stern and forceful rather than weak and broken.

"Excuse me?"

"He asked me to marry him and I said yes, so neither of you have any reason to worry about your daughter committing such a sin as having a baby out of wedlock. You'll just have to deal with the shame of people knowing the baby was conceived before the marriage."

(Y/n) looked down at her hands as she took a deep breath before removing the engagement ring from her right index finger and slipping it onto her wedding finger to show them all she was serious. Everyone was going to know that she was getting married because of the baby and it would be assumed that Paul was the reasoning behind the marriage. He would have to deal with the looks and the shame from their community when people found out (Y/n) was pregnant when she got married which was almost a sin in itself.

She was having this baby and she was going to be a mother, no one was going to stop her. When she was married to Ben she would be under no one's control but her own, her mother couldn't force her to give up her baby and she couldn't control her in where she went, what she did and who she saw.

The strings that held her control over (Y/n)'s life would be cut forever.

"Can we all just calm down now please? I moved out when I was eighteen to go to uni, Cora has a boyfriend and that's fine, I live with my girlfriend and we're not married. (Y/n) is miles ahead of us by wanting to get married and have a baby, why is that so wrong of her? This is what she wants, she isn't asking for your permission or to help 'make this go away'. Can't you be a tiny bit easier and happy for her?"

Joe didn't know how much good or even bad his words were going to do but he couldn't just sit and let them try and control (Y/n)'s life and act like she had come to them with a problem she needed them to solve.

She wasn't asking them to marry her off or tell her she couldn't marry her boyfriend and she wasn't asking them for solutions about the baby. (Y/n) had this planned out without them, she was only telling them because they were her family, they couldn't keep controlling and overruling her like this.

"You two leave us, we need to talk to (Y/n) on our own. Go." Paul waved his hand at Cora and Joe, pointing to the door because Joe was going to stand up for (Y/n) and Cora was going to intervene and get in the way. They needed to talk, just the three of them.

When (Y/n) nodded that she would be okay, Joe squeezed her hand and kissed the top of her head, whispering a small 'congratulations' in her ear before he left the room with Cora in tow behind him. Once the door was closed behind them, (Y/n) let her eyes drift between her parents who were people she no longer recognised.

Her mother was red in the face with one hand pressed to her forehead and the other gripping the arm of the chair like she thought she was going to lose touch with the world at any second. But Paul was no longer slouching or smothering his face with his hands, he was up and standing on his feet, leaning against the mantle piece above the fireplace in such a manner that he made (Y/n) worried. He looked like he was going to change into the Devil right there in front of her and unleash a new sense of Hell onto her for what she had done.

"Are you sure this boy isn't using you, how old even is he? That internship of yours surely can't support you and this baby so he needs to step up and what if he marries you and then leaves you? Have you thought any of this through you stupid girl!"

Linda smacked her hand down on the arm of the chair to show just how angry she was but it was clear she thought (Y/n) had just been fooling around with a boy of her age who had no sense at all and was only doing what he thought was right.

"He isn't using me, why would be propose if he was only going to dump me? He's twenty-seven, he has his own business he knows what he's doing and so do I."

"Twenty-seven? Oh I'm sure he knows what he's doing love. A grown man got you pregnant and you really think this man loves you? You're even more foolish than I thought getting into bed with someone like that and ending up in this mess." Linda shook her head with a look that was almost a cynical, unbelievable smile. In her mind she could see Ben as a grown man who preyed on (Y/n), having his own business just made her think that he knew what he was doing and it seemed unlikely that he would go through with marrying her. It felt like he was telling (Y/n) what she wanted to hear but Linda didn't know Ben.

It would be worse if she knew Ben, but at least then she would know he was genuine.

"Don't think God will give you redemption for this (Y/n). All this time I thought you had faith but you don't, you've cast away your faith for the first man that came along. This is your punishment and nothing will wash away the sins you have."

Paul pointed his finger at (Y/n) as he spat his words like he was convicting her and giving her a sentence for a crime when she hadn't done anything wrong. God wasn't so cruel or strict, there were thousands of people who had sex before marriage who didn't have any repercussions or sins because it wasn't a sin. There were people who got pregnant without getting or being married and nothing bad happened to them, they didn't get a multitude of sins for it.

(Y/n) was no different, she had no sins for having sex with Ben and when she married him she would have no sins because the baby would be born from marriage. Even if they got married a day before the baby was born it would still count and that was all (Y/n) cared about.

"God isn't punishing me, can't you see that? He's punishing you. You brought me up, you made me into your protege and you controlled me when you shouldn't have. I'm not being punished because I am happy about this, he's finally making my life my own and that is your punishment."

(Y/n) stood to her feet a bit too quickly from how badly her heart was racing in her chest and it made her feel sick but she tried her best to push away the feeling before it overwhelmed her. She was finally doing this, she was standing up to her parents and telling them that her life was her own and she wanted it to go this way. She loved Ben with everything she had and she wanted to marry him and they both wanted and already loved this baby.

Her parents no longer had any control over her and they couldn't stop her form being happy and being loved.

Her words seemed to ignite something horrible in her father and she may have stepped over the line a little but she couldn't help the way she felt and how her words felt true to her. When he comprehended what she had just told him, his head turned in her direction until he was sneering at her in such a way (Y/n) was afraid of him for the first time in her life.

Never before had she been so afraid of her father, the man who was everyone's friend and confidant. The man who people talked to about their problems and seemed so loving and had such a loving wife and family. He was the family man that everyone wanted to be, no one would believe he would ever look at (Y/n) in this way when she was his little angel.

A gap escaped (Y/n)'s lips when her father's hand suddenly tangled into her hair and he pulled harshly on the roots until (Y/n) was forced to bend backwards and let her knees cave in slightly so she could stay upright. Her fearful eyes watched as he hovered over her like a murderer and in that moment, (Y/n) would have believed it was her father who had committed all of those killings instead of Ben.

Ben had never been like this with her before.

"Paul now don't-" Linda's words came upon deaf ears when both (Y/n) and her father's eyes and ears were trained on each other.

"I hope for your sake this man is true to his word because if he doesn't marry you or he uses you and then dumps you in the street, I won't have you back and there will be no resolution or forgiveness from God either. This house and the church will no longer be a home for you."

(Y/n) thought for the longest moment of her life that he was going to hit her again with the way his eyes were burning through her and melting her underneath his stare. But he didn't. He pulled on her hair until she ground her teeth and shrieked and then he pulled her away from him and let go of her hair, watching her fall back onto the sofa before she went down on her knees on the floor.

Tears streaked down (Y/n)'s features and a sob bubbled up in the back of her throat as she looked up at the man she didn't want to call her father anymore just as Joe barged back into the room upon hearing (Y/n) cry out.

Just as Joe went down on his knees beside (Y/n) and wrapped his arms around her, (Y/n) felt her heart crumbling in her chest at her father's next words.

"My daughter, the whore."

(Y/n) couldn't breathe.

He'd never said anything like that to or about her before in all her life. Her mother had called her stupid, insolent, horrid, she'd even called her a bitch at one point, but her father never called her any such name or word. He knew he would break her heart and soul by saying something like that and he did it anyway.

"(Y/n), come on get up. You're coming back with me." Joe wrapped his arms around his sister and slowly pulled up up until she was standing, fighting off his own tears when he felt how she was trembling against him like a leaf in the breeze. He wasn't letting her stay here and he didn't want her to be on her own in this state. But the moment (Y/n) was stood up she wriggled out of his arms and stumbled out of the room.

She wasn't going anywhere with any of her family.

In her haste to get out of the suffocating house (Y/n) didn't even put on her slip on shoes, she stumbled out of the house bare foot with her bag on her shoulder and her jacket dragging on the floor behind her like a shadow trailing after her.

The only place she could go in this state was down the road and into the church that she knew was no longer going to be her save haven after what her father just told her. He had practically evicted her from her own church and cast her out of her religion, but he couldn't take away her faith even if he wanted to. God had some kind of plan for (Y/n) and this was just how he was deciding to test her and all of her family.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Doll?"

Ben didn't like this. He'd never been one for churches at the best of times but he couldn't remember the last time he'd actually stepped inside of one. This one was seemingly bigger on the inside, the ceiling extended up for miles, the alter was never-ending and the glass windows were almost frightening.

His feet were horribly loud against the stone floor that clicked and tapped against his heels but as he got closer to the end of the church, the only other sound he could hear was someone crying that he could tell for certain was (Y/n). Ben had been expecting her to call or text him today and ask for him to pick her up and take her away from her home because he knew she was going to tell them today.

But he'd gotten the fright of his life when she called him and could barely form a coherent word. It took a while for him to drag out of her where she was so he could come get her but she sounded as if she'd been stabbed or tortured and it scared him.

The moment (Y/n) came into sight Ben couldn't breathe.

She was kneeling on the floor in front of the alter and a rather large, looming cross that made Ben shiver in distaste. If (Y/n) hadn't of been crying he might of left her there for a few minutes believing that she was praying or trying to find some solace and comfort but her cries were too hard to ignore.

Ben went down on his knees beside her, raking his eyes over her as he gently tilted her head up so she was looking at him.

(Y/n) saw the look in his eyes, he was scanning her over for injuries like he seemed to do quite a lot. Whenever she was upset or argued with her family he thought she was in danger or hurt so he checked in case she'd gotten hurt. All Ben needed was a sign and (Y/n)'s say so and he would unleash the Hell inside of him onto her family but she could never let him do that. But this time, she was on the verge of letting him.

"Baby, tell me what happened, are you alright?"

Ben wasted no time in wrapping his arms around (Y/n) and picking her up until he could sit her on his lap with one arm over her legs and his hand on her bum and the other hand wrapped around her back. He had to stop his muscles from stiffening up when he felt (Y/n) crying into his neck as she wrapped her arms around his neck, scratching her nails against the short hairs at the back of his head. He wanted to take her out to the car but he didn't know if she wanted to leave yet, she obviously came to the church for a reason and he didn't have the heart to drag her away if being here was helping her even slightly.

His lip curled in distaste when he noticed how her hair was dishevelled and she had no shoes on her feet meaning she'd walked or even run here bare foot and with how red her features were and the amount of tears streaked on her face told Ben it was bad.

It took a moment for Ben to actually understand what (Y/n) was telling him when she was hiccuping through her words that were stuttered and breathless. But when he heard her his heart sank to the bottom of his stomach. He couldn't see how her father- the reverend of all people, would practically disown her from his home and the church like that. He was supposed to help people in need and not care what their sins were because that would be judging them and it wasn't in his job to discriminate people. But he judged (Y/n) and he cast her out because she hadn't done what he wanted her to.

Ben pressed his lips to the top of (Y/n)'s head, holding her that little bit closer to his chest like he was trying to stuff her into his heart to protect her. He swayed them side to side for a few moments before hoping that she was calm enough to head home with him.

"Alright, shh. I'm taking you home baby before I'm tempted to go and shove that cross up his ass."

Ben eased (Y/n) onto the floor before he moved so he was crouching in front of her, holding her arms so he could help her up. He hated how she shook against him and buried her face in his chest to smother her cries when he wrapped his arms around her.

She didn't deserve this.

"He..." (Y/n) trailed off, shaking her head as she suddenly thought better of what she was going to say when they were halfway up the alter. But Ben stopped walking and turned to look over at her, if she wanted to tell him something she could, she didn't have to worry or be afraid like she did around her family.

"He what, doll? Did he hurt you?" Ben's free hand that wasn't around her waist suddenly cradled the side of her face and lifted her chin so he could peer down at her to make sure she had no bruises or cuts or bleeding.

The way he looked at her made her heart burst because it showed how much he cared for and loved her. If he was how her mother thought he was then he wouldn't look at her like he was going to murder someone for touching one hair on her head. He wouldn't cradle her face like he was, his eyes wouldn't burn into her own and beg for her to tell him she was okay.

"He c-called me a whore."

(Y/n) didn't know why she was telling Ben this, part of her thought it was because she knew he could hurt and threaten her father and scare him in the way he had hurt and scared her. She wanted to get even with him for what he had said, but the other part of (Y/n) wondered if she'd told Ben so she could be reassured that she wasn't what her father called her.

What if she really did go against her faith and God would punish her? (Y/n) wouldn't know how to live if she was cut off from the church and her religion, surely God would never cast out anyone? He could forgive murderers and rapists and terrorists and all other people who did wrong, he would forgive her for living her life in a slightly different way and order. Surely he would give her forgiveness or not see this as a sin.

The way Ben's face contorted into such anger and the vindictive, spiteful look in his eyes made (Y/n) shiver and shrink in on herself. She'd never seen him look so fierce and murderous before, he'd always looked calm, cheeky or composed or loving around (Y/n) and gave no signs he was who Joe always said he was. But right now, (Y/n) could see the look of a murderer in his eyes and it made her afraid for her family rather than herself.

"I'm gonna kill him."

(Y/n) couldn't be sure whether Ben meant he was going to hurt her father or if he actually meant he was going to kill him because the way he said it made it clear that Ben could and would kill him if he wanted to.

Reaching forward, (Y/n) latched her arms back around Ben's bicep to pull him back when he let go of her and tried to storm out of the church. She couldn't have him going to her home now because Joe would probably still be there and (Y/n) couldn't take any more arguments or fights today.

"No- Ben don't, please!"

Her eyes burned into his own when he turned back to look at her, cautiously moving his tense hand to cradle the side of her face and she was sure if Ben was made of butter he would have melted right then and there.

"The bastard can't say things like that to you doll and think he can get away with it! Listen to me, in my eyes you're an angel I shouldn't go anywhere near because I'll corrupt you. You're like gold dust and if he can't see that it isn't your fault. If he says anything to you or he dares to touch you again I won't be asking your permission before I rip him a new one."

(Y/n) had to see herself how Ben saw her, she was a good girl, she was far too good for him in his eyes and if no one else saw how special she was that wasn't her fault. She had to listen to Ben when he told her how special she was, not her father when he degraded her because she was her own person and Ben was going to make sure she understood just how special she was.

But if her father tried anything like that again Ben wasn't asking (Y/n)'s permission, he would go straight round there and use him as a punching bag until he was unrecognisable because that was the only way Ben knew how to get through to people who got on his bad side.

"Can we go home?" (Y/n) buried her face in Ben's chest, slowly dragging her nails down his back when he wound his arms around her.

She heard him hum in response but she couldn't see the tender smile on his face when she referred to his place as their home.

[doof-doofblog]

"I've Got Everything Under Control!"

Friday 8th December 2021

Hello again everyone! Hope you're having a good weekend so far! Before we jump into the review of last nights episode, I have a little bit of a spoiler for you! It's been announced that there's going to be some big changed ahead for the Panesar family! What the entails however, remains to be seen! Part of me telling me that maybe we'll get a new member of the family, like the Father? We've heard a lot about Ash, Vinny and Kheerat's Father being in prison - but for what? Is he really a dangerous man, which is why the Panesar family behave the way they do? Who knows? What do you think the changes could be? Will we see a new family member or will the family go down a really dark road? Either way I'm looking forward to seeing it all unfold!

Firstly, let's talk about Sharon, Ian and their party to celebrate their marriage! It is just me or does anyone else actually feel sorry for Sharon? She's having to put on this absolute charade of actually being in love with Ian! Obviously she is doing this to get justice for her son, but something tells me she won't really be able to carry on for much longer. She is hating every single moment of being in Ian's presence, even more so being his wife! You can see the awkwardness in her face as when everyone is gathered in the pub to celebrate with the couple and she's stood behind the bar with Ian and he makes a romantic announcement and gesture of buying her a ring and placing it on her finger. She looks incredibly awkward and a little nervous also, but even having to kiss him must be awful for her, especially when she doesn't love him. When Ian says the words "I love you, Mrs Beale!" you can tell she can't even say the words back to him, she simply can't. Even if she is trying to play him, she refuses to say it! Even though I feel for Sharon, she is clearly a woman on a mission and she won't rest until her mission is complete, as later as she approaches Phil, he warns her that she needs to tread carefully if she's still planning on poisoning Ian. He's insisting that they wait a few more days until they start giving him more pills, however when Sharon reveals that she got pills from Jean, without her knowledge, Phil is stunned and warns her that she can't be stealing pills from other people and there could be a risk of getting the police involved. Regardless of his warning, Sharon makes it perfectly clear that she wants to job done as soon as possible, and if he refuses to help her, she'll do it herself!

The second thing I want to mention is Sonia. After a visibly emotional couple of days, she seems to have taken Ash's advice and come to the decision to take a flight to India and see her daughter, Bex and have a break. I just want to point out that this DOES NOT mean that Natalie Cassidy is leaving the soap for good, she is taking a temporary break and will be back later in the Spring. The only thing that is bugging me really is, we still don't know for sure what was causing Sonia to have her emotional outbreaks? Was it simply due to the fact that, because of her being a nurse and being surrounded by patients suffering and dying from Coronavirus, had it all got too much for her? And I'm still interested in finding out what that piece of jewellery was all about. She did explain it was from a patient she looked after - maybe I'm looking into too much, but I don't know, something tells me there's more to it? Will this break do her some good? How will she be feeling when she returns? All these questions are going through my head, even though I'm pretty sure the answers will remain a mystery. Before she leaves anyhow, she bumps into Martin and she can see he's got his own worries on his mind. With their history, she encourages Martin to open up to her. Before he does, he makes her promise not to mention it to anyone else, she gives him her word and he reveals that Ruby is pregnant. Sonia is clearly surprised by this news, but she can see from her ex's face that he's not at all happy about it, she questions whether they were even trying for a baby and he reveals that they weren't. Is Martin maybe thinking that Ruby cheated on him? Does he believe the baby is? Before she leaves, Sonia warns Martin that he has to speak to his wife about how he's feeling about her supposed pregnancy. I personally believe that Ruby is NOT pregnant, she's only saying that to keep hold of her husband, gain the attention she's desperately longing for, and also to get one up on Stacey! But if she isn't pregnant, it mean she will have to get pregnant pretty damn quick before her lies come to light! But, if not by Martin, then who? My first bet - Kush!!! What do you guys think? Is Ruby lying or telling the truth about her pregnancy?!

Thirdly, the next brief thing I want to mention is Gray and Karen. After a lengthy amount of time of the Atkins children living with her Grandparents, they have now moved back in with their Dad, even though Gray is happy to have his children back, Karen is visibly saddened. She asks her Son-In-Law whether she could still help more with the kids - take them to school, do their dinners etc etc. But Gray is adamant that he will be fine in supporting and being there for his children, however when Karen mentions that she's been telling the kids stories about their Mother, it looks as if he's not very happy with her interference. Later, when they're all sat at the dinner table, the children ask for a story about their Mum, much to Gray's surprise, Karen explains to him that it's been their ritual since living with them, having their dinner together and talking about Mummy. I have to mention though, did anyone see the disgust in Gray's face as his dinner was placed in front of him? I know it's bad but I found it kind of amusing how he wasn't impressed with the potato smilies and dinosaur chicken dippers placed in front of him! Suddenly the children start asking about Tina and where she was and how much they enjoyed her being around, it seems to get a bit too much for Gray, a little bit of anger gets to him and he informs his children that they won't be seeing Tina again and that she walked out on them! Even Karen is surprised by Gray's outburst - should Karen be more careful whilst she's around him? Something tells me he is going to more and more angry with her, of course she's just trying to help and keep the children close to their Mum, but he will end up resenting her for it and grow more and more angry and think she's interfering. Karen had better be very careful, I'd hate for her to be his 3rd victim! Also I just want to mention how lovely it is to finally see Bailey back! Feel like it's been so long since we've seen her!

The next thing I want to mention is Frankie. I'm so glad she's back and it's nice to see her having some screen time! Interestingly, she visits the Carter household in an attempt to see Mick, but unfortunately he's not there and she's left with Linda. I have to say though, this is the first time Linda has seen Frankie since learning the truth about her identity and I have to say how much I loved her kindness towards her, even offering to give her her number incase she ever needed anything. For some reason, I thought Linda would be full of questions for Frankie, but I think deep down, she knows that whatever happened between Mick and Katy, it's not Frankie's fault and she can't take it out on her. Frankie is innocent in all this and is a victim, just as much as Mick is, the only one who Linda's anger should be targeted at is Katy! Something tells me that Linda would be welcoming to Frankie and let her be a part of their family. It'll be interesting when Frankie finds out that Linda knows who she is. Later when Frankie attends the bar, she seems to be drinking her worries away - everything she's learnt about Mick and her Mum, even her Mum's offer to fly her away to Australia, she must feel that there's something not quite right? I have to mention that it's so nice to have Ben and Callum bumping into Frankie again after such a long time! Frankie was such a big impact on Ben's hearing loss storyline - it's nice to see them rekindling their friendship. However, when Ben and Callum share a kiss in the club, a bystander hurls abuse towards them, to which Frankie takes it upon herself to stand up for her friends. But when he suddenly mocks her, Frankie sees red and lashes out, beating the youth to a pulp. Ben and Callum have to rush to drag Frankie off of him, poor Callum though - after witnessing everything and having to follow his job role, he knows he can't simply let her go, even if she was sticking up for him and his boyfriend. Frankie is arrested for assault. Whilst at the station she decides to make a call to Linda, even though Linda knows it's her calling, she can't answer the phone at that current time as she's in the apartment with Mick. If he knew that she has given her number to his daughter, how would he react?! He's mentioned that he wants to try and forget about it, but I feel it's going to be hard for them not to? With Frankie back and Katy likely to make another appearance any time soon, I think it'll come to clear to the Carter family that Katy needs to get her comeuppance. After not being able to get through to Linda, Frankie then decides to call her Mum - what's going to happen next?!

Finally, the last thing I want to mention is Lucas, Denise, Patrick and Chelsea. Following the previous episode after Patrick collapses after having a confrontation with Lucas, it looked as if Lucas was going to leave Patrick to die. However Lucas did call an ambulance, informing the operator on the end of the phone that Patrick is having another stroke, however when they ask for Lucas's name - he simply hangs up the phone, as he knows he can't give that information. Later, after Denise has had a private word with Jack, she returns home to find Patrick alone and slumped on the couch, it becomes clear to her that he's in desperate need of an ambulance, she begins to panic and starts to call an ambulance. Poor Patrick though is trying to tell her something, only he can only muster one word "Lucas!" - leaving Denise even more terrified. She contemplates what he's trying to say - Did Lucas do this to him? Was Lucas in their house? Suddenly, an ambulance pulls up outside just in time and she rushes them in to Patrick's aid. The next big question is - Who called the ambulance?! Later at the hospital, all the family have gathered to hear on Patrick's progress - Denise, Sheree, Isaac and Kim are all waiting to hear news of the man who's at the very centre of their family. Eventually it becomes known that he has suffered another stroke and that he will have to be given more medication. Suddenly, Denise phone rings and it appears to be her daughter, Chelsea on the other line - interestingly she asks how Patrick is. Now this instantly answer's Denise's question - she wouldn't have known about Patrick unless Lucas knew, which means that he was there in their house when Patrick collapsed. Chelsea confirms this and asks her Mum to meet them as Lucas wants to talk to her. Denise seems very reluctant, but agrees to her daughter's request. Eventually she meets them away from the Square in an unknown Cafe ....  (Does anyone know what or where this Cafe is? As I've noticed it's been used a lot in recent months for secret meetings and for revels of character's returning!) ...  As Denise sits herself away from Lucas, she notices the bruises on his face, instantly he questions her involvement or her knowledge about his attack. Denise is instantly insulted and claims she has no knowledge about it, let alone has anything to do with it! However, when Lucas mentions Phil - it seems that she might know who was behind his attack, Patrick - but of course she wouldn't tell him that! Before she leaves, she warns him to stay away from the Square otherwise she will call the police! After she leaves, Lucas and Chelsea are sat together when her phone begins to ring, when Lucas proposes to buy her another drink, she steps outside to take the call - this is when things start to look a hell of a lot more interesting. It's unknown who she's on the phone to, but she's telling them she's getting the job done as soon as she can and she has everything under control! It becomes clear that she was in fact the one who was behind her Father's attack! Who is she talking to? Is Chelsea also out for revenge on her Father?! What is her secret?!

Oooooo so many questions and I can't wait to see everything revealed. So many things I'm looking forward to! Katy getting her comeuppance! I pray that Frankie will stay in the soap and become part of the Carter family! What's going to happen between Lucas and the Fox family?! Will Patrick be okay? Is Karen going to be Gray's 3rd victim?! When will Sharon's actions towards Ian come to light, and when will he know that she's aware of his actions due to her son's death?! Oh my gosh! There's so much speculation and I'm loving it!! Ha! I hope you've enjoyed reading! I hope you all have a brilliant weekend! I'll look forward to hearing any comments you may have! I'll be back very soon! Thank you all for your on-going support! Love you all xXx

[johnshelbysbabygirll]

Christmas with the Shelbys - JOHN SHELBY X READER

Words: 3403

hello again loves!!

i was soo excited to post this cause i really love Christmas imagines with all the family and cute things. and also drama cause we are talking bout Shelby family here.

i hope you like it and sorry for any mistakes, love ya xx

Christmas it is a wonderful holiday, your favorite actually.

Family, in this case your husband's family, means everything to you.

Your parents? You are not in a very good terms with them, not after you married John bloody Shelby.

But they all together in your house? Also with the kids...You know it wasn't a good idea.

Hell, everyone fuckin know it.

Every year for Christmas and New Eve you all had a family meeting at Polly's house, Thomas's or Garrison as usual, but this year John wanted to host both of them. This year he bought the house you and him always wanted, big enough for you two and five tireless kids - four with his first wife Martha and the toddler with you. Knowing that your relationship with your parents it's not the best, John wanted you to invite them too. After three years of marriage, four of relationship and a child together they should accept the idea by now. 

You were and still are very skeptical at this idea, but somehow excited. You want to make everything perfect and John understood why are you so perfectionist about it. You and your parents didn't spend a Christmas together since you started dating him and you don't regret it at all, but he is feeling guilty. Even if he knows that his family is your family now and they liked you for the first time anyway.

- John? You said in a questioning tone while putting your pearl earrings on.

- Ya? He was getting dressed with a nice black suite who looked very good on him. His hair was still messy for the things you did before and you smiled, remembering with not a shame his head between your legs. You needed that since you already feel panicked and John knew it, wanting to pleasure and relax his girl every time. He would spend the whole damn Christmas evening like this if he could. But you had commitments.

- No business tonight.

He smirked, but he was focused on the tie. You stand up from your chair still in your robe and you help him with the tie knot, making him look into your eyes when you're done.

- I'm serious, John. No business, no fighting, no drugs. Fuck, no fighting. You repeat knowing how Shelby men can get. You know too well.

He softly kiss your lips, pulling you closer to him and whispering.

- I will make sure the lads will behave. Now...How much time do we have?

Thinking at the fact that your makeup it's not finished yet and you are not dressed, even if you are the host, you answered.

- We don't. My parents are comin'. I can't be late.

Ten minutes later you slowly walked around the long table in your red long dress, making sure everything was in its place. You usually had two maids, one for the house and a nanny, but tonight you have four and John paid them double. The Christmas tree in the middle of the dinning room was huge and you remembered with a little laugh how frustrated your husband was because he had to decorate it with you and the kids for two hours and a half.

- They are here! Katie shout, excited to play with the others Shelby kids and she ran to the door, almost before the maid that opened the door for them.

- Ey, if it's not the most beautiful sister-in-law I ever had! Arthur greet you with a big smile and he hugs you, you doing the same with Linda and Billy, who were next to him. And also with Michael and Gina, her belly growing already.

- Oh, really? Lizzie raised an eyebrow and you hugged her and the little Ruby, who quickly managed to get to Katie. They are so sweet, playing innocently with their dolls.

Thomas looked at you as you greeted each other with smiles on your faces and Charlie was right next to him in a nice grey suit; he was so shy when you hugged him, deciding to do the same with his father as well. You know Tommy don't really like hugs, but he pulled his arms around you as well. Ada and Polly are right next to them and you kissed their cheeks.

- I'm lookin' at you and I already know you are going to be pregnant again in less than two months, Polly smirked and you blushed a little. I can see it already.

Ada chuckled and she looked at you with a warm glare.

- You look so beautiful, [Y/N]. You heard a little voice and you kissed Karl's cheek; he's such a good and smart little boy.

- And happy. You're glowing, sister. Ada speaks as she entered the house, followed by Finn, Isiah, Charlie and Curly who kissed your hand, making you laugh and try to stop him, so you could hug him as you did with everyone. Your kids greet everyone as well, happily and excited to play with the toys they had in their separate room, two nannies watching over the kids.

- Too bad you're my sister-in-law, Finn said joking and Isiah poked him with his elbow.

- Too bad she is mine, brother? John hugged you from behind as you were talking with the "little" Blinders and he pulled you to him by your waist, looking for a moment in other side for his kids.

Finn raised his hands in self defense and you all laughed, but when they walked away to get a drink, you turned to face John's beautiful face.

- You are fuckin gorgeous, love. The most beautiful woman Birmingham has ever seen. He whisper and slowly place kisses all over your face, that calming you down for a moment.

- Thank you love, you said smiling a little but you are nervous.

- They will come. Calm down for a bit, okay? I'm gonna get a drink. Want one?

He kissed your lips, but you declined his offer as you pulled him to your lips one more.

- Mrs Shelby? A few moments later a maid interrupted you as you talked with the girls, all standing by the fire and waiting for your parents. Eric is crying.

Your heart melts seeing your youngest child in tears, but as soon as you grabbed him he stop and he start giggling at his dad wanting his attention, but he was smoking and drinking at the table with the rest of the men, they all loudly talking and laughing. But even in that chaos in the dinning room, John's eyes managed to follow his son, seeing him crying and now he is smiling at the little baby, who is indeed he in miniature. He loves all of his kids the same, but right now Eric melts his heart and that's probably because he is more present now than he was with the other kids.

The maid announced you that you're parents are here and you can feel your hands tightened around Eric.

- They are here, you muttered to the girls as you slowly stand up and John did the same, following you to the door. A good vibe was coming from the dinning room as there was music and laughing, the kids were happily playing in their rooms, but you can feel yourself so strained.

- I'm here for you, love, always. He whispered to you and lovely kissing your lips, but Eric grabbed him by his jacket as he pulled away. Come ere boy.

You placed Eric in John's arms and opened the door, meeting the familiar, yet so unfamiliar, faces of your parents. They never been here before, they never met Eric, Katie, William, Edward or Joe. They just didn't know anything about you all this time and you nothing about them and it didn't bothered up.

- Hello mother, father. You force a smile and John touch your rear with the palm of his hand, knowing you need him to keep you calm.

- Welcome! This is our son, Eric Shelby. John said as the toddler was looking up at his parents and sometime at the strangers in front of him as they enter the house. His eyes are big and blue, his hair blonde and he have pink chubby cheeks.

-I'm glad to see you again, [Y/N]. It's been a while, your father talk only with you ignoring what John said.

- I'm happy to see you too, you reply but you mostly look at your mother. Polly has been a mother to you this time, but you look exactly like the woman that gave you life and when she hugged you couldn't pull away.

- He is adorable. And you two look happy together, she observed and she grabbed Eric's little hands. She even wanted to take him in her arms, but he started crying, not wanting to be taken away from his daddy. Thank you for taking care of her all this time, John.

Your father didn't seemed to happy to hear this, but you mother hugged John and you thought that maybe this was a start.

- As we wait for the food, I want to say something to you...To all of you.

John grabbed your hand and you both stand up with Eric in your arms as he was playing with your wedding ring, not paying much attention to anyone, even if everyone was now looking at you. The Shelby's were smiling, you parents not much.

- Let's hear you Johnny boy! Arthur screamed making everyone laughs, even you two.

- Carry on, Tommy smiled at you and you look confused.

- When I lost Martha, my first wife and the mother to my first children, I thought I will never be truly happy again. I thought that I will marry just for the sake of the business, but this one ere...She really bloody loves me. He said with a bashful smile on his lips as he gesture towards you.

- This one, [Y/N]...Made me realize that everything happens for a reason. I may be a fucker..

- You really are brother! Finn was the one who screamed now and he throw a table napkin at his brother who ignored his gesture as he was trying to find the better words. You tried to not look at your parents, theirs glare will annoy you.

- Ya, I know I am and she knows too, but she loves me anyway. Just as she loves this family. We may be fuckers...We may have fights, who usually end up worse than at any other families...But we will never let each other down, don't we.

- It's in our gipsy blood, Polly proudly smiled as she puffed on her cigarette and you smiled to her. You are a gipsy too and you are proud about it, but your parents aren't.

- We don't have this kind of nights too often and we don't openly talk to each other too often...But I know we love each other, John licked his lips and he looked at you. Your smile was big and proud as he took Eric in his arms.

- And I know I love you, [Y/N]. And I will protect you with my life.

In your stomach you feel the same thing you felt all this years with John; the same stomach knots that you'll never get rid off next to him and that was all that mattered. Your family was screaming and shouting as you kissed with smiles on your faces, remembering the night when John asked you to marry him. Eric screams as well in John's arms and you and your husband chuckled, knowing you found love and somehow peace.

- We are the Peaky fookin' Blinders, John screamed with a proud grin and he takes Charlie's Blinder cap and he puts  it on Eric who was confused but chuckled at his dad. You had happy tears in your eyes and as you wiped them away you saw your mother and father disapproval looks; you looked away.

- We are Gods! Arthur cheers with his glass of whisky in his hand and Tommy pulled the smoke out before talking with a grin.

- Not yet brother.

The first dish was placed in front of everyone, but your mother wasn't at the table anymore. You stand up, John's eyes following away as you talk with your father.

- Where's mum?

- Upstairs. She couldn't stand seeing what her daughter became...With this pikeys...And you call them bloody family? he mocks you and you growl. The kids weren't there and before you can think twice you grab his collar and pull him to you, not afraid at all.

- Listen to me father, you talk in the same mock tone with your face close to his; Isiah was next to your father, but no one moved as they listen to your words. You say one more bad thing about my people and I will get you the fuck out my damn house. You are here only because John insisted so shut your mouth. Your old man for sure hates your guts right now, ya know? He was proud to be a gipsy.

You heard chuckles at the table, but you didn't stand there more. You walked out of the dinning room, John following you just to shut.

- Ya need backup?

- No love. I have to handle this on my own.

You found your mother in the children room talking with them and this wasn't something wrong, but you smelled something so you just stand by the door to listen a little.

- You're old enough now to know about your father's business or it's not the time yet?

- What business? William your oldest son asked, not having a damn idea. He's just ten years old. You forced yourself to listen more.

- Okay kids, listen to me. I am your grandma and I want what's the best for you, but-...

- Why we didn't met you before? Karl asked as he was playing chess with Charlie. You smile proudly.

- [Y/N] never allowed me to. What I wanted to say was that...You know kids, your fathers are bad people. They are hurting innoc-...

You can't stand it anymore.

- Kids, have you all ate? You enter the room and the maids right after you. The kids food was served early and you smile at them; your heart just melts seeing them all together.

- Mommy, can we eat dessert now? Edward asked you, pulling by your dress to get your attention as you sent daggers with your eyes to your mother.

- Course baby. Veronica is bringing the dessert to you now. If you all want somethin, you told her okay?

They all nodded and you look at your mother who was too quiet now after she just told a lot of shit to kids. You pull her into a guest bedroom and after you close the door, you clench your fists.

- You crazy bitch! Wha was that? You trying not to scream, but you can't help it.

- How did you call me, [Y/N]? She was shocked, but before you can do anything, she slammed your over the cheek. Your head remain still for a moment and you bit your lip.

- I called you...Crazy bitch cause that's what you bloody are! What kind of mother told to innocent kids what they parents do for livin? They are toddlers!

- A mother that wants the best for her blind daughter! He spit at you with her voice full of venom and you mock her when you talk.

- Don't you dare give that shit to me.

She puff and when she starts talking again, she have a rotten smile on her face.

- But please tell me...What kind of mother are you, [Y/N]? What mother accept her kid living under the same roof with some criminals? With another woman's children? You really are this dumb? Leave this gipsy behind, take Eric with you and come livin with us. That's all I want and I know you will be happier.

- You are wrong...That's all you can say. You are so angry that you want to hit her for the shit she talks.

- Look at me and listen cause I am right to say that. If you don't leave now, John will do it first. When you will be all alone, you will come on your knees at us, [Y/N]. Listen to me.

You look away but you can feel the fire in your whole body, taking control over your mind. You had enough.

- Get the fuck out of my house. Now.

- [Y/N] don-...

That's all it takes for you to lose it.

You take out the knife that it's always on your leg under your dress and you grab your mother's chin, the knife pressing on her neck as you pushed her out of the door and on the stairs.

- Walk or I will cut your fuckin throat for talking shit about my husband.

The music was still playing in the dinning room, but you heard other noises as well. You heard breaking glasses, other screams and growls as you walked in, still holding your mother. You gasped when you saw John with a bloody lip, but everyone's attention was now on you. Your father was holding back by Finn, Isiah and Charlie and he looked out of his minds. He has a broken nose and a bloody mouth.

- How dumb you two are hitting on a Shelby in their damn house? You laugh and put the knife away. John is in shock as he came closer to you, not bothered by the blood.

- I thought you will be mad cause I hit your old man...I didn't wanted to..

- I'm not, you smile at John and look now at your parents. Get the fuck out of my house and you better pray you don't meet me ever again.

- [Y/N], we are still your family. Don't forget this, you will need us. Your father threaten you. Charlie, Isiah and Finn grab them to take them out, but they waited for your permission. John hand was now around your waist as he looked at you, waiting for you reply just as everyone.

- You're wrong. My family is right ‘ere. Leave.

John smirked proudly at his wife, just as everyone did. Tommy, Arthur and Polly are surprised that you protected them that fierce, that you care this much.

- Ey you truly are from this family, don't you [Y/N]. Arthur handed you the whole bottle of whisky and you took a swing, smiling after.

- I really fuckin am.

John hugged you from behind again, no more blood on his lip as he place kisses on the side of your neck, even if everyone was now looking at you two.

- Christmas with the Shelbys. You never know what to expect, Ada chuckled and the maids come in to clean all the mess.

You laugh at her words and drink again, John took a swing too from the bottle in your hands. He pulled you closer, you still holding the bottle as you reach your hands up around his neck, your foreheads and noses touching.

- You have me at your pinky toe, love. I don't know what your mother told you, but you don't have to worry about me ever leaving you. Cause I won't.

- I know, you smile and you peck his lips, before slowly pulling away to talk again. I'm head over heels in love with you, John.

Your heard sniffing in the back and you laughed when John wanted to stop them, you hold him still, not wanting to let go of his neck. He grabbed your waist and you two turned around to see your family; Michael and Arthur are with their noses on the snow, Tommy is having a loudly funny talk with the other men and the girls are all drinking and dancing barefoot.

- I said no fuckin cocaine! John shouted while laughing, you still holding on his neck as you did the same, drinking from the bottle again.

- And I said no fuckin fighting.

- That's quite impossible for us, love.

[colormetheworld]

Lumos A Treats (And Tricks) one shot 

Read it ALL on A03

Maura can hear the sugar high from the front porch. 

Pushing open the door to the front hall only serves to amplify the high pitched happiness of several children, her daughter the loudest of them all. 

“TJ,” Maura hears Mae say, her voice full of authority. “You have to make sure to keep your bangs out of your eyes. Otherwise, how will they see the scar and know who we are?” 

“People just know who Harry Potter is,” TJ says good-naturedly. He’d wanted to be the Neville Longbottom of their little contingent, but Mae - not unlike the intelligent witch she was portraying that evening - talked him into Harry. 

“You’re the only one of our friends with the right hair,” she’d said reasonably. “Archie’s gonna be Neville, and Rose is gonna be Luna, and her brother said he’d be Ron. Come on, Tommy Junior...please?” 

Maura had worried that this kind of wheedling was going to lose Mae the little group of friends she’d managed to accumulate, but Jane had told her to forget about it. 

“Besides,” she’d said, wrapping her arms around Maura’s waist. “TJ has such a crush on her, he’d dress up as anything she asked.” 

A second shock for Maura, That someone might find her daughter a worthwhile playmate, and best friend, and more…” 

Jane had sucked her teeth in an affectionate way. “Like mother like daughter,” she’d said. “Totally oblivious to their superpowers.” 

It had taken Maura some time to figure that one out as well. 

Now, she makes her way down the hall and around the corner and encounters the group of children that Mae has come to call friends. 

There are Rose and her brother Addison, both additions from the soapbox derby world, who live three streets away and call Mae every Friday after their favorite TV show to discuss. Maura still feels a thrill of shock and excitement on behalf of her daughter when her cell phone rings each week. 

There is Archie A. Archibald, a boy in the grade below Mae at school who was made fun of mercilessly until Mae stepped in at recess one day. She told the other boys who were teasing him that her mother not only knew how to dissect people into little bits, but that she was also dating a detective and could therefore not be punished if she chose to do so. 

Although this declaration had earned her her first stern talking to from Jane, it also earned the unflinching adoration of Archie, whose mother approached Maura during pick up one day with tears in her eyes. 

(“My son will NOT stop talking about your daughter. Thank you so much.” Maura wondered momentarily if there were other mothers out there who worried about their children as she did.)

And there’s TJ, Mae’s first and best friend, and “basically her cousin,” as Jane liked to point out. He is currently at the center of their little gaggle, letting Mae fix his tie, smiling his Rizzoli half-smile that says, I’m really enjoying this, but don’t you dare ask me to my face. 

“Well,” Maura says, taking in their cloaks and ties, their little wands and shiny Oxford loafers. 

“Don’t you all look-” but then Jane comes around the corner, and she forgets what she was going to say. 

Mae had chosen Harry Potter characters for all of them. The main children character for herself and her friends and then, surprisingly, Bill and Fleur for Jane and Maura. 

“Wouldn’t you rather the two of us be Hogwarts teachers, love?” Maura questioned her daughter shortly after this revelation. “Maybe Jane doesn’t want to play a male character.” 

“There’s no girls in love with girls in the book, Mommy,” Mae explained. “And you guys have to be people in love.”

“We don’t have-” Maura began, but Mae cut her off. 

“Yes,” she’d said definitively. “You do. And Bill and Fleur are perfect, anyway.” 

Jane, half engrossed in the recap of the world series, turned her attention to Mae. “Why’s that?” 

Mae hesitated. “Well...Sometimes you tell Mommy that you don’t know how you ‘lucked out’ and got to be with us,” she’d said slowly. “And after Bill got attacked, everyone thought Fleur would leave him.” 

Silence. Mae was shifting her attention between the adults, looking for understanding. 

“But Fleur told Mrs. Weasley she’d never. ‘Member?” 

Jane nodded. 

“And Mommy always says, “It wasn’t luck. We deserve each other.” 

More silence. Jane wasn’t looking at Mae anymore, but her attention had not returned to the television. 

Mae had waited another beat before settling back against her mother. 

“Bill’s scars are on his face, and yours are on your hands,” she’d said. “That’s the only difference.” 

So Jane is currently dressed as Bill Weasley. She is sans red hair but is not without freckles or stubble, both painstakingly applied with what Maura suspects is her eye-liner pencil. 

She is wearing old rumpled jeans and a dress vest over a collared shirt that is rolled to the elbows. Her hair is in a loose ponytail. 

She looks masculine and sexy and hot, and for a moment, Maura forgets there is anyone else in the room. 

Do I pull off “brooding dragon tamer?” she asks as she approaches. She chuckles as Maura just continues to stare. 

“If I didn’t know any better, doctor, I’d think you like this five o’clock shadow a little too much.” 

Maura manages to swallow without swallowing her tongue. 

“It’s not a displeasing aesthetic,” she concedes, reaching up to tug gently on Jane’s ponytail. “You look extremely handsome.” 

“You’re right,” Archie pipes up from behind them. “They do look at each other mushy a lot.” 

Mae nods. “I told you,” she says. “Can you imagine if I made them like...Quidditch players or something?” 

Maura pulls back rolling her eyes, and Jane laughs loud. 

“Mood broken,” she says good-naturedly. “Go get your dress on, Mo. We don’t want to miss the good candy.” 

As Maura turns away, Jo Friday comes trotting around the corner, bright pink from the tip of her tail to the start of her nose. 

“Jo!” Maura says, shocked. 

Mae and TJ laugh. “She’s a pygmy puff,” TJ says, still giggling. “It’s not gonna hurt her, Aunt Maura! It’s just temporary!” 

Maura is stunned before she realizes why. When she finally works out that it is because TJ has called her “aunt,” it is too late to say anything. All of the kids are bending around Jo Friday, telling her how gorgeous she looks. 

Maura decides that she wouldn’t have said anything anyway. The idea of TJ making the same mistake later in the evening makes her feel almost giddy. 

“Maura!” Jane comes back around the corner from the dining room, holding several little jackets. “Chop chop!” 

Maura hurries up the stairs. 

Just the three of them return to the house on Beacon Hill later that evening. Jane’s stubble has smeared a little bit, and her long coat is now around Maura’s shoulders. 

She’s carrying a very exhausted little Hermione. 

But they still head into the living room and turn on Hocus Pocus, the same way they have for the last three years. 

Maura tilts Mae’s bag onto the coffee table, smiling as Jane whistles low. 

“Good hall this year, tiny.”

Mae smiles sleepily. “This has been my favorite Halloween,” she says. “My favorite one ever. I can’t wait until school tomorrow. Until lunch.” 

Jane takes Maura’s hand. The doctor doesn’t have to say what it means to her that this sentiment is coming from her daughter. 

They start sorting the candy into its four main piles: BEST, OKAY, SUBPAR, and CREEPY.  

Maura reaches out to pick up a suspicious little cardboard box that fits in the palm of her hand. 

“The Mahoneys?” she asks Mae, shaking her head when the little girl shrugs, not looking up. “I talked to them last year,” she tells Jane, “about buying packaged snacks? Just because it’s so much safer? Linda Mahoney called me a ‘fuddy-duddy!’ Can you believe?” 

Jane’s expression is studiously neutral. 

Maura pulls the top off the little box and tips its contents into her palm with a sigh. 

Out falls a delicate diamond ring. 

For a long, long minute, there is silence in the living room. Maura only just now notices that Hocus Pocus has been paused. She stares at the ring in her hand trying to fit it into a narrative of the night that makes sense. 

Mae, much more awake now, is looking at her from Jane’s arms. 

“Mommy?” 

Maura doesn’t even look up. 

“I think we stupified her,” Mae whispers. 

“I think you’re right,” Jane whispers back. She shifts Mae onto the couch beside her so that she can scoot closer to Maura on the couch. 

“I love you,” she says under her breath. “More than I’d ever thought I could love another person. I know a lot of things have to happen before an actual marriage, okay? I know that there are a lot of things to consider. But I have loved you and your kid from moment one.” Jane pauses. “Or,” she says, lips twitching, “at least since you put down the knife and smiled at me.” 

Maura means to laugh, but her vocal cords do not oblige. She makes a truly ungainly sound. A strangled moan and a hiccup in one. 

Both Mae and Jane sit back, startled, although both are smiling wide. 

“Okay,” Mae says, ever reasonable. “How about this? If you want to marry Jane...just put the ring in the BEST pile. If you don’t, put it in the CREEPY.” 

“The creepy!” Jane says, pretending to be hurt. “Why not just the SUBPAR?” 

Maura starts to laugh before Mae can respond. 

She laughs and leans forward to throw her arms around Jane and kiss her. 

And then she nods and starts to cry. 

And she doesn’t put the ring into any of the piles with the candy. 

Instead, she slips it onto her finger. 

“Yes?” Jane questions? She looks, at that moment, like her Harry Potter character, pleasantly surprised and delighted that she’s been chosen. 

Maura kisses Jane again. 

“Yes.” 

[all-the-love-harold]

Chapter 16- Goodbye For Now

Master post 

Come and Talk about Harry and Poppy 

Previously: 

Danny lived on the other side of London in a dingy old flat that Harry was only able to find because he’d been there once before, to help Danny bring some supplies to set for the photoshoot.  He climbed up the stairs, opening lines running through his head “Do you really want a kid mate?”, “you don’t know the first thing about being a dad”, “You can’t just swoop in now, after everything you’ve put her through and expect to be a happy family.” None of them would do, he knew what he wanted to say, but he didn’t know how to say it – He needed Danny to know how much he’d hurt Poppy, and how much this baby meant to her, but there were no words that could express how both Poppy and Harry felt about this baby.

Harry reached the top of the stairs on Danny’s floor and made his way down the hallway to his door, a boozy smell surrounding it. He drew in a deep breath and knocked on the door, unsure what he’d be greeted with. After a few seconds, a drunken Danny answered the door, squinting at the harsh light in the hallway.

“What the fuck do you want dick head?” He slurred at Harry “Come to buy my silence or summat?”

****

“I just want to talk” Harry said, scrunching his nose at the smell omitting from Danny’s apartment

“It’s not your kid- it’s not your business” Danny slurred

“Well, she’s my wife, so it is my business��

“So she does suck your cock to get your money” he laughed “Good at it isn’t she?”

Harry drew in a breath, in an attempt to calm himself “Don’t you dare talk about her like that, she’s wanted this for too long and I won’t let you come in and ruin it for her”

“Ruin it? I gave it to her, didn’t I? If I remember correctly you were the one that set us up”

“And if I remember correctly, you said you didn’t want a thing to do with it”

“Didn’t” he hiccupped “do now”

“You can’t just swoop in and pretend everything’s been fine” Harry said through gritted teeth “it hasn’t been fine, this isn’t a fairy tale”

“You married her like it was one” Danny countered back

“That has nothing to do with it, our marriage is between us, but I can’t let you come in and ruin this for her, she’s waited too long to have this baby, she knows you didn’t want it and she gave you an out” he sighed heavily “take it”

“I’ll take it, as long as you have nothing to do with the kid either”

Harry looked at him incredulously, amazed how petty he was and confused about what he had done to make Danny hate him so much “I guess you’ll be talking to my lawyers pretty soon then.” He stepped away from the door and took his car keys out of his pocket and walked away, wanting to say more, to make sure he went away, but remembering what Poppy had said just before he left.

The drive home was a haze, he couldn’t remember how he got there, his mind too busy running through potential scenarios in his head. He wanted to understand where Danny was coming from, if he was in that situation, would he be acting the same way? Sure, he’d want to be apart of his baby’s life, but not out of spite. There weren’t many normal things in his life, but Poppy and this baby were his chance at the life he’d always dreamed of, he couldn’t let Danny in and ruin it.

“H?” Poppy called as she heard the front door slam shut. Silence. She stood from the couch, and left her mum  watching the 7pm news and walked towards the entryway. As she rounded the corner, she saw Harry, walking up the stairs to their bedroom, looking defeated “Harry” she said softly.

He turned his head, running his head through his hand “I need to call my lawyer again”

“What happened?” she asked, walking up the stairs to meet him

“He’ll go away if I go away” he refused to make eye contact with her again “I’m going to call my lawyer, see about a divorce”

Poppy looked at him in disbelief, “divorce?” she whispered, aware that her mum was probably listening in “That’s not a solution Harry”

He heard Linda shuffling around in the next room and took Poppy’s hand, leading her into the bedroom, closing the door behind him “You’ve wanted this your entire life Poppy, I can’t be the reason you don’t get it” tears were forming in his eyes now, as he came to the realisation that this was all his fault.

“Harry” Poppy wrapped her arms around his waist “I want a family with you, this little prince is as much your son as he is mine, no one in their right mind is going to take him away from me, which means that they’re not taking him away from you”

“If I’m out of the picture, Danny goes away”

“I don’t want you out of the picture, I can’t do this alone” the room was dark, lit only by light from the street lamp that flooded in forming shadows on their faces “We’ll figure out what’s going to happen with Danny, but you see these” she toyed with wedding rings on each of their fingers “these mean we’re in this together”

He smiled weakly at her “This entire situation is my fault, you know”

“Hey” she lifted his head so that he was looking at her “You’re not the one who slept with a stranger, because she was too afraid to tell her best friend that he was the love her life”

“You forgot the bit where you forgot to use a condom” he smirked

She giggled, resting her head on his shoulder “shut it Styles”

“Don’t be silly” he laughed “wrap your willy”

“Ok” she said, taking her arms away from his waist “I’m leaving now” she turned and walked out the door “you call your lawyer, get us an appointment for tomorrow morning and  I’ll sort out dinner because clearly you forgot”

“Sorry” he called as he watched her walk back down the stairs “I’ll only be five minutes and then we can work dinner out”

***

September 12th 2017 – 22 Weeks  

Harry had Poppy up early the next morning, so that they could meet with his new lawyer. The meeting was set up for 8am, because Poppy had to get to work and Harry had to pack for tour. With the wedding and everything else that was happening, the start date for his tour was quickly creeping up on him, and now it was the day that he was set to leave for the American leg, and he was yet to pack a single item.

The mornings were starting to get cold now, so Poppy grabbed her coat from the wardrobe and poured her morning tea into a travel mug while Harry got dressed. When the were both ready, they left the house in silence, mostly because they were still waking up and they found it much easier to be quiet at this time of the morning.

They followed the legal secretary into an empty conference room and sat down in the two chairs at the end of the long table. Harry was nervous, Poppy could tell by the way he was playing with his lips and she had to admit, she was feeling the nerves too. She knew that no one was going to take the baby off her, but she didn’t want him to have the confusion that came with shared custody.

“Mr and Mrs Styles” an older man, with a kind smile walked in holding a file “I’m John” he held out his hand and Poppy and Harry both shook it.

“Thanks for meeting us on such short notice” Harry said, taking his seat again

“My pleasure Mr Styles”

“Please” he said “call me Harry”

“Alright, Harry, why don’t you give me the rundown on this situation, Kate’s given me the general overview, but I’ll admit I was a little confused”

“Fair enough” Poppy nodded her head and John smiled at her

“Basically, the baby isn’t mine, we weren’t together when he was conceived, but now we’re married the father suddenly wants custody”

“How much do we know about the father’s financial situation”

“He’s unemployed, but he was paid quite well from a job that he did a few months ago” harry said and Poppy smiled to herself, knowing exactly that Harry had offered him opportunity because he needed it.

John took down some notes on his legal pad “what about his living situation?

“He lives in an old one bedroom flat in Hackney” Poppy said

“and has he filed any motions for custody yet?” John asked, putting his pen down

“Not yet” both Poppy and Harry said

“Right- and Harry, Kate mentioned something about him wanting you out of the picture?”

“I went to talk to him last night and he told me that if I had nothing to do with the baby, then he wouldn’t either” Harry said, putting his hand on Poppy’s knee

“Ok” john said, looking through some of the papers in the file he’d brought with him “Because there hasn’t been any custody motions filed yet, there’s very little we can do, but what I’m going to suggest is that, when the little bundle of joy is born Harry adopts him, which makes you both the child’s legal parents.” Poppy looked over at Harry and saw that he was trying to hide a smile “that will make it harder for the biological father to be granted custody when and if he does file for it” John saw the unsettled look on Poppy’s face and continued “I don’t know a judge that would grant full or even part custody to parents in such vastly different situations, so more than likely, the most the fellow will get is weekly visitation rights”

“Good” Poppy said smiling at Harry who beamed back at her, obviously excited about the adoption

“Am I right in saying your leaving the country today?”

“I am” Harry nodded “Poppy’s staying here, that’s not a problem is it?”

“No, not at all, there’s not much we can do until he’s born anyway, I think it’s pretty unlikely that the father will find a lawyer that will file a custody suit for an unborn child, because they almost always end in the mothers favour, so we’ve got nothing to worry about for now” John nodded “I’ll have the adoption papers drawn up, and if you’ve decided on a name, I can have it all ready to file once he arrives”

Both Poppy and Harry looked at each other, in all the chaos of the last few weeks, from moving in together to deciding to get married and having to organise a last minute wedding, the thought of a name for their little prince had never even crossed their minds. “He, uh, doesn’t have a name yet” harry said quietly

“That’s fine” John took out his pen and scribbled a few more notes on his legal pad “I can have it all ready anyway, and once he’s born all we’ll have to do is have you both sign the forms and fill his name in – when are you due Poppy?”

“Early to mid-December, I have two different C-section dates set, he’s likely to come early because of a medical condition that I have”

“Ok” John nodded “If you don’t mind me asking, has this been a complicated pregnancy?”

“It’s considered high risk” Poppy admitted, putting her hand over Harry’s which was still resting on her knee

“And has there been extra costs associated with that?” he asked, looking at her sympathetically

She looked to Harry, who nodded at her to continue “Yeah, in the first trimester I had to have weekly scans, which incurred an extra cost, and once I reach 30 weeks, I’ll be having them weekly again”

He scribbled that down “And I know this might seem invasive, but it may be helpful when and if the father sues for custody, were the costs covered by yourself or Harry?”

“Harry” she said, squeezing his hand

“I’ll make note of that” John said, scribbling it down “It may be irrelevant, but his absence during a complicated pregnancy is definitely something to be used against him”

“Great” she smiled

“Ok, I think that’s about all we can do for today, I’ll make sure those adoption papers are ready as soon as possible, just in case we need them sooner, and Poppy I might get your email address too, because it might be easier to contact you while Harry’s away” he said, handing her a pen and his legal pad

“Of course”, she wrote down her work email, and handed him back the pen “Thank you for all your help”

“You’re welcome” John opened the door and ushered them both out. Harry held her hand as you walked down the hallway and out the door, both feeling much less nervous about the whole situation now.

“Feel like being late to work today” Harry asked as they both got back into his car

“Depends” she said, trying to suss out his plans

“Breakfast? Like old times, at that café that Ali used to work at?”

She gave him the side eye and looked at him suspiciously “wanting to run into ali again are we?”

“No” he said, without missing a beat “just like the food there”

She giggled and rested her head on his shoulder as he put the car in reverse to get out of the parking spot “I’ll text big boss ben and tell him I’ll be late- Mumma’s hungry”

***

The rest of Poppy’s day was a nightmare, the second she walked into the office she was bombarded with things to do, emails to answer, and a spread to organise for London Grammar who were in for their Live Lounge performance. She also had to 3 meetings to go to with Ben, where she had to be concentrating enough to take notes, so by the time she made it home she was exhausted. But she didn’t have time to rest now, Harry’s flight left in a few hours and she had to make sure he was packed and ready to go before she took him to the airport.

“Dinner first. Pack later” Harry said to Poppy as she stressed about finding his favourite jumper that had gone missing in all chaos of her moving in “You have to feed my little boy in there”

“He’s not yours yet styles” she  smiled at him

“Heyy” he looked up from the kitchen counter where he was serving her dinner for her “Eat. I’ll go look for the jumper one last time”

She gave in, taking a seat at the kitchen table to eat her meal. She was starving, she hadn’t realised how hungry she was until she took her first bite, and before she knew it she’d finished it and were onto her seconds

“Found it!” Harry yelled from upstairs and Poppy rolled her eyes

“Where was it?” she yelled back, mouth full of food

He walked back into the kitchen, holding the jumper up triumphantly “was in your drawer” he looked at her accusingly

“’s soft” she admitted “an it smells good and it fits the bump”

“Were you hiding it?” he asked, stealing a piece of chicken from her plate

“Maybe”

He looked at her, and back at the jumper, and back to her “Keep it love, I have plenty more that I can take”

“Are you sure?” she took the jumper from his hands and wrapped it around her shoulders “You love this jumper”

“I love you more” he kissed her cheek and served himself a plate of food.

Once they’d both finished eating, Harry took his bags out to the range rover and double checked that he had everything that he needed. His stylist had all of his suits packed up for him, all he needed to worry about was his casual clothes for between shows and a few bits and pieces to keep him entertained on the road.

“You ready?” he asked Poppy when he was satisfied that he had everything he’d need

“Yeah” she grabbed the keys off  their hook and opened the front door, she was driving him to the airport so that she could say a proper goodbye just before he got on the plane. This was something that she’d always done before he left for tour, even when she barely knew him, she drove him to the airport and made sure he got on the plane safely. This time was different, they were married now and this was his first time being on the road solo and by the time tour finished they could both be parents.

“I’ve written Jeff’s number down on a piece of paper and stuck it on the fridge” Harry said as they pulled up at a red light “if you need anything and I’m not picking up for whatever reason, he will and he’ll get any messages to me that you have”

“Thanks” she smiled

“And don’t forgot you need to be writing down all of your symptoms for your OB and you’ve got that growth scan on Friday so call me as soon as you know what going on and don’t forget to keep taking your vitamins and you..”

“Harry” Poppy said, interrupting him “I’ll be fine, Mum’s here to keep me on top of things, and I’ll keep you updated on everything that’s going on”

“And if Danny tries anything, call me”

“You know I will” she pulled up to the quick stay car park at Heathrow airport and helped Harry load his bags onto a trolley and as she walked up to the departures gate, Harry was met by airport security, in case there were any fans or paparazzi around.

“This is it love” he said as he reached the point where he had to check in. He wrapped his arms around her and she rested her head on his chest

“I’m going to miss you H”

“It’s only 3 and a half weeks love, then I’m home for two weeks before I go again”

“I know” she nodded, choking back a few tears

“I’ll miss you too” his said placing a kiss to her forehead “look after yourself”

“Gotta look after the little prince H”

He moved his hands from her waist to her belly “That’s right, our little Prince needs you to look after yourself”

“I love you Harry”

“I love you too Poppy” he kissed her again “We’ll do what we used to do yeah? I’ll facetime you everyday”

Poppy  nodded, pulling away from his hug and placed one last kiss on his hand as she removed it from her belly “Call me when you land.”

[viciousgold]

What was your childhood home like? Can you cook? What are you most proud of? What other fictional characters would you get along with? What do you do when you are upset? What was your wedding day like? Did you have nightmares as a child? Did you have a favourite toy? Are you a light sleeper? Is there anyone who scares you? Do you have a sweet tooth? What is your favourite city to live in (AU?)? Did you go to public or private school? Do you swear? What would be your job in Will´s world?

What was her childhood home like?

It was very strict and rigid. Marisa’s mother was very set on her ideals for her children. Marcel immediately went into a position of power and status at a much younger age than Marisa, and despite being her younger brother, he was already more powerful than her before he even turned eighteen, which Marisa has always resented them both for. Where as her mothers expectations for Marisa were, especially because of their lack of wealth and status; get married to someone with wealth, high status, maybe have kids. Along with that though, she was trained to be a “good” wife, her mother expecting nothing less than perfection. Anything less than perfection was immediately punished. She also incredibly lacked affection. Her mother was cold and distant and for the most part refused to give her children much physical affection at all, barely any physical touch either apart from her reprimanding her children. 

Can Marisa cook?She can, absolutely, but she’s more trained at hunting and prep than the actual cooking part. She’s really good at survival; she can hunt a walrus, skin and de-bone it entirely and make really good cuts of meat from it, but then when it comes to the actual cooking part... I mean, she doesn’t burn it. But she doesn’t really know how to do things like technical cooking, seasoning, any of that, so her food doesn’t really taste good, it’s more so she cooks for herself when she needs to, when she’s on an expedition in the North and she’s in survival mode, she’ll cook herself something so that she has something to eat but it’s not that good, like, at all. Asriel is probably a better cook than her, so I could definitely see them like, on an expedition together and they make a deal like “hey, I’ll do the hunting and preparing the meat if you do the cooking of it” and together they actually have a decent meal. What is she most proud of?She is honestly truly proud of how far she’s come at such a young age. Granted, her brother has her beat, he was in a position of power at sixteen or so, but in comparison to the majority of people, Marisa began involvement with the Magisterium at twenty and rose to complete and full power even surpassing her brother in the ranks and authority by age thirty, and plus she was the first woman to ever become a member of the Royal Arctic Institute, so overall she is extremely proud of all she’s accomplished at such a young age. 

What other fictional characters does she get along with?So funny thing, I’ve been talking with @paracosmicvoid and she has a character named Linda who is such a parallel of Marisa, it’s crazy. They definitely get along so super well. There’s also @redlied‘s Abaddon from Supernatural who comes to an understanding with Marisa through using each other to each other’s benefit and they learn to get along in the process. 

What does she do when she’s upset?She takes it out on herself, immensely. Whenever she’s upset, it’s usually because of something she either did wrong or failed to do. And she punishes herself for it. This goes back to how her mother raised her and treated her where she was punished harshly for the smallest of things like using the wrong silverware, or crying when she was told not to, so when she makes big mistakes, she is extremely hard on herself and unforgiving of herself. It’s also very hard for her to try cheering herself up. Usually when she is upset, she doesn’t really even start to feel better until days or sometimes even weeks later. Sometimes she’ll try. She’ll drink chamomile tea, she’ll listen to music, but for the most part when she’s upset she does seclude herself to make herself suffer for what she believes was her failing at something yet again.

What was Marisa’s wedding day like?Honestly, it felt more like a graduation to her than a wedding. She had basically found an entrance into the Magisterium for herself and she was happy to finally have it. She was focused that day on what this marriage would bring for her life, how it would benefit it, and so she put on a facade of being in love with Edward, but the part that wasn’t a facade was her genuine happiness and excitement; it just wasn’t for the sake of entering into a marriage for Edward because she loved him, it was happiness and excitement for all of the benefits she would gain from the marriage. Did she have nightmares as a child?Oh yeah, all the time. She’ll still have nightmares to this day. Often times as a child, her nightmares were of disappointing her mother, or her mother hurting her again, or both. She grew up, at least at first, very terrified of her overbearing, controlling mother, and then into adulthood she decided that she was no longer going to be afraid of her; she was going to disobey her and be everything she wanted her brother to be, but better and even more powerful. The nightmares of her mother were consistent until probably about seventeen or eighteen and then later on in life, her nightmares didn’t stop, her mother just stopped being the monster in them. Her nightmares now actually consist of herself as the monster, usually. The ones that don’t are nightmares of her losing everything, and then later her nightmares of losing what she truly realizes matters most to her; her nightmares are of losing Lyra.

Did she have a favorite toy?

Yes, she did, she had a doll that she would dress up in lots of pretty outfits. They didn’t have much money during her childhood, but she would make dresses and scarves and hairbows for the doll using spare bits of fabric she could find around the house and of dresses she outgrew, which her mother was fine with since they all knew she didn’t plan on having another child past Marisa and Marcel. 

Is she a light sleeper?

100%. If a literal pen falls, she will wake up. Marisa is always on high alert and has been since a young age, and if I’m really thinking about it, this was probably due to her childhood as well of always needing to be on guard when it came to her mother. But now it’s for the sake of she knows that there are constant dangers everywhere around her, she’s very intensely aware of everything that could go wrong. The only time she’s really blinded is when she’s distracted by her motherly instincts towards Lyra, and this has caused her to make quite a few mistakes and let certain things slip up. 

Is there anyone who scares you?

She’ll deny it with every fiber of her being, but her mother does still frighten her. She won’t admit it, but it’s the reason she left her mother as soon as she could and then never went back. She doesn’t financially support her mother like Marcel does, she doesn’t visit her, doesn’t speak with her, doesn’t associate with her or even acknowledge her existence. Her mention of her to Lyra was likely the first time in years she even mentioned her mother at all in any context. 

Does she have a sweet tooth?Yes, sweets are probably Marisa’s absolute favorite guilty pleasure. She loves chocolatl, cake, pie, cookies, like anything really delectable and sweet, she adores. She and her brother weren’t really allowed to have sweets as a child, so she didn’t really experience much of them until her adulthood.

What is her favorite city in an AU?

She really enjoys Monte Carlo. Monaco is one of her favorite places to visit, mainly because it just feels elite and beautiful, and Monte Carlo especially. The grandeur there combined with how many fun things there are to do in the city, like different cafes, the yearly Monaco Grand Prix, all of the beautiful architecture there. 

Did she go to public or private school?Marisa had a private tutor growing up. They were poor, but her mother put so much of their funds into educating Marisa and Marcel because she wanted them to have every advantage that children of higher wealth and status had. So Marisa grew up very educated and intelligent, focused on studies for most of her childhood and then once she was eighteen she became a member of St. Sophia’s college.

Does she swear?She tries not to in polite society or within the Magisterium, but when she’s alone with friends or a lover, a swear once or twice might slip out. Apart from that, the only other time she swears is when she’s incredibly angry. 

What job would she have in Will’s world?

Well in Will’s world, she wouldn’t be as restricted by her gender as she is in her own world. With her ambition, determination and skills, Marisa would likely be something like a Senator, a Governor, or a high ranking CIA operative if in America, or if in England, she would likely be an MP, Prime Minister, or some form of high ranking MI5.